#(and just watch me post this and get blocked by like 3 new followers bc they have no reading comprehension in the world just watch)

[butchviking]

can i just say. a whole lot of ppl who dont even follow me have clicked thru to specifically like/rb this addition i put on this post. meanwhile op blocked me like right away. i swear like at LEAST 80% of ppl who get called terfs are normal about trans ppl and can follow them talk 2 them share interests hang out whatever w no issue. but y'all are so FUCKING WEIRD about feminists its absolutely fucking insane. ppl in notes talking about how avoiding feminists is a safety precaution bc theyre soooo hateful and violent. my sibling in christ not only is this the internet and they cant hurt u but they are TELLING you in DROVES that they do not hate u. why are u so determined for there to be such a chasm between us!! why do you have to pretend they hate you and want u dead and whatever and HOW can u keep believing that no matter how many times u are told point-blank that it's not true!! i will never understand this i will never understand this i will never understand this

[star-girl69]

Caught You Girl

Georgia Amoore x Fem!Reader

—-

synopsis: georgia fiercely defends what is hers

also hi new pfp 😝

a/n: sorry for not posting in 10 years lol… shoutout to my wifey @cosmopretty bc she helped me w this 🫶 also the pictures at the beginning are from her…. tbh this fic would not exist without her everyone say thank you! this is also so bad but it’s ok ❤️

Caught You Boy - Lana Del Rey (Unreleased)

warnings: mentions of sex, lots of swearing, that’s it i think but lmk if i missed anything!!

—-

@/georgiaamoore my girlfriend is hotter than you and smarter than you and just better tbh (anyways happy 6 months my sweet girl can’t believe we kept it hidden for this long)

y/n.l/n it’s sweet that you think so highly of me but i thought you knew… i’m straight…

georgiaamoore @y/n.l/n bloody hell spare me

kamoreaarnold SOOO WHEN WE GETTING YOUR GIRL ON THE LIVE

y/n.l/n @kamoreaarnold wait i’m important enough to be on a KK ARNOLD LIVE????

kamoreaarnold @y/n.l/n GIRL YES WTF??

user-1 OKAYYYY HARD LAUNCH 😍

user-2 WHO STOLE MY WIFE.

user-3 @/user-2 she’s @y/n.l/n and did you not read the caption? she’s better than you

user-4 let me in there 😫😫

user-5 OMG I’m so happy for y’all 🫶

nika.muhl I feel like a proud mother

You are definitely not famous, despite the ten thousand followers that appeared out of nowhere, but your girlfriend and your friends definitely are.

You’ve been sitting on the floor for a few minutes now, KK Arnold’s phone propped up on the low coffee table in front of you, staring in shock at the rising viewers and the comments that pour in faster than you can read some of them.

Your jaw actually drops a bit when the viewer count hits 300.

You’re not famous. You’re not good in the spotlight. You’re awkward and you stutter over your words, you can’t get it out of your head how many people are watching you and analyzing everything you do.

You’re the new girl. The new person to pick apart.

And even worse, you’re Georgia’s girlfriend. And if the fans didn’t know about her official 6 month post, they can definitely see now that you’re more than friends.

Georgia has her arm wrapped around your shoulders, tucking you into her side- allowing you to feel like you’re hiding away from at least some of the prying eyes as you play with her other hand in her lap.

Her fingers softly work out nonexistent knots at the ends of your hair, and the comforting sound of her and KK’s laughs makes you feel a little bit calmer. You don’t quite forget that all the eyes are there, but they dull.

Another one of the girls here appears over KK’s shoulder, talking to the live, so Georgia turns to you. She presses a kiss to your forehead, keeping her lips there while she whispers softly.

It’s nice not having to worry about keeping your relationship hidden. It’s not like you wanted a secret relationship, it was actually Georgia’s idea. She wanted to make sure you were comfortable and all-in before she introduced you to the world of social media fame.

The one thing that’s not a secret, that’s never really been a secret, is how protective Georgia is.

You joke that it must be something to do with her being Australian, although you don’t really have an idea where that comes from.

She posted a few pictures of you in them, but she never tagged you, and your face was always pretty much hidden- she even posted a picture of the sunset and blocked out your face with her hand, laughing the entire time she did so at how ridiculous it was.

Even though you both knew there was no way she was taking that picture without covering your face.

Georgia didn’t want you to get spooked by how overbearing the fans could be- and she admitted that she selfishly wanted to keep you to herself. But you kinda wanted everyone to know that you were hers and she was yours.

And Georgia was always down for that.

You were trying it. And Georgia was there, at least. And you know you never have to worry about anything when she’s there.

“You okay, princess?”

“I’m fine,” you mumble back, careful not to let your lips move too much so the camera can’t tell what you’re saying.

“Yeah?” She says, squeezing your shoulder, prodding gently.

“I’m good,” you reassure her, smiling. You still feel kinda awkward, and she notices the way you look away from her.

“Are you sure, baby? Because if you’re not comfortable then I’ll end it right now. Or we can just leave altogether. We can grab food, if you’re hungry. Or just go home and sleep.”

“Hey, babe?”

“Yeah?” Her eyes are wide and concerned, her entire focus is poured onto you. Her eyes rake over your body language, her thumb rubs soothing circles into your shoulder, and your hand is caressed softly by hers.

“Stop spiraling.”

She smiles, squinting at you. “Hah. You’re funny.”

“I know I am. Seriously, though, I’m fine. I’ll tell you when I want to leave, okay?”

She’ll drag you away from this live at the first inkling of you wanting to leave. And even if you want to stay, she might drag you away anyways if she’s decided she’s done sharing.

She blinks for a long second.

“Okay, yeah. But seriously, tell me. Even if-”

“Georgia.”

She presses a quick kiss to your cheek, but when that does nothing to lift your unimpressed frown, she kisses your lips.

“Sorry?”

You roll your eyes, looking away from her as she kisses your cheek yet again, this time letting her lips linger. She’s about to say something, you can tell- probably jokingly beg for forgiveness, but you can’t help but notice KK’s side eye in the camera.

“Yes, KK?” You ask with a smile.

She crosses her arms and pouts. “Some of us are single, you know.”

“Awww,” the other girl coos, wrapping her arms around KK’s shoulders. “Is little KK feeling a little lonely? Does little baby need a hug?”

“Man, get off me,” KK says, still with a pout on her face, eyebrows furrowed. She props her elbows onto the coffee table while the rest of you burst into laughter at her antics. “Anyways. Y’all got any questions or anything?”

Georgia’s arm falls down from your shoulders to your waist, her nails lightly scratching your side.

“Who is the new girl?” KK reads off of the screen. “Y’all so rude, damn. This is Y/N, my new best friend and love of my life.”

You laugh, awkwardly waving to the screen.

“Y/N who are you?” KK reads another awkwardly worded comment.

Georgia makes a face and squeezes your waist, silently telling you that you don’t have to answer.

“Who am I? Um… I’m Y/N, I’m twenty-two, I’m in college right now…” You trail off, trying to think of something interesting to say. “My favorite color is pink?”

“Girl why was that a question?” KK laughs.

“I don’t know what to say!” You exclaim, gesturing to the phone. “There’s- oh, my God there’s 856 people on here. Why are you like really famous? Holy shit.”

“Thank you,” KK smiles, twirling a piece of her hair.

Georgia puts her free hand on the side of your face, angling you towards her as she narrows her eyes at the camera.

“She is also my girlfriend. So don’t get any ideas.”

“Girl, I think they can tell,” KK laughs, gesturing to the way you and Georgia are practically glued together.

Georgia shrugs. “I love my girlfriend.”

“We can tell.”

The comments immediately flood in. Some of them are talking about how cute the two of you are, a few of them are obvious jokes about you stealing everyone’s wife, but the one that sticks out to you isn’t anything like that.

wbblvr552022 THAT is georgia amoore’s gf? does she need her eyes checked 😭

You swallow, but thankfully there are so many comments pouring in that no one else seems to catch it.

“When’d you guys meet?” KK reads. “Oh, Q and A time, guys.”

Georgia immediately breaks out into a wide smile, contagious, one that makes you smile too.

She squeezes your waist in excitement before immediately launching into a dramatic retelling of her seeing you with your friends after a game, then her subtle way of inviting you to the next game in the set, then her subtle way of getting your number.

“And… the rest is history.”

KK laughs at the corny phrase, and you can’t help but smile either.

You lean forward to read more comments. “Oh, Georgia- what is your favorite thing about me?”

Georgia immediately presses her mouth into a line.

KK exaggeratedly turns towards the two of you, waiting patiently for an answer. “Don’t be shy, girly. I’m excited to hear this one.”

“I don’t think I should answer,” Georgia says, grimacing slightly. “Feels like a trap.”

“Well, there’s definitely wrong answers.” You pat her cheek with a smile. “C’mon, give it a try.”

“Umm… everything.”

You hum, pretending to think about it. “I’ll accept it.”

“What?” She asks, her eyes wide. “What the fuck is the right answer, then?”

You press your finger to her lips, shushing her. “Don’t worry about it, babe. You’ll get it one day.”

She rolls her eyes, but kisses the pad of your finger pressed against her lips. You can’t help but smile, wondering if the camera picked up that small movement- but you also find yourself not really caring.

wbblvr552022 is it possible to have a favorite thing about y/n? girl is UGLY

user-1 @wbblvr552022 hey this is actually insane!

user-2 @wbblvr552022 wtf is wrong w u?

You frown.

You can’t keep the look off of your face, you can’t help the sudden tightness in your chest and the thoughts facing through your mind.

Why are they so mean? What did you ever do to them? Are they just jealous? Or are they just right?

Do you deserve Georgia?

KK, surprisingly, is the first to notice your frown in the reflection. Her eyes meet yours, and she doesn’t say anything for a second.

She subtlety covers her mouth with her hand.

“You good?”

You’re really thankful that Georgia has suddenly turned away from the two of you to talk over her shoulder with a few girls behind you. You don’t even know their names, you don’t even care.

You smile in response.

You grab Georgia’s free hand, and she automatically tightens her arm around your waist. You tuck yourself into her, breathing in her comforting scent.

She turns back to the camera, barely even noticing the way you’re tucked into her- she’s just happy you’re touching her. You watch her smile at the camera and feel her squeeze your hand.

“Y/N’s sad?” She suddenly asks. She frowns at the screen, and your eyes widen-

user-1 y/n disappearing into georgia over there 😭😭😭

user-2 @/user-1 GOD they’re so cute i cant

user-3 y/n looks kinda sad tho??

user-1 wait you’re right y/n girl what’s wrong

You make a face and do your best to brush it off.

“I’m just tired.” You swear Georgia can hear the lie. “Thank you guys for worrying, though.” You flash the camera a bright smile and a thumbs-up.

wbblvr552022 GIRL put those chompers away 😭

user-1 @wbblvr552022 HELLO???? YALL SEEING THIS?

Georgia is not convinced that you’re okay. You can tell. She’s kinda tense against you, and she keeps looking towards the door like she’s ready to just throw you over her shoulder and leave.

She tries to meet your eyes, but you’re persistent in avoiding her, instead staring at yourself in the camera. You know that as soon as she looks at you, she’ll see it in your eyes. The bit of doubt you can’t hide.

What if they’re just right?

She suddenly squints at the camera, her eyes narrowing as she grabs it- despite KK’s protest- scrolling up as your heart slams in your chest.

“The fuck?”

The pure venom she spits those simple words out with makes KK stop trying to get her phone back.

“Georgia-” You start, squeezing the hand you’re still holding- she lets go of your hand to hold the phone.

“Sorry,” she mutters, her eyes scanning over the comments.

user-1 nice up close view i see

user-2 you got something in your nose queen

wbblvr552022 break up w your ugly ass girlfriend… cause im bored 🎶

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

“Um, hey… G?” KK starts, confused and smiling in a slightly scared way. “What’s goin’ on..?”

user-1 who the fuck is @wbblvr552022 and why have they been literally bullying y/n in the chat…

Your heart is beating so fast right now it’s roaring in your ears. Something inside of you just knows that the only way someone could get this kind of reaction out of Georgia is if they hurt you.

And as much as you hate to admit it, your heart keeps snagging on something in your chest. It does kinda hurt, as much as you want to rise above it.

Georgia hands KK’s phone back to her. She turns to you. Fuck.

“You saw those, didn’t you?”

“Georgia,” you sigh, wrapping your arms around yourself. “It’s just some random person on the internet. Yes, I saw it, but it doesn’t matter what they say, right?”

Your words sound confident and mature, and maybe if your voice could have displayed that too then Georgia would have let it go.

But you’re lying to her- and yourself.

It does fucking bother you, it does make you feel like shit- it makes you want to never go in front of a camera again.

“It’s nothing.”

You finally meet her eyes.

Maybe her being this pissed off should scare you, or concern you- but honestly? The fire in her eyes only ignites a fire inside of you. Deep in your stomach.

“It’s not fucking nothing, the fuck? No, no one gets to treat you like that. No one gets to make you sad.”

You put your hand on her face.

“Babe, it’s really sweet that you want to protect me, but you’re just gonna drag it out and make it worse, yeah? Okay? I appreciate it and I love you, but it’s okay.”

She looks away from you, trying to take a deep breath that sounds more like a pissed-off huff, and your heart is still fucking snagging on something-

“You love me, right?”

You blurt it out before you can even think, all small and insecure, chasing her love and affection that you know you have. At least, you should know you have it. But it’s like something inside of you screaming that you just need to hear it, that she loves you, and you know you’ll regret it forever if you don’t hear her say it right now.

“Fuck this,” Georgia says, practically hissing the words.

She sticks her hand out and KK- who sweetly has been doing her best to not listen to the conversation- gives the phone back.

Georgia props the camera up again, angling it so it’s only on her.

“I’m not fuckin’ playing, okay? I don’t know what the fuck is your problem, but I will literally kill you if you keep saying shit about my girlfriend.” She laughs dryly, but everyone knows there’s nothing funny about the look in her eyes and the conviction in her words. “Don’t talk about her, don’t think about her- don’t worry about my girl, she’s good with me. Worry about yourself when I fucking find you.”

She lets the phone fall back onto the table, crossing her arms, and you can tell that there’s still thoughts racing through her head.

KK slowly grabs the phone.

“Well… y’all heard her. I think it’s time to go, though… so, bye-bye girly-pops!”

She presses a button and closes her phone, and you watch the screen turn to black.

“Well,” you start, looking between Georgia and KK. “That was… something!”

Georgia sighs, itching her nose. “Sorry, baby.”

“Excuse?” KK asks.

Georgia barely cracks a smile. “Sorry, KK.”

“So… uhm… what the fuck happened?”

Georgia gestures towards the phone, huffing. “Someone was talking shit about Y/N. Like, calling her ugly, I- fuck.” She takes a deep breath. “Yeah.”

“Man, really? I’m sorry, Y/N- I would have blocked them if I saw it.”

You smile. “It’s not your fault, K. And it’s not that big of a deal, really. I mean, it sucks, but whatever. I should get used to it, right?”

Georgia laughs. “No. I am never posting you again. I’m never letting you be in a live ever again. They can’t treat you right then they don’t get to see you.”

KK makes a face that forces you to stifle a giggle. “Okay, Ms. Possessive-and-Controlling.”

She smiles. “Is that a bad thing?”

Your cheeks suddenly feel hot, because it’s really not. And you know Georgia is mostly speaking out of anger- she’s not really gonna keep you hidden from the world of social media. She might, for a week or two, but then she’ll probably forget.

“It’s been a lot of fun, KK, but maybe Georgia and I should go home..?”

Suddenly, she has the biggest grin on her face.

—-

Laying with Georgia in your comfy bed, wrapped in comfy blankets, shrouded by darkness with her chest as your pillow is probably where you feel safest. Nothing can reach you here. Social media or physical, you’re completely safe in her arms and the darkness.

“Happy?” You mutter into the darkness, smiling as you think of how mad she was just an hour ago.

“I’m really bloody happy, actually.”

“Very long night of sharing me, huh? Poor baby.”

“I agree,” she yawns. “We shouldn’t ever go out again. We should just stay in this amazing bed.”

“Okay, baby,” you mutter with an eye roll, humoring her.

“Y/N,” she says after a blissful moment. You can hear it in her voice. The concern, the hesitation. “I love you. I love you so much sometimes I’m kinda convinced you put a spell on me. Like, it shouldn’t be possible to love someone this much.”

You smile.

“I’ve caught you in my web,” you tease. “But you walked right into it.”

“Yeah, I did,” she laughs. “But I love you. You shouldn’t have to question that. I’m not doing my job as your girlfriend if you do.”

She kisses your forehead.

“All I want is for you to be happy… right next to me, though.”

You sit up, placing your hands on her chest as you swing one of your legs over her waist.

“I don’t have any plans of leaving. Do you?”

Her hands immediately move to rub up and down you thighs.

“Nope. Also, I change my mind. I want you to be happy on top of me. Or under me, I’m not picky.”

You laugh, leaning down so you can kiss her nose. You hands work out knots in her perpetually tense shoulders.

“Always thinkin’ about sex,” you mutter.

“Always thinkin’ ‘bout you,” she corrects. “And fucking you.”

You’re about to kiss her when she suddenly pulls back.

“You’re sure you’re good?”

You smile at her sweet concern for you.

“Yes, Georgia, I’m good. I mean… I felt kinda shitty for a second. Doubting that I was good enough for you- it’s silly. I know I am. And I’m… trying not to care about what they think.”

She brushes some hair behind your ear, nodding.

“You know I love you, right?” She smiles when she says it, because both of you know she tells you and shows you possibly too much.

“I know you love me,” you smile, your lips ghosting over hers. “I love you, too, my basketball star.” You press a kiss to the corner of her lips- then her chin, and you’re about to kiss her neck-

“As sexy as that is, I still want to show you how much I love you. You doubted I loved you today. We can’t have that happening.”

She sits up, and you sit back on your heels, rolling your eyes. “I know you love me. It was a millisecond, babe-”

Her hands squeeze your waist.

“Why don’t you just shut your pretty mouth and lay on your back?” She kisses your neck, that one special place that only she knows to kiss, the place that she found by loving you and now covets like treasure.

A moan immediately spills out of your mouth.

“I can do that,” you breathe, reveling in the way her hands feel as she helps you lay back.

“I know you can, baby,” she smiles. “Be a good girl, now, yeah? Let me love you.”

You’re really fucking glad that you caught this girl.

—-

[nothing-tolose]

Foolish One.

warning: reader being so dumb bcs she always ignores every signs and dreaming too much <3

if you have criticism and suggestions to me, you can just knock my dm or send it to inbox <3

a/n: this whole fic was messed up like REALLY REALLY MESSED UP please bear w me ;) have fun anw

wc: 6K

daily click

Cards are on the table. It's way past midnight, yet the living room is bathed in light, and laughs from your friends all over the room. Here you are, having a sleepover for four nights with your friends and now playing UNO cards with them. None of you all can sleep, that's why now you were sitting on the dining chair, with three cards on your hand.

"Ellie! It's your turn!"

You glanced at Ellie, who was sitting across the table, as Sophie called out her name. God, you couldn't help yourself but screaming inside your heart as you saw her smile on her face. Those freckles on her face, green emerald eyes, and the scar on her eyebrow, she literally got your attention.

You knew that you were already fell in love with her, ever since you saw her on Aimee's instagram story 3 months ago. Head over heels even. But one thing you can't help it from yourself everytime you fall in love, you were too afraid to reach her out. Of course, your friends giving you a lot of advice so you wouldn't be afraid to start a conversation with Ellie. You already tried on their advice, such as texting her through direct messagw but always ended up you delete it before you could even send the text.

So many negative thoughts when you tried to reach her. What if she doesn't like me? What if she call me a freak? What if she hates me? A countless what-ifs lives rent free on your mind. And it explains why you weren't close enough with Ellie, you were too afraid and too shy to start a conversation.

You knew all about her from your friends. They'd tell you what's her interest, what she likes and hates, what she afraid of, and so much more. You do realize that you can't just got her news only from your friends, so you've been following her instagram account by your not really a suspicious fake account named @/16candlesf00l. Thank God her account isn't a private account, and thank God she didn't block your account!

You've also been following her TikTok with another fake account since she was pretty famous there with around 8,000 followers she has, and that makes you can easily leave comments on every video she posts without worried about she's going to confused, you usually leaving comments like, "Oh, you're really pretty!" and other flirty remarks. Then one day, you comment, "Did you cut your hair?" and she responds with just "Yeah." Despite her brief reply, you respond enthusiastically with "Should we get married?"

A single word, 'Yeah,' had already sent you into an hour of rolling on your bed, giggling, and playfully kicking your feet against the pillows.

She didn't reply to your comment after that, and you didn't mind. At least there was a bit of interaction with you, right?

"Hey!"

Snapped back to the reality by Cassandra's tap on your shoulder, she leaned in and whispered to you, "Girl, I know you're head over heels for Ellie, but how long are you going to just stare at her, huh?"

"What-" You cast a quick glance at Ellie, unable to believe what Cassandra had just said. Yet there she was, looking back at you with that slight smile on her lips, her fingers idly playing with the cards in her hand. It was clear she had been watching you for at least a minute or two.

You quickly turned your head left and right, let out an awkward chuckle to Cassandra. Oh really, you lost your words.

"Uh- Cass- I.. Uhm, what color-" You stuttered, you started feel like this situation was fucking embarrassing especially when Ellie still looking at you, not moving even for a second. Cassandra and the others waiting you pull out your cards.

And for God's sake, you really wanted to hide yourself in a closet right now.

"Hey, why did you stuttered? It's blue, go pull out your card, babe!" Cass slapped your back (not in verbally way obviously. Immediately you pulled out your card, you didn't see the number first but the color.

You saw Ellie suddenly get up from her chair, she handed her cards to Chloe who's already won the game first, "Chloe, can you play my cards for me? Em—" she stopped, clearing her throat before she continued, "I have an emergency, I'll be back later,"

Chloe just nodded without giving her a glance, hands taking the cards. Meanwhile your eyes were never leaving her gesture leaving the dining room to backyard porch.

3 hours passed after the moment where you got caught by your friends for staring at Ellie for too long. Everyone was asleep, except you. It was really really boring because you're being the only one who can't sleep, meanwhile everyone is drowning in their own sweet dream.

The silence in Sophie's bedroom was so quiet that the ticking of the clock feels so loud here. You get up from the bed really slow and careful as you didn't want  to disturb Cassandra's sleep, as she was a light sleeper. As you made my way out of the bedroom, you cast anxious glances at Cassandra, concerned that the door might creak loudly upon opening.

You turned your heels towards the backyard porch, then leaning your back against the fence. Your hands grabbed a cigarette and lighter from your pocket. As you took a drag, you sighed, your mind replaying the moment from two hours earlier. After revealing your cards, Ellie had turn aside her gaze, yet you couldn't shake the feeling that she was stealing glances at you every few minutes.

Okay, maybe you're really delusional.

"I thought I'm the only one who couldn't sleep?"

You fixed your position and looking around to find where the voice came from, an that's when you spotted Ellie from the house, pulling on her gray hoodie as she stepped to you. Did she just talking to you? Like, for the first time ever?

Jesus, 'No fucking way,'

You chuckled, "I guess my eyes weren't in the mood for sleep," you said. She joined you, resting her arms on the railing right beside you. "So," you said as you turned and tossed the cigarette into the trash bin below the porch, "What keeps you awake from sleeping? I mean, it's three in the morning and everyone else is asleep except us."

"I don't know," she shrugged her shoulders, and you tilted your head, "You don't know?"

"Yeah, I just… I don't even know what I'm doing before I realize it's already 3 AM. I guess I was thinking about something, getting lost in it, and then I forgot it once I realized I'm still awake," As she spoke, her smile broadened and she turned her head towards you, her gaze firmly fixed on yours.

You nodded in response. You couldn't look at her directly for fear of blushing, even as you sensed her gaze from the corner of your eye. Deep down in your mind, you found it hard to believe what had just happened. The girl you had a crush on since three months ago, the girl you always adored from afar because you were too shy and afraid, the girl you've been flirted on her TikTok post comment section are the same girl who just talking to you a few seconds ago.

The atmosphere turned really awkward when neither of you continued the conversation. The only sounds were from the insects on the ground and the occasional car passing by on the street. You humming, for at least the situation wouldn't be too awkward if you do that.. maybe.

Ellie opened her mouth, "How did you met Sophie?"

"Hm?" you glance at her and gasped the next second, "Oh, Sophie! I thought you were speaking some words," you fall silent, hummed, and let out a little chuckle from your lips, "I've known her since the first year; she was my first friend at school before she introduced me to Aimee, Cassandra, and Chloe. We've gotten along ever since… until today. And.. what about you?"

"Sophie has been my friend since childhood, we were on the same school when I was 7, her dad was my father's fishing buddy for years and we were on the same neighborhood. Now she's more like my.. older sister," she stopped, before pull herself away from the railing, "But whenever I'm with her, it feels as though I'm speaking to an old woman who lives for a long time. She told everything to me, the dos and don'ts, and even offers five minutes of advice whenever she thinks I need it!"

You groans between your laugh, "Really? No way, she did the same thing to me all the time! She's truly the mom, isn't she? Oh, you know what? One day I was scammed by someone claiming to sell tickets for my favorite singer's tour. I ended up losing about 200 bucks, they blocked my numbers and didn't say anything! And she—"

"Wait, 200?!" Ellie interrupted, her tone a mix of surprise and shock. You nodded and chuckled as you saw her mouth fall open. "That's… quite a lot," she added.

"I know! Jeez, I was so dumb at that time, and Sophie was the first person I told, and she really scolded me for an entire day. She keeps bringing it up in the middle of any conversation, as if I didn't hear her the first time," you paused for a moment, taking a breath before continuing, "She even said things like 'I told you so, I damn well told you!', 'If only you had been patient, you wouldn't have been scammed', and 'With that money, you could've bought your precious expensive book,' ugh, I wasn't born for those words!" you imitated Sophie's voice, laughing lightly as you did.

You both laughed, the conversation continues as you both found a lot common in each other's interests when you mentioned your favorite comic book. You swore she's the sweetest when she's talking, eyes always locked on you, the funniest jokes she tossed, it all raises your hopes too high. Two hours flew by, until you started feeling sleepy and decided to head back to the bedroom, but when you were already laying down, the sleepy instantly gone.

You were talking to yourself in whispers before you asleep, mind keep thinking about Ellie and there was no any signs to stop thinking about her. So many wishful thoughts and imagines if you were dating her. Yet, no matter how long you could keeping her in your mind, there's always some voices showed up in your head and saying such things like;

'You really never learned from your past,'

'There's so many girls out there who maybe caught her attention,'

'It'd seem so sad if you're the only one who fell to her and she's not.'

'Aren't you afraid if she end up with someone who's not you like how the last time you fell in love?'

And you really hate those voices, trying to block them all out without giving a single damn to it. Instead, you tried to believe that things will work out with Ellie, unlike the last time when you fell for Robin—the girl who started dating someone else the day after you confessed your feelings to her.

No, you're not going to end up the same like that. Not now, not with Ellie.

"What if she confesses her feelings to me?" you mumbled, biting your lower lip as you began giggling and buried your face in the pillow, "God, I'm so fucking delusional!" although you said that, you couldn't stop for imagining if she were tell you about her feelings, going on a date to somewhere, chilling at her house or yours, and discussing about every novel you both likes.

It was so.. cute, you thought. However, you didn't realize that you were projecting those images as hopes onto yourself and it'd lead you to breaking down if you weren't aware.

You push the pillow away from your face, shifting into a side-lying position. A smile remains ever-present on your lips. You breathe in and out slowly, then closed your eyes, it's literally five in the morning and you haven't sleep.

"Have a good sleep, Ellie,"

Ugh, you did not.

Two months down the line. Returning home from Sophie's holiday house was quite late, a full day after everyone else had left. You had the option to ride with Cassandra or take up Ellie's offer, but you were waiting for your mom, who had promised to pick you up. She didn't show up for four hours, then she texted you that she would be a bit late, and you ended up waiting her until the next afternoon.

You've called her phone countless times, but she never answers. You can't turn to your dad for help either, as he's been in Greece for three months. And your brother? He would never waste his time just for drive ten hours from his place to Sophie's home and then take you to your apartment.

So, how did you managed to get home?

Ellie came back the next night after Sophie mentioned you to her. You were overwhelmed with guilt for having declined her offer to drive you home the day before, especially since she returned just to take you home, facing a five-hour drive. She knew you weren't really in a mood after waiting literally a night for your mom who texted you that she couldn't pick you up after you were already with Ellie. She knew that. That's why she made a stop at convenience store, bought a lot of foods and drinks before taking you to the closest beach for some relaxation.

You've been getting along with Ellie. Ever since the day she made sure you got home safely by driving you home, there hasn't been a day without texting, talking, and even meeting up with her. And indeed, for heaven's sake, she made you fall deeper for her, more than ever. The way she acts around you, the way she talked to you, the way she is paying her attention at you every time you tell her your story. She really keeps your hopes still high.

She always asks you to go out at least three or four nights a week, and you've never said no. After all, it's not a waste of time when the girl you have a crush on—the same one you always comment on her posts—is asking you out. Every time you went out with her, she was incredibly sweet, as if you were girlfriends. But sometimes, she'd leaving you too soon, she would be saying sorry because she had an emergency. And it wasn't just once. But you didn't mind at all since she still brought you out to any places.

Ellie would purchase everything for you; even when you babbled thoughtlessly, she would disappear for a bit and come back with an item you had mentioned in her hand. You have always warned her against purchasing such items without your consent-literally all the time, and although she agreed, she never heard your warning.

"I swear to God, Ellie. I just told you an hour ago to not buy me some things I babbled about!"

She smiled, "Oh.. really?" you scoffed, couldn't hide the smile from your lips, "You're smiling."

"Shut up, Williams!"

A couple weeks had gone by, you started to questioning yourself about what were you to her? Girlfriend? Or were you just trapped in situationship? The worse, you were only a friend to her. You couldn't find the answer. It seems like she might have the same feelings towards you. She made you flustered, made you felt like you were the luckiest person alive. On the other hand, she never mentioned what relationship you both are in right now. You couldn't even tell if you were deserve to feel hurt or not.

Despite everything, you know how to pretend you're fine when you're hurt, right..?

Now go back to the present, you found yourself resting your head on Ellie's shoulder, half-watching the netflix show on the TV. Instead of watching the show, you were busy on your own thoughts. Confused. Who are you to her? Just friends? Situationship? You knew it too well, it felt like you can call her as yours but in reality you were not.

"Everything's alright?" Ellie interrupted your thoughts as she spoke. You nodding your head in response, lied. And unfortunately you weren't good at hiding expressions. She can feel that you were far from alright.

"Are you sure?" she asked, paused the show. Then she pinched your cheeks, leaving you laughing and grabbing her wrists as you pleaded with her to stop, "You know, you can tell me if there's anything wrong. I'll help you," she added, her fingers stopped pinching your cheeks now.

You chuckled, "That's so nice of you, Williams. But trust me, nothing's wrong now."

You keep resting your head on her shoulder, your gaze wandering around her apartment. Three minutes later, you find yourself sinking back into your daydreams. About someday, when you both are older, these moments would be the things you always laugh about over the tea every morning while Ellie watching the news.

"It was so funny back then,"

"Yeah! Oh, remember when you drove me home but the you stopped at the beach!"

You huffed, realizing once more that it was all just a dream.

"Ellie," you called her name all of the sudden, with you playing with your fingers, "Yeah?"

"Do you ever... believe that if we were patient enough to wait someone we had a crush on, they'll coming to you?" you don't know, why the question was suddenly came out from your mouth.

She hummed at first, and laughed, "No.. I guess. Because, what if you were already waiting them patiently but apparently they weren't the one for you?"

You went silent, she tilted her head to you, "Why did you asked suddenly though? Did someone caught your attention for a while and you're waiting for them?" and you nods.

"Who?"

'It's you, dumbass.' you secretly rolled your eyes.

"I won't tell you," you sigh out, "I've been waiting them for these past 5 months, and for God's sake, she's too hard for me to reach!" you slammed your hands into your thighs, inviting her laugh.

"It's almost half of a year, and you still waiting?" you nods to her question, biting your lower lip and avoiding her gaze. You heard her letting out a heavy sigh, "What if they never come to you? As if their love were never gonna come either?"

You froze, losing all your words. Why was she asked you like she knew you were talking about her?

Thereafter her phone buzzed leading Ellie quickly flipped her phone like she doesn't want you to curious, "I'm going out for at least ten minutes, you don't mind?"

And who are you to said no and pleaded to stay here? You were her guest on her house, nothing more like that. In the end you answered okay, almost whispered.

You were spying her through the corner of your eye as she walked out onto the balcony and closed the door. You could see her from inside when she walked back and forth with a big grin on her face, occasionally laughing. You really wanted to know what was going on, what the conversation was about that made her laugh so freely. But you knew your boundaries; you weren't supposed to ask her personal questions.

At one time she talked too loud you could even hear it from where you sit, "You'll come back? You're kidding, right? I swear to God, Emma, I missed you so much!"

Wait, who's Emma?

Ellie looked so excited on conversation with someone she just called Emma. From what you've heard through friends, Ellie didn't have many friends, and they mentioned only Jesse, Dina, Aimee, Chloe, and Sophie when you first confessedyour feelings about Ellie to them. So.. who's Emma then?

What if she were Ellie's girlfriend? No, there's no fucking way. Five months ago your friends said she was single, so that.. can't be. You immediately get rid all your negative thoughts about the girl Ellie mentioned on her phone call.

Enough staring her too long and overthinking. You shrugged your shoulders, act like you didn't care at all, 'I shouldn't think about this.. No. Please, please, please, try to think how sweet Ellie when she's with me..'

You changed the show into the romance one, you cannot stop smiling, you dream up if those romance scenes you watched right now was you and Ellie. The thought from you think about when you were couldn't sleep at Sophie's holiday house came back, 'Will Ellie ever open up about her feelings for me?'

It was so dumb. Do you ever think like that? The answer is yes, but who cares?

Your phone buzzed, and as you glanced at the screen, a notification was displayed.

911 sophie

hiiiii babe let me tell u i'm at aimee's rn

You

helllooooo what r u doing w her?

911 sophie

aimee was about to inviting you to her house tonight, and the others too. but her phone was DEAD RN she's planning on making a whole fucking meal like.. for 6 people??!! anyway wya???? she told me to buy some foodstuff at supermarket but i'll be fucking bored if im alone since she cant go out she's too busy with her other food creation or idk whatever she called it sooooo do you want to accompany me say yes i'll pick you up RIGHT NOW

You chuckled as you saw her text. Aimee was definitely too focused on what's her doing right now. You could tell how bored Sophie was there.

You

does she invite ellie too? anw pick me up pleaseeee ms. torres;))) at ellie's house love u!

Your gaze went to Ellie's, seems like she already finished the call. It's been 4 hours since you got here, and maybe it's enough for today even though you haven't finished the show you're currently watching.

911 Sophie

yeah she invited ellie too why? huh you were at what??? ellie?? GIRL HOW

You

mmmm i'll tell u later ;p JUST PICK ME UP ALREADY

911 sophie

OH CMON okay i'll be there in 10 xo

You paused the TV show and rose from the couch, reaching for your sling bag on the floor. At the same time Ellie, had came back from the balcony, you could tell how good her mood is by her smile.

"Where are you going?" she asked, noticing that you had already slung your bag over your shoulder. She made her way over to you, her fingers were scratching her back neck.

"I… Uh… Sophie asked me to go out for buy some foodstuff.." you pointing your thumb to behind before falling silent for a moment. "Is… is it okay if I leave now?" you ask, feeling a wave of regret wash over you immediately after, cursing on yourself for even questioning why she wouldn't be okay with you leaving.

'God, I'm so weird!'

"Oh… Okay," Ellie glanced back before turning her head to stare at you, "I was about to leave as well. Where will she meet you? And maybe I can drive you—"

You cut her off, shaking your head, "Actually… she said she'll pick me up here in ten minutes." Ellie nodded in response, her mouth forming an 'O'. She made her steps into her bedroom after she smiled at you and came back with her wearing her green jacket.

Your other side was sooo curious. Where is she going? Why did she smile so happily after the call? And what made her so excited during the call earlier? Will she be with someone, or will she be alone? You don't know, and you want to know. You really want to know. Curiosity inside you feels like started to eat you up. You immediately shook your head, pushing away your curiosity. You started talking to yourself in a really low voice, as if you hadn't said anything, "I should stop doing that."

"Ellie, I…" you were staring at her as she hummed, her gaze was met yours, "I think I'm gonna wait on the front porch." You were about to make your way to the front door, but her hand grabbing your wrist stopped you. "Ellie?"

Your eyes locked on hers; her expression was different from a minute ago. It was... guilty? Sad? You couldn't even tell. What's going on now? Was this related to her call minutes ago?

"I just... want to say sorry,"

You tilted your head. Seriously, what's going on?

"So, did you mean she was saying sorry to you without explain everything?"

Now, you were in Aimee's kitchen with Sophie, picking up the conversation that had been put on hold hours earlier. Aimee was in her bathroom, and here it's only you and Sophie whereas the rest on the dining room. You did tell her everything what happened today, once you asked her who's Emma, but Sophie wasn't sure if she know that girl because Ellie never told her about Emma. You already asked Aimee too, and all she said was, "I think I've heard that name.. I don't know." they literally left you all disappointed.

"I was about to ask her why she was apologizing to me, but I couldn't because you came to pick me up," you said, rolling your eyes at Sophie, which was followed by laughter from both of you.

"Whoa, so it was my fault, young lady?" her tone was changed along with the tip of her lips moved down shaping like upside-down 'U', "Maybe she did something wrong and you didn't notice it. Don't take this seriously because I'm just trying to speculate."

You scoffed at Sophie, "I don't know, Sophie. As far as I remember, she didn't do anything wrong that would make me mad or upset," you said, turning your shoulders down and positioning the knife between the apple slices you had cut earlier.

"Try to ask later, babe. I'm pretty sure she'll tell you later," Sophie placed her hand on your shoulder, before she moved to your left side. You gave her a disagreement gesture, huffed so loudly, made her expression was changed in seconds.

"She haven't talk to me since she arrived here, Soph," head down as you resting your hands to the counter surface, "What?"

You huffed once again. Indeed, Ellie hadn't spoken to you or even glanced your way since she arrived. It was as if you had done something to pissed her off, but you hadn't. She didn't text or call you like she always did after you left her apartment, the last message was when you told her you were already at her house. You were too desperate to find an answer or even to asking her. She seemed like a different person, completely changed from when she last spoke to you hours ago.

You both went back to dining room, sitting right next to each other while Ellie was sitting in front of you. She didn't give you a single glance, as if you weren't there. It's not like what she did when the night at Sophie's holiday house back then. She checked her phone every 10 minutes like she's waiting something important.

Your eyes were never left her gestures during the dinner. Even when your friends tried to talk to you, you just answered them briefly because you weren't in the mood to talk. Twenty minutes later, Ellie excuses herself and leaves everyone else, including you. She takes her steps to the kitchen. You see her hiding her smile by biting her lip.

Does she even realize you're here?

"Is everything okay?" asked Chloe, sitting next to you. "You seem a bit off, and I noticed Ellie haven't been talking to you either. Is there something wrong between you two?" she moved her chair so she can move closer to you.

"We're fine," you claim, but it's not entirely true. You might be pretending, yet you're actually okay with Ellie since you've never argued before. Chloe grunts, sensing the dishonesty in your words.

"I know you're lying. C'mon, you can be honest with—"

You shake your head, you don't want this conversation to continue too far. Enough for tonight. "We're really fine, Chloe. Believe me."

Chloe nods, she's back to her position, "Okay then. But still, tell me—no, I mean, please tell us if something's wrong with you two, we can help."

You excused yourself to the bathroom, but Ellie's voice in the kitchen halted your steps. You never realized what are you doing in front of the bathroom door, until you found yourself leaning on the wall right next to the kitchen where you heard her voice. She sounded so happy, laughs between her words, saying jokes that she had already told you.

The ache in your heart was undeniable. Who could she be talking to on the phone? Emma, perhaps?

You bite your lower lip, your hands wiping away the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes. You enter the bathroom and sit on the toilet, head bowed.

"Why does it hurt so much? I'm just her friend, right?"

Right, you had no right to be jealous or hurt when Ellie never thought about you being her girlfriend even though she treated you like one.

The next day, neither Ellie nor you started the conversation on messages like you two always did every morning. It felt so empty to you as you woke up and didn't find any signs of Ellie texting you.

You did your morning routine as usual without giggles and smiles. Everything went too quiet. You didn't mumbled or even talking to voice notes that you'e always sent to Ellie.

As night fell, time passed quietly. You didn't venture out, choosing instead to isolate yourself from the world, turned on the do not disturb mode on your phone even though Ellie hadn't sent any messages. The conversation remained where it was left off yesterday morning.

You couldn't resist the urge to text her, yet it all seemed no use when you deleted every word you were about to send.

You walked back and forth in your bedroom, hand holding the phone as your fingers scrolling through TikTok. None of the videos you watched, all you did was scroll and scroll, not really in a mood though but you were bored. Really bored.

Fingers stopped as you saw the profile picture, recognizing it too well, more than your own profile picture. It wasn't a video, but photos with a song called 'The Perfect Pair'. You knew who the figure in the photo was: auburn hair, sitting in the driver's seat, wearing the same jacket you saw yesterday, and the gray baseball cap she always wears.

Your eyes caught the other figure: long wavy ginger hair, sitting in the passenger seat, her hand holding the person you recognized before. God, your heart was beating faster than you could pant.

Slowly you sit on the floor, leaning onto your side bed.

You saw the caption, 'Soft launch' with some hashtag she always put in there. And the user she tagged, @/user3291emms.

That was the time you felt like something crashed your heart and broke into hundreds pieces. You know if you were too curious, you'll get the consequences. You opened the comment section, there was she commented on her own post, 'Welcome back to Boston, sweetheart.'

You feel like you're the most foolish girl who ever lived. Suddenly, you remember something that you had forgotten when you had a conversation face to face with Chloe.

"I heard from Dina, Ellie had been talking to someone for a while, the girl named Emma or something."

You didn't listen to Chloe that day because you were too busy adoring Ellie, who was playing her guitar far from you. You cursed yourself, mind repeating all those moments you always thought it meant nothing to you and her. All those moments became signs that Ellie wasn't the one.

The moment when she excused herself in the middle of UNO games, the moment when she always left too soon after she took you out, the moment when she was on the call on the balcony and she got too excited. The moment she was about to go, she was going to pick up Emma from the airport. And when she left the dinner party earlier than others, she was going on a date with Emma.

You were crying so hard, you put your phone right beside you while you buried your face between your arms.

"How could I not see the signs?" you spoke between your tears.

The voices in your head were right; you never learned anything from the past. Now, the voices were telling you why did you always ignore the signs. Because you were too busy loving someone, which led you to forget the worst-case scenario if they weren't loving you as you did to them.

Maybe you'll finally learn your lesson.

You sit there alone on the bench, at the park that Ellie always used to take you. Eyes never leaving two figures from afar, they seemed having fun on their own. Ellie hugging Emma tightly, giving her a lot of kisses while laughing at something. Thoughts of imagining if Emma were you came, which immediately you push away.

Ellie never texted you again or called you, or even talking to you, and you were trying to get used to it. Every single day, you tried to resist the urge to check the messages that had started to be abandoned.

You smiled slightly, you stood and picking up your bag, ready to leaving the park soon. Taking a small step into the exit.

You didn't know, Ellie noticed your existence right after she's done hugging Emma. Her eyes locked on your gestures, she didn't move even for an inch. As you get up from the bench, she did the same thing like she was about to take her step to you.

Oh, she did it anyway. Your wallet dropped without your knowledge. Ellie told Emma to wait for a minute and hurried over to you. She picked up your wallet and noticed the Polaroid of you and her from when she took you to the beach before. Something stirred in her chest as she wondered why you still held onto the Polaroid despite her having hurt you by avoiding you like a completely stranger.

"Hey, your wallet dropped," she tapped your shoulder twice, before you turned around.

You were surprised, Ellie was right standing in front of you. After all these months of being a stranger to each other, she showed up suddenly. You cleared your throat, took the wallet immediately, and put it in your bag. "Thanks," you said.

Everything went quiet again between you two, none of you were talking or leaving.

You felt like the goodbye was screaming in the silence. You seeing the visions of the past, maybe you just got her longing glances while Emma got her rings. You huffed, doesn't know if this was the last time you'd see her or not.

"Ellie," her smile disappeared as you called her name.

"Is it okay if I tell you that I still love you even though we haven't talk since Emma came to Boston? I'm sorry, Ellie. But I couldn't bear my feelings," you confessed to her, all those words just out from your mouth.

With furrowed eyebrows, she averted her gaze before fixing it on yours. "And would it be too late if I told you that I haven't been able to stop thinking about you for these past few months, even after avoiding you? God, I wish I could have told you sooner."

Your eyes widened. Just before you could say something, she left, leaving you all alone with her words lingering in your mind until God knows when.

a/n: i made this because i just found out that the girl that i had a crush on for months already have a girlfriend <3 (i've been crying nonstop) ANYWAY big thanks to taylor swift for the names <33333

[highvern]

Track 3: John Hughes Movie - Maisie Peters

“Cause this ain't no John Hughes movie, Where the girl gets the guy // You look right through me, Every time you walk by”

Pairing: Joshua Hong x Fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: unrequited love, friends to strangers

Length: ~370

Note: fun fact, when i started drafting this series all of 95 line had angst and all of 96 had smut lmao. i only managed to change up seuncheol's bc this one felt too right and Jeonghan's was just too fun. On another note, posting this early to celebrate 400 followers??? Who are you people? Let me kiss you

Like, comment, reblog, enjoy!

Mixtape Series: Me & You Masterlist

main masterlist

This blog is intended for 18+ only! MDNI or you'll be blocked!

It hurt.

Watching the man you cared so much for look through you like you were nothing hurt.

Mingyu’s engagement party began an hour ago and in that time Joshua spoke to one once. A generic greeting at the bar, followed by a swift dismissal as he rushed back to his girlfriend.

It’d been like this since Mina came into the picture. He didn’t have time for you anymore, priorities seemingly shifting over night to accommodate the new presence in his life. You tried to understand, to extend forgiveness. Of course things couldn’t stay the same and deluding yourself into thinking they could was foolish.

The texts between Joshua and you slowed to a trickle; unanswered for days at a time until weeks passed without a word. Your weekly hangouts devolved alongside, turning into every other week, until rain check after rain check made them a thing of the past and you both only saw each other through pictures on social media. 

Now you only saw him at events like this. Where Joshua and Mina remained wrapped in each others’ arms, oblivious to the room around them because they only have eyes for one another. Thick waves of infatuation rolled off them to wash away the remnants of your lifelong friendship.

It hurt.

You stayed at the party long enough to leave without being considered rude. A short round of goodbyes and congratulations while gravitating towards the door. Some sick part of your mind pleads to look back in the corner of the room, hopeful you’ll find a set of doe eyes shining with an epiphany but you know better. Every step sinks heavier with the unbearable weight of hope Josh might follow. He’d look up at your retreating figure and come to his senses; realizing the same feelings you’d suffered in silence plagued him too.

But the sharp bite of wind from the open door welcomes your solitary figure, shocking against the warm laughter at your back. A place without room for you any more.

Each click of your heel echoes across the concrete parking. Alone. 

And when the glass door rattles shut, it's shutting you away from more than the restaurant you’ve left behind.

-

Taglist: @tomodachiii

© highvern. copying/reuploading/translating my work anywhere is strictly prohibited.

[north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave]

*gets hit with the f1 ask game beam*

tagged by both @oxygenpdf and @flyingcakeee!! Thanks <3

Who is your favorite driver?

I'm a new fan and I haven't begun properly my Summer Of Race Car Homework so it's all current drivers, but Alex Albon and Logan Sargeant are my faves.

Do you have any other favorite drivers?

I am new, and I honestly like a lot of them. My other faves are probably Zhou Guanyu (fascinated by that man), Yuki Tsunoda (fellow short king), and Oscar Piastri (April Aries Solidarity)

EDIT: FORGOT TO MENTION GEORGE RUSSELL, HAUNTED DOLL OF A MAN WHO I AM VERY INTRIGUED AND COMPELLED BY

Who is your least favorite driver?

I don't really have a least favorite! I don't really know anything about either driver for Haas I guess. So maybe them by default? My sister went to a robotics meet this year sponsored by Haas and decided she will root against them forever because of that meet tho. (this is possibly one of her funniest choices. she does not pay attention to motorsports at all, and only glances over my shoulder to ask how bad things are going for Haas)

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

I am definitely driver based, but I picked the Williams team (more on this later) because I managed to catch the portion of pre-season testing where Albon was in the commentary box doing his champagne bit and I like. immediately decided I was rooting for him and Williams by extension. But bc of how i engage with sports I definitely also like teams (sorta. race car homework will decide how much I do later maybe)

If you like teams, what team do you pull for?

Williams (Albon and Logan and then got hit with Lia Block in F1Academy. Lia Block I Would Kill For You) but also Sauber (I pick teams based on color frequently and that green matched my hair last year, and is my fave type of green)

If you could take over as team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

Please christ do not put me in any situation of leadership. Just make me be in charge of like. whatever fuckin weird challenges they make em do on grill the grid. That i would be okay at I think.

How long have you been in F1

Uhhhh....February this year? I was *aware* of it and had friends into it before, and I knew like Hamilton and Verstappen before this year, and I knew who Schumacher was (VAGUELY!) but uh yeah. New Entry. New As Hell Entry, Even.

What got you into F1?

This is actually very funny. A couple buddies of mine have joked that they were gonna get me into motorsports for AGES, because it is "the perfect sport for me" and our new year resolution was to begin that process with nascar, since its "my cultural heritage as a redneck." (this is DEEPLY true and I cannot deny my family ties to nascar, redneckery, and general car silliness) February rolls around and Hamilton to Ferrari gets announced and I, recognizing who Lewis Hamilton is and being deeply surprised by the tumblr news bulletin text my friends to check in on em.

Group response is, "JESUS CHRIST!"

The following response is something to the tune of: "We're changing it up actually. Gee, you love sketchy business practices, financial crime, adrenaline junkie tendencies, weird contract trivia, AND athletes who are weird as fuck, Gee. We're starting you with F1 instead. have fun, please enjoy white collar crime and car racing. we will give u homework when the semester's over" And they did.

So I started following blogs posting memes, binged a few seasons of dts and analyzed the editing bc im a reality tv scholar in my heart and also the editing in that show is FASCINATING TO ME, and started watching highlights and found ways to watch the races, and boy. its a lot of fun! I was really surprised how chatty everyone is/seems to be in the fandom (and in the sports fandoms I guess?) so that's definitely helped.

Do you enjoy fanfic/rpf?

I will read literally any kind of fanfiction if the AU pitch is wild enough and boy does athlete rpf give writers good stuff to work with. I'm a former fanfic editor/beta reader, if the concept compels me I am here for it. Also, I love enabling crazy aus (hi wiz! <3) even if im not an rpf writer myself.

How do you view new fans?

I *AM* a new fan! I try to be conscious of my relative newness, but I'm enthusiastic to be here and having fun. So. Hope that's working!

Are your friends and family into F1 as well?

No, but we're a nascar family and we used to always be on a little family trip to my grandparents' house during the same week as the Indy500, so growing up we'd all be very sunburned and therefore hiding out inside while that race was on, so I grew up watching the indy500 (very different from nascar but this is also my fams only interaction with indy). I'm working on getting into nascar for the family, and Indy just to be the family's indycar and f1 correspondent.

For the friends, I do have those friends into f1 and theyre all gems and some of the oddest people I've ever experienced (very much the lesbians/gays who watch all sports stereotype), however the Car Chatter has always gone over my head until this year, but ya know. you move away and get busy so keeping track of hobbies and sports is hard when you arent religiously blocking someone every time a rivalry match goes down lol

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friends?

Of course! I am a very extroverted and social person I love making friends <333

i'll be real i have no clue who has and hasnt been tagged yet so im just gonna throw some names out and hope at least one of yall hasnt gotten this notification already lmao and if u haven't been tagged yet but follow me and would like to answer questions, consider this me tagging u spiritually

@two-tyred-problems, @wisteriagoesvroom, @stockcarbaby24 and @kissingwalls

[foliejpg]

oh yippie more asks:D

i have a lot :3

🍓🌵🥑🥤🌻🧃🧸🪐🍬🦷❄️🌿🏜️🍦🌸🎨🧩

you dont have to answer all of them but here you gooo

oh hell yes this is gonna be so fun <3

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

i don't remember specifically how, but i know i first interacted with shipping on youtube in like 2007-08 back when you could comment on people's profiles and message other users, so i think i must have commented on some like.. pokeshipping amv and just struck up a convo before i followed some friends i made to ff.net and deviantart, and started writing on ff.net lol

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

so i don't use spotify, i'm an apple music girlie and i really only listen to my own playlist i made that is composed of all of my top 100 songs of the year going back to 2015 LMAO

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

@actuallyalaska she got me

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

every writer i tagged yesterday!! all of whom take part of the @bandomthememonths go read all these great fics by these awesome writers<333

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

@judasisgayriot your gifs are a godsend and i always love getting a comment from them <3

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

my name is short for guinevere lol

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

so i'm sort of picky abt my dash lol i try to stick to foblr so if you post mostly fob then i'll prob follow! i do a good scroll through to get the vibe, but if they post a lot of non fob stuff, i usually skip bc its just not for me but no hard feelings ever<3

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

well i just bought a new (refurbished) computer for the first time in a few years, so that's exciting! i've recently started making embroidery patches and that's been a lot of fun lol idk i've just been having a good time<3 i'm doing a lot of home renovation projects so i'm excited to have a brand new kitchen soon lmao

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

not a fandom character but as far as bandom goes, i don't really care for mcr and maybe that just has everything to do with that i'm really not familiar with lore/band mbrs etc., but danger days is the only mcr album i really connected with especially when i was 16-17 and its still one of my favorite albums, but i'm good on their other albums lol

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

just be kind<3 ik that's super cheesy but i think its easy to forget that other ppl have feelings too and maybe just being nice to someone will make their day. also don't ever pay full price for anything if you can avoid it. generic brands are just as good as name brands

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

i have.. no idea honestly lmao

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

listen when i figure it out, i'll let you know lol when i'm stuck i eat an edible and stare at the wall until something comes to me

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

ANY AND ALL!!!! especially when they tell me a specific part they liked - even if its just a line makes my heart go bu-bump<3

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

genuinely i can't think of a character i hate, i really don't watch anything but like. seinfeld and its always sunny in philadelphia lmfao

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

this is my cat bear<3 she's ten years old and sleeps in a drawer in my desk while i work

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

here and here and here and this nsfw fanart from my bubbline au these are all my absolute favorites <3

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

i answered this here but its super long so<3

[echobx]

saw this ask game and decided to answer all so you guys can get to know me better

1. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

it depends. I usually have my multi-chapterdd fics already done before posting them, so in my head they are stored as one shots. I know, weird. anyway...

I think oneshots are easier for me bc it's all fix and I don't get the urge to want to go back and change things. but I'm trying out the chaptered way with Timeloop and I can fix him (no really I can) and we'll see how I like it... but I'm only doing it like that bc idk how long they'll be and I wanted to post something and not wait months for them to be done before I post it all.

so maybe one-shots when it comes to [tumblr]

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

I usually write as I go. I have a few points that I have to get to but I let it flow, let the characters choose their path to make it feel more natural when things go down.

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

I usually have something in my head that needs to happen and then I sit down when I feel like I'll be able to write it and just try.

I don't always look for playlists but sometimes it helps to listen to my sex playlist for smut or my falling in love playlist for slowburns or something.

I mostly just let inspiration hit me ig, idk how to explain it 😭

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

songs, tv shows, movies, other written work (books or stuff I read on here) my dreams... anything really. a lot of times it's just daydreaming.

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

yes, I love it, I get way too little of it.

as long as you are being respectful please tell me off lol, especially when it comes to grammar and sentence structures bc I'm not native in English and I'll be happy to learn and change things when you tell ne that something is wrong.

6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

I tried beta-ing one of my fics with my friends, but life gets in the way and they didn't have much time to read and give me feedback, so I decided to not do it for whole fics anymore and just sporadically

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

ig that fully depends on how the scene feels to me. I once got halfway in a chapter and had to rewrite the whole thing bc I realized it didn't make much sense to tell it from that pov and not the other. and now it feels so much more natural than before. but that is just as much trial and error at times as everything else.

8. Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

i don't really have a preference there. for some fics I can very clearly see the middle, but not the end or beginning, for others I see the start and end but not the in between and it gets a bit messy on the way. but all in all I'd say I'm just happy to be allowed to be there as these stories play in my head and that I get to write them down is even better.

9. Do you comment on stories you read?

yes, usually on ao3 on tumblr if I like it enough I'll reblog it, if I love it I reblog with comments or tags, that depends on my daily mood tho.

10. Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

“What?” I cleared my throat and blinked a few times to get my mind cleared up.

aaaaah I love the scene this is from, also had to used blinked cause I usually write in past tense unless it's tumblr...

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

Safety Net by @mvybanks

The Blue by @quin-ns

Watch and Learn by @nadvs

12. how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

a good feedback makes my day, literally

not getting any or getting barely any likes and no reblogs on my work, especially when it's something I've worked hard on, it's devastating really. I wish there was more appreciation for it, but I can't do much about it either.

13. what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

writer's block isn't really an issue to me anymore. when I have time to write but my mind blocks I'll just start writing anything and when it's shit I put it to the side and write something else or if I'm working on a chapter and it won't flow I go into a new document and try and write the chapter again from scratch and see how it goes. always in a new doc tho when I do that so I don't use anything I've written.

14. how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

okay, I write them, especially sad ones, when I myself am already sad af so I can exactly describe the bodily bs that happens to me when I'm sad

I do feel how they feel, especially when I later go to edit it, and then I have to take a break bc I'll start crying again lol

I mostly draw from personal experience when it gets to emotions, especially sad ones, bc it's just easier ig. it's waaay easier for me to write angst and hurt/comfort than anything else bc most of my life has been filled with those rather than fluff or even smut (idk how I write that, bc there's no experience there...)

15. How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

I try my best to keep it visually accurate, like, so you can try and imagine it bc I hate when I read something and go "wait, how did they end up here?" yk? and I think it should have some sort of realism to it. but I can't really be 100% accurate bc I only know my own body and whatever I've seen online. I don't trust porn obvs bc it's not really reliable when it comes to normal sizes and shit (iykwim) but it does help with figuring out some of the positions. that's literally the only reason I look at it too, for research purposes 💀

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

2 that are being posted (timeloop and icfhnric)

15 that are just ideas (listen, my head never stands still)

1 that is like my heart child, and I'm scared to let it go but I will eventually

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

a complete lack of inspiration hasn't really happened to me yet, and I'm scared of the day it will. what I do have issues with is the type of writers block where I wanna write but my head feels too overwhelmed or too tired to process any thoughts so I'll see the fic in my head but my brain won't let me form sentences to put it on the screen. I've yet to figure out how to deal with that.

18. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

song inspired ones are always named after the song, so that's easy

anything else is either a good line that I discovered while writing or a quick quip that I came up with, most times during the end of it.

I still don't have proper titles for my Lovebirds fic, I have one for the second installment of it, but the other three are still only under their working title and I don't know if I'll even give the first one a title or if it'll just be "Before Lovebirds" which is bs and I hate it but idk what else to name it... (although that part has been done for months now)

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

smut... lol I haven't used any funny tags yet

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I use "just" way too much. and I keep starting sentences with And a lot. and I feel like once I find a bew word I'll keep using it until my brain grows bored of it.

21. Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

definitely, if they wanted to.

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I don't think I'm a dark romance girlie. I'm never gonna write mlm smut, because I just don't think it's my place to do that.

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

use placeholders for words you can't pinpoint, I usually go like this [walking slowly, dragging feet] and then I look up a synonym

when you get an idea, put it down, you'll think you're gonna remember later but you won't

24. Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

to put chapter contents down in a pointed list instead of writing it out immediately

25. What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

the It's... complicated one bc I worked hard on it and it's probably my best work yet imo

26. Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

my three part series the one with the abortion, notes and letter

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

most favorite: describing angsty feelings

least: chit-chat bc I'm bad at it irl and idk how to write it to seem natural 😭

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

idk, some days I write so much and others I don't at all, so maybe 500-800 days on average daily

29. What’s your revision or editing process like?

first I do grammar checks, then I reread and see if the words are correct. most times I do the big parts of editing while writing bc I noticed that that's easier for me

30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

I usually wait until it's polished, unless it's something I would have deleted from a bigger fic and don't want it to go to waste.

31. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

plot, always.

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

from the top of my head: @princessmaybank @redhead1180 @mvybanks

33. Do you want to be published some day?

yes. but not my fanfic. I'd rather write something by myself and then get it published than go and write fanfic and change it later on to be able to publish it.

34. Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

finishing my first novel and maybe finding a publisher for it

35. What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain?

that they don't need to be redeemable, I'd much rather keep some villains for true evil and not because they had a bad childhood or whatever

36. How do you write kissing scenes?

I try to write about how it affects the person who's pov it is, their emotions and physical sensations. I don't like dragging it out too much tho unless it's a big moment, like a first kiss.

37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

I tend to do cliffhangers quite a lot bc I'm just prone to that bc of my love of television. but usually I end on a moment that feels like a natural stop while writing or sometimes I write without chapters in mind and when I add them later I make stops in between where it feels like the reading flow could stop and be picked up, but then I make sure that the chapters aren't too short or too long still

38. Would you ever write commissions?

oh definitely, I already take prompts and idk if it counts but I did write two private commissions for a friend in return for some art of my favorite character a scribble of my oc

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

“I don't want you to feel any pressure to do anything,” he brushed a few hair from my face and I nodded. “You're my dream girl, [redacted].” He pulled me closer into him, nuzzling his head into my neck and breathing lower. “My pretty girl.” I placed a kiss on his head and listened to his shallow breaths as I fell asleep. “Love you too,” I whispered while drifting off and hoping that he hadn't actually heard me.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

I have a very specific scene in my head, but it not in the fic, it's only mentioned as a picture that they took and have set as their background picture. so to see that come to life would be incredible.

but I don't really have a preference other than that, when I write I see it all play out in my head like a movie scene so literally any moment can work as long as I described it well enough. and if needed I would go and give a lengthy description of every single detail if someone wabted me to

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I reread a lot! it's part of how I try and get better at my work (apart from reading published books)

I especially reread a lot of my lovebirds fic so I can get back into writing when I haven't had worked on it in a while

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

The Charter by @blueicequeen19 and I'd tell the whole world to read it because it's just that good

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

I whump too much tbh. like, especially my OC has had so much pain already in her life, but I feel like a few set backs are normal and it wouldn't feel natural to me if everything was just happy and perfect akl the time. to me these characters are people and people are messy by default.

I'm still very protective of them tho, and I wouldn't let any body go and fuck them other unless it has a purpose of some kind, either for the bad guy or them.

44. What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

I keep writing my when I mean me and vice versa, that's just a typing issue tho. I forgot prepositions and "the"s a lot. idk how to do comma shit. and I keep catching myself writing bearly instead of barely. bc they sound the same and I'm also dyslexic 😔

45. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

both if I can. but a part of me wants to know that I'm capable of making someone cry their eyes out. that feels pretty powerful to me bc I don't really cry too much when I read or watch something myself.

46. How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

emotions primarily ig, then characters. ig those two are very neatly intertwined bc most of the decisions they make are based on emotions or on the fact that they try to not let their emotions control them.

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

at least two times. even when I say it's not edited, I at least read it twice to get most mistakes out.

48. What do you look for in a beta?

that they are native English speaker probably, but I don't really do betas at the moment

49. Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I've never gotten one and if I would I'd probably just block the person and try to forget about it.

50. How long is your longest fic?

not posted and still working on it: around 500k

posted one shot: 19k

posted series: 16k

51. What’s your total AO3 word count?

38.4k on ao3 / 100k+ on tumblr

52. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I respond to most comments but I always feel a bit awkward bc I never know what to say

53. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

primarily I write, I'd say 65/35 writing to reading ratio of the time I use on fanfic

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

being able to put the vision that I have in my head on screen, being allowed to use as much or as little details as I wish to. but most of all the fact that I know more about the whole narrative than the characters in it, the fact that I know when they are being unreliable or are lying to themselves or just don't know better.

55. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

I'm definitely a JJ girlie, I'll always be even tho I noticed that people are more into Rafe...

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

a friend of mine keeps asking how the fuck I write so much and I honestly don't know. I just do. and I personally always feel like anything below 2k is not enough but I don't try to drag things out too much just to get more words in. so maybe that's it.

57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?

while writing for sure because it just makes the whole process faster than if I did it the other way round. but it took some time for me to get to the point where my in-writing editing makes the post-writing editing almost obsolete

58. What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

writing for the most part. but I also love researching stuff.

59. Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

only my friends. I wouldn't tell my parents and I'm glad they don't understand English bc if they did and found this blog I wouldn't be allowed to leave the house forever or they'd kick me out. which is ridiculous bc I'm an adult :'(

60. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

yeah and it was the best feeling ever. makes me happy just thinking about it.

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

simply because I love writing and I choose to write for myself, not for anyone else. that's also why some prompts stay in my inbox for longer, because I need to find the right moment where I am content with writing it in a way that makes me feel happy about what I created.

62. Thoughts on cliffhangers?

love love love. can't get enough of them. use them all the time.

63. Something you hate to see in smut.

personally, I have mommy and daddy issues, so seeing it being sexualized is always weird to me. but I try to look past it and even when I write it bc it fits the character, it's still weird to me. but I would never tell anyone to not write it. I know a lot of ppl enjoy it a lot. it's just not my personal piece of cake.

another thing, which is just formatting ig, is when there's no warnings list. I think it's important to put at least a warnings list, especially for smut.

64. Something you love to see in smut.

aftercare. always. Even if it's just a quick scene of them lying in bed or something and just being soft with each other or talking about random things to cool down. I think it's really important.

65. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

right now I'm looking extremely heavily towards kinktober and starting on those projects and then seeing people read them in October.

I'm also super hyped over my oc lore bc I recently had a big breakthrough with the help of a friend, and now everything I had before makes so much more sense. it feels like I had always had known but the information was hidden and now I have it and I can see a crystal clear picture of her life and the life of her parents and grandparents and basically the whole family past and possible future.

66. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

I hate it. I'm trying to not let it get to me, I can only write when my brain let's me. But I do know that no matter how long it takes I will finish started projects.

67. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

I don't mind either. I love when it's a prompt or challenge that gives me creative freedom. like just a sentence or a single word prompt with a character is top notch bc I can go crazy on it all I want.

68. What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

I listen to music mostly, sometimes tiktoks inspire me too. It's really anything that can give me inspiration.

69. What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

the ghostface one. I don't even know why I posted it, but I'm not gonna delete it bc I think it's important for ppl to see the progress you made over time.

70. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

depends on the person. if it's my friends who I hold near and dear I'm not really embarrassed at all. I sometimes talk too much about writing and think I annoy them with it, but they always say it's okay so I guess I should believe them.

I think it's needs some type of connection and mutual respect for me to even be able to talk about it, so I wouldn't really talk to someone who I think would nake me feel embarrassed.

71. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

I only put down dates, the rest is more or less stored in my brain. unless I write lore down somewhere for someone to read and give me feedback. then I take that and put it in a separate lore doc but I wouldn't really need to bc, like I said, mostly my brain will remember lore

72. What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

when I started writing I did chronological, then I started to jump in between but that caused a lot of fuck ups and I couldn't remember what happened where, so I decided to rewrite my whole fic chronologically before posting it.

for prompts or just stuff that I post on here I always do linear/chronological if the narrative let's me

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

I don't really know. I guess I use a few phrases and words more than others would, and sometimes my sentences sound very german bc that's my native tongue. but those don't show up to me as mistakes when editing bc to my brain the sentences structure makes sense. that's probably all, but I don't really know.

74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

maybe if they are familiar with my writing style, with the way I use certain words only in certain situations. or how I nickname some of the characters.

[inflatingnblue]

worried anon here again, but off anon this time bc fuck it, and also if we can’t be open about shit on our kink blogs, where can we??? 💜

I’ve felt and seen how seductive an ED can be; besides my own history of disordered eating and dysmorphia, the love of my life struggles with pretty serious anorexia, and it kills me to watch her be drawn back in again and again by this terrible thing that our culture only perpetuates, even now that she’s years into recovery. When she was at her worst, when she had almost convinced herself that the ED was “working,” she was so miserable and exhausted and listless and angry all the time, and she still hated her body to the point of suicidality. The weight she lost didn’t fix any of it, but it did make her incredibly hard to be around and made her life feel so small that she didn’t want to live it anymore. It makes me sick that the world we live in would rather we hurt and hate ourselves over and over again, systematically denying ourselves the nutrients we need to live, in order to make us think we’re doing right by our bodies and that people will think we’re beautiful. I’m sure you’ve heard all this kind of thing before, just as my fiancée has, from therapists and partners and friends and family and doctors, but I know from my experience that it’s easier to actually start to hear it when you’re not also exposing yourself to pro-ED voices. When I was in high school and at my most mentally ill, I had a whole secret blog where I posted and reblogged self-harm content, so I genuinely do get how that can make you feel less alone. When you’re at your lowest, the most important thing is to not isolate yourself, even if that means you’re in some darker online spaces. Obviously you can and should like whatever posts you want on here, and me and your other followers can easily protect ourselves by blocking pro-ana tags — I guess I just wanted you to know that someone who doesn’t even know you is genuinely worried about you, and hates to see you unable to see how beautiful and valuable you are.

I get the relapsing stuff too; I hadn’t restricted in almost 10 years, but then last December I went through some major life/career/medication changes and gained like 30 lbs in a couple of months, and all the ED and SH voices came right back. The best things I’ve done for myself since then are the simple ones: 1) remind myself that if it was my fiancée feeling this way I would be endlessly telling her how beautiful she is, 2) try to remember that gaining weight isn’t a moral or health failure and is actually a natural part of getting older, and 3) buy myself some cute new underwear and comfy new pants so I didn’t feel horrible every time I tried to get dressed for the day. It’s taken months, and in the mean time I got a new job, this weird old kink of mine resurfaced (possibly as a coping mechanism? idk man, the human brain is wild), and I yanked myself back into a healthier relationship with food and mirrors, but it was and continues to be fucking HARD.

Long story not-so-short, I am really proud of you for making it this far. I am proud of you for being here, and I am proud of every time you push back against those voices, alluring as they might be. Recovery is the toughest, weirdest thing, but it is so worth it. I hope your husband is loving on you lots, I hope you had a wonderful Halloween looking adorable in your Violet costume, and I hope you’ll reach out if you ever need someone to talk to. I’m leaving this as an ask bc I don’t wanna risk making you feel uncomfortable, but feel free to DM me instead of posting/answering it publicly if you’d rather.

💜💜💜

Hello Not So Anon Anymore,

I appreciate you reaching out again and for sharing some of your and your fiancee's stories. One thing I find helpful is hearing about other people's experiences, even if it's not ED related. Hearing how someone has fought and struggled and conquered is good inspiration that maybe not all is lost.

To be honest, I was taken aback by your first ask. When I started reading I was like this person is leaving a compliment, which took a left turn. Not a bad left turn, just an unexpected one. It made me face what I had been doing and it was a good example of how personal struggles don't only affect you.

Oof, I totally understand that crankiness and feeling irritated. I've snapped at people when not meaning to. When you've got a constant stream of thoughts bombarding you it can be easy to lose it, not that it's okay to do so.

Like you said isolation is no bueno. Thinking about my relapse, I did isolate. I'd think maybe I can reach out to a friend, but then I'd stop myself. They've got a lot going on and it always seems like something is wrong when I connect with them, how annoying of me, what a burden. I noticed that no one reached out to me. Not that I was expecting anyone to reach out, but usually friendships go both ways. Both people contact each other and no one did. My ED was like "see, they don't even like you." And that only made the isolation worse.

I also didn't talk to my husband because he had a lot going on and I didn't want to him to try to impede my "progress." Of course I finally told him after several months. He was upset because I wasn't talking to anyone about it, and I don't blame him for feeling that way. Who wouldn't want their significant other to be healthy?

The interesting thing is I was big and I was experiencing symptoms that someone would assume an underweight person faced. I was lightheaded a lot. There were times I wasn't near anything to hold on to so I would crouch to the floor. (I even had a dream of it happening out in public. Tried to will myself to keep walking, but eventually crouched down because I didn't want to fall.) I've never been that lightheaded ever, but I didn't lose much weight when I was younger which is why I never experienced that before. I was scared that my symptoms were increasing in frequency, but at the same time it was a sign that it was "working." I eventually fainted one night. I've never fainted and it was so scary. I didn't even know I had fainted when I first woke up. I literally thought I had somehow fallen out of bed. My memory came back quickly and I couldn't believe I had fainted. Me, overweight, had fainted? I always associated that with those who were underweight, who were actually sick, who actually looked the part of an anorexic. But something that the general population don't seem understand is that it doesn't matter your weight or size - EDs don't discriminate. Starving is starving, regardless of size the body needs energy and when you deplete it the body will respond like a car without gas. It will breakdown.

Also, I totally agree that paying more attention to the bloating and such is a coping mechanism. In a way I think I'm trying to beat "it" first. Like making fun of myself first before someone else can. Making myself big before recovery or my lipedema can. I wish this wasn't such a mind fuck.

I really appreciate your kind words of encouragement. Being vulnerable is challenging and it's brave you decided to not be Anon this time. And same - reach out to talk, even if you'd like to unpack what's going on with your fiancee. I really hope everything works out for you both. 💙

Thanks again.

[angelhummel]

Blaine isn’t liked as much as Kurt.Kurt had a huge fandom in season 1, rightly so as he was the golden boy, an iconic gay figure on tb, along with the brilliance of Chris Colfer.

He was alresdy shipped with others, including a huge push for Hevans in season 3, so many had opinions what a boyfriend should be liked. Then Blaine/Darren joined and many adored him, but they toyed around with how they were developing Blaine:Klaine and many were put off that he didn’t fall for Kurt straight away. And wanted Kurt with someone who truly appreciated him (and maybe wasn’t as talented?) such as cough cough Karofsky?

Season 3 onwards we had the criticism that Blaine sung and got more screen time than others, Blee, the better boyfriend issues, people thinking Kurt isn’t getting what he deserved because he’s tied to the Klaine plot, the real life stuff, cc/ popularity of actors etc etc.

By 6 many were calling him toxic and wanted Kurt with an old man rather than married to Blaine. Plus the rushed wedding also put people off.

It’s really only in the last six months that there’s been a growth in Blaine’s popularity that he now pretty much equals Kurt’s. Why ? Kurt stans leaving the fandom, or not writing or producing as much art as Blaine fans and also Darren being more in public eye than Chris and still with a huge following. But as a character, I think Kurt still is loved more than Blaine and people still belittle the contribution Blaine had played in the lgbtq story on tv.

That’s my view of it!

Oh trust me babe, it's all known to me <3 But I'm posting it for a history lesson for the newbies alksfjdslk

And of course like I've said before, it probably doesn't hurt that I've done better lately at blocking people who post dumb shit lol. Plus it's nice to see new Blaine stans popping up, and I make sure to follow them. But if those weird Kurt stans have left the fandom, fine by me. I won't miss them uwu

But yeah these people just needed any excuse to hate Blaine. And they only needed to look at any other man to know he was automatically a better romantic/sexual match for Kurt. Including, but not limited to: a minor when Kurt is an adult, an old man who lured him on a date under false pretenses, or his actual stepbrother. OTPs!!

Whatever the case is, I'm glad things have mellowed out. Blaine never deserved the hate and I'm glad he's getting the love he deserves now

But also fr these people just have brain rot??? Kurt was one of my faves from the start and I was still so so happy when Blaine came along, I was here for all of it. Idk maybe it's bc I binged s1? Maybe watching it week by week is what altered their brain chemistry and made them decide Kurt would be better off romantically and sexually linked with Rachel over Blaine. I guess we'll never know. Probably for the best

[tendousthoughts]

OMG YOURE BACK

i used to check every day to see if maybe you came back but after a while i lost hope and even after you posted about why you’ve been offline i still checked every day but then i gave up BUT YOURE BACK AND IM SO HAPPY

i though about sending something to see how you’ve been doing but i didn’t wanna bother you in case you wanted to be alone and have some time to yourself

anyway hru?

- 🍍 anon

OMG DHDHDH okay i keep checking in randomly so i’ll probably do that more in case u answer. tbh i thought u forgot about me so i’m glad ur still here <3333. idk when this was sent but u don’t know how happy i am too see this.

ANYWAYS. im good hbu??? i love fall season sooo yk, being able to dress up and everything is so nice.

anyways what have u been up too???? i missed talking to u sm. hopefully ur well <333

OMG I FORGOT TO SAY SMTH.

alr alr i am working on this NON fanfic related story.. it’s like 20 google doc pages already and i’m not even halfway done. as always it is bxb and uh it is angst bc yk how much i love to make people cry. it is focused around two people mainly, one being a ghost and the other being his ex lover. it is told in the ghost perspective. the basics follow how he has to watch as his ex lover falls in love again, and all the misery that has followed his death. including how his ex lover blames himself bc of the mc death, and how he reflects on how badly he had treated him while he was around (even if that reflection was due to other people forcing it into his head). it shows therapy visits, fights with new lovers, gravesite visits, and much more. SO IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED AND SEE THIS PLZ TELL ME SO I CAN KNOW IF I SHOULD POST IT HERE. i promise my word choices and my actual writing is better now <333.

UPDATE:

i feel so bad the last time i posted/checked in was 3 months ago. i need to do it more. i’m so sorry :( don’t be mad plz.

ANOTHER THING I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT:

alr heres one of the rare times when y’all get a inside of my life. there is this dude who me and him liked eachother last year but nothing happened. he got this rlly big glow up this year but that’s besides the point. anyways so he has alr had like 2/3 girlfriends in the last 4/5 months :((( and like every time he breakup with them he hits me up. and my irl friends tell me to literally block him bc at this point i’m there just as a rebound but like whenever we talk it’s strangely nice yk? anyways i don’t ever talk to him in person even tho i see him like a lot :( maybe bc last year we ended with nothing happening. i do not want to date him bc i know how that will end but yk at the same time we only talk when he breaks up with a girl and that’s just idk. too much for me.

another guy: One of my friends is also like seemingly rlly into a guy who i had a past fling with. we ended bc we fought over smth important to me, but he still doesn’t see a problem with.. he went to ask my friends what’s happening in my family bc i didn’t want to tell him.?? lucky my friends just pretend not to know. (it was smth else btw.) anyways but we have yet to talk again and i’m pretty sure he’s gonna ask out one of my other friends.

- xic (i forget how i used to sign off sorry :(((( , y’all don’t be disappointed it’s been so long)

[littlemissmedicalmalpractice]

looking in my drafts and i found this half completed :''') sorry this is so late but thank u sm for the tag :D!!!

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? it's based on ieiri shoko from jujutsu kaisen :D (especially her in jjk 261.ajkhafks) though it's not super connected to her so i'd also say it's just cause i like it lol

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. @tibia-soup for tgcf and tlt, @sashisusupremacy for silly sideblog things, @a-nice-place which is shared for happy things :)

3. how long have you been on tumblr? i've been lurking anonymously on tumblr longer than i've been alive lol. um...i've probably had an account since 2019 or 2020, though i've made a lot of new ones and deleted far more than i've needed to :')

4. do you have a queue tag? i'm not nearly organized enough for that

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? mcu reader fanfiction...don't murder me please!!!

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? it's a beautiful ferret from this post to match with some mutuals <3

7. why did you choose your header? it's some very happy people who will never have anything bad happened to them ever 😇

8. what’s your post with the most notes? hm idk, i don't make a lot of original posts. probably one of the jjk haikus i wrote

9. how many mutuals do you have? mutuals that i actually interact with? around a dozen or twenty. mutuals that have been in the trenches with me through fandom wars but i've never spoken to? probably another twenty

10. how many followers do you have? 74 plus a handful of bots :)

11. how many people do you follow? 455 wonderful magical people

12. have you ever made a shitpost? have i every NOT made a shitpost is a better question 😎 (yes i have, got a whole blog for them)

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? very sporadically...sort of one day i'll be on it for hours on end but another day i'll only go on for five or ten minutes

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? i got very mad at a blog for insulting a book that i liked and i complained aggressively to my friend but i didn't say anything. i sort of get in a fight with someone being mean in the notes of my friend's post but after a couple replies i just blocked them

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts depends if they're joking or not. not my favorite type of post definitely

16. do you like tag games? yes!!! i'm bad at doing them bc procrastination 😌(edit this is even funnier now that i'm picking it up again) but they're fun to get to know people :)

17. do you like ask games? yeah :D, same thing as tag games

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? probably @godmodebeginswithlesbians though im not sure if we're technically mutuals...big blogs are intimidating to interact with :')

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? no but i think they're all so cool 👍❤️

20. what is the last song you listened to? 1234 by feist, it's on this old cd playlist my sister gave me

21. what are you currently watching? banana fish (rewatching...send prayers lol) and haikyuu (also rewatching!!! because watching olympics volleyball inspire me)

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? spicy!!!

23. what is your current relationship status? single and uninterested 👍 (aro)

24. what is your current obsession? FENGLIAN, a ship from tgcf....their dynamic is rotating in my brain so fast and all i can coherently think is the word angstangstangstangstangst

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

this is just my current playlist (minus a couple songs) lol, cause i almost never full albums :3

1234 by feist, same as before :)

psycho by kaiyi

superstar by lauryn hill

i hate texas by mxmtoon, which she just released!!!

notes in the stars by laura sherwin

mama's pearl by the jackson 5 (it's STUCK in my head send help)

your best american girl by mitski

csikós post by hermann necke

golden by jill scott

26. tagging (no pressure <3) @shrimpathizer @rumplestiltsbear @wolfspero @falcon-forest @checkeredcookie05 @mingguangsword @f1shpotatoes @fire-in-my-eyes @tea-loving-introvert and @ anyone else who's interested :D

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

(thank you for the tag @lianhuajing !!)

1. why did you choose your url? uh. it was a play on "rose tinted glasses"

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. nope!

3. how long have you been on tumblr? I think 2022? i knew about it before, just never bothered to make a blog

4. do you have a queue tag? don't kill me, what's a queue tag?

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? I had some Thoughts about Blue Lock and wanted to post meta for it

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? uhh Flora.

7. why did you choose your header? Reo is one of my Blorbos and I just really liked that panel of him

8. what’s your post with the most notes? probably the "do you download fics" poll

9. how many mutuals do you have? about 20? i don't remember

10. how many followers do you have? 120?

11. how many people do you follow? 91

12. have you ever made a shitpost? yes. i think.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? an hour?

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? nope

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts meh. some of them are funny i guess

16. do you like tag games? yep! it's nice interaction

17. do you like ask games? i do! but uh. it's a silent empty void here. an echo chamber, if you will.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? i have no idea but i see @kingsandbastardz a lot in the mlc community

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? nope

20. what is the last song you listened to? 若梦 by 周深

21. what are you currently watching? i just finished The Double! probably starting on Dashing Youth next

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? savoury!

23. what is your current relationship status? single

24. what is your current obsession? The Double,,,,

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

若梦 by 周深

如故 by 张碧晨

如初 by 张碧晨

借过一下 by 周深

万物不如你 by 张杰

Our dawn is hotter than day by Seventeen

Hitorijana by Seventeen

my music taste is kinda...i tend to stick to a few artists...

26. tagging (no obligation to do this!) @randomingoftherandomness @good-vs-evo @chrysofightme @bbcphile

[kageyamatobiyogurt]

haikyuu boys with crushes

a/n: hey everyone it’s been a minuteeeee IM HAVING WRITERS BLOCK PLS. i really wanted to get stuff out bc i used to post regularly 🥺 and there’s also a bunch of new followers on this acc so i wanted to give something.

this is technically a part two so check out the other posts if you want

part 1

includes: bokuto, akaashi, osamu, atsumu, kenma, 

bokuto:

a bit of a goofball but he means well

poor baby’s hair droops when you don’t give him enough attention

even a tiny greeting from you at the beginning of class is enough to get him through the day 

he tries to keep his crush a secret but he’s bad at keeping secrets, and a little bad at whispering too 

honestly, you’ll probably be able to figure out his feelings pretty fast 

this one day you pass by him in the halls as he walks next to akaashi 

he’s already beaming at you and waving 

“hi koutaro!” you smiled, waving right back at him 

the fact that you called him by him first name shot another love arrow into his heart 

his smile becomes even wider as you walk closer to him

when you aren’t looking you hear him whisper shout at akaashi, “aKAashi! did you see that! y/n said hi to me!” 

the way he confesses is so cute too pls 

ofc he does it at a game you show up to, he always plays better when you do 

right as he’s rotating back to serve, he turns his head to you and calls out “y/n! i like you! watch this serve!” you’re blushing like crazy but you cheer him on as he aces that very serve

he doesn’t even expect much back, but wowee when you tell him you like him too after the game he feels like he has enough energy for 5 more games 

akaashi: 

he feels like he messes up every time he talks to you 

he keeps stuttering? why? why is his heart beating so fast?? 

in reality, he’s fumbling a lot less than he thinks 

these small stutters and pauses are much more noticeable to him and frankly, you just think it’s more endearing 

he also tends to fall into this habit of touching the nape of his hair when he talks to you 

kind of also can’t look into your eyes because he’s worried he might blurt his feelings out right then and there 

he’ll confess one day after classes and he speaks so softly that you step in closer to hear him

little do you know, you made him catch his breath with that one action

but he phrases it so sweetly i’m crying “y/n, i um, just wanted to tell you that i think you’re lovely”

osamu: 

save him 

poor boy has atsumu as the wingman he didn’t ask for 

i mean atsumu will spot you and just holler, “OY ‘SAMU IT’S-” before he’s cut off with a shove 

he’s torn because he doesn’t want you to think he’s a violent person but he also can’t let atsumu expose him like that 

winds up apologizing profusely pls 

after he pushes atsumu he’s just bringing up a nervous hand to his hair and just sort of going, “y/n please ignore him, he was dropped as a baby” 

when you giggle at their antics he feels his heart jump 

when he’s with you by himself he’s so sweet though 

he tries to study with you but honestly just winds up giving you snacks as you both talk the whole time 

pays attention to when you’re looking tired during class

and if he isn’t sitting near you, he’ll ask fellow classmates to pass you a small candy even if you’re 4 seats forward and 3 seats to the right away 

he winds up confessing by leaving bread from the nearby bakery on your desk with a note

the note says, “eat up y/n” with “i like you” written in small letters 

atsumu: 

this twin lmao 

you’d think he’d be more confident but ohoho, the more his feelings develop he find them slowly more overwhelming 

at first there was a lot of “hi y/n!” whenever he’d see you and he’d internally smile, lowkey congratulating himself 

but the more he realized how kind you were and how pretty you looked he swore his heart would swell every time he looked at you 

maybe osamu gets back at him for being a terrible wingman 

osamu goes, “’tsumu isn’t that y/n-” 

before he finishes atsumu’s eyes are already widening while his head whips in the direction osamu is facing 

osamu is wheezing, but not for too long before atsumu tackles him 

“how could ya do that! ya jerk-”

eventually he accidentally bumps into you and to steady yourself you wind up grabbing onto his uniform jacket and mans turns bright red

something about you holding onto him and looking at him so closely and he blurts, “yer pretty”

mans gets even redder at the realization of what he’s done PLS 

kenma:

he used to look forward to the breaks in between classes mainly to game 

but suddenly he finds himself looking forward to one more thing: you 

he finds himself nervous around you, and not the usual uneasiness he tends to feel with people, this was different 

you made his stomach flip but he also couldn’t seem to run away 

he wanted to talk to you, what music you listened to, wanted to know how your day was. but he felt that he couldn’t just come up to you randomly, and he didn’t know where to start 

for some reason, every glance you threw his way he couldn’t fight the small smile that crept onto his face 

what surprised him was when you sat next to him on the bleachers during gym 

he was doing his usual- avoiding extra exercise- when you sat next to him to take a break 

“what’re you playing?” you asked 

he was thankful for the topic of conversation because talking about his game was easy, he could do this 

you two ended up talking about games even if you didn’t know too much 

this might become a regular occurrence during gym, he’d also share his device with you to let you try sometimes too 

it didn’t even bother him when you’d do better than him 

 soon enough it becomes easier to talk to you, even about more than games 

he just grew to tell you about whatever he was in to and you’d do the same 

kenma would also pay close attention to what you’d mention, remembering all the tiny details, because it was you 

one day he decides to muster enough courage, heart racing as he tries to think of how to tell you 

he finds you in between classes and smiles when you notice him and wave 

he takes a seat next to you, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear 

“so what’s the new game today?” you ask 

“it’s pretty cool actually, look at this,” he says, handing you his device 

within the game, this cute little character’s word bubble says, “y/n i like you so much” 

he’s blushing but he feels calmer at the sight of your bright smile at his words 

[casualavocados]

alright, here comes the long ass super personal and sentimental post absolutely nobody asked for (you’re welcome)

i watched episode 1 of bad buddy the day it aired (1 year ago today!) out of sheer luck. i dont even remember how i discovered it, but my initial thought was: “im bored. it’s 11pm and i dont want to go to sleep. this trailer looked fun. oh it came out today? sure what the fuck.” and i watched it in bed, on my phone. completely fucking unaware of what was about to happen to me and my life - and this honestly amuses me so much when i think about it because let me tell you...

i am NOT one to watch romance for romance’s sake. i really couldnt care less for it tbh. i’m not what i’d call a shipper at all (though i used to be, and if you remember my blog back then i owe you financial compensation bc tbh that whole spectacle exhausted me ANYWAY-). 

romance is just something ive always preferred as a side dish to plot, bc i only tend to like it when it’s super well done, and ive never found any of it very realistic. this was actually pretty unfortunate for past me bc fun fact, i am a little bit of a hopeless romantic, and romcoms are my guilty pleasure. the problem is i also dont like any of them enough to care about them after ive satisfied my initial “i want to watch something cheesy and cute” urge. i’d seen a few other bl’s over the years but only bc i was bored or wanted to watch something gay, and none of them had ever stuck in my mind after i finished them. i actively avoided those fandom spaces so i definitely wasn’t keeping up with what was new. 

(now listen, i have very specific thoughts on bl itself, but im not gonna get into that here (and actually miscellar said yesterday that the bl difference between 2020 and 2022 is unrecognizable and that basically sums it up so i dont have to lmao <3)).

- and ep1 of bad buddy is pretty typical bl! i adore this about it tbh because i was completely unprepared for everything the show was about to pull. my initial reaction was that it was something fun to look forward to every week.

so then-

I dont!! i dont even know how to explain it! ive tried too many times!

but it really is That Bitch, and truly feels like something i’d been waiting my whole life to see. a romantic comedy that was incredibly realistic in the sense of being overwhelmingly human, and also overwhelmingly queer. it’s so effortlessly fucking funny, while simultaneously a very (very very very) layered and emotional story. i will sing its praises to the end of time. it is quite literally the most well crafted show i’ve ever seen, and every time i rewatch it, or go back and reread old meta, im reminded that im not insane believing that. it just literally is that good. it’s such a simple story done so. extremely. well. it’s so ordinary, and that makes it extraordinary, and that was the intention from the start.

but i also have to say, one of the best things about having this show, is getting to be apart of the amazing community i found here loving it alongside me. bc i avoid fandoms. i stick to the places and the people/mutuals i know. i drift through edit tags more than i follow individual blogs. i block people like lightning. i have always had anons and replies off and i enjoy my privacy!!!

and i have talked to more people and made more friends and have had more fun this past year than i ever have before on this site. 

it took me until after bb finished airing to start following people back, but by then i knew which blogs posted what and what i’d want to see more of on my dash - and there are still many many people im not following, or who arent following me, that i talk to! i love each of you so very much, and i want to do a couple special shoutouts, if thats okay. ♥️

SO, in no particular orderrrrrr:

@mrdumpling nuria you were the very first bl-centric blog to follow me, and as such gave me a little bit of a heart attack that day, because i knew you were a popular blog and i Was Not Ready For Attention lol. but im so glad you did! ik we don’t talk often, but i love lurking on your blog and following what you’re interested in, and most especially, sharing this show with you. to say your edits are beautiful is an understatement! i always love to see what you make!! 🧡

@actually-yikes SORA I MISS YOUUUUUU!!! 🌹 i love talking to you, i love bonding over warrior pran with you, i love the edits you make. i think you’re very funny and delightful. seriously. ...im kind of at a loss for words here bc you’re one of the blogs i went to the most while bb was airing, and the first person i followed after it ended. i really just think you’re wonderful, and idk how else to say it! ily!!!💕💕

@miscellar you have some of the best takes ive ever read, and you somehow seem to read my mind and write (in much better words than i ever could!) exactly what im feeling on so many different topics. i love reading your analysis, your criticism, and just in general whatever you have to say. you impress me very much tbh and im always a bit amazed whenever you talk to me. i love sharing meta with you! 💚

@pranparakul KATIIIEEE when you’re not on my dash i miss you. even if you’ve got posts in your queue ill be like 🥺 where’s katie? is she having a good day today? literally it doesnt matter what you post abt, bc your enthusiasm for whatever it is always makes me so happy. keep doing you <3♥️🌸💗💕💜🌸❣💗💜♥️💕

@snimeat GEI. okay we dont talk OFTEN but when we do we talk a LOT. your excitement is sooooooooooooo contagious and it always matches mine and i feel SO SEEN. i think your edits have such a mystical vibe to them...they always make me feel very wistful (in a very good way). luv u 💛

@pranpats Kit!!! your gifs are GORGEOUS. and you are one of the sweetest people on this site. you always say such lovely things in the tags, and i love occasionally coming to talk to you about gifmaking things. you are such a warm presence on my dash! 💜

and of COURSE @grapejuicegay - kk i think we speedran our friendship in the last 6 weeks. idk how we never really talked before, now that i know we were BOTH lurking on each other’s blogs this whole year. i don’t even know what to say that i haven’t already said in our dms. i fucking love talking to you. there are some people you just click with and im so glad you’re one of them. 💙💌💗💖💜💙💕💛♥️🌹💌💖💙💕

there are so many more of you i want to mention here!! and if you read this far please know im probably also thinking of you, and i want you all to know that i have loved every minute watching and sharing this show with you.

im constantly blown away by everyone’s kindness and how welcoming all of you are. this is truly my favorite place to be online. thank you for all the tags on my gifs and meta. thank you for being so warm.

im so happy this little show means as much to all of you as it does to me. happy one year everybody. 🎆🥂💚❤

[robotpussy]

I have a blood boiling, eye popping, joint cracking hatred for stranger things and it’s based in such pettiness I’m sure you’ll appreciate it.

( I’d like to start off by saying yeah I watched it so nobody complains about me not giving it a chance. )

I struggled to watch it because of the flashing light sequences (I’m photosensitive) and when I said that online I was bombarded by a bunch of angry teens saying that it’s their hyperfixation and me saying it’s inaccessible is ableist. This was around when it first came out so that initially left a bad feeling.

As the seasons continued to progress, my hatred for the show grew more and more, the child actors, all the shipping, the thirsting over racist mullet man, the awful script in general. I did not understand why people became so obsessed with the show.

Nowadays I’ll block anyone who follows me who posts stranger things related content (especially that curly haired fr*ak, you know who I’m talking about) and it makes me irrationally angry to even see the actor.

I hate stranger things!! I truly hope this next part that is coming out makes that little gay boy cry and all his friends get eaten by the dungeons and dragons Voldemort dude and everyone gets upset bc they don’t get a happy ending. I want the show to end miserably with bad writing and even worse acting than the previous season.

Thanks for listening xx

PLEASE ME TOO i hate stranger things with a passion both the show, the writers/creators for treating it like some self-insert, the filming on a concentration camp/tattoo thing the fans were doing and the way people behave when it comes to those kids acting in the show.

I couldnt even get past the first episode you are so strong for getting through the seasons esp with all those flashing light sequences. and people act like stranger things is soo good when it seems like it didnt do ANYTHING different to any other sci fi movie made in the 80s would have been.

I hate that new stranger things guy the one who likes Metallica, Eddie or whatever his name is and he is not.... as cute as every one is saying people are doing too much with that guy and all the other dudes on that show really

and dont let me started on how WEIRD people and the media are abt those kids, i saw a tik tok where 3 grown white women were hating on millie bobby brown and its like.... what did this girl do but come in to netflix, do her job and be a kid? they were like "i had a feeling she was a bitch" and one of them was like "shes smoking hot tho" and the other was like "isn't she like 12 tho?" and the other came in to say "nah she just turned 18" like omfg? theyre hating on this little girl like why are you competing with a kid? and calling her hot when you assumed she was like 12?

and the countless other adults who were shipping and calling those kids hot as soon as they turned 18 like there are so many predators around us its unbelievable.

and i hear the fandom is being racist towards caleb on tik tok, its all too much there is so much to hate about this show.

that era in 2017 when the IT remake and stranger things were around were HORRENDOUS. and the kate bush thing. i wish they never made stranger things

[lode-builds]

Do you have any tips on custom terraforming and custom trees? Or is there a specific YT chanel or blog you follow for advice yourself?? (Love your builds btw, I recently haven't had the energy or a good enough mood to play mc but it's always amazing to look through people's projects for my own inspiration).

 heyo! so it's a bit tricky to give advice on this kind of thing bc I more go with the flow until things start looking right, but I can offer some basic (and probably very vague) advice under the cut

for terraforming: think natural, organic shapes and avoid hard edges. this seems obvious but it can be hard to remember especially when making upward slopes/mountains etc.

^this is from literally 7 years ago bc I'm not at my new computer but it's a good example bc it's got good and bad things to it. you can see how at the bottom of the build it gradually slopes up from the water and then transitions pretty smoothly to a steeper slope, that's a pretty good example of how mountains can look. if you've taken algebra, think exponential graph type shiz. even if you have a steep cliff it usually doesn't rise completely vertical from the ground. you can see the area I circled does pretty much that, which makes it look out of place with the rest of the build. 

another good thing to keep in mind is block variation, which adds texture to the landscape. I've definitely gotten better at this over time through practice and watching other people build. the blocks you use are gonna vary depending on the biome/environment ofc, but I like to play around with multiple blocks w/ similar colors

depending again on your biome, greenery is always a plus. I tend to avoid using bonemeal to add grass/flowers/etc, because personally I don’t love the red/yellow color combo. as for custom trees, I typically make the trunk/branches first (using a combo of logs, wood planks, fences, stairs, slabs to get the right shape/colors) and then filling in leaves until it feels right lmao. 

I don’t really watch tutorials on building, but I do watch a few builder youtubers when I have time. GoodTimesWithScar is known for being a super talented terraformer with a lot of large-scale builds. (his current hermitcraft starter base is a really cool tree iirc, which might be good to check out!) BDoubleO100 is another inspiration of mine, and is really good at nailing fine detailing in building (his texturing has inspired me a LOT). in my last post with the castle, those pine trees were inspired by some he made in one of his videos. he just started a new season of his youtube building series, where he talks in depth about his build process––would totally recommend. through association I know lot of other hermitcraft members have great experience (GeminiTay PearlescentMoon Grian etc etc etc), so you can check them out too! 

big takeaway that I’m sure everyone’s heard before: practice makes progress woohoo yass! but it’s true, I’ve definitely seen improvement just by trial and error and experimenting with different things over time. also learning from other people can be super helpful as well. tools like worldpainter/worldedit/voxel aren’t necessary at all, but they’re sometimes super nice to use especially in the planning stages of building. if you’re able to download/willing to use them, there are a lot of youtube tutorials on how they work

this is a super general overview and I’d be glad to answer some more questions if you have any specific ones! just realized this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days and wanted to make sure I got back to you. again, I’m no expert and if anybody else wants to reply w/ extra advice feel free <3

[goldensstateofgrace]

Dream Of How You (Tasted) - Chapter One -

(So... my first Series!!! I’ll be working on this a lot, and i want you to know it’s not gonna be perfect because I’m not perfect and my writings definitely not perfect, so bare with me on this journey please!! Who’s ready for some Camgirl!y/n??)

A story about Y/N becoming a camgirl because she needs the money but also because she gets off on the praise she gets from total strangers. She enjoys helping other’s get off while doing so herself. When talk about a one on one session with a guy who always watches her streams becomes reality, what happens when she finds out it was her crush/best friend all along?

I hope you guys are excited!! bc I know I am!! Hope you enjoy, happy reading!!

(Also, i picture Harry as long haired harry, but you can picture him however you’d like!!!)

Word count: 1.7k (4 pages) (i promise the other chapters will be longer!)

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Y/n didn’t know college could be so expensive, her job at the coffee shop on campus just wasn’t cutting it anymore. She needed to find something else to help pay for school and her rent. 

She’s in her second year of uni, all the book costs and the rent for having an apartment so close to campus is outrageous. She tried to find a second job to help with the money problem she was currently having, but couldn't find anything that could work around her classes and coffee shop schedule. 

Her best friend, Harry, tried to get her a job alongside him at his job, but again the schedule didn’t work for her and they couldn’t change it. So now, she's stuck trying to find something to do so close when she needs to pay her rent. 

It was outrageous how much the rent was for a one bedroom apartment close to campus, it’s a thousand - some dollars a month just to be close to campus, but that’s including her light and water bill so she can’t complain too much. 

Harry had offered to let her move in with him to cut down the cost, so she could save some money for school. But she declined because her boyfriend at the time didn’t feel comfortable with it, only to find out on their one year anniversary that he had been cheating on her for a while. Asshole. 

Nothing has been said since, but she wished he would. Moving out of her apartment would help so much, but she didn’t want to ask. 

Lost in her thoughts she didn’t even notice Harry walking beside her, as she walked across the courtyard to class. 

“Why so glum” he nudged her in the side with his elbow, startling her out of her thoughts. She slaps in on the arm, chuckling, “Harry! Don’t do that!”

“You didn’t answer the question, What’s wrong? And don’t give me the ‘Nothing im fine!’ thing you do,” he says, mimicking a higher pitched girly voice, chuckling once he was done. 

“Heyy! I don’t sound like that you twat!” you backhand his abdomen making him rub his stomach area as he grimaces in slight pain. 

“But” she starts, “i’ve just been struggling again, i tried looking for a job but, just like last time the schedule didn’t line up with any of my classes or with when i was working at the coffee shop.” she says, huffing in annoyance. 

Harry nods his head as she talks, listening to her, wishing he could help in some way. He tried before, but she turned him down, she didn’t even tell him why. He figured it had something to do with that cheating ex of hers. 

“Y/n, if you need help, all you have to do is ask. I’ll always be her to help you in any way I can,” he tells her, his eyes flickering over her face, showing nothing but seriousness, a drastic change from his happy light hearted self he was just a few minutes ago.

She casts her eyes away from him, focusing her eyes on the pavement under her feet as she walks. She doesn’t say anything for a while, but eventually she looks up at him, tears filling her eyes. 

“I know” she nods, “Thank you, Harry. You don’t have to, but thank you,” she says, the tears in her eyes threatening to spill down her cheek but they don’t get the chance as she wipes them away before they do. 

Harry wraps his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side and placing a kiss to her head, “I may not have to, but i want to.” he mumbles into the top of her head. 

Her arm wraps around his middle as they continue to walk to their second class of that morning, “Thank you.” 

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“You know what you should do?” Harry's friend Niall says as y/n, Harry, Niall and y/n’s friend Amy sit around a table in the coffee shop having lunch. Y/n quirks her eyebrow up as she takes a bite of her turkey sandwich, motioning him to go on.

Y/n had just got finished telling them about how she was in search of another job, and about how she needed the money to pay rent soon. 

“You should do only fans, or p*** h**, they make lots of money and that way you get something out of it other than stress and tiredness.” he says, making her almost choke on her sandwich. 

“W-what!”  y/n says just as Harry says “Dude! No!” 

“What’s the big deal? Lots of people do it, and you don’t even have to show your face. You could even go by a different name!” Niall reasons. 

Y/n was shocked by his suggestion, but she wouldn’t lie and say she was put off by the idea. Nobody would know it was her, and he did have a point about her not having to go by her own name. 

She couldn’t believe she was actually considering this but, you have to do what you have to do. 

“yeah uh” she clears her throat, “good suggestion Ni, but i think i’ll just stick with trying to find a job near campus” she says, chuckling as she takes another bite of her sandwich. 

“eh, it was worth a shot,” he laughs, before the conversation steers to assignments everyone had to get done and ones they’ve already done. 

After they all finish eating they sit around talking for a little bit before Y/n and Harry had to head for their last class of the day. 

As they walk to class, Harry’s arm that’s thrown over y/n’s pulls her into his side, “You know Niall was coming from a good place, right. He didn’t mean to offend you or anything,” he says, making you look up at him with your brows furrowed in confusion. 

“yeah , i know. I didn’t take any offence to it, but…” she trailed off, “What?” harry asks, motioning for her to continue as they walk past a group of people blocking the sidewalk. 

“Would it be so bad? I mean he had a point about me not having to show my face or use my actual name” she said, her eyes flicking over his face for some kind of clue into what he thought of it all. 

Harry doesn’t say anything for a while, it’s just as they were about to walk into their class that he pulled her to the side and let their other classmates go in first, “I don’t have a problem with it, it’s your body, you have the right to do whatever you want with it. If you decide that that’s what you want to do to make the money you need i’ll support you 100%, if not i’ll still support you, no matter what,” He tells her, looking into her eyes with nothing but seriousness splayed across his face. 

Y/n nods, standing up on her tiptoes and reaching her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly, “Thank you, Harry. I honestly don’t know what i’d do without you!” she mumbles into his neck as his arms wrap around her waist pulling her impossibly closer to his chest. 

“I don’t either honestly” he laughs, pulling away from her with a huge contagious smile across his face, only making her laugh and smile too. 

“Come on, let's go to class,” he said, throwing his arm back around her shoulder and leading her through the classroom doors. 

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It was later that night, y/n couldn’t sleep. Her thoughts running wild with what could happen if she did decide to become a camgirl, or whatever it was called these days. 

She was laying in bed, trying to find out more about what comes with being a camgirl, what she needed to do and what other people were looking to watch. 

She had found a girl, her page consisting of videos showing off her curves and sexy lingerie, along with videos of her using toys on herself. All of the videos have over thousands of views, y/n decided that she would message the women who went by ‘daddiespet20’. 

Rewrote her message so many times she lost count before she finally found what she wanted to ask and sent the message,“Hey! I’m y/n, i was wondering if you could maybe help me, i’ve been looking into getting into only fans. Could you maybe help me with some questions I have?”

She waited a while for a reply back, along with going down a tiktok rabbit hole, laughing at the stupid tiktoks Harry posted the other day. Her phone finally pinged with a notification, she quickly pulled the notification bar down to see it was a reply from the women she had messaged, “Daddiespet20: Hi! Yes ofc, ask away.”

She honestly wasn’t expecting to get a reply back, thinking the women must have thousands of people messaging her all day every day. 

Y/n quickly wrote out a message of the main questions she wanted answered, “Thank you sm! It’s only a few questions, 1: does the amount you get paid rely on the amount of views you get on each of your videos?, 2: how did you gain your audience, and keep them interested in what you were putting out?, 3: Do you have any tips on where to start (seeing as I'm new to all of this)?”

The woman answers all of y/n’s questions with no problem, along with telling her some tips on how to get started and how to gain followers. The conversion ends after messaging back and forth for almost an hour, y/n’s walking away with all the information she was looking for plus more. 

Talking to her really helped y/n come to the decision that this is what she was going to do, she was going to make videos of her showing off her body and pleasuring herself. Never in a million years did she think she would come to this just so she could keep a roof over her head and stay in school. 

Now all she had to do was buy some sexy lingerie and some toys, well more toys. What? She’s not a prude!

 It was getting late so she decided she would go to bed and figure everything out tomorrow, along with ordering her underwear and the toys online. She definitely didn’t need anyone from school seeing her by that stuff. God, she could just imagine the embarrassment she would feel if that happened. 

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Feed back is highly appreciated!! Hope you enjoyed 🥺🥰