#“Make your family proud” who
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Was reading some fics and I haven’t related to anything more on such a carnal level.
#My ancestors cry my name and mourn my stupidity y’all#Mulan who#“Make your family proud” who#ao3#ao3 notes
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trying to explain to other otasune fans that snake is NOT the one with internalized homophobia in their coupling
#y’all see a a slightly smaller man in the queer ship and make him your femboy out and proud twink yas queen#and he got raised by kaz#the fruit ever#he is caught up and knowledgeable about queer terminology#I don’t think he’s like open about it cause military but i think it’s the least of his issues#Otacon tho???#the guy with the dad who instilled fear of weakness inside him#and a mom who ended up marrying a man despite being in lovr with a woman and being really depressed#and then getting groomed by his step mom#and got a weird inferiority complex about all of that which related to the wah he finds piece in manga and anime#he can calls himself a loser and weak by his own interests and not by the more serious things he doesn’t want to examine#the way he talks about snake in the games and novels like he wants him so badly but refuses to every actually tell him#he wants them to be a family but the connotation to family to him is so fucked up#he tells himself that snake knows what he’s thinking because he knows what’s snake thinking but snake doesn’t#the scene where he sleeps with Naomi on the night snake is leaving for his suicide mission??#LIKE???#mgs#otasune#snotacon#snavid#otacon#mgs otacon#metal gear solid
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Thinking about William as a metaphor for disability again. Thinking about how William got into an accident and suddenly he's watching his body rot and fall apart. How does he cope with that? How do his family and friends cope with that? Thinking about how he died, and in a way he and the people around him have to mourn that. How when you're recently disabled you might mourn the ability you've lost, and people around you might mourn because they believe they've lost something too even though you're still RIGHT THERE. Thinking about the monsters in Deadwood being attracted to the wisps and ultimately forcing him to leave home and how that reflects the world suddenly becoming inhospitable and hostile towards you overnight. How rather than making Deadwood safer for William, he had to just leave. How often the way the world treats disabled people forces them to retreat from it in some way. How William was just arguing that the Lich didn't have rights because it wasn't alive, and then finding out he's dead too. How disabled people have their personhood stripped from them by people who think they'll never be disabled so why should they care. Are you listening to me
#did they say something about the monsters being attracted to william putting his family in danger?#bc something something people making your symptoms about Them as if youre not the one who has to actually live with them#william wisp#jrwi pd#i just. ough#he found out he was rotting in a hospital bed!! that is a standard movie disability thing#the doctors cime in like 'this is gonna be difficult to hear blah blah'#also the rotting being unknown by basically anyone (other than mal)#not knowing if it can be stopped/slowed if it'll just keep going forever where it came from etc#its an unexplained disability with all the uncertainty and fear that comes with it#william wisp is a proud member of the leopard's eating people's faces party btw
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not to project like a motherfucker on natalie berzatto but ohhhh boy the impact of a narrative that says “hey, is your desire to make sure everybody around you is okay also about you? and could that perhaps be partially a maladaptive trauma response you should look into and maybe mitigate? because if it’s a genuine question that’s fine, but if the only answer you will respond well to hearing is yes that’s a You Issue Too, Babe”
#as somebody with a loud and toxic italian extended family the bear comes for my neck over and over#s3 is going even harder on that#nat’s pathology is gentler and less easy to spot than mikey’s or carmy’s or god help us all donna’s#but it is nonetheless unhealthy and bad for her#the theme of “you do not need to be Good And Pleasing to be worth love” is a lot this year#related (and this will take s4 to be sure of but i have Hope) that your ability to succeed in a garbage capitalist structure defines worth#as somebody who worked in a lot of kitchens this show just feels like home#and the thing that kept jarring me about the whole let’s upgrade to fine dining plan was …what about the people you leave behind#and after having seen napkins now it feels like the show KNOWS THAT#tina could not be hired at the bear but being hired at the beef saved her life#god i want them to bring this home#the fact that the sandwich window is the ONLY THING MAKING MONEY feels promising#like… i want the bear (the in-world restaurant) to succeed#but also no. no i do no want it to succeed as-is.#i want the bear and the beef to blend for REAL and then succeed#or i guess fail given the general themes of the season but try on terms they can be entirely proud of!!! even if they fail!!!
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I'm really sorry you and your sister are dealing with that
(no pressure to publish this, not that there should ever be pressure to publish an ask if you don't want to, of course, but just wanted to say I hope you're doing okay)
Ah, thank you, anon, it's okay. It's been a while now (court moves slooow), but we're getting hopefully close to the end. She filed in Family Court December 2022, and we've had about five interim hearings with final trial (finally) scheduled over four days next month, so fingers crossed! But yeah, it's been A Time. He's financially and emotionally abusive against my sister, and both those things as well as medically negligent against their children (who are only six and eight and both have special needs), so it's been....rough. To say the least.
But on a lighter note, have one of my new favourite photos I took of my nephews at the jellyfish enclosure at the aquarium last month!
#i DO feel like i have an honourary family law degree at this point haha#and i think i've got at least three different creative projects that are coming out of it because the levels of insight#you develop#is just#yes#wow#A Lot#i hhaaaated the idea when i was younger that you became a better writer as you get older#like i think i genuinely did have this mindset like age has nothing to do with talent#and i kind of do still think that#i think there are young writers who are wildly good#but it's also impossible to articulate the absolute wilderness that is humanity that you get deeper into as you age#that makes me sound a hundred lmao i'm 33#but i think in particular there's this pivot point when the people you love start to have families of their own with people who are#so removed from your way of being#and sometimes that's amazing and sometimes that's awful#and what comes out in the wash of that is just a perfect mix of generational trauma AND generational enabling#privilege and expectation and mindsets around familial roles#and the sudden and horrible reveal that you have had children with a man who will be diagnosed a destructive narcissist#and who will reject the idea of your children having disabilities because how could he - a perfect man - father children with disabilities#and will turn all that loathing onto a woman he once said he loved because he decides she is the defective one who gave him broken children#which is literally how he thinks#it's soooo#yeah#anyway my sister is amazing and my nephews are perfect#and honestly it's been special in a lot of ways because y'know i'm a middle child she's my big sister#and we've had a tumultuous relationship over the years but this has honestly made us closer than we've ever been in our lives#and i'm proud of that but i'm really proud of the relationship i have with those little boys#and i think need hope we're going to win and she'll be able to move herself and the boys here even as the odds are stacked against us SO#i WILL also be calling on the universe / heavens / everyone's good vibes next month
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i also think the fact that i had such a stunted and isolated upbringing and now that im an adult all my friends are on atypical life paths (and honestly even my friends as a kid were like this too) means i find things that are usually very common life stages really interesting. like knowing someone who has a house and a wife and 2 kids (with that wife) and a job with a salary feels like meeting fucking paul bunyun to me. or hearing the kids i work with talk about graduating high school and going to college and being on a real path with that stuff is neat? or even sometimes knowing cis/het people who are like going thru that coming of age stuff that i never really experienced the way you see it in the movies bc of transness/queerness/neurodivergence. its like woah they said the name of the thing in the thing. do u know what i mean???
#this actually reminds me of one of the girls at work whose been here for 2 yrs so i feel like im watching her grow up#shes graduating hs this year and shes really smart and she always asks questions like this#like picking ur brain about your life like 'what did you feel like growing up how was your family' etc#its kinda cool#she already got a degree bc of dual credit courses and an internship lined up and im so proud of her#and theres another girl her same age who came to me last night telling me her situationship just broke her heart#and they were both talking all about their prom dresses and all that stuff and were so excited last month#like idk i guess i just find it endearing#i think part of it is also that while these specific paths are thought of as common/default#there really is so much variance in life and really truly so many people not on those paths for so many reasons#which actually does loop around to making it seem strange#like truly how many people do you really know anymore who stayed at 1 job until they rose the ranks#who got married and had kids with that person and now they live in a house in the suburbs with some dogs and cats#like who does that anymore#meanwhile i think its just cool seeing kids actually experiencing growing up but in retrospect and not as a peer feeling confused & jealous#like woah youre a girl buying a dress and getting her hair done and texting a boy thats so wild ive never done that#or woah youre taking courses to prepare for college and know what degree youre going for#i no longer feel resentment that i felt left behind during all that shit when i was a teenager#im just happy for them and proud of them
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TOWER OF DAWN SPOILER ALERT
OH MY WORD
ITS LYSANDRAS FATHER isn’t it
Update:
OH MY WORD IT IS
Updated Update: OH MY WORD I HAD IT WRONG HES HER… UNCLE??
But still…
Wait… Does that mean her father’s alive??
I can’t keep track of the updates but I’m pretty sure Nesryn just put the pieces together and almost said it
Mostly just my mind is blown twice in less than 2 chapters… I have no coherency… just… wow
#spoiler alert#Tower of Dawn#first read#currently reading#no spoilers please#read with me#reading reacts#Falkan#I just want them all to meet#and then realize how Aelin brought them together#Lysandra Ennar#living for that moment#the fortune all of it for her gonna go cry now#Will they ever know#I NEED THEM TO KNOW AND LIVE AND MEET#THE FULL CIRCLE OF TAB#ITS GOTTA BE#edit: update I WAS RIGHT ITS HIM#WHAT A SMALL BIG FICTIONAL WORLD WE HAVE#Nesryn babe your the new story keeper so please live cause this is crucial info babes#wait does that mean Lysandra would have the possibility of knowing who she was what she looked like or anything little by knowing her dad#he’d be so proud of our lil sea dragon#lol when Nesryn puts the pieces together WOW#also casually gonna throw in there Sartaqs I love you#and ya know Maeve’s backstory Chaol and Yrene just got together oh and did I mention Nesryn is the best#this posts updates are chaos#me totally crying because just like Aelin when she learned Lysandra and Wesley and Ansel tried to come for her in Endovier and now Lysandra#will get to see the same thing not only those that already call her family Rowan defending his sister Aelin coming back for her but someone#that’s always been waiting for her searching for her trying to make sure she’d have a life for herself#Chapter 50
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I came to Ace Attorney for the gay antics, ridiculous cases, and shitpost memes. I stayed for the heartbreaking family drama.
#Who once was warm yellow light and soft sweet safety and unsung lullabies is now just nothing#He caused the nightmares he soothed you from#He’s the reason you cried yet he wiped away your tears#He helped you through panic attacks and encouraged your recovery from the event he did#Franziska as well#The only parent you ever had#your role model#your hero#the one who watched you make your first drawing and was so proud of it not too long ago had just killed someone#the hands which framed your drawing on on wall was used to kill someone#I’m listening to Tide Pools by Pigeon Pit rn and I’m losing it#noelle's rambles#ace attorney#gyakuten saiban#ace attorney anime#von karma#von karma family#von karma siblings#manfred von karma#miles edgeworth#franziska von karma
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hi guys please wish me luck for my college entrance exam tomorrow for one of my dream schools xoxo
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LET'S GOOO MGA PAREH 💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅#i'm so chill for some reason even if ik i will never forgive myself if i don't get in. anyway. manifesting!!! i will pass with flying colors#IT'S REAL DAMN STRESSFUL FOR ME bcs i am aiming for honors courses which means i have to be top 15%... i am top 15% (and higher) in my batch#in school anyway but... urgh...#so. yeah. give me all your best wishes thankyousomuchxoxo AHHEHEHWHSHFJAH sobbing (but fr. if you do. i really appreciate it!!)#i believe in myself :] mostly. the time limit scares me and math and abstract reasoning bcs 5 minutes for 30 items but yeah. okay.#i am Smart ..... bro i literally got perfect on my physics exam and got 100 in statistics (i am really proud of these in particular)#my extracurriculars are good !! all my math scores are insane (cue a math nerd) and science (science nerd) english (god. no explanation#needed) honestly every subject is slay and so is my essay-making but ERGH. honors course... top 15%...#i will try to be chill! honestly i am already lol the nerves aren't getting to me somehow. gl to me and all that i know and do not know.#both here and irl :3 also to fellow ph kids (who are most likely younger than me if they aren't older and yk not worrying abt cets anymore#LMFAO) err idk if . okay idk what i was going to say LMFAO anyway i'm busy af and idk if i'm good with teaching others#but if you ever want any tips from me (honestly i don't really have tips. i do what i do and just make it. but there's a lot involved there)#feel free to come to me for anything ^_^ anything at all tbh. doesn't have to be acads idk i like helping others in general. BUT IT DEPENDS.#but yeah just hmu whatever i will have you know i am genuinely a smart & responsible kid and i am proud of that bcs my family is amazing w#smarts but also the Hard Work is there so :3 !! english is my forte science is my forte math is my forte. also socsci and whatever tbh.#i'm probably insane but i genuinely love all those topics and what we learn in school FISHFK so yeah !!! okay i shut up now#will do my best... zzz... and then i will work on myself. to be better than i already am and even better than i could possibly be. ya. fun!#the mga pareh is a joke btw i like imitating filipino kids like that. like yooo mga pareh let's goooooo wahee!!!!!
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Its the middle of the night and instead of sleeping I keep thinking about Aviae and Anders's dynamic ougaggga
#dragon age#oc: aviae surana#like. they have ~10 year age gap give or take#i think little four year old aviae saw anders and just decided she was going to follow him around#because she refuses to cooperate with literally anyone else anders gets stuck with babysitting duties#(he acts like he hates it at first but he really doesnt. although he doesnt appreciate the extra attention from everyone else. makes it#harder to plan escapes yk)#sometimes i worry im overindulging in these two being so family like. then i remember that i can do what i want and avi is my oc so#anyways. anders teaching her to read and write because shes FOUR and so so little and doesnt know how to do hardly anything#and as she gets older aviae decides to specialize in spirit healing because of anders#(he acts wounded when shes better at it than he is but in honesty hes just so proud of her)#they have a very sibling dynamic and it makes me sick to think about. in a good way though#i think as aviae got older she started trying to help anders with his escapes#she probably assisted at least a little bit with the escape after karl. even if it was just distracting someone lmao#anyways. they are so very special. to me#worldstate: mage rights#i may be cringe but i am free. idc <3#i think the idea of anders and surana/amell beinh close before awakening is neat idk#aviae and anders dynamic is funny becuase like. the tiny little elven mage who you watched grow up is now your boss and is also the you kno#hero of fucking fereldan. crazy#my ocs
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this is gonna sound incredibly virtue signal-y i fear but i have been feeling. so fiercely protective of all the transfems i've ever met lately
#marzi speaks#I PROMISE I'M NOT TRYING TO EARN GOOD BOY POINTS HOLD ON LET ME. EXPLAIN MYSELF HERE#obvs we're in kinda a tense political climate rn#and i'm noticing trends have been getting . increasingly misogynistic lately?#in like . a subtle but for sure still noticeable way#and women are being dismissed and all this awful shit#and ppl are going. completely mask off about it when the woman happens to be a trans gender#and it reminds me of when i was a little girl. and how my mom spent so much time in my childhood#training me to not stand for and take misogynistic bullshit from anyone. and to defend other women too#she taught me to assert myself in professional or academic environments. she taught me to stand proud and take up physical space#once as a kid my great uncle (who's always been a nut) didn't let me come on a fishing trip because i was a girl#when i came to my mom crying about it because i loved boats and fishing and my family she just about murdered him. completely tore into him#my whole life my mom has been there to tell me that people will try to put me down. they will try to overlook me or dismiss me#or make me feel smaller. and if i dare to get too confident i'll be labeled bossy or a bitch#and that no matter what i do i cannot let those pieces of shit win. i cannot let that stop me#and that i'd have to fight so fucking hard for it my whole life and it won't be fair but i will do it because i have no other option#and i'm seeing a lot of transfems having to navigate that now too#but they didn't get the privilege of being trained in this since day 1. they have to figure it out on their own#and the demonization right now is so strong that a single misstep can be. so dangerous#and it makes me so mad. all of that built up anger from every time i've had to learn how to not take misogynistic bullshit comes to a boil#the little girl scout in my brain who grew up forcing people to see that a girl can do whatever the fuck she wants fuck you is ACTIVE rn#she's angry. she's so angry. because she's seeing the same bullshit she dealt with in middle school being repeated again#anyways. transfems. i love you so much. you deserve so much fucking better.#i hope you can safely advocate for yourself. until then i will fucking yell and scream from the rooftops because this shit is so unfair#you should be allowed to succeed and you should be allowed to fail. and you should be allowed to take up as much goddamn space as you want#and wear whatever the hell you want. transfems i love you and i am so so angry on your behalf. modern feminism has failed you#and i am going to kill someone over it#remember to be loudly and unapologetically yourself as much as you safely can. do not let them crush your spirit
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my dad came in and saw me on the couch (for the first time all day and i had literally just sat down for less than a minute when he came in) w heating pad and immediately goes "you have two options" (different chores to do) (as if i was like 10 years old and getting punished for something that i didnt even know i did wrong). what about secret third option where you treat me like an adult or i don't come home for winter next year. Lol
#.mei chats#soryr really my family is. great i need to stpo complain#i just wish theyd realize that im not incompetent#i do a really good job taking care of myself for the entire 10 months out of the year that i dont live with them#and im proud of the independence ive developed bc i worked really hard to feel ANY sort of positive feelings about myself#but they just dont recognize it at all when i come back#trying to tell me how to microwave my food and reminding me of paperwork i have to do#Thanks i literally managed the entire program tasks myself for the last 6~months but yeah you better remind me about the medical forms#or else ill totally forget and mess up the whole thing :'333 bc im just so stupid!! thakn you soooo much for taking care of me!!#<- not like ive been hypervigilant and anxious about making sure i do every little thing with it perfect#in fact there was actually an issue w one of my forms bc they made me submit it even though i didn't think it was filled out properly.#they were like “itll be fine youre overthinking” guess who got an email 3 days later saying the form was completely invalid.#god just bottom line why cantthey trust me when i say im on top of it. fucking trust me this program is my entire life right now#i am putting literally eveyr ounce of effort i've got into not ruining it. they just dont see the improvements and growth ive made at all#so frustrating bc ive worked so hard to pinpoint and fix that specifically but what can ya do#god this got long. sawry#.not f/o related
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watching Nishitani's death scene always leaves me devastated. like noooo king you can't die you haven't gotten your rocks off in a decent fight yet
#jokes aside the first time i saw that scene I wasn't ready for it. he's such an earnest guy who embodies this wild persona fully ->#and when the audience may believe he'll go wild again or pull some shit to save himself what does he do?#he tries to run for his uncle and shields Majima from the bullets.#he didn't have to give up his life but he saw something in Majima that he wanted to protect. a reflection maybe.#that line he says about “why couldn't we have met earlier” and chiding himself for being sentimental... goddd i need more of him#it makes me wonder specifically what he would think of the Mad Dog persona.#would he be proud that Majima took after him? glad to have someone that understands?#or perhaps downtrodden that Majima could follow his direct footsteps into an early grave himself?#i mean we've seen Majima throw himself into situations where he could die any minute. its not wrong to say its a miracle he's gonna see 60#but is that also something he learned from Nishitani? that he can sacrifice himself if it means the ones he loves will thrive?#ughhhh mr nishitani i miss your silly ass... literally altered Majima's brain chemistry that day in the jail cell....#also not to be too theorist or anything but like. i wonder if anyone tried to get Nishitani help or if they let him die.#bc his men were in the (unlocked) cell with him; one of them could have run for help or a medic even if it was too late#but would he want that? or would he have wanted to be left in peace with his only family member- dead by association with him?#grrrr i need more info on him..... but at the same time i love that they left him fairly vague...#we get just the hint of his attitude being a persona and thats it.... GOD i need to rip something up im consumed with blorbo thoughts#nishitani homare#bulletin board
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the x-files — s3 e22 ‘quagmire’ | s4 e5 ‘the field where i died’
#is this anything#guys stop projecting your dead fathers onto the other. guyssss stoppppppp#the father as authority vs the father as lenience or levity; punisher or saviour?#i had to paraphrase a lot here when adding the text but also important is scully saying trying to capture his obsession#will only end in his death and the deaths of those around him#in this way scully is expressing her concern for him; to mulder she is instead a father who died trying to protect#one hubristic one martyred#how many times has scully's life been endangered as a result of her work in the x-files? hmmmmm#scully notoriously relentlessly seeking the love from her father; approval; connection - to be recognised; validated#(thinking of mulder & scully meeting because she was assigned to INvalidate his work; to question his belief)#scully in s1 e13 - she no longer needs to be told her father was proud of her; she knows because he was her father#vs scully saying the only person she trusts is mulder; her biggest fear him betraying her (s3 e23)#(the ultimate betrayal at that; that he was one of the men who violated her body)#also the concept of desire as a cage vs love as freedom#to want is to acknowledge there is something you do not have; something you feel you perhaps cannot have#such as the love of a father (figure)#we covet what we see everyday etc. and what is more mundane than family and what is more felt than the absence of their love#scully saw her father when dying and he told her to go back. but it was mulder she listened to#does any of this make sense. it is 3am. goodnight#mine#txf
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if i disappear after saying that ive been assassinated no jokes aside if i take that down its not bc i disagree with it, you can still pin it on me as a belief that i think that shit should be said and ill put my whole ass behind it, but saying shit like that has consequences lmfao. also theres a time and a place to bring that up
#ive already. dealt. with enough fucking propagandising royal family members on my fucking ASS this lifetime to last. the rest of#this universe's incarnation. sometimes its better to not get involved which i KNOW is a big part of why the propaganda is rampant#among people who work with ''demons'' but like. no. no race is more superior than other races. hot take i know sorry#ramblings //#honestly tho. im so sick of dealing with the topics of ascending and (''demon'') racial supremacy and fighting jxdaism under the guise#of ''we hate chrxstians tho and thats good!'' bc ''(JEWISH NAME FOR GOD????) is a horrible person he wiped out half his angels!!!!''#listen i do not care how uncomfortable you are w your species' and peoples' histories you are. leave innocent fucking people and their#concept of the Creator that you dont even understand alone. whats the point in pride in your people if youre only proud of how#your people are Better than another set of people. like. bruh. are you proud of being a (demon) or are you so insecure your only source of#literally describing said propagandising family members lord almighty im gonna stop myself there.#WOW. I DSFJKHDFH. IVE NEVERRRRR SUDDENLY GOTTEN THE URGE TO TALK SHIT ABOUT WAR /AND/ SPILL THINGS PEOPLE#WANT SECRET /AND/ TALK SHIT ABOUT TWISTING KNOWLEDGE TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK GOOD /AND/ HAD IT DEVOLVE INTO#''even tho im (practically) hindu jxdaism is too fucking important to my family for me to not have OPINIONS about shit'' BEFORE HMM#WEIRD WEIRD unincarnated selves just fucking going AT it. i mean. spilling opinions. cant say they havent gone at it in other#ways too wow no wonder Ardhanarishvara (God as half man half woman) and Shiva and Shakti are super important to me -#NO WONDER THIS CAME AFTER TALKING ABOUT CONSCIOUSNESS AND MIND WHO I SEE AS SHIVA AND SHAKTI#anyway the first post had nothing to do w jxdaism and this topic itself has nothing to do w it i just finally had it click why Certain Peop#calling the things the kings they worship did atrocities of (name) was bothering me SO much. i mean i knew why the rest of it was bothering#me - i mean the NAME bit clicked
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Oh btw that Never Let Me Go episode ruuuuuuuuled
#it just gets better and better#phuwin was not lying that episode was hella romantic#and i'm so glad nuengpalm got some positive elder role models to normalize happiness for them#i DO think palm needs to meet someone who teaches him about d/s#because the fact that he likes being ordered around and serving palm romantically def complicates his confusion about his role#ben made me feel for him 100% aw and i'm soooo relieved chopper is a good boy#i will support him if he just goes ape shit but i love a narrative like this where he's navigating so much and staying so good#i am a bit team phum not in how he's terrorizing nuengdiao and anyone who associates with him#but in that his grievances w/ nueng's parents are kinda legit#but nueng shutting the fuck down the idea that non's gratitude to the family justifies servility on any level#makes me think the narrative gets that to at least some extent#so i'm interested in where things will go since tanya is a beloved figure who had one of the best parental reactions to a kid coming out#ever#but she's still the head of a corporate empire with a mafia underbelly#yk?????#i love nueng for just not even touching the idea that his dad was so benevolent in that moment#he didn't even go there! it's besides the point! we don't own you! you don't owe us your life! it's your life!#so proud of him#also: SO PROUD OF PALM for really taking up space this episode#flirting with his WHOLE chest being honest about his feelings#a beautiful beautiful thing to witness!#never let me go#never let me go spoilers
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