s0mewhatsad

[s0mewhatsad]

Found out that because i overdosed again im on the brink of homelessness again if i slip up. How is this meant to make me value life. How is this meant to make me feel like i should be alive. Why does this happen? the cycle repeats over and over again.

[s0mewhatsad]

i spent all my money on razor blades

but i only needed one for the plans i had made

[s0mewhatsad]

i have been gone for a while

i know i never accumulated quite the following but yeah, i left. i think i might have even been better. But now im at square one or rather beneath square one. 

I wake everyday to the same thing. I feel no love, no pure joy and no satisfaction. I feel like an empty body waiting to explode. The days start to gel together, i cant tell how long ive felt like this. You could tell me its been like this for years and id believe you

[s0mewhatsad]

i hope youre doing anything but thinking of me

[s0mewhatsad]

nothing can make you feel alone like fucking crisis hotlines not even having enough time for you.

[s0mewhatsad]

i dont know if the knowledge that i could disappear and no one could notice me is comforting or scary

[s0mewhatsad]

im so fucking sick of breathing, i’m so alone. Im sick of never being someone’s number one choice. My loneliness sickens me. Im sick of crying myself to sleep. i’m sick of never being the main character in the story.

[s0mewhatsad]

Am i on fire, or is my mind just broken

[s0mewhatsad]

everyone fucking leaves. the people who promise to stay with you forever, they fuck off too. i’m like friend repellent. i couldn’t count all the people who’ve dipped on me on two hands and feet.

i end up pushing people away just because of how terrified i am for them to leave, but i just can’t stop seeing the people who left me. seeing the good times, the bad times and the present.

i just fuck everything up

[s0mewhatsad]

I cannot stress how true this is.

[s0mewhatsad]

my pain is not art.

the fact i crave death is not poetic.

my cuts aren’t beautiful.

i am not a symbol nor a survivor. i am a person.

[s0mewhatsad]

(via https://open.spotify.com/track/30j49jjGOeT4GuvRnHhjb6?si=YGVxeYrSRw_z36_JYBQwSA)

Im crying 

[s0mewhatsad]

the day in which i completely stop being me

that is when those around me will finally become happy

[s0mewhatsad]

i was going to kill myself after my birthday. it’s been a month and a half now and i’m so happy i didn’t

that doesn’t mean i might not plan to again. but i’m happy i didn’t do it then

[s0mewhatsad]

[s0mewhatsad]

shout out to all the cunts peaking in middle school who like treating people bad to boost their egos. Fuck you and you inconsiderate ways. how hard is it to try and be a good person, not selectively.

For some i’m only worth it when there’s no one else around and others i’m not even considered an option.

Fuck all of you. they day i leave this school will be a sweet one

[s0mewhatsad]

if you want to see someone you’ll make time for them. It’s that easy