#//Let the hijinks begin

[ironmaidenxsteelheart]

Closed Starter | @alabonshay

"This is the last time I'm walking this far, to get you, you know!!" Wannour chided the broken pieces of Sir Imania's body in this fashion many, many months ago.

The first dozen times that her love had died, it was sweet, or made sense, in some way; now, it seemed that every other day Sir Imania (her brave Sir Imania!) was throwing herself into the arms of danger. Which was all fine and good; the more she was able to work on her body, the more lifelike the function was, but the time it took to journey to bring back all its pieces, denote the failures and make improvements, not to mention repair and replacement.... Well, she'd like to be married before they were both old and wrinkled, you know. Not to mention the toll it took on her soul's connection to the world!! That Knight was lucky that her body was stable enough to support this kind of back-and-forth tug-of-war! With that in mind, it was only natural, to try and figure out how to make a door to anywhere, whenever she wished. If the Angels could manage, surely she could figure out the mechanism. That's what she thought, anyways. ~~ At least it sort of worked, since she was anywhere other than her dark, cozy workroom. It hadn't taken her where she wanted, though-- her ratios were off; too few blackberry seeds, not enough cranberry. Maybe she needed to add frog, for distance? Or a lock of hair? Oh, she knows she's close to home, but she's all turned around and there's not a door in sight!! Wannour shoves her way through bramble and underbrush. There aren't nearly so many plants in this part of the woods, and she wracks her brain to remember clearings and thin spots-- there were only so many! She knew the woods well, she ought to know where she was....but what if all the mixture needed was a little more iron? It isn't until she finds a fence that she realizes she may, in fact, have needed less blackberry seeds. There were no fences, around the base of her mountain. This was brilliant!! Wannour was well and truly lost, after all!! She'd simply ask for direction and be on her merry way. Fences were only suggestions, anyhow. She clambers over it, and makes her way to the dense shrubbery blocking her view-- although she'd never seen shrubs with quite so dense a shape. The fastest way out was nearly always through, however, and no plant would be an exception!! Any tears left by branches could be mended later; and she sustains a great many pushing her way from the brush!! She'd expected to find an abode, on the other end. What she hadn't expected was a garden so magnificent and manicured that it seemed nigh-impossible. Was this shaped by human hands? All of the grass was cropped neat and tidy, bushes trimmed up into impossible shapes-- dense, like the hedges!!-- and more distinct kinds of flower than she had ever witnessed, in so close a space, let alone so rigidly planted. It was a drastic shift, from the wildness of the forest beyond the hedges. To say nothing of the massive fort looming above the garden grounds. She might be slightly worried for her safety, were it not for the sense of awe at the sheer coordination everything in sight must have required. It was like no place she'd ever seen or heard of. Wannour stares, frozen in awe, at everything before her. So much wealth, hidden by mere foliage!!

[akkivee]

some more non hypmic content for the ages but the franchise that curated the type of fan i am today is getting an official mini dub after over 15 years to test the waters and i sure as hell am gassing it up so i can get more lmao

[secretlypeerless-cucumber]

JiuYuan plot bunny

Shen Yuan transmigrates/reincarnates waay before the plot even begins, as a somewhat rich second or third son of a merchant family (cliché or clasic background? You decide) not specially sick nor a priority for his family as he's not likely to inherit almost anything he is send to cultivate to a small sect. Because who else will want their unremarkable son?

Turns out ranting about poetry in the street with a vendor is a sure way to make someone important want their unremarkable son.

Enter the current Lord of Qing Jing who saw a gremlin with taste and opinions and immediately wanted him. Also the immediate moment when Shen Yuan finds out where exactly he was reborn in (pray for him). So Shen Yuan gets to join directly into QJP if he passes the other test and well, the story wont go on if he doesn't so let's say he does.

His dumbass tries to make everyone believe he's lazy to avoid work like he did back home but Aha! Shizun is on his bs so in no time he's made head disciple. Natural teacher, excellent memory and talented swordsman (This nerd got too excited by swords and practiced so much he now is the best of his generation and he desperately wants you to know he didn't want for this to happen) it's like he was made to lead QJP!

Side note: LQG will be made head disciple of BZP in a year or so, that's why SY is the generation's best, currently.

Here comes the boy! Absolutely traumatized feral kitten Shen Jiu gets into CQM and QJP out of season and with his general attitude immediately gets enemies everywhere. Not problem! Da-Shixiong will show you around and- Oh? You don't want Da-Shixiong to speak with you? Alright. Just remember to get to dinner and sleep well, goodnight!

And just like that you get an oblivious Shen Yuan respecting a hesitantly curious Shen Jiu who, in turn, decides that the best thing to do with this interest is to find blackmail on SY and take his place as head disciple.

Cue shenanigans and hijinks with stalker SJ and unsuspecting SY. And them getting closer by basically respecting SJ's space and time and being a decent human?! What?!

So like bonding with a cat. Slow, respectfully and with lots and lots of treats. Once Shen Yuan figured out Shen Jiu's weakness is just sweets it's all over. Now hes SJ's shixiong and no one else's. No, shut up A-Yuan, they are not worth our time.

Does he trust SY unconditionally? He's getting there. Nighthunts and being saved like a damsel in distress once in a while helps, even if he gets hissy and pretends to not like it. More so when SY immediately turns to him for both counsel on investigations and to make sure he's safe while in the hunts. Also Shixiong spends almost all his time helping him in fixing his cultivation and teaching him the arts, even when no one else would give a shit, so he gets extra points by being a good boy to his A-Jiu.

Shen Yuan? He thinks he's being a good bro and helping SJ fix whatever made him such an ass in PIDW. He doesn't know what happened before SJ went to CQM nor his past as a slave, only thought he looked like a feral cat and acted accordingly. And yes, calling him A-Jiu is absolutely necessary to that recovery.

In the middle of this SY tries to make contact with TLJ to help him either run away with SXY or take out the OPM so the tragedy doesn't happend. But shit hits the fan and SY gets outed as a demon sympathizer when the sealing under a mountain still happens but he tries to reason with the CQM's sect leader that the demon was innocent.

No one can prove that he was a traitor but under the added presure of public sentiment he's punished severely. Sect leader gives him two choices; He either leaves and retrieves a mega ultra rare mcguffin that'll take him 20 years to get or gets banished immediately and losses any standing he has with the sect.

In simple terms: Prove your loyalty with this very difficult quest or leave.

As a pseudo-compromise sect leader promised no one will take his place if he leaves for the quest nor will they banish SJ for being so close to a posible traitor. SY, naturally, accepts the quest with all the spite and grief of someone who failed his true quest of saving his best friend and the world too he supposes.

But QJP cannot be without a Head disciple nor a Peak Lord! Because plot twist, the lords are preparing to ascend in the next like 5 years. Sect leader knew this, and this is his way to force QJ's peak lord to appoint a different head disciple when SY is away anyways. If that happens SY will lose everything anyways, even if he comes back.

So the strategists get together and make a plan.

Shen Yuan will leave in his quest but before that he'll marry someone trusted that can be acting peak lord in his absence but will not usurp his place. Doble plot twist! That person is Shen Jiu because just as SJ got mellower with SY's influence so did SY get more paranoid. He only trust his dear shidi and no one else but oh how could he force his shidi into- Oh? You'll do it? Why do i have to be the wif-

And they marry in semi secret, taking a small moment for SJ to make him doble promise to come back for him and to give his own doble promise to wait for his return. SJ doesn't like this, not one bit. But this time he's safe, in a position of power and tentatively ready to trust again. He'd rather have his husband with him at least for their wedding night but oh well, they don't get that. They make arrangements for SY to send letters to the WRP so SJ can know how he's doing even if he can't receive any in exchange. It'll be a lonely 20 years.

Shen Yuan leaves and Shen Jiu gets appointed acting head disciple and then acting peak lord. With his silks and his husband's name as a shield (Qingqiu is SY's, but he can use it because they married) he rules QJP much more detached than in PIDW, almost completely ignoring the disciples. This is his A-Yuan's work after all and if he wants it done he better hurry and come do it himself. They've always joked that SY would teach while SJ would govern the peak, even before ever discussing marriage (It didn't matter that A-Yuan didn't know they would eventually get married. They would have regardless)

And Yue Qingyuan you didn't ask? He's in the background wanting to talk to Xiao-Jiu constantly but SJ doesn't need him nor want him. SY's therapy helped him let go if not forgive YQY, he's at the point where he can just ignore him. YQY on the other hand is guiltily ecstatic SY is out of the picture and Xiao-Jiu can be peak lord and rule at his side. Just like he wanted!

Like that 15 years pass. SJ still gets a reputation of going to brothels even if its to read his hubby's letters and sleep. And at this point all other peak lords either forgot he's technically just acting peak lord or never knew there was another Shen-Shixiong who should be peak lord instead.

At this point I'm not sure how to proceed. It'll have to be either:

a) Shen Yuan comes back during the demon invasion or

b) He comes when they are having a peak lord meeting for conveniences sake

Let's do invasion for dramatic purposes.

So you have a supremely pissed off SJ dealing with the demons and watching as the runt of his peak desperately tries to beat his opponent while making a mockery out of their QJP fighting style (LBH is actually doing pretty good, SJ is just Like That™) when suddenly a sword only he recognizes flies faster than a bullet to stop the defeated demon from attacking the little beast and the whole place falls into silence. SJ can hear his pulse in his ears, he almost can't breathe.

The disciples are looking at him for instructions but he can't think of anything as the most beautiful face he has ever seen slowly walks out of the trees into the improvised arena. His hair is finally long now, but not even close to well cared for. His clothes dusty and well worn but not threadbare nor stained with ink like it usually was in their disciple days. His A-Yuan is glorious as he makes the demons run like the pathetic bugs they are.

LQG has come too but there's not more fighting to be had, only a couple reunited at last. SJ sends decorum through the window and yanks his A-Yuan into a long awaited kiss in front of basically every disciple and an enraged and flustered LQG (Man is having the weirdest awakening)

SY is surprised at first but quickly reciprocates, finally at peace with his feelings. Because guess what, 15 years of pinning + letters that slowly become romantic without the fear of retribution will do just fine for him to admit he fell in love with his husband at some point. He was scared shitless of SJ reaction to him coming back and it was only that promise what made him go home regardless. A-Jiu can hate him, but he is NOT breaking that promise. He even made it 5 years earlier, isn't he such a good husband?

Later in the emergency meating LQG is still screaming at them for shameless and inmoral and how could this be the first thing Shen Yuan does when he comes back when they could've just spared

And everyone else (minus YQY, SQH and the beast peak lord) are just like What? Who's this? And SY looks at YQY disapprovingly (He knows YQY covets his wife and purposely didn't tell them) and explains he's the QJ peak lord and SJ as his husband has been ruling QJ in his stead for the past 15 years. And yes, that's why SJ is sitting in his lap.

When the whole story comes out everyone is more surprised to know they are married than the fact SY made the last sect leader so angry he was basically given a suicide mission (Not even YQY knew that) but don't worry! He has absolutely no inclination of taking his A-Jiu's position away. He'd rather teach his little disciples and let his wife to berate their martial siblings as is his right (Someone said they'll be happy having SY instead of SJ in meetings from now on and He Did Not Like That) So they'll share the name Qingqiu as QJ has two peak lords from now on.

Now if they'll excuse them they have a wedding night to finally enjoy.

[whore-ibly-hot]

"A Servant and His King."

Yandere!Fae-King x Fae!servant x. Fem! Reader

18+ Minors DNI

Warnings: Dub-con, perverted thoughts, obsession, coercion, fae related hijinks, basically monster fucking, oral (fem receiving), loss of virginity, clit play, p-in-v sex, power dynamics.

(A/N): Part two to a non-smutnfic about Puck, based off of puck from 'Midsummer Nights Dream'. Can be read with or standalone.

Part one (not required to understand)

A brief gust of wind and leaves rattles the shutters of your small cottages window, not sounding out of place when mixed with the usual sounds of the forest. However, the gust turns softer as it gently brushes against the shutters, causing them to open slowly with a creak.

A pair of feet land nimbly upon the wooden dresser across the room from your bed, a shadowy figure squatting down with a grin. The figure hops down, making its way to your bed, where you sleeping form lies blissfully unaware of the intruder.

Groaning, you are soon roused from your slumber by a light pressure on your wrist, and your eyes flutter open. You gasp, seeing the being before you and trying to pull away. "

"W-who are you! Stay awa-" a finger is pressed softly to your lips, the figures face coming into view as the lean forward. Forest green eyes and a set of familiar pearly whites greet you.

"Shh! No need to fear, only Puck is here." He coos, kissing your wrist once more, pressing the soft flesh to his lips. "Sorry to frighten you, little mortal. I would never mean to upset you, but I couldn't very waltz in through the entrance to your humble abode, especially given your mother's feelings about my kind." He lays his lithe body across yours, head on your chest as he looks at you with glee.

"Why are you here, Puck? It's late, I must rest." You say, though you don't resist the fae boys touching. "Sleep is important for humans."

He scoffs. "I know, but I have something more important than your human need for sleep. My king, Oberon, leader of the seelie court wishes to meet you." He pulls you up by your shoulders, a hand fixing your nightgown which begins to slip from your shoulder.

"T-the king?" You're just a human woman, a peasant. You've never even met a human noble, much less a faery king. "Why? Puck, I'm not, I can't! Now? I'm not dressed properly, I'm a human, I-"

Once again, a finger is placed against your lips. Invading your space as per usual, Pucks forehead is pressed against your forehead, nose to nose. "Shush, little mortal. Please, the king loves me. I am his jester-servant, his beloved Puck! We've shared many a-" he chuckles. "Amourous night together. He knows if your good enough for me, then your good enough to meet him. Don't discredit yourself, you are so much more than some mortal maid I take in the woods for a night of passion." He makes her sit up, and tries to slip her out of the bed. "He'll love you, my sweet. It's only proper I introduce my new beloved friend to my closest companion, ruler, and my king." You allow him to pull you out of your bed, and into his lanky form.

"Mmph, Puck. I can walk." You groan, trying to wriggle from his grasp. He tsks with his tongue, and shakes his head.

"No, no, no. Don't whine, don't go away. Be good. It's a long stroll all the way to the spring we're going to, just relax." He cackles. "You humans are so indecisive. Just a moment ago you were whining, 'Puck, no. It's too late, I'm a human, I need my sleep.', now you won't let me carry your frail, tired self to see the king. Make up your mind."

You roll your eyes, but suppose he has a point, and allow yourself to melt into his warm embrace, shoulders flush against his pecs.

As he slips back through the window and dances through the glen, weaving through trees and brush like a gust of cool night air, he soon arrives upon a clearing. Smooth rock reflect moonlight, as the water resting atop them comes from the babbling freshwater spring that rests at the edge of the rocks. A figure, imposing and much more muscular than Puck's is sat on one of the rocks, admiring the water.

Puck gently sets you down with nimble hands, kissing your ear lightly. This causes you to squeak and push him off.

"Stop it, Puck! I-im about to meet a king and your acting like we're lovers! Like your an enamored schoolboy!" You exclaim, and his hands only wrap around your waist from behind, playing with the cloth there.

"And here I thought we were lovers..." He feigns a sad face and a pout, before jolting forward and taking you with him by the waist. "My king!" He yells.

The imposing figure looks over, causing you to freeze, mind not really in synch with body as Puck drags you forward. The king is truly a thing of beauty, rugged and piercing as if he were carved, not from stone, but from the wood that made up the forest which he called his domain. He wears a fur pelt around his waist, covering his only upper thigh and not leaving much to the imagination. His is decidedly hairy, and though beautiful is as rugged as a human man of the woods is expected to be. He has dark curls of hair not unsimilar to Puck's, but not as long. His eyes are a deep brown.

"Ah, Puck, my fair servant friend. I was almost afraid you had planned to trick me, having not shown yet." The king muses, legs spread casually and a hand resting against his chin.

Puck gasps, hand to his chest as if hurt. "Never, my liege. Well, at least not to you." Puck coos, sitting on the rock and curling up to the man's calve. The king runs his hands through the curls of the fae man, and you are taken aback by the sensuality of their interaction.

The king looks up. "And you, little mortal, must be my Pucks new favorite thing, hmm?" He asks, head tilted. You nod nervously as the man waves you closer. You bow, and he grins. "Good, good. I assume she knows who I am then? I am King Oberon, of this enchanted woods and over all of the seelie court. Though, my servant here told me you knew little to nothing of our people when asked you about us, so I doubt you'd know what the seelie court is."

You shake your head. "No, sir. All I know-" you glance at Puck, who is practically purring at his kings touch. "All I know is what Puck has told me. That you are powerful, and to be respected."

Oberon grins at this. "That is all you need know. Come here, allow a king to gaze upon you." His hands begin to wander, cupping your face. His large fingers prod your plump lips, your cheeks, and tilts your chin downwards to look at him from where he is sat. Then, the hand is on your shoulder, playing with the straps of your upper garment, then at your chest. This sudden touch in such an intimate place causes you to jolt back. Oberon raises a brow.

"I'm sorry, sir. That is, that is just a very intimate place for humans. It's for sensual matters, when between two adults." You try to explain. Puck sighs, leaning his head on Oberons knee while the king chuckles.

"I am aware. It is intimate and sensual for fae too. That is why you were being touched there." He says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. Now, you are only more confused.

"Well, intimacy of those matters between humans happens between a-a married couple, and even then, it should not be openly discussed. A woman like myself couldn't, shouldn't ever bee with a stranger like that, not even a suitor before marriage!"

"I have heard humans are... less indulgent in the passions of life than fae. All those awful, boring rules. And yet you kill your leaders and revolt because your miserable? Perhaps. Eing unable to express those urges is why." He laughs, and Puck joins in. He sense your confusion and continues. "Fae do not believing in brief enjoyment and indulgence. We live life to the fullest. Our liquor is stronger yet we drink more, our food is richer, yet we all eat like kings. And most of all, we indulge in the passions of the flesh with each other more than your little mind could take. I think if you had the opportunity, you'd see it was the best way to live." He muses.

To your suprise, he suddenly moves Puck up from his calve to his lap, holding the thin man by the waist as Puck grins wickedly. "You see, me and my servant here are close, emotionally and physically. We have enjoyed many a night of passion, without the watchful eye of my queen, of course." There is some bitterness in Oberon's tone at the mention of his queen.

"You... you indulge in passion with those, of the same gender as you, o-often?" You ask. It is not wrong, you are just so suprised and curious. You are not even supposed to think about a man pleasing a woman, let alone a man and another man. It is such a foreign idea.

"Mhmm. Being a king is hard for his majesty, and Puck... I, am happy to help him with his desires. My king cares for me, and I care for him." Puck says, before gasping and cutting off. You blush, seeing Oberons hand has slipped below Pucks leafy loincloth, hand stroking Puck manhood. He focuses only on the tip for now.

"I am suprised seeing as you are so shocked by how touchy and sensual fae are, seeing as you bedded my dear servant." Oberon says, and you immediately shake your head.

"No! I've never, me and Puck did nothing together. We drank a little, but he took me home." You exclaim, and look st Ouck for answers. He's too busy letting out soft whimpers and moans as Oberon moves his hand the full length of Pucks cock, paying attention to his bulbous tip.

"Is this true, Puck? I find it hard to believe, my servant can't keep his hands to himself. I suppose this makes you seem even more special to me, that my Puck would wish to see you again so desperately, and rave about you to me even if he had not bedded you yet. That begs the question though..." He leans in to Puck's ear. "Why did you lie to your king?"

Puck groans, brows furrowing. "M' sorry, your majesty! I knew you were so busy, and if I told you I had found a mortal capable of giving such incredible pleasure, you'd be more likely to come and see what a treasure I had found." He stammers. The king shakes his head, slowing his movements on Puck's cock.

"You know better than to lie to a king with a temper, Puck."

Puck cries out, bucking his hips and trying to chase that friction against his kings rough hands. "N-no sir! Trust me, I know if she'd just indulge, the mortal would be wonderful! She... she could be our mortal, not just mine! Please sir, I'll be good, she'll be good, don't stop." He begs.

Oberon sighs, still frowning in Pucks direction but intrigued nonetheless. "Alright, mortal girl. I yell you, if you would only let go, indulge just a bit in the pleasures of the fae, you would live a better life overall. And, should you please a king of the woods, perhaps your... what is it your mother does? Herbs? Perhaps they would see a better yield. An enchantment perhaps?" He offers.

You gulp, body hot with both arousal at the sight before you and anxiety. "I couldn't. What would the people in town think, I-I would be outcast!"

"Who would know? Even if someone were to find out, no one would believe a quiet gardeners daughter slept with a wicked spirit." The king teases, tongue poking out from between his lips slightly. He pulls you to him, and you offer no resistance. "For an untouched maiden, I assure you there is no one better to introduce you to a world of pleasure than the king, and his most loyal servant."

As he says this, the moaning Puck latches his lips onto your neck, continuing to moan as he sucks the soft flesh. You gasp.

"Oh, oh, gods." You squeak, the sensitive skin of your nape never having been touched, much less kissed in such a way.

"No gods, here, mortal. No angels or demons, only fae. Only the spirits of nature." He leans into your ear, kissing the shell. "Only your king."

Soon, a rough hand gets your skirt pooled around your knees, kneading the fat of your thigh and preparing to spread your legs and allow the fae king and his srmervant a view of the untouched treasure that lies there. You shiver as the cold air brushes across your stomach, you've never felt so exposed.

"See, highness? I told you, she's the perfect, pretty little mortal. Tease her, please? For me? I want to see her face as she experiences pleasure for the first time." Puck begs.

Oberon raises a brow and the request. "Such demands from a liar who has already been granted mercy, and is still being pleasure bu the hands of a king." He pulls his hand from Ouck's cock, causing tears to well in the edged faes eyes, having been denied his release.

"Majesty-"

"Enough. I will allow you to tease and prep the maiden, so she may except you king. Before you say anything, be grateful I don't only allow you to watch, or send you home." Puck whines, but grins a little inside. He knows the king enjoys his presence to much to remove him from this sensual scene.

Oberons large hands keep your shoulders flat against the warm stones of the spring, while Puck, still hard beneath his tented loincloth, crawls unceremoniously up between your thighs.

"What are you doing, Puck?" You whisper out softly, looking into his dazzling green eyes. He smiles warmly, pressing his cheek to one of your thighs.

"I assure you, maiden, my wicked tongue is not only good for japes and jabs." He coos. You are still confused at what he could mean, until the two thin fingers parting your folds are replaced with a hot, wet muscle. Puck licks a stripe teasingly up your center, savoring the flavour but eyes never leaving your face.

Oberon smiles down as he watches your face contort and wrinkle at the new sensation.

"Puck, y-your majesty, what is- oh, what is he doing?" You ask, trying to form a coherent sentence at the odd feeling of pressure and friction against both your clit and your entrance as Puck explores your folds.

"It's called cunnilingus, maiden. Fae have many ways to pleasure each other, but many enjoys the feel of one's mouth on their most intimate areas." He chuckles as he watches Puck tasting you curiously. "Sometimes, I find filling his mouth is the only way to quiet him." Puck giggles, and the vibrations make your legs quake.

Soon, the muscle invades your entrance, as Puck is now groaning almost as much as you. It's a gentle stretch, but both Ouck and Oberon know it will be necessary for what the king is to do later. Your aroused and needy clit is not forgotten by the fae pleasuring you, as a free hand comes to tweak it gently. The feeling is overwhelming, and soon, that knot inside you snaps, and you feel a high you've never known. It feels as though currents, waves run through your body as your maidenhood spasms around Pucks tongue.

He removes it, but continues to lap at your spent clit, tasting the juices of your climax. Oberon smiles.

"Was he good, maiden? Did you first touch by a man satisfy?" He asks. You can only weakly nod. "Ah, answer, maiden. Your being addressed by a royal."

"It was... it was very good, m-majesty." You gasp out. You look away at the sheer lewdness of the sight and Oberon crashes his lips to Pucks so that he may taste you on his servants lips.

"She was a divine nectar, my liege." Puck groans, pulling away from the kiss and now trading spots with his king. Now Puck lays by your shoulders, playing with your locks and kissing your neck and jawline while Oberon moves into place.

His chisled body places itself atop you, his sheer size dwarfing you and removing the moonlight from your body, casting a large shadow. You gulp.

"I... I've never done-" he chuckles, cutting you off.

"I'm aware, mortal. All that talk of purity led me to that conclusion. But, you won't be that innocent for long. I will be gentle, but it will hurt at first when you accept me into your sweet cunt. It's all part of the process."

You tense a little at the feeling of something hard, much more rigid than Pucks limp tongue, prodding at your entrance and folds.

"M' scared." You admit. This seems to soften the sensual yet cold king, and he sighs. Even Puck gives him a sad, wide eyes look. He leans down.

"Don't worry, mortal. I will be as gentle as any man has been with a woman. My Puck was never one to be nervous, but I have had lovers in the past who were. I will take care of you." He says.

Puck holds your hand and nuzzles his cheek to yours to provide a semblance of comfort. "It's true. The king is a fair and gentle lover when he wants to be. Don't worry, my friend." He assures.

Oberon strokes your thighs to relax soon, and soon the tip enters your weeping slit. You whine, the intrusion burns a little, especially as he adds a few inches every so often. But, he is slow, and talks you through it.

"Shh, it's alright. Your taking me so well, especially since I am endowed with more than some. Such a good mortal girl, it will feel good once you've stretched to accommodate a fae's cock." He coos.

As he begins to gently thrust, the slightly pain gives way to a burning pleasure. You whimper, his thrusts rocking your ads back against the stone of the spring. His large, curved tip is hitting the right spots, cervix getting pounded by the large man of the forest.

"O-oh, shit! Oberon, please- please, m-more! I need all, all of you in me!" You cry, and he chuckles.

"That's your womb speaking. This is your first time, you couldn't possibly accommodate all of me. But I will give you what I think, ugh, what I think you can take." He thursts become rhythmic, rolling in and out of your stretched tunnel, as Puck holds you steady and plays gently with your chest.

Oberon humps against you a few more times, moaning at Pucks encouragement. "She is so close, sire. I can tell, she's all tense and red, come on! Give it to her, let her take you. Please." It's clear Puck is still needy from not having gotten his release earlier. Still, he seems satisfied watching the king fuck his newest treasure.

"Mortal, mortal. You squeeze like a vice, such a warm, needy cunt. You needed this, to feel such pleasure, didn't you? Needed a cock to fill this cunt?" He moans. "It was fate, wasn't it, Puck? Finding this maiden, all alone. It was fate for you to be brought to us." Puck nods as his master continues.

"Your majesty, I'm gonna- its happening again." You cry, and his pace doesn't slow.

"I know, I know. I'm, fuck-" one last thrust sends the king over the edge. He groans, feeling your tunnel convulse around him as his thick white cum fills you. Puck plants quick, overwhelming kisses across your face as you climax, secretly wondering what you would look like if you bore the king's child.

Soon, Oberon pulls out, and you lay there, trembling and on the verge of sleep. Puck leans down and plants a final kiss upon your lips. He smiles.

"Sleep, little mortal. It's okay, you are safe with me and my king. I'll return you to your bed, pretty one." He strokes your hair softly, until your tired eyes close and stay closes. He sighs, and looks at the king. It's clear he could go for a fee more rounds.

"Majesty, our poor mortal needed this so badly, her body was on fire for it. We can't... we can't well let her go back to her little cottage, all alone in the dangerous wood with no one to please her. She's trusting, and she broke all the rules of interacting with fae so quickly, what if a worse one came along and-"

"Puck!" Oberon exclaims, making the imp jolt and go silent. Oberon sighs. "I am not a fool. I know how much this unique mortal has captivated the two of us. You need not convince me to take her back to my palace. As fair as Titania will be concerned, she is a plaything for you, correct? I will not have her cursing this treasure." Oberons muscular arms cradle your slumbering form.

"Majesty, I know of your endurance. Perhaps when we get back to the palace, while our maiden rests, I may please you." Puck asks, eyes wide and innocent.

Oberon scoffs. "All this acting because I didn't allow you to finish, Puck?" Oberon says, seeing through Pucks facade of goodwill and selflessness. Puck pouts.

"Isn't it tempting, though?"

"Perhaps."

[gay-dorito-dust]

https://www.tumblr.com/gay-dorito-dust/758338609223991296/does-anybody-have-any-bill-cipher-or-stanford

Hi, I have a request!!

Bill’s current obsession has fallen into a love triangle (haha) between Stanford and Stanley pines? Hijinks, insanity and three different levels of possessiveness ensues!!

Where to begin with this one…

The only way you gained Bill’s attention was merely coincidental, at first you were just any other human who the dream demon was only going to use for his sole entertainment, not something that he would ever get attached to in a million lifetimes.

And yet he was more than willing to lock you up in his ‘love cage’ if it meant keeping you away from those fucking senior citizens, Stanford and Stanley Pines. Two gigantic thorns in his nonexistent ass when it came to you and your attention. Bill could give you anything and everything your dark little heart desires in comparison to Stan and Ford, what could they give you that bill couldn’t?

Love and understanding was what they’d both give you, seeing as how Bill often thought that love and fear were one in the same. so whenever you had evident fear in your eyes, panicked breathing and a body language that screamed out that you were terrified, bill though it was actually love and adoration and that you couldn’t bring yourself to part from him because you were that paralysed by the love you felt for him. (He’s delusional)

Bill wouldn’t let you leave his sight for a signal second and even if he ever did find you talking to another person, they’re more then dead in his one eye and you were back in the love cage ‘for your own good,’ as he would claim, believing that you shouldn’t have betrayed the limited amount of trust he had given you. He was clingy, obsessive, wanted to know where you where -even though he already knew the answer- and who you were with to the point where any ounce of freedom given by bill was just another bigger cage to keep you in…

Until you met them…

Stan and Ford did promise each other that they’d never fight over anyone ever again after one incident where they both liked the same girl back in high school, but both of them turned out to be hypocritical liars when they both found themselves fighting each other over you.

You most likely met these two after managing to escape bill for a bit, bumping into poor Ford as he was on his weekly monster chase and you had to say for a man pushing 70, Ford was handsome, a silver fox if you will but you assumed such terminology would fly over his head. (The fact that this man gets called a silver fox will never not be funny to me, the people of gravity Falls know what’s up and I respect them)

‘Are you okay?’ Ford would ask when he noticed the paranoid look in your eye as you kept looking behind you, almost as though you were feeling as though you were being watched, a feeling Ford himself was familiar with as his face becomes serious. ‘It’s him isn’t it?’ He would then say.

‘What? I’m sorry for bumping into you mister but I’ve got to get away from him.’ You stated frantically as you could almost feel the triangular demon’s eye on your back, almost burning into you with its sheer intensity.

‘Does he have a triangular form, top hat, one eye and a pension for causing chaos?’ Ford quizzed you and noted how you looked at him as though to ask how he knew, in which he was quick to reply with, ‘I’m…familiar with the thing haunting you my dear, please let me help you get away from him.’ Ford then proceeded to lend out his hand, you failed to notice was six fingered due to your panic, and you immediately latched onto without hesitation as anywhere was better than being stuck with Bill for any longer than you already have.

You thought that you were bound to go insane if you heard him sing his own rendition of ‘we’ll meet again’ for the hundredth time. He could play a piano but couldn’t sing in the slightest, but then again you guessed it came with the territory for Bill to have everything be a little off kilter and somewhat off balance.

Stanley would’ve been in the living room, watching his shows when Ford came in with you in tow, locking the door behind him.

‘Hey you’re finally done- who’s the cutie?’ Stan would ask as his eyes immediately land on you and Ford was needlessly unimpressed with his brother’s almost instant attraction to you; he didn’t feel like sharing your attention with him in the slightest.

‘Bill’s newest obsession.’ Ford replied straightforwardly as Stan winced.

‘Yeesh, I hate that triangular freak,’ Stan began as he then looked at you with reassurance, ‘but don’t you worry toots, the mystery shack is practically the only place that little twerp can’t get within radius of unless he wants a repeat of what happened last time.’ He then flashes you a smile and you couldn’t help but feel a little more relaxed then before, the feeling of being watched had all but disappeared when Ford then began to show you where you’d be staying the night after seeing how dark it had gotten, that and he didn’t feel like letting you leave when Bill was actively looking for you.

He places a comforting hand on your shoulder. ‘It’ll be okay, he can’t get you here like my brother Stanley said, you’re safe.’

You smile at him. ‘Thank you…I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.’

‘Ford, just call me Ford.’ Ford replied as he smiled softly at you and for once you didn’t feel frightened or afraid, you felt more protected and safe than you did in a long while.

Yours and Ford’s relationship took a bit getting off the ground, seeing as how Ford was determined on getting Bill to leave you alone but soon enough after some time spent with each other; Ford found himself unable to part from your side for long periods of time without fearing the worst that his brother was flirting with you behind his back.

Stan was indeed flirting with you behind Ford’s back, he couldn’t help it! You were a catch and he could see in Ford’s eyes that he knew they too, but where Ford lacked in flirting, Stan excelled in it as he’d often found new ways to talk to you in hopes of making you smile and or laugh. And to his credit it does work and you do laugh and place your hand on his shoulder to keep yourself stable, but it would always happen whenever Ford was walking into the room and Stan sees his brothers face contort into one of annoyance and frustration.

‘Y/n dear, I have something that I would love your secondary opinion on something if you’re not busy.’ He would raise his brow at Stanley who was staring back at him with a look of annoyance at the fact that he was cockblocking him from making a move on you. The tension between them was palpable but you were just glad that you were far away from Bill as possible, who at this point was on the brink of making Weirdmagedon 2.0 at this point when he couldn’t find you at all.

‘Sure Ford.’ You’d chirp as you follow after Ford down to the lab while Stan is left fuming and planning on how he could get you away from Ford once again.

Ford is awkward when it comes to flirting but he makes up for that by being comforting and respectful of your inability to understand the stuff he deals with, and when he sees that your frustrated or upset, he’s quick to put his hand on your shoulder or your hand and squeezing it softly while muttering ‘it’s okay, you’re doing great.’ Now and then. All thoughts of warding off Bill had left his mind as he kept you practically tucked against his side with how close you both were to one another.

There would be times where you’d look over at Ford and he was mere inches away from your face, and it makes the air leave your lungs as you feel his breath wash over your face. Stuck looking into his kind, soft, intelligent eyes that could absolutely degrade and or belittle you if you gave the command but you knew that wasn’t in Ford’s nature, the man was soft touched by calloused hands and conceded eyes that could easily read your entire body with ease and give you what you needed.

Stanley may or may not have walked into these moments himself when he wanted to take you on a drive in his car to the waterfall, something that he was certain would make you swoon into his arms, only to see you and Ford within kissing distance and looking like two lovers admiring each other up close as though you couldn’t get enough of one another.

The twins never wanted to fight in front of you, and they never do as they spoke to one another in low tones towards each other as they came to realise just how deeply they both felt towards you. They both agreed that the moment you chose one of them to guard your heart, the other would be respectful and wouldn’t let anything sour the bond they spend long enough rebuilding after thirty years apart.

However they seem to keep forgetting their competitor for your heart: Bill Cipher who was more then willing to posses people just to look for you and he doesn’t plan on stopping until he had you back where you belonged, after all he saw you first and won’t let Stan or Ford take you away from him if it was the last thing he did.

[spicysourchimken]

Danny and Constantine's completely regular road trip

So I've had this fic idea rolling around my brain for about 3 months and I've decided to finally set it free into the ether (I have it mostly planned, about 9 of the 18 or so chapters). Its mostly because my energy has been down the drain

So

Constantine hears word of a new occultist practising some very advanced magic out in the US, he decides to investigate. It's not for league business, it's solely because he's annoyed someone is encroaching on his area of expertise (and also may or may not be a demon, but that's less of a concern for him)

Cue Constantine dropping in on Danny, who is about to preform an exorcism. Alone. And is a child. The two proceed to bicker where Constantine takes care of the problem himself, leaving Danny in the dust

Now 18 year old Danny Fenton, vigilante turned occultist is out for revenge. He rocks up to Constantine's next gig and handles it for him

Let's just say Danny isn't exactly thrilled when he realises its Constantine whose been screwing with him

And so goes the fic, two idiots following eachother around trying to sabotage eachother and get the job done before the other even has a chance

Constantine magically locks doors, Danny freezes things shut. Stealing things, purposefully messing up the others work. Dumb hijinks

At some point Danny loses his car and ends up (with the help of the sentient car) hiding in the trunk of Constantine's and getting away with it for at least a week

So now they're stuck together as they begin taking care of the supernatural goings on across the US.

Constantine and Danny are rivals to friends to father son dynamic

(Also yes I am Aware that this is essentially just supernatural but with a dp x dc coat of paint. It haunts me)

[vixstarria]

"Where my nice, simple plan fell apart"

This is my take on how Astarion’s romance might have progressed with a silly, chaotic energy bard Tav, who doesn’t really fall for his initial manipulation but rather humours it, throughout Act 1.  

There will be more – I want to flesh this out and write more ‘behind the scenes’ moments, and continue this into Acts 2 and 3 (I’m still only at the beginning of Act 2 as I write this!) 

Astarion x Reader, Astarion x Tav, Astarion x Bard Tav  

Comfort, fluff, budding love, cuddling, humour, no spoilers, non-explicit, light angst 

Approximately 2,000 words. 

AO3

~~~~~

“Let’s find our own little piece of nowhere. Somewhere we can lose ourselves and forget all this madness.” 

“Astarion, you insufferable trollop, what piece of cheap pulp did you fish that line from?!” you squeezed your eyes shut, pinching the bridge of your nose. “No, wait, let me guess... Madame Scarlett?” 

You watched his face turn from indignation to irritation, to finally settle in a resigned amusement, in a rapid succession.  

“My, a fellow connoisseur of the vulgar arts? The Madame’s been dead and out of print for over a century. But yes.” 

“A professional interest – a bard must be able to entertain all kinds of audiences, with all kinds of material” 

“And would you indulge me with your expertise tonight? But I do much prefer show to tell...”.  

This was the beginning. You did end up sleeping with him that night, despite his initial soppy attempt at seduction. And then it happened again another night. And then it kept happening... 

You tried to be discreet about it at first, but of course it wasn’t long before the other members of your party noticed your nightly disappearances, and there was no point trying to conceal it.  

You were vexed by their reactions – just about everyone found it necessary to at one point pull you aside and express their concerns about the vampire, asking you to be careful. This was, perhaps, justifiable – Astarion was admittedly quite stab-happy and had an inclination for bloodthirst (literally and figuratively). But he was on your side! And damned if you needed anyone’s approval for your choices in whom to bed! 

By that point you and Astarion had turned the cliched language of poorly written erotica novels into an inside joke. Casually addressing each other in increasingly mawkish and over-elaborate terms had turned into a game. Once the secret of your escapades was out, you weaponised this game, turning it to deliberately exasperate everyone around you with your antics. 

With your shared penchant for dramatic flair the two of you became utterly insufferable.  

You would shout corny names at each other across camp: 

“Oh precious, it’s your turn to set up the campfire! And no, I don’t care that you won’t be eating with us” you called out as the group stopped for the day to set up camp, but no answer followed. “My silver lynx..? Starry?? Snickerdoodle??” 

“Your snickerdoodle wandered off to slaughter another bear!” came an exasperated shout from Wyll. 

Strangers weren’t safe from your hijinks either:  

“My sun, my beating heart, flame of my loins, ache of my head. All my riches, at your feet”, he declaimed to you in front of a confused and embarrassed vendor, as he rummaged through and shook out his pockets and sleeves, spilling an assortment of semi-precious gems, silver cutlery and somehow even an entire silver tray, pilfered from an abandoned manor you came across earlier. 

Just to make the others uncomfortable, you would unceremoniously plop into Astarion’s lap at any given opportunity, including in your morning meetings to establish your itinerary for the day.  

One evening, as you all sat around the campfire to enjoy a shared meal, Astarion (who would ordinarily stay away during this time, or sit nearby with a book) sank down next to you, lifted your hand towards his mouth, and nonchalantly sank his fangs into your wrist and began to suck, slurping.  

“Oh, so I can’t enjoy a nice meal with everyone else, and have to be excluded? Bigots, the lot of you!” he chided, your blood dripping from his lips, to the sound of everyone’s shouts of shocked revulsion. Surprisingly, this was the closest you’d ever seen Lae’zel come to laughing.  

(You and Astarion had arranged this prior, of course. Ever the gentleman, he always asked before he bit.) 

Another night, as you were having a quiet chat with Shadowheart at her tent, while everyone else lounged at the fire, she asked: “So what is it like with him, really..? How is he?” 

Suddenly finding yourself abashed by this genuinely intimate question, you covered it up with pomp and bravado. Winking at Shadowheart, you stood up, threw your head back and began to orate, making sure your thundering voice would be heard by the fire, which you had been separated from by a distance and some bushes: 

“HIS MAGESTIC MANHOOD, WHEN UNSHEATHED, IS AN OBELISC OF MASCULINITY AND GLORY. IT IS A WONDER BIRDS DON’T CRASH INTO IT WHEN IT IS FULLY E- Ow! Who threw that?!” 

A projectile salami from your camp supplies came flying from behind the bushes, and slammed into the side of your face.  

All hell was breaking loose back at the campfire, as Wyll, Gale and a smug Astarion convulsed and shouted through poorly concealed laughter, blaming each other for the missile, as Karlach shook in hysterics and Lae’zel complimented the mystery thrower’s accuracy.  

Gale did look more sheepish than the rest once you started to develop a black eye from the impact, promptly healed by Shadowheart.  

What was it like with him? 

Despite the flowery epithets and exaggerated displays of affection you awarded each other in public, in private you had a mutual understanding that it was all frivolous, no strings play. You had a parasite that could turn you into a mind flayer at any given moment, twisting in your brain. Every day bore violent encounters. Since the nautiloid crash, you hadn’t gone a single day without something trying to murder you. You didn’t want to have to worry about anything other than survival, and you took life day by day. Distractions were welcome, but actual romantic attachment would be a burden, you told yourself. 

You thought of it as being friends with extended benefits.  

You let him feed (well, snack, really) on you, of course. It wasn’t sexual, not since the first night. He used your wrist, so as not to be overwhelmed by the blood flow. He ended the sessions by healing you himself, assisted by a magical trinket he’d picked up somewhere on your journey. You made sure not to let Gale get his hands on that one.  

In battles his arrows always picked off foes in your immediate vicinity, before they were directed to other targets. You’ve yelled at him for this, saying you were more than capable of holding your own, whilst you’d lost count of the revivify scrolls you’ve spent on Gale.  

“Yes, well, the way the man goes on about his ‘natural talents’ and ‘mastery of the weave’, you’d think he’d put that big wise brain of his to developing a strategy for not getting stabbed so often” - Astarion rolled his eyes. “I’m just encouraging him to improve, really. And besides”, his eyes narrowed, “only I’m allowed to spill your blood, darling”. You frowned at that last bit, as he flashed you a sweet and almost innocent smile, and stalked off.   

As for the other ‘benefits’ - the sex was intricate, if somewhat mechanic, almost too skillful on his behalf. Wanting more passion than efficiency, you eventually asked him to talk dirty to you. That made it nearly too intense for you to handle, and seemed to keep him more... personally engaged. During daytime you had to force yourself not to get caught up in flashbacks of his red eyes watching you writhe as he described what he was doing to you, what he was going to do to you, or how you looked while he worked your body. 

The night that you, wanting to reciprocate, asked him exactly how he wanted to be pleasured and what he liked was a fiasco. You didn’t understand why. First he said something about being able to please you being his greatest reward and satisfaction (which you immediately shut down). Then he grew flustered and irritated, becoming uncharacteristically at a loss for words. You tried to divert the conversation, but the mood was unsalvageably ruined.  

There was one takeaway from that debacle, however. After abandoning the idea of sex for the night, you laid next to each other, talking about nothing in particular: Baldur’s Gate, places you were both familiar with, comforts you were looking forward to having again. At one point he looked at his jacket, which you’d been lying on, and lamented that he couldn’t find any gold thread to fix the embroidery. You laughed and rolled over to give him a hug, and simply never let go. He wordlessly pulled you closer once it was clear you had no intention of leaving. That was the first time that you fell asleep and slept through the night in his arms. 

This became somewhat of a ritual, or another game with unspoken rules. Once you were done with each other, you’d pretend to quickly fall asleep with your face nested in the crook of his neck, or to otherwise be too exhausted to get up and make way to your own tent or bedroll. He pretended not to notice the regularity with which this was happening. You pretended not to notice the soft kisses he started leaving on your neck or forehead once he thought you were really asleep. It seemed... important, somehow, that you both pointedly refused to acknowledge any of it. You sensed that otherwise a certain line would be crossed. 

Last night, you were too exhausted to even think of anything but sleep by the time everyone started turning in for the night. Yet rest wasn’t even on the horizon for you – you remembered that you’d neglected to clean your weapons and carry out the well overdue maintenance on your equipment, which you did not allow anyone else to touch even when offered. You were planning to venture into the shadow-cursed lands the following day. You couldn’t afford to be sloppy. You begrudgingly set about your tasks. Astarion was as tired as everyone else, you figured it was needless to say you’d spend the night apart. And yet...  

“I guess I finally get my bedroll all to myself tonight, how delightful” you heard behind you. “No one to wrap themselves around me, no one nuzzling into my neck... Only free, undisturbed personal space” You heard a hint of dejection beneath the sarcasm, and something in your stomach flipped, giving you pause.  

“I’ll come back for a cuddle if you say please” you murmured over your shoulder. 

“Never!” he rasped in a perfect imitation of Lae’zel when you asked the same of her before freeing her from a tiefling cage, and disappeared into his tent. 

Over an hour later, as you collapsed into your own bedroll, you saw a pair of red eyes staring at you from across the camp, tent flap ajar. You held Astarion’s gaze.  

“Please”, he mouthed soundlessly, smiling as he lifted the edge of his blanket.  

Within moments, you slipped into his embrace, pressing your lips against his. But his kisses were gentle and feather light, lacking the usual persistent neediness.  

You pulled away from him, locking eyes as he softly ran his hand down your cheek, brushing your lower lip with his thumb. 

“Gods, you’re beautiful” he breathed. 

That night he fell asleep with his head against your chest, listening to the sound of your heartbeat.  

Your breath caught in a silent sob as you were overwhelmed by a bittersweet realization of how much you really stood to lose if you failed in the journey still ahead of you. You didn’t think you’d ever felt happier or more miserable before in your life, as you hugged him tighter. 

~~~~~

Next in series

AO3

[phoenixcatch7]

Honestly I'd really like to see a mxtx3 story where wwx and xl work with Sqq to reveal sqq's true backstory and the system to lbh.

I mean, think about it!! One of the biggest problems with scum villain is how even though they get together, unlike the other couples bingqiu is still left with all these huge secrets that massively affect them both. Lbh is left believing he married his mercurial abuser, that his suffering passed some sort of indefinable test that proved him worthy of basic rights. That Sqq threw him in the abyss of his own volition. That Sqq was really sacrificing his life and not faking his death with intent to survive.

Sqq is left knowing all these things but unable to act on them, unable to tell his husband about his own past, unable to explain his actions, never able to fully let his guard down because he's supposed to be shen qingqiu. He can't even tell his own husband his original name!! If he could have, he would have, even if only in the extras!

But can you imagine???

A meeting of bingqiu, wangxian, Hualian, for whatever reason, and as the three (actual) protagonists chat and gossip and get to know each other, as they talk, Sqq is at ease enough to slip up and finds out he can talk about the system to anyone from outside pidw! Not just sqh!! Maybe not completely, but he can mention some, and the other two, concerned for their new friend, are clever enough to tease the rest out. They're horrified. Sqq is resigned but freshly hopeful.

And so begins Mission: Save Sqq's Marriage!

(Sqq would very much like to contend the title but he is out voted.)

I'd just love to see the three of them (with unquestioning aid from their husbands) get up to hijinks and face existential horrors on a quest to help bingqiu get the closure they need. And moshang too, I guess XD.

It'd also be very, very funny to have them all in the middle of the latest traumatic and/or mortifying scene look around at the other two like 'hey, aren't you supposed to be freaking out now? This is normally the part people start screaming' and the other two are like 'I mean I guess?? We've got things to do though' like kings of unflappable repression right there.

(and lbh and lwj having vinegar-offs while hc is sighing dreamily watching his husband make semi decent friends for once)

Like there's a bunch of crossovers but none really scratch that itch, you know? The main characters of all 3 mxtx?? There's so much potential for Truly Unhinged Shenanigans!! Wangxian visiting pidws wife plot filled world and disappearing into the wilderness for a full week, coming back with every single piece of clothing they brought ruined. Hualian go visit mdzs and and no one believes xl is a diety and hc chomping at the bit to kill them for the injustice. Bingqiu going to tgcf and lbh getting mistaken for a calamity, or Sqq falling into the one wife plot kidnapping or something intended for a diety.

But seriously imagine Sqq complaining about something and wwx and xl immediately going 'that's not right! You deserve better!!' and Sqq is like 'no it's fine I'm used to it' and the other two slam their fists on the table like 'no!!! If [husband] was forced to keep that kind of secret I'd hate it!! You two deserve to be properly happy!! Let us help! We can fix this!' and start working with zeal and vigor while Sqq trails along embarrassed half heartedly muttering 'it's not that bad >:/'.

And when it works (presumably some clever loophole they stumbled on) and bingqiu are tearfully kissing they share a low five without looking. Or that one meme where the person getting kissed holds their hand back and their wingman enthusiastically high fives it but there's two wingmen XD!

I don't knowww but it'd be such a good premise! Ripe for character interactions!! Fluff! Crack! Angst! Daytrips and pouring their hearts out to people who'd really understand! Xl wwx and Sqq bestie team up! Meeting moshang! Wwx info dumping about his monster index categorisation to an enthralled Sqq! Xl and Sqq bemoaning etiquette while wwx laughs at them! Xl and wwx having intense discussions about morality and righteousness! All three of them laughing at how oblivious they were about their husbands, each trying to one the other two for Dumb Moments They Should Have Realised (Sqq wins by horrifying the other two)!

Forget cross country kidnappings and being locked in a room! Where is my protagonist trio getting into trouble on a self imposed mission to help their friend! Let their magnetism for insanity shine!!

[walkingstackofbooks]

The Garashir wedding: Lower Decks style

Mariner's called into her mom's office. Freeman informs her that something very special but currently classified is going to be happening in the next week, and she knows Mariner is going on leave tomorrow, but she might want to consider postponing it. Mariner declines - "Nah, my thing is more important".

Mariner and Rutherford are left at the space station to go on leave. It transpires that Mariner has been invited to Julian's wedding, and taking Rutherford as her plus one because Julian Bashir is one of his heroes. (augment-cyborg solidarity, anyone?)

Boimler, Tendi and T'Lyn are all trying to find out what the mission they're being sent on is. Boimler reports that Shakx seems pretty unhappy. Tendi suggests it's just because T'Ana has apparently discovered a drink she prefers more than Bajoran springwine.

Mariner and Rutherford encounter Hijinks and Troubles as they try to hitchhike their way to the wedding.

Freeman is stressing over what to wear for the occasion and has dragged Ransom in. Dress uniform, obviously, but can she get away with accessorising a little? And if so, how? She doesn't want to be a regular Starfleet officer, she wants to be a cool Starfleet officer. ("I literally cannot help you I don't even know what we're doing because you STILL haven't TOLD me." "It's classified." "You told Shakx!" "Have you tried keeping a secret from Shakx? He's terrifying!" "I can be terrifying!" "Nice try, Jack... Is a scarf too much do you think?")

Mariner and Rutherford have managed to trade his engineering abilities in exchange for passage on a merchant ship. Unfortunately, he is too good, and the ship now want to keep him.

Boimler is on navigation. They're approaching their destination but Freeman still wants the information to be known only to Bridge crew for as long as possible. (Boimler: "But what are we doing on--" Freeman: "Shh. Even the walls have ears, you know.")

The merchant ship have arrived and reluctantly agree to let Mariner and Rutherford go. They change into their fancy wedding stuff ready to be transported down. They are in the middle of a desert. "Screw you!" Mariner shouts uselessly at the sky.

Boimler is in the mess with Tendi and T'Lyn. Boimler is sweating profusely and tapping anxiously on the table. He cannot keep a secret this big. Tendi looks at him curiously. "Why do you keep tapping out "Cardassia" in Morse Code?" she asks, just at the moment when the room has gone silent. All eyes are on Boimler.

Mariner and Rutherford are hot, sweaty, bedraggled and exhausted. The doorkeeper reluctantly lets them in. "It's just started," he says. They sit down quietly in the back. Rutherford think his UT is playing up. "Did they just wish them many happy arguments?" he whispers.

Captain Freeman is nervously playing with her red scarf. "I wouldn't wear that if I were you," Ransom says. "I hear his reputation is quite formidable." Someone gestures that she's up.

We see her begin to walk out, and begin the "Since the days of the first wooden vessels, all shipmasters have had one happy privilege..." speech. The happy couple have their backs to us, and are silhouetted.

The camera zooms further back, and we are now at the back of the building. "Mom?" Mariner whispers to Rutherford.

We finally get to see the couple's faces as the camera pans back to Freeman and looks over her shoulder. Julian and Garak are facing each other. "...Of course, the legal part of this marriage has just been taken care of by the Cardassians -- but it is my privilege to bring this very human tradition to a Cardassian wedding ceremony and tell you that, Julian, you may kiss your husband."

Garak and Julian smile at each other, but the camera cuts away to the crowd. Federation guests are clapping and cheering; the Cardassians tend to be trying to avoid eye contact with anyone else in their vicinity.

We cut to the reception. Mariner's asking Julian "It all seemed so... Federation? Even the Cardassian bit?" Julian shrugs. "When you end up making every compromise in the book in the name of interstellar relations, it turns out all you get is a nondescript, bureaucratic service." He winks. "This is going to be when the fun starts."

Garak is complimenting Freeman on her scarf, and we can see in her face that she is totally lording it over Jack. Garak returns to his husband. "But you hated that scarf?" whispers Julian. "The things I do for diplomacy," replied Garak sorrowfully.

T'Ana is downing Kanar like it's nothing in the background to Shakx's distinct disapproval.

Mariner's managed to sneak Boimler, Tendi and T'Lyn into the party. "I can't believe we could have just come on the Cerritos," she moans, "but anyway, go wild."

Of course, her deeply uncool friends go wild by fangirling over their DS9 idols. At the end of that montage, Rutherford finally gets the chance to say "Thankyouforallyou'vedonefortheaugmentcommunityDoctorBashir". It's sweet.

Aaand endings are hard so sorry, I don't have one to neatly wrap this all up 😅 I will leave it to your wonderful imaginations.

[peachiejeongin]

Mall Madness | Han Jisung

Day 2 of the 12 Days of Staymas!

Synopsis: Christmas shopping with Han is anything but ordinary. What starts as a simple, practical trip to the mall quickly turns into a whirlwind of impulse purchases, holiday hijinks, and way too much Christmas spirit.

Pairing: bf!Han x reader

Genre: Fluff, Crack

Warnings: None!

Notice: Hello, my loves! Here is Day 2's fiction! If you missed Day 1, click the link above to read about making Christmas cookies with Felix :) Without further ado, enjoy the story!

You had no idea what possessed you to invite Han of all people to join you for Christmas shopping. Maybe it was his insistence of being a, "holiday genius," or the way his eyes sparkled when you mentioned the words, "Christmas sales." Whatever the reason, you found yourself at the entrance of the busiest mall in the city, clutching a list of carefully planned gifts.

You loved Han dearly, but you were already beginning to regret the decision.

"Okay, Ji," you said, holding up the meticulously organized checklist. "This is the plan: we hit these stores in this exact order, stick to the list, and avoid anything-"

"Not on sale," he finished for you with a mockingly serious tone. "Got it, boss."

"Sweet. Just no distractions, and absolutely no chaos."

"Chaos? With me? Never," he dragged out his tone sing songedly, causing you to shake your head.

You started your way to the Christmas decor store within the mall, planning on picking up a couple of items for your parents.

Yet, within five minutes, you were sprinting after Jisung in order to prevent him from buying a gigantic inflatable snowman.

"It's not on the list!" you hissed, tugging at his sleeve; he, on the other hand, was hugging the box like it was his long lost soulmate.

"Yeah, but think about how cool it would look in the dorm! I could put it in the living room, and-"

"And it's not even going to fit in the trunk of the car!" you argued.

Han sighed dramatically, setting the box down with a pout.

"Fine, but I'm still thinking about it." You rolled your eyes but grabbed his hand before he could wander off once more. You had now learned that letting Han loose in a mall was like letting a squirrel loose in an acorn emporium.

---

Things began to escalate when you hit the toy store. You needed to pick out gifts for your nieces, and Han took the mission incredibly seriously.

A bit too seriously, as a matter of fact.

"This doll is perfect," you beamed, holding up a sparkly princess doll.

"Yeah, but what if they like this better?" Han countered, holding up a robotic dinosaur.

"For a three-year old?" you questioned, raising an eyebrow.

Han ignored you, instead pressing a button on the dinosaur; it caused the toy to roar to life, letting out a mechanical screech so loud that a nearby toddler burst into tears.

"Oh no," Han whispered, panic flashing in his eyes. "Abort mission. Abort!" He shoved the dinosaur back onto the shelf and pulled you away from the aisle, whispering a frantic, "Go, go, go!" as the child's crying escalated.

You had barely made it into the next aisle before you both burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

---

"Let's take a break," you suggested after Jisung insisted on testing every scented candle in a home goods store; he had nearly set off your allergies with an overly strong apple spice one.

"Pretzels?" he suggested, eyes lighting up as if he had just won the lottery.

"Fine, but just one," you conceded.

Twenty minutes later, you were sitting on a food court booth with Han, who had somehow managed to come back with two pretzels, a tray of nachos, and a milkshake with two straws.

"Where did the nachos come from?" you inquired, stairing at the mountain of cheese and chips.

"They were calling to me," he stated solemnly, taking a huge bite out of his pretzel.

"Calling to you?"

"Yes! The spirit of Christmas spoke to me through this plate of cheesy goodness!" He nodded, completely serious.

"You're ridiculous," you laughed, shaking your head as you stole a chip off of the plate.

"And you love it!" he teased, leaning in closer to you with a cheeky grin.

You rolled your eyes, but you could not fight the urge to peck his cheek, ignoring the blush dusting your cheeks.

"Don't push your luck, Ji."

---

The highlight of the evening came when Han found an abandoned shopping cart in the parking garage.

"Oh no," you grimaced immediately, recognizing the mischevious dazzle in his eyes.

"Oh yes," he replied, already climbing into the cart.

"Ji, this is a horrible idea."

"Only if we don't commit!" he retaliated, giving you his best puppy-eyed expression. "Come on! Push me just for a little bit! For Christmas joy!"

You groaned but gave in, gripping the handle of the cart and giving it a cautious shove.

"Faster!" he yelled as if he were a child on a swing set.

You picked up the speed, laughing along with him as the cart zoomed down an empty stretch of pavement.

Until it hit a speedbump.

The cart tipped, Han tumbled out, and you both somehow ended up on the ground, howling with laughter as you tried to catch your breath.

---

By the time you finally made it back to the car, your shopping bags were filled with a mix of thoughtful gifts and completely unnecessary buys, such as the matching reindeer onesies Jisung had snuck in at the last second.

"You're impossible," you giggled as you buckled your seatbelt.

"Yet, here we are!" he exclaimed, flashing you a dazzling smile.

As the two of you pulled out of the parking lot, Han reached over and took your hand, lacing his fingers with yours.

"Today was awesome," he began softly. "I know was a bit much today, but it was exhilerating, truly."

You glanced at him, your heart melting at the sincerity in his tone.

"You're lucky I love you, Ji," you chuckled kindly, "or else I would have left you at the mall." He laughed, squeezing your hand tightly.

"Lucky for both of us then."

Despite the chaos, and your aching feet, you could not help but think that Christmas shopping with Han was exactly the kind of holiday magic you had not known you needed.

[wonuwrites]

are you still looking for MTL suggestions? how about MTL likely to have the rest of the group scheme to get them a date.

so like Most = the guy with zero rizz. he's shy or awkward or both but he needs all the help he can get. or he's the dummy who doesn't know he's in love. the members all "casually" DM you on the same day to see what you're doing on the day that he has open.

Least = this guy pulls. the members don't even know who he's out with, or if it's the same person every time, just that he's always out. the members trying to get him a date would actually backfire by throwing him off his game. their hijinks would be disastrous and he would be mortified but his blushing is so cute you still agree to a date. this man cannot be stopped.

Always looking MTL suggestions and sooo excited for this LOLOLOL. Thank you for asking for a MTL <3

Warnings: mostly fluffy but def some will be suggestive. *Cough Cough MINGYU Cough Cough*

A/N: I hope I did this the way you wanted if you wanted it to be written. also I'll be adding "songs" I was listening to while writing each of their parts to their name. For example:

Wonwoo (song linked is Message In A Bottle by Taylor Swift)

just doing so bc sharing music is a love language of mine and getting 13 chances to do that is awesome imo <3 LOL

before we begin I do want to say something: I do think all members have a bit of rizz to them. I think if they were presented with an opportunity they would kill it. I mean, they have MILLIONS of people who love them because they are them. The way I wrote this is based on my interpretations on how they've done things with Nana Tour and GoSe episodes. Please note this may differ from what others may see. Please let me know what y'all think after reading it. <3 ok let's start :D

M O S T

✫ Woozi *song note: this song has nothing to do with this one shot but ye*

Jihoon is one of those weird ones where he can charm people like nobody's business but idk I feel like he is really into his work so dating or anything like that is at the bottom of the barrel at the this point. I can see if he were to have a crush on someone, he would love them from afar because he doesn't want to ruin things with you but also not with his work. Due to this thought process is why I have him at first. He would NEED the members to step in because honestly, he could be okay with just loving you from afar. I could see members setting up blind dates for him actually. I could see all 12 of them trying so hard to be a wingman but honestly it was up to him whether or not he would want to have extra commitment at the time or not. Let's say a blind date did happen and you were the apple of his eye and all the members were in on it. I feel like it would be the most adorable yet most awkward date because of nerves and everything like that. He thought you were pretty and tbh, so did you. You thought he was cute as hell (which you are right.) If the date went well, he would def be the one to ask you for a second date and your number if he didn't already have it. <3

✫ Jun *song note: I'm obsessed with this song.*

I was debating on putting Jun and Jihoon at most for the longest time. Like I said in my Authors Note, I do think all of them have some type of rizz or whatever but Jun is one of the more quiet and shy members. The reasons I have him second is because I feel like he would like people that intimidate him at first meeting? haha. According to his K Profile he likes "someone who looks pure. He also likes sexy girls." So take that as you will. Anyways, I feel like he'd be a bit shy if he liked someone at first and would really be in his head about it. The members would literally drag him to your first date and if there was an outing with you they would always make sure you two were near each other. After a few awkward moments of adorable giggles and glances at each other, you both went on a double date with one of the other members (tbh probably Soonyoung or Minghao) and it was at that moment all the anxieties had went out the window. Over time, he became more confident and comfortable with your budding relationship. so sorry this is all jumbled, I had no inspo for this one :(

✫ Seungkwan *song note: the last NCT 127 I genuinely liked :(*

Seungkwan is pretty extroverted but he gets into his head a lot so out of all the members I can actually see him asking one of his hyungs to help him out. LOL. He just trusts his hyungs for the most part and he really wanted to be yours but he was afraid. He would try to act confident at all times but when it came to you he was a shy bean. He would probably have Seokmin or Jeonghan help him out if he were to personally ask for help. ngl, I can also see Mingyu trying to help him out as well but it would be more of a "I want Boo Seungkwan to be happy and I'm tired of him not making a move." After the guys planned a date for y'all, similarly to Jun his anxieties lightened up. He was enchanted for this moment and he was hoping you were also enchanted.

✫ S Coups *song name: this was high school and i miss hearing it on the bus*

Look, Seungcheol has got rizz, we all know this. HEAR ME OUT THO. There was a thing I saw a few weeks ago where he said he was sad because one day he would break million of carats hearts when he gets married which :') (PRECIOUS.) So because of this I feel like that's his mentality right now where he doesn't want to hurt anyone plus his main focus is Seventeen. I feel like he'd be the member where if he had a crush on you, he rather admire from a distant instead of hurting you because idol life and fear of what dating news would be like. I feel like Seventeen would hate seeing him hurt himself in process of trying not to hurt you but they could see his unintentional cold shoulder to you would be killing you inside. One day, Joshua couldn't handle it anymore and just texted both of you to meet at a restaurant to meet up and just see how things go. Which it did as everyone but you two assumed would. help this gives me a one shot idea. if someone wants it pls let me know xo

✫ Hoshi *song note: ngl I might make a oneshot with Soonyoung with this song in future*

Soonyoung is such a wild card so I put him in a category of "could go either way" along with Minghao and Wonwoo. With Soonyoung I feel like he is someone that would not have trouble in dating or getting numbers but I also know he is a bit more shy and reserved around others that he doesn't know so he wouldn't mind if other members got involved. I feel like he'd be more chill about their help then Wonwoo and Minghao. I think it wouldn't even matter which member or members were to help him out. He'd just be grateful for the support from them. If it was from members, it would mostly be a blind date where neither of you really knew each other but if you were friends with one of the members already he'd be a bit more comfortable. If your date was because of him, expect a very blushy Soonyoung who would be smiley the whole time because someone as special as you agreed to spend a few hours with someone like him.

✫ Minghao *song note: this is my fave song atm*

Minghao like I said in Soonyoung's part is part of my "it could go either way" line. I feel like unlike Soonyoung it would matter who helped him out because I feel like he'd ask for advice from the older members or the 97 line on what he should do. I feel like he would want to pursue you but he would be nervous about rejection which... who in their right mind would ever reject him?! Anyways, that would be why he would go seeking for help. I feel like once he got over that hurdle of self doubt and lands a date with you with the help of Jun he would be such a gentleman and you would wonder how in the world you were able to meet someone as amazing as Xu Minghao.

✫ Wonwoo

The final member of the "it could go either way" is the handsome as HELL member Jeon Wonwoo. (yes they are all handsome as hell but I am so whipped for him it's not okay.) With Wonwoo, I feel like he would admire from afar for a while and debate on if he would want to pursue someone or not. From what I've read online, it takes him awhile to get used to people which is why it would take him a month or so to see what he wants. Which is why his members would get involved. Some members, ie Hip Hop Unit (especially Seungcheol) might get impatient with is prolonged plan and would message you and invite you to an event with them. While at the event, they would try to subtly make sure that you both were near each other the whole time. I can see Seungcheol smirking if you both started to talk throughout the night and ignoring everyone else in the process. Mission accomplished.

me after i saw this gif

✫ Jeonghan *song note: I'm not even sorry about this song. it's a bop*

Now we are getting into the "members that don't need help" category. I feel like it is perfect to start it off with Yoon Jeonghan. Jeonghan has such a loving personality and has rizz that makes anyone blush. Don't believe me? Watch him with Hyungwon from Monsta X LMAOOOOO Anyways, I feel like if he likes you he would tease you like a school yard kid. Some might find it strange but it would win you over and have you tease him back as well. Bottom line you both would be leaving said conversations with new phone numbers in your phone afterwards.

✫ Joshua *song note: Help this song just gave me inspo for a Joshua one shot o.o*

Hong Jisoo is such a flirt, if you don't agree you can argue with the freaking wall. He would have you kicking your feet by just saying hello LMAO. He might act shy but we know homie is an extrovert and honestly I could see him pulling an Ariana Grande with you. "I see it, I want it, I got it." but of course make it *gentleman-y* He would come up to you first and would ask you questions and would just have you smiling and honestly as would you. Anyone looking would have thought y'all have known each other forever.

✫ Vernon *song note: this song is song of all songs*

Hansol doesn't need ANY help when it comes to dating but he's similar to Wonwoo where he is very selective to who he dates. He's the type of guy if he likes somebody, he will tell them or just pursue him. I can see him being one of the most casual members when it comes to asking you to go on a date or to be his. He'd ask you what you like to do and then would say something along the lines, "oh cool, would you like to do that sometime with me?" He would be all smiles if you said sure and honestly, it would surprise some of his members how good he was at getting dates. But then again, they all were obsessed with his charms as well so????

✫ Dokyeom *song note: hot people are swarats. (Swifite x Carats)*

For the final three we are in the "they def fuck" category LOL. I know Seokmin seems like a wild card pick but hear me out. I feel like even though he is introverted, he is also outgoing and not afraid to make connections. Plus he is part of the 97 group chat and idk to me the majority of that line just drip with rizz and able to get dates. I feel like Seokmin is similar to Jeonghan where his loving personality and just how he is makes people swoon. At first you were hesitant when you first became acquainted with him. You thought he was too good to be true. When you told him that, he would be taken aback and do everything in his power to show you that he was serious about you. idk how i feel about this one, I might come back and rewrite this or do a drabble later

✫ Dino *song note: this is my husband. yes he makes baby making music.*

pls don't tell him wait~~ sorry. anywhore. LEE CHAN fucks but also is a lover boy. I could end it there but that would be boring and Dinonara's deserve better. To be fair, if it wasn't for Wait he would not have been this low but Wait was just wow. Chan just has an aura where he would be such a tease to his significant other or his future partner. I can see him being a mashup of Mingyu, Jeonghan, and Joshua. He would be such an annoying flirt and would laugh or smirk if it made you flustered. Even if it came of cocky, it worked pretty well on his behalf. His members still would tease him regardless of the outcome too.

✫ Mingyu *Song Note: :) :) :) I love this song*

Kim Mingyu. This man fucks and it's delulu to think he does not. It's honestly weird when I think about Mingyu. I mean this respectfully when I say he gives such fuck boy x house husband vibes and sometimes it pisses me off. That's an aries for you tho. LMAO. Anyways, it's almost impossible to not fall in love with Mingyu. Not only is he super attractive but he also is just genuinely so nice which is why he would not struggle. Even if it is easy for him, if he was with you. He was with. you. He would be so down bad and would constantly compliment, flirt, and just love you. It would be as simple as basic math to him.

this took so much longer than I thought it would. I hope I did it the way you wanted me too <33

[wing-ed-thing]

Tobirama Mentorship Headcanons

Tags/Warnings: No Reader Pronouns

𓆃 One of those old school hard-asses who you think is going to be really hard on you, but is surprisingly patient, a great teacher, and is overall just sort of awkward.

𓆃 Out of all the mentors you could choose, Tobirama definitely isn't the popular choice. After all, Hashirama is far more charismatic (and hokage) and Madara, as standoffish as he is, offers a mysterious promise for great power.

𓆃 Tobirama is a surprising mix of technique and unexpected charisma. While more aloof and serious at first, you can count on Tobirama to simply be absolutely excellent at teaching.

𓆃 He somehow understands where the hold-ups happen and offers great advice on bypassing learning difficulties. He'll always have you try the hard technique first, making you accomplish that before he gives you the "shortcut version."

𓆃 "Do you see how much simpler making that one adjustment was?" he'll ask, knowing well his techniques work, "Compare that to the traditional method. It cuts the work in half."

𓆃 Very attached to the phrase, "Work smarter" with a great insistence that it "does not mean cutting corners!"

𓆃 Tobirama is extremely perceptive and has a large range of knowledge of different jutsu and types which he throws into mental calculations to understand where your hang-ups may be.

𓆃 He almost annoyingly leaves you to figure things out before he gives you the answer. Tobirama is trying to train you to think multi-dimensionally about your jutsu so that you can be creative in solving your own problems.

𓆃 Not only is he extremely smart, but he's great at communicating. You won't get clearer instructions from any other instructor and never makes you feel bad about asking questions.

𓆃 He takes each one seriously and puts significant thought into his answers.

𓆃 Tobirama isn't very charismatic off the bat. Instead, he has a perpetual resting angry face that makes him rather unapproachable.

𓆃 It's important to know that his expressions are subtle and are off this RBF base. He has no idea that he's making a sour, judgmental face most of the time.

𓆃 He's actually very dorky and will try to say things to relate to you, only to fail on the execution.

𓆃 From pathetic dad jokes that don't really make sense to "so... what kind of kunai do you carry?" he's not really good at socializing with his students when he's trying.

𓆃 Tobirama, however, loves pranks. He loves getting into hijinks so he'll end up being this "kind of cool mentor" by letting you into restricted areas and the like.

𓆃 He'll wear this little smirk because he's trying to act like he doesn't know what he's doing, but he loves that he's working with his students to play funnies on other people.

𓆃 Along with his awkward communication, Tobirama can frequently say very harsh things without realizing it. Being on the more "logical side," he doesn't often think about the connotations of the things he says.

𓆃 Tobirama is overall a really great choice for a mentor! While your beginning may be bumpy, you get the best of both worlds. You get to have a serious education and learn powerful new jutsu from a legendary shinobi who really treats you like family.

Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.

Notes: You would not believe how hard it's been to get good Tobirama panels let me tell you—

[bird-inacage]

The Heart Killers: Predictions (Kant as Bison's Keys to Freedom)

Welcome to the first of my speculative brain dumps on this couple. The updated trailer has had my brain theorising like crazy.

Khao has mentioned a few times now that Bison was adopted into his family, and killing essentially became his way of life. Kant then comes along and becomes Bison's escape - a welcome distraction from the violent life he leads.

Whether Kant's undercover objective it to scope for dirt or to take the brothers down, it's through this mission that Kant begins to sympathise with Bison and the circumstances that led him to become a hitman. His feelings will ultimately compromise or derail his original objective. Once everything is out in the open, this doesn't seem to deter Kant. If anything, it only doubles down his resolve to protect Bison from harm. "I just need to know I'll always be with you." "You think I'd go on living if you died?"

We've been told that Kant goes goo-goo eyed for Bison pretty early on. My hunch is that once he finds out the type of life Bison is swept up in and just how dangerous it is, his personal mission will be to try and free him: "I'll help you start over". And if he can't free him in the immediate effect, he'll join him in order to watch his back. "We'll take care of each other. This isn't just an empty promise." Based on the fact he was asked to help with detective work in the first place, Kant must have some pretty handy skills in his arsenal, and likely knows a thing or two about survival.

On that basis, perhaps the real conflict for these two won't be the getting things out into the open, but what Bison chooses to do for his freedom. We don't yet know whether he’s on good terms with his adoptive family. It could very well be that he simply doesn't want to kill, but has too much gratitude towards them for taking him in, that he could never disobey or defy them.

So when Kant tries to find him an out or whisk him away - Bison will then have a choice to make. To leave with Kant, or side with his family. Staying would also mean exposing Kant (who seems eager to protect him) to the same violence he's desperate to leave behind, which may further complicate things. "With the way I live, I can't promise you anything." (I could die tomorrow).

The other thing I would be wary of is in order to 'free' Bison in some way, shape or form (from his supposed crimes and lifestyle), Kant may have to sacrifice or offer something in exchange. Considering he's the one tasked to investigate the two brothers (in order to put them behind bars, I would assume), there's a poetic irony if he turns out to be the key to Bison's freedom. Hearing how Khao loves Kant as a character also speaks volumes to me about his role in the story and what he means to Bison. But I may just be letting my mind run riot.

(Note: very interesting shot in the trailer below. To me, it almost looks like they're doing a 'training' exercise for something. Bison with his gun on Kant whilst he jumps into the sea tied up).

Narratively speaking, I’m not sure how this all of fits into a romcom of all things but I have a feeling Jojo is going to surprise us with his hijinks. Let’s wait and see!

[wordy-little-witch]

Ghost Roger ships Shuggy and that’s why when Crocodile and Mihawk start to court the clown all hell breaks loose.

Okay it may be a bit more complicated than that, Roger is protective of his kids in a way, he feels a bit remorseful for not making feel Buggy important in live and he’s HELLA worried about how his sons parted ways. Of course even if there’s more to it than just “There were some misunderstandings” and he maybe won’t be able to make things completely right after dead, he still wishes those two would just TALK to each other. He probably told Buggy a lot of stuff after he first was able to contact him, but that doesn’t mean the grudge against Shanks (and Roger for that matter) is immediately gone.

So Roger really hopes those two make up and maybe kiss a little, he’s seen those obvious crushes those two had on each other for ages…. So when the two men who threatened his Bug suddenly start to get all flirty with him… well you can’t blame him for not being completely rational about it.

He can’t really do much besides be a nuisance, hiding things from them, throwing things off the table, one time he secretly put ketchup in Crocodiles coffee and he counts that as a massive victory, but he’s not full on Poltergeist level, he doesn’t have much power anymore. The only time he regains a significant amount of Strenght is when Buggy confronted him about this behavior, it truly was a scene to behold, Buggy, screaming into an empty room that Roger can’t decide who or who not he gets to trust and choose for himself, and Roger, not being able to communicate his own frustrations to Buggy and tell him he’s just worried but that Buggy also needs to stop being so damn stubborn, throwing things across the room and howling and causing a storm just with his intense emotions alone.

It’s only late at night when they both have calmed down that Roger makes his way back to Buggies room, now properly calmed and thinking somewhat rationally again. He doesn’t have much more energy than to scribble a “Sorry” with Buggys lipstick onto the mirror, but he knows his boy will get what he means.

Roger might get pleasantly surprised on several accounts tough, not only do Buggys new suitors actually care for him, despite their initial treatment of him, but Buggy may or may not also reconcile with Shanks after some gentler pushes and encouragement from his side…. And it may or may not turn out that Buggy has a lot of space for several people in his heart, who’d have thought? Atta boy! His little casanova….

Oh my goshhhh yeah this exactly (sorry it took so long to respond, was a lil busy)

Roger really would be like. The strangest mix if "you got this!!" And "not on my watch". He's got redneck girl dad vibes, like "don't mind me sitting on the porch making aggressive eye contact while I clean my gun and/or sword, kid, but yeah I know how to use them and use them well anyway be good to my kid or else haha no I'm serious-"

Ironically I feel like Roger would be pushing less for a Slowburn Romance for Shuggy and more a you can fix it and salvage smth and maybe it's different but you two are two sides of one coin guys come onnnn- type of deal. Like. The kisses would be nice (he'd win the bet and Rayleigh would owe him 500 berri) but also it just... it hurts to see his kids so hurt. It doesn't matter how the end result is configured so long as some of the pain is abated.

So when Buggy, his baby blue, his bright and bold and flashy little nugget, begins getting courted by the same men who unflinchingly harmed him?

When Roger has SEEN the things Buggy went through up to this point?

When Roger knows how easy it is for Buggy to fall into the arms of someone who means him harm, when he knows how Buggy clings to and almost searches for it?

Oh he's livid. He's frothing. He's not going to let that slide, not even remotely.

And so begins his Hijinks.

And so ignites Buggy's temper.

It goes on maybe a month, if that. Roger is petty and angry, but he's pacing it and being careful to make it impossible to trace to his kid. The few opportunities that leaves for him is very good motivation to go bigger each time. Croc's favored pen? Gone. Mihawk's wine glass? Different cabinet. Croc's ash tray? Flipped onto a document. Hawkeye's wine bottles? All corks are in some way damaged. He starts small and works his way up.

The ketchup in the coffee was his magnum opus - and that was Buggy's last straw.

He passes Alvida and informs her that it's a Code Pink. She nods and spreads the word. Nobody gets in his way as he beeline to his workshop and the adjacent sheds connected there.

It's arguably a hurricane by way of fury. Things are thrown and voices blow into uneven crescendos. Buggy begins to angry cry and Roger pulls at his own hair to fight the urge to wipe the tears away or crush the emotions out of his kid with his own arms. It's a hot mess, and it only gets worse when Roger hears Buggy say the one thing he didn't ever want to hear but suspected nonetheless.

"What's it matter if they hurt me? I deserve it-!"

He'll admit - he doesn't rightly recall what exactly it is that he does after that. The words echoed in his head, louder and louder until it was a battering ram in his skull. He doesn't remember much of that split second between hearing it and acting, but he found himself crushing his boy into his chest, one hand in blue curls, the other across a trembling back.

"Never," he swears, "you never deserve to be hurt, Blue. I'm so sorry you feel like that's true, but baby Bug, Red has told you-"

And that's the final straw for Buggy.

"Red?! Red's all you ever fucking think about!" And he shoves Roger away, mouth running faster than he can stop it, tears falling with the mess of his emotions as he rants and raves and leaves a captain, a father, hollow in shock.

Buggy pauses for a breath, and Roger reaches out, just to pull back at the swat to his hand.

"No," Buggy hiccups, "I just... I'm done. I'm fucking done. Go find someone else to bother. I'm through."

He leaves.

And Roger rages.

Hours later, finally calm and able to rationally think, he drifts to Buggy's room. He's shaking with exhaustion, but he grabs a lipstick - the cheap writing one, never Buggy's good lip color - and scrawls an apology onto the mirror. He floats over to Buggy's bedside, watches his kid sleep, tear tracks on his face and dried in his lashes. He aches.

He sits vigil there all the night, energy depleting until he's a bare whisp of a presence. He'll protect his kid how he can, but he won't step in the way.

It's only when Rouge offers to trade out that he deigns to rest.

Things go back to mostly normal afterwards.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

When it turns out that Crocodile and Mihawk truly do care for and want to make Buggy happy, Roger is pleasantly surprised and very suspicious. He keeps it mostly to himself (and to Rouge, Ace and Eddie), but he is watching. He gets to witness the growth first hand - except some things second hand, because he may be a pirate, but he's also a father and some things are meant for a parent's eyes to never ever EVER see - but he does see it. He acknowledges it. And he gives his approval subtly.

So when things begin blooming outward, he's aware, somewhat, but mostly acting as but an observer. Though when those tendrils of Blue reaches out to Red.... well. He's Looking Heavily.

And then he's cheering aggressively because YES!! FINALLY!!!! RAYLEIGH OWES HIM SO MANY BERRI!!!!

And when blue and brown eyes cut towards him, Roger pauses, shrinks a little. By the Seas he forgot how weird his kids and their Haki was. He waves awkwardly.

".... Captain," Shanks says after a moment.

"Red...?"

"I am very happy to see you, believe me. But I also am very happy to have Buggy in my arm, so maybe go bother Lucky Roux or Yassop while I do unspeakable things to my Blue."

"Shanks," Buggy squawks angrily with a face as red as his nose, squirming in place.

Roger just laughs, gives a salute. "Aye, captains!"

He slips off through the walls to the symphony of his eldest laughing while baby blue complains loudly. There was a sudden thump, silence, then rustling. Roger, eyes wide, floated faster.

He'd always said Buggy would steal riches and hearts alike.

By Davy Jones, Ray owed him so much money.

[leiflitter]

Gale Dekarios and The Wizard of Waterdeep

Aka Leif vents their brain into Tumblr again because I have Thoughts About The Wizard! Is it coherent? PROBABLY NOT I'M DOING THIS FOR FUN.

General rambling below the cut!

Firstly- this little braindump is based upon my interpretation of Gale as a Neurodivergent Individual, so I guess if you're not on the "Gale would be so fuckin into magic the gathering if he was in this realm" train, then this may not be for you. Which is fine! I'm just yelling into the void here.

Also; characters are fun because we can interpret them in different ways! This is in no way meant to stomp on anyone else's headcanons of Gale, and may even be entirely overwritten if more info comes out about him from Larian.

I wrote a ton and then fuckin lost it all but hey that's fine I can condense it WAY more now. So let's go, bullet points!

Gale of Waterdeep is Gale Dekarios' mask.

If you don't know what Masking is- a quick definition for ya-

Neurodivergent masking refers to the practice of concealing or suppressing aspects of one's neurodivergent traits or conditions, in order to fit in with the norms of the workplace or society.

Let's begin at the beginning-

Gale as a child would have been insufferable. He was a prodigy, yes, but also clearly lacked proper consequences for his actions (his punishment for Blackstaff hijinks in his first year? Writing lines. HE OPENED A PORTAL TO LIMBO AND ALMOST DIED). This may be due to Mystra's influence, even if it was indirect, but there's no faster way to alienate a child from their peers than to both mark them as Very Special and let them get away with everything. Gale's magical education likely left his social education lacking.

As Gale's also mentioned that he was a prodigy, and was using 4th level spells (summon elemental) when he was living at home (at least part of the time), he may even have been younger than his fellow first year apprentice wizards when he was admitted- further isolating him. He specifically says he was a child when he, uh, "borrowed" the blackstaff- we just don't know how old Blackstaff first years tend to be.

Also, from Gale's story about the Blackstaff, he seemed to be attending Wizard Boarding School (he wanted to get to the first year dorms). So he was not only set apart from his peers, he had to live in a dorm with them.

To navigate this difficult social situation, Gale Dekarios becomes Gale of Waterdeep- he starts Masking. He puts on his Wizard Suit and acts the way Wizards should, because those are the Wizard Rules.

For an example of these Wizard Rules- the closest equivalent we have to Pre-Folly Gale would probably be Lorroakan - and Lorroakan is a great example of Wizard Language and Wizard Rules. Yes, Lorroakan is an absolute shitweasel, but let's consider him an extreme example- pre-folly Gale turned up to 15. Heck, he even does the little ☝️ when you speak to him (Gale does it better bro, sorry).

Elminster is also a good example- he's almost allergic to just saying something straight out until he absolutely has to, but he'll dance around the point repeatedly. A trait Gale shows before he reveals the orb:

Gale. Seriously. He'd get you a birthday present and make five billion hints about it, I swear. But again- that's How Fancy Wizards Talk in this canon. And Gale does it excellently.

Gale masking also explains how his Wizard Rizz and his loneliness coexist. Gale of Waterdeep has a practiced tongue and has totally had sex with mortals. Gale Dekarios, on the other hand, is stuck inside Gale of Waterdeep like that little alien in Men in Black.

The Wizard of Waterdeep can only facilitate shallow connections because there's nothing behind the Thesaurus Vocabulary. The confidence he projects is essentially an illusion, but it's one he relies on to navigate his world. He's isolated by default- as you grow closer, he admits this:

Note how he says Tara was "always" telling him to get mortal friends- we know that Gale conjured Tara when he was young. Assuming that he's not exaggerating to an exponential degree, we can assume that Gale's never really had a friendship based on actual mutual appreciation- more that any connections he had were entirely due to his magical ability and proximity to Mystra.

Thus while he may not be a virgin on the physical plane, I doubt that his experiences were in any way personal or meaningful.

We know Gale's a romantic at heart- but again, he cannot remove the mask. From personal experience, masking can often lead you to do things you don't quite "get" because it's what "normal" people do.

Although it could be explained by scripting limitations, I would have expected any meaningful romantic encounters to be mentioned- especially as you directly ask him if you're his first mortal partner. Gale is an expert at oversharing- I would consider it in-character for him to ramble about his first mortal love before realising that he's cramming his foot into his mouth and shutting up (similar to the "Mystra once took the tiniest piece of weave and-" scene).

Again, without further info from Gale's writers, we've got space to play in- my personal feeling is that Gale has had hookups, most likely with his wizarding peers, but as he didn't let his peers see beyond the Wizard of Waterdeep, anything more than casual just wouldn't happen. He couldn't let anyone close enough to get behind the mask, especially not another wizard- as other wizards are those he's most trying to blend in with.

Enter Mystra (Derogatory) + a lil more Lorroakan (Derogatory)

A minor sidetrack here- part of why I tend to see Gale as early-mid 30s is to do with the Mystra timeline and my own personal experiences. So- firstly, as BG3 is set in 1492. Mystra was slain (aw yeah) in 1385, which started The Spellplague, but she was restored (boo, hiss, we were fine without her) in 1480. So there's about 12ish years where Mystra was, y'know, alive and able to interact with Gale. Gale spent one of those years with the orb, and before that he had to go and find the orb. So let's say he and Mystra spent about a decade together, from teacher > lover.

I've already expounded about why I think Mystra doesn't give a single shit about Gale in my previous GaleRant- my basic thoughts are that Mystra's relationship with Gale was a form of damage control to prevent him becoming Karsus 2.0, but as she didn't actually care enough about him to get to know him, her plans actually made him more likely to go all Netherese Magic.

We're going to hop back to Lorroakan for a sec. Again, he proves to be a good analogue for Gale. Lorroakan has been in residence at Ramazith's Tower for about 10 years- even though context clues show us that he's definitely not up to Gale's standard, so we'll assume he's probably a little bit older than our Child Prodigy- and he's definately less of a go-getter, seeing as how he's paying folks to go get the Nightsong instead of doing it himself. The big baby.

Lorroakan is important because he demonstrates the sort of shit egotistical wizards do when they aren't distracted by Mystra's blue sparkly tits. Again, a minor assumption that he's maybe a little older than Gale- he has taken ownership of a famous Wizard's Tower, absolutely upped his PR game to Kardashian tier over a decade, and now he's trying to find the Nightsong. Is it just me, or is there HUBRIS in the air?

Now, back to Gale. We know he was trying to prove himself from childhood. Elementals, Tara, The Blackstaff- and, frankly, does he seem like the kind of guy to leave it at that? I doubt it- hence why I peg him at early-mid 30s, depending on when Mystra tried the Godly equivalent of danging keys in front of a cat. I reckon he'd have dashed into some sort of cataclysmic bullshittery as soon as he graduated from Wizard School. And we know he probably became a full-fledged wizard early, given that he's a smart lil guy.

HOWEVER, back to my actual point about Gale's general social life/etc- Gale absolutely lacks real-world experience.

I'm not talking him hanging out in the Yawning Portal. I'm talking his actual, prolonged exposure to the world outside of Wizard Life.

(Yes, it is absolutely possible that he spent however-long just quietly studying for Wizard in between him becoming a full wizard and his exile, but! With age comes exposure- and Gale is actually a fairly adventurous lil dweeb. He's curious- and again, had he been given true freedom, he probably would be off gathering eldritch relics and causing havok)

My main point, though, is that a major point of Gale's entire plot is that he is being forcibly unmasked by the circumstances he's in- and this is in many ways the catalyst for late-game stuff.

Gale's primary conflict isn't truly against Mystra, because let's be real- Mystra doesn't give much of a shit about him one way or another. I'm not even convinced that she cares about The Absolute- I think she just doesn't want to go through the hassle of dying again, and she doesn't respect Gale enough to even consider a way to actually communicate with him about it.

Gale's arc is a struggle between Gale of Waterdeep and Gale Dekarios- and Gale coming to terms with himself as a person. Not as a wizard. Not as a prodigy. Not as anything special- just a man.

You see it in the language he uses- he goes from speaking in monologues to telling you to stop licking the damn thing!

You see it in his emotional range expanding- when you yoink him from the portal, he's immediately cheery! You could whack him in a faculty party and he'd probably behave in the exact same way- and then the night before Moonrise he's terrified. He even becomes more honest in his aspirations- yes, he still dresses it up to be persuasive, but he doesn't try to play it cool. He's absolutely geeking out about it alongside everything else.

Gale of Waterdeep demands a lot to be maintained, and it's a comforting outfit to wear. He slips, but the beauty in the story is that you can take Gale Dekarios by the hand and show him that he can be mortal. He can feel pain and greed and desire, disgust and shame and sadness, and it isn't a bad thing. He can be confident for real, and not as camouflage- he can be horny on main and as long as it's genuine, he's absolutely rockin' it.

And as someone who was and is going through it, it's made me appreciate him immensely.

[ikilledyvette]

THINGS I'D LOVE TO SEE IN SEASON 8 of 9-1-1

(in no particular order)

More Hen & Buck scenes, with or without tequila. (One of my favorite things about S6 was all the Hen and Buck time.)

Literally any kind of happy storyline for Maddie where she doesn't have to cry. (Let that poor woman breathe! JLH has been crying for literal decades now!)

Buck and Tommy continue their sweet, funny, and actually interesting romantic relationship. They can fight or have problems, sure, but not stupid bullshit problems created for The Drama. If they absolutely must break up, it's not because one or both of them have spontaneously turned into assholes. THERE WILL BE NO INFIDELITY, GODDAMNIT.

Seriously, though, Buck/Tommy are so fucking adorable, so ideally for me ... no breakup at all, please.

Zero romance for Eddie. Instead, Eddie goes back to therapy (with Frank, grief support group, etc.) and then fixes things with Christopher when Christopher comes back. (WHEN, I say, because the alternative is far too bleak.) Eddie can have romance again in S9, after he's doing better, and if the writers ever manage to give him a canonical love interest that he actually seems interested in. (TBH, I'd give someone's LEFT HAND to see Aromantic Eddie, but even for a dream list, that seems ... unlikely.)

One episode dedicated to Team Shenanigans and Hijinks. Alternatively, someone (probably Eddie) says the q-word again.

Buck having a delayed emotional breakdown about one of the following traumas: getting his leg crushed by a firetruck, surviving a tsunami, seeing Eddie get shot right in front of him, being a savior baby/lousy parents are still lousy, etc.

Someone in the 118 specifically chooses NOT to forgive their shitty parents, and everyone else on the team supports that decision. My personal favorites here are Chim and Buck, but honestly, I would take anyone. (Tommy, too, and I suspect he's the most likely candidate.)

Eddie is in full Passive Aggressive Sass Mode whenever dealing with Gerard. I want the same sort of bitchy commentary he made while he was taken hostage in that ambulance.

Let Eddie and Maddie actually have a scene together! They have a frankly weird amount in common for characters who basically never interact! (Alternatively, let Eddie and Linda's friendship from S5 continue! They can text each other recipes or something!)

More Radiohead and/or surreal nightmare imagery because that scene from "Chimney Begins" still haunts me in the best of ways.

The reappearance of any or all of the following characters (with the caveat that they are NOT allowed to die): Eli, Carla, Albert, Frank, Ruth from the gas station, and—of course—Karen. Always more Karen.