#‘if your loved one has [disorder] never stop encouraging professional help’

[rubysparx]

Horrrible mistske of trying to finfd advice for when you have [The Disorder] by just looking it up

[amazinglyashy]

hi! First of all - i love the way u write omg😭 i basically went through all your posts last evening and today hahah (procrastinating at it’s finest😌) Second - i wanna request a prompt, but i dunno if it’s too close to the one where ‘reader tells the lads boys that she’s too heavy for them’? if so, just ignore this!🫡💗

If not - could you write something about the boys finding out that reader/mc used to have bulimia(/or unspecified ed) and that she’s quietly struggling again, but not telling them? Maybe something angsty/comforting?

Trigger warning - This involves talk about eating disorders. Please use discretion when reading! Oh my gosh, thank you so much!! That means so much, because I used to write a lot years ago but stopped for a long time. I only got back into it recently, so the love I've been receiving has really done a positive number to my confidence. Thank you, lovely <3 I don't think it's possible for me to NOT write this request, because I'm a long time ED sufferer, and I am currently experiencing a harsh relapse unfortunately... You read me like a book, because 'Too Heavy' was a direct reference to that. It's hard, because it's such an invisible problem that oftentimes you suffer alone. Thank you for the request, hopefully I did it some justice, and for you or anyone who may relate to this post. (Also wrote this while listening to Lullaby - Jhameel on repeat. Give it a listen!)

Love and Deepspace Li's find out about your ED (and your current struggle)

Zayne -

The moment he finds out you live with an ED, he's down at the library finding any books he can, and researching as much as possible throughout the hospital and his old college's database.

He's also finding patient testimonials that have been released, so he can find the most compassionate approach that would help you without causing you any more harm than you already are experiencing at the hands of your own mind.

"I found a new restaurant I want to try. Apparently, they make a certain dish really well, I think we should try it together while we go over the latest mission you wished to tell me about."

He knows what you like, so it makes it easy for him to order things to share together places and ensure you're eating.

He will go out to eat every single day if he needs to, that's not any issue to him. Neither is sharing foods or cooking meals that he knows you love, even if they're not particularly his favorite.

He tries not to talk to you much about it, but does his best to be encouraging and nothing more whenever the subject of professional help comes up.

When you start opening up even more to him, he's all ears, and he's exceedingly careful about his choices of words, like he always is, but even more so now. The last thing he wants is to speak a trigger, especially when he's so focused on helping you get better.

He knows it never truly goes away, your disorder. But that's not an issue. It's more... a fact of being with you. And just like you take his problems and disabilities, he will take every single one of yours as well.

In stride, and with love.

Xavier -

He caught on, mostly because he found it strange that one moment you had eaten every single snack in the cupboard, and the next he heard, you hadn't eaten anything all day. He was wondering if it was something he was just unaware of, but-

Quickly finds out what exactly is going on after a few times of this happening. He was worried it was some strange habit, and now he's even more worried finding out it's been something you've been dealing with for quite a while.

He's upset, to say the least. But he'll keep that to himself.

He just wants to help you now.

He'll ask if there's anything that you feel like sharing with him on how to best help you, and there's definitely a note somewhere on his phone with a list of things you told him. If he can do any of them daily, he will. Anything else is always on his mind.

He doesn't let it get in the way of your day to day, though. You still play games together like normal, read together, and go the arcade whenever you both have the opportunity to win some more plushies for your hoards. He's always conscious about his own comments and behavior, but he doesn't ever let it seem like he's keeping an eye on you or trying to supervise you.

The tightrope of trusting you and helping you deal with your disorder is a thin one, and Xavier dances along it with grace.

No matter what, being around him is a comfort. Whether you're having a good day, or a bad day.

Sylus -

He's pretty internally frustrated when he first find out about it, but he doesn't let it show.

It has nothing to do with you or anything you did. He's just used to... having everything under control. For every problem to have a solution solved easily with money, force, or some compassion.

This is something he can't control.

And he hates it.

Aside from that, Sylus is like a light in the dark.

He had a list of trusted professionals to help you, should you want, and multiple of them at that- just in case you don't feel comfortable with the first one or three.

Any food you genuinely like to eat is available at all times, it does not matter if it is three in the morning. Are you wanting it? Nice, it's right there on your plate.

The frequency of which you see him increases, including the twins, despite both situations being... vastly different.

Where he takes you out for dinners at new and gorgeous restaurants, including ones feature in your favorite media or having special events for a game you like- the twins are throwing bags of snacks at you and yelling at you to throw pieces into their mouths and so they can do the same to you.

You will learn Sylus did not ask them to do this, in fact he explicitly told them not to do that.

It's pretty obvious though, they were worried about Sylus. And not just him, but you too.

Probably because of how much Sylus has been concerned about you, even if just in secret.

He doesn't want his feelings to make you feel anything but loved, so prepare for a speech the second you feel any kind of guilty. You're not getting out of this one.

Not until you know how much he cares about you, no matter what.

Rafayel -

The way he treats it is extremely encompassing. The way he sees it, is if you're sad or not doing too hot mentally, it's going to affect every part of your brain, including the parts that make you feel the way you do with your ED.

Driving you somewhere? He's playing upbeat music pounding out of the speakers of his sports car, singing along goofily or making up new words. You haven't eaten in a long time? Too bad, suddenly he's hungry and wants a snack. In fact, he wants a snack every couple of hours. If you binged and feel like dying, he'll be offering you water and any distraction he can to get your mind off of your appearance or the guilt of your binge.

He will spend more of his own free time at the gym if he needs to to work off any extra weight he gains just to help you eat, if eating with him is what helps you and he doesn't want you to see him change and feel guilty over it. He doesn't care.

Constant, constant praise with him. It is not about your appearance, unless it's something you can change. Clothing you picked out, the way your makeup looks today, a hairstyle you did to yourself, etc. So many compliments on your achievements or work, all with a sweet smile across his face.

If it's really bad, he'll paint you gorgeous works in different sizes, that are conveniently perfectly sized to display directly over any mirrors in your apartment.

Whatever you need, he's on it.

He'll be there for you no matter your highs or your lows.

[imacookie212]

I headcanon Dolph snores loudly when he sleeps and that he is tried a lot so that makes me think he may have sleep apnea. How do you think the rest of the Shishigumi would deal with his sleep apnea / loud snoring. ❤️ Please and thank you, ps love your writing.

Lions' Dealing with Dolph’s Possible Sleep Apnea/Loud Snoring 

I love this idea! 

Sleep Apnea: A sleep disorder that causes people to stop breathing while sleeping repeatedly. Please seek professional advice if you believe you’re experiencing this, this is just a simplified answer from one of my classes!  

Ibuki

He’d be one of the few members that would take charge in addressing Dolph’s sleep, encouraging him to see a doctor or even get him a CPAP machine (device that delivers a steady stream of air through a mask to keep the airway open during sleep)

If Dolph one day fell asleep in the general headquarters couch and saw he stopped breathing he’d check his pulse or stare at him until he sees him move again. Imagine that one scene in Family Guy where Louis checks Peter’s pulse lol.

He’ll occasionally tease Dolph if it means that he’ll get help (so Ibuki stops bugging him). Also, he probably blames his excess use of cigarettes and alcohol.  

Free

Likely to yell at Dolph to ‘die quieter’ from across the rooms, even though his hypocritical ass snores just as loud as Dolph

He’ll put a sock in Dolph's mouth if he sleeps near him, then realizing that it’s not helping he takes it out and just opts to throw a blanket over his face. Which either Ibuki or Agata take off if they see. 

Even though he’s not showing his concern outright, he’d bring Dolph some over-the-counter medication from an animal they needed a favor from, and leave it by his nightstand.  

Agata

Just like Ibuki, only more worried and less experienced on how to help. His internet searches revolve around ‘Older lion stops breathing throughout the night’ and ‘calming things for older animals to sleep to’. He’d buy Dolph an air purifier for his room.

Although he’s a heavy sleeper, the process of going to bed is what’s hard for him. If Dolph sleeps before him, it will take hours since he can’t ignore the loud snores or the anxiety of Dolph's sudden silence. He’s going to invest in a pair of noise-cancelling headphones to sleep.

He won’t complain to Dolph since he sees how tired he is all the time, and he’ll lowkey be impressed on how soundly he sleeps given the circumstances. 

Miguel

Again, bro sleeps like a rock, he’s one of the members that does not notice Dolph’s snoring/sleep apnea unless he hears him while napping. If he’s able to wake up to Dolph’s snoring, everyone goes to the hospital or local clinic.

He’d get Dolph a weighted blanket to help him sleep more quietly with the extra pressure. Unfortunately, it crushes Dolph once Miguel drops it on him, clearly it wasn’t a ‘little’ weighted. 

He’d start experimenting with sleep smoothies or magnesium pills, thinking that deeper sleep and a better diet would help Dolph quit waking up the others. 

Sabu

Sabu would probably never say a word about the snoring, even if it drives him crazy. He’d quietly relocate to another room without mentioning why, just to escape the noise.

If he can’t leave, he might nudge Dolph onto his side while he’s sleeping, hoping it would reduce the snoring, it doesn’t sadly

Might suggest it could be something supernatural, he’s older and seen a thing or two in his day. Maybe they angered a spirit and that’s why almost everyone’s sleep is being affected. 

Jinma

Bro is tired! He does not want another spot forming from the amount of eye bags he’s getting from waking up in the middle of the night to either Ibuki or Agata going to check on Dolph.  

He starts suggesting that Dolph either has his own room or has it made sound-proof. He cares, but he needs his sleep if he wants to be on his top game in the black market.

Deep down, he’d worry about Dolph’s health and would gently suggest he gets checked out, wrapping it in humor to keep things light 

Dope

Another heavy sleeper but hears enough complaining from Jinma that they both start to investigate doctors or remedies to try and quiet him down

He’d stick up for Dolph (mostly towards Jinma) if anyone complains too harshly, reminding everyone that he’s not doing it on purpose and that there has to be answers or medicine somewhere 

He probably wouldn’t mind the snores if it were just him and Dolph, he finds the background noise helpful and he’s used to more chaotic sounds 

Hino 

Likely the most annoyed by the snoring, especially if it wakes him up, he starts getting passive-aggressive from the lack of sleep until Agata gets him a pair of noise-canceling headphones 

Will join Jinma and Dope on their hunt for an elixir or doctor, finding comfort with Jinma when they both complain about their interrupted/horrible sleep

He might observe Dolph while he sleeps (in a totally creepy way) to figure out exactly when the snoring starts and why. He’s already up, might as well start tracking him

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

Hyper-vigilance: always feeling “on edge,” alert, unable to relax even in spaces that should feel safe. May be combined with an elevated “flight” response, or feelings of always being prepared to flee. (I used to hide important documents and possessions in a sort of emergency go bag, even when I was living alone and there was no logical reason other than it made me feel “prepared.”)

Difficulty regulating emotions: may include mood swings, persistent numbness, sadness, suicidal idealization, explosive anger (or inability to feel anger and other strong emotions), inability to control your emotions, confusion about why you react the way you do.

Sense of foreshortened future: assuming or feeling that you will die young. Recurring thoughts that "I'll be dead before the age of 30/40/18/21 etc." As a teenager I used to joke darkly that I didn't plan to live past 30—not because I planned to end my life, but because I simply couldn't imagine myself alive and happy in the long-term. I couldn't imagine a meaningful future where I wasn't suffering.

Emotional flashbacks: finding yourself suddenly re-experiencing feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, or anger etc, often without understanding what has triggered these feelings. Often these flashbacks don’t clearly relate to the memory of a single event (since C-PTSD is caused by repetitive events, which can blur together), making them harder to identify as flashbacks—especially if you’ve never heard the phrase “emotional flashback” and don’t know what to look for. For years I just filed it under “sometimes I overreact/freak out randomly for no reason, probably bc I am just a terrible human being.” (It turns out there was very much a reason, it was just hidden in the past. I have since learned to be kinder and less judgemental towards myself.)

There are other symptoms too, here are more links with good info.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I interact with online have risk factors and experiences similar to mine. These include:

growing up in a dysfunctional household

having caregivers who do not fulfill basic emotional needs (do not provide consistent positive attention, encouragement, support, acceptance, communication, a sense of safety and security)

on a very related note, experiencing neglect or abuse at the hand of caregivers or other adults. I also want to emphasize the significance of emotional abuse, since it is hard to recognize, easy to ignore, and utterly rampant in so many communities. In general, family dysfunction, abuse & neglect are quite difficult to identify when you are a child/teen and that is the only “normal” you have known.

(For example, in my family it manifested as an emotionally absent father I was vaguely frightened of, constant nagging from a hypercritical mother, and a house full of people who yelled and screamed at each other. It took me years to realize I grew up in an abusive environment, because there was no physical violence, because I participated in the fighting, and because my behavioral problems made me the family scapegoat. And I internalized that guilt: I thought I was the problem. But no—I was a child, and I deserved not to grow up in a household full of anger and fear and negativity. You deserved that too. You deserved to grow up safe and loved and treated with kindness.) 

anyway back to more risk factors:

being neurodivergent or chronically ill (especially without receiving proper treatment/support/accommodation)

being queer (especially in a conservative or undiverse community, or without the support and acceptance of family & friends)

being the target of bullying or harassment (from peers, teachers, authority figures, irl, online, etc)

being isolated or alienated from peers, from family, from your wider community.

growing up with chronic anxiety, discomfort, pain, fear, or distress caused by any of the above and more.

There are many other experiences that can cause chronic trauma, but these are some particularly common ones I see people in my own community struggling with. And I want more people to be aware of this, because we’ve been taught to ignore and second-guess the significance of our traumatic experiences. We’ve been taught to feel guilty for our own pain, because “other people aren’t struggling, so I shouldn’t either” or (contradictorily) “other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.” But that’s not how it works—you are not other people, and you deserve to have it better. We all deserve better. We deserve to be happy. We deserve not to be in pain.

I used to think I couldn’t have a trauma disorder because (I argued in my head) the things that happened to me weren’t that bad. And then I spent five years in therapy learning to accept the full extent of my issues. I’ve since learned that trauma comes in many forms, and can happen quietly, invisibly, silently, chronically, and usually without the survivor being aware of the long-term repercussions of what they are surviving. That revelation comes later, after you have survived and must instead learn to live.

Finally, no single type of trauma is more real or harmful than any other. Severity is measured by the way the individual is affected, and the same situations affect different people in different ways. Because no one gets to choose how their brain reacts to trauma. No one gets to choose their hurt—otherwise there would be a hell of a lot less hurting in the world.

We can, however, choose to seek help. We can learn to recognize when something is wrong, we can learn when to reach out to professionals, and we can learn to educate ourselves on our injuries.

And gradually, we can learn to heal.

(posts like this brought to you by ko-fi supporters)

[bluediamonder]

it was a lot more than a hug: an (unintentional) short essay on mental health & steven worm

I LOVED THE HUG OKAY.

I’ve seen a lot of people saying things like “uGh thE eNdiNG sUcKEd geTtiNg a hUG doEsN’T sOLvE aLL yOuR pRoBLeMs”. but in my opinion, that’s exactly the point. 

All throughout the second half of SUF, they’re trying to show us that there is no one way to feel immediately better and have all of your problems solved. He goes to pretty much every source he can. The gems aren’t necessarily seeing what he’s going through, Connie isn’t going to solve this for him, his Dad is helping in an unhelpful way, so he goes to Jasper and that went haywire, so he goes to the diamonds and they just make it worse. And then what is he supposed to do?

Every single time Steven goes to a person to “help” him, he’s going to them seeking help in order to fix it. and there’s a big difference between the two. 

I have anxiety, depression, and OCD, and often when I’m panicking or having moments of high anxiety, I do what Steven did: I seek out people not to help me, but to fix it for me. I then react the same way Steven did - with anger - when people try to help instead of just fixing it.

Anxiety, depression, panic, none of those things can be completely and magically cured and rid of in the snap of a finger. But in the moment, for people like me, for a person like Steven, the thought of that feeling not being entirely solveable is petrifying.

 It’s like if someone is drowning and splashing around: you can’t get the life ring around them because of how much movement and commotion they’re creating. But they’re drowning, so you can’t just tell them “Hey, stop moving so I can help you!” From your perspective, you’re trying to help them by encouraging them to do something that will in turn allow you to help them. But to that person, if they stop flailing, they’re going to sink even further, and that is terrifying, so much so that they can’t even consider that you might be wanting to help them. All they can process is that you told them to stop doing the one thing that they don’t want to do: sink. Even if they’re sinking just for a moment, before you save them, that doesn’t matter. That feeling of sinking is terrifying, so they end up splashing around more. 

When Steven seems to be babbling on, almost comedically, in “Everything is Fine”, trying to convince himself he’s fine, he’s gotten to a stage that I was in for a while, a sort of mania, where he is not only attempting to convince everyone around him that he’s fine, he has convinced himself that he is fine. This is a huge red flag for people with bipolar disorder or manic depression (NOT diagnosing Steven, I am not a professional, I’ve just experienced many of these things and been surrounded by people experiencing these things and professionals explaining them to me. Like I said, I was in the hospital for this, so). Everyone around him starts to see that he is, in fact, not fine, as they’ve already surmised. But the physical consequences of them not doing anything, not doing enough, are starting to manifest.

When he morphs into the Steven Worm, he has lost his sense of self. He doesn’t know what to do with himself, he can’t exist within himself with the world he’s created. He didn’t tell the Gems about the hospital, he didn’t tell his dad he was angry, he didn’t actually tell Connie he needed her he just proposed. He doesn’t know what to DO with all of this. So it explodes around him.

He can’t control his feelings, himself anymore. He feels he’s lost control. For me, a human, this morphs into a panic attack. But for him, he’s a gem, he turns into Steven Worm.

Not even the diamonds, the most powerful beings in the entire Gem universe, are incapable of changing him. His emotions bring White Diamond to her knees. But what they’re doing wrong here is they’re trying to fix him!

When Connie bolts in on Lion and is making her (iconic) rallying cry, she never says they need to fix Steven or heal him; she says they need to help him. Because that’s the only way he can get better.

When you go to the psychiatric hospital, you don’t go to get fixed. You’re in an environment where you’re made so you’re not a physical danger to yourself, and then you do a shit ton of work. You have therapy multiple times a day, every day, all week. You do work, they don’t just fix it for you. And this is the solution that we need to see portrayed. This is the solution they did portray in SUF.

Mental health disorders can’t be fixed. And Steven’s problems weren’t solved with a hug. 

But we needed to see the hug. Because Steven needed to see the hug.

The hug wasn’t just about hugging him. It was about literally forcing him to come face-to-face with the love and support he had been inadvertenly, and then intentionally, pushing away. It forced him to say, “Okay, this is who I am right now. And these people love me.”

I had to have the people in my life tell me over and over that they loved me when I went to the hospital. I had to have my doctors tell me that they cared for me, my therapist tell me that I wasn’t talking too much, because I didn’t believe them. I had convinced myself I wasn’t worthy, I was a fraud, just like Steven. Sometimes you need that love in your face, surrounding you so that it is the only thing you can see, for you to be able to let it in. 

The hug didn’t fix everything! That’s the big thing. The hug was a pure, beautiful moment, but I don’t believe it was meant to be a plot device to try to fix everything. Everyone was still emotional, he still destroyed things, he scared people, he scared himself. That wasn’t all magically fixed because of the hug. But his resolve to do the work, get help, and accept what happened to him - that is what made him go from Worm Steven to Boy Steven.

And afterward, we seen Steven has grown. He hasn’t morphed, his hair hasn’t changed, he’s not pink. But he’s grown mentally. He’s communicating more making plans, his disposition has changed.

Previously on this post, I said" I don’t like that they called what he had a meltdown (again, I vouch that it was a gem version of a panic attack)" However, I learned that this is actually a really good term to describe what Steven experienced, and as a person in my ask box (@a2Ieep) noted, could be relevant to the headcanon/idea that Steven is autistic, or at least autistic-coded, as well as his PTSD or cPTSD. None of us can diagnose Steven but that also means I shouldn't just pass off terminology like that! I realized it gave people who self-identify as autistic, the same feelings it gave me as I struggle with panic and anxiety. While we surmise different meanings from the meltdown, it was a meltdown. We all feel so touched by it, and Steven's meltdown felf like a panic attack to me, that doesn't mean it isn't a meltdown, and that it can't be meaningful to someone else with autism or PTSD. Steven's meltdown is just as meaningful to someone who has autism or PTSD, as it is to me with panic attacks. Erasure of someone else's feelings on my part was not okay, regardless of my intent or my own strength of different feelings. Plus, it was his choice to use that term. I just want to make it clear that at first I didn't like the term, but it is actually a really important term to use. I didn't expect the post to blow up like this, so I wanted to make this edit known and seen as it's a really important of this post. Thank you to everyone for understanding! And thank you to @tentacrocacles @transtistic @satoshigekk0uga @mercurialmeditator @possumpiebruh and @a2leep for sharing their feelings ans thoughts with me, which helped me to realize this and investigate and alter my own sentiments!

but YALL STEVEN HAS A THERAPIST NOW! He’s is not only getting the help that he needs, he is showing that he is going to continue needing this help, and that’s okay! He’s making plans to visit people, to go see the world, on his own terms! 

 He’s scared and sad of leaving the gems, and it’s also time to leave the gems. It’s time to move on, and be a new Steven.

We’ve seen a lot of Stevens the past few weeks. But Steven driving off past the Big Donut into the night was my favorite Steven. That was vulnerable Steven. That was Steven doing the work to be himself, to exist with his feelings and the ways he had acted, and the things he had gone through. That was my boy. Steven Universe.

When I saw my mom for the first time while I was in the hospital, the first thing she did was give me a big hug (I was a blubbering mess, of course). But it wasn’t just that my mom was giving me a hug. She was telling me she was there for me, she loved me, she was telling me she would stay up on the phone with me as long as the doctors would let me, she would drive 3 1/2 hours from our home in Michigan to the hospital in Ohio at a moments notice (I went to school in Ohio and went to the hospital there too before coming home). That hug was her forcing me to see that she was there for me, even if I didn’t believe it, or didn’t want to believe it.

So yeah, Steven got a hug. But it was a lot more than a hug, okay? Take my word for it

[thebeautyoffanfics]

Hi! Can you write headcanons of Teru or Lemon finding out about readers eating disorder? I've been struggling with it recently and can't seem to find any comfort for it anywhere... If you decide not to, I understand since its a pretty triggering topic

teru minamoto x gn!reader, lemon yamabuki x gn!reader

a/n: of course! I’m so so sorry for how long this took to come out, and I do hope that I’ve written it appropriately. I did some research on eating disorders, but I’m still by no means an expert, nor thoroughly educated- still, I hope this turned out alright! I love you, and I thank you for requesting <33 also, if you ever need to talk, do know that I'm entirely willing to listen to you!

I'm also so so so sorry for how long this took!!!!! /srs

(I also apologize if Lemon is OOC, as I’ve never written for him before! It’s kinda exciting writing for someone I never have before, but I do hope he’s at least somewhat in-character <333)

warnings: eating disorders

word count: 894

teru minamoto <3

Teru is a very intuitive person, so he had been able to sort of… guess that something may have been off for a while. No matter how you hide it, he simply… knows and picks up on things.

So, when he found out- be it you telling him, or some other way- he’s honestly disappointed in himself for not being certain earlier.

However, he knows that he can’t help- he’s not a professional. Instead, if you aren’t already, he encourages you to seek professional help. He doesn’t want to overwhelm you, so he does all of that as subtly as he can. If you are seeking professional help, he’ll offer you a smile and tell you that he’s so proud of you for seeking help like that.

Either way, he’s going to say he’s proud that you’ve finally reached out- eating disorders are… dangerous- as is most any disorder. Still, he worries about you falling sick because of it, or worse.

Teru is going to be supportive, while not being overwhelming. He has a way of constantly letting you know that he’s there for you, cheering you on even when you’re at your worst. No matter if you’re having a good day, proud of your progress- or having a day where you’re scared, worried that you’ll never overcome this, yet also worried about your physical appearance. Teru is by your side, a caring hand on your back, offering you his princely smile in an attempt to calm you.

If you are to get focused on your physical qualities, Teru will spend all the time you need telling you how beautiful you are, both inside and out.

He’ll make sure to set down any boundaries you need. Tell him when he should stop- what are your limits? What topics should he stay away from? If you need encouragement, what’s okay for him to say?

He does his best to keep your spirits as high as he can. Teru enjoys taking you lots of places! Be it a park, a lake, or even just shopping! He doesn’t want you to end up feeling bad about yourself, as sometimes happens to him when he stays home all day. Of course, he lets you rest, and stay home as you need- but, if you’ve been home for longer than he thinks is healthy, he’s giving you a call and telling you about a place he wanted to check out!

No matter what, the one thing that you can constantly rely on Teru for is being able to vent to him. Even if the way he comforts isn’t your favorite, he’s an incredible listener. He actively listens- nodding as you say things, and very clearly considering every word that leaves your mouth with his entire heart. The way Teru listens shows how much he cares- which, in turn, may be a bit encouraging for you.

lemon yamabuki <3

Lemon isn’t quite as intuitive as Teru- it takes you telling him what’s going on for him to actually understand the severity of things. It’s one of the few times he actually puts down his phone, and has his entire attention on you.

He doesn’t know too much about eating disorders, but he knows enough to handle you telling him properly. Whether you choose to elaborate or not, Lemon is understanding and patient.

(However, the moment he either gets home or a moment to get back on his phone, he’s searching up ‘eating disorders’ ‘types of eating disorders’ ‘how to comfort partner with eating disorder’ ‘eating disorder severity’)

After his research is done, he thinks he knows a decent amount, and feels a tad more capable of handling things as best as he can.

Lemon isn’t the most comforting individual- his love language, I believe, is quality time. That quality time is typically spent in silence as he scrolls on his phone, showing you pictures, messages, and videos every so often. But, if your love language is something else, he’s doing his best to indulge in it.

Physical touch? His shoulder is pressed against yours, hands intertwining.

Words of affirmation? Well, he’ll compliment and encourage you no matter what, but he tries to amplify it if it’s what comforts you. Constantly telling you how attractive you are, how much he admires you, and how strong you are.

Acts of service? He’s doing anything you need him to. Do you need him to grab something for you? On it, no complaining whatsoever. Heck, want him to load the dishwasher?? Weird request, but alright (as long as he can put on music while he does so!)

Receiving gifts? Buys you ANYTHING that he thinks you may like! He sort of hands them over with a slightly embarrassed, yet strangely calm, look. “This is yours,” He’d say, placing the gift in your hand.

Quality time? As established, that’s his favorite! He has no problem with that whatsoeeeever!!

Still, Lemon does worry about you- he makes sure that you at least have adults who know about it. If you have told adults, he’s going to casually imply having you at least see a therapist, if you aren’t already. Lemon wants so badly for you to love yourself as much as he loves you- as unconditionally as he loves you. He’s bad at putting it in words, but he genuinely wants you to be nothing but happy and healthy.

[hughiecampbelle]

Peaky Blinders Preference: Partner Having Bipolar Disorder

A/N: I just wanna preface this and say though I have type two, I can't speak for the universal experience of this type nor the disorder as a whole. Everyone's experiences are different and completely valid! Here are two lil links here and here if you wanna know more!!! There are tons more resources as well!!! I really hope you like this my love and that others can relate/find comfort in this!!! 💕

Requested: you mentioned you write for bipolar reader and i’m so happy about that lol. if it’s possible can i please request some headcanons for junior peaky (finn, isaiah, michael, bonnie) with a bipolar s/o? thank you sm!!!! ~ anon

Finn doesn’t quite understand. He tries to, he really does, but you know your boyfriend well enough to understand certain things just don’t click, at least not right away. He thinks of it simply as mood swings, mild ones, like the way bad news changes someone’s day. Of course it’s not, but you know things like this take time. Even if he doesn’t understand, he’s still there. Mental health goes unspoken in his home. It’s this weight on all of them that no one talks about. He might not get it 100%, but he’s proud beyond belief that you do talk about it, that you address it when so many he knows run away from it. It’s not that he’s scared, but he does distance himself when things are bad, either when your incredibly low or riding a certain high. He doesn’t want to say or do the wrong thing, he doesn’t want to encourage anything that might end up hurting you in the end. You assure him, whatever you might be dealing with, that you’ve got a grip on it, and when you don’t, that you’ll see a professional. It doesn’t change how you feel about him or your relationship, you assure him. When Finn asks if you’re okay, you know he wants a completely truthful answer in response. 

Michael also doesn’t understand. At first, he is confused, and becomes defensive, but it’s never out of hostility or cruelty. He thinks of it as himself, like he finds days he can’t get out of bed, but he does so anyways, much like the rest of the world, so why can’t you? He gets grand ideas and notions, but he can talk himself out of it, realizing how unrealistic it all is, so why can’t you? It doesn’t really make any sense. You have to sit him down and really explain that it’s different, that these aren’t just moods, but things that impact everything. Your energy, your sleep, your appetite, everything. He did, at one point, think of you missing dates and plans, stuck in bed, or running off, completely entranced by this idea that’s taken over, disrupting your lives, as a terribly rude thing. It almost ruined your relationship at one point, until you had the courage to tell him. Looking back, he feels awful to ever think such things. You didn’t want to tell him right away. It’s so stigmatized, you were scared about what he might think. He’s not really sure how to help, and ends up going to Polly with a few questions, of which she tries her best to answer, but ultimately tells him to go to you instead. Communication is key in your relationship. It has to be to understand. 

Bonnie asks quite a lot of questions. He’s not curious in a hurtful way, he wants to understand, to know how to help. Some of them are easier to answer than others, of course. You don’t have a straightforward answer for why you feel like this, what makes you feel this way, why you can feel this way, and he doesn’t. You don’t always have a specific name for what you’re feeling either, like mad or sad or happy don’t fully cover it, especially in the midst of a mixed episode. For a while, you don’t show this part of you to him, covering everything up with a smile, but it puts a strain on you, on your new relationship. There is a lot of worry that he won’t see you the same if you do tell him, especially in a time like this, but Bonnie assures you, he’s always there for you. And he is. He’s up with you when you can’t sleep, when your crawling out of your skin, when you need to do something to make it stop, offering healthy alternatives to some of the more self-destructive thoughts. He holds you when things are bad and reminds you that this, like every other bad feeling before, will pass. That you’ve gone through this before, you can do it again. You know how exhausted he is because you feel the same way, wishing the cycle could just stop, that all of this could go away. Bonnie assures you this is just one more thing about you to love. 

Isaiah knows a lot about mental illness. Not the science or the specifics, especially not of bipolar disorder, but his father helps a lot of people, especially those who are dealing with mental health issues of their own. They turn to him when no one else will listen. Unlike the rest of the world, he feels not stigma towards it. That gives you a little more reassurance when tell him, but you’re still petrified to do so. It’s one thing it it’s a stranger, but you were his partner, your relationship becoming serious. If you two really were in this for the long haul, you had to be totally honest. He knew something was wrong, that you’d been acting strange, but he never though it’d be that. Still, he doesn’t back away or act shocked, he’s not as horrified as you feared. Isaiah takes it one step at a time. You know yourself best, he trusts your judgement when it comes to your health. He doesn’t intrude when you want to be alone, nor does he pull away when you need him close by. It does scare him sometimes, to think he can’t do more to help, that it’s your own mind against you, but he does what he can, reminding you there is no issue too big or too small that you can’t bring to him. 

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

Tw ED mention, abuse

Me and my younger brother stopped going to my abusive mother's house back in april (my parents had joint custody) and while i completely cut contact, my brother still visits her every now and then. Growing up she pushed a lot of body issues on us and physically, verbally, and emotionally abused us. Now that i am an adult and away from her, I'm aware enough that she has struggled with eating disorders much of her life and likely has ptsd from her own childhood. I believe that does not excuse her actions, as i likely have ptsd and issues as well from several of her actions and never really had a connection to her. She might have gave birth to me, but she was never my mom. My brother, on the other hand, takes a lot of what she says seriously and i have suspicions that he has developed some more food oriented body issues and hasn't been eating very much recently. I've come to work with several of my body issues, including being transgender and having a complicated relationship with food myself, but i have sternly kept against myself developing an eating disorder. He trusted her far more than I did and is far more susceptible to listening to her negative advice.

How do i, for lack of better words, tell if my kid brother has possibly developed an ED and how i can i help him if he does?

Hey anon,

That sounds like an awful environment to grow up in, and I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm glad you're in a position where you've been able to work on your own body issues, that's no easy task and that must've taken a lot of strength and compassion on your part

It can often be difficult to spot ED warnings from an outside perspective because of the nature of the disorders. This will especially be true if he feels like there's a lot of pressure to hide it, or like someone would be angry with him or try to stop it. An eating disorder is by nature competitive and secretive, and the most important thing I think you should know is that if your brother tries to push you away or hide the disorder from you, it is no reflection of you or your efforts. The best thing that can be done to help him is kindness and compassion, being someone he can rely on and talk things through with but not someone that's pushing/pressuring him to heal when he's not yet ready or trying to fix him

Having said that, I think you should try to communicate with him openly. I think it would be best to ask him about his relationship with food in an environment where he feels safe and comfortable, however this looks for him. I would also advise against asking him if he has an eating disorder outright - it can be a scary concept to come to terms with and its likely if he does have an eating disorder he won't feel "sick enough" to say he does. Here are some diagnostic checklists compiled from the DSM in a way that's more easy to understand and quantify (Anorexia, Bulimia, ARFID). These are not the only eating disorders out there, however, so further research on not only these but eating disorders as a collective would be beneficial. I do not recommend armchair diagnosing, but I believe they could be a good starting place when working out what questions to ask him, as well as giving you a better understanding of the mentality behind eating disorders and could potentially be useful for him if he does have an eating disorder and wishes to understand it better/look for a diagnosis

While these signs are not universal, and eating disorders will manifest differently across people and situations, here are some actions to be looking out for: finding excuses to not eat with/around other people, chronic over eating and/or under eating, body checking (excessively looking in mirrors, weighing, physically checking the body such as fingers around a wrist or feeling for bones), hoarding/hiding food, excessively reading food packets, cutting out food groups, fluctuations in weight, loss of energy, continuously going to the bathroom during or after meals, excessive interest in exercise, expressing discomfort relating to food, binge eating, dividing food into small pieces/playing with food. Please remember these are only some of the visible outward signs

Going forward, I think it would be important for you to research eating disorders. It's a very complicated situation to be in, and if you want to be there to support him, it's important you have a good baseline understanding of what is happening and why. Please remember that you are allowed to have boundaries, and I would suggest encouraging him to see a therapist, though this is not always easy or possible. Here is an article that discusses potential ways to help a loved one with an eating disorder and to help them seek professional help. First and foremost, I think the most important thing is to show him you care, as you clearly do, and show him you're someone he's safe to not be ok around

I wish you all the best

- Mod Kieran

[therapy101]

(1/2) With a rise in young children expressing gender nonconformity being sent to gender clinics, being taught about gender dysphoria and being ‘born in the wrong body’ in schools, being guided towards pubertal blockers and medical transition, I was wondering if I could ask for your more knowledgeable input please. When treating such children and adolescents, why is the underlying assumption that the dysphoric feelings are valid and the body is what needs fixing? Why is APA/psychologists

(”2/2) allowing medical decisions to be made based on outdated mind-body dualism? We don’t affirm anorexia and offer liposuction, or the delusions of schizophrenia for instance, so why is this the only mind-body incongruence that’s treated this way? Does GD in a developing child really warrant medicalizing them for the rest of their lives? Since we’ve scientifically concluded gender is a spectrum, shouldn’t we instead be promoting gender diversity no matter what sexed body we’re born in?”

There are a lot of things to unpack and understand here. 

1. The underlying assumption is not that “the body needs fixing.” Medical transition is not the first step for children, adolescents, or adults with gender dysphoria. From 2004-2016, only 92 total children and adolescents out of six million total patients younger than 19 seen in the sample received a hormone blocker for a transgender-related diagnosis. Even among adults, current estimates for the United States are that between 25-35% of trans and non-binary adults complete any kind of gender affirming surgery (this means, even enough those who have surgery, it may only be one type of surgery and may not impact all relevant body parts). Getting access to trans-affirming medical care is very difficult, and structural inequalities like racism impact access to care, leading some trans people, especially Black trans women, to have to buy hormones from non-medical sources. That’s one of the reasons why the APA has come out to support trans folks and gender affirming care: because otherwise, these folks don’t get any care, or they get mistreated. The point here is to ensure that everyone gets equitable access to high quality medical and mental health care. That includes hormones, hormone blockers, and/or surgery for some people, but not everyone. 

2. All feelings are valid- dysphoric or otherwise. Sometimes feelings don’t fit the facts, or acting upon them doesn’t make sense, but that doesn’t take away from their validity. The question is not whether the feelings are valid for kids with gender dysphoria, the question is how to understand that dysphoria better and how to identify what to do about it, both in terms of gender identity and in terms of coping, support and improving overall mental health. This is a great place for a therapist with expertise to step in and help the child and their family figure it out. 

Sometimes the child or adolescent has known literally or essentially their whole life, and that may mean no dysphoria (which is great!). From Katz-Wise et al., 2017: 

For some youth, primarily but not exclusively those ages 7–12 years, indication of transgender identification occurred early and was described as “immediate.” One father of an 18-year-old trans boy from the Northeast noted, “It was so immediate that it was just, you know, it wasn’t like he was seven and he said, ‘Oh my god he thinks of himself as a boy.’ It was just kinda always like that with him.”

For other youth, it is a more gradual process, and may take some time to sort out. Some youth also don’t have dysphoria while they are doing that so there may not be a reason to seek out therapy unless there is some other mental health issue they are facing. But if they do have dysphoria, or are otherwise experiencing mental health symptoms related to their gender identity, then seeing a therapist can help. 

3. Supporting a child to identify as trans or nonbinary or some other non-cis gender is not “medicalizing them for the rest of their lives.” Hormone blockers can be removed, and hormones can be stopped- but I disagree that these are “medicalizing” in any case. A person cannot be reduced down to the medications they take or the treatments they receive. Is a woman with cancer “medicalized” because she undergoes a hysterectomy? Are the children on puberty blockers for medical reasons “medicalized” (>2000 of them in the study I cited above, but no one seems concerned about them)? What about those people with delusions who are put on antipsychotics, which are known to have severe side effects including higher risk of diabetes and heart disease, seizures, tardive dyskinesia, overwhelming sleepiness impacting ability to work or drive, weight gain (I’ve seen clients gain >70 lbs in 3 months), and more? 

I would encourage you to read either of these great studies by Katz-Wise et al: 1 or 2 to understand this better. When you ask trans youth about themselves, the medical aspect is such a small part- they are talking about their whole selves, their hopes for the future, their families and friends, and their wishes to be able to be loved and accepted for who they really are. Some of it is about their bodies, sure, and that can mean that some decide to use hormones and/or hormone blockers or undergo surgery (although we’ve seen that those rates aren’t super higher ). But they’re also just talking about being called the right name and pronoun, getting to wear the clothes that make them feel authentic, getting to date and marry and have sex, and: getting to live. Not being ostracized and assaulted and killed. Like this 8 year old who identifies as a girlish boy worrying he’ll never be able to get married AND be his true self (from the second Katz-Wise et al):

An 8-year-old youth participant who identified as a “girlish boy” similarly worried about other people's reactions related to gender norms in the long-term future, as told by his mother,

He said [to me], ‘But I'm not going to get married, because if I married a boy I'd want to be the bride...I would want to wear a dress and people would laugh at me because I'm marrying a boy and I'd be wearing a dress.

He is 8 years old and these are his worries. As a mental health professional, my immediate thought is that he deserves any and all support that makes sense to him and his family so that he doesn’t have to worry like this. So that he can be 8. 

4. Finally, and probably most importantly: gender dysphoria is different because treating it with hormone blockers, hormones, and surgery is literally life saving. 

As high as 42% of trans people have attempted suicide at least once. For comparison, the lifetime prevalence of suicide attempts in the general population is 3%.  

Study after study has shown that there are three primary factors that reduce suicide risk: 1. Timely medical and legal transition for those who want it; 2. Family acceptance and general support from friends and loved ones; 3. Reduced transphobia and internalized transphobia. (1 2 3 4 5). 

Psychologists want to help people live, and live well. Living well means having a life you enjoy and find meaningful. If medical transition means someone’s suicide risk decreases and their mental health improves, then they can pursue the life they want. Being affirmed in their gender means they can have that part of the life they want. It might also help them get to other things they want (like having the marriage and wedding they envision, like that example). These are things we as psychologists prioritize. Period. 

It’s not the same as anorexia because providing a liposuction for two reasons. One: It would not resolve the dysphoria. People with anorexia who lose weight do not feel better about themselves and their bodies. That’s the dysphoria: people with anorexia (and other eating disorders, sometimes) often cannot see their bodies as they really are. Changing the body won’t help. Unlike in gender dysphoria, where changing the body- either in presentation or actually medically -actually does help. Two: Liposuction for an underweight person with anorexia could kill them. As we’ve discussed, gender affirming surgeries for trans people can save their lives. These are not comparable. 

The comparison to delusions doesn’t work very well because there isn’t really a “medical” intervention you would do to affirm someone’s delusion. But, since you may not know this: we sometimes do affirm people’s delusions, and it’s not necessarily psychologically helpful to try to change someone’s mind about a delusion. Delusions are not bad all on their own, and: sometimes things we think are delusional, actually aren’t, so it’s super important not to assume we know someone’s life and experiences better than they do. (Just recently a nurse assumed a patient was delusional, but actually they were quite rich and owned several expensive cars. People can be rich and have a significant mental illness.) So anyway- I don’t know how that applies. 

Overall: we as a field are still understanding the full spectrum of gender identities and how to do good treatment and good science in relationship with that. But what’s clear is that medical transition is sometimes a part of a good treatment plan for both youth and adults, and that it can save people’s lives. It can make their lives better. I am 100% about saving people’s lives, so I am 100% about a medical transition when appropriate and gender affirming care in general. 

References: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

(email me at academic.consultant101 gmail.com if you need full texts)

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[healinghomegroup7]

What Husbands Can Do When Their Wives Have Postpartum Depression

When your wife has postpartum depression (PPD), which affects about 1 in 7 women after childbirth, you might feel confused, annoyed, scared, sad, worried or any combination of these. My husband certainly did. You might be thinking, "Why can't she just be happy? What's wrong with her? Aren't new moms supposed to be happy now that the baby's finally here? What's going on?"

Remember that PPD is a biochemical disorder which is no one's fault - not yours or hers. Although you can't fix it like you can a broken cabinet or leaky faucet, it's your job to support her as she recovers. Warning signs of PPD include anxiety, lack of energy, frequent crying, inability to sleep at night even when the baby's sleeping, low self-esteem, guilt feelings, appetite problems, irritability or anger, overwhelmed feelings, forgetfulness, decreased sex drive, and hopelessness. The normal Baby Blues should be gone by two weeks postpartum, so if she's still feeling weepy, she needs help. Or, if the symptoms are more severe than the mild Baby Blues even during the first two weeks, don't wait - get her help right away. You or she should call a healthcare practitioner you trust and ask for a referral to a therapist who specializes in postpartum depression.

Here are some pointers that will help you to help her and your relationship: (Excerpts from Beyond the Blues: A Guide to Understanding and Treating Prenatal and Postpartum Depression by Bennett and Indman)

Just being there with her is doing a great deal.

Letting her know you support her is often all she'll need. Ask her what words she needs to hear for reassurance, and say those words to her often. Things like, "We'll get through this. I'm here for you. I love you very much. You're a great mom. The baby loves you. You'll get yourself back. The PPD is temporary. I'm sorry you're suffering - that must feel awful. This isn't your fault."

Share at-home responsibilities.

Even a non-depressed new mom can't realistically be expected to cook dinner and clean house. She may be guilt-tripping herself about not measuring up to her own expectations and worrying that you'll also be disappointed with her. Remind her that parenting your child(ren) and taking care of your home is also your job, not just hers. Your relationship will emerge from this crisis stronger than ever.

Let her sleep at night.

She needs at least 5 hour of uninterrupted sleep per night to receive a full sleep cycle and restore her biorhythms (Chapter 11 of Postpartum Depression For Dummies* explains in detail how splitting the night can work even if she's breastfeeding or you need to leave the house early for work.) If you want your wife back quicker, be on duty for this time without disturbing her. Many dads have expressed how much closer they are to their children because of nighttime caretaking. If you can't be up at night taking care of your baby, hire someone who can take your place. A temporary baby nurse will be worth her weight in gold.

Get the support you need so you can be there for her.

Often a husband becomes depressed during or after his wife's depression. You can help protect yourself by getting your own support from friends, family, or professionals. Regular exercise or other stress-relieving activity is important, so you can remain the solid support for your wife. Provide a stand-in support person for her while you're gone. o Don't take it personally. Irritability is common with PPD. Don't allow yourself to become a verbal punching bag. It's not healthy for anyone concerned. She feels guilty after saying hurtful things to you and it's not good for her. If you feel you didn't deserve to be snapped at, calmly explain that to her. (Excerpts from Postpartum Depression For Dummies by Bennett)

Back her up in her decision- making.

If your wife needs to see various practitioners, take medication, join a PPD support group, stop breastfeeding, or whatever else, she needs to know you're behind her 100 percent. You can certainly participate in the decision-making process, but the decisions themselves are ultimately hers. It can be helpful for you to accompany her to a therapy or doctor's appointment so you can ask any questions you may have regarding her treatment. As a therapist, I find the partner's attendance useful and I encourage it at least once. My client is always relieved to know that her husband is getting support and now understands more about her situation and the illness. o Don't mention how much her care costs. She's already feeling guilty about what she's costing the family, both emotionally and financially. Without your wife's mental health postpartum, nothing else matters. During PPD recovery, couples may use up savings and take out loans - consider it an investment in launching your new family in a healthy way. Be open to doing (and spending) whatever it takes to get her the right, specialized help, not just whoever is covered by the insurance plan.

Practice the work/life balance.

You've probably read your employee handbook about your company's work/life balance program. Now's the time to make it work for you. Tell your manager what's going on at home, that you need to leave work every evening on time, and that you can't take expended business trips for the foreseeable future. You may see this practice as career suicide, but it isn't. Many of my clients' husbands have taken parental leave, and have made the effort to be at home on time every night during this difficult period. Federal law provides husbands job-protected time off from work following the birth of a baby or to care for a seriously ill spouse. If you're a domestic partner, it depends on the state in which you live whether or not you'll be covered. If necessary, go ahead and move off the corporate fast track to help your partner recover. Your physical presence to her is more important than the next promotion, and years from now, when you look back on your life, you'll never regret having chosen family over work. I hear over and over from my clients that they don't care about the big house (with the big mortgage). They just want their husbands at home. So, if you're thinking that it's for her and your kids that you're working long hours, traveling, and so forth, you may want to ask her what she thinks - you many be surprised.

Maintain intimacy.

As you and your wife walk the road to recovery, it's important to maintain intimacy, even if it's (for now) void of any sexual activity. You may be rolling your eyes with the thought of "just cuddling." After all, what's the point of cuddling if it doesn't lead to anything? But for her, just being close to you and being held by you is comforting and healing. She may also have some physical healing to do following the birth process. Remember not to take her lack of interest in sex personally. This isn't a rejection of you - it's mainly about hormones, brain chemicals, and life changes. If you're the one returning from work at the end of the day, make sure you greet your wife first, before you greet any other member of the family (including the furry, four-legged ones). The relationship with her is the most important one and without it, no other little person would be there (see Chapter 15 for other sex and intimacy issues). Refer to the first bullet for ideas of what to say to your wife that will truly help her.

There are also some clear no-no's to avoid. Here are a few: DO NOT say:

"Think about everything you have to feel happy about." She already knows everything she has to feel happy about. One of the reasons she feels so guilty is that she's depressed despite these things.

"Just relax." This suggestion usually produces the opposite effect! She's already frustrated at not being able to relax in spite of all the coping mechanisms that have worked in the past. Anxiety produces hormones that can cause physical reactions such as increased heart rate, shakiness, and muscle tension. This is not something she can just will away.

"Snap out of it." If she could, she would have already. She wouldn't wish this on anyone. She can't snap out of PPD any easier than she can snap out of the flu. Be patient, non-judgmental, and upbeat. With the right kind of professional help along with your consistent and loving support, your wife will recover and your marriage will likely be stronger than ever.

[smol-grey-tea]

Here's that Mental Wellbeing Competition thing I submitted if anyone's interested. I did wanna make my own MaDD information guide anyways and now that I think about it I might do something like this for other mental illnesses too.

Oh I also may have stolen some things people said for this but I put my own thoughts on it so it isn't just copy pasted oof sorry-

My Mental Illness

What has always bothered me about news, social media, and most people I meet is that they generally preach for mental health awareness and acceptance all the time, but I rarely hear people say much specific. They may reference anxiety and depression or may give suggestions on improving mental health, such as eating healthily or contacting friend, but the conversation typically ends there. In my opinion, the key to improving mental health awareness and acceptance is through sharing stories of those who have suffered through mental illnesses themselves, and starting conversations about specifically the more obscure and unknown mental health issues to encourage people to feel less alone about their own struggles as well.

I have chosen to give my story in hopes that it will help other people in my school too. The following details the mental illness I have, which is presently unknown to most of the world. Please read with an open mind.

Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder

Everyone daydreams: sometimes a lot, sometimes a little, but it's generally seen as only a minor nuisance of every day life. However, what you may not have heard of is a coping mechanism mental illness called maladaptive daydreaming disorder (often referred to as MaDD), in which people may daydream excessively, to the point where it severely negatively impacts their daily life, taking up approximately 56% of the day. My daydreams are often elaborate stories with well developed characters, but some MaDDers may daydream about their normal life. 82% of MaDDers also report that daydreaming is usually accompanied by a repetitive movement, such as tapping, rocking, or pacing (like me), especially whilst listening to music.

Just like any other mental illness, MaDD can be caused by trauma, abuse or neglect, but it can also, in my case, be caused simply by boredom or loneliness.

Current Research

Unfortunately, as of the time I'm writing this in early May 2020, maladaptive daydreaming disorder is not recognised as an official mental illness by professionals because it is so newly discovered so it is currently still being researched. Eli Somer - the man who coined the name maladaptive daydreaming - co-authored several papers on it with Cynthia Schupak and Jayne Bigelsen. Bigelsen was also the subject of an early case study which saw her cured of MaDD with SSRIs, and more recently she has built a website to support people dealing with unknown conditions like MaDD: https://jaynerachael.com/groups/?maladaptive-daydreaming-disorder/

As it isn't an official mental illness, there is no official treatment, however personally, I find that using a diary app such as Daylio helps me remember to do important tasks as I feel proud when I keep a streak of not pacing for a long time or even just something simple like brushing my teeth. Other MaDDers recommend keeping the mind occupied with 2 tasks at a time or dedicating certain times a day to daydreaming.

Key Terminology

Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder/Maladaptive Daydreamer/MaDD/MaDDer/MDD/MD: MDD actually stands for major depressive disorder, and because MD can still be confused with major depression, MaDD is the acronym to use for maladaptive daydreaming disorder.

Immersive Daydreaming/Immersive Daydreamer/ID/IDer: An immersive daydreamer is someone who also has vivid and elaborate daydreams but they are not maladaptive and don't negatively impact their life.

Para: The people in our daydreams feel much more special and personal than simple characters in a story, so we coined the word para, which comes from the Greek word, meaning beside or next to.

Parame: A parame is essentially the 'me' that exists in the daydreams - for example, my parame's name is North.

Parain: A very recently coined term by a friend of mine - I don't have any parains myself but to some MaDDers, the term para is seen as a very positive word and so they don't feel comfortable referring to evil or 'villain' characters as paras so parain was coined.

Veritbond/Verit: Coined from the Latin word for true, veritbond/verit refers to a para that is a lot more special than the rest of them. To use a personal example, my verit, Red is the only para who I love and wish was real and I feel genuinely depressed when I don't daydream about him - this is completely different to the rest of my paras, and while I do care about them I don't really love or miss any of them.

Paracosm: This term refers to a daydreaming world or story. Some MaDDers have many different paracosms, some only have one, while I personally only have 2: the 1st (that I've name Shelter) is roughly 6 years old and the 2nd (Lost Children) is about 2-3 years.

Neuronarrative: The paracosm of a neuronarrator.

Thisverse: This word refers to reality, in comparison to paracosm or neuronarrative.

Paramay/Separatember: An online event in May and September in which MaDDers share their paras and talk about them, using a theme for each day of the month.

Daydream Crash: This refers to when a MaDDer feels sad or disappointed that their daydreams and paras aren't real.

Daydream Block: Similar to an art block or writing block, this refers to when a MaDDer finds it difficult to daydream. When I'm in a daydream block my mind often feels blank or blurry and it makes me feel depressed.

Daydream Trigger: This refers to something that triggers a person to daydream. The most common daydream triggers are music, TV, books, movies, etc.

Myths and Misconceptions

1. "But everyone daydreams!"

Yes, everyone does daydream, but maladaptive daydreaming involves daydreaming to an unhealthy extent. In my experiences, daydreaming often prevents me from eating, sleeping, staying hygienic, doing homework/revision, talking to my friends/family, doing hobbies, etc. It's maladaptive, that's why it's a mental illness.

2. "Why don't you just stop?"

Maladaptive daydreaming is a behavioural addiction and stopping MaDD would give me the same struggles that an alcoholic would have when trying to stop drinking alcohol. Daydreaming is constantly happening because I always have thoughts in my brain; I'm like an alcoholic with an endless supply of alcohol.

3. "That sounds so fun! I wish I had your creativity!"

MaDD can be fun in theory of course and the idea of daydreaming about such amazing things all the time sounds great but it isn't like that at all.

Firstly, I suppose I do have control over when or how I daydream but I have a very limited control over what I daydream about. I remember one point in the past where I was happily daydreaming about Shelter, my 1st paracosm, but I then soon started to daydream about Lost Children, and since I could only daydream about my verit in Shelter, this made me feel depressed.

Secondly, I also often have quite disturbing/dark daydreams. I call it an emotionally devastating/EmDe daydream because, when I daydream a para's pain, I can almost physically feel it, and it makes my heart hurt. EmDe daydreams have to be what I hate the most about MaDD because I would never want to see such horrible things happen to the people I love, and it makes me feel guilty for imagining such sick and disgusting things for my own brain's entertainment. I feel better though, knowing that I share these struggles with most, if not all, other MaDDers.

In addition to that, the obsession and connection with my parame has led to my own fear of needles and surgery, all because of her own trauma. My brain has created a fake person, with fake trauma, and given me real fear.

No, maladaptive daydreaming is not 'fun'.

4. "Isn't that just schizophrenia?"

No, all MaDDers can easily understand the difference between reality and fiction, and while our daydreams can be quite vivid at times, we know they aren't real. None of us have any sort of hallucinations, delusions or paranoia, unless we also have schizophrenia alongside MaDD - which isn't unheard of, since MaDD usually accompanies other mental illnesses, and people like me, who only have MaDD, aren't too common.

[cockroachmotherfucker10]

May I ask advice on something? Around 8 months ago I lost my period from my ED, and gained it back(and most weight I lost) from 5 months of binge eating. I'd like to lose weight again in a more healthy way(though its really hard, I'm trying to eat 400-500 cal a day ATLEAST rn, hope to increase in future). The issue is that my period is super triggering for me, and makes me want to eat less so I can lose it again. Do you have any tips for ways to deal with this?

I'm going to be 100% honest with you, Anon. I do not think you are in a place where you are psychologically able to lose weight healthily, and it's very likely that you may never be able to actively pursue weight loss without triggering your eating disorder. Eating 500 calories a day is better than nothing, but it's still starvation. It is not sustainable, and if continued, it will eventually kill you. It is nowhere near the realm of healthy weight loss.

The truth is, even if you happen to be considered "overweight" according to an arbitrarily defined scale based on a formula created by a Belgian astronomer almost two centuries ago...even if that's the case, your restrictive eating disorder is going to destroy your health much more quickly and much more severely than carrying a bit of chub ever would (because it's just as possible to be "overweight" and still healthy as it is to be a healthy weight and unhealthy). And if you're a healthy weight, there's absolutely no reason to lose weight aside from the reasons that bitch Ana/Mia is pulling out of her ass.

Honestly, unless your weight is an immediate clinical risk as determined by a medical professional, I don't think anyone's primary goal should be weight loss.

Rather, the goal should be moderate exercise, plus intuitive eating (i.e. eating based on your body's cues), plus a healthy balanced diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables, each part of the food pyramid, each type of macronutrient, and some treats for happiness purposes! The goal should be health--not trying to control your body, which already has a set-point weight it wants to stay at.

Furthermore, I guarantee that restricting your diet will worsen your binge-eating. You can successfully restrict for days, weeks, months at a time, but eventually it leads to a psychological phenomenon called restraint release, which causes disinhibition while eating--i.e. binge-eating. That's why bingeing is actually a symptom of restrictive eating disorders. Also, if you fall below your weight set point, your body will rebel by increasing production of ghrelin, the hunger hormone. This makes you feel really hungry all the time, which can also cause bingeing. The only way to fully solve binge-eating is to heal your body image and stop depriving yourself.

As for your period being triggering, I know it sucks, and I'm so sorry. Remember that your ED wants you to consider your period a sign of failure, but it's the opposite. It's a sign of health, and health is strength. Your period symbolizes how strong and courageous and tenacious you are. I mean, c'mon, you survive pain and bleeding for about a week out of every month--how metal is that?!

It might help to try and think about your period in a different context. For example:

If you identify as female: it's a sign of feminine strength in the face of the patriarchy. Sexist beauty standards want you to starve and shrink, but you are not afraid to eat and be healthy and take up the space you deserve. You are defeating sexism one period at a time.

If you're trans or genderqueer: you are spiting society's ideals of gender. Every time you get your period, you are living proof that not everyone with a period is a woman. Take that, gender binary!

The average menstrual cycle is almost the same length as the lunar cycle; the moon and her beauty is reflected in your own body. When you get your period, remember that you are connected to the wonders of our beautiful, mysterious universe.

Use humour to cope! Sometimes I turn my period into a comedy bit in my head: "It looks like World War III just happened in my pants. What kind of magic Kotex do those girls in period commercials have? If I wore white shorts on my period, I'd be repping Japan on my crotch."

Stuff like that. Also make sure that you are extra-vigilant about self-care around the time of your period: get 8 hours of sleep a night, drink plenty of water, eat foods you like and feel safe with, take nice warm showers, use pain meds (responsibly) if you need to, don't be afraid to take a sick day, treat yourself to a spa/movie night, etc.

But of course, the best advice will always come from mental health professionals trained in dealing with eating disorders. If you are not working with a doctor and therapist right now, I strongly encourage you to start. Seeking professional help is the best course of action for ED recovery, but at the very least, make sure you have a strong support system in the people around you.

You can do this, Anon!! You're strong and beautiful and I believe in you. Good luck! I love you! 💕

-Mod Lia

[artificialqueens]

We're still in this together (And I'm still not giving up) (branjie) - writworm42

A/N: For Athena <3 <3 <3 Brooke is diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s, and Vanessa tries to keep her grounded as both their worlds turn upside-down.

PLEASE take care of yourselves reading this. This fic involves being diagnosed with a major degenerative neurological disorder and the emotional fall-out that results in the 24 hours post-diagnosis. If you are upset by that sort of thing, don’t read it, don’t feel like you have to keep reading it if you started, feel free not to leave kudos or comments. I am somewhat familiar w Parkinson’s through work, but I don’t have it and can’t speak to the experience of actually having it. I have experienced the feeling of having a diagnosis completely change your sense of self, and channeled that in writing this. However, the process people go through is different, and the feelings people go through are totally different in that situation. I’m sure it has been for many of you reading this. And I hope I did y'all justice, too.

Thank you 3000 to Holtz for beta-ing even though this fic was a tough read for you. Title from Still Not Giving Up from Steven Universe.

“I hate this.” Brooke sniffles, wiping the tears from her face, and Vanessa feels her heart break. She wishes she could take the pain away from Brooke, wishes she could take it on for herself, please, God, give it to me instead, hurt me instead. But her prayers go unanswered, and Brooke takes another sip of her coffee while Vanessa watches and crumples inside further.

Thirty minutes ago, Brooke and Vanessa had been sitting in Brooke’s neurologist’s office, waiting for news of what was happening to her. Why all of a sudden she can’t walk normally, her movements shaky, her voice quiet. Why she doesn’t have the same stamina as she used to, and why something felt totally, completely wrong.

Early-onset Parkinson’s. The neurologist’s voice had been soft and gentle, soaked in pity, like she was handing down a death sentence. And to a professional dancer like Brooke, she might as well have been—Vanessa knows that, knew it even before Brooke had opened her mouth to protest, to insist that there must have been some mistake.

But there hadn’t been, and Brooke’s diagnosis still stands, sits at the table of the hospital Second Cup with them.

On March 10th, 2020, on the morning of her 34th birthday, Brooke has been diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s Disease. And no amount of coffee or blueberry scones, placation or reassurances, can take those four words away.

But if they help at all, even just a little, then they’re all worth offering.

“Should we cancel tonight?” Vanessa suggests softly, and apparently, it’s the wrong thing to say—Brooke bursts into tears again, sobs breathy and ragged.

“I don’t know.” she shakes her head, “Like… I don’t know. I don’t want to just throw my life on the wayside because of this, it’s not like I’m dying, but like…”

“It’s okay to need time, boo.” Vanessa reaches across the table, grabs and squeezes Brooke’s hand one, two, three times and sighing inwardly with relief when Brooke smiles. It was Brooke who had came up with their secret signal - one squeeze for every word that they wanted to say. I love you. It had stuck immediately, and even now it never fails to make Brooke relax. Vanessa loves it, too–even when Brooke is saying it out loud, there was something about having her hand squeezed in rhythm to the words that made them more tangible, more comforting, even more wonderful to hear and feel. Makes them settle into her chest as her hand buzzes with the euphoria of her wife’s lingering touch. And if there’s anything Brooke needs right now, it’s that feeling, that reminder that Vanessa is there for her.

“Yeah.” Brooke sighs, squeezing Vanessa back, their secret code understood like a promise between them.

“We’ll order Korean barbeque and rent some cheesy movies, it’ll be great.” Vanessa offers, and even though Brooke’s nod is fairly hollow, at least it’s a nod.

–

Brooke knows it’s impossible for Vanessa to make her feel better right now, but it means a lot that she’s trying anyway. The kitchen is littered with styrofoam takeout containers, wood chopsticks and the cold, half-eaten remains of spareribs scattered on the table. In the living room, some rom-com with a mole-rat looking leading man and a smoking-hot yet baby-faced protagonist plays, long forgotten amidst a trail of clothes that lead to the bedroom.

It’s weird, being naked right now. Being exposed, moving in a body that’s exactly the same as it had been yesterday and yet now feels so, so different.

“You have beautiful hands, baby.” Vanessa interlaces her fingers with Brooke’s, and Brooke realizes she’s been staring at her hands, trying to decide if they’re real. If the way they move is any different. If they’re different. But they still grab Vanessa back, still squeeze one, two, three times and feel it warm and firm when Vanessa squeezes one, two, three times back.

Vanessa lets go, pulls her closer, kisses her on her collarbone when Brooke winces a little. She’s not in pain—not really. Her old body isn’t. But her new body—her same body, now seeming so different—is uncertain of what it wants, how it should react.

“You ain’t got any bruises.” Vanessa chuckles, traces the along the dips of Brooke’s chest she was biting and sucking minutes ago, and Brooke relaxes, because it’s like Vanessa’s read her mind. Like she’d known Brooke had been trying to decide if she should be careful, if her body was fragile or not. “That’s my tough-skinned baby girl.”

“For how long, though?” Brooke frets, but Vanessa presses a finger to her lips, only to replace the digit with her own mouth, kissing their code on her one, two, three times.

I love you.

“Considering the brochures ain’t mention nothin’ about easy bruising, longer than you think, I’m sure.” Vanessa burrows her face into Brooke’s neck, sighs deeply the way she always does, and it’s nice. Makes Brooke feel in control, almost normal, even.

“Things are gonna change, Ness.” she sighs, and Vanessa squeezes tighter, breathes in deeper, slower, encouraging Brooke’s mind and heart to slow down as she matches Vanessa’s pace.

“I know.” Vanessa whispers, and once again, it’s the right thing to say—because it’s the truth, the same way Vanessa always tells it.

“I’m not gonna be the same.”

“Yes you will.” Vanessa’s voice is resolute, her touch becoming firmer.

“Ness—“

“You know why I married you?” Vanessa looks Brooke in the eyes, and her gaze is soft, affectionate, yet insistent, as if her mind’s made up and there’s no changing it.

“Why?” Brooke breathes, the answer obvious and yet now insecure.

“Because you, miss Brooke Lynn Mateo-Hytes, are amazing. You’re smart, and clever, and brave. You ain’t never give up or back down from a challenge. You got grit, and you can be stubborn, but you also loyal and caring. Always thinking of others. Of me. Never thinking bad of me even when I act stupid as hell.

“I love you, Brooke. And yeah, some things are gonna change. But other things ain’t. And it’s those things that I love most about you.”

It takes Vanessa’s thumb swiping across her cheek for Brooke to realize she’s crying, but this time, she doesn’t hate it. Doesn’t think it’s a bad thing, doesn’t want to stop. Because Vanessa is holding her, squeezing her, kissing her, loving her, and even though things aren’t okay, in a way, they are.

Some things never change, and when Brooke finally stops crying, kisses Vanessa on the top of her head as if to thank her, she realizes that she’s holding her most important constant right in her arms.

And as long as she is breathing, neither of them would ever let go.

[thebeautyoffanfics]

Hm can I get some headcanons for Mitsuba, Kou, and Nene with a best friend who has tourettes (specifically coprolalia) hehehehe :)

(platonic) mitsuba sousuke and gn!reader, (platonic) kou minamoto and gn!reader, (platonic) yashiro nene and gn!reader

a/n: of course!! I don’t personally have tourettes, but I had a period not long ago where I went on a “learning about Tourettes” spree, so! I hope my knowledge is at least somewhat accurate :D If not, I do apologize- I sincerely hope I don’t misrepresent anything! Either way, thank you so much for requesting!! <3

warnings: none <3

word count: 1,608

Mitsuba Sousuke <3

To be completely honest, he was slightly thrown off when he met you. He never met someone with Tourettes, and wasn’t insanely familiar with it- especially coprolalia.

After you explained what it was, he’d nod, unsure what to say. “That’s… something I’ve never heard of.” He told you honestly, resting his head on his hand. Yet, he didn’t think any less of you than he thought of anyone else.

Once the two of you got closer, he thought it was cool to learn more about Tourettes. After a while, he likes to think that he has a pretty decent grasp on it, and feels rather proud of himself.

When the two of you become closer, he occasionally will openly laugh at some of your tics. He doesn’t mean anything rude by it, and will tell you he wasn’t laughing at you. If you brush it off, telling him that it was okay, he’d be a bit more comfortable when you said something particularly funny.

At some point, if he hears you tell someone to fuck off, he’ll snort every time. He’ll look over at you, a hand by his mouth as he says, “You tell them, (Y/N).” Tell him to fuck off, and he pretends to be offended- of course, he isn’t actually hurt, he’s just obliged to act that way. All in his personality, y’know-

On a bad tic day, Mitsuba definitely doesn’t laugh. He genuinely feels bad for you, because, even if you say some admittedly funny things, he knows it isn’t easy. No matter how you tell him it’s fine, and that it’s basically a part of you by now, he knows that doesn’t make it any more ideal.

While he isn’t exactly sure what to do during those days, especially should you have a tic attack, he stays with you throughout it. If anything had upset you, he does his best to comfort you- overall, he sits there with you, not judging you, and making sure that you don’t end up hurting yourself.

Mitsuba is surprisingly patient with you- if you’re struggling to get a sentence out, he sits there, head on his hand, his usual less-than-impressed expression. Despite that, he doesn’t mean any harm, and you’re aware of it.

Genuinely snorts sometimes- especially if you’ve developed a new tic, and he doesn’t quite expect it. Honestly, as I’ve said, he doesn’t mean any harm- and he’ll control himself if he hurts your feelings. It simply catches him off guard sometimes.

BUT, if someone (an ignorant someone, as we are all painfully aware that people can be extremely dense, to say the least) makes a negative or insensitive comment, he’s ready to go off on them, should they be aware that you have Tourettes, and be aware of what it is. So, he will go off- scolding them, calling them rude words, explaining that you can’t help it.

If it’s one of those “stop cussing” comments, especially coming from someone who you’ve already established with that you have Tourettes, he’s the one saying fuck off, right to their face. He’s not going to put up with people like that, and he sincerely hopes you won’t either.

Though he knows that you have Tourettes, he won’t treat you differently because of it. He’ll brush off your obscene outburst, usually with a snicker, continuing the conversation at your own pace. He didn’t befriend you because of it- and he wouldn’t stop being your friend because of it. Overall, Tourettes or not, you’re his friend (Y/N). And that's how he's bound to treat you.

Kou Minamoto <3

I’m sorry, he’s honestly really clueless-

He tries, he tries his absolute best. He supports you, and he listens to you explain what it is, but he’s just a bit thrown off by your tics. He won’t be rude, of course! He just does his best to understand, and doesn’t judge you in the least. He may be clueless, but he’s still a sweetheart <3

When he hears you suddenly blurting curse words out, he sort of assumes it's a normal part of Tourettes. Once you explain that it’s not as common as portrayed- actually, that only about 10% of those with Tourettes have Coprolalia- he’ll raise his eyebrows, his eyes filled with interest.

“Ah, you’re special then! Wait-”

While Mitsuba laughed in the last set of headcanons, it was your turn to laugh- Kou… he tries his best. He never means any harm, and would never do anything he thought would cause harm. That involved some… interesting words of encouragement. Sometimes unnecessary, oftentimes much appreciated.

If you need help on a particularly bad tic day, he’s there for you immediately! Struggling to type? Hand over your phone! Struggling to write? Don’t worry, you can take his notes! He’s your #1 supporter, as he would be for any of his friends- he’d feel rude if he didn’t try to help you when you were struggling.

Feel free to refuse his help, of course! His feelings won’t get hurt, and he’ll just be happy that he offered to help!

Change your mind, and he’ll immediately help you, no worries about refusing it previously- he’s got ya, he’s got ya.

Like Mitsuba, he’s also very patient. Sitting there, his eyes holding the same interest in your words as they would if you were continuing on flawlessly. He’s rather good at ignoring your tics, focusing solely on your intended words.

If someone makes a rude comment, he’ll get defensive- but, he’ll calmly, though a bit cooler than his usual tone, explain to them that you have Tourettes. If they continue to be rude after having him explain that, he’ll be less kind. Kou doesn’t put up with rude people, especially towards his best friend. He’s gonna defend you all day long, if that’s what it takes.

Don’t bother with an “I can defend myself, Kou-” because he’s well aware. He’ll say that he knows you can, but he’s going to defend you no matter what. You’re his friend, and it’s his job to protect you- or in his eyes, it is.

He treats you just the same when you’re having a tic attack. He isn’t exactly sure what to do, so he figures doing the same will work. He may ask if you’re alright, but he typically leaves it at that. Actually- he isn’t entirely sure what a tic attack is until you explain it. Once you explain it, he’ll ask you what he should do when it happens, and he will follow your instructions exactly- whatever they may be.

Overall, he’s Kou Minamoto! (Y/N)’s best friend and #1 supporter and #1 defense!!

Yashiro Nene <3

She had a slight grasp on Tourettes before meeting you, and definitely takes your words, along with some research she does at home, to understand what it is completely! She even looks into Coprolalia once you tell her you have it.

Like the other two, she’ll do her best to treat you normally. She’s well aware that you’re just as human as anyone else in the class, therefore you don’t deserve to be looked at as anything other than. Who cares if you’ve got any sort of disorder? You’re a person, not a circus act, and that’s final.

If you want others to ask questions, or are comfortable with jokes being made about it, that’s 100% your business. Yashiro isn’t going to get defensive if she knows it’s alright with you. In fact, if someone makes an offhand comment, she gives you a certain look, basically asking “is that alright?”

Depending on your response, her reaction is different. If you don’t mind, she ignores them. If you do mind, she’ll glare at them. Yashiro isn’t the best at harsh words, but she still stands up for you, giving them a piece of her mind.

Yashiro is probably the most casual about it? She’s not quite as protective as Kou, but she isn’t quite as casual as Mitsuba. She’s just… an average, loving friend. Defending you when you need it, and holding the patience and care that you’d expect from, you know, a friend.

She’s a professional at brushing off Hanako’s teasing by this point, so brushing off your outbursts is no effort! Just as she pretends Hanako isn’t there, she’ll pretend your tics aren’t there. She’s patient with you, as the other two are, letting you take your time. She won’t get offended if you interrupt her with a tic, instead letting it happen, then continuing like nothing happened.

Yashiro definitely makes sure to establish that there is no need for you to apologize!! She’ll touch your arm, looking you in the eyes and telling you that you can’t help it, therefore it’s not something you should apologize for! You didn’t mean any harm, and she’s aware that suppressing the tics is either hard, not good for you, or nearly impossible. Especially around her, she doesn’t want you to feel obliged to suppress your tics.

“You’re my friend, (Y/N)! Don’t worry about it, really. It’s not your fault, so don’t apologize.”

Should you have a tic attack, she’ll try to comfort you, making sure that nothing caused it to happen. If something spurred it on, she’ll get you away from whatever it is, while also getting you away from anything you could hit yourself on, should you have tics that involve moving your body. Once it’s over, she’ll make sure you’re alright, doing her best to continue to comfort you. Overall, Yashiro really is a sweetheart. She’s your friend, and glad to be just that- and, as your friend, she’s going to stick up for you, and treat you like any other person should. We love her <33

[gaiatheorist]

A little knowledge...

I keep starting this, and then deleting it, that’s either an indication that I’m trying to process as fully as i can, or that I’m being avoidant, and slipping into another depressive episode, I’ll keep an eye on it.

I have an untidy heap of paperwork at the side of my desk, it’s not ‘on’ the desk yet, because I’m not quite ready to fill it in. There’s no deadline on it, so it’s ‘floating’, rather than ‘fixed’, and the formatting of it is doing my head in. It’s the end-of-course review and coping plan for the Trauma Stabilisation Group I finished last week. I told my son a few days ago that the ‘mentals’ write their own coping plans, and he was incredulous, I’m relatively good at planning, and taking all factors into consideration, but the new medication, and the appeal against the denial of my disability benefit, and, well, 2020 are taking a toll on me, I’m slipping.

‘Introduction to Trauma Stabilisation Class’, three 90-minute sessions, delivered via Microsoft ‘Teams’, on account of the Covid-19 pandemic, we’re too unwell to be left to our own devices, so the online group was the least-bad option. It’s free, I know a fair few people who have had to pay for their own therapy, because they can’t access NHS treatment, and I know I’m part of a very small, but fortunate number, to still be on NHS lists. Groups of people with mental health issues are always a bit of a gamble, there’s the waiting-room-contagion factor, where some people will exchange symptoms and ‘unhelpful coping mechanisms’, and the weird mix of characters that are inevitable. This was either my third or fourth ‘Introduction to...’ group, and the online format was differently stressful to the in-the-flesh ones. I know ‘most’ of my group-dynamic bad habits, and there’s always a little bit of my cognitive functioning occupied with telling myself *don’t* do this, or that. In a nutshell, I’m a watchful show-off, the ‘feeling small and vulnerable’ part of my C-PTSD would, historically, lead me to muck about, or attempt to dominate groups, throw in my autistic ‘organising’, my professional desire to help, and the fatigue and over-stimulus from the brain injuries, and I *could* be a nightmare in groups. 

I was honest with the triage staff right from the beginning, it’ll be in my notes that I acknowledge my tendencies to ‘take charge’, as a means of coping with so much in my life that’s been beyond my control, it’s not all deliberate, and it’s sometimes really useful. I’m a sheep-dog, which is productive when I’m rounding up stragglers, and pointing them in the right direction, less-so when I’m distracted by a squirrel outside the window. 

Being what I am, and knowing what I know from my previous career is a double-edged sword. I know the fancy words for the theories and processes, so can be mildly irritated when the language has to be dumbed-down to the lowest common denominator. It does have to be, though, on the previous course, we had a couple of participants who couldn’t read the text on the worksheets (formatting issue, too much text crammed onto each page, to save on photocopying costs, they strained my eyes a bit) I can’t do my (TM) Autistic thing of assuming that, if I ‘know’ a thing, everyone else in the room does too. I can do my helpful thing of re-explaining something the facilitator has said if the group don’t seem to ‘get’ it, or clarifying something a participant has said if the facilitators misconstrue it. (One of the staff on the previous course was an absolute horror for that, she wasn’t listening actively, just barrelling on with what she thought had been said, people stop volunteering information when that happens.) I’m not there to ‘help’, or to ‘lead’, though. One of the participants in this last group threw a bit of a tantrum, she’d dominated most of the speaking in the previous session, and flipped when I was given air-time to explain something. That was hard to deal with, because I automatically switched to Mentor-mode, and very nearly lost track of the content trying to think of a way to alert one of the facilitators to check in on her, and try to bring her down from her agitated state before she hurt herself. 

I’m dabbling with the slightly paranoid theory that some participants, or even facilitators might think I’m a Mystery Shopper sort of thing. My ‘old’ practices and processes made a lot of people ask “How do you DO that?”, the ‘Matilda’-thing, I just do, I’m exceptional at a lot of very difficult things sometimes, but I can’t use oven-gloves, and, especially recently, I’ve been forgetting a lot of words. Other participants might think I’m a smart-arse, I am, it doesn’t matter, I imagine I frustrate the facilitators because I can give theoretically correct answers, but can’t consistently apply the theories in my own life. I’m not there to make friends, we all have to sign contracts of expectations saying we won’t form relationships, I understand that, an elective empathy with other high-end mental health cases is never going to be a good thing. My curious combination of conditions makes me a bit of a distance-er anyway, I stick as firmly as I can to the procedural pathways, it’s a process-with-purpose, not a popularity contest.

I’m struggling with the ‘be kind to yourself’ angle again. It’s not in my nature, I don’t know how. That bumps heads with the ‘normalising nice things’, even at this level of mental health intervention, we’re encouraged to ‘savour the taste of your favourite food’- food is just fuel, I don’t have a favourite, and, when people start banging on about chocolate, or cake, or whatever, I don’t get it. Visit a favourite place, phone/meet up with a friend, listen to uplifting music, go for a walk, buy yourself flowers, have a haircut, all of the ‘normal’ nice-things leave me cold, I don’t really have hobbies or interests, very few things spark my oxytocin or dopamine responses, I’m not a joyful type, that’s my baseline-normal, not a press-the-panic-button indicator that I’m depressed. 

“You’re just not trying!” Luckily, nobody ‘medical’ has trotted that one out, but it’s been the backing track to my life pretty much forever. I am trying, I’m trying very hard, especially since the brain injuries. There’s been a slow realisation that I have to pick my battles wisely, though. I’ve long maintained that anyone who’s ‘always’ happy must have a flap in their back where the batteries go, I’m not advocating living in a constant state of ‘Eeyore’ gloom, but constant joy must be bloody exhausting. I’m not always moody or maudlin, I’m just sort of ‘flat’, not particularly animated or enthusiastic about much, but I can engage for short periods when I need to. “Smile, love, it might never happen!” can get right in the bin, and, as the internet pointed out the other day, telling someone to ‘just think positive’ as a cure-all is ridiculous. Well-meaning, but oblivious people will chip in with their intrusive-insensitive opinions of how a bit of yoga, or more vegetables are all we need to be all-better, and it’s a challenge to not point out that some of us are a bit beyond ‘just snapping out of it’. 

That’s not defeatist. I’m autistic, my brain runs on a non-standard Operating System, the updates don’t always load, and I have to make a hell of a lot of work-around adaptations. Sometimes life’s like walking everywhere with my shoes on the wrong feet, and sometimes it’s like my appliances have come with the wrong plug, and I have to stick a spoon-handle in the Earth socket to make them work. On top of the autism, I had a succession of adverse experiences through the course of my life, which have left me with C-PTSD. I have a telephone-directory of medical conditions, and the icing on the cake was the brain haemorrhage  five years ago, I have brain injuries, bits of metal plugging up aneurysms, and one area of ‘risky’ defects on my brain-stem. Those are facts, I have a file of medical paperwork about two inches thick, but the UK disability benefit departments have decided to latch onto the fact that I’m not on any medication for mental health issues. (I’ve tried lots, none of them worked long-term, and now we know we’re dealing with a neurodevelopmental disorder, and physical brain damage, I don’t think a bit of Prozac is going to help.)

Knowing that my brain is physically and chemically different to ‘most’ people’s is not a get-out-of-jail-free-card. These are reasons, not excuses, and I’m doing what I can to work within and around my limitations. I’m not unique, or a special unicorn, I’m disabled, and damaged, and trying to work with the fragmented NHS. One of the issues with the trauma course was the assumptions. I absolutely don’t blame the facilitators, they’re working with pre-prepared material, and a ‘difficult’ cohort. I did gently correct the course-leader, when she started listing ‘normal’ coping mechanisms, the walk-in-the-park, cup-of-tea-with-friends type ones. Some of those ‘simple’ activities are incredibly difficult for some of us, that’s why we’re at this level of intervention, if we could have ‘just’ joined a knitting circle, or taken up photography, we’d already have done it. I explained the need for pacing, the other two participants had limited impulse control, so giving the ‘shopping list’ of strategies was a bit risky, I know I have a tendency to over-reach, so need to be careful with myself. None of us had mentioned nightmares or flashbacks, but they’re on the standard list of indicators for PTSD. There was an assumption that we all had them, in the same way as one of the other triage practitioners, ages ago, told me “It’s not PTSD, because you don’t have nightmares.” I have auditory and olfactory flashbacks and hallucinations. 

The doctors that didn’t make further investigations for the mutated migraines before the aneurysm ruptured. The gyneacologist that told my HUSBAND “There’s nothing physically wrong with her.”, the Occupational Health doctor who told me “It’s not vertigo, because that’s spinning.” and “It wasn’t a stroke, because you don’t have one-sided weakness.” I know they have to have lists of diagnostic criteria to start from, but Little-Miss-Autistic here spent far too long just-trying-to-cope because I didn’t fit neatly into their matrices. (Don’t get me started on DWP/PIP ignoring reams of evidence, and just picking out that I turned up to the assessment with my trousers on the right way around...) 

I know too much about some things, and not enough about others. My ‘flat’ presentation gives the impression that I’m calm when I’m not, and coping more than I am. The review for the trauma class isn’t until September, and I genuinely don’t know what the next step will be. I’m already on the waiting list for the ‘Compassion’ course, and the very long waiting list for the Specialist Neurodevelopmental Service in the city, to see if there’s anything ‘else’ I haven’t already tried to work within and around the autism. I’ve slipped through a million holes in a million nets, because I know enough to give the answers I ‘should’, the biggest irony is that when I answer “I don’t know.”, the assumption is that I’m being defensive or difficult. A little knowledge is indeed a dangerous thing.   

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

Hello! I don’t know who else to turn to... But I’ve been thinking about something that someone said... They were worried that I could have or will end up with an eating disorder... For 2+ years now, I’ve had the habit of eating one meal a day. I would do this because I was either too lazy to prepare lunch or felt embarrassed about eating in front of coworkers... So I would eat once my day was done and I was home. I joke about it but after hearing someone worry. I can’t stop thinking about it 1/2

2/2 This habit of mine doesn’t happen all the time. I would only do it during the weekdays, when I would work. I feel like my body has adjusted to not eating a lot during the weekdays. I never worried about this but I know I would worry my loved ones constantly. But I feel fine? I’m just confused about this whole mess.

first of all just let me say that i feel like i’m not truly qualified to answer this question, as i have no formal education on medicine or eating disorders.

but just from my personal opinion, it doesn’t sound to me as if you have the mental illness part of an eating disorder, such as body dysmorphic disorder or deliberately starving yourself, but i don’t think that eating just one meal a day is a very healthy habit. 

the way you talk doesn’t ring the same bells as other people i’ve heard from who have eating disorders, so i’m mostly just concerned that you aren’t getting adequate nutrition or caloric intake. it would be difficult to get all your vitamins and minerals and ~2000 calories in a single meal, so it’s quite possible you’re malnourished and you may be fatigued or just feeling like shit from not getting what you need.

i understand not wanting to eat in front of others and not having the will to make a meal, but honestly just a granola bar or a banana would be better than having no breakfast or lunch at all. even “junk” food like a candy bar or a burrito would help you have more energy.

however, since i have no professional training, i think talking to a doctor would be the smartest thing to do, if you have access to a doctor. i know it’s hard to talk about with strangers, but they could probably also refer you to a nutritionist who could help you work out a better meal plan that works for you.

all of this is to say that just from what you’ve written here, i’m more concerned about your physical health than your mental health. if the mere concept of eating more causes you emotional distress and makes you panic about the idea of gaining weight, that would be a telltale sign of an eating disorder. but if you don’t feel that way, you’re just ‘eh’ about it, i would encourage you to make an attempt at getting in more food earlier in the day (or even just drinks, like nutrition shakes or smoothies) and just see if maybe you feel a little better or more energetic.

take care, hon. remember that your nutrition is important.