#(╥﹏╥) its so annoying not being able to interact with stuff bcs people dont have the deceny to spoil plot twists before theyre even released
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#so i survived my 1st week as a phd student. it's interesting. im not sure how i feel#the negatives are that i forgot how much stress being around people causes me. as a research assistant i was able to be on my own schedule#and go into the lab at odd hours so i never had to see anyone. but now im in classes and teaching and have a shared office#classes are tolerable stress wise so long as im sitting on an edge. i only feel a lil like im dying. teaching makes nauseous beforehand.#which is odd bc im not really worried while im doing it or before im doing it. i thibk its just that i have to interact ans i kno im a#mediocre teacher bc id rather die than do the back and forth of asking questions and u should teach interactively#i like to break down complex idea and help people with problems but i was not build to teach in classrooms. i get knocked off points when#i give class presentations bc i cant make eye contact lol. so that'll b annoying this semester. and its just so hard to function in an#office space. idk its weird like i dont even feel it that much while im there its just like a flashing *i need to leave* alarm. and then#when im alone its like a physical weight off of me. and i cant tell if thats what's draining my energy or if ive just cycled into a low#energy lul bc im just like. i wanna sleep. and for me thats always a sign that somethings wrong. i dont feel that bad mood wise but its#like there's a rock weighing me down as im trying to tread water. so those r the big negatives. the positives r that#i do enjoy being back in school. i love the structure of it. but im also self destructive abt structure so well see how it goes. but my#lab mates seem nice as does my advisor. i feel a bit bad bc ill have to learn genome stuff from the ground up. and today i was trying to#convey ideas to him like an insane person. bc i dont have enough background to talk fluidly abt my prospective project and i have a picture#of what i mean but not all the details. hopefully i made some sense. i think the idea is cool. and thats the other really positive thing.#the papers i have to read associated with this project r waaaaaaaaaay more interesting than anything i ever had to read for my masters. like#they're the types of papers i would force other ppl to read for lab meetings. so im optimistic abt not hating it by the end haha#yay for being excited abt science. but i guess thats the other thing i feel bad abt. like im interested but haven't read a lot to prep bc#i cant express how difficult dyslexia makes things but also i cant control how interested in things i get so i bassically banned myself#from reading papers im actually interested in like 3 years ago bc in retrospect i was prob going thru a hypomanic episode#and i was like reading papers abt microbes in Antarctica all day and not working on my stuff. and i just remember walking into the lab at#like 5am to trasfer alage with tears streaming down my face bc i was just like. i cant have this nice thing and b functional. it has to stop#so i just created this weird barrier in my mind where im not allowed to read fun papers. so its odd to b reading them now for work. its odd#also i was walking to my office worring abt things and then i saw some moss growinf around the edge of the sidewalk and it made me wanna cry#bc i am an extremely normal individual. i have normal feelings abt photosynthesis. but anyway yeah. its been interesting#hopefully ill stay optimistic. next week we have a orientation for new grad students. and i might have to drive like an hr away. hate that#the driving i mean. not the orientation. that should b fun#unrelated
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ill be honest ive completely blocked twitter (and reddit) on my desktop bcs a) twitter fucking sucks now and b) the likelihood of seeing genshin leaks have significantly decreased so thats nice and fun
but on the other hand its a little :( bcs i cant interact with the wider fandom at all outside of a small tumblr bubble bcs no one tags anything over there and the filters are awful
#ive also wiped both from my mobile history as well#bcs quite frankly i should have done this a while ago but after being spoiled on a fairly big thing in the fontaine story#ive just cut them both completely and my blocklist here gets ever bigger too#thankfully the tags i browse here are fairly safe but i might have to also stop doing that too :/#(╥﹏╥) its so annoying not being able to interact with stuff bcs people dont have the deceny to spoil plot twists before theyre even released#like...#a*3 seems fairly leak free but also sometimes not. again v annoying#aiya...#step right up! || 🪄.txt
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Can you talk about why you think blocking and moving on is a bad thing? I thought it was a way to curate your space and avoid drama
idk maybe i'm too idealistic but fandom is a much more friendlier, welcoming, supportive, creative, engaging, active, diverse and interesting space when it's treated like a community where people are encouraged to participate and talk about their interests and where there's space for niche or more unpopular opinions without these people having to worry about being blocked and feel unwelcome by the majority of the fandom they are in. i can't stand how blocking everyone you disagree with has become the first thing to do.
you say its 'to curate your experience'. but blocking people does not only curate YOUR experience. you're also forcefully curating other users' experiences. and not for the better.
people say 'i will block you for literally anything' and then those same people wonder why engagement is down, why no one sends asks, why no one reblogs, why rarely anyone talks in the tags anymore and why this place feels so dead and boring and quiet. i wonder why!!!!
people treat real people as annoying ads they can dispose of at their whim. but that's not how a fandom or a site like tumblr works. (besides, if you really care about people curating their own experience you wouldn't block people. you can filter and blacklist and never see them again while still granting them the same freedom instead of actively making their experience worse.)
you say its to avoid drama. but seeing a post you dont agree with is not 'drama'. and blocking is not solving anything except for you personally. fandom was more fun when we remembered that every user is a real person you share a space with, and probably some mutuals as well, so you find a way to live with each other. starting with a restraining order seems a bit excessive and is not contributing to anything. it's not that hard to be respectful and tolerate others and acknowledge people have different opinions and interests and still co-exist in peace. its not that hard to be nice to people and try to find common ground with them and interact with the stuff you DO like. you do this in every aspect of your real life, so why not online?
i hear you say: 'but that requires WORK and i don't NEED to do any of that bc i can just block them'.
yeah, you can try to create your own bubble and only hang out with like minded people but you wont EVER fully achieve that (no matter how much you block, social media WILL keep feeding you posts you disagree with bc it makes them money). social media WILL pressure you into an 'us vs. them' mentality where you constantly feel like everything online is a threat or an argument you have to win and where being mean and unnuanced gives you the most notes and where you don't even see, let alone be able to treat, other users as people anymore bc you don't interact with them anymore other than to block or fight them. that's not how i want it to be online. it's not fun to me. and maybe i'm a pessimist but i think it will eventually be the death of online fandom and sites like tumblr. look at the state of twitter right now. DOES blocking give you a better experience in the long run? i doubt that it does. overall, i think it makes people even less tolerable and more vulnerable to hate and fear mongering, and social media an even more hostile place.
it's everything i hate about social media and everything i want to fight against and WILL fight against. i won't pretend my meager contribution will change anything, but i LIKE to just scroll past posts i don't vibe with and not see every argument online as a personal offense. it keeps me curious. most posts aren't that bad when you know the person behind it. i mean, you do you, i'm not gonna say what you should or shouldn't do bc that's up to you, but i recommend it: free yourself of the block button and bring back supportive user communities based on a shared love for the same thing and focus on what you have in common with people, just like you would do in real life. save the block button for the rotten apples who DO keep trying to pick fights and exclude others.
(which is, now that i think about it, probably the main difference: most people see the block button as a neutral way to prevent worse. but. that's only the case on an individual level. and treating everything online as an individual choice to which there are no further consequences, especially if they happen on a larger scale, is already a loss.)
#i've seen so many posts lately that were like 'we need drama soon bc its too boring' and ?????? are we all just too far gone already??#we used to have graphic challenges and creative events during hiatus where everyone was welcome to participate why would you want drama#have we already forgotten how to entertain ourselves without having to point and laugh at someone#why do we keep treating others in bad faith just to feel better about ourselves#like. the people you have the most interests in common with arent even automatically the people you best get along with#i could go on but im embarrassingly cringe about this already so yes sorry i DO care about online spaces. a lot actually.
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uh, vent/rant under cut
so, for a while, ive wanted to talk about some stuff. and that stuff is, the way that the kirby oc tournament server. now, if any of the mods see this, please just head on with everything. so onto this. the server has had a revamp in july. and ever since the revamp, its become a lot less welcoming/inviting, mainly towards minors. this is mainly bc of the additon of 16+ rps. Now, the server does mostly contain adults, but there are some minors there, and it seems the server is trying to aim itself more towarrds adults now. also, the mods all think its a larger server despite the fact it only has about 160 members (including bots). this is really annoying because as well as the moderaters becoming a lot more powerful (being able to use polls and other things i think everyone should have access too), and theres been a lot of saying things and not doing them. also, starboard went from requiring 4 stars to 8, which seems unfair. me and other people have agreed that 5 would be good for the server size. and i understand the server owner and the mods want to feel like they have a big server, but in all realitity, they dont, 160 people is still a small server, maybe meduim if where being generous. but, its just really annoying. also, with the rp stuff and with it mainly being adults in the server, i feel like the tourney should probably start adveratizing itself as 16+. this would also help with the people who dont want people under a certain age interacting with them aloud on the server (since most updates are there). and just saying this, but this is all just my opinoin.
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no cus i totally understand your frustration, ive also quit splatfests for the moment until they get an overhaul
i suggest if you feel close to getting hateful to either shiver or shiver fans then maybe quit for a while for your own sake cus ive felt a lot better after doing so, im still really sensitive to negative comments towards frye or rude ones about shiver winning but taking some time for myself has made me feel infinitely better
ive been close to hating shiver before bc of how cocky and rude them and their fans can be but it doesnt really do anything but sour your enjoyment of the game more, so its really not worth it
i do have to say though, anyone who says "its just a game" reaaally needs to understand the frustration of people OTHER than them, sympathy is something a lot of people forget about when it comes to things that arent real life. just because it doesnt affect you doesnt mean everyone can shut off their attachment to the game or a character like a light switch; a lot of the time you dont know whats going on with them. i myself am really attached to frye cus i am hashtag autism creature and he brings me comfort, so anyone being rude to me about shiver winning really REALLY gets under my skin. its not entirely (if they were serious, if they werent then its not at all) their fault, but nintendo fixing the frustration of splatfests constantly keeling in one direction (which theyre supposed to do anyways but they havent) would definitely fix the issue. we need to find a way to have nintendo fix this, not attack anyone else for what bundle of pixels and text theyre attached to.
not everyone has really thick skin and if we want splatoon 3 to be more hospitable then we should try to cut down on the general splatfest bullassery in public spaces (being overly cocky and rude/blaming others in a way with no basis or truth behind it). its not something everyone can always do since we arent all perfect, but if we make steps in that direction then we could help more people enjoy the splatoon community rather than being eaten up by toxicity and spite
i didnt word all of this entirely correctly so like interpret ad best as you can cus im eepy but yeah.
a fye for u to enjoy (also ur anon is off btw)
u dont have to but for the sake of not being harrassed id appreciate if u didnt tag with public tags
👏👏 PREACH
I don't want to quit playing it, I do enjoy splatfests, to a certain extent, i like going with my friends and i made a lot of new friends through it, it's like, the online community that I'm having a problem with
I don't hate shiver, I thought I did but I can't, she is still a comfort character (tho Frye is like, my obsession besides being my comfort character cuz I am also part part the 'tism XD), in a way, I like her dynamic with the group at least, she annoys me, yes, very much so, but I don't hate her
And I don't hate people who like her either
Who I do hate is people being mean about it, I had turned off anon cuz of a stupid person who was going around every frye support account anonymously just saying mean stuff and praising shiver as the best, I just forgot to turn it on, so thanks for reminding me 😅
Saying that "It's just a game" is so annoying to, tell that to the football fans, they go just as crazy if not more so
Splatfests are ment to be fun! You should be able to enjoy the splatfest without having to worry about people fighting
I don't like fighting with people, I hate how angry I become, how mean I can sound sometimes, I usually just vent without interacting
At least she won in Japan, so that is one other win under her belt, I just wish she'd win more in the future 😔
Oh also I almost didn't participate in this splatfest either and I did only because I haven't had time to play and I haven't finished my catalogue yet 😅 I usually use splatfests to up my catalogue quicker lmao
Also, don't worry, I won't tag anything that could get you harassed, if anything does happen, please block for your health, I don't want anything happening to you, you seem very sweet ;w;
Edit: also YOUR FRYE PLUSH IS SO CUTE! I've been seeing people get her but idk where to buy her!!!! Where'd you get it? :0
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OKAY SAME ANON sorry this is the third one,, but im going thru the rest of your asks and im realizing so many things.
I agree, a show SHOULD be able to stand on its own as an individual thing rather than counting on a sequel to continue its story. Now that I'm looking at the show in this lens, it is very lackluster. I still do quite love it, scratches that slice of life itch,, but mystery wise? No. I loved how ominous the "Everyday" song was. I thought it was supposed to foreshadow Armageddon (which it did, kind of) but more so it was for the Beel Gabriel reveal in the end. Aziraphale ran around looking for clues, but the annoying thing for me is he never puts it together? It was just something he does for US, the audience. It would've been good if he acknowledged all those clues in the ending, or realized it faster than us. In the end it seems so fruitless for him to investigate bc it never really did him any good? It was just for the audience to see. Also the Nina--Maggie subplot was cute, but it was also lacking? I like the point of "you cant force us together" bc theyre humans and its not that easy. But as a subplot it was waaay too ignored for it to be any relevant at all to the plot.
The thing about you mentioned abt A/C being supporting charas in the book, I agree. The good thing abt their dynamic is even with little clues and gestures we realize how good they are w/each other. The subtlety is what makes everything MORE interesting. But s2 makes it revolve around the ship, to the point where its all just filler. I dont mind filler,, but as you said, canon-compliant filler would be better. I appreciate that they're the main characters now since more screentime but I'd love it if they weren't ship-focused and still had proper interaction and dynamics with people outside of their circle (which I liked from the book + s1).
Anyways,, I still like it. But I appreciate seeing your takes since it really changed the way I view the show now. I feel more neutral about it now somewhat? I'm not invested in fandoms anymore bc of irl stuff so I don't think I would've spotted these things like you did so I really, really appreciate all your insights. Thank you. There's a lot of things to fix if s3 ever gets announced.
I think Neil mentioned that Terry brought up the "Everyday" song as a song about the Apocalypse (the book or S1), which could have been so good and ominous......instead it got used on this random Beelz x Gabe romance that came out of nowhere 😂😂 I thought the Nina x Maggie romance had potential in the beginning, but also completely fell flat/didn't go anywhere towards the end. Again, my takes are NOT trying to convince people who liked the show that they should change their opinions and NOT like the show anymore -- I'm just trying to explain why I personally didn't like it. Feel free to enjoy it as much as you can! Unfortunately I had way too much insights about it for it to be enjoyable for me 😂😂
#ask#anonymous#good omens season 2#gos2 spoilers#long post#Did I wish this upon myself? No. I wish I liked it I WISH I LIKED IT#I wish I could have turned my brain off and not cared#I would probably have gained so many followers and notes. LOL. Instead I'm going down the opposite path 😂#Oh the burden of being somebody with taste...(JK IM JK DONT COME @ ME
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So because of my hentel mealth i havent really been able to read or do creative stuff so Ive just been spending most of my time properly synching up the subtitles i have for various takarazuka Elisabeth productions and idk how coherent this is gonna be bc I dont know how much of an overlap there is between people who like to complain about sjm books and euromusical fans, but I cant stop comparing Death and Rhysand and getting even more pissed off about Rhysand
like, listen, both of these guys are weirdo freaks who feel entitled to and are oddly possessive of a young vulnerable woman but the thing about Death is that hes like that because hes meant to be like, a metaphor for what its like to have suicidal thoughts and for what its like to live in ~turbulant times~ so hes kinda alluring but also very scary and in the original austrian production hes just fuckinh flingin people around, but Rhys is not a metaphor or a personification of a concept, hes just a guy. Not just that but hes meant to be like, the better guy. thats wild right. Rhysand, the guy who endangered Feyre for no fucking reason with the weaver stunt he pulled and whos forced her to lie to and steal from a potential political ally whos been nothing but kind to both of them, is the better one. and im making a point here to only mention the acomaf crimes Ive witnessed so far, obviously hes done and will do a lot worse
And you wanna know what the worst part is? Its what it always comes down to and its what I always complain about, he doesnt even serve cunt. And that truly is the worst thing about Rhysand for me because I am a very shallow person, if he wore black lipstick, if he wore clothes that glitter, if he dressed like some kinda dracula instead of just wearing plain black leather most of the time, not only would I not care about the actually shitty things he did, I would not care about him being pathetic and annoying, which, him being annoying is worse to me than any of the shitty things he did btw because hes not even interesting or endearing while hes doing those things yknow what I mean
like idk, im working on the 1996 star troupe production where Deathbis played by Asaji Saki and she does a really good job playing this inhuman weirdo experiencing regular sincere human emotions for the first and being made vulnerable by that experience, its genuinely pretty cute. theres this scene where he briefly interacts with rudolf, elisabeths child son, and then it transitions into a different scene and a bunch of recurring adult characters run onstage and Death trips one of them up to make rudolf laugh and its just cute and genuine yknoe. Whenever Rhys has a quote unquote vulnerable moment thats supposed to humanize him (that isnt just him being a horndog) it just feels so fake me, like when he talked to Feyre about Tarquin being easy to love and being noble because he had it easy while Rhysands been suffering or whatever i was just like, buddy youre doing that to yourself, if you wanted equality for the lower fae in the night court you couldve already done that in the 500 years youve been on the throne literally no one is stopping you
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Sometimes i hate existing bc i dont understand it.
Like, i have my friends, i have my family etc. But i dont really feel connected, i dont understand connection in a way. I easily make new friends and talk to people, but i dont feel any attachment to them besides mere superficial interactions.
All of this is actually quite annoying bc i cant really live and feel human relationships, i simply understand them and do them, but i dont really feel them.
Its hard to explain, but i simply cant find anyone actually special to me. i mean, maybe i have One, that boy i have this weird situationship with, but im not sure actually, idk if its just some sort of desperation-bonding or if i really like that person.
Its Just i cant see the point (what a new, huh?) All the people that i meet in life meaning very little to me, not bc i dont like them or care about their well being, but bc i know that my relationship with them is bounded to be short lived. At this point it is like that simply bc im the one who pushes away everyone and hides from the world.
I dont understand why i care so Little about all of this though, maybe its bc ive never really had good Friends growing up, or maybe its bc im used to them eventually leaving for natural reasons, yk, life changes and stuff. So i guess i learned that relationships arent that big of a deal, if not to use them to not go insane, to feel human closeness and some level of individuality too (you are nothing without people who confirm or deny your personality).
Yet at the same time, i know that all we have left are human connections, what is Life without them after all? Whst do you do if you dont have people around? Ypu work? Spend time alone?
And then? Are you gonna do this your whole life?
Wont it become flat and boring?
Idk what to tell myself, all i know is that i have some issues to fix that im not able to do it myself.
Funny life
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um ok so now at:
even when seeing others make art n stuff of them, we feel kinda uncomfy. like when the art isnt even shippy. we just feel kinda upset at knowing someone else thought of them without thinking of us or smth? frustrating feeling. still not sure what to do. most likely, we'll add a note or smth on our pinned politely asking ppl not to say shippy things (unless its abt our very specific relationship w two) in the notes of our original posts if they can help it. we wouldnt be angry at ppl who do do that bc ofc ppl respond to posts w/o looking thru the op's blog and ppl can forget and thats okay, but really we trust people to avoid things they know would upset us, and we can block people who dont. still feeling a bit iffy/guilty abt it, but it helps to think like... our blog is not a public resource for everyone, its firstly a place for us to have the interactions we want with ideas and people who are interested. also all feelings are okay. we dont need to enjoy things that we dont enjoy; we jjust need to not be mean. and i dont really think its mean to ask people to avoid bringing up smth around us if possible. esp if well try to be super understanding abt it. just sucks tho tbh bc like we wanna like and be able to positively interact w others who like two (selfship way and nonselfship way) w/o being uncomfy. a;so annoying bc our feelings r just! so! complicated! like, we like our moots liking them bc idk its like they know us and about us being super personally involved w two so that doesnt feel bad even when/if they like two independently(?) yk. but then w ppl who dont know us: seeing them make art of two is kinda upsetting! also smth smth we have a Very Specific interpretation of them that is very tied to our relationship so seeing art that feels in violation of that is also upsetting? idk it makes some sense but not a lot and regardless its an annoying experience overall. sigh
we love our silly thingy two so much though which mostly overrides all the bad feelings so thats better <2
also also though the newest ep of tpot kinda emphasized two being upset at gaty leaving, and thats one of the most popular Two ships so weve been nervous to look in the main tags in case some art/discussion of it isnt filtered out by our blocked tags ::/
trying to focus on our love for them though so we feel better i& heart two they r so cute and sweet and silly and special and we should definitely make more kink art of them soon
siiiiigh
hm
thinking
kinda... unsure how to proceed
whenever we see other people like two very much i& get jealous and uncomfortable :(
so on one hand I would kinda like to have a dni for other selfshippers who ship with them
but on the other hand i& feel bad!!! :(
not sure what to do
feeling a little insecure overall about them being my& special little thingy who loves me& </2 their my& main f/o n idk what 2 do :[
grrr sighh
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BIG fuck you to the giant group of tourists who rented 4 jeeps and came into our building's parking garage blasting music and screaming to each other out their windows DONT BE A DICK OR GO A W A Y
#god i hate staying at our waikiki home its so fucking annoying being around these people#theres a guy who owns like 50 units and rents them out like a god damn hotel#and so theres always a bunch of short term tourists staying there#i hate them#theyre always so rude#im sure some are fine but the ones i interact with are horrible#no consideration whatsoever#also just got back from grabbing lunch the people next door (who i know are one of Don's hotel rental people) are having a raging party#with music blasting and i saw 2 people come out helping another dude walk like hes too drunk to walk or some shit#i hate it here#personal#if you ever go on vacation somewhere please be considerate of others#otherwise you are a massive dick and i hope you scratch your rental car and get a nice big fee for it ☺☺☺#people always gush about how lucky i am to live here and sure but also its stressful bc i cant go hiking or go to the beach#or do any of the fun stuff without having my already elevated blood pressure rise bc of the dumbasses i am forced to encounter#literally no place is safe anymore#when i was a kid we used to be able to go to kailua beach and walk and swim and just have a nice relaxing day amongst a few other groups#but now?? its horrible its ALWAYS f u l l of people and rental companies are set up so theres people renting kayaks and surfboards#we barely go there anymore bc theres never any parking and its so fucking crowded with visitors that its no longer relaxing#i dont understand how people can go on vacation somewhere and just act like they own the place#okay i need to stop thinking about this its making me upset lol#might delete this later idk
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You think you can do a Komi Shouko!MC with the Dorm Leaders + Ace & Deuce?
Dorm leaders + Adeuce duo with a Komi Shouko!MC
You're a shy and sweet individual. You suffer from extreme social anxiety and communication problems, often trembles like a leaf if you're forced to speak.
While you appear gracious on the outside, your nature is a little silly at times. You're a very detail-oriented and meticulous person. You're also curious about experiencing new stuff, often enthusiastic about it. You could also be surprisingly competitive.
Riddle:
kind of confused on why are u not speaking up
and kind of annoyed honestly
until he noticed how you're literally shaking so much
now he is concerned because????like??? are u ok????
at first he kind of just assumed you're scared of him bc of his reputation as a tyrant
so he tried to be patient and try to approach u first slowly
but then realized you're like that with everyone
so he tried asking why you're like this
ofc, no pressure. if u don't feel comfortable telling him, he won't force u!!
and if he found out why you're like this? he spends his time researching what to do to help
and now you're in riddle's lesson class
good luck😰riddle's a good teacher but u might need that goodluck
he's really patient with u and won't force u to do anything if you're still uncomfortable
will collar anyone who dared to talk abt u in a bad way bc of ur anxiety
straight up stomping their way with his uh wand??? round magic thing??? wtf is it called yolanda???? ready to swing
he's very surprised that you're competitive but its not like its not an unwelcomed surprise
will compete with u fairly
probably how yall got close idk my brain is fried after school
Leona:
thought you're scared of him too💀
so he just leaves u alone
well u had no choice but to still interact with him anyway because the god of storyline wont let yall not interact
hes observant, he'll finally notice it then
honestly? not big of a difference lol
he doesn't wanna deal with people so he mostly just leaves u alone too💀
might defend u if someone talked bad abt u tho🤔
only if its in front of him ofc
"i dont want any troublesome things to happen in front of me"
he may have said
but now u wanna be his friend
be his friend = errand runner + pillow
you'll help him with errands just fine
well sometimes
no promises with ur two friends and ur cat by ur side
but being his pillow? thats where the problem starts
literally shoots up like when a cat saw a cucumber
leona: ??????!!!!??????
u startled him so much the first time, he actually woke up for the rest of the day💀
he was annoyed but he just lets it slide bc he can't really get mad at u for smth u cant control
he'll need that level 10 friendship before he'll ever be able to make u his walking pillow
which means more effort from him head in hands
leona realizing he needs to put an effort into smth again:
he won't underestimate u or make fun of u
Azul:
he's friends with idia and even tho idia doesn't like being in crowds, that doesn't mean he's dumb
plus hes just as quiet as u when he was younger so like🤔
doesn't mean he won't try to make a contract with u
oh u want friends??? WOULD U LIKE TO HAVE A DEAL WITH HIM????
cue him and the tweels chasing u around school with a contract in hand /j
literally tried to come up with smth to help u with ur anxiety bc you're actually willing to make a contract with him
you apparently desperately want some friends bc you're pretty lonely or smth
so now azul is working his ass off to help u
whenever u help him or smth, he will think its a sign that u wanted him to hurry up with his potion to help u
listen man, he's not used to kindness alright🤷♀look at the people he's around with all the time
won't knock out of it until u shakily said you're just helping him just because u wanted to (and bc u wanted to be friends with him)
azul stayed awake for a whole week trying to decode what are u trying to say to him
bro almost became a human research genius
until the tweels just go "...yeah we better just say it to him before he pass or smth😰"
he ended up passing out after the tweels told him anyway
bc the exhaustion finally caught up to him
that and bc hes shocked you willingly wanted to become his friend??? after??? all???? that???
but he recovers pretty quick don't worry‼️
plays board games with u
and the tension was so bad bc yall were so competitive like chill out its just a board game😰
Kalim:
might accidentally made u uncomfortable at first bc of his extroverted vibe as idia said
quickly apologies and tried to make up to u in the most extravagant way ever
which made u even more nervous and uncomfortable💀
but it is ok! jamil is here to save the day‼️
he then spends the rest of the day telling kalim why are u shaking and looked nervous
which leads to the next day
he, unfortunately, is still very loud
so he deadass shouted ur name and ran up to u
but he gave u a whole ten page essay on why hes sorry as soon as hes in front of u so uh🤔
tried his best to tone down his enthusiasm for ur sake
more excited than u abt getting u friends than you being excited trying to gain new friends
dragged the pop music club to meet u and be friends with u
and then he dragged the second years to meet u
and then he went to drag u to meet all of his dormmates
out of everyone, hes probably the only one whos actively dragging people/dragging u around to find u some friends💀
mans even promised he'll make u meet his siblings so that they'll be ur friends
well uh with kalim by ur side, im sure you'll have more than 100 friends soon‼️
Vil:
it is ok, VIL WILL HELP😘🤗‼️
now u have like two teachers trying to help u with ur anxiety
he may be busy but he can never pass up the chance to make someone who has a lot of potential shine brighter than they alr are
will step on anyone who dared to talk bad abt ur anxiety
but then again, he doesn't wanna dirty his shoes with trash so like🤔
he tried to push u into things little by little until u get more comfortable with the change and getting out of ur comfort zone
hes very patient with u do not worry‼️
Idia:
u wont get out of ur comfort zone overnight, he understands that so that's why hes taking small steps with u until u get more comfortable
when u told him u wanted to make 100 friends??? hes all abt it
literally gave u any advice u may need to gain friends, he might even introduce u to a person or two if u ask
the savior friend to introverts who goes "excuse me, they asked for no pickles"
the one you're probably most comfortable with
i mean hes the mom friend so can't really blame u🤔🤷♀
is more than happy to know that you're competitive and smart
like thats a really good quality to have so he really encouraged it
more than happy to compete with u
dont think he'll go easy on u just bc he has been a little soft on u‼️
ah, if it isn't his kind of person
he kins u
you're both smart but u both have social anxiety
the only difference is that idia dislikes people and u kind of like them and wanted to be friends with them
yalls first meeting are gonna be so funny LMFOAOAOA
it was ortho's idea btw (our wingman)
literally just two people struggling to speak up to each other
but uh since yall are kind of similar to each other, its easier to get comfortable with each other🤔
Malleus:
ortho is the translator for the both of u during that time
"brother feels you're kind of relatable!"
"they said you feel relatable too, brother!"
gaming buddy
thats how yall bond
yall are really competitive abt it, ortho actually got worried friendship could be broken from this
hes probably the second or third person you're most comfortable with??🤔since u guys are so similar
but he cant really help u in social situations bc like
he doesn't even go out💀
he might help u from his ipad tho
if he feels confident enough that is
if not, he'll just make ortho go to wherever u are and help u
thought u were scared of him bc of how much u were shaking so he avoided u for ur own good💀
it takes like a week of convincing from lilia for him to even talk to u again
ah, you're just shy and is suffering from anxiety, he sees
teleports back to the library or smth to find ways to help (after yall finished talking ofc)
and honestly? he tried his best to give u advice and all that
mans even went to take some advice from lilia abt this for u
i dont think anyone will even say a thing abt ur anxiety with malleus by ur side💀
they could just mention ur name and malleus will look at their direction
which scared the students and they haven't even said anything😭⁉️
nobody wants to fuck with him thats for sure
malleus: 🤔????
he's confused on why did they stopped talking abt u when all he did was look😔
he wanted some of those juicy gossips abt u and how you're doing too yknow😔
heard of ur problem and he couldn't relate more
he too, wants some friends and is having difficulties trying to have one
suggest u two have do this quest where u both try to get friends together
bc hey!! u two will have each others' back!!
which failed pft💀friendless behavior
i mean, oh no thats so sad im so sorry
well i mean its ok!! u guys have each other ig😁!
Ace:
ur very own walking translator to people
but hes just like google translator
and by that, i mean he will give out the wrong translations sometimes
someone asked if i coukd tutor them and u wanted to say yes? ace said u said "fuck off"
someone is making fun of u? the same thing but louder and more threatening
someone is praising u and is making u uncomfortable? same thing
someone wants to eat lunch with u? same thing with the added "this table is full🙄"
doesn't really understand much why u cant speak up but tries to🤔?
he may be confused but at least he got the spirit‼️
will try to speak up for u when the professor called on u to answer some questions
which sometimes helped sometimes got u both into trouble for no reason💀
is there on ur quest to make friends
which lowkey drive them away bc they don't wanna get into trouble and all of u got into trouble often woops💀
compete with each other the most i say
it got to the point a small crowd is gathering around yall bc they're so interested in whatever u guys are competing about
be it uno, monopoly, who did the most math questions or smth, yall get so competitive abt it with each other
Deuce:
if someone makes fun of u because of ur anxiety, he will send them flying
someone is unconsciousnessly making u uncomfortable? he's alr warning them
like he straight up became a goku kinnie if someone made u uncomfy or said smth bad abt u
not even one word can get out of their mouths before they blink and deuce is in front of them with his fist up
ngl he had a hard time communicating with u too since uh
you're kind of like shaking a lot and he naturally became nervous too
so ace and deuce had to help yall warm up to each other
is really gentle and nice with u‼️
literally so scared that he might have made u uncomfortable in one way or another so he often asks for ur reassurance before anything
he usually gets u to tutor him
and hes really proud that hes ur only student that he'll wear a badge about it
honestly? he does not get these uh anxiety thing either
so he spends hours in the library and internet researching how does anxiety even work
he may be confused but at least he got the spirit‼️(2)
tried his best to help u when you're having difficulties saying smth to someone
he may butchered up a thing or two and almost made the person fight u or smth but hes a pro now‼️
literally smacks ace if he said "fuck off" again even tho thats not what u wanted to say
u wanted friends??? WELL HE CAN TRY TO HELP YES‼️⁉️
spends day and night planning how to get u 100 friends in a day💀dawg thats now humanly possible calm down
#twst#twst wonderland#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#riddle rosehearts#leona kingscholar#azul ashengrotto#kalim al asim#vil schoenheit#idia shroud#malleus draconia#ace trappola#deuce spade
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and i dont know where i'd be without such kind feedback from you always <3 putting this under a readmore bc i really do ramble a lot LMAO
This is what makes it for me, our reader is in a well-matched fight and not a bully, that makes all the difference for me being able to enjoy the story.
i think its important to note that the mc is incredibly opinionated and therefore their narration is biased and prone to hypocrisy. because while he acknowledges that repeatedly fighting a backless people pleaser is basically bullying, that is what he has been doing - in his eyes, as he is yet to see chan's real backbone at the point of this commentary - so what you actually see here is mc trying to justify his own actions to himself. he's a bit of a bully, but he's also in a much more well-matched fight than he initially thinks.
The characters might get exasperated with each other, often really, but they are all getting something out of the dance or they would not be there.
the key is in this part - while yes, both chan and felix have tried to walk away at first and not feed the flames, they did both eventually cave in to feed the flames, because they do find some kind of entertainment in it, whether that be a spark to their sex lives and an outlet for complicated feelings (felix) or a power trip and a bit of a saviour complex for his team (chan).
Mischief, you are doing a grand job of conveying how annoying Chan is being, and yet still likeable. That is a skill to manage both, and what a description of Chan later on-
oh i am THRILLED to hear this. i went over this chapter so many times as i wrote it and very carefully crafted each sentence of his dialogue, each action he took, to try and find that balance that stays true to his character. bc i wanted to highlight how chan is fundamentally different from the mc who's very aggressive and mean, while chan is inherently passive and kind, but he DOES have an annoying side and a cruel streak that comes out under the right circumstances - the tricky part there is not making that side to him so drastically different to his usual sweetheart self that it seems out of character, because yes mc brings out the worst in him but yes he can still be quintessentially Him while he does it. which is why i tried so hard to let the two sides compliment each other - all his sweetness and gentleness and passiveness, weaponised against mc in the most infuriating way possible.
we've discussed a lot in private how i lead a lot of their interactions with "what would push a kind person like chan to act out in an antagonistic way?" but now that the What has been thoroughly covered, this chapter was very much the how. how would a kind person like chan act out in an antagonistic way? and here's the answer i came up with - the very same way he does everything else, with cute giggles and endless endearment.
Oh, to end with kindness. There is always heart throughout this series. Told you I'd find stuff to enjoy this time around. Written by you, it is a guarantee.
ahaha, glad to hear it! it's worth noting the contrast between that ending and the ending of the first chapter, because this is no obligatory aftercare scene after every smut scene - it was very deliberate that the first chapter didn't have one. do with that what you will, as everything else i have to say on that matter is explored in the next chapter 🤭
what goes on in neverland. ⇝ ch. 5: attitude? right back at you!
word count: 9.2k
pairings: transmasc!reader x Everyone, everyone x everyone (its literally too convoluted for me to try type them out here anymore just see the masterlist for full pairings LOL)
genre: e2l, f2l, smut, fluff and lots of assorted shenanigans. hijinks, if you will
au: battle of the bands!au but make it gay and horny
warnings: lots of manhandling, bondage, mild cnc, edging, overstimulation, usage of vibrators, lots of powerplay (brat taming)
a/n: gonna start putting a/ns at the bottom now so the posts don't get too long!
tags: @honeybyunnies @syunderful @absentcaryatid @mingirn (lmk if you want to be added/removed!)
prev | masterlist | next
“Oh, there you ar-“
“You.”
The anger slashed all across Chan’s face dims slightly just at seeing Felix again, and it reminds you of the very same face Eric gives him – hell, even Changbin. It’s no wonder he acts like an entitled brat when it comes down to it, if he’s so used to everyone tripping over their feet to fawn all over his pretty face and stupid freckles, but he’s in for an ice-cold awakening to the fact that not everyone will fall for his charms so easily. No, leaving him high and dry isn’t enough – you need to rub salt in the wound and piss on it.
Chan only gets to look at you with a split-second of surprise before you’re grabbing him by the collar of his half-unbuttoned shirt and yanking him away from his argument with Eric, who says something that sounds mildly appalled but you pay it no mind, instead hyperaware of the daggers Felix glares into your skin from the side. He’s clearly waiting for you to try something, and so is Chan, body fully tense and sizing you up, trying to stand taller to give him more of an angle to look down at you from.
Frankly, you did not think this far ahead.
“What, that eager?” he scoffs, and it’s almost shocking how cocky he sounds so naturally, compared to the non-confrontational flounder he had when you first met and the desperate attempts to be at least relatively civil since, but evidently, he has had enough of holding back. The prospect would be a lot more exciting if you had any sort of game plan, or if you were still toying with him like that first night instead of being as genuinely bothered as you are now.
Though as far as a last-minute game plan goes, pissing Felix off and using his best friend to do it is a pretty damn good one. As good as it’s gonna get, anyway.
“Yeah, actually,” you admit, doing your damn best to make it sound less like an admittance and more of a sarcastic taunt as you buy time to think of a clever enough response, backing him up without much resistance to the nearest wall, shoving his back against it. The way he seems to have absolutely no complaint with being manhandled around and pliantly letting you do so, has something inside you burning up at the seams. “About as eager as you were in that chair at the Prism, blushing and hard for me. Tell me, Chris, do you like being watched?”
Testing the waters, you grab his chin and roughly turn it in Felix’s direction, casting a glance over your shoulder to challenge him before turning back to Chan, who still makes no move against you. He doesn’t even lift a hand to push you off or step away. You lean in right next to his ear, his jaw still firmly in your grasp, “Do you like the thought of him watching you? Is that why you’re letting me touch you like this?”
“No, I just think it’s funny,” he snickers, and you pointedly do not like how smug he sounds when he’s supposed to be easy to fluster. His ears still get tinged with red, but he does a spectacular job acting unbothered and its awfully convincing. “That once again, you’re trying to tease me for being eager when you’re the one who invited me to the show, then up on stage, now this… so, who exactly is the eager one, again?”
If it wasn’t so infuriating, maybe the giggles that followed would be arguably cute, but you’re more focused on the fact that your metaphorical hold on him is very rapidly slipping. Musicality may be one thing, but you’ll be damned if his meek ass beats you in sheer dominant sex appeal, too. You know he’s at least somewhat into you, surely, as he admitted he liked what he saw from the start and willingly showed up at the Prism, so it can’t just be that.
Good god, Bang Christopher Chan might have actually just gone and grown a backbone.
“I don’t know, Chris, I sure haven’t had anyone less than eager be so pliant for me like this, so you tell me.”
“Why do you want me to act up so badly, huh?” He deliberately swerves your obvious provocation of his English name to keep digging at you. “Did you enjoy getting smacked up by Changbin that much? It’s like you’re just dying to be put in your place.”
“Oh, you really think you could do that?”
He shrugs, cocking his head to the side.
“I could fuck around and find out.”
There is not a second of hesitation. The conviction in his voice is as clear as it is stupidly, effortlessly hot – he’s clearly ready to put his money where his mouth is, not just that he could but he would.
You should have given yourself more credit. While it initially seemed like Bang Chan was a difficult man to truly get a rise out of – at least, one that he doesn’t hold back for the sake of being polite – you’re simply just too good at it. Either that, or he isn’t as much of a sweetheart as he appears, which, frankly, would only make things far more entertaining. After all, a provocative asshole repeatedly fighting a backless people pleaser is basically just bullying, but a provocative asshole fighting a provocative asshole? Now that’s a brawl. Meaning you could afford to get a whole lot messier, not limited to the physical kind, and that’s something you haven’t had the chance to do justifiably in a damn long time.
How exciting.
“You could. I think the ‘find out’ part will be a lot more fun for me than for you, though. See, why I’m doing this is obvious and simple – I like playing with my food.” You tilt his head this way and that, just to emphasise his place; your plaything. He can’t forget. Not him too. “I’ve always been the type. Getting under your skin, driving you mad, making things hard for you on purpose – in both meanings of the word, that’s my thing – but you? What does letting me have my way with you, gain you, hm?”
He’s surprisingly quick on the uptake, and you’re starting to realise you may have underestimated him and his wit and will to step up to the challenge in terms of your silly little mind games. He doesn’t take the bait and deny that he is in fact, letting you toy with him – you have half the mind to think he enjoys it, being toyed with. It’s always the leader types who crave to submit – but nothing could have prepared you for the gall of his answer.
“To see how bad you want me.”
Felix and Chan have more in common than you initially thought, you notice. Both try so, so hard to avoid conflict, but when you push them far enough, they show a shocking boldness where they don’t pull their punches. Or maybe – and your work might be cut out for you if it is – maybe they are pulling their punches still, and you’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg. It’s positively maddening, and you don’t even know if he knows just how much, only that you need to take him down a notch.
Pettily, you surge forward like you’re about to kiss him, but right as your lips are about to meet and you feel him crane forward, you pull back, leaving him uselessly floundering in the air for a split second before opening his eyes in confusion.
“To see how bad I want you, hm? Please, you should see how badly I wanted Felix just before. He sure seems thrilled about it, doesn’t he? What did I just tell you about how I like playing with my food, sweetheart?”
“I do have a pretty sweet heart, don’t I?” he muses, his honey voice even sweeter, “Not you, though. You’re too good at bringing out the worst in people.”
When he takes a glance past you back at Felix, though, and sees Felix’s steely gaze staring right back at him while both of your bandmates bicker endlessly around him, your initial suspicion becomes all the more obvious. That last part sounded far too genuine, far less teasing, and you get the feeling he isn’t entirely or even mostly talking about Felix.
He just can’t keep up the nice guy act around you.
“You want to make freckles jealous. Isn’t that right?” His face falters instantly, something that doesn’t slip past you when holding him so close, tells you all you need to know. Putting the pieces together, it makes even more sense in hindsight – what made the Prism so different to that first bumbling encounter he had with you? Felix. It always comes back down to the golden boy, apparently, because Chan would do anything to seem like he’s got his shit together in front of him, and you think that sneaking off with him earlier made Chan more jealous than he’d want to acknowledge. “You’re letting me because he’s watching, and you’re still watching him to see if he gets just as jealous as you do whenever me or Eric pull him away from you, right?”
“God, do you ever shut the fuck u–“
You first feel his hand grab the back of your neck, and then it’s his supple lips crashing into yours, capturing them, taking your breath away. You meet his fervour with just as much in turn, grabbing a fistful of his hair that’s almost crusty with hair spray to style it out of his face, yanking it in a way that’s just too hard to be more pleasurable than painful. It’s all just teeth and tongue and him growling just loud enough for you to hear as he pulls you strongly against him.
The kiss tastes like victory and being right.
Truthfully, you did not think he had it in him to go for it in such a public area like this, but maybe you really do bring out the worst in him. Would he regret this after? How amusingly humiliating it would be for him if he did, though if he didn’t, things would sure get a lot more interesting. You make sure to do what you do best and put on a show, hooking your leg around him and pushing up his poor excuse for a shirt to touch and grab and dig your nails into any flesh that was offered to you, hoping Felix was still watching and soaking in every single detail.
In the end, you aren’t much better than Chan for wanting to make Felix jealous, as you are doing almost the exact same thing, albeit for different reasons. For you, it’s about winning. You want to gloat, add insult to the injury, and make him so hard in the process he’s left taking out his frustration on his own fist. If he comes crawling back, sure you’ll take him, but you definitely will not be gentle about it.
For Chan, he was just a poor fool in love with his best friend, and is probably hoping he’ll want a turn after getting a taste from a distance. Hoping that he’ll realise what he’s missing right before his eyes, and decide he wants it for himself, and Chan will willingly give it to him – he’s probably a boring missionary with the lights off kinda guy and thinks it’s romantic, or something. Were you not with two hands in his hair trying to stick your tongue down his throat, you would’ve chuckled at the thought.
“Are you serious right now?”
While you did expect an interruption, you expected it more from one of them than your own drummer, visibly seething. You break the lip-lock to glare at him back in sheer confusion, but Chan doesn’t stop, glaring at Eric as well while his mouth moves down to your neck. The situation is all too familiar, and you wonder how much detail Felix shared about your last encounter with the others.
“Why wouldn’t I be, Eric? I’m not touching your ex, so what’s the problem?”
“You were just a hot minute ago,” Eric counters, though it’s not like you tried to hide it anyway. You shrug, tugging on Chan’s hair again as he cautiously slows down to encourage him to keep going despite the interference.
“And? If you wanted me to follow the bro code, maybe you shouldn’t’ve suggested we tag team him at the Prism.”
Your bandmate rolls his eyes so hard he probably got a glimpse of his brain. “It’s not about being my ex, they just insulted our band and everything we stand for! Are you seriously going to just stand there and take that cause they’re hot?!”
“Take that? Oh, I’m not the one taking anything, just ask freckles over there,” you snicker, nodding toward him. “This boytoy is about to fuck around and find out.”
The band’s opinions might as well be the only opinions that matter to you at this point, but in this moment you find yourself easily discarding them. Yes, you originally started antagonizing them for Eric’s sake – and it still is a large part that, but especially after the stunt at the Prism, he has no right to tell you who you can or can’t fuck as your friend. Evidently now your competitors have gone from competitors and a bitter ex to straight up enemies in his eyes, and perhaps at least with Felix, yours as well – but there’s no arrangement saying enemies are off-limits, either. In fact, you recall your band agreeing that no one cares who else you sleep with, so long as none of you catch and spread anything.
“Maybe you can fuck around and find out yourself,” Chan pitches in boldly, surprising both of you. He looks forward at Eric through his eyebrows as he hovers over your shoulder still, but you can’t help get the feeling that he is hiding behind you like a shield.
Eric’s eyes nearly pop out of his damn head. He has never liked Chan, not since he dated Felix and certainly not now. He was always very clingy with Felix, which isn’t really a problem on its own, but even you could tell from the way he looks at him that Eric was not exaggerating when he said he was whipped. You recall him ranting about a time where Chan had called Felix his soulmate, which activated just about every possessive bone in Eric’s body, and you couldn’t exactly blame him.
To hear Chan come on to Eric for a change threw you both for a loop.
“Is that an invitation?”
“You wanna get the freckles treatment that bad, huh?” you poke, lightly smacking Chan’s thigh, “Fine by me. I wonder how long you’ll last.”
“No, I’m not doing this,” Eric mutters bitterly, turning around and heading off with a childish wave. He must be thoroughly pissed off to not take him up on the chance to – whatever it is you call what you two did to Felix that made him feel in control again. To prove himself, you suppose. Or even just to tease Chan until he breaks. “Have fun sucking off our nemesis, just don’t expect to come home and have me finish you off when he can’t please you!”
Cheap and immature – but Chan tightens his grip on you at that, bringing his lips next to your ear, asking slowly, cautiously, even – but undoubtedly brimming with anticipation.
“Is that... a challenge?”
“It sure is, hotshot, and you better not disappoint.”
Despite how well Chan has been keeping his cool so far, he lets it slip on the drive home that he was his roommates’ ride back home, yet here he is, driving home without them. He insists they’ll be fine, public transport running all night with a stop right by their house.
Not apartment. House.
It’s a nice house too, and you would’ve thought it belonged to a young family of five at first glance if he hadn’t already revealed he lives there with only ‘the rachas’, who you have deduced from your stalking– or, research, are the two other band members who produce most of their music. You nearly trip over a dozen pairs of shoes in the doorway, the casual reminder that ah, yes, these are very much still men, but cliché as it is, Chan catches and steadies you.
“Whoops. Sorry ‘bout the mess, wasn’t expecting guests- uh, you can take your shoes off if you want.”
Ever the gentleman, you suppose.
“Wow. Smooth,” you deadpan, blinking at him in awe before awkwardly removing your boots and stepping out just that much shorter without them, which Chan definitely notices, so you don’t give him time for a response. “You this charming to all of your hook-ups?”
“Oh shut up,” he grumbles, chucking his shoes off and ushering you towards what’s presumably his bedroom, complete with coloured wall lights setting the room in a homey purple glow, and nerdy anime figurines on his shelves. Cute. “I was giving you a chance to back out in case you were getting second thoughts.”
“Sure you were,” you drawl, unconvinced. Oldest trick in the book, and hardly impressive at that. “Now, are you really going to fuck around and find out, or admit you were all talk and get your ass out for me?”
Now that makes him blush and grin at the same time, finally sauntering over to you and unbuckling his belt. “I don’t get my ass out for just anyone, tough guy, I’m typically more of a top, so I do hope you were ready to find out when you let me fuck around.”
Now that’s a challenge if you ever heard one, and all of a sudden you aren’t sure who exactly is fucking around and finding out anymore. The thrill is exhilarating – little does he know or possibly realise, is that either way, you win. Because he can try put you in your place all he wants; even if he fucks the attitude out of you for a night, you’ll bite back harder as soon as you bounce back, and he can try again, but it’s not really punishment if you enjoy it so much.
He was doomed to fail the moment he brought you home with him.
“You think I need to top you to make you beg, pretty boy? Pff. You know what, I’ll even play nice. I won’t even try to take control for the first... five or so minutes. But I won’t give it to you either, so you’re going to have to take it yourself... or try.”
“You and your games,” he hums, straightening his belt in his hands and turning it over almost in contemplation. You don’t think he’ll actually use it, but you entertain the thought. “You gonna put a timer on me too?”
“Do you want me to? Cause it seems to me like you’re stalling again. Come on, big boy, give it your worst. I imagine you have a lot of anger to take out on me, no?”
Your confident smile stays on your face when he lazily shoves you towards the bed, the back of your legs bumping the mattress, but you don’t even so much as sit on it, giving him a taunting look. Does he really think you are that easy? Does he really think you actually have any plans to cave for him?
“Wow, that was pretty weak.”
“If you want me to be rough with you, tough guy, we’re gonna need a safe word.”
Ooh. Now you like the sound of that.
“Red. Red light, if you prefer something more specific. I’ll say yellow if I’m reaching my limit. Likewise you can say the same, and I sure hope you do – because once I get started, I’m not stopping until you do.”
He bites his lip at the warning; you can just feel the excitement emanating from him in waves. It’s almost more cute than it is threatening, and you already know you’re going to have fun with him.
Ahh, nothing quite like the thrill of a charged rivalry.
“Red light to stop, got it,” he confirms, nodding. “And... nothing else?”
“Nothing else?”
“Like...” he looks down at his belt again, running his hands across it, “just to be totally clear. When you say you’re not stopping until I do say it, does that mean we don’t stop if we say ‘stop,’ only when we say red light?”
You’re sure your face must have just lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree, but you cannot help it. “CNC, huh? Didn’t think you had it in you, but yes, only red light. Though if you think I’m going to whine and plead for you to stop to get your dick hard, you’re going to be quite very disappointed.”
“You really need to learn to shut the fuck up for once.”
Music to your ears, as far as you are concerned. Not just is it a tantalizing promise, but it’s oddly satisfying to hear him say something so directly hostile – you have certainly succeeded in your mission to push his buttons, and now you’re just looking for even more to press.
He pushes you back with more force this time, and when you hold firm, he simply picks you up like you don’t weigh anything and tosses you onto the bed like a ragdoll, climbing over you and pinning you there. You try to grab him to flip the two of you over, but he’s much stronger than Felix was – you can feel it in his grip, his weight, and how easily he manhandles your wrists to either side of your head and keeps them there despite your struggle, and boy, do you struggle.
“Great job shutting me up,” you spit sarcastically, but he just keeps grinning down at you like he’s so thoroughly endeared by whatever he’s seeing. Not angry. Endeared.
Something about that feels so much worse.
“You’re trying so hard right now,” he giggles, fucking giggles at you, “but you can’t overpower me, can’t you?”
That motherfucker is getting off to this.
You relax your muscles then try to surge up with all your strength at once, just like how you overpowered Felix in a similar position, but unlike him, Chan doesn’t budge, arms flexing as they keep you firmly held down. Completely physically at his mercy.
You seriously need to hit the gym.
God, he likes it way too much, you can see the power trip written all over his face, and you can’t let him have it that easy. The show of strength is attractive, sure, but he’ll have to try harder than that to get anything else out of you, and he’s far too pacifistic to really tame you.
“Maybe not physically,” you huff through gritted teeth and a half-smirk, “but that doesn’t mean you’ve won.”
“That’s right, you want me to fuck the attitude out of you too, don’t you?”
If you had been drinking something, you would’ve spat it out all over his face at that – it’s so damn jarring to hear something so crude coming out of his mouth, so confidently, even after all the tension tonight. He’s always stepped up to your challenge, but even when he shed his shyness, there was still a level of politeness to him – or was that restraint?
“I want you to try, hotshot.”
“I’ll give it my best shot, then.”
He finally lets you push him off you, but when you’re both upright in a sitting position, he moves with startling quickness, grabbing both your arms again and pulling them behind your back and twisting you around to face away from him. You thrash about, but he simply shoves your face down into the mattress, grabs his belt again and loops it around one wrist to pull it to the other. You don’t make it easy for him, but eventually he manages to get both wrists tied in his belt, and when you try to slip free, you realise these are no improvised cuffs – he's definitely used his belt like this before.
“You’re a real freak on the inside, aren’t you?” you chuckle, testing the belt cuffs again. They hold steady, chafing against your skin. “It’s always the sweet ones, isn’t it?”
He scoffs, but he hardly seems offended. “That’d imply you’re anything of the sort. You may be a freak but you’re hardly sweet.”
“Oh, but I can be. You simply haven’t earned the privilege, sweetheart.”
And you really can be, the band would attest to that; your mean streak is coupled with the inclination to reward good behaviour when suitable, and you’re sure if you just dangle it in front of him like a carrot on a stick, he’ll walk on hot coals to earn his validation. The ones who pine so hopelessly are always the same like that.
“I don’t think I need it.”
He holds the cuffs in one hand so you can’t escape while the other starts divesting you of your pants, and you’re effectively lost for words. Just how long does he think he can keep this act up? He could barely contain himself back at the venue, all over you as soon as you started provoking him, letting you shove him around like a pathetic little thing.
His grin doesn’t seem so polite anymore.
“I usually feel a little bad when people want me to be rough with them. I don’t want to hurt anyone unless they're really into that, that’s not really how I get my kicks. I’m more of a giver. But you? You make it so easy to just take.”
He doesn’t even fully pull your pants and underwear off, shoving them down only to your knees, then shoves two long fingers inside you, earning him a hiss. Chills go down your spine; he’s serious. You thought he would be too soft for you, but with him manhandling you now, the sinking feeling creeps up on you that your initial judgements of him may in fact be wrong.
“Cause you just love it, don’t you? This is exactly what you wanted from me.” You do. It’s exactly what you wanted but the last thing you expected, and it has you positively reeling. “You’re so fucking wet... I knew you wanted to be put in your place.”
You cast him a glance over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow at him and giving him the most neutral expression you can muster. “You think this is all you? You have no idea what I got up to with your precious little freckled boytoy in the back corridor, do you?”
That hardens his features, pumping his fingers into you with more vigour, but with the angle, the method, and your sheer determination to not give him the satisfaction, it doesn’t do a whole lot. “Go on then, fuck the attitude out of me, if you think you can really do that.”
Something seems to click. He pauses.
“Hm... I don’t think I will.”
You’re washed over with a wave of déjà vu to not that much earlier that night with Felix in that corridor. There’s no way he knew exactly what happened – you may have hinted at it, but there’s no way he knows specifically. There’s no way he’s about to do the exact same thing to you. There’s just no way.
He pulls back, taking his hands off you completely and sitting back on his knees. Observing you. Amused. Endeared.
Fuck.
“You want it so badly. Why should I give it to you? You don’t deserve it.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Backed into a corner, you’re left with two options – give him what he wants, or edge yourself a second time in one night just to keep your pride, which, doesn’t really feel like is still intact when he’s not just using your own trick against you, but also, he just seems far too smug. If you say no now and walk out just like you did with his bandmate, after going with him all the way home and into his bed, you know it’ll reflect more on you than on him, and he knows that.
"You wouldn’t have brought me back here if you didn’t want it badly enough too, smartass, so try again.” It’s a last-ditch attempt at saving face, but it has truth to it – not that you think he will cave in so easily.
As it turns out, you are right.
“You’re a brat,” he deadpans, crossing his arms and giving you a smirk that only tells you that he thinks he’s won. The odds of him thinking correctly are not exactly skewed in your favour. “You want to be put in your place more than I want to do it for you.”
“You know what? Your five minutes are over.”
It’s the only trump card you have, so you turn around and kick your bottoms off completely, climbing into his lap and grinding down on him, feeling just how hard he’s gotten from all the night’s teasing. It’s harder to get the upper hand on him when your hands are tied behind your back, but while you try to slip free of them, he simply laughs at you, grabs your wrist and pulls you off him with such ease it’s humiliating.
“You’re so cute.”
Cute? You’ve never been more enraged at praise before, feeling a red hot rush of anger and god knows what else all at once. Any other day and you’d be teasing him right back, but anything you could possibly say back to that dies on your tongue. The dawning fear that you may have finally bitten off more than you can chew sinks in like a pit in your stomach, directly betrayed by the heat it sends down south at the thought of sweet, pathetic Chan, having his way with you. At the thought of what he’d do to you if you finally caved.
But you don’t need to. You have six other bandmates at home who know your body inside and out, who can probably please you far better than him – if you wanted someone to overpower you and break you, you could always go to Mingi. If you wanted a power struggle and a brat to tame, you could go to Wooyoung. If you wanted a power struggle to lose, you could always go to San or Sunwoo. If you wanted someone who could match your every move and go all night, you could go to Er–
Or... maybe not. Not tonight.
“I’m not cute,” is all you manage to say back, albeit rather weakly, and Chan just coos and ruffles your hair. Perhaps messing with the nice ones wasn’t your smartest move, as each act of affection he shows you seems even more potently menacing and deliberate than the last.
“Cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”
You were so fucking wrong about him.
“Fuck you.”
“Say please?”
You want to kick and scream. He’s positively fucking infuriating, and you want – no, you need him to shut up and get you off before you spontaneously catch fire, but that’s exactly where he wants you and you hate it. But the thought of release, here and now without waiting to get home and deal with Eric’s pissy mood or having to handle it with only the help of your trusty vibrator, is looking more and more appealing with each passing second you spend glaring at his sickeningly pointed smirk.
“I’m going to kill you for this.”
With only the cruellest of gentleness, he brushes stray strands of hair out of your face, gracing you with only that touch and nothing else, his smirk growing into a wide, saccharine smile.
“You can try.”
Your own words, effectively chewed up and spat right back in your face. Fuck.
Humiliating is the only way you can describe it, deeply and thoroughly humiliating, searing at your skin and all your senses, and yet, you still want him. Wooyoung’s humiliation kink suddenly seems to click in that moment, the way that white-hot shame is only making you even more flustered and worked up, but it’s more how frustratingly in-control Chan looks, kneeling in front of you and observing you like this. It’s a good look on him – too good of a look, you think, wanting to wipe it right off his face, but you don’t know how, so you do the only thing you have left.
“...please.”
“What was that?” He leans in closer, smug as can be, cupping a hand around his ear as if he really couldn’t hear you in the complete silence of his room. Bastard.
“I’m not saying it again,” you spit in one last act of defiance, legs wobbling like jelly with the sheer embarrassment of it all. You’ve been provoking him this whole time, and now he gets to tease you? You’re taking this shame with you to the goddamn grave. “Either fuck me like you’ve been wanting to do this whole time, or don’t. I don’t care.”
It’s a lie and you both know it, because if he doesn’t you know you’ll be so pent up that not even your vibrator could save you, but it’s easier to say that than to let him get any smugger than he already is. If your big mouth just sealed your fate, so be it, because there is no going back now.
“I think we both know,” he begins slowly, “that you do care. But it’s okay, I’m not as blatantly mean as you are.”
Mercy? Is he really showing you an act of mercy after so determinedly trying to make you crack? It doesn’t make sense – well, not until you consider that he has been edging himself just as long as he’s been edging you, so you suppose he’s taking the most subtle way he can of caving in. That’s enough for you, you think. You’ll take it.
He pushes you back onto your back, arms somewhat uncomfortably stuck beneath you, but you hardly have it in you to care when he finally touches you, running his hands along your thighs and spreading them open with the firm instruction for you to keep them there. For once, you don’t actually feel like disobeying.
He gets up, taking his time to walk around to his bedside table, and rummage through the drawers. After his expertise in repurposing his belt, you don’t know what to expect him to pull out from there, and based on the way he strokes his chin and stares periodically as he shuffles around, you get the idea he’s not sure yet either. That, or he’s deliberately making you wait, which is probably just as likely.
“Are you more of an external or internal stimulation kinda guy?” he asks thoughtfully, tilting his head at his drawer, and your eyes widen at the question.
“Now why should I tell you that?”
“Uh, to come,” he scoffs back bluntly, “But that’s fine if you want to be stubborn still. Can’t go wrong with both.”
He pulls out a blue rabbit vibrator and some lube, which you’re not sure why he bothers with when you’re already soaking a wet spot onto his sheets, but when he pops the cap open and your nostrils are hit with the scent of vanilla, you have a decent guess.
“You don’t want to fuck me yourself?” You aren’t trying to taunt him this time, genuinely just surprised he’s doing all this without touching himself even once this whole time or even so much as taking off his clothes – you're starting to really believe him when he said he was a giver earlier.
He simply smiles at you, pushing the lubed-up dildo to your hole gently. “What did I say about you not deserving it?”
You shrug the best you can with your bound arms trapped between you and the mattress, at last relaxing to just enjoy the ride. If he wants to deny himself further, you’re not going to work yourself up into a fit over it – at this point, you just want to get off, so as far as you’re concerned, it’s his loss.
“Fine by me. Toys usually feel far better than anything your dick could do, anyway.”
He doesn’t seem to take the bait this time either, and truthfully, you don’t mind – not when it wasn’t even a lie, not really. When he switches it on, immediately turning it up three settings, your body jolts at the vibrations on your clit and inside you, mouth falling open in a silent cry.
“That’s better. Feel good?”
You nod wordlessly as he pushes it in and out of you, the combined sensations rendering you breathless for a long moment while you get used to the onslaught of pleasure enough to form words again. You’d be more embarrassed if you were not so wound up already, but it also helps that it’s just a toy rather than anything he could really brag about. You could probably use that against him later. At least, you hope so.
“Use your words when I talk to you, baby.”
He sounds like a siren, the way he makes that sound like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard, body shuddering and eyes rolling back as he turns the toy up one notch more.
“F-Fuck- it feels good! So good,” you gasp, trying to catch your breath while it seems like it’s trying to sprint away from you. It’s so much all at once, and with all the teasing you already endured, you don’t think you will last very long.
He leans over you, swiftly but not hastily kissing down your neck, unbuttoning your shirt to continue kissing down your chest, stopping at the gnarly scar across the underside of your pectorals. You brace yourself for one of the many comments you’ve heard, grabbing your wits about you and sharpening your tongue in preparation, then he breaths out–
“Pretty.”
Pretty? Your words get caught in your throat, his lips coming down to leave feather-light kisses on the scar from one end to the other, and each tiny point of contact feels like electricity crackling through you. Pretty. He just saw the dark, wide scar that speaks loudly of the battles you’ve won, your pride and your pain and your story all in one, and he kisses it and calls it pretty. Like it isn’t horrifying, or grizzly, or even badass or cool, but pretty, as if it’s something delicate, something to be revered.
When he’s supposed to be mad at you.
Each drive of the toy into you accompanied with the gentle worship of his lips has your back arching off the bed, tears springing to the corners of your eyes as he picks up the pace and the high you’ve been craving all night crawls up on you with overwhelming quickness, so close you can taste it on your tongue.
“Oh fuck, I-I’m close–”
Then he stops.
Any cry of protest you were going to make dies on your lips, and instead, the tears of overwhelm that built up in your eyes finally spill over and down your cheeks, your hips instinctively twitching to try and get any sort of feeling once he pulls the toy away from you completely, still buzzing.
“You- You said-”
“I said I’m not as blatantly mean as you are,” he coos, stroking your hair again, his smile down at you with nothing but trouble written all over it. You swallow thickly. “I can be subtler about it, and much, much meaner.”
“You haven’t even seen how mean I can get yet, hotshot,” you jeer, but you’re sure it doesn’t hold much weight with tears on your face and the edge of whininess to your voice.
He doesn’t seem very intimidated, nor does he even grace that with a response, simply pressing the tip of the toy directly at your sensitive clit, but only for a moment before pulling back again, giggling cutely at how your hips keen up for more.
“Fuck you!”
He repeats the teasing motion again, his harmonic giggles filling your ears, and you don’t remember the last time you’ve been this riled up before, that with each touch of the buzzing toy you almost, almost tip over the edge, but you know you don’t want to. You know that if you do, it’ll stop, and you’ll be riding out your orgasm on nothing but air.
Please. You know that’s what he wants to hear. You know that’s all you need to say. And yet, there’s a part of you that still doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction, even though you’re sure he’s already had plenty just stringing you along this far and getting you to say it once, but your pride is too stubborn to say it like you mean it.
“Maybe Eric was right, I might need to get him to make me come after all since you can’t seem to- ah!”
He takes your bait this time, but not in the way you wanted to, pressing the toy hard against your over-sensitive nerve endings, just long enough to watch your body writhe and squirm and try to choke back a cry before he pulls back, but it’s too late. He brought you over the edge and let you fall, whining and shoving your hips up into nothing as your ruined orgasm pulses through you.
“Can’t make you come, huh?”
You haven’t caved in yet. Not fully. You don’t have to, you think, you can endure it and get him to go again and if you concentrate really hard, you can come without him realising, surely–
“What’s your colour?”
You blink quickly, still reeling, then process his question. You didn’t go this far just to call it quits now, not when you haven’t even touched him yet, not when you haven’t even got the chance to see his resolve crumble. You need it, you need to break him, whatever it takes.
“Green.”
“Good boy,” he chuckles darkly, petting your hair again, and now you register it as what it is – a warning. “Because I’m not done with you yet.”
How many times has it been?
You can’t count. You’re not sure if you can even tell up from down. The world is spinning, you’re just caught in its orbit, and just as you try to tense your body to not shake when your high creeps up on you again, it shakes anyway, and Chan pulls back once more.
“You’re so fucking mean!” you scream, thrashing your legs about, but like every other time so far, he just laughs at you, then licks along the shaft of the toy, tasting your essence for himself.
“I can do this all night, you know. The rachas might be back soon, though, and this rabbit only has so much charge, sooo... well, I can’t force you to do anything, no?”
But he can, and you’re both aware of it, that’s precisely what you wanted to see him do, precisely the reason why you clarified the extents of your safe word system, but he’s doing it on purpose. He doesn’t want to take what he wants from you, because that’s exactly what you want him to do. He, just like Felix did, wants to see you beg, and unlike the former, he might just get it.
Please.
You’re at your wits end. More tears trail down your cheeks, to which he softly brushes off with the pad of his thumb, then sucks clean. He’s sick, licking your tears, but he looks fucking godly, the kind of powerful that mortals will clamber over each other tooth and nail just to feel for a day. It defies every preconceived notion you had of the man, but damn if you haven’t always had a thing for a defiant streak and his is giving you a taste of what madness truly feels like.
Please.
“So, what’s it gonna be, tough guy?”
The condescending nickname only makes you want to act out even more, but you’re almost spent and he hasn’t even taken his pants off yet, and you cannot leave his bed without having made a dent in him whatsoever. You refuse.
And so, you beg.
“Please.”
“I can’t hear you–”
“Please!” You cry out, voice ragged from all the strain, “Please, Chan, just let me come already for fuck’s sake you’re such an asshole, just let me cum or I swear I’ll-”
“Um? You were off to a good start baby, but that doesn’t sound like using your manners anymore...”
That cruel, cruel, smile, will follow you into both your wet dreams and your nightmares. You’ve seen what lies behind that polite demeanour now, and were you any less headstrong, you’d decide not to test him again – but you can’t have suffered this for nothing. You can count your losses now, and come at him more prepared next time, because right now, you would do whatever he asks so long as he just. Lets. You. Come.
“Please! Please, please, please let me come! I’m already begging I don’t know what else you want from me, please, Chan!”
He sets the toy aside and you’re almost about to start whining and pleading again or even call yellow when he leans over to his bedside drawer again and this time, grabs a magic wand. Your eyes widen when he plugs it into the wall, realising that if this wand needs a three-prong outlet to power it, you might not feel your legs by the end of this.
“Good boys get rewarded,” he reminds you, undoing his fly and shoving his briefs down just far enough to get it out of the way, finally revealing himself to you in all his glory, hard and leaking for you no doubt from how long he’s been holding himself off for this. He still takes his time fishing a condom out of his pocket, and you just wish he’d hurry up.
“Forget that,” you huff, trying to nudge it away with your knee, “I get tested frequently and got the scoop already, just let me feel you, please.”
“How do you know I don’t have anything?” he teases, stilling his movements, and you groan at how your attempt to hurry him along just dragged it out even longer. “I mean, I don’t, but that’s not really the safest of habits–”
Were you not bound and begging him to fuck you, you’d have socked him in the face already. “Are you going to keep lecturing me or are you going to fuck me already?”
He laughs, tossing the condom aside and moving closer between your legs, collecting your wetness on his tip and hissing at the feeling – you have no doubt he’s beyond sensitive with how worked up he must be, depriving himself all night, and you just cannot wait to see him break loose.
“You’re cute when you’re desperate.”
He sheathes himself fully inside you all at once, filling you up just that much more than the toy did, and the groan that he lets out at you clenching around him is the most euphoric thing you’ve heard all night, even more so than the screams of the crowd at the contest. Loud was not the first word that came to mind when you imagined what Chan would be like as a dominant in bed – not that you’d imagined it prior, or, at least, not for too long, anyway – but it turns out he is full of surprises. He doesn’t hold back the breathy grunts that spill from his lips as he starts to move, and neither do you.
Your arms ache, wrists moist with the sweat trapped between the belt and your skin, but you don’t have it in you to speak up about it, as if he stops or slows down now you think you just might kill him for real. Just as you try to wriggle and slip your hands free to touch yourself, you are forcefully reminded of the toy he grabbed earlier – almost more fitting to call it a tool with the strength of the vibrations suddenly pulsing against you, so intensely it pulls out a moan so loud it borders on a scream.
“Fuck– Chan– too much–!” you gasp, tears welling up in your eyes, but when you blink them away and see Chan just give you a questioning tilt of his head, you know what you have to say to make him slow down.
The word never leaves your lips.
“Too much, huh?” he taunts, snapping his hips even faster and making your toes curl. There’s a gravelly tone to his voice now, no doubt him finally losing his composure now that he is finally having you himself. “Weren’t you begging for this just a moment ago? Don’t you– hah– Don’t you want to come? Fuck, you’re clenching around me so tight like this, baby...”
He’s gone already, you realise, though not like you’re one to talk – you wonder if this is part of why he waited so damn long, but by now you’re not that far behind him, barely hanging on. It’s only when you realise that you are still trying to hold on when he’s already given you permission to come do you finally let go, calling out his name as possibly the most intense orgasm you have ever experienced wracks your body in waves.
“That’s it baby, just like that, fuck, come for me, come.”
You don’t remember the last time you cried this much in bed, but it’s so overwhelming that the tears just keep on falling and your body keeps on writhing, almost trying to pull away, but your wrists are still tightly bound, and Chan does not let up, even for a moment. His groans grow louder, his face beautifully scrunched up in ecstasy, and his grip on your hip tightens with each thrust.
The vibrations on your clit don’t let up either, Chan still holding the wand firmly in place, but you can’t string together a sentence to stop him. You don’t know if you want him to, all you know is that it hurts, but it’s hard to tell where pain ends and pleasure begins, just stars spinning behind your eyelids.
“Ch-Chan,” you whine, physically reeling, “T-Too much...!”
Yellow. It sits on your tongue, simmering, the same way you can almost feel heatwaves emanating from both you and Chan’s bodies, trembling like a leaf, but it doesn’t reach a boiling point, just an inch too shy. You can take it. You can take more. You want it. You need it.
“If it were anyone else,” Chan rasps, leaning down and propping up his free arm next to your head so his face hovers closely over yours, “Anyone else and I’d feel really bad about this.”
Chan proves to be one of the most confusing men you have ever met, because him saying that fills you with equal parts dread, excitement, and the most twisted sense of pride at being the only one to be able to draw out this side of him. To have that much of an effect over him. Either you tell yourself that to cope, or maybe you didn’t completely lose this test of will after all.
All the sweat manages to be enough for you to finally slip your hands free from belt one at a time, grabbing at his broad shoulders to brace yourself–
And then he sets the wand to max.
Your nails meet toned muscle as you dig into his back hard enough to feel the skin breaking, clawing all the way down his back for dear life. Part of you is glad the tool itself is so blaringly loud, because while it doesn’t actually drown you out at all, it at least gives you something else to hear other than your own voice when you make a sound almost foreign to your own ears. You can barely focus on how enticing Chan sounds now, gasping and groaning and hissing at how you feel and releasing inside you, trying to concentrate on the image of him the closest you’ve seen to ruined through the tears that keep welling up in your eyes.
When it finally stops, you feel like you’re falling back down through the atmosphere, picking up speed as you plummet back down to earth, but your landing is cushioned by Chan’s gentle hands and gentle voice, cooing at you softly and scooping you into his arms. He strokes your hair rhythmically, and this time, it’s not a warning – you haven’t processed a single word he has said to you, but you can feel it enough that it’s not a warning.
You feel like you might just break.
“Yellow,” you mumble out loud, at least, but Chan just tuts and cups your face.
“It’s done now, you’re done, it’s okay,” he whispers, kissing your nose, then your forehead, then tucking your head under his chin and just holding you there. Why? “You don’t have to take anymore, okay? You did good, baby. You did good.”
You did good.
You don’t know why hearing that from him makes you dizzy, but you cling to him right back, trying to get a grip on your breathing by syncing it up with the soothing strokes of his palm down your back. It’s such a stark contrast to the man who was just admitting to not feeling bad about pushing you so close to your limit, so different to the Chan who told you that he doesn’t feel like he has to be a giver with you. The Chan that holds you takes nothing and doesn’t let go until you loosen your grip on him first, from damn near falling asleep.
How long you spent there just stuck to him like glue is beyond you, but it feels like hours. He asks before pulling away, if you’re okay, then tells you he’s going to clean you up and returns with wet wipes and a towel to wipe you off. You drowsily let him wipe you down until you hear the front door opening in the distance and flinch, but Chan just hushes you and smooths his hands over your sides until you calm down.
“Don’t worry about them,” he reassures you, “they’ll be going straight to bed, and they sleep like the dead. You’re fine with me.”
You’re not present enough to process how that makes you feel, or to say anything back. Sleep calls, louder this time, and you answer in kind.
a/n: annnd thats a wrap for this eventful night! if you all are enjoying, it'd mean the world to me if you let me know by answering some questions on this (completely anonymous!) google form so i can work on making the series more enjoyable :) but also feel free to go crazy in the tags/reblogs/comments or even hit up my ask box, i'd love to hear any reactions or opinions or even questions you might have about the series. i appreciate u all endlessly regardless 💘 thank u for reading my pride n joy~
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okay I know posts abt this are prolly getting annoying but honestly I've just had so much on my mind since this entire thing went down and just. A small part of me wants to be able to double back, to say maybe all I've said abt littlemisstfp was just exaggerating internet drama over bad media takes and me getting too angry someone has a shitty opinion on the internet but no its not just that! Its this person doubling down even though everyone began to talk to me and to them about how uncomfortable they made minorities in this fandom feel! About how they were willing to throw so much of a community they CLAIMED to cared about under the bus and labels us freaks who are creeps and say we were defending porn of a minor. [nobody even brought up porn, only sfw shipping]
Littlemisstfp does so much more than just, have bad takes on the internet they double down on them double down on their bigotry and as much as I want to say them constantly reblogging stuff that is actually in the name of minorities counts for something does it??? Bc right after making a post abt how autism speaks hurts neurodivergent people they turn a blind eye to how they themselves hurt that community after reblogging an UwU 'love urself!' post they called a [back then] 16-15 year old me under the bus, publishing a public post that in no way had to be public where they called me a creep and accused me of liking l*lis and got their adult friends in on it too. And btw they dont even follow their own damn rules bc its been noted multiple times they interact with people who frequantly post content of Bee [someone they CLAIM to view as a minor] shipped with adult bots. But they'll still make posts that incite others to harass people over that same discourse even tho Bee being a minor has been disproven thousands of times by now and after all of that is over they'll say the only reason they got backlash was 'I dont like X popular ship' WHICH WASN'T EVEN MENTIONED IN THE POST THAT STARTED THAT INCIDENT EXCEPT BY THEM.
Honestly does it count for anything they even pretend to care about minorities? That they seem to reblog posts about IRL issues that they seem to choose to not think critically about? Does it? I dont know anymore. But all I know is I've bottled up these feelings for too long, littlemisstfp is a piece of shit. I honestly cannot believe anyone takes them seriously and truly they might be the exact definition of someone who uses irl issues and real problems that affect a lot of people and performatively pretends to care abt them only when it benefits their self image and when they feel they can get away with showing their true colors while the people they claim to protect and stand by suffer.
Im really tired.
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oh! hi~ been a while~
i’m sorry that i said i was doing a short hiatus and then........never came back. at least, to tumblr/the sims community. i still been on twitter and instagram and twitch and stuff!
it’s funny because occasionally i would get emails about asks, emails about new followers etc and i’m like huh i really should either do something with my blog or deactivate it. but! i sometimes come back and read all the sweet old messages, read my embarrassing old gameplays and remember the fun i had just learning how to express myself online and come out of my shell.
i mean as embarrassing as i think of myself from only a few years ago, i really was an am super grateful for all the people i met and positive experiences I had! without one day deciding to run a sims blog and make gameplays and make edits and talk to people and interact i wouldn’t have: - met some of my first real internet friends - found my best friends in the world (all international too) - found my current partner (of 2 years now~!) - started to feel more confidence and less anxiety sharing myself and my art online - been able to start my online store for my art
cuz I was really in a pivotal place in my life when i started my blog! I’m sure this sounds cringe bc like...its a sims blog lol BUT I was a fresh uni graduate, i was in a relationship that i had been in most of my adult life and it was about to end, i had 2 irl friends and that was the length of my social circle. it’s so weird to see how far I’ve come and how far away all of that stuff was (and i only stopped posting here in feb2019 that’s only 1 pandemic worth of time plus a sprinkle).
anyway, last night i was like i should just wipe the blog. but then i read it... for a couple hours. and I dont have the heart to wipe it! i do actually still play the sims in my off time, which is really super rare nowadays (i work a day job and run my store) and i thought about dumping random screens from when i play just somewhere that isn’t gonna annoy everyone in my discord server lol. i’ll prob tidy stuff up here, prob change the url (used to be geekism, then simbytes. my main @ everywhere is minabytes, so for simplicity’s sake) ummm yeah~! this post is mostly for me, i’ll read it again in another 3 years and see how much further i am!
thanks for hanging around, if you read this! sorry to anyone who missed my stuff, and if you dont wanna hang around for once in a blue moon screenshots then it’s no biggie! but thanks for being there then and being here now 💗
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yet another ask dump yeehaw!
do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?
sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.
Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.
barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'
john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'
tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.
on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,
Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen
thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)
I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.
bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien
AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls
uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background
Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla
wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?
young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman
tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'
Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)
uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.
in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)
yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.
Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )
as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.
Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan
listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude
Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?
everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.
why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people
what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨
Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes
well that's a you problem isn't it?
do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?
he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.
holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!
i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird
Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.
Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.
uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho
your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.
actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)
This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )
because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.
Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing
well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.
The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2
oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.
I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)
okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.
The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that
also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson
Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks
because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)
About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.
i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.
Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)
i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck
Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)
fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)
How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot
i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)
So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)
aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!
The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌
i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids
as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️
thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)
In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"
this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"
honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?
gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.
why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family
bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)
Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy
why would say something so controversial yet so brave.
my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context
dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position
tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000
dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'
dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it
I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok
i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.
Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk
bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism
you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy
like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.
ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE
thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.
in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman
absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.
need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes
yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days
oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit
okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)
I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free
cw is jared, 19
do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it
uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club
Wait how many languages do you speak??
uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.
You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty
okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.
#i love all of you guys so much thanks for all these asks#some of these are literally from march but fuck it#the day tumblr puts dates next to anon messages is the day i close my inbox crawl into a hole and die#it's such a basic task to answer asks but i don't want to bother anyone with asks clogging up their timeline#and if i don't have a funny or good answer i'm like 'uhh okay won't answer it now then'#so this is for you#also i deleted a few asks because it gives me mental pain to see my inbox go over 50 and it's almost at 100#i was complaining about having too many asks to the-real-peter-parker like months ago and then i had 45 asks in my inbox#now it's amassed to going over 100 twice#but no i love all of you and you're great and you're all fantastic and i lvoe you#muchos kiss kiss#kiss kiss for my kiddies lvoe you#invincible spoilers#dc#dcu#dc comics#ask#anon#bataranswers#i really wanna try aguapanela now i'm gonna see if i can find panela somewhere and review it for you babes#uh yeah that's it#muchos gracias for all your questions babes
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a very very genuine question: so its bad to repost art but no one says anything when people repost things from the source material/creator's sketches.....why?like sure everyone who likes it may recognize the style but there are plenty of fan artists i recognize immediately, new or old art, with or without. to me it just feels the same, like either dont repost art or people should be able to repost stuff, i dont see how they can work at the same time. and this isnt me saying people should be allowed to repost and all that bc i do understand the theory of why reposting hurts artists, just that the logic doesnt seem to fit once it extends to famous artists/creators. just bc its official and easily recognizable makes it okay? how does that work? again, there are plenty of fanartists who are easily recognizable and lose no money when people repost their work (bc they posted it for free) and from my own observation, it seems it just, somehow, makes them want to do art less (from what i have read from artists themselves). why do we not consider that when it comes to official creators? wouldnt they also feasibly be less motivated seeing their hard work plastered across the internet for free when thats the sole way they make their income? and its not a system where its solely sticking it to the man bc it hurts the artists income, as well. but if it makes them happy to see people enjoying and sharing their work with others, drawing interest, why isnt it the same with fan artists? people often repost art, not out of malice or intent to claim credit, but bc they enjoy it + want to share it, esp on social media where sharing isnt a feature (instagram, for example) again im not trying to justify reposting, just confused about the contradiction
First of all instagram does have a form of sharing posts- stories. Which yes they are temporary by default, but you can use the highlight feature to collect your favorite things you’ve shared from people right there on your own profile AND it links back to the original post and can permanently be on your profile as long as you keep it there. You can even label them and everything! But then moving on to answering more of your actual questions
To start: this is a very complicated thing. And I feel everyone trying to answer it might have slightly varied opinions.
I personally see a pretty clear distinction between ‘Officially published/released’ works (like comic book [as like you’ve probably seen I frequently post comic panels] or other materials that may have been released in creator guides, official video game art, promotional art for things, etc etc) as opposed to like, personal work and fanart. Because with official works:
There’s usually a source to buy it and you should if you’re referencing it a ton (while I don’t own every comic I’ve ever read I do have a lot and if I did read something first through illegal means [because some comics are just straight up hard to find due to age/being out of print] and enjoyed it I try to seek out a physical copy after if possible)
There is a level of far wider recognition (I know you personally might find fanartists’ styles recognizable but like, things that are in mainstream media.. have just such a higher profile. it’s not really comparable)
If you’re not supporting the official release you’re harming the big company that published it far more than the individual artist (like, the individual artist probably also wouldn’t appreciate it, because it can effect them for sure as well, but they’re not gonna be taking the brunt of the damage unless it was entirely self-published work, which I’d definitely categorize differently from what I’m mainly talking about here.)
Often fanartists/professional artists who aren’t that well known, in addition to wanting to just create work for the sake of it, also want to build their own platform, to have an audience that they interact with. Or like, if they’re offering commissions, a bigger platform puts you in a position where people will actually see the art and want to commission you. When you say reposts of smaller artists’ fanart doesn’t ‘loose them money’ because they didn’t charge to post it, you’re missing the fact that it makes them loose out on proper linked-back-to-them exposure. Especially like, when a repost account on insta or something says ‘ah yes credit to [username] on tumblr’ the vast majority of people who see it aren’t going to then open up a whole different website and look for the artist. Some people might! but if there’s anything i’ve learned from working professionally in arts marketing it’s that people want things that are convenient and directly in front of them. Someone who wants to see more works because they liked one is significantly more likely to click on the username of someone who posted it rather than opening up a browser or a different app and searching a separate name put in the caption.
Then honestly, I do feel weird about reposts of professional artists’ more personal works unless the artist has stated they’re fine with people reposting with credit. It should be about the comfort level of the artist. I think a lot of professional artists who aren’t in a position where they’re as worried about building a platform, because they already have one and might have professional connections/opportunities already lined up, might not really care about reposts especially on a website they don’t use. (Like tumblr. I’m coming at this mostly from a comics artist perspective here, but most professional artists I see are waaaay more active on twitter and instagram than tumblr) If it’s a website they don’t use, it’s not taking away from the platform they had been building there for themselves. And also, some artists really just don’t give a shit, which is their choice they can make with their work! But that’s not a universal thing. One artist being fine with their personal art being reposted =/= all artists being fine with it.
In my own experience as a fanartist, when I see my art reposted without credit, especially when it’s art I’ve also already posted on the same platform... it’s definitely disheartening. Even worse is when the repost gets even more attention than my original post. (something that has happened to me multiple times!) Like, it can get so upsetting! Because it lets me know that someone else was using my art to build their platform and I got exactly zero benefit out of it. Then when it’s reposted with credit it’s a little less annoying, but I still don’t... get much out of it. Especially if it’s an instagram repost and they credit my tumblr not my account on there, since insta captions don’t actually do links unless it’s to other insta accounts. Also with insta for example, I have a 'business’ account set up so I can look at and track popularity of my posts and see how they’re doing as something to keep in mind when considering posting times, etc etc. When other people repost my art there I have no control over it. That sucks a lot! Also, when I quite literally ask people not to repost my art (it is IN! MY! DESCRIPTION!) and they still do, it’s just straight up disrespectful. I asked for a boundary to be respected with my work and people have just completely ignored it. That doesn’t feel good at all.
But, conversely, I’m gonna talk about my more professional irl work for a sec. I’m a graphic designer, so I do things like posters, logos, etc, When I design a poster for a client that is meant to be advertising something, even if it’s got my own original illustration or something as part of it, I know my name isn’t necessarily going to be attached to it the same way as it is with my personal work. I get a credit line somewhere, but that’s in a fine print probably not even on the poster itself at all, but that’s like, part of what I signed up for. I already get paid separately, I am giving permission for my work to be out of my own hands in that way. Professional work for a client is often setup in some way similar to this. I don’t get mad when I walk down the street and see a poster I made up somewhere without it directly ‘linking’/referencing back to me (aside from maybe my signature if it had an illustration), in fact I go ‘OMG ITS THERE ugh wait i see one pixel is off oh noooooo” and then move on with my day. It’s just an entirely different situation because that kind of work has a different arrangement from the start, where you know it’s going to be put in a different type of circulation.
So yeah, my word isn’t god here, but I definitely see official releases as having a different set of permissions based on the fact that they are published in an entirely different situation. And I think reposts of personal art aren’t cool if the artist isn’t okay with them, no matter how big a platform they have. Other people probably approach this with a slightly different perspective, but that’s mine!
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