#& how he tries to break the cycle with them & for the most part he does

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

All my asoiaf OCs are running laps around my brain this morning. Guess I'm gonna be unwell about them 🤷🏻‍♀️

[revenantghost]

Man, I think the best and worst part of Knives’s character is just how compelling he is*

I get it. You get it. We all understand exactly how and why he is the way he is. So many people have put this idea into better words than I could. He witnessed an unspeakable horror at an incredibly young age. He knew he was different, that he was other, and a worry set deeply into his bones that humanity would reject him for being born who he is. 

And he was right. It was so much worse than he could have ever realized. He was born to be an object for humanity to use as they see fit. All he wanted was love and peace for himself and his brother. And after seeing that? What they did so mercilessly to Tesla? Who can blame him for not believing in any future with humanity in it. Who can imagine a future without unbelievable strife and prejudice when you’re outnumbered and are seen as an item to dissect and toy with as you see fit

And yet

And yet

In his fear, in his need to control and correct, the cycle continues. The abused becomes the abuser. He assaults his brother multiple times. He takes away Vash’s autonomy and manipulates his body without his consent. Hell he happily experiments with/tests and uses Vash’s body while unconscious. He says he loves Vash while refusing to hear a word coming out of his mouth. Because, if he has a moment of doubt, any hint of weakness, all of that anger slips away and he becomes that boy again--afraid and weak and alone

In his fear, he takes plants. He strips them of their independence and will, denying them their souls. Again, he uses the bodies of his siblings against their will. He displays their corpses to keep him angry instead of putting them to rest. He kills and breaks apart the body of his sister so that he doesn’t have to die, so that he can be reborn. He willfully denies the thoughts, dreams, and pains of his sisters and instead absorbs them, impregnates them, tries to kill them in the “right” way

In his fear, he drove humanity into hurting his kind more. He forced their hand into injuring and killing more plants than they’d ever dreamed of harming. He’s the one that put Vash into a constant position where he’s gaining mountains of scars. (His brother who, on the opposite end of the spectrum, has let the cycle of abuse continue while using himself as a shield instead of breaking free from the pattern.) He uses and discards the humans near him no matter the kindness and devotion they shows him

The same behavior Knives shows everybody and everything else

He’s awful. Absolutely sick and perverted and so stuck in his own mind that all he does is hurt and hurt and hurt

And yet

I get it. I’ve been traumatized to the point where all I want to do is cause pain in return. To feel that justice can exist and will come to pass, no matter the cost. To be so afraid that anger is the only safe emotion you can cling to. It’s what makes him one of the most compelling antagonists I’ve ever seen. Kudos to Nightow for fucking me up about Knives and his pain more by the day, honestly

*Except for ‘98 Knives lmao, that man is fabulously unhinged and overly dramatic about everything and I love him for it

[fairandfatalasfair]

I know people have posted about this before but it honestly it striking how much the boys do not default to violence as a way of solving problems. They're detectives in the classic sense - they're looking for clues and unravelling mysteries, and most of the time they can handle things with subtlety instead of force. It's not off the table, but it's very much an option of last resort.

The first time we meet them they're dealing with a ghost that is actively trying to kill them, and they're not fighting, they're running. While trying to figure out what happened so that they can go back in with a better strategy. Even when the cursed ghost catches up with them, Charles hits it exactly once, to get enough breathing space that they can get back to the office and get the resources they need to break the curse. Their plan with Becky was to slip in and out while Esther was distracted - they only ended up in a fight because hauling Edwin and Becky out of the magical void took longer than expected.

And as much as Charles comments in Ep. 3 about puzzle solving being "Edwin's way" and hitting things with a cricket bat being his, that absolutely goes for him as well. In the flashbacks where he confronts his friends, he pulls them off and puts himself between them and the kid they're beating up - he doesn't continue the fight once the victim is safe. In the Devlin house he's visible shaken and upset from the first round of the cycle, but it's not until they've witnessed the murder several times and Edwin's plan to break the loop has failed and he's confronting the possibility that there may not be another option that he tries to fight Devlin directly. Most of what he does with his cricket bat is pull it out and plant himself between Edwin and whatever he's decided is a threat.

I suspect that's part of why Edwin was so rattled by the first encounter with the Night Nurse - not because it was wrong or unjustified, but because it's not normal for Charles to hit first.

And these are not normal circumstances! Charles has been pushed pretty hard at this point, and has just been assaulted in a way that Edwin probably isn't fully cognizant of, and was acting urgently to stop the Night Nurse from doing the same thing to Edwin. I think his reaction was absolutely justified, and possibly necessary. And I think Edwin's response, whether it was intended that way or not, did read as condemnation - at least to Charles who is already beating himself up for not being able to protect the people he loves and doubting whether he's a safe, trustworthy person.

But I also think it's notable that the next time he deals with the Night Nurse - after he's processed some of his feelings of anger and helplessness, after he's been reassured that he's still the best person Edwin knows - he takes a different tack. She's still imminently threatening to split them up and send Edwin to hell, which is probably Charles' worst nightmare. But this time he turns to negotiation, to appealing to her sense of justice, to looking for a loophole that could let them stay together. He's back to trying to solve problems by working through them.

And in fairness, the fact that she came back after being eaten by Angie is also a pretty strong indication that trying to fight her wouldn't have worked. But I do think it says something about Charles' attitude to the world that despite describing himself as "the brawn" and thinking of himself as the fighter between him and Edwin, his reflex is still to problem solve first, to use force defensively and only when necessary. That yes, he's angry and justly so, but unlike his father, or the boys who killed him, he doesn't choose to turn that into an excuse to hurt people. That his use of force is judicious and careful and is always, always about preventing harm.

[thoughtfulchaos773]

A show about Self-hatred, Love, & Connection

TW: Self-hatred, Suicide also Sydcarmy warning for the antis

Carmy's self-hatred is a big part of his character and it's his biggest hurdle in getting past his trauma. His self-loathing becomes apparent in the first season, particularly in the episode "Hands," where he tolerates verbal abuse. This inner critic is rooted in familial and complex trauma, existing long before his experiences in NYC.

The Familial Pattern

Those experiencing self-hatred may or may not, be in a situation that requires them to be in contact with someone from their painful past, causing distress and a tendency to withdraw to avoid experiencing painful memories and emotions...

Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP

The Berzatto family has a history of self-loathing, with Donna's mental barriers and emotional and verbal abuse, not just from her but from extended family members, who made an impression on the Berzatto siblings.

The episode Fishes dives into Donna's inner critic that's similar to Carmy's, she says no one would care or miss her, we see the reasoning for self-hatred from the berating of Carmy, to Uncle Lee vehemently telling Mikey he's nothing, to the unforgiving nickname for Natalie, such abuse and extreme criticism is to the point that it becomes ingrained in their thoughts.

Mikey unfortunately succumbs to the pattern, but Natalie breaks the curse by attending Al-Anon meetings and loving those who instills confidence in her.

Her own actions in seeking comfort lessen the impact of Donna's self-loathing influences, as she asks for an embrace from Steven. I believe that this moment shows us how connection can help calm down our extreme inner critic.

Also Natalie's connection with Pete helps her own self compassion and feeling deserving of the good things in life. Pete tells her how great the restaurant is. He easily gives compliments to Carmy. This treatment is foreign to the Berzattos but is embraced by Natalie as she breaks the cycle.

Connecting to those who make you feel good is also foreigner to Carmy, he struggles with Pete's compliments and receiving it, he pushes those away from fear of the unknown territory of feeling good.

Feeling undeserving is one of the reasons he avoids emotional intimacy with Claire. Not only does she remind him of a past filled with ridicule from Richie and Mikey but he can't understand why someone could love him. If he could open up and allow intimacy, he would be on the path towards acceptance.

Solace in Sydney

Theres one significant moment of self-acceptance and that happens in 2x09. Carmy's character growth is clear as he chooses to listen to Sydney's words and affirmation instead of ignoring them.

I want to note that it frustrates me when people comment that Sydney's voice only contributed to Carm's work-life when his self-hatred shows up in his personal life.

From "Let It Rip" to "You Were the Most Excellent CDC," we take a look in Carmy's potential to overcome anxiety and self-loathing. The difference between "Let It Rip" is that Sydney's voice and his bond with her and it gives Carmy moments of feeling good about himself like Natalie feels with Pete. That moment of acceptance is a big step in his relationship with himself and Sydney's love for him serves as one of the remedies for his self-hatred.

I want to emphasize that Sydney can't fix Carmy, but her company, talents, and aspirations help him feel good and encourage self-compassion and confidence. Sometimes, loving someone helps you fall in love with yourself more, as long as this person also supports you in the same way.

To beat loneliness and self-loathing, Carmy needs to open his heart and contribute to filling his own cup, then he could receive love when someone pours into him.

But it's funny because he's already doing this with Sydney. He allows her love to wash over him, and even through mistakes, he tries to believe in her the way she believes in him.

Carmy will experience true love for himself and others when he moves forward and strives toward a genuine connection (forgiveness, compassion, etc.). When Carmy receives that love, he will finally feel deserving of something good happening in his life.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Are you requests open yet, right?

Can you make something with Fenrys, like, him and reader are mates, and they are trying to get a child for so long, and one day they discover that they are expecting.

(I really liked your writing, and very few people write about him, so I wanted to thank you for this 💕)

Had a blast writing this truly. Thank you for requesting and the kind words, I hope you'll enjoy it. 🤍✨

Little pup

At first, you didn't talk about it. You both were still young and for the most part, had wanted to explore the world together. Just you two. Try new things. See new places. Travel. Indulge in each other's company. And the mating frenzy hit you so hard that you didn't leave your house for over a month. And by then you were convinced that everyone passing by could smell the sex lingering all around.

And yet even in that month, it wasn't about getting pregnant. Fenrys was learning how to please you and you were doing the same. It was the desire to explore that drove you. To bring each other immense pleasure. Till the last breaking point. Till the moment all you could see was stars. Till furniture was breaking. But the thought of conceiving never crossed your mind.

But it's the first time your period is late and you're feeling so weird that Aelin had to drag you to the healer's level. It's the joyful smile on the woman's face when she says, "Oh you might as well be pregnant", that breaks this bubble of cold water over your head. "How exciting would that be? Babies are so rare and to have one ahh...", the healer beams as she ushers you to lay down. You reach for Aelin's hand almost instantly. The nerve suddenly so uneasy in your chest.

And then the healer's face drops and so does your heart. Sadness washes over you and it's like you had lost something you didn't even think you wanted five minutes ago. "You started your circle, darling", she says lowering your skirt down and you just want to crawl into yourself. "Ah, yes", you quickly move to get down the table. Glad your back is to the two women as you quickly wipe your tears. Suddenly feeling so frustrated. You feel Fenrys tugging on the bond yet that only makes your heart ache more so you push him out of your head quickly. Drowsing the bond in complete darkness.

Fenrys comes home way earlier than he should have been there. And you know it's because he would always drop anything for you. High stake leaders waiting for the meeting? Fuck them! His mate needs him so he's leaving and gods save the souls who try to stand in his way.

He knows by the silence that something had happened. Something that upset you. Ticked you over. Then Fenrys smells the blood. Gears turning before he realizes that your cycle had finally shown up but why the sense of sorrow then? This feeling of pain makes him rub his chest as he too tries to soothe the aching.

"My, love", Fenrys shrugs his cloak off carelessly, stepping closer to the bed. You're completely submerged by the furs all over your body. He makes a quick work of pushing them to the side until your wet cheeks come into sight and Fenry's heart drop even more. "Love", he breathes out in worry. But that only makes your tears well up more. A choked-out sob leaves your lips before you move to push away from your mate. That jabs Fenry's heart too.

"Love, if you don't tell me what's going on...", and then this shien of anger washes over you. Painting your cheeks in even more crimson shades. "Talk to you? Talk about what, huh?", you leap at him, fist coming in contact with Fenrys's strong chest.

But then you draw your hands back, looking at them with so much disgust. Fenrys steps in quickly taking your smaller palms into his. Your mind was too chaotic for him to read now. So he had to trust you to let him in on your own time. "What is going on...", you mutter, "You're overwhelmed and your body is full of hormones", even Fenrys frown at his own words but that's the truth in a way. The question still stands though. What caused all of this? "I thought I was...", you breathe through the sobs, "Thought we had...", and then it's full-on sobs, till your legs give out and Fenrys quickly wraps you up in his arms, rocking you from time to time.

There's no way to tell how long you've been crying by the time you're only sniffling. Eyes puffy and red, holding onto Fenrys for dear life. And he had run out of comforting words by then, opting for silence and love that he poured through the bond. You push away from him slightly. Knowing full well that you owe him an explanation. Because he too would have been a part of this if you had been pregnant. Your eyes well up with tears once more as you glance at him and Fenrys is ready to cradle you once more but you stop him. "I saw a healer this morning. She thought that I might...", you swallow the lump in your throat, shoulders sagging, "might be... pregnant". Fenrys's heart jumps up his throat. Suddenly he's almost hyper-aware of his surroundings. Threats. Smells. Sounds. But then nothing. And then just like before it all falls into place.

This. All of this was because you weren't. Because there wasn't a babe growing in your womb. No little Fenrys, or Y/N. And it's almost like another slap to his face because he only now realizes that you never really talked about it. Becoming parents. Growing your family. Being together and having one another was comforting enough. But seeing you like this. "I'm sorry...", you whisper and Fenrys draws his gaze back to you. "What for love? There's nothing to be sorry for", he brushes your loose hair away from your face.

"For not being pregnant", Fenrys frown at your words. And frowns so deep that his eyebrows nearly come together. "Now you take that back", his hands cup your face, "You take that back and never dare to apologize for something like this".

And you know that it comes from his heart because he loves you. Because no matter what you do he will always be there. "What if I can't?", you ask him, biting your lip, "Then we won't have any and that will be more than enough because we would have one another", he's quick to reassure you. And once more from the way his eyes are gleaming you know that he means it. "Come here", he mutters m, bringing you back into his arms, and wrapping it up in the comfort of his warmth. Drowning out the world around you.

All of this leads to a long conversation about children. One that you share late at night, both tangled between the sheets. Let the stars and the moon be the only witnesses of your wishes and dreams. And you both know that's so rare. And something that many couples don't even get close to. Fenrys knows how he and his brother Connall had come pretty late into their parent's lives. But then what a blessing it was to have two babies. Yet the time span was what scared him the most. Not because he was desperate. Don't get him wrong he wanted to see you pregnant. Know that it's his baby growing within you. But he could tell how fragile this topic made you. How you would shiver any time someone brought up the conversation of babies. How you would halt at the sight of younglings running around in the streets. How you forced a smile once Ellide got pregnant and you had brushed away your sad tears saying that it was only happy crying.

And it's only a handful of years later. Many disappointing visits to the healers later that you jolt up in the morning rushing to the bathroom. Fenrys is out of bed just as fast, darting after you and reaching to hold your hair out of your face as you emptied your stomach into the toilet. His hands rub comforting circles over your back. Your skin looks clammy and pale and it makes Fenrys sick to his stomach as well.

Because what if all the sorrows had finally eaten you from within in? What if he had missed something? Overlooked you not eating well, not sleeping enough. Your head drops to the side, and Fenrys quickly turns you over, reaching for the tap before flickering water over your face. If an illness claimed your life... if he would be left alone...it's a selfish thought but one that has been his number one fear ever since he saw you for the very first time.

"I'm fine", you groggily say and Fenrys only huffs, "Fine my ass, you're barely conscious". Those are harsher words than he wishes that thrown your way but he's so worried. So worried his own eyes are blurry. Then he moves up quickly, you tightly pressed to his chest. "Fen, I just need to lay down", but he doesn't listen as he throws the door open. Not caring that he's shirtless, or that you are only wearing one of his shirts. He rushes down the hallway, yet he's still mindful of not shaking you too much.

The healers haven't even finished their morning preparations when he storms in, eyes wild. The healer who had been tending to you for years now jumps up instantly. "I don't know what's happening", Fenrys admits as he lowers you onto the bed. The lady presses her palm onto your forehead before cradling your cheek. "Y/N, what's hurting?", she asks softly but you only shake your head. Her mouth falls into a tight frown and she orders a couple of other healers around, turning to Fenrys so he would tell her what happened.

"When was the last time you ate, girl?", she asks strictly, fingers running over your stomach. "Breakfast", you breathe out, "yesterday". Fenrys growls in frustration. He had returned home late last night, you had already been asleep and so he never even thought about the fact that he didn't ask anyone on his way up if you had been down to eat dinner. The healer shakes her head, "Silly, silly girl. Mirth, bring the lady some light breakfast and a tart", she says even though you turn to protest. "You're with child and this is all stunt you pulled here is because you didn't eat", every sound in the room dies down. Your eyes grow big and for a moment you're sure you just mistaken her words. Surely not... but it's the way Fenrys is looking at the healer with the same surprised eyes that makes you realize that he heard it too.

"Congratulations you two. A strong heartbeat", she carefully presses her palm to your shoulder. Knowing full well that once the information fully settled in Fenrys's brain anyone that would get near the slight swell in your lower stomach would be marked an enemy. The wolf closes the distance between you two. He doesn't yet trust his words so he just leans in pressing his forehead to yours. And now that it's been brought up you do smell slightly different. And the heartbeat. How did he miss the heartbeat? What kind of father will he be if he missed his child growing inside you?

"The best kind", you mutter, "the best kind of father", your hand cups his cheek, and the white wolf instantly nuzzles closer to you. He kisses the side of your head, brushing the tears from your cheeks. "Our baby", he mumbles, pressing his palm to your stomach, "Our little pup", you put your hand over his. And then Fenrys breaks into fits of giggles as he brings you closer into his arms. You too can't help the smile even if the dizziness still lingers. And you suddenly feel complete as if this was all that was missing. Now the picture would be complete. "A father, my beautiful mate will make me a father", he beams, brushing his lips against yours in a messy kiss, but the door swings open as the younger healer walks in with a trey. The laughter stops and Fenrys is snarling at the door, teeth out. Your hands push against his chest softly, "Darling, she means no harm", you reassure him yet his eyes don't leave the poor girl now shaking by the door. "Thought you seen him protective, girl? Welcome to the next stage", the older healer chuckles as she hands you the sweet bun.

[mcbride]

Daryl Dixon Rewatch S1E06 - Coming Home

it's the first ep with an English title and the last of the season. overall, i wanna say i was actually surprised how much i did enjoy watching. the complete focus on Daryl without all the background noise/storylines/characters, the way he still means what he says, but he's actually using his words and lots of sass instead of the typical nodding and grunting. good job!

but i gotta confess that if i hadn't known beforehand that Carol was going to be a part of this show, i probably wouldn't have bothered 🤷‍♀️. the fact Carol's not only back on screen, but she is such a great part of the whole vibe of the show, was actually unexpected. this show is straight up showing us Carol is the driving force in Daryl's relentless journey to get back home.

whoever tries to convince you Daryl is conflicted about where he belongs and where he wants to be is lying to you (pointing at you, Z!!). he literally spends 6 whole episodes reminding everybody he's got a home, people who love him waiting, a promise to keep, and a need to get back asap.

it doesn't mean Daryl does not form connections while on that journey. because he does - the strongest with Laurent, obviously, however, none strong enough to hold him back from his ultimate goal, which is going home to keep his promise to CAROL!

anyways, let's get to the season 1 finale:

the super!walkers fighting scene in the arena is pretty epic: from Daryl's super cool kill with the French flag to that Daryl/Quinn team up! the cherry on top being Daryl throwing that walker head at Genet. Loved IT!

Quinn eventually does help Daryl escape, and later, unfortunately, almost kills Isa, who is once again totally helpless against any kind of threat (killer nun, my ass!). in a scene eerie similar to the one in Daryl's underwater premonition a couple of eps ago, Daryl prompts Laurent to kill walker!Quinn with a "God will forgive you."

Laurent says something that sounds like it will be the whole point of Caryl's French adventure. "Sometimes you have to do horrible things, and no matter how bad you feel, if there is no other choice, God will forgive you." this feels like the key to breaking out of the cycle Carol has been stuck to since she was banished by Rick. (i'll probably post my s2 spec and theories next week!)

next, we see Daryl watching lovebirds Sylvie and Emile saying goodbye, they have to separate (i see what you did there, Z!), and reassures Sylvie that Emile will be alright before she asks him if he's ever been in love. BOY, has he ever!! Daryl's non response is quite telling. he knows what it feels like to say goodbye to the one you love without knowing if you'll ever see them again. and he's not alright, he's all the way in a whole different continent, separated by the Atlantic ffs.

we get some new insight into Daryl's origins when he and Isa share stories about their fathers. Daryl believes that his grandpa never returning home from war ruined their family for future generations and worries the cycle might repeat itself. has Daryl been reading about generational trauma? sharing this with her will bite him in the ass, later!

Isa's confession of her lie about the drawing gets absolutely no reaction from Daryl because it had zero influence on what happened next. Daryl didn't stay cause he believed in a new Messiah, he stayed because the kid was about to get in trouble, when Codron attacked his home; he stayed because it was a way of finding help getting him closer to a radio or boat to actually get him home; he stayed so he could take the kid to a place where he would be safe, and Daryl could finally leave without feeling guilty.

the great Daryl and Isa exchange looks compilation is trying too hard to show us, yes, Daryl has made a connection to these people, and is fairly content at the Nest with Laurent and the most mundane activities like peeling potatoes. they are showing us Daryl could stay here, make this his new home. why not? HE MADE A PROMISE! no matter what he could never be happy here, this is not his HOME.

Losang gives him a way out, but also tries to convince him to stay. "Sometimes, when a person leaves home, he comes to find he belongs someplace else." and it's true, if Daryl didn't know where, with whom he belonged. and it's not with Laurent and Isa.

it's really embarrassing how Isa tries to manipulate and guilt trip Daryl into staying with them using Laurent and Daryl's history. it has been like 2 months tops, and they acting like Daryl himself gave birth to Laurent, and wants to abandon his kid. bitch please, he has kids he actually raised and a wife back home!!

Daryl resents his grandpa for abandoning the family to fight in someone else’s war, and that's exactly what he would be doing if he chose to stay in France. that's what Isa will never understand - he had a whole full life with people who looked up to him, relied on him, loved him, before he even met her and Laurent. he wasn't lost. the connection he found with the people there isn't new to him, he has Judith and RJ, he has Connie and Zeke. but most importantly, he has a HOME (Carol!!!).

there's this beautiful emotional moment of Daryl quietly saying goodbye to a sleeping Laurent, and it's clear this kid means a lot to him. however, not nearly enough to make him stay. he still chooses to LEAVE. so many people trying to convince him he belongs with them, and he is still 10000000% sure he has to go back. there truly is ZERO hesitation.

i lost count how many times Daryl actually tried to leave, but it was always the kid's safety that kept him around again and again. he is so close to getting on that boat, literally fiercely fighting walkers to get to the beach, to get closer to HOME, and the same happens AGAIN. biggest FML moment for Daryl. Laurent, who is surrounded by walkers, is calling his name! FUCK ME!

and finally, we get to the highlight of this finale, Carol's badass entry. the way she's so absolutely calm with a big dude pointing a gun at her, PLEASE. she knows he's fucked around and is about to find out. no one takes Daryl's belongings and gets away with it.

"if you're lying, i won't be back." and she rides off on Daryl's bike. ICONIC. LEGENDARY. EPIC.

21 days left until the premiere of THE BOOK OF CAROL!!!!!

[angelstate]

FWB!Soap x InloveFem!Reader.

+18 content warning

FWB!Soap who claims to not feel romantic feelings for you, saying that he sees you as a friend and values your friendship too much to try and have a serious relationship with you. It's meaningless sex at the end of the day (at least to him), just using each other to not spend the night alone.

FWB!Soap spends most of his paid leave in your bedroom, secluded from the friends he claims to have apart from you, fucking you in every position he can manhandle your body into, your legs over his shoulder, pulling you by your arms so you don’t fall in while he fucks you standing doggy.

FWB!Soap really likes to spend his free time with his cock buried in one of your three holes, making you sob from pleasure and pain while he gets off by the way tears run down your eyes, overstimulated and spent yet still letting him do whatever he wants with you, a true sweetheart you are.

FWB!Soap who would rather kill every man that tries to court you than find another person to fuck while not being in a serious relationship, he values you too much to let another man have you (but he doesn’t love you, right?) so it’s a back and forth between talking you into not going on dates, threatening guys who approach you when you are out with him and as a last resort, talking shit about you behind your back to them when you invite them to your shared apartment. warning them about how crazy you get when you enter a relationship (you are a fucking angel, soap knows that but he doesn’t want other guys to know)

FWB!Soap who thinks he is the only one allowed to fuck other people, going out to clubs and fucking girls in a dark alleyway, (he would never bring them to your apartment) the smells of a woman’s perfume lingering on his shirt and the hickeys on his neck a clear evidence that he went and fuck someone who isn’t you. it hurts when he does it, he knows how much it breaks your heart, he has listened to you sob at night more times than he can count every time he has returned with hickeys and lipstick stains.

FWB!Soap who after he hears you crying because of him tries to cheer you up, buying you gifts of your special interest or hobbies. inviting you to eat dinner at the fancy restaurant you don’t go to often because of the high prices. and he treats you wonderfully, princess treatment to its max extent, doing everything he can to soothe the ache in your heart from knowing he fucks other girls even though you’re not a couple.

FWB!Soap who is aware of the vicious cycle he trapped himself in, fucking you for days straight, going out and fucking another girl, listening to you cry when you see the hickeys, and doing everything he can to make you feel better, hating how much he hurts you without meaning to before repeating it all again.

FWB!Soap gets undeniably scared at times, fearing you will get tired of him and his actions. he knows what he is doing is wrong but is so fucking hard for him to be in a committed relationship being constantly deployed to different countries. he tried it once and it didn’t work out, so why try again? He has you after all, and being friends with benefits fills his basic needs for the most part.

FWB!Soap is so painfully oblivious to the signals he and you give. Of course, he holds your hand when you're out in public because you get lost easily, walks closer to the street because is safer for you, stands behind you so creeps don’t look at your ass, kisses your forehead every once in a while when he’s talking to someone so you know he isn’t ignoring you.

FWB!Soap does the absolute max to be a good “friend” to you and make you feel loved since being friends with benefits with him makes it impossible for you to get a boyfriend. he knows he’s compensating you for the pain he causes you, and trust him, he does love you but he doesn’t love you. (that’s what he tells himself)

FWB!Soap who after speaking to Ghost and feels nothing short of a piece of shit for the dynamic of your situationship. “you’re going to lose her, Johnny” Simon oh so generously said to him after hearing Soap rant for almost 20 minutes about how he had taken you out to eat because he felt guilty for making you cry once again. (he is a piece of shit to the core)

FWB!Soap comes home after being deployed for almost three weeks only to see a man in your apartment, sitting on the couch like he owns the place while you come out for the kitchen with a bowl full of popcorn, surprised to see Soap standing at the door, not expecting he would be back so soon but happy regardless of his arrival.

“Johnny!” you high pitch squeal fills his ears and he feels hot from anger and joy, he lets you jump on his arms, hugging him the best you can with the height difference, his gear still on, a gun tucked on his belt holster while he hugs you back, staring darkly at the guy on the couch he is already planning how to kill. “hi bonnie” he answers a few seconds later, pulling away from the hug, his hands on your hips so you can’t move away, claiming possession of you to the man sitting not even 10 feet away from him.

He knows he shouldn’t be selfish and let you move on from him, but he is a new man after speaking to Ghost. He swears by it. He knows he loves you, he knows he wants a future with you so why don’t you wait for him just a little bit longer, why jump at the first opportunity you had to find another man? He had never brought any woman home, so why did you bring someone? you’re not playing fair, at least not by the game he put you in forcefully.

And he feels murderous, truly psychotic but doesn’t act on it, no. He would never subject you to that side of him, instead he decided to play just as dirty as you had done. “Why don’t you tell me who's your friend, Bonnie, aye?” he asks, manhandling you softly so you turn around to face the man on the couch who is awfully quiet. Soap guides you, making you walk forward, his hands not leaving your hips.

“he’s Matt, he’s one of my brother's friends” Your sweet voice rings he’s ears and for a moment he thinks that maybe this isn’t a date then, that maybe your brother’s friend just decided to visit you but Soap isn’t that fucking dumb, not when it comes to see the intentions guys have with you. “Matt, this is Johnny my…friend” you add a few seconds later, hesitating on what to call Soap, because sure, you are friends, but you also fuck, cuddle and go out on dates that neither of you ever actually called dates but the implication is there, all that is lacking is the title soap refuses to give to everything he does with you and to you.

you rather not be here in this situation, knowing how soap can get when you meet up with friends he doesn’t know about, and he wasn't even meant to come home today, not even this week and you had questions as to why he had returned so early but it wasn’t the right moment to ask, not with how fucking serious soap sounded (he is never serious around you)

“figured that one out quickly, love” Matt responds, a chuckle leaving his lips even though to Soap nothing was fucking funny right now, quite the opposite but he decides to play along with the clear joke of a man you let into your home. he does want to ripe his throat off because he called you Love and he might as well just do it (when you aren’t present of course.)

Soap sets one of his hands on his gun, moving to stand beside you so the guy can see he’s armed and isn’t afraid to kill him, he had his hands stained with people’s blood, what’s another life to take, everything for you, anything for you. defending an ownership of you he didn’t have.

“don’t mean to kick ya out mate but I rather you go, need to talk to my girl, aye?” Soap says, trying to be polite but he doesn’t give a shit if it comes out as him kicking Matt out, he is kicking him out after all, just with much kinder words for your well-being, not because he respects or wants to be him to the piece of shit on your couch.

And you caught onto Soap truly meant quickly, but it’s all overpowered by the fact he called you his girl, his fucking girl. and you know that with him you shouldn’t get your hopes high no matter how much he sweet talks you and calls you his, he’s done it before and not held up to the name he gave you.

FWB!Soap is a complicated mess when it comes to feelings and showing you how much he loves you because he truly doesn’t do well in relationships and doesn't want to break your heart. God knows how much he hates to see you hurting because of him. But maybe tonight he can’t stop caring for a few hours, just enough time to get rid of that stupid friend of yours and make sure he doesn’t ever appear in your life again, you don’t want a guy like him around, one who doesn’t respect Soap as your lover even though he isn’t.

FWB!Soap really hates breaking your heart, but he acts upon what’s best for you and your tears are a price worth paying so you can live your best life. The death of Matt shouldn’t come as a shock to you, but it does. Because although you know what Soap is capable of, you don’t expect him to just kill someone because they were interested in you and didn't shy away from trying and taking you away from him.

FWB!Soap who realizes that it’s time to make you his, because even though he doesn’t mind killing people to make you his, still is a fucking difficult job to find ways to dispose of the bodies without leaving evidence of his doing.

Boyfriend!Soap who ends up killing a few more people once he already made you his girlfriend but gladly does so when men come too close to you and are too bold and actually threaten your relationship with Soap. Maybe he should move you to a small city in Scotland, marry you, and give you a kid so you’re too busy being devoted to your family to ever notice how there are better men than Soap interested in you.

[pavelkaramazov]

I sort of used to think that the reason there’s no redemption for Smerdyakov’s character is, in part, due to the structural narrative of the novel and the setting— but that doesn’t entirely track on its own, given the themes presented in Crime and Punishment, considering Rodya’s crime is much worse and C&P is ALL about his redemption.

I think the real reason Smerdyakov gets no redemption is the Zhutchka thing.

It is passionately argued and established that Fyodor was no father, and so to murder him was no murder. If that applies to Mitya, then that applies to Smerdyakov even moreso, as Fyodor was, in the most literal sense, never a father to him, and failed him worse than he failed any of his children.

So that cannot be the thing that makes Smerdyakov irredeemable, or the reason he has to die.

We know about the cats, obviously. But that was only ever mentioned in passing, as something he did in childhood. I think that the fact that he has carried that pathology on into adult life is supposed to be received as a significant revelation, and it should be really shocking. It is really shocking. It’s just really fucking horrible to imagine. That whole encounter is shrouded in mystery, and we don’t really get any answers about it, like how these two met or why, or any context other than the fact that Ilusha is, now on his deathbed, completely fucking devastated.

It just sort of implies again that we’re only getting the tip of the iceberg in terms of Smerdyakov’s fucked up pathology. He has an even darker personality than we’ve previously been led to believe.

Y’all KNOW how much I love him, but I agree that if he does anything irredeemable it is that. And I agree that that is irredeemable. His childhood was not his fault, it fucked him up permanently and left him with absolutely no recourse as an adult. I still love him and I don’t even necessarily judge him, even for this, because… how can you?

It may be easy to pass judgment but the reality is that we’re talking about someone so abjectly abused and exploited that that’s not really relevant or appropriate, in my opinion.

Smerdyakov stood absolutely no chance at growing up into a normal, appropriately adjusted adult. The ONE most important thing that might help someone who comes from that kind of background break that cycle of abuse in adulthood is to be met with kindness and compassion. Smerdyakov’s childhood abuse made him weird and disgusting, and now he is shunned for being weird and disgusting.

It’s significant, that Smerdyakov’s one irredeemable act is what he does to Ilusha.

I think it’s also significant that Mitya shares this culpability in Ilusha’s suffering, (the “wisp of tow” incident), the same way he shares culpability with Smerdyakov in Fyodor’s murder, when he is tried and convicted despite his innocence.

Alyosha interferes in Ilusha’s violent outbursts while he is still a child, and meets him with love and compassion, and therefore Ilusha is saved. Not from death, but his soul is saved, in the most Christian, Dostoevskian sense.

Remember, Alyosha, disciple of Zossima, who preached about praying for the suicides, “being the servant of my servant”, and spoke of Joseph being sold into slavery by his own brothers on his deathbed.

Smerdyakov never received that kind of intervention from anyone, not in childhood, and now that he’s an adult, whatever compassion anyone might have once had for him is well past. And so it’s too late for him. But it’s not too late for Ilusha.

This is the great blind spot in Ivan’s ideology, is that he fails to see that these abused children grow up into adults, and frequently grow up into adults who often perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

The Brothers Karamazov is, fundamentally, a novel about children.

I’m reminded of Matthew 18:6: “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”

And, well, we all know how Smerdyakov died.

[lizzieraindrops]

Destiny is a story about shapes and grief.

I think I may have figured out Destiny. I don't think the primary conflict between the Light and the Darkness is the philosophical issue we thought it was.

I got thinking about it after all this talking, with many others but especially @jazzhandsmcleg, about the way all of The Witch Queen DLC and its 4 seasons have had overarching narratives surrounding trauma and cycles of violence and grief, and the way the Darkness and the Light are characterized by their different approaches to it.

In TWQ, Savathûn is given a true second chance for her species in the Light. But as Ikora points out, she struggles to break free of the learned patterns of the Darkness, continuing the pattern of deception and violence.

Same with Season of the Risen - it’s the Warlords and Dark Ages all over again, but this time it’s the Hive. It forces once again to ask: what does it mean to be given a second chance if this is what you do with it? Temper this with Saladin’s story about the girl from the Dark Ages who he protected, but who became a cruel mortal Warlord in her own right. Crow objects to the mental torture of the Hive Lightbearers and he tries to break from the cycle of interspecies violence, but unintentionally ends up continuing it by killing the Psion and heightening tensions between humans and the Uluran.

Season of the Haunted!!! Literally, the entire thing is about confronting your traumas and greatest fears and the worst parts about yourself and beginning to heal them, making something better from them. Completely changing the game by turning Nightmares that torment into Memories that guide you. Crow with the memory of Uldren, Zavala with that of Safiyah, Caiatl that of Ghaul - and most importantly, resolution focuses on how they, specifically have been held back from healing by their self-incriminating Nightmares. It challenges the cycle of continuing violence on a very personal level. Eris even has patrol dialogue describing the a Nightmare as a thing of pain craving only more pain: "Such is the cycle."

Season of Plunder brings up the very same questions on a much higher organizational level. It gives us Eido and Eramis taking very different jaded vs. new-hope approaches to the legacy of the Whirlwind, asking: can we change? Are we defined by generational trauma forever? Can we continue to grow and change for the better even though it can never be undone? Though Eido is clearly young and naïve, we're clearly given the opportunity and narrative nudge to sympathize with her desire and hope for growth and redemption, both for the Eliksni overall, and for Eramis in particular.

And we're not even done with Season of the Seraph, but it already goes incredibly hard asking the same questions, again from a more personal angle. How far, and through how many generations is trauma transmitted? From the Bray family to Rasputin, to Felwinter to Osiris to Ikora – how do we fix this? How do we fix this? How do you defeat an enemy who IS war itself? What can you do to end an endless cosmic cycle of violence?

Go back and back and back in Destiny's lore even back to D1, and the majority of conflicts seem driven by this cycle of grief and revenge and violence. The entire line of humanity's war with the Hive goes back through Oryx's grief for Crota and the First Crota Fireteam and Eriana-3's grief for her wife Wei Ning. Even the Hive siblings' pact with the Worm Gods, though manipulated by Rhulk, was driven by the pain and grief they endured for themselves and their people, and wanting to escape that cruel pattern. The entire predicament of the Eliksni and their conflict with humans is driven by the trauma and grief and loss of the Whirlwind. Even Caiatl's empire, a conquering force that would be highly regarded by the sword logic, now must reckon with the same kind of loss in the Fall of Torobatl.

How do you escape this cycle and stay free of it?

I think, this year, we are finally seeing the beginnings of an answer.

I can't highly enough recommend the TWQ Collector's Edition lorebook (page scans & transcript) and The Hidden Dossier (page scans & transcript) that immediately follows it. What I've been calling Ikora's theory of "memory and grace" that she develops through the course of these two lore books is a balanced philosophy of memory/Darkness and grace/Light (which honestly deserves an entire post of its own). I think it clearly points toward the final resolution the story of the conflict between the Darkness and the Light.

In light of this, something in the Calus part of the new Lightfall CE lorebook (images, transcript) really jumped out at me.

“The doomed and the damned left the record of their downfall in the OXA. Your star got its name from the oldest myths in that archive. And when your mother told your father that story…the star became your name. A prayer that all will go as it must…and the way it must go is struggle.” “Aiat.” Not a word in Ulurant or any other Cabal tongue. “But Caiatl means something else..” “Yes. ‘It may not always go as it needs to go.’ A good name for a soldier." "A strange name for a daughter," I say. "Your father chose it for your mother's sake. Out of love."

And because the parallel is so overwhelmingly striking, I am once again going to reference philosophy/worldbuilding from the Young Wizards universe, which has great resonance with Destiny lore and which Bungie has been long aware of and has even been referenced in Forsaken-era canon lore.

“all the fair things skewed, all the beauty twisted by the dark Lone Power watching on his steed. If only there were some way he could be otherwise if he wanted to! For here was his name, a long splendid flow of syllables in the Speech, wild and courageous in its own way—and it said that he had not always been so hostile; that he got tired sometimes of being wicked, but his pride and his fear of being ridiculed would never let him stop. Never, forever, said the symbol at the very end of his name, the closed circle that binds spells into an unbreakable cycle and indicates lives bound the same way.” [...] “Nita bent quickly over the Book and, with the pen, in lines of light, drew from that final circle an arrow pointing upward, the way out, the symbol that said change could happen—if, only if—and together they finished the Starsnuffer’s name in the Speech, said the new last syllable, made it real.” Excerpt From: Diane Duane. “So You Want to Be a Wizard, New Millennium Edition.”

CAIATL’S NAME IS LITERALLY THE UP-AND-OUT SYMBOL.

I know I'm probably only talking to the handful of Destiny players from the (very small) Young Wizards fandom, but what you need to know is that this moment is pivotal and sets up the series-long theme of hope for an eventual exit from the cycle. It's the incredibly small, overwhelmingly improbable possibility of a second chance, a new start for the Lone Power, the source of all strife and suffering, who itself is driven by loss and pain. A concept of extended grace that is inherently tied to the philosophy of the Light.

“Billions of years, it took. All the redemptions there have ever been went toward this; from the greatest to the least. And finally in the fullness of time you came along, and took my role, of your own will, and woke up a race powerful enough to change the whole Universe, and gave them the fire.” She glanced up at the mobiles and smiled. “How could he resist such a bait? He took the gamble: he always does. And losing, he won.” [...] “The Defender reached down and put a hand into the shadow. “And we are going where such matters are transcended… where all his old pains will shift. Not forgotten, but transformed. Life in this universe will never have such a friend. And as for His inventions… look closely at Death, and see what it can become.” The long, prone darkness began to burn, from inside, the way a mountain seems to do with sunset. “Brother,” the Defender said. “Come on. They’re waiting.” Excerpt From: Diane Duane. “High Wizardry New Millennium Edition.”

This is the devil’s second chance, its homecoming. Grace among the memory. How do we heal this? By fixing it. By making and TAKING that opportunity of grace.

Likewise, Destiny is shaping up into its own universe’s story of this Reconfiguration, the remaking of everything that exists through the act of a second chance, both offered and taken, with full awareness of the irreversibility of harm already caused.

Destiny isn’t the story of the light and the darkness fighting each other. That happens, but that’s not what it’s ABOUT.

It’s “And I know exactly what we are. We’re best frenemies with a history of intense mutual hurt and messy reconciliation, leaving a deep tenderness as well as an almost impenetrable knot of scars. What could be simpler?” (Chalco)

It's “For so long, I believed peace was beyond my reach. No more. I have found it in guiding others down the same path that saved me. But… I might allow myself to want more than peace. What, I am not certain. Is joy the word? Might I find that again?” (Eris)

It's “Second chances… hm. Turns out I've been using mine wrong. I thought being a Guardian was my destiny. That wielding the Light for good was the most I had to offer. But it's clear now. This is what the Traveler chose me for. I was reforged in the Light for a purpose. To remake something dead and gone… into something beautiful. To learn how to forge something new from what we were. Everything Uldren did to the Reef, the Scorn… Fikrul. I have a responsibility — no — a calling to make them whole. And… I can't replace Cayde. But I can cover his old patrols — maybe organize the Hunters a bit, if they'll let me. Clean up some of my mess. I don't know if I can fix everything Uldren left broken… but I can try.” (Crow)

We aren’t defeating the Darkness. That’s never what it’s been about. It’s about breaking the cycle of trauma and grief with memory and grace. We're transcending the Final Shape, but we're not here to destroy it or become it. We’re harmonizing the Darkness and the Light into a sustainable balance to create something new from the wounded remains.

We're here to heal the broken relationship between the Winnower and the Gardener.

That's all that it is, in the end. They had a falling out, and now they hurt, and they hurt each other, and everything else, forever. Breaking free from that cycle begins and ends with them.

Is that fair? No, it's not.

But Destiny is – unhingedly, brilliantly, paradoxically – a FPS game about how to stop killing each other, growing ever more into a framework of restorative and reparative justice.

The story says, we are all culpable, we have all done awful shit and have endless potential to do more awful shit – AND, most critically, we all have the potential to do better (grace). AND, the act of making the conscious choice to do so and letting that happen is the only way for things to get better (memory).

The Collapse happened and it was horrible, the Red War happened and it was horrible, the Great Disaster happened and it was horrible, Twilight Gap happened and it was horrible...AND?? HOW ARE YOU GOING TO RESPOND? The Whirlwind happened and it was horrible! The Fall of Torobatl happened and it was horrible! Your species' Choice was stolen and you became the most prolifically violent killers in the universe and it was and is horrible! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

Are you going to make it more horrible? Or are you going to make it BETTER????

Are you going to fight for the Final Shape, or for the gentle kingdom ringed in spears?

[arcadiabaytornado]

Hi! Happy Friday October 11 lol.

I’ve been hearing some people calling max and Chloe’s relationship codependent, and although I get the vibes, I was wondering if you could give some more in depth insight and explanations if you haven’t already/if you’re interested?

I am SO interested in talking about this! I love Pricefield, but easily the most unhealthy part of their relationship is the codependency they display.

Max will destroy herself for Chloe. I know that sounds like hyperbole.. but when you take lines like "I don't care what happens me. I have to make sure Chloe's safe." into account...it's not. And we see that it's not during the multiple times Max puts herself in danger on Chloe's behalf.

Just off the top of my head, Max: A: Tries to ambush Nathan during the Vortex Club party so Chloe can get her revenge, despite the fact that Max knows how dangerous he is. B: Confronts Frank at his RV to try and get information Chloe wants. C: Follows a weird text to the junkyard to try and protect the remains of someone Chloe cares about...which gets her kidnapped by Mark Jefferson. D: Drives through a dangerous storm to get to the diner so she can have the photo that will bring her back to Chloe.

There are more examples than the ones I listed above, but those are the four that first four that came to my head.

But it's not just herself Max will destroy for Chloe. She'll destroy the entire town. Which...LOOK. I always sacrifice Arcadia Bay. To ME that is the canon ending. HOWEVER...Max does bring a wave of death and destructive over a town to save the life of one person.

More Undercut

It's more complicated than that, of course. LIS is a game that asks the question "How far would you go for someone you love" and then waits for the player to answer. But like...at it's least nuanced core...the sacrifice Arcadia Bay ending is Max choosing mass destruction over letting Chloe go. Which does say something about their relationship that pairs uneasily with the fact that Max would also chose Chloe over herself.

Then we have Chloe. Chloe doesn't have time travel powers so she can't be quite as destructive as Max can...but she gives it a good effort. When Max leaves for five years without a word, Chloe spirals and becomes reckless and borderline suicidal. This is also because of the loss of her Father, but it's clear that Max's absence did a good amount of damage on it's own.

Chloe doesn't let Max go once in five years. She keeps photo's and memento's from their childhood strewn about her room, and when Max comes back, she becomes somewhat possessive over her presence. (EX: When she gets upset that Max answered Kate's phone call. And texting Warren to tell him that Max is off the table if they kiss.)

Chloe becomes just as dependent on Max as Max becomes on Chloe, which puts them in this cycle of dependency that lasts all the way until the end of episode 5. Where, ironically, Max saving Chloe and their relationship continues their pattern of codependency, while sacrificing Chloe breaks it in the most painful way possible.

So what does that mean for Pricefield if their relationship is codependent? Does it make their relationship unhealthy? Well...in my opinion as someone who loves Pricefield...I do think their relationship is unhealthy in a certain way. They're willing put each other before the world and before themselves....which is romantic on paper but when you really start digging into that it becomes not great.

However, I would also argue that their codependency is what makes their relationship so interesting to watch. After all, would it really be as compelling if Max just shrugged her shoulders and let Chloe go without a fight? Because I don't think it would be.

And I think that's really the entire point. Max and Chloe are two people willing to defy time and fate just to be together, and that makes them compelling. It also makes them destructive. But that destruction IS the intrigue.

[viceconnor21]

Soul Keeper Aka Mumza (Kristin)

Minecraft x My Little Pony AU

Personality traits (short version):

Goddess of Death

Guides souls to the correct afterlife

physical form stuck in the dimension between life and death (the void/her kingdom)

wants to help the souls stuck in limbo, trapped in prisons of their minds where even she can't reach them but is not always successful, as the souls can only help themselves

motherly love for all living things

related to the Goddesses of the sun, moon, and sun.

ancient being

bat pony

time is relative (no day and night cycle)

Loving husband visits her in his dreams

She likes to make him tea

giant lady

when seen in the overworld, it is only part of her consciousness

fell in love with Crow for his kind heart

Husband- Crow Keeper Youngest son/only bio child- Tripwire Middle son- Day Shaker oldest son- Note Weaver/ Final Sonata Frienemy- Anarchy Reign (the God of War)

Backstory: Soul loved her job. How could she not, being a Goddess did have certain advantages. Though she did miss the sun and does get lonely from time to time. Unlike her cousins, the Goddesses of the Sun and the Moon, she could not spend her time in the mortal realm, instead stuck in the place between life and death. Not the overworld nor the netherworld. And still, the purple light of the Kingdom of Limbo still brought her down some days. Today especially, she could not get the wailing of the lost souls out of her skull. It wasn’t like there were thousands of lost souls in limbo. She wouldn’t be a good Death Goddess if there was. But sometimes she was unable to reach a soul after death. It was rare but for unknown reasons, sometimes no matter what she tried the soul was trapped, isolated in that unbreakable prison. Truly a fate worse than death. Other times, no matter how long she followed the cries, she could never find them. And well, creatures were always dying and it was her job to lead them through limbo. She was just glad she was not one of the ones who judged souls. That was too much pressure. In her eyes, a life a life, and a soul a soul. However, she still played the most important role in the afterlife. Just getting some souls through limbo could be a struggle. There were plenty of creatures and demons that would love to snack on an unprotected soul. And she took pride in her job. However, the business of death was not always pure and wholesome, and “circle of life” crap. It could be hard on her motherly heart. On days like this, after her shift of guiding the souls to their respective afterlives, she just needed a break. She trotted down to the banks of the Styx. The inky black water shimmered and reflected the purple and green light of the large luminous gems and crystals growing out of the ground and from the cliffs. Soul Keeper was grateful that a portion of the Styx’s warm waters ran through her territory. She specially built her castle on this cliffside so it was only a short walk to a cozy blend in the river. She waded into the water, and let the water ease the tension in her shoulders. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Yes, her job could be difficult but tonight in only a couple of hours she had a date with her husband. While he was in the mortal realm, under the right conditions, he could visit her realm in his sleep. Tonight is one of those nights. Even better still, it was their anniversary and She could not wait to see his smiling face.

Soul Keeper is the six-winged Alicorn Goddess of Death. She guides the souls of the dead from the living plane to their final rest in the underworld. She is a caring being that does what she can to make the transition for the spirit easier. He also protects the spirit against harm in limbo. Legends tell of a ghostly vision that can be seen after a deadly battle or disaster of a terrifying yet motherly specter dressed in purple and gold.

Many mortal creatures know of the tender being that guides you to the afterlife but don’t actually know who she is. That is all except the hippogriff, Crow Keeper, who is in fact married to the Goddess.

Crow and Soul do not exist in the same realm. Crow can see and speak to his love only in his dreams or sometimes in a meditative state. She can send messages to him through the birds that follow Crow Keeper around. When Crow married his wife he became immortal to the point where he does not age and illness can’t seek him. However, Crow can still die by accident or injury. When he does, Soul Keeper will finally embrace him and they will rule limbo together.

In addition, in her truest form, she is a giant goddess with immense power, however, she usually appears to souls only slightly larger on average. She likes to take on the role of maternal figure to the lonely. When not guiding new souls through limbo, she spends her time searching for lost souls in her kingdom. Sometimes she is successful and can free them from their personal hellscape to bring them to the proper afterlife. Souls that become unreachable by the goddess usually experience a traumatizing action upon death or through dark actions in life that corrupts the spirit. The soul can sometimes recover while others do not. Soul Keeper weeps for those she cannot save.

Soul Keeper thinks it is funny that no creature believes her husband about her existence. Crow Keeper is constantly trying to find a way for Soul to enter the living realm. So far, however, Crow has only found a complex ritual that allows Soul to visit the mortal realm by possessing his body.

The God of War, Anarchy Reign, also knows the Goddess personally but Crow doesn’t know that.

P.s. If you made it this far- I did make this design last year, but I am not looking to redesign this one. In addition, I'm not a writer so I apologize for grammar or spelling errors.

[ananke-xiii]

The Power and Love in Post-Purgatory

In my previous post about Betrayal&Fidelity in Purgatory I've tried to interpet Dean's and Cas' relationship as a marriage founded on its very antithesis: betrayal. Both parties are committed to each other by keeping the phantom of betrayal always alive in order to hide the reality behind their bond.

While Dean wants Cas to remember what he did to him, Cas wants to focus on anything but. In other words, while Dean wants Cas to stay in their committed relationship without acknowledging its romantic aspect, Cas wants to stay out of it precisely for the same reason: he also doesn't want to acknowledge his love because doing so would mean coming to terms with the fact that he has betrayed Dean.

Cas is ready to do penance for all the sins he committed against heaven and earth but his "sins" against Dean, which means that Cas is bound to keep betraying Dean. Dean is ready to forgive all of Cas' sins as long as it means that the angel stays in a relationship with him that negates their real feelings. And so the cycle continues.

Robbie Thompson's idea to have Dean say "I love you" to break Cas' connection with heaven and re-establish his connection with him was accurate. Because hearing Dean say such a thing would indeed make Cas stop fleeing. It would have also served the point of showing that, even though he was on his knees and bleeding, Dean was the one with more Power in their relationship.

It's then worth analyzing love's opposite in this story like in any other story: power.

There's a power imbalance in Cas' and Dean's relationship and this is what causes them a lot of trouble.

Obvsiously, Cas is factually stronger than Dean because he's an angel ("What happened? I happened"). This is also one of the reasons why he gets depowered every other season, to give a resemblance of power balance between Cas and the Winchesters.

However, it very soon becomes apparent that Dean's got a lot of power over Cas. The moment Cas touched Dean maybe he was not immediately lost but, in the words of Faulkner:

... there is something in the touch of flesh with flesh which abrogates, cuts sharp and straight across the devious intricate channels of decorous ordering, which enemies as well as lovers know because it makes them both:---touch and touch of that which is the citadel of the central I-Am's private own: not spirit, soul; the liquorish and ungirdled mind is anyone's to take in any any darkened hallway of this earthly tenement. But let flesh touch with flesh, and watch the fall of all the eggshell shibboleth of caste and color too.

Cas touched Dean and branded him with heaven's power but he got himself branded with Dean's power: he found someone with whom he could talk with, someone with whom he shared some similiraties with, someone who saw him and understood he had his own world inside.

Now, this is a real problem for Cas. While Dean deals with power in terms of control, Cas deals with it in terms of wants and lack thereof. Cas wants to become his own person but, in doing so, he finds himself disconnected from his original host and connected with a new one: Dean. He used to be a part of a "much better club" and now, "because of Dean", he has lost everything.

I've already written about how Cas uses Dean as an excuse to avoid dealing with his issues with power. It's almost like a tell: 9 times our of 10 when Cas claims he's doing something for or because of Dean he's most likely not.

Conversely, when Cas speaks about power imbalance or he claims he doesn't know why he did something he did re: crypt scene, now that's because of Dean. Cas lies. A lot. Mostly to himself.

Back to Dean: a way the show portrays Dean's power over Cas is making him describing the angel as a child, a baby in a trenchcoat, a dorky little man etc. If we want to take the charitable route, Dean does so in good faith. If we don't want that we must acknowledge Dean's tendencies to get mad, really mad, when people don't do as he says. And Cas never. NEVER does what Dean says and it drives Dean crazy.

It drives Dean crazy because, as he says in s8 I believe, if it was anybody else, anybody not Cas, he would NEVER let it slide. Hell, he doesn't give his own brother the same treatment. Dean can't let Cas go, he pretends to not know why and it drives him crazy because he can't control the angel, he can't control his feelings and he can't do anything about it.

Here we have THE Purgatory's problem: Dean can't let go but Cas can. Worse: Cas wants to.

Let's look at this beautiful dialogue from "A Little Slice of Kevin":

Dean: Look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I've failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don't need it!

Castiel: Dean. Just look at it. Really look at it. [He touches DEAN on the forehead.]

Castiel: See, it wasn't that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn't want to be saved.

Dean: What the hell are you talking about?

Castiel: It's where I belonged. I needed to do penance. After the things I did on earth and in heaven, I didn't deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there. I... I planned to stay all along. I just didn't know how to tell you. You can't save everyone, my friend... though, you try.

Dean is mad at Cas because, once again, he didn't do what Dean told him to. Their argument leads to this explosive moment where Cas makes Dean remember things as they happened in Purgatory: Cas let go and he let go because he planned to do it, because he wanted to do it.

Cas is saying that he wasn't weak, he was stronger than Dean and he's obviously not talking about physical strength: he was stronger than Dean in that he was able to break their connection, to set himself free from Dean.

I think that this and Jack's pre-birth in s12 are the only two moments where Cas has got more power than Dean in their relationship and sort of unilaterally decides to break up with him. It's tragic to notice that both times Cas chose to completely opt out from Dean's life.

Cas saying he didn't want to be saved means that Cas is rejecting Dean and his obsession with saving people: Cas doesn't want to stay in the type of relationship Dean offers him.

Cas then talks about belonging. He belonged to Purgatory, not Dean and not just because Dean's human. It's because Dean doesn't need to do penance while Cas does.

Back to the crypt scene: Dean talks about beloning there. Cas is family. Dean loves him. If Dean had said those words their story would have ended, in a way. Dean would have managed to gain the upper hand against Heaven because he would have told Cas exactly what he wanted to hear: tell me you love me, tell me you forgive me, tell me we belong together and let's move on from our past, free me from my pain because I've hurt you and I don't know what to do to make it better.

But this doesn't happen, Dean says he needs Cas, he still gets the upper hand over Heaven but just briefly: the connection was broken but the one between Cas and Dean is NOT repaired. Dean tells Cas he needs him and Cas doesn't want that, Cas doesn't want to be Dean's responsibility, he doesn't want to be saved by Dean, he wants to protect himself from Dean (in the form of the Angel Tablet) and the connection he's offering him, one based on need.

What's worse, Cas' connection with Heaven is cut off only momentarily as he will later choose Heaven again thinking he needs to keep doing his penance (and making a huge mistake).

When Cas goes to Dean to ask for his help to close Heaven's gates, Cas is testing Dean. Back in S6 Cas asked Dean the same kind of help with the exception that, back then, Cas wanted to open a gate and now he wants to close it.

To be fair, I'm not so sure Dean pass the test. Sam intervenes in their conversation and I'm inclined to think that if he didn't, Dean wouldn't have helped Cas.

Anyway, the point is that Cas is testing Dean because he doesn't need Dean's help since Dean does nothing but drink a beer with him. So, you know. As I've said, Cas lies to himself.

Finally, Cas deems that Dean has passed the test and they say their goodbye. It's a bittersweet moment because nothing's been resolved: Dean lets Cas go because he thinks there's not much to be done about it, Cas is sort of giving Dean a chance to patch things up but nothing really happens so Cas can convince himself he's doing the right thing and he's ready to die.

They have both given up (for now ofc).

It's beautifully sad.

So, is their relationship based on power or love? Well, the second, of course.

In S8 both Dean and Cas have their moment of power over each other but it ends with a tie. The love is still there, though. Not for nothing their final interaction involved Cupid.

[yanderes-galore]

I don’t know if someone already requested it, but can you do a concept with Dust Sans where the darling are trying to survive against him?

Yeah, I can try. I'm not used to Undertale AUs but I'll try. I only really know DustTale from a fangame I saw so if anything is off, that's why. I tried to do my research and keep the personality still both Sans and Murder! Sans. I don't wish to offend the creator so I tried my best here. I hope you all like it nonetheless. I doubt the original author will see this but if they want me to take this down I can, just ask, I wish to respect them. This is just for fun.

Yandere! Murder Sans with Darling trying survive against him

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Hunting, Guilt, Death/Murder, Delusional behavior, Horror themes, Actually is a bit sad, Angst, Dubious relationship (as in, it's not even focused half the time).

As I wish to respect the author, I will try to keep Dust/Murder Sans as in character as possible.

Those who know the AU, even if I don't know all of it, know that this version of Sans is insane due to all the murder he had to do.

Sans’ goal is to kill all the monsters before Chara/The Human does.

Even his own brother, who he then hallucinates.

The most in character way to write something like this to me is this;

You are someone close to Sans before all the genocide routes.

He cared about you once… before all of this.

Then he saw you die… so many times.

It hurt… it all hurt.

I feel even if you were close he'd still end up chasing you down.

After all, DustTale appears to be a race to see who's stronger; The Human or Sans.

He wants to break this cycle.

Do the others even matter if they don't remember the resets?

I feel with this version of Sans there's a good chance you'd die.

By his hands… maybe as some sort of mercy killing.

Sans probably doesn't want to kill you, similar to how he felt when having to kill his own brother.

Yet as he falls into insanity… he feels it doesn't matter.

In reality, isn't he making sure you don't suffer?

You'll either die by the human once again… or him.

He'll make it quick for you.

In Sans' mind he feels this is for your own good.

You no doubt don't agree due to the fact you don't remember resets.

All you know is the skeleton you used to care about looks and acts different… and wants to kill you.

So now you're running through an abandoned Underground, trying to hide and/or escape from your old friend.

Sans' main goal is to defeat The Human.

However, I HC that he hesitates at some points right up until he loses his sanity.

Even during his insanity there may be moments of clarity where Sans recalls memories of you two together.

Maybe friends in one route, something closer another, but never really enemies…

Until now.

Some monsters have evacuated, some have been killed.

While running you may have even seen Sans kill some monsters.

The sight chills you.

Many know of Sans' killing spree, plus you fear you may not last through it.

Your fate, as it is in every route, is already sealed.

You can try your best to survive but you can only go on for so long.

You can try to hide, you can try to run…

Sans may just find you if The Human doesn't.

Part of him feels bad, part of him wishes there was a chance to spare you.

There isn't… not until he has The Human dead.

After resetting the timeline you two can be happy.

He's given up everything to defeat The Human, he's seen you and his loved ones die too many times. 

You may not understand it… but he's doing this for the both of you.

Once he wins, you can be happy in a new reset.

Hopefully… the last one.

But in order to have that happen… he needs to have your power.

Surely you won't blame him in the end.

Perhaps you both know that deep down it's inevitable.

At some point, through Snowdin, Waterfall, Hotland, and that dreaded corridor… one of those places will be your final resting place.

If only you knew how much this hurt him.

If only you remembered all those memories you once had together.

Unfortunately, you don't, which makes things somewhat easier.

He keeps telling himself that this is for the better.

You can help him take down The Human.

He pushes that thought in his head when he corners you.

You plead to him, he tries to ignore it.

It feels horrible… But there's no chance for mercy.

He promises to you that he'll make everything better… that he'll fix things…

Right as he summons a bone through you.

While you wither away into dust, he promises himself he'll fix things for you.

After all, he already feels stronger!

He'll just… make it count.

If this doesn't work… he'll try again.

He promises he does this because he cares…

He's just lucky you won't remember this, you'll just see him as Sans in another route.

He hopes that's true for you.

He hopes this fixes things

He wants to be happy with you…

Which means he'll keep doing this, even if it means killing you, to obtain that happy ending.

Even if it's futile in the end….

[psychedelic-ink]

love, or the lack of

pairing: namor x f!reader

genre: smut, romance

word count: 1.5k

summary: After your random meet, Namor visits you almost everyday. When you finally ask to see his home, he tells you he'll allow it on only one condition: after seeing Talokan, you can't ever leave again.

warnings: mild spoilers for black panther: wakanda forever, piv, fingering, mild dirty talking, creampie, breeding kink, possesive!namor

MLISTS .  LIBRARY. TAGLIST

The first time you see him, you’re throwing rocks into the water. 

You aren’t trying to make them skip or anything, you’re just frustrated and seeing how the water ripples soothes you in an odd way. You’re frustrated, angry, and lonely. Traits that drag him out of water and to you. Your first instinct, of course, is to direct your rocks at him. After all, a man coming out of water half naked could never be a good sign. But when he floats, two pairs of wings attached to his ankles, you stop your assault and listen. 

The first thing you notice is the softness of his eyes, but you see the anger and hostility he has towards the surface world, and indirectly, to you. 

Namor visits you often after that. 

Most nights are silent, he doesn’t say much other than ask you about your day. You tell him, then ask him about his city, he never says much. He mutters a lot, and avoids eye contact. In many ways he acts similarly to a wounded animal. You’re aware that he’s a powerful man, a king– no, a god– to his people, maybe you should be more afraid, but oddly enough you’re not. Sometimes he touches you. Touches filled with curiosity as they rake across your body, soft moans part your lips, he cups your breasts then remarks how warm and tender they feel. He always stops at your thighs, his hands not daring to touch the spot that aches the most. 

Then one day you break the cycle, you ask him a different question. 

“Would you ever consider showing me your home?” 

Every muscle surrounding his body grows taut at the question, he straightens himself, eyes fixated on the horizon. In all honesty, you weren’t expecting an answer when you asked. You half expected him to brush it off. His change of demenour surprises you. You pull your knees close to your chest, sand moves around you, the warmth of it subsiding with the setting sun. 

“If I take you there you can’t ever return,” he says, his voice low, dangerous. 

“Does that mean you’ll kill me?” 

“No–” he shakes his head, and finally allows his eyes to wander over your features. His eyebrows raise at your unpleasant question. “No, of course I won’t kill you. I just…I can’t allow a human to come back here, risking everything I’ve tried so hard to protect,” 

“You don’t trust me?” 

“I don’t trust any human,” 

Neither do I, you think, but sadly that doesn’t change the fact that you’re human too. You look back towards the bright city, the sound pollution reaches your ears, the yellow lights bright up the fog. Then you turn back, stare at the sea that has been bathed in orange sunlight. You turn to the man next to you, his eyes still in search of something he hopes to find on your face. Namor’s gaze drops to your lips, he swallows, and lifts his eyes back up to meet yours. 

“Take me with you.” 

“You won’t ever see the surface world again,” his voice is softer now, his body relaxing, he adds. “Well, you can visit with me by your side, but you won’t ever live here. Do you understand what I am saying? You will be underwater, forever.” 

“But I would be with you.” you smile, you softly touch his bicep. “Take me, Namor. I want to see you home.” 

You can breathe, yet you still feel the pressure of water. It surrounds you, circling around the only space that holds the oxygen you can breathe. It’s a beautiful place, it smells of sea salt. The guards that stand close by give you odd looks, Namor holds your hand and squeezes, affirming you that this is where you belong – not that you have much of a choice now that you’re here. 

“I will take you to see Talokan tomorrow,” 

Still feeling the rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins, you don’t argue. He takes you to his bedroom, the bed looks soft and luscious, he pushes you down, crawling between your legs. You hold your breath. His lips inch closer and closer, your heart beats madly in your chest. He drags his lips across your jawline, they’re wet and warm against your skin. Then he licks the seam of your lips, with a sigh, you part your lips, allowing him to taste you for the first time. 

Namor kisses you softly. His tongue languidly moving alongside yours as he presses himself further between your legs, you feel the length of his cock from underneath the thin fabric of his shorts, he grinds his hips and you break away from the kiss with a gasp. Grinning into your skin, Namor finds refuge in your neck, kissing and sucking your sensitive skin. 

“You’re so responsive to me,” he mutters, his warm breath breaking across your skin. “I love that about you. Ever since we first met, I’ve been dreaming of seeing you raw and open,” 

“You wanted me since the beginning?” 

Namor chuckles, tearing away the fabric of your shirt with ease, his tongue moves along the curve of your breasts. 

“Why do you sound so surprised? I think I made it obvious that I wanted you,” 

“Then why didn’t you just say something?” 

“I’ve touched you on multiple occasions,” 

He draws one of your stiff nipples into his mouth, his tongue goes in circles, teeth gently nipping around it. A shudder crawls up your spine, a moan ripping from your throat, when you speak again each word comes in between heavy pants. 

“I thought you were just curious,” 

He groans, teeth coming down harder around your nipple. Pain blossoms, forcing your back to arch off of the bed. Your eyes drop down to where he is, he’s already looking at you, eyes dark. 

“Do you allow anyone to touch you just because they’re curious?” 

Before you can utter an answer, his lips move away, a string of saliva following his kiss-swollen lips. Two thick fingers push between your folds, tracing around your entrance before sliding them both in. The air is caught in your lungs, fingers clawing at the sheets as he pushes them knuckle deep. Namor sucks in a sharp breath as he scissors his fingers, he cranes his neck, eyes flickering to yours. 

“How are you already this wet?” he groans, tongue wetting his lips. “Just watching you quivering like this makes me want to fuck you for days,” 

“I’m not going anywhere,” you challenge him, a sly smile tugging at your lips. “I believe we have time for that,” 

You see his smile, it’s laced with amusement, the gesture alone makes your heart skip a beat. Namor is all over you, the head of his cock pressing against your entrance as he cups both your tits and squeezes them hard. You let out a moan, legs parting further for his broad frame. He buries himself deep inside you, stretching you to the point tears sting your eyes. It’s a beautiful feeling. A feeling you’ve craved for as long as you’ve known him. His movements are fast, hard, each thrust knocking the air out of your lungs. Your eyes roll back, pleasure laving across your skin as he rams his cock deeper and deeper. 

Namor notices you biting back your moans, when your hand covers your lips, he growls, pulling it away. Where he holds you stings. 

“Don’t silence yourself,” he commands. “You’re free to make as much noise as you please. No one can judge you here,” 

Looking into his eyes, he fucks himself into you especially hard and your moan echoes, loud and lasting. He smiles at that, and pushes your legs towards your chest, as much as your body gives. His thrusts become frantic, rutting into you like a man unhinged. You scream his name, limbs shaking from the force of his hips. You gush around him again and again, slick staining the sheets. Pleasure bursts white behind your eyelids, he kisses you when you begin to cry for him. It soothes you, he licks the inside of your mouth and pulls away. 

“I’m going to cum inside,” he rasps. “Fill you up full of my seed,” 

“Fuck– Yes, please–” 

“You want me deep, don’t you my sweet girl– You’re doing so good for me,” 

“P-Please–” you sob, arms desperately wrapping around his neck. “Need you my king– my god–”

Namor spills into you with a groan and a stutter of his hips, he continues to fuck his cum into you as his lips find the curve of your breasts. Your body shakes at the feeling, eyes dazed and mouth slacked, you feel him spilling around the edges of his cock. Your muscles go lax, your arms fall and your legs twitch in protest. Namor slowly pulls out of you, gently laying your legs on to the bed, he massages them, looking at you apologetically. 

“Are you alright, my love?” 

My love, you like the sound of that. 

“I’m perfect,” you answer, voice hoarse. “Just a bit tired,” 

Namor lays down next to you, pulling you flush against his chest. You inhale his scent, he smells of saltwater and something sweet, you’re not sure what it is. His lips touch your forehead, and you find yourself slowly shifting into darkness, your eyelids growing heavy. 

When you wake up the next day, you’re still in his arms. 

[lucky-clover-gazette]

captive prince book 1 highlights & annotations

chapter 7

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Seeing no reason whatsoever to cooperate with that order, Damen stood up.

very much a “damen is not a slave” moment. this is the opposite of what they’ve been trained to do.

‘You are really courting danger tonight,’ Laurent said. ‘Am I? I thought I was appealing to your better nature. Order whatever punishment you like, from the coward’s distance of a chain-length. You and Govart are two of a kind.’

yessss, question his integrity! i love that they both get really pissed off when they’re implied to be bad people, but only by each other. it’s like they’ve mutually identified each other as their own personal moral arbiters, and couldn’t stop caring even if they tried.

Laurent transferred his gaze back to Damen and said, pleasantly, ‘Does that bother you? I recall you being free with your own hands, not so very long ago.’ ‘That was—’ Damen flushed. He wanted to deny that he’d done anything of the kind, but he remembered rather unequivocally that he had.

called out for enjoying the bath scene a little too much

‘I promise you, Govart did a great deal more than simply enjoy the view.’

vine boom so you WERE enjoying the view

‘To a slave,’ Laurent said. ‘The Prince’s Guard doesn’t interfere with the Regency. Govart can stick his cock into anything of my uncle’s he likes.’ Damen made a sound of disgust. ‘With your blessing?’ ‘Why not?’ said Laurent. His voice was honeyed. ‘He certainly had my blessing to fuck you, but it turned out he’d rather take a blow to the head. Disappointing, but I can’t fault his taste. Then again, maybe if you’d spread in the ring, Govart wouldn’t have been so hot to get inside your friend.’

context of what laurent is implying here (not what’s actually true): this is not laurent’s command or responsibility, but the regent’s. and it’s somehow damen’s fault that this happened to erasmus, because he didn’t let govart take him instead, which is what laurent had intended to happen. massive laurent ethical L on both counts. do better.

Damen said, ‘This isn’t a scheme of your uncle’s. I don’t take orders from men like Govart. You’re wrong.’ ‘Wrong,’ said Laurent. ‘How lucky I am to have servants to point out my shortcomings. What makes you think I will tolerate any of this, even if I believed what you are saying to be true?’ ‘Because you can end this conversation any time you like.’

damen won this interaction! called out laurent for clearly giving a shit, because he’s still talking!

also, craft note: great back-and-forth throughout this entire exchange

With so much at stake, Damen was sick of certain kinds of exchanges; the kind Laurent favoured, and enjoyed, and was good at. Wordplay for its own sake; words that built traps. None of it meant anything.

i have several hundred annotations that suggest otherwise

‘When someone doesn’t like you very much, it isn’t a good idea to let them know that you care about something,’ said Laurent.

context: nicaise :( and horse :( and a lot of things :(

break the cycle of abuse laurent i know you can do it

‘Would it hurt worse than a lashing for me to cut down someone you care for?’ said Laurent.

context: laurent knows, from experience, that the answer is yes

‘I don’t think I need to bring in more men,’ said Laurent. ‘I think all I have to do is tell you to kneel, and you’ll do it. Without me lifting a finger to help anyone.’ ‘You’re right,’ said Damen. ‘I can end this any time I like?’ said Laurent. ‘I haven’t even begun.’

damen won the confrontation morally, and they both know it. laurent won in practice by being intentionally immoral, and instead reminding damen that he has been given power over him that he can abuse. this is exactly what the regent has done to laurent, over and over again. sad.

Laurent said, ‘There is no bargain between us. A prince does not make deals with slaves and insects. Your promises are worth less to me than dirt. Do you understand me?’ ‘Perfectly,’ said Damen.

translation: “you win.” “i know.”

Damen rethought that particular approach. He turned over the information he’d just been given. Re-examined it. Turned it over again. ‘What changed your mind?’ Damen said, carefully.

context: maybe i’m too optimistic, but i think it’s genuinely an ethical decision on laurent’s part. there’s a strategic purpose in here, too, but that’s more of a convenience. laurent knew he was wrong, and might have even connected himself to his uncle and disliked the similarity. he doesn’t act smug when he’s doing something he doesn’t want to do, but he knows he should do this. that’s why he’s pissed at damen, but not playful about it at all. so i do think this was ultimately a “laurent was called on his bullshit, and has too much integrity not to act based on that callout” thing.

‘I’m not sure that I believe anything that you’ve just told me,’ Damen said. ‘Do you have a choice?’ ‘No.’

silver lining for laurent: re-asserts his own power and moral high ground by helping damen, instead of threatening him in a way they both know is fucked up

He has experienced things many adults have not, and his mind is no longer that of a child.

laurent would know :(

‘Is there anyone at this court who isn’t my enemy?’ ‘Not if I can help it,’ Laurent said.

okay this is just him being mean. it’s his enrichment 

‘So he’s tame,’ said Estienne, and reached out tentatively, as though to pat a wild animal. It was a question of which part of the animal he was patting. Damen knocked his hand away. Estienne gave a yelp and snatched his hand back, nursing it against his chest. ‘Not that tame,’ said Laurent. He didn’t reprimand Damen. He didn’t seem particularly displeased with barbaric behaviour, as long as it was directed outward. Like a man who enjoys owning an animal who will rake others with its claws but eat peacefully from his own hand, he was giving his pet a great deal of license.

they’re insane

As a result, courtiers kept one eye on Damen, giving him a wide berth. Laurent used that to his advantage, using the propensity of courtiers to fall back in reaction to Damen’s presence as a means of extricating himself smoothly from conversation. The third time this happened Damen said, ‘Shall I make a face at the ones you don’t like, or is it enough to just look like a barbarian?’ ‘Shut up,’ said Laurent, calmly.

emotional collapse animal to keep people from annoying laurent. love the banter here. damen knows that’s exactly what’s happening, and laurent is annoyed that he knows, because it makes him seem like an antisocial loser, which he is

Torveld was a handsome man in his forties

ew. leave laurent alone. he’s like half your age and he has specific trauma that makes this particularly uncomfortable

He reconciled himself to an evening of listening to Laurent lying a great deal, about everything. Laurent was a nest of scorpions in the body of one person. To hear that Akielos was weakened was as painful as Laurent must have meant it to be.

context: not entirely sold on the idea that laurent is having this conversation about akielos specifically to upset damen, but i get why damen feels that way

‘I wish we had more time together,’ said Torveld, showing no inclination to rise.

GET A JOB. STAY AWAY FROM HER

‘Nephew. You were not invited to these discussions.’ ‘And yet, here I am. It’s very irritating, isn’t it?’ said Laurent. ‘You’ve never applied yourself seriously to anything in your life.’ ‘Haven’t I? Well, then it’s nothing serious, uncle. You have no cause to worry.’

laurent applies himself seriously to most, if not all, of the things he chooses to do. regent just dislikes that laurent has a choice and uses it.

[b4b3tte]

꒰ ⊹ ˚ . Summary — here are some jealousy head canons of Rowan laslow part one!!

Contains of — Jealousy,Slight possessiveness,Deadpan expressions, Fluff,SFW moments, Kisses, Hugs, Comforting, Pet names !!

Babette’s note — I’m so sorry I haven’t released any material, I honestly haven’t found anything interesting to write about but I’ve rewatched Wednesday and noticed i haven’t seen a lot of Rowan fanfics so I decided to write about him!! I hope the new year is going great and thank you for 120 followers!! Request box is open!!!

— There are little to no any problems with you and your relationship with Rowan, but the little problems are him being slightly too jealous.

— him being a outcast in a school full of them, there are a little bit( a-lot ) of insecurities that come with it, so he does get upset having you spend extra time with his Peers, letting his thoughts of you leaving him fill his mind up.

— gets so mad and stressed out, that he uses his inhaler 24/7

— if you are expressing your attention towards Xavier Rowan will give him the deadpan look for the whole week

— he can be very two faced, let’s say you feel bad that you made Rowan feel insecure that you hug and kiss his neck, while he hugs you back he is giving whoever is behind you a nasty deadpan stare letting them know they fucked up

— Rowan is still amazed at how someone gorgeous and like able like you ended up with someone like him. So at first he felt like he shouldn’t be able to touch you, but after you comforted him and such he loves having his hands on you, just basically engaging physical contact

— but He still gets scared having physical contact with you in public, he isn’t embarrassed or ashamed of you more like he is scared you are embarrassed or ashamed of him, so he tries to minimize that affection by just forehead kisses and hand holding

— But when he gets jealous or mad at someone for stealing your attention all of those negative thoughts leave his mind and shows proudly that your his

— by moving you closer to him by pulling your waist next to him, whispers in you ear, kisses on your lips, his hand going up and down your thigh, hand on your lower back leading towards your ass ( 🫢 )

— Having the love of his life spend time with people he doesn’t like hurts him inside which obviously causes a sour sarcastic change in his mood so this can go both ways.

— A.) he leaves you alone with whoever you are hanging out with, locking himself in his room crying, letting his negative thoughts take over.

— B.) he purposely makes his sour mood noticeable to you and waits for you to stop what your doing and focus on him giving him the attention he so desperately needs from you

( I personally think A is more Rowan but u can pick<3 ) 

A :

— When he does cry, it is bad, pure sobs, using his inhaler, resisting the urge to break his glasses,face in pillow with tears and snot all over, he doesn’t take jealousy too well which is pretty clear.

— When you first confessed it took awhile for him to be convinced that you didn’t see him as an outcast

— But when he sees you hanging out with other people or act more interested in them he will think you finally saw him as the outcast he is

— even though it does hurt him, the making up part is the great part about it. Since this probably is a constant cycle he will slightly look forward to how you will make it up to him

—  whether or not it’s by cuddles, constant praises and cute nose kisses or something more deeper if you catch my drift;)

— if you do decide to go through the wholesome route, forehead and nose kisses are the best and comforting for him he absolutely adores

— trust me he enjoys having his lips engage with yours but having forehead and nose kisses makes him feel more comforted and safe

End of A.

— For pet names he never really thought about ones he specifically liked, out of the names you’ll call him he will pick favorites out of them

— and it’s most likely you’d figure out the ones he enjoys based on his flustered shy smile reactions.

B :

— we all know Rowan can be secretly bitchy and pissed off and won’t have a difficult time showing it, he gets pissed off about a lot of things in his life but when it comes towards you giving other’s your attention it gives him more of a good reasons to show that annoyance and anger.

— I’m sure Rowan knows you don’t mean to do these things intentionally but it still gets under his skin and has to let you know that he is upset but rather not directly tell you but tell you by his annoyed actions

— Rowan would most definitely give you the silent treatment…if he had the heart too, he honestly loves you too much for his own good that he just can’t ignore you

— just expect bland and deadpan answers instead of his usual shy awkward smiley answers

— surprisingly it’s a big difference in his behavior so it doesn’t take you that long to notice his sudden sour mood

— you’d have to ask him what’s wrong so many times but knowing how stubborn he can be during that time you will just get a lot of “nothing is wrong “ or “ I am fine I don’t know what you are talking about “ or “ I just have a headache nothing big “

— he will be rude towards the person or people you were giving your attention too, and of course you picked up on that which made you connect the dots that he was jealous

— simply all you need to do is wait for his glasses to slightly drop down to his nose and push them back up and hug him and apologize

— you guys will talk about how he felt, some comforting words and everything is good!

End of B

— sometimes he can be possessive in general with no trigger needed, you can suggest a date in weathervane cafe and he will frown and try to give you every excuse in the book not to go.

— Reason for that he rather have you and him cuddling on his bed talking about each others day than go out and have everybody give you stares, the stares only he should be able to give you.

— He always found the term baby gross and off putting since Xavier used it the most towards his past girlfriends but when it came out of your mouth and having it directed to him it felt different so it’s a high nickname up on the list.

— he is most definitely a switch but when you call him sweetheart it unlocks more of his submissive side, since the name sweetheart is rather a feminine ish name he gets super shy when you refer him as that in public

— so during a moment of comfort he adores baby and sweetheart but most importantly Rowan. You using his real name during times like this shows that you are being sincere and actually care so he really appreciates that

Thank you so much for reading it means a lot! I would appreciate likes and comments because it shows me that I did a good job in my writing or I need some improvements so any show of love or feedback is amazing so tysm!!

Just remember, One thing you need to realize is that everything ends up working out. Sometimes even better than you can imagine.Remember this when you're in a hard place or feel like you're challenged the most.Believe in where you're heading. I love you 🤍⭐️!