#[ ★ nervo vents ] | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

https-reverie · 5 months ago

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My ass is NOT used to genuine words despite how much/how many times I receive them

#[ ★ nervo yaps ]#like okok I might tag this as venting #but like yes I get stuff like “I'm here for you” from my family and stuff #but it just feels so different and sm more meaningful for me to hear it from my friends #but even then it's like EXTREMELY complex and hard to explain #like it means the fucking world to me when a friend offhandedly affirms me #or like they indulge in my stupid rambles #with my family it just feels like the “love your family unconditionally” kind of thing if that makes sense #it takes out the genuine part for me for some reason idk #and my mom and sister call me Ajax or masculine terms as a way to get my attention or like fun at me and it doesn't even happen often #and my dad just straight up pokes fun at me #no jokes to be made #like again they rarely even acknowledge my identity as a trans man #they occasionally acknowledge me being bi #but rlly only my mom does #my dad just nods along kinda #like he agrees but he seems indifferent to the point where he just does not care #and not in a good way #It's also when a friend says “you deserve it” (looking at devil rn) I get all giddy #that's smth I don't hear often at ALL #and it's abt smth I hold dear?#like fr???#Idk. someone put me to bed I cannot be having these thoughts at almost 4 am

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nervocat · 4 months ago

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I hateeee having to wonder if feelings are platonic or romantic. I get them confused and and it isn't the greatest thing

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#this applies for irl and functional ppl #bc sometimes ik it's romantic feelings like with Leona or Boothill etc #but then thinking abt it more like with Vil I rlly just don't knowwww #and then I spiral #it has caused some not rlly major things irl #but it's definitely caused some issues #the earlier stages of my teen years was NOT it #and I say earlier teen years bc I am getting older now and all the major badd things happened from 11(?)-I think early 14 and it was not fu #ok I'll stop now #no more venting my badddd guysss

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nervocat · 5 months ago

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man.

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#gonna say I'm venting a bit (kinda of a lot)#but I may seem selfish from this and let me say now ik everyone was putting themselves first (which is a very good thing)#but having three mutuals deactivate their accounts within I think two months or so??#I rlly don't like to be negative and I might also take a break from Tumblr (as much as I love posting here #so I'm still unsure if I'll even stick to that) bc of how negative I've been lately #I just don't want to keep venting and putting that on everyone so #but yeah I just. It makes me sad to see old/new mutuals go #I never thought I'd have to like #witness it #Idk #I've cried over losing them all and it feels rlly silly but I mean idk #I (try to — my feelings with crying are iffy and I hate admitting I do cry) not cry over everything but I just can't word stuff rn #might be posting less/not posting at all for the next few days or so #I'm gonna be busy in July anyways so it's probably better to just say that now #sorry guys I'm just dealing with some stuff mentally lately (an example being gender dysphoria but I can't even word the stuff going on #not to sound like I'm overexaggerating bc I rlly don't wanna seem like I am. It's nothing too serious so don't #be worried at all pls I'm ok enough I won't just disappear)#I just wish I could have alone time in my room with my cats without my family bugging me for a few days #It's tiring atp #I wanna lock myself up just to recooperate and figure out how to deal with certain things the best I can #anyways yap fest over I'm gonna go play wuwa and build Jinshi more #sorry for venting again 🫡🫡

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https-reverie · 5 months ago

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Why do I feel so like. Idk. Uhh.. lonely??

#[ ★ nervo vents ]#Ig I'll tag it as that #been too negative on main today #but I feel SOME kind of negative emotion #like idk how to describe it other than lonely :((#rghhh let me WRITE HAPPILY DAMNIT WHAT'S YOU'RE (my) PROBLEM #I wish fictional characters were real it'd make life sm better #I literally want to KISS Leona #sorry guys my bad #down horrendous for him.........#my silly :33 #I think that trip to the restaurant fucked me over

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nervocat · 2 months ago

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I'm so sick of my mom saying that “it's silly to have boundaries”

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#I think she means mainly with family but it still irritates the shit out of me #“I don't like touch that much!” “Well that sounds like smth you need to work on”#like are you serious??#yeah it was “only a tap on the thigh” but I didn't fucking like it #sometimes it causes me to spiral rlly badly other times it makes me blow up at people #unless I initiate or I'm ok with it I don't want ppl fucking touching me idc where it is #and I literally told her that I don't think she understands my boundaries and then she just said smth stupid #like “then it's smth you need to work on” and it only made me more frustrated bc I just don't think she gets things #I need to do chores and hmrk and stop venting on Tumblr 💀💀#Tumblr has become the diary I never had

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nervocat · 2 months ago

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I want to present masc so bad but with my parents and family as a whole it's near impossible rn

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#(I vent in tags so don't read if you don't wanna read me venting sorry)#I've essentially recloseted myself if that makes sense #I came out to my mom and dad and they were all iffy abt it #“and is it ok if I'm gay too..?” “well that's not rlly possible”#my dad says even tho I just told them both I'm a trans man #I'm near positive they still see me as their daughter and everytime I think abt that I want to throw up until I can't #my mom even told me to hide my identity as a trans man to my very Christian grandma bc it would be “hard for her to come to terms with it”#I came out to them maybe three almost four years ago by now #and I came out to my other grandma and all I got was her saying “yeah it's ok but what if you're wrong?”#“What if you do smth to your body that you can't reverse?”#“We faught for you kids to not have labels and you're going back to them”#she acted like I could get surgery or smth right then and there #all I could do even now if the puberty blockers which is so easily reversible it's crazy I just have to stop taking it #others who aren't trans take it so why can't I #they act like I'm this silly teenager doesn't know what he's talking abt but I've done my research on this stuff #I don't fucking care what my family thinks abt my identity and they can fuck off if they don't wanna accept me #my mom even told me that she “told my grandma I'm bisexual bc she'll be able to comprehend that better”#and my dad literally going “these are nice gender neutral shoes” when I was looking for BLACK SHOES #and he kept repeating it too I'm so sick of this shit I rlly am #I love my family but they rlly piss me off sometimes

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nervocat · 3 months ago

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I want to lock myself in my room so I don't lash out at anyone like last time

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#ranting/venting a bit in tags #but everything everyone and every action pisses me off so badly #and everything out of place in my mind or is moved makes things worse and makes me feel horribly uncomfortable #I don't know why or how this happens but it makes me feel horrible and that I'm a bad person #and I won't be sleeping in my bed tonight bc we're staying with our family (no drunk driving and stuff)#but I always seem to sleep worse when I don't sleep in my bed #Idk I probably won't post anything else for the night #I feel horrible at how mad I am esp when I lash out #Idk last time it was bc my schedule in my mind was messed up #I'll stop rambling now I don't knowwww

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nervocat · 4 months ago

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Keeping myself from venting here going offline for a few hours

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#It's always fucking embarrassing when I vent here #sorry guys #need a break for a few hours

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https-reverie · 5 months ago

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ok maybe this is why I don't think much abt self-shipping when I'm in a bad state of mind

#[ ★ nervo vents ]#to no one's surprise I'm venting a bit #need to stop venting on main anyways #but yeah even then I start to think that fictional characters would hate me #not want to even be friends with me #like ???#I'm such an obnoxious person sometimes #like I'm loud and it's one of the reasons why irl I'm so disliked/hated by ppl #so what makes me think a character like Blade would like me??#and do I rlly think I even have a chance with anyone fictional or not?#they're all wayyy out of my league #and I also still think it's embarrassing for myself to indulge like this #I can't word exactly why rn #but idk #like I do try to respect ppl and their boundaries and whatnot #but even I don't know the tone/volume of my voice and when I'm told I'm being loud and “ppl are looking at me” and to “be quieter”#I just kinda shut up and follow behind like my family or friends or smth and look down at the ground #ig trying to hide from the eyes of others??#Idk I hate being the center of attention #damn this got deep real fast #uhhh #basically I'm saying that even if I tried not even a fictional character would like me #alright negative yap session over #gonna have my earbuds charge and try to type up a short late night fic for myself

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nervocat · 5 months ago

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I love my cat sm

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#tw vent #putting that there .....#but I went down a negative spiral and whenever I do that gender dysphoria kicks my ass #and Tuxiedo wasn't on my bed so all I could do was hold on to my plush and cry #but I felt him come and jump up on my bed from my window #and I turned around and he pretty much immediately came to lay on my chest #ik that he doesn't know something/someone putting weight on my chest rlly helps me when I get like this #(it helps with me not feeling hyper aware of my chest and is just a general comfort thing for me that rlly only my cat does)#but just having him do that comforted me a whole lot #and since he got off I'm just hugging said plush to my chest to try and help #which it does #but it's also led to me not being able to move even an inch bc I always get hyper aware of my chest #It always happens #I stay frozen when it gets rlly bad and I just just wanna throw up my insides and rip my hair out sometimes and I just hold my plush close #too much? probably #I get kinda violent to myself with my thoughts #very gorey would not recommend #but I'm not gonna say them in detail here #but yeah Tuxiedo getting up and comforting me was rlly nice #I love him :33 #and my bad for getting negative on main fellas 🙏🙏#need to shower but who knows if that'll make my current horrendous gender dysphoria worse #(it will bc I have to look at myself in the mirror every time I go to get in the shower and I get sick just looking at myself)#also Over & Over by Rio Romeo rlly had to start playing during this 💀💀#“Over and over I fuck myself over” lyric hitting more than usual 💔💔

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nervocat · 4 months ago

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I'm going to sleep so well tonight. Unless I don't

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#been having no fun and just been mentally exhausted #friend didn't come over like planned (still dk why) so I've been sitting in my room all day #and it's been noisy too so. been kinda pissy but I'm not gonna be venting abt it #I'm so tired rn actually I wanna take a nap

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nervocat · 4 months ago

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I want to hide every part of my body rn but I don't have my usual baggy shirt and pants clean

#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#stuck with stupid tank top and shorts #I need to stop venting here 💀💀#sorry guys posting every thought includes the negative ones. unfortunately #I wanna go offline for a few hours again but ik I won't stick to it bc I have nothing else better to do than be on Tumblr

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https-reverie · 5 months ago

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“HAVE SOMETHIN TO SAY TO NERVO?”

[ ★ NERVO / AJAX ] — 15 YO BI TRANS MALE . Boothills pretty boy, Shorekeepers Star, Alucards love, Elliotts muse

⌞ hsr self-ships . other self-ships ⌝’. — ★

—main blog . @nervocat , oc blog . @benefactordreams

—nervos works . rules (+ dni) . ★

—anons . [ I don't even know if I'll get any lol ]

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀︵ 𓆇࣪ ˒˓ —☄️ ࣪ ˖

⌞ Star Notes (byf) . Self-ship blog!! I get pretty self-indulgent here with the future stuff I'll be writing and putting here instead of my main. If you don't like this kind of content, just dni. I'll get kinda personal and vent here sometimes, just block the tag [ ★ nervo vents ] if you don't want to see those posts. There's not just romance here, there is also platonic content as well. I'm also new to this whole thing and need to get used to it all, so excuse any awkwardness of mine, much appreciated! ⌝’. — ★

#[ ★ nervos navi ]#[ ★ nervo yaps ]#[ ★ nervo vents ]#[ ★ nervo answers ]#[ ★ nervo reblogs ]#[ ★ nervos works ]

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