2015project

[2015project]

January 9, 2015

Went to the movies today, followed by some back-to-school shopping. The movie we saw was Night at the Museum 3, and it was pretty good, except for one thing. Of course we happened to choose the session of the movie that all the little ratbags from Vacation Care were attending. Worse still, I was stuck sitting next to one annoying little kid. He didn't want to sit there either, I presume, because he asked his friend to swap seats. The friend replied instantly. He said "I'm not sitting next to HER!" - which of course caused both me and Mum to burst out laughing. Then, when the movie was nearly over, I looked around to my right to see the stupid kid climbing over the back of the seat. As he came down, he ended up practically SITTING on me, the little mongrel. I gave him a death glare, but he was unfortunately looking the other way. I survived the ordeal and kept my sanity, and we went looking for school shoes for Lauren.

All the shoes in Myer had too-thick straps, apparently. (Why she even WANTS shoes with straps in this day and age is completely beyond me). At Payless Shoes, she found a pair she liked, but they didn't come in her size (further proof that it's a silly, childish style!) At Williams Shoes, she finally got a pair. I, however, have no idea what they look like because I was too busy talking to Squirrel, who was also on a shoe-hunt for her and her sister. It appears Squirrel is as fussy about shoes as she is about food. Nothing heeled, nothing strapped (duh!), no Converses, no Doc Martens - I've got no clue if she ended up getting anything at all actually.

Then it was stationery shopping. I got all my books, pens, etc., as well as another roll of contact for covering the books. I might start that tomorrow. Had Subway for dinner, Mum + Dad getting pizza (arriving as I write). Going to Grandma's house tomorrow night. Mum and Dad are going to see 2 Cellos, which I would have liked to go to but unfortunately could not. Looks like tomorrow will be another night of "locking myself in the front room with the ukelele whilst Lauren brainwashes Grandma with very lame dog movies". Actually, it'll probably be very lame dolphin movies tomorrow. She bought herself Dolphin Tale 2 today. The first movie was bad enough. Why it deserves a sequel escapes me completely, but whatever.

[2015project]

January 8, 2015

Once again, I began the day by not walking. Lauren and Dad went on their walk around here and Mum went on her 10km walk. It was too early and too hot for the 10km, but I wouldn't have minded taking the local route. The problem is, Dad and Lauren walk it. If they didn't, I would. As Green Day say in Boulevard of Broken Dreams, 'I walk alone'. I'll need to find myself another route.

Most of today was uneventful, but in the mid-afternoon, I finally managed to find a bag I liked online. I also discovered that all my song titles were already in use.

Then Angela came over in the late afternoon/early evening. She stayed for dinner, and I splurged on some splice icecream, fruitcake and a caramel ball. But no chocolate. So at least I've got that going for me, which is good.

[2015project]

January 7, 2015

So I've been dragged out to the stupid vineyards today against my will. Just because Lauren's at a party. They said "she's not here, so let's do something fun!" This isn't fun. Maybe for them, but for me it's more like some sort of a punishment. First they had the cricket blaring over the radio and giving me a throbbing headache, but now we're listening to Tim McGraw instead. Don't get me wrong, he's okay, but right now listening to that guy sing soppy love songs while Mum rests her hand on Dad's lap as he drives makes me feel like nothing more than the third wheel. I feel like I'm THIRD-WHEELING MY OWN PARENTS!! That's a new low, even for me. Worse still, even just the phrase "third-wheeling" makes me think of December 27 and how I screwed up everything that day. So now I'm using my sunglasses to hide the tears that fall down my face as Tim croons, Mum and Dad chat and I remember. I can't even put my earphones in and blast my "anti-love" playlist I made for times like this. Why? Because my phone is on 20% since I hadn't planned on leaving the house today. I was planning to go on a walk; play darts; maybe write another song; read a book. Anything but go to bloody wineries. At least I finished Fangirl before I left. It was the best book I've read all year. Yes, it was partly a romance, but books are different. I can handle that, because it's in context. Love songs by themselves are bullshit. You've got someone. Sing to them, don't torture the single pringles with your harmonic flirtations. At least my songs have a plot, a storyline. At least I'm trying to achieve something.

At Winery No. 1, I sat on the porch and read An Abundance of Katherines. Mum + Dad met some guy who used to live in Hull St, and they bought a case of wine (duh).

At Winery No. 2, there was cheese + biscuits, so at least I could be mildly interested. I learnt a bit about wine, and was told to consider getting a degree in winemaking. Mum shared her pineapple epiphany with the waitress, who was surprised. Apparently Mum only learned last night at trivia how pineapples grow, despite the fact that it was featured on Better Homes and Gardens last year.

Winery No. 3 wasn't a winery. It was the Pandora Estate olive oil place. There were oils, mayos and dukkahs to taste, as well as two dogs. (You couldn't taste the dogs.)

Winery No. 4, we had coffee and chilli cornbread. Predictably, Mum's first coffee wasn't hot enough. The bread was divine. Then we picked up Lauren from Taylor's house. Her little brother was scared of me. Ham, avocado, salad and the final chilli relish for tea. Before that, I played darts, practised piano and locked myself in my room to sing whilst they went for a swim. Still no FB, thanks for the impulsive w(h)ine day. No walk today either. There are multiple reasons I declined a swim, but I think one is that I can't bear (bare?) it because it reminds me of Boxing Day.

Mum said I could have a party this year. I think I'll invite a lot of people, including guys, so no campout this year. Still trying to come up with a way to include Aiden on the guest list without seeming too suspicious/desperate. Looks like I won't be seeing them until Feb 7, if then. I think Mum's still pissed about the tea and the gingerbread. I don't know what I'd do if she and Karen had a falling out. Probably come out of the closet, I guess. It wouldn't matter anymore. Lauren knows I write songs now. Luckily, she's uninterested. Also, if I have this big party, I'll need to find a way to get Squirrel, El, and Brando to get along. Lauren's being a total bitch about Resolution No. 5. She doesn't get that she's not really the subject. Mum is. This diary is really helping me with letting off steam somewhere other than in her direction. I seriously think I could make it through the year without any big fights with her. Oh, and Chocolate Free January (Sweet/Dessert/Sugar Free January) is still going strong!

[2015project]

January 6 2015

Woke up at 6:30 today thanks to the stupid garbage truck. Didn't get much sleep after. Woke up again at 7:15 because of a large, stupid, noisy digger thing levelling out the yard next door. Until about 9:30, I thought today was Wednesday... Oops. Lauren + Dad went on walk, I wasn't invited - even though I was up before then. Read magazine and stuck posters up in cupboard.

Spent the rest of the day doing nothing much. Helped Mum with stupid "psychometric tests" for a job application thing. Helped with logic and reading tests, but my head was too sore from the screen to help with the math test (it would've been too hard for me anyway). Spent the afternoon playing darts and reading Fangirl instead. Then Mum + Lauren went out and Dad was at doctors so I worked on my song (almost got caught, but just by Dad.) Went to trivia in the evening. No modern music questions that I knew, but I was the only one who got "the opposite of flammable" (non flammable, by the way). Didn't win, or get 2nd or 3rd. Didn't even get the jackpot, though I would've guessed it. I won a munchie pack though, and no pretzels this time. Apparently, the elephant bird called Madagascar home. Lucky guess, I guess. Still continuing #chocolatefreejanuary. Yes I know I just hashtagged. That's because I would have coined that hashtag by now if I had remembered to push Mum about the Facebook thing. I'm still going to do it, just when she's in a good mood and I feel brave enough.

[2015project]

January 5, 2015

So, a big, long day of shopping today. The original plan was to leave at 8, but I didn't get up 'til 7:30, and even then I had to be woken up. First we went to IKEA, where I got... Nothing. We didn't really get much at all. Like, 50% of all our purchases there were "Fantastisk" serviettes. (That translates to "awesome", by the way). Then we went to DFO where I got 2 skirts + a nice black shirt from Forever New. I also got some annoyed looks from Dad + Lauren about spending too long in the shop. I had Subway for lunch, ordered the usual, and they forgot to charge extra for the avocado. Lauren has Oporto and the parents had Mexican.

We then went to Costco. Didn't get anything deserving a mention there. The rest of them had pizza for tea. I looked for something without chicken or cheese on the menu, but that only left the sugary desserts and the hotdog. And I hate hotdogs. Instead I had a dries but thingamajig which we'd bought inside. Sometimes I think this diary is becoming too much about food...

Oh, and my magazine came today. It's "the love issue" and 5SOS are in the cover, so it's sure to be an interesting (and relevant) read. Tomorrow. It's 9:30 already.

[2015project]

January 4, 2015.

Ugh. It's so hot today! Mum woke me up to ask if I wanted to join her on her walk at 9:30am. I declined and went back to sleep. Then I woke up to discover that Dad and Lauren had already been on a walk. We then went to put up the dartboard, but instead of mounting it to the wall like any normal person would, he made this weird wooden pedestal thing to put it on instead. That was incredibly unstable, so it came back down rather quickly. We then put my picture frame together (or at least we tried.) It didn't work, because Dad only used corner reinforcers rather than glue. We reconsidered, and now it's out in the theatre room with the glue drying. The dartboard then went up on the wall and we had a game. Lauren almost caught me writing just then, I think I've lost the advantage of her thinking that it's an electronic diary. We're going to the city tomorrow to go shopping, so I need to find something to wear. Then I think I'll go back to reading Fangirl. It's an insanely good book!

I took Charlotte for a walk today, and when I went through the bush, I saw that the litterers have been back. The tree branch which I placed across the track was not only removed, but broken in half. These people are obviously not to be messed with. Next time I'm alone, I think I'll call up the council and report these assholes for what they're doing to the bush. Hopefully I'll have enough phone credit to do so.

We had chicken for dinner. They didn't tell me until afterwards, but it was apparently the VERY SAME CHICKEN as that shitty, plastic-tasting stuff we had last year! Only difference, it was cooked on the BBQ. You could have fooled me into thinking it was fresh!

Then however, Mum went and asked me how much I've been weighing lately. I told her the truth (47.1, although I made it rather vague and said 47 point something) and she went in about how she doesn't want me to become anorexic and blah blah blah. I'm not going to. She needs to understand that it's my fight, not here. She should worry about herself, and maybe Lauren, but I'm fine.cim on cloud nine (whatever that even is) compared to this time last year. I was 52 in 2013. I've come so far and I'm learning to be happy. But I still want to go further. It's just hard when there are skinny, sporty, dark-and-mysterious, funny, dirty-minded, experienced, not-single, perfect-haired people like Anna who have all the guys begging at their feet, including all the guys you like. Except one, but you've already blown your chances with him. But you can't even hate this person, let the anger out that way, because they're one of your best friends. You can't hate them, so the only person left to hate is yourself. And when you hate yourself, you hate the fact that you hate yourself. So you decide to change that. And to change that, you change yourself. You change yourself for the better. And Mum just needs to get it through her fucking brain that I'm not hurting myself. I'm helping myself. I'm giving myself a chance to rise up to their level, to win something occasionally. Like a game in P.E. Or someone's heart. Because my days of losing are over.

Now I've got that out of the way, on a side note, I've decided that I'm not going to take any electronic devices on the cruise. It'll be a time for good old-fashioned fun (and no, eating does NOT count as fun, with any luck I'll keep my diet.). And while we're there, this diary will live in the safe in the room, where Lauren can't find it.

Shopping in the city tomorrow. And that means Costco pizza. Yay. (note the heavy sarcasm). But it also (hopefully) means DFO. That's good.

[2015project]

January 3, 2015.

I had the weirdest dream last night. First I dreamt that for some reason, Karen and family were going to come on the cruise with us, and that the night before we boarded the ship, Aiden sent me a long text with lots of emojis explaining how he was hopelessly in love with me. But that was, in fact, a dream within a dream. I woke up on the cruise already (just our family), but realised I hadn't packed anything except that stupid black formal dress and my diary (this diary). I then looked out the window and saw, instead of the ocean, a view of suburban roads similar to the view out the window of the school bus. Then I realised that it was only a virtual window, but someone then assured me that that was the actual view. Lauren and I began making our way to the top of the ship, but I woke up (for real this time) before we could get there. The mystery remains unsolved.

Oh no. Lauren now knows I have a diary, and I'm afraid she'll stop at nothing to get her hands on it. She's upstairs now, rewatching TMI, so I'm safe for the moment. Just about to go upstairs to try the crab dip. Mum's decided to make a ham, cheese + egg bake for dinner. It seems to be going ok. Also, I read like 4 chapters of CoHF today, hopefully I'll finish tomorrow if not tonight. Tried to print Steve book but failed miserably. Upside down text and wonky staples. Perhaps I'll try again tomorrow.

Crab dip didn't happen. Mum's dish was tasty, if a little greasy and guilt-inspiring. Lauren still hasn't found diary, which is very good. At dinner though, whilst Mum was discussing Karen and family's "lack of table manners" (including comparing ME to her when I SIMPLY FORGOT TO PUT OUT SERVIETTES! I mean come on, I never actually USE the things anyway!) I called her on it. I said "Can't we have just one time when that family comes over and you don't go on about their table manners for WEEKS afterwards?!" Then Lauren smirks at me and says "you just want that family to come over again." That little brat had better not reveal my innermost thoughts and secrets. When they find out, it will be from me and only me. If they find out. After dinner, I was downstairs in my room reading when Mum randomly decides that we're going on a family walk. I wasn't going to argue, and in fact I liked the idea, so I went along with it. Lauren took some more convincing though. Along the way, Mum was admiring some plants, and asked one lady what type of plants hers were. They were some sort of succulent thing, I can't remember the name, but it turns out this lady was trying to give hers away. So now it looks like we're going to get some plants on Tuesday (we're also going to trivia).

Started today at 47.1, still haven't broken my resolutions (although No. 5 is becoming somewhat controversial...) Just remembered, I still haven't followed Mum up about getting Facebook. Perhaps I'll do that tomorrow.

[2015project]

January 2, 2015.

So, nobody's trying to force me to swim today, which is good. I'd emailed Arianna my last song, and last night she emailed me back saying something about getting me a record deal. That's insane. There's no way I'm that good. Mum went walking today, but I didn't feel like coming, so I stayed home and played Words With Friends and Solitaire on my iPad. Then when Dad went to the pool shop I continued working on my new song. Dad's home now, so I'm probably going to go and give the key back to the people at No. 5. (Started the day at 47.2, by the way.)

Gave the key back, said hi to Carly and earned $50. Lauren and Mum in the pool, after a scare with a wasp stuck between the glass and screen doors. Once again, I didn't feel like going in. I played the piano and watched episode 3 of Librarians. Still no idea what happened in episode 2.

Had Subway for dinner. Considered Lan's (Lahn's? Lann's?) but decided against it. Followed with a fresh fruit assortment (mangoes + strawberries.) Then watched Mortal Instruments with Lauren. She enjoyed the movie, but was asking questions the whole way through. I just hate it when people do that! Also made it through another day without breaking resolutions!

Also, got a reply from Egg regarding lyrics. Says it's good. Presumed lyrics are all true (which they are) and congratulated me on "almost getting a boyfriend". Thanks for rubbing in the "almost" part, Egg. Oh well, I can still hope.

[2015project]

January 1, 2015.

This is my first attempt at keeping a diary. Apart from holiday diaries, which always seem to fail because of the ridiculously late hours I generally stay up until whilst overseas. Keeping a diary is one of my New Year's Resolutions for 2015. The others are as follows:

Lose weight

Eat more healthily

Practise my piano pieces/exercises every day

Keep a diary

Get along better with my family

Attempt some form of physical exercise every day.

My goals for 2015 (slightly different from resolutions but don't ask me how) are:

Achieve a B (or higher!) in PDHPE in one or both school reports

Get a boyfriend (yes, I know it's a long shot, but I have to try!)

Somehow get my parents to loosen up on what movies I (and Lauren) can and can't watch. (Seriously, they're the strictest parents I've ever seen in this regard (apart from Kylie's, but that's another story!))

I think I'll also set some smaller, short-term goals for January. Here they are:

Read all books in my "to-read" pile

Sew all the badges on my Girl Guides sash

Refrain from eating any sweets/junk food (at least until the cruise)

Oh yeah, and another resolution I forgot is that I'm giving up fast food (McDonald's, KFC, Hungry Jack's etc.). For good. Forever. I'm never going to eat another Macca's burger in my life. I'm also considering quitting white bread, but haven't come to a final decision on that one yet.

With regard to my weight loss resolution, I started out at a nice round 48 today, so I guess I'll see how far I can go from there.

Ugh. I had obviously forgotten that there was a plan to spend New Year's Day in the pool. The family tried to make me go swimming too, and claimed that it broke my 5th Resolution if I didn't. Getting along means being nice and respecting each other's choices and opinions, especially if they are different to your own. It doesn't mean always doing everything together. Instead of swimming, I began the day by taking Charlotte and Carly for a walk. I'm going to miss Carly when her owners come back. I then layed outside on the sunlounge for a while, reading City of Heavenly Fire and attempting to get more of a tan. We then had ham, cheese, lettuce and chilli relish sandwiches for lunch (grainy bread only for me), which were quite tasty. After lunch, I stayed for a while before retiring inside, where I pulled out my guitar from the dusty abyss of under my bed and continued working on my new song, previously known only as 12 but now with the new title of "Boxing Day", although the date of December 26 isn't mentioned once in the lyrics but whatever. I'm not going to write the song in here now, but perhaps I will in the future. As I was working on the song, Dad came in and demanded I have my bedroom door open. He claims that I'm being "secretive" by having it closed. What a hypocrite. They never tell or show me anything! Well, they're certainly not seeing this diary if I have any say in the matter. Which I should, considering it's my diary.

It's 10:20 now. We had beef, potatoes and stirfry veg for dinner. The beef was ok, but I'd prefer a steak. Mum loved it, so it's probably going to become a regular. Lauren and I then watched a movie. We watched Beethoven's Treasure Tail. I still can't believe they made 8 Beethoven movies. There are certainly better movies which deserved that many sequels. I sent Egg my new lyrics. No reply yet. At least I didn't break any of my resolutions on Day 1 this year. Woohoo!

[2015project]

Tomorrow, the story will begin.

As is the life of most 15-year-olds, there will be some rough topics covered throughout the course of the year. I'll do my best to tag accordingly, with the following tags (list updated as required) that can be filtered to avoid distressing content.

cw weight talk

cw food talk

cw self harm

cw nazi mention

The tag "admin" will be added to this post and anything else that's not from 2015. The tag "bonus content" will be added to non-diary content from the era that I feel supplements the entries.