#“It definitely isn’t viewed as romantic” my ass

[pinkbeastie]

YOU CANNOT TELL ME- IT WASNT ROMANTIC WHAAAAT

[ham1lton]

omg i had a similar idea about how yn’s birthday would be what exposed lewisyn but i didn’t send it bc i didn’t think you’d like it 🫣🫣🫣 i was just thinking that he’d get her something REALLY nice and everyone’s like 🤨🤔 whose boss would get them this….(as a kpop girlie my headcanon was that he flies her to coachella to see blackpink vip LMAO but honestly your choice)

author’s note: LEWISYN LEWISYN *we all chant in unison*. this is a part of the dream girl universe but can be read as a stand alone! also i’m posting the oscaryn fic tomorrow! so keep an eye out for that :D

liked by bestie1, alexandrasaintmleux and 728,928 others.

yourusername: when your boss pays for an all inclusive holiday for you and your girls for your birthday, but you miss his dog so you force him to send you updates every day 😔

view all 47,982 comments

user1: happy bday girl but this isn’t normal 😭

-> user2: bye she’s so real for this because if i could get exclusive lewis hamilton selfies I WOULD 😭

user3: you posted a darry ring box on your story? who bought it for you?

-> yourusername: lewis! :)

-> user4: hey babe… that’s literally INSANE

-> user5: idgi? what’s a darry ring? why is it insane? it’s just jewellery 🤷🏾‍♀️

-> user4: you can only buy ONE darry ring per LIFETIME. they make you submit your id so you can never buy another. it’s meant to be for your soulmate 😭 and lewis bought one for his ASSISTANT 😭

-> user5: nah, they GOTTA be fucking.

-> user4: worse. they’re in love.

carmenmmundt: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL ♥️

-> yourusername: i can’t even believe it but thank you babe!!! mwah!! we’ll go out as soon as i come back!!! :D

-> user6: my fav wags :(( gonna miss yn when lewis goes to ferrari :((

bestie1: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTIE!!! SEXIEST GIRL EVER!!!!!!11!!!111

*liked by yourusername.*

user19: people talking about the darry ring like what about the HOLIDAY TO HER FAVOURITE PLACE??? like that is literally CRAZY???

-> user19: … you hiring? lewishamilton 👀

-> user21: fuck that, do you have an opening in your relationship? lewishamilton yourusername? 👀 bitch scooch over!! i want y’all 🤷🏻‍♀️

user20: what f1 driver wants to have a weird codependent relationship with a romantic subtext with me?

-> user21: i didn’t realise how much of a wattpad ass trope lewisyn is 😭 rich older famous hot boss and younger funny pretty employee who does whatever she wants while the boss is just fondly endeared.

-> user22: THAT SHOULD BE ME!!!!! 😔

-> user20: we can still do it oscarpiastri

-> oscarpiastri: no thank you! 🙂‍↔️

user28: yourusername are you and lewis dating be honest?

-> yourusername: NO 😭 i am definitely still single. lewis and i are just close friends that’s it!

-> user29: he said ‘happy birthday to my favourite girl, i want to spend all the rest of them with you’ in his post to you…. THATS A BOYFRIEND ASS QUOTE DONT LIE 😭

-> yourusername: that’s really normal??? like i’m sorry that you don’t have a decent relationship with your boss? 😭

user10: this whole bday thing is so funny cause why is yn trying to pass this as a normal employee and employer relationship 😭

-> user11: like you don’t see charles taking his assistant on romantic candlelit dinners do you 😭

-> user12: maybe if he does that, he’ll win a wdc. lewis does it, and he won eight, to ME!

user26: her insta stories are packed with all the gifts he bought her omg. someone tallied it all up and why did it amount to 2.7 million?!????

-> user27: IM SO JEALOUS

alexandrasaintmleux: next time brunch is on me ! 🥰 happy birthday honey 💕

-> yourusername: ily alex :(

-> user7: 1644 got the baddest bitches i know that’s right!

user13: lewisyn be normal challenge: FAILED!

-> user14: lewisyn be hopelessly in love with each other and co-parent lewis’ dog together challenge: COMPLETE!

user15: everyone talking about how weird it is that lewis spoils yn for her bday but why can’t we NORMALISE this?????? i want MY lazy ass boss to see shit like this and feel so ashamed that he books me on a cruise or some shit 😭

user17: LEWISYN CONFIRMED !!! WE CHEERED !!

-> user18: did you see his birthday post to her? babe it’s BEEN confirmed 😭

user24: im new to this. is yn lewis’ wag?

-> user25: no! she’s his assistant.

-> user24: don’t believe it. sorry.

user16: to everyone thinking this is weird, lewis’ team are like family to him. yn has been with him for almost a decade. like ofc he’s gonna reward loyalty? especially when she’s gotten offers from other celebs and brands. she could have pivoted to being an influencer but she likes working for lewis and it’s clearly mutual?

*liked by yourusername.*

landonorris: did you get my flowers?

-> yourusername: no?? :(

-> lewishamilton: roscoe ate them. my bad.

-> user8: MESSY ASS 😭 that dog did not eat those damn flowers.

-> user9: roscoe at home rn like … what he say fuck me for 🐶

-> yourusername: dw lando!! we’ll still have our weekly movie night when i come back!!

-> landonorris: :D

— dream girl taglist: @flowergirl1134 @laur20a23 @greantii @rafebun @sumlovesjude @papayadays

— all works taglist: @luvsforme @yelenasloverrrrr @donttouchthegnote @chelle1306 @bloodyymaryyy @aliciaablueprint @lennnooshh @km-23mr @stinkyjax @f1kenzzz @ctrlyomomma @theblueblub @lavisenri @marshmummy @23victoria @ourlifeforchaos @namgification @tallrock35 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @ariellovelynn @shhhchriss @lifeless-firefly @xylinasdiary @evie-119 @itseightbeats @tsireyasgf @landososcar @yongi-lee @maxlarens @velentine @m1892 (if you were on more than one of the taglists, i’ve only tagged you once! :) also if you’re on the solo lewis taglist, i’ll tag you in the mentions as tumblr limits mentions at 50 per post!! :( and if you’d like to join either taglist, fill out this form! make sure you read the explanatory box, fill the form out correctly and allow your account to be tagged or i can’t tag you!)

[esotericangelgirl]

𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐦 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤! ᯓᡣ𐭩

𐙚⋆°. pairing: gojo x reader 𐙚⋆°. summary: in which satoru gojo, college playboy extraordinaire, is an insufferable, selfish, flaky manwhore who can’t commit but he’s the best kisser you’ve ever met, rich as hell, makes you laugh until your ribs hurt, and even flew you to the south of france as an apology that one time. you hate his guts for breaking your heart time and time again, but he’s just so cute, isn’t he? and he’s definitely not 6’2! (dude, nice try.)

small teaser of my gojo x reader...... perhaps this will motivate me to finish it also this is my first time writing anything like this please be nice thank u ☆૮꒰•༝ •。꒱ა

“he’s so fucking corny,” you seethe. shoko gives you a pointed look and arches a perfect brow as she takes the phone from your hand, squinting to look at the boomerang of two red cups clinking together while doses and mimosas plays in the background. “a boomerang at his big age!”

shoko sighs and hands the phone back to you. “it’s not like you’re any better. you’re viewing his story from a fucking burner,” she notes, tapping on the default instagram profile picture in the corner of your screen.

you flop back onto your bed and sigh deeply. shoko gives you another stare then shakes her head softly, putting her cigarette out on your windowsill. you appreciate how tact she’s been through the whole ordeal, though. the slight teasing over your pathetic burner that even geto has noticed and definitely knows is you (he probably won’t tell gojo though, he’s the kinder of the duo, and besides, it’s not like gojo could get his head out of his ass long enough to put two and two together) is better than her bringing up how you’ve secretly cried into your pillow every night and continuously fail to make it any less obvious.

you shut your phone off after the next tap, hot tears threatening to fall for the millionth time when you see a picture of gojo, blue eyes blown wide from the alcohol and thousand-watt smile blinding the camera, with his arm casually slung around a pretty blonde in a low cut top. whatever, you think, fucking cunt. you stare at the ceiling, furiously trying to blink the tears away, as you remember that same beautiful smile, pointed at you after long nights tangled in his egyptian cotton sheets. nights where you’d poke at his dimple, when he’d playfully bite your finger after the third time reaching for his cheek, and begin to slowly kiss up your arm, gorgeous cerulean eyes shining with-

ugh. shoko glances at you knowingly, as if she can read your mind. “we need to get you a hobby or something. maybe knitting?” she laughs at her own stupid joke as you glare at her, reaching for your laptop as if that’ll convince you to drag yourself out of bed and finish that psychology paper due tonight.

you open your laptop and are greeted with the sight of the crudely written beginning of a love? like letter you started last night while drunk off of cheap soju addressed to none other than satoru gojo.

shoko stands up to peer over your shoulder, “hey, let me see how you cited the dsm-5 in text-“ and her eyes comically widen when she sees what’s written on your screen. she begins to laugh even harder. “dude, that is like, so fucking gay! tell me you’re not going to send that and will be deleting it immediately to replace with something that will actually contribute to society or whatever.”

you slam the laptop shut, cheeks burning red. “isn’t it supposed to be like romantic or something? i bet none of the other girls he’s been with have never even thought to do something like this for him.” you cringe as soon as the words exit your mouth. it is really gay, you realize.

still giggling, shoko replies, “and for good reason.” she takes a deep breath to compose herself. “look, you’re not lesbian lovers in the 18th century. in fact, i think that would be a thousand times less sad than …. whatever the hell this is.”

the “whatever the hell this is” in question is your strange, twisted relationship (situationship?) with infamous playboy satoru gojo. the 21 year old heir to one of the largest fortunes in japan was constantly plastered on various tabloids featuring suggestive pictures with leggy models, rumors of a nasty cocaine addiction (which he denies; gojo’s definitely too much of a baby to consider snorting something. the man can’t even take a straight shot, for god’s sake), and accusations he only got into the prestigious jujutsu tech because of his father’s money. he didn’t, you later found out; satoru was frustratiatingly smart without trying while you constantly pulled all-nighters to keep your grades up.

“come back to beddddd,” satoru whines with outstretched arms and grabby hands. “professor yaga’s midterm is so easy! i took his class last year and got an A without studying once. anyone with half a brain could do it.”

he flashes you a cocky smile and you roll your eyes. “that’s because you’re good at everything. so unfair. not everyone was blessed with your ‘superior intellect.’” you add air quotes to the last words of your sentence to further emphasize your point.

you playfully move to toss a pillow at him and he grabs your wrist, pulling you into his lap. “come on, you’re one of the smartest girls i know. i believe in you,” he says softly, playing gently with your fingers.

“you know other women?” you deadpan, cocking an eyebrow.

“of course not, you’re the only one for me baby,” he winks.

liar. of course. absolute fucking liar. satoru gojo would flirt with anything with a pulse. he’d give that same cocky wink to baristas, class partners, and the stuck-up sorority girls that flocked to him at geto’s frat parties. ironic, considering he always claimed he was above them when the two of you were alone.

“i’m way too good for those things,” he’d note, messing with his impeccably styled white hair in the custom mirror imported from sweden. “i only ever go to them for suguru’s sake. bottle service at the box is where it’s at.”

“yeah, right,” you scoff. “you’re so full of yourself. you love all the attention you get there, don’t you? our campus celebrity.”

he turns around to look at you, pouting. “never! i’m so humble and down to earth, more like jujutsu tech’s own version of jesus.”

you both burst into laughter. you like the way he can keep up with you, the banter, and the teasing lilt of his voice when you joke with him.

“you coming tonight?”

“i don’t think so, you know it’s not my scene either.”

“your loss,” he sighs, picking up his phone. “i’m gonna head out in a bit; i’ll walk you to your dorm?”

he does and you convince yourself that you really are the only girl for him. that he’ll man up one of these days and formally ask you to be his girlfriend. he’ll ditch the frat parties and the clubs and finally just be yours. the way the two of you pretend in the sanctuary of his penthouse. you see him in the back of one of suguru’s stories that night, dancing (grinding, more like) with a redhead in a dress that leaves little to the imagination. you pretend you didn’t when he texts you “u up?” hours later.

[bunnivez]

Modern! Zoya…

Her first job was as a tattoo artist. Most of her costumers were women, they would specifically ask for her to do their tattoos; both because of her amazing work and the other… to get a close look at her. Whats better? Zoya is aware of the many women she is pulling (๑>؂•̀๑)

Imagine you two meet randomly bumping against each other and turns out you work at the shop right next to the one she works at!

Or you got recomendad by your friend to go to a certain shop to get your tattoo done, telling you to specifically ask for a woman named Zoya since her work is more professional and she is more trusted to give you great results.

She used to live in an apartment until she got a husky… I mean she it wasn’t like she couldn’t afford an average house but damn, she now has to pay more…

Has a love-hate relationship with her dog TRUST. Often complains of their sudden howling and the amount of hair they shed.

“It’s 1:30AM why the fuck are you howling like that!? You sound like you’re dying!” “Oh my f… You know i’m tempted in leaving you bald so I don’t have to deal with having your hair on the couch.”

At the same time however, they are also her best buddy and friend. There are times where she even lets them sleep with her on bed… For at least an hour before Zoya falls asleep and accidentally pushes s them off the bed in the middle of the night.

Yes she is a messy sleeper, god knows how the heck she ends up with on leg on the headboard and the other hanging on the bed. She snores like a dad…

Like even her huskey got scared for a second and kept barking until she woke up.

Listen, when going out she has this whole badass outfit, rings on her fingers, chains, unbuttoned blouse, a whole ass fit that screams “DADDY”

And then there are times where she just pulls up to the grocery store with an “Idgaf” outfit… Yet somehow she still looks hot. Jorts, a black baggy shirt, socks with the damn sandals or crocs combo (ಠ_ಠ)

Has a tongue piercing and you cannot tell me otherwise. If not, it is definitely her nipples.

Dark or alcohol filled chocolates girly. She isn’t a fan of overly sweet stuff.

Once choked on boba balls.

Honestly she can be romantic at times. She takes you to dates often— if not she plans something you two can do at home. Like cook, watch movies, play games or something.

Motorcycle rides with her are very common, more so with the fact that she doesn’t really own a car… Which she did confess that she may or may not be the best at driving.

Who knows how the heck she managed to stay alive with the many incidents she’s had while driving.. I guess she’s immortal.

Has an electric guitar, she posts videos on TikTok playing it and they get pretty high views! Like 406.1k views or something.

Her reposts mainly contain of two things; brain rots, lesbian.

Takes the most silly pictures of you and posts them on her story.

Source ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° .

HAHAHSGSBSGAVAWHABE, IMAGINE HER LAYING DOWN WHILE YOU SIT ON TOP OF HER TO DO HER MAKEUP.

Holds you like a stuffed animal when sleeping. It’s actually so cute but it’s kinda hard to break free from her hold.

YOU GUYS PLAY ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, AND WHOEVER LOSES IS IN CHARGE OF COOKING.

Her cooking is actually pretty damn good! I feel like she is especially a specialist when it comes to cooking meat.

If you are too shy to order your food whenever you two are out, or pay, DO NOT WORRY, SHE LITERALLY IS YOUR SAVIOR, NO KIDDING. This woman gives no fucks at all, too shy to order? She’ll do it, hot your order wrong? She’ll go up and tell them.

Have I mentioned she gets up at 5AM just to do pushups?…

The type to randomly smack or grab your ass, she doesn’t care about the size.

I don’t recommend watching romance movies with her… she will cringe at any kissing scenes acting like she wouldn’t or doesn’t do that with you 24/7.

Not the best at dancing… Girl is STIFF.

I have the feeling she is the type to not admit that she is in pain during her period. She will act all tough and all until she can’t anymore.

(We need more comforting the ptn women on their period instead of the other way around, they also need comfort 😔)

Oh yeah did I also mention she was close to breaking your phone once? It all happened when you were scrolling through TikTok and saw a thirst trap (*cough* Rhea Ripley *cough*) and when I tell you grabbed your phone and threw it… IT HAPPENED.

Says she hates kids but has a soft spot for them actually. They remind her of Horo when she was wayyy younger.

Randomly sends you weird TikToks…. Like it’s so random and she says nothing about it.

She isn’t a fan of dresses, but she once tried it for you and it was a sight. It hugged her curves right and she kept flexing her muscles. If you take any pictures she seriously will kill you. (Especially if you send them to her friends).

If you are out she WILL text and call you every 36 minutes if she can’t come with you. And if she is too busy to pick you up she will face time you on your way home.

Has like so many posters of her favorite bands, korn, kiss, Deftones, ect.

Randomly gives you kisses when you least expect it. They are so random, you could be distracted and she will kiss your cheek, or your forehead, or the top of your head.

If she sees anyone eyeing you while in public she will pull you close and give the person a nasty look.

[lovetaroandtaemin]

NSFW Alphabet: Nakamoto Yuta

MINORS DNI!!!!!

Warnings: Mention of creampies, marking (in a way), cum play, voyeurism/exhibitionism, cucking, dom/sub dynamics, little bit of brat taming, use of the title "sir," mentions of pegging and anal play, mentions of toys being used but no specifics, slight mommy kink.

A/N: I haven't done an NSFW Alphabet before, so please let me know what you think! If there's a specific idol you'd like to see, feel free to send a request via asks or dms!

List is under the cut.

A - Aftercare

(What they're like after sex)

After sex, he’s one of the sweetest people ever. He does anything you ask and is happy to take care of you however you need. The most important part of aftercare for him is making sure that everyone involved feels safe, loved, and relaxed at the end. One of the ways that he relaxes is making sure that you're taken care of.

B - Boobs or Ass

(Are they a boobs man or an ass man?)

I don’t really think he has a preference. His answer just tends to be whatever he’s thinking about in that moment. If he just finished fucking you from behind, his answer is that he prefers your ass. If he just finished fucking you in a position where he can see your chest, his answer is that he prefers your boobs.

C - Cum

(Anything to do with cum)

I think that he would like when you let him cum on you because it’s just another way of claiming you as his. He isn’t entirely against finishing inside, but something about seeing you covered in cum when you’re done having sex just drives him crazy.

D - Dirty Secret

(Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He sometimes fantasizes about watching you fuck one of the other members of the group. He would never tell you that since he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but it’s definitely one of his top fantasies.

E - Experience

(How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

He seems like the type to view sex as a very emotional act, and I don’t think that he’d be into having a lot of casual sex, so I don’t think he’d have a ton of experience in terms of different partners. However, because he views sex as something so intimate and emotional, he gives everything he has in the bedroom. That combined with the fact that he seems like a fast learner makes me think he definitely knows what he’s doing.

F - Favorite Position

(What's their favorite sex position?)

I think his favorite position is definitely doggy style. Every time he gets the opportunity to fuck you from behind he takes it. My best guess as to why would be that it makes him feel more like he’s in control, which he likes in the bedroom.

G - Goofy

(Are they more serious in the moment, or are they more silly, etc)

I think that for the most part, he would be on the more serious side in bed. He has his silly moments for sure, but overall, he takes himself so seriously.

H - Hair

(How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I honestly doubt that he would be completely clean-shaven, but I know for damn sure that his hair is well-trimmed and honestly kinda nice to look at.

I - Intimacy

(How are they in the moment, romantic aspect)

Let me tell you something. I have never been surer of anything I’ve written on this blog than I am of the fact that you would NEVER feel unloved or unwanted during sex with Yuta. Sure, he tends to get rough sometimes, but I think the main reason for that would be the fact that he gets so lost in the way he feels when he’s with you. He loves you, and he makes damn sure that you know it, no matter what the two of you are doing.

J - Jack Off

(Masturbation headcanon)

Does it at least once every day that he’s away from you. Sometimes he calls you to help, sometimes he just relies on memories of the two of you. Either way, it still doesn’t really satisfy him. The only thing that does is getting to feel you when he comes home.

K - Kink

(One or more of their kinks)

Ok so I considered adding this to my “NCT 127: Dom or Sub and Their Top Kinks” post, but I didn’t because there was other stuff I wanted to include. I think that Yuta really loves being with a bratty sub. Sure, he appreciates a sub that’s well-behaved, but something about somebody that can match his energy and keeps him on his toes really gets him going.

L - Location

(Favorite place to have sex)

Most of the time, I think that he’d prefer having sex in your bed. It’s comfortable, it’s private, and everything that you would typically use during your bedroom activities is easily accessible. When you get extra needy, though? He absolutely LOVES bending you over the arm of your couch and fucking you until you can hardly move. Something about seeing you so desperate and impatient you can’t even wait to get to the bedroom drives him crazy.

M - Motivation

(What turns them on?)

One of his biggest turn-ons is seeing you all needy and desperate, all because of him. He adores knowing that you want him just as bad as he wants you, and I feel like all you would need to do to get him in the mood is bat your eyes and call him “sir.”

N - No

(Something they won't do)

There is no way in hell you could ever convince me that this man would be down for pegging or any kind of anal play where he's on the receiving end. In my brain they just do not go together.

O - Oral

(Preference in giving or recieving, skill, etc.)

I think that he would prefer receiving head, but I also think that he does enjoy giving head. In terms of skill, he definitely knows what he’s doing, but there’s also probably some room for improvement. I also have a strong feeling that he LOVES it when you swallow.

P - Pace

(Are they fast and rough, slow and sensual, etc.)

Honestly, I think that the pace would depend on his mood and how desperate he is. If it’s been a long time since the two of you had sex, or if you’re acting like a brat, he can hardly contain himself. If the two of you are having sex on a special occasion, like a birthday or anniversary, he makes a conscious effort to be as romantic as possible.

Q - Quickie

(Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Oh, this man LOVES a quickie. There have been more instances than he’d care to count where he just had to have you even though you were on a time limit. In a way, it makes the sex more exciting for him. Don’t misinterpret what I’m saying, though. He also loves the times that he gets to just take his time with you.

R - Risk

(Is he down to experiment, does he take risks, etc.)

I think that he’s DEFINITELY down to experiment. He loves trying new things, especially when he learns new things about himself and what he likes in the process. Taking risks is one of the most interesting parts of sex for him, I think.

S - Stamina

(How many rounds can he go for, how long does he last)

It really depends on his energy levels and how much he had to do on a given day. If the two of you are just having a “lazy day” at home, you are not leaving the bed. If he had a long day at work, he might only want one round or not want to have sex at all. When it comes to how long he lasts, I think that would depend on how worked up he is. If you tease him more beforehand or the foreplay goes on for a long time, he might not last as long. He never gives you a reason to complain, though.

T - Toys

(Do they own toys, do they use them, on a partner or on themselves)

I truly think that he would view toys more as an assistant than a competitor. He LOVES using them on you, mostly because of how much you squirm when he does. That being said, I think he would also enjoy it when you used toys on him. I don’t think they’d be used every time the two of you have sex, but I do think that he likes toys.

U - Unfair

(How much they like to tease)

Teasing you is one of his favorite pastimes. He loves watching you go from calm, cool, and collected to desperate and needy just because of him. He thinks it’s cute.

V - Volume

(How loud they are, what sounds they make)

I could go on for a while about this, but I’ll try to keep it brief. This man is VOCAL in the bedroom. Moans, groans, sometimes even screams. It is difficult for Yuta to stay quiet, to say the least.

W - Wild Card

(Random headcanon)

I feel like he wants you to call him “mommy” but is embarrassed about it.

X - X-Ray

(Let's see what's going on in those pants)

Honestly, I don’t think that he’d be huge down there. Don’t get me wrong, he definitely stretches you out, but I don’t think that it would be too big to take. Just right, if that makes sense.

Y - Yearning

(How high is their sex drive?)

Through the fucking roof. I really don’t think I need to say more here.

Z - Zzzzz

(How quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Refuses to let himself sleep until he’s completely sure that you’re ok. Once he knows that you’re ok, though, he falls asleep pretty much instantly.

Thank you so much for reading! I was a bit nervous to post this, honestly. Especially because I haven't really done an NSFW alphabet before. Any feedback on this is appreciated!

If you enjoyed reading, please like and reblog! If you wanna check out my other works, my masterlist is here. If you wanna see what I have in progress, my upcoming works list is here. If none of that catches your attention, or there's something else you wanna see (like another NSFW alphabet with a specific idol!), feel free to send a request via asks or dms!

Thank you again for reading this!

[hausofanya]

@USER0326581 JUST POSTED A NEW VIDEO …

CONTENT : candy salad relationship trauma dump with everyone’s favorite rich auntie in training! inspired by @bluwavez ofc! i honestly just wanted to jump in on the trend before it fizzles out… lmao. warnings include violence, scamming, manipulation, breaking and entering, and seok dowon being the most despicable person on the planet. lmk if there’s anything i missed. enjoy!

the video opens up to a little bit of a shaky start—the woman on screen fixing her camera to be help up right. cléo hesitates for a moment before offering the camera a smile, bringing a clear bowl in view before shaking it with faux enthusiasm.

“doing this trend because i saw it going around,” she starts as she places the bowl down, crossing her arms behind it. “my manager won’t let me outside so i’m doing this in place of therapy. crazy right? it’s been so long but i’ve still got nightmares about it. but anyway.”

holding up a bag of sour patch kids watermelon, she begins to share. “in 2020, i was introduced to seok dowon by a mutual friend at a party. we talked nearly the whole night if i remember correctly, and admittedly i was hooked from the first moment. he was charming. pretty face, pretty smile, but gave me his undivided attention. it was.. intoxicating.”

cléo rolls her eyes before continuing. “he asked me out a few weeks later and i said yes. snuck out from my dorm, met up with him at a shitty restaurant, and despite being a rising b-list actor, made me pay for my meal.” she snorts, adding, “not that i minded. but when soompi is telling the masses you made millions off your recent film, the least you could do was pay for a meal.”

“long story short, the reason why he didn’t pay is because he owed the owner’s son money. they found out he was there and nearly got his ass beat. not exactly the best first date, hm?” cléo dumps the candy in the bowl, shaking her head. “first red flag!”

“as i’m thinking hard on it, i think he definitely love-bombed me. he would spoil me for days and then ghost me for weeks on end. only being sweet on me if he needed something and then leaving me high and dry when he got what he wanted.” pursing her lips, she sighs before shaking her head. “there was this one incident on my birthday where we’d argue a week before and i was hoping to be cordial for at least those specific 24 hours. but he embarrassed me by standing up and loudly telling everyone that i was pressuring him for sex despite him ‘wanting to wait until we got married’.”

an incredulous laugh leaves her as she remembers the moment, continuing to giggle as she holds up a bag of air head xtremes. “it’s not funny, it really isn’t. it was terrible. and he did at my birthday dinner!”

“as we continued dating, we kept it on the low because netizens are crazy. you get crucified for breathing wrong in this industry. but somehow, every kpop news outlet in the world found out we were dating through a stalker fan who was madly in love with him. that’s how everything was put on blast back in 2021. and to add to the fucking injury, he paid for the photos to be released!” cléo sends a loaded look to the camera as she pulls another bag of candy in view. “blue raspberry sour straws. my favorites!”

“naturally, the company shut down momentarily. cried my skin dry everyday. matching jewelry, sharing clothes, that and the sort. i’m unbearably sappy and a romantic at heart all to my detriment, i know.” holding up a bag of sour haribo gummy bears, she adds, “then a someone got a hold of my personal phone number and sent me death threats claiming to be his ex. if crazy people attract crazy people, what the hell does that say about me? i’m just trying to sing on stage, what the hell… she eventually threatened to leak my number and my family’s numbers if i didn’t publicly break up with him. to which honestly, get a life. if leaking numbers is your greatest achievement in life, you desperately need to invest that energy into a 9-5.”

she wordlessly dumps the bears into the bowl.

“as the hate campaign was growing and ‘the nation’s boyfriend’’s fans all wanted my head on a pike, his chats also get leaked! which would have been fine, chats get leaked all the time. except they weren’t, and it turns out he was scamming women on the down low while calling them cunts and whores and other despicable thing in the book. the ones about me went viral naturally, so i would like to formally introduce myself as ‘the world’s biggest easy-money slut’! amongst other spectacular and riveting reviews.”

shaking a bag of airhead bites into the bowl, she hums softly. “i think in total he scammed me for around a few thousand dollars. not a lot compared to other women, but you know.”

“mind you, as all this information is leaking left and right, he makes no move to contact me. pr is in flames, twitter is permanently deleted off my phone, and i’m about a month or so into my hiatus. deleted his contact, of course. moniqa and xavier made sure of it. and then a random number starts calling me everyday. texts start coming in asking for money. i knew it was him, deleted the contact. but it got so bad i considered changing my number.”

“then he breaks into my apartment!” cléo reveals the next candy with jazz hands, tearing open the bag of sour gummy worms with a thin smile. “i don’t know what i would have done if min and jinnie weren’t there. i don’t know what he would have done if no one was there. long story short, he tried to attack me and got thrown out of the apartment.” tossing the empty bag to the side, she adds with an air of faux amusement, “so now i can’t even relax until i’ve checked the door’s been deadbolted. how fun.”

pausing on a bag of regular sour patch kids, she lights up suddenly. “oh! i forgot to mention my private instagram was leaked. i’ve had that account since high school, i think. so my entire life was on there. nothing scandalous was found, but it was pretty embarrassing. that’s where they found the most evidence of our relationship. sue me for wanting to take pictures of what i thought was a loving relationship.”

“he releases an apology at the end of 2021 when other actors and women started speaking out against him. remember that one? blah blah blah i truly did love you, whatever whatever. and then when netizens rightfully put the flames under his ass, he tried to sue me for defamation. as if i’m the one who put everything on blast! the audacity of this fucking guy. sky high, i tell you.”

her expression softens for a moment, smiling down at the bowl. “at least i had my friends through it all. i thought them disliking him was overprotectiveness. turns out i need to have my prescription checked heavily.”

cléo snorts as she holds up her candy bowl filled with sour goods. “there’s a lot of stuff i’m omitting still. i know, i know. feel free to send hate to that guy for all i care. i hope he rots in deepest fiery bit of hell.”

setting the bowl down, she gives a cute wave to the camera. “i’m gonna go eat this and watch demon slayer now. bye!”

[officialtrashbin]

Ok ok ok ok ok wrap-up thoughts on the season now that the finale is out:

First of all, DEATHBIT DEATHBIT DEATHBIT

2) ok the subplot with Rogue and Magneto actually grew on me. Like, she’s rejected him ultimately but they still mattered to each other and they still do, it’s just not romantic from her side anymore. I can’t blame magneto for not getting over her rejection I’d never be able to take the psychic damage of losing Rogue

also yeah the age gap was a little weird but I’m living for the drama and the potential for their platonic friendship. I want to make a comment about how their stint is an example of unidentified trauma becoming trauma bonding but then I have to like…write it.

3) I actually think Roberto and Jubilee were super cute and have elected to give their storylines a pass. Like they’re just kids coming into adulthood and have found comfort in each other, that’s good enough for me for now. (Though I’d like to see more of comic-accurate Sunspot being adapted but I digress. It’s only been 1 season.)

Also I think Sunspot awkwardly hanging around the Xmen slowly coming to terms with his speedran adoption is the funniest basis for an arc and have no further comments. Might write a fic later on his Struggles.

4) KURT JOINING THE MOTHERFUCKIN SQUAD BABYYYY and literally just everything about him. Being so supportive of Rogue and holding her and encouraging Gambit and just 😭😭😭😭

5) PHOENIX JEAN PHOENIX JEAN I LOVED JEAN

6) cyclops was one of my least favs in the original, this show put so much respect back on his name. I actually adore him now—plus the scenes with him doting on his grown ass man child is hysterical. Need more of it. I need this guy telling people this Hulk Hogan of a unit is his lil boy.

If Nathan isn’t seen later at a baseball game with Scott in a Summer 01 jersey and the cyborg arm badly painted over I’m committing crimes.

7) I think Storm needed way more screen time. I know there were scenes with her written out due to budget issues (and also them skipping her goodbye to Gambit made me annoyed) but like. The fact that her centric arc was put across two episodes shared with other episodes was irritating.

7.5) In this same vein I missed Bishop, I got so attached!!!! but here’s to hoping he’s kicking ass again in s2!

8) the rate in which I fell in love with these characters all over again is insane. Like harder than the original show in a fraction of the time.

9) Rogue did nothing wrong. 😭

10) Magneto definitely wasn’t right, but it’s interesting to witness how they justified his view point with Genosha and Bastion, and the ripple effect it had on people who didn’t even agree with him in the first place.

11) Cherik lmfao they were SO gay. I’m all for affectionate besties and dudes being shown as having close platonic bonds but this was Very Affectionate Besties with Seductive Grin Bedroom Eyes Charles Every Two Sentences.

12) honestly want a version of this show though where Charles stayed gone. I actually like him! I just think not having him around to help guide everyone made things so much spicier. Magneto was StrugglingTM for Real

13) Gambit’s death was so good, but I definitely figured he’d be coming back somehow because there was no way they were offing him thinking Rogue didn’t choose him.

14) speaking of, I was mostly joking in my shitposts about Death Gambit cause I had my money on a possible Sentinel Gambit with Bastion’s introduction, but the moment they went to Egypt I started clawing up all my old shit posts.

15) ROGUE DID NOTHING WRONG (lots of wrong but you know what? I love her. She can commit wrongs again.)

16) Beast was so good but I also low key wish he had a bit more screen time. His bitterness after Genosha was short-lived, I wish it had been explored more, like Charles talking it out of him or something and reminding him about their goals or…something.

17) Bastion was awesome no notes, hope he comes back as a horseman for the flex

18) hot Magneto no notes

19) hot Apocalypse no notes

20) crop top Gambit no notes

21) “His name was Gambit! Remember it!” Rogue was so beast in this season, it was cathartic watching her beat the shit out of Bastion. Her and Sunspot honestly make for a cool combat duo and I want to see them interact more.

22) DEATH GAMBIT AAAAAAHHHHHG

23) ey yo hold up does this mean Leech and the Morlochs and the perished Genosha mutants are permanently dead??? 💀

24) Logan and Morph were definitely something this season and I adored it, I adored Morph especially. Like Morph really said I Love You even if it was as Jean, I take what I can get

26) Magneto ripping Wolverine’s skeleton out like homie wouldn’t try to kill him with a wooden chair if given the opportunity. If anything now Logan has 0 weaknesses and a personal vendetta he can act upon. Rest in pieces Erik.

27) A goddess, a gravely injured Canadian, and a metaphor for gender identity walk into a bar and all 3 say “ouch” (bad joke. You’re welcome. Don’t worry guys, Storm is there so their arc will be wrapped up in about 12 minutes. Sorry can you tell I’m still mildly salty about her lack of screen time)

28) Rogue launching Cap’s shield is 11/10. Do it again do it again (woulda been top tier humor if the end credits showed him still looking for it frantically as the asteroid got closer)

Mostly that’s all I got. I have various other thoughts including how fucking HYPE seeing my fav duo Cloak and Dagger made me, but these were the key personal takeaways.

[cgsf]

Men's Hockey (RPF) fanfiction recs:

Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk [Part 2]

"wondering how many times can a heart melt" 🔒 (E) by slowboat | 2,551 | Wet lips parted, neck pink from beard burn. Head thrown back into the pillow but still watching Leon from under half-closed lids like Leon’s the Second Coming of Christ, like it’s detrimental for Matthew to keep his eyes on him, like he, too, is desperately trying to commit the view to memory.

"wrong when it's right" 🔒 (E) by daisysusan | 8,172 | Leon is drunk. Which—glancing around the locker room—plenty of guys aren’t sober, and for that matter Matthew isn’t either, but Leon is among the drunkest. Maybe the drunkest. Not sloppy, really, but it’s obvious in his loose movements and the way he smiles. And to think, Matthew thought he was going to forget how much he knew about Leon’s body.

"linger" 🔒 (E) by bropunzeling | 71,255 | Matthew doesn’t fuck people who hate him, and he doesn’t fuck hockey players, and he doesn’t fuck alphas. He definitely doesn't fuck alphas when he's in heat. Except for, apparently, Leon Draisaitl.

"punch-drunk" 🔒 (E) by isozym | 3,142 | “Maybe I have a big secret crush on you,” Matthew says with a smile. “On pace for a hundred and forty points, so hot.” “Bullshit,” Leon snorts. His hand drops lower and squeezes Matthew’s ass. “You got me,” Matthew says. “I looked at you and figured your dick was big and uncut and would fit good in the back of my throat.”

"press my head between your shoulder blades" 🔒 (E) by puckthisshift | 13,559 | Leon brings a boy home to Mallorca with him. It was supposed to be some cross between a sexcation and a romantic getaway. Somehow, it turns out better. And more embarrassing for... mostly for Leon.

"Stud" 🔒 (E) by the_pole_position | 959 | "What the fuck?" Brady said, looking over at him in concern. Then, once he spotted Matthew's flaming cheeks, suspicion. "What did you do." It wasn't even a question that he'd done something, which was fair.

"dim the lights and think of you" 🔒 (E) by allthatsings | 2,039 | “Come home with me.” “What?” It’s warmups and Matthew Tkachuk is leering at Leon from the other side of the red line.

"the first law of motion" 🔒 (E) by bropunzeling | 5,568 | Matthew finishes brushing his teeth and spits in the sink. From this close, he smells like sweat, sex, the mint of his toothpaste. “I’m gonna shower too,” he says, reaching for the waistband of the basketball shorts he put on just to come in here, like Leon wasn’t riding his cock half an hour ago. “You staying?” It’s a rhetorical question. Even so, Leon wonders what would happen if he gave the wrong answer.

"your temporary touch" 🔒 (E) by bropunzeling | 5,462 | Leon didn't even want to go to Florida.

"contact high" 🔒 (E) by bropunzeling | 10,065 | So, something is wrong with him. Obviously. Leon’s never heard of anything like this, of feeling overheated and overwhelmed and out of control over your own body. Matthew touching him seems to fix it, though. If Leon were in his right mind, he’d hate that.

"Odour" 🔒 (E) by CoffeeHound91 | 32,201 | Matthew is a Null. He thinks that makes him nothing. Leon disagrees.

"i don't speak german but i can if you like" 🔒 (E) by wheelsnipecellysboys | 3,355 | “Ich spreche kein Englisch, du trottel.” “Woah,” Matthew says unintelligently, putting his hands up in surrender. “Holy shit, what is that? German? Swedish? Fuck.” He slides his martini glass away and grabs the one that this man had bought him, fingers picking at the olives again. “That’s hot.”

"Crowd Pleaser" 🔒 (E) by Helenish | 3,662 | “Best you ever had,” Matthew said once, because he was a dick.

"Wildcard" 🔒 (E) by wearemany | 21,124 | “Anything this guy wants,” he yells, tilting his head towards Draisaitl, “I’m buying.”

"roughed up in the afterglow" 🔒 (E) by notthequiettype | 5,553 | "Fuck," Matthew says, and laughs again, a dry nothing of a sound. "Why is this so awkward?" "I don't know," Leon says, and lets his shoulders drop, shoves his knuckle into his eye. "Jesus."

"follow you down" 🔒 (M) by foundfamily | 11,739 | “Who’s looking after you?” Leon bristles. “Nobody. I’m a grown man.” “I could come out for a few days.” Leon waits for the punchline, sure he must be joking, but Matthew stays quiet, lets the offer linger.

"static" 🔒 (E) by bropunzeling | 1,392 | It all happens on autopilot: punching in an address into Uber, sliding into a backseat, walking over a threshold. One minute he was on the ice, watching the puck go into an empty net as Matthew yanked on his stick, holding him back; the next he was here, standing in Matthew’s bedroom, goosebumps dotting his skin. Even in Florida, he's cold.

"pull me closer (we ain't ever getting older)" 🔒 (E) by ohtempora | 11,503 | Here's what Leon knows about Matthew Tkachuk: He's annoying to play against, especially for a freshman. Especially for a true freshman. He got in a shoving match in an exhibition game against Acadia. He's top on his team in points, and he's going to be a top-ten pick in the upcoming draft. Doesn’t help that he plays for Leon’s biggest rival. His name is getting thrown around for Hobey contention, and Leon can’t take some freshman winning the award he's wanted two years running.

"push-pull" 🔒 (E) by bropunzeling | 2,765 | Matthew can’t help glancing at Leon’s thumb, at the path it's tracing as it dips under the hem of his sleeve. It’s a casually possessive gesture, staking out a square inch of territory. It puts him in mind of two months ago, when they were sitting on the couch at Leon’s place, drinking the beers Leon offered before they got down to the reason Matthew was there; Leon’s arm had draped over the back of the couch, his fingers resting in the notch of Matthew’s shoulder in a way they had never done before, and Matthew had sat there, fist choking the neck of his beer bottle as he tried not to go crazy from wanting to pull away from it. From wanting more of it.

"Bad Habit" 🔒 (M) by ClaraxBarton | 2,295 | Matthew was angry, horny and lonely. Not a great combination in his hometown, during an event that threw an even bigger spotlight on him than usual in a town that was absolutely a hockey town, no matter what people wanted to say. So, his usual go-to for getting rid of the angry, horny, lonely feelings - hooking up with a stranger - was problematic in a lot of ways. Not the least of which was finding the time between all of the everything he had to do.

"Bloodletting" 🔒 (M) by Helenish | 3,781 | They’d been happy. They’d won a lot of hockey games together.

"make this bed get squeaky" 🔒 (E) by puckthisshift | 8,674 | The Oilers win their series against the Flames and Leon feels like he deserves a reward. Showing up at Tkachuk’s house for a booty call feels like the natural next step.

"Opposite of Nothing" (E) by angry_geno_is_score | 10,393 | “Hey,” Tkachuk calls across the red line during warm-ups, the night before the first of three exhibition games Calgary and Edmonton will play against each other in the next couple weeks. “Wanna fuck?” Leon knew he was asking for it by skating so close to the Calgary side of the ice. “What?” he demands, ice spraying as he skids to a stop so he can turn to face Tkachuk fully.

"call it what you want" 🔒 (M) by fannyann | 13,034 | When Matthew sees the photos, he laughs about the timing until he cries. It’s the morning the Oilers are set to play the Blues and he should probably be angry or panicked or appalled that someone would violate their privacy like this. But mostly, Matthew’s just disappointed he couldn’t even be outed with a guy who kept his word.

"lift your hearts to the horizon" 🔒 (M) by puckthisshift | 14,583 | In which Matthew slut-shames Leon’s wandering heart, Leon makes declarations like the romance novel hero he is, and we ignore the rules of physics in favor of magic.

"broken glass" 🔒 (E) by dilangley | 13,794 | “So it’s going to be like that,” Leon said, a statement, not a question. He had thought otherwise; after all, the ranks of wolves in professional hockey was small, a brotherhood spanning across organizations in allegiance deeper than team colors. “I can’t make exceptions. Not even for Leon Draisaitl.”

"cartography of light and undead" 🔒 (M) by lighthousetowers | 22,582 | Two consenting adult vampires beat each other up in a St. Louis back alley, until they don't. This? Is a love story.

"malt" 🔒 (E) by unsay | 4,044 | "It's nice to meet you. I have heard many good things,” Barkov says, diplomatically, while they both try to pretend that his closest acquaintance with Leon to date hasn’t been by way of the scratches down Matthew’s back.

"last dress rehearsal" 🔒 (E) by unsay | 3,257 | “Nah, c’mon, I think it’s cute,” Matthew says. Leon feels the back of his neck go hot. “You’re, like, really trying to get yourself wifed up here.”

"better than before" 🔒 (E) by bropunzeling | 4,704 | "Well,” Matthew says, once he can get his breath back. “That was alright.” Next to him, the sheets rustle. Matthew turns his head to the side and watches Leon push himself up on one elbow. There’s a wrinkle right between his eyebrows. “Alright,” he repeats slowly.

"feeling all hell" 🔒 (M) by litaf1101 | 7,405 | Leon and Matthew are doing a terrible job at being exes.

"never get far" 🔒 (E) by ohtempora | 4,110 | After the Flames get bounced from the playoffs, Matthew gets off the ice, gets about twenty minutes to be pissed off in the locker room, grits his way through his media availability, and gets the call. When Draisaitl walks into the room, Matthew honestly doesn't know which one of them is more surprised.

"plans in a warmer town" 🔒 (M) by ohtempora | 2,057 | When you consider how strongly the odds were stacked against them, Matthew has no idea how they pulled this off.

"brakeless" 🔒 (E) by ohtempora | 8,117 | Whatever is linking them together—biology or lust or something bigger, something Matthew can’t begin to understand—falls into place. Matthew says, “This isn’t supposed to happen.”

"catch me, I'm falling" 🔒 (E) by puckthisshift | 9,852 | Matthew wakes up alone and confused the morning after saying Red to his one-night stand. He’s planning on going right to Biosteel Camp, but someone demands to take care of him.

"rough dream?" 🔒 (M) by reticent | 7,248 | “Would you believe me if I said I was in, like, a Groundhog Day kind of situation?” Matthew sounds strangely serious. Which Leon doesn’t really understand, because Matthew’s not stupid, and: “Time loops don’t exist.”

"in from the cold" 🔒 (E) by yourblues | 4,654 | Matthew says, “Love what you’ve done with the place.” This is a joke. The joke is that Leon’s house in Edmonton looks exactly the same as it did the last time he was here, which was almost two years ago, when Matthew was still property of the Calgary Flames.

"one-off" 🔒 (E) by thelightwithout | 564 | so the thing is that, when it happens, it’s not really supposed to be anything.

"the sweetest dream would never do" 🔒 (E) by NoodleE | 1,255 | It’s not the first time a guy whose nose Matthew wants to break has shown up in a sex dream – not that Matthew wants to break his nose right now anyways. He’s enjoying this way too much.

°°°°°°

"act like I don't care what you did" 🔒 (E) by puckthisshift | 6,399 | Matthew had grabbed Draisaitl’s thigh mostly by accident, but he wasn’t going to let that asshole know about that. But after making some promises, he finagles a bid for the winner’s room so he can deliver. And then some. How else is a guy supposed to get an apology out of Draisaitl?

"barons" 🔒 (M) by dilangley | 42,768 | Matthew Tkachuk coaches Leon Draisaitl and Trevor Zegras for the NHL’s newest expansion.

More to be added.

[spicybylerpolls]

In response to the ‘what does age 14 look like?’ anon…

The fact that byler look older irl is definitely a reason that means I find it easier to imagine them in sexual situations. In fact, I would say this happened naturally when I saw the way their storyline was headed in s4. It was romantic already, but when I saw the duffers included: 

1. The blocking that makes it clear mike is checking out will’s ass and 

2. The hose scene

… I was like ok! green to go, this is what theyre doing. This was all subconscious though, until I came on Tumblr and actually started dissecting my viewing experience. 

I think the main issue with sexual byler in fan spaces is that there are some people who wrote highly sexual fics when the show was still in its infancy and byler did indeed look like children, and in which byler were NOT aged up. the issue here is that they were written to act in the way that no 12/13/14 year old would - I’m not even talking sexual discovery, but rather the pornification of young byler. These works were clearly gratuitous in tone rather than remedial or exploratory, so I’m sure it’s no surprise that to most average fans, these works were considered uncomfortable. 

What you said about ‘what does 14 look like anyway?’ is an interesting one, and the root of many judgemental issues in society that extend to age gaps between lovers even into their 40s and 50s. The key here is about behaviour and build, I think. Film is very visual, and though I could suspend my disbelief that byler in s4 were 14, it was more like I just ignored their ages because they didn’t seem to matter to the plot (RIP me when birthdaygate becomes real). Primarily, I was LOOKING at mike and will, and their bodies, and the acting - the way they moved and delivered certain lines - is what made me unable to ignore, subconsciously, that these guys were not 14 year olds. They were post-pubescent. 

That said, s3 was an odd one. So let’s quickly list what byler should look like if Finn and Noah matched Mike and Will’s ages irl.

S1 byler should look like S1 Finn, S2 Noah

S2 byler should look like S2 Finn, S3 Noah (already its feeling weird)

S3 byler should look like S2 Finn, S3 Noah

S4 byler should look like S2 Finn, S3 Noah

Already you can see we have some issues because Finn looks so young and his build is so different to Noah’s. The costume designers discussed this in s4�� it’s just a part of working with growing actors, and I personally believe that the duffers wrote the story to the actor’s abilities. Actually, they’ve said they do this, and I think it means that they up the ante to find a balance between what a fictional teen would actually do, and what the irl actors would look good doing. Finn was 18 playing mike in s4.. if he was still behaving like s2 mike, would it have been absurd? Was it an acting choice to make his delivery more mature? I especially think this is noticeable with MBB and eleven, who looks like a young woman in s4, especially with the final scene costume design. But then again, eleven is a unique character with a unique experience. 

Or maybe the directing and acting is just inconsistent. Maybe both. Who knows. Honestly, the duffers knew the perils of working with a young cast and so should have expected all the possible responses fans might have, including sexualisation. That isn’t to remove blame from (actually problematic) fans, but I do remember my main concern when watching in s1 being: man, I hope that these kid actors will be taken care of emotionally as they grow into adults. 

And I think that’s the rub in this debate - it’s that approach and the way the actors carry themselves when performing which lends itself to the emotional maturity of the characters. They were clearly children in the early seasons, and so sexualisation, then, just feels way off to me. After all, paedophilia is literally about adult attraction to undermatured, pre-pubescent bodies; its essentially considered unnatural and an error in the brain because you are seeing something that isn’t there; you are seeing a child’s body as though it is ready for sexual activity, and it’s not. That doesn’t happen until puberty physically. You dont need me to tell you that this is why teenagers are so horny as they go through the changes. But being emotionally ready? That gets complex. You could argue that’s also why people tell coming of age stories. Because it’s difficult and uncomfortable and INTERESTING. 

And it’s why the staunch line of a specific age itself, rather than bodily and emotional maturity, being the decider whether someone is an adult or not is so reductive. 

But, hey - we need structure and laws and guidelines otherwise everything gets too grey. So they decided 18 in the USA, but other ages elsewhere, and some people take that literally even when it’s inappropriate to do so, for example condemning their own needs. It’s all about whether you are hurting someone. Obviously, sexualising actual children is damaging to them, so it’s wrong. But exploring your sexuality when it appears in a healthy way is not damaging, and fantasy is hurting no one except, possibly, yourself. 

Tl;dr - yes people get attached to the actual imagery of byler, because tv is primarily audiovisual and this is who the characters *are* to lots of viewers. It’s also near impossible to age them up without thinking of the real life actors, which some people would consider crossing a boundary into rpf, even though this process is what casting directors, writers and creators in film need to do all the time. 

So my poll is a bit more specific, and about preference rather than censorship or whats ‘ok’. Please choose what best applies to you. 

I’m comfortable shipping byler sexually…

a. When byler are pre-pubescent and the actors were too (s1-2)

b. When byler are pre-pubescent but the actors were mid-pubescent (s3)

c. When byler are pubescent but the actors are post-pubescent (s4)

d. Once both byler and the actors are post-pubescent (s5 aged up)

e. Even if the characters are still 14-15 in s5, because I want to see their arc completed and if the duffers show it then it means it must be ok

f. No matter their age; theyre fictional and its not about the actors at all for me

g. Only when engaging with fan works, no matter their age, but only if sex is character exploration

h. Only when engaging with fan works, no matter their age, even if smut/pornographic

i. Only when engaging with fan works, post-pubescent, but only if sex is character exploration

j. Only when engaging with fan works, post-pubescent, even if smut/pornographic

k. I can’t picture aged-up byler without thinking of Finn + noah because we’ve never seen what aged up byler would actually look like 

Please note that the purpose of this blog is not to be creepy or to make anyone uncomfortable. That's why I created the #spicy byler tag (I will tag all polls with this). If you don't want to see this blog or anything related to it on your feed, please block that tag. Not everyone is comfortable with this sorta stuff, and that's okay.

[badnikbreaker]

some fun facts about my sonic —

raised tails more or less and has cared a lot about the little dude from the start, but also like...ugh, man, sonic’s still a little kid and he’s never really had family before, let alone somebody he’s supposed to be taking care of, and the kit slows him down SO much!!!  there’s definitely an adjustment period, and sonic’s kind of a bitch at the beginning.  still, whenever tails got too down on himself, sonic was always quick to turn it around and encourage the kid; even apologized a few times, which isn’t that common nowadays and was EXTRA not - common then!  and it says something that it never even occurred to sonic to abandon the little guy.  you can see a holdover of some of this energy with how they talk to each other even now; there’s soooo much brotherly love underscoring it, but also they’re total smart - asses to each other.  due to how hazy sonic’s childhood memories are, he doesn’t totally remember the fact that he was a brat to him as a kid.

doesn’t like bodies of water but does like the rain; he likes to stay in and read on rainy days, but you can also sometimes find him out on a run, and one of his favourite moments are when he’s on a run and there’s a surprise storm — it’s exhilarating and calming both, racing through the the rain around him!  if he slips, though, pretend you didn’t see it.

is dumb as hell about romance; this is admittedly at least partially amy’s fault.  sonic was a little bitch to her at the beginning, but also she was constantly disrespecting his boundaries and etc. and unfortunately that stuck, even once amy calmed down and sonic matured past his ‘ew girls’ phase.  (  to be clear, this isn’t me insulting either of them; they were kids!  kids make mistakes!  )  his view of romance is that it’s this crazy Other thing, wholly disconnected from friendship or ‘normal’ bonds.  friendship makes him freer!  he actually has had crushes on other people, he just doesn’t process them as being romantic in nature because that care for people had made him feel free and excited rather than cornered or boxed in the way he thinks romance would / the way amy made him feel as a kid.

even taking that into account, tho, it takes a lot for crushes, even assuming he Did have the emotional intelligence to process them as that, to bloom into actual romantic love.  he needs a really strong bond with you before he can develop anything beyond a dumb baby crush that’ll fade out on it’s own in no time.

he’s like kind of partially a little bit a deity at this point?  in the literal sense?  but like, don’t worry about.  please don’t ask him about it he doesn’t get it either and he really doesn’t want to

tails: why did you let eggman hit you with a missile sonic gesturing at his badly wounded chest: free top surgery tails, knowing he’s going to have to salvage this into something manageable: i hate you soooooo much

[toadsbitch]

Welp time to answer this with Tavara our resident dragon elf spore Druid doctor-

General

1. Tavara can be encountered right after the Nautiloid crashes, found dazed and wandering around while obsessively gripping at and covering the eye in which the tadpole entered behind.

2. Considering in my lore Dragon Elves aren’t common for a century or centuries at a time outside of the Pykiros Peninsula and Drakos Isles, I feel like a lot of folks would be confused as to what she even is? Wyll would question if she’s a monster, Karlach would be all over here wanting to ask a million questions, Lae’zel and Shadowheart and Minthara obviously hang back due to being distrusting of a new person who’s been talking about the mycelium like it’s normal, Halsin would be pleased to meet another Druid in the group, Gale asks for and is hesitantly and confusingly given a magical charm to chew on, and Astarion’s probably wondering if her blood is going to burn like Karlach’s (it doesn’t but it’s hotter than normal blood).

3. Not really? Unless it’s Halsin then she’s immediately like “.. What the hells type of breast milk were you fed? How does an elf get THIS big?!…. Oh, he’s a tree hugger.”

4. You can raise approval with Tavara by bringing her stolen books on medicine, herbs, MUSHROOMS, medical supplies, spicy food, and or modest black or dark teal clothing with gold embroidery (she’s a doctor, she’s often elbows deep in blood so she doesn’t want anything but her neck and head/face showing… Maybe her hands if she’s not busy)

5. If you try to kill her, kill Daella, or try to refuse to let her help someone who’s in need of a doctor/in a medical emergency. Doctors often have to act as an interface between life and death, saving peoples lives or making their deaths as peaceful as they can, so by trying to stop her from doing her sworn duties she will MOST DEFINITELY leave…

6. When you first recruit Tavara she’s alone, completely and utterly alone for the first time in her life. Coming from a sub species of elves which learned to domesticate and bond with giant wyverns means you have one from birth, a soul companion who you care for, trust, respect, and view as a sibling who you will go down with in battle, even if you are not injured it’s seen as the right thing to do and those who leave their wyvern to die alone are exiled. Later on during the fight for the tieflings, Tavara is cornered with only a small handheld sickle. When she expects to be attacked and killed in swoops the one being she’s been bonded to and glued at the hip with since birth, the one she’s kept referring to as Myvish (Draconic for Sister), a very spikey, dark in color, long necked wyvern with a head of black horns and copper eyes: Daella.

7. Not really? Need to think more.

8. Oh boy, if you tell her to stay at camp she just glances between PC and those they’re taking with them, back at PC, tilts her head down and cocks an eyebrow and goes “Are you positive…?”

If you ask her to go adventuring with you she’ll be quite enthusiastic to get some time to see if she can find any herbs and roots to restock, maybe gather and cut edible plants to make dinner cause she sure as shit isn’t letting Gale’s salt n pepper chef boyardee ass cooking ever again… Plus who knows, maybe she can get to turn someone into a fungal zombie for shits n giggles again 🤭

9. Oh she definitely doesn’t like Lae’zel and is intimidated by Halsin who’s built like a brick shithouse, she’s even a bit annoyed by Astarion at first but comes to love him (at first platonically then romantically speaking, they’re the camp’s overly sweet couple comprised of mature level headed but chaotic healer and her traumatized AF cocky chaotic shithead partner). She’s annoyed by Astarion being a diva and a brat at times but when she learns what he’s been through and had to do to survive she becomes softer and more patient with him :)

10. Daella. That’s it. What’s more interesting than a 70 foot black wyvern with a 150 foot wingspan, stinger tail, and acid flame spitting glands in her mouth? Maybe the fact Tavara and Daella seem to be able to gossip and exchange looks and know what the other needs before it’s said or implied? Everyone just fuckin wakes up to see Daella sitting like a cat loaf with Tavara sitting next to her spilling the juicy gossip she overheard while folks were drunk in Draconic and Daella literally appears so invested in it all

Baldur's Gate 3 Companion!Tav Ask List

What if your Tav was a recruitable companion, instead of the main character? (contains major spoilers for the game, and for some dark urge runs as well)

General

Where can your Tav be recruited?  Are they first encountered on the Nautiloid, or in the Nautiloid crash region?  Or are they not recruitable until a later act?

Do the other companions have special comments or reactions upon recruiting your Tav?

Does your Tav have any comments or advice when you recruit other companions?

What sort of general actions raise or lower their approval?

Are there any instances where your Tav can permanently leave the party, depending on player character actions?

Do they have any secrets that can be revealed?  What are the prerequisites for this secret coming to light?

Do they have their own personal quest that spans the course of the game?  Can it take different branching paths depending on the choices the Player Character makes?

What do they say when the Player Character asks them to stay in camp?  How about when the Player Character asks them to come adventuring again?

Does your Tav have any escalating conflicts with one of the other companions, like Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s knife-fight?

Are there any unique NPCs associated with your Tav that can show up during the course of the game?

Are there any moments in the game that trigger unique dialogue for your character? (Like Gale’s anecdote about the barfight after you save the goblin prisoner) 

Story Specific

How does your Tav advise the player character when it comes to the Dream Visitor?

How do they advise the player character on Raphael?

How do they react to Astarion biting the Player Character?

How do they react to the Player Character letting Abdirak whip them?

How do they react to the Player Character taking their first tadpole power?

Will they stay with the Player Character regardless of siding with the goblins or the tieflings, or is it possible for them to leave the party permanently?

What can they be found doing at the tiefling/goblin party?

Do they have comments on who the Player Character chooses to spend the night with? 

Do they have unique dialogue if the Player Character lets them die when they steal the Blood of Lathander?

How do they react if the PC licks the dead spider in the Gauntlet of Shar?

What do they say if the PC tries to force them to go up on stage with Dribbles the Clown?

Is it possible for your Tav to be kidnapped and replaced by Orin?  How is Orin's deception revealed?  How do they react to the PC rescuing them in the Temple of Bhaal?

How do they react to the PC either allowing Astarion to ascend or convincing him to spare the 7000 spawn?

How does Tav react to the PC becoming a mind flayer?  Can they offer to become one themselves?  Does their reaction change if they’re romanced? 

How do they react when the Dark Urge first reveals their amnesia and murderous thoughts to them?

How do they react to the Dark Urge killing Alfira?

If romanced, how do they react to the Dark Urge trying to kill them in Act 2?

Romance

Is your Tav a romanceable character?  Are there any specific requirements to romancing them?

Does your Tav need to be flirted with to start the romance, or will they approach the PC themselves if approval is high enough?

Are they a polyamorous or a monogamous option?

Do they have a special romance scene at the tiefling/goblin party?

Does the romance have different branching paths, or just one route to take?

How do they react to the player character breaking up with them, or choosing another character over them?

What questions can Zethino ask the PC about Tav in the Love Test? 

If they’re poly, do they have a reaction to the PC engaging in a relationship with Halsin?

How do they react if the PC has sex with Mizora? The Emperor?  Haarlep?

Will they join in with the PC and the Drow Twins, or no?

What are Tav’s plans for the future?  Do they propose to the PC, or is marriage not something they’re interested in?

Free space! Share anything from your companion!Tav au!

[themelancholyhill]

I see our negative thinking like parasites or viruses sometimes. They are so intent on winning that they forget if they win, they lose. I am glad to hear that this guy texted you and explained himself, it’s a definite green flag all the way! I hope you get to keep this connection for as long as it serves you. See? He backed off a bit (not “stopped talking to you”) because he needed some time and space to figure out why he felt he needed that distance. I do this all the time, with the hopes that the other person doesn’t take it personally. I think needing space and distance from someone is completely normal and healthy. It’s part of enforcing boundaries and boundaries are especially important if you want to maintain the integrity of a relationship. Someone enforcing their boundaries around you doesn’t mean they love you less, it actually means they love you a lot and that they want this connection to last. Love is not the only thing a relationship needs to thrive. You can love someone the deepest you have ever loved and it can still not work out. Most of the time, it’s due to boundaries not being properly enforced. If a person gets pissed off about you enforcing your boundaries, then that person isn’t supposed to be a permanent figure in your life. No one is worth us betraying ourselves for.

Another point I wanted to make is that, there are times my friends make bad jokes, and there are times i say things that are off-putting (I really do do this, it’s not just me being self-critical) but i don’t want to cut that friend off completely just because they said something i don’t agree with. These connections mean more to me than some words someone says on an off day. Even if we have conflicting views on things, it still doesn’t matter to me, unless that person gets preachy and disrespectful. And conversely, i’d feel terrible if a friend cut me off from their life from something i said flippantly one day, but i’d respect their wishes and let them go, i don’t want to have to tip toe around someone all the time. If they can’t forgive even the slightest transgression, it’s a sign that maybe we were never meant to be friends long term. So far, the only time i’ve consciously made a decision to cut someone out of my life was because my biggest boundaries were disrespected after repeatedly advocating for myself. This is a friend i loved and had to let go. I know my decision hurt her but without boundaries, the friendship isn’t in a good place to last long.

Any relationship, whether it’s platonic, familial, romantic, sexual, are going to be met with ruptures. That’s just how it goes when you want to connect with other humans, you’re bound to have friction in all interpersonal relationships. The friction doesn’t matter, what matters is the repair after the rupture. A lot of people think fighting is bad in a relationship, I disagree. From my recent experience, having a rupture and repairing that rupture actually brought me and the other person closer together than before. It strengthened our relationship exponentially. It’s made me realize just how much i mean to this other person, and them me. So him explaining himself to you so candidly after respecting his own boundaries of needing to take some time away from you to understand why his intuition told him he needed space, is once again, just a big ass green flag waving proudly in the wind! I hope that as you continue your connection with him, you’ll come to be more gentle with yourself and not blame yourself for every reaction he has towards you. That kind of thinking verges on emotional manipulation. You can’t control how he reacts to you, you can’t and you shouldn’t, he’s entitled to his opinions. This is loving unconditionally, to love someone without expectations or reward.

As for summer, i have no plans. I’m very boring when it comes to that. My daughter will be out of school and i’ll be working, same goes for my husband. Taking trips sound nice in theory but i’m too lazy to plan anything on this short notice and i have quite a lot of work to do on myself internally. But if i’m daydreaming, i’d love a trip to the UK. I wouldn’t spend too much time in London though, i’d want to see the countryside, the cliffs of Dover, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, all that. I’d mostly visit museums and art galleries, pubs to people watch, maybe go to a live theatre show, talk to the locals and enjoy making connections that are meant to be temporary but no less significant.

You? What are you doing for summer? I recently watched a French film called “Night of the 12th” (“La Nuit du 12”) in my city and i was so enthralled afterwards that i almost got a ticket for my expired parking space but i didn’t, haha! It premiered in Europe last year but it only made its way here in North America now. This film is on my mind a lot, i can’t stop thinking about it. I love it when art does that! I highly recommend it if you have the time and interest.

I hope your day is as gentle with you as your finger on a flower’s petal.

V✖️

Here’s to the hopes that we’ll be able to tame our overthinking tendencies. Being less confrontational by taking a step back to regain composure is important to do and understand. Setting boundaries is like following a guideline that helps preserving any given relationship and it’s also used to test if the latter will last or is worth investing time and effort in. I read somewhere that disagreeing with someone contributes to the relationship; as a people’s pleaser myself, I’m working on this.

Besides, how chaotic and toxic would a friendship (or any relationship) be if it had no boundaries whatsoever? It’d be like an endless cycle of forgiving and forgetting. To me (someone who’s never been in a relationship, except for family or friends), I see fighting as a contributing factor as long as those who are concerned learn from their mistakes. I don’t know, it creates a safe space for everyone, like, no matter what happens, there’ll always be a sense of security and comfort with that person (people) despite inconveniences.

Our emotions get the best of us at the start of any relationship because we base our judgement on other people’s experiences before getting to know the person we’re dealing with; but that’s just how I see it.

Your plans for the summer are absolutely lovely; as a hopeless romantic, I approve wholeheartedly. I don’t have a clear plan either, mostly staying at home and chilling. I will spend my days reading, watching movies, maybe painting and writing. Next year, I’m majoring in literature and history and for now I’ll essentially relax and consume different media since I don’t I’ll get to do that once I uni starts.

The movie you mentioned sounds intriguing and I’ll add it to my watch list. I’ve been getting into watching silent movies since last year, and the recent one I watched that amazed me is: Faust (1926). It’s based on the Goethe version, but what’s impressive about it is the cinematography.

I’ve just watched Incendies (Fires) which was released in 2010. It’s the story of twins from Canada who travel to Palestine to uncover their family history and fulfill their mother’s wishes. The plot keeps you engaged the whole time and the plot twists are just amazing. It’s like a puzzle but it doesn’t feel like one and the way everything is resolved in the end is so satisfactory. It also touches on sensitive topics but without being exploitative, which I appreciate a lot.

“I hope your day is as gentle with you as your finger on a flower’s petal.” How can I possibly top this one off??!! But I truly hope that your day has been as gentle and thoughtful as your words.

[octopusoptimusprime]

why mike wheeler is autistic

by me, your friendly neighbourhood autistic :)

overexaggerated facial expressions

we might be starting off with what seems like a bit of a reach here, but hear me out

mike doesn’t show emotion visually on his face a lot (also an autistic trait) but when he does it’s usually over-the-top and there’s other people around

the way he looks at el in the ‘i dump your ass’ scene - looks to me like he’s playing up the disgust/confusion/anger face because lucas/max can see him. (i also think the fact that it’s not really clear what emotion he’s trying to show proves my point)

‘what about us?’ in rink o’ mania - when he turns around you can see him look genuinely blank/blindsided by will’s comment (this also has romantic/byler implications) but then he arranges his face in a mask of anger

taking things literally

this is mostly just a bullet point solely for the ‘so i should get her something that literally says ‘i’m sorry’ on it?’ scene from s3. because i think that from what lucas said, a nt person would understand what he meant, and an autistic person is more likely to assume the literal meaning, as mike does here

copying others’ examples of ‘normal’ in terms of life/relationships

ohhh i could talk about this one for ages. so much proof on why milkvan is so incompatible lies here too.

so the way mike views his relationship with el is very performative. it’s very putting on a show of normalcy. the fact that the only thing they do together is make out because that’s mike’s perception of how to show people they’re happy together. and it clearly must be mike’s perception, because what opinions would el have on situations like that? the way they make a big show of leaving the party in 0301 to do this also proves it’s mostly for show.

when lucas comments on this when they go to the cinema together, mike defends himself, calling it ‘romantic’, when both hopper and the party can tell there’s something distinctly abnormal about their relationship. that’s because it has very little substance. mike and el don’t actually know very much about each other, which is why mike had such a hard time picking out a gift for her at the mall. but mike thinks that their relationship is normal, and is healthy, because he’s trying to replicate the relationships around him, but he doesn’t have a very good basis for this as he is most likely going off of stancy and his parents, because he sees very little of jancy together, and lumax (arguably the best canon couple in the show) call him out on his relationship’s unhealthiness.

autistic people tend to have a hard time in relationships, because it’s difficult to tell between genuine attraction/a healthy relationship and performative but toxic relationships. speaking from experience, i understand mike completely here. but he also craves stability, which is why in s4 he fights to keep that stability that he has in el, even though he knows now it isn’t right. we accept the love we think we deserve, and autistic people (in my experience) will put up with a lot of toxic and harmful behaviour/situations in order to keep a stable relationship, because we expect people to leave us if we aren’t directly benefitting them. i struggle with this a lot, which is why mike’s storyline in s4 really resonated with me.

difficulty with emotional regulation

with mike, he either has zero emotion or a lot of it, and this kind of ties into the next point, but difficulty controlling emotions is definitely a mike trait. sometimes he is very monotone/blank and can come across rude. a prime example being the dinner scene after rink o’ mania, where mike says ‘she didn’t look fine’ and el storms out.

of course, the opposite of this is when too much emotion comes out at once, usually manifesting in anger for mike (and me too). the rain fight in s3 i think is actually a great example of this, because to me mike has spent a good amount of time masking around lucas, talking about the girls and pretending to be disinterested in dnd - because of lumax’s relationship, i think mike felt a lot of pressure to act the same way as lucas and change his interests here. i don’t think mike intended to hurt will’s feelings, and i think he genuinely didn’t realise that he was. and then the rain fight happens, and to me it looks like mike is so exhausted from masking, and so confused and scared by will’s reaction and having upset him, that this manifests in anger and frustration which is most likely at himself rather than will. he is just projecting the anger he feels at himself (for hurting will and for having to ‘pretend’/not having the same interests as lucas)

i also think the rink o’ mania fight shows this, because it’s the same principle - mike is frustrated with himself for not being the ‘perfect’ boyfriend/not caring about el as much as he should’ve, and this manifests as anger at will (again). i think will is the only person that mike doesn’t really mask around (the ‘will voice’!!), but unfortunately will is also the person he takes his frustration out on when he gets overwhelmed. seeing as this wasn’t the case in s1/2 (because it came out at other people then - lucas/el in s1, hopper in s2) but now that mike is aware of his feelings for will (yes, i do think he knows about how he feels, but he doesn’t think it’s reciprocated & uses it as another reason to hate himself) he outwardly blames will for his relationship problems even though he inwardly knows it’s his fault (& he feels horrible about that too. because there’s no reason why he doesn’t love el the way she wants him to. the way he wants himself to. he just can’t. and he feels like that’s just another thing about him that’s wrong.)

suppression of emotions/masking feelings

so like i said, this is kind of similar to the last point, but it’s mostly just that we barely get to see any emotion from mike other than anger. there are multiple times throughout the show (but especially in s4) where he’s shown to almost smile and then quickly mask it. he’s hyper-aware of how he ‘should’ react in situations. this is just a pretty autistic trait in general, the overanalysing/trying to predict situations in order to act ‘right’.

echolalia/repetition

so this is a verbal stim, and because mike isn’t shown physically stimming (to my knowledge) i think the way that he often repeats words or phrases is his way of stimming. (& not to be depressing, but since it was the 80s any physical stims had probably been ‘disciplined’ out of him).

saviour complex (cue the pheobe bridgers)

i sort of mentioned this earlier, but it’s basically that autistic people have a hard time with self-worth, and the most common way we allow ourselves some self-appreciation is by serving other people. the ‘i can fix them’ mentality is quite common among autistic people, and this is a huge part of mike’s personality. his driving motivation throughout s1 and s2 is ‘saving’ will, along with protecting el and teaching her about the world. (i do think that the reason mike and el connected so quickly and had a sort of mutual understanding was because i also think el is autistic - & this is also why platonic elmike as a dynamic has so much potential and i like them a lot). this ‘fixing’/‘saving’ mentality is a way for mike to prove his own self-worth, that if he can ‘fix’ everyone else maybe he’ll be worth ‘fixing’ too. (i put ‘fixing’ in quotes because obviously there’s nothing wrong with mike. at all. he just believes there is.)

-

(i do also want to add that his talent/academic ability also shows this, as ‘gifted kid syndrome’ is a very popular autistic situation/trait)

(also i think his special interest is dnd which is why it hurt him so much in s3 to have to mask that, and why in s4 he’s so happy about playing again. just watch the hellfire recruitment scene and tell me his little ‘it has 20 sides!’ isn’t the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. <3)

okay, that’s all i have for now! please add onto this with anything else you’ve noticed or anything like that! i love you guys and i love mike wheeler a lot so thanks for reading if you made it this far lol <3

edits:

very black&white sense of justice

another ‘taking things literally’ moment being at the end of s3 when lucas says to mike ‘that’s the olive branch’ and he js goes. huh???

autism dinosaur hands!!

@biigiiiii pointed out that he does have other physical stims like blinking/nodding/playing with his bag straps/pacing <3

his attachment to his toys in s1/2 (playing with el and when karen asks him to give them away he gets Very upset)

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or ��triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig

[stardustdiiving]

I FELL ASLEEP BUT IM BACK. ok so the first thing about the chilumi yuri vision is…while obviously of course I think Childe’s sexuality is based less on appearance or gender and far more on how much he wants to fight someone in hand to hand combat as a form of quality time, and therefore a part of it is him going “wow I love the kind of woman that can kick my ass” about Lumine that some ppl do…but also I have elaborations on this

I think Lumine works for Childe because if he reaaaaally wants to fight her and is like “pleeeaaase Traveler i havent seen you in forever and want to catch up with you on what my siblings are up to over a friendly spar, i’ll even forgo using a weapon and/or tie a hand behind my back so I’m at a disadvantage if that would be more fun (I would definitely find it more fun). Pleaaaaaseee?”, Lumine is down to fight him. So they do, and at some point after said recreational sparring session they both got really into, Childe is like sprawled out on the ground with a bloody nose looking very emotionally enriched by this experience, and looks over to Lumine (who also has a bloody nose and is brushing the dust off herself while chilling) and is like “heyyyy Traveler. Question” and Lumine is like “yeah”, so Childe is like “do you think that I could be a #girl to you”

And Lumine, who is very used to having to pause to process Childe saying peculiar things especially about himself and his own self image, is like “please elaborate”, to which Childe goes on a tangent explaining he doesn’t exactly mind being viewed as a guy or a girl per-say because his ultimate ideal gender is A Well Crafted and Cool Looking Weapon, Lumine’s Cool Gender has given him much to think about, and you know he would personally love to be girl best friends with someone

The key factor here is Lumine is actually hilariously not unfamiliar with accidentally causing Sapphic Awakenings in other genshin characters, because sometimes said awakenings come less in the form of “oh girls are pretty” and more-so seeing a lesbian with cool gender (in this case Lumine) and being like wow 1) I am gay 2) I want whatever she has going on gender wise here so bad it’s unreal. Usually when I say this people think it exclusively applies to the women in thr genshin cast, but no…..you arent gender impacting hard enough. Childe is also included here. If you are me you will understand perfectly. He’s like if a weapon was either a man or a woman. He’s like, 110% coolest big brother ever but also in the context of Chilumi here is Lumine’s girlfriend. Is Childe the local white boy? Yes. this a gay relationship? Yes. Is it yuri? Also yes. Does Childe specifically ID as sapphic? No/it depends. Is Lumine a woman? No, she is simply a lesbian with cool gender. Chilumi yuri transcends the gender binary and confuses absolutely everyone around them for several reasons

So in response to Childe’s gender tangent Lumine is like “well Childe we can be girl best friends if you really want” and Childe is like OMG….really? And Lumine is like yeah sure go for it👍 Which starts the most bizarre situationship known to man. Again. It confuses absolutely everyone for several reasons. Neither Childe or Lumine are really looking to pursue a longterm committed romantic relationship or anything (Childe isn’t in the most stable headspace for one + Lumine just isn’t interested in it) so instead what we get is Childe walking around looking like he got mauled by a small beast and everyone’s like Dude what the hell happened to you and he’s like oh I just got back from a great date with my girlfriend ^__^ we hiked up one of the local trails and then fist fought each other in the woods before closing off the evening with me showing her how to wrestle large fish in the lake to eat them. And everyone turns to Lumine desperate for a proper explanation and she’s just like “yeah see I just think this is emotionally enriching for him. And for me. I’m kind of fascinated with his peculiar white boy and/or girl charm and tendency to say things only someone with under-diagnosed disorders would say. Solid dude. Get you a gf who can catch fish with his teeth you know” Which, of course, clears up absolutely nothing

Another factor here is Lumine isn't really saddled with fixing Childe's issues or anything she just treats him like a person and is very chill/accepting of him being “a little odd” sometimes, and this sort of presence is just good for Childe mentally IMO, bc I think it’s good for him to not have to swap between different facets of his identity (Ajax vs Tartagilia, for ex) and have people he can just be himself with in a more middle ground way. A lot of the time its just very silly but Lumine is probably someone Childe would feel more comfortable opening up to or at least trying to process his issues around. There’s a bit of a tragedy here where it genuinely could work well for them but Childe kind of struggles to connect with people as a person bc of his dissociation from his own personhood to cope with his trauma, and, of course, while I think Traveler enjoys forming meaningful emotional connections and is down with a lot of flings or casual relationships Lumine’s traveling lifestyle isn’t really suited for settling down for a committed stable one in the way that might work best for Childe, esp now when he’s still an active Harbringer

They work for each other and there’s a lot of good self realizations about identity they can glean from one another but their circumstances are always hovering over everything in the background. This is yuri to me

Is this a safe space. Can I pitch my chilumi yuri vision to you all.

I keep seeing people in passing branding it as like “straight ship people are creepily heteronormative about” and this is a deep tragedy to me personally because Im operating on 7 levels of absurd silliness and think it can be insane yuri

[sunwoo-hoo]

↣ kim sunwoo as your boyfriend

↳ a/n: this is my first headcanon so i hope you enjoy! this is not proof-read so please ignore any mistakes. please do not interact if your under the age of 18. 

↳ genre: smut, angst, fluff!

↳ requested? no

↳ send me your request here

↳ word count: 560

↳ kim sunwoo x fem reader

↳ General 

so protective over you 

but will also tease you a lot 

always up for trying new things with you 

if your shorter than him he always likes to come up behind you and hug you tightly while resting his head on top of yours 

“your so adorable, like a doll” 

is always making you blush when you least expect it 

comes to you first when he finishes a rap verse for a new song because he knows you’ll tell him the truth 

he loves it when you rub your fingers through his hair 

cheek kisses!

loves it when you spoil him

very playful 

expect a lot of active dates such as the beach, movies, cafe, arcade

can be really romantic when he wants to be 

loves dancing with you in the rain 

“how is it possible that you look even more cute with wet hair?” 

expect a lot of matching couple outfits especially accessories 

the instagram couple everyone is jealous of 

you both are the prankster couple 

not afraid to show PDA in public 

he loves it when everyone knows that your his 

↳ Fights 

doesn’t happen to often but when it does he’s not afraid to speak his mind 

he find’s it difficult to be serious sometimes which results in some fights 

never usually lasts long because he can’t stay mad at you & vise versa

“this is so fucking stupid, i love you I don’t want us to fight” 

even though he’s blunt he’ll never actually yell at you

will leave before it gets too heated to cool off 

usually ends up writing lyrics to get his frustration out 

pretty much the first one to always apologize first 

↳ Making Up 

makeup sex 

lots of cuddles

holding your hand tighter than usual 

playing with your hair 

long sensational neck kisses 

cooking a meal together 

↳ Sex

hard dom

loves to overstimulate you 

expect a lot of praise but also dirty talk

“you take my cock so well don’t you babe”

loves loves eating you out (i mean he’s a rapper c’mon)

“cum all over my face baby like the good slut you are” 

favorite position is doggy because he loves the view of your ass 

hair pulling

ass spanking 

love’s blowjobs but would rather make you cum first 

please please ride his face 

fingers you hard and rough 

love’s lingerie 

isn’t afraid to be adventurous

major risk taker will try public sex 

“let’s see how much i can make you cum before the members get back” 

expect some love bites on your breast and neck

has a lot of stamina expect to have 2-3 rounds  

he loves to cum in you (definitely has a breeding kink)

second place he loves to cum is on your ass or face 

↳ Aftercare 

once’s it’s all over he’ll go back to the caring dorky boyfriend he is 

get’s a towel to clean you up 

kisses your forehead afterwards

“I love you so much baby girl”  

runs a bath for both of you where second or third round might take place 

washes your hair 

once you get out he will run to the kitchen to grab you water and a snack 

laying on the bed your too fucked out so you fall asleep on top of his chest legs intertwined 

he puts on a drama and falls asleep soon afterwards 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* © sunwoo-hoo 2 0 2 1  ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*