#<- rereads but we all know that by now i feel.
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sure thing – part two.
pairing: yang jungwon x f reader
genre: coworkers au, underground boxer jungwon
part two word count: 10.8k
warnings: swearing, descriptions/depictions of physical violence, blood and minor injuries, jealousy, a bit of a love triangle I'M SORRY, a kiss or five
note: aaaand here's part two! thank you to everyone that left a comment/reblog on part one. this is the conclusion to the story. suffer with me while we daydream about blonde boxer jungwon and enjoyyyyy ♡
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An employee in the marketing department of a large company, your days are filled with poorly worded emails, unrealistic deadlines, and passive aggressive friendly reminders from your superiors. On a particularly awful afternoon, a chance encounter with a coworker from the programming department down the hall is the first thing to make you smile in weeks.
But the more you uncover about Yang Jungwon and his mysterious injuries, flimsy excuses, and always occupied Friday nights, the more you begin to realize that you really don’t know him at all.
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PART TWO
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It’s been a while since you felt anything but dread opening your work inbox.
Monday morning, however, the first message that greets you is a reminder of a time when you did. When you used to keep your email tab open just in the hopes that a certain programmer would send you messages about a jammed printer for you to reread a dozen times.
This time, though, excitement is the last thing you feel. It’s curiosity, more than anything, combined with an urgent need to know what the hell happened between your date and your coworker, that has you clicking on the message.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Printer Issue
Good morning, ___.
I hope this message finds you well. I am currently trying to resolve an ongoing issue with the workroom printer and was hoping you would be able to provide some input at your earliest convenience.
Thank you in advance,
Jungwon
Part of you wants to archive the message without responding and let him simmer in your rejection.
But spite has never held much weight against curiosity, and despite your better judgment, you soon find yourself walking towards the shared workroom.
As expected, it’s already occupied. This time, however, Jungwon is leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. The printer, just as you suspected, is in perfect working order.
There’s a fresh bruise on his forehead, and this time, you don’t wonder where it’s from. It makes sense now. The bruises on his knuckles. The cut on his cheekbone. His seemingly intimate knowledge of head injuries that one fateful Monday afternoon he found you in this very room.
They’re all the result of his hidden hobby, you suppose.
As soon as you enter, some of the rigidity seeps out of his stance. Immediately, his arms fall to his sides, expression softening. “___,” he whispers, like he can’t quite believe you actually came.
Where he softens, however, you cage up.
“You have one minute,” you tell him.
“One minute?” He echoes, brow creasing in confusion.
“One minute to explain what happened Saturday night.”
Jungwon sighs. “I’m sorry. Really, I… I shouldn’t have reacted like that.”
You don’t say anything. An apology is appreciated, yes, but it’s not an explanation.
With your silence, Jungwon continues, “I was just… caught off guard. I didn’t expect to see you there, and especially not with him.”
He pauses for a moment, biting at his lower lip. “Look, ___. I know it probably isn’t my place, but I don’t think he’s being honest with you. Jay isn’t the person that you think he is, and–”
Your scoff cuts through his words, stopping him in his tracks. “That’s funny,” you interrupt. But humor is the last thing on your mind. “He said the exact same thing about you, you know. But it has to be bullshit. I mean, what could have possibly happened in middle school that two adults with jobs are still hung up on a decade later?”
Jungwon’s lips part in surprise. “He told you about middle school?”
“Why?” you prod. “Is there something to know?”
But now you’re at a stalemate, neither of you willing to disclose what exactly you know.
After another beat, Jungwon sighs. “Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do–”
“Could have fooled me.”
“But I just want you to be careful, okay? It’s… it’s important to me that you’re safe.”
“Safe?” You scoff. “It was a boxing gym. I don’t know why you’re acting like I was trying to push my way into the ring with you.”
“You don’t get it–”
“No.” You throw your hands in exasperation. “I don’t get it. But you’re not explaining it to me. You’re just being evasive and acting like I’m the one in the wrong. So unless you actually have something of substance to say, I’m done having this conversation.”
“____…”
Already halfway to the exit, the sound of your name is lost on you. It’s bad enough that Jay has yet to reach out to you since last night. You absolutely do not need Jungwon bringing this issue into the office as well.
As if on cue, your phone dings with an incoming message.
Half expecting to see a virtual string of apologies from your coworker, you’re mildly surprised to see a different name instead.
You were right about the apologies, though.
Jay: I’m sorry about last night. You were right about deserving an explanation and I want to give you one. I think this is a conversation we should have in person. Are you free Friday night for dinner?
Friday night. Two nights from now. It’s soon enough that you won’t have to stew in resentment, but will give you both the time and space you need to think.
It doesn’t take you long to consider, but you do wait another long minute before giving him the satisfaction of responding.
You: I’ll plan on Friday.
…..
Friday morning comes with a vengeance.
Already teeming with nervous energy at the prospect of your upcoming date with Jay and the conversation that is sure to ensue, you’re a bit of a mess by the time you arrive at work.
Hair windswept, outfit mismatched, lipstick slightly smudged, you already know you’re in for a long day at the office.
But when you arrive at your desk, you find something that softens the blow, just a bit.
Grace, ever the instigator, is already learning over your cubicle by the time you notice it.
“Whew,” she whistles appreciatively. “Someone’s pulling out all the stops.”
And she’s kind of right. The bouquet sitting front and center on your desk is massive. Overflowing with seasonal flowers that already emit a pleasant fragrance even from where you stand. The vase itself it’s gorgeous, too.
Imbued with a myriad of colors, it reminds you a bit of a stained glass window on a sunny afternoon.
Reaching for the small note tucked at the top, you open the envelope with slightly shaky fingers.
___, it reads.
I wish I had more to give you than an apology, but I’ve been told that flowers are a sure thing when it comes to brightening someone’s day. I hope these are able to do that for you.
– J
Frowning, you read it once. Twice.
Jay has already apologized for the incident from a couple of nights ago, and the timing of this second apology seems odd, given your plans for tonight.
You’re left to stand in your own confusion for a moment longer before a text message vibrates your phone in your pocket.
Reaching for it, the flowers suddenly start to make a lot more sense.
Jay: I am so sorry, but I have to reschedule our plans for tonight. It completely slipped my mind, but my sister’s baby shower is tomorrow morning, and I’ve been voluntold to help set it up. I promise to let you know as soon as I can when I’ll be available
Jay: And again, I am so, so sorry
Sighing, you put your phone back in your bag. You can’t blame him. Not really. His sister’s baby shower is undoubtedly an important event, even if the timing is rather unfortunate for you.
Grace, blissfully unaware of your inner turmoil, is still gushing about your flowers. Turning to you, she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. “So, what are those for? Got a hot date this weekend?”
You sigh, recently canceled plans still dampening your mood. Deciding there’s no harm in telling Grace your woes, you say, “I wish. Jay just had to cancel on me for tonight.”
“No.” Grace gasps. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she was personally affronted. “He better have had a good excuse.”
“He did,” you admit. Unlike someone you know. “Family stuff.”
“Ah,” Grace nods. “I suppose that’s acceptable. Have you rescheduled?”
Frowning at the message you have yet to answer, you shake your head. “Not yet.”
“Mm,” she hums, sensing your disappointment. “I’m sure something just came up at work, and he’ll get back to you soon.”
“Yeah,” you nod hollowly. “I’m sure he will.”
You: I understand. Is there any chance we could meet Saturday evening or afternoon? It’s important to me that we talk about it soon.
It’s not as if you expect an immediate response. Like you, Jay is probably at work for the day. Busy and drowning in deadlines and assignments. Maybe even stuck in a meeting.
But thirty minutes pass. And then an hour. Two.
And your message is still completely unanswered.
The more time that passes, the harder it becomes to shake the funny feeling that starts to build in your gut. It builds and builds and builds, all the way until closing time.
And Jay still hasn’t texted you back.
That’s annoying enough all on its own, but there’s something else that just isn’t adding up.
You can’t quite put your finger on it, the thing that’s bothering you so much. But even as you make your way towards after clocking out for the day, something still doesn’t sit right with you. Opening your message thread again, you reread Jay’s last text.
Jay: … my sister’s baby shower is tomorrow morning, and I’ve been voluntold to help set it up.
Sister’s baby shower.
That’s what’s been bothering you. Because unless Jay’s sister is just finishing the shortest known pregnancy in human history, he’s lying to you.
You remember it now. The first time Grace mentioned Jay to you. She had just seen him for the first time since he moved back home.
At his older sister’s baby shower.
Sitting in your car, you scoff out loud in disbelief. The ice he treads on has been dangerously thin since your run in with Jungwon at the boxing gym, and he had the audacity to lie?
Part of you wants to catch him in it. For your own confirmation and for the satisfaction of not letting him get away with trying to pull a fast one on you. But you need an excuse. Some reason to seek him out and find him where he isn’t supposed to be.
Racking your brain, you try to think of a plausible explanation for turning up at his house tonight.
Still sitting in the parking lot, a car turns past you, headlights shining in through your windshield in a way that makes you squint.
In a way that reflects off of the tiny piece of metal jammed in the crevice next to your cupholder. Frowning, you reach down, tugging at it until it’s freed from its confines.
You’re not sure what divine forces are working in your favor, but you make a mental note to properly thank them later. Because clutched between your fingers is Jay’s missing ring. The one that he’s been looking for since he messaged you about it last week.
It’s perfect, you think. An absolutely perfect excuse to drop by his house, even if you should be under the impression that he’s not there at the moment.
Turning the piece of jewelry between your fingers, your eyes catch on an inscription on the inner band. Squinting, you can just make it out.
2013.11.13 King Pen
You’re pretty sure the numbers are a date. November 13, 2013, to be exact. But King Pen. You have no idea what that is.
It sounds like it could be related to boxing, maybe. Pulling out your phone, you do a quick online search.
The results that flood your screen are mostly generic, nothing that gives you any real leads. You try a few different search combinations, including the date and finally, the name of your city.
That does send an old article to the top of your search results. Something published in a local newspaper in 2007.
Clicking on the link, you scan the article for anything relevant.
Samuel Kang, one line towards the beginning reads, shared his plans to open a boxing gym right here in the city. Although there are other similar gyms in nearby towns, this would be the first gymnasium dedicated solely to boxing in the area.
You skip down a few more lines.
When asked if he knows what he’d like to call his project, Kang just smiles and nods his head. “King Pen,” he tells us. “I plan to call it King Pen.”
You frown. Your earlier search is proof enough that King Pen never came to fruition. As a final attempt at getting some answers, you type Samuel Kang into the search bar instead.
This time, the first article that pops up does carry an air of familiarity. Clicking on it, you confirm your suspicion.
Samuel Kang, as it turns out, never opened a boxing gym called King Pen. But he did open one called Kang’s Gym.
Looking through the photo gallery, the weightlifting equipment appears to have been in much better shape in 2008 than it was a couple of weeks ago. But even though the paint was still bright and the training pads were fully intact, it is undoubtedly the same exact gym.
There’s no reason for you to go there now. If anything, you should just drive straight to Jay’s house. But something still doesn't sit right with you.
Why does Jay’s ring say King Pen instead of Kang’s Gym? Especially since it’s dated five whole years after the gym opened under its actual name.
Besides, the gym is on your way to Jay’s apartment. If anything, it’s just a quick pit stop. A confirmation that you’re not going crazy.
Putting your car in drive, you set the ring on your passenger seat and drive out of the parking lot.
It’s already dark by the time you’re pulling into Kang’s Gym. Switching your car off, you remove your key from the ignition.
Your automatic headlights still illuminate the strangely full parking lot in front of you. Frowning, you wonder why so many people are here. Even the night that you came with Jay, the parking lot wasn’t nearly this full, and yet, most of the boxing rings inside were occupied.
Stepping out of your car, you close the door behind you softly. You’re not sure why you’re overcome with the urge to tiptoe. It’s not like you need to sneak around. You’re not doing anything wrong, after all.
But the whole thing feels strange, has you on edge. You make it only a few steps before your eyes land on a familiar car.
“Sister’s baby shower, my ass,” you whisper out loud to no one. Unless she decided to celebrate her new child at a run down boxing gym, Jay is absolutely lying to you. Because that’s his sleek black car, right in front of you. You’d recognize it anywhere.
And a few rows down, you confirm your other suspicion. You’ve never seen him drive it, but you have seen that particular navy blue SUV in the office parking garage before. Jungwon. You’re sure it’s him.
For a moment, you hesitate. It might be easier, cleaner, to just take a picture of Jay’s car and send it to him. After all, that would get your point across clearly enough. Especially if you block him afterwards.
But he’s been evasive about everything related to this place since he first brought you here. And he’s not the only one.
Eyes falling to Jungwon’s car, you decide that catching Jay in a lie isn’t the only thing you want to do tonight.
You want answers.
So the picture you take of Jay’s car remains unsent for now. Instead, you hike your bag a little further up your shoulder and continue walking in the direction of the gym.
Nearing the door, you brace yourself to be met with the large crowd that surely waits inside. Judging from the parking lot, this place must be near full capacity. But as you push through the unlocked door, the gym is completely and entirely empty.
Eerily so.
All around you, workout equipment and boxing rings sit untouched, devoid of life. There isn’t so much as a sound to disturb the uncanny silence.
Frowning, your brow creases in deep confusion. Nothing about this makes any sense.
But you didn’t come all the way here to add to your pile of questions. Instead, you push forward, past the rows of boxing rings towards the locker room where Jay left his bag a handful of nights ago.
It feels wrong to open the men’s locker room. But if no one is here, then surely it couldn’t hurt. Warily, you start to crack open the door, inch by inch.
The locker room, to your unending puzzlement, is just as empty as the rest of the gym.
You’re about to turn back to search the rest of the gym when you notice it. Just across from you, behind the first set of empty lockers. There’s another door.
It’s probably nothing, you tell yourself, even as your feet carry you closer and closer. It probably just leads to a storage closet or a boiler room or–
Pushing the door open, the first thing you’re met with is sound.
Voices. Loud voices. Lots and lots of them. In your surprise, you drop the door, and it clicks shut again.
Immediately, the sound stops. Plunged in silence again, it’s all you can do to not gasp.
Soundproof, you realize. It’s soundproof. And not just the locker room. The entire gym was dead silent until you opened this door.
This time, when you push it open, you expect the cacophonous cheers that greet you. You’re still too far away to make out what anyone is saying. Right now, it all blends into a wall of sound.
Vision is of little help, too. The only thing you see when you open the door is a staircase. In the low light, all you can tell is that it leads down.
Hoping that you’re not currently making the stupidest decision of your life, you place one tentative foot on the first step. Follow it with your other foot. And then you let the door close behind you, plunging you into complete darkness.
Immediately, a surge of panic claws at your throat. The lack of light, combined with the sheer volume of cheers and shouts, is enough to have you crawling in your skin.
Reaching blindly for the door handle behind you, you decide that sending Jay a picture of his car will have to be satisfying enough. But no matter how hard you try to twist the doorknob, it won’t budge.
No. No.
You’re trapped. Effectively locked in.
As the reality of the situation sinks in, you feel the pit of your stomach begin to drop.
Part of you wants to just stay in place, wait for whatever’s going on to end and hope that a stroke of luck will set you free. But then another thought occurs to you.
What if this is the only entrance?
You don’t know how many people are down there, but if the sound and parking lot are anything to go by, it’s a lot.
You’re sure that Jay and Jungwon are among them, but still…
Both of their warnings start to come back to you.
“He’s not who you think he is…”
“I just want you to be careful…”
“It’s important to me that you’re safe…”
Is this what they were talking about? Is this why Jungwon was so angry with Jay for bringing you here? Not because he didn’t want you to see a boxing gym, but because that’s not what this place is at all?
The more you mull it over, the more it starts to make sense.
Still submerged in darkness, you decide that the only way you’ll confirm anything is by moving forward. Slowly, you reach for your phone, turning the flashlight on its lowest setting.
Keeping it clutched in your hands in case you need to shut it off at a moment’s notice, you begin to walk, descending down the staircase.
After two flights on uneven steps, you start to see a light in the distance, a clue that you’re getting closer. And with every step you take, the voices only get louder and louder.
On the third landing, you’re given two choices: continue down the stairs or move into a hallway that stretches to your left. Deciding that staying as far away from the crowd as you can is likely your best option, you opt for the hallway.
You’ve barely walked a few feet when you nearly stumble into a wall. It’s not the end though – just a corner. The light from your phone confirms that the hallway takes a sharp turn.
Following it, you come to another door. This time, you’re even more hesitant. There could be people on the other side.
Pressing your ear against it, the only thing you hear is the same scrambled shouting, the same boisterous crowd. It’s hard to tell for certain, but you don’t hear anything that makes you think there’s someone waiting on the other side.
Slowly, carefully, you begin to open the door.
The sudden light is nearly blinding. It takes your eyes a moment to adjust, but once they do, your mouth drops open.
You were right, thankfully. The small room you enter is mercifully empty.
But it’s also lined with windows that give you a direct view into the room one level beneath you. Jaw dropping, you take in the scene below.
There must be at least five hundred people crammed into the stands that encircle the room. All of them are on their feet, shouting jeers and cheering with equal fervor.
And in the center of it all is a boxing ring. On the side that faces you, bold letters give it a name:
King Pen.
It’s empty for now, but you’re only left wondering for another handful of seconds before a middle aged man steps into the center, microphone in hand. With an open palm, he gestures towards the crowd, commanding them to listen.
Whoever he is, he holds weight here. With the flick of his hand, literally, the room all but falls silent.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” he says into the microphone. “Next up is the fight we’ve all been waiting for.”
He pauses for a moment as more cheers and shouts fill the room.
“I hope your bets are placed, because these two always manage to surprise us. Please welcome our first challenger to the ring. Back to the city for the first time in years, it’s Jaan!”
But it’s not Jaan. Or at least, it’s not someone you know as Jaan.
No, it’s Jay. The same Jay that took you to an art exhibition and convinced you to try sweet coffee instead of your usual bitter black. The same Jay that flirts with you over text and whispers sweet nothings in your ear after a long day of work.
The same Jay that lied to you about why he had to cancel your date tonight.
The crowd has barely died down when the man presses on, “And your second challenger, the reigning champion… Please give your warmest welcome for Jakah!”
The alias booms around you, echoing through the room. And of course it’s him. Of course Jakah, the reigning champion, is someone you used to think would have trouble hurting a fly.
Someone you thought embodied gentleness, patience, with every ounce of his being.
But no matter how badly you want to deny it, no matter how much the cognitive dissonance wars inside your brain, it’s him.
It’s Jungwon who enters from the other side of the ring.
“Now, remember,” the man addresses the audience again. “Cheer for your favorite. Scream at his opponent. And don’t forget our golden rule: in the King’s Pen,” he begins.
“Anything goes,” the audience shouts back in unison.
Anything? Your heart falls from your throat to the pit of your stomach. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Jay is here, that he lied to you, that he’s fighting Jungwon.
Taking a closer look at the ring beneath you, you notice the odd, rust colored stains that nearly cover it.
Blood, you realize after a sickening moment. The ring is covered in blood stains.
It makes sense, suddenly, why King Pen didn’t appear in any search results. Why this entire place is completely soundproofed. Why Jungwon wanted you to stay far, far away.
This isn’t a sparring match. It’s a duel.
One where, like the audience just affirmed, anything goes.
As the man steps out from the center of the ring, Jay and Jungwon start to circle each other, fists raised in anticipation.
Even from a distance, you can see the tight coil of muscle in their shoulders, the way their bodies prepare for the inevitable fight.
“Say it with me now, folks,” the man booms, now standing on the side of the ring.
“Three.” Jay’s eyes narrow, fists rising an inch higher.
“Two.” Jungwon flicks a stray strand of hair out of his eyes.
“One.” You feel your last bit of breath whoosh out from your lungs.
“Fight.”
It’s like a dance, you think. A sickening, deadly dance that you can’t look away from no matter how much you want to.
Despite your lack of knowledge, it quickly becomes apparent to you why this is the main event of the evening.
Where Jay is sheer, brutal strength, Jungwon is all evasion. He moves with the agility of an athlete, the lightness of a dancer.
He makes it look easy, the way he ducks beneath carefully timed swings and always seems to predict what Jay will do next.
But even dancers stumble sometimes.
You can’t help it, the gasp that slips out when one of Jay’s punches lands true. You watch, horrified, as Jungwon staggers backwards, adding to the crimson stains on the floor of the ring.
Slightly dazed, he brings the back of his palm to the broken skin along his cheekbone, assessing the damage. When he brings it in front of his face, it comes back red.
Jay takes no pity on his opponent. Following his retreat, he aims for another bruising blow. This one hits Jungwon just beneath the ribs. Echoes around the makeshift stadium with a dull thud you hear even from your hiding place.
Again, Jungwon’s sure steps falter.
The rise and fall of his chest is rapid as he struggles to catch his breath. But when he looks up again, there’s a fire in his eyes. Pure, unadulterated hatred that permeates the scant distance between him and his rival and sends a shiver down the length of your spine.
Not one to take things lying down, Jungwon takes advantage of Jay’s momentary lapse in focus.
His fist connects with the bridge of Jay’s nose with a sickening crunch. Head falling backward, the immediate flow of blood is gruesome. It drip down his chin, landing on the floor beneath him in an arrhythmic pattern.
There’s little grace to it now. Gone are the remaining fragments of inhibition as both boys put away their judgment and leave the rest to instinct.
It’s messy, sloppy, angry.
They’re so close; it’s hard to tell which blows come from who. Hard to tell whose wounds are multiplying faster, whose blood is falling more freely.
And then, just when you think you can’t stomach watching any longer, it’s done.
It’s so fast. You can’t quite be sure how it happens. But one second, both boys are standing, and the next, Jay is flat on his back, Jungwon hovering above him.
Still, the crowd is silent. Everyone’s eyes are on the ring.
Jay is down. Trapped beneath his opponent, it’s clear to you who the victory is. But then you remember the words the crowd chanted at the beginning of the fight.
Anything goes.
Your stomach twists with nausea.
Even from here, you can see the tension that still strains the muscles along Jungwon’s back. The rigidity of his shoulders.
For a moment, you think he’s going to do it. To strike again, even though victory is already in his hands.
You see his lips move with words you can’t hear. Beneath him, Jay remains stoic. There’s still fight in his eyes, even if it’s been drained from his body.
Jungwon’s mouth moves again.
This time, Jay nods. It’s a tiny movement, barely perceptible. But it’s enough.
With an agitated flair, Jungwon stands again.
Blood is still dripping from his face, his knuckles. Sweat covers his body, drenches his hair.
He’s won, yes, but the expression on his features is not one of satisfaction.
ARound him, the audience begins to boo, throwing jeers and insults like extra change. They were hoping for more than a fight. They were hoping for cruelty Jungwon isn’t willing to give.
Without a second glance back, he turns and leaves the ring.
Still reeling, you nearly jump out of your skin when the handle on the door to your room begins to turn.
If you had a stronger grip on your sense of logic, you would do something. Try to hide. Scramble to think of an excuse for your presence.
The door opens before you do any of it.
“Oh,” Heeseung says, eyes widening as he finds the room already occupied. And then it registers with him who exactly is already occupying said room. “Oh,” he repeats. “He is not going to be happy about this.”
…..
Heeseung’s fist rings out against the door in three sharp raps. For a moment, silence is the only response. And then–
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Uh,” Heeseung glances at you sideways. “I think you should open the door anyway.”
“I’m serious.” Jungwon’s voice is pure ire. “I’m not doing this with you right now, Heeseung.”
“Okay,” Heeseung concedes. “But I really still think you should open the–”
“What?”
Jungwon’s glare lands on his friend before his gaze slides to you. Immediately, his features slacken in surprise. “Oh.”
And it’s stupid, foolish, naive. But the first thing you feel when you see him standing on his own two feet is pure, unadulterated relief.
He’s injured. It’s obvious from the wounds that line his face and the way his breath is still shallow in his chest. But he’s okay.
He’s here and he’s in front of you and he’s okay.
“Yeah,” Heeseung repeats. “Like I said, I think you should–”
“Go away.”
“What?” Heeseung balks. “Where am I supposed to–”
“Away,” Jungwon reiterates, eyes still locked on you.
Heeseung is sulking, but he follows Jungwon’s command regardless. And then it’s just the two of you.
You both speak at the same time, near identical questions overlapping with one another.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Why are you here?”
A beat of silence passes. Another.
As if he is suddenly remembering your surroundings, Jungwon looks around you, a new urgency in his gaze. You don’t know what kind of consequences places like this carry, but common sense tells you it’s best that you’re not seen. “Come in,” he opens the door a bit wider, giving you space to enter.
You shouldn’t. He hasn’t lied to you, not exactly, but it’s not like he’s been particularly honest either.
And coworkers don’t owe you the truth or the nitty gritty details of their lives, but it’s been a long time since Jungwon and you treated one another like coworkers. No matter what you want to call it, the relationship that you’ve built between conversations in the workroom and email threads and kind gestures in the office feels a lot more like friendship. Or at the very least some iteration of it.
So you’re not mad at him for keeping this from you, not really.
But other emotions are swirling in your gut, and you don’t know what to do with them. Most of all, you’re worried. For his safety. For his wellbeing. For him.
Obeying his command, you step inside the small room. You hear the door click shut behind you.
Looking around, there isn’t much to see. It’s a locker room, essentially, designed for one person. There’s a counter to your left with a small first aid kit and a chair in the far corner of the room.
A gym bag, Jungwon’s you assume, rests next to it.
And, of course, there’s the two of you.
Glancing up, you take a look at him. A long, real look.
He’s wearing the same clothes he entered the ring with. A white athletic shirt that moves with him, gives his long, lean muscles space to move. To flex and contract with every shallow breath.
He’s still just as gorgeous as always, even with a split lip and a nasty cut that spans the length of his temple. Even with the bruising that’s already begun to discolor his near flawless skin.
Sighing, you nod towards the chair behind him. “Sit down.”
“What?” Confusion draws his brow downward, and he hisses in pain at the movement.
“Don’t tell me your illegal fights have ruined your hearing too.”
“What? No.” Jungwon shakes his head. “My hearing is perfectly fine, I mean.”
“Then sit.” You glance pointedly at the chair again. “Down.”
This time, he doesn’t try to argue. You watch from your periphery, frowning at the slight limp in his left leg as he walks toward the chair, easing himself down.
Reaching for the first aid kit on the counter, you bring it with you as you move across the room.
Your steps are slow and even. They carry you all the way to the far corner, until you’re forced to stop.
Standing above Jungwon, your lips pull into a tight line as you begin to assess his injuries. Hesitation might be wise, but you can’t find any of it left in you.
Your movements are sure, gentle but firm. Hands sliding to his jaw, you adjust his face slightly, turning the gash on his temple towards the light. It’s an echo of the way he examined you in the workroom, long weeks ago.
This time, it’s him that’s easily manipulable underneath your touch.
“What are you doing?” He whispers.
Your hesitation is gone, but so is your patience. “Don’t talk.” Jungwon’s lips fall shut. He’s pliant in your hands as you adjust him.
Reaching for the kit, the first thing you pull out is antiseptic cream.
“This might sting,” you whisper.
“It’s okay,” he assures you. But he hisses at the contact all the same. “Doesn’t even hurt,” he lies through gritted teeth, forcing a smile.
If he’s trying to be funny, his attempt at humor is lost on you.
Gaze still narrowed in concentration, you busy yourself by cleaning the worst of his wounds first.
As you move from his forehead to his lip, you don’t think you imagine the sharp inhale he draws between parted lips.
“It stings?” You ask him.
“Just a bit.” You feel the ghost of his whisper against your fingertips.
You look up for a moment, and you find his gaze already locked on yours. It takes a significant portion of your willpower to stop yourself from reaching up to brush his hair from his eyes.
It feels wrong, even if you call it friendship. Even if you and Jay never discussed exclusivity.
Your heart is fluttering, and that’s what makes it all seem so illicit.
With no small amount of effort, you force your eyes down again. Standing above him, your fingers move from his face to his hands. His wrist clasped in your fingers, you sink to your knees in front of him.
Jungwon swallows audibly.
Pulling his hand closer, you examine the series of shallow cuts, of angry, violet bruises that line his knuckles. With another long sigh, you reach for the cream again, applying it generously before carefully wrapping it in a bandage.
After giving the same attention to the other hand, you lean back, assessing your handiwork.
For a moment, neither of you moves. You’re still kneeling in front of him. He still sits above you.
And then, after a breath of hesitation, one carefully wrapped hand finds its way to your face.
Gently, with a touch so light you hardly feel it, he lays his open palm against the expanse of your cheek. Cradles it.
He whispers your name, and you can’t find it in you to look up.
“I don’t…” you trail off, not sure how to communicate the swirling mix of emotions simmering just beneath the surface. “I don’t want to be mad at you.”
“But you are,” Jungwon assumes. He accepts it, and he doesn’t let it change anything. His hand is steady against your cheek. His thumb starts to draw small circles, just under your earlobe.
“I’m not,” you correct. “But this isn’t…” again your words die. It’s frustrating, the way you feel like you can never be straightforward with him. The way you always feel like you have to navigate through subtext and half truths and partial reveals just to get a point across.
“But you don’t owe me anything right now.”
His thumb stills against your skin.
“We’re coworkers,” you continue. “We’re just coworkers, so it doesn’t matter if you fight in illegal boxing matches. You don’t have to worry about what I think of it, and I don’t have to be mad at you for it.”
You do look up at him, begging for a bit of his understanding. “You can be evasive with your excuses and reject all of my invitations. We can meet by chance in the workroom on Monday afternoons, and none of it ever has to mean anything. Neither of us ever has to feel anything about it.”
“But,” Jungwon whispers.
“Yeah,” you nod. Your cheek slides easily against the soft skin of his bruised hand. “But.”
Jungwon is silent for a moment, eyes darting between both of yours. Then, tentatively, he asks, “Are you mad at him?”
He doesn’t say Jay’s name, but the venom he wraps around the word is all you need to know who he’s talking about.
You shake your head, eyelids fluttering. “We’re coworkers.” You reiterate the boundaries he’s always maintained with you. “You don’t get to ask me that.”
Jungwon’s hand slides to your neck, thumb tracing the length of your jaw now. “And if I want to?”
You shake your head again. You can only give him so much on a silver platter. If he wants anything to change, he’ll have to find a bit of his own bravery. “That’s not the question you need to ask me.” Looking up at him, you draw another line. “And not tonight.”
You’ve both been through enough. Heightened emotions rarely lead to good decisions, and the last thing you want is his indecisiveness. His impulsivity.
Quietly, you stand, his hand falling from your face as you rise to full height in front of him.
His eyes look wider from this angle, from above. Even shinier than usual. No matter how many boundaries you draw or how many ways you deny him, he’s someone that’s hard to say no to. Hard to walk away from.
Steeling the last remnants of your resolve, you manage to look him in those dark, sparkling eyes when you tell him, “Good night, Jungwon.”
“Good night, ___,” he whispers to your retreating silhouette.
Closing the door behind you, you barely have a moment to catch your breath before a voice interrupts your wandering thoughts.
“You like him, don’t you?”
The gasp you give is out of shock more than anything. And the “What?” you ask is a knee jerk reaction.
“Yang.” Jay materializes from his position in the darkness, jerking his chin towards the door behind you. “You like him.”
Immediately, you find yourself on the defense. Even if you’re just delaying the inevitable, it’s cagey when you tell him. “We work together.”
Jay just looks at you. “My favorite color is green.”
“What?”
“Sorry,” Jay’s tone is flat. He’s not annoyed, but he’s coming close to it. “I thought we were stating irrelevant facts.”
With a sigh, he drags an open palm down his face. “I know you work together. But you like him, too," he sighs again, reading the horror in your expression. Mostly due to the fact that he read you like an open book when you thought you were keeping your feelings close to the chest. “I’m not… mad. It sucks, but it’s not like I was honest with you either. I’m sorry, by the way, for lying about tonight.”
It’s too much to process, all at once. Your head is swimming and your heart is pounding.
It was a shitty thing to do, yes, but–
“You don’t have to say sorry–”
Again, Jay doesn’t let you finish. “I’m not saying sorry because I have to. I’m saying it because I am. I like you.” He’s so honest. So blunt with his feelings. He makes things so easy. “I like spending time with you. I think we both know that’s not enough anymore,” he casts another meaningful glance at the door behind him. The one that leads to Jungwon’s locker room, “but it’s still true.”
“I…” you trail off, unsure what to say. He’s not wrong. In fact, he’s all but hit the nail right on the head. With deadly accuracy.
Heeseung was the one that found you, that brought you to Jungwon, but still.
It’s not Jay that you checked in on fist. It’s not Jay whose wounds you just cleaned. It’s not Jay who you’re thinking about now.
Like he said, it sucks, but it’s still true.
Jay has bruises, too. Has cuts that line his knuckles and his jaw. He’s here because he’s part of an illegal underground boxing ring. He lied to you about it.
But you just… you’re not mad at him about it. And that’s the final nail in the coffin.
Jay just looks at you for a moment longer. For the third time, he sighs. “You’re really gonna make me do this part too?” He inhales, steeling his resolve. “Okay, then. ___, I think we should–”
“I think we should stop seeing each other,” you finish for him. You can give him at least that much. “I had a great time getting to know you, but I think we want different things right now. I wish you all the best. Really, you’re a great guy, Jay.”
He is.
“I mean it.”
You do.
“Thank you, ___.”
He means it too.
When Jay walks away from you, his shoulders are straight and his head is high.
You feel a lot of things, as you watch his retreating figure.
But no matter how deep you search, regret isn’t one of them.
…..
Monday morning brings with it a distinct sort of dread.
Partly because it marks the beginning of another long week. Mostly because going back to the office means potentially seeing him.
If you’re honest with yourself, you’re not sure if you’re ready for that. If you’re ready to face the feelings you’ve been forcing down for months and the potential fallout they may bring with them.
So, when you open your inbox first thing in the morning, an unreasonable request from your supervisor isn’t the thing you’re most afraid of finding.
Jungwon, however, isn’t planning to stick to old routines. When he seeks you out, he does it in person.
Grace’s eyes are anywhere but on her own work when he walks through the door of the marketing department half past ten.
“___,” he breathes.
The wounds on his face are already fading, hardly even noticeable. You wish you could say the same for the turmoil raging inside of you. You can’t decide if you want to throw your arms around his neck or tell him to fuck off.
In the end, you just look at him blankly.
“Can we…” he trails off, visibly frustrated. He isn’t sure how to do this either. “Can you help me with something? In the workroom. I think the printer is acting up again.”
The printer is fine. You used it five minutes ago.
But he’s not asking you to help him with work or the printer or anything else. He’s asking for a bit of your time, a fraction of your understanding.
It’s messy. It has so much potential for heartbreak, for complication.
But he’s here and he’s looking at you like your answer means the world to him. Like he might forget how to breathe if you don’t say yes.
So, with a rising bout of uncertainty, you tell him, “Let’s go take a look at it.”
The printer, just as you suspected, is in perfect working order. Jungwon doesn’t even spare it a second look.
Instead, he closes the door to the workroom behind you. And then he says, “I started boxing when I was a kid. I think I was eight, nine maybe.”
“What are you–”
“Just listen,” Jungwon begs. “Please.”
You want to protest. You’re not sure why, but the urge is strong. But after a moment of warring with yourself, you finally nod, giving him permission to continue.
“It was just a hobby. Something to keep me busy on long afternoons when both of my parents were working in the restaurant my family owned. But I kept at it, and they could see how much I enjoyed it. By the time I was ten, my mom enrolled me in actual classes.”
Jungwon smiles, reminiscing on the tidbits of a happy childhood. But then his smile starts to falter. “A few months later, my grandpa died. It wasn’t a surprise exactly, but it did have some unexpected consequences on the business. My family started to struggle. With money, more than anything.”
He sighs, and your heart hurts for a past version of him, too young to make sense of all of the sudden changes in his life. “I had to quit taking lessons. I kept practicing on my own, though. And when I started middle school, there was a free boxing club I joined. I met a lot of my friends there. Heeseung, who you met the other night, along with a few others. I also met Jay.”
Jungwon’s lips pull into a line. “I didn’t hate him. Not exactly. He was nice enough, and we had a lot in common. But he had everything that I wanted. Money, mostly. His family never had to worry about it. He could take private lessons and always had all the nicest gear. He didn’t flaunt it, but I noticed. And I envied him for it.”
Looking back at you, he continues, “Heeseung was the one that found the King Pen. He was like me, in a way. His family didn’t come from money. We were young, too young, but we were good. We made them money, so they let us fight. Jay found out and wanted in too. It didn’t matter that he didn’t need the prize money. He just wanted to prove that he was better than us. That he was the best. It was me and him in my very first championship fight. He won, and I hated him for it.”
The ring, you realize. Jay’s ring that he dropped in your car. It was a championship ring.
Jungwon looks down at his hands. The bandages that you put there. “He moved away once high school started. We didn’t keep in direct contact or anything, but I always heard about him. Jay and his international boxing titles. Jay and his new sponsorship deal with a major boxing gym. It just added fuel to the fire that was already there. Made me resent him more, even if it wasn’t his fault.”
No matter how you spin it, you can’t imagine any of that was easy to deal with. Especially as a teenager.
“With him gone, though, I started to make real money fighting. Good money. I lied to my parents and told them I got a part time job. Moving cargo so that they wouldn’t be too suspicious when I came home with bruises.”
Jungwon flexes his fingers. “Boxing became my saving grace. I could give a good chunk of my earnings to my family, and the rest of it, I saved. It put me through university. Let me earn my programming degree.”
You understand him a bit more, then. Why he never seemed annoyed by his job. Why even things like jammed printers never seemed to get to him. He’s thankful for where he is. Has nothing but gratitude for his job when he earned it with years of his own blood, sweat, and tears.
“I have a steady income now, but it’s just… hard, I guess. To let that part of me go. And if I’m honest, part of me has always been afraid too. I mean, my parents had a steady income until they didn’t, you know? I like knowing that even if something happens here, I’ll still be able to support myself. And them.”
It makes sense. It does.
“And then Jay came back.” Jungwon scoffs. “He’d barely been in town for a full twenty-four hours when he showed up at Kang’s with all of his fancy gear and asked to be added to the roster for the next round of fights. And then he showed up there with you and I… I thought I was actually going to lose it.”
Even now, Jungwon’s shoulders are visibly tense. “The actual gym is usually fine, safe for outsiders, but still. He shouldn’t have risked your safety like that. He should have known better. And I…” Jungwon trails off again.
You don’t think you’re imagining the slight tinge of pink that starts to color his cheekbones.
“I was already having a bad enough time with the fact that you were seeing someone. When it turned out to be him, I just… Well, you know.”
Jungwon takes a deep breath in, releases a long exhale.
“I don’t like making bets, and I don’t like situations I can’t predict. Things I don’t have control over. I guess that’s part of the reason why I always liked boxing so much. In the ring, I feel like I have a say in what happens. That even if I lose, it’s because I didn’t move fast enough. I didn’t think quick enough. Things I have control over. Things I can get better at.”
Jungwon looks at you. “I hate guessing. I hate having to wonder. I like sure things.”
His chest is rising and falling a little faster now. Your breath is just as shallow.
“What are you saying?” you ask him.
“I’m saying that I don’t just want to be coworkers with you. I want you to be mad at me for fighting in illegal underground boxing matches.” Jungwon’s gaze is imploring, pleading for your understanding as his eyes search yours. “I want you to call me when the printer jams and when you have a hard day and when you want someone to go to a stupid work event with you on a Friday night.”
He takes a step closer to you, and you feel your spine press against the door of the workroom.
“I want you to be a sure thing,” he breathes, “even if everything about you – the way I feel about you, the thoughts I have about you, the things I want to do to you – have always felt out of my control.”
“Oh.” Your voice is small. Your mouth is dry. Caged in against the door, words are suddenly a hard thing to come by.
“Oh,” Jungwon echoes. “Is that a yes?”
He’s even closer now. Nose brushing against yours, he interlaces the fingers of his less injured hand with yours, reaching up until your hands are intertwined above your head.
“No,” you shake your head.
“Mm,” Jungwon hums, and you feel the vibration travel the length of your spine, settling somewhere deep, just beneath your navel. His lips brush against the corner of your mouth when he asks, “It’s a no, then?”
Again, you shake your head. Trapped in his embrace, the movement is tiny, restricted. Sends goosebumps scattering across your skin everywhere the two of you are touching.
“An oh is just an oh,” you tell him. “This is a yes.”
There isn’t any distance to close. Just pressure to add. He accepts it willingly, even if the sudden contact against the still broken skin of his bottom lip has him releasing a hiss through his teeth.
It’s a discomfort he gets over quickly. His other hand, the one not currently tangled with yours, relocates to the curve of your jaw before he’s doubling down, pain all but forgotten as his lips part against yours.
A repeated motion. A rhythm that’s stilted at first but starts to feel natural the longer you continue.
Over and over. Again and again until the action starts to feel useless. Until you’re not quite sure where his breath ends and yours begin.
You’re in the office workroom, pressed against the door, and the printer is starting to beep in protest.
You’re sure you’ll be thoroughly embarrassed when you inevitably leave long minutes later with mussed hair and swollen lips and a certain programmer trailing behind you that can’t contain his self-satisfied smile.
But for now, you get what he means. It feels good. It feels like relief, to finally know where you stand with him.
So instead of worrying about what your supervisor will think of your mussed collar and smudged lipstick, you pull him down a little firmer by the back of the neck, fingers tangling in the hair along his nape.
You sigh into his mouth, and the fervor he returns with leaves you well and truly breathless.
And for once, it feels like a sure thing.
…..
epilogue
Jungwon: SOS
Jungwon: Babyyyyyyyy
Jungwon: I know you’re reading my messages
Jungwon: PLEASE ___ I really need your help
You: I’m BUSY what do you need
Jungwon: The printer is jammed again
You: And what do you want me to do about that? Call maintenance
Jungwon: Oh please
Jungwon: Last time I called maintenance they sent a guy that couldn’t tell A4 from A3 this is not the job for them
Jungwon: Plus they don’t have the magic touch like you
You: Literally what are you talking about
You: The last time I tried to fix the printer, I broke it so bad it was out of commission for two whole weeks
You: The entire floor was mad at me
You: I had to buy Grace coffee every day for TWO WEEKS
Jungwon: PLEASEEEEEE
Jungwon: Just try once and if it doesn’t work I’ll call maintenance
Jungwon: I promise
You: …
You: FINE
You: On my way
Tucking your phone back into your pocket, you sigh. The workroom door opens with little resistance, but as soon as you step inside, you frown.
Jungwon, for starters, is nowhere to be seen.
And the printer, at least from first impressions, appears to be working just fine. Completely jam-free.
You’re not left in the dark for long. A moment later, the door opens behind you.
Tumbling in like an overexcited kitten, your boyfriend looks all too enthused to be dealing with a supposed jammed printer.
Gesturing towards the machine in question, you frown at him. “What were you talking about? The printer is perfectly f–”
He cuts you off with the press of his lips against your own, pushing you backwards until you run into the printer, spine arching against the copier tray.
“Jungwon,” you protest once he finally lets you up for air. “It’s like you want HR to start a case against us. You have got to stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” He feigns innocence, even as he leans in again for another long kiss.
“Mm,” you mumble, breaking free again. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Faking printer emergencies as an excuse to make out. We’re at work.”
Jungwon leans back, but the only thing he uses the space for is to let himself scan you from head to toe. Biting his bottom lip, he runs a set of fingers through the hair that falls across his forehead. “You know, you’re a really terrible liar.”
“I’m not ly–”
“If you actually wanted me to stop, you wouldn’t fall for it every.” He presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. “Single.” The top of your cheekbone. “Time.” The corner of your mouth.
And you hate to admit it, but he kind of has you there.
“Whatever.” You pout, but he just uses it as an excuse to plant another long kiss on your pursed lips. “I’m serious, Jungwon,” you tell him, even if you’re just as breathless as he is, despite the fact that you’re actively pulling him in by the back of his neck. “This has to be the last time.”
“Mm,” he smiles against your lips. “Sure thing, ___.”
…..
outtake — seven months ago.
The tinted window of Jungwon’s secondhand car is hardly an ideal mirror, but he’ll have to make it work.
Giving himself a final once over, he straightens his already immaculate tie. Tugs at the collar of his button down shirt so that it lays just a little bit nicer, the edges of the folds just a fraction of a millimeter sharper.
Bending slightly, he smooths down his hair, pushing it away from his eyes. Catching his reflection again, he suddenly has second thoughts about the version of himself that he sees.
Bleaching his hair had seemed like a good – no, great – idea a few weeks ago. But now, dressed in business casual and about to begin his first day at a new job, doubts start to swirl through Jungwon’s mind.
What if they don’t think the blonde is professional enough? What if it breaks some kind of unspoken dress code?
He knows it doesn’t break the actual, company mandated dress code. Mostly because he’s already read through the handbook.
Twice.
With annotations.
Frowning slightly, Jungwon tilts his head to the side. He’s gotten pretty good with concealer, but there’s still a faint purplish tint that sits just along the edge of his jaw.
It takes a decent amount of effort not to wince at the memory. Sunghoon had gotten him good that day.
Jungwon forces his shoulders to relax. Forces himself to take one big breath in. Release it out slowly.
He has no reason to panic. He went through the same, brutal rounds of interviews as everyone else and was deemed to be the most qualified candidate. He graduated summa cum laude in the same field he’ll be employed in now.
And it’s not like anyone’s going to be looking at his face close enough to notice any slight discoloration. Or, at least, he doesn’t think they will.
To be honest, he’s not really sure how this whole thing works. Office jobs, no matter how many online forums he’s scoured and articles he’s read, are still a bit of a mystery to him.
He hates it. Hates feeling out of his depth and ill prepared. Hates knowing that he’ll have to ask too many questions and stumble through tasks until he gets the basics down.
But part of him is excited too.
He did it. Standing in the parking lot of an otherwise rather unremarkable company, it hits him all at once.
He actually fucking did it.
All those nights in the ring. Every bruise, every scar, every drop of blood. Every saved penny, every skipped opportunity.
They landed him here. An 8 to 5 office job that isn’t flashy or anything special from the outside, but to him, means the world.
He’ll have it all: a steady salary, a place to be in the mornings, coworkers to notice when he’s not around. It’s not much, but it’s his.
So, with one last deep inhale, Jungwon turns away from his car window and tracks a steady path on even footsteps towards the front door.
And a handful of hours later, when Terry from accounting is still talking his ear off about his son’s latest hockey match in the doorway of the staff kitchen, Jungwon’s heart gives an unsteady lurch.
“Hey, Terry,” you nod in acknowledgement, entering the kitchen in search of an early afternoon refill for your empty coffee mug. “Hey, oh.” Your eyes meet his, lips parting. Your words die when you realize you don’t know what to call him. When you realize you’ve never actually seen him before.
And it’s not like Jungwon has never seen a pretty girl before, but – oh.
Oh.
Dressed in a rather simple, work approved ensemble, hair loose around your face, there’s nothing specific that he can pinpoint. All Jungwon knows is that there’s something about you that makes him want to keep looking.
“Jungwon,” he supplies, a bit breathlessly.
Behind him, Terry is still regaling the details of his kid’s game-winning goal.
Eyes locked on him, a beat of heavy silence passes. And then –
“Hi, Jungwon.”
Your eyes. He thinks it must be your eyes. Or maybe your lips. The delicate curve of your cheekbone. His gaze can’t decide where to land.
“Hi,” he manages.
Eyes sliding over his shoulder to Terry, you release a small, amused breath. “Hey, Terry?”
Stopping mid sentence, the middle aged man turns to you. “Oh, hi, ____. How are you?”
___. Jungwon thinks it suits you. A pretty name for a pretty girl.
“Just fine, thanks.” You flash him a quick smile. Just a bare hint, and Jungwon feels his knees getting a little wobbly beneath him. “But I was wondering if you could help me with something.”
“Of course,” Terry nods a little too enthusiastically. Fifteen years at the same company, and he’s the kind of person that still jumps at the opportunity to be needed. Helpful. Jungwon thinks it’s kind of sweet, even if he wishes the man’s gift for brevity in storytelling could be a bit more apparent.
“You know the printer in the workroom?”
Terry nods.
“It’s jammed again,” you frown, the slightest hint of a pout pulling at your lips. Jungwon can’t quite find it in himself to look away from the movement. “Do you think you could take a look at it for me?”
Terry beams. “Of course! I’d be happy to.”
And then it’s just the two of you.
“He means well.” You smile again, softer this time. Like you’re discussing an inside joke only the two of you know about.
Jungwon is suddenly finding his breath a difficult thing to maintain.
“Does the printer do that a lot?” He finally manages to ask. “Jam, I mean.”
“All the time.” You roll your eyes. “You’d think a company raking in this much profit would have the cash to spare on a new machine, but no. This entire floor is just ill fated to suffer” There’s an air of humor to your words, a slight hint of teasing, even if Jungwon thinks there’s an undercurrent of truth to your words.
You smile again. Teeth tugging at your bottom lip, Jungwon can only describe your expression as slightly devious. “It’s not jammed now, though.”
His brow furrows. “It’s not?”
You shake your head. “I was given the gory details of Terry’s son’s soccer game yesterday. Trust me, I saved you a headache and an extra thirty minutes.” You wink at him, and Jungwon really, really hopes the sudden heat in his cheeks doesn’t look as obvious as it feels.
“I think it was a hockey match, actually.”
“Oh.” You pause for a moment, considering. “Right.”
A moment of silence passes. Another. Jungwon has never minded the quiet, but he’s not quite ready for this interaction to end. Suddenly, he feels like he’s scrambling for something to prolong it.
“Thank you.”
Your brow furrows. “For what.”
“The extra thirty minutes and the absence of a headache.” Jungwon taps two fingers against his temple. “I appreciate it.”
“Ah,” you smile, and this time it’s a bit brighter, wider. Jungwon, not for the first time today, thanks his lucky stars that he was accepted for this position. That it landed him here, sharing a staff kitchen with someone like you. “Anytime.”
He hopes you mean it.
And when you turn away from him a few moments later, original mission to refill your coffee remembered, Jungwon looks up at the ceiling with his eyes screwed shut and takes a long, much needed breath.
“Jungwon,” you turn back. Luckily, he’s just returned to a more natural standing position.
“Yeah?”
“It’s nice to meet you. Don’t let this place get you down too quickly.” You wink again. Jungwon does his best to keep his features neutral. “I’ll see you around, yeah?”
“Yeah,” he agrees, even though you’ve already turned back to the coffee machine. “Sure thing, ___.”
⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖⋆.˚⟡ ࣪ ˖
note: and we're done! thank you for reading! and thank you for bearing with me and the fact that this unfortunately had to be split into two parts. I hope you enjoyed this story, and as always, I would love to hear any thoughts you have. all the best ♡
#jungwon fanfiction#jungwon fanfic#jungwon x you#jungwon x reader#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen fanfic#enhypen x you#enhypen x reader#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#jungwon scenarios#jungwon imagines
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thank you for the tag @smolldragon! gonna do it on my main just so its easier for me to keep track of haha
3 Ships:
shiguang (cheng xiaoshi/lu guang - link click)
superbat (superman/batman - dc)
(lemon im stealing urs xD) yoohankim (yoo joonghyuk, han sooyoung, kim dokja - omniscient reader's viewpoint)
First Ship Ever:
i literally don't remember LMAO hm probably percabeth from percy jackson and the olympians?
Last Song You Heard: (lemon ur song slaps btw)
game on by club danger
Favorite Childhood Book:
uhh i dont remember tbh rip but if we can count teens as childhood then hunger games or the kite runner
Currently Reading: (a lot of things...ima try to keep it concise but we all know that word is my enemy)
orv webnovel (my dumbass read till 91% like a year ago, forgot everything/life happened, then decided to reread again so im like 41% ish through again now)
my usual webtoon obsessions but lately especially: in the bleak midwinter, the mafia nanny, the world is money and power
breakwater by katriona chapman (love it so far)
the ultimate guide to birds of north america (ive had this book for like, idk at least 7 years just havent read it yet till now oop)
a month of sundays by courtney pepperell (lovee)
the song of achilles by madeline miller (dont ask me when i started this and why i havent finished yet KLSJADF)
1984 by george orwell
Currently Consuming:
heater air lmao
Currently Craving:
(also hugs xD), lemonade, goldfish, motivation to do work, motivation to edit gifs, anti-procrastination medicine
tagging: @dimobserver @p0l-anka @khunned @juyuu @new-romantic-sailors @stars-seas-and-symphonies @step-on-me-khun @mothnoodle @birdmenmanga and anyone else who wants to join, feel free!
9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better:
Tagged by @goth-automaton yo! thanks for the tag :)
3 Ships I like: mannn jus' three? okay my favored children are Nemestine, Creva, and Weskertine
First Ship Ever: Freddy Kruger/Nancy Thompson. I am nothing if not consistant in my villian/final girl (heroine) pair supremacy
Last Song You Heard: "Renegade (We Never Run)" off the Arcane Season 2 soundtrack
Favorite Child Lichhood Book: "Where the Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak
Currently Reading: Still reading those Resi Novels by S.D. Perry whenever I get a chance to
Currently Watching: Arcane, Season 2
Currently Consuming: nothing, I ate [sou- redacted] before doing this, woops
Currently Craving: a good strong drink but that requires me to get up and pour a glass and I don't feel like pushing through the multiple layers of reality to grab a [redacted] to swig down my [also redacted]
Tags for 9 people pffh I tag whoever I want:
@naerwenia
@coiled-dragon
@s-dei
@lmshady
@depraveddove
@the-bar-sinister
@unchartedperils
@sweet7simple
@meltic-daze
@meiguiuk
and whoever else wants to I'm not your parental aid
#tag game#no pressure btw guys just if yall wanna do it for fun#now that ive typed out everything im reading that sounds kind of insane#but i have more free time now so yay#...i now know the answer to the question if im the type of person who finishes a book before starting another one or reads like 10 at once.#i have like mroe books on my bookshelf with like bookmarks stuckin them from ages ago#whoopsiedais...#side note but on storygraph i was buddy reading with a friend for 'they both die at the end'#bro texts me yday saying he FINISHED IT in 3 days#didnt even tell me he started. rude#now i have to read that too asap#more lore bc i cant shut up im just going to thank veronica roth for the shitty ending to allegiant for getting me into fics#i ltierally googled better endings for divergent LMAO#anyways whoeevrs read till here ty for ur patience
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SHIFTING ISN'T SPECIAL
please bare with me on this one bc it might be a bit longer than i expected (and excuse my very bad title-naming skills 😭)
in this essay i will try to put down in words exactly what i realised today as i started my first day into reprogramming my mind, something that i’m doing while following reya singh’s method. what is that?
shifting IS easy.
yes, i know everybody says it, but it’s the truth and i’m not telling you this as someone who shifts regularly to her drs, because i don’t (yet!). however, it did just click in my mind why people always say it and mean it. and i feel incredibly stupid for not understanding it waaay earlier than just now, 4 years into my journey.
now, let me walk you through the thought process behind this.
in reya’s 4-day method for reprogramming your mind, she instructs to write a list of your beliefs and non-beliefs. this may sound really silly and kinda useless at first - believe me, i woke up this morning thinking “what exactly am i supposed to do after that?” - but there’s a valid reason for it, which is to help you delete from your mind the idea that shifting is like a superpower that’s simply not for everyone and very hard to reach, when that is not the case at all!
in my own beliefs list, i’ve written “i am capable of shifting” right in between “i can speak english”, “i can write and read” and “i can eat --” (and some other things like “i can’t eat gluten”, bc i have celiac disease, “i can dream”, we all do! and “i can lucid dream”). you see where i’m going with this? i’m putting shifting in the same category as things we all normally do, that we sometimes don’t even think about doing since they’re such a natural activity. to this list i could add “i can breathe”, because we do it automatically, without even realising unless we focus on it. the same can be said for drinking or eating really, if you’re angry or thirsty you just go and get whatever pleases you the most and not dwell on it.
in the non-beliefs list, i’ve written obvious things like santa and the easter bunny (which isn’t common here in italy tbf but yeah) and sentences like “i can’t swim”, “i can’t draw”, “i can’t eat strawberries” and in between them also “i don’t fear shifting”. here, the point is that all these listed beliefs are stuff i know for a fact to be false: i can swim perfectly, i am an artist and i love strawberries + i’m not allergic to them or anything. by placing shifting there, i'm stating that just like i KNOW i can swim or whatever, i also KNOW i'm not scared of shifting.
you’re literally gaslighting your subconscious mind into believing what is real for a fact and what isn’t.
after writing down this list, which can be done on paper just like on your preferred device, i reread everything twice explaining to myself why i chose these things and why they are beliefs or not. that’s how i realised that shifting is easy. when people talk about it “clicking” they weren’t lying!
shifting isn’t special, this is what the list thing tries to prove you. it’s not special because, just like breathing and eating and reading, we do it subconsciously everyday. take your own first language: you speak it naturally without having to doubt it, and if you know a second language well enough like i know english for instance (my mother-tongue is italian) then you can even start talking to yourself and think in that language without having to search up translations.
what’s the difference with shifting then?
the difference is that shifting hasn’t been taught to us in the same way as a language has been, all throughout school. the same thing goes for reading and writing: we read and write naturally because we’ve been taught how to when we were young and it’s now engraved in our brains, just like with learning our first language, which is something we normally do thanks to our teachers, our families and the people around us, of course. this doesn’t happen with shifting in most cases, as we all know, which means it’s normal for it to take a bit to grasp as a concept and existing thing/activity. it’s natural, most of us human beings just don’t know about it, nor that we’re capable of doing it.
this is why i said it’s not special: just like breathing, everybody can do it (and so do you)!
going back to the non-beliefs list; i should also add that as a society we usually are taught what to believe in from a young age, and specifically what is believed to be a fantasy, a dream, or something real. as grown-ups, though, we have the right to believe in whatever we want, like shifting. as a realistic person, i understand that some people may have a hard time believing something as great as shifting could be true, because it genuinely doesn’t sound like it! so yes, this is also a factor that can and does make it harder for someone to trust their guts and expect to wake up somewhere that’s only fictional here.
shifting clicks for everybody at different times, but i hope this post will help some of you here understand it better and know that what more experienced shifters say always has a meaning, you just need the time to properly reflect on it to get it!
when it clicked for me a few hours ago i felt a huge rush of adrenaline and happiness bc yes, i can actually shift. i’m just overcomplicating it for no reason and so many of you are doing the same!
it’s okay though, we’ll all get there <3
(psa: if you saw any grammar mistakes or anything NO YOU DIDN'T and also please don't mind if this rant doesn't sound logical, i tried my best to explain myself like i wanted to 🥲)
#lola’s thoughts ✮#shiftblr#shifting blog#shifting realities#shifting community#shifting IS easy#shifting motivation#shifting antis dni#reality shifting#shifting methods#desired reality
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since we don't really know anything about the curtis' extended family i feel like that means that the brother's parents weren't close to them and of course there has to be a reason for that (and if there isnt lets just pretend there is) so could we get some hcs for somehow all of them getting together to celebrate the holidays and they learn that reason?? whatever it may be (also get the shepards in there because i looooooove them, perhas even some little things of them defending the brothers for whatever reasons)
rubbing my hands together i was actually thinking of something like this earlier
•lets say the reason y the curtis parents arent close to their own is bc mrs curtis was a soc who got w mr curtis (who was a greaser, duh)!!! her parents aint approve and they ran away, andddd thats how the curtis parents ended up where they were
•mrs curtis said they never saw her part of the family bc they were too far away, while mr curtis said his part of the family were dead (and he was kinda right, he meant they were dead to HIM but now a good portion of that family IS actually dead, whoops), non of the bros rlly questioned it nor did they have a HUGE curiosity for visiting em, just something they never questioned
•howeverrrrr, mrs curtis’ family did know about pony, soda, and darry, bc mrs curtis sent some pics of the family bc she did always miss them, but they never responded to those letters, untillllll
•one day!!! darry found a letter from their grandma, for their mom!! it was around the holidays and she was wondering if she wants to come over w the family (begrudgingly mr curtis too) to celebrate it w the family after years being apart, and darry just, didnt know how to react to that
•he didnt immediately tell soda or pony, he would just reread it over and over, wondering if he should respond, and if he did how the hellllll was he gonna tell her she died years ago,,,,
•when darrys in doubt, he confides in tim cause he thinks tims the closest hes gonna get to someone understanding how he feels and hes not even wrong!!! a drink w tim is like darrys therapy, but this time all tim could do was listen, this situation too fucked up even for him😭😭, all he said to darry was that theres no wrong decision for him here, he was forced into it, so whatever happens, he tried his best w what he was given
•since the holidays were approaching, darry realized he would have to tell pony and soda about this too, he feels its especially unfair for HIM to decide for all of them, shes their grandma just as much as she is his after all
•now for soda, out if the brothers hes always been the most curious about meeting his extended family, but finally having that chance and the context behind y theyve never seen em, i cant say hes saying a straight up “yes” to this, he wants to go but its not gonna b the way hes been hoping for, for years, so would it really b worth it??? would they b accepted even if theyre greasers???? this could fuck up his holidays for the next few years depending on how traumatizing this is!!!
•ponys just like darry, hes not saying no, but also saying yes either, hes so on the fence about it. of course he’s learned not to judge soc’s, but this is so much more personal and TIED to him, is he mentally ready to face on all this bs???? he dunno
•pony remembers the multiple times his mom said he looked just like his grandma and would stare at him, and he could see darry staring the same way at him, it kinda freaks him out and makes him feel bad, he cant look darry in the eyes</333
•he opened up to curly about it n curly was crackin jokes, he cant take not SHIT seriously 100%🙄🙄, BUT like tim, he did have just one thing to say, ur not obligated to do it, dont base this off of ehat ur parents wouldve wanted, do it how U do
•feels like this would also mean that if ppl found out about the situation, they would see the curtis’ as “lesser greasers” bc in their eyes, they were greasers by choice, but anyone who questions the curtis’ identity shall b beaten or intimidated by one of the shepards and their goons
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A text conversation with my parental figures:
Me: “Got a bread machine at a thrift store with my girlfriend 😌
Found myself a love for making bread
It brings me back to watchin' you bake bread and make pizza dough. I remember you would freeze the dough to have an easier time makin' meals later.
It's such a vibe and it makes me feel happy because I can express my care for other people with fresh baked bread now.”
Aunt: “That's great [DEADNAME]. It's really good to know you have some good memories”
Me:
-Image depicted is a drinking glass-
“"Oh look! Sand!"
It's what you sound like right now :/“
Aunt/Uncle:
“I don't get it”
Me:
“Maybe pictures don't show for you via text.
Sent an image of a glass, the type you would hold drinks in, such as water.
Calling me by "son" and my dead name is like calling this glass sand. :/“
Aunt/Uncle:
“[DEADNAME] you didn't die. You have always been [DEADNAME]. You can't make me believe in a fairytale. Something you made up in your brain.
If you told me I have to start calling you Andre and Start looking at you and treating you as such, because you are an 8 foot tall giant I couldn't do that either. I refuse to get down on the floor and look up to you like you are a giant. You are no more an 8 foot giant than you are a girl. I cannot see you that way. I cannot treat you that way. I don't know how far you are planning on going down this rabbit hole. But you better be damn sure you have done all the research. Once things get cut off there is no going back! I raised 6 boys and 1 girl.”
Me:
“The fairytale is thinking that I'm this image you've built for me based on your own misconceptions about the world. 😩
There's a butt load of medical research, literature, and history that you could read to understand the phenomena that is the existence and validity of transgender people. It would benefit you to learn it because ya clearly don't have an inkling about the subject given your piss poor analogies.
But I can't expect y'all to read it because y'all have told me ya can't even be bothered to read your own holy book. The hypocrisy at tellin' me to reread it is wild to me.
Y'all are so trapped by your ignorance ya can't even see I'm thriving over here and how much good it's done for my mental, emotional, and physical health.
I wanted very much to have a healthy relationship with my parental figures, to let y'all be part of my life, but y'all are proving to be toxic as fuck. Quite frankly I don't need it and am content to disconnect to leave ya to your own business. This grown ass woman has her own life to live ✌️🕊️”
Aunt/Uncle:
“We have read the Bible. And even your "research" isn't in the Bible. We will always love you [DEADNAME]. We just don't agree with you. You are the only one disconnecting from us because we don't agree.
And my analogy isn't any more piss poor than yours”
Me:
“"I know you are, but what am I?"
Is what you sound like
And nah, you don't get to be hateful and say that you love me. It doesn't matter your intentions, you're acting shitty. I'm disconnecting because you're acting shitty towards me and I have way too much self respect to accept this treatment.”
Aunt/Uncle:
“I am not being shitty to you. I am allowed to disagree with you. It is a free country. We do love you whether you believe it or not”
Me:
“You're not acting like it 😩
I'm okay with you believing differently. What I'm not okay with is the shitty behavior stemming from those beliefs and I reserve the right to disassociate from the toxicity.
I'm not gonna pretend to be someone or something I'm not just because you can't unpack your own biases.
If y'all want to still be a part of my life you're gonna have to meet me where I'm at with this. Otherwise, señora”
Aunt/Uncle:
“We will pray for you [DEADNAME]. We love you”
Me:
“Lies and pettiness
I don't need your prayers
Focus them on yourselves”
Aunt/Uncle:
“Good bye”
Me:
“Bye”
Below is the image from earlier:
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Okay…okay! I have so much to say and I need to get everything that I am feeling and thinking out because OMG
Pregnancy reveal/post by Sarah and John B?!? OMG YESSSSS. Also Pope in the comments being like; “this is why he keeps canceling boys night.” I can’t with them. I love them all, love all the little details and all the little dynamics.
POPE FINALLY GETTING ON COOKING WITH CLEO🥳🗣️🥳🗣️ yesssss it’s happening. I was with my mans waiting for this. Also FOUR YEARS?!? Cleo wrong for that lmao and then dedicating it to the reader. I love our wife fr. She’s the best. Another detail I love is how close we are to Cleo and Pope. Love our besties, love our husband and wife💙🩵🫶 Also John B and Cleo in the comments, fucking dead. Him not knowing the difference between a salt and pepper shaker. Brother what? Cleo please never but please do bring him in the kitchen 😂 a beautiful disaster, waiting to happen.
Readers post about seasonal depression…too real 😂 and all her little comments right after I can’t. Had me laughing harder and harder because it was so relatable. Then JJ coming to save the day….STAWP😍
The instagram post. Calling JJ our knight in shining armor 😩 him flirting in the comments with us. Also RAFE liking the post?!? I saw that. I saw that shit. I don’t know who to like more or who I’m rooting for. At this point neither, I can’t choose. I WANT BOTH. “Both. Both is good.”
Readers tweets about the Cooking with Cleo video is FANTASTIC. Let’s be honest though, all three of us know we ALREADY married. Lmao. We all together, legit love the friendship with Pope and Cleo so much I can’t get enough and can’t express it enough. Pope saying fake news when we say he loves us, that man just can’t admit or say I love you. But it’s okay, he’s our bestie and our wife’s husband.
READERS TEXTS WITH RAFE. don’t get me started….Im started. Him so clearly nervous and scared to scare us off😭 and then us just fucking diving right in. The begging on the knees, I know he’s definitely gonna take that and RUN WITH IT. And I can’t wait. I can’t wait to see what he does with that. The whole conversation had be giggling and kicking my feet.
JJ AND THE READERS😮💨🤭 now that DELIVERED!!!! He’s so down bad, omg and I love it. I love him. LIKE I SAID. BOTH. You can’t make us chose, you can’t make reader chose. Damn😭 his; “breathing near you is the highlight of my day. I don’t ever really care about what we are doing.” LIKE OMG, this is so beautiful and sweet and this had me blushing and giggling and kicking my feet. Then him outing himself☠️ 13yrs damn poor man, and that’s a good question about his game 😂 that or we just blind asf.
THE SOS POST; the last post. This post. This Post. THIS. WAS. THE. POST. I was cackling so loud, giggling, everything!!!!! I reread it a million times because it was just beautiful. I have said it and I’ll say it again and forever and forever. POPE AND CLEO ARE THE BEST. I LOVE OUR BESTIES, OUR WIFEY AND HUSBAND. In actuality forget JJ and Rafe. GIVE ME CLEO AND POPE🙏 No, but Cleo springing over and leaving Pope in the dust is so funny I can’t. And poor Pope being so confused until Cleo is like, “Piping tea babe.” AND THEN HIS GIF/MEME OF RUNNING??? Absolutely dead, had me cackling even louder. I can’t explain how much I love Pope and Cleo, especially in this and as our besties. I can’t get over this one, legit my favorite (slide? Picture? Story post? Idk) it’s legit my favorite and was absolutely amazing.
Thank you for not only sharing this but creating this. It’s so amazing, and such a great and entertaining story. I love all the small little details you add to every part and all the little side stories and relationships that are involved in this. For example; John B jumping in the fight and helping defend not only his team but the reader. Topper seemingly always there and confused when reader and Rafe interact 😂 Rafe really needs to update this man on what’s happening fr 😂 it’s all just beautiful. Also Rafe and JJ getting along just for reader and everyone literally being like, okay readerrrrr we see you and your power. My point is this is stunning and I’m in love with it so much. Thank you 🫶💙🥰
Kildare University- Sophomore Year: 8
Synopsis: A Social Media AU in which you find yourself at Kildare University along with your friends. Starting over at a new school shouldn't be difficult. Well, except for the fact that your ex-boyfriend is the quarterback, and you are the drum major. Add in a little bit of drama, a lot of friendship, an ex who can't seem to let you go, and a best friend who has been in love with you since you were kids and well? Welcome to KU!
Pairings: Past!Rafe x Reader, JJ x Reader, Rafe x Reader
Masterlist
Taglist:
@akobx @onelonelybitch @the-universe-and-karma @beeskisses @frankoceanluvr11 @ivy-34 @rafecameronsloverrrrr @k-k0129 @asyouwish-fromcabin3 @xoxo-ada @aariahnaa @strawberryforks @urbrunettebombshell @whatisoutside @spenceatiny18
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do you guys ever think about how the story starts with andrew acting quickly slamming a random racquet into neil's stomach to keep him from running away and ends with andrew acting quickly breaking riko's arm with his racquet and then using it as a shield to protect neil. because i think about it all the time.
#aftg#andrew minyard#neil josten#andreil#you guys. the metaphor in that. representing how their relationship changed over the books. it's both a perfect juxtaposition AND parallel#i mean the first is andrew keeping neil from running. making him stay when neil doesn't want to.not caring whether or not neil lives or die#the second one is andrew protecting neil who stayed. it's andrew protecting neil because losing him would kill him.#also ofc additionally to that andrew seeing someone as a threat to a person he cares about and instantly reacting.#but the way andrew sees neil changes so drastically in between these two scenes (and over the three books)#neil's a threat in one and the most valuable thing to protect in the other 😭😭#and the symbolism of the racquet.#it being a random one that hurts neil in the beginning and then andrew's OWN racquet protecting him at the end...#I AM LOSING MY MIND I CANNOT GET OVER THIS 😭😭😭😭#mish reads aftg#<- rereads but we all know that by now i feel.
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it's been a while on my rewatch, but i'm watching the fake wedding case and... can we just talk about how shinichi's reaction is so different in the anime compared to the manga?
bland. boring. WHERE IS THE FEELING IN THIS. just. No.
THIS THO
SMITTEN. BESOTTED. A TRUE SIMP. JUST LOOK AT HIM. HE'S A BABY YOUR HONOUR. BABY IN LOVE!!!!
bonus: shinichi peeking at ran with a blush on his face at this bit (and ran blushing too, pretty please)
We Were Robbed.
#detco posting#detective conan#anime#manga#shinran#my beloveds#detco watching#la junk talks#the images are from ep 449 and chapter 535 for anyone who wants to know#i'm OBSESSED WITH SHINICHI JUST. HE'S SO IN LOVE?#HE FREAKING BLUSHED JUST IMAGINING THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE IN A WEDDING DRESS???#me just thinking about his face in topical land as he imagines confessing to ran AND ABOUT TO KISS HER IN HIS DAYDREAM?#NOW THAT IS A BESOTTED MAN. SMITTEN. HEAD OVER HEELS.#it feels like we were ROBBED#sometimes i think the anime does a better job than the manga#but not in this particular instance#the fact that you cannot tell at a glance how much of a simp shinichi is for ran is a crime A CRIME!!!#me on my current reread: i will so make a collage of all his simp moments. I SO WILL. *GNAWS ON LAPTOP*
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Well.
#(I'm back)#It was. Uhm. A chapter#First of all: I'm ENDLESSLY GRATEFUL to the person who sent me the translation basically as soon as the chapter came out.#I even did like 90% of typesetting but didn't finish it because I had to go out#(aka with my friends were literally knocking out at my room and I couldn't make it any more late lol)#Mixed feelings about it? Mostly because there's so much exposition... I'll need to reread it another three times before it sinks in#The color page is AMAZING 10000000000000/10 I love my sskks so much they're so cute I love them so much they're so cute.#Easily the best part of the chapter.#The color page was? Very very pretty too? Like a lot more than usual if you ask me! I can't wait for the volume cover 🥺🥺#It should come out soon shouldn't it? Usually color spreads / pages open the volume...#Akutagawa fake dying again is funny. Like it isssss but also. Idk it's a little lame how we're changing the pov from ss/kk again :/#I can't even tell if I'm being biased or if it's an actual storytelling critique. I don't care right now I just want to see Akutagawa–#being cool rather than. You know. Dead on the ground.#That said! It's also very funny and touches my sense of humor precisely.#Like yeah Akutagawa being like the second strongest pm member and overall one of the most powerful ability user in the world–#that everyone fears (and I know he is! He is indeed for real!)#And yet he always ends up face to the ground 😂😂😂 Like if we don't count the ss/kk fights he literally only ever won against Hawthorne.#And even then he failed to kill him and Mitchell. It's so funny to me. I love him. He's so pathetic#“Wow! Akutagawa is so cool and invincible now!” *ends up biting the dust not even two chapters later*#It's okay because I love him. He's very very powerful and he's also very very pathetic I love that for him#That said :/ I don't really care about Fukuzawa :/ Idk :/ Like :/#Don't get me wrong I LOVE Fukuzawa (I don't. I'm mostly neutral towards him) but this is the ss/kk moment man :/ Whatchu doin#That's about it. Let's see what the next chapter brings!#Everything accounted for I'm glad there wasn't like. A ss/kk kiss or any other big big ss/kk moment#(although Atsushi admiring Akutagawa and thinking about his eyes has its fair share of neatness to it!!)#Because with everything going on this evening I really would have been let down to miss it#But I keep hope for the next chapters!! Please...#random rambles#Had tons of fun typesetting! Even though I don't think there's a point in posting it now. But would love to do it again in the future!#bsd spoilers
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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(i haven't read Whole Cake in a while, and i never really watched it, so bear with me)
I'd love to write a fic with Usopp on Whole Cake. it'd be sooo fucking long and i'd need to refresh myself on the entire arc, but god i'd probably be so satisfied when it's done. specifically for having brought a single moment in my head to life, but we'll get to that.
On Zou, he insists to be taken along on the Sanji rescue team and has worked himself up with a whole bunch of very good reasons as to why he should go there instead of helping in Wano, but of course Luffy just immediately accepts with a "yeah sure"
With Whole Cake, I think he'd be flipping between having fun as part of the idiot trio/quartet (Luffy, Chopper, Carrot), and being terrified with Nami. There wouldn't be that many differences in the arc as a whole, though; some things would be easier/better and some things would be worse- I don't necessarily think Usopp's presence would be overall an advantage or disadvantage, just different. Like, major events would stay mostly the same, but little details would change and maybe those little details would build to a far more drastic change-
for example, maybe one of Big Mom's kids considers themself a great sniper and wants a match with Usopp, or is motivated to work harder because Usopp is around and they want to take him out and boast about it. Maybe it means Sunny takes more damage than canon, or maybe Usopp's help means less damage to Sunny. (idk if i'd really do smth like this, but it's just an example)
skjdhf fuck i'm really not equipped to try and figure this out when i don't remember shit from Whole Cake aaaa
I do know that, despite his penchant for talking and rambling, I'd probably have Usopp be dead silent after his initial shock when Sanji fights Luffy. Everything about that is the same, except Usopp is just watching Sanji the whole time- not panicking, not moving, and not speaking. He doesn't say a word the entire time, doesn't even make a sound, and that, along with Luffy's words and Nami's begging, stick with Sanji.
(Usopp is thinking of his own fight with Luffy in Water 7, he's partially wondering if this was what it was like- if it was this painful to watch from the sidelines- and partially knowing he doesn't have to say a word, because he knew, like he knew back then, that it didn't matter what was said. It wasn't quite the same, but he could tell in the way Sanji moved, in the way he spoke and held himself, that he was putting on a front, trying to be brave in all the wrong ways. Usopp didn't say a word to Sanji because there was nothing he could say that Sanji himself didn't already know. Should've known. And his quiet, direct stare, was more than enough.)
the singular moment i really wanna write, is a scene where Sanji is apologizing for dragging them into his mess- either during the big meeting in Bege's castle or some other time- and Usopp's like "I'll do what you can't, you do what I can't, right?" and Sanji pauses, a little confused, until he remembers Enies Lobby and a stupid mask and cape and-
and tears are gathering in his eyes now, fuck, but he laughs a little. It sounds wet and his face is itchy and they're surrounded by tentative allies, but he- he laughs again and he says, "Fuck, you remembered that?"
Usopp shrugs, a little smile on his face. "They were some wise words from a wise man."
Sanji laughs a third time. "You think I'm wise?"
And they banter a little more before Bege tells them to quit it since they're on a time constraint or something. Quietly, Usopp will ask, "It-it helps. On bad days. And I figured, 'what's a worse day than this?' Ah, not that you getting married would ever be bad per se-"
"Usopp," Sanji says, looking more relaxed and settled. He smiles fondly and grabs his friend in a one armed hug, crushing him to his side. "Thanks."
And yeah, don't remember much beyond that, except the whole "hiding and then busting out of the cake" bit, which would mean Usopp in a cute little tuxedo or smth- maybe with a fedora aaaaaa <- loves fedoras- helping out with the fighting and eventually sailing with everyone to Wano.
He would be so distressed about fixing up Sunny now that the whole thing with Whole Cake is over. Maybe there'd be a gag about him promising Franky to take good care of Sunny while they were gone and being confident, after being Franky's tinkering partner and learning from him over time, that he could handle minor repair work much better than he did the first time around with Merry. And so when he finally takes in all the very-not-minor repairs he has to do, he's certain Franky is gonna strangle him for not keeping his promise. Probably also try to write in some nostalgic 'repairman Usopp' vibes from pre-Water 7.
Also something something, Sanji, wanting to do more for the crew bc he still feels guilty about Whole Cake, decides to take it upon himself to help Usopp not fall into a whole anxiety spiral about the ship. In turn, Usopp ends up helping Sanji not feel so guilty- usually by handing his own words back to him on a silver platter. And, yknow, having the two of them bonding and being buddies again like they so rarely get to be in canon nowadays qwq
#one piece#usopp#whole cake island#nemotime#that bit in bege's castle isn't exactly how it would go. just kinda. trying to get the vibe. also it's wayyy too short lol#the sanuso bit can be platonic or romantic. originally when i was gonna write out this idea a while ago i was thinking romantic with my#'they get engaged/married b4 dressrosa' au but tbh platonic works just as good#im- these guys man. i hate them so much (affectionate)#i'll get to rereading whole cake and finding a way to put him in there but for now. this.#if anyone's got other ideas im all ears#edit from like march 7: thinking about this again#maybe usopp being silent is an indicator for sanji that usopp's really fucking disappointed or shocked or w/e#but for usopp himself it's like being back in water 7. he doesn't even mean to be silent. he's got words built up on the tip of his tongue#but none of them come out. and despite sanji being Right There all he wants to do in that moment. is run.#at the very least he stays and watches the whole confrontation through. but afterwards he probably feels like shit#because he's the guy who's great with words right? he's the guy that can relate the most out of the group who went to WCI. he should be abl#to make a significant difference and help convince sanji to come home. but he feels like he failed. like he's going to lose another friend#and it's going to be all his fault. (again)#[not really. we all know merry wasn't his fault but we love old insecurities rearing their head in this house]#later he'd probably end up saying the words he wanted to say. and maybe it's better that way. that he ended up waiting#until luffy's had a proper shot at scolding sanji first. because then usopp can act as support and reinforcement. which. yknow.#a sniper's duty and all#anyway i got other shit to do so i'm cutting myself off here#wci usopp
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gonna start subjecting u lot to my rambling abt classic viet authors
#bakuspeech#nhân văn+giai phẩm#thats gonna be the tag I guess#anyways. idk shit abt shakespeares. gonna give yall a taste of what that feels like#jk that's mean I just like rereading this stuff once in a while#it's fun! I'm recovering from viet public literature education on main now#like. idk sometimes I talk to foreign friends and we both realize how we each are privy to#hundreds to thousands of years of stories and records and writing#that the outside world knows basically nothing about.#it's insane to me every time. I'm entering vibe mode. I will never shut up again#I feel like in ~5yrs I will become the most wrong person about nguyễn trãi specifically#and I need to own it early. so this is actually not gonna be a learning moment for anyone#actually tho it's so funny I'm invested in nguyễn trãi as a historical figure I don't even like his writing#it's mid! sad to say this but it's aight at best. nguyễn khuyến is much more my speed#and YOU will learn what all of that just now means! one of these days! when I get to it!#for now. oh baby we are gonna talk so much shit.
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maybe like four blogs ago i wrote the most insane book-focused meta about will as john the baptist and starling as a sacrificial christ figure who becomes one with god in a way john cannot and is absorbed in the process of her apotheosis—but the point is the story is about her and will’s only the forerunner, the prologue. like, i love hannibal the show and will graham is my favorite unhinged wet dog, but i’m still a little bitter starling’s story was dissected and given predominately to a male character instead of fuller just coming up with something unique for will and hannibal.
what’s most interesting to me about them has always been will’s fundamental inability to handle the work that he was asked to do and that everyone knew this but they kept asking because he’s so Special—whereas starling could handle it, being clever and hard-working and exceptional at compartmentalization, but was never allowed to do so because she wouldn’t compromise herself to get ahead. it’s stings because gender is precisely why they ended up where they did; the horror and violence of gender is so thematically significant and inextricable to the series for me. will caught hannibal almost by accident in the books. hannibal caught starling not by devising a trap for her or gaslighting her (that came later) but simply because the systemic misogyny she faced pushed her out of her career and her life, and her contempt for the corruption of system grew and grew and crystallized inside her until she was forced to make a choice—shoot the dirty cop or let hannibal be eaten by the pigs—and in making it she revealed the truth of herself: that she believed she was above the law, above the broken system, above the men who uphold it. that choice drove her straight to hannibal. he didn’t have to do anything at all to isolate her. she came for him; he just had to wait.
#clarice starling#like… we lost something#hannibal/starling is the most monster romance entrapment horror love story of all time#the simultaneous feeling of triumph when she shoots through the dirty cop’s badge and horror because she’s about to be caught#and it’s like you want it to happen and you don’t and you do and you don’t#he consumes her entirely but she’s still there and there’s this sense that he knows it#that on some level he’s afraid of her and that he could lose control of her at any moment and possibly already has—and that he likes this#but we as readers cannot know the truth—she’s become unknowable to us and perhaps to herself#noli me tangere: like christ resurrected we cannot touch her now#scream scream screammmmmmm#it’s been so long since i reread the books but i’m always two seconds away from an unprompted lecture alas
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yknow what minor transient detail abt s4 is fun to me? prior to john's reveal, noel apparently assumes the KIY to be a totally unfamiliar character to them both. he pauses his story to give background info on him ("he rules the dreamlands, he's a master manipulator, etc") in a way he doesn't with other stuff. he points out yellow like "that's the bitch btw. if you were curious." which is. like he knows they were in the dreamlands. i think he knows or at least assumes they were in the pits for a while given they ran into lorick. what does he think they were doing there. just. passing through??
#the nemesis speaks#mv liveblog#malevolent spoilers#like it's not SUCH an unreasonable assumption especially with arthur doing his level best to Not React in a way that will draw suspicion#+ lorick says the KIY doesn't even know he's down there so you can get to the pits by other means#but like. not just to have not directly interacted with the king but to be completely unfamiliar with him as a concept?? ?#that i feel would strike him as kind of odd. what does he imagine is up with them.#i would pay money for a genuine cards on the table conversation btwn them all that doesn't happen at gunpoint#relatedly a lot of The Order is fun from noel's pov#the point where arthur has to hard stop to remind john where they are and what's happening for one.#and he's just gotta be like hm. okay. that's. deeply concerning but i don't think we have time to get into it right now#also the part where art starts addressing yellow as. well. ''yellow.'' like making it obvious they know each other already#i just think it's funny that noel still doesn't know shit fuck about what's happened in the rest of the podcast#but now he's finding out apparently arthur's had two totally separate fragments of the king in his head at different points? and he's fine?#and one of them has beef with him?? and he's talking DOWN to it?? he's... apologizing for... fucking up... raising..... it....?? ? ?#round of applause for noel's ability to Just Roll With It everyone#like god. he thought he was facing down with the all-powerful source of ten years of hardcore trauma#and then arthur's just like. every fragment of the king in this room answers to me. i'm gonna antagonize one of em into manifesting#just for the hell of it. just so i can have a lil chat. because i can do that easily and with zero fear of repercussions.#hi fragment of the Fucking KIY that i gave a stupid nickname and apparently feel some kind of responsibility for.#what do u think noel thought abt that. i feel like he probably thought it was kinda hot#hm. these tags are getting away from me a bit. this is kind of me liveblogging a transcript reread. i'm gonna stop now
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I cannot begin to describe my level of confusion rn
#I’m reading Nona the ninth right but then I decided to reread the other two books before finishing Nona cause I was listening to#the audio book and I have trouble following along closely so anyways I reread it and everything started to make sense right but then#I finished the epilogue of Harrow and never realized there’s whole ass chapters after it??? cause I was listening and heard like appendix#and didn’t want to listen to all the definitions so I paused it and never looked back thinking that was the end#so my ass has spent the last half of Nona the ninth not even knowing if gideons body survived I mean I hoped but I didn’t know#I thought that Nona could only be harrow no confusion on the question whatsoever the only question being what soul will inhabit it#I had hoped that it was harrows body and that gideons was somewhere with blood of Eden that we just didn’t know yet#now I’m so confused as to what physical body Nona has and I’m going to have to reread and not listen to the first half so I can know what#what in the world is going on#please no spoilers#but here are my ideas for how this will end:#nona is harrows body brought to Camilla curtesy prrya#Gideon and Harrow will inevitably surface or they’ll find a way to draw them out#everyone will be very sad when Nona leaves#also the fact that narrow the ninth ends with it saying Gideon will return in nona but not harrow????#but I could’ve sworn it was harrows body she was in#I could be wrong though cause I read nona without knowing anything about the Judith files which is just insane#but also I feel like that’s the way it’s intended to be read y’all get new readers to read up until#guys get new readers to stop reading after hot sauce and Nona talk about both having people in the park that night#I’m only mildly joking#harrow the ninth
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wrote a 6 page acid-fueled letter to my ex about how i’m still in love with him and probably always will be, blah blah blah . his reaction ?? asking if i want to go on a trip to montreal to get tattoos together
#he’s like ‘yeah let me know when and i’ll buy plane tickets’ like fuck all the way off oh my god. oh my GOD my poor confused little feeling#s#pegasus speaks#to clarify#he read the letter over xmas holidays & later that same day we hung out and did errands for 7h and talked about it once for like 10min#and it was awful and i felt like dying of shame#he told me he’d write a letter back once he had some time to reread it and think it over#it has now been three (3) weeks#& nothing has changed & we still talk all day every day . because he is my best friend .#and now i’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop .#this shit feels like fucking chinese water torture
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