#but I feel SOME kind of negative emotion

[https-reverie]

Why do I feel so like. Idk. Uhh.. lonely??

[makotonaegiunderstander]

something I’ve been thinking abt is how many people think Makoto is immune to despair. I don’t think he is. I think becoming the ultimate Hope was BECAUSE he felt despair. He wouldn’t have fully reached that point without Junko. Makoto becoming such a beacon was his last attempt to avoid completely falling and it wasn’t because he didn’t feel despair, it was because he was too damn stubborn to allow everything to go to waste and he refused to sacrifice his beliefs for someone else’s. His inner monologue tells me he DID experience the same new low the other suvivors did in the final trial, but at the point where he had the choice to give up and die, he looked at the others and he looked at Junko and he couldn’t allow it to happen, not out of self preservation, but because the idea that Junko would have control over their lives made him FURIOUS. and that utter refusal to die kicked in, wether luck or otherwise, and he made the concious effort for one last push while something in him was breaking. He had to be broken in order for the Ultimate Hope to come through so aggressively, bc it could only exist in the face of the Ultimate Despair. He snapped the same way she did, but in the other direction. In what could have been his final moments he chose to embody everything Junko wasn’t, and every single optimistic and luck fueled ideal in him suddenly charged forward and pushed him. It was a combination of the final straw and a choice. Makoto isn’t immune to feeling despair, he’s just too stubborn to fall into it of his own volition. I think that’s why I like that scene in DR3 so much. People were SO SHOCKED Makoto actually fell for the tape, that he actually became despair for a moment. I saw people getting mad or disappointed, saying it was pathetic and Makoto seemed to fall from some sort of pedestal for them. Honestly part of me wonders if that sort of mentality, which clearly people had in universe, affected Makoto a bit. Like he started to see himself as less of a person, subconsciously. Prompting him to take more risks, less self preservation, act way more bold. It seems he has to be reminded a lot not to put himself in danger by his friends, to not do something too reckless. All over the place I would see in regards to that scene either this frivolous ‘oh this was just angst drama with no meaning behind it’ or ‘he can do better than that. he’s so weak’ or ‘come on, there’s no way he’d fall into despair, he’s the Ultimate Hope!’ This kind of mentality, which was kind of ironic considering Ryota was there the entire time saying the same thing and treating Makoto the same way. Like Makoto was superhuman. Like Makoto didn’t feel despair the same way ‘normal people’ did. In a way that was also how Munakata saw Makoto. Makoto stopped being a PERSON to the world when he became Ultimate Hope, he became a concept, a belief system, much the same way Junko ascended beyond herself. But the difference is that treating Makoto that way is the opposite of the reason Makoto became such a representative for hope. He wasn’t doing something no one else could. He was doing something everyone had the chance to, he just… was a little more optimistic, a little more stubborn, a little more ‘gung-ho’ about things. He just took the lead where no one else did, where no one else knew they even COULD in the face of Junko’s unstoppable force. She had overcome the biggest threats and obstacles in the world, what could one person do? And the answer Makoto found was, anything. Everything. It doesn’t all rest on Makoto, he’s just the one that was inspired to try to do what seemed like the impossible. But as evidenced by the change in his friends after that trial, it’s clearly not something only Makoto is capable of. The others pulled out of despair thanks to Makoto, but it was their choice to do so.

“But… this world is so huge, and we’re so small. What can we do…? No, we can probably do anything. Yeah! We can do anything!”

[lord-squiggletits]

Y'know the thing about writing feral/unhinged versions of Orion/Optimus, is that you can't go too far into the feral/unhinged direction to a point where OP's core character traits are lost or become too diminished. After all, in a multiple-continuity franchise like TF, part of what makes the stories make sense is that even if details change (sometimes major details), the characters are still recognizably themselves to one degree or another. (Although this isn't always the case due to executive meddling or some characters being such blank slates from their initial G1 appearances that there's basically nothing to model them off of, but I digress.)

It's pretty much another reason why I love IDW1 Optimus, bc he literally is a canonical feral/unhinged Optimus who's unhinged as a direct consequence of who he is as a person and what he's been through. Like, he still has those fundamental character traits of trying his best to be moral and make good choices, trying to be a role model, etc, except after 4 million years of war and untreated depression he's basically holding onto his sense of self by his fingertips. So when he "goes feral" e.g. losing his temper and beating up/killing people or saying hurtful things, he's feral in a way that's directly tied to his normal personality and not just as a random quirk he has.

IDW OP's feral moments arise from the gaps between "Optimus' attempts to be who he thinks he needs to be" and "the reality of the world that he can't fix/seems to only make worse" that cause him to lose hope, or become cynical, or lose his temper. But in this case, the unhinged-ness makes perfect sense because it arises out of Optimus trying and failing to be the best person or to make the most morally good choices he's trying to make. Basically, the "feral/unhinged" label is just another way of me trying to say that he's not just unhinged because he's weird or because he's a bad person, but because it's an emotional reaction (more like an emotional explosion due to pent-up emotions) to the context he exists in.

I'd also say that IDW OP's personality being generally reserved/stoic and (trying to be) noble works in tandem with those moments he has of going feral because it makes him more realistic. His psyche is treated in a way where the writers are like, "Hey what if the pressure of having to be everyone's idol and be the best person in the galaxy at all times actually broke Optimus down mentally and emotionally?" It makes IDW OP far more relatable. Instead of naturally being a perfect Christ-like figure who never wavers in his morals or convictions and is just naturally a nice person who always has the wisest and best answer, being a good person is something that IDW OP has to consciously strive to be. Even when he feels like it's useless, or the cycle of violence will never stop, or any attempts he makes to help only ends up with things becoming worse.

And I feel like this does a service not only to IDW Optimus as a character, but also as a sort of moral/philosophical perspective for the reader to ponder upon? I feel like culture at large (or at least my experience of it) tends to believe that "goodness" in a person is simply an innate feature that people are born/not born with, and that being "good" means that you must be good at all times, both in your actions as well as the way you feel emotionally about yourself and the world. Like, there's a tendency for our vision of "a good person" to be good in every aspect at all times without having to try to be a good person. So I think IDW Optimus' character stands as a good example of how someone can be good at heart but still struggle to maintain those feelings of optimism and hope and justice. It's a good idea to have such a paragon of a character (in-universe and out-of-universe) be so conflicted and to even be mistaken, misguided, or make things worse because it shows that goodness is as much about "trying to behave/act in a way that is good" and not just "existing as an innately good person."

It's way more realistic for a person to want to be good, try to be good, and sometimes/often fail than it is for them to just be a good person. I enjoy the fact that IDW Optimus is both a good person at heart, but also has to strive to be a good person and live up to other people's expectations of what they see in him. I like how he wants to be a good person and change society for the better, but he also spends a good amount of time either feeling hopeless and alone or being angry at/detached from other people because of how frustrated they make him. He's realistically portrayed as someone who wants to be good and hopeful and change things for the better, but is also mentally and emotionally broken by that burden because of how impossible it is for him to Fix Everything and be the Perfect Prime/Leader/Autobot that people see him as. It's this fascinating mixture of "yes, this is who he is as a person" but also "there are things he desires to be that he could never possibly become or live up to."

This got really far off based from feral/unhinged Optimus sdklfjaslkdlfkas. The TLDR is that if people want unhinged OP, I feel like they should give IDW OP a chance because he IS unhinged but he's unhinged in a way that's a realistic/thematic representation of how being an Absolute Good is impossible. And how being a good person isn't just about Existing And You Are A Good Person, but rather goodness is a constant state of flux in which you adjust, you make mistakes, you lose your temper and feel hopeless, but then you pick yourself up and try again.

Also IDW OP really likes climbing in dangerous wilderness and jumping out of flying vehicles which I think is very feral and sexy of him to do.

[zeebreezin]

I think one of the funniest (Editor’s note: should be read as horrifying) implications of developing OC relationships not necessarily in chronological order, and retroactively adding context as needed has gotta come from Bev’s motivations for blackmailing @viric-dreams ‘s Lt. Roberts.

In every timeline he’s motivated by losing his spot on the job to blow up a little section of Benthic College, right. However depending on the continually, there’s two different reasons why this pushes him over the edge. Why losing this job is what finally makes him say fuck the protocol, I need to get some control over this situation now.

Either he decides to go for blackmail because he’s bitter he didn’t get a chance to test out his inventions, and is generally motivated by somewhat petty frustration & a more reasonable concern that his own work is consistently being put on the back burner (considering he’s actively hunting down a missing bomb…)

Or! His choice is motivated by fear, and resentment of being taken off the lead role… because without him at the helm, Bev had no control over who or what got hurt, or who might get caught in the crossfire. Including his professor and only friend at the time, @thedeafprophet ‘s Josephine. And with no idea how to process that grief and terror (he’s not supposed to be caring about these people! There’s Work to be done!), Bev interpreted his doubts towards the New Sequence’s actions as hatred of his commanding officer.

Both timelines end up the same - with him taking a fire poker to the head and potentially never going back to the university again. But they paint two very different sides of the same guy, huh?

[crocodilenjoyer]

crocodad is so so so so so so so fucking funny but most of the fan content around it SUCKS bc of this weird idea that crocodile would be nurturing as if he isn’t exactly the kind of guy that would be dodging at the speed of light any child support claims nami keeps sending cross guild… tsk tsk.

SKFNDNFC LITERALLYYYYY

i don’t care what oda said in that one sbs i really don’t think crocodile has a parental bone in his body. protective, maybe, of people and things he considers his own, but i think if you put him in a room with a child he’d only be capable of interacting with them like a small adult, if absolutely forced to interact with them at all. otherwise he is Leaving he is Gone.

(note that most of the people crocodile interacts with are wanted criminals. he is talking with this hypothetical kid like they’re both in The Biz.)

also this is definitely me projecting a little but i read a fic like this once and as a transmasc person who experiences visceral horror at even the idea of pregnancy, i think this goes double for like. a kid that he birthed. yeah parent-child connection etc etc but my favorite take on it is that crocodile didn’t realize he was pregnant until he was literally in labor, and he had the genuinely extremely reasonable and relatively measured reaction of flipping the fuck out, running to ivankov the second the kid was out of him, and then pulling a complete disappearing act.

children are also a major fiscal responsibility and he is Not About That.

[persephoneflouwers]

🌷

[diamondrib]

fun fact all those people who talk about how type 4 hair and dealing with it sucks are right but in a nuanced way where it’s actually systemic racism’s fault and not anything about our hair itself making it uniquely shitty

[seventh-district]

again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.

[musubiki]

most recent story development in my brain: ive decided to actually seperate taffy and coco during the timeskip

initially i had it that taffy sticks with coco because he has nowhere to go and they eventually get together over the timeskip. the new version is that he runs away and disappears right before mochi leaves

in my head i see him as the type to run away after what mochi and coco do for him-- after coco put in so much effort and time advocating for him because she saw that there were traces of a good person under his antagonistic nature, and after mochi beat his ass for the final time and finally cleared his curse, he doesnt know what to do with himself.

the rest of the guild at that point (mochi included) has an attitude of "We know why you were the way you were. Now that there's no reason for you to hate us, you're free to go where you want. You can even stay with us." and this sentiment eats him alive. the guilt he feels is insane. the fact that he spent months (years?) trying to ruin mochi, brewing in bitterness and rage and all of a sudden all of that is gone and replaced with forgiveness and warmth is unbearable and he cant stand it, so he leaves.

this is all coupled with his feelings for coco and the attitude on his end of "I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her. All I can do is bring them down. All I can do is bring her down. I have no right to stay here. I have no right to want to stay here."

so theres a pivotal scene in my head where he has all these thoughts, standing right outside the side door to mochis house hearing them all chattering inside, and has a long moment of hesitation before going inside. in the OLD version coco opens the door before he can make up his mind and forces him inside with the rest of them, but in the NEW version i think its much more taffy-like if hes gone by the time she notices and gets to the door

(tldr timeline: mochi removes his curse -> he disappears -> he only appears for the last amanita fight because really thats HIS fight as much as it is mochis -> he leaves again RIGHT after. i imagine coco tried to stop him or say goodbye but this man is notoriously good at escaping quickly)

and so timeskip-wise coco attends university on her own. she keeps in touch with oscar and lime (more oscar than lime) and while she never directly set out to look for taffy, there was always that desire to look for him in a crowd or something, maybe hoping to run into him at random or that he would show up out of nowhere like he did the first time.

I'm not totally sure what he does during the timeskip then. something far away from coco and the guild, but somewhere close to the ocean because he could never find it in him to stray too far from it for too long. maybe lost his touch with water magic a bit because he was too afraid and guilt-ridden to use it. never really stopped thinking about coco but couldnt muster up the courage to go find her again. for YEARS hes convinced that she doesnt want to see him and he wouldnt do anything to make her life better. hes done too much to all of them for them to ever accept him, he thinks.

until one day coco just. shows up. after tracking him down (with mochi and sulluvans help). sitting on a barrel at the docks he works at in some city somewhere, eating some cotton candy she bought at the docks like "Heyo! Mochi needs another guild member, and you kinda owe us one, soooo..."

[checkeredtablesloth]

*grinds teeth*

We were just bad for each other

It says nothing about the quality of my character

It says nothing about the quality of their character

I still deserved better

[slippery-minghus]

oof

[scarletiswailing347]

hmm yknow ive never had to worry about this before cause all the fandoms ive been in ive never really been in the same space as the creators so i never had to worry about the ccs/creators seeing my liveblogs even if i only rarely did it before but since the lsers are here maybe i should just stop liveblogging?? cause like in case it wasnt obvious im a massive hater first and foremost and if theres one thing you dont show the creators its hate so like. idk maybe its time to stop for good

[twilight-good-yall-dumb]

I'm realizing that the reason I feel so deeply attached to things I loved as a kid probably has something to do with the way I don't feel that attachment with my parents. Like yeah, I'm going to be devastated when the member of a band I've loved for over half of my life dies because he was there for me when my own parents weren't. And yeah, I'm going to feel ridiculous adoration for the woman who writes and sings songs about love and heartbreak who I've been singing along to since I was a child because she's shown me what love could be when my own mother couldn't set that example. And yeah, I'm going to love a cozy atmospheric piece of media because I felt comfortable living inside of that world when my own home growing up was never a place of reprieve. etc etc etc

[fragmentedblade]

I called it, Ruan Mei is deranged and shady as hell

[prowerprojects]

Man I read such a great hanahaki fic for a different fandom today & now I'm thinking of that Sonamy hanahaki au I had in mind ages ago & really want to write that fic

[fitzselfships]

So crazy how I can go from having a great day to all of a sudden remembering an upsetting dream I had last night and it just. Instantly ruins my mood </3