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bloodyjuls-blog · 11 months ago

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Im gonna fight for both of us

So here we go with part 4, sorry it takes me too long but I'm working and hate work haha...

When Alexia entered the hospital she had no idea what she would find there, in one hand, she could find y/n awake but with some tiny injuries (it was what she wished) but what she found was a nurse informing her that they needed someone to give consent to perform an emergency surgery because y/n's accident is a serious life threatening emergency and Alexia knew well, the only person who could do that was your sister, she had the obligation to call her and inform her, she didn't bother to call your parents because she knew that you were not the most beloved daughter in that family, moreover, she knew that they wouldn't even miss you if you died, because she heard many conversations with them in which they clearly told you that you were a failure.

While Lilah, your sister, gave the authorization over the phone, the doctors explained to Alexia what had happened to y/n. First, when they arrived at the hospital y/n went into cardiac arrest due to the impact, then doing a general sweep they found cervical and spinal injuries that compromise her mobility, hence the emergency surgery. What worries them the most is the injury of her brain, apparently it has a severe inflammation and they are concerned that when she wakes up (if she does) she will have compromised her cognitive functions such as speaking, moving, remembering things, most likely she will have memory loss.

When her sister arrived at the hospital she was furious, how was it possible that y/n was drinking again and doing these things as irresponsible. Alexia got angry and said a few things to her.

"Look, I don't think that looking for blames is the solution, what I think is that we should support each other without blaming in favor of y/n not dying, because I swear that if she dies I am going with her, you don't understand the things she was going through, and being honest neither did I, and if looking for blames then blame me because I was the one insisting" Alexia said. "Insist on what, what did you say Alexia" says y/n's sister "I insisted so much on the idea of starting a family, having children, that without those things I couldn't continue with her, that all this time was lost, but I swear it's not like that, it hurts me a lot to know that probably the only thing she heard from me was that while she's always being the loveliest person she is told me that for her the family was me and she didn't need children while she was with me, you don't know how much I regret it." Says Alexia crying and Lilah just approached and hugged her. At the end of the day their relationship is very close. "Ale calm down a little and come let's sit down, I think I understand why y/n is like this with the family thing and maybe when y/n wakes up it will kill me because it's something she didn't want you to know" lilah says calmly. They settled into the waiting room chairs.

"Since she was very little, my sister has always been the black sheep, the daughter that nobody wanted, the girl that when she had the opportunity to left home she did and never came back, you know Alexia when my sister left I was very sad but as an older sister I always saw the mistreatment and never said anything, she stopped going to so many events, so many Christmas reunions, so many birthdays or things like that because she simply knew that they didn't want her, they didn't show it love of support, the only thing that accompanied her in her gray days and well not so gray, was her bottle of whiskey, what can you ask from a teenager who has social pressure for what she does and no support or family that can tuck her in and tell her that everything will be okay" says the sister between soft tears. "I didn't know that, I thought that since she was also getting along with you..." Ale said remembering the phone calls from your parents.

"Of course Ale, you more than anyone knows that she is not one of those people who scream her problems and plead for help, she didn't want you to see her as something weird, that's why she gets along so well with your family, she found love in you, to feel loved, tucked in by someone, valued, no matter what and luckily your family is just like you, if you see the relationship my parents have with me and have with her you would surely get angry because you and I know what is y/n and how important it is to have her in our lives, Ale I'm not going to lie to you, a while ago I also thought that my sister wanted to be a mother because you know mate, look at how she treats the children, they have a very special relationship, very nice, she is a pure soul, but all her life she has seen examples of how not to be parents, how my mother ignored her and her things, Alexia the fact that my parents are not here is not new, when that 17 year old girl in her peak career broke her cruciate ligament, nobody was there for her, not even to give her a bottle of water, and because of that and more things is that y/n is super strong and every thing she sets in her mind to do she achieves it. For many years it was just her against the world and she has lived many blows without saying a word, so if she gets out of here you will understand that it will be very difficult, she will need a lot of support because according to what I have been told, her injuries are serious, probably the only thing that keeps her alive is football and she won't can do that anymore" says Lilah calmer. "I swear Lilah when y/n gets out of here things will be different, I would have liked to have this same talk but with her and avoid this bump in our road but life gives some people a lot and others very little, I swear I will be in her way as long as she lets me, that girl deserves nothing but good things and I believe that all the people she has given her love have let her down in a certain way, but just like you, I also want to do well, did you know that at home I have the ring to propose to her? I swear that without it I can't live" says Alexia more calm and confident. "I'm glad to hear that Ale, you two do each other good, please don't lose that, you're all would be miserable for life and that's not what you're all deserve." Lilah said as she gave Alexia a hug.

Hours later

"Relatives of y/n y/l" says the receptionist on the OR floor. "We are" say Lilah and Alexia at the same time. "The doctor is cleaning up but he's on his way here to report his relative" says the girl stoically. "Thank you very much" they both say in unison.

Once in the study room with the doctor....

"Well, I must say that it was a very complicated surgery because we found internal injuries that we couldn't see in the x-ray and that compromised her health, I am not lying when I say that she went into cardiac arrest at least three times and that worries us a lot because it means that her heart is weak. About her cervical injuries I am afraid that only when she wakes up we will be able to know if she has sensitivity in her legs and if she will be able to walk again, but I must admit that because of the blows her spinal cord has been affected, I want to be very realistic with you, if we manage to have a satisfactory recovery it will be very difficult for her to return to her profession, because the high impact can cause definitive injuries, now my colleagues are monitoring her brain signals because in the resonance we saw very few but we can guarantee that there is no brain death, but any sequels will be determined once she wakes up, at the moment she is not in coma but she was not awake either, we have implemented a method of sedation a little strong but I insist she is not in coma, so now later when the entrance to her relatives is authorized you're all can talk to her, in this state she can listen hope so. Of course, the view that you are going to find is very strong, because she is connected to many tubes and intravenous lines, also her external injuries are a little strong and her foot has an external fixator because there was a fracture of the tibia and fibula". Says the doctor super calm but forceful.

"thank you very much doctor, the fact that she is still alive is because of your effort, let's hope that the evolution is positive, sure it is" says Lilah calm and Alexia super scared because she doesn't understand anything. "Well Ale, y/n is not well and there are strong changes coming in her life and the only thing we have left to do is be by her side to make it as bearable as possible, I am not so much worried about her physical injuries but mental then we must make sure that when she gets out of here she gets psychological attention, and have faith that she will get out of this because she is a super strong person, she always has been and this will be just a very fat bump for her, are you ready to see her" Lilah says optimistic. "I don't know, I just know that if I will always be even if she doesn't want me to, it will be hard for me to see her like this but that's okay" Alexia says forcefully. Alexia's phone starts ringing, it's Ana and Leah on joint call.

"Hi girls."

"Hi Alexia, what happened to y/n, did you find her" says Ana worried.

"Girls, y/n was involved in an accident and it's serious" says Alexia with her voice cracking remembering the anguish experienced a few hours ago.

"How???? What do you mean accident and serious????, my goodness" says Leah in dismay.

"Yes girls, apparently her car overturned at high speed on Tibidabo and her injuries are serious, she probably won't be able to play football anymore" "if you want to come I'm sure y/n would really appreciate it" says Ale sadly.

"I'm already looking at flights to Barcelona, I just can't believe it, what a downer girls, I'm so sad" says Leah in tears.

"Ale tells me which hospital you are, I'm on my way" says Ana in a hurry.

"We are in the one near Tibidabo" "now I'm sending you the location, I'm going to hang up, I'm going to go in to see my baby" and Alexia hung up.

Before entering the room Alexia calls the team managers to discuss what happened and they tell her not to worry that everything is going to be fine and that she can take all the time in the world to be with y/n.

Lilah takes Alexia's hand and asks her if she is ready to go in to which Ale nods not so sure....

When they enter the first thing they see is y/n lying on the bed with many tubes everywhere, one coming out of her mouth, IV in her arms, one in her leg and the fixator in her ankle adding the bandage on her head (because nothing can be seen from her spine but that's where her surgery was) a tube coming out of her side, Alexia's heart breaks in little pieces to see her like this, the love of her life lying on a bed fighting for her life....

"Ale, talk to her and hold her hand, so she could feel you are here, with her, while I go make some calls" "Ok" alexia says.

"Hello my love, I know that the last time I spoke to you I didn't say very nice things but I want you to know that they're not true, I was very angry with you, it is that you are a stubborn honey, why don't you tell me your things, my life you are going to be very well. You are going to recover and although everything will be very different I am going to be with your sister and you all the way, you are going to be well, healthy, strong and laughing at life as always, I am sad to see you like this, I don't like to see that you are having a bad time, I only ask you to fight and stay here with me, don't go without me, I love you so much, all the girls are worried, even Leah is coming from London later and Ana is on her way, I'm sure that when they see me they will want to tear my head off for being stubborn, and you should know that I don't mind not having children but as long as I have you, nothing happens. .. We will buy the little house on the beach that we want so much and we will be very happy my love, I cannot do without you, you are my life, you have always been my life, I love you, very much and I will not leave here and go home without you. I love you too much, you can't imagine how much..." Alexia says through tears as she comes over and gives you a little kiss on your uninjured cheek. She arranges the chair next to you and doesn't let go of your hand, trying to give you some human warmth in that cold room. And she falls asleep for a while to the sound of the monitors lulling her to sleep.

#woso #fc barcelona femeni #lionesses #fcb femeni #woso x reader #woso imagines #alexia putellas x reader #leah williamson imagine #alexia putellas one shot #alexia putellas imagine #leah williamson x reader

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aspd-culture · 1 year ago

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aspd and adhd(/possible autism) culture is realizing only once you're out of high school "ohhhhhhh wait, so i thought i wasn't abused growing up, but actually i was and it only stopped due to covid, and that resulted in my osdd system and aspd?"

buckle up, this is Long and definitely classifies as a Vent. honestly, you can ignore the middle section and jump to the next blank line of space if you want.

jesus christ. i was punished more harshly than my peers, i struggled to make friends, i was put into a little school program where board games were used to reinforce good behavior in problem kids which i only realized two months ago, my memory issues (which were always there, but only noticed in fifth grade) got me into so much shit with every authority figure ever, i broke a window using one of those mechanical hamster things that were popular at the time by accident but i didn't care at all, that's just scratching the surface

memories of things have been coming back to me lately. according to my mom i was such a nice little kid, always shared and was polite and highly empathetic, all the goods.

school came along, flipped everything on its head. i remember harassing and hurting animals, and people, and sometimes telling those people not to tell—not because i felt bad but because i didn't want to get into trouble again, it was an inconvenience. my home life was pretty good but other kids left me out of things a lot and sometimes called me names, even the neighbors' kids i liked to hang out with would make me the monster of their games and that does something to a kid (one of them is also the reason i'm a victim of cocsa). when i did something wrong or bad there was only punishment because i "should know not to do that" and so i had to teach myself how to be a functioning and good member of society. i got good at lying towards the end of third grade, the skill got better from there with every punishment i faced

when a former friend told me "hey, you have aspd traits/might have aspd" i went and found the checklist, because thorough research is how i work, went through it. at the time i didn't think it fit very well because "yes, i experience that but that's pretty normal for people, i learned how to manage it under several layers of creating a socially acceptable person just like everyone else"

i've gone back to it a couple times since and wow, surprise surprise, everything applies! the "this doesn't apply to me because i have a system to help with this thing" mindset means the thing still applies! there's some stuff, namely the destruction and truancy, that i didn't do but that's solely because i knew i couldn't get away with it and therefore didn't bother trying. so thanks to aaaaaaall that stuff and more, i definitely grew up with both conduct disorder and odd, and now it's aspd

i can't say i'm mad about having aspd? it causes problems in my life, yes, but i've spent so long wrangling myself into a form small enough to fit into society's box that it's not the worst thing anymore. i think i'm more mad at society, my peers, for not helping me with this and being kind where they should've, especially my mom as of recently

that said: it is fucking hard-wired into me that there's only good people and bad people in the world. harmful behavior towards me (or someone else doing something i can't forgive) is automatically met with hammurabi's eye for an eye. the coping mechanisms i use work very well, are generally healthy, and people who don't do anything to calm themselves down and think rationally tend to piss me off. i have been fighting those things for a while but they're the ones that simply won't go away. hamburger help me.

aspd-culture-is

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

Plain text below the cut:

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

#aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually aspd #aspd #aspd awareness #actually antisocial #antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #anons welcome #tw sa mention #tw abuse mention

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artisimpossible · 11 months ago

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I just saw a post saying something like "it's not that you hate your job, it's that if you make one mistake, you could literally die because you have no safety net if you get fired"

And like, yeah. It's debilitating to not even be able to send an email without fear of a typo getting you fired. It's terrifying to know that going to a meeting and saying the wrong thing could mean the end of your health insurance or the inability to pay your rent.

And I really want to contextualize this in regards to authors because most of y'all think we aren't workers, but we don't even have to *get* fired. We essentially get hired *per project*, so it's not just that we can't make a mistake, it's that we have to be exceptional at every turn because every single paycheck requires a whole new job interview process with thousands of other people competing for the same job.

If you post on social media too much and say something that people don't like? You might be too much of a risk to offer on. If you don't post enough and fail to amass a following? You might be too much of a risk to offer on. If you put out a book that did poorly because your previous publisher didn't market it? You might be too much of a risk to offer on. If you put out a book yourself and it got review bombed because readers saw a couple typoes and decided that meant you didn't even bother to edit it? Prepare to be denied work for the rest of your foreseeable career.

And literally everything is marked against us in the eyes of publishers. Publishers have rejected authors because they didn't have enough support on social media, but have ALSO rejected authors who posted too much about their WIPs on socials because that meant the stories weren't "new" enough anymore. People have been rejected for self-publishing but ALSO for not having enough publishing credits. People get rejected for writing too niche but ALSO for writing too generic. We can spend years working on a bunch of projects just to get paid for none of them if editors "just don't connect with the story enough", and now we're back on the job hunt because bills are due.

So the next time you see an author being "cringe" on social media or don't understand why an author didn't answer your email or are annoyed an author self-published or that your favorite author took three years to release their next book, please offer a little grace. You're looking at workers who are overworked and underpaid with 0 job security constantly receiving contradictory information on our job performance while expected to balance all of that stress for the public eye. Please understand that even if we got "the dream job", we're still working people with jobs trying to make a living (usually for less than minimum wage), so please just be kind and approach us the way you would other working class people instead of treating us like corporations hiding behind multi-million dollar PR teams.

#author #writing #publishing

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jeweled-blue-eyes · 1 year ago

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I find it quite strange that you say that Siyeon and Eckles' age difference is creepy, when you shipped them a lot before, even if Siyeon had owner behaviors you didn't care. What happened? Just because they didn't stay together were you able to take off the blindfold? Because, be honest with you, if they had stayed together in that toxic relationship you wouldn't be attacking the characters so much right now.

I shipped Cha Siyeon and Iklies two years ago. Back then I was still young and the implications of abuse were much more subtile and harder to pick up on as not many chapters had been translated. At that time Iklies had been presented as Cha Siyeon's only safe route, ergo everything was much more toned down otherwise the plot twist wouldn't have come as a surprise. Naively I had assumed that Iklies and Penelope would end up together and raise a rebellion together freeing the other slaves. I wasn't familiar with the problematic portrayal of slavery and colonialism that seems to be so widespread in isekai as I had not consumed many manhwas yet.

You seem to be under the assumption that liking a character = endorsing the actions of said characters and shipping a ship = wanting such relationship irl. You are wrong. Even if Callisto committed genocide and Penelope is a groomer I'm not going to come into your ask box and demand you to stop shipping them or start a bullying campaign by writing out a callout post against you. I'm of the opinion that anyone should be allowed to ship whatever they like as long as it's fiction.

But does that mean that no one is allowed to share their criticism of characters with each other? Does that make it okay to shut down the voices of those, especially poc readers, who find the implications of the author chosing to despict the colonizer with aryan features as a hero and the indigenous boy who had witnessed the genocide and enslavement of his nation by said man's hands as a villain deeply uncomfortable? I don't think so. Specifically because it's so frowned down upon to point out the flaws of the fandom faves we have readers who say with their full chest that Iklies betrayed Penelope (slaves cannot betray their master), Delman deserved to be subjected to the genocide because some of them plundered at the borders (did the women and children plunder too?) and the slaves deserved to remain in bondage because they dared to rebel against their masters and it would make Callisto look bad in front of his citizen to free them (uhm what the fuck???).

Let's keep things civil, shall we? If these discussions bother you and you can't contribute without feeling the need to resort to insults and passive-aggressiveness, feel free to block the tag anti Cha Siyeon and anti Callisto Regulus or even block this blog alltogether. I'm surprised that you didn't do this already. I, as an Iklies stan, don't even have the luxury of blocking the anti Iklies tag as such consideration isn't shown by diehard Callisto stans who loved crosstagging their hate into the character tag.

Anyways as for the age gap thing. I'm generally not an age gap kind of gal unless it's under very specific circumstances where the narrative aknowledges the fucked up-ness ⬇️

I bought the physical copy of vadd this summer, saw the ages and went "hey wait". Sometimes you don't notice everything at once. And I'm not all knowing. I didn't know about South Korean laws on statuatory rape when I was younger. It's also not only the age gap that was an issue but the sum of all things together.

Now the last sentence is very funny. "if they had stayed together in that toxic relationship you wouldn't be attacking the characters so much right now." Anyone who follows me knows that this assumption is false. I'm happy to inform you that I ship lots of dark and fucked up ships and I love to point out and analyze in what ways they are toxic to each other. For example Nai and Vash? I literally call Nai an eco fascist and wrote an entire essay how it is doubtful that Nai even loves Vash. I called episode 11 and 12 a rape allegory. It's the Vashwood/Plantcest antis that are in deep denial that Trigun features incestuous abuse and not the Plantcest shippers who will happily explain the layers of trauma caused by Nai that Vash carries within him.

I ship Derrick x og Penelope but do you see me woobyfying him or wishing they had ended up together and being mad that they didn't? Heck no. If anything I'm mad that he got away with everything and Cha Siyeon even lets him hang around her daughter. My ideal ending is Penelope shooting with her crossbow at him and setting the mansion on fire. If it's true that he fell in love with 12 y/o Penelope at first sight that would make him a pedophile. I'm being honest. Someone needs to talk about these things because I don't think that even the author was fully aware of this.

#notanon #answered asks #hate mail

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doberbutts · 2 years ago

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I wonder if the hate watch/follow/read stuff is largely based in the internet idea of "you [general] like x y z person/book/show/character that's "bad/problematic/cringe" so that means YOU [general] are "bad/problematic/cringe.""

Where the person claiming to hate whatever it is or only watch/read/follow ironically genuinely does actually enjoy it but doesn't want to be lumped into the potential negative perception. More of a cover your ass situation in case the mob comes out than genuinely disliking something while continuing to consume it.

I'm sure a good chunk of it is just enjoying the drama, but I do wonder if a lot of it is just claiming you hate something for deniability. Considering the internet seems incapable of distinguishing liking an artist's work, a character, etc while still condemning their actions/morals/the subject.

I'm sure some of it's complicated purity feelings stuff but it's still weird to me. Maybe I am too neurodivergent to understand doing this.

Like. Initially when the new terfwizards game was announced, I was skeptical but interested in pirating or buying secondhand when it would no longer give any money to the author in question- a way to enjoy the work without giving money to the person who wants me dead. Paying some kid on craigslist a couple bucks when he got bored running around hogwarts sounded like a fair deal. Then when the plot leaked I went "lol nevermind" and that was that. I'm not tempted to watch playthroughs of it or really anything else, even out of spite. It sounds bad, so I'm not interested. I'm not going to watch someone stream it just so I can confirm that I was right to hate it. It's Blood Libel Simulator coming from Queen TERF and her mega right wing dev team, I have enough information to make an educated guess that I will dislike it on principal.

Same with the new Velma show. It sounded like a stupid idea to make a Scooby show without, you know, Scooby so even though I would have been interested in a 3/4 cast of color Scooby Doo, I didn't watch. And now I'm hearing all sorts of stupid shit about it and, yeah, that's why I didn't watch it. I knew I wouldn't like it so I didn't bother. I'm not going to make myself suffer through something I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like.

Anyway that post was because there's someone in the fandom tags doing a bizarrely antagonistic reading of the Witcher books and basically bad-faithing everything so when I looked at their blog I just see them doing it in fandom after fandom and I'm kinda like. Okay you clearly aren't a big fan of this style of fantasy so why are you continuing to read these types of books? Go read what you want to read since this clearly isn't your thing.

Like I'm not saying any of these things don't have their flaws. Even the media I do like and engage with has its flaws. But! To me it's different to clearly *like something* yet still want it to be different because you feel it would be better that way, which is honest criticism, vs a continued barrage of "man why did I even bother I knew I'd hate this". If I know I'll hate something I just don't engage with it! Easy peasy.

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shivunin · 2 years ago

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OOOOH for the NPC ask...

I'd say Sandal for Arianwen, the Viscount for Maria, and Fiona for whomever (or how many) of your Lavellans you feel like would have the most to say about her! :3

OOOH thanks for asking, Arja!

(NPC ask game)

Arianwen loves Sandal. She likes Sandal and Bodahn first of all the people in Origins, initially because she doesn't really want to hang around with any of the humans and later because they make more sense to her than the others. Wen doesn't really want to talk, so the pair of them are great company, and there's a certain straightforwardness element to discussions with Sandal that she finds comforting (the more complex and layered conversation gets, the more likely Wen is to pull a knife in general; in Orzammar, for example, she can never quite shake the idea that everyone there is laughing at her). She never has to worry if there are hidden layers to what he's saying or wonder if he's trying to trick her into something (which is half the reason she keeps her guard up with everyone else). Wen brings Sandal magically interesting substances to tinker with, not expecting anything in return, and he never asks her any prying questions about why she's strange or unhappy. When she's upset and wants company, she still sits by their fire sometimes even late in the events of the game and the others know better than to bother her. So: in short, they are good friends.

Maria has never been a huge fan of authority in general and she has a very low opinion of the Viscount's ability to actually govern Kirkwall. Though she has a lot of sympathy for Saemus's death, the Viscount's dogged insistence on her dragging his son back did not endear him to her immediately previous. Obviously, she wasn't a fan of his head being bowled at her with velocity, but (aside from the resulting power vacuum) she didn't shed any tears over his death.

Oooh, so. I don't think we get a ton of information about Fiona exclusively within the context of Inquisition (I know she appears in one of the side novels or comics?) so based entirely on the interactions with her as the representative of the rebel mages:

Emma kept it professional, but had a lot of private thoughts about how someone could ever trust a Tevene force to help their people with no strings attached, even before the magical coercion. I think she treated with Fiona as a fellow leader and didn't delve very deeply into her personality or past.

Salshira would talk with Fiona somewhat frequently about the Wardens and to ask how the mages at Skyhold were keeping. Salshira loves a good story and Fiona has plenty.

Elowen talked to Fiona maybe an unhealthy amount. Her greatest fear is that she is a bad leader, so I think there was sort of a morbid fascination to understanding how Fiona ended up where she did and why. After every single one, she would wander the library level trying to decide if she did the right thing by allying with the mages and weighing her choices over and over to try to determine whether she was walking down the same path. Eventually, Fiona gently refused to answer any more questions about it and (after avoiding the library for a week, to Dorian's consternation) Elowen finally decided to talk to her about something else. So I think a lot of her feelings about Fiona are tied up in her own fears about herself, but she ultimately winds up having a lot more compassion for Fiona's choices than the others.

#thanks for asking! i had to think a bit for that last one #arianwen tabris #maria hawke #elowen lavellan #emmaera lavellan #salshira lavellan #oc ask game #oc ask response #i have heard that fiona is actually really cool when you get more information about her but aside from knowing she's actually alistair's ma #i don't know any of it :c #ask response

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unfortunate--moth · 1 year ago

Note

Milgranon here (If I'm annoying you with the ask spam, please tell me btw, I can space out my asks more or something?)

I'm wondering how each Detective would react to the first interrogation.

Yuma - Extremely panicked and distracted at the start, doubly so because I bet Shinigami would be screaming bloody murder at Es the entire time they're talking, making it very hard for him to concentrate. I do think he'd adjust to the situation pretty well after the initial explanation though. I think the detectives would be in the order they are explored in the game, so I'd say he's prisoner 01, the first to be interrogated, and so extra paranoid because he would have no prior knowledge to go off. He is absolutely so dishonest about the entire thing, because his entire murder is to do with something that will kill him if he mentions. He's a pretty terrible liar though.

Halara - Curt and closed off the entire time. They seem to despise authority, so they'd be very unreceptive. That being said, I don't think they'd attack Es, even without knowing about the barrier. They'd probably be like "Well, I could beat up this one person, but who knows how many other guards there are?". They'd also know they have no chance of escape, at least this early on, so they wouldn't go so far as to piss Es off despite their unwillingness. I also think they would try and press Es themself for information, but back off there's any sign that it would negatively influence their situation.

Desuhiko - I've been teetering on whether or not he'd try to flirt with Es. It wouldn't be out of character for him, but also Es is 15 and I am God of this world so I say in this he doesn't. He'd be on the edge of tears almost immediately, and would probably be extremely open about most things bar the actual crime. Like he'd fully explain his connection to the rest of the detectives, but clam up immediately when it comes to the murder.

Fubuki - Very open, like extremely open and willing to talk about what happened. Would get extremely emotional and likely start crying about her accidental killing. She's friendly the whole time, she isn't a suck up, she doesn't insist Es choose one way or another. It's just a generally very easy interrogation and Es would probably get slightly annoyed at how easy it is.

Vivia - Very open about his killing, in the most apathetic sounding way possible. The killing I'm thinking for him was someone he really didn't care much about at all, so he'd be like "Yeah I killed this one person. They interrupted my peace and quiet. I want to die some day." Like he can also have a very deep, meaningful and impactful murder, but the one I envision is just so "meh" for him. He'd be so lazy and apathetic in his interrogation, I see him driving Es up the wall in irritation. He'd try to tactfully nudge into out of them, in subtle ways as well. He's still a detective and if he's not panicking, then his brain is fully functioning to try and break the hell out of here.

Yakou - If we use his canon murder, then I think he'd stay quiet, because he'd be worried about accidentally implicating at least Fubuki and Desuhiko in his crime by mentioning how they took part. He'd be friendly and cautious though, trying not to deny anything while also not implying or proving anything.

No worries!! It's not annoying at all, I really like talking about it! It doesn't bother me :]

these are all VERY good!! I think Es would be so so tired if they dealt with this bunch.

I think their relationship with the detectives would be a very interesting one. Es is only supposed to be a warden, but they also have to be a detective and a prosecutor. So that makes me wonder what the actual detectives would think about them.

I also think.. well bond isn't the right word, but they would feel at least a bit of solidarity with Yuma over both of them not having memories before any of this began. Es probably wouldn't give that information up easily, but maybe a few off hand comments lead to Yuma asking about it. Es definitely handles it better than Yuma, at least outwardly. they do have an identity crisis every other voice drama

And Es is the most similar to Halara, personality wise I think. But because of that I think it'd actually be harder for them to get along. They both have like... this kind of personality where they need to be the one in control of a situation or conversation. So it'd make their interrogations very shaky because they can't find a balance for their dynamic. Halara is hard to work with, and Es is hard to trust.

Desuhiko... Es would probably be the most fed up with him. I think Desuhiko wouldn't flirt. Maybe he attempts to just to 'butter them up' but Es cuts him off being like "I'm 15." and he shuts up immediately after that. Doesn't make him any easier to work with, at least in regards to his crime. BUT he's also helpful in that Es learns more about everyone's relationships through him. Still though, he's a real handful.

Yeah Fubuki would be the easiest to deal with, and Es would be conflicted because there's still the possibility of Fubuki being a Grade A liar. So they're on this middle ground of being like "finally someone whos not evasive" and "this could be a very huge lie". I also like to think that after that first interrogation with her Jackalope would be like "dear lord maybe taking her here was a bad idea" and hops away. Es isn't sure how to take that.

Vivia... Oh, Vivia. I think he would at first attempt to grab them. Mainly to see if Desuhiko saying they have a force field is true. I think if Vivia's interrogation was before Desuhiko's, he would've tried to at least restrain them. Like that energy he had in the lab with those peacekeepers. But once he confirms that information and realizes he really can't do anything, he behaves. Es would... not like him. Even if he's open about his murder, they would probably feel uneasy around him. Not even about his attempt at grabbing them, moreso just the way he speaks. He'd be straightforward about his murder, but he clouds pretty much everything else in mystery. And with how apathetic and neutral he is, it'd probably make them angry like you said.

And yeah, Yakou would probably be a bit strange to talk to. I think in terms of just conversing in general, he'd be one of the easiest for Es, but in terms of the case or anything/anyone surrounding it, he'd be very difficult. I think without the murder and prison stuff in play, he would see Es just as a 15 year old put in a strange position. Of course that wouldn't make him lower his guard, but it's just something that's weird to him. Like he feels like there's something to be uncovered. That said, he wouldn't voice those thoughts because that would get him a slap IMMEDIATELY. But I think they would have an equal amount of caution with each other which would usually lead to a stand still- at least in terms of talking about his murder. He's friendly, but the way he somehow manages to stay neutral to all of Es's questions would get them annoyed very quickly.

So all in all... A very difficult bunch of prisoners. Es needs a pay raise. If they even get paid. No idea what will happen to them after Milgram and that worries me ADJKHFAMDSF

but yes thank you sm for this ask... I love coming up with these things and talking about them!! you're always free to share more :]

#rain code #ask #anonymous #milgranon #rain code cellblock au #es after every interrogation just sitting in a chair #head in their hands #all of these guys are insane #in very different ways #get this kid a coffee #how many of them do you think would get smacked #desuhiko definitely #maybe vivia?#possibly yuma #if they ever hit yuma shinigami would be FURIOUS

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booksandchainmail · 2 years ago

Text

Pale 7.8 extra

Interesting, I think this is the first extra material we've had that is just normal text? (ie not in-universe writings, not multimedia)

Very interested to get to see more of Lucy's mom. So far we have her meeting Avery's parents... I wonder if Verona's dad was invited? Also curious if this is just a general getting to know child's friend's parents meeting, or if they want to talk over specific concerns

We were friends, before, as much because of the girls putting us in close proximity as anything.

I hadn't thought of Verona's mother as being friends with Lucy's, it's never come up before. Though I know my parents didn't remain close to any people they spent time with because I was friends with their children as a kid

“Don’t even get me started on work schedules,” Brett told her.

Taken by itself, nothing Verona's dad is saying would necessarily be a red flag, but combined with everything we've already seen of him it bothers me. Immediately going into complaining about work when asked what he does, the grousing about Verona that doesn't seem lighthearted to me...

“Is she getting along with either of the two more?” Connor asked. He looked at Kelsey, who frowned.

don't dig for information like that! If there was something going on, let her tell you in her own time. Also, if Avery was dating one of the others, and they weren't out either, this would be a great way to tip off their parents.

It’s like her skin crawls if she’s in my company for more than five seconds, she runs off to her room or leaves the house at the next opportunity.

now this one is a red flag

“This was weeks of moments,” Brett said. “I was looking things up and thinking about oppositional defiant disorder.”

of course you were

I can’t talk to her about my work, basic household needs, school and homework…

notably absent from this is her own interests. Why would your work be the first thing you think about talking with your child about?

So clever in many ways that she outsmarted her way out of doing well in school.

I consider this a valid strategy, if sometimes self-sabotaging

"She took up habitual lying…” “It’s that imagination,” Jasmine said. “She had no outlet. She stopped art, and she had nothing, so she started telling stories.”

...hmmm. Well obviously she can't do this now, and doesn't seem to need it, but I'm curious what was going on with that, if it was really just an over-active imagination.

Also, man but everything Brett says about Verona is framed in a negative light

Except, I suppose I’m lucky she’s slow to develop. She’s the most kid-like of the three, I think. A late bloomer.

hahahahahaha

“When she and Lucy were old enough to know how to navigate the web but young enough to not know about internet history, let’s just say the searches I saw raised a few eyebrows. Only when Verona was there.”

yeah that tracks. Both for Verona's character and for that age range

“I thought about one of those wilderness survival retreats. You know those? Send the kid out into the woods to rough it, disconnect from technology and outside influences, make them build their own fires, teach them self-reliance and discipline, respect for authority?”

oh hate that. And I liked camping as a kid! But why the fuck are you bringing "respect for authority" into perfectly good outside time

He said that as much as I or Lucy might want to look at this as a resolution, a release, it isn’t. All of that stress and worry and lack of resolution is still there. It’s not fixed or better. She’s certainly not happier or healthier in the wake of it.

:( I'd like to think she got some closure from it... but she certainly isn't less stressed, though there are obviously extenuating circumstances

“I wanted to ask about Julie Hardy,” Connor said. “Going back to the subject of influences-”

...and this would be the catch with Avery's dad. And also the reason why Ms. Hardy's been so careful about interacting with her.

I was awkward and struggled and I tried on a lot of different hats and explored a lot of different identities as a way of diagnosing and trying to fix what was wrong with me. When it was just regular puberty.

“Avery has expressed some concerns to her mom. I was hoping to get a clear picture about why, but… Brett’s take is only half a picture, isn’t it?”

good that they're talking about this, and not taking him at face value

Verona takes in stuff and digests it privately, and her mom’s similar to her in that. The thought processes behind the scenes can be impenetrable sometimes.

hmm. Not sure what I have to say here, but I want to leave a not for myself about similarities between Verona and her mother. Wonder if that's making things with her dad worse?

“I just-” Jasmine started, stopped, shook her head. “If she’s going to be pushed to take action, I want it to be later. When she’s equipped, educated, grounded and secure in herself. Change the world, you know?”

I have some bad news for you about what's going on this summer

“And if you don’t have those things, that grounding, education, preparation, what happens? Another Paul incident.”

or considerably worse

OH! New section! Lore section! Murderer section! Going to analyze this excruciatingly:

Non-italics likes John, which narrows it down to the Kennet Others (no one else knows him). "Everything falls into place" so there's more than just power at stake? Both Kennet and "the rest of us" are taken care of (wording seems to imply once italics takes the seat). Who is that? The rest of the Kennet Others? There's not all that many of them.

Hmm! “The girls. Miss picked some scarily good ones." This would imply to me that Miss was not part of their group. I'd already been leaning towards her not being involved, but this is further confirmation.

italics doesn't want to kill them. General antipathy to violence (would be weird for someone aiming for a war seat) or good feelings to them in particular?

italics was also opposed to the school. OH! finally answer to something someone asked me way back when I was speculating about why Miss picked the girls: if she was trying to keep them controlled, why give them access to the school. Well besides the fact that I'm less suspicious of Miss now, going to the school gives them access to knowledge and power that isn't routed through the murder suspects.

"playing our parts"... kinda makes me think Fae, but that's a tenuous connection. And "we all"... so there's more than just these two.

Very ominous all over!

#booksandchainmail reads pale #pale #wildbow

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worrywrite · 2 years ago

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Okay, hold up. Before we go Orwellian here, I want to actually take a look at Elizabeth Ann West and her work.

Elizabeth publishes on amazon, itunes, google play, nook, kobo, and scribd. She's diversified. She's doing this as a profession. I have no problem with this.

Most of her work is, in fact, Jane Austen (it looks like exclusively pride and prejudice) variations. P&P is in the public domain, so that's fine. And working exclusively on variations of this one text shows either a fondness for the work (story, characters, etc.) or a recognition of where the money goes for variation novels (its all name recognition; it's the only reason we all remember that pride and prejudice and zombies exists, even though I don't know anyone that's actually read it, but that could just be a me problem) or both. This is all just to be clear, the core of her books doesn't bother me. She can write and publish as much of this as she wants.

Let's look at her actual catalogue of writing. Her website states that,

"Elizabeth Ann West is the author of 8 novels and 11 novellas, 18 of which are story variations of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice."

Which is a weird way to put she's only ever authored one piece of original writing. But this also seems a little out of date compared to her twitter bio, so let's check her goodreads (note: I hate goodreads conceptually, but because many authors obsess over their works on the platform it is fairly reliable so far as what the author wants you to see).

Elizabeth has 30 credited entries on goodreads. 1 is yet to be published. 1 is a boxed set of 3 works that are listed separately on her page. 1 is a bundle of 2 other works that are also listed on her page. 1 is a 13 page "essay" (so the cover claims), and so not a novel or novella and I can't actually see any evidence she actually wrote it (it's purchase pages no longer exist). 1 is an anthology she is credited as a contributor to which I no longer believe is available and I cannot discern what her contribution work was–it may have been a story published elsewhere. That leaves exactly 25 works, 26 when her next novel is published.

She has published 5 works since January 2021. All of which (including the 6th one yet to be published) are Austen variations. None of these titles bear any mention of AI writing assistance. So, perhaps Elizabeth has not used it to a considerable degree—or perhaps she knew that tacking "AI assisted" onto the amazon description would damage her sales numbers. Regardless, it is difficult to see what AI has done and what Elizabeth has done.

But wait, let's look at the other thing in her bio. FutureFictionAcademy.

This site is a course sales site. They sell courses on how to use AI, primarily OpenAI's GPT models to

"Streamline your outlining process and create solid story structures, and develop rich, captivating characters using AI-driven techniques."

and

"Generate engaging and coherent prose effortlessly and craft attention-grabbing marketing materials to sell your book using AI."

Now, I don't particularly mind using AI as an organizer. I think there are better tools for organizing things like characters and plot points, but I don't there are any quite so good as filling out forms for you. That's the big draw to GPT, I think, and that is what I tend to use it for (when I use it at all). Things like copying in a character profile, asking it to reformat the information into something that can be copied somewhere else. I don't think this is a good idea when it comes to original ideas, because it gives OpenAi rights over it, but if you are writing variations of characters that are in the public domain that's not a problem.

But that second quote up there, is the real problem here. I do not think that you should sell AI generated prose. Because you can't sell something that you didn't create, but you can say you created it and sell it that way. And that is dishonest, and lazy, and weak. Your prose will have a lot of issues. I'm not going into why AI prose sucks, at least not here. And I'm also not going into why AI generated prose sucks for AI, again, at least not right now.

Do I think Elizabeth is a bad writer. Haven't read any of her work, can't say. Do I think she's using AI to make money? Absolutely. Is she writing her own original work? No clue. She won't say what is and isn't her own original writing. I actually tend to think she probably hasn't used AI to write anything substantial, based on my overview of her pages she seems to be the type that likes to be in control more than that. I think she's trying to sell subscriptions. Is that also skeevy? Yeah.

“Author of 25+ best-selling Pride & Prejudice variations”

Yeah, no.

#writing #fiction #short investigation

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mcalhenwrites · 1 year ago

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Rant...

I work so damn hard on my writing, and it's hard to get any eyes on it. It was hard to get eyes on my crochet most of the time back when I still did it that much. (I noticed things I made for myself either got less notes or only questions about "how did you do that I wanna do that tell me how you did that wahhh I wanna know" or "pattern plz") I stopped crocheting bc I wanted to focus on my writing, I was in pain... but I also wanted to quit so people would stop befriending my soley in the hopes they'd get gifts or patterns from me. So now I only post OC crochet that I've managed to finish. (And fibro and trauma from being used slow this down, and time constraints as well, but I'd rather be writing. I'm allowed my happiness.) The most successful thing I've ever posted across social media is Tempra, my OC dragon. I worked on her for months. She got approx 800 notes (a lot of the notes are my own reblogs, so probably less than 800 bc I've reblogged her like a dozen times)

Most of my work - even with crochet - usually never hits 100 interactions. Notes, reblogs, likes, retweets, etc. Most of it stays at 0-20 tops, and that's that. I work full time hours on my writing. Probably with overtime. I'm dedicated and love doing it, and I can do it with my disabilities forcing me into bed. I've typed with my fucking eyes closed just to get the bursting ideas OUT xD Anyhow, now people are sucked into AI. A thing that is trying to replace artists, therapists (which is impersonal for one, a private data invasion most of all), authors, musicians, and I'm sure even crochet images and patterns are being belched out. I haven't kept up. This stupid AI kitchen got over 79k+ notes and thousands of comments of people gasping to have one just like it. The floating trees melting into the cabinets didn't give it away? (I circled like half the obvious issues and ran out of space to keep fucking circling)

It feels like no one gives a fuck about actual people anymore unless we're tech bro demons churning out stolen uncanny valley garbage for the masses to digest. And I don't know if any of us has a chance to compete against AI. I don't feel like I can work hard enough to matter. I damn well know I'm not the only one. But I really hope anyone not paying attention wonders why the obvious-AI patterns for fiber arts don't matter, because that's less sinster than "I handed all my personal information over to an AI therapist" Artists, though? (Artists in the broad term of including music and writing and everything else btw) I'm not sure anyone is gonna bother noticing that we've been sifted out after our work was stolen to feed these generators in the first place Edit: tho I will say, I'd probably crawl into a hole and want to die if I got 79k+ notes on anything I ever posted. But like. It'd be nice if I had more engagement. I want writing to be my career, so... I feel like if I post "I published Geckos!" it'd flop just like everything else I've ever done in my pathetic life

#mcalhen personal

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clone-whore-99 · 3 years ago

Text

Troublemaker

Chapter 8: Echoes of the Past

The Bad Batch x Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of panic attacks!, angsty as always, the boys fighting, the boys being soft, the boys being protective, wrecker being a cutie, we learn more about Readers past LMK if I need to add anything else

Authors Note: This was hard to write. Not because of the topic or the events, since that's been planned for weeks now, but just because brain the brrrr. And because Tumblr made a stupid update in the middle of the fic, making writing harder. Oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

If you like it, please do let me know by liking and commenting and maybe even reblogging, it would mean a lot to me 🥺👉👈

Chapter 1: Arriving at Kamino Chapter 2: Work, Armor and... Clones? Chapter 3: Let it out Chapter 4: You shouldn't have done that Chapter 5: Talk about it Chapter 6: The 20 Questions Game Chapter 7: Crosshair - Chapter 9: The FightChapter 10: A Nice Change of Air Chapter 11: Sore Muscles

Chapter 12: Heavy Rain Weights the Mind

Chapter 13: Waste of Time

"Where the hell have you been?" Echo asked the second Crosshair opened the door to their barracks.

"Taking a shower," Crosshair replied as nonchalantly as always.

"No, we were in the showers, where were you?" Echo probed, not willing to let it go so easily.

You stepped into the room, nervously attempting to cover yourself with your arms. Crosshair had helped you pick out a shirt that covered all evidence of your shower, but you were still nervous they somehow knew.

Because, well, if Hunter could know when you were turned on, then what else could they tell just by being around you? It's not that you were embarrassed that it had happened. Nor were you ashamed. But that didn't mean you exactly wanted to flaunt it to everybody you met.

You were pulled out of your train of thoughts, when Crosshair was suddenly all up in Echos space, poking his chest with the tip of a toothpick. "Why do you care, reg? So you can keep pestering me with your protocols?"

Echo slapped Crosshairs hand away, before stepping closer to the sniper so their chests were basically touching. "I know you guys don't exactly do things by the book, but what you pulled back there was suicide!"

"If it hadn't been for how we do things, you would still be feeding the enemy information. Or, have you already forgotten that?"

"ENOUGH!" Hunter yelled, as he ran from the door behind you to the two men, grabbing both of their shoulders to pull them from each other.

"In case you've forgotten, we're all on the same team here! Yes, the simulation went terrible, but that's why we got it. To make sure those mistakes won't happen out on the field." Hunter scolded the two men, his voice stern and demanding respect.

If looks could kill, both Crosshair and Echo would've been obliviated from existence, by the way they were staring at each other. Crosshair seemed like he was about to make a snarky remark, but opted to head towards the crates by his bunk instead.

Echo ran a hand over his bald head, before heading out the door and accidentally bumped into you on the way - or, at least you hope it was an accident.

You must've looked like a huge questionmark, your eyes drifting from one man to the other. You ended up deciding to run after Echo and check up on him.

"Don't bother," Hunter said, stopping you before you could head out. You turned to look at him, now even more confused than before. "He just needs some time alone. All of this is a big adjustment for him."

"What happened?" You asked, as you finally stepped further into the room. Your arms were still covering your upper body and your steps were rather careful. The mood in the room was tense.

Hunter sighed. "With Echo or just in general?" he asked with a playful tone and a smirk, though the expression in his eyes were tired and worn out. "Doesn't matter. Anyways, I'm hungry, let's go grab some grub."

With a hand on your back, Hunter began leading you towards the door with Tech and Crosshair following suit. You looked at the soldier skeptically. "What about Echo and Wrecker?"

"Like I said, Echo needs to be alone right now. He'll come when he's ready," Hunter gave you a look that clearly expressed, that you probably should leave it be. "As for Wrecker, well.."

"Wrecker said he wanted to make you a surprise." Tech quickly appeared by your side with his index finger raised as always.

You raised an eyebrow at Tech. "A surprise? For me?"

"Yes. Though he wouldn't tell us what it is, which is not comforting."

You gave Tech a small and confused nod, before turning your attention back to Hunter, not willing to let the topic go that easily. "So, Echo you'll leave alone, but when I want to be alone..."

Hunter looked at you with an annoyed smirk. "A good seargant knows what his men needs. Echo needs to be alone right now, you didn't."

"But I'm not one of your men, though."

"And with how you're acting, be glad that you aren't." Hunter gave your shoulder a small squeeze, before letting you go so he could enter the mess hall.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" You yelled after him.

It was odd being in the cafeteria at this hour. Not many clones were around, most probably having gone to bed by now - according to Tech.

Besides that, it felt weird being there without Wrecker. He always carried the conversation with jokes and stories and although your arm were thankful for not getting a friendly punch every other minute, it just wasn't the same without his chaotic energy.

At least you weren't sandwiched between two men this time. You were sitting next to Tech, who was reading up on something on his datapad. In front of you sat Crosshair and Hunter.

"Are you guys really sure it's okay I'm staying with you?" You asked for what was probably the hundredth time.

"Not if you keep asking." Hunter replied and let out a small chuckle when he saw the horrified look you that appeared on your face. "Relax, I'm joking. We wouldn't have asked you if we weren't okay with it."

You let out a low sigh mixed with relief and embarrassment for constantly asking. "Sorry I keep asking. It's just, wouldn't you rather have this time for yourselves? I mean, how often do you get a break from the battlefield?"

"We're soldier, cyar'ika," Hunter reached over the table to grab your hand in a comforting matter. "We were made for the chaos of the battlefield. We'd go crazy if things went too quiet."

You gave Hunter a weak smile, though his choice of words did leave a sour taste in your mouth. They were made for the chaos. What an awful thing to be made for.

You didn't have much time to stay in your thoughts though, since Hunter frowned while running the pad of his thumb across your hand. "Are those... Bitemarks?"

It felt like all the blood from your body was drained, when he asked that question. Crosshair just glanced sideways towards your hand, whereas Tech suddenly straightened up and adjusted his goggles to get a better look.

"Yes, it would seem so." Tech answered for you and Hunters grip tightened before you could pull your hand away. "It appears to origin from human teeth, though not from any clones. And..." He adjusted something on the side of his goggles. "It's not infected, fortunately."

"Oh..." You muttered under your breath, not realizing a bite mark could be infectious even if it didn't penetrate the skin. Wait, Crosshair also bit you. Could those be infected? You really didn't want to show Tech those marks - or anybody else for that matter.

"Y/N!" Hunters voice was stern and loud enough to snap you out of your panic spiral. You hadn't realized until then, that your heart was beating way too fast and you were barely even breathing.

"Who bit you?" He asked, his eyes filled with murder for the culprit and his grip on your hand was protectively tight.

"No one!" You all but yelled, as you violently yanked your hand free from his grasp, nearly causing you to fall backwards if Tech hadn't caught you.

"Well, that's obviously not true." Tech stated.

Out of all the men in the galaxy, you just absolutely had to become friends with the ones who noticed everything. "I did it! I-I was trying not to be too loud, so I bit my own hand to keep my voice down. Now, can we please just let it go?"

They were all giving you a worried expression, even Crosshair. Though, you had a sneaking suspicion that his was for another reason.

Hunter looked like he was about to say something, when you noticed that behind him was -

"ECHO!" Your grumpy half droid/half clone savior had come to your rescue. He just didn't know it.

Echo gave you a greeting nod, before taking a seat next to Hunter. "Sorry I took off like that. I just needed some fresh air."

"It's okay soldier," Hunter put a comforting hand on Echos shoulder. "Rather we get all of the issues out of the way here, than on the battlefield."

"I believe I might have to share some of the blame here as well," Tech held up his index finger - a signature move to proof he had something to say. He then grabbed his datapad and adjusted his goggles once more. "I should've gone over Echos files from when he was a cadet and from when he was a part of the 501st. That way, we would've known he has always been rather accustomed towards following protocol and repeating orders. However, I believe I've found a way to prevent the failure from todays training, from repeating itself in the future. Well, at least part of it."

Never had you ever been more grateful for Techs long rants, than you were at this moment.

You were trapped. And no one was coming to your rescue this time.

The boys had spent the rest of the dinner talking about their usual battle plans, strategies and formations, helping Echo into their work through that. You had just nodded along throughout the conversation.

Once they were done though, you made the fatal mistake of asking Tech about plan 7. Hunter and Crosshair had dramatically groaned at this, before abandoning you to your own demise. Echo stuck with you, right up until Tech changed the subject again and began explaining the importance of agriculture and all of it's benefits. Then he abandoned you too.

And there you were. Trapped. With Techs endless stream of information. Abandoned by the very men who swore they'd protect you.

Echo was sitting on the other side of the table in their room, going over the files that Tech had given him. Hunter was lying in his bunk, reading something on his datapad. Crosshair was chewing on a toothpick while cleaning some equipment - something you had noticed he frequently did whenever there was time.

Your good heart was going to be the end of you. Not wanting to discourage Tech from talking about things he found interesting, you just nodded along with a couple "uhu"s and "ahh"s and even some "you don't say"s while only half listening to what was told.

And just as you were about to break and tell Tech off, Wrecker entered the room and saved you from his brother.

Not even acknowledging his brothers, the large man crossed the room in a hurry, so he could sit down next to you on the couch. His arms lounged across the backrest, as he let out a defeated sigh.

"I'm sorry ad'ika, I wanted to make you a surprise but I couldn't find the stuff I needed for it." He sweetly apologized to you, not caring that he had interrupted his brother.

"Wrecker, I was in the middle of explaining Y/N the core value of -"

"Eh, no one cares!" Wrecker interrupted again, waving a dismissive hand in his brothers direction. You gave Tech your best I'm-so-sorry-I-promise-I-care look, before turning your attention back to Wrecker.

"I wanted to make you your own place to sleep here, kinda like what Tech did for Echo, but with more privacy since, you're a, you know..."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "A.. girl?"

Wrecker chuckled. "Yea... But I couldn't find any of the things I needed for it! Everything was either in use or being shipped off or was dirty and I did think about using the dirty stuff, but figured you deserve better than that."

"Ahww," You sat up on your knees, so you could reach Wreckers cheek and give it a small kiss. "That's so sweet of you, Wrecker. But, you really didn't have to go through all that trouble for me."

A hint of blush appeared across Wreckers tan face after you had kissed his cheek. He rubbed the back of his bald head nervously. "I know, but I wanted to! So you wouldn't have to choose between sharing bunks with someone or sleep on the couch..."

"-Or sleep in your own bed," Echo added, a slight tone of bitterness hinted in his voice. "Why exactly is it you won't stay in Laquans apartment? Do you really hate your own father so much?"

"I don't hate him." Your answer sounded more like a question than a statement, but stayed defensive all the same. "You got it wrong. He's the one who hates me... Spent the last I-don't-even-know-how-many years trying to avoid me at all costs."

Echo frowned at your response. "That's simply just not true, you can't actually believe that. For as long as I've know Laquan, he's always been more than eager to talk about his daughter and show off holos of you. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but you can't actually believe he hates you."

"You're right!" You stood up from the couch, suddenly needing to make yourself feel bigger than you were. "You don't know what happened between us."

You stepped away from the couch, - away from the part of the room you were most trapped in. Echo was starting to get on your nerves and you needed an escape in case it would get worse. Like it usually did.

"Then explain it to me, mesh'la. Help me understand." Suddenly, Echos voice was a lot less hostile and a lot more careful.

You shook your head, already pacing back and forth in the room to calm yourself down. "You wouldn't understand even if I did. You... You've never had a parent or a normal childhood or anything like that, it would be like trying to compare a nuna to a jorgan fruit!"

"Y/N," Echo stopped your pacing, by placing his flesh hand on your shoulder. He bent down slightly, so he could be at eye level with you. "I'm not trying to compare our lives here, because, you're right, it would be impossible. I'm just trying to understand what went wrong in your relationship."

"What went wrong?" You snorted. "What went right? He was never around! All of the school events, the birthdays, the 'next time's that he never showed up to, no matter how much he promised he would and got my hopes up. All of the times I got yelled at by a teacher for not doing my homework, because I needed help with it but had nobody around to help me!"

You took a couple steps away from the men around you, who were all looking at you with such compassionate eyes. You needed air, it was getting harder to breathe and yet, you couldn't stop yourself from continueing.

"All of the excuses, the empty promises, the false hope he'd give that he really was going to be there that time... But at least he was there," you quickly glanced up at Echo, before looking away again. "At least I knew where he was, at least I could get a hold of him, talk to him, get in contact with him in case of an emergency, at least I still had him!"

Your voice finally broke, your shoulders slumbed and the tears started streaming down your face. "Until he wasn't. He left us, Echo..."

For a while, there was no sound in the room but your silent sobs. Your nails were digging into your own flesh, trying to prevent this anger inside of you to rise again, trying to prevent another violent outburst from taking place.

Tech was the first to break the silence. "I'm sorry to hear how hard it must've been for you, but you must understand that your father is an important asset to the Republic and was greatly needed in-"

"I NEEDED HIM!" You screamed, incapable of stopping the words before they erupted. "MOM NEEDED HIM! There's over a trillion people in the galaxy and you're telling me the Republic couldn't find one other person who could do his job!? That, that, that..."

You couldn't breathe. Your chest was collapsing in on itself, your skin was too tight and all clammy, the room was repeatedly getting smaller and smaller and...

A distant voice could be heard over the ringing in your ears, but you weren't sure who it belonged to. Two strong hands grabbed tightly onto your shoulders, trying to pull you back to reality.

More distant voices. You couldn't focus on what they were saying, all you could think about was how hard it had suddenly become for you to breathe.

Then you were picked up, causing you to go into a full blown panic. You hadn't even realized you had fallen to your knees.

You writhed in the holders grasp, trying to desperately free yourself, so you could get as far away from whatever was happening as fast as possible, before it'd be the end of you.

Everything was spinning, was too tight, you couldn't breathe, you couldn't see, you couldn't hear, you -

The next thing you knew, you were lying on a bed. Techs goggled eyes were blocking your view. His elbows were resting on your shoulders so you couldn't sit up, and he gently held your head in his hands.

Someone must've been holding onto your legs, because you couldn't move them either.

"There you are," He said after staring into your eyes in what felt like an eternity. His voice was gentle and low and a faint smile was displayed across his lips. Gently, he let his thumbs caress your cheeks, much like he had done on your first day on Kamino.

"What happened?" Your voice was barely even a whisper.

"A panic attack." For once, Techs answer was short and incorrect.

You squirmed underneath him, silently asking to be let go and he happily obliged. Crosshair, who had been holding your legs, also let go and you sat up to hug your knees to your chest.

"I don't panic," Was all you could muster to get out, too tired to really talk.

It seemed like Tech was about to correct you, as he began lifting his finger again. But something must have changed his mind, because instead he just let out a sigh and patted your shoulder.

"Wrecker is on his way with a hot beverage to help calm your nerves. Do you think you can talk about what happened?"

You shook your head. In fact, you much rather wanted to forget what had happened.

Dividers by: @djarrex

Taglist: @zoeykallus @rain-on-kamino @thebadbatchscyare @thebahdbitch @salaminus @mybigfatspoonielife @tararosebloodthorn @chxpsi @coffeeandclaws @timothyshousefire @tazmbc1 @nunanuggets @rexandechosandwich

Please do not hesitate to ask, if you want to be added to the taglist of the series ❤

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antianakin · 2 months ago

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I mean. I don't think there IS a "Watsonian" reason that works. I just don't. If I did, this wouldn't bother me as much as it does. If there was one that I thought actually worked, the writing would probably have simply been better. Sometimes, a Watsonian explanation simply DOESN'T WORK and you just need to settle for the explanation that the writers probably entirely forgot about how important it is that the chip DOES NOT CARE about the technicality of a former Jedi because Palpatine wants them all dead without exceptions, especially within that first night. The ones who end up getting captured later to become Inquisitors should theoretically be spared specifically because they AREN'T captured by clones or something (maybe it's stormtroopers, or the Grand Inquisitor himself, who initially brings them in).

This is also just such a small line in the episode that I doubt anybody really thought about it as much as I did. It's a throwaway line, more intended to foreshadow that she's going to be a Jedi again by the next episode than anything else. If they'd just left the line out and we never saw a clone speak to her at all, that would've been one thing, we could've just all come up with our random headcanons as to why Barriss was spared. But they GAVE us a reason and the reason is exceptionally stupid and contradicts information we've been given previously. So now there's no way to headcanon around it, you cannot make a Watsonian explanation that works because it just... doesn't. It doesn't work.

But sure. Let's look at this new headcanon and talk about why it doesn't work, either. Obviously if you like it enough to keep it and it's important to you to have it because you loved TOTE and what it did with Barriss, more power to you, but I hope you don't mind that I'm going to analyze it and break down why it doesn't work on this post about why this line is exceptionally stupid anyway.

Ahsoka ISN'T actually made a general, she's officially a civilian consultant during the Mandalore mission. The only reason she's able to act like a general/commander is because Rex and the 332nd know her and choose to give her that kind of authority over them, but technically, REX is in charge and Ahsoka's only real contribution is that she understands more about the mission at hand. The clones really aren't all that confused about what Ahsoka's actual status is here, they know she's not officially a Jedi, and their loyalty to her presumably does not come from whether she's a Jedi or not.

It also just doesn't work for me that the chip allows for the clones to MAKE their own exceptions like that. If it gives that much leeway, this could be a massive problem for Palpatine. Like if the clones COULD just logic their way out of killing one of them somehow, it opens the door for some of them to survive and escape. And also, the whole point of the TCW scene is to show us that the chip CAN'T be worked around through logic. It should not allow for the clones to be able to even CONSIDER what Barriss did or didn't do and whether this does or does not make her a Jedi anymore. TBB chooses to give the clones a little bit more ability to consider their actions later on, once the chip has begun to wear off more, but in the immediate moment of Order 66 and probably the first few days or weeks afterward, the clones should have next to no autonomy over the choice of whether to kill someone that the chip/Order considers a Jedi or not.

It also seems like that would be a really complicated bit of code to try to make it so that the clones only kill people who a) are officially part of the Jedi Order and b) aren't part of the Jedi Order but ARE Force sensitive and act like Jedi sometimes, but NOT c) aren't part of the Jedi Order and ARE Force sensitive but don't always act like Jedi anymore. It's a lot simpler to just say "all Jedi, past and present."

Personally, I feel like the chip should OVERRIDE whatever the clones would've felt about the Jedi in question, not be BASED on what the clones felt about the Jedi in question. That just leaves way too much to chance and I don't see Palpatine being willing to allow that.

So, you know, have your Watsonian explanation if you want it. I'll just still be over here in my corner talking about why TOTE is badly written and makes no sense. I'm not LOOKING for a good explanation, it's not like I WANT to like this show and it's just this one weird line keeping me from enjoying it (honestly if I liked the rest of it and this was the one line I thought was bad, I'd just ignore it or find it amusing probably). I think the show is bad overall and in general anyway, this just happens to be one moment that I thought was particularly stupid. So even if you DID manage to come up with a good enough headcanon to explain it on a Watsonian level, the rest of the show would still be frustrating and upsetting and bad. The stupidity of the line is just an example of the stupidity of the rest of the writing in the show, it's an example of the greater issue with the writing on the show which is that nobody on the writing staff of this show gave a flying shit about writing something that made any sense or was good and meaningful, to the point that they couldn't even do enough homework to know that this kind of exception for Barriss SHOULD NOT HAVE WORKED.

There was an entire major plot element in the Order 66 arc of TCW season 7 about how the chip didn't care that Ahsoka wasn't technically a Jedi anymore and was forcing the clones to want to kill her anyway.

Like.

It's a pretty important part of that whole story that Ahsoka not being in the Jedi Order anymore DOESN'T exempt her from Order 66. It would've been a pretty boring story if that technicality had WORKED.

But somehow the clones guarding Barriss at the prison are totally fine applying that technicality to her.

I guess they just like her better than Rex and the 332nd liked Ahsoka in the end or something. Ironic.

#anti tote #tote critical

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cinnamonest · 4 years ago

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Zhongli (Genshin Impact) - Yandere Profile

This man's voice has a POWER over me I SWEAR

tws: yandere, mentions of n/sfw

tws (under the cut): very ddlg-esque vibes, sorta? infantilization, noncon

I'm sorry I get such strong daddy vibes it unintentionally went in this direction, hope that isn't too bad lmao

I’m working on all the prompts I’ve gotten in! I’ve gotten a few so I’ll be working on those.

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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

He's one that might be likely to misunderstand his feelings at first, think that he sees himself as a mentor or maybe even an authority figure, someone to guide you and teach you and serve as a dependable partner to your travels. As time goes on, and he begins to recognize how utterly flustered he gets around you, he's forced to acknowledge the actual feelings he has.

While some yanderes with a slight aloofness or pride to them get worse when in love, such as Childe or Kaeya, his drops completely. You bring out a softer side of him, really, one that's protective and tender and loving, so very loving, wanting to be around you, with you. He's certainly an obsessive, protective type, ultimately allowing his protective nature to get the better of him as he demands to know everything you've done, account for your location at every moment, constantly keep track of your habits, inquire about very personal details of your life. If he realizes you're bothered by it, he might draw back a bit, but he's convinced that that's just your perception, that it's necessary, truly, and not at all unusual.

Pet names. Particularly fond of love, darling, and angel. Sweet things that represent what you mean to him -- something precious, something to represent his adoration and idolization.

The primary form of delusion comes from a perception of you. He's obsessive, and idolizes you to an extent. He perceives you as pure, innocent, angelic. The thing is, this applies regardless of whether or not you actually are. If you are, it will solidify the idea, but even if you're not, he will find a way to see you so, anyway. No matter how wise you are, no, you're naive. No matter how capable you are, no, you're weak and fragile. No matter how experienced you may be, no, you're pure. He can always keep this delusion running by bringing into account age and comparison - you'll never be as strong as him, so you might as well be frail and weak. You'll never have lived as long as him, so really, do you think there's that much difference between you and a child, when compared to someone like himself?

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Actually highly likely, and pretty quickly. As he observes you, it becomes very clear to him how very fragile you are, how naive you are, you are quite literally too pure, too angelic, to be living in this world with such beings as humans. Fragile, beautiful little things have a place where they belong - protected. Where do we put fragile, beautiful things? We put them behind glass, behind ropes, in pretty cages, in secluded rooms. It's only natural that you, too, need a similar environment.

He's one of the ones that will... Elegantly kidnap you, as odd as it sounds. He's not a brute that would do something horrendous like knocking you out or drugging you, no, he'll find an excuse for you to come to his abode, invite you in, and you'll walk in none the wiser. Only after your in, and the doors close, does he guide you to your new room, calmly explaining that he's come to the realization that you're too fragile to continue your journey, and ought to simply give up on your travels. He knows you'll be upset at first. Like a child being denied, you'll get pouty, moody, you might cry, you might lash out at him. It's predictable. He'll dry your eyes and calm you down, brushing off any harsh words you may have, holding your wrists in his hands when you try to push him away, softly reassuring you that it will all be alright, that you're safe now, and you'll learn to accept this with time.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

He would want something... elaborate. He's a man with taste for the most beautiful of things, including yourself, and he won't settle for something as simple as a chain or ropes. No, that would be too simple and brutish, and you, one of the finest things in his life, deserve something equally beautiful and delicate.

He's one of the ones that would go to a great deal of preparation for your arrival. He'd have a room prepared just for you, very ornate, beautifully tailored to you -- the walls your favorite color, the bed made of the same material as your old one, and the whole room completely filled with things you're certain you never even told him you liked. Clothes that fit perfectly to your body. It's frightening how perfect it is, because you know he had to go out of his way to acquire the information to achieve such perfection, but you have no idea how.

Everything about it elegant and detailed, right down to the series of ornate locks on the door. They're some of the sturdiest available, made with essentially unbreakable metal alloys and the most intricate lock systems to date. The windows don't open, and he'd certainly find some way to ensure escape through them isn't an option -- perhaps metal bars, perhaps an unbreakable glass substitute, perhaps merely locating your new home right on the edge of one of Liyue's most beautiful mountains, so that if you were to go out the window you'd plummet to the earth below. He's a bit delusional, but he's not stupid, and he will think through every possibility. Every little detail he needs to keep you safe and confined.

He's certain that, perfect as it is, this room is all you will ever need to be happy. Should you desire anything else, he can bring it to you. You'll never have to leave.

So it goes without saying that it would be exceptionally difficult to escape him. You'd have to find a way through the locks, for which your best bet would be to get some hair pins or tiny writing utensils. Even if you managed it, though, which would frankly be a very difficult feat, you'll have to deal with staying free. Zhongli has ties to the people of Liyue as a whole, and needless to say, he has eyes everywhere. You can't risk appearing in the harbor area, there will be far too many people who would immediately report you, and you'd just be walking right to him anyhow. The surrounding areas also have ties to him, so you'd want to try and reach Mondstadt, as far as it is, which is a difficult travel by foot all alone. You won't get far. He's faster, he's wiser, and he will find you long before you could ever hope to make it there.

However, he's not quite as angry as some yanderes would be about it. He doesn't take your escape personally, no, he blames himself, only calculating his own mistakes as to how it happened. He sees you as something like... a little runaway pet, so naive and dull that you don't know any better than to go wandering off. Or perhaps like a child, just sheepishly curious and wanting to explore, not knowing the dangers of the world. Or, perhaps...

"I haven't been giving you enough attention, have I? That's why you pulled this little act of rebellion... you're hurt by my negligence and wanted to be reassured of my care for you. I'm so sorry... I understand now, love. This was my fault. I've been so caught up with work... I'll delegate some tasks to my workers, and I'll be able to spend more time with you from now on, alright? Don't worry, I'm not angry, I'll take full responsibility. I'll be sure to make it up to you... now, let's go home."

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Much like Childe or Venti or anyone who has been around as long as he has, you really don't stand a chance. He's an incredibly perceptive man. There's not much to say on the matter, as any attempts will be quickly shut down.

He'd find it amusing, really. Like a child trying to lie, but the evidence is all over their face and hands - it's that obvious to him. It's cute enough that he almost hates having to discipline you for it, but, you have to learn.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He wants his little angel to be safe - and unfortunately, you, being so naive and empty headed, don't always know what's best for you. He knows rules can be hard to follow perfectly, but they're there to keep you safe.

Extremely strict, will want to monitor every moment of your life, every little movement you take, and will insist on watching over you in every task. He'll pick out everything you wear, everything you eat.

Occasionally, if you ask very sweetly, he may take you out for walks in Liyue. Honestly, he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy taking you to what he knows are the finest locations, shops with the highest level of craftsmanship, restaurants with a high price tag and reputable food. He enjoys showing off his refined tastes and discerning selective abilities. And honestly? There's a certain... Powerful feeling to knowing you're made aware of the costs when he makes high purchases in front of you... even if you don't realize he's not always actually the one paying for it, or that he forgot mora again but promises the owner to pay later - but he'll make sure you don't know that. You hear the numbers, and your eyebrows raise, your eyes widen. You'd nearly faint if that total was on your responsibility, and he knows that. Which is why he'll simply smile at you, and tell you you're worth every last Mora. He'll buy you nearly anything you may desire. It seems like leniency, but in reality, it's his subtle way of locking control and dependency over you, making you respect him, making you love him.

"Don't worry, love. It's not a lot... Not to me, at least. Even if it were, my angel only deserves the best, no?"

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Oh dear. Again, he's very strict, and wants to monitor everything you do, every little aspect of your life. He decides what you eat, portioning your meals to make sure you're eating enough, he worries about you going hungry during your travels, but luckily you'll never have to worry about that again. If you have a sweet tooth, he'll sigh and worry about your teeth and health, but he'll make sure to account for a little bit of sugar in your day, and will even pick up little treats from some of the most reputable places in Liyue.

He picks out clothes for you with each day. They're not... Normal clothes, per se. Certainly not what you'd normally wear on your travels. And it's not like anyone will see you except him - which is exactly why you'll have clothes he would never want anyone else to see you in. Frilly, lacey things, somehow both highly sexualized but also incredibly infantile, soft pinks, baby blues, gentle off-whites. They accentuate the curves of your body so perfectly, while just barely letting him see the parts of you normally kept hidden.

You'll have a schedule - a bath time, a bedtime, a wake-up time. He's weak to your requests, though, and may let you stay up a little late every now and then, or sleep in just a bit, if you make that soft pouting face and beg. He'll insist on bathing you, dressing you, so that you don't have to - and can't even if you wanted to - lift a finger even to wash yourself or put your clothes on.

He has a set of rules for you, very simple ones he hopes you can easily follow. No trying to leave. No doing anything dangerous. No talking to strangers when you go out. You must hold his hand whenever you're walking together, don't go wandering off.

He'll feel ashamed of the thought for a while, but eventually he'll cave and give into the desire, no, the security precaution, of a nice little collar for you. It's not too embarrassing, no, he went out of his way to find one that was delicate, almost like a necklace, made with fine materials, the engraving only visible up close. If you look closely, though, it clearly bears his name.

Breaking the rules is expected, he anticipates it. You're not the brightest, he might even view it as a mistake. A benefit is that you can easily pass it off as simply forgotten, or an accident. Hence, he's not too harsh - normally. He'll sigh, forgive you, and pat your head, contemplating how to prevent your access in the future.

Perhaps you wriggled out of his hand and ran off while walking? You were just excited, distracted, like a child. He might be able to procure a small leash, one that wouldn't be immediately obvious or embarrassing, to attach to your collar. Perhaps some cuff-like links to latch your arm to his.

You forgot the rule about not handling the kitchen knives and cut yourself? He'll have to get some kind of lock and simply keep them safely away from you. No big deal. Any measures are worth your safety.

If you push the limits, or have a defiant attitude, he might reach the point of punishment. As for not-unwholesome things, this would usually include taking away privileges, such as walks or sweets, but overall, punishment will mostly come in more impure forms.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Not too much to say here - he has connections. He doesn't need to dirty his own hands. For all his supposed humility, if he truly dislikes someone, they're no more significant than an insect to him. He has no reservations about ridding the world of people who, in his mind, are obviously trying to deceive you, abuse you, corrupt you.

Thankfully, he is very capable of keeping a neutral face, even when he feels laughter building up. It would probably look strange if he were smiling over the newest body to come into his parlor.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

It's a slow buildup. He views restraint as a virtue, and looks down upon those who lack control over their own tempers. He's a man who strives to meet his own standards of character, and that very much applies to self control and ability to maintain a controlled demeanor, even when he feels a bit of frustration due to you being intentionally and deliberately defiant.

It's his responsibility to be a good role model for you and make sure you understand how to behave. However, in the end, he's very keen on properness and rules. If you have a tendency towards brattiness and pushing your limits, you may drive him to a boiling point.

However, even when expressing his anger, he's remarkably controlled. It's very mature, really. Nonetheless, he will have you shivering and tearful with his voice alone, booming with that depth that reverberates off the walls, that vibrates against your very core. His true anger is one that can strike fear even in the most courageous individuals - he's terrifying when he wants to be, fierce and intimidating, a sort of power just eminates from him.

Nonetheless, it's quick, he calms down very quickly, wipes the tears from your eyes, and sighs.

"I do hate having to be firm with you... but I can't have you thinking you can just act however you want. You understand that, don't you?"

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Both? It's difficult to describe. You're an angel to him. You're the finest work of art, the most intricate creation, the kind of person whose body and likeness deserves to be preserved in art and tradition, one of those women who should be renowned for beauty even centuries long after you're gone from the earth. It's almost goddess-like. At the same time, there's a beautiful, tragic duality to your essence, he thinks. A fragility and a dependency that leaves you in need, but an inherent status of perfection that makes you deserve the utmost perfect of care. You need to be coddled, cared for, protected, but you deserve it. Like a deity incarnated into a mere fragile human form, a queen that needs support to retain her grace.

Unlike some, he doesn't view his care and protection as some kind of favor that should be repaid with your gratitude, no, really, he is grateful that he is the one who is even deserving of being your caretaker, your provider, your lover.

Even if he is the one who determined that he deserves that role.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's convinced that he can show you that he is your protector, your lover, that it's fate itself that has locked you together, not just his own will.

And he is, above all else, patient. One of the most patient you could encounter. You think a year is a long time? It's nothing to him. A century for you? More than a lifetime. For him? Nothing. He can and will wait, as long as it takes, and he will never falter in his continual care. He'll remind you frequently, he'll shower you in affection, but if you don't return it? It's not that bad. He has all the time in the world to fix you.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Moraless Sugar daddy

But in all seriousness, he is definitely of the gift-giving love language. He sees beautiful things, and beautiful things make him think of you! It's sweet, he thinks. So many little things he sees throughout his day make him think of you, and he has to have all of them, see your face when he gives them to you. He likes making you happy, for one, but he'd be lying if he said there wasn't a sort of satisfactory pride he gets from the power dynamic of it all. He wants to be the sole source of provision in your life, he wants your dependency.

If we're talking prior to the events of the game, it will be even more extreme. He treats it like it's truly nothing, throwing around massive purchases, seemingly as if he's not thinking about it at all. But he is - rest assured, he's taking it into consideration, at least, that is, how it will affect your attitude and perception of him.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What��s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

On the reserved side. He'd never conduct himself improperly in public, of course. It's out of the question. He cares about proper behavior and public image, and he'd never behave in a vulgar manner.

Even in private, he's certainly one of the ones that struggles with a certain guilt. To some degree, he would feel like you're so innocent and pure that he doesn't want to corrupt you. He goes through stages. First, he'll lie to himself, telling himself that the feelings he has for you are simply protective, platonic, a natural sense of responsibility for you. That becomes more and more difficult to convince himself of, the more excited he becomes around you, the more he finds his eyes drawn to whatever bits of skin are exposed on your body, finding himself drifting off to impure thoughts, trying to push them away.

Second, once he's forced to acknowledge the true nature of these feelings, he'll simply practice restraint, something he's rather good at in this area. He tries, he really does. He tells himself he can't do something so impure, that it would violate you, that he should be ashamed of himself for it. It becomes more and more and more difficult to restrain himself with time, the feelings rising and the thoughts become more difficult to push away, eventually entertaining the fantasies in his head in an attempt to rid himself of the urge in real life. It doesn't work, no, it only makes the urges worse, and he can't be around you without his body nearly commanding him to do something. And finally, he'll take a different stance entirely, telling himself that, no, it's not going to corrupt you, rather, it's taking care of you. If he really wants to love you, really wants to care for all of your needs, then surely that would include your physical needs, and therefore, really, it would be wrong of him not to help you.

As that shift in viewpoints goes on, he'll become more and more bold, hands lingering just a little longer, face coming just a little closer. It's a slow build of tension, just waiting to boil over.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

He understands you're nervous. Again, no matter how experienced you are, somehow in his head he makes it out to be insignificant. Even if you've had other relationships, he convinces himself - and tries to convince you - that they were inadequate, they didn't care about you, not like he does. And he'll treat it as that -- any resistance you put up is nervousness, nothing more, nothing less. He'll reassure you a million times that you won't feel pain, that he'll be gentle, that you'll feel good, even if his size and strength frankly is rather intimidating regardless of experience. He'll keep cooing in your ear, softly whispering reassurance, softly running hands over your skin, holding you in place as the last inch stretches you apart.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Infantilization

Again, no matter how smart, experienced, and capable you may be, you're none of those things to him. You're a fragile, little thing. He has to take care of you at all times. It may not be evident at first, and he himself likely doesn't fully realize it, but there is something highly sexual to this for him. Caring for you puts him in a position of dominance, control. It gives him access to your privacy, dressing you up, fingers running over your skin, bathing you, watching your skin glisten. He'll talk to you in this way, too, often softly, remarking every little way in which you need him, and even condescendingly so. He wants you to be his, not only in a sense of love, but of possession.

Oral

Primarily giving. Even on its own, he loves the taste, but the effect it has on you makes it that much better. He loves anything that forces you to depend on him entirely for pleasure, that puts you at his mercy. And he'll be torturous about it too, restraining your arms and legs so you can't control anything, hold your hips down so you can't roll into him, so that only he can determine exactly how much pressure and speed you get. And he won't rush it, no, he'll go so slowly it's torturous, and telling you very simply that if you want any more, you'll have to beg.

Edging

For a variety of reasons. The power trip is as exhilarating as it is pleasurable, but he also loves watching your body writhe. Each little muscle that moves under the flesh when your arms strain against his hand holding your wrists together, the convulsing of your stomach muscles, the way your toes curl and legs spasm and the sweet little whimpers you make when he draws back just short of your high. He's mastered watching your reactions, knowing exactly when to stop, even if you try to mask it. He'll want you to tell him, though, nonetheless, tell him when you're close, if for nothing else but the sense of you obeying his commands.

Collaring

Similarly to infantilization, it gives him something of a sense of control, of possession. He loves seeing his name engraved on it, marking the whole of your being with his ownership. In his somewhat rare moments of roughness, he'll want to pull on it, use it to draw you towards him, in a moment of your defiance, in particular. If you're being mouthy, whiny, disobedient, and you finally make him snap, especially if you try to walk away from him, he'll yank you back with force, pulling you close to him, and when the force of it shuts you up, changes your demeanor, forces you to acknowledge your submission - the satisfaction he'll get from that is incomparable.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

As much as he likes the idea, to him, you're already like a child, naive and fragile. Could your body even handle a pregnancy, a birth? He'd likely try to avoid it, but in the end, if it happened by accident anyway, rest assured you'd be getting the best care of any woman to ever be pregnant in Teyvat, and he'd do everything in his power to ensure you were always comfortable, taking his caretaking to another level, almost never even letting you get up, insisting you stay still and calm and needy.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

He'd be one to pull the "it doesn't hurt you as much as it does me" line, but really, even if he refuses to admit it to his own self, having you bent over his lap is just as much for his own enjoyment as it is a disciplinary measure. It's more humiliating than it is painful -- he'd hold back, afraid of hurting you with his strength, but taking in every little flinch and whimper you make as he brings his hand down on your ass, keeping your head pressed down, kneading at the flesh. He'd insist it's the most effective punishment measure, but you can feel the hard-on digging into your stomach. The worse the behavior, the worse the beating, but every time, after it's over, he'll hold you upright, wiping the tears from your eyes and asking you if you learned you lesson, if you intend to do it again, and smiling when you insist you won't.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Your skin. It's beautiful, and he loves the way that light from the moon and sun look on your naked form. He loves the way your skin feels, soft and delicate, smooth, so paper thin and fragile, and so, so deliciously prone to showing marks from the slightest of harm - a simple smack can make the plump flesh darkened and reddened, the lightest suckling will leave beautiful hickeys all down your neck and chest. There are so many ways to mark his property, to stake a visible claim all over you, it's irresistible.

He also will go out of his way, when picking out all the things he wants you to wear, to find colors that best go with your skin tone, in a contrasting sense - particularly lacey, sheer things that contrast very well, so he can see your soft flesh perfectly defined against the little lace patterns.

#yandere x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere zhongli #tw: noncon #tw: dark content

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soundsfaebutokay · 3 years ago

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youtube

So I've recc'd this video before, but it deserves its own post because it's one of my favorite things on youtube. It's a Tedx Talk by comics writer, editor, and journalist Jay Edidin, and I really think that it will connect with a lot of people here.

If you live and breathe stories of all kinds, you might like this.

If you care about media representation, you might like this.

If you're neurodivergent, you might like this.

If you're interested in a gender transition story that veers from the norm, you might like this.

If you love the original Leverage and especially Parker, and understand how important it is that a character like her exists, you will definitely like this.

Transcript below the cut:

You Are Here: The Cartography of Stories

by Jay Edidin

I am autistic. And what this means in practice is that there are some things that are easier for me than they are for most people, and a great many things that are somewhat harder, and these affect my life in more or less overt ways. As it goes, I'm pretty lucky. I've been able to build a career around special interests and granular obsession. My main gig at the moment is explaining superhero comics continuity and publishing history for which work I am somehow paid in actual legal currency—which is both a triumph of the frivolous in an era of the frantically pragmatic, and a job that's really singularly suited to my strengths and also to my idiosyncrasies.

I like comics. I like stories in general, because they make sense to me in ways that the rest of the world and my own mind often don't. Self-knowledge is not an intuitive thing for me. What sense of self I have, I've built gradually and laboriously and mostly through long-term pattern recognition. For decades, I didn't even really have a self-image. If you'd asked me to draw myself, I would eventually have given you a pair of glasses and maybe a very messy scribble of hair, and that would've been about it. But what I do know—backwards, forwards, and in pretty much every way that matters—are stories. I know how they work. I understand their language, their complex inner clockwork, and I can use those things to extrapolate a sort of external compass that picks up where my internal one falls short. Stories—their forms, their structure, the sense of order inherent to them—give me the means to navigate what otherwise, at least for me, would be an impassable storm of unparsable data. Or stories are a periscope, angled to access the parts of myself I can't intuitively see. Or stories are a series of mirrors by which I can assemble a composite sketch of an identity I rarely recognize whole...which is how I worked out that I was transgender, in my early thirties, by way of a television show.

This is my story. And it's about narrative cartography, and representation, and why those things matter. It's about autism and it's about gender and it's about how they intersect. And it's about the kinds of people we know how to see, and the kinds of people we don't. It's not the kind of story that gets told a lot, you might hear a lot, because the narrative around gender transition and dysphoria in our culture is really, really prescriptive. It's basically the story of the kid who has known for their whole life that they're this and not that, and that story demands the kind of intuitive self-knowledge that I can't really do, and a kind of relationship to gender that I don't really have—which is part of why it took me so long to figure my own stuff out.

So, to what extent this story, my story has a beginning, it begins early in 2014 when I published an essay titled, "I See Your Value Now: Asperger's and the Art of Allegory." And it explored, among other things, the ways that I use narrative and narrative structures to navigate real life. And it got picked up in a number of fairly prominent places that got linked, and I casually followed the ensuing discussion. And I was surprised to discover that readers were fairly consistently assuming I was a man. Now, that in itself wasn't a new experience for me, even though at the time I was writing under a very unambiguously female byline. It had happened in the letter columns of comics I'd edited. It had happened when a parody Twitter account I'd created went viral. When I was on staff at Wired, I budgeted for fancy scotch by putting a dollar in a box every time a reader responded in a way that made it clear they were assuming I was a man in response to an article where my name was clearly visible, and then I had to stop doing that because it happened so often I couldn't afford to keep it up. But in all of those cases, the context, you know, the reasons were pretty obvious. The fields I'd worked in, the beats I covered, they were places where women had had to fight disproportionally hard for visibility and recognition. We live in a culture that assumes a male default, so given a neutral voice and a character limit, most readers will assume a male author.

But this was different, because this wasn't just a book I'd edited, it wasn't a story I'd reported—it was me, it was my story. And it made me uncomfortable, got under my skin in ways that the other stuff really hadn't. And so I did what I do when that happens, and I tried to sort of reverse-engineer it to look at the conclusions and peel them back to see the narratives behind them and the stories that made them tick. And I started this, I started this by going back to the text of the essay, and you know, examining it every way I could think of: looking at craft, looking at content. And in doing so, I was surprised to realize that while I had written about a number of characters with whom I identified closely, that every single one of those characters I'd written about was male. And that surprised me even more than the responses to the essay had, because I've spent my career writing and talking and thinking about gender and representation in popular media. In 2014, I'd been the feminist gadfly of an editorial department and multiple mastheads. I'd been a founding board member of an organization that existed to advocate for more and better representation of women and girls in comics characters and creators. And most of my favorite characters, the ones I'd actively seek out and follow, were women. Just not, apparently, the characters I saw myself in.

Now I still didn't realize it was me at this point. Remember: self-knowledge, not very intuitive for me. And while I had spent a lot of time thinking about gender, I'd never really bothered to think much about my own. I knew academically that the way other people read and interpreted my gender affected and had influenced a lifetime of social and professional interactions, and that those in turn had informed the person I'd grown up into during that time. But I really believed, like I just sort of had in the back of my head, that if you peeled away all of that social conditioning, you'd basically end up with what I got when I tried to draw a self-portrait. So: a pair of glasses, messy scribble of hair, and in this case, maybe also some very strong opinions about the X-Men. I mean, I knew something was off. I'd always known something was off, that my relationship to gender was messy and uncomfortable, but gender itself struck me as messy and uncomfortable, and it had never been a large enough part of how I defined myself to really feel like something that merited further study, and I had deadlines, and...so it was always on the back burner. So, I looked, I looked at what I had, at this improbable group of exclusively male characters. And I looked and I figured that if this wasn't me, then it had to be a result of the stories I had access to, to choose from, and the entertainment landscape I was looking at. And the funny thing is, I wasn't wrong, exactly. I just wasn't right either.

See, the characters I'd written about had one other significant trait in common aside from their gender, which is that they were all more or less explicitly, more or less heavily coded as autistic. And I thought, "Ah, yes. This explains it. This is under representation in fiction echoing under representation in life and vice versa." Because the characteristics that I'd honed in on, that I particularly identified with in these guys, were things like emotional unavailability and social awkwardness and granular obsession, and all of those are characteristics that are seen as unsympathetic and therefore unmarketable in female characters. Which is also why readers were assuming that I was a man.

Because, you see, here's the thing. I'm not the only one who uses stories to navigate the world. I'm just a little more deliberate about it. For humans, stories formed the bridge between data and understanding. They're where we look when we need to contextualize something new, or to recognize something we're pretty sure we've seen before. They're how we identify ourselves; they're how we locate ourselves and each other in the larger world. There were no fictional women like me; there weren't representations of women like me in media, and so readers were primed not to recognize women like me in real life either.

Now by this point, I had started writing a follow-up essay, and this one was also about autism and narratives, but specifically focused on how they intersected with gender and representation in media. And in context of this essay, I went about looking to see if I could find even one female character who had that cluster of traits I'd been looking for, and I was asking around in autistic communities. And I got a few more or less useful one-off suggestions, and some really, really splendid arguments about semantics and standards, and um...then I got one answer over and over and over in community after community after community. "Leverage," people told me. "You have to watch Leverage."

So I watched Leverage. Leverage is five seasons of ensemble heist drama. It's about a team of very skilled con artists who take down corrupt and powerful plutocrats and the like, and it's a lot of fun, and it's very clever, and it's clever enough that it doesn't really matter that it's pretty formulaic, and I enjoyed it a lot. But what's most important, what Leverage has is Parker.

Parker is a master thief, and she is the best of the best of the best in ways that all of Leverage's characters are the best of the best. And superficially, she looks like the kind of woman you see on TV. So she's young, and she's slender, and she's blonde, and she's attractive but in a sort of approachable way. And all of that familiarity is brilliant misdirection, because the thing is, there are no other women like Parker on TV. Because Parker—even if it's never explicitly stated in the show—Parker is coded incredibly clearly as autistic. Parker is socially awkward. Her speech tends to have limited inflection; what inflection it does have is repetitive and sounds rehearsed a lot of the time. She's not emotionally literate; she struggles with it, and the social skills she develops over the series, she learns by rote, like they're just another grift. When she's not scaling skyscrapers or cartwheeling through laser grids, she wears her body like an ill-fitting suit. Parker moves like me. And Parker, Parker was a revelation—she was a revolution unto herself. In a media landscape where unempathetic women usually exist to either be punished or "loved whole," Parker got to play the crabby savant. And she wasn't emotionally intuitive but it was never ever played as the product of abuse or trauma even though she had survived both of those—it was just part of her, as much as were her hands or her eyes. And she had a genuine character arc. My god, she had a genuine romantic arc, even. And none of that required her to turn into anything other than what she was. And in Parker I recognized a thousand tics and details of my life and my personality...but. I didn't recognize myself.

Why? What difference was there in Parker, you know, between Parker and the other characters I'd written about? Those characters, they'd spanned ethnicities and backgrounds and different media and appearances and the only other characteristic they all had in common was their gender. So that was where I started to look next, and I thought, "Well, okay, maybe, maybe it's masculinity. Maybe if Parker were less feminine, she'd click with me the way those other characters had." So then I tried to imagine a Parker with short hair, who's explicitly butch, and...nothing. So okay, I extended it in what seems like the only logical direction to extend it. I said, "Well, if it's not masculinity, what if it's actual maleness? What if Parker were a man?" Ah. Yeah.

In the end, everything changed, and nothing changed, which is often the way that it goes for me. Add a landmark, no matter how slight, and the map is irrevocably altered. Add a landmark, and paths that were invisible before open wide. Add a landmark, and you may not have moved, but suddenly you know where you are and where you can go.

I wasn't going to tell this story when I started planning this talk. I was gonna tell a similar story, it was about stories, like this is, about narratives and the ways that they influence our culture and vice versa. And it centered around a group of women at NASA who had basically rewritten the narrative around space exploration, and it was a lot more fun, and I still think it was more interesting. But it's also a story you can probably work out for yourselves. In fact it's a story some of you probably have, if you follow that kind of thing, which you probably do given that you're here. And this is a story, my story is not a story that I like to tell. It's not a fun story to talk about because it's very personal and I am a very private person. And it's not universal. And it's not always relatable, and it's definitely not aspirational. And it's not the kind of story that you tend to encounter unless you're already part of it...which is why I'm telling it now. Because the thing is, I'm not the only person who uses stories to parse the world and navigate it. I'm just a little more deliberate. Because I'm tired of having to rely on composite sketches.

Open your maps. Add a landmark. Reroute accordingly.

#Jay Edidin #LGBTQ #autism #mind and body #gender norms #why humans need stories #Leverage #Parker #Abby posts Leverage #my faves #Youtube #I did my best with the transcript #sorry for any mistakes

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