#“let me go get an adult to handle this”

[johnwickb1tsch]

lessons in anatomy XIII

a yandere art professor John Wick x drawing model muse! reader AU... (also featuring Matt from River's Edge. If you haven't seen the movie that's ok, I will fill in the gaps as we go...) warnings: dark adult themes, violence, sex, drugs, yandere shit. plz don't read if u can't handle it ->chapter map

XIII.

-You thought you’d done a good job talking yourself up to it, but you are so embarrassed, when you get up on the model stand, and it's time to start class…and you simply can't do it. You freeze, absolutely unable to bring yourself to take off your robe, to expose yourself again after your near brush with…whatever the fuck those creeps intended to do with you. 

“I…”

You don't even know where to begin to explain. You wait for John to say something cutting or sarcastic. To be a jerk about it, annoyed that you're stalling his class.

You watch warily as he approaches the model stand, hands in his pockets, the very picture of the brooding artist. Yet when he looks up at you…there’s an empathy in his dark eyes that squeezes your heart with a fist. He could have pushed you over with a feather when he asks, “Are you alright, y/n?”

Sadly, you shake your head, hugging yourself. “I’m…not sure I can do this right now. I'm so sorry.” You sway on your feet, and he must sense something wild inside you, a mare threatening to bolt, or a statue ready to tumble, because he holds up his hands as though to steady you–those large, eloquent hands with their impossibly long fingers.

You don’t know what possesses you, when you take his fingers in yours, holding on to him like he is a life line. They’re strong, and calloused, and for the first time since waking up after your mishap you feel somewhat anchored to the world around you. 

He lets you hold on to him, his expression softening for you the way it used to, before you had your heated little tiff over Matt’s work. His voice is low, and calming, acting like a balm for your troubled soul. 

“That's ok, y/n. It's your choice. Do you maybe think you could sit for us with your robe on?”

You think about it a few moments before nodding. 

“Alright.” He squeezes your fingers encouragingly. “Let's do some warm ups, then we'll pick a pose.”

You nod, and somehow, this small gesture of support empowers you again to do your thing. 

- You're not sure how he knew you needed it, but in the end you decide on a reclining pose. John produces blankets and pillows from the closet to make you a comfortable nest on the otherwise hard model stand, and you hate to admit it, but…you fall asleep. 

You haven't been sleeping well, and something about being here in this place you love, rather than your cold and lonely apartment fulfills something you've been missing the past few weeks. 

By some miracle, as though even your sleeping brain knows, you do not move from your position even in slumber. It takes a gentle hand upon your ankle to rouse you,  and you wake with a start to find John standing over you. 

The room is empty of students; through the windows you can see that night has fallen outside. Fuck.

“I'm so sorry,” you immediately apologize, bolting up right. The class ends at six. How much longer did you keep him here?

“It’s ok,” he says in his soothing baritone. “Are you…ok, y/n?”

You look at him looking at you so earnestly with those infinite dark eyes–it ties you up in knots, and you feel like you can't hide a thing from him. Like…he already knows, and just wants to give you an outlet to talk about it, if you want. 

“Something …bad happened at the Monster Masque,” you admit in a whisper, looking fixedly at the corner of your blanket beneath you. “I've just…felt weird, ever since.” 

His frown is like a thunderhead, forbidding and beautiful. “Do you need help, y/n?”

You shake your head. “No. I think…the matter is closed.”

“Oh?”

“I think…someone took care of it for me.”

“Who?”

“I…don't know. Maybe someone I met at the ball. I think…” You look to him, drowning, and you can't help but compare his stare to the black satin shine of your Lone Wolf’s eyes. Dear lord, do you have a type. “I think he saved me.” 

John lifts a single dark brow to this. “Sounds like you have a guardian angel, y/n.” 

A shaky little laugh escapes you. “Yeah.” You think that guardian demon might be more likely, but you don’t say it aloud. 

When you dismount from the modeling stand the concrete floor is shockingly hard and cold beneath your feet; your leg tingles with pins and needles, having fallen asleep. You take a step and would have stumbled–-but John catches you, holding you in his strong arms. 

You swear you didn’t do it on purpose, but you find it’s a very nice place to be. There is something hauntingly familiar about being held like this, tucked against his chest with his arms around you. You look up at him from so very close, and you realize something is different. 

“You cut off your beard,” you say, maybe with way more wonder in your voice than the observation actually warrants, but there's something about being able to see the sharp lines of his jaw that moves you to your toes. 

“I trimmed a little.” He doesn't scold you for staring at him like a star struck idiot. He seems…content, to stand like this with you, while you are reeling in this bottomless freefall into deja-vu.

He has a distractingly beautiful mouth, lips full and infuriatingly kissable. You cannot tear your eyes from the lower half of his face; the sum total of its lines strum some forgotten chord inside you.

Is it possible?

Your memory is so fractured from that night. Nothing is clear amidst the bits and pieces that remain to you. The gaps are large as a canyon in your mind, yawning fissures in the landscape of your memory. Whatever those boys drugged you with…it really fucked you up, and just thinking about it makes you want to hide under John Wick’s chin and not come out for a week. 

You decide that you are wishfully projecting your hopes onto this man. That he had much better things to be doing on Halloween, than masquerading around in an animal costume just to flirt with you. 

“Have you been eating, y/n?” he asks, squeezing your sides gently. You suppose he remembers how much padding you had from the last time you were in his hands. The memory of that lightning-charged squabble compared to how he handles you now makes you weak all over again. 

You shrug, embarrassed for some reason. “Not…well.” 

He nods, because he already knew the answer. “Come home for dinner with me.”

“I…would hate to bother you.” Deep down you want to say yes, and yet you cannot shake the dogged mantle of your hesitance. 

“No bother. I think it would be good for you.” 

He's being polite, yet there is a firm insistence in his tone that leaves no further room for argument.

“Okay.” You manage to keep the tremor out of your voice as you agree, and you decide to give yourself a point for bravery. Your score’s been running in the negatives lately, and maybe this will be good for you.

Or maybe you'll ruin it, the way you ruin everything, eventually.

TBC...

___

->chapter map pinterest board/ photo credits

[fuckyeahmarxismleninism]

Washington Post: The trans Americans turning to guns for protection

Rodriguez explained why she thought trans people were taking up arms. “A lot of trans people kind of share the sentiment of death before detransition,” she said. “If our hormones are taken away, we’d rather just kill ourselves. So, we’re not going out without a fight.” --------------------------

Gift article link

Full text of paywalled article follows:

The trans Americans turning to guns for protection

“Trans people have every reason to be afraid,” said one trans woman who went out and bought a gun after President Trump was elected.

By Hallie Lieberman BELLINGHAM, Wash.

February 25, 2025

Until recently, May Alejandro Rodriguez was a big supporter of gun control.

A 21-year-old Mexican American trans woman who is a student at Western Washington University, she was interested in producing music and snapping photos of her friends on Fuji 400 film.

But Rodriguez, who voted for Kamala Harris, changed her view on guns when Donald Trump was reelected. She had heard the stories from her trans friends in red states: being forced to use bathrooms that didn’t match their gender identities; having gender markers switched on their drivers’ licenses. She saw kids losing access to hormones and feared adults would be next. She thought back to the trans high-schooler who was killed in her hometown and the trans teen who was attacked in Bellingham last year.

“Trans people have every reason to be afraid because we are being attacked,” Rodriguez said. “Every single day, another right is lost.”

She believed Republicans were playing on fear to stoke transphobia, so she thought trans people should play the game back. “They’re going to fear us no matter what,” she said. “So let the fear come from a place of reality.”

And so when she turned 21 in November, Rodriguez bought her first gun, a Rock Island Armory model M206 revolver.

After the 10-day waiting period, she picked up the weapon and filled out a required form asking whether she was Latino.

“They’re making a database of Mexicans owning guns,” she said jokingly to the White male gun clerk.

“I think it’s racist and a shame,” she recalled him saying. She was surprised by his sympathy.

Rodriguez posted videos of herself shooting on social media. Her Reddit post got 1,500 upvotes. “A lot of people messaged me and they’re like, ‘Oh my God, it’s so cool to see you have a gun. I think I want to get one,’” Rodriguez said.

When Rodriguez recognized she was trans at 14, she handled things herself. Believing her Mormon mother wouldn’t be accepting, Rodriguez bought hormones from a Mexican pharmacy both online and in person. She came out in her junior year of high school. Her mom still hasn’t acknowledged that she is trans.

Rodriguez explained why she thought trans people were taking up arms. “A lot of trans people kind of share the sentiment of death before detransition,” she said. “If our hormones are taken away, we’d rather just kill ourselves. So, we’re not going out without a fight.”

The Washington Post spoke to a dozen trans people for this article. Many of them spoke on the condition of anonymity — or insisted that only their first name be used — for safety reasons. All said they were arming and educating themselves about guns because they were scared of what Trump’s presidency will bring. “Kamala is for they/them. President Trump is for you,” one election ad famously intoned.

Hate crimes against trans and gender nonconforming people had already increased 16 percent in 2023, according to a Human Rights Campaign report based on FBI data. At least 32 trans people were killed in the United States in 2024. One in four trans people reported being physically attacked because of their gender identity, according to a 2022 survey by The Washington Post and KFF. An analysis of Bureau of Justice data from 2017 to 2018 in the American Journal of Public Health found that trans Americans are four times as likely to be the victims of violence than cisgender people. Three-quarters of trans victims of fatal gun violence are Black and Latina trans women, noted a 2024 report by Everytown, a gun-control organization.

Hundreds of trans men and women rally outside the Supreme Court on Dec. 4. (Marvin Joseph/The Washington Post) In the first few days after Trump took office, he rescinded the order allowing transgender people to serve openly in the military, signed an executive order declaring that gender is binary and declared that trans female prisoners housed in federal women’s prisons must be moved to male prisons. He also moved to end federal support for gender transition care for people under age 19, as well as to ban transgender athletes from competing on girls’ and women’s sports teams.

“People respond to situations of threat or uncertainty by seeking security. And one of the things that people associate with security in the United States is firearms,” said David Yamane, a sociology professor at Wake Forest University who studies American gun culture.

“Anecdotal accounts suggest [an increase in trans gun buyers] is absolutely happening,” Yamane added.

At least 2,500 people have joined the subreddit r/transguns since the election, according to the subreddit’s moderator. National LGBTQ gun groups Operation Blazing Sword and Pink Pistols told The Post that they have seen an uptick in interest in membership, which includes classes. Clara Smith-Elliott, the founder of Arm Trans Women (ATW), an organization that teaches gun-safety courses in Connecticut and Virginia, said her courses have started selling out.

Smith-Elliott thinks an increase in anti-trans laws may be driving interest in her courses. “People who already don’t like trans people … are seeing [anti-trans laws] as tantamount permission to act out against our community,” she said.

“People literally come to me in tears because they’re so scared of what’s going on. They don’t want to have to learn how to use a firearm, but they recognize the need.” Some of those signing up, Smith-Elliott said, are mothers of trans children.

“With personal protection being the top motivating factor, an increasing number of Americans are choosing to exercise their right to self-defense, as evidenced by the recent explosion of new gun owners from all demographics,” the NRA said in response to whether it had seen a rise in trans gun ownership.

Trans gun owners are part of a larger American tradition of minorities purchasing guns for safety, Yamane said, citing the Black Panthers in the 1960s and women seeking self-defense options in the 1970s and 1980s.

“What’s happening today among trans people is in the tradition of people demanding their rights and saying that they’re willing to defend those rights with force if necessary,” Yamane said.

Some gun purchases may be driven by the fear that being transgender may be classified as a mental illness, which could prevent gun ownership in states like Colorado that have “red flag laws.” (New guidance from the Department of Health and Human Services asserts a person’s sex is “unchangeable.”)

A queer Colorado firearm instructor named Drew said he visited a gun range a few years ago and a poster about red-flag laws was pinned on the wall next to one about rights for trans people. “The general implication was, if you were queer, you were mentally ill enough to not own firearms,” said Drew, who spoke on the condition that only his first name be used.

Before Rodriguez bought a gun, she asked her friends for a reality check. Before the election, they would have told her not to buy one, she said: “This time around, no one told me I was crazy.”

Rodriguez is sitting on the gray sectional in her third-floor apartment, pink-lensed prescription glasses perched on her nose, her lips painted a Taylor Swift-style red.

She points her revolver at an “Eyes Wide Shut” poster propped up against the wall.

“So, if you want to shoot Tom Cruise over there, you really want to line it up,” she said to the group of women gathered around her.

Watching the demonstration were Max, 25, and Luci, 19, trans friends Rodriguez knows from college, as well as June, 23, a cisgender barista in a leather jacket. (The trio spoke on the condition that only their first names be used out of concern for their safety.)

June, who has been living on her own since she was excommunicated from Jehovah’s Witnesses as a teenager for being a lesbian, said she was “pretty fearful of guns growing up.” But now, she said she has “realized I’d feel a lot less scared if I could shoot and if I was able to not only protect myself, but my friends and family.”

Rodriguez went over gun-safety rules that she’d scrawled on a small whiteboard above a sketch of Kirby, the video game character, toting a gun.

“Treat all guns as if they’re always loaded,” she said. “Never point at anything you’re not willing to destroy. Finger off the trigger until you’re ready to shoot.” Only Luci, clad in safety-pinned pants with a “unionize sex work” patch, had ever held a gun before — shooting a .22 with her father.

Rodriguez picked up her revolver — which she calls her “little cowgirl gun” — and flattened her index finger next to the trigger to demonstrate.

She then passed it over to Max. “Always just try to keep it pointed in that direction, where no one is,” Rodriguez told her. “Pull the trigger. It takes a fair bit of force.”

Max pulled it, a bit gingerly. “I’m trying to get over the idea that it’s not loaded,” Max said.

A bespectacled environmental studies major, Max said she fears for her safety due to “the exponential rise in anti-trans legislation proposed and passed.”

She had the opportunity to shoot a gun as a kid, she said, and had declined: “I was pretty afraid of guns, and I didn’t want to be comfortable with guns.”

Max has since changed her mind.

Rodriguez practices with a rifle at a shooting range in Burlington, Washington, on Jan. 12. (Nick Cote/For The Washington Post) All the training was in preparation for a trip to Skagit Shooting Range, about 25 miles to the south.

There, Rodriguez paid $69.16 for range time for the four of them; four paper targets shaped like torsos; and the rental of a Sig Sauer P365-XL pistol from the White male clerk.

He briefed them on safety before they headed to the indoor range’s stalls, breaking up into pairs. Despite earplugs, the sound of bullets whizzing through the corridor made conversation nearly impossible.

The shooter in the adjacent stall wore a sweatshirt emblazoned with “Jesus is My Savior/Trump For President” in large letters. If he noticed the shooters next to him, he didn’t let on.

Rodriguez copped a shooter’s pose to demonstrate, her gleaming Doc Martens wide apart, her left foot pitched ahead. She grasped the gun, her arms straight.

June copied the stance and took the gun from her friend. She was a bit shaky as she placed her arms in front of her, aimed and fired.

There was a loud pop as the bullet squeezed out of the pistol and sliced through the cardboard dangling above the target. June felt the sound’s vibration in her teeth. The shell casing clattered to the ground, joining hundreds of others in the range. She turned to face Rodriguez and smiled widely.

“I don’t think I hit the target,” she said.

Now it’s Max’s turn to shoot. Afterward, she’s a bundle of nerves as she sits at a table in the gun store outside the range.

“I kind of honestly, like, forgot to breathe,” Max said. “My chest feels really tight. … It was definitely more powerful than I expected.”

June said her first time shooting a gun was “a little nerve-racking, to be honest.

“But I think learning how to do it makes me feel a little bit more comfortable about holding one. I feel more inclined to get one.”

The group went back to practice some more. After they fired their rounds, they pushed a button that sent the target flapping toward them for inspection. Luci proudly pointed to her perfectly placed body shot.

Though these women felt rejected by their political leadership, they were participating heartily in an American tradition: defending themselves with firearms.

“We have the same Second Amendment right that any Republican has,” Rodriguez said. “We just don’t have the numbers to do, like, a march on Washington. We’re just super easy to pick on. The only equalizer we have, really, is guns.”

[leglessstreetlights]

fleshing out my Relativity Au some more, i fujking love these guys, they're so-

part 1/ part 2

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

I have all of these extended thoughts on my head about the amazing way themes and character relationships are handled in Iruma-kun and the inclusion of queerness and the handling of the coming of age narrative in this shonen manga/anime

And every time all that comes out when I'm reccing it is "You should watch/read it"

Do it. Go watch/read Mairimashita! Iruma-kun/Welcome to Demon School Iruma-kun

Please.

[fleshdyk3]

god i fucking hate my dad

[bear-cubs-art-things]

hey just a couple things bc my step-dad really pissed my off yesterday and I need this to he out there:

People mature at different rates

And it's hard for autistic people to mature (quickly) because autism is a cognitive disability

Autism is a cognitive disability

[airandangels]

I have baked two 9x13 carrot cakes which I shall ice tomorrow morning, and I have begun the process of dry-brining three chickens which I shall roast with lemons and thyme tomorrow afternoon (yes it would be better with more brining time but some time is better than none). My mother's 70th birthday lunch is the day after tomorrow.

[fiendishartist2]

"petscop isnt horror" guys when webhorror doesn't have distorted faces:

[theood]

Getting really tired how every time I mention talking to someone new my mom's like "omg lol! Move in with them! Lol! Have you thought about moving in with them? Lol? Will they take you? Lol. We're so tired of you complaining lol can you just move in with them? Lol!"

Like. Wow! I never fucking thought of that one! Damn mom! Wow!!!! Revolutionary.

It's so fucking annoying because if I COULD actually move out don't you think I would have done it now? Hell. I'd be towns away if I could. Anything to get out of this fucking house. Away from your parents. Away from the constant walking on eggshells I'm doing. Away from feeling like the only way I'll be safe is by ripping myself open until I'm raw and used. But I CAN'T.

And every fucking time like clockwork it's "oh move in with x lol!"

[rosesradio]

day 2 of what i call the redneck convention aka a family function

[britneyshakespeare]

i have to be honest. i was filling in for a third grade book club this morning and i read up to the first seven chapters of the book (which is where they were) while i was on my half-hour break and i was thinking. man i do not agree with some of the messages in this book lmao.

[cozwalt]

One of the things I do like about growing up is being able to understand and see patterns in the way your brain works. I’m able to look at cause and effect and go oooookay this is how the neurodivergence reacts to this, and this is how I can make it better. I’ll give you an example: I’m beginning to realize that when I’m handling multiple long term goals at once, my brain needs each day of the week to be labeled “a day for ____ related tasks” or else I will focus on none of them, loose track of time entirely, and I don’t have too much control over it, so the routine is necessary to put future me on the rails and moving.

[hauntedkeys]

”Man I loved being in band, the environment was so supportive”- guy who just remembered the one time that his chronic pain had flared up so bad that he could taste blood and literally had to stay home from school one day and during band practice he sat down because whenever he stood for too long he got so dizzy he couldn’t think and his band director came over to him and lectured him about how he wasn’t trying hard enough and she had thrown up three time that day and she was still doing her job so he didn’t have an excuse.

[toastspirit]

this is going to sound incredibly whiny but. thinking back on it i feel like.. my current issues with emotional regulation at least partially comes from how my parents reacted to my outbursts when i was younger?? when i was younger, when i was doing particularly badly that could manifest more.. angrily. or cold shoulder-y. and! when my parents punished me for stuff like that! they just saw it as disrespect which!! i understand makes sense!!! but i dunno i was arguing with you or asked you to wait or whatever because i was not doing well. not because i was a piece of shit that hated you or didn't respect your authority or whatever!!!! or i was angry because i didn't understand why you were forcing me to do something and you refused to explain because i was a kid, so i should just mindlessly obey!!!!! not to say that i was a perfect kid (always struggled to follow orders if i did not understand them. although i think everyone deserves explanation but whatever!) but i was usually desperate to please them. these outbursts of anger were kind of infrequent because!! i tried to appease them until i couldn't handle it anymore!!!

so like. not saying that they were completely wrong or whatever, but it would've been nice!! if they cared about the root cause of my behavior at all!!! before i learned to direct all my anger inwards!!!! it did make me less of an annoyance, and it probably made me more tolerable to be around, but it made me incredibly miserable!!!! i can't live like that forever!!!! my life would be quite short if i tried to do that for several more years!!!! also now they expect me to openly tell them about my emotions which is very funny. you don't overwrite years of being an unpredictable source of support (or a nonexistent one entirely) with a couple words!!!! that window of opportunity is long gone! and whenever i start thinking that i can trust them, it blows up in my face again! :D so i've learned! to never trust them with anything more emotionally tumultuous than "my classes are stressing me out :/" but it also sucks because when i'm doing horribly i can't just tell them. they don't understand at all, so they think that im brushing them off because im lazy or whatever. oh well! they can't handle emotional discussions without thinking something is wrong with me (which is kind of right but i dont like how they act on it), blaming me, or blaming themselves and claiming that they're awful parents ^w^ so i just! won't say anything!!

[jinxed-sinner]

So lots have mixed opinions i wanna know yours, do you like/are you ok with the radiohusk ship or any opinions you have on it

I've elaborated on how I personally interpret Husk and Alastor's current dynamic here, but the summary is that I don't think how Alastor and Husk's dynamic is portrayed in the first season is really abusive (which is an argument I see a lot and seems rooted exclusively in that hallway scene from Dad Beat Dad).

With that out of the way, I don't enjoy it personally just because it's not my thing. I enjoy Husk and Alastor's dynamic platonically (especially because Husk very obviously cares about Alastor's safety and how toxic his friendships are, otherwise he wouldn't have gone to him to tell him Mimzy was probably bringing trouble because that's what she always does), but I don't really see it romantically. I'm like that with quite a few ships, because I tend to gravitate towards ships where I can easily project myself onto one or both characters, which is why I like Radioapple so much (I relate to Lucifer a lot and it makes it easier for me to project onto him, which makes me gravitate towards dynamics involving Lucifer. I also really love exploring platonic dynamics between him and Angel and him and Husk).

I don't have anything against Radiohusk (nor any other Alastor ships, my issue comes when people actively mischaracterize Alastor for the sake of shipping. I won't name any ships here but there is one specific one where I see a lot of Alastor being mischaracterized. Usually I just ignore it). I just have preferences for ships that allow me to explore some aspect of myself as I draw or write the ship. Radioapple allows me to simultaneously explore my asexuality and my autistic traits, as well as how I respond to trauma. I wrote an entire chapter of the Radioapple fic I'm working on that is me exploring my relationship with pain through Lucifer, for example.

I've always done this too because I find writing fanfiction more fun than writing original fiction. When I was writing Sonic fanfiction I gravitated towards Espilver (Espio/Silver) because I relate to Silver, so I could explore certain parts of myself using Espilver. When I was writing D&D Honor Among Thieves fanfiction I gravitated towards Xedgin (Xenk/Edgin) because I relate to Xenk (and Xenk actually partially inspired one of my D&D OCs, and is an important part of that OC's backstory). When I write Ninjago fanfiction, I gravitate towards Gemstoneshipping (Cole/Plundar) because I project onto Plundar (I also gravitate towards ships that involve Zane and Jay because they're also characters I relate to and project onto).

I don't personally mind most Hellaverse ships though, depending on how they're portrayed. BlitzFizz? Love it, I think it's pretty cute. Val/Angel? I think it's interesting to see people explore how abusive and toxic Val is towards Angel (and I just ignore anything that makes me uncomfortable regarding them). Staticmoth? Finest of toxic old man yaoi. Radiostatic? I have an entire headcanon centered around Vox and Alastor having been in a toxic and abusive relationship before Alastor left for 7 years. Lucilith? I love me some wholesome pre-split Lucilith (I've kinda ruined Lilith for myself though lol). Guitarspear? Their dynamic is WONDERFUL, give me all the Adam and Lute content.

There aren't a lot of ships I actively dislike but it very much depends on the execution. If I don't like it I just block or ignore it (because genuinely if you see something you don't like that's what you should be doing). My relationship with shipping amounts to "I like what I like and it's usually because I can explore part of myself by writing fanfiction featuring this ship, and if I see something I don't like I'll just block/ignore it" because I'm 20 and I can't be assed to engage in discourse unless it directly affects me or my mental health (which is why I get so heated about what asexuality actually is and how it applies to Alastor from what we've seen within the show; being asexual myself and having the mentality of "asexuals can't have a libido and are always sex-repulsed" was legitimately damaging for me).

This spiraled out of control but basically, my opinion on Radiohusk is that I don't mind it, I think people need to stop saying Alastor's abusive towards Husk, and it's not personally my thing because I gravitate towards ships with projection/self-exploration potential. If you like it, good for you! I'm not gonna get upset over it because I think that's dumb. I don't know why someone enjoys the ships they do and it's none of my business anyway.