#// Their bedside manners are atrocious

[kimimarothechosenvessel]

Orochimaru when he’s in pain: Yells, breaks the furniture with his chakra

Orochimaru when someone else is in pain: Stop that, it’s counterproductive.

@vilesn4ke

[communisminmygayspaceutopia]

so glad the doctor is in this episode he hasn't been in the last 6 or so

[not-quite-so-gored]

Still holding Dundy's face between his hands, Graham took a long, hard look at him, a slight crease appearing in his brow. He leant forward to kiss him instead, his mouth, along the jawline, the crock of his neck; a poor attempt to ease him back into what they seemed to have had beforehand.

Because he hated that feeling, Dundy stuttering and shivering like he was holding him at gunpoint, as if he didn't want to be here; with him. Suddenly that terrifying implication was back in his head, that he didn't want him at all, that he's only following whims because of a few years of seniority, because he thought that he couldn't refuse or decline without his career taking a serious hit. It made him feel utterly disgusting with himself.

“Would you like that? Be good for me? It's... really hard for me to read the room right now and... I-I cannot help but feel like I'm pushing you.“

Graham put one hand flat against Dundy's chest.

“Do you even w-want me?“

>he'll take his time, get a little more put together (it's just the first lieutenant, they're on somewhat friendly terms, n he wants to look presentable but not too outwardly like he's showing up for a date), grab those inks n papers n then head foreward for the sickbay

>then he kinda' hovers there awkwardly, not so sure how to start bc gore's always been the best of them, n dundy's always kinda' felt gore replaced him... gore's better at parties, gore's better at talking, gore's prettier, gore's not a fucking french-irish catholic, gore's an arctic veteran, gore's a smooth operator, and dundy's an elephant in a china shop trying to buy a very small dish for his mother

Hey @not-quite-so-gored >he offers a smile, trying to be smooth; now that they're no longer on print, and dundy's confronted with gore's frankly blinding visage, he's suddenly nervous and flustered brought you some papers.... how.. um... how've you been? >he's not sure if he should sit or what hope it's not been too much of a pain 😘 >god he's making a fool of himself

[eddiegettingshot]

sometimes buck wants to be the paramedic though. is the thing. and while he wants the true-to-life experience from eddie he doesn't have that kind of strength. so every time buck plays medic it turns into him examining eddie's entire body. with gloves on perhaps for effect before he gets tired of those and uses his bare hands. they don't even get the chance to use props. his bedside manner is atrocious and eddie doesn't even care because he is so so into it.

[cringefailvox]

Yooo you have an Alastor + Vaggie-centric AU 👀👀👀 what are some of the details if you don’t mind me asking jagsjajhsjsk

OKAY SO. back in april, birdsaretoddlers and i were talking about the potential hilarity of a vaggie/charlie/alastor poly dynamic and then we accidentally got way too into vaggie/alastor as a concept, which spiraled into a whole au that has unfortunately not left the discord server but MAYBE. SOMEDAY......

the barest bones of it are essentially that vaggie represents everything that alastor finds most pathetic & baffling in other people: dogged, singular loyalty to a cause & a person based on sheer loving devotion, with no ulterior motives or plans beyond protecting and supporting that person. and of course she rubs him the wrong way extremely frequently, just as much as he gets on her nerves. she's nearly codependent with charlie while alastor would rather chew off his own foot than be tethered to someone in that way. he's the type of sinner who exemplified vaggie's mission as an exorcist, the kind of demon she wouldn't have thought twice about cutting down because he clearly deserves it. he's never felt remorse in his life and vaggie has been walking on her knees for a thousand miles in the desert repenting since the day she fell. they are diametrically opposed.

AND YET. alastor recognizes a lot of his own traits in her as well! she's guarded, secretive, violent, has a lot of trust issues, and possessive of what she considers hers. alastor knows exactly what that's like. but vaggie is mystifying to him, because he cannot for the love of g-d understand what kind of sentimental nonsense could drive her to recklessly put her life on the line for charlie over and over and over again, with no regard for her own safety and NO other motivations besides?? LOVE??? sounds fake but ok.

vaggie also sees some of herself in alastor too, as much as it rankles—she's reminded viscerally of herself in the early days after losing her wings and her eye, suspicious and traumatized and deeply mistrustful of charlie's good intentions. couldn't even fathom that kindness could be genuine in hell. she looks at alastor and all of his trust issues and decides "redeeming this guy is impossible, but i really think i could at least get him to stop biting," you know, like you'd think about a reactive shelter dog who keeps growling at your handful of treats. you'll never be able to take that dog out in public without a lot of precautions and low expectations, but at least at home, it'll trust you not to hurt it if it lays its head in your lap.

for alastor's part, his whole interest in vaggie starts off as a way to cuddle up to charlie (and piss off lucifer), but he rapidly gets way too invested because there's no such thing as doing anything ironically for long, and it's kind of his Move, yk? he worms relentlessly into someone's life until he firmly has their attention, and then when he realizes he's in too deep and tries to withdraw and they cling, he's like "?? leave me alone??" (bird: "the ol vox special gets him literally nowhere") but now VAGGIE is invested too bc she's reluctantly fond of this creepy weirdo who eats deer carcasses in his room and for some reason let adam almost kill him defending the hotel, he doesn't get to just crawl away and die from his injury now that she's finally starting to like his freak ass. of course alastor is a nightmare patient and vaggie's bedside manner is atrocious so they're really bad at it. but they're trying and that's what matters!!

(also, charlie is weeping with joy in the background of all of this—her two biggest supporters, getting along!! kind of!! she's so proud of them both!!!! [alastor has completely forgotten that this venture started off as a way to manipulate charlie. get polycule'd, idiot]).

hopefully one day we'll manage to turn this into an actual fic, but for now enjoy these highlights :]

[tsarjozinzbazin]

Crying over TikTok today, so could I please have your idea of how each of the doctors provides emotional support to a patient? (Even if it’s just Stanley as the standing-man emoji, I could use a good laugh. Thank you.)

Harry's definitely the best at comforting his patients. He tries to get to know them on a personal level (which Stanley does not approve of) and definitely has a gentle way of putting things. Some men absolutely despise this, as they feel like their health is in the hands of a 'mary ann'

Alex is definitely quite good with his bedside manners, much like Harry. However I imagine he brings almost a fatherly comfort to them, treating the crew as if they were his sons.

John is a weird one but definitely not too uncomfortable to be with. He doesn't speak when he doesn't need to so he may come off as cold, but he is quite gentle in his mannerisms and a wonderful listener if the patient needs to talk.

Stephen's bedside manners are absolutely atrocious (if it wasn't clear from him cutting Le Vesconte's toes off without even batting an eye). He never quite comforts his patients, more so scolds them for being reckless. But however mean he is, he is a very skilled surgeon and a doctor. Even if he screams and yells at you, you know you're in good hands.

[ask-doctor-isami]

"I admire that optimism, but you're going about this all wrong. You want to build your connections, Shinjo-kun, build them. I say this out of reasonable concern as a friend," since when did that word ever come to mind about the irritating kohai? "You're incredibly aggressively annoying at the moment."

He waits a moment to allow the statement to sink in, "I haven't come this far without any involvement in Darkwick's legal processes, they're...cutthroat at times. And you need a good rapport before you can bring out the knives on your own clients. Clients need different approaches the same way different patients do. Right now you have one singular approach, and your idealized law career won't go very far that way. Do you understand?"

@ritsu-shinjo has started following ask-doctor-isami

Yuri narrows his eyes, "What now? All my legal paperwork is FILED, Shinjo! And your next check-up isn't scheduled until next week; to what do I owe the displeasure of a check-in with Sinostra's legal department?"

[toothsalad]

for doctors who specialize with such delicate and intimate matters as sexual health, OB-GYNs on the whole seem to have atrocious bedside manner

[horoscope1078]

:)

Ferran burst through Pedri’s front door, his gym bag slung over his shoulder, and a look of mild panic on his face. “How is he?” he called out, his voice echoing through the quiet apartment.

Pedri’s best friend, and Ferran’s hopeless crush, you, appeared from the kitchen holding a bowl of steaming soup. You raised an eyebrow at Ferran. “It’s just the stomach flu, not the plague. You didn’t have to sprint over like it’s a life-or-death situation.”

Ferran ignored your teasing and dropped his bag onto the floor. “Where is he? I should’ve brought, like, I don’t know, ginger tea or... something. Does he need anything?”

“Relax, Florence Nightingale. He’s in his room.” you replied with a smile, motioning toward the hallway. “But brace yourself. He’s being dramatic.”

The two of you made your way to Pedri’s room, where the young midfielder was sprawled across his bed like a fallen soldier. His hair was a mess, his face pale, and a bucket sat ominously by his bedside.

“Finally...” Pedri croaked, clutching his stomach as though he’d been fatally wounded. “My rescuers. I thought I’d perish alone.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Ferran said, crossing his arms.

“You look terrible.” you chimed in, setting the soup on Pedri’s nightstand. “Eat this. It’ll help.”

“I can’t eat.” Pedri groaned dramatically. “I’ll die if I eat.”

“Then don’t eat. That’ll make things easier.” you shot back, rolling your eyes.

“Wow” Pedri said, his voice heavy with mock betrayal. “This is the woman you’re in love with, Ferran? Her bedside manner is atrocious.”

Ferran froze like a deer caught in headlights. “What?” he spluttered, his cheeks burning.

Pedri smirked, clearly enjoying himself despite his misery. “What? Did I say something wrong? My bad.”

You glanced at Ferran with a quizzical expression, then back at Pedri. “Is the fever making you hallucinate? Because I’m starting to think we should call a doctor.”

“No fever, just vibes.” Pedri mumbled, suppressing a laugh that turned into a weak cough. “Anyway, Ferran, you’re blushing. She’s going to figure it out, you know. Just confess already.”

“Okay, that’s enough out of you.” Ferran said hastily, grabbing a pillow from Pedri’s bed and gently shoving it over his friend’s face.

“Mmph!!” came Pedri’s muffled protest before Ferran relented.

“Seriously, though, are you two finally going to get together, or am I going to have to set you up while I’m half-dead?” Pedri asked, his voice slightly strained but full of mischief.

Ferran turned to you, his hands raised defensively. “I don’t know what he’s talking about.”

You just laughed, a soft sound that made Ferran’s stomach flip in a way that had nothing to do with the flu. “Ignore him.” you said, waving a hand dismissively. “He’s clearly delirious. Let’s just focus on making sure he survives the next 24 hours.”

“Oh, so you admit you’re ignoring the elephant in the room?” Pedri wheezed, clutching his blanket. “How convenient.”

“Do you want me to dump this soup on your head?” you threatened, holding up the bowl.

Pedri groaned and leaned back against his pillows. “Fine, fine. But for the record, I’m right. And you two are boring.”

Ferran muttered something under his breath and pulled up a chair by the bed. “How about we talk about you instead? Like how you ended up getting sick.”

Pedri pointed accusingly at Ferran. “It’s your fault.”

“Mine?” Ferran said, genuinely offended. “What did I do?”

“You dared me to eat that stupid hot sauce at the team dinner.”

Ferran blinked. “That was two days ago.”

“And now I’m dying. Cause and effect.” Pedri said solemnly, waving a weak hand in the air.

“I don’t think that’s how stomach flu works.” you interjected with a laugh.

“Don’t take his side.” Pedri grumbled. “Traitor.”

As the hours passed, the three of you fell into an easy rhythm, Pedri alternating between whining and dozing, you alternating between nurturing and sarcastic, and Ferran trying his best not to combust every time your hands brushed while you tidied up or handed Pedri water.

At one point, while Ferran was distracted fluffing Pedri’s pillows, Pedri stage-whispered to you “He’s obsessed with you, y'know. Talks about you all the time. It’s unbearable.”

Ferran dropped the pillow on Pedri’s face again.

“What was that?” you asked innocently, pretending not to hear.

“Nothing!” Ferran said quickly.

“Everything...” Pedri groaned from under the pillow. “He’s hopelessly in lo..”

Ferran snatched the pillow away just as Pedri dissolved into another coughing fit.

You raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “You’re awfully jumpy today, Ferran.”

“Just tired.” he muttered, avoiding your gaze.

By the end of the day, Pedri was visibly better, well enough to start texting their teammates about how Ferran had nearly fainted when you smiled at him.

“Why are you typing so furiously?” Ferran asked suspiciously.

“Oh, just telling Gavi how you..”

“Give me that!” Ferran lunged for the phone, but Pedri held it out of reach, laughing weakly but victoriously.

You sighed, shaking your head as you watched the two of them wrestle. “You guys are impossible.”

Pedri smirked at you. “He’s impossible. I’m a delight.”

“You’re an instigator.” you corrected.

“And yet” Pedri said with a grin “you’re still here. Wonder why that is.”

You didn’t answer, but the faint blush on your cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by Ferran, who was suddenly feeling a lot more hopeful.

As the evening wound down and Ferran packed up to leave, Pedri gave him a sly look. “So, when are you going to ask her out?”

Ferran groaned, grabbing the nearest blanket and throwing it over Pedri’s head.

But as he glanced back at you, catching you smiling softly at him, he couldn’t help but think that maybe Pedri’s meddling wasn’t so bad after all.

---

Did y'all miss me? ;) I was busy and out of fiction ideas until learning Pedri got stomach flu. Hope he's okay now.

[pavlovianfuckery]

iZombie Masterlist

Here's where all the iZombie fics live (or not), fic links in chronological order and cliffnotes version of tags under the cut

is that rigor mortis in your pocket or are you just happy to see me - butt stuff, banter, some light spanking

this is where i'd put my frankenstein joke IF I HAD ONE - oral sex, e-stim

here's my number so call me, zombie - masturbation, bit of dirty talk, phone sex shenanigans

paging dr debeers and his atrocious bedside manner, it's very urgent actually - medical kink and roleplay, this dr got his license in a cereal packet probably, light bondage, light fisting

i made another muppet joke and it's getting out of hand -fingering, fisting, toys (a bit)

i'm not as think as you drunk i am - PIV sex, kind of soft

baby, i could be your LÖVBACKEN or your GAMLEHULT - human furniture kink (done badly), blowjob stuff, some fingering (do you want ice with that?) dry humping or something

you're getting very sleep- oh wait. oh no - hypno and schrödinger's spiked drink

there's a joke about being railed somewhere in here - CNC, oral sex w/ a gun, some light knifeplay

the mental reset button is in the ass, right? part 2- pegging, fingering, rimming, piv, angst, dubcon just to be safe

maybe i am as think as you drunk i am, actually - kinda fluffy, light scent kink, NO SMUT

you say 'blowing smoke' as if it's a bad thing - kissing (shocking, i know) smoking, NO SMUT

it's a bird, it's a plane, it's… zz top with a steel chair? PT2 - each chapter comes with its own tags so better check them yourself honestly

[kimbapisnotsushi]

here are some more miscellaneous post-ts headcanons but this time we're not going pro teams we're taking a walk on the side of your average working adult let's go!!

okay let's be real do we REALLY think lev is in charge of his own social media accounts bc i feel like that's a dumpster fire waiting to happen

i'm going to say yes because it's funny as hell

he tweets things like "lol i worked with [insert older veteran actor here] today i had no idea he was such an asshole" and gets frantic phone calls from the pr team like three seconds after posting

his instagram is also full of like. really blurry casual pics and just doesn't look professionally curated at all but the fans love him for it

i'm actually super curious as to whether he gets typecasted a lot and if so i'd love to know what it is

i want to say goofy comic relief side character?? so when he gets selected for a serious drama role nobody is expecting him to blow it out of the water but he does!!!!!!

also another thing lev does that gives his pr team a heart attack is when he posts anything vaguely related to his love life. which funnily enough are the only quality non-shitposts he does himself

like you've got the aesthetic silhouettes against a wall, the hands intertwined on a candlelit table, the vague tweets of "so lucky to wake up next to you. wish it would never end <3" and everyone's going WILD trying to figure out who it is

(and, well, nobody is going to notice shibayama yuuki liking the posts amidst all the other pro volleyball players who do, right?)

shirabu's got a rep in med school for having the worst fucking bedside manner of all time

well not really i think he's like. the kind where fellow/older colleagues and such judge him for it and they think that he could stand to be a LITTLE bit nicer but if he works with kids or whatever i bet the kids would actually really like him.

he's dry and straightforward and calm and takes them seriously and treats them like adults. the only thing he does to baby them is dumb down the medical jargon into an explanation they can actually understand

ugh shirabu actually makes me really soft for what an asshole he is

oh but if you're a bitch ass bastard for no reason he'll try to be as snarky as he can be without like. getting reported to hr or whatever

sorry i know this probably isn't how medical professionalism works irl once again i just think it'd be really funny

also can i just say that i think it's the funniest fucking thing that komi became an actor. like where the hell did THAT come from

i feel like he got thrust into doing a role for a class play during cultural festival season and got hooked on it probably? because literally when else would he have the time to get into/practice that kind of shit

that's probably a fun fact he drops during a magazine interview or something LMAAAAO

"yeah volleyball practice took up most of my time, and i never really thought about doing anything else. but then things changed in my third year of high school when i got cast for cinderella . . ."

speaking of fukurodani. yukie and kaori my beloveds

i skipped out on them during my managers post which i regret deeply and dearly so here they are!!

full disclaimer i don't know how sports promoters actually work i'm assuming they promote whatever sports games they are assigned instead of just sticking to one sport only? which means that whenever kaorie gets her hands on something that isn't volleyball she gets a dozen texts from bokuto moaning about betrayal and treason and all that

when kaori gets with someone she meets through work (so someone on a pro sports team) the rest of fukurodani are like "okay but he's a BASEBALL PLAYER" as if being a baseball player is the most atrocious thing a person could be

kaori's like "guys come ON i told him all of you were cool!" and everyone's like "now why in the world would you tell him that"

yukie has a decently popular cooking channel that is loved not for her yummy recipes or her aesthetic filming but because none of her kitchenware matches

she just collects whatever she likes + a bunch of shit that's been gifted to her and while it should make her kitchen look cluttered it's all just very cozy and lived-in

like. all her pots and pans are different colors and themes. no pair of chopsticks are the same. she has a ladle shaped like a dinosaur and a teapot glazed with magnolias on the side

her recipes DO slap tho she and osamu collab a lot

UGH i love them living nice fulfilling adult lives i wish that were me

[johnlocked1827384]

You know in Torchwood sleeper where the alien lady is like "your bedside manner is atrocious" to jack and then Gwen says "you should see his manners in bed there atrocious apparently so I've heard" Ianto says "they are" as if he's confirming this fact for Gwen which would imply that it wasn't Ianto who told her, so who was it? I feel like it was probably Owen because it would have to be someone who knew Jack and Gwen so it had to be one of the team and I don't think Tosh would be the sort of person to talk about Jack in bed if they ever slept together. Does this mean Owen and Jack were like friends with benefits because that would explain the whole rivalry between Owen and Ianto thing. Are there any fanfics like this?

[stuckinuniformdevelopment]

Teddy received a text from Mike not long after Bishop Percival published that last anonymous ask.

[text] Hey would you put killing Wendell and Glendale back on the table if I offered my help?

[text] Mike, I’m not killing people over delayed vision care and atrocious bedside manners.

[text] Especially not when I could get rid of them simply by reporting their absences and arrogance.

[the-sword-lesbian]

Unexpected Field Trip pt 2

“Alright take a deep breath and hold it,” I said, my hand firmly grasping the large, wooden stake protruding from the doctor’s pectoral. He did so and I continued, “I’m going to count to three and then I’ll pull this out, okay Doctor?” He gave me a nod of confirmation. “Alright then. One…” I yanked the stake from his chest quickly.

Dr Braithe released his held breath in a hacking cough, strained words interspersed between them. “Good lord Andrea,” a loud groan, “your bedside manner is atrocious.”

“Yes but it’s effective,” I said, preparing to remove the remaining stake.

“Alright,” he said. “Make sure to warn me before you pull the seCOND ONE!” He yelped in pain as the stake was pulled loose.

I tossed the wooden object aside before turning to face the door. “Mariella!” I shouted, “it’s safe for you and Rupert to come in now!” I turned back to face the doctor, “now, what of these other wounds?”

“Iron pellets,” he said, easing himself into a sitting position against the bannister post. “Some sort of explosive projectile weapon it seems.”

I gave the wounds a quick glance before looking him in the eye again, “I’m afraid that’s going to be beyond my ability to remove.”

He waved the notion away, “It’s alright, I have some forceps in my bag that should do the trick, Mariella can grab the bag for me.”

“Right then, I’ll go check on the other two girls.” I turned to leave and he grabbed my arm, turning back to face him, I saw a deeply haunted look on his face.

“Andrea,” he said, breathing heavily, “They’ve taken them.”

My heart dropped, “what…”

“Sophia and Coralline,” he replied. “Those soldiers who attacked us, they took my daughters.” A pained look crossed his face that I had to believe was due to more than just his wounds.

I turned to look back towards the door, Mariella was standing there cautiously, surveying the destruction while holding tightly to Rupert’s leg. A plan was forming in my head as ice began to flood into my veins.

I immediately set off down the hall towards my suite in the east wing. Throwing the doors to my chambers open I then went to my bed and pulled the large trunk with my hunting gear from under it, popping the latches and opening it. Looking over my equipment I had to prioritize what I could grab and what would need to stay. I didn’t have time to don my entire armor but my breastplate and bracers would do for now over my current clothes.

As I tightened the straps on my armor I heard the door behind me creak, “I’m coming with you,” came the strained voice of the good doctor.

“You most certainly are not Dr Braithe,” I said, turning to face him. “You have been thoroughly wounded and from the looks of it you can barely stand.”

“I have to,” he said, “my… my girls…”

“Doctor…” He looked me in the eye. “What you need to do is remain here and protect Mariella.” I pulled my crossbow from the trunk and gave it a once over.

“And what do you plan on doing with all of that?” He asked.

I grabbed my belt of ammunition and turned back towards the door, passing Dr Braithe. “Doctor, when you hired me it was on the basis of my claim that I could keep your daughters out of trouble.”

He hobbled to try and keep up with my hurried steps, “Andrea you and I both know that this is not what you meant.”

“Yes, but the fact remains the same,” I turned to face him as we returned to the foyer. “Sophia and Coralline are in trouble, and I intend to get them out of it.” I turned and headed towards the door. “Rupert, come,” I ordered as I passed the hound and he fell into step behind me. I made my way down the stairs to the Kingsguard carriage and pulled the door open. “In,” I said as I nodded towards the interior. He grumbled and climbed inside.

There was a small tug at my sleeve and I turned to see Mariella standing there. “Are you coming back?” She asked, worry in her eyes.

I smiled at her, hopefully reassuringly, “of course darling, and I expect to see you in bed before sunrise when I return young lady.” I slung my crossbow over my shoulder and climbed into the driver’s seat of the carriage.

Dr Braithe walked up and put his arm around his daughter, looking up at me as well, “I hate to state the obvious but you’re up against the full might of the crown you know.”

I gathered the reins up in my hands and turned to face the two of them. “I’ve never been a fan of kings personally,” I said as I cracked the reins and led the horses out the gate and down the road.

Parts [0], [1], 2, [3], [4]

[mayhemmaybe]

He died like he lived. Like a clown.

"Your bedside manner is atrocious."

[rastro-writes]

Rulie has an atrocious bedside manner. He’s the main healer, having a much more potent spell for major injuries, but he will help with minor ones too, and it’s the less lethal ones he hates, and he handles horribly.

He will actively poke tender spots if you refuse treatment. And he knows exactly where it’s tender. Every. Single. Time. He calls it a “strength check” and you only need to feel, or hear one to know to never test his patience again.

Wild, as the backup and minor healer, at least will let you suffer if you’re too stubborn, he has other people to help too, and he can just make a hearty meal, or slip a healing potion into your meal if it’s a mild bruising.

Hyrule never took the hypocratic oath. Neither did wild, but the way his healing works relies on his emotions so it’s kinda baked into the spell. Hyrule can just cast his spell while he’s muttering curses and vile at you right after he just made you scream because you tried to hide a tender arm because it’s actually fractured, you idiot.

Hyrule has no patience for hiding injuries. They have two healers, and too many close calls.