#youll never see my truly bad side
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nimomo-mo ¡ 1 year ago
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Vent
#im so relieved that the only way you get to percieve me is through curated pictures and videos. that youll never see me in my bad days#or in my ugly clothes#or with horrible skin waking up with a hangover#youll never see my truly bad side#and im happy for that#your empty sweet promises lets me be the prettiest version of myself to you even if im not much to write home about compared to your friends#im perfectly fine with you never learning of my bad habits#never knowing how despicable i look when i cry or how pathetic i am about horror#not knowing how my body looks without posing#not knowing how i snore or how i am messy or how i dissociate staring into space#im happy you never get to see the truly ugly parts of me#even if youve already experienced me breaking down or being extremely attached over text#youll never have to handle that irl#thank god#i love you#your fake affection lets me pretend im better than i am#your many fake promises will never come true and thus you will never be disgusted by me#you wont have the chance to see me as anything but an annoying but averagely pretty person on the internet. im scared of meeting you.#and if you for some odd reason ever end up meeting me. i think it would hurt even more because once you leave youll never come back.#id never see you again. youd be out doing something else experiencing new exciting adventures meeting new gorgeous people#and giving empty promises to other love struck idiots like me. and theyll fall for you just as much. and theyll realise how youll never stay#youre never going to change#youre never going to belong to anyone. to anywhere. youll be a free person that destroys the hearts of us bystanders that you seduce#how am i ever to love someone else when you're this great. who would ever compare. who would even begin to be on your level.#i know youre so out of my league it catches me off guard every time you give me attention.#even if the only attention you give me is sexual.#it always leads to it being sexual.#i guess thats what im being kept around for#i wonder what you feel when you think of me. if you ever tell others about me. if you ever think of me. if i matter#but i know you dont feel anything. i know. im just another friend.
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kusundei ¡ 8 months ago
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icfucking hate you holy shit. im going to lose my mind
nk bcuz god forbid i am ever remotely upset,??? god forbid yoy yell at me every single day. lash me. critique me. find somethint always even when i am trying my hardest to appease tou and i hahe been doing this for years. i tell myself nooo sam. noo dont do it its not worth it. anger is temporary and you are not your mother. anger is never ever justified but gd fuckinf damn it. i cant with you seriously. NO BCUZ IM SORRY I “BLAMED” YOU. i amjust upset. always. you make me so upset. because i dont fucking getit??? you lie. you give me hope. make me think of maybe youll spare me. maybe ill be okay and then you take it back and i can never fuckinf trust yoy and yoy patronize me. over and over and over and i will never make it out of this hell. no bcuz i have a car for what?,? IM SORRY THE BATTERY DIED? IM SORRY I MADE JT SEEM LIKE I WAS BLAMING YOU BCUZ ICWAS UPDET THAT YOU KEEP SAYING I HAVE NO MOTIVATION? god forbid yoy dont see me. yoy dont even ficking see me or acknowledge me till i have messed yp. its so annoying because you act like i an not looking for a job. like this isjt so hard for no fucking reason that i dont want to drive. me driving is the only reason i qant that job.
god forbid i will never repair my relatiknsgip with you. there is an invisible barrier that will always prevent me from being with you and i cannot make jt. HAVING GONE THROUGH THE FACEBOOK WITH AJAX MADE ME SO. saddened. despite the fact i enjoyed mocking myself all the photos made me so sad because i put up with it for so long in order to HAVE a mother. fo have a relatinship with you ajd i always gave you the benefit of the foubt. god forbid i acknowledge thepain i put you through but you will neher acknowledge what youve done to me. lord forbid you will never take yoyr side of the blane for the reason we r like this. make a new family and ignore your old one. have a good relationship with liam and do not put him through whag i deal with because clearly yoy do not desire to ever repair what we had. “the phone works both ways” yet i have prevented mtself from condemning you over and over and over and i silence mtself . to be with you . god forbid you ever do the same? that you will ever be pkay with me????
goodness i do not care yoy r pregnant. it does not relinquish you or justify the shit you do. youve been doing this my whole life i just wished thag matbe in the past 16 yrs you would open ur eyes and acknowledge even a little bit of it. JUST GOD. god. sell mt fucking car. just do it. im never making it out. yoy said it yourself. “i do not want you to drive” then so be it. “what do you plan to do with your life?” so much. i planned so much but i always have to take it back and rethink it through because shit will neger work put for me. “you have no motivation, are you even looking for a job? if you really wanted to drive so bad you couldve at least put some initiative into it” God forbid i ever put effort into things j do. yoy forced my hand?? forced me to rush?? just to take away the only motivation i had?????? and you do it over and over and over and i keep mindlessly believing toy sometimes. god how i keep getting my hopes up with you to be shut down over and over again . i NEED. this job. i NEED. to drive. i have motivation yoy just dont see it because you do not see me. you act all high and mighty like you know eberything about me and youre “always listening” yet you dont even know what classes i am taking? you had no idea who ajax was and had no idea i broke yp w jd till months after. you have no idea i heard yoy and jonathan that night and how badly it hurt me and ruined everything. you have no idea who i am. you do not understand me and my actions and in afraid you never truly will . god i appreciate it more when you just leave me. id rather yoy know nothing than act like you do cuz thags the worst fucking part??? you act lkke you know me sowell but yoy know nothinf at all???? its sickening. god forbid i will ever stand up for mtself and explain my actions but no yoy will never listen to me regardless. im jist. so. god . sell the damn car. fuck me over. ruin my life and the only motivation i hold because im apparently not doing enough. god forbid a job doesnt just appear out of nowhere. fod forbid i try my best all the time to be met with disappointment and ridicule over and over and you have never once. told me you were proud of me. god forbid i achieve something and it is “just expected”. you are my MOTHER. couldnt you at least act like you love me like you should???? that you support me??? tell me its okay. that im trying my best. at least try to understand me and dont condemn me lver and over when all ive done js try . and i am tetinf and god in sorry its just not good enough ever???
youve stopped now. asked me about ajax to try and lift my spirits but god. i will. never. recover. i will never make it out i will never be okay with you. youve ruined me pver and over. you are the biggest road block in my life. im just so tired . why do i even try to remain motivated like this ????? i just want it to end. give me that independence you speak so much of. allow me. spare me. because god forbid i cant take it anymore
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zevranunderstander ¡ 2 years ago
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the thing about terfs is. i get how a person can get radicalized like that and its not that i have sympathy for them but i have people in my family who were radicalized into being right-wing and there is the thing that you can never really convince them that they are wrong because the places they get their information from (other radicalized people) will only ever show them the bad stuff to a point where they dont really connect their hatred with reality anymore?
like. right wing people love to instill fear of immigrants and foreign people by recording and sharing moments in which some of these people got violent and acted up to scare the "normal" citizens into being paranoid that their country is being invaded by people who are violent and "ungrateful" and when observing a group of that size there will always be someone to complain about. there will be mentally ill people, traumatized people, people who just happen to be violent assholes, people whose actions are taken entirely out of context, etc. and this is spun into a story that ALL foreigners are like that. ALL immigrants are like that. and instead of these being the exception to the rule, the one or two immigrants that these people might personally know (and who are coincidentally really nice people) suddenly are the exception to that rule. but these people usually live in a way where they just. don't have any real contact with this group they hate outside of their echo chamber so they think everything else told about them, especially by less radicalizing media is a lie and propaganda to make you think they are actually "good and normal people" and that's fucked up, but ultimately also shows how many of these people lack a basic level of empathy for other human beings
and terfs are also like that. if you go on their blogs and read their posts youll realize very soon that the problem isn't only that they hate trans people. i think their hate for trans people is a symptom stemming from the fact that they truly truly truly hate men, to a point of ALWAYS dehumanizing them when they speak about them, calling them weird terms to further dehumanize them ('moids' and 'males' mostly). i recently reblogged a post by an ex-terf where she said something like 'terfs truly do not think men are human beings, you can only hate a group so long before you can't see them as human anymore' and if you check these people's blogs, they have the same echo chambers as the alt-right: videos of sexist men, videos of men acting violent, videos of men being horrible people, and for terfs this is the true 'male nature' - ALL men are secretly like this. ALL men hate women and want to kill and rape them.
that's why they hate trans women. because to them this isn't a gender binary, it's a group of innocent, oppressed victims and a group of violent non-human monsters. and the thought that one of these monsters would want to hide among them (im so sorry for the gross comparison) as a wolf in sheeps clothing, only pretending to be on their side to hurt them when they are letting down their guard around other women.
and that is why they don't have the same disdain for trans men, per se. they have created this echo chamber that makes them believe men are all violent and sexist and opportunistic. and like with the example of immigrants earlier it's hard to convince them otherwise. even more than in the example because toxic masculinity and the patriarchy has created tons and tons of men who are either violent, or horribly sexist. there have been centuries of female opression side and if you know where to look, it's pretty easy to find a video of andrew tate or some tradcath male youtuber for them to share in their echo chamber.
yes, toxic masculinity, sexism, etc. those are all actual issues that we have in our society, but convincing ourselves that every man is like that is so delusional and unhelpful and shows such a lack of human empathy? it's hard to argue with them because to them, men don't need any empathy ever because they hold more power in society. terfs even inflate how much more power men hold because they don't really wanna fight for equal rights, they want to be the victims. they looove saying that women are weaker, women are biologically less capable of x and biologically less intelligent than men or whatever shit, just so they can victimize themselves even further. they love arguing over posts that say something sexist and i swear i dont know how often i saw that on a terf's blog, they LOVE to pick fights with the trads on this site. they don't WANT to block the negativity, they want to wail over how oppressed they are and how cruel and hateful all men are.
and i think on this site we all have this view of terfs being exclusively against trans women, but the thing that is at the core of their beliefs is their hate for men. i think for some terfs it might be the reverse of 'they were already transphobic and then fell into a rethoric that backed their beliefs by introducing them to gender essentialism'. for other women it could also be having a particularly bad expierience with a man - living with an abusive father, being sexually assaulted and I sympathize with women who hold a grudge against the patriarchy for allowing men to take advantage of them like that, but projecting this image onto every man you ever meet is so insane and delusional. it's normal to have trust issues after having a bad expierience with ANY group of people, but it's not normal to ignore working on that and trying to get better and instead blame men for all moral failings of society and your personal life.
terfs love to hold up a woman's "innate empathy and intuition", but they do not, in fact, have actual empathy and have conditioned themselves to think all men are violent zombies who only crave power, success and to hurt and kill women.
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whumpitisthen ¡ 2 years ago
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Okay this is the funniest reason ive heard so far for hating whump lmao cut for long post and also bc i know people dont come here to read bout stupid anti-whump dumbassery i just couldn't not dunk on some fools it was too delicious
Like i could start by saying that whump is literally in every media and is usually called "conflict" or a "villain" or "character development" as that is all whump ever has been and some people simply like that part the best but i cant really bc they're specifically talking about pet whump and conditioning (missing and dismissing the majority of the community who aren't into that) as well as torture in general, and calling the community a cult
Well number one i dont even wanna go into how people seem to be way too comfortable throwing around the word cult so freely while simultaneously talking about disrespecting real abuse victims and conditioning... Like theres layers to how hypocritical that alone is but were not going into that
Number two "were the reason people get tortured irl"?? Bro have you a single braincell, genuinely. That is unironically the funniest shit ive heard yet. Imagine thinking people get hurt bc already unstable individuals took some notes from their favourite torture accounts here on Tumblr and decided to kidnap someone off the street. And not bc, yknow, theyre unstable individuals. You honestly think healthy people would just become horrible for no other reason than reading some torture fiction online. Sweet jesus. "Yea i was just gonna go about my day as normal but i read this one drabble on tumblr about someone treating another person like a dog and now i think I'd like to have a torture basement and kidnap people :)" "hey im a healthy person who hates horror and gore but after reading this one shot on Tumblr i guess ill just have to become horrible and whip someone bloody for no reason!" Do you hear how fucking stupid that sounds
Also side note but where do you think we get our ideas. Like, do you think people couldn't think on their own of ways to hurt someone if they didn't have us. Like if they just didn't read whump they'd just? never beat someone up? if they really wanted to? like it wouldn't even come to mind??? Genuinely curious about the last time you went outside and talked to another person because i guarantee youll find several people who dont regularly read whump and would still like to punch their boss in the face several times or worse unprovoked
So in any case, anon, and everyone reading this. Internet trolls exist. Stupid people exist. Sometimes they overlap, and with their alarming lack of critical thinking skills, they share their opinions about things they don't even really care about. Whump is horror. Its fictional. And its written for many "horrible just awful and wrong" reasons, including, but not limited to:
a healthy coping mechanism for actual abuse survivors (such as our lovely and brave anon right here),
bc your story should probably have some kind of conflict and not just constant fuzz with no problems ever,
maybe you find it hot (ey i dont judge youre valid too),
and bc you think villains are cool.
Horrendous right? We truly are the monsters of this world, cant you see. Look at how evil we are indulging in our completely fictional words on a screen!!!!
Sorry for the people who didn't wanna see negativity today i basically never reblog """discourse""" (if you can even call this that) but this was just hilarious to me i couldn't resist lol especially bc i see everyone taking it so seriously (not that thats a bad thing) while im sitting here giggling to myself in disbelief at how stupid it all is. Sorry if i sound like i dont take it seriously, its bc i dont take it seriously at all and find it comedy gold
any hate anons please come my way and explain why were horrible id genuinely love to hear it (non hate anons who doubt themselves suddenly for liking whump are also welcome any time, id love to chat and make you see how absolutely cringe some of these whump neg opinions are and hopefully make your worries disappear :))
Also anon you are so lovely do not let your love for something be so easily tainted by dumbfucks who dont know what they're talking about, whump (even the most gory, horrible, vile, disgusting smutty conditioned pet noncon whump drabble you can possibly find) is normal and fine and good bc it is fiction and nothing more, as well as natural and born from like minded peoples minds. Do not ever feel guilty for finding safety or happiness in something that literally doesn't even affect anyone but you. I love you.
I saw a post on someone's blog that said when we write torture and pet whump and conditioning that we're the reason real people get tortured...because people have looked to fiction for their ideas on how to torture people before so when we write it for whump it's making us bad people and it can make real people torture others with our ideas. And a couple blogs here reblogged and liked it agreeing and saying whump is a cult, and now I'm feeling guilty about liking whump when I just stopped feeling guilty. I've been through a lot of real abuse and I really like whump but with those people saying it's disrespecting victims I feel like an evil person again.
First of all, anon, please don't feel like that.
You are not evil.
People who write or like horror are not evil.
You feeling like this and reflecting on it like this makes you quite the opposite.
I write about torture and horrible things. I like whump. I do not want to see these things in real life. And I doubt you do.
The world isn't as black and white as some people think.
And you have nothing to feel guilty for.
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choibinn3 ¡ 3 years ago
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GET IT TOGETHER, JUNGWON!!
[ four. O_o Yang Jungwonnie ]
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⋆·˚ ༘ * in which jungwon had meant for that love letter to go to yeri, and not you—her bff. for some reason though, he finds that with each moment he spends together with you he's closer and closer to forgetting all about that damn letter.
luv note - chloe moriondo
WRITTEN PORTION. 1.9k words
btw remember that second hand embarrassment tag?? yeahh....
ps. this is bad, very, very bad and cheesy so be warned (its meant to be, but youll still feel pain lol)
—
student council room.
Jungwon could feel his hands clamming up, but he instead urged himself to just swallow down his nerves. For the past week he thought the biggest worry he had was his parents and Student Council work.
Not potentially losing friendships and breaking your heart.
"Jungwon? Are you still there?" your voice asked. It was slightly muffled by the door, but still distinct. "I had to tell Hyuka to go back without me."
You, he remembered. He had to fix this. He had known you since you were both in kindergarten, incidentally somehow being in the same classes up until High School. Still, he didn't know you though.
You were closer than acquaintances, maybe a little less than friends, and definitely not more than people with mutual friends. With everything that had been happening since the Student Council election, he had assumed he'd get closer to you naturally. It just never happened though, but he enjoyed your company when he could.
Yeri on the other hand, he was connected with. Being both Student Council President and Vice President meant they worked together often, and he found himself being drawn to her sweetness. He enjoyed their dynamic and their current friendship.
The way they worked complemented each other, and she always found a way to make him smile—it seemed as though her kindness and generosity knew no bounds. Plus, she related to him in a way none of his other friends did.
Late, after class and after hours, they'd both talk casually while doing paperwork. Jungwon's parents were hardheaded and stubborn people, wanting the best for him and yet stressing him out. They were the whole reason he ran for President in the first place.
He couldn't find it in himself to hate them though.
Yeri was the same, and she supported him throughout all the difficult times he went through because of them. She was soft, so level headed, fiercely loyal, and unbelievably pretty.
They had been partners and friends for a little over a month, and Jungwon was sure he wanted to at least try with her. It was young, new and unfurling feelings, it was something he wanted to find out.
Your energetic personality was charming, but that was all it was. It didn't strike his heart in any particular way. Jungwon was almost 100% sure there was no way Yeri would ever date him after this, but he needed to prioritize your feelings currently.
He just hoped Yeri and him could still be friends afterwards though—because being a liar was the one thing Jungwon wasn't.
"Yeah," he called out, "still here. You can just come back in now."
He watched as you nervously peeled back the sliding door of the clubroom, inching inside to peer at him. You walked closer to stand in front of him, and Jungwon smiled in hopes of easing your anxiousness.
You threw one back, although a bit hesitantly. "Jungwon," you started, twiddling with your fingers. He simply watched—wanting to at least let you talk a bit. Crushing your feelings now would be nothing but brutal. "Honestly, I was really surprised with the letter. Do you... remember back in 3rd grade?"
"No? I'm sorry, I'm not good with memories from Elementary School," the doe-eyed boy replied. He was telling the truth, grade school felt like ages ago and he just hasn't had the time to reminisce on childhood memories.
You held your hands up in a defensive manner. "That's fine! Um, you like... Uhh, how do I say this..." You made gestures with your figures, hoping to convey it to him in one way or another. God, this was dumb.
Jungwon observed silently as you laughed at your own stuttering. Endearing, came to mind. That was cute.
In the Council Room and in class, you were always particularly enthusiastic and excitable. Seeing you bashful was a very different side of you for the black-haired boy.
"I sent you my own love letter once. Like, a long, long time ago, and you sort of rejected me? I think."
"You think?" The boy held back a laugh, but quickly composed himself. He wasn't laughing maliciously, just... how could you be unsure of such a thing? "I'm sorry, but I still don't remember."
"Yeah, that's fine!" You nodded, embarrassed from his almost-chuckle. You did not want to seem like an idiot in front of him today. "Actually, I don't remember much either, but you didn't reply to it."
Jungwon gazed at your brows furrowed from trying to think of more words to say, and suddenly he felt a tonne of guilt fall onto him. His expression grew solemn.
Quick, get it over with, before this would get any worse.
"Look, YN—"
He had to shut his mouth almost immediately.
"What I'm trying to say is—!" You took a deep breath. "I've liked you since then! Since years, and years ago," you finally blurted, closing your eyes as to not see his reaction.
"You're the only one I've ever felt this way towards. I thought once I grew up this warmth would just... go away, but it hasn't and I don't think it will. I was honestly going to just swallow it all down hoping I'd get over it before we graduate, but I couldn't. My feelings were overflowing—I just found myself finding more things about I liked about you instead."
Your goal today was to not embarrass yourself, but to hastily tell him you liked him too before sprinting away. It seemed as though nothing was going to plan so far, for neither of you, actually.
Jungwon was left unable to speak from your surprising declaration. You took that as a sign to continue. Whatever happened next was something for future you to panic over.
"I like your dimples, that smile you make when you're passing by strangers in the hallway, and the way your hair falls when you comb through it. You're admirable in everything you do, truly. The way you help underclassmen, the way you always make sure to assist teachers during your free periods, and how you never seem to complain or get frustrated when we make mistakes."
You had nurtured your feelings for what felt like forever. Even when you were technically rejected back then, and even now. At first, you thought that he would be a passing crush from when you were a kid—but he wasn't. He grew into his own so much so that you found yourself admiring his leadership, compassion and thoughtfulness with each day you watched him.
"I like how mature you are, how you still find the time to care for your friends even with Student Council work, the natural way you light up any room you walk into, how I could honestly hear your voice talk for hours on end, how even though we haven't spoken much you still remember my favorite color from when I told you during introductions, I'm rambling gahh, just—all of it! I like all of it, everything about you!"
Everyday of harboring your secret affections for the boy consisted of soft glances during his speeches, wishes to be able to encase his hand within yours to interlock your fingers under the table during meetings, and wantings to be more than what you were to him. It was alright for a while, but it had started to become painful.
All crushes are painful, you told yourself in 5th grade, watching him start to receive confessions from your classmates.
"—I like you! I've liked you since the 3rd grade, and so I accept! I really, really want to be with you Yang Jungwon. Please take care of me!"
They were all painful, but you were given the chance to make yours not. To make your feelings real and acknowledged, to bare yourself in front of him like a vivisection—and you were taking it. Even when you were practically trembling from the embarrassment.
Jungwon was stilled from the shock. Heeseung had already told him of your long held feelings, but hearing it from your mouth while you had your eyes shut tight made him flustered.
How were you able to do that so shamelessly? To be so vulnerable and weak in front of someone? He had to write a whole letter, albeit a bit poorly, and somehow you were able to say it all.
He's received confessions before, felt those kind of feelings, but he wouldn't have been able to yell out those sort of things ever—no matter how strong his feelings were. You were dangerously bold, he thought.
Bold enough to send a bright heat to overtake his cheeks.
You looked up finally after mustering enough courage from his lack of speaking, only to find yourself blinking at a red-faced Jungwon. Oh my God, he's blushing...! YOU did that.
The both of you stood there for a while, thinking the same thought of what is even happening? Is this real, or have I just been in a daze for the past few days? Jungwon's eyes were comically wide and his mouth was gaping, but he couldn't find it in himself to close it.
The thought made you gain confidence all of a sudden, finding the opportunity to do something you had always wanted to do. Quickly and stealthily, you went onto your tippy toes—
and kissed him on the cheek.
Jungwon felt your lips on the smooth expanse of his skin, and smelt your scent from the intimate proximity. It was a chaste gesture, almost no where close to his lips at all, but he heard his heart beating against his ribcage nonetheless. It thrummed in his ears like a drum, and he wanted to whisper for it to stop.
For it to not be swayed so easily.
It was the innocence of such a thing that got to him. Not once had Jungwon held hands, kissed, or even confessed to someone up until now. Of course, you suddenly getting so close and pecking him with your hands balled up would send his heart into a flurry.
The usually put together Student Council President in front of you let out a strangled noise from the back of his throat, the tips of his ears and face becoming rosier. His throat was closing up, God, why was his throat closing up? Not now, please. He couldn't even remember what he was meant to be saying.
You smiled at him, happy to be rendering him to such a state. It was one of the most impulsive things you've done up to date, but you couldn't find yourself regretting it.
This was what those coming of age dramas on TV were describing—it was the start of one of those cheesy, really bad High School romances. Fervent, mushy, uncertain, but so tender it made your heart ache for hours even after watching.
As you retreated slowly, he caught a glimpse of your bright eyes, downcast lashes, and—holy shit you were so close. He could see the particular way you curled your lips.
He had to hold his breath.
Jungwon watched as your expression morphed into one of slight mischievousness, and an inkling of something softer, before you dashed out the sliding doors—
"Wait!
The sudden motion made him gain his words back, but you were already through the hallways with your hand on your bag.
—leaving him with nothing but the memory and the patter of your footsteps. So fast, so much speed, were you in track? The past few seconds were nothing but a blur of confusion and feelings he didn't want felt.
What just... What just happened?
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TLDR (but whyy :( pls read it); jungwon goes to do take backsies on his confession, u kiss his cheek, he goes coocoo bananas!!!
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i wanted to emphasize how new his feelings for yeri :] if u could guess what this could mean. alsoooo... did u notice how fast this went ? i intended it to be rushed and "in the moment" like it was in the scene hehe
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icecreamkink ¡ 4 years ago
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watched all of the untamed / cql in two weeks after my friend 1 told me abt mdzs a hundred years ago and my friends 2 and 3 tried to get me into cql for like two whole years and there are.
feelings.
very first scene is a very dramatic death in the middle of nightmare battle on sith planet land . i will forget abt it in the next tenish episodes and then will be very surprised when it becomes Extremely Painful
anyway magic flying gays and possession and human sacrifice! we are off to a great start
in retrospect, chaos goblin wei wuxian must have had a blast pretending to be so cRaZy and be as disruptive as he could as mo xuanyu lbr
listen. why is fire always evil coded. cant a magic clan wear red, black and orange and have flame motif while being wholesome?
For Legal Reasons These Are Not Zombies
i wish the politics of the sect were a bit clearer, especially at the beggining when the wen clan had sm power, was wen ruohan the chief cultivator? is that why they were so slow in responding to the attacks? im v confused by the pre yiling patriarch politics
fighting in the roof by the moonlight as way of flirtiiiiiiing. as i understand this is a wuxia/xianxia trope and honestly...... thank u for ur service
slight bullying and being a nuisance in general, as a way of flirting we love to see it
wwx: if i drink on the rooftop, thats not inside the cloud recesses! hmmm check and mate :D lwj: i will fuck u up so help me god   wwx: :0
i lov them
through hell or high water (quite literally) wei wuxian rem ains a trashfire gremlin till the end and i love him with my whole heart
in the pt subs wei wuxian calls jiang cheng a stubborn duck and i dearly wish that had come back
my opinions on almost every character goes from love to hate u - Hmm Me Like U - BABY. ILY. and i am Very Pleased w that. its been a while since i loved such a complete cast so much i think
no really. i WONT go into a detailed rant abt what i love about each of these characters and each of their relationships to each other. but i COULD. 
some lan disciples in the loudest whisper ever: YEAH THATS THE JIN BASTARD MENG YAO HEARD THE GOT SUPER HUMILIATED BY HIS DAD LOL SURE HOPE HE DOESNT TAKE SLIGHTS TO HIS CHARACTER TO HEART
lan xichen, immediately: i must Love him 
being into problematic ppl is in the Lan genetics, we come to realize
wen qing deserves so many awards for so many things but not snapping and just stabbing wen chao is at the top 
that scene at lan qirens class where wwx talks about using resentful energy to fight a violent spirit. exquisite.
 It establishes Good Student lan wangji, wei wuxian as curious and questioning and not afraid of taboo,  lwj sees that wwx is not, in fact, a dumb ass hes just a Dumbass,  shows us the audience (esp. a western audience) how shocking the idea of disrupting the dead/dying and controlling resentful energy actually is,  the theoretical foreshadow arguing, everyone else like ‘shUT UP’,  “and how could you ensure that the resentful energy would obey you and not hurt other?” “well i havent thought that far” and of course, lan qiren just straight up lobbing a hard object at wwx head,. chefs kiss
fellas is it gay to bother the hot rule obessessed nerd from ur school and make drawings of him with flowers in his hair and then hide gay porn in his book to antagonize him and ask him to hold ur hand and be ur friend and talk to him all the time and get him drunk and give him bunnies bc you know he likes them and give him a lantern and always want his attention and dedicate yourself to getting him to smile-
and after all of that wwx rly said oh i Admire him, aksd like yeah we all were there in high school buddy
i have Learned. caves = gay.
 accidental marriage +beint physically tied together with the sacred married ribbon+ gay panic+foreshadowing+bunnies! in the cave (1)
the story abt lan yi and baoshan sanren tho. i would like to see it
early days wen bros pull my heart strings like a guqin 
EVERYTHING about the lantern scene; disaster hets jiang yanli and jin zixuan; how wwx made lwj a bunny lantern. how soft and touched lwj was. wwx gleefully pointing out he was smiling and lwj IMMEDIATELY PULLING HIW SWORD ON HIM LMAO. tragically foreshadowy promises to do right by pepople, living without regrets. lwjs 'oh no do i love him??' face. just. all of it. 
i have it on good acc that in the novel lwj is explicitly Repressed Gay Panicked Big Horny which is delightful and rly Adds to the performance
 baby lwj is really just conceal dont feel dont let them know u have EMOTIONS (derogatory)
jiang cheng rly went "why dont.u go play with HIM if u like him so much"
jc and wwx have big BIG annoying sibling energy dont think too hard abt it or youll cry
lotus pier is soo pretty :((((((((((((((((
up until episode 13 you could think this could be a magical ancient chinese gays pride n prejudice w swords and shenanigans ................youre just not prepared for the game of thrones of it all
seriously ha ha ha i cried so much w this show my eyes genuinely swelled up . like. physically. fun timez fun timez
that being said, its hilarious that wen xu goes to cloud recesses like 'come out or ill kill all these hostages' and then DOESNT WAIT FOR AN ASWER AND KILLS THEM ALL IMMEDIATELY. do u know how blackmail works sir
 would like to make it recorded that from day one i was like 'CALL A GODDAMN CULTIVATION G20 THIS ASSHOLE SECT IS LITERALLY MASSACRING YALL!!' and it took them like 3 or 4 massacres to do anything and they STILL sent their heirs into their territory  LIKE
when wwx cites the gusu lan rules to wen chao tho. that rebel/attention whore/cutie pie 'look lan zhan i DID memorize the rules after all' ‘also a big fuck you to the wen sect :D :D’ sweet spot that scene achieves . delicious
all the cultivator young masters being petty af even though they are practically prisoners at the cave is hilarious and i love them
hurt and comfort + gay mistunderstandings + watsonian gay declaration music + accidental evil acquisition! at the cave (2)
its like where do i start? the fact theyre both trapped and kind of heavily injured inside an isolated cave with a murder turtle? wwx gay panicking lwj into coughing up bad blood? lwj being jealous as wwx babbles abt mianmian? telling him he shouldnt play with people and wwx saying he never played him? wwx going Oh. I See what is happening. YOU like mianmian, and lwj absolute done face ??? (iconic) wwx touching the sacred married ribbon Again? the telepathic communication? the sword? WEI WUXIAN ASKING LAN WANGJI TO SING TO HIM AS HE IS PASSING OUT AND LWJ SINGING HIM. THE SONG. HE WROTE. FOR WWX. AND THAT HE CALLED. THEIR SHIP NAME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
they are SO insufferable pleeeeease
in the words of my friend 1 : “CQL is so gay we were all amazed how it got past the censors Ofc unfortunately it can't be novel level gay But they did their best And we love them for it”
in the theme of songs THIS OST. WUJI HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY MIND RENT FREE SINCE I FIRST HEARD IT the whole ost is so so sO beautiful.
 the costuming in this is also soooo exquisite. the embroidery? the fabrics? the details? how every sect and clan has a distinct style and architecture? (also ik they based each off of dif periods in chinese history which is REALLY fucking cool) just chefs kiss
the direction too!. i enjoy the unusual camera movements and i think they give it that Vibe, also their composition is PARTICULARLY good when it comes to telling the subtext through position of camera/position of character (like nhs off to the side in scenes he at first glance doesnt need to be/ how lwj is often centered when hes Jealous Yearning at wwx being affectionate w other ppl, wwx return from burial mounds etc)
ik madam yu is like Badass Milf Check and shes not getting any mom of the year awards but im delighted at how messy she is. IMAGINE that woman on tiktok
you better have enjoyed gay cave (2) bc its Just Pain from here on out! 
jiang fengmian and madame yu win the Most Dramatic Way to show they do care about each other, actually ..... ever :)
i thought jiang yanli jiang cheng and wei wuxian forcing themselves to escape yunmeng barely holding on after their parents are killed was going to be the height of pain in this show. ha. 
the family dynamics in general on this showwwww, both blood/ adopted/ found families, brotherly bonds and lifelong friendships just. rly. truly. fucked me up. theyre all so important and complicated and well rounded and beautiful and tragic
and beyond being a Win For the Gays im so glad the relationships w wwx and jiang yanli/ wen qing were NOT changed from platonic bc they are so much better like that imo. like maybe if we didnt Live In A Society it wouldnt be so, but the fact wwx and others can love and value them so much and theres nothing romantic or sexual abt it is like. so refreshing. especially @ jyl, with the way he and jc are overprotective of her and shes such a nurturing/care taker figure for them, it would just not vibe as well if they made it romantic
i love that this is a story abt Wei Wuxian, the Yiling Patriarch aka Actual Satan/Boogey Man/Village With/Public Enemy Number One , my dude is literally a necromancer who only dresses in black and has evil smokey black tendrils wafting out of him, but the really edgy one is still jiang cheng, pastel purple fashion icon
and speaking of best/worst siblings wei wuxian and jiang cheng *immediately starts crying* 
The Golden Core Transfer i just. no thots only tears 
wen qing and wen ning putting themselves in so much danger just.... to help them. wn saving jc from wen chao. wq finding a way to get wwx to transfer his core. like thinking about the monumental work these two did to help wwx and jyl and jc... jyl trying so fucking hard to be strong and keep on moving and giver her little brothers comfort after losing everything... jiang cheng. losing his parents and his home and his ability to do anything abt it and his complete desperation and lack of self worth and turning on them with agression  when he didnt realize all that they did for him ... hhhhhhhhhhhhh
me, pointing at the whole cast “i just LOVE them mom!!!”
its sad tho, that BARELY ANY of the women have like.... actual important conversations let alone relationships with each other at all in the story. and like wq and jyl have stayed at the same place for extended periods of time, where wq actively took care of her TWICE,  and still! not one measly convo, nothing! ................ .𝓌ₕᵧ
everyone in this show need a good sip of Self Worth and Stop Sacrificing Yourself juice 
ngl the sword flying looks very dumb 
“a-cheng, please bring a-xian back.” “i will, i promise.” ;-;
the whole calling each other by the More Intimate Version of the name, first as teasing and later as true intimacy. mmmhmmm yes
untamed where everythings the same but wwx evil flute song is eoeo
related that scene when wwx comes back from the burial mounds for the first time w demonic cultivation and he acts all formal and calls lwj hanguang-jun and keeps being evasive and distant and mean and soooooo................. facetious 
and how hes kind of desperately trying to keep intense lwj at bay (A FIRST) and avoiding actually talking to either of them and its all tension ughhh and then he MOCKS his and lwjs relationship, he jokes w him in this like... mean echo of their usual ~banter~ oof 
 and like!!! uncertain but so relieved jc who just HUGS him w no reservations for once and its not like he isnt just as worried as lwj abt wwx and what hes doing, but he chooses in that moment to enjoy getting him back first and mmhmMMMmMm yes (maybe my favorite scene in the whole show? MAYBE SO. ) 
highkey hurt me but also. i might be into mean wwx. i will take no criticism.
lan zhans sad eyes tho :((((((((( 
on one hand i wish we could have seen what happened at the burial mounds but on the other the timeskip adds so much flair to his return so im hnnn
also i love that hes been missing for 3 months reappears kinda melancholic and bloodthirsty and knowing malign tricks and jc is like 'so. are u sad bc of lan wangji'
when ur bae survived the war but he thinks ur evil/ might be evil so you cant kiss :///
hmmm talking at the rooftop under the moonlight not mentioning everything that stands between usssss
they are the two jades of lan and we’ll be the two heroes of yunmeng is the type of line u dont even need to know whats gonna happen to know thats gonna be sad
when they fight wen ruoshan at the nightless city i thought that was the battle we see at the first ep and its not and its so easy and theyre all like ‘yayy we won go wwx!’ i was just. SCREAMS WHAT is gonna HAPPEN
so like. post burial mounds/sunshot campaign pre yiling patriarch wwx is like. ultra arrogant, ultra mocking, peak lil shit and it gave me e v e r y t h i n g i wanted
even tho having the wen prisoners at the targets at phoenix mountain and still having wwx and jzx shooting the arrows was???? so.... tone deaf 
wwx: fucking w demonic energy   jyl: he has never done anything wrong in his life, ever <3 <3 (mood)
the parallels between meng yao/wei wuxian (and even xue yang a bit?) are Seen and they are Valid
wwx post burial mounds: can yall SHUT UP abt the goddamn sword (suibian left the chat)
LIKE truly, we talk abt the angst and yearning with wangxian. but what abt wwx and suibian. xianbian / xianqing angst and comfort 100k
take a shot everytime someone coughs up blood
zidian is simply the coolest spiritual weapon rip to suibian and chenqing and bichen and sendou and baixa........ but tis the truth 
cons: everyones families died in a nightmare war! everyones homes burned to the ground! everyone is traumatized! pros: everyone gets cooler clothes and weapons!!
wen ning and a-yuan and yanli bestest babes squad dont touch me rn
everyone: brooding and fighting                                                                wq and jyl: why dont you try some acupunture/drinking some soup and calm down huh? how abt that bitch?? 
showing the battle/massacre at the nightless city first was genius actually bc then everytime we have a cute scene w yunmeng bros and theyre like 'we'll be together forever! uwu' youre like oh. oh no. oh no no no. 
justice vs lawfulness vs means and ends 👁
jc: stay in the right path and practice the art of the sword                        wx: yeah thats not gonna happen chief
my reaction to wwx renouncing to the sect politics to help the wens was just that elmo burning gif in succession
the dramatic rain. wen qing desperately calling out to wen ning. the ghosts/puppets killing the guards. how terrifying wn actually was while wwx was controlling him :( lwj goeing after him to try and stop him and then he just; he Sees him and understands him even if he cant actually do anything about it other than let them go. 
“there must be somewhere in this earth we can go to :(((((((((”
"IF I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM, I'D RATHER IT BE YOU. DYING BY YOUR HANDS WOULD AT LEAST BE WORTH IT." oh my god oh my god oh my goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooddddddd
also lwjs umbrella is white w black smoke.. .  . nice
yiling patriarch / demonic farming burial mounds settlement is like one of my favorite concepts. they an "EVIL" FARMING COMMUNITY LED BY THE VILLAGE WITCH COME ON
they planted TURNIPS and LOTUS FLOWERS and ONE (1) baby and made lanterns and a common hall :(((((((
wen qing and wei wuxian, baddest bitches and genius science best friends i absolutely LOVED to see it. they rly went ‘is anyone gonna sibling/project partner that’ and didnt wait for an answer
both wwx and jyl getting lotus ponds at the burial mounds and in lanling bc they miss lotus pier ;;;;;;;w
;;;;; wish jyl had actually gone into the burial mounds. we were robbed of jyl and wq meeting again and jyl meeting a-yuan and seeing the settlement and the homes and all ;w; at least jc did go, stab wounds and broken arms and all
wwx like... having thrown his whole life away to help the wens (yeah the sect leaders and jin guangshan in particular wanting his stygian tiger amulet was an Element but still) and not.... necessarily regretting it, but grappling with all of the consequences of it... becoming moody and drepressed at times, missing his family and lotus pier and his friends and probably simply missing being around people and causing trouble, extrovert that he is, lashing out at the wens and at a-yuan, just in general the whole messiness of that experience
the way the resentful energy does affect his temperament is rly nice bc its not too in your face,(i mean outside of the Shaky Hands of Rage) but like he clearly has a much lesser control on his anger and impulsivity (tall order) than both before bm and after hes ressurected
on that note A-YUAN BABIEST BABY BOY BEST BOY
lan zhan being like oh hey there wei ying fancy meeting u and our son here. just passing by u know how it is hmmmmMm and then PLOT TWIST having defied orders to go see him and being punished for it. oof;;
 they habent seen each other in like? a year? and now theyre tgt 10 seconds and are already parenting a child together
also lwj rly kneels down in the snow way too much to be healthy
wwx: calm down guyssss i wont lose control of demonic cultivation omgggg  .   spoiler alert: he loses control of demonic cultivation
did u enjoy cute children? good bc now the Real Pain Begins
jiang yanli and jin zixuan rly out there APROPRIATING both disaster gays AND bury ur gays huh ;w;
i KNEW jin lings birthday was gonna fuck something up but the GASP that left my body when wwx lost control of wn and killed jin zixuan .. . . 
im sorry and thank you aaaaAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAaAAAAA 
when wen ning and wen qing were telling wwx their plan i was saying NO NO NO NO NO NO out loud in despair 
also can we talk abt how wq is definetely talking about only the both of them surrending themselves but then? everyone else just surrenders w them? IT MAKES NO SENSE LIKE WHY WOULD THEY what would be the Point
 sometimes there are some pretty gaping jumps in logic and continuity that are just like                     ?          ?
wwx: oh so when you try to murder me its justified but when i survive through dark magic and murder all of you its a "war crime"
unsurprisingly, his most feral, most spiraling moment talking to the sect leaders on the roof and attacking them and even fighting lan zhan is among my favorite scenes... its like, so painful to watch but also   so       thrilling   (and maybe my wen bbs dying arose some resentful energy in me what can i say) 
and its JUST, all they ever wanted was to do good but then... war. and trauma. and hubris. 
jiang cheng on the ground clearly thorn between what to do and feel is a Mood, lets just say
i was already crying when jyl showed up, but if i wasnt-
 i suffered SO MUCH through this series trying to figure out WHY jc would kill wwx. and when i understood. its somehow not as bad as i thought and also MUCH MUCH WORSE
a look into my group chat during the last flashback episodes:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
SO ANYWAY. after the BLOOD BATH and RIPPING YOUR HEART OUT and FEEDING IT TO YOU  the untamed goes ‘ayy back to the present!! tu du dud ud du’ 
literally it ends a quarter into an episode and then KEEPS GOING i had to pause and stare blankly at the ceiling for an hour
babie cultivators and detective soulmates . i do need some cute after All of That 
(not that the pain is over LOL)
lwj is significantly less emotionally repressed in the present and its delightful. hes just ALL IN with wwx. and not just in the ‘i would and have killed various men and risked my reputation for you’ but also ‘ur tired here have a drink i brought it up cause i know u like it and it want you to be happy, always’
“when everyone praised me and wanted my power, you were the only one that challenged me. now that everyone hates me and wants me dead, youre the only one that stands by my side.” hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 
and just filling in the blanks how lan zhan searched for him. for all of those 16 years he searched for him and was punished for it and raised a-yuan, the only survivor of the burial mounds settlement, as his own in gusu......
and jiang cheng.  being the tough love uncle . having raised the yunmeng jiang clan from the rubble all alone, his whole family dead, some of it on the blame of his own brother, his siblings, his closest friends gone.......and only jin ling there needing his guidance. 
THE PARALLEL BETWEEN JIN LING BEING A LIFELINE FOR JIANG CHENG AND A-YUAN FOR LAN WANGJI AFTER THE BATTLE AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY  
great now i made myself sad
and like . the fact! that lwj and jc dislike each other!!. jc projects blame onto him for wwx both “leaving” him and indirectly causing their families deaths and when hes so consumed by it he makes wwx an enemy, lwj is there now? trying to protect him?? and lwj, who can never understand the pain that wwx , indirectly or not put jc through, but who was right there when jc tried to kill him and will never allow him to hurt wwx again. and how they like. in a way project blame of their tragedies onto each other while dealing with some type of survivor guilt and in their own way still loving wwx through it all???  amd in way its kind of fundamentally selfish but also tragically understandable? and like when u put it against the fact that after he disappears during the sunshot campaign they were looking for him together and fought together??
JUST. THE CHARACTERS. AND THE RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS. MAN. UGH. GOD. 
and like i think thats what makes it so good? its such a sad and painful and violent story, edgy even, but its compelling bc at the center of it there are all of these relationships and different types of love and hope and. :( i love it
enough crying lets talk abt wwx sleeping at the jingshi with lwj and wearing his under garment for a minute 🙏
 jin ling just has that Was Raised by JC energy tho lmao i love him
babie cultivator squad is the perfect ammount of cute and comedic relief while still bearing the weight? of the narrative in a way, both from sizhui and jin lings existences, and also. like. how do i put this. they feel hopeful? they were born after a war, they came of age at a time of relative peace, they dont hold on so closely to the resentments of their parents/father figures, they are specifically shown as more accepting and open minded. and its like.... Hope for the future  
one of the ?? things  i love the most is the fact that the main cast are often in situations where theyre hunted/running but they like. never wear disguises... just going around in their gorgeous expensive clan clothes and hair ornaments and distinctive spiritual weapons.... maybe w a straw hat on, just for kicks
wwx teacher 🥺🥺🥺
so this is why its called Yi City Misery huh
a-qing is such. an icon. im so sad. my girl even knew to leave xys dumb self rotting by the road but no one listens to her thats why theyre all dead or sad 
her and xue yang measuring each other up was so entertaining lmao
 its the funniest thing when hes like. HERES MY SAD STORY. FOR WHY IM A SADISTIC MURDERER. I BROKE MY HAND ONCE. 
like ok someone broke his hand in a horrible way, and like Poverty, i get it but also like.......... that lost the brunt of a proper sob story like, 50 sadistic murders ago bby
and i love that xingchen does not entertain that for a second hes like ‘not ?????? good enough???’ and the best thing is he wasnt even like 'u hadto be the bigger person' or sth but ' well then break that dudes hand back, rip his arm off for i care, what do the rest of us have to do w anything???” 
anjo sensato :(
xue yang is like..... the sexy sadistic evil version of a himbo..... a meanbo...
the fucked upness of xy’s feelings for xxc/ xxc and sl feelings for each other... like my dude literally gave his bf HIS EYES. and xy getting so attached to xxc .... the fucked up fake domesticity.... having him hurt sl..... then desperately trying to bring him back ...................... oof
song lan........... literally had his eyes AND tongue removed, his bfs eyes put in place, was almost killed, turned into a puppet by his bf unknowingly, manipulated by xy, sees his bf killing himself in despair.... and STILL finds the strenght to get up from there, and keep on traveling and helping people and attempting to fix xxcs soul.......... like, my man. damn. 
wangxian looking at songxiao and seeing an Actually more painful parallel for themselves. ft. that Color Coding. 
THE A-YUAN/SIZHUI REVEAL PUNCHED ME IN THE HEART but in a good way for a change
should have know that he would be the Best Boy the cute one w all the braincells
the butterfly AND the bunny lantern. i see how it is
u know is very convenient that no one can see the stark black veins on wen nings neck, ever 
BAT WEN NING 
wns face when lwj comes into wwx room like ‘:0 omg did u two finally get your shit together? good for you master wei good for u’ 
(they didnt) (yet)
DISASTER DRUNK LWJ. JUST. THRUST SOME CHICKENS TO SHOW UR RESSURECTED BAE THAT U LOVE THEM.
i have absolutely no idea WHY they gave lwj the same punishment for fighting his own sect/allies to protect the burial mounds as when they got drunk on cloud recess class days.... like? its such a ... emotional continuity error again
also is lwj gonna get an actual friend besides wwx , ever
mianmian marrying and having a family and a cute life after saying FUCK U AND UR SYSTEM TOO in a much less unhinged and dramatic way than wwx......... fills me w joy
also lol the idea that like. her husband not knowing that shes friends w satan/the boogey man/the village witch is hilarious
i love nie mingjue bc hes the resident Though Guy but also the most dramatic bitch in this show and thats Saying Something
jin ling cant have one uneventful relative can he
the fact that everyone present already knew “mo xuanyu” was wwx at the stairs is so funny, their faces are like ‘oh............ wow. that. sure is a development. shock” 
in the tradition of extremely loud whispers wwx tells lwj with twelve guards standing like one meter away from them: HEY PSH LAN ZHAN PRETEND IM FORCING YOU TO STAY W ME DO IT
oh my god oh my god
the absolute Yearning on his face when he leaves wwx and a-yuan at the burial mounds and refuses to stay for dinner was already Enough but the fact?? they brought it back?? to this declaration of love?? their expressions??????? strike me dead right now just go ahead
lFor Legal Reasons We Cant Kiss but we will have a very sappy declaration of love and trust and look at each other in way that is the actualization of 💞💘💗💖💓💘💞💗💖💘💗💖💕💞
also icb all the sect leaders and guards are standing there watching them say they like like each other with a dozen swords pointing at their neck
i enjoyed the depiction of the fickle public perception and how easily it can be used to scapegoat people. when the sect leaders turn on jgy and wwx knows thats its more for convenience than anything else...
poor lxc is literally like 'oh so when YOUR problematic boyfriend gets called evil its a misunderstanding but when its MY problematic bf-'
ok like i cant get over nmj let jgy play a song that messed with his temperament at all, like maN u KNEW he might be shady wth
wwx: “hey dont say anything bad abt lan zhan hes not an arrogant dick, thats just his face. 
ME ON THE OTHER HAND"
the cultivators as wwx is poking holes in their narrative is literally *nazarĂŠ meme*
"wei wuxian-!" "what did i break your leg, too?" not to be problematic but i laughed so hard
not as hard as "you dont have the rank to talk to me " tho
i Enjoy that, over the course of story, wwx sees that... theres nothing truly to Do, but move on. he saw how his arrogance and his mistakes hurt others, and hes trying to fix what he can, but he already did die for his mistakes and there are things he cant fix and that's. just how it is. even towards jgy, the narrative doesn't go gleefully and completely with "lets make THEM pay bc theyre the big bad" bc its not that simple, and it wouldn't lead anywhere but more pain...
re him and jiang cheng and the wens and kinda. isnt that what nhs did? scheming to displace jgy out of revenge more than any justice and doing so in the most painful way?
idk if that actually makes sense im truly just babbling
i thought the scene at the lotus pond would be CUTE but the context was PAIN again
jiang cheng finding out about his golden core and his conflict with wwx at the guanyin temple .... destroyed me but in a nice way kinda.... same way it destroys him look at his face oh god
and. the fact??? he sacrificed himself for wwx?? first?? and he'll probably never tell anyone much less wwx???? keeps me up at night
i havent decided if the neckbreak transition between jgy does sth super Evil or does he he does OR Does He yes he does O R does heeeee is sth i dislike or not
jin guangyao and wei wuxians most interesting parallel is that... theyve both seen 'hmm hey this system is fucked up' and wwx went 'so fuck it all i will renounce it and challenge it' and jgy went 'so fuck it i will use all of it to my advantage and manipulate it to my goals and whims'
the fact jgys mom was actually great and he loved her and his whole issue w it was more than simply being ashamed of being a bastard kinda got me ngl
never trust a dude with a fan.
nhs and jgy: the first rule to a convoluted and decades spanning violent revenge plot is to have fun and be yourself! 
when a-yuan finally FINALLY remembers ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; wen ning has someone in his family back and a-yuan has someone to talk abt his wen family and wwx has him back bc he survived and lwj raised him anD HES THEIR SON. THEYRE MARRIED AND HAVE A SON. UGH.
and theyre allowed to heal. everyone is allowed to try and recover and be happy
netflix put all of the 3 endings on top of each other and it looks kinda weird actually BUT I DONT EVEN MIND :’’’’’’’’’)
the gasp that left me when lwj says ‘wei ying’ and wwx turns.........
there was also a screen with ‘thank you mxtx for creating these characters, we hope their wishes come true’ and i might. have cried then too. maybe. 
that was . a ride. as is proven by this behemot of a ramble clearly i just really needed and Outlet. i am currently trying to convince dumb monkey brain to not consume the other medias of mdzs immediately bc i REALLY need to like. live. a life. and take care of real responsibilities.  *longest oh boi ever*
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kareofbears ¡ 4 years ago
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persona 5 strikers thoughts and feelings
This is going to be a long post. Like, the type of post you’d only really have time to read when you’re trying to sleep but you’re not ready to be unconscious yet so you’re just looking for something to do to spend your time with minimal effort. 
So in 2018, a masterpiece was born into the world: Into the Spider-verse was released and it was amazing—it’s honestly the best spiderman movie we have without a doubt, and it’ll be very far into the future before Spider-verse is beaten as the best spiderman movie. Them’s the facts. Then in 2019, Spider-man: Far From Home was dropped. It’s a great movie! Great characters, great continuation of who these characters are and works fantastic as a continuation of a story. It’s really hard trying to take the torch of a previous movie (or in Marvel’s case, juggling twenty something movies) and come up with a new movie that both works on its own, as well as being the next step in this series of films. Thus, with that idea in mind, I think it’s kind of unfair to judge into the spiderverse and far from home, because these are two movies with two completely different objectives in mind. 
Okay, so this is still a persona 5 strikers post, I promise, but the idea is the same: Persona 5 could basically do whatever it wanted—new story, new characters, new everything, and it’s just plain old awesome. However, Persona 5 strikers did not have that sort of freedom. It was bound to the original game, and it had its own rules and stuff it had to keep intact, characters they had to work with, and on top of that, it had to justify its existence as a sequel (lets pretend money doesnt exist lmfao). 
SO, the big question is: did it do that? Did it justify its existence? 
And my answer: holy fuck did it ever do that
I came into this game knowing the extreme bare minimum. I knew there was someone named Sophia, and i knew there was roadtrip, and i knew there were Personas. That’s my knowledge of it before i played it on the Switch.  I should also clarify like, early on, that i was not expecting anything from this game. At all. I was the world’s biggest cynic of this game—if you scroll down my p5s tag far enough, youll just see me complaining about a game that hasn’t even come out yet. I was fully expecting to have this be a Waifu show, and any male character that isn’t Akira to just be shoved aside like some kind of nerd in a high school hallway, and i have never been more pleased to be wrong. In fact, i actually owe it an apology, because of how fucking rude i was for no reason!!! Because this game deserves everything to be honest. 
Persona 5 strikers is, frankly, insane. Insane in the sense that it got to pull shit off that just would never have existed in the original game, because the original game is scared. It had to be as impressive as possible and garner as much attention as possible. Strikers does not have that problem—every single person who bought that game does not need to be convinced that persona 5 is a good game. They already played it. That means Atlus can just fuck around and have a good time, and man did they have a good time. There’s still scenes that still shock me if i think about it too hard, because i’m used to atlus having to follow this sort of rule set when it comes to persona 5 (or any of the main games im assuming, but i havent played them.) And on top of that, there’s still shit that’s Atlus Trademarked Branded in a good way. The style of story of story telling, and revealing the mystery that is so integral to what p5 is, is still there. 
So, to make this even a little bit comprehensible, i will make a list! 
First of all, What is this game?
In short, this game is an OVA of an anime. It’s bonus side content that has one thing in mind: to showcase these lovable characters more by putting them in fun situations. That’s it, and it is just phenomenal. That was the main point of, i’d say, like forty hours of the game. It’s just fun times with fun characters. 
But to get deeper of what i think is happening, or what they were thinking during the development, is that this is a second opportunity. Persona 5 (as we all know) had a lot of problems, and we were not quiet about those problems. We yelled it all out, made posts, made complaints on every social media platform ever. And Atlus heard all of them, and Strikers is a way to mitigate those mistakes. Aside from being a fun OVA, Strikers also works to be a deeper exploration of these characters—more specifically, the characters that did not receive much in the original game. Creating this sequel is having the ability to redo what they felt (or to be more specific, we felt) in the original game while adding new ones. I will get to that in a second.  
The format of the game 
Absolutely brilliant to throw them on a road trip. P5V already forced us to experience Shibuya for 200+ hours, and im so glad that they didn’t do that again. Going from town to town, making us experience these new places alongside our favorite characters is so good, and it just makes sense. It’s fun, it’s lighthearted, and it’s actually shockingly good. But one thing i do want to talk about early on is the way the story unfolds and the villains that they use, and what they do with it because it’s very interesting. 
So as we explore japan and stuff, we encounter jails, and with those jails comes an antagonist. This antagonist works to be a parallel to one of our characters. That character will find it in their hearts to feel bad for the antagonist, because the antagonist could have been them had the original game not happen. At first I thought all of the thieves were gonna get an antagonist, and i was really hyped for the ryuji one. And then came to hour forty of the game where i realized “yeah that’s not gonna happen. There’s just not enough time.” And i was right, and the game ended. But i am not salty at all, honestly, because the people who got a direct antagonist were: Ann, Yusuke, and Haru. (we wont count zen and sophie). 
Is there a trend??? Yes. these are all characters in the original game that have received the worst treatment by atlus. The three of them are basically cast aside the minute they finished their original arc, and its horrible! BUT that’s why this is the path that atlus chose for them—to give them more depth, and screentime, and a way to show their inner self. That isn’t to say that the ones who aren’t those three (makoto, futaba, mona, akira, ryuji) didn’t get anything. Futaba still has her thing at the end with ichinose, and she was very prevalent and animated during the rest of the game. Mona and Akira have to be a focal points, that’s just the nature of the game. The other two though, I will talk about in depth in a second.  
Makoto
Y’all i poke fun at shumako fans sometimes cause its kind of easy and fun, but i honestly love makoto. In my very first playthrough of p5 (my first ever jrpg game, first persona game, i had no idea what i was doing), i had only maxed out two characters: ryuji and makoto. And i know she had a lot of screentime and love in the original game which is great, but i truly felt like she was dissed in this game. Her only roles were
A driver
Someone to tell them “we don’t have a choice. Let’s keep going and see where this takes us.” (seriously, if you replay this game, you will see how much she does this)
Idk, i just wish she had more to do, especially compared to how much love they gave the other characters. 
But let’s talk about some of the new characters! 
Zenkichi
Damn you atlus. Damn you and your insistence at bringing in cop characters. I was fully on board with hating zenkichi, i was fucking ready for it. I was convinced that there was nothing they could do convince to like zenkichi. I was immune to their copaganda. 
And then i ended up loving him, which makes me sad a little bit. I didn’t realize how desperate i was to have an adult who has a persona. Someone who wants the world to change just as much as they do, while still having that aspect of them that makes them adult. Like??? As someone who is technically an adult, its a breath of fresh air. An adult. Who fights. For justice. Using a persona. And god i love akane so much, and her obsession with the thieves (that scene is probably in my top ten fave scenes of the game). Also what i loved about zenkichi is that he fucking hates the cops!! He hates the system of the cops!! And thats why i actually really started to love him!! Because i thought it was atlus saying that the systematic problem of the police cannot be solved by one person, and zenkichi threw away his badge. I actually cried at that part!! 
But then he became a cop again, and i was just :/ but as a character, i really love him to bits and would love to do a study on him, or at least use him as an outside pov. But! i absolutely love his persona, since im a les miserables fan hehe
Sophia 
she’s probably my favorite new aspect of the game. I was ready to not like her—again, i just suck like that, lmfao—and when i saw her, i was scared that she was just another waifu. I mean, she was very cute after all. But then as the game went on, i thought she was a little too cute. And even further into the game, i finally slapped myself in the face and realized oh my god shes not a waifu. Shes a sister. 
That blew my mind, im ngl to you. A female character that isn’t supposed to be romanced? By jove, what a miracle! 
And she…is an amazing character. Im sorry, i just love her so much. I love her so much that she  probably ranks as my fifth or sixth favorite character which is surprising even to me. Everything about her is delightful and invigorating. She’s funny??? Her comedic timing is amazing, and she has such chemistry with the rest of the team. She’s actually useful to the plot, and while her character design is a little too on the nose for me in terms of cuteness (i mean, good god she’s wearing oversized sweater to show how cute and tiny she is, and her hair has literal hearts in it), she is absolutely lovable. 
But what i actually really wanna gush about for a second is sophia at the last stage of the game. You get the idea, i dont really like to get excited over things, so at this point i figured that there was nothing this game could do to shock me. 
And then sophia had a persona awakening. 
Like. holy fuck did i yell. I didnt realize what was happening until the music had already kicked in. and its just so fucking smart!!! Sophia??? The ai?? With no heart?? gOT A PERSONA???? AWAKENING??? BECAUSE SHE LEARNED WHAT THE HEART IS AND THE PASSION THAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO GET A PERSONA??? I started crying honestly, because it was just so smart. And looking back on it now, its obvious!! Of course it would lead to this, it only made sense that the culmination of her character arc leads to her getting a persona, nothing else would have been as good. Also, her voice actor is just amazing?? When she was talking to ichinose at the end, i actually got incredibly emotional because of the line reads. Its just so spot on and it really captures the essence of sophia.
Muah. five stars Atlus. You got me. 
Ryuji <3!!!!
Oh man. Oh boy. Okay. so where do i start. 
Yall know i love him. Hes probably my favorite fictional male character of all time, and he is the one i was the absolute most cynical about in this game. I was expecting literally nothing. Nothing. Like. nothing. I thought he was just gonna keep being used as a joke, or a gag, and he’s gonna be super horny all the time for the other girls and it was gonna make me mad and there was gonna be some insane homophobic/queerphobic jokes in every other scene and i know i was being unfair, but i cant help it. 
And then i played the first two hours of the game, and i cried the entire time. Because ryuji has never been better than he is in this game. Its crazy. 
The ryuji in persona 5 strikers is who ryuji should have been/how he should have been treated this entire time. From the actual funny jokes (for example, the gold bar joke + his reaction to it in the beginning of the game), defending his female friends instead of being the one people need to defend from (natsume arc), and the fact that he was the one to be there with morgana and akira in the very beginning of the game. Its such a small thing that they didnt even need to do, but it was such an integral part of the original game for me, that i just was convinced that nothing like this was going to happen. But then it happened. Its just small stuff like that that could have been overlooked but it wasn’t because this game? Persona 5 strikers? Fucking loves ryuji. 
The actual respect they gave this boy is insane and i wasn't ready for it. Like, they gave the shujin trio lunch, they gave the little charm of the katana when they were in natsume’s jail, and, in my opinion this is the second-best thing that they could have given ryuji is sophia. Ryuji and sophia are the pinnacle of a brother & sister bonding relationship in the game that isn’t akira & futaba. And its really prevalent too?? Small stuff from the beginning of the game (pulling her out of a jail, calling her shorty), but then you have the iconic “shut the fuck up” scene, and that scene was so well characterized and written and voice acted, that somehow him saying “fuck” was the least exciting part of that scene to me. Ryuji is an older brother to her, like its undoubtable, and its only further cemented at the end of the game where Ryuji helps out ichinose because he knows how much sophia cares about her. This game. Love ryuji. And i love. This game. 
You know what else i love? Akiryu. 
Guys. i was fully prepared to starve in terms of akiryu. But theres just. So much of it. I wont get too deep into it, because i think this aspect of the game for me still needs marinate a little bit. Like, what was that last shot when EMMA died and Ryuji walked to approach Akira so they could relish in their victory together?? And the smile from both of them??? What the fuck. That was amazing. Also Joker being saved by Ryuji when he was about to fall from the cliff to save sophia??? WHAT. The LEADER AND HIS RIGHT HAND MAN? WHAT. anyway. If theres anything i want to keep for myself in my own brain, its the akiryu aspect of this game, so i wont talk too much about that part of things (instead, itll probably manifest in fic lmfaooo). 
Sure, there’s tidbits of stuff i dont like that they gave ryuji: sexualizing ann in that one cut scene and making him touch the jails even though it hurts, and i recognize those and frown at them, but for the most part, i am blown away with how they treated him.
Basically, Ryuji has never been better. From the opening of the game with him being the first text message and the one to sling his arm around akira, to the very last cut scene where it was ryuji wordlessly leaving because he’s so confident that they would never be separated for long, this game adores Ryuji and i am so so happy to say that.
The Royal aspect of things
Yeah, i had to talk about this, but itll be a short thing i just wanted to point out. Because the last part of this game...is persona 5 royal. Which is curious. Like taking reality and giving that power to someone else so you dont have to experience suffering anymore? And even like, the final section just looked a lot like the top half of maruki’s palace?? And whats even crazier is that we had a boss fight with sophia, just like how we had a boss fight with sumire? Royal and Strikers have like, the same thesis statement. It’s kind of uncanny.It’s interesting, it’s like atlus came up with these two ideas, and then just decided they liked both of them so much that they just did it twice. I don’t mind though—actually, in terms of how the last Palace/Jails go, i probably like them both about equally. 
Though i did love the final battle in this one more than i did in royal. Splitting into teams?? Thats cool as fuck, and really innovative and i didnt see it coming. It also kicked my ass. A lot. 
Now for the last stretch: the small stuff!
The music — bomb as fuck. In my heart, Daredevil is ranked the same as Rivers. Axe to grind is also amazing, but Daredevil owns me
Akechi — i really debated whether or not to talk about him, but i figured a bullet point should be enough. Im really shocked that he wasnt in this at all. Like not even a name drop. If this is an OVA, and the point of the game is to please the fans, and akechi is arguably the fan favorite character, i was really ready for something. But there was nothing, except for the pancake hallway if that even counts as a reference. Thats it. Thats all i wanted to say about him.
The humour — FUCKING HILARIOUS im convinced that in my fifty hour playtime, five of that is dedicated to me laughing and unable to continue the game 
Akira — so much personality! His lines of dialogue are crazy sometimes (like. Whats up with him saying Ryuji has ‘nice abs’ when they were in bath? Im crazy and even i dont know what the fuck that could mean) 
Battle system — oh my god i almost forgot to talk about this. I love it! I kind of miss the turn based aspect just because i found it very comforting for some reason, but this hack and slash style of gameplay is so invigorating because i do feel like it justifies shit like the baton pass and huge attacks.  This battle system fully encompases how the Phantom Thieves are supposed to fight, you know what i mean?
Anyway, thats my thoughts on strikers. Loved it. Amazing. 9.3/10, wouldve been higher but Konoe’s Jail almost bored me to death. Also im a monster and i didnt do any requests that isn’t a fun one, teehee. As if i play persona 5 for the persona aspect of things.
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horansqueen ¡ 4 years ago
Text
You & Me : chapter 44
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A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA
Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS
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CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43
NOTES:
-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.
READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE
- notes: okayyy so here it is. time passes quicker, and youll see itll be like that in the last few chapters too. i hope you like this one, i hope youll like the last few chapters. im a bit nervous so i hope it’s not too bad! oh yea and i used a manip someone made on instagram, just thought it was cool haha!
if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)
requests! : some requests i used here but ill only post them in the next chapter because i don’t want to spoil anything!
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TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE
Chapter 44 : Her chapter
OLIVIA
August 9th, 2018
That was it. We were done with an other season and I couldn't believe what we accomplished. What I accomplished. We had filmed the last scene two days ago, right on time for me to go see Niall perform in LA two nights in a row and the party organised to celebrate the end of this season was scheduled on the first night of his week off.  Everything seemed to fit perfectly together and I was happy. I was genuinely and truly happy.
"Did I tell you how much I missed you?" I heard my boyfriend whisper near my ear as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, making a shiver cross my whole body.
"Mm yes, about a million times in the past 3 days." I replied with a chuckle, tilting my head as he pressed his lips gently on my neck.
I had missed him so much too. We had spent over a month apart and just like I expected, we were even stronger than we were before and that said a lot. We had talked every single day on facetime but it was never the same than to be able to smell him, feel him, taste him... just seeing him face to face was different than on a screen and I had no idea how i'd be able to spend an other 5 weeks separated from him.
"Okay then, did I tell you how good you look tonight?"
I laughed again and turned around in his arms, tilting my chin up to look in his eyes. We were a bit farther from the others, slightly hiding by a part of the wall, and i licked my lips, hoping no one was paying attention to us.
"I'm literally wearing an old pair of jeans that shows how big my ass is and a plain t-shirt." I pointed out. "But thank you."
As if it was a suitable answer, his hands slid from my back to my butt and he squeezed it, making me laugh again.
"I love your ass."
"And in public too?" I asked with an amused smile, my eyebrows raised. "Are you drunk?"
He chuckled and bent down to kiss my lips and i let him, feeling his warm mouth move gently and slowly against mine. No matter how many times we kissed, it always felt amazing, and no one else tasted that good.
"We should go back to the others." I pointed out in a low voice. "They're gonna start wondering where we are."
"Mm, I don't care." he whispered against my lips, making me chuckle low.
"Come on." I just replied, finally taking a step back and tilting my head on the side. "We can cuddle tonight."
We walked back in the room hand in hand and I noticed Dylan looking at us. He sent me a small smile that I answered as I tried to ignore Heidi, sitting next to him. They had been dating for longer than I thought they would and I was wondering if he still thought everything he had told me about her the last time we discussed it. I really thought it was a good thing for him to be with someone else, I just thought it sucked that she was the one he had picked. Still, it was none of my business and I couldn't stop him from inviting her to this party. After all, it was his tv show too, and I owed him a lot. I was well aware that it was more popular because he was the male lead and I knew how lucky I was to act with him.
As soon as we sat down, Heidi and Dylan got up but she left to the other side of the room and he walked to us, sitting in front of my boyfriend. I didn't know if this was about to be awkward but before we could say anything, I heard my phone and frowned. I grabbed it quickly and excused myself, knowing it was even more awkward that I left my boyfriend and my ex boyfriend together.
"Hey Louis, you're calling at a very weird moment." I just said with a smile.
"That's me specialty, love." he let out as a joke, making me chuckle. "You mom tried to call you apparently, but she couldn't reach you so she called my phone. Sweet sweet lady with an incredibly strong accent. It always surprises me."
I rolled my eyes but a smile still drew itself on my lips. "What did she want?"
"She said it was not urgent but she wanted to talk to you, make sure you're not dead or something."
I raised my nose up. "Don't joke with that."
"Sorry love, I didn't mean to bring back... that memory." he apologized after a few seconds of silence. "She doesn't know though, does she?"
"No, only you, me, Niall, and I'm guessing El?"
"Olivia, I didn't tell that to anyone, not even El." Louis admitted, making me smile fondly. "This is no one's business but yours. I promise to keep that secret forever."
"Thank you, Lou." I whispered before swallowing.
I hated to remember that moment of weakness I had, even if I knew it was part of why I was who and where I was today. I really had to hit rock bottom to kick myself up and finally breathe again. If my relationship with Niall was so strong now, it was partly because I had worked on myself and although I knew I still had work to do, I was stronger than I used to be when I first dated Niall. Of course, swallowing all the pills I could find was not my smartest or strongest moment but I was trying to forgive myself.
"Oh you want to hug me right now don't you?" Louis joked, making me laugh through my tears. "I know you!"
I laughed and wipe my eyes quickly before licking my lips. "Yea, I drank a bit too so it doesn't help. I'll text you soon, Lou."
"You better. Love you, queen."
I smiled fondly at the nickname and closed my eyes. "Love you too."
I hung up and texted my mom quickly before going back to the table. Dylan was now sitting next to Niall and it made me frown. I knew they were both a bit tipsy and I didn't want anything bad to happen between them. Gladly, I knew Niall was not into confrontation and Dylan was quite laid-back too. Plus, he was probably over me by then and if they could just accept each other's company, it would be enough for me. I didn't expect them to become close friends, of course, but It would be nice if it wasn't awkward between them anymore.
"Oh and that small.. whimper or whisper she makes when you slip your hand in her panties." I heard Niall comment before Dylan chuckled.
"Right." he agreed, shaking his head gently. "And she's always so ready too."
A tiny part of me wanted to stay and listen to what they were going to say but the part of me that was angry was definitely bigger. I took a step closer but held my breath when Dylan started talking again.
"Let's say it's different than Heidi."
"No man, I ain't going there." Niall laughed while shaking his head before taking a sip of his beer.
"No, I mean, Heidi is very sexy but it's that... that connection, you know?" I frowned and my lips parted when Niall laughed again.
"I don't want to hear about the 'connection' you had with my girlfriend, O'Brien." he pointed out, turning his almost empty beer with his fingers.
"No yea, I know. I just mean that... it's different when you love someone."
"Are you two really comparing how Heidi and I are in bed?"
Both of them jumped so high I thought they were about to fall off their chairs. I wanted to look at their reaction but I decided to focus on my boyfriend and when he turned around, his face changed and I could read fear in his eyes. I crossed my arms on my chest and shook my head, licking my lips.
"That's fucking disgusting. I don't deserve that, and Heidi doesn't either."
This time, I read surprise in Niall's eyes and glanced at Dylan who seemed as shocked as my boyfriend. Oh I still didn't like Heidi, but that didn't mean it was okay for them to discuss about how she was in bed.
"Just because both of you had the chance to fuck us both doesn't give you the right to share gossips about us." I pressed my lips together, trying to keep my anger inside and breathed in deeply. "That's fucking wrong."
I turned on my heels and left before I stopped and turned around again to look at them. "I'm mad at you both, by the way, if that wasn't clear enough."
I walked quickly to my dressing room and closed the door before holding myself against the counter, closing my eyes. I was torn between being mad that they could easily talk about me like that and being relieved that they could actually talk to each other without it being awkward. After a few minutes, I heard a knock at the door and thinking it was probably one of them, I swung the door open but my face changed when I noticed my assistant. My lips curled and I raised my eyebrows a bit surprised.
"You left quickly, are you okay?" she asked, concern written all over her face.
I made a quick head movement to incite her to walk in and closed the door behind her before we both sat down, her on the couch and me on a chair. Tinka was fairly new since my old assistant had to leave due to a pregnancy and we immediately bounded. She was gorgeous and I had to admit I was a bit jealous of her, not only for her looks but also for the way she attracted people easily and all that charisma she had probably inherited at birth, but at the same time, I felt connected to her too and I could never hate her.
"Okay so, I wanted to show you something. I mean at first I was not sure if I should, because I shouldn't have filmed it in first place, but..." she blabbed nervously before shaking her head. "I'll just show you."
She took her phone and clicked on a few things before handing it to me. I frowned, taking it cautiously before noticing she was showing me a video. I clicked on play and my eyes got bigger when I noticed Niall, sitting at the cafeteria as Heidi sat down in front of him. The first part of the conversation was hard to hear but Niall seemed confused and when she handed him a sheet of paper, I frowned again. He stared at what was written on it and finally, she put her hand on top of his and I felt my heart jump high in my throat. The second part of the conversation though, I heard it very clearly.
“You’re right. We should get back together, Niall.” Heidi said with a soft voice. “I mean, I know you’re trying to make me jealous with her but let’s be real. Who could really be jealous of her?"
This time, my heart sank in my chest and I swallowed hard. I was worth more than Heidi gave me credits for, I knew it now, but I also knew she would never see it. Perhaps, she was too busy trying to win Niall back.
“Do you even listen to yourself? You know damn well I’m with Liv and.. aren’t you with Dylan? I love her, okay! I’m not trying to make anyone jealous, I’m just trying to love her the way she deserves to be loved… the way I failed to love her the first time. And you have nothing to do with any of this. What even makes you think I want to be with you?"
I bit my bottom lip, breathing in deeply again and trying to suppress a small smile of relief when I heard my boyfriend's words. The fact that he admitted that he failed to love me right the first time made something stir in my stomach. I knew that failed relationship was not just on him, but it was nice to hear him admit that, especially to someone else.
“Because of that song! You wrote it for me and put it in one of my boxes for me to find!” she argued with him.
I saw Niall roll his eyes and his next words were as harsh as the tone he had used.
“I wrote this about Olivia! I wrote that in the first week I saw her again at the bakery after not seeing her for over a year. It isn’t about you, Heidi. It got in one of your boxes by mistake!” he let out rudely. “I love Olivia, not you. You need to let it go, okay? And those instagram posts you make.. For fuck’s sake, Heidi! What’s the point? Make me feel bad? Alright, I’m sorry I cheated on you, I should have broken up with you before and that was a mistake, okay? Now please, leave me the fuck alone.”
The video stopped but I still stared at the screen, lost in my thoughts, until Tinka talked again.
"I don't know why i recorded this, and I know I shouldn't have, I'm sorry." she apologized again. "But it was recorded anyway so I mean, why not show it to you?"
I just stared at the thumbnail of the video again before clicking on the 'delete' button and when it asked me if I was sure, I clicked on 'yes' without hesitation.
"Thanks, Tinka. I deleted it." I finally said, looking up at her before she nodded. "But thank you for showing me. Just... don't do that again, please. Niall and I we're both very... private."
I handed her her phone back just as an other knock was heard at the door. We both got up and I opened the door as she walked past Niall. He nodded at her and finally turned back to me, his hands in his pockets. I couldn't help but tilt my head, glancing down at him, telling myself once again how good he looked. I also couldn't stop thinking about the way he had told Heidi he loved me and it made me want to hug him.
"Olivia, I'm.. so sorry."
I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrows, expecting more than just a simple apology.
"You're right. It was so wrong, and we shouldn't have." he added, making me lick my lips. "We were literally trying to find something to talk about, and it was so awkward... the only thing we really have in common is you. But we shouldn't have."
I let my shoulders fall and sighed, raising my nose up in a grimace. "So I really make some sort of whimper when you slip your hand in my panties?"
He chuckled and took one of his hands out of his pocket to pass it in his hair. "Yea, you do. But I'm slightly jealous knowing you also whimper like that when he did it. I thought I was special."
"Oh, poor little boy thought he was special." I joked, making him grimace too. "Come here."
I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him inside before closing the door behind him. He was close to me, so close I could feel the warmth of his body close to mine, and when my ass met the counter, I smiled more. He chuckled as he stared down in my eyes and shook his head slightly.
"Do you forgive me?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Mm, maybe."
I felt his hand slip in my jeans and panties and my eyes fluttered slightly as my lips parted as I let lout a whimper despite myself.
"And now?" he asked, clearly amused by the effect he had on me.
"I'll tell you in a few minutes." I whispered, tilting my chin up to look at him better.
I felt two of his fingers brush gently on my clit before he slipped them inside me. I moved one of my legs up on the counter and he moved closer to me, bending down slightly until his lips were only a few inches away from mine.
"You're all mine, yea?" he whispered, making me bite my bottom lip. "Say it."
"Mm, I'm all yours Niall." I breathed out, blinking a few times. "I belong to you."
"Fuck yes you do."
He started fingering me quickly, making sure his palm was rubbing against my clit and when I felt an orgasm spread all over my body, I let my head fall back and shook slightly as he pressed his mouth against mine. I could feel his lips curl as I came and I finally got down from my high, whimpering low and wrapping my arms around his neck.
"Okay, I forgive you." I whispered, kissing him deeply for a few seconds before moving my head slightly back. "Do you think that's how Dylan will want to be forgiven too?"
I laughed lightly at the face he made and I heard him groan low. "I'll kill him."
I shook my head a bit and my amused smile turned into a fond one. "You know, I never ever moaned his name." I admitted, licking my lips. "I only do that with you."
He looked happy with my confession but he still raised his eyebrows. "Why?"
"Because... I was always scared I'd moan your name instead."
His face changed and somehow, I could read love in his eyes and it made me swallow hard. He remained silent and my lips parted again.
"I've never stopped loving you, Niall." I murmured. "I told you."
"Guess what, Olivia?" he let out in a soft tone, his eyes roaming quickly on my face. "I never stopped loving you either."
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                                                      ----
August 15th, 2018
Dylan had stopped me before I left and had apologized to me profusely. He even texted me the next day to apologize again and I forgave him immediately. Maybe it was because I felt a bit guilty for not telling him about the video Tinka had showed me where his girlfriend was blatantly trying to get back with my boyfriend, but It was easy to forgive him and I knew he felt horrible about it. I was still unsure if I should tell him and at the same time, I didn't want to be the reason of their break-up, or even of a fight so I deciced to ignore it for now but that didn't stop me from feeling bad.
It was almost time for Niall to go back on tour and I felt extremely nervous about it. It had taken me about a week to decide on what I would do. I wanted to go with him but at the same time, I didn't want to be the clingy girlfriend who followed him everywhere. With time, I realized that I could follow him without going back to my old habits but I still had no idea how to tell him. He hadn't mentioned it again, probably because he didn't want to sound pushy or make me feel like I had to follow him, but my insecurity sometimes tried to make me believe it was because he didn't really want to spend so long with me.
"Why did you want me to come with you, Louis?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and turning to him as he was parking. "You know it's one of my last few days with Niall."
Louis laughed and shook his head, turning to me to look in my eyes.
"We both know you're gonna follow him on tour, Liv. Who are you trying to fool?" he said, his accent thick. "You can spend a few hours with your best friend, can't ya?"
I felt my heart skip a beat at how well Louis knew me, sometimes even better than I knew myself, and I realized that I had opened up to him like I had never opened up with anyone else besides Niall. And I didn't regret it at all.
"Yes. You're right."
"Look," he started again, turning on his seat to look at me. "I have something for you."
He searched through his pockets and handed me a well-folded piece of paper, which was surprising. Normally, anything that ended up in Louis' pocket was crumpled or crushed. I frowned a bit and took it before unfolding it gently and carefully.
"I drew it meself. Took me hours."
My lips parted as I looked at the drawing of a crown. It was pretty and he clearly had put a lot of effort into it. It was not perfect, but I thought that's what made it look even more special.
"Wow, Louis... this is..."
"I made it for you." he cut me gently. "If you wanted to get a tattoo, that is. It represents you well, don't ya think?"
I looked up in his eyes and weirdly, I could read stress, like he was not sure how i'd react. The fact that Louis always called me his queen, and that he had even written a song about me with that word made this drawing even more important for me and as soon as his eyes met mine, I knew it would be impossible for me not to get this tattoo.
"I think it represents you, actually." I explained, tilting my head and looking at him. "This tattoo will always remind me of you, and I want you to know that you're important to me, Louis. I would be dead without you. Literally."
His lips curled slightly on the right and stress disappeared from his traits.
"Now you need to draw something for me to get, too." he pointed out.
"Wait, so we're here to get you a tattoo that I would draw?" I asked as  his smile turned into a smirk.
"Exactly."
"Can it be simple? I can't draw for shit." I admitted with a grimace.
"Just draw it, give it to the artist, and I'll look at it when it's done."
I stared at him for a few seconds, feeling my heartbeats accelerate and after a while, I breathed in and out. After all, if he didn't like it, he could always get something over it, right?
It took half an hour to get the crown tattooed on my ankle but only about 10 minutes to get the smiley I had drawn for Louis. It was pretty simple with x's instead of eyes and since it was on his wrist, he kept his eyes closed the whole time to make sure it wouldn't ruin the surprise. We walked back to his car in silence about an hour later and sat down, both of us leaning against our seats.
"Is it too simple?" I asked before he turning his head my way with a smile.
"No, it's perfect."
I smiled back at him and held my hand up between us. It took him a few seconds but he finally grabbed it, intertwining his fingers with mine and squeezing my hand.
"Thank you for saving my life." I let out in a soft voice. "Literally, but also metaphorically."
"You saved mine, too."
                                                       ---
When I walked back in Niall's house... I mean, in our house... I heard him talk and frowned, trying to be quiet in case he was on the phone. I saw him in front of his laptop, just talking to the screen and it took me a few minutes to realize he was probably on a live chat on instagram. I made sure to remain silent and walked to the kitchen to gt myself a glass of wine and leaned against the counter. I listened to what he was saying from the living room, smiling and chuckling from time to time until I heard him say his goodbyes. I wanted an other minute or two, knowing Niall was the kind of person who said bye by stayed an other half an hour with his hand on the doorknob before actually leaving and when I joined him in the living room, he was getting up.
"Are you done?"
"Yes, sorry, I thought it would take you longer." he apologized, making me smile.
"No, it's all good, it's cool that you do lives for your fans." I just shrugged, joining him near the couch. "Your such a good person."
He smiled more and took the glass from my hands before placing it on the coffee table. I chuckled and he wrapped his arms around my waist, raising his eyebrows.
"And does that turn you on?"
I laughed some more. "Maybe."
He didn't answer anything. Instead, he pressed his lips against mine as his arms pulled me even closer. My eyes fluttered close as he deepened the kiss and I sighed low, feeling my body relax in his arms.
"I'm gonna miss you so much." he whispered before kissing me some more,
"I'll miss you more."
He stepped forward, forcing me to take a step back, and guided us around the couch and until the hall. I ended up hitting my back on the wall and I laughed against his lips.
"Clumsy ass." he said in the same amused tone he always said it. "I love you."
We finally ended up in our room and he closed the door with one of his feet, bringing me to the bed and quickly putting himself on top of me. I loved the feeling of his body over mine, warming me, and it always surprised me that every time, it would make a shiver cross my back. I shivered in his arms and he pulled away slightly to look in my eyes.
"How about we stay locked here until I have to take that fucking stupid plane?"
I raised my eyebrows and my lips parted before I tilted my chin up. "Don't you have somewhere to be tomorrow?"
"I canceled." he admitted, his eyes dropping to my lips before he ground his hips against mine, probably without thinking.
"For me?" I asked with a small smile.
"For us."
I brought my hands to his cheeks and let one of my thumbs brush on his bottom lip. "How many times are you gonna make love to me until you leave?"
His lips curled again and he chuckled low. "As many times as I can."
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thenovelartist ¡ 4 years ago
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hey i know you love Age Matters (and i do too of course) so what do you think of their interactions and the second season? also i love your age matters fics and i always go to reread them do you think youll ever write another one (when your health permits ofc)
I do love Age Matters.and I probably will find myself writing another one at some point in time. Don’t know when, but I feel like, considering my love for this comic, another fanfiction is almost inevitable.
As for my thoughts on this season! I will place them under the cut for spoiler reasons. (as well as keeping this post nice and short) ;)
Firstly, we should talk about Rose and Daniel. Things very clearly changed between them with the last episode of the first season. I think it’s interesting just how uncomfortable Rose is with this change. Not that she’s uncomfortable with Daniel as a person or even so much his feelings towards her, per se, but with her feelings towards romance in general. I’m growing more and more interested in her full backstory and everything that happened. Was she looking for a romance just because she felt like that’s what she is supposed to do and she was falling behind in everything else, or because she actually truly loved her ex, or a mix of both. And now that she’s had time to reflect on these things as well as still feeling like she’d behind in life and not able to catch up in anything she was “supposed” to do, I’m very interested in how she responds to Daniel’s feelings since there’s a lot that she has to think about and process. She might have to take it slow to heal a bit before starting something up with him, or she might turn him down completely because she feels like she’s not worthy or that it’s too late for her or something along those lines.
Speaking of Daniel, we’ve seen enough of his backstory referenced to realize he’s very shy, probably more insecure than he lets on, and doesn’t have a lot of good, close relationships with people he can trust. So to see that he likes Rosie and leans on her so heavily is really sweet and heart-wrenching knowing he’s really putting himself out there because he trusts her and likes her that much. I like watching him try to navigate his feelings and acting on them to do even little things like gather the courage to ask her out.
Dylan and Skye: I love seeing these two together because they’re really precious together and you can see how close they are. Dylan is in the mix of so much with his reputation on the line as well as having to be the main provider and caretaker of Skye, who I’m 90% sure was being abused. The whole “oh, he just fell” thing was enough to send up a red flag, and now there’s been too much (as well as references in the first season with Dylan wanting to take care of Skye but needing more money to do so) to not think they came from a bad home life. So with THAT in mind, that adds another layer of drama/trauma for Dylan and Skye. I just want those two to be happy and okay.
Ruby: Wow, she really went from a cold, stand-offish bitch when we met her last season to someone who is just blunt and somewhat cautious due to her circumstances but a lot more likeable a character. We got to see more of the softer side of Ruby and I LOVE this development.
What I don’t like, though, is this Ruby/Pom ship. I get what the author is trying to do with it, having it be a reverse of the “cold-hearted business man with his bubbly wife” trope, but when in this context, it doesn’t come off that way to me. Personally, I think Ruby would eat Pom alive, being way too strong of a character for him to fully stand up to. Mind you, I’m in no way, shape, or form dissing Ruby or her personality here. I like Ruby a lot and want her to be with a character that could better balance her out and stand on more equal footing with her, and I just can’t see what Pom could bring into her life/their relationship beyond being cute (Pommie just doesn’t have enough character development yet to prove that to me.) I feel like a Ruby and Pom relationship would be more akin to shipping Ruby with a literal Pomeranian, and I never liked relationships with severe power imbalances (aka, the one who runs the relationship and the one who’s a doormat) and so, I want better for both Ruby and Pom.
Next, Dylan and Ruby. There is backstory there and I want to know what it is! Ruby doesn’t want him in her company, but doesn’t want to leave him out in the cold. And Dylan made a comment of “You don’t remember” and so I’m very curious! (This is curiosity is heightened because I do ship Dylan and Ruby. I think they’d be more interesting together than Ruby and Pom because Dylan has a strong enough personality to able to stand up to Ruby’s harsh side yet he’s quirky enough to bring some joy to her life and soften out Ruby’s harsher edges. Their relationship is still “not traditional” with Ruby being both older and the breadwinner and probably top-dog in the relationship most of the time, but Dylan would still be able to bring his own spin and perspective into the relationship whereas I can’t see it with Pommie. Soooo, I’m just going to happily be in the minority over here with my Ruby/Dylan ship you won’t be able to pry away from me.)
What else has been going on... OH! I like the introduction of Rosie’s brother. I’ll be interested to see more of him as well as more of him and Rosie interacting together. I’ll also be interested to see what other insight/backstory he brings to the story. :D
That’s all my thoughts on the second season for now. :D
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hermannsthumb ¡ 5 years ago
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sorry to add to your mountain of asks but pls listen to this concept: newt feeling like he is most intellectually ~inspired~ when he's getting fucked so he drafts all his letters to hermann while riding a dildo and then has to edit them afterwards bc they always turn out ridiculously amorous.
OK THIS LIKE. SENT ME ON A LITTLE BIT OF A SPIRAL AND GAVE ME A FIC IDEA. its like. tangentially related to ur ask. youll see what i mean. anyway 18+ below cut
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Hermann’s in pajamas when he answers the door, full on, blue-and-white striped pajamas with a dressing gown thrown over, not the boxers and holey t-shirts Newt usually goes for on the rare occasions he decides to not just pass out nude. They’re pretty cute. Newt always imagined Hermann as a nightshirt and nightcap guy, like something from illustrated Dickens, so it’s a nice surprise. A nice, cute surprise. (The dressing gown is not a surprise.) Maybe he should tell Hermann he looks cute. Might butter him up a little bit. He’s scowling and glaring at Newt in a way that screams I’m going to beat you to death with my cane if you don’t leave right now, so he could definitely use a little buttering up.
“It’s two in the morning,” Hermann says.
“You look cute,” Newt says. “New haircut? 
“Newton,” Hermann says.
“Here’s the thing,” Newt says. His face grows warm, instinctively, for what he’s about to ask. “Okay. Hermann. Dude. Dr. Gottlieb. Herr Doktor. I need a favor.”
“At two in the morning?” Hermann says.
“You know me,” Newt says. “Can’t sleep ‘til I’ve worked out every last problem. And I’m stumped, buddy. This one’s really got me. And usually I--well--usually I have a method, but it’s just not working tonight.”
“I don’t have any drugs,” Hermann says, “if that’s what you’re referring to. Goodnight, Newton.”
He makes to close the door. “No!” Newt shouts, flinging his hand out and stopping him. Hermann narrows his eyes. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean?” Hermann says. “You’re being awfully cryptic.”
“Can I ride your dick?” Newt says.
The door slams right in Newt’s face.
Newt knocks eleven more times. “Hermann. Hermann. Come onnnnnn.”
Hermann is red-faced and twice as furious as before when the door swings open this time. “I don’t appreciate being mocked, Newton, so if you’d kindly just--”
“Hermann,” Newt says. “Honestly. I’m serious. Not mocking you. I usually use dildos, but tonight, it’s just--” He sighs in frustration. And in mild embarrassment. This is Hermann, after all, that he’s spilling his most intimate secrets to. Technically Hermann counts as his best friend, which should make it less weird, but that’s only because he’s Newt’s only friend, so Newt’s pretty sure that goes right back to making it weird, and that’s not even considering the fact that Newt wants to do disgusting romantic things with the guy. But Newt’s stumped. He really is. He’s never been this stumped. Usually he’s good to go after working a dildo into himself (suction cup base, works great on the shitty plastic desk chairs they have in the lab, PPDC won’t even relent and get them adjustable ones) and riding it for a bit, maybe one of the bigger or more--well--out there ones for tougher problems, and it’s always worked, tried and true for over a decade, but he’s tried everything from the tentacle to his favorite vibe tonight and he’s still got a hunk of kaiju stomach on his workbench and half a fucking report to fill out and no inspiration.
Who else was he supposed to go to, really? 
Besides. Win-win. Newt gets inspired, Hermann gets laid. And he knows Hermann doesn’t get laid enough to turn down the offer. Even now, Hermann’s eyes are widening, his angry flush receding, his posture shifting ever-so-slightly to lean towards Newt. He’s interested. Newt knows he is. (No guy who spends that much time staring at Newt’s ass in a work environment wouldn’t be.)
"It’ll be fast,” Newt promises. “You’d really be helping me out.”
Hermann’s tongue darts out across his lower lip. “Helping you out,” he echoes faintly. For a moment, Newt’s worried he might keel over in shock. He parts the door wider instead. "I suppose,” he says, “ah, I suppose--all in the name of, er, scientific progress. Research partners. It’d be remiss of me--to--”
“Not fuck me,” Newt offers, helpfully.
“Jolly good,” Hermann says, as faintly as before. “Right-o. In you come, then, Newton.”
Newt flashes him a broad smile, already shucking off his button-up. 
“Is there any particular reason you’re recording this?” Hermann says.
“I can’t really write it down, can I?” Newt says. “Be kinda fucking hard. Nn. Ah. Ah! That’s good. Tissue isn’t decaying at all. Not like it should.”
“Pardon?”
“Hermann, please,” Newt says, “I’m working.”
He lifts his leg up just a bit higher, propping it up on Hermann’s headboard, and sinks down just a bit lower. Hermann’s got a nice dick, it turns out, and it’s working spectacularly, even if he’s not doing much besides knead at Newt’s pecs and occasionally grunt. He looks a little overwhelmed, actually. “This is nice,” Newt says. As an afterthought, he clenches around Hermann.
Hermann lets out a funny-sounding moan. 
“You know,” Newt gasps, “this is how I used to write letters to you. Dildo up my ass, I mean. More inspiration. God, I wanted to impress you so fucking bad.” He wanted flat-out wanted Hermann so fucking bad, in all honestly, and a lot of that would spill over into his drafts. You’re so smart, Hermann, you’re so good at math, look at this thing I did, Hermann, tell me I’m good, I want you to screw my brains out, Hermann, I want you to shove your tongue down my throat and your fingers up my ass while you recite lines of jaeger code, yours truly, your pal Newt. Made for some embarrassing proofreading.
Hermann’s eyes widen. He likes that idea, Newt guesses. Of course he does. “Ah. By Jove--”
“By Jove,” Newt echoes in a wheeze of laughter, forgetting all about the stupid kaiju stomach. (How can he be expected to care about that when he’s got Hermann Gottlieb naked and blushing and saying things like by Jove! beneath him?) “Goddamn, Hermann, you’re cute.” In a fit of cloudy, horny affection, he reaches out and boops the end of Hermann’s nose. Hermann wrinkles it. “Splendid work, old sport. Absolutely spiffing.”
“Don’t,” Hermann pants, thrusting his hips up sharply, “ah, don’t call me that.”
“Old sport?” Newt says. “Would you prefer good sir?”
“Aren’t you meant to be working?” Hermann says.
Newt hums in thought. “I am,” he says. “Huh.” Maybe he needs a little more. Another tiny little boost. Hermann’s (thankfully) not a dildo, after all, and he can do things that dildos can’t do, like squeeze Newt and kiss Newt. Newt’s not taking full advantage. “Can you kneel?”
Hermann can kneel. They switch positions: Newt on all fours, ass up high, face smashed into Hermann’s pillow, Hermann draped over his back and plowing him from behind. He’s really into it. “Oh, Newton,” Hermann breathes in his ear, tweaking his nipples, taking handfuls of the chub at his sides and pulling and squeezing, “you feel lovely, you feel--” The rest of the sentence is swallowed up in a deep, guttural moan.
“Mmph?” Newt says. He manages to lift his head a little and spit the pillow out of his mouth. “Can you spank me?”
Hermann’s hips stutter to a halt; his fingers fall from Newt’s nipple. “Can I what?”
Newt clears his throat so he can properly mock Hermann’s accent. “Would you be so inclined to spank me, my good sir?” He thinks it might be the little boost he needs--Hermann’s big hands coming down, hard, on his ass, turning the cheeks red, until it’s stinging and Newt’s eyes are watering and he can hardly handle it. “Punish me for not washing my mug yesterday or something, I don’t know, man, I’m not--”
Hermann’s hand lands, hard and cold, on Newt’s left asscheek, and Newt startles. “Okay! Wow!” Another on his right. Hermann resumes fucking him.
“You masturbate in our laboratory when I’ve gone to bed?” Hermann says. He hitches Newt’s ass up a little higher and smacks it again. Newt yelps. Hermann’s hand retreats. “Oh, Newton, this doesn’t--did I hurt you?”
“Yes,” Newt says, “and no.”
“It does hurt?”
“It doesn’t,” Newt says. His recorder is lying, uselessly, next to his head, where his glasses are also resting after having slipped off some time ago. The most he’s managed to get out is gibberish. Honestly, Newt doesn’t give a shit at this point. “Hermann, I’m fine, okay?”
“But you do masturbate in--?”
“It’s kinda hot,” Newt admits, “knowing that you could just, I don’t know, walk in at any second. ‘N like I said. It’s. Uh.” Hermann’s grabbed a handful of his ass, this time, and is kneading at it as enthusiastically as he had Newt’s love handles. “It’s inspirational. Guh.”
Hermann’s chest pressing against the length of his back, his mouth at Newt’s ear. Newt shivers. For a guy as dorky and dweeby as Hermann, he sure does know how to be unfathomably sexy--Newt might be falling a little bit more in love with him. “If this is the sort of thing you’d need a lot,” Hermann says, “you know, Newton--we are, er, research partners. I wouldn’t be adverse to--to helping. So to speak.”
“How selfless of you.” Newt grins into the mattress. 
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wisherbysharlight ¡ 4 years ago
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Look Into Your Eyes, and The Sky’s The Limit
Word Count: 1226
Pairing: Royality
The first in a series of different pairings being capital O Oblivious because that’s a trope I will never ever get tired of.
Roman and Patton have been roommates and best friends for years and have a habit of trying to see who can flirtatiously fluster the other one more. Neither wants to admit it’s more than a joke. Their friends are a little sick of it.
Warnings: a tiny bit of Remus being Remus, drinking games, and a blink-and-youll-miss-it ref to underage drinking(everyone is of age in this story)
AO3 Link
“Honey bunches! I’m home from class! Whatever you’re cooking smells absolutely scrumptious!” Patton hollered into the apartment, to an immediate chorus of groans from Remus, Virgil, Janus, Remy, Emile, and Logan on the couches. He flushed a little bit but didn’t take it back, “Oh hey guys! Didn’t know you’d be over today!”
“Wouldn’t’ve changed your ridiculous mating rituals,” Janus grumbled with an eyeroll, and Patton dashed to the kitchen so they wouldn’t see his blush go darker. He saw Roman focused entirely on browning the sides of a steak in a pan, just the way Patton liked it, and couldn’t help sidling up behind him and wrapping his arms around his roommate’s waist.
“Well hello there,” Roman teased, relaxing into the hold, but hands never stopping.
It would be so easy for Patton to just lean in and… no. Bad Patton. Cuddling, pet names, even crawling into bed together was one thing, but kissing was a line that they’d never crossed. Roman was just affectionate, flirty to a fault, he didn’t like him like that. Repress, repress, repress, stick to what’s safe.“Hi there, handsome! You coulda warned me you had everyone coming over!”
Even though he couldn’t really see it, Patton could feel Roman roll his eyes, “Oh they didn’t tell me, just showed up all together and informed me that since it was a long weekend we were having a game night. They’re lucky I had the stuff for tacos. You’re the only one getting the good steak ones though. The rest can deal with chop meat.” He turned so Patton could see him wink.
Patton giggled, flustered, and squeezed a bit tighter in thanks before letting go despite every instinct in his body screaming at him not to. “You are a prince among men, Roman Diaz,” he enthused, and delighted in the slight flush that appeared only on the back of Roman’s neck.
“I only give you what you deserve, sweetheart, and that just happens to be everything you want and more,” Roman fired back, and Patton squeaked a bit before turning tail to head to the living room and wait with his friends for dinner. Roman didn’t like anyone getting in the way of his creative vision in the kitchen, something they had all learned the hard way many times.
Roman truly didn’t know how much longer he could handle this game they played, pretending to pretend he was flirting when he truly wanted nothing more than for it to be real. On one hand, he adored the years of attention, touches, and cheesy lines, but on the other he would never, ever get over his best friend if they continued on the way they were. God, he wanted him so bad. He wanted to kiss him breathless for no reason other than he could, he wanted to wake up next to him every morning and make him coffee and bring it to bed for him so he didn’t ever have to leave his cocoon of blankets, he wanted to take him out for fancy dinners so they’d have an excuse to get dressed up, he truly meant it when he said he wanted to give him everything he possibly could. For now, though, he’d settle for just giving him good food that made him light up at the end of a long day.
——————————————————————————————————————–
“Never have I ever drank blood,” Remus crowed, looking around excitedly as though anyone would drink. Everyone stared blankly back at him, knowing better than to engage. He pouted, took a sip from his own cup, then gestured for Patton to go.
“Never have I ever dyed my hair,” Patton announced, breaking the tension easily, and everyone else in the circle groaned as they sipped from their respective drinks.
Roman flicked him lightly on his ear, having easy access while Patton had his head in his lap, and Patton stuck his tongue out in return, just the slightest bit tipsy. They were all sprawled out in the living room, air mattresses preemptively blown up before the booze had even come out, a tradition formed when Virgil had ended up sleeping on a flat mattress when he couldn’t figure out how outlets worked at 2am after a bottle of wine his freshman year.
Logan went next, leaning back against Virgil with his feet shoved under Remus, “Never have I ever participated in any way other than attendance to a theater production.” The rest of them raised their glasses in cheers and took large gulps, priding themselves on their mutual theater-kid-ness.
Roman grinned, hand stalling where it was combing through Patton’s hair, and Patton squinted at him suspiciously, “Well since we appear to be taking cheap shots, never have I ever attended a college course. Drink up nerds, trade school for the win .”
Patton swatted him on the thigh as he took a sip with everyone else, which made Roman poke him in the side, which made Patton squeal and jab him in the stomach before curling further into Roman’s lap to protect himself, which then made Roman’s expression go even softer and Remy, further gone than any of them due to the combination of having a much stronger drink and being frequent victim of targeting, set his drink down and covered his face dramatically as he called out, “Never have I ever fallen for my roommate.” The room went quiet instantly, Patton and Roman giving him identical betrayed looks as in the background Virgil, Remus, and Janus all gave him thumbs ups in solidarity, while Logan and Emile were entirely focused on the roommates. Remy tilted his glasses and stared them both down, unflinching, “Targeting was fair game. We are all sick of the two of you dancing around each other. If neither of you are gonna do anything about it, I will. Drink bitches.” The plurality seemed to shock Patton and Roman both into looking at each other, then back to Remy, then back to each other, still gaping.
Then, ever so slowly, fueled by the little bit of liquid courage in his system, Patton raised his cup and took a sip, not breaking eye contact the entire time. Roman read his expression and carefully took the cup out of his hand and also took a sip from it before setting it down to the side with his own, putting both his hands on either side of Patton’s face, and pulling him up to kiss him deeply. Patton flailed a little, not sure what to do with his own hands, before finally gripping tight to Roman’s shoulders like he never wanted to let go (fitting, since he didn’t). They only broke apart nearly a minute later when someone wolf-whistled (Roman knew it was his brother, he was going to kill Remus one of these days, he truly was).
“Hey handsome,” Patton breathed, shifting and sitting up to wrap his arms around Roman’s neck.
“Hello, sweetheart,” Roman breathed back, stroking his thumbs over Patton’s cheekbones.
The next morning, Roman made sure to get up early to make coffee just the way Patton liked it and bring it back to the couch they’d claimed, and even his friends’ hungover, teasing complaints that they wanted coffee too couldn’t bring his absolute elation down as Patton pressed a grateful, hazelnut-flavored kiss to his lips and pulled him back down to snuggle.
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fiftyshadesgrl ¡ 5 years ago
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He saved me/ part 5
Summary: reader is in a abusive relationship. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.
Warning: this story will have smut, violence, abuse, torture, language, and kidnapping. If youre triggered by any of this i suggest not to read.
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I looked from sam to dean and back again. Dean walked over to me. "Well since we dont have anything to do but wait, lets go and get you some clothes."
I shook my head, "oh no, i dont expect you to buy me...."
He cut me off,"im going to buy you some clothes."
His voice left no room for argument. I nodded and walked back towards the bathroom. I looked in the mirror, my hair was starting to dry but it needed a good brushing. Deans clothes hung from me in parts and i guess buying an outfit that actually fit wouldnt be to bad.
A knock on the bathroom door made me jump. "(Y/N), you ready to go?" It was dean. I opened the door and looked down at the sweatpants hanging off of me.
"Do you, maybe have a pair of shorts i can borrow? Maybe i can roll them up." I whispered.
"Sure. Come on in my room. We will find something." Dean smiled as he took my hand. He led me back to his room and started looking in his dresser.
"Here, these might work. They have a drawstring in them to where you can tighten them up." He said as he handed me a black pair of shorts.
I walked back to the bathroom and changed. The shorts were better than the sweat pants. I tied the long flannel in a knot just below my hip bone and rolled the sleeves up a bit. I pulled my hair into a side ponytail and my black hair drapped in a curtain of long curls over my shoulder. This would have to do.
I walked back into the library and found dean back there with sam. They both looked my way and i saw deans mouth slightly open and sam smiled.
I looked down at my feet still bare, i wrung my hands nervously.
"You look great." Dean said in a whisper. I stared down at his boot clad feet. I felt his finger under my chin tilting my head up to look him in the eyes.
Those beautiful green eyes seemed to peer into my soul. My lips tingling from the searing kiss we had shared earlier. I smiled shyly at him as i looked down at the floor again.
Dean pulled his keys out of his pocket and looked back at sam. "We will be back later."
Dean held his hand out to me and i took it cautiously. He led me up the stairs and out to the garage. He opened my door for me. I climbed in, then he walked around the car and got in himself.
"You ready?" He asked with a small smile on his face as he looked at me. I nodded and the engine roared to life. I closed my eyes and realized how much i really love how his car sounds.
We drove in silence for thirty minutes and we arrived in the middle of town. I looked around and saw dress shops, clothes shops, shoe stores, hair salons. Everything.
I turned towards dean with wide eyes. "This is a little overwhelming. Ive never been to places like this before."
He smiled and placed his hand on my thigh. His touch burned me and made my core ache for him. I shifted slightly in the seat slightly. He grabbed my hand and placed a card in it.
"This is my credit card, you go buy anything you want. Everything you need. Doesnt matter just pamper yourself."
I hesitated on taking it and shook my head no. Dean gave me a stern look and pushed the credit card towards me. "Im serious. Take it, go buy whatever you want. Ill be out here waiting."
I smiled and he smiled back. "Thank you dean. Ill repay you i promise."
He waved me off as he shooed me out of the car. I have never went shopping for myself before without parker being there telling me what i could or couldnt buy.
Two hours later i had my arms full of bags. Dean was sitting in the impala his sunglasses on, air drumming to ac/dc. I smiled and felt a pull in my heart at just how gorgeous he is.
He looked over and saw me standing there and jumped out to help me with the bags. He opened the back door and placed all of the bags in there then turned and smiled at me. "I see you found you some stuff. Did you get everything you need?"
I nodded "i think so, im sorry i got so much but i promise ill repay you."
Dean opened my door. "No you wont either. This is a gift from me to you."
He climbed in and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot heading back towards the bunker. He turned the music down to where it wasnt blaring anymore. I turned towards him in the seat, "thank you dean. I have never had someone do that for me before. Parker always picked out what i could and couldnt wear. It was a little overwhelming to be honest."
Dean still had his shades on so i didnt know if he looked my way or not because his head didnt move. "Youre very welcome sweetheart. If you need anything else just let me know and youll have it."
I smiled, he was so sweet. What other man would rescue a woman, stay by her side in the hospital, take her in his home, then give her his credit card and tell her to go buy anything she wants. Dean winchester thats who. I had no doubt he was genuine about everything he has done for me.
Dean stopped and grabbed a couple pizzas on our way back. "I know you love pizza so thats what we are having for dinner." He said as he climbed back in placing the pizzas between us.
"Thank you." I said as i looked down at my hands. He pulled back out onto the road, he placed his hand on top of mine in my lap.
"No need to thank me for everything." He said as he intertwined our fingers.
"Im sorry." I said shyly.
"Another thing, stop apologizing for everything."
"Im sor... Im just used to acting a certain way. I had to be a certain way and I just dont know any other way." I said.
He glanced over at me, "youll find your way again. Just be yourself, find who you truly are and do that. You dont have to worry about anything anymore. The shit you put up with before will never happen again. Not as long as Im breathing."
I nodded which was all i could manage. We rode the rest of the way in comfortable silence. We pulled into the garage of the bunker and dean got out with the pizzas. He opened the back door trying to get all the bags but was failing miserably.
"Here let me take something." I said giggling. I hadnt done that in a long time. Being around sam and dean might just be good for me after all.
He shook his head and growled as he dropped another bag on the ground. I took the pizzas and a few bags from him. "I dont expect you to do everything for me dean. Its sweet but i can handle my own."
"Oh i have no doubt about that." He said smirking at me which made me blush. We made our way into the bunker and down the steps to the library where sam was focused on something on his laptop.
"Honey, were home!" Dean yelled and sam looked up grinning at all the bags we put down on the table.
"So (Y/N), did you get everything you needed?" Sam asked closing his laptop.
I nodded, "thank you both for everything. I promise i will...." I was cut off by dean.
"If you say youll repay us one more time Im gonna have to take you over my knee." Dean said grinning like the cat who ate the canary. His grin got bigger as i pushed my thighs together at the thought of being spanked by him.
Sam rolled his eyes and got up from the table. He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with three beers.
He placed one in front of me, "i dont know if you wanted a beer or not but we have tea, water, and soda too."
I shrugged, "ive never drank before." Both of the boys looked at me in shock, "parker never let me drink."
I took the beer and tried to twist the cap off but i couldnt get it. Dean chuckled and twisted the cap off with ease and handed it back to me.
I nodded a thanks to him and took a swig. Dean grabbed a slice of pizza as did sam and i just sat there watching. Dean pushed one of the boxes towards me, "eat, no need to sit there hungry."
"Besides if you wait to long bottomless pit over there will devour it all." Sam said pointing at dean. I chuckled as dean smiled with a mouth full of pizza.
An hour and four slices of pizza later i was stuffed. I sighed and rubbed my belly, "I cant manage another bite." I downed the rest of my beer as sam got up from the table and took the bottles to throw them away.
Dean moved into the chair beside me, "what would you say to a night out tonight?" He said hesitantly.
"Where?" I asked looking at him.
"Theres a bar not far from here. Me you and sam could all go. I think you deserve a night to unwind." Dean said wiggling his eyebrows.
I laughed, who could say no to him and all his cuteness. I knew i couldnt so i just nodded, "okay, lets go out."
He clapped his hands together and stood up. "Great, lets get your things in your room so you can get all dolled up for a night on the town." He grabbed all the bags and led me down the hall to a room right across from his. He opened the door and placed the bags on the bed.
"Its not much of a room but decorate it any way you want. Make yourself at home. If you need anything im right across the hall." He said closing the door behind him, leaving me alone in the silence.
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@an-unhealthy-obsession
54 notes ¡ View notes
angrylizardjacket ¡ 6 years ago
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time’s arrow {Roger Taylor}
Anon asked: Hi, I love your roger/ben imagines so much and was wondering if you could do some angst with Roger x female, maybe they are good friends and she sees him with another. Whatever you would like! Thank you x :)
A/N: 2727 words. A story told through Seasons. I took a little bit of liberties with the prompt, if that’s okay? This hit me like a lightning bolt and I had to write it. Angst with a happy ending. (I’m just trying to show I’ve got versatility in writing, okay?)
Warnings: Implied sex.
You meet him in Spring, before it all begins, he sits up the back of your Intro to Head and Neck Anatomy lectures, the only class with open spots available by the time you were looking for a science credit. You find out he’s in a band three weeks into the first class, finally going to the local bar, sick of cramming your brain full of information you’re not even sure is necessary for your degree. He grins at you and wow okay, you didn’t even think he’d recognise you.
“You’re in, um,” he’s leaning against the bar next to you in this dimly lit pub, grabbing a drink between sets. Faltering for a moment, his eyes travel down before you clear your throat, angry at yourself for blushing, but his smile widens, “my class.” He finishes, taking a sip of his beer. You agree, rolling your eyes at him, but even that seems to amuse him. He asks your name. The guitarist is calling him over, setting up for the next set, but you tell him before he leaves. Something tightens in your chest when, later that night, he catches your eyes mid-song, his look of intense focus shifting for a moment as he grins, giving you a wink.
He takes to sitting next to you in lectures, chewing the end of his pencil and taking occasional notes in a falling apart notebook that looks as though he uses it for every class. You catch lyrics in the margins and at the bottom of some pages, but he’s cagey about that in a strange way, just says you’ll have to come to a gig to find out what they’re about. So you do.
Gigs become a regular for you, and you start to become friends with the girls who frequent the shows, often hosting predrinks in your dorm room for Mary and her friends on a Friday night. You learn on one of those nights that at least two of the girls have hooked up with him, and there’s a strange, sinking sensation in your chest. You’re not sad, or at least, you tell yourself you shouldn’t be. You and Roger are just friends, it’s not like there’s anything going on there, sure, sometimes after a really good show he’ll give you a pash, but it’s- that’s just him. 
It’s not like you’ve never thought about it, but you also know his reputation, and that it’ll do more harm than good to get involved with that. He’s the one mistake you don’t think you want to make.
It’s Summer, a few years later, when they trade in the van to get money to hire the recording studio. Roger had really loved that van, and he lay on your sofa for a solid hour grumbling about it, about how Freddie had some kind of nerve. You roll your eyes at him, call him a drama queen, which he takes offence to, but moves obligingly when you sit down, letting him rest his head in your lap.
When you raise the point that it might be worth it, he looks frankly aghast, griping about how he has to catch lifts everywhere now. He calms down somewhat when you start carding your fingers through his hair, though he still pouts.
“If it comes to it, I’ll buy you a car, you baby.” You snort, despite the fact that you’re currently barely making a living wage on some retail job, it’s not where you’d thought you’d be after university, but sometimes that’s just how it is. He looks up at you, and when you look down at him, he’s looking very intense. Perhaps he might say something poignant about your offer, you think, but instead he reaches up and pokes your nose.
“I can see up your nostrils.” He tells you, and you smack his hand away, scowling. You stand abruptly, ignoring his complaints, smoothing your pants out against your thighs.
“Come on,” you offer your hand, which he regards with both confusion and a bit of disdain, “you can’t mope around my apartment and complain about the band again. We’re going out.” That gets his interest.
You’ve been to bars with him before, and usually you go home alone while he gets the pick of the prettiest girls of the night, or he decides to wingman you, which hurts your heart a little, but you won’t decline. You were attractive in your own right, you won’t deny that, you didn’t technically need his help, but a selfish part of you likes the way the attention to you, even if it’s to help you get with other people.
Tonight is different, tonight he doesn’t leave your side, he slings an arm around you as the two of you stand by the bar watching the truly mediocre band they had on that night. 
“You know why they aren’t recording an album?” You ask as the set ends.
“Because they didn’t sell their van?” Roger mused, vaguely bitter, but not melancholy as he swirled the last of his drink in his free hand.
“No, it’s because they’re terrible.” Turning, you smile at your own blunt remark, and when he looks back at you, he’s grinning with a little disbelief. There’s very little space between the two of you, but that doesn’t make your heart race anymore, he’s your best friend, close contact was part of the bargain. But he kissed you, quickly, without warning, and when he pulls back, he turns away to order another drink like nothing had happened.
Your mind is spiralling, this isn’t post-gig excitement, this wasn’t something you were expecting. The selfish creature in your chest that you tried to deny for so long was crowing with victory. Taking a quick look around the bar, you don’t recognise anyone, though there are a few girls who look like they’d be his type- but his hand is moving to wrap around your waist as he turns back.
“What was that?” Voice quiet, you take his drink and have a sip of it yourself, the movement done from muscle memory alone. He raises his eyebrows at you, not regarding the drink, that was a usual occurrence, but at the question. He doesn’t seem to know how to answer, baffled at the question. Dropping you gaze, you take a sip of your own drink. “Why me? Why tonight?” You asked. Looking incredulous, he stepped back, looking you over.
“Have you seen yourself tonight, love? Couldn’t help myself.” You’ve heard him talk like this before, to other girls, not as blunt, but with you he can get away with it. The creature in your chest is elated, and you find yourself smiling, actually blushing. He moves closer once more, his arm around you, voice low as he spoke into your ear. “Trust me, you look very fit tonight, any man would be lucky to have a crack at you.” Heart in your throat, you hope you’re reading the situation right, at the same time ignoring the part of you that knew this was a bad idea.
“Even you?” You turned to face him, watching the way his smile shifted to a smirk, and he pulled you a little closer.
“You know I’m always feeling lucky.” 
You kiss him, feeling your blood thumping in your veins, selfish and excited in equal measure, but with his hands on you, you can’t find the focus to care about the former. 
Once the bad starts up again, Roger pulls away, making a face at them, asking if you wanted to get out of there. You do, and the two of you are elated on the quick walk back to his apartment, stopping only when he pressed you up against the wall of an closed shop to suck a hickey into the skin of your neck. You catch sight of it in his bedroom mirror, but he’s pulling off your jacket and you have better things to worry about.
It’s not weird, like you thought it would be, when you wake the next morning and he’s curled up, fast asleep with his back to you, but your chest aches just a little. He avoids eye contact over breakfast, though you chat like normal. The gripes about his van have died down, though he makes an offhand comment about things are changing that you read enough into to realise what had happened.
“You’ll always have me, Rog.” You reach across the table to take his hand, and he finally looks you in the eye, he looks so relieved, not that he’d ever say it. Afraid of losing another thing he cared about, he had panicked last night and tried to keep you close in the only way he knew how. He certainly loved you, but not in the way you wanted him to. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, you give him a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. It’s not his fault.
Bohemian Rhapsody airs in Autumn, you’re regional manager now, and you’re sitting in your office when you hear for the first time; you almost scream when the first harmony comes in after the radio host introduces the song.
“You’re a star, Rog!” You gush over the phone on your break, unable to wait until that night when the band was having a celebratory get-together to talk to him.
“Of course, I am, you think I sing that high to be paid in peanuts?” You can hear the smile in his words without even seeing him, and being able to hear his voice warms your heart.
“That was you?” You laugh, the ‘Galileo's playing back in your head, and you try to picture him singing it, which only made you laugh harder.
“Oi,” he bristled, indignant at your laughter, “I’m the only one with the range to execute Freddie’s vision.” You could see him in your mind now, proud and stubborn, standing tall to defend the decision.
“I’m proud of you.” Suddenly sincere, you find your smile turning to something more genuine as you think back on far he’s come.
“Thank you.” His own voice has become less animated, more sincere, though you can still hear him smiling.
“Love you, Rog.” You tell him, just as you always did when you parted ways.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
He’s grinning, draped with casual confidence in an armchair in Freddie’s living room when you arrive, and you feel like you’ve been taken back five years, the casual enthusiasm he’s exerting. Smile brightening, he stands when he sees you, striding across the room to enfold you in a hug.
“Good to see you!” He practically beams at you, holding your shoulders as he looks over you, as if assessing you, seeing if anything has changed.
“Of course, you’ve been holed up for weeks, I wouldn’t miss this for the world!” Though he’s in front of you, you’re words address the room as a whole, and when he steps back, Brian moves in to hug you as well, asking how you’ve been.
The boys are your friends, all of them, you’ve been around for most of their big band moments, and it eases something in your chest to be here for this one too. But then the ease sharply tightens as a woman you’ve never seen before sits on the arm of Roger’s chair, and he rests a hand on her thigh, smiling up at her.
Mary follows your gaze, and her smile is sad as she pulls you down to sit beside her, asking you about your thoughts on the single. You answer, though your heart’s not in it, and the selfish creature in your chest rears it’s ugly head after such a long slumber. 
The monster has shifted, changed and grown, it hadn’t cared about him running around with any pretty girl he could find for the past few years, but this was different. Roger had made it clear that he was far from sacred, but this was the band, this was Freddie’s home, this was the place of some of your happiest memories; this was yours. 
You stay well into the early hours of the following morning, despite the interloper, but Roger still stopped you at the door.
“I’m really glad you could make it, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.” He’s smiling at you, but you don’t smile back. It’s been a long night of being kind and pretending that you’re heart didn’t hurt.
“Well, you’ve very busy.” You shrug, punctuating it with a yawn. His expression turns confused, and you open the door.
“Y/N.” He tried to get your attention, but you left, throwing a goodbye over your shoulder to him. “Love you.” He calls through the door, but you stay quiet, refuse to say it back, just keep walking. You’re too tired to be upset, but maybe you’ll get there tomorrow.
Things change, and you’ve grown to accept that, but sometimes old aches don’t heal like they should. Or at all.
“I’m getting married.” He calls you at the end of Winter.
“Oh.”
“Oh?” 
Your relationship’s been on the mend in the years since the Bohemian Rhapsody launch night. You two smile and laugh like you had when you were younger, and you’ve learned to listen to his exploits and his gripes about women, offering your own about your partners, though they’re few and far between. He’s still your best friend, and you learn to act like it. 
“Congratulations.” Your voice is flat. It had been a shock, you’d heard about his latest on-again off-again girlfriend, and had even offered advice in certain situations, actual advice, no malice at all.
“Thanks.” He doesn’t seem to know where to go from here, and silence stretches out between the two of you.
“I should go.” You finally murmur.
“What? Why?” He spluttered, and you sighed deeply.
“Was there something else you wanted to talk about?” You asked, closing your eyes and leaning your forehead against the wall.
“I- no, but I want you to be there.” He paused. “And I wanted to be the one to tell you.” Clenching your jaw, you make a snap decision.
“I can’t-”
“Why not?” He actually sounded angry, which was perhaps warranted, though your next words shut him up.
“Because it hurts, Roger.” After a beat, your voice is quiet. “Because I love you.” Taking a breath, you let yourself relax. “I want you to be happy, but I can’t watch you marry someone else.” There’s silence for a very long moment, but you hang up before he can respond. You take the phone off the hook. You need to be alone, just for now.
“After everything, you still-?” It’s the first day of Spring, and he’s on your doorstep, seemingly unable to say the word love. You’re wearing your pyjamas and he looks like he’s just walked out of a Rolling Stone cover shoot, though he just sort of looks like that now, you supposed.
“Don’t worry about it.” You try not to betray how much his visit shocked you, or the way his very presence after your recent conversation hurt you.
“You’re my best friend! Of course I’m gonna worry about it!” He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. Sighing deeply, he stepped forward. “I thought I fucked everything up when we hooked up, I’m sorry, I panicked.” He was looking at his fidgeting hands, rather than your surprised expression. “And then... I thought I fucked it up again when I chose the band over you.”
“You never-” You tried to protest, but he smiled self-deprecatingly.
“No, I did. I loved you, and I thought that would get in the way of the band.” Clenching his jaw, he looked up and you could see the regret in his eyes. “It was easier to fuck around that tell you I love you.” Your breath stopped in your throat as he finally walked closer. “And I thought after everything, that you deserved better; you know what I’m like, why would you-?” But you cut him off with a kiss.
“You’ll always have me.” You murmured, finally letting yourself smile. Nothing about it felt selfish, in fact, it felt as though the sun was finally shining on you, warming you from the inside out.
“I know,” he agreed quietly, wrapping you up in a hug.
611 notes ¡ View notes
letstalksymphogear ¡ 6 years ago
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Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)
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“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”
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“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”
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Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.
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“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”
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“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”
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“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”
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“i just hope miku’s okay...”
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“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”
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“please stop breathing”
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Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS
XYLOPHONE RIFF
THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT
XYLOPHONE RIFF
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“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”
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“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”
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“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”
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“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”
In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.
> Tsubasa has joined the party.
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“FRIENDSHIP!”
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“fweindship.”
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“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”
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“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”
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“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”
Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.
Meanwhile, at night.
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Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.
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“.........................hey miku......”
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“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”
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“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”
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“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”
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“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”
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They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.
Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...
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Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.
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“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”
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“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”
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“wait, whats that crying”
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Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.
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“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”
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Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.
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But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.
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The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.
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“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”
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Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.
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“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”
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The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.
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Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...
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...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.
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“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”
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“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”
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“maybe we’re born with it”
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“maybe its maybeline”
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“maybeline...”
Meanwhile...
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A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)
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“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”
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“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”
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“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”
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“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”
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“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”
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“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”
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“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”
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Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.
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No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.
In the midst of this pain...
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Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.
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“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”
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“damn. that’s some good piss.”
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She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?
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Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...
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Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.
Back to Lydian:
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“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”
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“B. A. D.”
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“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”
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“yeah. you are.”
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“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”
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“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”
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“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”
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“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”
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Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.
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“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”
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The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.
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Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.
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PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.
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“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”
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“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”
They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...
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“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”
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“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”
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“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”
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It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.
But no, instead, we get this.
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youtube
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Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.
The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.
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Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.
The main antagonist of the series, everybody.
She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:
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“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”
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“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”
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“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”
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“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”
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“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”
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“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”
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“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”
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“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”
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“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”
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“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”
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“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”
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“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”
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“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”
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“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”
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“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”
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“LEAVE.”
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“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”
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20 notes ¡ View notes
tessxomarie ¡ 6 years ago
Text
Saving You - Part I
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*Hi everyone! First, I need to shoutout @hellosupernaturaldoctor​  for giving me advice and the confidence to even attempt this. This is my very first time writing any fan-fiction and the first time I’ve decided to post any of my writing some place other than a word doc. I’ve had this idea for this story since mid-season of the Mayans, and after the finale I put all my thoughts into a story. It starts off slow, but I promise what I have in store next will be worth it! PS, Any feedback is appreciated! - This story takes place a few months after the season one finale. Ez is now a newly patched in member, Alvarez is still working for Galindo; things have been quiet as of late, well for the most part.*
It’s a Friday afternoon, I’m just getting off of work. It’s hot as fuck outside – guess that’s the price you pay when you live in the desert. I lazily gather my purse from the backroom, before I step foot outside, I redo my hair. What was once a cute pony tail this morning has turned into a mangled mess. As my luck would have it, my hair tie snaps as soon as I go to wrap it around a third time. “Fuck.” I mumble to myself. I always wear an extra hair tie on my wrist, but I cannot have a naked wrist. “Fine, a mangled mane I will have. It’s fine, it’s fine.” I whisper to myself. If I don’t leave here now, I will lose all sanity I have left. Man, what a shit show day today has been, this heat must be getting to the kids. Two broken wrists, a broken arm, a no helmet incident and a random summer cold. I didn’t get puked or shit on, and no kid attempted to kick or hit, so I call today’s shit show a success. Just as I’m about to leave, one of my co-workers stops me, “Leah, good work today. You kept that broken arm kid really calm. Keep it up.” Elena tells me with a smile. “Thanks, Elena. I’m just doing my job, but I always welcome feedback, so thanks again.” I say to her as I head out the back door. It’s 4:30pm, I’ve been on the clock since 6am, one would think I deserve to simply go home and use my complex’s pool – oh one can dream. But nope, I’m still on the clock but I guess you could call this gig more of an always “on-call” service.
I pull up in my old school blacked out Jeep Grand Cherokee about twenty minutes after I leave the clinic to the Romeo Brothers Scrapyard, also known as the headquarters for the Mayans MC.  
Chucky greets me, per usual. “Greetings Nurse Aleeah.” He says to me with a big smile and a salute. I let out a giggle as I always do whenever someone says my full name…I rarely ever go by it, but around here, I hear it more than I have in years. But Chucky, oh Chucky– how does one describe a chronic masturbator who has a good heart and is part of the biker world without truly being a biker? I guess I just did, didn’t I? “Hey Chucky, how are you?” I ask as I park and exit my Jeep. “I am well, swell actually. I have no complaints today.” Chucky answers with a big smile. “Good, I’m glad to hear that.” I say as I give his arm a friendly squeeze. “The boys need your assistance, I don’t know details but clearly someone got messed up hence why you are here.” Chucky explains in typical Chucky fashion.I roll my eyes as I stand in front of the clubhouse. “It’s always something with these boys, huh?” I rhetorically ask. Chucky nods his head and heads back to the office. I walk up the steps and take a deep breath before I enter the clubhouse. This club is like a box of chocolates, you never know what the fuck you’re going to get so it’s best you just grin and bear it. Is it just a cut from a broken beer bottle? Did a fight break out and there is blood everywhere? A bullet wound? A stabbing wound? A rat bite? Like I said, you just never know. I open the doors and pray today is nothing major. “Have no fear, your favorite RN is here.” I announce as I enter the clubhouse and strike a pose in the doorway.  “Umm, isn’t it RN BSN?” Riz corrects as he stands and greets me. “Have I told you that you’re my favorite?” I reply with a playful wink and smile, it does make me truly happy that these guys acknowledge and are proud of my accomplishments. “Hola Aleeah.” Riz says to me while we greet with a warm hug, per usual. “Hey, I spy my favorite nurse!” Gilly shouts from across the room. Creeper, Hank and Taza also wave from the card table. “Greetings gentlemen, you all seem to be in one piece.” I say as I mosey around the few tables between me and the guys. “Although that pleases me, who is the one who called up 1-800-Rescue Nurse?” I sarcastically spit, which receives some laughs from the guys. “They’re in church.” Hank points towards the door. “They? Plural?” I ask looking at Riz, and he nods to confirm. “Jesus Christ.” I say palming my face. “Lee Baby!” Coco shouts from exiting church and walking over to me with open arms. “Ah, Coco Loco.” I reply with a smile and we hug. “How are you doing, Coco?” I ask after we break our embrace. “A lot better than your next two victims.” He replies, him not making much eye contact and that just gives it away – I know automatically who my victims are. “You gotta be kidding me? They got into it again?!” All Coco does is nod and look down at the floor. “How bad?” I ask. “What do you mean? How bad do they look? Or how bad is it between them?” Coco asks me. I shake my head with disgrace. I angrily take my steps towards church and I aggressively open the door. “Damn, she is pissed.” I hear Creeper’s echo as I close the door, as soon I enter the room. Looking at the table, I see them. One is at one end, the other one on the opposite end. I drop my nurse’s bag on the table and cross my arms. “You two have some damn nerve - getting into it again. Jesus. You’re fucking brothers, you are blood – blood don’t do this shit.” I yell with anger and confusion. Silence fills the air as the guys look at each other and up at me. Bishop then looks over to me and quirks an eyebrow and half smile. “Excuse my poor manners, Bish. Your boys tend to make me lose all sanity I have left at the end of a work week.” I tell him as I walk over and give him a warm embrace. “Oh Leah, you’re fine. I know this shit has been out of control recently.” Bishop pauses and looks over to the guys. He takes a deep breath. “I’ll let you handle them now. I’ll be outside if you need a referee.” Bishop exits and I just stand there, crossed arms again. Both boys refuse to look me in the eye, but instead stare each other down. “Are you just going to stand there?” Angel seethes. I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Give me one good reason as to why I should fix the both of you up? Huh? Because as I see it, this is the fourth time this month…THIS MONTH!  Angel, please, humor me and explain to me why the fuck I should tend to your wounds yet again? Maybe if I let you both be, you’ll learn these fights aren’t worth it.” I take a deep breath myself, and I run my hand through my tangled hair, which I then end up putting up in a pony tail right after, I’ll just have to remember to find another hair tie to wear on my wrist later.   “Alright, I’m sorry I went off. You two, you two just frustrate me.” I say holding my hands up mimicking a surrender. I take another breath and look between the boys. My gaze is drawn to EZ, probably because he’s the easier one out of the two. “Okay, EZ, I see that nasty cut on your cheek, oh and your hand – good going big brother.” I say as I look over to Angel. He looks away the moment I look his way. “Shocker, EZ gets to be first yet again.” Angel chirps. “Seriously?” I snap. “I’m over here fucking bleeding, I could be dying but all you and anyone ever cares about is Ezekiel.”   “Shut it Angel, just shut it, please.” I beg. I start to tend to EZ’s war wounds; some cuts, a nasty one on his cheek – I’m guessing Angel’s rings got the best of him this time around. EZ, he doesn’t say much this time I’m here. I know that he feels the same way as me – he’s tired of this back and forth shit with his brother. “EZ, no more. It’s one thing when you all call me to take a bullet out, or to give a rabies shot, but this shit – playground fights, I’m done.” I explain as I place the last bandage strip to his cheek. EZ doesn’t make eye contact, and his jaw is clenched. His knees shaking. “I know, Lee. I’m sorry you’re doing this again.” EZ tells me as he finally meets my eyes for the first time. EZ, he’s easy to read. He wears his emotions in his eyes, his eyes right now are filled with pain and sadness. This whole feud with Angel, it’s taken a toll on everyone in this club. It’s been almost eight months of this fuckery. “Remove the bandage Sunday night, it needs about 48 hours to heal. If you feel the need to remove it beforehand, clean it thoroughly. Have some of your favorite tequila tonight, and you will be good.” I tell EZ as I throw away the things I used to care for him. “Thanks, Lee.” He says as he kisses me on the cheek and walks somberly out of church. My heart aches for EZ, because the pain – physical and emotional is all over his face and body. Angel hasn’t taken his eyes off of the wall nor has he spoken. I slide my bag down the table as I slowly make my way towards him. Rubber gloves are on, and I grab his face. “Let’s see your damage.” I say, like a dog would when a human goes to check their mouth for something, Angel gives me a little tension as I touch his face. Again, no eye contact. A look of annoyance screams from his expression. I see a nasty cut on the side of his head, by his eye – a sensitive area which bleeds more than most. A black eye is also forming. “Jesus Christ, Angel.” I say examining the cut a little further. “This has to stop. I’m begging. I cannot deal with looking at you two like this, because my fear is that one day, I’m going to be too late to help any of you.” “What if it is?” He spews. I scoff, “No more.” Is all I manage to say. I take out an alcohol swab to clean out his cut. “This is going to sting, on the count of three – one, two, three.” I say as I then put the swab against the cut. A loud hiss comes from Angel and an instant reaction of mine is to grab his face and blow lightly at the cut, helping the sting not be so painful. Angel’s eyes then lock with mine, a look of shock and confusion fill his brown eyes. Angel and I, we’ve had a very interesting relationship since I first came to Santo Padre. He gave me an attitude and I gave it right back – he seemed more pissed off when I talked back than just walking away, and the more I talked back, the more tension built up between us. We started out on the wrong foot, and that’s how we have remained. He lets me care for him, depending on the time of day. Sometimes he lets his girlfriend, well I think she’s his girlfriend, Adelita, clean him up. Today, for whatever reason, he stuck around the clubhouse. I continue to blow on his wound, and I wince back in pain for him because I know it had to sting like a bitch. “Uhh, sorry. It’s a habit of mine, when I treat the kids, I have to do this; they hate it too, so that technique helps them...” I ramble and look away because I sense a bit of embarrassment, as I’ve never been “nice” to Angel. I look and reach back at the table to grab what I need next, just as I turn to face Angel again, I notice a very small smile on his face. “What?” I question, because seeing him smile legit concerns me. “It’s nothing, Leah.” He says monotone and lets me continue working on him. A few more minutes go by, and I determine that he doesn’t need any stitches, just a little butterfly work on one of his eyebrows. “Okay, that’s all. No stitches today, that cut on the side of your face, it’s a sensitive area that bleeds more than most. Your eyebrow cut, it’s an awkward cut – it’s ugly but not ugly enough for stitches. My only request is when you clean it out, could you please use both water and soap?” I emphasize. I know how these guys operate. They either use a dirty rag or tap water to clean themselves up. I turn to clean up my stuff and Angel lets out a minor laugh, which catches me off guard. I look at him and quirk an inquisitive look. Angel stands up, he turns behind his chair and lightly pounds his fist to the back of it. “You sounded just like my ma.” He tells me, in the softest voice I have ever heard Angel speak in. I offer him a small smile as I already know what that history is. Angel leaves church, and per usual no other words are spoken, no thank you’s, nothing. I stay behind a few more moments and collect my thoughts and belongings. I hear the door open, at first I’m startled but relieved it’s just Bishop. “How we doin’, sweetheart?” He asks. I let out a very deep sigh and my facial expression tells my feelings of this whole ordeal. Bishop can’t help but laugh, “I know, Lee. I know.” He tells me as he pulls me in for a hug. “I just need to go home and lay in bed and watch a trashy romcom.” I exclaim as I grab my bag. “I think you’ve deserved that, but before you go – you have a visitor.” He tells me. A look of a deer in the head-lights flashes across my face, who the hell could be visiting me? “Just come with me.” Bishop motions for me to take his hand and follow him. Nerves take over, with the Club, you never know what can happen. As I exit the room, I see the guys scattered all over the clubhouse yet all eyes are on me. “Your visitor is the biggest pain in my ass, so make it quick.” Bishop says, but I catch his playfulness I his voice and I look to the bar and I see who Bishop is talking about – Marcus Alvarez.
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gg-astrology ¡ 6 years ago
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Helloooo :) I don't know if it is too late but, what do you think of cap sun taurus moon? :o
HAH WE HAVE THE SAME PLACEMENTS!!!! 💕 ITS CALL OUT TIME!! 💕💕
(and no ure not too late don’t worry 💕 thank u for dropping by anyways!!)
[Below Cut: Capricorn Sun - Taurus Moon 🍃]
We’re a lot more earthier than our usual earthy counterparts, like if anything if we’re not surrounded by atleast 5 trees we Will Die
It gets especially hard living in an urban city because….we might not be accessible to parks all the time.
Although we might like leafy greens and fauna, some of us may have a hard time motivating ourselves to keeping them alive/grow our own garden even when we like the ~aesthetic~
Second most self-praise thing is our voice. With the combination of Capricorn/Taurus you might realize that we tend to have influential voices when speaking to others (others see reasons/listens to us– can be kind of like the ‘therapist’ in groups of friends because they tend to give solid advice and tries to make it practical for others)
It’s a persuasive ability, where we give other people nudges towards the right direction usually through a socratic dialogue (like asking them questions and letting them find the answer themselves)
Because Taurus is ruled by Venus, we appeal to the emphathy/putting ourselves in other people’s shoes (social relationships) to show others how to view things differently
There’a terrible stubborn streak amongst us, where we feel like we constantly need time to ‘digest’ experiences in order to utilize them fully.
Our time works differently than others, 2 days weekend isn’t enough to do that. And once things start picking up we switch gears from ‘oh no I don’t have time to absorb’ into ‘fuck I gotta find my pattern’ in order to survive
Always in survival mode, the bare minimum. Keep a straight-focused outlook on things so we could concentrate on it instead (while in the moment)
Switches between moments of independency (and cherishing it) and wanting support/to be surrounded by others and help them (in the domestic life/sphere).
If your bed and your room is your friend. This is your ‘safe space’ and you can never work here. You’ll have delegated ‘spaces’ for working/productivity. Thus it becomes a conditioned ‘motive/pattern’ you set for yourself.
You can try to be soft an gentle, but you will Realize that you are a very straight-forward and blunt person. We all look constipated when we try to phrase something in a different way, often we don’t come up with a gentler phrase so we just– drag it out, cautiously to see if the other person is receptive to it or not.
Surprisingly we say ‘sorry’ quite often bc we Know other people might put it gentler than us but we don’t know how to Do It
AH most important thing— quiet doesn’t mean shy. Although we can tend to be shy early on in our childhood (*if it comes to that). Quiet is just comfortable, like ‘I don’t have to say stuff if I don’t have anything to say’ when you’re comfortable with urself/ur company y know
Most people might think we’re being ‘unnaturally quiet’ if you have an active Mercury/Venus that says otherwise— but there are moments where you’re just— chilling, and people are concerned even when you’re just ‘absorbing’ the view
When you’re stress, it shows. When you’re really anxiety ridden and nervous, others can tell it in your oppressive silence. Your face blanks out, and that normally doesn’t happen. Your eyes vacant, and your close friend can pick that up pretty quickly.
Although you like to touch and be touched, you can also be demanding about it. Like ‘pet my hair’ ‘squeeze me tight’ or something specific like ‘hold onto my rib-cage/sides’ — it’s weird I know. But it’s like, if you want something you ask for it or you go get it. 
Emotions are— hard. Because you tend to hide your own pains/bury them a lot. You’re not even aware that you feel more than what you feel in the moment. Capricorn suppresses and Taurus redirects. So you’re not even sure where your emotions go when in hiding.
Sometimes you can be in the shower and think ‘have i ever felt jealous?? envious of people???’ and it takes a little more time and retrospection to get familiar with emotions
Accepting ‘negative’ emotions and ‘ugly’ behaviors in yourself is extremely hard to do. This is because you pride yourself in being ‘kind’ to others. Thus you may be much stricter on yourself than you are with anyone else.
Doesn’t mean you don’t get strict with the people around you, you do. Especially when they’re doing detrimental things to themselves. You’re much better at dealing with them than your own problems though.
Sometimes your retrospection eats away at your thoughts at night, things to do, functions to execute, where are you now? What have you done? Are you going to be happy in say 5 years? What do you have for your ambitions?
You can be protective of people around you, especially after you see them cry or in pain. Your protective instinct kicks in really strongly, and you may have trouble letting them have autonomy without atleast giving them a hard look and saying shit like ‘ok, if that’s what you think/makes you happy’. 
With your best friends, you may used to have the idea that they’re yours. 
Your best friends. Your people. Especially in early childhood, having to ‘open yourself up’ and your friendship up to accepting new people throws you into an internal tantrum.
Still now, you might find that you better with one-on-one approaches to ‘getting close/to know people’ than large group settings. If you’re truly going to have a personal opinion on someone, you have to see them outside the context of a barrier– your mutual friends.
Your own chemistry with other people (one-on-one) matters a lot, because it lets you know how you’re doing. Who you are, what your flaws are and whether you have a different ‘side’ to you that comes out when you’re with them as well.
The thing about you is– you’re inherently honest. To the point where you can’t hide it or stifle it, even if you try your body/mind will scream at you for even attempting to do so. You’re a slave to your own honesty, but it’s also your advantage and your disadvantage.
You have immense capabilities to be understanding to others, and to help others who trust you because of this honesty. 
And because you hold yourself valuable for your integrity to people (heart-to-heart, one-on-one) you don’t ever let yourself consciously try to bring them down or let them have a reason to doubt you otherwise.
Even thinking about how people could misinterpret your actions as something with ulterior motive (threaten to discredit your integrity) you take pre-cautions to make sure everyone is on the same page, everyone understands where it’s coming from.
You don’t leave a stone unturned when you do something, you want to do your best but that also requires preparation works. Ground works, for you to focus on just diving into it later. You don’t deter from it at all, and meticulously prepare the ‘grounds’ for yourself every time.
Your humbleness comes from your core. But since you’re so focused on working/preparing and your side of the story all the time. You have a harder time ‘switching’ gears to being on the receiving end of things.
You’d have learnt earlier on in your life that you can usually have an ‘automated’ response to things/circumstances that requires responses. But you don’t ever want to appear insincere or disingenuine so you try your best to put yourself 100% in giving people sincerity at all times.
You’ll learn– that this tends to wear you out. And you require time away from people in your own space. You might like to bury yourself under 10 blankets, give yourself a good scrub in the bathroom or get tucked away in a corner doing your own thing. Personal comfort is rejuvenating to you, but you can let it get too far and make a bad habit of not going out because of it too.
You’re a homebody but you may pride yourself in the opposite. You bring attention and light to when you go out, what you did with people, what you saw today. Watch that you aren’t doing this to subconsciously ‘persuade’ yourself that you deserve to relax at home because you’ve ‘earned it’ (going out becomes an ‘achievement’, which in itself isn’t terrible but you tend to let yourself get comfortable/have a pattern that may be harder to break out of– and that generally leads to a sense of dread for you later on when you want to ‘switch gears’ to something else)
You’re a creature of habit, so try to make a journal or ‘check list’ for things whenever it appears (like ‘you have a meeting at 3pm, this has to get done by thursday, do groceries on this specific day because otherwise you won’t have time – use it like you have a secretary). 
Whenever you need to check, you have the journal to remind you of ‘obligations’ you have to work through.
If you don’t, you can let your days get past you or forget about things you have to do.   
Grocery shopping, especially when you have time to journey alone (and not talk to anyone)– is less of a chore and more like a place where you can enjoy self-care without feeling unproductive about yourself.
If you ever feel like you’re having a bad day, go grocery shopping. Splurge on some meats and make yourself a steak. If you’re a vegetarian, try looking for new things to try in these moment of vulnerabilities.
Also, don’t be afraid to buy dolls. Especially the big ones that are like 9′ tall and towers over you. You’re going to enjoy having a new seating space for yourself. Lie on it’s stomach, play on your laptop. 
You’ll do better with a cuddle buddy who doesn’t have their own needs (inanimate) when your partner/friends are less free to spend time with you. 
Don’t be afraid to initiate physical contact, if you want someone to kiss your checks. Ask to kiss theirs. Show them– through demonstration and response – how to physically care for you the way you might want/need it to.
You can be disgustingly cute with people even when you’re not in a romantic relationship with them, mostly because you think everyone deserves to feel loved even without it being romantic. Everyone deserves to feel cared for, adored and not less than a romantic partner.
There’s no shame in craving intimacy, from friends or from lovers. You know it’s different because your ‘shades’ with romantic partners are a lot more intense/directed. But that doesn’t mean you put your love for your friends second to your lovers.
Let yourself get giggly and bubbly, feel loved and adored. Let yourself open up about past experiences, situations you need help with. Let yourself admit to your friends/people around you how you feel, so that they can support you when you can’t support yourself.
That’s all I have for now 💕 This one is quite long mostly because I was thinking about it too much 💕 I hope it’s applicable to you ;; 💕💕    
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