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[jamielynnheartfelt-blog]

Kicking Pain in the Balls

What do my days look like if I don’t look like I am going to die?

My Chronic pain differs from sufferer who has no pathology of injury or illness. I have broken my back, hip, nose, and toes a few times as well as survived West Nile Menegitis (and possibly EEV) and Malaria. Needless to say, the spine and spinal cord are a wreck.

But, because I am a fit, attractive and energetic horsewoman, I too am treated like a drama and drug seeking crazy woman because I do not “look” like I am suffering. I suppose if I gained 50 pounds and refused to get out of bed I would be seen differently by doctors. Though it would likely be treated as depression and still offer no help with broken bones.

My injuries are extensive. Most of my spine is bent and twisted. I have fractures ranging from mild to “how the F are you still walking.” My hip creates this hectic limp that leave little old ladies exclaiming “shame” as I drag my leg past them in the grocery store. (Mind you these ladies have health coverage that has paid for their new hip that lets them dance through the shops like rockets).

I have really good days, where I ride, dance, walk 20K steps and no one would ever suspect the train wreck going on inside of me. Honestly, I am tough, a powerhouse of motivation when I can get my pain onto the back burner and focus o what my life was intended to be.

Then, I have the other day. Getting out of bed is a shaky and a nearly impossible event. I limp across the house, (or some days I just don’t bother). I roll directly onto my floor, where a mohair rug and yoga mat waiting for me. If I can reach my cell phone, I turn on guided meditation and knock out a side plank or 4, to get dopamine flowing so my other half doesn’t have to listen to me sob, feeling hopeless about my condition. I have mastered the art of crying undetected. It is a terrible chore for anyone who lives with a Chronic Pain Sufferer to have to sink and rise with the waves of pain.

The difference between the good and not so great days is like living in a lottery ball machine. You never know how the numbers will draw, so you hope, pray and often learn to accept the predictable bad news that today, is not going to be an easy day to limp through. Then you rise to the challenge of kicking pain directly in the B …

IF you would like to know more about me and my people empowering/horse training system, you can find me at:

www.heartfelthorsemanship.co.za

https://www.facebook.com/jamielynnweigel

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