#( I didn't have her on any of my accounts )
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Coming in to play! (Patreon)
#Doodles#Webkinz#Webkinz hours! The cute lads have wedged their way back to the forefront of my mind haha#I'm honestly really glad I kept all my Webkinz plush over time and they've survived all the moves and whatnot#Some are still missing - most notably my horses for some reason - but I have the rest onhand and they're still cute and soft and I love them#Getting the opportunity to name and play with them as a young'un made them stick quite strongly in my mind ♪#And I still find some of my design sensibilities with their roots in the gameplay/game design/UI design/interactivity#I think it inspired some of my Video Game Design brain which is an aspect of myself I'm quite happy with :D#And I /love/ plushies probably now more than ever <3 So I'm doubly glad younger me didn't get rid of them haha#Got my lineup that featured in Tala's Requestober this year ♥ I left out a couple for what are probably obvious reasons ahem ahem#If you haven't seen what the Official design of the clownfish is in Webkinz... The plushy is arguably worse lol why that one of all of them#Hire me to design Webkinz fish I dare you#There are actually several cute fish - and several ugly ones! Lol I don't know why they're so inconsistent#It's not like the differences between Signature and Classic! Most of the fish are Classic or eStore! I don't know what gives lol#Anyway lol the other one I left out was my Night Mare since I couldn't remember his name either - which is a shame! I liked him#I still have some fairly clear memories of playing Webkinz with those lads <3 Of the different rooms and relationships and games#It's nostalgic! It's nice to reminisce on something so cheery and cute and light and fluffy :)#As for the rest hehe - I tend to pick up 'kinz whenever I find them at secondhand shops and the like - much like Lalaloopsies#They're out of production! Harder to find - rare and valuable haha totally#I haven't found any New With Tags so far but I'm on the hunt still!! Someday it'll be my turn...#But I Have found some really adorable fellows for cents on the dollar haha <3 Two Blue Whales and a Sheep and Duck!! So cute#My latest find was a Lil'kinz Lioness Cub and she is - So tiny <3 Really adorably constructed with a fluffy nose ahhh ♪#The Long Eared Bunny is my current Free 'kinz! I unfortunately lost the account with Baaby so I had to start over again but that's alright#This time I've got Embroidery and she's in a closet cosplay of Edgar haha - black-and-grey striped shirt with dark pants and round glasses#And angel wings! I was able to snag those from the Ganz website and they're perfect honestly haha ♥ She won an Open Beauty Pageant with it!#Couple of her with Sugar - my first Webkinz I got to play with since Diamond's tag was thrown away :') Sugar's my oldest 'kinz <3#And of her with smol's Free 'kinz since I convinced her to play with me off and on haha - her Leonberger named Borgus :D#And then one final one of what I'd really like - a Webkinz Spider ;;♥ I /know/ they've made spider objects that are really cute!#And April Fools' fake pets of a spider!! Give me the fluffy spider please Ganz even if there's no plushie I just need to pet the spider
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10am
me: oh boy i sure hope i can start gigging this holiday season, but i don't know very many people so i don't know how!
2pm
my violinist friend's teacher: hey iris are you available to do a gig in my church this weekend?
me: oh fuck yeah
#hopefully this will lead to More Stuff#idk i need to Get Networking but i also need to fix whatever problem i have w facebook (my account got blocked#for 'violating guidelines' approximately two seconds after i made it and then i appealed and IT DENIED ME????)#idk my friends said facebook is where you get all the 'old people gigs' (their words) but fuck that until i fix this ig#i guess i could do more stuff on instagram but i haven't done much at all yet and dont have many#if any videos of performances i feel comfortable and confident sharing / using to advertise myself...#im taking music business next semester idk how much that will help but its three fucking hour class so hopefully at least#a bit lol#and now doing this that's people who will Know me right so hopefully they will call me back at some point#i just am not sure how to find people who need violists!!!!!!!!#i should my TA for help tbh. why didn't that occur to me sooner she's literally like the most wonderful and helpful person#on the planet#i will email her in the morning ☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼#bluebird.txt
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"The feast of the Nativity of Saint John the Baptist being appointed as the day upon which the coronation of the king [Edward V] would take place without fail, all both hoped for and expected a season of prosperity for the kingdom."
— Excerpt from the Croyland Continuator / David Horspool, Richard III: A Ruler and Reputation
Even though Edward IV’s death was unexpected, after twelve years of peace there need not have been too much of a sense of foreboding about the succession. The great dynastic wound from which the Wars of the Roses had grown had not so much been healed as cauterized by the extinction of the House of Lancaster. There was no rush for London, as had happened in earlier, disputed successions. The royal party didn’t set out from Ludlow for ten days after hearing the news of Edward IV’s death, while Richard took his time, too. And the new king had [his mother the dowager queen and] two uncles to support him: his mother’s brother, the sophisticated, cultured, highly experienced Earl Rivers; and his father’s, the loyal and reliable Duke of Gloucester, to whom Edward IV had entrusted unprecedented power and vital military command.
... [Richard of Gloucester] had achieved his goal by a mixture of luck and ruthlessness, and if he made it appear, or even believed himself, that destiny played a part, this only made him a man in step with his times. Modern historians have no time for destiny, but sometimes the more ‘structuralist’ interpretations of the events surrounding the usurpation can come close to it. When we read that ‘the chances of preserving an unchallenged succession were . . . weakened by the estrangement of many of the rank-and-file nobility from . . . high politics, which was partly a consequence of the Wars of the Roses and partly of Edward IV’s own policies’, it is hard not to conclude that an unforeseeable turn of events is being recast as a predictable one. But without one overriding factor – the actions of Richard, Duke of Gloucester after he took the decision to make himself King Richard III – none of this could have happened. That is, when the same author concedes ‘Nor can we discount Richard’s own forceful character’, he is pitching it rather low*.
Edward IV had not left behind a factional fault line waiting to be shaken apart. Richard of Gloucester’s decision to usurp was a political earthquake that could not have been forecast on 9 April, when Edward died. After all, Simon Stallworth did not even anticipate it on 21 June, the day before Richard went public. We should be wary of allowing hindsight to give us more clairvoyance than the well-informed contemporary who had no idea ‘what schall happyne’. This is not to argue that Richard’s will alone allowed him to take the Crown. Clearly, the circumstances of a minority, the existence of powerful magnates with access to private forces, and the reasonably recent examples of resorts to violence and deposition of kings, made Richard’s path a more conceivable one. But Richard’s own tactics, his arrest of Rivers, Vaughan and Grey, the rounding up of Hastings and the bishops, relied on surprise. If men as close as these to the workings of high politics at a delicate juncture had no inkling of what might happen, the least historians can do is to reflect that uncertainty [...].
(*The author who Horspool is referencing and disagreeing with is Charles Ross)
#wars of the roses#edward v#richard iii#edward iv#my post#I'm writing a post on this topic but I have no idea when I'll finish it so I figured I should post Horspool's epic analysis#or should I say epic takedown? <3#friendly reminder that Richard's usurpation happened primarily and decidedly because of Richard's own decisions and actions#we need to stop downplaying his singular agency and accountability by casting the blame on others#most of all Elizabeth Woodville and her family but also the bizarre interpretation of historians like Ross and Pollard (et al)#who somehow hold Edward more responsible (through a 'structuralist' view as Horspool says) even though that literally makes no sense#also friendly reminder that actual contemporaries did not view Edward V's minority as a sign of worry and potential discontent#quite the opposite - they expected him to have a prosperous reign. which made sense since Edward IV left his son a far more stable#country than any former minor king (and most other adult kings tbh). The irony is that it was his son's usurper who benefitted from it.#also I added Elizabeth Woodville to the list because Edward V himself specifically said that he trusted the governance of the country#'to the peers of the realm and the queen' as quoted by Mancini (likely relayed to him by John Argentine)#and this is supported by evidence. After Edward's death the Croyland Continuator substitutes Elizabeth's role in the council#for that of the King: 'the counsellors of the king now deceased were present with the queen'#we know Elizabeth presided over all the council's decisions and initiated proposals (the size of her son's military escort) on her own#She was clearly the one with the most authority in the council (who were described as being present with *her* not anyone else)#Hastings made demands but he couldn't enforce them at all (and was in fact worried). It was clearly Elizabeth who had that power.#She was likely going to play a very prominent role during her son's minority and imo it's problematic to assume otherwise#(Lynda Pidgeon assumes otherwise but she's based her assumption on objectively false information so I don't think we should take her#seriously)(see: she claims that EW lacked influence compared to her male relatives in royal councils when EW HERSELF WAS IN ROYAL COUNCILS)#That's not to go too far the other direction and claim EW tried to dominate and tactlessly exclude others - we know she didn't#The impression we get by this first council and by Richard's own actions indicates that she Richard and Anthony would likely#work *together* when it came to governing the realm#I do find it frustrating when people disregard the fact that based on the impression we have she would've had a very visible#and powerful role
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I wonder if sam, in those 5 years apart from tara, was checking her Instagram to see in real-time how much her little sister was growing up. I can imagine Sam tracing her fingers on her phone when she found a (rare) selfie of Tara, because it's the closest thing she could've gotten to have any sort of physical touch with her.
#i hc tara as the type of person that rarely posts any pics of herself on ig#and instead her account is full of photo dumps of random things#sam probably didn't even have Instagram because in my head she's a boomer#but then she realised that tara definitely had it and she made an account just to check on her#her account is completely empty no pfp no posts no bio and even her @ is something like sam12378#after sam came back and tara found out about her account (and made fun of her as a good little sister)#she changed her @ into sammycarpy (sam doesn't like it but she doesn't know how to change it) and now she has a pic of her and tara as a pfp#sam carpenter#tara carpenter#carpenter sisters
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Have been reading this sci-fi romance and like UGH u ever really wish a book was just at least a little better??? There's stuff in this that's interesting but also a lot about it that's so... Juvenile and kinda undercooked lol...... But it's so hard finding good romance bc for a lot of romance readers this is enough, except even then not really since they prolly didn't fuck nasty enough in this book for the ppl that just need the merest pretense to read smut (which is fine if that's what u like there's just an oversaturation of this, esp when you can have a light plot/heavy smut story with slightly better writing and internal world building without having to explain and describe the 'boring' parts 😅)
#i have another romance series i like and return to and i feel like i couch it so much when i say its good actually#but my recent attempts to get back into reading and find a good romance this last year has kinda shown me#i was taking the quality of writing in that series for GRANTED#this series which has more smut than the book I'm reading but has very compelling world building evocative writing interesting cast#meanwhile the author I'm reading might as well just say I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE WRITING THIS at points of the book and worse#they're upfront that this aesthetic in this book is inspired by a game and it's clear#they're taking for granted u know the aesthetic and barely describe anything#which is kind of a problem in contemporary romance a lot but there's times when the writer clearly has a vision and just doesn't communicate#anyway this is for no one I'm just right about to finish it after hoping every chapter it would be better#text posts#the thing is too i have played this game they're referencing and it's got nothing to do with the game except the setting/environment#but if i hadn't played that game i wonder how well i could picture it#they also didn't name another game that I'm pretty sure they took inspiration from#i know it's hard when you want to write a character that's smarter than you but over and over it's like why make her have a skillset#if you clearly aren't willing to do any of the bare minimum to make it seem like she actually has the skills or knows anything 😔#the forward on this book is literally like A/N: I didn't want to research anything for this book so i didn't#and since i said so you can't judge me!!!#yes i can.... it's only by the grace of the fact I'm reading this on a borrowed ku account and didn't pay for it that I'm not harsher lol
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TWELVE................
#12 year tumblrversary#tumblr milestone#this information confuses and vexes me#I made this blog when I was 14?? that's insane#I remember it pretty well too#I was a freshman in high school but already scheming to drop out and go to college early#(which I did btw. high school sucked & a little less than 1 year was all I could put up with)#I made an account here bc my friends from neopets all had one#and I kept it a secret from my parents bc they didn't want me having any social media#like 2 years in my mom discovered it and had me read my posts out loud to her. deeply embarrassing moment for everyone involved#it's fine tho she let me keep it lol#and I'm still here I suppose
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thinking about the time i got to chat with eric and melissa (and nathan) and melissa recognized my sailor moon tattoo in my zoom pfp and immediately starting singing the theme song. 🥺💗
#*and this is icarly!#the rookie#melissa o’neil#eric winter#nathan fillion#chenford#it was like 3 years ago during the lockdown and they did those chenford chats#honestly best 5 minutes of my life#the only reason i even made a zoom account lol#i always forget that melissa is from canada and likely grew up watching sailor moon as a kid#she was 6 years old when the first episode aired.....#iiiiiii... did not even exist yet#in fact i didn't know what sailor moon was till middle schoool#and when i did i fell in love with it and that's actually why i came to tumblr in the first place when i was 13#cause i didn't have any sailor moon friends and wanted some!!!! .... and somehow that led me to here#anyway....#i'm just getting emotional reminiscing about my love for sailor moon and combining it with my love for the rookie#i joined her at one point and eric and nathan were so confused aewrsdtghijkl#they were like 'what's happening right now??? do you know what's happening right now????' 😂😂😂😂#it's 4:30 am.....
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✨️
#ranntics#my mom hasn't really said anything about me being gay since I came out but I honestly thinks she resents it#she doesn't SAY anything but she also seems uncomfortable when it comes up#she's never expressed any problems with my relationship and she's polite to my fiancee when we visit#but like. idk. she didn't seem very enthusiastic when I told her I was engaged. and honestly I didn't expect her to be#but it was literally the reaction I'd expect her to have if my sister told her she was marryingnher boyfriend who my mom hates#but like. he's a convicted felon with a gun collection and my fiancee is an accountant and former athlete who did theater in college#she thinks my mom doesn't like her but I don't even think that's the problem I just think my mom doesn't want me to be gay#not in a forceful way and I don't think she even necessarily wants me to become straight or pretend I am#I think she's just disappointed that I'm gay in the first place#idk. around this time of year I see a lot of stuff about parents of lgbt kids at pride and shit and it's like#things with my mom could be much worse and I'm grateful to have the mom I have#I just wish she was proud of me and wasn't like. ashamed of my relationship.#idk. my period is probably going to start in like 15 minutes and this will all make more sense but I'm feeling rotten rn
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Sorry to start complaining but its my tumblr
#my friend cut me off for being mean to a guy she didn't even know#and said she hated how i treated ppl but she literally stalked his account to find his brother and post in our gc that hes hot#and proceeded to ask if he's bisexual#i was mean to him bc he kept standing me up so i said he can hangout now or im done talking to him#she was so mad at me for it too and ended a 6 year friendship ovr it#i cant help but to be upset she left and i started subconsciously blaming her#like she didn't know my dad was gonna die etc. but i was with her 24/7 when her family member died#I WAS WATCHING MY GRANDMA WHO HAD CANCER BTW.#like she didn't care at all abt me and it's so hard to face that while not having my dad#then i made a new friend and we talked for awhile but she cut me off randomly w/out any reason#and ive been crying over it#i just feel like i am an issue and problem#I have a horrible habit of only choosing one person to talk to and then facing the repercussions of it when they leave (isolated)#and i know it's my fault but i wish ppl told me what i did wrong or what i did to make them mad/uncomfortable/sad bc i can fix my behavior#but if they just leave it shows they didn't really want to be my friend and that's ok but#all i have is my husband and it gets so boring my life shouldn't revolve around him yet it does because I'm so inept at talking
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I hate adulting
#berry's babble#i just got a checking account and credit card a couple weeks ago#and the lady asked me if i'd like to put any money in the account right away and i said yes and told her the amount#and she didn't fucking put any money in it#so when i tried to use it in a store it didn't work and caused all sorts of worrying on me and my parents' part#and then i got some sort of mail today telling me i have $0 in my bank account and i'm just like#i know#it's because you didn't fucking put any in there when i asked you to#and the bank closes at 5 and i work 'til 6 so i can't even go over there until a fucking week from now because we're so busy#i didn't even want to get a checking account/debit card in the first place#but mom said it'd be good to have so i reluctantly agreed#why can't i just stick to cash#or like#can the world go back to bartering?#if things get any more complicated i'm giving up and stashing cash in my walls like some psycho old man
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#ohhhh puppy training would be going so much better if i didn't live with my mom#every day she complains to me that ouppy wont settle in his crate and keeps crying#and every night she drags me out of bed/stops me getting ready for bed to take him for a little walk#god forbid she does it herself. she has Important Things to do in the morning#never mind that his crate is in her room so she can't sleep until he's back anyway#and shes like 'why doesnt he settle its so annoying are you sure he doesnt have to pee what if he has secret baby trauma abt crates'#and i say no. none of the above. he keeps crying in his crate bc you consistently reward it.#he keeps crying bc things like attention and walks and treats are Very Rewarding and you have taught him that he gets these things by crying#why the fuck would he stop it literally always works out for him???#but ofc if i say any of this I'm simply not taking into account that this is difficult for her#because she has Important Things to do in the morning and she's Very Tired#and I'm exaggerating a bit here bc I'm angy and she does do way more shit than me and it IS fucking annoying#but I'm so completely out of sympathy bc she brought this on herself. our trainer told her how to make this stop and she is choosing not to
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Did a pull on my alternate Asia account and mama came home ;w;
#ooc // вacĸ тo тнe aвyѕѕ ≫ joυrnal enтrιeѕ: gнoѕт#( I love Yelan a lot okay )#( I already have Hu Tao on multiple accounts. )#( Yelan is wife. )#( I didn't have her on any of my accounts )#( I'm so happy I have her on at least one. Even tho it's a low AR account )#( I guess I'll work on it~ )
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a very select portion of personalities trigger my latent tsundere traits.
In reverse of the usual order, this feels all the worse if they are fictional.
#maybe because I am accustomed to acting against impulse with real people#so perhaps I channel away from my worst urges very rapidly with people- fast enough maybe that I rarely need to confront the impulse at all#but with fiction or any kind your reaction to them falls under your own scrutiny more maybe#hmmm you know what else I kind of wonder about too though is that maybe I get this feeling towards men I like more often than women.#I am attracted to more real women than fictional ones and way more fictional men than real ones#and I don't only have the TSundere Response for people I am attracted to— I was kind of tsundere with my cat but she was worse#but I feel like out of the personalities that bring this out in me there is some trend towards male.#women I typically have this overwhelming sense of 'ANYONE would feel this way; looking at her. listening to her'#whereas if i like a guy it's usu. like 'damn I hope I'm not the only one'#so the numbers may be being impacted by multiple sources#there was a very beautiful young woman in my highschool English class that I completely avoided for this reason#you know what's funny I have a horrible softspot bitchy women I pretend not to have#i know too much and won't get involved on any level with a mean person ... but man do I feel so permissive with a beautiful bitch 😂😂#I feel so indulgent to my soul anout things women do sometimes that I would NEVER put up with from a man for a second#and I always suppress this tendency but it is so pervasive#so anyway I'm not tsundere towards women mostly I think it's cute when they are#but boy oh boy am I not in to tsundere behavior in a dude.#this is what 'if you think I'm holding a woman with big brown eyes accountable for Anything you've got another thing coming' means to me#these are only trends not absolutes. I would never hold Tantai Jin accountable for anything so 😂 it's not entirely a gendered thing for me#But the person I think of most is Regina in Once Upon A Time#I was enamored from the moment she walked in as the rigid; bitchy; single-mom 'madam mayor'#oh man but she made me feel crazy. unhinged#and so so willing to let her do anything#i didn't want her to do evil I wanted her redeemed. but I just Loved it when she was a bitch#😍🫣#regarding the tsundere thing; there is a range possible of how much someone brings this to the surface for me#sometimes it's just a little. I still resent it at nearly full price.
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#tag talk#vent#wow okay so turns out my psychiatrist didn't ghost me she just put in the med refills without telling me#so I was waiting for her to message me back like a fucking idiot because expecting professional communication is apparently too much#I genuinely think I might cry I'm so fucking... not even mad. just incredibly let down#the autistic realization that you do in fact have to do everything yourself because you can't trust anyone to give you the support you need#you have to put in the extra work constantly just to survive because the environment is so incredibly hostile without even meaning to be#I didn't know I needed to check my prescriptions again. I didn't realize she would just add a refill without telling me.#the thought never crossed my mind. so I accepted my fate and experienced three weeks of hell#and I'm such a fucking doormat that the strongest word I could use to describe it to her was “interesting”.#I laughed and brushed it off like it was nothing because I was too afraid to say “I went through hell and you're responsible”#and I know my best option is to just suck it up and go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared to#I'm so fucking scared of going back on. getting it in my system. and then somehow getting cut off again#scared of relying on anything but myself because I know it'll just let me down again#I genuinely felt the worst I've ever felt. not just physically. my brain was on fire.#my brain was burning and all I knew to do was endure the pain without saying anything.#because I didn't know that I should follow up. I didn't know how to navigate the system. and I suffered for it.#self advocacy is so necessary but it's so fucking difficult and scary#and I laugh and joke and pretend to be this confident easy-going careless persona when I'm really not#I'm fucking terrified of bothering people or upsetting them.#I had a whole grand speech in my head about how I would hold her accountable for this mistake#and then the moment came and all I could do was laugh it off out of fear.#and all I can do is cry about it and feel like a fucking failure#I know I should go back on the meds but I'm so fucking scared I don't want to feel like that ever again#I lost who I was. I lost my sense of self. my body stopped working in any of the ways it's supposed to#I've only just now come out of emergency power mode and I'm terrified of it happening to me again#I've been sleeping a ton recently. I'll wake up really early in the morning and then work on going back to sleep#my body is a machine and I've learned the proper input codes to make myself go to sleep#but I'm back to depression napping for 12-16 hours. entering recovery mode and trying to fix the damage I've experienced#I keep having really bad nightmares though. I know I need the sleep so I put up with it but it sucks so fucking much
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one in the morning i am listening to slipping through my fingers on repeat and missing my mom really badly while also feeling upset with her and i don't think this combination will ever really leave me
#i havent seen my family in months and her dad just died and now she probably has covid too#and i know she misses me and i miss her so badly but i also miss the idea of having a mom you can tell everything too#like i will never have that relationship with her!! and that hurts!!#we've both hurt each other and i've done things i'm sorry for that i haven't apologized for#but i was a fifteen year old having a mental breakdown. she was the parent#i know she didn't know how to help me and no one did and i know blaming her for that is unfair#but i have never ever gotten anything like an apology for her not even trying until the cracks were so wide they showed#she's never said 'hey sorry you had a two year long depressive episode that must have really sucked' or anything like it#and she never will because she does not take accountability or apologize for things.#but she makes jokes about how moody i was or how i never wanted to talk to her during that time and it's like.#weren't you there?? didn't you see?? didn't you know?? did you even try to understand??#i'm sorry i was a moody 15 year old i was also so completely burnt out that all my energy went towards finding any joy i could#need to go back to therapy over the summer because i literally have SO much to discuss#my mom. my grandpa. adhd. new special interests. my cello teacher. the Creep. my actual life now. the list goes on#whatever this has become a tag ramble. maybe the way to get my mom to apologize is to watch ladybird with her#(if i did that i think one of us would burst into flames)#persannal
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over a year later, staring blankly ahead. oh wow i CAN distinguish the difference between what was me just being high. i did not fucking want her. i did not fucking want it.
#it was just high. i was too high to understand what was happening is as too high to not respond positively to positive stimuli!#i didn't want HER i like the feeling because i WAS HIGH and HUMAN i didn't#i know people have said this to me so many times but it feels like some grand lie that if they could see they'd see through me#but no i see it now. i see it.#i was drugged up she wasn't even good at it i didn't like what she was doing i was just high.#i liked it i wanted it. sure!BECAUSE I WAS HIGH#it was literally all just drugs#i wasn't even fully conscious when she started [redacted]#like she didn't even ask at that point#so even if you can try to hold me accountable for not trying to escape and instead engaging later#BECAUSE I WAS HIGH. i t felt good i didn't know what was happening!#THAT was rape at least. but let's be fucking real. if i'm that fucked up how do you define any of that as consensual#she raped me i need to be able to say it somewhere real because not being able to face it has ruined the last year of my life#damaged me in ways i cannot even put in words#like it really nearly killed me#and i don't want to die anymore. may have taken nearly a year but i want to get better#even if that means admitting she raped me.#personal#s.a
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