#i just feel like i am an issue and problem

[nepenthendline]

the not-so-good parts about dating them

a/n: I am nothing if not a red flag lover

includes: midoriya, todokori, bakugo, shinsou, kirishima, kaminari, iida, hawks, aizawa

Midoriya -

Midoriya's priority list is '1. everyone' so, sometimes, it's difficult to feel special in his eyes. It's not that he doesn't see you as a top priority, he just often lets himself get caught up with other people and dealing with their problems so you don't get his undivided attention all that often. He doesn't mean to do it at all, but he has missed dates before because he was staying late at work to help his students or got stuck helping out a friend.

Bakugo -

🤨 Aside from his obvious anger issues, Bakugo often struggles to see you as a team and not just individuals. Whenever you argue, he often sees it as a 'me vs you' and not a 'us vs the problem', and he sometimes makes big decisions without talking to you first. He feels like he has to be better than you because he needs to be a provider and a protector, so he tackles issues on his own instead of talking to you and working things through as a team.

Todoroki -

Todokori has no reference to what a 'healthy' relationship looks like, and it terrifies him. All he knows is what, or who, he doesn't want to end up like, and it stops him from taking initiative in your relationship because he's scared of doing the wrong thing. He knows he's not like his father, but he still worries that he's going to end up like him anyway, as if it's fated. Because of this, things move incredibly slowly, and it can be hard to tell that he does love you since he doesn't often make moves or use words to show you. He knows he wants, and needs, to improve though, he just needs some guidance.

Kaminari -

Kaminari struggles with self-sabotage in your relationship - he convinces himself that he's not good enough for you or that he's making your life worse by being with you, and can push you away, cancel dates late minute or act like he doesn't need you. These actions never last long before he snaps out of it, and you're well aware by now of what's going on in his head when he starts acting like this, but he's always convinced he's going to fuck this up. And sometimes, he believes it so much that he does. The guilt eats away at him daily.

Kirishima -

(Absolutely nothing) Kirishima hates showing you when he's feeling down, weak, or 'unmanly'. He bottles up a lot of his negative emotions and thoughts away from you and they gnaw away at him. Its not that he feels like he can't talk to you, in fact sometimes he lets things slip because he feels so comfortable around you, but quickly tries to put a positive spin on his words so that you don't worry. It's more that he feels he shouldn't, and that you have enough things to deal with as it is. He wants to be a safe space for you, so dealing with his emotions is out of the question. He never blows up at you because things get too far though, you just wish he could rely on you more.

Iida -

For the first while in your relationship, it almost felt like you lost your friendship with Iida. The lines between being friends and being a partner were extremely defined to Iida for some time, and he felt that every interaction between the two of you had to be so formally-relationshipy - this meant things such as only spending time with you on pre-scheduled dates, affection felt like ticking boxes on what was 'meant' to come next in a relationship, or not letting you see his deeper, darker times. Things do get better after some time and conversations, but it kinda felt like the first year of your relationship didn't really count.

Shinsou -

Shinsou feels like being with you is the most selfish act someone has ever committed. Sometimes he even thinks that, somehow in a way he doesn't know, he's forcing you to be with him. He feels like you can do so much better than him, but he loves you too much to let you go (not that you would anyway). He thinks that he doesnt treat you as well as you deserve and so he goes overboard to 'make things up to you', when in reality he's the most caring, selfless person you've met. He often brings up the idea of you finding someone else, or that you can cheat on him and he'll stay if that makes you happy, and it breaks your heart every time.

Aizawa -

Aizawa feels like everyone he truly lets in, he has lost, and he is terrified that's going to happen to you. So, he tries to keep his feelings and thoughts for you as surface-level as possible. The problem is that he's terrible at doing that - he has such a big heart and he wants you in every way imaginable, which creates a lot of inner conflict for him. One minute he's telling you everything weighing on his mind and letting himself fall deeper into you, and the next he's keeping you at arms length. He's scared to admit that he relies on you or that he needs you, but he does it anyway and it tears him apart inside.

Hawks -

He lies to you more times that he would like to admit. Well, it's more that he's very good about skirting around a question or situation rather than telling you the truth. There's some things in his life, his past, or his thoughts that he feels are best not being part of your life, and so he will tell you little lies and make adjustments to the truth to fit a narrative that he prefers. He wants to protect you from any negativity or darkness that he can - he knows what going through that feels like and he does not want you to have to feel that too, but mostly, and most selfishly, he's terrified of you thinking he's a bad person because of some actions he's had to take. It can be almost impossible to tell when he's lying or telling the truth because he's extremely open and upfront with other topics.

[hojichasunrise]

I'm suffering severe anxiety and burnout because of RTO. I would be thriving if this was remote or at least hybrid. Instead I am on the verge of death. And for what? RTO benefits no one and makes employees resentful and want to quit. Yet they keep mindlessly cramming RTO down our throats.

I hate my field and only went into it because it is remote capable. Now I am miserable in a cubicle on my phone killing time 5 hours a day because I only have 3 hours of work (and no one can honestly do actual work 8 hours a day, everyone is and always has screwed around to waste hours, because we are human and not labor robots.) My coworkers stand around and gossip about football 3 hours a day or more. They are never at their desks, they are always huddled up cooing over sportsball. And they are middle aged men. This is NOT me being lazy, it is simple reality. Imagine if they just admitted it and shortened the workday to 5 or 6 hours. Half our medical issues would disappear overnight from the abatement of stress and the ability to get sufficient sleep and exercise and time to cook to eat healthy. But no! We all have to play the 40 hour charade. Because that is what some asshole 100 years ago decided.

My work quality would be better and I wouldnt be getting in trouble if they just let me wfh. But they don't. I have so much anxiety and dread trying to force myself out the door in the morning that I often get in 10 min late, so I get reprimanded... But if they let me wfh I would be on time 100% of the time. So does punctuality matter or doesn't it? Everything is a 1 way street and like trying to reason with a brick wall. If punctuality really does matter let me wfh. If they don't concede that it feels hypocritical to punish me for a problem they caused and have the power to solve, but they won't give us this one single concession.

Benefits are gone, pay is crap--wfh was the only thing we had, and they took it away just to be petty and lord over us about how powerless we are. Employers are making work harder than it has to be and everyone suffers. Not to mention the recruiting process is god damned hell. Ghost jobs?!?!??! What psychopath comes up with that. These fucking employers need to be put against a wall. With all the other shit--unaffordable education, sky high insane job application requirements, insane competition with hundreds of applications for every job opening, garbage pay, slashed benefits, zero stability, hours creep from 9-5 to 8-5... what the fuck are they offering?

Now I can't even cry in the privacy of my own home, I am forced into a godforsaken miserable office.

Cost of living has doubled in 5 years and jobs respond by paying LESS. The same position pays less now than it did in 2015-2018. But rent is double. And now employers are actively colluding to suppress wages--in every industry. They are not even hiding it, they admit it. I am tired of being fucked over.

man FUCK work-life balance. work should not be this central to our lives. the idea that we're meant to perfectly balance equal parts Work and Everything Else is so so dismal

[theereina]

Let Me Talk

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC

Wordcount: +2.4K

Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, no smut, heavily dialogue-centered, anxiety mentioned, childhood trauma mentioned, angst, heartbreak, fluff, a smidge of dirty talk

A/N¹: This is a single one-shot with no planned sequels unless requested.🤨

A/N²: I'm open to critiques. I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by @theereina. Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.

Masterlist: 🔥🔥🔥

It had been four months since I had seen Terry. There was little to no contact besides short phone conversations and quick texts. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him. It was the little things that made it hard to forget him. The way he always smelled of sandalwood and musk. The way he held my hand when I was anxious. The way his smile lit up a room. The way every shirt he owned molded to his body like a glove. Ugh, I gotta stop.

I wanted nothing more than for him to return home to me, but pride got in the way. Not only for him but for me, too. We were equally as stubborn and stuck in our ways, unyielding to the love we shared. Being right somehow mattered more to each of us— more than a good morning kiss, a massage after a long day, the vows of our marriage.

Letting pride hinder our judgment, I told Terry to leave and not come back. Truthfully, I didn't want him to, I was just angry and tired of fighting. So, when he left without a fight, it reminded me too much of my abandonment trauma. Watching him walk out that door tore me apart. I was once again a five-year-old girl watching her father leave for the last time, never to return. The power Terry held over me in that moment was only a fraction of the hurt I felt. It was like the world around me shattered. With him, Terry took both light and love while I fell further into darkness more and more each day.

In other words, Terry and I couldn't comprehend that we could both be right even with two different perspectives. The basis of the problem as trifling as it seemed was an ugly nuanced one. Unfortunately, Terry was raised by his parents while I had to survive mine. This understanding is what caused the biggest fight we had ever had. No matter how much I explained it, Terry couldn't understand why I did things the way I did.

For context, I have had no contact with my family since I left home after college. I didn't talk to my sisters, brother, stepfather, and definitely not my mother. Terry's nurturing and supportive upbringing made him less receptive to the dysfunction that came with mine. He couldn't fathom not speaking to his family, let alone his mother, for years. So, when he brought up the idea of me reconnecting with them, it was a shock. The first time he asked I reminded him that I had my reasons— he only knew some. The second time I admired his persistence but still declined the offer. However, after the fifth or sixth time, I was fed up. I wanted him to understand how much these people collectively hurt and drained me. After days of explaining and retelling the story, he responded with annoyance— calling me childish and bitter.

Damn right, I was! I had taken care of every single one of them for years. I had put my health on the back burner to ensure they were good. I had stretched myself thin to the point of almost being hospitalized for a mental breakdown. No one other than my mom came, but we all know her true reason for coming— to save face. Considering she never believed or accepted my mental health issues, she just complained the whole time I was in the waiting room. This is the type of stuff I dealt with from them. This lack of care, kindness, appreciation, and love is why I left as soon as I was financially stable enough.

Even after talking about this for days, the only thing I was left with was a heavy heart and teary eyes. The more Terry pressed; the more distant I became. I didn't want it to get this far or this bad, but he wouldn't let it go. His mind was already made up. To him, family is family, and we should forgive them no matter what. Unfortunately, that wasn't and would never be my reality.

Present Day

“Caramel cookie butter iced coffee and a regular hot coffee for… Fallon!” yelled the barista from behind the counter. “That's me,” I said, facing the small woman. “Here you go. Enjoy,” she said, smiling and pushing the drinks toward me. I checked the sticker on the regular coffee to see if they remembered the two sugars. I picked up both drinks and searched for an empty table in the back of the coffee shop. I knew this conversation would result in both of us or at least me ugly crying.

I slid into a booth in the far back corner of the shop, facing the door. I knew that if it became too overwhelming for me, seeing the door would provide a certain level of relief— an exit or escape if needed. Immediately upon sitting, I began to remember some of the memories I and Terry shared here. This quickly became our favorite spot. Plus, it was right down the street from our shared home. Terry would come here almost every Monday and Friday morning to pick up my current favorite drink order. He called it a treat to start the week and a reward for finishing.

This is also the place where we had our first conversation about marriage. I can almost remember Terry's face when I told him I never thought about being married— until I met him. I didn't believe anyone could love me, especially a man of Terry's caliber. I felt like damaged goods that would never be good enough for him or anyone else. So, I never planned for that milestone. Terry's presence in my life felt like a reassuring message from God that I was loved and deserved it— properly.

Oh, God! Not me already crying, and he hasn't even made it. I quickly used one of the napkins to dab my eyes. Taking deep breaths and relaxing my shoulders, I tried my hardest not to get lost in my thoughts. I knew that once I let myself be sucked into that abysmal cycle I would be trapped there before even a word was spoken between us.

I leaned back into the booth, watching the door. Terry wasn't late; I was just extremely early. I needed to prepare myself as much as possible before seeing him.

10 minutes later

ding ding

“Good morning! Welcome to the Coffee Cabin,” yelled the woman from behind the counter. “Hey, good morning,” said a familiar voice. I knew exactly who this was yet my heart refused to settle down. I didn't know how my mind and body would react to seeing him face-to-face for the first time in months. My hands were sweating profusely. How the fuck was I going to make it through this?

“Pumpkin?” Terry said, sitting across from me. “Uh,… Hi,” I said struggling to breathe. “Hey, mama. Look at me. Fallon!” Terry said, leaning over the table and lifting my chin. I looked up to see Terry glaring back at me. Those striking green eyes expressed his concern. His eyes spoke before his mouth could. There was no need to voice his worry.

“Terry, please,” I said, holding his hand. “Don't do that. Just tell me what's wrong,” he said pulling my hand to his lips. “This! What the hell are we doing right now? It's like we aren't even married. I don't…” I rambled. “Pumpkin,” Terry said, trying to stop me. “We aren't living…” I continued. “Pumpkin,” Terry said, gripping my hand. “I don't know what to do with myself half the time. It's…,” I said. “Pumpkin, enough! Stop!” he cried out. I could sense his frustration with my rambling. I hadn't stopped talking since he sat down. “Terry, I'm just trying…,” I said trying to continue. “No. Stop it! This isn't how this was supposed to go. Let…me…talk,” he grunted.

I pulled my hand away and placed it back into my lap. I dropped my head in embarrassment. I hadn't even made it one minute before making a fool of myself. “Listen, I love you. I know you are feeling anxious right now. We both have a lot to say, and that's okay. But before we can continue, I need you to relax, love. Okay?” he said, caressing my cheek. I shook my head, looking back up at him. “I'm sorry. This is hard,” I said. “I know, mama. I know,” he said, wiping away a single fallen tear.

“C’mere,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me up from my seat. “Terry, I…!” I said, trying to pull away from him. “Nah, come to me, Pumpkin,” he said while wrapping his arms around me. It was as if life itself had started again. Terry's embrace broke me in the gentlest way possible. His body swallowed mine, providing me with the comfort I had been craving for months. I missed this man and everything about him.

“I'm sorry. I…,” I said, sniffling into Terry's chest. “Shhh, stop apologizing. I don't need you to apologize. I need you to let me— let me love you, let me take care of you, let me come home,” he said, tilting my chin up to meet his eyes. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I had never felt so much relief in my life. A single kiss had just washed away all the pain and guilt I had carried for these last four months.

“I don't know what to say. I had all these… these… speeches planned in my head. Just for me to remember nothing,” I said leaning further into Terry. “That's fine. Let me talk, you just listen. Turn your brain off for a minute and relax. Aight?” he said, releasing me from his hold. His hands held onto the sides of my face. He was awaiting an answer, but words were escaping me. Too many thoughts were fighting to claim power over my tongue.

“Turn it off, lil’ mama. Okay? Sit back down for me,” he said, gesturing towards my seat. His hand waved back towards the booth as I slid back in. Terry sat back down in front of me. He reached for my hands and pulled them towards him. It's insane how something as simple as Terry holding my hands made me feel lighter and calmer. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “There you go. Thank you, Pumpkin,” he said while stroking the back of my hands.

“Listen to me, okay? I should have never pressed you so hard about what was going on. Your boundaries were clear. I can see that now and wish I could have seen that then. These last four months have been absolute hell in the most silent way possible. I let my perspective overshadow yours when this was your experience— your reality, not mine. I won't sit here and lie to you like I'll ever understand how you feel. I won't. However, as your husband, it was my job to console you…. and… and care for you. I failed you at that moment. I don't deserve your immediate forgiveness, and I will do whatever you ask to receive it. I… uh… I left you to deal with all those emotions alone when it was my fault that you had to relive it in the first place. I was forcing you to see things my way because I thought I knew what was best for you based on my… my experience. You didn't deserve that. You deserved so much more than I gave you at that moment, and for that, I'm sorry. Sorry for how I handled the situation entirely. From this day forward, I promise to be a better man to you— a better husband. You deserve the world, mama. I love you more than life itself. Please, forgive me. Please,” he pleaded.

By this point, I was sobbing. I didn't need to say a word. I jumped up from my seat and ran around to Terry's side. There was nothing I wanted more than him— all of him. I sat in his lap and held his face in my hands. “Of course, I forgive you. I love you, too. I don't know what to say. Fuck… just… just kiss me already, papa,” I said, looking into Terry's eyes. They were the softest they had been in a while.

Terry’s urge was just as strong as mine as he pulled me in to kiss him on the lips. But, I needed more; so I used my tongue to part his lips. Terry's mouth opened, and I could feel his energy shift. The desire in him ignited like a flame. The yearning was mutually shared. His hands roamed wildly as teeth met tongue. Neither one of us cared that we were in public. Sharing breath and body, we became one again. With passion burning in our bellies, Terry pulled away first. I looked at him to be met with a pained gaze filled with a desperate hunger for something else.

“Pumpkin, I think we should leave. Um… the thoughts that are… uhh, shit… Woman the things I want to do to you have no business being viewed by the public eye,” he said, catching his breath. His chest rose and fell rapidly with every word. “Yeah?” I asked, stroking his ear and swallowing hard. My breathing was equally just as harsh.

Terry's gaze lingered over my body. “Yeah, we need to leave. Now!” he said, guiding me with his hands on my hips. “Did you drive or walk?” he asked, making me face him. “Walked,” I answered softly. “Okay. I drove. Unfortunately for you, you gettin’ in a car with me, and I can't promise to keep my hands to myself. Honestly, we probably not makin’ it home,” he said while leaning down to whisper in my ear. “Oh, fuck… Don't say stuff like that,” I said, clenching my thighs together. “You wanted honesty, mama. Hell, we should put that extended cab to good use for once,” Terry said, his lip curling up into the most sinful smirk. “You're nasty,” I said, hitting him in the chest. “Yea, and? You love it!” he said, pulling me into another kiss.

Taglist: @avoidthings @brattyfics @cocooned-butterfly @5headsupremacist @ariiijestertheklown

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[genderqueerdykes]

it’s unbelievably comforting to know that you’re therian/otherkin as a younger person who’s identified that way for years as well. people like you are ones i look up to for being my most authentic self and you remind me that it’s not a phase and i’m ALLOWED to be who and what i am ^_^

aww thank you! and hey of course, that's why i try to talk about it so often. i've identified as nonhuman since i was a child, but i've been a part of the online nonhuman community since 2010. i first joined the furry community as someone who genuinely identified as their sona, then the otherkin/therian/etc. communities when someone i followed on here came out as a dragon otherkin.

over the years we've realized a few nonhuman identities. we're not all one person so some of these will only apply to some, but we state that we collectively identify as a wolf, coyote, dog, & horse therian, and we have a lot of elf and dragon otherkin in our system, as well as other identities that are less common but important to the individuals who have them! many of us are undead, some are angels and demons.

i instantly became very involved in the community! i became staff on many different forums over the years and tried to help out when and where i could. i was very active under a lot of different usernames due to our DID, but i've tried to interact with others and help people understand that identifying as nonhuman isn't a bad, scary, or dangerous thing. it's not a problem. it's just how that person experiences their life and how they see themselves!

you're not doing anything wrong by identifying as a nonhuman. this belief is held across many cultures, all throughout human history. it's been well documented and recorded over the course of human history on every continent we've lived on and it's not going away any time soon. we are meant to be in nature. we are meant to be around other animals. humans ARE a species of animal- we are not above the animal kingdom, we are a part of it. it's only natural to relate to other animals.

you're perfectly fine being your authentic nonhuman self! i'm glad i can help you feel more comfortable in that. you are genuinely not harming anyone, that is a them problem if they have any issues with it. you are just being yourself! :) take care, stay safe, feel free to stop by again!

[maiseymiee]

Sorry for not being very productive lately... so in order to apologize here's an interaction between Amaine and Tamarack!!! This isn't so new to Tamarack since Amaine gets stress pretty easily!

This is when they first go to middle school, Amaine doesn't know how to communicate much and she only talks to the people she's familiar with, so it's a total challenge for her!

Her hair's end curls up whenever she's stress (sounds stereotyped lol) it's not really visible but people might notice that her hair got sharper.

(I am so sorry for all the Tamarack lovers because I'm not good at drawing chubby girls even though I love them, so maybe Tamarack looks weird here and for her sweater I just give up 😭😭)

Amaine actually has a lot more to talk about, she is currently hiding lots of things from her beloveds:

Amaine is terribly scared of adult man (Qiu's father for example), the reason is still unknown since she doesn't talk about it.

Amaine learns a lot, studies every night and sometimes you can find her chewing sugary sweets to keep herself awake.

She doesn't see her mama much, this leads to a problem in which Amaine stops sharing her doubts and issues to her mama so that she doesn't bother her or make her stress so she just keep all her thoughts and emotions to herself. (she'll snap if this keep going)

All the things that she does is all to benefits her mama and be able to get wealthy and let her mama rest, she is scared of the thought that if she doesn't learn, she'll just disappoint all the woman in her bloodline that gives up their talents and dreams for her to just end up like them. (She's pushing herself too much)

She envies Qiu and Baxter for their gender and their personality and also their life, she wishes she could be carefree and cool like them, having everyone in school admiring and also have a great life where their parents can relax and doesn't have to overwork themselves like her mama.

She currently feels affections towards Qiu, but it's not completely love since she doesn't understand affections between boys and girls. In contrast, she isn't hesitant to shows her affections around Tamarack since she's comfortable and loves Tamarack a lot, she also frequently hugs Tamarack and praises her beauty.

[cwicseolfor]

“I don’t notice, because I won’t” is a recognition of capacity in that context, not willingness.

Literally everything you “shouldn’t have to be told” was likely in fact told to you at an age young enough you don’t remember it.

But the post isn’t about chores. I’ll talk about chores for a bit here though:

In every romantic relationship I’ve been in (being a het woman, this means men) I am the clean one by far and the tidy one only sometimes, and even then by half an inch.

In several roommate situations I’ve been all over the board. The tidy one, the walking tornado. The clean one, the careless one (not reliably mapped to the same venn diagram of people!)

I say this to lay out that I’m very familiar with unequal division of housekeeping. I’m a straight woman. None of the men I’ve dated realized sinks and toilets and mirrors don’t just magically stay shiny and floors stay un-hairy without being taught so - by me. (But none of us who didn’t have to be reparented by our partners just came out of the womb knowing, either - we just had the lesson laid out earlier in life by someone else!)

“Noticing” is predicated on the idea that there exists a known and shared standard to adhere to and those standards are not in fact universal. Especially that first example given - “I left my wallet on the table to see if you would notice” - there are people to whom this is the obvious place to leave a wallet. There are people for whom doing such a thing is anarchy, everything needs to be in a dedicated container at all times. And both of those people likely have reasons unrelated to the division of chores! It took active effort for me to even comprehend this explicit example when I first read it - my first thought was worrying they left it on the table at a restaurant or similar, the implicit question being not “did you see me being Untidy?” but “are you looking out for me?”

The problem the OP is describing is ask culture vs. guess culture, in which ask culture accommodates a wider variety of social standards and expectations (“mud people” and “dirt people”) and guess culture demands people have internalized, or have the innate social skill to intuit (even with deliberate and concentrated effort), the (highly cultural and local and arbitrary) standard to which they are expected to conform. When you have a high degree of heterogeneity in society - diversity, whether cultural or neurotype - you MUST ENGAGE A DEGREE OF ASK CULTURE to get results without social disharmony.

So again, it’s not about (just) chores, which are merely a really easy example to pull in addressing this issue because they are tangible and visible (…at least to some people.) But many of the examples OP gave are not household duties, they are relational ones centered around preferences and needs.

Only 1 and 3 are directly about chores.

2. “I’d like you to ask me how I’m doing more often.” 4. “I feel like the onus is on me to initiate X, and it’s wearing me down. Could you try making the first move more? Like 3-4 times a week?” 5. “I’m feeling upset right now and I’d like to spend some more time with you.” These strike me as pretty explicitly and solely relational, and though I suppose it’s conceivable that one could “make the first move” on cooking dinner, it’s become something of a fixed expression about sex. These are about what A and B find personally meaningful as modes of emotional relation.

7. “I’m feeling neglected, could you do X?” could mean “perform a housekeeping labor for me” but just as easily “could you give me a hug/ put down your book and go for a walk with me/ tell me what is going on at work or school that seems to be troubling you/ look me in the eyes more often.” 9. “I feel like I’m the only one putting effort into X” might be the kid’s tutoring or the hedgeclipping, but it could just as easily be “household water usage,” or “talking about our hopes and dreams instead of day to day matters or entertainment.” Ditto for 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, and quite possibly 14. They’re about differential values and priorities and might not be anything alike, or even register as values to different people.

The idea that “some things shouldn’t have to be told” cannot exist without a shared cultural context and agreement not only on values but underlying circumstances, and resultant beliefs and knowledge about the world. How long can an infant be in a stroller unattended outside a cafe? Is that rag hanging in the kitchen for drying clean hands, or wiping up the floor? How long are eggs safe to eat if left out at room temperature?

This matters a great deal because it is entirely possible for reasonable, kind, considerate people with totally normal interpersonal people-reading skills to be putting in conscious effort toward the others’ comfort and still have zero idea whatsoever that others’ orthogonal priorities even exist. And no amount of intention makes everyone else’s motives accurately legible to an observer with a different cultural or personal context.

(Children in parts of Europe are routinely left to sleep outdoors unattended in all weather, possibly a holdover from the days when all indoor heat came from smoky combustion - unlike adults, babies don’t need their hands free for labor and can be warmly swaddled - so a few hours while the parents have lunch is nothing, whereas in the US and many other places child protective services would be called and most likely immediately separate the child from a perceived dangerously negligent family. Washing cleaning rags every single time they’re used would be onerous where mechanical laundry is not available in the home, so the dirtiest cleaning rags in some cultures are hung up between uses at eye height - to keep them out of reach of children. Eggs in the US are washed of their protective pellicle and thus must be refrigerated for storage within hours, unlike the week or so expected shelf life at room temperature elsewhere.)

Obvious cultural variations are easy. If I have enough context to know there’s such a thing as unlucky gifts, I can look up information and learn that I should not pool my team to give my Chinese boss a watch for their retirement. But I would more likely have to be told, however, that it would be intensely rude to make direct and ongoing eye contact with my Iranian roomate’s visiting father if he is addressing me - because my culture says that eye contact shows deferential respect, and until I have been in another culture with a significantly different expectation, I have no way of intuiting that it’s not a human universal standard before fucking it up. It’s arbitrary.

A lot of other cultural variations are more subtle. I was stunned to learn that it isn’t bog-standard basically everywhere to feed children visiting your home during mealtime (and without even asking the parents first.) I’m from the South. Apparently there are parts of the States where this would be considered rude because it might spoil the kid’s dinner when they get home. Traveling elsewhere in the country as a tween, occupying the role of quasi-babysitter as the oldest child at a gathering, a woman called us to the kitchen for popsicles of choice but was unable to hide her surprise when I too, going last, specified the kind I wanted - mistakenly assuming she had meant to include me - and I immediately felt terrible for having asked for hospitality when I thought I was merely receiving it.

Likewise I picked up the habit of wearing no shoes in the house from living in urban, Chinese culture for a while - but in more rurally-influenced local US Southern culture this is not something I’d expect others to do unless I discussed it with them (even though it has very practical effects on the amount of indoor cleaning I end up doing.) To them, me taking my shoes off would be a choice about comfort, not sanitation, especially if I had been wearing heels. They’d notice my doing it, but the why is invisible - and they’d not necessarily infer they should do likewise.

Neurotypes and psychology are a whole other thing and really do manifest most often in chores on the less extreme spectrum of difference - I mentioned above I’m often the clean one. Reusing an unwashed dish hours later gives me anxiety - if there was a fly in the house, it could have been waltzing over that cup rim immediately after a visit to the kitchen sink drain, ew ew ew ew ew. But to other people that’s normal and my habit of putting their “dirty” dishes in the washer when I saw them unused was making them nuts - I’d moved their cup, again! And I only thought I was helping! They went on in ambiguously passive-aggressive annoyance for months before finally mentioning - on seeing me do it in front of them, and that it wasn’t some nefarious cup-theft side-hustle - that they’d meant to leave the cup on the stove for reuse, which is to say that they had a different expectation than I do.

Conversely I’ve also had friends horrified I don’t do the dishes immediately after a meal no matter what. Until I negotiated this - out loud, with words - with one roommate they essentially assumed I was leaving it in the sink for them to do, when my preference is to do it in the morning after when a party runs late.

But it’s also come up that one person’s “hanging out” in parallel play is another person’s idea of getting the silent treatment. Dedicated attention and concerned questions, or scrutiny and interrogation? Romantic planned evening or overly-regimented itinerary? Blessedly open vacation schedule or secret demand to be entertained? Spontaneous suggestion or terrifying change of plans? These don’t overlap in the ways you might imagine, either.

The ways that people can inhabit the same space or interact with each other are as infinitely variable as the people. Assuming that everyone else is coming from the same context, with the same needs, expecting you to overfunction to fill them without bringing it up to check is unfair.

Relationships have to be negotiated and will not always map to anything you’ve experienced before. Respect takes a thousand different forms, because needs do. Ask. If things aren’t addressed after asking, then you have a right to be aggrieved, but not on point of projecting specifics and assuming motives. You can choose that you don’t want to associate with someone who doesn’t share your expected common ground, but that doesn’t make them lazy, selfish, or invalid.

I hate that thing some people do where it's like. "I left my wallet on the table to see if you'd say anything" or "I wanted to see if you'd wash the car if I stopped doing it"

Cause like

I dont know about anyone else

But I am perpetually hovering three inches above the strong subconscious belief that everyone knows what they're doing at all times except me, so if you change your normal patterns and I notice, then I will assume it is an intentional choice with a thought-out plan behind it and I will avoid interfering

And if I don't notice, because I won't, because why would I, because not much bothers me and if you don't say anything to indicate you are bothered then how would I KNOW

[certifiedsexed]

hi there! this isn’t about sex itself, but since periods are usually a part of sex ed and i’ve literally just been woken up because the cramps were bad enough, i thought i would ask — is it normal to be in a lot of pain when you’re on your period?

context: i still live with my abusive parents, who don’t let me take any kind of pain medication after a suicide attempt at thirteen, so i know that this problem might just be that i need to take a strong painkiller. also the pain doesn’t ever last more than three days? like the first three days (and sometimes the days leading up to it) of my period are always hell but then it’s fine, i have no pain afterwards.

but the problem is that the pain is… bad. like being woken up in the middle of the night because my sides hurt and my legs hurt isn’t uncommon, and there’s this weird thing where i’m scared to use the toilet during these first three days because it makes my butt and my sides hurt so much that i genuinely can’t move and have to bite myself to stop myself from screaming. sometimes i’ll be in so much pain, usually in my sides but also sometimes in my stomach or legs or my butt, that i can’t even move, so i just kind of… have to lie pressed into my bed and hold my breath.

my mother has always just told me that she had worse pain when she still used to get her period, and that i’d be completely fine if i just listened to her and used a hot water bottle (i have poor circulation, so hot/cold stuff just doesn’t really feel great for me usually), and i’ve always just kind of accepted that. i know it’s common for people who get periods to talk about how painful things like cramps are, but i genuinely usually feel so miserable for the first couple days of my period that if i don’t need to get out my bed, i literally won’t at all.

i’m just wondering… is everyone who gets periods in as much pain as i usually am, at least for the first couple days? or, since i know that people experience periods differently, are people in more/less pain than i am but it’s fine since this isn’t that bad and i should just take medication each month for it? idk, but ever since i started to get periods they’ve genuinely always made me feel so so bleak and in agony, and i’m someone i’d consider who has a maybe above ‘average’ pain tolerance (i have chronic back pain, migraines, and health issues that make it easy for me to sprain/fracture my ankles which i’ve unironically managed to do about eight times in the past two years — again, unfortunately all of this with mostly no painkillers unless i can get them from the school first aid box), so i just… don’t know anymore, but i thought it couldn’t hurt to ask.

anyways, unrelated but i really do love this blog — the reblogs are always good things to read as someone who’s still unpacking being raised by very puritanical parents, and the asks always offer good advice too, very empathetically in a way that sometimes catches me off guard (there was one post on here that was something about how the asker’s father would belittle them and i think your reply said something like ‘it’s not your fault and nothing’s wrong with that aspect of you’… which i know sounds obvious but that was something that i don’t think had ever been obvious to me ever since my father started doing the same when i was younger. it was really comforting to hear, is what i mean, and your replies often are. so thank you for that! and for the time + energy i can imagine it takes to run this, you post/rb so often!)

Hi! This is absolutely a sex ed question, you're right!

So, first, let me make one thing clear: no! You are not supposed to be in this level of pain on your period. Some pain is understandable but once it gets to the point it's bad/debilitating in Any fashion, something is going wrong.

But I also want to say, being in an abusive living situation can fuck up your periods. And so can being restricted from pain relief, which-just in case you're not aware-is another type of abuse.

But what you're talking about sounds like more than just a lack of basic pain relief. That's very disabling, even if it doesn't last long. It may be that intense reactions to periods run in your family [especially since your mother mentioned experiencing something similar] but that's still something you should be getting something like specialized pain meds for or even stopping your periods altogether.

What you're talking about, especially on top of an abusive living situation, is very unhealthy for you to have to deal with.

Not everyone is in that much pain. Some people are but that's a medical condition. It's a disability! What you're talking about is a disability. It can be caused by PMS or endometriosis or PMDD or it could even be connected to whatever causes your other chronic pain but it's still very much something your parents should be getting you checked out for.

Even if your mother had the exact same pain on her period, that doesn't mean you should have to suffer through it, especially not with her revoking your access to basic pain relief. That's all completely unacceptable and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

I'm not sure how helpful this is but I hope it's at least good to know the pain levels you're dealing with are unacceptable and Not "normal" period pain.

Also I'm so glad you're learning and enjoying the blog, especially the advice. I also grew up in an abusive household so to hear it's helping someone else in a similar situation means the world to me, fr. 💕 Sending love, Anon. <3

[seekingxanadu]

On the issue of Alfred being a bad dad to Bruce, of Alfred enabling Bruce's bad behaviors:

I think the problem is modern Batman writers made the mistake of making Alfred a father figure to Bruce. An elderly employee can call his much younger perhaps-about-to-die employer "son" but that doesn't make them father and son. So when they get cute with the "aw Alfred is Bruce's papa" narrative, they end up making Alfred's character worse. Alfred's most consistent take has been that he is an employee and it is most visible with or around his interactions with Dick. Alfred seems to think of Dick as Bruce's employee. Again, it is a mentality from the 30s-40s when it was very natural for rich men to collect strays - I'll give you room and board, you will earn your keep by working in my land/business; to Alfred, Dick becoming Robin was to support Bruce's Batman in the field.

But modern Batman writers have woobified Bruce. He's not just the 35-40 year old wealthy businessman, scion of an old wealthy family, who has collected vulnerable youngsters around him and offered them a safe place. In the 30s and 40s, a 35-40 year old man was expected to be mature and a familyman. In the 90s and after, a 35-40 year old wealthy man isn't expected to be that anymore. Then again, it was the period that started to de-age Bruce. Because Dick, his first ward, was already an adult now.

So DC needed to make Batman younger and at least, deflect the idea of Bruce being a parental figure to a 20 year old man. So we started getting Alfred being Papa to Bruce, of Bruce and Alfred forming a family unit blurring lines of parent and employee. BUT Bruce was also the vanity projection of these Batman writers - they don't listen to their papas, so why would Bruce. Bruce was not Alfred's son, Alfred should know his place as employee. So we get Alfred written as just loyal employee who looks at Batman's allies as people serving Bruce. If Jason gets "a good soldier" plaque, Tim and Damian got Robin suits to just go backup Master Bruce already. And Dick?

Dick is a curious case with Alfred. Alfred clearly cares for Dick like a son. There is more familial closeness between Dick and Alfred than between Jason, Tim, and Alfred. Alfred has known Dick since he came to the manor as an 8 year old. It's a boy Alfred can claim to have raised- or at least, fed, cleaned, housed, medicated. Alfred knows Dick has Master Bruce's back in the field. In this regard, Dick is Alfred's extension. Alfred serves Master Bruce in his civilian life, Dick serves Master Bruce in the field. To be clear, I am assuming Alfred's thought process. Not Bruce's or Dick's. Sometimes, it feels like Alfred considers Dick another Wayne servant, equal to Alfred's rank.

All this rambling to say, I think Alfred is used as excuse to limit any blame that Bruce deserves for his bad decisions.

Just like some writers and stans make Dick apologise for Bruce's violence against him; we are now using Alfred as smokescreen to excuse Bruce's actions.

I am, by no stretch, saying Alfred is blameless. But Alfred is an employee, an old man probably very possessive of the Wayne scion who had only Alfred along during his growing years, and he is standoffish as any butler.

This is also why the idea of Bat "family" is so flawed. They are not a family. They are a clan of allies. They are a disparate set of individuals operating under the Wayne umbrella. Alfred is not Bruce's papa. Dick and Jason are not brothers. Their time in Wayne manor did not even overlap. Same with Damian and Jason, Damian and Tim. Damian and Dick mirror Dick and Bruce of 20 years ago and those two dynamics are that of a familial unit (though Bruce breaks the tie with Dick multiple times).

[silvaurum]

yall are clearly having two+ very different conversations. op is correct tho. it is extremely fucking irritating to tell someone 'hey that hurt me' or 'hey that hurts people' and for them to respond 'how dare you say i'm capable of hurting people?!?!'

yeah 'oppressor' is loaded and has moral weight, because oppression holds moral weight, because oppression, the structural force, is bad. and generally people who are trying to say 'hey that hurt me' are not going to call you an oppressor directly, but even if they do, maybe address the hurt first and complain about the exact wording later.

there IS a conversation you could have about language here. 'part of a class that reaps privileges from the existing structure of society, whether they want to have those privileges or not' -> 'part of a class that has structural power over another class, whether they want to or not' -> 'part of a class that oppresses another class' -> 'oppressor class'. these are all equivalent in literal meaning, but feel very different. it gets condensed for efficiency and loses some nuance.

and then yes people are going to react defensively when they feel you've implied they are inherently oppressive and immoral. sure. i wish people would take a deep breath when that happens so they could stop taking statements about our current social positions as an inherent personal fault, because it's all arbitrary, no one chose whether we were born into a class like "in the global north".

the main issue is that it's a pain in the fucking ass to tiptoe around the structure of society and word everything perfectly delicately when I've just been hurt in a very predictable way and am reacting "ow! hey!"

that is also the entire issue with 'guilt' when we talk about oppression. it's not that guilt is a "bad" feeling that you shouldn't feel 🙄. it's that your reaction to your feeling guilty is not always helpful in the specific moment when you're being told you hurt someone. it's fucking irritating to tell someone 'hey that hurt me' and for them to respond 'oh my god im so sorry can i hate myself for you? i'm so terrible let me tell everyone how terrible i am' and take up all the air in the room with a self-hate spiral, so that regardless the original issue of you getting hurt is now minimized.

it's okay to feel guilty, it's totally neutral. it's the actions of public self hatred which turns the focus away from fixing the problem. soothing the feelings of the person who has benefited from an oppressive social structure, even without their consent, still matters… but it should come well after helping the people who are still being hurt by that structure and would like it to be acknowledged.

and thus op. i wish we could collectively stop taking it personally for five seconds when someone says "ow! hey!" so we can say "oh sorry, that was wrong, i'll be more careful".

+ taking the definition of oppressor class from colloquial twitter-ese is silly, man. its not even 'shallow' analysis it's looking at the name of a theory and extrapolating from there. these people think gaslighting is when you disagree about what happened + people who are oppressed talking amongst themselves are not going to word everything in perfectly neutral political theory terms, especially when we're either being hurt or trying to heal from being hurt + 'socialized male' person does not have any serious political analysis to offer, this is just a terf throwing words at the wall + "Oppressors can cry until next week, choke, or burn in hell for all I’ll ever care." this is not directed at you and it is not a literal political stance that anyone genuinely has. this is an expression of frustration. you taking it literally and personally looks ridiculous. this is a hammer car explosion post

lot of people take the idea they might be an oppressor like it's some kind of curse or marks them or makes them fundamentally irredeemable.

this means whenever someone suggests they might have structural power over some group, rather than being normal about it and going "oh yeah i should be mindful of how i act so i don't abuse that," they take it as a personal attack, and either jump to defending themselves by denying it, or start lashing out.

this makes 99.99999% of all conversations on this website completely fucking unbearable.

[chemblrish]

That my mental health has been acting up lately is obvious and everyone around me can see it; but I think it's a bit of a self-perpetuating process: I obsess over my academic performance which pokes my depression with a short stick which in turn smashes my self-esteem with its paw and makes me spiral further down my obsessive hole.

See, I used to be that brilliant child who had to do very little to always be on top without even aiming for it. Actually, I found school boring. I was bored. Everything was easy and obvious, c'mon, why are we spending so much time going over this? How come no one else has grasped this yet? But now I'm in uni and I have to work extremely hard to maintain a steady average grade - worse, sometimes I do my definite best, give something my 100% and still get a low grade. I need you to just believe me that it feels like a tragedy every single time.

So I get obsessive, in my head I go, okay so I'm still in the top 10% of my cohort. Is the top 10% even good? I genuinely don't know, maybe everybody thinks it's pathetic and nowhere near good enough. And what if I lose my spot? Look at X, look at Y, they've been doing great lately, I bet soon they're going to take me over, and what am I going to do then? God my professors have to think I'm so fucking stupid, why couldn't I get an A on that test?

One of my friends says I'm whining, she says she wishes she had my grades. She doesn't understand I've been trained like a dog to consider everything below the best, the first to be unacceptable and proof of my worthlessness. My other friend, who continuously ranks one spot above me, tries to call me smart and it feels like she's mocking me.

I can identify the root of the problem all right. That's easy. My whole sense of identity revolves around my academic achievements. I look at little Lena, point my finger, say, "that's a high achiever right there." It's what everybody in my life has been doing since always. Lena the High Achiever. Lena the Future Doctor, Lawyer, Scientist, Queen of the Morherfucking Universe. But if I look at my current self and can't call myself a high achiever then what even am I? I've only been one thing my whole life and if I'm not that thing anymore then I am nothing at all. I can only be brilliant or a piece of trash. Do you see where I'm coming from?

The difficult part is finding a remedy. Placing my sense of self elsewhere. Yes, I do wish people would appreciate me, that they'd compliment my intellect genuinely, but that wouldn't be enough to solve this issue. I need to coin a definition of me that doesn't include my current average grade, one that's something more helpful than "Lena, rank three in her cohort, terrified of falling behind."

But if I make up a definition of me from scratch, all by myself, then how do I know what I really am? What if I start to feel so good about myself I stop worrying about whether I'm "smart enough" or not, decide to pursue another degree for example, and painfully realize I've been stupid all along?

There's a piece missing in my reasoning. I don't have a conclusion (yet?).

[dinarosie]

hi i am actually very interested in the fact that you are "anti-marauders" because i have a strong feeling you've never actually had a conversation with a (real, not tik-tokified) marauders fan. i don't particularly "hate" snape, but i do NOT think he's a good person. i have a lot of similar nuanced feeling pertaining to peter, and i will admit that james and sirius are often childish and did bully snape. i've decided to reread half-blood prince, and rewatch the movie, so i can have a real conversation of my opinion on snape, and i will send in another ask later.

also, sectumsemprus (is that it?) is his SIGNATURE spell- for reference, voldemort's signature spell is avada kedavra, and harry's is probably expelliarmus. do you know how many times you have to use a spell for it to become your signature spell?

Hi there! Thanks for reaching out.

First, I want to clarify that I use anti-Marauders tags not because I created this blog solely to spread hate against them or to harass their fans, but because it’s a general Tumblr rule. For nearly any post criticizing a character, you’re expected to use anti tags, as fans of that character might not want to see critical posts about their favorite. This ensures fans who may not want to see criticism of their favorite characters can filter or avoid it if they choose.

Now, you mentioned that I probably haven’t talked to a “real” Marauders fan, which is why I have anti-Marauders posts. But honestly, I don’t think all fans of the Marauders share the same views, nor is it possible to talk to every fan before making a post. I see a lot of anti-Snape content daily—much of it from Marauders fans—and often get an idea for a post that I decide to share. I imagine most bloggers do this; it’s part of engaging with fandoms online. I try to offer thoughtful critiques when possible, but that does take time. Sometimes, seeing particularly harsh, illogical, or double-standard comments pushes me to post a short, sarcastic response—one that mirrors the style of some of the content I encounter.

Overall, I wouldn’t call myself “anti All of Marauder fans.” Yes, I use terms like “Marauders fans” and “anti-Marauders” tags, but my issue is only with fans who unreasonably hate Snape and mock him (even for things like his background) or who attack Snape supporters, labeling them with hurtful terms simply for supporting him. Outside of those specific cases, I have no problem with other fans.

As for your question about Sectumsempra, I understand you’re suggesting it became Snape’s “signature” spell through frequent, harmful use. I looked up the reference you mentioned, and here’s the passage from Deathly Hallows where Lupin speaks of Sectumsempra:

“He lost his hood during the chase. Sectumsempra was always a specialty of Snape’s. I wish I could say I’d paid him back in kind, but it was all I could do to keep George on the broom after he was injured, he was losing so much blood.”

It’s worth noting the term Lupin uses here: specialty, not signature. Sectumsempra first appears in Half-Blood Prince as an unknown spell by an unnamed creator. After Harry uses it on Malfoy, it’s still an unfamiliar spell until Snape admits to creating it at the end of the book. But in Deathly Hallows, right after the Battle of the Seven Potters, Sectumsempra becomes widely associated with Snape (via Lupin’s words).

While in Half-Blood Prince the goal is to keep the creator of this spell anonymous, in Deathly Hallows it’s crucial to know exactly who used Sectumsempra during the Battle of the Seven Potters. The inconsistency here seems intentional. The author isn’t referencing Sectumsempra’s notoriety here to highlight Snape’s past; rather, I believe she brings it up as an important clue about the future. This clue gains significance after we view Snape’s memories, especially after reading Dumbledore’s line to him just before the Battle of the Seven Potters:

And Severus, if you are forced to take part in the chase, be sure to act your part convincingly… I am counting upon you to remain in Lord Voldemort’s good books as long as possible, or Hogwarts will be left to the mercy of the Carrows..."

But in THE PRINCE’S TALE, we see that Snape defies Dumbledore’s advice—he steps out of his role as a Death Eater and targets another Death Eater with a spell that’s highly conspicuous, one that could jeopardize his cover. (If successful, and had it hit another Death Eater, they would have immediately recognized the spell as Snape’s own.) So why would Snape make such an irrational choice? Why take such a risk? To save the life of Remus Lupin.

This scene is one of many that show Snape’s growth and commitment to doing the right thing—not out of loyalty to Lily, not for Dumbledore, nor for any personal reward.( And that's exactly why, in the chapter where Snape's true loyalty and the real story behind him are finally revealed, this spell and its backstory are brought up.) As he admitted in his iconic line to Dumbledore, he had grown weary of watching lives be lost when he had the power to save them. Whether it’s an old bully, Lucius and Narcissa’s son, or James and Lily’s, Snape steps in without hesitation to protect a life—even if it endangers his own

Another reason I don’t believe the author’s aim here is to highlight Snape’s crimes as a Death Eater is that there are numerous scenes throughout the series discussing Snape’s actions during that time. Yet, we never see any indication or hint from the author that Snape committed serious harm or atrocities while serving as a Death Eater. In fact, in his argument with Bellatrix, it’s mentioned that Snape actively tried to avoid participating in missions. During his planning conversations with Dumbledore, we’re also told that his soul has never been tainted by murder. And in Karkaroff’s trial, there’s no crime or accusation he can use against Snape.

[lfcgirlie866]

The Girl Who Broke A Million Hearts ~ Jude Bellingham x oc

Ok so you guys really surprised me by voting for this fic the most in the poll! I was expecting this to be the least popular option tbh, and I feel like it's really badly written 😭 I apologise in advance if it is!

Summary: 'I know the baby in your belly isn't mine, but if you let me, then I'll love her like she is'

Tropes: Childhood friends, not realising their feelings until it's (maybe) too late, pregnancy, found family

Warnings: fmc mentions death of a parent, there may be smut eventually in the story but idk yet

Prologue

As I sit outside in the mild Spanish night air, looking out across the horizon, I simultaneously wish for the darkness to end and also for the day to never come. The light means I won't be left alone with my thoughts anymore, but it also means that I have to leave Madrid behind and book a flight back to England. It means I have to leave Jude and face up to what a disaster my life has become in the last week.

How could it have all gone so wrong so quickly?

Last week, I was engaged to the man I thought I would be with forever, six months pregnant with his baby, too. I thought I knew where my life was going.

Now I'm just pregnant and alone. I don't have a home to go back to. No family. Nothing. No one.

I'm slowly spiralling, worrying about what the hell I'm supposed to do next and regretting almost every decision I've ever made.

You're a failure, Sapphy. Your mum would be so disappointed in you, I think to myself, trying to hold back a sob. You're a loser. You're too weak to do what she did and raise a baby alone.

Maybe I should just suck it up and go back to my ex, Aiden. Give in and do what he wanted me to; Move halfway across the world with him. At least then I'd have a home again

But you wouldn't be happy, Saph. Not there, and not with him. Not after everything that's happened. After what he said...

'You'd do it for him, though. Wouldn't you?'

And the answer has been plaguing my thoughts ever since.

"Jeeze, Saph. It's almost 4AM. What 'er you doing out here?"

Jude's familiar voice startles me out of my thoughts, almost like I'd summoned him here with them. I turn around and drink him in. Lit only by the lights in the pool beside me, he looks just as beautiful as he always does as he walks over to where I'm sitting, and my stomach twists and turns at the mix of emotions he churns up.

Jude Bellingham. The boy I've known since he was eight, the one I grew up alongside of, the one who I watched become a world-class footballer right before my eyes. He is quite possibly the sweetest human on this planet, and I'll never, ever forget the truly heartfelt words he spoke at my mum's funeral. He means everything to me, but he's always just been a friend. Always. There was never a time when it could have been more. At least, it never crossed my mind at the time anyway.

But since Aiden said those words to me, I can't help looking at Jude differently. I wish I could stop, but now that I've seen the light, I don't think I can ever go back.

When his brother called me and asked if I wanted to fly out and watch Jude's game yesterday, I didn't hesitate. I jumped on that plane and then screamed my heart out watching him play. I forgot all the bad stuff for a while, but being in his home just brought it all back and I started drowning in my thoughts again.

"Jobe said he was worried about you yesterday. Now I am too, Saph." He says quietly, his fingers lightly stroking down my back, making me shiver.

I should tell him what's happened. I know I should, but at the same time, how can I?

He's THE Jude Bellingham. He's on top of the fucking world right now. I can't drag him down from that. I can't burden him with my own issues. These are my problems, I'm the one who has to deal with them. And, if I tell him I left my fiancé then he's going to want to know why. I'd have to tell him that I've become one of those girls, someone I never ever wanted to be; Just one of the millions who've fallen for him.

Some kind of dam shatters inside of me and as hard as I try, I can't hold it all back any longer. The story comes pouring out with a mixture of sobs and tears as he holds me tightly in his arms.

But there's one thing I don't mention: the fact that I might now have feelings for him, and maybe I always have done.

~~~~♡♡♡♡~~~~☆☆☆☆~~~~♡♡♡♡~~~~

A/n: Ahhh I'm so scared to see what you guys think of this 🫣 This is definitely just an introduction and the story will go back and explain how they met/ became friends etc etc.

If you're interested in reading more then please let me know ❤️

[bondagebimbo]

oh my god SHUT UP

you’re not spreading ‘awareness’ about shit when you take away from the original issue posted about a platform wide problem, and add your own stupid little personal problem to the post and act like you’re doing something

go pretend to pat yourself on the fucking back for ‘helping’ elsewhere as if you and your, what? 100-200 followers max blog, which is probably a following made up of 98% bots that you haven’t noticed yet? think you’re doing something? LMAOOOO, what a fucking joke.

and don’t put words in my fucking mouth because you seem to think you’re making a point here by doing so when you’re just proving the fact that I’m right. because, also, when did I ever once say it was okay to take and repost ANYONE’S content. please. feel free to screenshot that bit and highlight it for me so I understand explicitly where I said that and not where you decided to pull some fuck shit and make it seem like I did, in another reblog. I’ll be waiting because I’M LITERALLY A FUCKING SEX WORKER so why would I fucking say that ????LMAO. but you clearly know so much about me that you can put words those in my mouth, right? as if I’d ever go against SWer’s rights and protections and overall safety when I fucking AM ONE.

shut the fuck up and quit bitching about spam accounts and trying to play the victim when you can’t spot a scam and then try to put words in someone else’s mouth that aren’t even remotely accurate, and let the people on here with actual followings take care of a REAL problem on here, not just a you problem.

also, we don’t ’man up’ around here. that toxic masculinity bullshit isn’t welcome here. wow! you just keep digging your own grave even deeper! impressive! so proud of you for being this much of a fuck up!

now, now, move along. the grown ups are talking so I think you should go play at the kid’s table since you want to act like a little fucking crybaby bitch.

girlies, if I have any shred of advice i want to give all of you, to save you from being hurt on this site for no reason whatsoever because it is never justifiable to fuck with someone’s head or emotions the way people do on here without a single bit of guilt or remorse, it’s this:

🎶 please, please, please 🎶 do not ever trust everything that tumblr man says to you. they are ALWAYS lying to some degree about something, or saying the same shit to 30 other women, and it’s typically something important (such as, I don’t know, A PARTNER IRL THAT THEY’RE INVOLVED WITH WHO ISN’T AWARE OF THEIR ESCAPADES ON HERE)

do. not. trust. them. and do not get sucked into their games.

also, use your block button liberally. for your own sake.

if someone doesn’t pass the vibe check, absolutely yeet them the fuck off your account, out of your DMs, everything. immediately. look out for your own well-being and safety, and block these motherfuckers at the mere nagging thought that something just doesn’t seem right somewhere with them. because it isn’t.

please. take it from someone that HAS gone through this on here multiple times because she’s an idiot and always ends up getting hurt. I want to see you guys safe and not fucked up over these fucking men.

keep yourselves safe. that man is NOT WORTH IT.

[khaire-traveler]

Hey, asking this anonymously bc I am socially anxious. But thank you for the psa about the ask box go-fund-me's. I kept getting them and even if I know that i can't help and with how small my blog is nobody that'll reblog from me will be able to help (half of my followers are mutuals and I know they're just as broke as I am) i still felt bad and I'm glad I'm not the only one who was suspicious of them!! I ended up turning off my ask feature for a short while just because I couldn't stand getting these asks (and also they were really spammy and it sucked thinking I was getting a genuine ask, only to check and see 3 different ones making me feel like shit.)

It's really nice for me to have heard that from someone else because felt so guilty for ignoring and deleting the messages

I completely relate. 💀 I didn't see people talking openly about the issue, and when I briefly referenced it in a post in the past, someone shamed me for my opinion lol, so I was sat and thought to myself, "But there is a problem here... How many of these asks will I get if I wait for about a week?" After getting swarmed, I made a post about it.

People like this are all over the Internet. Scamming people is a quick way to make an easy buck, especially when preying on their kindness or fears. Scammers LOVE targeting emotions and vulnerability, so be aware of that! They WANT you to feel guilty! Don't fall prey to their manipulation; you're doing the right thing by ignoring them!

[tookishcombeferre]

Cedric for ask game- 1, 12, 14, 25

1. Why do you like this character? Okay. So, ever since I watched Avatar: The Last Airbender, I have been a sucker for a well written redemption arc. However, if I were to get into specifics, I think there's a lot to explore in this character from a literary perspective. He's complicated. Very complicated. His motivations make a lot of sense even if he goes about things in ways that aren't objectively moral. Which, honestly? That is stuff you don't see in children's TV much since Gargoyles or other things from the 90s and early 2000s. He has the backstory and personality of a Shakespearean tragic hero. He reminds me of like if you shoved Macbeth and Hamlet in a blender in the best way possible, and then, somehow, came out with Macduff? IDK how that works, but that's what happened. Secondly, I find him relatable to my literal life. Zuko hit me when I was just a little younger than Zuko's age. I saw Sofia the First, for the first time in earnest, as I approach 30. I am, exactly, the right age to relate to Cedric's personal issues. So, I like him because a lot of the stuff he deals with is the stuff I'm processing in my own life. Aging parents. Trying to repair a difficult relationship with my own dad as we both grow older. Realizing I might not be able to fix everything that's missing there, and trying to walk the line between indifference and cynicism. Check. Trying to form a solid relationship with a/my child and teach them things. (Granted my squish is biological, but still. Check.) Trying to look past my own personal failings to create a better world for my kid and future generations. Check. Trying to look past what people say/ have said about me and others like me to see the intrinsic good in myself despite my nuanced set of identities. Check. Realizing that my kid just existing in my life is what gives me hope to see myself as great. And, maybe, just maybe, that's a lesson I can teach my kid without them having to go through all the crap I've gone through to learn it: we are great because, unmasked, in our fullness, together with others, we are greater than in isolation. So, I like him because it's easy to walk his journey and see some elements of my own life and where I'm at personally. And, you know what? The show does a nice job presenting this struggle. I feel less alone in my own crap when I watch it. I've got a buddy to walk in my adult problems with while my kiddo gets a princess to learn how to be a good person alongside. I LOVE that. It's truly something we both get something out of, which, is, like, SO supremely rare. As a parent, I just cannot express how much I care about that. Bluey might be the only other program I can think of that does "both" as well as Sofia does. Like, I don't know if there are any other fans in this fandom who are parents. But, man ... Cedric hits because *all* of the life stuff he's dealing with is stuff that, like, is so real. Especially the stuff with his parents. Oof. I don't know if any of y'all have had parents age. But, it's a different beast y'all. It makes you think about things, it makes you want to retreat, and it makes you want to fix things - all at the same time. Sorry if that's a lot. But, when we talk about Cedric being an adult, this is what we mean. So, I just kind of fell in love with Cedric's character because in so many ways his story just kept slapping for me from every angle.

[fire-hose]

Do you ever think about what life would be like if things were different?

warning: mentions of religious guilt

Buck knew Eddie loved him, there was no doubt about it. But sometimes Buck just had this itch, something that told him Eddie didn’t love him. They had been dating in secret for the past few months and Buck desperately wanted to come out to the 118, but Eddie was still persistent on hiding. It bothered Buck, more than he thought it should’ve.

They were at a nice breakfast spot, one Eddie wanted to visit since it had opened. The two were having a decent conversation about the previous days shift, Eddies hand under the table carefully stroking Bucks knee. Buck loved when Eddie touched him, it made him forget about any issues he ever had. But somehow not this one.

The breakfast was going amazing, until the topic of coming out came up again. “Eds, do you ever think about what life would be like for us if things were different?” Eddie looked up from his eggs, fork still in his mouth. “What do you mean?” Buck fidgeted with his thumbs under the table “You know, just if the team knew.”

Eddie sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose “Buck, I can’t keep saying this, we can’t tell them. What we have now is good, I like it, don’t you?”

Buck felt like he was pushed into a corner with that question. He liked being with Eddie, he liked practically living with Eddie, he liked hanging out with Chris. He hated keeping those things secret. “I guess” He spoke coldly, turning his attention back to his food.

Eddie just stared at Buck “You hate it don’t you” The blonde looked up from his food and shrugged “Not like it’s preferable to keep your boyfriend a secret from your best friends, or even your sister because she’s married to one of your best friends”

Eddie was going to speak up, but Buck went first, his mouth moving before his mind could. “And sometimes, it feels like you don’t love me. Am I like Ana? Because I know your son loves me, but do you?”

“I don’t love you any less just because no one else can see it Buck.” The other man snapped back “Are you serious? I don’t even think I can see it anymore Eddie” That hurt him. More than he expected.

He knew Buck, he would snap often when he was upset, but he didn’t think he would ever be on the receiving end. All he could do was stare.

Buck stood up, pushing his chair in “Thank you for the meal Eddie. I’ll see you at work tomorrow” Eddie grabbed his lovers hand “Buck wait..”

“No Eddie! I’m done waiting, I’ve waited so damn long. I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this” Buck had tears in his eyes, desperately wanting to escape the conversation before Eddie saw him crying.

The two were standing and just staring, Eddie wanted to scream, tell Buck he was all his and nobody else could have him. But he felt that he couldn’t even breathe, let alone speak.

So Buck left.

Eddie didn’t stop thinking of Buck at all that day, he tried to call him but anytime he even picked up the phone he froze. He could barely breathe in his own home, so used to Buck laying beside him in bed, or his head in his lap as they complained to each other. But now it was just him and his thoughts.

He loved Buck, more than most things, but he wasn’t raised to love Buck. He had a wife who died, and a son who was still there, but he longed for Buck, God he craved him. The only problem was how he viewed himself, in the eyes of God.

Eddie found himself praying once again for the first time since Buck's death. He was sitting in a church for the first time in…he didn’t even remember how long.

His eyes closed and hands clasped into a prayer, he begged, begged to be forgiven for loving Buck, begged to be forgiven for acting on the love. Even after he finished praying he sat there, eyes closed, like he was waiting for an answer.

Ding

Eddie wearily opened his eyes and checked his phone, a message from Bobby. He didn’t believe in signs, but this was no coincidence. Right? He didn’t know what was right and wrong anymore.

‘Eddie, do you want to come to dinner with Athena and I, along with Hen and Karen?’

‘Of course Cap. What day and time’

Eddie slid his phone back into his pocket and got up, stepping out of the church. He sat in his truck, hands gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white. He knew he fucked up with Buck.

After picking up Christopher from school they headed to a nearby flower shop. “Dad, what flowers does Buck like?” Eddie had to think, he knew they had talked about it before, multiple times at that.

“Daisies, and anything light pink” He pointed at the basket of white daisies beside Christopher. The two spent at least a half hour picking out the best flowers for Buck. In the end they settled on a bouquet of daisies, pink roses, gypsophila, carnations, and white roses.

“What color paper kiddo? They have newspapers and some colored paper” Eddie picked Chris up to look at the paper selections. After a minute of thinking the boy pointed to newspaper “Buck would like that one”

The bouquet was tied with blue ribbon, the color reminded Eddie of Bucks eyes. That had been his favorite color since they met.

The father and son were now in Eddies room, Chris sat on the bed helping him pick out a suit, even if they both knew he would end up in the black one. “Dad the blue one. Buck has one like it” Eddie shook his head, Buck grew out of that suit. Somehow.

Eddie had to figure out how to get Buck looking nice for the dinner. He groaned, deciding to text him

‘Dinner with Cap, look good’

He hated that, it sounded like he was ordering Buck around, but he wanted the second bit to be a surprise. Eddie stood in front of his bathroom mirror fixing his hair, anxiety high. Chim and Maddie already volunteered to watch Chris, he owed them big time.

“Chris! Get your stuff ready to see Maddie and Chim!” Eddie shouted across the house as he slid his shoes on, fingers so sweaty the laces wouldn’t cooperate with him.

After he finally got his hands dry enough to tie his shoes he got up, grabbing his wallet and keys. Waiting at the front door for Chris “Cmon kiddo, time to go!”

Eddie helped his son into the truck and then got into the passenger side, his nerves racing as he drove to Maddie and Chimney’s house. When they arrived Eddie was 4 minutes past his self-set time to pick Buck up, groaning he got Chris out the truck and knocked on the front door.

Chris went inside and Maddie offered Eddie something to drink, but he couldn’t be late any more. He wanted..no he needed to see Buck, to kiss him, to hold him. He climbed back into his truck and raced off to Bucks apartment.

So now here Eddie was, the bouquet of flowers in his hands, standing at Bucks front door waiting for an answer. Buck opened the door, he was in a white button down and dark suit pants “Couldn’t find the jacket”

Eddies hands made their way to Bucks cheeks, not caring about the flowers anymore, he pulled Buck down and kissed him. The taller man’s eyes widened, but he closed his eyes and kissed back.

After what felt like only two seconds Buck pulled away, picking up the flowers “You said this was dinner with Cap” Eddie nodded, fixing the last button on Bucks shirt “It is. You’re my date”

A smile creeped into Bucks lips, pecking Eddie before he took his hand, flowers in the other. “We better hurry then”

Eddie drove the two to the restaurant Bobby told him they’d be, and he walked in, Bucks hand in his own. He kissed his hand as they walked to the table. Bobby smiled and looked up at them “You brought Buck? You weren’t going to bring the girl we all know you’ve been seeing?” The four already seated laughed together

Eddie nodded as he sat down with Buck beside him “I did, you were just off with thinking it was a girl”