#zero change in behavior
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Thinking about how the death that broke the canary curse happened in the End and how the End has Strange Properties in general
Pulling this concept over with part of my self-inflicted-curse concept
With said concept Jimmy’s the canary because his hope and determination manifests in a sort of safety net around the server. He saves them through virtue of Being Alive and being a hopeful moron (/pos). Under normal circumstances, no one can die until he does
Lizzie was already in a hopeless state because she was so isolated. It was hard enough to hear the “song” from where she was, but her going to the End cut her off completely (again, weird qualities)
With the safety net gone, she’s able to fall
Also should say that while I don’t think Lizzie has the curse now, I do think her circumstances were essential in breaking it. She fell into a despair so deep even the manifestation of hope couldn’t save her
#secret life spoilers#mostly copy pasted from my twt#also something about Jimmy dying second supports this#man ran HEADFIRST into fighting a warden and a wither#zero change in behavior#man has NOT beat his curse for good#this is also my attempt at intertwining their stories#but like without reducing Lizzie’s role to curse-breaker#she was incredibly sad no one came to her party#and so she died in the most impossibly poetic way#trafficblr#jimmy solidarity#ldshadowlady
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ngl A 'agency ass kisser' du mortain not giving a fuck about rebecca here was kinda hot <3
#also rebecca prioritize your childs needs challenge#and then she goes off on Them right after this 💀#like yes girl <333 you're so good at hypocrisy <33#sorry but cannot bring myself to be sympathetic w her when she's still making zero effort to change her behavior#pearl.txt#the wayhaven chronicles#twc spoilers#twc book 4#a du mortain
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I really don't get the binary everyone insists on re: jkr. Like "she's always been kinda terrible" and "she's become dramatically worse over the last couple of years" are absolutely not mutually exclusive. Like I'm genuinely unsure what we're doing here.
#its cope to act like she was better than she was and Online Radicalization is the sole reason she's like this now#but tbh its also cope to act like she's always been exactly like this and there has been zero change at all in her politics and behavior#like that's not true. you know that's not true. what's going on.
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hey guyss
small rant thing about personal 🏳️⚧️ stuff below, sorry if it sounds annoying 😭
Lately for the past 2 years, I've been thinking about going by other alternative names. Because ever since I've started to actually understand my trans identity, my current one has been feeling pretty meh (for various reasons), y'know?
Even though I've been picky and thinking about it for a while, I think I've found a name that I kinda like: Vivien. While i guess it tends to be thought of as more feminine, I think I like the more androgynous feeling of this name, and I like that it can occasionally still be interpreted as "masc".
But the reason why I'm sharing this is is because, tbh, I'm kinda scared to share it with friends and family irl. Not because my friends would care (or that I would be in danger!!!!!!! im safe!!!), but because 2 years ago (after I came out as trans) I had picked out a different name and mentioned it to two members of my family. Both times I got made fun of. ☹️
It wasn't even a crazy name, either- like mold or sock. Was it a bit uncommon? Sure, but it wouldn't turn any heads. One of the family members I told was my mom, and her knee-jerk reaction was to VEHEMENTLY say that she wouldn't let me call myself that </3 (again, the name was normal.) But when she caught wind of her reaction really hurting me, all of sudden she had a complete 180 and told me that she thought the name was cute and encouraged me to use it, even though she made it VERY CLEAR that she DID NOT like the name. 🙁 and it's like hi um no thanks. I will not be calling myself that anymore what
Ever since then, I've been a bit scared to open up about any name-related stuff. ☹️ So I was thinking that maybe, for any mutuals who might happen to see this, that you guys could maybe call me Vivien for like, a week? As a trial run? I want to sort of break out of this shell, but I don't think I'm ready to even mention it to my friends yet. 🙁 Of course, I won't stop you guys from referring to me as my user, but I just want to see if this is something that I like enough to risk being made fun of again 😭
And maybe you guys could tell me your thoughts on the name, too? Personally I think it's pretty androgynous, but I don't really want to go by something that could only be interpreted as feminine and just screams "GIRL!!!!!🫵 GIRL!!!!!!🫵WOMANNN!!!!!!!!!! 🫵🫵🫵🫵" y'know?
xoxo ig, see you guys later *rides away on skateboard*
#sorry if this reads as like “boohoo my fee fees are hurt 🥺🥺🥺🥺”#they are but it could've been a lot worse for me#I'm glad that I have support (especially from my parents) but a lot of feels just like.#“haha okay whatever you say. love you!!!!” *does not change their behavior*#really I have it MUCH better than others. I wasn't kicked out or disowned; my parents still really love me#but like... YEOWCH man. especially with past comments my mom has made about this stuff (very “me me me” yknow?) (im still mad 2 yrs later)#my mom has FINALLY started to be a bit better about misgendering me#but there's ABSOLUTELY ZERO effort from my dad 😍😍😍 and it hurts everytime 😍😍😍#so uh. yeah. skibidi toilet or whatever. 👍#blog#rant#transgender#God forbid I mention neopronouns- that would absolutely cross the line for them ☹️ So I won't! <333#<- was only a small thought anyways. but who knows! I might continue looking into it#sorry for the rant :P
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horizon zero dawn | aloy 19/?
#horizon zero dawn#hzd#aloy#her feet look so natural on the branch! that doesn't happen all the time so i love it when it does :D#wearing:#banuk sickness eater#my beloved#hzd aloy#btw i know tumblr has been having some ... Issues lately ... but prior to All That they changed the header behavior in the post editor#and i REALLY APPRECIATE IT thank u whoever made that happen#don't have to scroll up constantly to switch between rich text and html or to switch between blog/sideblog <3
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#yoongi getting busted for scooting under the influence#was not on my bingo card#the difference in crisis management#with a US celebrity and a bts member is stark#maybe the coverage and reaction was different in korea but#for the celebrity to publish the update themselves#before news and gossip sites can even get to it#the IMMEDIATE and all encompassing acceptance of guilt and apology issuance#here you generally only get that as part of a plea deal#was he actually arrested though?#all these thoughts and reactions#coming from zero knowledge of how this stuff works in korea#i have so many questions though#like how drunk really was he#and how was there randomly a cop right there by his house#not condoning his behavior but#i feel for him#having to break his social media silence#to admit this embarrassing mistake#having to wear it SO publicly#especially as someone who has been put on this pedestal of perfection for a decade#the overall punishment and social impact doesn’t totally seem justified#like he’s on his knees over a tipsy scooter ride#there are a lot of celebrities with flourishing careers who have done….way worse#hope both he and the world can afford him a little grace with this#we’re all humans who make poor judgement calls sometimes#a suga SUI who could have imagined#marketing thoughts#also reserve the right to change these opinions based on additional info being learned
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"She ruined Petrus for me" is NOT a phrase that should have came to exist. 🤦♂️
#/vent#personal#yes it is about anna again#I reflected on it again and I think I figured particularities of her betrayal#she has been playing both teams (lore council vs loozzers)#loozzers = lozza (their common nicknamw for laurence) + word looser#because this is what those cultish witch hunting freaks ARE#she's been playinh both teams seeking for the signs of which one will win#this is why she defended me this is why she followed saintmic this is why she lied about forgiving me#and when eugene started to publicly humiliate me again anna decided I was done for and-#-flipped on the dime showing her true face#not to mention how she only 'apologized' for her backstabbing because I was vagueblogging and-#-she hoped she could stop me#she supported very open public humiliation and hateful propaganda yet-#-vagueblogging was where she draws the line? lol lmao even#literally she admitted she didn't care about what alfred-chan did to me and fantomette because-#-it didn't concern her personally ���♂️#playing winning side instead of doing whats right + claiming to do good while being-#-vile and fake + being 'proudly christian' when there is nothing christian about her at all#absolute petrus behavior lol#I think she is the only one I still HATE and not just 'mad at'#i gave her THREE chances to make up for it and she blew up ALL of them#not to mention claiming me actually clinically depressed person is 'a danger for-#-depressed people' based on the notion that I blow up and get rude if someone hurts me.#not to mention saying I never changed from my awful behavior from six years ago based-#-on the same notion (plot twist even healthy people can blow up when they're harassed and hurt-#-on PURPOSE)#not to mention mocking me with subpar-zero when they were the one who fucked up#if you dont want to be hurt by vagueblogs then stop stalking me!!! its that easy?!
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instead of artificially bumping your unfinished fics to the first page every few days, consider:
💫 updating them instead 💫
#i normally dont super care about ppl editing the dates on their fics to bump them back to the first page#what i DO care about is seeing the same unfinished fic with 3/? chapters being constantly thrown in my face every day#without the chapter count or content ever changing#like my buddy my friend. instead of irritating both your readers and POTENTIAL readers#with this deeply tiresome engagement-farming behavior that frankly doesnt belong on ao3#consider. updating your fic. instead#you get back on the first page AND your readers actually get content instead of active disappointment when they see the fic they follow#is back on the front page#yet has ZERO new chapters#spirit chats#deeply deeply annoying behavior
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reading runaway max is just drawing a little frowny face in the margins every other paragraph basically 😞
#MAX MAYFIELD I LOVE YOU SO MU H#she has had the roughest life my god give her a BREAK#PLEASE#also in reading this my hatred for b*lly has been EVEN MORE solidified. like it was already rock fuckin solid before but good GOD#he is SO MUCH WORSE#i am once again baffled that people can look at him and think he has ANY desire to be better or change#this man has ZERO remorse for anything#and god the way max describes him SMILING and LAUGHING and looking positively DELIGHTED every time he is actively causing harm#SERIAL KILLER BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!#he does not want nor deserve a redemption arc#n e ways. enough about that rat bastard (derogatory)#max mayfield is SO GOOD and i am once again floored by how much i love her#runaway max#stranger things#max mayfield
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perhaps the reason why aup ended like *that* is because it was not supposed to have a happy ending in the first place, but sayren didnt have the guts to deal with readers' backlash for when they finally kill off the main character so a half baked happy ending is what we get 😔
#for a happy ending of a story to be narratively satisfying the characters gotta actively work hard for it#this happy ending feels empty because quite frankly speaking ludger did nothing to deserve it#he has zero character developments from the beginning to the end and has always been the same#well except for his emotional state getting worse over time#bc instead of making any attempt at all to healthily address it like a mentally mature 40yo adult he let it swallow him whole#(not that im necessarily blaming him but its quite frustrating to see him remain unchanged if aup is meant to be a redemption story)#his OPness is inherent#his genius is inherent#(this is not to say he isnt hardworking / only relying on his inborn talents but the author repeatively failed the 'show dont tell' checks)#(bc it was only implied in the past and we've never truly seen it in the canon present timeline either)#his kindness is inherent#ngl dad!ludger content doesnt appeal to me as much as dad!edgeworth cuz the latter is the fruit of the character's growth and hard labor#while the former is well... its just who he is#usually i love found family content but in aup it bores my mind out bc his interactions w the students + owens are so static & predictable#it was heartwarming at the moment of adoption but later on i find it as tedious as reading generic established romantic relationships#was it because of the lack of tensions and conflicts i wonder#they all became his yes men and no one ever actively challenged his unhealthy mindset or behaviors#anyway id have been more interested if he recognized his biases/favoritism/prejudices towards some certain characters & worked to change it#but welp. that would require character growth which is too much to expect from him ig#he has learnt quite nothing from his journey and tbh aup would ironically feel more meaningful if it ended on a tragic note#ofco i got noblesse'd again 😔#would i kill for aup to have a happy ending? yes#would i rather have a sad ending over the half baked and empty good ending we get? also yes#if it must burn then let the whole world burn. cuz at least it would be more much memorable and impactful that way#and i wouldnt have to feel this disappointed and lose all of my interests in one of my only two beloved aroace MCs in aup </2#rant
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I will always always always feel that if someone treats me badly, it’s for one of two reasons. One, they don’t realize it because they don’t think enough of me to know what they’re doing. Or two, I’ve done something to earn the treatment. Rationally, I know I don’t deserve that. But I’m still going to feel like this.
#i was told I am not a priority but someone who used to be my best friend#i hate getting left behind#i don’t know what to do about it#there’s nothing to do#and I’ve had enough experience sharing my feelings#with this person in particular#and being met with lip service and zero change in behavior#so I don’t think saying I feel this way does any good#because how could I think it would change anything?#so all it would bring is making us both feel bad#i just feel like it’s kinder to let her go and not drag her back#but it still hurts
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literally so many reconciliation fics are like. wwx goes and loiters near LP like a sad yet hopeful puppy. jc shows up and goes 'you stupid fucking asshole, you were responsible for the deaths of my entire family and I hate you. you're disgusting also. don't you dare think about showing any physical affection towards your husband, who I also hate, in front of me because I will literally vomit. of course I don't hate gay people. how could you say that. how dare you come here. okay come in and have some food. you asshole. shut up. I will break your legs' and then he physically shoves him or something and wwx is happy about this? he's almost crying he's like like 'aw man you really do love me I belong here' happy family times are assumed to commence end fic. I can't do this anymore
#stop babying a 35 year old man PLEASE#im of the bold opinion that jc is responsible for his actions#and maybe if he wants to have a relationship with someone he's mistreated in the past he should maybe act better towards him#radical though ik....#also the homophobia is constant and SO casual and glossed over. like actually I think pretending to vomit when his gay brother#holds hands with his husband is extremely rude and meant to make them ashamed and uncomfortable#maybe he should try to not do that since he apparently loves wwx SO MUCH#idek if he's a younger sibling that shit sucks and in a homophobic setting its really not funny#like 'oh he's just like that' well if he's just like that then wwx has zero reason to seek reconciliation with him#he can't be whining about being left all alone when he refuses to change his behavior and remains this shitty...#there is a difference between being prickly/abrasive and just hurling physical and verbal abuse around#and then demanding emotional labor from others in order to stop being sad and angry. like jc makes his emotions everyone else's problem#cql txp
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Okay, so who knows how to make money when you can hardly move your body?
Especially in a place that is very unlikely to care about accommodating disabilities…
I think I’m going to drop dead one of these days.
I feel like such absolute TrashDookieGarbage.
I don’t think I’m suicidal.
I’m honestly too squeamish about it, and also I’m convinced that I would probably fail at that anyway, since that’s all I ever seem to be able to do, so why even bother trying, ya know?
But my body is just going to stop.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck.
#I’m being carted off to Florida once again#damn my mental illness#and damn my ex#i can’t believe he rescinded his offers of help#I can’t believe he kept everything in until it blew up our relationship#I warned him very specifically about that when we met#like you have to tell me if something is bothering you#or I will not know#and then to not help me because I couldn’t get out within a single month#like even fully able bodied neurotypicals would struggle with that#I have been Completely Destroyed by it#like I’m so physically weak I have been having to take baths instead of showers#I took a shower last week and almost passed out#I have absolutely no physical or emotional energy#and while I am grateful I have people who will help me not be literally homeless#being with my mother is The Worst Thing For ME#she has zero ability to change her behavior#she promises she will be respectful of my personal space and feelings#and then puts on Fox News the second we get to the hotel#and tells me ‘don’t be triggered’#and then that I am ‘an ugly person’ for being upset about it#normally I am able to hold back how I actually feel about her when I’m around her#but I do not have that ability right now#and she just knows exactly the wrong thing to say#to push my buttons like her name is Joe and she works in a button factory#I just seriously can’t fucking handle it#while I was being extremely dramatic on a phone call with my brother and step dad#the immediate dismissal from Every Single One of them#of my expressal of distress about how mom literally abused me#just 😑😑😑😑😑
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i am Actually done with vet med to the point where i'm not waiting to get accepted to a grad program i'm applying to coffee shop jobs NOW.
#gay and obscure nonsense#there's just Zero trust between me and certain coworkers to the point where it's interfering with the actual job#because people Don't Fucking Listen To Me about important things and report me for random shit#and when i try to change my behavior based on the feedback i get from that someone ELSE gets mad at me (or the same person sometimes)#so i can't fucking win and the manager doesn't realize it because she's never on the floor!!!!#i literally don't even know what she does other than hire people and tell people that other people complained about them#it's just not fucking worth it lmao if it keeps up like this i'm gonna get blamed for something REALLY bad#this was supposed to be the job that made being a vet tech a viable career to live on but my opportunities for advancement have vanished#because the person who was supposed to be my mentor is a fucking psychopath#and i literally only got a 20 cent raise over what i was making in general practice so i'm doing a much harder job with no incentive#surrounded by two faced bitches who need to tear others down to feel okay about themselves#i'm OUT lmao. i know food service sucks but at least i won't have to watch people's pets die every day there
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#I don't think I really have the energy to flesh out this post and I've got even less to deal with people twisting my words#so we get a tag post instead of a post; but I really wish american leftists would study what's going on in Ukraine#not just cause more support would be good; but because I see a lot of parallels in behavior between SJ movements and Ukrainian activism#I think there's some real lessons that could be learned if they engaged and paid attention#what lessons? come back with a warrant#I honestly fucking refuse to elaborate cause I don't trust people enough to listen and understand what I'm saying#I can't say anything without saying too much; and I don't feel like tipping my hand even slightly#I just think that the american left might learn some lessons about how they do stuff if they looked at Ukraine#and maybe they'd want to change up how they did stuff to be more effective#but then again I doubt they'd get the point I'm hoping to hammer home#all that aside... every day I keep any ear to the ground about Ukraine#everyday I hope for miracles but prepare to keep ridding along doing the little I can; in it till every inch of land is returned#I know this post gives like zero info; and like I said; there's reasons for that#you really really want to know; you can probably ask me and I'll consider telling you#though I may not; who knows#don't think I have any Ukrainians following me; so probably not relevant#do have american leftists following me; and really rather than explaining I'll just say follow some Ukrainians for a couple months#come talk with me then and we'll see if we can figure out any lessons that might make US movements better
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this is going to haunt me for so long i cant stand when people dont like me. my boss’ response to me leaving hurt my feelings so much like who cares that doesnt matter but wow she was not a nice person
#i shouldnt care bc she sucked and couldnt do her job and didnt give a shit about me#i know every time she talked super nice to me she was acting her ass off talking to me like im a child and not listening to me#she was probably mocking me to everyone when i wasnt there#made zero effort to talk to me when i quit oh also she never once spoke to me outside of shifts when we saw each other#it was like i did not exist if she saw me#maybe it was just my autism and extreme social anxiety that she saw as me being an asshole#and i will have to change everything about myself and behavior to survive in a job#neither of the managers seemed to give a shit about me either#it felt like i was a toddler that no one liked that they had to passively find something to do with#i say things#i really liked the store tho it was in a nice place and wasnt too bright#even tho i saw a mouse in the break roo#m#really sad it didnt work out#i will self medicate with two packets of sleepytime tea instead of one
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