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narryffdreaming · 9 months ago

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A TOAST TO THE FUTURE — THREE

Summary: Aurora and Harry used to be friends, but life happened and they grew apart. Now, 6 years later, they meet again.

Rating: +18

WARNINGS: The story contains explicit language and mentions a past abusive relationship (mostly the consequences of psychological/emotional abuse). Some chapters also contain explicit sexual content.

PART THREE: 6,9k words Author’s note: ngl I thought this was "too short", and then I saw it's around 7k and realized that maybe this isn't short, but the other parts are just "too long", lol. Clearly I can't control myself. But anyway, this is part three and Aurora and Harry (finally) arrive in Italy. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :)

PART ONE || PART TWO

As it turns out, both Aurora and Harry completely forgot about the one hour time change, so whilst they thought they'd arrive around eleven, by the time they landed in Naples it was actually a few minutes after 12.

They realized, then, that since they would go together to Amalfi, sharing a taxi would be cheaper than taking the train — like they had both initially planned to do. Which is how Aurora ends up leaning against a white wall at arrivals, watching their bags while Harry wanders around and does some research for them.

Outside, the day is bright and sunny, something she's been admiring non-stop through the huge glass wall in front of her. Rays of light keep the exposed skin in her arms and chest warm, so there's no need for her to wear Harry's jacket anymore — although a part of her wishes she still had a reason to, just to keep smelling his cologne.

"Hey!" Harry calls, and Aurora turns her head to the side.

He approaches her confidently, pulling his hair back and smiling while strutting through the airport as if he owns the place. It's kind of impossible not to follow every one of his movements, and she's pretty sure anyone who lays their eyes on him would think exactly the same.

"It's done," he says, then raises both hands and gives her a double thumbs up. "Got us a taxi."

Summer looks good on him. It makes his skin glow, it highlights his tattoos, and it makes his happiness seem… Well… Even happier.

"Oh," she says, blinking and stepping away from the wall. "Great."

She clears her throat and glances to her phone, double-checking for the fiftieth time that her texts to Zack remain unanswered.

It's been over four hours since she texted him, and although she isn't surprised by his lack of interaction, she can't deny that it sucks to know he intentionally avoids replying to her texts — and that she probably won't hear from him until Sunday night, when he drops Noah off.

"No words from him yet?" Harry asks, now standing only a couple of steps across from her.

Aurora shakes her head and locks the screen, then looks up and faces him again.

"No… But hey," she says, offering him a sarcastic smile and fake enthusiasm as she adds, "if I'm lucky enough, maybe he'll pick up the phone tonight. Isn't that great?"

Harry pauses for a moment.

And then he snorts.

He flicks his gaze down and breathes in, filling his chest with air while taking one hand up to his face and rubbing his brow.

"Jesus Christ," he murmurs and chuckles shakily, almost as if he can't believe what he just heard.

Aurora feels herself softening in front of him, and her fingers itch to touch him somehow.

"I mean, it's okay," she says, tightening her phone inside her fingers and closing her other hand into a fist. "I knew this would happen when I decided to spend the weekend away."

Harry drops his hand to his side and shakes his head, then looks at her again.

Bright, sunny, warm summer seemed to turn into dark, cold, empty winter around him. He's clearly tense, and the look in his eyes is heavier now.

"For his sake," he says, voice sounding just as deep as she feels him in her bones. "I really hope he doesn't cross my way anytime soon."

It's unbelievable how quickly Aurora's mouth fills with water. As if she's salivating because of him.

The way he soaks up her worries and eases her sadness is certainly endearing, but the way Harry physically reacts to this specific situation gets her nerves stirring. He seems to be ready to stand up for her. Ready to fight the battle for her. Ready to be her armor and shield her from all and any attacks that Zack throws at her.

And as much as Aurora doesn't want things to get to that point, and as much as she isn't looking for that kind of attention from a man, the honest truth is that her insides respond too quickly to his behavior. Like she's craving for that aggressiveness. Or maybe like she's craving for someone to finally treat her the way she wishes to be treated. Someone who will throw a punch for her, and not at her.

Even just metaphorically speaking.

Aurora blinks, breaking away from the intensity of his stare as she hunches down and grabs her bag from the floor. She takes the opportunity to swallow all those new feelings down, hiding and locking them away, then stands upright again.

"I appreciate that," she says, curling her lips into a smile. "But we're in Italy right now, so I think I'm ready to leave Zack behind. At least for two days."

Harry focuses on her for a moment, flickering his eyes all over her face. Studying her. Almost like he's making sure she is telling him the truth.

She tilts her chin down and lifts her left eyebrow, and Harry meets her stare once again.

"You're right," he says, and closes his eyes. "Gimme a minute."

Taking all the time of the world, Harry breathes in deeply through his nose. When his chest is full, he freezes for a moment, and then lets all the air slip out through his mouth. Loudly and heavily.

It's a little bit dramatic. A little bit over the top. A little bit exaggerated. But Aurora can tell that he's intentionally forcing his movements. That he's getting on board with her and leaving things behind. And that he's making a big deal out of it because it's supposed to be a symbolic moment between them. Like drawing an imaginary line and setting a before and after for that trip.

Especially when he rolls his shoulders, tilts his head side to side vehemently, and then drops all the weight off his body.

"Ok," he says, opening his eyes while clasping his hands together and smiling at her. "I'm good!"

He leans down to grab his bag, too, and a foolish grin grows on Aurora's face.

"As I was saying," he adds, placing the strap on his shoulder as he looks at her again, "I got us a taxi. It's supposed to be just an hour and a half drive, but they said it can take us at least two hours to get there."

Meaning they will get there around what… 2:30? 3?

Aurora pouts.

"That sucks. Lucy had this whole thing planned in the morning."

"I know. But we'll make the best of it, anyway."

"Yeah…"

She puts her phone inside the front pocket of her bag, then looks around the airport.

They're still inside the crowded terminal, and it's safe to say that she has no idea where she's supposed to go next. She's been following Harry's steps since they landed — or maybe even since they took off — and she isn't actually interested in taking the lead right now.

"So… Where should we go, then? Can we get this taxi now or…"

"Mhm… Yes… We sure can…" Harry nods. "But first… There's something I have to tell you."

Aurora's face falls, and she drops her shoulders.

"Oh God… What?"

"It's nothing bad… At least I don't think so, but…"

Harry scratches his jaw and shrugs, then smiles sheepishly at her.

(Which, to be honest, does nothing to reassure her.)

She rearranges the bag on her shoulder with one hand, and encourages him to speak with the other, rolling her fingers in the air.

"But…?"

"Well… I might've lied a bit to the guy from the taxi company."

"Okay…" She narrows her eyes. "Why? What did you say to him?"

"That we just… Y'know… Got married?"

Aurora drops her jaw.

"Married?!"

Harry chuckles.

"Mhmm..."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah…"

His face is bright with amusement, and even though Aurora can't understand what's so funny behind that joke, she can't help but mimic his emotion.

"Harry!" She laughs. "Why would you even say that?!"

"Because he gave me this whole speech, ok? About how he couldn't get us a car 'till five, and how we should've booked one at least one day before and… Well. Y'know…"

He rolls his eyes, clearly annoyed at the lecture he got because of their poor planning skills, but the joy is still there. All over him. Radiating from his entire presence. Blooming into her.

"I see." Aurora nods, pursing her lips as she mulls over his words. "And us being married changes that because…"

He pulls his eyebrows together, as if the answer is the most obvious thing and he can't believe she's even asking that. "Because we eloped, duh. So of course we didn't have any time to plan or book anything."

"Oh my God."

Aurora laughs.

"So I guess this is our honeymoon now."

"You're insane."

"Hey, it worked, ok?" He raises the palms of his hands to her, then smirks, all proud of himself. "We didn't have a taxi, now we have one. So… You're welcome."

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms on her chest, but the smile never falters from her face.

"Fine. Whatever. Anything else I should be aware of about this lie?"

Harry takes a moment to think about it, hiding his hands inside his pockets and then shrugging.

"Nah… Don't think so."

"Good."

"Only that you're madly in love with me and couldn't wait to be my wife."

"Right."

"But that's pretty obvious."

"No, yeah. Of course."

"You also can't wait to get our honeymoon started, by the way."

"Oh, really?"

"Yep. So you're kind of desperate to get to our hotel."

Aurora snorts. "Okay then."

"Apparently," he says, stepping closer and nudging her side with his elbow, "you just can't get your hands off me."

She cackles, then, and shoves him off with one hand. "You wish!"

The small joke rolls easily and happily from her mouth. Mostly because she's determined to not ruin things all over again, but also because he brings that side out of her.

And Harry laughs, too.

"Hey," he says, shrugging and tilting his chin up, "a man can only hope."

"You're ridiculous."

"I mean, it gets you laughing so… Yeah. I'll take it."

She shakes her head, finding herself out of words. Even if she knows they're both just teasing around and that she doesn't need to worry about him misinterpreting her, there's only so much she can joke at once.

Unlike Harry, of course, who apparently can roll lie after lie out of his mouth.

"Ok, c'mon," he says, tilting his head and leading their way from arrivals to outside the airport. "They said there'll be a car waiting for us."

Aurora follows him in silence, and then she clears her throat.

"So, you really told them we got married?"

He smiles, and nods. "Yes."

"And they really think we're going to a hotel?"

"Mhmm." He looks at her over his shoulder and shrugs. "I didn't want to get into the whole yacht thing… Seemed too much trouble to explain."

"Right." She smirks, and raises her eyebrows. "But creating a lie about our marriage was easy-peasy, right?"

Harry purses his lips, clearly trying to hold himself back.

"I mean… Yeah. Had the whole story on the tip of my tongue."

They both look at each other for a moment, and then they both laugh.

See? That's the good thing about Harry: he makes Aurora laugh.

And he makes her laugh a lot.

Which isn't exactly news, because he always made her laugh, but still feels nice to remember.

Back in the day, the way Harry and Niall lived their lives used to be one of the reasons why she liked to hang out with them so much — they didn't have too many worries in the world, and they only cared about having fun. So whilst most people around her were planning for their futures and preoccupied about having everything figured out, they made her laugh about the most silly and random things, offering her a break from the pressures and expectations of adult life.

Of course, their lifestyle wasn't one that she could keep up with all the time, and at certain moments their behavior used to resemble childishness, but they definitely were good and fun people to keep around.

So much so that here's where they are right now.

"C'mere, wifey," Harry says, stepping out to the sunny day and pulling her to his side by her shoulders. "Time to give our driver a show."

She grimaces, then places her arm around his waist.

"Okay," she says, narrowing her eyes and adjusting her sight to the warm and natural brightness, "rule number one, you're not calling me wifey."

Harry squeezes her shoulder and laughs, throwing his head back and slowing their pace down.

"Right. Ok." He nods. "What should I call you, then?"

"What about… Nothing?"

"Oh c'mon! You're my wife now. We need to play the part." He guides her smoothly down the sidewalk, dodging strangers and skipping through a long line of white cars. "Does honey sound better? Or what about apple of my eye, huh? Cupcake? Pumpkin?"

She chuckles. "Harry—"

"Buttercup?"

"Stop."

"Kitten?"

"Ew, no—"

"Other half? Or what about…" He leans closer to her ear, then covers his voice with sweetness and cheesiness as he annoyingly murmurs, "My lovey-dovey?"

At that, Aurora cackles.

"Oh God," she laughs, squirming and shoving him off. "Stop. No nicknames for you."

"Ahhh, why?" He pulls her closer again, exuding pure joy and happiness as he speaks. "Nicknames are fun. I can be your honey bunny if you want me to."

"Absolutely not."

"Honey boo?"

"Nope."

"Lover boy, then."

"C'mon… You can't seriously—"

"Man of your dreams?"

Aurora snorts, but before she can say anything, Harry speaks again.

"Prince charming? Jellybean?"

"Harry, c'mon—"

"Hot stuff?"

"Stop!"

"Babylicious?"

And then she laughs again. Probably way louder than she should. Leaning into him and covering her face as she struggles to keep up with his feet.

"Oh my God! You're just so annoying. I can't even—"

"Mr. and Mrs. Styles?" a thick italian accent calls, and they both stop walking.

Aurora is still laughing, trying to catch her breath while she turns her head to the side. A gray-haired man dressed in a black suit steps away from a black car and walks forward, holding a polite smile and gentle expression as he approaches them with nothing but determination.

Harry squeezes her shoulder and leans in, getting closer to her ear.

"If you ask me," he murmurs, and the tone of his voice is suddenly so low that it becomes almost painful, "that should be the one. Mrs. Styles."

A shiver runs down her body, and she swallows.

"Scusi," the man says, thankfully sparing her from having to find any responses or reactions. "Signor e signora Styles?"

"Giusto!" Harry says, squeezing her shoulder and chuckling as he straightens his posture and pulls her closer to his side. "Signor e signora Styles. Sì."

"Piacere! Come stai?" The man stretches his arm, and Harry takes a step forward, shaking hands with him. "Sono Francesco, il tuo tassista."

"Francesco!" Harry smiles. "Buongiorno! Mi chiamo Harry e questa—" He squeezes her again, making a deal out of it as he kisses the top of her head. "È mia moglie, Aurora."

Aurora bites her lip, watching in silence as the man turns to her and stretches his arm once again.

"Aurora. Piacere. Un nome bellissimo."

"Uh…"

Truth be told, she has absolutely no idea what's going on, or what they are talking about. So she chuckles nervously, but makes sure to shake his hand anyway.

"I don't…" She says, tilting her chin up and glancing at Harry. "Sorry. I don't speak Italian."

Harry's expression softens, and the playfulness in his face turns into pure tenderness.

"Oh. No problem," the man says, the Italian accent still thick as he communicates in a different language. Aurora faces him again, and he adds, "Aurora, sì? Beautiful name."

"Oh." She smiles, cheeks getting slightly warm. "Uhm… Gra… Grazie?"

She turns to Harry, again.

"That's thank you, right?"

Still staring at her, Harry smiles, then nods.

Aurora looks back at the man.

"Grazie," she repeats.

"Non c'è di che! Andiamo, sì?"

Aurora tilts her chin up, looking at Harry and waiting for him to take over the conversation.

He shakes his head, then, and turns his attention back to the man. "Sì. Andiamo. Sì."

The man chuckles. "Sposi novelli, eh?"

"Mhm."

"Congratulazioni! Lo immaginavo. So riconoscere lo sguardo di un uomo innamorato."

Harry chuckles and looks down, then scratches his jaw with his free hand and clears his throat. "Così ovvio, eh?"

Aurora doesn't know if it's possible, but she feels her own eyes twinkling as she tilts her chin up and lands her gaze on Harry one more time.

He beams under the gorgeous sunshine, eyes greener than she's ever seen and cheeks flushed as he engages into a conversation with that man. Not only rolling Italian words out of his mouth, but also effortlessly putting them into sentences.

And she's so hypnotized by the whole thing, that she can't even be bothered by the fact that she's not being included or doesn't understand a single thing. She'll gladly let him take the reins for the entire drive as long as she gets to entertain herself with that view.

"Auri?"

Harry squeezes her shoulder, and Aurora blinks. She darts her eyes away from his face, swallowing while he steps towards the car and slides his arm off her shoulders.

"Shall we?" he asks, reaching for the strap on her shoulder.

Aurora is too starstruck to fight him, so she nods and lets him grab her duffel bag, then follows him with her eyes as he and the gray-haired-suited-man place it in the trunk, along with his.

And from then on, Harry plays his part like a true gentleman.

Their driver starts by opening the backseat door for them, but then Harry offers his hand for her to hold and get in first, kissing her temple when she walks past him. She chuckles, but only because of the effort he's putting on just to cover his own lie.

Once they're both inside, he doesn't complain about taking the middle seat when she chooses the window, and even makes sure she's comfortable and has her belt on.

"Possiamo andare?" the gray-haired-suited-man asks.

Harry peeks at her. "Good to go?"

"Mhmmm..."

He nods, then puts his belt on while answering their driver. "Sì, grazie."

The engine starts working, and they're officially on the move to the Amalfi Coast.

"Can I?" Harry whispers to her, hovering her hand with one of his.

"Oh…" Aurora looks at his inked forearm, reaching for her while he keeps his elbow tucked to his side. To be fair, after sobbing into his chest and sleeping on him like a koala, she truly doesn't think holding hands would be awkward at all right now. So she nods and turns her palm around, offering it to him. "Yeah, sure."

And when he places his palm on top of hers and intertwines their fingers, she can actually see herself benefiting from his lie — because Harry's warmth keeps her warmth, as well. Just like she needs to be. Just like she wants to be.

"Credo che Amalfi ti piacerà moltissimo," the man says. "È perfetto per gli innamorati!"

Harry chuckles and scooches down, comfortably spreading his long legs open and pulling their hands to rest on his thigh. "Grazie. È la nostra prima volta in Italia."

"Per quanto starai qui?"

"Solo due giorni. Domenica torniamo a casa."

Aurora is lost in the conversation, but she's also… Physically uncomfortable. Her arm is tense as she stretches it to lay on his leg, and she doesn't want to spend two hours like that. So she shuffles closer, tucking her elbow under his own and fully linking their arms.

"Bene, dovrai tornare un'altra volta per visitare più città," the man says.

Harry sits upright again, then slips his fingers off from her hand.

"Di sicuro," he says, lifting his arm and placing it across her shoulders. "Forse la prossima estate."

He takes his other hand to her palm, then, and intertwines their fingers once again.

It's like they need a moment to get comfortable and find a position that suits both of them, but eventually they get there. With Aurora melting onto his side and him brushing patterns on the skin of her arm.

The man nods and smiles, but says nothing, and silence finally settles in the car.

Until Aurora takes that as an opportunity to speak again.

"So…" she starts, watching their touching hands. "Did I miss something important from your private conversation?"

He freezes next to her. Stiffening his muscles and stopping the movements of his hand on her arm.

"Shit. I didn't even… Sorry." He spreads his hand open on her shoulder, and squeezes her gently. "We were just chit chatting about the city, that's all. But I'll keep in mind to translate now, yeah? Sorry."

"It's fine." She smiles, appreciating the sentiment.

To be honest, she doesn't really care. She wishes she had prepared herself a little bit better for a new country and a new language, that's for sure, but at least she's with Harry now. It will be a lesson learned for the next time — if there ever is one.

"When did you learn how to speak Italian, anyway?"

A smile grows on his face, and he tilts his head to lean it on top of hers.

"I don't know." He shrugs slightly, resuming the brushing of his fingers on her arm. "My mum… I learned from her, that's all."

Aurora frowns. "Is she Italian?"

"Uh… No, she… I mean, my grandfather was."

"Ohhh… Didn't know that. So you've always spoken Italian?"

"I guess? I don't know. I just can find my way around it… That's all."

Aurora hums, and turns to look through the window, admiring the view of a country she's never been to before.

And then she shrugs, making sure she sounds teasingly when she says, "Well… Now that you've brought up your mum, then I guess it'll be inappropriate to mention how incredibly hot and sexy you sound when you speak Italian, right?"

Harry chokes.

He literally chokes. Straightening up and coughing while letting her hand go to smack his palm on his chest.

Aurora sits upright as well, holding back a smile as she tries to catch a glimpse of his face and murmurs questions like "what's wrong?" and "are you okay?".

The driver says something, too, and Harry shakes his head, raising his free hand waving a finger at him.

"I'm…" He coughs again, and brings his hand to his throat. "Sto bene—" (cough) "Grazie."

"Ugh, see?" Aurora murmurs, leaning against the backseat and grabbing his hand on her shoulder, making sure he doesn't pull his arm away. "Told you. Incredibly sexy."

Cough. Cough. Cough.

Cough.

"Shit."

Cough.

Aurora giggles.

Yep. That's actually pretty fun.

They park at what first seems a dead-end street, but in reality it continues turning right and going up the hill.

Aurora gets out of the car slowly, feeling the hardness of the concrete under her feet as she straightens her back and tips her neck back. The sun is shining, and she rests the side of her hand on top of her eyes, blocking out the brightness and taking in the view — the hills, the rocks, the shades of green, the colorful houses and buildings.

She places her free hand against her breastbone, and slowly releases the air inside of her lungs. She doesn't want that surreal feeling to end, so she stands frozen in the spot for another moment, or two.

She's heard about people going through moments when all their concerns and worries fall away, but it has never been a first hand experience of hers. Not until that day, at least.

The closest she can imagine to that feeling was the moment she finally physically met Noah, the exact second his tiny crying body was placed between her arms. That didn't last too long, though, with her body hurting and the exhaustion taking over every inch of her — both emotionally and physically.

Earlier that day, when she woke up snuggled into Harry's arms, she also experienced something very similar to that — the same sense of calm and peace. Then again, it also didn't last too long, since she knew she was overstepping and had to pull herself from his embrace.

(Besides, to be fair, she isn't sure if it's the same thing, or if she's just really confused right now.)

Still, there she is right now, standing in an unknown city, where she doesn't know anyone and can't even speak the language, feeling as if all of her concerns and worries have fallen away. It's pretty similar to those other two occasions, only this time the feeling doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

It feels as if it's settled to stay.

The trunk of the car slams shut, and Aurora turns on her feet.

On the other side of the taxi, Harry chats excitedly with their driver. And behind them, opposite from the city, is the ocean.

It's a little after three in the afternoon, and they are finally at Marina Coppola, the port of Amalfi.

The gray-haired-suited-man looks at her and nods, saying things she can't even try to understand. The only words she somehow recognizes are "amore", and "buona giornata", but still, she isn't sure she really knows what they're supposed to mean.

So Aurora simply smiles, watching as Harry does — once again — all the talking for both of them.

"Grazie!" he says, clasping one hand on the man's shoulder and firmly shaking his hand. "Anche a te!"

The driver raises one hand at her, and she lifts one hand, too, waving and blinking slowly as he gets inside the car.

Harry moves to the sidewalk with both duffel bags, and Aurora waits for the man to drive away before getting closer to him.

And then she reaches for her bag, but Harry dodges her and taps her hand away.

"Nuh-uh, Mrs. Styles."

Aurora's cheeks warm up, and she rolls her eyes.

During their ride, their driver referred to her as Mrs. Styles more than a few times. He'd ask questions about the view, or chit chat about the weather and ask her opinion about it. And Harry, of course, would be the one to always translate the questions, making sure to not only include Mrs. Styles, but also emphasize it.

"Well… Marriage is over, so…"

She shrugs and smiles, but maybe her joke hits a little too close to her heart, because she doesn't feel like fighting him anymore. Instead, she allows her curious eyes to shift around and capture as many details as she can.

It is nice to see the ocean again. Long, wide, far-reaching. She's also seen a restaurant at the marina's entrance, and although the street is filled with cars, there aren't many people walking.

She remembers Lucy explaining in their group chat how they chose a weekend in May exactly because of that — because it wouldn't be so filled with tourists, but the weather would still be perfect for a swim. Aurora can't deny she'd been scared of rain ruining their plans, but the sun is, in fact, shining with no signs of any clouds around — which is probably also helpful to set that magic scenario around them.

And as Aurora admires the postcard worthy sight, it dawns on her that Amalfi looks exactly as she has seen in pictures. Maybe the colors aren't as bright and intense as Instagram usually made it seem, but it is still colorful. Still captivating, still mesmerizing.

Being there, she can actually smell the fresh water, the fish, and the sunscreen. She can also feel the prickle of sunburn on her arms, and the wind pulling at her dress and her hair. She can even actually hear the small waves, the boats motoring past on their way to water, and the laughter and excitement of people at the docks.

The atmosphere is real, and yet still impossible to describe. It fills her with life, with hopes, and with dreams.

It is… Surreal.

Magical.

"This is unbelievable," she finally murmurs. Her voice is soft and delicate, though — as if she doesn't want to break the spell surrounding them.

"I know," Harry says, mimicking her tone. "'S really beautiful, innit?"

She turns her head to look at him, and finds him watching the hills across from them, the same ones she was watching just minutes before. She can see him furrowing his brows under his sunglasses, his head moving from one side to the other.

"Yeah," Aurora breathes out.

Harry is beautiful. The daylight makes his skin look tanner, and the wind messes with his hair, too — although he doesn't seem to mind. And the facial hair glows on his face, somehow screaming at her how grownup he is. Somehow turning into a reminder of how good he took care of her, of how good he made her feel.

Shit.

She swallows, and faces the port again.

Can she still blame these thoughts on her lack of sleep?

Maybe she's being delusional. Maybe she is still so confused that she doesn't know what is reality or dreaming anymore. Or maybe she's spent so much time without interacting with any men that she doesn't know what's friendly or not anymore. Maybe she's mixing things up. Maybe Harry has just been protective of her. Like Theo and Niall are.

Shit.

The wind pulls her hair to her face, and she takes her arms to put her locks into an improvised knot.

Hundreds of various-sized boats are lined up along the docks, and they are all so different from each other that she realizes she's never stopped to think about their different names.

Are they boats? Are they all yachts? Is there even a difference? And what would that difference be?

"So…" she says, pausing to clear out her throat and rub the tip of her nose. "A ferry is one of those that you can get into with your car, right?"

Harry glances over his shoulder, watching her silently for a moment.

She can feel his eyes on her face, but she resists the temptation of looking at him.

And then he nods and turns around, standing next to her and facing the ocean as well. "Yeah… Have you ever been in one?"

Aurora shakes her head.

"No… I remember from the movie 'How to lose a guy in ten days'. Have you seen it?"

He turns his head and stares at her in silence once again, until a loud laugh erupts from him.

She turns her head, too, and tilts her chin up, looking at him.

"What?" she asks, lifting her left eyebrow.

"Sorry… It's just…"

He shakes his head and scratches his jaw, waiting until calming down before explaining himself.

"Oh God… You made me watch that movie soooo many times," he says, voice filled with amusement while he tilts his neck back and looks at the sky.

Aurora keeps her eyes on his shoulder, focusing on the flamingos in his shirt.

"I did?" She frowns. "I don't—When?"

"Movie nights at your place, remember?" He pulls his hair back, smiling at her, and then at the horizon. "We used to do them once a week for a month or two. Usually everyone fell asleep and we were the only ones awake. Somehow, you'd end up always making tea and putting that DVD on."

He shrugs, as if recalling that memory it's just the most common thing in the world.

To Aurora, though, it isn't.

"Wow…" She blinks, staring at the port again. "I can't… I honestly can't believe how many things you remember and I don't."

"Oh, it's okay, we were—"

"No, it's not. It makes me feel like shit."

"Auri—"

"You know I really like you, right?" she asks, focusing on the way the waves crash against one specific boat. "It's not you… I mean, I don't remember so many things, it's like I blocked stuff from my memory, but it's not because they didn't mean anything to me… I promise. I've always enjoyed our friendship, I just—"

Harry places his hand on her shoulder, and Aurora twists her neck to look at him.

"C'mon…" His sunglasses are on the top of his head now, pulling his hair back, and he stares firmly into her eyes. "I don't expect you to remember the same things I do, ok? We're fine. Everything's good. You don't need to be so tense about everything you do or say. Not around me, at least. Ok?"

"Okay…" She nods once, then twice. And then she shakes her head. "Yeah, okay. Yeah."

"Okay," he repeats, a smile forming on his lips and his hand slipping away from her shoulder.

Aurora can still feel his fingertips burning on her skin, though, and it dawns on her that, after spending the entire drive holding his hand and relaxing under his arm, now it's weird to not be able to just… Touch him again.

"And just so you know," he adds. "I've been on a ferry. A couple of times, actually."

Aurora gasps, then grins at him, gladly accepting the change of subject.

She asks when, and where, and why, and Harry chuckles. He answers while putting his sunglasses back on, then keeps the conversation going as he leads the way to the docks and to their friends.

And they walk together, of course. All the time.

There's a white arch they have to get through, and Harry raises his arm, gesturing for her to go first. She smiles shyly, looking at him over her shoulder as she steps onto the aluminum gangway.

She walks across what looks like a green carpet before getting to the actual dock — a narrow wooden path stretched out into the water and leading to all different yachts — and then they are walking side by side again.

Always side by side.

Even when they have to dodge people on the way, some simply standing and chatting, some prepping their boats for sailing, some just returning to land.

Then it gets to a point where all Aurora can see are bare masts reaching into the sky, birds flying, and ropes around their feet.

They turn left on the dock, and sweat trickles over the back of her neck, just like her inner thighs sting from brushing against each other. She sighs and scratches the tip of her nose, listening to Harry as he chats about how he stopped eating meat a while ago, but was willing to eat fish again during the weekend.

Aurora nods at him, and then the growl of an engine starting up makes her jolt and gasp. She widens her eyes and takes her hand to her chest, and Harry chuckles next to her.

She rolls her eyes and relaxes, smiling as she pokes his side with her elbow. "Shut up…"

He nods, pursing his lips and stopping himself from laughing even more.

"Whatever you say, Mrs. Styles."

"Ughhh. I won't be hearing the end of this anytime soon, will I?"

"See? That's why I married you. You know me too well."

She snorts, and then Harry slows down walking.

"Ok, all jokes aside now. Aurora Fletcher, are you ready to have some fun?"

Aurora smiles.

To be fair, she's been having fun for a while now, but her body still sparkles with excitement at his words. So she moves her head quickly in agreement, just to make sure Harry can see it. "Yes, please."

"Good, because if my eyes aren't messing with me," he says, raising his arm to point out ahead of them, "I think those up there are our friends…"

Aurora looks up, tilting her chin and squinting her eyes when the sun strikes right into her line of view. Like she did before, she places the side of her hand against her eyebrows, blocking the brightness and blinking to focus where Harry seems to be pointing at.

When she recognizes the silhouette of some of their friends, she realizes they aren't just on a yacht — they are standing at the top floor of a massive, luxurious yacht.

Aurora's mouth falls open, her eyes seem to bulge out of her face, and her body freezes.

"What the hell?" she murmurs.

Or, in other words, what the hell were Lucy and Theo thinking?!

"Now I see what Niall meant about it blowing my mind," Harry says next to her. "Fuck yeah, this is gonna be great! C'mon."

His joyful and energetic voice is enough to wake Aurora up from the half-conscious state she's fallen into, but he still puts his hand in between her shoulder blades and pushes her slightly, encouraging her to move along with him.

"They're waiting for us, yeah? It's gonna be fun, but if it gets too much let me know and we'll just take a break from everyone."

Aurora blinks.

"I don't… I don't know if I'll be able to," she blurts out, not moving her feet from the spot.

Her eyes are still wide open, but she darts them up to stare at Harry.

He pulls his sunglasses back to the top of his head and takes two steps closer, standing right in front of her and letting their bags fall to his feet. His figure is tall enough to block the movements ahead from her view, allowing Aurora to focus on him, and only him.

"I mean—" She shakes her head, organizing her thoughts. "I don't know if I'll be brave enough to ask for help."

Harry nods, and a wave of understanding engulfs Aurora's body. She drops her shoulders, and her eyebrows, then lets a long breath out of her nose.

"Maybe we could come up with a sign then, yeah?" He puts his hands right above her elbows, then gently moves them up and down. Rubbing her upper arms and soothing her down.

"A sign?"

"Mhm. Just, y'know, something to let each other know we could use some company? For both of us… Maybe I'll need it, too."

Aurora chuckles and rubs her forehead, knowing damn well he won't need it.

Still, she nods.

"Maybe, okay… Yeah."

"Good. Any suggestions?"

"Hmmm… I don't know. Pinching the tip of the nose?"

"No, nuh-uh." Harry shakes his head. "You already do that a lot."

Aurora frowns. "No I don't."

"Trust me, you do." Harry tightens his fingers around her arms, then loosens them up. "Scratching our jaws? I mean, your jaw… You scratch yours, I scratch mine…"

Aurora purses her lips, and his own mouth twitches in amusement.

"You know what I mean…"

"Yeah…" Her eyes wander around his face for a moment, and she sighs. "But no, because that's something you already do a lot."

Harry turns the corner of his mouth into a smirk, and Aurora squeezes her hands into fists to stop herself from poking the dimple on his cheek.

"I do?"

She shrugs. "Mhm."

"If you say so…"

He stays put inside her eyes, capturing her inside a mesmerizing green spell and forcing her to just wait there. Powerless and helpless. With no other option but to stare back at him.

Letting time go by — letting time run by.

As if they weren't already late.

As if they weren't the last ones to arrive.

As if they didn't have a massive, overpriced yacht waiting for them.

"What about our ears, then?" he offers, his voice huskier and somehow slower.

Aurora swallows. And her stomach flutters just as much as her chest tightens.

"Y'know," he adds, then takes a step closer. "You tug yours, I tug mine…"

He moves one hand, letting go of her arm as he drifts it to her face.

He touches her cheek first, breezily, then slides to her ear, brushing her skin in the process and making it tingle.

Aurora holds her breath, and as she stares at him, she feels her earlobe being touched by two of his fingers.

She closes her eyes for a moment, and when she opens them again, she drifts her sight to his mouth. Unconsciously and unintentionally.

Harry slides his tongue between his lips, getting them wet before he turns them into a smirk.

"Like this," he murmurs, then gives her ear a little tug.

Shit.

Aurora looks back at him.

Everything he's doing right now feels soft, intentional, and… Extremely and weirdly right.

There's a feeling deep down her stomach that she's unable to name. Maybe a flush, maybe a tingle, or maybe a throb. Or maybe all of them.

She can't describe it, she can't understand it.

She can't name it.

But it's there, and it's doing things to her. Things she hasn't felt in a very long time.

"Hm? What do you say?" he asks, so softly it almost makes her whine.

Her heart picks up, and she doesn't think she'll be strong enough to move away from his touch. Not then, not ever again.

"Okay," she whispers. "Yes."

His smirk turns into a smile, and he leans in, pressing his lips firmly against her forehead.

It only lasts a second, and then Harry pulls away from her and hunches down to pick up their bags.

W—What?

Why…

Aurora blinks at him.

Why did he stop?

Why did he move away?

"It's settled, then," Harry says. "C'mon, let's get this party started."

Hiii :)

I thought about adding some more scenes here, but tbh I feel like these two should be together and get all the attention, so this is where part 3 officially ends. Next part it's a long one and includes meeting all of their friends, so I hope you've enjoyed their last moments by themselves hehe 🤭

Thanks for reading!

Dani

(if you've made it here, pls talk to me and say Francesco lol)

PART FOUR (I)

#harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles au #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfiction

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cloveroctobers · 7 months ago

Text

HAMMER TO THE HEART — THE FINAL CHAPTER: DANTE TORRES [Summer Writings]

A/N: We made it to the final part of this mini series that had no plans of being a series, which is still mind-blowing for me since I’ve nicknamed myself as “NeverWriteAPart2ESS.” 🤭 This is for the readers who asked if i had any more Dante on my list and here it is but I’m sure it won’t be the last! Thanks for all of your support. Also hope you have either a fun, safe, or chill holiday 💥 I originally had this planned to drop Saturday or Sunday but I’ve been in my writing bag lately so enjoy this (mostly) angst gift ✨

🏷️: @darqchilddaydreamz as always thanks for tuning in, I love reading your responses ❤️

S/N: Seraphina now has a face readers but ofc you’re always welcome to imagine whomever! + rewatched the last two episodes to refresh my noggin—I’m still new to PD and debating if I want to get into it from the beginning due to past ICKS so if some things are/have been inaccurate that’s why lol.

WARNINGS: language, tweaked the original plot just a little, light? discussion of deceased bodies, bodily injury, triggering flashbacks, & a LENGTHY read!

<- read part two here.

𓂃 ࿐ 𓂃࿐ 𓂃 ࿐ 𓂃࿐ 𓂃 ࿐ 𓂃࿐

There’s an unknown number that stands out on Dante’s phone screen. He came to the bar with Atwater and Ruzek, Ruzek briefly disappeared to the bathroom after telling Dante he was ready to kick his ass in some pool and Atwater struck up a conversation with a very flirtatious woman that Dante had to point out to him. It was funny how the taller man tried to get updates on what was going on with him and Seraphina but was being oblivious to the attractive woman that wanted his attention.

Dante’s sipping at his beer when he feels his phone vibrating. Shifting a bit he manages to pull the phone from his pocket, peering at it he swallows the alcholic beverage before swiping across the screen. “Hello?”

“Hey, man thanks for picking up! Uh, sorry to bother you.”

Dante turns his eyes into slits, picking up on the familiar voice, “…Manny? How’d you get my number?”

“Remember my dad who I mentioned weeks ago?”

How could Dante forget? That day on his thirty-first birthday has been on his mind since and after everything that went down, added more disdain for his “special,” day.

Dante felt his eye twitch, “The old cop?”

“Uh huh…I guess you guys still have some type of pull even if you’re retired.”

Dante rubs at his face, slightly irked. Resting his elbows onto the counter he exhales as he thinks about what he should do about this situation. Somehow he chose to brush that off for now and get back to the point of this call.

Dante presses, “…is there something you need?”

It’s not as loud on Manny’s side of the line besides the barking that he scolds before it’s quiet again compared to Dante’s but the buzzed haired cop is focused on nothing but the intent of this call right now. “it might not be anything but my last call with Phina-Mena ended kinda abruptly. And I’ve been trying to reach out to her since and it seems like the call keeps dropping? I was just wondering if you heard from her?”

Dante feels his jaw tighten at this, it hasn’t been easy for him to process that Seraphina’s been keeping this from him at all. Which of course added to the mountains of tension between the two and it’s actually been two weeks since his birthday. Once Voight realized that Dante had a deeper connection to Seraphina than what this case is and felt a way about him getting her involved, Voight made sure to carry out visits to the lab without him.

Which further pissed Dante off.

“You gave me shit about not only becoming a cop but kept giving me shit about the situation with Gloria…and you think it’s okay getting yourself involved in this kind of danger when you already stepped away from it?” Dante felt like his brows were touching, the aggravation burned through his veins as he tossed Seraphina’s front door shut behind him.

The short haired woman continues her walk to the back of her home, to the kitchen, “Nothing about this case is okay and I have valid reasons just like you do with your career and Gloria. I may not fully ever get that second half but it happened and it is what it is.”

Which was ironic to hear since Seraphina was the one who said that she was done taking things for what they were with Dante. Was this all to get back underneath his skin because honestly it felt like she was kinda trying him?

“Yeah somehow I don’t think you’re gonna be saying that if you get yourself killed.” Dante’s usual gentle tone feels like frostbite, making Seraphina freeze in her tracks right in the center of her kitchen.

Relaxing her shoulders she turns to face Dante. His doe eyes are wide and he looks as if he wants to start pacing the floor but Seraphina isn’t in the mood to soothe him, not when his attitude’s been ugly since she made herself comfortable down at the district.

“You’re worried, that’s fine.” Seraphina shrugs, “I can understand that but you’re acting as if Voight handed me a gun—

Dante scoffs, “He might as well have!”

Seraphina argues as if it was so simple, “Tay, I’m working on the chemical end, not the physical. That’s your guy’s area. What you all signed up for.”

It wasn’t only PD’s job. She allowed herself to get thrown back into the true forensics of things. The amount of bodies that ranged from young kids to teens months ago to current time—still children was insane. At first the cases Seraphina’s dealt with, didn’t seem connected to her until she found something in common with each of the youngest children, that high traces of Librium contributed to their death along with specific wounds that ultimately caused them to bleed out.

The darkness was falling and Seraphina did not seem like she was ready to dodge it.

“What we’re dealing with is a serial killer.” Dante states while the woman nods her head being full aware from what she’s seen and before what made headlines, “They’re smart and have been steps ahead of us lately. If they find out that someone else is onto them…then there’s no telling what they have up their sleeve next.”

Seraphina inhaled and exhaled, “Which is why we’re doing everything to catch them and why Voight brought me on. He knows I can help so why can’t you?”

Dante shakes his head, “I never said that. You’re outstanding at anything you do…I just can’t go through having you in harm’s way again.”

She gets close to him now, hand going to grab the side of his neck and he thinks she’s going to embrace him but she just brings her chin above his shoulder, making sure her lips are near his ear, “Well, that’s not up for you to decide.”

And she goes to exit the kitchen, forgetting her appetite but Dante’s not finished as he also whips around, stalking after her, ready to follow her all around the house to get his feelings out about the path Seraphina was throwing herself back into.

The battle was just beginning.

Dante ignores Manny’s question and decides to ask his own, “when was this?”

“Last night.” Manny answers, “l called to see what she thought about the lastest MasterChef episode and we were just about to get off the phone after she took the trash out but there was some…shuffling? I guess and then the call dropped.”

At that moment, Dante felt as if all the air was just punched out of lungs. His head drops and he’s rubbing at his face now, eyes clenched while trying to find some air to bring back into his body. “time.”

“Pardon?”

“What,” Dante tries to keep his tone leveled but his gut was telling him that something was wrong and his stomach’s been funny since he last left his person’s house two weeks ago, “What time did this happen last night?”

Manny blew out a breath, “It was late…some time after 10pm my time and 9 for you guys.”

“You said you heard scuffling—

“Shuffling,” Manny corrected, “but now that you mention it, maybe it was more of a scuffle.”

“Did you try to call back?”

“Course. What kind of guy would I be if I didn’t check on a lady to make sure she made it safely into her home?” Manny says if it Dante offended him but it’s not like he cared, “There was a text sent ten minutes later saying that she dropped her phone, cracked her screen and would probably have to take it to a repair shop or get a new one but I haven’t heard from her all day today and we usually send morning affirmation texts or checking in texts during the day…it’s after 9pm now and there’s still nada. White noise.”

Dante can see that Ruzek’s made his way back out of his peripheral view, “Alright, I’ll get back to you.”

“Great, keep me posted. You now have my number—

Dante ends the call.

When his eyes meet Ruzek’s, his smirk vanishes as Ruzek gets rid of the teasing that’s sitting on his tongue, watching Atwater trying to spit game once he takes in Dante’s facial expression.

“Dante, what’s up?”

Dante’s rapid blinking makes Ruzek further concerned as he lets the words slip from his lips, explaining, “We have to do a wellness check on Nina.”

And Adam doesn’t need to hear anymore, with Dante making his exit before getting on the phone again, leaving Ruzek to toss some money on the counter in thanks to the bartender and calls out to interrupt whatever Kevin and his potential love interest of the night had going on.

When the trio make it to Seraphina’s brick home, Dante only pauses for a short time, his eyes scanning all over the exterior that was basically his first safe space once she brought it and second home. Kevin and Adam both share a look on either side of Dante, tempted to ease his worries but they were loud enough as they stood beside him.

It was a silent conversation between Kevin and Adam, both eyes widening to push the other to say something first but soon they realized Dante whisking by them as he jogged up the steep steps. He stops at the front door and gives a quiet signal for one of the men to check around the back while Atwater chose to follow after Dante.

The door was closed shut but not locked and that was something she did not do. With a twist of the door followed by his foot, he pushes the door open and calls out, “Nina…are you home?”

The home doesn’t feel warmed by her spirit so his mind already told him what he needed to know. Atwater does the honors of going up the first set of stairs to the right while Dante is checking closets, scanning the living room and there’s a closed laptop sitting on the coffee table, before heading down the hall. He passes the second set of stairs, checks the half bathroom, and continues to the kitchen. The house looks as it should and there’s a carton of raspberry chocolate chip Talenti ice cream soaking in the sink, perhaps it’s something she forgot to toss into the trash being too wrapped up in a conversation with Manny…but it reminds Dante of a dark time back in July when they were kids.

That July where their scars got fresh ones.

There’s a snapping that irks Seraphina’s ears, a light so bright that shines against the skin of her closed eyelids. She can feel her neck beginning to ache right at the spinal cord, the weight being too much to bare as she struggles to get the pressure off. It takes time but the light that keeps flickering is supposed to be encouraging and it does get her to focus.

Leaning back against the hard chair, her eyes peel open but the one on the left feels tight and more than sore. Swollen. She tries to blink it away but that feeling is prominent and it makes the space above her brow experience a sensation that radiates to the center of her forehead, leaving her skull to throb. She had been hit with something when she turned away from her trash out back and now she was sitting face to face with the man the entire city was searching for.

“You don’t realize how fascinating you are.” He starts, “At first I thought my one more would only be Hank but then…I started watching you too.”

That unsettling feeling that sunk in was not pleasant. The woman winces as she feels the ties chaffing into her wrists and her ankles, “…this isn’t going to end well for you.”

“I could say the exact same to you.” The bearded man says, emotionless, “But I’ll do you a favor and let you get one last call.”

Seraphina huffs, knowing what that means but slowly let’s the determination kick in trying to buy herself some more time, “Did you really catch me off guard and hit me in the face?”

“It was a spur of the moment thing,” He answers honestly, “Like I said, you originally weren’t my target but I figured a two for one special wouldn’t hurt, much.”

Seraphina licks her dry lips, “tell me…are you married? Children? You should know, hitting women is a punk move but you got bigger problems than that. Kids? I hear the slammer doesn’t play with those that are kid killers.”

He scoffs out some laughter, “I won’t be there. I’ll be reborn, new by then and as for you…that’s to be determined. Are you a Phoenix or a scared duck hiding from the rainstorm like you’ve been doing over Dante?”

Seraphina clears her throat, “does that make you feel better? Speaking on things you think you know?”

He stands in front of the dark haired woman, hands clasped behind his back as he trailed his eyes all over her features, that alone made her skin crawl. It was as if he imagining all the ways to disfigure her face. There was a strong detachment in his eyes that would leave anyone shook.

“I think I know enough. I’ve watched all of you but the most intriguing happened to be: Hank, Hailey, Dante, and you.” He informs, “I needed Hank and I wanted you.”

“For what?” Seraphina quizzes.

He doesn’t miss a beat, “for new beginnings. We can’t take the easy way out but at least the comfort of a loved one in your final moments will make it seem that way. Which is why, you’re going to give me what I want and call.”

Seraphina shakes her head but stops as the pain follows her movements, “sounds like it’s more to give you a piece of mind. You think you provided all these people with peace as you tortured them for nothing?”

He has a cool blade underneath her chin so that their eyes are locked, “is anything really for nothing? Nothing is ever truly senseless. Look at yourself for an example. You’ve been here all your life, wishing on a star for Dante to love you back but maybe it’s a fever dream. Everything that you’ve been through, where you could have been, if only he took the romantic love you have for him serious—is all in your head.”

He’s squatting now, dry hands on Seraphina’s bare thighs. Her breathing hitches as the deranged man pulls the waistband of her Terry cloth shorts forward, “there it is.”

He’s in amazement and she wants nothing more than to spit in his face at him showing her vulnerability in this dark room.

Seraphina doesn’t look at him as he runs the point of the blade along her lengthy scar, “Stop touching me!”

She grits out but the killer can see that she was swallowing the rising tears down.

“Dante does love you beneath his own problems but he won’t allow it because he feels like he doesn’t deserve you. You know that. He chose someone else because that’s a life he’s known. You could have been a new life. Always have been which is why he keeps you close. He’s scared to have a life with you past friendship because of all of the things that happened when you were kids but most importantly he took a piece of life from you.”

The exposed air is cold against Seraphina’s old scar and she can feel her eyes burn; she just wanted this man to shut up and rot.

[July, 2009]

The horn from the opposite car is deafening.

A sixteen year old Dante is stunned on what he’s seeing. The classic mustang rammed into the back of Dante’s new low-rider, which was given to him by the exact man who decided to ram his car into the back of his. Dante’s leaning on his elbows on the hot gravel, trying to find his voice since his car was just totaled but that didn’t matter. What mattered was Seraphina happened to be in the passenger side eating her signature raspberry chocolate chip ice cream while he was outside of it, vibing to, “Forever,” by BBL Drizzy, Lil Wayne, Kanye West, and Eminem.

Although this was his first car through being involved with the gang, he took pride in it because he knew what he had to do to get it. He had to hide it up the street from his mother but she was no dummy, she sensed the change her in son the moment he returned the favor to his step-father, nearly beating the man to death. He looked up to, “Sad Eyes,” as almost an older brother with methods that gave him the potential to be a powerful man. However he wasn’t sure what this method was? And he scrambled to his feet as he heard the creaking of Sad Eyes’ car, he fell onto his shoulder out of the car, his eyes settling on Dante as he lay on his side.

“Why?! What was this for?!” Dante called out to him.

Sad Eyes just blinked as he spluttered around the blood that escaped his mouth, “Good Luck.” Were his final words.

Dante didn’t have time to process that right now as he circled around the car. His hands go right through the rolled down window to press a shaky hand into Seraphina’s pulse point. It’s moving but it’s too slow. She’s not conscious but the horrors were already settling in as Dante’s green hues followed the path of the crushed car and the iron fence that pierced through her abdomen.

There was blood everywhere. Dripping from the iron fence while pooling into the lap of her white jeans. His heart was hammering against his chest at the sight, she looked dead and that alone felt unbearable. He snapped out of it, hands moving to the handle of the door trying to pull it open but it was obviously jammed shut.

The sirens were squealing through the summer air in the distance and Dante just knew there had to be some sort of motive. There always was with this gang. Carefully he leaned into the window, pressing a kiss to her temple, breathing her in as he whispers, “I’m sorry, Nina.”

That wouldn’t be the last of his apologies. He went into hiding around the empty parking lot, just to make sure that the firefighters got her out and the paramedics got her into the ambulance. Dante was aware that the police would start searching the area but he couldn’t just fully leave his best friend behind. Not when their relationship shifted weeks prior.

Sure he’s thought about it, asking Seraphina to be his girl but he let the members of the gang get into his head. He only told the other youngest member of the gang, who went and ran his mouth to the main two in command: Sad Eyes and Joker about it. Rico aways had diarrhea of the mouth and sometimes Dante felt bad at how hard everyone was on him, until Rico told his business with Seraphina.

A meaningful intimate night that they all clowned him for. That she wasn’t anything different or even special because she didn’t choose to get passed around by them. Seraphina didn’t even want to be around the gang after they disrespected her, especially with most of the members being much older than the both of them. She would never be just some, “bitch,” and they told Dante that he would find plenty more along the way in this life. That did not sit right with Dante so he cut his time short with them that day (plus some days after that but they always came to him when he didn’t want to bothered) and gave Rico a nice busted lip on his way home. He felt bad about it later since the fourteen year old struggled to find his place in the gang and just wanted to be part of something but in that moment? A sixteen year old Dante stood on business, which the gang got another laugh at.

When Dante and his mother, Catalina made it to the hospital Seraphina’s father was just finishing talking to the doctor. It had been hours since Dante watched them take Seraphina away. He waited for his mother to get home from work, keeping his gun nearby just in case any other members dared came to his door, telling her what happened and she didn’t bother putting her things down. She waved him along, mind racing with a million and one thoughts as they left their home to catch the bus to the hospital.

Catalina prayed the entire way, rosary held in both her and Dante’s hands but the younger boy kept his eyes on the city lights that blurred by.

He couldn’t lose Seraphina.

“You piece of shit!” The boulder of a man hissed while yanking Dante up by the collar, “I told her to stay about from you countless of times but she continues to be hardheaded—must of been something you taught her. You bring nothing but poison, you started this. I know you convinced her to hide those pills that got my wife caught out. I know my daughter.”

Dante was breathing hard but out of anger, “you think you do, sir. You think you have the answers to everything but you don’t. You’re the definition of neglect. You neglected your wife when anybody can take one look at her and see that she was about to lose her shit. And Seraphina? The only time you paid attention to her is when you’re looking to point the finger for your miserable life. Tell me, do you really think I’m the only piece of shit here when you tried to drown your so called daughter the night they took Mrs. Coty away?”

“Dante!” His mother’s voice cuts through, knowing her son crossed a line but she never appreciated the way Mr. Coty spoke of her son, and she also wasn’t aware of what he did to Seraphina.

Her hand was resting right on Mr. Coty’s bicep tightly and she noticed the nurses looking, hands probably waiting on the phone to call security to throw them out. Seraphina didn’t need to be alone like this, this much Catalina knew and just needed these two to put their egos aside for the sake of Seraphina.

Mr. Coty huffed as he shoved Dante against the wall one last time, his head hitting the wall as he tells him, “You think you’re so much better? You’ve done nothing but break her and that’s all you’ll ever be, a scared little boy that brings nothing but damage. You think you saved your mother by beating that coward of a man down? You only ended up hurting her just as much and as for my daughter? Two broken ribs, neck sprain, and that fence went right through her pelvis. Do you know what that means? There’s a high chance that she’ll never be able to create life in the future and sure she won’t have to worry about that now but you’ll always be the reminder of what you took from her. That’s all you are, a good for nothing taker. So you remember that when you want to shit on my parenting skills.”

And Mr. Coty fixes Dante’s shirt, condescendingly patting his cheek as he stalked off in the opposite direction of where Seraphina lay. A sixteen year old Dante thought about many things in that moment, one of those being the act of swinging on the older man, there was a familiar look in his eyes that his mother saw so she sat beside him on the floor and brought him into her chest while he clenched his fists, holding back tears.

There was a time back when Dante was in the academy, where he and Seraphina slipped up back in their early twenties. The age of sixteen was the first time but as they grew, it happened again. She slipped into a bookstore while Dante was eyeing a new boba shop that was across the street. He had a tough day the day before and agreed to hang out that Saturday to get his mind off it. Dante knew that he had what it takes but the instructor was a Grade-A asshole and that only pushed him even harder. He easily pinned out what type of cop he would be dealing with and heard the gossip, so he showed his ass just exactly what he was capable of.

It did get tiring and he was exhausted but wanted to be around Seraphina to ease his mind. Seraphina stood across the street, a bright smile on her lips as she had a tote bag full of new purchases that her bank account would give her shit for later when she went over her finances like she commonly did every reset Sunday. She didn’t like what she saw, another woman, with bright copper hair, clearly flirting and being too close to Dante for her liking.

Did she not see that he had two drinks in his hand? It wasn’t Dante’s fault, he was a single good looking man and could do whatever he wanted. Seraphina just messed up her previous date that Seán set her up with because she was too hung up on Dante. It was ridiculous considering that they weren’t children anymore but constantly bringing him up to other contenders was a red flag. She saw that, had to understand how that was off putting because she wouldn’t put up with it herself honestly.

So she took the risk, not wanting anyone else to have Dante as they got into an argument over her shift in moods after their outing uptown. She walked right up to him, grasping his face and planted one right on him. He wasn’t expecting that as he pulled back, silently questioning what that was with curiosity in his light eyes but that curiosity is exactly what led to him connecting their lips again, picking her up and leading her through her apartment at the time to her bedroom.

She’d like to call it a true false positive, taking two tests after the third time. Her OBGYN confirmed it with a blood test and she was happy but scared. Seraphina and Dante were friends, the best anyone could have but they discussed that it couldn’t be more until she ended up wanting it to be more. No one else matched up to him. They were careful—not enough—and she imagined what children would look in their friendship and automatically knew Dante would be a great dad. Just when she worked up the nerve to tell him, waiting days after the news…she suffered a miscarriage alone because of that terrifying injury when she was fifteen going on sixteen.

Asherman's syndrome is what they call it.

“Somewhere around all of it, you still love him and he cares for you immensely. It’s twisted because anyone would have called it quits but there’s something…enchanting about you two.” The killer is back to standing up straight, “I want to hear how much up close so…call.”

Seraphina slowly blinks while she stares at the device the killer is holding out to her, “No.”

The bearded man deeply inhales, putting the burner phone back into his pocket, “tell me something…when you went through your miscarriage…when that abdominal pain almost ripped you apart from the inside out, did you dig your nails into the palms of your hands hoping that would help?”

She exhales, closing her eyes and knows what’s about to happen next. She doesn’t grant the monster with a response as she feels the blade pressing underneath her nail. Her screams did not go unheard in the room close by which contained a non-coherent Hank Voight and once satisfied, the killer whispers as he enjoys the drips of blood that hits the floor, “Take all the time you need but I’ll be back. It’s time to see Hank.”

The state of Dante Torres’ heart felt as if someone took a meat tenderizer right to it. He was right on Hailey’s tail despite Petrovic telling her to stand down. This case quickly became personal for the both of them and it didn’t take long to realize that Voight got snatched as well. The team all knew it was a matter of time and that was not something they wanted to continue to give to Matson.

He wished Upton stood on her stance of shooting Matson in the kneecaps and had his own finger on the trigger to fire. The next moments he blacked out on after seeing Hailey climb in the trunk of Matson’s stolen car.

Eventually he’s heading down the steps, eyes immediately picking up on Matson’s mutaliated body, eyes gaugeed out, brain matter surrounding him, and a knife sticking right out of his abdomen that Seraphina was still holding onto. Dante lowered his gun after putting in the call for the paramedics to make their way down.

“Nina,” Dante gently speaks as he gets down on his knees beside a sitting Seraphina.

He carefully reaches out to touch her bleeding hands but she pulls them back from holding the blade, curling her hands into herself numb to her missing fingernails. “Hey, hey, it’s me, Tay. I’m here, Nina.”

It’s like she’s not here, eyes glossed over but she hears him. “Dante?”

He nods and there’s a sob that rattles from her chest as a bloody hand tries to silence it. Dante springs into action, bringing her right into his arms. His face tightens as he glances at Matson’s body and back to Ruzek who’s tending to Hailey and Voight, he dips his head for him to get Seraphina out of here.

“I’ve got you,” he says to her after repeating a nod to Ruzek, “let me get you out of here, alright?”

Scooping her into his arms, he spins around taking her away from the violence that was inflicted. Hating that he didn’t try harder enough to keep her out of this. Kim nods her head at them on their way by, empathy was heavy in her large eyes as she watched her team member take the love of his life as far as he could.

“I wouldn’t call.” She whispers to Dante in the ambulance, one hand holding his while the paramedic is bandaging her right hand.

Dante hums as he brings her in tact hand to his lips, “I know Mi Corazón…you’re the toughest person I know, next to mi ma.”

Seraphina snorts before her eyes widen, “…you didn’t tell her anything did you?”

“She’s knows we’re going through our bullshit again,” he mocks his mother, knowing that Seraphina’s reaction was valid because as soon as Momma Catalina found out that her babies were up to some bullshit, she was ready to bring out the chancla after embracing them and making sure they were okay first, “but not the specifics.”

“Good.”

Dante scoffs, “good? Not good. I know what happened and you should be more concerned with that than anything else.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Seraphina closes her eyes but Dante nudges her with their clasped hands, “…can we do this later? I’m tired.”

Dante peeks at the paramedic who shakes their head, which lets Dante know that there could be signs of a concussion. “How about this? Let’s talk about the rest of our summer plans?”

“Are you sure you even want to spend the summer with me?” Seraphina wiggles around trying to get comfortable on the stretcher, “I know you’re going to beat yourself up over this and it’s not necessary. I’m a big girl and made myself part of this, not you.”

He exhales through his nostrils, laughing internally that she knew him so well. How could he not beat himself up over this? It was his job to look after her, something they both vowed once they became friends at thirteen. Once he got into the gang in juvi, he made sure he had people on the outside looking out; not only for Seraphina but also his mother until he got out.

“Yeah it is necessary,” he starts but Seraphina doesn’t want to hear it.

“I’m tired of Chicago, Tay.” She shifts the conversation, although the green-eyed man knows he can bring it right back there if he wanted to but he decides to listen on their ride to the hospital, “My parents went to Kansas City as soon as I moved out full time to get rid of all the bad memories so why can’t I do the same…even if it’s for a little bit? My cousin Behati’s been begging me to visit the New England area with her husband and two year old daughter.”

Dante is quiet at this but he shows he’s listening as he lightly squeezes her hand.

“B and Makari always extended the invitation to you too, you know?” She’s hinting as Dante leans forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

He’s met Seraphina’s cousin Behati and cousin-in-law Makari many of times over video calls and the pair seems so full of joy. So positive and compassionate with the intentions of showing that they were good people. Seraphina’s always talked about Behati and hated that she always lived far and cant remember the last time she’s seen her in person.

“You should go.” Is all Dante says, sending a small smile to Seraphina who goes silent at that.

Dante lets out a long exhale after cutting the engine. He knows they’re pressed for time as he’s in the line up, and glances over at Seraphina who peers out the window in excitement. Dante dips his head as they both move to exit the car, she’s fixing the carry-on that’s on her shoulder while Dante pulls out the hard-cover suitcase from the trunk. Reaching out for the handle, they both meet each other’s eyes.

Seraphina offers Dante a smile and he takes it, a soft grin splitting over his lips that she gets a view of the tiny gap in between his front two teeth before he’s pulling her into his arms. He always loved holding her. The feathered haired woman rubs at his back in his embrace as he holds onto her like he’s going to lose her forever.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you and I’m gonna miss you, Nina.” He says as their heads rest side by side.

She laughs, “I know.”

Dante snorts as he pulls back to look at the amusement in her eyes. It’s been a tough time after the events with the serial killer but Seraphina always knew how to keep going and this trip was part of that. She didn’t need anyone’s permission to relocate but she kept talking it over with her therapist—something new she was trying—and with Dante. What kind of friend would he be if he told her to stay after everything?

“How sweet of you.” Dante is sarcastic as he gently rubs the sides of her arms while Seraphina winks.

“I’ll be back after Labor Day.”

Dante nods.

Seraphina uses her pointer fingers to lift the corner of Dante’s mouth who rolls his eyes in return, a smile breaking through on its own, “And if you change your mind or want a little break from this…from Chicago, you know where to find me.”

He places a lingering kiss on both cheeks before hugging her again, lifting her off her feet, “yeah, I do. I love you, have a great flight. Now get out of here.”

She kisses one of his cheek’s back, “I love you more and I’ll text you when I land!”

“You better.” He puts her down on her feet, letting her take her things and watching as she makes her way into the airport.

Once she sends another wave and he can’t see her anymore, Dante circles back around his car to get into the drivers seat. The hammering starts in his chest as he starts the engine, pulling away from the curb and he’s struggling to swallow the lump in his throat.

See Dante wouldn’t blame Seraphina if she decided that she didn’t want to come back. They always talked about seeing what the world had to offer but Chicago was all that they knew. He was glad that she was getting out, although she claimed it was only for a little while, the back of his mind was saying something different.

His eyes flicked to the new ornament that he hung from his mirror. It was a old Polaroid photo, on Seraphina’s fifteenth birthday during a late December, she held up a deck of cards which shielded the lower half of her face, arm tossed over Dante’s shoulder as he appeared unimpressed wearing a red headdress that was Vegas themed and forced on his head for the photo.

Written on the white space in Seraphina’s chicken scratch of handwriting she always had it says: I’ll always celebrate my bday and ur bday enough for the both of us! —Forever your road dog, Nina :)

Dante sucks in some air after glancing at it, blocking his mouth with a shaky hand in attempt to quit the cry that wants to burst out as he puts on a smile.

He really was happy that Seraphina got out, for real this time.

This didn’t have to be goodbye but it was certainly feeling like it and Dante would be lying if he said it wasn’t breaking him.

Guess he’s a sucker for pain and evolving it into something better, which he’s competent of.

When Dante truly sinks into this new found emptiness, a separate shade of darkness, he comes to terms with: not having the reassurance of Seraphina by his side or a simple drive across town where she resides, he’s not entirely sure how this will all play out and that petrified him.

“Torres,” he answers his phone, after realizing that it’s been ringing for a while.

The familiar gruff voice replies, “I need you down at the district.”

Crime was never ending as Dante put his foot to the pedal, flying down the highway to dive into the life he’s built for himself.

And continues to buries the rest.

For now.

𓂃 ࿐ 𓂃࿐ 𓂃 ࿐ 𓂃࿐ 𓂃 ࿐ 𓂃࿐

FIN.

JK -> Here’s a bonus chapter!

Continue with my summer anthology writings & prompts here.

#Spotify #chicago pd #chicago pd x reader #dante torres #Dante Torres x reader #chicago pd fanfic #kevin atwater #adam ruzek #summer writing #benjamin levy aguilar

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xeiinsuuferst · 4 months ago

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Here’s some Crescent and Lux art! ^^ I feel like they’d be closer because they’re the same age and have to take care of two younger kids, which essentially means they can only depend on each other for emotional comfort since they don’t want to burden the little ones. :,(

YAP STARTS NOW!! Just me asking smth and yapping about what I’m planning for this comic etc

By the way, since I’m planning to create multiple comics for my AU, I’m not sure which ships I should include or whether I should just skip adding any (except for some implied moments between the adult Sanses, not the ship kids, lol). SO PLZ GIVE ME OPINIONS PSLPSLSPSLSLSLLSSLSLSSSSS IDK WHAT TO ADD

There are only four ships I’m set on including in the comic (kind of like... situationships, etc ), and those THREE ships are Killermare, Colorkiller, and Cream.

Cream is more like... eh... I’m honestly not too sure. I think they’d be cute together, but I might just keep them as a situationship or something.

Now, I’m going to be honest..I actually kind of like Killermare. 🤷 The dynamic is interesting. (I don’t support toxic or abusive relationships; I mostly want to incorporate some “canon” personalities for the characters. To me, I can’t see Killermare being a healthy relationship at all, and I want to experiment with that in this comic.)

Now, for Colorkiller: definitely one of my favorite ships! I REALLY want to include this ship mostly because they’re super cute, but they’ll most likely stay as a situationship for the most part, lol.

Now I want to talk about my plans for this comic! I really want to explore unhealthy relationships, dysfunctional families, and more! This comic will definitely have some dark themes and maybe even a sprinkle of violence. I mostly made this post to gather some opinions on the ships, but somehow it turned into me rambling about what I want to do with this comic, lol. 😭

It'll probably take me a while to start making the comic due to my EXTREME lack of art skills (and not knowing how to start a comic properly). So, yeah, I’ll likely spend a few more days experimenting with poses before I start drawing the comic, lol. Also, please remember that this comic is more self-indulgent, and I’m mostly making it for myself. But anyway, thanks for reading this WALL of text! I hope you all have an amazing day!!

Lux belongs to AlainaPrana

Crescent belongs to Lunnar-chan

#lux sans #crescent sans #undertale au #ship children #I ALSO FORGOT TO MENTION #I HAVE SCHOOL..#SO ITLL PROBABLY TAKE EVEN LONGER #i’d say like.. 1-2 months #cuz I’m smart #kind of #also guys I figured out how to do big and colored text on tumnlr #tumblr*#this is amazing #IVE HAD TO EDIT THIS FOUR TIMES #I’m a little high #mb guys

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abcd-adventures · 4 months ago

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Coffee Date

It's crazy humid out here this morning, but that humidity skin glow isn't the worst. Lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

In a couple weeks I'm turning 42 and my husband and my dating anniversary is the same day as my birthday--it'll be 19 years since our first date. I'm looking forward to planning a date night and having some time just the two of us. There hasn't been much of that recently, and to be honest that's mostly on me. My husband has never been my go-to emotional support person. He provides a level of safety and security because he's very loyal and I know with absolute certainty that he loves me, so in that way he's incredibly supportive. But, he is not the person I go and talk to when I'm stressed or upset. He usually gets the abridged version after-the-fact because people/emotions aren't really his strong suit. That's always been fine because I have a wonderful support network of people who are far more emotionally adept at processing my shit with me. Unfortunately, right now, all of those people are going through their own pretty serious shit, so I'm more trying to be there for them. Somehow, in 19 years, there's not really ever been a time when I didn't really have an outlet for my own stress/emotions because always at least one of my people was around to decompress with. I'm pretty good at journaling. I'm reading Full Catastrophe Living and working on incorporating more meditation and yoga...I'm doing the whole "self care" stuff, but for the first time in 19 years, I'm definitely feeling the frustration of not having a partner who "gets" emotional exhaustion. I have definitely found myself pulling away from him a bit because of that, and I know he feels it and doesn't understand it. HE has not changed, and I recognize intellectually that it's unfair of me to be resentful, so I'm trying to find a way to address that in a way that works for both of us. I definitely have been feeling like a social worker 24/7 and that's not sustainable. Maybe it's as simple as I just need to take a day off and sleep. Maybe I'll try that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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shutupineedtothink · 1 year ago

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I finally landed on a Siuan theory/analysis re: 2x07! And it works prettyyyy good if I do say so myself. At the least it’s plausible. Probably. No book spoilers because I haven’t read the books, this is a show only theory. Read on at your own risk!

Background: So, at first I was on board the “Moiraine and Siuan planned this whole thing daes dae’mar blah blah blah” train. Mostly in my emotional turmoil after watching the episode initially. But, I was forced to dismiss that pretty quickly in light of some of Siuan’s lines, namely “That boy must not leave this city.” And “You lied to me.” She has to believe both of those things are truths to say them, so her somehow being secretly on Moiraine’s side still and them having conjured up some plan together doesn’t match up with either of those lines. Sadly. So that’s pretty much out. If this ends up actually being the case, I look forward to how they explain themselves out of it.

Second theory is of course that it’s playing exactly as we’re seeing it, which ultimately does work and when I can take the emotional dagger to my heart out of it, is objectively really excellent storytelling and character work. These are two women, trying to do the right thing, trying to save the world, and their love is sacrificed at the altar of duty. Duty over love is a theme that’s absolutely pounded into us with many characters, so it makes sense. (As Lan points out to Rand also in this episode, “you were born to protect this whole world, not just the people you love.” That’s kinda where Siuan and Moiraine are at too.) Plus I love the idea that Siuan comes face to face with the very real if unfathomable possibility that Moiraine has been turned to the dark based on her actions and general cageyness for the last six months, and that’s really what motivates every choice Siuan makes, up to and including invoking the oath rod. Really great stuff, brilliant subtext, two thumbs up.

However. There is a third option. *rubs hands together gleefully*

I heard some people saying Siuan could be under Compulsion, which definitely piqued my interest, because we’ve had those breadcrumbs dropped earlier in the season already and it would be nice foreshadowing for this. But most of the conversation I’ve seen seems to be around Liandrin being the one to do it. Probably because we’ve alluded to that already this season, so we know she is capable and has done it before. A tool in her dark friend toolkit, if you will.

But Liandrin being behind it never sat quite right with me either. Compelling Sheriam to change some logbook is one thing, but controlling the Amyrlin seat, for hours if not days to make this happen, is quite another. Idk what kind of strength Compulsion requires, but I bet it’s not nothing. And as powerful as Liandrin is, I don’t think she’s stronger than Siuan Sanche, or would be able to pull one over on her fast enough to make this happen. Plus, Liandrin is off doing other shit in this episode. If she was really implicated I feel like she’d be at least lurking around the other Aes Sedai. Maybe I’m wrong… but I don’t think I am lol.

So, who does have the power to do this? Who else has the means, motive, and opportunity to make this happen? There’s really only one other person.

The other scene stealer of 2x07, ya girl Lanfear.

There’s several bits of dialogue in this episode that back this theory up, both Compulsion in general and Lanfear being behind it, so let’s run from the top.

First, some general evidence that Compulsion might be happening.

Rand and Siuan meet, Rand gives his cute little introduction, Lan has prepared you I see, what else has he told you about me? Then Rand gives this line:

“That you’re not exactly what you seem.”

Interesting choice of words, writers— I mean Rand. He could have said a lot of things there, even directly repeating some of what Lan told him about Siuan, but no. And if you’re already thinking Compulsion, that’s a pretty strong nudge from the writers to PAY ATTENTION to Siuan Sanche, because maybe what she’s doing is not what it seems, even the person she IS in that moment is not what it seems. (Even if the surface level read totally makes sense and still works thematically!) This also wouldn’t be the first time that the writers seem to use the characters to say something/poke fun that’s more directed at us than the actual plot. So I definitely wouldn’t put it past ‘em.

Second, and this is kind of a throw away, but when Moiraine and Lan come in later, Lan says “this isn’t what we agreed to.” This is pretty easy to explain away, but I think it’s still notable that Lan and Siuan had some kind of conversation earlier, perhaps on their way to Cairhien, about what they were going to do in regards to Moiraine and/or Rand. And at that point Siuan at least implied that she was going to help Moiraine and Rand, not cage him. Again, pretty easy to sidestep with aes sedai truth-lies/evasions, but it’s also possible at that point she actually had no intention to cage Rand. Because she wasn’t under Compulsion yet.

Alright, still going in chronological order here, so now we’re getting into some Lanfear-did-it specifics. And I do love-hate this one.

Moiraine and Siuan are arguing over what to do about Rand, then this:

Siuan: “Can you imagine, Moiraine, if one of the forsaken got their hands on him?”

Can YOU imagine, how absolutely giddy it would make Lanfear to make her say this, to Moiraine’s FACE, knowing full well she’s got her hands all over Rand and then some? Come on, son.

Ok jokes aside, here’s the kicker.

Rand and Moiraine in the cell in the sun palace, Rand meets Lanfear in the dream world, Rand goes up to her and says “I’m in a cell, the Amyrlin’s holding me.”

And Lanfear says, so smug, “I know.”

Um, girl? You know?? HOW do you know exactly? I definitely dismissed this on the first couple watches as oh, Lanfear just knows things, but like, no. The Forsaken aren’t omniscient. Now, could she be teleporting herself here and there and spying on everything that’s going on and that’s why she knows? Sure. But that’s boring and I’m on a roll here so let’s keep going.

She knows, not just that Rand is in a cell but specifically that it’s the Amyrlin that’s holding him there, because she herself Compelled (Compulsed?) Siuan to do so.

Ok so motive. Why would Lanfear do this, why spend the effort?

1. It's definitely fun for her. 2. She sets up this scenario where she gets to “save” Rand from the big bad aes sedai, he has no choice but to ask her for help, she LITERALLY shows up in her white knight in shining armor outfit, and she ultimately hopes this helps convince him she actually cares about him and wins him over to her side. (As she tries to tell him in the finale, I’m the only one who cares about YOU, not just what you can do. Mhm sure girl.) And 3. She gets to actively pit the rest of the aes sedai against Moiraine, who she absolutely hates.

And in doing all of this SHE MIGHT NOT EVEN HAVE KNOWN about Moiraine and Siuan! That's just icing on the fucking cake! It works either way, because if she did know by forcing Siuan to tell her about their mission and she somehow gets Siuan to admit she loves Moiraine (however that interrogation goes, idk the specifics of compulsion but the show writers are playing fast and loose with the rules anyway), well now it’s game on baby because Lanfear will absolutely be using that info to wreck both of them. If she didn’t know, and her whole motivation is the first three reasons above, then she definitely finds out at the end of 2x07, because she was definitely lurking around the corner listening to that whole exchange between them and it made her fucking night.

And finally, there’s Lanfear’s last line of the episode (I think): “Lucky for you, a broken Amyrlin is more useful to me than a dead one.” Double meaning alert! Siuan is literally lying broken on the ground in that moment, but maybe she was already “broken” well before that, being under Lanfear’s control. (And there’s your Egwene/damane parallel too, damn.) And therefore Lanfear knows exactly how she’ll be “useful” to her.

This whole strategy by Lanfear could also be forecasted from a couple episodes back, when she asks Ishamael why he didn’t just kill Moiraine at the Eye. He basically tells her the same thing, that Moiraine (I believe he uses the words “aes sedai” specifically) is more useful to him alive than dead. So mayyyybe that gave her this idea to manipulate an aes sedai for her purposes, except while Ishamael is playing the long game, she goes full tilt and mind controls the fucking amyrlin seat.

On Siuan’s side of things, every bit of dialogue she has/action she takes makes sense under the assumption that Lanfear is influencing her, because she would “believe” everything she’s doing. Now I don’t know exactly how Compulsion works (in case you couldn’t tell), if it’s like someone else actually making you believe/do things you wouldn’t normally do, or if it’s more of a you’re trapped in your own head and not in control of your body sort of situation, but it works either way. And boy let me tell you, if this theory is correct, that makes Sophie Okenedo’s performance even more impressive than it already is, because it really works either way: Siuan is genuinely doing what she believes is right for the fate of the world and has her stone cold face on to do it (until the very end) OR her “real” expressions/feelings are mostly being masked/faked by the Compulsion and what she’s being forced to do by Lanfear. It tracks! Either way! Insane!!

The other big reason I think this theory works is because of what we find out in the finale — we learn from her conversations with Bayle Domon and Ishamael that Lanfear has been pulling the strings to make this whole season happen all along. (Cue It Was Lanfear All Along music lol). She sold the bits of cuendillar (although I don’t really get why… just for the money?), she seduced Rand, she played Ishamael, all of it. So why not this too? Why not control the Amyrlin seat, if she has the capability and means to do so, especially if she means to take Ishamael off the board and sort of become the de facto leader/strongest of the forsaken. Not really their leader, I know, but it’s a good power play for her is what I’m saying.

Finally, I think this could put us in a REALLY fun place for season 3, with stuff happening at the tower. We could have scenes with Lanfear, Siuan, and Liandrin. We could have Siuan acting increasingly more malevolent or just off somehow, and while most sisters are going with it, Alanna or Leane maybe starts to get suspicious (more Leane please!). We could have Moiraine send the wonder girls back to the tower, ostensibly to continue their training but also because she needs informants to know what Siuan is planning now (which kills her obvs), and because I would love to see them Scooby doo their way through some shit, the three of them figure out what’s going on and somehow (with Alanna’s help?) free Siuan from the Compulsion. Idk but it could be so much fun you guys.

Or, I could be totally wrong. Maybe this is totally not how Compulsion works. I don’t mind either way. This was a super fun thought experiment. But man, if this theory is in any way correct, this will be some of the most twisty TV/dialogue writing I’ve seen in a minute. And, you know, I’m trying to make fishwives happen here! Cmon!

Shout out to the Post Show Recaps podcast deep dive of 2x07 for questioning how Lanfear knew that Siuan had Rand captured and finally clicking this all into place for me. If you’ve got any other pulls from the episode or the season in general that back this theory up, please share in the comments!

#seriously rewatch the episode with this in mind the pieces just fall into place #the drama of it all!#wheel of time #the wheel of time #wot #wot season 2 #wot 2x07 #wheel of time 2x07 #siuan sanche #siuanraine #fishwives #lanfear #the absolute euphoria I will feel if this ends up being correct #only 2 years to find out

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locklyle1kanij · 1 year ago

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Okay it’s time for part two of my Lockwood and Co fic recs, we’re going into the not as known fics and a lot of them are newer and mostly a bit shorter then the other ones i recommend last time.

(and of course they’re all mainly locklyle)

Also spoilers for The Hollow Boy ending if you haven’t read it, bec a lot of these fics have to do with the ending of that book.

Also if you have any trouble finding theses fics just let me know and i can hopefully help you out. ENJOY!!

“A certain step to falling in love” written by: buttonupshirt

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

Lucy reads Lockwood's copy of Pride and Prejudice

“A turn of fate” written by: IndecisiveScribbler

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

Lucy Carlyle has the worst luck. After getting rejected from what seems like every agency in London, it honestly feels like the world is against her. Fate strikes her with a second chance, though, and she is hired by Fittes as the newest member of Quill Kipps' team. She's prepared to show just how powerful her Talent can be. Anthony Lockwood is having an absolutely terrible time finding a new agent. He and George are struggling, and it doesn't help that Kipps keeps tearing cases away from them left and right. Luckily, he has a plan that will solve both of his problems at once.

I’m other words…

An AU in which Lucy doesn't learn about Lockwood & Co. and gets hired by Fittes instead.

“After the fall” written by: Littlelola

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

THB SPOILERS!! a different way the argument about Lucy leaving L&C could have gone.

“Don’t give up on me” written by: dmh23

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

TCS SPOILERS!! What if after their experience with La Belle Dame, Lucy is absolutely furious at Lockwood for following the Visitor? What if the case forces them to confront their feelings for each other, before their emotions end up causing even more issues for them and everyone around them?

“Drag Me Down” written by: buggybugs

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

After the untimely death of his sister, nine year old Anthony Lockwood is sent to live with a family friend who teaches him how to protect himself. But when a mysterious person drops off a pamphlet when he's seventeen, it's going to change everything. Alongside his untrained psychic powers and newfound friends, George Karim and Lucy Carlyle-Fittes, he'll soon discover that not everything is what it seems. Welcome to Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp, where you train hard to become international psychic secret agents....otherwise known as Psychonauts.

[Psychonauts AU, but you do NOT have to play the games in order to read this! The setting and some of the plot points are taken from the game, but a majority of it are worldbuilding things I've created myself to make this concept work so that it can be read by all readers.]

“Give me something to believe in” written by: PiningLikeFineDining

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

A royalty AU where Lucy and Lockwood meet as kids.

(my obsession with Royalty AU’s is honestly pretty concerning lol)

“Glowing Dim As An Ember” written by: LeonaBelle

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

Lukia doesn't remember her life before she was taken in by Mrs. Karlova. All she knows is she needs to get out of Russia and go to Paris, where she's sure she'll find the key to her past. A snarky conman, Anton, and his comrade Georgiy are her ticket out, with one catch: she has to pose as the Grand Duchess Ludmila. Along the way she finds herself inexplicably drawn to Anton, who seems somehow familiar. Lukia's journey is sabotaged by sinister shadows from her past, and only time will tell if she loses her heart or her life first.

(It’s an anastasia au, and it’s so perfect for locklyle)

“Gutted” written by: Savoirfaire

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

THB SPOILERS!! Lucy is staying away from Lockwood for his own good. Lockwood is too proud to ask her to come back. It'll take a miracle to get them back together. That, or a foot of steel rebar through the stomach.

“Happy endings” written by: Shenanigans24

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

an AU where, Lucy Carlyle is a frustrated writer working a part time job that's leading nowhere. Her problem, she doesn't believe in happy endings. Anthony Lockwood, journalist, isn't looking for a happy ever after. He's far too busy. Both end up for different reasons, at evening classes for writers. Do they deserve their own happy ending? Well first they might have to work together to solve a shocking mystery that sounds as if it belongs in a fiction book.

“I Can See You” written by: scarlettaylor

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

Lucy Carlyle is one of the top agents in England, a part of the notorious Fittes Agency. Anthony Lockwood is the founder and leader of Lockwood and Co., an Agency rapidly rising to fame. After the two meet on a case, it seems that fate keeps pulling them together. Navigating being in love as an agent is already a challenge. Hiding it from your respective agencies is a whole other issue.

“just business” written by: menina123

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

THB SPOILERS!! Lockwood’s been looking for a way to get Lucy back all winter, and when DEPRAC decides to host a weekend conference, he finally gets his chance. And if there’s a discount on registration fees for couples (excuse me, pairs)? That’s even better.

(I found this one today and i’m already obsessed with it)

“On The Fence” written by: Mercurial_Rain

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

Lucy Carlyle is an art student that stumbles across the Lockwood & Co fencing club while finishing an art assignment. She doesn't expect to see them again, but then, fate will do as it will.

(OMG i can’t believe i forgot about this one!! It’s sooo good!!!)

“The bizarre brink of feelings” written by:

Mirroringdust (MirroringDust)

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

SPOILER FOR THB What if Lucy never left after the Hollow Boy and what if her vision became true but in a completely unexpected way? Lucy and Lockwood face a situation that they can't really understand and a ghost they can't really capture in the usual way. On their final way to fight it, they are trapped in the tunnel, the others already lost. The manifestation pushed them to the brink of their feelings and the only way to not get lost is to admit them.

“The Darkness Beyond The Gates: A Halloween Chronicle” written by: worldofkaeos

Finished

Plot Summary:

A day before Halloween, Lockwood and Co. is suddenly tasked with one of the most arduous and dangerous case they had ever encountered. A group of missing agents, an ancient tale of a peculiar girl, and a sudden outbreak of supernatural Visitors in the midst of order, when things seemed to have already calmed down. The stakes are sky-high; will they succeed in their quest and save these agents? Above all: will they make it out alive?

“The Far Side of Paradise” written by: WhimysInkRibbons

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

It's 1930. All around the country, banks are closing their doors as the fallout of Black Tuesday spirals into economic depression. But Hesperide Manor, home of business magnate Marissa Fittes, is a world of glamour set apart. Lucy Carlyle, an aspiring PI, poses as a maid at Hesperide, determined to uncover the secrets of the manor's history in order to trade it for justice for her own. But when her past catches up to her in the form of Anthony Lockwood, the man who betrayed her years ago, she knows a single misstep will cause both their identities to come crashing down. Lockwood has been searching for his parent's and sister's murderer for years, at the cost of his childhood and the girl he once loved. When fate brings them together again in Hesperide, his heart is torn between his growing feelings for Lucy and his desire to put the murderer behind bars. Striking a tentative alliance, Lockwood and Lucy agree to help each other find the answers they seek. But as the days pass, they find themselves both falling for each and becoming more and more entangled in sinister secrets that the wealthy and powerful will do anything to protect.

“the ghosts that we knew will flicker from view” written by: the_one_that_fell

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

Not long after the establishment of DEPRAC, it was ruled that all children over the age of seven who possessed any psychical Talents were to go through government-funded training. The day Lucy turned seven, she was shipped off to London to study at Fittes House. There, she met a boy.

“The Lost Months of the Hollow Boy” written by: PininglikeFineDining

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

OBVIOUSLY TBH SPOILERS!!Lockwood begins to realize what a life without Lucy entails, learns more about her through an unexpected visitor, and receives glimpses into her past. Takes place between books 3 & 4.

(If you don’t want to emotional damaged DON,T READ THIS!)(but you should read it tho…)

“What I Know Now written” by: wawabird

Ongoing

Plot Summary:

Lucy closed her eyes momentarily and took a deep breath. Opening them she looked at the two in front of her. As of right now they were her only hope, Mary's life rested in the hands of a socially awkward occultist and his dandy of a friend who would not stop staring at her. Fantastic. A fun little pre-problem regency au :)

I might make a part three but your gonna have to give me a couple weeks to find more because i’ve name dropped most of my favs i think lol but i will probably eventually make a part three… Also if any of the authors see this post, Thank You sooo much and keep doing what your doing <33333 and of course let me know your fic recs because I LOVE L&C FICS!!

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jonas-ct · 3 months ago

Text

Finally making a summary of my naruto AU (mostly repeating what I said to a friend when it was still just barely a concept lol)

(please don't mind any mistype, i barely reread myself)

So, just a little backstory on the why: I was playing a naruto game (naruto x boruto ninja voltage, rip, it was a peak game, no joke, all the anime games I play end up terminating the next year, I might be cursed)

And in it you can have teams of 4 ninjas and my main team (really just the team with my best ninjas) was composed of:

(old screenshot)

And i thought it was hilarious (my first thought was smt like "lol Boruto is having the weirdest day of his life")

Now, I had started by designing Rin, and i hadn't even decided when in time they would all get sent to, so I told myself that they would probably need to be undercover, and to avoid any suspicion because of her face marks i decided that she would wear a kakashi-style mask and that she would pose as a guy (and Boruto would pose as a girl, i should have realised I'd end up making the kids trans, but i am an idiot so i didn't)

Now, for the name changes (that they use to be undercover, except Rin who uses it as his new name as a boy): they came after i decided for them to get transported to a time barely before Rin's canon death

Rinne: mainly for rebirth, reincarnation, I thought it was a very dramatic name for a trans person and was very close to "Rin" in pronounciation, then i realised it was already used in canon for the rinnegan and said fuck it i'm keeping it anyway

Boruto: no name change, that's mainly because I didn't feel the need to give her a new name, but also because I believe that even after transitioning she would like to have an attachment to the life she lost when time traveling and decided to make her keep her birth name, I'm also a sucker for trans characters who keep their birth name.

Tobi: I had no inspiration ngl, he already has a perfect alias like i like them to be, close to his old name without being too on the nose

Mada: I messed up and made it too on the nose, but i had to somehow change his name because no matter the time period, being called Madara Uchiha will make heads turn, (exact words i said to my friend: "because of the fact that Madara is kind of the ultimate villain name to give your kid in the narutoverse post his first death")

Rough explanation of the horribly thought timeline now (please keep in mind the designs i gave them are supposed to be from a few months after the time displacement):

I haven't thought of a reason why they got time displaced, because I am extremely lazy

Tobi and Mada were displaced a bit before the kids, being both aware of Zetsu's plan Tobi didn't too much of a hard time to force Mada to fix the stuff he messed up in preparation for his eye moon plan, they decide that they'll start by not letting Rin die and killing the Madara and Zetsu of that timeline

They split up: Tobi is in charge of killing the supervillains, Mada is in charge of making sure Kakashi doesn't kill Rin and that Obito isn't conscious in case he fails

So he puts young Obito under a genjutsu, kill the white zetsu around him, carry him on his back and continue in team minato's direction, but when Rin's death is very close to happening, he feel Isobu's chakra at another place, so he hesitates and Kakashi successfully (if we want to call that a success) kills Rin, Mada opts to kill their enemy nins so that at least Kakashi is vaguely safe and then turns around to go tame the tame beast (I decided that if one eye of a pair awakens mangekyou then both eyes do cuz it's easier that way for me idc)

When he arrives he does not see Isobu but Rin (Rinne) in a full on rampage, with a panicked blonde kid (Boruto) running away from her, he chooses to force the beast into submission thanks to his super awesome sharingans and bring the three kids with him to the cave where Tobi destroyed Madara and Zetsu, well he brings Obito and Rinne but Boruto tags along because she's really confused as to where she is

In the cave, Tobi fixes up the seal on Rinne as well as he can(bro saw a lot of seals when he was actively killing jinchurikis, so he's on temporary seal fixing duty)

Tobi, Mada, Rinne and Boruto manage to figure out they're all time-displaced (or more like dimension-displaced but whatever), thanks to Tobi intelligently asking Boruto if she's a fucked up Naruto and her telling him that no, her dad is fucked up Naruto

When young Obito wakes up, Tobi and Mada decide to just make things up so that they have a cover story that young Obito, the yapper that he is, will spread for them:

-Tobi and Mada are traveling nin, they are cousins who didn't grow up in Konoha because they were born from the encounters between beautiful civilian women and handsome Uchihas on a mission far from home

-Boruto is Tobi's student, she doesn't have her family anymore

-They were on their way to Konoha to ask for a place in the village when they saw Kakashi stab Rin with his chidori, recognising the Konoha symbol on their forehead protectors they and decided to help them

-Kakashi passed out, they killed the enemy nins, healed Rin like they could (Kakashi's chidori "barely missed her heart") and tried to fix her seal

-Sensing more shinobis arriving they decided to leave with Rin because "they panicked"

-They found Obito passed out on their way to a cave to be safe for the night and took him too

-Obito woke up once already and shared Madara's mad plan with them all but he doesn't remember and they're not surprised because "he looked out of it and if they hadn't fought Madara and Zetsu when arriving at the cave then they would have thought he was making things up"

-Tobi and Mada then decided to fix what Madara did already and that they would come back to Konoha once they had done all they needed

Coming back to the truth, Tobi decides that it should be better for Obito to have someone help him get used to his alien-hashirama-plant limbs, and tracks down Tsunade and manages to get her to help Obito with the promise of no blood even being seen

My exact words: "Then they went to fix Madara's problems and came back later with Rinne and Boruto having started their transitions", I can't be bothered to think about how they fixed stuff up so yeah lol, timeskip on my side, now they look like the designs i shared

(to note: Rinne loses in chakra control because of the added tailed beast chakra, he kind of loses his mind because he can't be a great healer like he dreamed of and Mada ends up kinda feeling bad since it's technically his fault and teaches up insane taijutsu

Young Obito becomes the healer of team minato because Tsunade was going insane at his lack of medical knowlegde)

They get Tsunade to agree to come back to Konoha, for Obito, and also so that they go from "potential threat" to "people who helped save a young konoha shinobi who was thought dead", when Rinne gets recognised as Rin from team minato, they get bumped up to "people who helped save two young konoha shinobis who were thought dead"

Because I'm a sucker for "nothing ever goes wrong and everybody is happy" stories, they all (not Mada, because he doesn't want to) get integrated into the Konoha ranks, first as chunin because i play favourites, and Tobi takes the jonin test very quickly and takes over as team minato's new replacement leader (because Minato is very busy being hokage now and having a pregnant Kushina at home)

Boruto becomes somewhat friends with Kushina, helping her with her pregnancy, because she remembers some tricks from when she was young and her mother was expecting her sister

Mada ends up taking Rinne and Kakashi under his wing and, my exact words:

"he did such a better job at being a parental figure to Kakashi than he did to Tobi that Tobi makes him regret it by constantly being an ass"

"I loved the idea of young Kakashi seeing a man with tied down grey hair and mistaking him for his dead dad and apologising very badly and Mada just turning towards Tobi and being like 'Im gonna adopt this kid' and Tobi having flashbacks from when he was the same age and he had to live in a cave with Madara, and he was litteraly the worst parental figure on earth so he goes 'No you won't' and Mada still does cuz nobody can stop mada"

I haven't added anything to the main story of this au, I still have some silly little scenes I want to badly draw so I didn't include them here, but they don't add anything very interesting they're mainly just passing thoughts

Anyway, here's two drawings that aren't part of my au's story but that are set in similar universe, if that makes sense? (i don't think ive posted them already)

( the second one happened when i got bored and wanted to try to draw in a shojo style)

#naruto au

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theartisticcrow · 3 months ago

Note

Silly Game Time: If you were to become the patron deity of one specific aspect of the *natural* world, which aspect would you choose?

It could be as wide as the sky or as narrow as tide pools, as universal as clouds or as localized as one mountain, as alive as animals or as inanimate as rocks. All that matters is that it's of nature and that it feels right for you.

(Personally, I would chose to be the god of dusk, when the sun sets and day fades from the sky to give way to night's gentler moon and stars.)

I think I would be the deity of the northern lights, providing a bit of hope and joy in a part of the world so cold, so barren.

And if I were to be a deity of just anything, I think I would have something to do with knowledge or the correction of misinformation and injustice. Or perhaps I would have something to do with revolution, seeing as the French Revolution is something I take a large interest in and I did spend 11 days writing a 30 page essay about Maximilien Robespierre, explaining why he was not a dictator and why people think that (reactionary propaganda, mostly).

I am tired and feeling a little depressed with the current state of the world right now. Usually I'm optimistic and hopeful (what else can I do in my current position?) and I am quick to correct the idiocy of other people who think murdering innocent people in somehow justified (yes, I have had to deal with this. My strong sense of social justice that came free with the autism doesn't allow me to let it slide [lol that's pretty much how Robespierre died])... But today I just feel a bit sad. Thus why I'm answering this ask even though it is from so long ago. I think I meant to answer it but I forgot.

Of course, I did see a play literally about the holocaust earlier today, so it shouldn't be surprising that it had some effect on me. It was really well down and honestly had me close to tears at a couple points throughout the performance, which is saying something because I don't get that kind of emotional very easily.

If I could be a deity of anything, I think I'd like to be a deity of Hope.

But on a more positive and amusing side of things, look what I happened upon in the lighting booth today

Saw the little Robespierre cut out yesterday and couldn't help myself. Funniest thing is that I am factually correct, it's hardly even a joke at this point.

All that said and done, I'm probably going to lie down now. Hey, at least I have Friday off tomorrow so I finally get to take a break for the first time in over a week. I've got everything together for my best friend's birthday "party" on Saturday. It'll just be us too, he doesn't have any other close friends (his school kind of sucks and people suck). Plan I think is that we'll go bowling then head back to his place. He hates his birthday yet refuses to tell me why, but I'm determined to make it fun. I have an entire wooden chest full of gifts, plus a Bill Cipher poster that I created, since of course he's a big Gravity Falls fan and kind of turned me into on too.

I also am going to give him a few of my rubber rats, a nice cloak that I spent three days fixing up, a harmonica I found in my closet, some other random things including a traffic cone that I painstakingly managed to fit inside the box, and the Book of Bill, which I know he will be delighted to see. I'm not too worried about him seeing this despite him technically having a tumblr account. I think he's already forgotten about it anyways, so...

And then I've got some government exam or whatever on Monday that I'm required to complete if I want to ever graduate high school, but I'm not too worried about it. I am however super excited for November because my Drama teacher is offering to take anyone from my Drama class who's interested to go see a production of the Sweeney Todd musical, so I'll be seeing that next month.

Haven't really got much else going on aside from schoolwork and a slideshow presentation that I'm working on as a science project and already I have failed to take it seriously. The first slide starts out with the caption: ASTRONOMY TIMELINE "What's the worst that could happen" and then the next slide is the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs, and then one of the dinosaurs in the image is saying "yeah, I'm sure that's edible" which becomes their last words on a gravestone, so you know this is going to be a good presentation.

Also here's a photo I took of a pigeon while I was in Toronto last weekend.

Sorry but also not sorry if this comes off as weird in any way whatsoever. I've gone completely off topic in regards to the original question but honestly it's just a nice excuse to off about my life because writing my thoughts down always makes me feel better.

If you see this and take the time to read this through, I hope you're doing well and that you're safe and comfortable and I hope that you never have to worry about any terrible things because the world is a terrifying place. I hope you have a good day or night. I hope you're okay and you make sure to take care of yourself. I would be deeply saddened to hear if anything bad happened to you, even despite the fact that I hardly know you.

We're all just people trying to survive and make it through another day. We all have our own concerns and internal conflicts. We all possess our own feelings, whether others realise it or not. I don't care if I hardly know you, I still hope that you feel loved and appreciated.

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andsoigotabutterfly · 10 months ago

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Little update on Save Me From Her...

Sorry I keep you guys waiting more and more on the chapters. I feel like I struggle writing it and here's why;

First of all, it was deeply personal from the start. The first few times I wrote the chapters I didn't even register it, but I was pouring myself into Yanna herself (that's what I call Y/N characters. I couldn't ever read it as my name or didn't write Y/N's as if the reader was the one who I was writing about, sorry for that) and into the whole situation as well.

Years ago (like waaay back) I suffered a pretty bad arm injury that almost killed me, and I thought it would be pretty neat to write a story that had something like that. So I figured out a short little story for it, yet when I was writing chapter two (I originally planed 3-4 chapters lol) I somewhy thought I could drag it out, so (naturaly) without planing anything I dragged it out. I was always figuring out what was going to happen next while I was writing the story. Life just got shittier and shittier during all this and then someone very dear to me suffered a near death situation, got hospitalised and all that. The whole thing felt way too close to what I was writing and (knowing at least the very end of what would happen at my story) I started writing more and more reluctantly, because what if that happens with us as well? (Yeah, the ending would and will be pretty angsty...)

Second, I changed a lot. My mind's a bit clearer and I started to plan out my life and where I'm going to head with me, myself and I.

Because of these (mostly the first part) I have decided that I am going to end the series, but do not threat! I am leaving it here, and I am going to finish it. In the future, if things get better around here, I am going to restart the series. Write the whole thing once again, but now planned out and (hopefuly) depicted more clearly. I am sorry for this, but I feel like if I would continue it now, it would feel like a drag and wouldn't be the best I could make it. And it would really fucking hurt if I somehow predicted what would happen, and wrote it for anyone to see how miserable it all turned out.

If you still want to see me write, feel free to send asks and everything you want because I won't stop writing, just SMFH.

I am deeply sorry and I do promise, that if it turns out good in the end I will return with it. I hope you all can forgive me.

#I am sorry #really #please don't hate me #little personal #I still exist and stuff #save me from her

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samtran1022 · 1 year ago

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Life updates…

About every 6 months I reflect upon the titles of my life, the feels I’ve felt, the insight I’ve gained, and how these titles impact me and my headspace.

The theme of the second half of 2023 & what I’m seeking for/needing in my life: communion (ie, the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level).

Life as a mom… PJ is about to turn three years old and LT just had his first birthday a couple months ago. Literally each day they get older, the better mom life gets. I feel mostly like myself, yet somehow a more actualized/evolved version. PJ still loves dinosaurs and has a budding obsession with monster trucks; he is entering his threenager phase, with very loud 15-20 minute emotional meltdowns. LT is walking and learning to do so much more on his own, he will often wedge himself to be as physically close to us as possible (ie, when we’re doing dishes, cooking on the stove, etc), he is more prone to crying when he doesn’t get his way (which still triggers me, yet I grit my teeth thru it and validate his emotions). Watching the two interact with each other has plenty of comedic content; naturally, they are as alike as they are different. PJ will independent play, Lucas will antagonize, and the conflict will usually be resolved with violence lol my goal is to teach them the tools to peacefully resolve conflict without the need for an adult to step in and referee every single battle. A task that will take many years, yet with consistency, dedication, and many… many deep breaths, I think we got this. Check again in 10-15 years lol the truth is, I believe that sometimes violence is the answer. Hence my goal to eventually put the two in whatever sports they request, whether that be dance, Muay Thai, or golf. Oh at this time, Lucas does seem highly attuned to basketball! He also is prone to hit his head a lot, so football seems a highly probable route as well, we shall see. My ultimate parenting goal is to have a secure relationship with each son, one where we can call each other as adults and make plans to see each other simply because we enjoy each others company. The older they get, the more I find I don’t have to push myself to seek out a sliver of joy.

Life as a wife… a lot of this may sound like waffle and that’s intentional, for I have learned not every issue needs to be unloaded for everyone to have an opinion on; my journey into marriage has provided the most difficult of life lessons with regard to the traits I initially lacked understanding on; from patience to discretion, security to safety, physical touch to body acceptance. Anything worth having is certainly worth putting in the work to achieve, which seems to bring about the fact hardship is necessary in any relationship. Considering the fact my parents were divorced when I was 3 years old should shed some light to my feels on marriage. Nearly 15 years into this relationship (8 of those married), I now hold a much more warm and trusting relationship to the institution of marriage. Life isn’t just about me; each and every single day, I make the choice to prioritize love and heart over ego and pride. Don’t get me wrong, there are still several times a week I want to snap about something that annoys the shit out of me lol yet I’ve found it’s in much less frequency than our early years and it’s much easier to either make a clear request of something that bothers me or recognize the pettiness of it and bite my tongue. From what has grown into the favorite romantic relationship of my life, I’ve had the opportunity to learn how to love heartbreak, as paradoxical as it sounds. Relationships aren’t JUST about communication in and of itself, it’s largely the nuance, the clarity and specificity of my observations and requests, the ability to own how I feel and recognize what needs are or are not being met. To deliver all the above with kindness and consideration is incredibly difficult, yet I’m fortunate to share the goal to improve communication with my partner. Fortunately I’ve never much cared for exclusivity, I do not absolutely care to always be right and have things my way. Perspective is everything, it’s unbelievably cool to have someone I look forward to spending time with, one that matches my energy to simultaneously support yet gently push, one that I constantly laugh with and express my appreciation towards. We just finished a 6 month round of marital therapy, I especially appreciate how our therapist was rooting for us to develop our own tools and solutions to address any issues, while also encouraging us to agree to disagree at times. Living with and loving your best friend can be weirdly beautiful.

Life as a corporate customer service rep… I’ve finally reached one of my life goals! I feel so fortunate to say I like my job; in this commodified world we live in, NGL this is quite the flex. I appreciate and enjoy speaking on my subject matter expertise, if y’all ever wanna know anything about Clinical Microbiology (ie E.coli, MRSA, UTI, sepsis, etc) just lemme talk for 5 minutes, see how much I compel you. I’ve lived a lot of my life in a career where I had the Sunday scaries, I was tied to a time clock and treated like a third grader. I can promise you overt monitoring does not seem warranted in many scenarios, work included. I am no stranger to the heaviness of a distrustful work environment, how it tarnishes your soul and crushes your spirit. No wonder it’s so easy for me to express gratitude when I sit in my own car (listening to my own music with climate control) on the way to a customer site, I don’t mind remoting in and assisting for a few hours, nor do I mind being in a hotel for a week to support a customer who has well surpassed their project timeline. The customer service component of the role holds the largest source of contention, yet I am persistent in building trust throughout my SoCal customer base, I’m okay with being patient. If it takes 5-15 years to build trust, that’s reasonable. Thems are the consequences of commodification, counteracting fear and anxiety with understanding and empathy. It might be a larger energy investment upfront, yet I’ve got hope it’ll pay off exponentially in the long run.

Life as a daughter… this might be where I’ve felt a large release of emotional baggage in the past few months. I chose to visit my mother when we went back home for LT’s first birthday, I felt like it was somehow my duty, to provide an opportunity for my mother to be a grandmother. I found being around my mother brought about such a large disparity of emotions; I finally saw outside myself, forcing any relationship (including mother-daughter) will inevitably spread me thin. I continue to say it again and again… I need the people I choose in my life to match my energy, I’m all about that balance yo. I’ve finally come to a level of acceptance; I used to say the words in therapy yet I was not fully intentional nor convinced of their conviction. I no longer yearn for relationships that aren’t there, I clearly see what I deserve, I can mourn the loss of what will not come to be because of others inability to change, grow, and take accountability.

Life as an individual… the time spent in my home town lead me to deactivate my Instagram. I just did it, no warning, which is surprising; I’m not often impulsive. As the months went on, I found a quietness in my mind and natural state of mindfulness. I’m sleeping better, haven’t had issues with insomnia or alcohol addiction, haven’t had as many body image issues nor am I often plagued by inadequacy demons. I’ve come to learn I am the type of person who seeks meaningful connection; IG likes, comments, and viewers were only providing a vapid infusion to my needs. Without constructive feedback, I was left to my own devices to fill in the blanks; it caused too much outside noise of discernment. The community I’ve been longing for has come together with the work I’ve put in to maintain contact (contradictory thanks to IG), from middle school to coworkers to mom friends in SoCal; I’m grateful for the incredible, beautifully complex folks who show up for me just as much as I show up for them, I appreciate how much we support each other from life issue to life issue. Otherwise, I have the same personal goals I’ve always had: lift 3x/week, walk 10k steps, bang out 10 body weight pull ups; diet has been a bit of a yo-yo cuz I knew I wanted to go full YOLO on vacation. I plan to reestablish my calorie deficit when we return home on my birthday, I’ve found a new love with ice baths and cold showers (especially helpful for recovery and any lingering pain, tension, or headaches) and I finished therapy with my third therapist. I keep thinking of reestablishing journaling, yet another goal for future Sam to keep in mind.

Life as a sister… is still a work in progress, and it’s intentionally last on this last. Here’s where baby steps and patience have been my best friends. Similar to the growth I’ve experienced as a daughter, I no longer yearn for what is not there. I can grieve what is lost and move toward acceptance of the present.

#mental health #health & fitness #communion #momlife #marriage #communication #nonviolent communication #feminism #mother wound #siblings #microbiology

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sanddancingwithanxiety · 1 year ago

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Tell us about gig

My baby ornjjjjjjj.

14.2 4yo (rising 5 in November) German riding pony, he was bred by my old agistment owner and I loved him when he was first being broken in and sold, cos he had the best bloody temperament, so he was kinda my one who got away. Kept following him on FB and still loved him.

Then a bit over 18 months later (Feb this year) I was looking at another horse which fell through, and my brain was like trying to rationalise it and was like well this would all feel like it happened for a reason if it somehow meant I ended up with gig lol.

So I manifested that for myself lmao and had my coach talk to the owner while they were interstate for the national young pony championships (where baby ornj did very well because he is an angel). They were like yeah I have another breaker coming through so it would be good to have one less to ride.

Nekminnit I have another pony now.

He is super people oriented, an absolute toddler (all things like zippers, hats, lead ropes are toys and are guaranteed to end up in his mouth) and just a super easy pony. I'm very excited for the future with him 🥰

Haven't yet sat on him cos I've been busy with arthur (who turned into a spooking moron since we moved to the new place, but touch wood are getting on top of it with some diet changes) and we've been letting him settle in (he was a bit of a demon in the cross ties for a few weeks but now he's settled he's very good), but that's coming soon! Meanwhile he's been training with my coach. He will be mostly with him for a bit and we'll gradually transition to me riding him more, he's kinda Arthur's ~succession plan~. He's taken him out and he was super relaxed out, qualified for states no problemo, and basically I"m very very excited for the future :)

Anyway it's very nice having a horse who is such a pleasure to be around and enjoys spending time with me, and I love seeing the boys together now they share a paddock (Arthur bullies the f out of him at feed time) but they do have moments where they are quite sweet.

#gig

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after-nine-at-the-oasis · 11 months ago

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Aww hey besties :D

Lol Cheers xD

Ooope nope Jacob doesn't want him to xd

Jacob this looks really suspicious towards You Know What but I'm gonna keep holding out hope xd

It's gotta be a mislead it's gotta be a mislead it's gotta be a mislead please it's gotta be a mislead 😭

As in it has to be please :'))

Also I just realized the detail/irony that the sub took of the bowtie when he left 💀 xD like he didn't tie it on SLFJFHKS XDD this show is so good oh my gosh

ALSO just realized that Jacob could be thinking Gregory's lonely without Janine/sad over her o.o 👀 xD like I genuinely think that could be an explanation

I am denial but I believe in myself :') it'll be okay lol

Believe as in I think I could be right in my denial

Anyway! Continuing on now that I did some things I had to do and got more food

"Water because the drinks here are pricey" 💀 XD Jacob that's such a mood though lol

Jacob no xD

I feel like that would either make him super hyper or, very tired lol

AAAAHHHHHHHHH NO-

AUOGH

AUGH

help

It's because he has a project/deadline he's working on :)!! That's all :D

I swear Jacob please don't continue to elaborate and make this less vague for me

Maybe

They go through a rough patch and Gregory thinks they broke up but it turns out they made up

OR GREGORY BRINGS THEM TOGETHER TO MAKE UP

please guys I need this

Don't do this to me xD

Okay I've spent too long focus (and time but there was a break lol) on the first 20 seconds of this scene xD

I need to get through this I can live I can do it lol

Exactly Gregory it's no big deal :D you're so right for that man :))))))

"Didn't nobody tell you to stay out of gay folks business?" SLDJFHDKS xDD also Jacob as if you don't over share literally every second of the day

I suspect he might be joking though xD

Also maybe this'll mean he won't elaborate 👀👀

Ah so that's an actual saying xD I thought Gregory was gonna believe him for a second lol

aaAAAAHHHHHHH NOOO-

Guys I'm so scared

Help

They're gonna be fine they're gonna be fine they're gonna be fine

Especially because they're telling it now so they wouldn't dare break them up after an episode of trying to figure it out/fix it

. . . would they :')

O.O Okay Jacob chill xD

He looks angry xd

See I'm laughing to hide the pain :')

Okay I need to stop thinking about the future and just enjoy the angst for now lol

Awww Jacob :((( honey 😭 :'(

It'll be alright <3 I don't think it'll be those stages lol

A month??

Oh no longer, two months?-

No wait don't say like a year-

SEVEN MONTHS??!?

SIR 😭😭😭💔

Okay I don't want you to but why have you not broken up already 😭 xd you idiots xD

Also that reminds me of the "a year. . plus another year" when he first mentioned Zach xD :') :') (first is sweet second is help me please) 😭❤️💔

Yeah exactly Gregory xD

JACOB DON'T SAY THAT

Don't you dare say pretending to still be into each other don't you dare-

He's over exaggerating :)) yeah this is fine :))

Okay right enjoy the angst in the moment xd

I'll have two reactions each time lol; one long term one right now xD

Jacobbb honeyyy 😭😭 :((

If it's bc he wants the stability bc Trauma I swear I'm gonna lose it-

In a mostly good way xD

AYY Jacob slay :D

Wait he's been missing hasn't he- YUP SLFKGHSKS

My boy <33

Also that nod/look at the cameraman just reminded me he's there and that makes it hurt so much worse somehow :')

OKAY PHEW I MADE IT THROUGH

I swear if this entire episode is Gregory helping Jacob plan how to break up with Zach I'm gonna lose it-

Maybe in doing all that he'll realize how much he still loves him :'))

Sorry guys I'm not okay xD

OKAY LOL back to the rest of the episode after that one and a half minute scene xD 💀

#abbott elementary #ae #oasis's ae chatter #that was an unhealthy length 💀 /lh xD

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diaryoftheunidropout · 1 year ago

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DAY 198

Has it really been that long? Where'd all the time go? Even since the last time I updated, a LOT has happened :') today is the 18th of September and at 1PM I'll be starting my first day at my first ever job... wow?

This summer was absolutely CRAZY. Seeing my cousins in Bretagne, the Miraculous movie premiere, London Pride, Good Omens s2, Heartstopper s2, SEEING BIG TIME RUSH AGAIN AND LITERALLY BECOMING A WORLDWIDE GIRL???????? MY DREAM SINCE I BECAME A RUSHER?????????? Wow. Do I even deserve so much good in my life? I hope so. Because I'm really greatful and I hope more good things are coming <3

Just took the time to fill in the calendar my mom offered me as a bday gift last year, because at the beginning of the year I would always write if something special happened a certain day, but I stopped doing it months ago :') So I scrolled through my Ig story archives and my Snap memories and I was able to write down looooots of things and it's making me realize that even though I haven't always been doing well, I've had a lot of good things in my life.

After I came back home from the US, something in me really changed. I've been feeling different. Definitely not like the person I was before depression, but definitely not the person I was these past 3 years...? I think I'm healing. I think being a Worldwide Girl might have triggered something HUGE in my brain because suddenly, I CARE about the future. So much. I care about staying healthy and saving money, and making plans... Most of these plans revolve around Big Time Rush coming to Europe. I'm obsessed with them just like I was back in 2016-2017. Just in a much healthier way when it comes to Logan, though.

I'm just feeling a little stressed out about my new job but I think that's normal! I was very stressed out about going to the US and it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me, proof that being nervous is not a bad sign. Mostly I'm stressed about having to learn so much and discovering a completely new environment but I know I can only be happier than when I was in school/uni, and at least I'm going to have some kind of routine... and I need the money!!! I'm also very stressed out about my exact schedule because there were Saturdays when I'd made plans months ago (like concerts, etc.) but I'm afraid they'll be on Saturdays when I have to work since, as far as I know, I'll work a Saturday out of two. I'm also nervous about how much money I'll have by the time BTR comes to Europe, and if I'm going to be able to get enough days off and money to do the whole tour... I'm just trying to tell myself I'll find a way, somehow. As I said, it's the first time in YEARS I actually think far ahead in the future, like months or years ahead, and it's very much anxiety-inducing because I'm not really used to that anymore lol. I need to chill and take it one step at a time.

Oh also. My relationship with my mom has been kinda chaotic lately, considering she had a boyfriend with whom she broke up recently... it can only get better from now on.

Both excited and nervous for tomorrow. I mean, in a few hours. It's almost 2AM now and I start at 1PM.

Anyway... see ya later! Can't wait to see what the future holds for me (can't believe I'm saying that but I mean it)

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felassan · 4 years ago

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Dragon Age development insights and highlights from Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

Some really tasty factoids here.

Cut for length.

Dragon Age: Origins

The continent of Thedas was at one point going to be named Pelledia, a name initially floated by James Ohlen

“Qunari” was a temporary name that ended up unintentionally sticking, much like “Thedas”

Mary Kirby wrote the Landsmeet. To this day, nobody understands how it works, except possibly her. If she’s “really really drunk” she can explain how it works. There’s as many words in it as Sten’s entire conversations put together

Concept art for Thedosian art - as in in-world art - draws heavily on Renaissance-era portraiture, the Art Nouveau movement, religious styles and media like stained glass, and favorite pieces from the golden age of illustrations in the early 20th century

Andrastianism in-world (art-wise) is depicted in wildly different methods depending on who in-world made the art in question. “One religion, 3 different lenses”. There’s the Chantry take, the Orlesian take and the Fereldan take; each with its own different interpretations, different mediums and different stories

The stained glass images were drawn by Nick Thornborrow for DAI, to decorate religious spaces in that game “and beyond”

irl Viking art influenced Ferelden

Greek and Italian art influenced Orlais

The book also had other insights into and anecdotes from the development of DAO, but I’ve transcribed them recently as they’re essentially the stories DG has recently been relating on the awesome Summerfall Studios DAO playthrough Twitch streams. (On those streams he provides dev commentary while Liam Esler plays through DA. The ones with DG are currently once every two weeks. Check them out! Here’s a calendar where you can check when the next one is) Instead of repeating myself I’ll just provide the link to the first transcript. From there you can navigate to the subsequent parts. Note these streams are ongoing. At this point I will also point you to a related post which is cliff notes of the Dragon Age chapter in Jason Schreier’s book Blood Sweat and Pixels.

Dragon Age II

DAO had the longest development period in BioWare history. In contrast DA2 had the shortest

Initially DA2 was going to be an expansion to DAO. A few months in EA said “Yeah, expansions like these don’t sell very well, so let’s make it a sequel.” So it suddenly became DA2 and they had to make it even bigger, although they still only had 1.5 years of time in which to do this

Production of DA2 officially lasted only 9 months, and at the time the team was still supporting live content for DAO! They finished development that January after the design team crunched all the way through the holiday period that year. Then it went to cert 9 times

The limited time they had is why the story takes place mostly in and around 1 city, and over 7 years (so it was temporal, rather than over physical distance, because a more expansive world would have taken more irl time to make)

They had no time to review even the main plot. Mike Laidlaw pitched the idea of 3 stories taking place at different points in the PC’s life, tied together by Varric’s recollections of events. DG rolled with this and made 1 presentation on the idea. This presentation was then approved and off they went

As they were writing DG realized that there was going to be no oversight and that everything was going to be a ‘first draft’. “Because nobody had time.” He sat down with the writers and said “Look, here’s the conditions we’re working under. A lot of what we’re putting out is gonna be raw. We’re not going to get the editing we need. We’re not going to get the kind of iteration we need. So I’m going to trust you all to do your best work.”

Looking back, DG has mixed feelings on DA2. “A lot of corners were cut. The public perception was that it was smaller than DAO. That’s a sin on its own.”

Despite this he thinks DA2 has some of the best writing in the series, especially character-wise. The DA2 chars are his favorite

The pace with which production progressed may in some ways have helped. “When we do a lot of revision, we often file away [as in buff off] some of the good writing as well. Somehow DA2′s whirlwind process resulted in some really good writing”

The pace meant chars landed on the writers in various stages of completion. For example Isabela was fairly defined due to appearing in DAO. In contrast Varric at the start was just that single piece of widely-shown concept art

Varric was conceived as a storyteller not a fighter. His skills are talking and bullshitting. Hence the question became, so what does this guy do in combat? The direction was to make him as different as possible to Oghren, so not a warrior. He couldn’t be a dual-wielding rogue in order to differentiate him from Bela. But you can’t really picture this guy with a bow. “For a dwarf, it would probably be a crossbow. We didn’t have crossbows, or we only had crossbows for the darkspawn. And they were part of the models. We didn’t have a separate crossbow that was equip-able by the chars. They had to like, crop one off a darkspawn and remodel it. And that became Bianca” (quote: Mary Kirby)

“Dwarven mages are exceedingly rare.” [???]

If DAO was a classic fantasy painting, DA2 was a screenshot from a Kurosawa film or a northern Renaissance painting. (Here Matt Rhodes was commenting on art style)

John Epler: “In any one of our games, there’s a 95% chance that if you turn the camera away from what it’s looking at, you’ll see all kinds of janky stuff. The moment we know the camera is no longer facing someone, we no longer care what happens to them. We will teleport people around. We will jump people around. We will literally have someone walk off screen and then we will shift them 1000 meters down, because we’re fixing some bug.” John also talked about this camera stuff in a recent charity Twitch stream for Gamers For Groceries. There’s a writeup of that stream here

Designing Kirkwall pushed concept artists to the limits of visual storytelling, because it has a long history that they wanted to be present. It was once the hub of Tevinter’s slave empire, so it needed to look brutal and harsh, but it also then needed to feel reclaimed, evolved, and with elements of contemporary Free Marches culture

The initial plan was for DA titles to be distinguished by subtitles not numbers, so that each experience could stand on its own rather than feel like a sequel or continuation. (My note: New PCs in each entry make sense then when you consider this and other factoids we know like how DA is the story of the world not of any one PC). Later, DA2′s name was made DA2 in a bid to more clearly connect the game to its predecessor. For DAI they returned to the original naming convention. (My note: so I’d reckon they’d be continuing the subtitle naming convention for DA4)

DA2 was initially code-named “Nug Storm”, strictly internally

The Cancelled DA2 Expansion - Exalted March

This was a precursor to DAI

It was meant to bridge the gap between DA2 and DAI

It focused on the fallout from Kirkwall’s explosion, with Cory serving as the villain

Meredith’s red lyrium statue was basically going to infest Kirkwall and it would end up [with what would end up] the red templars taking over Kirkwall and essentially being Cory’s army

To stop him Hawke would have recruited various factions, including Bela’s Felicisima Armada and the Qunari at Estwatch, forcing Hawke to split loyalties and risk relationships in the process

It was meant to bring DA2′s story to an end and end in Varric’s death. DG was very happy with this because all of DA2 is Varric’s tale. The expansion was supposed to start at the moment Cassandra’s interrogation of him ended in the present. “And we finished off the story with Varric having this heroic death.” It tied things up and would have broken many fan hearts, something BioWare writers notoriously enjoy. But between a transition to the new Frostbite engine and the scope of DAI, the decision was made to cancel EM, work any hard-to-lose concepts into DAI, and in the process save Varric’s life. DG has talked about the Varric dying thing before

Concept art for EM explored new areas previously not depicted in the DA universe, with costumes that reflected next steps for familiar chars. Varric was going to war, what would he have worn? With Anders, if he survived DA2, the plan was to present a redeemed Warden

A char that vaguely resembled Sera in DAI was first concepted for EM. This fact was mentioned near this concept art (see the female elf) and this concept art of Bethany with the blond bob

The writers sketched out plans to end it with Hawke having the option to marry their LI. This included alternate ceremonies for party members like Bethany and Sebastian if the player opted not to wed. There was even a wedding dress made for Hawke. This asset made it into DAI (Sera and Cullen’s weddings in Trespasser). The dress can also be seen in DAI during an ambient NPC wedding after completing a chain of war table missions

The destruction of a Chantry was explored in concept art as it might have happened in EM. This idea ended up carrying over to the beginning of DAI. (My note: Lol, the idea that DA2 could have had 2 Chantries being destroyed in it 😆)

World of Thedas

Sheryl Chee and Mary Kirby started with “a disgusting little dish called fluffy mackerel pudding”. In the middle of DAO’s busy dev period one of them (they can’t remember who) found a recipe online for this, scanned in from a 70s cookbook. “I don’t understand why it was fluffy. Why would you want fluffy mackerel pudding?” MK says. “We loved it so much we included it in a DAO codex.”

This led them to create more food for Thedas, full recipes included, like a Fereldan turnip and barley stew from MK and SC’s Starkhaven fish and egg pie. The fish pie became Sebastian’s favorite. “To me it made sense for it to be fish pie because a lot of the Free Marches are on the coast”, SC says, “It was something that was popular in medieval times, so I thought, let’s make a fish pie! I looked at medieval recipes and I concocted a fish pie which I fed to my partner, and he was like ‘This is not terrible’”

For WoT the whole studio was asked to contribute family recipes which might have a place in Thedas. SC adapted these to fit in one Thedosian culture or another, including a beloved banana bread that localization producer Melanie Fleming would regularly bake to keep the DA team motivated. “Melanie’s banana bread got us through Inquisition”

DAI

It says part of DAI takes place in or near the border with Nevarra [???]

This game was aimed to be bigger than DA2 and even DAO in every conceivable way

The first hour had to do a lot of heavy lifting, tying together the events of DAO and DA2 while introducing a new PC, new followers etc in the aftermath of the big attack. DG rewrote it 7 times then Lukas Kristjanson did 2 more passes

DG: “Our problem is always that our endings are so important, but we leave them to last, when we have no time. I kept pushing on DAI: ‘Can we work on the ending now? Can we work on the ending now? Can we do it early on?’ Because I knew exactly what it was going to be. But despite the fact that it kept getting scheduled, whenever the schedule started falling behind, it kept getting pushed back... so, of course, it got left til last again.”

“The reveal of the story’s real antagonist, Solas, a follower until the end, when he betrayed the player”. “Solas’ story remains a main thread in Inquisition’s long-awaited follow-up” [these aren’t DG quotes, just bits of general text]

Over the course of development they had 8 full-time writers and 4 editors working on it. Other writers joined later to help wrangle what ended up being close to 1 million words of dialogue and unspoken text. While many teams moved to a more open concept style of work for DAI, the writers remained tucked away in their own room, a choice DG says was necessary, given how much they talked. All the talking had a purpose ofc as if someone hit a bump or wall in their writing they would open the problem up to the room

As writing on a project like DAI progresses, the writers grow punchier and weirder things make it into the game. This is especially the case towards the end of a project (they get tired, burned out)

Banter and codexes require less ‘buy-in’ (DG has talked about this concept a few times on the Twitch streams) from other designers. DG liked to leave banter for last as a reward because it was fun. Banter begins as lists of topics for 2 followers to discuss. These may progress over time or be one off exchanges. One banter script can balloon to well over 10k words. “The banter was always huge because we were always like, laughing, and really at that point, our fields of fucks were rather barren, so we would just do whatever”

The bog unicorn happened pretty much by accident. It was designed by Matt Rhodes and was one of his fav things to design. They needed horse variations and he had already designed an undead variant which was a bog mummy [bog body]. irl these are preserved in a much different way to traditional mummies. When someone dies in a bog their skin turns black and raisin-like. The examples we know of tend to have bright red hair for whatever reason. It’s a very striking look and MR wanted to do a horse version of this as he thought it’d be neat. 5 mins before the review meeting for it he had a big ‘Aha!’ moment, quickly looked up a rusty old Viking sword, and photoshopped it through its skull like that was how it died. “And I was like, ‘I just made a unicorn. Alright, in it goes!’” It got approved. “So we built the thing. It fit. It told a little story”

With the irl Inquisition longsword, one of the objects they tested its cleaving ability on was a plush version of Leliana’s nug Schmooples

The concept art team explored a wide variety of visuals for the Inquisitor’s signature mark. It needed to look powerful and raw but couldn’t look like a horrific wound. In some cases, as cool as the idea looked on paper, they just weren’t technically feasible, especially as they had to be able to fit on any number of different bodies

Bug report: “Endlessly spawning mounts! At one point during development, Inquisitors could summon a new horse every time they whistled, allowing them to amass a near infinite number of eager steeds that faithfully followed them across Thedas. “You could go charging across levels and they’d all gallop behind you,” Jen Cheverie says, “It was beautiful.” Trotting into town became an epic horse siege as a tidal wave of mounts enveloped the streets. Jen called it her Army of Ponies”

The giants came from DA Week, an internal period when devs can pursue different individual creative projects that in some way benefit DA. They also had a board game from one of these that they were going to put in but they didn’t have time. It’s referenced though. It was dwarven chess

Josie’s outfit is made of gold silk and patterned velvet, with leather at her waist. She carries “an ornate ledger” and she has “an ornamented collar sitting around her neck, finished by a brilliant red ruby, like a drop of Antivan wine in a sunbeam”

Iron Bull’s armor is leather. His loose pantaloons and leather boots give him agility to charge

On DAI in particular, concept artists took special care to make sure costumes would be realistic, at least in a practical ‘this obeys the laws of physics and textiles’ sense. “While on Inquisition, we thought about cosplay from a concept art perspective. Given how incredible a lot of [cosplays] are, I now am not worried about them. In fact in some cases in the future I want to throw them curveballs like, ‘All right, you clever bastards. Let’s see if you can do this!’”

2 geese that nested on the office building and had chicks were named Ganders and Arishonk (it wasn’t known who was the mom or the dad). Other possible names were Carver Honke, Bethany Honke, Urdnot Pecks, Quackwall, Cassandra Pentagoose, the Iron Bill, Shepbird, Garroose, Admiral Quackett, Scout Honking, HChick-47 and Darth Malgoose

Bug report: “The surprising adventures of Ser Noodles!” DAI was the first time the series had a mount feature, meaning this had a lot of bugs. A lot of the teams’ favorite bugs were to do with the mounts. There was a period of time where the Inquisitor’s horse seemed to lose all bone and muscle in its legs. They had a week or so where all quadruped legs were broken. It was a bit noticeable in things like nugs and other small beasties but the horse was insanely obvious. “The first time we summoned the horse [for this] and started running around, the entire QA exploration room just exploded with laughter.” Its legs flapped around like cooked fettucine, leading testers to lovingly nickname it Ser Noodles. At galloping speeds the legs almost looked like helicopter blades, especially when footage was set to classic pieces such as Wagner’s Flight of the Valkyries

For DAI the artists were asked questions like “What would Morrigan wear to a formal ball? Can Cassandra pull off a jaunty hat?”

On DAI storyboarding became the norm. John Epler: “Cinematic design for the longest time was the Wild West. It was ‘here’s a bunch of content, now do it however you want’, which resulted in some successes and some failures.” Storyboarding gave designers a consistent visual blueprint based on ideas from designers, writers and concept artists

Quote from a storyboard by Nick Thornborrow (the Inquisitor going into the party at the end of basegame sequence): “Until Corypheus revealed himself they could not see the single hand behind the chaos. A magister and a darkspawn combined. The ultimate evil. So evil. Eviler than puppy-killers and egg farts combined.”

A general note on concept art:

In the early stages of any project, before the concept artists are aware of any writing, they like to just draw what they think cool story moments could be. It’s not unusual for the team to then be inspired by these and fold them into the game as the project progresses

– From Bioware: Stories and Secrets from 25 Years of Game Development

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