#Cíara tag

[kim-ruzek]

Hey Ree.

Will you tell me how you think Al would react to the engagement? For my own amusement.

This is just you trying to get my mind inspire to write witsec!al, isn't it? I know your game and I am watching you 👀

Firstly, I believe that if Al was still here, Adam would've talked to Al about potentially proposing to Kim again. Al, of course, would tell him that marrying (and renewing their vows, because that's what they would've done obviously had he not died, I know this you see) Meredith was one of the best decisions of his life and that if he (adam) thinks Kim will go for it, that's what he should do.

After getting engaged, there's five people Adam and Kim will want to tell, specially. Mack, Kev, Trudy and Al (fifth being Hailey because Kim would want to make sure she can tell her in a way that's mindful of Hailey depending she's going through a divorce).

So with all this in mind, there's a couple of different ways that I can see them telling him, but how he reacts remains the same. He gives them that rare, genuine smile of his, and tells them he's happy for them and they can just tell, he thoroughly means it and he tells Kim she'll make a beautiful bride. He will also tell Adam just how proud he is of the man he has become. There will be hugs (look, adam could not Not hug his dad and neither could kim).

Now i'm of two minds who would walk Kim down the aisle, Trudy or Al. But if Al was still alive, I'm leaning more towards him (and then he stands by Adam's side, Trudy by hers as MOH and Kev as officiant, i don't make up the rules) and if that's the case, after telling him, I can see Kim pulling him to one side and asking him. She's respectful and tells him that she also has Trudy as an option so he doesn't feel obliged but he just looks at her with those eyes, full of emotion, and tells her he would be honoured.

Thank you for asking my darling! Your obvious masterplan has worked, I now wanna write my (many) witsec!al fics :)

[gregorygerwitz]

Kim Burgess + 🏳️‍🌈

*gently holds this up* I just think she’s neat

[kim-ruzek]

FUCK YEAH, CÍARA!!!!!

With the insane amount of interviews I’ve read today, I’m saying this once. I understand these characters like I fucking wrote the show, and if anyone comes into my inbox talking shit about Adam Ruzek again, I’m taking no prisoners.

I’m fucking back. Because my babies are coparenting and love each other AND I CALLED THIS ENTIRE ARC PERFECTLY

[callmewrinkles3]

Hey, this is the first time I've ever sent a msg on Tumblr but it's just to say that I made an Apple Music playlist based on your Daniel and Emmy story, Call it what you want. I've started reading and I'm literally obsessed cause your writing is jyst so amazing and the storytelling is just so pretty 🩷. It's just for me to listen to while reading but if you want me to take it down I can. I've given credits and your tag in the bio of it and if you want I can private it no problem. Just wanted to let you know haha. This is the link btw: https://music.apple.com/gb/playlist/call-it-what-you-want/pl.u-9N9LvdpFx9kxxzG?ls

Thanks for writing!!!!

So it’s Sunday morning and I’m crying this is so lovely?!?! And the fact that you ordered the songs for how the fics are supposed to be read?!?! It is amazing thank you!!! If people want to listen to it you can listen here.

I (Cíara) actually have a Spotify playlist made for the fic! There’s some stuff that has relevance to other parts, and some songs that mean something to us for the fic but hasn’t been revealed yet. You can listen to that one here too.

[deanstead]

Because it’s forever since you wrote for him!

Your eyes filled with tears as you stared at Adam, shock on his face from your words.

@fighterkimburgess Okay, I have an Adam WIP i havent posted, i promise! I'm just in the 'this feels weird, am i doing this right' stage (what's new lol) anyway this is unedited and it's almost 1am in case this doesn't make a lot of logical sense lol.

Your eyes filled with tears as you stared at Adam, shock on his face from your words.

"I was afraid to tell you. I didn't know how you were going to react, what you would think and I just..."

Adam hadn't said anything, so you took an unsteady step backwards, steeling yourself for him to walk out and not look back.

But when Adam finally moved, it wasn't away. He stepped closer towards you, closing the gap between the both of you in a second, his arms finding their way around your body once more.

You felt the tears finally escape from where they were pooled in your eyes, falling down your cheeks but your face was already securely buried into Adam's shoulder as he held you against him.

"You can always tell me anything." Adam whispered, his voice low but steady and clear. "And I will always be here."

"Still?" Your voice shook a little.

"Y/N. Your past is just that - past. It makes you who you are, and I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world. I'm not going anywhere." Adam answered, moving backwards just a little to press a kiss to your temple before he pulled you deeper into his embrace.

send me an ask with the first sentence of a fanfic and I’ll write the next five-ish.

[sylvies-chen]

Call Me That (Your Dad)

Summary: Makayla wants Adam to come to her class for a daddy-daughter dance at her 2nd grade graduation party.

Word count: ~4K

Warnings: Fluff that will rot your teeth

A/N: This was inspired by the dance with Al and Lexi in 1x04 during my rewatch of PD but I tailored it a little to fit Adam and Makayla. It’s unedited so apologies in advance. Also, if you listen to “Piece by Piece” by Kelly Clarkson when you read this, you’ll cry. It is absolutely inevitable :)

AO3 link

********

“We need to talk.”

Adam’s unpacking the takeout breakfast he picked up from Yolk when he hears the words come out of Kim’s mouth. It’s supposed to be a regular Sunday brunch with his two favourite girls but those words, strung together in that exact order, can never mean anything good.

Things have been going well recently. Really well. He and Makayla get along nicely— in fact, he’s not sure he could love that little girl any more than he already does— and things with him and Kim are… Well, he has no clue. They’re the same as they’ve always been, he supposes: in a wonderfully confusing grey area. There’s this middle zone they always seem to fall in, a no man’s land of relationship ambiguity. He doesn’t mind it though, really, which is why he’s been able to go about things as normal. This big round thing they’ve created for Makayla is comfortable; it’s rewarding. He doesn’t quite know what he is to either Kim or Makayla in terms of labels and specifics, but for the first time in a long time, he’s content not knowing. That’s why Kim’s worried look and her ominous request to “talk” comes as such a surprise.

“Uh oh, this can’t mean anything good.” He continues unpacking pancakes and syrup from the paper bags and putting them down on the counter, then turns his attention to Kim again. She’s sporting one of his flannel shirts and a pair of baggy sweatpants as he usually does during their lazy weekend mornings with Makayla, but when it comes in a combo with furrowed brows, a lip being gnawed at, and studious eyes as if sizing him up, the outfit is the last thing he notices.

“Makayla’s 2nd grade graduation party is coming up,” she starts, with a voice that’s trying too hard to be breezy and ends up coming out all wobbly.

“I know that,” he confirms with a kind (albeit confused) nod. “It’s been marked on that little calendar of yours for three weeks now and I promised you I’d be there. Booked the day off and everything.”

“Right. It’s just…” Her voice hesitates for a second when Adam pops open the lid of pancakes. The sound echoes momentarily but when it stops, she continues. “Well, it’s supposed to be a nice little party in the gymnasium with the Makayla’s teachers and all the other parents-- y’know, the kids get all dressed up, they get to show off their artwork around the school, stuff like that.”

“Yeah, I’m excited for it. Mak’s been working so hard all year. I still remember that near meltdown she had when they had to make St. Patrick’s Day cards and she crumpled up her paper clover. Girl’s a perfectionist, hard working. Just like her mom.”

Adam gives her a wink, thinking maybe a compliment will ease Kim’s nerves. It does for a moment when she blushes and gives a wide smile in response, but her laughter is short-lived. “Yes, well there’s also a father-daughter dance that’s supposed to happen too at one point, just something the teachers thought would be nice. Anyway, I talked to her about it when I got the email from her teacher and, uh… she wants you to do it with her.”

Never has Adam’s body frozen in pace so fast.

His hands stop midway through opening the next lid as his muscles don’t dare to move an inch. He can even feel his eyes go wider and wider as he slowly responds, “She said she wants me to dance with her?”

“Yes.”

“As… her dad?”

“Well I was going to let you guys talk about the label and everything but yeah, I think so,” she confirms, a small smile spreading across her face-- at the idea of Makayla officially calling Adam her dad?-- as she nods. “You don’t have to agree to it if you’re not comfortable with that yet but--”

“No no no,” Adam interjects immediately. “I’d love to do it.”

“Really?” Something hopeful glimmers in Kim’s eyes and she perks up immediately at his words, her ponytail doing a little bounce when she does.

“Of course,” he confirms. “It’d be an honour.”

“Great! She’s going to be so excited,” Kim exclaims. She moves to finish the unpacking of the brunch food, pulling lids off eagerly as she beams from ear to ear. “And are you sure you’re cool with it? Choosing to do a father-daughter dance with her can bring on some confusion if you don’t actually act like, you know… her father.”

Adam considers it for a second. He may not know where he stands with Kim exactly, but he knows for sure he’d like to explore where he stands with Makayla. They’ve been doing this routine of theirs, the three of them, for quite some time now. He’s been avoiding a discussion with her about it for almost just as long. There’s no more putting it off though. Every time he does, every time he starts to walk out the door after saying goodnight and Makayla asks why he isn’t staying like Kim is, it gets a little more confusing for her. That’s on Adam. It’s on Kim too, but mostly on Adam. Besides, he has a shitty, unreliable father. So did she, at one point. All he wants to do is show Mak that a father can stay. So yeah, he thinks. He needs to clear the air with her on what they are to each other. Because even though his relationship with Kim is cloudy, he knows it would still be an honour to call Makayla Ward Burgess anything resembling a daughter.

“Well we’ve been doing this thing with her for a little over a year now, I guess it’s about damn time we start talking about labels with her before she gets too confused. Tell you what,” he posits, “why don’t I pop into her room and ask her? I can have a talk with her about it and then tell her the breakfast is here.”

“And in that order,” she reminds him with a wagging finger. “If you let her know her favourite chocolate chip pancakes are out here waiting for her, she’ll be bolting out that door before she can remember to put on pants.”

“Right, got it,” he chuckles, already taking a few steps backwards and then turning around to head towards Makayla’s room.

He can hear Makayla humming a little tune to herself before he even enters the room. It’s a familiar tune, the song “How Far I’ll Go” from Moana that he’s had to listen to over during their hundredth rewatch. Kim mentioned something about Mak getting dressed though, so he knocks on the door first. “Hey kiddo, it’s me. You decent?”

“Yep! Come in!” She calls out from behind the door, cutting her own humming short.

The door creaks when he opens it and he makes a mental note to himself to fix those rusty hinges soon. When he does enter her room, Makayla’s humming to herself again as she pulls her last sock on. She finishes, then hops off the bed and barrels into him. Her head practically rams itself into his stomach as she wraps her arms around his torso, a soft grunt escaping his throat at the force of her hug. It still doesn’t stop him from rubbing circles on her back and smiling because even when she gets older and bigger and her hugs inevitably develop the ability to tackle him to the ground, he’ll never refuse a hug from her. How could he? She hugs him like he’s about to die every single time. It’s adorable.

“Adam!”

“Hey there, kiddo. Looks like you’ve got a lot of energy today,” he points out. “I love it.”

“I like Sunday brunch,” she shrugs simply, pulling away from the hug after one last squeeze.

“Right, yeah. Me too,” he agrees. “But hey, why don’t you sit down on the bed here for a minute so you and I can talk?”

Makayla doesn’t seem to think much of it, just complies immediately by sitting down on the edge of her bed and says, “Okay.”

Adam takes a deep breath as he sits next to her, awkwardly waiting for the words to come to him. How does he start a conversation like this? It’s not something he’s ever had to do before. It’s new and confusing and wonderful and awkward. Did he mention awkward?

“So listen, you’ve got a pretty awesome graduation party coming up,” he says, figuring it’s best to start out small and work his way up to the main point.

“Yeah! You’re still coming, right?” She looks at him with hopeful, gleaming, expectant eyes. It’s that same sweet puppy dog look Adam knows she learned from Kim, because he never could deny that look.

“Heck yeah, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. It’s not every day you finish second grade,” he assures her with an affirmative nod. She gives a little toothy grin at that, and he keeps going. “Anyway, Kim mentioned there’s a father-daughter dance that you wanted to do with me.”

“Uh-huh,” she nods, her brows now furrowing in confusion.

“Well first off, I want to say that I’d love to dance with you.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, definitely! You’re my best girl, you know I’d pick you as my dance partner any day.” He affirms, then leans in and adds in a whisper, “Just don’t tell Kim.”

That earns a bright and cheerful giggle from Makayla and the moment’s so nice that for a second he considers just leaving it at that. But he’d kick himself later if he doesn’t continue now, so he does just that.

“But I just thought you and I, we should talk about that, y’know?”

“Ok,” she agrees, still confused. “Why?”

“Look, I love you. Kim loves you. There is nothing we wouldn’t do for you. But if I go to this daddy-daughter dance with you, I’d be going as your…well, your dad. And I worried that might be a little confusing for you, or that you might not like that.”

“Why wouldn’t I like it? There’s no one else I’d want to dance with,” she shrugs simply.

“I don’t know,” he utters awkwardly and pauses before finishing. “I just figured if I was your dad for the daddy-daughter dance, you might want me to be your dad all the time too. Me personally, I’m more than okay with that, but are you?”

“Am I cool with you being…my dad?”

“Yeah,” he confirms hesitantly. God, his hands are sweating. Why is he so nervous asking this sweet little girl to be his daughter? It’s not like it’s official, they’re not signing adoption papers or anything. He’s her custodian but she’ll find that even more confusing. No, it’s either this or nothing. He’s either her dad (in every way that actually counts, not biologically or legally) or he’s just plain Adam. And that scares him a little. It scares him a lot.

“I always thought my daddy was gone,” Makayla points out quietly— not to him but to herself, Adam thinks. She looks down at her feet, her legs dangling freely off the edge of the bed as she wiggles her toes.

“Well I thought I could be sorta like your new dad, and that you and I, we’d look out for each other. And for Kim, of course. She would like that,” he adds with a wink. “What do you think?”

“I think I’d like that,” she nods vigorously as her head snaps back up, then adding, “But if you go as my dad, and if Kim goes as my mom, how come you and Kim aren’t married?”

Oh boy. This blunt little six year old is really asking all the tough questions, isn’t she? “Uhh, well…” he hesitates, trying to find the words. “Listen, kiddo, Kim and I are two people who love each other very much. Maybe it’s in the same way that other moms and dads love each other, maybe it’s not. I don’t know. But I’ll tell you this: we do both really love you. And that’ll never change, regardless of what she and I are to each other. We’ll love you always.”

“Always,” she parrots with a pensive nod, digesting Adam’s answer before coming up with another question. “So is there a difference between being a dad and what you’re doing now?”

Adam thinks about it for a moment. Really, there wouldn’t be much of a difference. He’d be around a little more often, although he’d been around a lot ever since Kim got shot last year. Maybe a few more responsibilities like driving her to school and dance rehearsals instead of only showing up for the recitals. But he’s already been doing all of that so really, the change of pace would be minimal. “I guess there’s not much difference,” he admits to her bashfully.

“Okay, cool,” Makayla nods simply. “Then we’ll go do the daddy-daughter dance at my class party.”

“Uh-huh, yeah. It’s a date,” he agrees while blinking in surprise, taken aback at the simplicity to her air. To her, it seems like such an obvious thing. To her, he and Kim are just the people in her life who love her and who’ve helped her heal, so labels mean nothing.

Sometimes, he wishes he could live in that little girl’s beautiful mind. Maybe then, all life’s problems and all his confusion over Kim would melt away into the easiest of explanations.

“Yay! I can’t wait to show you all my art projects,” Makayla continues, brushing past the subject unbeknownst of the weight she just lifted off of Adam’s shoulders. “And I have a nice new dress for it too. It’s purple and sparkly and I picked it out all by myself. Wanna see?”

“I’d like to but I think there’s something else you might be more interested in doing.”

“Like what?”

“Like coming to the kitchen with me to eat pancakes,” he tells her with a wink.

Her face lights up like a Christmas tree at that, the adorable gap in her teeth showing and her smile sparkling. “Breakfast is here?”

“Yep, came just a few minutes ago,” Adam explains with a chuckle.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner? Come on, let’s go!” Makayla leaps off the bed and grabs Adam by the hand, struggling with the bedroom door for only a moment before dragging him excitedly down the hall. And sure, he’s about 110 pounds heavier than she is and could easily stop dead in his tracks if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. All he does is let her drag him towards the kitchen, where chocolate chip pancakes and a glistening sensation of family are waiting for him.

********

Makayla’s 2nd grade graduation party finally comes around the following week.

He wears a suit. Not all of the other dads are wearing suits, but there’s a dance and he’s a gentleman when it matters so screw it, he can dress up nice for an afternoon.

Makayla holds him and Kim by the hand the entire time. She drags them through the rows of desks in her class, moves to each wall and excitedly points to the various pieces of artwork. He’s seen ones like them at home but is still just as impressed. They’re damn good drawings for a girl her age, so he nods along and listens to her explain how she did each one and smiles with silent pride. The eager ramblings become quieter once the classroom fills up with other kids and their parents but she continues anyway, this time fidgeting with the hem of her purple dress in between her pointing. He notices she’s much shyer around her classmates than she is with them, although the panic attacks she had during her first few weeks at this place that Kim described to him probably didn’t help her come out of her shell. That fact alone makes his grip on Makayla’s hand tighten ever so slightly out of protectiveness. But when he does, she smiles at him, and then at Kim, and then turns back to her drawings and powers on.

The teacher brings all the parents and kids together after a little while, giving a routine yet genuine congratulations to all of the students for getting through the year and some kind words about all of them. It’s more for the parents than for the kids, really. He stands there, feels his heart race when Kim tucks herself in by his side and wraps her arms around his torso as they listen to the teachers talk, and it then dawns on him that being here is an honour and privilege. This moment, this act of being here as a parent, with Kim and that sweet little girl they love, this means something.

And if merely standing in this classroom holds this much weight then man, this dance just might crush him.

The dance part comes later on, when the night is inching closer and the sun teases the horizon. The scene before him becomes almost comical, the gymnasium filled with skimpy little streamers and paper cups with Paw Patrol characters on them. There are strobe lights displaying some kind of technicoloured array though, and some nice music to top things off, which he thinks is kind of nice. For a party celebrating finishing a seemingly unimportant grade (compared to, say, Makayla’s actual graduation, which he’ll be a blubbering mess at) it’s actually not so bad.

Then, half an hour into the dance when he’s filling two paper cups up with fruit punch for his two girls as they goof around on the dance floor and bust out the most adorably awkward dance moves Adam’s ever seen, he hears Makayla’s math teacher, Ms. Mendham, begin to make an announcement.

“Attention parents and students,” she starts politely, tapping the tip of the wireless mic she’s holding and waving to get everyone’s attention. “This next song is dedicated to all the fathers and daughters in our little class. Dads, we invite you to take our favourite girls onto the dance floor for this next one and enjoy!”

From across the dance floor, he can see Makayla’s face lights up. Kim leans down to whisper something in her ear after throwing a glance in Adam’s direction. Makayla giggles at first but ultimately nods and then gets that look in her eye she always gets when she’s on a mission. Kim starts to casually leave the dance floor and Makayla does too, but less casually as she waddles over to him in her black buckled dress shoes.

And goddammit, if he’s not the cutest thing she’s ever seen, with her dress swooshing around with every waddle and her big sparkling eyes. He’ll admit he used to be a total bachelor. All he cared about was beer and poker and his job. (And Kim. Always Kim.) But now, with this magnificent little creature coming up to him and smiling at him like he hung the moon, his priorities have shifted massively.

Before she can ask him to dance (undoubtedly what Kim had whispered in Mak’s ear), he beats her to the punch. “You look lovely tonight, Princess Makayla,” he tells her cordially, extending a hand. “May I have this dance?”

“Ok,” she replies with a beaming smile, her excitement causing her to let out an involuntary giggle.

Her tiny hand finds his, fits perfectly in the palm of his hand as he guides her towards the dance floor. Kim’s the one watching them from the sidelines now, gnawing her lip to fight back a smile and winking at Adam as she watches the whole thing go down. God, that look in her eye is almost as bright and loving as Makayla’s is right now. How did he ever think anyone else could be meant for him?

“Oh no!”

Makayla’s exclamation pulls Adam’s attention back to her instead of Kim, the soft sounds of Kelly Clarkson’s “Piece by Piece” playing in the background as he looks over at Makayla worriedly.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I just realized I don’t know how to dance slow,” she confesses, letting go of his hand to bury her face in her palms. “What if I mess up?”

“Hey hey, it’s okay,” he hushes comfortingly. “Here, you can stand on my feet. I’ll do all the heavy lifting, you can just hold onto me tight and I’ll guide you through it. You won’t have to worry ‘bout a thing, darlin’.”

He normally reserves that nickname for Kim but Makayla’s an extension of Kim— and, now, an extension of himself too— so he makes a special exception. Just for this once. Just for her.

“Are you sure?” She asks hesitantly.

“Absolutely. C’mon, have I ever let you down? I’ll always be there for you, Makayla.”

“Ok,” she concedes, letting go of any embarrassment or tension she was previously holding. Adam takes her hand again, his other hand finding the small of her already tiny back. Her purple dress has glitter and sparkles on it so the fabric is rough to the touch but still, he doesn’t dare move it. Makayla’s other hand ends up finding his upper arm. They look down at the ground for a moment as Makayla hops onto his feet. She weighs surprisingly more than he thought he would and he already starts dreading the day she’ll be too old for this.

The music keeps playing as they finally begin to sway. Makayla smiles, and when she looks around at the other parents and kids doing the same thing, goes, “Hey! We’re doing it!”

“Yeah, we are,” he agrees with a chuckle. “You having a good time so far?”

“The best,” she replies quietly, arching her neck back to look up at him. That regular sweet, toothy grin she gives him makes his heart melt even more.

Maybe it’s the tender lyrics of Kelly Clarkson. Maybe it’s the fact that he finally feels how much he’s grown up. Maybe it’s just that Makayla’s possibly the cutest kid he’s ever seen. But that moment, that small little smile she flashes him as they awkwardly sway, moving back and forth with Makayla’s whole weight on his feet, that moment is enough to make everything clear.

If he wasn’t sure of it before, he’s definitely sure of it now: Makayla Ward Burgess is his daughter.

So they’re not related by blood. Big whoop. He’s not related to Kevin, or Jay or Hailey for that matter. That doesn’t make the unit any less of a family. Same goes here. And he’s baffled that he ever thought the specifics didn’t matter, because a label like that— like “daughter” and like “family”— is just goddamn priceless. What he has, not just with Makayla and not just with Kim but with the three of them together as a family, that’s something so completely rare and untouchable that it almost makes him dizzy for a moment. (Or maybe that’s just all the swaying and rotating, he doesn’t know.) Now, here, with the two most amazing girls he could ever dream of, he finally knows what it’s like to feel a love so large and so deep that it’s indescribable.

Eventually, as the song slows them down into a gentler lull, Makayla leans into it and snuggles her head into his solar plexus. Instinctively, his head tilts down to rest gently on top of hers. It means he can’t see her face but he swears he saw her start to close her eyes as she leaned in. They keep swaying, ignoring the distant sounds of Kim’s camera clicking as they dance. And then, Makayla utters the two words that, when put together, destroy him in all the best ways.

“Thanks, Dad,” she mumbles through her happy and dazed fatigue. A small, content sigh escapes her lips and he feels it on the fabric of his suit. For a moment, he’s actually glad she’s growing up so they can have more of these father-daughter dances with each graduating year. Maybe then it’ll make the actual growing up part more bearable. But for now, he puts those thoughts aside and gets to dance with one of the most important girls in his life. His…well, his daughter.

Thanks, Dad. What a fucking beautiful world to live in where she can call him that.

[punksarahreese]

📚

mum!Ava struggling with her BPD and taking care of Vivi because something brought up her trauma and she’s becoming more dissociative. She opens up to Sarah (who is just a friend in this) about it and she struggles to help Ava. She explains that people with Borderline don’t get offered treatment programs because their personality leads to them getting attached/addicted and therefore will render the treatment unhelpful. This is something Ava has heard countless times before and she get very upset about it.

She ends up breaking down in the rain yelling about how she doesn’t have an identity anymore because all she is is dissociative and angry and she’s terrified of becoming her abuser. She confesses to Sarah that she’s never felt like an adequate mum and she doesn’t want Vivi to ever experience anything she went through. She needs help and needs to be normal for her daughter and she hates it so much. Basically just Ava vs her personality disorder and trying so hard for Vivienne but struggling far more than she lets on.

[felicitysmoaksx]

🖊 for the fanfic ask game!

Here's a look at Married but as Friends Fic #3!

Cause I Clutched Your Arms like Stairway Railings

Sarah had settled into a routine in the coming months of her double residency. So much that she was able to perform a magic trick. She was able to pack the worms back in the can and close it tight. With Connor’s help, she moved fully into his apartment and was able to settle into a routine living with him.

[morganupstead]

this world does not deserve @fighterkimburgess

YOU ARE TOO DAMN GOOD TO ME DUDE

[anothergolddustwoman]

Your new url is amazing 💙💙💙

Thanks love 💕

Ps. I love your answer to that anon about upzek.

[kim-ruzek]

Lost in Translation

Part one

Summary: All Adam ever seems to hear is Kim talking about Roman. In Molly’s, in the locker room, when he’s just walking through the district. All he ever hears is Kim making comments about Roman, about their relationship, about all the domestic elements of their life.

And it's killing him.

Or; Obliviousness, a game of telephone and a healthy dose of gossip leads to miscommunication... Miscommunication that just may lead Adam and Kim back together.

Set in S3, post break-up AU.

Word Count: 3k words

Read on AO3

Notes: This fic very much spawned from a cracky idea, so while it may seem angsty (and it is), it is primarily a fic that is rooted in humour. It is also a two part fic, this is part one, as it works better that way. It is also my first (posted) burzek multi-chapter, technically.

I first created this idea back in 2021, so I'm very happy I've finally written it and I hope y'all enjoy! 💖

Adam knew something was up with Kim and Roman.

That something was different, a difference that occurred after his engagement to Kim imploded and Adam isn’t stupid enough to not know that the difference most likely was because of said implosion. He may have been stupid enough to not realise Kim was slipping from his fingertips, that the fighting they had been doing wasn't only a rut, but he’s still a good cop and a good cop notices things.

His mind hadn’t wanted to go there; it rebelled at the very notion. But his eyes kept betraying him, pointing out all the ways they seemed to be closer, all the ways Roman was intruding in Kim’s personal space, and all the ways Kim didn’t seem to mind.

He chose not to dwell on it, or rather he tried, hard, not to—and was mostly successful, except for the dead of night when his bed felt so, so empty without her warmth snuggled beside him and there was no case or alcohol to distract him and occupy his mind with thoughts of literally anything else.

But he knew. He knew.

So when Adam heard that Roman suddenly went on furlough, and that he wouldn’t be coming back, that he had transferred, again, to yet another district, he had been immediately curious. Of course, he wasn’t allowed to ask Kim about it himself, but he could linger around corners and the locker room, acting like he was absorbed in something else, all while he listened to others asking.

All Kim said to anyone—even Kev—was that Roman needed a change of scenery, and she always said it so clipped, so final, making it clear she wasn’t engaging in any gossip. It’s something that would usually leave Adam feel a swell of pride for his girl, being so polite and tactful, but she’s not his girl, and it only made him feel mildly frustrated as he wanted to know why Roman left.

Naturally, Platt was no help either.

With no answers, Adam had made his own. He had decided that whatever was the thing happening between them, whatever that difference was, it had ended, been disconnected. And that was satisfactory enough for Adam—and a little bit of an ego booster, if he was honest.

But then it happened.

Adam was minding his own business in the locker room—for real, this time—getting changed before he headed to Molly’s when he overheard Kim talking to one of the other officers. It’s his fault, really. His ears are still trained to immediately zone in and listen whenever he hears her beautiful voice, even months after she broke his heart.

From context, Adam quickly got that the officer asked if Kim was joining them in Molly’s. Usually, he’d be crushed at her not going, always liking to catch a glimpse of her there even as she steadfastly ignored him. But this time, that’s not what crushed him.

“I can’t,” Kim said. “I have to get home. I’ve got a date planned for cuddles on the couch; Roman is still adjusting to the move,”

Adam’s heart had stopped.

He’s a good cop, but even an idiot could guess what had recently transpired in Kim’s life hearing that. Roman—he was living with Kim.

And Kim was having dates with him.

That’s when Adam realised he had gotten it all wrong; Roman hadn’t transferred because things between them had fizzled—but because he was dating Kim, because he was living with Kim.

Adam didn’t go to Molly’s that night. He still drank, but it was very much drinking to be alone, in the darkness, not amongst his colleagues.

Any hope that Adam had about him misunderstanding what he overheard evaporated only a few nights after. He was in Molly’s, and at some point Kim had turned up to, and when he was grabbing a beer, his ears betrayed him again and he tuned into her saying that “she had to leave,” that “she had a date with her boyfriends, Roman, Ben and Jerry,”

Despite having learnt already that Kim was living with Roman—living with him, when they never even got to live in a place that was theirs together—Adam hadn’t been prepared to hear the first time Kim referred to another man as her boyfriend.

Adam had an early night, too, that night. But his was a lot more miserable than hers was.

Kim had moved on. There was officially no hope for them.

After this, all Adam ever seems to hear is Kim talking about Roman. In Molly’s, in the locker room, when he’s just walking through the district. All he ever hears is Kim making comments about Roman, about their relationship, about all the domestic elements of their life.

And it's killing him.

He’s handing Platt some paperwork about his expenses when he overhears Kim talking with other officers about grabbing lunch. Someone suggests sushi, and Kim immediately groans.

“Ugh, no, pass, please. All I’ve been cooking recently is fish for Roman, and I’m officially sick of the sight of any seafood. Especially with how Roman eats it, I think he’s put me off fish for a lifetime.”

And he’s in the locker room, in the morning, getting ready for work when he hears Kim come in, chatting away with another officer—her replacement for Roman, he thinks, not that he’s been able to ask. Not when she’s avoiding him like he’s got the plague and not when he doesn’t know if he could get through a conversation with her without his heart literally breaking in two.

“And oh my god, the bathroom! I swear I’m having to clean it so much which I know I signed up for but he makes such a mess in there. And he always seem to want to pee right as I’m showering—no matter the time. It’s not even just that, it’s so much hair. You wouldn’t think that Roman would shed that much hair,” Kim sounds so frustrated, and Adam hates how much that hurts him, even though she’s venting about her new boyfriend.

“Typical man,” the other officer says, and the two of them burst out laughing, hard, for a reason that Adam doesn’t quite get. And it’s just another reminder that Kim has jokes now that he’ll never know, that it’s Roman’s privilege now to have that view into Kim’s world.

All these little moments that Adam overhears, they all hurt him. Deep, in an aching kind of way that he never thought he’d feel, a way he never knew was possible, a way that he never experienced when his previous engagements ended.

But the one that hurt him the most was another conversation he overheard in Molly’s. Kim is already in the bar when Adam gets there and if he hadn’t walked in with the rest of the unit, he might’ve been tempted to walk right back out. But he had, so he stayed, instead telling himself that he’ll stay way clear of her—he needs to give his liver a rest, after all.

His one consolation is Kevin, who shoots him an understanding look, clocking Kim as well. Things had been distant between those two, as well; Kevin had felt a bit upset at hearing about Kim and Roman through the district grapevine, and from what Kev had told him, which granted isn’t much, Kim had all but dismissed these feelings when he asked her about it.

If Adam’s honest, it doesn’t sound like something Kim would do, but then he didn’t think dating Roman would be something Kim would do, so what does he know? And he knows Kevin well enough to know his hurt is real.

It probably would’ve been fine, had Adam not needed to go take a piss. He was actually enjoying himself with his unit, so much that for a moment he got wrapped up in the fun he temporarily forgot that Kim is also in the bar. And that in order to get to the toilets, he had to go past where Kim sat.

“Partners... The wrong one can be so detrimental to everything, both personally and professionally.” It is busy in Molly’s, and so Adam was moving carefully, winding through the crowd and is unable to speed up to put as much distance between them as soon as he hears Kim’s voice and he remembers.

“Like my ex partner, he was just so wrong for me. His attitudes, the way he spoke to and about me and how he acted about my role, like I was beneath him? His opinions and wants was the most important and that was that. A partner to be good needs to support you, and help you accomplish what you need to, not dismiss your own dreams, especially your professional ones. But my partner now? Completely perfect for me, and that makes all the difference.”

There are times Adam wishes there is an off switch to his ears, and this is the only time he would be truly glad if that was the case. He couldn’t help listening to Kim speak, despite the noisiness of the bar, despite the obvious signs at the start of the sentence that it could be potentially devastating for him.

He had thought the moment when Kim handed him back her ring would be the most devastating moment of his life.

How very stupid of him indeed.

Adam knew, obviously, that Kim was unhappy with their relationship. She wouldn’t have ended it otherwise. And he knew that he wasn’t always the best—missing the dinner with her mom was a fine example of how he could fuck up. But he hadn’t quite realised that she felt like that, that she thought he was like that.

And suddenly all Adam could do was doubt himself, thinking back on things and wondering is that really how he acted? Is he really such a fuck up that he made Kim feel like he didn’t value her, respect her? That he dismissed her dreams and didn’t support her?

Adam feels sick, and he knows that he’ll be leaving the bar, now, even though just five minutes ago he thought he’d be here at least half an hour longer. That he’ll say goodbye to the team and head home—just as soon as he convinces himself to go back out to the bar, to leave the toilets. It’s a challenge to get his feet moving, standing immobile, unable to bear the thought of walking past Kim again.

He manages to, mostly spurred on by another man entering the toilets and Adam became so aware at how weird he would seem if he just remained frozen on one spot there. He hoped that maybe he wouldn’t hear anymore as he passed by again, but isn’t that lucky.

Even more unluckily, it seems that Kim is once again getting ready to leave the bar and Adam realises that if he just stayed in the toilets for one more minute, he would’ve been free of his hell. But he chose to leave, then, and as a result he gets to hear Kim say another thing that devastates him to his core.

“I’ll see you around. Good luck with everything,” Kim is saying as he draws near. “Now, I’ve got to get back to the love of my life,”

It is really credit to himself, and his dignity—what’s left of it, anyway—that Adam doesn’t fall to the ground right then and there, Kim’s words faltering him in his steps.

It’s not even the words. Well, not only the words.

But it’s how she says it. There’s a hint of humour to her voice, but there’s a certainty. That it’s like she’s just saying any old fact, that it is just the truth, and she’s just stating something so big like it’s something casual—because, in her life, as far as she’s concerned, it is.

The words haunt Adam for the rest of the night, going round and round in his head. He remembers all the times she said those words to him; whispered to him in their dead of night talks, casually said it over breakfast, or at a dinner with Kev. Remembered the time she stared at her ring for the one of the first times, and told him that, told him that she was so happy—happy because the love of her life wanted her just as much she wanted him.

How could it be that only six months after they broke up, that she had moved on so fast? That she had discovered that Adam was just a footnote in her life, and not one who’d have her heart forever?

But, of course, Adam knew how. He heard how from Kim’s mouth that same night; heard how she saw their relationship, saw him, and even though it confuses Adam, because surely, surely he wasn’t that bad, that doesn’t really matter. That’s how she felt during their relationship, and that’s exactly why she left him, exactly why Adam’s not the love of her life anymore, and why Roman is.

Adam had already been trying to stay clear of Kim’s path, out of respect for her wishes as well as preservation for his own heart, but after that night in Molly’s, he really starts avoiding her. If anyone notices, they choose not to comment on it, something which Adam deeply appreciates.

He doesn’t even wonder if Kim notices, knowing that she’s moved on, that he’s probably the person she least wants to think about and knowing that if she does, she’s probably glad—happily living her life with Roman, and glad there’s no lingering ex-fiancé hanging around her.

His avoidance amps up two months later when they hear word of a cop being shot in another district—and that the cop is Roman. There’s nothing Adam wants even less then seeing a distraught looking Kim, knowing that it will be because of her new partner, her new boyfriend, knowing that she’d be hurting over a man who gets to love her in the way he so, so wishes he still was allowed to.

Adam thinks the sight of it might actually be what kills him.

This includes not going to Molly’s, not wanting to run into her, not wanting to have to say his sympathies—or having to be the kind of man who can’t get past his own feelings to even choke out the words—and rather, not wanting to go and not see her and knowing it’s because she’s at his bedside.

And nothing makes cops group together like the one, big family they are like an officer getting injured and Adam heard words of everyone going to Molly’s because of the shooting and he knew he isn’t strong enough for that.

So Adam doesn’t go to Molly’s, and when he has some days off a week or so after the shooting, Adam stays in his apartment the entire time, even if before he would’ve spent the time catching up with people he hadn’t seen in a while.

No, for now, all the friends Adam needs is alcohol and takeout.

He’s half way through the Chinese he had ordered when there’s a knock on his apartment door. It confuses him for a second, looking down at his food, food that had already arrived and so didn’t need delivering but he shrugs it off and goes to the door anyway.

Kim repeatedly got on his case about his surprising lack of awareness depending he’s a cop, that he never questions why his door knocks, and about how he never ‘practiced safety’ by opening the door without checking the peep hole and this comes to his mind, now. Just like it had ever since she left him, his ears missing her voice repeating the same words she always did despite him never listening, and he had gotten into the habit of checking.

(There’s a part of him that wonders, if he did that more when they were still together, maybe she’d still be his).

But Adam’s feeling particularly irritable today, at the whole situation, at the aching emptiness in his heart that still remains despite the fact it’s been months, despite the fact that they’ve been split for as long as their engagement was now, despite the fact that Kim hasn’t given him a second fucking thought, despite the fact that she’s with another man.

So why the hell should he still be listening to her voice in his head?

Adam opens the door, pushing that voice into a box in his head. Because of it, he thinks he must’ve opened the door a little too forcefully, as Kim looks startled as he does so.

Wait, he thinks. Kim?

For the first time in months, Kim is standing at his door. It’s what he’s been dreaming of ever since she walked out on him, and he had came back to his apartment and every bit of her was scrubbed from it. Even just a few weeks ago, had she turned up, for whatever reason, Adam would’ve been immediately softened at her appearance.

Not today. Today, Adam feels irritable.

“What do you want?” He snaps at her. He doesn’t mean for it to come out just so harsh standing but it’s been months of no contact and now she’s standing here for god knows what reason and all Adam wants to do is finish his dinner.

Kim looks a little taken back by his tone, which should’ve annoyed him more, especially considering it’s reasonable to assume he wouldn’t exactly be all sunshine and roses at her presence, especially since he’s in a mood, but it makes him feel guilty, bad that he’s caused that reaction in her.

This woman is going to be the death of him, he thinks.

Still, Kim isn’t deterred by his tone because of course she isn’t, because she’s Kim, and Kim is a strong and determined woman who never backs down from what she wants to do.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding.” She says, and Adam almost wants to laugh. What possible misunderstanding could there have been—what, did she not actually break up with him, didn’t actually break his heart?

“Meet Roman,” At that, Kim holds up something and Adam realises this whole time there’s been something in her arms, and a pet cage at her feet that he didn’t see. (Yeah, he’s a great cop).

“My cat.” She finishes.

Oh.

Oh.

[gregorygerwitz]

I’m a useless lesbian so tell me about Erin, Hailey, and/or Kim in the hockey au!!! 🏒

oh god that's multiple people I have to figure out, huh? uh... I honestly hadn't thought about Erin and Hailey yet. in theory, they have a place in this universe, but it's hard?

Erin

I don't want to keep using the "Jay's girlfriend who left him" thing for Erin because, as much I use it as a plot point, she deserves better than that. I think she'd still have grown up around the Voight family, still had her teenage rebellion, still wanted to do something to pointedly distance herself from her mother and keep something solid under her, if that makes sense? I don't know if I'd make her do the whole Follow In Hank's Footsteps And Be A Cop thing tho.

It would be neat to see her interact with the law in other ways, though? Maybe she went to school, got a degree, isn't exactly a lawyer - because woah that's a lot of school and not quite what I envision for her - but like... I don't know where I was going with this. Maybe some kind of social service job? Maybe doing a community outreach thing? Helping teens who are in a rough spot like she was, running a substance abuse help center? Something like that. Still helping people, just without the badge, if that makes sense.

It's a rich boy Mouse AU, maybe she's loosely friends with Greg because one of her programs benefited from a charity gala one year and they're the same age (canonically!!!) so they ended up talking at the event and now they're Facebook friends and wish each other happy birthday every year and meet up for drinks every few months to catch up.

Hailey

Another difficult one. Because this is very much so a Moustead AU, not Cozy Trio (as much as I love them, I took on too much with YOTP this year and I feel burnt out, so I'm taking a break).

As much as I don't want to do it (because I'm already basically doing it with Chefs AU eventually), it would make a lot of sense, in this universe, for her to be a part of her parents' restaurant, in some way. Not in any meaningful way, at first, but maybe she's the one who suggests expanding? Buying a space in the little arena that the Mice play in and selling food there during games to make a little extra money for the business. And, because it was her idea, it's hers to run with over summer breaks and when she finishes high school - whether it succeeds or she crashes and burns with it.

So she knows Jay, very loosely? Because he was at practice for a few of her location scouting trips, and she was just a kid, and there's no games during the summer so he only saw her on scattered afternoons when he went to skate. She doesn't actually run the little outlet of the restaurant, so to speak, full time until the summer before Jay and Greg meet and start to get together. But like... they know each other's names? And he'll get a late dinner from her if the game goes into OT? They've talked and they're friendly but they're not friends.

Kim

I'm still figuring out the exact details of Kim. Because @fighterkimburgess mentioned that this could easily be an actual siblings AU (Greg and Kim as half siblings because Gregory's a whore), and they're right. And if that's the case for this AU, I want it to be closer to the Gerwitz Siblings AU instead of something where they meet later in life? Where they were kinda-sorta raised together near the end of their teens but aren't as close as they are in that one?

Because it's kind of obvious that Kim is only included in the family for the sake of appearances, and Greg is very clearly being groomed to take over the family business and, presumably, he's the one who will actually pass on the family name to kids (he won't, he's very gay, but it's cute that everyone thinks that), and she definitely falls off the public radar a bit more when she starts dating Adam Ruzek, a player on her father's minor league hockey team. Her decisions don't matter in the grand scheme because the entire family legacy isn't on her shoulders, so she's kind of lucky, in that respect.

She gets to date Adam, and cheer him on openly at games, and be happy. Unlike her half brother, who is closeted, and when he does start dating someone, he can't be open about it, and he can't just start suddenly showing up at games and cheering on the Mice louder than everyone else when he's openly frowned upon the fact that his father bought the team at all. Kim gets it easier, and she knows that, and she's thankful for it. (yes, Burzek is here, because it's me, but also because canon gave us them literally playing hockey with Mack and I was supposed to let the opportunity pass me by???)

[ ask me about the hockey au ]

[adamruz]

Gonna hopefully calm people down - Marina’s probably still on vacation. From what we know, 9x01 is gonna pick up nearly immediately from 8x16, so let’s be honest it’s gonna be mostly Marina lying in a hospital bed recovering. She’s probably later back on set than anyone else, that’s why they don’t have a photo of her yet.

Plus, if she wasn’t coming back they wouldn’t look for a stand in. It’ll be fine. (In Marina We Trust anyway)

^^^^ I don't have anything to add because Cíara said it all.

In Marina we trust!

[kim-ruzek]

oh I wish I saw this before answering the ask I just did; I could've just said what i wanted to say here and reduce the amount of troll asks :/

but I'll repeat it here too: at no point did I ever say she made a mistake, just that I personally wouldn't have.

"But I think if she hadn't had such an emotional day she may have made a different choice" YES CíARA this is what I've said so much and also is why I've amended my previous statement because if I had an emotional day like that, maybe I would've made the same choice she did.

also, I'll forever stand by that what made things spiral again between them and not have that night be a building block for them to getting back together (sooner, because of course it technically was the stepping stone to eventually getting them back and was the stepping stone to building their family) was because of the pregnancy. (not that i ever regret rice grain tho)

Also Cíara my darling ily too

kim-ruzek said if she was kim she wouldnt have able to forgive adam so easily for his relationship with hailey in s6, for keeping it a secret from her. she said that would have destroyed her trust in him and made it difficult to keep personal relationship with him. thats why she would have rejected him in infection. she wouldve never gone to sleep with him like kim did. she said kim made a mistake forgiving him and sleeping with him in s7. what do you think?

I love when people talk to me about my beloved @kim-ruzek! Ree my babe ily.

That's what Ree would have done, but for me idk? I can't say how I would have acted in that place and that's ok. We all have different things. As for Kim making a mistake...I wouldn't call it that. But I think if she hadn't had such an emotional day she may have made a different choice. And that's ok.

[callmewrinkles3]

thoughts on creators not tagging their work correctly. example the work is about lewis x reader and every other driver is also tagged even if they are not mentioned. i’ve seen it more in this fandom that others and with an increase since the resurgence of Tumblr from other sites like Twitter or Reddit; but when someone asks the creator to tag correctly they respond with everyone does this and they receive more views because of it so if we don’t like it we can just scroll. it’s frustrating as a reader and seems like false advertising, especially when it’s not clear what the pair is until over haft way through a fic.

For transparency - I have sent this message to others that I would like their thoughts/opinions on this topic.

Hey!

Gonna be clear, this is Cíara answering this. I’ve talked a little with Alex, but it’s mostly me.

This pisses me off so much. I don’t want to read about certain drivers. I don’t want to know about them. So stop tagging them. We only tag Dan in our fics, and we’ve listened to what people say and we’ve stopped tagging his full name in our tags without anything else because that annoys people who don’t want to read fic (which is their perogative!)

I’m gonna be super honest, I’ve blocked people for this before. It’s unfair to others in fandom, and I’ve noticed some of the people who do this don’t use read mores in their fics either. It’s mean.

[deanstead]

seriously though i love the fact that it doesn't matter how long @fighterkimburgess and i have not caught up (other than checking in on each other now and then) but we can pick up where we left off as if no time has passed at all. i love you cíara, thank you for always being here for me <3