#{ idk what shes up to but it can't be good }

[welcometogrouchland]

ANOTHER SKETCH DUMP! Featuring more of me playing with lineless art. Batman reborn era trio (dick, damian and steph) I miss you...when will you return from war. Also featuring Steph designs bc I've seen ppl dissatisfied w/ her current look, some good mom Talia, and Jason Todd poetry club. Duke is confused not that Jason would start a poetry club but that he'd have such mid poetry opinions. (ID in Alt)

[moongothic]

Madoka is the promise you won't turn from a child, full of hopes and dreams and the wish to save the world, into a bitter adult who just wants to hurt others and ruin people's lives

Madoka promised to be there for you to remind you of the person you wanted to be and to stop you from becoming what you sought to destroy

Madoka made that promise and became the very embodiment of it

[aroaceleovaldez]

actually in hindsight why did Rick repeatedly have Piper solve all the ghost problems on the Argo II when. Hazel was right there. A daughter of Pluto. who by all logic should be able to control ghosts even a little bit. like, we know she has at least some of those types of powers. she just never gets to actually practically use them. ever. and then when there are zombies Hazel once again. does not get to use her powers about it. what.

[deoidesign]

.

[808trunkgoingcrazy]

this fucking cat outside wont stop meowing im going to rip out all my hair

like there are cute meows and then theres this bitch fucking YOWLING

OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE FOUND FRIENDS WHY ARE THERE THREE OF THEM MEOWING NOW CAN YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP !!!!!!!!

[why-the-heck-not]

feeling very Devil Wears Prada "florals? for spring? groundbreaking" seeing the "Taylor's album has emotional range!! No other artist could ever!!!"-posts as if that's not also what every other (good) artist is doing, as if conveying bunch of emotions isn't the whole main part of the job

(emotions? in music??? groundbreaking)

[trashlie]

ILY FP 258

I can't believe we're actually passed episode 250 lmao I Love Yoo is truly the never ending story (affectionate). I appreciate how much of the story we really get to dig into at this pace and while I know a lot of people have long-since dropped it, I imagine the rest of us (those reading this post because why else are you here?) also appreciate it. And that's what is even more refreshing about this episode - if refreshing is even a word we can use to describe it. Getting the extra scenes from other characters, a look at their lives and from these glimpses, what we can glean in the unsaid between the lines.

Can you believe I used to prey on Kousuke's downfall? There's so many posts of me talking about him from a different view, believing that the only way he could grow and develop and make the changes necessary to make him a better person was for him to crash and burn, to fail so significantly that he would be forced to pen his eyes to reality. But here we are, me, fervently swaddling him up like a baby and shoving him into my pocket because GOD he needs to be protected.

I don't even remember when it was, that my view on him began to shift, when I went from "he's interesting but awful" to "GOD THIS IS MY SON AND I WILL FIGHT EVERYONE YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME" but.... lol there's no going back!

That's enough rambling, let's jump in.

There is something so painfully devastating about every time ILY confirms to us something we have long-since known or suspected through nuance, foreshadowing, reading between the lines, etc: That Kousuke isn't Rand's biological son, that Shinae was at the formal for Gun Kim, that Kousuke has been manipulated his whole life. Nothing in this episode regarding Kousuke is actually new to us. We have known, and talked about, for months and months long before the confirmation reveal that Yui drugs Kousuke - that he has been manipulated by her his entire life, that she orchestrated his life to manipulate him into situations she could take advantage of. It's the way she spoke about Rand's affair around Kousuke, the way she commodified Rand's love so Kousuke became convinced he'd never earned his father's love, the way she spoke of their family vs others and convinced him from such a young age that everyone was out to get them, to destroy them, and that he couldn't let them get close, couldn't let them near - and how Nol was very much a target planted in his mind.

But it's the fact that he is speaking of this and acknowledging it! Until now, Kousuke has heavily lived in denial. Again, we know this. We talk a lot about the chasm between reality and the reality he believes in. We talk a lot about how Kousuke couldn't face reality, even though on some level he knew everything he believed and was told was not quite true not quite real, but that he was so afraid of the truth, he couldn't do it. Kousuke admitting that he's been driven by fear and envy explains everything about him, and why he could not accept the only unwavering unconditional love he was offered.

A few weeks ago I saw a video on instagram of this father talking about a conversation he had with his daughter, who was feeling a little uncomfortable with her friend group. A new girl started to play with her and her best friend and she said she wasn't exactly jealous, but that maybe it was that she was afraid that there wasn't enough love to go around. Her dad had to explain to her that love is not like a pizza - it's not finite, a limited amount that could be taken and hogged by someone else. But Kousuke never learned this. His father's love was commodified and he was made to fear this other kid who he mistakenly believed knew a version of his father he'd never been privy to. He never learned that love is finite, that Rand could have enough love for the both of them, and feared that Nol would hog it all - that he WAS hogging it all because whether or not it was good or bad, Nol received more attention that Kousuke did. And that speaks VOLUMES about how Kousuke sees Rand, what he thinks of their relationship. In his mind, he is still unworthy, that he's not noteworthy enough.

This part gets to me so badly. We, as omniscient readers, know that Rand has tried his best, but that Yui runs a spectacular interference with which he can't compete, largely because of the roles their family have placed them in - Rand the busy businessman, Yui the mommy homemaker. But no matter how hard he tries, it isn't good enough. Rand tries to reach Kousuke, but the manipulation and paranoia are so far gone that the times Rand does have the chance to convey his feelings, Kousuke can't even believe it, because he thinks he's not good enough to deserve that love, that he hasn't fully qualified for it yet. And despite that, Nol, who Kousuke feels hasn't done half of what he has to deserve Rand's love, gets the attention. It doesn't matter that it's negative attention, that Rand barks at Nol, that Nol feels Rand hates and regrets him, because ultimately, it's still more than Kousuke receives. And worse, to him, every time Rand is busy reprimanding Nol, he turns away from Kousuke to do it.

I want to make it clear that this is a deep trauma point of Kousuke's. He's never learned healthy love and the only person who gave him healthy love was someone he was set to fear and fight. Something I think about a lot is the flashback to Kousuke, in the bushes, watching Nessa and Nol's display of warm affection, before Yui appears literally looming before him. In that moment, he witnesses something he's been deprived of. "We're not like other families"'. He's told from a young age he shouldn't compare himself to those healthy families, to warm and affectionate relationships that he will not cultivate in this household. From such a young age it is normalized, that they aren't like others, that they are cold and distant. From a young age, he's made to stuff down his feelings, his tender wants and desires, in order to earn them. To be a good little boy who makes his parents proud. To make his father look his way.

There's also something about the way he says "I've been a good boy" that echoes Shinae learning she's been manipulated by Yui, devastated and angry and yelling about how she's been a good girl so why do these things keep happening to her, all she wanted to do was help her dad. Two people who, from a young age, felt they had to be so obedient, so good, to not be a burden, and despite following the rules, despite doing as they were told, despite trying to be whatever version of "good" they believed in, the world still beat them up and mistreated them. The world still punished them.

As Rin in our discord server pointed out, though, to some degree, Kousuke is very much a person who can - and does - act out, when he's emotionally high-strung. He's a volatile man, and it's largely to do with the fact that he's been drugged to placate him for so long. He never learned emotional regulation, he never learned how to deal with high-stress situations or to face conflict or to own up to things. This is something that some readers who hate Kousuke and expect him to act a certain way because of his age are missing. You don't just learn these things with age. You learn them with experience and Kousuke was deprived of the opportunity TO have those experiences. He never had to learn these behaviors, and now as an adult he cannot function when overwhelmed.

Idk this whole episode is just heartbreaking. It's devastating. I remember when I was someone praying on Kousuke's downfall and now I want to take it all back ;___; I always believed he had to crash and burn to be able to see the world for what it really was and to face his fears, but this is somehow so much worse.

And even though he's drunk, I don't think he's going to forget all of this in the morning. Rather, I think what he's voicing are things that have been plaguing him since waking up in the hospital. From that moment, we saw him wary and distrustful of his mother, we saw his concern for Nol rising above everything else, but grappling with the understanding that he doesn't deserve to stand in front of Nol anymore. These aren't epiphanies coming to him just because he's drunk; it's more like he's only voicing them because he's drunk. But even when he sobers up, he will probably still be haunted by these fears, these agonies, these truths, this understanding.

How does he face his mother after this? How does he face anyone? He may not even feel like he can trust Jayce - who while very kind to him, is still employed by his family. He may not even feel like he can trust Hansuke (though I really hope that's not the case).

He's so miserable and it genuinely hurts to have him lay it all out for us - everything we've known and suspected, like how it was so painfully clear he WANTED Nol's friendship, their brotherhood, but feared it, didn't believe that there was enough love to go around, that there could only be one of them and that even if it was for good or bad reasons, Nol cast him in the shadow. And all these years, watching as Nol, as Yeonggi, grew into this person who sounded so very much like this unknown version of their father, someone funny who makes others laugh, someone goofy, someone so boyish in the ways Kousuke was never allowed to be. Watching as he gathers friends, while Kousuke, so unlikeable, is wanted only for his money, for his status, for the clout.

He doesn't even know WHO HE IS! Questioning his own traits he's believed of himself, wondering if this is even him, if these parts of him are real or does he just act it, say it, pretend it, while trying to fulfill a role he was shoved into. That makes me feel SO deeply sad, because it's something I've been anticipating for so long: Kousuke wondering WHO he really is, how much of him is real and how much of it is the result of manipulation.

And that moment that he catches himself and says no no that's offensive and rude you can't be like that. ;AAA;

For him to admit how much he envies others, how much he craves the kind of connection others have, the kind of family others have, to feel that love and warmth that he's been deprived of, forced to endure this solitude because, as he believes, he didn't get the good parts of Rand. And what will happen when he learns that Rand isn't his father? That he never stood a chance to inherit any of those traits. Kousuke has operated on this belief that, if he tries hard enough, he can earn the things he craves, but I fear learning about his parenthood will make him think that no matter how hard he tried, he would never earn that, because none of it was ever him, could have gone to him.

I think this is where Shinae, in the future, will come in. I feel so very strongly that she will be someone who helps Kousuke to see that this isn't true, that these kinds of personality traits aren't something inherited, but rather something learned. For him to one day realize it's the paralyzing fear that holds him back, not his genetics. Of course, I acknowledge this will still take a lot of therapy but...

Something else very remarkable to me is the way Kousuke recognizes Shinae in Shinhye, because their eyes "feel the same" and he opens up to her - on some level, whether or not he is consciously aware of it, Kousuke knows, or maybe just wants to, that he can trust Shinae. That she is someone who is safe. He even knows how she feels about his mother. I don't think we'll see a lot of Kousuke and Shinae's friendship until we're passed our timeskips, but it makes me feel a little hopeful about it, that she'll be able to reach him, because she feels like someone who is safe. It's the way he sees Nol in her and wants to try to have that do over, a relationship with someone who  has unconditional love for him. It's the way he knows he mistreated Nol, that it was wrong, that he took it all out on this kid he was so afraid of because he had no other outlet, and he wants to do better but knows that there's nothing to salvage anymore.

But also, it just makes me hope more and more that in the future we WILL see a reconciliation between the brothers. As I say every time, it doesn't mean they have to become brothers or friends, but I just want them to see each other fully. Kousuke knows what he did to Nol. He doesn't deny it, even if he might not say it out loud unless he's drunk. But Nol is still so in the dark. Yujing is trying to tip him off and make him aware of it, but I hope one day when Nol realizes it, when he finds out that Kousuke, too, was Yui's victim, that he wasn't the only one, that Kousuke was made to fear Nol's love, he might.... understand. I'm saying understand here loosely because I don't want people to get the idea that I mean Nol will forgive him and Kousuke will be justified, but rather that Nol would be able to understand why Kousuke felt that way, and move on. But I can't help but hope that it will lead to an understanding, a reconciliation, where maybe they can try to be in each other's lives.

I think it's also interesting that Shinhye was somewhat honest, even if she wasn't very forthcoming, with Kousuke about her own family. It sounds like her mother has been gone for a long time, that she's been on her own the whole while, and I think it reinforces the idea that she believes both that Simhan is her father and that he rejected her, that he didn't want anything to do with her. It lines up, too, with how she feels that he wouldn't react well if he saw her (although I think she credited that to looking like their mother). In the same way that Shinae has felt abandoned and cast aside by their mother, Shinhye probably thinks their father never tried reach out, to find them, to maintain a relationship with her. Or perhaps it's that her mother fed her lies about him, made her believe him a different type of man, made her believe there would never be anything of their relationship to salvage. And given that she's the one who Kousuke opened to, it makes me think that there must be some kind of parallel there; the way she mentioned her own mother feels like maybe her mother, too, was a manipulative - or at the very least, dishonest - person.

I don't speculate a lot on Shinhye because frankly I don't think I know enough about her to really try to talk about her, but I do think that it's very likely there's some kind of connection between Shinhye and the Hirahras or Gun. To be clear, I don't believe she's working with Yui at all. I think it's more like... Alyssa isn't the only girl who has been trafficked by Gun. What's the likelihood that Shinae and Shinhye's mother was? Given her history, the gambling addiction that was so egregious her reputation haunted Shinae and chased her to a new neighborhood and school, was she seeking money somewhere else, somewhere more dangerous? Is that part of why they had to change their name? There's so many questions left about them, and I look forward to learning more about her, but, much like with Alyssa, I think it will take time and be dropped in little tidbits like this - things to read into and try to glean something from.

And maybe we'll see more of this duo in the future? It would feel a little weird to give them this one single run in, but I'm not entirely sure. Quimchee likes to keep us on our toes. After all, Minhyuk and Shinhye have also had only the one run in. Still, I think it would be interesting to watch, if Shinhye ever felt.... I want to say maybe compelled? to dig in more to Kousuke, ever feel a kind of kinship. I don't think she'll open up to him at all, but rather, maybe she'd keep going back because a. he's wealthy and there's more she can nick from him (assuming he doesn't realize she stole anything while in his apartment, if he even remembers any of this) and b. wanting to gather more intel.

Like I said though, she's hard to read so I don't want to cling too hard to any ideas and, instead, sit back and enjoy the show.

[aiscapades]

this isn't touchstarved related i just wanna say something into a void that cares

getting ready for a concert tomorrow && i was having such horrible body image issues with my skirt x corset combo. just wasn't feeling it. so i thought i'd go a more masc western route to fit the vibe of the artist && wow i love 🩷 masc fits 🩷 i love working WITH not AGAINST my broad shoulders and Thick arms and hiding my boobs away and wow. i love gender nonconformity i love gender expression i love being free. finally free

[theguardianace]

man. it hasn't even been a full half day of this event being out and im already drafting a fic for it. what an absolute RIDE thsi has been.

[katierosefun]

oh there's something particularly painful about my mister in that dong hoon tells ji an that as long as no one knows, it's no big deal, and there's something particularly painful about how ji an tells dong hoon that sometimes, i want [my secret] to play out on big screens for everyone to see, and there's something particularly painful about how the second dong hoon meets the loan shark tormenting ji an, he starts screaming and yelling about how she's just a kid, how could you do that to a kid, and there's something particularly painful about how dong hoon doesn't even let ji an know he did that, but ji an knows. she knows because she was listening in the entire time and she just starts crying because someone actually knows this ugly, sad part of her and still took her side, and something particularly painful about how my mister started with as long as no one knows, it's no big deal but really concludes with there is so much risk in having someone know who you are but there's also so much comfort and peace to be found in that, too and maybe you shouldn't isolate yourself and maybe you should reach for that kind of comfort in being known and loved anyways

[boyswanna-be-her]

The dog I've been sitting for in the haunted house is the most neurotic dog I've dealt with, which is really saying something. She's not bad but she IS completely bonkers. And she's not a rescue! Same owners her whole life. How do people fuck up an animal's brain this hard?

The only thing I've seen even close was a rescue dog adopted during covid lockdown who then didn't understand what other dogs are and had crazy separation anxiety.

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Hmmm it's been a while since I posted one of my weird crossover ideas on tumblr. Let's fix that.

For the past few days I've been enjoying daydreaming about a Avatar the Last Airbender/Wingfeather Saga crossover. But it's. probably not what you would expect, haha. I'll probably never write it as more than ideas though, so I may was well post the concept here.

So this takes place in the Wingfeather world of Aerwiar, several years before the Fall of Anniera that jumpstarts the war/plot happening in the book series. One day, Artham Wingfeather is in one of Anniera's port towns and is called over by a concerned citizen, who leads him to a crowd watching a rowboat slowly drift to shore. The rowboat contains two small children, who Artham brings ashore and takes back to Castle Rysen.

The small children in question are Zuko (age 4) and Azula (age 2). In this version of events, the Fire Nation royal family is a bit darker than in canon and, after Ozai flies into a rage and burns Zuko (yes he still has his scar I know I'm mean, but there's a POINT I swear) Ursa decides she needs to get her kids the heck out of the Fire Nation. But Ozai is suspicious and possessive of her in general and has her under guard so she can't escape the palace, so she entrusts her kiddos to a few trusted servants, who pack them up in a rowboat with food and water and send them off, hoping they'll make it to a coastal village and be taken in by a kindly family.

Most of this is explained/implied in a note that Ursa sent along with the kids, that Artham reads and passes on to Esben (and Nia and Arundelle). They are properly horrified.

However, what no one realizes is that these kiddos have come through a portal between the two worlds. So Artham and Esben ASSUME that SOMEWHERE these kid's mom is being held captive by their cruel father and so they send out search parties/reconnaissance teams to try and rescue her, and because any father so cruel as to hurt his son the way Ozai hurt Zuko needs to be stopped. The brothers also wonder if, perhaps, this is somehow connected to the Tragic Accident that befell their parents and aunt Illiya a year before when their ship was lost and they were killed. And they start to wonder if, perhaps, that wasn't an accident, but that they stumbled upon whatever This was and tried to stop it and got in the way. (They don't suspect Bonifer... at first...)

Anyway, Artham finds himself caretaker for these two small children and develops a bond with them, especially Zuko (what, you thought I WASN'T going to use this as an excuse to make a connection between two of my favorite characters of all time?). Arundelle also becomes close with them, and- besides the cooks in the castle- she's the first person Artham tells about the kids. Because I thought it'd be fun to make Arundelle a healer (hey, why shouldn't she be good with healing plants and herbs? heh) and have her be the main person who treats Zuko's burn.

Azula recovers from the trauma of being separated from her mom and home pretty quickly since the new place she's in has kind, caring people, nice food, is still a palace, and she's two. She loves playing with Arundelle and listening to Artham's stories. She's very bright and friendly and talkative. She IS very attached to her brother tho, sleeping in the same bed as him the first few nights in this new place, even defending him/trying to explain his actions the way she's heard adults do. (when Artham finds the siblings they're clinging to each other in their little boat, terrified)

Zuko is more complicated. He's had the physical trauma of being burned paired with the emotional trauma of being hurt and abused by his father (the burning wasn't the first time, just the most severe). He understands a little more of what's going on than his sister. He love, love, loves being held, especially by Artham, because since Azula was born he's not been allowed to act like a "baby" and hasn't gotten much physical affection. He's very shy and has periods of mutism when meeting new people or encountering distressing/unfamiliar situations. Little guy has also had his senses severely rattled by losing both half his vision and half his hearing in one fell swoop. In short, he's a mess. The first time he's alone with Artham he has a panic attack because he thinks Artham will hurt him, but Artham being so kind and understanding and gentle with him helps him unlearn that. Zuko becomes very attached to Artham very quickly and... Artham becomes attached to him pretty fast too.

(Additionally, Zuko is terrified of Bonifer. The only explanation he can give for that is, "He looks at me like father did." which does plant a little seed of suspicion in Artham's mind specifically)

So, long term, this severely messes up Gnag/Bonifer's plans, since suddenly the Annierans are combing the Hollows/The Killridge Mts/even the Doonlands trying to find Zuko and Azula's family. This either forces the baddies to speed up their plans... or derails them altogether. I haven't decided yet, haha. The Annierans do find out something of what Gnag is doing (they don't connect Bonifer to it right away tho) and end up with some preparation for the attack that eventually comes. I think the attack on Anniera is still somewhat successful, but a lot less so than in canon. Like, I don't think the entire populace is captured/scattered and I haven't decided if I want Artham and Esben to still get captured or not. (if they do I have this great mental image of 7-year-old Zuko and 5-year-old Azula trying to rescue them from Throg. Just. just imagine the CHAOS even a pair of BABY firebenders could do in Aerwiar. Imagine.)

Oh yeah, to give you a better idea of WHEN this happens, Nia is pregnant with Janner when Artham finds Zuko and Azula. I just thought it'd be fun for Zuko to have the same age gap with Janner he has with Aang and it makes it close enough for things to come together plot wise.

So yeah, that's my thoughts on how Zuko and Azula could potentially have prevented the Fall of Anniera. xD

Other random things they cause:

Artham adopting them

Artham and Arundelle getting married a few years before Anniera falls after the closeness and bonding that comes from caring for a pair of traumatized children.

Absolute chaos with their firebending (the Annierans chalk this up to the old stories of Annieran/Anyaran kids having special powers to defend their home with and decide not to question it further)

So yeah, there's my late night thoughts on a WFS/ATLA AU. where Artham adopts Zuko and Azula. because why not. I hope it was a fun read. :D

[hivepixels]

.

[ultravioart]

roughing out ideas for a "goth/punk chick" disguise that peepers wears so he isn't shot on sight by Dominator lol

[watermelinoe]

my niece once got upset w my dad bc he wouldn't buy her some overpriced drunk elephant skincare product. she was freaked out about getting wrinkles. at age eight. i wish her mom had never bought her that damn smartphone

[tanicus-caesareth]

guarana drama, damage control