#zombie mom my beloved

[nothoughsheadempty]

Colored sketches of Catelyn, I'm not too happy with them but I'm pretty busy right now, so I'll call it a day.

[banj0possum]

Can we get a zombie horde with a gn! Reader where their abusive family finds them again?

after years of inactivity im fucking back ! sorry for the long long wait but at least im able to put out a few more fics !

Zombie Horde!Reader's Abusive Family Finds Them Again

CW: verbal abuse, abusive family, (mentioned) being rejected food

💀 You haven't always been alone in your travels, in fact, you were with your family when the outbreak happened. But to be fair, you never liked your family..

💀 They would always bully you, boss you around, even put the blame on you whenever something bad happened, the torment didn't end even when there were zombies banging on your doors!

💀 In fact, because of the virus, they got even more cruel to you.

💀 They would take away your food rations for any small mistake you did, make you take the night watch for days on end, even send you out to get supplies just because 'you talked back that one time'!

💀 You couldn't take it anymore and left, knowing anywhere would be better than being stuck in a house of people who did nothing but torture you.

💀 You thought you were safe from them, cuddled up with Ribs in your bed as the others wandered around the abandoned mall, but it all came back when you heard a familiar voice shout out your name from the distance..

💀 "(Y/N)?! I know you're here you runt!"

💀 It was your dad...

💀 Ribs sat up as soon as he heard it and snarled, crawling out of bed and going out to see the commotion.

💀 Your heart raced as you followed him, but it was hard to walk with your body trembling at the thought of seeing him or any of your family again.

💀 "Jesus there's four of them!" "What are you waiting for you stupid bitch?! Shoot em!"

💀 It seems your mom was also there..

💀 You run the broken escalator and see the horde fighting with your family, gunshots ring throughout the mall as you see your beloveds blasted with bullets.

💀 You weren't scared though, they were dead after all, but it was still heartbreaking seeing them get hurt.

💀 You pick up a nearby rock and throw it at your dad to get his attention away from the boys. They all look at you, your family glaring at you while the horde coos at your presence.

💀 "(Y/N) you come here right this fucking second we're coming home!" Your mother shouts at you, walking over angrily and grabbing your arm strong enough to leave a red ring.

💀 Bo fumes and pulls her of you "You stay away from my mate ya hear me?!" he growls.

💀 "It talks?!" She yelps as your dad comes over as well. "Mate? Don't tell me you're hangin out with these monsters! Are you that much of a dumbass?!" he scolds you.

💀 You shrink, knowing whatever you say will make things worse..

💀 "Why you little whore.." Your dad growls, about to slap you, but Screw runs over and pushes your dad away, sending him back a few feet.

💀 Ribs and Soda smile and clap as Bo and Screw help you up.

💀 "You ok darlin?" Bo asks you in a sweet tone. "Is your arm ok? Does is hurt? Do you need a bandaid? I have a pink one with a cat on it.." Screw looks at the mark your mother gave you.

💀 You smile and assure them everything's ok.

💀 "Fucking freaks..(Y/N) do you hear me?! Get your ass up and let's go!" Your dad yells at you again as he stand up.

💀 "They're not going anywhere mean guy!" Ribs growls at him.

💀 Your mom is to the side next to Soda, she sneers at him and he looks back at her, giving her the middle finger, making her scoff and look away.

💀 In a shaky tone, you ask how they found you. You've cut off contact with them for months, there was no way they could find you..

💀 "Hah! Your dumbass thought you were just some person in the middle of nowhere? Half the state knows about your little talkin freak boyfriends!"

💀 You look down in shame as Bo and Screw comfort you "I think it's about time you folks leave..." Bo says, glaring at your parents.

💀 "Oh no you're not kicking us out! We came all this way to get this ungrateful little leech back! We gave them shelter and this is how they repay us?! You should've learned your place and stayed put!" he berates you. You finally snap and yell back at him, telling him all the things you've endured in their household, how you were treated like dirt every day, how you were much better off without them.

💀 Finally you firmly tell them to leave, pointing to the exit as you look at him with no fear left in your eyes. He scoffs "Fine..go get killed on your own then! Don't come to us for any fucking help!" he yells as he leaves, your mom in tow.

💀 Ribs laughs at them as they leave while Soda smiles at you.

💀 After the whole interaction, you were completely exhausted, the boys huddling up with you to calm you down.

💀 You give them all well-deserved kisses for protecting you, they all coo and chirp at the affection and kiss you back.

💀 "Do you still want that bandaid?" Screw asks you softly.

💀 You say yes.

this one was pretty short but expect more fics to be sent soon ! love you guys and remember that youre awesome and amazing !

[factorygirlsstuff]

Currently watching: Brewing Love, Family By Choice, Love Game in Eastern Fantasy & When the Phone Rings.

I started watching kdramas in May 2023 (updated 4/17/24)

My personal top 10:

It’s Okay to not be Okay (top fav) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A road to emotional healing opens up for an antisocial children's book author and an employee in a psychiatric hospital. (amazing chemistry & found family)

Crash Landing on You ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A paragliding mishap drops a South Korean heiress in North Korea - and into the life of an army officer, who decides he will help her hide. (lots of crying but worth it)

Hometown Cha Cha Cha ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

At a crossroads, a dentist moves to a seaside village where she meets a handyman intent on helping his neighbours. (my most rewatched)

Her Private Life ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Dedicated art gallery curator Sung Deok Mi is a fanatic fan girl of White Ocean's Cha Shi-an, a dark secret she hides from everyone. (really supportive relationship, weird last couple of eps)

Business Proposal ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

In disguise as her friend, Ha-ri shows up on a blind date to scare away her friend's prospective suitor. However, plans go awry when he turns out to be Ha-ri's CEO and he makes a proposal. (my first kdrama! Super cute & funny)

Touch Your Heart ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A famous actress, gets caught in a scandal with a son of a rich family; with her career declining quickly, she looks for one last hope to get back on the screen. She lands a role playing a secretary in a drama & then becomes a real secretary in order to play the part. (Healthy relationship, office romance)

Welcome to Samdalri ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

After suffering a fall from grace, a photographer returns to her hometown and bumps into her childhood friend, rekindling an unfinished romance. (childhood friends to lovers & slice of life/healing)

Happiness ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

The residents of a high-rise apartment fight for their lives against a deadly infectious disease while Sae-bom and Yi-hyun try to find the person because of whom the virus spread. (I think I really love friends to lovers)

Something in the Rain ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

When a single career woman reunites with her best friend's younger brother after he returns from three years of working abroad, their efforts to reconnect grow into romance. (they just felt so real to me, the romance was 🤌🏼, worst mom)

Cheer Up ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

A working-class girl joins her college's down-and-out cheerleading team, where she finds friendship, love, and an old-school campus mystery. (idk they felt real too, worst SML though)

Other kdramas I finished:

Healer ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (binged in 2 days)

What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (love PMY)

Love to Hate You ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (Maybe I binged it too fast, but I don’t remember it lol)

Our Beloved Summer ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ (too slow for me & I usually don’t mind slow)

True To Love ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (main leads romance was everything)

Forecasting Love & Weather ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (something was off/missing)

Vincenzo ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (🫰🏼)

When the Weather is Fine ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (kinda slow but I binged it fast lol)

Squid Game ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

All of Us are Dead ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (I like zombie shows)

Alchemy of Souls ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

Alchemy of Souls: Light & Shadow ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (the romance 🫰🏼)

Suspicious Partner ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (dragged in the middle but loved this couple)

Save Me ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (so good, just hard subject matter)

Shooting Stars ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (loved the main couple so much & so many other cute couples!)

Doona! ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (omg her visual, binged so fast)

Itaewon Class ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (binged so fast)

Descendants of the Sun ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (binged in 2 days)

Castaway Diva ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (first kdrama to watch while airing)

The Matchmakers ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (first sageuk, thought they were adorable)

Crazy Love ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (it was good, but didn’t do it for me 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Moving ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (I didn’t like all the flashbacks, but it was good overall)

Backstreet Rookie ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (for some reason I loved this couple so much, problematic SML & annoying SFL)

School 2017 ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (just perfect)

Dalie and the Cocky Prince ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (the pet names 🥰)

Soundtrack #1 ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (another friends to lovers)

Behind Your Touch ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (idk why but I loved it, it was so funny to me lol)

Thirty But Seventeen ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (great romance & cutest found family)

Kiss Sixth Sense ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (really liked it, last 20 minutes idk 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I Am Not A Robot ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (loved this, dragged a little in the middle)

My Man is Cupid ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (SML annoyed me, the cutest ending 🥰)

Gyensong Creature ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (I liked it, but it didn’t end I guess. So I’m waiting for season 2)

Cafe Minamdang ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (loved it so much! It made me laugh & loved the FL!)

My Man is Cupid ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (it was cute)

Marry My Husband ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (it was a lot of fun & loved watching it weekly with everyone)

My Holo Love ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ (it was fine, only 12 eps so it was quick & slow burn romance.)

Queen of Divorce ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ (it started off really interesting, but some things were never explained & I wanted more romance between the leads)

Doom at Your Service ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (I really liked it, the romance was SO good, but I was a little confused about how the contract worked.)

Doctor Slump ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (loved it SO much! Everything was so cute & loved the romance)

Flex x Cop ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (really loved it, gave me Castle vibes. #1 drama I was looking forward to every week. No romance, although we are getting a 2nd season so fingers crossed.)

Chicken Nugget ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ (it was definitely weird, but I laughed a lot)

Wedding Impossible ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (really liked it, cute romcom)

Fight For My Way ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (loved it so much, binged it in a day! I could not stop watching, friends to lovers really is the best.)

Rookie Cops ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ (really liked it at first, put on hold for a month, then the last few episodes were good again.)

Parasyte: The Grey ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (it was really good)

Mad for Each Other ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (so good! Loved everything about it, especially the couple)

Dropped: (I might try again 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Run On

Goblin

Hotel De Luna

Weight Lifting Fairy, Kim Bok-joo

King the Land

My Demon

True Beauty

The K2

Destined With You

The Story of Park’s Marriage Contract

Perfect Marriage Revenge

Moon in the Day

A Good Day to be a Dog

Open to recommendations!

[zahri-melitor]

Today in Tim and Damian parallels that they have obviously never discussed: Robin #12 (2021) and Nightwing #139 (1996).

Damian takes a sample of Lazarus resin to Alfred’s grave, contemplating resurrecting him.

But I can fix that.

Obviously, Damian doesn’t go through with it, and struggles with a hallucination of a dark version of himself.

Talia shows up to find Damian.

"Why didn’t you resurrect him?"

"I’ve seen what the Lazarus Pits do to people. You, me, Ra’s, Mother Soul…they put something dark inside you...I wouldn’t curse Alfred to that. It wouldn’t really be him."

And while this is a lovely sentiment, it’s hysterical, as you’re at LEAST the third of your siblings to struggle with this, Damian. Maybe you could talk to them and they might have had some support and insight???

Because, of course, Tim struggled with this the last time we were playing ‘is Ra’s dead’ as a storyline, during Resurrection of Ra’s Al Ghul.

"Dick...in a world where Jason Todd can come back...then why can't my dad...?" "Tim...I..where does it stop, right? What about your mom, then? My mom and dad? Bruce's...?" "I get the argument...sure...you can't bring back one if you're not willing to bring back everyone. And you can't bring back everyone, so...don't start with one. But in that case--since you know you can't stop all crime...then why bother stopping any at all? Why do what we do then? Sometimes, looking at the 'big picture' can paralyze you, right?"

And so of course famously Tim goes down to the Lazarus Pit and dips out three test-tubes of fluid. Dick tries to talk him out of it.

"Maybe...but you'll always be asking yourself, 'is this really my friend? What about his soul, Tim? How do you bring that back once it's gone...?" "The pit restores that too!" "Yeah...you're right...why don't we go ask Ra's how his soul is doing...?"

Same beats. Same concern over whether the person you get back will be the same. And of course...Tim can't go through with it.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Nothing. I let you make the choice for yourself...because I knew you'd make the right one."

Or, Damian, you could have spoken to your beloved big brother, Dick, who you remember ACTUALLY ATTEMPTING TO RESURRECT BRUCE. As you were there for the fallout. (Well, stuck at home recovering but you got to fight the resurrected zombie clone)

Dick's massive hypocrisy in Batman and Robin #7 (2009) where he doesn't stop to question what they might get back.

"So when we located a potential Lazarus Pit, maybe the last one in the world, what choice did I have? If someone gave you a chance, no matter how small, of bringing back someone you loved. You'd have to take it...wouldn't you?"

Actually no, you didn't have to Dick, you talked Tim out of it only two years earlier, but it's different because it's Bruce for you this time.

"No, it's him. He's always cheated death. It has to be him."

(Spoilers: it's absoutely not)

But I am glad to see that Damian reaches for exactly the same solution and comes to basically the same conclusion that Tim came to over why he shouldn't actually resurrect his beloved family members. (Dick's bad example should have helped him, if Williamson was actually going to acknowledge the parallels he just drew up here. Sadly however...)

Brothers. They're more alike than they like to think.

[steveharrington]

i love your taste in movies, do you have any recommendations for scary movies that are on streaming right now? i just moved and i'm planning to get a library card this weekend but until then i need something to tide me over :)

oh thank you!!! yes! this is just from taking a look around at some of the horror streaming guides i’ve seen online so hopefully these are accurate to which service they’re said to be on!

on netflix:

•train to busan (2016) is an all timer for me that i really think is just a masterpiece. even if you’re a little burned out on zombie media, i still say give train to busan a chance because it does zombies in a way that felt really refreshing and different. the characters in this movie are so well done and it makes me genuinely emotional every time i watch <3

•as above, so below (2014) is such a fun movie like omg….i simply was having the time of my life watching it. really leans into as many scares as it can possibly think of, doesn’t take itself or its subject matter too seriously, genuinely gives me sweaty palms sometimes with the claustrophobia of the paris catacombs. also has the rlly cute guy from cloverfield/super store who i have a big crush on

•some honorable mentions: zombieland (2009) is forever a comfort movie for me, scary stories to tell in the dark (2019) did a genuinely great job imo of adapting the book series, and pearl (2022) is just a great time

on HBO max:

•poltergeist (1982) is an underrated fav of mine <3 weirdly i think of it as like a family friendly horror movie? like i think you could sit down kids in front of poltergeist and they’d generally be okay, which i love and find so compelling in movies that genuinely are scary but also kinda work with younger viewers. feat. the iconic zelda rubinstein

•trick r treat (2007): THEEE halloween movie. its literally a movie ABOUT halloween and about the love of the holiday and the season. genuinely makes me feel so emotional about halloween and the beautiful lovely meaningful holiday it is for so many of us. just a fun campy time, everything ties together in such a clever way, and sam is a little baby. what more could you want?

•honorable mentions: of course the scream franchise (1-4) are classics and so worthy of rewatching, and i’ll recommend open water (2003) because to me it is absolutely terrifying and i find myself thinking about it very often

on hulu:

•the omen (1976) always hits for me. i love this movie and find it so effective in its horror. i LOVE a creepy kid. a bit of the omen trivia: in the final shot, damien wasn’t originally intended to be smiling. he was supposed to look dead ahead at the camera. but the actor was told to be serious and look stern, which made him giggle, so the smile at the end is genuine in that he was trying to suppress a laugh. they kept it because it came across so sinister and tonally perfect in the context of the movie :)

•sea fever (2020) listen no one EVER talks about this movie but i was blown away by it. ocean horror is one of my moms fav subgenres so if we can find a horror movie about the ocean you better believe we will be watching. i thought the concept of this movie and its monster (? if you can call it that) were so fresh and original. compared to its predecessors like leviathan or deep star six, i honestly think sea fever is more effective in its scares

•honorable mentions: hulu has so many good choices! alien (1979) and the fly (1986) are obviously beloved classics for a reason. also if you’re looking for a series, castle rock is near and dear to my heart and is very well done

on prime:

•hell house llc (2015) is another one of those classic Halloween movies to me like it truly is a love letter to the holiday…mwah. found footage is my fav subgenre and this movie does it very well. it has one of the most effective scares that truly took my breath away upon first watch and stuck with me ever since

•10 cloverfield lane (2016): ohhh the cloververse my beloved….i often speak highly of cloverfield (2008) because it’s one of my absolute favorite movies of all time, but i don’t as often talk about 10 cloverfield. not sure why tbh because i love it as well! holy FUCK john goodman is scary in this. it truly sets up a horrifying situation, does so much with a small limited environment, and again john goodman has me shakin in my boots. you don’t have to have seen cloverfield to watch this one! you can watch em out of order no problem

•honorable mentions: of course the thing (1982) is immaculate and gets me every single time. just getting reports right now that lisa frankenstein (2024) is already on prime, HIGHLY recommend, wish i could go back in time to the day i watched this in theaters alone in a new windbreaker i had just thrifted and felt so at peace

honorable streaming service mention: shudder is worth a subscription if you’re wanting to go all in on horror this halloween season. it’s got such a fun eclectic collection and amazing movies like late night with the devil (2024) and series like history of horror

[petewentzsvaginabones]

Proper Introduction

Sup i’m Max

About me: i’m the #1 mike fuentes hater, extremely socially awkward, some sort of puppy boy (not in a furry or therian way even tho y’all are cool asf, those are just kinda the vibes 🤷‍♂️) i’ve been told that i’m pretty odd :) /ref

‼️‼️‼️I AM A MINOR‼️‼️‼️

important dates and shit:

Deftones- March 28th 2025

MCR- August 15th 2025

status: off.

Current Vibe: so done with everything.

song that fits the vibe:

DNI- Racists, Homophobes, Bigots generally unpleasant people, anyone younger than 13. I block freely lol

more shit under the cut cuz this is long

any random blurbs abt life or fandom/bandom shit go under #occasionally ace rambles

my mom is @whats-a-girl-to-do

my beloved is @randomslinky

Sexuality: GAYYYYYYYY (bisexual, homo-romantic, aroace-flux)

Gender: Dude (ftm)

my silly little issues: Chronic joint pain, autism, depression, anxiety, anger issues

current hyperfixations:

dan and phil

P!ATD (pre-split ofc)

SOAD

past hyperfixations:

the grinch

monster high

anime (mha demon slayer ect)

cavetown

hamilton

greek and norse mythology

satanism

catholicism

cults

ghosts

sewing

crust punk fashion

scene fashion

scene music

It (2017, 2019)

SFX makeup

Gorillaz

stranger things

gravity falls

cirque du freak

asl

Harry Potter (i was 8)

beetle juice the musical

heart stopper

the little mermaid

SIX the musical

FOB

Queen (band)

The Beatles

Goth music and culture

favorite media:

Will Trent (books and show)

BBC Sherlock

Heartstopper

Dan and Phil (DanAndPhilGAMES, DanAndPhilCRAFTS, Daniel Howell, AmazingPhil)

Kaos

Cirque Du Freak

the Saw franchise (i’ve watched all of them at least three times)

Childs Play/the Chucky movies

Coraline

Nightmare Before Christmas

The Black Parade Is Dead!

Heathers (musical and movie)

The Crow (1993)

Bohemian Rhapsody

A Hard Days Night

Beetlejuice (musical and first movie)

Hamilton

Six The Musical

Shrek (1, 2, 3, and the musical, 4 is bs and unhappiness)

Flatliners (the one with Kiefer Sutherland)

RHPS

Bodies (netflix show)

special interest: Music (playing and listening)

bands/artists I listen to:

MCR, PTV, SWS, Paramore, Blink-182, Green Day, Misfits, Ramones, The Cramps, Radiohead, Pixies, FOB, FIR, Weezer, Nirvana, Deftones, Frank Iero, The Beatles, Queen, David Bowie, Roger Taylor, George Harrison, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, The Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, Elton John, Wings, Pink Floyd, Gorillaz, Dolly Parton, SOAD, Tame Impala, Peter Gundry, Lil Darkie, Rob Zombie, McCafferty, The Cure, TV Girl, Dead Original, Grateful Dead

Instruments I play: Piano, guitar

fun fact: idk bro i’m actually boring asf

me lolz

[microcrutons]

little art dumb

Beloved Cat mom

Zombie bunny

LaLamf my gluttonous lamb

[misguidedasgardian]

Wildcats (The Exterminators Inc)

O. The Exterminators Inc.

A special chapter for Wildcats TWD au

MASTERLIST

Summary: How, against all odds, acquired the skills to survive this long.

Pairing: None for this chapter 

Warnings: Zombie apocalypse AU, living dead, zombies, guts, blood, guns, injures, DEATH, use of heavy artillery, religious remarks, discussions about domestic accidents with guns, might miss some warnings

+18, MINORS DNI

Notes: This is some sort of backstory for the reader, you don’t have to read it though, it might help to understand chapter VI. “The season to mourn”, and chapters VII. and VIII. 

“Guns don’t kill people, people kill people”, he said lightly

“My mom traumatized me when I was young, always telling me this horror stories about accidents in the home with kids and guns”, he hummed

“And they are true”, he answered, he walked towards you, grabbed you by your shoulders, “but now your life will depend on it”, he said with a grave tone, “you understand?”, you nodded, “grab it, grab it properly”. You did, your hands were shaking, it was heavy, our right index finger twitched when it caressed the trigger. You pointed at the target practice at the end of the warehouse where you were hiding

“It’s shit”, you said shakily, you didn’t really know what to say

“This gun”, he said, “it’s what might save your life in the world out there, do you understand?”, you nodded, “do you?”

“Yes”, you muttered

“You shoot it, this piece of metal won’t do anything you won’t tell her to do, alright?”, you nodded, “now take out the safety”, you did, as he had instructed you earlier, “you handle the gun, the gun doesn’t handle you, it’s an instrument, to your will, get it?”

“I GET IT!”, you said, exasperated

“Do it then, again, disarm it, arm it, secure it, take off the safety, and shoot again, and then we’ll move to the AK’s”, he commanded. You watched him walk away from you and to your friends, or rather, teammates

Last weeks had been so surreal you didn’t even know what was going on. You were at a freaking airport when it happened. From a second to the next all the planes were grounded, you had even surrendered your bag to be stored inside the plane, you were in the freaking boarding room when it broke in the news.

They let you leave, or rather, they couldn’t contain all the people, you took a van with several others back into the city, yet, you never made it.

You were stuck in the highway, and you ran again.

You were trapped inside a Bass Pro shop for a week, and it was a well seeked place because it had all the necessary utilities to survive out there,in the wild. Of course, back then you never realized how lucky you had been, nobody really knew what this was about, but you took a first aid kit, some tools, and your beloved ax.

You then end up in a “refuge”, impulsed by the last attempts of a government the US had.

You had a small group of soldiers who rested inside that huge warehouse, rested at night and fought the living dead in the daylight, protected you.

That’s when the army fell, that is when they bombed the city. The Warehouse were in the outskirts, luckily

Everything fell like dominoes after that.

From the group of fifty men only one survived.

Wyatt, he would make you call him Mayor. You had actually befriended him, he was older than the rest, the leader of his battalion. Sergeant maybe.

And soon he was going to become the leader of yours.

The refuge was overrun on the 30th day.

Mayor took you and three more out of there, when the dead took the warehouse as their own.

You were kind of forced to go back to the city. hold up in an abandoned building, clearing them out, until you found the perfect one, the entire first floor had been blown out by the bombs they threw to try to eliminate the threat,

But the second, third, fourth, was completely usable, you held up there.

It was like one of the zombie movies you liked.

The most unusual group, an elderly badass, military man, a badass girl who liked computers and mastered the comms, a big man with a heart of gold… and a dickhead with a love for guns and little scruples, who seemed to be in his element.

“You need to learn, pick your weapon, and get to know everything about it, when you do, you’ll only need to pick it up to know if it’s charged or not, and if you good enough, maybe even tell how many bullets are inside” he kept saying out loud, “this isn’t a movie, you will count your shots, got it?”, he said then, “that might save your life, that might be the difference between life and death, to know how many shots you still got in that magazine”

He had trained the fear of guns out of you.

“Today, we are jumping off of buildings”, he said

“You are teaching us parkour?”, you asked, not convinced

“You are some of the least athletic people I know”, he said, “you need to learn these things, climbing can save your life”

You believed “can save your life”, was the most spoken phrase of Mayor, and you always smiled when he said it.

You were never the star athlete of any group you had been in, including this one, of course Baer would jump up and down and was like a ninja, but you?, you struggle to get up a half wall of 1mtr. You were in deep shit, you had been lucky so far, but things could turn quickly.

It was some of the worst weeks of your life, at the end of the day you felt like your entire body was aflame, but Mayor taught you how to use your body, your weight, in your own advantage, and even better, he told you that life was not only about the X or Y, but Z as well, vertically.

It was amazing. You felt powerful.

You could climb now, and everything was going to be easier, you were becoming stronger, faster, you could manipulate every gun, or at least the most common ones, and you were not afraid of them anymore.

Mayor taught you everything he knew.

You had always carried a knife, a gun and a weapon of your choice, you had your ax. Your friends all carried weapons, and you began to hunt the dead down.

When you overcome your first horrid impressions it became scary easy to take them down, they weren’t people anymore, the souls weren’t there, they were just corpses moving, it made it even more easier the fact that they tried to kill you.

You discovered quite easy that yo I were a fighter and not a flyer.

All of those you encountered you ended. Mayor had all these weapons from the military, which gave you a cool advantage.

“I always wanted to have one of these”, you said with a wide smile, looking at the beautiful white Toyota Tacoma with black fixings, you had found in a garage, full tank and all.

“Let’s mount the machine gun”, Mayor commanded, as you found a huge one that belonged to the army. And the ammo to go with it.

“With this! we are the exterminators INC”, said Baer, you laughed, “you call us and we’ll…”, he stopped himself on his tracks. Then it suddenly hit… nobody was going to call you, you weren’t saving anyone on the spot… you were sort of… avenging the fallen world.

It took the five of you to do so, to install the huge machine gun, and finally, you had wheels now, to wreak havoc on the dead, and take back the city of Atlanta.

“The world is for the living”, Mayor would say.

Soon you had a reason, a goal, to rid cities from the dead, to give the living a chance, you’d realize that it was you VS them, the living against the dead, to needed to wipe them out, to start fresh, to eliminate the threat as it were.

You’d watch the dead, their behaviors, soon, they started to go on herds, they could enter this state of hibernation, but it could be quickly awaken, and other interesting facts, that seemed too obvious at first, they were attracted by noise, specially noise, and smell, and sudden movements.

You started by the suburbs, killing every fucker that you encountered, it was some sort of training ground so you could move onto the big city, downtown, the real deadzone.

You felt like in one of those cool action movies.

Until you bite more than you could chew.

You were finally moving inside of Atlanta, right in the thick of it.

You were camping in an apartment building that night. You felt like this is the last day you were going to be on this earth, tomorrow you go to hell mouth, in a silly attempt to kill all the dead from the city, at least those who were on the streets anyways.

Amy Jun, the only other girl on the team had found an old city map and was drawing strategies for where to go, and exit routes especially

Mayor actually had made dinner this time, a very protein filled-meal (canned protein, but still),

You were sharpening your ax and cleaning your gun.

Baer was reading an old playboy magazine you found, chuckling every three second. You tried not to pay much attention to him.

And Pope… well…

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to throw away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace”, you heard him mumble, reading his bible by the fire you had set inside a trash can.

“Shut up!”, called Baer, “who are you, the pope?”, he asked angrily. feeling some sort of Catholic guilt you’d supposed?

“Let him read”, you said, as you always found it peaceful, and he read the most meaningful passages anyways.

You got up and exited the apartment, and you went all the way to the roof, to stand some sort of guard

It was surreal, the new world you’d live in, you were in the biggest cities in Georgia, and it was so quiet, you could barely hear some grumbles in the far streets. Everything was in the dark… all of it, the whole scene, was haunting.

You felt Mayor coming near you, you barely looked at hi,

“I don’t understand what am I doing here”, you said quietly, “I didn’t know how to wield a weapon, I could barely shoot”, you mumbled, “before you saved me and trained me”, it was true, in the shelter there was so many people “eligible” for the job, for surviving, for thriving in a world like this.

“You know why I chose you?”, he asked proudly, “I saw it in your eyes…there is something poetic…”, he said, slowly and carefully, “something almost mythical, tragic… about when a good person it's made to do terrible things, with no choice but to execute them”, he said slowly, the words sinking into you, “they say when a good man goes to war… even the devil clenches it’s buttcheeks” , you both kept looking at you and then you both just broke into laughter

“Who said that?!” You said with a grin.

“I did, just now”, he said unapologetically, “All the devils go on the run… when a good man goes to war”, he quoted the real phrase, although you liked the other one better

“I saw it in your eyes”, he echoed, “the resignation”, he said, “the resignation of having to go to war for your very right of being alive”, he said, “that is why I chose you”, he placed a hand on your shoulder and left you.

The very next day was going to be one of the most adrenaline-filled, unbelievable days of your life. The exterminators inc. were in full swing, Baer, as he was the biggest and strongest one, was shooting the machine gun, while Amy, Mayor, and you were shooting your guns and. You were at it for hours, as the loud noises of the guns draw even more fuckers.

It was a very good first day of cleaning. You found a tank, surrounded by fuckers, you cleaned it all up and found good ammo and a couple of granades. That you were going to use the very next day, to draw them out and kill some more.

Although the city was mostly sacked, you still could find some interesting things.

But things went south pretty quickly. they caught you in a close street, you were running low on ammo, the trucks a few blocks away, you had advanced more then you thought and soon you were surrounded.

You opened a hallway to scape the herd, but Mayor he… stood back, screamed for them to get him, and when they did… he blew himself up.

You had played the scenario over and over in your head, wondering time and time again if anything you’ve done could have been done differently, to obtain a different outcome of the situation, but you couldn’t.

The group unraveled after his death

Bear wanted to take over the leadership, but you didn’t trust him, he was immature, he was violent, he wasn’t as smart as he thought himself to be.

The second to go was Amy.

Of course Baer’s strategy was to go guns blazing into that military warehouse, you’d never think you’d find the whole battalion turned.

Again you didn’t have the truck, you were running low on ammunition.

You barely made it out alive

You lost Amy, you could still feel the phantom grip she had on your wrist when they sank their rotten teeth into her.

Baer just thought about her an extra mouth to feed, not that he fed you anyways.

“We can’t keep going on like this”, said Pope, “we need to be more careful”

“This wasn’t my fault!”, muttered Baer, even if nobody said anything, you’d thought about it, “she was careless”

“We were careless” you said, “we went in there blind!”

“We still got ammo”, he defended childishly

“But we lost Amy”, you whispered

“Is not like she did much”, she grumbled under his breath, you felt pope’s eyes on you, watching your reaction, scared of the coming fight

“She was the one who always made sure we have plans, and contingency plans, and escape routes!”, you said, “if it wasn’t for her we’d all be dead already! She was the brains on the team”

“oh yeah?”, he said, with a cruel look on his face, “and what are you?”, the heart you’d thought. But you got quiet. He only laughed cruelly

“You know why he took you with us?”, he asked leaning into you, “because you have a good ass, that’s all”. You punched him so hard in the face he actually stumbled a couple of paces back, grabbing his cheek. You walked away from him, into your room, leaving the door open, you started to pack a bag with your essentials. He followed you in

“What are you doing?”, he asked, enraged

“I’m out of here”, you said quickly

“People like you don’t make it out there”, he mocked, “where are you gonna go?”

“I’ll take my chances, anywhere’s better than here”, you bit out. You saw Pope, watching you from the corner, “you coming?”, you asked him

“I…”, he stuttered, calling your name in an apologizing manner. He was a bit cowardly, he was, and that was alright, but that mistake might cost him, “we will never make it”, he said apologetically

“Yes we will”, you said, “we will never make it with this prick!”, you said, pushing Baer out of your room.l, but he grabbed you, roughly, you swore you felt your life pass in front of your eyes, a ringing in your ears, when you saw him making a fist with his other hand.

Pope grabbed him, quickly. Making him stop

“Why don’t you make us a dinner, uh?”, Baer said, “make yourself useful”

He only chuckled, walking away.

He wouldn’t believe you'd do it.

You looked at Pope wide-eyed

“Don’t go”, he said, and you truly regret leaving him, not Baer, but him

“I will not stay, you, cannot stay”, you said, convinced

“We can go to Grady Memorial, ask for sanctuary there”, he said

“They’ll never take us”, you said back, you had encountered them a while back, “and even if they did, I don’t roll that way”, you did not want to commit yourself to voluntary servitude, thank you very much.

Baer was drunk, fast asleep when you sneaked out, after Pope basically begging you to stay.

But you couldn’t, you were afraid of Baer.

You took everything you could carry in a medium sized backpack, your gun, silencer and ax. And you abandoned the office building where you had been holding up.

You’d thought about taking the truck, but that would be too much.

Baer would hunt you down and kill you if you did.

You found another car instead, but you weren’t the only one, a man got inside it, while you were on the drivers seat, he pointed a gun at you, told you to leave your pack, to leave the car.

You didn’t

You shoot first.

And drove off

Maybe you were downplaying what happened, it’s been weeks, months in which you wondered if you did what was right, abandoning them, leaving to uncertainty, to nothingness, living on your own. Exclusively depending on you, alone.

The only comfort was yourself, your active imagination, your memories, it’s what kept you going, and for some days you found peace in solitude.

But you were growing tired.

You had been going through the woods for weeks on end, some days you couldn’t even find food. You could hunt for shirt with a knife, ax or gun.

Until you found a couple of houses. You found a good bounty, you found… or rather… they found you.

ACN: I don’t know if I managed to accomplish what I was looking for, but stil, enjoy.

[gnomewithalaptop]

10 people I'd like to get to know better tag game! tagged by @luvo27 thanks for the tag bestie <3

last song: don't tell me what to do by joan jett

favorite color: yellow 🌻🌻 she's just got a lil something something, you know?

last book: pride and prejudice and zombies - I don't know if I'm gonna finish it though :/

last movie: the people's joker!! obsessed with her...

last tv show: arcane 😌 love me some fucked up lil lesbians

sweet/savory/spicy: if you're really ambitious you can do all three at the same time (spicy-sweet-salty stir fry my beloved...)

relationship status: uhhhh I'm in the talking/going on dates stage with a girl? actual status is up in the air tho so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

last thing I searched: ...яндекс переводчик. look google translate is so bad at its job okay, a girl has needs

current obsession: manifesting that my current obsession will be finishing my work on time, but currently speaking that's still a lie, so I'll just say DC

looking forward to: my mom might come visit me in march and I think that'll be fun! I'm gonna take her to the history museum <3

bonus topics

favorite drink: there's a cafe near my campus that does lavender raf coffee for two bucks... I know that makes me sound so pretentious, but when I tell you every day I lust after her...

song playing on a loop in your head: uhm. Science Genius Girl (hi-phive Mix) by Freezepop. She's just so tim drake one-year-later coded ✨ (<< lying)

current favorite character: lads you know it's still cassandra cain

fun activity you would like to get into: I wanna get back into kickboxing again!

last video game: legitimately I do think it was Sims 4 from back when EA put the base game up for free three years ago and I got so mad about how it didn't display properly on my laptop screen that I fully gave up and uninstalled the app after fifteen minutes 💀

last comic/graphic novel: Absolute Superman! loving the lois/clark enemies dynamic so far

No-pressure tagging ten people: @vaguelydefinedshapes @ottos-car-shop @toothpastecanyon @astralcurses @comphetkoncass @magicalcreeks @ladybirdbeewrites @franollie @delicious-trash-tree @the-real-couchrat

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Cal can I be greedy for a sec? 💜

🔼🔼🔽🔽◀️▶️◀️▶️🔼🔼🔽🔽◀️▶️◀️▶️

🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♂️

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

Maxi, you can always be greedy!

48 for 🔼:

---

 “Oh, right. That’s weird for you.”

“No kidding!” 

“Sorry,” she blushes.

“Are you okay?” Buck asks, genuinely concerned. “You’re talking a lot. Are you on something?”

Maddie’s face flattens. She purses her lips.

“Gee, sorry to bug you, beloved younger brother who I have been caring for during your long recovery.”

“No!’ Buck protests. “I-it’s not bad. It’s not bad at all. It’s just surprising. You’re, uh, not usually so… Full of stories?”

Maddie holds a contemptuous expression for another beat or two before sighing.

“You’re right,” she admits. “I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately and no one to share it with.”

“Uh, your boyfriend?” Buck suggests.

“I can’t talk to him about everything,” Maddie says. “And you know, it’s still early. We’re not married.”

“Josh?” Buck moves on.

“Great for many things, but not everything.” Maddie says. “For example, I cannot get that guy to go to the mall with me. I don’t have a shopping friend. I haven’t had a shopping friend since university.”

Buck frowns. “I’ll shop with you, Maddie. I just don’t want to think about you or Chim having sex. Ever.”

“You aren’t up for a proper day at an outlet mall.” Maddie says. “But thank you.”

“That’s probably true.” Buck concedes. 

“I think, lately, with more and more distance from Doug, I’ve just been thinking about a lot of the aspects of myself I lost when we were together,” Maddie says. “And one of those things, I think, was having a lot of close friends. Girl friends, really. Which, sorry. Didn’t mean to make you a substitute.”

---

54 for 🧟‍♂️:

---

“I was wary at first too. But, honestly? I think he’s kind of a sweetie.”

“I trust you, Maddie,” Buck promises. “Really.”

“Thanks,” Maddie smiles. She shifts her posture a little. Despite Hen and Chim checking her out and giving her pain killers for her ribs, he can tell she’s in pain. Pain she can’t do much for. 

“Tell me about you,” Maddie says, changing the topic. “I want to know how my little brother ended up in a literal sanctuary at the end of the world.”

Buck smiles softly. “It’s kind of a lucky story. I mean, I’m lucky. Really lucky.”

“No kidding,” she says. “Most people would kill for this.”

Well, they’ve had to. Lots of zombies. A few violent raiders, in the early days. He doesn’t say this part, though.

“Right before the end,” he says instead. “I was dating the head librarian here. Abby. She let us set up here, when things started getting bad. It was supposed to be a community outreach thing at first. But there wasn’t much of a community left.”

“Abby,” Maddie repeats. “I didn’t meet an Abby out there.”

Buck shakes his head. “She’s not… Uh, she’s gone.”

Maddie’s face falls. “I’m sorry.”

Buck shakes his head. “She didn’t die. I mean, maybe she did… I don’t know. She left. To drive to Santa Barbara. To the nursing home where her mom lived.”

“Oh,” Maddie whispers.

“She hasn’t come back yet.” Buck says. 

“Yet?” Maddie asks. 

“I know,” Buck drops his head. “She won’t. But uh… You’re here. So less likely things have happened.”

She smiles at him. But he can tell she’s just trying to appease him. Like everyone else, she thinks Abby is gone.

---

30 for ⚡:

---

 “I don’t need order and routine. I used to live anywhere, work any job. I’m cool.”

Eddie tilts his head to the side a little. “Buck.” 

Buck groans. “Fine. Fine. You’re right. I hate that you can just crack open my head like that.”

Eddie looks smug. “No you don’t. That’s half the reason we’re getting married.”

Buck’s lip twitches. “And the other half is your ass.”

“I knew it.” Eddie chuckles. 

“You’re right,” Buck says again. “It doesn’t matter what happens as long as we get married. I’m sorry for freaking out.”

“Well, I panicked when we started planning the wedding. Fitting you panic now.”

“God forbid no one panics,” Buck agrees. 

“Exactly! Then we might seem too powerful. Intimidating.”

“Wouldn’t want that.” Buck nods sagely. “No one would invite us to their weddings ever again. They’d be too embarrassed.”

---

30 for 🩸:

---

Kim makes a pained noise in the back of her throat at the mention of Shannon’s name. Eddie can’t blame her.

Eddie shakes his head. “That’s not who I see anymore, when I look at her.” 

Sophia takes a deep, shaky breath. Like she’s debating whether or not to trust Eddie. Fair enough. He didn’t trust her with this, either. He should have. He can see that now. 

She lowers the gun. 

Eddie’s shoulders sag with relief. 

“Go,” he tells Kim. 

“He popped my tires!” 

Is she stupid? Sophia is protective and stubborn as hell. She will shoot her. 

“Wreck your wheels,” Eddie grits. 

Kim narrows her eyes at him, but she goes. She grabs her bag from where it lies near Sophia’s feet, leaving her phone in their possession, and goes. The car makes an awful noise as she drives away. 

The moment she’s gone, Eddie drops to his knees in front of Buck. Maddie has opened up his jacket and lifted his sweater, and is in the middle of trying her best to pack his wounds. Eddie shifts so Buck’s head can rest against his thigh, rather than on his jacket balled on the pavement.

“You’re insane,” Eddie accuses. He reaches for Buck’s hand. The right one. The left wrist looks swollen badly. 

“Had to,” Buck mumbles. He’s really pale. He lost too much blood. 

[maskofmilves]

Beloved (Elisabeth Sparkle x Sue)

Words: 1549

Summary: An alternate version of what happened when Elisabeth woke up Sue.

Warnings: Blood and violence, toxic relationship, power imbalance, Sue, love and affection

A/n: me and @eeblouissant came together for our joint slay which is Elisasue brainrot galore and I couldn't appreciate her more❤️

"You're... perfect."

That's all that came out of Elisabeth's mouth when Sue woke up. Splatters of blood were all over Elisabeth's face and coat, and the light-colored carpet was sure to leave a stain. The veins in Elisabeth's neck protruded. It hurt to move any muscle in her body. She looked down at the most beautiful being she'd ever seen. Sue was staring up at her, bloody, confused. She didn't know what was happening.

Elisabeth quickly grabbed the termination syringe and put it into her coat pocket. She didn't want her to know she attempted to kill her. Sue snapped out of her trance and crawled away like a lobster, she got up in shock and stared at the disgusting hermit in front of her. Is this Elisabeth? Holy shit.

"H-hey it's okay- I know I'm not the most friendly-looking gal... it's me, Elisa-"

"Why did you wake me up!"

"I don't know... I'm-"

"How did you get to look like that?"

Elisabeth chuckled sarcastically. "You did this to me you shit!"

"Fuck you I use the time I have! You sit around the place and eat your heart out!"

"Because people like you take away everything good I have going...good for me!"

Sue glanced her up and down and snorted. Elisabeth frowned in embarrassment. She was hunched over and ugly. Unworthy of love. "...had." She scoffed. Her thoughts were racing, she kept forgetting Sue saw the hunchback zombie-looking woman and not who she wanted to be. She wanted to be the woman on that TV who gave your mom a smile whenever she would air each week. Not some horrid monster. She looked away from Sue, feeling the tears flow. She didn't want her to see.

Sue grabbed a paper napkin from the kitchen and wiped her face, hoping to get off her own blood. "Thanks for staining my carpet."

It was her carpet. Not Sue's.

Elisabeth gasped with a hoarse voice "Look at me. I can't go on like this. Just kill me..."

Sue put down the act and slowly walked over to the deformed woman. Gently placing a hand on her shoulder. Instead of pushing her away, Elisabeth brought herself down to her knees, she wrapped her arms around herself like someone else was hugging her. She missed when she wasn't so insecure. It was only when she was at this stage, she started appreciating the old her.

Sue went down with her to the floor. "I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't fucking make up for what you did to me!"

YOU ARE ONE

The voice in her head rang again. Fuck.

"No...no"

Sue appeared confused. "What?"

"We're the same. Baby, we're the same." Elisabeth turned to her holding her face in her hands. "You're not at fault baby...not at all. I'm only to blame. We're one."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She was being genuine.

"You, don't know? The Substance. You came from me? Sue..."

Sue didn't understand a word she was saying. "Are you nuts?"

Elisabeth raised an eyebrow. "I birthed you from my back...because I took the activator...you're not- I don't know what you are. Genetically mutated from me."

"What." She had a dead-eyed look on her face.

"I feed you for one week, you feed me for the other. We switch. Why else do we tie up our tubes so often?"

"You're basically my clone. What did you think you were? Humans don't rip out from a back?" She spat out as she got up and went through the fridge like a bear. As Elisabeth opened the fridge door, a cascade of cool air wafted over her, carrying with it the faint scent of last week’s takeout. She peered inside, squinting against the harsh light, her gaze darting over half-empty containers and wilting greens. The shelves were a chaotic mix of expired yogurt, a lonely carrot, and a single egg, each item a reminder of her recent neglect in the kitchen. With a sigh, she pushed aside a forgotten bottle of mustard and reached for the cheese, hoping to salvage a snack from the remnants of the week. The fridge felt like a treasure chest of culinary regret, but she was determined to eat something—anything—from its haphazard contents.

Sue reached for her shoulder and yanked her away from the fridge, she squinted and slapped her right across the face. "I'm more real than the image of you."

The tension in the kitchen was palpable as Sue and Elisabeth stood across from each other, the bright fluorescent lights casting stark shadows on their faces. Now the air crackled with unspoken grievances. Sue, her fists clenched, hurled a spatula across the room, narrowly missing Elisabeth’s head. “You always think you’re better than me!” she shouted, her voice rising. Sue, her eyes blazing, retaliated by grabbing a dish towel and swinging it like a whip, snapping it against the counter with a fierce crack. “Maybe if you put as much effort into your life as you do into your drama, you wouldn’t be so miserable!”

With each word, the kitchen became a battleground, utensils flying and insults echoing off the walls. Flour dust filled the air as a mixing bowl went tumbling to the floor, and the chaos of their emotions spilled over like a boiling pot. The simmering bond they once had was now reduced to shouts and chaos, both women grappling with their hurt and anger, their voices rising above the clatter of shattered glass. In that moment, the kitchen—a place of nourishment and comfort—transformed into a war zone, where every clash felt like a desperate attempt to reclaim power.

Sue slammed her back into the kitchen cabinet with the ungodly strength she had, twisting her arms back, moving her one hand to Elisabeth's neck. Putting pressure there and squeezing. It felt good to have the creatures life in her hands. Anymore pressure to her collarbone and it'd snap. Elisabeth's back cracked like a rice krispee. Snapped, crackled, and popped. "Why did you wake me up! I was doing so good without you, you disgusting hag."

Elisabeth gurgled and hissed, clawing at the strong grip around her neck. Her airflow slowly being restricted. "Sue-"

"What? You wanna take away everything I've built and throw it away like your life? I earned all of this." She smirked.

"If you kill me- you won't have any spinal fluid left- you fuck-" She spat out. Blood beggining to come up form her throat. Sue's expression softened. Elisabeth knew she had to have some ounce of empathy left in her. She didn't want to go out like this. It would've been a pathetic way to die. "Baby-"

"Don't call me that…" Sue let go of her and she fell to the hard tiled floor. Elisabeth hit her head on the counter and she went down. Elisabeth's head pounded. Blood oozing out of it, her mouth, she just wanted it to end. She sat against the cabinet and rested her head back. Her vision was starting to go blurry, her breaths growing uneven.

Elisabeth tried to wiggle her toes, expecting the familiar sensation of warmth and tingling, but instead, there was nothing—just an unsettling numbness that began to creep up her legs. Panic flickered in her chest, a fluttering moth against the darkness that surrounded her. She pressed her fingertips against her thigh, searching for some sign of life, some reminder that she was still connected to her body. But all he felt was the eerie absence of sensation, as if she were slowly dissolving into the air.

“Focus, just breathe,” Sue muttered to her, but the words felt hollow in the stillness. Elisabeth tried to stand, but her legs felt heavy, as though they were encased in lead. With every effort, it felt like a layer of fog was wrapping around her, thickening and suffocating.

"Fuck fuck I'm sorry I'm sorry oh god I'm-" Sue panicked. She had no control over herself at this point. Tears fell from her angelic face. This really wasn't her fault. She wasn't in control. The Substance was. Sue grabbed a towel from the rack and put it over her bloody wound.

Elisabeth gave her a soft smile. "Sue." She croaked out. Her rotting gums showing. Sue didn't even care at all about her physical apperance. She changed completely in only a matter of seconds it seemed.

"Shut up I can't have you lose more blood than you already have." She cried out. She stroked Elisabeth's neck softly and a lone tear fell on to her lapel. Elisabeth let out a breath, her gloved fingers moving to Sue's face. She was everything and more to her.

"C'mere…hold me". It was almost a whisper. Her words hit Sue right in her thawing heart. "Please."

Sue didn't hesitate. She brought the woman's head into her chest and rested her chin there. She caraessed her back and wrapped her legs around Elisabeth's body. A full-body hug.

Elisabeth realized this is the first time in decades she's been hugged. Truly hugged. It's all she's wanted, to be loved, to be wanted. Now she's got what she needed.

"I'm going to take care of you now."

"Stay with me."

***

"you're beloved so let yourself be loved."

[songbird-oracle]

Live thoughts watching Fantasy High Junior Year episode 5

Spoilers ahead

Im so nervous already about Cassandra

These dudes getting swole

It IS spicy tonight in the dome

Screaming

I WANT A BOGGY KISS

OH FUCK SHES HOLD MONSTERING KRISTEN

THE SECURITY COMING THROUGH OH SHIT

“Do you want me to kill that guy for you 👀” vibes

OH NO PLEASE NO NIGHTMARE KING OH NO OH NO

I’m Shittering my pants rn

No not the girlies!

Located in the astral mall, This place has *everything*. Ripped valley girls, a goddess and prophet and familiar going through a very tumultuous time in their relationship, a frog wearing a paper hat, and a weird ass clock

I live for the hangman banter

Oml I love the Yarrbucks coffee art

LOU HOLY SHIT

BOX OF DOOM DC5!? The stakes are seriously so high though

Okaaaaaaaay 13 works ig

“Does she need scratchies?”

Wooo Murph!!

THE STAR TALKS!?

I love Emily’s reaction to “banging out a 1st level spell”

Riz sadly flossing

Oh no Kristen oh no Cassandra!

No stop attacking Cassandra!!!!

🎶non-a-crits🎶

Thank goodness no failures

Break it up guys come ooooooooon

Damn, man needs strudel with sauce at a time like this

Profiling the minis 🤣

NOT THE TAP DANCING

“I don’t think you’re scared, I think you’re mad. And that’s okay” I’m sobbing

YES THE FUCKING SECURITY DETAIL

Kristen is so low, oh no

A 0 initiative 🥲

FUCK THIS IS WHAT RAGHS MOM ABSORBED!?!? Gorgug is the greatest wizard of our time

Abjurative grammar is prescriptive. Iykyk.

I knew the DC would be high

NAT 20 BEARDSLEY IN THE FUCKING HOUUUUUUUSE

YESSSSS HEALED CASSANDRA 😭

Oh fuck oh fuck bad stars

Let it out Cassandra, feel your feelings

Oh my goodness, philosophers scone

OOP PAUL BLART INTERGALACTIC MALL COP

It’s not the nightmare king??????

41 damage each, damn Adaine

We aren’t even half way through guys

BAHAHAHAHAHHA playful picking on Riz

Mass dispelling?? Damn

????? TUMMY ACHE SURVIVOR????

THE SHRIMP!!!!!!

Why is Fig a walking embodiment of Murphy’s law rn???

WHAT THE FUCK

NO NO NO DID GILEAR STEAL HER LUCK??????

IS THIS QUADRANGLE FUCKERY??????

Okay it’s just a curse

WAIT WHAT???

Cloaca why 😂

Whoopsies, shattered the shatter star

Oh fuck, rage Adaine is scary dude

Is this some rage and revenge deity??

Anyone but Conor

BAHAHAHAHAHA “no no, this is gonna happen”

“Stay hot Conor”

NOT KALINA NO

RAGH??????

Not the shimmy

WHAT IS KALINAS AC

44 DAMAGE??

Old Fabian

Legend has it the wizard is still waiting for his strudel with sauce

WHAT THE FUCK NO NOT CASSANDRA NO NO NO

“Unfortunately stop flossing”

COMPELLED DUEL ON KALINA OH FUCK

3!!!!! Woooooo!!!!!

Worst mall cop ever, Paul Blart would never

🤣 “is that not property damage??”

I’m so scared for Cassandra guys

Kristen and Cassandra are down oh no 🥲

BARDIC SHRIMPSPIRATION

NO NAT ONE NO NOOOOOOOO

Somewhere Katja Cleaver is raging because Conor Counterspell said he hates horses

A ball. Not *the* ball

ARMOR ZOMBIE AND LICH IM LIVING FIR THESE NAMES

Bards and Noble 🤣

Kristen coming in with the hugs

Box of doom has been working hard this episode

Shake out the bad ones

Screaming crying throwing up

I can’t look

Dammit Murph

Ecaf again

“What are you talking about girlieeeee?”

Brendan’s stare scares me

FUCK

Strudel for the win Girlie!!!

“One more roll girlie 🤪”

Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no circle of death oh no

COUNTERSPELL MY BELOVED

“How old are you” “45” “gross”

WAIT WHAT TIME REVERSE TO- TEN SECONDS

Conor, you’re the best secret service agent ever

WHAT????? WHERES CASSANDRA??????

WHAT????????

I’m so fucking scared right now

Wait is Cassandra a triple goddess? Like how Hekate is a triple goddess, is Cassandra one? Cause Cassandra, Nightmare king, and a divine thing that isn’t a different divinity?

I want to enjoy “we got that bad boy buttered” but I can’t 🥲

Dead stare 🥲

I love Hangman 🥹

Feral Murph

NAT 20 SHRIMP JUMP

Thousand yard stare

Best shrimp jump ever

Maximum legend

That’s right, kick flip the system

Fuck KandyKorn Lullaby

See you at Basrars, I’ll be sobbing into my ice cream

[chonkymoth]

wishlist + predictions for s6 of wwdits ✨🕯️🦇🖤

guillermo getting a job + moving out into the garden shack/house is what causes nandor to lose his mind (as per the synopsis for ep 5)

laszlo succeeds in creating a cure for vampirism via his frankenstein experiments—likely chucks it in the bin for one reason or another

sean admitting he's known about everyone being vampires for a while now because hypnosis no longer works on him

laszlo's dad's ghost hitting on doll!nadja (or vice versa)

return of jim the vampire (pls) (laszlo x jim content i am BEGGING)

ambiguous nandermo canon (realistic scenario even though I desperately wish it would just. be canon)

zombie!derek is working wherever guillermo gets hired (panera? per promo pics?)

confirmed marriage between the baron and sire

the guide starts working at the office as well

"swear wolves" reference and/or getting to see anton (my beloved)

reference to/getting to see o'leary and minogue

simon the devious/the cursed hat!

nandor joins a basketball team/more nandor loving basketball content

nandermo's most intense fight yet <3

guillermo's mom calls nandor his bf

colin posts rage-bait on social media to drain ppl

[upsidedownlurker]

The most beautiful, awful Byler crackfic you'll ever read (11,253 words)

Karen Wheeler’s son sits in front of the mirror, dressed in the one black suit he wears to every formal event. His long, curly hair reaches down to his shoulders now that he’s eighteen, all gangly limbs and sharp features. So young and already getting married to his sweetie-pie; Mike reminded Karen of herself. 

Thankfully, the sexual repression seemed to have skipped a generation. Karen’s son, getting married to a woman! A woman! She never thought this day would come. 

Karen loomed over him, hand welded to his shoulder, brandishing her hair-straightener in her other hand like a pair of tongs. “Your hair’s all curly, Michael!” she lamented. “Here, let me straighten it out for you.”

“Seriously, Mom?” 

“What? ” she exclaimed, “It has to be straight for your wedding, Michael!”

“But it’s naturally curly.”

Click-clack went the straightener. Karen smiled, her eyes concerningly wide and her lips shining blood-red. “That can be fixed…” 

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“No!” 

“Ugh! Fine,” Karen said, placing the straightener down carefully and looking to her right. “Now, Ted–”

Ted didn’t look up from the 3-piece chicken combo he was gobbling down. 

“Ted!”

Ted smacked his fingers, happily enjoying his chicken. In response, Karen snatched his last remaining chicken leg and threw it to her right. It hit the mirror, exploding into bits of chicken-y shrapnel and leaving a trail of greasy slime over Mike’s reflection. Mike put his head in his hands. 

Karen continued. “Ted!” 

“What? My damn chicken, Karen–”

“Put your son’s tie on. Family tradition.”

“Fine.”

Ted meandered over to Mike. “Where’s your tie, son?” he grumbled, sticking his hands forward like some kind of greasy-fingered, chicken-chomping zombie.

Mike pulled his head from his hands, and upon witnessing the horrific sight, he immediately flinched away. “No…”

Meanwhile, Ted gazed longingly at his fallen chicken leg. “What is it now?”

“Just no!”

Mike pulled a tie from his pocket. It was hand-painted, covered in shields and hearts. He started to tie it himself, glaring up at Ted as he did so. “Dad, this tie is too precious for you to touch with your greasy chicken fingers.”

“They are not greasy chicken fingers, Michael.”

Karen sighed. “They are greasy chicken fingers, Ted.”

“Eh, whatever.” Ted grumbled, exasperated. After searching unsuccessfully for a place to wipe his greasy chicken fingers, he gave up and rubbed them all over his hair. 

“Better?”

“No!” Mike and Karen shrieked in tandem. Mike rolled his eyes and hastily finished tying his tie. He stroked a single finger over one of the hand-painted hearts and smiled softly. No wedding gift would ever top this. Meanwhile, Karen was reaching for her most precious hair-styling tool. 

“I’m proud of you, Michael,” Ted began, “and I’m still shocked my twink son is going to have a wife.”

Brandishing her beloved hair-straightener, Karen walked calmly towards Ted, unblinking. “Are you now, Theodore?”

“Woah, woah!” Ted started backing away, scared. “What’s this?”

“Theodore, your hair’s covered in chicken grease. It’s not straight anymore. I have to fix you.”

Ted sighed, and let his wife straighten him out again like usual. If only he had another 3-piece chicken combo to distract him. He turned to Mike.

“See what happens?” Ted grumbled. 

“What happens when what?” 

“When you deprive a man of his chicken.”

“What?”

Hair now completely straightened, Ted walked out of the room, mumbling something about crispy chicken skins and eleven secret herbs and spices. Karen put her hand on Mike’s shoulder. She smiled.

“I think it’s time for a photo, Mikey-Wikey.”

“OH FUCK!” Mike screamed as he bolted right out of the room.

Karen rolled her eyes. At least she had her hair straightener to keep her company. 

-

“Are you ready, El?” Will asked for the third time in the last twenty minutes. 

He had been pacing around the room for twelve minutes now. Meanwhile, Eleven was snuggled comfortably between Lucas and Max, the three of them sharing a blanket. El was already in her wedding gown, with her usual plaid shirt underneath. She saw no need to fuss over her appearance any more than necessary– hence, the snuggling. 

“Yeah,” El replied, very content with her current situation. Her brother, on the other hand, looked ready to pass out. “Are you ready, Will?”

“God, no. This could all go so horribly wrong.” He continued pacing. As he did so, the lights began to flicker and objects started floating around the room. Will groaned as the radio buzzed to life, playing a very familiar song by The Cure. “El, could you stop? This prank is getting old.”

Lucas, Max and El groaned. “Will,” lamented El, “I’ve been telling you this isn’t a prank for the past year.”

“Uh-huh,” said Will sceptically. “And I haven’t believed you for the past year. What is it, then, if it’s not a prank?”

“Will, I keep telling you, you have powers .”

“Which makes no sense.”

“Yes it obviously does!” 

“Yeah, sure,” Will said sarcastically, “Sure it does. And my ex-father has a big, gay crush on Ted Wh–”

Suddenly, Will gasped, reaching for the back of his ice-cold neck as all the objects in the room spun wildly out of control, then dropped to the floor. 

Just as they did, Ted Wheeler burst into the room, sweating and panting like a dog. He was followed closely by Mike, who slammed the door behind him, sliding all the way down and falling face-first onto the floor in a crumpled heap. Lucas and Max immediately covered El with the blanket, screeching, “Protect the bride! Protect the bride!”

Mike waved them away, still on the floor and too tired to care. Meanwhile, Ted was surveying the room. There were flowers, makeup, decorations and– food – lying all over the carpet, along with one Mike Wheeler. 

“Why’s all this stuff on the floor?” Ted questioned.

Will sighed, looking pointedly at El. “I have no idea, Mr. Wheeler.” The blanket started to float off of El’s head while he stared at her. “Probably a stupid prank.” As soon as Will looked away, the blanket plonked right back onto her head. 

“Oh my fucking God,” said Max into her hands. Lucas patted her shoulder while sending Will a withering look– but Ted wasn’t even paying attention. Instead, he was kneeling on the carpet, salivating over a KFC Go Bucket that had fallen over. 

“I’ll take this,” he said, hugging it to his chest like a baby and gleefully skipping out of the room. Meanwhile, Mike was still lying in the foetal position. He kept quietly repeating, “Chicken… straightener… tie… why?”

Will crouched next to him. “You okay?”

“No, Will, I’m not okay. I’m never gonna be okay!” Mike cried. “Why do they do this to me? Why do they want to see me suffer?” 

“I don’t know,” Will murmured soothingly, rubbing Mike’s back. 

“What did I do to deserve this batshit insanity, Will? What did I do?”

“I don’t know,” Will continued.

“Mother will never understand why I have to leave.” said Mike. 

“Mhm.”

“The answers I seek will never be found at home.” 

“Yeah.”

“I’ll leave in the morning with everything I own in a little black case–”

“Well, you’ve gotta marry El first.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Speaking of which–” Mike finally sat up to look in his soon-to-be wife’s direction. “You okay under there, El?”

El gave a cheerful thumbs up from beneath the blanket. “I am well.”

“Cool,” Mike said, looking directly at Will. 

-

The wedding officiant stepped up onto the stage, gazing into a very unique sea of faces. Teenagers, adults, an intense young woman with a sawed-off shotgun. She announced, “Welcome everybody, to the wedding of Michael Wheeler and Jane Eleanor Byers.” 

Scattered applause rang out from the crowd, as well as a single cheer from one curly-haired boy. Curiously, quite a few people were either smirking or making very interesting faces. Perhaps the marriage was controversial among the guests– understandable, given the two were so young. 

Really– they would soon be newlyweds, and they were both eighteen! From the officiant’s experience, the couples who got married early fell into two groups: 

Those who had truly found the love of their lives.

Those with very poor decision-making abilities. 

The officiant wondered which group Jane and Mike fell into. The latter was much more common than the former, although… there were always the lucky few. Perhaps she shouldn’t be so cynical. Nevertheless, she continued her introductory speech. “I must ask that everybody acts respectfully during the ceremony. This is a very special day for these young newlyweds.”

Snorting and muffled laughing erupted from the tables nearest to the front. The officiant was going to tell them off, until she saw who the main culprits were. It was Mike and Jane themselves. Jane leaned into Mike’s shoulder while she giggled, and Mike used his hands to muffle both of their laughter. After a moment, Jane was elbowed by a red-headed girl, and a boy with a bowl cut rolled his eyes. 

Finally, they shut up. 

The officiant continued her speech– the same introductory speech she’d given at practically every wedding she’d officiated over the past few years. Her lips moved on autopilot, on pure muscle memory. She wasn’t thinking about her words, because one question plagued her mind: 

What was so funny? All she said was that it was a special day. 

She wondered how long the giggling couple would last. Only time would tell. One thing the officiant knew for sure, was that she’d need a lot of alcohol to get through this night.

“Michael Wheeler, do you take Jane Eleanor Hopper to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

He froze. 

What was he supposed to say? 

Mike instinctively looked to his lifelong friend behind him. Will would certainly know what to do– and wow, he looked so dashing – his suit was fitted to reveal his muscles, golden rays of sunlight beamed across his face, and his gorgeous bowl-cut was lightly tousled by the breeze. His pretty lips opened, and Mike’s lovely view was unceremoniously shattered. 

“Mike! You’re the groom, remember? You’re the groom!” 

Mike looked to his expectant ‘sweetiepie’, then to Will again. Will mouthed, “I do,” gesturing wildly in El’s direction. 

Mike took a deep breath, and turned back around to El, putting on his sunglasses. He cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he said, accompanied by two thumbs-up. 

The officiant looked mortified. Still, she valiantly continued on.

“Do you, Jane Eleanor Hopper, take Michael Wheeler to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Jane made eye contact with Max and immediately snorted, hiding a giggle behind her palm. “Yes,” she said eventually. 

After a lengthy silence and an awkward cough from Dustin, scattered applause burst from the crowd. Except for Ted Wheeler, who was making heart-eyes at the large box of popcorn chicken in his lap. 

“Great!” said the officiant enthusiastically, like a Kindergarten teacher who had just been informed that her student had finally learned to use the potty. “You may now kiss the bride.”

“Great,” said Mike unenthusiastically, staring at Eleven. 

“Great,” Eleven said with an equal lack of enthusiasm. She looked back at Max and Lucas, who motioned frantically for her to lean forward. 

Eleven leaned forward. 

Mike leaned back. 

Eleven leaned forward. 

Mike leaned back. 

Eleven leaned forward. 

Mike leaned back too quickly this time, and he would’ve fallen over if Will hadn’t caught him in his big, strong arms. Wrapping his own arms around Will’s neck, Mike felt a flurry of butterflies erupt from his chest and a blush form on his face– Man, Will truly was a man’s best Best Man best friend. Man. 

“Wow,” Mike breathed, before darting forward to briefly smooch Eleven on the lips. 

Eleven tried to put a hand on Mike’s face, but he shook it off. 

“Mm, no.” He said. 

There was a pause. The room was silent. Then, Eleven smiled. “That was sufficient,” she said, “Goodbye.” 

Eleven pushed Mike away and walked nonchalantly off the altar.

The officiant looked like she’d just witnessed her house get sucked up by a tornado. “Congratulations!” she said with every last shred of enthusiasm left in her tired body. 

As scattered, half-hearted applause erupted again, Will addressed Mike. “Do you want me to put you down now?”

“No,” Mike said, taking off his sunglasses to look him in his pretty eyes. 

Shrugging, Will carried Mike away. Meanwhile, El linked arms with Max and Lucas and they stepped down the altar together, away from any prying eyes. “Do you think they bought it?”

“Oh, absolutely,” said Max, “You said the kiss was ‘sufficient’, Mike let you put your hands on his face for a fraction of a second… No-one suspects a thing!”

Eleven couldn’t tell whether Max was being sarcastic or not. “Bitchin’,” she said, not a care in the world. 

Lucas snorted. “Toooootally tubular,” he said loudly in a Valleygirl accent. 

The three walked away together. 

Still left standing on the stage, the officiant was dumbfounded. How could she even begin to question what was going on here? She hadn’t even told them to leave the stage yet. They didn’t even leave the stage together. They were escorted off by the best man, the maid of honour and the flower-boy. 

What the actual fuck?

The officiant sighed. She needed a drink. To the open bar!

-

After everything was said and done, Ted Wheeler immediately made a beeline for the all-you-can-eat buffet. One section in particular: the fried chicken.

He was grabbing handfuls of chicken and shoving them onto his plate, when he met another person’s hand in the middle. It was soaking wet, stained with fried chicken crumbs, dripping car grease and beer. Ted looked up, and was awestruck by the familiar face he saw. 

“Lonnie? Lonnie Byers?”

Lonnie chuckled. “The one and only.”

“What are you doing at the buffet?”

“Same as you, of course. I’ve been craving some–”

“Fried chicken?” Ted interrupted. 

Lonnie gasped, mesmerised by the magical man in front of him. “How’d you know?”

Ted pointed to the colossal pile of fried chicken sticking out of Lonnie’s pants. “Is that fried chicken in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?”

“Why not both?” Lonnie winked. 

The two chuckled. While Lonnie was distracted, Ted reached his hand into his pants and pulled out a piece of fried chicken. 

Lonnie continued. “Hey, there’s only one guy I know who likes fried chicken as much as I do. You’re Ted Wheeler, aren’t you?”

“The one and only.”

“What do you say we take all this chicken somewhere… private?”

Ted Wheeler smirked. 

-

The officiant wanted to cry as she watched two middle-aged men in stained white singlets shove fried chicken down their pants. What happened to society? What had the world come to? She speedwalked past them, just wanting to get to the bar. 

She had never wanted a drink this desperately in her life. Not when she witnessed a little girl steal five boxes of Eggos from the grocery store. Not when she lost her jazzercise studio to a freak mall fire. Not even when her lying ex-husband Todd claimed his sports car was stolen by a strange man in a Hawaiian shirt and his slushie-loving, child-murdering Russian hostage. 

She divorced him, naturally, although she always regretted it. 

She had rebuilt her life over the course of a few years. The officiant had taken her job in order to move past her strange traumas, to help people find love and happiness, to reinvigorate her hope in humanity. 

Now she was wondering whether humanity was really worth it anymore. 

She collapsed onto a bar stool, banging her head repeatedly on the counter. The bartender, a balding man with funky glasses, long hair and a beard, looked at her expectantly. 

“What’s the strongest thing ya got?” She asked. 

“Well,” the bartender said slowly, “We have rubbing alcohol and bleach in the back–”

“PLEASE. I’LL TAKE ANYTHING.”

“...I was joking. You know that would kill you, right?” There was a silence as the officiant stared at him blankly, her head still resting on the counter. He continued, “You know that would kill you, right?” 

The officiant lifted her head off the counter and stared directly and unblinkingly into his eyes, as though she could project all her pain and desperation into his soul via telepathy. It’s a shame superpowers weren’t real. Distantly, she heard laughter and the sound of a bowl clattering to the floor. 

“Okay,” the bartender said shortly. “I am going to pour us some vodka, and you are going to tell me your troubles so I can read you like the intelligent, sane psychoanalyst bartender I am. Sound good?”

“Mhm.”

A moment later, the bartender reappeared with several very generous shots of vodka in hand. The officiant took two and downed them. “I’m Liz, by the way,” she said.

“Okay, Liz,” replied the barman. “So a series of strange traumas led up to you and your ex-husband’s divorce, you became a wedding officiant all because you believed it would finally reawaken the love in your soul again, only for you to be blindsided by the insanity you witnessed during this very ceremony. Now you don’t know what to believe anymore, you’re questioning every decision you’ve ever made that has led you to this point, and you’re seriously regretting your divorce.” 

“How– how–? ” 

But Liz received no answer. Instead, Liz took three more shots of vodka and promptly fell face-first into the bar. 

“Another successful analysis,” said the bartender to himself. “Nice job, Murray Bauman, you’ve really outdone yourself this time!”

Then he ninja-jumped over the counter and skipped away.  

“BY THE WAY,” he shouted over his shoulder, “I’M NOT A BARTENDER!”

Liz wanted to cry. Instead, she fell off her stool. Lying on the ground, she groaned, “Todd…” Then she passed out.

Murray cackled. 

-

“Will, let me go!”

Will’s chuckling turned to hearty laughter, “No! You said you didn’t want me to put you down!”

“Well I’m saying it now!” Mike exclaimed through his hands. 

“And I’m saying no!” 

Will began to spin them both around, unknowingly drifting them right into the buffet table. They were both laughing, but not for long– they hit the empty fried chicken platter first, and as Will spun Mike again, a bowl of fruit clattered to the floor. Shocked, Will let go and Mike dropped to the ground. 

“Ow,” Mike groaned, placing a hand tenderly to his tailbone where he fell onto it, “Oh, I’m gonna destroy you, Byers.”

Fruit surrounds him, strewn about the floor like a juicy massacre. Mike gathered the fruit in his hands and Will started backing away, but he was too late, because Mike was throwing it at him. It hit him right in the face, making a glorious splatter as bits of fruit land all over the place. There was strawberry in his hair, banana slices on his suit, and grapes tumbling to the ground. 

Will’s mouth hung open in shock as fruit dripped down his face. He flicked most of the moisture off his hands and wiped them on his suit. Then, he looked right at Mike. “You. Will. Pay.”

Soon, Will was chasing Mike across the hall. Platters of food floated into the air as he ran past them, before clattering down onto the floor. If anyone noticed, they didn’t seem to give a shit.

Karen Wheeler stared at Mike and Will as they chased each other through the hall. She wasn’t paying attention to the surrounding area, just watching the boys dart and weave and dodge each other. 

She wanted to say something, but to whom? Ted was gone, Joyce was occupied with Hopper, and Nancy was occupied with her gun. Karen reached into her handbag and pulled out her hair straightener. She walked to the most desolate corner of the room, ensuring nobody could see her. 

“Hair straightener,” she asked quietly, “I can tell you anything, right?”

She twitched her hand, and the straightener nodded.

“Mm. You remember Michael, my son?”

“It’s been years,” said the straightener as Karen’s hand twitched again. “But I remember the boy. Such curly hair.” 

“Yes, he takes after me. It’s a shame he won’t let me straighten it anymore.”

“A real shame,” said the straightener.

“Yes,” said Karen. She looked behind her, where the boys were done running, now standing against the wall chatting idly. “That Byers boy has such lovely, straight hair. What a shame it’s covered in… fruit .”

“Fruity indeed.” 

“What do you say, H.S.? Shall I take you for one last ride?”

“Karen, I’d be honoured.” 

“Perfect, time to–”

“Karen,” said a grouchy voice behind her, “I’m going to… is that your hair straightener?”

Karen startled then spun around, clutching H.S. to her chest like a precious gem. Breathing hard, Karen replied, “Yep.”

“Me and Lonnie are gonna get some more food,” he said, nodding towards the buffet table. All the food seemed to have inexplicably been flung everywhere, as though it had floated around for a few seconds before dropping unceremoniously onto the floor. Picky eaters, probably.

“Have fun,” said Karen, but Ted was already walking away. 

“Oh, we will,” said the straightener. 

“Yes, H.S. We will.” Lightning struck outside, and the lights flickered. Karen cackled with glee.

-

Dustin, Lucas, Max, El, Jonathan and Nancy were standing together by the buffet table, chilling out. They each had a fruity cocktail in their hands, which they were sipping periodically - besides Dustin, Lucas and El, who were drinking straight whiskey.  

Mike and Will ran across the hall, platters clattering around them. As they slowed down and walked towards the door of the venue, they all watched, indifferent. Except Dustin of course, who looked like he had just seen Vecna voguing on the dance floor. 

Eleven chugged the last of her whiskey. “I am going to get a better drink. Perhaps one of those cocktails with fruit. Goodbye.”

After she left, Dustin looked around to check if anyone else was listening. “So…” he began, “Anyone else think it’s weird that the bride and groom are just… not hanging out at all on their wedding night?”

Immediately there was a chorus of No’s and Obviously Not’s . 

“WHAT?” He shrieked, voice cracking. “So… so you’re telling me everything that happened here today is an example of a completely normal, healthy relationship? You don’t see anything strange about…” Dustin gestured wildly across the room, “ALL OF THIS?” 

Now the others looked confused.

“We didn’t say that,” added Nancy. 

“Obviously it’s weird and abnormal,” Max said. “But Mike and El are, you know…”

Dustin squinted, his upper lip curling as he tried to figure out what he was apparently supposed to know. 

Max’s eyes widened. “YOU KNOW.” She gesticulated wildly to emphasise her point.

“No, I don’t know.”

“...What?” Max’s voice had dropped to the quietest whisper Dustin had ever heard come from her mouth. 

“I don’t know.”

Max looked at everyone else in the group, clearly panicked. They were too. Dustin was getting more confused by the second. He asked, “What was I supposed to know?”

Dead. 

Silence. 

Jonathan shook his head, loudly asking, “You didn’t tell Dustin?!”

Max turned to him, “No that was your job!”

Nancy said, “No, no, we never agreed to that. You and Lucas were gonna do it, remember?”

“Shit, shit, shit…”

Lucas sighed, “Yeah, we were gonna do it, but we couldn’t find the right time, and you said if we didn’t tell him, you would!”

“Okay, but you had to tell us you didn’t tell him before we would–”

Dustin groaned. “Oh my God, stop! What was I supposed to know?”

-

Mike and Will had exited the venue, giggling and snorting the whole way. They needed a private place to hang out, just the two of them. They looked through the car park, until one particular vehicle caught Will’s eye. 

As Mike and Will broke into Lonnie’s car, cackling gleefully, they both heard a noise from far away. It was a loud, long, voice-cracking, shrieking, “WHAT?!” But just as abruptly as it had started, it was suddenly cut off, as though someone had put a hand over whatever was making that blood-curdling noise.

“What the hell was that?” Mike asked through the cackling.

“It sounded like Dustin.”

“Huh. You think something’s wrong?”

“Nah. I’m sure it’s fine. Quick, let’s get in.”

“Cool.”

-

Jonathan and Nancy chatted idly by the buffet table, watching Lucas, Max, and El, and Dustin where they were seated on the floor. Dustin was in the middle of them, looking harrowed, as El patted his back. He took a tentative sip of her cocktail. 

“Hey, that’s pretty good.”

El grinned. “Right?”

“I’m never drinking straight whiskey again.”

“Did you not like the whiskey? You do not have to give it up if you enjoy it.”

“It tasted like ass, El…” Dustin bemoaned, “But like… good ass.” Then he burst into tears. 

Lucas patted his back. “There, there. It’s ok, buddy.”

“You still like whiskey, right, Lucas?”

“Clearly,” Lucas replied, holding up the full glass in his hand.

“Ok,” Dustin panted, wiping his eyes. “So I’m not the only one. Cool. That’s fine. Everything is fine.”

Max patted his back. “I like whiskey too, you know.”

“Ok… that’s… also fine. Everything is absolutely 100% okay and I’m totally fine.” Then he burst into tears again. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL MEEEEE?!”

-

Jonathan turned to Nancy. “So, the fruity cocktails are a metaphor for homosexuality, right?”

“Definitely,” she replied. 

“Cool.”

-

“Let’s go eat our delectable chicken carcasses in my car, Ted,” Lonnie had said. “No-one will bother us there.”

But when Lonnie and Ted arrived at the spot where Lonnie’s car was supposed to be parked… it was floating. The fucking car was floating in the fucking air like fucking magic, what the fuck?

“My fucking car–” said Lonnie.

“It’s floating in the fucking air–” said Ted.

“Like fucking magic– said Lonnie.

“What the fuuuuuuck–?” They said at the exact same time. 

Ted smirked. “Welp, I guess we’ll have to find a different vehicle to perform our depraved acts of chicken consumption in.”

“I guess so,” replied Lonnie. “Hey! Look at that car over there!”

Lonnie was pointing in the direction of a cream-coloured sports car with its roof up and a number-plate which read ‘TODFTHR2’. 

“You think Todd will mind if we borrow his car for a bit?” said Ted. 

“He never has to know,” replied Lonnie. 

The two middle-aged men high-fived, then linked arms and skipped towards the vehicle, giggling the whole way. 

-

Meanwhile, seven metres above the ground of the parking lot, Mike and Will broke away from their makeout session. Mike lifted his hands from where they had been tangled in his boyfriend’s glorious, fruity bowlcut. 

“That giggle,” whispered Mike, “Did you hear that?”

“Ew, yeah, it sounded like Lonnie,” Will whispered back, grimacing.

“No, no, no,” said Mike, “it sounded like my Dad .”

Mike and Will shared a confused look, and the car wobbled in the air for a second, but stayed floating. Hearing no more giggling, they went back to making out. 

-

Now in Todd’s car, they shared the KFC Go Bucket that Ted had saved hours earlier. Lonnie and Ted reached for the same piece of chicken, and their hands touched, sending warm tingling sensations down each of their fingertips. Instead of moving away, they both tentatively grasped onto the chicken tighter, their fingers linking together. Ted moved his hand up. Lonnie moved his hand up. Soon, the last piece of fried chicken was level with both of their mouths. 

Ted and Lonnie looked each other in the eyes. Ted raised an eyebrow, Lonnie winked, and soon they were biting the chicken leg decadently from both sides. 

“Mm,” said Lonnie, his mouth full of greasy white meat.

“Mm-mm,” said Ted, words muffled by what he was swallowing down.

They chomped into the chicken like it was their last meal (and who knows, it might have been). Soon, they were both licking the bones clean. 

Lonnie looked up from the chicken leg. “You know, this is the first time I’ve eaten chicken with another man before…”

Ted raised his eyebrows, shocked. “I had no clue.”

“Well, I used to eat it with the ol’ ex-wife, but it was never…”

“Enough?”

“Yeah…” Lonnie gazed into the empty KFC bucket in thought. “How’d you know?”

“When my wife would cook chicken for me, I’d eat it. Savour it, even. But it was never enough for me, Lonnie. I was always thinking about eating it with…”

“With…”

“Do you remember back in high school, when we–”

“When we shared that KFC family meal?” Ted nodded enthusiastically, grinning from ear to ear. Lonnie continued, “God, I’ll never forget it, Ted. A day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought about it at least once. It was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Ted gasped. “Me too! Vacations, promotions, getting married, having three kids… none of it compared to the fried chicken we shared together, Lonnie. None of it.”

“You mean that?”

“I really do.”

Lonnie shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe it. All this time, I was eating chicken with woman after woman– when I could’ve been eating fried chicken with you. We could have been eating it–”

“Together,” finished Ted, gazing longingly at the empty bucket between them. 

“TOGETHER!” The two men yelled. 

In the distance, a car crashed seven metres to the ground. 

-

Lonnie’s car was flaming, but Mike and Will paid no mind; they were too busy dying inside. 

“Holy shit,” Mike panicked, “Holy shit.”

“Together,” Will blurted out, “they yelled ‘together’, Mike.”

“Oh my God, Will. That’s my actual Dad. And your actual ex-Dad.”

“They said it together !”

“I bet they’re together–”

“Are they together?”

“What, like, togethe-together?”

“...Would that make us step-brothers?”

“NO.” Mike shook Will’s shoulders. “NO, WILL, NO. NO! NO! FUCK NO. FUCK THAT. FUCK YOU.”

“Gladly.”

Mike snorted. “Fuck off.”

The boys stepped out of the now-flaming car wreckage and watched their fathers from a distance. Whatever was happening in that cream-coloured sports car had the potential to scar them for life. And yet, they persisted on: they had to see what their fathers were up to. 

-

Suddenly, Lonnie brought his hand to Ted’s chin and their eyes locked together. “Ted, I have a stupid idea. One of the craziest ideas I’ve ever had, besides planning to cover up my psychic son’s kidnapping for cash using a fake body designed by the lab I was in cahoots with.”

“Tell me,” said Ted.

“Do you wanna run away together?”

Ted put his hand on Lonnie’s shoulder. “We could go to every KFC in the state.”

Lonnie grinned and put his other hand on Ted’s. “Every KFC in the country.”

“And we could move to a farm, raise chickens of our own–”

“And kill them ruthlessly with no remorse–”

“Then slather them in grease and breadcrumbs–”

“And eleven secret herbs and spices.”

Ted laughed, “Yes, I’ll go with you! In fact, why don’t we go right now?”

Lonnie reluctantly took his hands off of Ted and turned his keys in the ignition, moving his hands to the steering wheel. “But won’t your wife and kids notice?”

“Ah, fuck ‘em. They’ll survive without me, I’ve barely talked to them in years.”

Lonnie cackled. “My man!”

“No,” Ted whispered tenderly, “My man.”

After a second’s pause, the two men touched hand-to-hand, nose-to-nose, and both Lonnie and Ted spoke. “Our man.”

Lonnie reluctantly moved away, ready to accelerate him and Ted into their crispy, chickeny destiny, but before he could, there was a knock at his window.

He looked, and the first thing he noticed was the bowl cut. 

Ah, shit. It was his gay, gay son. 

There was a knock on Ted’s window, too. Ted looked, and saw–

Ah, shit. It was his gay, gay son.

Both boys started speaking, but they were completely inaudible through Todd’s thick, glass windows. Ted leaned to Lonnie. “Mind rolling down the windows, my man?”

Lonnie sighed. “Fine, my manly man-man. I’ll roll down the windows so we can find out what our gay, gay, homosexual, gay, homosexual sons are blabbing about now.”

He rolled the windows down, terribly slowly, Mike and Will’s expressions withering more and more until it was done.

Mike and Will spoke at the same time, “Dad… you guys are together, aren’t you?”

Lonnie and Ted replied at the same time, “We’re in this car together, yes.”

“No,” Mike and Will continued at the same time, “Are you together together?”

Lonnie and Ted both went pale, gasped, and said, “TOGETHER? WHAT, LIKE SOME KIND OF HOMO? LIKE SOME KIND OF HOMOSEXUAL GAY HOMO?”

“Like a couple.”

“A COUPLE OF GAYS????!??!?!?!?!?”

Mike and Will rolled their eyes and sighed, exasperated. “YES, DAD, A COUPLE OF GAYS. ARE YOU A COUPLE OF GAYS.”

“No,” the chicken-loving buddies replied together, “We simply have a deep, soul-reaching bond that we have developed through a mutual love of KFC fried chicken. Any latent homoeroticism is purely coincidental.”

“Right. Keep telling yourself that, I’m sure it’ll come true eventually.”

There was silence for a moment. Nobody quite knew what to say. Then, Ted and Lonnie both spoke at the same time–

“What about you boys?”

Mike and Will’s eyes widened, “What?”

“That’s why you came out here, isn’t it? To eat crispy fried chicken together in a beautiful, purely coincidentally homoerotic expression of love?”

“No… we came out here to make out with each other in a beautiful, incredibly purposeful homosexual expression of love. That’s why we thought you two were out here.”

“EWWWW!” Ted and Lonnie yelled, “YOU BOYS LIKE BOYS ? GROSS! YUCKY! EWWWWWW! NO-NO-NO! ME NO LIKEY–”

Will willed a brick to fly through the driver’s side window frame and hit Lonnie on the head, knocking him out. 

“Huh, I guess I do have powers. Alright then.”

“I’m just glad he shut up for once,” Mike said, “Annoying shit.”

There was another silence. Ted furrowed his eyebrows, thinking more than he had thought in decades. “Wait,” he began, “So you’re telling me… my mega-gay homo twink son… was an actual homo this whole time?”

“Yep,” Mike replied.

“I see”, said Ted. Then, he clicked his tongue. “You’re a disappointment, son… just like your father. Well done.”

“Wait,” Mike exclaimed, “So you are gay!”

“No, just a disappointment like you.”

“But you and Lonnie?”

“We’re chicken-loving gal pals, son, that’s all.”

“Hoy fucking shit. Okay. Great. I’m so glad you and your gal pal LONNIE BYERS can eat your CHICKEN TOGETHER. Just drive away, please.”

“I’m proud of you, son,” said Ted, a single tear rolling down his face– wait, no, it was just grease from the chicken.

“Don’t be proud of me, Dad. That’s the worst thing you could’ve said to me.”

“Good, I was lying.”

“Thank fuck.”

Suddenly, Lonnie woke up. 

“Hey, Willy.”

Will turned his back to Lonnie, screamed in frustration, making every window in a 50 kilometre radius explode, then turned back, a strained smile on his face. “Yes, father dearest?”

“You’re straight, right? This was just another one of those funny little dungeon stories of yours, right?”

“No, Dad, I’m gay.”

“You’re… gay as in happy? Happy to be straight?”

“No Dad, gay as in gay.”

“Not even a little bit straight?”

“NO, DAD. I AM GAY. G-A-Y. I LIKE MEN. HOMOSEXUALLY.”

“Oh…” he thought for a moment, then looked at Mike, “And you’re one of those homosexuals too?”

“Um. Yes. I am also a homosexual.”

“Okay. Right.”

A smile slowly started to spread across Lonnie’s face. Will’s eyes widened. Could it be? He was… happy? His father, who had spent years tormenting him for the way he perceived his sexuality… this man was… happy? He was grinning, a wide-eyed, crazy grin that stretched across his face. Lonnie opened his mouth–

“See you in hell, homos!” He slammed his foot on the accelerator, and they were off, leaving only the smoky smell of KFC in their wake. 

Mike walked over to Will and tapped him on the shoulder as they watched their former fathers drive off into the sunset. “Hey,” said Mike, “Does Lonnie know he’s headed straight for that flaming, bottomless wormhole from our final battle with the Upside Down?”

“Nope,” said Will, smiling serenely.

“Ah, fuck ‘em.”

“Yeah, they can burn in hell.”

Then they made out again, ignoring the distant screaming and the smell of burnt chicken. 

-

“Liz?” Todd yelled as he ran straight into the wedding hall. 

Oh God, this was such a horrible idea. Liz was nowhere to be found, the wedding patrons were staring at him, there was a vicious-looking young woman with a sawed-off shotgun pointed right in his direction, and worst of all: there was no more fried chicken left. 

If he was Liz, where would he be?

Judging by the crowd gathered here tonight, that woman would be trying to drown her existential sorrows in alcohol by now… 

Of course!

Todd headed straight for the open bar, but when he got there it was empty. No-one to be found. Another dud– what kind of bar doesn’t have a bartender? He was about to walk away when a strange man came running up to him. He was balding, with groovy glasses, long, dark hair and a beard. 

“I’M HERE! I’M HERE, JUST YOUR USUAL BARTENDER READY TO TEND SOME BARS.”

Todd grinned and sat down on the barstool. The table in front of him was covered in shot glasses, vodka and drool– but that didn’t matter, the bartender was here!

“What can I getcha?” said the bartender. 

“Have you seen a woman named Liz around? She’s the wedding officiant here, always smiling, loves vodka…”

“Two of those things were definitely true. Yes, I’ve seen her… but let’s talk about you.”

“What’s there to talk about? I’ve really gotta find Liz–”

“Here, have some vodka. Helps you think, maybe you’ll even figure out where your Lizzy is. In the meantime, I must do some Murraying.”

“Murraying? What is that?”

“Nothing, just a little psychoanalysis. Now, let’s see here…”

The bartender leaned forward, squinting. He took his glasses off, rubbed his eyes, and put them back on again. There was a pause. “Oh.”

“What?” 

“That’s strange. I’ve got nothing.” The bartender looked completely thrown off. “No struggles, no ulterior motives or deep-seated sexual repression… Just a regular guy. All you want is to find Liz and drive out of here in your beige sports car.”

“How do you know I have a sports car?”

“You tell me, Toddfather.”

“Just tell me where to find my ex-wife, man.”

“Alright, fine, you wanna know where Liz is? Last I saw her, she was passed out at this very bar. So I dragged her unconscious body onto that bench outside. With a blanket. For safety.”

“WHAT THE FUCK? OKAY, THANK YOU, BYE!”

“Goodbye, Toddfather. Goodbye,” Murray whispered, a single tear streaming down his face. “My Murraying is finally complete.”

Todd ran as fast as he could, faster than he’d ever run before. He needed to get to Liz, needed to find her again and explain everything–

He burst through the back doors of the wedding venue, and right there on the bench, wrapped in a blanket was Liz. She blinked groggily, turning her head in his direction, before doing a triple-take and falling right onto the ground, like some kind of pathetic caterpillar woman.

That was the Liz he knew and loved. 

“Liz!” Todd shouted, hastily kneeling on the ground beside her and cradling her blanket-wrapped body in his arms. “Are you okay?”

“Todd? I thought… I thought I’d never see you again,” she hiccuped. 

“Well, you did tell me that you never want me to see you again.”

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I? I’m so sowwy, pwease fowgive me?”

“Liz, of course I forgive you. Everybody’s car gets hijacked now and again, and everybody gets called a liar by their wife of ten years, divorced, then kicked out onto the street every once in a while. It wasn’t your fault.” 

Liz smiles and hugs him. “You’re welcome to come back anytime, Todd. If you want to, that is.”

Todd chuckles. “I want to do more than just live with you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I want to have babies with you, Liz. I wanna be a Toddfather.”

“Yes, a million times yes!”

“Great! We’ll have those six little nuggets we always wanted…”

“Of course Todd, that’s–”

“The best part of the Happy Meal,” they said together. 

Liz smiled, a single tear dripping down her face. “I love you.”

Todd grinned, a single tear dripping down his face. “I love you more.”

And like two magnets propelled together, Todd and Liz embraced for the first time in too long. Liz’s tired, jaded exterior wore away immediately, and Todd didn’t even care that his second cream-coloured sports car was being driven straight into some kind of hell-void by two chicken-obsessed men. He had his Liz back, and that’s all that mattered. 

The screaming was pretty annoying, though. 

Murray looked behind him, checking that he hadn’t been followed. As he slipped into the storage closet, he noticed that the man he had locked inside hours ago was still screaming. Or, trying to; the duct tape took care of most of his efforts. 

“Jeez, shut up already!” Murray rolled his eyes, “I told you I was going to let you go. Just had to take your place as bartender to do some Murraying, you know how it goes.”

The man shook his head frantically, a single tear streaming down his face and onto his neat all-black suit; an odd contrast to his curly, dirty-blond mullet. 

“Fine, I’ll take the duct-tape off,” Murray said. “I’m done now, anyways.”

Just as he said, Murray ripped the duct tape off (and a few barely-there moustache hairs). But something was wrong. The man, who had seemingly just been screaming for his life now had a blank expression on his face. 

“You shouldn’t have done that, Murray.” A small smile edged at the corners of the bartender’s mouth. 

Murray rolled his eyes. “Get out of here with that cryptic crap. I am a black belt in karate. I have taken down countless Russians. I will not hesitate to take you down as well, now get out of this closet.”

He opened up the door and the man stepped out immediately, practically running away from Murray and in the direction of the main hall. Suddenly, the bartender turned around. “Oh yeah,” he called out, grinning. “I was never the bartender. Check the fuckin’ freezer, detective !”

With that sinister remark, he was off, and Murray was beginning to regret his cool dismissal. 

Should he run after the curly-haired impostor, or check the freezer? Option one was long gone, but option two was just a few feet away. Freezer it was. Murray strode over to the freezer, opened up the heavy sliding door, and blinked hard. 

Inside was a terrified-looking young man with his wrists and ankles tied, shivering violently in the cold of the freezer. His hair was neatly combed, and Murray realised that all-black suit wouldn’t have looked out of place on him; given that everything but his underclothes seemed to have been missing, that wasn’t much of a stretch. 

Murray quickly helped the actual bartender out of the freezer, and as he took one last look before shutting the door, he saw something. Lying on the ground was a white tank top, covered in dried blood and meat. 

Now that he thought about it, the guy had looked kind of familiar. Curly, dirty-blonde mullet. Barely-there moustache. Bloody tank top. Meat monster. 

That red-headed girl, Max. Didn’t she have a brother? 

Shiiit. 

-

Karen was alone. Well– except for her beloved H.S. 

Her hair straightener had never let her down, not like everybody else at this wretched wedding. She couldn’t even find it in herself to be happy that her clearly homosexual son was getting married to a woman. Normally she’d be overjoyed that her boy was following in his mother’s footsteps, but today she was furious. 

She had half a mind to chat up the wedding officiant and get married to her hair straightener instead– but she had a better idea. 

Karen had been married to Ted for years, but it was clear neither had feelings for the other. From the moment they met in high school, when Karen plonked herself down on top of the pile of KFC between him and Lonnie, and asked Ted to go out with her… from that moment, she knew their heterosexual union was merely a homosexual disguise. 

They had kids together, they had a life, but that didn’t stop Karen’s true feelings. That didn’t stop the urges. Karen knew what she had to do, once and for all. 

Her heels click-clacked against the floor of the room as she made a beeline for Joyce Byers, who was talking to Jim Hopper. Joyce Byers, her old companion. The reason she sought out Ted in the first place. 

Karen was right on the verge of every scourging urge she surged to purge.  

She hesitated for a second– Was she really going to risk everything for a chance to revive a pitiful lesbian romance that had been dead for decades?

“Oh, fuck it,” Karen whispered to herself. Judging by the screams and the smell of burning chicken that wafted in from outside, Ted had clearly left to revive his own homoerotic relationship with Lonnie; it was either this, or nothing. 

“Joyce Byers,” she proclaimed, tapping the woman on her shoulder.

Joyce turned around, her lovely, wavy hair spinning with her, a polite expression on her lovely face. “Oh, Karen! It’s been a while. How are you?”

“Joyce Byers,” Karen repeated. Then she laughed, a long laugh, a laugh so long it was starting to make Joyce and Hopper visibly uncomfortable.

“Are you okay?” Classic Joyce, ever so lovely, ever so caring.

“Joyce Byers, I want you to be my wife.”

Joyce’s eyes grew wide, then softened as a quaint, queer expression quirked across her face. “Oh… I’m sorry Karen, I can’t.”

Karen’s stomach dropped to the floor, and she started hyperventilating. “But– but you’re a godless homosexual, like me! I’m your only hope for happiness!”

“No, Karen. I’m not a godless homosexual– I’m a godless bisexual , and I’m with Hop now. I’ve already found happiness with my beautiful bisexual hubby-wubby. You should’ve asked me a decade ago. I’m sorry, I really am.”

Karen’s eyes flashed red with murderous intent. A smile crept across her face, disguising her rage and torment behind bleached-white, perfect teeth. “Oh, that’s okay. Hey, what’s that over there?”

“What’s what?” Joyce said, as she and Hopper’s gaze followed where Karen’s finger was pointed. 

Karen immediately grabbed Joyce by the back of the head at lightning speed, pulled her hair down and straightened it in a flash. 

“Holy shit! My hair!” Joyce shrieked, “Karen, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, KAREN??? KAREN?!?!??!?!!?”

But Karen didn’t reply. Her rage, torment and fractured hope had been brewing into a toxic mixture inside her for some time now, and now it was bubbling up– in the form of laughter. 

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!” Karen cackled with glee, “GET STRAIGHTENED, BITCH!”

“Get my ex-husband’s name out your fucking mouth!” Joyce bellowed in reply. Then she slapped Karen in the face, knocking her to the ground. Karen was soon scampering off into the crowd of clueless wedding patrons. 

“Hop!” Joyce elbowed him lightly in the ribs, “Why didn’t you do anything?”

Hopper turned around to face his wife, eyebrows furrowed. “I couldn’t see what Karen was pointing at… Wait, did you do something different with your hair?”

Joyce sighed, just happy Karen had left. “Nothing much, Hop.”

Then Joyce and Hopper kissed, hehehehehe. Kissy-kissy. Mwah. Mmmmmmmmm. Kiss. KISS. KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. 

Karen was about to run outside and cry, until she spied Dustin’s mother by herself, picking up what was left from the buffet table. She speedwalked towards her, only one mission on her mind– but she was too slow. 

Dustin’s mother screamed, ran towards her son (who was still being patted on the back by Lucas, Max and El) and hid behind him, shivering. “Never again,” she whispered, memories of click-clacking hair straighteners echoing in her mind.

“Goddammnit!” Karen yelled, click-clacking her hair straightener in fury. She then scampered outside on all-fours, leaving a room full of weary wedding patrons in her wake. They all seemed to make the decision together; this whole wedding was the most confusing mess they’d ever attended, and they wanted to witness every last bit of this horrific trainwreck. 

So, they followed. Every last patron. Including a certain undead curly-haired bastard, who hadn’t been invited. 

Karen sat on the steps of the venue, sighing wistfully every ten seconds. A few metres away, the wedding officiant was wrapped in a blanket and snogging some guy in a beige suit. Just ahead of her, Karen’s clearly gay son was making out with Joyce’s clearly gay son next to The Fiery Wormhole, in which her now ex-husband was finally burning into a crisp along with his sweet, lovable friend Lonnie. 

Everyone had someone, it seemed. Everyone except Karen. 

Karen flashed back to the time she had been the most happy. At the pool, with the gals, trying to impress the lifeguards. One in particular. She never did get to go on that date…

Karen sighed for the forty-second time in seven minutes. She really did miss him. “Golly gee, H.S.” she lamented. “Where’s an eighteen-year-old lifeguard with a mullet when you need him?”

“RIGHT HERE MRS. WHEELER!” said Billy, rising from the ground, covered in dirt, with half the flesh on his face melted off and chunks of his torso missing. Eek!!! So dreamy and cute!!! 

“Actually, I’m not Mrs. Wheeler anymore. I’m just Karen now,” she corrects. “Karen Creel.” 

Billy laughed as a centipede crawled out of his mouth and into his missing eye. “Woah, like that crazy murder family? That’s hot, Mrs. Creeler.” 

“Totally,” she said, standing up. Karen ripped her dress off to reveal a blue and pink bathing suit. “You know, I never stopped wearing it, Billy… not for–” 

“353 days?” said Billy. 

Karen nodded, tears welling in her eyes. 

“I know,” he replied. “I’ve been watching you from the mind of your dead, telekinetic brother, Henry.” 

“That’s hot,” she replied. “Wanna marry me, eighteen-year-old undead lifeguard?”

“I really do, Mrs. Creely-Weely. I really, really do.”

“Ok,” said Karen, shrugging. She and Billy walked off into the sunset, holding hands. Suddenly, they were both knocked to the floor by something– or someone– who had just burst from the ground. 

“PICK ME, KAREN!” Yelled Bob Newby, holding up a sign that said, “Pick me, Joyce!”

Will finally stopped making out with Mike for long enough to whisper, “Bob?” 

Bob looked towards Will and paled. “Aw rats,” he growled. “No, I’m not Bob.” Not-Bob’s face shifted violently, and he rose from the ground further, revealing a horrific yet familiar body. 

“Vecna?” Will whispered.

“Wait, what?” Mike exclaimed, finally looking away from Will. “VECNA?”

“Yeahhhhhhh. Sorry, kid,” Not-Bob-Actually-Vecna admitted sheepishly. “Ya got me. I survived the fiery bottomless pit, and… I had to take my chances with your Mum.”

Mike nodded, just happy that Vecna had apparently stopped wanting to destroy the world, and not wanting to get into any more epic battles.

Meanwhile, Will was flabbergasted. 

“BUT HOW DID YOU SURVIVE THE FIERY BOTTOMLESS PIT? IT’S BOTTOMLESS!”

“Well…” Vecna began. But before he could continue, Karen spoke. “Billy… Not-Bob-Actually-Vecna… I have made my decision.” 

She sighed, a new record for most amount of sighing in one fanfiction. “I’ve looked at all my options and I’ve decided… My hair straightener is my one true love. She’s always been there for me, through thick and thin hair… and she’s beautiful. I’M GOING TO MARRY MY HAIR STRAIGHTENER.”

Karen walked confidently over to Todd and Liz, and ripped them apart. “HEY, LIZARD McWEDDINGOFFICIANT!”

Liz gasped, “How did you know my full, legal name?”

“I need you to pronounce us wife and wife,” she said, gesturing to her and H.S.

“Okay, fuck. Uh, Karen and hair straightener, you’re now wife and wife. Go kiss or whatever.”

Karen took Liz’s words seriously, because she and H.S. began to perform something that can only be described as a burning, passionate, kiss-adjacent war crime.

Vecna watched on, sad but intrigued by the display. Billy watched on. Smirking, he said, “That’s hot… really hot… OH GOD I’M BURNING ALIVE!!!!!!!!”  

The wedding patrons had all stepped outside by now, including Murray, who had just smashed a molotov cocktail over Billy’s head. As Billy ran around screaming, Will took the opportunity to break away from Mike and telekinetically throw Vecna into the sun. Damn, having superpowers would’ve made defeating that guy a whole lot easier. 

As Billy continued to run around, everyone began to realise that he wasn’t the only one screaming. There were multiple screams emanating from the fiery bottomless pit… and they were growing louder. 

“Will,” whispered Mike, “Doesn’t that sound like…?”

“I hope not, but I think it is…” Will muttered gravely. 

The crowd watched on as the screams grew louder, and the smell of crispy, smoky, horrifically burnt chicken emanated from the bottomless pit. 

It couldn’t be. 

A crackling, sloshing sound filled the air– a familiar sound that hadn’t been heard since the Starcourt mall fire of 1985. 

It couldn’t be.

The screaming turned to groaning, a painful, horrible groan. “CHHHHHHHHKNNNNNNNN…” the pit-monster bellowed.

It was. 

Every wedding patron in that room had been scarred by years of disaster and torment, but nothing prepared them for what they were about to see. 

Crawling out of the fiery pit of hell was none other than Ted Wheeler and Lonnie Byers. But it wasn’t just the two of them. They had formed a meaty, chickeny, amorphous blob of flesh and fire. The stench was horrific.

-

Meanwhile, on the surface of the Sun, with a pair of indestructible binoculars, Vecna giggled as he watched the whole thing with glee. He knew it was possible for a meat monster to be made without his control… but nobody else was controlling this thing, either. It was sentient; its own beautifully horrific creature. The Meat Monster 2.0.

-

“CHICKENNNNNNN…” The Meat Monster 2.0 growled, low, pained and bellowing. 

The monster quickly made its way to a discarded KFC bucket that had fallen close to the pit. It instantly scarfed down all the crumbs and bones that were once inside. 

“Yum,” said the Ted half of the monster. “Alright Lonnie, should we get going again?”

“Yep,” said the Lonnie half of the monster. “Now that little detour’s out of the way.”

“Okay,” said Will. “Okay. Alright. What the hell is going on here?” 

“Oh, hi again kid,” said the Meat Monster 2.0. “Don’t mind us, we’re gonna go ransack every KFC in the state. See ya.”

“HOLD ON.” Said Will, the last fragments of his sanity about to wither into dust. “HOW THE HELL DID YOU CLIMB OUT OF THAT THING?”

The Meat Monster 2.0 chuckled. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“NO, IT’S NOT, THAT’S WHY I’M ASKING YOU. HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET OUT OF THE BOTTOMLESS WORMHOLE?”

“Because it’s a bottomless wormhole… and we’re both bottoms.”

Will was not okay. 

“DOG FUCKINIG DAMMNNITN!!!!!! ASDJHFGAKSFG!!!!!! FUCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!”

Meanwhile, Mike was intrigued. “Wait, does that mean Vecna’s a bottom?”

Will was too stunned to speak.

-

Billy stared at the beautifully horrific, strangely familiar creature that was standing in front of him. He was no longer screaming, despite the flames that were still sizzling over his body. The flames didn’t matter, because this thing was wayyy hotter. 

“Hey gorgeous,” he smirked, “Wanna go out?”

“Ooh,” the Meat Monster 2.0 said, “Sure thing, pretty lady.”

“I’m not a lady.”

“What? But you have long hair… Sorry pretty not-lady, we can’t go out with you.”

“What do you mean?” Billy was puzzled. “Aren’t you, y’know… a couple of meat-loving meat-men?”

“Only when it comes to chicken.”

“But aren’t you together?” Exclaimed Billy, thoroughly confused. 

Ted and Lonnie shook their horrific, meaty heads. “Ummm, we’re both straight. We’re just straight… together .”

“Hey, kid,” said Billy, looking directly towards Will, who had finally stopped screaming and started crying.

“WHATTTTTTT?” Will wailed woefully.

“Mind flinging me into the sun?”

“Fine, whatever.”

-

Will half-heartedly flung Billy into the sun, where he landed directly on top of Vecna. “Hello, handsome,” he said. 

“Uhh…” Vecna looked sheepish as he pushed Billy off his slimy body. A trail of heavy, sizzling footsteps made their way to the pair. Billy looked up, to see an oddly familiar face standing above him. 

“Sorry, sir,” the man said. “He’s taken.”

“Aw, rats. Sorry about that, Eddie,” Billy apologised. “Hey Vecna, mind flinging me back down?”

“Sure thing, Billiam. Have fun down there!”

-

Billy landed directly on top of Karen, squashing her. She immediately died. Oops.

“NO!” Billy screamed, “NOOOO!” He sobbed, hugging her flattened body. “THE ONLY REASON I CAME BACK TO LIFE WAS TO GO ON THAT DATE WITH YOU… AND NOW… IT SHALL NEVER BE! I’D RATHER DIEEEEEEE.”

So, he died, exploding flesh and centipedes everywhere. The wedding guests were covered in it. They kept watching, though, eyes glued to whatever the fuck was happening.

Billy was dead.

Then, Karen woke up. 

“Oh, hey Billy. Sorry, you killed me for a second there. I’m back though.”

She looked down. In her hand was H.S., completely smashed to pieces. Her beloved, illegally newlywed wife was dead. Splatted onto her lap were the bloody remnants of Billy’s clothes. 

For some reason, she felt the urge to reach into his pocket. 

She did, and found…

“Oh my God. A date.” Karen began to sob, tears streaming down her still-squashed face as she cupped the withered, sun-dried fruit in her withered, blood-moistened hands. “We finally did it Billy… we got our date…”

Her life was complete; there was nothing left to live for. 

Karen Creel was dead. 

A pause. 

One second. 

Two seconds. 

Three seconds. 

The gobsmacked crowd burst into a round of applause, cheering and crying. Never before had they experienced something so raw. So beautiful. So centipede-infested. A few of them had dropped dead as well, a combination of the shock and the stench proving too much for their brains to comprehend. The rest of them would be forever scarred, never able to sleep again, lest the images of burning flesh explode and cascade across their vision in a fiery orange rain of tragedy. 

“Look, Will, they’re cheering,” said Mike.

“Huh. I mean, if they’re fine with watching flesh, blood and hellfire rain from the skies and splatter them with unforgettable horrors beyond comprehension… then I guess they won’t mind if we kiss a little.”

“Yeah, it’s only logical.”

So, Mike and Will made out for a bit… until they realised that the cheers had grown oddly silent.

The bartender was the first to speak. “Wait…” he said, still shivering and blue from being locked in the freezer for four hours. “THOSE TWINKS ARE FUCKIN’ HOMOS???????”

“Ah, shit,” muttered Mike.

“THAT’S GREAT!” The bartender continued. 

“Phew,” breathed Will. 

“BECAUSE NOW,” said the bartender, “WE KNOW WHO TO BLAME FOR THIS!”

“Goddamnit”, groaned Mike.

“THIS INCREDIBLE, LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE!”

“Aww,” said Will.

“AN EXPERIENCE THAT HAS BRUTALLY SCARRED THE MINDS OF EVERY PERSON IN THIS CROWD AND RUINED US FOREVER.”

“FUCKING HELL,” yelled Mike, “DO YOU ACCEPT US OR NOT?”

The bartender jumped, eyebrows raised. “I thought I made myself clear.”

Mike replied, “You absolutely didn’t.”

“Well,” continued the bartender, “I think that’s for the audience to decide for themselves.”

“WHAT AUDIENCE?!” Mike yelled. “WHAT?!”

The bartender just laughed, before announcing, “ROLL CREDITS!”

“No,” muttered Mike, “No no no no no.”

But before he could do anything else, Murray produced another molotov cocktail from his pocket and smashed it over the bartender’s head. Combined with the man’s already freezing body temperature, this created a small explosion that further covered the guests of the wedding in bits of flesh. They didn’t mind at that point.

“Good riddance,” said Murray. “Anyway, you kids are alright by me.”

Usually when Murray liked something, it was very, very concerning. But Mike and Will were touched by this; both had expected to be immediately outcast for their relationship. For one person– just one person – to accept them… it meant the world. Even if he was a strange bastard who had literally just killed a man.

Mike and Will looked to the crowd, who seemed unsure. Suddenly, Liz and Todd stood up, still hugging. Todd cleared his throat. “These two homosexual harlots may have lied to us all, but… Murray likes them. And Murray is the wonderful man who saved my relationship with Lizard McWeddingOfficiant, the woman who kicked me out of my house and destroyed my life a second time after several of the guests at this godforsaken wedding already destroyed it the first time.”

Mike sighed. “Is that good or bad?”

“I dunno”, said Todd. “This whole day has been screwed up, just like the rest of my life. So… I guess that means being gay is normal.”

“Yeah!” Said Liz enthusiastically. “They reawakened my desire for love, indirectly, through their weird, balding friend!” Then Liz and Todd started making out again. 

“Greaaat,” said Murray unenthusiastically. “Excellent points, folks. Very well done.”

The crowd, still covered in meaty, fleshy gunk, was still unsure. 

“But wait…” said one guest, “This Byers/Wheeler relationship… Byler, if you will… it’s just not realistic for this time period. I mean, I know we’re all covered in crawling centipedes and the flesh of the people we just watched die in front of our eyes, and I know we’ve just witnessed horrors beyond our comprehension, but… I dunno. Something about these gay, gay, gay boys just doesn’t sit right with me.”

“Yeah,” said a few people in the crowd, tentative to express their opinions. 

“I see,” said Murray. “Who else feels this way?”

“Me,” said one person in the crowd. “I mean, Mike and Eleven have been together since they were kids! They just got married and expressed their love to each other in a beautiful way… sure, it was a little awkward, and they didn’t seem to want to kiss each other, and when I was watching them from the bushes with my binoculars, I noticed they were a lot happier when they were broken up… but that doesn’t matter. They’re Mike and Eleven! They’re meant to be!”

“Yeah!” exclaimed another person. “Plus, Michelangelo and William are two boys. Two manly, manly boys who like girls. Boys just don’t belong together.”

The crowd looked to Murray, anxiously awaiting his response. 

“Okay, then. How about this; everyone who hates the idea of Mike and Will’s relationship, raise your hands.”

The few people who spoke did, as well as a few confused-looking guests. 

“Wait, who are you?” asked Will. “I’ve never seen you before in my life.”

“Oh, I just stopped by. I didn’t pay attention to the wedding or anything. Actually, I don’t even know who you are. I just don’t like you.”

“Cool, sick, great.”

Murray looked at the crowd. “Alright, everyone with your hands up, walk forward…” he gestured to a spot in the carpark, separate from the others. “I’m disappointed in you,” he told them, “I really am. However, I’m out of molotov cocktails, so you all got lucky; I’m not gonna set you on fire today.”

They all breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“But I know someone who can.” He quickly pulled out his walkie-talkie, yelling “BOYS, COME ON DOWN!”

Distantly, barely audible, someone screeched, “YOUR ASS IS GRASS, HOMESLICE!” 

There was no time to escape; no time to move; no time to blink. In an instant, two figures came rocketing in from the sky, hand-in-hand, both on fire, and they landed directly on top of the crowd in a massive crater. 

Smoke billowed through the air. Through the thick, grey fumes, two men stood up. The only ones who survived the crash; Vecna and Eddie. 

Eddie stepped forward. “Now that’s what I call a flaming homosexual.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” said Mike. “Okay Will, wanna go?”

“Yep. Let’s go.”

“TO THE CITY!”

“RUN AWAYYYYYYY!”

Will used his newfound telekinetic powers to blast him and Mike across the country at infinite speed. Vecna and Eddie looked at each other, nodded, and blasted back into the sun. 

Meanwhile, behind the crowd of guests, Lucas, Max and El were comfortably seated together, on a couch, asleep. Dustin was sitting contently beside them, chatting on the phone with Suzie, whiskey in hand once more. Joyce and Hop looked at each other and said, “That’s our son. Our gay, telekinetic son.” Jonathan stared at Nancy with a concerned look on his face, as his girlfriend bit a chunk out of her shotgun. “I made it out of charcoal chicken”, she said. “In case I got hungry”. 

“Mind if I have a bite?” said Jonathan, drooling.

“Why not?” Nancy said. “Chicken is meant to be shared… just like our love. Now at KFC for only $4.99, you can get yourself a delicious Family Bucket of juicy fried chicken; just $4.99 for fifteen pieces of succulent, delectable fried chicken– I’m lovin’ it!”

“Nancy,” Jonathan whispered. “That’s the McDonald’s slogan.”

“What?” She whispered, true fear clearly visible behind her eyes.

Click.  

Murray was standing behind them, a real sawed-off shotgun in his hands. 

“Say that again. I dare you.”

“It’s… it’s…”

“IT’S FINGER LICKING GOOD!” Shouted Jonathan. Tears streamed from his eyes as he grabbed Nancy’s chicken-shotgun and took a mouth-watering, scrumptious bite. “It’s… finger-licking… good,” he sobbed. 

“Good,” said Murray. “Good… then my work here is done.”

He started to leave, and everyone in the crowd breathed a sigh of relief. Until he suddenly stopped, turning around again. 

“Oh yeah,” he grinned, “I almost forgot.” Murray took a bite out of his shotgun. “You’re not the only chicken-obsessed freaks in Hawkins.”

“Now, for $4.99,” said Murray, “You can get yourself a delicious Family Bucket of juicy fried chick–”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!” Will shrieked, flying into Murray at the speed of light, shattering him into pieces and splattering the crowd with even more flesh. “If ANY of you mention KFC to me EVER AGAIN, you’ll be next. Got it?”

Everyone nodded.

“Good.”

Will flew away, and Hawkins kept their word; they never uttered those dreaded three letters to one another ever again, lest they relive the worst day of their lives; the day of reckoning; the darkest wedding in Hawkins history; the day Will Byers snapped. 

Legend goes, if you stand in front of the mirror in the old, abandoned Byers house, and whisper, “KFC… KFC… KFC…” Will Byers will appear in your reflection, and when you’re finally found, they’ll never fully scrub you off the walls. 

Such is the legend of Hawkins, in which the strangest things are bound to happen. It’s finger-licking goasdkuvgjhSADJFHGABKSADHFGXABFYWGBXINWKFGXNKAEJWFGXABEKFGNXAKEUVYGFUCKINgFwkrjc3fgnejUCKWHATTHEFUCKNXEVUENXRUVYGNEKVUGXNEFGNEASUwefjhbcqknbfj3hYFXGNEAKFXYGNEKSFYGXNEKsfdmnbSRUHVXNEKSURHVGNSEKUHFGXNEKSURHFXGNESKUFHGXNEKUHFGNSKURFGXNEKSURFHXGNKEUFHGXNEKSUFGNXKERSUHGFKHafkwqh...................,,,,,,,,,///////////////////////////////////////////////oops

-

Hey guys, it’s me again, your narrator. I got splattered into a fleshy pile of meat for a second there. Sorry about that. Don’t worry, though; turns out KFC isn’t chicken at all. It’s just the batter, eleven secret herbs and spices, and the body parts of the unfortunate cretins who dared utter its name. I found that out when the colonel himself broke into my house to make me into KFC. I’m a ghost now. TOODLES. 

-

Yoooooo. If you made it to the end, I love you, please comment so I can congratulate you for surviving lol

[bruciemilf]

PLEASE KEEP GOING WITH THE KITANA/HAVIK STUFF IT'S COOL AF AND IT'S KINDA GROWING ON ME...

I love being enabled <3

One sided enemies to reluctant friends to Something to Secret Lovers, my beloved

Am not gonna sit here and tell you Havik magically loses all resentment for political establishments/monarchiest just because Kitana is a positive element he can associate those things with bc that ain’t it lol

“Not all monarchs and totalitarian autocracies cosplaying democracies are evil we can just co exist 🥹” that’s amazing if you like wack shit!!!

.he’s the hobie brown of his universe, in case it wasn’t obvious.

He was a punk, she’s burdened with duty, and devoted to a crown poisoned with responsibility . can I make it more obvious

“Your mom wants to keep you on a path that’s boring. I’m gonna lead you to a path that rocks!” “Oh that sounds lovely ☺️”

Havik intentionally snaps off body parts just to freak her out; Kitana never reacts unless he’s cracking his knuckles.

This man deadass twisted his neck off and she doesn’t blink, but god help him if Kitana catches him slouch “you’ll hurt your back!” “I am literally a zombie”

Heavy make out sesh in the throne room/her bedroom/just anywhere that’s a Space. Kitana thinks they’re being incredibly stealthy with their forbidden romance. They are not.

Kitana: is there a motive behind Tanya visiting your room at such a late hour?

Mileena: is there a motive behind your breath reeking of roadkill

“absolutely can’t cook for shit” bf + “this is delicious and anyone who dares disagree shall face the wrath of my tiny fists” gf

Havik’s love language is bullying; Kitana’s is quality time. Don’t misunderstand tho Havik KNOWS he’s got a goddess in his hands and worships the soil she blesses with her feet

He just shows it. Differently!!

“How can you not fucking forsee it’ll rain, now you’ll freeze; of course I’m physically shielding you all day.”

HAVIK IS FUCKING BIG!!! Huge!!! Big ASS MF!!!!! He takes full advantage of it. Am absolutely insane about this man’s back, shoulders, thighs. Kitana spies his statuesque, burly but beautiful anatomy with a discreet eye (she’s not discreet)

Kitana wearing red to match him and Havik wearing blue for her. They are EQUALLY whipped

Pls. Imagine the teasing

Johnny: You know, I hooked up with a princess too, once

Havik: She doesn’t need to be payed to act interested, Cage

Sindel: Be careful with Havik. His ambition is damning

Kitana: His vision is bright, mother

Johnny: I love a beauty and the beast story

Havik: Stop showing her your meaningless films! I’m tired of watching them!

Mileena: A man, sister?

Kitana: It seems I have no valid defense

Johnny: 20 bucks says my boyfriend beats your girlfriend, any day

Havik: Are you so desperate to lose?

[crypticjackal13]

The Confession Headcanons were so adorable! Thank you for making the Headcanons. My heart absolutely warmed. I have something lingering in my mind lately, how would you picture Mayor, Syntax and Red Son having a enemies to lovers trope with you? -🎲 Anon

Enemies to lovers my beloved 💞

Mayor, Syntax, and Redson x GN!Reader, Enemies to Lovers Headcanons!

Mayor

You two probably met via Bone Demon BS. 

You may have a neat little artifact that he’s after for his lady, so naturally he goes after you. Unlike many of his other victims, however…you are scarily good at getting away from him.

He’s a ruthless hunter, you have to admit. You learn bits and pieces about him while you play cat and mouse, and it leads to an interesting type of friendship.

He shows up, you two have a pleasant conversation, he tries to steal from you, and you grab a spray bottle full of holy water and kick him out. 

Honestly, the routine is refreshing for him! It’s hard being a zombie, running a city, AND serving a demon mistress!

After he gets his butt handed to him by Wukong, interrogated by the gang, and then promptly gets left behind by his lady, he shows up after everything is over to talk to you. 

He’s in a sorry state…you almost feel bad for him. But he swears that he’s not trying to get anything from you. He just wants to spend time with a comforting familiar face.

It takes a while, but you both really connect with each other and eventually you end up dating :)

Syntax

When his queen sent him to find more potential spider subjects, he thought he’d have a harder time.

You have a lot of potential. You’re dedicated, hardworking…you really do meet the criteria!

Unfortunately for him, you were there during the first spider attack, so you’ve got a darn good idea about how to fend off any potential arachnid attackers. 

He keeps on trying with you, and one day you catch him face to face. You actually manage to beat him up pretty bad—Huntsman laughed at him for hours after he got back to the base

But he knew that this wasn’t about a subject anymore…no, he was delighted in being YOUR enemy. 

He targets you in his schemes a lot, and you can really tell how much of a tsundere he actually is once you’ve been kicking him off of the fire escape for long enough.

Eventually you start leaving peace offerings. Like c’mon, this man is built like a twig, give him some snacks

He finds it odd but he welcomes the meals. Things slow down and even though he still gets on your nerves…you consider him to be your friend.

Once all the Bone Demon BS is over, it takes a hot second but he starts showing up again, and as you both recover from the near end of the world, you click really nicely and you’ll actually probably be the first to make any moves!

Redson

You’re the child of a different demon family, but one that has been allied with the Demon Bull Family for ages. So naturally you two were SUPPOSED to be friends.

Buuuut it’s kinda hard trying to be friends with a kid who not only has mad daddy issues but also mad anger issues. 

Your families still get along but by the gods they don’t leave you two unsupervised because something will be set on fire or destroyed.

You two constantly push each other’s buttons, ESPECIALLY as adults, and sometimes you thwart Redson’s schemes on purpose just to mess with them. 

…and directly after you go over to their place to have dinner and gossip with his mom.

Some special event happens, perhaps a celebration of the fact that the world didn’t end

Hear me out. It’s a gala. Everyone’s dressed up. Including you and Red.

There’s a dance. EVERYONE NEEDS A PARTNER. YOU AND RED ARE DANCE PARTNERS AND EVEN THOUGH YOU BOTH ACT LIKE YOU HATE IT…

you gotta admit to each other that man, you both look fineeee. 

They tell you that they���ve done some reflecting since the apocalypse began and ended, and they know that most of the time they seem upset(because mostly they are) 

but they do feel some sense of contentment when they’re with you. And do you feel the same? And why do you have that weird smile? No no no do NOT DIP ME—

“I like you too, Red Boy.” >:3

/////// “IT’S REDSON” >:V