#and everyone was supposed to go on an actual fun field trip in a few days

[aaronstveit]

so you want to read more this year!

i answered an ask about this recently, but i thought i would make a post about it so i could (hopefully) be a bit more clear and helpful. i specifically wanna help people who used to read a lot, but have fallen off for a while now. obviously everyone is different, but i hope at least a few of these tips can help you.

let yourself read slowly. you don't have to speedrun every book you read; in fact, it's usually better if you don't. forget the way that you used to race through books when you were younger. let yourself take time with them now. especially if you haven't read much lately, it's going to take you longer to read now than it used to. and that's okay! a lot of stories are better when they are experienced slowly, so you can absorb them more.

stop viewing reading as a competition. you aren't trying to win a pizza party or special field trip now, so there is no need to compete with other readers. so what if someone else read 10 books in the time it took you to read 1? other readers have nothing to do with you. the only person you should be "competing with" is yourself.

that said, setting goals and challenges for yourself can be a life-changer. i'm not just talking about a goodreads goal, although setting a numerical goal is often helpful. but i mean setting more broad goals, like reading more books of certain genres, or more books by authors of color. setting goals without specified quantities can help you because it's not a pass-fail situation, it's just a personal challenge. there are also all sorts of reading challenges you can try, like reading a book for every letter of the alphabet. you can find any sort of reading challenge on the internet; the storygraph has a whole section dedicated to challenges, both site-run and user-run. you can even create your own! popsugar also runs a very popular year-long reading challenge.

experiment with book formats. physical books, e-books, and audiobooks allow several different formats for people to try out! figuring out which formats work best for you help you to enjoy reading and gain more from the experience. don't listen to people who say audiobooks aren't "reading." if you enjoy audiobooks, listen to them! the only person you have to answer to is yourself.

experiment with different genres. even if you think you know exactly what genres you like and don't like, try branching out and trying books outside of your comfort zone, especially if you haven't read a lot lately. you never know when your tastes might change!

don't be afraid to DNF or pause a book. the thing about reading as a hobby is that it's supposed to be fun. yes, you should read books that challenge you, but this doesn't mean you have to make it to the end of every book. if you're hating a book, if you dread picking it up, if it bores you: just quit. that way, you can find a book you actually enjoy to read. trying to force your way through a book you're hating just usually makes you read less in the long run.

utilize your public library if you have one. this one always feels obvious, and yet people always seem to forget it. libraries exist for a reason! a lot of libraries have apps where you can check out e-books and audiobooks, so definitely use those if you have them. if you want to read a physical copy of a book that your library doesn't have, you can probably request an interlibrary loan! and if they still don't have it, you can usually request that your library order a book.

take advantage of books in the public domain. most classics are now in the public domain, which means that you can read them for free on Project Gutenberg, and if you use apple products, you can usually find them as free ebooks on Apple Books as well. if you're looking for audiobooks, Project Gutenberg also has those. you can also check out LibriVox, which is a volunteer-based organization that provides free audiobooks of public domain books. you can find a lot of their books as free podcasts on spotify!

reread old favorites. this is my personal favorite way to get out of a reading slump. familiar favorites are great for getting your brain back into reading mode without having to introduce yourself to a brand new story. you can also take the opportunity to annotate, if you're into that! speaking of which:

don't let the idea of annotation intimidate you. if you're not being graded, you can do whatever you want with annotations! i know some people who choose specific themes and tab them in their books, which is cool. some people just highlight favorite quotes and passages, and that's good too! you can pick out foreshadowing, make notes on things you find funny or interesting, even draw on the pages! if it's your copy of a book, then you can do whatever you like with it.

challenge yourself to write reviews. even if it's only a few sentences, it makes you engage more with the story, which is a good thing! you don't have to share these reviews, you can keep them in a private journal or document if you like. but it's good to make you think more about the book you've just read.

check the trigger warnings. if you have any triggers whatsoever, you definitely want to check trigger warnings before you read a book. you can usually find them by scrolling through goodreads reviews, or by googling "[book name] trigger warnings."

let yourself get distracted sometimes. i know this sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out. if you're in the middle of reading and suddenly you start thinking about scrolling through social media or something, finish your chapter and then let yourself scroll for a few minutes. it's better to give yourself a few minutes to scroll and then come back to your book, rather than continue "reading" while just thinking about scrolling. i'm not saying to put down your book and devote yourself to your instagram feed for the rest of the day; just take a few minutes, then get back to your book. do it between every chapter if you have to. or, if you decide you want a snack or something to drink, go get it! you don't have to sit still for hours on end if that doesn't work for you.

find someone, anyone, that you can talk to about books. it can be a person irl or online, a friend or coworker or family member. you can join a book club or a discord server. just, if you can, find someone to talk to about the books you're reading. this is another way to engage more with your reading material, because you're thinking about it in conversation, and it's also a way to get more excited about the things you're reading! you don't even have to be reading the same books. you can also recommend books to each other, and discover new favorites this way.

try reading more than one book at a time. mix and match genres, time periods, and styles so that you have different books going for different moods. that way, if one book isn't holding your attention, you have another one that will.

social media is cool, but don't let it control you. let social media bring you new book recommendations and friends, but don't let it dictate what you read or how you organize your bookshelves. just because everyone else is reading something doesn't mean you have to, if you don't want to; just because everyone else has a picture-perfect reading nook doesn't mean you need one, too. you aren't less of a reader because you don't spend hundreds of dollars on new books, or because you don't read the most popular genres and authors. you also aren't less of a reader for reading what's most popular! again, you aren't in competition with anyone else. don't let bookfluencers steal your joy.

obviously, this list isn't all-encompassing or universal. this is just the advice that helped me get back into reading after years of barely touching a book. i hope there is something on this list that can help you, if you need it. happy reading!

[magics-neptunes-things]

Fire and Ice 2

Hi guys!

Here is the part 2 of Fire and Ice, I try to pick a suggestion an anon made yesterday so I hope it will be fun to read :)

And it’s actually much longer than I imagined at first.

Keep telling me what you think about my writing, I love to read you.

Enjoy!

PART 1 ______________________________________________________________

The next time you saw Leah was two days after your kiss. She was kind of moody, all the team was supposed to take the team picture and the weather wasn't really nice.

Even if you didn’t stop thinking about this kiss, you didn’t try to talk to her. Or at least you didn't do anything else than creep every picture on her Instagram or the firsts videos of her TikTok. And the more you find yourself watching these videos, the more you fall in love with Leah. The way you felt during this kiss is always present and you just have to think about it to feel them again. It never happened to you before and you don't know what to do about it.

Arriving the last ones with Alessia, with whom you make the trips to the stadium, you don't have the courage to go and greet everyone. You just smile and wave, but your gaze lingers for a few more seconds on Leah. With her umbrella, she seems to complain to a Lia who have an amused look on her side.

After this day you didn't really have the opportunity to see her. However, what you don't know is that she sometimes observes you from the physio center where she continues to follow her exercises to return to the field with you. Despite the tinted windows, she sometimes has the impression that you feel her gaze on her given the way you turn in her direction.

**************

The next time you really have the opportunity to see her, it's for the next team evening. This time it was organized by Lia and you gladly accept when she ask you to come over. You managed to sit on the sofa with direct look to the kitchen where Leah is, in the middle of a discussion with two or three other teammates, allowing you to look at her without it being too obvious. This will not stop you from getting caught by Leah herself watching her, several times. But each time you just smile at her before looking away, without even taking the time to check that she gives it back to you.

Pizza were eaten and the first film finished when Beth and Katie approach you with a big smile, sitting each on either side of you. You were talking with Frida about Norway, you missed your country a little bit, but your conversation was quickly stopped. From the corner of your eye, you notice that Leah sits down more straight on the other sofa, a look of frustration on her face.

"So!" Katie begin as you raise an eyebrow at here "We made you a Tinder account."

"You what?"

To be honest, you really thought they’d forgotten about you meeting someone. The subject hadn't been discussed since and you didn't even think to tell Frida about it, the kisses you exchanged with Leah making you forget what else had happened during this evening.

"What’s all this about?" Frida asked with a deep frown, taking her role of big sister a little too much at heart.

"Well, Y/N is single, young, cute and really hot. She need to find someone to take care of her and give her the love she deserved" Beth answers, like it was the most logical thing ever.

You whispers something about the love of god on your mother language, hiding your face behind your hand.

"Told you it was stupid of you" Leah mumble from her couch.

You look at her between your fingers, but you are quickly interrupted by Beth who removes your hand from your face to show you her phone screen.

"Look!" she says happily while you take it in your hand.

Tinder was open on your profile and you look at what they might have written or said about you.

"Where did you find this picture?" you asked, as it was one you take from your last summer holiday.

"Google, i think. Dunno" Katie shrugs.

"I'm single and ready to mingle. Really?"

Beth and Katie both laughs as you roll your eyes, giving Beth's phone back. You’re trying to take this lightly, even if you must admit that it makes you a little uncomfortable. If the information that a profile in your name is on a application like this comes to your parents, you’re not sure you can handle their questions. Frida, on the other hand, seems rather suspicious and a glance at Leah informs you that she's still looking at the scene with a gloomy face.

"And it's not finish! We already managed to arrange two dates for you. We didn't know which kind of girl you like, so we take a brunette and a blonde. You just have to cancel the one you don't like."

You remain completely amazed this time, simply not knowing what to answer. It was Leah who did it for you, getting up from the couch, too angry to stay on the couch.

"This is some bullshit, making up a date from Tinder? What are you looking to? Get her murdered to get her place on the team?"

"She's right" Frida add, frowning. "I don't want to find her in the news, other than for her athletic talents."

"You both are overreacting. She will be safe" Katie shrugs.

"Blond or brunette?" Beth asks you, ignoring the others.

Your gaze flies away for a split second towards Leah, before you respond in a whisper that you prefer blondes.

**************

A few days later, you find yourself at the date that you haven't planned at all, clearly not totally comfortable with the girl that your teammates have selected for you. She realized very fast that the way you talk isn't the same that it was on the application, so you confessed the truth. It didn’t seem to bother her, but rather to amuse her. After your meal at the restaurant, she offered to continue the evening in a bar a little further down the street and you agreed. You can’t deny people things.

You’re having a hard time concentrating on what she’s telling you, stupidly excited about something else. One little thing, too. But Leah did a post last night on your last game and in her photo drop she posted one of you accompanied by a goat emoji and a crown. And it gives you far too much pleasure for it to be innocent. But again, Emma, who seems to be particularly the kind to forgive people, doesn’t seem to pay much attention to it.

Speaking of attention, you haven't shown much either since you didn't realize that the woman who has been haunting your thoughts for almost three weeks is actually a few meters from you.

Leah managed to snatch the name of the restaurant you were supposed to meet Emma from Beth and simply decided to take you as a fillature. Officially to watch over you and make sure nothing happens to you. Unofficially because she’s mad as hell just thinking about the stupid idea of her two friends. Like you need a Tinder date to meet someone.

As she watches you talking to that damn blonde, she tries to determine the real reasons why she came here. Because the truth is, she hasn’t stopped thinking about your kiss either. And it annoys her like crazy, but after trying to ignore you for almost two weeks, these idiots of Beth and Katie decided to throw you in the arms of the first person coming.

And even though she’s consumed with jealousy to see you so comfortable with Emma, unlike what you’ve never been with her, Leah can’t help but feel satisfied seeing you get lost in your thoughts sometimes as Emma talks. Emma can certainly not realize it since she doesn't know you, but Leah has been watching you for two weeks and can now determine the different expressions of your face.

She followed you to the bar discreetly, there also satisfied to see the physical distance that you put between you two while you were walking. She saw the way Emma tried to grab your arm to walk and the skillful way you went away, while remaining polite. It reassured her a little, too, proving that despite your shyness you can say no.

The bar you chose doesn’t have a very good reputation (something you don't know) and Leah is happy to have followed you, just in case. The crowd being denser than in the restaurant, she sometimes loses sight of you from her table while you are installed in the bar with Emma. She isn't disturbed on her side, her icy look sufficient to keep away any human being having a little common sense.

**************

The discussion with Emma is rather light, but not transcendent either. She seems rather kind and it makes you a little sad not to be able to give her the attention she probably deserves. But you can’t help but think about Leah and it makes you half crazy. While you and Emma were walking down the street, you were wondering, for example, where would Leah have preferred to take you after the restaurant instead of listening to Emma talk about her work.

"I'm going to the bathroom" you say right after you order your second drink.

On your way to the toilet, you take the opportunity to take a look at your phone and send a message to Frida and Alessia to inform them that you are still alive. And you end up on Leah’s Instagram page, pouting when you see she doesn’t post anything. When you return, you inform Emma that after you finish your drink you will go home. You’re getting tired and the heat at the bar doesn’t help you feel better.

She takes it with a smile, not even asking if you will be able to see each other again next time. It makes you hope a little that she realized that you didn’t necessarily have sparks between both of you. Perhaps she could become a friend, but certainly not a love interest.

"Are you all right?" Emma asks you frowning a few minutes later.

With your eyes closed, you shake your head negatively, using all your strength of mind not to fall off your stool. Your head turns atrociously and you have the impression that the food you ingested a few hours earlier is just waiting to come out.

"Bathroom" is the only word you managed to say.

You try to get up, but it’s only Emma’s hand catching your arm that keeps you from falling. It's no longer your head that turns, but the whole room while the sounds of conversations or atmosphere of the bar reach you as if you had your head under the water.

"Come with me, I'll help you ok?" Emma tells you nicely by helping you to the bathroom.

As you reach the door, a voice intervenes and you must focus to understand what it says.

"Let her go. Now."

"Who are you?"

The unknown voice doesn't respond, but you feel much more toned and assertive arms seize your waist, rather delicately though. A fresh, pleasant hand lands on your forehead and only then that you recognize the smell of Leah’s perfume. The white fear that gripped her voice prevented you from recognizing her.

Hardly opening your eyes, blinded by the light of the toilet, you only see two babyblue eyes before sinking definitively.

**************

When you regain consciousness, despite your closed eyes, it only takes you a few seconds to remember what just happened. Opening your eyes abruptly, you suddenly sit in the bed in which you are. You’ve read too many stories that end badly because of drugs ingested without consent.

"Wow, slow down cowboy"

Leah get up from the chair next to you, lightly pushing your elbow to make you lie down again.

"Leah? What are you doing here? Wha- What happened to me?"

"It's ok sweatheart. You're safe. Breath, ok?"

Leah doesn't answer your question but the pet name she gave you make you forget this point. The softness of the tone she just used and her hand that delicately releases your hair from your face causes you like electric mini-currents throughout all your body. Is it normal to react like that to such a banal gesture?

But the black hole in your memory continues to torment you, you need to know.

"Do you know what happened to me?" you ask quietly, raising your eyes on her.

Leah bites her lips and you imagine already the worst, but she doesn't let the suspense remain too long.

"They think someone put something in your glass. Your girlfriend swore it wasn’t her, so they’ll look for who it might be. Even if you decide not to press charges the bar did so then they will look anyway. But no one touch you, I promise."

"She's not my girlfriend" you mumble, sinking yourself in the pillow.

"Whatever" Leah grumble, pulling the chair next to your bed to be near you.

"What are you doing here Leah?" you ask again, looking at her.

"Do you want me to leave?"

Of course not. You’ve never been alone with her in a room so long and you’re secretly thrilled that she’s here to take care of you. You’re worried about her leaving.

"No"

A few seconds of silence passed after your answer, to which Leah replied only with a nod, before returning to speak.

"I followed you"

You did not expect this answer and your head turns so sharply in her direction that Leah doesn't have time to hide her slight red cheeks.

"Why?"

"I'm your captain. I’m supposed to look after you."

You nod, a little disappointed with this answer. Your eyes continue to scan Leah’s face, who always seems to refuse to look at you. After a few seconds of hesitation, you gently place your hand on hers. You notice with relief that she doesn't remove it, despite her look on your hands.

"It's weird"

"What?" you ask, frowning.

Her eyes plunge into yours and you find yourself breathless in front of so much intensity.

"The way you make me feel"

You feel your heart miss a beat, before it start beating way too fast. You swallow your saliva but suddenly find yourself unable to say a word.

"Don't tell me you didn't feel anything when we kissed Y/N. I can't stop to think about it. I can't stop looking at you even if I don't want to because that's fucking scare me. I never fell this way before, even though I didn’t kiss almost two hundred people like Beth implied the other night. I mean, of course I noticed you because like Katie said, it’s hard not to. But we never really talked, and now I’m just thinking about you all the time. It doesn’t fucking make sense."

You're stunned, one more time. But Leah has been honest with you and you owe her the truth, too.

"You impressed me. That’s why I never really came to talk to you. I was afraid you might think I was stupid or immature."

"You used the past. Does that mean you don’t think I’m impressive anymore?" Leah asks you with a smirk.

Despite everything you can't help but smile slightly.

"No. I feel it even stronger, because you’re not the only one who has those kisses in mind all the time. I didn’t know you felt the same way."

Your heart keeps beating fast and you are relieved not to have a heart rate displayed on a machine, nothing would have been more embarrassing than that.

Leah’s gaze scans your face and you take the opportunity to do the same, admiring her features more openly than ever.

"Would it be inappropriate to kiss you now?"

Smiling softly, you respond negatively with a nod. You didn’t think your heart could pick up its pace again when you realized that Leah is approaching your face. Very slowly, allowing you to largely anticipate what will happen.

A breath escapes from your mouth when her lips ghost yours.

"Stay still" she whispers.

And you need all your strength of concentration to lie down and not break the last millimeters between your lips. But eventually it happens, Leah’s lips gently settling on yours. With the tip of your thumb, you caress her cheek for the few seconds that the kiss lasts.

It may have been a simple kiss and not a session of long making out, but the fireworks are back. You find yourself immersed in the blue of Leah’s eyes when you open yours again, shining with the same light you saw when you were at her home.

"I want more" you whispers and she smiles.

Delicately, you draw her with you on your bed and she willingly lets herself be guided.

You’re the one who initiates the next kiss, now that you know you have the right to do it. The sensations you find on her lips make you feel like you can breathe completely again. You spend a few moments rediscovering her lips, before sliding the tip of your tongue on her lower lip. You take advantage of Leah’s moan to slide your tongue into her mouth, starting a playful battle to determine which of the two will win.

When you separate from her to catch your breath, you feel her chasing your lips for a new kiss that you cannot refuse her. The truth is you don’t want this moment to end. But this eventually happens when a nurse enters the room right after knocking. Leah detaches herself from you to cast a bad look at the professional who blushes like a tomato.

"Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t know…" she stammers and you have to bite your lips not to burst out laughing.

"What do you need?" asked Leah coldly.

"I just came to check that everything was fine"

"I’m fine, thank you" you answer with a smile, not to traumatize this poor nurse.

She nods and waits a few more seconds without moving, requiring a steady look from Leah with both eyebrows raised so that she gets out of the room, apologizing again.

"Stop impressing people" you smile, gently smacking her shoulder.

Leah turns her attention to you with a smirk and lays a softer kiss on your lips this time. Laughing softly at the visible disappointment on your face, she wraps a strand of your hair around her finger.

"As much as I would literally spend the rest of my day kissing you, I would like to make things clear right now"

"Ok?" you answer, feeling the anxiety slowly coming back.

You push yourself to the side of the bed to let Leah settle next to you, which she does by lying on the side her head supported by her hand.

"I know I’m not easy, I’m unpredictable, and sometimes I have trouble myself figuring out why I’m reacting like this. I am unbearable when it comes to food. I am jealous but I hate being so sometimes I pout for like two days without succeeding in explaining why. I’m really not the perfect girlfriend, every time I wanted to surprise someone it went wrong."

You don’t say anything, listening to Leah talking about herself, maybe not in the best way, wondering where she wants to go by telling you all this.

"But I think I’m a caring person, who knows how to take care of those she loves and remember things. I love cuddling in the morning, singing like crazy while burning my breakfast and taking baths. And I think I’ll love all these things even more if you share them with me. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a relationship, but I want to try with you. I promise you to never hurt you. Let me get this right and let me take you on a date as soon as you get out of here."

"I would love that, Leah"

"Yes?"

"Yes" you answer, your smile illuminating your face.

She smiles back and you lean for another kiss. Leah doesn’t let you, however, putting an index on your lips at the last moment.

"One last thing"

"What?" you ask, hiding your frustration.

"I never want to hear about this damn Emma again."

You laugh while rolling your eyes. Despite her, Leah smiles softly and finally decides to interrupt your laughter by kissing you.

[brostateexam]

Please tell me about your vacation boyfriends 🥺

I also wanna know what you’d want to teach as a professor!

I'm going to answer the second question first, cause it's a shorter and easier answer: when I was in undergrad, I really wanted to pursue a PhD in Social Psychology and be a college professor. Funding for the field is scarce in the US, but the prospect of ending up where funding for it does exist -- mostly the UK and Australia -- did not bother me in the slightest. The idea of moving far away and being a professional teacher and paper writer seemed amazing.

I did not do it because I felt that the competition in the field was stiff and that the most likely outcome would be that I end up a professor of Psych at a community college somewhere, or an adjunct to three different schools, making no money and living out of a car with 150,000 miles on it. While I don't exactly fault the logic of younger me, I do wish that the dream was more feasible, because I think I would have really enjoyed it!

As for the first question: I have been lucky enough to have three vacation boyfriends over the course of my life. Put some details under the cut.

Maui

I was in Maui for a work trip. It was a resort where we had villas and a budget of like $300/person/day for incidentals, so we were not exactly struggling. This is definitely top 3 for all the crazy, extravagant things that my company paid for. It was an excellent time.

And I really really wanted to escape and get laid while I was there, so I found a local who lived on the other side of the island from the resorts and started chatting with him every chance I got. Eventually, I snuck out of the work socializing I was supposed to be doing and met up with him for a walk around a beach on the far side of the island from where my colleagues were. Then we went to dinner, and we went home together afterward.

He was a former parks employee who had ocean creature themed tattoos all over his body. He was built like a swimmer, which made sense -- he swam or surfed basically every day, sometimes for hours on the weekends. He loved orchids and had an entire little homemade greenhouse of them in lieu of a garage in his small house on the island. Since he lived on the rainy side of the island, there was an evening rainstorm while we had sex, and it felt, well, romantic.

I was smitten, I must admit. I looked to see if there was any work I could do on the island -- I didn't tell him this because i was worried he'd think it was insane -- but there wasn't any, so the fun time ended when I left a few days after.

I messaged him out of the blue a few years after our initial encounter just so basically say that I thought he was amazing and to thank him, and he was super gracious and said similar nice things. Truly, just a gem of a guy. He is only still single because of where he lives -- if he moved to any place with civilization he'd be snapped up in a second, and rightly so.

2. Oahu

I had planned a trip to Waikiki with two friends for right around the winter holidays back when it was still summer and we thought to ourselves "it'll be nice to get to Hawaii when it's grey and rainy here every day." Plus, if you can believe it, it was actually very cheap to go to Hawaii at that time. Since the pandemic, everyone's figured out that the best thing for the winter blues is tropical sunshine and I think there's a boom in tourism in the winter now, too, but that didn't used to be the case.

I almost didn't go on the trip because about a month after we'd booked it, I lost my job, and I didn't have anything on the horizon at the time I went to Hawaii, which was nerve wracking. Unemployment runs out, after all -- and then what, you know?

Anyway, I wasn't really expecting to meet anyone while I was there, and I had the thought of like "even if I do, I'm sharing a hotel room with two girls so what exactly will end up happening?"

But I met someone who was in a bar nearby while I was out shopping, and he was just gorgeous. Also a traveler, like me, but he worked for a European airline and was based out of Malta. Big bear of a man with the second most well-groomed beard I've ever touched (best beard is its own story -- weird guy but great beard).

He was not gentle and he didn't lie to me -- I talked to him about being unemployed and he gave me good advice. I talked to him about my insecurities (being alone, being overweight, etc), and he gave me good advice that I still think about now, almost a decade later.

The sex was also absolutely fantastic, and we took the Lanikai Pillbox Hike together, which was one of my favorite memories of that trip, and there were a lot of good memories!

We did not meaningfully stay in touch. I got a job shortly thereafter and started working like crazy. By the time I thought to reach out, my old phone had died, frying all my contacts, and it had been nearly two years. It was very much a ships that pass in the night situation, but I'm very grateful that we passed near one another.

3. Taiwan

My work took my to Taipei semi-frequently for a period of about two years, and I met this guy there on my second trip. Every trip I was there was between 7 and 18 days, and since I was there to manage vendors, I would occasionally have time to myself, and not necessarily when you'd expect: mornings were usually reserved for meetings, and evenings for vendor dinners, but I often had afternoons to myself if I was smart about getting my work done quickly, and I was typically on my own after about 10 PM, and that was the perfect time to go on dates in Taipei. It's very much a late night city, like New York or (I'm told) Tokyo, with a whole culture that doesn't really get going until about 8 PM and stops at like 2 or 3 AM.

I met a local pretty quick, on maybe my second trip there. Like many young people trying to figure out their direction, he did a little bit of everything: he was a dancer, he did choreography, he served as a local guide/translator for when non-natives came to the island, and he was in school. He was also funny, and smart, and very understanding about my frankly insane and constantly changing work schedule.

So he became my Taipei boyfriend, for a while. When I was there, I'd go out to dinner with him, give him presents, hang out with him, watch movies with him, etc. I'd let him know when I was going to be in town, and we'd usually see each other 2-3 times per trip. We'd talk sporadically on WhatsApp when I wasn't there, but mostly we saved it for irl.

He clearly found it very fun to do super touristy things with me, like go to the 101 building or go to the bougie shave ice places that charge 3x more than the street vendors, and he was gorgeous and funny and fun and I liked having the arm candy, if I'm being honest. The sex was nice, but kind of beside the point. I just liked hanging out with him.

At some point, we transitioned to just being friends and the sex stopped, but it wasn't really weird or awkward -- that phase of the relationship just ended, and the rest remained.

I stopped going to Taipei during the pandemic when there was a travel ban, and I've never been back. I did talk to him during covid, though, and found out that he'd emigrated to Australia, where he was dating a former rugby player and was very happy to be out of Taiwan.

So there you have it! Sorry it took so long for me to write all this, and I hope it was worth the wait. Thanks for asking me this question. It was a ton of fun to write about.

[spiderversebigbang]

Spiderverse Big Bang 2024 - MASTERPOST

Beat The Blue

Word Count: 8,249 (on going) Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandoms: Spider-Man: Spider-Verse (Sony Animated Movies), Ever After High, Monster High (Cartoon 2010) Relationships: Jackson Jekyll/Raven Queen, Hobie Brown & Raven Queen Characters: Hobie Brown, Jackson Jekyll, Raven Queen (Ever After High) Additional Tags: POV Hobie Brown, Protective Hobie Brown, Good Friend Hobie Brown, Jackson Jekyll Needs a Hug, Spiderverse Big Bang 2024, Crossover

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Summary Every universe in the Spiderverse has a Spider-Man, at least they're supposed to. Things go wrong (see Miles and Miles), but that's the general rule, along with some others. But what about universes in entirely different multiverses?

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Written by @nuclearspiders Art by @silverasks Beat read by @nixotinix

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Place Your Bets

Word Count: 11,801 Rating: Teen and Up (for swearing) Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types Relationships: Michelle Jones & Harley Keener & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker & Shuri, Michelle Jones/Harley Keener/Ned Leeds/Peter Parker/Shuri, Peter Parker & Original Character(s) Characters: Peter Parker, Michelle Jones (Marvel), Ned Leeds, Harley Keener, Shuri (Marvel), Aunt May Parker (Marvel), Stark Industries Employees (Marvel), Various MCU Characters, Original Characters, Academic Decathlon Team Members (Spider-Man: Homecoming) Additional Tags: Peter Parker's Field Trip to Stark Industries, Stark Industries Employee Peter Parker, Fluff, lethal amounts of fluff, Pet Names, Canon is Fake BTW, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Rapid Fire POV Changes, Good Friend Flash Thompson, Slightly Less Modern AU, AU of Twitter before it was called X and you couldn't buy checkmarks, How many characters can I make Nonbinary challenge, Crack Treated Seriously, oh yeah the poly relationship isn't super big in the plot but it's important to me, check the a/n for an explanation of the ships, peter uses he/they pronouns and mj uses she/they pronoun

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Summary: Every kid dreamed of going on a field trip instead of going to school. A whole day of excused absences from classes, actually edible food for lunch, exploring museums or wherever-the-fuck the school decided to bring their students for the day. It all seemed fun, right?

Wrong. Peter Parker hated field trips and for a good reason. Field trips always ended in disaster.

"Class, I’m happy to announce our next trip," Mr. Cobbwell announced, holding a stack of yellow permission slips neatly stacked. The class all waited with bated breath. Mr. Cobbwell had a tendency to be dramatic, so he paused for a few seconds, then flicked on the projector.

See, Peter knew about the horrors because he kind of, sort of, maybe worked for…

"Stark Industries" the bold black letters read, displayed on the whiteboard for everyone to see.

The class collectively lost their mind.

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Written by @medieval-hippie Art by @gbirrd Art and Art by @totally-nromal-brain-functions Beta read by @astral-collisions

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Out Of This World

Word Count: 11,459 (on going) Rating: Teen and Up Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man: Spider-verse (Sony Animated Movies) Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker Characters: Peter Parker, Michelle Jones, Ned Leeds, Ganke Lee, Miles Morales, Matt Murdock Tags: Angst Hurt/Comfort Peter Parker Needs a Hug Peter Parker Drinks Red Bull and Cries Peter Parker in a different universe Multiverse Shenanigans Spider-Verse Big Bang 2024 Peter Parker sleeps on the floor of Miles Morales' dorm room Post-Movie: Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) Peter Parker is a Mess

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Summary: Spider-Man stood there, with his friends, before realising that the longer he stood there, the harder it would be to leave when they forgot.

Peter, perched on the barrier between the pathway and the unrelenting Hudson, waved, “Bye guys.” And he leapt.

Then it all went black.

- - - - Or a story in which Peter Parker is sent to Miles Morales' universe and finds a family there.

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Written by @sammi-phoenix Art by @the-real-pocket-egg Beta read by Abbey

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Center Of The Fire

Word Count: 28,253 Rating: Teen and Up Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Fandoms: Marvel's Spider-Man (Insomniac Games Video Games), Daredevil (TV) Relationships: Matt Murdock/Peter Parker Characters: Peter Parker, Matt Murdock, Mary Jane Watson, Miles Morales Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, True Mates, Omegaverse, Slow Burn, Lack of Communication, But they get better, Spiderverse Big Bang 2024, Soulmates, Alternate Universe - Soulmates

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Summary: Right after Aunt May dies, Peter comes across Daredevil, an alpha who is strong, unknown, and scary.

The impression isn't helped by Peter immediately realizing Daredevil is his True Mate. If it were any other time, any other place, maybe he would pursue something, but he ran, and he continues avoiding his fellow vigilante, much to the chagrin of those around him.

He avoids and he runs until he can't any longer.

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Written by @catboycuntArt by @eggchayi Beta read by @letmelickyoureyeballs

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"Uncle" Peter

Word Count: 11,717 Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Fandoms: Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Comicverse), Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics) Relationships: Peter Parker & Tim Drake, Peter Parker & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne Characters: Peter Parker, Tim Drake, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Tags: Broke Peter Parker, Protective Peter Parker, Tim Drake is a Menace, Fake Uncle au, Tim's avoiding parental figures like the plague, Peter is nosey but it's a good thing, Adult Peter Parker, Tim's a bit insecure but we love him for it, mentions of canon character deaths btw

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Summary: When Peter finds a poster of someone looking for someone to be their fake uncle at a party, he's not expecting a young, recently orphaned teenage boy. Especially when said recent orphan doesn't mention the whole "orphan" thing. Peter COULD let this all go and go home a few thousand dollars richer, but unfortunately, he has a conscious that just won't let him leave a fifteen year old to their own devices. He elicits a bit of help from the billionaire down the street.

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Written by @bamboozled-and-alone Art by @amaxeart Art by @torchturtle Art by @ikol-writes-and-draws Beta read by anonymous

[afurtivecake]

It would be fun to see the Trojans get their first ever red card but what if they don't? Ok hear me out.

What if they face increased levels of hostility every time they field Jean? What if other teams are happy to focus their hostility on Jean whom they've cast as the villain while allowing the other Trojans to get off lightly? What if Jean just lets it happen without even getting as aggressive as he is during practice?

And though Jeremy has spent his entire tenure as captain counselling patience and extolling the virtues of de-escalating conflict, even he is starting to find it difficult to stomach what Jean's been putting up with. What if during halftime of one game, Jeremy can't watch it happen anymore and he loses it at Jean -- like he knows Jean signed a contract and all but fuck the contract! It's not worth it if it means he's going to let other people walk all over him like that! And Jean, still way calmer than Jeremy thinks he should be, just mocks him like, you are telling me to go foul them? You? Captain Sunshine and Smiles. Is that an order?

Jeremy can't say anything to that because what can he say? If he says yes, go give those pricks their due, he'd be going against everything he believes in, everything he believes exy to be, but Jean would do it. If he says no, he'd be letting Jean get roughed up just so their team can win the match and that's not a sacrifice he's willing to make. So he settles for the truth: he really wants a win and so does the rest of the team, but it's going to feel really shitty if they had to throw Jean under the bus to do it.

He doesn't think Jean really gets it because Jean just gives him an irritated look like he wants to say something, but then brushes it off and walks away. The other team does not let up on the violence towards Jean when he goes back on later, and to Jeremy's dismay and gut-wrenching guilt, Jean doesn't fight back. He even lets the opponent dealer get a dirty hit in and trip him, though he does manage to fling the ball down the court at the last second where a Trojan striker picks it up and scores. The other backliner picks him up and helps him off the court. The Trojans win but Jeremy is in no mood to celebrate with everyone else. He makes it through the obligatory post-game nonsense with the least convincing smile he's ever managed and the most generic comments and phrases his distracted mind can produce.

Maybe he should have told Jean to hit back after all, he thinks. Maybe Jean even took his lack of conviction as a tacit agreement that he should keep taking hits for the sake of the team and the win. Maybe Jeremy should have gone out there himself, thrown down his gloves and fought that dealer as if this was hockey. But it's too late now.

He finds Jean where he expected him to be: in the first aid room, being taped up and iced. Jean catches on to the unhappiness behind Jeremy's cheery greeting to the nurse immediately. Almost at the same time, they ask the nurse for a few minutes alone.

Jean says peremptorily, "We won."

But Jeremy ignores that barrels on with telling him everything he actually wanted to say, that maybe he should have said. It's basically an angry tirade about how Jean should have punched their opponents for what they did to him and how Jeremy should have insisted upon it, started a huge brawl or something - red card or no. The Trojans aren't supposed to be like the Ravens, turning a blind eye when their teammate is suffering.

Jean lets him rant but at the end, he says with almost an amused tone, "What are you so angry about? I thought the only thing that matters is that everyone has fun."

And Jeremy is flabbergasted and speechless because Jean is actually smiling. Faint, but smiling. It takes him a moment to remember how to think and only then does he think to ask the one thing he asks after every game, "Did you have fun?"

Usually Jean just scowls at him when he asks, but this time Jean considers him for a moment and says, yes, he did. That last goal was a good one, even if he is going to be sore for the next couple of days because of it. And the Trojans are nothing like the Ravens. Jeremy might have missed it because he didn't play much of that game, but there was always someone helping him up and checking in with him to see if he was ok. It's a lot different getting hurt in a game when you know your teammates are going to be there to pick you back up, he admits.

(And it's also seeing Captain Sunshine get so helplessly angry and upset for him is kind of better than any pep-talk he's ever had so...there was that.)

And that there is the point. To Jean, it's never been about being protected and saved, not really. He knows that there are many things that no one can really protect him from. What matters in the end to him is having people around him who will get angry for him even if they can't do anything to help and people who will pick him back up. He doesn't need Jeremy or anyone else to get carded for him and he doesn't need to fight and rage at what's been done to him - not anymore. Having people in his life who care about him, is enough.

[bedrockbones]

Tommy goes to the aquarium :>

I wish you would write a fic where... ///not accepting theres not that much world building here except that i imagine the mers here are being rented by the aquarium. not in a fucked up way but kind of like how restaurants and partys will hire "mermaids" irl but in this world, mermaids actually exist lmao big noodly boys with sparkly tails. kids love em and its an easy job. just swim around for a few hours and show off some tricks also tommy is supposed to be in like. elementary school on a field trip

The mer was doing something really cool. Tommy just knows it. He can hear the crowd's oo's and ahh's and the other children giggling and shouting. Tommy wants to see so bad but he knows better than to try and join the group.

He pouts on the other side of the room, barely catching a glimpse of the long, sparkly tail rolling in the water.

There's supposed to be three mer today, but only the blue one has been seen. He's really friendly. Tommy saw him for a little bit and he knows a lot of tricks.

If only Dream hadn't come on the field trip. Tommy doesn't even know why he's here! He spent all week up to today talking about how stupid mer are and making fun of Tommy for being excited. But now he's plastered right against the glass with his stupid friends.

It would be better if Tubbo was here, but his friend had gotten lice and wasn't allowed to join. Tommy had promised to tell him all about the mer, but how can he when Dream would push him away if he tried to join?

Sighing, Tommy watches the fish swim by. There's no one by this side of the wall, everyone wanted to see the mer while they could. At least that means no dumb employees were around to scold Tommy for tapping on the glass.

He taps out random rhythms, not thinking too much about it. The sound of his nail tink-tink-tinking on the glass is nice. Tommy likes it.

He stares at his finger, cheek leaning on the cool glass. With his ear pressed to it, Tommy's tapping sounds so much louder. It's sort of cool-

Tink-tink-tink.

Tommy jerks his head away from the glass. That...wasn't him. It almost sounded like someone else was tapping as well, but when he glances around there's still no one nearby.

Only he hears the tapping again. Tink-tink-tink.

His eyes snap to the sound and-

and-

He can see his own reflection on the glass. He can see his eyes widening so, so big. So big he can see the whites of his eyes all the way around. They're almost as white as the mer's teeth.

He's grinning. Needle-like fangs fill his mouth and Tommy's belly kind of swoops to see them. The mer's rises a little bit more off the cliffs edge, emerging from one of the holes in the rocky wall. His tail is a deep, dark black but as he swims into the light, a shimmering green starts to spread.

He's so pretty.

Pretty and scary. Tommy has never seen a mer so close. Not a real one. He's seen pictures and videos but this one is looking at Tommy. This one is alive and real.

Tommy glances around, expecting to see anyone else notice the mer, but he's still alone.

Tink-tink-tink. The mer is tapping again.

Tommy looks back to him and the mer waves with a webbed hand. It's so human-looking. Except for the scales and green color of course. Tommy hesitantly taps the glass again. The mer copies his pattern and Tommy smiles.

They go back and forth for a bit. Tapping little patterns back and forth. It ends when the mer suddenly blows a bunch of bubbles at the glass. It makes Tommy laugh.

[heliads]

Tom Peter Parker x male Kryptonian reader

During infinity war - endgame please 💞

Reader being one of the first people to notice the attack about to go on so he’s with the team in Wakanda but he’s been worried ab peter, and when they blip Peters the last thing on his mind - them reuniting during the final battle and it being cute

masterlist

You are boarding a bus for a school field trip when something in the back of your head screams for you to go. You freeze up halfway up the stairs, causing someone following you too closely to almost run into you. You glance around, but can’t see anything wrong. That doesn’t mean that there’s no danger, though, only that it isn’t yet upon you.

The kid behind you swats your backpack and tells you to move. Instead, you shove past them and head back down the bus stairs. The sensation that something is wrong keeps building, and you know for a fact that this is something you need to check out yourself. The last time you got a feeling like this, the Avengers were in grave danger.

Needless to say, this isn’t something you can ignore. The teacher supervising your bus for the field trip tries to stop you, but you mutter something about forgetting that you had a doctor’s appointment scheduled later that day and take off before they can do anything. You glance back once before you disappear around a corner, and the teacher is sighing and directing the bus to close its doors.

That’s good– whatever’s coming, you don’t want anyone looking for you. You’ll be preoccupied with other matters for now, even if a trip to the Museum of Modern Art had actually sounded pretty cool. You were interested in this field trip for the same reason that it’s ridiculous that you would ever need to go to the doctor:  you’re not human.

Contrary to what most of your classmates think, you were not born on Earth. Your home planet, Krypton, exploded when you were just a baby. Your parents had barely enough time to send you away before the entire planet went to hell, and by some twist of fate, you ended up here.

It was hard to fit in with the rest of the kids. That was partially because of any kid’s new school jitters, but also because you’ve got abilities that most students don’t. That includes fun things like super strength, super speed, and flight, just to name a few. Your adoptive parents from Earth had to teach you early on how to hide the things that made you stand out, all so you wouldn’t get caught by the rest of your classmates.

Well, your adoptive parents and S.H.I.E.L.D., in all honesty. It didn’t take long for the spy organization to stumble upon you, and of course they’d never let someone as powerful as you go if they could avoid it. You don’t mind it, though. S.H.I.E.L.D. gave you a job with the Avengers when you were older, and it lets you help the people who need it most. You think that’s what your birth parents and everyone who died on Krypton would have wanted for you. You represent a dead race; you might as well represent it well.

So no, Avenging wasn’t the worst summer job a bored teenage boy could have. To make matters better, it let you meet your boyfriend. Peter Parker’s a damn special kid, even without his status as Spider-Man. You’re glad to have him around, both in your regular life and as an Avenger. Most days you don’t know what you’d do without him around.

You wonder if he’s sensing this weird phenomenon right now. Peter’s got reflexes like yours, a sort of knack for when things are going wrong. He ended up on a different bus than you, so hopefully he’s watching out for his friends, too. At the moment, you have to watch out for yourself.

You grab your phone and call one of the most important numbers saved to it. Steve Rogers picks up pretty quickly. You’re not supposed to be able to contact him, especially since he went undercover following the fallout from the Sokovia Accords, but the two of you have had each other’s backs for a while. You’ve got similar moral codes, and when you need help, you can always count on him.

You speak as you rush further from the buses, still searching in vain for some sign of whatever’s giving you trouble. “Something’s wrong. I don’t know what, though. I just get the feeling that we’re about to be attacked.”

Steve sighs, the sound crackling into static over your phone. “Yeah, we got that. Aliens.”

You grimace, forgetting for a moment that he can’t see the expression. “Again? They’re giving us extraterrestrials a bad name.”

“Sorry, kid,” Steve chuckles, “it’ll have to be up to you to be the resident nice UFO. Wanda and Vision were just attacked by some otherworldly soldiers. Nat, Sam, and I had their backs, but the situation needs to be handled anyway.”

You nod. “Can I meet you somewhere?”

“We’d be more than happy to have you on our side,” Steve says. “If you meet us near the Wakandan border, we can pick you up.”

“See you in a few minutes,” you tell him, then hang up.

Before you head over, there’s one last thing you need to take care of, and that’s your boyfriend. You fire off a quick text to Peter:  problems with the day job. stay alert. i’m headed to wakanda to meet w cap.

He’ll know what you mean, or he can guess. The ‘day job’ is your code word for Avengers business. You’ve both used it for a while now. Peter responds soon enough:  gotcha. be safe.

you too, you tell him, then turn off your phone to preserve battery. You duck into an alley, then wait until no one’s watching and quickly take to the sky. You’re able to fly faster than any plane, so Steve having a leg up on you doesn’t matter much. After a few minutes, you’re slowing down near the Wakandan border. You find Steve’s ship soon enough, and then you’re inside the border and marveling at the nation passing by below you.

Although you’ve heard much about Wakanda, you’ve never had a chance to visit yourself. You wish that you could slow down to admire the landscape, but time is of the essence. Steve fills you in as you fly further towards the capital city. 

Apparently some guy named Thanos is after six Infinity Stones, one of which is currently stuck in Vision’s head. You’re all headed to Wakanda in the hopes of removing it without needing to kill Vision before Thanos arrives at Earth. The guy’s goal is to kill half of the universe’s population, which really isn’t something you like.

Soon enough, you’re waiting anxiously with some of the other Avengers while you watch Shuri begin the process of removing the stone. She’s clearly moving as quickly as she can, but the operation is quite involved. This isn’t going to be an easy fix, no matter how much you’d like it to be one.

Still, you can’t help but hope she’d hurry even more. Armies are amassing on the other side of the Wakandan border, and although T’Challa has pledged the help of his soldiers in the defense of the planet, there are so many enemy fighters that you have no idea how you’ll be able to hold out forever. All you have to do is protect Shuri and Vision long enough to get out the stone and destroy it before Thanos can get to it, but even that seems difficult.

To make matters worse, Peter’s in danger, too. He texted you a while later saying that he’d also left the field trip, having picked up on some trouble of his own. Last you heard, he was fighting aliens in New York with Tony and Bruce, along with some wizard guy named Dr. Strange, but even the presence of the other Avengers isn’t a guarantee of his safety.

As you stand on a hill overlooking what you have no doubt will soon be your battlefield, you can’t help but feel tension locking up your joints. 

By your side, Steve glances at you, evidently picking up on your sense of unease. “Everything alright over there?”

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” you admit, “it’s Peter.”

Steve nods understandingly. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know,” you say, “I can’t hear his heartbeat. I don’t think he’s dead, but he’s too far away from me to pick up on him anymore. It was like he was rising into the air, but I can’t sense him anymore. I think he might be somewhere in space.”

Steve whistles under his breath. “Maybe he and some of the others are after the Stones as well. Here’s to hoping that they succeed if we don’t.”

You nod. “I just wish I knew if he was alright.”

Steve puts a hand on your shoulder. “Look, Peter’s a tough kid, he’ll be fine. If you’re going to worry about anyone,” he adds, looking past you at the waves of enemy soldiers crouching just beyond the Wakandan border, “worry about us. We’ve got an army on our hands that needs to be dealt with.”

He’s not wrong. Thanos’ army finds a way to push through the barriers, and then they’re all pouring through and you’re charging down towards them. You fight as you know best, as hard as you can. Every battle with the Avengers feels like the fight of your lives, but somehow, it registers in the back of your head that this is far more serious than anything before it. This could literally be the end of days if Thanos manages to get his hands on all of the Infinity Stones before you can destroy them. This is what matters most.

Despite this urgent need, despite all of you fighting as hard as you can, it doesn’t work. You take down ten soldiers and twenty take their place. It’s as if the enemy fighters are one endless horde. No matter how long the battle wages, they don’t ever seem to tire, nor do their numbers drop.

By contrast, your team is staggering. You can’t stop seeing fallen Wakandan soldiers on the ground, and slowly, you and the other Avengers are forced further towards the trees. Out of desperation, Wanda joins the fight, but then Vision is left unprotected. He takes to the battlefield as well, and then Thanos appears, and you feel like you might be sick to your stomach.

The logic racing through your head is terrifying. If Thanos is here, and, judging by the stones glimmering in his massive gauntlet, he’s only missing the one in Vision’s head. That means he managed to secure all of the rest, and that means wherever Peter is, he, Tony, and Bruce failed in their quest to slow Thanos down.

You have no idea if Peter is still alive. Your boyfriend isn’t the type of guy to back down from a fight, which you love about him, but also could spell his end. The only thing you can do is win this fight and go find him afterwards, but even this is impossible.

Before you know it, Thanos is descending upon you, and despite you trying everything, every maneuver you’ve ever learned, he manages to get past you. He has to use the power of the Infinity Stones, and it takes him time and effort, but he still does it. You end up crumpled on the ground, watching as he plucks the final Infinity Stone from Vision’s head. Not even Thor’s arrival makes a difference. Thanos snaps his fingers with an axe buried in his chest, and then it is all over.

Death is easy, actually. You thought it would hurt more, but Thanos had injured you enough that the loss of pain was a relief. Bucky goes first, disappearing into a cloud of ash. Steve turns to you, hand outstretched, but you can’t take it.

“Peter,” you croak out, “Find Peter. Find–”

You can’t manage anything after that. It’s dark.

And then– and then it’s light.

You open your eyes and you’re back on the ground. Nothing hurts, but you’re not dead, you’re healed. Bucky’s leaning over you, offering a hand and telling you that it’s time to go. You accept his offer of help and stand up, watching more people materialize around you. There’s a massive glowing ring of sparks looming overhead. Someone tells you that you all have to go through it to get ready for the final fight, and you do so without question.

On the other side, you find yourself in a new battlefield. It’s dusty and destroyed, but still Earth, you think. Thanos has a new army, but when you look left and right, hundreds of people are running out of similar portals as yours. You’ve got yourself a legion too, and you’d bet on yours way more.

Steve begins the charge somewhere at the front, and you launch yourself into the battle with renewed vengeance. You have no idea how he managed to bring all of you back, but you’re not letting this second chance slip away from you again.

In the middle of all the fighting, though, you’re looking for someone. You can see a silhouette swinging through the chaos, which fills you with an indescribable amount of relief, but every time you try to meet him, he’s swinging somewhere else. You’re just about to give up on trying to find him until after the battle, and then you touch down briefly on the ground and he’s right there behind you, yanking off his mask so you can see his eyes as wide as dinner plates.

“Y/N,” he breathes, and he’s running to you, practically tripping over his own feet in his haste to make it to your side.

You embrace him like a dying man. Maybe you are. It’s the closest you’ve ever felt to being a human. “Peter,” you say, “Peter, I thought you were dead.”

“I was,” he grins, “you were too, remember? We got totally dusted.”

“We’re back, though,” you say, mussing up his hair.

“We are,” he laughs, and kisses you.

You are still standing in the middle of a raging war, but for once– for once the voice in the back of your head tells you something good. It tells you that you are going to win, and you believe it. How could you not? It sounds exactly like Peter, and he would never lie to you.

marvel tag list: @namoreno,  @mayfieldss, @rogueanschel, @mycosmicparadise, @ellobruv, @callsign-scully, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie, @23victoria, @watchreadfangirlrepeat, @gods-fools-heroes, @w1shes43, @deafsuperhero, @fadedver

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Need Some Space?

Paranormal Preteens AU: Episode Twelve

A JSE Fanfic

Field trip time! :D The boys are heading to the planetarium with the rest of their school grades. It should be fun, except that Chase knows he has to tell Stacy about all their fun paranormal adventures and he really doesn’t know how to do that :( On top of that, there’s apparently some more weird stuff happening here, too. Wonder what that’s all about? ^-^

++++++++++++++++++++

Chase had never been to the planetarium before. It wasn’t technically in town, but actually a thirty-minute drive away, and that had always seemed too far to get interested in except for special occasions. But he was definitely interested in getting a day off from classes, so he was kind of excited for the field trip.

Schneep was definitely excited. He kept staring out the window of the bus, waiting for the planetarium to appear with a big grin on his face. When the large concrete-and-glass building came into view he gasped and grabbed Chase’s arm excitedly. “It’s so much bigger than I thought it would be!”

“Wow. Yeah.” Chase leaned against the window and watched as the school bus approached the building. There were a few steps leading up to the glass doors that were the front entrance. Above the doors were bronze letters spelling out “Hollewych Planetarium,” with a picture of the Earth and moon in the middle.

Two school years were going on this trip to the planetarium, so the outside was just packed with kids. Teachers and parents had come along to supervise, but Chase wasn’t sure there were enough adults for all the students. As soon as he and Schneep got off the bus, one of the teachers—Mrs. Karter, the Chemistry teacher—began trying to coral the students into a buddy system. Chase immediately grabbed Schneep’s hand. There. Already worked out.

And yet—“Chase, we’re gonna be buddies.”

Chase jumped, then sighed, and turned to the side to see Stacy staring at him intently. “Hi, Stacy,” he said. “Sorry, you’re too late. Schneep and I are buddies.”

Stacy raised an eyebrow. “Really? Don’t you have that friend, uh... what’s his name? Chad?”

“Well, yeah, but...” Chase trailed off. For some reason, Chad hadn’t talked to him at all once the school year started. Even though Chase tried to find him in the hallways or at lunch. He didn’t respond to him calling out to him when they walked past each other. Chase... wasn’t sure if this bothered him. It probably should have. 

“Well that doesn’t matter anyway because I want to be your buddy,” Stacy said. “I want to talk to you.”

He was expecting this. Exactly one week ago, Stacy had said that if Chase didn’t tell her what was going on with all the weird stuff in town, she was going to tell everyone about the monster dog and how Chase and his friends did something with it. People might not believe her, but the rumor alone was guaranteed to do damage. Chase glanced at Schneep, who jerked his head towards Stacy, as if saying ‘go ahead.’ “You don’t really know anyone here,” Chase said. “Not yet. It’ll be easier if we stick together.”

“How am I supposed to get to know anyone if we are together all the time?” Schneep asked.

“Uh—good point, but I don’t think this is the place. It’s a big building, and it’s kinda far from home.”

“I can’t believe you’re going this far to avoid me, Chase Brody,” Stacy said. “You leave me no choice.”

“Huh?”

Stacy turned around and waved her hand in the air. “Mrs. Karter! Can we make a group of three?!”

“Hmm?” Mrs. Karter looked away from the pair of students she was currently sorting out. “Well, we do have an odd number of students... alright, since you were the first to ask.”

“Thank you!” Stacy turned back around and gave Chase a smug grin. He just stared at her, dumbfounded, which Schneep chuckled. “She likes me, you know.”

“...alright...” Chase said slowly. “Uh... well... we’re about to go inside anyway, so—we can talk once we’re in there.”

“Fine.” Stacy nodded.

Walking through the front entrance took the students to a wide entrance hall, with star-patterned carpet and a giant globe in the center. The kids all immediately clustered around that, leaning over the surrounding railing to try and touch it, while the adults started coordinating with the planetarium tour guides. Chase, meanwhile, lingered over by the front counter where people would normally pay the entrance fee. He stared at the list of activities and prices hanging on the wall and tried to ignore the way Stacy was staring at him.

“Stacy, do you like space?” Schneep asked.

“Huh? I mean, I guess it’s kinda cool,” Stacy said, surprised that he asked her.

“It is! It is so—so interesting!” Schneep nodded enthusiastically. “Did you know that Venus rotates backwards? The opposite direction of Earth? And Uranus rotates on its side, like a bowling ball! And if you had a giant container of water, big enough to put Saturn in, the planet would float!”

“Wait, really?” Stacy asked. “How can a giant planet be lighter than water?”

“It is not lighter, it is less dense. Saturn is made of a bunch of gasses, just like Jupiter—and technically Uranus and Neptune, too, but those two are frozen because they are so far from the sun—”

Chase zoned out. Not because he was bored or annoyed, but because he already listened to Schneep telling him all these facts on the bus ride over. He only snapped back to attention when he heard a voice say, “Hey, aren’t you Jackie’s little friend?”

“Huh?” He shook his head a little. The voice was coming from a teenage girl standing behind the counter, wearing the white-button-down-and-blue-vest uniform of the planetarium staff. Her blonde hair was pulled back in two pigtails. He recognized her. “Oh yeah! You were on the camping trip with us! Uh...” He struggled with the name for a while, until he realized she was wearing a name tag. “Mincy!”

“That’s me.” Mincy grinned. “I saw you look at the tag. Don’t worry about it, I’m bad with names, too.”

“Well, I’m Chase,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“Working.”

“But aren’t you supposed to be in school?”

“Well, with careful schedule planning, you can eventually get yourself an entire day free!” Mincy winked. “But between you and me, I’d rather not be here now, either. I don’t usually work Mondays, but I took this shift as a favor for a friend. If I’d known it would be this busy, I wouldn’t have done it, though.”

“Ah.” Chase nodded understandingly, only half-understanding. You could work on days that you didn’t have work? Weird. “Well, uh... is it fun?”

“Working here? It’s alright. The planetarium is pretty interesting.” Mincy leaned a bit closer. “But between you and me, there are some weird things going on.”

Chase straightened. “Weird how? Is it like... especially weird?”

Mincy laughed. “Jackie asked me the same thing when I said that! No wonder he gets along with you guys. Uh, it’s a lot of little stuff, you know. There are some staff-only doors that I’m not allowed to go in, which is like... I guess not as big a thing, because maybe that’s for the bosses or something. But also, did you know we have a basement? Because I didn’t, until I overheard people talking about it in this, like, hushed conversation. They said it’s sealed up when I asked about it, but it’s still weird, right? And a lot of the people who’ve worked here a while act a little strange. They have this like... this stare that gives me the chills. And they don’t talk much. There’s this one guy, Dave, who I don’t think I’ve ever heard say a word.”

“That is pretty weird,” Chase said, nodding. He tried to look mildly interested while secretly his mind was scrambling. Was this more of the supernatural? Something else caused by this—as Anti had said—greenlight?

“It is, huh?” Mincy nodded. “Well. Don’t let me keep you. Looks like your teachers are getting ready to get you all into groups.”

Chase looked over at the group of teachers and planetarium staff. He wasn’t sure how Mincy could tell they were getting ready, but sure enough, Mrs. Karter soon said, “Alright! If you came here on the bus with me or the one with Mr. Fitzgerald, I need you over here with us!”

“Chase.” Schneep reached over and tugged on his sleeve. “That is us.”

“Yeah, I know.” Chase glanced at Stacy. He knew she’d come on the bus with them; he’d seen her sitting at the front when he and Schneep got on. So it seemed she really was coming with him. “Let’s go.”

The three of them joined the rest of the group around Mrs. Karter and Mr. Fitzgerald, all gathered around an archway leading into what looked like a series of rooms. There was also a planetarium staff member there—a tour guide of some kind. The moment they meshed into the crowd of students, Chase felt something grab his shoulder. He yelped and spun around. “Who—?! You!”

JJ grinned and gave a little wave. Marvin, standing slightly behind him, leaned around and also waved. “Hey! Isn’t this cool? The four of us are all in the same group! I knew the good luck spell I cast last night would do great things!”

“Haha... yeah...” Chase glanced around. The other students nearby were staring at them. His skin prickled with embarrassment. “Marvin, you shouldn’t shout in a planetarium.”

“I shouldn’t?” Marvin looked confused. “But it’s not like a library, right? And there are a lot of people shouting besides me.”

“Well, they shouldn’t be doing that either.” Really, Chase didn’t want to draw that much attention to themselves. “Anyway, I guess it’s a good thing you two are here. I got to tell you about something that just happened.”

The four boys clustered together as the group started to move into the series of rooms, and Chase quickly recounted his conversation with Mincy. Schneep asked him to repeat once, as he’d gotten distracted by a diagram of how a telescope worked, but other than that, there were no problems. Well... there was Stacy. She was standing close enough to overhear, and in fact seemed quite keen on overhearing as she tried to lean her way into the boys’ cluster.

Do you think there’s more of that greenlight stuff here? JJ asked, using the individual signs for “green” and “light” to convey the name.

“I don’t know,” Chase said. “Maybe. I think we should pay attention.”

Stacy poked her head into a gap in between Marvin and Schneep’s shoulders. “Pay attention to what? Are you looking for some more monster dogs?”

“No, we got rid of that one, and we’re pretty sure it was the only one,” Marvin said. “We’re not really sure what we’re looking for this time, but anything strange, like something glowing green—”

“Marvin!” Chase hissed.

“What?” Marvin blinked in confusion. “Doesn’t she know?”

“I... haven’t shared... the details yet,” Chase said haltingly. He glanced at Stacy, who looked very interested in this conversation.

JJ frowned. You said you would. And none of us had a problem with that.

“He is just worried about letting in new people,” Schneep said.

“Are there no girls allowed in your club?” Stacy asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“No, it’s not that you’re a girl,” Chase said. “And it’s not a club.”

Marvin gasped. “Can it be a club? Can we have a name?!”

“We can talk about that later,” Chase said. He was noticing people staring again. “Let’s shut up for a minute. We need a... quiet place. Where we can be alone.”

The others agreed. Even Stacy, though she didn’t look happy about it. They all started paying actual attention to the planetarium now. This area they were in was dedicated to physical objects, like telescopes and samples of moon rock. Diagrams on the wall explained things like the Mars rover and the rocket people used to go to the moon. It didn’t interest Chase that much, but Schneep found it all fascinating. Marvin and JJ were sort of forced to take interest in the exhibits, as their teacher had given their class a worksheet to fill out while on the field trip—something Marvin complained about.

Stacy was sort of into the exhibits, but most of her time was spent constantly glancing at Chase and the others, as if afraid they would try to ditch her.

The last thing in this series of rooms was a giant pendulum, suspended from the very top floor of the three-story planetarium and hanging down through a series of holes. It was constantly moving, and a plaque nearby said that this was because of the Earth’s rotation. There were a series of domino-like things in a circle around the pendulum, some of them knocked down. The five of them watched it for about ten minutes, waiting for the pendulum to knock down another one. When it did, they all cheered, as did all the other students watching.

Then it was time to move on to a different section of the planetarium. The group went to a pair of rooms entirely dedicated to the sun, moon, and Earth, and the relationship between them. Here, Marvin got fully immersed in an interactive display that let you simulate a solar and lunar eclipse, to the point where Schneep had to fully drag him away so he could have a turn. Chase thought this area was a bit more interesting. He didn’t know that the seasons were caused by the tilt of the Earth. Or did he learn that last year? Science wasn’t his strong suit, and last school year had been his worst school performance.

All this time, he tried to pay attention to his surroundings, looking for anything strange. But he didn’t see anything.

They went up to the second floor and came to a long hallway with giant models of the sun and planets in the solar system. And these models were giant. The smallest planet, Mercury, was big enough that Chase’s fingers would barely touch if he wrapped his arms around it (not that he could, since there was a railing.) And Jupiter was taller than the teachers! The sun wasn’t even a full model, just a partial circle embedded in the wall.

Schneep kept talking about how this hallway wasn’t anywhere close “to scale” but Chase was impressed anyway. Stacy was, too, as this was the first room where she wasn’t constantly keeping an eye on the others. She spent most of her time playing with a scale that would tell you how much you would weigh on each planet—and complaining that Pluto wasn’t part of the model. “It’s still a planet!” she said, and JJ nodded in firm agreement. The two of them probably would have talked about that if Stacy could understand sign language.

“Alright, everyone!” Mr. Fitzgerald announced. “This way, please! We have a viewing scheduled in the Astrodome!”

“The Astrodome,” Chase repeated. “That sounds cool.”

It’s a bit like a theater, JJ said. Except the movie screen is a dome above you and around you.

“Cool,” Chase said again, grinning. “This place is cool.”

“We should come back here some time with Aunt Jess, Chase,” Schneep said. “When we left today she said she wanted to see this some time. I think she mentioned something about it being new and her not having time.”

“Yeah.” Chase’s smile slowly faded. He remembered when the planetarium had opened. It was last year. Around November, he thought. That was when Mom and Dad... That was when he first noticed that they were... different. He’d seen some things before that, of course, overheard conversations he probably shouldn’t have, but... The atmosphere in those conversations had been isolated before. November was when it first started to spread to every interaction they had. Neither of them had been in the mood for a family trip to the planetarium.

“Chase, come on!” Schneep tugged on his arm. “We are behind!” Then he turned and hurried ahead.

“Ah, sorry!” Chase hadn’t even realized he’d frozen in place. He started to hurry after Schneep... but then he noticed something. Mrs. Karter wasn’t heading towards the hall leading to the Astrodome. She was walking the opposite direction. He stopped, and watched as she opened a gate in the railing separating the model planets from the rest of the solar system. She had a key to that? Since when? Did all the teachers have a key?

He glanced back at the retreating group, then followed her. He just wanted to make sure. If something strange was happening, he’d go back to get the others.

Mrs. Karter closed the gate behind her, but left it unlocked. Chase slowly eased it open and stepped through. He watched her disappear around the model of Neptune.

“What are you doing, Chase Brody?” Chase turned around to see Stacy standing there, hands on her hips. “We’re going to lose the group!”

“Mrs. Karter just... went this way...” Chase said slowly.

“She did?” Stacy said doubtfully. “I didn’t see her.”

“Hey, what’re you guys doing?” Marvin approached the two of them. “Schneep and JJ are getting away from us.”

“Hang on.” Chase walked forward and peered around the giant Neptune model. And he saw... a door. One marked “Staff Only,” hidden behind Saturn. But he didn’t see Mrs. Karter. “I think she went through a staff door.”

“Wait really?” Marvin hurried through the still-open gate, and Stacy gasped in surprise at his audacity. “Like the staff door you were talking about earlier? One of the maybe-weird ones?”

“Yeah.”

“Well we have to check it out, then,” Marvin said.

“It could just be a staff door, you know,” Stacy pointed out.

“We won’t know that unless we peek through,” Marvin rebutted. “If it’s just, like, a closet or something, we’ll catch up with the others.” He walked past Chase, leaving him to follow.

“You can’t just—!” Stacy glanced around, then ran after the two of them, catching up as they reached the closed staff door. “If there’s someone in there they’re gonna be so mad, you know.”

“Then we just tell them that we saw Mrs. Karter go this way.” Chase shrugged. “It’s the truth. And she’s our teacher. So of course we would try to follow her on a field trip.”

“Do you think she locked the door?” Marvin asked, reaching out. He grabbed the handle. It twisted easily. “Oh, I guess not.” He pushed the door open—

And suddenly, Chase felt himself fall forward. He yelped and tried to regain his balance but something was pulling him. Stacy, standing behind him, also fell forward, knocking him over, and he then knocked over Marvin, and the three of them were falling through darkness.

There wasn’t enough time to scream before they landed hard on the ground, knocking the breath out of them. Chase groaned. That was worse than wiping out on his skateboard. His entire left side hurt, and his arm felt funny. He hoped it wasn’t broken.

“What... just happened?” Stacy’s voice said in the darkness.

“A-are you guys alright?” Marvin’s voice asked.

“Everything hurts,” Chase said quietly.

“Yeah,” Stacy agreed. “I don’t... want to move.”

Chase heard movement—the sound of cloth rustling—and then a hiss of breath. “Yeah. Moving not good yet,” Marvin said. “Let’s just... stay here until we feel better. And try to figure out where we are.”

“It’s pitch black,” Stacy said.

“Wow, no, really?” Chase replied sarcastically.

“Where are you? I’m gonna punch you.” More movement as Stacy tried to find him. Luckily, she seemed to be out of arm’s reach, and she gave up. “Fine, whatever.” She paused. “Okay. So... you guys opened a door. And then it like—like sucked us in?”

“Oh, is that what happened?” Marvin said. “Well. Goes to show the staff doors really are part of the weird shit. D’you think Mrs. Karter got sucked in like this?”

“Maybe?” Chase guessed.

“I don’t think she’s nearby, though,” Stacy said. “Or she would’ve heard us and come over to ask us what we’re doing here.” More cloth rustling, then some footsteps. Stacy was standing up. “Hello?” she called.

There was no reply.

Chase took a deep breath and slowly stood as well. His left arm really felt weird, but it didn’t hurt and he could move it, so it probably wasn’t broken. “Alright. Does anyone have a flashlight or something?”

“Who just carries a flashlight around?” Stacy muttered.

“Don’t those fancy cell phones with the touch screens light up?” Marvin asked. “Do either of you have one? I don’t.”

“I thought you did?” Chase said, confused.

“No, it’s technically JJ’s cell phone, and he was carrying it in his bag today. It’s not a fancy touch screen model, either, so the light from the screen wouldn’t be enough anyway. What about your phone?”

“I didn’t bring it. I’d normally leave it in my locker at school but we weren’t going to be in the school building today so I left it at home.” Chase paused. “Um... Stacy, do you—”

“My parents won’t let me get a cell phone until I’m fifteen,” Stacy said. “Ugh. It would’ve been so helpful to be able to call someone right now! Whatever. We’ll just feel our way along.” Footsteps. “Okay, here’s a wall. Feels normal. So there’s gotta be a door or a light switch somewhere around here.”

Chase walked towards her voice until he also found the wall. “I’ll walk the other direction,” he said. “We’ll find one eventually.”

Marvin finally stood up. “I’m going over here,” he announced, voice and footsteps retreating into the other direction. “Oh. There’s another wall here. This is a pretty small room. Do you think this is a closet? It would be a big closet, but not too big, you know? But there’s nothing in here, I think, and closets are for storing things.”

The three kids walked around the edge of the dark room, looking for an entrance or anything else helpful. But too soon, they all bumped into each other. “Omg, you guys totally threw me off!” Stacy complained. “I don’t know where I am now! Where’s the door?”

“Stacy...we’ve just met in the middle, and there hasn’t been a door at all,” Chase whispered.

“What? That’s impossible!” Stacy protested. “How’d we get in?!”

“I think we fell?” Marvin suggested.

“That’s right.”

That was not any of their voices.

Stacy screamed, which made Chase scream and spin around. “Who’s—” he started to say. Then the voice fully registered in his brain. He knew who that belonged to. “No. No, what are you doing here?”

“Am I here?” Anti’s voice sounded like it was coming from right in front of where they were standing with their backs pressed against the wall. “Or are you just hearing things?”

“Don’t bullshit us!” Marvin shouted. “Why are you here?”

Anti laughed. “I’m just watching. But it looks like you’re stuck, so I’ll give you a little hint.”

Chase heard a sound like fingers snapping, and something started glowing green right in front of them, the light reflecting off the features of a familiar face. Anti grinned. It looked even more ghoulish than usual. The light was coming from a glowing ball he held with his pointer finger and thumb. He flicked his fingers, and the ball bounced over to the corner of the room. “The walls aren’t put together well. Try pushing in the right place. Good luck.” His smile widened, and then the green ball flickered and disappeared. Anti’s presence disappeared as well.

Stacy gulped. “What... w-who...?”

“That’s... Anti,” Chase said slowly. “He’s... we’re not sure what. But he’s been messing with us.”

“I still think he’s a ghost,” Marvin added. “Anyway. Do we do that? What he said about pushing the walls in the right place?”

Chase paused, trying to think of something else, but nothing came to him. “I don’t have any other ideas. And whatever happens can’t be worse than being stuck in a box.”

He walked over to the corner where the green ball of light had disappeared. Then he braced his hands on either wall and pushed. Sure enough, he felt something give slightly. He pushed harder, grunting with exertion. Marvin and Stacy hurried over to help, joining him in pushing. Slowly, the walls tilted outward... and then fell to the ground with a loud CLAP! noise.

The three of them stared out into a wide, nearly-empty room. Its ceiling was twice as tall as normal and lined with rafters. Square pillars were dotted around, connecting the high-above ceiling to the cheaply-carpeted floor. It looked like a basement. A really big basement, since they couldn’t see the walls.

 There were no lightbulbs or lamps, but the area was well-lit anyway. Because dotted throughout the area were floating spheres of glowing yellow light. The spheres ranged in size from ping-pong-ball to two-fists-together. And they weren’t the only things floating. Random items hovered in midair: rocks, mostly, but also paper cups, pens and pencils, scissors, and more.

“Whoa,” Marvin breathed. “It’s like—it’s like space.”

Stacy stepped forward and poked a stapler hovering around head-height. It floated away from the touch. “What the heck?” she whispered, and looked at Chase. “Is this—is this something you guys deal with a lot?”

“Uhhh we’ve never seen this before,” Chase said. He started walking, and found he felt... lighter. Each step sent him a bit farther into the air, and he came down a bit gentler than normal. After taking a moment to get used to this, he walked over to the nearest ball of light and reached out. He couldn’t actually touch it, but when he waved his hand through it, he felt warmth. “But... we’ve seen a lot of weird stuff.”

“And only you and your friends know about it?” Stacy asked.

“Yeah.”

“Well, we did see Mrs. Karter walk through the staff door that sucked us down here,” Marvin said. “So, unless the suckage just happened when we opened the door, she has to know about it too, right?”

Chase frowned. “I guess. And Mincy said that some of the staff at the planetarium were acting weird. Maybe... they also knew about this weird... basement? She did mention she overheard a conversation about a basement.”

Marvin’s brows scrunched together in confusion. “Do you think the staff knew about this and are keeping it a secret?”

“Maybe. But why?”

“Maybe for the same reason you guys didn’t tell anyone,” Stacy muttered.

Chase looked over at her. The two of them stared at each other for a while. Then Chase sighed. He still wasn’t happy about it, but after this, it wouldn’t be fair to keep it from Stacy any longer. Maybe she wasn’t as bad as he thought. “Look, you can’t tell anyone what I’m gonna tell you, okay? I mean, people might not believe you, but just in case, we don’t want anyone to try and stop this.”

Stacy nodded slowly.

“I mean it. Especially don’t tell Heather Westing.”

“That won’t be a problem,” Stacy said.

“Wait, I thought you were friends with her?” Marvin interrupted, confused.

“We are friends!” Stacy protested. “It’s just—she’s been acting a bit weird lately.” Stacy folded her arms. “I think it’s because my mom doesn’t want me to go to this movie Heather wants to go to. It’s based on a book and my mom read the book description and she said it was too dark for me, but it’s really not, I mean, it’s a romance, and even if it wasn’t I want to read it anyway because I bet it will be cool. Anyway Heather realized I didn’t read the book and my mom won’t let me go see the movie and she got a bit weird. But the movie comes out in November so I hope I can get the book from the school library and read it by then and I’ll tell Mom that it was fine and that I should be allowed to go to the movie.”

“Uh... okay.” Chase didn’t really get all that, but he got that Heather and Stacy weren’t on the best of terms right now. “Anyway. This place is kind of creeping me out. So let’s try to find a way out of here and I’ll explain everything while we look around.”

Stacy nodded. “Alright.”

++++++++++++++++++++

Luckily, the mysterious space-themed basement wasn’t that big, so Chase didn’t have to go into too much detail. He gave the basic explanation of each of the group’s encounters with the strange things going on: the library ghost, the pool monster, the weird mushrooms, the monster dog, and Anti. Marvin kept trying to give more details but Chase quickly redirected the conversation back to the point. By the time they reached the basement wall, Chase had told Stacy everything.

She was quiet for a while, processing all this information. “I wouldn’t believe you if I didn’t see that crazy dog. And if we weren’t surrounded by all this stuff.” She waved her hand through the air, breaking up a cluster of floating paper clips. “But alright. I won’t tell anyone. Because if I wouldn’t believe you, I doubt anyone else will.” She held eye contact with Chase. “But I want to know.”

“You want... to know?” Chase repeated.

“Yeah, I want to know about all the stuff you guys do. And what you figure out about this greenlight stuff. I dunno if I’ll be able to come with you guys to check any of it out. My mom and dad wouldn’t let me walk around town on my own like your mom does. And a lot of the time I have to watch Roxy, so—”

“Who?”

“My little sister. She’s eight and sometimes my parents are at work for longer than they wanna be so I sometimes have, like, an hour or two where I watch her. It’s not too bad. But the point is, even if I can’t go there, I want to know.”

“Uh... yeah. Sure.” Chase nodded. “We can keep you in the loop.”

Stacy smiled. “Thanks.” She turned her attention to the basement wall. “Now. Which staircase do we take?”

Spaced out evenly among the basement wall were staircases leading upwards. They were about six feet apart and all looked about the same. Normal, brightly-lit metal stairwells that, after about ten steps or so, led into sudden darkness. 

“You’d think they’d all go to the same place,” Marvin said, looking at the rows of stairs. “Because they all look like they’re going the same direction. But I don’t think we can trust that. This place is already weird. There’s no real way to figure out which one is which, so maybe we just pick one? Hang on, I’m gonna try to divine which way to go. It’ll be hard cause I don’t have any of the right stuff, but it’s worth a shot.” He traced a pattern in the carpet with the toe of his shoe: a star in a circle. Then he knelt by the pattern and closed his eyes.

Stacy stared at him. Then she looked at Chase.

“He just does stuff like this,” Chase mumbled, not looking directly at her or Marvin. “It’s fine.”

“So, uh, is it real?” Stacy jerked her head at Marvin and the pattern in the carpet.

“I dunno. He used his crystals and rocks to save us a couple times, but... I don’t know.”

Stacy nodded. “And... the cape?” she whispered.

“That’s just him.”

Marvin opened his eyes. “Okay. I think we go this way.” He stood up and walked over to a random stairwell. Stacy and Chase followed him and the three started walking up. The stairs were always lit ten steps ahead of them, but no farther.

As they did, Stacy continued to ask Chase questions. “So, not even your parents know about this? Your mom just kinda lets you do whatever?”

“Well, I have a bedtime,” Chase said. “And it’s gonna be harder to ‘do whatever’ with school and stuff. As long as I give a good explanation, she’s happy. She likes that I’ve been hanging out with people again. Besides, she wouldn’t believe me. Like you said earlier. No grown-ups would. We’d just be kids playing games to them.”

“But you haven’t told anyone our age before me, either,” Stacy stated.

“No. I don’t want to be... You know people would...” Chase tried to put his thoughtsinto words that wouldn’t spill all his feelings and fears to a girl he’d barely talked to. “If anyone at school knew that I was doing this, it wouldn’t matter if it was real or not, because it’s all really... different. Like, magic rocks? Used to channel green energy? That’s weird. And nobody would ever forget that. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as the weirdo ghost guy from a group of weirdo magic people.”

Marvin stopped walking.

“Marvin?” Chase asked. “Why’d you stop?”

“...it is all weird, huh?” Marvin said quietly.

“Y-yeah.” Chase nodded.

“Yeah.”

Chase had never heard Marvin so quiet before. Was he upset? No, he couldn’t be. Marvin would probably be swearing at Chase if he was angry, as loud as ever. “Did you hear something?” Chase asked.

“I dunno,” Marvin said. “Let’s stop talking for a moment.”

“Right.” Chase also went quiet, paying attention to the world around him. And because he was now paying attention, he noticed that Stacy was staring at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. “What?” he whispered to her.

“Are you serious?” she whispered back. “Chase Brody, you just—”

“Wait, there’s something,” Marvin interrupted.

Everyone fell silent again, and that’s when they heard it. Footsteps coming down the staircase towards them. The three of them exchanged silent looks of panic, and then Stacy turned and started walking back down the stairs as quickly and quietly as possible. The boys followed, making slightly more noise than she did.

Voices also drifted down the staircase, coming closer. Two people talking. “—those kinds would be fine, really,” a man’s voice was saying.

“It’s not easy to find this stuff out,” said a... familiar voice. The three kids exchanged surprised looks. That voice belonged to Mrs. Karter. “Not all of them are trusting. I’ve been trying to ask Gina, but she keeps her lips shut tight.”

“Have you thought about recruiting her? It would be helpful if she was on our side.”

“I’m not sure she would be ideal. She might not understand the bigger picture. And it would be so much trouble if we showed her, and then she rejected us, and then we had to find a way to get rid of her—she’s pretty well-connected, people would notice.”

“It may be worth a shot anyway, given her position. We can move slowly. You’ve already mentioned talking to her, keep being friendly. I think if Olivia and Wendy can also befriend her, we might have a shot at bringing Gina in.”

The three kids reached the end of the staircase, but where to go from there? The basement was wide-open, nowhere to hide. Chase glanced at Marvin and Stacy, then gestured forward urgently. They’d just have to run! Stacy nodded, but Marvin looked confused.

“Just double-checking,” the man’s voice said. “You’re sure we got an intruder alert?”

“I am,” said Mrs. Karter. “They must’ve come in right after me. Hopefully they’re kids from the field trip. That would make this easier.”

Chase grabbed Marvin by the wrist and broke into a run. Stacy followed—she was surprisingly fast! The wall of staircases already started to fade into the distance when there came a shout of “Hey!” The three of them sped up.

The basement seemed even larger than it had before. They could hear the footsteps of people running after them. Marvin glanced over his shoulder but Chase and Stacy were too focused on getting out of there. Floating objects bounced off them and flew in different directions. The footsteps were still behind them, not getting closer, not getting farther.

CRAK!

Stacy yelped and went down. The boys skidded to a halt. She’d stepped in the wrong place, and her foot had gone into a crack in the floor that they hadn’t seen before. Had they come this way earlier? Or had they just not noticed it? The crack was pretty big, Chase wasn’t sure how they could have missed it.

Why did it look so familiar?

Stacy tried to stand up but couldn’t. She looked at the two of them, silently asking for help. Chase grabbed her hand and started to pull, and Marvin did the same with her other hand. She was really stuck in there. It felt like something else was pulling against them. Chase spared a moment to get a closer look at the crack. It was barely big enough for Stacy’s foot to have fit through, and it led into pure blackness. For some reason, that gave him a chill.

The footsteps were getting closer. Chase put all his effort into pulling, and finally, Stacy popped free. She staggered, falling into the two boys, then quickly recovered and dashed away, leaving them to catch up.

The opposite wall of the basement finally came into view. It looked just like the other one, lined with staircases. The kids didn’t discuss which one to take, they just ran up the first one they came to, sprinting up stairs in the darkness. The footsteps behind them receded slightly, but they didn’t stop. Chase started to get winded, but they didn’t stop.

Until finally, the staircase ended in a closed door. Chase threw himself at the door—and stopped short when it didn’t open all the way. Stacy and Marvin slammed into the door next to him, pushing it open further. There was just enough room for them to wriggle out of the gap, and they did so. As soon as they were out Chase slammed the door behind them and pushed the heavy object partially blocking the door back against it.

The three of them stopped to breathe, listening for footsteps or voices on the other side of the door. Nothing. They collectively slumped in relief, and started to look around. “Where are we?” Marvin whispered.

It was a small room, mostly taken up by metal cabinets—which was what had been blocking the door earlier—and weird computer-y looking equipment. A swivel chair sat in front of a wide window, and through the glass they could see some sort of projection of the night sky.

Then another door opened up to the side. “What the fuck? When did you kids get in here?”

The three of them stiffened and stared at the guy who opened the door. He wasn’t too much older than a teenager, and he wore the planetarium uniform. He also had a pair of headphones with an attached microphone on his head. “Uhhhh...” Chase said.

The young man sighed. “Just get back to your seats.” He pointed behind him.

Chase, Stacy, and Marvin glanced at each other, then silently walked out of the room, passing by the man.

They were in a place that looked like a movie theater. But instead of there being a screen on one wall, the screen was a giant dome overhead. This was where the projection of the night sky was. They were standing at the back of this circular room. To their right was the room they’d just come out of—a small booth covered in fuzzy black material. To their right was an identical booth. And in front of them were the rows of seats, almost completely full of kids. A woman’s voice came from an intercom, narrating something about constellations.

This was the Astrodome. They’d ended up here after all.

“I guess... we just sit down?” Stacy whispered.

“I guess,” Chase whispered back.

They found the nearest group of empty seats and sat down, trying to pay attention to the presentation and the fake night sky overhead.

After the presentation, the three of them lingered in the same seats as all the other students filed out. Chase was pretty sure Stacy and Marvin were doing the same thing he was: looking for Mrs. Karter. But she wasn’t in the room.

“There you are!”

Chase jumped and looked around. Schneep was running up the aisle between the seats towards them, followed by JJ. “Oh. Hi.”

“Where were you?!” Schneep demanded. “I thought—I-I thought—what happened?! Did something happen? A-are you alright?” JJ put a hand on his shoulder, and that seemed to calm Schneep’s nerves a bit.

“We’re alright, but...” Chase looked at Stacy, who held his gaze. Then at Marvin, who wasn’t looking at any of them, not even JJ. Just staring up at the blank dome, staying quiet. Chase wondered if he was okay, or if something about that detour had bothered him. He could ask him about that later. Right now? “We have stuff to talk about.”

[em-marti-capstone]

WEEK 7 - MARCH 12

Last week, we went to a few Chelsea galleries to look at the exhibitions.

Honestly, I don't know how much I learned from it. I just kind of became jealous of the interesting layouts of the spaces. One place we went to seemed L-shaped, another space had like 3-4 rooms/areas that we could walk through. One gallery seemed like it was a rectangle, but the lighting and higher ceilings (plus the large projects themselves) made the space feel monumental, in a way? I was just... a little sad and envious because our space is kind of just a rectangle. I don't know, I'm sure it's going to come out nice when everyone's projects are installed, especially the rooms in the center of the gallery. But yeah, the field trip was a nice experience, and I got to see some cool artwork.

This week, I had to recut some more pieces of my quilt/comforter, and cut more shapes. I didn’t realize how much re-cutting I would be doing, but it’s for a couple reasons. At first, I thought I was cutting pieces wrong because strings kept coming out of the edges of the shapes. I thought I was cutting too fast or maybe the blade of the rotary cutter was dull. But I also learned it’s going to happen regardless. The technique to when I actually sew some of these pieces, which Kate told me about, is folding the edges inward and ironing them, so that when I sew the pieces, the edges are clean and closed. So, I had to cut a few pieces again into a slightly bigger size so that when I fold the edges inward for sewing, the shape isn’t too small or off from what my layout is supposed to be.

Again, the background blanket is just for reference for sizing! Not actually part of my capstone.

Originally, in my digital layout, I didn’t have the circles against a square background shape. However, it’ll be a bit easier to sew the circle onto the small square patch, and then sew the square patch onto the background fabric.

I still have a few other shapes left, like the two other abstract fabrics of my other homes, and some other little memories like roasting marshmallows or playing the Wii. I plan to finish cutting those pieces in class, as well as all the fabrics for the background of the top design.

I will also be staying in the bunker (un)fortunately all day Wednesday after my classes to FINALLY put some of these pieces together. Well- I’ll most likely start sewing the smaller designs first, ironing them out, then putting them onto the background fabric.

I also have to finish my rough draft of my project description for HASS, then the final draft. I have no idea what the title of my quilt/comforter will be though, so that’s a concern.

For spring break, I plan to come to campus at least two days to finish sewing the top of the quilt for the next critique. Then I can add little jewels and text possibly. And then sew the backing and batting together with the top of the comforter.

Also, completely random news kind of! A couple months ago, Nancy told me about a quilting workshop in Wassaic, NY, which my dad, sister, and I went to! It was pretty fun, where we learned how to do pinwheel squares. I had barely touched a sewing machine in years, so it was a great experience to try it out and try to “professionally” sew some squares. Then the quilters who ran the event put everyone’s squares together and made a giant quilt. They raffled it off and finally announced the winner this weekend….MY DAD WON WOOOOOOOOO!

They’re going to mail the quilt to him soon, and hopefully it’s really soon because I’d love to see how they stitched it all together. But yeah! It was great :)

[accidentalalien]

Finished "Suppose a guy from the last dungeon boonies moved to the starter town?" the other day, and my internet wasn't working so here's my favorite part:

(lots of spoilers)

this is a cool fight and he can do magic now suddenly BUT WHERE IS THE DETAIL THAT HE HAPPENS TO BE ABLE TO SUMMON RAIN

THAT'S MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT DETAIL PLEASE

THE SCALE i think the way they use scale is one of my favorite concepts from this anime The "fight-time anime characters are insanely powerful so we are just gonna start out like you have all this cultural base knowledge built up and just run with that so you're going to be fighting a new demon lord every few episodes" and by the end it's like "these god-like beings hanging out and filming Loyd killing monsters like overly-excited family members on a field trip" the animosity/grandfatherly affection from a guy who is an Archetype made flesh trying to end the world so he can CREATE A NEW HERO TI FILL THAT ARCHETYPE AND FINALLY DIE CUZ HE'S BEEN AROUND SINCE THE CREATION OF THE WORLD and like oh my god

the relationships that immortal beings have with mortals and the scale they are working on is so fascinating to me like this guy is manufacturing an apocalypse and becoming The Big Bad and being eeeeeviiiiilllll so Loyd can defeat him, but he'd got the vibe of "La La La! look at this lovely camping trip I'm planning, my grandson will love it so much, what a fun adventure!"

And it works in other concepts like it takes the idea of "this random ass man is suddenly the most important guy ever and everyone loves him- even the king -and so many people in super unrealistic stations" and that's super fun and turns it up to 5 million and burns the dial into dust.

like, its so funny because, of course this guy is important, because fucking gods are paying attention to him and trying to give him enrichment. Like a lot of the anime i watch where you have this really bland guy being so powerful is because it's a power fantasy and the guy is you (and they don't know you so lets make him as vague as possible), and that's super fun, but they take the ideas and tropes that arise from that "you get to be the most important and most powerful but still a normal guy" situation and go "what if we made a reason for all of this nonsense to be what actually makes sense to happen?" like like :3 Suppose a guy from the last dungeon boonies moved to the starter town?

[sauntering-down]

another small dream compliation

as usual, pulled from my discord chat with Mary...

had a dream where i was at some kind of huge school scavenger hunt at an event just called 'Fest'. the clues were extremely vague and confusing and i think we were supposed to be finding gems, but my team searched the entire massive library and couldn't find anything... also everyone had these little fabric "bombs" of colored powder you could throw at other teams to attack them and steal their gems, so we all looked like we'd just come from a Holi celebration or something... it wasn't too vivid but it WAS kinda cool lol

----

had an absolutely terrible dream. i was at my junior high and found out very suddenly we were going on a field trip, which seemed extremely weird as we were boarding the bus right after 12 and school ended at 2:15 iirc... but the bus only drove us down the street to this building in the woods. and that sounds super sinister but it was a planetarium of some kind?? couldn't tell you for sure as we never DID anything there, we were just turned loose in the gift shop lmfao. and this shop was 1. huge and 2. FULL OF COOL SPACE STUFF. like immediately when we went in this girl Jamie and i saw a white hoodie printed with stars and constellations and, for some reason, bears, and we went WANT, instantly started looking for one that'd fit. she finally found one that wasn't XXXXXXXXXS, but i did not... and then she and another girl made fun of me, so i was sad. also because i hadn't realized we had the trip, i didn't have much money with me. went wandering around looking at all this COOL SPACE STUFF - shirts and books and backpacks and posters and so much other stuff and i wanted Many Things, but i couldn't afford much and i was so disappointed about that hoodie... i walked around for so long and finally left without buying anything and everyone else was gone? there was no bus??? i was concerned.jpg but finally a bus came... apparently they'd left me behind and didn't realize until they got to school and had to send the bus back... which made me feel even better. sigh. terrible dream, truly.

----

k so. don't remember a good portion of my batshit insane dream - at the beginning there was some kind of war going on around me that i mostly ignored in favor of hanging around a dormitory and stalking some dude. and then i was at my old house, opening up my mom's SUV, and on the passenger side was a big box with a ginormous gun in it. this was apparently my birthday present, and i was inexplicably thrilled, spent a good few minutes messing around before deciding hey, maybe i shouldn't mess around with this bigass loaded rifle thing in the middle of my crowded suburb - at least until i know how to use it properly!! so i went searching for the instruction manual, which was also in the box but needed to be unlocked via my mp3 player. no, idk how that worked. anyway, i'm sitting there reading this manual next to the car when two people walk up. they're both carrying big cages with a MASSIVE cat in each one. the woman tells me these are two of the four cats my family is adopting tomorrow. i was unsure.jpg because we already had three cats and these fuckers looked terrifyingly large lmao, but i finally went and got my mom and she did the talking while i read lol. skip ahead to the next day, where i'm chilling in the house with my new siblings. that's right, folks, these cats were some wyrwulf bullshit who immediately aged up into four kids. i only really remember the second youngest one, a little redheaded girl named Janie (although my mom called her Jane).

i was singing songs and shit, trying to entertain these kids while my parents made dinner and that war from the beginning was going on outside. also told them a story and Janie made a comparison between one of the characters and MCU Loki - i was going to be like 'ehhhh no' lol but i thought about it and it actually made sense, so i told her that was clever. she was THRILLED and uh... bit my jaw? and shook her head like a puppy whilst still biting my jaw???? it didn't hurt but i went to my mom like "we might need to teach Janie some more appropriate ways of expressing excitement" lmfao. the end.

----

another dream i don't remember except for one tiny detail - i was wearing a zip-up hooded sweatshirt that started out sunset-hued at the bottom, all red and orange and gold, and then bled into dark blue as you went up until around chest-shoulder height where it was indigo/black and covered in stars... looked extremely fucking cool.

also remembered something else whilst i was out purchasing hot dogs... i was in a house with my dad and i was being stalked by this huge anthropomorphic rabbit. like a furry or a mall Easter Bunny gone horribly wrong - it was supposedly all rotting and deformed, but i don't remember getting a good look at it. i do know at one point i was sitting at a table eating some cereal in a rather dim room, and when i looked up and in the mirror on the wall i realized it was standing directly behind me. i freaked out and then told my father i hated that thing and didn't want to deal with it, and idk if this was actually some kinda horror game or my dad just figured out the console commands for real life, because he opened up a menu and unchecked a box and the bunny went away lmfao. anyway reminded me of our boy Cracker Barrel

----

right before i woke up i had a very vivid dream which i have unfortunately almost entirely forgotten. the bits i do remember are mostly nonsense - there were spaceships, there was some giant monster attacking, i had magic and was trying to fight the monster with my best friend Ron Weasley, one of my cats escaped the house, the Ninja Turtles might've been involved at one point... but i do remember the end which was really cool. so we defeated the monster (which may not have been the main antagonist, i think they were on one of the spaceships), mostly by realizing it was just a baby and throwing this huge metal ball around and accidentally killing people because it was trying to play. Ron and this weird frog creature called Tee and i played with it properly and lured it into a place where it could be safely captured, using some magic rune we made up and another Tee invented. idk. but it worked, we all won the battle, huzzah. move ahead into this big stone meeting hall where this group of magic-using warriors lived... the only detail i recall was these metal plates set into the wall with raised blue lines on them forming a different picture on each. as they studied magic, they would get these images tattooed on them to indicate they had mastered a certain school of study - some of the images were simple, others were fairly complex and tattooed in stages as the mage learned more. they'd all been using the same ones (and there were a couple hundred) for like a thousand years, no more had been approved in that long. but they'd finally decided to add two new ones, the one Ron and i made up (which looked sort of like a castle and was pretty complicated) and the one Tee made up (a simpler one-stage tattoo). so these pictures were 'stamped' on new metal plates in a magic fire, big ceremony, it was a huge deal and it was implied Ron and i were going to join their group. super cool. except...

the guy in charge of this organization, the one overseeing this huge mega not-performed-for-a-millennium ceremony, a solemn yet exciting event, this dude who was our wise mentor and leader, our Gandalf figure, who'd been severely injured at the start of this fight and was initially expected to die, but managed to recover... was Squidward.

[vermillionmars]

" TEAMWORK " — !!

goro akechi x gn phantom thief reader

cw/tw ; profanity, sexual jokes, blackmail

a/n ; two versions of the same drabble, both unfinished,, surprise surprise, they both suck ass!! :DD

“ — VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR ! ”

VERSION 1 ;

You knew Goro Akechi wasn't who he claimed to be.

In truth, he wasn't the second coming of the Detective Prince—Hell, he was hardly even a detective. How could he be considered one when he created the cases he solved?

In the same manner, you weren't the average Shujin student who just-so-happened to be friends with the victims of the Phantom Thieves' known targets.

You were both actors, in a sense—playing the part of someone else to appease the other party. You were both lying through your teeth, claiming ignorance to the inner workings of the Phantom Thieves of Hearts. Akechi knew you were one-hundred percent involved with the Thieves of Hearts, but at the same time, you knew he knew more about the Metaverse than he let on.

You were there that day, after all—when your class took a trip to the TV station.

The second years at Shujin had to pick a destination for their field trip and most of the class, knowing the famous Goro Akechi would likely be there, picked the TV station. Sure, half of them had no interest in the Television industry or how it functioned, but they could ignore all that boring stuff if it meant they got to see their idol. You weren't opposed to the trip—it did actually seem like fun, being on TV and all—so you chose it, too.

Then, on June 9th, you followed your classmates throughout the tour of the station. The tour guide provided everyone with basic, obvious knowledge of how the media industry worked. It was rather boring, and you found yourself wandering off midway through her speech.

It was there that you encountered the infamous Goro Akechi. Any by 'encountered,' I mean 'ended up bumping heads with.'

"Oh, my!" He exclaimed, placing a gloved hand over his forehead to soothe the pain. You mimicked the action, hissing. "I do apologize—I didn't see you."

You waved your hand dismissively. "Don't worry, 's fine. It's just a bump, plus it was mainly my fault for wandering away from my class and not paying attention."

"Well, if you insist," he chuckled. "Then I suppose you should be making it up to me?"

"..."

"I jest, I jest—!"

Crossing your arms, still attempting to ignore the stinging pain in your head, you changed the topic. "So, uh...are you here on a field trip, too?"

"Haha, no, in fact—I'm here as a guest." At your confused look, he continued. "Akechi Goro—pleased to meet you."

It clicked finally in your head. You should've realized a whole lot sooner, but in your defense, you hardly watched anything on TV, and you didn't pay attention to the gushing fangirls all over Shujin. "[L/N] [Y/N]. It's uh...nice to meet you too? Sorry for hitting you again..."

You'd admit that you were slightly concerned now that you knew who he was. After all, the boy had his own fanclub. If they knew you injured him (albeit, accidentally), you'd surely be maimed.

"It's no big deal. Like you said, it's merely a bump." He gave a reassuring nod, before his eyes widened. "Oh, I'll be late if I don't arrive in a few minutes—I apologize, but I must go now. Though, I wouldn't be opposed to continuing this conversation at a later date." He winked (not flirtatiously, but moreso charismatically), sauntering off.

You returned back to your friends, who asked you in concerned tones where you were (except Akira, who said nothing—you suspected he saw you walk off).

"Hm? Oh, nowhere really. But I did meet a celebrity, if that counts for anything."

"A celebrity? For real?!" Ryuji's loud voice parroted.

"Yeah. Akechi Goro or something—"

"The Detective Prince?" Ann questioned.

"Mhm. I bumped into him and gave him a bump on his forehead—he gave me one too, see?"

"Did he kiss it better?"

You gave the bespectacled boy a harsh glare. He merely smirked in response. "I hope you get ambushed by Shadows, Akira."

"That's not a nice way to treat your leader, y'know." If he had been texting that, you had no doubt he would've added a stupid frowny face to the end.

"I hope Arsene ravages you."

"That's kinda kink—"

"Damnit."

———–---

"Everyone, please welcome our special guest, Akechi Goro!" The students cheered, with Goro basking in the attention.

"Thank you for having me." He smiled pleasantly, and while the rest of the room gushed at the movement, you and your teammates could only recoil at its fakeness.

VERSION 2 ;

You knew Goro Akechi wasn't who he claimed to be.

In truth, he wasn't the second coming of the Detective Prince—Hell, he was hardly a detective. What detective creates the cases he solves, after all?

In the same manner, you weren't the average Shujin student who just-so-happened to be friends with the victims of the Phantom Thieves' known targets.

You were both actors, in a sense—playing the part of someone else to appease the other party. You were both lying through your teeth, claiming ignorance to the inner workings of the Phantom Thieves of Hearts. Akechi knew you were one-hundred percent involved with the Thieves of Hearts, but at the same time, you knew he knew more about the Metaverse than he let on.

You were there that day, after all—when your class took a trip to the TV station.

You had heard it—the boy had made a crucial error, an ultimate slip-up. He replied to Morgana's suggestion (he had asked if anyone wanted pancakes, or something along those lines), but of course, he had no way of hearing him speak...unless he had been to the Metaverse. He likely didn't realize his mistake at the time, but your leader (and you) sure had.

Yet, Akechi had just as damning evidence against you as you did against him.

He had seen you, right there in the middle of the group of Phantom Thieves when you joined them to venture into Okumura's palace. He'd seen, and he'd snapped a photo—which he presented to you and your friends as a means of blackmail.

"Allow me to join the Phantom Thieves for this one mission, then you must disband. Otherwise I'll leak this photo, and the world will know your identities." Is essentially what he said. Of course, there was more dramatic flair to it, more sugar-coated words, as there always was with Akechi.

Your teammates had been apprehensive (especially Ryuji, that man just never knew when to shut up), not trusting Goro for...obvious reasons. But Akechi wasn't so cruel as to force Akira to make a decision on the spot, so he gave him a set amount of time to mull over his choice with his teammates. "Really, there isn't much to discuss, but nevertheless, take your time."

Akira made his choice soon after—Akechi would join them, and then they'd disband after destroying the Palace.

It was a simple enough plan. It should've been.

But nothing was ever easy with Goro Akechi, was it?

"Ah, [Y/N]. Sorry, sorry, I mean Charlatan." He chuckled. Normally, you'd find it attractive, but in this situation, you just couldn't. He was dangerous, how could you possibly be attracted to him?

"Crow." You spat his codename out with as much distaste as you could muster up. (There was still a part of you that wanted to just...ignore the fact that he was threatening to reveal your identity as a Phantom Thief and go back to hanging out with him).

"My my, what's with the sudden hostility? We're teammates, are we not?"

[anxious-logic]

Buddy Up

my gift for @8beez for the @sanderssidesgiftxchange! this was super fun to work on, i hope you like it!!

thanks to @snowdice for being a rubber duck for me to bounce ideas off of, and @edupunkn00b for betaing!

Ships: platonic Janus/Remus/Logan, familial Remus/Roman, familial Virgil/Logan, familial Janus/Patton

Word count: 2,672

AO3 rating: G

Warnings: second-grade bullying of main characters, crying child, anxiety attack, skeletons (dinosaurs, in a science museum), brief passing mention of "insides in jars" (in a scientific/educational context)

Summary: Janus didn’t like field trips very much. Most of the other kids loved them, he knew, but when he went on them he was stuck with too many loud, excited kids who made it impossible to hear what they were supposed to be learning, and reminded him how much more interested he was in actual school and learning than everyone else. He didn’t have a lot of hope for this field trip being much more fun than what he was used to.

...But maybe that would change.

~~~

“Okay, listen up everyone!” Thomas called out. He glanced down at his clipboard, which had all of the buddy pairings listed. “We’re going to do the buddy system today, and I’m going to give everyone a buddy. Okay?”

He looked up to scan over the bus full of antsy, excited second graders, noting the especially rowdy groups and the few solitary, quiet students. He noticed Janus looking especially forlorn, and hoped that going to the museum would cheer him up. He'd been buddied with Danny, a student from Emile’s class - Thomas didn't know him, but Emile said he was outgoing and he trusted Emile's judgment. “I’m going to read off the list now, so I need everyone to pay very close attention.”

Thomas read off the list of buddy pairs, trying to do it quickly enough that the students could get in the museum but slowly enough that all of them knew who their buddy was.

“Raise your hand if you don’t know who your buddy is,” he called anxiously after going down the list. Only two of the students raised their hand in confusion, which Thomas decided to call a win. This was the first field trip of the year, and the first time Thomas had ever led a field trip, so he was feeling a little overwhelmed.

“Okay, everyone,” he said after clarifying for those two. “When you get off the bus, Mr. E is going to put this bracelet on you. Don’t take it off, okay? It’s how we know you’re ours, so we won’t lose you with another school.”

There was a general noise of agreement from the students.

“Now let’s get off the bus, find our partner, and go inside!” Thomas announced.

The bus exploded with noise and action as the students all stood up, chattering excitedly to each other. Thomas did a headcount as Emile fastened the admission bracelets, carefully cutting the excess off of the students with the smallest wrists.

“This should be a fun time, shouldn’t it?” Emile smiled at Thomas as he stood up.

“As long as nobody gets hurt or left behind, I’m going to call it a success,” Thomas laughed back.

---

Janus knew Danny didn’t like him.

Danny had other friends, ones he actually played with at recess. They played football, and kickball, and baseball, and pretend, and even though they were all in Mr. E's class they all knew to make fun of him already.

“C’mere, dumb face!”

Janus winced and looked up to where Danny was scowling at him, arms crossed.

“I’m coming,” he mumbled, slowly following Danny into the museum.

He didn’t like field trips very much. Most of the other kids loved them, he knew, but when he went on them he was stuck either with too many loud, excited kids who made it impossible to hear what they were supposed to be learning, or one kid who constantly reminded him how much everyone else didn’t like him, and how much more interested he was in actual school and learning than everyone else. He didn’t have a lot of hope for this field trip being much more fun than what he was used to.

“I’m going to the dinosaurs,” Danny announced when he saw the skeleton suspended from the ceiling. “Come with me.”

Janus closed his eyes, taking a deep breath so he wouldn’t start crying. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see the dinosaurs, because he did! It was that he wanted to look closely at the skeletons and learn everything he could, not just yell about how cool the big dinosaurs were and call the little ones lame.

He walked into the dark exhibit room, quickly trying to figure out which of the skeletons was the most interesting. He wouldn’t have much time before Danny decided he wanted to go somewhere else, so he’d have to be smart.

He moved over to where a weird, fish-looking skeleton was displayed, and began sounding out the words on the sign in front of him. He’d only gotten a few sentences in, since the name of the dinosaur was weird and long, when Danny came up to him again.

“I’m going with my friends,” he announced. “You stay here, with your weird face. I don’t wanna be stuck with you all day.”

Janus felt his eyes start to fill with tears as Danny turned back to his friends, who had tagged along near him, and walked out of the exhibit room, leaving Janus alone.

No. Danny couldn’t do that, now Janus would get in trouble because he was alone and they weren’t supposed to be alone, and he would get lost and left behind and then he’d never get back to school and he’d be here forever and ever and—

“Are you okay?”

Janus sucked in a breath as he looked up to the voice. He was sitting on the floor, he realized, and he was crying. A kid he didn’t know was standing in front of him, head tilted in curiosity. He was wearing a fancy tie, which Janus thought was a little weird to wear on a field trip but didn’t want to say out loud. Another boy, who had a gray stripe in his hair like some of Janus’s dad’s old people friends, was standing behind him. Janus would have said that out loud, except he knew not everyone could control everything about how they looked and he thought maybe it would make him feel bad so he’d keep it in his head. Both of the boys were wearing the bright green bracelets Mr. E had put on everyone’s wrists when they got off the bus, but since Janus didn’t know them, they must’ve been from Mr. E’s class.

“No,” Janus sniffled. “I- my buddy left me, cause he doesn’t like me and my face is weird and I like to read too much and-”

“It’s gonna be okay,” the second kid said stubbornly, sitting down on the floor and scooting himself closer to Janus. “I’m Remus, and this is Logan. And we can be your buddies now, because we don’t care about your face and Logan likes to read a lot too.”

Janus looked between Remus and Logan. “...Really?”

Remus nodded again, the movement so large he almost fell over. “Promise.”

“Okay,” Janus said hesitantly. “My name’s Janus.”

Logan’s face brightened. “Like the god?”

Janus’s mouth dropped open. “You know that story?” Most kids just made fun of him for having an old lady name, even though that wasn’t what his name was and it made him feel bad.

“Yes!” Logan bounced excitedly. “Janus was the god of doorways, and starting and finishings, and he had two faces and that’s cool because so do you but not really?”

His sentence ended like a question, and Janus hesitantly raised a hand to touch the vitiligo-covered side of his face. “Thanks,” he said shyly. “Most people think it’s weird.”

“Nuh-uh!” Remus jumped in. “It’s cool.”

Janus hesitantly smiled at both of them, wiping his nose and eyes and standing up. “Um— where do you guys wanna go?”

“I wanted to look here at the dinosaurs,” Remus said excitedly, jumping onto his feet too. “Because dinosaurs are related to chickens and I wanna know if I can make chickens carn-eye-voras like dinosaurs!”

“Um, carnivores,” Logan said hesitantly. “That’s an animal that only eats meat.”

“Right, that,” Remus said excitedly. “Do you wanna look around with us?”

Janus glanced back at the sign for the fish-looking dinosaur. “I, um- I kinda wanted to finish reading this?”

Remus tilted his head at the sign, then glanced at the skeleton behind it. He gasped in excitement. “Wait, dinosaurs could swim?!”

Janus nodded solemnly. “Uh-huh, this one could! It’s a spin-oh-soar-uhs, and it’s the only dinosaur that could swim.”

“Woah,” Remus whispered in amazement. He moved closer to the sign, squinting at the words written on it. “Lo-lo, can you help?”

“Mhm!” Logan stepped closer, adjusting the black glasses frames on his face. “Okay, so the—um, this dinosaur, could swim and mostly ate fish. It didn’t always live in the water, but it spent a may-jor-it-eye of time in it.”

“That’s so cool.” Remus peered at the model that was sitting behind the glass.

“…D’you wanna look at some of the others?” Janus asked hesitantly, a small smile spreading across his face.

“Yes!” Remus yelled in excitement. He tilted his head at the way Janus flinched back. “Um, should I try to keep my voice quieter? I know my brother says I can be too-much for some people and I need to work on it sometimes.”

Janus snuck a glance at Logan, who was solemnly watching Janus. He didn’t give any indication of what to do, so Janus looked back at Remus.

“Um- you don’t have to, because I know it’s hard sometimes and I don’t want to get in trouble for not having a buddy,” he mumbled.

“But do you want me to?”

“…Yes?” Janus quickly looked up at Remus, then back down at his feet.

“Okay. I’m sorry for being loud, and I will try to keep my inside voice on and my outside voice off.” Remus nodded firmly, then turned back to Logan. “What’re some of the other cool dinosaurs here?”

---

Janus wiggled excitedly in the bus seat as he saw the trees surrounding the school. He’d been talking to Remus and Logan when they first got on the bus, but then Remus fell asleep and Logan asked if he could read his book so Janus just watched out the window and thought about what he’d tell his dad when he got picked up.

“Okay, everyone,” Mr. Thomas announced as the bus slowly came to a stop in front of the school. “Grab your backpacks and anything else, check your seats to make sure you’re not forgetting anything, and let’s slowly file off the bus, okay? It’s almost 3:30, so we’ll stay out here until your parents get here.”

Janus nudged Logan. “We’re here,” he told him.

Logan looked up, surprised. “Oh, I didn’t realize we’d be here so soon.”

Janus giggled. “It’s been hours and hours and hours!”

Logan frowned a little. “I don’t think it’s been that long. We left the museum at two, and school ends at three thirty, so that’s an hour and a half at the most longest time.”

Janus tilted his head. “Oh. It felt like a long, long time.”

Logan shrugged, putting his book in his backpack and turning to Remus. “Remus? You have to wake up now,” he said, shoving him just a little.

Remus let out a dramatic snore, making Janus giggle. “I’m still asleep,” he announced.

“Sleeping people don’t talk!” Janus gently poked him in the tummy, and Remus shrieked with laughter, squirming away.

“Okay, okay, I’m awake!” Remus sat up, his hair sticking up from laying on the window. He grabbed his backpack, peeking in it to make sure he had everything.

“Ready to go?” Logan asked, looking to either side and ducking to check under the seat in front of them for anything else.

“Yep!” Remus exclaimed.

“Mhm, I’m ready,” Janus confirmed.

As they walked off the bus, Janus searched the parking lot for his dad’s car.

“I wanna have my dad meet you,” he said to Logan and Remus.

“Ooh, ooh, my older brother too!” Remus piped in.

Logan pushed his glasses higher up on his nose. “My dad too.”

“Are either of them here yet? Mine, um, I don’t see the car in the parking lot.”

“Um—” Remus craned his neck, standing on his toes. “Yes yes yes! Roman!”

Janus jumped at the sudden yell from Remus, and Logan ducked to avoid the backpack that Remus hadn’t put on his back before waving his arms excitedly.

“Hey there, Remus, how was the field trip?” A man - Roman, Janus assumed, came up to Remus, gently taking his backpack from him.

“It was so cool and I met Janus, he’s really nice!” Remus said quickly. He turned to Janus. “This is Roman and he’s the most amazingest big brother in the whole world and he plays Castle with me really good!”

Roman scooped him up. “Well, I’m glad you think so, Duke Remus.” He turned to Logan and Janus and gave a dramatic bow, making Remus shriek with laughter as he almost fell. “I am glad to meet you, Lord Janus. And it is good to see you again, Head Researcher Logan.”

Logan gave him a shy smile. “Hi.”

Janus waved a hand, not sure what more to do.

“So, what did you do at the museum?” Roman asked Remus.

“Oh oh oh! We saw the dinosaurs, and those were cool, and Logan said that maybe we could make chickens be, um, carniv-orous, but it could be hard, and then we saw the string so we could see how sound works and-”

Janus tuned Remus out as he turned back to the parking lot, watching for his dad. He perked up when he saw the dark blue car turn into the parking lot.

“My dad’s here!” he announced, looking over at the other three. “I’m gonna go get him so he can meet all of you.”

“Okay!” Remus said excitedly. “Um, can I go down please?” he asked Roman, who set him on the ground.

Janus watched his dad pull into a space, then waited until he got out of the car before waving. “Daddy! Over here!”

His dad brightened. “Hey, kiddo!” He looked both ways—just like he’d taught Janus—before crossing the parking lot to get to where Janus was standing on the sidewalk. “How was the field trip?”

“It was super fun! Not at first, because Danny left me because of my face so I didn’t have a buddy, but then I met Logan and Remus, and I want you to meet them too, and Logan really liked the insides that were in jars, even though I thought it was kinda gross, but he didn’t make me stay for super long there because he said he knows that some things make people feel icky and he didn’t make me want to feel like that, and Remus really liked the dinosaurs too and he’s kinda weird but in a really good way and—”

Janus continued chattering as he led his dad to where Remus, Roman, Logan, and another grown-up, who was wearing a black and purple jacket, were standing.

“This is Remus,” Janus said, pointing to him. “And this is Logan, and Roman who’s Remus’s big brother, and um—I don’t know him, but I think he’s Logan’s dad, and this is my dad and everyone’s really fun and awesome and they’re my friends now even though they’re in Mr. E’s class so we can’t see each other that much at school.”

Janus’s dad smiled at Logan and Remus. “Hey there, kiddos, it’s nice to meet you! I’m glad you and Janus had fun together.” He looked up at Roman and the other grown-up. “My name’s Patton, how are you?”

Janus turned to Logan. “Is this your dad?”

Logan nodded. “Mhm, he’s really smart, he makes computer software and has a super special computer for it and I wanna do that when I grow up too!”

“Um—okay,” Janus said. He didn’t really know what that meant, but if Logan said it was cool then it must be because Logan was cool too. “Um- um- I really like you guys and wanna have a play date so should we ask if we can?”

Remus gasped, his eyes going wide. “Yes yes yes!” He turned to Roman, pulling on his shirt. “Can we have a play date sometime?”

Roman looked to the other grown-ups. “Fine with me if it is with you?”

The others nodded.

“Looks like we’ll get to know each other pretty well,” Logan’s dad said as he took out his phone. “Let’s exchange numbers?”

Janus turned back to Remus and Logan, beaming.

He couldn’t wait to spend more time with his new best friends.

~~~

Please consider reblogging if you enjoyed this!

[pbandjesse]

I am very tired. So I did not get anything accomplished after work today. I don't feel that bad about it but I really hope that tomorrow I can get more done and I won't be as tired because it did not feel very good to be so exhausted.

But it was a really nice day and I got to spend time outside and that was really beautiful. And it wasn't even that I slept poorly last night I actually went to bed at a decent time and I woke up when I was supposed to but I just felt so exhausted. I got dressed and I didn't like my outfit so I changed and I was still pretty uncomfortable. My hair felt really dry. It still feels dry honestly. And driving to work was really tough. James had packed me a sandwich so I ate that while I was driving and tried to just keep it together.

I got to camp around 8:00 and drove to all my different sites to make sure that everything was where we're supposed to be. And then I started waiting for parents to arrive. They were supposed to be there between 8:30 and 9:30. But there was some typo or miscommunication and by 9:00 I had one adult and it was just a chaperone and not one of my parent volunteers. I was very stressed out.

The school came at 9:45 when they were supposed to but so did most of the chaperones. And it was just really stressful. Thankfully Elizabeth it wasn't teaching in the first rotation for the other schools field trip so she was able to come over and help me get them oriented and then for the first rotation I did a little intro for painting and for tools. Just to help them out because both of those volunteers were very stressed.

But after that my stress really went away. The kids were super sweet and they seem like they were having a super fun time. I had to run around kind of like a crazy person making sure that everything was settled. Because somebody ran out of material and there was some confusion but everything works great. And I ended up just having some really nice conversations with some of the teachers and parents and it was a really nice day.

After the second program I was able to sit down for a little while and work on some knitting that I had that I wanted to finish. I have decided that I am not tracking the rain anymore this year. Jess also stopped her tracking blanket because the yarn I used is just way too hard to work with. So I have a few months done and I still think it's a really cool piece even if it's not the full year.

I'll still find something to do with the yarn. Just using it on the loom it was too fragile. Maybe I'll try actually crocheting it and see what happens.

I let the groups know when to leave for lunch and everyone got over there really fast I was surprised. And then I ate my lunch in the kitchen while I watched everyone and some of the kids ran outside. One little girl wanted me to be her best friend. She had blue hair and I have blue green hair so she kept trying to involve me in their games. She invited me to come play tag which was very cute but I told her I do not run. And she said oh you don't have to run! But I did not want to play. It was very cute that she invited me though.

After lunch they had two more rotations and everything seemed to go great. I ended up sitting and talking to the parent who was leading signs and symbols and she's a teacher and a deaf educator. So we had this lovely conversation about the ways I want to scaffold the program and talk about Native American sign language and the updates I want to make and she really thought that some of them were excellent ideas. Which made me feel very positive.

Which then led me to find the time to sit and finally do talk to text to write down all of my ideas for the programs and the way I want to change them. I want to make something a little bit more formal and more like a PowerPoint with examples or at least a document with examples but at least now I have all of the ideas out and I can edit them. I also sat down and figured out a modified schedule where instead of having five groups doing five rotations we have four groups with four rotations and the first rotation I am leading a brush making program for the entirety of the group because then if the group is very late we can cut that one without there being any issue. And I think while it would make the groups larger it would solve a lot of our problems for the way that the schools come in. And it would take away a lot of my stress because it would give us more time to get everyone else set up if needed.

It also would give them just a cool take-home and since we would all be doing it as a group first it could then be used at the other sites specifically when they're using natural pigments. And I just think that that would be a really cool piece to include.

After the last program everyone came back to the lodge and I asked the kids a few questions and they did pretty good. And then because I knew they had to get right on the bus I wasn't going to do my whole spiel so I instead asked if they could all take their chairs outside to help me stack them. And you should have seen some of the parents faces. They were very expressive and very panicked. But the kids were so excited to help and the chairs are aluminum so it was not a big deal it just sounds really loud. And so they carried all 75 chairs outside and got them stacked up and then I didn't have to worry about it. Because that is my least favorite part because while the chairs are not heavy they don't stack super well to be carried. Specifically by one person. And I wanted to be done as fast as possible.

I waved everyone off and told them all goodbye and thank you so much for coming and then the bus was gone. I worked on packing up my car with all the stuff from the hacienda and then Bonnie was there to start cleaning.

I asked if she wanted me to fold the tables away too so I stayed with her for a bit All we did that and just talked to her. She's a really nice lady. She didn't have her dog with her today though which I was a little disappointed about. I love buddy but it's fine I understand.

Then I was off to the art building to drop everything off. And then continued on to get everything else from the woodlands village. I do not like driving on that really thick gravel that's over there. I am convinced it's going to pop my tires somehow but all the construction vehicles go back there and it seems fine. Although I do keep finding big old nails on the ground by the hacienda and picking those up. Thankfully no one has gotten any flat tires yet but it is a concern.

It took me a little while to get everything in the car and then I brought everything back up to the art building and packed it away. And made sure all the walkies were plugged in and ready. I do seem to be missing one walkie. I really hope a parent did not take it home with them but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

And then I went down to the office and checked in with Elizabeth and she said that if I was done to go over the lodge to help put chairs away with everyone else.

But when I got there no one else was there. Well someone was there. His name is Jeff and he works with Bonnie. He has a prosthetic leg and I desperately wanted to ask him about it. And he did give me an opportunity to and so I got to tell him about my dad and he told me that friend of his got a prosthetic when he was 16 and then when he was 70 the socket came off and he fell down and broke his hip! So he told me to warn my dad about that. Make sure that the fit is correct so that you don't fall down. He was a really nice guy.

And then everyone else was there and we got all the chairs away very quickly. We took the trash out and I get very frustrated at camp when communication isn't clear. I just wanted to know if I could go home. I am absolutely willing to stay as late as you need as long as I have something to do. But this amorphous like sitting around waiting for instructions drives me crazy. And I want to leave immediately if you have nothing for me to do I don't want to sit around I have a long drive home. it makes me very annoyed. And it has the entire time I've worked there. It's why the end of the day always stress me out so bad because I didn't know when I was allowed to leave because it was never clear about when my work was done. So I asked Heather and she said that I could leave and then they Dachelle said I can leave but I wanted to wait till Elizabeth said that everything was done. So I kept popping back into the office and going to my car and then coming back up but eventually everyone was like go Jesse get out of here. So I did.

I was going to stop at the store because I need new eyeliner but I got so tired again all of a sudden. I'm fine when I'm moving but as soon as I stop my brain is just like time to sleep. But I had a half an hour drive home so I kept it together best I could. Sang along to music. And let James know.

When I got home I parked and I brought my stuff inside. Sweetp seemed very excited to see me. I would take a shower and put on my flannel and get in bed.

And once James let me know that they were at the grocery store I fell asleep. And I slept until around 5:30. When wind blew against the back door and made a banging sound and startled to me. And I was a little disoriented but it was a good nap and eventually I would wake up enough. James made me a falafel salad which was really good but would have improved with bread. And I was in a little bit of a weird mood for a while but eventually the food made me feel better and I wasn't being as much of a birch to James.

Me and James just spent the rest of the night on the couch together. They are playing the new Zelda game and I'm just watching tik toks and crying about people winning music competitions. And laughing entirely too hard at comedy videos. Stand up. I used to love stand up so much and I don't really watch long form stand up anymore but I love seeing clips of it on TikTok.

Now I want to do my lotions to my face and pick an outfit for tomorrow because I don't think I like the one that I had planned. And then I went to go to sleep. Because hopefully I will feel more like a person tomorrow. I'm at the museum and I'm really looking forward to it and I hope that the school is really good and that whatever I'm doing is excellent. I don't remember what I'm doing tomorrow but that's fine. And then maybe tomorrow I will actually get my market stuff ready for Saturday. Fingers crossed.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. And take care of each other. Good night everybody. Until next time!

[agent-whiskeys-sweetheart]

Meant To Be (iv)

Pairing: Hotch x F!Reader

Summary: Once the team is back you all go out for drinks and your connection to Rossi becomes increasingly evident. The following day at work you get your first chance to work in the field.  

Warnings: None! Just the slow burn as usual. 

Word Count: 5,751

A/N: As always, thank you all so much for your continued support! It means so much to me! I just wanted to warn you guys that I may not be able to update as often as I would like for a while. School just started for me and my schedule doesn’t really allow for “free time” at the moment. Just know that I am working as quick as I can and I always look forward to sharing more with all of you. Thank you for your patience. I love you all so much!

Today goes by much more quickly than the last few weeks. Garcia helped to make the time pass a little faster but most days you were hanging on by a thread. Now that the whole team is back you feel more hopeful about your future amongst them. As the others do their required reports you make your way down to Garcia’s office. There is a bit of paperwork for the two of you to complete as well but it’s much different and a lot shorter than the rest of the team’s. At this point, you are able to walk into her office without even knocking. 

“Hey cupcake! Ready to finish things up?” 

“You know it.” Pulling your chair around you saddle up beside her. The paperwork is already laid out in front of her and she pushes a few sheets over to you. Thumbing through the few pages that there are you ask her for something to write with. What she gives to you is a small boring ballpoint pen. With a pang of betrayal in your eyes you look at her. “So what, I’m not good enough for the fun pens now?”

“Oh I’m sorry your highness. I thought you’d want a professional pen for your first round of professional paperwork.” Taking it out of your hand, she reaches over and retrieves a new pen that is a bright sparkling pink with a tuft of brightly colored fluff on the end. 

“Thank you. Much better.” She laughs, nudging your knee with her own. The two of you set about filling out the reports. Every so often you ask her a question which she happily answers before going about finishing up her own. It only takes you both about fifteen minutes, leaving you time to talk before the rest of the team gets done. 

“Did you get a chance to talk to Morgan?” Hearing her mention him for about the ten thousandth time makes you roll your eyes.

“Yes, I did. You know what, he didn’t mention you at all.” 

“I wish I believed you but we both know that man is obsessed with me. What did you guys talk about?” 

“Oh, so we’re feeling especially nosy today, aren’t we?” 

“Always my sweet.” You love the ever adorable smile on her face.

“He was just telling me that he was impressed with my work on the case. He also told me that everyone is going out for drinks tonight and he invited me to come along.” 

“Are you gonna go?” She asks even though she knows the answer.

“Yeah, of course. This is my first real chance to get to know the rest of the team. I mean, I already know Morgan pretty well I feel like but everyone else is basically a stranger to me.” 

“I know. It’s gonna be a lot of fun. And of course I’m going with you.” 

“I would expect nothing less from you my dear.” She gives another big toothy grin, causing you to smile as well. Looking back at the clock you stack up your papers and grab Garcia’s as well, heading toward the door. “I’m gonna go hand these in to Hotch.” 

“Oh, okay. Thank you!” She says, watching the expression on your face change at the mention of your boss. “Are you still mad at him?” 

“No, I was never mad at him. Was I frustrated with his decision? Of course but I don’t dislike him for it. He was doing what he thought was right. Besides, he already apologized to me.” 

“Hotch apologized to you? For a decision that HE made?” 

“Yeah.” Garcia pulls your chair back around and points to it.

“Okay you can’t tell me that and just leave. I need details.” Laughing you go back over and sit, putting the papers back on the desk. 

“There’s not much to tell. Before he left he said he wanted to talk to me so he could ‘evaluate my abilities’. He called me in just a little bit ago. It went pretty well I think. He apologized for being harsh and said that on the next case he wanted me in the field. He also apologized for not remembering me when we met. So, yeah. We’re all good.” 

“Okay, so why did you make a face?”

“What face?” 

“Oh come on, you totally know you made a face. When you said you were gonna go to Hotch’s office you made ... a face.” 

“Okay, well I didn’t do it on purpose.” 

“Even so, it happened so what’s the deal?” 

“It’s nothing. I don’t know.” Hearing your awful dismissal, her nose scrunches up as she watches you with narrowed eyes. 

“Yeah, something is definitely going on with you. I’m all ears my love. You know that you can tell me anything, right?” The genuine expression on her face tempts you to tell her every thought that’s gone through head from the very first moment you met Hotch. However, you are having enough trouble understanding your own feelings. There is no point in sharing them right now.

“Yeah, I know. It is truly nothing. I’m just nervous that he might change his mind about me working the next case, that’s all.” This answer seems to satisfy her as she pats your knee.

“Trust me, he won’t. You are an amazing agent and you are going to do great out there. And if he doesn’t like it he can just--” 

“I can just what Garcia?” The sound of Hotch’s deep voice makes both of you jump as you look behind you where he is looming in the doorway. His presence is entirely commanding, the power that he exudes seeming very evident to you now. Garcia clears her throat as she looks between the two of you, adjusting her glasses. 

“I was saying that you can just make an informed and valid evaluation and we will be entirely respectful of whatever you decide.”

“Right,” He says with a ghost of a smile, walking a little further into the office. “I came down to see if you had any questions about the paperwork. I know this is your first report, I didn’t want you to get lost.” This he says to you as he makes his way closer. 

“It was actually pretty straightforward. I have it done if you’d like to take a look at it though.” Reaching behind yourself, you grab the report and hand it to him. With a nod he begins to scan through the pages, flipping through them fairly quickly. 

“Exemplary. I’ll just take this up to my office. Garcia?” Without needing any further instruction, she grabs her own report and hands it to him. Just like that he’s gone again, leaving Garcia stunned.

“Wow. He must be in a really good mood.” She adds. 

“What do you mean? I mean, how do you know?” 

“Hotch doesn’t do that kind of stuff. If you had a question he would have expected you to take the initiative to ask. He normally wouldn’t have even considered making the trip so something must be different. That was ... just not in his nature.” Pondering the implications of her statement you settle for a small shrug. 

“I guess he was just being nice. No need to wonder why he did it.” 

“Yeah, I guess not. Well that takes care of that. I honestly don’t have anything else for you to do right now. You could probably go ahead and ask Hotch if you can leave for the day.” 

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that. I wouldn’t mind a shower before we all meet up later.” With that you stretch and make your way towards the door.

“Have a good afternoon my dear. I look forward to seeing you later.” 

“Thanks Pen. I’ll see you later.” Once she waves goodbye you leave her office, cracking the door behind you. Stepping into the elevator, you slink against the  wall. Even though there’s nothing for you to do, the idea of asking to leave this early in the day makes you uneasy. 

Once you’re back on the main floor you make a beeline for Morgan’s desk. The sight of you in his peripheral causes him to look up. 

“Don’t you ever hang out at your own desk?” 

“You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if I didn’t come bug you every five minutes.” This makes him laugh as he sets down his pen.

“We’ll never know until you try,” Faking offense, you cross your arms. “I’m just teasing you kid. What’s up?”

“Well me and Garcia finished our paperwork and she doesn’t need help with anything for the rest of the day so I was gonna go ask Hotch if I could leave early. If he says yes I’ll need to know the name of the place we’re going tonight so I can meet you there.” 

“Good luck getting Hotch to agree to that but on the off chance that he does, I can write down the address for you.” 

“Sounds good. Better start writing then bud.” Glancing back over your shoulder teasingly you walk up to Hotch’s office, knocking sharply. Hearing him beckon you inside, you step through the door. 

“I wanted to let you know that I talked with Garcia and she doesn’t have anything for me to do right now. Nobody else needs help either so I was wondering if there was anything you needed from me.” 

“I don’t believe so. Usually today would mainly be spent doing paperwork but since you have less than the others if you’re finished I would be alright letting you leave early.” Hiding a smile, you nod.

“Thank you sir. I suppose I’ll see you tomorrow then.” You go to leave but he stops you before you can get out the door.

“L/N,” When you turn to look at him you see that same softness in his eyes as you did during your earlier conversation. “I was curious ... are you doing anything tonight? Anything recreational, I mean. An important thing to try and do is find time for yourself. This job is incredibly stressful and can take a lot out of you. It would be good for you to find some time each week to do something ... fun.” 

This seems like a very light-hearted thing to be coming out of his mouth. He carries himself very professionally. There hasn’t been a moment so far when you’ve seen him unwind so hearing him talk about having fun each week seems a bit odd. However you take the advice to heart. Anything he has to offer you want to remember. “I actually am sir. I was going out to have a drink with the rest of the team.” As you say this you suddenly realize that he may not have already been invited. Feeling guilty you offer a smile. “Did you plan on coming as well?” By the look on his face you can tell that he is unaware of the event however he doesn’t seem upset. 

“No but thank you for asking. I need to go home and get some rest.” 

“Of course. That’s a very smart decision. If you ever want to though ... go out for a drink with us, I mean. You’re always more than welcome in my book.” The genuine kindness in your eyes when you look at him causes Aaron’s heart to clench and for some reason, this time he doesn’t try to stop it. God, how can one person be so good?

“I appreciate the gesture. I��ll keep that in mind next time,” The two of you stare deeply into one another and for a moment, just one brief fleeting moment, you are just a man and a woman filled with yearning. It passes quickly and you convince yourself that it didn’t even happen. “Go, enjoy your free afternoon and have fun this evening. It’s important for you to bond with your team members.” 

“Thank you sir.” As you’re about to leave he stops you one last time.

“One more thing,” There is a second of hesitation. “You don’t have to call me sir all the time. A bit of formality when we’re on the job is appropriate but you can just call me Hotch. Everyone does.” 

“Got it. In that case I hope you have a good evening Hotch.” When you step out of his office you can feel your heart beating rapidly. Every time you start to get your feelings in check he looks at you like that and you melt at his feet. It’s nothing but a stupid crush though. You’ll get over it. It’s not like he has feelings for you anyway so there’s no point in entertaining a fantasy. As lovely a fantasy as it is.

“Hey, Y/N,” Emily stops you as you make your way towards Morgan’s desk. “I wanted to tell you, really great job on this case. The work you did was great. You should feel very proud of yourself.” 

“Oh, thank you. I appreciate that.” You nod in gratitude.

“Of course. I’m excited to see what you can do in the field. If you’re that good in an office you’re gonna be a force out in the world.” 

“I’m excited too. Hopefully I don’t disappoint any of you.” 

“You won’t. We’re all on your side here. No matter what happens, we all just want to help you be successful. I promise.” 

“That ... makes me feel a lot better actually. Thanks.” She gives you a kind smile, pushing back away from her desk to face you.

“Absolutely. Hey, are you coming out with us tonight?” 

“Yeah, Morgan invited me earlier. I was actually about to go get the address from him since I’m headed out for the day.” She doesn’t say anything for a moment, frozen as if she’s buffering.

“Hotch is letting you leave early?” 

“Yeah. I finished all my work with Garcia so he’s letting me go.” 

“Well, whatever you did to get on his good side, keep it up.” She jokes, turning back to her own paperwork. The continued mention of Hotch’s graciousness with you threatens to go to your head but you fight to keep your daydreaming in check. 

“When I figure out what the secret is I’ll let you know.” You kid back before leaving her to continue her work. Morgan seems to be almost finished when you make your way back over to him. Upon seeing you hovering he stops briefly to look up at you. The look on your face tells him everything he needs to know and he lets out a chuckle. 

“No way. He’s really letting you leave?” Giving him nothing more than a nod you shift your weight as you watch him grab a piece of paper and write down the address. “I guess you earned this fair and square then. We’ll all meet up at eight. Sound okay?” 

“For sure. See you then.” With a smile you stroll out the main doors. 

++++++++++

As soon as you step in the door you drop your things to the floor and flop onto the couch. It has been a very short day and yet you feel a strange weight on your shoulders. Hearing everyone’s disbelief at the idea of Hotch being so relaxed with you had sent your mind spiraling with thoughts. Even though you know it was nothing it is hard not to entertain the ideas that come to your head. With a frustrated sigh you push yourself up and head for the bathroom. 

Once you step inside your small shower the pressure of the warm water on your back immediately makes you slump over with relief. The strange sense of tension in your body melts away with each droplet as they disappear down the drain. Reveling in the feeling, you take a bit longer than normal to enjoy the time to yourself. After being clean you feel that you can no longer justify lingering in the water so you turn the knob and step out to dry off. The soft material of the towel elevates the feeling of relaxation in your body. 

Throwing a robe on you make your way to the bedroom, flinging yourself onto the bed with your phone in hand. Suddenly feeling very mischievous you take an adorably flirtatious picture of yourself in your robe, well cleaned and blissful, which you send to Garcia. 

Having fun all alone at work Pen?

I think that I hate you.

The response makes you giggle as you head out to the kitchen to grab a snack. There is a chocolate bar on the top shelf that you’ve forgotten about which you happily grab before plopping down on the couch. Turning the tv on to your favorite station you sit there, impatiently waiting for eight. The day feels impossibly long but once you see that it’s seven you decide to get dressed. 

After several minutes of trying to figure out what to wear you decide to keep things casual. You’re not at work tonight. It’s just you and the team spending time together as friends, not agents. The thought alone makes you smile. After a bit longer you figure it’s a good time to head out and make your way to your car. Typing the address into your GPS you pull out and make the drive to the bar Morgan told you to meet at. It is surprisingly close to your apartment complex. When you step inside the building it seems to be fairly empty. There is no sign of the others yet so you make your way over to a table to wait. Cursing your preparedness you fidget with your shirt until you hear the doors open, announcing the arrival of the others.

“Hey, sweetheart!” Morgan immediately calls out upon seeing you. With a smile you stand to meet him as he wraps you up in a hug. 

“Hey! Nice of you to show up.” You add jokingly, turning your attention quickly to the others. Emily steps forward next and also gives you a hug. JJ follows with a sweet smile. Spencer offers a handshake, as has become the custom between the two of you. Garcia pushes her way to the front and nearly suffocates you before letting you go with a laugh. At the back of the group is Rossi. His presence is mildly surprising to you but you offer him a small smile. Seeing him brings to mind the recent conversation you have had with your sister but you push those thoughts aside. Rather than embracing you he places a gentle hand on your arm. 

“It’s nice to see you again.” He adds, trying to alleviate the tension.

“Yeah, likewise. I know we haven’t really had a chance to talk to one another yet. Hopefully we can clear that up tonight!” 

“Sounds nice.” With a nod, you turn back towards the others. They all take up residence at the table you had already picked out. Squeezing in between Garcia and Morgan, you can’t help but smile shyly at the people around you. They immediately strike up conversation, talking like the oldest of friends. Just being amongst them means so much to you. Hearing your name you are drawn back out of your thoughts. 

“Sorry what?” There is a uniform chuckle from the group. 

“I asked if you wanted something to drink?” Emily speaks up.

“Oh yeah. Sorry.” She starts standing but Rossi stops her. 

“Actually, let me get this one,” The action causes you to look between the two, a strange feeling in your chest. “What’re you having?” After telling him your drink order he disappears with a nod. The others continue the conversation as though nothing has happened and you quickly rejoin them. When Rossi comes back over he hands your drink to you first and then passes drinks around to the others. 

As the night goes on you share moments with everyone, getting to know them better and allowing them to know you. Emily and you discuss the stresses of being a woman in this field and she gives you several pieces of advice to stay afloat, which you always appreciate. Spencer recommends some pieces of literature to you which you take mental note of. JJ and you get into a conversation about your sisters, confiding in one another as you share stories. Morgan makes light hearted jokes with you as you talk about some of your favorite movies together. Garcia doesn’t do much talking but she does pull you away from the table to dance when one of her favorite songs comes on. Rossi doesn’t talk much either, instead choosing to sit back and watch with a look that seems to be fatherly pride. 

After a while of dancing with Morgan and Garcia you decide to go sit back down, a wide smile on your face. At the table Emily, JJ, and Spencer seem to be in a heated discussion about chess. Deciding to leave them alone you instead make your way to sit down next to Rossi. As you do so he smiles at you warmly. 

“Having fun?” He inquires, glancing at you briefly.

“Yeah. I really am. It’s really nice getting to spend time with all of you like this. I feel like I’ve been waiting all my life to be part of a family like this and now that I am it’s like I just can’t get enough.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I’ve heard some people say we can’t choose our families but nights like this just go to show how wrong that is.” 

“Yeah, exactly.” With that, the two of you sit in content silence. The quietness between the two of you leaves time to think. Your sister’s words continue to ring in your head as you wrack ever corner of your memory for how you might possibly know the man sitting next to you. With a sigh of frustration you come up completely blank. As you ponder this you also begin to wonder if he might be having the same thoughts and decide there’s no way to find out without asking. 

“So, I hope this doesn’t sound too weird but I’ve been thinking about this since we first met. I just have the strange feeling that you and I know each other somehow but I just can’t recall where from.” It all comes out at once as you shift in your seat to look at Rossi. When you say this he allows himself a moment to think before responding. 

“That’s not weird at all. I’ve been thinking the same thing. There is something about you that is so familiar but I just can’t quite remember how I know you.” Hearing him say this helps to validate your confusion and you offer him a kind smile. 

“Well, I guess we know each other now. That’s what’s important, right?” In his eyes there is that same sense of fatherly joy and it causes a pang of sadness to creep into your chest for a moment. Quickly deciding that it’s better to just enjoy it rather than dwell in the past, you nod slowly. “Thanks for the drink.” 

“Anytime kiddo. I’m glad we do know each other now.” 

With that you mutually decide the conversation is over and you stand with a stretch. Morgan and Garcia seem to be the drunkest of anyone at this point and you laugh as you watch them stumble all over each other as they “dance”. Emily, JJ, and Spencer still seem to be deep in conversation. Looking at the time you decide that it’s probably best for you to turn in for the night. “Hey guys.” You raise your voice slightly so they can all hear you as you make your way over to them.

“I think I should probably head home.” They collectively whine for a minute which causes you to laugh. “It’s okay, I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” Seeming satisfied with this answer they all get up to hug you as you thank them for a fun evening and head outside. Rossi sticks to your side and walks out the front doors with you.

“Would it be okay if I drove you home? I feel wrong about sending you home alone after you’ve been drinking.” 

“Yeah, that would be okay. I actually only live a few minutes from here anyway.” With a nod he heads back towards the bar. As you make your way over to your car you can here him call inside to the others.

“Don’t any of you even think about setting foot inside a car yet. I’ll be back in a few minutes to drive you home.” With a chuckle you unlock the door and step inside. He slips into the driver’s seat and you give him directions back to your apartment. The drive is silent and quick. When you arrive you thank him as you both step out.  

“Wait, how are you gonna get back?” You say, realizing that you’ve stranded him at your apartment complex since he took your car. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be alright. You get inside and get some rest.” With another expression of gratitude you head upstairs and make your way into your apartment. Stripping as you make your way to the bedroom you flop down on the bed, unable to keep your eyes open. 

++++++++++

This morning you are awake bright and early, surprisingly ready to start your day. By this point you’ve begun to get into a routine before you head out for work. Your clothes are always laid out on the chair and your work materials are on the kitchen table. You make a quick breakfast then give your sister a quick good morning phone call before heading out the door and showing up to work promptly at five.

When you step inside the building this morning you are one of the first people there. Setting your things down at your desk you head over to the coffee machine, deciding an extra little boost might not be so bad. After setting it up you wait patiently for it to brew. A few minutes later you are very aware of a presence next to you. When you look back over your shoulder you are greeted by Hotch, seemingly very awake and as professional as ever. 

“Good morning, Y/N.” The sound of your first name on his tongue doesn’t escape your attention as you take a small breath. 

“Morning Hotch,” Hearing yourself say his name is equally as pleasant to you as you revel in the blooming bond between you. 

“How was your evening?” Thinking back to the night you shared with your other team members you can’t help but smile. 

“It was really wonderful. I had a great time. It was nice getting a chance to learn more about everyone. It really makes me feel connected ... like I’m truly a part of the team. You know?”

“I do. I’m very happy to hear that you had a good time.” With a nod, you look back down for a moment as you think of what to say.

“How did you sleep last night? I hope you were able to rest.” 

“I slept well, thank you. I spent the evening with my son, Jack.” Hearing this takes you aback. The fact that he has a son is news to you. It’s not bad news, just a bit surprising. However, the more you think about it the more fitting it seems that he would have a kid. 

“That sounds lovely. I didn’t know you had a son.” 

“Yes, he’s two now. The nights I get to spend with him are always some of the best.” The thought of Hotchner taking care of a young baby sends a warm feeling spiraling through your chest.   

“I can imagine,” You say, unable to hold back a small smile. “I don’t have any children but if I did ... god, they’d be my world.” 

As much as you try not to think about it, for the briefest moment an image of you and Aaron laying in bed with a few babies of your own flashes in your mind. Scolding yourself harshly you erase the image and turn back towards the coffee machine. You look away just in time to miss the same dreamy look cross over Aaron’s face as the exact same vision passes through his own thoughts. It’s these moments of silence between the two of you that dare you to dream. It isn’t awkward. It has all the familiarity and comfort of a silence shared between two people that have known each other all their lives. 

“That’s exactly how it feels. He means everything to me. He is the biggest thing that makes this job worthwhile. I want him to look back on his life when he’s older and be proud of the man his dad was.” 

“Jack will always be proud of who his dad is. That’s a feeling that doesn’t fade over time. At least, not when you know he loves you. And when you know you love him. I’ve never--” There is a brief moment of hesitation as you wonder whether or not you should continue your train of thought. “I’ve always been proud of who my dad was. I always will be, no matter how much time passes. It’s one of the biggest things I remember about him. How much I loved him. That’s a hard feeling to forget. Jack won’t forget either.”

In this moment, Aaron Hotchner has never wanted to embrace someone so badly. Every fiber of his being is itching to reach out and touch you, to pull you close, kiss the top of your head, tell you that everything will be alright, tell you how sorry he is that you lost your dad, thank you for comforting him, caress your face, tenderly press his lips to yours, and just hold you. But he can’t. So he doesn’t. 

“Thank you. That’s nice to hear.” Is all he can muster before he falls silent again. Content with this, you stay silent as well as you both simply enjoy each other’s company. A few minutes later the coffee is finished brewing and you pull the pot out to pour some for yourself and Hotch. With a nod of gratitude he makes his way back up to his office, leaving you there alone but strangely full and warm. 

Needing a distraction you head back to your desk and begin pulling paperwork out of some nearby drawers to begin filing. You keep yourself occupied like this for a few more minutes before the other agents begin entering the bullpen. Morgan ruffles your hair as he passes by you causing you to punch him. The others come in, talking amongst themselves and greeting you warmly as they pass by. You quickly join in on the conversation as you all begin your work. 

Pretty soon JJ disappears to her own office and Garcia disappears to hers, leaving you, Morgan, Emily, and Spencer to do your own paperwork. Things remain uneventful as you look over your materials, stopping every now and again to ask Morgan a question. As you do your work you can’t help but glance up towards Hotch’s office every once in awhile. Your interaction with him had been very strangely intimate and you almost wanted to speak with him more about it but you knew that both of you had things to do. And even if you didn’t it was in the past and didn’t need to be dredged up again. It’s better this way. Around lunchtime you head down to Garcia’s office, joining her for some light hearted conversation. She has also packed you some snacks she knows you love and the gesture warms your heart. It is a very pleasant afternoon, feeling reminiscent of the time you spent shut up in her office on this last case.

After a while you decide to head back up to your desk to continue your work. The day is passing fairly slowly until JJ suddenly draws your attention and calls you into the conference room. There is a new case that you all need to be prepped for. Now everything around you is passing at lightning speed. Preparing your things you head up to the conference room with the others, buzzing with excitement. When you step inside you realize you’ve never been in this room before. In an instant you are flooded with the gravity of what you’re doing. This is the culmination of years and years worth of hard work and you are finally being presented the chance to do what you’ve always wanted to do. It is both liberating and completely terrifying.

JJ begins her debriefing very succinctly, telling you all the facts of the case. You listen intently, absorbing every single piece of information she gives to you. The others pitch in when the moment is right but you remain silent as you simply take in what everyone is saying. Several gruesome images are pulled up on the screen in front of you and for the first time since you’ve stepped foot in this building your stomach turns. Six homeless people have been murdered in the Phoenix area. Their bodies have all been left in widely public places with various messages written on their skin with blood. All the messages are different but point to someone with a serious hatred for big corporations. They have all been left in different parts of Phoenix, leaving a wide geographical profile which will pose a challenge. Once the debriefing is finished Hotch is the first to speak. 

“You all know the drill. Wheels up in thirty.” Everyone nods and begins heading for their desks. You follow closely, pulling your go bag out of your bottom desk drawer. Checking inside to make sure you have everything you need, you gather the rest of your things and head towards the doors. As you stand at the threshold you feel a hand on your shoulder. Once again you are met with Hotch’s intense gaze though his expression seems strangely soft.

“Y/N, I want to make sure you feel ready to get into the field. I know this will be your first case with the rest of the team and I want you to be prepared. This won’t be pretty and it will take a lot out of you.” 

“I’m ready, Hotch. I was ready the moment I walked through these doors.” Keeping his eyes locked on yours he responds with a nod before walking away. You head in the direction of the jet, steadying yourself. This is your big moment to prove yourself. To Hotch, to the team, and to yourself. You are ready. You’ve been ready for a long time now and nothing is going to stop you from getting out there and putting whoever is doing this away. Determination fills you with every step you take. No matter what happens, you will not fail. 

Tags:  @talesfromtheguild @lannister-slings-and-arrows @gryffindorwriter @nopeforyou @sheerfreesia007 @roxypeanut  @ohpedromypedro @ssahotchie @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @readsalot73 @the-mechanical-angel @races-erster @maxlordd @pascalisthepunkest @paintballkid711 @hotchafterhours @h0tchner @ssahotchswife @ssahotchhner @technotic-prophecy @klinenovakwinchester  @hotch-stufff @annadorothxa @canadailluminate @yoshigguk @gothicxbarbie @romanogersendgame @little-diable​ 

[kimmyyang]

210408 Zhang Zhehan's interview with Elle Magazine

"I want to be like Ah-Xu, be a gentle yet strong person."

On the day of the photoshoot, it was a rare windy day in Bei Hai. The weather forecast reported it will rain, which made everyone slightly heart-stricken. "Can we still take photos by the seaside?", "how about changing the location?", we were worrying, but fortunately it didn’t rain, only left with steer drop in temperature and roaring wind.

On the way to the photoshoot location, Zhang Zhehan recorded the sound of wind outside of the window. To be able to use the last bit of daylight before the sun sets completely, after filming, he only had one hour and a bit to go back to the hotel, have dinner, change clothes, and get his makeup done. And now, when we have done everything, he uses the time in the car to chat with the long-waited fans in the drama interactive zone.

Busy is an expected state. But when we saw him at the location, you can’t tell any trace of being busy from his face. The strong wind blew the gravels on the beach in the sky. During the interval of the photoshoot, everyone couldn’t help but complained about the cold wind and getting sand all over their faces. Only Zhang Zhehan looked more relaxed as if he came back from a different beach as us.

When we moved to the coffee shop, we finally had time to sit down and talk. He asked the staff to give him a cushion for his back, at that moment, it was probably the first time that made us realize that he is actually very tired. "It’s tough and tiring to be an actor, right?" we haven’t even finished the sentence, and he disagreed, "it’s all the same, every job is tough and tiring."

It seems that he has a big heart.

He chose to ride to Tibet with his friend for his graduation trip. Like his mum said he always has the spirit of seeking out suffering. Speaking of this journey, he said: "we’re living too happily, most families don’t have to worry about clothes and food, don’t need to go through a lot of hardships. I like what Huang Lei teacher once said, ‘people will only have faith after suffering, people will understand kindness after suffering.’ I think after seeing the suffering in the world and feel the suffering yourself - you will be kind to others."

After hearing what he said, you will realize that ‘big heart’ could have been a misunderstanding. He can’t dilute ‘sufferings’ more than others, instead, in the moments of ‘seeking out sufferings’, his feeling towards ‘sufferings’ is stronger and more abundant compared to most people.

He has a very meticulous side, he feels, understands, and hides his ‘sufferings’. Then, those experiences and feelings related to sufferings become something that is hard for others to spot on him.

He said, "when we’re going through a hardship, we can only see the hardship itself, you don’t realize that it’s actually reminding you something and teaching you something else." This is also his understanding of being mature – you can see the many sides of one thing.

‘Bruce Almighty’， ‘The Pursuit of Happyness’， ‘The Bucket List’ are his favorite movies. He said, "there’s a line from Bruce Almighty that left a deep impression – do you really hope God will give you happiness? Maybe everyone’s interpretation of happiness is different, but in the movie, the protagonist only realized it at the end, God was giving him happiness, but not the so-called happiness, God taught him the ability to gain happiness." He pressed his thumb again his chin, slightly looking down, earnestly sharing his impression of the movie.

He added, "you’re actually changing your perspective of the problem." Like what he wrote before, "being mature is being able to see the things that you couldn’t see before."

Maybe if the settling time is long enough, you will be able to stay calm in the change of tides and guard yourself in the quicksand under your feet. Speaking of popularity, he was calmer than we expected.

He said, "popularity is very important for an actor. I think it’s complementary, when you’re popular, you will receive more attention. You will be able to carry some things on your shoulders, first, it can prove that you have the ability, second, it can prove you’re acknowledged by the market."

He continued, "as actors, we also need to be acknowledged by the market. I have seen some amazing actors, they put so much effort into every character but maybe haven’t been acknowledged by the market yet, so they remain unknown. Therefore, a lot of great characters won’t fall into their hands.” It sounds cruel but it’s an undeniable fact. He added, “if you’re not popular, good scripts won’t even land in your hands."

The success of ‘Word of Honor’, to Zhang Zhehan, is like winning the lottery.

He said, "the success of a drama depends on timing, geographical and social conditions, none of these is dispensable. There are hundreds and thousands of dramas filmed each year, but in the end, there will only be one or two that everyone would love. That kind of feels like winning the lottery."

Working hard is very common, it’s nothing special, he thinks it’s unreasonable if you just use ‘working hard’ and ask why you are ‘under appreciated’. Just like how everyone praises him for being an experiential actor and praises his immersive acting. But he thinks, this is the passing line to be an actor, this is what actors are supposed to do.

He said, "if you’re an actor and you don’t experience the character, how could you portray it well, if you don’t get into the character, how could you make the character come to life?"

Working hard, experiencing, and immersing… he views them as a refined definition of actor, these are the preconditions of the lottery ticket. As for whether you can win the lottery in the end, no one can predict it. At least in his experience, he waited for 11 years for that winning lottery ticket.

After the filming ended, he wrote ‘jianghu, goodbye’ on Weibo, when the last episode aired, it was exactly 6 months after the last day of filming. His Weibo is on the setting of showing only the recent 6 months’ posts, as if it was a ‘long been destined’ farewell.

Perhaps the character Zhou Zi Shu is destined to be his. During the four months of filming, he had to gradually reveal Zhou Zi Shu’s two thousand layers of gray, he had to find him, become him, and lastly live the rest of his life for him.

Actors are probably all like this, they always must pour in their own life, emotions, and experience to make the character come to life. The process of making the character come to life means the actors get to experience life and emotions once again.

"Life is experience, you need to put some of your experiences into your characters."

Hegel mentioned in ‘Lectures on Aesthetics’ - 艺术通过供观照的形象可以缓和最酷烈的悲剧命运, 使它成为欣赏的对象。(thank you @sixteenthshen for providing the original quote!)

the specific lines zzh mentioned is bolded: If we are in a general way permitted to regard human activity in the realm of the beautiful as a liberation of the soul, as a release from constraint and restriction, in short, to consider that art does actually alleviate the most overpowering and tragic catastrophes by means of the creations it offers to our contemplation and enjoyment, it is the art of music which conducts us to the final summit of that ascent to freedom.

The reason why those so-called pains are endowed with aesthetic tension may lie in ‘being watched with pleasure’. Those most beautiful things aren’t been torn in our real lives, they become one ‘tearing performance’ after another, being shown on the stage, shown on the screen. The existence of aesthetic distance made ‘those so-called pains’ into something that can be bearable, having its own appreciation.

That so-called ‘pain’ experience comes more direct towards actors, there’s not much room for leeway. In his previous interview, he commented that Zhou Zi Shu is the most memorable character, the character that hurt him the most. Talking about ‘getting hurt’ again, he thinks that is unavoidable.

"I say that an actor has to get into the character and get out of character quickly. But when you’re acting in a happy scene, that happy feeling might last for a day or few days. When you’re acting in a sad, heart-broken scene, even you say it’s ok, it’s fine, it won’t affect me. But it will affect your mood, including your actions. When I go back to my room, I can’t help but to think about that scene, I might not be willing to go out and walk around."

"So, do you think acting is a process of wearing yourself out and wearing emotions down?"

"Of course, of course, of course, it’s wearing myself out." He said of course three times consecutively, "it’s not just wearing my emotions down, it also wears my physical strength out, wears my experience out, and a lot of my own things. So, if I want to do well in a piece of work, I can’t go into the next crew right after I have finished filming. Because you will have traces of the last piece of work, it’s actually hard to accept and get into the next character."

"I personally really like to stay in the filming crew, the reason why I said Zhou Zi Shu is great is that we couldn’t have any other work due to COVID-19 restrictions. I was in the crew for 4 months, in peace. I was looking into and experiencing the character carefully."

On the day of the interview, the Q&A part about acting was the most ‘unrestrained’. Every time we throw out a question, we would always get a powerful and resonating reply. From the perspective of a bystander, you could feel that he is the kind of person that is shining in his professional field.

At the end of every drama/ film, he would choose to leave that environment, and go out to have fun for few days. "I’m not insisting that I need to disengage from the drama/ film, I just want to relax, return to myself, return to Zhang Zhehan’s life."

"So, when you’re looking at Zhou Zi Shu again now as a viewer, do you have any different sentiment?"

"Of course, I would think of the funny parts and incidents. A lot of interesting bits that I’ve added in myself, you can see it in the character." Fortunately, as an actor, he can also feel the happiness that ordinary viewers have.

In our conversation, the words that he mentioned the most were 'gentle yet strong'.

"I really like netizens' comments that Zhou Zi Shu is gentle yet strong."

"The quality that I admire the most now is gentle yet strong."

"I feel like now I want to be like Ah-Xu, someone who is gentle yet strong."

"I want to be like Ah-Xu, become a bit gentler."

He thinks this seemingly contradictory combination is very interesting, "strong describes a person who is strong, whereas gentle is soft. These two words may seem to have no connection, but when they’re put together, it’s also a perfect connection."

"I didn’t feel this way before. I used to think people have to be strong, powerful, how can you be gentle yet strong? I think that’s something I need to learn now. This person must make everyone around them feel comfortable and think of others, but at the same time he/ she is also an individual who’s very strong and full of capabilities."

"Like water, it’s like this when it’s calm, it’s like that when it’s surging high."

He used as many hand gestures as he could as he wanted to express what’s on his mind as much as possible.

Gentle yet strong, this is what he saw, felt from Zhou Zi Shu, and it’s also the character experience he most wants to leave behind.

"Speaking of what hasn’t changed for 11 years, is that I’m still acting; speaking of changes there are a lot. All these years of experience, it became my understanding of each character, in contrast, 11 years of acting experience allowed me to learn a lot from my characters."

To him, every big or small character he had in the past 11 years is a mutual encounter, he gave something to the characters, and the characters also left him with something.

Those who have seen his acting praise him that he truly understands Zhou Zi Shu, so we asked how he could stand in the perspective of Zhou Zi Shu to understand his words and actions. He doesn’t think that it was understanding, it just naturally happened.

"I didn’t deliberately try to understand him, I think what he did was just following his heart, that’s how I feel, so that’s how it should be. I would ask if it was myself, can I do that? Is it acceptable? If I think it’s ok, then it’s right. If I think it’s unacceptable, I will definitely tell the director - 'I don’t want to act this way.'"

"I read another book today, the main idea is the most important thing for people is to know themselves. Know yourself, know what kind of person you are, then you will know the world. You need to learn how to reconcile with yourself, learn how to communicate with yourself, tell yourself when you need to keep going, when to compromise, when you need to understand, when you need to be strong… you need to keep being yourself and convince yourself at certain times."

Meeting Zhou Zi Shu, to Zhang Zhehan is also the process of meeting and knowing himself. "But I’m probably not as mighty as Zhou Zi Shu," he laughed.

He thinks that he’s not at the age of looking back, the things that have happened, just let them go. "There’s nothing to remember in particular, there’s nothing memorable. And my occupation, a lot of people will remember for you, they will remember your good, remember your various moments, so I don’t need to remember. What I need to do now is to live well, my current life, future life, and get into the next role."

"When I can’t act anymore, I think I will look back more."

Now, he wants to challenge a new area, "I really want to act in movies, act in more movies. 40 episodes of acting and 2 hours of acting are different, condensed acting is the quintessence. I still need to learn how to act well in the 2 hours."

And "I hope I can be a director one day."

The beautiful scenery in spring is as deep and wide as the sea, it’s fortunate that we get to meet.

"My occupation, many people will remember every moment of yours."

"Immerse into my next character, and live well - that's what I need to do now. "

Translation by: KIMMYYANG