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tails-boogie-board · 2 years ago

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My Sonic Underground au, ft. Tails

Bc ofc it features Tails. Anyway this got away from me, like majorly, whoops. This is my attempt to squeeze it into the 'main' canon with the games 'n all but have it feel cohesive.

OKAY SO the rough summary is that in Sonic Underground, things were Bad and the war started even earlier, leaving the triplets at 10. They’re young and unprepared and things shift outside the original show.

Sonic ends up meeting the Oracle early and alone. He gives Sonic a choice: to keep fighting as is; or to win, but cease who is. Sonic asks if he can meet in the middle, but the Oracle just states that there is no victory without sacrifice. Sonic thinks of his family and the people hurt and their mother and the best way to win is a guaranteed win, even if he’s not here for it, and takes option B; and an unknown hedgehog wakes up on an unknown island with an unknown name. Miles away, a man wakes up without memories, but a lust for power.

Meanwhile, Sonic goes missing in the night and days after, they hear that Robotnik is dead –or missing, or gone, there is no distinction and every rumor Manic hears is different. Even with the timing, they refuse to think that Sonic is dead, even if it feels like lying.

Sonic and the Oracle made a deal, one the Oracle had seen times and times ago. Both Robotnik and Sonic would lose their memories, not just of the war Robotropolis and Mobotropolis, but of their own past and everything in between. Along with this, they would be compelled to never see the land again. If only one returned then the majority of the spell would remain intact, but if they both did, the magic would be broken and both sets of memories would return

To use the magic, Sonic sacrificed his amulet and as of the au, it acts as the direct connection linking Sonic and Robotnik’s memories to Robo/Mobotropolis.

And thus, neither of them remember this.

The hedgehog wakes up on what he learns is Christmas Island surrounded by birds and the softest grass he’s ever known. He doesn’t know the language and has very untreated trauma and PTSD. He hangs around for a bit and heals and he’s young and curious and it all feels so new and foreign and nature is so beautiful and he’s so fast!

One day, he sees a man attacking his friends and capturing the other animals on the island. Instinct kicks in and it overpowers the fear. He’s fast and he can fight and defend and anticipation runs up his quills and it all feels right. He wins, saves his friends, beats the man and in the chaos, Eggman flees and Sonic chases. He finds a plane and then a little brother and the rest is history.

Back with Sonia and Manic, as time passes, they meet their mother and slowly regain control over the kingdom. 5 years go by, and Mobotropolis isn’t what it was, and never will be; but their scientists have learned how to clean the tar-stained buildings and pull the toxins out of the soil and there are saplings scattered across the city. The city finally has the resources to connect with the outside world and imports are finally trickling in –exports are harder but steel and metal is abundant and they don’t care who they trade with.

And then one day, Manic sits in front of the TV and he’s been keeping track of the dates, he had ever since he was a little kid, and after strife and war he’s finally gonna see the EX World Grand Prix and the first fucking thing he sees is Sonic (who gets a dicey first place).

So everyone naturally starts going crazy and the monarchy sends out people to find him, but no dice. Sonic doesn’t stay anywhere and no one knows where he lives, he just appears when there is some event and then disappears after. Cut to Bartleby who takes it upon himself to bring the prince home and regain some of the respect his family, and Sonia, had for him. He has objectively worse luck and spends the majority of time on dead trails and unknowingly missing Sonic by minutes.

Meanwhile, the siblings are getting impatient and their mother seems ambivalent at best so they decide to go find him themselves. They’re drawn in the same direction and after looking at a map, they decide to head to Central City because it’s big and in the right direction and what other leads to they have. They sneak out in the night, but in the palace walls, their mother watches, but turns away when they look back.

Cut to Sonic, who is enjoying a lull between adventures and Eggman takeovers. Everything is peaceful and nice and past weird. After double-checking around, he and Tails determine that Eggman is MIA, and has been for about 2 weeks which isn’t much time to make anything other than maybe some low level bots…which honestly, not a bad time for a vacation!

Jump to Tails and Sonic running off on an old school adventure, no Tornado, no chaos emeralds, just their own feet and tails. They’re having a blast being tourists, stopping various Eggman atrocities, some are wandering robots and some seem like some half-baked scheme ‘still in beta’, as Tails puts it. Meanwhile, Sonic’s been having some weird thoughts lately and his dreams are full of people he can’t remember. But he sees the buildings and pollution and fire and assumes its stress dreams and pushes a little harder on their travels. He’s not sure where they’re going, but he always follows the wind.

Back to the triplets minus one, Sonia and Manic are in a random village and okay this traveling thing kinda sucks. They only transportation they have is some of Robotnik’s old machines and they’re cumbersome, fuel hungry, bulky, and are all-in-all, terrible. They do what they can to avoid them and walk on their own, and desperately miss their bus and even the palace; they’re not unused to hardships and hunger, but man it was nice to not have it.

By pure chance, during a break in a small town, and small was putting it lightly, they see a streak of blue. They chase after it and they don’t see the blur, but they do see a fox who somehow out runs them before they can stop him. The next day, they’re despondent, but they see the town has a hotdog stand and specializes in chilidogs. Much to their surprise, and not-surprise, they find that fox again, who is sitting on a table, waiting for his food.

They approach Tails, who gets suspicious when they ask about Sonic, but he doesn’t play dumb. Manic is nearly in tears and is babbling how he needs to take them to him and they’re family. Tails' food is called, 7 chilidogs and a chicken sandwich, but Sonia stops him from leaving like, “just pass him a message please.” Tails is sus but agrees, Sonis passes him a pre-written note and Tails leaves, and then promptly reads it on the way back to camp.

(Sonia and Manic talk about Tails and his mutation when he leaves. Due to the pollution on Robotropolis, they’re used to mutations but they’ve never seen one that severe. They’re sympathetic, but their language is demeaning, Sonia more than Manic.) Something to note is that they don’t know he can fly.

The note is flowery and written on weird paper. It’s not cryptic, but it’s assuming a lot of info Tails doesn’t know and doesn’t think Sonic knows either. He reaches camp, gives Sonic the chilidogs and the note. Sonic reads it and freezes, just staring off into the distance, dog half bitten, as those distant dreams become a bit clearer and he finally has names to put to those faces.

Tails is concerned when he snaps him out if it, and ravenous, Sonic devours the rest of his dinner. He tells Tails that they’re important to him, but he can’t remember why. They talk about what to do for the night and Sonic wants to meet them ASAP, but the note didn’t say how to. So they decide to figure it out in the morning. Right before they go to bed, Sonic snaps up, startling Tails, and tells him that they’re his siblings and tells him what he can remember, mostly vague, hazy things about siblings and a mom.

Sonic’s memories are fuzzy and he passes out quickly and while he doesn’t remember his dreams, he wakes up in a cold sweat with feeling of smoke in his lungs. It’s early day and Tails is gone. Sonic has about 60-70% his memory back.

Cut to Tails, who didn’t sleep great tbh, but the second it hit dawn, he was up. Sonic had family and Tails ignores the pit in his stomach and is determined to fix this! The note suddenly makes much more sense and if Sonic really does have parents and a mom, then Tails is gonna reunite them.

So he goes into town and after an hour of looking, he ends up back at the currently-closed chilidog stand where he finds them loitering and in hindsight that seems obvious. He tells them that he’s gonna bring them to Sonic and they’re elated and follow him down to the path to their camp.

But Sonic crashes into them first, having gone to look for Tails. There is a heartfelt reunion, though it’s clearly more on Sonia and Manic’s side that Sonic. “We’re your siblings!” and stuff. They get breakfast at another stand and talk. Sonic introduces Tails as the “coolest, nerdiest, smartest fox best friend anyone could have.”

Sonia and Manic tell Sonic about their home and mother and their relationship, but specifically omit info because they don’t want to scare him off. They convince him to come back home and shockingly, Sonic agrees. Privately, Tails asks him if he’s sure and Sonic says that he has a feeling that’s where they need to be.

Time skip!

They bring Sonic and Tails to their plane and take off towards Mobotropolis.

Tails is in awe of the plane and Manic and Sonia think it’s because it’s so big and advanced and like nothing on Mobius or that the kid has ever seen. However, dramatic irony, Tails is in awe because it’s so old and archaic. It’s hilariously outdated and it’s like being in a time capsule. He can see hints of Eggman and the rudimentary inspiration for his current designs, but he doesn’t consciously recognize it.

His awe plus his size plus his general kid-ness leads them to think that Tails is just some kid Sonic hangs out with and watches. Like some weird charity/ ‘babysitting your partner/besties kid brother’ thing, even if it doesn’t make sense with what they’ve seen.

Then Sonic calls Tails ‘Little Bro’ on habit and that won’t cause problems later at all; spoilers, Manic and Tails are both jealous, but it stems from different places. Manic thinks it’s because he subconsciously missed them and feels hurt at the replacement while Tails’ chronic insecurity pops up.

Now that they have them trapped on a plane, and not aware of Sonic’s escape room tricks or Tails’…everything, they start to let more secrets out. They imply that Tails shouldn’t be in the room to hear this and Sonic shuts them down and tells them that if want to tell him something, then they should just say it now –with the implication that Sonic will just tell Tails anyway.

So they tell Sonic that he’s actually a prince and that they’re all royalty and Sonic is, “No thank you, I don’t want it, take it back. I’m good, thanks.” Tails finds it hilarious.

They continue to treat Tails like a kid and it gets old fast and Tails is being thr bigger man and it sucks.

The flight lasts over a day and no one is happy. Tails wants to go to the cockpit and see if he can speed it up, but Sonia refuses and says its autopilot anyway –which is true to be fair. Eventually Tails ‘gives up’, but goes to the engine room to find a guide to the motherboard to to follow the wires to do it himself.

Meanwhile, Sonic and his siblings keep clashing in ways that are both equally familiar and new. Sonic may have memories of them, but they feel more like dreams and he’s not the person he remembers, or the brother they remember; and to him, their lives are, well not inconsequential, but feel less real than his 'current' one.

They have already gotten into the same fight twice: why Sonic left, despite Sonic not having any answers either. There is heaviness in the ship and this is fight number 3 in less than 2 hours. The tension builds, but shatters as Tails runs back onto the deck. He’s talking a mile a minute how this ship is Eggman’s but it’s not and it’s older, and Sonia and Manic are lost but Sonic is clearly worried. Sonia notices that the worried crease in his forehead is the same.

Tails gestures for them to follow him and takes off running, Sonic is on his heels and Sonia and Manic are left behind, even as they run –it is lampshaded.

Tails takes them to the cockpit and walks in, clearly having hacked it earlier. Sonia isn’t happy and they still see Tails as some kid and they’re frustrated he’s bothering them when they were busy. Tails flies up to interact with something up high, a series of pipes and a cryptic sigil which makes Sonic’s eyes widen. He’s suddenly balanced on the headrest of the pilots chair and... was he always that fast. Tails and Sonic are discussing something and Sonia and Manic are lost and holy shit the kid can fly??????

The rest of the trip remains awkward as they realize both sides are hiding secrets. Sonic tries to make peace and let bygones be bygones and start new. Sonia isn't about that and just wants everything like it used to be. But, unlike the Sonic that Sonia remembers, he doesn’t rise to the bait or join conflict, and deflects or shuts it down. No one knows how to communicate or what to say; it’s clearly an 'us versus them.'

They find a common ground in war and they talk about their adventures for a bit, but neither party realize Eggman and Robotnik are the same. To Sonia and Manic, Tails should be in a sanctuary or somewhere with other little kids to be protected and they don’t doubt he’s capable but he’s a little kid! Sonic casually defends him.

After this, Manic confronts Sonic about Tails as his brother and his jealously and Sonic tells him to grow up. Tails is his own person and so is Manic, neither are a replacement. Tails is younger and smart and techy, but he’s not Manic and Sonic doesn’t like the implication that he either picked Tails up as a replacement or that Sonic was desperate that he forced it on him. He bluntly tells Manic that Tails was a little kid that needed help and Manic didn’t, they’re the same age, and the situations are so contextually different that being jealous is insane. They’re different people and, “he needed me in ways that you don't.”

Manic doesn’t get over it, but he does try to be nicer to Tails and tries to work through his jealousy. Sonic does privately think that he got on so well with Amy because she subconsciously reminded him of Sonia.

As they get closer to the city, the pollution gets worse and Tails and Sonic feel awful and it’s harder for Tails to fly without clean air. The majority of the skyline is still bleak, but Sonia and Manic imply that Robotnik is fully in the past but neither Sonic nor Tails believe it; they’re used to Eggman, and while they still don’t know they’re one in the same, they’re used to this sort of game.

Eventually they reach the kingdom’s borders and Sonic passes out as the magic completely collapses and the Oracle’s spell snaps. He wakes up with both sets of memories just in time to land, and if Sonic has his memories, then Eggman does too.

So now they’re all in Mobotropolis and I’m not sure what happens next but oof.

Notes:

Alena knew about the deal, which is why she never tried to find Sonic or his 'body'.

Eggman going MIA was him going to Mobotropolis, but he didn’t get his memories back until Sonic reached the border

Yes, Bartleby is still looking for Sonic, no one told him - he is actively doing this about 90% of the story.

Sonia and Manic think Sonic is irresponsible with Tails because he lets him roam wherever with minimal supervision

#sonic #sonic underground #sonic the hedgehog #sonia the hedgehog #manic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #tails the fox #sonic hedgehog #bc i know my lore #my writing #this is...a lot and long #and nothing really happens #but thats my writing style tbh #ur boi loves their details #yes i take questions thank u for coming to my ted talk #Fanfic #Sonic underground au

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theoreticslut · 3 years ago

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「 saltwater kisses 」

penelope garcia x fem reader

summary: when penelope is having a moment, you come to the rescue with plenty of kisses & reassuring words.

requested: yes

word count: 0.7k

warnings: cm spoilers!, heavy use of pet names, crying, mentions of death & car accidents

a/n: ahhh this fic makes me so soft. i’m not really sure its any good, but it makes my heart happy. to be able to comfort penelope would be a dream - solely bc shes such a cupcake and to see her sad makes me sad. anyways, i hope you guys like this! ♥

“Pen, what’s happened, sugar-bee?” You ask as you walk into your girlfriend’s office to find her sniffling.

“N-nothing. I’m okay.”

She immediately tries to wipe her tears away and hide from you, but both of you know you're not one to let things like this slide.

“Penelope Garcia, my girlfriend is crying and I need to know why so I can help fix it.”

“It’s just, I think I ruined things with my brother. I messed up really bad, and I - I don’t think he’s ever going to want to talk to me again.” She croaks, trying so hard to swallow her tears.

“Oh honey, I’m sorry. Come here.” You coo, opening your arms up for the woman even though you’re walking to her in her desk chair.

As she pushes herself back from her desk, though, you sit on her lap, practically straddling her as you pull her into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, Penny. I know how much your brothers mean to you.” You pout, leaning back to look at your beautiful girl, her arms holding you up.

“Did you make the decision you felt you needed to at least? Even if your brother doesn’t agree with it?”

“I did. I-I finally forgave that drunk driver that hit my parents. I-I realized that he’s not the one to be blamed, at least not anymore. I can’t keep being angry at him when I was the reason they were out.”

You frown as she starts to tear up again, and being her girlfriend - and a profiler - you know that she’s taking all the blame now.

“Hon, you can’t blame yourself either. You were a kid, and we make dumb choices when we’re kids.” You start, softly kissing her cheeks where her tears have left small tracks.

“But I-“

“No. Yes, you were out late, but your parents made the choice to go out looking for you. They cared for you and wanted to make sure you were safe - which you are.”

“It is not your fault - any of it. You were out, but they made the decision to go out looking for you, and that guy made the decision to drive after drinking.”

“It was simply just a collision of decisions, sugar-bee. You’re not the one that made them go out that night - that was their choice, okay?” You ask, hoping your words get through to her and she actually takes them to heart.

You can’t stand to see her beating herself up over her parents’ death. It was a tragedy, but it was in no way her fault.

“But they were looking for me.” She nearly whispers, and you feel your heart breaking all over for her.

“Honey, look at me. You did not make your parents’ choices. You were not in their heads telling them to go out and look for you. They decided to do that on their own.”

“Who would you blame if they had gone out for a movie and got in a crash instead? No drunk driver, no little Penelope having been out past curfew, but just them going out for a movie and crashed on the way home? Would you blame yourself then?”

“Well, no, but-“

“But what? They’re different situations? Of course they are, honey. No situation is ever going to be the same as the one that happened that night.” You begin to debate.

“If they hadn’t gone out and looked for you, and thus never got hit, then that’d be a different situation than what happened, too. Nothing can change about what happened without making it a different situation, Penelope. It’s awful what happened, but sometimes all we can do is learn to live with it. Things happen to others, regardless of what we do, because everyone makes their own choices.”

You watch her after your little speech, noticing the way her eyes are still full of sadness but her tears are drying up.

“I know it’s a hard situation to live with, honey, but that’s all you can do.” You murmur, wiping at the last few tears on her cheeks before kissing their remnants.

“I love you, y/n. Have I told you that?” She questions, watching you.

“A few times, but I always love to hear it.” You smile, drawing a little laugh out of your girlfriend.

“I love you times a million, Penelope. You own my heart, and always will, I’m sure.”

—————————————————————

criminal minds taglist 🏷

@eunoia-kth @omghufflepuff @goddessofdawns @jrj2 @luvshack @axen-gers @mollysolo @teenwolfbitches28 @perfectlysane24 @kitkatkaitin

#criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #cm fanfic #criminal minds angst #cm angst #criminal minds fluff #cm fluff #criminal minds spoilers #cm spoilers #penelope garcia #penelope garcia x reader #penelope garcia fluff

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ootahime · 4 years ago

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analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga 😈

this series will probably have more than one part because tumblr only lets me upload ten images per post </3

warning: there are disgustingly long paragraphs in here and delusions

chapter 32

utahime’s first introduction! akutami lets us know right off the bat that she thinks gojo is an idiot (so true).

chapter 32

i love the contrast between miwa and utahime’s reaction to gojo’s appearance.

chapter 33

NAH BC TELL ME WHY HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO NOT GET HER ONE LMAOOOO!! when he traveled overseas to meet with yuta, he picked up the tribal protection charms and thought to himself, “let’s get enough for the kyoto students as a gift since i am such a great and caring teacher, after all. mmm, i should skip utahime to make her mad~” this guy puts way too much effort into getting on her nerves. his mind = utahime brainrot

chapter 33

she’s laughing at him here because he’s getting disciplined for being a lil shit. i wonder...what would he say if he saw her laughing at him like that?

chapter 33

this interaction between them is a little strange don’t you think? i feel like over the years he’s learned how to pick up her mood based on the way she’s acting towards him. you’re probably thinking, “well any person can figure out how a person’s feeling based on the way they’re talking or acting.” yes, that’s absolutely true, but it’s kind of different with this. she’s acting normal. utahime has a rather indifferent expression on her face and what she says is spoken in a calm tone, but gojo still asks her if she’s mad at him. it’s likely that he knows her well enough to be able to notice these subtle things. even if she wasn’t actually mad at him, he was being considerate for a split second, then he went and said, “of course. i didn’t do anything wrong and all.” what a guy LOLOL. to me, this implies that maybe he made her genuinely angry in the past to the point where he realized that he went too far, and thus decided to be more careful of her feelings. she has definitely gotten annoyed at him so many times after that so whenever she seems angry, he probably asks himself if he took it too far. i’m curious to see if he can pick up if she’s upset with something that’s not involving him. would he console her? how does gojo satoru console someone?

despite him always annoying her, she’s still courteous and brings him a cup of tea during their talk. she didn’t have to go out of her way to get tea for him but she did. that’s the kind of person utahime is. a kind and caring woman who would never put her students in danger. in the anime they were sitting far away and not facing each other like they’re doing in the manga. she also has her own tea cup. i think that little panel of her placing the cup down on the table and him picking it up to take a sip is a nice little detail. it just proves that her hating him most of the time isn’t actually pure hatred but annoyance because of his shenanigans and teasing.

chapter 33

i touched upon this a little bit in my previous post, but i wish to go more in depth about this panel. first of all, he ends the sentence with her name twice. two times too many, mr. gojo. i like how they can be serious with each other too LOL. i wish we got to see them talk about the traitors because they did figure it out together after all. does it always end in bickering? can they interact with each other like adults all the way through? somehow, i feel like that’s not possible when it comes to these two. furthermore, notice how gojo confides in utahime about his suspicions. from what we know, she is the first person he brought it up to. i mean, i guess he has to start investigating the schools and would need extra assistance to save time, but he could have done it himself if he really wanted to. by deciding to ask for her help we know that he thinks she’s trustworthy, smart, and strong enough to face whatever considerable risks this task may entail.

i didn’t point this out in my other posts but see how he makes a hand sign in the last panel when she throws the cup at him? gojo is manually activating his infinity. why though? about a year after the whole star plasma vessel incident happened, gojo develops the ability to keep his infinity up at all times by using the reversed curse technique to consistently heal himself to prevent exhaustion. this means that it really makes no difference whether he leaves it on or off. there are a few times where we can witness someone actually touching gojo. for example, yuuji giving him a hug. did he turn his infinity off, or was it able to deduce that yuuji was not a threat? the erasers and pencils shoko and geto threw at him during his demonstration of his new ability aren’t dangerous normally, but is it the speed that makes them dangerous? even if it did hit him, it wouldn’t hurt. how does the infinity know when to allow an incoming object to touch gojo? i believe it is up to gojo himself to let things touch him; his infinity restricts anything and anyone. some people say it could just be the fact that water is not dangerous to him, so therefore, he has to manually put his infinity up. i thought this was a reasonable explanation as to why he put up the hand sign when the tea was thrown at him, but then i realized that it couldn’t be. remember the second opening? it’s raining and everyone is carrying an umbrella, then it pans to gojo with a bouquet in his hand and rain drops slipping off his infinity. if he DID manually put his infinity up to prevent getting soaked then that implies that he chose to turn his infinity off. you can argue and say that jujutsu high is a safe place with students so there’s no need to have his infinity there, but do you remember when he stepped on the ants in front of gakuganji and yaga? the ants were perfectly fine after which insinuates that his infinity prevented his shoes from crushing the ants. he most likely had his infinity on during the baseball game even though he was in a safe environment. how does this long tangent relate back to utahime? well, it simply indicates that gojo trusts utahime so much to the point where he can be vulnerable around her. turning off his infinity symbolizes completely letting down his guard in a way.

how about what happens next? utahime throws the tea at him, he turns on his infinity to deflect it, and he responds with, “scary! hysteric women aren’t popular, you know!” why would he even say that LMAO?? utahime doesn’t even try to deny what he said either. she just hits him with the good old, “i am your senpai!” could it be that he’s trying to poke fun of her relationship status? maybe, maybe not. doesn’t he like people a lil crazy? he did say that all jujutsu sorcerers have to be a little crazy because they’re willing to put themselves in danger constantly.

chapter 0 p.1

i wonder who he’s thinking of when he said that. could it be utahime? it seems like he’s reminiscing or thinking about someone. he wears an amused expression on his face as he laughs - almost like he’s seen his fair share of how scary women can get :>>

chapter 34

the pattern behind gojo and utahime is called yagasuri “fletching,” a traditional japanese design. this design is inspired by arrow fletching. it's a lucky charm for weddings and other celebrations since it's based on the Japanese belief that an arrow shot once never comes back. brides were given kimonos with this pattern for good luck during the edo era (1603–1868) to ensure they would not have to return to their original family home. this pattern can have numerous meanings such as steadfastness or determination to achieve a goal, or a wish for the happiness of the bride. there is a belief that a bow and arrow represent the fight against evil. honestly, this meaning fits the narrative of the story. utahime and gojo are unearthing the traitors that are feeding intel to the curse users and cursed spirits. they are in the middle while the kyoto students surround them, which could mean that it’s their job as adults to protect these children from the grasps of evil slowly making itself more prominent. do you also notice that the arrows are pointed toward utahime from gojo? from all the images i’ve seen, the arrows are usually pointed downward. what could this mean? is gojo trying to protect her (in the future (?)) or does he have a big fat crush smh...

i think it’s a good time to mention utahime’s clothing. she’s wearing miko attire. miko are shrine maidens who were once thought to be shamans (you connecting the dots?). in their service to shrines, miko used to perform spirit possession and takusen (in which the possessed person acts as a "medium" (yorimashi) to communicate the divine will or message of that kami (god) or spirit; also included in the category of takusen is "dream revelation" (mukoku), in which a kami appears in a dream to communicate its will). this was back in the old days, of course. to become a miko back then (shaman), one needed to have potential. neurosis, hallucinations, odd behavior, and hysteria (HYSTERIA HELLO???) are some of the signs that a person is being called to shamanism. when a miko is communicating with a kami (god) or spirit by acting as a medium, she is in a trance-like state, and so she must learn techniques to control herself when this happens. chanting and dancing were used to accomplish this, so the girl was taught melodies and intonations that were used in songs, prayers, and magical formulas. all of this could give us insight about utahime’s technique and explains why she’s good at singing :) maybe she can’t control herself when she uses her technique which is why she isn’t shown using it because it should be used for dire situations. i imagine being possessed by a spirit or god must consume a lot of cursed energy. it makes sense that utahime and gakuganji wear traditional clothing. they’re the staff of jujutsu high’s kyoto branch. in chapter 0, kyoto is known as the sacred land of jujutsu. it’s more traditional compared to tokyo. if you want to learn more about miko, you should check out the wikipedia page!

chapter 34

i swear he tries to annoy her every chance he gets. i bet he sets a goal for himself to see how many times utahime lectures him about respecting his seniors every time he’s within the same vicinity as her. at least he called her utahime-sensei!!!

chapter 40

this isn’t even a gojohime moment tbh...i just wanted to share a pic of them sitting next to each other HEHE. why are they sitting next to each other anyway? it’s not like they have assigned seating.

----

that was so long and i apologize for the gargantuan paragraphs you guys had to read through. i’m writing this at 4 in the morning and i’m feeling borderline delirious so i apologize if there are any errors. i’ll edit this when i have time <3

the next part should come shortly.

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

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gay-snom · 4 years ago

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contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3

#its My post and i get to pick the subplot #i have...brainworms #wwx and lwj are foils in the public image theme change my mind #mdzs #mdzs meta #lan wangji #mo dao zu shi #stfu #meta

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sukiglycerin · 4 years ago

Text

dolce (sweetly, softly, gently)

* pairing: accompanist/violinist!katsuki bakugou x violinist!reader (gender neutral!) ft kamijirou

* genre: fluff, kinda angst, enemies to lovers, classical musician au hehe

* words: 9.5k (holy crap, this was a rollercoaster to write)

* warnings: swearing bc not only does bakugou exist, he is a prominent character, brief viola/second violinist jokes (reader’s words not mine), poor rosins being dropped :(

* a/n: SO this is very late for @prettysetterbaby‘s v-day collab!! pls check out all the other talented writers involved >< jj is an ANGEL for putting up with me being late T_T there’s some violin terminology in here but it’s fine if you don’t understand it! more notes at the end aha

* playlist (spotify in source link): violin sonata no.9, op.47 in a major “kreutzer” (beethoven) ; liebesfreud (kriesler) ; violin partita no.3 in e major (bach) ; duo concertante for 2 violins no.3 in d-sharp major, op.57 (beriot) ; clair de lune (debussy) ; duo for 2 violins in d-major, op.67, no.2 (spohr) ; 24 caprices op.1, no.24 in a minor (paganini)

* synopsis: being a soloist is not made easy by your new accompanist, bakugou. you step on each other’s toes when playing - but that’s alright, he’s just a pianist. you’re separated in your two worlds of musical instruments, until one day, you’re not. bakugou traverses over realms like a simple string crossing, and there’s a lot more he’s brought with him.

a double stop in violin is a technique in which two notes are played simultaneously. played correctly, one violin playing two notes should sound like two violins playing separate notes. if your life was a violin, you only needed double stops to play it. you'd perfected the art of being alone, playing the parts of two in your sad solo sonata. you were so, so sure you could compose and play for the whole orchestra - a symphony that would surely please the audience.

you were wrong. after all, a double stop has its limits as well, impossible to play with an interval of larger than a tenth. you were content with your double stops and playing by yourself. this was how you won countless competitions - what good would changing anything be?

you were born a soloist, or that's what your parents would say. you never followed the crowd, sticking to your own mind and doing what was true to you. you never worked well in an orchestra setting (and who knew what would become of you if you ever landed in second violin!). thus, you became a soloist, determined to keep the spotlight on you. it was you and your perfection that kept the eyes of the audience transfixed; you were desperate to keep their focus enraptured by every slight movement of your bow, every shift in finger position on the fingerboard. you wanted them to follow every dynamic and tempo change like their life depended on it, feel their emotion spark the moment your bow pressed a string. you were the only one on stage, an entertainer and an artist to the audience. you brought joy and sorrow through key changes and wonder through glissandos and held suspense with every tremolo. the audience was yours for an entire piece, for a story, for a lifetime.

oh, and there was the accompanist. what was his name again? batsugou? bakugou. the last part was a joke, of course. you'd never forget the man who ruined your first recital overseas.

katsuki bakugou was quickly made your accompanist after the previous one quit last minute and schedule clashes between any other potential candidates rendered them unable to travel with you. no one in their right mind would've come along on a plane to play a piano accompaniment for you. indeed, bakugou was not in his right mind. his name was prominent locally, an orchestral prodigy with the gift of perfect pitch since the tender age of thirteen. he never ventured internationally, though given the chance multiple times to do so. you could never understand why he never took any of the opportunities. you'd jump at any chance of expanding your musical horizons and performing for a larger audience, so it frustrated you to see someone with such potential to throw away possibly beneficial opportunities. not that you really paid much attention to him, anyway. bakugou was a pianist, and you were a violinist. you only cared about competition, not those with blessings you could only dream of achieving.

the months leading to your recital, bakugou had gone quiet. well, you didn't know him personally, so it was news of him that had gone practically radio silent. he was no longer featured in news articles or even pinned on bulletin boards for upcoming recitals. there were no updates from him on social media, too. not that you really paid attention, anyway. he was a prodigy, gifted naturally with talent, and you were a violinist.

an ambitious violinist, at that. you had dreams to perform anywhere out of the stifling air of japan. even to fly a short distance to south korea would be amazing, because it meant you'd be outside of japan. you worked towards this goal tirelessly. you dreamed of stepping on a plane, violin case in your right hand and your dreams in another, to fly to another country and perform. you wished to see the talent beyond your own bubble and feel the music resonate in an auditorium in a different way than it did in japan.

one day, that dream was realized. your violin case in one hand and dreams in another, you boarded the plane flying out of japan full of hope and the faith that good days were coming. while yes, you didn't expect to step out of that plane with anyone but your old accompanist, momo, bakugou's presence comforted you in the foreign atmosphere. for the first ten minutes, he said not a word to you but made it a point to speak to everyone else he could in what seemed like very convincingly fluent english.

to which you finally mustered up the courage to say, in japanese, "i thought you didn't travel internationally."

his japanese voice was a comforting sound. "i don't. this is my first time out of japan."

you stared at him like he just said he ate babies for breakfast (which seemed just as astronomically insane as him never stepping foot out of japan).

"but-" you stuttered. "your english is so good?"

"only because you can't understand it."

to be fair, he had a point. you could only say the basics, like, "hi," "how are you?", "i'm fine, and you?," and the ever-so useful, "do you speak japanese? my english is not good." he appeared to never use any of these phrases, so he was a god in english compared to you.

it was a miracle you navigated out of the airport with your luggage in hand and a general idea of how to get to the hotel you'd booked. you're not going to talk about the events in the hotel, though. sharing a bed with bakugou was a whole different story that consisted of him complaining about your phone usage at eleven pm and you complaining about his lack of sufficient english skills to be able to get the right hotel room (which he'd retort by saying "at least i speak english!").

the path to your first international competition was rocky, so understandably by the day of the performance, your metaphorical feet were sore and you only had water on your metaphorical mind. that is to say, you hadn't practiced with bakugou once until the day before the performance. said rehearsal was cut short due to misunderstandings as a result of bakugou's apparent not-so-fluency in english. you felt bad for him at this point.

and then you were up on stage, violin in one hand, bow in the other, and arms full of your childhood aspirations. also, definitely not prepared enough. you glanced once at bakugou before beginning and he looked confident enough. the lesson you learned that day was that looks can be deceiving.

something you could remember quite clearly was the way the spotlight shined on the varnish of your instrument as you held it, propped between your chin and shoulder. you focused on this shine before taking a deep breath, closing your eyes, and praying muscle memory would take over and you'd play the piece faithfully to the score.

you liked to think your playing was accurate. you, the soloist, were the main focus of the piece. the accompaniment made the piece richer and fuller, complementing the violin beautifully while keeping attention on said violin. the thing was, bakugou, like you, played like a soloist.

the performance was like a fight, and sadly not the graceful kind you'd see in a ballet. it was gory and a nuance to the ears, melodic tinkling of the piano becoming tears of a soldier dying in combat. at parts, you clashed by overshadowing the other by playing too loudly. sometimes it was you, and sometimes it was bakugou. it was a merciless game of tag; bakugou would be running to keep up with your playing; once achieving so, you were forced to start chasing after him. you can't exactly remember if he played well, though. for certain, he was not in sync with you, but you were mainly too preoccupied with your own playing to pay attention to his. listening to the recording of the performance, you were unable to evaluate his quality of playing properly, and thus, he remained your accompanist even when you returned to japan.

(actually, the biggest reason he stayed your accompanist was because of your classical musician friends' nagging. they were all in complete awe that the famous soloist, katsuki bakugou, had offered to be your accompanist, and begged for an autograph. of course, you declined.)

you figured that like you, bakugou was a soloist. he wasn't fit to assist your playing, far more suited to his own solos to entrance the audience with only his playing. being a soloist, he played like one too - that's simply how things worked. this understanding of him, though, still couldn't stop you from harbouring a small grudge against him for ruining your international debut.

and then there was the man himself, all standoffish and rough in words and persona. obscenities had no hesitation coming (thrust!) from his mouth. he yelled brashly and frequently and it astonished you that he was a classical musician, as most of your friends of the classical music profession were typically on the quiet, softer spoken side. those that were extroverts were optimistically so, in far contrast to bakugou, who you'd expect from looks alone to be playing in some heavy metal band. it was scary to hear his renditions of debussy's dreamy, serendipitous pieces when over your earbuds, he was yelling at some guy named "shitty hair" on his phone. you were curious how he looked recording the piece.

you didn't typically communicate, though. conversation, which only ever existed during rehearsal, was a question from you and a clipped grunt in response. there was nothing else to your relation; he played his part, and you played yours. sometimes you did this simultaneously, but it was as if you were playing two completely different things. performance, according to your friends, was now stilted. this was partially the reason you stopped listening to recorded performances. it wasn’t even like you’d ever derived pleasure from listening to them - you only nitpicked your mistakes.

your old accompanist, momo, on the other hand, was an absolute angel. she was kind, polite, and skilled on the piano, fingers dancing over the keys like a graceful ballet. you fit well with her; each performance was like a delightful conversation between friends, pleasant on the ears and twinkling with joy and laughter. with her, every performance felt like something resembling victory, even if it wasn’t a competition. to you, winning the audience’s gaze was enough.

then again, you didn't feel that you could judge quite yet. momo was your accompanist for years, and you could barely remember how the two of you sounded when you first started out. bakugou had been your accompanist for mere months (though it did feel much, much longer considering how frustrating he could be). you couldn't understand why he became your accompanist at all.

opposites. it was an accurate representation of your relationship with bakugou. he was a pianist, you weren't. he was a prodigy, you weren't. he was blessed with talent, you weren't. there was nothing to talk to him about, obviously, because of these dividing factors.

the longer you knew him, the more your disdain for the man grew. at rehearsals, it always felt like your performances were about him, him, and him. he was the star piano player, of course. he hadn't volunteered to be your accompanist as a sense of "stepping down"; no, no, rather, he was flaunting his piano playing with a violin playing in the background. he played perfectly. for a soloist.

as time passed, these frustrations with him became more and more apparent. you became acutely aware of how his performance would outshine your own, and it sickened you. slowly, the quality of your own performances took a nosedive. if the piece was originally pianissimo, you'd take it up to piano (then, if bakugou increased his volume, forte). if the tempo was andante and he was playing moderato, you'd play allegro. it was a competition at this point - instigated by him, of course. you were just upping the ante, even if it meant sacrificing your own artistry.

a lot of people warned you of what would happen, but you ignored them. the fierce competition you felt between you and bakugou caused your own downfall as a musician. slowly, gigs stopped trickling in, like a faucet being shut off. you blamed this on bakugou. ("i was international before him. now, i can barely get a gig in musutafu! why does everyone think he's so great?" you had fumed over the phone to jirou, your old roommate from university. she asked you if you had even listened to him play.)

you were scrambling for places to perform at this point. (“fire him,” the very unhelpful hagakure told you. you didn’t know what you were thinking when you asked her, a violist in a local orchestra. it wasn’t like she ever got a solo.) you’d seriously considered doing so, but came up empty when looking for another accompanist. online forums and friends’ connections could only do so much. they were all either unavailable during rehearsal schedules or inadequate in terms of adapting to the music given.

“you need to try working together with him,” jirou advised you one day over the phone.

“yeah, say that to yourself and kaminari,” you muttered bitterly under your breath. kaminari was a guitarist in jirou’s band who hadn’t quite gotten along with jirou well. jirou made fun of the lightning bolt streak in his hair. when you first met them, all they did was bicker day and night; now, according to the other guitarist, tokoyami, they still did this, though on a smaller scale.

she heard you. “well,” jirou said, slightly ticked off, “we get along better now. because of communication. look- i’m not saying you need to be best friends with bakugou or anything, but you need to talk to him about what’s working and what’s not. respect him as another musician, y’know?”

“i’ll… try,” you said begrudgingly.

you heard a muffled yell from the other side of the call. “kaminari, you idiot!” jirou called, voice a bit far. “what did i tell you about plugging in the amp? i said not to-” she cut herself off. “sorry, y/n, i need to go now. kaminari’s back to his normal antics.” she sighed, but it sounded more endeared than irritated. the call ended.

respect bakugou as another musician. you could do that. bakugou was only a pianist. you were a violinist. he was your accompanist. he was to support your playing. you’d forever be separated from him, doing your own thing. he, certainly, couldn’t understand the woes of being a violinist. not the intonation nor the techniques; you were sure that if you handed him a violin on the spot, he wouldn’t be able to even hold the bow properly. the notion of bakugou, piano prodigy, struggling to make a decent sound on the violin with a bow clenched in an ungainly grip deeply amused you.

these thoughts kept your relationship with bakugou afloat and restrained you from strangling him every time he stepped a toe out of line during rehearsals. ploddingly, with as minimal communication as you could manage, you tried to play with bakugou together, as a duet rather than as two soloists playing simultaneously. you swallowed your pride to play accurately to the music, patiently explaining any qualms you had with bakugou’s playing.

eventually, you found yourself building up your performances to the quality they had once been with momo. it was still far from the pristine playing that led you to an international invite - but it was an improvement, and that was all that mattered to you. innately, you were slightly ashamed of the thoughts that allowed you to keep working with bakugou. they were thoughts that told of your superiority to him, because he was playing piano for you. that’s all he was; an accompaniment to you. you told yourself that having these thoughts on the inside was better than fighting with bakugou.

somehow, along the strings of notes slurred together and shifts of fingers from one spot on a string to the next, you found yourself experiencing a strange joy gliding your bow against the strings of your violin. the rich sound of your instrument, withering and blooming with every stroke of vibrato you performed, fulfilled you unlike how it ever had before. up until now, you’d been playing for the audience, rather than yourself. the melody reverberating in the hollow body of your violin was never for your own ears to enjoy, it was for the audience’s satisfaction and listening pleasure. for it was their own enjoyment that won you competition after competition, playing with a blank face. on some occasions, you’d open your eyes during the applause to see some audience members crying, which ultimately confused you. how you were able to draw emotions from them with your playing when the music was unable to render you anything but indifferent?

you knew it in yourself, though, that the happiness you felt was hollow. delightful notes supposed to boast joy and love echoed in the rehearsal room, falling flat on your ears.

you were a soloist, though. you couldn’t let thoughts like these get to you. you could only play, for both your pride and your audience. these woes were for you to shoulder, on top of the violin you held between your chin and collarbone.

“you’re here early,” bakugou commented one day, opening the door to your shared rehearsal room. tucked under one arm was his folder of sheet music. he caught you in the middle of practicing one of the pieces for a gig - liebesfreud, by fritz kreisler.

it was true. the morning sun basked the window sill and laminate flooring, warming the particular spots it shone through. you’d arrived an hour or so early. pleased by the bright nature of the morning, you pulled up the blinds. typically, you ran late, arriving ten minutes after bakugou’s text of “you’re late again, idiot” with a coffee and a bagel in your hands. those mornings, you were really grateful for having a case with backpack straps. if you hadn’t the time to eat your bagel on the way to rehearsal, it was cold and hard by the time you had a lunch break.

thankfully, today was not one of those days. whether it was the sun or the title of the piece (“love’s joy,” how wonderful), you’d woken up and decided that today, you’d have a warm and soft bagel for breakfast. you had a coupon for a free coffee and surprisingly, the commute to rehearsals was more punctual than usual. thus, you arrived an hour early, a smile on your face as you opened the door. you opened your case with extra care and rosined your bow with extra zest, humming a tune you heard playing on the radio. bakugou would’ve had a heart attack had he saw you then.

you ignored his entrance, only peeping one eye open at the man and nodding your head toward the piano as you continued on with the piece. you allowed yourself to become immersed in the music, following the soft pace bakugou set in his playing. closing your eyes, you saw the audience before you and felt your fingers sliding and pressing the strings. time flew while playing the piece; you’d barely noticed that the piece was nearing its end, playing its familiar melody one last time before opening your eyes. a glance at the rosin dusted in between the bridge and fingerboard of your violin satisfied you, like salt on caramel. you surely played just as sweet, smooth and saccharine like the gooey texture of a caramel confection. you relished in the sunlight streaming through into the room, ignoring the shuffling of papers behind you (from bakugou, no doubt). that was how you should play.

“something’s off,” you blearily opened your eyes to the sound of bakugou’s gruff voice. he was frowning, eyebrows furrowed in a not atypical manner.

“what,” you said flatly. “it sounded fine to me. i didn’t mess up or anything.”

“no,” he replied, deep in thought, crimson eyes darkening a shade. “we don’t have proper… emotion in the music.”

“huh?” you felt a comical question mark rising out of your head. “i played it perfectly to score. it conveys the composer’s emotions to a t,” you said, getting annoyed with the pianist. your grip tightened on your violin’s neck.

“well- yeah,” he gritted his teeth. “but what about your emotions?”

“who cares about my emotions?” you said. “all that matters is that my playing is perfect. the audience feels the emotions, not me.” why else had you been plucked into violin lessons when you were five? surely not for your own enjoyment.

“idiot, that’s definitely not how it is.”

“it’s just violin playing!” you snapped. “it’s not complicated with- with emotions! it’s the same as anything else!”

“you’re wrong,” bakugou coldly answered.

“what would you understand?” you seethed. “you’re just a damn pianist. you follow my lead.”

he ignored your remarks. “why do you play a fucking instrument, then? why bother to enter competitions or recitals?”

“to win, like any other normal person!”

he let out a clipped, exasperated breath. “fuckin’ explains it, then.” he didn’t elaborate. dismissing the topic, he said, “whatever. play the piece from the top. actually try to look at me this time, so we can stay together. put more emphasis on the downbeat at the start.”

“it’s not like you even heard me play the beginning,” you retorted, but made sure to accent that note even more during the replay. pianists. they always were on their high horses.

something you looked forward to every year was the valentine’s recital. the organizers, an old couple, had known you since you were a child, and thus developed a soft spot for you. you were a shoo-in for the event, relied on to learn the music on a short deadline. last year, you played preludio, from bach’s partita for violin no. 3. this year, though, the catch was weird.

“the letter says it’s a violin duet?” you said to jirou while video calling her. “i don’t have a violinist on hand, just a pianist. it’s not like bakugou can suddenly master violin.”

jirou looked at you with a surprised expression. “you don’t know?”

you stared back at her. “know what?”

“he plays violin, too.”

“huh?” you must’ve misheard her.

she nodded. “he’s pretty good, too. have you not seen the videos?”

“videos?" your eyes widened as you soon realized the implications of bakugou harbouring an aptitude for violin. "i’ve… i’ve got to go.”

“he’s as good as you, y/n,” jirou said with a knowing smile. you were quick to press the hang up button.

five seconds into teenage bakugou’s rendition of one of paganini’s caprices, you exited youtube.

the next day, you kicked open the door to the practice room.

“you,” you pointed a finger at bakugou, who sat at the piano midway through a piece.

“what is it now, dumbass? you’re late again.”

“shut up,” you grumbled. “that’s beside the point. you- you play violin?!”

he shrugged, not avoiding your piercing gaze. “i’ve dabbled in it, yes.”

you shut the door behind you. “and why did you never tell me?!”

“tch. you never asked, did you?”

“you’re my accompanist, i should know these things!”

“you know i play piano, and that’s enough,” bakugou said stubbornly. “i only play piano with you.”

“not anymore.” setting your violin case down, you shuffled through the pocket that held your sheet music. flipping out a packet of sheet music, you thrust it in bakugou’s direction. “here.”

he grabbed the sheets from you, skimming the title. “duo for two violins in…. fuck,” he muttered. “why didn’t you just say no? who even is this from?”

“valentine’s recital. the pay’s good, bakugou, and we need it.”

“you need it,” he mumbled bitterly, holding the sheets out for you. “i don’t.”

“it’s not like i’m happy about it either. since when were you a violinist?”

“since when was it any of your damn business?”

"you're supposed to be my pianist! not anything else!"

you didn’t understand how he could be so musically inclined. you blinked, and your sight smeared, blurring the sight of your feet with the laminate flooring. this wasn't right, you thought as you felt a telltale heat creeping up you. why were you crying now?

if there was one thing you prided yourself on, it was your violin playing. it seemed to be the only thing you were good at as a child when academics and athletics failed you. sure, you hated it at first (as most children did when their parents forced them to do something), but as time went on, the applause of the audience and the title of "winner" rewarded you enough. you were no prodigy, so you worked endlessly every day to prove yourself worthy. you never understood how you'd worked so hard only to be in the shadows of others so naturally gifted who surely would never understand how much you practiced to become better.

when it came to bakugou, he was never supposed to be better. he was your pianist, talented in a completely different musical realm than your own, so he could never be superior to you - and now he wasn't. he never was. here you were for the past year or so, looking like a fool in bakugou's eyes. on the days you struggled so hard with fourth finger vibrato, he was probably laughing at your inadequacy at violin. as easily as he played the violin, katsuki bakugou played you like a fool.

everything collided when you stepped out of the room, leaving a particular golden haired boy alone to stare at the sheet music you tossed him. your head throbbed with the groggy sensation of almost-tears and anger coursed through your veins.

you couldn't back out of the recital now. you couldn't.

you couldn't stand to look back into the vermillion eyes of katsuki bakugou now. even more so now, you couldn't.

your solution?

"hey, what's up?" jirou's collected voice filled your ear, your phone pressed to it.

"hey, kyo, i… kind of did a bad thing," you said, feeling jittery as you sought a commute home. you'd already made up your mind that your sorry-ass wouldn't be able to look bakugou back in the face for the rest of the day.

"...again?" she asked, tone concealing a hint of surprise. "don't tell me it was with bakugou. don't you usually practice now?"

"...usually, yes…" you sheepishly shuffled your feet, standing outside on the sidewalk. "i'll be resuming it again, 'course, when i get home…"

"why aren't you with bakugou right now?"

"that's… that's a long story," you laughed nervously.

"i can wait," jirou coolly replied. "kaminari got his foot stuck in his guitar case - don't ask - so i have time."

you considered asking about kaminari, then thought better of it.

"you know about the valentine's day recital they have every year? well, this year…" you recounted the events that led you to now, standing outside on the phone with jirou.

"where are you going to find a violinist?"

a silence found itself opportune as jirou waited for an answer. "i'm, uh, not…?" you said, deflecting the question back to jirou.

"well, you can't play both parts in the duet, can you? actually, don't answer that. i know you'd try. didn't you try that one time in-"

"what's done in uni stays in uni," you hushed her before she could recall that one time you tried to play a sonata with a recording of yourself. "aren't you going to tell me to try to make amends with bakugou?"

"no," she said thoughtfully after a pause. "you've tried before, and it's not working for you. i don't think you should be forced to do something you obviously don't want to do. i just think," she continued, "you need to find someone to do the duet with, if you don't want to work with bakugou. but objectively, he's your best bet."

as jirou always was, she was right. you thanked her for her advice not before hearing a distraught kaminari shouting for jirou in the background, and then she ended the call.

you repeated her words in your head once you got home, sliding your bow back and forth on your small block of worn rosin. the score for the duet was spread next to you on the floor. it wasn't that you didn't want to work with bakugou. or was it? had you been that selfish all along, sabotaging other performances because you didn't like him? if even jirou had noticed it, had bakugou noticed it too?

your sigh let out a thousand burdens piled up in your mind, blowing air out like dust accumulating on your tribulations. you picked up your violin and bow thoughtlessly, testing out the strings and plucking a couple with your left hand.

was it really only you with the contempt for working with bakugou? you'd assumed mutual hatred with him after your international debut, but had it really been so? had you been the only one picking fights during the time you'd worked together? as you backtracked, your fingers slipped into a familiar position. you began a piece you knew positively by heart, an absolute favorite of yours for years. you played mindlessly, serenading yourself with familiar notes and string fingerings as you thought long and hard about bakugou. how much shit had you given bakugou? he hardly complained, too, but why? why hadn't he quit after you'd been so ceaselessly difficult with him?

why were you so angry at bakugou, a gifted prodigy since childhood? the answer found itself as the composition descended into an array of complicated fingerings and string changes, sounding like an incoherent chaos somehow strung together by the music. you pretended you didn't know the answer.

it was much, much easier to leave bakugou as just a pianist. respectable in his own field, and incomparable to you. it was too good to be true, obviously. all your life, you played to win, and couldn't allow anyone else to surpass you. violin was about winning, winning, winning. how were you supposed to cope when all those hours of practice were easily overcome by someone with innate talent?

the piece eased your tension with a fermata, drawing out your vibrato to think. bakugou's perfection infuriated you, you concluded. knowing this, though, didn't help with anything. you almost screeched the last note as the composition came to an end, unsettled by thoughts of bakugou. you really couldn't stand him.

in an attempt to distract yourself from your dilemma, you decided to start practicing the recital composition. you pulled out an old portable music stand, bending the parts into place and stacking it up. carefully, you placed the sheets on the stand and skimmed over the music, bringing your violin up to your collarbone.

your eyes followed one measure ahead of what you were playing as you sight-read the piece. ahead, ahead, was all you could think as your fingers fumbled the notes, eyes moving from the score to the fingerboard. bakugou was far from your mind as you caught up to the music, too preoccupied with the sharps and flats you'd forgotten and the time you had to keep. you were busied by the shifts and the repeat signs in the music over anything else. your priority lay here for the time being, after all. the sight-reading was almost enough to make you forget you only play one half to a duet. there was still still an emptiness that lurked between the rests and the redundant beats that even your stilted practice couldn't mask. you tried not to worry about that, though.

time floated by as you repeated the piece over and over, playing for accuracy first. it wasn't enough, but you pretended it was. the metronome on your phone ticked away like time, endless and impatient, until you couldn't stand it anymore and packed away your violin.

the proceeding day was filled with more of the same practicing, working on tweaking hesitations and polishing up your playing. it was kind of convenient, practicing at home rather than waking up early to practice with bakugou. you missed the bagel the most.

you were definitely not playing your best, and it was clear by the way your bow occasionally screeched and how you fumbled the fingerings when you were particularly negligent. the piece just didn't sound right without the second part. (bakugou was definitely not the second part missing. not at all.)

by the third day you gave up and admitted to yourself that yes, bakugou was the second part missing. you were only a little bit miserable buying your usual bagel and coffee and rushing to rehearsals fifteen minutes late, aware that you'd be unable to eat it before practice. you were substantially less miserable than how you were the day previous, practicing alone.

you weren't surprised to see bakugou already there, sitting on the piano bench and tightening his bow hairs. he acknowledged you with a grunt as you set down your breakfast and beverage.

"showed up, huh?" he said finally, voice rough. he stood up, setting his sheet music on a stand. you stared at him, awed by his nonchalance. he picked up his violin and bow (which, by the way, looked super expensive) and propped his violin up by his chin. it felt so foreign to see him in position to play violin, fingers already expertly in first position and wrist beautifully curved, yet it inexplicably clicked. the scene in front of you looked like he'd done this everyday, as it was always supposed to have been, his back confidently straight. his fingers arched over the fingerboard and his bow appeared mathematically parallel to the bridge, held delicately between his fingers. you'd never carefully watched him play piano (probably due to your distaste to him and lack of knowledge about the percussion instrument), but he made the violin look like an instrument of the gods. he hesitated, though, bow moving a centimeter then back. he frowned at your idle silence and turned back to you. "well? are we doing this duet or not?"

"oh," you reacted intelligently. "yeah. yeah." it kicked in what you were doing by the time you'd started tuning your violin, first bowing your a string. after tuning your violin (with the help of a tuning fork and none from the perfect-pitched bastard bakugou, who appeared to be watching you with a triumphant gleam in his eyes as you struggled to tune your violin properly), you set your sheet music next to bakugou's.

"ready?" you asked, as if you'd been the one waiting for bakugou all this time.

"ask yourself that," he snorted. "i'll do the count."

you nodded.

"one, two, three, f-"

"wait, wait," you said, squinting at your music. "isn't it supposed to be a bit slower than that?"

"it says allegro," bakugou said, tapping his foot. "need an italian lesson? lively, briskly."

"i know what allegro means," you gritted. "seems too fast, when paired with dolce."

"maybe for you," he smirked.

you narrowed your eyes at him. "and that means what, exactly?"

he opened his mouth to reply some smug, smart-ass answer, but you stopped him.

"nevermind," you said. "do the count again, at the same tempo. i can do it."

you were bluffing, of course. since when was allegro this fast? you wondered as the opening notes sped by you in a musical blur. already familiar with the melody, you messed up dynamics the most. of crescendos and diminuendos? it wasn't like bakugou would notice, too preoccupied with his part.

the ending of the piece took your breath away, storming toward you in a whirlwind. adrenaline filled your veins as you raced to the last measure of the music, overcome by the tempo and the music. this time, full of energy and exhilaration, the piece felt complete. your and bakugou's sound surrounded the two of you, overflowing the room with a saccharine melody. it felt right simply standing beside him playing a two part piece, chest heaving from the piece's energy. you could only hear your breathing, a gentle encore to your playing.

"your playing is sloppy," bakugou said bluntly. he leaned over to your sheet music, starting to point at dynamic markings.

you swatted his hand away before he could say a word. "yeah, well, i just got the music three days ago," you interjected.

"you also had two of the three days off, so i'd say you're not doing enough." he glanced back down at your score. he pointed at a measure. "this is a crescendo, moron, why didn't you get much louder?"

"just- pay attention to your own music!" you said. "besides, it's dolce. i can get away with playing softer."

"that wasn't very dolce to me," he argued. "nothing sweet, soft, or gentle about that," he mumbled.

"i can be sweet, soft, and gentle if i want to!" you retorted.

he raised a brow, as if a challenge, scarlet eyes glinting in the light. "tch. i'm sure you can, but your playing damn can't."

“it can, too! listen,” you said, impetuously raising your violin and bow again. you slowly started to play a d major scale, impatiently scrunching your nose and squeezing your eyes shut to concentrate on making the music soft and gentle, tampering with different degrees of vibrato and bow pressure.

“... that’s just piano,” bakugou said, moving to you as you bowed an a. your bow came to an abrupt halt, making an unpleasant squeal, as bakugou positioned himself behind you. you felt his body warmth radiating behind you as a sweet, homely scent wafted around you. he brought his arms around you, hands overlapping where you held your violin and bow.

“you need to be,” he murmured into your ear, gentle tone almost slurring the words together, "fragile when you play dolce." he angled your bow slightly, moving your hand. "bow closer to the fingerboard." the smooth baritone of his voice resonated within you, becoming lost within the violinist's embrace.

"most of all," he said, dropping an octave to an intimate tone, "you need to feel it. you can attempt to play it, but without feeling, it's fuckin’ meaningless."

"feeling?" you repeated blankly. “the audience’s, you mean.”

he stepped away, a gesture that made you breathless, and shook his head. he crossed his arms over his chest, unintentionally accentuating their volume. “your damn feelings. what do you feel when playing the piece?”

there’s a pause for perhaps a second too long, as you mulled over different answers in your head.

“tch.” his eyes don’t leave you, gaze a laser burning into you. “‘s what i thought. why do you play violin?”

you held your tongue from answering my parents. “to win. i play to win,” you stated.

“and that’s the damn problem,” bakugou said, releasing a breath of frustrated air. “you win to play.”

“that means…?” you were starting to get impatient with the man, who seemed to be stalling and dragging out your limited time.

“you win competitions to play more.”

you almost scoffed, but his words were plausible. “what’s the purpose in playing more if not to win?”

he made a scratching noise in his throat, cool demeanor shifting to that of the bakugou you knew. “l-l-” he coughed, “love.”

“love?” you repeated, the word a surprise to swallow.

he nodded, gagging on his reply. you couldn’t see bakugou as the romantic type - the same bakugou who called all of his friends demeaning nicknames and could barely say the word love out loud. he was explosive, maybe, and talented, sure - but acquainted with love? you pursed your lips at the stuttering man trying to advise you.

“whatever,” he dismissed, voice oddly hoarse. “just play it from the top. fix the dynamics.”

weeks passed in a blur, though bakugou’s advice was left unforgotten. it had, for the most part, faded from your mind but lingered like a ghost in an abandoned attic, stirring up dust in complete silence. it was valid criticism on bakugou’s part, but the problem was that it was criticism you couldn’t digest. it was a ghost that you could not rid of, whispering and lurking until your music played over it.

four weeks before the performance, you had the piece almost entirely memorized other than a few flukes here and there. you managed most of your dynamics, playing in sync with bakugou by your side. three weeks and the piece was mostly smooth, foregoing all sheet music and practicing in the middle of the room with bakugou tapping out the tempo on the honeyed floor. any mistakes were recovered from quickly, and you were pleased to say that the amount of bakugou’s slip-ups equated to yours. at two weeks, though, he brought up the pest bugging your mind.

“play with more emotion,” he sighed exasperatedly, letting out a huff as you played for him. “start on f sharp again.”

you’d tried time and time again, but the longer you’d replayed the same few measures (followed by his criticism for the nth time), the only emotion you felt was frustration. your bow would push too hard or your vibrato would lay on thick, immensely irritating bakugou. you didn’t know why he even tried.

the air felt stale and the lights shone obnoxiously bright. the pads of your left hand fingers had hardened by now, indented with a pair of parallel lines from your unforgiving violin strings. you inhaled rosin dust and occasional bow hairs miserably dropped to the floor. your arms were tired, sore, and sick of playing; your ears painfully endured the same tune again and again, the originally fluid and sweet notes becoming high frequency static.

“i can’t do this.” you were tempted to flop onto the ground, hopelessness pouring over you.

“you can,” bakugou insisted stubbornly. “you just need to try harder.”

“harder?” you would’ve snapped (and you were surprised your e string didn’t already by the repetitive motions on it) if you weren’t so exhausted from rehearsing.

he nodded like it was obvious. “try harder.”

you shakily inhaled, trying to smooth your voice over. “i’m sorry i can’t be a prodigy like you.”

he stiffened, tense to the point of trembling. “whatever,” and it was a strained word pulled from his mouth. it was very atypical for him to give up like this, but you didn't care. you avoided his eyes as you restarted the piece, unable to bloom anything from it.

outside of your rehearsal time, you practiced. arguably, your solo rehearsals were more rigorous. you forced yourself to add emotion to the piece, sometimes playing for jirou. she agreed with bakugou (though was a great deal less irritating), stating that your playing was somewhat hollow. (you restrained yourself from knocking on the instrument and saying that yes, indeed, violins were hollow.)

"how… how do you get any emotions from playing?" you asked jirou at one point, watching one of her band's rehearsals. they were on a break, chatting idly and taking sips from their water bottles.

“well…” jirou started, glancing back at her band members. “i think about the feelings i want the audience to feel because of my songs. i think about how the song makes me feel, then i put that into how i play.”

“how do you…” you shifted uncomfortably, “know what to feel?”

she looked at you, taken aback, but replied easily. “you don’t. it just… happens.”

her response was vastly different than what you’d been taught a child. emotions? sure, there was perhaps a time where playing evoked a feeling in you, plucked something melodical from your heartstrings. it was when you were a child, though, so it was irrational and erratic, an outburst in the middle of your otherwise level playing. your violin teacher didn’t approve when you’d follow how the music made you feel. she said it made you stray too far from the original piece and would make you lose competitions. no matter how you pushed back against her, her advice haunted you over and over every time you got anything other than first place.

your performance is the audience, she’d told you. you didn’t understand what she meant at first, but she made sure you did while practicing for your next rehearsals. the audience, she quipped with thin lips under her sharp eyes, is everything. if the audience wasn’t satisfied, your performance was worthless, no matter how well you played technically. you play for them and you win - it was that plain. there was nothing more than you wanted but to win, at the time. you wanted a trophy, a medal, a certificate stating that you were better than most. it was palpable evidence that you were good enough - for your parents, your peers, anyone. like that, you practiced, a servant for approval. you weren’t a prodigy, but you sure as hell would try to play like one. her advice worked for over a decade, soundly racking you up with countless awards that filled your otherwise desolate self-esteem.

you didn’t say anything else to jirou about it, instead thinking about the bits and pieces of human feeling you could extract in between your piece’s accidentals and eighth notes. perhaps there was a possibility, through the phrases of notes and dynamic markings, you’d find a word that said love. a renewed interest sparked itself when jirou’s band continued their rehearsals, finding yourself to be a normal audience member (maybe even crying at the end. maybe).

you returned home to practice, practice, practice, coercing any hidden message in the music to vibrate in your violin and echo around your room. you watched other renditions of the piece to find something you were missing, but imitating them didn’t seem right. this continued for the following weeks, hiding any potential development from bakugou (or trying to, at least). you knew you’d be disappointing him if you failed after trying so hard. it was only safe to play what you knew, secure in the written parts of the composition and keeping it at that.

by the time the performance came around, you were glad bakugou never found out about your secret efforts. if he had, you knew he’d be sorely dispirited by your lack of tangible progress, your sound just as hollow as the soundbox of your violin. you failed, you knew, and as crestfallen as you were on that cold february morning, the show must go on.

the performances were held in an auditorium, warm compared to the snowy wonderland outside. it was typically couples comprising the audience, all romantic and pepped up in the spirit of valentine's day (white day was no different). some arrived early, finding seats in the empty auditorium and chatting amongst themselves (or sometimes making out, which made you want to throw your violin at them and gag). bakugou’s and your performance was last; it quite the heavy honor to play the finale to the recital.

backstage was a vast contrast to the hushed atmosphere settled over the assemblage. hovering over the staff and performers for the day was a sense of panic, hurry, and hecticness. bits of rosin were scattered on the ground where you prepared for your rehearsal, some belonging to your block and others not. your pack of extra strings lay next to you on the sofa you sat on, arm resting on the side of the seat. similar to your violin's strings, spun tightly over pegs to be kept in place, you felt high-strung. the buzz of energetic excitement flitted in your head, knee bumping up and down and jerking your violin in the same motion. it was hard to calm when you tuned your violin to absolute perfection, relying on bakugou's perfect pitch to do so. the fine tuners on the end of your strings probably hadn't had a harder time in the years you'd owned your violin.

"you're shaking the entire sofa, idiot," bakugou deadpanned next to you. “some of us are trying to rosin our bow, unlike you.” he glanced at the floor, where amber shards of rosin lay amidst white dust (also made of rosin).

“to be fair, most of those aren’t mine,” you pointed out. you reached into your violin case, finding the rectangular case of rosin and opening the top. "mine's only chipped in a couple corners, and the rest is just worn on the edges from my bow."

you leaned over to look at bakugou's rosin, two stubs in its case. "and i'm the one dropping my rosin?"

his ears turned a deep red, matching the velvet curtains on stage. "that's different," he muttered, putting the lid on his rosin and putting it away.

"you ready?" you watched him swallow before speaking, not looking at you. you could hear one of the presenters speaking, introducing the first piece to be played (an ever-so romantic rendition of clair de lune), but the voices felt distant and muffled over the sound of your own nervous heart beating.

"yeah," he replied. he turned to look at you, scarlet eyes meeting your own. "what, you're not scared now, are you, dumbass?"

you gulped. "no… just excited," you said. in truth, you felt disappointed in yourself for being unable to find any emotion in your playing - thinking about the piece, you were devoid of anything but the measures and the notes. what was the piece trying to say in the white space between staff lines? after the clef at the beginning of the music, where did the emotions start and everything else end?

quiet notes, twinkling from the piano on stage, met your ears. you took a deep breath. how did they make you feel?

…not very good, because this pianist was certainly a beat or two off tempo. a large hand on your knee startled you out of your trance. its warmth was surprisingly comforting. you followed the arm connecting to the hand to meet bakugou's concentrated face, eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched.

"don't shake your knee like that. also, why are you so damn cold?" he moved his hand away, leaving an imprint of heat on your knee. you hadn't noticed the physical manifestation of your nerves prior to bakugou's words.

you left his question unanswered, staring at your violin in your lap. you traced the patterns in wood, fingers following the shape of the f-hole and thumbing circles on your chin rest. how were you supposed to be able to pull living, breathing life in the form of emotions from an inanimate object? what sorcery were you supposed to manage to satisfy yourself and the audience?

you thought back to bakugou's words. what was it had he said you were supposed to be playing for? love, the irrational and sentimental flaw of life - somehow expressed from the symbols on a sheet of paper and through strings on hollow wood. what sort of miracle was bakugou creating with his music?

what was violin, if not just a task to do everyday? what was it, out of competitions and tests of skill? what was the sound reverberating within its vacant body, recording every shift of fingers on the fingerboard?

you looked past your violin to the rosin on the floor. friction, your violin teacher had explained to you. you put rosin on your bow so it creates friction with the strings, and thus creates sound. it was strange how friction caused the smooth sound of a violin. too much friction, added by pressure on the bow, made a creaky sound on the strings. without rosin, the bow would be too smooth on the string and make no noise at all. the happy medium of not too much and not too little created the familiar rich tone on the strings.

a happy medium, you mused. in between too much friction and none at all. maybe that was how you were supposed to feel, in between trying too hard and not trying at all. that's what feelings were in the end, right? a natural human instinct, spurred by life. could you breathe life into the music?

the stage seemed almost too big for the two of you, spotlights centering you on the wide, wooden platform. the crowd's eyes were on you and your fellow violinist, some watching with drooping eyelids. they felt far, distant under the shadows. even so, the question still besieged you - would you please them?

you teared your eyes away to bakugou, who started the count. everything was silent until he nodded to you, your cue to start the piece. it felt too fast when you began but it was the same allegro you’d been practicing with. muscle memory took control now, your fingers finding their places easily.

your fingers and bow took all your attention. everything else fell away - the lights, the crowd, the stage - until it was just you, your violin, and the music. you could practically see the score in your head, playing the notes you'd come to know so well.

you heard your music echo and resound off the walls, but that's all it seemed to do. it touched everyone in the room, looking for a place to stay, and diminished in an empty space alone. it frustrated you that it wouldn't resonate - where was the love bakugou had so told you of? this auditorium was no different than your room, where sounds bounced off walls and landed nowhere. you weren't reaching anywhere or anyone, lacking emotion and any true substance.

love - what was love if not a hindrance? how could bakugou expect so much out of you? love - had you ever felt it for the violin? dolce told you to play sweetly, softly, and gently, but what was sweet about the violin? what was so sweet about the imprints of strings on your fingers, fragmented rosin at your feet, and bruises on your neck from long hours of practice? what was gentle about the arduous replaying of the same measure, the ringing in your ears after playing to master a simple phrase? what was soft about the forte that rang in your head, the fortissimo that filled a performance and clouded your senses?

dolce filled you like an epiphany, euphoric in your eyes that finally opened and awakened. dolce was in bakugou's eyes, soft velvet like the crimson curtains onstage, downcast at his violin. dolce was in his sound as his bow skittered near the fingerboard, in his fingers sliding back and forth on his a string. dolce was in his grasp of his bow and violin, in the very essence he played the violin with. dolce contradicted everything you knew, reminding you of bakugou's soft hands over yours, guiding your fingers and bow. dolce was the morning light streaming into the practice room as you argued with bakugou over tempos and notes, the light glinting on shattered shards of rosin as you anxiously rosined your bow. dolce was the curve of your violin scroll, the bend of your fingers over your bow's frog. dolce was the white space in between staff lines on your sheet music and through half and whole notes. dolce was everything in between the rough of your violin experience, the laughter and smiling gone forgotten during sleepless practice sessions and violin evaluations.

what was dolce, if not a rebellion? what was it, if not a rebellion from the years of work and pain you'd endured in the name of musicality? what was it, if not laughing in the face of your violin instructors and the strict score you adhered to?

when you opened your eyes to meet bakugou's, whose carmine eyes dripped with a burning passion and the essence of souls, you finally felt. it was the so-sought over love, scorching every note and stroke of your bow and bursting life in every movement, breath, and echo of your performance. it was exhilarating, living through every slur and chord you played. when you finally met his eyes he understood, a satisfied smile tugging on his lips as his gaze never left yours. this was it - this was dolce, humming sweetly, softly, and gently in your ears and reflecting in the audience's heart. this was dolce, making you realize that you never wanted to play violin alone again.

you picked up a rose that had landed at your feet at the end of your piece, holding it next to bakugou's confused face. in doing so, you reached your second epiphany of the day - perhaps the more important of the two. bakugou's eyes bloomed redder than the rose, deeper than the lowest note on a double bass, and maybe it was he that was the true dolce you were looking for.

notes!!

if you’re reading this, congrats !! this is my longest fic on my account (the record will be broken soon), so i really appreciate you reading this :> (spare a reblog, perhaps?)

first, explaining the playlist:

beethoven’s kreutzer - this was played in the anime, “your lie in april,” and i simply think it fits the “fight” reader and bakugou have. this was played at reader’s first international recital that did not go so well.

kreisler’s liebesfreud (love’s joy) is in the same series as his piece called liebesleid (love’s sorrow), also featured in “your lie in april.” i personally really like the piece. of all of these listed, i think you should listen to this one the most.

beriot’s duo concertante was the other contender for reader and bakugou’s duet piece!

debussy’s clair de lune is simply a favorite of mine. it’s the first piece played at the valentine’s performance (and i like to imagine reader’s listened to bakugou’s recording of the piece)

spohr’s duo for 2 violins is the piece reader and bakugou play! it’s the second part of the duo in allegro, and i once tried to listen to it while following the sheet music. i was so confused every time i did so; i’d get lost and such, and figured my musicality was declining. nope. i was reading the wrong part. so, i started freaking out because oh god the dolce is in the first part, not the second, and thankfully, there’s a bit of dolce in the second part too! however, it did take me a while to decide whether to use the first part instead.

also, spohr invented the chinrest on the violin! crazy :D

paginini’s 24th caprice is considered the hardest out of all 24 caprices. imagine,,, teenage bakugou playing this,,, doing the left hand pizz and all T^T pain

there’s a lot i wish i could cover in this! a lot of reader’s own flaws (ahem, viola jokes) and development were something i couldn’t cover. bakugou’s arc as well! he had an arc a bit before this story takes place :)) tl;dr i’m very tempted to pick my violin up again and start playing

the frog of the bow does not, sadly, go ribbit. it’s the part violinists hold the bow by!

thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed this :)

#bakugou x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou fluff #bnha fluff #katsuki bakugou x reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #bakugou angst #bnha angst #luna's writing #violinist bakugou

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biqherosix · 4 years ago

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I was wondering if you could do hcs for mako and boilin with a younger sibling? Only if requests are open, idk if it’s me being blind but I couldn’t find if they were open or not, thx

republic city hustlers - headcanons

fluff, angst

(the legend of korra — familial! mako x waterbender! reader x bolin)

just when you think taking care of one sibling is hard when you're on the streets, try two siblings. but you know that you wouldn't have it any other way

cw / bone breaking

a/n — i am, in fact alive and i am back now. know i made a few modifications and this has an actual plot. anyway, enjoy anon !

you're the middle child, a waterbender (according to my research, you took the recessive waterbending gene from your mother's side, who's parents were a firebender and waterbender in a time where that was still frowned upon. ik i am: a nerd ✨)

so you're a year apart in between mako and bolin (which means mako is eight, you're seven, bolin is six when your parents die rip)

and as you know y'all grew up on the streets, so mako was very strict towards bolin well, bc you really had to save your money in order to survive

while you agreed with mako on your budget, you didn't mind sneaking bo some of your extra helpings you stole so that mako could eat too (bb takes care of everyone but himself so it's his time 😌)

mako knows you sneak stuff away to bolin but he looks the other way, it's his small way of knowing he's got your back with whatever honestly

you're kinda the mediator between mako and bo who always had different opinions, and you're always willing to make a compromise

you are kinda strict between both of your brothers because mako should loosen up sometimes and bolin should know how hard y'all work to survive

you love them though, and they love you; bo's love for you is very obvious because you are more open with affection, thus being tackled in hugs, cheek kisses, and hand holding (and mako would never admit it, but your forehead kisses and sudden hugs always bring a smile to his face bc he's very lucky to have you both in his life)

but also nights in republic city get cold and you really get to realize mako really does have your back >:( bolin has no problem cuddling up into spare cardboard in empty abandoned alleyways, you're built different

you get cold v v easily and mako always joked around about it when you were younger but when y'all were in your double digits (i'd say a year before your probending era) it's because you didn't grow up in the south / north pole and therefore weren't accustomed to the weather

which then turned into a conversation about how mako knew almost nothing about the fire nation other than the fire family ruled and there was a lot of internal anger for the people who killed your parents and how you wished you could still act like a child (like bolin who was so naive and innocent despite living on the streets)

you two end up shedding a few tears while trying to compose yourselves and watch over bolin but it was kinda distracting with all your shivering from the cold and the shaking from your tears

so mako being the good amazing brother he is (despite the love triangle but we don't talk about that) wraps you up in a hug and you collapse into him, playing with the little fringes of his scarf as he rubs your shoulder for warmth (you don't need it, his body heat is enough but at the same time you don't wanna tell him to stop)

bolin wakes up in awe as for once you got mako to sleep the whole night, and two you're both wrapped up and vulnerable mako is rare as we have all established but for you he will make an exception

also because you are a waterbender, it was harder being able to really tap into your skills until you get taken in by the triads; while they taught mako how to lightning bend, you simultaneously learned along with him and accidentally whipped bolin in the fact

so basically since then, you kinda just taught yourself to take and learn from other elements (you guys were only taught things through radio and stolen books so you didn't know at that point zuko had basically been taught the same thing and showed other firebenders)

which makes you develop a very unique style of bending good enough for republic city's favorite sport !!!

you and bolin had been lounging around making bets for toza's probending game before being taken in by the man himself when you joked around about the game, pointing out to the arena

"you know, maybe that could be us" *silence* "y/n, you're such a genius!" (you thought you freaked him out for a bit and turned around to make sure he was okay, turns out his eyes were glazed in ambition. you regretted joking about probending after that)

and oop suddenly y'all are the fire ferrets (in honor of our boy pabu)

for once mako isn't angry bc dummy hasook doesn't get angry back, in fact hasook isn't even on the team you replaced him as an og member of the fire ferrets

y'all are iconic okay you work so well together, and it definitely brings you three closer in communication and such (you tease mako about that and he pushed you into the water of the arena, you got payback by soaking mhm "yeah, throwing a waterbender into a pool. great idea mako!")

y'all actually did have a chance at winning the finals in book one, but then a stupid earthbender from a team's name you couldn't even remember ruined all that

at this point you had already met korra and asami, and you loved the girls you really did but the drama you had to listen to from your brothers made you wanna freeze their mouths shut (you'd never tell them that to their faces, you'd get pushed in the pool again)

anyway, korra had been watching one of your games when this one dude throws a disk and you end up taking the hit on your leg; you get thrown into zone two, but you don't get up and the boys immediately forfeit

mako and bo insist they carry you to a healer (more like mako mf yelling at anyone and bo carrying you with tears in his eyes bc it was a bad hit), and korra makes it easier for them and checks out your injury

this dude broke your lower leg from a earth disk and you're crying and it hurts really bad that you instantly grab mako's hand loosely because he's always been a source of comfort for you

bo is crying with you because he's never seen you in such great pain and it hurts him internally, and when korra has to tell them to go to the hospital, you put a hand over your mouth knowing the consequences

you protested at first, saying there was no way you could afford a hospital trip in the first place (asami piped up saying she would pay for it, you needed the best healthcare possible, stan her) and mako had been the one to shush you and smooth your hair down, and that was serious enough for you

you felt numb when they told you that you obviously couldn't compete in the finals, but an underwhelming sense of guilt fills your stomach because things had finally been looking up for you up until this stupid moment

asami is outside waiting with korra bc you just wanted to be with your brothers for a minute before seeing anyone else (bolin is cuddling with you in the cot aware of your injury and you're fiddling with mako's fingers)

ultimately, you sigh heavily and make mako bring the girls in there, telling them that you think korra should take your place; she hugs you tightly out of happiness because she had really wanted to try probending and this was her chance, though the situation had been rather unpleasant

you end up in a wheelchair for a bit, and you watch the games because you obviously want to support your brothers, but every time they had scored a knockout or a win and hugged korra, you couldn't help but feel this sense of abandonment

i mean after an injury like that your leg will obviously never be the same thus your bending would turn out quite differently and suddenly you feel incompetent to be a part of team avatar as well, which changes a lot of your relationship dynamic because like your brothers you !! are !! stubborn !! when you set your mind to something it's done

you didn't tell your brothers about this for a while (damn, lack of communication really runs in the family even after i said it'd do y'all good, my bad)

but they notice your distance, your tear stained cheeks, all that sad stuff and bolin tries to remain positive; after your leg is fully healed he makes an attempt at working through your bending stances, but it only ends in tears and a lot of frustration, which makes his heart hurt again

and mako tries to get you to read fire nation lore with him now that he has a whole stack of books via jinora, and he gets to learn about his culture like you both always wanted, but you push the book away and limp towards the meditation pavilion just to stare at the ocean

but they finally corner you and you just break, your knees give out when you open the door to see their looks of helplessness because you had been so selfish as to how you coped with your injury that you forgot that your brothers did love you, no matter what level bender you were

at first, they crouch onto the floor to see that you're okay, but you're sputtering out apologies and explanations, grabbing their shoulders to wrap them in a tight hug you had been craving for a while

they move you to the bed, and it's just like old times where bolin falls asleep first with his hand in yours, and you're against the wall with mako, your head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around you

with you and mako silence had never been a bad thing, you relished in it, but this time he had reassured you vocally about every worry you had, and you were grateful (so were tenzin and pema, who beckoned you for breakfast and saw the three of you huddled together, kinda reminded tenzin of him, kya, and bumi in the early days)

things start looking different, and you slowly bring yourself to bend despite the slight change in footing (thank the spirits for kya !) and your brothers are there every step of the way, mako affirming your progress and bolin twirling you in the air

"guys i was just trying to get used to balancing myself again." "you still did amazing!" "thanks bo"

and they even get asami and korra in on it, because you are a valid, competent member of team avatar whether you think so or not

you're just really lucky to have your brothers okay?? they love you and would very much bend the world for you if need be, even if they suck at communicating it

and bonus, you're really grateful to have another little brother !! when y'all adopt kai, you boast about how you've actually got a real advantage as probending team (though you'd gone past that era) because you've obviously got all four elements

there's so much love and when mako and kai finally get along, you receive even more love because bolin cannot keep a secret for the life of him and tells kai about your major injury

and my baby is a words of affirmation and physical touch love language boy so before you send him off to the air temples he just takes your hand, lets you know how cool it is to be a waterbender, how strong you are, the like and goes on a tangent about cool waterbending stories and comparing them to you

you'd never smiled harder, not even when you finally convinced mako to let bolin keep pabu (and though mako crosses his arms and pretends to be mad, he couldn't be happier for you bc his little sibling was finally reverting back to your old self where your relationship wasn't as complex)

so, maybe you thought having two brothers was hard, but three? it'd be an adventure but you know you wouldn't have it any other way, because they're the best brothers around :)

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somecunttookmyurl · 4 years ago

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Idk who donny is but I want you to know reading thru those posts made me very angry for you and @ him bc like COME TF ONNNNN WHAT AN ASSHOLE WTF

you should be glad you haven't been around for the ongoing donny saga. i posted a video he made for the mental welfare commission once and everyone wanted to murder him without about 10 seconds. everybody who has ever met him hates him, including my GP but the rundown if you want it

- i was referred to him for an adhd diagnosis by a therapist who made it VERY ABUNDANTLY CLEAR i do not suffer from anxiety

- spent 2.5 years at every appointment insisting i have anxiety, something nobody who has spoken to me for 5 seconds could ever accuse me of. including the adhd guy i just spoke to who said "you definitely do not have anxiety whatsoever that's just ludicrous"

- was so convinved i Secretly Have Anxiety Not ADHD that he once prescribed a drug that had severe interactions with 3 other things i was taking and could - this is not hyperbole - have killed me. i had the good sense to confer with a pharmacist after 3 days who panicked and told me to cease usage immediately because i was maybe a day or 2 away from suffering a seizure and as i live alone unable to call for help, that type of seizure may well have been fatal

- i left a message for donny before making that call and he did not call back to check in for 2 weeks. had i waited for his opinion i would no longer be here

- had absolutely no idea how to treat me and as such i was the one coming up with all of the treatment options. which he was extremely dismissive of every time and had to "confer with the specialist first". on every occasion, the specialist agreed with the proposal. i now learn that every time he did that, he was taking credit for the ideas and research

- repeatedly claimed that he had asked the adhd specialist to meet with me (at my rquest) and the specialist had declined because he "saw no benefit" in a direct conversation. i now learn that this, too, was a lie and no such requests were ever made

- cannot tell the difference between hypomania and adhd hyperactivity

- cannot tell the difference between external adhd presentations and anxiety even after being informed of what those are

- insisted for 2 years that the brief psychotic disorder (with stressor) i have been experiencing for 15 years and know damn fine well how to deal with was, you guessed it, anxiety. if that were the case i would have absolutely been studied by psychs for being such a rare and bizarre presentation but, surprise! no.

- expressed no concern over the rapid and severe weightloss i experienced on a different drug he prescribed that was not stopping because i was still a normal weight. i have previously had issues with disordered eating.

- has never heard of adderall, or bupropion (wellbutrin)

- willfuly ignored the Royal College of Psychiatrists (Scotland) guidelines on good practice for treatment of adult adhd. because he was not even familiar with the document. that he is supposed to read. as part of his job.

- refused to transfer my care to another consultant, constantly, until i wrote a 16-page document detailing the extent of his malpractice and negligence thus shaming him in front of the entire clinic. for which he is now under investigation

- never administered any adhd rating scales and ignored proper drug titration procedure

- even after finally arranging for a consult with the adhd guy (post "you are at best negligent and at worst actively dangerous" letter) did not transfer my care in the meantime to another consultant meaning i have been without access, and woefully insufficiently medicated, since december

i mean there's more the guy truly is a fucking stain upon this earth but that about covers the worst of it

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beacon-lamp · 4 years ago

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Ngl, I don’t think TFTSMP would be even half as fun without the incredibly scuffed nature of it. Telling a serious story is great, but we get enough from the main DSMP, yknow? Quackity bringing... some kind of constant energy... and Karl literally yelling out all of the cues, the serious names and then the jokey ones, it makes it stick more because it’s so unique.

i think this ask is so amusing because people are Critical of tftsmp for the exact same reason.

but yeah honestly i Personally agree with this take anon. but that’s because i value entertainment value and humor over serious plot and angst.

at the end of the day, tftsmp is Entertainment and boy was i Entertained today. i heard technoblade state “poor people don’t deserve healthcare” and decided to stay and watch. i thought quackity was Hilarious just simply because of how In Character he was. compared to everyone else, his acting was Phenomenal. but i saw a lot of ppl say that he ruined the tone of the story and that he should learn to read a room better.

a bit more of a critical tone under the cut if anyone cares enough

i’ll say i’m not a big fan of tftsmp, bc it’s like. a serious storyline but with just the Worst acting (no hate no shade, i can’t act that much better). it’s one thing to purposefully ruin the immersion w quips and fourth wall breaking. it’s another to have the immersion and suspension of disbelief ruined by the writing and acting itself. but that’s why i don’t watch it. like if you don’t like a thing. don’t watch it? idk it’s not that deep. like there’s some stuff in the plot rn i don’t particularly care about and i don’t have the time to catch up on it anyways. so i just. don’t watch.

it’s ok to not like everything!! but just as a friendly reminder, it’s Not ok to shit on other ppl for liking something this harmless and insignificant if you don’t like that thing. idk like i get the criticisms of tftsmp but i just don’t get why you would watch something you have that many criticisms about. not to say the criticisms aren’t at least in some part valid. but like why repeatedly watch something you so actively criticize and dislike?

also i see people Hating On karl himself for the shortcomings of tftsmp. um. maybe don’t do that. it’s not his fault fans are giving him more recognition and credit for egg lore. is it unfair to bbh, antfrost, etc. yeah. but is it karl’s Fault? no. and it’s obvious that he doesn’t have any prior experience with this sort of storytelling/performing. but he’s trying it out and he’s having fun with it while also giving everyone else a role/spotlight in these streams and thus more exposure. idk i just. constructive criticism is Good. hate is not.

like it’s not like he’s putting in the bare minimum effort and just Expecting everyone to shower praise and give him money. the man is learning and trying his best and you really can see the Effort he’s putting in. and i really do respect him for it. putting himself out there like that and showing 200k+ people Live something he created. i just am not gonna watch tftsmp unless techno is in it lollll. but this stream was Great, loved it, had fun, laughed a fair amount.

#anon #ty for the ask sorry for answering at 3am #it’s not a coherent ramble under the cut be warned #tftsmp critical #just in case idk i mean i guess i am critical #but also there’s just a bit of pretentiousness? superiority? vibes that i get from ppl’s critical posts that just really rubs me the wrong #way but i also just finished watching ludwigs newest video so i’m like #there are things more important than a mcyt roleplay u don’t like

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nvrlostword · 4 years ago

Text

cookie run kingdom au bc i’m out of control

ok first of all the kid cookies legally cannot go on missions

chili pepper (though she generally hates rules) established this rule after stage 2-18 when she saw the jelly worm get turned into a dragon and thought maybe this wasn’t the best environment for children

soon after this snow sugar and alchemist run into espresso and are like “wow! a magic cookie! will you come live in our kingdom?!”

espresso agrees because he’s a big softie for kids deep down because he’s been roaming around studying magic for a little while now and it would be nice to have a place to settle down and maybe start up a coffee magic school

of course as soon as they reach the kingdom gate, who else would be there but madeleine cookie

espresso: i need to leave immediately

espresso does consider booking it but alchemist seems so eager to learn magic from him and how could he break his promise to snow sugar to live in her kingdom

meanwhile madeleine, who’s been in the kingdom for a little while now, is surprised to see that one guy from the republic again so he waves cheerfully at espresso and espresso just. walks past him. not even acknowledged

espresso hopes that he won’t have to interact with madeleine much and he can just ignore him. unfortunately, the only house available is the one next to madeleine’s (because madeleine’s house gives off a blinding aura that makes it hard for other cookies to sleep at night, thus no one wants to live next to him except angel cookie, who’s his neighbor on the other side)

regret.png

at DAWN the next day madeleine’s at espresso’s door. espresso (regrettably) answers after like two and a half hours of madeleine standing there at his door, knocking

madeleine asks espresso to join the exploration team and espresso slams the door in his face

madeleine continues to talk to espresso through the door and espresso makes a note to ask the sugar gnomes to install a thicker door

the only reason espresso eventually agrees is because snow sugar asks him to

so when espresso joins, he’s not terribly surprised that the team is a mess (because why else would madeleine, of all people, ask him to join- he must have been desperate), but he didn’t expect it to be... well, as much of a mess as it was. we’ve got madeleine (strong but stupid), avocado (who’s okay at combat but really is a lot better at weaponsmithing), angel (who sometimes does healing magic but more often than not just focuses on making a glowing aura around madeleine), and vampire (does he even do anything???).

madeleine is so happy to have a cookie that’s competent in combat that he gives espresso one of those friendly pats on the back except he’s too overexcited and ends up knocking espresso over

espresso: *long sigh*

so a couple days later espresso is like “why tf is chili pepper cookie not on our combat team???”

turns out chili pepper and madeleine had a disagreement about the morality of stealing and chili pepper refused to do combat for the kingdom ever since

espresso comes in and smooths things over and chili pepper replaces vampire cookie in the exploration team, a change which makes everyone happier

then they meet rye cookie during the chilirye quests

episode 4 and the beginning of episode 5 are kind of rough for our exploration team bc they’re being chased by both licorice and rye cookie

but when they get to pomegranate village and rye hears the whole thing about dark enchantress cookie coming to take over the world, rye begrudgingly agrees to work with the team and avocado goes back to working at the kingdom forge

thus, an epic slow burn chilirye romance begins

the same thing has been happening with espresseleine but like stupidly slow

lore time: ok so in my mind dark magic and black magic are two different things. black magic is like the evil stuff dark enchantress uses, and it’s just one branch of dark magic (coffee magic would be another branch of dark magic), but a lot of cookies get the two confused and so dark mages are looked at as evil

what does this have to do with anything, you ask? well, it just so happens that madeleine and espresso did, in fact, meet once before when they were kids. madeleine was afraid of espresso bc he practiced “black” magic and ran away from him

madeleine doesn’t remember this interaction. espresso does.

it was espresso’s first experience with cookies mistaking him for a black mage, and it wouldn’t be the last, especially from light mages. this is part of why he’s so dedicated to his studies- to prove that not all dark magic is bad

so as the group travels together, they all realize some things. chili pepper and rye realize they’re not so different after all, espresso and madeleine (respectively) realize that dark and light magic (and each other) aren’t so bad, and angel cookie realizes she’s surrounded by gay cookies

everything goes great until 7-25. you remember 7-25 and the nightmare-ridden librarian? i do. i was stuck on that level for WEEKS

anyway. the party gets to the librarian and they are HURTING. chili pepper and rye end up confessing their love to each other- which says a lot about how dire the situation was if you could get two lesbians to confess their love

so madeleine’s at the front and the librarian is about to absolutely murder him when espresso says not today, not my man. espresso steps up and uses all of his remaining energy to send the librarian to a pocket dimension or something, but espresso ends up getting pulled in too and he’s assumed dead

he’s not dead he’s just kinda in suspended animation in the void but the others don’t know that

then the cookies go back to the kingdom bc they need healing, right? wrong. madeleine stays by where espresso disappeared and refuses to move bc what if he comes back, he was injured and when he comes back he’ll need someone there to help him even if he won’t admit it, he’ll be back any minute now

eventually chili pepper has to knock madeleine out just so they can get back to the kingdom

they’re all kinda depresso about losing espresso but none moreso than madeleine. he’s so depressed, in fact, that his light magic actually weakens

he’s still a part of the exploration missions but he’s just. distracted. in a way he wasn’t before. he’s more careless in battle, spends more time alone, and people have actually seen him without his smile

so while our crew is somewhere in episode 8, pomegranate cookie happens to go back to the library and finds the dark magic rift. unlike the cookies on our adventure team, she can actually open it

pomegranate, finding a weakened espresso in the rift: it’s free real estate

pomegranate is really impressed by espresso’s magical talent and takes him back to dark enchantress cookie (who has been summoned at this point and is starting to really cause chaos). dark enchantress wants to recruit espresso but he refuses because of a certain light magic idiot dark enchantress is the one who made people look at dark magic as evil

dark enchantress: ok *casts a mind control spell on espresso*

posesso the espresso

meanwhile, madeleine is doing the talking to himself thing that he does (in the MIDDLE of a battle) and he’s like “why would espresso do that, anyway? he’s never done anything selfless in his life!” and chili pepper just rolls her eyes and as she’s taking out an enemy and says “because he was in love with you”

*madeleine voice* HUH????????

everyone else thought madeleine and espresso were together bc they obviously had a thing for each other and that’s why madeleine was so distraught when espresso “died”

madeleine suddenly realizes he like likes espresso, which is unfortunate bc he’s “dead”

at this exact moment, white lily shows up claiming she was attacked by espresso

madeleine: THAT’S WONDERFUL NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!11!!

some distance away, possessed!espresso facepalms. “why did i just do that,” he wonders

so this is how they learn espresso is alive but possessed by dark enchantress. madeleine, however, only cares about the first part, bc at least there’s hope now that he can bring espresso home

his magic returns, even stronger than before, and the revitalized team plows through the rest of episode 8

so they finally get to dark enchantress and face her. dark choco decides to join the hero team bc pomegranate bullied him

which is really good for the team bc their front, madeleine, runs off to fight possessed!espresso alone at the beginning of the fight

espresso and madeleine would do a lot of sparring and stuff together and they were pretty evenly matched because of their different areas of strength, but this is different bc possessed!espresso is actively trying to kill madeleine and he has a black magic buff

possessed!espresso has the upper hand here, so he gets madeleine cornered and is about to deliver the final blow but he can’t

madeleine sees his hesitation and is like !!!!!! he’s still in there!!!!!!!

he also realizes there’s a pomegranate seed over the eye that espresso covers with his hair and realizes that must be what’s causing the possession spell (like in ovenbreak story run when wind archer gets possessed)

instead of fighting possessed!espresso, madeleine starts talking to him, reminding him of how they started out as kind of enemies, but how they became close friends. madeleine talks about how espresso made him realize that not all dark magic was evil, and there’s beauty in dark magic, too, all while slowly getting closer to possessed!espresso, who’s still poised and ready to deliver the killing blow

finally, madeleine asks possessed!espresso to trust him, and then he reaches out and touches the pomegranate seen over possessed!espresso’s eye. there’s a burst of light magic, the seed falls off, and espresso is back to normal

he and madeleine confess their feelings to each other then go help the others defeat dark enchantress cookie. the kingdom is saved, everyone is happy, and our two couples live in domestic bliss the end

#me: tries to think about cookie run kingdom to avoid brainrot/loss of focus from kagepro’s 10th anniversary #me: gets cookie run kingdom brainrot instead #i played myself tbh #my cookie run au #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #espresseleine #chilirye #they’re kinda on the side tho bc i’m still kinda a chilicotton gal #chili pepper cookie #rye cookie #espresso cookie #madeleine cookie #angel cookie #never thought i’d be thinking about cookie run this much tbh

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personuhh · 4 years ago

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okay so awhile ago you posted something about Yosuke (crazy, right?) and in the tags I believe you mentioned something about how you don’t like Yosukes parents? Could you elaborate? bc I have not stopped thinking about it since you mentioned it (sorry this is so vague my memory is horrid skjdjfjgj)

OYSUEJGHHBKEJHDSGVDH oh my god okay SO. At first I just got ~vibes~ from him... like, I couldn’t quite pin down what made me think he had abusive parents, because obviously he never says anything to indicate it explicitly, but then I started noticing... small things.

I don’t want to say outright that I think they’re abusive (physically or verbally) and I also don’t think that Yosuke hates them, or necessarily even sees anything wrong with how they treat him, but I do think that their behavior has severely impacted Yosuke and led to a lot of the negative traits he displays.

To me, the most telling example is this conversation where he talks about Teddie being praised by his parents for being “thoughtful” very pointedly in front of him. It seems to be a reoccurring thing where they compare him to other people (primarily Teddie) and make him feel inferior. Yosuke’s a bit of a pushover, and frequently gets taken advantage of monetarily, and in this case he’s caved and lent Teddie a significant chunk of his savings for their trip to Tatsumi Port Island... only for him to spend it on presents to suck up to Yosuke’s parents which makes Yosuke look unthoughtful. Yosuke clearly sees it that way, even if Teddie hadn’t intentionally planned it out from the start as such (he calls Teddie “surprisingly shrewd”).

Yosuke gets told off either because a) he didn’t want to fight back/argue, and instead just took a passive stance instead of telling his parents that he was the one to lend Teddie the money in the first place, and thus didn’t have any left to buy them gifts, or b) his parents think so little of him that they don’t believe him at all. He specifically says he doubts his parents understand, which makes me think that he did try to explain the situation.

There are also several instances of a large Junes event being Yosuke’s responsibility, or at least of him thinking that he has to scramble to make things work, like the Junes concert, where he says he’ll have to move away if it doesn’t pan out; maybe this is his own thinking, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if it was something his dad said to scare him into helping, especially considering he MUST know that Yosuke is friends with Rise, or the time during the summer where he calls Yu and begs him to help out. Yosuke isn’t a manager, but he’s still got all the responsibilities of one, and even tries his best to work out other employees’ problems as well (look at his SL).

The Junes concert in particular really sent up some red flags for me, especially because Yosuke says this.

“Awfully nice for some reason”?

Yosuke’s got terrible self-esteem, there are countless times where he’s shown to be overwhelmed and embarrassed by completely genuine praise from his friends. In one of the drama CDs he mentions that he intentionally doesn’t try his best in school because he doesn’t want to disappoint himself by doing poorly while also knowing that he gave his all. It really makes me think that his parents just have an abysmally low opinion of him, and he’s adopted that same view of himself.

There’s also several scenes where he talks about his parents finding his porn (or Teddie showing it to them) and in his SL he says his mom “read the title out loud to [his] family” which on top of obviously indicating his family is pretty conservative about that kind of thing, also means he’s had to learn to be secretive with them to some extent. In Arena, Yosuke’s mother goes as far as burning the porn Teddie finds. Even if it's meant to be humorous, Yosuke's property is still being destroyed.

Now these next few things are more... abstract and can definitely be argued, but personally I still find them important to point out when discussing the topic.

Yosuke obviously struggles with toxic masculinity, and similarly to Kanji, feels like he needs to be the ideal, strong man that protects the weak, etc. Even without looking at specific dialogue, you can tell that Yosuke’s been raised to think he needs to be a “real” man, that displaying more “feminine” behaviors is a sign of weakness; because that isn’t just subtextual, it’s something he very visibly displays, it’s part of his arc. He can’t mourn and cry, he has to get revenge (because he couldn’t protect Saki at the time and he watched helplessly as she died, it makes it his fault), he says hugs are for girls (a common sentiment, but he had to learn it from somewhere), and any time he slips up and reveals his actual feelings, he has to overcompensate, let everyone know that he’s just your average teenage boy who’s definitely interested in women. Yosuke’s not the most masculine guy, he likes fashion and cares about his appearance (the bar is so low) and I’d bet that if he were given space to explore his interests without any expectations, he might actually find he’s into stuff that goes against what he’s been taught. He admits to liking crossdressing, then walks it back; not because he’s ashamed of it (on the contrary, once he realizes people found him cute, he openly brags about it), but because he thinks he SHOULD be ashamed of it.

It’s why he feels so threatened by Kanji, who completely takes him by surprise when he realizes his outer appearance and interests don’t match up. Now Yosuke’s got to compete with Kanji over who’s the manliest, show that he’s not like Kanji, because Kanji’s already accepted that side of himself, and it totally goes against everything Yosuke’s been taught to think is “normal”.

So then we look at lines like this.

On its own it’s nothing special, but it’s not just the slogan itself, it’s the way that Yosuke specifically says that his dad is still saying it. Combining this with what I mentioned previously about Yosuke’s behavior, and a few other tidbits, like Teddie mentioning that he watches violent war movies with Yosuke’s dad, it definitely makes me think he’s the type of guy who’d try and push Yosuke into being more masculine, being a traditional, unshakable, unemotional man.

Lastly, there’s the recently identified album on Yosuke’s shelf in arena, and what do you know, one of the songs on it (The Chain, by Mr. Big) has these lyrics...

In my mind, I see Yosuke’s mother as an incredibly controlling, strict woman who expects her son to be utterly perfect, and even when he’s good, it’s never good enough. Yosuke’s father is busy with Junes, and while he isn’t around the house too often, Yosuke sees him at work quite a bit, large and in-charge, not allowing anyone to see weakness, he leans on his son because he can’t bring himself to ask for help. Yosuke’s left to pick up the slack, and he’s taught by example that relying on others is cowardly, that being intimidating gets you further than being “nice”. Even though Yosuke obviously goes against this, he can't fully commit for fear of standing out and disappointing his parents, and that makes him passive; he ends up being a pushover, and neither of his parents are happy about that. He’s a “disappointment” to them, it’s one of his defining traits that everyone loves to bring up. It's something that's shown to really get under his skin, but he can never do much more than get angry, because he truly thinks he is a disappointment, he doesn't think highly of himself, even if he protests.

Maybe I’m reading into all of these things a little too much, but... I don’t know, I’ve said it before, but I just don’t see how half of Yosuke’s personality would have been shaped by anything other than his parents being Not Great.

#ada's writing #yosuke's parents #yosuke hanamura #yosuke appreciation #WHEW. THIS WAS A LONG ONE.#i literally spent like 3 hours on this and i still couldn't find most of the examples i wanted to lol #mentions of abuse #mentions of neglect #official-redhood #ask ada #ada's analysis #yosuke meta

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kim-ruzek · 3 years ago

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The moment I can breathe

Summary: Snapshots of moments in Kim's life, when it's autumn and pretty, warm but cool, and ever so peaceful-- her favourite time of year, even when the year is bad.

Word Count: 1.7k

Read on AO3

Notes: This is for my wonderful, lovely Cíara (@fighterkimburgess ). Just for being an amazing human and so kind and caring and never failing to make me feel supported. They compared me to a late September/early October day, which then we learnt is *both* our favourite days, and thus this fic was born.

This fic will also mean that I've officially published 100k words of fic on ao3. It's technically not for the same fandom, so I wasn't going to count it, since 3k of the words is for svu, but it's fitting I reach 100k published words on my account with a fic for Cíara so I'm counting it. Especially as I've got about ~60k unpublished words for cpd and I've published some drabbles and short one shots on here that I haven't yet posted to ao3.

But it's fitting because Cíara has supported my writing for Burzek and this fandom from the very beginning; I never would've had the courage to post like clockwork if it wasn't for them and so many of my ideas got better and more developed bc they helped me and was a sounding board and just a source of encouragement-- Cíara, you are the best cheerleader ever and one of my favourite people. I love you so incredibly much. ♥️

With that said; enjoy!!!

“What are you doing out here?”

At the words, said to her by someone standing behind her, Kim’s shoulders tense, the hair on the back of her neck standing on a edge. It’s only Adam, she knows that. Knows his voice, his soft, gentle, affectionate voice. One never filled with judgement, or dismissiveness.

But her eyelids flutter shut slightly, the warmth of the autumn sun beaming onto her face, and all she can remember is all the times before, of people—of them—not being even a touch as understanding as Adam, of them coming into her peaceful bubble, and popping it without a care in the world.

Kim opens her eyes only a few seconds later, turning slightly so that the sun shines on the side of her face, instead, and she smiles at her boyfriend. They’re at work, everything is so new, and it’s a secret, so she can’t step towards him, or invite him into her bubble, but she can smile and watch as he smiles back.

“Nothing. Just getting some peace before my lunch ends,” Kim answers his question.

“I wanted to kiss you, earlier,” Adam tells her later that day, when she’s snuggled up against his side, his arms around her. He noses her, nudging her affectionately. Kim lightly laughs, stealing a quick kiss before teasing him.

“You always want to kiss me,” At that, Adam chuckles, a throaty deep kind of laugh that shoots shivers down her spine and makes her ache with a need, a desire for him.

“That I do.” His voice is warm, warmer at how fast they are learning each other, how quick they are to etch these details into their souls. “You looked so peaceful, I just wanted to wrap my arms around you and cuddle you,”

Adam says those words, and Kim tilts her head more so she could look up at him. She chews her lip for a second, debating something that isn’t much of a debate, not with Adam, and she speaks again.

“Do you want to know why?”

Kim comes through her apartment door, hands full of her shopping. It’s still early, really, still plenty of day left. She has been up for a few hours, but the day, really, has only just begun. There’s a peace in her body; she is ready for the hours left.

“Where did you go?” Adam is on her couch, still in his pyjamas, lounging as he watches the tv. He mutes it, sitting up straighter as he asks her, his eyes following her as she walks in. She holds up her shopping.

“You’re a smart man,” She says, smiling at him as she does. Adam hums, looking at her curiously, like he’s trying to solve a puzzle. Kim feels oddly seen, like she’s transparent to his eyes.

“Don’t lie, Kimberly. You went to sit on a park bench and read, didn’t you?” Adam fishes at her half-read, semi-battered book from one of her bags.

Perhaps she is transparent to him. And perhaps she doesn’t mind, Adam not looking upon her with judgment or derision, just looking at her with care and love in his eyes.

He remembered that Kim’s favourite kind of days was those on sunny autumn days, when the leaves are deep terracotta earthy tones and falling, and everything is on that edge of winter, yet still looks so beautiful and magical. And he remembered not to mock her for being so caught up in it, but just because—just because he knows her.

Kim stares at the leaves laying on the ground, crumpled and stepped on. The shades are so pretty, deep reds and oranges, a sight that comes around only once a year, yet they’re discarded and forgotten by everyone who walks past them.

The trees are dying, shedding their unnecessary leaves, needing to preserve that strength. The air is getting colder, this last middling warmth of the sun will be gone soon. It will be snowy and cold, and everything will be dead.

Not yet, time is still caught in this magical time of being alive—of looking alive—and being dead—of looking dead.

Kim can relate to that, hoping that next year, next year will be different.

“Why did you want coffee here?”

Kim turns her head to look at her mentor, at Al. Antonio is her main partner, now, Al being assigned to whoever. But he’s still her mentor, even if Antonio believes in her all the same. Al is a special man, a force that everyone needs in their life.

“Sit.” Kim pats the space on the bench next to her and Al obliges, handing her over her coffee as he does so.

“Look—everything looks so pretty,” She indicates at the park land that lays before them, smiling at his beautiful everything looks. From the corner of her eye, Kim sees Al smiling that half smile of his.

“Hm.” Al is a man of very little words, and Kim will never know if he gets she wanted to bring some light in his life as Lexi’s birthday approaches, but she thinks he does, and she knows he appreciates it, knows that she’s sharing a part with herself with him.

“Sorry, is this space taken? I just need to rest for a moment—not as young as I used to be, me.”

Kim looks up from the fallen brown leaf she is aggressively staring at, the lead she’s been staring at for god knows how long. It’s an older man who’s asked, probably not too much older than Al would’ve been. He’s got a kind face, and she can tell the moment he sees the tears in her eyes, the utter distraught on her face.

“Are you okay, dear?” The man gently rests a hand on her shoulder, full of concern. Kim forces herself to nod, giving him a weak, watery smile.

“Here,” she stands up, making the bench available for him. He goes to protest, but Kim shakes her head. “I’ve got to go to work,”

She does, and it is good that the man came along, otherwise she would’ve been late, caught up in her memories, of how she’ll never drink coffee, silently, side by side with Al ever again as the autumn leaves fell around them.

“Tomorrow is meant to be a warm day, for October, that is,”

Kim looks at Adam, pausing in her task of grabbing her things from her locker. She frowns at him, unsure to as why he’s telling her—hoping he’s not planning on asking her out on a date. They’re spending time together, but that’s not for them, not yet, anyway.

“I was gonna go to Al’s grave—if you want to come with me? It’ll be the kind of autumn day you like.” Adam doesn’t leave her unsure for long. There’s a tightness in her chest, a constricting in her heart, at his words.

She tells herself it’s because of the thought of Al, not because Adam remembered her favourite kind of day.

“Kim? Are you asleep?”

Kim opens up one of her shut eyes, looking at Adam, who’s peering at her, a hand resting gently on her shoulder before shutting the eye again.

“If I was, I wouldn’t be now.” She replies, dryly, but with affection.

“Alright, smartass. I was just coming to ask if you want some lunch. But I’ll leave you to your ‘reading’, although I’d like to point out reading usually, you know, dictates reading that book beside you,” Adam’s words are said without malice, and Kim opens her eye again just in time to see Adam going to retreat away.

She catches his hand, halting his movements. She smiles up at him.

“Lunch sounds wonderful.”

“Kim! Look!”

Makayla’s smile is wide, her daughter beaming, as she jumps into a big pile of leaves that she had just constructed. Kim can’t help the equally big smile, affectionate and loving, which takes over her face at that, not that she’d want too.

Her daughter is laughing, a joyous sound, and she plays and messes around. Her excitement and happiness is infectious, and Kim finds herself feeling a new kind of peace watching her. It’s her now seven year old’s birthday, and there’s something oddly beautiful, Kim think, for Makayla to be born in late September, to be born on one of her favourite kinds of days.

It’s a low key birthday, but it’s perfect for her daughter, and so it’s perfect for Kim.

And as she plays, Kim thinks that one year she should take Makayla to see where she grew up, so that Makayla could play in the same place Kim did, the same place Kim fell in love with this type of day.

“Bet you’re happy these days are finally here,”

Kim’s head is resting on her fiancé’s shoulder, their hands entwined, but she tilts her head up slightly so she could look at Adam.

“Oh, don’t think I don’t know why you decided that we should go for a stroll in the park today. The sun is out, it’s autumn, you’ve got that peaceful look on your face. I bet you’re glad Ally was born in the spring so that she’s old enough now to be able to go out for longer,” Adam’s ability to see Kim as transparent has never faded over the years.

“Hm. You see right through me,” she says, her other hand gently moving Ally’s pram, turning her eyes back to watching Makayla play a little away from them.

“I wish you didn’t have to wait all year for these days,” Adam says a few moments later. “You deserve to be this peaceful all year.”

“Adam, I am.” Kim pulls away from him at that, her hand still attached to his, however. She moves so she’s looking at him more front on.

“This,” Kim indicates around them. “is beautiful and pretty. But I don’t need it anymore, not for that peaceful feeling.”

“Oh. Makes sense, kids do give that feeling, too,” Adam interrupts her before she’s finished, not quite understanding.

“It’s not because of them—well, not quite. They’re the bonus. But Adam, I could go forever without ever seeing a day like this again, because I have you. You are these days for me, every day with you is like this in my heart.” Kim tells him, earnestly, before cuddling back into him.

“I love you, darlin’,” he says not a second later, his voice breaking slightly.

“I love you, too.”

#burzek #kim burgess #adam ruzek #kim burgess x adam ruzek #chicago pd #burzek fic #chicago pd fanfiction #ree writes #ree's.writing #Cíara tag

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heyitsyn · 5 years ago

Text

Forgive Me

a/n: this was a request and an angsty one

im so sad theyre banning tiktok!!! :(

anon request: okok haikyuu hcs part 2: oikawa’s the reader’s best friend because their moms were also best friends but they went to different kindergarten + elementary schools so imagine how excited they were to go to kitaichi together,, anyway reader is the manager (again) but also functions as a really skilled medic,, (oh yea they start dating in second year) anyway they hit third year and reader protects bb kags,, so they break up. fast forward and reader is now in another school (either in miyagi/tokyo)

part 1.5

part 2

requests open!!!

oikawa torup in da house

so in this one,

yall are the iconic childhood friends

for the sake of this headcanon, hes an only child

so to explain

your mothers were actually college friends and became best friends and were so close that they decided to live next door to each other and have a child around the same time

also to mention, their husbands were also best friends and a few matchmaking rituals, they all got married

omg i want a friend to do this w me

it worked and they got pregnant and imagine their surprise when one was expecting a boy while the other was expecting a girl

they were already planning yall wedding before you were even born lmao

due to the closeness of your mothers, ofc yall would be best friends and you and oiks practically grew up w each other

every friday night was your night so sleepovers happened all the time

however, when yall were starting to go to school

you both ended up in different schools

dont ask me why ask your mom

oiks was throwing a tantrum and just crying bc you would be separated while you were just clinging on to him, thinking he would disappear

‘no! n/n-chan and me are going together! im not going if shes not!’

‘now, now, tooru, youre both going to be apart for only a few hours’

‘mommy i dont want to leave tooru-kun’

‘youll walk home together, baby’

i would cry too

so yall developed a routine that tooru would go to your school to pick you up and you guys would walk home together

again, explain to me how little 6 year olds are able to walk to and from school

he would always hold your hand to keep you beside him and you would swing your hands while humming a tune

‘ugh, i hate being so far away from you n/n-chan’

you sighed but gave him a bright grin

‘i do too. but we have to wait until we’re older so we can be together forever! mommy tells me that her and papa were not together for a long time but after school, they are now together forever. so once we finish school, i can be with you whenever i want!’

tooru nodded, a determined smile on his face

‘we’re going to be like mommy and papa. we will be together forever and we’ll have our own house and we’re going to die together!’

bls theyre like 6 and already practically thinking about marriage and they dont even know it

sometimes, if you both have leftover money, you would both go to a convenience store, Sakanoshita Market, and buy milk bread

‘mister, you dont have anymore?’

‘sorry, kid, now go on and have real dinner!’

you both lived in each other’s houses and sometimes, your parents would even wonder if they have a child bc you would disappear off to the oikawa’s house or the l/n’s

when he met iwa, ngl, you were jealous

even though you have the best friends rights due to being friends since day 1, you were still worried about being replaced

ofc oiks knew about that concern and kept you from being left out so he constantly dragged you to play with him and iwa

they developed an interest in volleyball and you wanted to hang out with them so you sometimes tossed the ball to tooru who would set it to iwa

whenever they wanted to do something else, you would always suggest going on an adventure

meaning going to the park

uwu kids are so cute

your little trio formed and soon, you three were the closest

despite going to different elementary schools, you still found ways to hang out together

however,

instead of you being jealous of being cast aside by oiks

it was him being worried that he was going to be replaced by iwa

it became apparent when iwa mentioned about going over to your house on friday to study something

and tooru is petty so he was mad that you didnt invite him

there was no way he was going to let iwa take you from him bc he knew you first and he was the first one to announce his intention of getting married to you in the future

he was yours and you were his, plain and simple

he went to your house unannounced and used his key to enter the house

your mom peaked from the kitchen and greeted him

‘oh, hello, tooru-kun! y/n is upstairs studying’

he nodded and went up to your room where you were reading some notes while doing some homework

‘y/n-chan’

you looked up to him standing at your doorway

your eyes lit up and your cheeks flared to see him

bahahaha yes feelings

‘tooru-kun!’

his face crumpled up and he tackled you, hugging the life out of you tightly

‘y/n-chan! dont leave me! youre mine, not iwa-chans! im better than iwa-chan, okay?!’

ofc you were just confused but tooru was weird and youve learned to accept that over the years

‘tooru, we’ve been friends longer. i’ll always be yours and youre mine too so youre always going to be first’

he was all teary eyed when you said that and demanded cuddles and a movie after making him run all the way from iwa’s house

‘but i didnt ask you to, though’

‘you were still the reason i had to run so take responsibility!’

he might be a handful but he was oikawa tooru and you love him otherwise

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

as yall were settled and the beginning of e.t begins

baby oikawa was absolutely in love with that movie fite me

he asked you why you didnt invite him to study with iwa

you stopped and looked at him confusingly

‘tooru-kun, youre good at science aren’t you? iwa’s this 👌 close to failing just bc he mixes up solid, liquid, and gas’

this is a random fact that i made up so pls dont blast me about this !!!

oikawa stops then just doubles over laughing

‘ohmygod! iwa-chan!’

yall know that arm wrestling video and his stage actor just yelling out iwa-chan? yes im imagining that

you looked at tooru weirdly

‘hm, laughing over your friend’s demise, okay’

needless to say, oiks called you during lunch and sounded like he was running and it was bc he was being chased by haji-kun after he made fun of him

‘ugh y/n! why did you tell him that!’

‘i mean,,,, its pretty embarrassing’

now comes middle school!!!

!!!!

yall are finally able to be in the same middle school as your friends!!!

you were so excited and you wouldnt shut up about it bc youve been looking forward to the day that yall get to be together everyday

not that you didnt have friends in your old school,

you just preferred being with the guys since you werent into the girly things yourself

and you get to see tooru everyday since he was in your class

oiks and iwa immediately wanted to join the volleyball club and they were soon accepted so it was only normal for you to be in practice a lot

you didnt join a club since none really interested you so it was okay for you to go the gym and do your homework while they practice

there was no choice on staying either since you usually walked home with them since oiks lived next door and iwa hung out at either your place or his

the current manager of the team noticed your friendship and frequent appearances so she asked you to be the manager rather than just being there

you didnt really have a choice bc oiks agreed for you and excitedly told you that you were going to be with them for the next 3 years

‘everyone! thank you for the past 3 years!’

hehe i just died inside

tooru was so happy that you would be in volleyball bc that was two favorite things lumped into the best 3 hours of his life: volleyball and you

so thus started your managerial duties

you became friends with the team but was closer to the first years

you quite literally watched them grow into amazing volleyball players and you sometimes cried along with them when they either got hurt or lost

specifically during the shiratorizawa match

it was then that you were sure of your feelings for your best friend

as he wept in the locker room, you stayed by the door, unsure if you should go in or not

but the others have gone to the bus already and iwa wanted you to go and get oiks ready so they could leave

so, you entered the room and your heart dropped, not even noticing the nasty smell of sweat in the boys locker room

he was hunched over the bench, a towel over his head

sure, he was just a first year and he has more opportunities to win

but it was the first time oiks experienced such a loss

and that smug look that ushijima gave him as he sat on the floor

you saw the defeated look as you stood with the coach at the bench

rushing forward and kneeling in front of him, you hugged him tightly

he cried, both defeated and embarrassed, but he didnt let go

it was then that you vowed to be there for him whenever this happens

every loss, every defeat, youll be there

it was painful and you had a feeling that this crush on him would make it harder in the future but you didnt care

bc tooru looked the most beautiful when he smiled

by now, second year has started

youve obviously noticed that your now second year friends are working much harder

and they were gaining more popularity

bc this was the age where puberty starts hitting everyone and lets just say god decided to bless the volleyball team

it shouldnt have surprised you that they were going to be known in the school or prefecture bc they were talented and handsome

perfect recipe for a dream boy

what was only a confession every few weeks or so, turned into nearly a dozen in a WEEK

dw you got some too!!

as a manager, you knew it was going to be a hard job being the only female in a team full of boys

but you didnt expect it to be this bad

girls would corner you in every hallway, outside or inside, to either give you their love letters to oikawa or to threaten you to stay away from their grand king

lmao king okay

and dw, you told them to catch you outside by chipotle after school but they didnt show up

that nickname seemed to get into oikawa’s ego as he told you about his love for that term

as you three walked home, oikawa was telling you about this one girl who called him her king and he giggled at the thought

‘she told me that she wanted to be my princess! but i told her i was a king so she should settle for a prince like iwa-chan’

you laughed at iwa’s angry face

‘shittykawa why am i downgraded?! you think youve above me or something?!’

‘PRINCE IWA-CHAN! HAIL PRINCE IWA-CHAN!’

you howled causing iwa to glare at you

‘not you too y/n!’

you were laughing so hard that your face was red and it got worse when iwa gave you a noogie

but little do you know, oikawa was looking at you at the side, trying to gauge your reaction

you didnt seem to be bothered at the fact that some girl wanted him to be theirs

that was why he frequently told you about his confessions

tooru wanted to know if you still felt the same about him being always yours by telling you stories about the girls and if you were jealous or not

but you remained indifferent and just laughed along

however, you WERE jealous but you didnt show it

youre like ‘im a bad bih you cant kill me’

with all these much prettier girls and talented girls than you, you were sure he would find somebody else

as long as he was happy and smiling, you were going to be just fine

again, another PSA! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT BC YOU ARE THE KWEEN TO GRAND KING TOORU AND YOU RULE THE WORLD BC YOU ARE A BAD BIH AND YOU WILL NOT BE KILLED BY INSECURITIES!!

tooru was lowkey hurt about you blushing with iwa and not being bothered about the threat that was looming in the distance

so he practiced more, slightly regreting now that you were in the team

he was being an insecure little bean again and suddenly hes thinking that you and iwa seem to be interacting more (even though you werent) and he was being jealous and this caused him to be slightly more irritated

with all of his practicing, he ends up hurting himself more often like bruises and such

that worried you deeply bc he was practicing too much and pushing himself way too hard and you knew he would combust any moment now

this energy seeped into the others and theyve begun to be more intense during practice and you were sure they were wearing themselves out

youve expressed your concern to the coach about the bruises on their skin and their wincing at every movement

‘the solution to this, y/n-chan, is to study about this and be the medic that helps heal our soldiers’

with that request, youve started taking more trips to the library, staying up late reading medical articles, and buying pain relievants and medical tape

this was when you decided you wanted to be a sports therapist or an injury related profession in the future

so you were obviously prepared when you caught oiks practicing late again

you were actually stocking up some medical supplies when you were passing by the gym and found it still open with lights

he was practicing those damn service serves again and you were starting to get irritated when he didnt listen to you about not pushing himself too hard

‘tooru-kun, lets go home’

your voice resounded from the loud sounds of the balls hitting either the floor or wall

he gritted his teeth

‘i need to do this. i need to be strong enough to beat ushijima. i need-’

‘tooru-kun, let’s go home’

(reference)

but he didnt listen to you and spiked once more but he didnt land back on his feet

but on his knee

tooru made a sound of pain

your heart started beating really fast and you busted out your bag that had emergency supplies

tooru saw you kneeling beside him and for a second, the pain subsided and he was only focused on you

the way your stray hairs from your bun framed your face and the delicate eyes that were so focused on bunching up your kita jacket and using it to elevate the sprained knee

‘ice. i need ice’

you kept mumbling and was about to stand up but his hand flies to clutch your arm

‘y/n-chan, please dont leave me’

‘but its going to swell-’

‘i dont care. i need you right now so dont leave me alone’

you stared at each other, one slightly irritated while one was begging

‘i told you that you were going to hurt yourself if you push too far and look where you are’

‘but it hurts and i need affection to cool it down’

‘N O, tooru, what you need is proper treatment’

‘cuddles are considered treatment, you know’

‘we’re literally in the middle of the gym-’

‘i dont care’

he gave you those puppy eyes and you harshly looked away to the side

then you sighed before sitting down behind him and holding him in your arms

he was content with your affection and your familiar cherry blossom perfume engulfing his senses

his back was rested against your front uncomfortably while your arms were around his middle where his fingers played with your hands

it was silent for a moment except for his occasional hisses of pain but he decided this might be the time

at this point, he was hurt already so he doesnt care if youd reject him since the pain in his knee would cover the pain of his heart

hes like 14 what he poetic and deep for

‘ne, n/n-chan’

‘hm’

‘go out with me?’

your arms tensed and he squeezed his eyes shut, prepared for the rejection

‘only if you stop doing these late practices bc i want to have dates with you after school’

oml oikawa was so happy

like so happy that he just turns around excitedly and hugs you, competely forgeting about the pain in his knee

‘omg tooru your knee!’

‘ow! ugh!’

so thus began your relationship

anon, im very reluctant to make this fluff to angst

he stuck to his word of not going too far with his late practices and yall often had dates at the park, the convenience store, or just at home

ofc it wasnt everyday but it was close to it

everything was great in the world bc you had your best friend as your boyfriend and he made you so happy

during the summer, you began being an apprentice to your uncle’s clinic to further advance your knowledge in the medical field

that meant less time to spend with tooru which meant sulky tooru

this often caused arguments between you two since he always brought it up

‘n/n-chan, i miss you!’

‘i miss you too, tooru-kun. but i have to continue this so that i can be a better medic for the team!’

‘but i matter more than the team! n/n-chan!’

that was his problem. he thought that now you were dating, youd be revolving him 24/7 and he was everything you thought about

but you still had a life to live and prepare for

you sighed before sitting next to tooru on the floor

‘i finish at 2. then we can go get some milk bread and hike up that trail in time to see the sunset. sound good?’

that made him brighten up and you were dreading of repeating this same cycle again in a few days

but you actually liked this boy and even could say you love him despite his clingy and slightly obsessive personality

when your third year rolled around, oikawa was finally the captain of the team

you were now on the hunt of another manager to take over for next year but so far, its been hard

theyve all been fascinated by the boys, especially oikawa, making it a hard task

during the practice, you notice that tooru has been different

to the others, he was fine

but to this one student, kageyama tobio, he was cold

harsh, even

it wasnt like him to treat his kouhais like that so you were confused and obviously worried for a player on your team

you pulled him aside one day and you asked him what was going on

‘tooru, why are you being mean to kageyama?’

he just smiled, but it was much more different

like a whole different smile youve never seen

‘hes the first setter ive met who is an underclassman. im just trying to toughen him up and shape him to his potential’

but you crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow

‘by criticizing every single movement he makes like breathing? by constantly embarrassing him in front of the others? by isolating him from everyone else?’

his eyes twitched and his grin got wider as he gently held your hands

‘we’ll talk about this later, n/n-chan, kay? now, i need to get back to practice as captain and you can continue being the manager’

to be honest, you were kinda pissed

‘no, tooru. you need to stop-’

‘y/n? stop it. this is a stupid thing to argue about so drop it’

boi watch yo mouth

but you didnt push further to not make a scene so you went to kindaichi and gave him his bottle and a towel to kunimi

it was tense between you and oikawa for the next few days

the team could pick up on the weird energy but refused to say anything because hello you were their mom and oikawa was their captain

but iwa didnt care so he straight up asked yall as you were taking spiking notes

‘oi y/n, shittykawa, did you argue or something? its kinda tense in here’

the entire team froze and even the coach looked between you two

lmao i love the coach

‘hm, y/n-chan and i just disagreed on something, didn’t we, y/n-chan?’

oikawa turned and gave you a grin

to others, it wouldve looked real and so convincing

but to you, you knew it was fake

thinking back on it, you shouldve known that was the beginning of his new persona

whenever you pointed it out, he would deflect and you wouldnt stop until he told you what was going on resulting more fights bc he was not doing his vital share in this relationship: communicate

‘tooru, listen to me!’

‘no, y/n-chan. im busy so later’

then it became like that

‘later, y/n-chan’

‘after this spike’

soon after, it felt like you didnt even have a boyfriend anymore

even iwa was starting to notice something weird since oiks was doing this to him too

he was distant, focusing too much time on volleyball which took a toll on his health

and he was getting angrier at tobio for unknown reasons

but these reasons soon came to light when that unfortunate day came

you were waiting for oikawa to finish up his practice so you could also pack up the balls and go home

iwa was already packing up to leave so it was only you oikawa and tobio remaining in the gym

youve talked to kageyama about tooru before and you encouraged him to ask oiks how to serve bc he was really good at it

today he was asking again but you already knew that he was going to refuse him like he has before

but you didnt see this coming

you saw him start to raise his hand with this manic look in his eyes and your eyes widened, running full speed towards kageyama

nYOOM

we finna change this up so buckle up babes

instead of kageyama, you pushed him aside so you took the hit

the force and the intensity of the slap was equivalent to the ones he used to his serves causing you to fly to the floor

you were breathing heavy, tears threatening to fall from the throbbing pain on your face, yet you didnt move

then your head turned to look at kageyama before giving him a nod and a smile

‘g-go to iwaizumi, tobio. he’ll take you home, kay?’

he looked unsure, looking between you and oikawa but your long blink and small smile told him that you would be okay

he ran to the exit and disappeared from view

it was now just you and oikawa

on the other hand, he remained frozen

he didnt know if he should grovel on his knees or cry to forgive him

‘n/n-chan-’

‘dont’

in all the years youve known each other,

from the very beginning in your diapers,

youve never spoken to him in such anger, venom, and hurt

‘dont say another word to me. dont apologize to me. i did what a normal person would do and protect an innocent child from something he doesnt deserve. he was just a child, tooru’

you stood up, eyes still not meeting his, instead focusing on his taped fingers that used to hold your hands with such gentleness and touch you so softly

‘what happened to you, tooru?’

you whimpered, arms wrapping around yourself

he was lost

he didnt know what to do

he had his own tears falling and he stepped forward in instinct to go to your arms but you flinched and backed away

that caused him to sob before throwing himself on the floor in front of you

‘y/n, please. y/n forgive me. i didnt mean to! please, y/n!’

part of you wanted to think that he was just so stressed out for the incoming interhigh that he wasnt thinking straight

but you knew you were just making excuses

this relationship started falling apart the moment you started your third year and you were just trying to hold it together

it was like holding water on your palms yet ignoring the water that was spilling on the side

you can only ignore it for a short while until eventually, the water is not there anymore and youre suddenly asking yourself, ‘where did it go?’

and now youre asking yourself, where did you go wrong?

was it your fault?

‘tooru, for months, ive made excuses for you. many times ive tried to sort out our problems, yet you always made excuses to not talk about it. it takes two to dance in a relationship yet it feels like im just dragging you in circles. we’re going in circles, tooru!’

he looked up at you, slowly standing on his feet with hands hovering over your shoulders, afraid to touch you

‘i can make this right, y/n. forever, right? you promised me years ago that we’d be together forever! we would get married a-and live together and be like mom and papa, right?!’

you choked back a sob at his face

he looked like someone else

he wasnt your tooru

he was the oikawa tooru that held you as you tried to walk

the one that pulled you back up to bed when you rolled off

the one who purposely tripped himself during your first year when you slipped so that you wouldnt be embarrassed in front of everyone

this was a selfish, jealous, tooru

the same look he gave you when he found out that you were studying with iwa without him

‘you hated tobio because he was a good setter, right? you were jealous and scared that he would take your place? was that it, tooru?’

that was then he really realized that you were the only one who could read him like you were reading a book

a single glance and you knew right away

and you calling him out on it allowed him to figure out why he truly didnt like tobio

and it was embarrassing that you said it out loud

and when oikawa tooru was embarrassed or flustered, he deflects

and it usually ends up badly

‘jealous? dont make me laugh!’

he scoffed while you glared at him

‘then what was it, then tooru? why did you do that, huh? because by the way youre acting right now, youre nothing but a green-filled monster. man, you seriously their captain?’

‘shut up, y/n!’

his personality took a whole 360 and you stepped back, scared he would lash out again

‘you dont know anything! you dont know how its like to feel second place from that bastard ushijima. you dont know how its like to feel threatened that your own kouhai could possibly be better than you. you dont know how it feels like to not feel enough no matter how many hours you practice or serves you hit. you dont know anything, y/n-chan’

he hissed and you shook your head in disbelief

‘so to satisfy your own insecurities, you hurt and put down others just so you could feel better about yourself. that just proves you are no longer the tooru i know.’

‘well i dont need you, then!’

you were taken aback by his shouts, composure now broken

‘im not him anymore so you either take whats in front of you or leave!’

at his suggestion, you narrowed your eyes

‘dont make me say my choice because you already know what im going to say’

despite knowing youd say that, part of him still wanted you to at least stay

but he was hurt and he wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt him

‘then leave! i dont need a distraction in my life anymore! you no longer satisfy me! so go!’

the tears now fell and you opened your mouth to say something but you closed it, replacing it with a sob

you bit your lip to compose yourself and swallowed that lump on your throat

‘fine. we’re done, oikawa tooru. and im sorry if i was a distraction to you for the entire 15 years of life we spent together. i can assure you that you will no longer have to put up with me’

then you left

nyoom?

you tried not to think about it bc you were only 15 and you were young so this wouldnt be the last time youd feel love

but not only did you lose a boyfriend, but you lost your best friend

and this is when you realized that best friends are only meant to be best friends

nothing more, nothing less

your parents knew nothing of what transpired and blamed your bruise at running into something bc you didnt want to strain the friendship your mother and his had if they found out her son hit you

family dinners were awkward and your parents kept asking until theyve just figured out that you were fighting

for the rest of your lives

iwa didnt know either

you made kageyama swear to you that he wouldnt say anything and you were relieved that it wasnt his business to say anything to someone else anyways

it was a secret that remains between the three of you

all was known was that you and oikawa broke up and you acted like he wasnt even there

if you had a problem, you went to iwaizumi since he was the vice captain

other than that, you no longer interacted with oikawa

it was an obvious thing that you wouldnt go to seijoh and your families were confused, wondering what the heck happened

‘y/n? youve wanted to go with tooru to seijoh since you were younger so what changed?’

‘people change’

tooru changed

instead, you went to karasuno

it was a suggestion from the guy in the milk bread store after you expressed your dilemma of finding a high school

‘karasuno’s right up there, kid. it’s not that far of a walk, right?’

‘i guess youre right’

during your first day of high school, you were shutting the gate when you saw iwaizumi and oikawa by his door

iwaizumi raised a hand in greeting and you smiled at him before walking down the road

‘i still wont force you to tell me but just know, you either fix it or get over her’

iwaizumi cautions tooru who kept his eyes on your slowly getting smaller figure

‘but i cant fix it this time’

you disassociated yourself from volleyball for the rest of years until a good friend of yours, kiyoko, asked you to help her manage the boys

she asked you to just help her out during your last year and you agreed since shes done a lot of things for you over the years

‘we have a practice match with aoba johsai on tuesday so you think you can come then?’

you froze, not knowing what to say

but its been years and you no longer cared

besides, you still felt protective towards one of your former baby chicks kageyama and him being there with that guy worried you

so you agreed

on your way there, kageyama stuck close to you since you were the only one he trusted there

‘are you okay with this, y/n-san?’

you squeezed his arm with a smile

‘it’s okay, tobio. besides, iwa told me that kindaichi and kunimi are there and i miss them so’

the boys and you started unloading their bags and kiyoko asked you to go and fill their bottles in case

the gray-haired setter, you knew as sugawara koushi, accompanied you to carry them so you were filling them up as he held the container of empty bottles

‘the boys are going to be good, you know. and dont worry about kageyama. hes extremely talented and we could win easily’

you gave him a reassuring smile and he nodded

‘i have faith in our firs-’

‘y/n’

a voice from behind you made the hair on your arms stand and you saw him there

he was shocked to see you there bc last thing he knew from iwa, you no longer had anything to do with volleyball

but here you were, in his castle, with an unknown person beside you

suga noticed your tense form and placed the box on the floor

he put a hand on your shoulder and made you face him

‘you know him, y/n?’

but you only gave oikawa one more look

‘no. not anymore’

oikawa screamed

yall that one last line is not relevant to the story but i put it there since someone pointed out that oikawa was always screaming and i thought that was a funny comment

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thepoodlepack · 4 years ago

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What's wrong with goldenpoodles? I'm genuinely curious because almost all of my dogs are mixed breeds and behave fine. So I'm curious if there's something else I'm missing

jeez this feels like bait but u kno what, you got me

alright, so it goes like this. the doodle really began with a guy in australia being like i need the temperament of a lab for a guide dog but these ppl are allergic to dogs, so i need a poodle bc they have hair, not fur. so he bred em together. years later he’s like damn that was a mistake.

now, why, exactly? alright so first of all he only needed that mix bc labs on average tend to adapt better to situations that are largely exclusive to service dog work than poodles do. i can go into what this means at a later date, but that’s basically how it is. but either way, people jumped on this creation and it kinda spiraled out of control. soon, poodles were being bred by everyone and every breed. suddenly, they were a marketing scam more then they were a dog breed.

oh theyre hypoallergenic! all of them, all the time cause zero allergies! look theyre so much better than poodles! theyre friendly and easy to train, not like poodles of course, just like labs! they’re better than labs bc none of them shed, ever! they’re super healthy bc breeding labs and poodles together wipes out all their health problems, of course!

lies, lies lies. the aussie guy, whose name i’m not going to look up bc i’m lazy but who you can find if you google creator of doodles, straight up says that even the first litter(s) of labradoodles he bred had puppies that the people he bred them for were allergic to. he very carefully tested the litter and the reaction the person had before placing a puppy that was not going to hurt them.

think of the punnet squares we all learned about in 5th grade science class. you draw the squares and one parent has two fur genes and the other parent has two hair genes and what do you get? well if you have four puppies, one might have hairhair and the next one might have hairfur and the next one might have furhair and the next one might have furfur. and so guess what? only hairhair pup is going to be the best choice for allergic people. additionally, you can see why the non-shedding thing can be bullshit, and that in particular is also a guessing game. you may be able to test allergy sufferers against the pups, but that does not necessarily mean they won’t shed. hairfur, for example, may be a good choice for some allergic people, but perhaps they’ve got just enough fur to shed anyway. also, lets look at salukis (and frankly, most long-haired sighthounds). salukis are still considered dogs with fur, not hair. they also still shed, even though it’s just a little. and yet they’re still considered good for allergy sufferers.

(ps poodles do actually shed. but they shed like humans shed. your hair comes out, doesn’t it? like, esp folks with long hair, aren’t people always complaining how you clog the shower drain? yeah, like that. ALSO obviously the situation is more complicated then super simple punnet squares and as an ex-groomer i have something to say about doodle coats but i’m going to save that for later, put a pin in it.)

oh and wait a hot minute there. i said best choice, didn’t i, not hypoallergenic. well, that’s because no dog is hypoallergenic. poodles, and a few other dog breeds, they have hair, like we do. but the thing is both humans and breeds with hair still produce the dander, though they’re different kinds. breeds with hair happen to produce the least amount possible that dogs can produce, which is why they’re a better choice for allergy sufferers, but that’s still not a guarantee. my roommate Dakota is allergic to dogs. if i don’t wash my dogs for an extended period of time (which has never happened, ever, in my life, idk what ur talking about), thus giving the chance for the dander my dogs still produce, he will have a very, very mild reaction when touching them. it can be countered by him washing his hands after touching them and also me just giving them a fucking bath, i need to stop forgetting, but still, there you go. ALSO people might not be allergic to dogs bc of their dander. they might be allergic to the saliva of dogs, which poodles or any other breed with hair still produces about the same as other dogs. so, yeah, not hypoallergenic, not at all.

the people who taut their hypoallergenic dogs for sale largely don’t do the testing required to check if they’re actually providing a dog to someone who won’t react to it. not acceptable at all.

so, labs are friendly and easy to train right? not at all like poodles, right? no. absolutely incorrect. some labs are friendly and easy to train. some labs, a lot of them when they’re puppies, are nightmare fuel. personally, i have a theory that everyone’s vision of labs in their heads are either a) service dogs or b) those old labs who are slightly pudgy (or morbidly obsess, which is a different topic) and who are graying in the face and just want to lounge around because they’re seniors now. alright, so here’s why thats bad. labs are a working breed. a retrieving breed. they’re supposed to be bulky and strong and driven. service dogs are highly trained, to a point that most pet dogs will never see, and if you see them with their actual disabled handler, they’ll probably be around 2.5 yrs of age and out of their most wild days. old labs are well. old. sleepy. maybe a bit achey. and well out of their most wild days. oh, and it’s the same type of thing with goldens by the way, the other most popular doodle type. poodles are also easy to train, especially if their parents have a decent temperament. they’re all about equal if you actually start training them when they’re puppies and just pay for some training classes, like everyone should. in the puppy classes i’m in right now, Euphoria is leaps and bounds ahead of doodles, goldens, and labs that are her age or older. I train her properly and she’s got amazing parents. that’s it, that’s the trick. not breed, not necessarily, and def not in this case.

I am once again going to say that labs and goldens are more often used as service dogs than poodles because of their adaptability, but it’s the ability to adapt to situations that most pet dogs will never have to worry about.

jeez this is a long post. i’ve still got more to cover too. alright, on to super healthy, or “hybrid vigor” as the nerds call it. uhh, it’s bullshit. thank u for ur time.

okay, but actually why on gods green earth would breeding two completely different breeds with little to no research make them super healthy? now i want to preface this with i’m (generally) pro-outcross projects. Euphoria’s dad is half mini poodle and half standard poodle, which isn’t technically an outcross bc all the variations are of the same breed, but if we’re going by genetic diversity alone minis and standards are different enough to actually be different breeds.

so, to be clear, outcrosses, given the proper thought and planning: good, results in healthier dogs (see: lua dals). randomly breeding two very different breeds together with no planning other than to sell the puppies to randos who won’t continue the outcross: bad. especially when you’re doing it to cash in and don’t health test at all, or don’t health test the major health problems with both breeds (if you’re doing an f2 breeding or anything like that). no the poodle’s health problems don’t get canceled out by the goldens or labs or whatever the other party’s health problems are, and vice versa. and yeah, i’ve looked at a lot of doodle breeder’s websites and yeah, most of them don’t health test at all, or at least don’t health test properly. do you know i own one doodle and currently live with another? yeah, i got them both from breeders and do you know how much health testing their parents got? if your answer is none, good job, you’ve been paying attention. in my defense, i was like 13, i didn’t know what i was doing.

alright, so those are the big points. this is kinda gonna be just... a mix of my other complaints. here we go, hope you’re ready for more. argument the first: i feel like it’s pretty disrespectful to reputable breeders. now, i actually have two reasons why that is. reason one: most reputable poodle breeders don’t want their breeding stock bred with other breeds, for various reasons. i’ve even met a few who used to be okay with it and then as the doodle scam got bigger and more out of control, they stopped being okay with it, even to the breeders who they had been fine with it in the past. that means a lot of doodle breeders out there have their breeding stock because they scammed poodle breeders into giving them pet quality, not breeding quality, dogs or because they’re getting their stock from non-reputable breeders. i also feel it’s disrespectful to breeders who are actually trying to create new breeds. quite frankly, a breed with the size, strength, and adaptability of a lab or golden that doesn’t shed and that has the train-ability of a poodle, lab, or golden sounds pretty interesting to me. did you know you can actually make that breed? and it wouldn’t be a cross with unpredictable... well, everything. it would actually be a true dog breed.

Look at Silken Windhounds and Biewer Terriers who began both development in the 1980s. Biewer Terriers were recognized by the AKC this year, and Silken Windhounds still haven’t been. And yeah, that’s the problem isn’t it? Making a real new breed takes a lot of time, planning, and care. People would rather just cash in. I think it’s sad and I think it’s disrespectful to the breeders who do work so hard to make actual new breeds.

and finally, unpin being an ex-groomer goddamnit. guess what? doodles are awful to groom! they’re terrible on the grooming tables because people want to have in both ways: they want a dog that doesnt shed at all and they want a dog who doesn’t need to be groomed. well guess what, that dog doesn’t exist and you can have it only one way. and also, bring back the goddamn punnet squares because a lot of doodles have awful coats. if you have hairfur and furhair over there, guess what, their coat fucking sucks bc it’s not meant to be like that. it wants to mat bc hair but also it wants the mats to slide out bc short-ish fur but its too thick for the mats to slide out bc thick hair. and yes its more complicated then this and that means its often more awful then this. its awful, it makes me want to cry. and maybe it’s slightly easier to get away with it with a shorthaired dog like a lab, or, you know what, even a golden, okay, even a slightly long haired dog like a golden but people are doodling akitas? border collies? bernese fucking mountain dogs? i am crying. i am crying right now as i type this.

lets do a sum up to this disaster of a post. look, i don’t go out there attacking or yelling at every doodle or every doodle owner i see, alright? or any of them really. i might engage in conversation to one that’s interested, but that’s it. i love my doodly Isis, okay? shes tiny and she’s adorable and I love her more than life and i will never, ever get another doodle. i don’t like the way they’ve gotten so prolific, i don’t like the reasons they’re now widespread, and i don’t like almost all of the people that create them, including the ones i’ve literally given my (parents) money to in the past. i wish they were better but i just cannot approve of them, especially not in the environment they exist in now. that said, i do support them in their original use case as assistance dogs, and i do not care about them if they’re shelter dogs.

#long post #anti doodle #text #my post #yes this took me like an hour #yes i do hate myself for it #Anonymous #oh anon im being grumpy mostly for comedy thats only funny to me #you're fine as long as you werent trying to bait me

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