#(( but if you just wanna talk to cal casually he’s here for that ))

[hottpinkpenguin]

Letting Someone Go - Part 3

Benny Cross X Female Reader A/n: part 1 is here! part 2 is here! Word Count: 2392 Warnings: alcohol use, cursing, angsty angstiness

Johnny, Cal, and Zipco were at Junker’s Tavern when you pulled up six days later. You’d found every excuse in the book to turn what should have been a 5-hour straight shot east into a six day, meandering countryside tour. After much deliberation, you’d phoned the bar the night before from yet another shitty hotel room outside Chicago and had stammered out a request to Johnny that Benny not be there when you pull in. He hadn’t said much, just sorta grunted on the other end and fed you some bullshit about how I ain’t Benny’s goddamn keeper. But after you’d cussed him out some and asked him again, he begrudgingly agreed. You were glad, but not surprised, that he’d kept his word. Your welcome party was small, and with the noticeable exception of Brucie and Gail, those three guys were your closest pals in the Vandals. In spite of yourself, you found you were glad to see them. 

Zipco was as gruff as ever, didn’t crack a smile as he strode over to your bike with his long legs. He’d wrapped you up in a rib-cracking hug, mumbled something in your hair about how it was good to see you, and had disappeared back into the dark interior of the pub. Johnny had nodded at you stoically from the doorway. He looked about ten years older, with worry lines etched into his face and an emptiness in his eyes. Cal shot you a shy smile and an awkward wave as he came over to take your helmet. You shook out your hair from its braid, relishing the feel of your hair loosening at the roots and groaning appreciatively. You didn’t miss the way the sound made Cal squirm like a schoolboy, and it made you chuckle. 

“How you been, Cal?” you asked him with a little more flirt than you meant. It had been a long time since you’d talked to a man without trying to get him to buy you a drink or take your mind off yourself for an evening. 

He shrugged casually. “Can’t complain.”

“Mmm,” you replied in agreement. “Nobody would wanna listen anyways.” 

He scoffed as he followed you inside Junker’s. The tavern was exactly how you remembered it, down to the broken lightbulb in the back corner, the aging jukebox, the scuffed up pool table, and the neon Budweiser sign blinking erratically behind the permanently sticky bartop. 

“I see you boys been busy makin’ improvements in here,” you commented sarcastically as you joined Johnny and Zipco at their usual table. The bar was technically closed, but Johnny knew the owner, so it was yours for the afternoon. You spun your chair around so you could dangle your arms over the backrest. Zipco offered you a beer, which you accepted gratefully. Once Cal slid into a chair across from you, Johnny raised his bottle towards the center of the table.

“To Brucie,” he said softly and sadly. “The best of us.” The rest of you clinked your beers to Johnny’s, murmuring an echo of his toast. Suddenly the air in the bar felt heavy and thick around you. You couldn’t meet the eyes of the other three, and you were fairly certain their gazes were glued to the tabletop just like yours, fighting back the wave of emotions that had just swamped the room. 

Johnny cleared his throat after a few moments, breaking the tension. He turned to you, a serious look in his eyes.

“Funeral’s tomorrow,” he informed you, as if you didn’t know. You nodded, taking another generous swig of beer. 

“Whole club’s gonna be there.” It was Zipco’s turn to chime in now. You narrowed your eyes at the three men, sensing a trap. Cal was watching you gently, and something in his gaze made you want to smack him. You didn’t like the softness he seemed to be extending to you with his eyes.

“Yea, I figured as much,” you replied testily, setting your beer down a little harsher than necessary. Zipco and Johnny exchanged a glance that you didn’t miss, and it set your teeth on edge. Definitely a trap.

“Benny included.” Johnny didn’t look up at you, instead he set to picking off the label on his Pabst. You chewed on your tongue for a moment, trying to remind yourself that these three were as close to friends as you had in this world and deserved more than your anger. 

“Yea.” Unable to say more, you sat and waited. For the second time in as many minutes, the bar felt too small for the four of you. Or maybe it was too big, the size of the room and the memories of this place drowning you out and suffocating you.

“We don’t want no problems.” It was Johnny who finally spoke. His voice was even and smooth. He was nervous, you realized. Nervous about how you’d react. You exhaled slowly through your nose as you bit down on the mean things you thought about saying. Why the fuck did you invite me then, if you’re so worried about me being a problem. 

Cal’s leg was bouncing, and the keys he had hanging from his belt loop jingled softly in the late afternoon light that streamed through the lone window of the bar. You could see dust motes dancing in the sunlight, oblivious to the fact that you felt ready to split apart at the seams. The prospect of seeing Benny so soon hit you like a freight train. Were you really ready? Was Johnny right to worry about there being ‘a problem’? How were you going to react? Was she going to be there?

It was Zipco who broke the moment. He reached across the table and found your hand. You startled at the movement but didn’t pull back. He squeezed your hand reassuringly and gave you a small, conciliatory smile. 

“Our girl’s gonna be fine, Johnny,” he said with much more confidence than you felt. “She’s rock steady.” 

Suddenly there were tears welling in your eyes and you were overwhelmed with gratitude. Four years almost since you’d seen these guys. You hadn’t called once, hadn’t thought to drop a postcard in the mail just to let them know you were alive. You’d just up and left. Sure, you’d been leaving Benny. But in the process, you’d lost sight of who else you were leaving. And instead of holding it against you - or worse, forgetting about you - they’d held a place for you here. For the first time in a long time, you were surrounded by people who actually knew you, actually cared. 

You bit the inside of your lip to keep it from trembling and managed to nod in response to Zipco’s vote of confidence. He squeezed your hand again before withdrawing his. Johnny and Cal smiled at you, sensing that something had shifted inside you. You were changed, no doubt, but not totally lost. And it felt good to realize that, to remember who you were. You spent the rest of the afternoon in the quiet bar, drinking and talking stories with Zipco, Cal, and Johnny until the clock read 1:43am and you’d drunk up all the Pabst and Four Roses you could get your hands on. You crashed on Zipco’s couch that night, and as you lay there, looking up at the ceiling and waiting for the spins to stop so you could get some sleep, you came to terms with what you always knew would happen if you ever came back to Chicago:

You were home, and you weren’t leaving again. 

***********************

You woke up the morning of Brucie’s funeral with a stiff back, a throbbing headache, and a tightness in your chest. The first two you treated with four ibuprofen and a strong cup of strong, black coffee. The third one wasn’t treatable. No medicine you could take to help with a nervous broken heart. 

The entire club rode over to the funeral home where Brucie’s viewing was. Brucie’s parents had made it clear that Vandals weren’t welcome inside. 

“They don’t own the fuckin’ sidewalk, do they?” Johnny had asked with thunder in his voice as he cut the engine on his Harley in the funeral home parking lot. The new guy who’d brought the news of the Vandals specific dis-invitation to the viewing stammered out a terrified apology and retreated into the assembling MC crowd. You were trailing along beside Zipco, trying your best to stop fidgeting with the ill-fitting black dress you’d managed to scrounge out of a Goodwill bin back in Davenport. Your head was buzzing, courtesy of your hangover, the espresso-strength coffee that Zipco had made you, and a low grade terror at what you knew was only moments away. Sensing your nerves, Zipco reached back for your hand. You accepted it gratefully, feeling reassured by your old friend’s steadiness. He gently led you closer to where the Vandals, all in black, were starting to form lines flanking the entrance to the funeral home. 

“Y/n? Jesus Christ, is that you?!”

Sheila, never one for subtlety or propriety, shattered the somber mood of the crowd with a shriek of disbelief. You winced a bit, wanting nothing more than to dissolve into dust and get blown away on the next breeze. The last thing you wanted today of all days was to be the center of attention. 

Unable to ignore her, you turned towards the sound of your friend’s greeting. She slammed into you running a million miles an hour, her arms wrapping around you in a tight embrace.

“Christ almighty, I can’t believe you’re here! When did you get back?” 

“Sheila, ssh, just keep it down-”

“I know, I know, I just can’t believe it! I haven’t seen you in, well- jeeze, how long’s it been?”

“Four years,” you mumbled, feeling small. It felt real shitty to tell someone you were supposed to have been close with that it had been years - literal years - since you’d last seen them. 

“Four years, Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, you’re right!” Sheila’s voice was getting louder as her excitement was bubbling up again. 

Eager to distract her, you reached for the first inane question you could think of. “So, anyways, how you been doin’, you still hangin’ with the club then?”

“Oh yeah, well, I guess you wouldn’t know, but yea, Wahoo and I got married!” She flashed a ring in your face with a giddy grin. “Yea, it took a while, y’know how men are, but after about two years of datin’ I says to him ‘listen, Beau, you’re either in or you’re out, stop draggin’ your feet already’. And yea, maybe like a week later I had this little beaut on my finger and-”

Halfway through Sheila’s rambling story, the ground opened up and swallowed you whole. You were nervously glancing around the crowd, trying to stay as close to Zipco as you could physically manage and trying desperately to keep Sheila from causing too much of a ruckus, when you locked eyes with him. After all these years, Benny was still as devastating as ever, with his hair a little longer and his smile a little softer than the last time you’d seen him. You’d know him anywhere. Hell, you’d know Benny Cross in the dark.

For a split second, you saw him before he saw you. In the next instant, those blue eyes locked with yours. Your grip tightened like a vice on Zipco’s hand. Sheila was still yammering at you, but your ears felt stuffed with cotton and your head a million miles away. All you could do was look at him, your eyes greedily roaming over his face, desperately memorizing everything about him as if you’d never get another chance again. 

Benny’s expression was unreadable. He held your gaze calmly. You knew you shouldn’t, but you tried to swim into his eyes to see if there was anything like guilt in those two blue oceans. Didn’t he feel the least bit bad for what he’d done? Didn’t he know that you’d barely survived these last four years? Didn’t he care?

You weren’t sure how long you looked at Benny. It could have been seconds or eons. However long it was, it wasn’t nearly enough. There was a bottomless, demanding hunger for more of him deep in your gut. You felt like you could literally crawl into his skin alongside him and it wouldn’t be enough. It was maddening, desperate and overwhelming. And to add salt to the wound, Benny gave you nothing. A barely-there smile that could have said anything: amusement, pity, discomfort, adoration, apathy. Eyes that slid past you, through you, and over you easily as he made idle conversation with the other Vandals and watched Brucie’s casket pass by. You couldn’t read anything in him, and it threatened to crush what few pieces of yourself you had left.

You tried your best to turn your head towards Brucie, but it was no good. Brucie deserved better from you, you knew it, and there was no help for it. You were lost in Benny again. It had taken you fifteen months to meet him, love him, and lose him. Four years to race against the crushing heartbreak that threatened to swamp you. And less than a heartbeat to fall back in love with him. 

It wasn’t until Zipco literally dragged you away from the funeral home that your head came plunging out of the clouds. You were sure you looked half-crazed, craning your neck to catch one more glimpse of Benny before the crowd swallowed him up amidst the roar of a dozen or so motorcycles coming to life. He didn’t bat an eye at your absence. It made you wish you could burst into flames, just to see if he’d react, burns and agony be damned. 

You didn’t notice anything on the ride home. The wind tore at your face and ripped out tears. After a few agonizing moments, you lay your head against Zipco’s back with an exhausted sigh and willed the world to drown itself out. Another realization buried itself deep in your bones as you let the bike and the asphalt and the wind and Zipco lull you to sleep:

You were home, you weren’t leaving, and it was probably going to be the death of you.

**read part 4 here

Taglist: @real-lana-del-rey @putherup @dontcrydaddy @gilli-vanilli @faephoria @summer56 @seresinhangmanjake @patrycqv @rose-deathman

[forest-hashira]

New Lengths

I CONTINUE TO PROVIDE ALL THE TRANSFEM GOJO CONTENT I WANT AND CAN'T FIND ELSEWHERE!!! this time back with the reader inserts! (there's a stsg transfem gojo piece on my ao3 account if anyone wants to read that too!) anyways sorry it's been so long since i updated this series, i got stuck for a while. once again huge thank you to cal (i forgot your url i'm so sorry update he's @dr-runs-with-scissors) bc he loves transfem gojo probably as much as i do and constantly encourages me to come back to her. love u friend 💜

series masterlist here | read on ao3 here | wc: ~2.3k | cw: transfem gojo (duh), gender neutral reader, fluff as usual, you trim her undercut, that's basically it lol

The progression of Satoru making changes to her appearance was gradual, and you’d been with her every step of the way, encouraging her to take things at a pace that felt natural to her. 

Of course, you’d also been happy to indulge her at every turn, painting her nails every time she decided she wanted to try a different color – she’d amassed quite the collection of blues and glittery top coats since that first trip to the drugstore –  as well as helping her find different makeup products to try out, though most of that browsing was done online. 

A few weeks after she started wearing lip gloss out of the house, she’d gained the confidence to let you put a little bit of product on her brows and lashes. It wasn’t anything super noticeable, just a bit of clear gel, but she’d been ecstatic the whole day afterwards, her eyes sparkling behind her sunglasses. 

A few days after she started wearing the gloss and lash gel out of the house, you noticed her hair had gotten a bit longer, and it no longer stood up as straight when she wore the blindfold. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen any noticeable difference in the length of her hair, so you decided to bring it up.

“You haven’t been wearing your blindfold as much lately,” you murmured from your spot on the bed, gently rubbing some leave-in conditioner into her hair – not really anything fancy, just something to help keep it soft and fluffy – and giving her a gentle scalp massage in the process.

“Haven’t felt like it,” Satoru answered casually, leaning a bit further into your legs from her spot on the floor in front of you as you continued to work the product into the damp strands. “Feels better to wear the glasses when I wear product in my lashes, too. Doesn’t make everything feel crushed, I guess.”

You hummed, giving a small nod. The movements of your fingers slowed a bit, though you still continued to lightly scratch at her scalp the way you knew she liked. “Is your hair bothering you at all, either?” It was impossible to miss the way her shoulders tensed slightly at your question. “I noticed that it’s starting to fall in your face more than it used to, even with the blindfold on.”

She was silent for a few long moments, then nodded slightly. “Yeah, it does,” she agreed quietly, and when you looked further down, you could see she was rubbing her thumbs along the sides of her fingers, an anxious tic you’d noticed she had even before you’d started dating, but it seemed to have gotten worse since she’d started to transition in private.

The silence that settled over you then was tense, but not necessarily uncomfortable. When it became apparent to you that she wasn’t going to be the one to break the silence, though, you took a deep breath. “Do you want to grow it out, princess? Because you don’t have to, if you like your hair the length it is now. Plenty of women don’t grow their hair out long.” 

A shuddering sigh escaped her lips then, as if the words had given her permission to talk about changing this part of her appearance, permission to admit she was ready for another step forward. “I-I, uh…” Her voice faltered for a moment, but as always, you patiently waited until she was ready to speak again. “I think I do want to grow it out, yeah. B-but not the undercut, I wanna keep that short.”

“Yeah?” you murmured, smiling down at her as you trailed a hand lower, down the back of her head until you reached her undercut, gently scratching your nails across the area. “Hm, it could probably use a trim. But we can make sure to keep the rest long.” 

She relaxed into you a bit more again, and your expression softened.

“I know it’s a little late now, but do you want to contact your hairdresser about getting in to trim your undercut?”

Satoru grimaced slightly at your words, and she shook her head slightly. “You mean my barber? No, I don’t. Now that I’m transitioning… I don’t think I want to keep seeing him. Feels wrong.” She shifted a little, resting her cheek against your thigh. You could tell there was more behind her explanation of “feeling wrong” continuing to see her barber, but you weren’t going to push her to say any of it out loud; you had a pretty good idea of what she meant, anyways.

“That’s fine,” you assured her. “I can help you find another stylist, we can get you in to see someone then.”

“Well, actually…” she trailed off for a moment again, hesitating. “I was thinking… maybe you could trim it this time?” She tilted her head back to meet your gaze, her own blue eyes unsure. 

Your eyes widened in surprise at her words, and you blinked dumbly for a moment.

Taking your silence as hesitance, Satoru rushed to speak again. “Just this time! Just until I can find a new stylist. It’s getting long, and I really want it trimmed as soon as possible, and I’m still nervous—”

She was absolutely rambling, trying to fix the situation, when you cut her off. “I’ll trim it, princess. I don’t mind. I was just surprised, is all.” Wanting to make sure she understood that you were serious, you resumed scratching lightly at her scalp, smiling sweetly down at her.

Satoru practically melted at the touch, dropping like a puppet with the strings cut as the tension quickly left her body. She let out another shaky sigh, though now she was smiling slightly to herself, turning her head a bit further into your touch. “Thank you,” she murmured, pressing a sheepish little kiss to your knee.

The sensation tickled a bit, and you giggled softly, pulling your knee away from the touch out of reflex. “Of course, ‘Toru. Do you want to trim it now, or do you want to wait until tomorrow?” You really weren’t sure which way she would decide: she’d said she wanted a trim as much as possible, but she’d already showered and washed her hair that night, and you were certain she’d want to rinse any stray hairs off her skin once you were finished. 

“Are you okay with doing it tonight?” Her eyes were on yours again, her expression much more relaxed than before, and she blinked curiously up at you.

Once again, you were a bit surprised by her words, not having expected her to answer you so quickly, but you nodded easily. “Yeah, I’m fine with that.”

Her face lit up at your words, and she was quick to scramble to her feet. “Great!” she practically cheered, taking your hands and tugging you up from the edge of the bed.

Following her was easy, especially when she was so excited, and you couldn’t help but laugh softly at her eagerness; a sound born out of pure affection. You allowed her to pull you into the bathroom, standing and waiting patiently as she released you to pull a case from the cabinet. For a moment you were confused, until she opened it to reveal an electric beard trimmer and the guards to go with it.

“That’s what that thing is?” you asked, laughing again. “Why do you own those? I didn’t think you’d ever even grown facial hair.”

“I haven’t,” she confirmed with a smile. “Shoko got these for me as a joke a couple years ago. Not sure why I kept them all this time, honestly, but it looks like they’re coming in handy now, yeah?”

“They certainly are,” you agreed.

After looking over the set of guards, Satoru eventually picked the 1/8th of an inch length, and helped you get the guard attached to the trimmer.

Holding the trimmer in your hand, you looked her up and down, a slight frown on your face. “You’re too tall,” you said after a moment. “You’re gonna have to sit down so I can do this without accidentally making you bald.”

That got a laugh out of her. “I think I would prefer to keep at least some of my hair for now,” she teased lightly, but sat down on the closed toilet lid. “Better?”

“Yes,” you confirmed, relieved that it did, in fact, change the height difference enough for you to have a good angle. “Can you pull the rest of your hair out of the way? I need to get a towel to wrap around your shoulders.”

Satoru nodded, digging around in one of the drawers for a hair tie as you turned to the linen closet and grabbed a towel. By the time you turned back to face her, Satoru had managed to tie the rest of her hair up in a small ponytail on the very top of her head, and the way it stuck up made you giggle as you wrapped the towel around her shoulders.

“What?” she demanded, feigning indignance. “I look beautiful right now, I’ll have you know.”

“Beautiful like a flower getting ready to bloom,” you teased, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before moving around to stand behind her again. Picking up the clippers from where you’d set them on the counter, your whole demeanor grew serious again. “I need you to really try to stay still, okay ‘Toru?”

“I’ll try my best,” she promised, shooting you a reassuring smile over her shoulder. “I trust you.”

You did your best to smile back at her, then gently turned her head so she was facing away from you once again. Swallowing thickly, you switched the clippers on, your grip tightening slightly as they began to buzz in your hand. 

Not for the first time, you were glad that working as a sorcerer for so many years had given you reasonably steady hands, but right now you were especially thankful, because it meant there was a much lower chance that you would make some sort of mistake while trimming your girlfriend’s hair. You took your time, running the clippers in slow, straight passes up her scalp, watching as the little tufts of lavender-white hair drifted down and landed on the towel you’d draped around the sorceress’s shoulders before you started. 

A short while later, you were finished, and you shut off the clippers and set them aside. When Satoru began to move to get up, you were quick to stop her. “Hang on,” you told her, “let me wipe the hair off your neck.”

She settled again obediently, and you wet a washcloth, wringing out the excess water before turning back to her, gently running the damp fabric over her skin, murmuring a little apology when she jumped at the first touch.

When you were finished with that, you stood back, admiring your work. “Alright,” you said, smiling slightly to yourself. “All done.” You tossed the damp cloth into the sink to deal with later, and before she could do it herself, you pulled the towel from Satoru’s shoulders, careful to keep any of the trimmings from falling onto her or the floor.

“What do you think?” you asked, the two of you shuffling around each other a bit as she stood and moved to look in the mirror, and you stepped to the shower and shook the hair off the towel.

Satoru twisted and turned a bit, trying to get a good look in the mirror, eventually giving up and just running her fingers over it to test the length. “Hmm, yeah, much better,” she hummed, smiling at you in the mirror. “Thanks, baby.”

“You’re welcome, princess,” you told her easily, hanging up the towel. “Now, come on. It’s getting late and I want my princess cuddles.”

With a smile so bright it was nearly blinding, Satoru took your hand and led you back to the bedroom; even if she wasn’t feeling as tired as you were, she was always more than willing to indulge you in cuddles, because really, she adored them, too.

The two of you crawled into bed together, shuffling under the blankets and giggling quietly at each other as you pulled the blankets up over your shoulders. As you settled down, you realized your girlfriend’s hair was still pulled up in that goofy little ponytail, and you gently pulled the hair tie free, sliding it over your wrist in the process.

Her hair fell down around her head then, and as you tenderly brushed the strands from her eyes and tucked them behind her ear, you realized it really had gotten some length on it; the ends of her hair now rested only an inch or so above the bottom of her undercut, and you couldn’t help but twirl some of the strands between your fingers.

“Gonna have my own personal Rapunzel soon…” you yawned, offering her a sleepy smile.

Even in the dark of the bedroom, you could tell the words had her blushing fiercely. “I sure hope not,” she mumbled. “I don’t wanna be locked in a tower by an evil witch.”

A small hum of amusement escaped you, and you nuzzled a little closer to her, pressing a sleep-clumsy kiss to the corner of her lips. “Don’t worry,” you promised quietly. “I’d be your knight in shining armor and rescue from the tower, even if I had to climb up to you ‘cause you didn’t wanna get your hair dirty.”

Her bashful laugh was the last thing you heard as you drifted off, a gentle smile still curving your lips, one hand still fiddling with her hair.

taglist: @mitsuristoleme @kentohours @peachdues @ghost-1-y @witchbybirth

@marinnnnnnnnn if you'd like to be added my general taglist, let me know! always happy to add people 💜 divider by @/cafekitsune

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 10 (END)

!FINALE!

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

“I wanna take you out,” Simon says, out of the blue. “You and Elizabeth, tonight. My treat.”

“Oh yeah?” Johnny quirks a brow and smiles at Simon, “What’s the occasion?”

Simon is silent for a short moment but Johnny, ever the expert on the body language of Ghost, sits bolt upright and stares at him intently, “Simon, what’s the occasion?”

“I- I’ve handed in my notice. Yesterday, to Price before they left. Effective immediately.” Simon mumbles. He watches Johnny’s face to gauge a reaction, “I’m not going back.”

“You’re- not? You’re being serious?” Johnny asks.

“Deadlier than a .50 Cal.” He jokes.

Johnny’s face erupts into pure elation. Whether he means to or not, he throws himself at Simon. He wraps his arms around his neck and holds him tightly as he laughs at himself, “You really mean it?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Johnny,” Simon sighs. He rests his nose in the nape of Johnny’s neck and breathes in gently. Johnny’s scent has always calmed him and he closes his eyes gently, “I’ve handed my notice in so I can be here for you and Elizabeth. If- if that’s still what you want, that is.”

“Of course it is,” Johnny mumbles. He lessens his grip a little but stays in Simon’s arms, “It’s all I’ve thought about for a long time now.”

Simon smiles and opens his eyes, looking over Johnny’s shoulder and seeing the door to Elizabeth’s room where she is playing.

“So, can I take you both out? I want to ask Elizabeth if she wants me to stay for good, no more army and whatnot. Then, if she says yes, I’ll start looking for a place of my own so I’m not in your hair all the time.” Simon explains.

“Yes you can take us out but you don’t need to find a new place. You’re fine here, Si, you should stay with us.”

“What, in your bed? I can’t stay here forever, I’ll just be holding you back from things again.”

Johnny shakes his head, “No you won’t, I want you to stay. I like having you back around

Simon and I- well, it’s nice to not have an empty bed anymore.”

Simon isn’t convinced. Johnny has always been too nice for his own good. Hell, the fact he even let him in the house when he appeared on his doorstep is testament to that, but Simon lets it drop for now.

He takes time to book a reservation, at a Mexican restaurant that Johnny says is Elizabeth’s favourite place. He thinks about Alejandro and Rudy, already retired and beginning the process of adoption right now. He wonders what they would think of him, of what happened with Johnny and about Elizabeth. He imagines Alejandro would be head over heels for her, picking her up and throwing her in the air. Rudy would be more careful and wouldn’t treat her like a kid. He would talk to her and braid her hair and Simon feels a smile grace his features as he thinks of his little family being with his dysfunctional work family.

Five PM rolls around. They voted for an earlier dinner so Elizabeth could be in bed at a reasonable time. Her school life starts next week and Johnny is trying to fit her into a routine now so the first day isn’t as daunting for her.

Simon is dressed casually but nicely. He has straight black jeans on and a button up grey shirt that tucks into the waistband of his pants well. He wears his leather jacket over the top. He can’t find Johnny or Elizabeth about though so he tiptoes to her room and peaks in at the door.

Johnny is dressed too, nice pants on and a black shirt with mesh shoulders and sleeves. His hair is styled messily and Simon goes weak at the knees and feels his face blush bright red as he looks at him in the reflection of the mirror he’s sat before. Elizabeth has on a shirt and skirt combo, tights with butterfly patterns etched into them and a black skirt swishes around her legs. She just has a white shirt on, pleasantly clean for a four year old, and Johnny is expertly tying butterfly adorned bobbles into the two plaits on the side of her head.

Johnny catches Simon’s eye in the mirror and smiles as he leans forwards and kisses the back of Elizabeth’s hair, “All done baby.”

Elizabeth jumps up promptly and startles when she sees Simon in the doorway before smiling. She thanks Johnny for doing her hair and says, “Daddy! Look how pretty Papa’s shirt is!”

It’s Johnny’s turn to blush as he tugs on the loose shirt, “It’s not- I dunno- too much is it?”

Simon shakes his head and picks Elizabeth up after she raises her arms at him. He is a natural already, he knows all her tells and what she wants all the time, “I think you look amazing, Johnny.”

“Thanks, Si,” Johnny shows a nervous smile, “You look great too.”

“Wa’ about me? Am I pretty?” Elizabeth asks and Johnny chuckles.

He walks over to them and he smiles at Lizzie, gently running a thumb over her soft cheek, “You look beautiful, darling.”

Once everyone is happy and ready, they drive to the restaurant and Elizabeth bounces giddily as Johnny and Simon hold her hands and lift her up the stairs. She swings from their arms and babbles on about tacos and chilli and Simon doesn’t think he’s ever heard her talk quite so much.

They are seated quickly and Simon tells Johnny to have something to drink if he likes and Simon will drive them home. He gets a beer, after a little persuasion whilst Simon and Elizabeth both drink J2O.

Their meals don’t last long, Elizabeth devours her tacos and a plate of chips as Simon watches in shock. He got chilli nachos, the same chilli in the tacos, and he thinks it is super spicy but Elizabeth doesn’t seem fazed. Johnny, as always, gets chicken enchiladas. They talk a little over their food but not about anything important.

It’s domestic, Simon notes. So normal and natural, everyone else in the busy restaurant doing the exact same thing, but Simon’s heart is beating out of his chest with pure elation at feeling so ordinary.

When they place their dessert orders, Simon and Johnny share a look and Simon turns to Elizabeth before clearing his throat. Johnny sips from his light beer and watches.

“Elizabeth, sweetie, can I talk to you?” Simon asks.

She nods but looks a little sheepish. She sips her drink through a straw and then says, “Am I in trouble?”

Simon shakes his head, “No Lizzie, don’t worry, I just want to ask you a question?”

“Okay, Daddy.” She smiles and pays full attention to him.

“I- I wanted to ask if you would like me to stay. If you would be okay with me moving in with you and Papa. I asked Grandpa Price if I could leave my job with him and he said I could so I can stay here with you and Papa. Would you like that?” He asks.

She is less enthusiastic than Johnny but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t excited. She nods quickly and rocks in her place in the booth a little, “So, you’ll stay forever?” She asks.

“If you would like me to, yes.” Simon says and she nods enthusiastically. She shuffles along the seat and cuddles her Dad.

“Yes please, Daddy,” She mumbles, “I won’t have to miss you then!”

Simon pouts and wraps his arms around her, “You’ll never have to miss me again, darling, I promise. I’m sorry I wasn’t here from the start for you.”

“‘s okay, Daddy, I have you AND Papa now. That’s pretty cool.”

Simon laughs and Johnny watches them both with a fond smile. Looking at Simon and Elizabeth together like that warms his heart and he is so happy for Simon. He’s known him for such a long time and seen everything he’s been through and for him to be as happy as he is in this moment makes Johnny feel so ecstatic.

When they’re back home and Elizabeth is tucked into bed, Johnny pours a glass of bourbon for himself and Simon and sits in the living room with him. Simon thanks him for the glass and takes a sip.

“I’m proud of you Simon,” Johnny mumbles, “You’ve adjusted to all of this so well and we’re so happy to have you.”

“Thankyou Johnny. I’m not gonna lie and say it isn’t a lot, because it is, but I wouldn’t want things to be any different.” Simon smiles.

Johnny places his glass on the coffee table and shuffles a little closer to Simon and places a hand on his forearm, “You don’t want to make any changes?”

Simon looks into Johnny’s eyes and feels like he’s transported back to the barracks. Johnny lay in bed, shirtless most likely, and with much shorter hair. His eyes would shine in the dark, guiding Simon like a beacon and he never once lost his way with Johnny by his side. He lets out a little chuckle into his glass before placing it down too.

“You’re right,” Simon smirks, “There is one thing..”

Johnny smirks back, “Is that so? Well tell me, Simon, what could possibly make your stay any better?”

Simon leans in, nose touching Johnny’s and a warmth overcomes him and trickles up his face. His lips are tingling and he bites his lip gently, “You.”

He presses his lips to Johnny’s just as soon as he stops speaking and he smirks at the surprised noise that emits from him. He licks into his mouth, tasting Johnny for the first time in so long and it’s like a breath of fresh-fucking air.

“Fuckin’ missed you.” Johnny breathes out lightly as he slides his hands up and rests them on the nape of Simon’s neck, gently running his fingers through the hair there.

“I missed you too, I missed this,” Simon mutters, pressing his lips back against Johnny’s and pulling back a little as he sinks his teeth into Johnny’s lower lip, pulling him with him, “I missed us.”

“Please come to bed with me,” Johnny mumbles, “Not to do anything, I just- I need to be with you, need to hold you.”

Simon nods but doesn’t move, encapsulating Johnny’s lips once more and sinking into it further, pressing him into the back of the couch as he hand cups Johnny’s face, thumb rubbing circles into his light stubble. He smiles to himself and mumbles, “I can’t believe that I have you back after all this time.”

“Let’s not do that again,” Johnny whines, “I don’t want to wait any longer.”

“Never again?” Simon asks, wrapping his pinky around Johnny’s and kissing their interlocked hands.

Johnny smiles and kisses them too, “Never.

ONE WEEK LATER

“Where’s Daddy?” Elizabeth whines, tugging on Johnny’s hand as he walks her across the road to school.

“I don’t know darling, he’ll be here soon though, okay?” Johnny explains and she nods.

“I want him here, I don’t want to go in without saying goodbye.”

Johnny rubs his thumb soothingly on the back of her hand and grumbles under his breath that Simon better not be late. They stand together in the school grounds, waiting for the teacher’s to let the kids in, and Elizabeth is scanning around the playground to find people her age to befriend. She sidles up closer to Johnny and tugs on his arm.

“That’s lots of people.” She mumbles.

“Don’t worry baby,” A voice behind her replies, “You’ll be everyone’s favourite soon enough.”

They both turn around and see Simon standing behind her. He has a bundle of paperwork under his arms but in the other hand he passes her a single daisy, long and bright, and he leans down to her height.

“Daddy!” She shrieks in delight. She throws her arms around his neck and he rests a hand on her back. “You made it!”

“Of course I did, I promised I’d be here, didn’t I?” He says and she nods.

“Had us worried for a minute there, Si.” Johnny says lightly, holding his hand out for him and helping him off the floor.

“I’m nothing if not a man of my word.” Simon smiles and wraps his arm around Johnny’s back as Elizabeth stands between them both, “I got the job, by the way.”

“You did? I thought you were only going for an interview?”

“They liked me, for some reason. They hired me there and then and I signed the contract,” Simon grins, “I am now a Veteran’s physiotherapist.”

Johnny had been shocked to learn that Simon had gone above and beyond in his medics training since Johnny left and has actually gotten medical qualifications in the time they’ve been apart. He is still training and perfecting what he does but he has snagged himself a job that he actually is excited about so fast and Johnny is so proud.

“Oh Simon, that’s amazing,” Johnny grins, “I’m so proud of you.”

Simon smiles and looks across the grounds where the teachers are calling the kids in. Johnny and Simon walk Elizabeth over to her teacher and both crouch down to hug her.

“Have an amazing first day, baby girl,” Johnny kisses her forehead, “Be good, learn lots. I love you and I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Papa. I love you.” She replies.

“Have a good day, sweetheart,” Simon mumbles, kissing her cheek, “We’ll both come and pick you back up later, okay?”

“Okay, I love you Daddy.” She says.

Simon freezes a little, looking into the little girl’s sincere eyes, and his own well up before he says, “I love you too, darling.”

She goes inside, her bag trailing behind her in her hands and Johnny wraps his arms around Simon and holds him as they walk back to the car, “She said she loves you!”

“So I didn’t just imagine that?” Simon mumbles.

Johnny chuckles and shakes his head, “I love you too, y’know?”

Simon smiles and kisses the tip of Johnny’s nose, aware they’re in public, “I love you too.”

And he does. Simon loves his family.

[angelforstyles]

Lonely (together) Chapter Nine

Harry’s POV

I woke up and went to make us breakfast. I bought some gifts for her yesterday.

I need to wrap her and my family's gifts that I ordered online.

I opened my phone and gathered some more gifts for her and ordered them. Breakfast was over and I went to wake her up.

"My angel wake up." I kissed her until she got up and hid in my neck. "So clingy." I laughed as I kissed her. "I'm not clingy." She mumbled. "God my head feels weird." She said as she opened her eyes and looked around. "That the feeling of hangover it's much worse if you drink strong things”

She groaned and went to wash her face and I sat waiting for her on the bed. When she came out she went to change her clothes and came to kiss me "I need to go shopping" she said on my lips.

"Breakfast first then think about the day" We went down and had breakfast then sat on the couch. "I'll go to work at 10 but I'll leave early" My work hours became shorter because I wanted to spend time with her, I was getting a lot done during those hours so no harm.

"When do you want to go shopping?"

“Today” she mumbled. “What do you need?” I said in a casual tone.

She looked at me hesitantly and then said, “I don’t have any heavy clothes, they’re all worn out.” She looked away and my chest ached.

“Shall we go out together this afternoon?” She looked at me hesitantly.

“If you come, you won’t buy me anything”

Of course I will buy her everything.

“What? Why?” She took a deep breath. “Harry, these are my clothes, I have to buy my own things” she said as if she was annoyed. “What if I wanna buy you something?” I looked at her.

“You’re unbearable.” She buried her head in my neck. I laughed to lighten the mood. “I’ll go get ready for work, sweetheart.” I kissed her and left.

Lillian’s POV:

It was 2pm and I went out with Cal. I was supposed to go out with Harry after work, but I wanted to buy a few things without him around. I went to an underwear store, I didn't wear anything nice or special for him until now.

So I took a few items. Then I went to buy him a hoodie and a bag, I thought I should get him a Christmas present.

I told Cal to drop me off at Harry's office. It was 3:30. I went in with the bags in my hand and quickly walked to the elevator and then to the office.

Harry's assistant greeted me and didn't mention that Harry was busy, I opened the office door without me knocking.

There were five men sitting with Harry. I felt the heat all over my body. Harry got up "My Angel what are you doing here?" He said softly as he walked towards me.

I smiled at him and he said to the men "We're done here, see you later" They all quickly left and Harry closed the door.

"Sorry your assistant didn't say you were busy"

“Yes because I told her you were allowed to get in whenever you came” He kissed me and looked at my hands.

“I thought we were going out together” His voice was emotionless and his face looked a little angry.

“I know baby I bought some personal stuff and I’m going with you too when you finish work” I tried to be convincing so I smiled softly but the scowl on his face didn’t go away.

“You should have told me you didn’t want me to come with you” His voice rose a little.

I moved away from him and sat down “Of course I want to go out with you, I just wanted to buy some stuff why are you making a big deal out of it?” He stood up and looked at me angrily then went to his desk and sat down without speaking.

I sat down for a while then said “Harry” in a low voice. He didn’t answer me.

I went to him and put his head on my chest and whispered “Talk to me don’t ignore me please” He didn’t move from his position. “Really Harry?” I moved away and looked at his face. But he didn’t look at me.

I took the bags and left, I sent to Cal to come back and pick me. I went home and threw the bags in my office.

I showered, changed into my pajamas and lay down to read by the garden door in the living room. Grey was asleep on top of me when Harry came in.

I didn't look at him but I felt his footsteps around me. Then he went upstairs.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. Half an hour later I heard him come down and then open the door and close it. I turned and he wasn't there.

"Really? Like I'm not here" I said under my breath as I opened the door of the house but his car was already gone.

I closed the door and locked it along with all the doors in the house.

My time with him should have been after six unless he had a business dinner. Today he didn't.

Two hours passed and he didn't return. I was starting to worry but I was even more angry.

Harry stuck the key in the door several times but he couldn't open it so he knocked but I didn't move.

I smiled as I boiled inside. A few seconds later he was standing in front of the garden glass door, looking at me and knocking on the glass but I didn't look at him.

He went back to the front door and knocked quietly.

I took a deep breath and got up and opened the door.

“Oh I thought you were going to sleep outside” I mumbled as I walked up stairs without looking at him.

I stayed under the blankets to avoid him but an hour passed and he didn’t come to check on me.

I went to my office, got the new lingerie boxes and went to the bathroom.

I was so angry because I went and bought the most expensive items today for him and he treated me like this.

He doesn't know it's for him and that made me even more angry. I put on the first one and it was dark red.

I went out and closed the door of the room and put on a new red robe that I also bought today, silky and soft and very short.

I put on a little makeup and perfume.

I walked to the living room while he was sitting watching TV.

Grey jumped off of him and came to my feet as I entered the kitchen.

I carried her and kissed her "Hello mommy’s baby" I opened the fridge and took out a bunch of grapes and put it in a plate and took a glass of water.

As I was leaving the kitchen, Harry was looking at me.

I rolled my eyes and went back to the bedroom.

When I closed the door of the room, my heart was beating very fast. I didn't want to eat now, but I ate a little while reading.

A few minutes later Harry came in and closed the door, I was on the couch by the balcony with my legs crossed. I didn't look at him as he went into the bathroom and closed the door, the boxes were still there, I actually left them on purpose to make him regret ignoring me earlier.

He went out and he stood in front of me. I didn't look at him so he knelt in front of me and looked at me "I am sorry" he whispered I didn't reply so he kissed my knees and held my legs and looked at me "I'm sorry my love I shouldn't have acted the way I did"

I closed the book and looked at him "Where did you go?" He smiled and said "I bought some gifts for my family for Christmas."

Yes, he is going to leave me alone.

I looked at him and felt the tears gathering and threatening to fall.

"When are you leaving?" I said, looking down playing with the robe.

“I want you to come with me, I won’t go alone.” I felt my stomach sink from tension and anxiety.

I laughed bitterly “What? did you ask me if I wanted to go?”

He grabbed my hands and looked at me sadly and nervously.

“I want to take you to my family to meet them and get to know them, I want my mom to see you and tease you about how beautiful your hair is, please come with me.”

He kissed my hands but I got up and walked around the room.

“You’re asking me to get on the plane MYSELF and GO BACK to London?” I said in disbelief. “No, my family isn’t in London specifically, outside it in a small village.”

I have no luggage or clothes. I have never traveled in my life except once and it was a disaster.

“You’re crazy” I said, he still on his knees looking at me.

“I’m crazy because I want you to meet my family?” He said with a sting of pain.

“You’re crazy because you want to take me to the only place I’ve ever escaped from. That’s first.

Secondly, I don’t have a single winter item, a single normal one. Thank to you, we didn’t go today.

Thirdly, I’ve only traveled once! I don’t have any suitcases! What should I take? You’re crazy yes and I’m crazy too because I keep telling you my reasons instead. OF. SAYING. NO!”

I screamed at the last sentence and I didn’t notice my tears falling.

My hands started shaking and I struggled to breathe.

“Huff” I sat on the edge of the bed and hugged my legs.

Seconds later I felt his arms around me. “Go away, I don’t have any energy for you right now” I said.

He didn't speak, we sat like that for ten minutes until I calmed down and walked away from him and stood up.

I didn't know what to do.

Another fit of anger came when I looked at myself and remember what Harry had done.

I turned to him and said "You like this?" I opened the robe and showed him and his eyes widened.

"Good because you won't get it" I muttered and closed the bathroom door and changed into my pajamas and washed my face and went out.

He didn't move from his place but I turned off the light anyway and hid under the sheets. I cried again because everything was killing me. I don't know what's wrong with me, every girlfriend wants to meet her boyfriend’s family, isn't that what I've read about and seen around me? I was so scared. What if his family was so nice? He wouldn't understand my suffering, I didn't wish his family to be anything but nice.

I got out the sheets and he was still sitting at his place.

I hugged him and cried hard, he was so kind to me he didn't deserve a broken girl.

"Sorry Harry" I cried hard into his chest as he shook me gently.

We sat for a few moments then I turned my face away and said "I want to be as kind to you as you are to me, but... but I don't know what's right, what should I do. Maybe your family is nice, but how do you understand me? Are you pretending to or do you really understand me?"

I cried again and felt my chest hurt "I don't wish even a little that you actually suffered before… I feel like a burden when you pay me Harry I've bought myself everything since I was little. People used to donate to me. I definitely won't feel happy when you pay for my personal items."

"My Angel, I'm sorry I didn't see it from your point of view, I thought it was something simple and didn't try to talk to you about it. I'm so sorry and I'll try to find a compromise, okay?"

I thought for a while. "Okay," I whispered.

"As for my family, and I don't understand you. I would never compare my experience to yours, but when my parents divorced, I felt like my life was over. So I know that your feelings are so much bigger than what I experienced and that beautiful mind of yours"

he kissed my head "makes a lot of wrong ideas, and I'm ready to change one idea after another. When we go to my family. There will be no one who knows you or makes premature judgments about you, except my big uncle who will annoy you a lot because you are beautiful and should become a beauty queen."

I laughed and hugged him tightly.

"I don't have any clothes or travel bags and i need to find a job" He lifted my head and looked at him.

"How about I give you my card and you buy with it? You literally pay doesn’t matter whos card is" I laughed and felt that I should accept and ease my stubbornness about money.

“On condition that you… make love to me?” Harry laughed.

“Is that really your condition? I thought you wanted me to fly to the sky and bring back the moon.”

“I’m not that cruel.”

Harry kissed me "I love you can get mad at me and scream and say whatever comes to your mind just tell me without thinking too much" he whispered on my lips. I grabbed his face and put my forehead on his, "I don't know how I deserved you but I am grateful" my tears were burning my face.

He hugged me tightly then said "Come on show me what you wore for me before" I felt my stomach flutter and ran to the bathroom I quickly put it on and ran to him smiling.

"Fuck me" he said taking off his shirt. I sat between his legs and he buried his face between my breasts.

He breathed in then kissed my lips tightly until I tasted blood. He pulled away and started kissing my neck. I closed my eyes and my breathing started to hitch. Harry pulled away so i can lay down.

"No no take off your pants Harry" I was about to cry when he pushed me with his pants on. “I want you to sit on my face princess” he said as he nibbled on my neck lightly and I felt a wave of wetness escaping me.

“Harry what if you can’t breathe?” I was craving any touch now.

“If I die between your thighs it will be the most honorable death” he said and pulled me onto his stomach.

I moved until I was on his face and I didn’t sit down yet. I wasn’t wearing panties so it was easier. I brushed his hair back as he smiled at me and held my thighs.

My pussy was now over his mouth. I lowered my weight a little then Harry pulled me forcefully to sit on his face.

I felt the roughness of his beard and mustache that had started to grow.

I let out a groan of relief, Harry started to lick my arousal then he said against me “Fuck my face” he put his tongue in my hole in and out quickly. I started to jump a little on his tongue then I rubbed myself on his mouth.

My noises became very loud. I started moving quickly until my clitoris was rubbing his nose and then his tongue. He grabbed my thighs and spank both of them at the same time. "Yeahh” I breathe.

He started moaning against me, the vibrations increasing my pleasure.

I felt my orgasm coming and Harry started to move me against him harder. I grabbed his hair with both hands and pulled it tight, the orgasm washing over me.

I felt myself pulling away from Harry's face but he started to fuck me with his tongue and hold me against his face.

I quickly pulled away then kissed him hard. His face was wet from my arousal and his saliva. The sounds of our mouths were lewd and wet.

I pull myself down at Harry's lap but he pushed me down and took his pants and boxers off all at once.

I pushed him against the bed. "I want to ride you daddy"

I don't know how I said it but I felt comfortable with it.

He smiled. "You want to fuck daddy? Use his mouth and cock to please yourself?" He said as I kissed my neck and put myself on his stomach "yeah daddy" I said with my hands between us to put his cock inside me, I started going down on it and I closed my eyes and screamed from the new angle and feeling full as his cock go deeper.

I sat and his cock was completely inside me. After a few moments I opened my eyes and he was looking at me with love as if I was the only woman in the world.

I felt my heart clench when I kissed him "If you look at me like that, I will make it my job to please you on my knees forever daddy" I said with my forehead on his and my eyes closed.

He pushed his cock up and said "If you don't fuck yourself on my cock you will be punished" He slapped my ass hard.

"Aaghhh" I fixed myself, my hands on his chest while he was lying down. I lifted myself up a little then fell down hard.

"My good girl" he mumbled. I lowered my head on his shoulder and lifted my ass up and lowered it several times until I found my speed.

When I recovered from his size I fixed myself and started jumping on him.

He touched my body and looked at me, he slapped my breasts and I closed my eyes and cried in pleasure, I heard and felt my clothes being torn, I looked down and stopped moving "Harry! It cost me a lot of mone—" He slapped my ass with both hands "If you stop again you won't cum for a week" I groaned as he threw the torn piece on the floor and ran his hands over my body as I ride him.

"If you saw what I'm seeing now, you'd be paranoid, so perfect" he said as he pulled my chin and kissed me hard.

I started rubbing myself on him and pulling his hair until he finished kissing me and squeezed my ass and slapped it then he started moving up as I jumped on him.

I started screaming and pulling his hair hard and the sounds of our bodies slapping against each other were loud.

Harry flipped us over and started fucking me while he pinched my nipples. He pull out then flipped me onto my stomach and lifted my ass up "Keep that pretty ass up" He spread my ass cheeks open and I felt his breath against me, he pushed his cock inside me with one thrust.

“Daddy I love it I love it” I said as he pushed his cock inside me and rubbed a very sensitive spot.

I felt something intruding on my ass hole and the feeling was so good it made my mind go blank.

I felt him making circles with his finger. “Daddy so good” I said panting and he was stroking and jiggling my ass slowly as he working one hand on my ass hole.

Without warning I felt his thumb enter my ass hole in one go.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Daddy yes yes yes” He started fucking me hard and the bed hit the wall and the sounds of my arousal with the slapping of our bodies were very loud.

My arousal was dripping onto the bed. “You’re making me speechless” He slapped my ass with his free hand.

“Your body is a miracle” He pulled my hair and I lifted my head.

“Daddy please” He started pulling his thumb out a little and putting it in.

From the second thrust of his thumb and the pain of my scalp with his cock attacking my pussy I cum without warning him. I felt his thumb come out to grab my hips and push me against him. I felt myself go crazy, the other orgasm hit me without warning and I felt the heat spread over my thighs and legs.

I couldn't think until I felt the hot cum inside me.

Harry slapped me while he groaned then flipped me over and opened my legs.

I felt impossibly tired. He started to stroke my pussy then fucked me with his fingers and sucked my clit and moved his tongue over it quickly until I opened my eyes and saw myself squirting all over his face and fingers.

I felt my eyes close by itself as I was still riding my orgasm.

After a while I don't know how long I opened my eyes and Harry was combing my hair with his fingers and kissing all over my face.

"Daddy" I smiled "I'm Harry my love, how are you feeling?"

"Sleep"

"You're gorgeous when you squirt, I've never seen anything this beautiful in my life, not to mention you squirted twice, I would die for you my angel"

Squirt? Oh my god

Harry hugged me and put me on top of him. I felt when he put me in the tub and sat with me, then we went to bed. Everything was blurry because I couldn't open my eyes.

Tell me what you think :3

[we-call-it-technophobia]

“So terribly sorry. We have been working on replies for some time now, but as of right now we cannot respond to any of the existing asks in the inbox with proper images and such. My beloved Oz, you see, has fallen ill. I can answer questions as myself, but not in the usual image format, if that is alright… we have not forgotten what is already in the inbox, I promise.”

[shemarmooresfedora]

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Masterlist

Chapter 9

“Dinner at my house at 7. Be there,” Rossi announced to everyone in the bullpen.

Everyone nodded, accepting the invitation.

“Sorry, I can’t. I have Jo tonight,” Spencer declined.

“Bring her with you. The more, the merrier! Her mom is welcome too, I would use her name but I’m still in the dark about that one,” Rossi said.

“Well, I, for one, would love to meet the lady that Pretty Boy is throwing punches for,” Morgan smirked.

“Henry will be there, Spence,” JJ informed Spencer, trying to convince him to bring Jo.

“Alright, Jo and I will be there. I will ask Y/N and yes, that’s her name if she decides to come,” Spencer gave in.

-

“I don’t know, Spencer...can’t just you and Jo go?” you asked.

“Yes, we could. I don’t want to pressure you but I think it would be fun if you went too. Plus, Rossi’s pasta is phenomenal,” Spencer stated.

“I don’t want to intrude...and I’m horrible at small talk,” you added.

“Rossi specifically invited you so you’re not intruding. Will and JJ will be there, who you already know, and I promise I won’t leave your side until you’re comfortable,” he assured you.

“Fine, I need to take a shower and get ready then. How formal is this thing?” you asked.

“Most people either stay in their clothes from work or go home and change into casual clothes,” Spencer shrugged.

You nodded and headed up the stairs.

A half hour later, you came down in a cream colored midi sundress with a floral pattern and a slit down the side.

Spencer’s breath hitched in his throat.

“How’s this?” you asked, giving him a little spin.

“Y-Yes that’s f-fine,” Spencer choked out.

“You don’t like it?” you frowned, “They’re gonna hate it...and me.”

You started walking back up the stairs to change when you felt someone grab your wrist gently.

“I was having trouble speaking because you look absolutely radiant,” Spencer spoke softly.

“Not too bad yourself, Doctor,” you smiled.

Spencer had lost his sweater vest and tie from the work day, leaving him in just his pale blue dress shirt with a few of the top buttons undone.

“Jo, come on! I’ve got to do your hair before we go,” you called out, pulling out one of the kitchen table chairs.

Jo came running down the stairs in a light pink sweater and overalls.

“What do you want?” you asked, using a spray bottle to wet her hair slightly and then brushing it out.

“Two braids please, Mommy.”

You parted her hair and began working on the first braid, feeling Spencer’s eyes watching curiously from beside you.

Once you finished the first one, you turned to looked at him.

“Do you want to do the other side?” you asked.

“I was observing your movements but I’m not sure if I can replicate them with the same speed and accuracy,” Spencer stated as you pushed him forward.

“I’ll be your instructor then. You’re going to need to learn how to do this. Jo doesn’t like to have her hair in her face so she likes to have it styled back somehow,” you said.

Spencer brushed the hair on Jo’s left side once more and then sectioned out three even pieces from the front.

“So basically you just keep crossing the side strands over into the middle and adding more hair to the side strands each time,” you explained as Spencer slowly started to braid Jo’s hair.

By the time he got to the end, it was a little bumpy and a small chunk of hair had been left out of the braid and was hanging astray.

“Okay okay, not bad for a first attempt,” you encouraged him.

“I think I’ve got it this time,” Spencer released the braid from its elastic and combed Jo’s hair out again.

Spencer’s confidence definitely increased this time through, he was going much faster, almost as fast as you. His tongue was poking out the side of his mouth in concentration. You had to admit that he looked absolutely adorable.

“Much better,” you smiled as he tied off the braid with the elastic.

“If you can do a braid, pigtails and ponytails will be a piece of cake,” you informed him.

“I think my fingers are cramping,” he chuckled, admiring his handiwork.

-

“Spencer, what if they hate me?” you nervously asked as you walked up Rossi’s driveway.

“They are not going to hate you,” Spencer assured you as he carried Jo on his hip, “See, JJ and Will’s car is already here so there’s two people who already know and like you.”

Spencer rang the doorbell. You heard laughing and lots of conversation inside. You were nervously playing with your hands until Spencer reached over and grabbed one, squeezing it a little before letting go again. The simple gesture soothed you tremendously.

The front opened, revealing an older man with black hair and a goatee.

“You must be Y/N,” he smiled.

“Yes, that’s me,” you shakily returned the smile.

“I’m Dave or Rossi whichever you prefer. Come inside! Dinner will be ready shortly!” he waved to Jo in Spencer’s arms.

You entered the kitchen to see a bunch of grinning faces, staring at you.

“Guys, this is Y/N and you all remember Jo,” he introduced you to the group.

You gave a small wave, “Hi! It’s nice to meet you all.”

A blonde woman was the first to get up off her seat at the kitchen counter and wrap you in a warm hug. You squeaked a little at first, not expecting it.

“Hi, I’m Penelope! Sorry, I’m an avid hugger,” she chirped.

“No worries,” you smiled back.

Another woman with long dark hair approached you next, “I’m Emily! I love your dress!”

“Thank you! I actually got it at a thrift store downtown,” you replied.

Next in line was a man still in his suit, smiling only slightly but you could tell he was trying his hardest.

“I’m Aaron but everyone calls me Hotch,” Hotch said as he shook your hand.

And finally, “Derek Morgan, at your service,” Derek grinned as kissed your hand.

Spencer narrowed his eyes at Derek.

“Ignore him,” he said to you.

“Jo, I’m loving the braids,” JJ said as Spencer set her down on the floor.

“Daddy did the left one,” she beamed.

“Did he now?” JJ looked up at you and Spencer incredulously.

“Yes, he did,” you confirmed.

“He is going to have to start braiding my hair,” Penelope chimed in.

Henry and Jack came running into the kitchen.

“Jo!” Henry exclaimed, “Me and Jack are playing tag. Wanna play?”

Jo nodded enthusiastically and Henry touched her quickly and began running away.

“You’re it!” he called out.

“Oh, that was a cheap shot, Henry,” Will chuckled as the kids all left the kitchen once again.

“Jack is Hotch’s kid,” Spencer explained to you.

“Y/N, do you want some wine?” Emily offered.

You looked up at Spencer and he nodded, mouthing “I’ll drive home”.

“Sure! Thank you,” you accepted the glass.

You were talking to JJ, Will, and Hotch when you heard a familiar crying coming from outside. You set your wine glass down and ran to the backyard.

Jo was on the ground, clutching her knee, and the boys were hunched over her.

“Oh no, Baby J, what happened?” you asked, kneeling down.

“I fell while running and my knee got a boo-boo,” she cried.

You picked her up in your arms, rubbing light circles on her back, as Spencer came running outside carrying a mini first aid kit.

He gently rolled up Jo’s pant leg to above her knee as she clung to your neck.

“Alright, Jo, I have to put on some ointment and a band-aid so the boo-boo doesn’t get infected,” he spoke softly, applying ointment to the little scratch.

After he smoothed the band-aid over it, he kissed her knee three times.

“All better?” he asked.

“Thank you, Daddy,” she sniffled, letting go of you.

“You’re welcome, Princess. How about we have some dinner now?” he asked, using his sleeve to wipe her tears and snot.

Jo nodded and you all got up from the ground, heading back inside.

The rest of the team scrambled away from the window to pretend they weren’t just watching a truly heartwarming co-parenting moment.

[samanthaswishes]

Agents of SHIELD Rewatch Season 2B (ep. 11-22)

It's been months, but the rewatches are back!

Here's my commentary on my rewatch of Agents of SHIELD Season 2 Episodes 11-22. This may not be the best commentary since these are just the thoughts and opinions that come to my mind as I watch the episodes rather than a full-blown analysis, but I'm just having fun with it!

2x11 Aftershocks

This is also the first set of rewatches on Disney+, and you can't skip the recaps, so I get to watch Trip crumble to pieces TWICE in one episode. Making me cry this weekend, why don't you.

Baby Gordon! Also, this flashback scene takes place in 1983, which means it's probably not that long before Kora dies. It's crazy to look back on this scene after s7, knowing that Kora currently exists in that flashback.

Also, JIAYING!! She's still one of my favorite characters.

I want Jiaying to hug me and comfort me and tell me everything is going to be alright.

"They would be lost" as it cuts to Skye😭

AND THERE'S the second Trip crumbling of the day.

Skye... why are you wearing shoes in bed?

Just gonna say this now, Chloe's performance in this episode is *chef's kiss*

I remember watching this episode for the first time and just being absolutely devastated we didn't have Trip anymore. I'm still devastated.

Dr. List and Von Strucker mention.

So, why was Raina going on a killing spree in the temple?

I JUST WANNA HUG SKYE🥺

Also, I miss big sister Bobbi with the quarantine survival kit.

"I think you're a rockstar"🥺

"Come home, Jemma" I love this family.

Skye's heart monitor is literally going off the rails, signifying that her heart rate is dangerously high, yet no one heard or noticed?

"Smile!"😃

The plan for Bakshi to "escape" is both ridiculous and hilarious.

"ThEy'Ll NeVeR tAkE uS aLiVe!"

Okay, but what would have May's version of the plan been like?

Also Bobbi just casually wheeling her motorcycle out.

Okay, I understand where Jemma is coming from and her fears surrounding it, but I feel like she shouldn't have blown up in front of Skye, who was affected by all of this. Again, I totally understand Jemma's reaction, I just feel like talking about this as an epidemic and something dangerous isn't something to be said in front of someone who is affected.

Ooh, Raina, don't call his daughter a bitch.

Cal's little happy dance😂

It's sad hearing Cal talk about his plan, knowing what we know about Jiaying later.

"I can't live like this" "Then don't" Damn, this got dark quick, and it's just gonna get darker.

Props to Ruth Negga for putting on amazing performances while having to deal with all those thorns.

Hunter is a better spy than the show gave him credit for. Sure, he's made pretty shitty choices, but he's pretty good at the job. He was suspicious of Bobbi and Mack the whole time.

Also, the only part that makes this season hard to watch is the whole 'Real Shield' thing and the way Bobbi and Mack are around the team, which sucks cause I love Mack and Bobbi. They're literally my favorite characters after Daisy and May.

Oh Mack, you do so much more than just 'working on Lola one day'.

Again, talking about putting Raina down in front of Skye? I understand Jemma, but there are just some things you shouldn't talk about in front of someone who was just traumatized due to the same experience as said person you want to put down.

Did anyone else notice that the music Skye is listening to on headphones is the same score used during the Ghost Rider pod in season 4?

300bpm, that's 5 beats per second. For reference, my resting heart rate at this current moment is 90bpm, which is 1.5 beats per second. Skye's heart rate at the time of the collapse was roughly 3.33 times faster than my current heart rate.

"That's inhuman" we love to see it.

Again, can we not tell Skye that something's wrong with her?

I made a post about this a while ago, but besides the fact that her powers may have just been exposed, Skye might have been nervous about the broken glass because of what happened with the crystal decanter she broke at a foster home, which she mentions in like 6 episodes.

Also, I love these soft May moments. The way she goes from comforting Skye to freaking out in a protective manner over the fact that she's bleeding.

The way Trip's mom just knew😭

If you follow me, you know my opinions on Fitz and my disdain for him, and I don't agree with the fact that Fitz kept telling Skye to hide her powers as she could have gotten help sooner, but "You're just different now, and there's nothing wrong with that" will forever be one of my favorite lines from the show.

Raina, baby, no :(

"COME ON, GIRL"😭

Why couldn't we have more family moments like the end of this episode?

2x12 Who You Really Are

Welcome back, Lady Sif! I loved seeing her in Loki, and I really hope we get her back in Thor: Love and Thunder (was it ever confirmed that she was going to be in it? I can't remember).

The May and Skye sparring scene... *chef's kiss*

"I didn't want to hurt you" and then May's gesture that's just like "You think you can?"😂

Also, THAT transition

"Son of Coul"

In canon, how did they get that picture during 1x15?😅

Why did they have to make the Kree's weapon look like a mallet you would beat meat with? lol.

So, now the ICERs are dangerous? I don't remember them saying dangerous for some reason, and now I feel for Skye with the after-effects after she shoots herself later in the episode.

"I can" Love that May is crushing on Thor. And just Coulson's face after she says that haha.

"i BaReLy ToUcHeD iT"

"I learned this as a child, did you not?"

Agents of SPOOF has forever ruined the scene where they find the Kree cause I can no longer watch this scene without the song "Blue" going through my head.

I love the parallel they make in s7 of Kora's gun quaking apart to Skye's in this episode, even if Kora wasn't the one causing the quakes.

I love how Sif was about to explain the concept of a key to Coulson.

Yes, Mack is a pretty boy.

The zoom in on the water glass. The way water glasses have become something of a symbol for Daisy's powers!

The way May just knew the shaking was from Skye and that something was up all along.

Love how May and Coulson don't even think twice about grabbing Skye and standing in front of her.

Why Bambino for the name of the "I know what it does" weapon?😂

Mack just goes from "we'll decide what she is😠" to "Tremors🤩" and I love that.

May grabbed her and ran, and then she took a knee and got on Skye's level, just as a special someone had once told her to do🥺

No one talks about the May and Daisy scene in this episode enough. Just the way May says "Skye" tells you everything about their relationship and how much they care.

It's there for a split second, but the way May just softly touches Skye and moves her hair😩 (I'm obviously touched starved, can't you tell? lol)

Ugh, I always hate that line from Mack given his and Daisy's amazing relationship later. You can see the regret on his face when he sees her though. Ugh, can we just move on from the painful parts, please?

2x13 One of Us

"I'm stopping them before they start" Oh, Skye, baby. If only you knew what you were doing to yourself.

May's thoughts: "Is he really asking me to contact my ex right now?"

And there he is, Dr. Andrew Garner, the husband blueprint.

Also, Andrew is a great therapist, laying down the rules for treating Skye.

Love that Lian May still likes Andrew and invites him over for dinner despite her daughter having been divorced from him for years. I mean, I would too.

This is an Andrew Garner appreciation blog.

Here's one of the one-liners we get of Daisy's past in the foster system. Never will forgive the writers for just forgetting this major part of Daisy and having the characters treat her like she didn't have this trauma as well.

Also love how even Andrew grew a soft spot for Skye/Daisy as time went on.

"I'm not suicidal" UGHHHHH SEASON 2 WHY YOU GOTTA DO ME LIKE THIS. SEASON 4 IS COMING UGHHHHHH. Glad they care for her this season. You will hear from me more on this when we get to s4a cause I have A LOT to say about how they treated Daisy.

Did we ever establish EXACTLY was the photo on Andrew's desk?

Love how we found out that May can't cook and just ran with it in fanfics😅

Fitzsimmons gossiping about May and Andrew is such a mood.

"You need backup" "I need backup"

That kid filming with his iPhone is the only realistic thing in this show.

NOT THE BIRDS

Mack, imma have to disagree with you on that. I actually like pineapple on pizza.

As much as I absolutely love the 'May and Coulson are Daisy's adoptive parents' fics, where are all the 'May and Andrew are Daisy's adoptive parents' fics? Cause the way Skye talked to them, convincing them to let her go, just gave me 'daughter talking to her parents' vibes.

Skye's shaking can be because she's scared and it works, but given that you can see everyone's breath, it was probably, no doubt, freezing cold when they filmed the football field fight.

I totally forgot Bobbi was hiding under the bleachers. That made me laugh😂

THAT👏🏼 MAY👏🏼 POWER👏🏼 WALK👏🏼

Again, I JUST WANT TO HOLD BABY SKYE. She's over here watching the people she cares about the most destroy people who are gifted just like her.

Can we talk about the May and Coulson Worried Parent™ running?

"We're as close to a family as Skye has"🥺

2x14 Love in the Time of Hydra

You know, I really liked this stretch of episodes without Ward. Now, he's back. Gross.

I also just feel really bad for Kara

Look at that, the only time the MCU actually might have looked at Bruce's mental health and how he might actually not want the Hulk. Did we all just forget about how he said he tried to kill himself in The Avengers?

Not Fitz talking about being glad that certain people don't have choices the better themselves.

Watching May and Coulson talk about taking Skye out of the picture so she can better control her powers, knowing that something is up with Bobbi and Mack, is really neat. They were always thinking ahead.

"Off to see the wizard"

There are so many parts of this episode, I honestly have no idea what's going on lol.

The team canonically had karaoke nights.

The whole 'Real Shield' thing is so frustrating. Like, I understand some aspects of what they are saying, even Coulson later agreed, but their execution is just terrible.

Wait, so Jemma knew that there were going to be repercussions of the casts she made for Skye?

Thinking about all the flashbacks Skye was having when Coulson told her to "pack a bag"🥺 You can just see it in the way her face totally drops and the shaky breath she takes.

LOLA BACKSTORY

I will never get over May's voice coming out of Skye's mouth. This whole scene is just weird and creepy😣

I'm just tired of Ward justifying everything he's done wrong on his past when Daisy had gone through a rough upbringing as well, and she came out the most selfless person ever. She didn't become a little murderer.

"You seem so well adjusted" EXCUSE ME. DID YOU JUST SAY THAT ABOUT WARD???

Not gonna lie, Ward and Kara breaking into Talbot's base does make me laugh. It's just so chaotic.

Talbot's soldiers have to go through so much haha😅

"If there is one thing I cannot stand, it is a spy in my house" and the cut to Mack OMG.

Does Mack really think he can outsmart THE Melinda May?

Kara punching Bakshi was very satisfying.

At the time of rewatching this episode, I had rewatched (again) all of season 1 and prior episodes of season 2 (just so it says I watched them on Disney+), but I never noticed in 2x02 how Coulson told Hunter that there were people he trusted that vouched for him and that 'people' was Bobbi.

"I'm just trying to fix her!" UGHHH THIS LINE HURTS EVERY TIME. SIMMONS WHY? I LOVE YOU BUT THE XENOPHOBIA HURTSSS.

Not the edible arrangements😂

Again, feel so sorry for Kara.

2x15 One Door Opens

THE WAY BOBBI BUSTS THROUGH THE DOORS. YES QUEENNN!

I wish we got more Hartley before she died.

"The path we've chosen, makes you forget your lines sometimes" is one of my favorite bloopers.

Gotta hand it to Coulson's quick thinking.

Love how Bobbi knew it was safer to just break through glass than to voluntarily fight May.

Also, May and Bobbi fight... *chef's kiss*

When did Bobbi and/or Mack have the time to put a monitor in a fire extinguisher that's out in the open?

I don't understand the logistics of the casts. Like, I know it suppresses the powers, but like, what makes it so Skye feels woozy? Like, that should have been something to note.

As someone who hates horror movies, the very not-that-scary horror-esc scene/buildup did kinda scare me the first time I watched haha.

If I opened my front door, and some guy like Gordan was standing there, I would have screamed and shut the door right then and there.

Gordan is aware of exactly who Skye is, right? I wonder if he knew her during the few months before Whitehall. I mean, he had known Jiaying since at least 1983, and she wasn't born until 1988.

Also, I wonder if Gordan ever thought about Kora during those moments with Skye, a girl who was scared of herself and didn't have an idea of how to control her abilities.

SMART GIRL JEMMAAAA

They don't want secrets, but they're willing to break into a base, potentially hurting a lot of people? Again, Real Shield frustrates me.

Skye discovering new aspects of her powers will always be my favorite part of the episode.

Fitz and Simmons holding hands and being there for each other after Real Shield invades is sweet.

And people don't understand why Skye wanted to stay at Afterlife more than Shield. May wasn't able to finish, so Skye believed all of Shield was after her. Then, of course, she was chased through the woods and shot at.

May is the dictionary picture of loyalty.

Why is Coulson being sent down that elevator so funny?😅

Damn, I really hate Calderon.

Again, Skye only attacked to protect herself. SHIELD ATTACKED FIRST.

Love how much Bobbi still cares about Skye. The scream of her name was pure terror for her.

And there's the quake shield! Shame we only see her use her powers like that again in the series finale.

So, does Skye just not remember arriving at Afterlife? Did she like pass out as soon as she and Gordon got there?

2x16 Afterlife

Thank you Coulson for icing that guy cause that actor (the car salesman) is a pedophile (I know this cause he was the dad/grandfather on Andi Mack and they had to cut him out of the show)

What was the point of having Skye in two pieces of cloth?

And there's Mr. Battery Pack Lincoln Campbell.

Thank you Bobbi for defending Skye.

How would you have been invited IF COULSON DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT YOU?

So Jemma and Fitz made their plan pretty early on given that Jemma didn't have much of a reaction about Fitz "packing his things"

"I lost her"😭

The little foreshadowing to the following episode with Bahrain!

Hunter waking up like that is a mood.

Hunter is a whole mood this whole episode actually.

So, those shield agents were there with the battering ram for an hour? I'd give up after like five minutes.

After season 3, I know that Daisy and Lincoln weren't ready for the relationship they could have had at the time, but I will admit that they're cute. He's the one who convinced her that her powers could be a good thing. It's nice to see someone caring about her.

You mention Trip, and I will start crying.

MIKE PETERSON!!!!!!!

AND THERE'S JIAYING

Skye knows there's a connection between her and Jiaying.

Is Lincoln aware of the relationship?

That scene hurt knowing that Jiaying lost Daisy, but watching this after s7 and knowing she's also hurting because of Kora, it hurts even more. UGHHHH WHY DOES THIS SHOW MAKE ME FEEL FEELINGS.

Hunter just wants to go to Mexico.

2x17 Melinda

May and Andrew were such a good-looking couple.

THEY WANTED TO HAVE A FAMILY AND HAVE KIDSSS😭😭

"Best Security System in the World" yes she is.

Thinking about how Coulson wanted to bring May onto the Avengers Initiative with him.

Okay, but how cool/emotional/sad would it have been if we got a young Eva Belyakov in season 7 when they went to Afterlife?

The fact that Skye is still trying to justify SHIELD and blame herself when Jiaying is trying to make her see that she had every right to fire back IN DEFENSE. And people wonder why Skye """turned""" on SHIELD.

The Quake theme when she causes the avalanche. Ugh, I will never not get emotional when I hear that theme.

May's smile when she first sees Katya😭 WHY DOES THIS EPISODE HAVE TO HURT!!

I really feel bad for Raina.

The water glasses is making me season 7 emotional. (7x10, why did you have to be so sad???)

Another reason I love this episode aside from the Bahrain backstory is that it actually touches upon Daisy's trauma with foster care and abandonment and actually acknowledges what it has done to her character instead of ignoring it and treating her like shit.

"I tried some of the scotch too."

*26 Skye. You're 26. (Though Chloe I'm pretty sure was only 22 or 23 when filming this episode)

JIAYING KNOWS YOUR BIRTHDAY SKYE!!!

"You were born on July 2nd." And I'm going to go cry now.

Dichen and Chloe's acting and emotion in this scene is just phenomenal!!

"I was too afraid to hope"

Why did the universe allow people to hurt Jiaying and Daisy?

"Shield is not authorized for any action" *one second later* "Go"

"Bio always works" foreshadowing for 4x14!

The whole "Get down on her level or grab her and run like hell" scene is so heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time, and seeing this happen in 2x12, ugh I really love this show.

"Do good Melinda, but come home"

I know I haven't said too much on the Bahrain flashback, but I'm just so invested in it. Seeing the famous backstory of May come to fruition... it's all so amazing and painful all at the same time.

I always have and always will love May, and I understand May being upset that Coulson was keeping secrets from her, like seeing Andrew for counseling about the alien writing, but I feel like she was a little too harsh with him given the secrets she kept from him last season. I know that was for his own protection, but still. Again, I still feel like May has every right to be upset. Just the way she went about it just felt like an uncalled for reverse of last season. Just my opinion.

Were they trying to have some sort of romance thing between Gordan and Raina? I don't know... the whole "I can take you to amazing places" just gave me that vibe.

The connection between Jiaying and Bahrain is so chilling every single time.

AND THE KATYA REVEAL. There are so many moments from the show I want to watch for the first time again, and that is one of them. The realization for the audience and both May on what has to be done. Again, CHILLING.

I'm a more casual Philinda shipper, but I still love their friendship so much. The way Coulson ignored the Bahrainian forces and pushed past them when he heard the gunshot and went in for May. You can just see that friendship so clearly.

THE IMAGE OF MAY JUST CRADLING KATYA😭

"The Calvary went in after all"

"Let the girl go" CRYING

If I'm remembering correctly, Daisy must have been AT LEAST over six months old when she was dropped off at the orphanage. I'm pretty sure she was more. A six month old is very different from a newborn baby. How did they mess up her age by A WHOLE YEAR??

"He is a monster" "He was good once" THE FACT THAT THIS ALSO APPLIES TO JIAYING!! I feel so bad for her. Jiaying deserved better.

AND RAINA IS THE TRUE CLAIRVOYANT *cue the That's So Raina clip from Agents of SPOOF*

Way to go, Hunter. You've made it to Mexico!

I don't think I said this last episode, but I loved the Coulson-Hunter teamup.

2x18 Frenemy of My Enemy

The way Hunter is just avoiding eye contact with Fitz when Ward is mentioned lol.

Sad watching Cal like this, knowing Jiaying wants to send him away.

Again, was Lincoln aware of the relationship between Skye and Jiaying prior to this?

The Bobbi and Mack sparring scene is pretty cool too.

The "Simmons, what did you do" had May giving a hard Mom Face™

"Hey, baby😏" "Hey, sweetie😃"

That little interaction between Kara and Mike is so funny to me for some reason.

The whole Coulson wanting to use TAHITI on Ward still confuses me. Like yeah, Ward won't remember he was bad, but what about him being wanted?? Did Coulson have a plan for that?

I understand Jiaying has reservations against Raina, and rightfully so, cause of what she knows from Cal and Skye, but it still rubs me weird that she is questioning the existence of her gift knowing that anyone can be the first of their kind like Gordon.

From this point forward, the rest of the points are written like a month later cause school sucks, but it’s summer vacation now, so I have time finally!

So have Kara and Ward just been planning revenge on Bobbi for like a while or something?

So have Kara and Ward just been planning revenge on Bobbi for like a while or something?

Yes, Ward. That house is your last.

We love Mike cock-blocking them cause... gross.

“Gordo"

I love Cal. Just want to say that again.

I want more of Cal and Jiaying's love story. But then again, it'll probably make the whole thing even more sad than it already is and make me cry even harder.

Also funny how Skye was going to be brought up in the same state Coulson was born in.

“And I empathize" IF THIS DOESN'T EXPLAIN DAISY'S WHOLE CHARACTER I DON'T KNOW WHAT DOES.

SHUT THE FUCK UP WARD

I sort of kinda like Fitz and Simmons relationship in these later episodes of season 2 and the trust they are willing to put into each other.

JIAYING WANTED TO BE A DOCTOR😭

Cal wanted Skye to go to a charter school. Fun fact: I attended a charter school. Honestly, don't know what makes a chater school a charter school, but to me, my school was if you mixed a private school and public school and it was K-12. We wore uniforms, but there wasn't a tuition and it was opened to the public. You just had to be put onto a waiting list and you got in by lottery. I got in in 5th grade and graduated high school from there in 2019.

This scene reminds me of the Pirates of the Caribbean scene for some reason.

So, no one saw Mike's gun come out and go back in?

Cal complaining about capitalism is a mood.

“I'm kidding... sort of" about the liquor.

Skye's pickpocketing skills!!!!

Skye got the neopolatin ice cream sandwich. Love that for her.

See Lincoln, you could be a spy.

Hunter referring quantum entaglement as torture has the same energy as Scott Lang thinking of quantum entaglement as something sexual.

DAISY JOHNSON DAISY JOHNSON DAISY JOHNSON

And the soft Quake theme when she says her name for the very first time😭

The hula dancer🥺

I find it weird that Cal wanted to show the tools used to put Jiaying together. It might just be me, but I would be creeped out.

EVERYONE COMING TOGETHER!!!

Does Lincoln have any previous fighting experience? Cause he acts fast and knows what to do with his powers.

Also, despite everything, Skye still has faith in SHIELD and knows its Hydra.

It's cliche, but Skye falling on top of Lincoln is kinda cute.

Lincoln's face of recognition when trying to eletrocute Mike😂

“Sure, and I'm the Hulk"

Ward is still obsessed with Skye if he willingly followed Coulson like that.

I'd be a little pissed if I saw someone I trusted with Ward too, not gonna lie.

The way Skye was going to reunite with Coulson before Gordon got her🥺

SHIELD was that slow to get there?

Take me to your leader"

2x19 The Dirty Half Dozen

Excited for this one. One of my favorite episodes from this season.

Jiaying has such a maternal feel to her, which I love, but I always find it funny when she comforts Raina knowing that Ruth Negga is actually older than Dichen Lachman (only by like a month though).

I understand Jiaying's anger towards Cal after he revealed Skye's identity and relation to her when she had wanted that hidden.

Were there always those bright lights in the Cage? Cause it was always dark in there.

“I like seeing my Bus" I just remembered this is the last episode with the Bus, which continues to be my favorite SHIELD base/aircraft.

User-Friendly Cal™

I totally understand Jiaying's fears, but there are also the "never leave a man behind" values that Skye has.

So Mike and Lincoln are in the same cells that Wanda and Pietro were in, right? At least the same facility.

Love Mike's sarcasm.

Having to say "Hail Hydra" after every phone call must be annoying.

“Dazzled"

Coulson translation: "I'm taking my og team cause I love them and they're mine. Except for Ward, he's more of an inconvenience, but I need to use him"

There are windows other than the cockpit of the quinjet?

Don't worry Hunter, I'd be nauseous looking at Ward and Kara together.

Can May beat the shit out of Ward again? Please.

My Team™

I realized I haven't said much about Gonzalez. Is there even much to say?

I don't know if Coulson really had to tell May about seeing Andrew. Yeah, it hits a more personal nerve, I get that, and May can be upset, but I understand Coulson not wanting to discuss his own medical records.

Don't like Gonzalez saying the agents going on the mission are worth the risk, saying that they are more expendable than Bobbi. Bobbi's not expendable either, but I think you get what I'm saying.

THE OGs!

Jemma's first question being "Are you making friends?"🥺

I love the entire team death staring Ward.

“I'm still happy I shot you" ME TOO.

Jemma, Fitz, AND MAY agreeing with Skye is a whole mood.

“Ward, just no more talking to people" Yes, please shut him up.

That little comment about needles was all Kara needed from Bobbi.

Thinking about how they all had to pack their belongings from the Bus aka Skye's first real home.

And goodbye Bus. You were a great part of the show, and I will forever miss you.

“Really starting to wish I hadn't eaten that Hot Pocket earlier" is such a random line and I love it.

Also thinking about all the chaos the cast had while filming this scene. Between Chloe and Clark with the fart machine and Brett doing a little too much when they were "falling", I just love these cast moments.

Also an appreciation for Ponytail May.

Ward's confusion with Skye's powers will always be funny to me though.

“So that's what happened in Puerto Rico."

I also always think about how StaticQuake was a little interesting and weird for Chloe as she has a younger brother who is actually named Lincoln.

Ward's confusion and sass are enjoyable in this episode. A little. Only a little. Like a smidge.

ALSO THE ONE-SHOT FIGHT!!!

Chloe deserves all the recognition for that fight scene, especially since she broke her arm during it.

“Either come with me now or you're next" "Okay, after you" Always listen to Melinda May.

Bobbi and Mack's happiness when the mission is a success is nice though.

MARIA I LOVE YOU

Episodes like this make me wish I had watched the show when it was live.

2x20 Scars

KEONIGS!!!!!!

Call your sister" sticky note, LT FORESHADOWING

Glad to know SHIELD was the "friends" mentioned in Age of Ultron. I guess that's the only time the movies ever mentioned the show.

Thank you Bobbi for defending Coulson

Also, like how Coulson was able to see some of the errors that 'Real SHIELD' was right about.

Skye staying with Lincoln is giving major Sousa staying with Daisy vibes.

I wonder if the man's son Raina talked about eventually did go through the mist. I mean, he must have if Raina saw it. I'm just wondering when.

Oh yeah, this is the episode that introduced the monolith, that damn thing.

Okay, but why did SHIELD decide to keep the monolith from Hydra instead of, you know, destroying it.

People always are harsh towards Skye for siding with the inhumans for a bit there and uses it as an excuse to hate on her, but the way May and Coulson are already taking about the inhumans, asking "are they people" could give Skye the impression of what they may view her as. They kinda throw away her connection to the people and not listen to her when she tries to explain why she trusts them. Honestly, Skye has no reason to trust SHIELD right now as they chased her through the woods not too long ago.

I don't agree with Skye throwing Bahrain at May like that as she knows the trauma May has with it, but people also use it as another excuse to hate on Skye. May was egging her on, telling her the inhumans were dangerous. Yes, they were scared of the monolith. Another example of no one listening to Skye. Again, I don't think Skye should have thrown that at May, but I don't exactly use it against her overall character when May and Coulson were putting all that onto Skye.

Here they go with the Indexing. This is the part I don't agree with Coulson one bit. Indexing those with powers is a violation, and the show itself shows why it's a bad thing during season 4 with the Sokovia Accords.

“I miss my plane" ME TOO

THE HULA GIRL😭

“One of the greatest threats SHIELD has ever faced" You mean the innocent people who want nothing to do with you? and not, you know, THE NAZI ORGANIZATION THAT WAS IN YOUR ORGANIZATION FOR THE LAST 70 YEARS!?!?

I'm always indecisive if Gonzalez going in instead of Coulson was a good idea. Coulson is too close to the situation with Skye, but Gonzalez's views of these people are all wrong.

That "May" and Bobbi leaving scene was way too quick that the signs weren't there and may for an interesting reveal.

And here's Mack's first attempt at quitting. Wait til he finds out he's Director in 2019.

Mack joined SHIELD in 2002 (13 years prior to 2015).

“My people would never blindly follow me into a war" Until you start one...

“It's me who's changed" THIS LINE HURTS SO BAD

“I think we've been spending too much time together"

And the confusion of two Mays begins.

FUCK YOU WARD

How did they even get the coordinates with Afterlife? It was because they were watching Gordon, right?

Fun fact for those who may not know, the actress who played Alisha (the multiplier), Alicia Vela-Bailey, is also the stunt double for Bobbi and her husband (I don't know his name) was the stunt double for Ward, so the fight between them in the finale is essentially a husband and wife fight.

“I was always excited to meet you" AWWWWW

I love May, she's my favorite after Daisy, but her totally disregarding the fact that Gonzalez did in fact send agents to contain and possibly kill Skye rubs me the wrong way. Does that count as gaslighting? Another reason Skye was more inclined to side with the inhuman than SHIELD.

“I hope your mother was everything you wanted her to be" always hits me, especially when Daisy brings it back in 7x10.

The turn with Jiaying almost feels sudden, but the episodes leading up have small clues. Also, she's right. Her scars from Hydra are much deeper and painful than Gonzalez's.

There's a certain type of feeling hearing Jiaying, a victim, quote Whitehall, her absuer. It's creepy, but you know shit is about to go down.

I see so many reactors and podcasters call Skye stupid for siding with the inhumans, but from her side, it looks like SHIELD shot at Jiaying. She had no way of knowing. Given SHIELD's record at this point, I'd probably have the same reaction.

2x21 S.O.S. Part 1

Lincoln's little slide to Jiaying is funny to me. I don't know why.

I'll never understand Jiaying's order for the inhumans to fire on themselves. That is literally getting your people hurt.

And now the blame for "SHIELD" hurting the inhumans is all put on Skye. Someone please just tell this girl that none of this is her fault.

And a SHIELD agent literally shot an inhuman right in front of Skye. People really need to stop saying Skye chose wrong. She has no reason to believe SHIELD.

OOOHH SHE DREW BLOOD FROM MELINDA MAY

Small Ruben Mackenzie mention

May waking up from being unconscious with Cal singing is so funny for no reason. She is just immediately like "WTF??"

Coulson is the only one considering that Skye doesn't have the full story and understands why she's acting the way she is.

And the true purpose of Jiaying's power is revealed, and it is quite terrifying.

To be fair, Skye chose based on how people have been treating her.

“Generosity of others" Not sure that guy was willing to give up his life.

Surprised Jiaying didn't have much of a reaction to hearing her daughter had been shot before. She was literally on the verge of death.

“When I find him, I'm going to kill him" Yes, please do, May.

As someone who hates needles, Ward putting those needles in Bobbi's fingers always makes me feel sick.

“It's her usefulness" Don't really like Skye's value being her use.

“There's always someone else to blame" And there's Ward's entire character arc cause he can never take responsibility for his own morals and actions.

Bye Bye Raina. You were a fun and interesting character.

Also, Jiaying, say bye to your daughter cause you just lost her trust.

This was the one time (I think) that Jiaying called her Daisy by her birth name in front of her.

Why Spain, Ward?

To be fair, Ward, May chose you, not Coulson.

The knee break always gets me😬

I've said it before, but Skye's family story is so sad I feel so sorry for all of them.

And here, we start the great Daisy and Mack friendship/sibling-ship that becomes one of my favorite platonic relationships in the whole show.

How many multiples can Alisha make at once? Cause she makes three right now.

Mack is such a badass I love him.

Monster Cal is hilarious.

This SHIELD team just loves to run their cars into people, don't they?

2x22 S.O.S. Part 2

That damn battering ram.

Poor Cal. He just wanted his family back together.

I'm about to theorize about Jiaying's power. We know she can drain life, but then season 7 comes around, and it is implied that she can give life to heal others. So basically, is Jiaying like a holder for life? Like a container? She can drain life, but she hangs onto it, causing her to not age, until she is needed to heal someone else? Just a thought.

“Just you and me, Tremors" MY HEART!!!!!

“Not the skills I'm looking for" Glad someone remembers Skye's root abilities.

Thank you, Lincoln, for finally questioning Jiaying's intentions.

Ginger Ninjas™

I know how this episode ends, but Hunter slowly opening doors still makes me nervous.

Kara, do you really think you can outsmart Melinda May?

BOBBI NOOOOOOOO

HAHAHAHA THAT'S YOUR FAULT WARD

It's always small moments of May's expression going really soft that really show you how much she cares about her team. I love that she shows her love for them through her actions, but these small moments are really nice too.

I wanna know more about specialists like May's medical ability as May seemed to tend to Bobbi on the way back to base. Obviously, I feel like CPR is must from all agents, but like, to what extent at Operations were they taught medical treatments?

“I just wanted to hear your voice" MAY AND ANDREW WERE SO SWEET😭

“Do good Melinda, then get home safe." UGGHHHH MY HEART

Bobbi and Hunter's relationship making everyone question their love lives.

Also, I feel for Jemma. I always felt like her wanting to talk to Fitz felt like she was forced to by herself. Like she felt like it was something she had to do since their friendship would never be the same, so might as well try the love thing out. That's just how I felt about it.

Jiaying is such a great character. I constantly feel sorry for what has happened to her and who she eventually became.

“I'm the guy who kills Gordon" YES

Never mind, Jiayings says "Daisy" to Daisy at least one more time.

No-Eyes™

“Hiya Honey"😀

I don't like Jiaying throwing that back at Cal. He is trying to protect Daisy. At this point, he's protecting her from you.

“Trust me, you will miss"

Skye really did hold her own really well against the Ginger Ninjas.

Jiaying actually is right in the situation, but, like she said in 7x10, she went about it all wrong. The inhumans did simply need protection cause the world wasn't ready for them.

First time watching, I knew the moment Jiaying put her hand on Skye's face what was going to happen.

Jiaying calling her children her true gifts, but then turning around and betraying her own daughter.😭

QUAKE THEME (yes, I will say it time everytime it's there)

“We're not bad, we're misled" Another reason they shouldn't need the Index.

That stabbing sound is a heart attack waiting to happen. Was actually scared for Fitz when I watched it the first time.

Also goodbye Coulson's Left Hand™

Again, Johnson Family story is just so sad and heartbreaking. Feel sorry for Daisy, Cal, and Jiaying for everything that has happened to them.

AOS Don't Kill Jiaying By Snapping Her Spine Challenge is clearly a fail.

Prints for Zephyr 1!

I wanna see Bobbi on morphine.

I want someone to watch over me the way SHIELD men watch over their loved ones when they're hurt.

What does Bobbi actually mean when she says "I can't do this anymore"

“Cutting off my hand without asking"

Was Mack being in charge of alien artifacts ever said again after the finale?

YES MAY! YOU TAKE THAT BIKINI WITH YOU! YOU ALSO DESERVE THIS BREAK!

Who had Andrew recruited for the Secret Warriors at this point? File seems big.

“I imagined you perfect, and you're way more interesting than that" Wish my parents thought the same thing about me. I'm just projecting now.

SHIELD should have adopted an agency dog from Cal's practice.

SHE'S DAISY SHE'S DAISY SHE'S DAISY SHE'S DAISY

I love her.

If it's just Daisy, how come the file is big and Andrew said he already had names.

Daisy is worthy of touching and DRIVING Lola!

AND WE'RE ABOUT TO MEET SOME GREAT INHUMANS LIKE JOEY AND ELENA!

BYE SIMMONS! HAVE FUN ON ANOTHER PLANET FOR 4,722 HOURS!

Would just like to mention, Seasons 4 and 7 might be the most enjoyable seasons for me to watch, but season 2 will always have a special place in my heart. Not just cause Daisy is my favorite character, but being Half-Asian myself, seeing a Half-Asian character like Daisy discover herself and really dive deep into her heritage is something that’s just so special to me. I could go on and on how Daisy has made me feel seen and made me want to connect more with my Filipino heritage, but there just aren’t enough words to describe it. Just wanted to leave this here about why I love season 2 so much.

[nalgenewhore]

what's the harm

elide x lorcan, modern au, fluff/fake dating, word count: 4475

Every single molecule in her body hurt. No matter how slowly she moved, how careful she was, her body protested against anything that wasn’t lying still, in her bed, buried under layers upon layers of quilts.

Elide sighed in exhaustion, her eyes shut. It took far too much energy to keep them open, energy that her flu-ridden being could not procure. She slowly turned onto her stomach and rested her cheek against one of her pillows, hoping that sleep would find her easier. Of course, like everything else she had tried over the course of the day, it was an effort made in vain.

She focused on her breathing, inhaling through her stuffed nose for four seconds, holding it for seven, and then exhaling for eight. For a while, she continued like so, lulling herself into a state of deep rest. It wasn’t quite true slumber. Elide could still hear her parents moving about in their house and her diffuser, dispensing a citrus oil blend around her room.

She simply refused to budge, hoping that if she stayed still long enough that she could trick herself into falling asleep.

The true problem was her fever. No matter how many blankets she had, nearly suffocating her, she was still wracked with chills.

Elide’s room was silent, save for the quiet hissing of her diffuser, for a short while more.

The peace was ruined when the doorbell rang. Unwillingly, her eyes opened and the seventeen year-old cursed into her pillow, blaming the deities above and below for her horrid condition. She huffed as she rolled onto her side, facing away from her bedroom door. Elide could hear one of her parents moving towards the door and opening it. The sound of muffled conversation drifted up to her bedroom, but Elide still didn’t know who it was.

A few minutes later, she heard a familiar sound – the sound of someone crashing up the staircase.

“Lochan! C’mon, I told you to be ready when I got here! I already warmed the car up for your anemic-ass,” Lorcan called, his footsteps growing louder and louder.

Elide made a pitiful noise and pulled the edge of her softest blanket over her face, hoping her fake-boyfriend would leave her the fuck alone when he saw her. Bitterly, she wondered why neither of her parents told him she was indisposed.

Only a couple moments passed before Lorcan had burst through her bedroom door, not even bothering to remember to knock as he usually did. “Lochan, are- wait, Lee? Lee?” He ventured in, his steps padding over her carpet. “What’s wrong? You didn’t forget about the thing at the twin’s place, right?”

“No,” she said, her words congested and even more muffled from her pillow. “I’m sick.”

The mattress shifted as Lorcan sat. Elide could feel the heat coming from him and resisted the urge to turn around to seek his warmth. “What’d’ya say? I didn’t hear,” he said, his voice low and impossibly gentle. “Turn around, so I can see you. Please?”

Turning around was a significant drain on her already low energy, but Elide did as Lorcan asked. She still frowned up at him, her brows knitted together. “I have the flu,” she told him, tossing an irate glance towards her bedroom door. “I can’t go to a party, I can barely walk myself to the bathroom without shaking to take a piss.”

He huffed a laugh. His eyes roved over her, though there wasn’t much he could even see. “How d’ya feel?”

“Shitty.”

Lorcan gave her a look and Elide rolled her eyes before elaborating. “Fine. I’m sore, I have a fever, and I haven’t been able to really sleep since I got this stupid flu.” He hummed and lifted his hand, pressing the backs of his fingers against her forehead. She blushed, loathing how pathetically obsessed she was with his casual affection. Elide hoped she could blame her shaking voice on her illness. “I- I’ll probably just, um, watch a stupid… movie.” She swallowed. “I think that I’ll, um… pass out.” Lorcan gave her a concerned look and she elaborated, “From the medicine and stuff.”

He hummed and finally dropped his hand, a slight frown creasing his brow. “You feel pretty warm, Lee. You’ve been keeping yourself hydrated, right?” Before she could answer, Lorcan was already turning towards her nightstand and grabbing the glass of water her father had placed there at some point in the afternoon. “Sit up and drink this.”

She frowned at him, annoyed that not even two minutes had passed before he decided to order her about. As she pushed her aching body up, Elide muttered something rude and Lorcan ignored her.

“There you go,” he said once she was in an upright position. He handed her the glass, which she grasped between both hands.

Elide raised the cup to her chapped lips and drank some of the cool water. She felt marginally better and took a few more sips before handing the glass back to Lorcan. He put it on her nightstand and turned back to her, that crease of worry still marking his brow. “What else do you need?”

“You sure are fussy,” commented Elide, eyeing the way he fixed her blanket. Lorcan merely returned her comment with a blank stare until she rolled her eyes. Almost immediately, she regretted her sass as it hurt, the pressure in her sinus pulsing. “Gods, I’m fine – really,” she lied. “I’ll get over this. Anyway, you need to go.”

Lorcan made an incredulous noise and pulled back slightly, as if offended by her words. “What? Why?”

She lifted a brow, “Um… the party? If I’m not there, Maeve’ll come and talk to you.” Her words turned bitter, “That’s the whole point of our thing.”

He frowned, looking down at his lap. “But I don’t wanna go if you won’t be there. I wanna stay with you.”

Elide’s dismissive scoff quickly turned into a coughing fit, deep coughs that came from the base of her chest. It made her ribs and stomach ache. Lorcan simply wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back until she’d calmed. Her face was hidden in his chest and she turned her head to press her cheek against the worn cotton of his shirt. “Just go,” she whispered, hating that she was all but throwing him at his psychotic ex-girlfriend. “You don’t have to lie, I won’t be upset.”

“I’m not lying, Elide.” Lorcan was silent for a moment. “Do you want me to leave?”

“It’s not up to me,” she answered weakly.

“Lochan,” he said, one of his hands moving to the back of her head. “It’s up to you. You decide if you want me to stay or,” he paused, his voice noticeably quieter when he continued, “if you want me to leave.”

Somewhat reluctantly, Elide pulled away from him, forcing herself to look in his eyes. “Stay,” she breathed, “stay with me.”

His full lips pressed together slightly, like he was trying to hide a smile. It didn’t matter much, Elide could already see it in his gaze. “Ok. I’ll stay. Just let me lock my car real quick.”

She nodded, a small grin twisting her lips, and before Lorcan left, he brushed a kiss against her feverish skin, whispering, “Don’t miss me too much, sweetheart.”

Elide couldn’t form words and watched him leave in a stunned silence. The name of endearment had been crafted for their scheme which was to convince his former girlfriend, Maeve, that she had made the worst mistake of her life when she cheated on Lorcan. At the start of the school year, only a couple weeks after he’d found her in bed with some other guy, Lorcan had hounded Elide for days on end, begging her to pretend to date him. Just long enough to make her jealous, two weeks tops, he’d said.

She’d agreed because she could never quite say no to him. For a year or so, Elide had been tutoring him in his math and science courses. It didn’t help that she was so inconveniently head-over-heels, goo-goo eyes in love with the boy.

A soft knock on the door pulled Elide from her bleak thoughts. She looked up as her mother stepped in, carrying a tray. “He’s a loud one,” Marion said by way of greeting. “I see why you like him so much.”

“Ma,” Elide groaned, flinging an arm over her burning face. “Stop saying that.”

“Oh, I’m just teasing,” her mother replied, walking in further. She set what she had been carrying down on Elide’s desk and then took a seat on the edge of the mattress. “Sit up for a moment, honey.” Slowly, Elide pushed herself up and took the mug her mother handed to her. “Drink your tea, it’ll make you feel better.”

Elide sipped delicately, her sinus so blocked she could hardly taste it. “Mmm, it’s good,” she said, her eyes closing when Marion wiped her hand over her brow to check her temperature.

“Is the boy staying with you tonight?”

Her cheeks reddened and she nodded, staring into her tea. “Yes, he is. I told him he didn’t have to.”

Marion smiled, leaning forward to kiss the top of her daughter’s head. “Well, good. I’ll leave you to it. He can spend the night, if you want,” she mentioned, oh-so casually.

As she got to her feet, a large shadow filled the doorway. Marion turned, spying Lorcan with his gym bag over his shoulder. “I texted Rowan that we weren’t- oh, Mrs. Lochan. Sorry, um, hi.” The large boy shifted on his feet, nodding his head once and then twice.

Marion merely dipped her chin, “Hello, Lorcan. Do come in, and don’t mind me. And please, call me Marion. I insist.”

He nodded, “Ok, Mrs- Marion. Sorry.”

She chuckled and waved him in as she slipped past him. Just as Lorcan reached Elide’s side, their attentions were both caught by her mother. “Oh, enjoy yourselves, you two. Your dad and I are going out for dinner.” Marion closed the door and called to Cal, “Cal, we’re going for dinner!”

Lorcan looked at Elide with wide eyes and she waved her hand, “Ignore her.”

“All right.” He shrugged and put his bag down, crouching low to unzip it.

“So… you just keep that bag in your car?”

He pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, “Yeah. I have physio appointments after school and practice, so it just stays in my car.” He stood up, his clothes in one hand. With the other, Lorcan gripped the hem of his shirt. He lifted it up, exposing his stomach.

Elide’s jaw dropped a bit, her eyes suddenly wide open. They were stuck on the line of hair from the dip of his belly button that disappeared beneath his waistband. Idly, she wondered how it would feel to run her hands down his torso, tracing the grooves of muscle, the line of his hip bone. Maybe his skin would be like silk, of the richest amber.

“Oh,” Lorcan let out a curse, dropping his shirt. “Sorry. Um… I’ll just use your closet?” His cheeks were stained with pink, bringing out the light freckles Elide seldom saw.

She nodded, knowing her cheeks were just as, if not more, red. “Yeah, that’s… um, that’s a good idea.” Elide couldn’t make herself look up while he crossed her room to the closet.

The sound of the door shutting behind him was deafening in the silence of her room. She dropped her head in her hands, the warmth of her skin having nothing to do with her fever. She could hear him rustling about inside her closet and scooched herself to the edge of her bed. Elide stayed still for a long moment as she gathered the necessary strength to stand up and grab her laptop from where it was charging by her bookcase.

Just as she took her first step, Lorcan came out, his clothes bundled in his hands. “Hey, what’re you doing?”

“Getting my laptop,” Elide said, gesturing weakly towards it.

His eyes followed to where she had pointed to and he put his clothes down on the chair next to her closet. “I’ll get it, get back in bed.”

“I,” she sniffed, giving him an imperious look, “am not an invalid. I can do things myself.”

“Sure ya can. Back in bed.”

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. Still, Elide returned to her cosy nest of blankets, quilts, and pillows. “You’re infuriating, did you know that?”

He chuckled, bending down to pick up the computer. “You might’ve mentioned it once or twice.”

Elide muttered something about loathsome boys and frowned at him as she waited for him to join her in bed. Lorcan set the laptop down and eased himself down, staying as close as he could to the edge of the mattress without falling off. She looked at him and sighed, flipping the blankets back. Elide patted the mattress beside her, “C’mere, Lor. I’m cold and you can’t keep me warm from all the way over there.” A slight pout twisted her plush lips.

Lorcan conceded, his heart hammering in his chest as he moved into the space Elide indicated. She moved closer, resting against him. After a second, she froze, flicking her eyes up to his. “You don’t mind, right? I can get a hot water bottle or something.”

“No,” he said, easing his arms around her. “This is fine. You don’t need a hot water bottle.” Lorcan cupped the back of her head and coaxed her to lay it against the soft spot between his shoulder and chest. He smoothed her hair back from her forehead and the other arm was around her waist, keeping her snug next to him. “I got you.”

She hummed in content and stretched her own arm across his stomach, shifting her hips until she could slot one leg between his knees. “You won’t let go?” she murmured, her cheek cushioned against his chest.

“I won’t,” he replied, a small smile playing on his full lips. Lorcan managed to hold her against him as he rose to grab her laptop. He reclined again and handed it to Elide.

She opened it and unlocked it, navigating to Netflix. Exhaling a puff of air, she moved her hand back to his stomach. “You choose,” Elide whispered. “I’ll watch whatever you wanna watch.”

“Hmm.” He pulled one arm out to be able to scroll through their wide array of options. “Movie, or show?”

“Movie.” Lorcan was silent for a few minutes and Elide dozed off, her eyes shut. She opened them again when the movie began to play. “What’re we watching,” she asked him, craning her head up to see him.

“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

She snorted before putting her head back down, “How fitting.”

Lorcan idly twisted her hair around his fingers, marvelling at how comfortable she seemed. It had never been this simple with anyone else, certainly not Maeve. A frown came over his face as he became frustrated, the comparison to his ex unwanted and unhelpful. The last thing he wanted on his mind when he was with Elide was Maeve. Unconsciously, he held the girl in his arms a bit tighter.

Elide made a soft noise, her brow knit together. “‘m not going anywhere,” she teased, her voice quieter than it had been before.

He eased his jaw, which he’d clenched tightly, and smoothed his hand down to her hip. “I know.” Lorcan moved his body further down, closer to her. He couldn’t help but kiss her forehead.

She was smiling when Lorcan pulled away and gazed up at him, seeming like her tongue was leaden with words she wouldn’t speak. Pink stole across her abnormally pale cheeks and Elide hastily put her head back, eyes on the movie. “I love this movie.”

“Yeah,” Lorcan whispered, mind reeling from the change in topics. “It’s good.”

After a long five minutes, Elide relaxed completely, melting over him. He rubbed his hand up and down her back, tilting his head to look at her face. “You asleep?”

She hummed, blowing out a small puff of air. “No… not yet,” she mumbled, squinting her eyes open. “No more movie. Too bright.”

He nodded, “‘kay.” Reaching out, Lorcan stopped the movie and shut the lid before picking it up. He carefully stretched his arm out and placed it on her desk. “Light off?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Lorcan tugged on the lantern’s string, plunging her room into darkness. The only source of light was from the moon shining through the window. Elide turned onto her side, extracting her limbs from him. His mind, so clouded with drowsiness and gentle affection, told him to follow her, so he did. She inhaled quickly, moving her head to the side. Lorcan dropped a kiss onto the curve of her shoulder, “Wanna sleep?”

She nodded, relaxing down into the mattress. He slipped his arm beneath her head, cushioning it beneath the pillow. Elide stretched her own arm out, her fingers slipping between his. Lorcan curled their arms towards him and hugged his left arm over her hip. Again, Elide’s same arm folded over his own, holding his hand. His chin rested on the top of her head, so he had her completely covered.

“G’night,” Elide breathed. She smiled faintly at Lorcan’s response, which was to squeeze her tighter.

“Sweet dreams, Lochan.”

<3<3<3

Lorcan woke up in the middle of the night, holding onto a shaking, sweating girl. He sat up, holding her tightly. “Lee? Lee, Elide,” he said, knowing that he shouldn’t shake her. “Elide, please, wake up.”

Carefully, he got up, keeping her on the bed. He smoothed his hand over her brow, feeling how hot she was. “Elide, wake up, sweetheart.”

She mumbled something, her eyes screwed shut. “N...no, sleep.”

“Get up,” he told her. “We have to cool you down, now.”

“Lorcan?” she asked, slowly opening her eyes. “Lor, where’d you go? Don’t go, please.”

“I’m here,” Lorcan promised, “I’m right here.” He slowly scooped her up, telling her soothing nothings as he carried her to the bathroom. “We’re just gonna cool you down, Lochan, I’m not going anywhere.”

She made a weak noise of pain, discomfort. Lorcan stepped into the tiled room and set her down on the floor. He crouched in front of the cabinet and opened the door, searching for a washcloth. Luckily, there was a stack of them right in front of him. He grabbed a couple and stood, glancing down at the girl. “You good there?”

“Warm,” Elide whispered, “too warm.” She babbled about something, no doubt a fever-induced hallucination.

His heart was beating far too quickly, but he needed to remain focused. Elide’s temperature needed to come down. If he could just get her fever to break, or lessen, Elide would be all right. Lorcan ran the tap and wetted the cloths, wringing them out so that they wouldn’t drip on her. Then, he lowered himself to her level, sitting next to her. “C’mere,” he said, cradling her head and pulling her towards him. Lorcan pressed the cloth against her forehead, then her cheeks.

She sighed, tilting her face into the cool touch. “Oh,” Elide relaxed. “Oh.”

“Yeah, there you go,” Lorcan patted her face some more, stretching his legs out. His back was against the side of the bathtub. Elide’s were curled beneath her, but she slowly began to unbend them and lay down. She rested her head in his lap and stared up at him, her hand weakly grasping his wrist.

“More, gimme more.”

In one hand, Lorcan gathered her thick hair away in a twist so it wouldn’t bother her and with the other, he dabbed her face. Her eyes slipped shut in bliss. He grinned, glad that he could bring her this small amount of relief.

Neither of them said a word for a while. Lorcan gently played with her hair and pressed the cloth to her pink skin until it wasn’t cold anymore. He dropped it in the empty bath and Elide slowly pushed herself up, her eyes more focused than they had been when he woke her up. “I need your shirt,” she said, her voice raspy and hoarse.

“Hmm?”

“Your shirt,” Elide repeated. She picked at her big hoodie. “I’m too hot, give me your shirt.”

Lorcan prayed to every god that had ever existed that Elide couldn’t see his red cheeks. “Um… ok.” He sat up and reached behind his head, pulling his shirt off in one motion. He handed it to her, refusing to meet her gaze. “Here ya go.”

He looked up, staring at the ceiling like he had never seen a more interesting thing. Elide moved to the side, just enough to take her hoodie off and let it fall. The tips of his ears burned bright red as he saw a flash of pale, smooth skin in his peripheral vision. Lorcan turned his head to the side, his nails cutting into his palms.

She laughed softly, poking her finger into his side. “I’m all done.”

Lorcan relaxed and looked back, almost choking when he saw her bare legs. His eyes snapped to her sweatpants, neatly folded alongside her hoodie. “Uh… water. You should have some water.” He rose onto his knees and took the glass beside the sink, running the water until it was cold. Lorcan filled the glass, then sat back down. “C’mere, sweetheart.”

“You keep calling me that,” she murmured, leaning against him once more. “You keep checking on me, making sure I don’t die of the flu…”

“Mm-hmm… so, what?”

“You like me,” Elide teased, taking the glass from him. “You’re so into me.”

“Oh, yeah? I am?” He was trying to play it off as a joke, desperate to keep it a secret. Even if everyone else knew, Elide didn’t. And he liked her, he liked having her as his tutor, so he wouldn’t do anything to mess it up. “I think you’ve got some brain damage from the fever, Lee.”

She took the glass, drinking deeply. Elide put the water down, shaking her head as she tipped herself down again. “Mnh-mnh, nope, you like me.”

Since she was laying on her side, Lorcan rested his hand on her waist. “You’re a cocky one, aren’t’cha?” He grabbed the other cloth and half-twisted towards the bath. Lorcan squeezed the last drops of water out before dabbing her face again.

Elide grabbed his wrist again, but instead of pulling it closer like the last time, she pushed it away. “Lorcan.”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you here?”

He frowned, slowly putting the washcloth down. “What do you mean? You’re sick. I’m taking care of you.”

“Like you’re my boyfriend,” Elide said, utterly no emotion in her voice. “And you aren’t. This isn’t real, you know.”

His heart dropped faster than it ever had. He answered oh-so carefully, “I know. We’re just… I know, Elide.”

“So. Why are you here?”

“Because it is real.”

She scoffed, pushing herself up. “Lor—”

“No, I need to tell you,” he cut her off, his wrist still caught in her grasp. Lorcan searched Elide’s eyes, “Elide, this isn’t- I don’t like Maeve, ok? I don’t like her, I have no interest in ever being in any kind of relationship with her ever again.” He continued, hoping that the gleam in her eyes wasn’t the shine of tears. “Elide, I like you. I want to be with you, I want to be your—”

Elide surged forward, dropping his arm in favour of resting her hand on the side of his neck as she kissed him.

For a moment, just a split-second, Lorcan froze. He responded quickly after, shifting closer to her.

“Shit,” she mumbled, pulling away. She was panting slightly, her eyes wide open. “Oh, fuck, I’m sorry. I- I’m sick and- and I really like you too.”

“You do? Really?”

Elide nodded, laughing a bit. “Yeah. A lot, actually.”

He smiled widely, his face bright. “That’s- that’s good. Um, and, don’t worry. About the kiss. It was nice.”

“Oh, good.” She grinned, then looked down at her lap. “What happens now?” Lorcan stood up and bent down, scooping her up once more. Elide gasped through her nose, automatically clutching his shoulder.

He chuckled and carried her into the hallway. “Well, now what happens is you get better and you let me take care of you without an interrogation.” She snorted and nodded, her head laying against him. “And then, when you’re all better, I’ll take you out on a date. A real one, nice restaurant, maybe some flowers. You like lilies, right?” Elide nodded again, her smile growing. She tilted her face up, eyes on him. “You’ll wear something cute, I’ll wear something cute. It’ll be nice.”

“Yeah? Are you going to kiss me at the end of the night?”

Lorcan shouldered her door open, then gently kicked it shut. “I might.”

“Are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend, for real?”

“Maybe.”

“Lorcan!”

“What, I can’t tell you everything,” he reasoned while putting her down in bed. “I have to keep some of the mystery alive, sweetheart.”

She rolled her eyes, scooting over so that there would be space for him. “You’re impossible, you know that?”

Lorcan took his spot next to her and folded her into his chest. “Oh, you can’t fool me.” She hummed in question as she draped herself across him. “You’re so into me, Lochan.”

Elide laughed against his warm skin, conceding. “Yeah, yeah, maybe I am.” She looked up at him. “Just a little bit.”

“Nah, nah, s’more than a little bit, sweetheart.” He dipped his head, his nose bumping into her cheek. “Gimme a kiss.”

“No, you’ll get sick,” she laughed, her hand cupping his jaw. “I mean, how shitty of a girlfriend would I be if I got you sick within ten minutes of our relationship starting?”

“Sweetheart, you know none of it was fake, right? All that stuff, all those dates and going to parties and dinner with your family and that stuff,” he said. “It wasn’t for Maeve. It was for you. Well, us. But mainly for you.” Slowly, Lorcan rolled them, making sure that he wouldn’t crush her with his full body weight. “So technically, we’ve been dating for a month and a bit now. Besides, I got my flu shots, so my chances of contracting the virus are significantly lowered.”

Elide strung her arms around his neck, her hands twisting in the air above his head. “Oh, you did?” She tilted her chin up, brushing her lips against his. “Well, since you got your flu shots…” Elide kissed him more fully, carding one hand through his hair.

Lorcan melted into her, closing his eyes. “What’s the harm,” he mumbled.

<3<3<3

dumb boy ❤

Elide: sugar-boo where are you Elide: mr. perrington’s doing attendance he’ll be pissed if you're skipping

Lorcan: One (1) Photo Attachment

Elide saved One (1) Photo Attachment from Lorcan Elide: YOU LOOK CUTE BUT YOU'RE STILL IN BED GET UP Elide: WTF ARE YOU DOING WE HAVE A TEST TODAY

Lorcan: ur gonna laugh at me

Elide: why would i laugh at you im WORRIED for your ACADEMIC CAREER

Lorcan: 🙄 Lorcan: i got the flu

Elide: i Elide: ur joking right

Lorcan: no im rlly sick Lorcan: i have a fever and im tired and this is the worst thing ever Lorcan: i thought the hallucinations would b fun but they’re just weird and creepy Lorcan: im the dumbest boy in school :(

Elide: lmao honey you aren’t the dumbest boy in school

Lorcan: i just wanted a kiss and now im being punished for it Lorcan: the gods are anti-young love

Elide: ohhh you’ll be fine i’ll come by at lunch Elide: i’ll bring you soup and skip my afternoon classes

Lorcan: nope i’ll be dead by then Lorcan: straight up im not living through this the gods need to take me now

Elide: wow you’re dramatic aren’t you Elide: and to think you could’ve avoided all of this if you listened to me Elide: you’re regretting that kiss rn

Lorcan: nahhh nah i’m not taking it back sweetheart Lorcan: i’d do it again

Elide: omg that’s so cheesy ew barf Elide: say something you actually mean

Lorcan: oh wooowwwww i’m cute asf and ur just a hater

Elide: gods you baby Elide: stay alive for two more hours pls i want to see u one last time b4 u die </3

Lorcan: i’ll try my heart Lorcan: pray for me

Elide: <3

<3<3<3

an: uhhhh hehe enjoy ? thats like the first thing ive finished in a month so. yay. elide and lorcan cuteness ! my fave <3

also i am not doing tag lists anymore cause they take too long + i do not post enough to need one i think

[whiskery-louis]

Game Night

** Hi everyone here is my first imagine in a while and it is pretty long and there will be a part 2!

Synopsis: Luke and you broke up 6 months ago. Ashton invites you over for game night.

Luke Hemmings x reader

Warnings: None

Please enjoy and let me know what you think!!

*not my photo*

“Come on Y/N you have to come see us! We’re traveling across the country just to see you!” Ashton whined through the phone.

“Well I didn’t ask you too Ash. I can’t risk seeing him-”

“He’s not coming, he’s staying here with her. Hell I don’t even think he knows we left.”

You sighed, “Who exactly is ‘we’?”

“Me and Mikey,” you could hear the smile in his voice. You had always been the closest to him and Michael. Not that you and Calum weren’t close, it was just different.

“What about Cal?” you asked.

“He’s staying back so you know who doesn’t get suspicious about the three of us all leaving for a weekend.”

“I don’t know Ash,” you sighed again. “I have work and stuff. Plus I was supposed to see the twins this weekend, and I wanted to go to Target…” you trailed off as you rattled on with excuses.

“Oh please, you know you miss us just as much as we miss you. It’s been six months Y/N, just come hangout for the night. I promise it’s not gonna be anything big. Just you, me, Mike and Crystal. We’ll just do pizza and play some games. Please Y/N, we’re already at the airport and if you don’t come willingly we got your new address from Lacey.”

You mentally cursed your best friend, she knew you specifically didn’t give any of them your new address for this very reason. You were out of excuses and you could hear Ashton’s smirk through the phone. He had you cornered and he knew it.

“Fine. Text me your Airbnb info and I’ll come over tomorrow when I’m done work. But you better be getting the good pizza, and there better be drinks.”

“Yes she’s in!” you heard Mikey yell in the background. You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the smile that spread over your face.

“Bye boys, safe flight.”

You hung up the phone and put your head in your hands. While part of you was very excited to see Ashton and Michael again there was still a part of you that was worried. There was too much history between you and him so of course they all knew about it. They tried not to take sides during the break up but everyone knew he had Calum and you had the other two. It was part of the reason that you had moved back home instead of trying to find a place to stay in L.A.. You could feel the tension that was building between the four of them and the last thing you wanted to do was ruin their friendships or their band. It was all way more important than you. 

You hadn’t really spoken to any of them much other than the casual ‘how are you’ texts here and there. But from him it had been radio silence for six months. Now here you were, five minute after speaking with Ashton and you were already more stressed than you’d be in week. What did you get yourself into?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was nearing 6:15 and you couldn’t bring yourself to pull up to the house, you had been circling the block for almost 20 minutes and every time you were about to stop you told yourself one more lap. You weren’t sure what was wrong with you, you knew it was only Ash, Mike and Crystal and yet just the thought of being around his friends was enough to make you sick. 

“Fuck it,” you muttered, finally pulling into the drive. You grabbed your bag, and although you hated to admit it, you were excited to see your old friends.

You walked up to the door and hesitantly knocked on it. As soon as your knuckles hit the wood you could hear yelling and footsteps running up to the door.

“Y/N!!!” Ashton yelled engulfing you in a massive hug.

“Can’t breathe…”

“Oi sorry, I’ve just missed you lots.” 

“I missed you too.” you grinned at him, wondering what you had been worried about all day. It felt like no time had passed.

“Well let her in the door man,” Michael spoke up from behind.

You smiled as you entered the house and walked over to Mikey hugging him hard.

“It’s been too long,” he muttered as he let you back.

“Well yeah, that kinda happens when there’s a global pandemic and I move across the county.”

You could tell Michael was going to tell you off for moving but Crystal came in the room then and thankfully saved you from talking about him.

She wrapped her arms around you giving you a quick hug, “It’s so good to see you, I’m glad you made it!”

“Me too, though if I didn’t come willingly I knew you’d show up on my doorstep.”

“You got that right,” she laughed, “It took all my energy to keep them in the house all day.”

“Well I appreciate it, I had a lot of work to get through today figuring I’ll still be hungover on Monday from this weekend.”

It was fitting that as soon as I mentioned being hungover we walked into the kitchen to a full stocked bar.

“Man I forgot you guys really go all out for game nights,” you couldn’t help but laugh at some of the fond memories.

“Okay so what game are we playing first?” Ashton asked as he handed you a drink.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two hours later and you really didn’t understand why you were so nervous to come. It was one of the best feelings catching up with your old friends and thankfully they didn’t bring him up once. You were in the middle of an intense game of charades, Crystal and you were kicking the boys asses.

“Alright do you guys want to give up yet? You’re never going to beat us so why not save yourselves the embarrassment.”

They both looked annoyed at how the game was progressing, “Well maybe if Mike could draw anything other than stick figures we would’ve stood a chance.” Ashton grumbled.

“And now you see why I always make sure someone else gets stuck with him,” Crystal laughed as she dodged the pen Michael threw at her.

You all laughed as you cleaned up and you went over to the stack of games, contemplating what you wanted to play next. You guys had made your way through a few different games and a few rounds of drinks and honestly you were exhausted. Since moving back home you didn’t hang out with many people other than Lacey and you forgot how much energy it took to be around people. You were tired but it was the best kind of tired. 

“Can we just watch a movie now? I’m tired of losing,” MIchael whined from the couch.

“That’s exactly what a sore loser would say,” you shot back.

Michael just smiled and shrugged his shoulders looking at you, “At least I know it, but I so call picking the movie.” He picked up the remote and started searching through Netflix looking for a good comedy that everyone would watch.

“Anyone up for another round?” Ashton asked and you nodded following him into the kitchen to help. It was silent as he rummaged through the alcohol looking for something new to drink. You hopped up on the counter waiting to see what he would make.

“So how have you really been?” he asked, breaking the silence.

You looked up at him, startly by his question and you could see him looking at you intently and knew exactly what he was talking about, or more so who he was talking about.

You chewed on your bottom lip as you contemplated what to tell him. “I’ve been fine.” you answered shortly.

He scoffed at your answer, “Come on Y/N, I know you better than that and as relaxed as you seem, there is still a part of you that is on edge. You ghosted us all when you left and it was like we lost a member of our family. So tell me the truth, how are you really?”

His answer startled you, and you blinked to keep the tears at bay. “Ash I really don’t wanna ruin the night and talk about him. Can we just table it for now and go back in there with Mike and Crystal. I really don't wanna bring the mood down.” You stared back at him and there must’ve been something in your eyes because he dropped it. He handed you a drink and the two of you went back into the other room. 

“Hey what were you two talking about?” Crystal asked as you sat next to her on the couch, a knowing look in her eye.

You elbowed her subtly, “Debating if Mikey was gonna pick a shitty movie or not,” you laughed.

“Don’t hate until you see it, it’s a good one you all like.” He pointed to the TV and you saw Shrek was on. “Also you could say thank you I ordered a pizza and it should be here in about 30 minutes.”

“Didn’t you just eat a plate of buffalo chicken dip and mac’n’cheese?”

He shrugged, “If it’s a problem Y/N then you can’t have any.” He stuck his tongue out at you.

You held your hands up in defense “No, no. Just asking, I’m for sure eating that pizza.”

“That’s what I thought,” Michael replied smugly.

You just rolled your eyes at him and sat back to begin the movie. Not even 10 minutes later and there was a knock on the door.

“Y/N since you were so judgy you can go answer the door.”

“Fine, fine. Though you suck at telling time Mikey, this was way less than 30 minutes.”

You got up from the couch and made your way to the door excited that the pizza was here much earlier than anticipated. There was another knock on the door as you were opening it. You froze when you saw who was there. 

Luke.

He must not have been expecting you either because he had a dumbfounded look on his face, and his fist was frozen in mid knock.

“Y/N?” he breathed, his eyes boring into yours.

It was silent and you both just stood there and stared at each other. It had been six months since you had seen him and although there were some noticeable changes he was still the same Luke who broke your heart all those months ago. His arms were larger and his shoulders slightly broader. His hair was longer, his roots growing out which somehow suited him more. He had shaved his quarantine beard but the stubble was growing back. His eyes were the same blue that you fell in love with, but they were missing the usual mischievous glint.

“Luke why are you just-” Calum was caught off walking up behind Luke, his face lighting up when he saw you. “Y/N?! What are you doing here? It’s so good to see you!” He squeezed past Luke and pulled you into a tight embrace.

You had no words as you hugged Cal back, you were still in shock at them being here and you couldn’t take your eyes off Luke,

“What the hell is taking so long?” Ashton came around the corner and froze when he saw the new additions to the party. “Oh you guys are early…” he trailed off.

At his statement you felt the rage building in your veins, you pushed Calum off of you turning to Ashton the anger seeping out of you. “I’m sorry what? They’re what Ashton?”

He looked sheepishly at you, “Surprise?” he shrugged his shoulders, with a slight smile on his face.

You couldn’t believe this. It was all a setup. The whole night was a trick for you to see him again when Ashton knew more than anything that it was the last thing you wanted. You were at a loss for words, as much as you wanted to yell, you didn’t have the energy anymore.

“Look we can explain…”

You held your hand up cutting him off, “Don’t Ashton, just don’t. I don’t want to hear it. I’m leaving.”

You stormed into the other room, to get you things. MIchael was trying to look busy but the guilt was written all over his face. Crystal was sitting next to him with her arms crossed glaring at her fiance, she looked up when you walked in.

“I am so sorry Y/N, I had no idea or I would’ve never let them pull this stunt.”

You gave her a weak smile, “I’m just going to get my things and go.”

Michael turned and looked like he was going to say something, but one look from Crystal silenced him.

“Thanks for the fun while it lasted, but please don’t reach out again,” you heard footsteps behind you and knew the others had followed you into the room. “I thought maybe I could be friends with some of you,” you pointedly looked at Luke, “But if this is the shit you are going to pull them I am out. I’m sorry but I cannot go through this again. I just can’t.”

With that you grabbed your bag and all but ran out of the house. As you sat in your car you were thankful that you didn’t have too much to drink and were able to drive yourself home. The thirty minute drive seemed to take forever. All you wanted was your bed and to be distracted by Netflix. After what felt like an eternity you pulled into your driveway and walked into your house. You threw your bag on the table and couldn't believe the night you had. You knew Ashton and Michael had wanted you to talk to Luke when you first broke up, but that was six months ago. You never thought that they would pull this shit tonight. It was almost more painful this time as you realized you had to cut all of them out of your life and not just Luke. 

You hadn’t expected to see him tonight and it really messed you up. You had spent the last six month erasing him from your life, as much as you could. You put everything he gave you into a box that was hidden in your basement. You tried to throw it away but it felt wrong somehow. He was too big a part of your life to completely get rid of. Lacey once asked you why you didn’t get rid of it all and you knew she thought it meant you still loved him but that wasn’t it. You just couldn’t bear to part with everything that had once brought you so much happiness. You hadn’t opened the box since you moved back home, as you went downstairs to bring it to the kitchen, you knew it was going to hurt more after seeing him tonight, but you couldn’t stop yourself.

You spent over an hour looking through all the memories the two of you had made during your time together and you were a mess sitting on the floor with tears rolling down your face. Maybe it was from the exhaustion that raked your body or the alcohol that was still in your system but you left the contents of the box sprawled over the island and slipped on his old Nirvana shirt before going to your bed and finally falling asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next thing you knew you were being jolted awake by a banging on your door. You looked at the clock and groaned when you saw it was only 8:00am. Who the hell would be here so early. Hoping it was just a package you rolled back over and tried to fall back asleep, when the person knocked again.

You signed as you rolled out of bed and trudged downstairs in nothing but the old shirt you fell asleep in. Rubbing your eyes as they adjusted to the brightness, you opened the door and had to squint to see who was there.

“Y/N, you uh forgot your phone and I wanted to make sure it got back to you safely.”

You hated that your heart skipped a beat as your name rolled off his lips, your eyes focused on him and the events of last night came back to you instantly.

“Luke.”

[dizzydancingdreamer]

Persephone's Symphony | Day Two | Persephone

Hey my lovelies a month later here is the next installment! When I was planning my chapters out a month or so ago I wrote at the top of this one "Sunny day, go outside, FLUFFY" (exact words)-- I regret to inform you that this is almost pure angst LOL. I deviated from that but the next chapter should bring some much needed fluff. Thank you all for your patience and support-- it means the entire world to me. All my love, until next time <3

Synopsis: In which he is the bad one— the dangerous one, the clunky one, the one who only knows how to break things— and she is the good one— the fragile one, the soft one, the one who knows how to put things back together— and he has to keep her alive long enough for anyone else— anyone who can do more than kill— to save her like she deserves to be saved— to save her from him. There are no pomegranates, no three headed dogs, and no requirement to stay— that is, if they don’t count an assassin on the loose out for her neck. In that case, three days in a safe house doesn’t feel like a long time— just long enough for Persephone and Hades to remember why opposites attract.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader (third person)

Warnings: Mentions of death, anxiety, PTSD, nightmares, angst things, self-hatred, terrible Greek myth references, this ones big angst but necessary for the plot line

Word count: 5.2k

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Master List

He likes his coffee iced.

Black and iced.

She watches as Bucky lifts the glass— the one filled with more cubes than coffee— to his lips, wincing when his throat bobs. It’s seven in the morning. Sure, neither of them slept that much last night— something which makes her gut twist, knowing quite well that it’s her fault— but still. It can’t be as refreshing as he’s making it look. Iced coffee is meant for afternoons. And meant with as much sugar and cream as she can get her hands on. Never just straight dark roast. She clutches her own mug closer to her, taking a sip of the warm, sweet liquid. This is how it should be.

“Got something you wanna’ say, doll?” He takes another sip and she scrunches her nose, both trying to keep her eyes off his pink lips and trying not to force her own mug into his hands— she would be doing him a favor.

If the slight smirk— the millimeter tick in his cheek— is anything to go by then she would say he knows how hard this is for her. A sadist. His lips pull up a touch higher, as though reading her mind. A handsome sadist. Her face flushes under his gaze and she drags in a lungful of air through her nose, holding it for a moment— one, two, three moments— before blowing it back out her mouth.

She lets the hint of coffee leftover on her tongue carve a syrupy smile across her face. “Nope— nothing at all.”

He nods once, blue eyes creasing at the corners as he stares at her from over the glass. He knows. He lazily swirls the coffee, the ice cubes clinking together. Mocking her. She clenches her jaw, fighting the growing urge to snatch the bitter drink and dump it down the sink. The liquid is so dark that she almost gags, picturing what it must taste like. Bitter. Tangy. Vile. It’s the same color as his hair— brown but practically black. Unlike his hair, though, she doesn’t want to be anywhere near that coffee. He needs something warm. Something soft.

Something like her—

“You sure?” Bucky’s voice is mocking too but lacking the ice— the bitterness— his mocking is sweet.

He’s tilting his head now, his black and gold hand settling on the table between them, glinting in the dregs of sunlight starting to break past the curtain. To think yesterday she had been afraid to meet his gaze— afraid of her own feet creaking against the hardwood and of messing up his lunch. Now look at her, less than twenty-four hours later and she can’t look away from him. She doesn’t want to look away. Forget about being afraid to burn the grilled-cheese— she’s about to spartan kick the glass off the table if he takes one more sip.

“Oh I’m sure.” She simpers, fingers curling a touch tighter around her mug. “Why, is there something you would like to say, Bucky?”

His eyes sparkle, not backing down from the challenge. “Nothing at all.”

In that moment— in the one, two, three moments that it takes for his head to slope to the other side, still tilted but somehow more taunting— it’s almost impossible to hold in the scowl threatening her lips. “I see.”

She doesn’t know what she’s expecting but it certainly isn’t Bucky’s laugh— loud and raspy and rushing over her in a tidal wave of energy stronger than the caffeine on her tongue— as he throws his head back. He had laughed yesterday but it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t so pure. It’s all she can do to hold her breath as his eyes flutter closed, creasing at the corners, and wonder if she looks that wonderful when she laughs too. If she, too, looks like an angel falling from the sun, burning in the inkling of light the curtain allows. Does the kitchen haze halo around her hair as well? Does it make it look like her skin is gold— the same way he looks like a statue, sculpted and frozen from precious metal?

There’s just no way.

“You look like you wanna’ leap across the table—” his hand presses against his mouth, flesh fingers closed in a fist as his shoulders shake— “why— why do you look so determined? C’mon, fill me in please— I’m—” he has to pause, laugh turning silent from the force of it— “I’m dyin’ here.”

Her own laughs come in short huffs, airy and just barely making a noise. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep finally getting her— that would explain both of their laughs actually. She hasn’t felt giddy in months. It kind of hurts, how hard her stomach contracts upon seeing his eyes blinking at her, bright blue and glassy, swallowing his chuckles the same way she gasps for the breath needed to answer him.

She finally caves, finger pointing to the glass in front of him and a smile so wide on her lips that her cheeks hurt. “There’s just no way that tastes good.”

He glances down, looking at his offensive beverage, before looking back up, his eyes brighter than she’s yet to have seen them. “That’s what this is about? My coffee? I knew it.”

Nodding, she lifts her own mug, tilting it just enough for him to see the contents. “This is coffee— not that sludge. That cold sludge. Is there any sugar in there? Like, even one grain?”

“Quit bein’ dramatic—” he snorts— apparently the big bad bodyguard snorts— and it’s cuter than she would like to admit— “just because I don’t load my coffee with additives. S’there even any coffee in yours, doll? It looks more like milk if you ask me.”

Her face flushes hot and she doesn’t know if it’s from the nickname or the fact that he just called her out— so what if she likes sugar and cream?

She meets his smug gaze with her own, narrowed-eyed glance. “Sugar and cream aren’t additives, Bucky— they’re good.”

“But not good for you.” He counters, dark brows quirking.

She scoffs— scoff, swoon, same thing— “Not everything has to be a superfood to be healthy— at least mine isn’t iced.”

Bucky’s eyes glint upon hearing that, picking up his glass and swirling the ice cubes once more before taking a long sip. His eyes never leave hers as he peers over the rim, taking his sweet time to down the liquid. Does he know that even when he’s being arrogant he looks like an angel? Her hand curls tighter around her mug, testing the durability of the ceramic as his throat bobs again. Her palm stings in warning— a little hey maybe you should let go. She doesn’t— somehow shattering the mug seems like a better option than breaking her composure.

Her grip loosens a fraction when he finally sets his glass back down. “What’s wrong with iced coffee— isn’t it a California staple?”

“Not before eight it isn’t.”

“It’s refreshing.” He deadpans.

“It’s cold.” She deadpans back, fingers tapping against her mug— maybe she can hypnotize him into not wanting to finish it. “Californians don’t like the cold. At least not in So-Cal we don’t. Maybe Brooklyn’s different.”

Eyeing his drink, she contemplates the schematics of the mission at hand. It truly doesn’t seem that difficult. She could just reach over and grab it and he wouldn’t even see it coming. He’s already distracted, right? She stops tapping, casually— well, as casual as one can be when actually trying to be— laying her palm on the table. His eyes, thankfully, stay glued to her own, lips parting with a huff.

“New Yorkers just want coffee, no time for all that fancy stuff.”

“Oh yeah?” She drawls. “What does fancy stuff entail exactly?”

She can only hope that her voice sounds interested— her eyes are still locked on his but her attention is entirely elsewhere. She needs to keep him talking— to keep him distracted. His huffs as she crawls her fingers closer, drawing his focus to her shrug, making sure he never glances away. This is too easy.

“All that cappuccino, frappuccino, whatever the hell it’s called nowadays—”

This time she huffs. “Is that what you think we drink?”

She inches her palm even closer to his glass—

“I know it’s what you drin— Hey!” Bucky laughs again, tugging his glass towards him with a cheshire grin— okay so maybe he would see it coming— “keep your hands where I can see them—”

Whatever he says next falls deaf into the space between them, cut off by the sudden rushing of blood in her ears. It’s like his words hit a barrier between them, one hastily constructed of thin glass and terror. Every thought of coffee rushes out of her mind in an instant. She blinks, mouth going dry, heart stopping. A switch flips inside her— keep your hands where I can see them or what?

What did he hear?

He must have heard something.

Why can’t she hear him?

She can see him— see the way his lips form around his sentence, his smile starting to wane but still slightly holding in place— but she can’t hear him. She can see the way his laugh drops but she can’t hear the explosion of it hitting the table. She can only perceive the collision in the fall of his lips, echoed in the creasing of his brows. Her hands catch in mid air, hitting the glass as well— she can’t save it. Him. She’s trying— instinctively reaching for him— but she can’t pull the smile back up or smooth the lines on his forehead. She’s helpless— useless.

He knows— he must know.

What did she say last night?

Why can’t she break the glass?

The wall is too much.

She tries to tell Bucky— I’m so scared I can’t breathe— but when her gaze snaps to his none of the blue that she’s been memorizing for the last day is visible. There’s only blackness— blackness in the now dimming light of the bright room and blackness in his eyes, even the whites, and blackness in her own vision as she, too, drops. One minute she’s there, sitting at the table, watching the confusion pool into his features that were only seconds ago coated in mirth, and then next she’s back. She’s dreaming. She’s in the house that haunts her every night.

She’s not asleep but—

She’s in the coat closet of her parent’s home. It still smells the way she remembers— like sunscreen and lemon Pine-Sol. Her mother uses it to keep the wooden fixtures around the house oiled. Apparently that’s a thing. She’s never really understood why but at least it smells nice— like sunshine and laughter and her mother. Like her home. She doesn’t understand but, regardless, any other time she would be closing her eyes and drawing in as much of the citrus as possible, too content to be confused.

Not today, though— she’s too excited to do any such thing today.

She hasn’t told anyone that she’s coming home for the weekend; she wants it to be a surprise. Her brother always surprises her. His birthday is just around the corner and for once she wants to be the one to do the surprising. Hell, she even bought a cake with an inscription— the very same cake that’s nestled next to her feet as she rummages through the shelves. Happy 29th Birthday! She has a whole plan in place. Have Susan drop her off while her family is out and set up the celebration before they return. It isn’t a hard plan. It’s supposed to be simple— not hard and very simple.

And then the door opens.

Not the closet door but the front door. She hears the familiar tread of her family— her mother’s eco-friendly slip-ons and her fathers clunky, also eco-friendly, sandals, followed by the heavy thudding of her brother’s combat boots. Despite her mother’s pleading— and the fact that he hasn’t been deployed in over a year— he still wears them religiously. Still, her interest peaks— it doesn’t make sense. The only time he doesn’t wear them is when he goes to the beach and she could have sworn one of them had sent her a text earlier today asking if she had wanted to go with them—

“Keep your hands where I can see them, you hear me!”

She freezes, hands clamping around the towel in her grasp as she whirls around and squints through the grate in the closet door. She can’t make out everything in front of her but she can make out enough to know that something isn’t right. There are four people standing in the foyer. Not three— not just her mother, brother, and father— but four. She sees her mother shoved behind her father, his arm curled around her hip, and her brother, his hands held out in front of him towards the fourth person. His face, while slightly distorted from the grate, is terrified. Him— the man who’s faced the worst of the war— terrified.

Something is terribly wrong.

She pushes her gaze to the fourth figure, trying desperately to understand what’s happening. Dressed in all black, their back towards her, there isn’t much to go off of. Their stance is rigid, steps heavy as they slam the front door and lock it. Is her family being robbed? Is that what this is? She knows they’re well off— more than that. She knows her family is rich. But her neighbourhood is guarded— enclosed. She’s never heard of something like this happening—

She bites back a scream as the person shouts at her family, voice staticy as it crackles through what sounds like a modifier. “On your knees— now!”

Her mother’s cry rings through the air, piercing her chest like a bullet. She wants to scream too but something inside her catches the sound before she can. Maybe it’s common sense— her street smarts coming out to play for once in her life. Maybe it’s fear— the scream dissipating into a barely audible huff of air as she watches her brother sink wordlessly to the floor. Solidarity, perhaps. Maybe, though, it's the slab of iron in the person’s hand, pressed against her father’s head and winking at her in the bright foyer light.

A gun— whoever is in her home has a gun and is pointing it at her family.

“Please don’t hurt my family—” it’s her father this time, his hands in the air and voice deadly calm— how he manages that she has no idea— “I’ll give you whatever you want. Money, jewelry, whatever you want, it’s yours— just please don’t hurt them.”

It’s surreal— she’s heard that phrase in movies and shows— hell, she heard it in a theatre production one time— a macabre commentary about something she couldn’t remember if her life depended on it— does her life depend on it right now?— of course it doesn’t snap out of it y/n! She’s losing her mind, her throat is burning and her palms are starting to sting— the point is she never thought she would hear those words said aloud. She certainly never thought they would come from her own father as he covers her mother’s body with his own.

“I don’t want your money!” The intruder growls, their voice so low and grainy that she almost doesn’t understand.

What she does understand is the sharp click of the gun’s safety being released— she understands the way the muscles in her body tense all at once. In that moment the unthinkable happens—

She drops the towel.

It doesn’t make much of a sound at all, only a small thud as it falls, but it’s enough to make her jolt backwards, foot landing heavy in her brother’s cake. The heady scent of the cream-cheese icing melds with the Pine-Sol and she has to swallow the vomit that rises in her throat, not daring to lift her foot let alone move an inch as the hulking figure rises.

They spin around quickly, facing the closet with a covered face and squinted black eyes, and her heart stops dead in her chest. Can they see her? Do they know she’s in there? She had made a beeline for the closet when Susan dropped her off, not bothering to stop long enough to kick her shoes off until inside the small space. She hasn’t even turned the light on— there’s been enough pouring in through the grate to do without. Perhaps there’s a chance they don’t know she’s here.

She holds her breath as the figure steps forward, arms pressed tightly to her chest. Whoever it is get’s so close to the grate that for a moment she can’t see her family at all. It’s only a few seconds before they turn away— logically it can’t be more or else she’d be gasping for air— but it feels like a lifetime, her toes curling in the red-velvet and a steady bead of sweat rolling down the back of her neck. She prays the entire time— she doesn’t know to who— she doesn’t know if she’s being heard— but she prays.

And the figure turns around.

Her hands fly to her jeans immediately, frantically pressing against the material but coming away empty. Fuck— where the hell is her cellphone? She could have sworn it was in her pocket! She wracks her brain, trying to think of where it could be. She hadn’t brought her purse or a coat— why would she, she was only going home. She has both of those things in her bedroom upstairs. She had just slipped her debit card into her phone case and ran to meet Susan—

Fuck— no, no, no!

An image of Susan’s console jumps into her mind, her phone sitting in the cupholder, forgotten as she animatedly waves her hands around. She can’t even remember the story she’d been telling now. It was nothing important— now she knows that. Nothing important enough to warrant forgetting her phone. She never forgets her phone.

She sees movement from the corner of her eye and her gaze darts to her mother whose head is now turned towards the closet, her eyes— the very eyes she’s spent years wishing she could have inherited instead of her father’s because they’re just so lovely— locked on hers. They pierce through the thin opening, softening a fraction, and her heart jumps, restarting.

She sees her.

She knows— her mother knows that she’s there. She’s watching and she knows. It’s both relieving and terrifying, knowing that she isn’t alone but also what would happen if she’s caught. Y/n’s lips peel open instinctively and, ever her persistent mother, she shakes her head. It takes everything in her to not call out for her— to not burst through the closet doors and rush into her arms. But her mother’s instincts have always been better than her own.

So she doesn’t speak— doesn’t move— she just watches.

It all happens so fast— the time it would take someone to blink is the time it takes to watch everything she’s ever known crumble.

She watches as the intruder turns, deciding that the closet is empty and that there are more important matters. Matters meaning her family. Matters meaning the gun in their hand.

She watches as her brother lunges forward, his arms wrapping around the intruder and bringing them both to the ground with a thud that threatens to bring the entire house down around them. It all happens in slow motion— yet another thing she never thought she would experience off the big screen. They roll around for a moment, battling for control. For that moment her chest sags— he’s going to win. He’s a trained soldier and he’s strong and his birthday is in three days. He has to win.

But then a gunshot rings through the air and a cloud of smoke erupts from between their bodies.

And one of them slumps but it isn’t the one in the mask.

It smells like fireworks, the gunpowder. Like the fourth of July or labor day weekend. Like she should be celebrating with the neighborhood and not pressing her fist against her mouth, helpless as her brother’s body caves in on itself. She doesn’t even get time to process the crimson pooling from the corner of his mouth as his head slots towards her before the intruder is back on their feet.

She watches as the monster aims the gun again— matters being dealt with— and she watches as her mother nods ever so slightly, her mouth just barely forming one last ‘I love you’— different matters but she would later come to find that they were also being closed. Her mother has never been one to leave things unresolved.

The second gunshot doesn’t smell like fireworks— it smells like lemon Pine-Sol.

It smells like blood.

No, she’s not asleep but she’s definitely not awake.

In hindsight maybe she should have taken that breath. She would have, had she known. Hindsight is funny like that. No. Funny is the wrong word. Hindsight is cruel like that. Better. It makes her wish that she had just closed her eyes— that she smelled the lemon oil one last time before it mingled with the metal of her family’s death. In hindsight she wouldn’t have left her phone in Susan’s car. Or dropped the towel. Or said no to the beach. Or any other thing that led her to stand in the coat closet. And those are just the things she wouldn’t do.

She still can’t think about the things she would do— not without bile rushing into her mouth.

Bucky clears his throat and— like the towel— the mug almost slips from her fingers.

“You sure you don’t want to talk ‘bout it?” His voice is gentle— well, as gentle as she’s sure he can make it— and that’s all she needs to understand that he really has no idea as to what’s going on in her head.

Surely if he did then he wouldn’t be gazing at her with that look in his eyes.

Shrugging, she keeps her attention focused on her mug— the coffee doesn’t look nearly as appetizing as it had before. She raises it anyway, her lips sealing around the porcelain and pulling in another mouthful of the liquid. Somehow, despite the steam that had been rising from it only minutes ago, it’s ice cold now. She grimaces but swallows it anyway, if only to buy herself a few seconds to think of a suitable answer. Maybe that’s why Bucky drinks it too— as a distraction. As a guise.

The mug thunks off the table when she sets it down, her hand landing much heavier than she intends. Of course it does— gods can she ever do anything normally? She winces, passing him a look she hopes conveys that it was an accident. She doesn’t want him to think she’s angry with him. Not when it feels like he’s the only person she isn’t mad at. These days that’s hard to come by. Thankfully his blue eyes remain soft. Maybe he gets it.

“I, uh—” she twists her fingers together, dropping her gaze to his cheek— this isn’t the kind of thing you say while looking someone in the eye. Maybe she’s just a coward, though— “I had a dream. Erm— about that night. A memory. Kind of.”

Her voice cracks and she swallows, trailing off. She didn’t mean to say the last part but it’s like it forced itself past her lips, her psyche unable— unwilling— to withhold the truth from him. Well, not all of it at least.

It’s not the whole story. It’s not even close. What she doesn’t say is that it’s her fault. All of it. That if she had just acted— if she had done anything at all worth something then she would still have her parents. Her brother. That she may as well have killed them herself because she sure as hell didn’t do anything to stop it. She doesn’t tell him that she’s nothing but a scared, stupid girl who— when it came down to it— froze. A monster— The Queen of Death.

Aren’t queens supposed to save the people they care about?

“A memory?” He sounds confused but all she can see is the grain of the table, her eyes now refusing to look at even his skin.

It’s all she can do to play off the way her chin drops— the way the air gets sucked out of her lungs— as a nod. “Yeah.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything in return and she’s not about to pick her chin up from her chest to demand an answer. She likes him. She doesn’t exactly want him to know she’s a killer. Well, more so than he already does. He’s here, though, so it’s not like he doesn’t know that the people closest to her always end up dead. Mother, father, brother— dead, dead, dead. He just doesn’t know the extent of it— or that she’s the harbinger.

That there’s a little part of her that wonders if he’s going to end up dead too just for sitting across from her.

Would she save him or would she only watch from the closet as his body caved to the floor?

Bucky hums softly— reverently— and she remembers the way his skin had glowed only minutes ago— Icarus meeting the sun— and the way he had laughed— Icarus humming his praise to the sun— and she feels like she’s been submerged in ice.

Icarus falling.

What happens when Icarus hits the ocean? Will it smell like lemon Pine-Sol?

Nevermind, she doesn’t want to know the answer.

Bile pools over her tongue and she swallows it as a tapping sound catches her attention in the stillness, her eyes darting to the cause. Sparkling metal— his fingers. The gold gleams even more now that the sun has risen higher. It’s not raining today— was it raining the day Icarus fell? She can’t tear her gaze away from his metal digits as they thrum a beat against the table, the steady motion mesmerizing. It’s not raining but his fingers could fool her. It’s nothing dramatic— nothing harsh. Just the tap, tap, tap of his index and middle fingers, a little heavier than had it been his flesh hand.

It’s a normal motion— she misses normal.

Tap, tap, tap.

She misses the rain.

It hits her like a truck how much she longs for the grey haze of yesterday’s sky. The sun is too bright— her skin is too exposed. It feels like it’s beaming right through her hoodie, cutting through the heavy fabric and burning the flesh from her bones just to prove that they’re not the ivory they should be but rather charred and black. It feels like the sun is out for her blood— out to watch the citrus ichor drip from her veins through the veiled window. If her feet weren’t rooted to the floor, her toes digging painfully into the harwood, she’s sure she would be sinking below the table to escape the rays. She can’t breathe— her mouth tastes like acid. Like lemons.

She misses the rain.

Tap, tap, tap— it’s not the rain but surely it’s close enough, right?

Icarus would think it’s enough, right?

So why does it make her shoulders tense?

“A memory.” Bucky breaks the silence, repeating his words but this time they aren’t a question— not yet. “What d’you mea—” he stops, sentence dropping before picking up on a new, clearer note— “You were there?”

Maybe because it’s the sound of the puzzle pieces clicking together in his head.

It’s not an accusation— there’s no charge in his tone— but still she flinches, hands pressed together at the wrists, fingers tangled together, guilty. She’s yet to confess but she’s already been caught— she can feel it— red handed in red velvet and wondering if— when she glances past the table— she’ll see her foot still smeared in the cream cheese icing. She had stood in it for so long that she wouldn’t doubt it. It’s a part of her now.

She nods, not trusting her voice. Not trusting herself to not reveal more than she already has. She isn’t being accused but her heart is pounding so hard that she feels like she’s in the interrogation room again. She wiggles her toes— are they sticky or is she just imagining it? Her shoulders burn where the sun has managed to cut through the crack in the curtain. She misses the rain.

Tap, tap, ta— his fingers stop.

Her eyes dart back to his metal hand, the black and gold frozen mid tap.

“Holy shit—” there’s a pause, his fingers flex before straightening, flattening against the table before— “they didn’t tell me that.”

Bucky’s voice is so low that she almost doesn’t hear it— she probably wasn’t supposed to. She has to force herself to keep her gaze leveled below his, her voice steady despite the fact that she’s almost certain the sun has seared through her vocal cords. Her throat burns. Maybe he wasn’t so far off with the iced coffee after all. She wouldn’t mind it right now.

“I wasn’t sure if they would.” She croaks and then winces, swallowing before her throat can close on it’s own— she needs at least the semblance of control.

It’s the truth— she didn’t know. It would have made sense to tell him, though. It would have been polite, at the very least. She’s damaged, they should have told him. Watch out. They should have given him the papers— the records of the month she spent in a hospital bed. They should have told him. Maybe they were trying to help her— maybe they were trying to save him. But they should have warned him regardless.

She’s unstable; she’s liable to shut down in the worst moments.

She doesn’t sleep at night; she just screams and screams and screams.

She’s deadly; she won’t help you, Icarus.

His fingers start again but this time it sounds less like rain.

Tap, tap, tap. Mother, father, brother.

“They should have.” Bucky grinds out, voice thick— angry? “They should have told me.”

Is he angry with her? She squeezes her hands together tighter, her nails digging into her knuckles. Please no. She shouldn’t have said anything— she should have kept her mouth shut. Isn’t that supposed to be the one thing she’s good at? Not speaking out? Not talking? The thought of the dark haired man being angry at her is like poison in her blood. The tension rolls over her bones in a heavy wave, settling like a blanket, suffocating her.

She can’t breathe.

She needs to breathe.

“I know—” she pushes through her teeth, voice finally cracking— “I’m sorry.”

She doesn’t know who she’s apologizing to— Bucky already told her not to apologize to him. She can’t help it though, the words are always on her tongue. Always haunting her.

I’m sorry I didn’t go to the beach— I know I missed a lot of family trips last year.

I’m sorry I left my phone in Susan’s car— I know you’re always telling me how forgetful I am.

I’m sorry I missed your birthday— I just wanted it to be a surprise.

Her skin itches, toes curling against the hardwood and the icing. It hurts. Everything hurts. The sun— the Pine-Sol. The sticky tinge to her skin where the blood had spattered through the grate. She needs out.

Tap, tap, tap. Mother, father, brother. Dead, dead, de— if she doesn’t get out of here right now there’s a good chance she’s going to explode.

“Do— ah— do you think maybe it would be okay to get some fresh air?”

Tag List: @xhollycowx @remembered-license @dumble-daddy @hellotvshowtrash @thesummerbucky @elijahs-wife @cari1bunny @im-just-star-dust @motherofallthesmallthings​ @hazardoushallucination​ @em-august @nuttytani @brown-eyed-babes

[kindahoping4forever]

Wanna Know That Body Like It’s Mine // Calum Hood

@cal-puddies​​​ and I once again cannot thank you all enough for clowning with us during another Hoe Hours weekend! If you haven’t yet, be sure and check out Cass’s Cal fic from yesterday (I Love The Sound, I Love The Taste) and my Ash fic (Fight So Dirty) that kicked off the event. (In addition to the bonus Cal blurb - What’s Mine Is Yours - we couldn’t help but co-write because again, we’re clowns.)

We’ve been hyped on this piece for a while - it was requested by an anon (and specifically requested we co-write, which warmed our hearts) about a month ago and while there were stops and starts, we’ve basically been working on it ever since (I swear Cass had sent me a shared doc within seconds of me sharing the request lol). We can’t wait to hear what you think so please blow up both of our inboxes!

Warnings: Boyfriend!Cal. So much smut but an equal amount of feelings. Unprotected sex in an established relationship, oral and manual stimulation of both a male and a female, semi-public sexual encounter, sex toys, rimming, pegging.

Word Count: 11,384

Cass & Crystal’s Masterlist  // Hoe Hours Masterlist

Crystal: Taglist // Ko-Fi          Cass: Taglist // Ko-Fi

Let  us  know  what  you  think!

————-

“Hey babe!” Calum calls out, letting himself in to your apartment.

He’s greeted by a fit of giggles followed by an apologetic “Sorry, Cal, we’re almost done.”

“That’s OK, pretty girl, I’m early.” He walks by the living room, offering a quick ‘hey’ to you and the friend you’re visiting with and then helps himself to your kitchen. He gets himself some water and finds something to munch on, leaning against the counter and absentmindedly scrolls his phone while he waits.

He respects your privacy so he does his best to tune out what he can hear of your conversation but he can’t help the way his ears perk up when he hears your friend use the term “pegging.” He can’t hear much beyond that and he makes a note to ask you about it later.

She leaves shortly after and you pop your head into the kitchen on your way to change into your date night outfit. “Ready in 10,” you announce.

“No rush, baby, take all the time you need,” he reassures you, still scrolling his phone.

You sidle up next to him. “Of course you say that, you’re in here spoiling your dinner,” you tease, dipping your hand into the box of crackers he’d selected and shoveling a few into your mouth.

He takes a breath to defend himself but is stopped when you slide a few crackers into his open mouth; he chuckles and presses a crummy kiss to your lips and swats at you as you leave the room.

Date night is a success: you and Calum treat yourselves to a great dinner and even greater sex. You’re cuddling in bed afterwards, talking about whatever comes to mind. There’s a brief lull in the conversation and then he asks you how your afternoon visit went.

“Oh, it was entertaining as always, you know she’s always got a story,” you laugh.

“Sounded like, you girls were really getting into it when I showed up,” he teases, kissing the top of your head as you lay on his chest. He waits a beat then continues, “Did I overhear something about pegging? I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I was digging through the fridge and that’s the type of thing that kinda grabs the attention.”

You nod and smile against his skin. “Yeah, she was saying they’d been talking about it for a while and then he whisked her away on this big trip for her birthday last month, surprised her with all the gear and they finally did it.”

His curiosity is piqued so after about 30 seconds, when it seems like you’re not going to continue the conversation, he boldly presses, “And?”

Unfazed, you reply, “And? They loved it. Said it made her feel powerful, he came harder than she’d ever seen. Super hot, brought them closer together, all that stuff.”

“Huh,” Calum comments noncommittally. There’s another short hanging silence and then he asks, “You ever thought about that?”

“Pegging? Um... you know, it’s not really something that’s crossed my mind.” You kinda shrug and turn your head up to look at his face. “Is it something you want me to think about?”

“Maybe… I don’t know,” he ponders out loud. “I don’t think I’d be opposed... I mean, you let me do that to you.”

“Well, it was a lot of work to get me to be able to take you that way,” you remind him.

“And I think it was worth it. And you don’t seem to complain about it,” he playfully argues.

You smirk at him, “There’s nothing to complain about. I do like it, that’s why we keep doing it.”

“You make valid points,” he grins. He watches you yawn and then kisses your nose. “Get some sleep, love.”

The subject doesn’t come up again over the next few days and you think nothing of it when you receive a text from Cal asking if you want to visit the sex shop. You both enjoy incorporating toys into your sex regularly and you hadn’t treated yourselves in a while, so you respond that it’s a great idea.

You walk hand in hand into the shop and then Cal kisses your cheek and you break off to look at different things. You browse for a while and then decide to find him and see if he had anything particular in mind for this trip.

You find him in front of the wall of strap ons, harnesses and dildos and he’s looking more than a little wide-eyed.

“Hey handsome, what’d you find?” You ask, curiously peering in the direction of his eyeline.

He leans in and admits in a low voice, “After our talk the other night... I just keep thinking about it.”

“Oh... OK,” you reply, rubbing his back gently. You’re a bit surprised but immediately supportive. “So... what are we looking for?” You gesture towards the wall.

You watch as he opens his mouth a couple times to answer and then he just shuts it and walks forward, looking closer at different toys. You can immediately sense he’s overwhelmed by the choices.

You link your arm in his and press a peck to his shoulder. “I know it looks like a lot but you’ve helped me pick out toys before so you’re not totally in the dark here,” you point out. “It would just be... you know, for you this time.”

“I think that’s the intimidating part,” he comments, chewing his lip. “I don’t want to pick wrong and not enjoy it and mess up something that’s supposed to be fun for us.”

You rub his arm tenderly. “Cal, we’re talking about us, we always have fun trying things. So you don’t need to worry about that,” you say firmly, hoping your confidence will provide comfort to him. “If you want to do this, the important thing is that you’re comfortable and figuring out what you want is the first step.”

He nods and scans the wall again, taking a deep breath. “The flesh colored ones are a lot,” he says quietly. “We should get a fun color.” You smile agreeably.

“I’m not ready for balls. Just a cock,” he states, almost under his breath. You bite your lip in amusement, not wanting to discourage him.

“This is good, bubba, you’re narrowing it down,” you encourage him.

An employee sets up a ladder to the left of you to get a toy down for another couple and you see Calum’s eyes repeatedly darting over there; you’re not sure if it’s out of embarrassment at his uncertainty or curiosity in what they’ve selected.

You give him another couple minutes but he’s gone quiet and you decide to step in. “Maybe it would help if we went home and talked about it? You can look at some of my toys, feel the different textures… we can look online and filter things down?” You gently suggest. “This was a good start but it might be easier to make a decision without the pressure of being in a store.”

He exhales, you assume in relief, and puts his arm around you. “Sounds good, baby,” he agrees. You expect him to lead you out of the store but instead he walks you over to the furthest corner of the intimidating wall. “Wanted to show you this, thought it suited you for some reason.”

He points at a box containing a chic-looking red and black harness; it’s a similar style to lingerie he’s picked out for you before, with fancy lacing details over the hips and ass. Of course even when planning a sexual encounter that he’s requested, he would think of you first. You grin at him. “I love it, we should get it,” you declare.

“Yeah?” He beams excitedly, picking up the box. “It caught my eye and I couldn’t get the thought of you in it out of my mind. It says it’s adjustable for most toys and it’s crotchless.” He winks at the last part and you giggle, taking the box from him and heading to the counter.

You leave the store on a high and Cal seems really into it for a few days; next time he’s over at yours, he even asks to have a look at your toys. He feels them, wanting to understand the weight and the girth.

“I have to applaud you,” he comments, sitting on your bed, studying your collection.

“For what, bub?” You casually reply, laying on the bed, watching him.

His eyes widen as he gestures at the various shapes and sizes in front of him. “You take all of this so well… and I think about you taking my cock and… holy shit, babe, that’s not easy.”

“Well… thank you, baby,” you chuckle. “But also, we probably won’t use anything similar to your cock for you just yet,” you wink.

And then it’s forgotten. Days pass without Calum bringing it up and you don’t feel like you should, since it’s something he instigated and you don’t want to make him feel pressured.

“It’s totally fine if you’ve changed your mind on the pegging thing,” you casually say one night, sitting on the kitchen counter while he loads the dishwasher. “I just want to make sure you’re not avoiding talking to me about it because you’re afraid to.”

“Hmm?” He looks up at you. “I guess I wasn’t sure how you felt about it,” he shrugs.

“I think it’d be fucking hot, Cal, but we’re not doing it for me,” you explain. “I’m not the one who needs to make the decision here. But for the record, if you want it, I’ll be happy to do it.”

“Well then,” he smirks. “I’m about done here. Let’s go look for some toys.”

Moments later, you’re on the couch; you sit on Cal’s lap and his computer sits on yours. You pull up a couple different sites and start filtering.

“OK, so what do you think about firmness?” He gives you a questioning look in response. You smile softly. “OK so my pink one and the like, kind of clear one? Those were super soft right?” He nods. “So we’re gonna want something firmer than that. But we probably don’t want anything too hard either.”

“Right, so like a medium then?” He reaches around you to reach the touchpad, scrolling the page. “Which of these do you use?”

“Mmm, don’t have toys for my ass.” You reach down and wrap your hand around his cock through his shorts. “Only this guy and the plugs we bought.”

“Someone’s frisky,” he comments, eyes turning back to the screen.

You filter the pages, pointing out a few options, clicking across a few different sites but still haven’t removed your hand from his crotch. He lets out a loud breath through his nose. “You OK baby?” You ask sweetly.

“Yeah, I’m great. Got a pretty girl on my lap, just barely giving me a hand job through my shorts, looking at cocks to fuck me with,” he shrugs. “All while we’re sat in the living room; just a normal day.”

“Oh, if the location is an issue, we can take this to the bedroom,” you offer with a laugh.

Calum shakes his head. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you?”

You turn and look him directly in the eye. “Well, I know one way you could find out for sure,” you lilt, spreading your legs a little.

“You act like I won’t,” he teases. He sticks his hand down the front of your shorts, slicking his fingers through your folds. He pulls his hand out and lifts his fingers to his mouth. “Yeah… we’re gonna wrap this up in the bedroom,” he announces.

He leads you to the bedroom and sits up on the bed, gesturing for you to sit up against him. You fit yourself in between his legs and pull the computer into your lap. “Let’s finish this up,” you murmur, looking back at him.

He agrees and you go back to searching, though every so often you shift your hips just so to hear him gasp. He points out some choices that he likes and you go find your soft tape measure to make sure he understands the girth of the cocks he’s picking. You instruct him to measure a few of your toys but “for reference” he pulls out his own cock to measure and that gets him distracted.

You see him stroking himself out of the corner of your eye but you try to stay focused on your search, opening a few more tabs to show him. You hear the familiar hiss that means he must’ve just thumbed over the head of his cock in a very particular way and you finally have to look up at him.

“What is this, hands on research?” You joke, taking a deep breath to steady yourself at the sight.  

Cal grins, closing the laptop and setting it aside. He grabs your hips to bring you face to face with him. “Think that’s enough for today,” he says deeply, nipping at your neck. “I need you.”

“I mean, it seemed like you were doing OK on your own,” you breathe as you reach for his hard cock, lightly running your fingers up the shaft.

Suddenly his mouth is on yours, kissing you with an intensity you don’t quite recognize. Melting into the kiss, your hands race his as you rid each other of your clothing and within moments you’re sitting in his lap, positioned above him, teasing his cock with your wetness.

He’s torn between wanting to whine at your teasing and wanting to tease you for being just as affected by the situation as he was so he splits the difference and moans as he grabs your hips and thrusts up into you.

You start to ride Calum at a fairly steady pace but he’s clearly determined to get you both off and get you both off fast; his hands are seemingly glued to your hips and he bounces you up and down on his cock, meeting your every movement with his own.

Neither of you say anything, letting your noises speak for you. He only lets go of you when he sees you biting your lip as you try to find the right friction; he moves one hand to grab your ass and the other he slips between your legs to find your clit.

It only takes a couple minutes from there for you both to finish in a flurry of noises. He keeps you in his lap for a moment, as you both come down. “See, pegging is already doing wonders for our sex life,” he quietly jokes, kissing your face.

The next day, you come over after work; you let yourself in and find Calum on the bed, with the websites already pulled up for you to browse together.

“I’ve been doing some thinking,” he announces as you sit next to him.

“Thinking’s good,” you chirp, kissing his cheek before resting your head on his shoulder.

“I know we didn’t find exactly what I wanted but we were only looking in the dildo section, since we already bought you that badass harness you’re gonna look so hot in,” he excitedly rambles. “SO, out of curiosity, I clicked on some of their kits and I think they could work for us.”

He clicks through a number of tabs on his browser, searching for what he wants to show you and explaining his findings to you. You’re honestly impressed by the amount of research he’s done on his own; it makes you feel good to know he’s decided to take an active role in this process, it lets you know he’s serious about it. It also makes you irredeemably horny to know he’s been sitting here alone, spending what looks like a considerable amount of time contemplating what the perfect kind of cock is for you to fuck him with. You press your legs together and try to listen to what he’s saying.

“...It comes with different sizes so that gives us some leeway on that decision - they’re all cute colors, no balls. And it says they all have the flared base so we can use our harness instead of the one it comes with,” he reports, scrolling through the website’s pictures for you to see.

He’s right; the set he’s found ticks basically every box on your shopping list. You can see why it would catch his eye: it’s equal parts arousing and unintimidating, made for a beginner like him. “Cal, this looks great,” you enthuse, reaching over to add the set to your cart. “You’re better at this than even I am, I don’t think I’ve ever picked out a toy this fast.”

“I don’t know about that,” he preens a little at your praise. “I just clicked around and once I saw this one, I started picturing you with it and… I think it’s a good choice.” His voice catches slightly and he clears it, pointing to the moderately sized royal blue dildo.

Again, your entire body feels charged thinking about Calum thinking about you, wanting you like this. You begin pressing wet kisses along his jaw and he chuckles at your eagerness. “Got a couple other things I think we should shop for, pretty girl,” he smirks, seeing you pout in his periphery.

“Oh? Let me see,” you reply, moving to snatch the computer away from him. You giggle as Cal anticipates your move and sits it beside him on the bed so he can continue searching. You sit up on your knees and continue mouthing at his jaw, neck and ears, your hands lightly moving over his chest. You take note of the way his sweatpants are beginning to tent.

“Baby,” he breathes. “I wanna show you this set of plugs… might be a good idea… we didn’t go right into having you take my cock… worked up to it.” His breathing increases every few words and you know you’ve got him when you thumb over his hardened nipple through his shirt and he shudders.

You shake your hand under his shirt to give more direct attention to his nipples while sucking on his neck. “Yeah, Cal... plugs... sounds great,” you murmur.

“What’s got you so needy today, my love?” He chuckles, grabbing the back of your head for a proper kiss.

“Something about you taking such an interest here, making an effort to get it right... I appreciate it," you mumble against his lips before pulling him in for an even deeper kiss.

“Well. Something about you taking that kind of control... seeing you strapped up and wanting me that way...” He groans. “C’mere, darlin.”

He pulls you back onto his lap; you make out hungrily and it's just as intense as the day before but not as frantic. After a few moments, your shirts are discarded and you start slightly grinding in his lap. Cal grips tight onto your hips, pulling you down a little harder. 

“Have you ever experimented before?” You ask, pulling your face away from his to gauge the answer.

Getting him to share isn't always easy so you don't expect him to answer so breezily. "Always wondered what it'd be like, dipped a finger back there a couple times but never really pushed in," he shrugs. "Felt kind of silly doing it myself. And I couldn’t ever imagine someone doing it for me until now." He smiles softly, eyes shining.

Your heart flutters at his honesty. “Should we give it a go then?” You quirk an eyebrow, smiling as well. You feel him tense for a second and you thread your fingers in his hair. “I mean, we should start trying at some point, but we can take it slow,” you explain. He stays quiet and you reassure him, “We don’t have to do this yet if you’re not ready.”

He studies your face for a second and breathes deep. "I want to… think I’m just kind of wrapping my head around it," he admits, furrowing his brow.

You melt at his conflicted expression and kiss him tenderly. "Hey, you don't have to worry, we're in this together, you know?" He nods firmly at your encouragement. "Good... luckily I know by now how to get you to relax," you tease as you kiss down his chest, palming him through his sweatpants.

He lets out a breath through his nose. “Baby.” He’s grinning, you can hear it even with your eyes closed.

You let his cock spring free and you softly kiss the tip before pulling his pants all the way off.

“You trust me, baby boy?” You ask, tugging at the band of his pants.

Cal lifts his hips. “Of course,” he offers without hesitation.

“OK. I’m gonna try something, alright?” You warn, coming back up to pay special attention to his cock.

You hear him murmur his consent as you lick up and down the sides of him and then sink your mouth down, bobbing just enough to get him nice and covered in spit. You pull off and check his face, which is watching you, fascinated; he raises his eyebrows in anticipation for what's to come, given your announcement.

You wrap your hand around his length, slowly tugging it as you mouth his balls. You gently rub your hand up and down the back of his thigh before pushing it up and very gently kissing your way down further. You gently lick over his puckered hole and wait to see how he reacts.

You hear a sharp intake of breath which you expect, what you don't expect is the way he slightly scoots his ass down closer to you. You move your tongue against his opening again, this time adding a couple swirling motions, which earn you some low groans.

You grin to yourself and repeat the action. He wraps his hand around the back of his leg, lifting it for you so you can focus your attention where he really wants it. Calum may be ready for this after all.

There’s a whimper that escapes his lips that lets you know he’s enjoying this more than he was letting on. “Tongue,” is all he says. “So good...”

You let go of his cock and slide both hands up the back of his thighs, pushing them closer to his chest.

“So pretty, babe,” you coo. He’s had you like this many times before and you can see why he likes it, the vulnerability it forces you to share. “Touch your cock,” you direct, going back to tend to his hole.

He seems entranced by the way you're making him feel, a seemingly never-ending gravelly whine pouring from his throat. After a few more flicks of your tongue, you pull back and notice his hands remain clenched at his sides.

"Cal, baby," you lightly tap his thigh. "Stroke yourself for me, handsome, I know you need it."

Calum breaks out of his daze at the sound of your voice and pulls his cock away from his stomach, where it's been laying there leaking.

You go back to work and he wraps a hand around himself; he manages two or three tugs before he lets out a guttural moan and immediately drops his cock again. "Babe... touching feels too good... don't wanna cum yet, want you to keep going," he pants.

“Oh... I’ve got a needy baby boy, huh?” You tease. You let go of his thigh and reach for his abandoned cock, lightly teasing your fingertips over it while you lap at his entrance.

You feel him relax a bit so you start to tease the tip of your tongue inside him, partly for him but mostly so you can hear his neediest whines yet.

Cal whimpers as you cup his balls and run your finger lightly on the underside of his shaft. You can see the precum pooling on his stomach.

He’s mumbling with that rasp that his voice gets only when he's feeling truly wrecked. You place a few sloppy wet kisses to that space between his hole and his balls and he shouts as his whole body jumps.

You pull back to admire him in his debauched state and the cry that leaves his lips confirms what bad shape he’s in. He lets out a breathy, “Baby, why?” followed by a begging, “Please don’t stop.”

“Just wasn’t sure if you were enjoying it,” you tease, diving back in with more enthusiasm and determination than before.

You keep one hand lightly massaging his base and it only takes a few more licks over his opening for you to feel him twitch in your grasp and to hear him groaning. His orgasm is absolutely obscene; his cock spurts rope after rope of cum over his torso, as he whines desperately, still pushing his body closer to you, urging you to keep going.

You give him what he wants and keep flicking your tongue against him over and over with the occasional dip inside until you feel him start to settle down. You move your kisses to his thighs and look up at him again.

"Cal?" You check on him.

His eyes are still screwed shut, his hand now tight around his cock, squeezing the last few drops of cum from his tip. “I’m good baby... so fuckin’ good,” he sighs. His other hand reaches out to you and his body relaxes completely. You’re not sure you’ve ever seen him so wrecked and it makes you want to do this for him even more.

You take his hand and grasp it tightly, coming up to gently stroke his lightly sweat-covered face with your other hand. "Did so good for me, bub, holy shit," you compliment him. "So hot seeing you like that, I could definitely get used to this."

He kisses your hand and then looks down at his cum covered body. “I think I could too,” he laughs euphorically.

The weekend comes and Cal lets himself into your place, as he always does; Duke comes scampering in too.

“Hi love!” You greet the dog, leaning over to pet him.

Cal grins, watching you with Duke.

“Hiya, other love.” You wrap your arms around his neck and stand on your toes to kiss him. “Listen… I went ahead and bought those toys you showed me,” you say nonchalantly as you pull away.

“Oh? Good... I forgot,” he says sheepishly. 

“Look, I haven’t been dating you for this long not to assume you wouldn’t remember after we got high and you buried your face in between my thighs like I was your last meal,” you tease, tapping his shoulder.

“And I’d do it again,” he smirks. “Especially... like… I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about your tongue every day we did that.”

“Oh? Enjoyable for you, handsome?” You chuckle.

“I mean, judging by the amount of cum you cleaned off my stomach, I'd have to say yes,” he says with wide eyes, pulling you back in to him.

It’s only a matter of time before you’re back in the bedroom. Your panties stay on but Calum is completely naked, on his back and holding his thighs up for you again. His breathing is heavy and he’s whimpering as your tongue dances over his hole.

You pull back and peer over at him. “Cal… do you wanna try something?” You ask.

“Yeah, baby, anything you want,” he rushes out.

“Babe, this is about you,” you point out patiently.

“I know… you’re right… I want it, I want it.” It’s almost panicked the way he’s whining.

You run your hands along the sides of his thighs soothingly. You reach over for the small bottle of lube you’d tucked under one of your pillows just in case and coat your fingers with it. You wrap your hand around his cock and slowly touch him, knowing he might need the distraction and then you gently tease a finger against his hole, swirling it, causing him to gasp. You wait until he relaxes and then you squeeze his shaft as you slowly start to push your finger in.

Cal lets out a breathy “Oh” like you’ve never heard and you press a kiss to his leg as you push in a little further. You continue slowly like this for a minute until his breath sputters and you feel him tightening around your finger. You pause and start to pull back but then he emits a deep “Keep going” that you can’t disagree with.

You push your finger in slowly past the resistance and then gently start moving around, looking for that one spot; you’ve done your research so you would know what to expect and what you were looking for.

He practically pries your hand off his cock. “Can’t,” he whines, desperate.

“OK, handsome,” you murmur. You kiss along his thighs and wrap your free hand around one. You work your finger a bit more, watching his body react. When he starts moving back against you, you ask, “Want another?”

“Mmm hmm,” he nods frantically, eyes closed.

You slick a bit more lube onto your second finger and start to work it in as well. “Doing so good for me, baby,” you sigh. You didn’t realize how worked up you had gotten until you hear how breathy your voice comes out. “This is so fucking hot, Cal.”

“Oh god, baby,” he cries, voice straining as your two digits move inside him. You look up at him and he’s looking right back; it’s one of the more intense moments you two have shared. He drops his head to the pillows and you watch his back arch and a slew of curse words spill from his lips. “Right. There,” he huffs.

You gently bite his thigh. “Want to see you cum for me, baby,” you coo, confident in your movements. Almost immediately, his sounds become even breathier and whinier and you see his hand fly to grasp his cock as the cum starts spurting. “There you go, baby boy,” you praise as he desperately bucks his hips. “So good, handsome.”

You pull your fingers out and Calum lays panting for a while, dazed. You press a kiss to each of his knees and move to start cleaning up. His eyes are shut but he feels you moving around the room and he reaches out to touch your arm. “I love you, baby,” he quietly rasps.

The next morning, Cal gets up just after dawn to take Duke out and never returns to bed. You find him at your kitchen table, eating a bowl of oatmeal and writing in his journal.

“Morning, bub,” you yawn, kissing the top of his head as you pass by to make yourself some breakfast. "I was thinking if it's nice out, we might take Duke to the park today?"

He gets up and takes his bowl to the sink. “Oh, uh… I was actually thinking I’d head out pretty soon,” he says apologetically. “I’ve been busy so the house is kind of a mess… there’s actually a lot I should take care of.”

“Oh. OK, yeah,” you shrug. You’re slightly surprised, you thought you were spending the day together but it’s not unlike Cal for him to put vital tasks until the last minute. “Maybe next week.”

The next few days follow a similar pattern. You ask Calum if he wants to grab dinner, he already has plans. He’s “swamped” and has to postpone your movie night. There’s still a “Good morning, pretty girl” text waiting for you when you wake up every day and a “Good night, my love” text that chimes every night when you’re brushing your teeth so you’re not too worried but you can tell something is off.

You get an email that your toy order has shipped and you send a screenshot to Cal, accompanied by the eggplant and dripping emojis. It takes him a while to reply, which is typical, but when he finally does, all you get back is “lol.” You frown. You don’t know how you expected him to respond but it was definitely not “lol.”

Your understanding of the situation starts becoming a bit clearer when you scroll up through your text thread and see that every time you’ve brought up your recent encounters, he’s either changed the subject or given an extremely short, vague response. You exhale slowly. You’re going to have to talk to him.

A hike is the least confrontational activity you can think to suggest and he agrees to meet you at your usual spot with Duke later that afternoon. They find you in the parking lot and you kneel down to show the small dog some love before you give your boyfriend a peck on the cheek.

As you’d hoped, you basically have the trail to yourselves; you walk for a bit, chatting easily about everyday things. You stop for a quick break and you decide to take a deep breath and go for it. “Kinda wanted to talk to you about something, bubba,” you start, hoping you don’t sound as uneasy as you feel.

Cal sits on a nearby bench and scoops Duke up to sit beside him. He doesn’t say anything, just looks at you, brow furrowed, dark eyes squinting in that way he does when he’s really concentrating on what you’re saying.

You sit next to them; you want to look him in the eyes but you’re weirdly nervous so you focus on petting the sweet dog who is also patiently waiting for you to make your case. “I feel like… and I could be totally wrong and please tell me if I am… but I feel like maybe you’ve been avoiding seeing me after you know… the last night we spent together,” you try to put it as delicately as possible. “And it’s fine if you didn’t like it and it’s fine if you want to stop trying the things we’ve been trying but… I need you to talk to me about it, Cal. I shouldn’t have to guess here and I’m feeling really shut out.”

He’s quiet for a minute but you know he’s going to take his time weighing his words and making sure he expresses himself clearly. Finally he quietly says, “You’re right.”

There’s another pause and you hope to ease his mind by cracking, “That’s a good start, babe, but I’m gonna need a little more.”

Calum shakes his head fondly, waits a beat, then lets it all out, both slow and rushed as only he can. “I guess I just didn’t expect… I don’t know, baby, we’ve been together a while and we’ve done a lot of shit but that’s the closest to you I’ve ever felt. Which is good like… I want that. But I just felt really… exposed?” He stares off down the trail for a few seconds, gathering his thoughts. “I’ve just never felt need like that before and I don’t think I was prepared for how it would feel to let you see me like that.”

It takes a minute for him to feel like he can meet your eyes and you can’t help but think it’s for the best, as yours are brimming with tears. You feel so deeply for him in this moment and the love you have for him overwhelms you.

“Baby,” you whisper, reaching your hand over the bench to squeeze his shoulder. “That’s a lot. And I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t talk to me? You didn’t have to deal with all that alone.”

“A bit hard to be open with someone about being embarrassed you were open with them,” he points out with a shrug.

“But Cal, that’s just it! There’s no reason to feel embarrassed, you know there’s no judgement between us, especially in bed,” you firmly insist. “And if you are feeling weird about anything, I need to know. The only way we can continue this is if you talk to me, babe, that’s just the way it’s gotta be.”

Calum nods quietly and sits Duke on his lap so he can pull you closer, placing his arm around you. You rest your head on his shoulder and say, “You have to trust me with this, bub. I’m not gonna feel comfortable doing this unless I know you can communicate with me. How can I be sure you’ll tell me if something doesn’t feel right physically if you feel awkward even telling me that your feelings are off, baby?”

He squeezes your arm. “I can do that,” he promises. “I also think I was a little afraid to make you feel bad about it. I really did like it. And I could tell you did too. It was just the after I had trouble processing.”

You lift your head up and gently turn his face to look at you. “I’ll make you a deal,” you state. “I can definitely step up my aftercare game for you. But for me, Cal, I need once and for all you to understand that this isn’t about me. I know it goes against your instincts and I love that about you but we’re doing this for your pleasure and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Deal. Although… I’m still gonna give you one hell of an orgasm when you do this for me… there’s no talking me out of that,” he smirks, lightening the mood.

You text him later that week to let him know the toys have arrived and his face immediately flashes on your screen.

“Should we get out of town?” He asks.

“We can do whatever you think is gonna be most comfortable for you, bubba,” you affirm. “I figured you’d want to do it at your place because it’s familiar territory and it’s going to be such an unfamiliar experience…”

“I know I agreed that technically this is for me but... I still feel like it’s about us…” He thinks out loud. “I dunno, part of me wants to take you away on this big romantic adventure so we can be alone together. No outside world, just our bubble.”

“I love you, baby. Whatever you want,” you say softly.

And so it’s settled. The next afternoon Calum is waiting for you on your couch when you get home from your half-day at work. He’s already packed a bag for you and he’s raring to go.

You head into your room to change and decide to check what he packed for you. You unzip the bag and to your surprise, it appears he’s thought of just about everything, including his favorite lingerie for you. The harness, the dildo set and the plugs are all accounted for and he’d even remembered your travel bag from the bathroom. You smile at his effort and head back out to him.

“Great pack job, baby, I’m all set!” You toss the bag by the door excitedly.

He grabs your hand as you walk to the door and for some reason it goes straight to your core; you’re not travelling far but you realize the drive is about to feel that much longer.

You haven’t been in the car very long when Cal starts noticing how touchy you’re being with him and about halfway through the trip, he decides to ask. “What’s with you, baby?” He asks, playfully nudging your knee.

“Nothing,” you tease. “I’m just excited! Time alone together? This is rare.”

He glances over at you and gives you a look. “You sure that’s it? Because the way you’re squeezing your thighs tells me you're excited in another way.”

“Honestly, Cal... I’d give anything to ride your face right about now,” you boldly admit and give a cheeky grin when you see his face twitch at your words.

He groans, “The absolute death of me.” Shaking his head, he quietly commands, “Undo your shorts.” You do him one better and push your shorts to the floor.

“Can’t get my mouth right now, but I’m sure my fingers will do,” he mumbles as he very quickly pushes your panties out of the way and slicks his fingers through your folds. “Oh... pretty girl,” he murmurs, pulling his fingers away to suck them into his mouth. You turn your body toward him, resting your back against the door and pulling one leg into the seat with you.

Cal steals a glance and his thumb presses to your clit, causing you to moan.

“You’re so fuckin’ wet, you naughty girl,” he teases, nudging his pointer finger inside you. “Is this how you’re gonna be all weekend?”

“Probably,” you shrug nonchalantly.

“Good,” he responds smugly. “I knew getting away would be the right choice.”

He pushes two fingers in and you grip the seat, letting out a little noise of approval. “Please, Cal!”

He knows he can’t take his eyes off the road no matter how badly he wants to look at you, so he turns down the radio so he can listen to your moans and let his imagination fill in the rest. You resituate and tilt your hips up toward him more. “Rub your clit, baby… want you to cum for me,” he growls.

You bite your lip and do as you’re asked. You moan loudly as he pushes in a third finger and his eyes somehow remain on the road. You let out a little gasp.

Calum can’t help but steal a glance. “Mmm, my pretty girl’s pretty pussy,” he licks his lips. “You’re so close, baby, I feel you squeezin’ my fingers.”

You grab onto his wrist with your free hand as his fingers continue to pump in and out of you. Your head lulls back against the window and he makes quick work of finishing you. “Yes, baby, so hot when you cum for me,” he praises.

He withdraws his fingers once you stop throbbing around them and he lifts his index finger to your lips for you to suck clean; he goes on to suck the other two.

You sit, still exposed to him, catching your breath and you eye his hard on. “Don’t even think about it, darlin’,” he warns, keeping focused on the road. “I can practically read your mind and you’re basically salivating.”

“Can’t help it if I wanna suck you off…” You say breathily, hand dancing up his thigh. “You just made me cum… makes me wanna make you cum… you knew what to expect.”

“And now I expect you to keep your hands to yourself till we get there. Just a little bit further baby,” he promises.

You huffingly adjust your clothes and see him smirking out of the corner of your eye. But he’s right and it’s not long before you’ve made it to the hotel and checked into your room. The energy between you is wild; comfortable but nervous, familiar yet unknown. You find things to do to busy yourself, knowing it’d be ridiculous for you to immediately jump into bed. Cal connects his phone to the room’s sound system to play some music, hoping to ease the tension as you both unpack

The music helps and you go from humming along to the music to singing to being goofily spun around the room by him within minutes. After a few songs, the only bag left unopened is the one containing all your toys and you stare at it for a beat.

He notices your hesitation and comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around you. “Let’s leave it for now, baby.” He nuzzles into your neck. “Sitting in the car all that time got me craving a hot shower, come join me.”

The shower (and inevitable shower sex) helps you both relax and when you’re back in the bedroom getting dressed afterwards, you bound over to the bag left on the bed.

“This is silly. Why am I nervous now that we’re here? Do you feel nervous?” You babble as you sit on the bed, unzipping the bag and dumping it out next to you.  

Cal smiles to himself and sits down next to you. He soothingly rubs a hand over your back and with the other he picks up one of the dildos, examining it. “Nah, I’m quite looking forward to getting to know our new friends,” he says lightly. He sits it down and leans in closer to you. “It’s gonna be so good, darlin’. Can’t wait for you to fill me up,” he rasps.

You suck in a breath and capture his lips in an eager kiss that’s somehow both comforting and thrilling. “I don’t know if that qualifies as a pep talk but thanks, bub,” you laugh against his skin.

The rest of the day seems to fly by; you and Calum decide over drinks that it’d probably be best to ease into things and just try out the plugs for your first night. He insists on eating you out before you even think about touching him and by the time he makes you cum, he’s whining against you.

You’re not sure what you were expecting but the plug experience goes off without a hitch. You think to yourself that you’ll never tire of seeing him spread himself for you, never tire of hearing the new type of moans he’s been letting out since you started this journey.

It doesn’t take Cal very long to get used to the smallest plug in the set and you’re surprised when he asks you if you’ll switch to the next size up. He must’ve noticed your reaction because he tells you that the past few times he’s jerked off, he’s also fingered himself, thinking about your upcoming plans. That admission leaves you throbbing and Cal has to get you off again before either of you turn in for the night.

The next morning, you awaken to the feeling of light kisses being pressed along the back of your neck and Cal pressing himself his hardening cock into your backside, warm hands rubbing over your thighs. “Morning, pretty girl,” he says with a crack, his voice not as awake as the rest of him. “Think it’s time, baby.”

It takes a few seconds for his meaning to land. “OH,” you turn and look at him with wide eyes. “Is it? Like right now? First thing in the morning?”

“Don’t wanna wait any longer, want you now,” he murmurs, kissing over your face.

You indulge him for a second before pulling back and asking, "What time even is it? It feels early."

Calum hovers over you, nibbling at your ear. "Doesn't matter, babe. Sun's out, it's a beautiful day and it's fuckin' time," he enthuses.

There's a beat as his words register with the both of you and you clamp a hand over your mouth to stifle a snort. He grins at you. "I meant that like for emphasis, like ‘It's fuckin’ time' not like I'm calling sex Fuckin’ Time," he laughs loudly, shoulders shaking the further he gets into his defense.

You cackle, tears running out of your eyes. You tease, "What does it say about me that I still want you after hearing that come out of your mouth?"

He shakes his head, breath coming out in wheezes. "You must really have it bad for me, I guess," he shrugs, eyes sparkling.

"Something like that," you giggle, drawing him in for a kiss. You nip at his mouth as you pull away. "Now, let's get what we need, baby. It's Fuckin' Time."

He hops in the shower while you evaluate the lingerie he packed for you and decide what he'd like best. You get out your gear and think to yourself how glad you are that you watched a video online about how to properly fit the harness for your body; you're so excited you're not sure you'd be able to figure it out on your own otherwise.

By the time Calum's out of the shower, you're admiring your reflection in the mirror above the dresser; you could always count on him to pick out underwear that both accentuated the things he loves most about you and made you feel great. Your hand wraps around the synthetic cock jutting proudly from your crotch; you give it a light squeeze and marvel at how the silicone is such a familiar feeling but feeling the weight of it attached to you, seeing it as part of you, knowing what you're about to do with it? All new feelings, equally jarring and thrilling.

You hear a sharp intake of breath behind you and turn to see Cal, clad only in his grey sweatpants. He walks over, eyes never wavering from you and takes your hand to spin you around so he can fully appreciate you. He lets out a soft whistle. “Gorgeous,” he praises, eyes travelling over you and landing on the royal blue dildo he chose. “A pretty cock for my pretty girl.”

He pulls you in to kiss you and you giggle against his lips as you feel him shifting, trying to find a comfortable place to situate your protruding appendage. “Is this what you have to deal with with me, baby? Jesus,” he laughs at the awkward dance.

You shrug. “I’d say it’s worth it,” you say flirtatiously as you reach down to palm him, raising an eyebrow when you feel him soft.

He runs a hand over the back of his neck like he does when he gets bashful. “I, uh, might’ve pre-gamed a little in the shower. I wanted to be sure I could make this last,” he discloses.

You smile and peck his lips. “Good boy,” you coo.

Cal steps back and eyes you for a second. “You’re feelin’ yourself, aren’t you, baby?” He grins at you.

You bite your lip and turn back to your reflection and you find yourself wrapping a hand around the dildo once again. “Actually, I kind of am,” you state with a nod.

He kisses your shoulder. “I’m feelin’ you too... now let me get you off so we can get to Fuckin’ Time,” he jokes.

You giggle as he leads you to the bed. "Always such a way with words," you tease.

Calum attempts to lay you down with him but you hold a hand up, signaling you need a moment. You reach over to the bedside table, where you’d ended up unpacking your toys, and come back up with lube and the plug he liked the night before.

“We should probably start with prepping you, handsome,” you suggest gently.

He nods in agreement and lifts up to strip off his sweatpants. He holds his knees for you, like he’s done so many times now, and waits to feel the chill of the lube against his entrance. He gasps sharply when he feels your tongue briefly brush against him instead.

“Sorry, baby boy, couldn’t help myself,” you chuckle, pressing a kiss to his inner thigh. He ends up taking the plug with even less resistance than the previous session and he beams as the praise flows from your lips.

You lay beside him and sigh as he moves above you, kissing along your neck and the tops of your breasts, murmuring about how pretty they look in the bra he picked out. You expect him to make his way in between your legs but he pulls back before he makes it there. "Think I'm gonna need you on my face, love."

You let out an excited hum as Cal gets situated next to you and squeal as he grabs you and pulls you over to straddle his face. “I knew you’d look incredible in this, baby,” he murmurs, nibbling your thigh, fingers tracing over the lace of the harness before teasing over your wetness, thanks to the crotchless center. “And anything with this type of access is A+ in my book.”

"Well, you're a man with exquisite taste," you compliment playfully.

You gasp as he licks a fat stripe up your center. "Mmm, talk about exquisite taste, darlin’,” he laughs huskily.

The lighthearted moment is short-lived as he quickly gets down to business licking you. His tongue dances along your folds, occasionally dipping inside your entrance teasingly. It always takes you a minute to feel comfortable grinding on his face but once you start rocking your hips, you're unable to stop and he grips your thighs to steady you.

“Slow down, baby, I’ve never let you down,” he murmurs. He presses up on your thighs to make room for him to push two fingers inside you.

“God, Calum.” You moan, looking down at him, tangling your fingers in his hair. “So fucking good.”

He withdraws his fingers in favor of licking up into you and you feel your eyes widen as you watch him reach up to grab the dildo and begin stroking it. You groan loudly, feeling yourself become even more turned on than you thought possible as you watch his hand move over the silicone as his mouth pleasures your pussy.

"Like how my cock feels in your hand, baby? Do you like jerking me off?" You tease, arousal emboldening you. "If it feels this good to you now, just think how much better it's gonna feel inside you."

Cal grunts into you and you swear you could cum just from that sound alone. His hand works quickly over the toy as he wraps his other around your thigh, pulling you down on his face. With his nose lightly nudging your clit, you can’t help yourself and start grinding on his face again.

“Get it, baby,” he moans. “Can’t wait to feel you in me.”

He sucks your clit in between his lips and your legs shake around his face. He releases it in favor of flicking his tongue and then lifts you up a bit, kissing along your lips as he catches his breath.

"Somethin' about seeing you like this," he breathes. "I don't know, pretty girl, it's already more than I dreamt of."

You murmur in response and he brings you back down onto his mouth. "Now I need you to cum for me."

You grip tightly into his hair, encouraging his skilled tongue to finish you off. “Oh fuuuuuuuck,” you moan loudly, leaning forward into the headboard as you cum. Cal takes his time licking around you, letting you enjoy the come down.

“Jesus Christ,” he groans, lifting you off his face. You land next to him and he sits up, immediately pulling you into a sloppy kiss. “Need you,” he states plainly, reaching for the lube and placing it in your hand. “Please, I can’t wait,” he urges.

You let out a loud breath, pleased by his eagerness. You start slicking the lube over your strap-on; Cal hurriedly lays back down on the bed; his chest rises and falls rapidly, you can tell he's both excited and nervous and you recognize that the look on his face is the one he makes when he's trying desperately not to touch himself.

You lean down and kiss him sweetly, hoping to calm him a bit. "Do you feel ready for me, baby?" You move down his body and lightly run your fingertips over his cock, playing with the precum that's sliding down the shaft as you check on the plug that's been filling him. "You take this one so well, Cal. Think you're nice and open for me."

He lets out a shaky breath, reaching to hold onto your hips for a second. “Baby,” he says quietly as you gently pull at the plug, pulling it to the widest part and letting it slide back into him.

“I’m serious, Cal, wish you could see how well you take it,” you praise, watching in amazement. “You gonna be this good for my cock? I know you want to, don’t you, baby boy?” You tease, digging your nails into his thigh.

He whimpers slightly and you watch as he attempts to collect himself, cock already twitching with anticipation, leaking onto his stomach. "Pretty girl, I'm gonna need that pretty cock in me as soon as you can, don't think I can wait much longer," he rasps

“Oh, I think you could,” you tease. “But I won’t make you.” You pull the plug out, gently squeezing his balls in your other hand. “The idea of you letting me have you like this is so hot...” You trail off as he shudders underneath you; you assume it’s from the coolness of the lube you’re rubbing over him but you suspect it partly has to do with your words as well.

You grab your cock and line yourself up, pushing the tip against his hole. “OK, Cal, remember to talk to me,” you whisper, rubbing your hands reassuringly on his thighs. You make eye contact with him as you start to push into him at an achingly slow pace, watching his face, making sure everything’s OK.

You see him puff out his cheeks and exhale slowly a couple times, trying to decipher how he feels about your intrusion. You slowly continue until you meet that resistance and you pause before going any further. "Relax, baby," you soothe. "We’ll go as slow as you need, I promise."

You start to pull out slightly and his eyes widen as he involuntarily lets out a loud moan. You halt your movements again and wait. "That was actually a good sound," he chuckles, squeezing your hand on his thigh. "It's just. Feels fuller than before. But good. Just different." He rambles, sorting through his racing thoughts.

You squeeze his hand back and smile at him. He breathes deep. "We can keep going, just slow like this," he nods to himself. "And maybe some more lube?"

“Of course, Cal, yes, this is perfect,” you enthuse. “Tell me what you want, just like we talked about. That’s what’s gonna make this good for both of us.” You encourage excitedly, working more lube onto your toy.

You feel like kissing him; you think he wants it, maybe even needs it. But you know you can’t lean in to do so, you’d push in too quickly, so you settle for kissing his knee.

He squeezes your hand again, “A little further, love,” he requests.

You do as he asks and you see him wince briefly so you back up. This decision is met with a whimper. “No, baby, in. I’m good, I promise,” he states firmly.

You take a deep breath to steady yourself and reach to play with his cock a little, hoping to give him both some relief and some distraction. He licks his lips and relaxes into your touch, allowing you to inch the toy in a bit more. "Doing so good, Cal," you comment softly.

You watch his chest breathe in and out, timing it with the slight rocking of your hips to help you enter him more and more. Calum wraps his hand around yours, helping you stroke your hand over him.

“Oh fuck.” He moans, squeezing your hand around his cock. “Like that,” he pants.

Your tactic works and he gets so caught up in the feeling of your joint efforts jerking him off that he doesn't notice you've finally worked the dildo inside him entirely. "God, Cal," you groan at the realization. "How does it feel knowing I'm buried inside you, baby?"

He shudders at your words. “Buried?” He asks, making sure he heard right. He feels you pressed all the way against him and groans. “Oh my god, baby… fuck.” He gently tugs on you, pulling you down to him. “I’m so happy we’re doing this,” he murmurs, kissing you. 

You move back to a kneeling position and gently pull your hips back; when you slowly push forward again, his mouth drops completely open and the only thing that comes out are little breathy sounds.

You feel yourself throbbing again, this is already much more intense than you anticipated. Calum's eyes are squeezed shut but you're confident if they were open, they would be glassy. "Baby boy," you warmly coo, slowly rocking your hips. "Let me see you stroke your cock, handsome."

His eyes open and he blinks rapidly, eyes focusing on you working above him. Your words finally register and his hand travels down, wrapping around his cock. "Feels so good," he murmurs, fighting the urge to speed up his hand. "Want more, baby, please give me more."

You slightly pick up the pace and mild discomfort flashes across his face but it’s quickly replaced with pleasure. You lean in and press kisses across his chest, covering the tattoos there.

“Mmm, more baby…” Calum pants, squeezing the head of his cock. “Can you... please… faster?”

You oblige and he lets out a loud whimper quickly followed by a guttural moan when you accidentally change the direction your hips hit.

“Right there... right there, GOD, right fucking there,” he chants, letting go of his cock in favor of grabbing you to help you find that spot again.

His moans go straight to your core and you feel arousal start to drip down your thighs. You can't believe how hot it is seeing him like this, witnessing him give himself over to you like this and let his guard down, telling you what he needs from you. "Makes me feel so good to give you what you want, baby," you admit in a whinier tone than you intend. "Just want my cock to please you like yours pleases me."

“It’s fucking perfect,” he chokes out.

The two of you manage to find that magic spot again and your hips hit it relentlessly once you do. Calum is breathing heavier than you’ve ever heard before and when you tease a finger down his precum soaked shaft, he yelps. “You wanna cum for me, baby boy?”

"Don’t want this to end," he confesses, voice faltering in that way you know means he's at the point of no return. "You're just fucking me so good, baby." His voice catches at the end of his sentence and he groans deep and loud as his cock starts to twitch; his hand flies towards it as the pulsing intensifies, cum shooting out in wild, strong spurts along his torso, some reaching as high as his chest tattoos. His moans seem to go on forever, as does his orgasm; you continue to drive your hips into him through it, marveling at the intensity of his release as he pumps the last drops out.

He grabs your hips when it becomes too much and you slowly pull back and out of him. “Holy fuck, baby.” He breathes in disbelief. “You... you fucked me good.”

You grin and move beside him, fingers dragging through the cum covering his chest; you lean forward to lick at the ropes decorating his tattoos and he threads his fingers in your hair, gazing at you adoringly. “How're you?” He asks, caressing your cheek.

“I loved it. But… honestly, I’m dripping, Cal,” you confess, sitting back up. “I knew that was going to be intense but like… fuck.”

He notices the sheen of wetness on your thighs and reaches out, arm heavy with exhaustion, to caress your leg. "What can we do for you, love? Anything you want, you deserve it."

You lean down to kiss him. "I feel like your mouth is making promises the rest of you can't keep, baby boy." You chuckle against his lips. "I have an idea but first help me out of this harness, I wanna be naked with you."

He helps you out of both the harness and your bra and then pulls you against his body. You put one of your legs between his and start to rock your hips against it, looking up at him for another kiss.

He nibbles at your lips before kissing them, sighing into your mouth as he feels your wetness spread on his leg. "Tell me what you need, love, want you to feel as good as I do right now."

You bite your lip and shift yourself off him, leaning over to the bedside table. "At first I thought it might've been a mistake that you packed my plug along with the set we got for you," you start, retrieving the toy and reaching for the lube. "But now I'm thinking you may be the smartest man alive."

Cal smiles broadly as he watches you slick it up and then reach behind you and start spreading some lube around your tight hole. "I know you, baby, thought you might get jealous seeing me stretched out like that," he teases.

“You do know me,” you affirm with a smirk. “Help me?” You ask, handing him the lubed plug.

He grins cheekily at you and captures you in another kiss as he works the plug in; he pushes it in a bit and then pulls it back out, making sure you feel all the stretch he knows you love.

You groan at the sensation and Cal plays with you a little more, enjoying your sounds and the way your hips are moving. "Babyyyy..." you whine and he relents, pushing the plug inside you fully and giving your ass a light tap.

"You want something else, darlin'?" He asks sweetly, reaching towards the drawer again. "Brought your vibe too. Or we've got the other dildos from my set we didn't need."

“So thoughtful, such a gentleman,” you tease, gesturing towards your small bullet vibrator. He clicks it on and starts teasing it against your clit.

You bite your lip and groan. “You’ve earned this, baby,” he declares, watching intently as you take the toy from him and start moving it on yourself.

You got so worked up from fucking him that it only takes a few minutes before you're close. "Gonna cum," you announce to no one in particular.

Calum watches as you hold the vibe against your clit waiting to fall over the edge. He moves his hand from your chest, where he'd been gently playing with your nipples, down between your thighs and plunges two fingers inside you, moving them carefully so as not to upset the position of the vibe.

“Fuck, Cal,” you moan, hips bucking against the vibe, pussy clenching around his fingers. He works you through your orgasm, encouraging you to ride his fingers and switching out the vibe on your clit for his thumb when he can tell it’s become too much.

He withdraws his fingers from you and licks them clean as you flop face down onto the bed next to him. He chuckles and runs his other hand through your hair and down your back as you come down. “You can’t possibly be more worn out than I am, pretty girl.”

You shift your head to face him. “I don’t know, baby… having you like that… kind of the hottest thing I’ve ever seen or done in my life,” you tease, eyes and voice dreamy with exhaustion.

“Well… letting you have me like that was the hottest thing I’ve ever done or seen, so I guess it’s a draw,” he responds, kissing your face as he gently removes the plug from your ass.

You curl into each other and it’s quiet for a few moments as you both take in what you just experienced. “Thank you for asking me to do this for you,” you breathe, breaking the silence. “It feels good to know you trust me like this.”

Calum kisses the top of your head. “Can’t think of a thing I wouldn’t trust you with, darlin’,” he says thoughtfully. “I love you.”

You murmur, “Love you too, baby boy.” You peck his chest and sit up, pulling on his arm. “Let’s get cleaned up and then it’s Fuckin’ Nap Time.”

He lets out of a huff of a laugh, allowing you to pull him out of bed with you. “I’m never gonna live down Fuckin’ Time, am I?”

“Think you’re just gonna have to embrace that one, bub, I’m not letting it go,” you giggle as you pull him towards the shower. “But don’t worry, I can guarantee you’re gonna be hearing that phrase a lot this weekend, you’ll have time to embrace it.”

---------------

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[dcforts]

[day 4: cooking and baking]

Now, Bobby Singer didn’t always exactly enjoy having Sam and Dean around – he was used to living alone and he liked his routine; they got loud when they bickered and he always had to make sure they were clean and fed and far from the stuff he had laying around that they weren’t supposed to touch.

He never wanted to be a father after all, nor get stuck running a daycare for hunters for that matter, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say no to John whenever he asked, even if he had his garage to run and hunting on the side.

He felt bad for them. He might have known nothing about raising children, but he sure knew that they were supposed to have a home, not to be dragged across the country in an old car, exposed to all kinds of dangers.

So, if washing an extra set of bedsheets and hiding his booze and getting a headache or two from their feet stomping upstairs meant giving them a roof over their head for a few days, a familiar place where to feel safe and proper food in their belly – if one could count canned soup as proper food – then he could bite the bullet.

And they were good kids, they always did what he told them and never complained about anything.

Even when one year they got stuck at his place on Christmas Eve. The air was heavy around the dinner table and Bobby had turned on the tv in an attempt to liven up the atmosphere and distract them. Still, they remained quiet, hunched over their plates wearing gloomy faces.

Their father was supposed to pick them up but he’d called and said he wasn’t gonna make it. Bobby knew it was gonna happen as soon as he’d heard the phone ringing that afternoon.

"But it’s Christmas!” he’d hissed angrily trying not to be heard by the kids, “What am I supposed to tell them?”

“Uh - I don’t know, Bobby," John had replied, with that tone he got when he was uninterested in what you were saying and had already uncorked one too many beers. "It’s just this one time.”

When Bobby had delivered the news, Dean had shouted "Why hasn’t he called me?" and Sam had grumbled "You should have convinced him", so they most likely hated him too.

Bobby didn’t take it personally, if he were a kid he sure wouldn’t have liked to spend Christmas with someone like him and without his only parent.

Bobby didn’t do holidays at all. He hanged a wreath on the front door just cause he kept it in the hallway all year round. He made himself a turkey sandwich. He enjoyed a classic movie just as the next guy and he passed out on the couch with a glass of store-bought eggnog. That was it. It was not like he had anyone to share it with. It had been like that for years and he didn’t mind. 

Knowing that the kids would be around though, he’d hanged on the window a string of lights he’d found in the basement and had put on display a weird looking statue of an elf - although if he wasn’t sure if it was Christmas related or just an old dark artifact. The boys had spared those things barely a glance and not brought up Christmas at all so Bobby had just figured that they didn’t do holidays either.

But then a commercial featuring a big holiday banquet came on tv for the umpteenth time, filling the kitchen with its obnoxious jingle and Dean finally spoke up.

“Hey Bobby,” he asked, tearing his eyes from the tv. “Did your mother ever bake for the holidays?”

Bobby didn’t even remember the last time he’d talked about his mother with anyone. It always brought up bittersweet memories he didn’t like to deal with. Still, he cleared his throat, “Sure,” he said, but now Sam was watching him too so he added, “she was a good baker - made a mean blueberry pie.”

Dean gave him a small smile. “Really?”

“Yeah, and she’d always make two, one for everyone and another one just for me."

“A whole pie? Just for you?" Sam asked with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"I could eat that," intervened Dean immediately.

Bobby snorted, “Yeah, I know that, kid."

Dean smiled proudly, but then Sam said "You couldn’t, Dean. You’d get sick."

"No, I wouldn’t," he shot back.

"Yes, you would. Not even an adult can - "

"What do you know, if you never - ”

“I know - ”

Bobby groaned and got up from the table to start collecting the dirty dishes, "Alright, break it up".

They fell into silence again as he put the dishes in the sink and started washing them.

"Go get ready for bed."

He heard the scraping of chair legs on the floorboards, but he was still thinking about his mother and didn’t realize that only one pair of shoes had left the room and the other one had come to stand next to him.

"Does your oven work?" Dean said, making him jump.

"Wh- my oven? Yeah. Why?”

"Just ‘cause... you never use it," was his reply, a little unsure.

"That don’t mean it don’t work."

"Have you ever used it?”

"Can’t remember, honestly.”

"Mum used to bake pies for me too," Dean said then. "Sammy wasn’t there so he gets upset when I talk about it."

Bobby gave him half a smile. "Bet Mary's pies were the best, uh?”

"Yeah", he said, but he sounded thoughtful. He still made no move to leave and Bobby didn’t know what else to say. The last thing he wanted was to make the boy sad, or worse, make him cry for his mom.

He started working faster on drying those dishes.

"Maybe your father remembers the recipe. You should ask him,” he said, casually.

Apparently it was the wrong thing to say. Dean tugged the hem of his jacket and looked at him with the most scared expression Bobby had ever seen on him. “Don’t!" he said, "Please. Dad doesn’t like talking about these things. Don’t tell him I told you."

Bobby gritted his teeth and tried to not let his rage show on his face. He put down the rag and grabbed one of his shoulder, “It’s okay, Dean. I won’t.”

Dean gulped and quickly nodded and Bobby itched for a drink.

“Now go. It’s time for bed.”

"Yes, sir," said Dean.

“You don’t have to cal-” he started, then sighed, “Nevermind. Just go.”

As he heard the door upstair close he opened the highest cabinet and grabbed his bottle of scotch. He sat down to pour himself a glass, took his cap off and rubbed his forehead.

His hands tightened into fists at the thought of John. How could he leave them like that? What would’ve happened if he’d died on a hunt? Who would have cared for them? Bobby certainly couldn’t – John couldn’t possibly expect –

The tv was still on.

His second glass was already empty when that stupid holiday commercial with that stupid jingle came on once again. Annoyed, Bobby stood up to turn it off and that’s when Dean came to his mind and a thought hit him.

The kid wanted a damn pie.

He just didn’t know how to ask, or even if he could ask. And of course he would think that, with that father of his, his taboos and his rules. Bobby felt anger and stubborness rise in him.

If the kid wanted a goddamn pie, Bobby would’ve given him a goddamn pie. Even if he had to drive for miles at the crack of dawn on Christmas Day for blueberries.

And now where the fuck did he put Karen’s recipe book?

*

The morning after, he cracked the bedroom door open and Dean blinked awake as soon as he brushed his shoulder.

“Don’t wake your brother. Come downstairs," he whispered, motioning him to be quiet.

In the daylight Bobby was willing to admit that he was a little nervous about his idea.

Yet he couldn’t resist watching Dean’s face as he entered the kitchen ten minutes later and stopped in his track when he saw flour, eggs, sugar and blueberries lined up on the counter.

It was like his face couldn’t settle on an emotion. He frowned, smiled, frowned again. Then he just looked at Bobby as if he was asking him what he was supposed to do or say.

"I was thinking it’s about time I make that oven work again. What you say? Wanna bake your own pie?"

Dean surprised himself with a laugh. "But Bobby - I don’t – I never -"

"What, you think I do?" Bobby shrugged, "If it’s bad, we’ll just throw it out."

Dean seemed too overwhelmed to say anything. He just nodded.

Bobby went towards him. "See, I got this book here, it was my wife’s. We’re more than capable to follow a bunch of instructions, right?"

It took way longer than Bobby had anticipated, and surely longer than it generally took other people. And it wasn’t easy. At all. Not just because in the last few years he’d reduced his diet to mostly pre-cooked stuff, but especially for the smells that filled the kitchen and the long string of memories attached to them - Karen and his mom, guilt and comfort, sweetness and fear.

But Bobby went through all of it, the fishing out of the egg shells, the spilling of the flour, the hour long wait for the dough to set and the million questions Dean seemed to have – because the boy enjoyed himself.

Bobby was pretty sure of it, from the way he groaned in disgust as he dipped his hands in the mixture with raw eggs, in his cheeky face when he lied about stealing the blueberries they were using, in his clear laugh when Bobby slipped and almost crashed on the dirty floor; all of that made it worth it.

When the oven door was closed and the timer was set, he even sat cross-legged on the tiles to watch it as it baked.

Bobby moved around him to clean the mess they’d made and then went to wash himself up. When he looked himself in the bathroom mirror he saw flour all over his beard and bits of dough on his flannel. He found himself smiling a little.

He might not be able to bring the boys the spirit of Christmas or whatever crap they sold these days, but he would’ve been be satisfied if he managed to make them happier for half a day.

Dean started pounding on the door right in that moment. “Bobby!” he was shouting, “The timer! Hurry up! We need to get it out!”

Bobby’s reflection rolled his eyes and sighed. “Coming!” he shouted back and heard Dean running away again.

When he entered the kitchen half a minute later, Sam had joined Dean in front of the oven. He was still in his pyjamas and looked up at him with sleepy eyes. “Dean’s screams woke me up,” he said.

“Yeah, alright. I’m here, let me through and step back. I don’t want you to get burned.”

As carefully as possible, he took the pie out under the scrutinizing gaze of the brothers. As he sat it on the table he noticed the uneven colour of the crust and the filling that had spilled all over the sides and through the cracks. He made a face. “Well - doesn’t look half bad as far as first attempts go -" he tried to say but his words were drowned by the boys shouting “Whoa!”

"It smells so good," said Dean, wearing a proud smile.

"It’s perfect," said Sam with the solemnity of a renown critic. "Can we try it now?"

"Let’s give it a moment to cool down. You go get dressed. Dean, go wash your hands."

They both sprinted in different directions. Sam immediately ran up the stairs banging a hand on the banister in excitement. Dean bolted in the direction of the downstairs bathroom.

“Be careful!” he thundered.

They both shouted back at once: “Yes, Uncle Bobby!”

A rush of affection washed over him. He shook his head looking down at their pie.

“Merry Christmas kids.” 

 joining @bend-me-shape-me in this!

[calpops]

falling facade | c.h.

part eight: falling fractures

part one: falling flowers | part two: falling freedom | part three: falling fears | part four: falling failures | part five: falling fame | part six: falling feelings | part seven: falling forces

5k words

Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format (translations included).

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Weeks passed since the kiss on the curb between Calum and Arden. Silent bliss and secrets shrouded them and all that they had come to figure out. Any and all time spent together was real and falling felt like passing through clouds and tasted sweeter than ever. Only a slight bite of guilt followed with Michael’s gazes that screamed unanswerable questions. They tried to play it lowkey in front of him but with the engagement already in motion and those not in the know passing in and out  the act fell on a thin wire; lines and realities were crossed. They often got away, stayed at Calum’s with the complete privacy his place offered. When they had no choice but to cross paths and realities it was closed doors and dark shadows that allowed them to be real with each other and explore each other through the new dynamic of their relationship.

A band milestone called for celebration and worlds to collide. Calum picked up Arden and savored every moment in the shadows of the car before they entered Ashton’s where the party was already well underway. They blended in with the crowd and played all the parts they needed to for those surrounding them. Calum kept a casual arm around her to suggest their relationship but not be explicit and obvious. Loud music, lack of lighting and the large crowd provided an easy and unnoticed escape once formalities and greetings took place. They waved to Michael and played it cool, moved through the crowd and found a piece of quiet solace. Calum knew Ashton’s house just as well as his own.

A spare room provided them with privacy and a place to wander and continue exploring. With the lights low and Arden’s back pressed to the wall, finding sweetness and breathing her in—focusing solely on her as the party faded behind them—became second nature. After weeks of becoming more and more intimate and familiar with one another Calum’s hands glided down her body and settled at her waist, his lips roamed her skin and kissed softly down her neck, a sigh he now knew and adored escaped her as his teeth lightly grazed supple skin. Her fingers carded through his curls and their bodies pressed closer together, her right leg came up to wrap around him, his left hand found way under her thigh to support her.

“Cal,” she murmured, voice low and laced with hazy desire. Calum made a noise of acknowledgement and continued to kiss her. “Don’t leave a mark. Michael might see.”

The reminder pulled Calum back and stopped him short. He looked up and found hazel in the dim light, a plea to keep secrets off her skin settled in the way she looked at him. Eyelashes fluttered and her lip pouted. Calum nodded his understanding, gave her a chaste kiss on the lips and sighed.

“It’s probably not a good night for this, huh?” He asked and she tilted her head to the side as if to communicate she was unsure. Her leg dropped from his hold and his hand wound up on the wall beside her instead. “The band has promo this week and I think everyone is gonna expect you to be there for some of it.”

“Yeah,” she confirmed. “Without a hickey, probably. Michael would either assume the truth or think it was someone else. I don’t know which would be worse.”

Calum arched an eyebrow at her before dipping down to give one last kiss to the curve of her neck. He smiled into her skin and lingered for just a moment. He felt her ease against him and knew they were both wishing the circumstances were different. When he looked back up she was biting her lip and looking at the ceiling.

“We have to tell him eventually,” she said out of nowhere and Calum heard the guilt in her tone. “Tell everyone all of the truths, actually. It’s getting really hard to keep up—but it doesn’t feel like it should be anyone else’s to know.”

Calum brushed his fingertips along her jaw and encouraged her to look back down at him. When she did he could see the distress written clearly on her face even in the shadows.

“We can tell when we’re ready. We can start with the first truth. To our parents,” Calum suggested and watched as Arden visibly relaxed at the weight that would be lifted from their shoulders.

“How mad do you think they’ll be?”

Calum shrugged. “Won’t matter, it’s management’s fault for roping us into it. I think they would have taken a drunken joke over a forced contract. They’ll be more upset about that than anything.”

“And then we’ll tell Michael?”

“If you want,” Calum confirmed and reminded himself all of the truths were contingent on her comfortability. He liked having her to himself and keeping the new dynamic to their relationship under wraps. But if it was eating at her, if she asked him to come clean, then he would. He’d go at her pace and hopefully be able to hold her hand through it all.

She let out a breath and casted her gaze to the door. “Let’s give it a little more time. Should we get back out there before it seems suspicious?”

“Suspicious to who? Almost everyone here thinks we’re engaged,” Calum laughed and made Arden roll her eyes at the absurdity of their situation. “Michael knows we have to play it up sometimes.”

She grinned and leaned in for one more kiss, one last tousle of his curls and wandering hand exploring him. They hadn’t gone much further than what they’d done tonight, but taking it slow and learning each and every curve of each other was a journey Calum was happy to be on.

***

Arden’s first experience with band promotion came on the backs of a single they were hoping for success with. They were carted from radio station to television set, from green room to dressing room and hallways and sound booths. In between the chaos Calum always sought her out. In front of the different teams he held her hand and the band backed them up by playing it natural. Luke and Ashton proved useful, always having something to say about them or being a good way to divert to something else. Michael played his part as well as he could, tried his best to be a believable protective brother and trusting friend that was happy for both of them. The cliche jokes and warnings of what Michael would do if Calum ever hurt her felt a little too real and a bit unsettling as Michael’s eye contact didn’t waver.

The week dragged during the days Arden couldn’t be around for the interviews; her job at the gallery kept her occupied, but Calum wouldn’t have it any other way. As much as he wanted her there to break up the boredom and be able to bask in the irony of their “fake” relationship he knew her time was better spent figuring out her dreams. Management wasn’t entirely pleased she wasn’t attending every session to just be a shadow in the background or a tag on social media but for the lack of her presence the questions heightened tenfold. He knew management approved the questions beforehand—possibly even wrote them and handed them over—and that he had to answer them. On days when Arden was there he could keep an eye on her as he talked through his answers, pick up on subtle clues hidden in her body language as to whether she was okay with his explanations or not.

When she was able to go and downtime plagued them between sets they found a rhythm to sneaking away or hiding in plain sight. Closets and corners became havens for their reality and subtleties screamed truths in the faces of those that didn’t know. They could get away with hand holding and his arm around her in front of Michael. When they could get away from him they were bound to explore and cross lines they never had before. Hushed words and needy sighs highlighted secret desires in the dark. Those times sent thrills through Calum. But it was the softer moments that stayed with him.

Afternoon sunlight spilled through windows in the green room and an unusual quiet settled around them. Their team was busy out in the hall, Ashton was running late and Luke was manning the hall waiting for him. Calum and Arden were able to sit close as a guise for the facade and Michael didn’t bat an eye at it. When he left for the bathroom Arden moved after him, watched him walk out the door and down the hall a way before turning back to Calum and closing the green room door. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips and she slowly walked back over to him where he was waiting with open arms. She settled against him, more fully and intimately than before, tucked her chin into the crook of his shoulder and he felt her breath on his neck as his arms wound around her.

“I’ve missed you,” she said and Calum smirked.

“I’ve been right here all day,” he reminded her and carded his fingers through her hair.

“It’s not the same when everyone else is around,” she admitted with a faint blush and buried her face further against him. Modesty was becoming of her and made Calum warm. “There’s too many things to keep up with. We can’t just be us. I miss you.”

Calum agreed with her words but didn’t vocalize it. He just kept runnings his fingers through her hair and let out a small huff. He let himself enjoy the moment. The week had been so busy and contrived it was rare to find such a peaceful interaction. It was the last day of promo in the area and Calum couldn’t be more thankful. A plan to end out the week formed in his mind in an instant. He wanted to top all of the fake off with something real; put everything back into balance.

“You wanna get away tonight?”

Arden shifted to look up at him with questioning eyes.

“We could go to the diner,” he suggested, knowing it was one of their places they had no fear of being themselves. “Or the beach.”

Arden hummed as she thought it over and lightly tapped her fingertips to his chest before settling back against him and hiding her face. “No. I just wanna go home—I mean your place—so we can be alone.”

The smile that formed on Calum’s face couldn’t be contained, he was elated to know his place was synonymous with home for her. Especially when she despised the city his house resided in. In the back of his mind and in the forefront of his heart he knew it wasn’t the city or the house that made her feel that way. It was him. And she did the same. She made cold ocean water and flashing cameras and a stranger’s wedding and a Vegas hotel feel like home. He cherished those places and moments with everything he had and everything she had come to give him.

The rotation of the doorknob had them springing back into a more casual position, but when an assistant walked in instead of Michael or Luke or Ashton they both caught their breaths and settled. Close calls were becoming second nature. Anxiety lingered around every opening door and watchful eye. Calum couldn’t wait to be home where they could finally be alone and themselves without inhibitions and fears of what would be coming around the corner. The assistant told Calum he was needed on set, that Ashton had finally made it and the others were already headed over. Calum gave Arden a quick goodbye kiss figuring the assistant wouldn’t think too much of it with the ring on Arden’s finger and all the chatter of the engagement. That was one of few silver linings inside the chaos they were living. The ring gave reasons when they weren’t ready to share their own.

Calum went through the motions for the interview: relied on his band mates to pick up his slack and sense that he wasn’t all together and comfortable with where some of the questions headed. Michael easily slipped in and broke it up, Ashton and Luke helped to diffuse the situation. When the day and the week of promo was finally over and they were all headed home it came as a small surprise to Michael that Arden chose to go with Calum instead of him.  They chalked it up to needing a new game plan for their next paparazzi stunt. After a moment Michael seemingly understood and bid them both goodbye. But once they were back to Calum’s—in Arden’s words home—the last thing on their minds was the stunt. Everything became real again the instant they stepped through the door. Pretenses and theatrics were left outside. The couch called their names and had them settling in.

Calum had no fear in pulling Arden close, nearly completely on top of him. Bodies rested as one and small talk came easily. Arden went on about her job at the gallery and Calum had pride on the tip of his tongue the entire time but stayed quiet to let her speak. He didn’t know who else she had told, if her family knew and could also sing their praises for her path. So Calum always picked up the slack and reminded her of the admiration he had for her and all she achieved.

“You know,” Calum finally spoke when she lapsed into silence. “I’m still waiting on an Arden original; don’t tell me you haven’t thought about getting back into painting after all the time at the gallery.”

Arden shifted. “You’re still on that, huh?”

“Of course. I’ve got a blank wall just waiting for your art.”

Arden hummed with good humor and shook her head, Calum could feel the motion against his chest and the vibration of her voice as she tucked herself closer into him.

“I’ll have to see what I can do,” she half promised and Calum nodded, only wanting to remind her, not push or prod or dull any spark that may have come back. “It’d be a shame to let that wall space go to waste.”

Calum agreed and let them slip back into blissful silence. The rest of the night was filled with quiet conversation and so easily them that when morning came neither batted an eye. They had stayed up all night, comfortable enough on the couch and in each other’s arms to the point they didn’t move to the bedroom. It was the gallery that separated them, Calum making Arden coffee before he dropped her off and leaving her with one last gaze he hoped spoke of his pride and adoration for her. She bid him goodbye with a smile and kiss on the cheek; something much more substantial and heart thumpingly real than just a brush of her lips from a whispered thank you. It was sweet and soft and innately Arden.

***

Real time spent together fell apart in the face of another stunt. A more invasive and public walk through the cameras. Calum could feel Arden’s anxiety the day leading up to their first night walk, he noted the wiggle of her legs and the distant look to hazel that had him worried. He wouldn’t leave her side during the entrance to the club, wouldn’t let the paparazzi get more of her than necessary and would do his best to keep her comfortable. But the uneasiness she exudes was starting to follow him, to form a pit in his stomach and make him need to call to action. He texted Ashton and asked him to go with them hoping that it may take some heat and interest off of them. He explained it to him and Ashton didn’t hesitate, even offered to drive.

Calum sat in the backseat with Arden and felt the tension was so palpable it nearly choked him. She was tense and staring out the tinted window. Paparazzi lingered on the curb near the entrance. The night was dark but the flashing of cameras would be bright enough to light their way. Ashton drummed his hands on the steering wheel, not accustomed to the build up and time it took for Arden to be okay with diving head first into these situations.

“We just need a minute,” Calum explained and Ashton nodded, eyes squinted inquisitively as he took in the situation in the back, probably realizing the anxiety that was swelling, the panic that was rising and the attempt to calm it.

“There’s a lot more out there than usual,” Arden whispered and finally looked back at Calum. He could see the panic pooling in her eyes and the stiff motions that accompanied her every move. “It’s terrifying.”

“I’ll be right there with you,” Calum murmured and wished they had driven alone, wished he could say and do more to comfort her without Ashton sneaking glances in the review mirror. “It’s a quick walk in. We stay for just a while and it’s another quick walk out. It’ll be okay.”

Calum knew making that promise was risky. He had his own run-ins that hadn’t been so okay, where they got a little too in his face and said something a little too reactionary. Sometimes he threw up the middle finger so the photos couldn’t be used in magazines, sometimes he said four letter words that maybe only called more attention to him. He would have to stay subtle and be quick with Arden at his side. The paparazzi needed no more incentive to get rowdy tonight.

“We don’t have to stay long?” She asked with hope in her tone and hand reaching out for him that faltered when she remembered Ashton was in the front. Calum shook his head.

“Half an hour. Get in, they can get their shots, get out and they can get a few more,” he said. He took a glance out the window and pulled his sunglasses from the neckline of his shirt, gently placed them on Arden’s face and gave her a small smile. “These will help.”

“I didn’t think to bring mine. Are you sure you don’t want yours?”

“It’s fine,” Calum soothed and reached for the door handle, Ashton taking the hint and doing the same. “Ready?”

Arden slightly nodded past a sigh and scooted out just behind him, Calum being hyper aware to keep her shielded. A customary arm went around her and she hid her face against him, the walk was short and successful—as easy as it possibly could have been. Only a few remarks were made. Having Ashton walk in with them was a surprise and a good separation. Music was blasting upon their entry. Arden was glued to Calum’s side as they walked to their reserved seating in the VIP area. A few of their friends within the industry were at the table and gave head nods as greeting or small waves as introductions to Arden. It was convenient to have them around, much easier to explain to Ashton why they sat so close and acted like a couple so naturally.

“Wasn’t so bad right?” Calum asked, dipping down to be near her so she’d have a chance at hearing and hoping no one else would. The music was a bit faded where they sat but still poured through the club with resounding bass lines.

Arden shrugged. “Not as bad as I thought. Not as easy as usual.”

Calum rubbed her back—recalled a time when they sat on a bench outside the band’s management’s office and he had done the same—hoping it would help her relax. She was still a bit shaken but a calm was coming down, put a bit of color back into her face and loosened her movement as she melted into his touch, rested her head on his shoulder and finally took the sunglasses off her face. Calum’s friends didn’t bat an eye at the affection but Ashton raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. A lump formed in Calum’s throat and burned without remorse at the questioning stance Ashton took up. Apparently, the game wasn’t as obvious to him. Calum would have some explaining to do.

Time slipped by and Calum could sense how uncomfortable Arden was getting. She wasn’t used to the noise and the drunken people that swarmed around them in droves. She wasn’t a party person and when she was she usually snuck away to find some solace and quiet; to a place like the side of a house where the stars were her only company. Half an hour felt like seconds to Calum but with the bounce of Arden’s leg under the table and the restless grip she kept on his hand he knew it was starting to feel like an eternity for her. He could guess she was dreading the walk back to the car, that she might be assuming the worst to make up for the ease in which they entered the establishment.

She sidled up closer to his side, pressed so completely against him it would have been almost impossible for him to not hear her whispered request. “Can we leave yet?”

He couldn’t refuse the simple want. He couldn’t deny that he was craving some alone time with her as well. Her words from days earlier rang true. When other people were around they really couldn’t be themselves. It was always more reserved or less authentic in some way. Pieces of them were always hidden to someone’s watching eyes. Calum caught Ashton’s attention and made a motion toward the doors. Ashton understood the nonverbal communication and quite possibly the desperation for escape clouding Arden.

They bid their goodbyes quickly and headed for the door, Arden slipping the sunglasses back on and gripping Calum’s hand with renewed anxiety. Before they were out the doors Calum could sense the energy outside had shifted. Flashes bombarded them before the doors shut, more paparazzi had gathered, a crowd forming and circling them—almost cornering them back into the club. Ashton took up the lead and Calum appreciated it with his entire being; used himself to help shield Arden and push through those that got too close to them; got too invasive with her. Calum lost sight of Ashton and could only hope he would get to the car and bring it to them in the midst and the thick of the swarm.

“Cal,” Arden’s voice barely made it to him as the jostling and the unnecessary comments began.

In one heart thumping moment he lost his hold on her. Fingers slipped through and the force of the crowd separated them. Calum was in a panic. Irritated at the push and pull. Desperate to get back to her. He was shoved forward and she was pushed back. He could barely see light brown hair or hidden hazel eyes peering over the crowd. He turned suddenly, saw Ashton’s car pull up to the curb and sent out a silent thank you as he maneuvered back around and elbowed his way through, knocking into cameras and anyone in his path. He found her in the middle of taunting flashes, frozen on the ground in an obvious fall; hands on the sidewalk and foot twisted awkwardly. He sank down to her quickly, back to the crowd and focused entirely on her.

“Arden?” He gently asked, broke the frozen fear she was in and watched as she came back to him with a trembling lower lip and hands that shook as they sought him out. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. Can you get up?”

She tried, sucked in air through the pain once weight hit her right foot and clutched at Calum; his arms catching her before she took another tumble. The paparazzi were pressing in again, a blare of a car horn took many by shock and Calum used the moment to move fast. He lifted Arden, hands under her thighs, her arms wrapped around his neck and legs wrapped around his waist.

“Hide your face love, we’re getting out of here,” Calum instructed and hoped she heard him. It took a few seconds before he felt her bury her face against his neck, the cool metal of his sunglasses clashing with the warmth of her cheeks.

The backseat door flung open as soon as Calum managed to get them to the car. Ashton had reached over from the driver's seat and aided them in their time of peril. Arden slid into the seat and over to the window opposite the crowd and commotion; to where the night was much calmer—the world seemingly split in two. Calum climbed in quickly and shut the door with a resounding thud; the tinted windows helping to keep the blinding lights at bay. Ashton’s quick getaway was made in silence as he peeled out and forced everyone back.

“What the fuck happened back there?” Ashton finally asked after minutes of driving in new found silence. “Are you guys okay?”

Calum nodded. Though it was more dramatic than any other run in with paparazzi he found himself mostly unfazed. Though his eyes drifted to Arden to find her gone peakid and tense. Her fingers curled into her palms and a distant yet pleading look settled about her. The trembling lip came back and her hand slowly inched toward him through the distance he left between them on the bench seat. She pulled it back when she realized Ashton could see; the hesitation and hurt in the movement broke Calum. In a quick motion he undid his seatbelt and slid to the middle of the seat, buckled back in and pulled her to him as far as the seatbelts would allow. She shattered in his hold and let the anxiety and fear of the entire night out. Sunglasses were abandoned in favor of tears. He did his best to soothe her and not look at Ashton who only had questions and assumptions surely sitting on his tongue. Calum ran his fingers through her hair, placed small kisses to the top of her head and whispered words he hoped would help ease the ache and pain.

“It’s okay now, I’ve got you.”

Arden pushed away from him slightly after doing her best to collect herself. “I never want to do that again.”

“You won’t. No more paparazzi walks, I promise.”

Calum heard Ashton’s noise of confusion and disbelief. It probably wasn’t a promise that Calum should be making but he would raise hell to keep it. Calum brushed off the looks Ashton was trying to give him through the mirrors and wiped away stray tears from Arden’s face. Kissed her forehead after contemplating if that would come off as purely comfort and then roamed down to peck her lips without thinking. It was instinctual and habitual. Calum ignored the obvious stares Ashton was sending him and swallowed down the fear of being caught. Took the rest of the ride back to his place to coddle her and keep her calming down, to quell the panic and pain lingering within her.

When they pulled up to Calum’s house he let out a sigh and undid their buckles. “Ash? Can you just… not say anything about this?” He asked with his gaze skirting to Arden and back to Ashton.

Ashton threw his hands up from the wheel. “I don’t even know what this is. How can I say anything about it?”

That was Ashton’s way of saying whatever conclusions he came to about the way they interacted after the scuffle would stay an assumption and a secret safe with him. Calum nodded appreciatively and opened the door, hopped out and offered his hand to Arden. She was hesitant to put weight on her foot and Calum grimaced when he remembered the awkward fall and sheer pain written on her face. He scooped her up again and closed the door with his hip.

“You need to get your ankle looked at,” he said as they approached the door and felt Arden stiffen in his hold. “We can go to the emergency room.”

“No!” She was quick to let the opposition to his proposal slip out. “No. It’s okay, I mean, it’s maybe a small sprain at most. I just need to rest it. And get some ice.”

Calum wasn’t so sure about her denial but trusted her word and brought them into the house to do as she needed. With her foot elevated and being iced her tears finally dried from the horrendous end to the night. Duke curled up with them and made everything feel like it was going back to normal; if they even had a normal. There was a bite of worry about what Ashton saw and how Calum couldn’t keep the situation under control, there was fear in the power of management and the vindictive levels they were willing to go to to get what they wanted. At this point, Calum wasn’t even sure what they were after anymore. Ruining him, ruining the relationship or ruining Arden.

“What do you think the headlines will be like?” Arden asked and Calum heard the anxiety creeping back into her tone. “You don’t think Ashton’s gonna tell Michael, do you?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Calum soothed and pulled her closer into him, reveled in the familiarity and normalcy of the affection and vowed to do the worrying for both of them.

It was his turn to stand up to management and decide when the hard truths needed to be told. Arden had braved enough of the storm; stood firm in the face of management and saved their reputations. Took the weight of both their lies on her shoulders. The falling fractures were his now.

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[botheredbuck]

hi i love your writing, could you talk about trans!callum pls that bc owns my entire heart.

y'all really know how to make me ramble huh

(of course!! honestly trans cal owns my heart too. and thank you im so glad you like my writing!!)

okay so i can't remember if ive talked about this before but i actually have this hc that callum went into the army in the closet. like when he enlisted he signed up as a 'woman' even though he knew he wasnt (he didn't like,,, know he was trans yet i think because he didn't have the terminology for it growing up around his family but he knew he wasnt 'like other girls' so to speak) because at that point enlisting was just about getting away from his dad, and running away from the problems he had at home. and then he meets chris in the army and like, chris figures him out pretty quickly and like asks callum about it except he freaks out. but like him and chris get talking and they get really close, and chris starts to kinda talk to cal about queer stuff and like casually slips in about trans people and instantly callum is just like - that's right. that's - that's what i think i might be. and so like they go from there and callum is just 'h' to chris (because he hasn't picked out a name he liked yet) and when it's just them callum's 'he' and all that. and like that's why chris only calls callum 'h' in his letters to his sister because he doesn't want to disrespect callum by saying his deadname but he doesnt have another name so he's just 'h'

and then when callum leaves the army it's his fresh start. its his new life and he's headed to walford and he's callum

oh and mick first finding out though!! so obviously when they first meet it's kinda under,,, unfortunate circumstances so callum is very much just halfway but they kinda get to know each other again and mick's noticed he's been acting weird and stuff so he sits him down and kinda asks callum how he's been, how life's been and stuff as a kind of casual way of asking about things. and then he refers to callum with his deadname and callum just says actually, that's not me any more. and like its an accident when he first says it and he freaks out because the carters and the vic is about the only safe place he has left and he thinks he's ruined it and he tries to leave but mick just makes him sit down, makes him a hot chocolate and asks him to explain because i ain't no whipper snapper any more, kid, i got an old brain, you gotta spell things out for me and like callum very almost doesn't, like tries to shrug it off but mick just lays a hand on his arm and smiles and it feels like home and if callum cant be himself here then where can he?

so he tells mick about all these feelings he's got, about this bloke he met in the army who told him all these things that he thinks might explain a lot and mick's just quiet and let's callum ramble and when he's done he just stands up and pulls callum into a hug and just says in his ear you know I'll always love you, son and callum cries, and mick freaks out because he thinks he's done something wrong and callum's just like happy tears, happy tears

wow uh im a little emotional after that one oops

ooh and also another thing like,,, ben finding out!! idk if ive talked about this before but like bear with me okay. so in my head with trans cal their first kind of,,, being together so to speak goes a little differently so ben doesn't actually know that callum's trans until like after they get together

and callum's completely freaked out about being intimate. because we all know ben's got a bit of a reputation right, when it comes to partners and stuff. and callum's freaking out because he has no idea whether ben's ever been with a trans guy before and like, not even just intimately like just in general, because it sucks but there's a lot that comes with being trans and being trans in a romantic relationship.

so cal doesn't actually tell him for like a while until they start talking about being intimate and they're kissing and callum just like blurts it out and then freaks out and just runs away.

and like he ends up hiding at the park bench for ages bc he just can't face ben because hes convinced himself that the second ben found out he was always gonna run. and like callum's got all these feelings for him already that he doesn't wanna say but he just can't bear to lose him yet so he's just sat on their bench freaking out until ben comes and finds him and just sits next to him and they're both just quiet for a bit until ben says i thought id find you here. think we kinda claimed this bench, didn't we? and callum just like smiles a little and then ben says you know it doesn't bother me, right? i like you because you're kind, and because you're handsome, and because somehow you have the willpower to put up with my bullshit and callum just looks at him and asks how can it not bother you? you're gay and ben says yeah i am. and youre a man. and im a man. think that's pretty gay, dont you? and callum just laughs because he can't help it and then he apologises for running off and they talk and ben just holds him and aw its cute!!

but yeah ill leave it there but thank u so much for the ask!!

ask me about my hcs!!

[chilly-me-softly]

Every Little Thing’s Gonna Be Alright • Chapter 16

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 - Chapter 8 - Chapter 9 - Chapter 10 - Chapter 11 - Chapter 12 - Chapter 13 - Chapter 14 - Chapter 15

New chapter is here! Thanks for the waiting, hope you like it 💙

-

"Your daughter stole my boyfriend"

"Your boyfriend stole my daughter" she replies back before the two girls look at each other and a small giggle escapes Deb's lips.

"Although I have to admit he's so cute"

"Makes you wanna have one?!" jokes Evelyn sitting at the kitchen table smiling mischievously.

"Absolutely, mh-mh" Deb shakes her head dismissively, "No offense but your brother and I aren't there yet"

"He might have changed his mind"

"Did he say anything?" the girl asks suddenly panicked but Evelyn only shrugs. "I mean... look at him"

The girl shifts her gaze back to her boyfriend and a sweet expression immediately paints on her face. Ben was watching the tv, rhythmically stroking the back of his niece, who was enjoying the attention quite happily, and only a few minutes before he had fallen asleep. The two of them made a pretty picture, Evelyn had just found the perfect birthday gift for her brother.

"Well... I mean..."

"It's okay" Evelyn chuckles, "but I'll totally casually remind him to spend some time with you too"

"How kind of you" the girl replies smiling sarcastically, "but remember if you don't see it doesn't mean it won't happen" Deb finishes it all with a wink and Evelyn shakes her head.

"Ew ew okay enough. Enough said" pretending to feel sick, Evelyn gets up from her seat heading to the fridge and opening it only to close it again finding nothing to her liking.

"I need-" the doorbell rings at that moment making her sigh and she heads for the door after signalling to the seated girl to stay where she is.

She then hurries to open the door before the doorbell can ring through the house again, she really should put up a sign like 'sleeping baby. Ring and wait' or something like that. And she really needs to stop going to open doors because every time she finds herself in front of someone completely unexpected and stands speechless.

"Hi" he murmurs passing a hand behind the back of his head slightly embarrassed as she leans over to the clothes rack next door grabbing the first jacket she finds and making her way out closing the door behind her.

"What are you doing here?"

"You don't live in your house anymore and you don't answer your phone so-"

"There's a reason, Lucas" she interrupts him coldly crossing her arms over her chest after putting on that jacket. "You can't just show up after months and...and then how the hell did you know where I was?"

"I know a lot about you Evelyn" he states sighing almost regretfully and the girl rolls her eyes, "True, unfortunately"

"Don't do that, don't put up this wall with me" the boy runs a hand through his hair, "I know I was a complete idiot but I got scared and freaked out. Can you blame me?" Evelyn doesn't answer as she lowers her gaze and sighs and he takes the moment to lean in closer.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I know I can't go back. But I'm here for you, for the baby and I want to be there for you two no matter what. When the due-"

"Does that look like a nine-month belly to you?" she interrupts him again, her breath dying in her throat as she realises the little space between them. Despite this she looks into his eyes, seeing the moment when he seems to connect what has been said. She sees the flash that crosses his eyes and the incredulous expression on his face.

"It’s already..." he tries to speak but it's all too much in the moment as she nods.

"Your daughter is already almost a month old for what it's worth" he looks at her again as if to make sure he's not teasing her or something before pulling her to him suddenly and kissing her. And Evelyn gets carried away by all that, by the sense of familiarity, before she actually realizes what she's doing and pushes Lucas away.

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry. Sorry I..." he runs a hand through his hair visibly in distress.

"Just... don't try this again" Evelyn mutters with the urge to pull her hair out of her head, why does everything have to be so complicated?

"Can I see her?" he breaks the silence that had been brewing and she opens her eyes wide, that no coming out of her mouth so quickly.

"Evelyn please. I need to see her"

"Need?! You don't need anything, let alone you have any rights to her"

"I'm her father"

"Right now my brother is much more her father than you are"

"Don't be so difficult now, do you think these months have been easy for me?"

"I'm the one who was left alone to carry a pregnancy! So forgive me if I'm hurting your feelings. I'm sorry if I don't trust you anymore" inevitably spirits heat up and inevitably the tone of voice becomes higher as she raises her arms to the sky in exasperation.

"What's going on?" the door suddenly opens revealing Ben with a serious expression on his face. Evelyn can't tell if she's more relieved to see him or worried about how things might turn out now.

"Nothing Ben don't worry, Lucas was just leaving" she then tries not to let her brother step in any further.

"No I wasn't. I'm not leaving if you don't let me see my daughter first" he retorts and the girl holds herself back from screaming right there in that moment at the risk of sounding crazy and instead just rolls her eyes. As Ben steps forward putting himself between the two of them and making the boy take a couple of steps back. He looks him seriously in the eye trying to tell him that he wouldn't let him in either, that there would be serious trouble if he didn't get off his property in the blink of an eye.

"Come on man" he murmurs before realising that no one would be on his side and throwing up his hands in surrender. Ben, protective, doesn't move an inch as the boy about the same height as him shifts slightly to the side to look Evelyn in the eye. "You have my number. Please call me, I'll be in town for a few more days"

-

She had been so stupid. She had convinced herself all that time that she would be alone, that he would never come back into her life or play a role beyond that of the absent father in her baby's life. But he had come back. He had shown up at her doorstep, throwing months and months of progress away, messing up her thoughts and feelings like a tornado. Naively she hadn't prepared herself for that eventuality and had come out exhausted from the endless thoughts that had started running through her head adding to the ones already there, from the questions she needed and wanted answers to, from the opinions of others.

Lucas had inevitably been the topic of the rest of the day. Ben could think far more clearly than she could not knowing him and absolutely did not want him anywhere near his niece because he hadn't been there and didn't deserve it. But Deb had tried to talk some sense into him, arguing that the situation could still work itself out if he really wanted to be part of his daughter's life. That it was okay to give people a second chance. And Evelyn had had to intervene at the end, calming them down, begging them to keep it down because it wasn't worth it. Her daughter's father certainly didn't have the best reputation among her family members, and she certainly wasn't going to let him come between them.

"You will see him again won't you?" Ben shook his head slightly, an almost mocking expression on his face as she rolled her eyes in annoyance at her brother's sudden stubbornness.

"Ben, do you understand that this is my daughter's father we're talking about? It's not easy"

"It was easy for him to leave you both" he states scornfully looking at her.

"If it was up to me alone I would have slammed the door in his face as soon as I saw him. But I definitely don't want to be the cause of a failed relationship between Cece and Lucas, if there could be one"

"Just do whatever you want" Ben brushes everything off with a hand gesture getting up and heading towards his room, and Evelyn really wants to throw something at him but she holds back and instead picks up her phone.

-

The door in front of her opens as if Lucas was waiting behind the peephole as soon as Evelyn arrives on the floor of his room.

"Hi. Thanks for calling me" he smiles moving to the side allowing her and the pram to get inside. She just murmurs something, she would like to sound more confident after all she has the upper hand but a nervous sense in the pit of her stomach makes her feel so stupid.

"I'm sorry, she's sleeping. It's okay if we talk first?" his shoulders loosen slightly but he nods and smiles slightly despite everything signalling her to take a seat on the bed.

"But you can still... see her if you want? Just be careful not to wake her up or she'll get fussy" Evelyn smiles genuinely seeing the boy's reaction, seeing a real smile break out on his face this time as he carefully approaches and leans over the pram.

"Oh my god she's... she's gorgeous"

"Yeah she is" she murmurs watching him turn his head for a moment letting her see his smile before returning his focus to the sleeping baby.

When he reaches her on the bed he still has a smile on his lips as he runs both hands over his face and through his hair pulling them lightly as if to convince himself even more that he isn't dreaming. "Oh I still can't believe she's ours"

"Yeah, it's pretty surreal" she states and as if it's a completely normal thing she reaches out to fix his hair that he had inadvertently messed up moments before.

"They took it... my um house. The job" she says awkwardly suddenly cursing herself immediately afterwards for how embarrassing she is sometimes.

"I'm sorry" he whispers taking her hand between his so casually and caressing it. And Evelyn pulls it away moving her gaze around the room, playing with her knuckles and starting to think that maybe it hadn't been such a great idea to meet in that room alone. But she'd been so unnerved by the argument with Ben when she'd called him that she hadn't given it much thought.

"Listen when I showed up yesterday...I didn't mean to cause you any trouble" Lucas distracted her from her thoughts so she returned her focus to the boy in front of her.

"It was inevitable I guess after all" she shrugs, "my brother... I mean he doesn't like you that much"

"I can imagine why"

"I didn't think you'd come back" she admits then sincerely.

"I didn't either" he replies just as sincerely as her, "it's just that I've been thinking about it a lot these last months and... I don't know, I thought it was the right thing to do"

"I'd like you to be a part of Cece's life, Luke. More than anything. But if you feel forced in any way..." he looked down for a moment before sighing.

"I just want to be there. I wish I'd behaved differently at the time, unfortunately there's no going back. But we can pick up where we left off, maybe sort out my house and-"

"Wait, wait. You're going too fast. If you want to be a part of Cece's life, your daughter's life, you're more than welcome. That's what a mature person would do after all. But don't expect anything else"

"You have someone else?" instinctively Evelyn rolls her eyes.

"I have a daughter. Do you understand it's different than when it was just you and me?"

"So you still love me?"

"Are you listening to what I'm telling you or not!"

"You're not listening to me. I want to make things right between us Eve, for our family"

"You left us, Lucas. You said you didn't feel like raising a child right now. Then you change your mind, come back and think everything can be fixed just like that?" inevitably Evelyn's tone of voice became harsher.

"What can I do to fix this then?" he asks and thankfully Cece comes to the rescue, choosing that very moment to start fussing. Evelyn is quick to get up and put space between the two of them, taking the little girl in her arms and cradling her lightly making her feel her presence. And when she turns to Lucas she can't help but smile, recognising herself in his expression as he looks at the little girl in her arms in amazement and fear.

She sits back down on the bed again and carefully places the little girl in his arms, allowing the two of them to really get to know each other for the first time. She looks at them carefully and emotions she cannot name start to mix inside her.

She is happy for her baby, the road may be long but it seems less dark now. And her heart is beating fast in her chest, but not that fast. She has a lump in her throat, but she can still breathe. And she knows why.

------

Tag: @alexajanecollins @emwritesfootball @rosie7703

Chapter 17

[mythicalsecretsanta]

12 Days of Christmas... Almost (E)

This gift is for: Cal (AKA @mythicalamity) Surprise! Keeping this secret from you for the last month wasn’t easy! Thank you for being the kindest, most loving friend I’ve ever had in this fandom and for being a pretty spectacular person in the real world as well. Merry Christmas, Cal! From your Secret Santa, @fanbabble​

Link to AO3, or read below:

The Holiday season was in full swing at Mythical, as much as it could be at least. The virus had put quite a damper on festive activities across the world and Myth Ent was no exception. There were lights strung up and a Christmas tree, but there would be no company Christmas party this year, no cookie exchange, no getting together at each other’s homes for dinner parties or gift swaps. The mood in the office was a little low and Link found himself looking for ways to encourage positivity and the good feelings of the season. That’s why when Stevie suggested a secret santa gift exchange, Link took the idea and ran with it. Employees would play secret santa leaving their secret giftee presents for the 12 days leading up to Christmas. Not only would this game bring a bit of fun into the office, but it could also be done safely as social distancing was a literal part of the rules. You couldn’t reveal your identity to your giftee until the final day of the exchange. It was perfect!

Rhett was less than excited about the prospect. He complained to Link about not wanting to participate. He was nervous he wouldn’t know what to get the person he chose or how to keep the secret. Rhett’s enneagram three-ness was getting in the way of him enjoying himself again. He was worrying too much about impressing the person he got, rather than letting himself relax and have fun with the idea. Link finally convinced his friend to participate. 

“How would it look if one of the owners of the company didn’t play along?”

“Fine. But if my gifts turn out to be duds and ruin someone’s Christmas it’s your fault!” Rhett said as he stood to join Link and walk down the hall to the Mythical kitchen for the name exchange.

Chase mixed the names of everyone in a Santa hat. The in-office folks would be in one drawing and the staff who were working virtually would draw amongst themselves. In all there were about 15 names in the hat that Chase held shut in his grasp. The group took turns reaching their hands in to pick a slip of paper with their giftees name written on it. The PAs went first, followed by the camera men, then the directors, followed by Chase, Stevie, and finally Rhett and Link. 

Rhett stuck his hand into the Santa hat. His gaze was trained on the little opening. 

“No peekin’!!” Link smacked his arm and scolded him. 

“I’m not! Besides There’s literally only one name left in the hat, Link.” 

The kitchen filled with the crew’s laughter. 

“Can’t exactly pick and choose who I want, man.”

Rhett glanced at his friend and then looked at the little slip of paper. The apples of his cheeks became more obvious as a small smile spread across his face. He grasped the paper close to his chest and then tucked it into the pocket of his jeans. 

Everyone in the kitchen celebrated the exchange with a cupcake whipped up by the Mythical Kitchen and then retreated back to their personal space to finish up the day’s work. 

Before the office door was even fully shut Link was in Rhett’s space. 

“Who’d ya get?”

“What?! I’m not telling you. It’s not fair.” Rhett sat down in his office chair and opened his laptop.

“Come on, Bo. Tell me. I got…”

“STOP” Rhett put his hands up to his ears as if to block out what Link was about to reveal. “I don’t wanna hear it. Let’s do this right. Keep it a secret.” 

“Since when do you care about keeping this kinda stuff secret? You usually can’t wait to tell me everything and anything,” Link was teetering on the fine edge between annoyed and amused.  

“Well this year is different. If this is one of the only ways the company gets to celebrate then I wanna do it right.”

“Fine,” Link huffed. He flopped down on the leather couch and draped his arm over his eyes. “You don’t want to tell me, that’s your business, but don’t come begging for gift ideas when you come up dry.” And with that healthy dose of snark the smaller man settled in for an afternoon nap. 

The next day Link walked into their office and threw his jacket over the back of the gray chair that sat by the door. He put his backpack on the floor by his desk and was just about to head to the office kitchen for a cup of coffee when he noticed a box sitting by his desk lamp. He picked it up and examined it. 

“Dang, my santa must get here early.”

It was only 7 AM and Link had just arrived to an empty building. The box was wrapped in shiny green paper and tied with an elegant red bow. He turned it over in his hands looking for some kind of tag or label. When he found nothing, Link slipped the ribbon from the package and pulled off the lid. Inside was a perfect golden pear tucked into a pillow of soft fabric. Link wasn’t sure what to do with the gift so he sniffed it to confirm it was a real piece of fruit. He lifted the pear out of the box and saw that a small note was hidden underneath. He held the pear in one hand and opened the slip of paper with the other. 

“On the first day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me,

A partridge in a pear tree”

-You may be a “sweet peach” but I think we’d make a great “pear”  Love, Your secret admirer

Link read over the note three times before he could totally comprehend what it said. He turned it over to look for any kind of identifying mark or signature. There was nothing to be found. He blushed hard and tucked the note into his pocket. It had been a long time since he had had anyone in his life, much less a Love, but he knew no one at Mythical felt that way about him and even if they did it would be totally unethical to pursue anything. Link was sure it was just some kind of joke by one of the writers and tucked the green box into his backpack before heading off to get his coffee.

When Rhett came in half an hour later, he was all nervous energy and talking 90 miles a minute. He said it was because he had almost gotten into a car accident on the way in. He had found his Secret Santa gift sitting on the back of the toilet in the bathroom and showed it to Link. 

“It’s gotta be Jordan, man,” Rhett said as he held out the bag for Link to inspect, “Who else would give me a bag of cotton candy?” 

Link peeked inside the gift bag and said, “Seems kinda obvious, but it’s possible.” He couldn’t help but let his thoughts wander back to the little green box he had received and the love note that it contained. 

“Earth to Link,” Rhett took the bag back and set it on his desk. “You alright man?”

Link shook his head to clear his mind and refocus on the man before him. “Oh yeah, sorry. Must need more coffee.” He held up his empty mug and headed toward the office door. 

As he reached for the doorknob, Rhett asked quietly, “Did you get your first gift yet?”

Link paused and laughed without looking back, “Yeah, pair of socks. Womp womp,” then he headed out the door.

Over the course of the next few days, Link continued to receive themed gifts from his Secret Santa that left him giddy and baffled at the same time. The first two were silly, Turtle and Dove chocolates for Day 2 and three fried chicken legs for Day 3. They were both accompanied by notes that talked about how much the gifter liked Link and they were both signed “Love, Your secret admirer.” Link still wasn’t sure what to make of the declarations, but he played along and let himself feel special for the moment. Even if he was still convinced it was all a joke. Until Day 4 that is. 

On Day 4 Link walked into the office late to find a small book tied up with a ribbon. “Native birds of the National Parks” The gift was incredibly thoughtful and one that he would definitely use on future adventures. A folded piece of paper was tucked inside the chapter about Denali National Park. It read,

“On the fourth day of Christmas,

My true love gave to me,

Four calling birds”

- Bird calls are beautiful, but the idea of calling you mine is even better.  Love, Your secret admirer

Link opened the book again to the page about the birds of Denali. There was only one person he had ever told about wanting to visit the park covered in glaciers and snow. Rhett. Could his secret admirer be Rhett? Link’s head swam with the possibility. 

He had been in love with his best friend for most of his life, but he had kept it hidden away out of fear of losing the one person in the world who was most important to him. Surely, Rhett was not the person who was his Secret Santa. Link felt a burst of warmth spread across his chest as he let himself entertain the idea for a moment. What would it be like to finally feel those arms around his body? To finally kiss Rhett’s lips? To own his heart as well as his friendship?

As he stood there lost in his own thoughts, the man in question came barreling into the office. Link stuffed the book into his desk drawer and turned quickly to face his friend. 

“Hey, Rhett, how’s it going?” 

Link did his best to maintain his cool. He watched his friend as he moved about the office getting settled for the day. He assessed his behavior for any clues or signs that he might be the “Secret Santa Secret Admirer.” 

“Pretty good. I added some new reps to my workout and now my abs are killing me.” Rhett rubbed his hand across his stomach. His t-shirt pulled taught and drew Link’s eye to the spot. Link felt his breath catch from the promise of what was underneath. His eyes roamed over the broad chest and thick arms. The way the shirt sleeves hugged Rhett’s biceps was criminal. Link knew he would have to control his thirst better if he hoped to get any hints about what role Rhett actually played in all of this. He cleared his throat and got a hold of himself. 

“What time did you get here this morning?” Link asked as casually as he could. He fiddled with the monitor on his computer to appear slightly uninterested in Rhett’s response. 

“What? Just now. You saw me walk in.”

“I thought maybe you came in and left again.”

Rhett turned and opened his laptop. He busied himself with things on his desk while it booted up. 

“Nope. Just rolled in.”

“Oh cool,” Link paused before adding, “How’s your secret santa going?” 

Rhett reached for a pen and knocked his coffee mug off balance spilling yesterday’s brown stuff over his desk and onto his lap.

“Shit!”

Link jumped up and grabbed the roll of paper towels he kept by his desk. He pulled off a handful and held them out to Rhett. 

“Can you clean this up for me, Buddyroll? I have to go over to wardrobe and find some different pants to wear or I’ll smell like an old coffee pot all day.” Rhett grabbed the towels and dabbed at the wet spot that stretched across his thighs. 

“Yeah, go ahead. I got this.” Link began to mop up the spilled coffee as Rhett headed out the door. His interrogation would have to wait for another day.

Days 5 and 6 were once again oddly funny gifts. If Rhett was the secret admirer it would make sense because he was the funniest person Link knew. A lifetime of laughter with Rhett had been the tradeoff for hiding the fact that he loved the man immensely. The idea that his love might be returned was more than Link had ever let himself hope for. 

The notes included with the gifts were just as tender as the previous ones. Day 5’s onion rings were accompanied by a slip that described Link as “more valuable than a golden ring” and day 6’s half dozen eggs had a note that read “You are a good egg, who makes my heart happy.”

Link enjoyed the sentiment, but nothing struck him as particularly suspicious. Day 7 was, however, a game changer.

That morning as Link walked past the dark studio a glimmer caught his eye. He set his backpack and Jade down and walked onto the GMM set where he found a string of origami paper birds strung together on a piece of gold silk ribbon. The swans were hanging across the back of the set from wall to wall. There must have been at least 50. Each bird’s wings was dipped in silver glitter and twinkled in the low light giving the set a magical air. Link stood back and took in the beauty. 

When he looked closer he saw each swan was made of sheet music. Link held one small bird in his fingers gently and examined it. He would recognize those chords anywhere. It was Merle. These paper swans were made with sheet music of Merle Haggard’s song, “Always Wanting You.”

“This has to be a gift,” Link whispered to himself. 

Link held his breath, afraid if he moved he would scare away the one idea he wanted to be true most in the world. That his secret santa was not only Rhett, but that the man was in love with him as well. 

A larger piece of paper flapped at the end of the string of birds. Link grabbed it and saw that his name was indeed on the front of the folded slip. He opened it and read:

“On the seventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Seven swams a swimming”

- Like Merle said, “Always wanting you, but never having you makes it hard to face tomorrow.”   Love, Your Secret Admirer

Link couldn’t believe what he was reading. This had to be confirmation that Rhett was his secret admirer and secret santa. Jade sniffed at his shoes as if she were looking for the answer to a question he didn’t know. Link gently took the chain of birds down, gathered his things, and headed back to his office. 

When he opened the door, he was surprised to see the big man sitting at his desk already. He was speaking loudly on the phone about a new project they were working on. 

“No, damn it. I don’t want to cut that part! I purposely included it to help the flow of the story.” 

Rhett’s voice bounced off the brick walls. His tone was harsh. Link thought better of questioning him right now and tucked the birds into his backpack. He sat back on the couch and opened his laptop for the day. Jade snuggled into Link’s side and he petted her head mindlessly. His thoughts were only of Rhett. As he waited for his computer to boot up, Link watched Rhett. 

“It has to be him. Who else would use Merle?” Link thought to himself, “Oh you’re being an idiot. Everyone knows you love Merle Haggard, dummy. It could be anybody.” 

Link sunk down into the leather cushions and sulked. Not knowing for certain was exhausting. Only 5 more days to figure out this mystery. He glanced down at the paper swans one more time and smiled softly. 

Day 8 brought a bottle of chocolate milk and a note that read, “You’re the milk to my cookie” 

Link drank it in front of Rhett at lunch to see if he would get a reaction. Nothing. Well, with the exception of the way those green eyes sparkled when he belly laughed at a joke or the way Rhett put his hand on Link’s back as they left the office to head to record an episode of Ear Biscuits. Link noticed those things, but he couldn’t be sure if they were a reaction to the milk or to being close to Link in general. 

Link had caught Rhett in a lingering gaze more than once since the Seven Swans gift. And when they were alone together it felt like a spark was fizzing between the two of them. Something was going on, Link was sure of it. He just needed a little more proof before he could confront Rhett. His friendship was entirely too valuable to risk on an assumption.

On day 9, Link climbed into the driver’s seat of his car. He reached down to grab his sunglasses and was surprised to find something extra resting on the console. It was an old school cassette tape. Just like the kind he and Rhett used to exchange in high school. They would spend hours making the tapes and then driving down the back roads listening to their creations and singing at the top of their lungs. If he was honest, those times were when he first fell in love with Rhett. 

Link flipped the cassette over in his palm. On the outside of the case where the album art would usually be, was his name. Link immediately recognized it as Rhett’s handwriting. He opened the case and found a piece of paper folded in fourths tucked inside. It read:

“On the ninth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me

Nine ladies dancing.”

- I kept trying to find a funny pun for this day, but all I could focus on was singing these songs with you as we drove down the highway in North Carolina. I’ve tried to hold out to the end of the 12 days, but this secret is an old one and I don’t want to keep quiet anymore. If you feel the same, find me in the office at work and tell me. If not just toss this cassette in the trash and pretend it never happened.  Love, Your Secret Admirer 

Link was quiet for a moment and then, “Rhett! It’s Rhett! He loves me!” Link yelled at nobody in particular. Just saying the words out loud made him feel less like it was all a dream and more like it was real life. He threw his things into the passenger’s seat. In his flustered state he tried to check the time on his sunglasses and put his phone on his nose. He shifted into reverse and sped down the block. 

Link’s heart was pounding in his chest. He was breaking every speed limit on the way into Burbank, but he did not care. Let a cop try and stop him now, nothing could keep him from getting to Rhett. Link pulled into the parking lot in record time and he bolted out of his car and through the studio doors. He was running at full speed back to the office he shared with Rhett. His Rhett. Link took a deep breath and pushed the door open. 

The office was empty. Where was he? Link knew he didn’t pass him on the way through the building. He stood still for a moment and wrung his hands trying to think of what to do next. Just when he was starting to worry that Rhett had panicked and ran, he heard footsteps coming down the stairs of their loft. 

Link watched as Rhett appeared slowly, first feet, then legs, torso, and finally that glorious head of hair. 

“Link…” 

Rhett barely got the word out before the smaller man was launching himself across the office and into his arms. He melted into the embrace and pulled Link tighter against him. They took just a moment to look into each other’s eyes before their lips met. The kiss was strong and full of promise. Link opened his mouth to deepen the kiss and the passion kicked in. Rhett lifted Link up with his hands under the smaller man’s thighs and carried him to the couch. 

They pressed heated kisses into skin and hair. Marking their love on the other’s body wherever they could find purchase. Hands roamed pulling hair and grabbing biceps. And when Rhett laid Link down on their couch and pressed his body to the cradle of Link’s hips there was no denying that both men were hard with desire already. 

Link gasped with the sensation of being so close to Rhett. The feeling of his hard cock pressed against Rhett’s made his head swim and he pulled back to catch a breath. Rhett took the opportunity to say something he’d been holding in for decades.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” 

Each declaration was punctuated with a kiss. Link’s collar bones, his neck, his temple.

Link pulled Rhett close and whispered into his ear, “I’ve loved you my whole life.”

It was all the permission Rhett needed. He worshiped Link’s body and rocked against him until they were both finishing in their jeans like teenagers. Sticky and satisfied the pair laid together on the couch exchanging lazy kisses and gentle touches. Trying to make up for all the lost time they denied themselves. 

Link was half asleep and half in awe of the way Rhett looked. He laid silently and listened to Rhett as he said, “I can’t believe it worked. I thought for sure you’d throw the cassette away.” 

Link ran his fingers through Rhett’s curls gently. 

“You doubted me? Haven’t you figured it out yet, Bo? All you have to do is be the brave one and I’ll follow your lead.” He placed a kiss on Rhett’s tshirt right about his heart. “Thanks for being the brave one.” Rhett kissed the top of Link’s head and grunted in affirmation.

Link snuggled into Rhett’s chest and closed his eyes. Just as he was about to doze off the smaller man popped up and looked Rhett in the eye. 

“Don’t think just because you love me, you’re getting out of giving me gifts. I have three days left and I want my secret presents.” Link flashed his crooked grin and poked at Rhett’s side. 

Rhett let out a booming ho-ho-ho laugh before pulling Link back down against his chest.

“You can have anything you want, Link. Diamonds, rubies. I don’t need any presents though because I’ve already got the most valuable gift of the season… you.”