#' they're both physical people so i think their sex life would be..... healthy

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello, so maybe I’m misunderstanding something based on the bits and pieces I know about ethics and philosophy :what kinds of things constitute as morally good? You said and someone else said health is morally neutral. Which I get the individual part but wanting for others to be educated and healthy I thought * would be examples of moral goodness?¿ Help me to see more pf your point if you are willing

okay, let's talk about education and health.

those are both really big factors in a lot of people's lives, and of course it's good when people have access to opportunities for education and healthcare. I'm not arguing against that at all.

but there is no component of morality to people's level of education or health. attending college, for instance, does not make someone a better person than someone who dropped out of high school. a person with a college degree is likely to have access to better-paying jobs and impact their quality of life, sure, and higher education is desirable to many people because of that; totally understandable. but that's completely different from what I'm talking about, which is whether or not being educated is innately virtuous, which it's not. at an early age, especially, education is something that happens mostly at random, determined primarily by the opportunities available to the family someone is born into.

health is something that is moralized RELENTLESSLY, especially in American culture. many fat activists talk at length about how fatness is seen as a failure of both health and morality - the assumption being that a.) fat people are innately unhealthy and b.) a responsible person would make an effort not to be fat and therefore not to be unhealthy - and that's only one particularly visible example. think about the tendency, for instance, to suggest that people who die of COVID must deserve it based on assumptions made about their masking/vaccine status, as if thousands of people who took every possible precaution didn't also die. in my field, sex education, there's also a TERRIBLE tendency to stigmatize people with sexually transmitted infections and treat them as dangerous, irresponsible, and undeserving of sex of physical intimacy, the most prominent example being the AIDS epidemic during which many people very literally believed that the epidemic was a divine punishment for the "sin" of homosexuality.

of course, health has nothing to do with morality. terrible people live long and healthy lives, the kindest and most selfless people you'll ever meet die in agonizing pain from preventable diseases. similarly to education, it's largely determined by social position.

similarly, activities considered "healthy" carry no moral weight. if you want to eat your veggies or run marathons or never smoke a day in your life, awesome! that's great for you! and I'm right there with you, I love veggies and yoga and rock climbing and all kinds of activities, and I myself don't smoke. but nothing about any of those activities are like, divinely virtuous and make you a certifiable better person than someone who never exercises and lives on cheese and weed. that person is equally allowed to do that and is not an inferior person for choosing that path for their life.

again, healthcare and education are important to many people's quality of life, but they're human rights, not moral measurements.

[ettawritesnstudies]

Aspec ship prompts

because I can't find something like this and so I guess I have to make it myself. This is meant for characters on the aromantic or asexual spectrums (grey-ace, demi-ace, romance-favorable, etc.) who are in relationships but doesn't erase that part of their identity

not realizing s/o has a crush on them for *forever* until told explicitly, and being extremely flustered by the attention

s/o giving them time to think through their feelings after the confession, without pressuring them to make a decision

s/o understanding that their affections might not be reciprocated immediately, if at all, and being ok with keeping their relationship as a qpr or a strong friendship in that case.

being unsure if their emotional reaction is anxiety or the "butterflies in your stomach" of a crush

worrying if they'll be a good s/o because they don't "get" romance or sex, but wanting their partner to be happy - needing clear and healthy communication about expectations and boundaries

s/o reassuring them they love them for who they are, and not just what they can do in a relationship

not having a first kiss/first date/first relationship until they're considered a "late bloomer" by allos

learning how to recognize feelings of attraction and being routinely baffled by new emotions (and physical reactions) but enjoying the experience nonetheless

treating "dating" as a vector for reaching marriage, because why would you casually date someone if you don't intend to spend the rest of your life with them? relationships are few and far between, but more serious than their peers (especially in high school/college) (especially especially if raised in a religious household)

slowly testing the waters of physical affection: hand holding -> hugging -> cuddling -> kissing -> etc. and checking that each other are both comfortable at each stage

letting the aspec person initiate the next "level" of intimacy to signal they're ok with that

Alternate ways of showing affection like head butts, linking arms, using s/o as a pillow, kisses but on the hand, shoulder, cheek, etc. instead of lips

boundary levels changing depending on their mood and circumstances

Avoiding PDA, maybe even in front of friends or family because it just feels far far too intimate and awkward

Still gagging at other people's PDA

thinking in terms of "building" or "growing" in love, instead of "falling" in love

it's very important to the aspec one that their relationship doesn't eclipse their other friendships - making the effort to keep in touch, having the s/o be part of the friend group and the friends feel welcomed in their home to avoid 3rd wheel awkwardness

trying (and failing) to flirt with the s/o but its endearing anyhow because the attempt was made

Completely not understanding the premise of "They're a 10 but-" or having a "type", the answer to questions like that being "My type is s/o" or "They're a 0 unless they're s/o"

Part 2 here

[plusvanity]

do you think varg and marie genuinely believe that this is the best for their kids?

In a way, yes.

I believe they are good-intended parents (especially her, but even Varg because it's obvious that he doesn't want to repeat history and be like his own father was towards him. I don't think at all that he gets so low to physically punish his children) but the methods that they use to raise them are not as great as they make them seem.

I don't have anything against leaving society (it is trash after all), and I don't have anything against raising your children in the countryside. On the contrary, I believe it's far more beneficial for them and their stress level to live somewhere rural, surrounded by nature, having new lands to explore and be in touch with the wildlife. A simpler life is always a happier one.

But most people who live rural are part of a community, they get to know new people, talk with others, develop their communication and social skills, etc. Both Varg and Marie grew up in communities and they have a referential point about now one should behave in society, but their children don't have any. They don't know what society is.

Making a lot of children so they won't get bored for not having friends to play with is not a healthy mentality. Those kids will grow up, mature, start wondering about love and romance. How can you fantasize about getting a girlfriend/ boyfriend when all you have as a referential point regarding the interaction with opposite sex is just your own parents and other siblings? That's right, in this care you can't imagine new things the right way. You are overly dependent on your parents, you are socially anxious because you have no substantial contact with the outside world, you live in a bubble.

What Varg and Marie taught them is to be afraid of strangers and of the unknown, to be paranoid of everyone's intentions and to stay away.

Abuse it's not just physical. If those children are isolated from experiencing real life, this is called abuse.

The possibility of them developing anxious and dependent personalities is very real, but neither one of their parents seem to be aware of that, and this is sad.

You might wonder how Varg managed to corrupt Marie into believing that this is the best that they could offer to their children. It's an 'us against the world' mentality. They think like 'We need to stick together' to confront the danger of a hostile outside world. It's a cult-like setting.

The narcissist creates in their partners what is known as 'mass psychogenic illness'. Marie became united, merged and fused with Varg, fighting with him against the real and imaginary 'threats' that Varg perceives over and over again. They're literally like a single organism with two heads.

Narcissists come across as innocent, pure at heart and infantile when they find their 'favourite person' (just like borderlines), and then they use their partner's maternal instincts to manipulate them. This is also why it is so hard to break up with a narcissist. It's like you're a mother abandoning your child, your broken, hurt, bleeding child. So, in the hypothesis that Varg would somehow lose interest in Marie, she would feel pressed to fight for the relationship like a mother would for their child (their multiple children). This is how the shared fantasy works. It's a co-infantilization process.

Those children live in nature, away from pollution and this is great, but the fact that they're forbidden/ restricted to be part of a community is very, very unhealthy. We are social creatures. We need to belong and children need to belong more than adults do. It's mandatory for their development process. I can't stress that enough.

I have no doubt that those kids love their parents, like all kids do. They are their everything. Marie is calm, gentle and patient. There's no such thing as a perfect mother. There's only a 'good enough' mother and a 'dead mother'. Marie could've been a much better mother had she met a sane partner instead of Varg.

Varg seems emotionally absent as a father. Maybe he plays with them from time to time, maybe he learned in years after having kid after kid that you need to be more patient and more involved in the household, but I doubt that. He teaches them skills, he is interested and proud of them only when they do something that he agrees with. But he wouldn't support them if they deviated from his trajectory. For example: someone asked him if his son thought about learning to play guitar, and Varg's response was 'Nah, I hope he never gets into that'.

It's a very delicate subject. We'll live and see how things go.

[felassanis]

I think the established separation of sex from your relationship with Astarion when the two of you become more serious serves to be a good thing for him of course. But could potentially be a good thing for The Dark Urge too.

Because like Astarion. Durge just...doesn't know what a healthy relationship is. How could they?

They've been raised as Faerun's version of the bloody antichrist. Their whole life has been nothing but murder. Violence. Blood.

We don't know canonically what Durge's relationship with sex is, but we can assume it's NOT healthy. (Especially considering they were likely a necrophiliac) We can assume sex, as described by Bhaalists, was just a means to breed more Bhaalspawn. Durge has been surrounded by a culture that treats sex, not as an act of love or connection or even just casual fun, but about reproduction. Furthering Bhaal. It's about power. We can assume sex in Bhaalist culture is not particularly...gentle.

Durge probably had an unhealthy way of going about sex. Similarly, sex for Astarion is rooted in degradation and dehumanisation. For BOTH of them sex has been dehumanising.

So for Astarion to request that they just...don't do that in order for him to try and be with them genuinely without the horrible feeling of disgust creeping up on him. Because he CARES for them. I can imagine Durge (a redeeming durge of course) understanding it, but later on...probably realises they needed that too. To try and navigate a real relationship that isn't overshadowed by cults or daddy dearest. To just exist with someone in a way that ensures both of them focus on affection and trust over physical intimacy. It's about true intimacy.

These are two people who have not known love. Who are strangers to trust. And navigating their relationship without sex allows Astarion to grow in a relationship wheres he's love for who he is, rather than what he can offer. And for The Dark Urge? It would probably allow them to learn how to be gentle. To be affectionate, freely giving their love in a way they've never before.

Idk I think they're neat.

[stromuprisahat]

Hello! Firstly, I want to make it clear that I love your blog and your opinions. And secondly I would like to ask about your thoughts on what would happen if Ulla accepted and went with Sasha when he asked her to go with him? (It also makes me a little curious if they stayed together they would end up developing codependency and emotional or perhaps literal incest…)

I think this would be an interesting event that would greatly change the events of the shadow and bones trilogy.

Sorry for any mistakes in my writing, English is not my language!

Hi! Thanks, and don't worry- I might write (and occasionally dream) in English, but it's not my first language either. I'm still checking most of my posts with the help of Uncle Google and Seznam Dictionary. :)

Sashka and Ulla...

There are two variables we might need, but don't have. We don't know how old Aleksander is, when he dies, and we don't know how old he is, when he meets Ulla. It wouldn't be precise, but it could help us guess how worn out he might be.

If Ulla went with Aleksander, it would certainly help him cut off Baghra. When we meet him in Shadow and Bone, he's aware she isn't good for him, but he doesn't have an alternative. Not even belief Alina will eventually have only him, isn't enough to truly get rid of his mother. Maybe having another immortal, who got screwed over by Baghra AND acknowledges it, would be the correct impulse to dump the old hag.

I can't see a "healthy" option for immortal life or relationship. Certainly not the way rules are set. Others will still die. Their world will still be the horrible place it is. Then, there are the philosophical questions like "Can life still have a meaning, when your time isn't limited?".

Having a single person to lean on for centuries should surely lead to codependency. Let's hope Ulla and Sasha wouldn't at least have it as unequal as he does with his mother.

From what we're shown, Aleksander sees sex mostly as a tool, but then again- we've never even glimpsed his previous romantic relationships, so who knows... maybe he's god-tier demi sexmachine. That would be a no for physical incest (although all those deliciously naughty options... read Nådeløsheten by Madismen for Darklina/their immortal son tasteful short). I had to look up emotional incest for specific details, and:

(x)

After centuries of losses and difficulties no mortal can understand, I don't think boundaries between any two people, who have both been through it TOGETHER, could remain intact. Sasha and Ulla have the advantage of adulthood- their personalities are mostly formed- but after that?

Picture Alina arriving in Little Palace, but instead of the pressure of being the long-awaited Sun Summoner, there's only a mild concern how she managed to slip through testing. She's expected to clear the remains of the Fold, but one of the previous Sea Witches already made a path to the sea. Or more precisely- made the sea come to the capital itself, creating a swift way through the Fold (bonus points for sea monsters, snapping at volcra from depths Liopleurodon-style).

Second Army is traditionally lead by the Darkling and Sea Witch. No one knows if they're related, or married, they always seem incredibly close. If one dies, the other usually passes away or leaves to spend the rest of their life in seclusion. After that, another pair arrives from the safe place they were raised, to take over the work.

Alina's correctly assessed as unreliable (just like in the book), but even if he catches feelings, Aleksander isn't so desperately lonely. We can sprinkle some drama due to possible jealousy and above mentioned co-dependency, add possible parallel with Malina and contrast between their causes and solving. We could even use Baghra, waiting in hiding to screw over her errant children, especially her ungrateful son. Shenanigans ensue.

[neptune-scythe]

Reasons Kanej is very important to me

AKA my Ace manifesto

Most romance in media is very physical/sex driven, so as a sex repulsed asexual with sensitivities to touch and skin to skin contact, that can get very irritating. Partially because I just don't like to watch it, but also because I can't relate to it at all. It's completely foreign to me. And as someone who can tend to be very influenced by what I watch/read, having physical intimacy hyped in that way can be very misleading. Physical attraction/intimacy is ultimately hollow and isn't sustainable long term if that's all your relationship is based on, and if you're seeing those kinds of relationships portrayed as successful and fulfilling than you would expect it to be the same in real life... which will ultimately lead to a lot of confusion and disappointment. It's very easy to write a relationship just for sex appeal, or pair two actors together because they're attractive; and chances are most people will be satisfied by that.

But that's not love... that's attraction. The media has blurred the difference between those words, so young people growing up with TV and social media are being told that sexual and physical attraction is love, when, in reality, it is just that, attraction and lust.

Real love can include those elements, but it certainly doesn't have to. Real love is about emotional connection, it's about knowing and caring about each other. It's so much deeper than simply thinking someone is attractive or wanting physical intimacy with them. And there are so many more ways that people experience love and romance than just sex, and that is rarely shown in media.

That is why Kanej means so much to me. They're not just another couple that fits the societal "standard" for romance. Their relationship is built on trust, friendship, understanding one another, and wanting the best for the other. All things that are sustainable, the things that really matter. And I know both characters have expressed a desire for a more intimate, physical relationship, but I believe they can have a perfectly fulfilling relationship without that. And while I do absolutely want them to heal from their traumas, I do not think that means they have to be touchy or have a sexual relationship. I would love to see them heal enough to be comfortable in close proximity to each other, to hold hands, maybe even share a kiss; but I don't think they need those things to be a healthy couple, and I don't think that achieving that comfort is the only way they can heal.

In conclusion, despite kanej not being a canonically ace couple, I feel represented by them, I feel my experiences are seen and validated. They give me hope that should I ever desire a romantic relationship, it is possible to find one that I can be comfortable in, that doesn't require physical intimacy to be healthy and long lasting. I adore Kanej, and I will protect them at all costs.

[subiysu-chan]

It must be a different kind of pain when your heart belongs to a person who doesn't know how to love. I'm talking about Jean Baptiste and Marie Josephe. You can't get through them, because they don't want to let you in. They're emotionally unavailable.

And I suppose having sex with them won't lessen the heaviness in your heart— you know that in their eyes, they don't see the act as intimately as you do.

They're repulsed at the idea of someone having romantic affection for them at all. If you express any admiration or adoration to these people, I'm certain they'll immediately jump into a manner that's both disgusted and defensive, 'Who are you to assume you truly know me?' kind of way. Oops, now they're immediately distancing themselves away from you. Way to go!

Okay, like daughter like father, they're both awful. Whatever, they still got some aspects to love about. The majority of the Sansons are capable of love, so why is Jean Baptiste and Marie Josephe like this? How do you get them to lower their guard and seep your way into their heart? What do you think they truly desire from someone in order to reciprocate the person's feelings?

I think Jean-Baptiste and Marie-Josèphe, while both emotionally unavailable, are so in very different ways.

Jean-Baptiste clearly loves his mother, at the exclusion of everybody else. However, to have only one object of affection for your entire life cannot be healthy. Also, there is no way this man ever could develop a sense of identity outside of being an executioner. Most modern torturers and professional killers have a "normal self persona, the default personality that developped in early childhood" and a "ruthless killer personality". With Jean-Baptiste, ruthless executioner and torturer is the default personality, with honestly very little outside of it.

He is able to love his children, but would only show this affection very conditionally as a reward for behaving how he wants, or when they are unconscious, when it's more of a genuine affection.

Now, that man, as a boy between 7 and 19, had rivals lining up for his position. Rivals that were fully grown men, mind you. He was in a semi-incestuous relationship with his mother, and at some point, with Madeleine Tronson, the daughter of his "father figure", a somewhat mentally incestuous union that resulted in a death, and two offspring, of which Charles-Henri is the second. To add insult to injury, his younger brother envied the semi-incestuous, and at the very least mentally abusive attention, Jean-Baptiste received from his mother. Anne-Marthe is plenty physically abusive herself, and they were at a time of "spare the rod, spoil the child", in which physical discipline was a mark that a parent cared for their child. And Nicolas-Gabriel was jaleous of that abusive attention. Her, let's say selective aftercare probably worsened the relations between the two brothers, but I think Gabriel dodged a bullet, here. Oh, and he did have a big sister who ran away with her lover when he was 13 years old. Add to that being forced to kill people, and you have a recipe for mental disaster.

Marie-Josèphe...She does express, narratively to herself, sadness when she believes Charles rejects her. At one point, she asks him if he finds her disgusting for being able to kill without a second thought. To a normal person, it doesn't probably mean much. But for someone who's been raised a pariah, caring what someone else thinks of you must be very intimate, implying a certain degree of trust. She is enraged and griefstricken when Alain is killed in front of her.

With Marie-Josèphe, her ability to love is hidden between layers of honestly betrayal. At the ripe age of two, she witnessed her brother being tortured. She then mimicked that behavior on her doll. I honestly don't want to think what it would do, mentally to a child that young, to see a sibbling being tortured. She was tortured herself by her own grandmother at age 5. Said brother, much later, completely changed his personality overnight, in a sense. When she was tortured, her own mother didn't lift a single finger to help her. Her father...Well, Jean-Baptiste is Jean-Baptiste, and he's not an affectionate parent. Alain left her, and was shortly killed after their reunion. Plus, she was raped at age 10...So, again, the fact she has any ability for affection after being betrayed so many times is surprising.

Honestly, both would need years of therapy, and I don't think their mental state is even salvageable at any point. Marie-Josèphe was actively wanting to kill people since age 4, and was honestly, never taught proper morals by anyone. She is a very underwritten character...So we can only speculate. I think her real chance of finding romantic love would be someone to tell her how absolutely f-cked up her family is. Now, in terms of personalities she is drawn to, they are extremely kind people who seek to make the world a better place, perhaps gravitating towards a goodness, a sense of justice she lacks in herself.

For Jean-Baptiste, he probably knows he's not normal, but probably on a purely cognitive level. The "respectable" individuals on his economic strata, that he knows personally, are absolute monsters, and I think even he knows they are bad people, and probably doesn't want to be associated with them. They also look down on him. Why would anyone want to compare themselves to sadistic creep who looks down on them ? He knows his mother wants to for some reason, but his mother is a woman who sees anyone of her own sex as a rival.

For mutual, healthy relationships, it's probably only friendships with other men. His probably exclusively heterosexual, in an emotionally incestuous relationship with his mother. For him, sexual attraction and familial love go together. Also, it's likely for him, showing he has basic humanity is more intimate than having sex. He really never had a place to express that, outside of religious self-harm. He probably fears, especially after his stroke, that showing humanity would probably cost him: the love of his mother, the authority he has over his wife and kids. His way of showing love is to "be strong" for someone. Like, when he acted like typical angry dad when Marie-Josèphe sadistically massacred Griffin in front on him. Anne-Marthe is the type of person who, I think deep down doesn't want neither children nor a husband, but brainwashed killing machines working for her benefit, just having sons and grandsons is the easiest way to get that. I think someone, who would genuinely show him that they would not think anyless of him because of his heart would drastically transform him. It won't happen over night, and it won't "fix" him, but it will allow a door to be open in his mind.

[atmosphericradar]

I recently finished the first volume X Gender by Asuka Miyazaki. The Goodreads reviews for this first manga volume talk about how messy it is from a representation perspective, and how it's probably not a great introduction to gender and sexuality (especially anyone who might need a supportive voice in this regard: e.g. newly-minted trans and non-binary people, or anyone currently exploring their sexuality more than owning it).

My girlfriend found it for me when we were both browsing at a book store. I hadn't heard of the manga before yesterday, though I get the impression after reading Goodreads that there is someone recommending this manga to a general "weird in the gender" audience. I don't think this would have been a healthy read for me back in 2021 when it was first published, but I am not certain of that.

As someone who entered queerness at the end of their 20's, and still has a long way to go in terms of living my truth (publicly and privately), I found X Gender a refreshingly honest perspective. Many people early in their journey out the closet will consume tons of media (social or otherwise) featuring physically attractive, fashionable queer people. It's aspirational, and it often breeds jealousy and self-hatred.

In online spaces like Tumblr, so-called "baby queers" are told that this kind of "beautiful people" media creates unrealistic expectations (true!), but then turn around and produce tons of media featuring emotionally exceptional, unproblematic queer people. The aspiration never goes away, it just becomes a degree in gender studies and intersectional feminism. Physically idealized or mentally idealized, both media landscapes uphold lofty expectations.

X Gender attempts to honestly depict an imperfect human being's life experiences. The main character isn't a beautiful, charismatic androgyne who charms people with their quirks. They aren't a saintly therapist who lives above the gendered anxieties of their culture. They're a nerd in their 30's living with their mom, who is still unpacking their trauma and gender and sexuality. They have uncommon, perhaps unkind views on relationships and families. They burnt social bridges, and have few close friends. They're bitter and anxious and self-centered. They have a fraught relationship with sex and with their own body.

This is not the story of someone who has their life in order (if it was, it would probably center the character of the General). But a lot of queer people online don't have their lives in order either! We live in a messy world, where coming out as LGBTQ commonly makes someone's life very disorderly! The pressure to be presentable, to be desirable by whatever metrics, is intense. I constantly worry that I'm not "being queer correctly", like I need to earn the privilege of being nonbinary. Reading a story about a realistically flawed person - that never once questions their own non-cis gender despite their society and their personal issues - is validating in ways I've as-of-yet rarely experienced.

Ultimately, I agree that this manga isn't for queer kids fresh out of cis-het society. It's probably not for a lot of people! There are almost certainly better English-language texts out there explaining the Japanese queer scene. But this manga does say "anyone can be queer, even someone you might find objectionable" without wavering. And that was important for me to hear.

[citylawns]

I'm genuinely so scared and ashamed of not being able to put the weight on and being treated like it's deliberate or it being insinuated I'm being vain and callous with my health again when I've been struggling so much with my health these past few years, both physical and mental, and am doing all I can do optimise it. it's literally the complete opposite, I think and care about it often because I have to. these kinds of "I think you're skinny on purpose" underhand comments have been used to chip away at my self esteem for fucking years and having a medical professional tell me that the immense pain I'm in is just my fault because of the BMI my body is is making me associate food and shame again which isn't something I've felt for years - the last time being when I was a kid and how other children and adults would always make some sort of comment on my food intake and my body, literally watching me eat and then deciding to tell me they were "surprised" to see me eat it all. so now bc she told me she wants me to put on 10kg (without even asking what my diet looked like) when I eat and feel full and stop eating I feel ashamed that I don't want to eat more and I know everyones response is always "stop complaining no one wants to hear this bc I starve myself to look like you" I'm just so sick of hearing it from people who are obviously victimised by very sick misogynist society but they're fucked in the head for taking it out on other women who are suffering, even if it is "less so" to them bc I have something they want that's reinforced to them. it's not a narrative that's reinforced to me, we have different experiences and there's room for me to express mine.

I'm just so sick of the bullshit narrative around BMI, food, womens health and bodies because I know women who are incredibly healthy and active but considered "overweight" and are being told all their issues are about their weight (my lovely manager at work has this and its so nice having someone who gets it and doesn't turn nasty or spiteful or say I need to be quiet) and I know I'm going on about it too much but getting my period today triggered all her comments again and I just feel so fucking conflicted and confused because I feel like I'm going crazy... I know I'm slim but I can't believe she thinks I'm so thin I could die imminently if I break a bone !?! she didn't test my muscle density, she didn't measure my body fat, she didn't take my skeletal frame into account... just went on the reductive fucking BMI scale.

I know what makes me happy, I know what makes me feel good, I know what food I enjoy, but I'm still going to do all I can to put on weight but without associating it with punishment and shame and fear as well as trying to eat foods high in estrogen to get this hormone up in my body. if I do manage to gain 10kg and I still have the same issue maybe she will actually start looking into the minor tumour in my pituitary gland that she things isn't enough to affect my estrogen levels even though I literally have high levels of prolactin which lowers estrogen (which they found in me when I was 17 and my breasts weren't growing and my insane mum tried to coerce me into getting breast implants on the NHS by telling me to fake having dysphoric feelings about my body, which is when they scanned my brain and took my blood to investigate my hormones)

I hate how "wrong" I'm told my body is. physically it's too small, skinny but not in the right way. medically its apparently unhealthy according to BMI. and in terms of sex its wrong too because it didn't develop the way other women's bodies did. I've never felt so unhappy and ashamed and insecure of my physical form in my life, perhaps apart from when I was sexually assaulted

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

080 of 2024

a survey for adults

Created by scarintheblue

do you watch or listen to the news?

Rarely. They're always depressing.

what will you do with your tax refund?

How did you know, I'm one of the few people in this country who get a tax return. Probably somewhere in September.

other than your car or your house, what is your priciest worldly posession?

Probably my laptop.

do you have children? if so, how many? if not, do you want them?

No, I don't. At least not on my own. I don't want kids, one stepson is enough.

where do you stand on the state of the national economy?

Hehe, Belgian economy. I'm not gonna say anything lol.

do you think that we should have gone to war with iraq?

No, it's not our war.

how do you feel about the current wire-tap issue?

What is that even?

do you have insurance? is it more of a help, or a hindrance?

In my country, health insurance is mandatory, so yeah, obviously I have it. It's always help, it saved me from huge debt when I landed in the hospital.

are you a college graduate? if so, has it made a difference in your career?

Yeah, I am. It made it easier to get my job since I'm an electrical engineer.

what would you rather be doing right now?

Going to the Polish shop for food.

do you go to church?

Not for prayer as such, but I like to visit churches to find peace.

are you religious or spiritual?

I'm agnostic, I'm looking for answers.

do you feel that you were raised without religion?

Not at all. My parents are both religious, even though they were raised in two different Christian religions.

how do you feel about being an american?

Thankfully I'm not American and I've never been.

what world issues concern you the most?

War in Ukraine.

how do you feel about same sex marriage?

I'm in same sex marriage, here's your answer.

do you think that a woman can be an effective president?

Look at Finland, they made it.

who do you think is most responsible for "the way you turned out?" why?

It's just life and its events. Everything that happens shapes us in some way.

do you feel differently about love and sex now than you did at 17?

Nah. I've never been interested much.

what does it mean to you to committ?

To stay loyal to the one I love. Pretty easy.

how important are the arts?

Pretty important to some. Every profession is valuable and brings something.

are you a registered voter? did you vote in 04? will you vote in 08?

Damn this survey is old. In my country, voting is mandatory so yeah, I'm a registered voter and I do vote.

would you ever join the military? why or why not?

I've been thinking about it, but I'm not allowed for medical reasons.

do you use algebra in your daily life?

Doesn't everyone? Even for simple things like paying the bills and counting money.

what is the most important thing in your life?

Health and family, and of course our cat.

what is the biggest problem in your life?

Poor health. Chronic illness and physical disability.

do you have a guilt complex?

I do, more than it's healthy.

how many people do you know who are in debt?

A lot. But I personally try to avoid it at any cost.

are you happy with your life as it is?

Generally yes, but I still have my moments.

how upset did these questions make you?

Not at all. I'm an adult, after all.

[bunny-heels]

i saw your post about not rebloging from people who are proship and if im being honest, that mentality terrifies me as someone who just learned this word. what if there is a new word that circulates in places im not familiar in and i get blacklisted for just rebloging something specific without seeing the entire blog? i really try to stay on top of all this lingo but it gets tough. also is bdsm proship? bdsm is not a cover for abuse even if people try to use it as such, when done responsibly and in the right communities that value safety as a first rule they often are more aware of harm and the reduction and prevention of it then movements that wont allow the depiction of stories that help survivors identify their abuse. am i proship if i appreciate a artful depiction of an abuse in tv that helps me learn how to recover in a healthy way and find skills to help others not get hurt the ways i had to? am i proship for making jokes that might read as hurtful to an outsider who dosnt know my relationship to my friends/partner? im sorry i just want to understand the line here so i can understand the harm these people are actually doing.

i think youre just terrifying yourself, friend.

proshippers only have 3 terms they use, as far as i know; proship, comship [meaning complicated ship], and darkship [meaning dark topic ship].

you won't be blacklisted just because you reblogged a post created by a proshipper, especially if you dont follow the person who created the post and you didnt know they were a proshipper. stuff like that happens all the time, and not just with proshippers. lots of people unknowingly reblog from terfs, racists, nazis, zionists- hell even i've reblogged posts made by people who were like that. but if youre followers actually know who you are, then they'll know it was a mistake, and they'll likely warn you politely about it just to watch out for you.

BDSM is not proship. BDSM has to do with rough and physically tasking acts in sex that are discussed and consented on extensively. lots of people into BDSM, such as subs and doms, will tell you that they regularly check on each other and have a system to let them know if they're okay or need a break or if something goes too far.

plus i myself am into some extreme things that i would never do in real life, let alone without someones consent. its either a 100% yes or there's no doing it all.

liking media with depictions of harmful topics that put it in an educational or meaningful light is also not proship. one of my favorite indie games is My Eyes Deceive, which i find to be a beautifully morbid game that touches well on the topic of abuse towards children and shows how horrific it can really be.

not proship for making jokes either. i'm friends with a chick who we both used to date the same guy who turned out to be a pedo. we often joke about how we were victims of grooming because really, we were.

checkin to see if a person is a proshipper isnt something scary or even that hard to do you'll find. i mean, if you'd make an effort to check if the youtuber youre watching is racist or if the twitter acc youre following is a nazi, then i dont see it as a lot of work to go to a persons blog and double check to make sure they arent a creep.

which btw, you'll know instantly if they are. everyone on this site is not afraid to say what they like or what theyre into. there is a good 90% chance that if the blog youre checking is proship safe, then they will proudly say it on their pinned post or carrd or whatever they use to put their info. its not too hard to spot.

buddy, you have nothing to worry about, and i promise you its not that hard to be a good person. you see someone who has shitty ideals? just block and move on. you didn't know the person you interacted with was shitty? delete it, block them, and move on. like avoiding a food you find gross in a buffet or taking out the trash. you'll be fine.

[punch-love]

conflict anon here again and im SO GLAD you agree man. i think what really gets me about it is that i was specifically searching for conflict-packed fic and that's why i was so let down. i also feel like authors are entitled to write whatever they want forever but it just FEELS to me when im reading their fics like they would be happier writing something more domestic, and i want to find something where they're more feral.

i want the ID reveal and the relationship-confirming to cause MORE problems, hell i want them to get together and blow out into a massive argument and breakup then have breakup sex and get back together and then realize the sex didn't actually fix anything and then break up again but they can't stop being obnoxiously in each others space either way

but it feels like fic im trying to find like this fights the very concept of conflict so hard and wants one singular plot point to fix everything as quickly as possible without even walking me through the characters' insight as to HOW that fixed anything other than "problem over, let's be together forever now!" let alone the level of conflict that'd be so engaging like that with a million curveballs

im so aware its a personal taste thing its just been frustrating reading fic after fic after fic and finding so little of it. its no ones fault i can't find fic perfectly tailored to my tastes specifically, i just tend to ramble about my frustration. you and oprime and sci and a couple other authors are my favorite for writing it the way you do, she's not gonna die today will always be one of my favorite fics of all time because it gave me that ever persisting conflict driven by their obsessive need to stick together even when they're fighting every step of the way. i just always get into a longwinded ramble when this comes up and i was hoping youd like to share your thoughts so thank you for answering 🙏

I think this pairing kind of presents a unique challenge to writers (at least it did for me) that action and conflict is such a huge, borderline essential part of their canonical dynamic. If you're not used to writing/utilizing both physical and emotional conflict, your stories can often fall so, so flat for these two, specifically because that's the fuel that makes the engine run. The first true action scene I ever wrote was chapter two of love-punch, and I like, now I'm an action writer for life now (editing an action sequence as we speak) but I had to get out of my comfort zone because I realized that type of stories I wanted to write about them required them to beat the shit out of each other to work.

These two are definitely not problem solvers so much as shit starters. I feel like for them, the problems they actually have to solve are the ways they perceive each other (because both of them heavily project onto the other) and what that means long-term for their relationship - every other form of conflict, to me, is up for grabs forever when it comes to their relationship. The shit talking, ass kicking, and fire starting is what makes them, them.

I've said this before, but a lot of people write fanfiction as an exploration of their own ideal relationships. (which is absolutely fine) I think spideypool is a difficult sell though, for that specific fantasy, because their relationship operates on instability and violence primarily. I think most people aren't looking for a relationship where your communication consists of name-calling, beat downs, and moral differences so severe it makes you almost kill each other a lot. That, does not make a good, a good or healthy real world relationship but SUCH a fun fictional one. People are going to write their fantasies out, though, and that fantasy is that one kiss/one fuck/one confession creates relationship fueled bliss forever because many people, hate conflict - both experiencing and reading it. It sucks, if you're a reader who likes problems. I also always say this, but I encourage you to channel that energy into writing your own work. It's what I did, and it paid off so great for me because now I have 12 works specifically catered to my own personal needs exclusively. Fandom is always going to suck, but you can be the change! (and if you don't want to write, that's cool too, sometimes it's good just to get your qualms out into the world and find people who agree)

tagging @primewritessmut again so she can read your praise straight from the source.

It's a tough fandom if you really like their canonical dynamic more than their fanon one, I feel you man. I am always holding a prayer circle that more writers who like problems more than they like easy resolutions joins in and starts writing some real fucked up shit.

[kakashihasibs]

the character everyone gets wrong

sweaty soggy noodle man kakashi is who this is all going to be about so. I don't think everyone gets him wrong. a lot of people do but it's usually bc they're too horny to care lol

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

have you seen him? have you felt his vibes? he is lazy by nature and recoils away from most physical contact that isn't necessary to do his job (and even he doesn't seem to enjoy it). there are like 7 total people he even lets see his face (while knowing it is his face) and most of them are dead by the time he is 13. hang out? sure. do nice domestic couple things? sounds lovely. get naked and fuck? so an enemy can kill him or a loved one while he's distracted? no. he probably has tried scheduling his shits and showers with gai so he's never actually vulnerable. he's also so ace.

Aubu kakashi: "Tenzō I need you to stand outside the bathroom while I shit." baby tenzō: on it boss (thinks this is completely normal bc he is also in anbu)

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

uhhh that kakashi would not only have sex but would want you to call him daddy. that nearly 50 year kakashi who has never worn sunscreen in his life shouldn't actually look old/older. that a young looking kakashi is a health looking kakashi.

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

lol that insinuation that looking young is healthy

5. worst discord server and why

i have never been in a discord server longer than a few days. idk.

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

facebook dude bro fans whoops i misread this. i thought it just said fans. but shipping fans? idk kakairu is a notp for me but the fans aren't overly annoying? maybe the painfully ooc readerx shippers. I haven't seen many in a while tho so

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Iruka lol but only when shipped with kakashi. annoying loud-mouth chunin. whatever dude.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

kakashi fucks and gai doesn't

9. worst part of canon

it's naruto man. everything after the land of waves arc lol

10. worst part of fanon

the bumbling husband and nagging wife characterizations from the kakairu fanon.

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

bruh lots idk lol

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

tenzō T-T

13. worst blorboficiation

i'm pro blorbo. i am rotating these fictional men in my mind at all times.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i don't know.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

fangs v-v and scars.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

people who love kakashi but don't give a shit about gai. those two are like a packaged deal in my mind. can't have one without the other. they are eternal rivals after all.

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

sometimes i just really need a deep dive into kakashi's head. i love the character study type stuff.

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

younger gai and tenzō bumping into each other bc they're both watching kakashi stand at the memorial stone bc they're both worried.

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

there is nothing i am mad/ashamed/horrified about but if you're wondering yes i do enjoy the fanarts of kakashi in bondage. lol

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

the flashbacks are out of control. my memory isn't great but it's not that fucking bad holy shit girl

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

idk i feel like the parts of fandom i interact with are pretty realistic about how good something in Naruto is

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Yaknow how Obito's dream that naruto sees is Obito is back in konoha and becoming hokage but Rin is still dead? like what does obito wish had changed? I think it's if Minato had recognized him. I think Obito was actually praying and hoping for Minato to realize who he was fighting. Obito had a seal on his heart. Minato could have saved him if Minato pulled his head out of his ass for more that 5 mins at a time.

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

none. my kakashi stubbornness knows no bounds

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

idk kakashi discourse is easy for me to ignore.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

none. i love hatefulness drama and kakashi.

[nikkiruncks]

could you do Jeia for the otp ask please? 🫶🏻🫶🏻

1. Who fell for the other one first? They both fell for each other at the same time. Ever since they laid eyes on each other back when they were babies.

2. Was it love at first sight? Yes

3. Was it lust at first sight? They were babies.

4. What do physical trait do they love the most about each other? Jay loves Leia's nose and smile. Leia loves Jay's eyes and smile.

5. What personality trait do they love the most about each other? Jay loves Leia's warmth and kindness. Leia loves Jay's generosity and sincerity.

6. What random everyday object/activity makes them think of each other? Probably Leia's hoodie back when Jay didn't kiss her. And the Vista Cruiser for Leia.

7. What is something they’d want to change about the other if they could? Nothing really

8. Do they get along with each other’s friends and family? Donna and Eric used to be like aunt and uncle to him so him dating Leia was an adjustment but the love was still there.

9. Do their friends and family like their significant other(s)? Despite Eric’s interrogation and strictness, he does think Jay’s a good kid and wants his daughter to be happy. Same with Donna. Kristie teases Jay a bit, but does think he’s a good guy. Brooke and Kelso love Leia and are happy that Jay is with her. Betsy and Leia are friends. Jay and Leia have most of the same friends and they’re really supportive.

10. Have they had romantic partners before? Jay dated Serena but it wasn’t serious as he still had feelings for Leia. Leia didn’t really date anyone pre Jay. She’s had crushes and have kissed people before but not serious.

11. Are they a healthy couple? If no, why not? Yes. Even though they have had their issues, I do believe they were.

12. Do they have potential to be healthy if they’re usually toxic? Yes.

13. Do they have potential to be toxic if they’re usually healthy? Also yes. If Leia didn’t open up about her insecurities and Jay wasn’t honest with her.

14. What song fits them perfectly? Our Song

15. Do they like the same music? Some of it, yeah

16. Do they like the same food? See #15

17. What do they have in common? They both are the younger sibling (Kris and Leia are more like sisters than cousins), both total goofballs, don't make the best decisions, have good hearts, etc.

18. What is their sex life like? Leia was a little nervous about their first time, but Jay reassured her that he loves her and fine doing whatever is comfortable. But after that first time, they're pretty active.

19. Would they ever lie to each other? Why or why not? Not exactly, only when planning surprises.

20. Are they interested in marriage? Why or why not? They're 15. In the future, they're married with triplets.

21. Are they interested in having children? Why or why not? They're 15. In the future, they're married with triplets.

22. Do you have other ships that resemble your OTP? Donna and Eric

23. Is there top/dom and bottom/sub energy? In the beginning, Leia is the bottom but after that, nope. Equally in control.

24. Are there any kinks or fetishes they share or don’t? Maybe not in the beginning, but they do sometimes play songs while doing it (mostly so their parents don't catch them lol)

25. Are they sentimental about gifts they’ve received from each other? YES

26. What holidays do they like? Christmas and Halloween

27. How do they feel about Valentine’s day? Not their fave (also they're away from each other :(. But they do give each other virtual gifts.

28. Are they jealous/possessive of each other? Ehh. Jay wouldn't exactly be thrilled when finding out about neia's first kiss but the main reason is moreso because of Nikki and less to do with Leia. Leia would be a little jealous at first, seeing Mikayla at his house. But for the most part, meh.

29. Do they like public display of affection? Yes.

30. Do they enjoy dancing? Yes.

31. What’s a perfect date for them? A romantic picnic

32. How do they comfort each other? Cuddles, kisses, hugs, snuggles, etc.

33. Who is the big spoon and why? Jay because he loves holding Leia in his arms.

34. What’s their favorite nonsexual activity together? Hanging out at the mall.

35. How do they deal with being away from each other for a long time? Well, they already have to, since they're in a long distance relationship. Mostly just call, write, video chat, focus on their hobbies, etc.

36. What is their favorite place to kiss the other? (Cheek, hand, closed eyelid, neck, nose, etc.) Lips

37. Have they ever hurt each other on accident? Yes

38. Have they ever hurt each other deliberately? They try to in "The Rave" but ehh.

39. Who gets hit on the most? Jay obviously, but the idea of Leia getting hit on a lot and Jay being jealous sounds fun..

40. Who tries to distract the other when they’re trying to do something else? Leia

41. Who is, overall, the smarter one? Both equally smart.

42. Who is the sensible mature one? Come on, have you watched the show lol? Neither of them. They're just immature in different ways.

43. Do they fight a lot? No.

44. How do they make up after a fight? Kissing and hugs. Sometimes makeup sex.

45. If one of them forgot to log out of their SoMe, what would their partner do? Neither log out of their social media.

46. How do they make each other laugh? Lighthearted jokes and Jamie would jump all over them.

47. Are they extroverts/introverts? Leia, I see as a shy extrovert/introvert. Jay is an extrovert.

48. Who would bring home a homeless animal? Jay

49. Do they match outfits for special occasions? Not really.

50. Who would protect who in a dangerous situation? Both.

[badmusejail]

sunday special!

Gaster loves freely and strongly; the post about "I just met you and I love you" is mostly a joke, but it's also somewhat true in that Gaster very quickly comes to love the people around him.

Once he has a name and face and some personality and understanding to a person, he starts to respect them as a person and not just a faceless entity, and he loves life and loves people. He's highly empathetic, and the entire drive of his existence is to help people, and he very quickly comes to sympathize with their struggles and life.

That being said, Gaster is also an aromatic asexual who doesn't really distinguish between types of love and has no desire to love in a romantic or sexual way. He leans very heavily into platonic love, and the unrestrained showing of said love.

He's not afraid of love and he's not afraid of demonstrating or proclaiming it.

Most usually, he prefers to show his affection by laying on or against someone, especially towards the end of the night when its time to relax or 'sleep.' Many times he shows his affection through 'bumping,' lightly tapping the other person, commonly with his entire body while passing by or with his forehead while sitting.

He does not like to be kissed; as he finds the saliva disgusting. Hugs are acceptable for brief periods as long as you don't crush him. He's neutral on hand holding, but it's not his favorite, especially since he's so used to wanting his hands free to sign.

He's fond of giving small gifts--just the sort of things he passes in a supermarket, 'this made me think of you.' He will accept gifts in turn, and is quite adamant about accepting even things he doesn't particularly care for.

He's not super prone to acts of service--he prefers to trust that the people in his life are capable adults that can handle their own business and that his help may not necessarily be wanted or even actually be helpful. That being said, he's more than willing to help if someone wants him to; it just has to be an explicit acceptance. He's not going to push boundaries and force someone to accept help they don't want.

Although Gaster isn't personally interested in romantic or sexual relationships, he may engage in them if its initiated by the other party. At that point, it becomes more of a logical contemplation to him--if he can see himself living with this person and spending most of his time with them for quite possibly the rest of his life. Basically, if he thinks they're compatible enough to share their lives that intimately.

Unfortunately, in his standard verse, he's more likely than not to decline any advances, as he feels that he's not mentally healthy enough to engage in a relationship, and it wouldn't be fair to put pressure on another person to deal with it. That being said, once he recovers to some degree, he'd be more willing to explore and settle down with someone.

Despite being aromantic, he actually is extremely susceptible to romantic gestures; he finds them very sweet; the fact that anyone would go out of their way to prepare something special for his sake shouldn't be ignored, even if it's not particularly something he enjoys.

But, above all, being kind, open, and understanding will get you the furthest with him. (To be fair, being intelligent doesn't hurt either.) He probably already loves you.

As for the ~steamy~ headcanons... Untagged triggers for sexual topics and pregnancy below; mostly passing mentions.

Gaster is an skeleton with no physical sexual characteristics, and he doesn't really have much interest in toying around with human penises or vaginas. They are very strange, thank you.

Gaster can and will engage in Soul Sex if he likes someone and trusts that they can handle the burden of his emotions and memories when entwining their SOULs.

That being said, it's also not impossible for physical affection to just naturally progress into sex if both parties are consenting to it.

Gaster is capable of carrying a child despite the fractured state of his SOUL, and would be willing to do so if his partner is interested in that. However, just because he's immortal doesn't mean that the child is, and if his physical body is destroyed during the pregnancy, the child would die even though he'd reform a few days later.

His most sensitive parts are his spine and ribs, which can invoke a carnal pleasure when stroked; most particularly the internal facing side of his ribs. For that reason, touching him there without consent is likely to get you thrown; and there's really no reason you should be, anyways.

Getting rough with him is also likely to get you thrown.

He can tolerate some mild aggression, such as nibbling on his bones, but he doesn't like it.

He may be morbidly curious about kinks and toys, but it's unlikely he'll enjoy or commit to any of them.

To him, love and sex is about union and harmony; the ultimate bond; sharing their very SOULs. While he understands that many people pursue sex for pleasure and has no problem with them doing so, this is not an end you're likely to get out of him.

He's not inherently opposed to polyamory; but is aware that his anxiety would likely pose too much of a threat to a healthy polyamorous relationship.

[dhaaruni]

Hi! Hope you’re having a good day - mines been pretty shit tbh so if the tone of this is dumb I’m sorry and it’s also very long and rambling so feel free to ignore but I’m just kind of shocked to see you defend being bdsm (aka being against the sexualisation of abuse and violence particularly against women)?

Like ‘what a man does in the privacy of his own home is his own business’ has always been peoples response to mens abuse. I just don’t understand how is it not incredibly fucked to get off on abuse? How is the physical damage done when strangling/beating/hurting someone in one of the millions of ways people (men) hurt each other (women) different when done consensually? If my boyfriend hits me during sex why is it a big deal if he does it during an argument if he didn’t even hit me as hard during the argument as he did in bed? What if he strangled me in bed (something that could kill me and is one of the biggest indicators that a man will kill you) then hitting me isn’t actually that bad in comparison considering the level of harm. What is the difference between ‘after care’ and bringing your girlfriend flowers after hitting her? How does it not create the same trauma bond? A lot of people into bdsm make it very clear that they are mentally unwell (not judging, I am too just different poor coping mechanisms) and I just don’t see how being a masochist different from self harm. How is bdsm not the biggest example of rape culture? How can you recognise the patriarchy’s influence on so many womens choices but not the choice to want to submit sexuality? How are teen girls supposed to cope with their boyfriends literally wanting to beat and rape them but all the adult sources around them are telling them thats totally normal and not dangerous they just need to consent? Because teenage girls are amazing at enforcing their boundaries and totally don’t give in to peer pressure or do things they don’t want to do for male approval. How are you meant to break up with a man who you know enjoys and is capable of beating and raping you?

TLDR : I’m just trying to understand your perspective because it seems very contradictory to your other views like being against rape, violence against women, anti racist, anti incest ect. just everything that bdsm sexualises and normalises

No you're all good, I don't mind answering lol. I'm not letting this be reblogged for obvious reasons though.

I completely agree with you in that societally speaking, BDSM is constantly used to excuse violence against women and it's really fucked up to get off on hurting others, and any man that says they're into BDSM on principle should likely be in jail.

That said, I also think that in the context of consensual romantic sexual relationships between adults, it's possible to enjoy certain things on occasion that aren't super vanilla on principle. And, I'm not really talking about hookups here, I'm talking long-term relationships with people you trust lol. I'm also not giving teenagers sex advice and I think "blowjobs are empowering" feminism that young millennials and Gen Z was raised on did more harm than good to our perceptions of healthy sexuality, but the rumors are true: I, an unmarried adult woman, enjoy sex with people I romantically like and trust as people lmao.

But to clarify, I'm really not a proponent of anything truly extreme, and I'm extremely intentional about setting boundaries and if anybody crosses them, they get blocked and banned for life. I'm generally cool with trying sex positions, but both parties always have veto privileges if something is painful or uncomfortable or simply not enjoyable. And personally, anything involving metal, spanking or hitting, choking, etc. are all total no-gos for me and I will never be swayed on that. A light hand on the neck is not remotely the same thing as asphyxiation, and to even get to that point, I need to trust the guy.

And, I would never trust let alone fuck a guy who can't get off without that stuff! My point is that it's okay to try things out, whether that's basic kink or weird sex positions that you fall out of and laugh at yourselves, not what you do every single time you have sex. If a guy whines about women being boring in bed or "vanilla," kick the man to the curb lmao.

All that said, I would never tell women they're bad people if they are against stuff I'm personally comfortable with. My point is just that sex isn't like a cut and dry thing, and it's really healthy to communicate and discuss what you like and don't like with your partner.

Does that make sense lol?