melancholicheart

[melancholicheart]

just me, myself and my max verstappen art

[melancholicheart]

They didn’t see each other for 3 days so it’s understandable that they crush each other 🫤

[melancholicheart]

I'M FOAMING AT THE MOUTH | via vhenan_virabelasan on insta এ

[melancholicheart]

Borders 🚧

[melancholicheart]

Ghost/Soap farm au - guard dog

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 10 (END)

!FINALE!

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

“I wanna take you out,” Simon says, out of the blue. “You and Elizabeth, tonight. My treat.”

“Oh yeah?” Johnny quirks a brow and smiles at Simon, “What’s the occasion?”

Simon is silent for a short moment but Johnny, ever the expert on the body language of Ghost, sits bolt upright and stares at him intently, “Simon, what’s the occasion?”

“I- I’ve handed in my notice. Yesterday, to Price before they left. Effective immediately.” Simon mumbles. He watches Johnny’s face to gauge a reaction, “I’m not going back.”

“You’re- not? You’re being serious?” Johnny asks.

“Deadlier than a .50 Cal.” He jokes.

Johnny’s face erupts into pure elation. Whether he means to or not, he throws himself at Simon. He wraps his arms around his neck and holds him tightly as he laughs at himself, “You really mean it?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you, Johnny,” Simon sighs. He rests his nose in the nape of Johnny’s neck and breathes in gently. Johnny’s scent has always calmed him and he closes his eyes gently, “I’ve handed my notice in so I can be here for you and Elizabeth. If- if that’s still what you want, that is.”

“Of course it is,” Johnny mumbles. He lessens his grip a little but stays in Simon’s arms, “It’s all I’ve thought about for a long time now.”

Simon smiles and opens his eyes, looking over Johnny’s shoulder and seeing the door to Elizabeth’s room where she is playing.

“So, can I take you both out? I want to ask Elizabeth if she wants me to stay for good, no more army and whatnot. Then, if she says yes, I’ll start looking for a place of my own so I’m not in your hair all the time.” Simon explains.

“Yes you can take us out but you don’t need to find a new place. You’re fine here, Si, you should stay with us.”

“What, in your bed? I can’t stay here forever, I’ll just be holding you back from things again.”

Johnny shakes his head, “No you won’t, I want you to stay. I like having you back around

Simon and I- well, it’s nice to not have an empty bed anymore.”

Simon isn’t convinced. Johnny has always been too nice for his own good. Hell, the fact he even let him in the house when he appeared on his doorstep is testament to that, but Simon lets it drop for now.

He takes time to book a reservation, at a Mexican restaurant that Johnny says is Elizabeth’s favourite place. He thinks about Alejandro and Rudy, already retired and beginning the process of adoption right now. He wonders what they would think of him, of what happened with Johnny and about Elizabeth. He imagines Alejandro would be head over heels for her, picking her up and throwing her in the air. Rudy would be more careful and wouldn’t treat her like a kid. He would talk to her and braid her hair and Simon feels a smile grace his features as he thinks of his little family being with his dysfunctional work family.

Five PM rolls around. They voted for an earlier dinner so Elizabeth could be in bed at a reasonable time. Her school life starts next week and Johnny is trying to fit her into a routine now so the first day isn’t as daunting for her.

Simon is dressed casually but nicely. He has straight black jeans on and a button up grey shirt that tucks into the waistband of his pants well. He wears his leather jacket over the top. He can’t find Johnny or Elizabeth about though so he tiptoes to her room and peaks in at the door.

Johnny is dressed too, nice pants on and a black shirt with mesh shoulders and sleeves. His hair is styled messily and Simon goes weak at the knees and feels his face blush bright red as he looks at him in the reflection of the mirror he’s sat before. Elizabeth has on a shirt and skirt combo, tights with butterfly patterns etched into them and a black skirt swishes around her legs. She just has a white shirt on, pleasantly clean for a four year old, and Johnny is expertly tying butterfly adorned bobbles into the two plaits on the side of her head.

Johnny catches Simon’s eye in the mirror and smiles as he leans forwards and kisses the back of Elizabeth’s hair, “All done baby.”

Elizabeth jumps up promptly and startles when she sees Simon in the doorway before smiling. She thanks Johnny for doing her hair and says, “Daddy! Look how pretty Papa’s shirt is!”

It’s Johnny’s turn to blush as he tugs on the loose shirt, “It’s not- I dunno- too much is it?”

Simon shakes his head and picks Elizabeth up after she raises her arms at him. He is a natural already, he knows all her tells and what she wants all the time, “I think you look amazing, Johnny.”

“Thanks, Si,” Johnny shows a nervous smile, “You look great too.”

“Wa’ about me? Am I pretty?” Elizabeth asks and Johnny chuckles.

He walks over to them and he smiles at Lizzie, gently running a thumb over her soft cheek, “You look beautiful, darling.”

Once everyone is happy and ready, they drive to the restaurant and Elizabeth bounces giddily as Johnny and Simon hold her hands and lift her up the stairs. She swings from their arms and babbles on about tacos and chilli and Simon doesn’t think he’s ever heard her talk quite so much.

They are seated quickly and Simon tells Johnny to have something to drink if he likes and Simon will drive them home. He gets a beer, after a little persuasion whilst Simon and Elizabeth both drink J2O.

Their meals don’t last long, Elizabeth devours her tacos and a plate of chips as Simon watches in shock. He got chilli nachos, the same chilli in the tacos, and he thinks it is super spicy but Elizabeth doesn’t seem fazed. Johnny, as always, gets chicken enchiladas. They talk a little over their food but not about anything important.

It’s domestic, Simon notes. So normal and natural, everyone else in the busy restaurant doing the exact same thing, but Simon’s heart is beating out of his chest with pure elation at feeling so ordinary.

When they place their dessert orders, Simon and Johnny share a look and Simon turns to Elizabeth before clearing his throat. Johnny sips from his light beer and watches.

“Elizabeth, sweetie, can I talk to you?” Simon asks.

She nods but looks a little sheepish. She sips her drink through a straw and then says, “Am I in trouble?”

Simon shakes his head, “No Lizzie, don’t worry, I just want to ask you a question?”

“Okay, Daddy.” She smiles and pays full attention to him.

“I- I wanted to ask if you would like me to stay. If you would be okay with me moving in with you and Papa. I asked Grandpa Price if I could leave my job with him and he said I could so I can stay here with you and Papa. Would you like that?” He asks.

She is less enthusiastic than Johnny but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t excited. She nods quickly and rocks in her place in the booth a little, “So, you’ll stay forever?” She asks.

“If you would like me to, yes.” Simon says and she nods enthusiastically. She shuffles along the seat and cuddles her Dad.

“Yes please, Daddy,” She mumbles, “I won’t have to miss you then!”

Simon pouts and wraps his arms around her, “You’ll never have to miss me again, darling, I promise. I’m sorry I wasn’t here from the start for you.”

“‘s okay, Daddy, I have you AND Papa now. That’s pretty cool.”

Simon laughs and Johnny watches them both with a fond smile. Looking at Simon and Elizabeth together like that warms his heart and he is so happy for Simon. He’s known him for such a long time and seen everything he’s been through and for him to be as happy as he is in this moment makes Johnny feel so ecstatic.

When they’re back home and Elizabeth is tucked into bed, Johnny pours a glass of bourbon for himself and Simon and sits in the living room with him. Simon thanks him for the glass and takes a sip.

“I’m proud of you Simon,” Johnny mumbles, “You’ve adjusted to all of this so well and we’re so happy to have you.”

“Thankyou Johnny. I’m not gonna lie and say it isn’t a lot, because it is, but I wouldn’t want things to be any different.” Simon smiles.

Johnny places his glass on the coffee table and shuffles a little closer to Simon and places a hand on his forearm, “You don’t want to make any changes?”

Simon looks into Johnny’s eyes and feels like he’s transported back to the barracks. Johnny lay in bed, shirtless most likely, and with much shorter hair. His eyes would shine in the dark, guiding Simon like a beacon and he never once lost his way with Johnny by his side. He lets out a little chuckle into his glass before placing it down too.

“You’re right,” Simon smirks, “There is one thing..”

Johnny smirks back, “Is that so? Well tell me, Simon, what could possibly make your stay any better?”

Simon leans in, nose touching Johnny’s and a warmth overcomes him and trickles up his face. His lips are tingling and he bites his lip gently, “You.”

He presses his lips to Johnny’s just as soon as he stops speaking and he smirks at the surprised noise that emits from him. He licks into his mouth, tasting Johnny for the first time in so long and it’s like a breath of fresh-fucking air.

“Fuckin’ missed you.” Johnny breathes out lightly as he slides his hands up and rests them on the nape of Simon’s neck, gently running his fingers through the hair there.

“I missed you too, I missed this,” Simon mutters, pressing his lips back against Johnny’s and pulling back a little as he sinks his teeth into Johnny’s lower lip, pulling him with him, “I missed us.”

“Please come to bed with me,” Johnny mumbles, “Not to do anything, I just- I need to be with you, need to hold you.”

Simon nods but doesn’t move, encapsulating Johnny’s lips once more and sinking into it further, pressing him into the back of the couch as he hand cups Johnny’s face, thumb rubbing circles into his light stubble. He smiles to himself and mumbles, “I can’t believe that I have you back after all this time.”

“Let’s not do that again,” Johnny whines, “I don’t want to wait any longer.”

“Never again?” Simon asks, wrapping his pinky around Johnny’s and kissing their interlocked hands.

Johnny smiles and kisses them too, “Never.

ONE WEEK LATER

“Where’s Daddy?” Elizabeth whines, tugging on Johnny’s hand as he walks her across the road to school.

“I don’t know darling, he’ll be here soon though, okay?” Johnny explains and she nods.

“I want him here, I don’t want to go in without saying goodbye.”

Johnny rubs his thumb soothingly on the back of her hand and grumbles under his breath that Simon better not be late. They stand together in the school grounds, waiting for the teacher’s to let the kids in, and Elizabeth is scanning around the playground to find people her age to befriend. She sidles up closer to Johnny and tugs on his arm.

“That’s lots of people.” She mumbles.

“Don’t worry baby,” A voice behind her replies, “You’ll be everyone’s favourite soon enough.”

They both turn around and see Simon standing behind her. He has a bundle of paperwork under his arms but in the other hand he passes her a single daisy, long and bright, and he leans down to her height.

“Daddy!” She shrieks in delight. She throws her arms around his neck and he rests a hand on her back. “You made it!”

“Of course I did, I promised I’d be here, didn’t I?” He says and she nods.

“Had us worried for a minute there, Si.” Johnny says lightly, holding his hand out for him and helping him off the floor.

“I’m nothing if not a man of my word.” Simon smiles and wraps his arm around Johnny’s back as Elizabeth stands between them both, “I got the job, by the way.”

“You did? I thought you were only going for an interview?”

“They liked me, for some reason. They hired me there and then and I signed the contract,” Simon grins, “I am now a Veteran’s physiotherapist.”

Johnny had been shocked to learn that Simon had gone above and beyond in his medics training since Johnny left and has actually gotten medical qualifications in the time they’ve been apart. He is still training and perfecting what he does but he has snagged himself a job that he actually is excited about so fast and Johnny is so proud.

“Oh Simon, that’s amazing,” Johnny grins, “I’m so proud of you.”

Simon smiles and looks across the grounds where the teachers are calling the kids in. Johnny and Simon walk Elizabeth over to her teacher and both crouch down to hug her.

“Have an amazing first day, baby girl,” Johnny kisses her forehead, “Be good, learn lots. I love you and I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too, Papa. I love you.” She replies.

“Have a good day, sweetheart,” Simon mumbles, kissing her cheek, “We’ll both come and pick you back up later, okay?”

“Okay, I love you Daddy.” She says.

Simon freezes a little, looking into the little girl’s sincere eyes, and his own well up before he says, “I love you too, darling.”

She goes inside, her bag trailing behind her in her hands and Johnny wraps his arms around Simon and holds him as they walk back to the car, “She said she loves you!”

“So I didn’t just imagine that?” Simon mumbles.

Johnny chuckles and shakes his head, “I love you too, y’know?”

Simon smiles and kisses the tip of Johnny’s nose, aware they’re in public, “I love you too.”

And he does. Simon loves his family.

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 9

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

A soft squeak of the door disturbs Price. MacTavish’s flat is nice but loud, he’s hardly slept a wink all night, every noise puts him on edge. Just as he was drifting off, a slight slither of light peeks through the door and Price focuses his eyes as best as possible to see what the intrusion is all about.

The light shakes about gently and grows closer to him but he cannot see the person behind the light. He grumbles a little sleepily and pulls himself upright, almost jumping out of bed when a small face pops into view.

Elizabeth stands before him, brown curls sticking up in all directions and a nervous grin plastered on her sweet face.

“Elizabeth?” Price groans. He falls back down and groans, “What on earth are you doing awake? It’s like- 3:15 in the morning.”

“Cannae sleep Grampy Price.” She mumbles, toying with the small night light in her hands.

“You’re sure as shit your Papa’s kid ain’t ya.” Price laughs, receiving a light scolding from Elizabeth for his swearing. “Do you want me to take you to your Dad’s?”

She shakes her head and gestures to the blanket trailing behind her. She lies on the couch beside Price, wraps herself in her blanket and cuddles up to him, “Wan’ snuggle you, Grampy.”

Price groans and wraps his arms around her, smiling softly, “You’re lucky you’re polite otherwise I wouldn’t be letting you stay here. Did you wake Gaz?”

“Nah, I gave him my unicorn teddy so he’s good.” She explains. In her hands is Ricky and she cuddles him close.

The sleeping arrangements had been awkward. It’s a two bed flat, Johnny's room and Elizabeth’s, and splitting 5 people across those rooms seemed impossible. Gaz and Price always have sleeping bags with them, so Gaz took the floor in Lizzie’s room and Price took the couch. Neither of them were expecting Johnny and Simon to just stroll off to bed in the same room without an ounce of discussion.

“Tell me then,” Price says, “Why can’t you sleep, Miss Elizabeth?”

She mumbles so quietly that Price doesn’t hear, toying with her dinosaur. Price asks her to speak up and repeat herself when she mutters, “I miss my Daddy.”

“Your Daddy? He’s only in there, sweetheart, he hasn’t gone anywhere.” Price assures.

She shakes her head, “But he will! He has to save the world, Papa said so! I ‘ont want Daddy to go. I wan’ him to stay with me.”

Price sighs and holds her closer, “Oh Lizzie, I’ll make you a promise, alright? I’ll look after your Daddy if he comes back with me, I’ll make sure he comes and visits all the time, okay?”

She nods but doesn’t look convinced, “I’ll miss him.” She sounds teary-eyed and sleepy. Price sympathises with her and gently rubs his hand up and down her back.

“I know you would. Now, I can’t say for sure kiddo, but I think maybe your Daddy might want to stay here with you too.” Price sighs.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah kid.” Price mutters. She jumps up all of a sudden, wrapping her blanket around her shoulders and snatching up her nightlight.

“Bye Grampy!” She says, tottering off into her Parents’ room. Price watches her and laughs before lying back down and sighing.

“Went from having Johnny and Simon waking me up to their kid waking me up,” Price chuckles, “The boy’s are finally growing up.” He shuffles onto the couch till he’s comfy and thankfully manages to get a little more rest.

In the morning, Simon wakes up to chattering beside him.

He’s normally the first to wake and being disturbed like this isn’t usual for him so his eyes fly open and he awakens right away. Lay between him and Johnny is Elizabeth, nattering away to a sleepy looking Johnny who is doing his best to look alert and interested in her.

Elizabeth turns to Simon and squeals at him. She stands on the mattress, Johnny’s hands shooting out to steady her, as she tugs on the undoubtedly unruly blonde mop atop his head, “Daddy your hair’s so crazy!”

Simon laughs lightly and reaches his hand up to her hair, messing it up just like his, “Yeah well yours is even crazier!”

She giggles and jumps beside Johnny, lying on his chest and toying with his hand, “Papa, Daddy has a big scary voice.”

Johnny laughs. Simon’s voice is naturally gruff and deep but in the morning’s he’s hard to understand with how low his register is, “I know sweetie, he sounds like this.” Johnny mocks Simon’s voice and Elizabeth bursts into a fit of giggles and lies her head flat on Johnny’s chest.

Simon swipes her up and swings her into his arms, her squealing and wiggling as he runs through the door and into the kitchen/living area with her, grumbling lowly like a monster as she laughs.

Price is awake on the couch, thankfully, and before long, Gaz falls out of the bedroom door with an exhausted look on his face despite sleeping more than anyone else. There’s a drool stain on his cheek and the fact he is still holding a stuffed unicorn says that maybe he isn’t completely awake yet.

Johnny chases after his daughter and pleads with Simon for him to give her back. Eventually they compromise on sharing her and they cuddle up close to squeeze her tightly between them.

All morning Elizabeth’s infectious laughter carries through the flat and everybody is in the best mood of their lives. They’re all smiling and nobody is tense or angry like they used to be when all in a room together, ready to work.

Price watches from behind the scenes, sees how Simon interacts with everyone, watches how Elizabeth plays, sees how Johnny is watching Simon always and he hears his heart beating in his ears.

He drops his gaze down to his tea and drinks it up before suggesting, “Simon, can me and you go for a walk? Don’t know where I am and, well, I’m sure you can be my guide.”

Simon knows it’s a setup for a serious conversation but nods anyway and mentions getting his boots.

“Daddy I wanna come walk!” Elizabeth asks.

“Sweetheart, I won’t be long.” Simon reasons but she pouts and clings to him.

“I’ll be good!” She promises.

Simon caves instantly, “Alright but only so Papa and Gaz can hang out without us all, okay?”

She nods and bounds to her room, shouting for Johnny to help her get ready. Before too long, she is sat on Simon’s shoulders and giddily grinning as he carries her down the street.

Price walks alongside him, barely uttering a word other than small talk and, when they reach the park Simon decides to take them to, Price watches as Elizabeth runs off to the slide.

It’s midweek just before schools go back, many families are on holiday or preparing for the upcoming year so the playground is empty. Simon sits down on a swing and Price sits in the one beside him as they both gently push themselves on it.

There’s quiet for a minute. Simon is staring off at Elizabeth, making sure she’s being safe and careful whilst she plays, and Price is watching how Simon is. He looks for fear or panic on Simon’s features but finds nothing but pure adoration. Eventually, Simon speaks.

“Alright Price,” Simon sighs, “Spit it out.”

“Spit what out?” Price asks.

“What you want to talk about. Spit it out.” Simon mutters.

Price sniffs and sighs, “You know exactly what I want to ask you, Simon.”

“Then ask.”

Price kicks off the ground a little and sways more in the swing, “What are you doing, Simon?”

“Not sure I follow, Sir.” Simon mutters.

“You can’t tell me you’re sitting here right now, looking at that little girl over there and thinkin’ about leaving her again. You can't tell me you’re thinking about going back to that flat, looking Johnny in the eyes and telling him you’re not staying.” Price says, “And if you are, then you’re a bigger arsehole than anyone ever thought.”

“I don’t want to leave them, Captain, but I don’t want to see you struggle. You already lost Soap, the 141 will collapse without one of us and you know it.” Simon says, “I can’t just wave you out the door and let you go into a losing battle because I can’t guarantee your safety when I’ve not got your six.”

“Simon, Gaz has my back. I have other Sergeants and Recruits and allies that have my back. Will I miss you and your work? Sure. Will that little girl miss you more? Of course she will.” Price grumbles and stops the swing. “And Soap? He will miss you like all hell.”

“You overestimate how much he likes me.”

Price scoffs and chokes on a laugh, “He looks at you exactly like he did back before he left and you know it. You just don’t want to admit it.”

“Things aren’t the same anymore, Price,” Simon sighs. He looks up and watches as Elizabeth slides down the slide and looks up at Simon with glee in her eyes. She comes running over and Simon’s face softens, “It’s not just about me and him anymore.”

Elizabeth throws herself at him and he picks her up, swinging her onto his lap and holding her tightly as he rocks them both on the swing.

Price stands and places a hand on Simon’s shoulder, squeezing firmly, “It’s about all of you Simon. I know you’ll do what’s right.”

He begins to walk away and Simon stands with a sigh, holding Elizabeth on his hip and holding her like it’s the last time he ever will. They walk home without talking, only Simon and Elizabeth engage in conversation and when they get to the flat, Elizabeth flies inside and jumps onto the couch between Johnny and Gaz who are playing Minecraft.

Just before Price goes fully inside, Simon grabs his arm and pulls him back. He stares darkly at Price and reaches into the pocket of his cargos. A small pocket knife is produced, looking worn and well loved and he presses it into Price’s hands.

“What’s this?” Price asks.

“It’s my notice, Sir.” Simon hums, stepping back, “I am leaving the army effective immediately.”

Price smiles, squeezes the handle lightly and nods, “Good man, Lieutenant.”

“Just Simon will do, Sir.”

Price pulls him in for a hug, “I’m so proud of you, son.”

Simon feels tears touch his eyes and smiles into the embrace, “Thankyou, John. For everything.”

this is the penultimate chapter. buckle in for the final chapter on friday :)

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 8

cw: implied/referenced transphobia, trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

Simon hears Johnny loud and clear. Nods his head a little and sits back into the couch. He tries to speak, no words coming from his mouth, and he eventually commits himself to silence.

He agrees with Johnny. He doesn’t want to die in the field, lose his life on foreign ground, potentially not even get a slither of his body back to even bury, and he can’t imagine Elizabeth having to cope with that. He doesn’t want her to end up as fucked up as he was.

Before he can comprehend even making a full sentence, his phone vibrates on the chair beside him and Price’s name lights up the screen.

“We can carry on talking later,” Johnny assures, “I know you’re going to want time, Si. Take Price’s call.”

Simon nods and grabs his phone, placing it to his ear and managing a small ‘yeah’ as he answers the call.

“I have answers.” Is all Simon gets. No hello, no ‘how are you?’, just work. “Gaz and I are going to come over, we need to talk in person. I take it you’re with John and the kid?”

Simon mumbles another ‘yes’ before Price can be heard by both men in the living room, “Wheels up in 30. Be with you in about an hour, two tops. Be good to see Soap again, more excited about meetin’ the little ‘un though.”

“She’s great, Price.” Simon mutters and Johnny watches him from the side, a small smile creeping onto his face.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Elizabeth peaking around the corner and she jumps back when Johnny spots her. He smiles at her and beckons her over, the little girl racing to Johnny and jumping onto him as she dives for the couch. He catches her under her arms and swings her up onto his lap. Simon places his phone down and sighs. He turns and sees Elizabeth sat on Johnny, playing with his hair and squeezing his face and smiles.

“Price and Gaz know something.” He informs, “They’re on their way over, wanna talk in person. I bet you’ve missed them, Gaz especially I presume. He’s missed you, I can guarantee that.”

Johnny nods and smiles, cuddling Elizabeth close and nuzzling her chin with his nose, making her squeal with laughter as he tickles her, “Papa stop!”

“Never,” Johnny growls, tickling her more and she shrieks out again, “I’m never letting you go!”

“Daddy, help!” She wails and Simon chuckles, snatching his daughter from Johnny and holding her away from him.

“He’s so cruel to you isn’t he darling?” Simon muses, holding Elizabeth like a baby and kissing her forehead lightly, “Such a meanie.”

“A big meanie.” Elizabeth agrees as Johnny pouts.

“Hey!”

For the umpteenth time in Johnny’s life, time seems to both halt and fly by. Before he knows it, there’s a knock at the door and Johnny’s breath stills completely. Five years. Five fucking years since he’s even spoken to his best friend and former Captain, never mind seen them. His stomach sinks as Simon clambers to his feet and answers the door.

Johnny grabs a tight hold of Elizabeth and stands, slowly making his way to the door too where he sees Price and Gaz. Price is carrying a folder, tucked under his arms, and a casual jacket covers his arms. His facial hair is most certainly within ‘old man beard’ territory now with his hair curling a little behind his ears. Certainly longer than Johnny’s ever seen it.

Gaz is timeless. There isn’t a hair out of place on his head, not a single wrinkle or crease extra to be found. His biggest change has nothing to do with aging at all, more like trauma. Blunt force, to be specific. There’s a bump on his forehead, no doubt aging now since it isn’t bruised, but fresh stitches cover a slight cut in it. Likely from the butt of a gun. Johnny’s own head aches as he remembers the many injuries of the like he himself sustained.

“Papa,” Elizabeth mutters, eyeing the men cautiously and nervously tucking her face into his neck, “They the men in the pictures?”

Johnny nods, “Yeah sweetheart, they’re mine and Daddy’s friends. Uncle Gaz and Grandpa Price. He ain’t really your Granda’, it’ll just drive him mad if you call him that.”

“Soap,” Price says, pushing past Simon with Gaz in tow. Gaz claps a hand onto Simons’ bicep before following after the Captain. Johnny feels like he’s about to be chewed out for dangerous decision making or the likes when Price stands before him until he takes note of the man’s eyes. Relief, “It’s bloody good to see you son.”

“You too, sir.”

Price turns to Elizabeth and holds a hand out to her, “I believe you’re Miss Elizabeth, is that right?”

She nods and gently puts her hand into Price’s, him shaking her hand with a warm smile on his face, “A pleasure to meet you, kiddo.”

Elizabeth wiggles out of Johnny’s hold and runs over to Simon, wanting to be held by him instead, and Gaz takes the opportunity to throw himself at Johnny. Johnny holds onto Gaz and feels tears brewing in his eyes.

“You’re a fucking moron, Soap,” Gaz mutters, “You and Simon. God I’ve fuckin’ missed you, brother.”

“I’ve missed you too, Gaz,” Johnny whispers, “Coulda done with you throughout all o’ this.”

Gaz chuckles, “I bet.”

Simon taps Gaz’s shoulder and gestures to the angry looking child in his arms, “She wants you to stop swearing.”

“Oh shit, uh, I mean, yeah, sure kiddo! Bad first impression of your Uncle Gaz, ai?” Gaz rubs the back of his neck and smiles sheepishly. Elizabeth giggles at him and nods.

“Papa swears all the time!” Elizabeth chuckles.

“No I do not!” Johnny yelps.

Price chortles, “Nothing’s changed there then has it MacTavish?”

“No Sir.” He sighs.

Before long, they’re all well acquainted once more and Elizabeth takes her time playing with each of them and gauging how she feels about them all. She has taken a liking to Gaz, mainly because he does silly voices when she plays with him, but she keeps gravitating towards Price and climbing into his lap when she gets tired.

Eventually, she only wants the embrace of her Papa and climbs up into his arms. She seems tired, presumably from all the running around and playing she’s been doing, and she starts to nod off whilst tucked in between Johnny and Simon on the couch.

Simon, always believing in ‘no time like the present’, turns his attention to Price and clears his throat, “Are you going to tell us what you found or just sit and make small talk all day?”

Price chuckles at the Lieutenants tone but his smile quickly falls, “Yeah it’s- well, it ain’t pleasant stuff.” He turns and looks at Elizabeth who is pulling on Johnny’s shirt and dancing one of her dinosaurs on his stomach as her eyes flutter slowly. “Perhaps she’d be better in bed?”

Johnny nods and goes to move with Lizzie but she just whines and clutches onto Johnny tighter, “Baby, don’t you want to go to sleep? I will tuck you and Ricky in.” Ricky is her dinosaur pal.

She shakes her head, “A wanna cuddle.”

“We’re going to be having a rubbish grown up conversation,” He tries to reason, “Are you sure?”

She nods fervently, “I go sleepy here, Papa.”

“Alright, love, come here.” He holds her more comfortably and strokes her hair softly as she goes back to drifting off. He gestures towards Price and allows him to proceed.

“I’ll cut to the chase then,” Price clears his throat and stretches back into the chair, “Gaz and I did some digging, got in touch with Laswell too. All the calls are recorded and such and, well, the ones from you were locked away. When we listened, it was General Sutton that shut you down. I think he heard about your ‘situation’, John, because the last thing we picked up on was you saying you were expecting before the line went dead.”

Johnny shrinks into himself, “I- I already thought they hung up on me. That was the day I found out, I was sat on the bathroom floor crying and begging for them to let me speak to you or Simon.”

Price nods, “We know, son. Turns out, Sutton had plans for Ghost. Sent Simon out near enough the following day. Every call of yours, every letter, it’s been blocked or returned. Sutton wouldn’t let this slip up. He had heard what you said and knew that if Simon caught wind of it, he would’ve left and he didn’t want that.”

“That prick,” Simon grumbles, “Damn near killed me on those jobs and kept me away from this? From everything!”

“Sutton didn’t want to admit it, but Gaz and I- well- let’s just say we ‘forcefully’ took him, and we questioned him about it. He spilled his own secrets pretty quickly. Told us how he hated MacTavish, couldn’t believe the 141 took him in, hated the image we were giving the military by having John yet he recognised that you’re a bloody good soldier, Soap. He said that with you gone, we couldn’t afford to lose Ghost too and so, he elaborated this whole coverup so Simon would never find out about Elizabeth. Made you think that Simon forgot about you and Simon- he made you think John moved on.” Price finishes.

Simon looks at Gaz who is staring at his lap. He has anger seething from him and Simon recognises that they’re all hurt by this.

He turns to Elizabeth, tucked into Johnny’s side snoozing away, and sees his daughter. He’s not exaggerating when he says he could’ve died. There were a few close calls, a couple near misses and some poor timing over the last few years that nearly stripped his baby girl from ever meeting him.

Just like Johnny said, regardless of what he thinks of himself, his daughter looks at him like he’s made of gold and the thought of dying in the dirt without ever seeing her beautiful face or without ever making her smile the way she does around him almost kills him there and then.

He clenches his fist and mulls over Price’s words. It doesn’t fully sink in before Johnny speaks.

“Y’know when I was a kid and I first came out, I thought about the other kid’s reactions. How I was gonna be treated by them was all that mattered. I didn’t think I’d still be dealing with how people treat me just because I am who I am.” Johnny mumbles, curled up on the couch. Elizabeth is flat out and panned across Johnny whilst Simon is tightly pressed on the other side of her, practically cuddling Johnny.

He reaches behind the couch and grabs a hold of the scruff of Johnny’s neck. He pulls him towards him and Johnny gets the message and rests his head on Simon’s shoulder with a soft sigh.

Gaz clears his throat and speaks up. His tone indicative of his fighting tongue; “Sutton has been discharged. Dishonourably.”

“Good fuckin’ riddance if you ask me.” Price mutters. He clambers to his feet and gestures to the sliding door that leads to the barely-there balcony of the flat. Smoke break. Johnny nods as he strides over to the door.

“Swear,” Elizabeth mutters, “No swearing.”

Johnny and Simon look down and Johnny pouts, “Oh sweetheart, you don’t look comfortable at all. C’mon, let’s get you comfy.”

He stands up and sits her on his hip, her head pressed to his neck as he carries her through to his room.

Gaz turns to Simon, “He’s a natural Dad, huh?”

Simon nods, “He’s fuckin’ perfect, Garrick. Could do it all on his own if he had to.”

“But you don’t want him to?” Gaz asks.

Simon shakes his head, “God no.”

Johnny sits on the floor beside Elizabeth’s bed, knelt on his knees as he ricks her in and makes Ricky the Dinosaur kiss her nose. She giggles sleepily and grabs ahold of Ricky.

“Love you, Papa.” She mumbles, snuggling her toy.

Johnny leans over and kisses her forehead, brushing her crazy hair back as he smiles, “I love you more, darling girl.”

He sits for a while, just watching her as she sleeps. He strokes her hair repeatedly and sighs softly, a warm smile on his face.

The door clicks behind him and his shoulders tense.

“Is she asleep?” Simon’s voice breaks the silence.

Johnny nods. He hardly trusts his voice right now. Simon sits beside him and a hand snakes around his waist, “Johnny? Talk to me.”

Johnny turns to Simon, makes momentary eye contact, and tears immediately trickle down his face. Simon falters but quickly bundles Johnny into his arms and holds him tightly.

“I’m sorry Simon, I’m so so sorry.” Johnny hiccups, “If I’d have just- I don’t know. You would’ve known her, you would’ve been here from the beginning if I’d have just been- if I hadn’t-”

“Johnny don’t you dare say that,” Simon shoves him aside a little and grabs his face, staring into his eyes, “Don’t you think for one second that this would’ve all been fine if you hadn’t of been yourself. We would’ve never met, Elizabeth wouldn’t even bloody exist and you- Johnny you wouldn’t have been you. Shit happens, especially to us, but we’re here now and we have a beautiful daughter to look after. Let’s leave the past where it bloody belongs.”

Johnny nods a little, not breaking eye contact, and the tears just coat his lashes whilst his eyes remain shiny with unshed pain. Simon pulls him in close again and feels Johnny hug back. A slight chuckle sounds from Johnny, “Never thought I’d hear the day you, of all people, would say to leave the past in the past.”

Simon laughs a little too and rests his head on Johnny’s, “Yeah well I’m a little sick of living in the past. I want to live in the present, right now, where I have you and I have Elizabeth. I have the two things I’ve always needed but didn’t know what I was missing out on until I had it. Until I had you both.”

“We need you, Simon Riley,” Johnny sighs, watching his daughter as she breathes peacefully through her sleep. Simon does the same. “We need you so much more than you’ll ever know.”

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 7

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff with a happy ending

There seems to be a lull in time, it goes so fast, yet so slow. Another three days fly by before anyone hears back from Price again. There’s hushed words through the phone call, promises of closure soon, and with that the waiting game begins again.

Simon has since met Sarah, their neighbour, properly. Johnny invited her around for dinner and her daughter for a play date with Elizabeth. As the kids played, they ate and talked and learned about each other.

Sarah isn’t as blindly trusting as Johnny, it seems. Simon likes her. Despite her being polite, kind, friendly, it’s clear that she has some upset towards him. Maybe it’s the fact that she too is a single parent and knows how it impacts the kids. Or maybe she just doesn’t buy what he’s selling.

All is confirmed when, after dinner, Simon is washing up and Sarah comes into the kitchen. The apartment is open plan, kitchen and living room attached, but Johnny is slinking off into a bedroom to check on the two girls. Simon knows a conversation is coming and one he doesn’t exactly want to be apart of.

“So,” Sarah starts, pulling a bottle of coke out the fridge and pouring it into her glass, “I get the miscommunication between you two and I understand that yours and his work is- dangerous, to say the least.”

Here it is, Simon thinks, She’s got questions.

“But what I can’t seem to wrap my head around is why you never contacted him. It’s all well and good saying that he tried to call you and couldn’t get through but these things tend to work both ways,” Sarah says and Simon carefully places the last dish down and turns around as he dries his hands, “So tell me Simon, why didn’t you contact John? Why didn’t you so much as tell him you were alive before rocking up here after nearly 5 years?”

Simon flushes red, placing the towel down on the counter and leaning against it, “I- I fucked up, alright?”

“Sure did. You’ve missed out on a hell of a lot of that little girl’s life. She’s amazing and you had no idea she even existed,” Simon’s eyes fill with tears, “Hell, who's to say you aren’t lying about not knowing?”

Simon’s head snaps up, “I might be an idiot but I’m not a liar. I fucked up, big time, I get that but don’t think for one second that if I knew about Elizabeth I wouldn’t have been here in a heartbeat. I love her and I love Johnny, I want to go back and change how things happened but I can’t and alls I can do is be here now, alright?”

Sarah smiles, wide and it reaches her eyes, “Good man. That’s exactly what I want to hear. I like you Simon, truly, I think you’re a good Dad and a good partner for John. Just don’t fuck up again.”

“I won’t,” He shakes his head, “Also Johnny and I, we aren’t together.”

“But you want to be.” Sarah said.

“No,” Simon forces, “I want to be here for my daughter and I- I can co-parent with Johnny.”

“You just said that you love him. And don’t give me the ‘he’s the father of my child, of course I love him’ bullshit, you don’t mean platonically. You’re in love.” Sarah says. She looks behind her, making sure Johnny isn’t in earshot, “He loves you back, y’know? Hasn’t even so much as considered a date since you left, trust me, I’ve tried to get him to go out with someone- anyone- but he’s still waiting for you.”

“Yeah well I also said I fucked up. My feelings can stay inside as long as it means I don’t fuck up with Johnny anymore, as long as I don’t make his life any harder than I already have.”

“Sweetie I don’t think that’s possible,” Sarah laughs, “He’s done a lot on his own but maybe you and him can start making memories together? With your little ‘un too, obviously.”

“Right, yeah. Maybe.” Simon mumbles, desperate to just end the conversation.

Thankfully, Johnny comes back out with Elizabeth’s friend in tow, ready to go home with Sarah. They say their goodbye’s and see them out the door, Sarah flashing a knowing grin to Simon before the door shuts.

Elizabeth is asked to go and tidy her room and make sure all her toys are neatly back where they belong. She goes with little fuss, despite mumbling about how she ‘didn’t even make that much mess, it was Macy’.

“Right, I think I’m gonna grab a quick shower, if you don’t mind.” Johnny says, stretching his back a little.

His shirt rides slightly, just a faint pink slither of his c-section scar is visible on his overall warm, toned skin and Simon sighs, “Actually, Johnny, can we- uh- can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure. Everything okay?” Johnny asks, sliding onto the couch. Simon takes a seat next to him and sits forwards, clasping his hands and resting them on his knees.

“Yes, well, no. Not really- Johnny I haven’t been completely honest with you. I want to tell you the truth, the real reason it took me so long to come back.” Simon mumbles.

“Oh. Right. Shit, serious talk, okay. What have you lied to me about?” Johnny asks.

“I haven’t lied, necessarily, I have just left some details unmentioned. See, I’ve been working out the timeline of everything in my head and I- I was away on a mission the first time you called. When I returned I asked for the messages you’d have left and they said I had none. They said no one called or sent letters or anything and I- I got mad. I thought you had moved on, gotten fed up and given up on me or whatever and I was so fucking pissed at you that I just couldn’t even pick up the phone to call you back.”

Johnny’s hands curl into fists and he takes a deep breath as Simon continues.

“You know how stubborn I am. Every week I waited for them to tell me I had a call or a letter or something and the longer I went without hearing from you, the angrier I got.” Simon huffs and toys with his hands, “I grew reckless without you, lost the Ghost I suppose. I got hurt, a lot. I’m probably more scar than human at this point and, well, I was never a looker. My last injury made Price furious, I had gotten out of the infirmary the week before and on the next mission I got myself thrown out of a window. Broke my wrist. All mended now, like, but the docs say I have carpal tunnel and, well, it’s pretty hard holding a sniper rifle now.”

“I spent five years nearly dead, Johnny, and Price finally told me to just go. Come back to you and learn how to live again, regardless of whether you wanted me or not. I just couldn’t be there anymore and Price told me that. I wasn’t expecting you to even be here, nevermind to have a kid. A kid that’s also mine. When I first saw her, I thought you had moved on. Maybe adopted, maybe had a kid, I didn’t know but then she called me ‘Daddy’. It made my heart hurt, really fuckin hurt, because I realised I wanted that. I wanted her to be mine and I didn’t think she was.” Simon sighs. His eyes are watery and face red. Johnny lets him continue, “And she is. She’s my daughter. Ours. And I’m so fucking sorry Johnny, for everything, I’ll never be able to make it up to you.”

Johnny goes to speak but is interrupted by Simon, who looks exhausted and weak, “I just- I want to be here for her. And you. But I’d also understand if you just wanted me to go and never come back. I’ve ruined everything and you can’t even say I haven’t. I should’ve called. Should’ve visited. And I didn’t. But I want to be better now.”

There’s silence for a short while. Johnny is letting everything sink in. Five years ago, he would’ve never even let Simon get a chance to speak, he would’ve accepted him with open arms straight back into his life. Now, alls that’s in his mind is his daughter. Elizabeth. What’s right for her?

“She needs you,” Johnny mumbles. He swallows down his own emotions, “Regardless of whatever the hell I want, it doesn’t matter. She needs you and she wants you here. I’m not going to deprive you of your daughter any longer.”

“I don’t want to be here if I’m causing you problems Johnny. I don’t want to be more of a hindrance than any good.” Simon mutters.

“You aren’t. You’ve not been a burden at all. Trust me, I’m mad that you didn’t tell me sooner, but I’m not mad that it happened. This whole thing has been a massive fuck up but I’m tired now, Simon. I just want things to be easier for me, for you, and for Elizabeth. She’s all that matters anymore.” Johnny says.

Simon nods, “Yeah, I’m with you there.”

“You know what my condition is already, but you’re not going to like it.”

“What’s that?” Simon asks.

“I can't tell my daughter that you’re dead, Simon, I won’t do it. You need to leave the 141.” Johnny states.

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 6

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

Two weeks have passed and they have been- hectic, for want of a better word.

Simon got in touch with Price, using a mobile of all things, and Johnny fumed at the fact they’re using mobiles now after all he went through trying to contact base.

Regardless, Price- and subsequently Gaz- were informed of everything. From Elizabeth, to the General, to Johnny himself and how he’s doing and it’s safe to say, Price was incredibly pissed too. So pissed, in fact, that he and Gaz have put work aside momentarily to launch an internal investigation with the help of Laswell.

They said they would keep in touch but these two weeks have passed without a peep from the 141 so Simon and Johnny are making assumptions that they’re busy working on it, scrounging up as much info as possible.

As morning rolls around, Johnny finds himself coming around at a distinctly later time that usual, which is all thanks to Simon. Johnny was used to the 5:30AM starts, working on breakfast and cleaning before Elizabeth would wake but now, it’s 8AM and Johnny’s never felt as well-rested.

He wakes to an empty bed, suddenly an unusual feat, as he feels around for Simon.

That’s another change. Somehow Simon has ended up sharing a bed with Johnny again and neither of them are complaining about it. There were brief words of ‘the couch isn’t that comfy, y’know, and the bed’s big enough’ and that’s all it took.

So lying in an empty bed feels strange despite the last five years being spent in an oversized empty bed. He’s quick to his feet, running quickly through his morning routine, before going to find his daughter and Simon.

He knows the second he steps out of his room to use the bathroom that they’re in Elizabeth’s room. The door is slightly ajar, light on and voices bouncing off the walls as they speak in relatively hushed whispers. Johnny is quick to join them.

Johnny pokes his head around the door, not disturbing the two but watching as they play. They have their backs to the door and Elizabeth is sat on Simon’s knee. His arm is draped over her legs as she doodles all over his arm.

There’s little creatures, ants and butterflies namely, scattered over his wrist. Up towards his elbow there’s little dinosaur looking things and just below the crease of his elbow, there’s a pretty good drawing of a flower (for an almost 5 year old, anyway).

“You’re just like your Papa,” Simon mumbles. His other arm is round her back, holding her still on his leg so she doesn’t topple backwards, “Always doodling. Your Dad used to colour in my tattoos when he was bored.”

“Papa always lets me doodle! I like it.”

“You’re very good at it sweetheart. The flower is excellent.” Simon says.

“It’s a daisy!”

“So it is.” Simon chuckles, staring at his arm that looks more like an abstract art piece than a limb at that point.

Johnny makes himself known then, stepping into the room and perching on the edge of Elizabeth’s bed. He takes a closer look at the drawings and smiles, “My, my! Who drew all these masterpieces?”

Elizabeth beams, “I did it, Papa!”

“I would pay millions for them, put them up in a gallery if I could!” Johnny exaggerates, making Lizzie giggle.

“You can’t put my arm in a gallery,” Simon argues, “I need it!”

Johnny almost makes a crude joke before remembering little ears are around, “Yeah, I’m sure you do. Should we go and get some breakfast?”

Johnny picks Elizabeth up and sits her on his hip, giving her a cuddle like he does every morning. Simon makes his way to the kitchen and starts poking around for food, “Not got so much in,” Simon says. He opens the fridge and gets the milk out. He sniffs it and grimaces before slamming the lid back on, “Can’t even have a brew.”

“I suppose we’ll have to go food shopping then,” Johnny sighs. A groan tumbles from his lips, “Again!”

Simon shakes his head, “Don’t worry, I’ll sort it. You and Lizzie stay here, I know you said you’ve got some things to talk about with her.”

Johnny ponders for a moment. He’s been wondering what to do about the entire ‘Simon’ thing and he spoke to him about what he wants to do. Simon said he’s more than willing to leave the army, move nearby and be a parent but Johnny wants to hear with Elizabeth has to say. He doesn’t expect much, not from a 4 year old, but he wants to give her a chance to ask questions either way.

“Alright. I’ll make you a list. We need more soap but you have to get the sensitive one because she gets rashes really easily.” Johnny says, picking Elizabeth up and sitting her on the counter in front of him.

Simon already knows the one, he uses it on his own skin since he is prone to outbreaks of his eczema. He lets Johnny make the list regardless. He lets him leave with a promise of sending him the money but Simon shrugs him off and says, “I think it’s about time I helped out.”

Once he is gone, Johnny manages to scrounge a small breakfast together, just apples and yoghurt for him and Elizabeth but he hardly touches it whilst he talks to her.

“Lizzie, darling, can me and you have a big grown up talk?” He asks.

She nods, dipping her apples into the yoghurt and kicking her feet about whilst she eats them.

“Now Daddy is here, I want to know how you’re feeling?” Johnny asks.

“Wha’ you mean?” She mumbles around a mouthful of food.

“I mean are you happy? I know you missed him before but I want to make sure you’re happy he’s here, and that you like him.”

Now her nods are more vigorous, “Yeah Papa! I like him, he’s nice! He tells silly jokes, like you.”

Johnny chuckles a little, “That’s what happens when you become a Dad, they give you a book on the silliest jokes to tell your babies.”

“You’re lyin’!”

“Okay, maybe a little, but it is a thing! The best jokes come to you when you’re a Dad.” Johnny says.

“So, is Daddy gonna go back fightin’ again?” She asks. Johnny takes a moment to eat some of his own breakfast as he thinks of a response.

“I don’t know yet, there’s a lot of grown up stuff to sort out but I know Daddy wants to be here with you, he told me himself.” Johnny explains.

“I wan’ him to stay. I loves having him here!” She exclaims and Johnny smiles.

“I do too sweetheart.”

Simon takes a long time getting back. Johnny wonders if something’s happened, if he got lost or he skipped town. He would be so pissed that he would storm onto his old base and beat the shit out of him if he skipped out on his daughter.

He manages to work himself into such a worry that he becomes angry and starts furiously cleaning the house whilst Eliza plays with her dolls and her dinosaurs. By the time Simon comes back, Johnny breathes such a sigh of relief that a few tears slip from his eyes and he wipes them away swiftly.

“Hey,” Simon says, placing the few bags on the counter, “Everything okay?”

Johnny nods, drying his hands on a tea towel after doing the dishes. He takes a deep breath, smiles and turns around to Simon, “Yeah.”

Simon looks straight through Johnny’s facade, just like he always did, and goes to question him when Elizabeth comes over and clings to Simon's leg, “Daddy you were gone ages!”

“I wasn’t gone too long sweetie, I needed to get a few extra things.”

“Like what?” Johnny suddenly snaps and he turns away before either of them can see the tears in his eyes again. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap- I just- yeah.”

“Johnny, what’s going on?” Simon asks, stepping closer to him and pressing a hand to the small of his back. Johnny takes a deep breath and sighs.

He looks down at his daughter who sees he looks upset and rushes to him, clinging to his leg instead and he reaches a hand down to play with her hair. He looks up at Simon and his heart clenches, “I- you were gone so long and I got worried. I thought- I thought you left.” He whispers, quiet enough so Elizabeth doesn’t hear.

“Left? Oh shit, Johnny I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you where I was going-”

Johnny shakes his head, “No I should’ve just trusted you, you’re a grown man, you don’t have to tell me where you are 24/7.”

“Well, you’re right I guess but I should’ve told you either way. We’re a team, right? Can’t be a team if I’m off sneaking around, can we?” He asks and Johnny shakes his head.

“Can we know where you were?” He asks and Simon nods, suddenly looking less guilty and more enthusiastic.

“Of course! I actually had a little surprise planned but I needed to go to multiple places to execute it,” Simon explains. He reaches to one of the bags, not a supermarket one and pulls out two beautiful bouquets. One is smaller than the other, a mix of beautifully colourful flowers with little decorations accompanying the flowers, dinosaurs of all things.

The other bouquet is full of purple, blue and white flowers, very deep but very pretty nonetheless and the decorations in there are full of bees and butterflies, Johnny’s favourites. He hands them both a bouquet each, corresponding to the decor within them.

“I suppose this is a sorry, a thankyou and a everything all together bouquet,” Simon explains to Johnny, before turning to Elizabeth, “And I couldn’t get Papa flowers without giving some to my beautiful girl, could I?”

Elizabeth smiles and begs to be picked up. She cuddles into Simon and plays with the little dinosaur decor in the flowers, “Daddy, I love it!”

“I’m so glad baby,” He mumbles, looking to Johnny who is staring at the bouquet with a bright smile, “I have another little surprise too.”

“Another?” Johnny asks as Simon sits Elizabeth on the counter, rolling his sleeve up.

On his arm, below his elbow crease, is a tattoo of the flower Elizabeth drew that morning. Perfectly imperfect, just like the original drawing, and just below it, there’s Elizabeth’s birthdate.

“Papa! Daddy got the drawing!” Elizabeth squeals. She kicks her legs in delight and Johnny places his bouquet down to look at the tattoo on Simon’s arm.

Johnny looks up at Simon, words escaping him and he just hugs him. Simon seems shocked before he melts into it and hugs Johnny back.

“Thankyou,” Johnny mumbles, “Thankyou Si.”

“I’m sorry.” Simon mumbles and Johnny knows what he means and that he means it.

“I know. It’s okay.” Johnny holds him close and Elizabeth begs to be invited into the hug, the two of them squishing her between them to cuddle her as she yells in laughter at them both.

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 5

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

The supermarket was as uneventful as a shopping trip with a four year old gets. Elizabeth was determined to show her Dad all her favourite things, like the cat food that has the ‘pretty kitty’ on the box and the dog toys that cause arguments between her and Johnny since he won’t get them a pet.

She asks politely for a chocolate bar, which she receives, and she shares it with Simon after he tells her that Snickers are his favourite too.

Like clockwork, when they near the checkouts, Johnny grabs four different flowers without a word. He picks a tulip, a rose, a chrysanthemum and a gerbera daisy.

Simon tried to ask what they’re for but got distracted by Elizabeth pulling on his hand when the crowd around them grew. It was busy in the store, lots of people getting last minute back to school supplies as well as their weekly shops.

Before long, they wandered across from Tesco towards a church. Simon knows it well, it’s the reason he and Johnny had the flat so close to it, he buried his family there many years ago. Simon is surprised to see Johnny pick Elizabeth up, swinging her onto his hip as she holds the four different flowers gently, as he then waltzes into the graveyard.

Simon is a few steps behind but quickly catches up as they wander through the cemetery. It’s more crowded since he was last there, newer gravestones deep in the ground with gold etching on the marble.

Just as Simon goes to speak, Elizabeth is placed on the floor and she rushes off, quiet mumbles of ‘Nanny!’ escaping her mouth. Simon stands to Johnny’s side, “Johnny, why are we here?”

“To see her Nan,” Johnny says, matter-of-factly. He turns to Simon and his face pales dramatically fast. His hand comes to his mouth as he gasps, “Shit! Fuckin’ shite! Simon, I’m sorry, I didn’t think and I- I- Christ Almighty, I’m such a fuckin’ moron! I- we can go back, I’m sorry!”

Simon shakes his head, “No, Johnny, it’s okay. Probably about time I paid my respects.”

“Simon, I mean it, if you want to leave, we can go. It’s your call.” Johnny says firmly.

Simon looks up in time to see Elizabeth plop herself down in front of a grave with a smile on her face. He knows the plot well. Two companion plots, at a hefty sum too, but the lifting weight from his pocket did nothing to ease the weight on his mind. Far on the other end of the yard, an abandoned plot at this point, probably still stands. Withered with age and damaged from the weather. He hopes it rots eternally.

“Johnny, it’s fine.”

And with that, they catch up to their daughter.

For a four year old, her knowledge of graveyard respect is exceptional. She sits by the graves, but the heavy load sitting on Simon’s shoulders as he approaches dissipates when he sees Elizabeth there. She is plucking at the weeds in the ground, muttering ‘yuck!’ to Johnny as he sits beside her. She grabs dying flowers from out of the pots and places one of the flowers in each one.

Elizabeth Riley gets the Rose, Beth Riley the Tulip. Tommy gets the Daisy and Joseph. Joseph, whose age doesn’t even reach ten, he gets the Chrysanthemum.

The graves are perfectly maintained. No damage, no disturbed soil, no birds leaving their mess on the stones. They’re meticulously cleaned and Simon sees immediately that this has been Johnny and Elizabeth’s ‘project’ over the years.

“JoJo, I brought the- Papa I forgot how to say it! Ah, bronty- bron-to-saurus,” She spells out with a grin, “This week.”

She places the little toy dinosaur in front of the grave marker and lets it walk over the ground before saying, “Your turn!”

Joseph lays in the plot between his mother, and his grandmother. Tommy is on the end but there’s one grave missing. There’s a chunk of marble still forced into the ground and Johnny sees where Simon is looking.

He clears his throat, “A documentary came out a few years ago. About what happened. Kids came here and vandalised your stone. I- I was about eight months pregnant when it happened but I came and removed the stone. Broke it into pieces and took it out from here in the middle of the night. Police came knocking the day after, thought they might’ve caught me somehow, but they came to inform me of the incident. They had caught the vandals and assumed it was them. Think they took pity on me.” Johnny turns to Elizabeth and combs a hand through her wild hair.

Simon nods weakly and huffs, “Why'd you do that?”

“Regardless of what you think of yourself, Simon, I wasn’t going to let a group of kids ruin your name. I couldn’t stand it. You saved my life multiple times, you gave me my daughter, you’ve done everything and more for me and all I wanted to do was pay you back. Do something for you, for a change.” Johnny mumbles. He reaches over to Elizabeth Riley’s grave and plucks a dandelion out the ground.

“Talk to your Nana, sweetheart.” Johnny tells Lizzie, letting her clamber in front of the stone. She natters away about how she’s starting school and how the little girl next door is going to be in the same class.

She then mumbles, “Mah Daddy came home, Nana! He’s funny and big!” She giggles and Johnny turns to Simon to see him walking towards his Father’s grave.

“Ah shite,” Johnny sighs. He gives Simon his space for a minute, watching him out the corner of his eye as he stops at the grave in the far distance. He lets Elizabeth say everything she wants to, plays with ‘Joseph’ again and tells Beth how her hair is growing long and pretty like hers, before he bundles her into his arms and goes after Simon.

Just before they get there, Johnny places Elizabeth down and tells her he’ll just be a moment. He asks her to stay close by and she nods, going sitting at some other graves and taking weeds out the ground there instead.

Johnny walks over to Simon and places a hand on the small of his back, feeling Simon flinch. He looks at the grave before him. The sides are chipped and damaged, the words are weathering away and there is moss growing on the surface of the rock. The name ‘Damien Riley’ is slightly visible on the grave and Johnny notes how Simon’s hand is in a fist.

“I never brought her to this one,” Johnny mumbles, “I knew what he did to you all, couldn’t even think about paying respect to him, never mind force Elizabeth to.”

“You- How long have you been coming?” Simon asks.

“Since you left. It sounds silly, because I knew, deep down, you were alive. I was scared you may have been KIA or something though and I- I wanted to feel close to you. I would sit at your grave a-and talk to you. I would bring pictures from my scans and I played you a recording of her heartbeat once. I thought that if you knew you would’ve been here.” Johnny mumbles, “Since then, I’ve been caring for all the graves. Brought Elizabeth for the first time once she had all her jabs. I’ve talked to the graves a lot, these past five years almost, Simon, but I’ve never been to this one.”

“And Elizabeth,” Simon mumbles, “You’ve told her all about them? She calls my Mum, Nana.”

Johnny nods, “Well she is, isn’t she? I told her that they were in an accident.”

“Johnny I-” There’s a crack in Simon’s voice and when Johnny looks up, he sees tears on his face, “I don’t know how you could say you want to pay me back when that’s all you’ve been doing always.”

“It doesn’t feel like enough.” Johnny says.

“Well it is! You have cared for my family, thought about them even in death. You protected my honour. You did it all whilst having and raising our daughter when I wasn’t even here. I walked out on you when you needed me the most, and I'll never forgive myself for forcing you to do this all on your own.” Simon sighs. He glares deeply at the grave before him before turning his back to it and looking into Johnny’s eyes instead.

“And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat,” Johnny confirms, “Whether you believe it or not, I was indebted to you Simon. I always repay my debts.”

Simon wraps his arms around Johnny and buries his face into his neck. He breathes shakily as Johnny holds him close and mumbles, “Thankyou.” under his breath.

Elizabeth comes over, tugging on both of their jeans in an attempt to get their attention. Simon breaks the hug and lifts her up, sitting her on his hip, before leaning back into Johnny’s embrace.

A hand rubs his back, distinctly Johnny’s, but he feels a smaller hand gently patting between his shoulders when a voice speaks up, “Sad Daddy be happy now.”

Simon chuckles a little and rests his head against Elizabeth’s, “I am happy, darling, I promise.”

Johnny leans over and plants a kiss on Lizzie’s cheek, mumbling to her about how proud he is that she’s been good and that she’s such a sweet girl and Simon feels the large weight on his chest lift, like a dam opening up, and love comes flowing through the gaps and encompasses his heart entirely.

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 4

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff with a happy ending

Johnny catches up with his daughter, joining her and Simon in the sand and Lizzie situates herself between the chains. She holds on tightly and Simon stands behind her and pushes her back gently.

She yells a little, excitedly, as Simon makes her soar through the air.

Johnny stands in front of her, lunging out for her little feet every time she swings towards him. She holds on tighter and wriggles in the seat a little to escape Johnny’s outstretched hands.

They spend a while playing, taking it in turns to push Elizabeth and putting her at the top of the slide to let her go down. Johnny even goes down with her one of the times.

She’s on the climbing frame when she complains to Johnny about being thirsty. Simon offers to get her a drink but Johnny says he’ll go, as long as Simon stays with Elizabeth.

He walks slowly, taking a minute to himself. He has no idea how to approach any of this with Simon or Elizabeth. He doesn’t know what to say, what to do. He doesn’t want to ignore the past but it’s so easy to fall into a familial role when they’re all together.

Johnny takes a moment, when gathering the juice and water from a nearby shop, to wonder what he’s doing. He trusts Simon, he once loved him with every fibre of his being, and that side of him wants to allow Simon to do this. To bond with his daughter and have fun with her.

His sensible side, as he calls it, or his parenting side disagrees. Simon is still military, after all, and there’s no doubt in Johnny’s mind that Simon will leave again. Go back to fighting to the death where one day, he just might not come home. He doesn’t want Simon to hurt his daughter that way, doesn’t want her to suffer because of them, and he worries away at his lip as he strolls back to them both.

Each step raises a new question in his mind to ask Simon. Is he ready to retire The Ghost yet? Is he willing to drop everything for his child? Is he prepared to be a full time Dad? A metal taste coats his tongue as he licks his burst lip, stepping back onto the park and spotting Simon in a corner with Elizabeth sat opposite him. They look to be building sandcastles.

“Papa,” Elizabeth says upon spotting Johnny, “Daddy said he’s gonna make me s’getti for tea!”

“Did he now?” Johnny muses, taking a seat between the two of them and handing out the drinks. Elizabeth goes back to perfecting her sandcastles whilst Simon nervously scratches his neck.

“If that’s alright with you, that is.” He mumbles, cracking open his water bottle and helping Elizabeth with her juice too.

Johnny nods, “Of course it is. We’ll need to nip to the shops first, though. Daddy makes a very special spaghetti sauce, Beth, even better than mine!”

Elizabeth puts a leaf in the top of her sandcastle and looks up at Simon, “Nae way!”

“Yeah way!” Johnny says, scooping sand into the bucket and making his own sandcastle, “Your Dad always used to make it for us, every Friday!”

“I’ll show you how to make it, kiddo,” Simon says, “It’s a secret recipe though, you can’t tell anyone else.”

Elizabeth nods, “I won’t! I’m good with secrets.”

“Oh yeah?” Simon asks, “What’s your biggest secret?”

“Cannae say, won’t be secret then.” Elizabeth replies without a beat and Simon chuckles.

“Good one.”

A little time passes, Elizabeth still playing and Johnny making small talk with Simon. It’s unnaturally awkward for them but Johnny only hopes the nerves ease.

Simon excuses himself for a short while, claiming to need the bathroom, and Johnny watches him leave. His head is hanging low and his hands are stuffed in his pockets as he shuffles in the direction of the bathrooms that Johnny pointed out to him.

“Papa, is ma Daddy gonna stay forever now?” Elizabeth asks. Her childlike curiosity sparks a pain in Johnny’s chest as he searches his mind for an answer.

“I don’t know my love,” Johnny answers honestly, “But I hope so.”

“Me too.” Elizabeth says with a happy smile. She toddles around the park in the meantime, bouncing from each piece of equipment to the next before Simon comes back.

Johnny, ever the attentive one, notes how Simon looks small. Shrinking into himself, he has a reddened face and irritation on the skin near his eyes, like he’s been rubbing it.

When Simon sits back down, his eyes track Elizabeth around the park and he doesn’t say a word.

“Simon, is everything alright?” Johnny asks, shuffling closer to him a little.

There’s a pause, one that has Johnny wondering if Simon even heard him, before a slight nod of his head is noticed.

“Are you sure? You can tell me anythin’, Si, it’s just me.” Johnny says. He nervously toys with the sand in front of him, “I know it’s been years but we’re still us. I’ve still got your six and I know you have mine.”

Simon scoffs but cuts himself off before he can elaborate. He nods and mutters a quiet ‘yeah’.

Annoying as usual, Johnny goes to press again when Elizabeth comes bounding back over. She trips in front of Johnny and falls into his arms with a giggle as he wraps his arms around her, checking she’s okay as she jumps back up and plays with Johnny’s hair.

“Papa can we go to the shops? We go the big Tesco for s’getti stuffs? And we see Nanny then!” She blabbers out, tugging a little on Johnny’s hair as she shakes sand out of his mohawk.

Johnny turns to Simon, “Are you ready to make a move to the shops?”

Simon nods.

Johnny presses, “You sure?”

“Contrary to what you may believe, Johnny, but swings and slides don’t exactly fill me with excitement.” Simon stands and holds a hand out for Johnny to take.

Which he does, of course. He stands with a spring in his step and grabs Simons shoulder, reminiscent of the day he very first met his Lieutenant. He smiles, “There he is, ol’ Ghostie back with us.”

“Shut up MacTavish.” Simon mutters with an incriminating blush spreading across his face, despite his formidable nature.

Johnny holds a hand out for Elizabeth and they walk slowly to keep up with her little legs as they leave the park. It’s only halfway down the road when he realises his other hand has found it’s way back into Simon’s grasp.

He says nothing, and neither does Simon.

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 3

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

CHAPTER 3

The morning comes soon enough. Johnny and Simon talked well in to the early hours of the morning, Johnny asking about the 141, Gaz and Price specifically, whilst Simon learnt everything possible about his daughter.

He learns that she loves dinosaurs, especially Pterodactyls, and that she loves to colour in. Her favourite film is Cinderella (Johnny’s favourite too) and she loves pride parades (Johnny took her with him last year).

Simon poured over photos of her the entire night.

He saw that at the age of one, her curls started to show in her thick brown hair, just like Simon’s curls did. He sees her bright blue eyes staring at him in each photo and his heart leaps every time he looks. He notes the little scrape on her chin when she was 2, Johnny telling him that she fell and hit the coffee table with her jaw.

Simon has lots to say, lots of thoughts flying through his mind, but he doesn’t voice any of them. There’s too much, so much regret and anger, excitement and joy. He doesn’t know what to think or what to feel so he falls quiet and just listens to Johnny speak.

They got about three hours of sleep, Johnny putting Simon up in his room whilst he slept in Elizabeth’s bed.

Whilst they may have shared before, numerous times, Johnny thinks the space will be appreciated.

When morning comes, the sun peaking through the blinds and Johnny half hanging out of his daughters little single bed, Simon busies himself in the kitchen.

He familiarises himself with family life. Drawings on the fridge, child safe locks on the cupboard with the knives, stepping stools to help kids reach the worktops.

A throbbing in his heart, guilt and pride together, as he sees everything that Johnny and Elizabeth are. Everything that he’s missed.

Johnny joins him before too long, rescuing him from his own thoughts, and spitballing ideas for what they could do with Elizabeth.

“I want her to know you, Simon, not just have a day out with you. We can get some food, maybe go to the park? She would like if you pushed her on the swing and lifted her onto the slide.”

Simon hums and nods, “I think we should ask her, see what she thinks. I want her to feel comfortable around me.”

Johnny smiles and nods. They rush through breakfast and morning showers, Johnny desperate to get his baby back, and before long, Simon is waiting by the door with a nervous sweat gathering on the back of his neck.

“She’s going to call you Dad,” Johnny says, “Or Daddy, I suppose. If you don’t want her to, I can tell her to just call you Simon for now?”

“It’s okay, don’t confuse her. Not her fault I’m an absent father.” Simon scoffs.

Johnny hears the distaste in Simon’s voice, his eyes that scream ‘useless, just like your own old man’ and Johnny just melts, “Simon, you didn’t know. I believe that if you knew, you would’ve been here.”

“Should've been here anyway,” he huffs, “Never should’ve left- you know what? Let’s not do this right now. Let's go get Elizabeth.”

Johnny nods and leads them out the apartment, locking up behind him, “She has many nicknames. Lizzie, Liz, Beth, Liza, Eliza. Call her whatever you want and she’ll respond.”

Simon says nothing as Johnny locks up and, within seconds, they are outside Sarah’s door.

Johnny only manages to knock twice before the door swings open and Elizabeth is there, her hair neatly plaited and clothes perfectly ironed for once.

“Papa!” She shrieks, jumping into Johnny’s extended arms as he picks her up and sits her on his hip, “And Daddy’s still here.”

Johnny looks to Sarah to thank her and sees how she is having a glare-off with Simon who looks baffled but guilty.

Elizabeth wriggles and reaches out for Simon. Johnny holds her close, “Sweetheart, give Daddy a minute to wake up properly.” He excuses.

“It’s alright, Johnny,” Simon smiles, holding his arms out for her, “I’d like a hug.”

Johnny smiles softly and hands her over with ease.

He goes about thanking Sarah for caring for Lizzie, suggesting they have an ‘adults only’ get together soon with Simon.

Meanwhile, Simon is holding onto Elizabeth like a practised parent, her sat on his hip and cuddled into his shoulder as he clutches her.

They walk to the park in near silence, Elizabeth nattering away but no sense being made by her. She stays in Simon’s arms, cuddled close, and he seems to just exist with her. She talks, he listens, and Johnny watches.

He isn’t sure what to say, what to do, so he just watches.

When they arrive at the park, Elizabeth asks if she can rush off over to the swings, her favourites, but Simon seems reluctant to let her go.

“Maybe Daddy would like to push you on the swing, hm? See how big and high you can go!” Johnny suggests and Elizabeth yells in delight.

Simon strides off with her, placing her down and racing her to the swings before picking her up and placing her onto the seat. He’s talking to her now, a smile on his face as he crouches down to her level in the sand.

Johnny takes his time catching up, giving them a second.

He looks from afar at the wild grin on Elizabeth’s face, a smile he’s never quite seen on her before.

That’s not to say she doesn’t love him, oh no, it’s just she’s never been this excited before. She’s never met her Dad, her other parent, and now here he is, like he never left.

He anticipates the next few days, weeks, maybe even months and he knows that some serious conversations are going to arise concerning Simon’s involvement in their lives but right now, Johnny would do anything to live in this moment forever.

Where his daughter is full of joy.

[melancholicheart]

GODDD this is just so incredible ;-; my eyes are blessed

firestarter

[melancholicheart]

bunch of silly ghoap!!! <3

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 2

cw: trans male pregnancy (past, mentioned), angst, miscommunication, fluff and happy ending

Simon pales and looks up at Johnny who is groaning a little and bending down to pick the small girl up who wriggles out of his grasp and runs to Simon.

“Uh, I’m not your-“ Johnny speaks to Simon for the first time, shouting his name and shaking his head, so Simon manages a smile to the small girl, “So, you’re Elizabeth, huh?”

Johnny manages to grab his daughter and he crouches to her level, talking to her quietly, “Now darling, I know you’re excited and Daddy being here is very exciting but I need you to listen to me now sweetie. Tonight, we’re going to see if you can sleep with Sarah whilst Papa talks with Daddy-

“- I promise first thing that me and Daddy will come and get you and we will spend the day together, I just need to do some grown up talk with Daddy tonight, okay Lizzie?”

She looks like she wants to argue, looking back up at Simon who is still white as a sheet and gawping at the child in shock.

“Daddy will still be here?” She whispers to Johnny.

He places a kiss on her forehead and holds her tightly, hiding his own shocked face in her tiny shoulder, “Of course, love.”

Though when Johnny looks back at Simon, he appears like he might just run away that second.

It takes a lot out of all of them, barely thirty minutes pass from the door knocking to Elizabeth being dropped at their neighbours, but Simon hasn’t spoken since and neither had Johnny.

Johnny kisses Elizabeth’s forehead, pressing her stuffed dinosaur into her arms and leaves her with Sarah, a promise of an explanation in his wake.

Simon is sat on the couch when Johnny returns, staring off at the photo album on the table. The blasted thing is still open on the picture of them both.

Johnny groans and heads into the kitchen, quickly making a cup of tea for Simon in the hopes to ease his anxiety.

He sits on the other side of the chair, after placing the tea on the table, and he mulls everything over in his head.

Johnny isn’t sure if he is angry at Simon or if his heart is aching in pity for him. Sure the base stopped Johnny from ringing but surely they couldn’t stop Simon from calling? Still, finding out you have a daughter like this makes for a difficult conversation.

“I’m sorry.” They both say in unison, surprising one another after their extended silence.

“You’re sorry?” They both say, incredulously before Johnny sighs, chuckles a little, and gestures for Simon to speak.

“I’m sorry I never came sooner. Or got in touch. I see now that you were busy. Very busy by the looks of things.” He chuckles weakly.

“I tried to get in touch. I rang every week to talk like we were doing but I was blocked from calling the base. Was told that I needed to lose the number since I no longer work there.”

Simon looks incredulous, “You what? By who?”

“The receptionist and the General. I even pretended to be someone else so I could get through to you or Price but they threatened me with legal action.” Johnny explains.

“What the fuck? Y-you were trying to reach us? I thought you’d moved on, gotten fed up of me or whatever and didn’t want to hear from me anymore.” Simon pales even further. Johnny thinks he’s almost transparent.

“I sent letters too,” Johnny says, reaching for the box and fishing out the letters still in their envelopes with the offending ‘Return to Sender’ sign printed on the front.

“They really didn’t want me talking to you, I guess.”

Simon gestures to the handful of letters, “May I?”

Johnny hands them over, letting Simon pour through the words quickly as he sees the man’s face shatter as he absorbs the words.

“Fuck me.” Simon grumbles, “Fuck! If I’d have just- shit!”

“Simon,” Johnny sighs, “It all seems like a big misunderstanding. An awful lot of miscommunication on both parts, ay?”

“How can you be so calm about this? Y-you did all of this on your own!”

Johnny looks down at the book on the table, a few loose pictures from the box littering the glass surface. His daughters beaming face, barely six months old, smiles back at him and he instinctively smiles back.

“Jesus Johnny you- I let you do all that alone. You fuckin’ had a kid.”

“You didn’t let me do anything, Simon. Like I say, it’s just miscommunication.”

“It’s more than miscommunication when it causes shit like this! I swear to fuck I’m going to rip that General a new one when I next see him.” Simon fumes, squeezing a letter in his hands.

“Si, calm down,” Johnny shuffles closer, “I know it’s a lot to take in and you’re probably angry and upset but it’s okay. I’m not angry with you. Elizabeth isn’t angry with you either.”

“Elizabeth,” Simon mumbles, eyes meeting Johnny’s, “Her name- is it?”

Johnny nods, “After your mum. And a little bit for Beth too, I suppose.”

Simon nods and feels his heart clenching in his chest, “She called me.. she said I’m her-”

“You are.” Johnny mumbles, “There’s been no one since you, Simon.”

He nods again and looks to the book on the table, the picture of him and Johnny right there. He picks it up and looks at it intently.

“So you’ve told her all about me?”

Johnny nods, “She looks at the picture every day. Always asking about you. I told her the truth, that you’re busy at war and fighting to protect her from bad guys.”

Simon turns the page to the front, the picture of baby Elizabeth there with her birth date and time beneath it in the arms of Johnny in a hospital bed.

“October,” Simon chuckles, thumb running over the silky photo, “Near mine.”

Simon’s birthday is November the 6th, very close to Elizabeth’s, whereas Johnny’s is May the 17th, much further away.

“She looks a lot like you,” Johnny says, “Sometimes when I- when I miss you I grab ahold of her and hold her tight. Won’t let her go.”

“She’s beautiful,” Simon muses, “And you are incredible, Johnny. Fuckin’ ‘ell you gave birth.”

Johnny chuckles, “Well, I was cut open. She was an emergency C-Section. She was stuck and the chord was wrapped around her throat. They thought she might choke herself so they whipped her out the top.”

Johnny lifts his shirt, a faded pale pink scar runs along the base of his stomach, “Didn’t get her out before making me sit there in pain for sixteen hours. They tried to move her around too, with their hands up me, but she was a stubborn one.”

“Like me?”

Johnny laughs, “Yeah, just like you.”

“If it’s okay with you then,” Simon whispers, “After we’ve talked some more, of course, I would like to properly meet her.”

Johnny beams wide, nodding, “Of course, Si. I’ll tell you all about her.”

Johnny sits there for the next three hours. He pours through the photo album with Simon, making comment and talking about their daughter.

Their daughter. Johnny was losing hope on that front, often dreaming of the day that Elizabeth could be introduced as ‘our daughter’ rather than just his own.

Maybe the time is now.

[melancholicheart]

All This Time- Chapter 1

cw: trans male pregnancy (mentioned), angst

“Creepin’ Jesus I wish someone told me how expensive this shit is.” A sigh.

“Stop swearing!” A small voice snipes.

“Sorry, love.”

Johnny isn’t wrong though, if someone had told him how expensive kids stuff was, specifically the school uniform and supplies, he might’ve accepted that offer to move back home.

He turns his nose up at the thought, he’s an independent person and he sure as shit doesn’t need his mother breathing down his neck over his parenting techniques.

“Papa look at the baba!”

Johnny follows his daughters gaze to a tiny child in a pram, the small boy grasping at his feet and pulling his socks off.

Johnny chuckles, “You used to be that little, y’know?”

A scoff, “Nae way Pa’, I big!”

“You are now, yeah, but you used to be so tiny. I still have your newborn outfit, the one I took you home in, I’ll show you when we’re home.”

“Don’t believe ya’ Pops.” She says indignantly.

Johnny chuckles. He’ll sure show her!

He pays for the astonishingly priced clothes and shoes for his girl, holding her hand with one hand and the bag of clothes with the other, heading back to the car to go home.

“I wan’ try!” She shrieks when Johnny goes to buckle her in, him taking a step back to let his daughter attempt it herself before securing her into her car seat.

Johnny gets into the front seat, heading towards home when he flicks a gaze at his daughter. She looks troubled.

“Elizabeth, babe, are you okay?” He asks, turning the radio down so he can hear her.

She nods and toys with her fingers, “Yeah Papa- s’just. School’s soon, yeah?”

“Yes, next month, are you nervous?” He asks.

She shakes her head, “I just- I wanted Daddy to come.”

Johnnys heart breaks. No, it crumples into tiny shreds and leaks out of his chest like blood from a bullet wound, “Oh Lizzie, love, I’m sorry. If he could come, I’m positive he would be here.”

She sniffs, “Wanna meet him.”

“I know, I want you to meet him too. Someday soon, darling, okay?”

Elizabeth nods, toying with the belt around her shoulders and leaving the conversation there.

They arrive home soon after.

Johnny carries his daughter inside, slung over his hip as he drags the worlds most expensive shopping inside in his free hand.

Opening the door is a struggle but soon he is inside their small two bed apartment.

He sends Elizabeth upstairs, asking her to take her new clothes and shoes up to her room.

Johnny sits on the couch with a thud, thoughts of Simon whirring around his mind. He eyes his lacklustre apartment, thinking back to the deal he and Simon had made.

‘You always have a place here, Si’

‘And if you move?’

‘I swear to stay here for at least five years, love, so don’t forget about it.’

He massages tension from behind his eyes, groaning in his own pity. Four years have passed, no word from Simon. No word from anyone. For all he knows, Simon could be- he grimaces.

Never did he imagine his love life being so pitiful that he’d still worry for a man he hasn’t seen for four years whilst raising the daughter he has no idea about.

Another groan.

Johnny grabs the box from beneath his coffee table, containing his photo album and a bunch of loose photos, equipment for tacking the pictures in and expensive pens for writing under the photos. Beneath it are all the letters he sent to Simon, envelopes taped back together with big, red ‘Return to Sender’ print on the front.

He flicks it open and stares at the very first photo, his beautiful daughter, the day she was born.

He laboured alone (for sixteen painful hours) before she was finally born (via an emergency c-section, nonetheless) on October 26th at 9:15AM. One of the wonderful nurses he had took photos of him meeting her for the first time.

Johnny hated seeing himself in some of them, his face red and tears streaming down his cheeks, but it was all worth it just to see her.

Elizabeth Ada MacTavish was a curious baby, staring at her Father intently the second she saw him, and immediately her first came down on his bare chest, holding onto him with her screwed fists.

Johnny smiles at the photo, running his finger over it, before flicking to the next page where there’s a photo of him and Simon.

The only photo, in fact, of him and Simon, and beneath it is written: Made it to The Big City! (Manchester)

Johnny chuckles at Simon’s scribble next to the photo and almost jumps out of his skin when there’s a knock at the door.

Living in an apartment means most deliveries are left in his own mailbox downstairs so it isn’t often that the door sounds.

He jumps to his feet and rushes to the door in case it’s his Landlord or the Receptionist out front (her name is Sarah, both their girls are the same age and she lives in the block too, they are quite good friends at this point).

As he swings it open without a care in the world, his previously liquified heart nearly pours out of his mouth with the guest beyond the door.

“Hi Johnny.” Simon Riley says. Maskless, clad in black, and with a loose bandage around his wrist. He has a slope to his posture, be it shame or hurt, Johnny isn’t sure.

What he is sure of though, is the growing sound of footsteps and the thundering of his daughter racing to find her Papa.

Johnny turns to the side, cutting off Simon who was soon to speak again, in an attempt to stop his daughter.

“Elizabeth, sweetheart, wait a sec!” Johnny shouts, louder than intended when a small body careers into his side, brown curly hair bobbing at her shoulders when she crashes into his leg.

She looks at Simon and Simon looks at her. They both look like they’re figuring something out for just a moment before Elizabeth yells:

“Daddy!”