#the earlier stages of my teen years was NOT it

[nervocat]

I hateeee having to wonder if feelings are platonic or romantic. I get them confused and and it isn't the greatest thing

[foldingfittedsheets]

Here’s a story about the time I almost lost my virginity. This is of course a social construct and by a broader understanding had already been lost years earlier at a sleepover with my best friend. But I digress.

I was dating a boy in high school. I shall call him Drama Boy. DB was big into theater, he made home movies and did stage performances at his high school.

Now. I must make this notation here, because the ending to this story will be savage otherwise, but DB put entirely too much of his mental well-being on my shoulders. He was often depressed and it was my job to constantly be helping him to regulate that.

The night our story took place we had been dating for eight months. During those months had been a ludicrous amount of making out and groping, even one lusty fumble that almost ended in penetration I vetoed on the grounds of not having a condom. It’s worth noting the first time we made out I felt physically sick to my stomach but I assumed that was normal.

But our parents didn’t give us much opportunity to really do anything like we imagined real sex to be. Until he came over for a movie night and my parents left on a date.

Scandalous, some might say, of my parents to leave us unchaperoned. But my parents were very blasé about sexual topics. They knew I was well educated and careful. Their leaving was possibly a gift of privacy rather than carelessness.

So when DB arrived for our movie night, we both knew This Was The Night. The night we’d lose our virginity.

We were both nervous and excited. The weight of societal pressure blanketed both of us, convincing us that this was the most momentous night of sex either of us could ever have.

DB chose a wretched movie. We sat through the first part dutifully before we started making out sloppy style. As I’d said previously, we’d done plenty of making out and hand stuff. Which is why I noticed that DB did not seem to be as… rigid as he had on other occasions.

A kinder more mature lens has softened my perspective. He was so nervous. But at the time I was a bit offended that I wasn’t arousing enough to have him standing at full mast. Still, we forged ahead.

I sat patiently while he tried to unhook my bra, boredly watching the terrible movie in the background as he soldiered manfully toward defeating the two clasps containing the bounty of my bosom while insisting he didn’t need my help. It took about five minutes.

That out of the way we made out some more. Then DB pulled out his pièce de résistance. A condom. This was a big get for him. His family, unlike mine, were horribly conservative and of the opinion that marriage was worth waiting for. So his opportunity to secure this vital piece of equipment had been slim.

In fact, it had been so slim, that what he pulled out was an:

Unlubricated

Glow in the dark

Novelty condom

From a vending machine

At the bowling alley.

I wasn’t terribly enthused about any of those qualifiers, but I held my tongue.

Then came the worst part. DB couldn’t admit that the stress of performance had unmanned him. He continued to pretend his wobbly erection could facilitate the rigorous activity of putting on a condom. He attempted to force the dry clinging rubber down his dick as it softened like pudding under his fumbling hands.

I butted in and made with more kissing, certain that seeing me naked had been such a let down that he was going limp because of me. Surely the sight of my boobies should have been enough! Because they weren’t, I was convinced he wasn’t really into this deflowering at all.

It didn’t help that my enthusiasm for this activity was fueled purely by teen hormones rather than actual sexual attraction. Perhaps he felt the same. It was one thing to watch his penis with clinical curiosity but another to think that my young boobs didn’t excite the same lust I felt toward boobs.

Nevertheless. The condom was more or less on. With momentous energy he tried to jam our anatomy together and rolled a critical failure. His penis lost all rigidity and oozed away from insertion.

Panicking and embarrassed he exclaimed, “I think I put this on wrong!”

To my horror he began trying to remove the condom and put it back on the other way. Health instructors of ages past screamed in my head that the condom had now been stretched and unrolled.

Trying to jam it back on was certainly not safe, especially given the slackness of the anatomy in question. It would certainly tear- if he could even get it back on.

I broke out in a sweat watching him attempt the magic trick of convincing a flaccid penis that it really wanted to get better acquainted with a desiccated rubber tube prison.

“I just remembered!” I exclaimed.

He looked up at me, wretched with despair.

“I promised my parents I wouldn’t have sex tonight. I just remembered! Sorry!”

This could go down in history as one of the most bold faced and terrible lies ever told, a blatant falsehood on par with declaring the sky was green. But his face broke out in a terrible relief.

He disposed of the abused condom and I resecured my bra and we resumed watching the horrible movie, both of us relieved in our own way to set down the burden of Losing Virginity.

The next day I broke up with him.

This remains to this day one of the most savage things I’ve ever done, breaking up with someone the night after impotence.

But remember, dear reader! It wasn’t just the sex! His depression had already worn away my patience and our communication. The foibles of the night before had just illuminated the gaps where we couldn’t talk to each other properly. I was constantly comforting him over something, shoring up his brain chemistry with my relentless positivity.

I’d like to say that’s all it was, and look more charitably on my young self. But truthfully my tender pride had also been badly stung that I wasn’t worth rising to the occasion for. Comforting him over this latest mishap when my feelings were hurt was more than I could swallow.

DB took the breakup very poorly. About two weeks later he lost his virginity with the new girl he was dating. He called me to brag, sniffing through the airwaves for hints that he’d hurt me back.

When I congratulated him with utter sincerity and not a whiff of jealousy he was furious.

We stopped speaking for years, except on our mutual birthday when we’d wish each other a cordial “Happy birthday.”

He messaged me out of the blue one day years later to catch up. He was working in food service now. Was it true I was a lesbian? Yes, I assured him, that was true. He thought that was pretty cool.

Then he told me about this bisexual girl he worked with who was interested in a threesome. Did I want to have a threesome with him and his bisexual coworker?

The audacity. I couldn’t believe it. My mind filled with savage retorts like, if you understand I’m a lesbian why do you think I’d want you to be part of that? Why wouldn’t I just sleep with her without you?

But I remembered the utterly ruthless way I’d dumped him and as penance I swallowed all of the things I wanted to say and instead politely told him I was seeing someone, but thanks for the offer.

And that was it. He’d managed to shoot his shot not once, not twice, but three times, and never managed a home run. He struck out that last time, and we never spoke again.

[seireiteihellbutterfly]

Promise Me

ft Nanami Kento

A/N: Some Teen!Nanami angst! IDK why but I've been wanting to write this for a while. Header and dividers all credited at the bottom. Rating: 13+, fluffy-ish Warnings: Sadness, angst, mentions of death and dying Pairing: Teen! Nanami x Reader Summary: Faced with a solo mission, reader finds themselves contemplating their life in the Jujutsu world Word Count: 2301 Nanami masterlist

With trembling hands, you type out the text message. You’re aware it’s long, more like a letter but in that moment it felt like you would crumble if you didn’t get it all out into words. 

‘Hey Kento. I hope college is going well. You sounded happy when we last spoke. I hope you’re having fun with your friends.

Upper management has assigned me a solo mission. They said it's because they are confident my abilities have reached a stage where I can handle myself and also take down the curse. I know it's because there are no other sorcerers available to accompany me.

Anyway, it's a big step, which is why I called earlier but I know that you’re busy, so I figured I’d text you instead. I leave tomorrow morning. I’m just packing all my gear right now.

And I’ll probably have dinner with my friends tonight and try not to think about the mission. You know how I get when I start overthinking. It’s probably not as big a deal as I’m making it out to be, right? Students take on solo missions all the time.

I have no reason to be scared, right? Management would never assign me to a solo mission they believed was out of my depth, right? I just keep thinking about what it’s like, not having anyone with me. I’ll have to be at my sharpest, so I’m hoping to get a good night’s sleep. 

Call me if you can. Or if not today, then sometime tomorrow? I’ll probably be on the train most of the day but we can still talk. Let me know. I love you.’ 

You hit send and look at your half-packed bag. Each time you attempt to clear your mind, your thoughts threaten to eat you alive. You were terrified at the thought of this solo mission. When management had called you to brief you about it, you had waited for them to tell you who would be accompanying you. The dread that filled your stomach when they said you’d be going alone made you feel like you were carrying around a lead weight. 

This year had been rough. It was the year that Nanami had graduated from Jujutsu High, his college acceptance all arranged, as he readied himself to leave behind the world of sorcery for good. You had attended his graduation, the doting girlfriend, tears in your eyes at how proud you were of him, but also because you knew this meant you wouldn’t see him around here anymore. No more midnight walks, or studying for exams, sneaking into each other’s dorms for little kisses and reassuring hugs. You had never thought his being one year your senior would matter until he had shown you his acceptance letter. 

There was a sense of worry there too, because college meant he was going away from you, but he had held you so tightly, whispering this didn’t change anything. You were always going to be his girlfriend. He would make it work. He didn’t want anyone else. It had been a few months and the long distance was hard but it brought you more happiness than anything around here ever did. 

You continued to pack, glancing at the clock, unable to shake the jittery feeling from your body. It felt like there were a million butterflies in your stomach, and your heart kept pounding even though you didn’t leave for the mission until tomorrow. The innocent morning sun shone through your dorm window, uncaring about the turmoil inside you. You keep glancing at your phone, hoping Nanami will reply, but the screen remains blank. Phantom vibration syndrome kicked in at one point where you could’ve sworn you heard your phone vibrate, picking it up eagerly to check, only to see nothing new on the screen. Your heart sinks with disappointment each time. You knew his schedule and that he was probably in class. He would call you when he could. He’s never not called or at least texted.

As you sit down on your bed, the overwhelming gravity of the situation hits you. You were going alone. There was no backup. If you messed up on this mission…you squeeze your eyes shut. It was one thing if you failed to exorcise the curse. That in some way brought you relief. If you didn’t exorcise it, management would simply express their disappointment and send someone else. But what if…what if…you didn’t exorcise it and the curse…

You gasp, shaking your head violently, trying to rid yourself of the thoughts of death. No, it couldn’t happen that way. You couldn’t die. What you would’ve given in that moment, to not be a sorceress, but to be a normal teenager! To go dress shopping, and enjoy prom, to start writing your own college applications. To know that your life wasn’t in danger and that you would live, live to spend another day with your friends, live to see Nanami again…

Before you knew it, tears filled your eyes, spilling onto your cheeks, and you hugged your pillow tightly for comfort. You remembered how you had cried when Nanami left for missions, out of contact for days, barely sleeping until he sent you a text that his mission was completed and that he was coming back. You remember him training you, always working on your self-defense, making sure your reflexes were honed and sharp. You remember that even when you were sent with a partner, it sometimes didn’t change a thing.

Haibara’s death still hung heavily over everyone, and you think back to Nanami’s expression when he returned from that mission, his eyes dark and solemn, regret lined heavily on his face. It was so unfair, that at the age of 16, he had to endure that. Haibara had been so kind to you as well, the best kind of senpai anyone could have asked for. Nanami never allowed himself to be emotional in front of anyone but had broken down in your arms in the privacy of his dorm room. Neither of you slept well for days after that, often jerking awake in the middle of the night, immediately texting the other for comfort. 

You wondered if something happened to you, would Nanami break down the way he did for Haibara? Would it be equal? Would it be worse?

“Please reply,” you whisper, checking your phone again. Still nothing. Did he not care that you were being sent on a solo mission? Had he finally started to enjoy his life away from Jujutsu High that he wasn’t going to answer you anymore? Frustration fills you and you resist the urge to fling your phone across the room. You curl up into a ball and keep reminding yourself that he’d never play around with your feelings, that he was probably busy, and that he’d call you as soon as he could…

The day passes by in a haze. Still no word from Nanami. You try calling him again but it says he’s unreachable. It only alleviates your trepidation. Maybe he had forgotten you. College was a whole new world after all. You scream into your pillow, allowing self-pity to overtake you. No one understood. Your friends had advised you to break up with him before he broke up with you. That he would find someone else at college, that long-distance rarely ever worked out. 

You fall asleep on your bed in a blur of confusion, unable to ruminate about your situation anymore. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Nanami is out of breath as he hurdles through the corridors of Jujutsu High. A few students look at him in surprise and recognition, waving their hands at him as he races past, ignoring their greetings of ‘Nanami senpai!’. 

A solo mission…they had the nerve to send you on a solo mission…His breath had caught in his throat when he read your text, all other thoughts wiped blank. He’d immediately talked to his professors stating he had a family emergency and left hurriedly with nothing but his backpack. 

It took two trains to get here, one of which had gotten delayed. He couldn’t not see you before this mission, a damned solo mission, without reassuring you, without holding you tight after so many months apart. 

A left, a right, another left, then he halts in front of your dorm room and knocks softly. “Y/n?”

When you don’t open the door, he grips the handle, surprised to find it unlocked, and enters quietly. He sees you asleep on your bed, your bag set on the floor. A rush of relief and affection floods him as he sees you holding the little teddy bear he’d gifted you before leaving for college. 

‘Hold him when you miss me, yeah?’ He had said to you. You had immediately named it Teddymin, and he was currently tucked under your cheek as you slept uneasily. 

“Y/n,” Nanami says your name louder trying to rouse you, not wanting to scare you at seeing him in your dorm unexpectedly. You stir, then open bleary eyes. It was dark outside. Who was calling your name and why did it sound so familiar?

“Y/n.” Your eyes fly open and you quickly sit up, unable to believe it. 

“Kento?” You whisper his name disbelievingly, feeling tears well up in your eyes again. 

“I’m here.” He sits on the bed, drawing you close to him. You still can’t believe it. Were you dreaming? Was he really here? You grip his sleeve, hear his heartbeat, feel the warmth of his skin, and start crying unrestrainedly. All day, you had tried to keep it together, tried to convince your friends, convince yourself, that you had control over this. That you weren’t fazed about being assigned to a solo mission, that you were proud that management trusted you.

But Nanami’s presence breaks your composure, vulnerability showing through. “Why are you here?”

“Where else would I be?” he asks gently, patting your back. “I couldn’t focus in class, not after seeing your text. I’m sorry for not replying but I was basically catching trains all day to come see you.”

“You did that for me?” Your heart swells with love for him. 

“Of course. I just couldn’t…leave you alone, knowing you’re going on this mission by yourself. I had to see you.”

Silence falls between you both, listening to each other breathe. You wipe away your tears and take a steadying breath. Nanami hesitates, then asks, “Y/n, are you sure this is what you want to do? You graduate this year. You can leave all this behind.”

His words root themselves deeply in your mind and you find yourself considering it. Would it be possible to escape this? This unending cycle of fear for your life? “I don’t know. Everyone I know, everyone we know, is part of this. Could I just leave it all behind?”

“You can if you want to,” Nanami insists. “It’s hard, but trust me, it’s peaceful. I don’t want anything happening to you y/n. I’d never be able to forgive myself if I don’t give my best effort to get you away from here.” 

You know he means it, otherwise he wouldn’t have come all this way to see you. “You don’t have to make a decision now. We’ll talk about it after you get back from your mission.” He strokes your hair, reassuring you. 

“I will come back right?” There. You had asked the question that had been festering inside you all day. Nanami freezes when he hears you and his embrace tightens even more. 

“Of course you will. Why wouldn’t you?” He swallows, forcing himself to not think about any other answer to your question. After Haibara, he can’t take any more losses. He couldn’t lose you too. He’d break and probably never be made whole again. 

“I’m going to talk to Gojo. This will be your first and last solo mission.”

You wanted to protest but secretly, you’re relieved. “Would it work?”

“I can try. It’s reckless to send you without a partner.” He pulls away to frame your face in between his hands, heart breaking as he sees your look of apprehension. “Don’t worry. You will get back safely. I know your ability. You are a talented sorceress.”

Hearing his vote of confidence somehow carried more weight than management’s. “I really needed to hear that,” you say in a shaky voice. He embraces you again, gripping you so tightly it hurts but you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him to stop. 

“You’ll come back. We’ll dance together at your prom. You’ll graduate. And I’ll make sure you never have to face something like this alone again.” He says all the things he wishes for you, wishes for both of you because honestly, he can’t imagine a future without you anymore. The conviction with which he says his words fortify you, and you finally manage to pull yourself into a better headspace. 

You wish he could accompany you on this mission, but understand that management could turn this into a cascade of litigation. He had disappointed a lot of people when he had left the school, and you couldn’t risk him using his abilities since he had forfeited his privilege to use them when he had surrendered his rank and title as a sorcerer. 

He presses a chaste kiss on the top of your head. “I love you. Promise to come back safely to me.”

“I will. I promise.”

Nanami doesn’t sleep for the next few nights. Finally, after 4 days, he sees the text message from you. 

I’m back.

It was only then that he allowed himself to break down and cry, not with grief like when Haibara died, but with relief that you had made it.

all dividers+support banner by @/ cafekitsune Header image

If you don't wish to be tagged, please DM me, or if you only want to be tagged for certain posts, fill out the form here. I only tag for SFW posts atm.

[mycurrentobsessionstuff]

I am 37 years old and sometimes I get so sad about how long I waited with transitioning.

I didn’t get to be a teenage boy with emo hair on MySpace and feeling cool in my black T-shirt.

I didn’t get to live my young adult life growing from boy to man as I tried figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be.

I didn’t get to turn 30 and feeling like I was finding my footing and opening myself up to authentic friendships and even love.

Not because I didn’t know. I’ve known since I was 11 or 12. Probably earlier. But because I’ve been living 36/37 years in fear.

Now I’m slowly approaching 40 and I feel like I just need to immediately go from coming out to being a fully adult man.

So now I feel 17 and 21 and 29 and 37 all at once and I think I have to mentally go through those stages before I can confidently move towards my 40s as a grown man.

So much time and life has been stolen from me by fear and mental illness and burnout but I can’t go backwards so I’ll do my best to move forward and give myself a break as I mentally transition as well as physically and socially.

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that kids are definitely sure and let teens transition and start living their true lives.

Love you all! Don’t forget to eat something.

[andvys]

We'll burn the sky | part eleven

Warnings: 18+, mentions of smut, angst, mentions of substance abuse, mentions of death, mentions of cheating, mentions of reader smoking cigarettes

Pairings: Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Rockstar!fem!reader | Steve Harrington x fem!reader | past Eddie Munson x Chrissy Cunningham

Summary: Corroded Coffin plays at the hideout again, friends, family and.. enemies show up

Word count: 8k+

@mysticmunson thank you for your amazing ideas as always, bestie🥺

Series masterlist

inspo for the outfit reader was wearing

-

Eddie’s words and actions kept you up all night. His touch lingered, you could still feel his lips on your neck as your mind repeated his words. 

I’m yours, I’m all yours, I’ve been yours right from the start, you have my heart, sweetheart. You’re all I want.

You stared at him with a dumbfounded expression on your face as you searched for the dishonesty in his eyes, only to find none. He was saying the truth, he wasn’t lying, he never lied about his feelings for you. 

Despite the things he said to you before, despite the girl that he kept a secret from you for months, you believed him. You finally realized that he never pretended, you were never just a placeholder, he never used you for the band. Right then, he let you see inside his mind, all his walls crumbled and he let you see everything. 

And all you saw was a broken man who found love and comfort in you.

Yes, now you know that he never lied but now you are all the more scared. You already found out what it feels like to lose him, what it feels like to live without him, what it feels like to get your heart broken by Eddie Munson

What if you will truly lose him someday? 

What if he will leave you?

What if he will find someone better?��

What if he will get sick of you and abandon you the way everyone else did? 

All these what if’s run through your mind but the one that truly matters doesn’t. 

What if he stays? 

-

The hideout is bustling, loud music is playing in the crowded bar, laughter and loud voices are heard from every corner in the bar. Eddie looks around in awe. A look of pride is lingering on his face. 

Despite performing on big stages, in front of even larger crowds, in front of thousands of people, he can’t help but feel more excited than ever. This is where it all started. No longer is the place filled with emptiness, the place is filled with people, ones that came here just for the band. A lot of them, he doesn’t even recognize. 

But he finds the five drunks, still claiming their usual table, just like they did two years ago. He talked to them earlier, all of them giving Eddie pats on the back and telling him how proud they all are. 

He smiles to himself. 

Wayne is sitting at the bar with Steve and Robin, all three of them are seemingly in a deep conversation as they wait for their drinks. 

The teens are here too, sitting around a round table, he eyes Lucas who is the most excited one out of them. He chuckles to himself, knowing that he is only excited to see you. 

After setting everything up on the stage, Eddie walks to the small backstage room to get you. He raises his fist to knock on the door but it opens just before he can do so. 

He freezes and his jaw drops. You look good, you always do but tonight, you look insanely good. 

“Jesus H Christ,” he mumbles to himself. 

He lowers his hand and takes a step back, letting his eyes rake over your body. His cheek flush red and his eyes darken as he eyes your outfit, your exposed skin, your cleavage, your beautiful face, your hair that you no doubt spend the last hour on. 

His stomach flutters and suddenly he feels very hot. 

He whispers your name in shock. 

You blush at the way he is staring at you. Crossing your arms over your chest, he suddenly groans, eyes widening as he stares at your boobs in the little top that is laced together in the middle, exposing your skin and covering your boobs just enough.

“Like what you see, Eddie?” you ask teasingly. 

He just nods, still staring at all the leather covering your skin. 

“Y-You look so fuck… so hot,” he stutters. 

You can’t even help but chuckle. That’s the first thing he has said to you after last night, after he went inside before telling you, that he is willing to wait for you. 

You wish you could go back to the way things used to be but you can’t, the pain is still so fresh and all your fears have caught up to you ever since the night you found out about her. 

You can’t be vulnerable with him, at least not yet.

But maybe you can go back to the beginning. 

“Thanks,” you smirk, “Steve helped me pick out this outfit.” 

His eyes flash with jealousy and he has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. 

“You should’ve seen all the other outfits he made me try on, just for him.” 

He furrows his brows as his awestruck stare turns into an icy one.

“He also made me try on lingerie but that wasn’t very appropriate for the stage,” you shrug. 

“Stop that,” he mutters angrily. 

You raise your brows, smirking at him, “why?” 

“You know why.” 

You shake your head, jutting your lip out as you pretend to think, “no, I don’t.” 

He looks hot. He ditched the leather jacket he was wearing earlier, left in a muscle shirt that shows off his toned arms and tattoos. He is wearing dark pants with his trusted belt with the handcuffs. The rings you love so much and the highlight of his outfit tonight; the bandana around his head. 

You take a step towards him, giving him an innocent smile, “you look nice,” you whisper, running your hand down his arm, “I love the bandana, Eddie.” 

He looks a little speechless, as though he doesn’t understand why you are talking to him like this, why you are touching him and acting the way you used to before it all went to shit. 

The way you look at him and the way you touch him, reminds him of the way you used to do when you just met but something about you seems different now, perhaps it’s the intensity of your feelings or the pain you have gone through ever since then. 

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he whispers. 

You nod, giving him a small smile. 

“You ready for the show?” 

“So ready,” he sighs with a smile on his face, “wanna go out together?” he asks, holding his hand out for you. 

You look down at it, heart fluttering in your chest. 

You always go out hand in hand, it shouldn’t be anything new and yet something about it feels different. Perhaps it’s because you are in his hometown, about to perform in front of his friends and family and he isn’t hiding you or your relationship. 

You look back into his eyes, seeing the softness in them, it somehow makes your heart ache. 

You place your hand in his and he smiles at you. You expect him to lead you to the stage but instead he raises your hand, “give me a twirl, sweetheart,” he grins. 

“Really?” you snort, knowing that he only wants to see what the back of your outfit looks like. 

He nods. 

Shaking your head, you chuckle and give him a twirl, the groan that leaves his lips gives you satisfaction. 

His eyes almost bulge out of his skull when he looks at the way your ass looks in those tight leather pants, “holy fuck.” 

The sound of your giggle fills him with warmth. He never thought he would get to hear it again, at least not directed at him. 

He can’t explain the sudden change of your behavior towards him, yesterday you still gave him the cold shoulder, side glances and huffs of annoyance, today, things seem different. Perhaps, you finally decided to give him a second chance, maybe you believe him now, hopefully you do. 

Holding your hand makes him happy, though he can still feel the tension in your body and see the distance in your eyes. You don’t trust him and maybe you never will but he is happy to at least have you like this. He will take the teasing over the cold shoulder any day. 

When you walk out onto the stage, he intertwines his fingers with yours and gives your hand a squeeze. 

You smile at Gareth and Jeff, you haven’t seen them since your arrival in Hawkins, you can’t believe it but you missed them. 

You look up at Eddie, watching the way his eyes glow with happiness and excitement as the people cheer for him, for the band. He waves at some people he recognizes from school, ones that didn’t give him a hard time. 

He looks at Wayne, a proud smile lingers on his face as he claps for his nephew. 

He looks at his friends, eying every single one of them with a big smile on his face. 

Eddie couldn’t be more blessed to have such amazing people in his life. His uncle and his friends always supported him, they were always there, they were the ones to encourage him to live his dream, they were the ones who had faith in him and then you came along and you made his dream so much bigger. 

Despite the pain he caused you, you look up at him with a soft smile on your face, pride and love in your eyes, for a second you push it all away, the pain, the heartbreak, the sadness. You look at him. You see the emotions in his eyes, the gratitude. You are happy for him. 

You know that Eddie had a hard time growing up here. This town caused him so much pain and suffering. People treated him poorly, his father abandoned him, childhood friends turned on him, kids at school bullied him, his girlfriend broke his heart and stomped all over it. 

The man that stands in front of you is still a broken child on the inside and you can see it behind all the happiness in his eyes. 

You let go of his hand, taking a step back from him, you reach for the microphone. 

Eddie gives you a puzzled look but you don’t look at him, looking at the crowd instead as you wait for them to quiet down. 

“I love you, y/n!” Lucas yells and you can’t even help but laugh, especially when Max hits his chest with a laugh. You form a heart with your fingers at him, laughing again when he places his hand over his heart. 

Eddie chuckles at him, shaking his head. He is happy to see you getting along with his friends. 

“Hello Hawkins,” you finally speak into the microphone, “thank you for giving me such a warm welcome but first, let’s give the guys some love, let’s give the stars of Hawkins a round of applause!” you say as you look at your bandmates with a grin on your face, clapping for them. 

Gareth gets up from behind his drums and starts clapping for himself, giving the audience a cocky grin before he blows you a playful kiss. Johnny chuckles at his friend, shaking his head as he looks at the audience. 

Jeff rolls his eyes at his friend, unable to fight the smile off his face though. He looks at the large crowd, this has been the fullest the place has ever been. Corroded Coffin never had much of an audience except for the five drunks who are cheering for them like crazy now. Jeff waves at them, grinning. 

“These guys are one of the best people I know. I'm glad you all found each other and created the best band in the world. Eddie,” you pause as you turn back to him. 

His gaze softens as he looks into your eyes. His heart begins to race as you bring all the attention to him. 

“I hope you can see how loved you are,” you say, gesturing to the audience, to his friends and his uncle, “you are the most talented person I know, the best performer in the world. Thank you for letting me be a part of your dream. Now, let’s give it up for Eddie Munson, my favorite rockstar.” 

Eddie can’t even hear all the cheering, the applause and his friends cheering his name. His heart is thumping and the biggest smile is resting on his face as he looks at you, watching the way you clap for him too as you smile at him. 

He can’t even help himself, walking towards you, he grabs you, swooping you off your feet, he holds you tightly, he hears your squeal even over the cheers that just got even louder. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and hug him tightly, enjoying the moment you have been craving for so long. 

Both of you close your eyes for a moment, hearts racing and fluttering but feeling whole again as you finally hold each other again. 

He smells your perfume as your hair falls in his face. 

“Thank you,” he whispers into your ear, pressing a soft kiss to your cheek. 

“Go Eddie!” 

You both laugh at Lucas’s cheer. 

Eddie squeezes your waist as he places you back on your feet again, giving you a smile, he steps back and reaches for his microphone. 

“Thank you, guys,” he says as he looks into the audience, “we can’t start before welcoming my girl, my favorite rockstar, y/n was the one who made our band whole, she was the one who made our songs even better, the one who made it all better. Let’s give it up for the best rockstar of all time!” 

You blush at his words, watching the way he claps for you with the people. Smiling at him, you watch him get his guitar. 

While Eddie got to see your walls fall for a moment and he finally met your sweet and soft side again, he didn’t expect it to be over just as quickly as it came. The moment you started performing, you let the devil out. 

You were never shy on stage and you never had a problem being affectionate with him but today, you are different, so much more affectionate, intense and intimate. What may look like a normal performance to the audience, looks so much more intimate to Eddie. 

Your lust filled gazes, the mischievous looks in your eyes as you press yourself against him or run your fingers down his chest drives him crazy and it doesn’t even stop at that. 

As if he doesn’t already have a hard time controlling himself and his feelings, you end up getting on your knees, right in front of him. You lean back and arch your back, running your hand down your chest as you are singing your lungs out. 

Eddie’s eyes widen, he clenches his jaw as he stares at your body. You look sinful. 

Your hair is tousled, your skin is glowing, a satisfied look crosses your face as you rake your eyes down his body, winking at him before you move onto your knees, reaching your hand out to one of the girls in front of the stage, who takes it right away, eyes lighting up as she stares at you in awe. 

Eddie swallows harshly, fingers strumming the guitar as he leans forward to sing his part. He cannot tear his eyes away from you though, lingering on your ass now. God, the things he would do to you. 

He is grateful for his guitar, otherwise everyone would notice the tent in his black jeans. The thought of having to perform three more songs, seems like a torture to him and it truly ends up being torture. 

Your teasing never stopped, if anything you kept taking things further and further. 

He is enjoying himself but he does wonder what brought it on. 

When you raise your brows at him and tilt your head towards the entrance, he follows your eyes and finds her, Chrissy. Her arms are crossed and she stares at you with a scowl on her face, angry eyes flashing whenever you look her way. 

She is jealous of you, not because he loves you, not because he wants you but because you get the attention that she used to get. Chrissy never loved Eddie and thinking back to it, she knows they should have been nothing more than friends, perhaps things could have been better that way but it’s no use to ponder over what could’ve been. 

She doesn’t hate you but she hates that you were the reason for him to turn his back on her. Her anger only sparks when she looks at Jason who stands next to her with a smirk on his face as he eyes you with a hungry gaze in his eyes, the one that doesn’t go unnoticed by Eddie either as he finds him staring you down like some hungry animal. 

Eddie’s possessiveness gets the best of him and he ends up pulling you into his chest, leaning his forehead against yours as he grabs your microphone to sing with you. You smirk at him, licking your lips as his hand slides down to your lower back. 

You are his and he is yours and he wants everyone to know. 

-

After the concert, you and Eddie get pulled away by his and your new friends, they are still cheering you on, gushing about your performance. You smile as you watch Eddie being pulled into a hug by Dustin and his uncle. 

Wayne gives you a hug, patting your shoulder as he compliments your voice. Your heart warms at his words and the smile he gives you. You feel grateful for his kindness and you are very happy for Eddie to have someone as amazing as Wayne in his life. 

“Thank you so much,” you smile at him, “you must be so proud of Eddie.” 

He nods, “I am,” he chuckles as he glances at his nephew, “boy was always a troublemaker but I knew he was special.” 

“Yeah,” you smile, “he is very special.” 

The smile on Wayne’s face grows even bigger when he sees the way your eyes soften as you watch Eddie. 

“Hey Wayne, come here,” Eddie calls for him, “I gotta tell you something.” 

“Yeah, it’s super important,” Dustin chuckles. 

Wayne grabs his beer, excusing himself with a smile before he turns to Eddie. 

“Hey Rockstar,” Robin speaks into your ear as she comes up behind you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders, she pulls you back into her, “can I take you out on a date? Your performance did something to me.” 

You giggle at her words, turning to look at her with a smirk on your face, “sure, where are you taking me?” 

“My place,” she winks, flashing her pearly whites at you. 

You raise your brows at her, giggling, “let’s go,” you purr jokingly as you reach for her hand. 

“Whoa whoa,” Steve gasps as he interrupts your playful flirting, “why are you stealing her from me, Robin? Let me enjoy the groupie life for as long as I can,” he jokes, rolling his eyes. 

“Sorry, Stevie,” you pout, “I found my new groupie.” 

He clutches his heart, “ouch,” he mumbles, “and here I thought we had something special.” 

You slap his arm, laughing, “shut up.” 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Lucas and Max walking towards you. You turn towards them, smiling at the teens. Before stopping in front of you, Lucas already throws his hands up, eyes flashing with excitement, “you were so amazing!” he exclaims before he grabs Max’s hand again. 

“Yeah, you were so freaking cool,” Max smiles, “and I love your outfit, you look badass!” 

“You two are so sweet,” you say, smiling at the both of them, “thank you so much, guys.” 

Not only did you meet Steve and Robin, who quickly became some of your closest friends, you also met these two, their excitement whenever they see you makes you happy. Meeting them and the rest of the teens was one of your favorite parts about being coming to Hawkins, Eddie wasn’t lying when he told you about how amazing they all are. 

“You guys should totally come to LA when we’re back there,” you smile. 

“Oh my god,” Lucas mumbles, “we would love to, right?” he asks, grinning at Max. 

Her eyes widen, “duh, of course we would love to come to LA.” 

“Yeah, I would love that too,” Steve says, “but I still think that you should hire me as your stylist.” 

Max and Robin laugh at his words, “you?” 

You chuckle at the offended look on his face when he watches them eye him up and down, “uh yes, me,” he rolls his eyes, “who did you think went shopping with her?” he says, pointing to your outfit. 

“Yeah, Steve actually gives some pretty good fashion advice.” 

“Thank you,” he nods at you with a smile on his face. 

You turn around when you feel someone staring at you. He is standing by the pool table, a cocky look on his face as he eyes you up and down, next to him no other than Chrissy causing your smile to fall. 

You know who he is; Jason Carver. Blue eyes, blond hair, the mean look in his eyes and the expensive clothes are enough to give away his identity but then again, there must be ten Jason Carver’s in this town. Still, he stands out in the crowd, well, him and Chrissy stand out with their bright and fancy clothes, the disgusted looks on each of their faces as they look at the people around them. 

A sudden surge of anger runs through you, he is the one who made Eddie’s life a living hell, both of them. 

Your anger only intensifies when your eyes fall on Eddie, who is talking to a girl now. A bright smile is on his face, eyes flashing as he nods at whatever she is saying. 

Your heart drops, a weird feeling settles in your chest as you eye them. 

She is beautiful, short dark waves frame her face perfectly, her tanned skin looks soft under the dim light, she has tattoos on her right arm, ones that Eddie is touching now. 

Oh god, what is that feeling in your chest and in your stomach? 

He leans closer to her and it’s almost enough for you to leave, not wanting to see this. It was bad enough to find out about Chrissy, to see her kiss him, to see them hold hands but somehow this is worse. 

Suddenly, his eyes meet yours, a surprised look takes over his face when he sees you staring at him with a sour expression. He winks at you, he fucking winks at you before he goes back to the conversation. 

What the fuck? 

She raises her hand towards his face, touching his curls. Irritation and anger bubbles inside of you and you can’t even stop the curse word from falling. You want nothing more than to rip her hands off of him and drag him away. 

But he is letting her touch him and he even finds enjoyment in it, especially when his eyes find yours. 

Eddie has never done anything like this before. Sure he talked to his fans, girls that wanted to be his groupies so bad but Eddie never showed interest in them like that, he never even let them get too close, the conversations were polite, about the band or other interests he might share with them and that’s all. He never gave you a reason to feel jealous, you couldn’t even feel true jealousy when it came to Chrissy but right now, you have that ugly feeling in your chest and it makes you realize that you don’t want to see him with another girl. 

You down the drink that Steve ordered for you a while ago before you walk away from him and Robin, ignoring their confused glances as you walk towards Eddie. You push past a few people, giving them polite smiles. 

“No, it looks good but I still think that you should cut your hair.” You hear her say, you want to roll your eyes and scoff. 

Eddie’s eyes fall on you, his eyes light up. 

“I think his hair looks amazing like this,” you swoop in, stopping next to Eddie, you look at her with a smile on your face.

Her eyes widen as they lock with yours, her lips part in surprise and she blinks for a few seconds before she opens her mouth to speak, “o-oh my god, hi,” she stutters, “I’m such a big fan, y-you’re amazing and you look amazing,” she says as she takes a step back to look at you, “I’m Tara.” 

“Thanks,” you say, giving her a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes and that’s something that Eddie notices right away, he also notices the anger in your eyes and the jealousy. 

The girl doesn’t notice anything though, her eyes are wide, staring at you in shock as though she didn’t just see you singing on stage. 

Her giddiness would have been cute if you weren’t so distracted by the awful feelings inside of you. 

“Tara was just telling me that my hair would look better if it was shorter,” Eddie says, looking down at you with a smirk. 

You are jealous and that is something that fills him with excitement, not because he wants you to feel that way, you absolutely have no reason to feel that way but because this proves to him that you still want him, that you still have feelings for him, that you don’t want to see him with someone else because he belongs with you. 

You shake your head, stepping closer to Eddie, “no, I love your hair like this.” 

He notices the aggression behind your voice, the possessiveness in your eyes. It makes him crave you even more, it makes him want to kiss you right here, in front of all these people so he can show you that he only wants you, that he is all yours. 

Eddie notices the way Tara is staring at you and it makes the situation all the more amusing. 

He continues his conversation with her, fighting the smug look on his face, especially when you keep glaring daggers into him. You can hear your thoughts, you are mad, downright pissed, especially when she reaches out to touch his arm again. 

“I always wanted to get a bat tattoo.” 

“Oh, you should totally get one, it would look cool on you.” 

You squint your eyes and Eddie almost bursts into laughter. Your jealousy is something so unnecessary but it gives him hope. 

You still want him. 

And he would be lying to himself if he said that your possessiveness isn’t hot, especially when you finally have enough and drag him away from the girl after coming up with some lame excuse. Eddie can’t even contain the smile on his face. Your hand is holding onto his as you pull him into the backstage room, not wasting a second to slam him against the wall after closing the door. 

He almost moans at your action, especially when you press yourself against him. 

“What the hell was that, Eddie?” 

“What was what?” he smirks. 

The angry pout on your face makes you look both cute and sexy.

“Why were you flirting with her?” 

“I wasn’t–”

“I thought you said that you’re mine, that you belong to me,” you mumble, tilting your head as you look up at him with a frown on your face. 

He stares into your eyes and at your lips, “but you said that you don’t want me anymore,” he mumbles. 

You blink, sighing, you lean even closer to him. 

“You are mine, Eddie.” 

The hopeful and longing feeling has never been stronger than in this moment, especially when you stand on your tippy toes, brushing his long curls back, you latch your lips onto his neck the way he did to you the night at the roller rink. 

His eyes flutter closed and a sigh leaves his lips, butterflies going crazy in his stomach as you begin to kiss his neck. His hands fall to your waist, grabbing you tightly and pulling you flush against him. 

Out of all the things that he expected to happen tonight, this isn’t what he expected but god, does he love it. 

“I didn’t like the way she was touching you,” you mumble against his skin. 

He can’t even help but smirk, you are so clueless. 

He moans when you find his sweet spot, kissing and sucking on his skin, you mark him up, wanting to show everyone who he belongs to and he will wear those marks proudly. He enjoys himself and the things you say to him as you continue to kiss him.

So long he has gone without your touch. Sleepless nights and restless days haunted him ever since the night he lost you. He has been thinking of you day and night, craving your touch and longing to feel you in his arms, to feel your lips on his skin, to feel your love. 

He whimpers your name and you almost grow weak in the knees at the sound. 

“Baby,” he whispers, running his hands up and down your back now, a smug smile making it’s way on his face, “as much as I love this, you gotta know something.” 

“What?” you mumble as you pull away to face him. 

“She was more into you than me,” he smirks, hands gripping your waist tighter so you don’t walk away. 

He watches the way your brows furrow and he chuckles, “she’s like super gay, sweetheart.” 

Your puffy lips part and realization flashes in your eyes, “oh,” you whisper as you start blushing, suddenly drawing back as you grow embarrassed and annoyed, “why didn’t you tell me?” you mumble angrily, slapping his arm lightly. 

He bursts into laughter. 

Rolling your eyes, you push his hands off of you, suddenly feeling like escaping the situation but Eddie has different plans, he grabs your hand and pulls you back, this time he slams you against the wall though, pinning both wrists against the wall. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” 

He leans down, copying your actions, he moves your hair back and latches his lips onto your neck, kissing the spots above the hickey he gave you. 

“Eddie–”

“You know, I’m flattered,” he whispers as he kisses down your neck until his lips are right beneath your collarbone, sucking on your skin, he leaves more visible hickeys, “I’m glad to know that you still want me.” 

You whimper at his touches, throwing your head back against the wall, you let him touch you and kiss you again, even though everything in you screams at you to push him away. 

The cold metal of his rings sends shivers down your spine as he runs his hands down your back, you mewl at the feeling of his hands squeezing your ass. 

“I’ve wanted to do this ever since I’ve seen your ass in these pants,” he groans against your skin, “you’re so fucking sexy, baby.”

He shoves his leg between your thighs, pressing it against your center. 

“Eddie,” you moan, “s-stop.” 

“I’m yours, you already know that, sweetheart,” he whispers, “but I hope you know that you are mine, you’re not Steve’s or anyone else’s, you’re mine.” 

“Am I?” you ask, whimpering when you feel him against your stomach. 

“Mhmm, you are mine,” he says, pulling away from your chest, he stares at the marks he left behind in satisfaction before he faces you again, smirking at the lust filled eyes. Wrapping his hand around your throat, he stares at your lips. The urge to kiss you is so bad but he doesn’t, he leans in though, staring at your eyes and the way they widen when he gets closer to you. He hears the hitch in your breath and the way you tense up slightly. 

His lips touch the corner of your mouth, placing an ever soft kiss there. 

“I know you still want me.” 

You look into his eyes. To someone else, he would look smug and arrogant and yes, he does but there is also softness in his eyes and hope. 

“I know you miss me.” 

Yes, you do. 

“I miss you,” he whispers, “I miss being with you, I miss having you in my arms, I miss kissing you,” he says as he places another kiss to the corner of your mouth, “I miss hearing those pretty sounds you make when I touch you.” 

No, no, no….

His words and his touches make you feel dizzy, you want to throw yourself at him, you want to kiss him, you want him to take you. 

You can’t even help but stare at his lips and lean in a little. You want him so bad, you want him to kiss you until you're breathless, you miss him, you miss the feeling of him too. 

Just as you’re about to say ‘fuck it’ and smash your lips against his, something that definitely doesn’t go unnoticed by him, he pulls away, letting go of you and taking a few steps back, a smirk appearing on his face when he sees the irritated and confused look on your face. 

“But you wanted me to stay away from you, so I’ll do that.” 

Is he serious? 

“If you want me to stay, just say so.” 

But of course you won’t tell him to stay, not only are you confused and irritated, you are also really stubborn. 

Rolling your eyes, you scoff, shoulders slumping as you lean back against the wall. 

Eddie chuckles, “you know where to find me,” he says before leaving the room, slamming the door shut and leaving you standing there. 

He walks back into the crowded room, the smug look still lingering on his face. He finds Steve and Robin hanging out with Jeff and Gareth, he orders himself a drink before he joins them, all of them in the middle of a heated conversation about what Christmas movie is the best. Eddie doesn’t listen to them though, instead he keeps his eyes on the door in the dark hallway, waiting for you to come out of the room and when you do, he is not met with the expression he expected. 

You look annoyed and frustrated as you push past a few people, coat in your hand as you make your way towards the entrance, you left your handbag behind but he can see the pack of cigarettes in your hand. He follows you with his eyes, chuckling when you turn around to look at him, your brattiness comes out when you roll your eyes at him again. 

He drinks his beer, waving at you, he laughs when he sees you mumbling something under your breath before you walk out. 

Placing the bottle on the table, he gets up to follow you but before he can even take a step towards the door, Wayne calls his name, waving him over to his friends, “come here, boy.” 

Steve raises his head to look at Eddie, watching him leave when his eyes fall on Chrissy who rushes out of the bar, moments after you.

-

The fresh air cools you down a little. The cold kissing your warm cheeks. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath before you place the cigarette between your lips, a stupid habit you developed over the past few months. You don’t always smoke and probably go through only one or two packs a month. 

Rummaging through your pocket, you look for the lighter, groaning in annoyance when you find none, you don’t pay mind to the door closing or the footsteps on the snowy ground, too busy hoping to find your trusted lighter in the other pocket. 

“Hey.” 

You freeze, the sound of her voice causing you to tense up. Taking the cigarette between your thumb and forefinger, you pull it away and turn to face her. 

“Chrissy..” 

Her brows are raised, a false smile on her face as she looks you up and down. 

“Can I help you?” 

She shrugs, smiling at you as her eyes meet yours. 

She looks sweet, she sounds sweet, her smile is pretty, overall she looks like a pretty and kind girl but you can see right through her, though you can see how she was able to fool Eddie. 

“I just wanna warn you.” 

You can’t even help but chuckle at her words, at the faked concern in her eyes. 

“Oh, about what?” 

“About Eddie,” she says, taking a step towards you, “he is not who you think he is. You know, sweet and loyal– but you know that already, I mean, he cheated on me with you so..” 

You frown at her words, wanting to defend him but you opt to hear her out first, curious about the things she has to say. 

“Eddie may seem like a good guy–”

“He is a good guy,” you say, interrupting her. 

She huffs a little but the polite look on her face remains. 

“Is he? He cheated and he lied to both of us.”

Your eyes dart away from her, a sigh leaving your lips as you cross your arms over your chest. 

“How long has he kept me a secret, y/n?” she asks, walking even closer to you, “all this time, right?” 

Your clenched jaw and the annoyed look in your eyes gives her the answer that she’s waiting for. 

“He never told you anything about me because he knew that you wouldn’t want him if he did,” she shrugs, “he used you.” 

“Did he?” you ask, eyes meeting her’s again. 

She nods, “yeah, I mean why else would he want you to join the band?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug, dropping your arms, you smile at her, “you tell me, he was your boyfriend.” 

She squints her eyes and tilts her head. 

“He knew who you were, he knew who your dad was. I mean, did you really believe him when he told you that he didn’t know you? His uncle loves your dad’s music and as far as I remember, you were in magazines before you even joined the band, so do you really think that Eddie hasn’t seen you before?” 

Her words cut deep but you don’t show it, the amused smile on your face irritates her and you can see it as the nice girl facade begins to crumble. 

You swallow harshly, blinking as you stare into her cold eyes. You would be lying if you said that her words didn’t make your stomach drop a little. 

She is getting under your skin and she knows it. 

“Eddie called me after he met you, he told me how he hit the ‘jackpot’,” she chuckles in satisfaction, “he knew that he would finally get what he always wanted with you by his side.” 

When Steve told you about her, he didn’t leave out her special ability to lie and yet, you easily believe her, not because you would ever trust her but because those things lingered in the back of your mind ever since that night in Cincinnati. 

“And look, he did get it all. The album, the fame, the tour, the money and that’s all thanks to you. He needed you. I mean thanks to you, he isn’t some useless freak anymore.” 

Your breathing quickens, heart racing in your chest as you stare at her. 

“You are pretty, y/n,” she smiles, “and your dad is– I’m sorry, was famous, that’s why people like you so much, that’s why he likes you so much but Eddie rarely ever sticks to one girl as you can tell. He will grow sick of you and once that happens, he will run the way he always does.” 

‘Don’t believe her, believe him’ you tell yourself, you know what she is trying to do. She is trying to manipulate her, the way she manipulated him before. 

You push the pain away, the insecurities and the doubt. 

You think about the things Steve told you about Chrissy, about Eddie and her, about their relationship. How she lied to him, how she treated him, how she cheated and manipulated him all these years. 

Anger rushes through you, she sabotaged her own relationship and now she is trying to sabotage you and Eddie. 

“You know what, Chrissy?” 

She tilts her head, giving you another one of her sweet smiles. 

Neither of you notice the person walking out of the bar, both too focused on each other. 

“Eddie is the sweetest person I know, the best person I’ve ever met and yeah, what he did wasn’t right and I won’t excuse that but he should’ve left your sorry ass a long time ago. You never deserved him. He is way too good for you, he was always way too good for you. You used him, you manipulated him, you treated him like shit and cheated on him and now you’re standing here in front of me and have the nerve to act like the victim? You’re an awful person, Chrissy. If you would’ve treated him right, he would’ve never done this to you, he wouldn’t leave, he wouldn’t lie and he certainly wouldn’t cheat. This is all on you, ” you say angrily, shaking your head at her, “You’re a fucking idiot, Chrissy.” 

Her lips part and she stares at you in both shock and anger. 

“I’m an idiot?” she scoffs, pointing to herself. 

“Yeah,” you nod, “I know he gave everything he could, his love, his heart, I mean he wrote songs for you, you don’t just write them about anyone, he loved you and you broke his heart.” 

You search for the guilt and the regret in her eyes and maybe there is some, somewhere behind all the anger. 

“He was always happy with me.” 

You can’t even stop the laugh from escaping. Shaking your head, you look behind her, finally noticing Steve, who looks between the two of you with a concerned look on his face. 

“Oh, is that so?” you ask, looking back at her, “then why did he leave?” 

Your words irritate her and you can see it clearly, it only makes you want to throw more fuel into the fire. 

“If he was so happy with you, why did he run away from you?” 

She frowns and crosses her arms, huffing as she looks away. 

“If he was so happy with you, then why was he so desperate for me? Why did he feel the need to come crawling into my bed?” 

She clenches her jaw, she is bouncing her leg, cheeks growing red from the anger. 

“Chrissy?” 

Three pairs of eyes land on the blond man as he steps out into the cold as well. He furrows his brows as he finds Steve standing by the door, he sizes him up before he turns to look at her, eyes moving between the two of you. 

“Everything okay?” he mumbles, walking towards her. 

“Yeah,” she whispers, her big eyes and pouty lips making her look vulnerable. She steps towards him, taking his hand. 

You roll your eyes, scoffing at the innocent act of hers. Stepping away from her, you make your way towards Steve. 

“Did you know that Eddie used to sell drugs?” 

You halt in your tracks, eying Steve for a moment, he shakes his head at you, begging with his eyes to ignore her words but you still whirled back around. 

Chrissy stares at you with a look in her eyes that you should probably be scared of.

You shrug, “yeah, so?”

“He also sold heroin and cocaine.” 

Your mouth twists and shivers run down your spine, you know exactly where this is going. 

“Did you know that he uses it too?” she asks, tilting her head, “go to his trailer right now, you’ll find some.” 

No… 

“He used to snort cocaine like every night.” 

“Chrissy,” Steve warns. 

“Do you really wanna be with someone like that? Someone like your dad?”

Your blood runs cold, you freeze and your eyes widen as you stare at her in confusion. 

“You really loved your dad, didn’t you?” she asks, pouting, “it must have been so hard for you to find him dead on the bathroom floor with that disgusting needle sticking in his skin.”

All color drained out of your face the moment those words left her lips, angry tears well up in your eyes. 

“That’s enough,” you hear Steve say as he walks towards you, he looks at you in concern, seeing the angry and pained look in your eyes, “let’s go, y/n,” he whispers, placing his hand on your shoulder but you don’t move, you hold your chin up high and raise your brows, urging her to continue. 

“You will find Eddie just like you found him. Are you gonna survive that a second time?"

Steve could see the way her words hit you. He doesn’t know whether you want to scream or to cry but it breaks his heart to see you like this. 

“Leave her alone, Chrissy,” Jason mumbles, rolling his eyes as he tugs at her hand, “let them ruin each other, that trailer trash finally found himself a princess.” 

She chuckles at his words. 

“Dude,” Steve warns, glaring at the former jock, “shut the hell up.” 

“You wanna say something to me, King Steve?” he says mockingly, “you think I’m scared of you?” 

“You should be,” you mutter, pushing away all the shock and pain, “your little girlfriend over here has been trying to fuck him for the past two years, all he has to do is whistle and she’ll come running like a dog.” 

Chrissy gasps at your words but he only frowns at you. 

Steve snorts but covers it up with a cough. 

“You’re Jason, right?” you ask, walking towards the blond. 

“Yeah.” 

“Why don’t you take your girlfriend and get the fuck out of here, you clearly don’t belong here,” you mutter angrily as you step closer to him, eyeing his white button down beneath the black coat,  “this isn’t some concert sponsored by your shitty church.” 

He grins at you, irritating you further. 

“Oh yeah, I just wanted to see what that freak made out of his life, didn’t think he would ever make it out of the trash park, I think he fit in there pretty well. That piece of garbage–” 

Your fist meets his face before he can even finish his sentence.

“Fucking asshole.”

He grunts in pain as he stumbles back, Chrissy shrieks as she rushes to his side, “Jason!” 

He pushes her hand away, holding his hand in front of his eye, “you crazy bitch!” 

Another fist meets his face but this time it isn’t yours, it’s Eddie’s.

If it wasn’t for Chrissy holding him up, he would’ve dropped to the ground. He clutches his nose, grunting and groaning in pain. 

“You wanna say that again, Carver?”

Your heart begins to pound in your chest as you look at Eddie, who stares at the blond in anger. Jason pushes Chrissy away about to move towards Eddie. 

Steve grabs your waist and pulls you back, knowing that you will jump in front of Eddie, “that’s enough, troublemaker,” he mumbles as he holds you against him. 

Chrissy jumps in between both men, placing her hands on Jason’s chest, “Jason, stop! Let’s just go, you’re bleeding already!” 

He tries to push her away but she doesn’t budge, “please.” 

“Yeah, listen to your girlfriend, Jason,” Eddie spits.

The tension is high and the anger is all around you as you all stare each other down. 

“Get the fuck out of here!” Eddie yells at him. 

Jason scoffs, “fucking prick,” he mumbles. 

Chrissy looks back to you, intense and angry eyes staring at you. 

“You’re gonna regret that.” 

“Just fuck off, Chrissy,” you mumble. 

She rolls her eyes, scoffing at you and Eddie before she leaves with Jason. 

“Jesus,” Steve mumbles, finally letting go of you, “are you okay?” he asks with a soft tone in his voice. 

Eddie turns to you as well, rushing towards you, his concerned eyes are the first thing you see when you look at his face, he grabs your hand, checking your knuckles for any injuries but you pull your hand away and look down, “I’m fine.” 

You take a deep breath and close your eyes, the moment you feel yourself relaxing. Your tears come back, threatening to spill. 

Steve whispers your name, still staring down at you in worry. What Chrissy said about your dad was true, he saw it in your eyes when she said it. 

“W-What happened?” Eddie asks as he looks between you and him. 

Steve avoids his eyes, not knowing what to say. 

Your breathing quickens, eyes burning as you open them. 

How does she know? 

“C-Can someone take me home, please?” you asked brokenly. 

Both men stare at you in concern and sadness, wanting nothing more than to pull you into a hug. 

Eddie glances at Steve who gives him a sad smile and a look that tells him; she needs you now. 

“I’ll walk you home, sweetheart,” Eddie whispers. 

“Do you want me to drive you?” 

Eddie shakes his head, “no, it’s fine, the motel isn’t that far away.” 

“Yeah,” you say, raising your head to look at Steve, you try to give him a smile, “see you tomorrow?” 

He nods, taking your hand, he squeezes it softly, “yeah, call me later if you need me, okay?” 

Your gaze softens, squeezing his hand back, you smile, “okay, good night, Stevie.” 

“Good night, y/n,” he whispers, pulling you closer, he kisses the top of your head, “I’m sorry about what happened.” 

“It’s okay, I’ll be okay.” 

Your words worry Eddie even more, he frowns, heart aching in his chest when he sees the glint of sadness in your eyes. He reaches for your hand after you pull away from Steve. 

The first five minutes of your walk are spent in silence. You don’t speak up and neither does he, despite the concern and the anger he still feels as he thinks of Chrissy and Jason. 

You sniffle, trying to keep the tears from spilling. You look ahead, watching the snow fall, painting everything even whiter than before. The cold wind is harsh and it only makes your tears well up even more. 

A hollow feeling settles inside of you. 

Images of your dad laying dead on the bathroom floor are back in your mind, images you always try to push out, you don’t want to think about it, you hate thinking about it. 

You feel nauseous and scared when you think of Eddie being in his place. 

Was she telling you the truth? 

Eddie never gave any signs that he was using drugs. He never wiped his nose after leaving the bathroom, he never sneaked away, his pupils looked normal, his skin was clean, his behavior was normal and yet, her words left you feeling sick and anxious. 

You can’t do this. 

You can’t lose him. 

You can’t go through this again. 

“I can’t do this.” 

You stop walking and let go of his hand. Eddie halts in his tracks, looking down at your hand before he glances at you, “w-what?”

Your bottom lip quivers. You don’t look up at him, you can’t. 

“I can’t do this again,” you mumble.

Your hands are shaking, not from the cold but from the fear. His heart breaks all over when he sees how broken and scared you look. Rushing towards you, he cups your cheeks, “what are you talking about?” he whispers as he tries to get you to look into his eyes. 

“I can’t stay in the band.” 

His stomach drops, eyes flashing with fear, “what?” 

Tears brimmed your eyes as you finally looked up at him, “are you using drugs?” 

You search for the truth in his eyes but you only find shock and confusion. 

“I– what?” 

-

tagging mutuals and friends! @prettyboyeddiemunson @littledemondani @wroteclassicaly @corrodedcorpses @mysticmunson @aftermidnightwriting @imjuststeddietrashatthispoint @sherrylyn628 @yearwalker96

[anonymousauthorsblog]

Turning Passions

chapter 3 • smile for the camera!!

lowercase intended

*there is writing sections in this chapter!”

symphonia IX - current joys

•.•.•.••.•.••.•.•.•.••.•.••.•.•.•.••.•.•.••.•.•.••.•.•.•

y/n pov..

y/n glances over her phone one more time to see the tweet toge reposted while maki is spamming her phone asking when’s she’s coming home and if she can relieve her from the torture that toge is forcing her to do. as maki would be entering the stream with him that night. she shuts off her phone before shoving it in her dance bag. y/n gets up and enters the dance room where her class is supposed to be. it’s always been routine for y/n to show up 20 minutes earlier before class to get extra practice in to make sure her ballet is on peak, before presenting herself to any dance teacher. this has been a routine for her since she was a young teen in determination to stay on top of her class and to push herself to become more flexible, more precise and overall perfect. But as she walks in she sees students already doing the same thing, many students at the barre, others practicing turns and overall dancers becoming better than her. she quickly finds her a spot at the barre a little more further from everyone with her head facing down so others don’t see the panic rising up. y/n realizes that this dance class isn’t normal from the ones she used to call home, she trembles as she lifts up into a relevè her feet getting shot with the same pain as usual- she sits in that position until it wears off. y/n suddenly understands the situation- in this class everyone is fighting to be the best, she continues the stretches until the teacher walks in, everyone then runs into a line waiting for instruction. y/n quickly follows behind standing in first position waiting to hear from the dance instructor. “welcome to NYSSU academy, you made it in first into the school and now into the dance program. i would say congratulations but the hard part starts now” boomed the small older mature lady walking pass the dancers, judging as they stand tall in perfection. the teacher continues welcoming in a younger looking coach around her twenties “this is my co teacher” don’t be mistaken she isn’t here to play around. the lady continues in a large demanding tone. “your practices are always a test, always be on your best performance- nothing will go unnoticed. But if you’re wondering what your actually graded on in this class is performances. we have big 3 events and one mini in the middle of the year, be prepared because each day is a drill to see if you can make it onto the stage”. hearing those words send chills across y/ns skin as she keeps her head forward, but her eyes are drawn to the teachers movement. y/n isn’t usually afraid of any teachers tone, words or actions- living and growing in the world of dance she’s already used to these types of teachers, even harsher. Instead she takes these as a challenge because how can you succeed without a little push? The teacher words continue- “our first performance this fall, we will be doing the swan lake, make today our first rehearsal. more information on parts and lead rolls will be announced later, but for now let’s start our class, as this is the closest thing you’ll get to a professional taste in the real cold world. I expected you guys already to be stretched and ready?” she asked, many replied with a small yes while others nodded their heads. “perfect she replied okay everyone on the barre.” Practice continues on with additional leaps, pointe work then finally turns- something that y/n excelled in. the teacher groups each student in a group of four before calling each group to do a sequence of turns the last step holding into multiple pirouettes as they can. y/n is confident and collected as the first group goes on- then finally her group is called. she enters the stage, then the teacher calls the counts “alright, 1, 2 3…” y/n tunes her out hitting each step until it’s time to hold the turns. she hits and hits for what seems forever trying to calm down as she assumes that the other 3 members are done. Until from the blink of an eye one person is still standing. it’s a competition in her mind, she turns and turns matching the pace of the other dancer, 5 turns done and the other girl isn’t giving up.

y/n is getting tired, she messed up by putting most of her stamina in the beginning portion making it harder to hit these turns clean. she tries to fight for dominance until the teacher slams on the wall “stop!” she yelled out, “what’s your names?” y/n, l/n maam” “kai, everdeen” the two dancers say. the teacher looks them up and down before saying in a loud demanding tone, “if you’re going to do turns like that for a long period of time, make sure you technique is on point” the teacher dismisses them away, then ends the class altogether. she speaks loudly “that was good for today, but you guys need to step up your game because what I saw today was a disaster waiting to happen, goodbye” with that, the words brought y/n back to reality. she feels her throat closes up realizing with this competition with her peer that in this class, makes her realize that she’s just an ordinary dancer in this world, nothing sticks out making her great or special. y/n feels flush and embarrassed getting called out in the class as she makes it through to the dressing room taking off her point shoes, tossing them in her bag. she quickly puts on her boots and makes her way out towards the door to leave. she runs out feeling her breath quicken, she doesn’t understand, she was supposed to be the best- she grows frustrated. to anyone else this simple call out and for how long the turns were going for it would be a simple okay, but to y/n this proved that she was getting farther towards sheer overall goal. scaring her that all this work and years she put in this sport was for nothing. she leaves and makes her way to her dorm, still fully dressed in ballet clothing, the difference is the strain of dance coming for her mentally and physically.

3rd person pov

Toge and Maki settle down in his room as he launches the discord call. “Yooooo Yujiii” he exclaims. “HEYYY TOG- who’s that” yuji replies. “oh that’s maki, she’s my friend/roomate and she’s going to join the stream if that’s okay” toge explains. “alright that’s cool, we’re just waiting on nobara and megumi and the we can start.” Not even a minute later both megumi and nobara join on and everyone introduces themselves again. After all the introductions and testing each camera and mic are finished, it’s showtime. toge and maki play on split screen, interacting with the fans and instantly clicking with the trio on the other line of the call. they play for thirty minutes and on the line of maki and toge they hear a knock. “Y/N finally”, maki sighs as she gets up waving bye to the stream, she walks up to y/n. when y/n finally looks up to maki she puts on a soft smile. “everything okay?” maki ask, “yeah!” y/n replies a little too fast for comfort, “okay, how was danc-.” maki is cut off by y/n yelling “oh toge your on stream??” he turns around from his desk and happy greets her “y/nnnnnnn welcome home come say hi. “hey everyone!!” she waves towards the computer screen, “smile for the camera!!” toge tells her. She smiles and starts looking at toge screen. maki grows suspicious but lets it be not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of a livestream. Behind the camera on Megumis side he widens his eyes, he scoffs recognizing the same person who ran in late to his statistics class. He then slightly curses at himself for making an expression over someone thats just in the same class as him. then panic overfills his head as someone who’s known for being expressionless and not very expressive just made a face for a random girl who popped on his screen. he tries to continue on, trying to cover up his mistake and focus on the game he’s playing on his computer. yuji suddenly pops up and yells “HI Y/NNN IM YUJII” nobara pops up as well introducing herself making it known that she will become friends with her. toge then pats the chair that once accompanied maki and asked her to join the stream, even though y/n is exhausted she agrees hoping it would take her mind on things. the stream continues on with nobara and y/n tag teaming toge, yuji and megumi each team destroying each others plots and taking each others treasured things. with almost an hour and half passing the stream ends with each player saying its farewells. Yuji bounces off his desk running into megumis room jumping off the walls. “that was fun megumi, megumi was that fun??” megumi looks up with an annoyed tone remembering about the homework he put off for this task. “yeah” he whispered. “i guess”.

megumis pov 3rd person

megumi found himself staring straight into his homework, he was assigned to direct an advertisement for his own made up brand due at the end of the week, assigned in class that day. he slams his fist down not being able to think of anything besides the problem he’s in with the world. after the stream he gained a lot of popularity finally making it to the 10 thousand club of followers. he groans as he starts to get stressed, streaming and posting on the internet was something he did for fun with the peer pressure of his childhood friend- he never thought it would grow to this level of popularity. every time he opens his phone now it’s a reminder of that new fame he has with new demand. with doing the math and thinking, he applies that in order to continue this support for his channel for not only himself but his friends, that means he has to upload a lot more. meaning more unwanted fame and more workload. megumi never really minded playing and uploaded as he thought it was fun and something to do in his free time, but now he’s rethinking his future and his channel completely. he grazes down to see the new “fan edits and ship names” created by his delusional fan base. this ship annoyed him a bit based on the sole fact that she’s in arm reach to him and she definitely knows about this new ship. he gets embarrassed because he has no idea who she is and where she came from. but after this scandal on the internet, she’s been in his mind the whole night. megumi groans frustrated as he turns away from his chair to settle down for bed, he doesn’t understand the complexity of the internet but he knows he’s becoming the middle of it. with many thoughts rushing in and out of his head he finally flips over to finally release the now throbbing headache he has, he falls asleep waiting for the troubles to attend to tomorrow.

Authors note: chapter 3…. a little angsty this chapter but MEGUMI AND Y/N FINALLY MET!!! in this chapter y/n took us along on her first day of dance… i don’t think she expected it to go like that tho… ANYYYYWAYYS i hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter and let’s see how the relationship develops. like always see you next chapter <3

fun facts:

• the gc was being a bit dramatic when they said his eyes “lit up” when he saw her, but at the same time it’s RARE for megumi to show any emotion on his face… maybe he saw something he liked….

• growing up y/n did many styles of dance her favorite being ballet because of how strict and demanding it is.

• nobara got pretty close to maki and y/n (new friendship #girlpower???

• megumi gets irritated when people on the internet ship him with other creators based on the fact that he doesn’t know them at all. making him a little uncomfortable

[drewstarkeyupd]

Queer Makes Drew Starkey a Movie Star. Its Impact on Him Was Even More Profound

The Outer Banks star redefines himself as Daniel Craig’s enigmatic lover. Over lunch with Vanity Fair, he calls the role “a wake-up call for me.”

By David Canfield

September 13, 2024

media.vanityfair.com

Photo by Greg Williams

“This is my breakfast,” Drew Starkey proclaims as a plate of medium-rare steak and potatoes gets placed in front of him, a near-empty cup of black coffee to its side. He woke up at noon, coming off of a late-night screening of his new movie Queer, for his final day in Toronto. It’s the last meal the 30-year-old star will have before he flies home, taking a pause from the glamorous fall-festival circuit. He’s just walked the same Venice red carpet as Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman; he’s newly swept up into the A24 family. Things are moving fast. As he searches for a fork, it’s natural to wonder how he’s taking it all in.

The answer to that is hardly simple, in part because Starkey’s been on a journey of introspection since he was cast in Queer well over a year ago. An adaptation of William S. Burroughs’s semi-autobiographical 1985 novel, the film directed by Luca Guadagnino takes an elliptical approach to the story of a slippery romance between two men in mid-century Mexico City. Lee (Daniel Craig) becomes infatuated with a beautiful, enigmatic younger man named Allerton (Starkey), whose sexual proclivities prove maddeningly difficult to read. They become intimate—as captured by Guadagnino in explicit, passionate detail—and eventually travel both around South America and into the depths of their own subconscious (via a trippy ayahuasca sequence). One piece of dialogue, spoken at different points by both of them, haunts their courtship: “I’m not queer, I’m disembodied.”

Starkey references the line at one point over our meal. A feeling of disembodiment rushed up in him about as soon as he finished production on Queer, one of many reasons he’s still processing the film’s impact on him. Its professional impact may be clearer: The star of Netflix’s Outer Banks and teen films like Love, Simon reintroduces himself here with a rich, complex, and brave performance that ought to open new doors. But as we chat, he sounds more interested in the personal doors Allerton may have introduced him to.

At the film’s Toronto premiere the night before our interview, Starkey revealed on stage that Guadagnino first described Allerton to him as a “nasty bitch.” Naturally, we began there.

Vanity Fair: Let’s start with “nasty bitch.” How do you react when you get that description for your character?

Drew Starkey: Luca was being cheeky, but in earlier conversations we had, he talked about Allerton as cold and slippery and very hard to read—and Lee is always trying to put his finger on the pulse or define him in some way. He’s always just out of grasp or just out of reach. There’s a quote that Burroughs had in the original Queer from 1985, one of the last paragraphs. In the sentence, it says something to the effect of, “What happened to that knife called Allerton?” That image was always really an anchor for me. So, a nasty bitch. [Laughs]

You’ve talked about how you are still figuring him out.

I’m going to give you a Burroughs quote. For the last few days, I’ve had his quotes in mind.

Just for the last few days?

[Laughs] Well, the past year-and-a-half. But he was talking about writing Junkie versus writing Queer. He said that he felt like he was the one writing Junkie but he felt as if Queer was writing him. That kind of mirrored my experience in the filming of it. I felt like I did all my work, and I had to let Allerton lead me—which is so different from the way that I’ve worked in the past. It was a lot of meditating and letting things happen. But it was tough. It was really tough.

What does surrendering to the material feel like?

It feels like you’re holding onto a plane crash. You’re like, “I hope I survive this.” There’s an energy to it. [Costume designer] Jonathan Anderson is a friend of Elton John’s, who was an incredible help in terms of the wardrobe and what he wears. So much of it was the image of Allerton, what Lee is drawn into and sucked into. That was really a lot of the focus: What’s the silhouette going to be here?

I was going to ask you about the physicality. You move in a very specific, alluring way.

Well, I lost a lot of weight for it. There’s only a few photos of Lewis Marker, who Allerton was based on, but he was very thin. The bodies of that time were not very muscular.

There was just a great essay in TheNew York Times that touched on that, specifically related to the show Fellow Travelers.

Yeah, I wanted to avoid that. I see it a lot, in a kind of mid-century period setting—because that’s such a modern look. This was about a four-month process of losing about 30 pounds. At first, I stopped eating. Not a great idea. Then I worked with a nutritionist. I got a little bit too skinny at one point and then he was like, “Wait, wait, wait.” But that really did change the way I felt and moved. It felt very natural. And then [Daniel and I] were in, essentially, a dance class with each other. My body felt a lot more fluid and I think that kind of informed my gait. It felt like a lot of outside-in work, which was fun.

You clearly sensed this was a major opportunity. What scared you the most?

Living up to material. I felt a lot of pressure, maybe too much. I was quite nervous, and usually I feel okay. And this was like my heart was racing on the first day. One, Luca and the words of Burroughs, and then Justin Kuritzkes did such an amazing job with [the script]. But then working with Daniel and Lesley [Manville] and Jason [Schwartzman], it was an amazing cast. I felt like I was being found out. I never really had that before.

And given the weight loss, you had a lot of time to think about it before even stepping on that set. Could you think about anything else?

No. I was just engrossed with everything. All my responsibilities went out the window. I mean, every day I woke up and thought about it. It really felt like who I was for a year and a half. I’m not one that can really detach from a role and work in that way. It has to be: Blinders on. I can’t separate.

Everyone’s last day of shooting was the final scene you see in the movie. It was Daniel and me, and it was very emotional on the last day. I never really cry. And I’m crying! Just because it was so—it was so much. It was such a release.

Did you feel generally nervous to do sex scenes as you would be asked to do in this movie?

Not more than any other film, any other sex scene. But there was so much conversation around it, too. Luca made it a point during the first two weeks in Rome, when we had table readings and rehearsals, to separate those and talk about those as their own thing. Get comfortable with it. Daniel and I had been familiar with each other enough that by the time we got there, it felt like any other day.

Really?

It, strangely enough, did. There was such a comfort in our bodies. We were really, for months, essentially in a kind of choreographed jujitsu. There was no trepidation. There was no shying away from the nude scenes at all. Dan and I just wanted it to exude a type of truth and normalcy, how two people would be intimate with one another. You don’t want to put anything on top of it. Yeah, so strangely enough, no, it didn’t. It really didn’t.

To your point about the choreography though, there are specific sex scenes that indicate where the characters are in relation to each other, in terms of power and connection. How did you balance the jujitsu you’re talking about with that sense of intimacy?

We would talk with Luca about how he had a picture for it, his ideals for a given scene. We would just walk through it, but then left some freedom to let things happen. That’s the way Luca works in general. He’ll have a specific idea like, “Here’s my idea for what I think it should be, how I think it should be played out.” And then it’s a very intimate, small, closed set. Only the camera operator, Bianca [Butti] was with us. Months prior, of course, that was something that I was weighing like, “Oh, my God”—I was pretty nervous about it. When you read the script and you see the scene, you go like, “Oh, man.” But Luca was very, very particular about, “I will do nothing that you are uncomfortable with.” We had an open dialogue about all that. And Daniel is also such a giving person. He’s a great partner. Once we got into working, all of that was fine.

The final chapter of the film centers on Lee and Allerton doing ayahuasca. Have you done ayahuasca before?

No, but I’m interested. I feel like I’ll know when it’s time to; I don’t think right now is the right time. It hasn’t called to me. But we had some crew who had done ayahuasca and it was a great reference. It was like: “Okay, how did it feel in your body? How did it feel to walk? How nauseous were you?” That part was really fun. Yeah, I’ve never done ayahuasca—yet. But it seems, I don’t know. I certainly have some things that I need to address.

What can you share about that?

This year, I definitely got happier with myself. The past five years or so it’s been fast-paced and always going. Funnily enough, the strike happened and I felt incredibly disembodied. I had nothing to latch on to. I actually thought about Burroughs in that time, and his relationship with what he calls the ugly spirit. It’s this version of yourself that only wants to destroy, and how to make destruction your friend. I really did a lot of soul-searching, because we finished right before the strike happened. It was like boom-boom—I had this very intense, beautiful, creative kind of experience, and then nothing. I was a little mad.

Did you feel like work was important to keeping those feelings at bay?

Yeah, and maybe it’s not really that active. It’s just, I care so much about this and I want to do this, and that’s a byproduct. You lose a sense of yourself. That’s definitely my relationship with acting. I don’t feel like a confident person. I love life and I love tackling life, but in some way, I’m substituting the job for therapy. I never have admitted that I was doing that. And then this past year, I was like, “Oh, that is what I’m doing.” Now I need to actually ask questions about myself and consider myself, and talk and communicate. I didn’t do that a lot about what I was going through. I love to work and I love to distract myself.

It’s interesting to be going through that while you’re playing a character who is so non-verbal.

Mm-hmm. I’ve thought about this a lot. Even though Allerton felt like the hardest person to be, he also felt like the closest person to me in a way. In a lot of ways I really, really understood him and it felt like me—the way he moves through the world, the way he interacts with people. It was like, “Oh, right, that’s how I would be.” Maybe he was a wake-up call for me.

You already alluded to it, but I was going to ask you: What does, “I’m not queer. I’m disembodied” mean to you? Clearly, you’re someone who thinks a lot about Burroughs these days, and it is the core line of the film.

Oh, I’ve thought a lot about Burroughs. I think it’s the inability to define yourself. He doesn’t use language to express anything, to show his admiration or how he feels. Luca always said in the beginning of this, “It’s not a story about unrequited love. It’s a story about unsynchronized love.” Having that type of love can make you feel more detached from yourself. These are two people who do have this love for each other, and it’s beautiful—you see fleeting moments of it, and you see Lee attach himself to those moments. But they’re operating on two different planes of time in some way. That can make you feel more disconnected, experiencing that and confronting that with your counterpart, than even being alone can. [Pause] Yeah, I think I answered?

Very much so. It’s a movie that prods some deeper introspection, so I appreciate the answers.

Yeah, I know it’s a movie that if I saw it at 14 or 15, it would open doors for me, like: “Oh, my God.” My parents weren’t prudish in any way, but there was definitely some censorship. It was my grandma who was watching us, I was maybe 10, when she was like, “What rated-R movie do you want to watch? Pick one. Go pick one.” Me and my brother were like, “Okay!” I think we watched The Patriot or something. [Laughs] But yeah, I’ve had to go off and find those things on my own.

This interview has been edited and condensed. This story has been updated.

[lycoperdales]

I think I’ve realised why a lot of the fandom don’t really like or understand Scott.

It took rewatching the show so many times for me to see that the show doesn’t really like to focus on what motivate Scott’s decisions as they do for others.

You are aware of Stiles insecurities in season 5a because you see him waking up from nightmares, you hear him talk about how the nogitsune made him feel inherently evil and guilty. You also know that during the late stages of his mother’s dementia, she blamed him for her condition. This makes him scared to tell the truth about Donovan’s death.

You understand Theo’s fear in season 6 because you saw him go through a hell loop in which he was repeatedly killed brutally and violently for a crime he was manipulated into doing (because yes, it was revealed that he was manipulated). You also feel bad for him because of his homelessness and loneliness.

But Scott’s anger towards Derek for biting teenagers was hardly explained at all.

Scott wanting to constantly save people that he doesn’t even know is only implied for a few seconds.

In season 4, Scott, by Kira’s sword, experienced a scenario in which no matter what he did, he ended up killing Liam. What was that? I didn’t even understand it until a parallel experience (Theo’s) was created that I was like “Ah. Scott created his own personal circle of hell to punish himself for doing something that he didn’t even do.”

This was such a monumental aspect to add depth to his character but it was just never mentioned again.

And my guess as to why this is his biggest fear?

Because a year ago he was transformed into an angry thing with claws, fangs and a taste for blood. He was controlled to want to kill the people he loved and almost did it. Then after he learned control, he was constantly told that it was now in his nature to kill and him NOT WANTING PEOPLE DEAD was regarded as naive.

And not even a season later after this hellscape, his biggest fear is realised. He is forcibly stripped from his control, again.

While I’m here I want to address the statement I made earlier about what motivates him to save people at his own expense.

Do you remember after the pack read the book about dread doctors and they started unlocking memories? At first I’ll admit I thought Scott’s was so stupid, “The rest of the pack remembered such gruesome things and Scott is just remembering his dog die?? What the hell??”

But then I read an explanation online on what the memory was. Apparently his dog died saving his life.

Now I know why Scott works at the clinic, now I know why he is studying so hard to be a vet, now I know why he constantly pushed himself to stop others from getting hurt (crossing the mountain ash barrier, trying to fight the dread doctors even though he could barely breathe).

All of these decisions had such a pure motive that I had to find out by literally searching “Scott memory explanation season 5 teen wolf”

[marticoresims]

I made a custom lifespan that I use in my own game and find to be most realistic. But take into account that I age babies one day earlier and give that extra day to teenagers to go to college. So I count the ages based on that, and the game doesn't agree. This mod is perfectly editable, though. There are a few flavors, depending on how you'd like your PlantSims to age and if you'd like to have an edited (shortened) elder stage.

So the basic human lifespan is: Baby: 0-1 Toddler: 1-6 Child: 6-13 Teenager: 13-22 (I treat college as frozen time) Adult - 22-60

SHORTER ELDER LIFESPAN Originally, the game gives elders a base of 10 days, then randomizes a 1-10 number and adds that, and then adds more days based on aspiration score (or subtracts, but this is only the case for full red). I edited my original lifespan to have more consequences for bad aspiration score and shorter elders in general, so: The base number is still 10, but the random number Sims get is now 1-5. Platinum aspiration is +10 (like the original, but Sims live shorter due to different random number, so the happiest Sims will live max 85 years, considering that elder starts at 60) Gold aspiration is +5 (elder lasts from 16 to 20 days) Green aspiration is +0 (elder lasts from 11 to 15 days) Slight red (or in between) aspiration is -4 (elder lasts from 7 to 11 days) Red aspiration is -8 (elder lasts from 3 to 7 days) This version has 10-day toddler PlantSims - it's the base mod with edited elders.

DIFFERENT PLANTSIM VERSIONS (don't include shorter elders) Vanilla: no change for PlantSims whatsoever (so toddler 4, adult 29 etc.), only human Sims' lifespan is edited.

Equal: PlantSims' lifespan likened to my human one, so: Toddler - 22 days (baby, toddler, child and teen combined) Adult - 38 days

Download on MTS

Credits: The AgeCorrect mod is useful for any lifespan mod to calculate your existing Sims. ijAgecons - the basis of this mod.

[fanficfish]

some random hetalia thoughts about the countries

mostly headcanons and character studies i guess. probably canon but who knows i'm too sleepy to go check. i'm gonna ramble and maybe it'll maek sense i don't know. Someoen tag me if they get anything idea worthy out of this.

link the inspired post: https://www.reddit.com/r/hetalia/comments/1eqt7ek/after_all_these_years_im_gonna_say_it_i_did_not/

I've seen a little talk about how England leaving America on his own for so long messed him up a little (thank you reddit user who go that talk going). So i wanted to think about some of Englands' other colonies and stuff i guess?

so like we have America. I still stand he's probably like, Jamestown or something and over time he became the main US rep, like how the UK has the four brothers (five? Six with Sealand) but England represents them at meetings. Or Japan reps all of Japan instead of like a couple dozen prefectures showing up. That kind of thing. And like that guy's a little messed up. In earlier parts ofhis story, he's shown to just be really explorative, stil strong tho, but mostly jsut a nice sweet kid who happens to have three teenagers fighting over him. Seriously couldn't they share? Oh wait it's hetalia no they can't XD

anyways, it's only wlater once America is firmly under British rule that he starts growing the yelling and loudness. I think that's like the sign hhat he wants a little attention f rom England- like, he's shown to just be a guy when it's Canada when they're kids but england gets the "SHOVE FOOD IN MY PIEHOLE" treatment. And I think that's just because England keeps leaving and coming back but sometimes he just ignores the kids and does his own thing for a long time. Canada ends up letting America take the lead for them. And then later on once all is said and done America revels in his big parties and whatnot because the attention is on him, and it won't heal the hrut of England just leaving all the time but it sorta helps. (Canada doesn't count they're basically joined at the hip it's not the same).

and if you compare it to like the Italies for example. Austria was still there to watch over Italy North even though he really went for the uh. Less optimal route. But he was till there, in his own way. Prussia definitely wasn't going to leave HRE and later Germany alone unless he absolutely had to. Spain didn't jsut go gallivanting around when Romano was there (no comment onhis other former colonies). Ofc you could make an argument for Iceland, but by the time Norway took over he'd been alone mostly for 300 years, and even if Norway and Denmark didn't exactly visit all the time because i headcanon Iceland stayed happily on his island 90% of the time like Aland and Faroe Islands to avoid the drama called "four nordics pretending they could get along under one roof when they definitely are not good rooommate compatable", I doubt he was entirely without parental guidance. Norway could always sense him (so themoment anything bighappened Norway would be marching right over), and Iceland mentions sending letters out. I'm jsut gonna guess he sent the letters via Mr. Puffin, and I'd guess Mr. Puffin could always deliver some words if needed from overseas. Iceland also apparantly has fairies at his house so there's that too. Not thet he'd admit it.

But if you notice, it's def circumstance that gives some character which is cool when we're talkign about stereotype-based characters. Ameriica becomes loud and "ignores" the room when he's given the stage, because if he outrages everyone then he'll get attention. Italy N.. had everythig taken care of for him and has few worries, and a pretty good work ethic since Austria isn't a slacker. Roomano is a spoiled brat. Iceland....honestly boy just needs to accept the others rubbed off on him and he's just as kooky as the rest of them. I know you're a teen and all but kid c'mon you love them mystical animals and you keep bringing up your weird museums XD (I swear this child got Norway's anti-socialness, Sweden's inability to admit things (in his case, he actually likes hanging out with the others), Finland's oddness, and Denmark's everythign else because we all know Norway probably saw Iceland at last and had a crisis over it, man knows when Iceland appears but can't get around to taking the ruling for how many years????

And then there's New Zeeland, who had to raise Austrailia when NZ was also pretty young. NZ doesn't even have the hope of hep fro manyone- America and Canada i'm pretty sure still had visitors from like France and I think the Netherlands would have popped by a few times, because they did do a bit of um. Trading. with the colonies and stuff. Austrialia used to be on the other hand where they sent English prisoners. New Zealand is not ready for that kind of craziness, and so of course we're gonna get a free range crazy Austrailia and a done with it New Zealand who got no help and probabl ygot even less parental support then America. BTW it's crazy that technically GB still techncialy rules over so many big places like Canada and Austrailia even though they also technicall ydon't like that's just so wild.

so what have we learend from this? England sucks as a dad, and Iceland's teen rebel phase is in full swing. WHat was the poitn of this? I don't know but you read it and i wrote it so.....

ima sleep i forgot the poitn already lol

[darkmaga-retard]

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. spent decades as an environmental lawyer fighting polluters and supported 'green' organizations for environmental justice. He is now setting his crosshairs on the pharmaceutical industry and cleaning up the nation's food supply chain of ultra-processed foods and seed oils that poison consumers. He has determined that suspending his presidential campaign to team up with former President Trump will be necessary for the strongest success rate in making Americans healthier again, not through big pharma's Ozempic shots but instead revitalizing small farms and shaking up corrupted federal agencies.

Lifelong liberals like RFK Jr. backing Trump is one of the strongest indicators of just how extreme the ticket, unoriginal Vice President Kamala Harris and Democrats have become. Harris' team recently announced their first proposed economic policy, which was rooted in communism and included disastrous price controls. It appears the far-left ticket is being advised and heavily influenced by Marxists. 

Between RFK Jr's special announcement earlier Friday and his speech at Trump's packed campaign rally in Glendale, Arizona, the liberal with millions of supporters nationwide appears to have made a deal with Trump to join the campaign with a shot at waging war against corrupt federal health and food agencies, resetting the nation's poisonous food supply chain, and launch a crusade against big pharma if the Trump team wins in November. 

RFK Jr. informed journalists at his special press conference in the early afternoon of Friday that America's health crisis stems from ultra-processed foods pushed by giant food/pharma companies that have corrupted various federal agencies: 

Autism rates were about one in 10,000 in my generation - in my kids Generation 1 in 34. I'll repeat in California 1 and 22. Why are we letting this happen? Why are we allowing this to happen to our children? These are the most precious assets that we have in this country how can we let this happen to them. About 18% of American teens now have fatty liver disease, that's like one out of every five - that disease when I was a kid only affected late stage alcoholics who were elderly. Cancer rates are skyrocketing in the Young and the old young. Adult cancers are up 70 79%. One in four American women is on anti-depressant medication. About 40% of teens have a mental health diagnosis and 15% of high schoolers are on Aderall, and half a million children on SSRIs. So what's causing this suffering? I'll name two culprits first and the worst is ultra-processed food. About 70% of American children's diet is ultra-processed that means industrial manufacturing - these Foods consist primarily of processed sugar, ultra-processed grains, and seed oils. Scientists who, for many of them, formerly worked for the cigarette industry, which purchased all the big food companies in the 1970s and 80s, deployed thousands of scientists to figure out chemicals new chemicals to make the food more addictive, and these ingredients didn't exist a 100 years ago. Humans aren't biologically adapted to eat them. Hundreds of these chemicals are now banned in Europe but ubiquitous in American processed foods. The second culprit is toxic chemicals in our food and our medicine and our environment pesticides food additives pharmaceutical drugs and toxic waste permeate every cell of our bodies. The Assault on our children's cells and hormones is unrelenting - name just one problem many of these chemicals increase estrogen - because young children are ingesting so many of these hormone disruptors, America's puberty rate is now occurring at age 10 to 13, which is six years earlier than girls were reaching puberty in 1900 our country has the earliest puberty rates of any continent on the Earth and no this isn't because of better nutrition - this is not normal - breast cancer is also estrogen-driven and it now strikes one in eight women. We are mass poisoning all of our children. 

RFK Jr. then touched on the processed food industry lobbyists who have corrupted Washington, resulting in a food supply chain filled with poison that is killing Americans. He said several federal agencies that are supposed to protect consumers have also been corrupted. 

[bengiyo]

My Love Mix Up Ep 6 Stray Thoughts

Last week, the kids went to a training camp apparently meant to teach them to be braver. Atom and Mudmee tried to do well as to not hold back Kongthap and Half with the hopes of making romantic progress with them. Atom managed to confess his feelings to Kongthap, and they have entered the talking stage.

Atom is so cheesed up about meeting Kongthap, but Kongthap is not fretting one bit.

Half and Atom may be good, but Mudmee is ignoring him.

I do enjoy that inexperience remains a big part of this story.

It really is embarrassing to confess you feelings and have someone not remember the moment you’ve been holding onto for possibly years.

I still got beef with this teacher for calling Atom a cheater.

Papang is the tutor!

Man, the ads really take me out of this show.

Presenting a different romantic moment he remembers in lieu of the one for Mudmee is actually a kind way to acknowledge her feelings. Too bad, he couldn’t remember the taste of the cupcake.

Aggressive kabedon.

Dudes posting their Ls saving Half here.

Why is this little gremlin teen eating popcorn like this?

Welcome back, baby is a messy eater.

I am either a watch the movie or don’t watch the movie type. I can’t do both.

Okay, I do like the static shock as an explanation for not touching.

🎶 It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes 🎶

Gemini is charming even when it’s coming through inconsistently.

Mr. Tutor, I know you better not be planning to be homophobic in that sweater.

Oh lord another juice ad.

Man, this show is so sleepy. It took me a while to watch this week.

Kieta Hatsukoi Comparison: This is probably the first time we’ve been able to talk at length about a big diversion between the shows. The Thai show put the practice match earlier, and the Japanese show put it here. This isn’t exactly bad, because this volleyball match doesn’t happen after the ski trip in the manga. I can’t find where it happens in the manga right now, so someone else chime in if this entire bit is a TV show creation. Either way, this leads to different beats between the shows. Weirdly enough, the Thai show is on a closer track than the Japanese one by doing the movie date in the follow up.

One of the big things that stands out is how explicit Aoki’s bisexual awakening is, and it’s his opening concern for this episode following the camping trip. He never expected to develop feelings for a guy, and doesn’t have any framework for how dating and relationships between guys is supposed to work. This offers ample opportunity for comedy with Aida, which Michieda and Suzuki are both capable of delivering. Aoki being unsure about what they are to each other as guys works well for his brewing jealousy about a girl who might have a crush on Ida.

Conversely, Aida helping Aoki with Ida feeds well into Aida feeling bummed about Aoki ignoring him when he tries to talk about Hashimoto.

A small note, but I do miss the comedy Aoki’s mom gave us with her yelling from offscreen.

The comparison commentary will get more complex now. The Thai show will go beyond the Japanese show, and we’re at the stage where the Japanese show made some of its own alterations.

[triscribeaucollection]

@icarussmicarus I blame you for this

My so far one and only hashed-out Treasure Planet fan fic idea: nearly the same plot and events as the movie, *except*, it takes place a few years earlier, with a smaller, scrawnier, Still Figuring Out His Rebellious Teenager Mode Jim, who is NOT allowed to go into space on a mad treasure hunting voyage with just Delbert Doppler for supervision.

So his mom Sarah goes too.

Maybe Jim's dad left earlier than in canon, maybe the Benbow Inn has only been up and running a short time rather than being an established business, but either way, the kid is still in his earlier days of solar surfing and skirting the edges of the law (rather that blasting clear over those edges by his mid-teens).

Old Billy Bones shows up badly injured. The map is handed over. He dies, the pirates show up, the inn burns down.

But when Jim manages to unlock the sphere and reveal Treasure Planet's location, eagerly declaring that they can go and get Flint's Trove and rebuild, Sarah absolutely, positively, categorically refuses to let him take off into the unknown like a certain long gone husband without any guarantee of coming back.

...and she holds out for a good ten minutes, too, until both young Jim and Doctor Doppler manage to convince her to turn it into a family adventure.

I can see her awkwardly attempting to hold a conversation with Captain Amelia, hitting it off slightly better with the straightforward Mister Arrow, and settling into the kitchen with Long John Silver with minimal fuss despite Jim's wariness towards the man. There's the rough period of adjustment, of course, as the outsiders struggle to find there footing, but soon enough... There's a night where Silver's telling stories for the crew, putting his prosthetic arm to great effect, and at one point he starts in on a legend that Sarah actually knows. So, at a key moment, she steps up to his table and in her best bedtime story acting voice, participates. It turns into a great act, Silver easily going with the change, and between the two of them the gathered crew members are roaring with laughter soon enough. Even Jim's delighted by the show, and finally starts to come out of his sullen shell a bit more. The day he and Silver set out on a brief jaunt in one of the lifeboats and come back with matching grins is the day Sarah finally, finally, starts to feel she made the right choice.

And then they're caught in the grip of a collapsing star.

Everything gets battened down, all hands secured with lifelines, Sarah gets a momentary glimpse of Silver bracing himself over Jim just before they're pulled into darkness- and that final burst of energy carries them clear of the black hole. There's cheering, relief, high spirits... up until it's revealed they lose Mister Arrow.

Sarah abruptly feels the grief tenfold again. Of losing her inn, losing her husband, feeling so close to losing Jim... that night she has her first heartfelt conversation with Silver, actually telling him about the series of unfortunate events that led to her and Jim being on this voyage, and talking to him proves to be just as cathartic as venting to Delbert, maybe even a little more-so. He's honest with her in return (or as honest as the secret captain of a pirate crew can be at that moment), and the bridge of trust grows a little wider.

So of course I intend to be extra mean and make the punches hit even harder once the deception is revealed. The pirates stage their mutiny, Amelia, Doppler, Sarah and Jim (with stowaway Morph) barely escape in a lifeboat, and only after crash-landing on the planet below do they find out the map got left behind.

B.E.N is a blessing, providing them with a safe place to rest. When Silver shows up with his flag of parley, Sarah is the one to go out and speak to him, to snarl her anger and throw some of his own words back in his face. They don't part on good terms.

As night falls, Jim quietly asks what they're going to do. Sarah strokes his hair and promises they'll figure it out.

When B.E.N reveals the hidden passageway, Sarah orders Jim to stay put and stand guard for the others. She sneaks back up to the Legacy, engages in a frantic fight with bug-face, just barely, barely managing to trick him into cutting his own lifeline while the anti-gravity is deactivated, to go float away into the vast darkness of space just as he doomed Mister Arrow.

The map is secured. It seems all might turn out well after all. But then she gets back, to find the pirates have snuck into B.E.N's home. Delbert and Amelia are bound and gagged; Jim too, but he's still fighting, still trying to kick at the pirates holding him up.

Silver takes the map.

Silver can't open the map.

Silver tries to order Sarah to open it instead, and when she says she can't, he pulls out his pistol and aims it at Jim.

For a heart-stopping moment she can't speak, but then Sarah's fury comes flooding back and she yells that her son is the one who knows how to open the damn thing so put the weapon down. It gets turned on her instead, when Jim's cut loose, in order to force the boy to cooperate.

All four prisoners get brought along, mother and son kept out of arm's reach of one another until they reach the map's destination, and Jim figures out how to open the portal into the planet's core, into Flint's Trove itself. At that point, faced with mountains of treasure, the pirates pretty much stop caring, and both of them along with B.E.N are able to sneak off towards a decrepit old boat.

But of course, the booby trap goes off. All that treasure starts sliding away, the planet beginning to shake apart. Rather than race for the exit like his panicking crew, Silver sees what Sarah and Jim are doing, trying to get the small craft operational, and sees that as a good moment to step in himself.

Until Sarah comes at him with a sword, anyway.

There's a moment where she is very much about to stab him, only for the boat to get hit and send everybody tumbling. Jim, smaller and lighter, stops falling sooner. So it's Sarah, who goes falling off a newly made cliff, fragments of the core continuing to retract and separate and leaving her with no clear way to climb back up. Jim tries to reach for her, yelling desperately, and Sarah screams back that he is not allowed to come down over the edge after, he needs to run, to get out of there, NOW!

The last bit of metal she's clinging to slides into a sheer surface. Sarah drops.

And Silver catches her.

---

I'm still fiddling with their grand escape from the exploding planet and what happens after, what sort of ending would feel the most satisfying after the moments of apology and reconciliation and if you ever point a weapon at my son again, Silver, then so help me moment that I *have* to include. Maybe Sarah rebuilds the inn, with a certain cook hired on. Maybe she decides the space-faring life wasn't so bad, and decides to go see more distant stars with Jim by her side. However it turns out, the Hawkins pair are sure to have some more adventures together.

[fivie]

Hello, if I may ask, do you have any headcanons about enjolras and courfeyrac in the umw universe?

Hello!! I'm about to become an unskippable cutscene 😃

I can't quite remember if any of this has already been mentioned in Enjolras POV chapters but I'll just list everything I've got lol:

- They met when they were seven years old. I've never thought all that much about their parents since they don't feature in the story (though it's safe to assume that Enjolras was already fairly estranged from his parents by the time he became a hunter) but I've always had it in my head that they were initially shoved together because their parents were part of the same social circle and did that thing where they decided their kids should also be friends. I think this happened a lot to both of them as kids and generally didn't work out, especially for Enjolras, who was a shy, serious sort of child and often considered either intimidating or just plain weird by his peers, but on this one occasion it turned out well! Courfeyrac immediately considered Enjolras to be extremely smart and cool, and while Enjolras (unused to positive feedback) was a little unsure of this at first, he quickly realised that Courfeyrac was genuine and they've been best friends ever since.

- They are a classic case of an extrovert adopting an introvert.

- Enjolras has always struggled with making friends—Courfeyrac was really his only close friend through their earlier years at school, but Courfeyrac is very outgoing and gregarious and has a lot of love to give and so he always had a lot of friends, and there were definitely times when Enjolras felt sort of jealous of that, and worried that Courfeyrac would lose interest in him in favour of others. It never happened, of course.

- They met and befriended Joly and Bossuet in their first year at high school, and Marius in their first year of university. 

- Their friendship has always confused onlookers since they seem so different, but they actually do have quite a lot in common, and the ways that they are different work to their advantage: Courfeyrac sometimes does need someone to be the voice of reason and responsibility, Enjolras sometimes needs someone to tell him to lighten up.

- Courfeyrac has always been the more emotionally intelligent of the two, but he used to joke that this was the only area in which he was more intelligent than Enjolras because for a long time he didn't consider himself particularly academically smart and would be quite self-deprecating about it. Enjolras never agreed with this assessment and Courfeyrac eventually grew out of the notion, which mainly stemmed from how the adults in their lives perceived him and his more boisterous personality.

- Courfeyrac is bisexual and figured that out pretty quickly as a young teenager. He had a lot of crushes throughout high school and dated quite a few people and Enjolras was woefully unequipped to deal with the emotional turmoil of these teen relationships but did his best to be supportive. For a while they both thought that Enjolras just hadn't reached “the stage” of being interested in dating etc yet, but after a while they realised that this supposed transformation didn't seem to be forthcoming and decided to do some research, leading to Enjolras happily using the aro/ace label for a few years. He was extremely alarmed when he later did develop an interest in a fellow student at university, leading to further research and an understanding that catching feelings is something that happens to him very occasionally. When he least expects it, you might say 👀

- Truly there's a whole slice of life teen drama here that I could get into if I wasn't too busy writing the monster-hunting plot 😂

- Enjolras really struggled with his decision to leave Lyon to pursue hunting without telling Courfeyrac, to the point that I have often daydreamed of an AU where everything is exactly the same except Enjolras ultimately couldn't go through with it and Courfeyrac ends up going with him.

- The characters have developed a lot in the ridiculous amount of time UMW has been ongoing, and I think if I was writing the earlier chapters now, knowing what I know, that Enjolras would have tried to explain to Courfeyrac where he was going, or told some lie to reassure him, or done something other than just vanishing and assuming Courfeyrac would get over it. I don't think him taking off the way he did in the story makes the most sense now, with how much weight their friendship has been given. But I'm locked into it by me from 10 years ago 😂

[zoomzooomfast]

So one of many parts of me explaining my sims HC's of how the sims universe is

Part One The Timeline

So Sims 3 is messy in the timeline because different worlds take place at different times so that will be noted when needed

The Sims 4 is similar in difficulty but also different because" it's an AU" so the Sims 4 is taken lightly on the timeline with parts that will be built upon later in explanation posts

the baseline of years are also based of the constant characters of the goths and the fact that sims 2 came out in 2004

-Sims 3 Twinbrook- between 1900-1910(The Curious brothers grandfather was a toddler)

-The Sims 3-Late 1950s-Early 60s

-Sims 3 Monte Vista, Roaring Heights -Late 60s-early 70s(The Montys and Capps are still young and growing a there families)

-Sims 3 Midnight Hollow, Lucky Palms, Moonlight falls-Mid 70s-early 80s(The Summerdreams are young adults, The Dreamers are young adults, Nervous Subject is a toddler)

-Sims 3 Aurora Skies -Some time during the early 80s (The Beaker siblings are alive and Loki is a child)

-The Sims 1- the late 80s-early 90s(The goths are adults and Cassy is a young child with out her brother Alex)

-Sims 3 Sunlit Tide-between 1986-1988( I know this is really specific but if the pleasant twins are between 14-16 in 2004 they had to be born between 1988-1990 and Mary-Sue and Daniel are on their honeymoon in Sunlit Tide. This also takes into account the theory that if The Sims 1 had a teen life stage Daniel would have been a teenager.)

-The sims 4 Horse Ranch and Cottage Living-Mid 90s-Late 90s (I put these two together earlier than The Sims 4 because Mortimer's aunt Agnus and her "Dead Husband" are elders)

-Sims 3 Dragon Valley-Mid 90s(John and Jennifer Burb are unmarried and Lucy isn't born yet)

-The Sims 2- 2004-05 (This is the baseline year with Bella being abducted in the Summer of 04 and then I am guessing the events of The Sims 2 take place between Summer 04 and then Summer 05 given the handful of pregnancies we know of and the fact that Seasons start in the winter with the exception of the Greenman who start the next spring)

-The Sims 4- the 2010s-Present ( Look at the game and tell me you don't think it takes place in the 2010s it might just be the fault of the game being stuck in 2014 in style)

-Sims 3 Lunar Lake- 2020s ( I just feel like its the vibe of Lunar Lakes plus if Mathilde Goth is the third goth child that would have had to be born after Belles abduction in the 2000s she would be a young adult now pretty much )

-Sims 3 into the future-"New World Hundreds of Years into the Future" (this is a direct quote from the back of the Disc)

Parts I want to but somewhere else on the timeline but I am not sure where I would

The Sims 4: My Wedding Stories- In My Wedding Stories Arnessa Thebe talks about how she misses her Aunt Queen and Uncle Eetion. And how her and her dad{Queen's Brother} would visit them time to time when she was a kid. So this just creates a wired gap I have yet to figure out yet.

Princess Cordelia Thebe- So still being on my Thebes issue. In the sims 4 in text it suggest that Princess Cordelia lived at least 100 or so before the events of the sims 4. But Arnessa is referred to as her Descendant which to me suggests more than 5 generations But I think that maybe Arnessa is like her great-great granddaughter. because in 100 year you don't really get decedents you get great-great grandkids. Maybe Cordelia never got to meet if she was older and had a kid or two.

If you read this whole thing WOW. If your wondering what I am on to come up with this much of a sims everything timeline my answer is hyperfixation and Cherry Slush Alani. I think its wild this is just my like baseline timeline to without any like actual headcanons besides estimated ages.

[faytelumos]

BESTIE. I must inform dump on you regarding one TJ wayne because. Because it's just so fucking funny to me???

Thomas and TJ literally looked at eachother, said " your vibes are rancid actually " and disowned one another. TJs been on his own since he was 10 and an absolute terror for boarding schools.

He was the kid sneaking vodka in water bottles and pretended to shrug off a bad grad only to key his teachers car after. Was probably there when Bruce raced with Oswald and laughed his ass off when batman ate shit.

Captured everything ofc,

" smile :)"

" ...I hate you"

" I know <3"

Very much azula if azula was a loser and also somehow. Meaner

My dumb ass was about to ask if Tommy Sr saw how Bruce was acting as a teen and thought he had another TJ on his hands.

Because it sounds like TJ just hit that "I hate everyone" stage earlier than Bruce.

But does Bruce even know about TJ? Like, where did he come from?!

And who looks at a 10 year old who's disowned his father and goes, "Yeah, he's fine to go to school. No, full time elementary classes won't pose any kind of problem at all whatsoever."

And who looks at their 10 year old and goes, "Yeah, there's nothing redeemable about this situation, please get out of my life small child with only 90% of your logical brain development and who has yet to even experience the personality change that come with puberty."

As far as I can tell both Tommys are 100% wrong in this situation and I can't believe Martha didn't put them in a Get Along Sweater, shakin' my head.

And yes, 1,000%, Jason would be up in arms at how TJ is treating Bruce, then turn around and continue to bully Tim and Damian.

I feel bad for Alfred in this whole mess.