#( it's like a lost dog finally finding their way home only to discover it's not the same ;__; )

[daybreakrising]

@mercyburned: pour me one, would you? / Kaeya to Thoma

He had known coming back to Mondstadt would be an emotional experience. Even just walking through the gates again for the first time in years had evoked such feeling from him that he'd had to stop and catch his breath, no doubt earning him a curious glance from the Knights stationed there.

The wave of nostalgia that struck him as his gaze took in the familiar buildings, the familiar noise and bustle that filled the air, had summoned a bittersweet ache within his chest. With a mind filled with memories - how he had chased his friends through these streets, the meals shared at Good Hunter, scaling the windmills to sit and gaze out across the landscape - he found himself wandering past old haunts, wondering if the remains of the past still lingered. Somewhere, he recalls, there is a wooden beam in which four initials are crudely engraved: four friends with big dreams who had no idea about the future that lay ahead of them.

Perhaps it was the thought of old friends that guided his steps to the Angel's Share. Here, yet more nostalgia swarmed his memory: attempts to sneak into the back rooms, a fiendish redhead leading the charge, his blue-haired brother not far behind. It was with some trepidation that he entered the tavern, not sure of what he might find within, but if he had expected a long-awaited reunion, he was to be disappointed. It was an unfamiliar face behind the bar - no sign of any Ragnvindr.

There were other reunions to be had, and some liquid courage required to aid the task. So it is here that he finds himself seated at an outdoor table, indulging in a taste of home - a bottle of Dawn Winery's finest. And it is here, in the midst of his thoughts, that one such reunion finds him first.

Though it has aged since last he heard it, he knows that voice. His gaze lifts as a shadow falls across the table, and he sucks in a sharp breath as he takes in the man that now stands before him. Kaeya.

His first thought is that Kaeya hasn't changed - but of course, he has. Thoma still has a clear image of the boy he was when he left for Inazuma, and whilst the echo of that boy remains in his visage, there is an air about the man he has become that is unfamiliar. He cannot know what has happened since his departure - what letters he tried to send home received no reply - but he knows that something has. Why else would his old friend feel so different?

"Kaeya!" He springs to his feet, nearly unbalancing the table and the bottle sitting atop it with his enthusiasm. "Looks like you found me before I could find you, hah." He greets him with a warm smile, eyes shining with delight at seeing his old friend again.

He falters slightly - he has been gone so long. He isn't sure how much things might have changed, if Kaeya will even be pleased to see him. That he approached first means nothing.

"I... I tried to write, when I got to Inazuma. I don't know if the letters made it... that sea is fairly unforgiving, as it turns out." A hand lifts, rubs awkwardly at the back of his head. "There was a slight mishap on my way there. Honestly, it's a miracle I survived at all."

A pause.

"It's good to see you. I missed you. I missed everyone." The words don't convey the sometimes crippling homesickness he has felt since leaving. Inazuma may have become a home to him since, but he has missed so much about Mondstadt and the people he left behind. "How... how is everyone? How are you? I've got so many questions-,"

[burntblueberrywaffles]

the desperate anidala bitches shall rejoice, because i come offering a second rec list 😌 /lh

My Anidala/Vaderdala rec list! (part 2)

You can find the first rec list here!

sorry I took so long this got buried way down in my drafts but it's finally out 🫡

some of these are not complete so do check chapter count and pls dont yell at me asdfhgkjfh

Modern AUs

The Bet

Anakin's had a crush on Padmé since fourth grade, and after putting up with his pining for seven years, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are finally stepping in and making a bet that he can't ask her to junior prom in the spring. Meanwhile, Padmé is realizing that Anakin isn't as annoying as she'd always thought. In fact, her feelings towards him are starting to go in quite the opposite direction...

Snow Place Like Home

For genre-typical convoluted reasons involving ill-timed blizzards, Padmé is forced to spend the holidays at Anakin's house. Anakin isn't as upset about his boss staying with him for Christmas as he probably should be.

Second Chances

When Luke Amidala and Leia Skywalker meet at summer camp, they're shocked to discover that they're long-lost twins. The logical next step? Getting their estranged parents back together.

I usually avoid Parent traps AU just because I dislike it as a setup, but when it comes to Anidala a bitch is desperate, and this was a cute and fun one, I really enjoyed it!

Lemon

“What other secret fantasies do I have that are glaring neon signs for you?” Anakin asks. “You’re conflicted,” Padmé says, “because on one hand you want to be a very good boy for me, but on the other you want to misbehave so I have a reason to punish you.” He blows out a plume of smoke and taps the ash off his cigarette. “You know, I really thought you were a nerd. I thought I'd have to be like, ‘Hey, how about you tie me up sometime.' Get you into this stuff little by little. But no, you’re diving right in like we met on a BDSM subreddit or something.” Or: Padmé has car problems. Thankfully she knows a good mechanic.

normally, I probably never would have checked out this fic, (mommy kink is just not my thing) but as previously stated, A BITCH WAS DESPERATE and you know what it actually slapped 😌

Rebound

Padmé Naberrie has just been broken up with. She wasn't prepared for a night out with her girls to find her a rebound. She certainly wasn't prepared for Anakin Skywalker.

Sith-Raised Anakin

the inevitable end of dancing with the devil

"Maybe it was too crass to compare the devil to such a creature—Lord Vader wasn’t the devil, he was worse." Senator Amidala was undoubtedly one of the most respected and adored public servants to walk the galaxy. Lord Vader was not. Vaderdala AU. Arranged Marriage AU

A Worthy Sacrifice

Chancellor Palpatine has dropped the act and decided to rule the galaxy openly as Darth Sidious. His reign wouldn’t be half as successful without his unhinged attack dog Darth Vader, a much rumoured warbringer who appears in black robes with a saber red as blood and brings even the strongest revolutionaries to their knees. Padmé is not only fighting for her home country but the freedom of the known regions and she is desperate to turn the tides of this war which is why she agrees to the deal Sidious offers her: A child with this favourite Sith Lord in exchange for her home: Naboo.

This is one of my favourite fics with this trope!

Pearl in My Head

Padmé's just starting her career as a Senator when she attracts some unwanted attention from the Emperor, who has decided on a very different role for her in the Empire. [empire already exists, arranged marriage/forced proximity au! loosely follows some aotc/rots events]

What Was I Made For?

Darth Vader was not a man made for love, but this was not love. Or, Basically, Padme and Vader are friends with benefits, but she's so nice to him that it makes him question his entire existence.

FOR YOUR LOVE (i’ll do whatever you want)

𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰? 𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲, 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐰? 𝐢'𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐡, 𝐢’𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐢’𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 He gave her that devilish smirk of his. The one that had gotten her into this mess in the first place. “I’ll give you what you want.” OR, A rare moment of intimacy happens for Padmé and Anakin – whose relationship is strictly carnal.

I have yet to read the second chapter (will get on that when I get out of the snowbaird hole lol) but I really enjoyed the first one!

Vaderdala

love me, love me (like you used to do) 

In which Vader fails to capture his son, but gains a daughter, his wife, another pair of twins... and the past.

this fic was SO GOOD holy shit literally made me feral when i fiorst read it

Love Like Ghosts

There are very few people who know the location of the Rebel Alliance’s base on Naboo. Even fewer who know the names of any of the people who work there. So when Padmé gets up on a cold morning, the windows frosted and harsh wind rattling the doors of the large house that’s been the headquarters of the Alliance for nearly two decades, to see a package with her name on it sitting on the doorstep, her heart stops in her chest.

loved this fic but as a heads up it doesn't provide "they get back together" closure so be ready for that

news of old by @ineedausernamel829

Padme is a member of the rebel alliance. During a mission, her past relationships with darth Vader comes to light

No vaderdala interactions, but exploration of the relationship through Padme talking about it - It’s so so good

Sad Vaderdala hours

Imperial Socialite

In a timeline where Darth Vader doesn't face immolation and Padmé Amidala lives, their marriage continues in a form that is at once far more honest and deeply dysfunctional. Though Padmé tries to remain within the Imperial Senate, the trauma of her husband's betrayal--and the apparent deaths of her children--force her into early retirement. Too much of a liability to aid the emerging Rebel cause directly, Padmé seeks out new avenues of defying the Empire: by leveraging her connection to Vader to mess with the Imperial Elites of Coruscant.

it could be sweet

an interconnected collection of stories based on the idea of what would have happened if Padmé had lived. (aka me finally writing down my self-indulgent vaderdala daydreams aka me living my best life)

This series is so good in a "rip my heart out of my chest and steps on it" way

all joy sucked dry

Her husband had fallen, her life’s work had crumbled, and her own babies were strangers to her. But she didn’t even care, and that was the worst part. Or: Padme deals with postpartum depression, and Vader is ill-equipped to help her

Others

Across the Seas

Padmé Amidala - the daughter of the royal governor of Jamaica - never expected her life to be much more than it already was. Her routine is to dress in her finest clothes, put on a pretty face, and ensure she is presentable to not only the people but to the many men attempting to court her. However, Padmé's world is flipped around when pirates attack, and the young woman finds herself in the company of their fearsome, brash, (dashing) Captain. Initially sickened by the roughish man, Padmé will quickly learn there is so much more to the mysterious Captain Skywalker. A pirate's life for me

The pirate AU I didn’t know I needed. So good

Right & Wrong

After they watch a holoshow that portrays reprehensible content, Anakin unwittingly reveals the concerning way Chancellor Palpatine acts towards him. Padmé will not let anyone harm her husband — and she’ll make this Obi-Wan, the Jedi Council, and even the whole galaxy’s problem if she needs to.

when the grooming is actually adressed >>

cestrum nocturnum

Summer on Naboo, the Clone Wars have yet to begin, and Anakin is tasked with protecting Senator Amidala after an attempt is made on her life. It's too bad that every moment with her has him in agony, and every moment apart is even worse—especially after that night in the courtyard ... Or: Anakin spends a torturous time on Naboo in the company of the person he loves because he doesn't know how to tell her his true feelings.

Naboo smut 🤭

And that's it! if anyone has recommendations for a fic that isn't in either of my rec lists, please let me know! I am so so desperate I need my anidala fix

Since I was deep into the Star Wars hole and desperate, I’ve also been reading non-Anidala/non-Anidala centric fics about Darth Vader/Anakin/the Skywalker family, so I will be posting a rec list for that soon! (When i say soon it can mean anything from a day to months, my brain is not always great at tasks, if anyone wants to be notified when I do post it lmk and I’ll tag you ❤️)

[loveletterstoeverything]

on smelling the flowers

Walk One

My dog takes great pleasure in our evening walks. I have not always felt the same. Our walks, historically, go like this: she pulls on her leash, and I follow behind doom scrolling social media on my phone. The heat of the evening feels oppressive, the breeze hot and taunting. She is happy, and I think only of getting back inside to lay down in the AC. She insists on smelling every fallen fruit and darts after bugs with joy. I endure.

On one of our very first walks together, Daisy rolls on her back, feet in the air, happier than I have ever seen her. I pull out my phone to take a quick video of her joy, feeling it rise in my chest as well, until my nose catches up with the situation. My dog, finally out of the shy shelter dog phase, has rolled in feces. Any joy I felt is lost in the realization that I will now need to wash a three legged dog who hates bath time and that I might be late to work because of it. Daisy, despite being covered in shit, seems to be even happier. 

I envy my dog for her seemingly natural propensity for joy, especially in the face of hard times. I brought her home 10 days after she lost her hind leg to a car accident, her side still scraped and scarred from the pavement. And yet the first moment we met she came bouncing over, sat in my lap and licked my face. She was sniffing flowers with her entire cone in the bushes, tail wagging like nothing bad had ever happened to her. Could I ever do the same?

In church I grew up hearing that happiness was a feeling, but joy is a choice. To a 17-year-old with severe depression, this sounded like bullshit shared to shift the blame of our pain from God to ourselves. I spent my life with a clenched fist, nails digging into my palm, enduring what the church might claim was God’s plan for my life. Expressing unhappiness was met each time with a smile and a condemnation: happiness is a feeling, joy is a choice; your feelings don’t matter, do a better job at getting rid of them. Truthfully, I still believe that this mantra was shared with the purpose of absolving the Almighty of any hand in our affliction, though I have found meaning of my own in them since.

Walk Two

My favorite time to walk with my dog is right before the sun fully sets, when the heat has started to seep out of the concrete and dissipate into the air but it hasn’t quite become dark yet. We walk along the fence of our complex, where bushes of purple flowers bloom when it rains. My sweet dog, with her flopping ears and wagging tail, has always believed in smelling every single flower for as long as necessary. I, with my allegedly important life, believe in shorter, functional walks. I believed that feeling joy and that noticing the beauty of this world and this life was something I could only achieve through time and medication and luck. 

I want to be clear: medication is for many (and certainly for me) a prerequisite to study and participate in joy. But I thought medicine would be magic. I was disappointed to discover that it functions more as a life jacket than a cruise ship. I wanted joy to happen to me, and I was frustrated to find that all the mood stabilizers and anxiety meds in the world wouldn’t bestow immediate happiness upon me. 

But here was this dog sniffing flowers. 

Why could I make hours of time for things that made me miserable but not take these ten minutes to be present, outside, a spectator to my dog’s delight? Why was I so annoyed when our walks would take longer while she took the time to smell every fallen olive from the trees, as if each would be a brand new scent? Maybe they are to her. Maybe each sniff makes her heart feel lighter, more excited to go to the next, the way I read books when I was young and joy was easy. Maybe if I stood here with her, I could learn her secret to happiness. 

Walk Three

I think Daisy knew what all dogs innately know: to experience joy we must choose to participate in it. Every walk, she knows to smell everything in reach of her nose: pink and purple flowers, a grasshopper before it leaps away, even the occasional snake. I wish I could say it only took one or even a handful of walks for my perspective to change. But it took years of walks (and of therapy, and of finding the right balance of medication) before anything clicked. Walking a dog is consistent; it requires intentionality and participation. Joy is similar. 

We cannot choose the perfect set of conditions to experience joy any more than we can make flowers bloom, but we can choose to seek all those places where the conditions are right for it. And when they do bloom, soft orange petals bursting open to the light, dirt still soft from the rain, we can choose to give into it. When we are consistent in looking for where our heart finds joy, in noticing where that little pull in our chest whispers “pay attention”, we can choose to experience that joy fully. 

Daisy reframed joy and happiness for me. Happiness is a feeling, yes – one of the many across the spectrum I can experience and express fully and with no shame. And joy is a choice; even when I might be covered in shit from my roll on the grass, I can choose to feel joy that I am alive, joy that there is grass to roll in, joy to not have a cone around my neck any longer. Daisy would.

On our walks now, when Daisy smells a flower, I smell one too. The yellow ones make me sneeze, and the purple ones smell a little like feet to me, but each time I breathe in the flowers with my dog I find myself smiling and marveling at what it is to be alive. Daisy rolls in the dirt, and even though a part of me wishes to pull her back to avoid trying to de-mud a 3-legged dog who hates baths, I take off my shoes and jump in puddles with her. I laugh and her tail wags and I realize that this is the way we choose joy. 

[dailymichifer]

[Archive] fuckyeahlucifersupernatural's fics

fuckyeahlucifer (or carvedwhalebones) is a writer who disappeared from ao3 with their much beloved +89 SPN fics (a lot of Samifer fics and other Lucifer-ships fics) Many have been lost forever, but not all of them, thanks to the Internet Archive.

Here are all the SPN fics I could find:

[Michifer] The Way We Are 'Michael imagines that if he were to sink his teeth into the forbidden fruit, it’d taste just like his little brother.'

[Michifer] Spitting Blood "Sometimes the calm before the storm is all you can hold onto."

[Michifer] Little Brother Michael discovers his punishment within the Cage and he's ready to make it end.

[Michifer] Yuanfen E. They were the founding fathers of physical intimacy and so much more. (bondage, collars)

[Samifer, Nick/Sam] The Devil Wears White "Have you ever confused a dream with a life?" Sam Winchester's been sent to a mental institute, claiming there are demons and angels. In there he makes an unhealthy alliance with a patient, Nick, who wants to keep Sam all to himself.

[Samifer] Snow Sam would do anything to see Dean again. (Season 7, self mutilation)

[Samifer] One True Vessel The patients near the ward mumble and murmur in fear of the one who prowls through the ward. They whisper of a ‘Lucifer’ looking for his ‘one true vessel'... (Sam, Lucifer, Nick)

[Samifer] A Little Piece of Heaven The incident with Gadreel and Dean leaves him more than just broken. Sam moves out of the bunker in search of his little piece of heaven. (Post Gadree, Hurt/Comfort)

[Samifer] Thicker Than Blood M. Who is he to deny his king? (Sam 'boy king of Hell' Winchester)

[Samifer] The Last Truth M. 'He’s broken and Lucifer is still staring at him as if he’s a gift — something to be mounted on a pedestal.' (Sam, Lucifer, Hallucifer, Gadreel, Angst/Comfort, Major character death)

[Samifer] Blood & Creation E. "Lucifer is the only one treated as Sam’s equal, his release from The Cage signifying the reign of Hell and the Era of The Boy King."

[Samifer & Ducifer] Common Ground Despite the favorable odds, Lucifer doesn’t share his first kiss on Earth with Sam Winchester.

[Anna/Lucifer] Lady Lazarus M. The common ground between them is stained heavily in blood. (Serial Killers au)

[Gabriel/Lucifer] Ugly Kind of Love E. "I'll show you an 'ugly kind of love.'" And he did. (Tags; Hammer of the Gods, Major character death, noncon)

Enjoy!

Edit (2023-03-04) 6 more fics!

[Samifer] Speaking in Tongues Sam tries to speak Enochian to Lucifer.

[Samifer] Guardian Angel Guardian Angel (n): An angel believed to have special affection for a particular individual.

[Samifer] Dog Days (chapter 1) God comes to Lucifer with a deal: If Sam accepts Lucifer for who he is (warts and all), he will win his freedom and be with his one true vessel. The catch is that he won't be able to converse with Sam due to being changed into a runt of a puppy.

[Samifer] Home Lucifer helps Sam find a sense of home in his room.

[Samifer] Little Birds Ch1 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5 Ch6 Sam finds out that when angels are at their weakest, they become little birds.

[Anna Milton/Lucifer] What Devils Do Lucifer has been keeping an eye on Anna Milton for a while now, and it's only a matter of time until the tables turn and he's on top. Literally.

edit (2023-08-12) GREAT NEWS

As you may know, some madmad archived the entirety of AO3 a few years ago.

I downloaded their metadata file (index) and typing the pseudo "fuckyeahsupernatural" gave me 181 results. All 181 of their fics (SPN, Legion, Dishonored) have been saved and the epubs are in zip files that can be found here:

I converted the index into a pdf: you can use it to find the location of each fic in the zip files. LINK -> EDIT better link HERE (spn fics only)

EDIT2: use this file to access the fics directly & download them

[lgbtqmanga]

New Releases Nov. 15, 2022

Canis: Dear Mr. Rain (Second Edition) by ZAKK

Canis: Dear Mr. Rain features story and art by ZAKK in this new expanded and updated edition of the original CANIS.

Hat maker Satoru finds Ryou passed out on street and is then embroiled in an international crime drama.

Business is tough at men’s haberdashery Dante. A big sale is coming, and they are extremely understaffed. So after getting chewed out by his staff a broken Satoru heads home to find a stray napping in the rain.Ryou isn’t your standard American longhair, though. He is a mysterious nineteen-year-old with charisma, good looks and an air of someone with a past, despite their age. After a meal, a nap and a shower Ryou was ready to model for Satoru. But their contract was for just one day. And the reason why Ryou had to go was he had a meeting with the mafia.

Failed Princesses vol. 6 by Ajiichi

CONFESSIONS AND CONFUSION

Upon realizing what her feelings are for Kurokawa, Fujishiro confesses to her! Kurokawa, however, is taken aback. This isn’t the Fujishiro she knows and admires! What will happen when her own feelings well up—and explode?

FINAL VOLUME

Futari Escape vol. 1 by Shouichi Taguchi

A professional manga creator and her slacker girlfriend try to relieve the pressures of adulthood by finding joy in the little things in life–and each other!

Two young women—one an overworked manga artist, the other a jobless slacker—try to escape the realities of adulthood. Whether it’s by going into debt while splurging on an epic meal or taking an impromptu trip, “Kouhai” and “Senpai” find a way to make the most of their days! Kick back and relax with this adorable yuri comedy!

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun: Erha He Ta De Bai Mao Shizun vol. 1 (Novel) by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou

The wildly popular danmei/Boys’ Love novel series from China! Also known as 2ha (“Erha���), this highly requested historical fantasy epic about a tyrant’s second chance at life and the teacher he can’t get out of his mind will be released in English for the first time!

Cruel tyrant Taxian-jun killed his way to the throne and now reigns as the first ever emperor of the mortal realm. Yet somehow, he is unsatisfied. Left cold and bereft, abandoned by all he held dear, he takes his own life…only to be reborn anew.

Awakening in the body of his younger self—Mo Ran, a disciple of the cultivation sect Sisheng Peak—he discovers the chance to relive his life. This time, he vows to attain the gratification that once eluded him: all who defied him will fall, and never again will they treat him like a dog. His greatest fury is reserved for Chu Wanning, the coldly beautiful and aloofly catlike cultivation teacher who betrayed and thwarted Mo Ran time and again in their last life.

Yet as Mo Ran shamelessly pursues his own goals in this life he thought lost, he begins to wonder if there might be more to his teacher—and his own feelings—than he ever realized.

Yuri Is My Job! Manga vol. 10 by Miman

Sumika realizes that her friend was right about her crush on Kanoko. In order to keep things professional, Sumika distances herself from the first-year, but Kanoko doesn’t understand why Sumika’s suddenly grown so cold... As the customers in the salon begin to notice a change in their relationship, an alumna shows up, complicating things further.

[doggiedayoutnc]

🐾 The Heartwarming Bond Between a Rescue Dog and Its Owner 🐾

There's something truly magical about the bond between a rescue dog and its owner. 💖 These special relationships are built on trust, love, and a second chance at happiness. When you adopt a rescue dog, you're not just saving a life; you're gaining a loyal companion who will change your life forever. 🐕‍🦺 Let's dive into the beautiful journey of adopting a rescue dog and how it creates a unique and unbreakable bond! 🐶❤️

🌟 1. The Journey of Healing Together 🧡

Adopting a rescue dog often means welcoming a pet with a difficult past—whether it’s been abandoned, mistreated, or lost. 🥺 But with patience, love, and understanding, both the dog and its owner embark on a journey of healing together. 🕊️ For the dog, it means learning to trust again and finding a forever home. 🏡 For the owner, it means discovering the joy of giving a second chance and experiencing unconditional love. 💕

🌟 2. Building Trust Through Patience and Love 🐾🕰️

Rescue dogs might need time to adjust and feel safe in their new environment. But the process of building trust is incredibly rewarding. ❤️🐕 The little milestones, like the first time a dog feels safe enough to cuddle or confidently explores its new home, are moments of pure joy. 🌈 These moments of growth and trust help deepen the bond between dog and owner.

🌟 3. The Power of Companionship 👩‍🦰🐕

For many owners, rescue dogs become more than just pets—they become true companions and family members. 🐾💕 Whether it’s snuggling up during a tough day, going for long walks, or simply being there as a calming presence, the companionship of a rescue dog is unmatched. 🐕 Rescue dogs are known for their deep loyalty and understanding, often sensing when their owners need comfort the most. 🤗

🌟 4. Promoting Emotional and Mental Well-Being 🌿🧠

The emotional support provided by a rescue dog can be life-changing. 🐕‍🦺 For those dealing with anxiety, depression, PTSD, or loneliness, having a rescue dog by your side can make a world of difference. 🌍💚 These dogs often have a way of grounding their owners, helping them feel more present and calm. 🌟 The simple act of petting a dog or having a furry friend by your side can release oxytocin, the “feel-good” hormone, reducing stress and creating a sense of well-being. 🧘‍♂️

🌟 5. A New Lease on Life for Both 🌄

When you adopt a rescue dog, you give them a new chance at life. 🐾 But in many ways, they give you one too. 🥰 This mutual rescue—where both the dog and the owner find new purpose, joy, and love—creates a bond that is incredibly special. The experiences you share, from learning to trust again to celebrating small victories, create memories that last a lifetime. 🕊️

🌟 6. Advocating for Rescue and Adoption 🚨🐕

By adopting a rescue dog, you also become an advocate for the cause. 🗣️ You help spread awareness about the importance of rescuing and adopting pets in need. 🌍 Your story can inspire others to open their hearts and homes to a dog looking for a second chance. 🐶❤️

💬 Final Thoughts: Rescue Dogs Change Lives! 🐾

Adopting a rescue dog is one of the most rewarding experiences you can have. Not only do you give a dog a chance to live a happy, love-filled life, but you also gain a best friend who will stand by you through thick and thin. 🐶💪 The bond you form is a testament to resilience, trust, and the incredible healing power of love. 🌿💕

📢 Share Your Rescue Story! 🐕‍🦺

Do you have a rescue dog? We'd love to hear your story and see photos of your furry friend! Share in the comments below or tag us in your posts using #RescueDogJourney! 🐾💖

[anothershittyaccount]

Have any of you made a "contract" with your partner and found it helpful? Basically thinking having something written down with clear boundaries, expectations and consequences listed could be beneficial. Or is it beyond hopeless if you at the point where you have to draft a relationship framework and impose "consequences"? This would be my final attempt at trying to navigate this situation before calling it quits.

I'm at the end of my rope and simultaneously one of our dogs (my personal property per divorce findings) has stage 4 melanoma and a few weeks to 2 months max. I've decided to acquire a new dog so my other dog wont be lonely and I've paused my job and studies to basically devote these coming days to giving my dog a peaceful death and nurturing this new puppy I'm welcoming into my home.

My partners sexual addiction keeps on pulling them back in every few months... dday was october, with the full reveal in december. They have had no sexual relations since february, but they keep on talking to people related to AP and AP's family and friends every few months and I just want nothing to do with these people. If you are done with AP, you are done with everyone connected to them.

I cant be any more explicit that anyone connected to the AP's is not to be communicated and if I find out it happens one more time, my partner will need to vacate our house in 10 days. If I catch them in a lie pertaining to communication with AP or AP affiliates, they must vacate the same day. Those are literally my only boundaries. Partner thinks I'm controlling but literally just saying not to talk to the 4 AP's and anyone they know (approximately 200 people per AP), so like just saying of our planet of 8 billion, please dont talk to these select 800. Is that overreaching? Am I asking too much?

My partner on the other hand has a list of about a dozen things, all behavoirs she wants me to stop which I'm more than happy to comply with. The issues she lists only occur when I find out she is in communication or lying about being in communication with the AP or the AP's people. I lash out when I inevitably discover the lie and call her or her AP's hurtful and petty names. If she does not deceive me and stops prioritizing maintaining connections connected with the AP, her boundaries wouldn't be violated.

Situation is toxic, and with the dogs impending death, our divorce, and navigating this new norm post breach of trust I feel like its 1 step forwards 10 steps back at least once a month. Partner says its an addiction of a sexual nature, kind of like a combination of the rush you get from drugs or gabbling. They have made strides to minimize relapses but I feel like the effort is minimal or should be more... but having lost many loved ones to addiction, I am very empathetic to the struggles and I guess I just don't know when enough is enough.

Having 18 years together, she's been with me through so many of my own personal and plentiful struggles so I feel like I owe her the decency of sticking by her while she works through this. I feel like she deserves the same amount of compassion and time she gave me, and she has given me way more than 9 months worth of support so while I'm hurting now I just want to weather the storm and try and hold on to hope and cling to the faith and positive moments, of which there are plenty.

Simultaneously, my partner knows me extremely well so it's all just possible that she really knows how to appeal to my emotions and draw me in, giving me a little bit of hope to lead me on with no intention of following through long term. But that could be my doubt and insecurity talking? I just feel like all the trauma has turned me into a paranoid shell of my former self and I'm not acting like myself, I feel like I'm going crazy every time I new lie pertaining to AP's is revealed- it brings me right back to the raw emotions of day one.

Anyone have creative approaches to navigating this journey and trying to bebuild the trust when it continues to be violated due to their addiction? Having struggled with mental health issues myself, I know its not something that can be overcome overnight so should I give her the same amount of time she gave me in support over the years or what? Just feel so many mixed messages internally and from external forces. And I do have hope, but am I just being delusional too and roped into her delusions?

[purplesurveys]

1802

What's the highlight of your morning routine that sets a positive tone for your day? I'm not so sure how to answer this – I've been on an increasingly downward spiral and find it hard to smile these days. I wish I can get out of this rut :( I don't even have a thing in the morning that helps with my mood; when I wake up, I already have to exert so much energy just trying to get out of bed because it's become really difficult to do even just that.

Are there any new podcasts or audiobooks that have been accompanying your commutes? I have a horrible attention span when it comes to anything audio-centric that isn't a song lol, so podcasts and I were never able to bond well. When I drive or book a Grab, I prefer listening to music altogether or picking a video to watch. 

How do you wind down and relax after a long day? Any particular activities or rituals? I don't know anymore either...somewhere along the way I've lost even my free time because I've been OTing until 10 or 11 PM nearly every night this month. The one thing I refuse to miss out on, despite everything, is time with my dogs. Talking to them, playing tug of war with them, cuddling them...

Have you discovered any hidden gems in your local neighborhood recently? Maybe a new cafe or park? I really want to try that quaint minimalist café nearby, but I guess I'm just a little intimidated because the space is SUPER tiny and I feel I'd get too conscious if I go there alone. Maybe someday.

What's your go-to way of staying organized and managing your tasks right now? I have a virtual to-do list that I try to stay on top of.

Is there a specific dish you've been cooking or enjoying frequently in your current meal rotation? Yeah, I've been making chapaguri (or bibimyeon, if that's what I have at home) and samgyeopsal whenever I can. The noodles and meat just go SO well together and it's one of the few meals I can finish within minutes, knowing how slow I generally eat.

Have you made any changes to your exercise routine lately? New workouts or activities? I don't like working out. I've tried it so many times and everyone always says they feel great afterwards, but I'm always just so miserable during and after lmao. The only exercise I look forward to/find satisfaction in, would be walking.

What's a recent small achievement or milestone that you're proud of? For the first time ever I was able to confide in at least one of my parents about what I've been going through. I've been keeping everything in this whole time but there's only so much you can take, so I started messaging my dad last week about how hard everything has been, and letting him know I've been crying and stuff.

The whole experience has felt super freeing. My mom and grandma have also caught wind and are chipping in with their own ways of comfort and support, and I've been feeling grateful.

Another thing I was proud to finally confront my teammates about my plans to step down. I'm sick of letting it continue being a theoretical idea, so just so they know my resignation is nearer than they think, I just finally said it out loud so that too can be out of my system and out of the little corner in my mind I've been keeping in.

Are there any movies or TV shows you're re-watching and finding new details in? I feel this the most with wrestling! In the past I was largely into it from a very stan-ish perspective, so I was just kinda rooting for my 'crushes' and ignored the actual technicals of wrestling. Now that I'm older I see how it has changed, with me actually invested in what makes a match boring and less boring.

How do you stay inspired and creative during your work or free time these days? That drive to be inspired has definitely taken a harsh stop these days, with January hitting me with a mental blow you wouldn't believe. I'm in a slump, I'm in a rut, however you want to put that type of situation – I'm in it. In the limited free time I have I've been spending it lying on the couch, just anxiously awaiting the next work week and generally being unproductive; and it's frustrating having come to this point and momentarily feeling helpless.

The great thing about slumps is that they're all it is to them – they're temporary. I know enough about myself to know this isn't going to last forever and so long as I'm able to address the things in my way, I'll be back up again. That means going back to museums to feel creatively-charged, wanting to take myself out on weekends to experience new sights and sensations, and having that positive outlook in life I used to have. I'll be ok!!! Just need some fixing and internal troubleshooting, and a little rest :)

Have you come across any interesting articles, websites, or online communities recently? I mean, Reddit's got every interesting subreddit possible so I love hanging out in there. My feed is essentially space content, social history – photos of how life was back in the day, r/HobbyDrama is particularly a fantastic read, and all subreddits for my personal interests, from wrestling to K-pop.

What's the latest hobby or interest you've picked up, and what drew you to it? Not a hobby per se but I've been getting into Seventeen lately and have done nothing but watch Going Seventeen the past weekend. They've helped out a lot with this mental crisis I've been stuck in.

What's the most memorable interaction you've had with someone today? I had a very serious converstion with Trina today and it was me basically telling her to brace herself because I'm very likely to file my resignation by the 31st, latest Feb 1st. Kind of shitty on my part because I initially said I'd hold out for as long as I can and try to stick it out until March... but there's only so much I could take. I tried. I didn't just try, I fucking fought to keep staying.

But when you begin to cry every single morning to the point of hyperventilating and when you start feeling emotionless even towards significant job wins, and once your parents start being on a panicked frenzy because of how quiet you've been in the last 30 days and actually think you should be on suicide watch (I'm NOT getting ideas, but that's apparently how it translates to them lol), that's when you know the sun may be setting and it's time to go.

How do you inject moments of positivity into your daily routine, no matter how busy it gets? I mean I'll hop on Instagram and try to watch a couple of funny reels, and that helps me if only for a few seconds.

Are there any personal projects you're working on right now that bring you joy? Does journaling count? My sister got me a physical journal with these writing prompts – it's basically like these surveys LOL but I try to put in one entry a day. It even comes with a 365-day mood tracker, which, it's the first time I'm doing one so I've been super faithful when it comes to updating that motherfucker everyday haha.

What's a current goal that's shaping the choices you make on a daily basis? Resigning. GUYS IT'S NO LONGER JUST WORDSSSSSS AHHHHHH

Have you visited any local events or markets that have given your weekends a unique flavor? Tbh not really. Not a lot of exciting, hippie things happening on this part of the city.

How do you stay connected with friends and family despite your busy schedule? Instant messaging is always there. Everyone's reachable on Messenger so people haven't felt distant for a long time.

What's the most interesting thing you've learned recently, whether intentionally or by chance? Cody Rhodes was apparently working super small shows (like, high school gym level of small) back in 2016 when he left WWE. It's crazy how high he has soared since then, and even more inspirational to see him not rely on his last name and actually be willing to put in the ugly, dirty work knowing it's the only way he could start completely reshaping himself. Cody rules dude.

How do you maintain a balance between screen time and other activities in your day? I don't. I'm in front of a screen nearly 24/7 but tbh balancing it out is just not one of my priorities, simply put lol.

Have you experimented with any new methods of relaxation or mindfulness lately? Not really. I'm allowing myself to wallow in this rut first, but I'll be back in my element eventually.

What's your strategy for making the most of your weekends and recharging for the week ahead? I hardly sleep on weekends and spend my Saturdays and Sundays catching up with whatever content I've missed on social media – my Twitter feed, watching vlogs, soaking in K-pop shit – because I no longer get free time on weekdays with the ridiculous OT I have to put in.

Have you been dedicating time to any DIY projects or crafts that reflect your creativity? Nope, not really. I've never been artsy.

How do you incorporate learning and personal growth into your everyday life? I ask people about how they deal with things or ask them about their previous experiences about anything really, so I can learn from them. I also observe people a lot. It makes me see what I can emulate from them and what to avoid.

What's a unique tradition or habit that you've cultivated recently, making each day special? Answering the aforementioned journal that my sister got me as a Christmas gift last year.

[jiangchengneedstherapy]

I think its a mixture of both, had Wei Wuxian not cared/loved him, I don't think he'd give up something so dear and important [the golden core] much less be willing to be cut open for 2-3 days. AND a mixture of debt [Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmians final words] and the extreme pressure and trauma of both physical and mental pain driving him to it. Like he'd just watched his home burnt down (metaphorical), dead body mountains of the people he'd grown up with (literal), while he's extremely injured (those whips) they're hiding in Wen territory and Jiang Cheng isn't eating and has lost all his will to live. With Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian's final words hanging over him to take care of him, he fell into despair when he was running to Wen Sect after Jiang Cheng had been taken because of the realisation of how powerless they were, two children trying to survive from a whole sect. Poisons (4)

After a while of rest, he still decided to go to Lotus Pier to confirm first. Walking along the series of walls, a voice sounded within Wei WuXian's heart, praying with what was close to despair, This time, please don't let there be anyone talking about Jiang Cheng's corpse on the training field. Or else, or else I'll… Or else? Or else what could he do?| He could do nothing. He was powerless, Lotus Pier was destroyed, both Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu were gone, and Jiang Cheng had disappeared as well. He was the only one left, alone, with not even a sword in his hands. He didn't know anything, he couldn't do anything! For the first time, he discovered how little his power was. In front of something as large as the QishanWen Sect, it was the same as a mantis trying to stop a chariot.

And it wasn't as though it was an easy sacrifice and I'm not talking about just physically, yes, Jiang Cheng gained his will to live back, but we do find out that it was something that weighed on him heavily. Because also, had he not invented guidao after being thrown in literal hell, wasn't he basically giving up his entire cultivation to Jiang Cheng? The reason why core melting hand is so reviled, the path where he is now an ordinary cultivator while Wen flourish, unable to avenge his home? The very thing that drove Jiang Cheng to depression? Its basically like the time he transferred Jin Ling's curse(?) onto himself. He transferred Jiang Cheng's suffering onto himself, to allow him to be able to cultivate again, to avenge their sect as a way to take care of him, to keep him alive. Hatred (6)

From the bottom of his heart, he knew he wasn't so indifferent about it after all. Was it really that easy to move on from such a thing? Of course not. In truth, when Wei WuXian was seventeen or eighteen, his pride wasn't much lower than Jiang Cheng's. He once had strong spiritual powers, more talented than others. No matter how much he fooled around, staying up all night pulling pranks on others, he was still far ahead of his classmates who worked so hard. But every time he tossed and turned as he lay awake at night, knowing he'd never reach the stars using proper means, knowing he'd never wield his sword with the excellence that was supposed to bring astonishment to so many eyes, he wondered if Jiang FengMiang hadn't take him back to Lotus Pier, perhaps he wouldn't cross paths with cultivation his whole life. Then he would have never known that such a magnificent path existed in this world. He'd only be a head beggar who roamed the streets, fleeing at first sight of a dog, or maybe looking after cows and stealing other people's crops in the countryside, playing his flute to pass his time. He wouldn't have known to cultivate, and he definitely wouldn't have had the chance to form a core. With such thoughts, he'd felt much better. Take it as repayment, or take it as redemption. Take it as he'd never received the golden core to begin with. After explaining things to himself like this again and again, it was as though he was truly as confident and as nonchalant as he made it seem like on the surface, and along the way he could even praise himself for such a state of mind, whether he was lying or not. But that was in his past life.

He tries to convince himself it was for the best, to consider it repayment, because he doesn't like to dwell on his painful memories, but this was clearly something even he had trouble with. Overall, I'd say it was an extremely painful sacrifice, done under duress under a very stressful situation. That's one of the reasons I can't imagine a core transfer happening if the scenario is different, because the situation can only happen with those particular specifics in play. And also one of the reasons simply saying it was only out love also doesn't quite fit it but saying there wasn't love and only debt isn't befitting either.

"Why else would Wei Wuxian do what he did for Jiang Cheng if not because of love?"

Jiang Cheng dodged to the side before attacking, “When does not now mean? I’ve had enough of you—get lost right now!” Wei WuXian shouted, “Uncle Jiang and Madam Yu said for me to look after you, for you to be well!”

—Chapt. 59: Poisons, exr

Does Wei Wuxian still care for Jiang Cheng as a friend at this point in time? Yes. Is that friendship the driving force behind his decision-making between the fall of Lotus Pier and his later defection from the Jiang? No. That's why Wei Wuxian can defect with no psychological burden later on in life: he got Jiang Cheng to live and live well. He fulfilled every debt that mattered. Jiang Cheng, unburdened by such a debt to look after Wei Wuxian, in turn places blame on Wei Wuxian:

Under the grief and the fury, Jiang Cheng had lost his mind. He couldn’t control the strength that he used at all. Wei WuXian pulled at his wrist, “Jiang Cheng...” Holding him on the ground, Jiang Cheng continued to roar, “Why did you save Lan WangJi?! Why did you have to speak up?! How many times have I told you not to stir up trouble! Not to strike! Do you really want to play the hero so much?! Have you seen what happened when you played the hero?! Huh?! Are you happy now?! “Lan WangJi and Jin ZiXuan and those people can just die! Just let them die! What’s their deaths got to do with us?! To do with our sect?! Why did this have to happen?! Why?! “Go die, go die, go die! Everyone!!!” ... In his heart, Jiang Cheng knew clearly that back in the cave of the Xuanwu of Slaughter at Dusk-Creek Mountain, even if Wei WuXian hadn’t saved Lan WangJi, the Wen Sect would have found some reason to come over sooner or later. But he had always felt that, if the whole thing with Wei WuXian didn’t happen, maybe it wouldn’t have been so soon, maybe there would’ve been some way to turn things around. It was this torturing thought that filled his heart with hatred and wrath.

Not every conflict or sacrifice in a work of fiction need be motivated by love. At some point you gotta stop chasing ghosts between the lines and simply read the lines.

[lunarcovehq]

Efetobo Umukoro is a human that currently resides in Downtown and has been a Lunar Cove resident for 2 Days.

ITS THE END OF THE WORLD

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cis Male, He/Him

DATE OF BIRTH: January 22, 1989

OCCUPATION: Firefighter

FACECLAIM: Okieriete Onaodowan

AS WE KNOW IT, AND I FEEL FINE

SPECIES: Human

COALITION POSITION: Member 

WELCOME TO LUNAR COVE, EFETOBO UMUKORO

Trigger Warnings: Fire; Arson; Memory Loss/Amnesia; Injury; Death

The scar on his palm—twisting sideways and furling along the ridges of his fingers like the branches of some bare, thorny bush—first fractured his lifeline on one of those peculiar spring days when one could almost forget the winter had gone, when a bracing, salt-filled wind from the sea and the correct number of clouds conspired to make the little town of Lunar Cove unbearably and unseasonably cold. He came upon the baby bird when his sneaker paused above it, frozen, as if by some external force. Kneeling down, the boy, who had, by then, gone by Efe for most of his life, all seven years of it, scooped the creature into his hands and stared up at the tree towering before him, its branches swaying gently in the gusts still rolling by. 

He began climbing before he could really consider the practical concerns of such a feat, emboldened by a recent growth spurt that had finally placed him in the back row of that year’s class photo. And finding footing in the center of the tree, where its trunk split, he ascended, upward and upward, until, poised overhead, he was tucking the fallen bird back among its brethren—for better or for worse, he supposed. Efe himself had nearly made it all the way down again when he lost his grip, scraping his hand along the wood in an effort to grab onto something, and giving himself the strange, splintered mark, which he would carry into adulthood.

His father would click his tongue as he expertly bandaged his son’s hand later that afternoon, but really, the child had only inherited that protective instinct from the man himself, that deeply ingrained, pressing need, nestled in his heart of hearts to play rescuer, protector, hero to those still small enough to cower before bullies in the schoolyard. Dr. Umukoro had first come to Lunar Cove many years earlier, when he, as a young surgeon, learned of Shadow Lake Hospital, a far-away institution in dire want, from a peculiar colleague at a conference. Arriving in-town, the good doctor, shocked by its true nature, nevertheless, decided to stay. 

This place, cut off from the world at large, needed him, needed his skills; he had evidently been brought there for a reason. Thus, in full consideration of his oath, he remained. And perhaps Lunar Cove, then, was what he had needed as well. He married another doctor several years later, a human woman who worked in the emergency department, and together, the pair of them raised four children (and one dog) in a genuinely happy home at the very center of Celestial Hills.

Efe himself, their oldest child and their only son, largely did well at school—kept focused on his studies by the watchful eyes of his parents and guided by the admittedly pressing weight of their pristine public status as Coalition members. To step too far out of line, of course, would mean embarrassing his family name, and truly, that fate would be one worse than death, he knew. Popular and something of a natural leader, he scored high marks in class and excelled at sports, and by the time he entered high school, Efe had secured his own local reputation around town as a genuinely well-liked kid, the kind of young man neighbors could rely on to help with their groceries or teachers could count on to make a new student feel welcome.

Nevertheless, this new chapter also brought new challenges. At one time, most successes had come naturally to Efe, but by now, his classmates were beginning to blossom into themselves just as he was beginning to feel stagnant. The witches with whom he had grown up were discovering their inherent abilities, the Fae were beginning to test the limits of their supernatural speed, and tragic as it were, at least one werewolf, with whom Efe had once been close, had inadvertently triggered himself. In a move that would nearly ruin their relationship, then, the young wolf would lean on his enhanced durability and strength to snag Efe’s spot on the wrestling team right from under him, leaving Efe to play football (second-string) and bowl instead. Still, sobering as they were, Efe himself never quite held these realities against his friends, nor did he come to resent his humanity. But the very structure to which he had clung for so many years seemed to now be crumbling. And for the first time, his grades began to noticeably dip, never below a B-minus, of course, but his once pristine focus and secure sense of self had evidently been lost.

Efe’s parents decided to tighten their watch on him by making him volunteer at the hospital as he neared the end of high school, as if this experience could genuinely sway him toward a proper premed program. And in truth, Efe himself did not terribly mind the work; the gentle nighttime walks home after finishing his shift allowed him to clear his mind of the clutter of college application season. But it was on one of those very treks that he first came upon a fire burning in the already shattered husk of Shadow Lake. Hanging back, face flashing red and orange in the glow from his vantage point, he watched the smoke curl upward as the fire brigade quelled the flames. 

With his admission to his father’s prestigious alma mater rejected later that year, the young man, much to his parents’ chagrin, decided to take a year off from school to more properly work out what he actually wanted to do. Taking on odd jobs in addition, he began at the volunteer fire department at that time. And in the thrill of the endeavor, the bout of mysterious blazes out in Shadow Lake, he rediscovered that part of himself he had thought lost, that feeling of doing what he was supposed to be doing and doing it well. 

Efe was off-duty, however, trekking home from the hospital as he once did, when he came upon a former classmate, Reese Hawthorne, for the very first time, igniting a blaze by her own hand. He fled that night and lay awake, perturbed by the knowledge. Still, with the levelheadedness of daylight, he spoke up rather immediately. But in truth, no one quite took his word. His parents would not cross the coven, and his colleagues, satiated on their mundane diets of kitten rescues up to that point, perhaps found themselves drunk on the work Reese was providing. But thus also began the pair’s strange, passionate dance. The witch would light something up, and Efe Umukoro would appear to put it out. A push and a pull.

The young man did eventually confront her on his own when it seemed no one else would. He can recall, even now, making some quip about Bunsen burners in the middle school Chemistry lab, that he had found her suspicious even then upon seeing how she handled them. But he did not quite expect her to flirt with him, and caught off-guard, just as he had been when he rescued that baby bird, he acted without thinking. And he flirted back. 

The curious romance sprung from the peril of it all, the forbidden risk Efe had never before taken, bloated by adrenaline. He found in Reese an alluring, frightful sense of danger, and clinging to that notion, perhaps mistaking it for genuine love too soon, he fell for her, wildly and completely. Love itself had, at some point, crystallized into sincerity by the time he was on his knee holding up a ring one year later. A whirlwind followed. His parents disapproved. He did not care. There came a wedding and a house and a dog affectionately called Badger.

But then also came the question of children, and the passion that had once brought them together, now pulled fitful, fiery words from their tongues. They argued. And married bliss, or as close as they were going to get to it, flickered and fizzed until all that was left was an odd, sad sort of bitterness, a candle snuffed out and left smoking. Efe was not quite angry when he loaded up his car and drove away that one fateful afternoon. Resentment was not the feeling, no. Perhaps it was melancholy, then, this strange, yearning emotion that carved a hollow so deep into his chest, the sensation of hopes unfulfilled. The split had been amicable enough, mutually agreed upon, but this self-conscious emptiness, nagging and hungry as it was, he could not stand to live with. He could not stand his parents’ clicking tongues, or that ghastly hospital, or the splintered buildings of Shadow Lake, or the house he would not get to live in, or his left hand, where that scar from so many years ago licked at his ring finger.

He wished things had been different, he realized, and in a moment of earnest, intellectual clarity, he realized, all the same, that it was no one’s fault that they had not been. Efe clung to this singular notion as he passed through the Mirage, until it grew fainter and fainter in his mind’s eye. As he glanced in his rear-view mirror upon coming to its edge, his thoughts turned back to his little hometown, to all the perfectly average people who lived in it, to an average childhood and average classmates he could never quite catch up with, and to a marriage between two people that simply did not work out. Weird, he thought, as static took over the radio. Siren Sounds, to which he had been tuned, buzzed out for the last time, as if had never existed to begin with.

Drifting for a bit, then, Efe eventually settled in Chicago, where he made a proper career as a firefighter. By now, a decade or so after leaving Lunar Cove, he has a nice apartment, a good job, and a new relationship, the most recent and most sincere of several that had been fizzing out for many years. What was missing, perhaps, were the parents and sisters he had left behind so many years earlier, victims of his own mighty push for independence. Recently, a notable display of bravery at the scene of an apartment fire earned Efe recognition from the Mayor’s Office for bravery. But despite the man’s pleas, neither his mother and father nor his siblings were willing to make the trip for the ceremony. 

Irritated at this apparent rejection of his attempt to mend bridges, Efe did not truly understand until he was driving back to confront them. Passing once more through the Mirage, he felt the years all at once return. And in-town now on leave, staying in his childhood home that he long ago outgrew, he is trying to screw up the courage to leave again and reclaim the life he had been building, even if that life is only partially true. 

[obitusgnosis]

conflicted//afflicted

I keep trying to write out my feelings and thoughts in a dumb hidden (red flag oop) diary app bullshit but it keeps crashing... It's almost kind of cathartic in a way though, like almost therapeutic.. to write it all out, the feeling; the literal feeling of the keyboard buttons is what really does it for me I guess. Writing doesn't have that "umph!" i'm trying to achieve but these damn buttons... hot dog! I love to press these buttons and how they sound when I do. Anyhow, that part is physically therapeutic but it's also really nice to write it all out and then "poof!" gone (even though the app crashing is super annoying and sometimes brings a rage out of me that I thought I had once lost). It's great because I have always had anxieties around keeping written proof of the inner workings of my mind, sometimes for fear of someone else finding and reading my private thoughts and judging me. Other times the fear is of me judging myself and feeling embarrassment for these past feelings.

This fear is now a reality though.

I never had parents that would riffle through my things to get a better understanding of me, that was some tv movie shit. The fear is inherent because it's exactly what I would do to another, snoop to better understand. "Curiosity killed the cat" is basically my unspoken mantra, I wouldn't know how to mind my own business if I tried to... so I fear for my privacy. The fear of being monitored is my new baseline for reality as I had a relational slip up and am now on the thinnest of ice... I made the mistake of showing others who are not my significant other my body and entrusting in them with creative projects which could be seen as intimate (poems, songs creations) and humoring another relationship. On one hand I understand the betrayal that could (did) ensue of sharing intimate parts of oneself with others not in the immediate romantic relationship but I am still unfortunately operating with a mindset geared towards polyamory. I was functioning so well before this monogamous relationship. I treated my friends so well. I operated on a system where I was considering them (small scale in my head as well as generally treating them as I would enjoy to be treated) both platonically and romantically. Though the interactions could get confusing at times I was learning, growing, and seemingly happier. My communication skills were flourishing. I was never afraid to bring anything up no matter how off putting and never afraid to get an answer from my lovely loving friends.

I had so much love in my life and so much support that is missing now as I occupy most of my time hanging out with, working with, or placating my boyfriend so that I can be trusted. I feel as if I have betrayed huge parts of myself I have only really just begun to discover. There are these old lost parts of myself that no longer feel like they have a home within me. I want to make the bed up and invite them back in but it just seems like too much has gone on between who I was and who I am. It seems so dramatic when I write it out but these are the thoughts that swirl around my head and plague me. There are so many things I miss. I miss feeling secure in my decision making. I am being second guessed a lot and it's been messing with the confidence and self assurance I've worked really hard to build up through out the years. I miss not being questioned when I go out and when I come back, I was never raised like that so it seems really out of place and parental almost. I do not like having to answer to anybody in my personal life as most of the world is built so you have to answer to someone, even spiritually so it's really tiring. I miss wearing my clothes and not worrying if someone will be mad, I finally like my body and do not mind showing it off a bit. There are things that feel fundamental to my being that I am expected to ignore or mend for him and I'm not sure its worth the mental toll its been taking. I am so friendly and have such a large capacity for love in all forms, but I feel so closed off from that part of myself. I've been ignoring that more curious, approachable part of myself so I can make him feel safer and more secure in this sham of a relationship. {That was rude, it's not a sham I really do love him I just don't know if I really like myself now that I'm always with him. That's a thought that keeps popping in my head. I don't know if I like who I am when I'm with him... but I really like him.}

He says things like "do you not see the position you're putting yourself in?" or "how do you think someone's going to react" when I wear risque things or want to go to places I have frequented safely before with friends (and even solo) (punk shows, rap shows, local music and art things) It makes me feel so small and dumb. I have gotten by this far by myself and sure as fuck without "an adult" or my parents to hold my hand and make sure it's safe. I sure as fuck don't need the man I'm fucking bugging out about a function he wont even go to. UGH i'm getting amped up again and I can feel the cortisol levels rising along with my blood pressure. I respect him but it's hard to feel equal respect when you came from completely different planes of thinking.

I can't keep feeling punished. It's no way to operate.

I am so angry at myself but also you for how restrictive it can get.

I'm beginning to hate myself so much more for what I did but now I'm starting to resent you for never letting it go. for never letting it breathe. I spend a majority of my days with you and it's still not enough. I don't know what will be.

Last night I was finally honest about how I felt in our relationship for once. I said "I spend every day with you and I still feel like shit" We almost got there to the breaking point I think. Maybe I should have let it happen. Yes, there were fears of next steps and where to go and how to pick up the pieces but my heart ached. How fucking dumb is that, I was almost out and all done and then my stupid fucking heart said wait no we love him, we can have a future with him. I think of things like homemaking and babies and the shining sun and leaves blowing in the wind. It's fucking weird. Just last year I wanted a boyfriend and a girlfriend and to be a token aunty and live in a big village. I feel like someone entirely different and it scares me.

I hate that he thinks a half truth is a lie. halftruth: I love you fulltruth: I love you very much but It eats away at the love I have for myself, I lose respect for myself the more I love you and try to please you. It sickens me how weak I have gotten.

[realjoearts]

a keen eye would’ve noticed that despite TWODAD existing since 2018 that most art, including all of the bases (apart from the v2 mini), are listed under being drawn in 2019. this is because the original TWODAD art was all drawn on paper tracing over a base i had drawn in the original TWODAD character notebook!

these are the original character drawings with some new faces who you may have never seen before! and you may just find that early TWODAD was different from how it is now. And like always with these wolves you can find out more about them below the cut (all within the context of the original concepts)!

Dawn is a medic in training for Hikari Pack.

Zira (Mud Foot) is a medic in training for Hikari Pack. Zira wasn’t born into the pack instead he was born to a rogue mother who left him and his brother, Shadow Claw, abandoned in the mud. the pair were later discovered by a patrol and brought to the pack’s nursery where they’d been raised since. for as long as Zira can remember he’d been plagued with prophetic dreams from the past. these dreams showed him the lives of the wolves living in the new era of packs.

Jasper (Aspen Fur) is the son of the pack’s alpha Aphrodite Heart (Silver Heart) and is to inherit his mother’s title after her death. but it’ll be a long time before he’s ready to do that because he’s only little right now as he’s a few moons younger than Dawn and Zira. Jasper is the lone surviving child of Aphrodite Heart and Ace and that has made his mother very cautious of him and his wellbeing. he’s allergic to blueberries.

Mawled Fur is a very scarred she-wolf who’s been resident of many packs in the past. she’s plagued with horrible prophetic dreams about the deaths of those she loves and telling her that in order to prevent such a thing she must leave where she currently resides. she’s also been mother to several children who she’s had to entrust in the care of others due to the threats the dreams pose on them. she currently serves as a medic in Ekor Hilang/The Lost Tales (Lost Pack) with the only two children she’s been able to stay and raise, Dust Cloud and Limp Paw. Mawled Fur, formerly Petal Pup, sustained her injuries after she was mauled by a feral dog as a very young pup who got too curious of the world and wandered into the forest alone. a vicious attack like that would’ve killed anybody but Mawled Fur miraculously survived though she would never look the same again. she felt like she couldn’t return home and thus the angel who had saved her guided her to Yumi territory where they took her in where she then trained as a warrior and later fell in love and had several litters of pups. on the night that she left Yumi she had to abandon most of her children and lost two to the elements on the cold and icy night. now that her prophetic dreams have lessened in severity and are less frequently she may finally live in peace helping care for the pack’s pups making sure no harm can ever come to them.

Gracepaw is a young warrior in training from The Lost Tales

Maisie is the medic for The Outsiders who spends most of her time within the safety of the burrows under the willow tree. she only really leaves the safety of the willow tree when she needs to gather herbs, berries or things to make dyes for the weavers. Maisie isn’t one for socialising and doesn’t like the attention being on her which isn’t the best when shes been adopted by two extroverts, her best friends Ashton and Melody. Maisie never thought she was one for romance after she came to the realisation that she didn’t like any of the male wolves in her pack that way but that all changed when she was spooked while gathering herbs on the outskirts of Outsider territory by a loitering Ash Wing. one could say it was love at first startle.

Ashton

Ashwing

Quest Tail

Melody

Flash

Dusk

Aku No is the daughter of

[safereturndoubtful]

Day 89 - at Treffort

The old laundry here at Treffort is a good stopover place. I occasionally use sites like searchforsites and park4night but only when desperate. They tend to attract motorhomes and so need to be accessible to them. Also, if there is a good place it soon becomes overrun by folk using the website, and then a problem for locals. The sites have been trolled also, so good sites can be ‘closed down’ by selfish campers, or more understandably, by local residents. I’d far rather discover places for myself, than keep them to myself. A good way to make finds is to take a hike from a car park and have a look around on foot. That was how I found this.

A few residents pass, many with dogs. Roja has a friendly sniff of them all, and will swim with any volunteers in the laundry waters of course.

I’m midway into the best of my French novel selection, no surprise that it’s Georges Simenon, with an obscure but splendid ‘romans durs’ called The Fate of the Malous’.

By mid-morning we headed out on a circuit I had planned, through the forest to the village of Cuisiat, and back over the ‘crête’, a low lying, but stimulating ridge giving good views.

A group of four women left at the same time as we did, and arrived back at the same time also. Though we didn’t see each other, it did appear that we had done the same route, just in reverse. We didn’t see each other because we both got ‘lost’ at the same time, at the ridge, where the path is very indistinct.

There were also some horses and carriages taking lunch at the laundry. The women told me there was a ‘meeting of horses’ this evening at the camping, with over 300 horses, and their riders, expected. There’s a photo below, which is I believe a sport called carriage driving, with the guy at the back helping the steering.

I was invited to the horse meeting, as the lady whose phone i indirectly helped to find yesterday, passed by later in the afternoon. A pity it coincides with the European rugby final.

This is the third successive year I’ve watched the Champions Cup rugby final in the van; two years ago on the Assynt peninsula in the far north of Scotland with a guy I met in a similarly converted Crafter van, who took a drone video of us both, a year ago in Treignes in Belgium on my way home from Slovenia.

With the Lancashire T20 cricket on the radio as well I feel spoilt.

[toughgirlchallenges]

Allie Bailey - Ultra runner, Running 1,000+ miles from Lands End to John O’Groats in 35-days

Allie spent a lot of her life seeking approval from people she thought were cool, believing that in order to be successful, you had to act a certain way. For her, success is seeing someone who doesn't believe they can do something transform into someone who does.

After working for major record labels for 12 years, Allie realised that music, which she had once loved, was slowly killing her. Her dream career had turned her into a nightmare, and she was completely lost. Allie has struggled to find her place and suffers from depressive demons, anxiety, and existential misery.

After taking part in the inaugural Rat Race Test Pilot trip to Mongolia in 2018, she realised it was the first time she had truly had time to stop, think, and be completely at peace. Fast forward, after three and a half years, numerous journeys, a pandemic, some questionable decisions, and a lot of planning and running, Allie is now coaching other people to do amazing things.

Allie holds several world firsts to her name, including running across Mongolia's Lake Khovsgol and crossing the Namib Desert twice. Allie is the first woman to run the entire length of the Panama Canal. She has also run the length of the Outer Hebrides, crossed Scotland on packraft and foot several times, and completed over 100 marathons and 60-70 ultramarathons, including nine 100-mile plus races.

Allie started running 10 years ago and have only being doing the ultra thing for 6 years, but she absolutely love it. It's a game changer. Allie believes that it is something that anyone of any age and from any background can participate in.

Allie has been extremely lucky to have discovered something she truly enjoys doing, and her favorite thing in the entire world is seeing people achieve things they never thought were possible

"There's nobody funner than an Ultrarunner" - Allie Bailey

  New episodes of the Tough Girl Podcast go live every Tuesday and Thursday at 7am UK time - Make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss out. 

The Tough Girl Podcast is being sponsored throughout March by Inov-8. www.inov-8.com

Get involved with the #MarchDailyMile Challenge. Run 1 mile everyday in March. 

* We have previously spoken with Allie on 18th Dec 2018 - Listen here 

  FYI marked as *Explicit - as there are a few little swear words!

  Show Notes

Who is Allie Bailey

Meeting her dogs!

Why ultra running and why she loves it 

Writing her book 

How running helps with her mental health 

Being able to process her thoughts 

Going more into adventure running

Her favourite distance to run…

Liking 100 mile races

LEJOG - Lands End to John O’Groats

The ultimate dream 

Working with Rat Race 

Starting on the 1st June 2022

Running on average 35 miles a day

The hardest part of the LEJOG challenge

The mental side of the challenge

The challenges of being away from home

What a typical day looked like 

Starting with the South West Coast Path

Running 44 miles into Bristol over 12 hrs

Chocolate milk

Being in bed asleep by 8pm

Snacking all day

Having a rest day once a week 

Staying injury free throughout the journey 

Wanting to finish the run

Voltarol gel to help with the pain

Using bonjela to numb blisters 

Wearing Inov-8 Parkclaw G280 - for 750 miles (then wearing a second pair for the final 250 miles) - “the greatest shoe of all time”

The ultra playlist on Spotify - The Bailey Ultra Sound System 

Getting to Scotland and the final few days 

Spending time by herself towards the end 

Getting to John O’Groats and doing the final mile 

Feeling underwhelmed with what she had achieved 

What she would have done differently 

Wishing she had done more strength training before she left

Costs of taking on a challenge like this 

RAT RACE: RUN BRITANNIA

Dragons Back Race, Wales 

Getting timed out on day 2 

Why it was the most intense thing she’s ever done

Feeling like a fraud 

Taking herself out of the situation

The lessons learned from the experience

Wanting to go back in 2024 and try again

Blog Post - FAILING WHILE DARING GREATLY - THE REAL REASONS THAT DRAGONS BACK RACE IS THE TOUGHEST MOUNTAIN RACE IN THE WORLD. 

Not being kind to herself

Being able to reframe the situation 

Time off in 2023…..

Planning to do her first 200 miler and wanting to run all the Wainwrights in a year

Taking 10 days off running!!!

How you can connect with Allie

Final words of wisdom and advice for women who want to get into running and take it to the next level

Finding your people, find your tribe, find your people 

Ultra Awesome FB Group

  Social Media

Website www.alliebailey.co.uk 

Instagram @ab_runs 

Twitter  @AllieBailey 

Spotify https://open.spotify.com/user/alliehbailey 

    Check out this episode!

[dreamingsushi]

Blue Birthday - Episode 13

I got an unexpected day off today and I figured I might as well and try to finish this drama so I can move on to different ones in which I might be a little more interested. I would say that it was a good start on this one, but I kind of dropped out of it mid way. I got a little too redundant for my taste and I don’t expect a lot from the last few episodes to be honest. But we never know, something might change magically!

So, by the end of the last episode, we finally managed to discover that Hyemin noona is the culprit of the murder. It was unclear wether she was really arrested or not, but we’ll discover that quite quickly. So a news report tells us that yes, she had been and she’s been proved guilty.

Then we are taken to a flashback of Hyemin’s past, when she was lost. She met an older guy (than her, he’s not old-old) and he takes her I don’t know where, but not to her parents, as the flashback quickly change for a place where she’s with another bunch of teenage girls and it seems she being bullied for the fact that she’s an abandoned child. Then to another one, where she steals some stuff from a convenience store and sees a poster that says that someone is still looking out for her. Anyways, she finds back her family. On Seojun’s birthday, which coincides with the same date as she disappeared. That’s way twisted to want to get rid of him because of that... I need more back story, otherwise I would have been really disappointed.

But it doesn’t seem now’s the time I’ll get more answers, because they bring Harin back to the future right at this time. And she discovers she adopted a fluffy pet dog with Seojun. Meaning he’s not dead, right? Eunsong then gives her a call tells her to come get Seojun because he’s drunk. But then when she goes there, he’s not. Actually at first there are only Sujin and Eui-something and she apologizes for suspecting Sujin back then. And then Seojun comes back, not drunk at all. And then we learn that Hyemin gets out of prison that weekend. Seriously if we go back into protecting Seojun mode...

Or maybe it will be let’s protect Harin mode. Hyemin ends up being a volunteer at Harin’s job. As soon as they said there would be volunteers, I KNEW she was going to be one of them. Anyways, she says she reflected a lot while she was locked up and during work she’s very diligent so Harin’s colleagues all like her and all want her to come back... My worry is that she will use the opportunity volunteering there to get her hands on more follenir. But hopefully, she really did reflect and isn’t up to anything bad. Please.

Sujin also feels suspicious about her. No wonder...

Harin receives a phone call that something happened to Seojun. But then he calls her and he’s all right. Weird enough that she just gave her cellphone number to Hyemin, right? Anyways, she goes back home and the dog is hiding and barking. Of course, Hyemin got in. Ah she came to get the last picture. No wonder. I forgot there was one left. I should have expected that. There’s no point in kiling Seojun now if she can escape from being in prison. They fight a bit, but Hyemin ends up burning the picture and Harin grabs her ankle. Seems like you can team time travel... Ugh... This should’ve been over, it’s a little dragging.

To be brutally honest, I don’t think there’s any way to save that drama anymore. It’s just getting too long, running in circles. I don’t see what this arch will bring more to the story. I mean unless she tries to undo all her killing and wants to live peacefully. Which I highly doubt at this point... And here I thought it was similar to Under the Miracle Cherry Tree... It’s not at all.

[annoyedbyfoolishness]

And the Beat Goes On...

So once again, I am surrounded by incompetent females. My younger sister comes in from out of town and gets lost in how to come back to her hometown... Well in her defense, her boyfriend was driving. All of what is about to be conveyed happened yesterday. I live in a nearby county that everybody from our hometown is all to familiar with so it should be no surprise in how to get to. I was to rendezvous with her in my town and then drive her to my Dad’s to be with him during his last few days before passing. She called me at 3:45am to inform me she was departing her home 300 miles away and on her way. I ask her about what time does she anticipate her arrival in my town and advise her to meet me a nationally known restaurant parking lot once she pulls into town. She calls me and tells me she should be there by 7am. I leave the house about 10 minutes until arrival time and park in the parking lot of the fast food place. She calls again and I discover she is in the wrong borough of the county that I reside in so I politely provide her directions which would directly lead her to a pharmacy by which I would meet them there. Mind you, she already had it mapped out her destination with the university that happens to be in the town that I reside in but totally lands outside of that realm. So I finally get her to Dad’s, but next my girlfriend calls me and alerts me that she’s having automobile trouble and needs me to follow her to the mechanic’s and bring her back home. In addition, that I would need to spend the night with her so I can take to work in that next morning. Needless to say, I performed a lot of driving yesterday. I am glad I proactively scheduled the day off from work because I would have never been able to execute what was required of me. The day at Dad’s was sad and filled with physically managing his bed arrangement and assisting my step-mother in changing his diapers. My step-mother can’t cook worth shit...She offered to make me scrambled eggs but I had to put them in the microwave to cook a bit longer as they were still runny. All I ate at Dad’s was a scrambled egg sandwich and 2 protein bars. Then as I already stated, had to leave from there and pick up my girlfriend and do what was required; leave her place, back to Dad’s to spend more time with him, and then leave for the night. By the time I left Dad’s I was in a pre-zombie state. I was sleep deprived and was desperate need of shower and food. Came home, took a shower, tended to my dogs, and headed to my girlfriend’s place. As soon as I got there, I fixed me something to eat and laid down. I have a great girlfriend! Let’s just say, “she blessed me” before I went to sleep. Next, had to turn around and wake up at 5:45am to get up and take her to work. The most awesome thing about it [God is soo good] is that her job is only 2 blocks away from my house! Tired and sore, I came home after dropping her off and laid down again. I slept good. The plan for today was to go to work, schedule my lunch early so I could pick up my girlfriend from, and bring her back to my place. As I got up to prepare for my work day, I get a voice message from my mother informing me she was in the hospital. I thought to myself, “You’re still in the ER and they haven’t figured out what’s wrong with you yet?” Come to find out after making some investigative phone calls to the hospital that my mother is in a mental health facility... This is no surprise because she has mental health issues, but the kicker was what she said in the voice message. She mentioned that she made my estranged wife and myself power of attorney over her! This is not good because I haven’t been with my estranged wife for over 2 years and she doesn’t need to be included in any of my family’s dealings. Now I know you all are going to be like, “Why aren’t you divorced?” Let’s just say, financial hardship. I cannot afford a divorce right now. However, I have found an alternate means of getting a divorce which is much cheaper than hiring a lawyer, Clerk Master, so that is in the works. As I said before, my girlfriend is great and she has offered to make a substantial contribution to getting this process started with the understanding that I pay her back. I am in agreement with this deal. My nerves are a wreck right now because all I can think about is my poor father suffering during his last days on this planet. I brought my “flashlight” and submitted a family medical leave of absence for a family member and am awaiting approval. The aim is sacrifice pay for the sake of being with family during the difficult time. I know Dad would do the same for me. One might ask, flashlight? what are you trying to say?” Well as a natural leader, one has to rely on self to find solutions. My boss (female) knows my situation but not once suggested FMLA (Care for a family member). I remember seeing it when I submitted a claim prior to my last surgery. So I informed my boss of my future intentions and she worked out my PTO to take the rest of the day off to be with my family and await my claims results. The only thing that is bothering me now is notifying out of state family members who’s numbers have changed or unable to locate to inform of Dad’s inevitable passing. I love you Dad, always and forever...