#<- i fucking guess. i dont even know what the words for all of the things youve done to me are at this point. my head is too muddy
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
sharpest tools
warnings: dual POV HAHA so im not saying i know jj or that this is how he thinks or whatever im simply doing it for a change of pace and writing style, wanted to experiment a little so by all means if this isnt your thing pls keep scrolling. mentions of extreme anxiety, mentions of chronic pain meds, over the counter meds
word count: 2299
summary: after your fight blows out of proportion both you and jj are left wondering what just happened? and the poor pogues are caught in the crossfires trying to delegate and reunite the two idiots. because neither of them are the sharpest tools in the shed.
jj's pov
"jj... jj wake up," my eyes open enough to see someone crouching in front of me.
why the hell is sarah waking me up?
i move to sit up forgetting i slept in the hammock last night so i swing and struggle for a second before gaining my balance back.
"whats up?"
she hands me a water and some aspirin she snagged from the kitchen, from the looks of it no one else is awake. "just wanted to make sure you were alright."
"i appreciate it sar but im good. i swear," i take a swig of the water before swallowing the pain killers, "theres absolutely nothing wrong," because really i dont know that the fuck is wrong.
"im guessing you dont wanna talk about what happened last night?"
"honest to god sarah im not even sure what happened- that girl kissed me and before i could get her off me y/n swooped in and exploded."
sarah sits criss cross on the grass next to the hammock looking over at me with an odd look on her face.
"so you didnt mean to kiss her?"
"no- sarah i didnt kiss that girl i swear on my life. she was asking me a question about directions and all of a sudden shes got me pinned against the rocks. honest," i hold my hands up in surrender feeling interrogated, "i'd never do that to y/n"
"im not saying you would- its just that we didnt know until last night so... speaking of that. what the fuck was that about?"
everyone has so many questions and honestly i do too, i dont know half of the answers. feels like i wiped out and i cant find the shore.
i just wish she'd talk to me. like im sure if shed just let me get two words in i could reassure her but i dont know what shes thinking right now and its killing me.
i hate it. i hate that i caused this.
but in my defense it kinda feels like she blew it way out of proportion if she had just let me explain this whole thing would be okay.
"i just... i dont know sar- she had all this anxiety about relationships and whatever- i dont really get it but she said she wanted to keep it between the two of us. who was i to tell her no ya know? i just wanna be with her."
sarah just kinda looks at me with wide eyes.
"what?"
"youre like- down bad arent you? youre totally whipped."
"i wouldnt say that-" she interrupts me.
"jj maybanks got a girlfriend... this is headline news," she chuckles making me roll my eyes. i thought we were having a serious conversation, not that i try to have those often but i could use her advice on the subject.
"sarah seriously- what the hell do i do? i barely know what happened last night how am i supposed to fix what i dont know is fucked up?"
"well from the tid bit you told me? sounds like shes massively overthinking and just saw the wrong thing at the wrong time, and it just so happened to fit into her warped little nightmare."
what the fuck did she just say?
"so youre saying this is just all in her head?"
"no- well- kind of... from the sounds of it shes got a lot of anxiety and trust issues. shes probably trying to self sabotage the relationship."
i let out a frustrated sigh, "can you not talk like a therapist for a minute?"
"jj what im saying is you both dont know how to handle the situation. you need to talk to each other, have a real discussion not just scream in each others faces like last night."
"i tried to talk to her! she wouldnt listen!"
sarah lets out a laugh letting her head hang as her body shook from the laughter. pushing some hair out of her face she turns her body to face me more head on.
"jj- it was the heat of the moment and she was scared and upset. of course she wasnt going to listen... now that shes had time to cool off? you might have a better shot."
"but what if she doesnt believe me?" look i dont like admitting that i get a little insecure sometimes, but id rather do that than fuck my relationship with y/n.
because god ive been trying for so long i dont know what im gonna do if i lose her.
i really need to see her. "is she awake?"
"not yet i dont think... why? what are you gonna do?" i stand up running my hands through my untamed hair trying to wake up a little bit.
"im gonna try to make it up to her- make sure shes up by the time i get home. 'kay?"
"home? what the fuck are you talking about jj? where are you going?" sarah stands up as she sees me walking towards my bike. her voice raising so it will carry enough for me to hear.
"dont worry bout it!"
with those final words i take off down the dirt road...
readers pov
ugh. my head is pounding. i need excedrin.
god last night was a horrible combination for my chronic migraines.
i walk into the kitchen and see john b and pope huddled in the corner making shushing noises before turning around to face me.
"there she is!" i shove my hand in john bs face to shut him up.
"its nine am. wheres the medicine cabinet my head is throbbing." poor sweet pope hands me the bottle of pills and a cold water. god bless him. "thank you," i let out a whine as i tilt my head back to take the medicine. "sorry ive got a killer migraine."
"oh-" they exchange glances with one another before pope speaks up in a hushed tone, "go lay down- let the meds work. and drink your water."
i squint at him, seeing how nervous he is. he wants to say something. they both do.
is this headache bearable enough to get this conversation over with? technically yes. should i use it as an excuse to ignore everything? probably not...
"its okay. we can talk. i can tell you want to."
"thank god" jb expresses before pope hits him in the chest, which leads to john b throwing his arms up in defense "what? you said we needed to talk to her!"
"yea but not force her to!"
"guys- cmon its fine. really. i know its a lot so lets just get this over with. yes jj and i had been dating for a month. yes we didnt tell anyone on purpose, i didnt want the pressure. i dont know if he kissed that girl or not but i freaked out and just wanted to be alone. i didnt mean to hurt his feelings but i was obviously upset so i said things i didnt mean. there. happy?"
both the boys look at me with bug eyes, "a month?!" they exclaim together.
"my god- yes. a month. its really not a big deal-"
"yes it is y/n- thats a huge step for you and jj. i thought the whole casual thing would flame out. this is a huge commitment for the both of you," pope reminds me, as if i wasnt aware. i
i was simply trying to down play it to give myself a reason to care less, seems like thats not happening any time soon.
"what are you my doctor?"
"i think what pope is trying to say is... were a little worried about you y/n/n... what happened last night- you kinda flew off the handle."
i whip my head around so fast i get dizzy, grabbing the counter for stability.
"excuse me? i flew off the handle? jj was the one kissing other girls-"
"y/n i think deep down you know thats not true-"
"no- no you dont get to tell me im crazy and then tell me what im thinking- this is my relationship. this is exactly why i didnt wanna tell everyone because i knew youd all stick your noses in it. what happened is between me and jj. no one else."
pope reaches out to steady me seeing me sway a little, "woah- okay maybe we should put a pause in this convo-"
"im fine pope. i just dont see how this is anyones business."
"we're not saying its our business y/n/n, were just worried about you. youre not acting like yourself. you seem anxious, paranoid, you know- just not normal," pope pleaded with me, making me sit on one of the dining chairs.
"right-" john be interjected, "all were trying to point out is we all know jj would never ever put his whatever you wanna call it with you in jeopardy. hes whipped. theres no way he went and kissed another girl."
i see where theyre coming from. i really do. i want to believe it but there are too many things playing in my head that tell me otherwise.
on one hand, i know jj would never hurt me. not on purpose, and to cheat is definitely with a purpose. hes always reassured me that its just me and since we got serious he hasnt given me a reason to doubt him.
but on the other... just seeing her all over him is so hard to forget. it all happened so fast, i dont know how long theyd been kissing for, maybe i got there just as it happened or maybe itd been going on for a while i have no idea. too many factors.
"y/n if you listen to literally anything we say let it be that we know jj loves you," i look up at the curly haired boy whos basically grown to be my brother.
"thats a big word for elmo-"
pope runs a hand over his face with a sigh, "for the love of god be serious for a minute," 'theyre made for each other' he thinks to himself. "just hear him out. please. for some reason he loves you a lot-"
"hey!"
"-and if were speaking freely youre the one whos put all of this at stake because all the rest of know jj didnt kiss that girl. youre the only one who has doubts. so talk to him. please. were begging you."
"... 'we're?' youve all talked about this?"
"of course we have- it all unraveled in front of us what else did you expect? by the way i was supposed to tell you sarah is siked for you- maybe nows not the time," john be stops himself scratching the back of his head.
honestly it gets a giggle out of me.
"okay.. yea. ill talk to him. where is he? is he here?"
pope looks out the window in the front yard, where he can see sarah peeking in before moving out os sight to pretend she wasnt listening in.
"he was here- he slept outside last night. wanted to give you space since you both normally share the couch."
oh... thats- sweet.
fuck. maybe i am screwing all of this up.
"can i come in now??" i hear sarah yell from the other side of the door.
"get in here!" i raise my voice a little testing my headache, which ironically has somehow gotten a little better.
sarah walks through the door. letting out a rather dramatic sigh, "finally. sorry- jj got some big idea and left on his bike a few minutes ago. said to have y'n awake by the time he gets back so... i dont really know what to do now."
john b looks at his wife and i notice... its like how jj looks at me.
fuck.
fuck fuck fuck.
"do you know where he went??" i look at sarah with a begging tone and pleading tone.
she shakes her head "sorry honey bun," she teases with a smile. "but since weve got time... john b, pope, and i will go get some breakfast while we wait for jj to get back. you stay here- give you two some space to work it all out."
"what? no its fine- really you dont have to go..."
sarah walks up to me grabbing me by the shoulder with some stupid fucking grin like shes all knowing, "girl. youre gonna be fine. youll talk, kiss, and make up and be the happiest couple ever. it will be sickening, trust me id know. relax. it will be fine. you and jj will be able to work this out, im sure."
and with that john b grabs the keys to the twinkie heading out the door following wifes orders, with pope following in suit with an apologetic shrug.
sarah gives me a teasing kiss on the forehead, "well be back soon sweetie be safe."
"oh fuck off- bring back bacon and coffee please," she salutes me before walking outside with the boys.
"no one ever said she was the sharpest tool in the shed," john b quips as he steps into the twinkie with a sigh before turning the ignition.
pope hops in the back letting out a small laugh "yea thats for sure."
"neither of them are," sarah rebuts looking over at john b as they all laugh. "theyre both as sharp as a dull spoon"
"what the fuck did you just say?" jb looks over at her with a quizzical look on his face.
"just drive routledge."
#jj maybank fics#jj maybank smut#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank#jj maybank one shot#fic recs <3#jj maybank need you by my side#mama needs her jj#my writing <3#obx imagine#obx fanfiction#obx
136 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi saiint! i would tell you to write evil kenifies to your hearts content as i said i would but i need some sugar. write them trying to draw one another and being cute, i dont know
dont you worry, other people have the evil on lock this time around :') here's some ken and wifies drawing!
Word count: 524
Ken’s tongue is poking out of the corner of his mouth as his pencil scratches on the paper in front of him. Wifies does the same in front of him, a stack of books haphazardly set between them so as to not look at each other’s work. Their kitchen table is covered in paints and brushes and pens, a cacophony of art materials that they were playing around with.
It’s hard to think that Wifies had never just. . . messed around with art before.
Ken hasn’t always given much thought to these kinds of experiences, so intrinsic and natural to life— everyone has fingerpainted on their floor and drawn in the margins of their homework and braided friendship bracelets at school, haven’t they? But not Wifies. So they’ve been playing around with art all day, and now they’re drawing each other on a time limit. Thirty minutes, just a pencil, do your best, have fun!
Ken’s sketch of Wifies is. . . wonky. His nose is a little too offset to one side, and his mouth just doesn’t look right, but otherwise Ken thinks he’s doing a pretty good job. The eyes even match! When the timer runs out, their comms blaring in sync, he feels satisfied.
“Pencils down!” Ken says with a grin.
“It’s down, it’s down.”
Wifies has a smear of paint on his arm, and what looks like charcoal smudged on his jaw. He looks cute. He looks somewhat like a kid discovering that he can make things pretty for the first time. Ken likes it.
“Ready?”
“Yup.”
“Three, two, one, reveal!”
Ken holds his sheet up towards Wifies over their makeshift barrier.
Then he sees Wifies’s art and his jaw drops.
“That’s so cute,” Wifies says, taking the sheet out of Ken’s hand with a blooming smile. Ken silently takes Wifies’s art in hand. “I love it.”
“What the fuck,” Ken says eloquently.
It’s a beautiful monochrome sketch of Ken. It looks just like him. Like, honestly, it’s kind of mind boggling how accurate and good it looks. This is unfair.
“This is unfair,” Ken says out loud. “How is it this good? How are you this good at drawing?”
“You like it?” Wifies asks. He keeps tracing his fingers over Ken’s shit-ass drawing.
“Wifies, what the hell, this looks amazing.”
“Thanks.”
“Mine looks awful next to this.”
“Noooo, no it doesn’t look awful,” Wifies holds Ken’s drawing to his chest as if Ken will snatch it away from him. He might. “I love it. You made it for me, and I love it. Don’t be mean to it. It’s beautiful.”
Ken blushes, because he’s stupid and easy. Wifies sounds so sincere and sweet, eyes wide as he watches Ken for any sudden snatching movements.
“It’s fine, I guess,” Ken grumbles and sinks back into his seat, looking at Wifies’s drawing of him.
There’s something. . . loving about it. The idea that Wifies has looked at Ken so often and catalogued so much of his appearance, to be able to draw him so well. . . Ken isn’t immune to tenderness, though he’s very much allergic to it.
He’ll find a good place to keep it.
#ask#kenifies#wifies#kenadian#saiintly apocrypha#saiintly hymn#very much readable as either romantic or platonic tbh
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
Responding to @meme-lorbius.
First of all, "publicly lied about me to make me look like a cunt."
That is not true. What I said to you? Yeah, those weren't lies. I'm fucking terrified of you. I'm only making this post so that you can't keep tricking my friends into thinking this is just some sort of argument.
I know what you did to me, Finn. It was a cycle. We'd get into an argument. You'd tell me I was an asshole and a horrible person. Then, eventually, you'd beg for me to come back.
You made sure I knew how much you were struggling right off the bat. Our first ever out of character conversation was you venting to me. You talked about wanting to die. You mentioned how you couldn't lose anyone else. You told me that I was your best friend.
With how much I trusted you and all the shit I let slip, don't act like you didn't know how old I was when we met.
I was 13. You were 18. You convinced me that you were emotionally dependent on me. I was scared to leave because I was convinced that you would hurt yourself if I did.
I vented to some of my close friends and asked for advice. They told me it sounded like it was abusive. I blocked you. You guilt tripped me into coming back.
Eventually, you blocked me again. I actually ended up getting close to moving on when that happened, so thank you for that, I guess.
You eventually regretted that, though.
I didn't make Viyella a messenger pigeon or whatever the fuck you want to call it. You did.
After we eventually decided to run again, you refused to leave us alone. You contacted us through two more people who were not previously involved.
Onto the supposed doxxing.
You went from yelling at me and accusing me of a crime to immediately begging me to stay. You also messaged me from an alternate account as a form of ban evasion just to do this. Seriously, what the actual fuck?
I do not have the mental energy to finish this post, and due to working from mobile, I can't add any more images at the moment. If anyone doesn't believe me based on this, tell me, and I'll add more information later.
#poisoned sugar11 post#i dont know what to tag this. sorry#cw meme lorbius#<- i fucking guess. i dont even know what the words for all of the things youve done to me are at this point. my head is too muddy
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
its been like. nearly a year (How.) already but i cannot lie theres Still a part in the back of my brain occupied with and being thoroughly entertained by the way that childes confirmed 4.0 complete self-awareness over waking up the narwhal at 14 recontextualizes some key liyue things leading to some very funny self indulgent scenarios in my head
like yes chili is old news its basic please excuse me for predictable popular ship crimes (do NOT however associate me w the crimes of fanon against their actual range. theyre peak to Me) but i just keep replaying the imagery of zhongli and childe back on their homoerotic Professional Working Relationship bullshit where their flirting passed the jkjk unless treshold of even remotely plausible deniability like 8 exorbitantly priced business dinners ago and theyre just like. doing that whole song and dance now neither committing to a move except zhonglis presently feeling moderately conflicted (but nonetheless fairly unfazed at) by the prospects of actually developing some sort of a thing for the harbinger hes supposed to puppet master into executing the major story climax of his 67-step retirement plan bc he turned out to be quite the strangely charming ginger specimen (to His weird fucking 6000 year old tastes at least. they deserve each other) with some fascinating life ambitions he cant help but be enraptured by.
but because hes still 100% Locked In on his entire plan zhonglis also just . simultaneously dual wielding his coy-ass "i like you and am taking it slow to Savor this developing relationship (Also bc of the Geo Archon Shaped Elephant In The Room) except am old as shit so my languid sense of time inadvertedly Automatically turns my behavior into an equivalent of the dark souls boss of playing hard2get" act (cue "waddup im ajax 24 and im in fucking agony with this hot funeral consultant". Yes they live like this) AND also meticulously theorycrafting like 12 moves in advance for his 6d chess play of leaving the most subtly crafted trail of breadcrumbs behind for the tsaritsas 11th to follow into the intended & completely "Coincidental" idea of unleashing the one particular sealed sea deity that zhongli Specifically wants momentarily released for his sweet 6k retirement party and graduation test for the nation hes helicopter parented for 3.7k years .
like. this is zhongli we r talking about the guy Absolutely has it planned out down to a fucking art like he has an entire branching path dialogue tree planned and memorized like its a visual novel for every possible way he can conveniently namedrop osial in a non-suspect way and also that he just happens to be sealed right over there across the harbor (what a coincidence!) and also to slip in the intel about the latent power of the sigil of permission etc etc. like zhonglis just out there doing all this massive galaxy brain computational work simultaneously while infodumping on an academic level about whichever subject childes latest random comment of amicable small talk happened to remind him of because in his helicopter parent in remission mind its Absolutely Critical that the idea about releasing osial occurs Completely organically in childes mind it Has to he Cannot risk revealing anything . (hes in remission not in recovery guys.) so like here we are. he requested notes from the tsaritsa Personally on the character of her 11th just to ensure every move was painstakingly crafted to draw him Specifically to the intended conclusion without risking revealing his true identity .
except. the thing . neither he. nor the tsaritsa . would have been informed of . is that this simply isnt childes first fucking rodeo waking up an eldritch city sized sea creature . and he is very well aware of this fact . he woke that beautiful wonderful beloved huge fucking narwhal up by himself had his brain chemistry Immediately and Irrevocably rewired as a direct consequence do you fucking think hes somehow stopped thinking about that singular moment for even a second since then???
yeah . thought so.
so what actually ends up happening in reality is theyll be on another definitely-serious-business-not-just-a-date and zhonglis going to get down to like dialogue selection part 10 of the 86 step conversation tree at Most where hes only beginning to like Vaguely allude to the key pieces of information involved but it turns out Because Hes That Guy (TM) And Has Been There Done That Before childes basic pattern recognition and sense of irony simply proceed to kick in Way ahead of time and hes Immediately perking up like Hey wouldnt it be really fucking funny if i wake up an eldritch sea beast Again . like just in case. as a last ditch effort .
and zhonglis just sitting there seeing the gears turn in his head as they enjoy their cringe fucking picnic (bc they just stare at each other intently like that nowadays its a thing. being in a room with them by this point is essentially a human rights violation) and is just completely fucking flabbergasted and lost on how in the hell childes speedran his way to that conclusion at what amounts to barely a 13% completion rate in his whole overkill fucking plan (just 1 of 3 contingencies btw) and its like yes he has his intended outcome but also precisely 0 idea on how the fuck said outcome was reached the way it was this fast . like hes still winning its His plan thats well underway and ahead of schedule but How
(pov: ur selling the concept of waking up destructive sea creatures to the guy who woke up a celestial body eating cosmic whale at 14)
anyway its truly beautiful i absolutely detest these two and have prime liyue AQ hijinks nostalgia now thank you for the lore drop that allowed this to become canon in my head hoyo
#im sorry for completely out of nowhere ship posting dude idk where this came from . i had to get it off my chest ig . runs away#chili my dearest i miss em . theyre the most normal business partners to lovers dynamic to me NO drama whatsoever they just#happen to be insane fucking people and thats why it ends up weird . but relationship wise. bland as SHIT they just get along well#drama?? betrayal?? angst?? NO. 1 spar and childe forgives instantly we all know this to be true#theyre so fucking basic as a couple bc both of them being as weird as they are just ends up canceling out#bc neither is unnerved by the insane shit the other comes with . and they just like. date normally . and make a semi-open committed ldr wor#they simply civilly agree not to bring up the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Religious differences .#6k yo highly suspect god known for signing NDA with celestia dating guy intent on torching the fucking place personally like .#'we make it work despite our differences 😌'#and the known self-admitted heretic if it gives him power looking to conquer the world just#'oh no need to Rush the agenda after all im still busy getting stronger 😊 in time watch tf out tho <333 youre so sexy aha'#dont listen to bland tropey fanon guysss listen to me they could be so fucking peak. they Are to me#altho childe pairings are so weird to me now being a true narwhal truther. theyre all basically a love triangle to me now LKWDJKWDKJWDKJ#like listen. they could be in love they could be the same entity they could be opposites. nemeses. platonic soulmates. romantic rivals. idc#BUT whatever the fuck they are i want them together please thank uuuuuuuu so like. added hysteria factor to any other ship w ajax .#hes still fucking cheating on his narwhalllll on all levels. romantic. platonic. cosmic. unphased by any attempts at defining their bond#with mere words. what are they??? no clue. still cheating. no i dont explain my poetry often. theyre simply everything to me xx#how do i even fucking tag this man its not rly childeposting worthy is it....#and im not abt to risk breaching containment in the chili tag.........................#guess its just#genshin#rambles#lmaooo wjkdwkjwjkdjkdw
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry im just thinking about bcs but like. why not add a few smaller scenes of gus interacting with his own men? why does it seem like, in comparison, mike is almost immediately elevated to a higher status than those two in bcs purely because we actually get to see him having normal conversations with gus? like i understand they might not keep the plot moving as well because of the fact obviously if victor is currently doing something it’s because gus told him to etc. but for the most part all of the smaller interactions gus does have with those two ends up being in a somewhat high stress situation where it feels very tense between everyone. and it’s just like damn! is it always like that?? why do those two even care that much about their jobs if their boss is a bit of a dick? etc. i think even an additional scene or two with those guys (either alone or the both of them) talking with gus in a more normal situation could’ve both added a bit more depth into how gus treats his employees (we got a lot with how he treats lyle and co., but not a whole lot with the illegal side of things), how comfortable vic and tyrus feel around him in a calmer setting, and exactly why they both feel the need to be as loyal as they are to the guy.
and also on the other side of this i don't think it'd hurt to maybe elaborate on their pay just a bit..? i'm not saying to randomly put a number out into the atmosphere but i just mean some smaller things like. do they buy nicer things for themselves? what's their housing situation? what's their car situation? are the escalade / yukon their own vehicles or does gus just use those two for business situations? do they use them when they're doing their own stuff off the clock or do they have their own cars? etc. that can also help with understanding their motivations a bit. don't get me wrong i don't think they should be visibly rich or something because that's not what gus would want but just smaller things! cause it's easy to write their loyalty off as Well they probably get paid super well, which i'm sure is true, but if they don't show a single hint of that then what's the point. even something as simple as giving tyrus a nice watch, or maybe victor having a nicer looking gun, etc. something small like that. because as it stands right now the average 41 year old viewer who watched the show once only knows and will only ever know victor and tyrus as those two guys in the background who do random stuff for gus with no clear motivation. just the personification of "On it boss (salute emoji)". and to be honest this is true for a whole lot of fans who do watch the show multiple times and enjoy thinking about it more in depth, because on screen we barely have anything about the two.
and to be clear i'm not trying to say we should have an episode just for them or something like no i understand they're side characters. i understand we don't need all that. and i understand this is also primarily Jimmy's show. but it's not like these two are on the same level as like, arlo or paige and kevin etc. these guys have been around since brba. victor was literally introduced in the same episode gus was. and they are a huge part of gus's story, especially in brba. s4 wouldn't have been what it was without victor and tyrus. and in bcs, ignacio's situation wouldn't have been the same if it weren't for victor and tyrus as well. and i just personally believe that if their goal with gus in bcs was to go back and elaborate on how everything came to be and show what he was like a few years younger, they could've dragged victor and tyrus into that. and i think his character would've benefited from taking that extra step with those two.
#gray.txt#and you know. obviously i personally have my own clear ideas of everything. and i'm content with what i got. this isn't coming from a place#of Well victor is my favorite guy so everything should be about him LOL. i know what he is.#but thats only because i spent like what? 2 years now watching random interviews and analyzing the smallest details within the show that#genuinely meant nothing while they were writing the scripts. and then throwing some random ideas at the wall to see if they stick.#and i just dont think everybody should have to do that LOL. and i think gus's character gets a lot more interesting#when do you do have this clear idea of victor and tyrus in your head and how he interacts with them. but 99% of people dont have that!#nobody fucking knows everything giancarlo and vince ever said about box cutter. nobody knows about the interview where giancarlo referred t#his entire business (meth and restaurant) as his 'family'. and they'd never think of that in those terms#because with the exception of his restaurant workers and mike#it feels like he HATES them LMAO.#tldr all i'm saying is i think we could've benefited from at least one 1 minute long scene of victor and gus exchanging words#where it doesn't end in gus snapping the phone in half out of anger. and also let tyrus speak his mind and have gus agree with him once#also yeah sorry this is all over the place but it is somehow the most coherent i have felt in months so this is as good as its getting sorr#sorry .#also to be clear about my earlier statement that’s a lie my idea of those two is not clear in my head whatsoever i just meant in comparison#to literally the average viewer. and my own personal thoughts about them aren’t even true it’s just opinions and guesses.#and i love a character that i can just say shit about but at the same time i think it’s fun to have idk something in the source material#that you can actually use while thinking and not have to dig around 11 year old reddit AMAs#and that money paragraph sort of came out of order what i meant by saying all that is like#i feel those two could benefit from a clear motivation for why they do all the things they do#and if we have neither personal reasons nor monetary reasons then it just makes them feel like one dimensional henchmen or something#came out of no where* not order you dumb fuck (< me)#also it doesn’t have to be clear in our faces or anything whatever you know what i’m saying . this is too long i can’t keep elaborating
7 notes
·
View notes
Note
im new here- is dean abusive?
imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.
he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues
#anon i wonder which way ur approaching this from - having not considered that dean treats sam badly or having never thought of it as Abusiv#mutuals pls feel free to chime in with ur opinions#wrote a bunch of more detailed responses to this but none of them felt right so i was just like. eh#narrative portrays dean as right like All Of The Time bc the shows morality is deans morality its fucked up so that makes it harder for#fandom to see how awful he is sometimes#but i think a lot of people see his awful behaviour but just wouldn’t call it abusive and rather toxic etc because abusive#is such a ‘strong word’ and people have a lot of personal connotations with it#i don’t often even actually use the word abusive to describe him. but he is! and i’ve been watching s4 and he’s just So awful and it’s been#reminding me hugely#dean crit#<- i guess#spn#oliver talks#asks#it’s more than just like. being awful sometimes. bc it’s this systemic pattern of eradicating sam’s sense of identity outside of him#and punishing sam for ‘disobeying’ him (like s4/8)#dean winchester#supernatural#Also when you start recognising dean as abusive the show becomes a legitimate horror story because fucking hell!!!!#narrative just. sides with him most of the time!!!!#if u wanna think abt it for urself id say make sure u know what abuse actually Is and how it can present & then look at a lot of sam and#dean conflicts. do they seem equal? r both parties being as awful to each other? whats the context?#look away from the view the show is trying to get you to take via like. ending shots and closeups. and look at what theyre actually saying#to each other and what has actually happened#<- i feel like this sounds patronising i dont mean to be😭#if u already think sam&dean r fucked up and had just never defined it as abusive before then feel free to ignore me#there r probably posts in my dean winchester tag much better than this#<- okay apparently i had a lot to say actually. sorry for doing it in the tags
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
fuck my stupudass baka life bro
#WhY DO I HAVE TO DISSECT COWORKERS' BRAINS TOO WHEN I ALREADY DO ENOUGH DISSECTION ON THE DAILY#LEAVE ME TF ALONE!!!!!!!!!#no dont actually. i need instruction in gross detail DONT JUST GIVE ME A SENTENCE GIVE ME A THESAURUS#surrounded by chemistry lovers as an anatomy king. fml#ANATOMY 🔛🔝🗣‼️‼️‼️#anyways. logically. it makes sense for me to follow manager's word and go to the new nightshift time#....even tho..#like.#it's not fucking there#on the . schedule#and manager isnt even on the schedule for my training at all LMFAO#so it's like. it makes sense. bcs i applied to be in an overtime position. so i SHOULD have night training#instead of what the official schedule has which is like 4 mornings 1 night training#BUT... EMOTIONALLY..#knowing the communication with the manager ive experienced rn... im guessing my coworkers had no fckin clue#of the sudden change either#but i dont have their numbers or know shit abt them#so like. do i wanna be a dick to the manager who emailed me new 'instructions' (a late btw lol). or to the coworkers#LOGICALLY. I GOTTA SIDE WITH THE MANAGER#BUT FUCK#IDK#IM SCARED
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
i know that when carlo suddenly decided that he needs to marry guy made a whole list in his head n like had a deadlines n shit. like it was some kind of a task he needed to do
#whole fkin campaign. idk still not sure how it was but man was in his peacock era for sure#n it's like i need to find a wife i need to make it in 2 (or whatever) months etc etc#but its like a bg task n he didn't speak bout it w others. like he just said that he needs to marry#also idk if i mentioned this but i wrote lauretta/carlo first meet long ago n she was w her fiance#i just listened to “pretty music” again sorry. i like that uh governor or tf this character is#changes his behaviour from one woman to another so real. n that fkin “but im a lucky guy who gets to dance w u”#and “since u know what i need i'll even take your lead” <- fr like im sure lauretta screwed him for several times#just to see if he's really serious good old manipulations w men nothing new nothing superstitious#upd. he probably made a mind budget for this (i mean finding a wife)#n bout lauretta screwing carlo its like in this ukranian song Ти ж мене пiдманула ти ж мене пiдвела#but since he's a strategist he's patient (like i wanted to accent this quality sm i wrote#that carlo started thinkin bout taking moretti's place back in 1932)#anyway. “Challenge accepted” situation and idk fr for some reason when it's carlo eddie lauretta it's always bout playing#so lauretta started playing n he entered this play too. i don't even think he was exactly mad (maybe only for the 1st time)#at this point i have a clear image of how they met n their first dates (cringe word) n how he proposed#ie how it started how it ended. ending was fast i believe (deadline is approaching 🤯)#what was in between i don't exactly know but i wondered just now if he also screwed lauretta (i think yes)#bc i don't knooowwww frrr all this is so bout playing to me#but bout ending its like. boss fight (<- sex) game credits (<- marriage) ((speedrun))#also i was thinkin if he even ever met lauretta's parents (i always thought that no but idk)#can imagine lauretta calling carlo a good friend. i also hm ok#i started to write a comic like a month ago just bout falcone polycule n it starts w#carlo who says that he finally needs to get married n lauretta's mother askin (in a pushing way) why#her n her fiance still aren't married like girl tf. she jinxed it i guess#upd. carlo/lauretta is funny in my head bc right before marriage he did fell in love lauretta didn't but guy's profitable we'll take him��#she did only after marriage i think bc it was the time when u can finally relief bc it's over#u don't need to think bout no yes no no yes yes will it work or won't etc#woman was able to fucking chill at last. she got the money sorry i mean the man#he's not runnin away let's finally look who the fuck is even this man. why he won't shut up bout astronomy can i get a divorce <- jk#but yeah “я тобi брехала” is so lauretta right after marriage to me (“i dont even know the color of ur hair”)
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive gotta stop starting so many posts with 'also' like they r not continuations of conversations or whathaveyou generally
#like they r to mem theyre thought continuations but you guys arent actually in my head so you dont follow the stream of consciousness#you know. sad day i think its why i blog so much is bc i dont like when i do or think things and theres no evidence of it occuring#bc then i dont know if i ever actually thought or did them or if it was imaginary#so i like to have evidence/witnesses. you see... something like that. Or i just like to overshare Hey btw i dont know what the fuck is with#it bc you type any word and the emoji shows up like even sometimes emojis that are nonsense for what youre typing totally unrelated fucking#emojis . i typed nonsense and anti smoking symbol came up. but i type Shrug and its like Oh no we dont know that one.. nothing there...#i have to Go to the emojis and search it manually. we have the technology i should be able to type shrug and it shows up...#maybe its bc its one of the ppl ones ig the ppl ones dont tend to show up 4 whatever reason.like if i type facepalm 🤦♂️ isnt there. ig it#has something to do with how theyre encoded since they have like. extra markers and stuff that can be added with the skintone and gender#variants.... Ok well ig they r a bit different from the 🤩😚😁🥳😭😍😐😑😥😅😔😋🙄 type emojis. those r all the face emojis that were in my#recently used btw. the span of connor emotion#anyways Ok sorry i guess i shouldnt have complained. itis still a bit annoying but its also Just a bit of extra tapping so whatcanyou do.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
#im such a private person irl and for what like what purpose does this serve#all it does is distance me from people and keep me from making deep deep connections i know that very well#its just the act of opening up and being vulnerable especially when people aren’t groveling for me to open up is so unimaginable and#horrible#why do i do this like why i rlly dont want to share anything abt myself i just wanna know everything abt everyone while not sharing#anything abt myself#and then at the same time i am feel deeply disconnected and not understood and not known by anyone in my life except my mom#which im grateful for at least i have her but why cant i be that same way with friends i have literally had for 20+ years#i know i have to open up unprompted like without someone begging me to do so or its just gonna get worse and worse#but at the same time if there is this friend and shes curious idk theres just a million different things running through my head and im#just not ever a 100% honest or genuine with them#i guess in a way i also want to be seen in a certain light and as a certain someone and i do try to preserve an image of sorts even though#thats ridiculous to do with your fucking friends idk i guess im pretentious as shit?#i dont even know anymore#more than anything its like often when i share sth that was hard for me to open up abt i feel like ppl dont treat that with care or at#least havent in the past#and i rlly rlly hated that a lot and just i dont know#i told my mom some of the things my friends have said to me which has upset me and she was it sounds like they dont know you at all#and then she said but can i tell you that this is your own fault#and im like. i know. whag are they supposed to do#idk why am i like this what purpose does this serve omg id love to spend a day as an oversharer irl just to get a glimpse of what its like#i know this sounds odd bcs me online is just pure word vomit but thats probably also overcompensation cause i dont share these things with#my friends aka the ppl who i should actually be talking to#anyways
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Yesterday at the high school I was in for this art teacher and they all had like projects they were gonna present to work on in Google classroom, so like many days as a substitute teacher it was quiet and I mostly just sat at the desk and read. But then this one kid in my peripheral vision was looking at me and when I glanced over her laughed a little. And I looked away cuz I was like whatever maybe he was whispering smth w his friends.
But then he says "I have a question"
"Yeah?"
"What two colors make purple?"
"Oh. Red and blue"
"Thank you... I appreciate the no judgment answer"
I didn't even think about it lol
#when youve been asked enough silly questions you just accept all of them#tales from diana#and this class in particular was not an intro class which. makes it a little extra funny#i told him ive heard sillier questions and he said 'like what?' and i was just like... oh idk but i used to work prek#i guess i am such a no judgment person that it didn't even register to me hed worry abt me laughing at him#u just forgot kid! its ok it happens to the best of us#there was also another interaction i had at the end of the day which was kinda weird#the last like 10 minutes. there was this kid in the front of the room like#apparently he was dancing and i guess i turned my head like toward the whiteboard for one sec#bc i was thinking abt erasing it. which was right next to him#and he was like 'she totally saw me bust that move' to his friends#i didn't know if they meant me or they were talking abt some other student. but fwiw i totally was not looking at him lol#but five minutes later i go up to erase the board#and the kid is still standing there and he's like 'what was your name again?' (it was literally on the board still. kids dont read)#'miss -----' 'oh. it was nice to meet you' and i was kinda like uh the fuck lol#i can't stress enough i dont 'meet' most of these high school students i just take attendance#i didn't say a word to any kids this class unless they asked to go to the bathroom#but i was like. uhm. 'nice meeting you too' like wtf?#'nice being here at my job where i oversee dozens of interchangeable students everyday'#ive always said i can usually tell when students have a crush on me. but that really applies to like. k-8#bc of how little i really get to work w high schoolers it's not like i can just read their minds#even if im a 'pretty substitute' to them i dont know that and they dont talk to me and i dont care#it's definitely weirder to have a teenager talk to u like ur a cute girl or smth. bc they don't do it in the earnest way of younger kids#not that that was like an offensive interaction it was just completely unexpected and awkward lol
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
me realizing that the slang term i’ve used to say ‘get scammed’ a) isn’t spelled that way & b) is actually a slur
#stream#waterboarding myself#girl i-#if i wasn’t getting extremely fucking high immediately after this realization i would’ve felt worse but now i feel nothing period#like i’m D:#but i’m literally 👁️_👁️#i’ve used it so often i thought it was spelt w a FUCKING J SINCE I WAS LIKE 5#why did i think abt this bc ok ive started analyzing the slang i use bc i’ll use an adjective & im like i would’ve never fucking said that#in america#like plump & for what was this other 1 hold on#SHODDY ?#i mean i think i would’ve used that in the us but idk why google had ‘is shoddy british slang’ like no ?#soddy probably#oh then i was like ok wait why do u spell it Like That#Wait … WAIT ? OH MY GOD ? <- THE HORROR OF ME REALIZING I WASNT SPELLING IT CORRECTLY#& THEN HOW ITS ACTUALLY SPELT -> D:#-> then the wanderer wikipedia page like i was on a rabbit hole bc wander is like a sovereign like it’s a nationality i guess girl i dont#remember specifics i’m baked as fuck we’re broad stroking it#but then it ties to the romani people & then i went … oh the slur … OH THE STEROTYPES …. OH MY GOD MY SLANG ???????#i’m still like •_•#girl …#u were such an asshole accidentally for 25 years#remembering the time specifically in junior year ap us history & we had to make this stupid ww2 music video girl i don’t even know why idk#if it was even supposed to be abt ww2 but we were ww2 & we were told by our teacher we couldn’t shorten japanese that way bc that is a slur#& we were all like •_• •_• •_• •_• oh#bc it was the 4 of us in the group#& then i remember when kp found out this slur for chinese people is a slur bc apparently there’s a specific adjective they use to describe#people u Cannot Say Here Idk Abt India But Definitely Not Here & also he then found out what ‘slur’ means bc he didn’t know that word either#ALSKKSKLKSLKALLSLLAKSLALDKAKSSK oh my god that trip was a mess#i fucking hate scotland
1 note
·
View note
Note
I DONT HAVE THE IMAGES IRGHT NOW BUT YOU UNDETRNSAD?? YOU GET ?? YOLU GET? IM MADLY I NLOV WITH YOU TIWLIGHTRCADE MY GOOD FRIEND MY COMRADEMY RIDE ROD IE
#freak to freak communication you know ?#thank u . u r the best ever <3#i really enjoy ur rants and talkings always always.. i hope we r buried skeleton together all for meotauls#anyway matty and ahshe silluy in the way that thjey absooltuely fucking hate eahcother nad ahse has dienfitley b#locked many things out as his life froze after his family died therefore he hasnt had time to process the anger towards matty#maybe he has had anger nad bitterness towards other things but i dont feel like matty is high on his priority right now esp#since he doesnt know wher eh eis but hes still a deep rooted issue - and its not thast he hasnt accepted his familys#death exactly (thouhg i guess that is it but in other wording) its that he hasnt accepted it ending like this#he has to think about his family dead to think about summoning them back yet still i do think he does have#many delusions where they are alive and the thought of going back to them is the only thing keeping him going really#sometimes i think about how even wehn hes crossed the line and killed so#mebody hes still going on it feels like a dead corpse being raked across the floor to lose another piece of who he is once again#kid's heart#BUT THAT ISNT WHAT I WNATED TO TALK ABOUT AURGHH!!#i think that in the past maybe possuibnly you have to be another level of ill to get this far#but ashe geeneeuinly thought of matty as a good friend who was close to him etc etc but on mattys side its harder#because theres no clear intetion ill make up my own i say he did value ashe in a way but#in the end what did indeed win out was his hatred and infeoririuty towards ashe - i dont think he even wouldve goen that far#if he didnt know ashe o rmaybe he wouldve done it sooner - he would spend time with ashe normally with the thought#of how hes using him bnack in his head then go home nad the feelings would pile up pile up pile up esp since his parents#would lay the pressure on thick meanwhile whenever he went to ashes house it wa s ashining exmaple#of what he didnt hvae#and because matty is selfish. it drives him insane#i find it kinda funny how ashe got his trust broken by him leaving such a scar yet now hes#lying to people as matty was as well#i can say more but im scared.
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's funny how my psychiatrist and psych nurses are all so supportive about my as of yet undiagnosed physical issues and do their best to keep those in mind when we discuss my care. Meanwhile GP and qualified doctors either tell me to "not compare my googling to their medical degree" or go all "yeah EDS sounds quite likely actually but there's no point diagnosing that since it cannot be cured anyway"
#the fact that eds + pots + fibromyalgia ALL run in the family doesnt matter apparently#throwback to last year when visiting that side and someone not even related who was there took ONE look at me and sibling and went#''omg you really ARE related!!!'' after they saw our fucked up overy bendy joints#i guess i have to pay for having unusually good psychiatric care compared to most lmaoooo#would have been lovely to know whats wrong though before the painful surgeries#im incoherent cause my pulse started racing to the point i couldnt form words or even stand#its calmed down now but i feel so distraught over recovering from psychosis finally#only for my body to break down even more#i dont know how to not feel despair and hopelessness#im so tired of the pain and exhaustion and not being able to do even basic things#so tired of staring at my ceiling so often because i cant even lift my head#i should make a specific whining tag because i should shut up about this but i cant#idk what itd be thougy im too sad and upset rn#im sorry#silvi talks#<- can at least block that if tired of my yapping#im open for tag name suggestions#maybe ''silvi is crying screaming throwing up'' lol#idk
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
well i think its finally time to open this box
#sorry gang apparently i am incapable of sticking to my word and am continuing to have a personality on main and subject you all#to all of my bullshit#i am doing my best but i am a weak bitch who does not know how to process feelings#so its a fucking miracle im opening this box tbh. ive wavered a lot around this one#this round of thinking is being brought on by the probable imminent break up between me + my gf 🙃👍#its been on the cards for a hot minute i mean. she hasnt sent me a message since the 8th of march until today and its like a.#we need to talk message so. like im not surprised. ans ive been thinking about it all a lot recently#i dont really want to realise im aro while im with someone so ive been avoiding it but like. ive been thinking. and ive been thinking if we#shouod break up too anyway because like. i get i am so hard to be around. but nothing. for a month. even a silly picture. it hurts dude#but i kinda didn't want to push because. i know i am. me. and a lot. and i know shes got stuff on her plate. but so do i#maybe we're both no good#to be around#nyxtalks#this is very not helpful in my whole. everyone i love leaves me eventually so i should isolate myself and push them all away thing i guess#but i dont think. i want to cling. i dont wanna be that pathetic.#she can do better than me (i cant do better than her)#i mean. idk ive been questioning if im aro anyway so. idk#i dont fucking know#honestly this is gonna be so cringe if this isnt what she wanted to talk about but like. what else could it possibly be i guess#dude i am so sorry if you read this this turned into relationship vent rather than my feelings around aromanticism#those are.complicated enough for their own post and i probably need to talk to some actual aromantic people about that
24 notes
·
View notes