#<- is what i tag my rambly personal posts with (and it is distinct from the ''space chirp'' tag that i use for other original posts)

[welcometogrouchland]

We talk a lot about the merits of pop culture vs 'high culture' on this website and anti-intellectualism and stuff but where's the appreciation for ppl who deeply enjoy both. Can we make some noise for people who's favorite movies are like. Ratatouille and Eraserhead? Or something?

[artemis-zinc]

i'm always thinking "oh i'm not much of a music person" meanwhile i have 88 items in my bandcamp collection (not a huge number but not small either) and a custom-written music player so that i can precisely control how i listen to my 33 GB of music files of various origins

i think the main thing is just that i consume music differently from. well probably most people. but notably people who i observe talking about music

ummmm idk where i'm going with this and i should probably go to bed. but i feel compelled to add that i guess i already knew this stuff to a degree bc like i think that part of what makes me feel excluded by music talk is that i feel like i *ought* to be able to relate to it. but idk it just really struck me while looking at bandcamp that it's silly to act like music is insignificant to me

[comikadraws]

Was the curse of hatred actually a real thing? or did danzo just demonize the uchiha;s anger? idk, being murderously angry or just angry in general is a reasonable and human response to oppression and genocide.

The "Curse of Hatred" Analysis

An interesting question. The Curse of Hatred looks dumb at first glance but there are also many misconceptions surrounding it.

Since it is such a hot mess to begin with, I will try to focus mostly on the in-universe canon and lore rather than making it even more complicated by bringing in too much real-world logic and criticizing Kishimoto.

There's a bunch of rambling in the tags though.

Kishimoto's Intentions

Whenever we talk about the "Curse of Hatred" the fandom will usually apply terms such as "racism", "bigotry" and "pseudoscience" - particularly in reference to Tobirama.

Again, I don't want to bring too much irl logic into this but I feel like we need to make a clear distinction between intention and interpretation over here. "[insert character] was a racist" and "the Uchiha were justified" is a valid interpretation of the story. But at the same time, I doubt that this was ever intended by Kishimoto.

I have talked about this at length in another post of mine, in which I analyzed Kishimoto's most likely intent and how exactly this information is relevant to us with a look at authorial intent in fiction. But the TL;DR version is that Japan is not exactly very sensitized to themes of racism and the "Curse of Hatred" is never framed as racist propaganda but exposition only. The lore also lines up with Kishimoto's personal views on how grudges are responsible for war (instead of corruption or racism) and the Uchiha's curse might be a metaphor for that.

In other words, the Curse of Hatred is real in canon. Even if it's a massive red flag and deserves to be criticized.

What Is The "Curse of Hatred" Even?

I have to admit, it's been a while since the last time I watched Naruto from start to finish, so I had to use the sources listed by the wiki rather than relying on my own findings and I might be biased. Because of that, I'd prefer everybody to regard my findings as headcanon or interpretation (especially further toward the end) rather than undisputed fact.

As far as I remember, the exact wording "Curse of Hatred" is only ever used by Obito. While not using the same wording, the curse is also referenced by Itachi, Hagoromo, and Tobirama who each have their own understanding of it. Unfortunately, we have no idea where exactly this wording or concept originated and we have no idea what exactly causes the Curse of Hatred that Obito refers to.

Hiruzen, Koharu, Homura, and even Danzo, while potentially influenced by Tobirama's teachings, do not reference the Curse of Hatred at all, at least not in relation to the Uchiha Clan itself.

Now here's the first one of my findings: The Curse of Hatred is supposed to be some sort of involuntary biological or cultural inclination causing Uchihas to become consumed by hatred but it is also something voluntary - a Nindo. While the former could be considered a "curse" in the traditional sense, the latter is definitely not.

For the Nindo, it is supposed to be some sort of antithesis to the Will of Fire. Because of that, it is not limited to the Uchiha but, according to Tobirama and Obito, closely associated. As explained later on in this post, most Uchihas do not follow this Nindo.

Core aspects of the Curse of Hatred as a Nindo:

Valuing a precious few above the many

Directing your hatred at those who took away your precious few

Growing stronger from those feelings of hatred (for the Uchiha, reflected in the form of the Sharingan)

A Biological Inclination?

Now back to Tobirama's theory, due to the narrative framing, we will assume his words to be truthful for the sake of this analysis. However, I will provide links to other people's posts delving into the fantasy racism discussion.

Tobirama is racist and his theories cannot be trusted.

Tobirama is not racist and there is validity to his theories.

I myself do not completely agree with either of these, but they might be interesting reads for you. If you do not agree with either of them, please keep it to yourself and do not bother the original creators.

Tobirama's theory goes as follows:

The Uchiha feel love and hate more strongly than other individuals

The strength of the Sharingan and the Uchihas' hatred are correlated

In a fit of hatred, odds are an Uchiha will commit evil

It is nowhere mentioned that the Uchiha are more likely to feel hate - only that their hatred is worse than the average person's and puts them at risk of being swayed by hateful ideologies.

A Cultural Inclination?

Aside from Tobirama's theory, multiple characters comment on the historical origin behind the Curse of Hatred.

We are talking, of course, about Indra. Obito explains that Indra's values and his hatred (particularly what later became the Nindo of the Curse of Hatred) were passed down to his descendants - the Uchiha clan. Tobirama's exposition implies the same thing.

Tobirama states that there "used to be a thought that [...] the basis of the Uchiha clan's strength was the power of their jutsu". It is very similar to Hagorormo's description of his son.

If this is correct, that would mean that the importance placed on powerful jutsu by the Uchiha Clan does inadvertently promote hatred due to the close correlation between hatred and the Sharingan.

But then again, in the story, it is shown that many Uchiha were not particularly fond of perpetuating hate and it is also implied that to avoid hatred, they sealed their emotions away. My interpretation is that they recognized the pain that hate could cause and then took steps to avoid it.

The Reincarnation Cycle

Sticking with Indra, another explanation that is frequently brought up is Indra's and Ashura's reincarnation cycle, which has also been described as curse-like or haunting and neverending. A fate seemingly set in stone.

There is not much more to say, other than that this theory suggests that Indra's reincarnates are just naturally inclined towards lusting for power.

The True Origin

Now, here's another thing that's constantly being overlooked. Aside from Obito's exposition in chapter 462 on the Curse of Hatred Nindo, Tobirama's exposition in chapter 619 on the Uchiha's tendency to follow said Nindo, and even Hagoromo's exposition on the reincarnation cycle in chapter 670, we get a vital piece of exposition in chapter 681.

Ladies, gentlemen, and anything in between. May I introduce to you...

...the real Curse of Hatred.

Or at the very least what I believe is the real reason why the "Curse of Hatred" exists in the world of Naruto.

From the very beginning, Zetsu approached Indra to take advantage of his hatred and turn it into a tool for his own purposes. He then did that again and again. He focused on the Uchiha in particular - Either because of the previously mentioned reasons (i.e. the Uchiha / incarnates have a tendency to become obsessed with hatred and power) or because the Uchiha were otherwise easy to take advantage of / manipulate (through Hagoromo's stone tablet that was left in the Uchihas' possession, an ill reputation thanks to Indra's / their ancestors' actions, etc).

In order to achieve his goal (awakening a Rinnegan), he had to somehow combine both Indra's and Ashura's power. It is implied that for this purpose, he instigated, perpetuated, and escalated wars and conflicts between Senju and Uchiha by pitting their reincarnates against each other. But unlike the wars he caused, Zetsu went unnoticed by the history books. Basically, he kept haunting the clans like a curse.

And without a doubt, had Zetsu never been there, 99% of the Uchihas' problems would not exist - regardless of what ideals, genes, or history the Uchiha hold. Indra's declaration of war, centuries of conflict, Madara's defection, Obito losing Rin, the Kyubi attack, the Uchiha massacre, Sasuke's defection, the 4th Great Shinobi War. All of these were directly caused by Zetsu or set off by a resulting chain reaction.

You could even think this further. Assuming the Uchiha clan really came across as "cursed", perhaps Tobirama's, Obito's, Hagoromo's and everybody else's explanations were just desperate attempts to make sense of anything. They didn't know that Zetsu was pulling the strings, so perhaps they tried to explain the Uchiha Clan's history in some other way. One that made sense without that missing variable.

What is actually going on here is, of course, uncertain. There are basically no definitive explanations on the matter and right now it looks like all of the above could be true and at the same time none.

[imagionationstation]

Hi! I read your TMNT 2012 separated au that you made with ellestrade and it really gave me brainworms so I wrote a small one-shot for it! The characters kinda ended up writing themselves haha.

anyways, wanted to share it with you and also make sure that you're okay with it. Not sure how you feel about other people taking inspiration from you ideas, so if you would like me to take it down, just let me know!

Thanks for sharing such fun ideas. Here's the post (I've also tagged you in it but sometimes tags are weird and don't always show. Also its on my fandom specific sideblog, but I am the same person haha)

Gotta love those brain worms! (Ironic statement from a 2012 viewpoint, actually-) HOLY CHALUPA, BRAIN WORMS IN THIS AU UNIVERSE, WAIT WAIT ACTUALLY WAIT-

*background rambles and spazzing*

Okay, I’m back.

I’m always a-okay with whatever fan things anyone wants to create with inspiration from something I made or helped make. As long as it isn’t containing some stamp that says “this I deem canon” when neither me (nor my partner) deemed it canon, no one ever has to worry with me getting upset over some story/comic/art.

I’m going to give some thoughts and I want to disclaimer.

When I discuss my thoughts on your POV of events in the AU, I will never, in any way, intend to diss or attack the story. I think the flow was excellent and Raph’s analysis of the events occurring was intriguing. I loved it! And nothing I say will be a statement otherwise.

But, since I have a distinct inability to keep my mouth shut when it comes to turtles and you asked, I have thoughts 🧐

My brain is now turning and ya’ll have to deal.

Characterization:

Donnie: Much distrust. Much sass. A strong sense of duty to defend his brethren turtles who don’t deserve it but he’s doing it anyway.

Very on point. Much approval 👌

Mikey: Could not be more perfect. I love him. Sweet soul ✨

Leo: He’s a bit less… Forceful. Cold and calculating. Than I envision.

I’d imagine that he had to learn to shut feelings down in order to survive. Fidgeting/smiling/visibly hesitating is out of the question. Staying in Shredder’s graces meant learning to play the game. His silence is what earns Raph the ability to be loud. The only times that he’s himself is when him and Raph are alone, outside of the sight of cameras, or when someone in is danger and fear/fury overwhelms all else. He seems bland to outsiders and it takes the Hamato brothers a while to see that that he’s just a scared little boi at heart that’s just trying his best in a cruel world.

He’s also set in his beliefs, so he’s going to assume that they’re being tormented mentally, if not physically. There’s no place in his mind that wonders if they were actually safer elsewhere.

I do like your POV, though. Plenty for me to play with.

Raph:

He’s ABSOLUTELY the first to question the differences between how Shredder treats them and how Splinter treats their brothers. He doesn’t jump the gun, but as devoted as he is, he’s never really liked Shredder. I love the implications that he’s been filing away concerns subconsciously and his brain keeps poking him like “HELLO?!”

He’s very deep. I can’t decide how I feel about that 🤔

Shredder would have wanted to fan that temper into something unforgiving and vile. Or course, that doesn’t mean he stops being a sensitive soul. It could… Have something to do with Shredder manipulating him into being angry when he wills it (basically all the time) and solemn and still when he doesn’t (such as during lectures, punishments, etc).

His brain registers this situation as one where he’s not meant to be loud and angry, and so he’s kinda… Shut down. Sassy, but mellow. Processing. Adapting. Letting what happens happen because he’s not meant to stop it.

It’s a reason that Leo gets so defensive when punishments come into play. It forces Raph to feel small. It make him vulnerable.

HOLY MOTHER OF MUTATIONS- I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS NEW TAKE ON THE AU @ellestrade TELL ME IF I’M ONTO SOMETHING

Anyway, commentary:

“in one of Takeō's strategy books he couldn't care less about”

It’s like Space Heroes. He claims so and YET he read, recalls, AND clearly has DEBATED the passage so I call sus vibes.

I get giddy when I think of Takeō discovering Space Heroes-

“Junkō and Kōta— or Donnie and Mikey, whatever false name they’d been given—”

My brain made connections. I don’t know if it was intended, but I always believe that they knew them by Shredder’s names through the beginning of season one, end of season one/beginning of season two they were associating them as both, and then by the time that the City is under attack, they’ve adapted to using their real names. (But the Saki brothers still keep their Foot names.)

So, now I assume this is somewhere in that middle plot.

Fun little Easter egg~

“Takeō and Akihitō were the offense, and Donnie and Mikey were the defense” “They held their own. In fact, they dominated.”

I’m in love with Raph’s simple acknowledgment of their roles in battle. It’s a very practical outline of exactly how their dynamic on the field plays out and he's so certain of his place.

On the other hand, I’m a bit uncertain about whether they’d dominate. I do believe that they are trained and can hold their own, but I don’t know about them being as impressive as Raph&Leo, simply because Splinter trained them to defend and Shredder trained them to kill. The Hamato brothers haven’t had much time to practice in the offensive, especially since that’s Leo&Raph’s job. (In non-AU canon, they are all offensive/defensive.)

I think Mikey might learn that kinda strength at the farmhouse after being taught by Leo&Raph, and Donnie will step back from that, finally finding his place not as a fighter/leader, but as a scientist.

Definitely an interesting take, tho 🤔

“Only now does he think that, perhaps, there was a reason their master made their primary weapons blunts and not blades.”

I am chewing on this line so hard. It’s so powerful.

I can’t even tell you why. It just is.

“Akihitō knows that Takeō isn’t lying. He’d already tried to take tonight's blame all on his own shoulders, spare Akihitō of the punishment. But Akihitō knows all his tricks and he won’t let his brother suffer alone. Again.”

100% behind Raph learning to butt in when Leo tries to take the fall as they get older and punishments get worse.

“Seeing the situation, the evidence glaring at him, Akihitō cannot deny that this wasn’t exactly a great sell. Takeō and him are tied to the ground, trying to convince these two strangers that they would be safe with them. That their clan would not hurt them while that same clan was just about ready to beat them to a pulp.”

I was thinking the same thing 🤣

Leo, dude, seriously. Look around. Think for a second. You are not selling your point. You are doing the opposite.

In the end, it doesn’t even matter. Sensei will always find them no matter where they run. It was better to follow than be chased.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH THESE KIDS THAT THIS IS A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP. YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL MOTIVATED TO STAY WITH DAD BECAUSE HE WILL FORCED YOU TO REMAIN OTHERWISE. BRUH. RED FLAG.

These were Foot Ninja binds made specifically to hold them. Mutant strength and all.

It makes sense that Shredder would make these. But.

But man. He made those. For them.

Takeō tries to take control of the situation again, the bossy oldest sibling coming out in him.

HA. Got him. Leo is Leo in any universe.

“His name is Mikey.” Donnie glares. “The rat is lying and he has—” “Donnie, its fine.”

Absolutely how they view things. Mikey doesn’t care what they think or do as long as no one he cares about is paying the price. Donnie feels it is a manner of principle that they accept logic and truth.

Leo talking over both of them is valid. This kid, I swear.

“Then tell your older brother to shut up about—”

LEO IS IT OFFICIAL YOU HAVE BEEN DISOWNED

“Sounds like a you-problem.” Donnie stands. “Mikey, we saved them. It's time to go.”

Donnie would die for them <3

A hand lands on his shoulder, and he recognizes it. Takeō always knows when to give support. He’s a good brother. He hopes Donnie and Mikey will know that one day too.

OH. OKAY. WELL. 🥺

THOSE FEELS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE-

He loved his big bro sm hjkhkjhkjhjkkjhkjhkjhku

If Akihitō didn’t know any better, he’d say it was longing.

Oh, don’t worry, he is dying to have other people in his life who genuinely care for him, but as long as you guys are with the enemy, you’re a threat to his baby brother and daddy and not to be trusted

And, just maybe, it could be their world too. 

Oh, so that’s what pain feels like. Glad to be reminded.

[rabarbarzcukrem]

Hi, this is my first time posting fanfiction. Please keep in mind that I am not a native English speaker and be kind enough to excuse any mistakes.

This short fic was inspired by these two lovely pieces of art by @helloanthy and @biruesque:

Ship: Utena Tenjou x Anthy Himemiya

Contains: one shot, post-canon, reunion, Anthy is a badass now, Utena doesn't remember Ohtori but experiences lesbian feelings nonetheless

~~~~~~~~

Utena was waiting outside the store that she worked at, with her backpack slung over one shoulder. The setting sun gilded the usually dull and grey concrete of the parking lot.

"It's getting colder, I guess autumn is coming soon..." she thought absent-mindedly, casually stretching her arms one after the other. When she had mentioned that she is looking for an apartment during a conversation with her colleague Kokomi the day before, she hadn't expected that an opportunity would present itself so soon. Her friend had instantly lit up and started rambling on about some girl that she knew, who was apparently looking for a roomate right now.

Utena glanced at her phone screen. Half past six.

The girl was supposed to pick her up after work - so about 15 minutes ago - so she could see the apartment. And although Utena had assured that it's unnecessary and she is perfectly capable of getting there on her own, Kokomi replied that the roomate-to-be presented the idea herself and would gladly give Utena a ride.

"She'd better hurry up, it's gonna start getting dark soon..." she sighed to herself.

Suddenly, a pink motorcycle pulled into the parking lot and stopped just a few meters in front of her. The person driving the vehicle took of their helmet.

"Tenjou Utena, right?" they said, giving her a warm smile. For a moment, Utena forgot how to speak. The girl standing before her had skin of deep brown, glistening emerald eyes and tumbling purple curls, tied into a high ponytail revealing her undercut. There was a Hindu red dot between her eyebrows, which Utena recalled was called 'bindi'. She wore a truly punk outfit - ripped jeans and a leather sleeveless vest with lots of pins, in her ears and on on her face glistened various silver piercings.

"This is the girl?!" thought Utena, shocked and quite intimidated."Just what kind of people does Kokomi hang out with?!"

"U-uh, yeah, that would be me... Kokomi said you're looking for a roomate...?" she managed to choke out awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck with a nervous smile.

The girl nodded, unbuckling a second helmet from the seat and handing it to her. Utena suddenly realized in what way they were supposed to get to the apartment.

"I-I've never ridden a motorcycle before...To be honest, I was expecting a car " Utena explained, a bit embarrassed.

"Don't worry." replied the girl kindly. "Just sit behind me and you'll be alright."

This openly and assuredly tender, affectionate way she was looking at her made Utena feel bashful.

She let out a small breath and put on the helmet. She expected a longer conversation, some questions at least... Maybe the girl wanted them to discuss the details on the spot? Then again, the quiet between them didn't feel uncomfortable, somehow.

As she was getting on the vehicle, Utena realized how close to the girl she would actually be sitting and suddenly felt her cheeks burn. She also smelled a nice, distinctive, floral smell which enveloped the mysterious stranger. Despite how shy and flustered she felt for some reason, there was something that drew Utena to her. And not just because the girl was plain gorgeous, but also due to a strange feeling of comfort and familiarity that the girl induced in her, as if they had known each other for a very long time.

"I could use something to hold onto" Utena thought, considering grabbing the seat, if only to do something with her hands.

As if she was reading her thoughts, the girl spoke calmly:

"It's okay, just put your arm around my waist."

"Ah."

Utena complied carefully, trying very hard not to be too weird about it and ignore the pounding of her agitated heart. And suddenly there was that strange deja vu sensation again - as if she had embraced her this was a hundred of times before. Utena felt like she was forgetting something. Had they maybe...met in the past..?

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I caught your name" said Utena, suddenly realizing that.

The girl was silent for a short moment.

"Anthy" she said, quietly. Was her voice a bit sad, or did Utena just imagine it? "My name is Himemiya Anthy".

And she started the engine.

~~~~~

By the time they got there, it had gotten dark. The apartment was situated on the third floor of a nice-looking building, in a bit isolated area of the city. As Utena followed Anthy up the stairs, listening to the clink of keys in the girl's hand, she couldn't do anything else but wonder how she might have known her. Something in the back of her mind told her Anthy was important to her - so why was her mind blank whenever she tried to remember?

"Make yourself at home," Anthy said, letting her inside. Removing her shoes, Utena looked around the apartment. Apart from the short hallway, there were two pairs of doors, probably leading to a bedroom and a bathroom, and a living room with a small, open kitchen. The main room was decorated very nicely, in a way Utena had to admit she couldn't arrange herself. It was full of pots of plants, cute pieces of furniture and all sorts of knick-knacks that made it feel more cramped than it actually was, but in a cozy way.

"Say hello to Chuchu" said Anthy, picking up something small from the table in the center of the room. She uncurled her fingers, revealing to Utena a tiny, 4-inches tall, purple monkey, with big ears and a curled tail, which appeared to be in the middle of attempting to smallow a chocolate bar whole.

"Um...Hi, Chuchu" said Utena, extending her index finger towards the creature so he could shake it. It was so adorably small and goofy Utena couldn't help but smile.

"He's very cute. Is he your friend?"

Anthy looked at Chuchu with fondness.

"The best of all that I have."

She kissed him on his little forehead and placed him gently on the countertop of one of the cupboards, then walked over to the counter in the kitchen.

"Tea?"

"Um, sure. Thanks."

Utena sat at the table. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a terrarium standing by the wall. It took her a moment to realize that several other living creatures were also moving freely around the apartment.

"Who is this?" Utena asked, a bit surprised, pointing to one of them.

"Oh, my hen, Miss Milly."

"And these?" Utena pointed to another ones.

"Just my kitties, Theodore and Wolfgang."

"And this?"

"My dearest mongoose, Sweet Biscuit Jr."

"I suppose all the ants probably have names as well, huh?"

Anthy smiled at her softly.

"Would my animals be a problem for you, Utena?"

"No, I just... didn't think you were that kind of girl" she said, before thinking.

Anthy turned towards her, intrigued.

"That kind?" she asked, more curious than offended.

"It's just, because of the way you dress, I thought you were one of these, hardcore ones, not the type to care about animals and stuff" said Utena nervously, wanting to explain her poor choice of words, but realized that she just made it worse. "B-But for some reason, it feels right, you know?" She added quickly. "It makes sense. If anything, I think it makes you...even cooler..."

"Ah, a pretty, totally badass girl brings you to her house and the first thing you do is embarrass yourself!" she scolded herself in her thoughts, but the only thing Anthy did was chuckle softly and say "Thanks", before geting back to preparing tea for them.

For a moment a calm, comfortable silence fell upon the room. For some reason, sitting at that table filled Utena with a warm, nostalgic feeling inside, almost as if... she had finally come home. What a silly thought. Utena was an orphan, she didn't have any family that she knew of, there was no home waiting for her. And yet...

"Himemiya" Utena said suddenly, which she noticed made Anthy flinch. "This may sound weird, but have we....met before?"

The girl turned around to face her, with the warm smile back on. Utena expected an answer, but Anthy kept quiet.

"I'm thinking we may have gone to school together or something" explained Utena hurriedly, thinking Anthy didn't understand. "Like, maybe we were in different classes...I suffered an injury in middle school, I admit I don't remember much of that time."

Anthy stared at her in silence for a moment, her expression unchanging. Utena guessed she may be lost in thought, trying to recall something. But when she finally spoke, it was just a question, in a perfectly calm, although a bit deeper voice:

"Are you a forgetful person, Utena?"

This startled her.

"Uh...."

She didn't have a clue what to say to that. But she had a gnawing feeling that it was important, somehow.

".....Anyway" said Anthy, suddenly cheerful again, as if the previous interaction hadn't taken place. "Would you like some cookies as well? I just baked them yesterday."

"Sure..."

Utena followed Anthy with her eyes for a bit, puzzled, as the girl pulled out the cookies from one of the cabinets.

"She's avoiding the subject" she thought. "I guess I shouldn't be pushy, if she doesn't want to talk about it..."

She sighed and looked through the window. The moon was shining unusually brightly, the night sky was unclouded and full of stars. She noticed that the apartment had a balcony, and on it, through the glass, she saw....

"Are those roses?" asked Utena, standing up suddenly, something pulling her towards the balcony doors. She opened them and stepped outside, feeling the refreshing, chilly air against her skin. The balcony was, indeed, packed with pots and pots of beautiful, pink roses, which barely left any room for a person to stand comfortably.

"So this is where the floral smell comes from..."

As she was standing there, in awe of the sight before her, she heard Anthy step outside too and close the door.

"Are all of them yours?" asked Utena, smiling wide, genuinely impressed. "They probably need a lot of care... You must really love roses, huh?"

Anthy returned the smile, but there was something pained in her voice when she responded with a short, quiet:

"...Yes."

Looking into the girl's eyes, under the starry sky, she couldn't shake off the feeling that there's something she should say, something she should do, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't figure out what. Her throat tightened, some weird, intense feeling was building up inside of her, under her skin, she couldn't stand it-

"We should probably get back inside, it's getting cold" she turned around quickly, too quickly, and stumbled on one of the pots.

In a split second, Anthy lunged forward and caught her by the waist, her other hand gripping Utena's, bringing them close.

In that moment, a wave of memories washed over her, and she remembered everything. The academy. The crushing weight of the swords. The struggles they had faced together, the fights she had fought for her, the illusions, the cruel, cruel lies... All the suffering and the horror...And through all of that, Anthy's hand in hers, time and time again. The love.

"Someday, together..."

Overwhelmed, she felt her eyes fill up with tears. Upon seeing this, Anthy's face softened in understanding. She let out half a chuckle, half a sob.

"Utena" she said, her voice trembling with emotion, but so, so loving. "At last...we meet."

"You escaped. You got out of there."

"I wanted to find you."

Utena couldn't bring herself to say anything else, there was no need to. No words could ever describe what had happened between them, the feelings they had for each other. Instead, she intertwined their fingers together, and the act of it felt like putting together two halfes of a broken heart.

A loud, unpleasant whistling sound filled the air.

Anthy let out a small breath and smiled in amusement, lowering her gaze.

"The tea..."

There they were, sitting at a table again, with two cups, a plate of cookies, and ChuChu sleeping peacefully beside them. Anthy took both of Utena's hands in hers, and squeezed them gently. Right now, neither of them felt like drinking. No words were spoken that night. Just tears of pure joy spilled, and knowing, tender smiles exchanged. It wasn't a happy ending, it was hardly an ending at all. The next day, there were other hardships for them to face. But in that moment, none of that mattered, because these two girls found each other, and at last - were free. Finally, together, shining brighter than the stars in the sky.

[weirdpersonifiedpills]

🌟💊-Welcome!-💊🌟

Heyo, I’m Mouthy (@mouthydraws), welcome to my funny pill blog! I’m an autistic artist with a special interest in pharmacology, specially psychiatric medications, more specifically antidepressants, even more specifically SSRIs. A lot of the stuff I post here will be older until I’m able to catch up, but that hopefully won’t take too long!

New blog for my medication personifications? First post obviously has to be the SSRI lineup from 2022, here come the white-tailed deer ready to fight for your mental health!

From left to right: Zelmid (zimelidine), Luvox (fluvoxamine), Prozac (fluoxetine), Zoloft (sertraline), Paxil (paroxetine), Celexa (citalopram), and Lexapro (escitalopram)

SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) are a class of antidepressants used to treat a variety of mental illnesses, most notably anxiety disorders and depression. They’re my absolute favorite class and the reason I’m currently in college for pharmacology. Prozac’s history in particular is my favorite to read about, so expect plenty of him and his history lol.

F.A.Q.

What are personified pills?

Personified pills are, as the name suggests, personifications of medications. Each aspect of the character, from their design to their personality, is carefully chosen based on historical, chemical, and pharmacological aspects of the actual medication. I enjoy drawing the characters in scenes that reference the real-life history of said drug.

Are these your OCs?

Yes. While I don’t own the idea of personifying medications, the designs and characters themselves do belong to me. You’re welcome to design your own personifications, or use mine with credit!

Why are they animals/furries?

Each class of drugs is a different animal species, I think it adds a lot to the characters, and specific animals are chosen in the same way every other aspect of the characters are chosen. Having the characters be animals also allows for clear distinctions between drug classes. I don’t enjoy drawing humans, but even if I did, I’d still keep them as animals.

Do you have a personification for *insert medication here*

All of my personifications are on my Toyhouse (@mouthydraws) under the ‘Medications’ folder. It can take some background knowledge on the class of the drug/possible subclasses or categories to find some of them, so I’ll also be uploading all of them here and using tags to make them easier to locate. If you have a specific medication you want to see, feel free to let me know!

Will you personify illegal drugs?

Given that most illegal drugs either didn’t start out as illegal or are only illegal in certain forms/circumstances, yes. I’ve started on the opioid personifications, and diacetylmorphine (her0in) is definitely going to be a part of that, as well as ADHD medications, which means m3thamphetamine hydrochloride (crystal m3th) is also on the horizon.

Are real people/names included in character lore?

No, I try to keep real people out of the personified pill lore, as it is fiction that’s simply based on actual events. A lot of the history behind these medications can be upsetting, and I do my best to treat these events with the respect they deserve. I’ll talk a lot about drug companies (Eli Lilly, Pfizer, Novartis, AstraZeneca, etc. etc.) but I won’t mention anyone specific lore-wise. I enjoy talking about drug history OUTSIDE of these characters, and will probably do that here too (with appropriate tags of course).

My inbox is always open, but I’m more active on Instagram and Twitter (@mouthydraws). I post a lot of WIPs and general pharmacology ramblings on my Instagram stories, so if you’re interested come check it out! I’m always looking for more pharmacology mutuals!!

[rin-and-jade]

Im so happy to see you taking a break and I hope the break is very nice!

I understand there might be a delay in responses but thats okay, please take your time your health is more important !!

Be prepared for a huge wall of text so sorry in advance-

But, i have a few things im just itching to ask gahhh

Firstly, we originally believed we had little to no amnesia (believing osdd-1b) BUT since then we realised the amnesia is so much heavier than we realised, we figured bc we could recall general events and it was calm in a sense (we saw majority of the time when people experience amnesia its distressing and the loss of all memory) but, the memories are not memorying, so now we are assuming just DID, and that brings me to the second part...

fragments and subsystems, so, idk how valid this is (mostly bc my assumptions are based off vibes/gut instinct) but im fairly sure a subsystem occurred a few months back from a split where that alter just disappeared, which is unusual from what we have documented from the past 1.5 years (most splits the alter detaches from the stressor and those stressors mould a new alter to deal with it in a sense-) so from the recent odd split i believe a subsys was created as such? i have no clue except the vibes, in which it feels like a bunch of fragments in a sense? like i believe ive been fronting for months on my own for now, but there are some parts of my days where i just blank anything that happened, so im curious if there is-

and its not the only time as such where we have had this dreaded gut feeling there were more parts that might be dormant or even very separate, or even parts we dont even notice due to the nature of disorder being a whole lot of forgetting and the disorder pretending to not be the disorder and stuff ;-;

im so sorry for the huge rambles, if you have any advice or explanations or even resources i can read through to draw my own conclusions that would be so cool, bc as of right now im so scared to say this as i feel like im actually faking it for attention and theres no way i was traumatised enough for this and yadayada

tldr: should i trust my 'gut instincts' about system related information, or is my brain being silly?

I don't see the point on invalidating instincts, they're subconscious pattern detectors, so if you feel off, you bet it IS off. Though it's healthy to back it up with evidence preferably, and if there's no evidence yet, then you prowl like a predator in attempt to search for the truth scroll... cough--with a help from me whenever you need it, i mean im not going anywhere.

Also, you can check wether you have did or osdd by jotting down logs or patterns wether: you're memorying more or memorying less, the things you forgot, how often do you find yourself black/greying out, how distinct your personalities are, and wether you can easily remember other part's memories or able to grasp another facet of yourself (if you do not, or is really hard too, im sure this is 'did' from first impression)

--

Right, and for the advices, further explanations, or even resources are all answered by my previous edu posts where its compiled in the #jeducates tag,, i'd love you to just swim in it and process all my information like a sponge.. and come back the second time with more specific questions if you still need confirmation or assurances.

Let me know how it went, i'll be waiting for ya's update!

- c

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

2 & 13 for the writing asks!

Hey! Thanks for the ask! (From this writers ask game)

2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?

I self-identify as more of a Plantser. I delve in both, understand both, practice both.

I used to be more of a Pantser, but I lean more toward Plotter/Planner. It's helped me so much to have an outline, to do background world building, to plan a chapter before I write it. I do, however, need to write to figure some things out. I also do the world building as needed sometimes. Same goes for characters.

So yeah, bit of both, but I've shifted over time.

13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

Hm, this seems tricky. My writing process is very strange. I'm still polishing.

Linked in my pinned post on TSP is the backstory of how I got to where I am. It's hard to explain, but I'll try.

I got the idea for TSP from this story I acted out with my stuffed animals when I was young. I don't know why 10 y/o me decided to write an adaptation of this for a school project, but I became obsessed with it. I rewrote it multiple times, staying in each version for a while, revising as I went, until I settled on something that was finally close to what it is today at around 14.

I rewrote it because I got stuck and didn't plan. I didn't have a lot of this draft planned, but I did start to develop one as I went on. This version of TSP lasted a while until I realized I needed to massively overhaul it. Change the timeline, add about half a book of new content, cut unnecessary things, focus more on characters, etc. I started over again.

Throughout this draft, I've taken multiple breaks of overhauling one key aspect. Characters were huge. I needed to make everyone distinct, so I focused on personality, emotions, how they express that, etc. Every time I think of a new thing each character should have, I focused on that for a while. I am currently working on world building the magic system, which will take a while.

I have gone through TSP multiple times, rereading for specific revisions, like character ticks or using Ctrl+F for unnecessary words and phrasing. Last time I was revising I got stuck, so that's why I've decided to world build.

My process of outlining now is quite complicated. I have a master "brainstorming document" as I call it. I have it more organized now though. Sections where I make broad comments on characters and their dynamics, plot ideas for various story threads organized by the part they're in, notes on revision ideas, etc. I also made a brief outline for Part Two listing all the chapters I need to make happen.

I then take those vague outlines and focus more on what I need for the entirety of Part Two. I cross-reference them with my brainstorming ideas to pair together characters and scene ideas. As each chapter comes up, I look at what I have and expand even more on what needs to happen in this chapter. As I go on, I note when I can cut a chapter from the outline because it turns out it became unnecessary. Changing the outline is not a big deal for me at all. I had an idea, but part of writing is the discovery, hence why I'm part Pantser.

When this draft of Part Two is complete, I'll do similar revision sweeps as I did with Part One. I also am writing down ideas for revisions as I go. Sometimes, if something is small, I'll go back and change something immediately. If it's a little bigger, I tend to wait to revise it.

Now Part One is in beta reading stages. What I do is I read over the comments the reader left me and think critically about each of them. What I'm doing right, what I need to work on. I take every comment seriously whenever they make a suggestion or criticism. Their word is not gospel, but their insight is important. I decide if I like their input, then implement it. Most of the time I do listen, at least partially, because a second opinion is always helpful.

Hope these were good answers :)

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

[natyune-writes]

oh look! an intro post!

hello! welcome to my writing side blog. this is where i hide all my oc nonsense. i will try my best to post here but i make no promises.

a little about me: you may call me nat or natyune! i don't really like any other nicknames. i'm a palestinian graduate student. as such, i am super busy and my activity is sporadic at best. my main blog is @natyune-art, which is where i post art of my ocs :)

all asks are welcome! i try to answer all the ones i get but i am a busy person.

you guys should totally follow my besties @briarborealisocs (aka @briarborealisart), @sqeedledob, and @ck-scribbles

a little about my current WIPs:

the weaver's apprentice:

vaguely a collaboration with @briarborealisocs! this wip follows auryn, a fire mage and traveling performer with a distinct inability to tell the truth. despite lacking the ability to perceive or control witch-magic, he has become somewhat obsessed with learning all he can about it. he seemingly refuses to answer questions about the spells and enchantments he is researching. auryn eventually befriends a witch named kadijah (@briarborealisocs' character), who slowly grows suspicious of him due to his seemingly coincidental connections to the recent kidnappings that have been occurring in his wake. still, she is somewhat reckless and curious and ends up attempting to figure him out while she helps him with his research, despite not fully understanding what it is he is searching for.

the fey courts:

this one doesn't have an official name yet. someday it will. regardless, this wip follows amina, a young seelie mother, as she attempts to save her changeling son's life from a magical illness with seemingly no cure. in the process of searching for a cure, things don't go to plan and she ends up transported into the unseelie fey realm. amina ends up befriending katarina, an unseelie changeling with the same set of symptoms as her son. she also befriends nikolai, katarina's twin brother, who has been researching a medicinal treatment for his sister's symptoms since he could walk. in the process of trying to understand the magical illness, amina begins to grow wary of nikolai's very unnerving methods. to put it simply, things begin to fall apart the more amina begins to uncover.

i have other WIPS, but theyre on the backburner. maybe someday i'll share about them. anyways, my ask box is open and i would love to talk about my characters, so if you have any questions please feel free to ask!

tags system!

oc tags: #nat oc: [character name] (ex: #nat oc: auryn)

story tags: #the-weavers-apprentice, #the-fey-courts

me just rambling: #nat posting

thanks for reading! <3

[sxvethelastdance]

Princes Deposed by the Plot - Piccolo and Vegeta

Time for another entry into the series of Z posting, as warned here with all its various disclaimers.

Naturally… By virtue of my [ahem] writer’s priorities, I ran to slap a comparison of Vegeta and Piccolo’s arcs together based on their two major monologues and their companion quotes! Is it because I think their trajectories are mirrored in both of them having this major speech that shifts their priorities or because my brain is two tsuns poisoned? Who knows. Anyhow, this is a decidedly non-shippy analysis— shocking for this blog. I know! But yes, my intentions in posting this are to provide a really interesting comparison that I think deserves attention. I’m still going to tag it with the ship labels though for all you folks at home who see something compelling here.

An up front special thanks to my friend Stiles over @bastardsunlight for listening to me ramble about these developments over a period of a year and change as I faithfully documented my reactions and came to this conclusion. ANOTHER special thanks to my buddy B for making the joke that became the title of this post. 

Analysis below

It’s so fucking INTERESTING to me, the way that both Piccolo and Vegeta come to a major conclusion about themselves through putting themselves on the line for Goku specifically. 

Mind you, this is hardly anything new for a Dragon Ball villain, but there’s always been a consensus that these two are Goku’s ultimate rivals. Piccolo because he was born to hate Goku, a dying wish with the mission of ‘kill kill kill’ in the egg he hatched from- and Vegeta because he was raised to hate the kind of challenge someone like Goku presents him. They maintain the bulk of their personality and distinctive traits because of the sustained relevance that their position measured relative to Goku’s grants them. 

You have these two former villains with not only the kind of baggage that your Z-Fighter prior had, but on steroids. A child’s desire to be worth the legacy and remaking of a ‘King’ and his great evil vs the child’s bottomless ambition for power so as to never be helpless again, to be the boot crushing the ant instead of the ant.  Piccolo was “born” evil, not raised. Vegeta was raised into a culture that delights in other people’s pain, strength for strength’s sake- and also with Frieza as his “parent” in some respects. 

There’s this fundamental similarity in the trajectory of their arcs- though Piccolo inevitably finds it much easier because he doesn’t have to contend with the expectation of cultural norms. He doesn’t have a context of that until he’s an adult. And like I mentioned before, the crowning moment of when their characters earnestly have shifted their beliefs rings rather similarly in both cases. 

Piccolo wanted to stay on Namek to fight by Goku’s side, even if it meant putting himself in Frieza’s line of fire. 

Vegeta admitted out loud that he didn’t stand a chance against Buu and committed to a fight WITHOUT the goal of winning- the goal was explicitly a support role to Goku. Holding Buu off to give him time to power up and beat the monster. 

Both of them put down their goals right on the floor and stepped into what their earlier selves would’ve considered humiliating positions. They are admitting second fiddle and for the first time they’re not taking it as an insult. They want to see him win! They NEED him to win. 

So much of it is the stakes- wanting to see a common foe go down, yes. But for both of them we see that they’ve got people they love that they’re doing this for. It’s not about what they want or even need or themselves anymore. These monologues happen after several turning points- it’s like closing the book on the chapter of a compulsion that they realized wasn’t making them happy. 

They both allow themselves to get brutally tortured not as a consequence of fighting to fight around the time of these revelations, but because they realize that there’s someone to go home to- and that home won’t exist anymore if they don’t do it. 

And— what the shit. I realize as I’m writing this that they both did it so that Goku could charge the spirit bomb. Piccolo for the bomb against Frieza, Vegeta for the bomb against Kid Buu. Straight up scene after scene of them not just getting thrashed; but very visibly put in the ground like a dog. Worse than death, because it isn’t over. 

You get to hear these men getting beaten brutally (the visual style communicates a lot more than a blow for blow fight in instances where one character is severely outmatched. Think Tien vs Nappa, Frieza and Vegeta at the waterfall, the Androids and the Z-Fighters), 

- knowing that Goku’s the only way, and that they’re only getting up because he needs them to. They know he needs them, and they need him right back. 

It’s their home they’re bleeding for. Now is the time to do the noble thing- and it is noble. Because it requires no shortage of fighting their innate selfishness, their drives and the goals that subsumed a good deal of their lives. 

Now here’s the monologues and some companion scenes signaling the shift in their characters at different points. 

The Monologues + Companion Quotes:

Piccolo’s monologue [Spoken after being transported to Earth while SSJ Goku fights Frieza]

"Goku... Our paths have crossed many times along the way. It's because of you that I was even born. 

From the very beginning, when I was nothing but an egg, even then I wanted you destroyed. I was born hating you. As a young fighter, those tournaments against you were all that I had. I lived for the chance to see you die.

(Flash to the 23rd World Martial Arts Tournament)

I will never forget our fight in the World Martial arts tournament. With my newly learned ability to increase my size, I knew that this would be it. This would be my chance to finish you. But still you found a way to beat me, your power, I've never seen it anything like it. 

From that day forward, I knew that there was something different about you. Something... Not of this world. And then the fight with Raditz—

(Cut to the killing blow between Raditz and Goku, the Special Beam Cannon)

Huh. I can't say I objected to destroying you.

After all, it's what I'd been waiting for my whole life. But as you lay there lifeless, the job wasn't what I'd imagined. 

How could I hate someone with such an honorable sacrifice? Goku, why did you have to send me back to Earth? I wanted to fight alongside of you... It's vexing, but your powers have become far greater than my own, and so has your character. You chose to beat Frieza at the cost of your own life. You're always like that."

+

Scene — Gohan asleep by the fire 

PICCOLO: (gently pushes Gohan’s bangs back) Until now, training you has been about vengeance. But something’s changed. No matter what happens, I’ll always be there to protect you, Gohan. Sleep well, my friend. 

Scene — Flying toward the battle with Frieza

PICCOLO: Gohan’s energy signal is fading! I’m not gonna let it happen, cause we’ve been through too much together.  

(Flashback, spanning their time training together) 

You were just a pampered kid when I took you in, but you never gave up. You never failed to surprise me either. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so hard on you. But you took it without complaint and I could tell despite the hardship I put you through;  You truly cared about me. So I died for you... And I’d do it all again. 

Scene — Piccolo and Vegeta’s final talk

PICCOLO: I was just like you once, until Gohan’s love changed me. I know you were changed too, I know how much courage it took to do what you did. 

                                                             VS.

Vegeta’s Monologue [spoken while SSJ3 Goku fights Buu off]

“Amazing. How do you do it Kakarot? You’ve always been like this. Ever since the first day I met you. Always ready to meet the next challenge, even when it’s bigger than you are. 

It was the same on Namek, you had improved so much it made Recoome look like he was standing still. Your power had increased so dramatically since our battle on Earth that I thought you’d done it! That you had become a super Saiyan. 

It tore me apart. How could you, a low class soldier, accomplish so easily what I- I had struggled my whole life to achieve? Then at last it happened. I too transformed. After living every moment of every day for the singular purpose of surpassing you, I finally became a super Saiyan myself. The prince had reclaimed his throne and fulfilled his destiny! But no matter how strong I became, your power still exceeded mine. 

At first I thought it was your loved ones —

(flash to Gohan, Chi-Chi, Piccolo, Bulma, Krillin, Oolong, Yamcha, Puar— all in that order) 

— that it was your instinct to protect them that spurred you on and pushed you beyond your limits. But then I found myself with a family of my own and my power didn’t increase at all. 

I used to fight for the sheer pleasure of it. For the thrill of the hunt. Oh, I had the strength unmeasurable. I spared no one. And yet… you showed mercy to everyone. Even your fiercest enemies, even me. Yet you never fought to kill or for revenge. Only to test your limits and to push yourself beyond. To become the strongest you could possibly be. How can a Saiyan fight like that and at the same time be so gentle that he wouldn’t hurt a fly? 

Oh, it makes me angry just thinking about it! But perhaps it is my anger that’s made me blind to the truth for so long. I see it now. This day has made it all too clear. 

You’re better than me Kakarot. You are the best.”

+

Scene — Goten and Trunks arrive. Vegeta hugs Trunks.

VEGETA: Trunks, there’s something you must know. You’ve made me proud, son. 

Scene — Before The Explosion

VEGETA: Trunks, Bulma, I do this for you. And yes… Even for you, Kakarot. 

Scene - Asking The Earth for Its Energy (cutting between Namek and The Sacred World of the Kais)

KIBITO KAI: Do you think Vegeta could soften his request somewhat? You know, ask them nicely? (The people of the Earth)

ELDER KAI: He could. If he wasn’t a proud, pigheaded, arrogant fool! 

KIBITO KAI: Look! He’s trying again.

VEGETA: (now pleading): People of the earth, please. I beg of you. You have to listen to me, please. We’re running out of time. 

(either sweat or a tear that runs down his face at this point. It’s ambiguous) 

Raise your hands. Do it before it’s too late. don’t let Majin Buu destroy you and your children! PLEASE! DONT LET HIM WIN!

These considerations in mind: It makes a great deal of sense as to what people would see in pairing them together- be it for the sake of putting the two stoic men who used to be the big bad in the same panel together while Goku fights the big battles, or for shipping purposes. They’re kindred spirits, and sometimes when you see yourself in someone else you decide: Boy, I don’t fucking like you.

They are two characters who after a series of journeys, have broken from either familial or cultural expectations as a hallmark of their development and subsequently found some kind of validation and self-actualization. From that point they can think about what it is that THEY want. A long path on its own. 

[aewrie]

i started rambling in tags there but actually i'll just make a separate post bc i have a lot of thoughts. readmore bc long, cw mentioned csa, harassment, etc

there's a world of difference between minors exploring sexual topics at their own pace in neutral/educational contexts etc, and being unwillingly exposed to sexual topics in ways meant to shock/disturb/harass/groom

i have been a minor in both of these situations. amazingly enough only the instances where my consent/boundaries were ignored ever bothered me, who would have thought!

the first book i read that had a sexually explicit scene was the clan of the cave bear (heavy cw for csa if you plan to read/look it up). i was 13 iirc. i did not know it contained such a scene, but going forward with the series, i quickly realized there would be a lot of sex. i read the whole thing before turning 18.

in general, i was given pretty free reign with the media i engaged with. zero adult supervision with my library habits. i learned what my limits were, i learned to pace myself as needed, i learned to curate my media intake. this was far more useful than someone filtering all my books for 'bad' content with no input from me would have been.

i started drawing/writing sexual things of my own in my preteens or soon after. it got fairly explicit fairly fast. i didn't share any of it with anyone, it was just for me, but i did draw and write these things as a outlet for the thoughts and feelings i was having.

i find this much preferable to what several of my peers were doing, which was having unsafe sex with each other and/or unsafe people. there were a few who were drinking around at 15ish, which means there was/were sketchy adult(s) providing alcohol, and who knows what else. at least one of the girl got pregnant. (worth noting that teen pregnancies are very rare here)

me reading spicy books or secretly drawing sex did not traumatize me. wouldn't be so sure about those former classmates.

also, in the context of that post showing a sign/disclaimer that is at an art gallery, i must mention that this not a one off situation. once i went to an exhibit (on an art school trip) dedicated to selfies. there was a section for nudes/sexual selfies. it was a somewhat separate corner of the exhibit, walled off but with open doorways so you could easily see inside. there was only a simple sign noting that there was sexual content in there, but no one stood there to check who went in. no ids were asked when we arrived to the gallery. all of us minus the teacher were in our late teens; some might have been minors, idk. just. your own call if you went in or skipped that section, that's it.

minors still should steer clear of specifically 18+ spaces/communities and such. it's not safe or educational or anything. a teen secretly & privately looking at something illicit vs engaging in sexual and/or kinky interactions/communities are extremely different. something like a strip club or a kink dungeon is strictly adults only for a reason. online, minors posting heavily suggestive material is extremely not good even if technically not adult content. there's some wiggle room in things appropriate for teens but not younger kids, i know i started sharing occasional mild nsfw art at around 15, but it was specifically in general art communities, not sexual/kink communities. social media makes that distinction tricky if it is there at all.

(tho i must admit, seeing what i intended as a sweet tender moment between my ocs to end up in someone's pregnancy fetish collection on deviantart was certainly a lesson to be learned about how people engage with things online. i was weirded out but shrugged it off since the person wasn't otherwise interacting with me or anything & it was ultimately harmless, and i've kept on doing that ever since. highly recommend!)

but. "nsfw spaces for minors"? (yikes) "sfw kink" communities open for minors? (for the love of fuck no)- you mean places designed for grooming. creeps will lie about their ages and motivations.

when and how and why and with whom matters so much when it comes to minors and sexual topics.

also i saw one person in the notes there going on about how you shouldn't tell kids what porn is until they're teens bc porn is traumatizing. fuck off with that

one thing mom did 100% right was explaining that porn is unrealistic make belief for adults that i shouldn't take seriously or try to mimic before i even knew what porn was & only had a rough understanding of sex.

that's how you prevent porn from messing with kid's perception of sex & reduce related trauma. you EDUCATE, and do it BEFORE the exposure happens. if you only teach about sex related things when they become "topical" there's a good change you're already too late. signed, more than one lesson came too late for me. fun things to learn in your-20s, yay

parents/teachers should go forward with the assumption that one way or another, minors will be exposed to sexual things, through their own curiosity, trough harassment/abuse, through peers wanting to shock them/gross them out, by pure chance/on accident, whatever it might be, and give them the tools and spaces to process what weird feelings or upset might come. pretending porn doesn't exist and demonizing sex all but guarantees issues and trauma.

[thecataclysmic6]

hihi!! sorry if this is weird kr whatever but I just realized I'm a system!! but the issue is I know next to nothing about roles and headspace(?) and everything. how do you find that stuff out? is there a beginners guide?? pls there's silly little people in my head and idk what to do about it -☁️🌱 (tag with ☁️🌱 so I can find this ask again pls? <3)

We can definitely try! Each system is different, so our experiences might also be very different. We're also still learning about what being a system entails ourselves (as we like to say, we're not a doctor, we're a patient lol).

Anyways! As we understand it, roles describe what part each alter plays in a system and can also just provide insight for others about that alter. They're not mutually exclusive or rigid, so they can overlap and even change over time.

An important distinction is between the ANPs and the EPs, that's a good place to start.

ANPs are "Apparently Normal Parts". Otherwise known as alters who take care of day to day life and usually have little to know recollection of trauma. They may have high amnesia and identify heavily with the body. A common alter type to fall under this are 'hosts'. In our system, I (Cat🐈‍⬛️) am the host and I have alot of amnesia around trauma. I'm an ANP.

EPs are "Emotional Parts". These are alters who hold onto trauma, are usually formed to keep the trauma hidden from the system, or alters who have been formed to handle specific experiences. A good example of this in our system is Ren✨️, who is a trauma holder and split to help with that specific trauma.

From there they can be placed into a bunch of other roles. Keep in mind, alters tend to be fully formed personalities and may not take to kindly to being placed in boxes. Assigning certain roles takes cooperation, communication, and time. All of which are difficult for some systems to form, don't worry if it doesn't happen immediately and don't try and rush it.

The headspace is generally what systems use to refer to the place alters exist when they are not fronting. It can be a safe place that became internalized. Each systems headspace will look different, and some don't have one at all! Ours for a very long time was just a black empty void, but over time it's changed to a black empty void but with a library.

At the moment, sysblr is very focused on endogenic vs. traumagenic. (Note we are neutral on this discourse and prefer to stay at minimum 10ft away at all times, please dont ask us our opinions on it cause it stresses us out) So alot of our sources will be outside of tumblr blogs.

Essentially endogenic systems are systems formed without trauma, while traumagenic is formed from either an incident or long term related trauma (very simplified). Keep in mind, systems are usually formed to protect from trauma and you should not go looking for evidence of trauma without guided assistance from a professional such as through therapy. Honestly, my advice is to avoid this discourse until you get a better grasp on being a system. (It can be kinda a cesspool and just not a safe place for new systems)

My best advice is to try and set up communication with your system. This can be a very long process for some but it's a good step.

Anyways long post rambling aside, I asked a few other systems to help me gather some good resources for you. I hope these can be some bit of help! Note: alot of these resources are dedicated to DID specific systems but can also be useful to other types of systems. CW: there may be triggering topics mentioned, please read with caution. Here's some that we all gathered together:

A Book about living with alters (explains headspace and developing communication):

Book describing dissociation:

Blog full of multiple coping mechanisms to help with being a system. (They also have a list of more resources on their blog)

An online list of common Alter Roles and Terminology (not conclusive and some are outdated):

[the--art--of--reading]

I posted 18 times in 2022

18 posts created (100%)

0 posts reblogged (0%)

I tagged 17 of my posts in 2022

Only 6% of my posts had no tags

#book review - 17 posts

#booklr - 16 posts

#books & libraries - 15 posts

#ya books - 12 posts

#books and reading - 10 posts

#reading - 9 posts

#books - 7 posts

#ya fiction - 7 posts

#diversity in ya - 6 posts

#historical fiction - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 50 characters

#asian american and pacific islander heritage month

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

book review | The Marvelous

Author: Claire Kann

Genre: YA Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Mystery

Rating: ⭐⭐

From the blurb: The Marvelous “follows six teens locked together in a mansion, contending for a life-changing cash prize in a competition run by a reclusive heiress.”

Sounds good, right? Well, it wasn’t (at least for me). I really, really wanted to like this book. The representation was great, the premise sounded fun, and I wanted to give Kann a second chance after I DNF’ed her other novel, Let’s Talk About Love. Unfortunately, it failed to meet the hype. 

The execution was terrible. The book has only 3 POVs, but is still confusing and lacks any distinction in character voice. Luna, Stella, Nicole, and Jewel felt like the same person. I'd get through an entire section and feel like I'd somehow skipped over a few paragraphs. The mystery game aspect was interesting, but it’s hard for readers to try and solve the clues because of how the plot is set up. The worldbuilding was vague--I'm still not exactly sure what Golden Rule is. All of these aspects put together made for a book I struggled to get through and characters I couldn’t connect to. 

One thing I liked: the cover--I love seeing hand drawn artwork on books. Liz Dresner and Rachelle Baker did a great job with the design and artwork respectively. 

While reading Goodreads reviews, I saw The Inheritance Games mentioned a few times. I’m not familiar with it, but it might be worth checking out if you’re looking for a different book with a similar premise. 

15 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#4

quick review | Vengeance Road

Author: Erin Bowman

Cover Illustration: Teagan White (this cover is everything)

Genre: YA Fiction, Historical Fiction, Western

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Revenge is worth its weight in gold. When her father is murdered for a journal revealing the location of a hidden gold mine, eighteen-year-old Kate Thompson disguises herself as a boy and takes to the gritty plains looking for answers—and justice. What she finds are untrustworthy strangers, endless dust and heat, and a surprising band of allies, among them a young Apache girl and a pair of stubborn brothers who refuse to quit riding in her shadow. But as Kate gets closer to the secrets about her family, a startling truth becomes clear: some men will stop at nothing to get their hands on gold, and Kate’s quest for revenge may prove fatal.

I have never read a Western before and this book made me realize how much I’ve been missing. This was one of the most entertaining books I’ve read in a while. There is a wonderful balance of description and action, a morally gray protagonist, and a plot twist that brought the plot down perfectly. If you’re looking to try something new, but want to stick with YA, this is a read to consider. 

28 notes - Posted February 28, 2022

#3

book review (ramble) | Shadow and Bone

Author: Leigh Bardugo

Jacket Design: Natalie C. Sousa and Ellen Duda

Genre: YA Fantasy, Fantasy

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, finally got to read this. I’ve been a Six of Crows fan for some time, but I’ve danced around getting deeper into the GrishaVerse as I’ve heard mixed reviews. Fantasy is an iffy genre for me, but Shadow and Bone managed to draw me in with excellent worldbuilding, mysterious characters, and plenty of dark elements. I really enjoyed Alina Starkov’s voice and experiencing the world of the Grisha through her eyes. I won’t go into the plot too much, but I do like the choices the author made in terms of pacing. Bardugo has masterfully set up this series and I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes (hopefully it won’t loose steam in the second novel as with other fantasy series). I can’t give any definite reviews yet, but if you liked Six of Crows (or any other magical/dark fantasy novels), Shadow and Bone is worth the read.

32 notes - Posted January 8, 2022

#2

quick review | There There

Author: Tommy Orange

Cover Designer: Tyler Comrie

Genre: Adult Fiction

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Tommy Orange's wondrous and shattering novel follows twelve characters from Native communities: all traveling to the Big Oakland Powwow, all connected to one another in ways they may not yet realize. Among them is Jacquie Red Feather, newly sober and trying to make it back to the family she left behind. Dene Oxendene, pulling his life together after his uncle's death and working at the powwow to honor his memory. Fourteen-year-old Orvil, coming to perform traditional dance for the very first time. Together, this chorus of voices tells of the plight of the urban Native American--grappling with a complex and painful history, with an inheritance of beauty and spirituality, with communion and sacrifice and heroism. Hailed as an instant classic, There There is at once poignant and unflinching, utterly contemporary and truly unforgettable.

A powerful book, an unforgettable book, an important book that adds so much to the understanding of what it means to be an urban Native American. This book is written from the perspectives of multiple characters which made the narration shifts and time jumps a little disorienting, but I eventually found my groove. Orange writes with such a confidence that forces the reader to pay attention to the realities he is conveying. This is a must add to your reading list. 

174 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

quick review | American Betiya

Author: Anuradha D. Rajurkar

Cover Art: Saqiba Suleman 

Cover Design: Angela Carlino

Genre: YA Fiction, Romance, Realistic Fiction

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

This was a rollercoaster of a book. I thought the premise was interesting, but the first few chapters almost lost me. I struggled to connect with Rani and the decisions she made and the parts with Oliver were uncomfortable to read at times. In the end, I do appreciate this novel for the story it tells. Shedding light on the intersections between culture and identity and toxic relationships is not easy to do, but Rajurkar does it with wisdom and authenticity.. My favorite sections had to be Rani's time in India and the realization and healing that came with it. This book is hard to read at times, but worth it for the themes it holds. 

469 notes - Posted February 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kamari333]

If i can ask about the rare pair event

Does a rare pair count if it's connected to an obscure au?

Like something only the person posting knows?

Or must be about a semi-known au?

Great question! I'm going to assume this is in regards to Undertale/UTMV. I am also going to ramble a lot because this is a somewhat complicated question.

TLDR What determines if something is allowed is related directly to its AO3 tag, and so your best bet is to ask about your AU specifically.

Long rambly answer:

I didn't officially codify what quantifies as an AU in the official rules because 1: thats somewhat controversial and 2: i didn't feel like i had enough mods to give me a well rounded set of fair opinions on the matter. I'm going to say, on paper, that technically speaking, the rules don't discriminate between a self made and fandom adopted AU. What the rules do say is that the AU must have a Tag. And for the sake of fun, I do tend to hold up the rules, ask my mod team their thoughts, and largely let folks 'get away with' technicalities xD

Also, the importance of an AU depends greatly on whether or not the Rarepair is dependent on cross-au matching or not. For example: Doggo/Burgerpants is a rarepair no matter what AU, because it is a pairing that would be tagged in the Relationship field. But Red/Dance is a cross AU rarepair, which is tagged it the Additional Tags field, and so that relationship can only exist if both underfell and dancetale are distinct and codifiably taggable undertale AUs.

My personal opinions on the matter are, of course, that an Undertale AU must be an AU with a strong and relevant foundation of undertale-lore, have at least 1 distinct and relevant difference from other AUs, and have at the barest minimum 3 undertale characters in it. of course the preference is to have (or at least have the potential for, even if you havent fleshed them all out) all characters, but theres so many so its understandable if you havent gotten to them all yet. furthermore, if the equivalent of the original game's story were to take place in the AU, the characters who play the role of the main characters in the game must be derivatives/variants of the game's characters, and not OCs in their own right. The AU must have a Name. And that Name must be translatable into a Tag.

However, I'm running this event for the sake of fun, and I know I am weird and often stubborn, so if the question was brought up 'does X count as an AU' and my first thought was "No", i would go to my other mods to check my biases.

and... to be fair, even if it doesnt, there is always the chance of an exception being made... or accommodations being made...

...i went on a tangent. i probably should have said from the start that even by my criteria, what determines an AU's event validity isnt the popularity of the AU. you can be the only person who creates for it and it can still count, so long as it can be recognizably defined as an AU.

I will also say that there is a difference between Lore-based and Concept-based AUs. For example, Underverse and Leviathantale are lore-based MAUs which distinguish themselves on the narrative level (the author level) rather than the conceptual level (the fandom level). that means Underverse Red/Lust isnt conceptually different than non-underverse red/lust and therefor wouldnt get its own tag, so it would be synonymized with regular red/lust, just as leviathantale geno/reaper isnt conceptually different than non-leviathantale geno/reaper and therefore wouldnt get its own distinct tag, so it would be synonymous with regular geno/reaper.

this gets incredibly complicated because there is no 1 singular factor in determining if an AU is or isnt an AU, and i'm only one person with strong annoying opinions, and frankly i would prefer those opinions not get in the way of fun yanno?

i just wanna have fun with my friends and community celebrating rarepairs xD and if that sounds good to you too, we can talk details together.

[tm-trx]

currents.25/2023

selections from my week in media [18-24 june 2023]

Click through for kpop ramblings, underwhelming dramas, entertaining dramas, and way too many parenthetical thoughts.

[anticipating]

SHINee - It’s finally comeback week! Maybe we’ll get a performance in the suits? And I’m excited that Minho & Taemin will be on Amazing Saturday.

[listening]

Bouncy / ATEEZ - It’s an earworm at this point, but I’m not mad about it.

Pentagon - Based on this post, I made up a bunch of playlists and have been working my way through them [standouts so far: Like This, Daisy, Shine, Do or Not, and Critical Beauty]. I like them, although I will say they sound “stereotypically kpop” to my ears right now. I don’t consider this to be a bad thing, it’s just that it’s what I would have expected kpop to sound like before I actually started listening to it. For reference: the first kpop I heard was SHINee thanks to Boys Over Flowers, but BTS is who got me started listening to it. Then I figured out who SHINee were and have mostly stayed there. I tend to like groups with clear-cut ‘leader’ voices* so SHINee is exactly what I love.

But it is still early days, and I have not watched any of Pentagon’s promo content so I have very little idea who the members are or what their voices sound like (that said, there is one guy that is starting to stand out - Kino I think?). In that vein, if you are their fan please feel free to send me links (or tag me). I’ll be looking for guides to watch too, but I’m sure some are better than others.

*What I’m calling groups with one or two people whose voices are distinct enough to stand out without knowing the members (whether that person is the official ‘leader’ or not). SHINee is of course my prime example, with both Jonghyun’s and Onew’s voices clearly standing out. This isn’t a quality or value judgement, my ears are just very good at voice recognition so that’s the thing I focus in on most of the time.

TL;DR: Pentagon is great and I want to keep listening/learning until I know them better. (I wasn’t kidding about the playlists. I think I’m up to six. LOL)

[reading]

An Elegant Solution by giraffeter - MDZS fix-it - reread

[watching]

The First Responders - If I had known it ended on a cliffhanger I would have waited until season two was out (MDL says it’s coming August 2023). It was mostly okay. There was a corruption subplot that wasn’t integrated well at all and felt shoe-horned in. On the flip side, I really liked Dojin, the firefighter of the lead triad. Said triad is a great candidate for ot3-ness (which I loved), even though the show went with the tired old love triangle trope. The cases of the week were all interesting and heart-breaking by turns.

King the Land - This show is still firmly in romcom territory and honestly I’m loving it. I haven’t watched a chaebol kdrama in awhile, so the tropes aren’t old or annoying, but instead cheesy and funny.

Love Tractor - It’s still just okay. It’s a critique cliche, but the two leads feel like they are in different dramas. One is in a light and cute country mouse/city mouse romcom, the other is in a moody finding yourself YA romance. (It will surprise no one who has read anything in my #tmtrx watches drama tag which one I prefer.) The appearance of the boyfriend this week was the highlight of the episode. That final conversation was so so good. I hurt for both of them. It’s a painful truth that high school-to-college relationships rarely work out.

Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Tokyo in April is) - I think I should have waited on this one. We’re two episodes into an eight episode show of 30-minute episodes and I’m getting the slow drip feeling. The problem is that I love it so I’ll probably keep torturing myself by watching week to week.

SHINee World IV concert - Wow. SHINee is back! It was an incredible concert. They really are live vocal kings.

Step By Step - Fits neatly into my ‘delicious angst’ file. What a great episode.

W Two Worlds - Rewatched the whole series this week. I love it so much. I wish they’d made a tie-in manhwa (or at least printed a collection of the manhwa art), because I love the art style they used for it in the show. I also wish the boxed set wasn’t so ding-dang expensive because apparently it includes a director’s cut?!

previous Currents posts

[moonsdancer]

This is a good question @fleursdusang. I've done a lot of thinking about this with the other eight or so MelJay shippers I communicate with on Discord 😭 , and we'd long ago agreed that MelJay is an ironic rare-pair. But more on that below.

@arcane-rarepair-week has done a great write-up of what "constitutes" a rare pair in fandom, and they've broken it down here: (they do include MelJay on their list). Fandom Wiktionary describes it as:

A ship that generally receives little attention from fans and has few associated fanworks.

Ultimately, a ship is a rare pair based on output / engagement and not whether it's canon or not. Generally, the most "fair" metric to use is ao3 (although in some cases, it becomes apparent looking at fanart, or fan discourse, and other creative outputs what's what). MelJay has the unique 'distinction' of being one of the least supported / celebrated / whatever canon ships in maybe the history of any fandom. I ran the numbers, and it's pretty dire, just a quick summary from Sunday when I did this exercise to ask:

Is MelJay a "rare pair"?

based on ao3, only -

There were 8568 fanworks dedicated to Arcane on ao3. Of those fanworks, in terms of popularty by tag (including explicitly romantic and ships defined by '&' which are sometimes still romantic but not always), MelJay doesn't even appear in the top ten or fifteen.

Filtering out some of the "&" pairings allowed MelJay to edge its way in at about no. 9 or 10 with 213 stories.

Of those 213 stories: 116 were JayVik stories that weren't about MelJay. A good majority were often about breaking MelJay up or killing off Mel or whatever other narrative device in order to tell a story about JayVik. 74 of those are Violyn stories that tag MelJay despite it not being a factor in said story (I assume they do so because it's a canon ship, so folks just toss it in there). 51 of those were MelJayVik stories.

Once you filter those out, we come to 56 overall stories tagged MelJay. Of those 56, roughly 17 were actually about viktor with someone i.e. viktor / you or viktor / reader or viktor / original character. we can, if we're generous, pretend that about a third of those are as much about meljay as they are about viktor and whoever else, but even that would be a bit of a lie.

Once you filter those out, we were left with about 46 stories. And even in those, a quick review of the content showed some of them weren't even about MelJay.

A weird and non-self-aggrandizing fact that was pointed out to me today - just stating it to show the reality of things - I've written 15 of those stories, so that's about a third of stories, that are explicitly and materially in terms of the content about Mel Medarda and Jayce Talis in a relationship of some kind, were written by one person. That's weird, for the only confirmed, together, onscreen, canon romantic ship - but that's the reality.

ANYWAY.

The above rambling answer to your comment from this post is really my way of just reflecting on all this for my own reasons and opening the discussion which we'll all probably only have in an honest way in a few years across fandom about this and not to rant at you in anyway. Because the treatment of / reception / backlash (in many ways especially in the first few months) to MelJay is a bit weird. That's the word I'll use so I don't use different words that piss folks off.

This was a bit of a Ted Talk, sorry! 😂✨

ETA: Because someone did mention this, I know the '&' tag is generally used for platonic or familial relationships. But I notice people in a lot of cases in this fandom use it interchangeably with the bigger ships. May not always be the case. But either way, the situation for MelJay is dire. And those '&' ships don't really detract from that conclusion.