#“oh dont worry about it i vented to :]”
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me struggling with something: well, at least Claude would kind of relate-
#n is talking#if this man had no one suspect he was almyran despite his features that means he doesnt have an accent because oh god does that expose you#no matter where im at people will only focus on the other side and im no longer sure of how to keep up#because what's in my head it's not what they are perceiving either#uni starts in three days and it's literally almost not a worry to me because im more worried about myself or something lmao#aNYWAY#vent#tw vent#just put me in the lab idc#a lot of claude and tot thoughts these days but i recently dont open tumblr that much;; I LIKE IT HERE THOO
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it's actually, genuinely, honestly hilarious that in a fandom where popular ships include characters who are biologically related, characters with a 10+ year age gap who met when one was a teenager or even a child, and characters who have tried to kill each other, people hate on a friends-to-lovers ship with a <2 year age gap where the characters have a deep emotional bond and plenty of romantic subtext, because "they're siblings". my brother in the force they are literally not.
#i'm just saying. out of all the ships in the star war; sabine and ezra have one of the healthiest dynamics#right up there with kanera and bail and breha and obitine and maybe a few others. there are SO few 'problems' with it.#not that those 'problems' make a ship BAD when it's written well or in certain context.#just that out of all the ships to pick on; people choose THIS one?????#the one with character growth and found family and mutual respect??#the one with self-sacrifice and decades-long loyalty and obitine parallels and a jetpack chase scene????#what's there to hate???#and i would add a disclaimer about how if you dont ship them its fine as long as you dont bully but honestly?#i am so so tired of having to qualify my statements.#this is about the targeted hate. this has always been about the targeted hate.#and i don't care if someone loathes something i love as long as they they keep that loathing out of my personal space.#this has been a tag rant. thank you for reading.#btw i'm not being sarcastic about it being hilarious. it genuinely cracks me up to see people get SO hateful over this#for a reason that does not exist#as opposed to several other ships which DO IN FACT HAVE THAT OBJECTION.#like. oh my gosh. are you even listening to yourselves.#if u wanna have the don't-ship-siblings fight then puhLEEZE bring it to someone who ships siblings.#jessica's controversial star wars opinions#sabezra#(don't worry that this post is a vent because i'm getting bullied or anything. im not visible enough for that i guess lol)#it was written in humor not in hurt :)
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Personally, I think if you describe yourself as a socialist and also have a bust of Vladimir Lenin's head in your house, I should be allowed to smash that bust over your head with no consequences.
#kai rambles#vent post#im just#im so fucking tired of tankies man#yeah mate youre definitely on the left#since you. you know. glorify the guy who killed all the leftist anarchists as soon as he had secured power#i totally believe youre an advocate for restorative justice#thats why you keep a bust of that guys head who either killed his political oponents or put them in concentration camps#yeah i totally dont think your ideology is fascism with a red bow on top#i mean even before the october revolution or the february revolution even. oh and before that revolution in 1905 lenin argued that party#members should not express themselves indepenfent of the party and the party leadership. the whole bolshevik v menshevik thing#yeah no fascist leanings there. not at all. makes sense that you as an anti fascist person would have a little statue of him in your house#and anyway he expelled the mensheviks around 1918 as well as the other socialist parties so no need to worry about that really#i mean he did also oppose the first free election after the october revolution but im sure that wasnt a red flag#haha funny red flag joke do you get it? haha#its not like he then accused the new assembly of being counter revolutionary and forcefully disbanded it and also there were those pesky#protesters marching in support of the assembly who just had to go and march right into soldiers gunfire#he also did partake in sending anyone opposing him or his government to inhospitable environments or just straight to the grim reaper#ugh#yeah he did some good things for russian citizens i wont argue that#but fuck you if you glorify him#he was a fucking tyrant#are you only antifa when the fascism is ringing the doorbell?#or are you actually antifa and pay attention when the fascism is coming from inside the house?
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Sorry for a bit of venting but god people like Dolphin and Rax really make me hate 3H so much. Which is funny since I actually started off liking the game quite a bit. But now? I cannot separate 3H from the horrendous discourse surrounding it. It’s really soured my opinion on the game and made me look at it in a different light.
The dumb 3H shit also affects other games that aren’t it like Engage, which is a shame since I love Engage and yet it was plagued by controversies— including being constantly compared to 3H and its “brilliant writing”.
Honestly yeah. It's hard for some people to enjoy a game when its fandom has such garbage people in it. It's hard for me to look at Edelgard in a positive light (even in the rare instances I defend her) because of how unhinged her stans are.
And 3H constantly being compared to Engage is just... ugh. They're different games. Different story, setting, world, characters, gameplay, etc. 3H was the exception in FE games, not the norm.
#grey borb#edelgard discourse#2 be safe#the way i enjoy 3h is just by engaging with things that spark my interest#aka nabateans#lizards#my lil lettuce people#oh and dont worry about venting lol#im completely fine with it
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Mann….out of all the things my brain could of brought up to wallow in RIGHT before going to sleep did it really have to be the realisation that I’m like. Completely alone in the world. I genuinely have no stable, healthy relationship like at all. Not even with myself. I know I don’t deserve nor am capable of forming and maintaining a relationship of any sort but like GOD DAMNNNN
#maybe not totally alone in the world#got my mom and dad but#lets the brutally real for a second#that shit is the most fragile on and off atomic bomb codependency with a side of walking on eggshells and caretaker burnout#i guess i just mean that i dont have any healthy relationship in my life atm#fun.#also getting that middle of the night urge to text my old bsf who basically ghosted me#rationally its not a good idea#which is whats keeping me from doing it#but man do i want to be passive agressive#bitter#fond#well wishing#wanting to start over when we’re older#a mess of all of the above#oh btw moots#im sorry but#as much as I appreciate the lil interactions we have#its hardly comparable to a relationship#perhaps some of us could become friends if it wasnt for the fact that i know full well im not#im not a good person to be friends with trust#especially right now#all you’d be getting would be a clingy mess who cares little about you actually because im selfish lile that#literally all I want to do is play the games i like together and seldom try yours#i think i make for a fun conversation partner but thats about it#and even then i interrupt and butt in all the time#also dealing with my indirect venting through my posts and therefore worryng about me ending my life would also be unhealthy asf#trust me i know i have many times gone through being friends/generally caring and worrying about someone who self harms/wants to die#it is a nightmare to deal with when you genuinely care for them#so please dont get attached like that to me
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Ough vent but I'm just thinking about the friend I used to have who is a qsmp-er
Just venting under the cut
I genuinely can't belive I settled for a friendship so shitty. I'm very loud irl!! And aggressive!!! I can't belive I let them just... drag me along like that. I would accept their explanations and listen to all their rambles about the qsmp but if I even tried to take about my interests they would look at me weird.
I can't belive how much effort I put in. I have a shitty memory but I made an effort to remember their headcannons!! I drew them fanart when he was sad! God, I bended myself backwards to respect every single boundary they set (and mostly they were reasonable, but...)
It was one of the last times we talked that I fully realized they would never do any of that for me. It was at the start of the school year, after "The Truth" and before that, I had agreed I would not talk about the Dteam around them until the video dropped because the topic it was a bit of a trigger for my friend. When we talked face to face again it had dropped two months ago. But when I brought them up (after they talked about the qsmp) they looked at me weird and I realized they were never going to even attempt to match my energy. They just expected me to chance and stop liking what I liked.
(The way they hadn't even watched it or attempted to learn anything about it. It broke me a little. Just a few days their favorite CC had dropped a document talking about his abuse and I READ THAT SHIT. Even tho I didn't need to.)
Here's my advice: never put in more love then what you're being given, back out of any relationship that is hurting you and BY GOD DO NOT BEFRIEND A QSMP-ER
#vent#the pit in the backyard#discourse#last time I talked in any way to them about mcyt was during the gituation#it sucked#now I could really see the way they never gave me any encouragement or support#no time for me to figure this out. I was immediately being quizzed about it and about 'oh but X and Y and Z'#and the stuff they were talking about was total bulshit#like genuinely fake shit#ughhhh#i cant belive how much love I poured into a boy (nb) who just wanted me to become someone else#I bought him a whole ass hoodie of his special interest! I took care of his cats!!#.... I bought the dteam plushies and never got to show them to my other (non-mcyt-fan) friend because I was so worried about upsetting him#guys no relationship who makes you feel like you're playing mind games is worth it#do you think about what earing to use because you're afraid of what that persom will say? you gotta change smt#i dont think they even realized Im avoiding them now
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#undescribed#ventings#<- i dont wanna elaborate but also dont worry about it its fine#i shouldve taken a nap after i got back from work instead of deciding i could get through the day without one 😭 oh well
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im tempted to make a massive vent post but idk if that's a good idea
#imjusy gonna yap here#i hate how clingy i am#when theyre not tslking to me i get worried#i feel bad#i feel like im not enough#i always get insecure when i dont have constant reassurance and i hate it#i feel like a selfish asshole man#i make everything about me i think about nobody else but me#and i hate how im like this#i feel like someday theyre gonna get tired of me#tired of my bs#tired of me constantly needing reassurance#i fucking hate being insecure i hate it i dont wanna be like this#i dont how “quirky and silly” ppl make it out to ve#LIKE I FUCKING HAGE MYSELF AND I HATE MYSELF FOR HATING MYSELF#oh my god#rant over#vent post
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I’m going to lose my mind oh my god I am so scared for this quincenera wtf
#NOT MINE BTW I MISSED MY CHANCE LMAO#but Jesus Christ family I��ve never met before flying in from Panama…. god I’m so scared#I’ve already been dealing with some wack ass imposter syndrome ass shit cuz of how I was raised this is gonna make it SO MUCH worse#I DIDNT EVEN KNOW PANAMANIANS GOT QUINCES#i was raised with almost zero influence from any culture whatsoever I wasn’t even raised close to that side of the family#and like I’m mixed with white but I can’t even use that as an excuse cuz the cousin who’s quince it is is also mixed#and that side of the family is super tied to the culture and they speak Spanish and shit#i don’t even speak Spanish even if the family from Panama doesn’t think ima. total embarrassment what if most of them don’t speak english#when I’m surrounded by white people 24/7 I feel like a total outlier but the second I’m around anyone else latine I feel like that but WORSE#i don’t speak Spanish I don’t know anything about the culture I’m from the fucking pacific northwest and do digital art and watch anime#i am so far completely removed from everything I’m gonna be sick#my grandma is already so judgy about stuff my uncle was even WORSE and made fun of the stuff that was too white or too American about me#my cousins throwing the party are the least of my worries cuz at least their mixed and second/third Gen too#but oh my god the family I’ve never met before I’m so scared I’m so scared#i was already thinking like. can I even call myself latine bc of how I was raised and how far removed I am from everything. I’m mixed so -#-should I just associate myself more with the white side of my family. am I being fraudulent by identifying with that term just bc I have -#-the blood is that even enough maybe that kid had a point when he said I shouldn’t count as hispanic if I don’t know spanish#and thinking about showing up to my cousins quince as. me. it’s terrifying it’s awful I want to go I want to meet these people I want to -#-celebrate my cousin and be happy for her but GOD what if everyone hates us and just tolerates us cuz we’re related to them#i would say we’re the black sheep of the family but I feel like white is more fitting cuz I feel like we’re just slightly brown white people#god god god I’m so stresssd out by this#is this a weird thing to be worried about is this stupid is this selfish#and to make matters worse I DONT KNOW WHAT TO GET HER FOR A GIRT#vent
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I love getting to be excited about art and stuff, I love getting to share my feelings! It's so fun!
#and so scary! because of the previously mentioned feelings of being too much about everything#i cant even say “oh well but when it's art i like then I'm fine” because i still pause halfway through my tag rambles#and worry#worry that I'll annoy the artist#worry that I'll weird them out#worry that they'll look at my excitement and enthusiasm and passion and be . I dunno. freaked out?#i don't mean to be a lot#i just. i just dont have small words for how I feel#because i don't have small feelings#vent
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Finished my run of Mortum’s romance and.
#full spoilers in these tags here my guys#fhr#fallen hero retribution#fhr spoilers#fallen hero retribution spoilers#okay so 1. love this gal she’s so awesome and knowing she vented to her friend about our dumbass decisions makes me weirdly happy#you are so girlboss mortum#anyways 2. shes so lovey dovey and the fact she takes the time to keep you comfortable first is sooooo ❤️#her specifically getting cozy with you only after establishing you’re comfortable is so sweet of her#dont ‘bar is on the floor’ me btw because I have another piece to that in why it makes me so emotional#gonna talk about dubious consent here for a second so BIG warning okie? okie.#3. the scene after you reveal yourself as a regene to her and she asks why you had sex with her and you explain how you do things-#for humans because that’s what you were built to do meaning you acted for her desires not your own meaning she ‘pushed’ you into doing it#that was so devastating and I mean specifically for her as someone who clearly values consent a shit ton#yes you may have liked it but you did it cause you thought it would make her happy not because you wanted it like oh my god that hurts#she prolly understands regenes at least to some sort of degree shes a smart well connected woman so learning your bf is actually a regene-#has gotta have so many cogs and questions and worries shooting through her mind#you were made to serve humans you were controlled and abused by doctors like her you clearly fear her to some aspect#its heart breaking because of how much love she shows you and how much love she just has in general even as a villain#sorry yall I just can’t stop thinking about that scene like that had to have been so harrowing for her#it’s not your fault mortum you literally couldn’t have known even if you tried because our ass is so secretive#but it felt like it left off on a hopeful note#you both understand things so deeply about each other now and you can rebuild#start over and try again in a better safer way#one where you’re honest with her#AAWASG TH GFHFHFNGN it was really good it was so good#love that gal mortum so much#built out of love and vinegar she’s so awesome sauce#and with that I’ve played all the fhr2 romances#I can’t decide which romance is my favorite but I know which is my least (and it’s not my bbg mortum love ya)
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not a vent but discussion of sui (i am FINE do not WORRY ABOUT ME)
every time i debate sui, every single time, the one sole thing that keeps me from it is this tiktok i saw. crazy i know but hear me out
this tiktok, wasn't a sui note or something. it was a tiktok about this person apologizing for trying it.
to their cat
and, i have a cat. two cats, but one of them in specific seems to love me very much. i do a lot for the cats in the house in comparison to everyone else here, and thus, he's taken a liking to me.
and one thing in that tiktok that stuck out to me was: "i'm sorry i didn't put food in your bowl when i got home." (or something along those lines)
and it hurt me, as a cat owner, and i think i cried reading that because the cat must have been so scared, worried, confused. must have been waiting for food, must have been trying to figure out why there were men coming inside that they didn't know
and honestly, what if that was me and my cat in that situation. i'd feel awful. terrible owner, and i'd never live it down if i survived but my cat was so, so scared, and confused, for however long it would have been
tldr when i live on my own my immediate goal, is to get a cat. of my own, for an incentive to not try anything drastic. because i need to be there for my future cat. to feed them, water them, love them, everything. that's my plan, and it'll work because every time i'll think about it, i'll remember that tiktok. and i'll almost cry, and i'll find my cat and i'll pet them and love them out of my own thoughts, until i realize i need to live for that cat, if not for myself.
#tw sui talk#cw sui mention#I AM FINE GUYS IM FINE my thoughts are just very silly rn#i keep remembering that tiktok and going Oh My God#ANYWAY IM FINE DONT WORRY ABOUT ME IM OKAY#I PROMISE <3#because its kinda a really fucking heavy topic tho im gonna TAG this with#xanvents#even though im nOT venting because i am fine#its just me having some randomm thoughts at 1036 am on a wednesday#im FINEENEENJTSHJKDFNG#cannot stress enough that i am okay
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aaaooughhh. cook for me fictional other. fictional other. cook for me
#cherry chats#or just. get me food. pleeeeeeeease im asking so niceys#i didnt. get any food today Cause they freaking forgot me#which. shoulnt be a problem because im almost 19 i should be able to make food for myself#but. as it turns out. i canttttt#and anyway i like to imagine papyrus cooking for me because he loves cooking and i think making food is how he shows he cares 4 ppl…..#or one way at least#blegh. anyway im not gonna go full vent mode on here because who give a shit but. it also makes me feel so STUPID 4 not being able to do#like. basic stuff like feeding myself#so. i think papyrus would like making me stuff to eat and also encouraging me about it#also. hed be good at forcing me to eat in a way that doesnt make me feel bad#ive talked about this before but i feel guilty when i tell people i havent eaten in awhile so i lie and stuff…..#like ‘oh i ate not too long ago so im fine’ and then#‘not long ago’ means like. 3 days.#and it makes me feel guilty and makes other people worry and then THEY feel guilty cause they cant really do anything#but papyrus is cool and awesome and smart so he doesnt make me admit it out loud and he makes me eat stuff even when i dont wanna#but. in a way that doesnt make me feel bad either. hes a master of psychological manipulation But like good#like. i tried a new recipe and you HAVE to taste it and tell me what u think or ill look sooo sad and dejected ^__^#blarfgh. anyway -_-#i wish my cool awesome bffsie papyrus was here to make me awesome food
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#gonna be venting I guess lmao#this is what happens when you delete your twitter account I guess lol#I'm getting real tired of being me but above all of being someone struggling with substances. it's hard to be kind to myself#especially because I feel like I dont deserve it#I'm burying myself in debts I barely talk to my friends I'm trying to build routines but it all falls apart the MOMENT I relapse#I've self-harmed for the first time in years I've been more suicidal than ever and I can actually see my body breaking down#and it's hard to care about me cuz well. I've never cared about me. and every time I talk to the people I love I try to put on this front#bc I don't want to upset them or make them worry about how unwell I actually am#and honestly...... I'll be so surprised if I survive until the rest of the year. I honestly don't see myself surviving past my nephew's bday#and that's... two months away? how can it be two months away already wow time really flies when your a piece of addicted shit#not the best way to refer to myself but Oh Well lmao#I'm sorry I'm not a good person to be around friendos. And I'm sorry if my death is gonna affect you/traumatize you but like#me dying would make the life of a LOT of people better. and I think it'd make me happy to go out by doing a good deed I guess lmao#anyway#here's wonderwall
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I was telling my mother about some interesting Symptoms™ I've been having and putting them all together like that. maybe I'm stressed because my body is falling apart. that might be a cause. like
#like oh my god. girl help im having symptoms even doctors dont know what to with#i told her about the last time i saw a dr for one particular health issue and he told me if i were older he'd investigate for cancer#but bc im young he isnt going to bother#and then just sent me on my way without much follow up like 'if it gets worse its probably fine and dont come back'#and she was very concerned#im still not sure how concerned i have to be about it#bc if it was a real medical problem then he wouldve said come back if it gets worse#but also im in pain and bleeding all of the time and as time goes on my body seems to be like getting worse at performing certain tasks#and developing more and worse symptoms#i should maybe get a second opinion on that one but im also right in the middle of testing for my high blood pressure#and also going back forth with gender clinic about surgery#and trying to manage my disabilities#and trying to care for my terminally ill cat#so like i dont have the TIME#or the energy#i DO wish my body could hold it together for like a minute#a breather would be good rn#dogbunni diary log#sorry again. have no one to vent to#i cant bother my parents too much about this bc they worry enough about me as it is and have enough stress in their lives
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posting stuff online because i truly just love sharing my silly creations with anyone who may also love them vs. wanting to deactivate and move to a forest every time i'm met with positive feedback (i am terrified of people and of being recognized/acknowledged)
#THUS IS NOT A GOOD MENTALITY I KNOOOOOWWW I KNOW DBSJDBSJH im just a non functioning little guy ok#i've gotten out of the 'worried about numbers' phase early but now it's been this fdhsjhsjghs the content machine is unforgiving#there's so many layers to this im TRYING to like slowly untangle all of it but. ugh :(#sometimes i think maybe i just need to stop doin merch and art altogether and touch grass or whatever but...#i dont want it to be my irrational fears that force me to stop doing stuff i like. it's not like there's any other problems#really -- otherwise i like doing what i do!! i don't even really care if ppl hate me and my shit BUT --#i think i care too much about not doing good enough for the people who DO like my little sillies 😭😭 and i think that's my main issue#maybe also explains why it's so hard for me to like.. talk/put my PERSONALITY out there? im scared that ppl who enjoy my stuff will hate ME#implying i have much of a personality anymore i think whatever was there kinda melted away these past few years djshkshk#SORRY FOR THE VENT POST sorry if u actually read all these tags oh my gosh#i'm just a weird guy aaaaaa i'm silly aaaaaaaaaaaa#the void screaming
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