#i edited this ONCE at 3 AM last night. i am doing no more than that

[kaysungshine]

Redamancy ['red-a-man-sE] noun ;a love returned in full

Part II out now!

{ Pairing } - idol!bangchan x staff!afab.reader (with a hint of bestfriend!jisung?)

{ Genre } - NSFW, the trifecta (s/a/f), frenimies to friends to lovers? idk but we'll get there in the end

{ Synopsis } - Han Jisung is your new bestie & technical colleague, of course you befriended the rest of his members. Group nights became a tradition, & tonight involves liquor and drinking games for the first time. Truth or drink?

{ WC } - 6.7k

{ Warnings & tags } - 18+ MDNI, NSFW, smut, angst, fluff, drinking, breath play (choking), swearing, dry humping, use of 'babygirl', mention of wet dream, talk of edging, talk of domming, talk of choking, talk of exhibitionism, all of ot8 is suggestive af when they drink, reader and jisung are PLATONIC I promise they're just touchy, they're all giggly drunks so overuse of laughing chuckling and giggling, chan is kinda dumb in this he just... is in denial land but we'll find out more about that later, unrealistic work scenarios, unrealistic dorm setup? idk lol

{ Disclaimer } - This work is in no way associated with the actual skz, and is a fictional piece. I DO NOT own Stray Kids, this fic is just influenced by them!

{ A/N } - Okay I know I took forever to post & this intro is hella long & I'm sorry! Once again, I will say this is my first skz fic. I come from the world of AO3 & dramione. I am out of my comfort zone lol. First time posting stories on tumblr too! So if I missed anything please let me know <3 there will be a part 2, I've already started writing it! The plot is weak af, but gimme a few more stories and I'll find my groove. Promise! Unbeta'd, be gentle with me ♡

It was supposed to be a relatively chill Saturday night, so you were excited. You just got off work, and had arrived at Jisung's. He swung the door open smiling and pulled you inside, into an immediate hug. Everyone said their greetings, and then Jisung went immediately to whining.

"Finally, what kept you so late?"

You took your shoes, mask, sunglasses, and hat off, letting your curls fall down your back. Then you unzipped your sweatshirt, shrugging it off your shoulders and exposing your fitted white tee. You gave your jacket and bag to Ji so he could put them away. You always arrived in 'disguise', in baggy clothing so that no one suspected anything. Though you thought it was ridiculous. It doesn't matter how baggy the sweat pants or hoodie is, there's no hiding the curve of your ass.

You were a content editor at JYPE, and had become really good friends with Han Jisung. Friendships between idols and staff certainly aren't forbidden, in fact they're encouraged to an extent... as long as no lines are crossed. But it's pretty much an ignored rule. Anyways, you were a small 'behind-the-scenes' employee, not a manager or assistant or makeup artist. Not anyone directly involved with any idols. No one off the street knew who you were. Still, over the last almost year or so, you and him became besties. You frequently shared meals together at work, had sleepovers, you even went camping. You were basically glued to each other. It could easily be taken the wrong way by the media and fans. Hell, it gets taken the wrong way by co-workers, other idols, and even his group members. Although they've mostly accepted that's not the case. It's a given with the way you two act though.

Your relationship is definitely platonic, confirming pretty early on that neither of you felt anything more than friendly love for each other. But you both love teasing the other suggestively. You suppose that's partly why you two got so close so quickly. Your personalities are so similar, it's like you share the same singular brain cell sometimes.

"Editing, per usual." You finally reply with a sigh, "We had to cut A LOT out of nexz's new video. They're so high energy, they slip up a lot, especially with the swearing, but nothing we can't handle."

"Gotta love kids." Chan snorts while sipping a beer.

You smile awkwardly in response and look around the room. Everyone is here, all with their preferred beverages, and chatting away or scrolling.

Ji comes back with a drink for you, he knows you're partial to tequila and always keeps it on deck. Normally, you spend every weekend you can together, which sometimes is not as often as either of you would like. Sometimes you'd both head back to your place, and just have all nighters, binge watching anime and gorging yourselves on junk food. More recently, like tonight, you get invited over to hang with him and the rest of the boys.

It usually results in a few drinks and a movie, or talk about work. Sometimes you just play music and talk and vibe, or try to cook food together when you get the munchies... Which more than likely results in Minho taking over because he just can't help himself. However the nights play out, they're always fun, and you're gradually getting closer to the rest of the members too. Although no one can compare to the bond you have with your Jiji.

"I don't wanna watch a movie tonight, my eyes hurt too much." He starts complaining.

"Poor baby." You tease and run your fingers through his hair, laughing.

"When are you two just going to come out with the fact that you're in love?" Seungmin asks.

You roll your eyes, "When dwaekki's fly."

"I can easily make that happen." Changbin laughs.

"We could play a game?" Felix suggests, already looking flushed from the alcohol.

Jeongin gets excited, "Let's do a drinking game! It's been a while."

"I don't believe I've ever played a drinking game with y'all."

Hyunjin hums, "Mm, you haven't. Mostly because we get crazy, we've never brought up the idea."

This piqued your interest, "More crazy than I've already seen? I don't think that's possible."

Minho chimes in this time, "You forget we're a group of men sometimes, I swear. Mix alcohol and suggestive games, it definitely gets 'crazier' than you've seen, inappropriately crazy."

You level him with a smirk, "I'm down."

"That's my y/n!" Ji says, while pulling you to sit in his lap, "Fearless."

You giggle and lean into him while Minho just narrows his eyes at you and purses his lips. Something tells you he's up to something, but you're ready for any challenge.

"Fine. Then we'll play something easy, truth or drink. If someone refuses to answer, they drink. Whoever finishes their drink first loses." Minho says.

"What does the loser have to do?" You ask.

"Pay for everyone's lunch every day for a month!" Changbin says.

"Deal." You say. 

You're an open book, Ji knows this. There's no question you won't answer.

Everyone is up now, getting new drinks & refills before the game starts. You can't help but notice that Chan didn't get up, he looks a little nervous for some reason. He was always the most worried about you being around so much. In the beginning it definitely came across like he didn't like you. Now you know that's not the case... you think. He tolerates you now to say the least. You couldn't blame him too much, he was just protective of his boys. You actually found it incredibly sweet, or maybe it's just that stupid soft spot you have for him.

He always tried to keep you at arms length from the group. Not wanting anyone to get too close to you. Until Jisung put him in his place, as best he could anyways.

You were in Ji's lap, watching Spirited Away. He was drawing imaginary lines and shapes on your back, while you rested your head on his shoulder, facing the tv. His head was resting on top of yours as well, and a blanket covered you both.

Chan walked in seeing this, and nearly had a stroke. He said we were being inappropriate. And specifically made it a point to tell you to be more professional as a member of the staff. Short version: know your fucking place, you're overstepping. 

You scoffed at him, prepared to confront him about his growing disdain towards you. Let him know he's the one being inappropriate, downright childish. But Ji nudged you onto the couch and got to him first.

It was kind of cute watching him standing there, ears becoming red and getting in Chan's face. Cute in the way that it was like a maltese puppy trying to stand up to a doberman. Then he proceeded to yell at him about how he was way out of line. Saying he was being flat out disrespectful and that he was done with the ridiculous way he has been acting about you. The last thing he said was that he didn't know what got into him, and that he'd never seen this side of Chan before. 

Chan was silent, looking intensely into Jisungs eyes. But he never backed down, so Chan poked his tongue to his cheek, then retreated to his room for the whole night. You had to scoop Ji off the floor right afterwards. He had let his knees buckle, and fell to the floor once Chan was gone. Citing that he wasn't sure he was going to live through the night to see the morning sun. Typical dramatic fashion for your best friend. But you soothed him, fluffing up his ego about 'defending your honor'. His words, not yours.

As that night went on though, the tiniest bit of worry coursed through you. Chan hadn't come back out. Not even when the other members came home, trying to knock on his door to greet him. Or when the food was ready to be served, you had even given knocking a try. Only after Hyunjin begged you to, because 'He already doesn't take care of himself. He needs to eat.' No, you didn't see him again that night until you had already walked out the front door. He slipped out behind you shortly after, grabbing you by the wrist and stopping you. 

You thought he was going to continue the argument for a moment, but no, he was apologizing. Not much more was said afterwards, but his apology was genuine and heartfelt, so you accepted it. You two ended up hugging it out, and thank goodness no one saw that, because it was incredibly cringeworthy. He had no more major issues after that. But he was still unexplainably awkward around you, but it's not like you were any better. You two simply didn't know how to interact with each other for longer than 30 seconds. And that was pushing it. You suspected that might not ever go away. He likes to keep his walls high and strong, and you're stubborn at times.

But of course,  despite that stubbornness. You developed some sort of feelings towards him. Feelings you refused to acknowledge, well tried to refuse. You would push those feelings down deep within your heart, put them in a little box, and tape it shut trying to forget it's there. There was no need to pine over the man, he had stay to do that for him, and who knows who else in his life. Somehow that box always ended up ripped open again.

There was never a reason to act on these feelings. Not to mention, you think you'd be breaking SO MANY rules. Putting your job, his job, hell everyone's job at risk. Or worse, making a fool of yourself when he would downright reject you.

You keep watching him, now he's shaking his leg up and down, seeming agitated. Maybe he just doesn't want everyone getting into a vulnerable state of mind while playing? Maybe he's worried somebody will say or do something wrong? That someone will cross a line, as he loves to say?

Trying to ease his negative feelings, and extend yet another olive branch. You toss a throw pillow at him, hitting him in the chest and pulling him out of his thoughts.

He looks at you, eyebrows wrinkled in confusion, and you just chuckle nervously at him saying, "Don't worry, it's like Vegas. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"God how fuckin' corny was that?" Ji teases you, poking your side making you giggle more.

To your relief, Chan is laughing with you, and shaking his head, "I just want them to behave."

"Oh relax, we're all grown. We're all friends. So we'll get to know each other more intimately, big whoop." You shrug.

"Mmm..." He replied, before raising his voice so everyone could hear him, "Whatever is spoken about tonight, doesn't leave this room."

"I swear you're the one with anxiety sometimes, not me." Ji mumbles.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... dad." Hyunjin says as he sits next to you and Ji.

"As if that announcement even had to be made, I swear, and you wonder why we call you old." Seungmin comments.

Once everyone is settled in with their drinks, Minho directs Chan to start the game.

"Jisung, when was the last time you cried?"

He laughed, "You're trying to embarrass me because you know it was this morning, but I am confident and secure in the fact that I am a sensitive man."

He said the last bit with his hand over his heart, and his eyes closed, effectively making everyone chuckle.

"My poor baby, why were you crying?" You question teasingly.

"Please don't bring it up, he'll start blubbering all over again. Stupid, sad, dog rescue videos." Seungmin mumbles.

"Minho!" Ji shouts, pointing at him dramatically, "This question is for you. If you had to kiss someone in this room on the cheek, who would it be?"

"Hyunjin." He said bluntly, making you and everyone else laugh while Hyune just rolled his eyes.

"Would you kiss me back?" He asked him, eyes full of hope and bottom lip jutted out and pouting, trying to act cute. And succeeding, honestly.

Hyunjin acted like he was pondering the question, but ultimately was the first to take a sip from his glass, "I decline to answer."

He looked to you next, a suggestive smirk on his face, making you the next victim, "Y/niiieee..."

"Oi, be respectful." Chan scolds immediately, not liking the look at all.

"All I was going to do was repeat the question!" He said defensively, "Y/n, if you had to choose, who would you kiss on the cheek?"

You tried hard to keep your eyes from trailing over to Chan, a tingly feeling spreading across your skin at the mere thought of innocently kissing his cheek. Instead you chose the easy answer, because it wasn't a lie. You'd also kiss your best friend on the cheek any time.

"My Jiji of course," And you took his face in one hand, squeezing his cheeks between your middle finger and thumb, and plant a loud smooch on each of them, "he probably only asked because he wanted one anyways."

He just chuckles, letting you baby him and Seungmin fake gags.

"Minnieee..." You pause trying to come up with a question, "when you dye your hair next, what color would you want?"

"Green, my entire head green."

"That would look interesting." You laugh.

You all go 'round in circles for a few rounds, completely forgetting about the rules of the game. Having now finished your glasses from casually sipping throughout the game, most of you have switched to occasional shots. You're starting to feel warm and tipsy. Of course the more you all drank, the more the questions started to get more... amorous. Which is exactly how you all assumed this game would go. No wonder Chan was so anxious.

However looking over to him now, he's definitely having a good time. Like every other person, he loosens up while drinking, but tonight he seems even more so.

"Y/n," Chan starts with a sly look making your skin buzz again. Among all of you, he is 100% the most inebriated right now, "when was your first kiss?"

"Yah! He tells us to be respectful, but look how he is after a few drinks!" Changbin yells laughing.

Chan loses it, "You're right Binnie, you don't have to answer or drink." He says in between fits of squeaky laughter. 

You think you could listen to him laugh all day.

You shake your head and snort, "I've answered worse questions playing this game before. I was 13 when I had my first kiss."

Hyunjin nearly spits his drink out, because again, no one is drinking just as punishment anymore, "13?!"

"Well, yeah, it's a pretty normal age in America... I think..." you started to blush, "why, how old were you?" you ask Hyunjin.

He hesitates, but eventually he spoke, "I was 18."

The rest chime in saying they were also 18 or 19. With the exception of Felix who said he was 16.

Without even thinking you start to say, "Aaah, see I was 18 when I-" and you're abruptly stopped with Ji's hand slapping over your mouth.

Your eyes go wide, caught off guard, but understanding as you almost blurted out unnecessary information. Nothing that Ji hadn't known obviously, it's just that everyone else doesn't really know you on that level. 

"Jagi, you only had to answer the one question, adding extra info, that's not how you play the gaaaaame." He says in a sing-song voice, "Hyunjin it's your turn to ask someone."

"No no no no! What was she going to say?" Chan chuckles.

When you looked at him, he winked at you, and you had to stop yourself from going limp in Ji's arms. He knew damn well what you were going to say. Why is he teasing, no torturing you like this?

You peel Ji's hand off your mouth to respond "It's not your turn, you'll have to wait to ask me that."

The group starts laughing and shouting, teasing Chan who is ignoring it all, just staring at you with curious eyes and his tongue in his cheek. Does he know how hot he looks doing that?

"Okay, so then I'll ask you. What were you going to say?" Hyunjin asks calmly, trying to fight the smile off his face.

You pour yet another shot, and knock it back thinking, what the hell, "I was going to say I was 18 when I first hooked up with a man."

Some members looked surprised, the game taking an obvious turn. However Hyunjin, Felix, and Chan started laughing again.

"I knew that's what you were going to say." Felix slurred. 

"Yeah I was definitely teasing you on that, because I knew." Chan followed.

"Mmm, well judging from the shocked faces of everyone else, you two seem to be the only psychics." You try to joke, wanting the attention off of you suddenly.

"No, don't get us wrong, not all of us are as innocent as you think." Seungmin says defensively.

"Oh really now?" You respond, one brow quirking up.

Seungmin just turned red, and sat back in his seat. To which Chan started laughing, yet again. He's a giggly drunk, and you love it.

"Don't tease my puppy, babe." Ji slurred, trying to reach his arm to console Seungmin, but ultimately failing.

"I mean I was 18 too, with the same girl I first kissed." Hyunjin shrugged.

"But what do you mean 'to a man'?" Jeongin asked with a shit eating grin on his face. 

You promptly turned into a tomato, and started choking on air.

"You're not that slow pabo, obviously it means she's been with women too." Ji says, rather loudly and speaking freely, all while patting your back.

You're quiet. It's not like it's a secret, you've never hidden your sexuality. But it never came up in conversation with anyone here, except Jisung.

Wanting to ease the tone, Felix speaks up, "Well I was 18 when I first hooked up with a dude."

"I was 21, but everyone already knows that story." Ji slurred.

The whole conversation triggers another group laughing fit. Except for Chan, who is looking at you with those dark eyes again. And... is he blushing? Or is that the alcohol? He eventually snaps out of whatever daze he was in, and slowly smiles at you reassuringly.

You mentally kick yourself for getting your hopes up, of course he couldn't ever think of you like that. You're imagining things.

"But then, how old were you when you first hooked up with a girl?" Jeongin asked again, genuinely curious.

"A lot younger than 18..." You trailed off laughing, "I'll just say in high school."

"The air is different outside of Korea." Changbin says suddenly, sounding thoughtful.

Hyunjin nearly collapsed laughing, slapping Minho on the knee repeatedly, despite the glare he was shooting him.

"Well I just answered a bunch of questions in a row so that means I get to ask two people a question. And the second person I ask gets the next turn." You say, making up new rules. 

"So... Chan." He looks at you with his eyebrows raised and you just smirk, knowing you're trying to get back at him, "How old were YOU when you lost your virginity?"

He gulps and looks around at the group before answering, "I... was 18."

"Chan-hyung, you never answered us when we would ask you! Why answer her?" Jisung whines.

"I honestly don't know, maybe it's the liquor. None of you ever asked me drunk." He starts giggling.

"Okay so question 2... Binnie!" He gulps and looks at you with wide eyes, "Are you more of a boob guy?" You say grabbing your own, not even really thinking about it, "Or an ass guy?"

Changbin started laughing and answered, "Definitely ass, but I appreciate boobs too, equality."

"I am just learning so much about my fellow members lately." Seungmin whispers.

"Is that a bad thing?" You giggle.

"Not at all, it feels strangely comforting, letting loose like this." He replies and smiles softly at me, "It's been a while."

"It's freeing!" Jeongin yells abruptly, throwing his hands in the air.

"Aye, my question is for you then Min. Have you ever had a wet dream?" Changbin asks.

"... what guy hasn't? Don't all guys get them?" He asks looking around.

Then you chime in again frankly, "Girls can get them too you know."

Why does it feel like you've opened pandora's box on your sex life, in every single aspect?

Ji starts laughing, nodding his head vigorously and you know where this is about to go.

"Really now?" Felix says, mimicking your exact tone from earlier, "What was it about?"

"Mmmm... it's not your turn to ask," Then you turn to Seungmin, "And if you ask me, I will absolutely drink and not answer. No way I'm explaining a sex dream right now."

Seungmin just rolls his eyes and huffs out a laugh.

"But I wanna knooooooow," Jisung whines, "You looked so cute having one last weekend, you never told me what it was about."

Everyone was watching you two closely now, waiting to hear how he knew what you looked like in that situation.

You turned around and smacked his arm, "We weren't going to mention that ever again! Remember?!" You attempt to be angry, but you can't help it and end up smiling.

"Okay, well now I'm curious since you two are bringing this up." Minho says with a glint in his eye.

"Y/n may or may not have had one when I slept over, and I woke up to her moaning and hump--"

This time it was your turn to slap a hand over his mouth, "Jiji, Sungie, my love, my sweet sweet SWEET best friend. I don't want to kill you, but I will." You say in a dulcet tone.

He raised his hands, eyes wide and nodded his head. You couldn't help but laugh, apparently you're a giggly drunk too.

Out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw Chan adjusting himself in his pants. But then you reminded yourself that it was just wishful thinking and an alcohol induced hallucination. Horny hallucination. God you needed to get over him and under someone else. This unrequited shit wasn't for you.

"I'm so never going to drop this you know, I wanna know what the hell happened." Minho smirked at you, to which you flipped him off jokingly.

It's Seungmin's turn next, and he's just staring at Jeongin with a blank face, "Have you ever had a one night stand?"

He pauses for a moment and then finally answers, "No, I haven't."

He looked at you now, asking his question, "You know what I have to ask now, right?"

"Go ahead." You challenge, fully prepared to choke down another shot and not answer his question, and he smiles.

"What's one of your kinks?"

You were unprepared for that question. And how could you know he would ask that, these men like to fuck around with your head.

"Relax, I just wanted to see your reaction." He says before chuckling.

You glared at him for a moment, halfheartedly. They think they can just retract questions when they get scared that they went too far. Screw that, you're answering.

"I guess the most simple one I have is edging." You shrug.

"The most simple one?!" Hyunjin asked.

"What are you a masochist? Edging is the worst, feels like torture to me." Ji says.

"But the build up is so delicious, and the end result is so worth it. It's so intense." Felix chimes in, "Choking too, that can be intense." 

"Hm, breath play might actually be my favorite." You admit.

"Damn y/n." Ji says, eyeing you with a smile, "You're full of surprises, even to this day." 

You shrug again, "Everyone has different kinks... What's one of yours?" You ask him.

He ponders for a moment, "I like being dommed sometimes."

"Big surprise." Minho says and you all laugh.

"Good one though," You nod, "That's one of mine too."

"I think I'm an exhibitionist, to an extent of course." Hyunjin says next.

"That's also not a surprise." Minho replies.

You can't help but let your eyes wander over to Chan again, while everyone else is sharing different things they're into in bed. The liquor has everyone speaking loosely. But Chan doesn't seem to care about it anymore.

You find him staring right back at you, that same look in his eyes from earlier, and you feel heat spread in your stomach, and wetness starts to pool in your panties. Maybe you weren't imagining things.

But you don't notice that Ji's observing both of you in his drunken haze. Not too faded to ignore you and Chan eye-fucking each other.

Your heart starts racing the longer you hold eye contact, and you start shifting uncomfortably on his lap, before looking away and deciding to get up.

"Alright... I need some bread to soak up this alcohol, and then I need to get home because it's already 2 in the morning." You say with a shaky breath.

"Yeah, I'm wasted right now," Jeongin says and stands, "Bed's a good idea. Goodnight everyone." And he leaves to his room.

Ji grabs your wrist, preventing you from moving, "You're not going anywhere. We're all drunk, you can't drive and no one can bring you back home."

"Fiiiiiiine," You say, "but I still want bread."

"You and your bread fixation whenever you drink." Minho mumbles, heading to the kitchen anyways to grab you some.

When he comes back he hands it to you and you start munching away happily, doing a little dance.

Meanwhile, Felix is trying to tug Chan's arms to make him stand up, but he's fighting him on it and whining. Clearly he exceeded his limit tonight drinking. He probably won't even remember the looks he was giving you, you think.

"I don't wanna go to bed." Chan whines.

Felix finally succeeds in pulling him up, "C'mon mate, you definitely need to sleep this off. You'll be miserable tomorrow. Let's get you some water too, hmm?"

Chan reluctantly holds his arm, and follows him down the hall, stumbling over his own two feet along the way. You can't help but laugh at the sight.

More of the boys say goodnight and head off to their rooms, but Ji and Minho stay with you in the living room, chatting a little longer before bed.

Ji starts going through his bags, determined that you left some pajamas here from when you slept over previously, and he kept them in a bag to give back to you. He pulls out the nightie, that you honestly forgot you brought here. But you see why you didn't ever wear it at the time. It's dark green, spaghetti straps and has lace along the bust line. It also has slits on each side of your thigh, and only covers you to the middle of your thighs. Your go to sleepware was always nighties or large tees, they're comfortable and sometimes you get hot at night. Mix in the fact that you were drinking tonight? You're already feeling overheated. But wearing this?

"Jiiiiiii, don't you have any t-shirts I can wear?" You whine.

He's already under the covers, fighting sleep, "Sorry babe... haven't done laundry... Nothing clean..."

You whine again before taking it and heading across the hall into one of the bathrooms. It was this or sleep in your sweats, and that idea sounded entirely too suffocating to you.

You slip the nightie on and brush your teeth with your designated toothbrush you had there. Jisungs idea, after you had too much tequila one night and he diligently held your hair back as you got sick.

You sigh as you're leaving, and make your way towards Ji's room. Before you reach the door though, Chan walks out of his room. He's in a black tank top, and red boxer briefs... your eyes immediately trail down and go wide. His outline clear as day. But you change your view quickly, hopefully before he notices.

It doesn't help though, now all you're doing is eyeing his arms, the muscles cut throughout them. The veins that trail all the way down to his hands. God, his hands... What wouldn't you let those hands do to you...

He scratches the back of his head, and the movement snaps you out of your gaze. You find him staring back at you for a second before answering, "Sorry, I'll just..."

You start to shake your head, "No, no. No reason to apologize." You chuckle and start shifting on your feet. You feel the skirt of your nightie swaying with you. It opened the slit wider, and Chan immediately looked down at your exposed thigh. He inhaled quietly, sucking in air through his nose.

Any other day, you'd be scrambling to cover yourself. Feeling insecure and too bare. You don't know if it was the liquor in you, but tonight? Being on display? It turned you on.

You clenched your thighs together, almost involuntarily, and Chan didn't miss that.

Time seemed to be moving too slow. He stepped towards you, nearly closing the gap between you. He's only inches away, and looking down on you. His eyes have that dark, smoldery look again. He raised his hand and brushed the curls off your face and behind your ear. When he rests his palm against your cheek, your eyes flutter shut and you lean into his touch. It's so warm, and comforting. As if it was always meant for you.

When you open your eyes, you can clearly see the lust in his is only growing. He's not holding it back anymore, biting his lip as he stares at you. You almost whimper in anticipation.

"This is your opportunity to walk away if you're not okay with me kissing you." He says lowly.

You closed your eyes, and his lips met yours. The first few seconds were sweet and soft. Almost too innocent for the heat of the moment, but then he deepened it. He was pulling you by the waist into him, running his hands down and resting them on your ass. You could easily feel how hard he was for you, even through the thin fabrics. This time you let the whimper out, and he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth. When you tried to do the same, he didn't give you the chance. Instead he slipped his tongue in. It was like he was lost in desire, and greedy for more. You couldn't help it when your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

He groaned and started backing you into the wall, his lips never leaving yours. He grabbed your thighs in each hand, and hoisted you up, slotting himself between them. Your legs naturally wrapped around him, and he started rocking his length against you. His pace was achingly slow, but still delicious.

You moaned and slipped a hand up to the nape of his neck, grabbing a fistful of hair. He breaks the kiss and throws his head back with his eyes closed. He half hisses, half groans, and you can't help but rock your hips against him harder, hoping to hear more. He grips your thigh tighter, and leans down to press a quick kiss to your neck, before licking and sucking on it. He's meeting each roll of your hips with rough thrusts. And even clothed, you feel how perfectly he's rubbing your clit.

Your head is so clouded with need. Need to be touched. Need to touch him. Need to feel him inside of you. You don't even think twice when he glides his hand up your stomach, and over your breasts. He gives one a light squeeze before moving up to wrap his fingers around your neck, and your brain loses all sense for a moment.

He's just resting his hand there, but you wish he'd do more. You're not sure if this man knows just how pliant you are for him right now.

Then he brings his lips to your ear and whispers, "Can I touch you?"

His warm breath gives you chills, and you nod your head as best as you can. But that doesn't suffice him, he stops his movements against you and his grip around your throat tightens. You think you could probably get off on it if he tightens his fingers just a bit more, but he doesn't, instead he says, "I'm going to need words, babygirl."

Your hips buck into him, and you breathe out a quiet "Yes. Please..."

With that, he yanks your face closer to his by your neck. He's squeezing ever so slightly tighter around your throat. He bites your lip and you groan. But he's quick to silence you with his tongue.

Letting go, he trailed his hand back down your body and to your core. Slowly he started to rub you through the thin lace. You were so sensitive, that when he found your clit and pressed a circle into it. You couldn't help but breathe out his name. He pushed your panties to the side, and when he felt you for the first time you felt him smile against your lips.

"Babygirl... fuck, you're so wet for me." 

And as he whispered that, he slipped a finger in you. He set a steady pace, dragging against your walls with a curl. Each pump hitting your sweet spot, and the heel of his hand creating delightful friction against your swollen bud. His breathing was heavy in your ear, breaking through all your helpless whimpering. When he added a second finger, you couldn't hold back anymore.

"Chan..." You moaned louder this time, while simultaneously letting your head drop against the wall with a thud.

He pulled his lips off of you, eyes wide when he met yours. He started blinking as if he was coming back to reality. When he looked into your eyes again, he looked startled.

"What's wrong?" You pant, feeling hot and dizzy, wishing he would keep moving his hands.

Instead, he quickly slips his fingers out of you, and sets your feet on the floor. Then he backs away.

"I'm sorry, y/n... I don't know what came over me, that was incredibly inappropriate and out of character." Chan mumbled.

Your heart sinks, as you feel the sting of rejection. Tears threatened to well in your eyes, and you immediately felt the oncoming headache from holding them back. You shouldn't feel so emotional and upset. This was all spur of the moment. But you do, you feel devastated.

Regardless, you clear your throat, "I understand." You force an unsettling chuckle out, when a sob threatens to escape instead.

He puts on a blank face that feels so cold, and responds with "Don't forget to drink some water, stay hydrated... I'll be heading to bed now, you should too."

All you really want to say is don't leave, because you want to finish what was started. Because you've wanted this for so long. Because the box you kept away in the depths of your heart had ripped open once again. And all the languished emotions were here, front and center, aching to bear it all to him. To let him see. Confess. But that would be selfish, he's clearly uncomfortable with it all. He probably regrets it. An alcohol induced affair. In his eyes, a complete mistake. 

So instead you say, "Okay."

Because that's all you can muster before the tears start to fall. You turn away,  going back to facing Ji's door. 

"Goodnight y/n... Sleep well." He says, and puts a tentative hand on your shoulder.

You shrug it off, and escape to Ji's bedroom. To your surprise he's sitting up in bed, and ushering you come to him with his arms open and bottom lip pouted out.

You run to him, a bit dramatically and fall a part in his arms. But you can't help it, you sealed these emotions away for too long. You were too hurt at the moment to even try pushing them back down.

Jisung is your life saver, he's comforting you, rubbing his fingers on your scalp and rocking you back and forth to try and calm you. He gives you time before you have to explain why exactly you're having a melt down.

"Chan's an idiot." He finally says.

And you lean back to look at him, confused on how quickly he's put two and two together.

"Well you weren't exactly quiet. Between your exaggerated moans and his animalistic grunting right outside my door, of course I heard it." He rolled his eyes jokingly and that earned a laugh from you.

You smacked him lightly, "I was lost in the moment... don't judge me."

"Jagi..." He says, and wipes the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs, "You've liked him for so much longer than a moment."

Your heart starts pounding faster again. How could he know that. It's the one thing you've kept from him, from everyone, hell you even denied it to yourself for as long as possible. Was it that obvious? Who else knows? You go to speak, fear written across your face.

"No. You were not obvious, in fact you're an amazing actor. I'm sure none of the other members noticed, and definitely no one else at work knew." He answers before you can even get words out.

You nod slowly, "So then, how'd you know?"

He smiled proudly, "I'm a people watcher, I see all."

You smack him again, a little harder this time.

"Alright, alright, but I really did see all the looks you'd give him when no one else was watching... I know what longing looks like, and..." he trailed off.

You knew that wasn't all, "And?"

"Aaaaand... maybe that night you had that wet dream. You were moaning his name while humping the pillow..."

"You never told me that!" You shoved your head into your hands, distraught.

"Well I didn't want to embarrass you! I honestly didn't think you looked at any of us that way until then. Like I said, a good actor. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready to."

You sighed, "I'm sorry. It's just a stupid crush, it'll pass."

"You're grown, you don't have to apologize to anyone for liking someone. But y/n," He cupped your cheek forcing you to look at him again, "this isn't just a simple crush, is it?"

With that question, you felt the tears spilling all over again. He pulled you to lay down with him, holding you tight against him and letting you cry it all out. Somewhere between his low humming, and your quiet weeping, you fell asleep.

When you blink the sleep away from your eyes the next morning, you're still entangled with Ji. He's literally wrapped around you like a koala.

You snort out a laugh and go to check the time on your phone. 7:30 am, entirely too early. You decide to try and fall back asleep, but last night's events rush back to you. Dread fills your chest, and your fight or flight kicks in. You're trying to gently escape Ji's hold, and not hyperventilate. The latter is more difficult but, since that man can sleep through anything, you were able to succeed.

You get changed back into your clothes, and leave a note for him saying that you're leaving and you'll text him when you get home. You can't bear to face Chan, let alone anyone else who might've heard you two last night. So you decide to skip out on the usual coffee and breakfast routine. You all have that tradition after a drunken night, but you know Ji will cover for you with everyone anyways.

You're rushing down the hall, wanting to grab your things and head for the door. Panic is starting to bubble over, and you're haphazardly covering yourself up to be unnoticeable. As you're slipping the mask over your face, a voice stops you.

"Morning... don't you want to stay for breakfast?"

You can't bring yourself to look at Chan, those words only setting the box of emotions in your heart on fire. You know he only means it in the way that it is an unbroken tradition. No matter how sick one of you gets, group breakfast is a must for recuperation. No one has skipped it in the months you've been doing it. We all take care of each other. But the idea makes your mouth bitter, because you wish it was just you two. Alone. Making breakfast the morning after earth shattering sex. And the fact he doesn't mean it in that way in the slightest makes tears prick back into your eyes.

Yes, you know you're being petty. You should stick it through for your friends. Take a page from Chan and act like nothing ever happened. You just can't find it inside you to care, you need to go home and lick your wounds before facing anyone here again. Call it childish, but you didn't care.

You're struggling to find words and just blurt out, "No thanks." And rush out the door, heading to the safety of your car.

You left Chan standing there. Unbeknownst to you, hurting just as much.

Special thank you to @jeonginsleftcheek who encouraged me through finishing this! I had finished it, and then accidentally deleted the entire ending. But in turn, that was a good thing I think... because now there'll be a part 2! If you'd like to be added to a taglist, let me know and I'll start one! Feedback is always cherished, but be gentle pleeeeeeeease ♡

[scottiexmariee]

Ok so I've been loving all if the stuff you've been putting out so far, it's literally so good!!! My request is how the lads would react to you falling down the stairs and I'm talking like a long stream of stairs (totally not bc I fell down the stairs today while watching sylus edits hehehe)

First of all, omg, I am so sorry but I giggled. I hope you're okay!

Here you go, anon. I hope this is what you had in mind! Do me a favor and ban yourself from watching Sylus edits near stairs!!

How the boys would react to you falling down the stairs

Characters: Xavier x Reader | Zayne x Reader | Rafayel x Reader | Sylus x Reader Warnings: Stairs are your biggest op.

(little bit of falling, little bit of fluff. Lots of love for anon)

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.9k

☆ Man would be mortified.

☆ He turned his back for two seconds, next thing he knows you're takin a tumble

☆ Would most likely ban you from being near stairs by yourself again

☆ “You can take down wanderers, but lose a fight against stairs?” 

☆ Would let you lean on him for support the rest of the night (he knows it hurt)

The elevator to your shared apartment building had broken down. By the time the two of you had arrived home to find that out, it was 11pm, and far too late for maintenance to come out to fix it. You were stuck taking the stairs until maintenance arrived tomorrow morning.

Normally, this wouldn't be an issue. However, your day had been excruciatingly long, and the stairs were more of an obstacle and a hinderance than they should have been. Your body was sore, your legs felt like jelly, and you really hated stairs in general.

Xavier looked down at you, stifling a laugh at the exasperated expression on your face. "I could always just carry you," He offered, extending his hand.

Whether it was your pride or your stubbornness, you couldn't accept. "I'm fine," You insisted, although it sounded like you were reassuring yourself more than Xavier. "You're tired too. Go ahead, I'm right behind you," You would very quickly find out that your last statement aged like milk left out in the sun.

Xavier shot you one last skeptical glance before he turned and began walking up the stairs. You followed suit, doing a decent job until you stepped wrong and lost your balance. Your arms flailed, successfully grabbing on to nothing. The only audible indication that you were about to fall was the startled gasp that left your mouth, which caught Xavier's attention with just enough time left to helplessly watch you fall.

You stumbled backward, colliding with every single one of the 13 steps on your way down. Every single stair caused a painful shock and an even bigger dent to your ego.

Xavier was kneeling by your side in an instant.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice laced with concern. He helped you sit up, carefully eyeing you for any visible injuries. You were very sore, but luckily not seriously injured. At most, you'd likely be bruised in the morning.

You let out a huff of air, stifling a pained grunt in the process. "Well, that was embarrassing,"

Xavier stared at you, wide-eyed and looking like he was 3 seconds away from calling an ambulance.

"Xav. I'm alright," You insisted, twisting to lift yourself up.

Xavier intervened, quickly scooping you up before you could get to your feet.

"No," He said, shaking his head. "You're banned from stairs,"

With that, he began walking back up the stairs you'd just tumbled down. While you were nearly dying from the embarrassment, Xavier actually didn't mind carrying you. In fact, he'd rather carry you up and down every flight of stairs you encountered for the rest of your life if it meant he wouldn't witness another fall like that again.

Once you were safely at the top, he gently set you down outside of your apartment, making sure to keep hold of you in case you were unsteady on your feet.

"I can stand," You assured him. You were still heavily embarrassed, but ultimately thankful that he was so sweet.

He kept an arm on you until your door was unlocked.

"Is it too soon to say you should have accepted my offer the first time?"

You shot him a glare, although it lacked any real heat.

"I think I should stick around for the night, just in case you happen to encounter anymore stairs,"

❅ Professional Zayne mode engaged immediately

❅ Depending on how bad the fall was, you're getting a full body exam before you're even allowed off the floor

❅ and that's not it, either

❅ You think you might bruise? Cold Compress. 15 Minutes. Now.

❅ Man will be stressed for the rest of his life any time you're in the same vicinity as a single stair

Zayne had lost track of the amount of times he'd warned you to be slower coming down the stairs. Every single time you came down them, two at a time and at a speed that was less than acceptable, he'd get heart palpitations, convinced that this was the time you were going to fall.

It was coming, and he knew it. He warned you. You, however, tore through the house like a woman on a mission. You had a habit of learning the hard way, and you're simply too prideful to take his warnings seriously.

Until about 30 seconds ago.

You don't even remember what you were going to tell him. You'd been upstairs, he'd been downstairs. You raced down the stairs, coming in hot, and somehow miscalculated a step about halfway down.

That fall that Zayne had warned you about numerous times was finally a reality, and damn it was painful.

Zayne, from the kitchen, heard what sounded suspiciously like a body bouncing off the stairs and immediately stopped what he was doing to come check on you.

He rounded the corner, and there you were in all your glory: dazed, disoriented, and sore with a bloody lip serving as the cherry on top.

"Don't move," He said gently, kneeling at your side. With well trained eyes, he began looking you over. "Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere," You groaned. It was true. 30 seconds ago you were having the time of your life, and now you felt like you'd been hit by a semi truck.

The next 10 minutes consisted of Zayne thoroughly checking every limb, asking you to answer various questions ("what day is it? What year is it? Time? Count backwards from 10. What comes after W?") and forcibly holding an icepack to your lip.

He ended up carrying you to the couch, gently laying you down so he could continue what he was doing while simultaneously babysitting you.

He did not hit you with an "I told you so,"

Not yet, anyway.

However, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't looking for a house that didn't have stairs.

❀ He'd hear it from the other room and think a tree fell on his studio or something

❀ "Is it storming? I swear I heard thunder,"

❀ He'd make sure you were okay, but he's definitely teasing you about it later

❀ "I'm looking for a new bodyguard. Mine can't even handle a staircase,"

❀ definitely makes a moment post later on

❀ ^ "thought it was storming earlier. turns out it was just (Y/N) getting in a fight with stairs and losing. 10/10 ambience though,"

❀ on a separate occasion, I can see you both falling at the same time and blaming each other for it

While Rafayel was occupied with his current project, boredom had gotten the best of you. You began exploring the studio, surprised to find a set of stairs that you hadn't noticed before. Upon further inspection, they lead to an attic.

Curiosity killed the cat, so they say. You couldn't help yourself.

Was Rafayel an attic man? What sorts of trinkets did he stash up there? The questions were burning too hot to go unanswered.

Unfortunately, it was mostly old paint supplies and boxes of random decorations that had been retired. You were left a little unsatisfied, but you had gotten an answer.

As you began to retreat, you realized the stairs felt a lot steeper than they did on the way up.

It didn't take long for you to lose your footing. The sounds that filled the air were a symphony of thuds and curses.

After laying on the ground for a few minutes, trying to recover, you opened your eyes to see Rafayel standing above you.

"You good?" He asked, kneeling down. "I kinda thought you died,"

"I'm not good, but I'm not dead."

He gently checked you over and then extended a hand to help you up.

"I think you should stay away from stairs," He drawled, leading you toward the couch. "and I also think you should sit here and recover from that,"

You plopped on the couch, too tired to protest.

Rafayel studied you for a moment longer, wanting to make sure you were truly alright before he began the teasing. It was his way of lightening the mood. "Are you sure you're alright?"

You reassured him that yes, you were alright. He sat next to you, casually tossing an arm around your shoulders.

"Good, because we need to talk about your Bodyguard skills. You need training or something. You just lost a fight to some stairs,"

⟡ He was never worried about you around stairs before

⟡ but he's absolutely having remodeling done within the next 24 hours now

⟡ you are getting absolutely BABIED by this man the second he comes to your aid

⟡ You're not even lifting a fork, sweetie

⟡ You're getting tossed over his shoulder and carried like a sack of potatoes if stairs can't be avoided in the future

⟡ You're not going to get hurt again if he can help it

At times, Sylus thought it was cute when you shut your brain off around him. He knew that it meant you felt safe, and it filled him with warmth whenever he stopped to think about it.

He'd place a tactical hand over the corner of the table when you bent down to pick something up, just in case you bumped your head again, you'd hit his hand instead of the corner.

He'd gently guide you when you weren't paying attention to where you were walking, too engrossed in your conversation to look for obstacles.

You really only did it when you two were at the base. Sylus didn't mind, though. In fact, it was almost endearing, the way you were comfortable enough to turn off your spatial awareness.

He couldn't always be around to steer you away from obstacles, though.

And you, unfortunately, had a habit of walking around while looking at your phone instead of where your feet were going.

You'd done it again today. But this time, it had caused a problem.

You were walking down the stairs to get a drink, completely fixated on a video you were watching, not a single worry in the world about the steps. Sylus had chided you for it before, but it had never been an issue....until now.

You stepped too far forward and immediately ate shit the rest of the way down the stairs. Your phone clattered to the floor, ending up several feet away. Mephisto witnessed the entire thing and had the nerve to squawk at you.

To add insult to injury, Sylus just so happened to be rounding the corner just in time to see your disheveled figure crumpled on the floor at the bottom of the stairs.

He was careful not to jostle you when he knelt down.

"Can you move?"

You wiggled your fingers, your toes. Flexed your wrist, rotated your arms. Despite the horrendous pain in your side, you could still move. You answered his question with a nod.

He picked you up as gently as he could, holding you princess style with both arms, being extra careful.

"Were you on your phone?" He asked, already eyeing the evidence on the floor. The screen was shattered, but the sound of the video you'd been watching was still coming through the speakers. He'd warned you about walking distracted before, but was usually there to be a hero. Not this time.

"Maybe,"

He refused to get more than three feet away from you for the next several hours, constantly offering to get you various things you may need. Water? He's on it. A snack? You bet. Heating pad? Consider it done.

If you had known that accidentally falling down the stairs would cause Sylus to get all soft and cradle you like you were made of glass for the next few hours, you'd have fallen on purpose a lot sooner.

[alexrosa13]

Warm Embrace

Zayne x female!reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: established relationship, just a cozy evening with our doctor <3

Note: written specifically for @softxsuki contest

Edited by @asiakim03

navigation →

"Zayne!" I ran out of my apartment building, heading in the direction of the man I saw through the window just a second ago as he walked down the path towards my place.

Noticing me running towards him outside in the middle of the winter with just some sweatpants, hoodie and a pair of sneakers, his face took a rather sour expression. His eyes looking at me as if asking, 'Really woman?'

Unable to hide my excitement, I jumped straight into his arms. He caught me effortlessly like always, hugging me tight.

We didn't see each other for a little while over the week, both of our works demanding our attention exactly at the moment when the other person was free until today, fortunately. With our schedules finally lining up well enough for us to have a little date night at my apartment.

"You should have just waited for me in your apartment," his voice's as calm as always. Putting me back down, he sends me a look of a father scolding his child for bad behavior, "I don't want you catching a cold."

"I knooow, I'm sorry. I was just so excited to finally see the love of my life after an eternity of being apart!" I said, dramatically catching his shoulders in my hands, my face making the best fake-sad expression I could possibly do although he didn't look very impressed at my acting.

"Well, I apologize for making you wait an eternity for me. Now, if we could finally go inside and not make you stand in this snow any longer, I would very much be grateful," just then, I finally noticed the bag of groceries in his hand. He caught me while holding it? Impressive.

"Yes, we can. Let's go, I want cuddles ASAP!" I took his free hand into mine, pulling him towards the door of my apartment building.

Soon enough, after the short elevator ride, we finally got inside of the place I call my home.

Zayne didn't waste any time, after taking off his winter clothes, he went straight to my kitchen, unpacking the food and drinks he got for us. I followed right behind him, tailing him like a puppy after not seeing it's owner for too long. (Editor's note: Awieee, golden retriever reader energy)

I didn't bother to look through the various snacks he bought, my eyes locked on him since the moment he started his little task.

"You're about to drill a hole on my face from your staring," he said with a slight smile on his lips, his eyes catching mine.

"I can't help but be distracted by your handsome face- it’s more than enough to even make me forget to breathe." I respond, not lowering my gaze even for a second. After two years spent together, I couldn't help but grow more shameless with my little confessions, always hoping for that adorable reddish tint to grace his ears.

My statement got me the exact reaction I was hoping for, with Zayne nervously glancing back down at the groceries, unpacking the last ones with that beautiful blush that I loved.

I giggled a bit and walked a couple of steps before standing right behind him, I pulled him into a back-hug with my arms around his waist.

I heard him exhale and felt his hands holding mine. My face meeting his firm back, my body trying to get as close to his as possible.

I inhaled his scent, my eyes closing in relaxed manner. Zayne didn't wear any cologne, mostly because his profession as a surgeon didn't allow it. His natural scent mixed with the aroma of his body wash was pleasant enough for me to get addicted to- although I already am.

I felt Zayne turning around in my hold with my eyes remaining closed, my face now resting on his torso.

"Wouldn't you prefer to hug me once we'll get comfortable on your couch with a movie on?" I slowly turned my head from left to right, silently saying 'no.' His soft laugh reached my ears as his arms wrapped around me, returning my affection.

"I love you," my voice came out muffled because of how my mouth is pressed against the fabric of his shirt. He didn't respond for a moment and then I felt a soft kiss against my forehead as his arms held me a bit tighter.

"... And so do I for this heart will always be yours." he whispered in my ear like it's a secret that we share.

We hugged for another minute with no desire to let go. I missed him so much that every day without him felt endless.

I pulled my head back, looking up at him, his eyes were already locked on mine. I swear that I can see the love in his eyes every time he looks at me.

My hands went up to his face and at this moment, I held my entire world in my palms. I stood up on my tippy toes to give him a peck on the lips and the moment I pulled my head away, his hand brought it back towards him but before our lips could meet, I heard him whisper.

"... In every lifetime." he says with his lips finally catching mine in a slow but passionate kiss.

I felt my knees weakening under me, his other hand that wasn't currently placed on the back of my head took hold of my waist, bringing my body closer to his. I had no way of pulling back, not that I would have anyway.

The sound of our kisses, mingling with the echoes of city life beyond the windowsill, chased away any insignificant thoughts, leaving my mind consumed by him and our closeness.

His taste is as addictive as his smell, just like everything else about him. My perfect man.

We finally pulled back to catch our breaths, his warm breath brushing against my forehead. Our eyes closed and time seemed to stop, our existence in the universe the only thing that matters at this very moment.

My hands dropped from his face to his shoulders, his own taking a hold of my hips, firm but gentle, just like the whole Zayne that I know.

I wished for this moment to never end. I would be happy to just stay like this for the rest of eternity with tomorrow being forgotten.

"Will you stay the night? Please, I can't handle falling asleep without you any longer." I whispered, knowing that he'll hear me.

No words left his mouth for a couple of seconds, before he responds with a quiet 'Okay'.

My arms coming to hold him around his neck, pulling him into another hug that he reciprocated instantly.

I missed his presence, no matter how bad my days have been, every bad feeling disappeared the moment he holds me in his arms.

I felt like a little girl who just scraped her knees at the playground, running to a parent for a kiss and a simple 'it will be alright' will suffice to make me feel better.

Isn't it surprising that the man whose evol is literally ice and coldness brings me the warmth and comfort that no one else can?

Our plans for the evening will need to wait a little while longer for I am not planning to leave his embrace any time soon.

[thinkingboute]

masks | harry styles x model!oc

summary: Carolina Saraiva, 20 year old supermodel, has fallen into the dark. looking into the mirror, she hardly recognizes herself. At Vanity Fair's new masquerade ball, she embarrasses herself in front of one of the most famous men of 2014---Harry Styles. Chaos ensues. For many, many years.

part 2 here! and part 3!

warnings: mentions of drugs, disordered eating, vomit, anxiety, claustrophobia, (eventually sexual content but be patient friends)

a/n: I have been writing fics for myself for ages and I had an idea for a little HS series the other night and felt the need to share. Wrote this in one go and did no editing. I never read OC fics. Why am I writing an OC fic?

word count: about 1.5k

Every camera flash seemed brighter and more obnoxious than the last. Lina thought she’d have been used to the visual assault, but she was wrong. 

She’d been wrong a lot lately. 

Vanity Fair’s first ever masquerade ball drummed up quite the ruckus in the few months since it was announced. Of course, her management was thrilled when she received an invitation. At just 20 years old, Carolina Saraiva was a modeling sensation. At 18, she opened the Victoria’s Secret show, walked for Dior and Prada, and graced the cover of British Vogue---soon to be American Vogue, if her team had anything to say about it. She blew up so quickly, it was as if she spawned into superstardom in a mere moment. 

“The next Gisele,” her mother said wistfully after seeing her Vogue cover. “I have never been happier.”

Lina, however, had certainly been happier. In fact, she had never been further from happy. Joy was a limited resource in the modeling world; one that had been used up long before she took her first headshots. All that remained was coke, tequila, and passing out in the bathtub. Not that she partook in all those things exactly.

Only two. 

She was sure the cameras would catch her exhaustion, blinding light illuminating her dark circles, hallowed cheeks, and heavy lids.

Is Carolina Saraiva Bringing Back Cocaine Couture?

Model Down: Fresh Face Carolina Saraiva Faceplants on the Way into Vanity Fair’s Latest Party

Coke-alina: Brazilian Bombshell is Strung Out at High Profile Event

She was sure the tabloids would have their think pieces on the health of supermodels and their drug usage by sunrise. She didn’t bother with the coke rumors anymore. It’s not like there wasn’t validity to them, really. Lina wasn’t doing coke, but she was one of the few. 

“To your left, Carolina,” one photographer called out, stirring from her daydream. Lina whipped her head around, hair cascading down her back, and shot the man a wide, dimpled smile. More cheers erupted. For once, Lina was glad for them; they confirmed to her that her mask---the metaphorical one---had yet to slip on the outside. The real one, large and feathered, actually did seem to be sliding down her nose. She charmingly pushed it back up, eliciting laughs from the eager-to-please paps swarming her. 

A strong hand made its way to her mid-back: Darren, her security. She leaned back into it, grateful for the support. He took her small handbag from her without even a glance. She smiled her first genuine smile in a long time. She was prone to losing every bag she carried. With a half-hearted wave behind her, she made her way through the large, iron wrought doors. 

The opulence of celebrity events still floored her, even years into her career. There was a time, so distant in her memory, when she would have slashed, bitten, and crawled through fire to be in this position. Now, she would give anything to leave. 

Where else would she go, then? There were times before that she missed the tranquility of her family’s ranch in Florida, or the warm mornings in their family home in Sao Paulo. 

These days, Lina couldn’t think of anywhere she wanted to be. 

Darren’s hand dropped from her back, causing her to stumble at the loss of support. She surveyed the scene, eager to find a back door or balcony for fresh air. That was one thing New York lacked. 

Instead, her eyes caught a tall figure, adorned in pale pinks and gold jewels, with a dress whose hoop must’ve added at least two feet to her radius. 

Behind that bejeweled mask, the woman’s eyes caught Linas. 

“Oh, my goodness, you lady of the night!” Gigi exclaimed, shuffling as fast as she could through the crowd to grab Lina’s hands. They both looked down to examine her dress. The blackish blue, corseted, tulle ballgown was vintage and, for once, Lina couldn’t remember the designer. The silhouette was historical, remanent of Victorian style pieces. Alongside the dramatic, feathered mask, she was reminiscent of a ghost. She laughed to herself. How fitting.

Mustering up her most genuine smile, she said, “You look like a princess!” Gigi smiled at that. Lina really meant it. Gigi was always happy, it seemed. She was more human than any other girl she’d met in the industry. 

They looked around the room, startled as the chandeliers shut off dramatically. A sort of eerie light filled the room from some other source. It was as if there was a nightclub in the 1800s. 

“It feels like I left 2014 the moment I got here,” Gigi whispered. Lina was inclined to whisper, too, with the atmosphere changing so quickly.

Before she got the chance, deafening bass filled the room, shaking the floor. Gigi waved in apology as she was pulled by faceless hand back into the crowd. Lina could have thrown up right there. Her eyes set on the bar, she pushed her way through the crowd. 

Sweat seemed to fog up the room, humidity surely ruining her freshly blown out hair. Each time she found a pathway through the gyrating bodies, an arm or leg or ass threw itself in her way. The room that seemed endless when she first walked in was no larger than a corridor now. Worse, a coffin. She was panting. Another woman stepped back into her path. Lina threw her hands out towards her, shoving her back into her dance partner who was clearly on another planet. She heard a distant ‘augh’ but could not find it within herself to care. She was having a hard time finding anything within herself. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate something. 

The bar came into view, or really, the crowd the engulfed the bar came into view. She shoved into two men who leaned casually on the counter. A drink appeared in front of her, and she was inclined to take it. 

Turning around to lean her back against the cold marble, Lina closed her eyes. She downed the drink and handed her empty glass to one of the men standing beside her, who slid his hand along her lower back. Saliva filled her mouth. Slapping a hand over pursed lips, she ran towards what looked like a bathroom.

She tried to slam the door open, but barely had the strength to push it open. Her steps were uneven. Her head was in the toilet bowl before she even realized she found a stall. 

After retching for what felt like an hour, Lina attempted to stand, but her ankles gave out under her. Yelling out in frustration, she slapped her hands on the toilet bowl for leverage. 

Hands washed, she leaned on the cool countertop, looking up at herself in the mirror.

Hair frizzed on top, lip gloss everywhere but her lips, darkness beneath her cheekbones that she knew was not from her hour-long stint in the makeup chair---Lina looked in to her eyes, hidden behind the mask, and cried. 

The door shot open behind her, followed by a long sigh, followed again by a yelp. 

Lina’s head shot back. There was a man behind her. Because she was in the men’s bathroom. She was sure she would vomit into the sink.

“Oh---oh my god. I’m so sorry, I could’ve sworn this was the men’s toilet, Niall that absolute fucking bastard.”

Lina’s head whipped back just before bile filled her mouth. 

“Holy shit, are you alright?”

Lina took a deep breath. “I’m perfectly fine, thank you.” She had never sounded less fine in her goddamn life. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…” her hand swiped around the counter for a handbag that wasn’t there. 

Fucking Darren. 

“No, no, why don’t I go, yeah?” the man said, coughing to cover his laugh. “I think you might need…to be here more than me.”

“Nope, nope, I’ll be going,” Lina whined. 

“Actually, why don’t I just grab someone for you. You come here with anyone?”

Lina could not remember Darren’s name at the moment. 

“How much have you had to drink? Or have you…done something else?”

“Are you asking me if I’ve done coke tonight, Harry Styles?”

Lina turned to look at him fully. He wore an all-black suit with satin flower details along the lapels. His mask was simple, matching the detailing of his jacket. Behind it, green eyes above pink-flushed cheeks looked her up and down, stepping back as if to avoid another onslaught of vomit. 

“No. I mean, yeah, sure, if you have, but I don’t mean to assume anyth---”

“No. I have not. Why does everyone think I do coke?”

Harry looked at her once again. 

“I mean---”

“I am not typically puking in men’s restrooms.”

A laugh. “Never said you were, Carolina.”

Oh. 

“You know my name.”

“Hard not to. Can’t escape your face if I fucking tried.”

“You want to escape my face?”

“Never said that either, darling.”

Oh.

“I think maybe I should go.”

Harry’s teasing smile became a grimace of concern. “At least let me get you a cab.”

Lina shook her head, the room shaking with it. “No, no, if you leave, they won’t let you back in.”

“I’m Harry Styles. Sure, they will."

“How presumptuous.”

A shrug. “Just saying.”

Lina swipes, once again, for the handbag that isn’t there. Harry’s eyes widen slightly. “Go find whatever bastard you were moaning about earlier. I’ll be fine.”

“Come on---” But Lina had already pushed passed him. Back into the sea of people. Back into that coffin of a room. 

a/n: please let me know if you want to see more of this!! I will write it anyway but I'm curious lol

part 2 here!!

[ayellowdaylily]

Commander's Needs [NSFW]

» pairing: canon!Hange x afab!Reader » summary: Delivering Levi's paperwork to a certain Commander turns into something you could only dream about. » word count: 3.4k » notes/warnings: smut... p in v, please read my Hange headcanon for this! lots of pet names (dear, darling, good girl, love), Hange has a cock and boobs *Vine boom*, major slow burn » a/n: I had sm fun writing this so I hope you guys enjoy it (first fic on Tumblr so pls be nice T-T) this is also half not edited bc it's 3 am... so uh don't mind it being practically all over the place » song recommendations: Intro: Singularity by BTS » Ao3 link Happy reading ദി(。•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊

Only the sound of the crickets outside the window, as well as the quietness of the night, could be heard from Commander Hange Zoë’s office as they immersed themselves in some rather last-minute paperwork. The oil lamp’s flickering flame reflected off their glasses as they wrote, signed and stamped. 

The soft silence was suddenly broken by the sound of knocks at the Commander’s door, drawing their attention away from the messy paperwork splattered across the desk, to the unexpected raps. It was rather late, why would anyone come knocking, Hange thought as they got up from the chair.

“(Y/N), what are you doing here at this hour?” Exclaimed the Commander as they opened the door to reveal the sudden visitor.

“Oh- so sorry for the late disturbance,” You said with a panicked tone as you glanced nervously at the papers in your hand, guiding them towards the Commander’s direction. “Captain Levi had instructed me to give these to you.”

As Hange sensed your tense posture, they swiftly grabbed the papers from your hands, examining them with an apparent curiosity about their contents.

“No need to worry! So Levi’s got you to do his dirty work this time?” Hange asked jokingly as they leaned against the door frame.

“I was just passing by, I’m guessing I was one of the few still awake at this time. I don’t mind tho.” You replied with a shrug of your shoulders.

Hange removed their weight from the doorframe as they returned to their desk “Now that you’re here, I might as well enjoy the company.” They pulled a chair and patted it. “Come, sit down.” 

With hesitation, you slowly approached the seat and settled yourself beside Hange. The sound of a chair scraping at the floor broke the awkward silence as the Commander scooted themselves closer.

“So, besides being Levi’s mail person, what else do you do?”

You didn’t answer immediately as you gathered your thoughts, holding your tongue before answering.

“I volunteer in the medical bay quite often, if not I'm just your regular old scout.”

Hange took the time to examine you as you spoke, taking in every detail - from your hair to how the soft orange light cast by the oil lamp’s flame reflected in your eyes. You simply looked… captivating. 

“A medic, huh?” Hange finally spoke once they acknowledged they had been silent for too long. “That means you know a thing or two about anatomy, right?”

“I do, I’ve seen and learned lots of things.” You responded quickly as the Commander’s question took you aback.

Hanges eyes surveyed your face, looking for any hint of hesitation, but it wasn’t intimidating, it was… more curious than anything. Moist began covering the palms of your hands as they took their time to answer once more. Quickly, you wiped them on your pants.

“Do you think you could take a look at my neck real quick?”

“Of course! What seems to be the problem Commander?” 

Slowly, Hange’s blouse revealed their shoulders as well as the upper part of their chest while they undid the first few buttons. You felt a soft plush crawl at your cheeks at the sight of Hange’s exposed skin but as the Commander turned around, you observed a swollen part of their skin located on the upper back.

“This spot has been killing me. I don’t know what the hell happened but can you take a look?” Hange said with their back turned, awaiting your medical remarks.

“Well, I think you have a knot in your neck… I’d need to take a closer look to be sure.” You explained softly.

“Do what you must, doctor.” Hange joked.

You gave them a soft hum before reaching out. The contact between your cold hands and the warmth of their body sent jolts up your spine as you touched Hange’s skin, softly touching the tense muscle.

Hanges nerves followed the touch of your fingertips on their back, they leaned into your touch a little, their breath catching in their throat when you started touching them in a not-so-delicate way, contrasting your previous soft touch.

“Have you been stressed recently?”

“Yeah, I’ve been a lot more stressed than usual lately. It’s been a rough few months, with the new position.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it…” You said as you continued to examine their skin with your fingers. “You simply have a muscle knot, you could always let it go away on its own, or I could loosen it a bit to help. But for it to get better in general, you need good nutrition and rest.”

Hange listened intently as you explained, their mind fixated on the way your touch felt on their skin. They nodded in agreement as you suggested to help loosen it slightly, but hearing your last suggestion caused a small chuckle to escape their lips.

“Rest? That’s a good one, I don't think I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks. I don’t have time for-”

“Commander!” Gripping their shoulders, you turned Hange around to face you. “It’s important for you to get rest. As a matter of fact, as your acting doctor, I want you to go to bed now! The paperwork can wait.” You persisted.

Taken aback by your insistence, Hange simply stared into your eyes. They weren’t used to someone, especially a lower-ranked scout, telling them what to do. The corners of their lips quivered as they fought back the smile threatening to spread across their face.

“You think you can tell me what to do? I have lots of important work to get done tonight.” Hange said with a teasing tone as they folded their arms across their chest. You knew damn well you had absolutely no right to order the Commander around, but you were genuinely concerned for their health.

“Commander, please. It really is important to take care of yourself. No matter how much “important” work you may have.”

The only reaction Hange gave you was a soft chuckle at your persistence. They weren’t used to someone being so headstrong with them, but they secretly found themselves amused by your determination.

“Alright, alright. I’ll rest. I guess you only have my best interest in mind, right?” Hange responded as she shook her head in defeat. 

“You bet, Commander!” You said with a bright smile plastered on your face that Hange couldn’t help but return. There was something about your presence that put them at ease, even though your determined attitude, they were enjoying this little back-and-forth banter.

“You’re feisty, you know that?” Hange exclaimed as they slipped their blouse back onto their shoulders, not bothering to rebutton the top buttons. “I like it” 

A soft blush began covering your cheeks as you ignored their last comment.

“No time for joking around, you need a good night's rest for once.” You said demandingly as Hange held up their hands in surrender with a faint laugh.

“Yes I’m going, I’m going.” They said in a low voice, getting up from their chair with a groan.

“One more thing though…” Hange continued, stopping you in your walk towards the door.

“What is it, Commander?”

Hange remained silent before they stepped closer to you, observing you once more with a curious gaze.

“Is it a part of a doctor’s job to also ensure the patient they’re checking on… enjoys the experience?” Their voice dropped to a lower, more intense tone as they asked you. Their gaze fixed so intensely into you.

Your words came out with a stutter as Hange loomed over you, their imposing presence slightly intimidating you. “O-our patients' experience is the most important part of the job.”

The Commander smirked at your stammered response. They could tell they were making you seemingly nervous, but your reaction only fueled their enjoyment and encouraged them to push further.

“Is that so” Hange taunted under their breath as they closed the small gap between you two, their strides bringing them overwhelming close, forcing your body to make contact with their office door. They raised a hand and delicately caressed your cheek while slowly tracing the outline of your face tenderly, their touch sending pleasurable shocks through your body. Faced with the Commander's unexpected boldness, you only stood frozen in shock, unable to react any other way. A soft snicker escaped Hange’s lips as they watched your flustered face and nervous stature. With their soft fingertips still tracing your face, they pushed away a loose strand of your hair behind your ear.

“You’re awfully red… aren’t you, my darling?” They murmured into your ear. Shivers were sent down your spine as their soft breath tickled your ear. The comforting warmth of Hange’s touch disappeared from your face, their hand slowly continuing its path along your body before it came to a stop at your waist, trapping it in an intimate embrace. To your surprise, your body reacted strangely to the Commander's intimate touch, the warmth of their hand against your skin sent sparks of anticipation down your spine, brewing a heat deep within you that you couldn't explain nor ignore. A smile slowly crept to Hange's lips as they felt your body tensing up to their tender touch. The Commander continued to revel in the effect they had on you, the hand resting at your waist travelled higher, their fingers dancing across your bare skin, tracing patterns that sent tremors of pleasure through your body. You couldn’t help but look down as your cheeks flushed in embarrassment and trepidation at their touch. The anticipation in you grew stronger and stronger.

“You’re terribly quiet, darling… speak up.” Their hot breath tingled against the crook of your neck as Hange whispered, the hand that was once simply resting by their side now forcing your chin upwards.

“Commander…” You muttered as their touch sent sparks of anticipation down to your core. Hange’s grin widened at the sound of your frailed whisper, fueling the desire boiling inside of them.

 “Call me Hange, dear.” Their lips ghosted against the line of your jaw, drawing you closer. The soft, velvety touch of their lips sent subtle shivers of pleasure rippling down your body, the tender caress was an inevitable invitation to your anticipation. 

“Coma- Hange” You whispered. With a hum of satisfaction escaping Hange’s throat, the sound of their name coming from your lips fueled their enjoyment.

“Ah, that's better. I like the way it sounds when you say it like that.” They continued to pepper your jaw with soft, tender kisses, their lingering breath hot and warm against your skin. Hange’s hand, which had journeyed to your stomach, slowly trailed downwards, the tips of their fingers tracing a torturous path along the hem of your pants, creating a delicious tension that left you yearning for more. Leaning even closer, now bodies fully pressed onto each other, Hange’s face left your jaw and brought their lips to your ear.

“You’re struggling to keep it together, aren’t you?”

The Commander couldn’t help but grin a little wider at the soft serenade of you moaning their name. It was such a sweet sound, yet it sent such terrible images through Hange’s mind. Pulling their head back slightly, just enough to view how much of a wreck they had created.

And there you were, Hange’s eyes darkened, taking in your flustered state. With a small smirk appearing on their lips, they permitted their hand to venture further down your body, delving under the waistband of your pants to trace the edge of your underwear teasingly. Such close contact near your core sent jolts of excitement through you. You felt yourself becoming wetter as Hange’s explorations became bolder. Your eyes were drawn to Hange’s lips as if magnetized, you felt the longing hunger grow inside you as you remained powerless. The Commander's gaze bore onto you more intently, noticing the way your body trembled as their hand discovered newer parts of your soft, lush skin. They couldn’t help but flicker their gaze down to your lips for a brief moment before returning to your eyes, boring the same eagerness as their own. 

“Hange.. Please” You muttered quietly, you couldn’t wait any longer, the delirious tension had taken your mind by force. 

“Please what, darling?”

“Touch me, please…”

It was as if a string had broken, releasing a rush of need inside of them. 

Hange didn’t hesitate for a moment before allowing their hand to venture downwards towards your core, their fingertips finding your sensitive clit through the thin barrier of your underwear.

In response, you simply let out a soft moan of their name. Relieving, that’s how it felt. Darkness overtook your vision as you closed your eyes, letting the sensation of Hange’s fingertips caressing your sensitive core overtake you. 

“Keep your eyes on me.” With a forceful hand, the Commander took your chin and tilted it upwards. You obeyed their command, letting your eyes bore into theirs, but, you needed more, you needed them.

“Good girl” They whispered, their voice soft and intimate as they leaned forward, gently resting their forehead on yours. The closeness intensified the moment, their words filling the air between you like a shared secret only for the two of you. Your core became needy. You couldn’t stop yourself from lifting one of your legs, wrapping it around the Commander’s hips, bringing them even closer than before. 

“More… Please, more.” You muttered under your breath, begging Hange to feed your core’s hungriness. Oh, how your sweet begging and your desperate moans drove them wild; the Commander was more than happy to comply with your request. Their movement was painfully slow as they pushed the delicate fabric of your underwear to the side, finally letting their fingers come into contact with your bare skin. Hange teased you ever so slightly as they dragged their fingers down your slit, covering them in your slick. 

And before you knew it, a finger entered your needy core.

“Is this what you wanted, my dear?” The Commander’s breath tickled your ear as they whispered, their finger thrusting into you. You could only gasp at the sensation, bringing your hands up from their idle position to venture into Hange’s messy hair, tugging and combing through it. It was Hange’s turn to let out a soft moan at the sensation, your touch sending sparks down their spine.

“The way you’re sucking me in, it’s driving me crazy.” They whispered, their voice raspy with desire. An empowering rush of confidence overtook you as you allowed your hand to trail down Hange’s body, slowly moving until coming to a halt at the bulge of their pants. The bold move sent a thrill through you, the touch of your hand against their evident arousal filled you with a sense of excitement. The Commander let out a gasp as they felt your hand press against their core, the unexpected feeling ignited a sudden wave of heat and desire that coursed through their body. The intimate touch sent a shockwave of sensations around their body, their body responding instinctively to your caress by leaning into your touch, they felt every ounce of restraint slipping away. 

Hange moaned your name as their eyes darkened, not being able to hold back, they entrapped your lips into a searing, messy kiss while adding a digit inside of you. It was sloppy, yet you were trying to memorize the feeling of Hange’s lips on yours. The warmth of the hand that was once softly caressing the skin of your jaw now left it unattended, while suddenly entrapping both of your hands together. Without warning, the feeling of Hange’s fingers inside of you disappeared. You whined in protest.

“Shush darling, let’s get to the good part, shall we?” 

The sound of your ruffling blouse could be heard as the Commander unbuttoned it impatiently, all while leaving scattered kisses across your neck. Finally free from the confinement, your arms wrapped around Hange’s neck as they ventured lower, continuing with lingering kisses down your body. Hange hummed ever so slightly into every kiss. With a swift move, they hoisted your legs onto their shoulders and brought you off the ground. Their hands under your thighs, they held you securely against them while guiding you towards the bed. Your back made contact with the plush blanket as Hange gently put you down, their lips trailing up to yours to meet in a tongued kiss. The Commander’s lips were now seared into your memory, their tongue dancing with yours. You let yourself sink into the mattress as Hange unbuttoned your pants, leaving your covered core in the air. You bucked your hips as they pushed their knee to your sensitive area, grinding yourself onto it to get the least bit of pleasure. Admiring the view, Hange swiftly undid the last buttons of their blouse before tossing it with the rest of the discarded clothes on the floor. The warmth of their hands returned to your body as they ever-so-slightly lifted your back off of the bed to unclasp your bra, revealing your breasts. Your hands covered your sensitive buds as the cold air hit them before being pried away. 

“Don’t be shy, love, we’re already past the point of no return,” The Commander whispered greedily. Before you knew it, Hange’s mouth was latched onto one of your breasts, sucking and twisting your bud with their tongue as their hands worked around your panties, slipping them off of you while you were too exhilarated from the new sensation. 

Your eyes trailed Hange’s now naked body when they finally removed their garments, revealing their pretty bust and their needy cock that leaked precum. Joining you on the bed, Hange gently lifted your leg, their lips began a soft trail of pecks up your body until you were face to face. Honey-brown eyes bore into yours, searching for hesitation.

“Are you sure, my love?”

“This isn’t very professional,” You said in a teasing tone before instantly regretting your choice of words.

“To hell with professionalism.” They muttered in a ragged voice before entering you without warning. Your pussy sucked in Hange’s cock as if it was built just for them. Soft moans of your name left their lips at the sensation. Each one of their thrust made their cock explore a new cove of your core, making your hips buck every time. Your hands cramped up as you gripped the sheets before you tangled them into Hange’s dishevelled hair. You hadn’t expected the Commander to fuck as if possessed, their thrusts were rough yet relieving to your neediness. Sweet nothings kept spewing out of their mouth as you moaned; you could barely hear yourself over the sound of your skin slapping.

“So good, so good,” Hange muttered frantically as they buried their face in the crook of your neck, the feeling of their breath tickling your skin added to the many sensations you were feeling. It was almost overwhelming. Hands now holding onto their back, you clung onto them, nails digging ever so slightly into their skin. The Commander's soft grunts kept resonating in your ears.

Your walls began clenching around Hange’s cock, your breath becoming more and more ragged. Each trust sent waves of pleasure through you, you couldn’t get enough. 

“Fuck, I needed you so badly.” They mumbled as their elbows came to rest beside your head. “You look so pretty, getting fucked like this, my dear” 

You let out a lewd moan as Hange’s thrusts became rougher, you could tell by how their cock quivered inside of you that they were close. With a limp move of the hand, the Commander brought your legs to their waist. You held them tight with your wrapped legs, letting their cock access you deeper. Each thrust, groan, and squeeze threatened to push you over the deep end. Hange overtook you, you let it happen.

“Inside me, please… Hange,” You said in multiple breaths as your walls began quivering around their member. They gasped loudly at the sensation while letting out a cuss.

Stumbling over your breaths, you became undone on the Commander’s cock. Legs quivering and nails digging into their skin, you moaned Hange’s name over and over again as they fucked you through your high before they plunged deep inside of you for their last thrust, filling you up with their cum. 

Slowly, Hange slipped out of you, a gasp escaping your lips.

A smirk appeared as their eyes examined your now fucked-out body, as well as the soft white that escaped your hole, spilling onto the sheets. Hange was admiring their work of art.

With a lingering kiss on your temple, the Commander let their body fall beside you with a squeak of the bed. “Let’s get some sleep now, my dear,” 

“You’re such an idiot,” You chuckled before snuggling into their arm tiredly. 

[superhaught]

Incurable Cravings (Chapter Four)

Pairing: Regina George x Reader

Warnings: none really, just angsty

Word Count: 2200, Part 4/?

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Continuation of Incurable Cravings series!

Little author's note: I made a small edit to Chapter 2 to fix a plot hole that I created for myself. Regina and Leighton have been living in separate homes for five years as opposed to the original ten.

Regina and reader begin to navigate their first day at school in light of their newfound relationship. Reader learns more about the history between Janis, Regina and Leighton.

Regina’s family was complex. 

You knew that Ms. George used to be married to Regina’s father. Together, they had twin daughters, Regina and Leighton. You were all around 13 years old when they divorced. The resulting custody arrangement was unusual. Ms. George kept Regina and the house, while Leighton went with their dad and moved to the east coast. You vaguely knew that the father, Henry, got remarried to his college sweetheart, who had an older son from her previous marriage. Ms. George kept her maiden name and changed Regina’s last name to match, and has since also remarried and had Regina’s half-sister, Kylie. Regina’s stepdad, from what you knew, was a high-ranking military official. He didn’t see combat, but he was almost never home. All of them seemed to prefer it that way. 

Regina and her stepdad famously did not get along well, so his frequent absence was appreciated by her. And Ms. George enjoyed being able to maintain her independence. She often referred to herself as a single mom, even though she, objectively, was married.

You hadn’t seen Leighton since she moved away, and based on what Regina had said, she had rarely seen her twin either. You were positive that the distance must be hard on them both. Regina and Leighton had always been each other's' best friend when you were younger. They were practically joined at the hip. You remember that when Leighton moved away, Regina didn’t come to school for almost two weeks and she wouldn’t see anyone.

The divorce, and your small friend group falling apart, all happened within the span of a year. And now, as Regina slept peacefully in your arms, you wondered just how much pain she had been carrying.

It broke your heart. 

In spite of your racing thoughts, you eventually gave in to sleep yourself and were able to get a few hours shuteye before Regina’s alarm was going off and waking you for school. Regina groaned and snoozed the alarm once before turning over and curling up against your chest.

You giggled at how cute she was being and took to kissing her head and playing with her hair for those ten extra minutes. You felt her press a few soft kisses onto your neck and then the alarm went off again.

You reached over her and turned the alarm off and then rubbed your palm over her upper arm. 

The blonde smiled and whispered, “good morning…”

“Good morning, sweetheart. How are you feeling this morning?”

Regina yawned and stretched her arms out a little before responding, “better than I’ve felt in a while.”

“Good.”

She met your eyes, “am I remembering last night correctly?”

“What do you remember?”

She hesitated for a moment, examining your expression, maybe considering dropping it, “I remember you saying that you love me…”

You nodded your head, “I did, Gina,” you tucked some hair behind her ear, “I said ‘I love you.’”

She nodded back and bit down on her bottom lip. You could see the anxiety mounting in her through her tensing muscles and rapid eye movements.

“I…” she began.

“Shhh…” you leaned in and captured her lips in a kiss. 

She melted at the contact and let her hand travel over your shoulder and up the back of your neck to hold you close. Regina held you in that kiss for a long while and then just silently nodded again as she pulled away.

“Thank you…” she whispered. 

And thus, only a fraction of your conversation actually  took place out loud. You never really imagined having a bond like that with someone, not after the years you had lost of growing with Regina and Janis as your closest friends. But right here, in this moment, Regina knew without a shadow of a doubt that you had meant what you said. And you knew that she felt the same way about you in return. 

You both took a minute more to play with each other’s fingers as you held hands in the bed. 

The blonde kissed your hand and whispered, “I wish we had time to enjoy more of each other instead of going to school…” 

“I do too, trust me.” 

“I just want this gorgeous body of yours all to myself, all the time…” 

You smirked, “you are such a temptress… but don’t worry, Gina. I’m all yours.” You kissed her cheek and then her lips again, obliging her when she grazed your lip with her tongue to deepen the kiss. You shared a few more kisses like this before Regina finally forced herself to sit up. 

She looked sore and stiff in her movements. You reached out to gently touch her back after she sat up and you asked, “do you want help getting up?” 

“No, no… I’ll be okay. Thank you baby.” 

You got ready for the day together. Regina happily let you borrow some of her clothes that she reserved for wearing only around the house. No one would likely be able to tell that they were hers, not that it mattered to you. 

Ms. George had fixed you both a quick breakfast and offered you free reign of the pantry to make yourself a lunch. 

Regina, with a little bit of encouragement from you, managed to eat a cup of yogurt with granola. 

“I’m gonna go start the car, you coming?” Regina asked you when she finished eating. 

“Yeah, go ahead, I’ll be right out.” 

Regina nodded and left through the front door of her house. You heard the engine of her Jeep start and you turned to Ms. George, who was scrolling Facebook on her phone while eating her own bowl of yogurt. 

“Ms. George?” 

She looked up at you, “what’s up, sugar?” 

“Do you have Leighton’s phone number?” 

Regina held your hand the whole car ride to school and walked inside with you, only dropping your hand once you were in the presence of others. 

Regina saw Gretchen and Karen waiting for her at her locker so she turned to you and gave you a sweet goodbye with a quick, stolen kiss to your cheek before she split off from you and resumed her normal. 

You realized that the two of you hadn’t discussed this part. You didn’t know how long it would be this secret between the two of you, but you hoped not long. 

But you were greeted with your own smack in the face from reality when you walked up to your locker. Janis stood there, waiting for you. 

You took a deep breath, “hey.” 

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, “hey. I want to try this again.” 

She stepped out of your way as you opened up your locker and she continued when you didn’t really say anything in response, “yesterday, I know I approached you about Regina in the wrong way, and I’m sorry.” 

You grabbed one of your textbooks, “thank you. I forgive you.” 

“But… I’d really like to talk to you about this. I saw you leave that storage closet with her. And I saw you go home with her after school yesterday. And, oh my god, you’re wearing her sweatshirt.” 

Shit. Of course Janis would recognize it.

“And? What exactly do you want to know?” 

“I… well, like what are you guys doing together? Are you hanging out again?” 

“I guess we are… yeah. We’re hanging out.” 

“Why?! Why would you do that?” 

“Janis…” your voice betrayed your sadness and frustration. 

“No seriously, come on! You’re one of the only people who knows the truth about what Regina has put me through! I thought you would be on my side!” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose and inhaled, “Janis, it’s more complicated than sides… and, and I don’t know that I do know the truth!” 

“What do you mean? You were at that party! You were there!” 

“I mean, why does Regina think that something happened between you and Leighton?” 

Janis’ jaw dropped, “what?” 

“What happened between you and Leighton?” 

“What did Regina say?” 

“She didn’t say anything specific, only that you hurt Leighton somehow.” 

“I…” Janis clenched her hands into fists, “that has nothing to do with me and Regina! I don’t even… you knew how I felt about Regina… you don’t really think I deserved what she did, do you?” 

“Janis, no. I don’t think you deserved it. I don’t think any of us deserved anything that happened, Regina included. I think we were kids with a lot of complicated feelings.”

Janis stared at you incredulously. 

“Didn’t you guys make up at the dance last year?” 

“No. We didn’t. She was high on pain medication. She didn’t forgive me and I didn’t forgive her.” 

You sighed, “Look, right now, I know that Regina wants me around and I’m okay with putting things behind me so that I can be there for her. But you don’t have to do that. Just don’t get mad at me for trying.”

She stared at you again. 

You closed your locker door, “you weren’t the only one of us who was in love with her, Janis. You weren’t the only one who lost her, okay?” 

You walked away from Janis for the second time, once again, unsure whether you were making the right choices in navigating this whole thing. You couldn’t exactly tell Janis the whole truth about your relationship, not without consulting Regina about it first. But you knew it wasn’t fair to leave Janis completely in the dark either. 

You sat through your math class unable to pay attention to a single word out of Mrs. Norbury’s mouth because you were so caught up in how complicated this all was. 

On your way out, Mrs. Norbury called you up to her desk and you obliged. 

“Hey, you doing okay?” 

You nodded, “yeah, I’m just having a weird week. I’m sorry for spacing out.” 

She gave you a half smile, “look, I know your grades are going to be fine, that’s not what I’m worried about. I just want to make sure you’re alright.” 

“It’s just friend stuff.” 

“Alright, well, just remember that graduation is right around the corner. You need to make sure that you’re thinking about what you want.” She smiled at you as if what she said wasn’t annoyingly vague. 

“Have you told anyone else about your acceptance letter yet?” She continued. 

“No… still only you and my parents know. I’m not ready to tell anyone else yet.” 

“It’s been a few months now, you’ll have to start telling people eventually.” 

“I know… I just…” 

Mrs. Norbury waited patiently for you to finish. 

“It hasn’t really sunk in for me yet.” 

She raised an eyebrow. You knew she was suspicious of your answer but she let it go, “okay. Well, if you need anything, just let me know.” 

You nodded and left her classroom. Your heart was pounding. 

Until yesterday, there was no one that you were overly concerned to talk to about your college acceptance. But now… you’d have to find a way to tell Regina that in just a few short months, you’d be moving to Boston for college. 

You hustled to your next class and pulled your phone out as you sat down in your seat. You quickly started a new message to the number that Ms. George gave you. 

When you left that class, you checked your phone first thing and you had a text back. 

“Is Regina okay?”

You typed your response as you walked, “Regina is okay, but there’s a lot going on right now and I could use your help. I’m sorry to text you out of the blue like this. Your mom gave me your number.”

“So, you and Regina are friends again?”

“Yes.”

“Janis, too?”

“That’s one of the things I wanted to talk to you about… what happened? If you don't mind me asking…”

It took a minute for Leighton to respond. You watched the little bubble that indicated she was typing until her message back finally came through. 

Leighton wrote, “honestly? Looking back, it’s stupid and I’m p sure Regina overreacted.”

Leighton tells you that when you were all kids, Janis confided in her that she had a crush on Regina. Janis begged Leighton not to tell Regina, and Leighton agreed, not seeing any reason to hurt Janis and ruin the friendship between the girls. But sometime later, Regina came to know the truth and talked to Janis and turned her down kindly. Janis was still mortified, but beyond that, she was pissed. Janis assumed that Leighton told Regina and wanted to get back at her for it. Janis knew that Leighton had a big class presentation coming up and she came to school wearing a beautifully pressed, matching white suit jacket and skirt. Janis loaded up her lunch tray with everything that the cafeteria had to offer that would stain and then “bumped” right into Leighton, dumping her entire tray onto Leighton. 

It was petty. It was stupid. It was misinformed. But it made Leighton cry in the bathroom, and that was something Regina couldn’t abide. Regina planned her revenge, and that’s how the spin-the-bottle party happened. Janis embarrassed Leighton, so Regina embarrassed Janis with the best ammo she had in her arsenal.

Next Chapter

[seraphinitegames]

The Wayhaven Chronicles—Update 12/April/2024

So close to finally being done with the character creator, editing, and clean up code (though I think that will be something I continue to do as I’m writing and find variables I can condense or sort out)!

This part has taken soooo much longer than I planned or wanted, but I have to remind myself it’s worth the work—especially when it means I can just transfer what I’ve spent so long sorting for this book to the next one and just add on the variables for the last book. It does make me realise just how many threads and branches Wayhaven now has!…But also makes me all the more excited to get to write them when I see where they are going! :D

But I’m getting some serious writing withdrawals…to the point that I may have done a little bit towards the next chapter this week, lol!

At least once this is completely done, the writing should progress much quicker, and I can really settle myself into the actual story writing. Something I am even more eager for after going over Chapter One’s writing for editing! I absolutely love what I have! The love interest openings gave me such romantic (and sometimes steamy!) vibes. It sets the perfect tone for how the book really will have that seriously romance focus, particularly with the villain pushing the love interests forward on that, hehe! ;D

But I’m excited to get into the storyline for this book too! Something very different for what I’ve done with Wayhaven so far, and even a mechanic I have only for this book! I’ll be excited to find out how your MC’s react to it!

I will be pushing on to get the final tasks done on this demo chapter and get it over to the editor this weekend. It IS happening this weekend, even if I have to stay up all day and nights, lol! Which means next week it’s back to writing! Yay! I am SO ready for that, as well as being much quicker at it, lol! :D

Hope you all have the most fantastic weekend! I’ll be working the weekend, but will be offline as usual, so I’ll update you all again next week! <3

[moonacrefarm]

anticipating love

summary: sometimes the only way up is backwards.

contains: childhood friends to lovers to strangers, second-chance romance, angst, hurt/comfort, slight miscommunication, fluff, 18+ series, mentions of stalking, mentions of cancer, no mention of y/n

authors note: i think i rewrote this like four times. editing this one was so difficult bc i was never satisfied, i'm not used to writing dialogue and all of it felt unnatural </3. for this chapter, i was listening to home by danny knutelsky... i'm not sure if you can tell that was the vibe i was writing with... enjoy!

series masterlist

previous part | next part.

05. a secret place to hide

"You can live your life, you know?" Your mother's hand caressed your hair as you laid in her lap. Since the last time Bradley visited you’d avoided him, holing up in your room or Hard Deck during it’s off-hours. You found yourself taking advantage of the sights San Diego had to offer if it meant avoiding him. Your run-in with Bradley had seemingly shaken you up more than you thought. 

You pushed yourself up, leaning on her shoulder as you watched a movie. 

"I am living my life, though?" You riposte. 

She gave you a look and sighed, surrendering to you, “Look, Penny called. She needs help working tonight. Would you please give her a hand?” 

You narrowed your eyes at your mother. You knew her like the back of your hand and you could sniff a scheme out. “Did you hear the conversation I had with Bradley the other night?” 

She held her breath for a second in deep thought. 

Before she sighed, “Yeah I did.” 

You groaned, throwing your head back on the couch. You’d been found out. 

“Only a little bit! I didn’t hear a lot, just you scolding him.” 

“Does Penny actually need help at the bar or is this just another scheme?” You raised a brow at her. 

“She actually did call for help. Her server called out sick last minute and tonight a ship is docking.” 

You stared. “Why does this feel familiar?”

“You know we can’t schedule when the fleet comes in.”

“There’s a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence.” 

Your mother and Penny had always been team Bradley Bradshaw; they even placed bets on when you'd be married. The worst part? They weren't wrong. You'd done everything but date, including sharing every first with each other. 

“Neither of us can guarantee Bradley won’t be there tonight. So you might have to break the cold war you have going on.” 

“Might?” 

“You weren’t hiding it, you were avoiding him. I’ve never seen you drive yourself around this much.” She laughed at you, slightly coughing at the end. 

She turned to face you, "You should talk to him..." She said softly, leaning her tired body on the couch as you faced each other. 

"I don't want to. Not with…" You looked away from her, "Not with everything going on." She sighed before smacking you on the arm. You yelped as you tried to soothe the pain away. Glaring at her as she smiled. 

"Do I look like I'm dead yet? You might as well lay me in the coffin with your attitude. I can still smack some sense into you." She guffawed, you joining her laughing fit soon after. 

“I’m not saying to talk to him tonight. With the boat docking his detachment might not even be there, but your aunt has managed to run a very successful bar. You’re in his territory, there’s always a risk.”

“Oh risk my ass, North Island isn’t that small Mom.” You huffed, you both laughing. 

You thought about it for a second. It seemed like a very loose scheme, one where they’re placing bets on Bradley being there tonight. Your mother wouldn’t throw you into anything that made you genuinely uncomfortable, but she is more than willing to give you a push. 

“Just one ship docking?”

“God I hope. Anyone who isn’t married is gonna be bar hopping once they get their land legs back.” 

“I’ll go help her. I’ll call her on my way down there.” 

She nodded looking at the TV and sinking in the couch. The chemo had taken its toll this time, her breathing a little faster, her body a little smaller, but she was fighting. “Are you sure you won't need me tonight?” 

She looked back up at you, “Your father will be home in a couple of hours, by the time you leave I’ll be in the kitchen scolding him into how to make proper lasagna.” You smiled at her. “He must be so excited.”

“He doesn’t even know yet.” 

The sun hung slightly above you, finally coming down into the view but not quite evening yet. Penny had stopped by to pick you up suggesting that you could spend the night at her place anyway. 

You took a deep breath and sat in the passenger seat before you could talk yourself out of this. 

“I’ll man the bars, you dish out the drinks?” Penny’s voice pulled your attention, her hands around the steering wheel. 

“I’m much better at customer service anyway.” You told her with a grin. She reached over and pinched you lightly on your side. 

“I do appreciate the help. I don’t know what it is but this must be the third time I’ve asked you to help on boat night,” 

“Fourth Pen.” You interjected, she continued anyway. 

“Details details…,” She waved her hand at you, “You're the best waitress I’ve had.”  You chuckled to yourself and leaned your head on the window. 

She was quiet for a few moments before asking you, “So, your mom and Simpson worked things out again?” 

She was prodding lightly. She was always weary of navy men and had never fully trusted your father. 

Your parents had never fallen out of love, but when they separated your father was busy climbing ranks. The constant time apart and they didn’t know how to live with each other anymore. Besides the issue of neglecting his family, your father wasn’t very affectionate and no matter how hard your mother fought, he was stubborn and a straight shot. He was blinded until he got what he set out for. 

What made him a great pilot made him a horrible husband and father. 

You shrugged at Penny, “I’m not sure. I think mom’s cancer plays a part in how normal they’re being. I can’t say though. You probably know more than me.” 

“Hmmm. But you live with them, you see more.” 

“I do, but…you know Dad’s never been the one to have a range of emotions.” 

Penny let out an airy laugh. “You’re right about that hon. That man is a piece of concrete if I’ve ever seen one. A true military man.” 

She sighed, pulling in front of the bar. You both crawled out, the Hard Deck loomed over you two. The building seemed twice its size and you’d need the room for tonight. 

“Alright, one boat docked, and maybe the usual crowd. Did your mom warn you about tonight?”

You nodded. “She warned me about the boat and about Bradley.” 

Penny smiled brightly. “Perfect. I can prepare you for mermen, but I can’t prepare you for a Bradshaw.” 

You shooed her away as the first bar patrons came in. Settling in a booth and flagging you over. 

You looked at Penny, and she looked at you. Both nodded at each other as the sun sunk lower into the skyline. 

One thing about the Hard Deck, it was only open after 5:30 pm. Not a minute sooner and not a minute later. The first thirty or so minutes were quiet. 

Until a group of shored fish popped in. Once you saw the first group you knew more were sure to follow. The sun had set and you had been running around the bar all night. As the shift went on, you realized you hadn’t seen Bradley’s detachment. 

There was a solid chance they wouldn’t be here tonight with how crowded it was and their training. 

“Penny, two whiskey sours and a craft beer please.” 

“Coming right up darling.” 

You leaned on the bar a bit, standing between two empty stools and letting your body sag. You hadn’t played waitress like this since your last restaurant job. You caught your breath for a second before Penny plopped three drinks in front of you. 

“Do you need your break?” 

You shook your head no. The buzz from keeping busy kept your mind so preoccupied you didn’t have time to think about anything else. 

“I’ll let you know when Penn.”

She nodded at you and served a couple more beers to the guys waiting. 

Dancing through the crowd kept you on your toes. Time had passed that threshold where most people weren’t worried about decorum or balance. No matter how alert you were, someone always caught you off guard. 

A bar-goer stepped back into your space, catching your shoe and you braced yourself as you tried to regain your balance. A couple more stumbles pulled your weight to the side, your gravity off balance and the tray going with the momentum. 

Until two arms engulfed your frame. 

Gently, they pulled you upright, one hand jutting out to grab the tray out of your hands. As you righted yourself, you noted said hand lingering lightly on your waist, “You alright?” Bradley leaned down to ask you. 

Him and his darn height.

“I’m good Bradshaw.” You fixed your shirt and readjusted your apron. One deep breath in and you went to grab the tray of drinks. They had only slightly spilled. Hopefully, they’d be too drunk to notice. You’d give them a 10% off when you closed their tabs out. 

“You sure?” He asked, turning the tray away from you. 

You huffed at him. “Yes, I am sure. I promise.” 

His eyebrows rose and gently he set the tray back into your hands. “Careful bugs.” You nodded once more before carrying on for the night. 

You could feel his eyes on you the rest of your shift, didn’t matter where you went in the bar or where you went into the crowd. Bradley’s eyes found you with ease. 

“You talk to Bradshaw tonight?” Penny asked, eyes gleaming with curiosity.

“Somehow, this all feels a little familiar…” You gave her a small side-eye. 

“Aye, I’m not letting you off the hook this time. I’m paying you to work the whole shift.” 

“Okay okay… I’m not gonna run away just because he looked at me.” 

“I know you won’t, you would’ve ran as soon as he walked in here.” The side of her mouth twitched. “You also don’t have your car.” 

Reminded of your shameful past, you took your restocked tray and carried on for the night. 

Bradley nursed his drink until his group was ready to leave, pulling away from them and promising he’d see them tomorrow. He set his eyes on you. Your chest slightly rising and falling from exhaustion, your bangs framing your face, and a couple of other strands out of place.

You could feel his warmth and he pulled up on your side. 

The bar had quieted significantly, the majority of the group's bar hopping elsewhere or down at the beach. 

He sat on the stool and watched you silently. You didn’t make a move to speak to him, trying to close the register and get the last of the tabs shut out. His watching you didn’t make you uncomfortable. Did you want to face him after the heart-to-heart?

Yes, but also… absolutely not. The feelings that were crawling themselves out of their graves were overwhelming and you didn’t want them pouring out again. 

“You finish up that last tab, I can check out the rest,” Penny said from behind you. 

“Are you sure? I’m already doing it.” 

“I’m sure.” She nodded at Bradley, “I might be a little late closing, think you could give her a ride Bradshaw?” 

The scheming commenced. 

“It’d be my pleasure.” His grin lopsided. 

Him and his darn grin. 

“I’m staying at your place tonight? I even promised Amelia.” 

“I never said you were going home. Just might get there a little earlier than me.” She smiled slyly, testing the waters that were you and Bradshaw. “‘Sides, I wouldn’t come between a promise between you and Amelia. Strong-headed that one, I wouldn't dare.” 

You huffed, “Alright, this register is checked out,” You looked at Penny, “I'll do the final count.” 

Turning to Bradley, silence suspended between you both, Bradley smiling lightly while looking at you. 

"Got a starin' problem?" You jested. 

He smirked at you, "If I do?" Your eyes narrowed as he laughed. 

"Don't mind me taking in the view." He grinned, a slight flush on his ears, "You're dressed real purtty' tonight." He added with a mock southern accent. 

Your face ran hot again. The tips of your ears bloomed red as blood rushed to your face. Bradley looked at you again, reaching for your bags and throwing them on his shoulder. "How have you been?" He inquired, holding the door open for you as you walked. You weren't sure what to answer; how had you been? With everything going on, you hadn't had time to process it all. 

"Alright?" You trailed off. "As good as I can be." You said sardonically. He read your body language, deciding not to prod any further. "And you?" You questioned back. The awkwardness finally settled in. His shoulders tensed. "About the same." He stilled. You watched him fidget with his lip, something he did when he wasn't sure what to do. "About back then..." He started. This time, you didn't stop him. 

“I meant it when I said I’ll come to you. This time, let me do the heavy lifting.” “Bradley, what does that even mean?” 

“It means I’ve seen a future with you for years and always ran away out of fear. We’ve waited for ‘later’ to come for years, I’ve waited for years. When you’re ready, whenever that is, I’ll be here.” He paused for a breath, opening the car door for you and leaning on the frame of the car, “I was the one who left…I think it’s only fair that this time I come to you.” Your breath hitched as you regarded his hazel eyes, firm in resolve. It almost sent you stumbling. 

After a few beats of silence, he ushered you in the car. Climbing into the driver seat and starting the engine, pausing for another moment, “Do you know Penny’s address?” 

Your belly laugh ran out in the cabin of the car. Watching as his ears tinged pink. 

“Wasn’t the best ending to a confession of love was it?” 

“No…” You teetered off, “But it was very you.” 

He frowned, “I don’t think I’m starting off very strong here.”

“Maybe not, but you Bradley Bradshaw are the one I’ve chosen over and over again, you and all your fumbles,” You leaned over the center console of the Bronco, “I’ll tell you what Bradshaw, sweep me off my feet one more time and I’ll be yours forever.” You kissed his cheek tenderly. 

The back of his hand grazed your cheek and you leaned into it. “I know we have a lot to work out, but I don’t want to fight it anymore, you’re here…and that’s more than I ever had of you before.” He flinched. 

“They're gonna have to pull my teeth out if they try and ship me off anywhere where you aren’t.” You laughed again. 

“I’ll let you come to me this time.” You kissed his knuckles. “You were always best for me, Bradshaw.” 

Bradley leaned in and kissed your forehead, lingering there for a few seconds, “This time, I’ll make sure I’m the best I can be for you. I promise Bugs.” 

You two pulled apart for a couple seconds before you registered the sound of the engine, “Do I need to type in the address?” 

Bradley groaned.

[tojisbbg]

𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙩𝙡𝙚 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝

❝touch me, yeah, i want you to touch me there; make me feel like i am breathing, feel like i am human.❞  

♡ gojo satoru ♡

a/n: since daddy’s home, you know i gotta write for him (yes i know i’m super late, cut me some slack).

a/n (cont.): pssttt, what do we think about a tattoo artist!geto smutfic? ;) lmk in the comments!!

likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated! <3

content: gojo satoru x fem!reader, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, brief mentions of suicide, smut, fwb to lovers, best friends to lovers, spoilers, not edited.

you don’t remember how all of this started. 

was it his hands that went on your body first or your lips crashing onto his? the night where all of this began was nothing more than a haze in your memory. yet, the painful memories were stronger than any of the liquor that you both consumed, haunting you to the very end. 

after the death of geto, you and gojo became more paranoid of losing each other. it was already painful enough that shoko has isolated herself to deal with this whole incident on her own, but, gojo couldn’t afford to lose you. 

so, to cope and distract each other from all of this madness, you both sought pleasure. 

whether that was through the gentle cuddles and caresses that you both swore had non-romantical feelings attached to having intense sex; no strings attached, of course.

“did you get the text from the higher-ups too?” you asked as you settled down the plated breakfast in front of gojo. the snowy white haired man nodded his head before taking a bite of the buttery toast. 

“mhm, shibuya.” gojo’s words were slightly muffled as he tried to speak between his chewing. you let out a heavy sigh, playing around with your scrambled eggs. 

“what’s wrong?” he asked, trying to get a good look into your eyes in an attempt to read you. 

“that place brings back bad memories.” you bluntly responded, resuming to eat your breakfast as both you and gojo were already running late for the meeting. to be fair, it wasn’t your fault. 

well, sort of. 

you didn’t expect gojo to fuck you until nearly sunrise. 

as fun as it is getting pleasured, it certainly is very tiring and draining. especially when having it with someone like gojo, whose stamina and sex drive is so high. long story short, the both of you were deaf to the blaring alarm that rang at eight; which led you both to finally wake up in each other’s arms at ten. 

“oh.” gojo simply said, realizing what you meant. it was the last place both you and him last saw geto before he abandoned his old life. he could remember it as clear as day, you were only left with the option of getting on your knees to beg geto to come back. 

that was the last conversation that you ever had with geto suguru, and gojo always refused to tell you geto’s last words. 

“i just don’t get it. even after all this time, i can’t piece it together.” you balled your hands to fists, gritting your teeth in frustration. 

“hm, and what is that?” he asked in curiosity. 

“why did suguru leave? it makes no logical sense. i know that whole mission involving riko amanai and toji fushiguro took a toll on him, but, i didn’t notice any major warning signs.” you spoke, making gojo frown as he wasn’t in the mood to talk about his dead best friend this early in the morning. 

“who knows?” gojo simply shrugged his shoulders before getting up with his finished plate to wash it. you followed him inside the kitchen, continuing your little ramble. 

“hey, satoru. you were much closer to geto than i was, surely you guys shared info that he didn’t share with me maybe��‘cause i was a girl or something? i don’t know.” you tried to egg him further, but gojo was slowly getting irritated by your little pestering about something that was in the past. 

“i told you before and i’m gonna tell you this once again, after that whole incident, suguru’s isolation meant that he didn’t speak to me either about anything. he left without a trace.” gojo sternly replied, wiping his hands with a paper towel as he went over to the sofa to sit. you groaned in dismay, not getting the answer you truly wanted from him. 

“then who brainwashed him into believing all that nonsense crap he spewed?” you whined, gripping your hair as you were trying to work your brain hard. 

“can you just drop it already? no one knows.” gojo snickered, but you didn’t budge. 

“do you think he had some past connection with riko or toji?”

“most likely not and if it was something that had to do with toji then i would’ve known since i’m literally raising his son.”

“was it the higher-ups?”

“i don’t know.”

“maybe family problems? love relationships?”

“i don’t know.”

“was it us??”

“i don’t know, y/n! alright? i don’t fucking know, neither do you or anyone else! we’ll never know why suguru left because he’s fucking dead, y/n; and you need to learn how to accept that. so, please for the love of god, can you just drop it?!” gojo yelled, looking at you with a glare as your jaw dropped. he’s never raised his voice at anyone before, especially you. 

you felt your blood boil, your face being replaced with an angry scowl. 

“i think you’re the one who needs to learn how to accept it, you fucking piece of shit.” you spat, making his eyes narrow. 

“what?” he questioned as his tone dropped. you bitterly chuckled before looking at him with sharp eyes. 

“don’t act like you’re oblivious, satoru. you’re always running away from your problems and this is one of them. tell me, when was the last time that we both actually sat down and last talked about suguru, hm? not even related to his death, just about him. tell me, when was the last time?” your voice started to become higher as you yearned for answers to all your questions, wishing that you could express how much confusion you were forced to live in. 

“...”

“answer me since you know everything, gojo satoru!” you bellowed, shaking him back and forth, only to receive nothing but silence. 

“y/n, stop it.” gojo lowly spoke, his eyes not meeting yours. 

“why?! i’ll tell you. it’s because all we ever do is have sex. any time that you feel sad or mad you’re at my door because you want to fuck me! am i wrong?! you have sex with me to ignore all your problems and it’s getting out of control, satoru.” you yelled, your body trembling with anger as you were so fed up with everything. you hated how things were, you just wanted your old best friends back. 

and you hated these burdensome feelings that threw you in loopholes. these feelings being what you felt towards gojo. you knew that neither of you were mentally stable enough to get into a relationship and you weren’t sure if these romantic feelings were mutual. 

so, you played it safe but being casual friends with benefits.

but, this was going to far. now that you look back it, you both were hurting each other more by letting all that grief, anger and sadness bottle inside. 

“oh, so now i’m the problem, right? i killed suguru, i caused your fucking depression, i caused myself to become a sad sex addict, everything’s my fault! anything else you’d like to blame me for, y/n?” he accused himself, eyes piercing into your soul as you gasped. 

“satoru, i never once blamed you for suguru’s death nor did i say you were the problem! i’m just saying that this is unhealthy, i’m just worried.” you tried to calm down and level with him so that you could tame the heated conversation. 

“don’t make me laugh, y/n. i know that deep inside you feel some kind of resentment towards me because i killed suguru. but... you don’t say it ‘cause i’m the only one you have left.” gojo’s voice faltered, his lips thinning as he looked at his feet. 

“the hell are you trying to say? that i’m using you? god, you’re so fucking full of shit, satoru!” you were in disbelief, not believeing what your ears were hearing. 

“then what the fuck do you want, y/n? you’re so fucking confusing and it’s driving me insane. so, please, tell me what you want!” gojo grabbed a hold of your hands, eyes begging you to put an end to it. 

“i need the truth. what was suguru’s last words, satoru?” you asked in a monotone, looking at him with a straight face. gojo’s face fell, your hands slipping away from his as he backed away.

 “i already told you, even if it means that i’ll have to die, i cannot say what he told me.” he dismissed your question, making you bite the inside of your cheek.

“ugh! god, i hate you so much! why won’t you tell me?! i deserve to know because by the time i came it was too late! why didn’t you wait for me? you did this on purpose, you fucking jerk!” you continued to throw your harsh words at him, too blinded by your pain and anger to realize the heavy weight of your words. 

“are you fucking dumb? he was already in so much pain, do you think i’d wait thirty minutes for you to come while he suffers from his injury? i put him to rest and so should you, y/n. suguru is dead, y/n, it’s time to wake up.” gojo said, his voice emotionless as he had nothing else left to say to you. 

“stop treating me like i’m crazy!” tears streamed down your face, your hands going to the nearest item, which was the flower vase before you threw it on the ground; shattering it to pieces. 

gojo’s eyes widened, quickly wrapping his arms around you to prevent you from hurting yourself. 

“y/n, you are acting like a fucking crazy person! i can’t fucking bring him back to life, okay? so stop, please!” gojo struggled to hold you still, although you were a woman and smaller than him, your strength was very high. 

“i hate you, i hate you, i hate you! i fucking hate you, gojo satoru! you took away my best friend, you fucking piece of shit! i wish you died instead!” you sobbed, feeling his body become stiff as his arms loosened around you.

you curled up into a ball on the sofa, feeling gojo’s weight being lifted from the furniture, before you heard the clicking sound of your front door closing. 

if only you knew that would’ve been your last time seeing him, perhaps you would’ve done things differently. 

maybe you would’ve rushed to the door to stop him from leaving. 

but, it was too late and the damage has already been done. you can’t take back those words anymore and you regret it so much.

---

gojo satoru has been sealed for 1189 days. 

it seemed that the world was going through the apocalypse. for the past three years things only went downhill in your life. truth be told, you don’t even recognize the person that you’ve become. 

you’ve been spiraling down a very dark and twisted path. life just wasn’t the same as it used to be when you were just a stupid and silly teen who attended jujutsu high. 

you lost so many people, those who were dear to your heart, people who you grew up with in this cursed world. 

you weren’t the same. 

there were times where everything just hurt so much, to the point where it felt like you were being suffocated with all your past traumas and regrets. you wanted to end it all for good. 

though, even taking your own life wouldn’t have brought you any peace. nonetheless, all your attempts failed as shoko, yuji and megumi kept you under tight patrol. 

after seeing your declining mental state, the higher-ups officially put you up for suspension until further notice. it was stupid, no really it was. you tried to go to the main office and kick their old hag asses or even kill them, but megumi and yuji nearly chained you to the bed. 

so, here you are now, stuck at home without a clue as to what was going on. yuta and yuji kept you posted as to what was happening, sometimes shoko too. the culling game was taking place, geto is back but you realized that his body was used as a puppet for the curse kenjaku, and now megumi was gone because sukuna found him as use for a new vessel. 

it was a lot to take in but as per usual, you chose to run away. the only thing that was helping you keep somewhat sane was sleeping pills, anxiety medications and liquor. 

you were hanging on a thin thread. 

a heavy sigh left your lips as you exited out of your bathroom after taking a warm shower, making your way over to the couch. you plopped down before your eyes fell on the picture frame where it was gojo feeding you cake on your 17th birthday. 

your eyes softened upon seeing the man who you missed so dearly, tears welling in your eyes before a sob escaped your throat. you held the photo close to your chest, wishing that you could turn back time to take back everything that you said. 

love is the twisted curse of all. 

you heard your door bell ring, making you wipe your tears as you sat up. your eyes glanced at the clock which showed that it was nearly midnight, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. 

you never had any unannounced visitors at such an hour and your friends already paid you a visit earlier today. surely, if they had forgotten something then they would’ve called. you got up, putting on your slippers before shuffling your way to the front door. 

you opened the door and froze in your spot. in shock, a gasp left your mouth as your eyes met the familiar cerulean colored eyes. 

“s-satoru?” you stammered out, your voice waivering as your tone was nothing more than a soft whisper. he was wearing an outfit which had a strong resemblance to what toji wore, giving you strong ptsd from that cursed day. your eyes teared up when you noticed how his body was covered in scars, some which were still bleeding, indicating that they are fresh and were made not too long ago. 

suddenly, you saw gojo’s wavering before rolling back, his body going limp as it fell forwards. you quickly rushed closer to him, catching his body in your arms. 

“satoru?! holy fuck.” your voice was filled with panic, not knowing what to do or who to call at this hour. with all the strength left within you, carefully you tightly grabbed a hold of him before helping him inside your place, locking the door behind you. 

with slow and heavy steps, you finally reached the couch where you gently laid him. you sat on the floor, holding his hand as you sobbed, feeling absolutely clueless and useless. 

“y../n..” gojo attempted to call out, his voice even lower than a whisper, his chapped lips barely moving. however, he caught your attention as you quickly cupped his cheek. 

“i’m here, satoru. i’m here for you, don’t worry.” you quickly assured him, his flesh was a burning temperature under your palms. gojo let out a painful groan, his eyebrows furrowing before he cleared his throat. 

“i used all of my reverse curse technique to heal fifty percent of myself. but... i don’t have anymore within me to use.” he spoke in a hoarse voice, breathing heavily as his blood stained your furniture along with your clothes and hands. 

“i’ll heal you.” you sternly responded, placing your hand on his chest, only for him to shove your hand away. you gave gojo a puzzled look, not understanding the reason behind his actions. 

“i didn’t come here for you to save me. matter of a fact, i don’t wish to be saved.” gojo replied as if he could read your thoughts. 

“you’re talking crazy! stop being stupid and let me help you.” you spoke through gritted teeth, once again placing your hand on his chest, but he insisted on being stubborn, grabbing your hand to tightly hold it away from his body. 

“you’re right, i should’ve died instead of suguru. perhaps, that would’ve been the case when i fought against toji. i’m paying off my debt, y/n. i... i was selfish and because of my immature arguments with suguru, i resorted to kill him instead of finding another way.” he heaved in between his words, trying his best to explain his thoughts and emotions to you in the most clear and coherant way possible. 

“please, satoru, don’t do this! let me help you!” you begged him, trying to slip away from his astonishingly tight grip even at this state. however, the snow haired man simply shook his head. 

“i’m sorry, y/n. i was prepared to live my entire life in guilt because i killed him, but, i can’t live my entire life knowing that you hate me.” gojo gave you a pained sad smile, making your heard clench in pain. 

you sat on your knees, bringing his hand that was holding yours to your lips to place a tender kiss on his skin. 

“i don’t hate you, satoru, i never have and i never will. without you, i am nothing. when you were sealed, i went crazy and nearly killed myself so many times. i’m sorry, i never meant anything i said before, i swear! i was just so angry and hurt that day that i said those in the heat of the moment. please, satoru, come back to me. let me save you, i beg you.” you cried, tears falling on his flesh as the man looked at you with warm eyes. he gave you a small smile before placing your hand on his chest. 

your eyes widened after realizing, quickly trying to concetrate hard to heal him. you counted and watched each scar that was engraved and bleeding on his skin disappear, bullets of sweat trickling down your forehead and you softly whimpered in pain. gojo was passed out cold, his body limp as you tried to heal him fast to avoid any alarming damages. 

an hour has passed.

you started to feel numb, your body trembling as all your energy was being sucked out of your body. there was just a few more that had to be healed and you decided to shove your own health aside and push through this feeling of agonizing pain. 

you can’t lose him for the second time. 

another painfully long hour has passed and with heavy lidded eyes, you watched the final scar on his cheek disappear. a contented smile etch onto your lips, but it wasn’t much long after that you felt your vision grow blurry, head lolling forwards before dropping on gojo’s chest as you passed out. 

--- 

you stirred in your position, a grimace painted on your face as you tried to open your glued shut eyes. it took you a few seconds to adjust to the lighting of your room, until your vision cleared up and met with the familiar pair of blue eyes staring back into yours. 

“hey.” gojo croaked, a small smile tugging on his lips. 

“hey.” you copied his words, biting the inside of your cheeks to prevent yourself from bawling your eyes out from how relieved you were that he was alive and breathing in front of you. 

there was a moment of silence between you both as he sat up on the couch while you sat on the floor. his eyes were glued on the wall while you stared at your lap, fiddling with your fingers. 

it’s been nearly three years since you’ve last seen him from a horrible last encounter, it was pretty awkward. 

“you changed your house decor.” he suddenly blurted out, catching your attention. 

“nobara thought it looked depressing, so she did whatever she liked.” you shrugged, making him let out a breathy chuckle.

“do you like it?” gojo asked, his eyes now averting to your face, in which you still refused to meet his eyes. 

“i don’t really care about it, i had bigger things to care about than some stupid house decor.” you bitterly spat out, making gojo’s lips thin knowing that his follow-up question unintentionally struck a nerve. 

“is that so? and what may they be?” he cocked an eyebrow, making you look up at him in disbelief. 

“are you seriously asking me that right now?” you scoffed, making gojo cross his arms over his chest before leaning back into the sofa. 

“i am.” he confidently responded, making your itch with irritation.

“god, you truly are insufferable.” you sneered, making him roll his eyes. 

“and you’re still the same. you’re still hung over his death, aren’t you? it’s been about a decade, y/n. yet, you still haven’t matured. it’s truly pitying.” gojo snickered with faux sympathy, making your jaw drop to the floor. 

“he was our friend, satoru! how can you say that?!” you spoke through gritted teeth, making gojo scowl as he rubbed his temples. 

“because he’s not the same suguru we were friends with before he died! he died as a villain, a criminal, a mass fucking murder, y/n. stop defending him, you’re making a fool out of yourself.” he harshly spoke, not an ounce of care in his tone as he glared at you. 

“it wasn’t his fault. it was ours, satoru. despite being so close with him, we failed him. neither of us caught onto him spiraling down, maybe we could’ve prevented this if we just paid attention more.” your throat burned as every word left your lips, guilt choking you like an enemy as your lips quivered. 

“for the love of god, stop spewing shit like that. did you shove those beliefs and ideas down his throat? no. did i shove those beliefs and ideas down his throat? no. why are you destroying yourself over this, y/n?!” gojo yelled, his eyes begging for an answer as you grew quiet. 

“i..i-”

“no! there is no ‘i’, y/n. stop defending him! god, it’s always ‘suguru this’ or ‘suguru that’. it’s never satoru! i’m sick and tired of this, do you not care about me? am i not important to you?” he choked out, chewing on his lips as your eyes widened at his sudden words. 

“what?” you said, slightly astonished as your voice was as low as a whisper. 

“actually, i don’t wanna know. i don’t even know why i came here, my stupid half-dead brain at that time clearly didn’t know any better. anyways, i’ll get going then. goodbye, y/n.” gojo dryly spoke, attempting to stand up and leave without another word. but, before he could do so, you quickly crawled towards him and shoved yourself between his legs, hugging his waist and forcing him to sit back down on the couch. 

gojo was frozen on the spot by the sudden embrace, not knowing how to react at all. so, he stayed quiet with his hands to the side as you continued to hug him tight. 

“stop putting words in my mouth, satoru. you have no idea how much i suffered on my own when you were sealed. i thought that i’d never see you again. at one point, i was ready to offer kenjaku my soul or beg him to seal me with you. i can’t live without you, satoru.” you shook your head, face buried in his stomach as your tears seeped into the material of his shirt. 

you heard him let out a sigh before softly stroking your hair. your body shook in fear, arms squeezing him the slightest as you breathed him in. gojo heard you softly murmuring to yourself, choking on your incoherent words between your sobs. 

“come here.” he whispered, making you pull away as you took his invitation of being seated on his lap. without hesitation, you wrapped your arms around his neck while your legs wrapped around his waist. gojo’s arms protectively laced around waist, beautiful clear blue eyes staring into yours. 

your chewed on your bottom lip to prevent an ugly sob from leaving your lips, soaking in the sight of him being in front of your after three years. you cupped his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks as he leaned into your touch. 

“i’m sorry.” gojo mumbles, holding your hands before bringing it to his lips, kissing your knuckles. 

“for?” you asked, slightly confused by his sudden apology. 

“for everything that i said three years ago. you were right and i was in denial. it’s just... i’m so scared, y/n.” his voice cracked at the end, noticing how tears pooled in his eyes. you heart bled at the side, pulling his head to your chest as you heard him sniffle. 

“i don’t wanna lose you, y/n. i know suguru’s death has been hard on us and i tried to distract us both from it so that we both don’t lose ourselves. but, i never realized how badly it was destroying us both inside. it’s just so hard talking about his death.” with that being said, the world’s strongest sorcerer broke down in your arms. you tried to resist yourself from crying, but, it was as if your tear ducts worked like a damn waterfall. 

“i know, satoru, i know. it’s okay, we’ll be okay.” you stroked his hair, kissing the top of his head as you assured him. however, he shook his head before pulling away, looking up at you with a guilty expression. 

“i killed him, y/n. i-i... it’s my fault that he’s gone forever. i could’ve brought him back to jujutsu tech and have shoko heal him but i didn’t. i wasn’t thinking straight back then and screwed up! why don’t you hate me, y/n?!” he bellowed, eyes becoming red as he trembled in your embrace, making you sob at his words. 

“stop doing that to yourself, satoru. it’s not your fault!” you tried to convince him, needing him to see the truth and finally be pulled out of that pit of self-loathe and blame. 

“you don’t have to pretend anymore, y/n. i know that you’re only saying this to not hurt me.” gojo gave you a sad smile, his tears staining his cheeks as you thinned your lips while shaking your head. 

“if i was in your place... i would’ve done the same.” you said in a shaky voice, making his eyes widen. 

“w-what?” he stuttered out, completely in disbelief. 

“suguru lost against yuta, that was inevitable. if he was found by anyone else but us outside of jujutsu tech, he’d be immediately executed by god knows how. i’m pretty sure he’d rather die by the hands of his loved ones than those shitty higher-ups. i know i would.” you wiped away his tears, locking your eyes with his. 

“it’s okay, satoru. you’re okay, alright? we’ll be okay.” your voice lulled him back to sanity, a soft kiss being pressed onto his forehead. 

“i missed you so much, y/n. every minute that i spent in that prison realm felt so long, like death was a much more favorable option. i felt so alone and miserable, my thoughts consumed me with no mercy. i felt like an insane person.” his voice was low, no longer having the strength to talk as he spoke about his traumatic experience. 

“that sounds awful, satoru. i’m glad you came back to me, i missed you so much, too. you were the glue that pieced me back together, when you left... i shattered once again. i’m so sorry for everything that i said to you, i never meant anything! i’m so happy and relieved that you’re alive, i-i don’t know what i’d do if you died. i think i’d go crazy or kill myself. please, don’t ever leave me again.” you begged him, hugging him tight as you cried on his shoulder, feeling him rub your back in a comforting manner. 

“i’ll always be here, y/n.” gojo promised, kissing the side of your head. you both spent a few more minutes together in each other’s embrace, mumbling many ‘sorry’s’ and promises. after cooling down, you lifted your head up and looked at him. 

you noticed how beat up his condition was, as gojo looked completely drained. his eyes were puffy from the crying and his hair was a mess. 

“i’ll run you a bath and then let’s get some takeout.” you suggested with a warm smile, making him hum in response as his eyes lit up. 

“thank you.” he reciprocated your smile, kissing your knuckles once more before you got off of his lap and headed into the bathroom. 

if there’s one thing that you’d consider as the ‘positive’ side of working as a jujutsu sorcerer was the handsome salary that you received. it allowed you to get a bigger place that had a spacious bathroom which allowed the placement of a huge bathtub alongside a standing shower. 

of course, your place wasn’t nearly as big as satoru, but it was what you’d consider luxurious enough for you. 

you soon heard footsteps behind you, indicating satoru’s arrival. he ruffled your hair, making your head turn as you looked up at the tall man. 

“it’s ready, you could get in.” you wiped your hands with a small towel, about to walk outside of the bathroom to give him some privacy, until you felt him grab your wrists. 

“could you please wash my hair?” he requested, his soft tone mixed with his tired expression tugged at your heart strings. so, you nodded your head, locking the bathroom door behind you. 

satoru thanked you with a smile, not wasting anymore time as he began to strip in front of you. of course, it’s not like anything that you haven’t seen already. yet, the sight of his naked body after three whole years was enough to set your body on fire as your cheeks burned in embarrassment. you looked to the side, clenching your thighs together. 

you knew his body like the back of your hand, memorized every muscle and scar painting his skin. however, you can’t deny the fact that he’s gotten even more buff recently than last you’ve saw him. 

gojo didn’t notice your flustered state, hopping inside the warm soapy water as he submerged his body. you heard him let out a sigh in bliss, eyes rolling back as he leaned his back against the tub. you took the small shower head and began to wet his hair, all the while his eyes were strictly on your face. 

you tried your best to not pay much mind to him, trying to quickly wash his hair and be on your way to go order food because he was making you so damn flustered. you squeezed some shampoo his head before beginning to gently massage his scalp. 

gojo moaned at the satisfying feeling of your nails scratching his scalp, fingers threading through his snowy locks as you bubbled up his hair. you couldn’t help but be content at the sight of him being so relaxed, an unknowing smile etching on your lips. 

you washed away the shampoo, his eyes opening before glancing at your lips. gojo would’ve been lying to himself if he said that he wasn’t tempted to kiss you. however, he tried to maintain some form of self-control, especially after what went down. 

“okay, all done.” you notified, making him look up at you with appreciative eyes. 

“thank you, y/n.” he smiled. 

“no problem. you can finish washing up in the shower, i’m gonna fix the towels in the bathroom and then look for some clean clothes for you.” he nodded at your words, standing up as your back was turned to him, now heading inside the shower as he slid the glass door. 

you finished folding the small towels in the bathroom along with draining the bath water. you went by the sink, examining yourself as you fixed your hair. not noticing when the glass doors slid open, you felt an arm grab you by the waist before you were being pulled inside the shower. 

you let out a yelp before your back was met by the cold wet walls. your breath hitched as gojo towered over your body, arms caging you between them. you gulped at the sudden closeness, your face now wet from the water along with your clothes that were now drenched as well. 

“fuck, i tried so hard to resist you. but, when you look at me like that, i just wanna fuck you senseless.” gojo sensually whispered, leaning towards your face before pressing his lips to your jaw. you let out a shaky breath, being able to smell the scent of his shampooed hair along with his body wash that you always kept a spare in your bathrooms, even after he disappeared. 

“then do it.” you breathed out, feeling him leave open mouthed kisses all over your jaw until down to your neck. gojo pulled away, taking in the sight of you soaking wet, his hands coming up to your face as his thumb softly dragged along your lower lip. 

you teasingly bit his thumb before he experimentally pressed it down on your tongue, making you suck his finger. gojo smirked at your eagerness, looking at you with playful eyes. 

“you missed my touch, princess?” he asked, pulling your chin up as he forced your eyes to meet his. god, he looked so fucking hot and it made you so bothered. 

“yeah.” you shamelessly admitted, making him chuckle. 

“my poor baby, let me make it up to you.” with that behind said, gojo leaned his head down to crash his lips against yours. you wrapped your arms around his neck, running your fingers up and down his nape as you kissed him back. the sweet taste of his soft lips made you moan, feeling his tongue soon enter your mouth. 

gojo sucked and licked your tongue, nibbling on your bottom lip as he teasingly pulled back with a bite, you bottom lip between his teeth. you felt his heavy cock resting on your thigh, not even having the moment to gwak at his body. 

“need more, ‘toru.” you whined out, heat growing between your thighs as you craved more from his body. 

"yeah?" gojo teasingly asked, placing small trails of light kisses down your temple. you felt hypnotized, trying to figure out if it was because of the intoxicating scent of his or the way he was delicately feathering you with his kisses.

"satoru.." you breathed out, feeling suffocated from how much tension there was between the both of you. it was pathetic, how sensitive and responsive your body was to just mere touches.

but who could blame you?

you haven't touched him in three years, not being molded into his body in so long that you forgot how it felt to be this intimate with him.

"what is it, baby? tell me what you want and i'll give it to you." he promised, cerulean eyes now clouded with lust. gojo didn't know how much longer he could last, convinced that if you even just touched him once more, he would cum untouched.

that's how badly he needed you.

"make me feel good. please, i want you to touch me." you begged, looking at him with desperate eyes. satisfied with your answer, he hooked his hands around your thighs, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as your arms wrapped around his neck. gojo turned off the shower before getting out of the bathroom, walking into your room.

the both of you were so incredibly horny for each other that the thought of you both wetting the carpet slipped out of your mind. 

"gonna give it to you all, princess. i’m gonna make you mine tonight." gojo seductively responded as he gently threw you on the bed, towering over you. 

"so fucking pretty." he muttered under his breath, unable to control himself as he lowered his head, lips ghosting above yours for a brief second before finally capturing them in a very needy kiss.

you cupped his face, pulling him closer to your face as your lips began to move against his with more aggression. gojo sucked on your bottom lip, tongue swiping against the plump flesh.

without hesitation, you opened your mouth as gojo wasted no time to shove his tongue inside, the wet muscle exploring every cavern in your mouth. you moaned into the kiss, loving the feeling of how his spit coated your tongue. your hands found their way into his wet snowy locks, entangling them as you gave his hair small tugs, making the man groan in between the kiss.

he sounded so sexy, making you wetter every second from how hot and heated he got you just from these simple interactions.

feeling the need to breathe as both of your lungs nearly gave out from the lack of oxygen, both you and gojo pulled away from the steamy kiss. panting heavily while a string of saliva connected your lips, the man couldn't help but stare down at you.

your damp hair made the bed sheets wet as you were still in your wet clothes, white t-shirt now becoming transparent and sticking to your body as it revealed your black bra.

the flushed color of your cheeks along with how swollen and red your lips looked from the harsh sucking during the kiss earlier. you looked so gorgeous under him, all riled up just for him. it made his mind spin, just the thought of having you in his hold all to himself while he pounds you senselessly.

only gojo satoru could ever have you like this.

you chewed on your lower lip, your arms now wrapped around his neck as you both stared into each other's eyes. gojo mentally cursed at himself, wanting to attach his lips back onto yours and keep kissing you until both his and your lips go numb.

but he wanted to please you, to listen to whatever you wanted him to do to you. because tonight, gojo satoru wasn’t gonna fuck you, he was gonna make love to you. 

"so fucking special to me, y/n. gonna make you feel so good, baby." gojo mumbled onto the wet skin of your neck, kissing down to your collarbones. they were wet kisses, as he took the time to smell and taste you, being greedy with his desire of wanting to have his mind be only consumed by you.

you decided to lessen his work by pulling your wet t-shirt over your head, throwing it on the floor. gojo’s hands reached behind you to unclasp your bra, hooking a finger to quickly remove the annoying fabric that was acting as a barrier to prevent his mouth from attacking the plush mounds of flesh.

"was getting in my way." he snarked, completely speechless as he watched how your tits spilled out, nipples perked up and swollen from being neglected for so long. but not anymore as gojo took one of your nipples in his mouth, suckling on it while his other hand massaged your other tit.

"fuck." you swore under your breath, eyes shut tightly as you felt his fingers toying around with your other nipple. you opened your legs wider, allowing both of your bodies to be as close as possible. you could feel his cock rubbing against your thigh, all hard and throbbing.

"you're so hard, satoru." you commented, bringing a hand down to stroke his throbbing cock, making him choke from the sudden touch.

"all because of you, pretty girl." gojo looked up at you with a grin, placing a teasing kiss on your nipple before kissing down your stomach. they were open mouth kisses, his tongue swiping your skin here and there as he was able to taste the sweetness of whatever lotion you used before getting wet.

"you think i’m pretty?" you looked at him with dreamy eyes, making him pause as he tried to process your words.

"prettiest girl in the whole fucking world, i could just eat you up." he pampered you, tugging on your soaking wet pajama shorts to pull them down along with your panties which were pretty much drenched from the water and your slick, leaving your bare cunt exposed to gojo's full view.

the man was now in between your legs, both of his hands spreading your thighs wide open, refusing to let you close them. he took in a good minute to admire your pretty pussy, puffy folds that were coated with your arousal and your swollen clit that begged for any kind of touch.

god, he missed you so much. 

embarrassment began to eat you away as you buried your face in your hands, unable to take in the sight of gojo being completely mesmerized by the sight in front of him.

"y/n, look at me." gojo spoke, voice laced with a stern tone yet you shook your head, declining. he scoffed, peeling away your hands from your red face as you looked at him with wide eyes.

"prop yourself on your elbows, i want you to watch me while i eat your pretty little pussy out. you'll be good for me, won't you?" he innocently asked, yet his eyes were clouded with dark lust, two fingers proding at your folds before he used his middle finger to gently run it down your slit.

you shuddered from his touch, barely able to nod your head as he gave you a half smirk, lowering his head until you could feel his warm breath fanning over your wet cunt. although gojo loved the way your body responded to his praises, he also loved the way your body became twice as responsive when he teased you.

gojo began to kiss your inner thigh, slightly licking the area before placing a soft kiss on the wet skin. your thighs trembled whenever he would get dangerously close to your pussy that was drooling in anticipation for his tongue. but, gojo was determined to play some twists on you for a bit more before giving you what you wanted.

he continued to kiss farther up, lips now at the corner of your folds as you practically begged him to eat you out. he gently nibbled on your skin before peppering soft kisses, making small smooching noises as he continued this sweet torturous action of his for a bit longer.

"stop teasing, satoru." you whimpered, making him chuckle.

he licked a fat strip up your wet cunt, making your eyes roll back as you tried your best to hold your composure.  a strained gasp left your mouth, his tongue swiftly gliding between your sopping folds, slurping all of your slick.

gojo moaned into your wet cunt, you tasted so good that he couldn't have enough of you. he felt like a starved man that was finally fed, he pressed his mouth deeper into you, tongue now lapping at your juices as you gripped onto his damp hair.

"f-fuck!" you stuttered out, feeling his tongue circling your throbbing clit, your thighs threatening to just clamp around his head. gojo's grip on splitting your thighs open was pretty firm, but he had no complaint against getting crushed between your thighs because he practically wanted to live there.

curious blue eyes peered up at you through his thick white lashes, making sure that you were watching the beautiful sight of him devouring your pussy. you tried your best to keep your eyes on him, but the intense amount of pleasure he was providing you with made it hard.

you felt a soft stinging pain on the flesh of your thigh, as gojo lightly slapped the skin. it was a warning that you weren't following his words, and you muttered a small 'sorry' before opening your eyes.

"taste so good, i could eat you for hours." he breathed out, taking in the sight of your sloppy folds that were now coated and dripping with both his saliva and your juices. he pressed a soft kiss on your clit, making your body jolt from how sensitive you were at that point.

you were near your orgasming point, feeling a tight knot forming in your stomach. you pushed his head further in, feeling his tongue teasing your hole as you practically squealed from feeling the wet muscle enter.

"oh god—please, satoru! i-i'm gonna cum!" you cried out, chest heaving up and down. the beautiful man continued to tongue-fuck your hole, thumb coming up to brush against your clit as you shook under his hold.

you were seeing stars, gasping for air as your breathing became irregular. you were so close, feeling like you would cum on his tongue any moment.

but, gojo stopped, making you let out a whine as you were on the verge of tears. he raised his head, a playful grin on dancing on his lips in comparison with the frown on your face along with furrowed eyebrows.

"satoru, i was so close!" you sulked with a pout, making him roll his eyes.

"patience, baby. let me take care of you, yeah?" gojo left a tender kiss on your lips as you squirmed under him.

his fingers rubbed your hips up and down, while his lips began to kiss down you neck. your eyes fluttered close. a hand moved up to grope your tits, giving your nipples a soft pinch which made you let out a gasp.

"please.. i wanna cum, i need it so bad. please make me cum, satoru." you leaned your head back against the mattress, desperate eyes looking up at the gorgeous man. he gave you a soft smile before leaning his head down to place a kiss on your lips.

"i never said that i wouldn't, baby." gojo continued, big hands giving your thighs a small squeeze before parting them open.

you wanted to cry from the constant teasing and edging, it was becoming too much and you needed a release.

gojo’s long fingers lightly ran up and down your wet slit, before he spread your folds open with his index and middle finger. his free hand came up to grab your jaw, forcing you to look at him.

"look at me while i make you cum." he ordered, looking down with stern eyes which made you nod because you're ready to do anything as long as you could cum. 

he started off by rubbing your clit slowly, making your eyes roll back as you tried so hard to keep your eyes on his. the whole sight was so pornographic, your legs wide open while his fingers were playing with your dripping cunt.

gojo's fingers began to move much faster now, your slick coating the pads of his fingers which was caressing your swollen nub. your thighs trembled as you felt like you were on a high rush, breathing becoming more faster and that's when he suddenly entered two fingers inside your wet hole.

"satoru!" you screamed out his name, a satisfied smirk stretching across his pretty lips. he began to thrust his fingers in and out of you at a fast pace, determined to make you cum because you deserved it.

“right here, baby? hm?” he whispered, making you shudder as you nodded deliriously. 

your walls were clenching around his thick fingers, as he moved them in a scissoring manner. the squelching sounds of your pussy was like music to his ears as he watched how your cunt dripped with your juices that were now covering his whole hand and your inner thigh as well.

"wait! it's too much, i can't!" you cried out, tears forming in your eyes as you held onto his wrist, trying to halt his movements of thrusting his digits into your pussy. the feeling of your previously ruined orgasm along with this new one combined created an overwhelmingly large wave of pleasure.

"you can do it, baby. cum for me." gojo encouraged, the hand that was on your jaw now coming down to open your thighs that were wrapped around the hand that had his fingers deep into your cunt. he then continued to plunge his fingers inside you, his other hand playing with your tits to increase the stimulation of your pleasure.

he craned his head down before taking your nipple in his mouth, lightly nipping and bitting it while his fingers continued to stroke your velvety walls. soft fingers pinching your clit before rubbing the swollen bud as well.

you were frantically moaning and crying, gasping for air. he hit your g-spot and you began to cream on his fingers, your cum running down his fingers as he continued to finger fuck it back inside you.

"what a good girl you are, y/n." he praised, pulling his wet fingers out before smearing your juices all over your messy cunt. but, he made sure to bring those same fingers up to his mouth before sucking on them, groaning from your sweet taste.

"i-i.. holy shit." you were at a loss for words, all your energy drained out from the powerful orgasm you just had from his fingers and tongue.

with the remaining energy that you had left in your body as gojo seemed to suck that away as well, you wrapped yourself around him before rolling over, now hovering above his body. gojo’s eyes widened in surpise from your sudden dominance, but he had no time to protest as you crashed your lips onto his. 

you sucked on his bottom lips before giving it a gentle bite, making him groan before opening his mouth as you slid your tongue inside. one of your hands trailed down his neck, all the way to his well-built abs that you brushed your fingers against.

gojo let out a whimper, your touch felt like a fire has been set off his flesh as he was burning in pure ecstacy. he felt your lips grazing on his neck before leaving open-mouthed kisses on his collarbones as you moved down to his nipples.

"y/n.." he breathed out as he felt your lips latch onto his nipple, taking it between your teeth before you gave it a soft kiss. your hand crept down, grabbing a hold of his thick and heavy cock. 

gojo swore under his breath, closing his eyes as you began to stroke his throbbing cock. it was huge, heavy and the tip was leaking with precum. your thumb began to gently caress his tip, smearing his precum as you continued to pump his cock a couple of times.

he buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as he peppered kisses on the side of your face.

"feels good?" you asked but your voice was low like a whisper as the man nodded. he loved the feeling of your soft palms, that were undeniably smaller than his own hands, wrapped around his huge cock. your movements were just as teasing as his, shifting the pace from fast to slow just like how he did when fingering your pussy.

"so good, baby. but, i don't think i could wait any longer. i need to be inside you soon or else i'll go insane." he admitted, as he looked up at you with begging eyes, his face flushed red and sweaty. his shaky hands pulled your head down for another needy and wet kiss. 

"fuck me, pretty boy." you moaned onto his lips, feeling the tip of his cock rubbing against your folds, occasionally nudging your clit as he continued to do that a few times, getting his cock nicely lubed up with your slick.

he carefully caressed your head, flipping you both over so that he was now on top of you, letting you lay on the bed.

"try to relax, okay?" gojo softly spoke, his cock aligned with your hole. you nodded, hugging him as you tried holding him closer to you because not only did he act with you as delicately as possible but he was just so comforting in general.

he felt so warm and soft.

you felt him push his tip inside and already a stinging pain hit you, closing your eyes shut as you let out a groan. he was barely able to push in the fat mushroom tip of his lengthy cock. tears pricked your eyes, forgetting how big he was. gojo deciding to pause to give you some time to adjust to him again.

little by little, he managed to push about half of his cock inside your tight cunt. your fingers dug into the duvet, taking deep breaths. 

the man groaned from pleasure, feeling suffocated as your walls clamped onto his cock like no tomorrow. gojo felt like he could cum right then and there, your walls felt so soft and warm.

"shit." you breathed out, tears rolling down your eyes and he looked down at you in concern. he asked you if you wanted him to pull out but you quickly said no, firm on your decision that you just needed a minute to get used to it.

"tell me when you're ready, okay?" gojo carefully assured, catching your lips once again with his. a hand went to your clit as he began to stroke the twitching nub while you moaned into his mouth, distracted away from the pain of having half of his cock lodged into your wet cunt.

experimentally, he lightly began to buck his hips forwards while simultaneously rubbing your clit. you whimpered under him, eyes peering up to his before giving him half-lidded eyes.

"k-keep moving." you managed to tell him and that was the only thing he needed to hear before he pulled back out and entered his full length in one go, bottoming out. he began to thrust his full cock into your wet pussy. the squelching and wet noises of his balls that were now coated with your slick hitting against your ass filled the room.

gojo continued to drive his hips into yours, skin slapping against yours as his hands now grabbed onto your waist to increase his pace. he watched your tits move up and down due to the force of his movements, leaning down to suck and bite on your nipples.

your legs wrapped around his waist, locking him in place as your hands went to his hair, running through his messy white hair. his cock perfectly molded into your pussy, you were made for him. your legs began to shake, feeling his cock rubbing against your g-spot, the ridges of the veins of his cock deliciously caressing your wet walls.

countless number of moans were exiting out of both of your mouths, a single droplet of sweat trickling down the side of his forehead as you watched his face with adoration.

he was so adorable yet sexy at the same time. the way his eyebrows were furrowed together as he tried to loosen up your cunt that was forcing your walls to hug his cock too tight. but you eventually were able to relax, allowing gojo to bury his hard aching cock deep into your pussy as his thrusts remained sharp.

“s-satoru, f-fuck... feels so good!” you moaned out, pulling him in for a sloppy kiss filled with tongue and teeth. 

you felt the familiar build up in your lower abdomen, body trembling under him as he was able to sense that you were close.

"you wanna cum, baby?" gojo asked, placing soft and tender kisses on your lips as you were too focused on the feeling of his cock pistoning into your hole. you hummed in response, begging him to not stop.

"cum for me, y/n, please." he pleaded as he continued to thrust into you deeply, tip brushing against your cervix as you began to crumble in his hold. gojo’s hand grabbed yours before pinning it next to your head, intertwining his long fingers with yours. 

"fuck! i'm cumming-" you choked out, your eyes screwing shut as your body shuddered under him while you creamed around his cock. gojo felt your walls being welcomed with your warm cum, a ring of white forming at the base of his cock as he continued to fuck your through your own orgasm, chasing his high.

"fuck! gonna cum, god, i love you so much! love you so much, y/n!" he cried out, his hips slamming into yours as his movements became more sloppy, thick wads of cum painting your walls as you whimpered from the feeling of it.

the warm liquid filling your hole as he was in so much pleasure, not able to stop moving his cock inside your walls that were now coated with both his and your cum. gojo buried his face in the crook of your neck, placing small kisses and love bites on your shoulder as his hair tickled your face.

he carefully collapsed his body on top of yours, making sure to not put his full weight on you. the both of you tried to calm down from your highs, irregular breathing filled the room as a moment of silence graced the room. 

one hand stroked his hair while the other stroked his back, your legs still clamped around his narrow waist. gojo finally raised his head to look at you, a half-lidded smile dancing on his lips. 

“hey, princess.” that stupid nickname that always made you fold had butterflies swarm in your stomach once again. 

“hi, ‘toru.” you giggled at his playfulness, making a breathy laugh escape his lips as he kissed the tip of your nose. 

“let’s clean up before we both catch a cold.” gojo said, sitting up before pulling his cock out, making you wince from the lack of contact. he watched your hole pulsate, his cum spilling out as he gwaked at the sight. 

“you literally came your entire life’s worth inside me tonight.” you joked, making a blush creep up to his cheeks. 

“sorry, i couldn’t control myself.” he bashfully admitted, making you chuckle. 

both you and gojo cleaned up each other, finding dry clothes to wear before gojo helped you change the wet sheets into new ones. the feeling of fatigue washed over the both of you, dinner completely slipping out of your minds. 

you and gojo now were in bed together, you laying on his chest as his arm was wrapped around your waist. you listened to his heartbeat, counting them as you vividly remembered praying to god that you could hear it again. 

“i meant it, y/n.” gojo suddenly blurted out of the blue, making you hum in confusion. 

“what do you mean?” you asked, now looking up at him as he peered down at you. 

“i love you.” he confessed, making your heart skip a beat. you hugged his chest tighter, burying your face in his neck. 

“i love you too, satoru.” you smiled against his skin, pressing soft kisses on that sensitive area, making him giggle at the ticklish feeling. you rolled on top of him, straddling his waist as gojo held you. 

you both stayed like that for a while, until a heavy sigh left his lips. your eyebrows pinched together, looking at him with a puzzled look. 

“you wanna know suguru’s last words?” his words made your eyes widen, your head lifting as you looked at him with a shocked expression. 

“huh?” you were speechless at his sudden offer. 

“his last words was for me to tell you that he was in love with you, y/n. i didn’t wanna tell you because i was selfish towards my own feelings for you.” gojo looked to the side, shame washing over him as he couldn’t bear to meet your eyes. 

you could sense his guilt, but, you didn’t have the heart to punish him. 

you cupped his face, turning his head to face you. a warm smile was plastered on your lips, eyes softening as you looked at him with nothing but love and adoration. 

“satoru, it has always been you who made my heart flutter. whether you told me this three years ago, ten years ago or even later in the future; it would’ve never changed the fact that i love you and only you.” your voice was gentle and your words were tender, making his heart race. 

“y/n.. fuck, i love you so much.” he chewed on his lower lips, tears forming in his eyes as he pulled you down closer to his body. you stroked his hair before wiping his tears away, leaning down to pepper his face with many kisses. 

the world was cruel, but when you’re in the arms of the strongest sorcerer, it no longer felt that painful. 

after all, within every touch and every kiss, you made gojo satoru feel like he was breathing; like he was human again. 

[birdfrenchforbird]

2025 book bingo tbr

i'm gonna be following the 2025 book bingo created by the magnanimous @batmanisagatewaydrug and i have just completed (to the extent i can today) my tbr! (this has also inspired me into making a list of 25 things i need to do 25 times throughout 2025... so if there's one thing i will be next year, it is occupied). i drew from books that i own/my roommate owns as much as possible.

Literary Fiction: Luster by Raven Leilani (which has been on my libby holds list since mackenzie last recommended it. abt 20 weeks to go).

2. Short Story Collection: Cursed Bunny by Bora Chung, translated by Anton Hur (advanced reader's copy i got for free from my college's book club)

3. A Sequel: A Day of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon

4. Childhood Favorite: The Sword of Darrow by Alex and Hal Malchow or Heidi by Johanna Spyri or something i find when i am home for the holidays that calls my soul more than these two

5. 20th Century Speculative Fiction: The Silmarillion by J. R. R. Tolkein (because TECHNICALLY it counts)

6. Fantasy: Piranesi by Susanna Clarke (one of the few remaining Book of the Month editions i still own)

7. Published Before 1950: Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters, published in 1915

8. Independent Publisher: I Love Information by Courtney Bush, published by Milkweed Editions (will need to either get over my fear of going to the library in person to set up my online account and put a hold on this OR purchase a copy)

9. Graphic Novel/Comic Book/Manga: Fun Home by Allison Bechdel or Saga by writer Brian K. Vaughan and artist Fiona Staples, have not decided (both owned by my roommate)

10. Animal on the Cover: Diminished Capacity by Sherwood Kiraly (he was my playwriting/fiction professor and gave me my copy of the novel)

11. Set in a Country You Have Never Visited: Euphoria by Lily King, set in New Guinea (owned by my roommate)

12. Science Fiction: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams

13. 2025 Debut Author: Julie Chan is Dead by Liann Zhang, expected May 2025 (another physical hold or purchase situation)

14. Memoir: Reading With Patrick by Michelle Kuo (commencement speaker at my graduation!)

15. Read a Zine, Make a Zine: tbd! will probably be more than one!

16. Essay Collection: The Book of Difficult Fruit by Kate Lebo

17. 2024 Award Winner: How to Say Babylon by Safiya Sinclair, NBCC Award for Autobiography (will borrow from libby, audiobook is also available)

18. Nonfiction: Learn Something New: I was paying more attention to the nonfiction part than the learn something new part and i do need to find a new book for this because originally i was gonna go with one of Caitlin Doughty's novels which, while lovely, are not something New To Me. i know i have a biography of Anna Freud somewhere so maybe i will dig that up? otherwise it might be a scroll-through-libby adventure

19. Social Justice & Activism: The Theater of War by Bryan Doerries (read a few chapters first year of undergrad but never the whole thing so technically it counts as a new book for me)

20. Romance Novel: Once Upon a Broken Heart by Stephanie Garber

21. Read and Make a Recipe: Jane Austen's Table by Robert Tuesley Anderson, specific recipe to be determined upon reading

22. Horror: Flowers in the Attic by V. C. Andrews (owned and recommended by my roommate as a good option for me, because i do not do well with horror. respect the genre so much!! but my anxiety disorder)

23. Published in the Aughts: Throne of Jade by Naomi Novik (just got my thrift books copy a couple weeks ago. i am making myself SAVOR this series)

24. Historical Fiction: Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

25. Bookseller or Librarian Recommendation: tbd upon getting over my fears and actually visiting my library in person! it's a five minute walk from my apartment i do not know what my problem is

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Silver Lining 3

Warnings: non/dubcon, speech impediment, bullying and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: silverfox!Bucky Barnes

Summary: You have an unpleasant encounter with an older man.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

"So your sister will be coming by next week with the little ones," your mother declares as you stand at the sink, scrubbing away the remnants of roast beef and potato. "You'll get to play auntie for the day."

"Mhmm," you nod, "what about Justin?"

"Oh, your brother's down visiting with his fiance's family. He said he'd try to make if for Christmas Eve but you know how her family is."

You sniff and pretend to know. You really don't. It's all hearsay to you. You don't hear much from either siblings; they have lives, you just happen to be related.

"S-sounds great," you utter as you put another plate in the rack.

"Oh, honey, you should just use the dishwasher," she says.

"It's f-f-fine, this works," you insist.

"Well, what about you? What are you up to?" She leans on the counter.

"I..." you don't know what to say. You need a lie, anything to appease her. Your brother's engaged, your sister has the white picket fence and you have nothing, "oh, I h-have a job interview."

"You do?" She sounds thoroughly disbelieving.

"Uh, yeah, w-well," you stammer through, trying not to give away your deceit, "since n-no one wants to h-hire me in my f-field, I f-found something new."

"That's exciting," she chimes, "what is it?"

"Uh, I w-want to see i-if it turns out b-before I say," you give a tight-lipped smile, "don't want to d-disappoint you again."

"Sweetie, you're not a disappointment," she hums, "I'm always happy to see you trying."

You look down at the sink and shrug. Behind that comment is the inference that you weren't trying before. That you haven't been. The long nights with vivid nightmares don't exactly motivate you and you've been all but blacklisted as an executive assistant. Even admin roles aren't responding. Even if you do get a bite, the job market is drawn out and tedious.

"Thanks, mom."

"Just... try not to mope around the kids," she chides, "it's Christmas."

You flutter your lashes, "sure, mom."

That's what you are to everyone; weak, pathetic, useless. No, don't do that. You'll make another appointment with Lisa, she always knows what to do.

☕️

Well, this is it. A last resort. One of those freelancing websites that pays pennies. It's better than nothing and will keep you from having too big a gap on your resume. You could easily do the writing gigs, easy money for transcription. You apply to a few of those and scroll on.

You sit up as you see a particular posting that interest you. Oddly enough, the pay isn't half bad. It's also labeled as 'may lead to ongoing work'. Well, well, well, now that's something.

You click into the posting for 'Podcast Script Writer' and review the details. A sample is required for application and lucky enough, you have lots of those hanging around. If it wasn't for your stammer, you'd have an episode done by now. You deleted enough recordings to the point of giving up. Well, this is a solution. You can get your work out there without having to embarrass yourself.

You go through the application, putting in your info and editing a draft before attaching it to the application. You just hope it's thorough enough. You never really let anyone else see and hitting submit makes your stomach flip. With the final click, you close your laptop and quickly get up. Alright, you're not going to dwell on it. If you hear anything, you'll worry then.

You try to read but can't focus. It just makes you think of the posting and your application. Oh jeez, imagine you're rejected but worse, they tell you you've done everything wrong.

Appointment! You can't forget that. You login to the app and put in a request for a Zoom appointment that week. Alright, you're getting things done, you can't say you've done nothing.

You put a video on your phone and lean it on the pop out grip, propping it up on your mattress to watch the compilation of sitcom moments cut together on Youtube. Your mind wanders and your eyes begin to sag as the day shrouds you in fatigue. You slip into a shallow doze as the glare of the screen flickers over you.

The distant clack of keyboards and clicking of mouses needles behind your ears. It's as if you're trapped in a bubble of silence, all colours and noised dampened by the unseen wall. You shudder as you hear his voice, the only thing that's clear. Your name crawls up behind the shell of your ear with his breath as his hands settle on your hips. Your body aches as every muscles tightens and your bones lock in place. Please, no, not again...

"Sir..." you try to speak but nothing comes out. He's always tugging your skirt up, his hand is around your throat. You close your eyes as tears stain your cheeks.

You wake with a start, your phone black as the battery's drained from neglect. You sit up and pant, looking around your dark bedroom, the moonlight limning shadows sinisterly. You gulp and fall back, watching the ceiling as the tears rise in reality and sting your eyes.

If you'd just said no. A simple word. Even you can manage that.

You lay for a while until your restlessness boils over. You get up and plug in your phone. The screen lights up as you rub your eye socket and yawn. There's an email notification in the taskbar. Probably more ads for things you can't afford.

You pull down the menu but find ‘Application Update’ emblazoned across the notification. Oh wow, that was fast. You keep yourself from tapping on the email.

You don't know if you can handle another rejection. You'd rather languish in the uncertainty. You've been doing so for so long, it almost feels safe.

[new-revenant]

Alright! Time to share all of what I have of the 4th chapter. It’s not much, but hey, it’s something. Here is the Ao3 link to the other 3 chapters. And unfortunately, the story is on indefinite hiatus because I just. Couldn’t do it ha, got overwhelmed and majorly burnt out. Anyhow, hope you enjoy what I do have. 872 words.

Edit: Opps! Forgot to tag you haha @bianca-hooks123

When Danny woke up, he was surprised at how refreshed he felt. He really hasn’t a good night’s sleep in a while, huh. His body didn’t ache, his left arm finally felt normal, and the bruises he had were gone. If not for still being trapped in his ghost form, he would’ve been having the time of his life!

As he sat up, Danny noticed that his tray of food was unfortunately gone. But, he now had a new tray of food, breakfast edition! It still had the same mix of human and Tamaranean on it, which was nice. His water bottle was refilled, accompanied by a cup of strawberry milk right next to it.

Danny quickly set out to eat all of the food, like eating the dry cereal and then drinking the entirety of the milk right after, as God intended. He didn’t eat as fast as he did last night-er, before he fell asleep. He honestly had no idea what time it was, and couldn’t see a clock nearby. A clock.

Clockwork.

Danny had to stop eating for a moment, trying to calm down the rage that was beginning to simmer. It’ll all be fine, everything back home would be fine, he just needs to pass whatever this test is and punch Clockwork in the face, then he’d be good to go. But what about this universe? Would he be able to go back here? Would he need to? Would he want to?

Danny shook his head, “No time to worry about that,” he muttered to himself, “Just eat your food, and read this note you just noticed was here.”

Danny picked up the note that he must’ve missed because he was too focused on the food. It was not written in English, or had any letters he was familiar with, and he was pretty sure spoken English here was the same as it was in his universe. It was most likely in one of the written languages of Tamaraneans, since everyone-expect Batman-thought he was a Tamaranean.

Danny flipped the note around, hoping for an English translation. The back of the note had more writing, but it was still in Tamaranean. Well that sucked. Now he has to find someone to read the note, and considering the note’s in Tamaranean, it was probably from either Starfire or Nightwing, maybe saying that they were off doing stuff. Even if Danny couldn’t read it, he did have a half-decent intuition!

With a sigh, Danny put the note back down and decided to finish his breakfast. It was so good, definitely better than anything his parents cooked for him. Who would definitely be okay if Nocturn was to be believed. Wait, was Nocturn telling the truth? Danny shook his head again, he had to believe Nocturn, for the sake of his own sanity.

Once Danny finished his food, he got out of the bed, and looked around the infirmary. He noticed three things; one, there was a clock in here and showed that it was 3 o’clock-whether it was AM or PM he didn’t know, two, someone else was in infirmary, and three, there was a box right in front of his bed.

First things first, the person in the bed was someone he hasn’t seen yet, with white, giant wings on their back. They looked they were in pain and was hooked up to something. They were already awake and was looking over at Danny.

“Ah, hello there kid,” they said with a small wave, “I’m Hawkgirl, glad you’re feeling better. Heard you weren’t in such a good state when you came in here.”

“Well, this is the infirmary,” Danny joked, “But I think I just used up too much energy.”

“Didn’t you also fall hundreds of feet from the sky?”

“Wow news spreads fast here huh? I healed pretty quickly from that though.”

“If you count being asleep for two days fast, then yes, you have.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve been asleep for how many days?” Danny couldn’t believe it, two days? That means he’s already been gone for…two minutes back home so he probably didn’t need to worry about that.

“You’ve been asleep for two days,” Hawkgirl’s voice held a pinch of sadness as she spoke, “I wish I could convert Earth days to Tamaranean days, but I don’t know the conversion rate. Starfire might, but she’s on-world right now.”

“It’s okay. Also do you um, know how to read this?” Danny showed her his note, “I can’t read.”

Hawkgirl inhaled sharply, with Danny already knowing what she was going to say and he groaned.

“Yeah yeah you don’t know either, it’s fine,” Danny pinched the bridge of his nose, “Uh, newtopicnewtopic…how are you doing? Got injured in a fight?”

“Unfortunately, yes, I have,” Hawkgirl sighed, “This strange, ghost-like creature managed to mess up some of my internal-“

“Wait a minute, er-sorry for interrupting you but did you say ghost? Like the see-through dead guys?”

“I’m unsure, Batman is looking into it. Oh, and he left that box of clothes for you not too long ago.”

“Ah, that’s what the box was for. Well, I’m going to wander around this spaceship-thing until I find a place to change.”

[accio-victuuri]

(13) Fake Rumors - from the vault

I have been going through some old rumors from the fake house & decided to share some. whether these may be new to you or not, but i hope you still enjoy them as much as I did looking back. I feel like in the fandom, we’ve only ever been active when it comes to lrlg and the 49 fakes. the rest of the information that fall in between aren’t as talked about or depends on the topic. as with all other bjyx material, i want a place to store some parts of it. 🤍

these are sort of random, the ones that I had saved and found again. treat it all as fiction.

( someone please make an AU fic or edit for this xz and wyb. there is a story here. look at them. 😍😍😍 )

i have traveled a long way, you have dreamed a long time. many lonely nights drift like fallen leaves but it always finds a way….🍃🍂

(1) this one was posted for the new year 🎉

XZ: Get me a courier later

🧔‍♂️:Okay

====

🧔‍♂️:What is it? It’s so light

XZ: made-up parts, Legos.

*XZ talking to a staff so he can send out some lego parts. I think it’s light because what he is sending are “parts” that WYB is missing and he found them for him. I truly like the idea of XZ spoiling WYB when it comes to his hobbies and him being invested in it too even if he isn’t necessarily a fan too. true love! and well, reminded me of the rumored lego set gift during the early days of cql filming.

(2) have you eaten?

About the backstage live broadcast of a recent event on the same stage

WYB:Have you eaten yet?

XZ: *shakes head*

WYB: Come have dinner with me later

XZ: Who else? (Looking over it, I don’t know what I’m looking for)

WYB: Stop looking for it. I’ll send it to you next time.

Supplement: Teacher W watched Teacher X take off his makeup before leaving together.

*The usual WYB making sure that XZ eats and him waiting for his gege so they can eat with each other. Even after the CQL filming, as long as they are at the same event they will try and be together. Tho instances of that have been so rare to 0 nowadays because of the amount of eyes on them.

(3) the forbidden book lol

The crew's study period

WYB: Where is the erotic book? I want to read it.

XZ: Suddenly got up and left.

*This is one of my faves even if it’s so short! Library Pavilion behind the scenes & rumors is the gift that keeps on giving. I wouldn’t put it pass WYB to troll ZZ with this.

Here’s a GIF for you to bring you back to that time🤍

(4) call me maybe? 📱

There was a period last year where everyone had to learn rap, usually🐂 learned the fastest but he was absent-minded that time🐂 was looking at us eating delicious food while resting, it seems that he is thinking his rap, he seemed to be even more tired. At this time, staff handed over the phone and he left immediately to pick it up.

He called him, and when he came back he didn't have any special expression, but he felt refreshed. 

(5) praising

WYB: I really like to be praised by everyone and feel "wow" from everyone, so every time Da Zhen's family praises me crazily, I will secretly write it down and send it to him.

XZ: I am also a part-time praise captain. Every time I praise,None of them are the same.He can often keep up with the facts.

WYB: I don’t understand a lot of Internet slang.

XZ: I always hurt him by saying, "No, you don't even know this joke, so WYB doesn't go online?" Just. very good. Laughing, every time I feel hurt, I secretly say "He is better than me. I'm young, I know everything." What kind of tone is this? One time during a video, XZ sang "Darling, come and save me." Seeing WYB's ears slowly become red and coughed. Who can tell me what’s going on with these lyrics?

(6) baking shenanigans

The puff pastry made by XZ is very delicious, WYB will also work with XZ to help when he has time. He’s busy getting started, and they will also do some weird things. If there is a strange taste, try it with the people around you.

Once WYB squeezed minced garlic into the pastry and mixed chili powder, but forgot to mark it, XZ ate it, pinched the back of the neck and squeezed the flesh of the face "Teacher Trained WYB”

*IM CACKLING AT THIS OMG WYB 😂😂😂 what flavor of pastry is that????

(7) another one about eating

Aling period

WYB: Why are you back?

XZ: Come back for dinner, there will be a show in the afternoon

WYB: Aren’t you going to eat with your friends?

XZ: I didn’t agree when someone wanted to invite me, it was too stupid.

WYB: xls It’s so difficult to eat normally today

XZ: You haven’t eaten it, have you?

WYB: Nope. I just thought you were back.

(8) checking the weather

XZ: “The weather doesn’t look like it’s going to rain...(Look 📱)

👤: "It should be sunny..."

XZ: “I just saw📱the weather forecast showed it’s going to rain soon.

👤: How is that possible? It’s obviously sunny. "(春📱)

XZ: "Huh?" (👤♥Two people facing each other📱)

XZ: Overcast to light rain to moderate rain.

👤: What you are looking at is the weather

XZ: Oh my God, so embarrassing...

XZ forgot to switch cities. no one will know the city WYB was in that day if I don’t tell you.

*This one hits different cause for this rumor, they are in different cities but in the same country. Lately, there are times that they are in diff countries so do they look at the weather their too? 🥹🥹🥹

I can’t relate to their obsession with the weather, but if that gives them a sense of connection to each other then it’s fine.

(9) raining

💚Supplement: It’s when the temperature gradually rises. At that time, it rained in June.

💚Holding an umbrella💚❤️talking all the way

❤️Start standing on the right side of 💚

💚Hold the umbrella and tilt it in the direction of ❤️

❤️Thick clothes💚Left half of light-colored thin clothes

The edges are wet and very transparent.

❤️Just keep pushing the umbrella in the direction of 💚

I wanted to block 💚 a little more, but found it was fine.

After seeing the effect, I found an opportunity to move it to the left side of 💚

Then 💚 the right half also got wet

Both centered and symmetrical….…..

(10) them and their parents.

Regarding their parents, I currently know the older one’s mom and dad can also surf the internet, and talk about about their CP and their impression of WYB is good. But his mother actually really wants to have a grandchild. His father is very indifferent when the older one comes home. I'm sure his mother won't be able to bear it. She asked him bluntly, the older ones always focus on work to fool her in the past. In July this year not only did he tell the truth to his family but took the younger one back with him.

It’s time for dinner at home, and the younger one is very nervous. He is afraid that the family will think he is not good enough. He bought a lot of things and piled them up for backup. He sprayed perfume and dressed properly and pretended. The older one made him want to laugh when he looks at him, just fool around. The younger one calls him a big bastard.

The mother on the table was holding jianguo and said she could only count on her to give birth to a litter of grandsons.

* I know that talk about their parents is sensitive and would always lead to more discussion, but again, treat this as fiction. and tbh, who could resist WYB as a son in law??? It I had a son and he brings home WYB as a boyfriend I will be very happy. I also feel soft that XZ is trying to tease and make WYB laugh.

(11)

What happened last year

WYB: Is it delicious?

XZ: (nodding while eating) Yeah, it’s quite delicious.

WYB: What about others?

XZ: Wait a minute...Wow, I just ate that, this one has no taste.

WYB: Is it too spicy?

XZ: It’s okay, but my tongue is numb and I can’t taste other flavors.

WYB: Wait a minute, drink some water. Is it really that spicy?

XZ: Try it yourself. You didn't keep it for yourself? Wasn't it sent from you?

WYB: I didn't take it apart. Bring it to me.

Then XZ really ate so much that he left two packets and took them back to WYB.

(You send it to me and I will bring it back to you. What kind of trick is this?)

What happened this year

XZ: It’s been too cold these two days.

👤: Southern kids.

XZ: :Then northerners also feel cold. Cold is cold.

(Okay, I know you have northerners in your family, next one)

👤When teasing XZ and WYB, XZ’s response was, “Hahaha” and send out red envelopes. As expected of Boss XZ.

I saw other people's submissions and came to do some post-sale service. I heard that XZ sang to put WYB to sleep. I know that there is indeed mmxhn, and there is a six-character song related to snow. (There are probably others somewhere that I don’t know about)

(12) like a fairy

XXX was wearing Iwj's white clothes for the first time

XX: Fairy, descended to earth to overcome the tribulation

XXX: Isn’t fairy a dog? You have so much information but no good words.

XX: Compliment you for being good-looking and handsome.wls, wow, so handsome!

XXX: xls looks better than me, our xls is so beautiful, ancestor of Yiling

XX: Stop, stop, it’s so shameful

*My favorite kind of rumor is when WYB goes gremlin on XZ! 😂😂😂😂

(13) cravings

WYB has been craving for "cai cai rice" recently, XZ told him many times that spring is not so good to have wild vegetables, even if they are cooked. WYB said he doesn’t care about wild vegetables he just wants to eat the vegetable rice cooked by XZ, but I don’t have that. It smells good, I just want to eat it.

In the end, he still didn’t get the cabbage meal, but freshly baked dumplings. WYB got a bargain and acted nice, he was acting coquettishly while eating.

* Oh to be WYB and have someone like XZ cook for youuuu 😍😍😍😍

-END.

P.S : this ye mi and xiao zhan AU pairing is living in my mind rent free. 🥵🥵🥵

[dustofthedailylife]

Roommates au.

Al Haitam who wakes up in the middle of the night to find Kaveh and yn baking cookies.

Yn is spared because his big fat crush, kaveh gets lectured.

Ohhh my gosh imagine... (this also got longer than I thought but I could stop myself from brainrotting soooo enjoy <3). And as a preface to this drabble: Flustered Alhaitham is my favorite genre fr.

"Cookies"

Alhaitham x Reader // Kaveh x Reader (Roommate AU) // Fluff Previous roommates brainrot [here] but reading it is not necessary. -> Masterlist || -> Taglist

Alhaitham is woken up by some banging and drilling sounds coming from the kitchen. Naturally, his mind wanders to Kaveh first thing. Because who else would be insane enough to cause such a ruckus at 3 am in the morning?

At first, Alhaitham pulls his pillow over his head in order to try and muffle the annoying sounds. He definitely doesn't want to sleep with his noise-canceling headphones again since he is unable to sleep on the side with them.

Eventually, he finds it too uncomfortable to press his pillow to his head and decides to get up to give Kaveh the scolding of a lifetime.

He practically tramples to the kitchen, not even putting in the effort to put a shirt on before, because of how furious he is and how much he wants the noise to stop.

"Kaveh! Have you ever considered that some people are trying to get an adequate amount of undisturbed sleep?" Alhaitham starts shouting as he walks along the hallway and turns right to enter the kitchen with balled fists and eyebrows furrowed in anger.

"You're unbelievable. What are you even-" he continues his tirade before being interrupted by someone running into him and effectively shutting him up immediately. And it was none other than you. With flour on your cheek and those innocent-looking eyes, he could fall for again and again.

"Cookies. We're baking cookies... Oh, I'm sorry, did we wake you up?" you ask innocently. Alhaitham doesn't want to say it but seeing you makes his anger dissolve into thin air. You could wake him anytime and he'd be content. Kaveh on the other hand...?

"Yes, but it's okay," he reassures you before addressing Kaveh directly. "And you; stop enabling everyone in this goddamn house to join in on your stupid ideas! Do you understand? It's 3 a.m., go to bed, for Archon's sake!"

"Wha- it wasn't even my idea!" Kaveh exclaims exasperated.

"It was actually my idea." You admit with a shrug and an awkward smile, patting Alhaitham's bare shoulder a couple of times, effectively frying his synapses. Because it wasn't until now that he realizes he is standing in front of you with his upper body entirely exposed the entire time.

Alhaitham can feel a blush beginning to bloom on his cheeks before he quickly turns around to stomp back to his room, the feeling of the touch of your hand still lingering on his exposed skin.

The last thing Alhaitham hears, before closing his door behind him once more with a loudly beating heart and a flushed face, is Kaveh's snicker and a "Quite fascinating behavior there, Acting Grand Sage."

Do not repost, copy, translate or edit - © dustofthedailylife || reblogs, comments, and asks about Genshin or my fics are always greatly appreciated and motivate me! Maple dividers are mine - do not copy.

[sulfurousdreamscapes]

How I Hacked My Short Story Brain into Developing a Novel

I promised I'd make this post, so here it is, but with a proper title and everything so that it'll be more generally helpful to other writers.

Regulars of this blog have probably noticed that I've struggled a lot with long-form fiction over the years, despite having churned out a library's worth of short fiction.

This time though, things are coming together, and it's because I've got a technique down that plays to my strengths as a short story writer.

Step 1: Outline and Draft Something

After writing and abandoning several outlines for my WIP Last Night, New Body, I finally set one in stone and wrote a draft for it this January.

The rough, first, skeleton draft was 30,000 words long - far from ideal, but better than nothing. It was tough, but I got it done in two months.

Step 2: Read Through and Take Notes

Next, I read through the draft and took notes on how I thought the novel could be improved. This included notes on plot, characters, and setting. The notes were all taken in a spread sheet in the following format:

Page Number -> Note Title -> Description -> Category

The 'Note Title' could be something witty or referential, but it has to be short, like the name of an achievement in a video game. So for example, it could be:

23 -> Enemy at the Gates -> Why does Nadia shut the door when she sees that Rhea has come to visit? -> Character

I took these notes freely, writing down any point that I thought could be changed, expanded, removed, or otherwise mused.

Once I was done with these notes, the question arose: what the hell do I do with these notes?

Step 3: Treat the Notes As Writing Prompts

This step is in-progress at the moment, but I'm halfway through it already! The idea is to take each note and write 500 words for it.

This comes naturally to me because I've written hundreds upon hundreds of flash fiction pieces for my blog, each one targetted for 500 words. This means I'm now developing the novel 500 words at a time, based on the notes I took while reading through the skeleton draft.

The process has been beautifully productive so far, and I've come up with so much detail, so many new scenes, and better developed characters. My next draft will be assuredly be much longer than the 30k words I got down before.

So how long will this take? That depends on how many notes you take. I initially took 72 notes, but I've found that as the story develops and changes, I've had to "delete" many notes because they became redundant or irrelevant. I say delete in quotes because I've actually moved them to a 'recycle bin' sheet of sorts, so that I can retrieve them later if I deem them important after all.

Next Steps? Outline and Draft the Thing

I'm generating a lot of meat for the skeleton draft, and I'm dying to put that meat on the bones. To do that, I plan on first constructing a very detailed outline, including as much detail from the expanded notes (the 500-word pieces) as possible.

This done, I'll write the 'flesh draft' while referencing both this outline and the skeleton draft. As excited as I am for this, I do anticipate this process to be difficult, so I might find a way to divide it into small, short story sized chunks as well.

Then come the edits and everything else. We'll cross those bridges when we get there.

[nervoushottee]

A Solemn Promise Ch.3 | Joel Miller Series

  

Summary: Outbreak Day.

Warnings: Violence, pregnancy, car crashing, death, guns, usual the last of us shit so please keep that in mind.

Note: THIS IS NOT EDITED. If I edit this I will hate it more than I already do an delete the whole thing. But I need to get over the hill and get this out.

I hope you enjoy!

comments and reblogs are so appreciated &lt;3

---- ---- ---- ----

2:16 AM.

You woke up to Sarah shaking your shoulders, calling your name repeatedly. You slowly blink the sleep away from your eyes. “Where’s dad?” she asks you. 

You had been sleeping on Joel’s side of the bed. A normal recurrence that you do whenever you miss him. His pillow still smelled like him and it was warm and comforting for both you and the baby. You rub your eyes to get a better look at the young girl turning on your side to face Sarah. “He went to go get Tommy. Said he'd be back in a couple of hours.”  

“Well it’s more than a couple hours.”

You grumble in confusion, taking a look over at the alarm clock. Every ounce of sleep gone from your body, your confusion now turned to worry once you read the time. Sarah was right, he should’ve been back by now. 

The two heard dogs barking, helicopters flying through the sky and a dull almost explosion sound in the distance. The sounds make Sarah jolt in shock and you sit up properly. 

“What’s going on out there?” You said out loud.  “I don’t know, I woke up and I heard a loud noise and came in here. I’m scared.” Sarah said to you truthfully.

Sarah looked at you with pleading eyes. It was the look that made you feel like you would do anything in the world to keep her from looking that way again. 

Upon hearing those words, you placed your legs on the edge of the bed, slipping in your gray sweats and rubbing Sarah’s shoulder.

 “It’ll be alright, let’s go downstairs and look for your dad, maybe he fell asleep on the couch or something.” You say, trying to give some ounce of hope. You were truly hoping for it also. 

 The preteen nodded eagerly, following you as you both walked out the bedroom door. 

Sarah grabs your hand to hold into hers and you welcome it without hesitation.  The hallway that was once warm and full of light was now dark and. “Dad?” Sarah called out. 

The two of you walked down the stairs. You went into the living room to see if Joel had in fact slept on the couch like you hoped him to. He wasn’t.

“Fuck.” you whispered to yourself quietly. “Joel, where are you?”

A loud noise came suddenly causing Sarah to gasp. You called her name, following the noise that the young girl made. You walked into the kitchen to see Mercy, the Adler’s dog, barking anxiously and whimpering.

Sarah opened the door, which welcomed the dog to climb into her lap with a cry as Sarah knelt down to pet the dog. “Easy…what are you doing here boy?” 

You suddenly felt a chill run down your arm. You felt it was due to the anxiety you felt rather than the cold chill of the night air. You muttered to Sarah that you’d be back and quickly went into the living room to grab the cardigan you had once hour merely hours before. You had left it there on the couch after the movie, planning to move it tomorrow like you usually do.

You slipped it on and put on the house slippers you had left also. 

You turn to head back in the direction where you left Sarah. The house was quiet. No sound of Sarah’s reassurance to the fearful dog. Nor the scared whines that the dog made before you left. 

“Sarah?” you called her name, but no answer. 

You didn’t need another second to walk back into the kitchen and see Sarah was gone. The door the young teen had went through was still open. “Shit.” You quickly walk out the door looking around the dark neighborhood in view of Sarah or the dog. You could only assume that Sarah took Mercy back to the Adler’s and you  hoped to God that this time your assumption was right. 

The neighborhood felt eerie. The houses now dark and uninviting, the street lights illumining the streets yet leaving such a grim light in its wake. “Mrs. Adler?” you heard Sarah call. Closing your eyes briefly and letting a sigh of relief wash over you, you briskly walk up to the neighbor’s house. 

The door was wide open and what once felt like a welcoming atmosphere turned cold and made you more nervous and antsy to get Sarah out of there. You walked inside the house slowly engulfing yourself into the dark atmosphere. “Sarah?” you whispered softly. Despite the urgency to find the young girl, something was keeping you from yelling her name. Something felt off and you think you speaking any louder would do more harm than good. You slowly but surely walked down the hallway into the kitchen. You hear a noise indicating movement in the process.  

You paused when you saw Sarah, sighing in relief as you picked up the pace to walk up to her. “Sarah, thank G-”

The words were taken out of  your mouth as you nearly slip and fall on the kitchen floor. You grab onto Sarah for balance and the your girl grips your arm with the same vigor but for a different reason. You look down at you shoes to see what you had slipped was a long line of blood. Your slippers and Sarah’s shoes now bloodied. 

Your heart skips a beat at the crimson color. Your eyes move to follow the trail of blood to see Mr.Adler on the floor acros from the two of you. Sarah’s eyes hadn’t moved from the old man since you arrived, his chest and neck covered in blood as he whispered desperately. “Help me.”

At his sudden plead Sarah grip tightened onto you as you  instinctively use the arm that Sarah was gripping to slowly push the girl behind you  for her safety. Trying not to make any noise or sudden movements, Sarah slowly gets behind you per your request. 

The old man’s eyes flickered down briefly, indicating for the two of you to look down. You do as he implies, your heart beating inside your throat. You could hear the sound of it thumping in your ears. The two of you take a few steps forward and see none other than Mrs. Adler’s mother hunched over Mrs. Adler. 

 The room was quiet with nothing but the sound of  munching. You could feel the bile trying to come out of your throat, your breath quickening beneath your chest. Sarah gasps which causes  Nana to slowly raise her head up at the sound. Her mouth her leaving Mrs. Adler’s neck as she looks up at the two of you. 

Tendrils spew out at her mouth as she stares, wide eyed.  She stands up with a quickness you had never once seen Nana do in your life. The woman in question breathes as she looks at you with a hunger in her eyes before she screams. 

“Run!” you yell to Sarah, pushing her back as you feel the girl dragging your arm with her as she runs. Before you leave you run you catch a glimpse of Nana running after you.  The two of you sprint out the door, gasping for air in fear as you step onto the street. You turn your  head at the sound of a car speeding and the bright headlights that were coming towards the two of you. 

You keep your arms wrapped around the girl, pushing her behind you for a second time that night. “Stay close to me.” And true to your word, you can feel the young girl nod her head at your demand, getting as close as she can to you. The truck stops a few feet in front of you and you quickly realize it's no other than Tommy’s truck.

Joel gets out of the car with a quickness as he walks briskly toward you two. “Get in the truck!” he yelled. “Right now!” he demands. But you and Sarah couldn’t move. Too frightened from what you had seen just seconds before. Joel grabs the both of you with each hand and guides you to the truck. From the corner of your eye you see Tommy leaving the driver side with a rifle in his hands. 

A noise coming from within the neighbor’s homes stops you. The four of you see Nana running out, throwing herself out of the home falling to the floor. She lays still for a few seconds, causing Joel to creep slowly toward the elderly woman which causes you to grab onto his arm in fear and mutter his name quickly to get him to stop. 

There was a sound coming from the house and they all saw Nana throwing herself out of the door, falling on the patio. She lifted herself up and looked at them. “What are we doin' Joel?” you hear Tommy say, turning to see the younger brother aim the rifle toward the elderly woman as he quickly walks in front of you and Sarah. 

Before Joel could respond, Nana charges at them. Running with a force none of you could begin to comprehend. You gasped, unconsciously backing away as Sarah’s arms tightened around your waist as much as she possibly could. 

 The minute Nana got any closer, Joel gripped the wrench tightly and swung it as hard as he could. The metal slammed right against Nana’s skull, causing the woman to fall on the ground still. Joel dropped the bloodied wrench letting out a quick sigh. 

The sound of his daughter cry made him turn quickly. Sarah stepped out from behind you, releasing her firm grip from around your waist. Her hands fall to her sides as she stares at Nana. “You killed her.” 

Joel goes to her side within seconds after she says those words.  “Baby, I’m sorry. Are you both okay?” he pleads in question. Almost kneeling between the two of you. Placing one of his hands against Sarah’s cheek and the other against your waist. The two of you nodding quickly. You eyes were still looking at the now dead woman. 

“Joel we gotta go.” Tommy tells him, keeping and eye out for their surroundings. You knew this wasn’t going to be the end of it. 

“You two have to listen to me, It’s not just the Adlers.”Joel explains, his eyes flickering to both yours and Sarah’s. He cups his daughters cheeks to show any sort of comfort he could give in that moment.  “But we are gonna be brave and we’re gonna get out of this.” 

An explosion of fireworks interrupted them and Joel instinctively tugged you and Sarah closer to his body to protect you. “Joel we got to get out of here.” you said wearily, your voice betraying you with cracks and shakiness. 

“She’s right Joel, we gotta go come on.” Tommy says to the three of you. “Get in the truck come on.” Joel ushers you both to the truck. You all begin to get into the car. Tommy sliding back in the front seat and Joel ushering Sarah to backseat. 

You head to the other side of the truck to get in but Joel stops you quickly with his hand.  Your head turns to him quickly, looking down to grasp onto his arm for dear life.

 “Hey, hey look at me.” Your breathing came out at a rapid pace, you tried to calm yourself down to listen to what Joel had to say to you. “We’re going to be okay.” he says to you. No ounce of fear was present in his voice. Yet in his eyes could tell you all. His was serious in what he said. He meant it, and you wouldn't doubt that for a second. But you caught the short glimpse of fear in his eyes. And you honestly couldn’t blame him. You nodded your head rapidly,  “Yeah.” agreeing, but not truly believing. 

— — — —

Go pick up Tommy and go home. 

Go pick up Tommy and go home. That was the only thing on Joel’s to do list when he left his family a few hours ago. He thought it would be the usual late night drive to the county jail. The moon out, streets dark and the roads quiet. Mostly everyone sleep and tucked into their beds. Only a few stragglers and night shift workers on the road. Joel would play some music on the radio at low volume with the windows down. 

It was just supposed to be one of those nights. 

But when he drove to get Tommy, what he saw was something unimaginable. All he could think of is to get back home.

Once Tommy was safe, he had to get back home. He had to get to you and Sarah. To your baby. To protect to protect the three of you with all his might or die trying. But dying wouldn’t be an option. Not until he could get you both out of here. 

“You take 7-”Joel states. 

“71, I know.” Tommy says to his brother as he drives. The brothers going back and forth about which directions to take. “Daddy?” Joel turns to look at Sarah. He sees the two of you, Sarah’s head placed against your chest as two of you hold on to each other for dear life. 

Joel will get his family out of here. No matter what he needs to do. 

“We don’t know.” Joel says to his daughter. “They’re saying it’s a virus, some kind of parasite.” Tommy tells them. His eyes still on the road, driving them to what they hope can be an escape from it all.  “Is it from terrorists?” his daughter asks. 

“We don’t know.” Joel repeats firmly. This time turning his head to Tommy,his eyes stern indicating “don’t bring that shit up again”. He didn’t want Sarah to worry anymore than she needed to. If he could help it. 

You still hadn’t said anything, your eyes were wide as you looked lost in your head. Joel turns back around to help his brother keep an eye out on the road. 

“Are we sick?” The words Sarah says run through out Joel’s mind. Were they sick? Were the Adler’s? What the hell was going on and how is he going to get them out of here?

Joel’s train of thought is interrupted to the sound of your voice. “Of course not.” you mutter to her. A short sense of relief washes over the man in the passenger seat at finally hearing the sound of your voice.

 Joel looks in the rear view mirror to see you place your hand against Sarah’s head as you softly brush her hair with the palm of your hand as an attempt to reassure the young girl. 

He will get you both out of this. 

“No cellphones, no radio. Minute ago, the newsman wouldn't shut up.” Tommy mocks, sitting up to get a better view of the dark road. After a minute or so that dark road soon turned bright with an orange blaze. Joel turns his head to see a house in the middle of the field was now all on fire. 

“Holy shit.” you gasp quietly. Everyone's eyes on the burning building from the right of them. 

“God. That’s Jimmy’s place.” His younger brother says as he slows down to get a better view. They drive by the old farmhouse that would soon be burned down to nothing. Tommy accelerates the gas and the trucks move faster to get to where they need to go.

 Joel's eyes flicked up into the rear view mirror to see the two people he cared most about, cradled into each other's arms. Sarah sinking herself further into you. He could hear you whispering words of reassurance to Sarah who would nod after every one.

“We’re going to be okay.” you insist to her quietly. 

You lifted your head back into the your seat’s headrest. Joel watches you close your eyes for a brief second. Almost as if you were sending a prayer to anyone who was listening. He almost didn’t hear the soft “please” that left your lips if he wasn't watching you so attentively. His eyes flicker down to your stomach and the determination rushes through him with more vigor.

 You open yours and flickered it stare at Joel in the rear view mirror. Your eyes finding his already staring at you. her eyes closed for a brief second before opening them to see Joel staring at her through the mirror. The couple stared at each other for a few seconds. The two of them didn’t speak with words but Joel hoped to every God that was out there that you understood what his eyes was pleading at you for. 

 “I will get us out of this.”

“We are all going to get out of here.”

“I love you both and will do anything I need to, to get us safe.”

Every sentence that ran through his head, he hoped you could see the determination in his eyes. 

Joel’s eyes moved back to the front of him when he hears the sound of man asking for help. 

“Here! Right here!” Tommy slows the truck down and begins to turn off the side of the road toward the stranded family. “Whoa,what are you doing?”

“They got a kid Joel.” Tommy states.

“So do we. Keep driving.” Joel demands. 

You all could hear the sounds of the father pleading for them to stop. But Joel didn’t care, he couldn’t. His main priority was making sure his family was safe and out of this mess.

“Someone else’ll come along.” 

The truck filled with silence as Tommy kept driving. The sign of the highway popping into view causes the younger brother to speed up. Antsy to get everyone out of here. As they approached the highway they say a wave of cars in front of them. All of stuck in a traffic jam to try to get out of dodge. “Fuck! Everyone had the same fucking idea.” Tommy exclaimed

Joel curses to himself as he quickly shakes his head. “Take the field. We cut across and pick up on the west side.” 

Tommy nods at Joel’s idea, muttering the direction he needed to go. Tommy turns the car to head into the field. Over the hill of the field the family of four were met with bright headlights in the far distance. “Shit! Fucking Army!” Tommy curses

“Ins’t that good?” Sarah questions her uncle, leaning more to see what’s in front of them. The younger brother shook his head, “For them, that’s the highway we’re trying to get to.”

Joel didn’t know what to do. He just knew he had to just be one step ahead. Keeping thinking about new ideas, new ways, new directions to bring them to safety. “Go North.” 

Tommy starts to protest but Joel quickly interrupts him. “We can’t go south, we can’t go east, we can’t go west. Where else are we supposed to go? Tommy, move!”

Tommy pulls the truck to head north. Joel feels like this is their best option. Their only option to get out of here. And he just hoped that they were gonna be able to find somewhere out of it. 

“What if it's everywhere?” Sarah says to everyone. Joel can feel Tommy’s stare against the side of his face. He hears you give Sarah a few comforting “shhs” but never a response. Because the truth was, no one knew that answer. And none of them thought that Texas was the only place this was happening in.

“What the fuck?!?” Tommy exclaims at the sound of  loud plane that was flying way too low near a city to be legal as it passed the truck. The family headed into a town where the streets where filled with people. So many people screaming and in disarray making it hard for Tommy to drive. “Tommy you can’t stop hear.” Joel states.

Frustrated Tommy turns to his brother, “I can’t drive through them all!” 

The two brothers going back and forth about where to go. Ever so often Joel looks back between his two girls who were looking everywhere outside the vehicle. He turns back to the front to help Tommy with trying to get away out. “We gotta keep moving.” 

“Dad?!?” Sarah says loudly to get his attention. 

“Holy fuck!” You say at the same time. 

Joel turns to see what the two of you are freaked out about. There was a plane coming down, heading right towards them. And before they could do much about it, the plane crashes behind them causing an explosion to hit their truck. 

— — — —

The muffled sound of a car alarm going off brings you back into conscious. Slowly you turn your head to the sound of it. You feel something, or someone grasping your leg, tapping it a few times in attempt to wake you up. 

“Baby, Come on darlin’ you gotta get up.” Joel pleads. 

You can hear him but he feels so far away. You groan as you open your eyes, blinking a few times to see Joel hovering over you. His arm was scratched, and he was bleeding. The blood on his arm brought you back to reality. 

The plane falling down. The explosion. The car crashing.

Your eyes go wide as you turn your body to Joel and Sarah. “you okay?”. The young girl in the cuddled into Joel's arms. Before you can get a response you feel Tommy grabbing your shoulders, slowly pulling you out of the wrecked car. The side of your stomach started to cramp up.

You groan as your feet plant to the floor. Your head hurts, feels like your eye was going to fall out of your socket. “You okay sis?” Tommy says to you once you're balanced. Looking down at you to check for any major injuries. Your head felt like it was going to explode. The side of it felt wet. You went to reach it but Tommy stops your hand. “Better not touch it, it’ll hurt more.” Tommy says to you.  “Joel and Sarah.”  you mutter out

 “We gotta get off the street.” Tommy says loudy for Joel to hear. You wince at the volume. And out of nowhere a cop car comes speeding down. Slamming itself right into what once was Joel’s truck. Tommy pushes you behind him but the impact causes you both to fall a bit. 

“Tommy?!? Baby?!?” Joel calls for you and his brother. Tommy helps you get up for the second time and heads closer to the car to get a better view at Joel. His head appeared in gap between the cars on fire. “Head to the river! I’ll find a way, and we’ll see you there.” Tommy says determined. 

“Baby.” Joel says but you interrupt him. 

“Get her out of here Joel, I’ll be okay.” 

And that's the last thing you say to each other as you part ways. Tommy tugs on the bottom of your shirt to get your attention. “Let's go, stay behind me and stay close.” You nod you head quickly. Tommy grabs your hand to place it on the belt loop of his jeans for you to keep up your pace with his. You’re grateful for his attentiveness.

The two of you go down the street of  the destructed town. With Tommy’s rifle raised in defense he walks quickly as he turns to the left. You simply keep you grip tight on the belt loop and walk as best and as fast as you can with how tired and dizzy you felt. Your hand placed against your stomach in an attempt of comfort. 

With everything going on you had almost forgot about the being inside of you. Your mind elsewhere worried about what the hell was happening. But now as Tommy walks through the street and try to get you both to the river to meet up with Tommy. The worst fear that could always keep you up at night creeps into your head. 

Please let the baby be okay. 

Please let Joel and Sarah make it to the river. 

People are still screaming and wandering, which causes you to look around in fear. Your train of thought is interrupted by Tommy. He stops in front of you, causing you to walk into the back of his shoulder. He turns to you, “Hey, you’re okay. We aren’t far, just a few more blocks.” He waits to you nod your head again, not wanting to trust your voice. 

Tommy grips his hands on the rifle and keeps walking. You follow behind attentively but a piece of debris causes you to trip and your hand releases from Tommy’s jeans. 

It only took a matter of seconds. Just seconds. 

In a blink of an eye, Tommy takes a few more steps ahead of you. He quickly stops at the sudden change of weight from your hand being gone. You watch him turn around and call out your name to come to him. 

It all felt in slow motion. Watching Tommy call your name. Seeing the steps he made to get back to you. You head feeling so heavy that you could just sleep on the dirty floor. But you persisted. You took one step and were just inches way from Tommy. But the sound of a car screeching got the attention of you both. The sedan coming toward the two of you at a fast speed. So fast the two of you didn’t comprehend it quick enough. Pieces of debris get sent underneath the car and in just one second, it swerves in disarray and head straight for you. 

The last thing you hear is Tommy calling your name. 

And the last thing you see, is the bright white headlights before it hits you. 

— — — — —

Author’s note: Holy shit this chapter was a bitch to write. I was so nervous to write this because of how close to canon this is. I’m not very good at action writing so I hope this is okay! Its not edited at all take that for what you will. I honestly hate most of it so if I do try to edit it I might scrap the whole thing. 

Chapters 1-3 were already “pre-written” or just had some substance of words since March so it was “easy” to get these out. BUT I have nothing pre-written after that so updates might be more sporadic. And honestly, Outbreak Day took a lot out of me so I might not write in this fic for a while but who knows?

Very long note but THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!! IT MEANS THE WORLD TO SEE YOUR REBLOGS AND COMMENTS AND LIKES. SO DON’T HESITATE TO

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