#(I can imagine them being good friends!)
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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.
Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?
Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.
The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.
Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.
It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.
I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.
He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.
#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#STANLEYYYYYY#STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants#Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with#the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten#The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you#that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help#If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once#Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON#I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin“; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming#But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything#Like he really mattered so little to the people around him#and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too#I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him#The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things#And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year#Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people#the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better#its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand
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nah because crofty is genuinely insane because why would you say that about your coworker???? and to his face??? "this man knows lewis hamilton. friends, teammates, childhood buddies, rivals, everything but a lover." hello???? why are you saying that to nico rosberg's face???? why are you, as the lead f1 commentator, writing fanfiction about your coworker???? about him and his ex???? and also, what an insane thing to say about someone else's relationship!!! "everything but a lover"... just show them having gay sex onscreen, it would be less intimate than whatever the hell you just said.
#it's been almost 3 years since that happened and yet i still rotate that moment in my head like a rotisserie chicken#'everything but a lover'.... what a terribly intimate thing to say about another person#like isn't that more romantic than actually being someone's partner??? they are everything to you but a romantic interest#wow... they are your friend your brother the little butterflies in your stomach... everything and anything but a lover#because like you can live without a lover but can you live without the tender smile your friend gives you when something good happens?#can you live without the hugs and the shared podiums and the shared dreams and greece?#also imagine lewis coming home and eciding to watch a recap of the race and then crofty just says this... like what the fuck do you even sa#i just /know/ that the industry is scheming to bring them back together again bc what else could this have been?#david croft#lewis hamilton#nico rosberg#brocedes#f1
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“Haven’t You Noticed (I’m a Star)” from Steven Universe works so ridiculously well for Leo
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rottmnt leo#rise leo#listen it’s morning now and I haven’t slept so bear with me for the sudden unwarranted lyric analysis haha#a lotttt of the lyrics work so well for him#not even just the overall theme the words just work great#first lyric is literally ‘I can’t help it if I make a scene’ which is one to one with ‘Leo’s makin a scene’ from the rottmnt opening like-#‘I’m turning heads and I’m stopping traffic’ -> Leo has not made it a secret that he values his looks a LOT#-not just his looks but also his ability to get people’s attention#‘when I pose they scream when I joke they laugh’ -> I feel like this speaks for itself#-posing and joking for the crowd and himself#‘I’ve got them dazzled like a stage magician’ -> works both with Leo’s canonical love of magicians and his aptitude with tricks in general#‘well everybody needs a friend and I’ve got you and you and you’ -> I just think it’d be cute to imagine his friends here just as his bros#‘I got you and you and you’ = ‘my brainy guy my smashing guy and eats peanut butter with his fingers guy’#‘haven’t you noticed that I’m a star?’ -> Leo loves attention and especially loves when his feats and efforts are acknowledged#+ he loves glam rock and sci-fi and being a champ and - listen he has a LOT of star symbolism with him#‘haven’t you noticed I made it this far’ - Leo is well aware of how dangerous situations get and thinks himself only a part of a whole#-so hey it’s notable that he’s survived this long yeah?#‘now everyone can see me burning’ -> self-sacrificing with his family bearing witness + all his star and flame symbolism in general#+ how attention naturally goes to him - including bad attention where his mistakes are highlighted and burn bright#also even the limo lyric-#obviously this boy has never and will never own a limo but one of his main secondary colors IS pink so even that#okay that one is just a joke but he would#(on that note though I think the other colors the boys gravitate to outside THEIR color are fun to notice)#I don’t actually know too much about Steven universe beyond the songs and some eps but I like the music#and this just came to my tired mind so here you go anyone who’s interested#may draw something with these lyrics dunno yet#it’s a good song in any case even though it’s super short
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I don't think anyone has talked about post epilogue, when Rody someday comes to visit Izuku in Japan!
And what about Bakugou and Todoroki tagging along since they were all together in Otheon.
And Bakugou just CONSTANTLY struggling with his feelings coming from watching Rody and Izuku being besties and even looking like they are just a shade away from being a couple.
Pino hasn't made a single peep OTHER than affection for Izuku, and Bakugou knows what that means.
So Katsuki, who is obviously deep in his feelings for izuku, who is funding and orchestrating the secret support suit for Izuku, is just PINING for Izuku and "the rest of their lives", is just walking around Japan with Izuku, Rody and Rodys two little siblings, just SICK with his own frustration, jealously and anxiety.
But also he's desperately keeping himself in check because he has no right to ruin anything for Izuku. He wants Izuku to be happy. Right now, Izuku is so so happy to be with Rody.
But Rody is also extremely happy to be with Izuku...
Katsuki trying so hard not to hate Rody for it.
Katsuki trying so hard to not be mad that it's not HIM and Izuku out on a date, or a patrol, or even just a walk to the store, instead of Izuku guiding Rody around points of interest as a guest.
Katsuki is even getting to the horrible point in his life where he sees Izuku interacting with the young siblings(and he's always amazing with kids) and imagines them instead as little freckled kids with mops of blonde and green.
To further the illusion, as he stares with icy crimson eyes, he visualizes Rody standing there with a hand on Izukus shoulder instead to be himself, Katsuki "DynaMight" Bakugou, standing proud and beaming over their tiny family.
The thought makes him feel fluttery inside but at the same time, so lonely.
He sneered over how much he craved that domesticity.
Katsuki GROWLING like a territorial cat if Rody takes Izuku by the hand to go look at something new.
Katsuki almost losing it and maybe even having to walk away from the others if Rody starts floating the idea of Izuku visiting or even leaving Japan for Otheon. Telling him there's always room for him in their place(by now he has gotten a better apartment) and the kids screaming YES DEKU COME STAY WITH US!
Katsuki having to collect himself as he can't help but overhear Izuku kindly saying it would be nice to visit someday(but he doesn't hear Izuku go on to say that he would overall prefer to stay in Japan bc it's home and his mom/kacchan is here and his studies, plus a job is already lined up for him at UA....)
Then Todoroki sensing all of this simmering emotion in Katsuki of course and assuring Katsuki with his presence. He let's Katsuki rib him if it makes him feel better(it doesn't)
But Todoroki would also eventually assure Katsuki that "You're underestimating how much Midoriya cares for you. Just because he hasn't said it....we all know he's just not very forward about his true feelings."
Katsuki hopes that's true but just kind of grunts in response.
"You know...you could always ask him out yourself" Todoroki tells him in the flattest tone possible, and Katsuki sputters and turns beet red
#hes working up to that he swears#he doesnt think he deserves Izuku yet which is so sad#😭#rodydeku#bakudeku#bakugou katsuki#todoroki and bakugou are the third and fourth wheel#just like the movie lmao#izuku having auch a good timw with all of his friends#but two of his friends are madly in love with him and one of them is pining SO AGGRESSIVELY#katsuki bakugou down bad#bnha spoilers#post epilogue bkdk#i imagine this as not too long after UA maybe?? maybe college years?#katsuki being like if you wanna leave you can leave#but izuku like ??? i dont wanna leave tho??#todoroki like would you two just confess already i am tired#poor rody probably knows tho
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"Funny enough I—like, if street hockey, ministicks, I always wanted to be a goalie too! Like, for some reason I always wanted to go in net. You know, probably because of [my Dad] and then, um, you know, once you get dinged a couple times and the shots get too hard you realise—then it's not so much fun after all so... Yeah, it was great he'd always—" "You probably wanted to be goalie 'cuz you're fucking crazy, man! Those guys are bananas! I actually went as a goalie in morning skate one time when I was suspended in the coast, and it was the scariest thing ever, bro. It's nothing like blocking a shot because you're literally just standing there, and these guys are shooting right at you. It's unbelievable!" "Yeah! You gotta get in the way of the stuff to save it! That's crazy! I know, and like obviously gear is like great and they don't really feel—but there is, like, that psychological thing going on where, like, you know, you wanna move out of the way 'cuz it's gonna hurt! I get—I mean, it must not hurt that much, like, 'cuz Bob's crazy, man! Bob loves taking—Well, I wouldn't say loves taking it off the head, but he doesn't hate it, like he—" "Feels good?" "You know, every once in a while—they hit him in the head and you go up and say sorry he's like, 'No, no! It's all good! I love it, I love it!!' and like, kind-of shoos you away so."
The Buzz Pod | 8.7.24 (x)
so speaking of banking pucks off bobbys head and how much he loves it flashback to that day in october of 23 where bobby was doing that for practise and managed to rope in matthew to the shenanigans to the utter confusion of everyone involved (x)(x)(x)(x)
#ryan lomberg#sergei bobrovsky#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#why can i perfectly imagine i love it i love it!! in bobbys voice#i love our resident maniac#goalies are a different breed#but especially bobby#theres still something so funny about asking the nicest guy on the team#to aim dingers off ya head absolutely knowing itd put them at odds with themselves#psychological warfare#i dont want to hurt him but also i love being a good teammate and helping my friends :(#absolutely diabolical for bobby to take advantage of matthews midwesternisms like that#every cat tries to be nice to their pretty princess but shes an actual lunatic#“we try to go up to say sorry but hes all like its all good i love it!” and other lore to add to the great big book of panthers#HE SHOOS THEM AWAY FROM THE CREASE AFTER THEY ALMOST CAUSE HIM A CONCUSSION OKAY????#LIKE OKAY OFF YOU GO IM FINE NOW GO BACK TO HITTING ME#bobbys a different breed truly#you know when they praise his work ethic i dont think they had this mind#i love lombo bringing this up during the goalies are fuckin crazy eh boys? segment#its so amusing to see how appalled he sounds when he says “they hit him in the head...” quote#like he just had to bring that up because hes still soooo about how egregious it is LIKE HE JUST SHOOS US AWAY???#phenomenal work here lads truly
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if I had a nickel for every time I was in a fandom and a child character had a breakdown and did something that accidentally hurt another character, and then the fandom all turned on the character and vilified them because they [the fandom] can’t understand that sometimes 14 year olds make mistakes when they’re going through something traumatic, I would have 2 nickels
not a lot but it really is weird it happened twice
#This is targeted at anyone who vilifies Gon from hxh or Homura from pmmm#”Gon was manipulative towards Killua and took advantage of him” shut up shut the fuck up#”Homura never actually cared about any of the other girls she only cared about Madoka” never touch the internet ever again you absolute idi#I’m sorry that some of you incells can’t understand moral complexity or that characters can’t always be 100% good all the time#they were kids#they were only 14#At the same time saying stuff like this is actively undermining both Gon and Homuras characters but also Killua and Madokas as well#Killua and Gons friendship was kinda toxic from the beginning. They were each others first ever friends#and they didn’t really know how to have any#Gon was literally having a mental breakdown confronting the person who killed the closest thing he had ever had to a father#can you really blame him for lashing out???#And Homura#don’t get me started on the amount of idiots in the pmmm fandom who think she’s evil because he did what she thought was best for Madoka#she heard Madoka say she was unhappy being a god and how lonely she was and she took action#if she didn’t care about the other girls then WHY DID THE CLARA DOLLA DRAG THEM INTO HER LABYRINTH???#WHY DID SHE MAKE SURE THEY WERE ALL HAPPY WHEN SHE REWROTE THE UNIVERSE??#she tried for years to save Madoka just to fail when she made her final wish to become a god#imagine how she felt when she realized she wasn’t happy with that outcome either#when she realized she was all alone#she just wanted for her to be happy.#i swear to god#if you think either Gon or Homura are evil you might as well just block me now#because I fully believe you should not be allowed internet access#rant#rant post#pmmm#madoka magica#homura akemi#puella magi madoka magica#madoka kamane
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ཐི ₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ཋྀ
#oooof... it's officially my birthday#and i always have bad anxiety the entire day#just seeing the date on my phone or ipad makes me wanna vomit :///#i just hate it so much....#i know it is dramatic but yeah.. :(( i just dont feel good at all and i never do#it's such a deep feeling of that i am so very unimportant#and all i am is a worthless burden on everyone and i should've never been born#i fantasize abt being important and revered and like...#i feel embarrassed even saying it lmaoooo but i fantasize abt my birthday being inportant#even if i know that as an adult and the older u are the less big of a deal birthdays are#it's just that i missed out on sm of it... so i still wish for it#but i feel silly for even feeling that way bc im asking for too much to be important at all#i feel demanding and unfair and expectant and#it is so much easier to just hate myself and wanna die lmao#rather than ...... disappointment and sadness... even after all of these years i still feel so saf#SAD******#and i see my old friends having birthday parties and dinners with a lot of guests on their birthdays#and they still post on eo's walls and like#i wanna cry..... bc i cant even imagine more than one person doing that for me and barely even that tbh#and ppl.. allowijg ME to be important and centered for one day...? thats batshit insane never would happen#allowing******#i know its oversensitive and dramatic and every year im like god shut the fuck up crybaby#u havent been important for years and years and years get over it%#!!!!!* and i try to do that but still every year i get so unbelieavably depressed#excuse me for still having this childish need to want to be important#the way see all of them be.... 🙄 ugh anyway#i wanna die so i can stop being a bother and a burden and suffer everyday bc im not allowed to exist 🙏#im really trying to be brave and shut up abt it but my entire chest burns and my heart aches i feel so so so bad i just wanna cry but i cant
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sometimes i think about daigo interacting with the mundane and thinking about mine and i throw up a little bit ngl
#snap chats#yk what i mean. By Design the first thought that should come to mind with mine is money and expensive things#but instead of seeing expensive watches or flashy cars and thinking of mine i hope daigo thinks about how he liked his coffee#maybe daigo sees an interesting piece of art and wonders what mine wouldve thought of it#maybe daigo tries to read a little more on his downtime- what if mine always had a book on his desk when he'd visit#does daigo listen to classical music more nowadays ? maybe he stares at pianos a little too long now when he spots them#just. remembering the human aspects of mine instead of him being just a piggy bank#it's easy to do when he was/is also in a position where he was only valued for his money or authority/relation to authority#he's haunted! allegedly. in my opinion. haunted by anything and everything that reminds him of him#theres a time and place to be haunted but work hours is not it. until a mfer come into your room and be like#'lol remember that clan.that went under after its patriarch killed himself' and then you have fight the demons not to kill someone#anyway. im gonna sit on a fic of this for nine years while i work good bye everyone#i love it when daigos haunted its so rude#i try not to imagine daigo as solely a grieving widow for until the end of time. however he can have his moments#i think he's allowed to be melancholy about losing his ''''''''best friend''''''' sometimes
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ninjago seabound hurts. so much. what the fuck
#ninjago seabound#i think this might be the thing to get me drawing again#we shall see#also im very close to crying haha#she turned. into the sea. to save him#and like. the city and all their friends too but he was quite literally dying and the only answer was for her to become one with the sea an#and she#and he sees her after having the water taken out of his lungs. he sees her out the window and she sees him and they put their hands on#either side of the glass. and he doesn't yet know what she did. what it would cost#in the fight later. he sees her explode and takes on kalmaar with blind fury#and then she's back- as a dragon now- and she explodes again and comes back as a bigger dragon and#how can he think anything but good things? he knows what she did now but she's so strong. so invincible. ofc she'll overcome the odds#she'll keep herself together! she will. he has to believe that#and then she wins. and its all over. and everyone's saying they'll just have to get used to her watery body for now#until they find a way to turn her back.#she doesn't understand. she doesn't remember who she used to be. is actively losing the battle to retain her self#and they plead. all of her friends. her master. her Brother.#and him. Jay. her boyfriend.#and there's a moment. a single brief moment where she turns back.#she smiles and holds jay's hands. she caresses his cheek.#and just as quick as she came#she left. jay screaming her name as she dives back into the sea#and then the funeral. because what else do you call it but a funeral.#they call all of her friends and family. they pour seawater in an urn. they hold a service of sorts.#and i'd like to imagine each person feels responsible in some way. for not doing more. for not being as convincing to her.#some feel it more than others. Wu is- was her master. Kai her brother.#and Jay. Jay was her-#out of all of them Jay beat himself up the most. because what good is love if you can't convince them to stay?#woah sorry about that i was possessed by angst#also i feel like you could tie in Jay's abandonment issues with his birth parents here if that wasn't clear <3
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reading the novel, i love how blatantly indulgent of the juniors lan wangji is. when he was their age, he was duelling wei wuxian over broken rules and lived his life by behaving as precisely as what was expected of him, and now as an adult, he's basically letting the juniors do whatever they want as long as it isn't unsafe and generally letting the kids act like kids
which leaves wei wuxian to have to be the one playing bad cop. wei "has never followed anyone else's rules in his life" "bane of lan qiren's existence" "public enemy number one" wuxian has to be the one being like "oh my god don't burn money on someone else's doorstep, don't you know that's rude. you kids need to focus on your studies more, why isn't anyone teaching you anything useful, do i have to do everything myself around here"
#mdzs#it's really cute tbh#and not at all what you'd expect from a surface level impression of them#lwj has spent so much of his life being restrained and basically never got to be a kid#so he's so indulgent of these kids so they don't have to grow up miserable like he did#meanwhile wei wuxian was very unrestrained and then suffered because of it#so he's like you kids need to learn how to do things properly or else you are going to be Killed#they make a good teacher duo tbh#I love how much wwx seems to enjoy teaching them#I just love the bit when they're burning money on someone's yard#and wwx is like ''aren't you going to tell them to stop??''#and lwj is like ''you do it''#and so wwx is the one to go over and scold them#can you imagine being the lan juniors#you go to the mo estate and meet this guy who is notoriously gay and insane#who messes with your spiritual tools and sics some corpses on each other#and then he's hanging off of your esteemed hanguang-jun#who as far as you know has never had any friends#except this guy apparently#and then suddenly hanguang-jun is parading the notoriously insane guy around with his sacred forehead ribbon around his wrists#and the notoriously insane guy is very seriously scolding you for not knowing more about ghosts and is definitely doing necromancy#while hanguang-jun makes heart eyes at him#what would you even do with that
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EYE do not want to have kids . i have NEVER wanted to have kids (source: three year old me who lived thru my mom's very unpleasant experience having my twin siblings and literally made up deep lore for every doll i ever had to ensure that everyone knew they were adopted and did NOT come from my tummy (the tummy thing is also a direct quote)). HOWEVERRRRRR. when people are good w kids i turn into a fucking puddle of goo.
#like i do think being decent w children#(like. treating them like human beings. being kind and silly n attentive w them and taking their concerns seriously)#is a pretty key consideration for like serious dating for me#not in a 'well they need to be a good co-parent' way (necessarily. have not ruled out adoption/partner carrying. just pregnancy 4 myself)#but in a 'i plan on being a very involved aunt to my siblings' kids my cousins' kids my friends' kids the neighbors' kids etc' way#and in a 'if you cant be decent to children for even fifteen minutes there is something fundamentally mismatched w us' way i guess#i have drunkenly told MANY people like bro when ur kids r old enough i am showing up to ur house w a $400 lego kit#and sending u out on date night or whatever. idc get out somewhere. so me and ur kids can build some crazy shit#i ALREADY send my one hs friend who has two kids copies of my fave books from when i was that age#ANYWAYS. basically it's sweet AND it's also . hot ? so u can imagine how much psychological damage lando does to me on a monthly basis
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what they dont tell you about being incredibly introspective is that you'll think you're done making realizations and then you'll just make more realizations always all the time forever
#dude. guess who just found out the reason he's incapable of imagining himself in a good relationship#is bc he's never witnessed any growing up.#my parents dont have a relationship i would want#only one of my siblings is married and her husband sucks. other has never dated while ive been alive (im much younger)#+ my other sibling had. a strange relationship i wont mention details of but this was also like 5 yrs ago and he hasnt dated since#i have very few close friends and none of them dated as we grew up either#or even with some its like. i wldnt want your relationship lol...#the only Good relationships i see are online from ppl i follow. and then i cant trust em bc we only see the Good Parts#so like. do they even exist... i dont think so....#if i wasnt starved for physical touch id consider throwing in the towel permanently#but idk maybe ill buy one of those pillows with the arms that wrap around you#and a few more **** and try and cope with it in kenland or al's farm forever#talkys#im still 100% serious about ppl who have good relationships being lucky bc i feel like#the chances of finding someone you mesh with and are attracted to and can communicate with. are so slim.#i can barely ever find someone meeting one of many requirements. i can barely make friends. etc
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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#told one of my local church people that I'm planning to move this year#one I've spent a bit of time with this year#and she was so excited. and she was so specifically like yes. this seems like a good thing for YOU#i can imagine you thriving in this environment i can imagine it is what you need to thrive#and it was so....#what i need??#I've told a few people outside my current town - and they're excited but they're also so biased bc i will be closer to them and that's fine#and I've told a few people in this town and most of them don't quite get it#not the moving - they get that - but they don't get the monastery they're just a bit confused#it was SO lovely to have someone from here who got it and gets me and i think that's a specific kind of support I'll need in the moving#and I'm like. sad i couldn't be this for my best friend when she moved? but also you can't be all kinds of friends to all people?#like. it's ok that i felt so confused about her leaving. excited for the wedding but also so so sad. that's part of being human that's part#of loving her#but this is a kind of friendship i also need
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stop trying to fight diet culture like this, you're not doing what you think you're doing
#tbc YES diet culture is horrible and nasty#especially with how *aestheticized* it is online#like ed & pro ana corners of the internet leak onto mainstream feeds all the time#'coquette' blogs are like a bridge between the two but that's another conversation#i genuinely believe we need to normalize women and girls eating and that bodies can just exist without looking 'camera ready'#but holy shit posts like these do not fucking help anyone with eating disorders#'have fun losing all your hair and shivering and getting dizzy!' like fuck you???#that shit only happens when someone is regularly themselves not skipping a meal#i mean skipping meals isn't good either i just mean that fainting spells and hair loss are signs of a failing body#and if someone is 'dieting' to the extant that's happening to them...that's very fucking serious!#it doesn't matter if they have a diagnosed ed or not this is such a gross way to talk about this shit#like imagine trying to combat against 'being lazy' or something#'i just went to the beach with all my friends and had a great time imagine laying in bed for days during the summer couldn't be me'#like people don't do that shit for funsies those are signs of a serious problem!!#mickey.txt#again i KNOW pro ana coquette shit is rlly prevalent on tiktok and that shit has serious consequences#but mocking obvious signs of serious mental health issues doesn't fucking help anyone!! GOD
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i am forever a believer in the idea that lila is bob's daughter. makes for really good angst honestly
#spooky month#bob velseb#lila spooky month#save me lila velseb save me#like can you imagine having an encounter with a serial killer and then finding out IT'S YOUR DAD.#i like to imagine they had a good relationship otherwise.... like growing up lila always did everything with her dad#and then her ol' pops gets arrested one day and she doesn't know why. she always thought of him as an innocent man who could do no wrong.#i mean. he was such an amazing dad to her and even her friends. so he wouldn't ever hurt anyone. right?#and she doesn't find out why he got arrested until around the time of the events of sm5#oh and lila is DEVESTATED#on the other hand i can imagine bob being a good grandpa to skid when he was like super super little.........#like he's holding baby skid like Ohh... Ouuhhhhhh i'm a grampa......#why he decides to go after his daughter and grandson isn't something i've come up with a solid headcanon for yet though tbh#anyone with additional headcanons abt them PLEASE go off abt it#i'm ears 👂👂👂👂👂👂👂#aubrey rambles
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