jamielynnheartfelt-blog

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It’s never too late for a good attitude - there is always room for improvement when you wake up like  rattle snake!

When you live with chronic pain, many days you open your eyes and think F%$#! The pain did not disappear in the last 30 min nap before the alarm goes off. You roll over in bed, stretching, groaning, often crying. The pain is too much and honestly, it is really depressing.

You start your morning routine in an all too familiar dark place with a bad attitude. It hurts, it’s always going to hurt. It will likely get worse. Quickly, you become your own victim of this universally cruel thing “chronic pain.”

The reality is though, it is up to me as to what attitude I face pain with. Most Chronic Pain sufferers become immobilized by the depression that comes with knowing that every god damn day is going to start the same way.

What if, this did not have to continue past the first moment in the morning?

What if I did not have a terrible grumpy morning? Is it possible to wake up and not hate so bad? Beginning each day this way can lead to anger, resentment and often loneliness.

I watched my parents both suffer from crazy spine injuries. I believe my unwillingness to yield to the helplessness of Chronic pain came from them. Both of my parents battled pain through the age I am now.

My mother broke her body sky diving at an early, vivacious age. My father suffered a terrible trucking accident that landed telephone poles being pushing into his back. My mother succumbed to her pain a decade ago and my father is still fighting to survive with more pain than the average person could imagine. Growing up and watching them survive is likely why I have lasted this long. Certainly, seeing them work through it gave me the “not going down without a fight” attitude that keeps me in smiles, motion and good spirits now.

I have been injured beyond repair for 15 years. In May, I will have had 15 years of waking up like this. Much of that time was spent learning how to cope. Surgery, sedation, painful injections, endless doctor’s appointments and at one point becoming a full time Physio Therapy patient. Never mind the prescriptions that either worked or fucked up your life. Not yet knowing how to cope with my pain created irreparable rifts between me and some of the people I loved the most.

Through the die-hard attitude that my parents displayed, I also could not bother to lay down and accept defeat. For me, giving into my pain has always meant that I would never ride a horse again, never teach again and that is something I have never been able to accept. However foolish, my parents instilled stubbornness and grit in me, by example and for that I am grateful.

Fast forward through a mountain of added injuries. Fast forward Immeasurable heartache, not just for me but those that loved me, and I finally have figured out how to cope in a way that is no longer destructive and wake up with a good attitude. …Most days anyhow!

One year ago, I was in the place of giving up. After all, the list of things that “my chronic pain” had “taken from me” was long. The value of that loss is still something I cannot speak openly about without sinking to depths of despair. I wish I had found the right attitude sooner. The right attitude often comes with accepting the right support.

Through a doctor who believes I am in fact the vivacious child my mother taught me to be and will help me to express my special brand of “normal.” To the physio and Bio team that help me find the inherent strength and fight that I could have only gained from dad. And from the students who drive me to be a better leader, I can tell you now, my mornings are a contrast from those I experienced 10-15 years ago.

Sure, I am as temperamental as a rattlesnake when I first wake up, but my partner Gareth, bravely and loyally brings me a good cupa and patiently waits for the daily realization of my painful situation to pass. I eventually find a way to have a good attitude, no matter what pain level and corresponding mood I wake up in.

I take my medications without guilt, something that was hard to do. I do my stretches like my life depends on it (because it does). I can hold my tongue until I have something nice to say and I keep true to my fitness because I am the only person who can change my situation. I am the only person who can control my pain and that began by searching for a reason to accept my pain and get on with my life.

It is through this extended support system that I can laugh rather than cry and stretch my way to riding horses and kicking ass every day. For this, I am most grateful and could never have found a good attitude without the incredible combination of people I have as a support crew. And that is how I find my good attitude!

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Throwback thrusday.. to Hunters Cherokee Dream as a yearling #heartfelthorsemanship #naturalhorsemanship #horsesofinstagram #appaloosafoal #appaloosa #foalsofinstaragram #foals (at Heartfelt Horsemanship) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtkbT9QlHuf/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7mv08laqp08a

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What is wrong with clicker training?

It’s something that’s really difficult to enact correctly, safely, and productively with horses. Effectively training horses is reliant on being fair, clear, and consistent. For many people, the way they implement the method often generally lacks 2 of those 3 things. If you just parse it down purely to classic conditioning (Pavlov rings bell until dog drools because of bell ringing) versus operant conditioning (Say you see Pavlov’s dog drooling so THEN you ring a bell), it’s just a really blurry line for someone not very well-experienced in animal behavioral science and deeply educated in whatever the ins & outs of theory/methodology they’re then trying to train the horse in.

With horses, timing is everything and beyond that consistency is even more valuable. Building on behaviors is hard enough with an animal you can’t just talk to. That’s why for the majority of training horses a new concept there’s a refinement of cues, not an addition of behavior to cues.

 Ex. fairly common practice for many people training horses the difference in w/t/c under-saddle will originally use vocal cues with physical ones; then they remove the vocal aid and just use the physical, and dependent on how far horse & rider go as a combo the physical cue becomes a lot less “loud”.With the clicker training method though, there’s a lot of raising the stakes in stead of removing the stakes (that’s a bad analogy, but don’t think about it too hard). There’s a reliance on the horse being able to divine without confusion the building of behaviors based on the same stimuli. Whereas the “common” practice isn’t to change what’s being asked for, but to go from “shouting” the ask to “whispering” the ask. De-escalation of cue versus escalation of expectation. You often end up with a lot of reward for incorrect “correct” behavior by someone who is still learning what they’re actually wanting from their horse. Say the horse is being trained for dressage— maybe this person is implementing clicker + reward for the horse curling their neck in on the lunge because they think that’s indicative of correct usage of the topline. However, if the horse is still on the forehand, or merely tightening and not using their back… well, the horse is being rewarded and conditioned for a “desired” behavior that’s incorrect. Sure, you can make a claim that plenty of people who are working with their horses in a non-clicker training atmosphere tend to do the same thing at points but the difference in a classic usage of +/-R training is that it’s a lot easier and less confusing for the horse to have corrections made to incorrect training. Again, let’s say the horse was incorrectly rewarded for a long time by someone who thinks a horse working on the bit and collected is a horse “in-frame” with a pulled in and curled neck. In a +/-R training situation you have when re-training to having the horse correctly work into the bit is to ask for the desired thing (most simply put ever: leg added into a stable rein). If the horse does it correctly, there’s praise. If the horse does it incorrectly, there’s a correction, a new ask, and praise once it is done correctly.There is a way to train with aversions or corrections when doing clicker training— but as it stands in the at-large-condemned-with-being-bad-at-it internet community that’s not their understanding of how to clicker training. Purely +R with horses is difficult. Purely +R while RIDING the horse is difficult. Purely +R while riding the horse & using a clicker is… I’m just going to come out and say it— fucking impossible to ever accomplish much with. 

Going back to this theoretical dressage clicker trained horse who has been conditioned to do something incorrect— when the rider recognizes their folly because they’ve gained more education about what they’re really looking for but isn’t going to adjust their methods; what do you get? You get repetition of a stimulus without reward and a horse who is unsure as to why the fuck they’re not getting rewarded even though they’re doing the same thing they’ve always done to earn that cookie. It’s frustrating for the horse. Sure, say the horse does the thing incorrectly 9 times in a row and doesn’t get the reward but on the 10th time the horse suddenly divines from the stars what they’ve been doing incorrectly (because again, this is a poor application of the method in which no correction is being applied) and does the thing right, earns the reward, and… then what? While not scientifically based, the sort of running wisdom I’ve always heard is that for every one time your horse does something wrong, it’ll take seven times of doing it correctly for the correction to stick. So in this usage where there is no correction, just attempts at rewarding a “correct” behavior you’re still not really ingraining what you’re asking for if you’re creating a scenario that enables the horse to continually do the thing you’re not asking of them. 

It’s not that it isn’t something that can be useful, well-done, or shit even kind of fun but rather that it is something that can very, very easily be poorly adapted by someone who doesn’t know exactly what they’re doing. The same of course can be said for any training style— poor horsemanship is poor horsemanship regardless of it being based on +R, -R, or the more thing most people are actually doing +/-R. I’ve dealt with the ramifications of a horse with very grossly misapplied +R only training and it was frustrating for me and deeply unfair to the horse. I’ve also seen in person a lot of horses who’re giving a behavior they’ve been taught under clicker training but in a way that’s dangerous “out of context” (horses taught to rear on the ground with a clicker rearing under saddle, horses taught to strike objects striking out at horses/people/things). Plus, there’s just a lot of really bad clicker training all over social media. Plenty of horses out there being lead into dangerous (for the rider) situations purely because of an aversion to any form of -R and effectively being ruined. 

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The Point of Cowboy Tai Chi - self awareness in horsemanship

The skills that we teach in clinic’s and lessons and through the correspondence course are largely based off this thing we call “Self-Awareness.” We want to adapt that concept to interacting with horses on a variety of levels, primarily from a point of leadership and partnership.

I suppose one way to look at it is that we must mindfully be seeking a deeper level of self-awareness in order to develop what Ray Hunt and the Dorrance brothers called “FEEL.” Or feeling of the horse so that horse and human can learn to feel together.

If you have been around horses long enough, you will find that horsemanship attracts people who want to a “feel” of their horse to achieve that highest level of connection and communication. With that desire being an attracting factor, so much of how we help students is to begin creating Neural pathways that allow for mindful searching to achieve self-awareness.

I meet people all the time, whom, like myself, want to help horses and bond with their horse, but often get in their own way of achieving their goals. They in essence, (I know, I have been there in my life) cannot find a way to set aside their ego and emotional imbalance to see the horses needs clearly.

As the understanding of horses, Neuro Chemistry is recognizable and common knowledge myths about how horses think, feel, play and act need to be re-examined. Horsemen are going to have to adapt accordingly.

What I spend an increasingly larger amount of time coaching is how to help the student set aside their ego’s, low self-esteem and most importantly the unrealistic expectations of their horse. This requires one to face the fact that horses do not possess the brain capacity to have ego’s, or plot against us. They have reactions or respond with their own sense of reasoning largely based on their innate instinct to survive.

Simply understood, horses live in the moment, so we must learn to share that moment with them. This is called being present. A concept that is fairly elusive to our on-demand world availalble with a flick of the thumb.

When I see a human putting pressure on horses to hurry up and comply, as a result of being chased, abused, drugged or harassed, I will try and intervene on the horse’s behalf and cause the human to actively develop self-awareness. The results are generally wonderful for all involved too.

When I think back to my list of amazing teachers of Horsemanship, the very common observation they have, is, at least when they were working with a horse, they demonstrated a strong sense of self-awareness and emotional fitness.

Self-Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. Self-Awareness allows you to understand other people and likely horses too, how they perceive you and your actions, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment.

How to develop and increase self-awareness around horses (and in everyday life)

1.    Look at yourself objectively. Do the same for your horse!

2.    Keep a journal, find a way to measure progress. Phases are a great measure of progress. Journal what phase you do on any given day, then check back to see if your horse is getting lighter! Our emotions often make us critical due to ego, money and time constraints.

3.    Write down your goals, plans, and priorities, keep track of your horse’s progress and your own journey of growth.

4.    Perform daily self-reflection.

5.    Practice meditation ,quiet times or mindfulness habits. To apply this directly to your horsemanship, practice the art of doing nothing with your horse. Or add a meditation or quiet-time to your work out. (Life changing practice for my own journey)

6.    Ask a trusted instructor to describe you and your progress with your horse. Education and experience see things that you may not know to look for yet!

7.    Allow your horse to give you feedback and take it with a sense of humor and a shot of tequila. Some days, when we lack connection and emotional fitness, we can leave a not so positive feel on our horse. If your horse develops any sort of behavior that you would otherwise call: stubborn, cheeky, spooky, arrogant or naughty, this is likely your horses way of telling you he is not feeling safe or cool with what has been happening. Take a deep breath, think objectively and find a solution if you pinpoint something obvious.

8.    Check your emotions at the gate. You can carry compassion and a sense of humor with you, nothing but positive feel should come from you. Your horse can only sense if you are excited or relaxed. When a horse feels our heart rate rise and sees our grumpy face, he only has the brain capacity to assume you are a hungry predator excited about eating. (Could be why he runs from you?)

 Want to Be a Good Leader? Step One: Know Thyself around horses

The principles of Heartfelt Horsemanship are to create strong leaders, if only for horses.

1.    Keep an open mind. Understand the horse’s idea first.

2.    Be mindful of your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t go so far outside your comfort zone that you cannot come back.

3.    Stay focused or the better way to say this is: Remember your intent. Be clear in your intent and keep it simple. Horses cannot think 20 goals at a time!

4.    Set boundaries.

5.    Know your emotional triggers and get help in coping with those.

6.    Embrace your intuition.

7.    Practice self-discipline.

Tips for improving your self-awareness.

1.    Get out of the comfort zone. No one grows there. Adversely don’t go farther than you can safely manage. Build goals.

2.    Identify your triggers.

3.    Do not judge your feelings. Learning horsemanship is tough, and sometimes can be frightening. Be kind t yourself.

4.    Don't make decisions in a bad mood around horses. You will regret it. Rather hang it up for the day and try when you are refreshed!

5.    Don't make decisions in a good mood either, good horsemen are objective and neutral!

6.    Get to the birds-eye view.

 By Jamie Lynn,

Lead Instructor a Heartfelt Horsemanship

Clinician of Natural Horsemanship

Author

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Not everyone gets to ride hours every day like us.. and it tends to take them forever to come to terms with all this rope. So.. We encourage people to practice ‘Cowboy TaiChi’ when they aren’t with their horses to build their rope coordination.. #heartfelthorsemanship #naturalhorsemanship #taichi (at Gauteng) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bibr5uWnLlL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=10ex9i81ifv6z

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Kicking Pain in the Balls

What do my days look like if I don’t look like I am going to die?

My Chronic pain differs from sufferer who has no pathology of injury or illness. I have broken my back, hip, nose, and toes a few times as well as survived West Nile Menegitis (and possibly EEV) and Malaria. Needless to say, the spine and spinal cord are a wreck.

But, because I am a fit, attractive and energetic horsewoman, I too am treated like a drama and drug seeking crazy woman because I do not “look” like I am suffering. I suppose if I gained 50 pounds and refused to get out of bed I would be seen differently by doctors. Though it would likely be treated as depression and still offer no help with broken bones.

My injuries are extensive. Most of my spine is bent and twisted. I have fractures ranging from mild to “how the F are you still walking.” My hip creates this hectic limp that leave little old ladies exclaiming “shame” as I drag my leg past them in the grocery store. (Mind you these ladies have health coverage that has paid for their new hip that lets them dance through the shops like rockets).

I have really good days, where I ride, dance, walk 20K steps and no one would ever suspect the train wreck going on inside of me. Honestly, I am tough, a powerhouse of motivation when I can get my pain onto the back burner and focus o what my life was intended to be.

Then, I have the other day. Getting out of bed is a shaky and a nearly impossible event. I limp across the house, (or some days I just don’t bother). I roll directly onto my floor, where a mohair rug and yoga mat waiting for me. If I can reach my cell phone, I turn on guided meditation and knock out a side plank or 4, to get dopamine flowing so my other half doesn’t have to listen to me sob, feeling hopeless about my condition. I have mastered the art of crying undetected. It is a terrible chore for anyone who lives with a Chronic Pain Sufferer to have to sink and rise with the waves of pain.

The difference between the good and not so great days is like living in a lottery ball machine. You never know how the numbers will draw, so you hope, pray and often learn to accept the predictable bad news that today, is not going to be an easy day to limp through. Then you rise to the challenge of kicking pain directly in the B …

IF you would like to know more about me and my people empowering/horse training system, you can find me at:

www.heartfelthorsemanship.co.za

https://www.facebook.com/jamielynnweigel

Instagram and Twitter at Heartfelt Horsemanship

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I recently heard a colleague describe the difference between what she does and what I do as “Jamie doesn’t let anything slide.” Better said, I stick to the plan! It keeps horses and humans safe, as a priority. Aside from a mountain of experience and education, separating us, she was correct. I don’t let things “slide,” when it comes to horses and my students. Why, because not all bones heal and that can dramatically shorten anyone’s life span. This is how I dramatically shortened mine. What I do with horses is a system, it is easy to follow and when employed with even a half assed attempt, works every single time. It did not work that day because I allowed someone who knew nothing about training troubled horses tell me my system had no place with their horse and they would tell me how to do my job. This, was the epic F-up that would change my life forever. If compromise can be defined as a way of everyone making concessions, then it is likely the wrong word. What really happened that day was I was strong armed, belittled and intimidated into doing the wrong thing for my own safety and most importantly the well-being of the horse involved in breaking my hip. The day of my accident I knew, before I even left the stable that my life was in danger. I will use the word “compromise,” as a descriptive term, but in fact, the only compromise that was actuated that day was my safety and the well being of the horse involved. How did I compromise? By the use of the word FINE. F-#$%ed up I -nsecure N- eurotic Emotional or egotistical My head was F-ed up, because I was mismanaged by neurotic people, advised by an egotistical trainer. My emotional state was worn thin and that is how the “compromise” took place. I allowed myself to be intimidated into getting onto a horse that I knew needed more cautious training. I compromised with the famous last words, that could not have been farther from the truth – FINE, it’s your horse, and I will do just what you have asked and - It will be fine! The thing is, I was a very experienced trainer, who specialized in Natural Horsemanship and troubled horses who have been bullied into ruins. The chain of events that led me to this point is a long, tragic story. While all I needed to do was accept that I would be fired, and that I would find another situation, my ego and the emotional state took over. Because of my ego and anxiety, I took the ride that day. In my head I screamed, “fine, it’s your horse, I am just your work rider.” The whole time I knew that what I was asked to do with the horse was all wrong. I knew that she could not handle the conditions. I knew the only way I was going to survive was to follow my system. And I chose not to. For fear of losing a job, I chose to do the absolute wrong thing. I chose to not stand up for myself, for the horse and for the system of training that had never failed me. The result was a horse rearing, throwing herself over on top of me and crushing my already broken spine, hip and pelvis into an outcropping of rocks. No helmet or body protector could have stopped what was absolutely not a freak accident. Once the wreck was over. I somehow got to my feet, collected the horse, walked her 500 meters back to her stable. Head hung in shame because I failed my own system by not every employing it. And this, the story of my broken hip serves as a daily reminder as to why I will never “compromise” or “let things slide” ever again. My hope is to share my story of recovery, including the mental, emotional and physical aspects of making a comeback from “compromise.” Jamie Lynn is Lead Instructor Of Heartfelt Horsemanship Lions River, KZN South Africa Please like and follow my blog to be updated on new stuff! You can find out more about here horsemanship program through Facebook, YouTube, Instagram and the website www.heartfelthorsemasnhip.co.za or https://www.facebook.com/HeartfeltPerformanceHorsemanship/

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When you love what you do and need the free use of your body to do it, chronic pain is an encumbrance.

A life of Chronic pain can kick your ass if you allow it. But, I have to say that succumbing to chronic pain is a matter of choice. The last year of my life I made a choice. I decided to not allow my broken body to own my freedom anymore. 

This is me, starting my very special colt after 10 months of intense mindfulness conditioning, physiotherapy and work with a Bio coach. In short, this is me, taking my life back. 

I have books to write, horses to ride and most importantly a team of horsewoman to inspire world domination into. 

If you would like to read more of my story, please like and follow so that you can receive updates on new stuff!