#you wont have the chance to see me as anything but an annoying but averagely pretty person on the internet. im scared of meeting you.

[nimomo-mo]

Vent

[writingsfromthegrave]

hey there! i hope its fine that i request for a monster prom matchup <3

I am a cis girl (she/her), as well as aroace, so if it's fine, i would mainly like a platonic match up! I am more around the average size when it comes to height, but i still trip over my own legs and feet all the time ^^; I have brown, frizzy hair that goes down to my shoulders w/ purple in it! Although hard to see sometimes i quite like the color. For fashion style, it matches my personality a bit--i mainly wear the same sorta of outfit everyday, of jeans and some sort of jacket, preferably hoodie to hide myself in. i quite like oversized sweaters though and love wearing them when given the chance <3

Personality wise, i am very reserved. i grew up in a quiet household, so i've just been more on the quiet side of things. public areas that are loud and confined with too many people freak me out just a bit ^^; but with that, i like to say i'm passionate! i really love to write, and its something that i will talk about all the time if given the chance. i can be very awkward if i meet someone for the first time, but once i get to know them i become a bit loud and a little bit more outgoing. i love to rant about anything that's on my mind, whether it be what i'm currently writing or a new media that's sucked me in lol i get excited very easily and i just love to talk about it out loud. but also, i'm very quick to anger. i think emotions just come to me easily in general, but it wont take very much to make me annoyed or angry lol ;; but focusing on different things like my writings helps to distract me <3

i hope this was enough information! i really love doing matchups lol and yours are great! thanks so much!! <33

absolutely !! writing a platonic matchup is just as fun as writing any other one !!

anyway, i think you'd be best friends with . . .

Polly Poltergeist !!

♡ now, i know what you're thinking. you two are complete opposites! how could this strange friendship have formed in the first place? how could you two ever get along? well, she made it work. initially polly had probably just spoken to you for funsies while bored in class, but the more she learned about you, the more she'd be begging for you to break out of your shell and party with her & your classmates.

♡ yes; she was a little annoying, bothering you constantly. but polly had entirely good intentions, she wanted you to be comfortable around people & be a little more relaxed! she didn't necessarily understand where you were coming from, but overtime became adjusted to your reservedness.

♡ you two would hang out one-on-one, polly enjoying your company even if you were a little more quiet than she was used to. definitely hypes you up when you rant, encouraging you to go further and further and let it all out. if you have an issue with someone at the school, polly is 100% down to have some sweet, sweet revenge. only if you really insist she shouldn't.

♡ polly won't force you into a party at all. she'll encourage you and plead with you, but won't peer pressure you into doing/trying anything you're not ready for. if anything, she'd invite you to smaller, more controlled ones if you agree to it. you're her best friend and she just wants to see you grow and have fun!

♡ once you unleash that loud side of yours? yeah, things are really going to be fun. you two would mostly hang out in public places, not with a group bigger than four though, including you two. she still understands that you get nervous and she's not going to purposefully put you into a situation like that.

♡ you two probably have such long conversations, in person and over the phone. she just won't shut up and neither will you. although she just can't seem to stop talking, polly listens to you fully and is very interested in ur passions! will for sure read ur writing for u before u send it out to the public and give you tips/advice (she's not that good but bare with her she tries).

♡ "hey put in this earbud" "okay" * loud music ensues *

♡ will put her shades on your head for shits & giggles. thinks you look totally badass in them and WILL beg you to keep them on for a day or two. she would def buy you matching shirts or smth like that, "i'm with stupid ->" and makes u wear them on campus

♡ overall she parades your friendship around like nothing else and will show you off if you're comfortable. "look at how cool my fuckin' bestfriend is !!" you two literally do everything together and it's insane tbh

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Ace Merrill

(Not my gif)(Requested by a few anonymous askers)

- You’d been out with a few of your friends, visiting a drive in movie theater when you just so happened to catch Ace’s eye. He had to do a double take when he saw you for the first time, since when did Castle Rock have stray models wandering around?

- Well, what’s a guy supposed to do? Not come talk to you? Uh, uh, not an option. 

- So, while you were standing at the concession stand, the greaser sidled up to you, leaning against the counter and introducing himself with a charming smile. He made conversation as you waited for your food, sprinkling in little flirty comments and twirling a strand of your hair between his fingers. 

- Not too long after, the cashier returned with your order; interrupting the two of you. You gathered your purchase, a bit disappointed that you had to say goodbye so soon. 

- Just as you were trying to think of something to say, he asked if he could take you out sometime. The two of you made plans to see each other before your friends urgently called you over. You hurriedly said goodbye to the blonde, giving him a quick apology before heading over to your seat. 

“See you around, y/n/n.” 

- Once you joined back with your group, they began to warn you about how much trouble your “new friend” was. To be honest, it sort of turned you off of him and rightfully so. A womanizing criminal was not exactly the kind of guy you were looking for. 

- With your friends words in mind, you made sure to avoid the blonde, not meeting him for your date and not answering his calls. Unfortunately for you, you’d relinquished just enough information about yourself for him to be able to track you down and by that I mean, he visited your work. 

- Finally, you were forced to confront him and admit that, yes, you’d been avoiding him. He seemed more than a little pissed but he tried to be on his best behavior, especially when asking if that mean’t you “couldn’t be friends”. 

- You felt bad for jerking him around so you hesitantly agreed to, at least, be on good terms with him. Lets just say you didn’t stay just friends for very long. 

- After only a week of hanging out with him, you find yourself fooling around in the backseat of his car. Don’t be too hard on yourself, Ace is a professional. 

- You tugged your sweater back on, running your fingers through your mussed up hair as the boy lit a cigarette. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders as you settled back against the seat, blowing out a cloud of smoke before he spoke. 

“You’re mine now, alright?”

“Yeah,” you said quietly, a small smile finding it’s way onto your lips. “yeah, alright.” 

- And so, the two of you began your “secret” relationship. 

- Ace really isn’t too bad, just rough around the edges. You learn to live with his faults and just try to stop him from doing anything too against the law or dangerous. 

- He has a cold and tough exterior but his insides are... well mostly the same but with beer, some gooey parts and lots of love for you. 

- Can I just say that something tells me Ace is a momma’s boy. Like his family is pretty dysfunctional but his ma means a whole lot to him and she’s the sweetest little woman you’ll ever meet. He’s very excited to introduce you. 

- He usually calls you doll, darlin’, angel and babe. You cant decide which ones your favorite, he makes them all sound so good. 

- He’s always messing with something, whether that be a car part, knife or something of yours. 

- Constant pda. He has his hands on you whenever you let him and will try to sneak some contact whenever you wont. The only reason you wouldn’t let him was if you’re around someone you don’t want knowing you’re together.

- The looks that he gives you in public, oh dear. 

- He makes it damn clear to everyone that you belong to him so yes, you could say that he’s pretty jealous. 

- If anyone even tries to flirt with you they need to watch their backs while walking home. He’s not afraid to pull a knife on a guy in a bar, what do you think he’d do to someone when they’re all alone?

- You probably get an ‘Ace’ tattooed on you at some point. He’d usually just do something like that himself but he wants it to look nice so he’ll take you to an actual shop; unless of course, you want him to do it.

- He most likely tattooed your name on himself, making you do the first letter yourself. He thinks it’s cute when you keep apologizing for “hurting him”.

- Raunchy compliments. If you’re lucky he’ll just say you “look good” or that he “likes it” when you’ve done something new to yourself. 

- Husky morning/late night whispers. 

- Sometimes he’ll arrive home late at night, stumble around for a while and then just collapse onto you, falling asleep as you watch tv. He’s usually a little tipsy so you just run your fingers through your hair and let him nap. 

- Most of the time he’ll wake up all groggy a few minutes later, throw you over his shoulder and carry you off to your actual bed which is just a cozy tad bit too small.

- He drags Eyeball to the store with him whenever he needs to get you a gift.

“How bout roses? Girls like that kinda shit right?”

- Eyeball probably has a crush on you, he can’t help it; there aren’t a lot of girls in town who are as nice as you, not to mention as pretty. 

- All the cobras think you’re adorable and the best girlfriend any one of them could ever manage to get. They grew especially fond of you after you brought them beer when they ran out.

- Trying to stop him from messing with kids. He tones it down, mostly whenever you’re around, but never really quits. 

- Fake wrestling. It’s fun to roll around on the floor with you a little, especially when he wins which is often. 

- So much sarcasm, if you don’t know how to hold your own then you better learn quick. 

- Helping him or keeping him company while he cleans his car. He sprays you a few times with the hose because he’s an asshole. 

- He’s made you sit on the hood of his car for a picture at least once. 

 “I’ll give you two bucks if you let me take one of you topless.”

- He likes standing behind you while you cook and resting his head on your shoulder.

- Cutting his hair for him. There’s something oddly satisfying about sitting in a tiny bathroom with him, balancing on the sink ledge and trying your best to not mess up. 

- He doesn’t give a fuck, he’ll buy you pads. Who's going to give him shit for it? His friends? He’ll beat their asses into next week. 

- Going to drag races. 

- Watching him play pool. 

- Rough kisses. 

- Hickeys, bruises, and bite marks. 

- Sitting on his lap. 

- Getting pinned to things because he likes seeing you all flustered. 

- Let’s be honest, there’s a lot of sex. The mans horny like 80% of the time. Anything you do turns him on. Thankfully, being good at sex is one of his redeeming qualities. 

- He’s the kind of guy to slap and grab your ass in public with no shame.

- Whenever you walk in front of him he tends to pull you back against him so that you’re pressed against his chest. It’s both because he can't keep his hands off of you and because it shows that you’re his to everyone around you.

- Whenever you’re in the car together, he drives with one hand on the wheel and the other on your thigh. 

- Him doing really dangerous shit and making you worry. He thinks it’s kinda cute when you do, not many people genuinely care about his well being. 

- He thinks it’s fun to annoy you so expect him to act like a little shit every now and again, putting things you need on the top shelf and stealing your clothes or towel from the bathroom while you’re showering. 

- He’ll usually annoy you until you talk to him whenever you try to give him the silent treatment. 

- Your parents found out about the two of you when they caught you making out in his car, a few months into your relationship. It certainly made convincing them that he’s actually an alright guy  pretty hard. 

- Depending on their personalities, they either made you stop seeing him for a little while as a punishment then tried their best to accept it or they just kicked you out of the house. This was the 60’s after all, most parents were pretty strict and judgmental. 

- If they decide to kick you out then you’re moving in with him, plain and simple. You're his girl, he’ll take care of you.

- Fights are rough, like really rough. There’s yelling, insults, things being thrown. It’s just overall not a fun time. Either you or him storm out at some point; if it’s him then you usually aren’t there when he gets back. You go to stay with your friend for a while. 

- He calls you constantly and tries to find you whenever you’re out in public. He’s still pissed off but he misses you and feels kind of horrible when he comes home and doesn’t find you there. He’ll usually spot you when you’re walking home and will drive up beside you to try and win you back. 

“Get in the car y/n.”

“Get lost Ace!” You shout, spouting off some rant about how you’re through and aren’t coming back. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it! We’ll be doing this till the end of time darlin’.”

“This is the last damn time Ace.”

“Come on babe, gimme another chance. Why’d you get that tattoo if you couldn’t handle me.” He joked. 

“... If I get in that damn car you promise this won’t happen again?”

“Hell, I can’t promise anything but I’ll sure as hell try.”

- When you guys are in bed he’ll apologize for real, wrapping his arms around you while you lay your head on his chest.

“You do know I’m sorry, right?”

- He’s kind of just your average dirtbag who sometimes takes you for granted, then makes it up to you in some way that makes it really hard for you to leave. You know you should probably ditch him but you just can’t, you love him for better or for worse. 

- You probably have a civil ceremony or a really small wedding. He’s not one for stuff that’s big and fancy so something private is ideal for him. 

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [a phone number]

Ronnie: found you your own special plug

Joe: Can’t wait to get gang-raped by whoever this is

Joe: or maybe it’s a phishing scam, what route have you gone down 🤔

Ronnie: route of she can be your number 8 cos youre such a bike

Joe: it’s that kind of hook-up

Ronnie: pay for the gear if you cant get it up soft lad she looks fuck all like your ma

Ronnie: couldnt track down no more of her bastards for you soz

Joe: taking your role that seriously?

Joe: alright

Ronnie: getting out of it

Ronnie: she can babysit you

Joe: she probably lost custody of her own so

Joe: nice of you on all fronts

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: what, your dealer don’t like me or something

Ronnie: how the fuck would i know like

Ronnie: and how would he you legged it out of there soon as he showed

Joe: no shit I did

Ronnie: ordeals over now baby go cry to your new mammy about it

Joe: unlikely

Joe: but it ain’t my ordeal so

Ronnie: they ll swab & treat him he ll be sound

Joe: give a shit about him

Ronnie: if youve got something to say

Joe: I just said it

Joe: I don’t care about him

Ronnie: you dont care about me fuck off with your heroics

Joe: you didn’t want swooping up and saving, don’t mean I don’t give a fuck

Ronnie: your student loan aint gonna cover both our habits youd have me dopesick cause youre fucking jealous that means you dont

Joe: you’re jealous

Joe: and I said, didn’t stop you, didn’t say you had to

Joe: what’s fun about something oozing and itching in your pants, that’s all

Ronnie: of what

Joe: of every boring ex I have or will ever have

Ronnie: you wish

Ronnie: get em in a room together and they aint even jealous of each other

Joe: I know

Joe: x2

Ronnie: you dont know shit mckenna

Joe: so today I’m green

Joe: not the know-it-all smug college kid

Joe: nice to know how to play it

Ronnie: smug is right whenever i aint gonna suck your dick cause you can read music

Joe: that’s all that’s stopping you?

Ronnie: nah remember its the death wish attention whoring & mommy issues

Ronnie: cant both be functioning junkies youd have fuck all else to get a boner about

Joe: how long have you been doing heroin

Ronnie: youve got loads of catching up to do

Joe: yeah, so I don’t know why you’re acting like I’m being high and mighty

Joe: it’s literally been days

Ronnie: cause you are

Joe: no I’m not, just ‘cos I’d rather not suck dick when I have the funds

Joe: would you do it if you had the cash, that’s just stupid

Ronnie: youve been comparing me to any & every cunt since we met

Joe: like you don’t shit on me any and every chance you get

Joe: you were acting like them, the whole none of my shit is real because yours is SO real, that’s her whole bit

Ronnie: you cant stop fucking doing it even now fucks sake

Ronnie: i shit on you for you its not like i have any cunt to compare you to

Joe: alright, if you’re that sensitive about it

Joe: I’ll really stop

Joe: there 🤐

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: nah, that was a dick move, alright

Joe: let me make it up to you

Ronnie: youre crying shes a patronising cunt guess what youre right there too

Joe: alright, I deserve that

Ronnie: drop dead

Ronnie: yeah its been days days of me giving you whatever the fuck you ask for

Joe: I know

Joe: so what do you want, seriously

Joe: I’ll do it, make it happen, whatever

Ronnie: like fuck can you make anything happen

Ronnie: youre like every other doss cunt i know theres your comparison

Joe: Probably am

Joe: but you’re the only person I’ve met who feels close to whatever the fuck I am

Joe: there’s the truth

Ronnie: whichever of your exes that worked on is more west than either of us

Joe: Oh I can easily be that dickhead and tell you how crazy they all were

Ronnie: go ed

Joe: the second to last one was the worst

Joe: full-on stalked and harassed the last one like, for no reason

Joe: she also messed with all my shit in a way she thought would send me into an OCD spiral because she didn’t get it

Joe: and when she started hooking up with some other kid she’d send me pics like I’d be 💔

Joe: that’s just after, that was all kind of amusing in a boring way, she was less amusing to be with but more mental

Ronnie: shouldve had some tips off her for the stalking bullshit its probably not too late to send her a dm

Ronnie: ones ive got from this is i dont have to bother learning the alphabet cos id be better off fucking with your record collection by smashing it up & child porn does fuck all for you

Joe: that is my thing, turning up uninvited to fuck everything up

Joe: she might go for it

Joe: exactly, both good to know, yeah 😏

Joe: all pretty basic and vanilla but still, annoying as shit

Ronnie: unless you can get me to do it for you yeah

Ronnie: dinners at what like 7

Joe: you’re gonna ruin my happy uni home?

Joe: oh no

Joe: be there be 7, eating at 8, apparently

Joe: time to ‘mingle’ as she put it which sounds suspicious af

Ronnie: fucking hell

Ronnie: thank christ i already hate you

Joe: saves times, energy less so

Joe: your mate is up for it, unless he’s a convincing liar, which I could see

Ronnie: what energy do you want name it theres gear thatll give us it

Ronnie: he is but i cant see the con shes got fuck all any cunt wants other than pasta shapes & mariahs likely on a diet

Joe: 🤤 and not over her appetizers, like

Joe: there’ll only be the 6 of us so we’ll need entertainment

Ronnie: lad flatmates bringing a bitch

Ronnie: shes gonna need something to get her through it or something she can use to end it

Joe: yeah he has a missus

Joe: even though him and Sophie belong together as the most average whitebread couple ever

Ronnie: make it happen then

Joe: where’s my bow and arrow

Joe: their 💘 ain’t my problem

Ronnie: you said you could do whatever and we needed entertainment

Ronnie: put all that money where your mouth is

Joe: you’re well sweet

Joe: you want her to be living her best life

Joe: dunno if I can hack being his shoulder to cry on in the interim

Ronnie: your teeth wont have time to rot before you choke on em talking to me like that

Joe: go on then

Ronnie: you owe me i dont owe you

Joe: I thought you’d ask for something better

Joe: but your loss

Ronnie: yours youre thinking about it

Joe: I get it, you want it to be hell living here

Ronnie: i dont wanna have to ask

Joe: for what

Ronnie: anything

Joe: why not

Ronnie: you think you can read my mind or some shit

Joe: I’d like to

Joe: and I think you get me, and yeah, I think I get you more than the bullshit mommy issues attention whore comment that was to get a reaction

Joe: I don’t think we’re twin flames just because we share some DNA, I’m not that kind of delusional, believe it or not

Ronnie: cause weve shared a needle though yeah

Joe: I get it, another kid with a habit, you’ve met hundreds

Joe: it is different though

Joe: tell me it isn’t

Ronnie: different cos its a habit you didnt have days ago

Joe: it’s not your fault

Joe: for good or bad

Joe: you didn’t spike me without asking

Ronnie: i didnt say that

Ronnie: i said thats why its different

Joe: yeah

Ronnie: nobody did any of this shit for me i dont know why im doing it for you

Joe: do you want to, or do you think you need to

Ronnie: what the fuck does it matter

Joe: you either fuck with me, you like fucking with me or you think you’ve got to protect me or some bollocks

Ronnie: protect you from the needle i stuck in your arm yeah that makes loads of sense

Joe: from getting a bad dose, being beat up by one of your dealers

Ronnie: i just wanted a front row seat

Ronnie: im not gonna get one when your family finds out

Joe: that’s fine by me

Joe: you reckon they’ll fly me home for an intervention then?

Joe: shouldn’t be surprising how oblivious they are

Ronnie: i dont care what they do to try & fix it youll be at rock bottom by then

Joe: they won’t try, they don’t

Joe: just because I weren’t shooting up doesn’t mean I haven’t been doing plenty other fucked shit for ages without it ever being a conversation

Joe: one of the kids that they took in, is a walking skeleton

Joe: can’t get her to eat, some reason don’t do anything but try to reason with her like she’s reasonable, never mind the rest

Ronnie: no shit they dont i was proof of it before you or her

Ronnie: in the same town with the same name she fucking gave me and still out of sight out of mind

Joe: precisely

Joe: so if you’re hoping fucking me up will get her to come about then you shouldn’t bother, honestly

Joe: save yourself that disappointment

Ronnie: it aint about her paying attention

Joe: good

Ronnie: you wanna know me i only want you to know what it feels like

Joe: then let’s do it

Ronnie: nah i was rem to reckon it was worth shit

Ronnie: it aint

Ronnie: you aint

Ronnie: youre never gonna have your head wrecked how mine is and i cant be arsed to put the time in fucking you up in the selfish special way i need when you keep pure loving it like

Joe: is that not indicative of how I’m already quite fucked enough

Joe: just because it’s not abandonment based

Joe: what normal cunt would love any of this, even contact you again after the first

Ronnie: fuck no

Ronnie: youre living your best life and it makes me wanna hang myself

Joe: Christ, you’re up yourself, aren’t you

Ronnie: &

Joe: you want me to roll my sleeves up again and show you the recent damage?

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: [pics]

Ronnie: [obvs gotta send him some back]

Joe: [a straight up new one like just did it]

Ronnie: [ofc she has to also like this is a competition]

Joe: [hope you started small so you have somewhere to go ‘cos the vibe]

Ronnie: [knowing y’all you didn’t but it won’t stop you and I will be forever on edge]

Joe: [so grim, don’t pass out]

Ronnie: [or end up needing stitches]

Joe: [probably do them yourselves, ick]

Joe: do you fucking get it yet

Ronnie: why do you care

Joe: why do you think

Ronnie: i keep telling you i dont

Joe: braindead sounds ideal

Ronnie: horse girl not about to suffocate you

Joe: she would if I let her, like

Joe: 🍈🍈

Ronnie: wait til theres a chance ill choke on my vomit next time christ

Joe: so lay back and I’ll tell you some more

Ronnie: ok go

Joe: [go on about Sophie in a way I shall not even bother but let us assume it is crude and rude af]

Ronnie: [we’re not into poor Soph but they clearly are]

Joe: [just fuck and get it out the way lads, so rude to everyone else rn]

Ronnie: [honestly, but hopefully at this dinner party because Jamie jealousy will be off the charts]

Joe: [Charlie gon have to keep quiet ‘til you home lmao]

Joe: Any luck?

Ronnie: got no pasta shapes in my system have i

Ronnie: but why the fuck are you not lurking to save me

Joe: you want me to swallow the bile for you then, okay

Joe: the last one looked deep

Ronnie: deep enough if you wanna pussy out and spit instead

Joe: I don’t

Joe: where are you

Ronnie: dorothys

Joe: he in?

Joe: if I have to show him it’s brotherly concern you’ll only die quicker

Ronnie: nosey cunt wouldve stopped me

Joe: Yeah

Joe: I can say sorry if you want or I can just come patch you up and not lie first

Ronnie: i dont need your help

Joe: I know

Joe: purely wanna save you for my own complex and to be loving life even harder

Ronnie: wank off about the sos from the other day thats it i cant top you carrying me out til the bleeding stops

Joe: I’m coming over

Joe: you’ve got time to lock the door if you really don’t want me to come in

Joe: can get my own shattered glass without breaking his windows

Ronnie: he must like you to have given you his address

Ronnie: but not enough to overshare the door dont lock cos i broke it 💔

Joe: or am I better stalker than you give credit

Joe: thanks for the tip, baby

Ronnie: youd have been waiting for me to get here not the other way round

Joe: You do want me to read your mind

Joe: maybe a lobotomy will help

Ronnie: hot

Ronnie: reading your mind you want me to pass out before you fuck me but its not that deep

Joe: the wound or the vIbEzzZ

Ronnie: this your coming out cos you sound like charlie

Joe: just trying to turn you off, don’t want blood to gush out

Ronnie: liar youd be made up to see that

Joe: not hiding in the bushes yet

Joe: slow down

Ronnie: youre used to being the big brother i get it

Joe: Something like that

Ronnie: i know how to ride a bike without stabilisers or whatever the fuck

Joe: and tie your shoes

Joe: it’s alright, we’ve established I’m not a paedo

Joe: what can’t you do then

Ronnie: err what a nonce would say

Ronnie: read music we also fucking established

Joe: you teach me how to shoot myself up, I’ll teach you how to

Ronnie: not a fair swap i dont need to learn how

Joe: You don’t wanna be a babysitter either, so you’ve said

Ronnie: you dont like me any more or what

Joe: Of course I do

Joe: You got me my own dealer first

Ronnie: you asked me to 1st

Joe: How did I?

Ronnie: what else is ? for a plug without giving a fuck if ive rattled myself into a ditch

Joe: If I talked to you as much as I felt like

Joe: You’d tell me to fuck off more than you already do

Joe: I’ve got no clue where the line is, how much you want me to care

Ronnie: what line

Ronnie: i dont want you to care

Joe: Tough shit

Joe: I didn’t ask you to get me a dealer

Ronnie: you fucking did

Joe: I just didn’t wanna see you suck dick on my behalf, alright, that’s all

Joe: what you do for yourself is your business

Ronnie: calm down nothing i do is for you

Joe: 👌

Ronnie: dont call her then

Joe: you on commission?

Ronnie: 🖕

Joe: If I do, you’ll still have to see me

Ronnie: youll see me bleed out on the kitchen floor 1st

Joe: You’re a pro, I know you’re being overly-dramatic

Ronnie: at opening as many veins as itll take to not have to see you again yeah

Joe: to make me hurry*

Joe: I’m on the tube

Joe: you have to live in the middle of nowhere

Ronnie: no fixed address i told you

Joe: ❗️

Joe: if there’s a break-up or a thruple, you can have the extra room

Joe: makes sense now

Ronnie: it dont make sense you reckon we can afford any extras however far out

Joe: like you said, she’ll get homesick and chuck it in even if Marc won’t dump his girlfriend

Ronnie: if she does youll be homeless too like unless his missus is gonna cover the costs of the en suite for you

Joe: you can have my room, it’s the smallest

Joe: they can have the en-suite palace and I’ll take theirs, which is not next to the others 👌

Ronnie: not that youve thought loads about it

Joe: if you heard her disney playlist everyday, you’d think about it as well

Ronnie: id think about killing her or myself not a cosy little bed swap

Ronnie: shed never hack living with me nor would you

Joe: well that thought is never far from the front of my mind

Joe: if you need the bed, you know it’s yours

Ronnie: get it through your head i need fuck all from you

Joe: yeah, yeah

Ronnie: theres this way of living when youre not inside your ma in every possible sense course you aint heard about it

Joe: you need to prove you’re self-sufficient ‘cos no one’s ever given a shit about you but Charlie and the other one

Joe: I’m aware you’ve made it to your old age without me, you’re alright

Ronnie: i need to be it the only proofs im not dead yet baby

Ronnie: you need me to be old cos im not in a fucking coma & you cant get it up else

Joe: I’d rather be in the coma myself but you can be too

Joe: not calling dibs

Ronnie: oldest gets 1st dibs

Joe: *until the youngest cries about it so much you get told to give in to shut ‘em up

Ronnie: try me

Joe: you know you can’t hack my crying

Joe: does your head in SO much

Ronnie: save it for when you need lube or horse girl is gonna be coming after you with the leftover glue so you can never fucking leave her

Joe: come at you with the needle and sew us together, babe

Joe: unlucky

Ronnie: more than unlucky if i cant bust a stitch open to be the dead girl you want

Joe: you’re the dead girl I want already come on

Ronnie: til i teach you how to 💉 yourself

Joe: nah

Ronnie: 💘

Joe: looking well deformed these days, my one

Ronnie: could cut it out know youd be made up for the matching needlework

Joe: you play mad professor I’ll play corpse

Ronnie: long as i dont have to play nice

Joe: know what you take me for, actually, but no

Joe: obviously not

Ronnie: cant take you anywhere even if i did wanna

Joe: god imagine the dent in your street cred, sis

Ronnie: if i could cry i obviously would

Joe: repression or fucked tear ducts from all the 😭 you been doing

Ronnie: what im that baby faced youre taking me for a newborn now

Joe: nah, mr i don’t fuck kids here, remember

Joe: plus kids are always calling 999 by mistake and they’d get there before me

Joe: maybe, depends how many people have stabbed other people today

Ronnie: id have got the numbers up but ive been busy like

Joe: gotta make time for you, babes

Joe: it’s called self-care

Ronnie: ask me what with

Ronnie: shittest stalker ever you are

Joe: go on

Joe: school us

Ronnie: cant cry cos when i was linking you with a plug you dont want i was getting myself linked with your meds

Ronnie: best guess as a better stalker than you & less basic white girl than your crazy ex

Joe: 💡 fairplay

Joe: won’t tell you any other side-affects, see if you can guess ‘em right

Ronnie: i wasnt gonna take em but you want me to get you so bad

Joe: yeah misunderstood white boy is selling less these days

Joe: help a brother out

Ronnie: fuck all has happened so i probably cant

Joe: 💔 oh well

Joe: they’re nothing exciting, even though I managed to get the highest dosage they’ll do

Ronnie: maybe mines off for not giving you the benefit of the doubt when i could continue reckoning youre such a pussy

Joe: you’ll forget by tomorrow, no problem

Ronnie: neither brother is gonna let me if they walk in on me microdosing theyll reckon its a getting well party and get the deccies out

Joe: only so many times you can just kidding that ‘fore it gets old

Joe: we’ll go out, when I get there

Ronnie: where you kidnapping me to baby

Joe: I know enough to know it’s all wrong turns and blindfolds, not giving you a map

Ronnie: if its a&e no cunts finding your body even with a map

Joe: piss off

Ronnie: give us a clue

Joe: I’ll mark it with an X if you do me

Ronnie: if you ever fucking get here

Joe: if we were sewn together this wouldn’t be a problem

Ronnie: wanting to look like twins so nobodyll give a shit that you wanna fuck me would be something youd think about on the tube mckenna

Joe: they run in my old man’s DNA so have to look for those bastards instead

Joe: all I know about hers is addiction

Ronnie: course he does fuck alls your own idea

Ronnie: if hes got a sister even a meff nancy drew like youll be able to find bastards they had together

Joe: loads, Catholic, remember

Joe: twins kid is black though so process of elimination

Ronnie: cute how that runs in your family too like

Joe: guess so

Joe: not like it’s that crazy a concept

Ronnie: not like youve ever met an irish catholic who werent a saint yeah

Joe: it’s a fucked place to live

Joe: really third world in that respect

Ronnie: your real da is who you wanna look for if hes got no bastards going about its cos he cant knock anyone up

Joe: that your all men are pigs stance

Joe: alright courtney calm down

Joe: I’m out now anyway, don’t need a real mum or dad to come rescue us from the priests and that

Ronnie: nah its a fact unless his twin kept going up the backstreet or he was only sticking it in her other 2 holes

Joe: they didn’t really grow up together

Joe: he left when he was 15

Joe: maybe she was a late bloomer, happy days

Ronnie: 💔 your ma wasn’t then i wouldnt be here

Joe: no dig about how you’re dying now anyway ‘cos I’m taking so long?

Joe: you must be fading fast and not just being a dramatic bitch

Joe: good thing I’m in [wherever we ended up locating y’all] now

Ronnie: shut up i said its not that deep

Ronnie: youre the dramatic bitch legging it here for a fucking scratch

Joe: you wanted me to

Ronnie: you want to i dont give a shit

Joe: right, that’s what I meant

Ronnie: you can stop with the gay shit i told you hes not here

Joe: gays don’t own sarcasm

Ronnie: they own getting attached to cunts fast who dont care

Joe: awh, you being replaced rn?

Ronnie: horse girl wishes

Joe: Can’t catch a break or a man that one

Ronnie: after a pity fuck with you who knows what shed catch

Joe: you wanna infect her by-proxy, you’re so blatant

Ronnie: i shouldve got you to bring her my bloods everywhere

Joe: adding her puke to the mix would make it interesting, sure

Joe: bet she knows first aid

Ronnie: if youre too pussy to break my ribs yourself get back on the tube

Joe: threaten me with a good time

Ronnie: i just did

Joe: without meaning it, yeah

Ronnie: try and hurt me i mean it

Joe: [why do y’all always set the tension so high lads lmao, we know but]

Ronnie: [me and my boo here like calm down you can’t hook up yet but they are both like !!!!]

Joe: [shouldn’t have let you get on that train sir but you would so]

Ronnie: [I shouldn’t let her open her mouth ever but here we are]

Joe: [forreal lmao]

Ronnie: [gotta draw an x on him in her blood when he shows up before we can do a more permanent one however we are either as a scar or tattoo so soz for increasing the tension even more lol]

Joe: [just got to stare at her for ages and then shove her away very dramatically ‘cos you can’t, head through to whichever room she was bleeding in to assess/gawp at]

Ronnie: [she’s gotta lol like well if that’s the best you can do at trying to hurt me I’m not worried]

Joe: [‘whaddya use?’ and just going through this flat as if you’ve been here before/were invited by anyone but Ronnie vaguely because manners can’t matter when we’ve gone this far already]

Ronnie: ['what, you didn't

touch yourself enough on the tube?' but we are obvs showing him whatever we did use because it's just another way to flirt and we can use it to make that x happen so]

Joe: [shakes head ‘spill too much and they emergency stop’ and a look like do I look like I wanna be on a psychward but in a 😏 don’t answer that way, doing our own tallies with it, of course]

Ronnie: ['we're walking then' like where are you taking me don't get comfy bitch]

Joe: [little disbelieving lol like excuse me princess ‘your carriage was unavailable’

Ronnie: ['no shit the horse is dead busy']

Joe: [‘I ain’t taking you to a stable’]

Ronnie: ['that's where we ain't going, now tell me where the fuck we are' because we're like an excited kid about this]

Joe: [it’s cute and we clearly think so even if we’re distracting ourselves with this self-harm so we don’t go too far, unrelated but I haven’t thought where yous are going lmao but I’m vibing something London but something she wouldn’t have done, something music related, also if it has like, kid vibes, bonus, I’ll have to look so just keeping tight-lipped to be annoying and surveying the bloody carnage he’s now added to ‘you want to clean up?’]

Ronnie: [it'd be cute if there was something like thinktank but for music instead of science but idk if that exists anyways in answer to that question she's just gonna remove her top or whatever like yeah it do have blood on even though we know that's not what he means because we're still in a flirty mood despite how annoying his non reply is]

Joe: [that’s what I’m vibing but likewise have no idea, I’m sure there is shit though and you could find it Joseph, anyway, truly the this is fine meme about that ‘cos you can’t turn away 😳 but also boy don’t, moving like you’re gonna come close to her though]

Ronnie: [soz Charlie cos she shamelessly threw her top on the floor and isn't gonna clean up any of this blood even on herself like I literally should say she goes to the sink and then to get clean clothes but instead we all know she's just gonna take Joe's jacket or whatever and put that on, thank god he's all about the layers]

Joe: [god bless the grunge

aesthetic, ‘do you do it in front of him?’ and touching the cuts that are still showing ‘cos you know there’s some still, and it is like when and where do you do this when you do not have a room lmao]

Ronnie: ['yeah' leaving it up to him whether he wants to think it's in an attention whore way cos we're still annoyed at that call out lol but realistically it's just because of how long they've known each other and how they be living, she's not actively trying to upset Charlie that much most of the time]

Joe: [‘does he do it?’ ‘cos we can’t imagine it from the little we know but also can’t imagine him just chilling if he isn’t as fucked as them]

Ronnie: [the facial expression equivalent of his amused lol earlier because no]

Joe: [dropping it even though you find this odd like don’t worry boy, the tea is he is getting over it and wanting her to stop, pulling the jacket sleeve to take her out the door like come on]

Ronnie: ['he knows what'll happen if he tries to stop me' cos you can't tell me that when they were younger he didn't do exactly that and she went ballistic but more importantly HOW DARE YOU BOO because that is 1000% a Fraze move and I'm dead]

Joe: [yes I thought it was legit for a parallel, enjoy the long trip back to central guys]

Ronnie: [idk how we are gonna stop you hooking up to fill the time other than the other people in close proximity lol]

Joe: [maybe a uni/work obligation can come in and he has to go like legit ‘cos that’d kill this off]

Ronnie: [personally devastated that means an iou for this cute date but I love how fuming she would be at never finding out where they were going]

Ronnie: [not to mention the not at all casual and public domestic they’d have would be such a fat mood and show she cares when she’s literally like umm what the fuck do you mean you’re leaving]

Joe: [love how blatant we both are individually]

Ronnie: [hard same]

Joe: They sprung that rehearsal on us last minute

Joe: I already said, I’d give you the funds and you could go do whatever

Ronnie: and i told you to go fuck yourself

Ronnie: or your cello

Joe: I wouldn’t have wasted my time let alone yours if I knew that was gonna happen

Joe: how would you go about fucking a cello, exactly

Ronnie: waste more of your own time figuring it out its your raging hard on for it

Joe: I can’t not go

Joe: they make you sign a bloodoath when you get in basically

Joe: no excuses

Ronnie: youd have found an excuse fast enough if id stuck a needle in your arm

Joe: no, I wouldn’t, ‘cos it wasn’t an option

Joe: there was already enough damage to hide

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what options youve got

Joe: right, tell it to the crowd that amassed, they might believe you a tiny bit more than I do

Joe: I’ll make it up to you, okay

Ronnie: thats what soft cunts wanna hear when you cant hide no more & since you reckon you wont be getting forced into treatment you get to keep your gob shut for all that being sorry bullshit

Joe: make it into something it ain’t ‘cos you can’t hack hearing it

Ronnie: i dont wanna hear from you end of

Joe: alright

Joe: see you around then

Ronnie: 🖕

[klaus-is-the-real-number-1]

Goody Two Shoes (Number Five x reader)

ASK:Hello! I really enjoy your writing and I was wondering if you could do a Five x reader where the reader is easily embarrassed and Five knows that and constantly teases her but even after all that she is doubtful that he likes her? Thanks again!

Thank you so much to the actual angel who requested this ur forever in my heart n should 100% hmu when u see this, hope this is what you had in mind!!! stay fresh my dudes!! (also im british but were going to pretend that five and you are both 16 in high school. idk how the system works so i hope this is ok!)(ALSO ALL OF THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY ARE 16 AS WELL AND IN HIGH SCHOOL)

A/N: woow i did not expect it to be this long, do apologise for the angst but i hope it gets better lol, love you all have a nice day and yet again thanku to the angel who recommended this i think i went a bit off but hope its a bit like what you wanted!!

warnings: swearing, fives a bit dodgy but it gets better i swear, angst, fluff eventually, probably pretty long. 

words: 2246

The Hargreeves were an unusual bunch, they were all so different yet you could see that deep down they all cared for on another. Klaus was your best friend, even though you knew all the Hargreeves, you could always be found with Klaus. You and Klaus would often go shopping, have sleepovers and keep up to date with the recent gossip around school; as sad as it sounds Klaus was really your only friend and you hardly got to hang round with him at school, school was a whole other issue on it’s own. Even though you were the same age as Klaus, and the rest of the Hargreeves children, your high school pushed you up a few grades so you were sitting your final year, your intellectual ability was far above average, even being in your final year you were scoring 100% on all the exams. You had no one in your lessons that you knew, well no thats not quite right, you had Five.

Five. Five was a funny issue, just like you he had been pushed up to his final year and you were in constant competition with him, he was always nit picking at everything you do and knew exactly what buttons to press to get you angry and even upset. But for some reason, you liked him. You liked him a lot, no matter how angry or upset you got with him you just couldn’t help it, in a way he helped you achieve much more because for every snide comment he made to you, you’d just go and smash the next test that came up. 

You were currently sat with Klaus in his room, it was raining heavily outside, you were painting his nails for him as he rants about everything thats upset him this week. You were only half listening to him, concentrating on holding his hand still and humming every now and again.

“You know who else has been annoying me this week? Five.” He states waving his free hand around. “He wont stop asking me when you’re next going to be round, he keeps saying things like ‘Klaus, when is y/n coming round?’ and I’ve been hearing this all week, if I didn’t know any better I think he’d be trying to steal you from me.”

“I seriously doubt that.” you say with a slight chuckle, you couldn’t even imagine Five wanting you to be around, Klaus was probably just saying this to make you feel better about your small crush on him. Klaus knew all about your crush on his brother, to say he disapproved would be an understatement. He just didn’t get it.

“Honestly y/n, I don’t get what you see in him, he teases you all the time, and too be fair he’s so fucking annoying.” You look up and laugh, he gave you a weak smile looking down at his nails that were almost done, appreciating the black glitter polish you brought with you. He was about to speak again until a voice spoke up from the door.

“I thought I could feel myself losing brain cells, but of course it’s just because you two are in here together.” It was Five, he was leaning against the door frame, a smirk evident on his face. “Y/n, you haven’t been answering any questions in class recently, I hope it wasn’t because you stuttered that one time, or maybe it was more than once. To be honest, I can’t quite remember but it was still funny either way.”

That had hit a nerve, you were always so nervous to answer questions in class even though you knew it was the right answer, it was just something that happens. Feeling your face get red from his words, he continued.

“Oh I tell you what was funny,” He stepped closer into Klaus’ room, an evil glint in his eyes. “that one time that senior asked if you had a spare pen and when you went to give him one you spilt your water on him, ha!” Klaus knew all about that story, the senior is question was fairly attractive and you really didn’t mean to, you couldn’t apologise enough to them no matter how many times they said it was fine. Your eyes begin to burn, you hated how easily embarrassed you could get, you just couldn’t help it. 

“Just fuck off Five, stop being awful to her just because you fancy y/n!” Klaus said almost impulsively, covering his mouth. Now Five was the one with a red face, but not out of embarrassment, out of anger. You could see him getting angry with Klaus. Klaus would never fail to mention how Five said things he’d regret when he was angry.

“I’d rather chew my own foot.” You felt your chest getting tight, his words hurt and now you could really feel your eyes stinging.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise I was that repulsive.” You say with a quite voice, you didn’t understand how one persons words could hurt so much. You got told often by others how pretty and beautiful you are, but non of them compliments mattered to you because they weren’t from the person you wanted them from. “I’m going home.” You quickly grab your bag from the floor and push past Five, you glance at him through tears, his face looked almost regretful, but it couldn’t be. 

“Y/N wait!” You heard klaus shout but you were already half way down the stairs. “Five, what the fuck!” You heard steps chasing after you. It was pouring outside, and it was at least a 30 minuet walk back to your house, but you didn’t care.

“Y/n, you can’t walk home in this.” Klaus almost begged with you.

“Please just let me go, Klaus.” You step out the front door not giving him a chance to respond. 

The rain was soothing on your hot face, you couldn’t hear the rain fall on the ground though, the thumping in your ears drowned everything out, you couldn’t believe Five, he’d never gone that far before. 

‘shit.’ Five mumbled to himself once he heard the front door slam, he didn’t mean to say that, he was so angry at Klaus for telling Y/N his secret, he didn’t know what to do. He knew he was always a bit too harsh on y/n, he just didn’t know how to handle his feelings for them. He’d never met anyone who could challenge him and win, y/n was the only person who beat him on any tests you had in school, the only person who could distract him enough to completely forget the world around him.

“Five!” he could hear Klaus getting closer to him. “What the fuck? why do you have to be such a dick all the time! You always ask when Y/N is coming over then you go and upset her, every time, you say you fancy her and go do shit like that every damn time, you won’t have any chance with her if you keep going.” Klaus was angry, really angry. “And you know what Five? I hope you don’t get with her, she’s my best friend and she deserves better.”

Five knew what he meant, he could see that. She did deserve better than him. Five just looked down, clenched his fists and disappeared. A flash of blue and he was gone. Klaus almost wanted to scream, y/n was the best person he’s ever met, it’s almost as if he can’t have anything to himself in this house. Klaus slammed his door, hard, he was done with Five, always asking how to win y/n over and then completely ignores any advice he gives and he gives good  advice. He told him everything from her favourite music to her favourite plants and trinkets. 

It was now Monday, you and Klaus had been face-timing almost all weekend as you always do, he hadn’t mentioned anything about Five and you were grateful. You were waiting for Klaus just outside the Academy, it was a sunny day so you knew during all the breaks you and Klaus would probably be outside basking in the sun. You heard the door open and you look up expectantly.

“Hey y/n.” It was Five, he was in a crisp suit as he was always. His eyes burnt into yours.

“Oh, is Klaus almost ready?” You ask, keeping eye contact with him, not letting him intimidate you.

He goes to speak but gets interrupted by Klaus, you smile at him wearing a leather skirt and a crop top and dark eyeliner. He graciously links arms with you and pulls you off, you spare a look at Five behind you and you see him with clenched fists walk back into their mansion of a home. You and Klaus talk about his new fascination on one of the senior boys in a few of your classes, Dave, you and Dave occasionally talk in classes and Klaus practically begs you to get his number for him. You would try and do it for Klaus but you didn’t know if Dave liked boys or not but despite the facts, Klaus still begged you to get his number.

Once you get to school, you and Klaus head to your locker, the entire time he wouldn’t stop talking about Dave, you notice a small piece of paper thats slightly crumpled. In small, seemingly rushed writing, was ‘y/n x’.

“Recognise this writing?” You ask Klaus. He looks at you cheekily, without a second thought he snatched it from you.

“Hmm, I wonder what it says?” He says sarcastically as he opens it to read it aloud, reaching well above you so you couldn’t reach it. “y/n, sit with me in physics? -A x” He paused. “Who’s A? Wait, isn’t it that senior you spilt water over? Wait y/n!” He excitably garbs your arm, hitting it many times. “He sits next to Dave! y/n you’ve got to sit next to him, not just for you, but for me.” 

You grabbed the note and shove it into your pocket, you just sigh and agree, if you weren’t going to do it for yourself, you’d do it for Klaus and his weird obsession with Dave. 

You say your goodbyes as you make your way to physics, you felt nervous, you usually don’t sit with anyone and just get your head down to get your work done. As you walk into the lesson you see him sat in his seat, you smile and go to sit next to him.

“Nice to see you got my note.” He beams, he was cute, but not Five cute. You couldn’t wrap your head around how he acted this morning when Klaus practically dragged you away from him. He looked almost sad when you didn’t respond. Speaking of the devil, Five walked into the class, calculating eyes scanning the room until they land on you, his eyes then move to the boy next to you causing his eyebrows to furrow. You’ve never moved seats since you started the class. You turned to the boy next to you and started a conversation about the assignment thats due in soon, you hear a chair behind you scrape. The chair where you’d usually sit, a quick glance confirmed that it was Five, you did what any reasonable person would do and completely ignore him, all lesson. You feel his eyes in the back of your head all lesson, only to get worse when the boy next to you leant over and whispered a joke into your ear too make you laugh, and it did. 

Five couldn’t believe it, y/n shamelessly flirting right in front of him. He filled with anger every time he’d look at her, when they’d touch legs, give each other little looks but the worst moment was watching him lean over and whisper something into y/n’s ear and she laughed. Y/n laugh was almost like heaven, soft and quiet, Five desperately wanted to be the one making y/n laugh. 

You had two periods free, you began your walk to the schools library, as you do every Monday, you’d pick a book that you haven’t read and begin to make an attempt at it and even though you hated to admit it, it was your favourite part about Mondays. But suddenly, you were pulled to the side and in a flash of blue you were gone, and just like that you were stood in a room in front of the very person who said he’d ‘rather chew his own foot’ than be with you, the person who has continuously tried to put you down since you first met him, your crush, Five. 

“What. The. Fuck. Five!” You say angrily at him, you repeat the phrase, pushing him away from you when you said it. All he did was look at the floor. “You can’t just teleport me whenever you want, honestly, if you’ve genuinely just brought me here to have a go please just leave me be honestly. What the fuck.” You emphasise the last words.

“Let me explain, please?” You just crossed your arms at him, waiting for whatever response he could give you. He just sighed before continuing “I’ve been an asshole to you, I know I have, it’s just,” He paused, looking at you, “You might not believe me when I say this, but I like you, y/n” You saw the vulnerability in his eyes. “And I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but please let me make it up to you, everything that I’ve done. I promise I’ll do anything.” You looked at him, and you saw the real him, all his cards out on the table. You let your arms drop and look down.

“Promise?” you say sticking your pinky finger out, childish, but he knew that you took them very seriously.

“Promise.” Five said as he interlocked your pinky fingers. You smile, hoping he does keep his promise.

Six months later, Five had kept his promise. You were sat on his bed finishing off work before your finals, soft music was playing in the background. You quietly hummed to the tune of the song, Five was laying his head on your shoulder, lazily watching you neatly write out equations.

“Wheres Klaus?” He asks as you set your notes to one side.

“He’s on a date with Dave.” You lean into Fives arms, he just hummed in response.

He pulled you down onto the bed and wrapped his arms around you, you listen to his heartbeat, the soothing beat sounding like music to your ears. You feel him press a kiss to your forehead, you were glad he kept his promise and made up for everything that he’s done. Five slowly gained your trust by just sitting with you in lessons to start with, then to dates at Griddys, picknicks, meals out and eventually you saying yes to being his girlfriend. It took Klaus a while to accept your new relationship but he eventually came around to it, especially since you got him Dave’s number. You were happy with Five, you close your eyes and get even closer too him, just as you fall asleep you hear him whisper.

“y/n I think I’m in love with you”

[aquaticalay]

For Something Greater .Chapter Twenty Two.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: (Y/n) is an active duty Navy SEAL Commander, the first and only woman to ever be a SEAL. When two American spies are captured during a reconnaissance mission at a Hydra base in Transia, (Y/n) and her team are forced to team up with The Winter Soldier to rescue the captives. Being wary of the avenger, she agrees to do one mission with Barnes, and one mission only. But after an unexpected turn of events, her team and Barnes must work together to finish what they started, while (Y/n) and Bucky try to sort out their complicated feelings. (Start: set six months after Endgame. Now: nine months after endgame.)

Words: 2000+

Warning/s for this chapter: Endgame spoilers, cursing, violence

Warning/s for the series: Endgame spoilers, cursing, war violence, eventual smut

Note: I'M POSTING CHAPTER 23 TOMORROW INSTEAD OF THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW. (I'm going to Brussels and Prague tomorrow for the next two weeks, and I have finished writing this series, so I'm going to post this series everyday starting from this chapter until 25, which is the last chapter :)

TAGLIST IS CLOSED

FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS THE LINK TO ALL PARTS OF 'FOR SOMETHING GREATER' PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO MESSEGE ME

Enjoy!

You can hear your heart thump as ran up the distant staircase, desperate not to get caught.

Your pistol gripped tightly in your hand, you rise up the stairs. As you were going up the last staircase, you heard the door open from upstairs.

As a Hydra agent descended the zig zaging staircase. You assesed the situation calmly. In times like these you remembered your training. Clear your head.

You decided to point your gun at his legs and shoot. He shouted in pain, and you ran up the stairs before he could make any more noise and sliced his neck with your dagger, a quick kill.

No one heard you, since the storm was still raging outside.

You didn't bother discarding the body.

You pushed the door open, greeted by the thundering rain. The fog was getting thicker and thicker by the moment. You can barely see anything. It was in the middle of the night. The only apurce of lights were lamps on the outside of the ship.

You tried to focus.

You had to get to the bomb. No, you had to go to Bucky.

Fuck.

Your mind darted here and there. You wanted to get to Bucky, but the bomb was supposed to be the mission's priority. You can't choose.

It was like those figurative questions people ask you in school just to annoy you. 'Save twenty strangers or your mom?'

You always refused to answer those kinds of questions. The chances of that happening were slim to none. But here you were.

This time, it was real. Save millions of people you don't know or the man you love?

Having to bear the thought of it was simply cruel. So you just ran to the direction of both the bridge and the launchers. Running through the deck, you recognized Miller's voice shout, "(Y/n), look out!"

You realized, Miller was up there in in the communication antenna. He must've seen something you don't.

Suddenly, you could hear a loud gun being fired, and Miller shouted in pain.

"Diego!" You shouted Miller's first name out of reflex, looking up.

From in front of you, a shadow approached. You pointed your gun at the shadow, but before you can pull the trigger, the figure shot first, a bullet loudly exiting the chamber.

You jerked to the side in attempt to get out of the line of fire, but the bullet grazed your right arm, leaving a scorching red mark across your skin. The hurt made you fall to the ground in response.

But you were wearing a kevlar suit. Kevlar was supposed to be bulletproof.

It was becoming clear that the gun was not a normal gun.

The pouring rain made your wound worse. The heavy waterdrops hit your wound, sending searing pain through your body. You scrambled to cover it with your left hand, but the figure came closer and kicked you in the gut, your back hitting the floor. Your grasp on your gun faltered and it slid across the floor.

You saw his face. Raphael King-Carver.

He still wore a suit, this time, it was purple. He didn't seem to care that the clothing was drenched in the rain.

He knew about you, expecting you. Zara must've told him.

"Look at what you've done," he said it sarcastically. His face was sweet, but his gaze was terrifying. His grey eyes matched the fog and the clouds of the storm. He stepped on your throat, and you could barely breathe. The rain was coming in your eyes, and some of the water even in your lungs.

You grasped for air, but there wasn't any. "When you stepped into this ship, you've commited suicide and guaranteed death to all of your friends." He said it like a promise. Like an oath, and that terrified you.

He let you breathe as his foot stepped away from your neck only to kick your side. You tried to get up and reached for the rifle that was strapped to your back, but he kicked you where the bullet hit and you screamed in pain.

"Not so tough, are you, commander?" He hissed the words as an insult. He kicked your gut again, and instead of coughing blood, the red bodily fluid seeped out of your mouth slowly like drool.

You prepare yourself for another hit, but he did not kick you again. Instead, he spat, "get up."

You got to your knees weakly, blood leaking out of the grazed bullet wound. You reached for your rifle but before you could. A hand from behind pulled your hair harshly until your neck felt vaguely attached from your body.

You realized the hand pulling your hair was Zara.

"Fuck... you..." you managed to say tiredly between breaths.

Zara brought out the same gun Raphael had, but instead of shooting you, she placed the weapon right next to your ear and shot the floor.

The gun fire sound was deafening and had a devastating effect to your ear.

The gun was louder that a normal pistol, and it gave out a loud burst of sound. You could feel your ear drum rattling, in the brink of exploding.

You tried to shake your head off the grip Zara had on your hair, but your senses were too disorganized. There was too much to handle. The grazed and bleeding bullet wound. The thunder and rain. The blood in your gut from where Raphael kicked you. And now, the sound of the gun you are being forced to hear.

You shout in pain and your ears rang. Zara shot two more before she forcefully tilted your head to the other side and shoot three more times at your other ear.

You tried to stay calm and logical, but the loud ringing pain hurt you.

Right now, you couldn't hear anything but constant painful ringing, but you knew you were a supersoldier. The effects wont be permanent but that doesn't make the hurt you feel now any less real.

The ringing might start to go away in half an hour, and there was no telling how long it will last. You only had a little more than an hour to stop the bomb before it was going to launch.

You could hear muttering from Zara and Raphael, but couldn't make out the words, high pitched ringing still in your ear.

Before you knew it, Zara pushed you forward and your head hit the ground. The impact would be enough to give a normal person a deadly concussion, but it gave you blurry double vision. You couldn't see anything clearly. You felt a trickled of blood on your forehead.

A hand harshly ripped your rifle off of you, and grabbed your collar, dragging you to across the deck. You were drenched in sweat and rain as you struggled, trying to get out of Raphael King-Carver's grip.

You twisted yourself and clawed at his hand, but you were simply hurt. Even you super soldier strength failed you.

How pathetic, you thought to yourself, trying to find strength but failing.

Your vision was still blurry and your hearing still ringing like a milliom little bells. All you can see is lights, but you couldn't make out the shapes.

You saw the light brightened and the rain stopped.

You came to a conclusion that you were dragged into a room, but your senses were still so dull, you didn't know what was around you.

The room Raphael dragged you in was the bridge, where they had already tied up and kept an exhausted Bucky.

He had put up one hell of a fight, but as soon as Raphael tased him with a dangerously high voltage that would instantly kill the average human, the fight was over, and Bucky was drained of his strength. Every muscle in his body reacted to the shock and tensed. His metal arm, a natural conductor of electricity, reacted even worse. Now his hands, both metal and flesh were tied in a vibranium handcuff, around a vibranium pole. Most of the things in the room was made of vibranium, but not Wakandan. Antarctican. Raphael had found a way to stabilize it enough to make mundane objects with it.

When he heard the door open and saw Raphael drag someone in, he forced himself to look up. Then he saw you.

With whatever energy pumping left in his veins, he shouted your name and struggled from his restraints, but he could not escape.

He saw you, but then he realized something was wrong. Your eyes were open, but dazed and confused. As if you were trying to figure out where you were. He shouted, but you didn't respond. It even looked like you didn't even hear him. And the sounds you make.

Oh, the sounds you make were wincing in pain and guttural shouts, a sound worse than every nightmare or torture he has ever been through.

You writhed and cowered, trying to get out of Raphael's grip.

(Y/n). His (Y/n).

You were hurt and he could do nothing but watch and shout for you.

"What have you done to her?!" Bucky demanded breathlessly.

"Be grateful," Raphael said in a sing song voice, "I haven't killed her."

He tried to pull his handcuffs one more time, but it did not come off.

Then Bucky heard you form slightly audible words.

"Make it stop," you cried, "Please, make it stop!" Your hands went from clawing Raphael's grip to covering your ears as the ringing became louder. The ringing and blurry vision were becoming an unbearable constant.

"No!" He shouted demandingly, "Hands off her!"

You could hear someone shouting, but you can't make out the words, still. Whoever was shouting made the ringing worse.

But Bucky did not realize that, and continued to scream.

Raphael ignored him tied you up with the same vibranium handcuff, then dragged you to the pole right next to Bucky and tied you up the way he did to him.

When you felt someone beside you, you tried to scramble away, but you couldn't because of the metal circling your wrists. You could only see a shadow, and you don't know who it was. You were terrified. For all you know, it could be a Hydra agent.

"Get away the fuck from me!" You hissed at the shadow.

Bucky tried to gently nudge you with his shoulders, then tried to lull you.

"Doll, it's me," he said gently "It's okay."

But you didn't know that.

"Leave me alone!" You shouted when you felt the shadow touch you.

You curled into a ball, constantly telling the shadow to leave you alone and begging for the ringing to stop.

Bucky felt the tears stinging in his eyes as he turned to Raphael, "What have you done to her?!"

Raphael smiled at him like he was a waiter taking a complaint from a customer at a restaurant. "I don't think she can hear or see you clearly."

Raphael turned to walk out the door. Bucky cursed at him and shouted for him to go to hell as loud as he could, but the noise sent the high pitch ringing in your ears even louder.

You screamed, and Bucky still tried to tell you that was him, but you spat at him, telling him to go away. Bucky choked at his own tears when the door opened again.

It broke his heart to seen you like this.

And he could do absolutely nothing to help, to ease you out of your pain, like you did when he had a nightmare.

Minutes after King walked out, someone else walked in.

Miller was dragged in by Zara. He was weak, losing blood. His leg was bleeding, maybe shot, and his pants were soaking red.

She tied him to a pole opposite to Bucky and you.

Bucky called him, and he tilted his head up weakly in acknowledgement. He tried to say something, but the words came out jumbled and incoherent.

Bucky spat at Zara's shoes, but she didn't even bother to look back as she walked out of the room.

"Find the others," Zara barked an order from the outside. Bucky could hear her only faintly.

"Barnes?" said Miller in a desperate whisper before his eyes rolled back and he was unconscious.

Not awake, but he could see the rise and fall of his chest. He was breathing, alive. But if the wound goes untreated, he would not be for long.

He turned to your curled up form and tried to whisper your name as gently as possible, coming a little closer to you in one last attempt, but all you could see was a dark figure, and you cursed at him, telling him to fuck off.

It hurt Bucky more than anything to see you like this.

What is he going to do now?

-

@greatwerewolfdragon @ciochesono @keepyourdreamsalive @valentynecalum @bandito-s @sebbabey @ka-x-in @marvel-is-my-life-blog @ljthewinterllama @thefirst-galaxy @meraki-loki @wolfiea03 @izzyisavengersupernaturaltrash @teageowen @illi-vanilli @nicholasbich @heyitsarial @infinityexe @natashasnight @talk-geek-to-me @divinediego @rebbie444 @teenageguitarist @superlockedtimelord @marv-ells @malum-af-cth @outofstyles13 @igotkatiepowers @hennessy0274-blog @blue-cat-1989 @whothehellisspideypool @mylifeissucky123 @yyutalktoomuch @38leticia @staplerrrr @kam731055 @goldtsunami @mizzezm @keepcalmandsosayweall @geekysimmerthings @darlingtholland @laurxn-robinson @hotheadbarnes @swoonhui @joe-mazzello-is-my-dad @warmvanillafeels @andy497 @asgardians-of-wakanda

[ohlukcs]

( alex wolff, male ) did you hear how LUKAS TOZER is applying to columbia university as a FILM & MEDIA STUDIES major ?! the 19 year old is living in the WALLACH HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + PASSIONATE and +THOUGHTFUL, but honestly i think HE can be -ASSUMING and -CYNICAL. they’re a real MAVERICK. oh well, only time will tell if the SOPHOMORE will make it til the end.

about the mun !!

hi hello my name is sam (she/her), im 22, and im a big fat mess at all times :) um but a lil more about me is that i’m australian and a recently graduated film student lmao. i’ve been rping for like ten years now i think idk but i am a NERVOUS BITCH !!!!!!! and it sometimes takes me forever to reply to things (ic and ooc) bc of that so pls be patient with me lmao. anyway, happy 2 be here !! if u like this post i’m gonna assume u wanna plot with me and my idiot and hit u up !!! lets mcfreakin lose it !!!!

about lukas !!

full name: lukas joshua tozer

nickname(s): luk-ass idk whatever u can come up with lmao

age: nineteen

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

hometown: jackson, new jersey

date of birth: nov 4th

occupation: student ( film and media studies, sophomore ), cook/server at a nearby 24hr pizza joint

relationship status: single

drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

faceclaim: alex wolff

positive traits: passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, untethered, humorous

negative traits: assuming, cynical, insensitive, rebellious, resentful, irresponsible

if he was in a hogwarts house: slytherin

now some more dot points that are just me talking about lukas !!

was born in fort lauderdale florida but there is a vERY low chance he will ever admit that, he’ll just say he’s from new jersey. as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been from new jersey even if his family did move there after he turned twelve

speaking of things lukas probably wont ever tell u but i’m including them anyway: his family is kind of messy. not majorly but like a little bit more than average. he had two brothers, now he only has one. i’m not gonna include a whole lot of nitty gritty here i’ll save it for when i write the real bio and can actually do it justice but its the reason they moved from florida and it has had a pretty major effect on lukas over time obviously

he’s the baby of the family and he’s pretty much always been treated like one. it has left him pretty immature and irresponsible. still learning that his actions have consequences and that he cant just be a total dick all the time. he’s improved in those areas a fair bit since he started at columbia a year ago but he still has a long way to go

he didn’t ever really expect to go to columbia, he’s from a middle class family and his dad didn’t even go to college. he applied for columbia just as a might as well give it a go thing. like maybe it will happen. they had a film course and although the course itself isn’t really great, the connections to the industry available at columbia were valuable enough for him to try. he was wait listed up until basically the last minute, preparing to go to a college in boston instead but when he was accepted he knew he had to go. for himself, for his family, and for his lost brother.

obviously irresponsible attitude has led to some Bad Decision Making including but not limited to partying and drugs. he doesn’t prioritise that lifestyle over his school work (bc he knows how lucky he is to be at columbia at all) but he is a big believer that you need to experience things to be a great artist and he plans on being the greatest artist so bad decision town here we come !!!!

he has a pet goldfish named michael bublé pls dont nark

for more info on him click here to check his about page, no bio there yet but hopefully soon

wanted connections babey !!

course friends/rivals/anything: i am writing these before acceptances happen so i have no good god damn idea if any other characters are film majors but hit me the hell up if they are bc i would love to plot some stuff out

old roommate(s) : lukas was probably an entertaining roommate but probably verged on annoying pretty easily. he’s messy, gross, probably didn’t respect the do ur fucking dishes rule in first year ( probs still doesnt tbh ). but he also has a password to every streaming account plus a phat hard drive full of movies and shows that he is absolutely willing to share with u so just depends what ur into i guess. maybe this connection led to friendship or maybe they hate each other now. im down for either/both 

dealer: hi welcome back to bad decision town. lukas isn’t into any hard stuff but is a big weed smoker (to my understanding medicinal cannabis is allowed but lukas def doesn’t have a prescription), then after that it’s kind of just experimenting. will chat more details if u wanna take this connection

booze leachers: so yes lukas is 19 but he has four, thats right, four fake ids. he is not willing to give u his contact for fake ids but he is willing to buy u booze if u pay him. dont hate the player hate the game

gang gang: pretty much just a close group of friends. i imagine all pretty relaxed, all pretty chill. idk what to say here except i want people to care about him and let him put on dumb movies and watch them with him and probably have dumb matching stick and poke tattoos and hog a communal tv to play mario kart but lets talk about it

fast food workers deserve respect too: as mentioned, lukas works at a 24hr pizza joint near campus which means he’s seen some shit. one of the things he’s seen multiple times is drunk student trashing the place. whether it be vomit, forgetting how to hold a cup, or bet try at a food fight lukas has seen it and he’s cleaned it up too. this connection could be that maybe he helped someone out and cleaned them up and got them back to campus when their friends ditched and now they look out for lukas too and its a positive connection. or maybe lukas hates their guts and spits on their food whenever they show up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who’s to say

hot girl bummer by blackbear: now listen here’s an angsty connection i want, and i def want to plot it out way more with whoever takes it on but basic outline of what i have in mind: they’ve kind of sort of been dating for a while but they’re just falling out of whatever they had to begin with. they were never official, they probs def fucked around with other people while they were ““““together”””””, lots of oh sorry ur taking it so seriously i thought we were just chilling bullshit. all of this girls friends probs hate lukas and he definitely hates them back. were probably once really good friends and had a really good time together but they’ve lost it. will they find it again or will it fizzle out? lets find out together xoxo

new girl(s) : i hate the connection title too but i couldnt think of anything better. we’re in bad decision town and now we’re going to thot street babey. since things have been falling apart with hot girl bummer and even before that lukas a little bit of a thottie. this doesnt mean he’s good at it, please also feel free for a part of this to be that they rejected lukas and he got butt hurt about it idk lukas being attracted to them is basically this whole idea and i would wanna plot the rest of it more depending on specific characters wooo

lukas is a bad influence: if u have gotten this far u may have noticed that lukas is not a very good influence at all. this is someone probs his age or younger that wants to loosen up and have a good time and lukas completely encourages that. bonus points if this connection is a combo with the above connection bc lukas is a gross boi and would be like wow listening to my bad ideas thats so sexy and cool of u ya know. but also doesnt have to be that ! could just be lukas thinks its funny and thinks that someone listening to him is just like good content that could get him on barstool

lukas is badly influenced: this is basic as hell but someone that tells him to leave his impluse control at the door and encourages him to be trash. probs older than him and i def see this as more of a masc connection than a fem but like all my plot ideas: lets talk about it. this one probs v much depends on ur character so gonna leave this one nice and short

lukas is good-ly (??????) influenced: also basic as hell and p much just the opposite of above. someone who is a good influence on lukas. encourages creativity and ambition instead of straight up recklessness. again, i see it as an older character but no gender seen here. a lot of this would be based around ur character so lets chat

michael bublé’s co parents: lukas has a goldfish named michael bublé (or just michael), i picture him having got it while high as heck during the day and just being like This Is A Good Idea. maybe ur character was with him and they were co parents from the start or maybbe they came into the picture later ??? i’m honestly down for whichever just give michael the love he deserves pls

and probably just about anything else these are just some ideas, i totally wanna plot further and brainstorm so please still hmu if none of these fit ur character we’ll plot something up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[missjackil]

what would make you not sure you will like Walker??? I cant wait to see cowboy Jared!😜💦💦💦

I love Jared and I’m very excited for him, but that doesnt mean Ill like the show by default. I’m picky about what I enjoy watching and Waker has the potential to be something Ill thoroughly enjoy, or annoy the hell out of me LOL

Im not a fan of bearded Jared. Theres a good chance he will be bearded because OG Walker was, and hiding all his gorgeous facial features, to me just makes him look like your average 45 yr old hipster.

In the show summary, it tells us he has conflicts with “his conservative family” What exactly hat means, I have no idea, but if the show has a political agenda, count me out. Politics is not even remotely entertaining to me, especially if one side is trying to make the other side look like assholes, cuz hate to tell ya folks, there are assholes on ALL sides. 

Walker is a widow, with children, and has a female partner... hmmm wonder if they’ll be a ship?? Of course they will, unless she’s a lesbian, which is possible but if we have learned anything about TV, if a man and a woman are friends, they will hook up, unless theres a big age difference or one or both are into the same sex. Even SPN, the show that isnt about romance, couldnt leave Sam and Eileen’s friendship alone and had to have the passionate “I wish you would stay” kiss. 🤢🤢🤢🤮 

Anyway, it most likely wouldnt happen in the first season because they have to build up the tension first, but throw in an “almost kiss” at the end of the season or something. So why would it be bad if Walker has a girlfriend? Jared is married and I know actors have to do such things, but it creeps me out to see people make out who are married IRL. “But Jared is a professional!” Yes he is, BUT he has done a total of 2 on screen kisses since he hooked up with Gen. Im betting there is a reason for that beyond “SPN isnt about romance” because he had several before he got married.

Honestly, I hope Im wrong and I have something I enjoy in my life again, but I wont get my hopes too high. I am very happy for Jared tho and Im sure I will at least check Tumblr for Walker gifs... for science of course⚗🧪🧬🔬

[daikaashisthighs]

Confession// Tsukishima Kei

He tried to keep his cool careless demeanor but you can tell he’s flustered. He just looks down at you (because he’s a fucking giant and is probably 1ft taller than you) suprised by your sudden cofession. This boy will literally just stand there for a minute to process what the fuck just happened. As soon as the gears start turning in his head, you can see a small smirk appear on his lips. “Hmmm, is that so?” s/c shyly nodded, ready to run away. As she was about to walk away, he grabbed her hand and told her to wait for her after practice. Poor s/o doesnt know what that means and she freaks out internally.

She waited for a few hours for Tsukki to finish practice. Tsukki invited her to wait inside the gym but she refused knowing her heart wont stop beating out of her chest. She settled outside the gym and literallt stared into the ground thinking of all possible ways Tsukki would turn her down or maybe embarrass her in front of his team. She didnt expect Tsukki to return any sort of feelings because he’s never really shown any interest in her but she couldnt keep it in anymore. She didn’t want to lose their friendship although she felt like it was a one way friendship. Tsukki just usually listens to her ramble on about ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING but from time to time he’d tease her or make a stupid remark. His company is something you treasure and enjoy. 

During those 3-3 1/2 hours, he’d constantly check on you and makes sure you were doing fine. When he realized practice will be running late, he told you to go on ahead and go home. You insited on stay and waiting for him. Of course Tsukkie being a stubborn dino that he is wouldnt let you. He was afraid your parents would get worried or you could possibly get introuble. You explained that your living by yourself and your parents live abroad and he reluctantly agreed. He once again asked you to wait for him inside the gym bc it was getting chilly. You declined and he gave you his jacket to keep warm. BUTTERFLIES ARE FLYING AROUND IN YOUR STOMACH. You told yourself to calm down bc you didnt want to get your hopes up. I mean why would Tsukishima Kei fall for a girl like you. Nothing stands out about you, you dont have anything to offer him and your looks is just average. You shooks those thoughts out of your head and tried to focus on something else. You took out your phone and watched netlix. You couldnt help but smell his jacket and fall totally in love with his scent. You hugged yourself, feeling like Tsukki is actually hugging you. You couldnt help but hope to have the chance to be in his arm. Your eyes started drooping and you leaned agaisnt the cold wall, falling asleep. 

You woke up feeling someone poke your cheeks. You were quite annoyed and was about to give that person a piece of your mind but when open your eyes and met his, you instantly melted. You felt embarrased having fallen  asleep outside, practically hugging his jacket. Little did you know, he found it adorable. A small smile even crept into his lips when he saw you. Before you could say anything, he offered you a hand which you accepted and started walking towards your house. 

The first few minutes, no words were said and you were walking ahead of him to try and avoid his rejection. Neither of you knew what to say or how to start the conversation. You felt as if,  you waited for him for hours just so he could walk you home. You were disappointed and kind of upset. Although you didnt want to be rejected, its better than not knowing. The walk felt painfully slow and awkward. It’s rare for the both of you to feel this awkward silence. You were approaching your house and he still hasnt said a word. You took that as a sign of rejection or a way for tsukki to say his goodbye. You expected him to never talk to you again. You felt like a fool having confessed your feelings for him and ruin your friendship with him.

You reached your front door, you turned to see if tsukki’s still with you. You thought he left bc he was walking behind you and hasnt said a word. Turns out, he’s still there. Once your eyes met, all you could do was apologize. “I’m sorry. It’s okay if you dont want me to be in your life anymore” shit, tears started falling down your face but you contiuned pouring your heart out. “I couldnt help it. I’m sorry I fell for you. I really wish I hadnt so everything could get back to normal.” you looked at him hoping to get a response but nothing. His face is still unamused. “You know what tsukishima, I’m not sorry. This is all your fault. Its your cute faces fault. You made me fall in love with your stupid little quirks. Your annoying gestures and ugh don’t get me started with your voice. How did you now expect me to fall in love when your laugh sound like music to my ears. And those eyes UGH. They make me weak to my knees. Your addiction to dinosaurs, it makes me think of having kids with you and dressing them up in dino costumes just to see you smile. Everything about you, I love and I know I sound crazy right now but I wanted you know this before you go.” somehow tears started pouring down your face. Your hands clutched into a fist and Tsukki noticed your knuckle turning white. He grabbed your hand and looked at you. “I’m sorry Tsukki, I just wanted you to know how loved you are. No one reminds you enough how much of a gem you are. Whoever will own your heart is the luckiest girl in the world” You snatched your hand away from his and walked inside your house, shutting your door, leaving Tsukki outside. 

It took Tsukki a minute to process your outburst. His tongue felt numb. He couldnt say a word. He wanted to tell you he felt the same way but his tongue wouldnt let him and on top of that you didnt give him time to respond. His head was spinning, he didnt know how to react to someone loving all of him, including his flaws. He couldnt understand how it was possible for a girl likeyou to fall for him. He felt as if he was dreaming or this was some cruel prank. He couldnt believe how you felt about him. Shit clicked and he realized how you felt like you were rejected. Tsukki’s interally beating himself up for not clearing it up but he was shocked and nervous. 

He rung the doorbell hoping you would answer but nothing. He was freaking out. He really wanted to see you and tell you how he feels but you werent answering the door. He was contemplating smashing the windows or something. Finally, you answered the door and he immidietly pulls you into a hug. You stayed like that for a while, enjoying the feel of being in his arms. You look down at her, seeing her eyes red and puffy from crying. He hated himself for being the reason why you felt heartbroken. He cupped your cheeks, slowly leaned down kissing you gently. As soon as he met your soft lips, he instantly melted. He couldnt help but smile into the kiss. “You’re such an idiot” he mummbled. Your brained stopped working once he kissed you. “Next time, let me talk okay?” he said softly. “I’m sorry you felt rejected, I was just trying to gather my thoughts and find the right thing to say.” “I’m sorry i jumped into conclusion tsukki, I didnt think you could ever like a girl like me:” You confessed. Tsukki sighed and said “You’re right, I couldn never love a girl you” he paused. You could physically feel your heart break into a million pieces. “It’s because I already love you idiot” He pulled you into a hug and kissed your forehead “Please don’t ever cry again okay? I’m not worth a single tear of yours” “I love you” you mumbled. “I love you more” 

[kwackdoctor]

Progress Note #2: How to love yourself

Today, for the nth time, I have googled “how to love myself”. It’s that time of the month, I think, that I get depressive thoughts, suicidical really, but I still try to fight for myself and try to save me. Just a little background, when I was in high school, I had suicidal notes – plans to kill myself, notes of goodbyes to my parents. To this day, I still remember the look of hurt of my mother when she read it. She was hurt, betrayed and scared at the same time. Right there I realized that my problems wont go away along with me, it will stay with the people left behind. So at that moment, I promised whenever these thoughts visit, and they often do, that I will fight for myself. A bit ironic, isn’t it? Negating the thoughts of killing myself. But it really happens, you really cant control these thoughts. I have thought about getting professional help, but I think im not ready to scare my parents again. So im doing a “self-help”. So while I was researching, I came about a website by marc and angel and they list down a few tips on how to love yourself. So today, I will try to do that.

“because the greatest struggle in life is the struggle to accept, embrace, and love ourselves, with all of our imperfections”

it seem so easy. I mean, I love myself. But do I really KNOW myself for me to love it?

I was making plans with my best friend, telling him our plans of travelling together when this academic thing is over. I was telling him of not getting married early because I was scared of being alone. When his replied shocked me, he said, “Learn to love your company, be your own bestfriend”. GUYS. My own bestfriend, telling me to be my own bestfriend. Was he trying to break up with me? But it hit me hard. I SHOULD REALLY LOVE MYSELF. But how?

“We have to learn to be our own best friends beciase sometimes we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies. We love the idea of others loving us, and we forget to love ourselves.”

Start telling yourself what you love about yourself.

Well, this is hard. You know what’s easy? Telling myself what I hate about myself. But let’s try this exercise. I have watched a series wherein they also did this but they only listed 5 things, so I will try that.

I love my height

I love my cheerful and optimistic side (even though it is tiring sometimes)

I love how I can make people laugh

I love my kilay

I love my dimples

Be one with what is

It says in the website, “ giving up on being perfect and beginning the journey of becoming your true self”. Well, that’s easy. I am not perfect. I know that. Again, I can list all of my imperfections in 10 minutes unlike exercise 1 which took my 30 minutes to list 5 things. face palm

but being one with what is, it’s kind of difficult to understand. Being okay with yourself. Isn’t that settling? Isn’t that going below average? But maybe I am the average and being myself is okay. Well, we will update on this because I am also confused on the matter HAHA

Focus less on winning the approval of others

Okay, this is difficult. We live in a world where every aspect of your life is posted on social media. Every event in your daily, mundane life is recorded. How the hell do you stop trying to get approval of others? Whenever I post something, someone is always there to comment – be it bad or good. Maybe I should get a social media hiatus, right?

“Your time on this planet is precious:

“What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it”

“Don’t wait around for someone else to give you permission to live”

Sooooo, if I sleep all day, what does that make me? Still important. I think I shouldn’t be bothered by what people think about my itinerary. I will do whatever makes me happy. #sleepislife

Distance yourself from those who bring you down

Wait, what if I don’t know those people? Should I know them?

“Being in a relationship is better than being in a wrong one” – OH SNAP, that hit me. I have been with this guy for a long time now (hello 7 years), and I still don’t see any progress with our relationship. Should I see progress? But I still don’t have the guts to let him go. I still love him. But in most times, we just aren’t in sync. I don’t know what to do with it, though.

“Know your worth” – still trying, I am so sorry.

“Quality over quantity” – ah, this I have done right. I think. But sometimes, I still feel like I was choosen last. You know those scenes in the movie, where the captain chooses their team mate? I always feel like I was the last one choosen. Maybe because they have been together longest? Or maybe because I don’t speak the language? Or maybe because of who I am as a person. But I don’t really blame them, I guess it’s my fault.

Forgive your past self.

I’m not so sure about this. I don’t really have a past to forgive on. Or do i?

(I just realized how long this list is, so I will try to be more concise)

Start making the changes you know you need to make

WHAT CHANGES?

“Just because something made you happy in the past doesn’t mean you have to keep it forever” – this is him again. I think. But but but, he still makes me happy. Sometimes. Yea, im stupid that way.

Embrace the mistakes you haven’t even made yet

This looks fun. “Don’t let the fear of making the wrong decision prevent you from making any decision at all”

Well, the thing is, I keep making the wrong decisions.

Show gratitude for who you are and what you have right now.

I am very grateful with what I have right now. I know there are a lot of people less fortunate that I am, and I am very much grateful for what I have. But sometimes, I really can’t control my jealous type. They have like this, they go to this, and whatever. But I keep telling myself that what I have now is more than enough and I shouldn’t feel bad about it. It’s an everyday struggle, but I know what I have.

I have always thought that I could get anything I want as long as I put my mind to it. But there are things that I really can’t have. That makes me angry and want to throw a tantrum but I realize that I am too old for that sht. I have to learn to accept these things, however hard it seems.

“There are lots of people who will never have what you have right now. So use pain, frustration and inconvenience to motivate you rather than annoy you. You are in conttol of the way you look at life.”

I will accept these things.

No matter how hard it is.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, so man up, self!

Do something every day that makes you happy

What if nothing makes me happy anymore?

“Life is short”

“Invest in the activities you deeply care about”

“You have to experience life on your terms before you can be life-giving to others”

I really need to get a hobby. Any suggestions?

Give yourself a fair chance to explore new ideas and opportunites

But how?

Hobbies. Interests. What.

Listen to your intuition and be honest with yourself about everything

Now, this is what this blog is all about. Being honest with myself. You see, I haven’t been honest with a lot of people in my life. I told lies to be interesting. I had to keep up with it. But then I realized, I don’t really have to do that. Fuck what people say, this is me. If you don’t love me, then leave. (I hope I am this confident in real life).

“Confidence comes from knowing that what youre doing is right, and that what you’re doing is right for YOU”

Believe in your abilities.

Focus in writing your story, instead of reading, watching, and hearing about everyone else’s

I feel like I have been doing this at some point of my life. I guess, my life was so boring I had to make it a bit interesting by watching others. But I realized again, that this was wrong.

Pay close attention to your life as you’re living it

This is what I am also practicing. Being in the present. Maybe because of my work that I have missed a lot of stuff happening in my loved one’s lives, but now I will try to be there. To be present. I used to ask myself whenever someone invites me, “what will I do there”. Today, I will answer myself with “Just be there, be present.”

Loosen up and be a little less serious about it all

I guess what’s good about me is that I don’t take it all seriously. Most of my friends can attest that. But I guess there are certain aspect in life that you should take seriously. Differentiating them is the lesson life gives you.

“people with good sense of humor have a better sense of life” REALLY NOW

Lastly, (thank God), Go out of your way to be loving and kind to others too

Heh, this is hard. I have been known to be maldita and judgemental. How do I stop?

“people who love themselves come across as very caring, generous, and kind to others too”

so today, I will try to be loving and caring. It is hard. But I will really try to go out of my way to do this. I hope everyone does, to make this life a better place.

Parting thoughts: Start looking at yourself more. Notice yourself more. Eventually, you’ll realize you love yourself more. You have nothing else, but yourself, so you really don’t have a choice. I know I will do the same. This will be my self-help blog for loving myself. I will keep you posted on my “progress”, if there’s any.

Cheerios.

[dylanobrienisbatman]

oh heyyyy can i please have pirate mechanic and 22?? I'M SO EXCITED

…in a rush of adrenaline.

Raven wasn’t one to be afraid of anything, ever. She was a zero g mechanic, a literal ASTRONAUT, who had been to OUTER SPACE in nothing more than a space suit, for fucks sake. She’d been sky diving, bungee jumping, zip lining, she used to go bouldering off the sides of mountains for fun before she got hurt and her leg wouldn’t let her. She was an adrenaline junkie, to put it mildly, but the one thing she never, ever did, was ride a motorcycle. Everything else, every other insane crazy thing she did, there was a modicum of safety to it. In space, everyone was trained to know exactly what to do, and everything was tested to perfection before she went. Sure it was dangerous, but it was all SCIENCE. She wasn’t afraid of science. Sky diving and bungee jumping and zip lining were SAFE, they had to be for people to be able to pay to do it as excursions. Normal average people could go bungee jumping on vacation. Bouldering was a little risky, but she never went high enough that she could have DIED from the fall, maybe gotten pretty hurt, but she went with friends, and knew the safety rules. Motorcycles though? There was nothing safe about that. In a fast car, you had some kind of buffer, some level of protection from seatbelts and airbags, but on a motorcycle you had nothing. You were out in the open, strapped to nothing, a helmet and some leather if you were smart, flying down the road. When she saw motorcycles weaving in and out of cars on the freeway, she scoffed, and hoped she wouldn’t see them being scraped off the road with a shovel later. She assumed no smart person would ever put themselves in that kind of danger.

And then she met Ezekiel Shaw.

Zeke used to be an Air Force Pilot, and then he was a scientist for NASA. He worked on the crafts on the ground that she worked on in space, and was damn good at it, though she’d never tell him that. He was brilliant, the first person she ever met who could match wits with her day in, day out. And Zeke Shaw rode his Harley into work. Every. Single. Day.

She scolded him for it when they first met, spouting statistics about deaths by motorcycle at him from memory, but he just smirked, waved her off, called her a “fraidy-cat” (yes, he used that exact phrase. He wasn’t catholic anymore, but he had been raised that way, and never swore, ever), and tugged his helmet on, roaring away out of the parking lot while she climbed into her car.

Her relationship with Zeke was a complex one. On the one hand, he was her friend, a great friend, a confidant who she bounced ideas off of and worked well with, her equal in brains and wit. On the other hand, he was delicious to look at and Raven wanted to jump his bones. This combination made the fact that he rode that stupid motorcycle very troubling to her, and it took a toll on her mental state. She got in the habit of calling him around the time she knew he’d be home every day, under the guise of wanting to talk about work or some new theory she was studying, but really she was just checking to make sure he made it home every day, alive. She always offered to swing by and pick him up when they would make plans, even though it was well out of her way, because the idea of him getting on that bike to come see her and then becoming road burn in the process made her sick to her stomach, but he always turned her down, and always showed up in one piece.

They had known each other about a year and 3 months, when the universe conspired against her.

She had called Zeke to see if he wanted to come into work with her on a Sunday and help her run a simulation she had been tossing around, and he lept at the chance, like always. He had been helping her write the simulation, and plan the program for almost two months, and she knew he’d want to see it through. It was pouring rain, so she offered him a ride, as always, and he turned her down, as always, showing up to work at the same time as she did even though she knew he lived an extra 15 minutes further away. They spent the whole Sunday in the lab, downing espresso shots from the bosses machine in her office and running and re-running the simulation, ordering thai takeout while they tried to get it perfect. It was late, almost 9pm, when they finally called it a day, and headed out the door, walked into the parking lot, and Raven realised she had left her lights on all day long. She tried to start her car twice, but she knew she would need a jump and there was no one around , the lab was almost 10 miles from town. She thought about calling a tow, but calling a tow for a jump seemed stupid, there would be people at the office tomorrow who could give her a jump, and she was halfway through trying to price out an Uber when Zeke shoved a helmet in front of her face.

“Come on Reyes, you’re really gonna pay for an Uber when I can just take you home myself?”

“No way. No way in hell am i getting on that deathtrap.” She kept typing in her address.

“You’ll have to get one back in the morning too, and you know its like… 30 bucks both ways. Thats $60 you could avoid by just strapping on this helmet and letting me take you home.”

“No way!! I dont care how much it costs, im so not doing that.”

“Look. I know you think its unsafe, but the rain stopped at like noon, the roads are bone dry, and I promise ill go slow.” He had this twinkle in his eye that was very distracting, and the sight of him holding that helmet, leaning against the hood of her car, was doing funny things to her stomach. She glared at him.

“Do you kn-“

“do you know how many people die on those things every day?” He raised his voice a bit, to a squeaky annoying pitch, and had to jump away when she smacked at him.

“The only reason you got away is because im a cripple.” She snarked, and he laughed. “Yeah sure, blame the leg.” He said, dancing a little further away, and then coming in close, holding the helmet out. “You can pay for that Uber if you want, but I promise, I wont let anything happen to you.” She eyed him, and the bike, wary.

“Come on Reyes, you ride up into space on a ship i work on.” His voice was all teasing, but there was something else dancing behind his eyes. “Don’t you trust me, Raven?”

He barely ever used her first name, but his sincerity was like a gut punch. He was standing really close now, just enough space for the helmet between them. Finally, she took a deep breath, shut her eyes, and grabbed the helmet in both hands.

“If we die on this damn bike, I’m going to spend our entire afterlife beating your ass.” She said, pulling it down over her head, walking over to the bike.

He sat down on the front, popping the kick stand and sliding forward enough for her to fit. He pulled out a small metal bar that had been hidden in the bike, on her right side. She knew she looked shocked, and even though he couldn’t see it through the helmet, he knew anyway.

“I was always hoping i’d get you on this thing, so i added a place for you to put your leg, since i know you can’t keep it bent for so long.” She couldn’t see his face either, and she thought maybe that was a good thing. She slid onto the bike, behind him, and propped her leg up on the stand, wrapping her arms around his solid middle.

“Remember. If we die. Perpetual ghost world ass kicking.” She called, as the bike roared to life, vibrating underneath her. He laughed, nodding, and they took off.

The speed of it was unreal, the wind whipping all her clothes and the hair that was coming out of the bottom of her helmet, and she held on tighter as the sped up. He zipped down the roads, taking every turn with ease, and even though she knew he had to be going slower than he normally did, her heart rate was a million beats a minute and she could feel her adrenaline rushing through her body. She squeezed him again, and he took one hand off the bike for a second to squeeze her forearm, to reassure her. She kept her head on his shoulder, and somehow keeping her eyes open was better than closed, so she just watched as the trees zipped by, and headlights from other cars came in and out of view. The longer they rode, the more comfortable she got, and soon it was just a rush of adrenaline, and she could feel herself loosening up, smiling, until she finally sat back a little, keeping herself still firmly around his waist, and whooped into the night air. He turned his head, and she couldn’t see his face but she knew he was laughing at her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. The ride took about 20 minutes, and when they pulled into her complex parking lot, her heart rate wouldn’t quit. He popped the kick stand on his bike, and they pulled off their helmets. He got off first, and helped her off, and maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was the blood rushing through her ears, or maybe it was just him, close and tall and grinning ear to ear, but something came over her.

“See, Reyes, told you you wo-“

She cut him off with her lips, throwing her arms around his neck, running her fingers over his scalp and pulling him down to her, kissing him hard. He was frozen in shock for a second, but then he responded with ferocity. He opened his mouth to her, letting her tongue slide across his teeth, and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her into the air and spinning her around. When he set her back on solid ground, and they broke the kiss, she tucked her face into his chest, holding him close.

“If you say I told you so, I’ll never kiss you again.” She muttered into his chest.

“Does that mean if i DON’T say it, you will kiss me again?” The hopeful tilt to his voice got her to look up, and his eyes were bright, a smile threatening to break his cheeks. She leaned up, pressing a kiss into his cheek.

“So I’ll definitely need that ride in the morning.” She whispered, into his ear, close and intentionally low.

“Yeah,” he said, failing at nonchalant, “what time should i swing by.”

She smirked up at him, taking him by the hand, leading him towards the door of her building.

“I’d say just whenever we wake up is good.” He tugged her back in for a kiss, quick and easy. The adrenaline was still rushing in her ears as she tugged him into her apartment, towards her room, but she wasn’t sure it was from the motorcycle anymore.

[topconfessions]

Thank you for taking time and reading my confessions. I really appreciate it!

Yes, I guess we couldn't agree more with each other.

On a positive note, I just talked to her and learned she actually only deactivated her account, phew. She said she deleted so I would not bother her anymore :D. She is back in business in her ig and vino.p has not liked any of her posts since the comeback neither has she.

I understand her pov, I may have influenced her in a bad way by telling scary stories of fandoms.

I hope I was able to bring some insight on top. I never expected this to happen , but at the same time,it gave me hope that he could actually have interaction with real and good people. Why would he keep on coming back to her account otherwise? Maybe it made him smile. That's all I could ask for.

But like yourself, I am kinda done. If her ever breaks free and does his thing, I will be back to support him. But now, I just don't see or understand the point of anything.

Once again, thank you for taking time. You are precious.

Much love,

The most annoying work colleague ever :D

No problem at all.

TOP does not realise he is breeding this rabid behavior, enabling it and solidifying it through his own actions as well. If he were to loosen up and take the chance with slowly talking to the followers as people and speaking more on a realistic conversation level, stop posting as if he will be gunned down if he even remotely posts normal things with non celebrity / industry friends. I'm just saying. There is a clear 100% reason the fans treat Taeyang differently than they treat TOP. Nobody can argue with me on this period. You / your mutual her treated the way you allow yourselves to be treated. We have two different perspectives on this. I personally believe he just really liked her stuff and it was nothing more than that for a while. This could have been resolved better if he didn't have any crippling anxieties himself

Yes you somewhat did rattle her and it wasn't the smartest decision to introduce someone like her to someone like him and kpop in general. Some people and subject matters don't mix even if they share common interests. She wont understand and probably never will. It's okay. It's one of those situations where you either have the immense patience and open mindedness or you'll only understand if you were there from the beginning, which she wasn't. Hence how doesn't get that it IS possible to be an idol and be esteemed like this. He utilities his resources and money to get into these fields.

But it's all really sad. A good potential internet friendship tanked. Sad. He could have sent her a DM testing the waters but it's that complex risk of him possibly thinking she'll react like a mega fan or be overwhelmed that HE messaged her when in reality like you conveyed he's kind of a random guy to her. So that's the most frustrating thing about TOP and a majority of idols in general to me. They are so out of reach and keep themselves out of reach. I'm sorry i know we live in the age of mental health coddling but the average person who has their ish together wouldn't over complicate this if they're going to keep this pattern up knowing the interaction would gain traction.

Anyways he's stuck for now and it's sad. Just very sad. Wish them both the best. You're not a bad co worker. You just shared a little interesting person to her who matched her interest who she couldn't handle and he in turn wasn't ever ready to take the leap with.

Hence why I did not relent against trolls who were originally upset at me and turned it into a death threat brawl over me making an error about one of his posts bringing mark up (mega run on sentence forgive me lmao) I don't regret any of it cause this story you've shared just shows that real interaction is hard and easier said than done. We can't tell others how to Stan or how to feel but for the very rare minority such as yourself, it's best to wait to see what is next when he takes the leap and begins to really take those risks.

A shame though.

[d-noona]

EUPHORIA

Summary: Y/N’s best friend literally throws her out to the Lions den to be devoured by a new acquaintance Jeon Jungkook. She unravels her inner desires with a man that has only one thing in mind. To deflower her.

Words: 1351 words

Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Chapter 02 - The Bar

CH. 01 - THE LITTLE BLACK DRESS

Y/N L/N was definitely NOT a party goer. She prefers to stay at home, plopped on her very single comfy bed, piled up with her teddies, kumamon, kero-keropi and assorted beanie babies. Y/N is turning 25 years old in a months time and has been single since birth. Her long wavy hair reaching just the top of her breast is adored by many, almond eyes swimming in the warmth of its hazel brown color, her caramel tanned skin, and a little more to love on the side. Her height is fairly average, but her breasts are more than plump.

More than, being an under statement as her cup size shouts double dang to the world so is her butt. Though despite this she prefers to hide her curves with baggy clothes, preferably hoodies and big pants. On a normal day, she prefers reading a book, any kind of book, doesn't matter what kind of genre it is, or probably just snack on munchies while watching anything on Netflix. Taking photos for her work, and sleeping endlessly. Y/N has never been confident about her looks, though more often than not her friends keeps assuring her otherwise. She just doesn't get it. This said, she prefers to just be alone and hide from people.

The only way for Y/N to get out of her flat is when her best friend literally drags her out of the unit. Miles Garcia, her renowned bestie for more than a decade is definitely a social butterfly. They met during college, Y/N went to a very famous Catholic all girls university, and Miles from an established Co-Ed Uni. They both clicked right away after watching some local band. Y/N was drawn to Miles, same as Miles to Y/N.

Y/N always recalled her bestie as the life of the party, her intense lust for life allures both men and women to come up to her and worship the ground she walked on. She's 25 years old, beautiful flawless skin, big brown eyes, luscious lips with a very petite figure, standing at least five foot three inches.

It was just a normal night in for Y/N, she sat on her bed, with a box of tissue on her bed side table, a bowl of her favorite chips on her lap and her TV light up as she scans the channels hoping to catch the next episode of Riverdale. She jerks in surprise as Miles comes barging in her room with an annoyed expression on her face. Judging from what her best friend was wearing she slowly feels her anxiety rise to the surface.

Oh no...here we go again....

Y/N snaps from her thought as Miles starts opening her dresser. "You need to get out or else you'll end up old, alone and weary." Miles continues as she throws a couple of outfit on Y/N's bed. "I was out earlier for your information. I went to the grocery and got these," as she points to her Doritos lazily laying on the bowl which was on top of her bed "Plus how dare you say that I'm alone? You have way too many personalities. I cant even handle. I'm good"

"Well youre gonna die a virgin" her best friend snaps back at her. Trying her best to avoid her friend she continues to munch on her chips. "I am not having that. Come on Y/N. Just for one night. Be with me? It'll be fun."

"No. Thank you" quick to answer, Y/N stands up from her bed and strides along her kitchen to grab a can of soda, then goes back to sit on her bed with Miles following her every step, once back in Y/N's room, she sits facing her. "PLEASSSEEE? I'll trade you" says her best friend. Y/N quirks up an eyebrow at Miles in curiousity wondering what her friend was offering her this time. She humms and shrugs knowing that her friend may be up to no good.

"Come on. I'll get you that camera you want! Your birthday is in a month. Its the perfect timing too. You need a new one for work you say. If you go with me tonight. I'm buying the darn thing the day after tomorrow! I promise. Pleaaaasseee bae" she whines.

Y/N, wide eyed staring at her friend, in denial. If there was one thing her best friend was good at, it was forgetting her promises but either way she just lets it slide, however this time around she was slowly considering the offer since she needs the new equipment for work. "Whats in it for you?" Knowing that there could be a reason why her friend came barging in her apartment late at night.

"I met this guy...." Miles trails off. Y/N interupts her "AHA! I knew it. Hoe!" Y/N smirks at her friend.

"Hardly. He's just too good to resist. Plus he's bringing a friend. Come on be humane. We dont want some poor stranger third wheeling with me and Suga"

Y/N chuckles at the name "Suga? Seriously??? Mileeeesss...." as she tilts her head to the side.

Her friend laughs along with her "Dont be so judgemental, its his stage name. He's a rapper for your information. Duhhhh. His real name is Min Yoongi, met him and his friend at the local cafe where you get your caffeine addiction. Plus theyre smoking hot. I prefer you lose your damn virginity to someone who knows what theyre doing" Y/N knows she will never win this battle with Miles, however she definitely wont come down without a fight for her alone time. NO WAY will she lose her virginity to some random stranger she sighs "hmmm...lets see, camera that'll be a Canon D40, an extra lens and coffee for a week or else no deal."

"Bae. Too much. My ass doesnt poop out gold nor cash. A camera and coffee for two weeks?" Miles says hopefully as she checks out the time. She has an hour to get her best friend to agree. "Camera and coffee for two weeks plus a bagle on the side." She quickly reponds.

"Fine. Deal" as Miles smirks at her friend, Y/N reaches out her hand to Miles and made a pinky promise in attempts to solidify the verbal agreement.

Rummaging through Y/N's dresser was a torture for Miles knowing her friend doesnt really like wearing girly outfits. She however finds a pot of gold when she pushes Y/N's clothes to the side to see a very familiar box. It was her gift from last year. A number specifically Miles got for Y/N which she has never worn much to her disappointment. The black spaghetti strapped dress was a few inches above the knee, with a slit on its left side. It was classy. Not trashy. She knows Y/N had all the right curves and would look amazing in the dress but her best friend never took the chance.

"Go take a shower. You reek by the way and put this on" as Miles throws the dress on Y/N's bed. Stunned, Y/N pulls the dress and shakes her head as her brain cries for help

Oh no. No. No. Heck no....

"I am not wearing THAT!" Y/N pushes the dress away from her.

"You Missy have no say. Youve made your bargain. I get to choose your dress and your look tonight. You get your coffee and camera plus your bagle with my left pinky toe as a bonus. Now go!" Miles laughs at her friend with her finger shaking furiously.

Oh God have mercy on my poor soul...

"Fine" she huffs.

After her shower, Y/N quickly blow dries her hair and changed into the God forbidden outfit her best friend has thrown at her. Miles starts doing Y/N's make up and hair. "Do you have heels?" she asks.

"Do I look like the type of person that does?" Y/N replies sarcastically. "Shit. Oh. Wait. Yeah I think I got something" Miles quickly stands up from Y/N's bed, and looks into Y/N's cabinet.

Y/N on the other hand was examining how she looked on her mirror. She feels both her insecurity and anxiety building up. She whips her head to her friend with a sigh as Miles was busy trying to find a solution for the problem at hand. "Miles. Isnt this too revealing?" She says.

"Gotcha!!!" Her friend exclaimed whilst holding a denim jacket and a pair of Stanley Smiths. "The heck are you talking about. You look hot! Here, put this on. Casual but sexy" says her friend.

Y/N does what she's told. Then looks back at the mirror. "I can work with this" she nods in approval. "Good. You look amazing. I know I look amazing. Were late. Lets go"

[sassytrickster666]

Hugo Stiglitz

 NSFW ALPHABET  DONT LIKE DONT READ  WARNING: FIRST POST EVER BEAR WITH ME DARLINGS

I found that there was almost zero Hugo Stiglitz material and since I think he’s the bomb i thought a contibute. 

WARNING: FIRST POST EVER BEAR WITH ME DARLINGS I found that there was almost zero Hugo Stiglitz material and since I think he’s the bomb i thought a contibute. 

GIFS are NOT mine, credit goes to original owners/makers. If you see one of yours and would like it credited please Message me. Thanks! <3

Also the idea of an nsfw alphabet is not mine either but idk where it started so same goes for this.

A= Aftercare

Aftercare with Hugo can vary quite a bit.

For example, when a particular lovemaking session was rougher, at first he’d plop down next to you panting. After this he’d pull you to him, making you feel safe as you feel asleep in his strong arms.

But when sex was slower and more sensual, he’d pepper kisses along your jaw and cheek, showing you rather than telling you about his appreciation.

 B= Body part.

When it comes to your body, he finds picking difficult. He likes your hands, because they’re much smaller and delicate compared to his big and calloused ones. They make him feel loved when you touch him. Speaking more sexually he totally has a thing for your ass. Hold it, squeeze it, slap it, he doesn’t know exactly why, but your ass always releases a primal side of him.

 C= Cum

Hugo always prefers to come inside of you, whether it be your mouth, cunt or ass. Its practical, so clean up won’t be much trouble. It also makes him feel like he’s marked you as his own. He doesn’t dislike cumming elsewhere he just don’t bother much, so if you request him to, he’ll happily do so.

 D = Dirty Secret

Even though he would never admit it, he loves seeing you hold your own. Whether you’d be telling another bastard like Aldo to fuck off when they’re teasing you or on the battlefield. When he sees you knocking down, stabbing, shooting or basically being a badass he always has to fight his hard on.

 E= Experience

Sure, Hugo didn’t go off to war a virgin, but to say he has a load of experience would be wrong. He is naturally shy and usually doesn’t show interest in women. He knows the basics but has lots to learn and you’ll be damned if you didn’t enjoy teaching him. After all, he does learn quick and is a very passionate lover.

 F = Favourite position

He does likes missionary because of the contact and closeness it provides, but his true favourite would be the reverse cowgirl. It gives him an opportunity to sit back and let you dominate him and an amazing view of your jiggling ass and wet pussy bouncing on his cock.

G = Goofy

Hugo is not a goofy person. He simply doesn’t see it ; why people should laugh over the most mundane things so it would take quite something to get him to laugh during sex. It did happen once, when you were in a particularly rough session and tumbled right outta bed together and you both broke into a fit of laughter. Apparently it got the attention cause all of the other basterds barged in thinking he’d gone insane. You Still cringe at the memory. Thus, doing the do is usually more serious than goofy, but he can’t help but smirk whenever something takes a pleasant turn.

 H = Hair

Being the military and disciplined man he is, he keeps himself well groomed when possible. Just like his hair, short and dark.

 I= Intimacy

At the start of your relationship, Hugo was far from ‘intimate’. The shy baby was scared you wouldn’t think of him as good enough and didn’t really dare be so vulnerable. Though, when he started to realize you weren’t ever going to abandon him and how much you enjoyed being with him, he started opening up more and more. Hugo prefers to ‘make love’ actually, thus is all being more intimate. Unless he needs to let off some steam, then prepare for a good ‘ol fuck.

 J= Jack Off

Hugo prefers not to, afraid of being caught in a time where privacy is scarce. So he doesn’t do it often. Only when its really necessary he uses it as stress relief. When he does, he pictures your body, your voice and your soft touch.

He’s very shy about it though. He’d much rather get rid of his frustrations by making love to you.

 K = kink

He definitely has Some kinky streaks . When things get rough after a difficult mission and you tease him he loves yanking on your hair and spanning your ass. He definitely gets dominant from time to time. Asking you who can only give you pleasure. In these moments he often switches to his mother language. Speaking of, he adores it when you do this, speaking german, especially if its dirty. Not to speak of his earlier mentioned instant boners when you get all badass and got your enemies blood all over you. That is when he gets more submissive and just Lets you take him however you want.

 L = Location

Hugo is very picky when it comes to this and always goes for the place with the most privacy and least risks. Except for that one time where your team was staying at in a big barn and he took you behind it outside standing between stacks of hay.

 M= Motivation

Now, there’s actually a lot that can turn him on. He has a naturally high sex drive and a lot of kinks, though something not previously mentioned is how he loves how you are and look when you wake up next to him. Disheveled and with a tired grin on your face. Trusting, loving and innocent, when only he knows how much of a little minx you actually are. He Also loves it when these mornings turn into Some cuddlefucking. He likes how close you are to him then.

 N = No

Anything humiliating or hurtful either on the giving or receiving end. He would never hurt the one he loves.

Also nothing to do with bodily fluids other than your wetness or his cum.

 O = Oral

Though he loves being on the receiving end and enjoying your rather talented skills, he thinks nothing beats watching his lady coming apart at his touch. This and he just loves the way your wet pussy tastes and pulsates against his mouth when he’s doing well.

When he is the one receiving he’s a bit afraid he’ll hurt you though you’ve told him plenty he wont.

 P= pace

He always starts of slow. Making sure you’re wet enough and Well prepared to take his cock.

However, when he thinks youve become adjusted to his size he quickly speeds up

 Q = quickie

He prefers a proper love making session over a quickie. Sure, they’re fine and convenient, certainly because you don’t get much alone time.

But he prefers to spend more time with you. Dragging out foreplay and teasing, making you feel loved at uncertain times.

 R = Risks

He thinks he takes plenty risks when ‘in the job’ and therefore thinks he doesn’t need to when in private. He isn’t keen on getting caught and others seeing you in a compromising position. He wouldn’t affect your honour negatively.

 S = Stamina

Though he hasnt been with many women many times he does have decent stamina.

He usually doesn’t come before you do (and always try to have you come first) like a true gentleman unless you got him really worked up. He usually manages more than one round depending on how tiring his day was.

 T = toys

Neither of you owns any or thinks they’re needed. If you do feel like needing something to spice things up a cloth or rope for binding arent that hard to come by.

 U = Unfair

He doesn’t really care much for teasing you, only if its to build a bit suspense and doesn’t take long.

He doesn’t mind being teased, At times it calms him actually. When he’s annoyed or angry and you start teasing him, secretly or not, he cant really stay mad. It takes the edge of. Also it makes it al all the more rewarding when the teasing turns into action.

 V = Volume

Hugo isn’t a particularly Loud man in general and this is Also the case in the bedroom. He usually makes soft grunts, moans and other sounds of appreciation. Hed rather concentrate on the lovely sounds you make. The only times hes Loud is when he really loses control.

For example when you use your tongue on him in unspeakable ways his almost pornographic sounds can easily be heard through the walls.

 W = Wildcard

What sometimes really surprises you is how sudden he can become either dominant or submissive. Usually its when you’re in the middle of foreplay and you say something or a certain action spurs him on to take on a role. Then he can suddenly become the most dominant ‘sir’ youve ever encountered ordening you around and all or become a sub that loves being called a good boy and get ordered around.

 X = X-Ray

He’s average in length but a little thicker.

You like to joke that he’s custom made for you since his cock fits perfectly, as it has a a bit of a curve to it that makes it hit a spot in you that makes you see stars.

 Y = Yearning

You two don’t always get to chance for Some alone time but when it does happen, he’s always ready to go. His sex drive is higher than average and he’ll always give you what you want.

 Z = ZZZ

He usually falls asleep quickly after sex, but never after making sure you’re comfy and safe in his arms.

[flippinoptimist]

> Vel : Meet a nerdlord

Today at 2:45 AM

deputyheadmistress Alright, someone talking to you on my behalf about a lack of privacy got to me a bit. But I'm not upset with you for how the internet behaves.

flippinoptimist thats lurky, theyre a little closer to omniscient than is average for most beings, and like kind of giving advice, and they mean well i think they meant it mostly to make me stop chargin around in like, manic mode, though, even if stuff relatin to you was the causal start of the chain sorry you got dragged into it miss granger, and that i wasn't doin the tact thing

deputyheadmistress I didn't mean them, I meant the thread about different faux book titles. But a close to omniscient being is, I suppose, something I'll also have to get used to. I'm at least a bit used to manic teens, though it's not the best way to get shocking information.

flippinoptimist i think my earth age would technically start with a two, but thats sorta recent after you spend enough time around here you get used to the like, multiverse

deputyheadmistress Can we, perhaps, stop talking about the multiverse for a few moments? And talk about something a bit more grounding, like your particular brand of magic. I'm very curious.

flippinoptimist sure its sorta a fusion of everything ive run across, since the inherent stuff that my ~destiny~ tried to put on me isnt the same kind of stuff as the place where im learnin the inherent is more of a "woo, heres a big abstract concept, you are an incarnation / channeler of a shard of it, neato"

deputyheadmistress That sounds like a lot to dig into, but alright.

flippinoptimist the school part is about how you can structure thought and energy flow into symbols and runes and things i'm focusin on artificing ..and the inherent part has given me a knack for illusions i cant figure out how to actually cast spells but im good at making things!

deputyheadmistress Oh! I was very good at ancient runes during my time at Hogwarts, and while I haven't managed to do much with it since graduation, other than an enchanted bag, I'd be really curious to see what similarities there might be. I wonder if you can cast spells. Logic seems like it'd point to yes, but if you're from somewhere else...

flippinoptimist id be curious about them!  i know the words to a few spells but ive never seen  them and do naut have a wand of the kind you are thinking of the wands i know about / make each have a specific spell in them, and are locked to create a specific effect that triggers when a gesture or word or w/e happens

deputyheadmistress That's terribly inefficient.

flippinoptimist sure, its Terrible

deputyheadmistress ... Is that referencing those historical people of note who end up being so infamous people associate them with the word 'Terrible' as well?

flippinoptimist naut much different than having a necklace that makes you invisible though yes! it also enables a billion terrible puns

deputyheadmistress I was curious. It's a bit strange to add it yourself, don't you think?

flippinoptimist (ba dum tsh)

deputyheadmistress Oh.

flippinoptimist it is

deputyheadmistress Well, that explains that, doesn't it?

flippinoptimist but my species has this thing, where on adulthood we each replace our kid name with an adult Title

deputyheadmistress Oh, it's a cultural thing.

flippinoptimist yeah, and i chose a human one

deputyheadmistress Alright. I read a little bit on that.

flippinoptimist because humans are neat and i like them

deputyheadmistress Oh! Well, I'm glad you like humans, then.

flippinoptimist and i respect a lot of the cultural things i see in most of the human places i have found

deputyheadmistress Good, I was about to ask that.

flippinoptimist also everything that comes out of japan is amazing

deputyheadmistress I don't know how I could let you use a wand from here, but I want to try.

flippinoptimist id love to try if you can think of a way! i am pretty good at establishing first contact with new universes, and i could get you alien tech and magic to check out if you wanted for various definitions of alien

deputyheadmistress ... Alien tech won't work so well on Hogwart's grounds. I had to heavily modify this computer so it'd function here.

flippinoptimist i am curious about how

flippinoptimist alllsooo....  ill have to find a copy of the magic version of getting around from place to place

deputyheadmistress Oh! I wrote a whole thesis on how to make magic more compatable with muggle text over the summer, let me...

flippinoptimist but i know where to find it!  couple of steps and itll work out okay

deputyheadmistress I'll send it to you later. It's a bit lengthy, and I have to type it up here. Alright, I'll hold.

flippinoptimist okay i hate to say this because i am definitely interested in exchangin data and showin things, but it feels rude not to remind you before we get much further that a step of getting this to work is probably going to involve me (random internet stranger) havin to figure out what your coordinates are, so i can write them in the format needed for the circley part i can get you the circle rune pattern either way, but if you want a way to actually use it, id need to basically track your IP but, like, fancy and involving you running a thing on a computer let me know if you want to do that part, but heres the circle diagram

flippinoptimist -- flippinoptimist began sending file : transportationcircle.pdf --

deputyheadmistress I have been warned about random internet strangers.... I may have to work on protection wards for a moment, for the sake of safety.

flippinoptimist sure thing i highly advise not using that w/o fillin in coordinates the way it says, and also not without knowin your home coordinates if you step through that thing, the only way back is to know how to write your home address, you know?

deputyheadmistress Alright

flippinoptimist to find home coordinates, install one a these chat programs, and send me a private message, i can use a couple a tools to trace the connection from there and get your code

deputyheadmistress This is certainly the sort of decision I want to be making at five in the morning. Alright, I've got everything set up. What is life without adventure, and the chance to make the headmistress mad at me.

flippinoptimist lol the decision will still be here at not five in the morning, but you wont be able to blame it on the time then shit i should give you the programs shouldnt i -- Discord, Trollian! --

deputyheadmistress Thank you.

flippinoptimist i have a set of coords i can give you that are explicitely for being a neutral place to meet people, but the sky isnt done yet so its janky lookin but!  the building is finished

deputyheadmistress I've chosen a fairly neutral place for the moment, don't worry.

flippinoptimist ok!

deputyheadmistress > Message him on Discord. This will be absolutely fine. Totally.

flippinoptimist > He messages her back!  About two minutes later, he gives her the number version of her coordinates, which she can use to get back home from anywhere.  He also gives her the coordinates to the convenience store, which he mentions is "a pocket dimension under construction"

deputyheadmistress > She'll... Write that down and probably not do anything with it for a while. > If he tries to look at her coordinates directly, it will really really not work, as if his machine were glitching, but he can probably go a few miles out for a nice view of a scottish country side.

flippinoptimist > Neat!  He ..does poke that far, but then sets his machine to go back to looking somewhere else.  The coordinates are saved, but he promises to himself to not use them. if somebody gives you coordinates, you can go places, or people w/ yours can send you stuff or come visit

deputyheadmistress Alright. This is going to take a bit of getting used to, but if you want to come over you can.

flippinoptimist > ..man, he was supposed to be in time out, but lately he'd been doing so well ..until today.. and he'd been leaning into choosing the Chaotic choices more and more often... > What good was putting yourself in time out if you didn't stick to it?

flippinoptimist crazy o clock in the mornin probably aint the best time for first impressions, though its temptin as hell.  i could send across some small magic gunk and weird alien snacks as a proof of concept, and meet you like, tomorrow or another day soon?

deputyheadmistress That sounds good! I'll send you some magic things too, then.

flippinoptimist sweet!  we can compare notes

deputyheadmistress > Time to gather some of George's jokes and some magical candy.

flippinoptimist > He would send an invisibility ring, a few novelty disguises, a small opal that made anyone within line of sight experience a slightly sweet taste (in a well-shielded bag), and a variety of alternian mass-produced snackfoods labled in a clearly alien language.  Ones he thought might not creep out humans too bad.

deputyheadmistress > Bertie botts every flavor beans are a necessity, though she does make sure to include a carefully penned note about what flavors he may come across that are less pleasant. Chocolate frogs are included as well, of course. Things that turn skin different interesting colors, fireworks that make flame animals bound through the air.

flippinoptimist > He is going to admire the hell out of and carefully store these for later perusal.

deputyheadmistress > He also gets a somewhat large coinpurse that he can shove his whole arm in and still seem to not run out of room.

flippinoptimist okay this is a pretty neat bag stupid question and no i am not going ot try, what happens when you turn it inside out

deputyheadmistress You could turn it out for a really long time. I think it'd be annoying to stuff it back in though

flippinoptimist okay, what if i went for a swim in the ocean with it is there a limit?

deputyheadmistress Of course there's a limit. But it can hold a tent or two, several thin blankets, changes of clothing, general everyday use things, and of course money. Thin things work better, obviously. You could probably fit thick blankets, but it'd be way more annoying both to put them in and pull them out.

flippinoptimist that makes a lotta sense and is pretty interestin i have a tech way of carrying lots of stuff, but you mentioned tech was sad

deputyheadmistress Oh! I have a print version of the paper I was going to type up.

flippinoptimist ive got an amulet thats basically like a mr potato head that disguises you all the runework lines up so you can unclip parts and clip in different parts

deputyheadmistress > Send that along, also. There's moving pictures involved, with her pictured. Oh wow.

flippinoptimist modular!

deputyheadmistress I don't think describing it as 'Mr Potato Head' is reassuring, for a disguise, but a modular disguise is interesting.

flippinoptimist it only works when everything is seated in firmly and shut, but its also sort of like legos > He .. sends a modular disguise amulet over too, with a couple of bits and pieces it only does disguises for my species, but hey, maybe thatll be handy

deputyheadmistress Maybe.

flippinoptimist pro tip if you are ever going to go to a place with my species, ask them which color of person is best for you to be can of worms subject really

deputyheadmistress That sounds racist as hell.

flippinoptimist oh yeah

deputyheadmistress Joy.

flippinoptimist p much sometides people call the usual empress "fish hitler" most of the dudes i know are huge rebels

deputyheadmistress The magical world just recently got done with a war similar to Hitler's.

flippinoptimist but!  there are placeswhere things are fine its just good to check if a place is one of them first

deputyheadmistress So I'm a little sick of that.

flippinoptimist i hang out in like three different places where she got deposed differentamounts of time ago yeah thats aight

deputyheadmistress At least there's that.

flippinoptimist speaking of humans, its great how often its naut like that like, sometimes, but anyway people can be pretty cool when teyre given teh chance

deputyheadmistress I do like to believe in the inherent goodness of people, despite how much bad has happened.

flippinoptimist i think people can choose how theyre gonna be theresa lotta nice reasons to choose not to be a dick

deputyheadmistress I should hope you wouldn't need reasons, but yes there are reasons to be nice.

flippinoptimist sometimes bein mean is tempting, otherwise people wouldnt do it you get all wrapped up in somethin, dont see all of it, then suddenly you get a reality check an gotta go "hey is this where i wanna be" and then people ignore the question because they dont wanna think about it and then its sealed, theyre dicks and theyll stay that way

flippinoptimist till they look around again

deputyheadmistress I suppose.

flippinoptimist i spend a lotta time thinkin about it i was a jerk when i was younger, and i decided to be nice instead so i spend a lot of time talkin to dudes who are or were also jerks and we all get better! cause i can help them find the reasons they need to start

flippinoptimist also jerks are sometimes kinda hilarious, and theyre often pretty good at shit.  otherwise theyd have learned better when they ran into a problem they couldnt solve w/o help.

deputyheadmistress It's getting a bit late. I think I should probably turn in for the night, before all of the teenagers wake up and need scowling at.

flippinoptimist that is probably a thing i hope you have a good night miss granger it was nice meetin you

deputyheadmistress It was really interesting talking to you, Vel.

flippinoptimist i try for interestin

deputyheadmistress Do you really need to try?

flippinoptimist not really

deputyheadmistress Have a good night. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

flippinoptimist bye!

[feverhalo]

Ok so. Big talky post about irl shit in all forms because why not & i feel bad leaving you all hanging so long on so much

Please dont r///ebl/////og and theres no pressure to read it or do anything in regards to this.

So. This covers like. So many topics. Grief and death and mental health being the biggest warnings for

Average news first. I still have my job and have been there officially for a year now! Pay rates are going up in my province, and thats a new solid reference should i need it any time soon. Theyre also beong really understanding and compromising(? Forgot theword i had originally) and letting me try new jobs/places to reduce stress

I found out yes, i am still allergic to peanut butter if the fact that i had really annoying stomach pain for h o u r s after eating a teeny tiny pb cookie is anything to go by. Didnt really pay attention to if i broke out on my sides or not because i was a little preoccupied with curling up tightly and feeling a little off the next day too. (I mean no duh what did i expect to happen but i mean. They smelled so good). Lesson learned.

Bad news

ive touched on but i dont think ever really said. Someone very very close to me passed in late summer and im still devistated and torn up and doing my denial/anger thing for the most part. Its. Not easy. But ive been going to see someone, admittedly its become a bit about everything when it was supposed to just be this, but i dont do death. When i was a kid and lost someone i shut down entirely and aside from angry outbursts and the occasional breakdown i tried my hardest to act like there was not and would never be a hole there. It didnt work well at all and im still affected by that person's passing too.

They were also one of the more supportive people in my life and i spent a lot of time reading and writing and creating in their company and its been hard.

And i know that im handling this a little better even though im still skipping out on things and blowing up and all the same sort of crap but i actually have a neutral space that wont feel marked or stained every day for processing and a neutral person to help.

And of course its not just grief im getting help with because its all kind of a tangled mess. But im also getting like. New insight on stuff and someone to talk to about whatever. And its making life quite a bit harder because im so used to blocking it out or locking myself away and letting things rush over and take over and run their course. Its been really hard to be creative because im incredibly self critical and having a lot more trouble focusing lately because of a lot of reasons.

Im stressed and overwhelmed a lot more easily and frequently right now. And i know im being distant even if it doesnt show. Im scared to kind of go along with this and open up and all that junk and now im being gently prodded to do so in short, honest (not just stuff i dont rly care about or stuff callously overshared to just pretend im being open) bursts its kind of freaking me out. But like. Itll all end up for something good i hope. Even though it feels awful right now and ive had stints of days or even a full week with supports on speed dial when i havent been able to calm down or shut off over thinking but thats- i mean i expect it. A lot is happening and ive known for years my coping strategies have been lacking.

Ive also been talking with this outside help and weve toyed with the idea of maybe i really do have add or at least my anxiety manifests similarly and its kind of a which came first- and this ties in to the next good part in a second- but i havent scheduled anything in my area for right now for those sorts of things but im still kind of getting new ideas from a different angle that might maybe help and if i dont then im learning things i still may be able to use. Either way its not a huge deal for the current moment and its a bit if trying to find compassion and acceptance for myself whether its thing a or b or neither but whatever

Good, great, best news!!

I have an in to starting the more physical process of transitioning. Like i have a day and a time and a start. Like really really really soon. Its going to be hard i know because im going to have to open up about things and will probably be told i have to wait until i can stablize a bit more- its been a lot happening in a short while. And i understand. I waited 2 years to hear from them, i waited a few years to reach out to them, and i unknowingly waited years to find new words that struck a chord and all that. So as long as its moving i can deal with the wait.

I have GOOD people (many i know and have known for years now who happen to work in an adjacent field, some who are new and yet to be met but have rly good references if that makes sense?) who are going to help me kind of navigate and understand and undo things i thought i learned that were honestly just veiled hate and scare tactic garbage. People who support me and dont push me past what i am comfortable with undergoing to "prove" anything (such as 'if you didnt do x right away youre lying/if you dont do y surgery first i wont believe you' kind of comments. I hope). Im looking into options and im so excited for it!!

Its going to involve a lot of talking about things and probably a lot i dont want to talk about just yet but its a great chance because it gets me officially connected and officially started and this place has more options than my town and more specialized crap that can detangle and work through all the connected things and it can all be lumped together as the same process and hopefully help financially that way- and time wise unbelieveably. Theres a very good chance ill be able to talk with someone there, and very likely that first appointment, who can help me understand why i work the way i do sometimes for whatever reason it is.

And im getting a lot of positivity and lessons like learning to give myself some slack where it matters and stuff like that. And that im not worthless or stained or going to rot other people- which is honestly uncomfortable for me to think because of how long ive thought the opposite. Like to think i may actually be pretty good like not pretend good and actually worth anything at all. Because i got stuck in bad thoughts since i was small.

Im also thinking on trying to go back to school because i have a lot i think about with nowhere to really put it and nothing to do which doesnt help me do the things i want to do. So maybe something like that would help because i like learning. I like the motions of it- writing and reading with intent to understand something new, the routine as much as i whined about it in highschool, the forced kind of proximity to people living apart from what i know entirely too so the world feels bigger in a tangible way. Thats on a back burner and waiting for sure! But the fact im thinking about it and happily thinking about it? I like that.

My life has been. Kind of a combination of bland as hell and busy if that makes sense. Ive had to sort of shut down outward productivity and cut down on things a bit because so much is going on, and im trying to do a lot as paced and as slowly as i can bear.

And even though im not Here here as much as i want to be and everything its just. Kind of time for this. And im so glad and happy that when i can be here i can see that people still like what ive done and theres always awesome content to see and yeah

Thanks for everything and checking in and i really really am looking forward to moving forward.