#you're not actually obliged to just stay there and suffer

[demon-country]

Man, no wonder Stolas got literal heart eyes after Blitz did this. This was his "Harriet! Don't get on that train!" moment, the big gesture he so desperately wanted just so he'd know that Blitz really did care about him enough to want him to stay. He had been so sure that that was going to be the last time he ever saw Blitz, that the last thing he ever did would be saving Blitz's life, and Blitz's response was to fight against the chains dragging him away just so he could run to Stolas with a desperate, heart-wrenching plea not to sacrifice himself.

Blitz had thought for sure that he'd never be able to give Stolas the kind of dramatic romcom moment Stolas longed for, but the joke's on him and us, because even though we all knew he would inevitably end up giving Stolas one and were eagerly awaiting it, no one expected it to be like that. And yet, the writers pulled through for us once again, because there really could not have been a more meaningful and moving way for him to have done so.

Anything where Blitz actually said something along the lines of "don't get on that train", could have been misconstrued by both Stolas and irl media illiterate viewers as Blitz just saying what Stolas wanted to hear without actually meaning it (assuming Stolas even remembers that conversation). But there was nothing contrived about this, there was no time for him to have possibly thought about any potential romcom moments at all; he just saw that he was about to lose Stolas for good and fought as hard and as frantically as he could, just to beg Stolas not to take the fall for him. To not love him so much that he'd think Blitz was worth protecting with his very life.

And I don't even think he realizes just how much that meant to Stolas, to know that the man he loves would fight for him with such fervor, despite knowing that it was a fruitless effort. Blitz, without knowing it and without even realizing just how much raw, earnest, desperate love he was displaying, gave Stolas exactly the kind of overt and undeniable proof that he was loved and wanted that he had always needed.

Except that, as Stolas has already found out, that's not enough. He made his big gesture to Blitz and Blitz made one to him, and that's a great start, but love's not just shown through grand gestures and they're not what'll help you pick up the pieces when your world falls apart.

The smaller, softer, quieter gestures of love are what Stolas will need most going forward, but for someone who has received as little love in his life as Stolas has, who has suffered from depression for ages, and who has just lost almost everything (including his antidepressants!), it might end up being hard for him to tell the difference between what is done out of love and what is done out of mere obligation to repay a debt. Not to worry, though, because he'll learn how to spot it soon enough.

He'll see that sometimes love is shown by taking care of someone when they don't have the strength to do it themselves

And by taking them by the hand and giving them a place to rest when it all becomes too much for them to bear

And by catching them when they fall, even when you're upset with each other

And by being so comforting that they feel safe falling asleep and leaving themselves vulnerable next to you without any hesitation.

Perhaps the greatest injustice the world has dealt to Blitz is by convincing him that he ruins lives, when the truth is that the person behind his walls has a way of loving people that is so incredibly healing. Simply by being his real, honest self, he manages to give the people he cares about the kind of love they need the most, without even trying. Without even noticing how much his words and actions have affected them for the better.

And now that those walls have started to drop, his loved ones have been able to start showing how much they love and want to support him as well. I have faith that once Stolas has cottoned on to the little ways Blitz has been showing him that he cares, that he'll start reciprocating those gestures. The man is such a romantic and in the song Just Look My Way he even says "I can give you everything you need" as well as "and no matter what in this world I could give, it's not enough"; there's no way he won't eventually try to provide for and take care of Blitz once he's well enough to. He just needs some time to heal, and until then Blitz will be there, giving him the love and care that he needs to keep his head above water.

Tl;dr: all the people who said that Blitz would never be able to give Stolas what he needs in a partner have just been proven dead wrong on all counts, and will continue to be proven so.

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

Vodka Slime

pairing: alien!Seungcheol x fem!reader

genre: smut, mild comedy. minors dni.

warnings: monsterfucking, use of tentacles, dom!seungcheol, bratty reader, pussy slapping, bondage, implied size kink (reader is smaller than seungcheol), tummy bulge, squirting, masturbating, unprotected sex but reader is on the pill (pls stay safe), dirty talk, recording during sex (consensual but DON'T DO IT IRL), reader runs a nsfw twitter acc, alcohol consumption

word count: 2.7k

summary: picking up a hot guy from a bar to spend the night with was in your bucket list. him being an alien wasn't. not that you really complain.

Author's note: Spooky season is here and what better way to participate than a spooky smutty theme :) this was a request from Y anon!

p.s.: main inspiration for this fic was drawn by @meltwonu's Starlighter fic, it is a MUST read (like the rest of monster mash lmaooo)

taglist: @duhnova @smileysuh @gyuwoncheol (kindly suffer <3)

©multi-kpop-fanfics, 2023. No reposting allowed. No translations allowed without permission.

You kinda wish you had stayed at home.

You thought it would be a good idea to dress up and go to a bar on your own to enjoy a cocktail, hoping for a stroke of luck - Alas, things don’t always go your way.

If you had stayed home, you would be in comfy clothes or maybe no clothes at all, thinking of which toy you want to fuck yourself with. 

You let out a huff and you take your cocktail in your hand, opting for a ‘random walk’ around the bar (you just want to spot a single guy who wouldn’t mind to get laid tonight), but as soon as you turn around, you collide with a very firm body and your cocktail ends up splashing all over your top.

“Fuck!” You gasp when the ice cold beverage hits your skin, desperately looking for napkins to clean up the newly made mess.

“Shit, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that!” He apologizes profusely as he asks for napkins from the bartender. “Here, these should help somehow.” He passes you the napkins and you accept them with a grumble, trying your best to clean up yourself.

“Is there anything I can do to make it up to you, miss?”

“You can only-” you almost snap at him but your words die down in your throat when you raise your head and take a good look at the unknown man.

And all you see is the stroke of luck you were wishing for all night long.

Semi-pulled back white hair, slightly messed up from the wind outside, a tight fitted shirt accentuating his toned pecs and a jawline sharp enough to cut through your clothes.

“Well…” You put down the used napkins, “I wouldn’t mind a refill of that cocktail I was drinking.”

The unknown man flashes a rather adorable gummy smile and effortlessly takes a couple of bills out of his wallet.

“That, I can definitely do.”

"So, a college student. That's pretty cool."

You almost snort in your drink. "Oh yeah, it's so cool to stress over random classes because the professor happens to be a dickhead." 

"Hey, don't downplay your achievements. It's not like everyone has the brains to attend college, you know." The man plays with the rim of his glass.

"It's actually funny how hard you're trying to get my attention, while you don't even know my name." You down your cocktail.

"And here I was wondering whether you'd bring it up or not." He chuckles. 

"Well? Are you satisfied now, mister I don't know-what-your-name-is?"

"Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol."

"What?"

"That's my name, doll."

"Oh." You gulp down. "That's a very nice name you have there."

“So I’ve been told before.”

“By other girls, I suppose?”

“I’m not obligated to share this information, doll.”

“Suit yourself then.” You shrug and open your purse, taking out a small folded mirror to check your makeup.

“I’m impressed.” Seungcheol licks the corner of his mouth, “It’s the first time someone isn’t giving their attention to me.”

“You either have a bloated ego or you’re a desperate attention whore. Or both, I guess.” You sigh.

“And you have a pretty foul mouth for such a pretty face.”

“Cliché.”

“Did it work?”

“I’m not obligated to share this information, mister Choi.” You mimic his attitude.

“Are you even willing to share something with me, other than a drink?” He huffs.

“To be completely honest, I was hoping to come here and snatch a cutie back home to have fun with, but things are looking kinda grim.”

Seungcheol flashes a wide smirk. “What a wonderful coincidence, for our goals to be aligned tonight.”

“You’re here to hit it off with someone too?”

“Yeah. And to be fair, you’re looking way too hot and way too lonely to not get laid tonight.”

“Are you suggesting I should fuck you, Seungcheol?”

“I was planning on using more subtle words but I suppose this is also a way to approach things.”

You take a few seconds to yourself, pondering about Seungcheol’s proposal.

Cons - he’s a complete stranger and could be a murderer.

Pros - he’s fucking hot and you could get new content for your account.

“I have one question.”

“Fire away, doll.”

“You’re not some kind of crazy ass murderer, right?”

Seungcheol snorts. “Murderer? Nope."

He brings himself closer to you. "But the crazy ass depends on the context."

"I think we both know the context." You lick your lips.

"Then I hope you're into crazy stuff, doll."

Boy, he's in for a treat.

"That's a nice setup you have here."

"Thanks." You smile and take off your shoes.

"Are you a streamer?" 

"Hmm, not really."

"There's no shame in saying you're a camgirl." Seungcheol chuckles.

"I never said that and I definitely didn't try to hide it." You retort.

"Judging from the box of dildos being out in the open on your desk, I would agree to the latter."

"Do they make you feel uncomfortable, Seungcheol?"

"Not at all." He walks towards the desk and picks up a neon colored, tentacle shaped dildo. "Is this what you play with?"

You sit down on the bed and cross your legs sensually. "Got a problem with that?"

"Not really." Seungcheol drops the toy in the box. "It's a shame to play with fake stuff when you can have access to the real stuff."

You snort. "What, you're into that fake tentacles porn?" 

He flashes a smirk and removes his jacket and t-shirt, you let out a whistle at the sight of his naked torso. 

The excitement you had stored in your body evaporates within milliseconds when you see extra large sized tentacles coming out of Seungcheol's back, looming over him.

"Okay whoa, that is NOT what I was expecting!" 

"I know it's shocking, but I have zero intention to hurt you-"

You crawl away from him. "Your little friends don't seem to share the sentiment!" 

"I am the one who controls them, I can pull them back if you want me to."

"I- I just-"

"Look, I can just put my clothes back on and disappear from your apartment, like I never even existed in the first place."

"W-Wait! I, um-"

"Take your time, Y/N."

"Can you try not to put these things near my mouth please?"

"Since you asked so nicely, I have no choice but to comply."

Seungcheol crawls on the bed and cages you between his body and the mattress, peppering kisses across your jawline to make you feel more comfortable.

"Do you mind if I kiss you? I promise my lips are nothing like my tentacles."

"Oh my God, just shut up and kiss me!" You grab his face with your hands and smash your lips on his, slipping your tongue in his mouth, but it doesn't last for long, as he pulls away and pins your hands above your head.

"What got into you all of a sudden, doll?"

"Maybe I thought things over again and decided that fucking a hot guy with tentacles isn't a terrible idea." 

"I thought you weren't into that thing?"

"Half of my porn content is with tentacle dildos, please get real."

Seungcheol scoffs. "You little brat."

He lifts himself off you and with a tilt of his head, his tentacles wrap around your torso and legs, restricting you midair.

"You fucker! This is foul play!" You yelp.

He leans back on the headrest of the bed, looking at you with hungry eyes. "Everything is fair in war, love and sex, doll. I’m just spicing up things a little." 

Two more of his tentacles come up to your body, one ripping your top in half and the other flipping your skirt to reveal your bare pussy.

“Fuck you, I liked that top!”

“It was already ruined, sweetheart, don’t think too much of it. No underwear though? That's hot."

"It's called easy access, himbo."

Seungcheol clicks his tongue in annoyance and whips one of his tentacles over your pussy, making you whine.

"You're being a lil' smartass and it could get you in trouble, Y/N."

"Do your worst, Kraken."

The tentacle glides between your lips with the tip repeatedly nudging your clit when it suddenly whips your pussy again and you close your legs involuntarily.

"Ah ah ah, we're not having any of that." 

The tentacles tighten around your legs and keep them wide open, while the third one keeps rubbing your pussy slowly enough for the suckers to tease your sensitive parts.

"Ah! Fuck!" You moan when the slimy object slaps your cunt over and over again, your juices starting to drip on your asscheeks and all over the sheets.

"Drenched already? I haven't even fucked you yet, doll." Seungcheol chuckles as he strokes his cock, his pants discarded a long time ago.

"It's all f-fun and games when you're the o-one sitting on the bed!" You whine in defeat.

Your lips fall open when after a particular harsh slap, the tentacle effortlessly pushes into your entrance, turning around and rubbing your walls in an excruciatingly slow manner.

"Oh…my God…Fuck, that feels so fucking good."

Seungcheol raises his eyebrow. "You feel a tad bit loose, sweetheart." 

"And w-what about it?"

You nearly scream when another, thicker tentacle enters your pussy and thrusts harder than the other one. You feel your walls being stretched out, the foreign bodies in your hole proving to be bigger than the toys you use.

“Now it feels just right.” Seungcheol moans, as if it was his dick fucking you stupid. “Can’t wait to have you all wrapped around my cock, doll.”

“F-Fu- Cheol, I’m gonna cum!” You gasp when the tentacles pick up the pace and ram your cunt without mercy.

“Come on, doll, show me what this pussy is capable of.” Seungcheol grunts as he fists his cock harder to bring himself closer to his climax.

A sharp shriek erupts from your throat - you squirt all over your thighs and the slimy appendices, juices dripping down on the sheets and Seungcheol’s legs. His cock explodes all over his torso, streaks of thick white cum splashing on his skin.

The tentacles around your body relax just enough to let you plop down on the mattress, leaving your skin sticky and covered with a thin, slimy substance. He slowly retracts them altogether and they disappear from your field of view, as if they never existed in the first place.

“I can’t feel my legs.”

Seungcheol crawls on the mattress until he’s hovering above you. “That’s cute. But I’m afraid I’m not done with you yet, doll.”

Your eyes go wide when you notice the sheer size of his cock resting on top of your stomach and you’re pretty sure it’s way bigger than anything else you’ve taken before.

“There’s no fucking way that thing will fit in me!”

“That’s what you said about my tentacles, but you took them like a pro.”

“That’s different!” You protest.

“Different how?”

You purse your lips.

“Different how, Y/N?” Seungcheol slaps his cock between your legs and you whimper.

“It’s….so fucking big, Cheol….”

“Are you scared?”

“A little bit, yeah.”

“We can always take it slow, pretty girl. Are you on the pill?”

You nod your head slowly and hook your fingers around the elastic band of the skirt to take it off, but he stops you.

“The skirt stays on.”

“It could get in the way, though.”

“Pull it just enough to let your pussy show.”

“Wait, I’ve got an idea.” You say and point towards the video camera on the desk. “Can you grab it for me?”

“What do you have in mind, doll?”

“Since it might take some effort to make it fit…” You turn on the camera and hand it over to him, “Might as well show my followers how it’s done, right?”

Seungcheol flashes a dirty smirk before he points the camera to your pussy, his tip nudging your entrance. You wince a little when the bulbous head pushes into your hole, a strangled moan escaping from your mouth when you try to fit in more of his shaft.

“Easy now, I’m not going anywhere, doll.”

He swipes his free hand over his abs to pick up the cum that hasn’t dried yet and smears it all over his length, using it as lube.

“S-Stop teasing me…”

“‘M sorry doll, but I don't wanna rip your pretty pussy apart.”

“Fuck, I can take it, promise!” You arch your back and buck your hips in the air.

Seungcheol flattens his free hand over your stomach and pins you down. “You will take only what I wanna give you, sweetheart. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Your walls clench around his tip and he has the audacity to bring the camera closer to the spot you’re connected to each other, only to push his fat cock all the way to the base.

“Fuuuuuck, it’s huge…” Your eyes roll back and your pussy spasms like crazy, trying your best to accommodate his size.

“Good girl, I knew you’d take it all in.” Seungcheol rasps as he rubs his palm over the newly formed bulge in your tummy, “Such a tiny pussy yet you managed to fit all of it. I think you deserve a treat for this.”

His hand moves to your left hip and he starts thrusting inside you, setting a slow pace at first.

You moan loudly with each thrust he delivers and you slide one of your hands directly over the spot that bulges from his cock.

“Not so snarky now, are you?”

“M-More…”

“More what, doll? Use your big girl words.”

“M-More power, harder, please!” You beg between sobs.

“I was planning on dragging it out a bit more, but fuck, you’re gripping me like a vice and I can’t wait to blow my load in your pussy, doll.”

He pulls the camera a bit further away to get a full view of your and his lower half, ensuring none of your faces are visible in the video. He answers your pleas by fucking you harder and faster than his tentacles did and he can swear his sanity is starting to slip away.

“S-Shit, you’re- Fuck! It’s so good!” You scream and grip the sheets around you, your tits bouncing up and down.

“Mmmh, I’m about to cum, baby- Gonna take it all deep, will you?” Seungcheol moans above you, trying to keep the camera steady.

“Yes, yes yes, fuck me full with your load, daddy!” You cry out and your thighs shake as you cum around his cock, your wet walls rapidly clenching around his huge shaft.

“Fuuuck….” He delivers a few shallow thrusts before he buries himself to the hilt, blowing his thick load inside your pussy until a white ring of cum forms around his base. He doesn’t hesitate to take out his cock with an obscene pop and spurt the remnants of his orgasm over your pussy and your skirt.

“That…was fucking amazing.” Seungcheol taps his cock on your clit, chuckling when you bite your lips to suppress your moans.

“Close…the camera…” You mutter and he presses the button to stop the recording.

He puts the camera down and lays right next to you, ghosting his fingers over your abused cunt. 

“So? Do you think it was a waste of time to bring me back home?”

You grip his wrist and bring his hand in front of your face, licking his digits clean.

“Only an idiot would consider you a waste of time, Cheol.”

“Does that mean you’re down to exchange numbers?”

“Are you not-so-subtly asking for another time?” You rake your pointer finger across his chest.

“Perhaps I am,” he confirms, “Not to mention that one time isn’t anywhere near enough to show you what I can truly do with my tentacles.”

“One question - Do your tentacles spit stuff like in hentai?”

Seungcheol snorts and erupts into a laughing fit, to the point of tears.

You slap his arm. “What’s so funny?! I’m serious!”

“I know! It was still funny,” he wipes his tears away, “But I can’t answer your question yet.”

“And why is that?”

He smirks again.

“That would just spoil the fun for next time, doll.”

[thebestsetter]

Thinking about Inumaki Toge being insecure about his speech (or the lack of thereof).

I feel like if he could trade a year of his life for sixty seconds without his cursed speech, he would. Without second thought. And specially because of you.

He's had a crush on you for a while (ever since your first encounter), but he'd never admit it. Not because he's scared of rejection, but because he's scared you'll reciprocate his feelings. Because he thinks you deserve better. Actually, scratch that: he knows you deserve better. You deserve someone so much better than him.

"And then you won't believe what he said! He said: 'I can't date you, cause I'm actually your brother!'"

"No way! That's the plot of the movie? How shitty!"

You deserve someone like Yuta. Someone who can make you laugh with their own words, someone who you don't need to strugle to understand what they're saying. Right now, you and Okkotsu are talking about some bad movie he watched. And you're laughing so hard and your laugh is so pretty it makes him wanna laugh too. He wants to engage on the conversation. He wants to say: "That's one of the worst plots I've ever seen! I can take you to the movies to see a real good movie if you'd like to"

But he can't. He can't, but Yuta can. He should let you go so you can be with someone who deserves you. He has no right to be this selfish, making you a slave of a love without any words of affection.

It feels like everytime he looks at you, there's a nagging voice in the back of his head, painfully reminding him that he can't be with you, and there's nothing he can do about it. It's an impossible love.

Hell, even Panda is making him feel envious and jealous. Even though he's literally a panda, at least he can talk to you. Sing your favorites songs with you. And he can't. At least not without cursing someone (and, God forbid, maybe even you. You're the last person he wants to harm)

He wanted you to confide in him just like how you confide in Maki. You always tell her everything. He wishes he, too, could be a source of relief. A shoulder you can rely on. But he can't. He can't, cause the best he could say in that situation is "Salmon", "Caviar" and other stupid onigiri ingredients that have nothing to do with the actual topic of the conversation. Honestly, he would be tired of himself if he was his friend. You don't have the obligation to understand his dialogue. Nobody does.

So, he comes to the conclusion that he should just avoid you. He should give up on loving you, because he doesn't want you to suffer.

"Toge, please! We haven't talked in days! Why did you suddenly stop talking to me?"

He stays silent. That's the only thing he can do, after all. He can't speak. He can't. But he wishes he could. He wishes he could tell you everything that's going through his head, tell you about how he feels like dying when he sees you playing a game with Itadori and Nobara because he knows he'll never be capable of doing that with you normally. If he speaks now, everything that'll come out of his mouth are foods. Speaking now would only remind him about the drift that exists between you both (and there's two options to avoid anyone's fall: you either close the gap or you widen it. He chose the latter)

"..."

"Inumaki, talk to me" (how sad. You want him to do exactly the only thing he can't do. That just makes him remember that he'll never be enough for you. Never)

Also, wow. You're using his last name. He got in a really bad situation, huh? How will he get out of this? How will he stop your (and also his) suffering?

There's only one way. And even though he swore that he'd never use his spell against you, he finds himself lowering his scarf with trembling hands.

"Leave. And don't look back."

~A/N: This is the fic I wrote that I mentioned on my last post!! I know a lot of people have writen abt this b4, so this is inspired by other stories I've read (if you've written something like this and want me to credit you, feel free to send me an ask!!). IT JUST FITS INUMAKI CHARACTER SO MUCHHH!! Like, I can totally imagine him being insecure about not being able to speak. I just thought I should give it a try cause I CAN'T FIND INUMAKI STUFF, so I took matters into my own hands. I don't realy like this, but I thought it would be a waste to not post it anyway

Masterlist

[jenchan-writingmultis]

Neige Le Blanche x Exhausted! Reader Brainrot

A/n: I couldn't post anything since I was tired (the moment I got home I faceplanted on the flooring and didn't wake up till morning), and I decided, why not let the wheel of fortune pick who can care for an exhausted reader? Neige was already in my mind but he decided to show himself for the second time (possessive much?/j) anyways, I hope you like the little crumbs I'm giving, I'm currently trying to finish my midterms this month so finishing anything else other than my schoolwork is out of the question ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;) Please give me some blessings to finish everything so that I can indulge with everyone!

Also you can't tell me that Neige wouldn't fall for you at first sight, he's literally Snow White/hj. I'm kidding but I'd love to see a slow burn where Neige didn't realize how much he cares for you deeply, in a different way than how he feels with his friends and his family of dwarves. You'd always be around him, visiting him in RSA either during weekends or after classes when you can. He appreciates those types of love language! cause he can't go to your school without being harassed by aggressive and angry students, so to stop that from happening you'd always go to his school instead! I'm yapping again, this one isn't part of the story, I just really wanna brainrot on this sweet boy ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა.

Warning: None, this can be read as either romantic or platonic, I was thinking of a slow burn with Neige.

˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ ˚ ‧₊ .:･˚₊ *˚

He looks just like a dream

Neige who went to the school for the VDC event, he noticed you sitting on the stairway that he was walking on. At first, he thought you were just taking a quick rest, till he saw that you weren't actually moving, you were cuddling your bag and passed out, the wall being the only support you have.

Neige tapping your shoulders to get you to wake up, sleeping on the side of the stairway will cause you to get cold or accidentally get kicked by students! your presence was ghostlike with how slouched your posture was! Just what happened that got you this exhausted that you rather sleep, sitting?!

Neige who decided to carry you bridal style when you didn't stir awake, his kind soul can't just leave you here. Although while walking he didn't realize that plenty of eyes were staring directly at your sleeping figure, and also him, what's with the stares? he knows that the RSA and the NRC aren't really on good terms even if he tried to befriend them, were they also territorial? that doesn't make sense though, it's stupid to feel possessive over a student.

Neige tried asking some students where the clinic was but the majority of them ignored him or curtly answered, only a few students decently answered him, pointing him at the correct path than the one where he got lost.

Neige who politely knocked first before going in, the doctor who was tending to people who suffered a slight heatstroke or dizziness due to walking around in the heat of the sun saw them, eyes darting down at your sleeping figure while you're in Neige's arms, all cuddled up, he pointed at the empty bed, ordering him to put you there and stay.

Neige who obliged and placed you on the soft cushion, causing you to stir awake immediately, at first you probably thought it was Deuce or Trey who carried you, so you didn't bother opening your eyes, you were too tired to care, although when you opened your eyes you saw that it was Neige Le Blanche that carried you all the way to the clinic, he gives you a gentle smile. "Are you okay?" he runs his fingers on your cheek, trying to see if you got a fever from sleeping on a cold wall.

You who jumped back almost immediately, causing you to stumble and slip out of the bed, before you reached the floor though you felt a hand grabbing your wrist and pulling you back, although instead of falling on the bed you fell into his chest.

Neige who held you firmly, his other hand on your shoulder to stabilize you while he didn't let your wrist go, a look of concern etched on his face, you didn't know why, but being so close to a cute actor like him got you all flustered, muttering a sorry as you pulled away.

Neige who smiled once again, showing you that side of him that was beloved by everyone. "Don't worry about it!" he'd reassure you, patting your shoulder before releasing it, "though what got you so tired that you had to sleep sitting down on the stairway?"

You who scratched your cheek before answering, the truth was the schoolwork along with the side hustle Crowley was giving you was making you more exhausted than normal. You left out the part where Vil literally ran all of your friends including you dry due to wanting to win against him.

Neige who felt bad about the situation, crossing his arms, "That's cruel..." he muttered, knowing full how that happens very often, I mean look at his good friend Elliot! He was often exhausted due to his chores which almost seemed unending.

Neige who offers to take over your place while he's still present around NRC, after all, you are his friend now, and even if you weren't (which is unlikely, as long as you did not harm any of his loved ones he could never despise you.) he'd still treat you with respect and admiration.

You who rejected immediately, already thinking of what Vil would say if he saw Neige, you already had an inkling of the scenario that could happen and it wasn't pretty.

"No it's okay really" you protest, but Neige shook his head, holding your hand immediately, how fast he was with befriending you. "Come on, please? I promise I won't mess anything up, just tell me what to do to ease your burdens"

You who can't resist those puppy eyes of his defeated, you just lowered your head. "Fine, just please avoid going near Vil, please?"

Neige who stares dumbfoundedly, "Oh, why?"

"Because he gets competitive, he wants to show off his killer moves, seeing his rival so fast would ruin the focus" How quick you are with thinking of an explanation, which Neige seemed to believe you wholeheartedly.

[cyniibar]

Innocent manga, worst husband material ?

Also, feel free to flood my inbox.

The question is, who are the characters I DON'T want to be married to. From greatest to least:

1. Soubise/Gaspard/Jean Baptiste: They're all equally just as bad. And you'll be a miserable wife. They won't skip a day to remind you that you're inferior to them in terms of gender, so that makes you inferior to them OVERALL. The usual of everyday is basically, daily brainwash, make baby, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, (Soubise/Gaspard definitely physical abuse), and you'll spend constant days contemplating your tragic life, and eventually you'd be pushed to a point where you're relying on the hope that committing suicide would be able to free you out of this life no different from a cattle's. If you go to hell for it, well, what's new? It won't compare to being married to them.

2. King Louis XVI: Dry ass marriage, with a dry ass husband. Awkward, weak, odd and childish. The only good side to him is he's the king, and weehee, his riches! He may be a kind, and devoted husband who cherishes his children. But I mean really, does that actually matter in the end? He ruled awfully and immaturely and before you know it, you and him are now being transported to the scaffold. Oh and your son is also being tortured and your daughter developed PTSD. Now I know it's not totally Louis Auguste's fault, the dynasty before him weren't any better either, but still...

3. Jean Louis: Obesity is his only bad side. But surprisingly I'd marry this cheerful lovely lump. He doesn't really suppress you from doing anything, (not that he can, poor man can't even get out of his bed). He also doesn't expect nor force you to follow any of your wife obligations. Just keep him fed, and you'll have a decent marriage. Though he is a greedy little glutton, Jean Louis isn't a lecher. He's sweet, devoted, and a good father. I love that he doesn't intervene in anything, he stays out of your way and you can almost continue on with your life as if you aren't married to anyone at all.

4. Charles Henri: He's a tender, loving husband who'd worship the ground you walk on. Yes, he had mistresses in the past before marrying you. Though now his affections are reserved for you and you only. Your marriage is healthy and strong. On the other hand, you can't really do much as the mother of his children. Like Jeanne, whether you agree or disagree on how your husband disciplines your children, tradition is tradition. The least you can do for your children is to offer them comfort after the end of their torture sessions with their father. He'll harden your sons into ideal executioners. And though it makes you proud, nothing will ever erase the mother's guilt of being unable to prevent your sons from suffering another wretched fate.

5. Alain: Definitely the best of them. You'd have a saint for a husband. He is the perfect epitome of paradise. It's heaven as long as he's by your side. Alain is compassionate and pure, overly so. I hope you don't mind sharing his love. Because his heart belongs to the whole world and so sadly, you won't be his priority. I assume he's the type to be absent a lot in your marriage, because he's always travelling and doing charity work. It doesn't mean he loves you any less, he writes to you often as he can.

[fishnapple]

As a professional tarot reader, I imagine you got a busy life outside of that whether it's another job or social obligations. I like how you conduct yourself both on your blog and when making personal interpretation reports for others. How do you tend to manage yourself, schedule, and energy to make the creative-spiritual content that you do? You seem to genuinely enjoy what you are doing. 🥰 Do you have any general or practical advice for people thinking of starting out in becoming a reader for others? 🤔

Hi, thank you for such a lovely message💓🌰 (I feel like sending some chestnuts). Somehow the word "conduct" reminds me so much of Saturn, and then Saturn reminds me of chestnuts.

Your question took longer to reply to than I expected. As I wrote, I realised that this is quite a broad topic. If I were to write to my heart's content then it would turn into an essay, so I will try to keep it concise as much as possible 👀

A bit of context: I quit my corporate job that used to take up more than half the time of day. After being a corporate clown for 9 years, now I just live as a hermit and do freelance jobs. Maybe I will stay as a hermit for the next 9 years then begin another journey, who knows. I'm not that good at self management, but my life right now is pretty simple, so it's easier to manage. I will share some of my personal experiences and observations about time management, creativity and spirituality here:

Time

Routine: Doing readings at a certain time of the day. I just found out recently that I do divination reading best at night time, rather than during daytime. I keep a general timetable in my head so I can have a general idea of when to do something (and not following it).

Checklist: I also keep a checklist of tasks I need to complete on time (PACs, personal readings), the feeling of ticking off boxes can be pretty satisfying 😆.

Space out readings: For PACc, I only read one group/day to keep the energy and length balanced between each group (if I do all the groups in one go, later group's reading length will suffer). For personal readings, I do the opposite, I tend to read all the questions in one go, but won't read for more than one person in one day.

Productivity

Enjoyment: Are you doing readings for your own enjoyment or as a duty? Do you genuinely like the questions, the topics? Do you feel comfortable doing readings for certain topics, for certain people? I don't think divination can be something that you can force yourself to do, especially when reading for other people.

Motivation: What are you trying to achieve when doing readings? for fun, for practice, for gaining knowledge, for digging out people's deep dark secrets, for money or for other reasons? Being clear on what motivates you will give you a better direction.

Perseverance: I like how every time I ask Tarot about my path, I always got the 8 of pentacles. Routine practice is good, don't compare yourself with other people, keep your gaze on what you're doing.

Guilt & Fear: I have productivity guilt sitting in the dark corner, ready to nag and whip any time I dare to be idle. Thanks to this, I was actually able to do lots of things. Doing something creative is also a good way to relieve stress for me, so the more stressed I am, the more productive I become *quietly, begrudgingly mumbling a "thank you" to Saturn aspects*. Guilt and fear, sometimes, can be such great motivators, with the right dose of course. (on the topic of fear, I once asked my friend if they didn't have any fears at all, what are the things that they would do? My friend answered "nothing, If I didn't fear anything, I wouldn't do anything at all")

Creativity/ Energy

Creative energy pool: Not to be confused with general energy pool. I don't know if other people feel the same, but for me, creative energy has a definite allotment for each day. If I use up that energy for one creative activity then I can't do another creative activity in that same day. So cramming many creative activities in one day can be counter intuitive. Doing divination, in my opinion, can also be a form of creative act, as it's about translating the messages inside you into a visible form of communication. So be mindful of that aspect.

The cyclical nature of creative energy: Some people are able to maintain a constant flow of energy, but in my case, it can be sporadic, it waxes and wanes like the moon so if I ever find myself feeling uninspired, I will just leave it and do other things, because I know it will come back later. If you find a topic or a question unappealing, maybe leave it for a while, read other topics then come back to it later.

Energy level: This is about the general energy level. Each person will have a different peak time for doing something during the day. Find out about yours and ultilise it. The tone and quality of a reading will reflect your energy, doing a reading when you're tired or physically unwell will have a negative impact on both the reading and you, not to mention the receiver of that reading if you read for others.

Interaction with energies: Be aware of your interaction with other people's energy, reading for others is a two way connection. Having your moods and thoughts be influenced by other's energy is real. Some will energise you, others can leave a bad taste but don't let that discourage you.

In the end, the most helpful advice I can think of is take it easy, keep doing what you enjoy and keep it fun & meaningful (even the soul searching, deep introspection readings needn't to be all dark and heavy, facing your demons can be like those dark fantasy novels, but it can also be slice of life comedy, none is less meaningful than the other)

I hope this can be helpful somehow. Have a great weekend ahead. 🌼🎐

[sanctus-ingenium]

I’d love to hear Finbarr’s story. All I’ve seen are just the little tidbits here and there about what happened between him and Olivier, but I’d love to know his whole deal.

OKAY so the basic gist is that it's a story about the foundation of Inver as a country, but really it's about how Esk (the viper) learned for the first time that humans can die and how that affected it, but really it's a story about how trans men are often their own worst enemies and looove to tear one another to pieces.

Finbarr is forced to be stealth; he has a secret he can never reveal to anyone, otherwise he will be cast out from his clan. Women warriors exist, they're common actually in his culture, but he is an outsider whose father used to be the clan leader's shieldbrother. Finbarr's father Fionnán abandoned the clan to go be with a witch, and they had a daughter. That's all the clan leader, Aodhán, knew before he went and killed that witch. Anyway, with nowhere else to go, Fionnán took young Finbarr back to the clan and passed him off as a boy instead, and not the daughter of the witch. This was partially on Finbarr's suggestion so it wasn't against his will.

And now as an adult in a matchmaker-arranged marriage, he's dying with the stress of it all. His dad passed away and now nobody alive knows that he is a transexual. Yay. Finbarr as a person seems... nice? He's fine? He's mid? But that's all he is to other people. He's the type of person who hangs out with the group and you think you know him but afterwards, in hindsight, you realise he has never given a single piece of information about himself. In reality he's a chronic people pleaser and rather cold, he is completely self-absorbed in his own suffering, in himself, and it warps into a sense of superiority, look how good I am at suffering, if you can't suffer as gracefully as me then you're weak. He controls himself so strictly that in a culture that celebrates battle rages and berserker modes, he never loses himself, remaining precise and deadly at all times. Finbarr is the guy who purges every hint of femininity and hates it in others because he hates himself.

Olivier belongs to the Tanet sect which has a very different culture. They are lycanthropes, but public knowledge is that lycanthropy is a male condition - mainly because the women are cloistered and are not allowed to meet with outsiders. It is a very repressive and misogynist culture. Olivier's younger brother Corentin is next in line to take over the Tanets. Instead, Olivier does his most famous stunt of challenging his father, eating his heart in front of everyone, and then claiming that this makes him inherit his father's lycanthropic spirit, which makes him a man, and because nobody can contradict him without revealing the existence of female werewolves the Tanets (and Corentin) just have to accept this. Word goes out to everyone living in the region - Olivier Tanet is now King Tanet.

This is a major problem for Finbarr because only the Tanets and other werewolf sects are obligated to formally respect this decision. Finbarr's first encounter with the concept of Olivier is anger, annoyance, how dare you make things more difficult for me. Now everybody's gossiping about ugly women with beards and laughing in disgust at the idea of any woman marrying Olivier. He attracts a monstrous amount of widespread ridicule at first, and he knew this would be the case. So Olivier quickly makes himself into someone you never want to be on the bad side of.

He is very intelligent and manipulative and adept at using shock tactics to brow-beat his opponents; making himself out to be completely bloodthirsty and warlike, someone who'll kill you if you disrespect him. But this sets him on a difficult path of making connections with the other kings, promising favours in return for alliance. He tries to be smart about it and he is, he's smarter than most, and he manages to stay ahead of consequences for a long time. So by the time he and Finbarr meet, when they're in their early 20s, Olivier has clawed himself into a fearfully respected position in this political landscape.

Olivier beats the shit out of Finbarr's shieldbrother Conn at a gladiatorial match, and Conn is a whiny baby about it to the point where Aodhán, his dad, goes "stop whining, I'm fostering you with the Tanets right now so that you can learn how to behave". Bearing in mind that the Tanets were always at war on their southern border with Aquitan, so had more experience with direct combat. Finbar had to go along too, being attached to Conn at the hip as his shieldbrother. Olivier, in turn, gets lessons in the Hibernian language from them, because Tanet women are not taught that language and he needed to learn Hibernian. In these lessons FInbarr found that they hit it off pretty well and Olivier was a lot less violent and bloodthirsty in person, behind closed doors, and instead tended to be excitable, passionate, and generous. Olivier found that Finbarr, when given the freedom to actually talk, is quiet and thoughtful and proud. Anyway they sort of fell in love and Finbarr told his secret to Olivier.

So these two guys are like the only two people in the world clinging to the same life raft, and each envies the other to such an extent that it makes them sick. Finbarr thinks Olivier's life is so much better; no secrets, just freedom and respect. Olivier feels the same about Finbarr. Having nobody to talk to about these things but each other, they become codependent and privately resentful of one another, while also being basically obsessed with eachother. Olivier is typically manipulative; he sees Conn and Finbarr's other friends as a threat and starts trying to isolate him, aware that he could out Finbarr at any moment to destroy his life and cement himself as the only person Finbarr could go to for shelter. It's not strictly successful but it is enough to keep Finbarr coming back, whenever he can, even though they live largely separate lives most of the time on different sides of the country.

Finbarr can never defend Olivier in public, however, without feeling like he may be implicated. He publicly condemns Olivier all the time while showing affection behind closed doors - he's a bit of a snake (ha ha) about their relationship.

Important to note about Olivier is that he pulled the ladder up after him - his position as No Really I'm A King is SO tenuous and fragile and exists in a state of hyper-scrutiny, and improving the lives of the Tanet women would immediately reveal his lie to the public. So he can't. He keeps them cloistered, he tells them that he was a unique case and nobody could ever do what he did.

Fastforward like 20 years and oops Olivier gets caught in his own web. King D'Ouilly, leader of another werewolf sect, has announced his plans to annex the territory of one of a former ally, King Cervoy. This is huge news at the big gathering in Invergorken one year, and D'Ouilly is basically laughed out of the room. The other kings are like lmao you don't have the support to even try this. But Finbarr, who is in attendance, knows that Olivier owes D'Ouilly a favour. He begs Olivier to stay out of it - Cervoy's daughter is Finbarr's wife. Olivier swears an oath to Finbarr that he won't back D'Ouilly's bid for power.

Olivier then turns around and backs D'Ouilly's bid for power - he has no other choice. He has to. And so the civil war begins with a surprise attack from Tanet werewolves on the Cervoy keep, where Finbarr is currently posted with Conn. Finbarr races to the keep and finds Olivier in the midst of trying to kill his wife and manages to stop him. Finbarr then swears an oath of vengeance, as you do, and promises Olivier that the next time they meet, Finbarr will kill him.

Any act of aggression Olivier makes is seen as disproportionate and unjustified, but if anybody attacks him it's fine to attack the nasty pretender king; Olivier is backed into a corner with no other option than to do something he deep down doesn't want to do - join D'Ouilly as an ally alongside Carhaix and start taking Inver for the werewolves, while still, in some way, struggling to impress Finbarr and catch his attention.

The civil war is pretty nasty, lasts a long time, and consists of a whole lot of Olivier and Finbarr (in their late 40-early 50s at this point) singling out one another on the battlefield and fighting. Finbarr meets and gets the aid of Esk and makes his bow (that's a majorly important plot thread but also um spoilers so we'll gloss over that), specifically a bow that harms werewolves, and things just sort of devolve from there. Both Finbarr and Olivier burn through any other friendships and relationships they might have had so that even now, with two broken oaths hanging over their heads, they have nobody at all but each other. They care about nothing else but each other and, maybe, there is a way out - maybe they can just abandon this terrible war and society. Maybe they can leave together. It does end in tragedy, but that would have been obvious even to them.

Basically I wanted a story about evil old man yaoi but also a story that explores how toxic bonds form between trans men who are otherwise isolated. When there's only two crabs in a very big bucket, it can be indistinguishable from the sea.

[terabyteturtle]

💚 Bryan Fury SFW Alphabet 💚

It's funny, I never paid much attention to him before writing this, but my eyes have since been opened to the amazing (and not to mention, attractive) character that is Bryan Fury.

This was requested by an anonymous user. Hopefully, you like it, and I apologize if anything seems out of character!

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

This man will be all over you. Whether you're in public or not, it doesn't matter. At any point in time, he'll sling an arm around you and start showering you with kisses along your jaw or down your neck. His affection is impulsive, so whenever he wants you, he comes and gets you. Bryan is incredibly affectionate, almost to the point where it's overbearing. While it's very sweet (especially coming from him), it can be too much to handle at times. Bryan has no idea what boundaries are, and even when he does find out, he'll gladly cross them. His existence revolves around causing chaos around him, so expect him to test your limits. This isn't to say he'd want to make you uncomfortable, just that he isn't afraid to push your buttons. If it becomes a major issue and you tell him to lay off, Bryan will complain. But because he loves you, he'll give you some space. He likes teasing and irritating you, but when you start going from annoyed to angry, that's when the fun stops.

B = Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It'd be so chaotic having this dude as a best friend. You better be pretty energetic, and if not, start chugging 5-Hour Energies. Bryan is, without a doubt, the type of dude who could go ten days without sleep and still be ready to run a mile. Typical activities for you include going to the dump and destroying things, shooting stuff at the arcade, shooting stuff in real life, and bothering people at three in the morning. He's also high-key attracted to you, so despite the fact that you're friends, expect constant teasing and flirting. The friendship would probably start with him wreaking havoc somewhere, with you happening to get caught in the crossfire. Usually, he loved having more people involved, regardless of whether they're innocent or not. But when he saw you, alone and in danger, he felt guilty. As soon as he saw you get knocked unconscious by some random flying object (he couldn't even tell what it was), he ran over, scooped you up into his arms, and took you to a safe spot to assess the damage. To his relief, the only wound you suffered was a blow to the back of the head, which appeared worse than it actually was. When you woke up, Bryan quickly explained the situation. He couldn't stay for long, since he still had some chaos to attend to, but he promised to come back and help, so long as you stayed put. You did as he asked, and sure enough, he came back and patched you up. Once you felt good enough to head home, Bryan gave you his number. You know, just in case you needed anything, or if you wanted to see him again (wink wink).

C = Comfort (How do they comfort you? Are they good at it or are they kinda awkward? How do they like to be comforted?)

Comfort? What is comfort? Bryan Fury can not compute. When he sees that you're upset, comfort is not his first resort��violence is. He'll get heated and bombard you with questions, asking what happened, who did this, and saying that if he sees them, he's gonna snap their neck. He doesn't pick up on your need for comfort, as he's hellbent on getting vengeance for you. You need to be as direct with Bryan as possible, or else he's not going to understand anything. This can be difficult since he talks a lot, especially when he's angry. Pulling him into a tight hug and squeezing him is the only way to get him to shut up. Once you do that, he'll freeze completely. If you want him to hold you in silence, just tell him and he'll oblige, hesitantly wrapping his arms around you and giving you a tight squeeze. If you want to unload everything and tell him why you're upset, he'll listen intently to every word, hugging you tightly as soon as you're finished. But be aware that regardless of what you do, Bryan will short-circuit. Comfort is something that you'll need to help him understand. Not everything needs to be solved with violence, and he doesn't realize that. Comfort with Bryan is very awkward at first, considering it's a learning process for him, but with enough time, he'll get better at it, even telling you jokes to make you laugh or smile. Bryan doesn't like to be comforted. It makes him feel like a weakling.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Bryan does not think about the future. He lives day-to-day, knowing very well that his life could end at any given moment. He'll move in with you, but settling down completely isn't an option for him. He lives paycheck-to-paycheck through his mercenary duties. He doesn't want to get a regular job, and even if he did, he wouldn't be able to—his urge to cause chaos is too great. Besides, who would want to hire a zombie cyborg with a criminal record longer than a kid's Christmas list? In terms of cooking and cleaning, he can not do either to save his life. Bryan somehow managed to burn water twice, so for both of your sakes, it's best not to let him near the stove. Oddly enough, the only dish he hasn’t messed up is pancakes, but other than that, don’t let him in the kitchen. When it comes to doing laundry, if he isn’t given specific instructions, all of the clothes will get ruined. And if that isn't bad enough, the post-chore rage is even worse. If he makes a mistake, he gets frustrated and starts having a meltdown. You usually have to guide him outside so that he doesn't break things within the house. Needless to say, it’s best if you’re the one doing these things, as Bryan is not best equipped to handle them.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with you, how would they do it?)

Bryan would just disappear. He wouldn’t say a single word. You’ll wake up one morning and find that he’s not sleeping next to you. All of his stuff will be gone, and when you try to call him, it goes straight to voicemail. Emotions are not Bryan’s strong suit, so he’d just want to cut all ties as quickly and painlessly as possible. As much as he likes causing pain, he couldn’t bear to see you standing broken-hearted before him. Don’t worry though, he would only break up with you if he felt things were getting too dangerous. Luckily (or perhaps unluckily), Bryan’s perception of peril is not the greatest. Considering how often he gets involved in chaos, there isn’t much he considers “too dangerous”.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Again, Bryan never thinks about the future, so commitment isn’t something that pops into his mind. If you decide to bring it up, he’ll just brush it off with some sarcastic comment. Bryan loves you, there’s no doubt about that, but he doesn’t really want to get married. In his mind, if you guys truly love each other, you’ll just stick together—it’s that simple. He doesn’t understand the need to attach formality to it. On top of that, he doesn’t want to sign mountains of paperwork or decide on assets or worry about all the other stuff that comes with marriage. He just loves you, that’s it. He doesn’t need anything else to affirm that.

G = Gentle (How tender are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Bryan is as rough as they come. He doesn’t intend to hurt you, but he’s so used to being aggressive that he doesn’t even know how to be gentle. His affection feels like play-fighting most of the time, and when it isn’t, he almost hurts you by accident. Emotionally, he’s not much better. Since he became a cyborg, Bryan hasn’t had much to worry about in his life. Walking the Earth and causing mass chaos was the only thing on his mind. So when it comes to you, he’ll show that same carefree attitude, meaning he’ll tease you constantly and won’t be as understanding when it comes to your problems. Bryan rarely feels anything other than joy or anger, but when he does, he’ll just act cynical and pretend he’s fine. Rest assured, none of this is done to hurt you. It’s just how he is. If there’s something he really needs to improve on, then he’ll try his best for you. In the end, Bryan hates making mistakes, and he would get enraged at himself if he made one with you.

H = Hugs n' Cuddles (Do they like hugs/cuddles? What are they like? How often do they happen?)

He LOVES hugging and cuddling—just say the word and he’s down for either. Bryan's hugs are usually either bear hugs or lazy, clingy hugs, both of which usually end up with you falling to the floor. With the bear hugs, they’re like football tackles half the time. After a long day, he’s so excited to see you that he ends up sending you straight to the floor. With the lazy hugs, he’s super heavy, so it’s difficult to stay standing with his dead weight hanging off of you. In terms of cuddling, he loves holding you from behind the most. On the rare occasions that he can get himself to relax, it's the perfect way to give you as much affection as possible. When you're cuddling, expect kisses galore. Hugs happen quite often, but cuddles are pretty rare because he's so energetic that he can't sit still. He is part robot after all, so it would make sense that he has boundless stamina.

I = I Love You (How quickly do they tell you they love you?)

It actually takes a long time for him to say it. This is because it doesn't cross his mind as something he would say. Bryan loves you, and he tries to show that to you as much as he can, so he doesn't feel the need to tell you that. In his mind, he thinks you already know. On top of that, he actually has said it to you before—you just weren't awake to hear it. One night, Bryan came home late, having just finished a difficult job, to find you fast asleep on the bed. Out of impulse, he leaned down, kissed you on the forehead, and whispered those three words softly to you. He often forgets that you weren’t awake, so while you have no idea he ever said it to you, Bryan believes the deed was done.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)

Not jealous, possessive. At least, that's what he likes to say. If a guy looks at you the wrong way, or simply stares at you for too long, Bryan will feel an incredible urge to punch them in the face. He gets pretty jealous, but not for the typical reason of fearing that he's gonna lose you. For Bryan, it's a thing of everyone knowing you're together. You're his significant other, and he could not be prouder to have you by his side. He wants the whole world to know you're together, and if somebody doesn't know, then he’ll tell them loud and clear. When Bryan's jealous, he'll sling an arm around you and tell them you’re together. If somebody is flirting with you, and Bryan notices that you're feeling uncomfortable, then he'll become even angrier. And if that person makes the mistake of being rude or trying to hurt you, then they better be prepared for the beating of a lifetime. Bryan will not let anyone get away with disrespecting the person he loves. At least, not with all of their limbs attached.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He likes to attack you with flurries of quick kisses whenever he sees you. These kisses will fly all over your face, neck, and jawline, all with Bryan's strong arms wrapped around you. When he kisses your lips, it's rough and kinda sloppy, but also very sweet. This man can’t get enough of you, and it clearly shows through his kisses. Bryan will kiss you anywhere and everywhere. He doesn’t care what part of you he’s kissing; he’s in heaven regardless. Personally, he likes to be kissed on his lips, neck, and chest. He's very specific about it, too.

L = Little Ones (How are they around children and what are their thoughts on them?)

Despite what some people might think, he actually loves kids. Bryan hates the responsibility that comes with them, but he likes messing around and making goofy faces to make them laugh. In his mind, they're like mini troublemakers, capable of causing chaos at any given moment. He has a lot of energy, so he can chase them around and keep them entertained for a long time. Little kids think his crazy laugh is hilarious. Since kids like him so much, they'll usually listen to whatever he says. If the two of you somehow landed a babysitting job, he would enlist their help to pull pranks on you. In terms of having kids with you, that’s something he’d never do for two reasons—first, he doesn’t believe it can even happen since he's a cyborg, and second, he doesn’t want to deal with the responsibility.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings can be pretty chaotic, as is everything with Bryan. If you wake up earlier than him and try to get out of bed, he'll start complaining and hold you tight. You literally have to pry his arms off of you in order to get out of bed. Even when you finally escape his grasp, he'll just follow you to wherever you're going and hug you, practically hanging off of you as you're trying to do stuff. It's sweet that he wants to be close to you, but sometimes it can really get frustrating when you're trying to get ready for the day. On the rare occasions that he's up before you, Bryan will try making you breakfast. He tries his best, but he nearly ends up burning the house down and you have to take over.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are just as chaotic as mornings. He'll come home from a job and start hollering about what happened and how cool it was and how he wished you would've been there to see it. He'll tell you crazy stories about stuff he did in the past, all the while making hilarious jokes about it. Before you guys go to bed, he might spontaneously start making out with you. Some nights, he'll just randomly wake you up to take you somewhere. Whether he takes you to the dump to destroy stuff or out to eat at a 24-hour diner, you always end up having a good time. It’s safe to say that Bryan’s more of a night owl than an early bird, so expect him to be far more energetic once the evening rolls around. Because he likes to drag you out at night so much, you’ll definitely find yourself feeling sleepier in the morning.

O = Open (At what point would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or take their time with it?)

He didn't waste any time telling you about everything. You kinda knew what you were signing up for the day you met him.

P = Patience (How patient are they?)

He's not very patient at all, least of all with himself. If he makes a mistake while cooking, cleaning, or doing anything, he gets frustrated immediately. Bryan’s default setting is violence, so as soon as he gets angry, he needs something to destroy immediately. Since he’s been free to cause chaos for a couple years, he’s completely forgotten how to control his anger. You often have to guide him outside because if not, he’ll break everything in sight. Once out of the house, all he needs to do is kick things until he feels better. His patience isn’t much better with other people, and if they do something that even remotely pisses him off, he’ll start throwing hands. When it comes to you, he's still not patient, but he’s far better by comparison. Instead of throwing things, he'll show his impatience through complaints and snarky remarks. Even if he does get super angry, he’d never dare lay a hand on you. You’re the one person he truly loves, the only one who’s given him a true purpose in life. He’d hate himself if he hurt you.

Q = Quizzes (How much do they remember about you? Do they remember every detail or kinda forget everything?)

Bryan actually remembers a lot. When he tells you stories from his past, they're always loaded with detail. He was a police officer after all, so he needed to have a good memory in order to do his job. When it comes to you, he takes down everything in a mental notebook without missing a single thing. He’ll often pretend to forget about things just to dumb himself down in front of you, then surprise you with something thoughtful later on. At the start of your relationship, he only did this because he hoped to get laid, but as it continued, it became something more special. He won’t admit it, but he adores the way your eyes light up each time he surprises you with something.

R = Remember (What is one of the most important moments of your relationship?)

One of the most important moments was the time he protected you from some drunk guy trying to harass you. He kept flirting with you, and despite your every attempt to make him leave you alone, he just wouldn’t stop. He reached out to grab you, but Bryan stepped in and beat the guy up. Before that moment, Bryan didn't really think much of your relationship. You had been dating for a couple months and he didn’t think it was anything too serious. But when that giant, muscular guy tried laying a hand on you, you became his number one priority, and he would've stopped at nothing to keep you safe. After the fact, Bryan realized that he cared so much more for you than he'd previously imagined. This was no longer just a casual fling for him; this was the real deal.

S = Security (How protective are they and how would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Bryan can get extremely protective, especially in areas of high danger. He’d be by your side the entire time, eyeing your surroundings. If someone or something threatens to hurt you, he’ll knock ‘em dead in two seconds flat. Bryan himself, on the other hand, doesn’t want to be protected. First of all, he doesn’t think he needs it, and secondly, he wants to be your knight in shining armor, the person you can depend on when you’re in trouble. He craves to see you gazing at him in admiration as he swoops in to save you from danger. It makes him feel like he’s doing something right. Although he hates to admit that, he needs reassurance about it every once and a while.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)

He’d put in effort, but only in the most Bryan way possible. Dates with Bryan are usually very spontaneous. He’s very impulsive, so he just goes about and does whatever he wants. If he visits a place he thinks you might like, he’ll call you then and there to see if you want to hang out. If he wakes up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep, then screw it, he’s waking you up and you’re both gonna go somewhere fun. In terms of anniversaries and other special days, Bryan loves going all out. When those days come around, his main goal is to have as much fun as possible. He’ll dance on tabletops, take too many shots, and think you kissed but he forgot. As for gifts, he’ll get you stuff every so often, but they’re usually plucked off the corpses of people he’s killed during his fits of chaos. You’ve learned not to question their origins, as he gets really defensive about it whenever you do. He feels it doesn’t matter where they came from, as long as they were straight from the heart (not of the corpse, 'cause that would be weird).

U = Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs?)

Bryan has a short fuse and is prone to lashing out when he gets angry or frustrated. In addition to yelling and cursing, his way of expressing his anger is by destroying things. If he gets angry, you better put him outside quickly or else he’ll shatter all of the fine china. He’d never hit you, no matter how angry he gets, but the same can’t be said about your furniture. He’s like a tornado, leaving broken messes in his wake. Speaking of which, he doesn’t really clean up after himself. He’d rather save his energy for causing chaos than keeping his space tidy. If you’re someone who enjoys cleaning, count yourself lucky to have a boyfriend as messy as he is.

V = Values (What do they value in a partner?)

He wants someone who’s able to put up with his crazy antics, who loves him for his crazy, maniacal self. He wants someone he can laugh with, who can take a joke and dish one out that’s just as good. He wants someone who doesn’t mind that he’s not completely human, who doesn’t judge him. He usually doesn’t care what anybody thinks, but when it comes to a partner, he needs a fair trade. If he’s not gonna give a crap about their setbacks, then they shouldn’t give a crap about his. Bryan might have a few screws in his head loose, but that doesn’t mean he’ll take just anybody to be a partner. There are a lot of boxes, and luckily for him, you’ve checked all of them.

W = Wedding (How are they on the big day? How do they help plan it out? Are they emotional or stoic?)

Again, Bryan wouldn’t want to get married. He doesn’t think there needs to be a whole big ceremony just to tell you something you already know—that he loves you. But if, hypothetically, there was a wedding, he would be a mess. He’d act all crazy and tough, but he’d secretly be scared to death. Knowing how clumsy and chaotic he is, Bryan would be worried that he’d accidentally ruin it for you. As much as he loves making a big bullet-ridden explosion out of everything, he knows that’s not how you’d want it to be (unless it is, which in that case, he’d have nothing to worry about). Bryan will snatch the wedding plans out of your hands and read them over a thousand times. This way, he knows what’s going on ahead of time and can make sure that he won’t mess it up for you. Once standing at the altar, he’d probably make a joke or two about how shabby he looks compared to you before giving you what is probably the sweetest smile he’s ever smiled.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them)

Bryan always has first-aid stuff on hand. If you’re out somewhere together and you get injured, he’ll be able to patch you up right then and there.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they can't stand, both in a partner and in general?)

Bryan can not stand anyone who’s a control freak. He needs to have the freedom to do whatever he wants, not to be tied down to a schedule. Routine is boring, and on top of that, there is no routine when it comes to mercenary work. It’s first come, first serve, and a job can pop up at any given moment. Some missions take hours or days to complete, others take weeks or even months. If they can’t handle that, he can’t handle them. He also hates people who are too serious. To him, if you can’t take a joke, there must be something wrong with you. He’s a carefree guy, and he gets irritated by people who don’t match his attitude.

Z = Zzz (What are some sleep habits of theirs?)

He snores so loud. Never before in your life have you heard anyone snore as loudly as this man. From another room, he sounds like a grizzly bear. Also, expect him to cling to you while you sleep. Once he’s asleep, there’s no getting out of his arms, unless you’re able to pry yourself free with a crowbar. If you don’t have one on hand, then you’ll just have to wait until morning. Even then, Bryan’s a heavy sleeper, so it’s difficult to wake him up. On rare occasions, he’ll punch and kick in his sleep. Luckily, he’s never hit you, because if he did, there’d probably be a you-shaped hole in the wall by now.

[mandomaterial]

Forgotten pt.5

Pairing: Tonowari x Metkayina!Reader

Wordcount: 3.4k

Warnings: none actually, maybe a little angst, crying, Jake and ‘wari are bros, siblings being nice to each other, little fluff

Notes: sorry this took so long- but i hope you you like it. Im going post anther vote about what’s going to happen cus i cant decide for myself :P it’s pretty important to the plot so please check it out once i post it. Pic not mine, credit to the owner!

Masterlist /// Previous /// Next

Tonowari stood at the edge of the beach, staring out at the endless expanse of water that stretched out before him. It had been a week since his mate had been taken by the enemy, but the pain in his heart had not lessened.

He missed you so much, and the thought of never seeing her again was almost too much to bear. He had retreated to the beach, hoping that the sound of the waves crashing against the shore would soothe his troubled soul.

As he stood there, lost in his thoughts, for who knows how long until he felt a presence approach him. Thinking it was one of the hunters, he shook off his thoughts and prepared to speak to his clan member. But to his surprise, it was Jake.

Tonowari stayed silent as he watched the warrior come closer to him, coming to a stop next to him. “Mind if I join you?” he asked the Olo’eyktan, who made a little hand movement, signaling that it was alright. Over the last few months, Tonowari and Jake grew closer, even becoming friends, they had a few things in common; being a clan leader and the burden of it, experience in battle; and most of all, a family that they’d protect with their life.

Jake sat down, and patted the ground, silently asking Tonowari to take a seat as well. He obliged, taking in the view of the ocean. "Beautiful, isn't it?" Jake said, trying to break the heavy silence that hung between them. Tonowari nodded but didn't say anything. He was lost in his thoughts, consumed by the pain of his loss. Speaking felt all too difficult for him on some days, as if his mouth was filled with endless sand, scratching his tongue and trickling done his throat.

Jake knew better than to push him to talk, so he simply sat there in silence, his presence a comforting reminder that he was not alone. Tonowari wanted to talk, he didn’t know about what, but he wanted to talk. The only problem was that he didn’t want to speak; he didn’t want to utter a single word, for that is how he handled his grief. So he settled on the next best thing, signing.

« I miss her » he signed, hoping that Jake caught on.

“Huh- Oh…”

« I miss her so terribly much. She is my everything and she was taken from me » he continued «It was my purpose to protect her; to make her happy. I failed. I failed her, Jake… »

Jake sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I know, tsmukan. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through right now. I know it hurts; I feel your suffering.”

« I don’t know how to go on without her » he signed, feeling utterly depressed, tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to spill.

“You have to go on. I know it’s hard; I hit rock bottom once too. But once you do, the only way is up.” he retaliated, tightening his grip on his friend’s shoulder “You have to be strong for your people; for your children. They need you, now more than ever! Be there for them. Be their rock.”

Hearing this brought a sense of responsibility over Tonowari. Jake was right, he needs to be strong for his people and his family. Tonowari looked out at the ocean again, his mind racing with thoughts and memories. He knew that it would be difficult but he would manage, he was the leader after all; everyone believed in him and he couldn’t let them lose that trust. He would do his best to bring his people happiness, just like you did. He would be like you. Now that he thought about it, it was all the small things you did that spread joy throughout the village. You did so many good things and everyone enjoyed them; your parties, the dances you learned with the performers, your singing -oh how he missed your singing… your gentle voice- the list goes on and on. Tonowari would do everything you did, to the best of his abilities.

After a few more moments the two men got back on their feet, looking at each other. Tonowari signed «Thank you, brother» before reaching his arm out for their handshake. Jake cracked a smile and joined in. Not long after the two parted ways, Jake was on his way back to the village and Tonowari still walking along the beach.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Tonowari walked along the beach, the sun beating down on his back. He decided to go visit your favorite spot, a small cove filled with shells and small wildlife. Approaching the cove, he saw his son, Ao'nung, sitting alone in the sand, staring out at the ocean. Why was he here? Why wasn’t he with his friends?

“Ao'nung” Tonowari said, his voice soft. Ao'nung turned to him, eyes red-rimmed with tears. Seeing his usually happy and mischievous son like this made Tonowari’s heart crack a little as he sat down next to him, sighing. "What are you doing out here all alone?" he asked.

Ao'nung just shrugged, trying to avoid talking about his feelings. “Why aren’t you out having fun with your friends? A young boy shouldn’t be sitting all alone in an isolated cove all day. How did you find this place anyway…” his father tried again.

“Mom showed me… she said it was her favorite.” He uttered with a cracking voice. “That is true; this is your mother's favorite place. I spent a lot of time here with her. And… we took you here just after you were born. We were so happy” Tonowari smiled at the memories as he told his son about the little cove. Ao'nung liked listening to stories about you, so he asked “Did anything else happen here?”

Tonowari shuffled a bit closer, wrapping an arm around his son. “I asked her to be my mate here.” As he said this he felt Ao'nung’s ears and eyes twitch in curiosity “It was a beautiful day and I had planned it out for weeks. Your mother was actually quite oblivious to all my advances, so I had to sit her down and tell her very clearly that I wished to court her.” Tonowari chuckled “I led her here at noon so that no one would bother us. She thought we were going out for a picnic, which we actually did, but I wanted to give her a proper courting gift as well. I gifted her a beautiful necklace that I spent a week making myself. Do you know the one that she wears on special occasions? The one with the many shells and pearls?” His son nodded “That’s the one I gave her when she accepted. I was so happy that she wanted to be with me. It was one of the best days of my life” He grinned as he looked down at his son.

“I miss her, Dad. I miss her so much.” He said, his voice full of despair.

“I know, I miss her too…” Tonowari replied, patting his son's shoulder. “But we need to be happy. She wouldn’t want us to be sad right? Mama wants us to be happy… even if she isn’t here with us…” he tried to comfort his son.

A tear rolled down Ao'nung’s cheek “I don’t want to be happy… not when she’s not here. I feel guilty…”

“Ma’itan, listen. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know that we will see her again. And until then, we have to live, we have to keep her within our hearts, and we have to live for her. She might be scared and unhappy, but if we live, welcoming every emotion, she will feel it; she will feel us. Through our great mother, Eywa. Do you understand?” He held eye contact with his son “We need to be strong. I need to be strong, but I can’t do it alone. So I need you and your sister to be strong. If we are, then Eywa will lead her back to us.”

Ao'nung felt a lot better after his father's little pep talk, he swore that he would try and live, he would try to be happy; for you. Together they sat at the shore, not talking, just enjoying the sea until it started getting darker. Tonowari spoke up “Come, we must head back, or else they will start sending out troops to find us.” He joked a little. Ao'nung cracked a smile and walked close next to his father, still feeling a little down. Of course, Tonowari noticed this and put his hand on Ao'nung’s shoulder “Don’t worry, everything will be alright” he comforted the boy as they walked.

After hearing that little pep talk

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Back at the village, they parted ways; Ao'nung joined his friends, that were hanging out with the Sully kids by a rock pool and Tonowari tended to his people.

The group saw Ao’nung coming and waved him over., geeking over Lo’ak. He sat down next to Tsireya and listened in to the conversation. They were talking about when the Tulkuk would return, but he didn’t care. His mind was swarmed with memories and thoughts about you. Were you okay? Were you going to come back? How long would it be till he would see you again? It was as if a light went on- the spirit tree. He could try to see you there.

Ao'nung pondered whether or not he should tell his sister when the group suddenly started getting up. Pushing his thoughts to the side, he stood up as well and looked at his sister in confusion. She got the memo and whispered to him “They have to go to a family meeting” “Ah- okay” he replied. The sullys left and Tsireya was about to accompany Lo’ak when Ao'nung called out to her “Hey wait- I need to talk to you. Alone.” he added, to make sure that the sully boy would leave.

His sister waved off the guy and then turned to him. “What's going on?” Ao'nung shuffled around and mumbled, “I’m going to the spirit tree, you wanna come with'?” He hoped that he would say yes; he didn’t want to go all alone.

Tsireya let out a little gasp “But it’s already eclipse… you know that we aren’t allowed to leave the reef this late…” Ao'nung rolled his eyes “Of course I know! But I have to go… I need to see Mom… you do too, right?”

Tsireya was unsure, she wanted to see you but she also do want to get in trouble with her already tense Father. The need to feel you again was greater than the one to not get in trouble. “Okay… but we can’t be seen!” She warned as Ao'nung started smirking.

They waited until most of the people retreated to their pods for the evening, then sneaking to the shore while calling for Ilus. Two instantly appeared and they looked around one last time before making the bond and diving under.

They traveled swiftly under the dense water, only seldomly coming up to the surface for air, having done this all their life. The Ilu passed the reef barrier unnoticed and soon they were out in the open sea, on their way to the cove of the ancestors.

Having been there many times, they didn’t even need to think about the way, they knew it by heart. Although they never imagined coming here together this late for a reason they could never have expected. A truly sad reason. As they closed the distance between them and the sacred place, Tsireya felt her eyes start to sting, quelling with tears, even under the water she felt the tears rolling off her cheeks, letting out little sniffles when she raised her head out of the water.

Ao'nung heard her little sounds of distress and slowed down, swimming closer to her. He gave her a look that asked if she was okay. That only made her shake her head and leg out little sobs. Her brother felt his heart sink, he hated seeing his sister like this, so unhappy. He gently pulled her and rested his head on hers, rubbing her back with his hand. “Hey… it’s okay… we can go back if you want?” “no…no, I wanna go… we came all this w-way…” she whimpered.

“Alright… it’s not much further” Ao'nung reassured her whilst slowly letting go of her. She rubbed the last of her tears away and followed her older brother's lead to the cove. The waves were calm and little whitecaps tickled her legs as the cove came into view.

Everything was silent except for the gentle sound of waves crashing against rock. The peaceful and familiar atmosphere calmed the teenagers down as they entered the sacred grounds. Ao'nung looked back to his sister, waiting for her to catch up.

Once together, they broke tsaheylu and swam closer to the tree. Tsireya gripped her brother's hand and he gave it a little squeeze in return. Taking a deep breath they dove under the water's surface, swimming closer calmly. Suddenly a sense of nervousness washed over them, not feeling ready to face you. But together they pushed forward, holding each other's hand until they were just in es apart from a bright leaf of the tree.

Reaching back, they both took a hold of their queue and brought it in front of them, close to their heart. With one last look at each other, they bonded with the tree. For a few moments they felt nothing, but as soon as they opened their eyes again they were met with sunshine. It was a strange feeling, to see the sun when they knew that it was dark. As they looked around more, they noticed that they were on the beach of the reef, somewhere where they spend most of their time.

It looked like the beach was empty, except for a slender figure, crouched down collecting shells. Instantly they recognized the figure, it was you. With unsteady steps Ao'nung started walking towards you, pulling his sister along with him.

There was barely any distance left between you when he spoke up “Mom?” with a shaky voice. Recognizing the voice you turned around looking up at them before standing up yourself, storing the little shoes in a pouch that was strapped to your hip.

You saw that sadness struck their faces and yours scrunched up in confusion “Is everything alright? Did something happen?�� you asked with a concerned voice.

Tsireya looked down, not being able to answer so Ao'nung replied “N-no… everything’s okay,” with a shaky voice “we just m-missed you”, he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking while he held eye contact.

You cooed and pulled them close, each under one of your arms, and hugged them tightly. “Don’t worry parultsyìp, I’m right here. I’ll always be.” Hearing that made both of your children break down, being unable to hold back sobs of sorrow and pain, holding tightly onto you. This worried you even more. What had happened? Why were they so upset?

You gently guided them down onto the sand so that they could calm down, but they continued to cry. You didn’t know what to say, you’d never seen them like this before, so you just stayed silent; comforting them with gentle pats and little shushes.

This went on for a while, but you just let them cry it out; let them spill all their pushed-down emotions. You started stroking your fingers through their thick locks of hair and smiled, they’d inherited that from their father.

Their cries muted to sniffles and your hands tilted their chins up so you could see their faces. Eyes bloodshot and nose stuffy, they looked just as precious as always, you thought while gently caressing their small faces, even if they weren’t that small anymore.

“I missed you, mama…” you heard Tsireya whisper, not knowing what she meant because you’d been with them in the morning. “I missed you too 'itetsyìp” you have her a little kiss on top of her head. You noticed your son shuffle a little and out of maternal instinct, you knew that he wanted affection as well. “I missed you too ma'itan” you smiled and gave him the same little kiss on the head.

They both snuggled closer, never letting you go. You knew that they didn’t want to talk about whatever happened so you just let them be, spending some quality time with them. The three of you stayed silent, enjoying each other’s presence as you watched the ocean.

But soon Ao'nung felt his throat constrict, he knew that they needed to return to the surface for air, so he grabbed his sister's hand and squeezed it. She seemed to get the same feeling as him and simultaneously their eyes shifted to you. You returned a curious look and offered a smile. “Do you need to go? Are you supposed to be somewhere else?” You questioned with a joking tone in your voice.

Their eyes only turned sad; they had to leave you. Leaning close to you they hugged you tightly; not ever wanting to let go. They whispered “I love you” while pressing their faces into your chest; getting as close as possible one last time. You chuckled and returned “I love you two as well. You know that right? No need to be upset…” They didn’t respond, only trying to stay with you for a few more moments.

Ao'nung opened his eyes and you were gone; he was back underwater, in dire need of air. He looked over to his sister and saw that sadness has struck her face once again. He held onto her smaller hand and undid the bond. She did the same and they floated up together. Both of them took a deep breath once they reached the surface, air filling their lungs.

Just breathing for a few minutes, they stared up into the sky. The stars flickered brighter than ever it seemed, with no clouds hiding them. They decided to stick around a little bit and continue looking at the stars. Swimming over to the little rock shore took a few minutes but as they sat on the small smoothed down rocks, it was worth it; truly a beautiful sight.

Peace and quiet filled the air, calming the troubled young souls as they stared into the sky. “Ao'nung… thanks for taking me with you…” Tsireya whispered, turning her head to look at him. He looked back “Thanks for coming with me” he whispered while smiling.

Just as they were about to call out for Ilus Ao'nung spotted something traveling through the waves. He instantly grabbed his sister and pushed her down, accidentally making her swallow water. She was just about to jell at him when he shook his head and had a panicked look on his face; she stayed silent and searched for the thing he’d seen.

As the figure came closer it seemed to take the shape of a person riding a tsurak. Who else would come out here this late? The two of them stayed hidden and continued watching. The animal came to a stop just in front of the spirit tree and the figure dove under.

Not being able to see from the surface the two teenagers also stuck their heads underwater to try and find out who it was. The certainty didn’t expect to see their father on his way to the tree. Had he found out that the two of them snuck away? How did he find out that they were here?

But it seemed like he wasn’t looking for anything. We just raised his queue, making the bond with a leaf. The two siblings shot each other a confused look, wondering what he could be doing when Tsireya suddenly realized. «I think… I think he’s here to see Mom… just like us» she signed underwater. Ao'nung’s face scrunched in realization; of course, he was here to do that.

Another thing crossed his mind «We need to go back to the village,» he signed «before he does, or else we’ll be in a lot of trouble» Tsireya agreed and they quietly called for their ilus, hoping that their father wouldn’t realize. They got on and started to ride away when they looked back one more time. Even though they couldn’t see their father's face, they could tell that he was grieving, noticing how his body tensed up unnaturally and he clenched his fists. The two felt bad for him; they’d try to comfort him tomorrow.

With that, they sped off back to the village.

[mayisgoingnuts]

“ My deepest guilt. ”

Summary: Daisy decides to once again write her thoughts on her diary... but now, it had to be special.

Warnings: Implied abortion attempt.

A/N: This is a.. fanfic? Poem? Text??? With my Spooky Month OC's, Daisy and Theodor! Since I'm too tired to draw, I decided to write,, EVEN THOUGH IT TURNED OUT WORSE THAN I WANTED AAAAA

Taglist: @merwynsartblog @clownazon @dismissivedestroyer @jonesy-squish

My son, Theodor, has worked so hard for me, for this house, and for himself.

Every single good thing that ever happened to me, it was because of him. He is the light of my life, and I'm still unsure how such a weak body like mine ever managed to bring someone so strong to this world. It's just so ironical, you know?

My little boy wasn't even supposed to be here.

He was supposed to stay in heaven, in a place where no pain, suffering and sadness is present. The paradise. His real home.

But I was stubborn.

Why.

Was it really worth it?

Sometimes... sometimes I don't think so. But not for the reason you're thinking, I promise you.

As soon as I saw Theodor's face, I knew that now I truly loved someone and would never have any regrets towards my feelings. Holding him for the first time... I don't even know how to describe such feeling. It was just... amazing. It actually happened. My son gave me moments where I could actually smile.

But then, what about him?

I have doomed him.

I destroyed him.

Giving birth to him, it just allowed him to suffer with a woman like myself.

If I decided... if I listened to that man, Theodor would continue to be an angel. He would be free. He would be happy.

And I took that chance from him.

I don't deserve to be treated so kindly, after I ruined his future. He has no education, he's working, he's cooking, cleaning... that's not a task for kids to be focusing on. This is the obligation of the parents, the adults of the house.

I am the adult of the house.

My son is only fourteen.

[wishing-stones]

Alternatively, how do the skeles care for a sick human? I’d imagine Baggs would be the best candidate for medical care, but probably not snuggles..

Baggs, since you mention him, is absolutely the best candidate for medical care, but if he's especially attached to you (and doesn't have any immediately pressing duties), he can absolutely be conned into snuggles. Safety, comfort, and security are also integral to getting better! If you're stressed and feeling alone, your immune system won't bounce back like it should. (Besides, you're running warmer than normal, and even if you object because you're gross and snotty, he'll wipe your face and cuddle up. He likes the warm.)

As for everyone else:

Killer is pretty okay with this. He'll sit and lounge with you-- you can even put your head in his lap and he'll run his fingers through your hair while you watch TV. It's okay if you drift off and wake up at random intervals-- you need your sleep to get better, after all! He's also a big fan of the 'laughter is the best medicine' adage Dust will cuddle up with you and play some video games instead of watching TV. Something nice and cozy-- BOTW/TOTK, Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, Minecraft, something like that. Sometimes, if you're especially restless, he'll just walk around in an open-world game just to have the ambiance and scenery to help soothe you. Axe is caught between cuddling with you and making you soup. It's all very easy to eat, meat so tender it melts in your mouth, vegetables that fall apart and are easy to chew, chock full of all the good things your body needs to fight off this bug. He'll make it spicy too, if you can handle it! Burn it out is an option. Cross prefers this. He believes you can't make mucus if you burn it out of your system. Whatever heat you can stand, he encourages you to eat it. He'll help if you need to stand and move around if you have to, and is happy to run errands to get things you need. He gets a little antsy sitting still, but if you need cuddles and rest, he'll oblige and stay put. Nightmare plays that he's put-upon having to take care of you, but you can tell that he's hamming it up to make you laugh. He's very gentle and can be made to cuddle if you need it. He makes sure you get your sleep, too-- and there's no need to worry about terrible fever dreams while he's around. He's actually... pretty concerned, and hovers a lot. You might have to shoo him off-- you aren't dying from a pox or anything, it's just a cold. You may be languishing in a lovely canopied bed in a rococo castle, but you aren't suffering consumption or an imbalance of humours. (Which makes him laugh.)

[denybunnyforgood]

Denial Conceptual Scheme

It's no secret that it will never cum again. Kind of the premise of the blog, lol. But why? it's talked to and read a lot of reasons for why people give up orgasms, and it thought hey why not organize, share, and write down some thoughts about all of those reasons!

it's noticed basically eight axes along which people get into denial, and you can basically skip around and read any of them.

Dependent on one's desires vs. independent of one's desires.

Even if it didn't want it, would it have a reason to be denied?

Other-desire fulfilling vs. other-pleasure causing.

Even if those who wanted it never knew, would it have a reason to be denied?

Self-pleasure causing vs. self-suffering causing.

Even if it made it feel worse, would it have a reason to be denied?

Direct opportunity benefit vs. indirect opportunity benefit.

How many 'whys' before you reach what makes the denial valuable?

Individualistic vs. via constructed oppressive hierarchy.

Is it being denied because it in particular should be denied, or because it is in a category that ought to be oppressed?

Realistic vs. naturalized.

What is that oppression like?

Aesthetic vs. carnal.

Is the denial for something aesthetic or for a certain feeling?

Gaslighting vs. genuine.

Does one cite actual or playfully implausible reasons to stay denied?

On top of going over all of these, it's also going to post examples (with permission) over time as it comes across them or as people send them in (though this blog is pretty unpopular, so the latter suggestion is pretty optimistic!). So far, no examples yet, hope to change soon!

Dependent on one's desires vs. independent of one's desires.

Some reasons for actions or attitudes aren't dependent on ur motivational profile. For example, it doesn't matter whether you want to save a pig who's stuck and asking you for help, you have reason to. Maybe you don't want to get your suit dirty; that doesn't matter! If someone is stuck, your reasons to help them are unrelated to what you want and you're failing to recognize what you have a reason to do if you don't think you have a reason to help someone who's stuck! Let's call these moral reasons (in reality, there are many counterexamples to this understanding of moral reasons, this is just a stipulative term for convenience).

Some reasons for actions or attitudes are dependent on your motivations though! The only reason you'd have to season your rice is because you want your rice seasoned. Call these prudential reasons.

A reason for orgasm denial which is dependent on one's desires:

it only wants to focus only on people's pleasure, so it has a reason to never cum again!

A reason for orgasm denial which is independent of one's desires:

it wishes so desperately it could just cum, its life would be so much more enjoyable, but the moral reality of it is that for an object whose pleasure and desires has no worth to cum and enjoy itself would violate the dignity of actual people, who have the right to live in a world where it never, ever cums again.

These ends of the spectrum are completely compatible. Denial can meet reasons from both ends of this axis without any true contradictions. For it personally though, while there are many who are into denial because it's something they want to do personally, it came to realize when it was younger that in its position, it was obligated to avoid making sex enjoyable for itself and that it had been making a mistake each time it did enjoy itself. it's doing better now and it really appreciates it when people share similar experiences, of realizing it was just wrong or that objects genuinely don't deserve to cum and stuff!

Other-desire fulfilling vs. other-pleasure causing.

This is probably going to require an entirely new post, but basically there's a difference between pleasure and desire satisfaction.

When you believe your desires are satisfied, you feel pleasure. But the two can come apart. If you want a painting to be sold, and the painting gets sold but you died believing it never would be, then while your desires were actually satisfied, you felt no pleasure. Meanwhile, if you died thinking your paintings would be sold but they got destroyed, your desires weren't satisfied but you felt pleasure.

Here's a true story, the previous Owner it gave up all of its orgasms for didn't gain any extra pleasure from it doing so, and it knew this, but it did actually meet more of her desires. That's why it did it. This may help make the difference clear.

Here's if it only had reasons for orgasm denial which concerned that Owner's pleasure:

She thinks it's so much worse off being denied for months at a time and she gets a lot of pleasure from believing that. This isn't true since the months of denial are so hot and cause such intense orgasms that it more than makes up for it. But she doesn't know that, so this is great for both of us!

Here's if it had reasons for orgasm denial which concerned Owner's desires:

She wants it to be so much worse off.

Whether or not it confesses to her that it's not actually much worse off unless it's permanently denied, her pleasure will be the same. Because either way, she will believe it's so much worse off. But her desires wouldn't be satisfied unless it's permanently denied.

it should tell her so she strips it of all orgasms for the rest of its life. Even though she won't feel any better, and it'd feel far, far worse, it has a reason to do this because it's what she wants.

it isn't with this Owner anymore, but one upshot of recognizing that desires are worthy of satisfying is that even if nobody ever recognized it was doing it, there are still plenty of reasons to stay denied. There are plenty of people out there who want objects like it to avoid making sex enjoyable for themselves, and so it does its best to satisfy their desires, even if they never find out.

That said, it is of course better if people get pleasure out of its convictions as well, hence this blog that others may one day find!

Self-pleasure causing vs. self-suffering causing.

This is what made it want to make this post, actually! it noticed that even though denial has gotten more popular, some posts are like "Denial feels better anyway because it's hot and it's longer!" or "Denial is a great way to make your eventual orgasms feel better!"

But much more rarely, it'll find posts that it relates to far more, where one's overall experience is worse, and that's precisely the reason for being denied.

Reasons for orgasm denial which are self-pleasure causing:

Giving up orgasms creates this constant, pleasant buzz!

Being denied puts it in subspace, which feels amazing!

Reasons for orgasm denial which are self-suffering causing:

Giving up orgasms creates this constant, uncomfortable frustration and it should suffer!

Being denied is torture!

it would say 8 out of 9 times it gets to the edge and gets denied, it only has the latter reasons for being denied but like 1 out of 9 times it does enter that amazing space where it just looks up at whoever is using it and it can see how little they care about its well-being and it can't help but be overwhelmed by admiration. It's really hard for people to truly understand that it is an object and seeing in someone's eyes their recognition that they don't have to care what it wants or whether it breathes or even comes out of this experience conscious, and being blown away by the awe it feels is so transcendent that the experience is justified by its beauty.

Direct opportunity benefit vs. indirect opportunity benefit.

The benefit that comes from denial can be more or less direct.

Reasons for orgasm denial because it's very directly beneficial:

People want it denied, so they get desire satisfaction, which is valuable in itself.

People feel good when it's denied, which is valuable in itself.

it being denied is beautiful, which is valuable in itself.

Reasons for orgasm denial because it's less directly beneficial:

Denial causes it to suffer, which people want, so they get desire satisfaction, which is valuable in itself.

Denial causes it to suffer, which makes people feel good, which is valuable in itself.

Denial causes it to suffer, which is beautiful, which is valuable in itself.

Denial causes it to admire those who have the strength to use it and only care about their own well-being, which is morally good, which is valuable in itself.

Reasons for orgasm denial because it's very indirectly beneficial:

Denial causes it to suffer, which causes it to understand the insignificance of its well-being, which people want, so they get desire satisfaction, which is valuable in itself.

Denial causes it to rewire its brain, so that it is less capable of receiving certain pleasures, which makes its life worse, which is morally good, which is valuable in itself.

The more steps you get to that "valuable in itself" part, the more indirect it is. This axis is a bit unique in that it thinks most of those it's met have had reasons across the whole spectrum, but it has noticed that for most individuals, it's super hard to like figure things out when their reasons are more indirect. It takes an intense amount of reflection and deliberation. Maybe just creating this axis and giving some examples will make it easier to talk about all kinds of reasons for being denied!

Individualistic vs. via constructed oppressive hierarchy.

Some reasons take some arbitrary yet oppressive social construction, like race, species, but usually, gender. Then they have an ideology that arises from that construction generate norms, and those norms provide reasons for the orgasm denial. Others, however, have reasons for orgasm denial that are specific to their own dispositions and are unrelated to culture or ideology.

Reasons for orgasm denial that are individualistic:

it shouldn't cum because it enters subdrop and depression, but not everyone is like that.

it shouldn't cum because that's what its particular Owner wants, even if other Owners want something else.

A reason for orgasm denial that are hierarchical and ideological:

it was born inferior, she was born superior, so we have a reason to deny its orgasms and focus on hers.

it has a complicated relationship to this axis because it doesn't believe any of our dominant hierarchies confer any reasons. The invention of race, the construction of patriarchy, and so on are all bullshit. However, the patriarchy did create a series of traumas for it which, because of the particular dispositions it was born with, did lead to it developing into an object instead of a person. And while in an ideal world, those traumatic events wouldn't exist, since it's here it does believe as a work of art that it is the kind of thing whose well-being and life quality is of no value, and it's ashamed it took it so long to recognize this.

it doesn't think it was literally born worth less, but it thinks it was traumagenically and coercively shaped into something that is genuinely worth less, and it's important to it at least that we have a culture that is able to affirm object-gendered individuals and treats their well-being as being worth less, and it has often wished it could unionize with other objects to fight for lesser rights and fewer opportunities to orgasm. Further thoughts on this will probably have to be explored in a future post, like it's important not to create a permanent hierarchy that becomes rigid and unresponsive to the complexities of objecthood, but it wouldn't mind fighting again and again for better norms.

Realistic vs. naturalized.

This builds off of orgasm denial often being ideological and depends on a variety of social constructions. Is that social construction treated realistically, as just an arbitrary and ideological set of demarcations? Or does the fantasy that it's a natural kind provide reasons for denial?

A reason for orgasm denial from the reality of construction:

it just happened to be arbitrarily demarcated at birth to be conditioned to see its own pleasure as intrinsically worthless. As such, it now finds the notion that it's worse off than if it'd been conditioned differently so tantalizing! it was so unlucky and that's so hot and gives it a reason to make sure its pleasure continues being denied!

A reason for orgasm denial from the fantasy of naturalization:

it was naturally born inferior and deserves to be subordinated by those born superior. So, there's reason to deny it any orgasms.

it does sometimes like to tell whoever's using it that it was just born an object because it knows that that fantasy would mean a lot to us in that moment, but overall recognizing the truth that it was just arbitrary is often more meaningful.

Aesthetic vs. carnal.

There are plenty of aesthetic properties. Beauty, sublimeness, daintiness, serenity, tragedy, etc. When we engage with a work of art, we seek these properties in order to try and figure out the appropriate response, and when we discover that we missed a property or recognized one that wasn't there, we change our response accordingly.

These responses are generally both in some sense constitutive of who we are, what we wish to be, and some of them can be rather detached.

Paradigmatic carnal responses, like arousal, a desire to skullfuck it, etc. are sexuality-adjacent and raw, and are often more viscerally sensory.

The geometry of this axis is not really a straight line, as the relationship between art and sex is difficult. But it's worth including!

Reasons for orgasm denial due to aesthetics:

It's really quite cute when it's nearly tearing the mattress, gripping it because of its intense need to get past the edge.

it was born with a form that enhances through suffering. So, there's a reason to maintain that form and make sure it never cums again!

Reasons for orgasm denial due to carnal attitudes:

it never cums so you can cum harder. <3

Gaslighting vs. genuine.

Finally, it's noticed that some reasons are presented genuinely, but others are presented frivolously. This is a hard one to give examples for, since these come down to the context and intentions involved.

But for instance, when it talks about denial, it usually lists the actual reasons it has to be denied, that it knows outweigh its reasons to ever orgasm again. Denial ruins its life, people want it denied, it's an object, etc.

Other times though, you'll see these lists that are like "Look at all these benefits for denying yourself! Meanwhile what's an orgasm give you? A brief few seconds of pleasure?" The reductive description of what comes of cumming is just obviously incorrect, but that's the appeal for those that appeals to.

Okay so,

Why has it committed to never cumming again? Along these axes, it knows that it is morally obligated to never cum again because that ruins its life, and people want its life ruined. If it weren't morally obligatory it would really not like its life ruined, but it's an object, and objects should be stripped of their opportunities to an enjoyable life, so yeah!

If anyone has any examples of these, please let it know!

edit: Here is a later conceptual scheme for categorizing objects.

[steak-n-popotoes]

FFxivWrite '24 - 28

"Good evening Milos. How are you faring today?" Eileif asked.

The boy's mother, Isadora, spoke for him in a hushed tone. "Not good, I'm afraid. His symptoms are... pronounced at the moment."

"I see..." Eileif murmured. He moved over to Milos' bedside and knelt down to where the boy would be able to see him without needing to be re-positioned. "Well, today I have brought a couple of very dear friends of mine whom I would like you to meet."

Completely unabashed, Beef came closer to Milos' bedside, where he was just about at the other boy's eye level himself.

"This is Beef-" Eileif stopped himself before adding on 'yes, just like the food,' as he realized that beef was unlikely to be a part of Alexandrians' highly-processed diet, "-and trust me when I say he would like nothing more than to become your friend."

Beef smiled and produced a number of treasures from his satchel: shiny stones, feathers, his sketchbook among them. It was well that Beef was so adept at communicating without the use of words, as Eileif had employed his aid several times in the past to raise young patients' spirits. Beef would do as he did, unafraid of his new friend's illness.

While Eileif observed Milos' state, Isadora guided Beef toward what parts of Milos' body still retained the most sense, that he might still enjoy the tactile aspect of the feathers on his face and fingertips, for example.

But they elicited no response. If not for the labored rise and fall of his chest, Eileif might have feared the worst.

He addressed Milos again. "Would you believe me if I told you that Beef too suffers from an aetheric imbalance? Yours is because of the lightning, but Beef's is caused by overexposure to wind. At times, he's even grown feathers, just like these." He once again pressed a feather into Milos' hand. Nothing.

"However, Beef has a couple of his own friends who help him manage and reduce his symptoms." Eileif patted Gale's head, hastily removing his hand before she could attack it and ruin the illusion of docility. "Gale here is one of a kind and has to stay with Beef, but I think his other friend will be able to help you, too."

With a simple gesture, he conjured forth the same porxie he used to treat Beef's own condition (several times over, much to his chagrin).

"Have you ever seen such a charming fellow?" Eileif asked. "He's called a porxie, and he has the special ability to take all of that extra lightning aether you're carrying around and... gobble it up until you feel better." He lamented that he couldn't use a more technical turn of phrase, but between the boy's tender age and the fact that it was an honest statement about what the porxie would actually do...

"I'll be teaching your mother how to summon her own, that way she can do an even better job taking care of you than she already does." He punctuated the thought with a professional smile to Isadora.

In truth, he knew what would happen even before the report arrived via mailmoogle not long after his visit - the boy's symptoms would be alleviated and his quality of life would steady, but the levin sickness would remain until the deleterious effects of the dome ceased to be. Such was the true source and cause of Milos' suffering.

Eileif would not rest until that cancerous growth was excised.

From the corner of his eye, he saw movement from Milos. His eyelids fluttered bleakly for the first and only time that visit.

"Queen… Sphene…"

Beef was still flipping through the pages of his sketchbook for the other boy's benefit.

Oh, Beef… must you have shown him that particular drawing?

A wave of conflicting emotions washed over Eileif all at once. Guilt, but not regret. Confidence, but not pride. Conviction seen through, and new obligations.

So Isadora had been unable to tell him. No doubt for fear that his condition might worsen... Then, it was only right that Eileif should be the one to break the news.

He took Milos' hand in his own, willing that some onze of feeling yet remained within the afflicted digits that would take in his warmth and lend the oath credence.

"I'm afraid Queen Sphene will no longer be able to visit you, Milos. But I promise you, I will be here in her stead."

[here-there-were-dragons]

while i'm talking about the issues with and blind spots in minecraft biomes mods, another significant blind spot that no mod currently even really attempts to cover is this,

there are no ocean biome mods. none.

much less good ones.

at best, you will find ocean biomes thrown in as a sort of afterthought to big mega-biome packs like Wyther's Expanded Ecosphere.

and the universal problem shared by all of the ocean biomes in those mods,

is that absolutely none of them are designed to be anything other than The Place You Go To Get That One Resource And Never come Back.

there is nigh-zero concern for the aesthetics of the place. none of them are designed with the slightest thought of being somewhere you might even want to stop and look at much less somewhere you might want to stay. remember in early minecraft when everyone would make underwater glass bases? there's no concern for if someone might want to do that here. i talked about the problem of the persistent mindset in both vanilla and modded biome-design that "a biome is 1 ground 1 tree 1-3 grass" and i would argue no biomes suffer from this greater than the underwater ones. it makes it very difficult to play things like, dragon survival water dragons, or any of the number of mermaid or obligate-amphibious race mods, because no matter how many biome mods you install it's nigh-impossible to find one that's actually designed to be just pleasant to be in in the same way that say, a forest biome is. nobody goes into making underwater biomes with the philosophy that you might just want to take a photogenic stroll through the woods in them, instead they just slap on one or two types of plants and call it done. if you're very lucky, it'll do something cool with the generation of things on and above the surface of the water, but everything below it will be a bland gravelly neglected afterthought.

a lot of shaders suffer from this issue too. BSL for example when underwater looks practically vanilla.

[kenjakusbraincum]

heyo :) anon who requested sick!reader here

the work was absolutely painful (💀) but that's okay, that's what I wanted anyway, and you're absolutely amazing, already said that in a previously sent message, but gurl I couldn't tell you how much I actually like the reader dying trope, and how I kind of had that in the back of my mind while requesting but didn't say it, so thank you for that once again AND ALSO I've been reading all those requests you're getting for a follow up fic where reader is reincarnated and sukuna finds them but ykw ikindofreallywantreadertostaydead 🥺👉👈 (it feels so stupid for wanting something other ppl don't want 😭💀) like how do I explain it- I just kind of hoped for sukuna to live with that grief yk, of not having shown her enough love and then losing her..idk maybe it's just me, but I really don't want her coming back

BUT ALSO this is your work and hence completely your choice, you've given birth to the character, ofc it's up to you what you do with it lol, I'll read it anyway 😭 I really love your works lmao

and also, pls don't shut up and no you didn't go overboard with it, it was just ✨perfect✨

Ahhhh anon I'm so grateful for the opportunity to write that request and unleash my evil angsty side for once 😌💅 I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

And I totally get where you're coming from with wanting reader to stay dead!! As I mentioned in one of the previous asks, I LOVED making Sukuna suffer 😭 Just him regreting every single time he was disgusting towards reader since the start of their little thing. Him wishing he could redo everything again, wishing he wasn't so brutal because he never had to be brutal at all, reader would've loved him either way. Reader ofc wouldn't even hold it against him but he does, he can't forgive himself.. and then he goes back to being a monster, because there's nothing left for him to be human for. I love the idea of being so special to him, being singlehandedly both the reason he became human (in a metaphorical sense) and the reason he went back to his old ways.

But the reincarnation scenario lures me for two reasons, one is how much there is to explore within the idea. Like how do they meet? Who recognizes who? Does reader remember him instantly or does it take time? How does Sukuna go about retrieving them, does he just snatch and steal and take like he always does, or does he try it differently? And how does reader react to all this, what if they reject him in this lifetime? DOES SUKUNA HAVE ENOUGH RIZZ TO GET READER TO STAY WHEN HE'S NOT FORCING THEM??? Lorddd my brain is going places and I love a prompt that gets me thinking.

And the main reason: I really badly want an excuse to write Sukuna being uncharacteristically nice from the start. I always feel an obligation to do him at least a bit of justice by making him cold in the beginning, but reincarnated reader gives me an excuse to make him gentle, esp with nsfw stuff 🥺 And everyone knows I'm a sucker for gentle Sukuna...

BUT anyways, even if you don't like this idea pls feel free to pretend part 2 never happens and is a totally separate little scenario!! Nothing is official canon in this little universe of my works and ppl are free to pick and choose which fics are canon and which aren't in their interpretations ✨

[jasperjv]

Hey. So 2 years ago Connor Lavery's aka khonjin's psychological torture of me reached fever pitch in my psyche and I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital in a severe psychotic breakdown that lasted almost 3 months. Now I'm indexed in his long story of his supposed inexplicable persecution. He thinks me, in my psychotic state, demanding monetary compensation for his gaslighting and harassment, was some kind of attempt at "cancellation" and me throwing a tantrum instead of communicating like an adult. However I deleted my entire social media presence after getting back from the hospital and haven't bothered him since. But he still thinks I did something to him.

The man is dangerous. He believes that the worst sin of mankind is the ego, so he makes it his mission to bully the fuck out of everyone until they have no self-esteem, boundaries of their own, or healthy sense of self whatsoever. The elimination of the ego however is what psychosis is, also unable to suppress the flow of the unconscious, identical to a waking dream. But when that happened to me after 2 years of mind games, he retreated into himself and framed it in the most disgusting way possible. Which you will see.

Embedded here is the first video I made myself specifically on this topic. You will see more details in a more recent video, and follow the trail I put in that video's description to get my full story. For the podcast in particular I would give a content warning for assault, sexual assault, ableism ("saneism"?) and general torture and terror.

There's nothing on God's green earth I could do or say to force him to take me seriously. I have probably half of you people blocked because just seeing anything to do with him would make my blood pressure spike. And it's high enough as-is just due to genetics. Maybe the rest of you might be able to be reached.

I'm so sick of fucking self-centered freaks trying to hold me accountable for actual psychosis because they're so desperate to blame anyone or anything but themselves for their part in tragedy. I really get gaslit about my own psychosis, and forced to prove a negative repeatedly (which we know is a lexical impossibility). I'm handed a blatant double-standard about mental health awareness and basic human decency, when in many cases I desperately need it more than most. Schizophrenia sufferers are 1% of the population. We're dwarfed by most, if not all, other mental illnesses. In this I continue to be thrown alone to the wolves. Sometimes even while being laughed at, it truly feels like. So I feel like I have to do all in my power to help make sure that this happens to fewer people than it would otherwise.

The callouts in 2018, the types of points of persuasion they were trying didn't make sense to me. Maybe this, though, could strike others. I'm more specific about how exactly he destroys people from the inside out. Stay the fuck away from him.

He's scared of losing his financial support from Patreon and ad revenue or whatever. I really, truly felt for that for a long time. But now I know that none of us are obligated to keep his ass afloat. It would be nobody's fault but his own if he didn't even try to heal his fucked up mindset and was just a raging misanthrope nobody wants to deal with. When you get to be my age, you become aware of all the ways to make a living. He could get disability. He could get a factory job, for instance. And that paid me an absurd amount of money. He needs to make up his mind about if he wants to be around people or not. Because he can't keep treating them the way that he does.

Oh, and if you're reading this and you happen to have any social connections with him whatsoever, for the love of God, do not let him put you on the defensive. About anything. Over and over again. It chips away at you. He doesn't have the answers. He doesn't have any objective taste like he desperately wants to think. He doesn't know any wisdoms that you couldn't get from someone who won't talk down to you.

Took me quite a while to convince him of the truth that he is only older than me by only a few months. I needed my hope in humanity and the future in order to not go and end it all. He did not give a fuck. He kept accusing me of lying about not being a naïve teenager. Just for that. Ask any well-adjusted and experienced adult and they will tell you to stay far away from people like that. The motivations that drive them to that behavior and opinion are bad, bad news.

He is intelligent, in the scariest ways. Intelligence of that type allows dysfunctional people like him to fabricate lines of logic that justify and enable the abuse they already sought to do. Literally anything can be justified with just the right kind of logic. Trust your gut. Guard your mind. It's the only one you've got.

He leads an excessively stressful life, creates his own dysfunctional world both inside and around him. I truly believe that this causes him many health problems. I've been having nightmares because of him. And as this built up and weighed heavy on my mind I got a fucking hemorrhoid. It went away very quickly after I made this video.

I'm feeling anxious as I type this. But I have to tell myself that anyone who would continue harassment of me over all the truth I've spoken is not worth my time or space. This isn't for them. It's for me, and it's for people who still have basic respect and empathy left in them.

Yours truly,

"slug"