#oh and dont worry about venting lol

[deathbirby]

Sorry for a bit of venting but god people like Dolphin and Rax really make me hate 3H so much. Which is funny since I actually started off liking the game quite a bit. But now? I cannot separate 3H from the horrendous discourse surrounding it. It’s really soured my opinion on the game and made me look at it in a different light.

The dumb 3H shit also affects other games that aren’t it like Engage, which is a shame since I love Engage and yet it was plagued by controversies— including being constantly compared to 3H and its “brilliant writing”.

Honestly yeah. It's hard for some people to enjoy a game when its fandom has such garbage people in it. It's hard for me to look at Edelgard in a positive light (even in the rare instances I defend her) because of how unhinged her stans are.

And 3H constantly being compared to Engage is just... ugh. They're different games. Different story, setting, world, characters, gameplay, etc. 3H was the exception in FE games, not the norm.

[xavieremix]

.

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

I do kinda hope we get a sequel, it’d be nice to be able to talk about Lorabetta again

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 18

outed anon, genderqueer anon (new), hijab anon (new), panromantic anon, intrusive thoughts anon

Outed Anon

Hello Cas this is outed anon (again lol i keep comming back)

This isn't really a vent post im just frustrated about smth and need to let it out lol

So in my country you cant have a private chat with a teacher. This law is ok but it also doesnt allow contact through librus (an official side with grades and shit i have no idea if yall have it in america im sorry) if its not on the weekdays.

Now im in the drama club and this is my first year attending so im one for younger people there ("first time in drama club, kinda nervous"). Unfortunatelly everyone is pretty lazy and im one of the people that do things when nobody wants to do so. Its annoying af but im living.

Now there is an art festival and the teacher who is in the club wanted to participate. She asked who could sign us in and do the 'paper work' (answer emails, calls, write them and keep an eye on deadlines). The crowd was silent so i said i could do it. Turned out people offered NO HELP. When i asked things i needed from them to sign us in (their full name and age) i was left on READ and they only answered when the teaher asked them to. Im on my last fay of the winter break and i just got an email from the festival that we unfortunatelly didn't got in because we didn't choose a date they will watch us play. I ASKED THE GRUP CHAT TO CHOOSE DATES. no answer. They had the CONTACT WITH THE TEACHER (her phone number i think) and they had no problems in asking her to choose. In act of desperation i wrote her an email on librus asking to please choose the date because noone is helping and im not going to choose a date because they will be like "oh but i cant why did you chose this" "but i have a doctor i cant goo". Now I have to go there, say we didn't got in, listen to them whine how they wpuld do it better (no one wanted to do it) and that now we need to way a year to participate again. I cant i have one of the lead roles and im thinking about droping this shit because im reciving no help, its my first year in thi fucking school, im not that liked in class, i have to deal with people older th3n me WHINE into my ear how they dont think im doing the right thing. I Just CANT.

Thankfully my friend who is also in the drama club said she will take over my role if anything goes the wrong way (thank gods for her kind soul) so i dont have to worry about the hole in the cast left after i leave.

I also got a shitty role so i aint doing that

Yeah thats all as i said its not really a vent im just angry lol

Hi <3

Honestly it sounds like this is the fault of the other students in the club- not you or the teacher. And now they get the consequence- nobody gets to go to the festival. I'm so sorry nobody was supportive, but if people give you shit, I'd just nicely be like "yeah, I wish more people replied to my messages" and leave it at that. You have a right to be angry, imo.

_________________

Genderqueer anon

Hi cassss!!!

I’ve been wondering about this for a while now. Am I transphobic?

For context, I'm genderqueer. That's because I always had weird feelings about gender but not enough to be a trans man. I like people seeing me as masc and being confused about my gender, and genderqueer seemed appropriate.

I like girls. And everyone under the Enby umbrella. But I don't like dicks. Not at all.

I think trans women are women and trans men are men. I use people’s preferred pronouns (I mean we don't have gendered pronouns in my language, but I do it online). I don't like guys (not anyone who isn't fictional anyway) and I like trans girls CUZ THEY ARE FUCKING GIRLS. I believe that trans women (and enbies alike) deserve to be in sapphic and lesbian spaces and communities

But I wouldn't want to have sex with an amab trans individual who didn't have bottom surgery. Because I don't like dicks. Not specifically penetrative sex, just anything to do with a penis.

And there is a chance that I can be aegosexual anyway. In that case, it might not even matter. I’ll figure that out much later.

The last thing I want to be is a transphobe. My internal homophobia went away on its own, but I had to dismantle both my internal and external transphobia manually, and I really fucking hate transphobes.

I know most trans people don't care about what an individual thinks, and there aren't trans folks flooding the gates to be in a relationship with me, but I feel guilty about my exclusionism

Nope, this is not transphobic! If you said you didn't want to be with a trans woman because you think they're not a woman, then that would be transphobic. But not liking dicks is just a preference, and that's completely fine. You're allowed to like what you like and dislike what you dislike!

_________________________

Hijab Anon

Hi!

I’m not sure if you would be able to give me advice but I’m gonna ask anyway bcs maybe you could lol

So I’m in Highschool and I live with my parents.

My parents are super religious Muslims and I’m also Muslim I was raised Muslim and I also wear the hijab and my problem is that I’m also bisexual and I’ve come to terms with that and I’m happy with my label but my parents are very homophobic at some point a few years ago they found out I’m bi and completely pulled me out of school and made me cut off all contact with my old friends and I was so scared and lost for a long time. We’re in a better place now with them thinking I’ve “healed” and I’m straight now.

And I just don’t know what to do I love my parents so much and I don’t want to cut off contact when I get to university bcs that means I won’t only lose them I’ll lose my siblings too (who also share my parents beliefs) and my parents are meant to pay for my university when I get there and I’m scared to risk that too.

I also don’t have any friends to talk to about this due to being put into a Islamic school after everything that went down before and I can’t risk coming out to my friends and seeing if they would support me.

I really don’t know what to do and sometimes that feels really scary

-🧕

Hi! First of all, if the anon name is offensive, lmk. I was just trying to pick something so you knew it was you!

I can definitely understand why this feels scary. It must feel really alienating and lonely.

I think my best advice is to focus on what's best for YOU. Not your parents or your siblings or anyone else. What will make you happiest and safest?

It might be that for now, you stay quiet and wait until you go to school. Let you parents pay and wait it out. I know you're nervous that you'll be the only one there who's queer, but I promise that you won't be. The good and bad thing is, you're not the only one who's forced to stay quiet about this. You can start to quietly build a support system and slowly find your own way when you feel ready.

Or maybe you feel like you need to do something now. In that case, you need to look up options for people your age who are on their own.

Or maybe for you, it's worth it to stay quiet for a long time, because you want the peace and safety your family can bring you. That's okay, too!

Whatever you prefer is understandable and it's a very personal decision. My advice is to try to build a support system (carefully) no matter what, and if you DO decide to make a move, have a plan first.

Sending love <3

__________________________

Pan romantic anon

Pan romantic anon here, had lunch together on valentine's day (it was cookies and cake and coffee) she bought my cake, I made her heart shaped cookies. We talked and hung out as always. The day after that we meet up with the rest of the group, talked and had dinner together in one of my other friend's house. We talked about classic things, talked about love life, acedemics etc. how she was happy being single, how she would prefer staying that way in our exam year. I mean, me too, because it's distracting to have a boyfriend. But like. It hurts a little you know? Just a little. I proitize my career too, I would rather to study rather than dates too. But I still wish we could do study dates, we could cuddle at night, we could kiss and all, don't have to give too much time, just being together. Hell, I don't even ask for dating at this point, I just wish I could somehow get her like me. That's it. I just want that, really. But oh, how I hate it when all the girls describe their perfect guy and I know a girl or anything else doesn't even cross her mind, not because she is straight, but because we live in this hell where it's expected. And I, I feel like dying. Oh how I wish she liked me. Oh how I wish when the day ended and she kissed my cheek, when she said 'i enjoyed today!' it meant romantic.

Not even that, you know? Even if it's plotonic I would want to be close to her. She color codes the things she loves. In her calendar, some of her friends are pink, the best friends of her, the ones she loves, actually loves, the ones she knows for years, the ones she is planning to live with, plotonically but still her first choice.

And I am purple, and I know I am not close to her that much. But I feel so bad. I wish she could chose me like I would. Not even romantic, just want to be in top 5. It sucks to see your number one puts you in number 10 or more maybe.

And like, I know it's not fair. I know she doesn't have to. But she lays on me (literally, on our desk, lays back on me, on my chest while I am holding her, how am I supposed to breath in this situation, I have anxiety god.) she kiss my cheek and I know it's plotonic especially considering where we live but like, I think I am gonna die.

Hi <3

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I still think there's a chance she feels something deeper for you than she's letting on, but I also know that I don't know your culture or friendship, so I don't want to over-hype you up, either. I know it's heartbreaking to feel something for someone who probably doesn't feel the same way back, and not much I say is going to help with that, but I want to remind you that it's not you. There's a lot of factors here, and it sounds like she really does care about you as a friend.

I'm sending you love <3

__________________

Intrusive thoughts anon

hi, its intrusive thoughts anon.

firstly, how have you been? how was your valentine's, did you do anything fun? (i didnt even know it was valentine's day until like hlfway thru the day lmao)

its nothing for me this time, just. my friends goung through shit rn, and literally nobody in her family sees it. even her sister (whos my bsf) insists thst shes perfectly fine. but i know that she isnt because shes let it slip a few times, and i try to help her as much as i can but the issue is that i see so much of my young self in her that i want to stop her from continuing down the oath which led me here but at the same time i have no way to confort her?

she says that she knows she has to stidy but its like her brain is broken and she cant do anythinf, despite knowng that she should. my bsf and her entire family insistently shit on her for being on her phone and reading all day, but i think they forget that she uses it merely as a way to cope.

i dont know how to help, cant tell any authorisesd figure or her parnts or anything cz we simply do not live in that kind of society. i can offer nyself to help but idk how to do that eithef?

so this is me asking for your expertise, please help me help my friend. im so worried about her that i think about it day in and out.

tysm, cas.

Hi!

My Valentine's Day was good! I went to an Escape Room :D

Honestly, I think you should tell her exactly what you told me. That you see yourself in her, and you're here for her. Know that she might not take you up on your help, but don't stop reminding her you're here. Do things you would have wanted someone to do, you know? And just...be there. I know it doesn't feel like a lot but it can mean SO much to someone.

Sending you love! <3

[snowflakeb0ttles]

vent under the cut bc i need 2 talk about it but i dont know where else 2 get it out so. lol

i am so like. genuinely sick of people acting like they know my own life better than i do like. its always out of some "worry" or whatever but i still think its stupid and it pisses me off.

ive had the plan for years now to start up my etsy/twitch/youtube stuff, get a "real" job til those pick up (probably years and years down the line obviously), and then eventually not have to work a "real" job anymore because of it. (long term i want to make my own video games but thats likely after all this). but everyone seems to think that it wont work out, or my stuff isnt good enough, or im pricing things too low, or im stupid and i dont know that a lot of it is based on luck, or that those markets are saturated already, or that im just lazy for not wanting to work, or that i somehow dont realize thats not feasible and im naive or some godamn toddler who doesnt know anything about the real world etc.

like its really tiring constantly hearing about how its unrealistic, or that you need to suffer to make a living and you're obviously gonna need to get a real job like everyone else/keep the one youve got once it doesnt work out for you dumbass. or hearing that im charging people too little for my art because "oh my friend sells his portraits for hundreds" okay. am i that guy. do you understand how anything works. like who. asked for your opinion???

hearing from people like oh maybe you should try this, maybe you should try that, as if i dont already have plans. and like yeah maybe some of it is because im stubborn like that and if im set on something im not gonna listen to other peoples opinons of what i should apparently change or whatever because like. im doing me. im doing what i wanna do and ill get there, and im not stupid for thinking that it could work out for me.

yes i know its not guaranteed, yes i know im probably not gonna make that much, yes i know i need to work a "real" job too in the meantime, i do not need to be told over and over again like i dont already know these things.

not even just that but also hearing from everyone (friends even sometimes but mostly family) that its weird or its childish to want to play/make games for a living, or make earrings/plushies/charms, or do character art for people, etc. jokes like oh haha youre just a little gamer lol how cute. or just having it seem like everything i enjoy and love is just a joke or something funny or something that makes me a child that i'll just eventually realize is stupid and start functioning like a normal person instead. even just people not really understanding and giving (well meaning? sometimes?) weird looks about stuff puts me off so much. like oh no :( shes stupid...does she know?

its very much in the same vein as like. school bullying that isnt really bullying i guess. like knowing that people just think youre weird but nobody ever says it to your face but like. its Obvious yknow. that weird like, kind of pity/worry(?) but its still funny to joke about type vibe.

i dont know! i dont know where i was going with this but im just upset. be yourself who gaf what people think xoxo love youu

[blueserpent9]

Oh um also.. SORRY hehe i just forgot to mention this in my last question … did you ever get bullied for your age regression?… because i do at my school because some kids found out (also that im a system) and i… idk i dont know anyone else who is a Little and im realy worried im differint you know.. sorry for venting i know u like dont know me lol .. but yea

—🎀🍼🍭🍬🌷🌸💤

So sorta. Kids bullied me for acting like a kid and for being to immature and not fitting in. They never knew (and hopefully never will know) why I act childish randomly. Only about 4 people know and they help me get through the school day without having any meltdowns or being noticed by bullies. So like sorta but they never knew about my regression. and you're fine to vent, I love talking to people! And if you wanna vent more (I'm not great with advice lol) than you can

[stonedstargazer666]

I just did the hardest thing in my life.

Now I'm not sure how to go about talking about something like this.... i'm not all here mentally so just bear with me.... TW: Death, passing of a loved one, and organ donation. self harm mentioned.

I'm in Louisiana… Got here yesterday, everything feels like a blur… yet it feels like it's moving in slow motion…. It feels really good to see my stepmom, and stepsibs and my half brother Bear who came down to Louisiana JUST for me. Bear and our dad didn't really have a relationship, not the way I did with our dad. But Bear came down from Minnesota for me..... and I'm truly grateful for that.

My dad was legally pronounced brain dead on September 3rd 2024. Yesterday, September 4th, 2024. He had his Hero Walk from his ICU room to the ambulance bay…. i feel… I dont know… I've only ever have seen that on like med dramas before.. ya know? There's a place out here were they take him to handle as they put it "His gifts". Because he was an organ donor… I'm so proud of him for that Oh my gods I'm so proud of him for that…. but that walk… seeing all those doctors and nurses staff. some of who are my step moms co workers… it was the hardest thing i have ever done/ had been a part of in my life…. there is already a recipient of his liver. My dad is going to save someone else's life….. (we just got a call from the place that he went to, they were able to recover his liver, and two other things for transplants!!! THREE THINGS. MY dad is helping three different people!!!!)

Before we did the Hero Walk, Bear got to hang up a flag in honor of our dad. which was flown at half mast at the hospital. He's keeping the flag. Yesterday I had the honor of recording his heartbeat, and it's on my phone. I haven't listened to it since recording it.... I'm scared too, but I know that I wanna save up to get a Seattle Seahawks bear from Build a bear and put his heartbeat in that. I know it's going to kill me everytime I play it, but I think it'll also help???? the jury is still out.. lol

THe hero's walk was so surreal.... seeing that in real life.... I...I don't know how to process it... the doctors, nurses, and staff lined the hallways from the ICU to the ambulance bay.... it was so quiet, and I was sobbing the entire time walking behind my dad. He really is a hero... and my respect for him grew. I already had so so much respect for him. But wow.... The hero's walk was up til today, something I only saw on med dramas.... it felt so heavy, every single one of those people in those hallways had such a heavy look of respect and admiration for my dad. I feel like I'm shock kinda.... just a lot going on my head I cant keep things straight tbh...

Everyone has been a mess, but I think my stepmom and I take the cake on being a mess. (She doesn't have Tumblr, and none of my other family do so i'm not worried about them seeing this heh...) I have been dissociating a lot... I think... been blasting Sleep Token a lot to deal with this.... I never thought that my dad would be gone so soon... It's weird sitting in his chair writing this, knowing that he would usually never let anyone else sit in it... I have moments of hearing his voice when it's completely silent.... it's a sound that I will never forget, and his deep belly laugh when you would get him rolling.... his smile... Gods... I don't know how to feel.... it's weird to be here without him.... I wouldn't be sober if it wasn't for my dad, yeah I made the choice to get sober, but he helped me. He let me scream, cry, vent.... I didn't go to rehab, I literally detoxed on a greyhound bus on my way to Ohio. but when I got to Ohio. My dad was a Video call away, and I called him a lot. He didn't care about my ramblings, or the fact that I can never stay on topic.... he did the same thing.

We are cremating him, and having a wake for him with a viewing... which is going to be really hard for me honestly. After seeing him in the ICU.... but I think it'll be nice. and by cremating him. I'll be able to always have a little piece of him with me always. I just need to find something for his ashes, something that means something to both of us. Just us. I don't know where to even start... I'm not gonna be able to do anything until next month anyway...... I honestly feel so lost right now.... I keep thinking who am I gonna call. and my first thought is my dad....

I can't call him, and it hurts so much. But I know he isn't in pain anymore. He's with his dad, and grandpa. He's with my grandma, and aunts who loved him. But.... I feel lost... my heart hurts so much... I know that I'll learn to cope, and with a lot of time. It will get easier, but it doesn't feel like it. It really doesn't...

there is a GoFundMe going... i can get it from my stepmom if anyone wants it.. it was set up by a family friend.. just dm me I guess. i'll answer DMS but that's really it.

Me and my dad in 2019 in Idaho

This picture of my dad, I'm not sure when it was taken, but he looks so cool.

My dad when he was about 17 or so and his Mopar, this is my absolutely favorite picture of him. Picture courtesy of my Uncle Floyd on Facebook hehe.

Then these are pictures of his flag, the first three I took from the parking lot of the hospital. the last one my brother Bear took. I'm gonna post more photos of my dad. My Uncle Floyd, his brother is sending me a lot, and my stepmom and I are going through his facebook page and shes telling me stories about some of them. While going through some of his stuff... I know its soon.... but honestly... I'm keeping a lot of it. IDK where I'm putting it. But so far its mainly clothes, and stuff me and TJ one of my partners can wear. Might give my other partner a shirt if they'd like....

My dad is a hero, and is going to be saving someone's life tonight with the gift of his liver. I am so proud to be his daughter, but at the same time I am so hurt that he's gone. A small piece of him is going to live on with somebody else, whoever that is. I know they will be grateful for this, and that makes me happy. so happy, my dad loved helping people. So he is very much a super hero in my eyes.

Fly high daddy. I love you so much. You are saving one more life tonight, and I am so proud of you. So very proud to be your daughter, thank you for being my dad and one of my best friends. Even if you said that we weren't. I feel in my heart of hearts we were, I will never stop thinking about you. Or what you would do, or say. what jokes you would make, or how you say them. I love you so so much. I know you will be watching over us from now on, and that you wouldn't want me crying. But dammit dad... you know how I am... I can't help it... It's going to take a while before I can think of talk about you with crying. and you know it. you were always my hero for many reasons....

Do you know how hard it is going to be for me? Not being able to call you? Not being able to excitedly chitter to you about small things like my crystals or tarot cards? or...or calling you crying because I don't feel good or I have cramps and you make me feel better by making me laugh?? I know you know... I get the concept. heh.. But...I guess something is coming from it. I'm getting to know my Uncle Floyd better... He misses you a lot dad, Floyd loves you so much. He's sending me all of these really neat pictures of you guys... and he was making me laugh. Explaining the difference between having a mullet, and having long hair with bangs... lol

Floyd has been checking in on me and everyone almost daily, I haven't talked to him this much ever... which, yeah I know I can't take all the blame. He even said so.... You know you two are so much alike its kinda scary. heh. He called me princess the other day while I was on greyhound. I don't think he was thinking about it to be honest. He's been calling me kiddo a lot, kinda like you did. I think its cute. hehehe. But I think sadly this was the push I needed to connect with him more... He also has a really nice voice, just like yours. And the push I needed to connect with Kim more too.

I know that because of my mom, my relationship with Kim has been kinda weird. But I'm realizing that... some information was revealed and more clarified to me about certain happenings with my mom and wellll.... let's just say there are A LOT of emotions right now with that... I don't even know where to begin on that.... woooboyyyy dad... there's a lot to unpack there... and I know we've kinda touched on this crap here and there and really talked about things from your point of view. But Kim told me stuffs that.... Well I'm gonna need to talk to my therapist about it first because I really don't know how to process it. Because it was during the time I was treating you so horribly.... and I'm sorry... I didn't fully know or understand what was going on. I know I know I don't have to apologize for anything I know. But knowing this new information..... I'm sorry..... I'm so sorry. Ok i'm gonna try not to say that anymore. TRY.

I'm taking a lot of your clothes to be honest, oh and Ace is like my best friend now. Look! HE HUGE DAD HOLY FUCK

As soon as I started talking to Floyd Ace came out and started loving on me. I love him so much dad, he's so soft and sweet oh my gosh. But he misses you. He's definitely your cat lol for sure your cat. Everytime attacks Kim I giggle I can't help it. it's so funny, Tucker and Flash miss you too. Tucker has been so happy to see me. I love those dogs so much. I'm so happy to see them, and cuddle with them!!!! it's been so nice to be writing this and being able to set this aside to love on one of them for a minute. It's also been nice to spend time with Bear, We hung out a little yesterday.

He needed to run to Walmart, I tagged along cause well I wanted to go for a car ride. and I wanted to spend time with him too. He did drive all the way down here for me.... and yeah I know. I'm just glad he's here, he's getting some kind of closure with all of this... I know I've always been kinda like the fixer.. always trying to fix things... like relationships. like with my mom and Kim.

I now understand what was really going on... and I...I can't fix that. I can't, I have my own shit I need to worry about dad... like how i'm gonna live without you.... how am I going to do that?? I know I have TJ and Fruits... Kim, Bear, Floyd... Yes I've been constantly talking to TJ. I've been keeping him updated every step of the way....

But not you.... goddammit dad..... I know I'm going to be ok eventually, but this fucking sucks right now... My mind is racing, one minute I'm laughing about something you joked about or said, the next i'm shaking and sobbing because you aren't here... I feel like i'm constantly panicking.... I would totally lose my mind if I wasn't here with Kim and them... honestly I think if I wasn't here with them, I think I would be hurting myself right now or wanting to be really badly.... and that's a scary thought to be honest. I don't know if I do right now... but so much has been going on that I haven't really thought bout it frankly. I'm keeping a lot of your shirts for myself and TJ. I'm gonna see if J wants any of them. If not, well I'm not worried about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I promise to take good care of your shirts that your dad gave you. I have a lot of good memories of you two together, so to have some of these shirts that I vividly remember grandpa Taylor wearing when I was little, then seeing you wearing them... now me... its.... very special to me. And I'm very honored?? I'm not sure if that's the right term, but i'm gonna go with it...Of course I'm taking your Kiss Blankie, and one of your Seahawks shirts. my favorite one. the one you always wore, you know the one. hehe. I even have the shirt J and I made for you when we were teeny tiny. My handprint is so small oh my gosh dadddd... I promise to take good care of it.

Gods....there's so much more I wanna say. But I'm not really sure how too... I definitely feel like i'm still in shock...I thought I still had time... Dad... You HAVE to tell people when you don't feel good, I know you don't like people worrying about you but... THIS IS WHYY!! GOD dad.... I'm happy your not in pain anymore I'm so happy for that, cause god knows that you hated it so much... But this was too fucking sudden for everyone. Too fucking sudden old man.... Christ... leaving me...us like this... fucking hell dad.... I just... I need you. here with me. I'm always going to need you. I don't know what I'm going to do without you.... you were a really good man whether you believe it yourself or not.

You ARE a good man, you saved three different lives.... but mine is going to be changed forever and you know how much I hate change like this..... Honestly personally I don't think I'll ever really get over this, or this trauma... I really don't think I will. I hate this so much I do. plain and simple. I want you here with me dammit, it's not fucking fair! It's so not fucking fair!! I hate feeling like i'm being selfish when I know this is normal....I feel like I have to be strong for everyone else I don't wanna be. I spent most of my life hating you because of my mom!!! I HATE MYSELF FOR THAT AND ITS NOT MY FAULT. I missed out because of her, and because she lied to me about a lot of things..... and that's time I will never get back with you.... that kills me so badly..... like oh my gods it hurts bad.... so much..... I know there is still a lot of high running emotions. But you know how strongly I felt and loved.... gods... How am I going to this without you? I know I will..... but right now...I don't know how... I really don't know how..... I love you so much this hurts so badly.... I don't think I can properly pet into words how bad i'm hurting.... how badly i'm missing you right now. I know for a fact that if you were here right now, we would be talking about everything under the sun. Gods I need that right now..... I really do daddy... I just wanna talk to you, and laugh and hug you.

I would give almost anything for just one more day.... just to hear your voice, see your green eyes. hear your laugh.... feel your arms around me... I am so glad that we were able to work on our relationship. So fucking grateful. you mean so much to me daddy, you really do. I hope you know how much you mean to me.... I really really hope you do . I love you dad. I will talk soon.... maybe... might start a sideblog with letters for you... I'll have to think about that for a little bit. But I love you daddy. I will talk you later. toodles....

[littlepopatochisp]

Woe, SDR anthem character headcanons be upon ye

We’re gonna start with my husband 🥰

• first of all, bro is gay as hell. Not a single woman loving gene in that twink’s body.

• I’ve also gotta hit him with the trans beam, I can’t not at this point lmao.

• he and rett are legally married, they’re just discreet about it. They don’t wear their rings in public because they worry about it being weaponized in battle, emotionally, Y’know?

• I also think Pyke might be somewhere on the ace spectrum, but he’s not repulsed or opposed to sex.

• pyke is literally the most oblivious motherfucker out there when it comes to being hit on. Unless rett’s doing it or you’re super obvious about it, he won’t pick up on it.

• I’ve said this in a different post, but he wears makeup. He doesn’t really go overboard with it on a daily basis, just a bit of eyeliner and some subtle eye shadow, but he’s not opposed to dolling himself up when the opportunity arises.

• I think this one is more heavily implied than headcanoned, but he’s definitely got some sort of trauma from being in prison.

• he is one of the most protective people you will ever meet. As much as he pokes fun at ziggy, he will punch anyone who so much as looks at him the wrong way (I think this one is also just heavily implied lmao)

Next up, rett

• once again, I’m hitting him with the gay and trans headcanons. Gotta get some T4T action on this ship (/hj)

• he and Pyke did that thing where they both tried to propose at the same time when the big moment ™️ happened and it was very cute (fuck I just gave myself another fic idea-)

• he’s got ptsd from his time in the military (idrk how anyone could go fight in a war and not walk out of it with ptsd but then again I’m not a psychologist) but he tries his best to try and not show when he’s struggling. Pyke has had to talk with him about not hiding shit like that multiple times.

• he’s never really been one to talk about his feelings, even before the war. Hank has somewhat helped with this, being alone with him on a ship for gods-know how long will do that, but he still struggles to vent to other people (Pyke is the exception)

• he’s always had a knack for mechanics and engineering, even as a kid.

• if he isn’t immediately distracted with something, he needs to be doing something with his hands, whether he’s fidgeting with his fingers or tinkering with a project or something like that.

• this is one that is just basically canon at this point but oh my god he’s so dad-coded. I swear, I bet he sneezes like a dad too.

• he’s got tattoos on his top scars, I just haven’t decided what they would be (I’m leaning towards phoenix wings but idk yet)

Ziggy time! The silly guy!

• I’m hitting him with a quadruple A battery (aroace and AuDHD).

• I also think he’s got a bit of self-esteem issues, but definitely nowhere near as bad as someone like jericho’s are.

• he’s a very repulsed aroace, which is another reason why rett and pyke keep their relationship on the down low (not that they were very openly romantic in the first place lol).

• he collects bottle caps, like most fallout fans do.

• he’s very used to rich person coffee brands, so his first cup of shitty coffee on the rhapsody was…a shock to say the least.

• this might be my anti-government side showing, but I dont think that ziggy’s parents paid a whole lot of attention to him. To me they were both neglectful and kind of overbearing, hiring Nannies and other people like that to keep an eye on him at all times as a kid.

• his goggles function as prescription glasses, as well as helping him see into the hypergrid. Yes, he does do the anime “pushing up his goggles dramatically” thing despite not watching anime

• he hates crying in public. In his mind he’s too old to be getting upset like that, and it’s embarrassing for him.

MY WIFE MY WIFE MY WIFE!! (Ko time)

• butch lesbian alert. She is the lesbianist lesbian to ever lesbian.

• Y’know how everyone draws Pyke with star earrings despite him not having earrings? I think we should start doing that with Ko except with spiked bracelets.

• she also wears makeup. Although most of the time when she’s wearing makeup it’s for a concert she’s going to.

• she and Pyke have occasional sparring matches/fighting lessons for ziggy (rett also likes to watch, totally not because his husband is a fucking badass what who said that)

• I fully believe that her sister is dead. I think she died due to a drug overdose, from drugs specifically bought from big thunder. Ko doesn’t like talking about it, for obvious reasons.

• Ko decided that ziggy is her new little brother, and she will literally kill anyone who messes with him (this comes with regular sibling teasing).

• she’ll occasionally dye her hair, mostly because of how easy it is since her hair is white as snow. She doesn’t do anything drastically different, maybe just a line of color or something like that.

• kinda like how pyke has a specific morning routine, she also has one. Except where Pyke meditates, Ko works out with weights and barbells and shit like that

[xxcrumbxx]

Hi so heres some wips . Also warning for vent art under the cut , its not gory just some Crumb lore .. Whitch is not verry happy but whatever. Anyway i'll have excplanatshon's under it and dw Im almost completly healed from my copious amoutts of verrying trama that I won't get in to bc why would i do theat here when I worry it will make my theerapist upset lmao anyway.( Also side note my bff thought it was fnaf fanart and my younger self was Mickle Affton witch is hallarious and I do heavaly relate to him lol.)

LEEETTTSSS GOOOO

The text says, you look at love like a pice of meat,OH youre poor poor crocodial heart

Fun crumb facts

1, my eyes are two different sizes bc of child hood head injery

2.my vision puts a stadic blure at low opacity over everything bc I got a chemical burn on them from a time I tryed to burn a house down when I was a tween. I splashed the mistory chimucul in my eyes. It was a long ,painful,embarasing walk home( I wasnt even abule to chetch the house on fier bc the match bounced off the window and went out on the ground) also now light phisicaly hurts my eyes now but atleast I keep'ed my near 20/20 vishion in the dark aside from the previusly mentiond stadic

A gross one kinda idk tw for saliva

3. I have over acctive saliva glands whitch means I drool alot and its not even the right texture for spit it, has no bubbles just puddles on the floor or what ever I get it out and sometimes i have to pick it up ir pull it theres no mucus in it and its clear and i dronk plenty of water so idk why its so thick. I cant do the action of spitting bc theres to mutch and it will get on me.If let it sit it fluds my mouth and I can't swallow it bc its to thick. It also heals my wounds and stops pain more effectivly then outhers ( along time ago I told a friend about it and we compaird on there wounds ,mine made it heal 2 days sooner then theres and stoped the pain instead of lessaning it)

3. All my teeth are eather sharp or riged even the flat frount ones sometimes cut my toung bc of the grouves. also I have an over bite so I accsadently hurt my toung on them frequently enughf for it to be a near constant worry .

Anyway now for the cut

CW mentions of neglect and phiscical and emotional abuse not depicted but talked about. Its okay if you can't or dont wana see/read or care I understand and wish u a lovely day ( TLDR/ Im a gard dog . I kin tf out of moon )

Okay so for the first drawing .

As a kid I was heavaly neglected, offten locked outside with my two dogs Nahnouk and Daisy. They whe're more like my parients then my actual ones for resions I dont wanna get to into. But yah this led to me having dog manurisums and sochal issuse. I was also offten vurbaly abusd and my human dad would call me a "MUTT BITCH" aswell as wet the bed alot bc of the multipule kinds of abuse, Anyway as punishment they shoved my face in it and spanked me whale yelling at me like how they punished the dogs ...they would also loudly yell NYaAANT at me and the Dogs when we did soumething bad instead of just saying noe even tho we all knew that word .

I still have a shit tone of dog like manurisums and behveral ticks and will always reliy on body languige

I miss my mom and dad, mom would bring me food and try her beast to clean me and dad tought me how to fight and block my self from the humans. :]

The secont drawing ( i kin moon so mutch)

Its of my younger self protecting my mom and siblings. With the word gladeator over an over in the back ground. For my whole life i've always had strong urges to protect that came along with my behveral issues. I always indangerd my self to protect the inocent not regesturing that I also was inocent and should have been protected. . Its showning how i got my head trama that permnetly made my eyes two different sizes and broke my jaw . I was proecting my famaly from my human dad who was a meth addict . Mom couldent do it bc she was holding my baby brouther ( and was to scared to move) and my older brouthers have a different fear respons then me. I am a gard dog ive always been a gard bog and ill always be a gard dog. I take pried and grate pain in it . Victory is my only payment . And in victory always comes monthes and months of cripaling iscolatshon meds and intrapment bc I was seen as a unstabule threat and not a protector ... Ironic .

[st4rshiptr00per]

vent post whatever the fuck

i cannot stop fuckinggggg thinking about the shit my brother + sil said to me yesterday. like yeah they were upset whatever but its one thing to be kind of a dick to somebody because youre stressed and its another to imply......all of that shit. like my brother apologized to me afterwards. but oh my god it was so revealing like apparently you think im just not tryinf to help myself or take care of my loved ones. like i already knew that they dont really get what it is like to live my life with my brain in this period of time, this job market, at this age but that shit floored me. "if youre not enjoying like living there you should try to move out!!" I LITERALLY CANT. I CANNOT. I WONT BE ABLE TO EVEN START MOVING TOWARDS DOING THAT UNTIL NEXT YEAR, IF ANYTHING EVER ACTUALLY IMPROVES FOR ME AT ALL. I WAS BARELY MAKING IT BEFORE I WAS SUDDENLY DISABLED. im living in my personal nightmare, in a house with two other people each experience their own unique long-term traumatic events, but im apparently not trying hard enough to take care of them, when i am barely capable of keeping myself fed from day to day.

like. when i "took a break from school" (dropped out) because i straight up could not pass my classes no matter what i did they were like "oh dont worry youre a hard worker youll come back and finish it" like no bitch!!! maybe one day when i am heavily medicated ☺️ but you need to be ok with the idea that there is shit i am just straight up not capable of sometimes. like oh my god i have spent my whole life being horribly inept at shit everyone else seems to just get naturally. and then you imply that im struggling cuz i just havent gone and solved all my own problems yet. and im supposed to not get fucking furious with you.

and i dont even know how to approach them about this because the other thing that has been fucking me up is that they just leave me out of almost every family conversation. like they try. Sometimes. but no i dont get any family photos from them, i only get to hear my news secondhand, they talk to me for like maybe 10 minutes total when they are literally in my house. really having it reaffirmed for me that i am the least favorite family member lol

[eddiediazswife]

Oh for fucks sake. I saw the posts about the priest a few minutes after I sent you the ask about what was happening. And god do I have some thoughts.

Do I think the whole eddiexpreist thing is more of wild spec than anything?yes I do. But did I also think that of all the bt spec going around pre s7??I did. So now I'm dreading s8.

It's like you said if they wanted eddie to get with just anyone then they could've done the whole eddie and tommy thingy but even then I believe it would have been more of a kiss him and tommy's gone situation compared to the clusterfuxk that it is now with him staying till the end of s7. And with eddie especially I feel like once he knows something he'll probably realize everything that's connected to it as well. So if he's realizing he's queer it is gonna take him to buck. Unlike buck who goes oh so that's what I didn't know and not look any deeper. Maybe that's just me but yeah.

And also I really would like atleast one queer realization arc that doesn't revolve around getting with just anyone. Mainly because I'm such a demi eddie diaz truther. And as much as i want the demi rep because can you imagine seeing such a demi coded characyer for years on your screen and then its actually canonized, i dont trust tim or anyone else on the top for this show one bit. Especially after tim said that he doesn't plan out the season and writes as he goes. They will do the most for the drama and I don't trust them not to drag out buddie just to keep it going or something. .

Now eddie dealing with his complicated relationship with religion?that I can do.

I think I'll most probably keep up with the show through tumblr because like i said i dont trust them. I dont have any expectation. I have zero expectation for them to do anything actually good but that's also because I'm a pessimist at heart who's been burned too much.

(Sorry for the long ask. I didn't realize I had written so much)

Honestly feels like that’s how I’ve felt for the last few seasons Buck will cheat with Lucy? No way wousl never happen (it did), Buck gets with Taylor after what she did to Bobby? No way (that did too), Buck will kiss Tommy one of the original racist/misogynistic members of the 118? No way will Tim go there (he did again), Tim will find a way to bring Shannon back from the dead? Absolutely not this isn’t general hospital! (He so did it) so I have no faith that Tim won’t go there with Eddie and the priest but I will despise it more than all the other story lines that I have hated.

I agree with you that when Eddie has his realisation it will lead him straight to Buck because I think it will be Buck that encourages him to look at that side of himself. I think Tommy is just a plot point and Buck is going to learn some big lessons there which will help Eddie and being them even closer together.

I think Eddie absolutely needs to del with his religious trauma as part of his character growth but not by banging a priest.

I’m the same right now I’ll keep up with stuff here before I commit to watching because no way am I interested in season 7 again.

P.s, don’t worry about the long ask lol I really don’t mind people venting here

[ollie-garden]

mildly long rant that was originally talking about how the family dynamics in beautiful boy are sorta like my family except it got wayyyy off the rails is below. its lowkey a vent near the end but idgaf! its my blog!

im trying to watch beautiful boy and it might just be my pattern sensing way better while im on adderall bjt. why is this oddly similar 2 my life. lol why did nic go from being really awesome and cool and extroverted to just doing drugs all the time because he figured out that like when you do stimulants or really any drug you actually feel organized. and you feel okay. and normal. even if you dont act like how other people act it feels normal to YOU and you feel like youve always supposed to have felt like that. even when those drugs arent meant in your body at all and you could die doing them. they always just make you feel something youve convinced yrself you cant feel anymore. anyways the dad in this movie is really like my dad. and its just really weird because normally i dont feel bad convincing my dad that im not on drugs. okay well i feel a little bad but not 100% bad. but when i see nic just blatantly lying to this guy that so clearly cares about him and is trying to help him im like oh what the fuck thats fucked up! he should tell his dad that hes using because hes literally just trying to help. i dont know. it feels like i shouldnt tell my dad i abused drugs at all, let alone the fact im doing it again, because everyone will totally freak the fuck out. but then i think about it and im like... wouldnt i freak the fuck out if my teenage kid told me they were abusing prescription medication and almost died last year doing it? i mean my dad was concerned when i told him a friend of mine snorted ritalin when she was nine (which was a lie-- when i told him, it was yesterday. i didn't want him to freak out even then and think my friends were making me do drugs or anything.) he was so worried and told me to ask her more because "a kid who fucks around with drugs turns into an adult that can't let go of them". i should have told my parents when it was shaping up. i dont know. i wish my brain was like fully normal and not a shitshow without drugs. also unrelated but ive started losing more hair than normal because the adderall abuse has started again. which sucks. i like my hair. but i like not failing and not sleeping more. i think one of my friends is going to be able to tell tomorrow even if i try to avoid the topic. he has this subtle kind of worry. i think he knows i get scared if its too direct. it culminates in telling me i should sleep more, telling me sleeping one hour and loving it is really just the allegory of platos cave, when asking if im on adderall he coats it in a community reference. fuck i dont know. i think im socially withdrawing again which sucks because even though its hard for me to form actual connections with people and ive never felt like someone understood me on a deep level except for my friend who passed, i like having friends. i like being normal. i like talking to people. i like people treating me like im normal. i think in the long run the only trajectory for me is to never touch any sort of drug ever again which REALLY sucks because i really like them. i dont know. when im 18 i think i should talk to my dad about this. he'll understand. g-d that sounds so cringe. "when im 18". im not like a baby i have competent thought and can control my own actions. im not some dumb teenage asshole trying weed for the first time. i think in the short term a good course of action would be doing mushrooms and seeing where the fuck that gets me. i sort of need any kind of guidance and the only adult i would normally talk to about that i dont talk to anymore and the one friend that actually gets me is dead. so like i dont really know where to go from here so i think just trusting a plant to do its thing might be a good idea. i dont even know what im doing.

[pipwife]

"pro-para but anti-contact" i am once again begging you to learn what a paraphilia is

like. these people cannot genuinely be against people having shoe fetishes, can they?? they don't actually think that having a foot kink or a hand kink automatically means it shouldn't be acted on it, do they????? do they????

like, listen, if you're anti-contact for paraphilias that would be immoral to act on, like, say, paraphilias involving children or other nonconsenting parties, then just say so??? but you can't just drop "if you're a plushophile or an objectophile, you must never sin!!!!!!!! pray to jebus for forgiveness!!!!!!!!" and expect people to take you seriously 😭

[snekdood]

oh and just so yall know, before i forget this; my ex is the one who started the whole “you’re gonna get beat up” shit by telling me their military cis guy friend who still lives in my state wants to fight me. so if yall have an issue with me wanting to fight my ex then get off my ass about it and go confront them 

[ii-zi]

No depressing vents/terrible medical updates tonight!!! I'm actually in a v good mood jsjsjs

[viridescent-lament]

things are weird but its prom night and im going to eat as much dessert as i can lets goo