#‘leave. I quit 4 years ago and I’ve never been happier’

[allofuswantgwinam]

not my HR person just telling me she fucking forgot to put in my full time status and missed the deadline 🤣🤣 fucking bye Kroger fr. she said she’s gonna make a full time spot for me quietly then have me put in for it or whatever and for me to just not tell anyone about it but I think I’m just gonna let her do it and then still look for a new job and screw these mfers like they’ve been screwin me for years im done

[blackcatrph]

** sour  sentence  starters.

brutal.

“  i think that i’ll die before i drink.  ”

“  i'm so caught up in the news of who likes me and who hates you.  ”

“  i'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life.  ”

“  they'd all be so disappointed  because who am I if not exploited?  ”

“  where's my fuckin' teenage dream?  ”

“  if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth," I'm gonna cry.  ”

“  i'm anxious and nothing can help.  ”

“  i wish I'd done this before.  ”

“  i wish people liked me more.  ”

“  all I did was try my best.  ”

“  this the kind of thanks I get?  ”

“  they say these are the golden years.  ”

“  i wish I could disappear.  ”

“  god, it's brutal out here.  ”

“  i feel like no one wants me.  ”

“  i only have two real friends.  ”

“  lately I'm a nervous wreck.  ”

“  i love people I don't like.  ”

“  i hate every song I write.  ”

“  i'm not cool, and I'm not smart.  ”

“  i can't even parallel park.  ”

“  got a broken ego, broken heart.  ”

“  i don't even know where to start.  ”

traitor.

“  brown guilty eyes and little white lies.  ”

“  i played dumb but I always knew.  ”

“  i kept quiet so I could keep you.  ”

“  ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits?  ”

“  ain't it funny how you said you were friends?  ”

“  it sure as hell don't look like it.  ”

“  you betrayed me.  ”

“  i know that you'll never feel sorry for the way I hurt.  ”

“  loved you at your worst but that didn't matter.  ”

“  guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.  ”

“  there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly.  ”

“  ain't it funny, all the twisted games, all the questions you used to avoid?  ”

“  remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid?  ”

“  i wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.  ”

“  you gave me your word but that didn't matter.  ”

drivers  license. 

“  i got my driver's license last week.  ”

“  just like we always talked about.  ”

“  today I drove through the suburbs crying 'cause you weren't around.  ”

“  you're probably with that blonde girl.  ”

“  she's so much older than me.  ” 

“  she's everything I'm insecure about.  ”

“  how could I ever love someone else?   “

“  i know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one.  ”

“  i just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.  ”

“  guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.  ”

“  all my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you.  ”

“  I kinda feel sorry for them because they'll never know you the way that I do.  ”

“  i still see your face in the white cars, front yards.  ”

“  can't drive past the places we used to go to because I still fuckin' love you.  ”

1  step  forward,  3  steps  back.

“  i called you on the phone today.  ”

“  all I did was speak normally.  ”

“  you got me fucked up in the head.  ”

“  like am I pretty? am I fun?  ”

“  i hate that I gave you power over that kind of stuff.  ”

“  it's always one step forward and three steps back.  ”

“  i'm the love of your life until I make you mad.  ”

“  do you love me, want me, hate me? i don't understand.  ”

“  maybe in some masochistic way I kind of find it all exciting.  ”

“  which lover will I get today?  ”

“  will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?  ”

“  it's back and forth, did I say somethin' wrong?  ”

“  it's back and forth, goin' over everything I said.  ”

“  i'd leave you, but the roller coaster's all I've ever had.  ”

deja vu.

“  strawberry ice cream, one spoon for two?  ”

“  i bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique.  ”

“  so when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?  ”

“  that was our place, I found it first.  ”

“  i made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you.  ”

“  do you get déjà vu when she's with you?  ”

“  do you call her, almost say my name?  ”

“  i hate to think that I was just your type.  ”

“  don't act like we didn't do that shit too.  ”

“  play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you Billy Joel.  ”

good  4  u.

“  well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.  ”

“  you found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.  ”

“  remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?  ”

“  good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself.  ” 

“  i guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped.  ”

“  now you can be a better man for your brand new girl.  ”

“  well, good for you, you look happy and healthy.  ”

“  not me, if you ever cared to ask.  ”

“  good for you, you're doin' great out there without me.  ”

“  i've lost my mind.  ”

“  i've spent the night cryin' on the floor in my bathroom.  ”

“  it's like we never even happened.  ”

“  what the fuck is up with that?  ”

“  good for you, it's like you never even met me.  ”

“  remember when you swore to god i was the only person who ever got you?  ”

“  well, screw that and screw you.  ”

“  you will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.  ”

“  maybe I'm too emotional.  ”

“  your apathy's like a wound in salt.  ”

“  maybe I'm too emotional  or maybe you never cared at all.  ”

“  like a damn sociopath.  ”

enough  for  you.

“  i wore makeup when we dated because I thought you'd like me more.  ”

“  i know that you loved before.  ”

“  tried so hard to be everything that you like.  ”

“  i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that I was smart.  ”

“  stupid, emotional, obsessive little me.  ”

“  i knew from the start this is exactly how you'd leave.  ”

“  you found someonе more exciting.  ”

“  you left me there cryin', wonderin' what I did wrong.  ”

“  you always say I'm never satisfied but I don't think that's true.  ”

“  all I ever wanted was to be enough for you.  ”

“  maybe I'm just not as interesting as the girls you had before.  ”

“  you couldn't have cared less about someone who loved you more.  ”

“  i'd say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that.  ”

“  i don’t want your sympathy, i just want myself back.  ”

“  don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded?  ”

“  don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing?  ”

“  don’t tell me you’re sorry, feel sorry for yourself.  ”

“  someday i’ll be everything to somebody else.  ”

“  you’ll be the one crying.  ”

happier.

“  we broke up a month ago. ”

“  your friends are mine you know.  ”

“  you’ve moved on, found someone new.  ”

“  i thought my heart was detached from all the sunlight of our past.  ”

“  she’s so sweet, she’s so pretty.  ”

“  does she mean you forgot about me ?  ”

“  i hope you’re happy but not like how you were with me.  ”

“  i’m selfish i know. i can’t let you go.  ”

“  find someone great, but don’t find no one better.  ”

“  i hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier.  ”

 “  do you tell her she’s the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen?  ”

“  an eternal love bullshit you know you’ll never mean.  ”

“  remember when i believe you meant it when you said it first to me?  ”

“  now i’m picking her apart like cutting her down will make you miss my wretched heart.  ”

“  she’s beautiful, she looks kind.  ”

“  she probably gives you butterflies.  ”

“  i wish you all the best, really.  ”

“  say you love her, just not like you loved me.  ”

“  think of me fondly when your hands are on her.  ”

jealousy  jealousy.

“  i kinda wanna throw my phone across the room.  ”

“  all i see are girls too good to be true.  ”

“  i know their beauty’s not my lack but it feels like that weight is on my back.  ”

“  comparison is killing me slowly.  ”

“  i think i think too much.  ”

“  i’m so sick of myself, i’d rather be anyone else.  ”

“  my jealousy started following me.  ”

“  i see everyone getting all the things i want.  ”

“  i’m happy for them, but then again, i’m not.  ”

“  i can’t stand it.  ” 

“  oh god i sound crazy.  ”

“  their win is not my loss, i know it’s true.  ”

“  i can’t help getting caught up in it all.  ”

“  all your friends are so cool.  ”

“  you go out every night.  ”

“  you’re living the life.  ”

“  i want to be you so bad, and i don’t even know you.  ”

“  all i see is what i should be.  ”

favourite  crime.

“  know that i love you so bad.  ”

“  i let you treat me like that.  ”

“  i was your willing accomplice.  ”

“  i watched as you fled the scene.  ”

“  doe-eyed as you buried me.  ”

“  the things i did just so i could call you mine.  ”

“  the things you did. well, i hope i was your favourite crime.  ”

“  you used me as an alibi.  ”

“  i crossed my heart and you crossed the line.  ”

“  i defended you to all my friends.  ”

“  every time i siren sounds, i wonder if you’re around.  ”

“  you know that i’d do it all again.  ”

“  it’s bittersweet to think about the damage that we’d do.  ”

“  i was going down but i was doing it with you.  ”

“  i say that i hate you with a smile on my face.  ”

“  look what we became.  ” 

hope  ur  ok.

“  his parents cared more about the bible than being good to their own child.  ”

“  wore long sleeves because of his dad.  ”

“  somehow we fell out of touch.  ”

“  hope he took his bad deal and made a royal flush.  ”

“  don’t know if i’ll see you again someday.  ”

“  i hope that you’re okay.  ”

“  her parents hated who she loved.  ”

“  she was brought into a world where family was merely blood.  ” 

“  with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred.  ”

“  we don’t talk much.  ”

“  i miss you and i hope that you’re okay.  ”

“  address the letter to the holes in my butterfly wings.  ”

“  nothing’s forever, nothing is as good as it seems.  ”

“  when the clouds are ironed our and the monsters creep into your house, every door is hard to close.  ”

“  i hope you know how proud i am.  ”

“  i hope that you’re happier today.  ”

“  i love you and i hope that you’re okay.  ”  

[stellocchia]

I really liked Wilbur's lore stream from yesterday, so you guys are getting a short stream analysis from me

As always dialogue is color-coded: Wilbur, Tubbo, Ranboo

And since I'm the least concise person ever everything is under the cut

The stream is (DSMP LORE) A Year Later

The stream starts with Wilbur singing the L'Manburg anthem to Ranboo. It is interesting to notice that, just like all the streams since he's been back he doesn't start off the stream by addressing chat in any way but already taking with someone in-universe.

"I'm a big big fan of the song (...) (Wilbur notices that Ranboo was muted) so sorry, let's try again: have you heard that song before?" "Yeah I have, I have. I have- I've had a friend that sings it quite a lot" “Good, good, and I was gonna say, it’s obviously based on Hallelujah right? But the thing is, the thing is Ranboo, right? But the thing is- the thing is Ranboo, right? Is that the reason we did it is because Tommy used to sing Hallelujah to the plants" "Oh, to the plants?" "Yeah! In- in the- around the- around the uhm... around the thing! You know the- the caravan? (...) so, my man, Tommy used to sing to the plants to make them grow better and that was the song he used to sing and so I thought what a way to honour Tommy, you know, one of the most- one of the most loyal members or of our fair nation than by naming the song after him, you know? And singing it based on his little- his little Muse. Tommy is a- Tommy is all of our Muse really I'd say"

I cut as much of this quote as I could while still leaving it well understandable and leaving in everything I wanted to talk about, but man is it long... So let's break it down a bit at a time:

1) The friend that Ranboo referenced that sings the anthem a lot is most likely Tubbo considering that they met him later on in this stream while he was singing that very song

2) The memory of the song seems to still be a particularly pleasant one for Wilbur, which probably explains why Ghostbur as well was so fond of it. He speaks about it positively throughout and it generally seems like an overall positive moment of reminiscence, probably because it's a callback to a simpler time when Wilbur too was, you know, happier overall. It's a reminder of a time before the worsening of his spiral.

3) Also interesting that they kept it in canon that Tommy singing to the plants was what inspired the anthem. Especially because I'm not entirely sure if that's the case considering that the actual anthem wasn't written by cc!Wilbur but by a fan upon his request (obviously this is outside the story).

4) Last thing I wanted to mention was Wilbur describing Tommy as a Muse. Muses in mythology are the inspirational goddesses of the arts, music, and science, Tommy aside from the anthem obviously isn't that. But it is interesting that Tommy does take a central role when it comes to motivating people. We could say that Techno's speech on the 16th was inspired by him since it was directed at him. Similarly, Niki and Jack had their arcs revolving around him. Tommy was able to rally the troops with ease multiple times. And Dream's obsession with him itself is the main motivator for, like, 90% of his actions. So, while he may not cover the role of a muse literally it's not a comparison that is too far off...

They headed to the museum afterward and took notice of the Ranboo poster being missing. And then they headed off to L'Manburg (which, by the way, looks amazing, thank you cc!Phil for that one).

"It goes by L'Manhole now apparently" "I- yeah it's kinda- ugh- I'm not a fan. It's kinda rude to L'Manburg's history, you know? It- it's called L'Manburg. It's called L'Manburg. NOT Manberg, not L'Crater or whatever. L'Manhole, I don't care, it's now L'Manburg, it's always L'Manburg, okay?"

It's interesting that not too long ago he was saying that even L'Manburg itself (with an emphasis on the name) wasn't what was actually important, the purpose of it was. He admits later on that he lied in that conversation, but it's impressive how quickly he trusted Ranboo enough to let him see how much he still cared about L'Manburg when he was so intent on lying about it not too long ago.

Wilbur's enthusiasm about seeing the flag is another nice confirmation about him still caring deeply for his old nation.

"Damn, I really went down to bedrock, didn't I? Holy shit I did- I did a number on this place" (I wonder why Ranboo didn't correct him on this, because Ranboo knows that Techno, Phil, and Dream are the ones who actually exploded the country down to bedrock...)

They end up seeing Tubbo on the other side of the crater and head over to him. While they're heading there Tubbo is singing the anthem himself in a very mournful tone.

One interesting thing that I noticed it's that it's Wilbur that heads towards Tubbo's location instead of having Tubbo go to him like he mostly did with Tommy for example. I suppose it could be because Tubbo having been a president himself is in less of a subordinate position to Wilbur than Tommy who's always been a simple soldier.

"It's like looking in a little mirror, look you're wearing my suit still? How long have you been wearing that?" "Oh I just put it on, just for today" (in a similar fashion to Jack bringing out the L'Manburg uniform to reminisce, Tubbo also brought out clothes he strongly attaches the memory of L'Manburg to)

"Ranboo have you met Tubbo?" "Yeah, yeah. I've- I've met him, I mean we've, uhm... we've been around" (Ranboo still minimizing his relationship with Tubbo to Wilbur. Of course, this is because he doesn't trust him but it's interesting that he isn't even honest about that)

After a bit of back and forth, Wilbur starts apologizing to Tubbo. At first, like most other times he's having a serious discussion he puts himself in an elevated position to tower over Tubbo. It's a neat way to show how his own desire for control affects him, having Wilbur literally elevate himself over others when speaking to them. Literally putting Tubbo down in this situation. Which does make the beginning of his apology very obviously feel insincere.

"I'm sorry for making you president specifically before blowing it up and I'm sorry for when I did this *pointing at the crater* and blew all this up and making this whole. I'm sorry that I uh- that I said that you were the president of a crater"

This is that first part of the apology I mentioned. Just to clarify, I don't actually think that it was entirely insincere. It just feels less impactful due to Wilbur putting himself in a position of superiority over Tubbo, especially because it's something we've seen him do before. It's also to be noted that this time, like others before, he seems to be apologizing less out of actual guilt and more out of a desire to earn forgiveness. Which is not a critique by the way. I just feel like that's a misconception Wilbur has, that apologies serve the purpose of confirming to him that he's doing a good job at changing more than to actually make amends for what he's done. The reason why I think that's the case for the beginning part of this apology as well it's because of how fast he went to ask tubbo if he forgave him, which did put a certain level of pressure on Tubbo in this situation.

"I mean it wasn't- this wasn't all you Wilbur" (thank you tubbo for finally dispelling some of those misunderstandings)

"Yeah so me and mainly Ghostbur honestly, like-" "Ghostbur" (some more of Wilbur not being too fond of Ghostbur)

"Right is he [Ghostbur] this obsidian crap then I take it and these- these fucking dumb lanterns up here" (a bit more)

To correct Wilbur's misconceptions Tubbo starts off asking if the other knew Dream, to which Wilbur responds with how much he appreciates Dream and how he's his hero, which makes Tubbo backtrack and blames most of Doomsday on Techno and Phil. Which, as we know, isn't actually accurate and I have a feeling that this misinformation will be harmful later on once Dream is out of prison (though I don't blame Tubbo for backtracking with how enthusiastic Wilbur is, that was the basic conflict-avoidant approach that Tubbo seems to prefer).

"They rained tnt for days" (if this is actually canon then Doomsday was even more of a tragedy than we previously saw it as. It was days filled with fighting and destruction. Then again, Tubbo has misremembered traumatizing events before)

"Techno and Phil, they hated the government. I mean it was partially my fault as well" "But you didn't blow it up" "No I didn't. I would never have wished or anything like this to happen" "So it was just Techno and Phil?" *long pause* "Y-yeees"

Two things to say here:

1) I appreciate someone in canon recognizing that it's not Tubbo's fault for what happened to L'Manburg and blaming the people who actually blew it up, similarly to how I appreciate Wilbur bringing up with Tommy that it was clearly Dream pulling the strings with his exile with Tubbo. It's nice having it stated plainly for people to hear

2) This is the misconception I mentioned. This is most certainly gonna backfire at some point.

After that Wilbur commends Tubbo quite a lot for rebuilding New L'Manburg (once again being dismissive towards Ghostbur) and is clearly enthusiastic about it, even going as far as to say that that mattered more to him than them building him a grave.

"I just, I feel lost without L'Manburg. All my core beliefs, everything died with it" "You feel lost without a nation..." "I have no purpose anymore" "I guess that's where anarchy fails" (I think this may be the first time someone admits it to someone else, even though that lack of purpose and feeling disoriented is very obviously a shared sentiment amongst the ex-citizens)

After that, it's when Wilbur invites Tubbo to join Paradise, the, supposedly burger van with a small house attached to it that wasn't supposed to become a nation. I have a feeling that the proposition coming right after that exchange may imply that Wilbur changed his mind on it. He does purposefully put himself again in an elevated position when making the proposition.

"Would you like to come join me in Paradise? Literally" "Hmmm, I'm not sure Wilbur. I'm not sure I trust you man, I need to- in order to follow someone I need to trust them" "Wait, wait but you- I thought you forgave me! I thought it was, you know it-" "Wilbur I forgive you because I like to hang on to the hope that people can change, but-"

This is what I mean when I say that Wilbur's apologies come with expectations for the person he's apologizing to. By asking Tubbo first if he forgave him when he originally apologized, he already made it harder for Tubbo to refute that. And now we learn that he expected trust to come along with forgiveness. He's not doing this maliciously of course, but he does seem to have some misconceptions on this.

"I know you had that- that at the festival? With Technoblade? I never spoke to you properly about this. I- I could have saved you" "But you didn't" (other people brought this up, but this is a neat little parallel to the one scene in exile where Ranboo was lamenting about how he should have gone with Tommy and Tommy shut him down pointing out that anyone could have gone but no one actually did)

There is a second round of apologies and Wilbur is still standing higher than Tubbo, BUT he does put himself on his same level after he did a bit more pushing and found that Tubbo was standing his ground. He finally puts himself on the same level as Tubbo and openly acknowledges his boundaries which is the first actual real effort to change that we've seen from Wilbur. Which I'd say is a pretty important step for him.

"Wilbur in order for you to gain my trust back you have to prove it, I can't just give it out anymore. I used to be able to but I just- I just can't" (acknowledgement of how Tubbo's trauma also affected him deeply)

"You know I still have dreams, right? Of the explosion. And- and of the fireworks. And- and all of it. I- I still- I vividly see all of it. Every day. It hurts. It hurts a lot Wilbur"

I want to commend Tubbo here for being able to open up like this, especially considering how much he generally leans into denial and how much he usually suppress. And on top of that this is Tubbo acknowledging that both Wilbur's actions (the explosion) and Techno's actions (the fireworks) have hurt him and STILL hurt him and affect him deeply. It's quite a big admission especially for him.

"Sorry feels like such a weak word. I feel like there's nothing stronger that I can say" (first time that he's standing on the same level of Tubbo while apologizing)

"You're so strong man. Genuinely. You just- just the fact that you proved to me just there that you have this memories, that you have this nightmares and you still find it in your heart to forgive me. That's... you're a fucking champion man. You- you're a hero"

It's interesting that the reason why he claims Tubbo to be strong here is because he forgave him. It's not something that's inherently about Tubbo, like the fact that he still found the strength to go on and rebuild after the events he mentioned, for example, no. What Wilbur brought up is the one thing that Tubbo did for him. Which tells me that he still clearly has a bit of way to go to learn how to make amends and how redemption actually works, but, you know, that's to be expected honestly.

Wilbur moves on by inviting Tubbo to at least come and see Paradise, just to see what they'd made and Tubbo refuses because he wanted to spend more time reminiscing. Wilbur this time respect Tubbo's boundaries with no pushing which is yet another step forward for him honestly. Wilbur also gives Tubbo a "lucky rabbit's foot" that Tommy gave him to cheer him up and assure him that he had no problems with him not going.

With this their conversation comes to a close and Wilbur and Ranboo head over to Paradise (though not before Ranboo has confirmed with Tubbo that he actually does want to be left alone).

"You know I was gonna say 'this is hard' but obviously it's hard. I mean, you know, I've..." (a bit of reflection on his actions for Wilbur, you love to see it!)

"It's gonna get better! It's gonna get better! And it's gonna be worth it when I see them smiling. All of them. Tubbo, Jack, Niki, Tommy, anyone!" (I'm pretty sure that this is a genuine sentiment right here. It really does seem that wilbur's Big Plan right now is just to make amends and change)

"Do you know who the original L'Manburg group were? Do you know who we were?" "I- I think most of them yeah... I think it was like: you, Jack, Niki, Fundy I believe as well" "Fundy was a bit after. Fundy was after we'd gotten independence"

I wonder if that's an actual misrememberance on Wilbur's part (c!Wilbur, not cc!Wilbur, I'm sure cc!Wilbur remembers this) or just him wanting to put some distance between his good memories of L'Manburg and Fundy. Because Jack and Niki weren't there for the independence war either and yet he singled out Fundy who was. And I doubt that he'd forget about his son being one of the people who lost their first life in the final control room. In addition to that Wilbur didn't mention Fundy before among those he wanted to make smile.

I really think that this was intentional and that it was because, well, Wilbur felt deeply betrayed by Fundy. And we as the audience know that Fundy only ever publicly stopped acknowledging him as his father to be able to stay undercover as a spy, but he doesn't. It wouldn't be so weird that he wanted to erase Fundy from his memories of the time when he was supposed to be happy.

"I try and keep this on the low because I don't want uh- I don't want people to use it against me is the main problem. I do wa- I didn't even tell Tommy, I lied to Tommy" "Yeah?" "I'll be honest I'm gonna tell him soon that I lied to him because if it- it kinda eats away at me. But I told- I told tommy that I didn't actually care about L'Manburg and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain, you know, power and stuff, but it's not- it's not true. L'Manburg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day"

Once again I'm surprised how little it took Wilbur to trust Ranboo with stuff he hasn't really told anyone else. Makes you really understand how low of an opinion of himself he has that when the first person that calls him "alright" out loud just gets his undying trust. Especially considering that Ranboo doesn't trust him back and hasn't been the most honset with him so far. It's also a nice spelled out admission for anyone who didn't get how much Wilbur cares about L'Manburg from the longing look he gave to the camaravan's replica in the stream where he said he never cared.

"I wanted history to live on, not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically took a big shit on the history books it feels like" (just another interesting little insight on Wilbur's view of the situation)

"I've heard about what's Tommy's, you know, moved on... and how jack's moved on, and how Niki's moved on and everyone's moved on from L'Manburg at least partially, but Tubbo man, he's still..." (he only thinks the rest of them moved on because he hasn't spoken almost at all with two of them and he never really listened to Tommy. Also, again, Fundy is not mentioned)

"I don't know where I'd be without you [Ranboo] here right now man, I mean T-Tommy's great and all and he's here but I- I feel like, you know, I don't wanna- I don't wanna string him along too much because he's- I- when I look at him. When I look at him when he's helping me out building things with me I see the same eyes that looked at me when... when... There were some- there weren't some fun times in the ravine of Pogtopia. I wasn't a very well man and I can just see Tommy from that day"

This one was one heck of a confession!

I don't know if this is me misremembering, but I'm fairly sure that this is the first time he's admitted to not being great to Tommy specifically. Again, Tommy is the one person he met with so far that he hasn't apologized to. Heck! He told Tommy to his face that him being sorry for his actions didn't mean he wouldn't do them again. It's a pretty damn big admission to acknowledge that that behaviour (which is the same now, if not worse when only related to Tommy) wasn't good. It also shows that he's at least a bit aware of Tommy's emotions which is rarely shown honestly. Though whether he cares because of Tommy or because being around Tommy makes him feel guilty (which is what you'd expect him to feel) and he doesn't like that is to be determined still, mostly just because the phrasing was a bit uncertain at the moment.

"I know what it's like to have no one- or at least feel like no one trusts you. Uhm, and I- I've realized that if- if no one's with you then how can anyone really know when you've redeemed yourself? So that's why I'm here I guess" (Ranboo's answer to why he trusts Wilbur. Which he doesn't, but still)

And the stream ends with Wilbur saying he hopes Tubbo comes around to try out one of the burgers (though he does repeat that he doesn't want Ranboo to pressure him to join) and complimenting Ranboo a bit more.

[amor-immortalem]

Can I Stay Up Here With You Forever ch.4

Previous

Taglist: @mediocredetective

Warnings: Mentions of past child abuse and neglect

“So, what’s the plan for today? Or are we jus’ stayin’ home all day?” Mammon asks as he lugs the suitcase he brought with him into the bedroom and opened some dresser drawers to put his clothes away.

“I figured we could go out and explore more of the city together. Plus, I want to get a few more pieces of furniture to fill out the house.” Arella runs a hand through her hair as she stretches. “Breakfast was great, by the way. Thank you.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that good- not compared to last night’s dinner anyway...”

“Don’t put yourself down like that, Honey.” The human gets off the bed to hunt for some clothes of her own. “You’re cooking is good, okay?”

He nods slowly. “Not if you ask my brothers though... One of ‘em always has something ta say ‘bout it- and none of its good. Even Beel has complaints sometimes.”

She frowns in response. “Well, I’ll have you know I genuinely enjoy your cooking. I wouldn’t mind if you cooked for us more often.”

Another nod from the demon as he returns to his task of emptying out his suitcase and Arella continues her search for the perfect outfit.

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“Where is he, Solomon,” The Avatar of Pride questions the sorcerer as he stands in the foyer of Purgatory Hall.

“I’ve already told you, Lucifer.” Solomon replies with a smile on his face. “I don’t exactly know. The human world is the best answer I can give you.”

The demon studies the human for a moment to deduce whether or not he’s lying about know where Mammon is. “Where in the human world?”

“I don’t know. Arella wouldn’t tell me where exactly she was summoning him to.” It’s a tiny lie. Of course, he knew exactly where they were, but Lucifer didn’t need to know that. “I have no reason to lie to you, Lucifer, but why exactly is it that you want to find your brother so badly?”

“I want to... apologize for my actions. It seems, after further review of the situation, that I was wrong. The bill I received was full of fraudulent charges to his credit card. Does that change your answer?” The first-born narrows his eye as the silver-haired sorcerer shook his head. “Then I’ll be off. If you hear anything, I want to be the first to hear about it.

Solomon only nodded, an amused smile playing on his lips. He wondered just how long it would take the demon to pinpoint Mammon and Arella’s location.

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They bounced from shop to shop throughout the day finding many cute trinkets and knick-knacks on their journey. The cutest ones- and Mammon’s personal favorite- was a set of crows sitting on a tree branch together, their bodies turned away with their heads pressed together so that they formed the shape of a heart. He instantly picked it up after Arella made the comment that the crows were representative of them and their love.

As their small shopping spree came down to an end, they had stopped to take a break in a park, just taking a moment to rest and enjoy the beautiful day. It filled Mammon with a warm feeling he wasn’t quite sure he could name just yet so he just opted to hold her hand as they relaxed on the park bench as a few small families played nearby.

His attention in particular was pulled to one certain family: A mother and father with their three boys. Watching them drug up a desire he thought he’d never have.

“Hey, babe,” He starts quietly.

“Yes, Love?” she hums in response.

“Do... Do ya want kids...?”

“Do you?” Arella replies with a question of her own, green eyes peering up at the demon.

“I asked you first.”

With a chuckle she answers, “Yes... having children with you wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I’d love to one day down the road. How many do you want?”

“Just one would be good enough,” He smiles, resting his cheek against the top of her head as they sit there in peace for a while longer.

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Sitting in his office, attempting to keep his mind off Mammon, Lucifer was working on his ever-growing stack of paperwork. It wasn’t working and something in the back of the demon’s mind was gnawing at him. Something Arella had said to him roughly a month ago about stealing his brother away to the human realm and never returning. A laughable idea for as much as he knew she wasn’t joking; she really held no power to make that decision. Mammon was a demon- one of the seven lords of hell. His place was here in the Devildom whether she liked it or not. Mammon himself had to realize this was all pointless eventually and then he would come home and that would be the end of it. Or at least that’s what Lucifer hoped anyway. He really didn’t want to have to drag his brother back here kicking and screaming.

Stepping away from the old, worn-out desk, the eldest decides a break for tea and a phone call might do better to take his mind of things for the time being.

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Putting up her dusty old tomes on various mythologies of the ancient past, Aubrie could just barely hear the phone. Hopping down off the ladder, the mythologist swiped up the device- a gift from the only demon in her contacts. He was lucky she didn’t have it turned off like she usually did while she was working.

“Good evening, Lucifer,” Holding the shiny D.D.D. to her ear, she answered with a chirp. “To what do I owe the honor?”

“Good evening, Aubrie.” Lucifer’s voice is smooth as silk and Aubrie has to wonder if he just naturally talks like that or he was using that ‘seductive speechcraft’ Arella had mentioned some time ago to get whatever it was that he wanted from their conversation. “Have you spoken to Arella recently?”

“I have. You know she just moved from England, right?” The ginger chirps. “I texted with her this morning to see how it went.”

“Actually, I didn’t.” The Avatar of Pride hummed as he sipped on his tea. “That’s interesting. Where abouts did she move?”

“I wish I knew. The best I can say is somewhere in mainland Europe,” Aubrie lets out a sigh. “I want to go visit her. I can’t imagine how lonely it is to move to an entirely different country where you’re alone- although for Arella that’s pretty on character...”

“She does seem independent,” Lucifer hums, “I’m sure she’ll be fine. Actually, that’s part of the reason I called. I’m sure she told you that my brother’s with her when you spoke earlier... I need her to send him back. He can’t be missing so much school- his grades are already abysmal to begin with and the longer she keeps him up there, the worse they’ll get. Plus, I have things I need to talk with him about.”

“She's worried about his safety with you, Lucifer. Apparently, you broke his elbow somehow? Or something to that effect.”

“I didn’t break his elbow. No, he did that on his own by falling on it, but my actions helped lead to it so I have some blame in it.” The black-haired demon sighs, “That’s why I’m looking for them. I want to apologize to Mammon- he didn’t exactly deserve what I did that led up to him breaking his elbow.”

The human nods at that. “And here I thought you would be too proud to apologize.” She teased.

“If it were anyone other than my brothers, maybe.” He admits. “But in their own way, each of my brothers are important to me. We’ve been together for eons. Losing a single one of them would be devastating to our family, Aubrie. Like right now, the house has been too quiet and dark since Mammon left for the human realm. Things aren’t right until he comes home.”

“I see, but if you knew your brother would be happier up here in the human world with Arella... would you let him go?”

“I can’t- and it's not because I don’t want him to be happy, quite the opposite, actually- if we were not of such high rank and standing, then I would be content to allow Mammon to follow what makes him happy- whether that be here in the Devildom or up in the human world to allow him to live amongst the humans.”

“What do you mean?”

“I'm sure Arella has told you about our rank here in the devildom. We’re each to rule over a layer of Hell once we leave RAD in a few years. Mammon has a responsibility to the Devildom as Lord of the Fourth Layer. It's not a thing that he can just leave behind in favor of spending the rest of his human’s minimal lifespan up in the mortal realm.”

“You could be less harsh on him though. I know our morals on what is wrong and right are different and it’s foolish for us to force our morals on to literal demons from some of the stories she mentions about the way you all treat your brother... Well, it sounds like abuse to me and for someone like Arella, that’s very triggering for her.”

“What do you mean by that?” Lucifer’s interest was piqued at the human’s words. He knew next to nothing about Arella’s past before the exchange program and she never talks about her past to begin with so having the opportunity to hear about it was enticing to the Avatar of Pride.

“Her home life when we were children was... less than happy. Her mother was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive as well as neglectful. I have plenty of pictures from when we were children where she’s covered in bruises, black eyes, busted lips. She would never say anything against her mother so protective services couldn’t do anything for her, but we all knew that woman was the cause of them. So you see, the way you treat your brother drudges up all that old trauma for her and that’s why she behaves the way she does. Wouldn’t you do the same thing if you were in her shoes, Lucifer?”

“You’re not wrong.” He goes to take another sip of his tea but the cup is empty. “This was nice and also very insightful. I have to go now, enjoy the rest of your evening, Aubrie.”

“Thank you, Love. You too. Make sure to go to bed a reasonable time tonight.” There was a short pause on her end before Aubrie began sputtering apologies and trying to back pedal her way out of that embarrassing situation and the line eventually just cut off.

Lucifer couldn’t help but laugh softly at the ridiculousness of it all. Humans sure were a funny creature.

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Next

Find more writings on my masterlist

[emilia3546]

Shadowsinger Part 14 - Gwynriel

ACOSF Spoilers! Do Not read this unless you have finished ACOSF and the Azriel bonus chapter

*

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Part 13

*****

Azriel shot a glare at Cassian as his brother raised an eyebrow and smirked at Azriel's arm around Gwyn's waist.

Drop it.

He put as much meaning into the glare as possible, Cassian relented, and Azriel rolled his eyes, but a part of him leapt for joy to see the color filling his face again, the light in his eyes, the fluidity of his movements. He couldn't help the half-smile when Cassian turned to the doorway behind him, and grinned, alive, he looked alive now.

Azriel followed Cassian's gaze to the doorway, ignoring the way his shadows were still dancing around Gwyn's feet, they hadn't stopped since they'd woken this morning, and with no sign of them ever stopping, Azriel had given up complaining. Feyre was grinning at him, with Rhys standing behind her, and Azriel raised an eyebrow,

"Nyx is asleep, and with Nuala." Rhys offered as an explanation, before dropping into the chair beside Azriel, with Feyre claiming the seat across from him, between Nesta and Emerie. Gwyn kept holding on to his hand even as the House provided breakfast, but he was forced to let go to eat, keeping half an eye on her even as he devoured the food in front of him, immediately clasping her hand again once he'd finished. Rhys glanced questioningly across at him, but there was nothing about Gwyn in his eyes, just the worry that had kept him, kept them all alive over the years. Azriel nodded, and rolled his shoulders, he was fine, hardly any pain at all, Madja's magic had all but done its work now. Rhys raised an eyebrow, but didn't object, passing his attention to Cassian, with a smile at Gwyn, which she gladly returned, and Azriel found himself mirroring her.

Still, that calmness that had crept over Gwyn faded the moment Emerie explained why she had really been so late to visit. Every rebel sympathizer in Windhaven had vanished, every last one. Even with Mor having sent his spies to confirm it before returning to the continent, Azriel winced visibly for not knowing, and Emerie shot him an apologetic look,

"When?"

"Three days ago." Three days, if he'd been here, if he'd been doing his damn job, they'd have known, would have been able to respond,

It's nothing we didn't expect, Rhys said into his mind at the same time that Gwyn squeezed his hand, And it's nothing that we weren't prepared for. His brother offered him a smile while Azriel grappled with the guilt threatening to rise again. He closed his eyes for a heartbeat, no, he was here, and he would raise hell against anyone who threatened his family. When he opened his eyes, Rhys' smirk confirmed that there was nothing of the fear left in them, only the determination, the anger.

Whilst Emerie was explaining exactly what had happened, Cerridwen pushed open the door, and made her way silently across to him, handing him a report, from Illyria by the look of it. Azriel thanked her, and she vanished again, he skimmed the overview while the room fell silent, watching, waiting, and he sighed as he spoke,

"She's right. And it's not just Windhaven, it's all of Illyria. Just over a third of the males have disappeared, some of their families with them, some alone, but no idea where." That was his next move, to find them, wherever they had gone, gone or been taken, whichever it was. He hardly noticed his shadows stopping their dancing as he spoke, leaving his side entirely to hover around Gwyn, shrouding her in darkness, in safety. "I'm going to meet with some of my spies in a few hours, find out everything we know, and," he hesitated, preparing for the resistance to his next request, "It'd put my mind at ease if you'd get Gwyn a room in the River House, Rhys." Gwyn shot him a glare, but relented at the pleading look he offered, and Rhys nodded,

"If she wants it." Gwyn sighed, and nodded,

"It makes sense, it'll be easier to manage everything if we're all close together." Azriel hadn't realized how worried he'd been that she might refuse until she agreed, and he almost laughed at the joy that swept through him as she said 'we', she wanted to be a part of his family, she wouldn't shy away from that part of him. He planted a kiss on top of her head as he slipped away to head out to the meeting, not caring who might be watching, and left his shadows behind with her, all of them.

*****

Gwyn stared after Azriel even after he'd disappeared from view, hardly noticing the rest of the conversation until Nesta reached across the table to grasp Gwyn's hand,

"He'll be okay"

"I know. I just, I don't know," she shrugged, "I can't help it," Nesta chuckled softly,

"Tell me about it, that's the problem with these idiots isn't it?" Despite herself, Gwyn snorted, then burst out laughing at Rhysand's feigned offense when Feyre agreed. She couldn't completely banish her worry, but with her sisters there, with her friends there, she could push it aside, at least for now.

It didn't take long for Gwyn to be ready to move down to the River House, and she closed her eyes as Rhysand gently took her hand, preparing herself for the rush of wind as he winnowed them across Velaris. It didn't matter that she'd done it before, she still stumbled when they appeared in the garden, but caught herself before she could fall flat on her face,

"Alright?" She nodded, and made to speak, but the words died on her tongue when she locked eyes with someone else across the garden. It was a conscious effort not to reach for the missing necklace as Elain looked at her. Gwyn made to turn away, and thanked Rhysand for bringing her, but Elain shouted across the garden,

"Gwyneth! Wait!" Gwyn paused, and turned to face Elain, carefully controlling her gaze to avoid the glare that she wanted to fix her with, "I - I just wanted to apologize, I don't know what came over me, I just," she broke off, and reached for Gwyn's hands, gently squeezing them as she continued, "Seeing him with you, the way he was looking at you, I was jealous, it was stupid, and I had no right to be jealous, we never even had anything. It was just the way he was laughing and smiling with you, Cauldron, even his shadows love you, it just reminded me that I don't have that. I should never have taken it out on you. I regretted it instantly, I'm sorry, I wanted to apologize, but you'd already gone, then Az ran after you, and I just panicked. Nesta shouted at me afterwards, and I tried to find you, but by the time I got back you'd both gone, and I know we haven't really spoken much, but I don't want to leave it like this. I'm glad he has you, that you have him, and, if you can forgive me, I'd like to be your friend." Gwyn offered her a little smile,

"I'd like that." Elain beamed at her, and made to hug her, but froze, and Gwyn stepped towards her, "That's okay, I'm not fragile, I won't break."

"Oh, it's not that, I just wasn't sure if you would want me to touch you." Gwyn smiled again, and shook her head,

"Don't walk on eggshells around me, I don't want pity." Elain froze for a moment, then smiled, and laughed,

"Gods, no wonder you and Nesta get along so well. Thank you, for giving me a second chance."

"You made a mistake, just don't make the same one twice."

Rhysand was standing just inside, pretending he hadn't been listening, and Gwyn choked on a laugh,

"I spoke to Elain."

"Oh really?" He laughed, "I had no idea." Gwyn chuckled again,

"I assume there's a reason you're waiting for me?"

"Well I couldn't just leave you to wander around until you happened upon you room could I?" He gestured up the stairs, "Second on the left, and I don't want to leave you alone, there's nothing I can be doing until Az gets back, so if you don't want to be alone," he broke off when he noticed Gwyn staring into space, "Gwyn?" She started, and looked back across to him, "He's fine, I promise, not even I know where his meeting spots are." She nodded, then shook her head and laughed,

"I'll hold you to that, High Lord."

"High Lord? Oooof, that usually means I've royally fucked up."

"Not just yet." Gwyn chuckled and followed Rhys into a living room,

"While you're here, I wanted to ask you something." Gwyn nodded, "Azriel, is he actually okay? He regularly lies to me about his recovery from any injuries, and I assume you know?" Gwyn paused, trying to decide exactly what to tell him,

"He's not in much pain anymore, but, and I don't think he knows that I noticed, he still avoids twisting around, I think his ribs are a bit sore, but he is mostly alright." Rhys visibly relaxed,

"Thank you. I worry about him, we all do, I'm glad you found him."

"Found him?"

"I'm not blind, Gwyn." She shuffled on her chair, "He's happier than I've seen him in years, because of you."

"I'm not sure it's me,"

"It is you. And I don't want you, either of you, to think that you have to hide it from us, any of us, we won't push anything, but please, don't think you have to hide." Gwyn smiled, and pursed her lips,

"It's not that I'm worried about what you all might think, it's that I'm worried he might not want to be open about anything yet, it's only been a few days."

"A few days? Maybe since you admitted it, but it's been much longer than that." Longer? Perhaps it had been, she'd certainly been wanting to spend as much time as possible with him for a while now, and he'd never once complained, never shrunk away from her,

"He just understands me, that's all." Rhys chuckled again,

"He's never allowed any of us to know who he's been with before, I don't even know if he only likes females, or if he's also been with males." Gwyn chuckled,

"You have no idea?"

"None. But he never hid his feelings for you, he quite obviously made sure you were protected this morning, and I'll just say that he doesn't kiss me to say goodbye." Gwyn snorted with laughter at the image that sprung up in her mind,

"I'd say not." Gwyn's attention snapped across to the doorway, to a grinning Nesta,

"We're moving in too, makes life easier if we're close together at the moment."

*****

It took all of Azriel's self control not to fly back to Velaris at the first report, then even more at the second, and the third. Gone, the rebels were completely gone, not just from their camps, but from Illyria entirely. Velaris was safe, Velaris was safe, Rhys was actually there, there was no way the wards would fail whilst he was there. But Gwyn was there too, and she could be in danger, if an army of rebel Illyrians showed up even Gwyn would be at risk. He didn't need to rush back yet, not until he'd spoken to everyone.

Still, with each passing second, he found himself more and more tempted to gaze West, even if he couldn't see the city, let alone Gwyn from here, just to reassure himself that she wan't about to be attacked, to see that there was no airborne army heading fro the city. A familiar face appeared in the forest in front of him,

"The stars are bright tonight." She said, keeping her distance,

"They shine with the moon." She smiled the moment he finished speaking,

"I was worried that something had happened to you when Morrigan called us to meet,"

"It's a good job she doesn't know how the message system works, or she'd have tried to speak to you all individually." The female stepped towards him, and raised an eyebrow,

"Azriel."

"I'm fine, I was just, indisposed."

"That's a funny way of saying imprisoned by your asshole brother."

"It doesn't matter, you're here to tell me what everyone else could not."

"Keir has no idea that there's even been whisperings of rebellion in the mountains, if he had, you'd have the Darkbringers to contend with as well. As for where these 'rebels' might have gone, I'm afraid I have nothing, although it would be worthwhile to call reports from Hybern and the continent, perhaps they have gone there, or another Court."

"They're very unlikely to be at another Court, Helion would never allow it, nor would Thesan, Tarquin or Kallias, Beron might, but he sees Illyrians as lesser faeries, so I doubt it, and not even Tamlin is stupid enough to get involved in a war against us. Rhys is still mad at him for everything he did to Feyre, I don't think even she would be able to stop him if Tamlin ended up on the other side of a battlefield. But I will ask."

"You seem stressed."

"Oh really? What a surprise."

"You know what I mean. More than I would have expected, doesn't have anything to do with the priestess does it?"

"Don't you get involved too," Azriel groaned, "I already have Cassian grinning at me every time she and I are in the same room, and Rhys has caught on now, so Cauldron spare me if they get a chance to talk to her about whatever is between us."

"Can we expect to meet her at some point? I heard she helped you escape,"

"Helped is an understatement, she saved my life. Anyone she wants to meet will be up to her, but she may need to help me if this war kicks off like I'm expecting." Azriel tried to ignore the knowing smile, "I'm serious, Madelyn, don't get involved." Maddy snorted at his tone,

"Oh dear gods, you sound my father when I got home after my curfew." Azriel stiffened at the mention of Maddy's father, "Oh, stop it, go back to worrying about your girlfriend, and leave my miserable childhood out of it, although I must admit, it would be amusing to see his reaction to my life now, seventy-five, no husband, no children, I mean," she absentmindedly rubbed the ring on her left hand, "I suppose he ought to be pleased that I am married." Azriel smiled,

"Tell Josie I said hello, will you? And look after yourselves until I figure out exactly what our next move is." Maddy nodded, and waved before winnowing away. Azriel sighed as he noted the sun's position, just one more meeting, then he could get home.

*****

Gwyn closed her book with a sigh, the silence around her was broken only by her own breaths, and the sound of Azriel's shadows rootling through the bookshelves. She laughed out loud when they found a book and floated it across the air, dropping it into her lap before retreating to her shoulders to watch her read the title. Gwyn could have sworn that she sensed some sort of satisfaction, and amusement, but it wasn't fae, wasn't quite sentient either, it just sort of existed, a whisper next to her ear, but she couldn't quite make out the words,

"Is that you?" She demanded, reaching out for the shadows, and chuckled when they all shot for her left hand, "You remember that, huh? Don't scare me like that."

Or what?

Gwyn started at the distinct whisper, barely audible, but smirked at the offending shadow,

"Or I'll tell Azriel on you." She said, opening the book they'd brought her, ignoring the offended gasps from the shadows, at least until they took the book away from her, "Hey! I liked that book!" She couldn't make out their response, but from what she knew of them, it was probably for the best. She was still trying to get the book back when the front door opened, although she only noticed when Rhys called her name,

"Gwyn," he chuckled when she grabbed onto the book, immediately losing it as she lost concentration,

"That was your fault!"

"I'm sure, I thought you might like to meet Altheia, since you're here," Gwyn smiled softly at the Illyrian female stood behind Rhys, and her face lit up into a grin the moment Gwyn met her eyes. Gwyn had never met her before, but there was something familiar in her eyes, her smile,

"Just Theia, please, you're just as bad as the other two, Rhysie," Gwyn snorted at the nickname, and Theia smiled again, shoving Rhys out of the way, "I hear you've been looking after my Azzy, thank you." Her Azzy? Gwyn struggled for words, but Theia continued, "You're even more beautiful than his letters said."

"You're his Mom?" Theia nodded, and grinned,

"He wouldn't tell me much, but Rhysie mentioned a few things when he came to fetch me, apparently it's not safe any more, so thank you for looking after him, Cauldron knows he needs it sometimes."

"You're telling me," Gwyn muttered, and laughed when Theia collapsed into an armchair, twisting her wings carefully to avoiding sitting on them, "it's like he's trying to get himself killed sometimes."

"No matter what you or I say, he'll still be the idiot he's always been. Rhysie says that you've been training with Azzy and Cass, you revived the Valkyries?"

"Yes, and Nesta, Feyre's sister, Cassian's mate, she and Cass have moved down here as well, so I'm sure you'll meet her soon, and Emerie, from Windhaven. Nesta began training first, then she got us to join her, and we're starting to try to rebuild a proper Valkyrie unit. We're by no means experts, but we've done as much research as possible, and Cass actually fought alongside them! He's been helping us to replicate old Valkyrie training as best as possible, and Az has been teaching me how to move and fight silently, and-" Gwyn broke off as a book landed in her lap, the same book that the shadows had stolen earlier, "And these pains in the ass have adopted me." She froze as she realized that she'd been rambling, "Sorry, I talk a lot when I'm nervous,"

"You have no reason to be nervous, I'm thrilled to finally meet you. It's not every female that will will really see my son, and not be frightened off, I don't think he could frighten you off, I think you see beneath the frightening front he puts on."

"It's difficult not to when you've seen him in the morning. A while ago, there was some magic with the library that went wrong and attacked me, and he slept in a chair next to me all night. When I woke up in the morning, he was still there, and gods, his hair was ridiculous, I don't know what he did to deal with it, 'cause I failed miserably!" Theia nodded, and chuckled,

"You should see it every time he comes to visit me, even after he's tried to tidy it from the flight, it's always messy."

*****

Azriel sighed as he trudged up the steps to the River House, desperate to bathe and check that everyone was still alive, especially Gwyn. He froze when he heard her laugh floating down the corridor, and another's, that wasn't possible, she wasn't here. Azriel followed the sound, and almost laughed with joy at the sight of his mother sitting across from Gwyn, laughing about anything and everything,

"Hi, Mom."

"Azzy!" Theia shot to her feet, immediately throwing her arms around him, and tutted at the sight of his hair, trying to flatten it back down,

"Mom! I've been flying, it's fine." Gwyn just giggled,

"Dreadful, isn't he?"

"You just wait, sweetheart," wait for what? What were they planning? "Oh don't look so frightened, Azzy, we don't have any evil master plans. Yet," she added, grinning at Gwyn, but made to leave them to talk, lingering long enough to see Azriel pull Gwyn to her feet and embrace her,

"Nothing helpful." He muttered, letting out a sigh,

"At least we know where to start looking, there can't be any immediate threat, right?"

"Probably not, but it would be just my luck that there's a sneak attack on the city while i'm not here to watch your back." Gwyn pulled back just enough to meet his eyes,

"How would they manage that? In case you didn't notice, Rhys is in the city, those wards are not breaking."

"I know, I know, I just worry." Azriel's head snapped back to the door when Rhys appeared there, Cassian and Nesta on his heels,

"What is the big deal, Rhysand?" Nesta snapped, "We were about to go to bed, there'd better be a good reason you're keeping me from sleeping."

"Oh, there is. The mortal queens have declared war on the  Night Court."

[ssa-babygirl]

Out of My League [Part 3]

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader

Word count: ~4.5k 

Summary: Nothing brings two friends together like a bit of grief with a side of daddy issues. (Mixed POV, includes flashbacks)

Warning(s): As the summary states, angst, grief and daddy issues, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of cancer, a few swear words, i think that’s it??? i use the word “smile” like 138407894 times i’m so sorry i hate noticing my crutch words

Author’s Note: I am SO sorry how long this took I honestly have no excuse, this chapter isn’t even that great but this is only two thirds of what I actually intended this part to be so GUESS WHAT I SPLIT IT UP!!!! the next part shouldn’t take too long (I say that but watch it’s gonna take like another year) and it’s gonna be super fluffy so DON’T Y’ALL WORRY IT’S GONNA BE FLUFF CENTRAL FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF CHAPTERS

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

WASHINGTON D.C., 2007

(Reader POV)

You had only been to D.C. a few times before to visit your dad, normally under happier circumstances, such as him getting sworn in for another term, but this time was not the case. You got the phone call from your mother the evening before when you quickly packed yours and Jamie’s bags for the flight that left later that night. The few hours you had spent in D.C. already felt like long days. You were physically and emotionally exhausted. Jamie had never been on a plane before and was grappling with the effects of jet lag.

You needed a bit of a pick-me-up yourself, so you ran over to a coffee shop for a bit of a change of scenery. It was about eight o'clock in the morning when you heard your name being called, but not by the barista making your drinks, but by a familiar voice that you had only heard over the phone for a couple of months since his last visit home. You turned around to face the source and locked eyes with Spencer.

“Hey!” You smiled, trying your best to not look like you had just had the longest 24 hours of your life.

“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you say you were gonna be in town?”

“I didn’t know I was gonna be in town until last night!” Spencer could see right through you. He pursed his lips, not asking what was wrong yet, but still opting to check-in and make sure you’re okay.

“How are you feeling? Jet lagged?”

“Some profiler.” Your chuckle came out more annoyed than you would have liked it to. 

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, just getting some coffee--”

“No, like, are you okay?” He knew something was wrong, he wasn’t stupid, quite the opposite, by a long shot.

“I’m fine, Spence,” you lied through your teeth.

“Then who isn’t?” Panic and worry flashed across his face, “Is Jamie okay?

“Yes! He’s fine!” You couldn’t help but smile at the relief Spencer displayed that your son was safe and well, his hand coming up to rest over his heart. You hesitated for a second before giving in and telling him why you seemed so off, “My dad’s sick in the hospital.”

“Oh! Do they know what’s wrong with him?”

“Yep. Stage 4 lung cancer.” Your dad had been a smoker for most of your life. He tried to quit after Jamie was born, but the damage had already been done.

Spencer looked genuinely heartbroken as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying to think of what to say next “Do you know how much time he has?”

“Couple of weeks if we’re lucky.”

His eyebrow furrowed and his golden eyes softened to an impossible degree, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This wasn’t sudden, we’ve been expecting it, but when the doctor says eight to twelve months, and you get through month eight, you start hoping it’s gonna be twelve.”

“Are you going back to the hospital now?”

“Yeah-”

“I’ll come with you!”

“Don’t you have work?”

“I don’t have to be there for another hour and,” he checks his watch, which was pulled over the sleeve of his dark gray cardigan, “fifty-six minutes.”

“The hospital’s out of the way and you hate being late.”

“I hate the thought of you going through this alone even more.” You tried to ignore the warm and fuzzy feeling that gave you but ultimately failed. Those big brown eyes refused to stop studying your face, analyzing any signs that you needed him, which to be fair, you did.

“I’m not alone, I got Jamie and my mom.”

“Even more the reason for me to want to go with you.” He finally dropped the solemn frown and took up a bright smile instead. You swore his grin was contagious because, by the time you both got your coffees, you were smiling just as wide.

You drove back to the hospital in comfortable silence. Walking back to your father’s room felt easier with him by your side. Jamie looked up from his drawing as he saw you approach, beaming at you and his favorite federal agent.

“Doctor Spencer!” He came running up to him and hugging his legs.

“Hey, little man!” Spencer ruffled his hair and grinned down at the tiny human squeezing his arms around his thigh.

Your mother looked up from her book, “Doctor? Spencer? Wait. As in…”

“Yeah, mom.”

She stands and wraps him in a hug, “Oh my goodness, sweetheart, you got so big! You’re all grown up! Oh, and you’re cute, too!” She pinched his now pink cheek as his face twisted into a bashful smile, “Right, Y/N? Spencer got cute!”

Now you were blushing a little.

Why am I blushing? I don’t blush over Spencer!

You pursed your lips and looked him up and down. His striped tie was crooked under his cardigan. His long hair was a bit shaggy, as if he rolled out of bed, showered, and decided to go to work. You just laughed nervously as you met Spencer’s eyes. God, those eyes. “Yeah… I’d say so.”

“You definitely grew into your looks. Honey, this is Spencer. Remember the boy that used to tutor Y/N?”

“Oh, nice to finally meet you, son, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Your father shifted in his bed, managing to sit up slightly.

“You too, sir, I just wish it could have been under better circumstances.”

“Don’t give me any of that ‘sir’ crap, I got enough of that working on the Hill,” your father chuckled but his hearty laugh quickly devolved into a coughing fit. Your mother sat back down on the bed next to him and fed him some ice chips to keep him hydrated.

“So, Spencer, Y/N says you work for the FBI now?” She turns her attention away from her husband and forces a smile.

“Yes! I do.”

You took a seat and sipped your coffee, “He was on the team that helped save Jamie, remember?”

“What division are you in?” Your dad asked.

“The Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

“I got some buddies in the bureau, who’s your supervisor?”

“Aaron Hotchner?”

“Oh, I knew him in his prosecutor days. Helluva lawyer, he got some of my clients put away.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be, they were guilty, weren’t they?”

Spencer’s phone rang in his pocket, “Speaking of which, I have to go. Got a case.”

“Go! Don’t be late!”

“Go catch the bad guy, Doctor Spencer!”

“Will do, Jamie.” He ruffled his hair before turning to your parents, “Goodbye, Mr. and Mrs. L/N, it was great seeing you.”

“Bye, sweetheart, don’t be a stranger!”

“I’ll walk you out, return the favor.” You walked quietly with him.

“Listen, I don’t know when I’ll be home from this, but I’ll let you know when I get back, and if you’re still here just give me a call, okay?”

“Of course, Spence. Now go catch the bad guy!” You grinned as you parroted your son’s words. He returned your smile and pulled you into a hug. You could feel tears brimming in your eyes, but you fought it off best you could. Spencer could still sense your pain and hugged you as tight as possible. You were the one to pull away first, patting his back and forcing your pursed lips into a smile. His phone started to ring shortly after.

“Don’t let me keep you.”

            (Spencer’s POV)

The case went on for too long. Two whole weeks passed before we were able to come home from Minneapolis. A man was strangling women with short black hair between the ages 30-40 because they reminded him of his mother, it’s standard stuff, it should have been a pretty cut and dry case, but the guy was almost impossible to find, he was completely off the grid. It took Garcia days to just get us a name, let alone contact information. He killed two other women while we were there. One of them was a mother, she had three kids all under the age of 10. Cases like these were always tough, but Gideon had seen enough to talk us all through it. I still wasn’t used to him being gone.

I couldn’t get any sleep on the jet. The nightmares have been coming back with a vengeance since Gideon left. He was like a father to me, my protector, my mentor, and now I have no one.

That’s hyperbolic; I do have the team, and they miss him too, but I’m pretty much alone out on the field. I know I can go to them, but it doesn’t feel right. I don’t like to rely on others because when they leave, I’m by myself.

Which is exactly why I am the only one awake on the jet home.

I suppose I wasn’t totally alone, I could call Y/N, but I wouldn’t wanna bother her if she was with her family. She only has so much time left with her dad. I took my phone out of my pocket anyway and saw a missed call from her last night, I hadn’t seen it before because of the case. If she wanted to talk she probably needed to, right?

I mulled it over in my head, and before I could even come to a decision, my fingers worked on autopilot, dialing the same number I had memorized years ago, and hit call.

Las Vegas, 1994

I picked up the book from the top of the pile she set down on the counter, “You’re reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

“Yeah, for class.”

“If you need any help with that, my mother was a classics professor, I’ve read most of Shakespeare’s works.”

“Really? That’s cool. I’ve read the basics in other classes, Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Macbeth, all that, but this one is definitely my favorite so far.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! I don’t know why, but the idea of falling in love with the wrong person just sorta… I dunno… resonates, I guess.”

“Yeah, same here.”

She snorted, “You’re like 12, how would you know about that?”

I bit my lip before explaining, “Reminds me of my parents. They loved each other at one point, obviously, but not enough to stop my dad from leaving us.”

She cringed to herself as if she realized some horrible mistake, “Jeez, I’m sorry, man.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

“How long ago did he leave?”

“Two years ago.”

“So it’s just been you and your mom?”

“Yeah.”

She stared at the pencil as she twisted it in between her fingers. Her eyes refused to meet mine. “My dad has worked in D.C. pretty much my whole life, and a lot of the time it was just my mom and me. He was always home for Christmas and birthdays, he came to all my recitals as a kid, but he was gone the rest of the year. I see him maybe… fifteen days out of the year?”

She finally looked up, if only for a second. Seeing her eyes, at last, I took note of the sadness behind them, “Which is fine, it’s better than nothing, but I don’t really have a dad the other 350 days of the year, you know? I could call him, but I don’t, it’s always ‘Sorry sweetheart, I’m a bit busy right now.’”

“Yeah, my dad was always too busy too.”

“I know our situations are still really different, and you probably already know this after two years, but it does get easier.”

Present Day

(Reader POV)

You click the button to answer the call, “Spencer?”

“Hey! We’re landing soon, you still in D.C.?” His voice is scratchy like he had just woken up, or like he hadn’t spoken to anyone in a couple of hours.

“Y-yeah! I’m still staying with my mom.”

“How’s your dad?”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t have to, your silence answered his question well enough.

“Oh, shit…” Spencer groaned, “God, Y/N, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be, you didn’t know.”

“How long ago?”

“Last week, the funeral was yesterday.” You could hear him grimace over the phone.

“Y/N I am… so sorry I couldn’t be there for you—”

“Don’t be! You had to work, it’s okay, Spencer.”

“I should have called sooner.”

You almost laughed at his tone, “Spencer, you were catching a serial killer, it’s not your responsibility to make sure I’m okay.”

“I know, but—”

“But nothing. I’m fine.”

“How’s Jamie, god, how’s your mother?”

“She’s holding up. I’m helping her out for a while, I don’t want her to be in this house alone.” You decided to leave out the part about you putting a downpayment on an apartment a couple of blocks away from your mother’s house for now.

“How’s Jamie doing?” He asked with perfect timing as Jamie flopped onto the couch behind you.

“Wanna talk to him? He’s right here.”

“Can I? Please?”

“Jamie, baby, wanna talk to Doctor Spencer?” He didn’t even say yes before he leaped up from his seat and grabbed the phone from your hand.

“Hi, Doc!”

“Hey, little man! How’s it going? How are you?” You could still hear his excited voice even though it was nowhere near your ear anymore. It brought a smile to your face as you saw Jamie light up at the sound of your friend on the other side of the call.

“I’m okay. Did you catch the bad guy?”

“Yes, Jamie, we got him. How’s your mom?”

“She’s saying she’s fine, but she’s still really sad.”

“Well, can you put her back on with me?” Jamie hands the phone back to you and runs off to return to his coloring book and crayons.

You sighed before putting the phone back to your ear, “Don’t worry about me, Spence—”

“Come to the BAU.”

He said the words so fast you almost needed him to repeat it, “What?”

“I mean it, I’ll call you when we land, come visit. Bring Jamie and your mom.”

“Won’t you have a ton of work to do when you land?”

“I couldn’t sleep, I did all my paperwork on the jet.”

“Spencer—”

“Please. I need to see you guys.” He was practically begging. It tugged at your heart in a familiar way, but there was a pit in your stomach that you couldn’t place.

“What happened on the case?”

He sighed, “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Just come in like, an hour.”

You tried to lighten the mood just a little bit, “My mom’s been obsessively baking, want us to bring you your favorite?”

“Did she make her famous oatmeal cookies?” You could almost see his face and the way his brown eyes lit up, even while he was on a plane hours away.

The image brought a soft smile to your face and sparked a tiny bit of light in your heart, “Yep!”

“Y/N L/N, if you bring me some, I will be forever indebted to you.”

“You owe me nothing, Doctor Reid.”

               Security waved you through to the elevator, Spencer had cleared you for entry already. One guard hit the button for the sixth floor and sent you up, one hand holding Jamie’s and the other holding a Tupperware of your mom’s cookies. When the doors opened, you saw the entrance to the bullpen, desks filled with paperwork, and busy agents trying to get it all done. As the three of you crept through the hall to the glass doors, your eyes locked onto Spencer, who was sprawled out in his office chair with a thick book, legs propped up on his desk, and glasses balanced on the ridge of his nose.

“Hi! Who are you here to see?” A chipper blonde with purple cat eyeglasses and curly ponytails waved at you from down the hall.

“Spencer Reid?”

“Oh! He mentioned he’d have visitors, you must be Y/N! I’m Penelope.”

“That’s a pretty name!” Jamie beamed up to the woman, who clutched a hand over her heart and returned his smile.

“Oh! Thank you, sweetheart! What’s your name, kiddo?”

“Jamie!”

“Oh you are just precious, he is precious, Y/N, good kid.”

You laughed at the pair’s enthusiasm, “Thank you, can we just go straight in?”

“Yep! Go ahead!”

You walked up to his desk and placed the cookies next to his computer, pulling his attention away from his book. He turned to look up at you, closing the book and throwing it where his feet rested before he jumped up to wrap his arms around you. Jamie hugged his leg and your mother pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Hey, how are you guys doing?”

“Spencer, we’re fine.”

He didn’t say anything, just examined your face for any sign of a lie. The frustration on his face said he didn’t find one.

“Stop profiling me, I’m okay.”

“Mommy, can I have a cookie now?” Jamie eyed the container like a hawk; he shared Spencer’s love of oatmeal cookies, especially from your mom.

“Right! You brought your cookies, thank you so much, Mrs. L/N.”

“You’re not a kid anymore, honey, you can call me by my first name.”

“No, I absolutely cannot,” he laughed.

“Y/N?”

You turned around and saw the woman who hugged you while you cried when you thought your son was gone: JJ.

“Hi! Good to see you again!” You brought her in for a hug while Spencer continued to catch up with Jamie and your mom.

“You too! Jamie got so big!” 

“Yeah, he’s starting 3rd grade soon!” You reached around to ruffle Jamie’s hair.

“When does he start?”

“A few weeks! We gotta go back to school shopping!”

“Ooh, that’s exciting! So you’re heading home soon?”

“Um…” You glanced at Spencer and your mom, who was pestering him about whether or not he had a girlfriend, “Actually, I just thought it would be best for us to stay close to my mom. Jamie likes it here, so we’re actually going to be moving here before school starts.”

“A new school! Are you excited, Jamie?”

“Yeah!”

Spencer, still a blushing mess thanks to your mother’s nosiness, sputtered out “Uh… Excited for what?”

“To move to D.C.!” You raised your hands in a little “Surprise!” motion.

“W-what?” He couldn’t stop himself from looking delighted even if he tried.

“We’re moving here to stay close to my mom.”

“She’s been such a good help,” she gestured to the cookies, half gone over the course of the conversation, “I’m not really ready to give her up just yet.”

“Spence, you should show her around!” JJ’s face had an unreadable look, but I guess that’s what profilers are for “Take her sightseeing. Jamie, have you been to the Washington Monument yet?”

“Nope! Doctor Spencer, can you take us?”

“Sure, little man, you want your mom and grandma to come with?”

“Yes!”

Spencer grinned at him, ruffling his curls before smiling at you. His eyes were scrunched into thin lines from his cheeks, but there was still something behind them. Something you couldn’t quite read. His smile softened slightly and you finally got a clear view of his hazel eyes. His lips parted like he was about to say something, but Jamie cut him off again.

“Ooh! Ooh! Can we go to the Smithsonian?”

“Oh, honey, you’re gonna wish you didn’t say that,” JJ joked.

“The kid knows everything, you’ll be there for hours,” a deep voice said behind you.

“Morgan!” You smiled and stretched your arms out to hug him.

“Good to see you again, Y/N.”

When you turned back to Spencer, his warm grin was gone, replaced by a glare directed at Morgan. Had something happened with them? Last you heard they were best friends. Maybe that’s what happened on the case? Maybe that’s why he was so upset on the phone? Whatever it was had to be bad because he barely spoke for the rest of the visit.

               A few weeks later, after you were all moved into your new apartment and Jamie was settled into his new school, you called Spencer. He owed you a trip to the Washington Monument. On your little day trip, there was no such thing as silence. Even in the quiet museum, Spencer’s voice filled the air, spewing facts about the monument, the memorial, the exhibits, and everything in between. Jamie loved to learn, so he hung onto every word that he heard.

“Plans for the monument’s development actually started in 1783, before Washington was even elected president. D.C. wasn’t even the capital of the country yet. Washington was actually against the monument because he didn’t want to use public funds for it, but after his death, Congress wanted to build him a mausoleum--”

You didn’t mind the rants. You still loved to listen to him ramble. Even if you didn’t understand what he was talking about sometimes, the sound of his voice was just soothing, especially after the stress of moving across the country. 

Jamie got tired after walking around all day after the tour of the National Museum of Natural History and the Washington Monument, so your mom offered to take him home. You planted a kiss to his forehead and ruffled his hair, hugging your mom goodbye as Spencer high fived him and waved as they went off in the direction of home.

“You know, you didn’t have to stay with me. If you wanna go home too, you can.”

“No. I wanna stay with you.”

A small smile crept across his lips, blush rising to his cheeks. He bit his lips and looked down at his feet as he started walking off to the next stop on his little tour.

“Where to now, Doc?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Come on, tell me, tell me!”

“No, ��cuz then it’s not a surprise!”

“I’m aware of the definition of surprise, you don’t need to have an eidetic memory to know that.” You would just have to rely on your less refined profiling skills to figure out where you were going. You were on foot, so it couldn’t be too far. 

“Why aren’t we taking a cab?”

“Because I wanna walk with you.”

Just hail a cab, it takes way less time than--

Oh.

You walked side by side for the remainder of the distance. He did most of the talking, telling you stories about the team. You took notice of the softness in his voice when he talked about Morgan. He wasn’t bitter anymore. 

“--And then Garcia answered the phone.”

“Oh, god, what’d she say?”

“‘Talk dirty to me.’”

“No!”

“Yep!”

“She said that to your boss.”

“Morgan was mortified, you should have seen his face.”

You looked at him while he grinned at the memory. It was the most at peace you’d seen him in… well, a while.

“So… you guys are cool now?”

The peace was replaced with confusion, “What do you mean?”

Your pace faltered, but you kept walking, “Didn’t you guys…? Weren’t you fighting?”

“No? Why would you think that?”

You pursed your lips and furrowed your brows, “No reason.”

Why else would he have been mad at Morgan when I went to visit? You thought, There’s no other reason! Unless… 

Oh--

“We’re here!” Spencer stopped in his tracks, looking up at a large white structure with tall windows and stone carvings decorating the walls. You turned and saw the sign out front that read: “Folger Shakespeare Library.”

“Spencer…” You gaped at the sign, a small, awe-filled smile tugging at your lips.

“I remembered how much you loved Shakespeare in school, I thought you’d get a kick out of this.”

“Spencer, this is… This is wonderful!”

“Good surprise?”

“Great surprise!”

You grabbed him by the arm and tugged him up the front steps as he digs through his pockets for his wallet. Once inside, he bought two tickets for the next show: Midsummer Night’s Dream. Your favorite. It didn’t start for another half hour, so he led you to the reading room.

The room was beautiful, to put it lightly. Three ornate chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The furniture and accents were all done in a dark wood, shelves packed tightly with books. The setting sun shone through the breathtaking stained glass windows. An unlit fireplace rested against the wall. Spencer led you up to the second level, a balcony wrapping around the border of the room. 

“Thank you for today,” you beamed, “I haven’t seen Jamie that happy since…”

“I know the feeling. I haven’t felt this okay since…” His gaze dropped to his feet, trying to swallow the words that came out too soon.

“Since what?”

“Since uh...” He glanced back up to your face, “Since Gideon left the team.”

Spencer never told you he left. Agent Gideon kept tabs on Jamie after his rescue. For the last three years, he got a card in the mail on Christmas and his birthday. He always checked in and asked how he was doing. When you went to visit Spencer at the BAU a few weeks ago, you wanted to say hi to Agent Gideon and thank him for his consideration, but you hadn’t seen him. You thought he was just taking a personal day, he worked too hard anyways from what Spencer told you. 

“Spence, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you’d care.”

The words were like a spark that shocked your heart awake from a lovely sleep, and now it was upset to be so rudely awoken, “Of course I care! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t wanna know the reason you’ve been so… off.”

“What do you mean ‘off?’”

“You don’t have to be a profiler to see you haven’t been yourself in… when did Gideon leave?”

He played with a loose thread on the sleeve of his sweater and looked back down at his feet, the toe of his converse nudging at the emerald green carpet, “Couple of months ago.”

“You could have told me.”

“You’ve had your own stuff going on. It’s not that bad.”

“You don’t have to convince yourself that you aren’t having a hard time just because I am. You don’t always have to be the hero.”

“Neither do you, you know.”

“I really am fine.”

“Y/N, he was your dad, you’re allowed to be upset.”

“I am, okay?” You snapped, “I miss him like hell! He was always just one phone call away and now…” One hand carded through your hair as you inhaled deeply, placing your other hand on the banister beside you to steady yourself.

“I’m not going to pretend that our situations are the same because they aren’t, but I’ll tell you the same thing you told me when we were kids.” He placed his hand close to yours on the banister, your fingers almost touching. Almost. “It gets easier, not seeing him every day. But just ‘cuz he wasn’t around doesn’t mean you can’t feel bad.”

You force a smile, “Thanks, Spence.”

“Of course.” He wrapped his arms around you and held you tight. The hug wasn’t particularly emotional. Neither one of you felt like you were about to cry, it just felt nice to be in each other's embrace.

“Show’s starting soon.” He muttered into your ear before pulling away, walking off towards the theater with you following close behind.

Taglist~~~

Lmk if you wanna be added! Some names didn’t work so if you don’t see your name as a tag just dm me a url and I’ll try to fix it

@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @baby-pogue @rottenearly @confused-and-really-hungry @thatsonezesty13 @deni-gonzalez @irjuejjsaa @randomfandomshitposts @bisoner @moonstarrnghtsky @smurfflynn @eldahae​ @t0xicllama​ @undeniablyyou​ @staplernpaper @theweirdobella​ @sammypotato67​ @k-k0129​ @helloniallslovelies​

[lyranova]

Change of Plans

Hi guys! So this is an Alikari fic I’ve been working on haha, I’m working on everything else too so please don’t worry 🥺💕! I’m gonna try and finish my request/event requests this upcoming week, this week has just been a mess so sorry! Anyway I hope you all enjoy~!

Taglist: @eme-eleff @thoughtfullyrainynightmare @toutorii @crazyclownthanos @elysianluv @ckjwnnbc @bowandcurtsey @simpingforthisonedeer @jovialnoise

Word Count: 2,038

Warnings: None

———

Hikari huffed a bit as she waited for Josslyn to arrive, the pink haired girl had said she would go out with her today since it was Valentine’s Day and neither one had a date, it would be a girls night Josslyn had said. Hikari looked around the small courtyard in front of the castle and sighed softly. This is where Josslyn had told her to meet since they weren’t in the same squad and she was just getting back from a mission. Hikari tapped her foot impatiently; Josslyn was a tardy person, something she had inherited from her father, but this was ridiculous! She had told Hikari she would be back by 4 and it was now 6:30 pm. Maybe the girl had forgotten? No, that didn’t seem to be like Josslyn. Maybe she got held up? That seemed more likely, or maybe Josslyn found a date?

Hikari shook her head, she doubted Josslyn would go out with anyone today. But you never knew with her sometimes, the girl was very unpredictable. Hikari turned as she sensed a familiar Ki, it wasn’t Josslyn, but it was someone else that she was pretty happy to see.

Alistar Vangeance, her best friend, and fellow magic knight. Although he was in the Golden Dawn instead of the Black Bulls, and yet they still did quite a few missions together. The white haired boy smiled softly as he approached her and he had a slightly confused look in his eyes.

“ Hikari? What’re you doing here?” He asked curiously as he came to stand next to the raven haired girl. Alistar had had a crush on Hikari since they were 15 years old, and now they were in their 20’s and he still hadn’t asked her out on a date, or told her about his feelings yet. Hikari let out another small sigh at his question.

“ I’m waiting for Josslyn, although it doesn’t seem like she’s going to appear anytime soon.” Hikari muttered as she crossed her arms. Alistar tilted his head in confusion.

“ I just saw her leave with Ezio a short while ago, why are you waiting for her?” He asked curiously, he watched Hikari’s blue eyes widen as she looked at him.

“ She left with Ezio and didn’t say anything?!” Hikari shouted in irritation, Alistar blinked a bit.

“ Well, I don’t think Ezio gave her the time to. He kinda took her hand and dragged her through a portal and said he had something he wanted to show her.” Alistar said with a shrug, it was no secret that Ezio Roulacase had a crush on Josslyn so it wasn’t very surprising if he came up with some excuse just to spend time with the girl. Hikari groaned and shook her head.

“ Of course he didn’t. Well, I guess so much for going out tonight.” Hikari grumbled as she suddenly plopped down onto the edge of the fountain that sat in the middle of the courtyard, Alistar frowned a bit as he looked her up and down. She was dressed rather nice; she was wearing a dark blue dress with stockings underneath. She had her hair down as usual, but a small braid sat beside her right ear, and she wore a pair of heels. That's when it dawned on Alistar; she and Josslyn were having a girls night out, and because of Ezio and his antics, now Hikari had no one to go out with!

This would not do at all.

Alistar let out a soft sigh as he held his hand out to Hikari. The raven haired girl frowned at him and followed his outstretched hand all the way up to his face, he was still smiling at her.

“ Come on, we’re not going to let this night go to waste. Especially since you look so…” he paused for a moment and Hikari watched a soft pink tinged his cheeks. “ beautiful.” He added softly, Hikari let out a snort.

“ Yeah right, you say that to all the women. That’s why you have such a huge fan club.” Hikari said with a laugh, it wasn’t a lie as Alistar did have quite a few female admirers, and he always tried to compliment them whenever they saw him and decided to speak with him.

“ Yeah but...nevermind, anyway come on let’s go.” Alistar continued, his hand still outstretched and his smile never waning. Hikari shook her head but took his hand and he helped her up. Hikari let go of his hand and began walking towards the city, with the white haired boy following behind her.

———

This was a nightmare.

Everything Alistar had thought of that would maybe be fun didn’t seem to improve Hikari’s mood. Even the things Alistar knew she would enjoy she didn’t seem too. It made him sad in a way, that it appeared she would rather be hanging out with Josslyn instead of him but that's just how life went. Alistar glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, she was looking around at the stalls, maybe she would find something that caught her eye and he could buy it for her?

“ It’s Alistar Vangeance!” Alistar and Hikari both suddenly turned just in time to see at least a dozen women come running towards the Golden Dawn's Captain. The women quickly surrounded the young man and somehow managed to push Hikari out. The raven haired girl let out an irritated huff as Alistar tried to get a word in edgewise with the women.

This always seemed to happen when it was busy in the city and the two of them were out, Alistar would get surrounded by women, men, and even young kids, all asking him questions or just wanting to show their appreciation. It happened to Hikari as well, usually though it was proposals from men and she tended to put them in their places just like her mom had taught her too. But there had been a time where a group of men just didn’t seem to want to listen to her and before she could say or do anything Alistar had come up, wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, and he told the men to back off and that he was her boyfriend.

Hikari remembered the coldness in his tone, even though he kept what ooked like his usual smile, it was anything but that. It was much colder, and more menacing. The last time she had seen him look like that was when they had gone to the past all those years ago. After being pulled out of her memories she watched as Alistar tried to politely decline the women's offers for him to spend Valentine’s Day with them, but they didn’t seem to get the hint.

“ Hey! Back off.” Hikari shouted as she made her way through the crowd and came up to stand next to Alistar, he blinked in surprise at her before one of the women snickered.

“ And who are you?”

“ I’m Hikari Sukehiro, and I’m his girlfriend/bodyguard. So if you’ll excuse us.” Hikari announced with her head held high before grabbing a completely stunned Alistar and dragging him away from the crowd.

Alistar had to admit, he was pleasantly surprised by her actions and her telling the women that she was his girlfriend. It made his heart flutter. He had always dreamed of her saying that someday, so for her to actually say it? It was almost a dream come true and it made him want to do as Leon said and try to confess to her sooner rather than later.

Alistar suddenly gripped Hikari’s hand tightly, causing her to look at him, and he turned towards her with a small playful smirk on his face.

“ Run.” Alistar said before quickly taking off with the raven haired girl in tow, Hikari looked behind them to see if someone were maybe chasing them and that's why he decided to run so suddenly. But there was no one there. She looked back at him in slight surprise; he was just running for the sake of running. She shook her head and ran with him.

The two magic knights ran through the busy streets of the capital, weaving and dodging around people and crowds. The two of them were laughing and smiling brightly as though they were both young teens instead of young adults. The people just frowned at them, someone did shout and let out curses, but the two didn’t care. They should be allowed to have fun and be carefree every now and then, especially since their work was dangerous and sometimes they weren’t sure if they would live to see tomorrow when they went on missions.

The two ran so far and so fast that they didn’t realize they had actually run until they were outside of the city, they were in a small clearing just before you walked into the East Woods. It gave the perfect view of the night sky, you could see almost every single star that was in the dark sky. Alistar looked over and saw Hikari staring up at them, her smile brighter than any of the stars. He let go of her hand for a brief moment before taking a couple of steps forward and sitting down on the ground. He patted the spot next to him and Hikari chuckled.

“ What, not gonna take your cape off for me like the gentleman that you are?” She teased, Alistar blinked and was about to take his cape off before she quickly stopped him. “ I was just kidding, don’t actually do that!” She added with a small laugh before sitting down next to him, she watched as an embarrassed blush rose to his cheeks.

The two leaned back and laid down on the grass as they just watched the stars and sat in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company.

“ I’m sorry Hikari,” Alistar suddenly mumbled with a sigh, Hikari frowned in confusion and quickly turned to look at him. “ I know tonight was a complete bust and you probably would’ve had more fun if it had been with Josslyn instead of me. So I wanted to apologize that I couldn’t make tonight more enjoyable for you.”

Hikari frowned in confusion, tonight was a bust? She didn’t think it was. Sure at first she wasn’t having much fun since she was still fuming about Josslyn. But as the night went on and the more time she spent with Alistar, she noticed the happier she got. Although she wasn’t very happy when the women decided to try and take Alistar, afterwards, when he suddenly took off running down the street and the two of them laughed and smiled together, that was the best part of the night. Besides right now of course.

“ Tonight was enjoyable for me, Alistar. I don’t need to go do a bunch of things to have fun, just us hanging out and spending time together is fun for me.” Hikari told him with a small smile. “ Honestly, as much as I would have loved hanging out with Josslyn today. I think I prefered spending time with you today anyway. Josslyn and I can do something else another day.” Alistar turned to look at her as his cheeks turned a slight shade of pink at her words.

Alistar let out a sigh of relief before he placed his arms underneath his head and he closed his eyes, a warm happy smile on his face. He was so glad that he made her happy today, that was his entire goal tonight was to cheer her up. If just spending time with him did that, then he couldn’t ask for anything more.

“ Good. I’m glad you had fun.” He told her softly, Hikari frowned a bit as she looked at Alistar, really looked at him.

The way he smiled, so warmly and so softly, the way his messy white hair gently moved when a breeze went through, the way the moonlight shone on him, it made him almost look ethereal. ‘Huh, this is strange,’ Hikari thought suddenly, with wide eyes and a slight blush.

‘When did Alistar get so handsome?’

———

Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you guys enjoyed~! I’m sorry its all over the place haha, i’m gonna work on some requests and then my series soon I promise 🥺! Anyway thanks for reading and I hope you all have a good day~!

[jadoue1999]

The X-Men and the member they lost - Chapter 7

Summary:  The X-Men are finally back home, but there is much to talk about and a long road to go before everything goes back to normal. If they ever do.

Previous parts: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, 

Chapter 7: Grief and bonding

The X-men stared at the speedster in stunned silence as he stopped in front of them. Wanda was avoiding their gaze, obviously ashamed. She spoke with Charles, the telepath trying to see if she would be a good fit at the school.

“I want you to understand, Ms. Maximoff, that the last time we spoke you seemed very keen on keeping your world. While I understand why you did it, I expect you to find a better way to cope than… this.” He said, motioning to the town around them.

The woman nodded. “Yes, you’re right. It never should have come to this.” She quickly glanced at Peter with glassy eyes, “for what it’s worth, I never meant to bring him here. I was just so sad that my boys would never meet their uncle… I suppose my powers acted without me realizing.”

The wheelchair bound man slowly nodded his head in understatement before agreeing that it was better that she’d go with them. Erik had to agree. He might not have been thrilled about having his son’s captor living with them, but with this world and the lack of mutants; it was certain her future would be bleak. Government officials were already coming in, just waiting for an opening to take the woman away. Being stuck in isolation, unable to use their powers other than the occasional scientists’ visits was something he wished on no one. Plus, he could see how much Peter wanted her by his side. He’d tolerate her presence, for his son.

They marched through the portal, this time it was a lot faster and easier on the mind. Erik felt slightly nauseous, but it went away quickly. He noticed with a smirk how amazed Charles had been at the ease Wanda created an interdimensional portal. The school was overjoyed at seeing everyone back in one piece. The students flocked Peter with greetings and questions. Though it was the professor who took most of the questions. The speedster was apparently still a little confused about what had happened. The students were all wondering who Wanda was. The group settled on saying that she was a powerful mutant who had accidentally lost her way. Erik could see that the professor didn’t want to scare anyone.

Jean, Scott and Ororo suddenly ran to Peter and squeezed him in their arms. They were all laughing in relief, telling him how glad they were to have him back. Peter was... uncharacteristically quiet. He who was always babbling could barely keep up with all the attention. Erik could see him starting to fidget and anxiously looking around. Finally, the crowd of people seemed to be satisfied with the few answers they got and started to leave the group alone. Charles took the other members of the X-men with him, probably to fill them in on what had happened. Wanda stayed by herself, looking disoriented as ever. Hank offered to give her a tour, which she accepted after sharing an anxious glance with Peter. Soon enough, they were gone, leaving father and son together. The metal bender walked over and gently put a hand on his shoulder. He could see how nervous he was. “Hey, are you okay?” The speedster looked at him and nodded, “oh, yeah... just tired. It’s been a while.” Right. He had been in a small town living with four other people for who knows how long. Of course, coming back to a manor full of overexcited children would be overwhelming. “How long was it? For you?” He seemed lost in thoughts for a few seconds before he shook his head. “I’m not exactly sure. I’d say a few days, but it felt longer than that.”

They walked together to an empty room, where they could talk in peace. The sun was just setting, bathing the room in a soft glow. They sat opposite of one another, neither of them talking for nearly a minute.

“So… you’re my dad,” finally spoke up Peter. He chuckled to himself, “you know, I imagined this conversation a thousand time and yet I have no idea what to say right now.”

“Well, I know,” he smiled at his son, “thank you for releasing me from the Pentagon.”

Peter seemed a bit flustered at the sudden recognition, but a wide grin soon adorned his face. “Ah, it was nothing. Ask Charles or Hank, I literally did it for fun.”

Erik smirked in amusement; the speedster really was something. He wasn’t sure what he could tell him. It was no doubt his mother told him about their lineage, so she probably told him how they met. He probably knew most of his life story whereas he didn’t know much about him.

“Tell me about you?” he asked him. “I’ve missed so much of your life; I’d like to know you properly.”

Peter hummed, probably trying to decide what to say. “Uh… What do you know? Just so I have a starting point.”

“Well, thanks to Charles, I know that your real name is Pietro, and that you had a twin, but I don’t know much else.” He knew, of course about the Pentagon break and about En Sabah Nur, but he had left the mansion too quickly to learn anything else about him.

The speedster seemed taken aback by the mention of his true name, but quickly masked his surprise with an awkward grin. “Right… well first off, I don’t really use Pietro. It’s, uh, it’s what Wendy used to call me. She never really accepted to call me Peter other than in public and she’s, uh, she’s been gone for awhile, and I try to not think about it so much. So, I hope you don’t get too offended. I mean, that’s why I never mentioned it to anyone else before, cause I prefer Peter anyway; I’m trying to keep that part of my past in the past and-“

“It’s alright,” said Erik, interrupting his rambling. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll use Peter.”

That seemed to satisfy the young man, who visibly relaxed in his chair before changing the subject. “Thanks. Anyway, I didn’t really do much, just a year ago I still lived in my mother’s basement and stole anything I wanted.” He looked around him before grinning. “You know, the explosion that destroyed the mansion?” Erik nodded, him and Jean had taken quite a few days the rebuild the whole thing. They had both needed a few days of recovery after using their powers for such an extensive and detailed task. “Well, I’m the one that saved everyone from the explosion. They were all saved without any whiplash.“ His face suddenly darkened, “except for Scott’s brother. He was already vaporized by the time I got inside.”

The speedster continued his rambling for a few minutes, Erik nodding along and trying to keep up. He was glad that Peter was finally back to himself. The conversation turned to what had happened in Westview and he simply had to ask.

“Charles told me your mutation gave you protection against telepath.”

“Sure does!” he answered, knocking on his head twice with a smug grin. “No telepath goin’ in there any time soon. My thoughts are sealed.”

He might not have known much about his son, but he was well aware that he was trying to deflect the subject. “Yes… well I wanted to ask because we never got a real explanation. How did you end up with the necklace? How did it even work on you?”

Peter’s fingers unconsciously brushed against his neck as his eyes became distant. “Agnes… she, uh, she had this freaky book that told her how to deal with people like me. She said there had to be a physical object with the spell, so it could keep up with me.”

Erik hummed as he put his hands under his chin, it was a start, but there had to be more. “She didn’t do anything else?”

“Well, the spell was painful. It’s hard to explain, but I was trapped in my worst memories until it found an opening and it could take control of me. Definitely not something I’d recommend.”

Peter kept fidgeting as he recalled the events, so Erik decided to stop asking about it. Perhaps a happier subject would help. “Tell me about the twins, they seemed nice.”

A smile grew on Peter’s lips and Erik knew that he had hit the right spot. The speedster started talking about how amazing they were and how much fun they’d had. He gleamed as he recalled helping the younger speedster with video games and how he had teased them about stealing all their candies. And while he now felt bad about it, the teamwork they had done to deal with Kurt and Raven was something he felt particularly proud about; going as far as to refer to them as ‘mini X-Men in training’. That made them both smiles.

They talked for a very long time; the clock was nearing midnight. Erik could see his son starting to doze off and he let him sleep while he went to grab a book. He hadn’t been in Wanda’s world for long and he himself felt drained, he couldn’t imagine how tired his son must have been. He had been reading for about twenty minutes when a sudden gush of air made him look up to the now empty chair. He heard movements in the kitchen and decided to join him on his midnight snack. Peter was reaching into multiple cupboards, fixing himself what looked to be sugary cereals and various other things. With the quantity of food, he was taking out, he must have been very hungry.

“Are you alright?” Erik asked as the silver blur kept going around the kitchen.

“Sure am!” he answered, not looking at him. “Just needed a quick meal, I did that all the time when I was with Wanda.” He opened the doors to where the various dishes were and turned his head slightly to the side. “Now boys, what I’m about to show you is the ultimate combo-“ The speedster stopped himself before he could finish his sentence. He slowly turned to Erik with pained eyes and looked around.

“Peter?”

His son seemed like a shell of himself as he ever so slowly put down what he was holding. His eyes scanned the counter that held too much food, even for him, before he looked back at the man with teary eyes. “I, uh, I have to go.”

Before he could protest, Erik was alone in the kitchen. The food was back to where it had been, but the speedster hadn’t touched the dishes he had just taken out. The metal bender sighed as he realized his son had taken out 3 bowls. There would certainly be a long road ahead before Peter could heal from his grief.

***

Peter was glad to be back, he truly was. 

He got his team back, his mind back and his father knew about him and accepted him even with his rotten luck concerning family. Nothing had felt better than having his friends jumping on him and telling him how glad they were to have him back between two laughs. Then the overdue discussion he had with his dad had been great. He really couldn’t ask for a better ending. However, his life in Westview had been so unique, so unlike anything he’d ever known before. There wasn’t the fear of being discovered because Wanda had made sure that they could use their powers without people staring. And there was no constant threat, save from Agnes, but they didn’t know at the time. Most of all, he felt complete. The overwhelming grief he had felt ever since Wendy had died wasn’t present because his twin was with him. She had never left in the first place. And he not only had his sister with him, but she was also married. Sure, her choice of husband was strange but who was he to judge? Vision had been pleasant company, even though they hadn’t talked much.

Then... then there were the boys. He had never thought himself as parental figure material. Hell, he was older than most student, but could still fit in better than most. He wasn’t exactly the most mature person. Still, he never thought he’d be a good role model. Then, he got into Wanda’s freaky tv show where he was the cool uncle that messed around with his nephews. He could play with them and do all the mischief his heart desired. He loved them and they loved him. Nothing felt as freeing as running through the crowd at Halloween, stealing candies, smashing pumpkins, and covering everyone in silly string. Then, the twins developed powers. The joy he felt when he saw Tommy suddenly breaking into superspeed mode made every happy moment in his life seem bleak. 

He and Wendy had grown up thinking they were unique, anomalies even. Then, she had died, and Peter thought he was alone. Until Charles, Hank and the claw guy had found him and asked him break out his father. He was happy to find that he wasn’t the only one with powers, he simply wished Wendy could have known as well. Then he moved to the mansion, where there were so many mutants. He felt at home. Yet, he never really was able to make connections with anyone, their world was simply too slow for him. But that wasn’t the case with Tommy. The twin was able to keep up with him and see the world at his pace. When they played games, he didn’t have to go agonizingly slow to give him time to react. When they wanted to go somewhere, they just went there while having a conversation, the child wasn’t frozen or in need to be moved. He just kept up with him. Peter, or Pietro as he had called himself, had loved taking out the soldiers with him, telling him what to do and working with Tommy like he had never done before. Him, Wanda, Vision, and the twins. They had been an unstoppable team and he truly believed that they would be together forever. Until they weren’t. He still remembered the panic he felt when the boys had started to fall apart as Wanda was freeing everyone. His mind had been jumping between his chill persona and the real him breaking through. It wasn’t fun.

He had meant to have a better talk with Wanda, but life at the mansion was always busy. Well, that and the fact that they didn’t really speak when they found themselves together. They felt contempt just sitting in silence and watching a movie together. It was clear neither of them was ready to speak about what they had lost. There was the occasional reference to something Vision or the twins would have liked, but even that was too much sometimes. Instead, they got to know each other. Wanda had been shocked when he told her that his real name was Pietro, and he could just tell that she saw her true brother for a second. One big difference between him and Wanda was that he had lost Wendy at 16, while she had lost her Pietro at 26. Peter hadn’t exactly dealt with her death, but he had learned to cope with the pain. Wanda only had a few years, and the wound was still pretty fresh.

One night a few weeks after they came back, Wanda had suddenly stopped the movie and turned to him. “What did Agatha do to you? When you went for repairs?”

Peter was confused for a second before concluding that the witch had probably used a fake name when she came in the town. “Not much to be honest. She did some freaky magic to suspend me in the air and basically blackmailed me.” He looked at her with a frown. “But you knew that. What did she to do you to make you so worried about me?”

The redhead squeezed the hot cocoa mug she was holding. “She made me revisit everything that made me create Westview. My parent’s death, my brother’s death, Hydra’s experimentation, and my encounter with Vision’s body. And we revisited the night I woke you up and…” She didn’t complete her sentence. Wanda was staring off in the distance as she recalled the intervention. “She threatened to hurt you and the boys if I didn’t cooperate. I also feared she might have done a similar thing to you.”

Peter thought back at the dreaded moment the witch had threatened his nephews and the confusion he felt when she spoke about why she menaced them and not him. “Nah, apparently your magic protected me, so she couldn’t really do anything. The rugrats were the real targets.”

Wanda pressed her lips together in a sad smile and nodded. They both stayed silent for a few seconds before she broke the silence. “I miss them.” Peter turned to the redhead; her eyes were fixed to the liquid in her mug. “Vision and the boys, I still have days where I think they’ll just… be there, you know? I imagine that Tommy and Billy are with you and Vision is about to cross the door and wish me a good morning.”

The speedster agreed with her statement, it was hard to keep going in a school full of mutant children without his mind trying to catch a glimpse of his nephews that never really existed in the first place. 

“You know,” he started with a smile. “I had never met another person with superspeed before Tommy. Felt nice to not be alone, even for a moment.” His grin faded as he stared at his hands, a burning question on his lips. “If you could, would you go back to Westview?”

She closed her eyes in concentration, momentarily lost in thoughts. She shook her head as she turned to him. “In retrospect, no.” she sighed, “but if I could see them again, without hurting anyone, I would.”

Peter hummed at her answer, he could see the logic in her thinking, of course, but he wasn’t sure he could resist the temptation. Even if it hurt people. Good thing he wasn’t the one that got reality bending powers. She continued the movie once more and they absently watched as they thoughts were consumed by memories of their long gone family.

***

Notes: Thanks for reading!

Next chapter: One of Wanda’s spell takes an unexpected turn!

[mithrilwren]

Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing, which as of this week is actually accurate, since I’m finally writing again! (or, more specifically, editing what I wrote two months ago so I can get back to writing.)

Tagged by @essektheylyss! Thank you, this is exactly the kind of activity my brain needed tonight.

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

72! I was hovering at 69 for quite a while, sad to break the streak haha

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~550K, which is somehow both more and less than what I expected

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Many, lmao. According to my Ao3 (omitting any blanket tags) I’ve got 22 there, plus at least two more over on ff.net from back in the day, and probably a couple more just on Tumblr. Most of them I’ve only written one fic for, though. I think the only fandoms where I’ve written more than one are Critical Role (35), Supernatural (15), Haikyuu!! (3), The Exorcist (2), Dimension 20 (2), and Yu-Gi-Oh! (2)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Pick a Number, Any Number

Surprisingly, my number one is NOT a Critical Role fic, nor is it even one of my longer multi-chapters! It’s actually a one-shot I wrote for Haikyuu!! back in the day that took off far beyond what I expected. I wrote it for DaiSuga week, which was a ship I (to be completely honest) wasn’t even terribly invested in, but I had a fun idea and people seemed to like it! (It’s also much fluffier than what I usually write, which might be part of its broader appeal ;))

A Winter’s Ball

Unsurprisingly, the next four are all CR ;). This one was a M9 x VM crossover that I primarily wrote between the hours of 3-8am over the course of two insomnia-wracked nights and honestly, I think it shows in its uncharacteristically unstructured format (compared to my typical style, which tends to favour shorter scenes with very intentionally-placed breaks between, as opposed to scenes that flow into each other without pause). That’s not to say I think it’s a bad thing! The story, which follows Beau as she drifts through a party in Whitestone and observes the interactions between the various guests, actually flows better without that kind of interruption. This was also my first Beaujester piece. I started writing it right before Beau’s confession aired, and published it the week after, which definitely pushed me to make what had been only subtextual in the first half of my draft into the emotional lynchpin of the story.

Only the Nightingale Sings

I’m really glad this one still ranks as high as it does, because this story is absolutely my pride and joy. At one time (though I’m not sure that’s true anymore) it was the longest gen fic in the fandom, which is pretty cool! Plot-heavy, twist-heavy, angst-heavy, with seven points of view to follow and multiple interwoven storylines, it was a beast of a thing to write, and took almost exactly a year to finish, but the long process was oh-so worth it. Literally nothing makes me happier today than seeing a new comment or kudos on this story.

Closer Still

One of my earliest shadowgast fics, this one asks the question “how can you make the ‘stuck in an elevator trope’ fantasy?” The answer is, as always, demiplanes. This fic, perhaps more than any of my other shadowgast fics, is interesting to revisit, because it was written before the ep 97 reveal, but literally everything Essek does in it would suggest otherwise. It reads like I already knew he was a spy working with Trent, and yet I was firmly in the “Essek is NOT the spy” camp at the time. Gotta chalk that up to Matt telegraphing his growing guilt into the preceding episodes - even if I couldn’t see it, it was clearly there.

your dust from mine

My other novel-length CR multichapter, this fic brought me so much joy in the otherwise bleak summer of 2020. Most of my best memories of those four months come from working on this story. A Fjorclay adaption of The Goose Girl (my favourite fairytale) this story is about healing, growth, and figuring out what happiness means to you. While I know most people don’t read stories for this pairing anymore, for obvious reasons, I still cherish your dust from mine for how much of my heart I poured into it, and I look back on it with a huge amount of fondness.

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do my absolute best to respond to every comment someone leaves on a story of mine, even if it occasionally takes a month or two. Replying to comments is one of my favourite parts of the fic-writing process - it gives me a chance to revisit peoples’ kind words and (often, incredibly insightful) observations, and I hope it also shows how appreciative I am of each and every one. 

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Though I write a lot of angst, I honestly tend more towards bittersweet endings than straight-up sadness. The only one I can really think of is What You Own - mind the tags if you follow the link, this is definitely one of the gnarlier things I’ve written for CR - whose ending is, admittedly, bleak. But this story so far removed from canon that I don’t think it’s the kind of angsty ending that lingers with you, as much as it packs a punch and then lets you go on your way.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I tend to enjoy thinking about crossovers moreso than actually writing them. I’ve brainstormed a few, but none have ever made it much farther than the first page.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

A few times! Not often, thankfully. Only one time in particular really sticks out to me, mostly for how it rocked my confidence in a way that I don’t think any comment could now, since I’ve had a few more years to build up faith in my own writing.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Very, very occasionally.

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not! 

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh man, back in the Glee days... yeah. Yeah, I have. Nothing that ever got published, though ;)

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

Not sure I have one! Ships come and go with the seasons, and sometimes they’re best left in the era you found them.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The Shadowgast figure skating AU. It’s never going to happen, but I wish it had.

15) What are your writing strengths?

I would say probably structure, in terms of constructing narrative arcs and through-lines. I’m organized with my writing in a way that I am in few other areas of my life, haha. I’d also say my sense of place - I think I’m pretty good at constructing living, breathing settings and exploring how my characters interact affect/are affected by them.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a tendency to be wordy (which you might surmise from the length of this post, lol) and repeat myself, usually by going over emotional beats that don’t need the extra reinforcement. On the other hand, I tend to underexplain certain elements (particularly, important plot details in fic, and character motivation in original writing), which can lead to confusion.

A couple years ago I would have said dialogue, but I’ve put a lot of practice into it and I honestly think I’ve improved a lot, which is pretty cool!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’ve never done it myself, and it’s not generally my favourite thing to read (like @essektheylyss said, it makes me hyper-aware that I’m reading words on a page, especially if I have to follow a footnote somewhere). That said, I’ve definitely also seen it used effectively, so I think it’s more down to whether it suits the particular story!

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh!

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

As mentioned above, Only the Nightingale Sings.

[rmtndew]

Begin Again

Summary: Walter Marshall is a dedicated homicide detective doing his best to balance his work life with being a single father to a teenage girl. Fiona Sparks is a woman doing her best to take care of everyone and everything around her, except for herself. Neither has had the best luck with relationships, but once they meet, they’re willing to give it another shot, this time with each other. (It’s basically just romantic fluff) 

Pairing: Marshall and OFC.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions of death, cancer.

A/N - This is a sequel to ‘All I’ve Ever Known’. I started writing this because I needed an escape for some personal stuff going on and my coping mechanism included giving Marshall all the love that man needed, and imagining him being the softest boyfriend to me, then passing those details on to Fiona (my OFC).

I also made a Spotify playlist for this story, if anyone is interested - Begin Again Playlist 

 Tag list - @hollydaisy23, @alyxkbrl, @onlyhenrys, @omgkatinka, @speakerforthedead0​, @gearhead66,  @thethirstyarchive, @oddsnendsfanfics, @littlerinoa, @agniavateira, @aaescritora, @justaboringadult, @beenthroughalot, @seriouslygoodlookinggents,  @xxxkatxo

If you want to be added/removed from the tag list, let me know!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

The last Wednesday in October was a gray, misty, windy day. It was cold, the kind you felt more in your bones than anywhere else, with the sky occasionally spitting out sleet. I spent the entire twenty-minute drive to my job at Waverly Catering clutching the steering wheel so tightly that my hands were cramping by the time I arrived from white-knuckling it the whole way there. Usually, I would get to work early enough to enjoy the silence and finish off my coffee before officially starting my workday. That day, however, I spent the very little extra time I had trying to get my hands to stop hurting, then chugged down my coffee that had cooled dramatically to a gross lukewarm temperature. 

Before going in, I checked my phone. I always kept it on silent while I drove. My mom had a tendency to text me, make a dozen spelling mistakes because of auto-correct, then correct them one by one, leaving me with about thirteen separate texts to read. It didn’t use to bother me, I thought it was charming and very distinctly Mom. But when she’d gotten sick at the beginning of the year, every text she sent that I couldn’t read immediately made me panic, worrying that something terrible had happened to her, even when I’d just seen her at home a few minutes before. So for my sanity - and hers - I started putting my phone on silent until I got to work, or wherever else I was going. It was a habit I’d kept even after she’d gone into remission because her cancer may have been gone, but my anxiety over her wasn’t. 

That morning when I checked my phone, I saw that I had two texts, but they weren’t from Mom. 

Marshall:  Good morning, Fi. I hope that I get to see you today. I’ll be chained to  my desk with paperwork for a while. This is the first time I’ve not dreaded it. You’re my silver lining.

That was cheesy. I’m sorry. I’m bad at this.

And just like that, all of my stress melted away. The weather didn’t matter, my disappointing coffee didn’t matter, even the cramping in my hands didn’t matter. All that did matter was that Walter Marshall thought of me as his silver lining. Yes it was early days, yes we’d barely known each other a month, yes we’d only gone on two dates, but he made me happier than I’d been in a long time. I felt like I’d been holding my breath for two years, starting when my dad had died in a car crash, followed by my boyfriend Ezra breaking up with me, then losing my job as an interior designer, and capping off with my mom’s cancer diagnoses. Then Walter came along and it was like I could finally breathe again. 

Me:  Please don’t apologize. You have no idea how much I needed to read that this morning. Feel free to be as  cheesy as you want. And I hope I get to see you today, too, even if it  means you’re chained to your desk.

Marshall:  If I don’t see you for some reason,  can I call you tonight? I miss your  voice and you make me want to get better at this talking thing. 

I could feel myself blushing. Even over the phone he made me feel like a teenager with a crush. I had no idea that anyone could make me feel that way as an adult, but he did every time he texted me. 

Me:  Of course you can. Even if we do see  each other, you can still call, if you want? Practice makes perfect, and all that.

Marshall: I’d like that. Talk to you soon.

I sat back in my seat with a sigh as I looked out at the sleet falling from the gray sky, spattering my windshield, blurring out the image of the trees in the park across from me blowing and bending in the wind. 

It was going to be a good day. 

“You look...dare I say it? Happy?” Darcy said as I walked into her office.

I smiled. “You may dare to say it because yes, I am quite happy.”

“And what brings you to such an extreme emotion so early on such a disgusting day?”

I went to her desk and sat in the chair opposite her. “Well, for one, I know that you’re about to do me a big favor that I will forever be grateful for.”

“Fiona Sparks asking for a favor? I’ll mark the day in my calendar,” she joked. “What kind of favor do you need?”

“I need a copy of the peanut butter cookie recipe.”

“For what purpose?” 

“See, that’s where the happiness part comes into play and you, being one of my dearest friends, would love to see me happy.” 

“I would but I’m unsure how a cookie recipe is going to do that.”

“It’s not for me,” I said, smiling wide. “I met this guy -” 

“What? Who?” she asked enthusiastically, her eyes wide with excitement.

“His name is Walter Marshall. He’s our detective who never changes his lunch order.”

“You’re dating one of the homicide detectives? You can feel free to thank me later for giving you that order, by the way. But right now I want details: How long have you been dating and why am I just now finding out about it?”

“We’re not technically dating. I met him a few weeks ago for the first time and we went on two dates last week.” 

“You haven’t dated anyone in over two years, and then you go on two dates in one week?”

“Well, the first was just a coffee date. Saturday we tried having a proper one.” 

“Tried?” she asked, raising her eyebrow. 

“He wanted to take me to dinner, so we went to an Italian place, but before we could order, his daughter called. She was supposed to be at a Halloween party, but some of her friends had lied to her, I guess, and it ended up being a basement party with slightly older boys and she felt uncomfortable, so we went and picked her up. Then we all went for pizza together.”

“He has a daughter, which is some heavy baggage to begin with, but you met her on your second date? That’s a lot, Fiona.” 

“I know it seems like it, but it’s really not. She’s a good kid. And he’s an amazing father, which, oddly, just makes him more attractive,” I said. “But that’s not the point. The point is that his daughter was, understandably, a little iffy about me being with him when he picked her up until she found out that I’m the one who brings the cookies. She apparently loves them and I told her that I might be able to get her a copy of the recipe and that seemed to pave the way for her not hating me instantly. And she’s thirteen, so that’s a pretty big deal.”

“I have so many questions right now but I can’t sort them all out so I’m going to be annoying you with them all day, just be prepared for that. All I want to know right now is if you want the recipe laminated or not?” 

I let out a relieved breath. “Yes, please, if you don’t mind. And thank you so much, Darcy. You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“I do know. You never ask for anything, even simple things, so the fact that you’re willing to ask me for a favor means this is a pretty big deal,” she said. “He must be a good guy.”

I nodded. “He really is.” 

I arrived at the police station that morning a little before eleven. I’d left the shop early, worried the weather might get bad again and didn’t want to be late for my delivery. Thankfully the sleeting had stopped, allowing me to get there a few minutes early. A few minutes that I used up trying to pull my dolly through the parking lot. The lot had been salted, which was good in that at least it wasn’t icy, but the wheels on my dolly didn’t seem to like the brine mixture. They kept locking up on me. Between that and having to fight against the roaring wind, it took me an embarrassingly long time to reach the station door. Before I could push it open, someone opened it from the inside for me. I looked up, expecting to see Officer Bates. He was the security officer that was posted downstairs and always went through the containers full of lunches that I brought to the homicide unit every week. Instead, I saw Marshall.

“Hello,” he said with a smile. 

I immediately felt like giggling. The last time I’d seen him, we’d kissed. And seeing him right then, seeing his beautiful, handsome face, I wanted so badly to kiss him again. Instead, I felt myself grow shy as I blushed so fiercely that my cheeks stung with the new heat that rushed to them. 

“Hi,” I said. He pulled the door open all the way, then stepped back, allowing me to walk in. My stomach fluttered as I looked back at him. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He closed the door behind me. “May I help you with your cart?”

“No, it’s okay.”

“Would you let me help you take it back to your car when you leave, at least?”

I fought every instinct inside of me that insisted I say no. Darcy was right: I hated asking for even simple things. I never wanted to burden anyone. But since I’d met Marshall, I’d learned that his way of showing interest or affection was to do things for me. But he always asked first, wanting my permission. It challenged me, but in a good way. I didn’t need to always go it alone if I didn’t have to. 

“Um, yeah, I’d appreciate that. Thank you,” I said. “The wheels didn’t seem to agree with the salted parking lot. You could probably pull it a lot easier than me.” 

Marshall stayed with me as Officer Bates went through the containers I’d brought in. He wasn’t close enough to make anyone passing by question it, but it was close enough that my hand hanging at my side could feel the heat coming from his hand and forearm, that was visible from the blue henley that was pushed up to his elbows in a way that I found incredibly attractive. My fingers itched to seek out his, but I fought it. Keeping them obediently beside me. Once Officer Bates was done and gave me the all clear to take the food up, Walter walked me to the elevator and pressed the button to call it down. Then he held the door back, letting me in first before following me. After the door slid closed, he fell back half a step, putting him right beside me. His hand bumped mine, his fingers snaking through, gently holding mine. I smiled, knowing I wasn’t the only one itching for contact. 

I turned without a thought and placed a kiss on his shoulder. Then I paused, a moment of panic rising in me that maybe we weren’t at that level yet. But before I could move or feel too worried, he placed a kiss on the top of my head.

“I keep thinking about Saturday,” he whispered. 

“Me, too,” I said. I looked up at him. “It was...pretty amazing.”

He smiled. I could see his sharp canine teeth. They were oddly charming. “Yes, it was.” He laced his fingers with mine more securely, properly holding it. “I know I mentioned calling you tonight, but I hoped that we might have dinner again instead. If you’re not busy?”

“I’m exceptionally not busy tonight.”

“Good.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead before turning his head back to face the elevator door. “I won’t be able to finish all my paperwork today, there’s too much and it keeps multiplying like rabbits, so since I have to do it tomorrow anyway, I’m going to knock off here around five. Could I pick you up after that? Around five-thirty, perhaps?” 

I nodded, smiling. “That sounds great.”

The elevator dinged as we reached the homicide unit floor. He gave my hand a couple of gentle squeezes before letting it go as the door slid open. He stepped out, then held the door for me like he had before, letting me pull my cart out. He walked with me almost all the way to the break room before a shorter man with glasses stopped him. 

“Lieutenant Marshall, can I speak with you in your office for a moment?” he asked. 

“Of course.” Walter touched my shoulder. “Excuse me,” he said to me quietly before leaving for his office. 

I continued on and was met by most of the detectives waiting for me. Like usual, they didn’t talk to me much, just thanking me for the food before taking their box and going. I took my time, hoping that by the time that I was done, the man speaking with Walter would be gone before I brought him his lunch. When I was done, I packed up my cart before taking Marshall’s boxed lunch and walked down the hall, finding the door to his office open. I could hear him talking still and wasn’t sure what to do. I’d made a deal with him a few weeks back to always bring his lunch to his office whenever I delivered - the first time was because a uniformed officer looked like he was going to swipe it, after that, it was to thank him for rescuing me from a pushy creep while I was with my ‘friends’. We’d never discussed if I should interrupt while he was working. I chewed my lip, debating what to do for several seconds before deciding to just take a chance and knock on the door frame. The worst case scenario was that I looked like a very dedicated delivery woman making sure that all of my orders reached their proper owners. 

“Yep. Come in,” Walter called out in response to my knocking.

I entered his office only far enough to be seen and not a step further. I didn’t know if Marshall wanted people to know about us, so I was prepared to make a quick exit if I needed to. “I have a delivery for Detective Marshall,” I said. 

He looked at me and smiled, then waved me in further. “Harper, this is Fiona Sparks. Fiona, this is Commissioner Harper.”

“Hi. It’s nice to meet you, sir,” I said. 

“You, too.” He looked at me over the top of his glasses. “You don’t happen to be related to Rodger Sparks, by any chance?” 

I felt speechless for a moment. I hadn’t heard anyone other than Mom say Dad’s name in months. Finally, I forced myself to nod. “Yes. He was my dad. How - how did you know?” 

“We went to college together. You’re the spitting image of him,” he said. “I was sorry to hear about him passing away. I lost my wife around two years ago as well. A brain aneurysm.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t get any easier.” 

“No, it doesn’t,” I agreed.

He looked at me for a moment longer, then back to Marshall, who was standing patiently with his hands clasped behind his back. He looked back at me briefly before taking the folder he was holding and tapped it against Marshall’s shoulder. “You know what? This can wait until tomorrow,” he said. “I’ll bring it by in the morning.” He left Walter and stopped beside me before leaving the office. “I’m very sorry about your father. Rodger was a horrible sport when he lost at cards, but other than that, he was a great guy. And probably the smartest man I ever met.”

I smiled slightly. “He was a horrible sport at cards.” 

He smiled back. “The worst.” He gave me a wink. “It was a pleasure seeing you.” 

“You, too.”

When he left, he closed the door behind him. I looked at Marshall as he walked towards me. “Did I interrupt something important?” I asked. 

“No. He was just asking about a cold case.”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to come in since he was here. Next time, if you’re talking to someone, would you rather I left your lunch in the break room?”

He stopped in front of me. He was so close. He smelled like coffee and Old Spice. I swallowed thickly, trying to meet his gaze as he looked down at me. He shook his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “No. I’d still like you to bring it to me, please. If that’s alright?” 

“Yeah, of course. I just don’t want to get in the way of your job.”

“You won’t,” he said. “But I’ve let my job get in the way of other things for too long, so maybe it’s time someone got in the way of it for a bit.” 

“You have an important job, though. If you were a boat salesman, I might feel a little differently about disrupting your work.” 

His smile grew as he tilted his head at me. “A boat salesman?” 

“I mean a job where it wouldn’t really matter all that much if you were distracted every once in a while. If someone doesn’t sell a boat, it’s not that big of a deal. But if you don’t solve a murder case...that has very real repercussions. I wouldn’t want to be a reason for something slipping by in a case.” 

He put his hand on my cheek, directing my eyes back to his. “That won’t happen,” he said. “I take my job seriously. That’s never been a problem for me. My problem has always been figuring out how to balance it with the rest of my life, which I never could, and I neglected a lot of people because of it. Especially Faye.” He shook his head. “I’m still not good at it. But I had a case back in the winter that...put Faye’s safety in jeopardy, among other things, and it made me realize that I need to put more of an effort in my life outside of this job. Despite how hard that is for me.” He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “You motivate me to slow down a bit. And that’s a good thing.”

I took my free hand and placed it over his, then turned my face slightly and placed a kiss on the inside of his wrist. “I would be happy to slow down with you,” I whispered. 

Marshall had a smile that somehow showed in his eyes more than his mouth, and that’s how he was looking at me right then. “I’d like that.” 

A knock on the door startled me. I took a step back, his hand falling from my cheek. He then ran it over his face, almost like he was trying to scrub the irritation of being interrupted off it. Then he folded his arms across his chest before calling out for whoever it was to come in.

The door opened and a man stepped up to the doorway. He was wearing plain clothes like Walter, so I assumed he was a detective, too. He all but ignored me as he and Walter spoke. Half of what they said was in a jargon I didn’t understand, so I just stood there, head down, waiting. After a few minutes, the guy left, only halfway closing the door as he did. When Marshall finally turned back to me, I could see that he was frustrated. I knew he wouldn’t admit it, but me being at his work right then was only going to cause more irritation with every interruption we had. 

“As much as I hate it, I should probably get back to the shop. We have a big order going out tomorrow, so there’s quite a lot to do today to prepare for it,” I said. “Plus, I have a date with a very handsome detective tonight that I want to get ready for.”

The frustration on his face seemed to melt away as he looked at me with a smirk. “Is it anyone I know?”

“Possibly. He does work in your unit.” 

“Is that so?” he asked. I nodded. “Well, if I see him around, I might have to have a talk with him.”

“And what would you say?” 

“I’d tell him that he better be good to you because you deserve to be treated well.” 

My stomach fluttered. “You can rest assured that he treats me very well. Better than any man ever has.”

“All those other men were idiots.”

I smiled. “Maybe so.” 

He shook his head. “Definitely so.” He reached out and took his lunch from my hand, then turned and placed it on a filing cabinet behind him. “Will you let me help you to your car now?” 

I nodded. “Yes, please.”

He put on his coat and followed me to the break room. He pulled my dolly for me, moving it like it was as light as a child’s toy. Even when we made it to the parking lot, he didn’t seem to have any issue with the wheels fighting against him. Then he picked it up and placed it in my trunk with ease, despite how I very often fought to get it back in. I thought about telling him that he was welcome to help me anytime he wanted, but I was afraid it wouldn’t come across as a joke and he would feel obligated to actually help. 

“Thank you. You made my morning a lot easier,” I said after I closed the trunk. I looked at him. “I guess I’ll see you around five-thirty?”

He nodded. “I’ll call you when I leave here, but yeah, I should be there by then,” he said. “And I promise it’ll only be the two of us and no cheap pizza.” 

“To be honest, I quite liked the pizza. It didn’t taste cheap. And I really, truly didn’t mind Faye joining us, but it'll be nice to have dinner with just you tonight,” I said. “But that reminds me - I put a copy of our cookie recipe for Faye in your lunch box.” 

He smiled. “Thank you. She’ll be very excited about that.”

“You’re welcome. And let her know if she has any issues with it, she can call or text me.” 

The crease between his eyebrows appeared as he looked at me thoughtfully. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah. I’ve made them enough times over the last year and a half to make every mistake you can with them. If she has a problem, I can probably diagnose it over the phone.” 

“You don’t mind her having your number?”

I felt my facial expressions mirroring his, but from confusion. “Of course I don’t mind. As long as you’re okay with it,” I said. “Unless you think your ex-wife would mind? I don’t want to step on her toes or anything.”

He shook his head. “I don’t think Angie would mind for that purpose, and I don’t have a problem with it. But I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“I don’t but I’ll leave it up to you. If you’d feel more comfortable being the middleman you can always call me for her.” I gave him a big smile. “And I can help you practice the whole talking thing. Then it’s a two birds with one stone kind of deal.” 

He smiled back, nodding his head. “And if she doesn’t need help?” 

“You can still call.” I shrugged. “As far as I’m concerned, you don’t have to have a reason for calling. If I’m not at work, I’m usually pretty free. I may be cooking, or watching ‘The Golden Girls’ with Mom, but that’s about it,” I said. “I’m afraid you’re courting quite a socially boring person.”

He laughed. “I’m not sure if you’ve caught on, but I’m not exactly a sociable person, either,” he said. “So perhaps we make a good fit for each other.”

“Perhaps so,” I agreed. “We can be selectively social together.” 

“Sounds good to me.” 

I let out a sigh and watched my breath turn to steam in front of me. “I better let you get back to your paperwork and I need to go help Darcy at the store. We have over fifty loaves of bread to bake before the end of the day, so depending on when I get home, you may have to deal with your date smelling like freshly baked bread.” 

He squinted slightly. “I’m not really opposed to that,” he joked with a smile that showed off the sharp ends of his canine teeth. 

I laughed. “Good to know.” 

He gave me a short hug, kissing my cheek as he pulled back. “I’ll see you this evening.” 

“I’m looking forward to it.

[bqstqnbruin]

Come back to me part 2

It’s been a hot minute since I posted the first one so SORRY.

But here’s part 2, shoutout to the AMAZING @yes-he-mccann​ for reading it and helping me out with this ilysm ♥♥♥

Update! Read the entire series: Part 1 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6  // Part 7

_________________________

The sounds of the bar around you disappeared as you felt yourself getting lost in the arms of the boy that was once yours. There was something different about hugging Mat. Hugging him felt like sitting down in a cozy sweater, with a cup of tea and a good book, watching the snow fall outside of your window while the fire rages on in the fireplace. It was comforting, warm, everything that you wanted to be. It was nothing like hugging Kyle. Hugging him was the cozy sweater, but no tea, no book, no snowfall, or fire. It was like something with Kyle was missing. Wait, no, this was just the alcohol talking. But you really weren’t drunk enough for the alcohol to do much talking. 

“So,” you start, “You have to tell me about playing with the Islanders! I haven’t really been following hockey since you left if we’re being honest.”

“Ah, we’re shitty right now. Too ‘in our heads,’ not enough in the opponents, letting in easy goals, not scoring on easy chances,” he starts rambling, watching the smile grow on your face. You never were really too into hockey, but for some reason, you were the person he loved to talk about it with. And you loved to listen to him. You two could be driving around the middle of nowhere back home, and he would be rambling on and on about the game he had the other day. Nothing could make you happier than sitting there with him and listening to him talk about something he was so passionate about. 

Now that you think about it as he continues to ramble, you couldn’t remember the last time you were that happy with someone than when you would just do nothing with Mat. Sure, you only dated for a short amount of time, but were you happier with him than you were with Kyle, or were you just younger and more naive? 

You end up getting lost thinking about what your life would have been like if you and Mat had stayed together if he hadn’t moved for hockey. Or would you have stayed together despite his move? Would you end up in New York regardless of a job if it meant being here with him? No. No. You were with Kyle. Not only were you with Kyle, but you were also engaged to Kyle. 

“But I’m here with some of the guys, actually. I think you would like them,” he says, gesturing over to two of the boys already making their way over to the stools you two were taking up. “This is Anthony and Kieffer.” 

“Oh, wait, you’re the one Mat met when you guys played for Team Canada, what was it, U19s or something?” you ask the one with curly hair.

“No, actually, that was me,” the other one says, “That one is Kieffer.” 

“Sorry,” you apologize as they take seats on either side of you and Mat. The two of them start bombarding you with questions about your life, almost as if they already knew what to ask you before they even met you.

“So what was Mat like when he was younger?”

“What brought you to New York?”

“Where do you work?”

“Do you like it better here or in Vancouver?”

“Did you come here alone?”

Before you could answer the last one, Anthony groans, starting to mumble something under his breath that you can’t make out while he digs through his pockets. He whips out his phone, handing it to Matthew, “Satan somehow managed to get my number, and I’m not going to deal with it.”

“Let it ring. I don’t have to answer to him,” Mat says, crossing his arms as Tito continues to shove the phone at him.

“No. You are going to answer him. Because Paxton has called me eight times and you’ve only been sitting here for an hour. So answer him,” he insists, almost talking down to Mat.

He slides to answer the phone, holding it to Mat’s ear even if he refuses to hold it himself. “Hello?” Mat finally says, taking the phone from him, “I didn’t even know his name was Paxton,” he says to you three before walking off to somewhere else.

“Should I be worried that you know someone who you equate to Satan?” you ask, looking back and forth between Anthony and Kieffer.

They both roll their eyes, you not able to tell if they were rolling their eyes at the idea of the person they were talking about or at the question you asked.

“His girlfriend is this model and Paxton is her agent,” Kieffer starts to explain, only to be cut off by Anthony. 

“No, Mona and Mat just use each other as arm candy and Paxton harasses Mat into going places with Mona so she ‘can be seen,’” he says, using air quotes around that last part. “If you ask me, they’re no boyfriend and girlfriend than he and I are.” 

“You’re right since you would be boyfriend and boyfriend and the entire team knows that if you were gay that you would probably date Mat, anyway,” Kieffer says, raising his glass to Tito.

The two toast each other in front of your face, you having no idea what they were even talking about. “He’s an attractive man. That jawline? I would only be so lucky,” Anthony says.

“Don’t forget the Disney prince hair.”

“And the eyebrows,” the two joke, watching in awe at the interaction. “But, Y/N, tell us about your fiance?”

“Oh, Mat told you I was engaged?” you ask, trying to remember if you even told them in the first place.

“Uh, no, the rock on your finger did.” 

You look down at your left hand, forgetting that you even had the ring on the first place. Part of you wanted to take it off as your face turned red with embarrassment. You were debating on even wearing the ring out in the first place. “Oh, right. Uh, his name is Kyle, we got together during the last year of high school and we’ve been together since. Mat knows him, too,” you explain, the boys looking at each other instead of you.

Even they could tell something wasn’t quite right as you played with the ring, slipping it up and down your finger as if to take if off altogether. “Well, let’s see him,” Kieffer insists. 

You pull out your phone, trying to think of where your most recent photo with him was. When was the last time you even took a photo together? Your engagement was done privately and in the spur of the moment, you weren’t one to get your picture taken to begin with, and when you wanted to be in a photo, Kyle was almost never there. Finally finding one from back when you were in college, you show the boys. It was the night of your birthday, which one, you couldn’t even remember. Kyle was hugging you from behind, beaming at the camera, while you were looking off to the side, smiling. You don’t even remember what it was that you were looking at, but you know it wasn’t because of Kyle. 

The two boys look between each other and the photo. Something seems off about you and Kyle together. It was almost like he was just a filler in your life, even though they were just looking at a picture of a guy they had never met. They both know what the other was thinking: you looked more comfortable with Mat than you did with Kyle. 

“Mona, I told you, I’m out with the guys right now. I’m not dropped everything to leave them and be with you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, goodnight,” Mat finally comes back, practically throwing the phone at Anthony out of frustration. The vein on his neck was beginning to pop out, something you hadn’t seen in ages since he got thrown out of a game when you were younger for checking a kid when he was tripped and accidentally hit him. “God, I hate talking to her.”

“Dump. Her,” Tito insists. That was becoming his catchphrase, he said it so often.

“Stop. Saying. That.”

“It might not be my place,” you start, “But I’ve known you since we were, what, five? You’ve never been happy around people you can’t figure out how to talk to. If you can’t talk to your girlfriend, then,” you stop, trying to figure out if you should put it as bluntly as Anthony did, “you should probably reevaluate the relationship.” 

The bartender comes up to Mat, asking him if he wanted a refill, “Uh, sure, another beer for the three of us, and a rum and coke for you?” he asks, pointing to you.

“That’s my go-to order, how did you know that?” 

Mat shrugs, the look on his face telling you that he was asking himself the same thing. “It just seems like the kind of drink you would order. You would get a coke every time we would go out for food. And every time you would say something about how you want to stop drinking so much soda because of how much sugar was in it, and that you were eventually going to switch to tea, and then to water, and part of me thinks you never did, knowing you,” the smile returning to his face as he realizes how he knew. 

You probably told Kyle the same thing a hundred times, too. But every time he tries to order a drink for you, he always forgets that even drink soda, and ends up getting you some weird fruity drink on the menu that he always says you’ll enjoy, even though you hate fruity drinks. Why does Mat remember something from so long ago? 

-------

“So, how was your conversation with Mona yesterday”? Tito asks once he and Mat were back in their locker room after practice. 

“She whined, she complained, Paxton left a five and a half minute voice mail that ended with, ‘if you go out without Mona when she tells you she wants to go out, you are no longer her boyfriend.’ I didn’t even know the man’s name until last night and now he’s telling me that he decides that I’m not her boyfriend,” Mat tells him, not really in the mood to explain much more. Somehow, one of Mona’s friends saw Mat with you last night and took a picture of the two of you sitting at the bar, which provoked the phone call to Tito in the first place. No matter how many times he told her you were just a friend from home, she didn’t believe him. Especially once she found an old Instagram photo from when you were together that you never took down with some sappy caption about how much you liked Mat. Apparently, it wasn’t good for Mona’s ‘image’ for her boyfriend to be seen at a bar with another girl, no matter who she was.

“You already know that I’m going to tell you to dump her.” 

“Who, Mona. Yeah, break up with her,” Kieffer comes over and joins the conversation.

“Yep, sure,” Mat says, sarcastically as if he would actually do that right now. Like he told Tito the other day, he’s not going to do that; it’s just for fun right now, even if it was turning into more work than anything. 

“What about Y/N, haven’t you been texting her since she left the bar with her friends?” Tito asks.

“What about her?”

“She’s the wife,” Tito says, as if it were obvious.

“No, she’s Kyle’s fiance.”

“No, remember how I told you to look for your wife? Stop fooling around with Mona? Y/N is your wife.”

Mat rolls his eyes. You were already engaged. The guy uprooted his entire life for you. There was no way that was going to end unless he majorly messed up somehow. “No, she’s not.” 

Kieffer looks at Tito getting giddy at the idea of you and Mat ending up together. “Ok, we can ignore him,” he says, pushing himself between Mat and Tito, “I wouldn’t go as far as saying wife, but there was definitely something there. She was very different talking to you compared to when she was talking to Kyle. Even the photos of them compared to the one we found of you two were worlds apart.” Mat tries to remember them even talking about Kyle. They must have done it when he was talking to Mona, which means they’re seeing something he’s not. 

“Ok, sit down. We’re having a serious conversation and I’m tired from practice,” Kieffer says, pulling Tito and Mat down to the floor with him, the rest of the guys still mulling around them, trying to get in the zone for their game tomorrow night. Another loss would not bode well for anyone, at this point. “Do you love Mona?”

“No,” Mat responds, Tito muttering ‘thank god’ under his breath. It wasn’t even something Mat needed to think about; he knew he didn’t love Mona. 

“Do you see yourself falling in love with her?”

Mat hesitates, even though he already knows the answer, “Probably not.”

“Did you love Y/N?”

“Yeah,” he admits, again without hesitation. Part of him was convinced that you were the only thing he loved beside hockey. 

“Do you still love her?” 

Mat looks between Kieffer and his hands which are suddenly shaking. He remembers falling in love with you; from your laugh to the way you fidget with the hem of your shirt when you’re nervous, how you get lost in the book you’re reading and get absorbed in the world of the story so much so that the world around you almost doesn’t exist, that the two of you have the same favorite ice cream flavor, your favorite pair of shoes growing up was your converse, and how you nearly killed him when he spilled paint on them during art class when you were 10, so he saved up his money to buy you two new pairs in case he got paint on a pair again. But did he ever actually fall out of love with you? 

“I might.”

-------------

You wake up to the sun shining into your room, Kyle sitting up scrolling through Twitter on his phone, and a cup of coffee already on your bedside table, hopefully, made just the way you liked it. “Good morning, beautiful, Kyle says, pulling you in for a kiss once he realizes you’re away. “I have an idea.” 

“Ideas already?” you ask, taking a sip of the coffee. Way too much sugar, but he had gone through the trouble of making in the first place, so you just had to grin and bear it. 

“Why don’t we go into the city and explore? We finished unpacking everything yesterday so what else were we going to do? We could do Central Park and have a picnic there and be all sappy like you love to be,” he suggests, starting to get out of bed.

You were thankful his back was facing you, since you definitely made a face when he said you loved being sappy. You were pretty against PDA, something he knew pretty well. At most, you would tolerate holding his hand or kissing his cheek, but anything more romantic you never wanted to do. He was trying to do something sweet, though, so it was the thought that counts, right?

“I love that idea,” you tell him, starting to get ready. 

“Oh, you never told me how the other night went when you were out with the girls,” Kyle calls from the bathroom. 

“Uh it was fun,” you call. Do you tell him about Mat now, or not at all? You two had been texting pretty much nonstop since that night. You picked up pretty much where you left off all those years ago, but it was almost like no time had passed at all. 

Kyle doesn’t even give you the chance to say anything else, he just starts talking about god only knows what. You couldn’t even pay attention to him, your mind wandering as Mat sent you another text before he went off to practice. There was nothing going on between you and Mat. But why did you have to tell yourself that in the first place? And why did your heart flutter every time his name popped up on your screen?

You had to admit, Kyle had the right idea. He packed a picnic for you, which you were now unpacking in the middle of Central Park. Around you, families were playing, college students were throwing a frisbee, people were going for runs, there were people lying on the grass reading. New York was such a chaotic city, but you loved it. It was a welcome change of pace from what you had grown up with in Vancouver.

Your phone buzzes, snapping you out of your admiration of the people around you. Kyle catches a glimpse of the contact. “Mat Barzal? Like your ex Mat Barzal?” 

“Yeah, I met him at the bar the other night. I thought I told you,” you lie, knowing that you didn’t as you answer his text. You can’t help but smile at what he sent, obviously upsetting Kyle.

“No. You didn’t.” His tone had changed from the cheery one it was in the morning to ice cold. No one would be happy that their fiance was suddenly back in contact with their ex, so you understood why. But it was Mat. You hadn’t seen him in years. 

“He’s just a friend. He’s someone we both know from home, it wouldn’t hurt to talk to him everyone once in a while.” 

“Why not invite him out with us tonight?” Kyle suggests, his cheeks red as he looks at his food and not you.

“We were going out tonight?” 

“I mean, yeah, why not. You’re right. He’s a familiar face in a foreign city. It wouldn’t hurt to know someone.” 

“Are you sure?” Kyle’s tone suggested that he wasn’t. None of his body language matched what he said he wanted. He nods, even though he doesn’t want to. You text Mat, asking him to go out with you and Kyle that night. You already knew it was going to be a bad idea. “He said sure,” you tell Kyle once Mat responds.

“Want to hand me the dessert?” Kyle asks.

“Sure,” you say, digging around in the bag, not really knowing what to be looking for. You find a bag of cookies, “These?”

“Yeah.” 

“What kind are they?” you ask him, handing them to him. 

He opens the bag, the smell hitting you immediately. “Your favorite: peanut butter chocolate chip.”

“Kyle, what do you mean?” you squeal, pretty much jumping up from the blanket, “I’m allergic to peanut butter, put those away!” How could he forget something like that?

-------

Mat couldn’t believe when you had texted him inviting him to dinner, especially since he couldn’t stop thinking about taking you out as it was. What shocked him even more was when you told him Kyle was going to be there, too. You told him to meet you at seven, and it was 7:07, him running not too late, but late enough that he was frazzled. 

He finally makes his way to the restaurant, finding you immediately. Something about seeing you calmed his nerves, but seeing you with Kyle made him frantic again. You and Kyle were sitting on separate sides, neither of you talking to each other but looking at your phones instead. As soon as you made eye contact with him, Mat could feel his breath stop. He never did stop loving you, even though he didn’t tell Tito and Kieffer. Seeing you with your fiance did not sit right. All he could do was be your friend. 

“Hi, I’m so sorry I’m late,” he apologizes, slipping into the seat next to you. 

“No, it’s fine,” you say, at the same time as Kyle saying, “I guess with an NHL salary you couldn’t afford a better watch, eh?” 

“Kyle!” you scoff. You knew this was a bad idea, and already, Mat regretted saying yes. 

“It was just a joke,” he shrugs, not looking up from his phone. 

You mouth, ‘I’m sorry’ to Mat, him just shaking it off. He tries to make conversation with Kyle, but with no success. Every time he asked Kyle a question, Kyle responded with a short, one-worded answer. He never looked up from his food or his phone, he didn’t so much as look at you or Mat in the eye during the conversation. At one point, you and Mat just pick up the conversation you were having the entire day. 

“Excuse me, sweetie,” an older couple comes up to your table, “We just wanted to say how cute you and your fiance are,” she motions between you and Mat. You both try to open your mouth to protest, but they leave before you can correct her. 

“Great,” Kyle says, throwing his napkin on the table and getting up to leave. You don’t know if he intended on going home, but frankly, you would rather leave without him. You didn’t feel like having a fight with him in the Uber anyway.

“Shouldn’t you go after him?” Mat asks, shocked that you were even still sitting next to him.

“I don’t really want to,” you admit, staring at your plate of food. “Plus, we invited you out, I’m not going to leave you with the bill.”

He sits there, studying your face. He can see the tears start to form in your eyes, you fidgeting with your ring again, sliding it up and down your finger as if you wanted to take it off right there. “If you stuck me with the bill, I would just Venmo request you for twice what it came out to be,” he jokes, hoping to lighten the mood at least a little.

You laugh, shaking your head at him. “Yeah, we both know with that NHL salary that you can’t even afford a watch.” The two of you sit in silence for a moment, you debating on asking him what you wanted to. Mat wanted to ask you why you were with Kyle in the first place. Why would you be with a guy who acted like that in front of an old friend? Ex or not, you should still be civil. “Do you remember what kind of cookies I liked?” you ask him, praying that he wouldn’t.

But of course, he did. “Store-bought, you love those Keebler chocolate chip ones with the M&M’s. But homemade?” he stops, trying to wrack his brain to remember, “You used to love those sugar cookies that my mom made. Remember with the homemade icing? She told me that when you graduated from high school and from college that she made them for your parties, and that she had to make an extra batch just for you because she knew that you would eat them all yourself.” 

“How do you even remember that?” you ask him, smiling. 

“How could I not? I’m pretty sure those cookies are the only reason you were friends with me in the first place. But she always made sure to scrub the kitchen and everything she used before making them because my sister used to make those peanut butter cookies a lot and she didn’t want to risk you having any sort of allergic reaction.” 

You can’t help but smile, but you can’t look him in the eye. Why were you with Kyle? 

[goodwriterwithbadhabits]

The Study of Hearts

Master List

Warnings: Hospital talk, minor swearing

~~

“Hey Y/n, what’s been up with you today, doc?” You spare a quick glance over at the nurse who’d come up beside you, glancing away from the patient’s chart for only a second before returning to it. 

“Nothing’s up with me, I’ve just got a lot of patients today.” She scoffs instantly. You should have known better than to try and lie to Nurse Choi. She had been your head nurse during your internship, and your residency, she knew almost everything about you, and you were a fool to assume she wouldn’t notice your sudden drop in mood. 

“Don’t tell me that. We’ve had a fuller ward than this and you’ve never snapped at someone. That resident you scolded is still crying in the nurses station.” You feel a twinge of guilt at her words. The resident hadn’t really done anything wrong, but offered up the wrong medicine when you asked the group a question regarding a patient. You may have laid into them for longer than necessary about checking charts and allergies before handing out meds. “And this morning you actually shouted at the guy who took your parking spot. This isn’t like you.” You’re thankful the patient you’re currently looking at is asleep, recovering from a surgery that just ended. “So tell me what has the calmest, most level-headed doctor in the cardiology department so wound up.” You sigh deeply, setting the chart back into the sleeve at the end of his bed. 

“My boyfriend.” 

“The idol you swear you’re dating.” She huffs, somehow not believing you. You roll your eyes, deciding not to continue and simply walk away. No one ever believed you when it came to your boyfriend of nearly 4 years, and he wasn’t helping his own case either. “I just can’t believe an idol would date you, I’m sorry Y/n.” You spin back to the older woman, rising to your full height. You were sick and tired of people looking down on you for who you were dating as if they had any clue what was happening. 

“It’s Doctor L/n, Nurse Choi. You may refer to me on personal terms when we are outside of this hospital, but seeing as you refuse to respect my personal life, you are no longer privy to it.” She blinks up at you in confusion before nodding. You can almost feel the shock she emits.

“Yes, Doctor.” 

“Room 1134, Patient Kim Seungkwan needs to be prepped for anesthesia. Dr. Song will be here in an hour.” 

“Yes, Doctor.” She bows to you before turning away. 

“And Nurse Choi.” 

“Yes,Doctor?” There’s a hopeful gleam in her eyes when you call for her again. 

“Tell that resident to stop crying, if he can’t handle being reprimanded there is no place for him in a medical field.” Her shoulders slump again, but you can’t bring yourself to feel guilty. 

“Yes, Doctor L/n.” With one last curt nod to her you spin on your heels, stalking down the halls to your office. 

You’ve barely gotten the chance to start your computer before someone is knocking on your office door. 

“Who is it?” You ask, annoyance clear in your voice. 

“Someone told me you’re having a bad day.” The voice of the young Chairman has you standing immediately as he walks in. 

“Chairman Yoon, forgive me, I didn’t know it was you.” You bow, but he simply waves it off. 

“Come on, Y/n, it’s just us. What have I told you about bowing to me.” 

“Sorry Myungsoo, someone could have been behind you.” You chuckle dryly at your friend. “What do you want? I’m in the middle of something.” He holds up a small lunch box, waving it slightly. 

“I brought ice cream, but if you’re too busy I’m sure someone else will help me eat it.” 

“I’m never too busy for ice cream.” You relent, holding out your hands for the box. “And I guess your company too.” He takes the seat across from you, watching for a moment as you dig in. 

“So tell me, how come you’ve been such a bitch today?” His comment makes you choke slightly. 

“Yah, Myungsoo, what the hell?” 

“Come on, Nurse Choi’s upset, you yelled at a resident so bad he had to go home early.”

“He’s a crybaby.” You huff. 

“That’s besides the point. What’s eating at you?” You sigh, stabbing your spoon into your ice cream and setting it on your desk. 

“Mark.” 

“Huh, you’d think Mark eating you would make you happier.” His joke has your cheeks flushing instantly and you throw your napkin at him. 

“Yah! That’s not what I meant.” 

“What about Mark? I heard their tour ended a few days ago.” You clench your teeth slightly, recalling exactly what’s got you so pissed off.

“They got home last night, at least BamBam says they did, only Mark didn’t text, call, anything. I only found out they got back in when BamBam posted a selca.” “So you’re mad because he didn’t come see you?” 

“I’m mad because I’m fucking sick of it!” You explode, slamming your hand on the desk, making him jump. “He refuses to tell anyone we’ve been dating for almost 4 years, so everyone thinks I’m some delusional fangirl. He refuses to talk about the possibility of moving in together, we never go out when he’s in the country, and when he’s on tour I barely get a text once a week. He’s never met my friends or my parents and it kinda feels like he doesn’t even want to be in a relationship with me.” You finish your rant with a huff, raking your fingers through your hair. “He’s been managing to piss me off without even talking to me.” 

“Sugar, I don’t think you’re mad, I think you’re hurt.” He begins, setting his own treat down, “Anger is a secondary emotion.” 

“I know that, I did take psychology.” You grumble. 

“So what’s really making you so upset?” You cross your arms on the desk, hiding your face in them. 

“What if he doesn’t want to be with me any more? What if he just sees me as a burden these days and is trying to make me break up with him, so he doesn’t feel bad?” Myungsoo sighs, reaching out to rub your arm soothingly. 

“I think if you’re questioning the relationship, you should either talk to him, or break it off.” 

“I know, I’m just not sure if I’m ready for that. I really love him, you know?” 

“Chairman Yoon, we have a meeting sir.” A voice announces, knocking on the door. 

“You should go, thanks for the ice cream, and letting me vent.” 

“No problem, sugar, you should call him.” 

“I will.” The moment the door shuts behind him you pull your phone out of your bag, and pull up his contact. He doesn’t pick up, but you aren’t shocked. “Hey Mark, I heard you got in last night, I hope you’re doing alright. Look, I uh, I didn’t call for no reason. I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think it’s going to work out between us. There’s just so much missing between us, like,” You scoff lightly, “Like love. So yeah, I uh, think we should break up.” You look up to the ceiling, blinking back tears. “I get off at 11 tonight, if you want to call me back then. I doubt you will though, you never seem to want to talk to me any other time. Either way, I have Thursday off, you can come get anything you left at my apartment then. Bye.” You hang up quickly, before shutting your phone off and tossing it in your bag. You felt like sobbing, just finally crying and letting it all out, but you knew you couldn’t, you had patients to help, and they were the priority. 

Of course, by the time 10:45 rolled around, you were dead on your feet, your brain hurt and you were about 2 seconds from cracking open the emergency wine you kept in the fridge in your office. 

“Sir, I may not be a pulmonologist, but I can tell you that smoking combined with not exercising are a major factor in why your heart is damaged.” You insist, trying not to roll your eyes at the man as he scoffs. 

“I don’t think you’re qualified to talk to me about this.” 

“Sir, I’m-”

“Doctor L/n to Emergency Care, paging Doctor L/n to Emergency Care.” 

“Mother-” You cut yourself off with a huff, “Sir, while you are in my care, it is my duty to offer you medical advice. You need to cut back on the cigarettes or quit entirely. While you’re in this hospital you are not welcome to smoke unless outside in a designated area, with a nurse present. Good night.” You bow, quickly exiting the room before you lose your cool and punch him. 

“Doctor L/n, you’re needed in-”

“I heard,” You interrupt the resident who ran up to you. “What’s going on?” 

“It’s a patient. He was attacked by a mob. He seems alright but he refuses to leave without seeing you.” The kid explains, holding the elevator door for you.

“Is he having trouble breathing? Shortness of breath, chest pain?” 

“No, I haven’t seen his chart yet, but as far as I’m aware he only has a few cuts and bruises, if there are any internal injuries, it would likely be contusions on his ribs or-”

“Spleen, why on earth am I being called?” You’re racking your brain for some kind of answer when the elevator door opens. 

“Ah doctor, you’re here.” The head of the ER sighs, meeting you only a few steps away from the lift, “Good. This way.” She begins leading you down one of the quieter halls.  

“Jangmi, tell me you have some grasp as to why someone needs a cardiologist here right now.” You bite at the inside of your lip, completely lost as to why someone might need you. 

“I’m sorry, Y/n, he’s insistent and he’s mentioned you by name several times. Besides I’d rather his company continued to send their idols here.” 

“Company?” You ask, just as she opens the door. “Who-” “Oh thank god, the good doctor is here, now will you stop being a baby?” A familiar voice asks, and your heart leaps into your throat as you round the privacy curtain. There, sitting on the bed, looking pitiful in the hospital clothes, was Mark Tuan. You have to bite back tears as you pick up his chart. He had several bruises already forming on the skin you could see, and a split in his lip. 

“Mark Tuan what the hell happened to you?” Blood pressure, normal. Pupillary response, normal. No signs of concussion or brain trauma. 

“Some sasaengs started fighting as we were trying to leave, Mark got caught in the middle.” Jackson explains, toying with the IV stand. “Hey what does this button do, Y/n.” 

“Don’t touch it, Jackson.” Your response is instant and almost habitual, having had to slap his hand away from your tools plenty of times. 

“I’m sorry, Doctor L/n, do you know these men? Personally?” Jangmi asks, noticing the way JB lingers at your shoulder and Jackson immediately stops toying with things. 

“You could say that.” You muse, “Your vitals seem fine, though your heart rate has gone up slightly.” You can’t help the cheeky smile that dances onto your face. No, you broke up with him. You set his chart back down, grabbing his chin softly to turn his face towards the light. “You’ll have a few bruises, but nothing your make up artist can’t cover.” 

“Y/n-”

“So you have any trouble breathing? Shortness of breath, chest pain, headaches?” You ignore his plea of your name in favor of the heart monitor next to him. 

“No I’m fine.” 

“Then why did you beg a cardiologist to come see you?” You snap, turning on him. “If you wanted to finally talk to me, you could have waited fifteen minutes. Instead you’ve wasted the time of not one, but two doctors, at least one of our residents and several members of the nursing staff. What do you have to say for yourself?”

“What do I have to say? What about you? You broke up with me over a voicemail.” He shouted back, and you watch from the corner of your eye as everyone in the room takes a step back from the two of you. 

“Well if you ever pick up your damn phone when I call, I could have broken up with you like that.” Your voice is somehow level, despite how hurt and angry you are. 

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of you all day.” Well, fuck, okay that was on you. “I didn’t want to run into you like this, but I figured ‘fuck it, you work here anyway’ might as well see you.” 

“So instead of waiting to be discharged and coming up to my department you worry me sick by begging me to see you like this? Do you know how scary it is to be paged down here? I was terrified someone’s heart had stopped beating, or I was going to need to perform an emergency surgery and I found you sitting here, beaten up instead.” The dam breaks, and the first tears begin streaming down your face. “The second I heard JB’s voice I was terrified I was about to have to save your life. After everything I told you about my work, about my fears of finding you on my table one day, how dare you use that against me.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Mark jumps up, pulling you into a tight hug as you cry into his shoulder. 

“You’re the worst.” 

“I know. I know I’ve been shitty. I should be taking you out and showing you off and I haven’t been. I’ve been so scared that Aghase might reject you, I never realized I was the one doing the rejecting. Please give me a second chance.” 

“Promise me you’ll change?”

“For you, in a heartbeat.” 

“Um, Dr. L/n.” Jangmi’s voice has you pulling away from Mark, wiping your eyes on the cuffs of your sleeve.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Seo.” You laugh, trying to calm down. “I’ll handle his discharge paperwork.” 

“Of course, Doctor.” She chuckles softly, offering you all a bow before exiting the room. 

“You really broke up with him over voicemail?” JB asks, clearly trying not to laugh.

“I was upset.” You defend. “I also yelled at several people and told one of my closest friend’s to go fuck herself.” 

“Well, I’m declining your break up attempt, you didn’t tell me directly, so it doesn’t count.” Mark decides, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you walk out of the room. Nurse Choi is standing immediately outside the door, discharge paperwork in hand. 

“Oh, Nurse Choi, I thought you were up in Cardiology still?” You greet. 

“Dr. Seo asked me to deliver this personally.” Her eyes are wide as she sees Mark’s arm around your waist and the other boys just behind you. “It seems I owe you an apology, Dr. L/n.” 

“Yes you do. I’ll take those.” She sets the clipboard into your outstretched hand with a bow, moving to walk away. You saw the slump in her shoulders as she walked away, and the guilt crept into your chest. “Before you go,” Your call has her turning back to face you. “Noon, Saturday, come have lunch with me? Please Jisoo?” The smile that erupts on her face is enough to make you feel better. 

“Of course, Y/n, see you then.” 

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

It's funny, I think I joined about 4 years ago, too. I can't remember, though, it may have been a little more or less. Anyway, congratulations on somehow staying here for this long! I'm so glad I got to know you, read your writing, and become friends with you.

I'll start off with who I ship you with, first. I did have to think about this quite a bit, but in the end I ship you with Bones from Star Trek (TOS version more so.) From how long we've interacted, you're honest, and don't tell people just the things they want to hear, and you've given me some pretty good advice.

I think you both would mesh pretty well together. You're witty too, and that's something I think he'd admire. You both care for others, which is another reason I think you'd get along well. I can see you guys going from friends to just sort going to an unspoken "we're in a relationship now, I guess" type of thing.  Also, free health care. Who doesn't love that.

For the ship, I'll have it with a guy, for the Star Trek (TOS or AOS, whichever you feel is best), if that's alright with you. I love to tinker, and see how things work, and make things. I like baking, sewing, and tinker (as mentioned above). I also love to read, I've been doing it as long as I could remember. 

I love the summer and the heat, and I'm always warm. And sunsets and sunrises! They're breathtaking. I've never seen a sky I didn't like. You already know this, but I recently redeveloped my love for writing. I'm pretty short, which doesn't help when almost all of the other people in my family are giants.

I've got brown hair with a red tint (at this point, I may as well just patent the description "cola-colored", because that's how I always describe it) short hair, and brown eyes. My cheeks are always rosy, which is sort of like a perpetual blush. (It just leads to everyone asking why I look so embarrassed, though.)

I'm very quiet/reserved, a pushover and naive. But with those I'm close with, I'm always (at least I try to be) laughing and cheery. I'm a clumsy sister friend of sorts, trying be as level-headed as I can, thinking every option out for any situation. I'm a big planner, too. I keep small mementos from special occasions like from a state fair. It let's me look back on happier times.

I ship you with Chekov (AOS)

First things first, y'all would just be cute. Chekov is pretty unapologietic about his interests and when he's interested in something. Over the time I've gotten to know you, you seem like you could use someone that enthusiastic to bring you out of your shell. He would be ready and willing to listen you explain how you figured out something knew or talk about a new book you've been reading. He then would go off on something new he had just learned until the pair of you are in a positive feedback loop of curiosity. Also, if you guys go anywhere together he would be all for getting a souvenir and placing it in a very special part of your room. The only down side is that he does not understand your love of summer heat. The man will be dying if you leave him out in the sun too long.

I'll take him! Also, I can't get out of my head how much an unspoken understanding between us would drive Kirk up the wall. All he wants to know is if Bones if finally in a relationship with somebody and he refuses to give him a straight answer.

(2/30)

[westiec]

fic I want to see: five futures Tony/Rhodey/Pepper deserved but never got

Hey there friend! I'm going to take advantage of the @goodintentionswipfest to finally answer this ask by posting what exists of the fic I totally never finished writing you for this prompt before I burned out real hard on writing last year. Hope you get a little bit of fun out of what's here. <3

1 - MIT meet, 100% less drama

Tony meets James-call-me-Rhodey Rhodes at MIT. In other universes, they were on campus at the same time, but the whiz kid playboy tearing up the mech-e department and local bar scene seldom crossed paths with the steady grad student getting a masters in aircraft design courtesy of the Air Force. 

In this one, they are inseparable. 

Rhodey's got a way of following his train of thought that Tony's never encountered, and his intuitive understanding of flying machines outstrips Tony's own. (Tony is determined to catch up, but Rhodey never makes him feel bad for having to. Entirely unlike Howard, he thinks, and feels disloyal for the thought.) They bounce ideas off each other and make each other sharper, better, and it's a feeling of belonging Tony never expected to find. When they build an AI - a Turing-complete AI!! - Tony jokes about them becoming parents without ever going on a date, and the look of wistful fondness on Rhodey's face is all the encouragement he needs to finally ask him on one. 

After graduation, Tony owes years to SI and Rhodey owes years to Uncle Sam, but they keep in close touch, with plans to go into business for themselves one day. Times being what they are, no one asks, and no one tells, but he and Rhodey both know that the much publicized dates with various eligible ladies are for maintaining appearances and nothing that will really come between them.

When Howard and Maria die, Rhodey must cash in every favor he has to get the leave, but he's there for the funeral. Tony is pretty sure his steadfast support is the only reason he could stand to be sober those first couple weeks. Stark men are supposed to be made of iron, but Rhodey's always been the one with a core of steel. 

Rhodey never trusts Obie much, and - continued relationship with Tony notwithstanding - Rhodey is an impeccable judge of character. A few years later, an internal audit proves his instincts right when Stane is caught laundering company assets to sell weapons on the black market. Terrified at the thought of his weapons in the wrong hands, Tony quietly begins to diversify SI's business model - clean energy, healthcare, [THIRD THING] - things that can build the world up instead of tear it down.

Eventually Tony is able to hire Rhodey away from the military to be his chief airframe designer and personal test pilot. They move out to California to oversee the autonomous search-and-rescue drones they're developing, and set up in a preposterous mansion overlooking the ocean in Malibu, with their ever growing family of bots and JARVIS to make the huge place feel full.

Despite having no qualms shout their personal AI butler and robotic lab assistants, Rhodey calls him bougie when Tony brings on a driver, Harold-call-me-Happy Hogan, and a personal assistant, one Ms. Virginia Potts. Happy's a solid driver and a cheerful guy, but Ms. Potts is a downright revelation. She's the second person he's met now who has no trouble keeping up with his mile-a-minute mind, and though her competencies lie along a different line than his or Rhodey's, he quickly realizes they are no less remarkable. He also plain likes her in an easy way he so seldom clicks with people. Tony might be a little bit smitten.

After a while he realizes Ms. Potts-call-me-Pepper (and seriously, did Tony miss a memo on alliterative nicknames?) seems smitten too, though not with him. Rhodey's no longer active duty, but old habits of discretion die hard, so she has no way of knowing when she strikes up a flirtation with the airman that he and her boss are more than just business partners. Rhodey's flustered, and Pepper's embarrassed, but Tony's always had a big heart, and he loves nothing quite so much as making the people he cares about happy. He can see the way his honeybear smiles when she's around, and it's obvious how much she lights up with him, and he's a genius, right, but he doesn't need to be to see that they'd work. So he tells them to go for it, as long as Pepper doesn't mind sharing and Rhodey doesn't mind being shared, and they look at him like he's grown a second head because what they want is all of them together.

They totally work.

2 - IM1, BUT HAPPIER?

They meet when Lt. Rhodes is assigned the Air Force liason to Stark Industries. Warned in advance, Rhodey was expecting brash, crass, and totally out of control, but what he found in Stark, Jr. was someone with a passion for machines and an excitement for invention unlike anyone he's ever met. When they realize they'd been on campus at the same time, Tony (“please, Mr. Stark was my father”) declares them the Brass Rat Pack, which makes him roll his eyes, but doesn't make a Sammy Davis, Jr. joke, which bumps him up a couple more points in Rhodey's estimation.

3 - IM2 BUT WITH SOME DAMN COMMUNICATION 

Rhodey was always going to get a suit. Tony's best friend, the best pilot he knows, AND one of the few people in military he actually still trusts? Of course. He offered Pepper one too, but he seemed to expect her to turn him down, because then he offered her the position of CEO. Insisted, really. 

So Pepper becomes the head of Stark Industries while Tony and Rhodey become Iron Man and War Machine. The military brass doesn't love having one of those suits and all of their secrets in the hands and head, respectively, of such an unpredictable element, but knowing that Colonel Rhodes is liasing most of his activities goes a long way toward quieting the grumbles. The men's joint testimony on just how far off any imitators, foreign or domestic, are from duplicating the technology convinces Congress that Team Iron Man's op-sec, while unorthodox, is effective. 

Rhodey takes some well deserved R&R and joins Tony and Pepper in Monaco. It's new still, this thing between them all, but it's good. 

4 - POST-IM2

AVENGERS FAM DAMMIT

Aliens invade New York, and Rhodey is so glad he stole that damn suit. 

5 - POST-IM3

IN WHICH WE AVOID CIVIL WAR 

RESCUE HAPPENS

Rogers and Romanoff bring down SHIELD, and Pepper is horrified to realize how close she came to being murdered by the state. After Killian, after Extremis, she knows she could be considered a threat, but seeing her name, and Tony's, and Rhodey's, on the kill list in the data dump is chilling.

+1 - After Everyone Lives

"Meguna Petunia Stark-Potts-Rhodes, out of the lab and inside for dinner!"

Morgan laughed. "Not my name, Dad - and anyway, wouldn't it be Potts-Rhodes-Stark, alphabetically?"

"You know, you'd think that, but your pops actually called dibs on the anchor leg years ago…"

"A relay's got four legs, Dad."

"What did I ever do to deserve a jock for a daughter? Tell you what, find us a Q who doesn't run screaming, and we'll consider it."

"What are we considering, Tony?"

"Morgan thinks our polycule needs to be a quadrilateral, apparently, and I'm blaming the track team. I've told her we're only considering candidates with Q last names; we're so close to a straight."

"Tony, you've never been close to straight in your life."

Mom gestures at the two bickering and pleads, "Just not another guy, please, darling, I'm outnumbered already."

"I dunno, you usually like tha-"

"Tony!" Mom and Pops shoot him identical stern looks.

Family. She wouldn't want it any other way.

If anyone made it this far, thanks for reading! @allofthefeelings I'm sorry the full fic never made its way out of my brain, but thank you for the prompt anyway! And thanks again to the Good Intentions WIP Fest!

[hateswifi]

Making Do (With What Life Give Us): Part 4

So last part, don’t be afraid to talk to me, I love interacting with you all. I hope you enjoyed this short (15k word) fic. Without further ado, I give you Part 4.

----------------------------------------------------

As her friendship with Adrien grew she realized that he and Chat Noir are the same person. They had kissed during Dark Cupid, turns out they both remember it and found it awkward and decided on being friends. They would have won the gaming competition if Marinette hadn't given her spot up to Max. She had won his father's hat competition without prior knowledge of their friendship, in fact, Gabriel had offered a scholarship which she would have taken if not had it been for her need to disappear to be Ladybug. But she did take commissions from her new uncle, Jagged Stone. Chloe and she had become co-class presidents together again and everyone was quite happy. She also joined them in battle as Queen Bee with the promise of secrecy. Adrien and Chloe had officially unofficially adopted the two blondes into their family. Her parents are super protective over them especially after hearing about their nightly escapades as heroes. As a group, they were close, with the help of her family, to figuring out who Hawkmoth is. 

After an awkward conversation that Marinette did not in fact like Nino more than a friend, he joined the friend group with the later addition of Alya, his new girlfriend. Throughout it all, Damian and her family had started to come to Paris more, thankfully no one from her friends besides Chloe and Adrien had met them. She didn't want to tell Nino and Alya because of the Ladyblog, Alya had a tendency to stretch the truth and to do practically anything to get a good story. She didn't fully trust them and with good reason and it all started at the beginning of her third year in Paris.

A new student joined the class, which would have been fine besides the lies she was constantly telling. "I'll meet you in the park in ten minutes," she had said to Adrien.

"You wouldn't believe what she just said," Adrien snickers to Marinette as she comes out of hiding.

"How'd you know I was there?" Marinette asks, sitting beside him.

"Chloe texted me saying you felt something suspicious about her," Adrien said.

"And with good intention, she's clearly lying," Marinette pouted.

"Obviously, she's best friends with Ladybug even though she just moved here? How does that even make sense?" Adrien asks. "So I'm not saying that you should, but I'm going to meet up with 'Ladybug's best friend' I feel like she would LOVE to catch up with her, don't you think?"

"I'll let you know what my dear friend says," Marinette smirks. Adrien and the rest of her brothers had started to rub off on her.

"I don't recommend it, I would wait to see what she says first," Tikki whispers from Mari's purse. "Or you could interrupt as you depending on what she says."

"We'll see," Marinette said, standing up. As she entered the park she heard the liar talking. 

She coos. "Ladybug isn't even the most powerful hero, it's Volpina, the holder of the fox miraculous." She pauses while she pulls out her necklace. "This is the fox miraculous, it used to be my grandmother's, but she passed it down to me. I let Ladybug have her time to make a name for herself because we're best friends."

"You've been here for like two days," Adrien started.

"And," Marinette says, walking up. "That was a necklace released in Gabriel's last line. Also why would you tell a total stranger about something, 'so important' something that is supposed to be a secret," Marinette said, sitting down beside Adrien.

"Sabine, Tom, and Chloe are waiting at home for lunch, want to come?" Marinette asks Adrien.

"I would love to!" the liar interrupted, standing up.

"And you are?" Marinette asks.

"Sorry Mari, my dad wants me to come home today," Adrien said, standing.

"It's fine, just remember mama and papa would be heartbroken if they don't see you soon," Marinette said walking towards the entrance.

"Hey I've been busy, could you imagine how much more busy I would be if we hadn't threatened to dye my hair?" Adrien laughs, remembering that wonderful weekend.

"What do you mean?" Lila asked, racing up behind them.

"A couple of weeks ago, Adrien wanted to have a sleepover with our friend group, but his dad was being himself and decided that he couldn't," Marinette started, prompting Adrien to finish. "They snuck in through the window with some semi-permanent dye and the dyed my hair lime green. I threatened to shave my head if he kept forcing me to stay in the house."

"You're a bad influence on him!" Lila shouts, grabbing her arm.

"All I'm showing him is that he doesn't have to live his life as a prisoner in his own house," Marinette responds, pulling her arm from Lila's clutch.

"And I couldn't be happier," Adrien says as his car pulls up. "Bye Mari, we still on for after school?"

"Yes, Mama said if you don't learn how to back soon she'll disown me," Marinette laughs, hugging him.

"She can't disown you and even if she did Bruce would be more than happy to take you back," Adrien snickers.

"So are we never going to talk about this again?" Lila asked, the two friends stopping in their tracks.

"As long as you don't lie, we could start a friendship," Marinette smiles. "See you in class, Lila. Welcome to our class." They wave and walk there separate ways.

Stuff started to go downhill from there, Alya and Nino believed Lila lies over Marinette and their friend group them. It was a dark time in Marinette's life, everyone besides Chloe and Adrien. The retaliation that the class set against them was beyond tolerable. Gabriel still made Adrien deal with Lila because apparently 'she is all the rage right now.' Marinette had been more unhappy than usual so Marinette's parents decided that she needed a break from the drama, but on her last day before her vacation when everything went to hell. 

"I can't believe she was even let into this school!" Alya loudly exclaimed during lunch. 

Lila's sniffled, she had been distressed because Marinette 'supposedly' made fun of her for her past, "What do you mean?"

"Well before she became a jealous wench we were best friends, I just so happen to know almost everything about her," Alya snickers.

"What do you mean? She has secrets?" Lila asks, rubbing her eyes to wipe her tears away.

"She used to live in America, where her dad left her before she was born. Her mother was a stripper and died because she couldn't pay for her drugs and was shot," Alya laughs. "She lived on the streets until Sabine and Tom adopted her. Then she became friends with Chloe and Adrien for their money and connection, obviously. She then manipulated Adrien, Lila's soulmate, to hate her."

"I recommend you silence yourself before I break your elbows and give them to Titus," A voice comes from the entry of the cafeteria. "You're saying only the bad, most of them exaggerated and false.

"And you are... someone she paid to pretend to like her?" Lila asked.

"No, she doesn't need to pay me, even if she could she wouldn't be able to. She is my best friend," he said.

"Ummmm... No! I'm her best friend and she's never spoken of you," Alya said, crossing her arms.

"A real friend would check her statements before announcing these lies. Speaking of the Angel, where is she?" he asked.

"You must not be talking about her because she's an actual demon," Lila sniffles. "Have you heard the things she's done to me?"

"And I don't believe you," He said.

"Thanks, Demon. I never needed any of them all I needed was my closest and most trustworthy friends," Marinette said after she had run and hugged him.

"Hey, Angel, it's good to see you again," he said into her hair.

"And who are you, 'Demon', you never answered," Alya asked, putting air quotes around 'Demon'.

"I'm Damian, Marinette's best friend," Damian said, an arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"That's debatable, we both know I'm her better friend," Adrien snickers.

"Nope. I was her first friend," Damian answers.

"But first is the worst, and as being her second friend, I'm the best," Chloe says, smiling.

"Come on guys, you get to spend all the time with me, let me spend some time with Damian. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving," Marinette says, snuggling into his embrace.

"Good job making the conversation all about you," Lila remarks.

"Whatever... come on let's go to class, the sooner this ends, the sooner I can leave," Marinette says and they turn to walk to class. 

"Who the hell does she think she is?" Lila said, crossing her arms.

"A jealous, psychotic, gold-digging, wench," Alya answers.

"With good tastes though, did you see that hot piece of man that defended her," Lila said.

"Dark and brooding," Alya adds before they head to class. The lesson was normal, glares and disappointing glances sent her way, as she designed. With fifteen minutes before dismissal for the day, a knock came at the door. 

"I'm here for Marinette," Damian said, entering the room.

"Oh thank God, I don't know how much more of this crap I can take," She responds in English. "Bye Chloe, Adrien, love you both, see you next week." She hears her friends respond with a bye as the door closes.

The trip went well and the time was well spent. Marinette released her first line while in Gotham under, the alias she used to be known as, Sunshine. They had a party held in her honor where for the first time ever, she showed her face to the public and the Ice Prince and Princess Sunshine became an official couple. She melted his heart, as said by a majority of the news outlets. 

She had also made a speech at the closing of the ball. "So honestly, I just want to thank Bruce, who was kind enough to foster for me, Damian, who was a supportive food friend turned boyfriend, my brother, Jason, Tim and Drake, who taught me to live my life. Along with my two best friends, who I met in Paris, Chloe Bourgeois and Adrien Agreste. My adopted parents, Tom and Sabine, who only have my best interest at heart. Last but not least I would love to thank my antagonists all my classmates, who I'm too mature to call out by name, especially the liar, you know who you are."

The girls watch in disbelief. Lila was crying actual tears as she saw her lie-kingdom begin to fall. Alya cries as she sees her career end. 

When Marinette returned a couple of days later, Marinette walked into class early, smiling. Alya stood there, arms crossed and glared ready. "You are a petty waste of--"

"I could have been petty and released all your names," Marinette says, trying to walk past the red-head.

"No, that is just common courtesy, it was just petty to bring us up in your lies," Lila said.

"You want to see petty, fine," Marinette said, dropping her bag on Bustier's desk. She pulls out her notebook and rips it.

"So... why should we care," Lila asked.

"That. That right there ripped up and at the bottom of the waste bin is our end of the year trip," Marinette said, pointing to the waste bin.

"You! You petty bitch!" Lila screams.

"Yep, and proud of it," Marinette smiles and takes a seat, but not before placing a stack of papers on their desk.

"Also this is for you," Adrien says, walking into class. He places a stack of papers on Alya and Lila's desk.

"And what are those," Lila says, significantly paler than normal.

"Well from me, those are lawsuits from my parents, Jagged Stone, and the Waynes," Marinette said, smiling as she took a seat.

"Mine is a court-mandated cease and desist order for your Ladyblog, for spreading rumors about the Agreste Brand. For you, Lila, your papers are termination papers, for spreading false rumors," Adrien said.

"W... What, you can't do this the Ladyblog is my life work!" Alya screamed.

"Who cares about you!? My mum is going to send me back to military school if she finds out I got in trouble for lying, please don't do this," Lila exclaimed, falling on the ground.

"I gave you a way out last year, you didn't take it," Adrien said, sitting beside Chloe and Marinette.

"It's all your fault! If you hadn't been such a bad influence on him I could have had it all," Lila screamed, attempting to jump at him.

"Nope! you couldn't have," Damian said entering the room.

"Lila Rossi, you're under arrest for working the terrorist, Hawkmoth and using celebrities' names to get free things," the officer said.

"Damian, what are you doing here?" Marinette asks, standing up to greet her boyfriend.

"Father and I are here on business," he responds hugging her,

"And does any of that business have to do with you helping me?" Marinette asks, smiling into his embrace.

"Some of it the other half was actual, WE work. I'm going to be working in this wing of WE when I graduate," Damian smiles.

"Sounds great, Demon," Marinette says, breaking the embrace to look him in the eyes.

"I can't wait to start this next chapter of my life with you by my side, Angel," Damian said, kissing the crown of her head.

Extra (how Damian realized Marinette was definitely not just a friend):

Marinette had come to the ball (not really party just really big party) wearing a light blue off the shoulder cocktail dress, looking as beautiful as normal. He had been enjoying himself until he saw it. Normally he’s not one to be jealous, but the way she was smiling at this guy was bothering him. Damian found Jason and told him. “I have a suspicious feeling about that guy.”

“Are you it’s not because how he’s making her smile?” Jason asks, nudging him with his elbow. 

“And why would that bother me!” Damian asks. 

“Well remember that time in the gym, right after Marinette became Ladybug and you found out she had a partner,” Jason asks, Damian gave a nod, yes. “Well today could be that day. The longer you wait the less chance you have with her.” He finishes before walking away. 

Extra (how they became a couple):

He was utterly and completely hecked --gotta keep it family friendly ( ; -- he was in love with his best friend and it looks like someone had already beaten him to it. At the thought he walked away to the balcony, failing to notice the bluenette, who had seen him sad and decided to check up on him.

When she found him he was leaning on the guardrail he was holding a glass of grape juice, not being the legal drinking his brothers found it funny to give him it. “What’s the matter Dami?” Marinette asks, putting a hold on his shoulder. 

“It nothing, I just realized that I’ve been missing who's been in front of me this whole time and now its too late,” he sighs, taking a swig from his glass.

“Missing who?” Marinette asks, placing her head on his shoulder.

“You, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me and it’s too late now,”  Damian explained.

“What do you mean it’s too late?” Marinette said, lifting her head. 

“Didn’t that guy ask you out?” Damian asks, standing up straighter. 

“What? No Dami. He’s a client,” Marinette explained, pulling him into a hug. 

“Wait seriously?” Damian says. “God, I’m so stupid.”

“Yes Damian, if you hadn’t noticed I’m head over hill for you,” Marinette says, kissing his cheek. 

“Seriously!?” Damian asks, picking her up in a spin. 

“If I didn’t know Adrien I would say you’re the most oblivious person I know,” Marinette giggles into his embrace.

----------------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@northernbluetongue @chocolatecatstheron @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @gwennex @abrx2002 @sonif50 @silvergold-swirl @sturchling @rosep16 @toodaloo-kangaroo @captainmac6 @crazylittlemunchkin @tired-butterfly @emo-elaine13 @book-lover-2006 @weird-pale-blonde-person @rebecarojas07 @dahjokester @jessigurl-design @vixen-uchiha @daminett4life @cici-schnee @clumsy-owl-4178 @lavenderchaitea @grimmhallow31

[flowercrown-bard]

Birds Still Sing When They Fall From The Sky

part 1  part 2  part 3  part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 belongs to this

Content warnings: memory loss due to old age. Yelling. Not being able to deal with other people’s memory loss. Guilt and feeling selfish for not being able to handle things. 

this is like 4k

Geralt had been prepared for a bad day. He had known one would come eventually.

For a while everything had looked up. Jaskier had blossomed with the flowers, his mind and hands occupied with something that brought joy to his now so monotonous life and a smile to his lips. It had been good.

It had been too good.

Of course, it couldn’t last; it never did. Geralt should have known. He should have prepared for – but he had hoped. Foolishly, he had pushed all thought of what could happen to Jaskier to the back of his mind. He had built a wall around that thought – that fear – with flowers and laughter and soft smiles. He had thought the wall was made out of stone; steadfast and able to keep the raging monster at bay.

He had been wrong. The wall had been made of glass, filling with cracks while Geralt was too occupied and too blind to see until one day it splintered.

Geralt had known there would come a bad day and that would be fine. After all, it was nothing he wouldn’t be able to deal with. He had done it before, had guided Jaskier through the fog in his mind, had taken walks they had taken countless times before, watching as Jaskier took it like it was the first time.

A bad day was nothing to break over. This, however ….

It hadn’t just been a day, not even a week. Almost a month went by and Geralt had to stand by helplessly, as Jaskier retreated farther and farther into that void where he couldn’t find him, where he wouldn’t be able to hear Geralt call his name.

Geralt couldn’t be helpless. The whole reason for his creation was that he would be able to better help people. And Jaskier needed him. He needed him. Even if sometimes it seemed like he didn’t even notice that Geralt was there at all. Geralt felt it in the way, Jaskier’s hand would tighten in his, before his eyes found Geralt and after a brief furrow of his brow, his confusion would smooth out into relief.

Geralt knew Jaskier needed him by the way he sometimes called out for him, when he was out of sight, in a voice that bordered on panic. I am here, Geralt wanted to say. I am here, I am not leaving you. I’ve got you. Most of the times, he never even got the chance to say these words. Jaskier’s cries broke off as soon as he caught sight of Geralt again, laughing as though he had never fallen into this blank panic that was rooted too deep in Jaskier’s frittered head for Geralt to understand.

Geralt knew that Jaskier needed him by the words that kept repeating over and over in his mind. The words Jaskier had said to him while waiting for a gathering storm to break over them.

Geralt had promised him he would try to open the windows that Jaskier had shut, whatever that was supposed to mean. The words were just starting to make sense to Geralt, their urgency making his heart clench uncomfortably. He promised. So he would try.

By the gods, he was trying. He was trying so hard, but damn it, it hurt. No matter what he did, Jaskier only ever escaped this place in his head for brief moments. He was calmer when Geralt was near, he was happier, when Geralt read to him or listened to Jaskier talk about some adventure or other, as if Geralt hadn’t been there every step along the way.

Jaskier knew he was trying. But Geralt knew that wasn’t enough.

He had thought he would be fine. He had thought he’d made his peace with Jaskier getting old.

What a fucking lie that had been. There was no peace in this, nothing about this was easy. It was painful and it gnawed at him like a griffin playing with its prey, making it seem like it had a chance of escape only to tear its claws into it once it felt the air of freedom. This shouldn’t be so hard for Geralt. It didn’t make sense. After all, he had gone through much worse; had been on the brink of death and desperation time and time again and had seen others succumb to it. So what made this so unbearable? What made this so different?

Jaskier. Back then, he had always had Jaskier by his side, reassuring him that everything would be alright and giving him the strength to push through with his softly hummed melodies and gentle touches.

He just needed Jaskier back, needed him like a drowning man needed air, but every breath he sucked in, filled his mouth with water. He reached out for Jaskier again and again, desperate for him to tell him that they would get through this, but all Jaskier had done for the past days as Geralt was looking at him for a sign, was stare out at the sea and forget Geralt was even there. Even his lute remained untouched these days.

It was like Geralt had gone off to the coast with a shell of Jaskier, leaving his mind somewhere on the way. He needed it back, just a glimpse of it. He needed his music, his eyes on him, his chatter, his touch. Anything Jaskier could give him, but lately it seemed like there was nothing left to give.

And yet, Geralt tried. Because as much as he needed Jaskier, Jaskier needed him in turn. He had promised.

As they sat in their living room after dinner, Geralt pushed the lute into Jaskier’s hands.

“Won’t you play me that song about the cockatrice?” He said, as Jaskier turned the instrument over with a thoughtful look. “I always liked that one.”

Filled to the brink with innuendos and puns, it was one of Jaskier’s most inappropriate songs and the one that never failed to bring laughter onto Geralt’s lips and mirth into Jaskier’s eyes.

“Cockatrice?” Jaskier plucked one string. It was out of tune. Confusion seeped out of this one word, but his eyes were clearer than they had been in a while. A tiny seed of hope took root in Geralt’s chest. “I don’t think I’ve ever written one about those. You were always far too stingy with the details. Maybe you should tell me about it some time?”

Geralt’s throat became tight, like a garrotte was laid around his neck; like a djinn was punishing him for being foolish enough to wish for a peaceful life with his beloved.

With a shaking voice, Geralt began to recount the hunt he had been on years ago. As the tale went on, Jaskier’s eyes filled with laughter and the hope in Geralt’s chest began to grow, almost blooming, when Jaskier’s fingers twitched on the lute, instinctually finding the placement of the chord he had chosen years ago to begin the song. His fingers lingered like that, not quite playing, but hovering, as though somewhere deep down his body still knew what it was supposed to do even though it couldn’t breach the blockade in his mind.

Jaskier didn’t play the song that evening. Instead, he sat down at the table and wrote down scraps of lyrics as though it was the first time they came to his mind, while Geralt felt the burning presence of the notebook nestled somewhere between an old bestiary and a book of poetry, that already held this song inside its pages.

He could just pull it out and show the finished song to Jaskier. Instead, he sat down close to him, soaking in every concentrated furrow of his brow and every time his tongue would flit out of his mouth, as he thought of a fitting rhyme. Geralt gave suggestions and felt his heart tear, when Jaskier’s eyes lit up as though Geralt had come up with the most wonderful thing, when really, all he did was recite something Jaskier had thought up himself.

It hurt, but at the same time, it filled Geralt with relief he hadn’t known in weeks. Jaskier was back to composing. He took notice of Geralt and spoke to him like he had done before.

The next day, Jaskier was watering the flowers, talking excitedly about how maybe he would make them into flower crowns for the next market.

Geralt smiled. Jaskier was coming back. Slowly, he rebuilt the glass wall, with flowers, with songs, with gentle touches and kind words.

He should have been prepared for it to crack again.

--

The first thing Geralt noticed when he came from his errands was the scent of flowers. Something was off about it, though he couldn’t quite put his fingers on it. There was none of the sweetness of a flower in bloom that should have been there. It was more akin to the crisp sharpness that came from a freshly cut plant or of the foul stench of a rotten one.

“Jaskier?” He called out, but received no answer.

Dread pooled in his stomach, as he rounded their cottage. His eyes went wide, his feet suddenly rooted to the ground.

There sat Jaskier, amidst their bed of flowers, clearly careful not to crush any of them, surrounded by clipped stems. Around him lay hundreds of petals as if a rainbow had decided to rain down on him.

“Jaskier,” Geralt breathed, when his heartbeat had calmed enough to give him his voice back. “What happened? The garden is destroyed, what – are you hurt?”

Jaskier didn’t answer; didn’t even turn to look at him. An icy grip clawed at Geralt’s heart and his blood ran cold.

“Jaskier?”

Still, he didn’t look up. Instead, he reached for another flower, one of the few that were still left unharmed. Geralt’s breath hitched, when Jaskier plucked it and ran his fingers lovingly over the petals before ripping them out one after the other, all while muttering to himself.

“He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me – “

Geralt could do nothing but watch, as Jaskier’s shoulders sagged when the last petal fell with a “He loves me not.”

With grim determination, Jaskier reached for the next flower. Geralt reacted faster than he could think, grabbing Jaskier’s wrist before he could get to it.

There were so few flowers left. Jaskier finally lifted his head. Geralt met the cornflower eyes of his buttercup and he felt something break within him.

This was – this had been theirs. Together they had worked on this, poured time and their hearts into this garden. It had helped Jaskier, it had made him happy.

And now it was gone.

Geralt couldn’t speak. Could do nothing, as Jaskier cocked his head, confused, maybe surprised. Nothing in him seemed to understand what he had done. What he had just lost.

“Geralt?”

“Why are you doing this?” Geralt’s voice shook and he could feel something hot rising inside him.  

“I need to find out… I just want to be loved.” He sounded so small. So insecure. So lonely.

I am right here, Geralt wanted to scream. I am here and I love you. You are so loved. But the words wouldn’t come out.

Jaskier didn’t feel loved. After all Geralt was trying to do for him, he didn’t feel loved.

Geralt should have known. He should have known that he wouldn’t be good enough. He had tried. He had done everything he could think of and still it wasn’t enough. All they had left was a torn up garden and Jaskier sitting amidst shredded flowers, desperate for them to tell him that he was loved.

It shouldn’t hurt like it did. Geralt had gone through worse. He shouldn’t feel anger bubble up inside of him. None of this was Jaskier’s fault. It was his own damn fault. For hoping. For thinking that some flowers and notebooks could make this right.

Geralt’s hand started to tremble and Jaskier’s hand slipped out of his loosened grip, breaking the next flower.

Something in Geralt snapped.

“Damn it, Jaskier!”

He didn’t know what else he was shouting. The words didn’t matter. His tone was enough to tear at Jaskier like Jaskier had torn at the flowers, at the fragile life they had. At the oh so breakable glass wall around Geralt’s fears.

It was too much. The walls crumbled to dust and everything came crashing down on Geralt. Nothing he would do could stop this. A good day, a good month. Flower arrangements and fragments of songs. What was it all, if Jaskier was going to leave him again?

Geralt needed to get out of here. He couldn’t stay here a second longer, looking at the shards that their lives had become littering the ground like flowers strewn at a wedding.

His body wasn’t his as he stood up and staggered backwards, away from Jaskier who was still staring up at him with wide eyes, so small and so hurt.

The desperate anger vanished within a heartbeat, leaving only a hollow helplessness. Moments before he fled, he watched Jaskier’s mouth move with silent words, a familiar farewell, before he dropped the flower.

The last He loves me not was still hanging in the air as Geralt’s feet carried him away.

--

The fact that Geralt had enough presence of mind to go to Kris did little to soothe the crushing guilt he felt.

But quite obviously, Jaskier wouldn’t want to see Geralt again, so soon after his outburst. He had thrown away his privilege to be the one to be able to comfort Jaskier. And even if he still had it … Geralt couldn’t bring himself to turn back quite yet. He couldn’t see Jaskier like this. Maybe his state would be even worse once he returned.

He was no help to Jaskier like this. Being close to Geralt when he was so lost would do him no good.

The only thing he could do now was give Jaskier his space, get him into the care of someone who wouldn’t fuck this up.

The conversation with Kris passed in a blur. Back during the storm that now seemed so long ago, they had said they’d help should Geralt ever need it. He had never let himself need that help. Now, there was nothing else he could do than beg for it.

One look at Geralt had been enough for Kris to turn serious and after a rushed explanation, they had left their home to make sure that Jaskier was alright, only turning back once to give Geralt a strange look, almost worrying, as though Geralt deserved such a sentiment. There was no contempt in Kris’ eyes, no anger at how he had treated Jaskier, though Geralt knew he deserved nothing less than to be scorned for what he had done.

Before Geralt could figure out what exactly that look had meant, Kris turned around and left him alone.

Geralt didn’t know how long he just stood there in front of Kris’ home, not knowing where to go, now that he didn’t have Jaskier to tell him where he would like to take a stroll.

Without thinking, Geralt’s feet carried him along a familiar path, the one that lead to the part of the shore where they had gone to before they had entered their new home together for the first time.

Geralt stared blankly at the water. There was so much emotion that had laid dormant beneath a blanket of denial and naiveté, so much that now threatened to break through, if only Geralt deserved to feel it. But how could he let himself feel like his world was collapsing around him, while Jaskier was the one who at times didn’t know where he was? How could he allow himself to spill tears, when Jaskier was the one feeling unloved and alone? Geralt wasn’t the one who had all those horrible things happen to him, all he ever did was witness them. He had no right to be so selfish and break down. He should be strong. For Jaskier. That was all he had to do, so why the fuck was he not able to?

Geralt pressed one hand against his face, dragging it down, as though it could wash away all those unwanted feelings he shouldn’t be having. All it did was remind him of the way Jaskier would always caress his cheek, hold his face tenderly in his hands like he was the world and tell him that it was alright.

But Jaskier wasn’t here and nothing was alright. There was nothing Geralt could do to make it alright. He had failed him. He couldn’t even be with Jaskier right now, making sure he didn’t get hurt.

A sudden spike of fear pierced his chest and sent poison through his veins. Anything could be happening to Jaskier right this moment, while he was away, sulking.

Damn it, how could he have been so stupid to leave Jaskier alone? There had been a reason why Geralt had given up hunting. Because Jaskier needed someone to be there for him, now that he was lost in his own head, he needed that more than ever. Sure, Kris was with him, but that changed nothing about how Geralt had abandoned him. No, not only that, he had yelled at him, flung poison words at him he didn’t even remember.

Gods, what if those words were the last thing Jaskier ever remembered of him?

The way back felt like an eternity, despite Geralt running as fast as the slippery sand under his feet would let him.

He never should have acted so selfishly. He needed to get back. He needed to make sure Jaskier was alright. Please, let Jaskier be alright!

Geralt slammed the door to their cabin open, uncaring of the noise it made, as it hit the wall. His heart was hammering against his chest and his eyes darted frantically across the room, scared of what he would find.

All air was punched out of him in relief, when his eyes landed on Jaskier, who was sitting comfortably next to Kris, showing him his latest notebook.

At the unexpected noise, Jaskier looked up, startled. Fear seized Geralt’s heart anew, when their eyes met.

“Jaskier.” The name a broken prayer on the lips of a man who had done too much wrong to deserve forgiveness.

He wasn’t prepared for Jaskier’s eyes to light up like this, like he had just seen the sun after a rainy day.

With help from Kris, Jaskier stood up and walked towards Geralt, a grin splitting his face.

“Geralt, you’re back!”

Arms embraced Geralt, holding him close like he had been gone for months. The tender touch burned him. Uncertainly, Geralt lifted his own hands to lay them to rest on the small of Jaskier’s back.

When Jaskier finally pulled back, he looked Geralt over critically, as if assessing something. His expression fell, when he reached Geralt’s face.

“You look like shit,” Jaskier said and reached out to hold his face in his hand.

Geralt couldn’t breathe. It was too close to the comfort he needed. The comfort he shouldn’t have to need. “Did something go wrong on the hunt? Some arsehole tried to swindle you out of your payment again?”

“I – what?” A thumb brushed over Geralt’s cheek and he was so tempted to just lean in and let himself get lost in the sensation. But he couldn’t. “Jaskier,” he said, carefully taking Jaskier’s hands off his face. “There was no hunt. There hasn’t been one for months.”

“Oh?” Jaskier titled his head to the side. “Where were you then? You’ll have to tell me all about it. Wait, just let me get my quill.”

“Jaskier.”

He stopped in his tracks and turned back to Geralt. He looked almost content, excited at the idea of getting another story from Geralt, when he should be asking for something else entirely.

It shattered Geralt’s heart that he would have to crush that excitement. But he had to tell Jaskier about what truly happened. Any other day, he might have made something up, told Jaskier of some hunt he had gone on years ago, but this was not something he could ignore, even if Jaskier didn’t remember. Jaskier deserved an apology. Geralt had made the mistake of not giving him one in time once before and he had sworn to himself that it would never come to that again.

Jaskier had been angry then. Rightfully hurt after what Geralt had hurled at him on that mountain. Jaskier’s fury had stung, but somehow it was worse that now Jaskier didn’t even know what Geralt was asking forgiveness for.

The words tumbled out of Geralt’s mouth with no way of stopping them. He begged, pleaded with Jaskier; told him that he wouldn’t let him down like that again, that he would keep trying, that he would rebuild their garden and that it didn’t matter how often Jaskier would tear it down again.

He knew he was rambling and that his words didn’t make sense to Jaskier -  they barely did to his own ears. And yet, Jaskier looked at him attentively, his searching eyes never leaving Geralt’s.

“I forgive you,” he said finally.

Geralt scoffed and squeezed his eyes shut, unable to look into Jaskier’s sincere expression any longer, lest he actually believed his words. “You don’t know what you’re forgiving me for.”

A hand in his hair, so gentle, so fucking comforting. “No, but I know you.”

And somehow after everything, those simple words were enough to break Geralt.

The first sob escaped him without him noticing, his mind still too preoccupied with the total conviction in Jaskier’s words that was so sweet but cutting into the pieces of his heart.

He knew Geralt. Despite all the things he didn’t know or couldn’t do anymore, he knew him.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jaskier whispered into his hair, as his arms encircled Geralt once again. This time, Geralt wasted not a moment, before holding Jaskier tightly against him and pressing his face into the crook of Jaskier’s neck.

Whoever had said that witchers didn’t know how to cry had never been more wrong. Geralt barely registered the wet trails his tears left on Jaskier’s shirt, as Jaskier rubbed soothing circles onto his back.

“I miss you,” Geralt said, his broken voice muffled by Jaskier’s shoulder. Was is possible to grieve for someone who was still alive? “I miss you so fucking much.”

“I’m here, love.” How? How did these words that had gotten stuck in Geralt’s throat so often over the past days come so easily to Jaskier? “I’m here, like I’ve always been. I won’t leave you.”

“I won’t leave you either. I promise. I promise.” His fingers gripped Jaskier’s shirt, desperate to hold as much of him as physically possible. “I love you. You are so loved. I swear I will do anything to make sure you never feel unloved again.”

He didn’t know how long they stood like this, just holding each other, never wanting to let go.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Geralt whispered, the sobs having ceased, but his throat still raspy from crying. “You need me. You shouldn’t have to see me like this. I shouldn’t be the one breaking down.”

Jaskier’s hand crept up to settle between Geralt’s shoulder blades, but it was Kris who spoke up.

Geralt very nearly flinched. He had gotten so lost in the comforting warmth of Jaskier’s arms around him that he had almost forgotten that they were still in the room with them.

“That’s not how this works.” Geralt lifted his head to look at them, but not ready yet to give up his safety in Jaskier’s arms. Kris came closer, an open expression on their face. “Don’t ever think you’re not allowed to feel, only because someone else is being hurt as well.”

“But Jaskier –“

“Is comforting you now, isn’t he?”

As if in answer, Jaskier nuzzled his head against Geralt’s cheek.  

“I don’t-“ Geralt’s voice broke off. “He needs me.” To be strong. To be here for him. To not break down crying, angry and hopeless in front of him.

A frown creased Kris’ face. “And what do you need?”

“I need –“ I need no one. And the last thing I want is someone needing me. And yet here they were. “I need help.” The admission came out as little more than a breath. Geralt’s body went rigid, waiting for his masters to tell him that witchers didn’t get help. A witcher who couldn’t face monsters on their own was a dead witcher. But this wasn’t a monster he could fight. “I can’t do this alone.”

“You don’t have to.” A tiny smile cracked on Kris’ lips. “I meant it when I told you I would help if you asked me to.”

Geralt was asking. Not with words, but with the desperate way he clung to Jaskier. Kris seemed to understand.

So did Jaskier. Lips brushed against Geralt’s wet cheek. Geralt wasn’t alone in this. Never would be again.