incorrectnightwing

[incorrectnightwing]

Stephanie Brown: You fuckers don't know about my knife stick. It's a knife taped to a stick and it's the ultimate weapon.

Tim Drake, not looking up from his computer: Spear.

Steph: BLOCKED

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Wally West: I need to tell you something. *glances suspiciously at the rest of the Titans in the room* Read my thoughts.

Dick Grayson: I don't know how to do that.

Wally: Yes, you do.

Dick: No.

Wally: Ready?

Dick: Fine.

Wally:

Dick:

Wally:

Dick: Waffles.

Wally: My god, that's crazy, that's exactly what I was thinking. Okay, that was just a test. Here it is, ready?

Dick: All right.

Wally:

Dick:

Wally:

Dick: Still waffles.

Wally: Damn it. I'm really hungry. Okay, one more time.

Dick:

Wally:

Kori: Why are you gazing into each other's eyes?

Wally and Dick: ...

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Bruce Wayne: You're acting like a child, Dick

Robin!Dick Grayson: I AM NOT ACTING!

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Tim Drake: Did you crash the Batmobile?

Stephanie Brown: I'll give you a hint: yes.

Tim: Do you know how hints work? Because it's not like that.

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Stephanie Brown, showing up to a Wayne Charity gala: Look, Tim, I know that you have very definite expectations for this evening.

Tim Drake: What do you mean?

Steph: Well, you sent me an email on the fifth saying, 'Stephanie, I have very definite expectations for this evening.'

Tim: Right, to which you responded, 'Slumber party, nudie times, drinky-drinky.'

Steph: That's my out-of-office reply.

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Bruce Wayne: Who are those people?

Alfred Pennyworth: They're just people, sir.

Bruce: That's the worst kind! We don't know them. Something's off. Plus, we don't know them. And we'll have to talk to them.

Alfred: It's called being an adult, Master Bruce. You should try it sometime.

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*in the Batplane*

Stephanie Brown: Let's see what vital part's fallen off the old girl this time. Ahh!

Dick Grayson: What is it?

Steph: Shall I tell you an interesting thing about this thin metal tube full of petrol we're flying hundreds of miles above Gotham?

Dick: What?

Steph: It's on fire.

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Bruce Wayne, trying to go over the case of a murder victim but very confused: Tim, why are you wearing sunglasses in the Cave?

Tim Drake, wearing sunglasses to cover up his black eye that he got last night because there was no patrol but he and his siblings went for a joyride in the Batmobile and events led to his head slamming into the steering wheel: uhhhh

Dick Grayson, very desperately trying to hide this fact from Bruce because he's supposed to be the responsible elder sibling: B, if I may. Tim spoke to us all about a week ago about wearing sunglasses to all murder briefings moving forward to show respect for the dead. I simply forgot. And Jason refused because he has no value for human life.

Jason Todd, very much enjoying watching his brothers squirm but playing along because it's definitely his fault Tim's head slammed into the steering wheel: It's true, I don't.

[incorrectnightwing]

Batman: You brought a date to a crime scene?

Nightwing, holding Kid Flash's hand: It was either this or ice skating.

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Jason Todd, shoving the Batmobile's steering wheel into a cabinet in the Cave: Are you seriously checking your email right now?

Tim Drake: I get productive when I'm nervous!

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Bruce Wayne, entering the kitchen covered in glitter: I assume you realize this type of idiocy will not be tolerated in the Manor.

Stephanie Brown, professional menace: Is there another type of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

Jason, (un)professional menace: Ignore him. Any type of idiocy is tolerated in the Manor as long as Alfred doesn't have to clean it up. If it wasn't, Brucie here would have had to move out a long time ago.

Bruce, sighing heavily: why did I choose to have children

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Tim Drake: You assaulted that man!

Jason Todd: Fine, I won't do it again.

Tim: Yes, you will!

Jason: all the more reason this debate is pointless.

[incorrectnightwing]

Batfamily, Wayne Family Adventures Model + text posts (and other stuff) pt3 (masterlist)

ps. you gotta click on some of them in order to read cause I had to make some of the text posts kind of small in order to fit the format. sorry about that!

[incorrectnightwing]

Dick Grayson: What isn't clear is why people always say 'goes without saying,' yet still feel compelled to say the thing that was supposed to go without saying. Doesn't that bother you?

Bruce Wayne: No???

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Dick Grayson, calling Jason: Are you in my apartment?

Jason Todd: Please, I haven't snuck into your apartment in weeks. Which reminds me, you're all out of peanut butter.

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Jason Todd: ...and that's why I was putting that body into the trunk of the Batmobile.

Tim Drake, traumatized: We need to tell Bruce about this right now.

Jason: No can do. This is beyond important. Just give me a few days. You're the only person in the world I trust. So you know what this means?

Tim: What?

Jason: We're in a trust circle, replacement.

Tim: No, no, I want out of the trust circle.

Jason: There are no doors in the trust circle, Timbo.

Tim: What about Dick?

Jason: That would be a trust triangle. Don't make this more difficult than it already is, okay? You have to promise me you're not going to say anything to Dickface or Bruce.

Tim: Fine, I promise. But only for a few days. And only for the sake of the trust circle.

Jason: Good enough.

<<<>>>

Bruce, when he inevitably finds out: But wait, two people can't be a trust circle. That would just be a trust line.

Tim: Oh I'm sorry I was too panicked about the dead body to argue geometry!

Jason: Yeah, it's not his fault he's an idiot and can't handle blood.

Tim: I'm gonna murder you. Also I'm now telling Oracle to post any secret I find out about you on twitter immediately.

Bruce, pinching his nose: Boys, please, the body?

Jason: Oh, Dick already took care of that.

Bruce, very stressed: What does that mean??

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Batman, going over the facts of a new case in the Cave: The man had just filed for bankruptcy with his business partner Brian Sampson.

Nightwing: Sampson, that's a great name. Straight out of film noir. An old detective who drinks hard but loves even harder. Or, go with me here, Sampson, a tiny little orphan mouse who must find his way home to Wolverhampton.

Red Hood: Or Samson, the legendary figure from the Bible?

Nightwing: No, that doesn't work. All those guys have names like Ben-hur and Prometheus.

Red Hood: You have never read the Bible, have you?

Nightwing: Excuse you, there's Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan, Deu...... the right thing.

Red Hood: I'm going to kill you.

Red Robin and Signal: *dying of laughter*

Batman: *tired sigh*

.....

Later

Dick Grayson, crawling through Steph's window: Let me ask you something. What's the first thing that pops into your head when I say Sampson?

Stephanie Brown, without looking up: A vacuum you can use in space.

Dick: Thank you.