#((... mostly))

[belovedrival]

This is hysterical because it’s mostly true. As in, the only people missing from this astute analysis are the Gardiners (come on - Lizzy gets a *few* points for having an excellent aunt and uncle, right?) and Mary, because of course Mary gets forgotten by Darcy. Not that she’d do anything to help her sister’s cause.

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

[loozerboykisser]

Sometimes when I scroll through tumblr I’m really glad I don’t know some of these people personally

[hitmehardnsweet]

sophie hearing travis bring up the slumber party make outs and jealousy and having absolutely no idea he was talking about jackie and shauna making out with each other is so funny to me. she is truly the straightest woman in the world. and clueless <3

[imheretoreadafic]

When Bruce was new to the whole having children thing, he was always stepping in and trying to break up fights. His resolve was quickly broken, and he just decided to put rules on fighting out problems. No breaking anything, no weapons, no hitting face, neck, or groin, and no knockouts.

Batman leaned against the wall and casually watched as Robin and Red Robin beat the shit out of each other. The JL glanced at each other.

"You... You gonna do something about that, Bats?" Barry asks cautiously.

"It's been a long time coming." Bruce grunts. "Let them handle it." A hit to the jaw lands on Damian, and he shouts at them: "AY, KEEP IT AWAY FROM THE FACE!"

"FUCK OFF!" Tim screams but he doesn't punch Damian in the face again.

Diana nods. "I approve of this parenting technique. Sometimes problems need to be solved with some bruises and blood." Bruce nods as well.

"I've found breaking up their fights just means they still get bruised but no issue is solved." Batman explains and Diana hums thoughtfully.

"Would it not also be adequate to have them duel?"

"No, they do actual damage if i let them have a weapon.

"Ah, I suppose that makes sense."

Everyone is horrified.

[mountpyro]

Meanwhile:

Danny was a little bit hurt that his parents thought the only way they could bond with a ghost son was by committing crimes.

Until he finally had back-up with the government agency that wanted to torture him, and acting like a villain with his parents turned out to be really really fun. Danny has to come to terms with the fact that being "evil" is way more enjoyable (and less stressful) than trying to keep an ungrateful city intact.

Danny: maybe they have a point. Being good just got me beat up and hated. Maybe...ghosts should be bad.

Jazz: hUH?

Danny: all my asshole ghost friends are happy being dicks?

Sam: HELL YEAH! LET'S BREAK SOME RULES!!! *fires a Fenton Bazooka at a patrolling GIW van*

Tucker: Sam you aren't dead though?

Sam: I'm dead inside. does that count?

Jazz:

and while im thinking abt it

i enjoy fenton family angst for the sake of dcxdp just as much as the next guy but what i REALLY prefer is danny’s parents finding out he’s a ghost and just being like “but like…it’s just danny” and helping him fight ghost crime and whatever.

i think they still wouldnt LIKE ghosts but like. thats their son. they raised him, they know him. why would they ever hurt their boy? ghost or not danny is a fenton

[enbyandyy]

you go girl they're here for the vibes

[frownyalfred]

“You wanna fight someone, you fight me” seemed like a silly rule at first. but after there was more than one batkid living in the Manor at the same time, suddenly the prospect of having to spar with Bruce on the mats because you couldn’t stop yourself from throwing a punch at Tim earlier is terrifying.

[sethdomain]

Space experimented child soldier capitalism miraculous ladybug AU. What's next

[raineyraven]

man i feel bad for fans of the httyd movies who haven't seen the shows, especially race to the edge. like they don't know that the riders left berk and lived on an outpost together to go adventuring and fight dragon hunters as a team. they don't know that snotlout and astrid and fishlegs and the twins got character development. they don't know how cool and interesting the villains in the shows are compared to the movies. they don't know that the riders are filled with love and loyalty to each other and they bicker and train and play card games with each other and have sleepovers together and will risk their lives for their friends and their dragons in a heartbeat. imagine that.

[mubabee]

(Idk if it uploaded so imma try again)Jing yuan with child!reader like I said

I hate writing dialogue for this man he got a certain way of wording shit that I can’t comprehend or think of

The art style change with each drawing man I was getting lazy I didn’t even shade the last one errrr

u can see this as y/n or ur child with him

He apologized dw

[the-hopeless-fanboy]

[paradox-n-bedrock]

me in big fandoms: oh cool, it's so active and there's so many people to vibe with, this is amaz-

*finds my niche angle that appeals to approximately six people*

me: okay, folks, it's you and me now

[eaglerayys]

Me after finishing Harrow the Ninth

[rosenkranz-does-things]

today, I offer you some x files shitposts. tomorrow? who knows

[rungapikattohikattara]

this is too perfect…