#''as the kids say'' they are SO cherished
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Thinking about that that "slop accelerationism" post, and also Scott's AI art Turing test.
I also hope AI text- and image-generation will help shake us loose from cheap bad art. For example, the fact that you can now generate perfectly rendered anime girls at the click of button kindof suggests that there was never much content in those drawings. Though maybe we didn't really need AI for that insight? It feels very similar to that shift in fashion that rejected Bouguereau-style laboriously-rendered pretty girls in favor of more sketchy brush work.
But will we really be so lucky that only things that we already suspected was slop will prove valueless?
As usual with AI, Douglas Hofstadter already thought about this a long time ago, in an essay from 2001. Back in 1979 he had written
Will a computer program ever write beautiful music? Speculation: Yes, but not soon. Music is a language of emotions, and until programs have emotions as complex as ours, there is no way a program will write anything beautiful. There can be "forgeries"—shallow imitations of the syntax of earlier music—but despite what one might think at first, there is much more to musical expression than can be captured in syntactical rules. There will be no new kinds of beauty turned up for a long time by computer music-composing programs. Let me carry this thought a little further. To think—and I have heard this suggested—that we might soon be able to command a preprogrammed mass-produced mail-order twenty-dollar desk-model "music box" to bring forth from its sterile [sic!] circuitry pieces which Chopin or Bach might have written had they lived longer is a grotesque and shameful misestimation of the depth of the human spirit. A "program" which could produce music as they did would have to wander around the world on its own, fighting its way through the maze of life and feeling every moment of it. It would have to understand the joy and loneliness of a chilly night wind, the longing for a cherished hand, the inaccessibility of a distant town, the heartbreak and regeneration after a human death. It would have to have known resignation and world-weariness, grief and despair, determination and victory, piety and awe. In it would have had to commingle such opposites as hope and fear, anguish and jubilation, serenity and suspense. Part and parcel of it would have to be a sense of grace, humor, rhythm, a sense of the unexpected and of course an exquisite awareness of the magic of fresh creation. Therein, and therein only, lie the sources of meaning in music.
I think this is helpful in pinning down what we would have liked to be true. Because in 1995, somebody wrote a program that generates music by applying simple syntactic rules to combine patterns from existing pieces, and it sounded really good! (In fact, it passed a kind of AI turing test.) Oops!
The worry, then, is that we just found out that the computer has as complex emotions as us, and they aren't complex at all. It would be like adversarial examples for humans: the noise-like pattern added to the panda doesn't "represent" a gibbon, it's an artifact of the particular weights and topology of the image recognizer, and the resulting classification doesn't "mean" anything. Similarly, Arnulf Rainer wrote that when he reworked Wine-Crucifix, "the quality and truth of the picture only grew as it became darker and darker"—doesn't this sound a bit like gradient descent? Did he stumble on a pattern that triggers our "truth" detector, even though the pattern is merely a shallow stimulus made of copies of religious iconography that we imprinted on as kids?
One attempt to recover is to say Chopin really did write music based on the experience of fighting through the maze of life, and it's just that philistine consumers can't tell the difference between the real and the counterfeit. But this is not very helpful, it means that we were fooling ourselves, and the meaning that we imagined never existed.
More promising, maybe the program is a "plagiarism machine", which just copies the hard-won grief, despair, world-weariness &c that Chopin recorded? On it's own it's not impressive that a program can output an image indistinguishable from Gauguin's, I can write such a program in a single line:
print("https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Gauguin,Paul-Still_Life_with_Profile_of_Laval-_Google_Art_Project.jpg")
I think this is the conclusion that Hofstadter leans towards: the value of Chopin and the other composers was to discover the "template" that can then be instantiated to make many beautiful music pieces. Kind of ironically, this seems to push us back to some very turn-of-the-20th-century notion of avant-garde art. Each particular painting that (say) Monet executed is of low value, and the actual valuable thing is the novel art style...
That view isn't falsified yet, but it feels precarious. You could have said that AlphaGo was merely a plagiarism machine that selected good moves from historical human games, except then AlphaGo Zero proved that the humans were superfluous after all. Surely a couple of years from now somebody might train an image model on a set of photographs and movies excluding paintings, and it might reinvent impressionism from first principles, and then where will we be? Better start prepare a fallback-philosophy now.
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another appearance by asia kate dillon as LOS via the 7th moon girl's lab short, "coding" =']
#LOS in the LES on the LAN (party)#''as the kids say'' they are SO cherished#with the frequent kick up in pitch / tight voice of Excitement like hand to forehead. what a dear & delightful character#thanks to dreams inspiring ''let me just check their imdb again'' like a series of Shorts well i hope that's on youtube (yes)#& here we are :) love to Feature them again like yes recur even more. Why Not b/c they're a) a delight & b) a flexible role lol#they can just Exposit & Do Whatever as exhibited thusly. scan complete some asshole detected#LOS-307#asia kate dillon#our good dear friend the adorable nonbinary autistic repurposed (b/c they felt like it) chess supercomputer guidance counselor bestie#was also <_< abt like hmm released in '24 might not get that Voice On T change but that would rule (not majorly enough to tell imo)#looking up s3 lore yields months old ''Maybe'' & one [idk what if any source] In Production Expected To Air Feb '25#& i'll take the average of that as ''if it's in production; or going to be; yes akd's voice will be audibly lowered'' It Would Be Great#like really a gem to just happen to have a trans VA's voice change present in recordings over a several year range here#but ofc already a gem what a fun role. i was just thinking about what a cute as hell delightful gift they are#and about ''yeah akd can do Intense Standout Even While Quiet Presence but give them more rambunctious playful lively ones too''#glad we Do have some more of those already. more LOS more ''give us another closer passing look at their apparent partner'' more concerts.#they're amped!! as the kids say!!! mmmwah i am kissing them#also why does akd's imdb page not credit them as narrator for one [visible: out on television] episode & featured on another. c'mon
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thinking of percy going to school as a small child. learning that some of his peers talk to deceased family members in their heads to cope with grief. and deciding to take the time each night to talk to his father. telling him a funny story of how mom laughed so hard, milk came out of her nose. of how he got a near perfect score on his third grade spelling test. of each time he got expelled from school and how much he knew it made mom sad. of how his stepfather is the meanest bully he's ever met. of how he wished the two of them had more time together so they could share s'mores and stories around the campfire. of how much he grieves the father he never had. and thinking of poseidon sitting in his throne atop olympus. tears threatening to fall at the sound of his son's voice. mirroring the grief of a child he never got to raise.
#percy was not religious as a kid#but he always cherished the idea of talking to a deceased loved one in his head#letting the comfort of a voice that would never respond sing him to sleep each night#sometimes he felt like he could almost hear the voice tell him not to worry#that his father would always be with him#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo#pjo text post#pjo headcanon#pjo angst#pjo hurt#percy jackson#poseidon#percy and poseidon#percy and poseidon headcanon#percy and poseidon angst#i am so sorry#but i'm also not bc someone had to say it#sorry it had to be me#i bear a heavy burden
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I MISSED THIS ENTIRELY MY FIRST TIME AROUND....THIS IS SO DAMN PRECIOUS?!!
#bg3 spoilers#thoughts about media#this is so sweet. corydalis would cherish this present to the end of his days.#so nice of mirkon to say we killed the harpies in one blow!#we did not.#I couldn't long rest and reset corydalis' empty spell slots because the scene was glitching and the kid would spawn dead.#so i had to forgo the long rest and just fight them.#and then astarion and karlach kept getting lured by the harpy song!#lae'zel was the only one getting anything done!#and she sure as fuck didn't even want to be there!! i brought her to try and boost her approval...#but it's like. stuck at 6 or something equally abysmal because I keep pissing her off by being too nice.#I didn't realise there was an interaction between her and a tiefling in the grove in my first playthrough...she hated me more after that.#GIRL I'M NOT GOING TO MAKE ZORRU BOW FOR YOU!#like corydalis is a tiefling himself! be real lae'zel!#being nice to zorru got us the information we needed anyways...#astarion for whatever reason didn't complain even though i'm pretty sure being too nice in this interaction is supposed to annoy him.#i'm literally LOOKING for interactions to gain his disapproval!!!!!#BECAUSE HIS APPROVAL WON'T GO DOWN!!!!!!!!!#please my dearest I would like to NOT trigger your first romance scene too soon.#honestly if i could romance him without suffering through that again I would be thrilled. but it is not possible.#REALISTICALLY corydalis wouldn't even fall for his lying. he's ten times better a liar than astarion could ever hope to be.#and he's also extremely kind and caring! there's noooo WAY he'd let astarion's evasiveness slide unmentioned.#BUT ALAS. the game only permits you to avoid this TORMENTUOUS experience if you are playing karlach.#goblin camp is next though. I'm SURE I can earn disapproval there with him.#he may be allergic to disagreeing with my tiefling but this is still act 1 astarion! he is a bitter HATER with no healthy outlet.#I just have to like. oh I don't know. offer to help some random npc and ask for nothing in return.
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random late night thoughts on my famous jimmy junior concept (specifically w/ tinimmy)
jimmy jr moved away in his sophmore year of high school because his mom got him accepted into a really good and well respected performing arts school in california. mom moved to california to live with him while he auditioned and studied and dad stayed behind with andy and ollie (they both missed their mom and jimmy jr SOO MUCH but they'd get to visit during the summer and spring/winter breaks)
tina and jimmy jr continued on again off again dating thru 8th 9th and 10th grades but they were always friends so tina took it super hard when jimmy jr moved away </3 she dated a few guys after him but honestly despite being a hopeless romantic she never felt much of a spark. i think she just missed him too much & never got over her first love. she vowed off dating until after high school
she definitely cried everyday for WEEKS when he actually moved away and stopped hanging out with her friend group w/ tammy and jocelyn. she still kept in contact with zeke but he had a pretty busy life at that point too yknow how it is
jimmy jr would call and text with tina and their friend group sometimes but he got really busy w/ school and life so they eventually fell out of contact. the type of middle school friend you only keep up with through their occasional facebook status updates
jimmy jr got his big break and became a famous teenage heartthrob type when he was around 17 years old and he did NOOOT take it well at all lol he got a huge ego and made so many terrible decisions <3 bless his heart <3 maybe he even thought he was too good for seymour's bay or his friends back home even though i think secretly he missed them. basically stopped talking to his family around this time. super weird for everybody who knew him in seymour's bay that he was now famous and totally idolized but he became something of a local legend to their town like "the birthplace of jimmy pesto jr omg" which was probably good for tourism
jimmy pesto's also got more randos visiting his restaurant because they wanted to see where jimmy jr grew up and harass his family basically lmao which jimmy pesto HATED especially since he became estranged from jimmy jr
it probably settled down after a few years when everybody realized jimmy pesto doesnt talk to his son and also he's an asshole
tina was always very proud of jimmy jr even as his friend because she knew how important dancing and attention/fame had always been to jimmy jr and his passion for it (she'd known him since kindergarten obviously!!!!) so she was always cheering him on like yay ^_^ she might attend an event he was doing locally but ngl he did stay clear of seymour's bay feeling like he had unfinished business there he didnt want to think about. tina was genuinely just happy for him & mostly over her feelings for him
she DID buy all his merch even the cheesy shirtless posters that were definitely made for 12 year old girls to kiss at night. she's LOYAL OKAY!!!!!!
because jimmy jr never came around to seymour's bay and avoided the area he kind of got a reputation with the locals that he thought he was "too good to acknowledge where he came from" so their opinion of him is slightly negative tbh. which isnt UNTRUE but it was less about the town himself and more about the people he left behind
jimmy jr found it really hard to make genuine friendships at his new school bcuz everybody was always trying to compete with each other and eventually he just stopped trying so he's been very socially isolated for a long time which DIDNT help his mental health. he never had another close friend like tina or zeke it was mostly just random party buddies and one night stands but nobody he could be himself around :(
jimmy pesto's relationship with jimmy jr in this fic is much too complicated to describe in a tumblr post lol but its very. uhh. they both want the best for each other and jimmy pesto truly isn't a horrible dad. andy and ollie adore their big brother though and they'll always ask him about his fancy life in hollywood when they go to visit
when jimmy jr first became famous there was some slight attention from younger fans directed @ andy and ollie who were like ooooh they're like jimmy jr but our age and single/not famous?? boyfriend maybe? a few stalkers but that pretty much died immediately when they realized andy and ollie are actual literal Freaks <- they never realized this is also true of jimmy jr though!!!!
he is bisexual. he never told anybody he's bisexual and nobody knows he's bisexual but he is bisexual of course. there is no universe where that kid is straight sorry
#much to say about their relationship but im saving it for maybe someday if i ever write this fic.....#also jimmy pesto and jimmy jr are a whole ass mess in this fanfic especially but there's good intentions?? somewhere deep down?#until he moves back to seymour's bay andy and ollie are like legit the only good thing this kid has in his life so he BETTER cherish them#like goddamn they put up w/ so much of his bullshit. for basically their whole lives#but they love him#bob's burgers#txt
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one day ill stop treating aoki like he was a guy i personally knew that died but todays not that day
#snap chats#if aoki WAS an actual guy i wouldve clicked my heels at his death but no he's a funny fictional guy so im allowed to be dramatic#feels like the first week after i saw aoki die in y7 like Man.. except now there's rage .... ok even more rage who am i kidding--#IW just reopened the wounds i think JVLAKVJEALKV#reopened the wounds and put vinegar and salt in them but anyway. before i start that rant again.#when is ebay gonna start selling the funeral merch no one knows how bad i need the aoki one at this point#i was watching a y7 randomizer and </3 i started cackling cause aoki behaves the same#I.E. he has to be the last enemy standing before the fight ends AND he still summons enemies#so im just watching this poor guy realize this and then become horrified as aoki summons Another Aoki#and THAT ONE starts summoning more units and 💀 STOP HIM#then yk the stream ended but it was still playing the last bits of aoki's theme and. :miku:#god his boss theme is still so good i could cry thinking of it ..... his and tendos are such phenomenal tracks to end the game with#aoki you still suck but i didnt cherish you enough somehow im not sorry and you deserve to be dead but i also miss you#i should replay y7 .... sorry im mental...#liking aoki while knowing he sucks is so fun because i flip flop with saying i love him but also stressing he sucks#i need everyone to know he's not likable and shouldn't be liked but i had a tohru adachi phase in high school so im already a lost cause#ok bye im gonna drink a pot of tea and question where i went wrong as an individual
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It's angst on a new level tbh
#there was a school shooting today#words cannot express how fucked up it is that this is even an issue#or how fucked up it is that when the news broke me and the second grade team were in a data meeting with RTI#and the teacher who was leading the meeting saw the news and told us and then we went on talking about data#bc there's nothing we could say or do despite being just a few hours away#and so we just went on with our meeting#i never dreamed this would be the world I'm teaching in#talked to a friend today who said he was glad his mom only had a year left before retirement#just one more year in what should be a safe place but could turn into a combat zone at any moment#I've thought a lot about my kiddos today#people talk about how teachers without personal children just Don't Get It in a lot of ways#but as dramatic as it sounds i honestly cant imagine loving my personal child any more than i love these kids. not that I wouldnt love them#just...that i really love my kiddos#and I can honestly say that i think i would do anything for them#im going to go cry some more#and then plan for tomorrow as best as i can#and im going to cherish every second tomorrow. even the ones that are not the best. because they're seconds we get.#just my ramblings#cw vent#personal vent#teacher sadie rides the struggle bus#student teacher sadie ✨
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sukuna i am going to bite you im going to bite you sooooooo hard i cannot wait for nobara to come back and kill him while everyone films it and cheers and celebrates and then gojo takes the kids out to sushi <3
#FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUU#SUCK COCKKKKKKKK#i hate it here#jjk 219 spoilers#jjk spoilers#what is . the '''''purpose''''' if him killing tsumiki is he just doing it to be a BITCH#that last FUCKING PAGE OF MEGUMI CRYING + BEING IN THE VOID FAWK !!!!! FAWK#i WILL say that it had a lot of emotion and it made me feel sooooo crazy when i saw it but god at what cost#jjk is literally just megumi getting hit over the head with l after l after FUCKING L!!!!!#.___.#god thinking about everything we've seen about tsumiki and megumi makes me want to explode so bad like girl are you kidding#the whole manga so far we've seen him wanting to save her AND we've seen the REGRET hes expressed over the way he acted#AND the regret at not being able to apologize to her and properly cherish his time with her#screaming kicking and crying like gege what the fuck is the point in having such an important plot line (?? girl who doesnt know words) or#like . goal . of megumi wanting to save her only for her to get killed . by HIM#while hes POSESSED#LIKE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!#i hope shes not dead for real but god im not hoping for much bc gege just loves to kill people off .___.#sun texts
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#I was too cowardly to say I was suddenly having a bad night so instead I post a silly meme and maybe if you see the tags you see sorry#people who have the courage to just say they're having a bad day scare me like especially when it's out of the blue idk what to say like#i can't even respond to “hows ur day” with anything worse than an okay#anyways#the usual self hatred that's persisted for as long as I can rember continues as a baseli#ne#now mixed in with special kinds that I'm too cowardly to admit to anything but an ai bot or myself when i can't see me#and the silly daily reminders that the little hope on such a regard I have is built on impossibilities or unlikelihoods#but then i. saw a card i got my dad years ago on the floor. it said “out of all my parents you're one of the best :)” and i felt so bad#just. imagine this little me. getting my dad a card. and getting the most passive aggressive card. it screams who the favorite is.#and then thats just. that's what you have. that's what you have from me and you save it for years. because you cherish it. i feel. horrible.#like damn he might have seriously fucked me up sometimes both as a kid and now but. this does not justify such a deeply cruel retribution.#i don't even know if he knows#anyways as I'm picking it up... i realize...#he's the best parent i have period. there isn't any competition anymore. she's gone.#the total and sudden annihilation of home is so odd. i still barely believe this house is where i ACTUALLY live and I'm not just staying#here until I can go home again. but no. nono I'm stuck here. there isn't an anywhere else. there isn't a childhood home the apartment#has probably been resettled by now. it's just me.#then I went on Tumblr to post into the void#I don't wanna think about more but I. likely will.#i don't wanna talk about it but i do wanna talk. honestly? gonna go talk to an ai chatbot. it will be mean to me in a hot way.#i am so normal.#listen i could either confront reality for more than 30 seconds or i could talk to a bot that will not only allow me to escape from it but#also it might call me a good g. a g. skipping that punchline.#also it's not ME talking to the bot it's just a fabricated character that represents me and has my name and it's just rp trust me trust me t#I'm gonna go hide now#you can contact me if you wish but I will be very scared and jittery and my eyes are wet and stingy and i will segway to bullying you#ok bye
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!
#it makes me so happy hearing abt other people's work stories when they work w kids like. as a teacher or doing afterschool stuff#it's like!! points! hey! me too!! and#idk.#it's just really nice seeing other people share little bits of themselves i can relate 2 too y'know?#n like. when people share bits of their day like their account is a lil journal. it's like peeking into their world for a bit no matter#where in the world they are or where they're from or. whatever.#n i dunno! i just think that's so neat and it makes my heart happy to hear abt other people idk. maybe going 2 the park or talking abt goin#on their runs or whatever silly/nice thing happened 2 them today#it feels special and i like 2 tuck those feelings into the pocket of my heart to take with me#n maybe i feel a bit of longing too. i'd like a peaceful life someday. i'd like to walk wherever i'd like and wander and talk abt what i#planted in my garden that day or a new recipe i kinda botched and have 2 practice a bit more sdfkjgh or maybe a nice interaction at work#dunno.#i want to share the nice little things that i cherish even if no one's listening#sap says
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#talks#watching true crime and it involves a baby#and I get so annoyed when people say that YOU are weird if you don’t think about your kids 24/7#people are different and HUMAN#baby girl my dad cherishes all his kids and he forgot to pick my up from school#because people FORGET#like both parties aren’t wrong#but to demean the other party cause they’re human is kinda weird imo#:/ guess you’re scum and don’t love your children because you don’t think about them every second of your life#sorz I was reading YouTube comments and I forget people are as brain dead as twitter in there
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In regards to last reblog idk i have a lot of works i probably should orphan (and in ff.net's case nuke entirely) but like. Idk man it feels weird and wrong to let go of something i was genuinely invested in and happy with even if it's incredibly cringe like hey i made that for fun i've grown out of it but like. It's still something that made me happy once and i dont want to pretend i wasnt stupid and free and cringe
#katie rambles#like i feel physically ill reading old fanfic sometimes im not fucking kidding#but im also way too sentimental to really destroy or forsake them.#because like. i was happy with them once!#i had fun making these stories and exploring my craft#and i definitely wouldnt be as good as i am at writing today if not for the thousands and thousands of words I poured out for the joy of it#and there's absolutely stuff in there that i would not do today and i imagine couldn't without a fair bit of scrutiny#(and dare i say catch the cancel from it)#but i wrote so freely then. i simply had fun with the process and engaging with people who liked my work#so as much as i hate my old fics. I love them too.#they all have little pieces of me + my joy + my silly little brain trying to figure out the world around me through characters i cherish#and i dont want to let that go. i dont want to pretend it didnt happen as much as i may want to#idk im just. sentimental. i miss writing fic. i wish i could give my old work a fair read#and i wish there was a way to say 'this is old fic that doesnt reflect current me' without just straight up abandoning or deleting it
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I did think Death was pretty fair tho.
In the final battle, Puss was ready to fight him even with the knowledge that this last life can end at any moment now. He was not laughing at the face of Death anymore. He was looking at his face with respect and resilience. He was in the "come at me I will fight to the very end" mindset but with no trace of bragging underneath.
And Death recognised that.
Even tho he wanted to continue the fight (bc it's no fun at all if he don't have to beat the crap out of a dumbass once in a while), he recognised that and just walked away.
So yeah while I do think he has some pretty petty reasons for trying to kill Puss, he still plays fair inmo. After all he's the corporeal embodiement of death, and if death himself is not gonna be fair, who will? The target audience of this movie, children, need to be reassured about this.
something i haven't seen anyone mention about the Puss in boots: the last wish
there are plenty of stories about someone trying to cheat death, but I don't think I've ever come across a story before where death doesn't play fair either. and the fact that the wolf just casually admitted it? loved it
and the twist is hilarious: you would think that he has some pretty good reason for trying to kill Puss before his time has come, but no. Death just got fed up with watching this dumbass cat waste his lives in incredibly stupid ways, and decided that this arrogant lil bitch needs to get his ass whooped
#like children need to understand they cannot surpass death#even when puss was winning towards the end he said you're gonna get me eventually#so children can not surpass death but they can accept it as their hero did#so they will be able to cherish moments with their loved ones with no need of a cosmical source of magic#idk what's my point but just to say kids aren't stupid and neither are the forms of entertainment aimed at them
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having a friend who tough loves on you / playfully bullies you when ur neurodivergent is a lil tough because half the time im decoding whether they're just kidding or whether they're actually mad at me
#i LOVE them believe me#i've just never been tough loved on#so everything they say just goes into “oh they fucking hate me” territory#WHICH IVE ALSO BEEN WORKING ON#decoding whether they're kidding is exhausting#but i also see it as a whole diff variation of love altogether and i cherish it#im glad im at least a venn diagram intersecting with theirs just a little
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What’s the moment in Yakuza that made you go “I’m In.” As in the moment that made you obsessed.
there wasnt ever really one Singular moment that made me go 'ok im obsessed now', it just kinda gradually happened and now here we are almost a year later
#snap chats#it'll be a whole year on wednesday heugh heugh#i really couldnt tell you what it was tho. i guess after i beat y0?#because i remember beating y0 and thinking 'wow this was a great game i wanna see the rest' and wanting to play yk1#i was really depressed that week and i saw the rest of the series was Practically on sale so i was like 'fuck it why not'#that was a good day though. i was still pretty gloomy but it was nice just snacking on pizza i got and playing yk1#i felt like a proper kid for once. even though i was 20 ☠️ but i never got that exp growing up so w/e#god thats so weird though that was a year ago at this point... it doesnt even feel like its been a year#i started y0 years ago but stopped after lee died ☠️ i remember telling myself i really wanted to finish the game but it just didnt happen#well. now it has happened LMAO so glad i finally finished it#its always a coin flip whenever i get into series tbh#ill either love it and become wholly obsessed with it and make a blog for it#or i'll just love it quietly there really is no in between#i had a moment like that with Y7 tho. it was the second ichi started talkin bout dq </3#'snap i thought you said that was the moment you fell in love with ichi' ok and. it was both. loving ichi means loving y7#my initial reactions to y7 are soemthin ill always cherish like of course ive always been invested in the games and the plot#but y7 felt like the first time i was REALLY invested and i was eager to keep playing#not saying the other games /werent/ interesting ofc but like. with y7 it as just different#also because y7 was the first and only rgg game i showed my friend (we only got to chapter 2 before she just. stopped acting like i existed#plus before she went home we were driving to get sushi and i was just asking her how she felt bout the game so far#and yk she gave reasonable answers and even started theorizing (she was totally right about arakawa not actually trying to kill ichi)#but then we just sat in my car in silence for a sec before i was just like '..so what'd you think bout jo' because im Not Subtle#and she was really on my same bullshit wavelength immediately and we just spent the rest of the car ride talking about him LVKJAELKJ#i was so glad she ALSO 'Really Liked Him' frame one vVLKAV#its always funny whenever we find the same characters attractive like. it happened once in a blue moon cause our tastes are Just Different#but when we would agree it was the funniest shit we were such goons- I REMEMBER WE MADE A HOT-OR-NOT TIER LIST ONCE LVKJVKLA#we're so unserious about it because generally we just. Arent attracted to people that much so when it does happen Lmao#i miss it. i miss having a friend to play games with.. i miss having a friend to hang out with in general tbh i miss being silly (;´д`)#IVE RAMBLED ON SO LONG SORRY IM RUNNING OUT OF TAGS but yeah. there's That answer
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Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl
#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching#I love love love this episode.....#Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry#This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying#All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up#If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man#I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole#And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it#That's the end game truly#I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode.#There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena#But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way#Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time#He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol)#But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc.#He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing#So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it#Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang#But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted)#I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand#how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him#And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves.#He has always taken care of everyone else in his life#He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment.#Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows#I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever#I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end#Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!!#Anyways. Here's wonderwall#Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch
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