#(OOOO BOY THIS IS LONG KJDFSB)

[ahsterism-a]

RICKY BOWEN META - EPISODE NINE 

okay, i have a Lot of thoughts about everything that happened in this episode, and i really need to get it out of my system, so i figured i’d compile a bunch of analysis all into one post. i’m gonna try and organize this into specific categories. 

RICKY & HIS PARENTS

Ricky knew that his mom and his dad were both coming to see the show in advance: he was prepared for this. He was nervous before the show started, obviously shown by how he shows up really early due to “opening night jitters,” which is a combination of never having done a musical before ( because he’s grown to really love being apart of it, he enjoys having somewhere to go after school and finding a family among everyone ), and specifically his mom’s presence ( “It’s just a lot. My mom’s coming tonight, and I’ve technically never been in a musical before ). He’s happy that his mom will be there, but it’s still hard because he misses her, and wants things to be normal. And then when Ricky peeks out from behind the stage and sees his parents, sees them HUG, he grins. He knows that parents split up, knows that these kinds of things happen, but remember he was convinced that they’d work it out. And in addition, he has a hard time dealing with change, so when he sees his parents looking happy together, it feels right. He doesn’t think things are fixed, but they’re together and happy for a moment, and it means the world to him. He doesn’t have to miss his mom for a night, doesn’t have to worry about any of that. 

So he performs, and despite a few technical issues, it’s going pretty great. Until Get’cha Head In The Game. Throughout the entire performance, he’s giving it his all, singing and dancing and smiling-- it’s evident how much EFFORT he’s put into the show ( especially compared to his dancing at the beginning ). And then he’s in the air, glances towards where his parents are sitting...and freezes. Because someone he doesn’t know walks in, and that someone puts an arm around his mom and kisses her on the cheek, and she’s pointing up at him, and he realizes it’s Todd. He already knew his mom had a new boyfriend, even talked to her about it when he called on Thanksgiving night, but in that moment, Ricky is RIPPED right out of his safe space. He’s already had an incredibly hard time adjusting to the divorce, it’s only been about three weeks since she moved out, and he didn’t even get a warning about this beforehand. It’s overwhelming-- he drops the basketball, he tenses, he can’t easily shake this. But he keeps going the best he can, even though he completely loses his sense of what he’s doing, is too wrapped up in suddenly being dragged right back into all his issues in the middle of doing something he’s come to love. 

It boils down to his issues with handling change and the divorce. He gets that his mom is moving on, but it’s too much too soon. He’s hurt, he’s angry, and he’s shaken. 

THE EFFECT THIS HAD ON HIM/GIVING UP HIS ROLE

The second Ricky goes backstage, he asks where Nini is, says he could really use a pep talk. We already knows it’s easiest for him to talk to Nini about these kinds of things, because he says it in episode 4. He’s shaking, seeking comfort. But then Carlos tells him Nini seems nervous, and Ricky IMMEDIATELY pushes aside his own problems to express concern for her. He’s done this with multiple characters a few times-- he’s naturally selfless, and deals with his problems essentially by not dealing with them. He hears about the dean of the art school in the audience, and he quickly realizes that this could change Nini’s life. And Ricky is screwing it up: “My mom’s new boyfriend decided to show up, and I wanna punch a wall. I feel like I need a miracle to face Act Two.” He believes he CAN’T do act two well after this-- he doesn’t think he’s GOOD ENOUGH, especially after all of that, and knows he can’t mess this up for Nini. 

So even though he’s still shaken and hurt and pretty much on the verge of tears, he goes right to E.J., and immediately tells him he has to play Troy. He outright says it: “No, I’m good, just not good enough to help Nini get where she wants to go...I’m screwing up out there! I can’t blow this for Nini.” Again, remember how much EFFORT Ricky put into this show, remember how he found a family with it, and after he messes up, he immediately GIVES THAT UP to give Nini a better shot. It repeats again that he’s selfless, and isn’t confident that he can go on like this, practically demanding that E.J. takes his place. 

He’s nowhere to be found in the preview, but once he isolates himself from the show, for my portrayal it absolutely hits him hard, and the breakdown hinted at goes into full swing. 

RICKY & HIS FEELINGS TOWARDS NINI 

Ricky is still in love with Nini. This is pretty much undeniable at this point. He starts the episode off by showing Big Red a song that he wrote for her. He took time out of his day when he was already nervous about the show to write her a song for opening night, one where he USES the word love. This is incredibly important for Ricky’s character. He went from not being able to say it, freaking out after seeing the post ( reasonably so ), and asking to take a pause, to saying it clearly in Just For A Moment. This isn’t to say he isn’t scared anymore, because he is, he’s still afraid that love means falling apart, still grappling with intimacy issues that stem from his life at home, but when he didn’t say it, they still fell apart. He misses her, not only as a girlfriend, but as his best friend, and so many things he does throughout the season prove how much he cares for her. 

But then they have that conversation in the hallway, and Ricky immediately assumes that she’s going to reject him. Why wouldn’t she? After he almost kissed her in episode 4, she pulled away, and even though she initiated this time, why would it be different? Even though he thought that almost kiss meant something, the second Nini brings it up, he immediately assumes it’ll be another rejection, and brushes it off. He doesn’t want to pressure Nini even further, but in doing so, he causes her to think he’s rejecting her, and it’s just a whole mess of miscommunication. But he couldn’t help it, he still thinks she doesn’t feel the same anymore. 

And then there’s what he does for her at the end, which I already talked about, but again, it shows just how much he cares about her. 

RICKY & HIS CONVERSATION WITH/FEELINGS TOWARDS GINA 

There are a lot of interpretations of this scene and Ricky’s dialogue, and I’m going to preface this by saying I am completely impartial to ships. What I want to do here is accurately analyze Ricky’s headspace at THIS POINT IN TIME. I love their friendship so much, and I’m here for slowburn romance, but currently in the show, he’s confused at best, and absolutely not there yet. 

For starters, Ricky has a reason to be acting as weird as he does. He’s staying closed off because he knows Gina is going to leave again. He knows she can’t stay for long, and doesn’t want to get attached to her being there when he’s just going to lose that again. That’s why he says it’s tough seeing Gina. It’s only been about a week, but he doesn’t want to make things worse for when she’s gone forever. 

And then, there are his feelings towards Gina as a whole. With the absence of Nini in his life, Ricky needed someone around that understood him, needed a friend that could get his complications and fill a missing piece. This isn’t to say that Gina was a rebound, because she ISN’T-- Ricky genuinely cares for her. But in Nini’s absence, he assumes that this sudden connection with Gina means he might have feelings for her. She makes him happy and he enjoys spending time with her, but it isn’t love, at least not at this point in time. Remember Ricky’s struggle with the word love-- hell, he’s known Nini since kindergarten and he still couldn’t say it. He doesn’t operate that fast, and given his feelings for Nini are still there, he doesn’t do a complete 180 with Gina. Still, Ricky thinks he might like Gina romantically, and I’m not saying he can’t, but right now, he was confused. 

Gina moves away, and Ricky is hurt-- he’s dealing with his parents separating and losing a friendship he valued and his mom’s new boyfriend, but amidst this, he and Nini were able to connect again, and the feelings that Ricky got confused and started to project were brought back to their original source. He’s also confused when Gina returns, because he thought he  might have had feelings for her, but he’s not sure if that’s really the case. He says “I’m not who I was a week ago,” because then, he was misinterpreting his own feelings. And then he says “Or maybe I’m just back to who I always was” NOT AS A REGRESSION OF HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, but to establish to the audience that he’s realizing his feelings for Nini never really left. His character development isn’t going backwards, and he and Nini don’t regress one another ( would episode 1 Ricky write a song using the word love and be devoted to performing in a musical? ). They’re just having trouble with communication, which is completely normal for teenagers. 

Also, remember that Ricky clings to normalcy. His life has told him over and over that change is negative, he doesn’t know how to handle it. Of course this all going to confuse him-- he’s a teenage boy dealing with a lot even outside of romantic feelings. The potential to like Gina is there, but his feelings for Nini are still genuine, and that doesn’t mean he’s going backwards. If he does have genuine feelings for Gina, he’d suppress them, both because she’s leaving and he still loves Nini. There’s nothing stopping him from having complicated feelings towards multiple people, that’s completely normal. Currently, his headspace is in a state where he is still in love with Nini and confused at best about Gina-- there’s still potential there, but the important thing is understanding the characters beneath the pairings and where they are now.