#you start thinking it was nothing but a joke. something that was barely even harmful

[caffeinatedopossum]

I think I have since witnessed what actual 'trauma dumping' is and what the phrase is referring to and I am. I'm shocked honestly. I didn't expect anyone to just randomly say something very heavy in the weirdest place, like a pinterest comment section or something, where conversation is not really possible beyond "lol" or "I'm sorry"

Like that just seems so entirely pointless and unfulfilling on every level that I never would have considered that happens, let alone that it happens OFTEN ENOUGH to have a specific term describing it.

There's nothing wrong with telling people about your trauma, publicly acknowledging it, or wanting to work through something of course but I feel like this is different

"Stop trauma dumping" bruh do you want to get to know me or not. This is relevant to every piece of my being and every topic you bring up

[utterlyotterlyx]

The Fox and The Fawn

High Lord Eris x Rhys!Sister!Reader x Azriel

Part Seven

Summary - Your feelings for Eris are confronted and you make a choice that is sure to break you.

Warnings - angst, fluff, depression, betrayal, sadness, more angst

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

Velaris hadn't been the same since you had left.

The entire population was scrutinizing the Inner Circle and the beast they called their High Lord who was doing his best to convince his people that you weren't well and had chosen to heal in the company of the realms best healers in Dawn.

No one believed it.

Rhys was pacing about the study, walking the length of it before turning on his heels and following the wall back to the other side whilst Cassian and Azriel stood before him, clammy palms and pale faces as the throbbing power of Rhys threatened to consume them.

It had been a back and forth conflict that had lasted for days, the words thrown had become so intense that Feyre had deigned to move herself and Nyx to the House of Wind. The main consensus was that a war with Autumn would be devastating to all involved, but Rhys had lost his mind for long enough to be void of the capability to see any reason.

All he wanted was his sister back in his court, safe and warm and protected, where her power wouldn't threaten anyone into daring to know more.

"She'll come back," Azriel's voice cut through the haze, his voice was sure but quaking, and Rhys halted his movements, approaching the desk and taking a seat.

Their High Lord was a shell of himself, a wild glare had consumed his dark eyes, none of them could remember the last time he had smiled or joked, all he did was speak of you, of how to get you back.

"Did your shadows tell you something?"

Azriel shuffled in his seat, dreading what he had to say, for his brother didn't know the exact details of what occurred with you at the boarder of Winter and Autumn, "No," he cleared his throat, "You threatened Elain, Lucien, and Eris," he gulped, "And Nesta."

Cassian hadn't been doing well without her, he hardly slept or ate, and he flinched with pain more often than not due to the bond being so weak and brittle, close to extinction. Their shared brother snapped his head in their direction, his gaze wide as it moved between Rhys and Azriel, both of which kept some vital information from him.

The Shadowsinger continued, "You know that y/n would never put anyone in harms way, she would never risk the lives of the people she loves most," he wasn't sure if he was included in that list anymore, "She just wants to be free. I beg you to think of a different way to establish peace."

Rhys rolled his eyes, bored of the same words, "You saw what she can do now," he leaned forward in the chair and the stars panicked in response, blinking quickly, some even vanished from the sky entirely.

Neither of them could escape the image of those licks of blame flame curling up your fingers and forearm, they couldn't escape the coldness in your glare, and Azriel in particular couldn't escape the flash of pain that shot through your face when he had taken a step back from you.

"Even then, does it mean that we need to go to war? We've barely recovered from Hybern and Koschei as it is, our armies will perish-"

"You can both leave," Rhys drawled, uninterested, bored even, as he picked a threat from his suit jacket and let it float to the floor, "Start preparing our armies, Cass." A stiff nod from Cassian acted as his reply, he rose from his seat, eyes still wide and white knuckles gleaming in the moonlight.

Come home, or I will make sure that you are left with nothing.

Nothing.

The faint scent of cinnamon kissed the air, meaning that Eris was home, and the more intense it grew the more it became clear that he was searching for you as he always did when he returned to the manor. All he had to do was follow the aroma of you, the one scent that he would bottle up if he could just so your scent could drown his clothes and senses.

“Hello Fawn,” he called to you, his voice purred with adoration, and your spine tingled at the sensation of it. As quickly as he spoke the words, Eris frowned, noting the blank stare you held at whatever held your attention beyond the window.

Night had fallen upon Autumn, the sky held the last few flickers of light as dark purple licked the sky and faded to black.

The exhaustion was clear on your face as he fell to your side, his arm brushing against your own as though he was reminding you of where you were. Not Night. Autumn.

Eris had believed that he was making some headway with you, but after Rhys, it felt like you had constructed a dam of steel around your mind. Cold and unimpeachable. It was warranted, but dangerous, and Eris noticed you retreating into yourself more every passing moment.

“What’s wrong?”

Turning to face him, you etched his face to memory, whisky amber eyes full of worry, tight lips, messy red hair that fell past his ears; he had left in a rush that morning, negating to properly style his hair which meant that it was messy but too alluring to pay attention to. He was dressed in ivory briefs and a white shirt, a red waistcoat and jacket both adorned with vines of gold.

A High Lord if you ever did see one.

All you wanted to do was reach out and push a strand behind his ear, to graze his cheekbone with your fingers. But you couldn’t. If there was any chance of Rhys finding out of how much Eris meant to you then he would surely ensure the most brutal punishment possible.

A serene but forced smile consumed your lips, lips that were chapped and broken from the bouts of anxiety that crashed down on you, “Nothing,” you told him, eyes flickering. Shaking your head, you explained, “Nesta was a bit brutal with training today but it’s fine.”

That’s right. Eris had been too busy that day to train with you, you had both been enjoying your sessions grappling with the carranam powers you had discovered, but Eris hadn’t had the time, which meant that Nesta was keeping her eye on you.

The stare didn’t relent but you didn’t shrink under it, you’d never shrink yourself for anyone ever again, so you turned back to peer out of the cloudy glass, “How can I make it better?”

Tension fizzled, Eris took your hands in his, stroking his thumb over the soft surface and resting on your pulse, “Train with me tomorrow.”

Eris smirked, “Done.”

Faint cricket song creaked through the open window, the low beating glow of the fireflies allowed you to see the pond rippling beyond the glass panes that were doing their best to keep the cold from seeping into your bones. Moments had flickered where you seemed unsure, moments where your mind was reeling, trying to figure out what was the next best step not only for you, but your people.

For Eris.

Oddly enough, it had been Elain who would come to your room at night, or Lucien; Nesta knew when to leave you alone and Eris didn't like imposing on your space, but Elain and Lucien, together or separate, seemed to know what you needed more than yourself.

Elain would bring an assortment of baked goods, she'd perch them on the edge of the bed and climb atop the comforter to wedge herself beside you; she wouldn't talk, she would simply listen and occasionally chirp soft advise whilst those pastries loosened your lips. Lucien however was much more straightforward, he would burst into your room no matter the time, he knew you'd be awake regardless, he'd say that he could feel your thoughts pulsing about the manor, uneasy and painful, and he would come to you to make you smile.

Much like how Cassian used to.

The soft patter of rain sounded beyond the threshold, the scent of it made you close your eyes and smile, inhaling the newly damp earth of Autumn, "Talk to me," Eris' fingers reached for you, curling a strand of your hair around them and pushing it behind your pointed ear; his fingers continued to travel, hooking beneath your chin and gently tugging your gaze to his, "You haven't been yourself."

Eris towered over you, his breath crept along your cheeks as thunder cracked in the distance, a flash of lightening snapped across the sky, "How can I be?"

It wasn't supposed to be painful, pushing people away, but it was tearing your soul apart. In some way, you'd much rather be alone for the rest of your long life than risk anything ever happening to anyone you loved. Rhys was determined to take you, Eris was determined to not allow it, and you were determined to save them from ruin.

Sighing, you unwound the blockade around your heart, feeling it strain and groan as you gave it space to breathe, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," Eris watched your eyes glaze over, he watched that ring of fire dim, he watched as your bottom lip wobbled as you spoke, "I'm tired, Eris."

The High Lord figured as much, the bags that clung to your undereye grew larger each day, he had asked you multiple times if you wanted to talk, but you had denied it, you had been too focused in removing yourself physically so that if you really did then it wouldn't hurt as much.

I'm tired, Eris.

Those three words told him everything he needed to know. You were tired of life, you were tired of the betrayal and the lies, you were tired of the small voices in your mind telling you that you weren't worthy of anything good because how could any good being be used by the people who was meant to love and protect them?

Cracking walls allowed the storm to seep in, and Eris had been expecting it for awhile, he had monitored your anxious actions and sleuthing, he knew that the walls were due to collapse.

"Oh gods," your hand pressed on your stomach, leaving his own palm suddenly cold, you were trying to alleviate the pain dwelling inside of you like a demon, "How could they do this?"

The mere image of your face crumpling had Eris wrapping you into his arms as the last few weeks tore through the abyss toward you, clawing at the confinements you had locked them in. Sobs bubbled through your lips and Eris felt your tears soak through the cotton of his shirt, and all he could do was allow you to go through the motions. It was better to be held in your darkest hour than battle it alone. If all Eris could offer you was his shoulder and gentle caresses, then he would spend the rest of his life making sure he was there to lend them to you.

You had spent the last couple of days playing the memories of your life in your mind, ignoring the blank spots hidden within them, you were trying to figure out what exactly had been a lie, or what you could have done to deserve a life of chains and steel.

"My entire life is tainted now, I don't know what was real anymore. The bargain with Azriel, the shopping trips with Mor, researching with Amren and training with Cassian, painting with Feyre," you paused, "Even Rhys, when did he decide that I was better off locked away? When did he decide that it was best to spread stories of the monster of Velaris rather than the stories of his sister?"

The fond memories of dancing in Rita's until sunrise with Mor and Cassian had turned to ash alongside the moments you had spent with every member of your false family.

Eris ran his fingers through your hair, his fingertips grazing across your scalp, he knew you loved the feeling, and his chest rumbled as he spoke, "Do not fear the storm, y/n," his lips lingered just by your ear and you could faintly feel the parting as he spoke against the shell, "You are learning how to sail your ship. You will get through this, we'll get through it all, together," he pulled away from you but still held you in his arms, the flash of lightening slicing across his face, moulding with the light of the dancing flames dotted about the space in the form of tealights and lanterns hanging from the ceiling, "Just for now. Find a corner of your soul that feels good. And rest there."

Feeling seen and heard felt so foreign to you, but in Autumn, with Eris, you felt alive. Autumn had wrapped her doting arms around you and used her embrace to will you back to life, she willed you to find joy and passion, and perhaps even love.

Perhaps the Mother had sent Autumn to you to lead you to a life that would be worth all of the pain and loneliness. Peering up at Eris, you admired his beauty, the sharp but rugged look, the amber whisky eyes that reminded you of molten bronze, his stupidly perfect hair that Nesta told you constantly was something from novels, "Thank you, for making me feel alive."

Eris sucked in a breath and the candles burned brighter, their light covering the ceiling, "Thank you for making me believe that I'm worthy of being happy."

Extending your fingers over his chest, right above his heart, you frowned and asked, "You aren't happy?"

"I wasn't, but then you came, and now I am."

The smile on your face was radiant, soft and gentle, full of understanding, "We only have one life in this world, Eris. That's reason enough to stop holding back," silent permission sang to him and he rested his hands on the curve of your hips.

The demon within you didn't scare him, what Nesta had told him didn't scare him, nothing about you brought him any form of discomfort or doubt.

"I didn't stop thinking about you after I saw you Under The Mountain, you were humming a song that felt so familiar, your voice was so weak but so enchanting," he recounted, "I remember the light finding you like it always has, I remember the vacant look in your eye and the scuffle of your bare and bloody feet on the ground," Eris cupped your face in his hands, and your fingers drifted around his wrists, "That image haunts me, but that song, that beautifully awful thing has been the only thing to bring me any sort of peace since that place." Since Amarantha and Under The Mountain, "I saw you like I do now, wounded and hurting in so many ways, and I swore to myself that if I ever had the chance, that I would make sure it never happened again."

"The war against Hybern was won because of you, I saw you on that battlefield wielding that sword like it was an extension of yourself, you had rose from the ashes of Amarantha herself and tilted the scales in our favour," a gentle amused huff passed through your lips, "Then you aided me, you risked everything for my vision because you believed in it, because you believe in a better world for everyone, not just your own people. And then you came to me for help, because somewhere deep inside of you, you knew you'd be safe here, with me. And that night, on that balcony of the Day Court, for the first time, I saw you and I didn't just want to have you, but I wanted to deserve you. I asked the Mother for you, despite feeling undeserving, feeling disrespectful for ever thinking of it. Instead, I prayed to her to make me worthy of you."

Eris' molten bronze gaze was trying to tell you something, but you couldn't quite figure it out, not when he was looking at your lips like that, not when every fibre of your being was needing to mould itself inside of him.

"Do you know what the song is?"

Shaking his head, Eris muttered a small 'no', so you told him, "It's the song of your ancestors, the Symphony of Ash. I knew that it must have been awful to see me like that and you always used to say that you liked my voice, and I just thought that you could use a lullaby."

All air rushed from his lungs. You knew that he was watching you that night, and that song, that beautifully horrid thing, was for him. So that even if his nightmares kept him awake, you voice would lull him back to slumber, a song from his court that you had learned.

Even in the moments when you were worlds apart, strangers almost, you had still cared enough to spare him a thought of comfort in the days that weren't so bright for him either despite your own torture.

"That was for me?"

A delicate hum sounded from your throat, "Take it as a gift from one former betrothed to another."

"Former betrothed?"

Frowning, you pulled back slightly, but that frown soon turned to wonder, "You don't remember?" The blank look in his eye confirmed it, "We were supposed to get married before, well, I was locked away and you were directed to Mor. It was meant to be me and you."

"I remember our parents talking of it when we were children, but I didn't realise that it was ever real."

"It was very real."

Eris felt his soul burn, he felt your fingers curl around it, he felt your darkness kiss his fire, and he shuddered at the singing of his essence, "Me and you?"

"Us."

"Can I kiss you?"

You shouldn't. You couldn't. It would make what you had to do even harder. But it was Eris, it was his eyes and lips, his softness and adoration, it was the small boy you had grown up looking out for always without him even knowing it.

Swallowing hard, you moved closer to him, feeling electric as his fingers curled around the curve of your jaw, "Yes."

Eris lowered his lips to yours an he hovered there for a moment, preparing himself for the moment he had always desired, with the woman he couldn't get out of his mind. His lips were soft against yours, it was like kissing the sun, it was soul-consuming and scorching; his lips moved with yours as his hands ran down your spine to rest on the small of your back, pressing you further into him and slipping his tongue into your mouth when you broke for a moment to breathe.

It was a feeling you wanted to bask in forever, you felt light curl around you, you felt his warmth wrap you up in its embrace, you felt his lips on yours and his nose brushing against the tip of your own.

Fisting your fingers through his hair, you used his shoulders for leverage as he placed you on the countertop, your hands delved into his jacket and ran down his chest, and his gripped the skin of your thighs. Reluctantly, Eris paused before it went any further, exhaling deeply whilst resting his forehead against your own, "As much as I want to make you mine," his eyes delved into your own, "Our first time together deserves to be magical, and alone."

"Too right."

Freezing in position, you turned your head to find Lucien stood in the doorway, shirtless with his hand covering his eyes, peeking at you through his fingers. Eris threw his head back and groaned, cradling your head to his chest to hide your clear embarrassment from Lucien finding you both in a compromising position.

"I'm not judging," Lucien teased, "I just didn't expect to come in here to see you two with your tongues down each other's throats."

"Stop talking," you squeaked, cringing at his booming laugh, you blocked out the words from Eris, and instead waited until he scooped you into his arms, continuing to hide you from Lucien as he carried you upstairs and nestled into the bed with you.

Eris was bare bar his undergarments, his scarred chest shone in the firelight and you found yourself tracing the swirls idly whilst he pressed kisses into your hairline, allowing his thumb to stroke against your cheek.

"Tomorrow we'll figure out how to put a stop to this," he sounded so sure, but you knew he was scared, he held you a touch tighter as he spoke, "And then we'll live the life that we want to live."

His optimism was wounding.

Rhys was never going to stop, you knew him well enough to know that once he wanted something he would never halt his efforts to claim it.

After hours of serene chatter, you kissed Eris and told him to rest. As the firelight flickered to lifeless ash, when you knew that Eris was sound asleep and dreaming of you, you slipped from the bed.

Elain stood before the oven with a faint smile on her lips, excited to prod you with questions after what Lucien had so luckily found the night before.

Simmering sun poured through the windows, the storm had broke and the sun shone overhead, cascading her heavenly glow across the grass, caressing her animals as her light spread over Autumn. Birdsong chirped through the slightly ajar window, but Elain's smile had drifted, and her eyes had turned a milky white.

Night. Stars. Snow-capped mountains. A grey dress fit for a princess floating along the Sidra.

Gasping, Elain inhaled, she engulfed the air in her lungs, trying to locate you within it. But there was nothing there.

The shatter of the glass bowl in her hands was enough to cause both Nesta and Lucien to rush into the room, poised to attack, but faltering when they saw the wild look in Elain's eye, "Have you seen y/n? I had a vision."

"What vision, Elain?" Nesta approached Elain tentatively, her palms outstretched to connect with her sisters arms.

Elain gripped onto Nesta, "Of snow-capped mountains and a sky full of stars, of the dress she wore to Helion's party the day she denounced the Night Court drifting along the Sidra. I heard her crying."

Nesta snapped her gaze to Lucien, gasping when she saw Eris stood behind him, his gaze low and pulsating with fire as his chest rose and fell so fast that Nesta thought his heart would stop beating entirely. The room became hot, too hot, swelteringly so, and Eris brushed against Lucien as he approached the two Archeron sisters.

Placing his palms on the countertop, the same one where only hours before he was holding you and meeting your confessions with his own, Eris growled, low, and possessive, "Where is my mate?"

Author's Note

I am burning rn.

Taglist

@mybestfriendmademe @jesskidding3 @rosewood-cafe @fandomarchiveilyd @brujitafantomatico @crazylokonugget @mai-adaptive-dreams @magicstrengthandcourage @acourtofmoonlightandstars @ysmttty @lilah-asteria @circe143 @xyzmeh @paleidiot @namelesssav @amberlynn98 @acourtofbatboydreams @azrielsmate3 @ivy-34 @mp-littlebit @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @ifonlyiwerefiction @pirana10 @donttellthecats @padbaeamidla @oucereeng @andreperez11 @demonicbusiness @megscabinetofcurios @superspideyparker

[concreteburialplot]

Banana Spa

pairing: nicholas ruffilo x fem!reader

masterlist: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 9.6k

summary: you decide to treat your boyfriend to an at home spa day before he leaves for tour again :)

warnings/themes: established relationship, sugary sweet fluff ???¿ who am i??¿, briefly sad??, light sub/dom dynamics, soft dom nick, sub reader, massage, praise kink?, pet names sorry not sorry, bathtub sex, use of a shower head, v fingering, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, orgasm delay, pnv (unprotected), riding, semi-realistic? aftercare, caregiver nick, MUSHY SORRY, again nick has a big fat one, don’t think too hard about the logistics ok, 18+ MDNI

a/n; this originally began as a nice short fluffy piece but... alas, the sad and horny demons took hostage 😅 it's just who i am okay 😭 only sad for a bit though! kinda

a/n: don't like it don't read it. don’t be mean for no reason & let others enjoy things thnx :)

You stamped a knee at each side of Nick’s sides, settling yourself in his lap. His hands instinctively found your hips to have something to anchor to.

“Alright babe you gotta cooperate with me, okay?” You giggled, taking his cheeks in your hands.

He blinked up at you with his aqua eyes gleaming, so enamored with you to even care what you were doing in his lap, simply happy that you were there.

You began brushing hair out of his face and gathering it into a low, untethered bun to expose the entirety of his features. He was beautiful, nothing new to you of course, but at times like then, you couldn’t help but be awe-struck of him. He was yours and you were his.

You reached over to the table beside you to pick up some toner and soaking a cotton round with the liquid. You took it to his face, starting at his cheekbones. He hissed at the coldness of it against his warm skin.

“This smells so… chemically, are you sure it’s safe?” He asked as a half-joke and with a slightly nervous chuckle.

“Very sure my love.” A reassuring grin tugging at the corners of your mouth. “You think I would put harmful chemicals on your pretty face?” You swiped the cotton round down his nose and used it to boop the tip.

A barely visible peach coated his cheeks, if you hadn’t been so close to him, you would’ve missed it.

“I don’t know, maybe you wanna scorch my face off so the fans stop liking me.” A playful smirk draped over lips.

You rolled your eyes and squeezed his cheeks between your fingers, tilting his face upwards to meet your gaze. “Oh honey,” You cooed playfully. “The fans would simp over you even if your nose fell off.”

A true laugh rumbled through his chest and tumbled out of his lips. “Yeah, whatever.” He brushed off the statement as if you just told him the sky was green. “What’s next?” He inquired genuinely, letting his eyes drop back to your arsenal on the table.

“Hmm…” You peered over behind you and tapped your fingertips on your chin. “Oh! Yes, I forgot I got this for you!”

Your fingers plucked a small yellow glass vile. You twisted the lid and squeezed the rubber part between two fingers then released it to let the pipette fill completely.

“Let me know if this smell reminds you of anything.” You slowly and carefully slid the tip of the glass pipette across his cheek, disposing serum along the way.

His nostrils flared and restricted in short consecutive spurts trying to let the aroma fill his nose entirely. His brows knitted for just a second as he processed the smell before his eyes grew sparkly and excited. “Banana?” He asked with hesitancy still lining his words, regardless of the indistinguishable scent.

You giggled and love filled your entire chest at his adorable reaction. “I knew you’d love it.” You sighed happily and utterly love drunk.

“Hm, I love you.” He countered, admiring the pointed, concentrated face you wore as you focused on rubbing in the product. “That stuff’s made from bananas?”

“I love you too baby.” You smiled and leaned down to gently grab his face again, this time to bring your lips to his. A smile curled onto his lips against yours, sweetening the kiss. You couldn’t help but mirror the grin and savor the adoration. “Hm, I think banana enzymes or something? I don’t really know.”

You straightened back up in his lap again, using your curled index finger to tilt his chin up and swivel his face from one side to the other analyzing his skin.

“Admiring your work?” He laughed, feeling a little silly and a little insecure from being studied so closely.

“Just trying to see if you have any spots that need a little extra attention.” You hummed. “But surprise, surprise the man that only uses face wash has perfect skin.”

His chest puffed out a little involuntarily, as if you just invigorated him with newfound confidence after being so foolishly insecure. “Well, would you look at that.” He smirked.

“Yeah, yeah.” You waved him off jokingly before reaching to pick up a thin packet from the table. “Still gonna make you do a face mask though.”

He groaned, “No, no not the clay stuff again.” He winced at the memory of the chalky mud you had once put on him that somehow ended up all over his hair…and eyebrows, and ears, and fingernails, and ʘ necklace, and his favorite Paul Rudd Fanclub shirt.

The Great Face Mask Incident of 2023™️

You couldn’t help but laugh at the same memory. “No, no. I would never put you through that again.”

Nick let out a relieved sigh as if he had just gone through some war flashbacks. “Thank god.”

“No, I think you’ll quite like this one.” You pressed your lips together to not give away just excited you were to show him the mask you had in store for him.

You carefully pulled the folded sheet mask from the packet, letting any excess drip back into the pouch before setting it to the side. You then began delicately unfolding the thin fabric of the mask. Nick’s brows knitted together, and his head cocked to the side slightly like a confused puppy as he tried to gather what sort of potential torture device you were preparing for him. Finally, you unveiled the round sheet with the likeness of a cartoon tuxedo cat.

His silver eyes lit up the second he realized. “It’s Jerry!” It melted your heart at just how wide his smile got, all toothy and reaching his eyes.

You giggled and nodded, “It sure looks a lot like him, doesn’t it?”

Once you were able to keep him from wiggling around, you put the mask on, tugging it here and there to get it taut and symmetrical.

“There, now you look just like your son!” You chuckled behind your hand, looking at how adorably ridiculous your boyfriend looked.

He smirked as much as could beneath the mask, “Yeah where do you think he got his good looks from?”

You rolled your eyes and gently smacked his arm but there was no malice behind either action, “At least Jerry has humility.”

He gazed up at you with a small, sweet smile painted on his lips and love coating the soft curves of his features. “Yeah, that he got from you.” He said casually, like it rolled off his tongue without even thinking twice about it.

Your heart swelled so big in your chest that it was threatening to breach your ribcage. Nicholas had Jerry long before you entered the picture but since getting together a little over a year ago, Jerry had become your biggest fan. Since day 1 he followed you around everywhere and if you were resting on any surface, he was there to claim you as his temporary bed. In your time together Nick had never once even joked about you being Jerry’s other fur-parent. It was a small frivolous thing, but you knew the weight it held. You didn’t know if he had just said it without realizing or if he truly meant it, but in your heart, you were choosing to believe the latter. Either way you opted out of making a big deal about it.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” You gasped at your own brain urgently reminding you of a crucial step. You nearly leapt off him and bolted to the kitchen. Within seconds the project at hand was executed and ready for placement.

You scurried back over to him, this time standing behind his seat on the couch. “Alright, close your eyes and tilt your head back.”

“You got it boss.” He teased and did as you asked. It made you wonder just how much he’d cooperate with taking other orders – but that was a daydream for a much different day. “Cucumbers?”

“Somethin’ like that.” You held back a giggle and placed two banana slices over each closed eyelid. “Okay, all done!”

His nose scrunched up towards the objects on his eyes, “Bananas?!”

You finally let out the laugh you’d been holding back and placed a kiss atop his head. “Now you got all your favorite stuff, cats and bananas!” You circled around his seat and climbed into his lap again.

“And you.” He smiled softly while his callused hands instinctively found your hips again.

Your cheeks heated up and your stomach filled with butterflies. No matter how silly he looked, he could always get you to melt in his hands. “Oh, shut up.”

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?” He asked.

Your grin faltered a bit at his question, and you paused to think about your answer. You let your hand fall gently just below his neck, sliding down slowly while your fingers softly laced beneath the silver chain of his necklace. You let the thorny pendant rest on your fingers as you admired it. As much as you hated the calm before the storm and selfishly despised the reason for it, you knew it’s what you signed up for and what brought him the most joy. Your thumb ran over the thorny crown, grateful for the amount of time you’d been able to spend with him during this break. This was maybe your 3rd or 4th run at him leaving for tour and while you could tell that it was getting easier, it was extremely slow progress. It seemed as though each time felt like the first time all over again. Your eyes fluttered closed in a feeble attempt to tame the burning in your eyes and the tears threatening to appear. You took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in your throat knowing that letting him see you like that would not only ruin the moment but make him feel guiltier than he already did, which was exactly the opposite of what the activity meant to accomplish.

“Baby?” He pressed after you’d gone silent for a bit.

You cleared your throat and blinked the tears away, forcing a smile onto your face so that it could be heard in your words. “Sorry love,” You wrapped your hand around the pendant just hard enough that the thorns stabbed into your palm, perhaps hoping that the pain could force the ache away, or maybe in hopes that if you stamped yourself hard enough with him, he could always stay with you. “Just got distracted. What did you ask?”

“I asked why we’re doing this? I feel really silly right now.” He laughed, though a little less bright than before. You hoped that he hadn’t picked up on your energy shift.

“Oh, um,” You looked down and released the hold on his necklace, letting your palms rest on his chest. “Just wanted to pamper you a little, before you have to go work so hard.” You tried your best to keep your voice light, but the sadness in your voice was unmistakable, at least to Nicholas.

His smile fell into a small frown, and it made you wish you had just lied, but you were never much of a good liar, especially not to him. He reached up pulling the banana slices off his eyes and placing them on a paper towel on the table. Somehow, he looked even goofier with the bananas off his eyes.

You suddenly felt flushed under his gaze – regardless of the cat mask still adorning his face. It was unclear whether it was the normal affect he had on you that was making you blush, or rather the vulnerability he’d caught you in.

“Baby,” He let out a sad sigh, “Is that what this is about?” His hands moved up to envelope your hips again, rubbing small comforting circles into the flesh beneath your shirt.

You shook your head vehemently, “No, no, I’m just tryin’ to spoil you honey, you deserve it.” You tried for a smile but couldn’t quite reach.

It was clear in his eyes that he wasn’t buying it. “Oh, let me get this cursed thing off of me.” He said, his hands already going to peel up the edges of the sheet mask but failing miserably.

A grin did pull at your lips watching him struggle and decided to take over. “Here, let me do it.” You laughed, gently swatting his hands away and pulling it off yourself and setting it on the table next to the forgotten bananas. “For someone who’s so good with his fingers, that sure was hard for you, huh?” You teased, attempting to deflect from the seriousness you’d just caused. All you wanted to do was go back to the soft, happy bubble you’d created before.

His inked hand trailed up your body to cup your cheek. “I’m gonna miss you so much, you know that right?”

You rolled your eyes trying your best to hold up your strong exterior, “Yeah, yeah, whatever, we don’t have to do this. We don’t have to talk about it, okay?” It took every bit of energy you had to yank each edge of your lips into a smile.

“Hey, don’t do that.” He frowned. “Maybe I wanna talk about it?”

“But you dooon’t though.” You whined, pressing on his chest slightly. “We were having a good time and I ruined it.” You whispered. Your eyes fluttered down to where your hands met his abdomen, faintly crinkling his faded Slipknot shirt between your fingers.

“Hey.” His hand found your chin and tilted it back up to face him once more. “I’ll be back before you know it.” He reassured the obvious.

“I know.” You mumbled and found your eyes dropping once again, not bearing the strength to look at him for too long. “I know what I signed up for. I know that it’s part of loving you.” Your hand rediscovered his necklace, flipping it between your fingers for comfort.

“Just because it’s part of the deal, doesn’t mean it’s not hard, y/n.” His voice was more firm that time, trying to cement the severity of his words.

“I know.” You groaned, frustrated that he wouldn’t just drop it.

He sighed, “I’m just saying it’s okay to be upset about it. And it’s okay to talk to me about it.” His thumb grazed over your cheekbone, enticing you to look at him. “We’re a team, remember?”

You released a long exhale finally relaxing a bit under his touch. “I know, Nicky, I know. I just didn’t want you to feel guilty and,” Your hand went up to wrap around his wrist and your eyes darted somewhere far away from him. “I didn’t want you to think that I can’t handle it.” Before he could respond your fingers gripped his wrist harder and the burning in your eyes returned. “I can handle it, I can.”

The crack in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by the male and all he wanted to do was scoop you up in his arms, but he knew better than to smother you when you were that emotional. “I know you can baby.” He said gently, using his thumb to wipe away a tear that was on the verge of escape. “I never questioned that. And if I ever do, then we’ll work through it,” He gently tapped the side of his thumb on your cheek to bring your attention back to him. “Together. Okay?”

You nodded against his palm, nuzzling into his touch. “Together.”

“That’s my girl.”  He smiled and pulled you down into a sweet kiss.

You pressed your forehead against his gazing into his eyes, tonight they were particularly grey. “You’re too good to me.” You said so quietly that if he wasn’t nose-to-nose to you, he wouldn’t have heard it.

He shook his head as much as he could without disturbing the moment, “No, I’m not good enough.”

“That’s not tr-“ You began but were quickly interrupted by his lips on yours again.

“Ah, ah.” He hummed once he pulled away, “I won’t be taking any back talk.”

Your cheeks burned bright cherry red that time, no amount of makeup could conceal it. Even though his words were light, you knew he wasn’t joking. Nicholas was an expert at imbedding dominance in featherlight touches and sweet nothings.

“Yes sir.” You replied instinctively.

The energy spiraled between you two had shifted from silly to emotional, to something entirely different now. His hands trailed up your sides beneath your shirt to rest both on your lower back.

“C’mon, you took such good care of me, now it’s your turn.” Without giving you any warning he scooped you up. You squeaked at the sudden action but instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck.

“Where are you taking meeee.”

“Well, we’re having a spa day, aren’t we? What’s a spa day without a bubble bath?”

You melted into him, loving the idea of a warm bath accompanied by him.

Nick began drawing the bath making sure to add all your favorite additives as you stood patiently waiting instruction. Once he was satisfied with the way the tub was filling, he sat on the edge and beckoned you over. “Come here angel.”

Your cheeks flushed with warmth at the name, taking a couple steps to stand between his legs. He began tenderly undressing you until you were completely bare in front of him.

He wasn’t shy with the way his eyes wandered down your body. “God you’re beautiful.” His words riding an infatuated exhale.

The strawberry pink already present on your cheeks only worsened. “Shush.” You wave off his compliment and used your arm to cover your chest.

He stood and took your chin between his index and thumb tilting your gaze up at him. “I won’t ever stop reminding you of how stunning you are.”

You shook your head out of his grasp. “Shut up Nicholas.” You said shyly.

He took your cheek in his grasp instead this time, getting more control of you. “What’s wrong baby? Am I getting you all flustered?”

You were sure your face was beet red now. “C’mon Nicky, stop messin’ around, the bath is getting cold.”

A satisfied smirk tugged one edge of his lips, finding amusement and pride in your blatant embarrassment. “As you wish princess.” He began to undress himself until he was matching your nude attire.

Your eyes did the same as his did earlier and raked down his body, lean and inked on almost every bit of him. You’d been with him for over a year and you still managed to find new tattoos on him that you’d never seen before. His body was a spectacular and endlessly interesting museum only you had the key to.

He didn’t wait for you and stepped over the porcelain into the large oval tub, letting his body sink down into the steaming water. Almost instantly your exquisite museum was engulfed in mountains of bubbles. “Well, you comin’? You were the one complaining about water ‘getting cold’.” He teased.

You rolled your eyes and cautiously dipped your toe into the water. You hissed and recoiled at the scalding temperature. “Fuck that’s hot.”

Nicholas chuckled at your reaction, “Still think it’s getting cold?”

“Shut up.” You mutter.

“Just take it slow baby, let your body get acclimated to the water.” He sounded patient but his eyes didn’t match – the longer you were under his gaze, the more you felt like an animal of prey being stalked.

After a bit of time getting your lower body get used to the water you were finally able to sink down between his legs and rest your back against his chest. A small sigh of relief left your lips at the feeling of soothing comfort with him. No matter the problem or hindrance, Nick always made everything okay. He made you feel safe and taken care of in a way you’d never felt before. Getting that feeling from a rockstar who’s constantly touring wasn’t something you ever imagined possible, but somehow, it was with him. It took a while for him to earn your trust, especially at the very beginning, the first time he toured just a month or two after making things official. But he made sure to prove his faithfulness in a multitude of ways – from sharing his location to sending pictures and videos frequently to even sending you flowers or other small gifts to let you know he was thinking of you. Life with Nicholas wasn’t perfect, but it was a dream.

His fingers first found your shoulders, digging his thumbs into the wound-up tense muscles at the base of your neck.

“Mmm.” You hummed at the sensation and leaned further back against him. “That feels so good baby.”

“Yeah?” He asked, kissing the side of your head.

“Mhm.” Your eyes fluttered shut as you sank a little further into the water.

He spent some time working through the knots in your neck and shoulders. Wherever he pressed his fingertips felt like he was releasing a world of tension.

“That’s it, just relax.” His hands drifted down past your shoulders and onto your sides, using his thumb to rub circles into the muscles of your back - as best he could in your position anyway.

As his hands trailed lower you felt a flutter fill your tummy and settle in your core. You didn’t even realize you were squirming until his hands found and gripped your hips hard. “Stay still.” He ordered quietly just below your ear.

A shiver ran through you at his gravelly voice stealing the air in your throat. You did as he said, as much as you could, and hoped it’d be good enough for him. His fingertips lowered, beginning to run up and down the curves of your hip bones. The close proximity of his fingers to your core was starting to make you dizzy. You sucked in a harsh breath when his hands traveled further down to massage your thighs. His fingers were diligent and determined with their placement and tempo, using his thumb to rub tight circles into the flesh of your upper inner thigh. There’s no way he couldn’t feel you nearly vibrating under his touch, and you had to restrain yourself from grabbing his hand to put him where you needed him the most.

You felt his lips curl into a sinister smile against your neck. “What’s wrong princess?” He asked condescendingly. “Am I not helping you relax?”

“No, no. You are.” You almost stutter out, trying to sound as confident as possible.

“Hm.” He hummed, gliding his fingers up the inner side of your thigh. “I wonder… what you do when you get all wound up like this when I’m away?” There was an edge to his question that erased any indication of genuine curiosity.

Your eyes widened at the question and your mind went fuzzy blank. “Well…I…um.” Was all you could get out, pathetically.

“Oh, c’mon baby.” He lowered himself to just below your ear. “Use your words for me. Tell me what you do.”

Your heart felt like it was colliding against your ribcage incessantly while simultaneously pooling your rampant pulse in your clit. “I-I,” You took a breath in a feeble attempt to steady your breathing. “I touch myself.” You blurted out, knowing it was both the truth and what he wanted to hear.

You didn’t need to look at him to know how wide and proud his smirk was.

“Good girl.” He hummed. “Why don’t you show me where you do that?”

Your eyes widened once again, this time swallowing all the saliva available in your mouth. Hesitantly, you reached out beneath the water and took hold of his wrist, bringing it between your legs. “Here.”

He used his hand to slowly cover and cup your core before carefully running his fingers through you. You wanted to whine at the small sensation but knew how pathetic you’d sound. “Thank you for showing me baby.” He acknowledged your obedience. “But I want you to show me exactly what you do.”

You’d show him anything at that point to keep his fingers on you, so you nodded and covered his hand with your own. You guided him to your clit that was buzzing and begging for his attention. Your middle and ring fingers pressed into his and prompted them to start moving in circular motions.

“Mmm.” He pressed a kiss to your neck before nipping at the skin like a predator taste-tasting his meal. “That feels good doesn’t it?”

Your head lulled itself on his shoulder, already getting lost in the pleasure blooming at his fingertips. “Mhm.” You mumbled with drooping eyelids.

He took control of the movements almost instantly, starting a display of one of his many talents. He let you savor his actions for a bit, knowing that the further gone you were, the more pliable you’d be in his hands. “Is this all you do baby? Or is there somewhere else you touch?” He asked already knowing the answer, just wanting you to say it.

His plan worked, as it always did, and you were nothing but an obedient ragdoll for him now. Every cell in your body wanted to bend to him – he had magic in his touch, you were completely certain of it.

Without any verbal response you just guided his working hand down to your entrance. That’s all the convincing he needed and carefully slipped two fingers into you. He let out a small, low groan the feeling of how tight you were around his fingers. You could feel his already hardening cock throb against your lower back. The sensation of his member against your skin while he was using his fingers to fuck you was bittersweet because now all you wanted was his cock filling you up instead.

“God you’re so fucking tight.” He nearly growled against your throat. “I’m gonna miss burying myself in your pretty cunt.”

You felt like you could disintegrate into thin air from how good you felt – yeah, his fingers working magic was one thing, but his words melted you completely. Being complimented and wanted, no – needed – by him was a high that no orgasm could ever touch.

“I need your cock, Nicky please.” You whined without caring how desperate you sounded. “Please, I need you.”

“Oh bunny, you know better than to rush me.” He tsked before moving to do something you didn’t expect. He kept his one hand fucking his fingers in and out of you rhythmically while curling in ever so slightly but brought the other back down on your throbbing clit.

A gasp left your mouth as he effortlessly used both hands to fuck you in the most delicious way. You had already been close just from his fingers curling right into your sensitive spot but now with his fingers rolling against your nub you were seconds from oblivion.

“Fuck.” You spat out urgently. “Fuck, fuck, I’m close – s-so fucking close.” You whimpered out, squeezing your eyes closed trying to keep from coming undone before you were allowed. “Fuck baby, please let me cum. Please can I cum?”

All he did was hum an “mhm” against your neck before you were seeing stars. Tingles seared across your body and your walls pulsed around his fingers.

“That’s it, cum all over my fingers like the good girl you are.”

The praise only intensified the orgasm, causing your back to arch from him. Your face lulled into the crevice of his neck letting him vividly hear all the noises you were making for him. Nick loved your noises as much as you loved his words – he made a mental note to record you next time so he could have something on the road. He could get off on the sound of you alone.

He gently pulled his fingers from you and slowly tapered his action on your clit, but not completely. He retained an agonizingly slow pace on your now overly sensitive nub. He kept the pace slow enough so it wouldn’t be uncomfortable for long until you started to feel good again.

You felt him reaching beside you for something but were too fucked out to pay attention. “Tell me baby, have you ever used this to help relax?” His voice was buttery smooth like blue suede.

Your brows furrowed above your closed eyelids, wondering what he was referencing. When you blinked your eyes open, they rounded to see him holding the detachable showerhead and was suddenly grateful for the extra-long cord you’d opted for. You shook your head and answered honestly. “No.” You’d always been curious but never actually tried.

Nicholas was an expert at knowing when you were lying so he believed you. “Here.” He tenderly scooped up your hand, cupping it in his own like a spoon. With a flick of his other thumb on the showerhead, a crazed stream of patterned water jutted from it. He brought it to the hand he was holding and let the stream hit your palm. “Is that too strong?” He questioned genuinely wanting to know your comfort level.

As much as the strength of the water inspired some more flurries in your core, you nodded shyly. “Too strong.” It was typical for your responses to become minimal once you entered any level of subspace. Having that amount of trust to even fall into that headspace was a luxury you only ever found with Nick. Trusting him was easier than you’d like to admit, it came as naturally as breathing air into your lungs.

“Okay.” His thumb spun the filter onto another setting. “How about this one?” He questioned even though he figured it would be a no since it was thin streams of water lining an empty tunnel.

That one made you giggle and shake your head since it obviously wouldn’t provide much pressure. Nick smiled at your adorable giggle, filling his chest with so much warmth and love, he had no idea what to do with it all. He pressed a kiss to your head before flipping to another setting.

A perfectly tempered stream danced in your palm – not too strong, not too weak, and the jet pattern was an enticing rhythm. You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded. “Good.”

Nick’s free hand found your tummy, pressing it flat against your stomach and slid down painfully slow between your legs. Your breath caught in your throat at the anticipation of his touch. He tenderly spread your legs further apart before using his fingers to spread your lips apart, baring you open so that the jet stream of water could land precisely where it was needed.

“Now sweetheart,” He began. “You were so good for me. You did as I asked, you used your words, you asked for permission.” He lowered the shower head into the water, and you felt the jet stream hit your thigh. It was stronger than you expected and suddenly both fear and excitement pooled in your core. “I want you to know that this is a reward. This is what good girls get. Do you understand?”

Your cheeks grew warm, and your breath hitched in your throat at his words. Before you had time to properly prepare, the strong pressure of the stream pummeled into your sensitive nub. You let out a loud squeak as intense pleasure coarsed your body and down your limbs.

“Baby. I asked you a question. Do you understand that I’m allowing you to feel this good? That this is a privilege?”

Your hands gripped his thighs at each side of you and nodded your head enthusiastically, “Yes sir, I do.” You barely got your words out past your heavy breathing.

He smiled against your neck, “That’s my girl. My best girl. Now what do you say?”

Your heart flooded with lovey pride and your brain filled with nothing but him. He encompassed your very being, every cell of your composition belonged to him. “Thank you.” Your head fell back on his shoulder as he brought the shower head closer to your cunt, only intensifying the pressure. “Thank you, thank you.” You repeated like a prayer.

“God, I can’t wait to fill that pretty pussy up with my cock.” The end of his words resembled something like a growl.

His evident need for you went straight to your stomach, helping to weave a knot that was ready to snap. You were surprised you’d lasted this long since this was easily one of the best feeling you’d ever felt. Knowing that something as convenient as a shower head held so much power was dangerous, especially now that you associated it directly with him.

The jet propulsion on your clit was deliciously brutal, each wave hitting you harder than the last as your sensitivity increased. Your legs began to tremble from the sheer amount of pleasure building up in your body begging for release. “Nicky.” You heaved out while your fingers dug into his thighs. “I can’t hold it, please.” Your request drenched in utter desperation. “Please let me cum, I need to cum baby please.”

Nicholas hummed at the request, mulling it over in his head. If this were any other day, under any other circumstances, he’d string out your orgasm as far as he wanted, but it was a day of relaxation after all.

“Go ahead,” He whispered, bringing the shower head just a tiny bit closer to nudge you over the edge. “Cum for me, will you? And don’t fight it okay? I wanna hear you.”

And with that, another orgasm blinded you, this one ripping through you more violently than the last. Your entire body was in sparking, euphoric bliss. Curses, screams and moans poured from your throat, all laced with his name.

“Oh, that’s it princess, let it all out for me.”

And you did just that. He kept the stream on your bud through your high and somewhere between his grainy voice talking you through and your overstimulation, another wave of pleasure washed over you. Your throat grew sore from your incessant noises that now probably sounded like gibberish sprinkled with his name.

He slowly drew the metal shower head away from your core to carefully lull you from your high. You were nothing but a heaving, shakey, fucked out mess in his grasp.

“Good job baby.” He pressed a kiss to the side of your head. “You did so good for me.”

A lazy smile spread across your lips and nodded slightly. His warmth was the only thing tethering you to reality.

He let you recover from your orgasms before moving on. His hands found your hips once more and pressed you against him. You felt his own arousal thick and hard against your lower back and it reminded you of the ache between your legs that only he could fill.

“You wanna turn around for me baby?”

While you felt like utter mush in his hands, his offer sparked the potential of having him inside you, and that was something you didn’t plan to pass up on. You nodded and shifted around in the water, letting the liquid slosh around tub even spilling out a bit unintentionally. “Oops.” You giggled.

“Hi angel.” He says softly with a crooked smile painted across his lips the second his eyes meet yours. Sure, he held the reigns in the bedroom and most other areas of your relationship, but it was no secret that you were the one with complete control over him. You made him weak in ways he never imagined being, he would give you anything you wanted if you just batted your lashes at him. He was putty in your hands, and he loved it.

He looked so beautiful, and you suddenly felt scammed knowing that you had your back to him looking like that the whole time. His raven hair had fallen from the makeshift bun from the couch and was now splayed over his shoulders, the ends now damp and pointy. You couldn’t wait one more second without his lips on yours, so you scooped up his face in both hands and met his lips with yours. You broke the kiss to press your forehead against his, wanting to engulf yourself fully in his stormy eyes. “I love you.” You whispered.

“I love you too.” He replied matching your whisper. His hands found your hips again, pulling you towards him – not out of desire to intensify the moment, but simply to have you closer. “God, I love you more than anything.”

Peachy pink dusted your cheeks and the smile that his words brought to your lips was embarrassingly wide. You shied away from him and shook your head, “You’re being silly.” Out of all the grand things in his life, you were sure that you were the least exciting or interesting part.

His hand trailed warm water up your arm to pick up your chin, “I’d never joke about that.” His thumb grazed over your cheekbone, cupping your cheek. “I’m so grateful for the patience you’ve given me, given us. You might be the best thing to ever stumble into my life.”

Every atom in your body begged to mesh with him. It only took one exchanged look between you two for your bodies to rearrange so you could sit on his lap. Your lips collided, followed by a messy display of clashing teeth and hungry tongues. Your passion was fueled only by the blind love you had for him and your desire to prove that his love for you was warranted. Your fingers tangled into the base of his dark hair, tugging at it slightly needing every bit of him entwined with your very molecules. He kept one hand on your hip while the other held tangled in your own wet hair.

As much as you wanted to keep telling him how much you loved him, you couldn’t bear to break away from him even for a second. If you couldn’t tell him, you’d show him.

You rutted your hips up his thighs until you felt the base of his member rest against your bare cunt. He let a groan out into the kiss at the feeling of you against him. One of your hands fell from his hair to his length, your fingers instinctually molded around the silky soft flesh. It never ceased to impress you at just how big he was and no matter how many times you’d had him it never eased the ache of taking him.

His sizeable cock was decorated with bulging veins from the blood that coursed through him. Even though your fingers had grown to be expertly familiar with his anatomy, you still loved exploring him, tracing each vein with your fingertips. This earned you another grunt from somewhere deep in his chest and you pridefully smiled against the kiss.

You finally gave him what you knew he wanted, wrapping a hand around this girth and began palming him slowly. His member had a delicious upward curve to it that helped to reach the deepest and most sensitive part of you. Your mouth was watering at just the feeling of him in your hand – in that moment you could’ve sworn that you would do absolutely anything to have it inside you. It was not a want, but a carnal need.

He finally had enough and pulled from the kiss, “Baby, please.” He breathed out against your lips, his love drunk eyes heavy with lust as he looked up at you. “I need your pussy.” His chest rose and fell in time with yours, needing you just as badly as you needed him.

You nodded quickly against him before lifting yourself up enough to hover over him. Regardless of how much you wanted it, you still had to mentally prepare yourself for the initial pain. Nick helped align himself with your entrance while keeping a supportive hand on your hip bone. You exhaled a deep breath.

Sensing your hesitation, he gave your hip a small squeeze, “You can take it baby, just go nice and slow. We have all the time in the world.” He reassured you, letting you set the pace.

You nodded and carefully began to sink down on him. A hiss escaped your mouth at the way his width stretched you open. Your hand fell to his shoulder for support as you struggled to pull yourself further down.

Nicholas’ eyes couldn’t soak you up enough, he was mesmerized at the sight of you. He wished he could burn it into his brain. “God, you look so fucking pretty taking my cock.”

His compliment only made you more determined to push past the pain and discomfort. When you felt your cervix land on his tip you knew that was as far as you could take him. While you couldn’t reach his base fully, you were still surprised and proud of yourself for being able to take so much of him in that position.

He let out a low groan at the feeling of your cunt tightly enveloping his cock. “You feel so fucking good.”

You expelled a breath then swirled your hips with him still deep inside you. The goal was to adjust to his size before riding him. The stretch burned but you knew it’d sweeten once you started moving.

The way he gazed up at you made you weak and your body gave into him, falling into the crook of his neck. You began placing open mouth kisses on his tattooed throat while your hips started swiveling on him. Light, airy moans tumbled from you lips and onto his neck. His hands gripped your hips tighter, letting out a grunt from somewhere deep in his chest.

“Fuck,” He groaned, letting his head fall back into the ledge of the tub. “I need you to move baby, I need more.”

You nodded quickly, needing it just as badly. Your hands slipped off him to stabilize yourself on the porcelain ledge. It gave you enough balance to raise your hips up almost fully, before dropping them where he filled you the fullest.

“That’s it, you’re doing so good.” He groaned out, his eyes droopy and drunken by only his love for you.

The praise helped motivate you to keep going even though the stretch burned. But you got to control the pace and the depth you could handle – although part of you wished he did have control so that he would forego any hindrances and use you up fully.

You gained momentum on him, bouncing up and down on his cock. Water splashed everywhere, over the ledge and all over the floor but that was the furthest thing on your mind. The room was filled with moans, grunts and cursed from both of you. You felt the knot beginning to form in your tummy as did he. But his surprises weren’t done yet.

He reached over to where he’d placed the shower head, easily flipping it on to the previous setting. Your eyes rounded as he began to lower it towards the water and you shook your head vigorously. “No, no, no.” You cried. “I won’t last, please, no.”

His other hand drifted down your spine with a feather light touch. “Well, that’s the point sweetheart.” He hummed. “Don’t you wanna cum again for me baby?” He questioned patronizingly. You knew that tone and you knew it meant it wouldn’t be as easy as he was eluding.

He continued his actions and aimed the powerful stream of water directly at your clit. A jolt of pure electricity zipped up your spine and down your thighs. Your entire body shuddered at the sudden and intense sensation. Your fingertips curled into his skin, surely branding claw marks into his flesh. “God, fuck.” You exclaimed loudly, barely able to move.

“Now, baby, remember that cumming is a privilege remember? I could very well leave you all worked up with your pretty pussy clenching around nothing if you misbehave.” He warned. “Do you understand?”

You nodded quickly, slipping your tongue between your lips. But that of course wasn’t enough for him.

His hand tightened on your hip and brought the shower head a bit closer to heighten the sensation. “I believe I asked you a question darling.” His voice deep and raspier than normal. “Do you understand? You know I need to hear it.”

“Yes,” You shuddered out. “Yes, sir. I understand.” You couldn’t seem to catch your breath, the air in your lungs completely vacant. Your heart thumped so hard against your ribcage you thought it might shatter and burst in front of him and splinter his own chest.

“Good girl.” He praised. “Now, I don’t remember telling you that you could stop moving.”

You whined in near agony, squeezing your eyes shut and slowly beginning your movements again. “Fuck.” You lulled your head back, buzzing pleasure spreading through every bit of you.

“Faster.” He commanded. “Or I’m gonna make this very unpleasant for you.”

His sweetness was long gone and replaced by the Nick you had grown very familiar with. You’d never guess by his normal relaxed and reserved demeanor that he’d have this overwhelming dominance in bed, but you loved it. It was as though something in him would take over, like he’d try to fight it to stay sweet and romantic, but it rarely lost the fight. It was thrilling to watch his internal battle; you’d seen it so often that you had memorized the shift in his eyes and subtle change in his cadence.

You rarely chose to challenge his threats and today was no different, So, you began lifting and dropping your hips against his lap, taking in fully – or as much as you could anyway. His free hand slithered up your side to cup your breast, kneading the plump flesh in his grasp. His stare couldn’t seem to stay on any solid one part of you, darting from your tits bouncing as you moved, to your face contorting with the overwhelming pleasures you were experiencing, to down where you were connecting with him. He looked at you the way people look at monuments or ancient architecture. He didn’t care about a single other wonder in the world because he was convinced you were the only one in existence. You were an art museum to him, every single installation he could study for hours and never grow bored of your beauty and the delicate nature of your soul. He was utterly infatuated with and devoted to you.

It became difficult to continue riding him without getting sloppy from another orgasm building quickly in your stomach. Your clit was buzzing and threatening to tip you over the edge at any moment. The way he filled you up only made it worse – being full of him made the time without him even more empty. You’d never had someone fill you up so much, he made it hard to even clench around him. It was an incredible experience and one that would make having anyone else subpar. He had set the bar so high that it made it impossible for anyone else to measure up to him. If he ever decided he’d had enough of you, you’d spend the rest of your days seeking bits of him in anyone you ever let touch you. He’d certainly haunt you worse than phantom ever could.

Thankfully, from the way his cock throbbed and bounced inside you, told you that he was getting close too. Your heart thumped so hard in your throat that you questioned if you’d even be able to speak.

“I-I’m close.” You whimpered out. “Can I cum?”

He tsked at the request. “Now baby, I taught you better that. You’re forgetting my favorite word. Try again.”

Your palms dug into his chest at his rebuttal. “Fuck.” You closed your eyes attempting to stave off your orgasm. “Fuck, please.” You begged. “God, fuck, please, I need to cum. Please can I cum?”

“Hm.” He feigned a thought. “No, not yet. Hold it.”

You shook your head vigorously, “No, no, no, please I can’t. I won’t make it, I’m so close. I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop it.”

“You can and you will.” He said simply. “And if you don’t, you don’t wanna know how much you’ll regret it.”

His face was serious, but you could tell that the excitement was growing in his belly too. You swore that he thrived over your desperation, he loved seeing you squirm and bringing to the edge of your limits. It was sadistic the way he was fueled by your anguish. You don’t know if you’d ever admit it, but you enjoyed being commanded and used like a plaything. Being at his mercy was a thrill you loved chasing, especially knowing he’d always catch you.

You scrunched your eyes closed and bore down on your teeth holding on to the tattered thread left holding you on to your sanity. “Fuck.” You breathed out. It was almost painful how your sensitive nub throbbed beneath the powerful stream of water and how tight the knot in your tummy had grown. His tip assaulting your cervix intensified everything and overbearing pleasure was looming merely seconds way from shattering your resolve. “Fuck, fuck.” You whined. “Fuck, please, please let me cum, I need it so bad. Please I don’t want to disobey you but I’m so close, I need to cum, please – fuck, I can’t hold it, fuck fuck, please can I cum?” Your pathetic groveling was a pitiful display, but it was one that Nicholas could barely handle himself. He could get off from the hymns of your desperation alone.

“Fuck I love when you sound like that.” He groaned. “Fine baby, cum all over my fucking cock.” If he hadn’t been so close himself, he surely would’ve stretched out the torture.

As if you needed anymore help, he brought the shower head even closer. The heightened sensation instantly blinded you, causing your entire body shudder as sparking euphoria bloomed from your core. This orgasm was more powerful than the others due to the delayed pleasure and his length hitting your sensitive spot directly. The moans and curses that left your mouth were vulgar and smeared with the unholy devotion you had for him. Every cell in your body belonged to him just as he demanded it.

Your walls tightly clenching around him was his tipping point. “God, you look so fucking good with my cock so deep inside you.” He growled, gripping your hip hard enough to leave bruises behind. “Fuck baby you’re gonna make me cum.”

You were too lost in your own bliss to really hear what he said until you felt his length twitch inside you followed by his warm seed filling your core. If you weren’t so overspent, the feeling alone could’ve sent you into another orgasm – but seeing as you were still working through your own, you weren’t that concerned about it.

As you both came floating down from your highs, he flipped off the shower head and set it to the side ledge. You had fallen on his chest while your heaving chests rose and fell in time with each other’s. His fingertips raked through the slightly damp hair of your scalp. You purred and smiled at the affection gesture.

He grinned at the reaction, “I love you.” His buttery words fell from his lips in a tone just above a whisper.

Nick would never admit it, but he was extremely talented at almost anything he ever picked up. If he gave it a good honest try, it wouldn’t take long for it to become second nature. He never imagined that there would be anything in the world that would come easier than a graphite pencil or tattoo gun or almost any instrument he picked up. He knew his tattoo gun and his favorite guitar like the back of his hand and while he’d never fully believe it, he already knew you that way too. As with everything else, just because he was a master-of-all didn’t mean there were never any bumps or challenges or hardships – pencils snap, tattoo guns malfunction, and sometimes strings don’t want to tune just how you want them - above all else, Nicholas knew that the most. He knew the best things in life were never easy, but that never stopped him before and it certainly wasn’t going to stop him now.

“I love you too.” You muttered sleepily into the crook of his neck.

The satisfaction of inking a particularly difficult design or mastering a challenging new riff could never compare to the feeling he got from hearing you say those words.

“C’mon, let’s get you dry and warm.” He gently patted your hip and you nodded, using every bit of strength in your body to sit yourself upright.

Nicholas was incredible in his element. It’s one thing to be able to take control sexually, but it’s a whole other thing to be able take gentle control outside of that – and he did, effortlessly. He carefully pulled you off him and got you standing on your feet. He only allowed the air conditioning to dance on your skin for a millisecond before he wrapped a big fluffy towel around you. You tugged the terrycloth fabric so tight against your skin that you were sure you’d have imprints of the threads embedding into your skin. When you lifted your leg over the porcelain, you felt the familiar ache between your thighs that always came from loving him. It wasn’t the worst you’d felt, since you had set the pace, but the water supplied no lubrication, and you were definitely feeling the repercussions.

Nick wrapped a towel around his waist and unplugged the bath drain. When he finally made his way back over to you. When you were both barefoot it really emphasized just how much he actually towered over you. The water droplets glistening across his tan, inked skin made him look like a work of art. Your eyes traced his collarbones and landed on the thorny pendent you were fidgeting with before.

“Oh yeah, before I forget.” You didn’t realize what he was doing until he pulled the necklace from neck and gently draped it over your head. It landed way longer on your chest but it didn’t matter. Your fingers found the pendent and immediately rubbed it for comfort.

“I can’t take this.” You claimed, but the smile that had already made home on your face said otherwise.

He smiled and took your jaw into one hand and placed his other hand over yours covering the necklace. “I’ll always be with you now. If you miss me or get anxious just squeeze it, and I’ll be right there with you. Okay?”

Tears burned your eyes, but you were determined to keep it together, the last thing you wanted to do was cry in front of him naked and shivering. You nodded quickly, “Thank you.” You whispered, hiding a sniffle.

“You’re welcome baby.” He said and placed a quick kiss to your forehead.

He gently grasped your shoulders giving them a little rub to warm you up before guiding you back into the bedroom. The edges of his lips dipped into a frown the second he noticed your limping.

“Oh baby, did I hurt you? I knew we should’ve gotten out of the bath-” He always began to panic ramble if he thought he might’ve hurt you or not taken care of you properly.

You giggled at his worrisome nature and placed a finger over his lips. “It’s okay, really.” You reassured and watched his anxiety disappear. “But it does hurt.” Your lips pulled together in a pout. “Fix it?”

A small smile pulled across his lips and he nodded knowing exactly what that meant.

The time after with Nicholas somehow always felt more intimate. He was driven to love you the best way he knew how, and you relished in the safety he wrapped you in. No matter how rough he got in bed, afterwards he always handled you like a freshly plucked gardenia. He was convinced that if he even grabbed you the wrong way you’d crumble. But he loved it, he was sure that if he was put on this earth to do one thing, it was to take care of you.

After applying some numbing cream where you ached the most and getting you into some fresh pajamas, you were finally exactly where you wanted to be. You were tucked right into Nick’s side, cozy under the covers, sharing a pint of pistachio ice cream while watching reruns of your favorite mutual comfort show.

You looked up at him when he laughed at something silly in the show and the glow from the tv illuminated his features beautifully through the darkness. In that moment, he gave you every bit of reassurance you needed to handle him being gone. You were his and he was yours, and as long as you loved him, he’s always come home to you if you let him.

He glanced down at you, catching you in your admiring stare. The edges of his lips pulled taut into a wide, toothy smile.

“Bob’s Burgers is over there you know.” He teased, tilting his head across the room.

You giggled and burrowed your face into his chest. “You’re much more entertaining.”

He chuckled in disbelief, “Am I?”

“Mhm.” You hummed, getting sleepy the second your head touched his chest.

He laughed softly and precariously plucking the empty pint of pistachio from your dozing grasp to put on the bedside table. He pulled you closer to him and tugged the fluffy duvet higher to cover you both.

Before you let sleep envelope you, you felt his fingers tenderly massaging your scalp. “I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too, Nicholas.” You hummed back lovingly, nuzzling into his chest.

Taglist; @neverknoah @lma1986 @baddestomens @deathblacksmoke @philomenie @blacksoul-27 @thcfountain

A/N; Thank you so much for reading, i hope you liked it, lmk if you did<3

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

new fetish alert: asking AK-15 to cuddle with her as the big spoon, never getting insomnia again

(GFL) A quiet moment with AK-15

I know this was a joke (probably), but I had the cutest thing pop into my head after reading this ask.

Truthfully, 15 was a little uncomfortable with S/O's request for her to hold them.

Being a T-Doll, if she wasn't careful she could harm S/O, to say nothing of her own strength, unique to her.

The same arms that could crash through concrete and enemy tanks, was now holding one of the very few humans that meant something to her.

Her face remained unflinching, but with how awkward the embrace was, S/O could tell something was bothering 15.

Or rather, unsurprisingly, she wasn't used to this.

(S/O) "You okay, Fifteen?"

Their voice barely went above a whisper, with 15's deep voice matching their tone. At least to make the environment to sleep in more comfortable, since she didn't really need it like a regular human did.

(AK-15) "If I may ask...why do you want me to hold you? It is quite dangerous for a human to remain this close to me."

She felt their chuckle throughout her body, seeing that S/O was only an inch or so away. Regardless, before answering her question, S/O nuzzled even closer.

(S/O) "As strange as it sounds...I feel safe whenever I'm with you, Fifteen. Your arms really strong so, it kinda feels like nothing can get to me but you."

15 remained silent at that, trying her best to conceptualize their reply in her head to the best of her understanding.

Slightly frustrating her that she couldn't, 15 instead sighs but obliges S/O anyway.

(AK-15) "If you insist, then I will not object."

Her eyes glanced down and saw them smiling, eyes full of love and staring straight at her.

(S/O) "Plus, your reactions are cute.~"

Though the attention didn't make her outwardly show any reaction, internally she didn't know how to respond.

Yet another thing that frustrated her. She sighed, more out of habit than anything despite the fact she physically didn't need to, asking another question.

(AK-15) "You say that you find my reactions cute yet...You know I have trouble conveying them properly like you do."

15 felt S/O snake their arms away from her waist and toward her face, gently brushing a strand of her hair out of her face.

(S/O) "With facial features? Sure, that doesn't really change. But I think what you're doing right now counts."

With that came a playful tap on her nose, causing 15 to blink as a reaction, the gesture confusing her even more.

(S/O) "You could say it's part of your charm, so to speak. I know you always have your actions speak for you, even if you struggle showing it with words or whatever."

S/O's eyes traced down to her lips before leaning in for a quick but passionate kiss, 15 shifting closer to close the distance.

When S/O leaned back, their head sunk into the pillow while still facing her.

(S/O) "In the end, I fell for you because of you who are. Everything, good, bad, I don't care. They're still you. If you want to change, I want you to because you want to. Not just because of me, or anyone else."

(AK-15) "...I see."

Her eyes averted meeting their loving gaze, instead pulling them into the hug they asked for in the beginning, this time stronger than before.

(AK-15) "Thank you for your patience, S/O..."

As her hands finally found a comfortable resting spot on their back while pushing their head under her chin, she spoke up again.

(AK-15) "RPK-16 once told me that I should try to smile, if at least to make some of the soldiers at ease."

S/O's eyes were closed, the edges of their consciousness starting to drift off as sleep beckoned them closer.

Despite that, S/O responded, summoning all their strength to listen to 15.

(S/O) "What did you respond with?"

(AK-15) "I rejected her idea as the other members of DEFY could do that for me, RPK included."

Her fists instinctively clenched, still being mindful of her lover and not wanting to accidentally crush their spine, instead wrinkling their shirt.

(AK-15) "But ever since I met you...I've been thinking about that exchange again. I cannot convey well wishes the way others do...And yet you still accept me for that."

She remained silent, unsure of how to properly say what she wanted to.

With a yawn, S/O chuckled and reassured her.

(S/O) "Heh, humans are weird like that, as I'm sure you've noticed. I'd argue that you're more like us than you realize too, Fifteen."

Their voice finally dropped low enough to the point 15 could recognize they were about to fall sleep.

(S/O) "...I'll help you smile from the heart, 15..."

(AK-15) "...I will hold you to that, S/O."

Hearing nothing in response but soft breathing, 15 decided to go into low-power mode herself, all the while holding S/O close to her.

===

BONUS:

After stepping into the Commander's office, 15 gave a quick salute before speaking her piece.

(AK-15) "Commander. If I may trouble you, could I show you a smile I've been practicing?"

The Commander's eyes widened slightly, lowering his paperwork as they leaned into their chair.

(Commander) "Practicing? Heh, must be about S/O. Alright, go ahead and show me what you've learned."

15's smile caused his body to stiffen and vitals to quicken.

Though he wasn't flustered by a pretty woman giving him a smile.

He was absolutely terrified by the woman looking like she was about to sadistically tear him limb from limb.

(Commander) "It uh...C-Could use a little more practice. Has...anyone been telling you how to smile?"

15 immediately reverted back to her stoic self, making the situation that much more jarring.

(AK-15) "No, sir. It's something I've been practicing by myself and what recommendations on the internet has provided."

The Commander made a grunt in affirmation before reaching for his receiver, clicking a single button.

[G36's Voice] "Yes, Master? May I help you?"

(Commander) "Please call Springfield up to my office. AK-15 and I require her expertise."

(AK-15) "...The smile is not proficient for S/O, is it?"

Knowing the T-Doll in front of him appreciated honesty more than anything else, he was still hesitant as matters of the heart should be handled a bit more gently.

Not that he'd know from personal experience. Even though he was still single, everyone still came to him for relationship advice.

[chigirizzz]

distraction.

synopsis: akito tries to apologize to you, his dear deaf friend, after a miscommunication.

"dialogues in italics" means it's communication through sign language. 1.6k wc

akito thought you were a distraction. not because of your disability—hell no, he wasn’t that type of person—, but because you reminded him of himself. you, who appeared out of a sudden, who was so different yet so identical to the ginger; you were a distraction to him. oh, and because he liked you too.

he screamed dramatically, hands pulling his hair as he stared at the ‘sign language for beginners’ book. school was already hard enough, but this? this was unnecessarily complicated! maybe he was doing something wrong… or maybe it was because his head was constantly replaying the moment you ‘yelled’ at him. anger wasn't the typical color that akito would paint on his mind when thinking of you. he'd paint on his mind soft, warm colors. because that's all you made him feel.

although akito was a very nice person, he could also be extremely stubborn. it was stupid. it was very stupid. he had loved many people but that never stopped him from following his dream. he felt… another type of love when it came to you. the type that made his stomach and heart hurt whenever you weren’t around. the type that would steal his breath whenever you were around.

you were a simple person. a simple person to the world, at least. in fact, some people saw you as kohane’s shadow since you were her cousin (and because she was the only one out of the vbs members who knew sign language; you used a notebook and pen to communicate with them). for the ginger, your beauty as a person was indescribable. no poem or song ever created could translate the feelings he felt upon laying his eyes on you for the first time.

he closed the textbook and laid his hands flat on the desk table so they could rest from practicing sign language. one second passed, two seconds passed. five minutes passed.

“ugh. fuck this shit.”

akito admired you. despite being deaf, you showed a really big passion for music. everytime someone sang at weekend garage you were there, looking at the singer with hearts and stars in your eyes. you’d sit close to the speakers too, in order to feel the vibrations from the music. you’d even try to help the vbs members with songwriting—that’s how akito found out how powerful and beautiful your feelings on paper were.

not only that, but you were the one who was always right there for him. sure, the others were there too, but he found himself feeling safe and sound around the mix of your silence and sympathy. you'd either draw something or write some nice words for him whenever he felt insecure about himself. he admired you. he felt grateful for you. he loved you.

he hated those feelings. he couldn't even focus on music the same way as before. you were a distraction to him. only him, no one else agreed with the boy. you were someone so different yet so similar.

that is also how the argument between you both started. a miscommunication. you found out how the boy thought you were a distraction and you assumed it was because of your disability. you felt hurt and insecure and started screaming at akito in sign language. he was already learning it by himself to surprise you, but you did the hand gestures so fast and with so much anger that he barely understood anything. it was nothing but a miscommunication. akito was mad too, of course. however, he decided to practice sign language even more, just so he could apologize.

his heart started beating fast and his stomach felt like it was being squeezed. was it anxiety? was it hunger? was it anger towards an for texting in the group chat, earlier in that morning, as a joke, about how you couldn’t watch them practice on the weekend because you distracted akito? probably. akito knew his friend didn’t meant any harm, they had always been like that in the presence of each other. but adding you to the joke was unnecessary.

“shut up!” his sister, ena, screamed from her bedroom when he screamed dramatically again.

“you shut up!” there was no point in arguing with one more person but the words came out of his mouth anyway. he scratched his head, thinking of what to do now. boredom was consuming him slowly.

he thought and thought but no idea came. how to think when so many things were on his mind? it felt like white noise to his eardrums.

he needed to clear his mind.

the fresh air of the night kissed his skin, strands of orange hair danced at the same rhythm as the leaves of the trees. his legs took over him. one of his hands was peeling the skin of his lips.

he arrived to weekend garage. dim, yellow lights greeted him as he opened the doors. there was music, someone was singing. he seated by an empty table close to the doors. akito didn't want to be recognized by anyone, especially ken or an. he wanted enjoy the moment and distract himself from his thoughts. it had been a long day.

a few minutes passed and akito started feeling uncomfortable. the urge to sing had awakened inside his veins, making his blood thicker and hotter. but he knew he wasn't mentally prepared that day.

yeah, no, going here wasn't a good idea.

akito was making his way towards the exit when he bumped into someone.

“sorry.” he apologized to the stranger, tone of voice dry. it was then he noticed he bumped into you. “y/n…” eyes wide opened as akito looked at your surprised face—said surprised face that was turning into an angry one. “wait, y/n!” the ginger tried to chase after you but you were too fast. he stood on the outside, eyes watching you run away from him. “fuck…” the night’s air no longer seemed to be kissing him; it was tickling him and making his skin itchy. the music inside the establishment was like it was mocking him.

“akito?” the boy recognized his friend’s voice in a second. an.

“oh. it’s you.”

“i see. i didn’t think my stupid joke could put your friendship in risk.”

“well, it did,” he said. akito noticed the sad facial expression an did and bumped his shoulder against hers lightly. “hey, don’t worry. i’m not mad at you anymore,” he reassured her. “i’ll fix this.”

a smile was back on an’s face. “i want to help!”

“there’s no need.”

“yes there is! without me you’d be nothing!”

“without you this wouldn’t have happened!”

but an was too stubborn and helped akito anyway. he just wasn’t expecting the plan to trick you into going to the roof where he would be waiting for you. convincing them of talking to you won’t work. trust me, is what she told him. whatever. as long it worked.

the boy felt hurt when you tried to leave from his sight again, but this time he convinced you to stay.

the sun in the sky was hot, the air was dry. akito didn’t know if the sweat beginning to form on the back of his neck was due to the weather or due to you being there, looking at him with uninterested eyes.

“so?” you wrote in your notebook. the pen was held by you with a lot of strength, but it still felt like it was almost slipping from your hands due to them being moist. “why are we here? what do you want?” in the few months akito knew you, he never saw you like that. so defensive, so confused. “why am i a distraction to you?”

the last question made the boy feel even more guilty. he ignored how you offered him the pen in order to write what he wanted to say, choosing to speak in sign language. “you were never a distraction to me. i admire you too much to ever think of you like that.”

your eyes widened in surprise seeing the hand gestures. it was not everyday you encountered someone who knew sign language (besides the people in your family).

“you got the wrong idea. an can be an idiot sometimes,” he looked at you, making sure his hand gestures were right. your focus on him was enough to tell him he was going well. “but she didn’t mean any harm. when she texted on the group chat saying you distract me, she meant…”

“she meant?”

“the reality is that you remind me of myself. from your passion to music to your determination, i admire you so much to the point you distract me. you’re all i think about. you’re the air i want to breathe.” he paused for a few seconds, his hands getting tired. “it was never because of your disability and i respect you too much to insult you in any way. why would i even do that?”

you looked at him with shining eyes. “really?”

he nodded. “i want to spend my everydays with you.”

akito waited for your answer, heart beating so fast it shook his eardrums. he gulped; it was the first time your silence felt uncomfortable to him. meanwhile, light in your eyes could be seen due to akito's words. you were no longer angry. you felt bad for thinking that one of your closest friends could ever betray you.

akito saw you moving towards him, just so you could wrap your arms gently around his torso. he wasn't much of hugs, but for you he'd do anything. he hugged you back, eyes closed as he listened to the sounds of the world around you both.

perhaps he could use sign language to confess to you too.

tags: @kitorin

[34saveme34]

Sever the Ties - another smg34 fic by yours truly

[Very excited to post this !!

CW: obviously angst, self harm (mainly once), in general a lot of death mentions, no actual deaths though

word count: 11243

Although SMG3 didn't like it when 4 helped him, he convinced him through endless whining to help clean the cafe after the chaos his USB caused (Why does that sound familiar?).

It took the whole day, both were way too exhausted. 3 sat down on one of the chairs guests would usually sit on. A lot of emotions were boiling in him.

“Whew, we’re done, finally!” 4 exclaimed, stretching his arms after completing such a grueling task.

“You didn't need to help” 3 said, contempt dripping off his words. But he was still holding back.

“It's my fault so I kind of did”

3 just sighed and got up, not wanting to further engage in conversation.

4 looked confused, but also upset.

“Dude! Not even a thanks?” he pouted

3 looked back at him, a sort of coldness in his eyes 4 didn't like to be subjected to.

“Thanks for fixing your own mistake. Now scram” he didn't yell, but he wasn't exactly calm either.

“I’m sorry… it wasn't on purpose I promise I… I hope you can forgive me, 3” 4 pleaded, looking 3’s way, his big eyes reflecting off all the sorrow he was feeling about the situation. 3 looked away but that face already made an impression on his mind. It was hard to stay mad at him.

“I know…” his voice was so gentle “This is just how it is with you sometimes, isn't it?” 3 joked, looking back at 4. 4 frowned.

“But! It shouldn't be… I’ve gotta make it up for you somehow…”

“Please don't…” 3 whined.

“I promise it's gonna be good!” 4 gave him a double thumbs up, as he left with an excited grin. 3 could feel a plan cooking up in 4’s brain, there was no way to stop him.

He shook his head, chuckling to himself.

“What did I do to deserve this?” he spoke to himself, with a stupid grin he couldn't wipe off. As he was trying to cope with the idea that 4 could ruin him further, he felt his furry son greeting him by nuzzling his foot.

“Hey there, boy!” as if he was absolved of all worry, he lifted Eggdog in his arms, hugging him. He earned excited barks for it.

“At least I have you” he petted him then put him down. He still felt kind of bittersweet.

He left to his evil lair, and immediately hit the bed. He felt too emotionally unavailable for the shower right now. The bathroom in general. Walking by the mirror in there simply made him feel dread. He didn't think he could develop such a repulsion towards his own image. His whole living place kind of became hell for him for this reason.

He couldn't sleep, it just wasn't working. He got up. His clock read 2 AM. He sighed. Something was on his mind.

“I should get rid of them…” he stared at the statue of himself. Every second that passed as he stared at it, he felt he couldn't even get out of his own merch’s shadows. It all made him feel sick. He got up, and started throwing out everything that used his likeness. All the plushies, cardboard standees and other merch he still had on hand. Not the statue, not yet. He had something special for that.

He put all the merch in a pile and lit it all on fire. It was sad to see but he felt relieved in some way as well. They had been haunting him for weeks at that point. Although the amount of money he spent on these was kinda sad to see go. Just another financial mistake of his, these felt common for him at this point. And it started so well too, with how much he got his hopes up, he plummeted that hard. He barely even realised he started to cry. He wiped his eyes, trying to compose himself but he only started crying more, and not so softly anymore. His breathing wasn't calm either, his brain felt like melting. So much pain in him, trying to turn him into nothing. He looked up at the sky, wondering where he could have gone wrong.

It took him a bit to calm down. He was glad that everyone was probably asleep at this point. The sadness slowly turned into twisted anger. He got up, walking up and down beside his fucked up bonfire, trying to calm himself.

“What did I even do to deserve this? I’ve been trying so hard- I went through so much! I thought I worked enough on myself to have a good life now” he stared up at the sky, as if he expected the stars to have an answer. But they were deadly silent.

“GOD DAMN IT, GIVE ME A REASON” he screamed, still staring up, as if blaming some sort of god for the way he was now. He was once again crying. He harshly sat down. It hurt but at least he wasn't only feeling his emotions that way. The thought made him stop, as he slowly looked to the fire, perhaps bad things forming in his brain. The more he looked at it, the more the fire made an impression on his brain. The way it was so strong, going up but dissipating soon too. It kind of reminded him of himself. Would anyone miss him if he became one with the fire?... Or  was he too much of a coward? He pulled off one of his gloves, his expression still wore sadness. He pulled his sleeve slightly up, not wanting it to catch fire. He reached in. It was kind of overwhelming. His mind felt empty from the pain. He pulled back suddenly as the pain really settled in him,even if it hadn’t been there for that long, crying out again. He couldn't believe it, he was crying again… Why was he such a failure?

“...3?” he heard a soft voice come from behind him, all too familiar. His heart sank. He couldn't look.

“...3! What… What's wrong?” the voice came closer, it seemed he was not getting off the hook with this one.

“Why are you here?” 3 spoke, his voice was strained from the crying.

“I couldn't sleep because of our link… I could feel something was wrong…” 4 kneeled down beside 3, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. 3 wasn't sure how to feel. His hand was hurt. It hurt so fucking much. Why did he have to be so fucking stupid?

4 grabbed his burnt hand. But he didn't say a thing. He was gentle too, he could see how much it hurt. 4 sighed softly and pulled 3 up.

“Wait, what the hell are you doing??” 3 tried to get away, pulling himself from 4’s grip.

“I want to help. This can't continue”

3 stared at him, so many thoughts attacking him. He felt awful.

“Like you could do anything, dipshit!”

4 was about to look offended but visibly held back.

“If you let me, I can. Please, 3… You know I care about you, right? It's awful to see you like… like this” he grabbed 3’s shoulder firmly, once again beginning to pull him back.

3 sighed.

“You won't let me go, huh?”

“Never ever” 4 smiled at 3, trying to be hopeful. 3 cared too… He really did.

4 took him inside then searched around everywhere he could to find something to treat 3’s burns. As he looked around, that's when he realised all the merch was missing. Their absence made him feel kind of uneasy. He thought for a bit then called Meggy.

“It's 4 in the morning” she sounded upset.

4 went outside, leaving 3 alone inside the cafe. 3 looked his way, but he didn't feel like going after him.

He was on the phone for a bit, probably about a few minutes. 3 didn't go outside but still stared the entire time. 4 came back inside after putting his phone away.

“I called Meggy, she has stuff for your burns”

3 frowned.

“You didn't need to-”

“What were you doing anyways?”

3 looked down, not wanting to look at 4 as he said those next few words.

“Burning merch”

4 was shocked. That's when he put together that what he saw then was all the merch burning.

“What?... What for?” 4 sounded so sad. It killed 3. He wished he could smile at him again.

“No one wanted them anyways, and I hated staring at them only catch dust”

“Still… I… has it really been this bad?”

“I’m surprised you didn't notice…. Then again, you're not exactly best at catching on things”

“Hey I-...” 4 looked down “I guess you're right”

Neither looked at the other. The tension…

Meggy stepped inside the cafe, which got both out of their sudden silence.

“Hey, guys, I brought some burn ointments, I came as soon as I could!”

“Why do you have it anyways?” 3 asked.

“You never know when you might need it!... And my time in the kitchen often leaves me with burns-”

“Fair enough” 4 commented, nodding. It made sense, Meggy is a shitty ass cook. 

4 and Meggy treated 3. 3 was kind of glad they stopped questioning why this even happened. He really really didn't want to talk about it.

“So” 4 started. Oh no.

“What?” 3 didn't dare look at either of them, playing with the bandage they put on his hand.

“What's wrong, SMG3?” Meggy folded her arms, looking concerned. 

“He burnt his merch” 4 told Meggy since 3 was rather silent.

“What??” even she was shocked. 3 was starting to feel like an utter clown, this was torture.

“Yeah… and I feel like it's my fault…” 4’s voice was filled with sorrow. 3 perked up for that, staring at 4 with an expression that was hard to read. It slowly turned soft though.

“It's… not actually” 3 sighed. It was his own fault. 

“I-... I think I still want to help… especially because I think I found something that could help your business out”

3 looked at him confused and scared. Whatever was in this man’s mind could only lead to bad things.

4 took his phone out and showed a picture of a billboard. It had the number on it to call if you wanted to rent it.

3 looked at the picture. Back at 4. Back at the picture, back at 4. He tilted his head. Meggy looked confused as well.

“You could advertise like this!”

“4… I hate to break it to you but I don’t have that kind of money right now”

4 shook his head.

“I’ll pay for it!” 4 pumped a fist into the air cheerfully. He was serious about this.

3 went so wide eyed, not even sure what he was supposed to say.

“THAT’S A LOT OF MONEY, YOU IDIOT???”

“3’s right, 4… that’s a rather big commitment”

“I don’t mind it!”

“The fuck you mean you don’t mind it??” 3 was rather flustered now. The grand gesture proposed to him made him feel all sorts of things.

“I wanna make it up to you, 3… for all the times I had mistreated you” 4 put a hand on 3’s shoulder. 3 was so flustered he didn’t even know what to say anymore. He wasn’t used to being treated so special. 

“Damn, that’s so sweet of you 4, I wish you cared about me this much” Meggy teased 4, 4 didn’t seem to get what she was going for. She didn’t feel like elaborating. 

“Are you sure?” 3 finally got some words out. Didn’t mean he looked any less flustered though.

“Yeah! You deserve it, man!” he patted 3 on his back then pulled him close by the shoulder. It seemed 4 was rather touchy today. And Meggy started to feel awkward about third wheeling. 

“So, guys, I’m gonna go back to sleep now, you’re welcome for my help” she waved them goodbye quickly. It was so interesting to see the 2 get along in their own ways but she still felt like she was intruding on something she shouldn’t.

3 felt like he was left to succumb now that he was left alone with 4. He couldn’t believe that he wished for Meggy to stay longer.

It took everything in him but he just couldn’t… he couldn’t keep it in. He hugged 4. It took a bit but 4 hugged back. They were silent, the hug was long. He wasn’t exactly a fan of affection but 4 got the best of him. He couldn’t help it at this point. 

“You sure are affectionate today” 4 teased 3 softly.

“Not my fault”

“Heh… is it mine?” 4 grinned.

“Yeah yeah” 3 pulled 4 away gently “And now it’s over”

“Thanks, your hugs are nice”

“You do realise how that sounds, right?”

“Well… Sometimes you’re a little gay with the homies, right?” 4 joked. 3 facepalmed. 

“Whatever…”

They stood around for a bit before 4 spoke.

“Say… will you be able to sleep like this?”

3 didn’t even think of that. With the way he got, he almost thought today would be his last day.

“Uh… I don’t know, I probably just… won’t”

4 squinted at him, having none of his bad behaviour.

“No way”

The 2 stared at each other, 3 looking kind of angry, especially since 4 didn’t budge.

“What are you gonna do, beat me to sleep or some shit?” 

“No… That’s mean”

“It’s not like you would cuddle me to sleep-” 3 said. He already said it and he couldn’t take it back. The words he didn’t mean to just put out there but now 4 knew. He knew that 3 considered cuddling him to sleep.

“Not a bad idea… then in the morning we can start on preparing for that billboard!”

3 grew so red.

“I DIDN’T SAY I WANT TO”

“Then why did you bring it up?”

“And why are you so for it?”

4 blushed himself, now that he thought about it further… It was a pretty weird idea.

“This once?” 4 pleaded, with those loser puppy dog eyes. 3 sighed.

“Fine”

“Though… you should shower first”

“Being picky now, aren’t we?”

“I can help you with that too” 4 smiled, feeling kind of powerful that he could tease 3. He got slapped. He realised it was kind of deserved.

“Fine, I'll shower. Very VERY far from you”

“I was just joking! I swear!”

3 sighed and shook his head. He couldn’t believe he could be this close to this idiot.

3 showered and came back to 4 by his bed. It was kind of weird but he also sort of looked forward to it. In like a weird, twisted and awful way. He looked away from 4 to the statue he had of himself. It filled him with dread.

“Hey, 4, before we sleep… can you help me bring this out of here?” he pointed at the statue.

“Is it really necessary right now?”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep with it around”

4 got up, guess there was no other way. They moved it out of the room together, although they had to take it apart a bit so they could fit it out of the door. For the night, they left it in the cafe lounge, he would worry about it later.

Now came the time to sleep. 3 got kind of flustered at 4 opening his arms for him to sleep there. He didn’t even let him go far away, keeping him close, as if he didn’t want to ever let him go… Only 4 knew that that thought was kind of accurate. It was so so uncomfortably comforting, 3 fell asleep pretty fast. If it wasn’t so weird, he’d ask to do this more.

Next day came by, 3 was slow to stir awake. He kind of didn’t feel like getting up. The warmth of 4 was a bit too nice… What the the fuck do you mean? Get yourself together! 3 wriggled himself out of 4’s hold and went to the bathroom to splash his face with water. He had to get himself together.

But man… He still missed it. How could he even cope with this?

He went back to his room and sat beside the still sleeping 4. He still couldn’t believe 4 just cuddled him last night. He thought he would never do something like that. It kind of intrigued him in a way. He wondered if he made this side of him trigger with what he did last night. He frowned, thinking of the possibility. He didn’t want to hurt 4. At least… he hoped he didn’t want to hurt 4. The idea made him kind of sick. 

He only realised how intensely he was staring at 4 when he woke up, his eyes meeting his own. He suddenly turned away, as if he hadn’t been looking at 4 for who knew how long at that point. 4 smiled about that, he was glad to see that 3 cared. Although he didn’t speak up about it… It was still too early for him. He lightly tugged on 3’s arm.

“What?” 3 looked at him unamused.

“Coffee?” 4 requested with one simple word.

3 just stared at him. 4 frowned.

“Pretty please”

3 rolled his eyes, he got up and went outside to make one for 4. 4 took that time to still relax in 3’s bed. He didn’t think it would be so nice sleeping beside 3. Although the idea was spontaneous and if the circumstances were different, he wouldn’t have done it… But his need to see 3 okay won him over like this. 

3 was brewing the coffee, while it was going, he phoned some dude up, apparently from the dark web. As soon as he put his phone down, a shady dude came out from the floor and took the disassembled statue, leaving a few coins behind for a fair trade. 3 picked them up. At least he could get a little money out of his sudden spring cleaning. 

3 went back down to 4 with the coffee, made to 4’s liking, he knew his taste pretty well at this point. Even if he didn’t have a lot of customers anymore, 4 would still come every once in a while. 

4 took the coffee, taking a sip, he hummed with delight.

“Great as always” 4 commented, drinking more of it. 3 was glad that even if his business was dying, he still managed to make banger coffee that 4 liked.

“Thanks”

“No no, thank YOU”

“Whatever, you’re welcome” 3 smiled, folding his arms.

“Hey… don’t you wanna come beside me” the warmth radiating off of 4 was quite beckoning.

“What would I for? Not like I have business with you”

4 deflated.

“You kinda do, considering what we talked about yesterday…” 4 pulled out his laptop “I guess you don’t want to save your business?” 

3 went wide eyed. He accepted defeat and sat beside 4. 

“So… we should probably put together your ad!” 4 exclaimed “Now I uh… I had this idea for a while… and I made some mock ups!” 4 said and opened up a folder that held a few images.

They weren’t exactly well drawn and 4 didn’t have the most legible writing. 3 often had to lean in close to see them. After looking at them all, he looked at 4 and chuckled.

“I see graphic design is your passion” he teased.

“I did this for you!”

“They look like shit”

“Nooo,,”

“What were you even trying to write here?” 3 opened one of the images back up.

“It’s-! I… I don’t remember? Ahaha” 4 laughed awkwardly. 3 rolled his eyes, somehow not believing this idiot could make himself look even less smart. 

“Let’s start this again…” 3 got up and brought back a pen tablet. 

“Didn’t know you had one of these”

“I got it not too long ago actually! It’s great to use” 3 took 4’s laptop in his own lap and plugged in his tablet.

“Uh-” 3 started “ do you mind if I download the software for it? It works better that way”

“Sure, go on… just don’t get me viruses!”

“I’m not as much of an idiot as you are!”

“You sure like grilling me today”

“It’s just what I do” 3 laughed. 

After he downloaded the software and set it up, he started to mock something up in ms paint, aka man’s best friend. Nobody does it like you, my dear, Microsoft paint!

It actually looked better than what 4 did, although the tablet definitely played a part in making it better. 4 noticed it was an advertisement for a job.

“You want to hire?” 4 pointed it out.

“Yeah… I think it would be the solution”

“Huh… wait” 4 inspected it more “That’s… not a lot of money for this kind of job”

3 frowned.

“I… I know but I can’t currently offer more”

“Man.. are you really that broke? You can come stay with me if you wa-”

“No way. Never”

“Okay…”

“You’re really obsessed with me…”

“I… I’m just worried about you… yesterday made me realise how I could easily lose you if I didn’t well… yeah”

3 shut up for a bit.

“... I was afraid you’d say that”

The 2 stayed silent for a bit. Lots of feelings around the 2.

“I’m honest though, man, I care a lot”

“I know already ugh just… yeah… I’m sorry, I should be glad you’re helping me”

4 chuckled.

“I’ll still take constructive criticism, but ONLY if you’re not too mean”

“I can try” 3 laughed.

They continue to perfect the ad. It turned out pretty pathetic in the end but at least it got the message across.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a while since they put the ad out. The more time that passed, the more it felt futile. 3 felt worse than ever, not only did he have a dying business, he also had 4 spending so much money on him and for what? He felt like shit. It was hard to force himself to keep the cafe at least a little clean. And keeping up with daily routines had never been so hard either, as much as it was then. It was killing him from the inside. He wondered if it was even a good idea for him to move there and start this.

However each time he was slowly succumbing to the dark, 4 pulled him out and helped him. He sort of became an unofficial worker in a way. 3 hated that. Not only did he spend so much money on him, he also helped him around without asking for compensation. It made him feel weak, as even this much help didn’t pull him out of it.

It was especially an awful day. He didn’t even try to open the cafe, he just stayed in his room with the lights off. It had been weeks at this point and there still wasn’t anybody coming to help him out… He wished he could’ve done better. But maybe he was just destined to be a miserable shadow of someone better… 4, he was… great. 3 wished he had half the success. The jealousy in his brain had only been growing. He always tried to push it to the back of his mind for the sake of 4, he didn’t want to hurt him. 4 was too great for something like that. He didn’t want to further bury him in his own burden. 

“3? Are you in here?” he heard 4 call out to him from the elevator. He just couldn’t stay away from 3, no matter how many times it seemed reaching out to him wouldn't work out further.

“I’m fine” 3’s voice was muffled by the fact that he was underneath the covers, his face smothered in his pillow.

4 frowned as he walked up to 3’s bed. He sat beside 3. He hesitated for a bit but leaned down to hug 3. 3 didn’t want this… He loved it.

“3, c’mon man I’m…. I’m sure someone will answer your ad soon enough! It’s too early to give up”

“4… listen” 3 sat up, pushing 4 off of himself “I’m… I’ve failed. I don’t get why… you just don’t give up on me at this point. What’s the point of helping me if it doesn’t lead anywhere?”

4 could only stare shocked, not wanting to admit that those words were just uttered to him.

“You can’t say that…”

“I’m right, 4… I think it’s too late for me… just… just let me rot here”

“But… I don’t want to”

“Leave”

“3…”

“Why don’t you get it? It’s futile. I’m not worth it, 4. There’s so many better things and people you can put all this energy into”

“You’re.. you’re…” 4 was lightly shaking, he was really upset by that “You’re more…” tears slipped and streamed down his face.

“Look at you… I’m the reason you’re like this” 3 admitted “It.. genuinely might be better for you”

“WHY do you WANT ME TO STAY AWAY SO BADLY???” 4 got up, upset, crying, accusing, tired. Exhausted. 

“BECAUSE I DON’T DESERVE YOU AT ALL, YOU’RE STRUGGLING BECAUSE OF ME”

“I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO HELP FOR ONCE”

“IT WOULD HELP IF YOU LEFT ME ALONE”

“AND LET YOU ROT??” the tears wouldn’t stop coming, only becoming more intense.

“YES, IT’S WHAT I DESERVE”

“NO! NO! NO! NO IT’S NOT TRUE” he cried, not sure what to do or say anymore. 

“Just… leave… it will be better for the both of us. Make your funny videos”

4 felt almost betrayed, it seemed no matter how hard he pressed, he couldn’t get through 3 anymore. He left, feeling undone in a sense. Yes, the situation had been draining him quite a bit but he did it for his friend, his friend who he really really cared about! A friend he would give the whole world for if he could. And yet, here he was, leaving because he kept failing 3. He felt like shit. Of course when he wanted to be there for 3 fully and help him achieve his dreams, that’s when things would turn this sour. 

He might have gone back to his room now but the inspiration wouldn’t come. The thought that he failed 3 just occupied his mind too much. He knew how bad it was to miss uploads but he just… He couldn’t do this. He decided to release a community post, saying that there would be a bit of a hiatus until he was able to resolve something. He sighed, trying to look for a way to make things better. He wondered if he should really just stop. If 3 was right about the fact that he just needed to stop and leave 3. But the more he stayed away, the more it felt like the whole in his heart, the place 3 took for himself only got bigger. Like a fatal wound.

It had been days since he was told to leave 3 alone. He decided to check on him again, even if by force, he would make something happen. He entered 3’s lair, looking for him but finding nothing. His room looked as messy as ever, nothing was that out of the ordinary. Except for the fact that 3 wasn’t here. 4 started to grow more and more worried. 3 was gone. 3  WAS GONE. WHERE. IS. HE? 

He alerted his friends, who also came to help, though not everyone. Just Meggy, Tari, Saiko, Mario, Luigi and Melony when she wasn’t sleeping. They searched and searched, especially 4, it was almost like he never stopped searching. Day and night he would go to the cafe and look around, often he didn’t even sleep in his room if he would sleep at all. It was the only thing he had of 3 in that way, although it wasn’t as comforting as he wished it to be. But it was more than nothing and he should be grateful. Although it was kind of silly, he looked through the burnt merch, and while he found nothing in tact, he found a plush that was still recognisable. Just seeing it made him cry. He kept it. It turned into a charm for him, not his good luck charm, rather his charm of hope. Hope for the idea that 3 is still out there and that he would be able to find him.

He was reaching the end of his ropes, but then he realised. He could reach out to 1 and 2 for help! Yes, that’s it… He called the 2, scared, they could tell based on his voice that things were NOT good.

“So… you don’t know where he went?” 1 questioned.

“I… yeah… but I… I can still feel that he’s still alive… I know it”

“Alright, we’re gonna teach you a bit of a complex move to help you track down SMG3. You… really need to concentrate. And calm down” 2 looked concerned.

“Yeah, you look super tense” 1 commented, also concerned.

“Sorry sorry… I just really care about him”

“Yeah… He is your partner after all” 2 pat him on the shoulder “it’s only natural”

“He’s also… my friend” 4 could cry all over again. He didn’t think that one day he would be here, feeling dysfunctional at the thought of SMG3 of all people leaving him behind. And yet…

The 2 both grabbed 4’s hand, trying to channel for him. 4 tried to take a deep breath to concentrate. This was for 3… He would do anything for 3. He couldn’t fail him again. 

Suddenly, 4 felt sharp pain in his stomach, which made him fall to the ground.

“Are you okay??” 2 looked worried, 1 was too.

“I’ve never seen something like this happen…”

“Huh?” 4 looked up, shocked at the revelation.

“This shouldn’t be possible” 2 noted as well. This only made 4 more visibly worried.

“Not possible?” 

“Look… I think we should try again” 1 sighed, he knew it had to be done “As much as I’d rather not, I want to try and see… if we can figure it out”

4 nodded, not really fighting it. If it meant they could find 3…

They once again all held hands, and it happened again.

“Hmmm… he only wants you” 1 noted.

“How do you know that?” 2 looked at him, also puzzled.

“I was paying attention to the force stopping us. It was clearly pulling 4 away from us, not the other way around. It only wants you”

“But I- How do I do it on my own?”

“We’ll help from- from here” 2 tried to reassure 4.

“We can’t lose hope yet” 1 also tried.

4 had a headache coming on at this point but he persisted. He wanted to see 3 again and make sure he wouldn’t come to harm’s way ever again.

“Okay… yeah, you’re both right” 4 tried to concentrate. Linking his own hands kind of helped, almost like making a loop link. He closed his eyes. It felt like he was transported in a different place.

He couldn’t see anything much, beside a shadow resembling 3. The shadow knew he was there and that he wanted answers. It didn’t speak directly, only whispers but seemingly not coming from the shadow entity directly. The whispers were incomprehensible yet somehow 4 was still given an image in his head, it burned into his mind. The scenery of a castle that felt impossible. It felt familiar to him in a way. It bared resemblance to Peach’s castle that once stood proud and tall but missing important things, looking like an abandoned version of it. With dark energy emanating from inside.  But he could feel it… 3 was there. Waiting for him. He… He wanted him to come? But… Only him… nobody else… He would have to…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He sat up, he didn’t realise it before but he was put in a bed.

“Hey, you’re finally awake!” 2 said coming beside him.

“What… what happened?”

“The move drained you and you passed out” 1 said, also noticing that 4 woke up “What did you see?”

“It was a castle but… he wants me to go alone”

“What, alone?” 

“That’s just…”

“I have to” 4 stood up from bed “I think… I guess we have a score to settle”

“Are you sure about this?” 1 asked.

“I’m… I am, yeah. What’s the worst that could happen anyways?” 

“A lot can happen”

“At least I’ll see him again” 4 got up and left the 2 SMGs without another word. Both concluded that 4 truly grew desperate. 

4 left on his own, well… Not entirely. He had memes just in case something went wrong. Or if he had to escape a life or death situation. Anything felt possible at this point. He even started to make peace with the idea that he’d get badly hurt anyways. At least he’d be able to see 3 again… maybe with his last breath, he could hold him again… Although that might have sounded a bit too sad. His biggest wish was still to take 3 home and make everything work out again. Turn everything back to normal… What was normal anyways?

He arrived at the entrance of the castle. It was boarded up. He thought for a bit… How should he get through this? Although he didn’t like the trend, he summoned a tik tok, one of those where the food on a plate had bites taken out of it to the beat of a song and then the plate as well. The tiktok managed to chew off the boards to the beat. At least it was useful for once.

He went inside, it was oddly dark, though he could tell it was supposed to resemble Peach’s castle to an extent. but rooms seemed to be missing, which made the main hall even bigger than it was before. The emptiness of it was slowly making 4 anxious… No, he had to keep moving! 

He didn’t have a flashlight with him, which made it a bit hard to explore. But he moved along anyway, concentrating. He could feel 3. He knew he had to be there. He felt infinitely close. As he moved around, he noticed eyes. Eyes were staring at him and only him. More and more of them. Paying attention to every little movement he was making. Not only that, they felt uncomfortably familiar. He didn’t like thinking about it… He didn’t want to go back to the day he lost so much. He felt more and more anxious. 

But the eyes would only stare. But  even if they were only staring, they had him surrounded. It felt like that day, feeling so isolated against your will. Being forced into solitude, something you never wanted in the first place.

He sat down on the ground. He didn’t know what he should do.

“Are you here?” 4 called out softly, his voice shaky. He was way too nervous from this.

He didn’t get an answer back. Only eyes that came closer and closer to him, closing in… Until it was all dark.

It was all dark until a screen was put in front of him. It was bright from being all white, 4 took a bit to adjust to it. There was text on it in black.

“Scared?” it read “Don’t be. It’ll be over soon”

4 looked terrified. Over soon? Will he actually die here? Sure it was a thought that crossed his mind but- but he wasn’t ready for this!

“I just want him back…” 4 sobbed, tears rolling down his face.

“How selfish” the text read. 

“I want him back so I can fix things… make it up to him”

The screen went blank for a bit. It left 4 more nervous.

“3… I uh…” 4 panicked, not knowing what to say “You know- we need you, man. The crew isn’t the same without you! You’re important!”

The screen still did not show an answer. 

“What should I do…” 4 didn’t know anymore.

“Leave” the screen showed simply.

“No… That’s the one thing I can’t do. Not anymore” 4 grabbed the screen, finding something within himself to keep going “I can’t leave without him”

the screen shone bright, covering 4 in brightness, pulling him inside. 

After a whole black room, he was inside a whole white room. Somehow it still felt the exact same, even if he could see now. 

4 thought about what meme could help him in this situation. His mind drew a blank. What was he supposed to do in a blank room? He got up and walked around. Maybe he can find a weakness to this room. He pushed around, finding the edge of the room. He pushed with all his might. Although he wasn’t very strong. Then he got an idea.

He pulled out Beeg.

“Grow, boy!!” 4 commanded him with a big, determined smile.

Now usually Beeg wasn’t one to listen but knowing what was going on, he grew bigger and bigger, pushing at the room more than 4 could ever. 4 cheered him on. 

The room collapsed, they were… they were inside the same room where… Oh. Memories.

Beeg shrunk and went back to 4. 

He walked up to the table in the room. It felt just like the one in his old home. It was furnished similarly, even with the demonic keyboard. He resented looking at it. The fact that he got it made him feel awful all over again. Maybe it really would have been better if he just died there… But 3 saved him. Now it was time for payback. 

“So, what do you want me to do?” he called out. 

He looked around, seeing no one around. Or that was what he thought until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around but he saw no one. He felt confused… Then he could feel a poke at his side. He looked, nothing. Another poke coming from the other side. He looked, still nothing. And then another. Then another. Faster and faster until he was more annoyed than scared or confused and was also starting to feel a bit dizzy. He swore he could hear laughing.

“Hey! This isn’t funny!”

The poke attack suddenly stopped, as the monitor on the table turned on, which caught his attention. It had his editing program opened. The clips, pictures and sounds that were in the library were all too familiar to him.

“Is this some kind of sick joke? You know I couldn’t make that video by myself!” 4 was rather annoyed again. Why did he have to relive this again? He sat in front of the computer but didn’t touch the keyboard.

“And why is this thing here? Do you really expect me to work with it? I… I don’t want to go back to my lowest point”

The keyboard emanated an energy that made 4 feel so scared. He forgot how it can… manipulate you. He was about to reach for it but- he had to stay strong! This could not be the end of his story. Not the end of THEIR story. With 3. He knew… There had to be a way. If 3 saved him before, he had to pay back. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it was his fault for 3 being gone. 

He grabbed the keyboard and broke it in half. It screamed in its eldritch ways, releasing black blood. There was a lot of it. The monitor turned off.

“You’re not getting me like this! I don’t want a perfect video, I want you!”

4 stopped for a second. Only after saying it did he realise how odd that sounded. But he meant it. No matter how uh… not so straight it sounded.

He got up, looking around the room. He couldn’t wait for whatever entity was around to mess around with him even more.

He noticed a camera following his movement. He got close to the camera, trying to see if he could find a source or reason for it. 

“You think I’m gonna feel shame for being broadcasted?” the camera turned around, instead showing footage it recorded. It had a lot of 3’s rants to himself. How many times he was stuck being the loser out of the 2 of them. How even when they turn out to be friends, he got the shorter end of it all. How everything around him only seemed to fall apart. Especially… when he and 4 got even closer. 4 felt shocked. He never knew he could feel this much emotional pain but… here he was… Being shown that he was only a source of failure for 3. 

The screen of the camera turned off after it finished showing everything.

4 didn’t know what to do with himself. He… He didn’t know he hurt 3 so much. He felt so miserable. And conflicted, would it really be best for them to… part ways? 

He stared at the turned off camera, trying to just… process everything.

The camera turned on again, although the screen was black but something seemed to move closer, like a dark shape, the dark shape reached out, in the form of a hand. 4 panicked and quickly backed away from the camera. The room went dark on the side of the camera, but the figure, although dark, was still noticeable through the dark. Especially for those red eyes. Those iconic red eyes… this was no doubt 3. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 4 cried. 

“I did now” 3 spoke, his voice echoey, coming from all directions.

“What… What happened to you?” 4 was so scared. So devastated.

“I embraced the shadows… If you don’t fit anywhere else, why leave?”

4 didn’t know what to say, all he could do was cry.

“I wish I could’ve been there for you more, 3”

“You only would’ve ruined things more”

“But-”

“Now leave… or I’ll do something awful”

“You-” 4 was having none of that “I… I’m standing by what I said. I’m not leaving without you”

“Well, if you say so” 3 walked up to him, grabbing his hand. It was cold… It felt uncomfortable.

“Huh- What happened to you? Why… is your hand so cold?”

“What, you miss soft SMG3’s warm little hand or something? You miss when I held back?”

“What- What are you saying?”

“I’ve always felt miserable. This” he held his hand, intertwined with 4’s hand “Has made my life hell”

“Our… Guardian link?”

“Exactly” 3 squeezed 4’s hand but it wasn’t comfortable. Somehow there was still something behind it. Something that gave 4 hope.

“What?”

“Well, it’s something we have to live with, of course it’s not gonna always be a great time! It doesn’t mean you need to destroy the world over it”

“It can be broken”

“Our link can be destroyed and I know how to do it”

“WHAT??”

“I CAN FINALLY BREAK AWAY FROM YOU”

“DO YOU REALLY HATE ME THIS MUCH???”

“THE OPPOSITE, YOU IDIOT”

“What..?”

“This link… This link gave me feelings I never wanted. I never wanted to feel nice about being close to you. It made me feel awful. Each fucking time. Yet I let you in, because this stupid fucking link made me weak about it. This stupid guardian link is at fault…”

3 gripped on 4’s hand even harder.

“3… no if- if you destroyed it- WE DON’T KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN, THIS IS SO SELFISH OF YOU”

“WELL FUCK, LET ME BE SELFISH SOMETIMES, YOU PIECE OF SHIT”

Some sort of red-black energy appeared around the 2, and familiar marks appeared on 3. The energy 4 could feel was familiar too… and scary.

“Anti meme energy..? Where-”

“You’re right” 3 laughed “In the end it’s truly the answer to all my misery!”

“No! 3! This is too dangerous! What if you got hurt??”

“I’ll take the risk!”

slowly, the marks appeared on 4 too. 3 was too strong… holding him back took everything in 4 and it still wasn’t enough.

The moment the link between the 2 was severed. It felt like 4 died. He didn’t but it felt like he did. Something beautiful inside him was gone now. the marks turned black, his hand was too.

He could barely stand, falling on his ass.

3 didn’t seem better. Even if he had the power of whoever was on his side now, it still didn’t change the fact that he got rid of something in himself that was deeply inherent to him. 

The 2 just laid there, facing each other. The pain they felt made it too hard to move. 

The emptiness 4 felt was unbearable. Even if he was able to get up, he didn’t know what he would do. He really didn’t anymore. He wondered if this was meant to happen.

3 took a while himself, he was clearly hurt, even when he got up. He moved slowly, pain in every step he took. He didn’t dare look 4’s way. He was wondering if it was only the pain or if he actually began to regret what he had done. He didn’t feel like figuring it out, so he left the room, leaving 4 by himself. 

4 just laid there. Maybe he should just… not do anything… What was it worth anymore?

He closed his eyes, thinking about everything that happened in his life. All the memories, friends he made. All the time when he thought he made amends with 3, only seemingly repeatedly stabbing him in the back instead. Honestly, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself anyways knowing that he did that. Maybe he was being dramatic but… Whatever.

It felt like an eternity when he heard commotion from outside. He didn’t really care to check. He kind of embraced death at this point.

“4!! SMG4” he heard a voice he did not care to check.

“OH NO!” another voice came right beside him “I think he’s still alive- let’s take him back”

He was too tired to protest, even if he didn’t want to go.

The journey home felt kind of dull. Knowing what 3 did, it just… it broke him. He felt like it wasn’t only their link… that even disregarding that, in general the fact that 3 chose to depart from him hurt him in many other ways. He… really came to like him over the years. Seeing how he became so selfless, so helpful, so amazing too… 4 still kind of felt bad that 3 couldn’t see that about himself. He wished he was less stubborn and told him more. Though he was sure that wouldn’t have changed a thing anyways. But still, he wished he could tell 3 more that he found him so amazing in ways he never did with anyone else… he… he loved him.

4 suddenly shot up, the realisation hitting him like a truck.

“Woa-” Meggy was one of the ones who carried him, momentarily losing balance from 4’s sudden movement.

Mario was on his other side, he seemed to take 4’s stupidity better. One could say he was used to 4’s antics.

4 took a bit to catch his breath as they all stopped.

“Are you okay?” Tari came running to him.

“I think I love him” was all 4 could say before starting to cry. Truly, today wasn’t his day. Lots of tears.

“As in… SMG3?” Meggy asked.

“Yeah…” 4 looked down.

Mario patted him on the back.

“Mario knew you would realise at some point”

“About time, these last weeks have been ridiculous” Clench came out too. He was rather annoyed with the 2 at this point.

“It’s not that unexpected, yeah” Meggy chuckled.

A lot of the others held a similar reaction, no one seemed surprised.

4 didn’t look too happy though.

“He left… he left me there” 4 spoke again, looking up at the sky. He still felt way too empty.

“What happened anyways?” Tari asked.

“He…” 4 tried holding back the tears. Not very successfully at that. “I… I’ll need to discuss this later with SMG1 and 2…”

Everyone left him alone. The rest of the road back home was rather gloomy. 4 was starting to feel like it wasn’t only him who felt 3’s painful absence. 

They helped him in his room to rest for a bit. After a while, 1 and 2 came into his room.

“We heard you wanted to speak with us” 1 said.

“Yeah… It’s bad”

“We could tell based on your black scars” 2 commented, pointing at how bad his face looked.

“He… He broke our link”

They both looked at him shocked, then at each other. The reaction made 4 feel even worse.

“That’s… how did he…”

“With… anti meme energy… I don’t know how he got it but… I have a bad feeling about this in general”

“Tell us everything” 1 had a determined look. 

4 proceeded to tell them about everything. The way he was approached by 3, the weird dark change of his appearance, his comment of becoming one with the shadows. It seemed to leave both 1 and 2 speechless.

“Whoever is behind this” 1 spoke “They know enough to be clearly dangerous”

“Do you… Do you think I could mend my link with 3?” 4 looked up at the ceiling. He found that not looking at people made it easier to not cry.

“We… don’t know” 2 sighed. Neither of them had an idea.

“We’ve never seen anything like this happen before… we can try to look around for information to see if we can find something”

“It’s only natural… especially because the world is weaker without your link”

4 looked at them, smiling softly.

“Thanks, I really appreciate that”

“It is?”

“Everyone is able to feel it” 2 said.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s one of the pillars of a stable universe. Whoever told 3 how to break it must have done it to… oh no, 1, we should start searching right away!” the 2 ran out in a hurry. 

4 chuckled dryly at that. It really wasn’t funny to him, he just found it kind of ironic in a way. Destroying 3’s life meant he’d also destroy the world… It was kind of fitting how especially now, 3 felt like the whole world for him. He wished he knew earlier so at least he could’ve told him before they parted ways like that. 

~~~

4 didn’t do much for a few days. He spent the day coping. Healing. He could move around better after a while but his mental state didn’t get better. He couldn’t get 3 out of his mind. He thought that their link being gone meant that the opposite of this would happen but no. His friends tried to cheer him up with memes they would send him. Sure they got a chuckle out of him but these weren’t nearly enough to stop his sadness. 

He was watching his own videos where 3 appeared when 1 and 2 came in his room.

“WE FOUND SOMETHING” 2 jumped through the door.

“Yeah?” 4 asked, trying to put on a smile.

“Yes! Your connection isn’t necessarily lost forever!”

“R– Really??” 4 looked at them with colour appearing in his eyes. There’s a way after all!

“Yes- considering it’s still fresh, and you don’t seem to care any less, there could still be a way. But the catch… 3 has to want it too”

“Huh…” 4 thought out loud “I mean, that makes sense… I wonder if he would…”

“We’ll at least try our best to convince him”

“Right right! Even though I was told I ruined his life” 4 looked away. He still didn’t know what to do with all his feelings about that.

“Ruined his life?” 2 questioned.

“He said that… I only ever seemed to make his life worse… and that I only made things worse when I helped him”

The 2 looked at each other then back at 4.

“What do you exactly mean by this?”

“Uh… He said that his businesses always seemed to fail around me, no matter how much he tried, and that things that would ruin him further… connected right back to me”

The 2 shared another look.

“Now… don’t panic but” 1 started.

“Someone was disrupting your link!” 2 finished 1’s thought.

“Huh?”

“It sounds like it. As we were looking at all the information we could find on links, we found that in certain ways, outside people can interact with links that are not theirs.That’s how we also tried to help you find 3 but we were blocked out by some force. And it’s not a meme guardian exclusive thing. So… Someone must have got in and… yeah”

4 looked shocked.

“So… It’s not my fault?”

“No, it’s not” they both comforted him.

This actually managed to make him feel better. Finally, something that could help him fix everything. Even if it will take a while.

“I was thinking… can you guys… still train me, even if alone? I… want to be stronger when I see him again. Because I’m sure I will… It can’t end like this”

Both nodded.

“We won’t go easy on you” 2 joked.

“Better not” 4 laughed.

The 3 of them left to train that day, 4 trained until he was exhausted. He was glad to push himself considering how he had been for the last few days. He felt a little more free now. Just you wait, 3…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a week since he really started training again. It was actually something that managed to make him feel better. He was wondering where 3 was at this point. On what point of the World he could’ve been. When he wasn’t able to sleep, he would look at places where he could be in. Making a list…

His cafe - he wasn’t

Internet graveyard - he wasn’t 

That castle where he severed their link - he wasn’t

Peach’s castle - he wasn’t

Any of the Anti cast’s own living places - he wasn’t 

Right by his side  - 4 wished he was

His list only got longer with all the wrong answers. Just yesterday, they put out an announcement that if anyone sees any trace of 3, they should alert the crew. Though 4 thought of it as a bit hopeless. 

He could only take his mind off it all with training. His days would be spent either training or sleeping. He left very little time for anything else. It started to worry the others, he realised as well but he just couldn’t stop. Not being whole can feel so devastating.

And he didn’t take it well in a more and more unhealthy way. He didn’t show it to anyone else, but he kept the burnt SMG3 plushie he found from the fire incident. From a beacon of hope, it went to something he would sleep with. It was starting to feel like he would never be able to sleep without it. He didn’t feel much shame in it anymore but he treasured it too much to just show it to anyone else. He needed to protect it at all costs. Sometimes he would talk to it, pretending like it was 3. Telling it so much. Telling everything that was inside his heart, all he wished he could actually tell 3. He truly felt like he reached a new low.

If that wasn’t already bad enough, he started having nightmares too.

Nightmares where he’d follow 3 but kept losing him. Nightmares that seemed to have a different face appear inside them as well. One he did not recognise yet felt familiar… Having a familiar painful feeling. He hated seeing the face. He would many times try to kill the figure but it felt as though they could read his mind, as they dodged his every move with a wide grin. But each time.. He would get closer… Surroundings would become clearer.

One time, it got so clear… He got an insane idea.

He searched up the place he saw… It was a real place. An abandoned studio. Weirdly fitting in a way.

“So, you want to go there because you dreamed about it?” Meggy asked. Some of the gang was gathered there.

“This entity’s influence must be strong if you’re getting dreams like that” 1 believed him. He had really no reason to lie.

“Wait, you believe him?”

“Yes, it is plausible. We already established someone interfered with their connection”

“So it could be that guy! And now they’re taunting 4!” 2 excitedly finished the thought.

4 smiled at the 2 of them.

“Thanks, guys. But yes… I want to go there. I need to… figure out what’s exactly happening”

“And save 3” Tari came up to him as well, reassuring him.

“Especially save 3” 4 smiled at her.

With the newfound determination, the squad, even with 1 and 2 included, headed for the studio building.

The building itself felt more than abandoned in a way. It looked like something went down inside there, a struggle of shorts. Walking in, they noticed the walls covered in gunshots, the place more dusty than would be usual for a place like this. And in some places, a disturbing amount of dried blood was spilled. What must have happened to this place was definitely sudden, quick and gruesome. Just staying in there made them all feel bad for the ex workers. They split up, searching the rooms in smaller groups since it wasn’t exactly a small building. 

4 was searching with 1 and 2. 4 tried to push on even into darker rooms. Although he didn’t have the link to help anymore, he listened to  3… his words burned into his brain. So he paid attention to the darkest places, not letting the shadows go unaddressed, even if it got increasingly scary. 4 kind of didn’t care about that at this point. He had already lost too much to care, though he didn’t exactly tell this to his friends. It felt a bit selfish to him but it was genuinely feeling like there wasn’t much to live for without 3. 

It was starting to feel kind of hopeless until a shadow looked weird. He looked at it, suspicions forming in his brain. He reached out but the shadow grabbed him first.

Before 1 or 2 were able to react, 4 was already gone, being pulled into the shadows.

4 was thrown  back into a dark room that felt all too familiar at this point. In front of him was 3, still as shadowed as ever. At least they could see each other. They stared for a bit, both trying to see what the other one was feeling. 3 pulled 4 closer, in a kind of threatening way, which felt weird and sudden. Something in 4 made him wonder if he was perhaps influenced by something to do that.

“I told you to stay away”

4 sighed, a smile appearing on his face, which weirded 3 out.

“It’s impossible”

“No it’s not just-” he looked away, seemingly thinking but it felt more than that.

“...Let’s talk” 4 had a soft gaze on 3. If he had to die, he didn’t want to spend his last moments arguing with 3.

“We… We already had that… you should go… I did it for you as well”

4 still kept the calmness but the light eye twitch gave away that he didn’t like what he was hearing.

“It wasn’t our fault actually”

3 looked at him shocked. Then thought for a bit.

“I mean I… didn’t mean to make you feel like you… I know that you didn’t ACTUALLY mean to ruin me-”

“No no, you don’t understand, we basically got hacked”

“Hacked? What the hell you mean-” 3 questioned but got stopped by immense pain as he grabbed for his head groaning.

“Oh no, are you okay?” 4 immediately jumped beside him, with a hand on his upper back for support.

“How can I believe you?” 3 looked at him weakly.

“We… actually found out outside forces can… influence guardian links”

3 took a bit to take that in, looking away from 4, seemingly staring into the dark. Very intensely at that. He looked back at 4, pretty pissed.

“So someone framed you?” he looked like he was about to blow up.

“We think so…”

“So I… I” 3’s face softened. 

4 knew what he felt, he hugged 3. He didn’t resist. Slowly, 3 leaned into 4’s touch.

“You know… it’s funny” 3 spoke again “I thought without the link if you came after me again… that I could just end you as soon as I saw you… but I…” he once again felt pain so he had to stop.

“3!!” 

“It’s… We… uh” 3 looked weak.

“We’ll help you, don’t worry! The others are here too… we… we will help, man!”

3 couldn’t help but smile at 4, even through the pain.

“But I already ruined it… I.. I did that to you… I was told how to do it and I…”

“I still care about you”

3 looked at him, something in him breaking with tears rolling down his face.

“How can you?”

“We… We’re friends… we’ve been through a lot… you think I’m gonna let you go when you once risked your life to save me? You didn’t need to. You could have left me to my perfect video but you didn’t. Didn’t it feel like I betrayed you? But you came back either way.”

“That… That’s true”

“It’s… just another thing I love about you, 3”

The word choice made 3 a little flustered. 4 chuckled at that.

“You can’t just say sappy shit like that”

“You think I don’t mean it or something?”

“No no… It’s obvious you do, don’t worry”

“But uhm genuinely I’ve… I’ve been thinking and-”

And just as soon as 4 thought maybe he could tell 3- 3 got grabbed by a hand before not seen. However at this point it was familiar to him. He stood up and went right after, it was no use though. 4 didn’t lose hope yet. He was more angry right now if anything.

“NOT EVEN GONNA LET ME TELL HIM I LOVE HIM??” 4 called out “WELL THEN DO IT FOR ME PLEASE, BITCH”

The figure he had been seeing in his dreams came out of the shadows. Much clearer now, he could still see their wide, unfeeling smile. He didn’t know a TV screen headed guy could be such a piece of shit.

“You’re a feisty one”

“YOU”

“Ah, what, came back because you weren’t satisfied with the service? Sorry, no refunds!”

They started to walk away but 4 grabbed them.

“SERVICE??”

“The keyboard”

4 stopped.

“The…keyboard…?”

Then he realised.

“And it’s not like I even forced it on you” they laughed “You were the one who chose to buy it. Even with SMG3, I didn’t force him! HE joined me HIMSELF and-”

“You think I’m gonna let you go with what you did?” 

They laughed.

“No… And that’s what I want!” the words scared 4 “With even all your friends! Such a great deal”

“WHAT are you?”

“I’m… oh there’s no fun in that, I’m only here to make a great show!”

“I don’t know if you noticed but I’m the show runner here!”

“It looked like you needed some help”

4 tried to punch them but then he was gone from the dark, right back beside 1 and 2.

“4!!! 4, you’re back!!” both hurried there beside him.

“Yes… I am'' 4 didn’t lose his anger a single bit. Those were the words of someone who is truly despicable. He only wanted to kill them more now. 

They only got one more calm moment before the building shook beneath them. It was loud, almost like the building was alive. 

“Oh no! We need to get out of here” 1 panicked, 2 and 4 followed behind, although 4 did so reluctantly. He knew 3 was in here. He didn’t want him gone.

Everyone evacuated. 4 stared at the building going down, he couldn’t just stand there, he had to run back, even if it would take him away as well.

He searched everywhere. Maybe it was the TV guy letting their guard down, but he was actually able to spot 3 in the real world now. He was still covered in those shadows though.

“3!!!” he cried out, running for the other who only then noticed him.

“4, you should get out of here”

“Not without you”

“Then we might not be able to get out…”

“I’ll… rather be going away with you than live knowing you died”

“You know- you’re pretty attached as well, even without the…” 3 looked away then back 4. He couldn’t help but smile at 4. It felt kind of nice in the end. It was easier to admit now.

“That’s cuz I love you” 4 reciprocated the smile.

3 looked away again, rather flustered at the words. But there was still a smile visible on his face.

“Like um… as in? Like that? Fuck, I’m sounding so stupid right now” 3 laughed at his own incompetence.

“Yeah uh… are you okay with that?” 4 returned the awkward laugh.

3 chuckled before grabbing 4’s face.

“What do you think, stupid?”

“I’m… glad” 

They both leaned in, just about at the same time. The kiss came naturally. But it was so much more than that. They pulled each other close, it all just felt… perfect. Complete. So complete, as the scar on both of their faces started glowing. They didn’t know when they linked hands but with both hands held, they could see white strings appear, glowing with immense power, more and more appearing, connecting the 2.

The sight mesmerised both so much, they pulled in for another kiss, which only made the light stronger, ridding 3 fully of his corruption.

The light grew so big, like an explosion. An explosion of so much emotion before unspoken.

The light grew so big, the crew outside noticed.

“They did it!” 2 jumped up “That’s a lot of meme guardian energy”

“Right on” 1 laughed “You know, I’m proud of them… they came so far”

“They really did” Meggy joined the 2.

“Will they be able to get out though?” Tari was concerned.

But then the light only grew larger and faster at that, basically taking in the whole building. It was strong enough to knock everyone on their asses.

As the light dissipated, the 2 hovered up from all the debris. Both looked unharmed, their hands linked.

Everyone came up to hug them. It had been a while since they had such a big and emotional hug.

“We’re so glad you 2 are safe”

“I can’t believe you actually made it out”

“You guys better not do anything this reckless ever again”

These were some comments the 2 received. But they were happy they made it out, made it out alive and together. There were a lot of things unanswered but none of that mattered now. At least not for now.

[salamanderst]

Heaven <matt Sturniolo>

Warnings: smut, giving head (m receiving), use of y/n (I tried to use it as little as possible.) praising?, first time, pet names (baby), idk what else lemme know if I should add something else

A/n: my first post on This acc 🥳🥳 definitely not my first smut but I hope you guys like it!

“Hi baby!!” I say as I hear the front door of my apartment open.

No reply. That’s weird, he always is excited when he comes over, especially if it’s a surprise and not planned.

I see him walk over to me plopping on the couch with his arms crossed not even looking at me.

“Matt what’s wrong?”

“Chris, he keeps pissing me off. Like anything I do he mocks me and makes fun of me it’s so fucking annoying.”

“I’m sorry baby I know he’s a hard on you. You can stay here as long as you want!” I say giving him a kiss on his head.

“Mh.” He gives a slight smile, clearly not in the mood to talk, I leave him be and put on one of our favourite movies.

I snuggled up next to him wanting to feel his touch since he I haven’t seen him in awhile and won’t talk to me.

“Matt? Do you wanna talk about what happened?” I say looking up at him, I mean there’s no way he’s this mad at his brother.

“It’s nothing.”

“Matt, it’s not nothing tell me.”

“Fine, I was in the kitchen I was just making some toast for breakfast. Chris was on the couch and Nick was upstairs in his room. Then Chris just started saying how I need to lighten up more and I’m so boring and never fun to be around. I was like what the fuck. you know, I didn’t even do anything. So I said that and he said ‘well you know you’re just always grumpy I’m surprised you have a girlfriend.’ And then I went off on him and left.”

“Oh, I’m sorry baby that’s so fucking dumb of him to say, but I don’t think he meant any harm Matt. And you’re not boring you’re great to be around.”

“Yea.” He said with a smile giving me a kiss on the cheek.

______________________________

Matts pov

After she said that I swear I lost it, I don’t even know why, like she didn’t even do anything but my pants immediately grew tight.

“Hey pass the blanket it’s a little chilly in here.” I said with a small laugh.

“Are you joking it’s so hot today you’re gonna be way to hot with a blanket.”

Shit

“Yea I guess but I don’t know I’m like so cold.”

“Well uh it’s warmer in my bedroom if you wanna go in there and besides the only blanket I have in here is super small.” She said getting up and laughing.

I followed her to the bedroom, thank god my dick was only semi hard you could barely tell, at least I hope so.

______________________________

End of Matt’s pov

When he asked for the blanket I immediately saw, he’s not too sneaky. Asking for a blanket well it’s literally boiling in here? So as anyone would I took him to my bedroom.

Me and Matt have been together for 5 months I’ve never done anything with anyone other than kissing and holding hands. Me and Matt have gotten close to doing things but never actually did.

And today was a great day to feel ready, I mean he’s in a mad mood and got hard to me comforting him? I should at least help.

“Matt.. why’d you lie?”

“Uh lie about what?” He knew what I don’t know why he’s playing dumb.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed I kneeled down in between his legs.

“Matt you know what.” I said making sure to keep eye contact.

“I’m s-sorry you know I can’t control that..” he replied looking away.

“No it’s okay.” I said having a smile on my face. “Actually I had an idea.”

“Mmh and what’s that?” He remarked.

I didn’t reply I gave him a smile and started to unzip his jeans.

“Y/n you sure I don’t wanna pressure you.”

Again I didn’t respond I just gave a nod and a smile.

I put his pants down to his jeans and pulled down his boxers his dick immediately springing out.

Holy shit, I just stared.

“Somethings wrong?” He laughed.

“No, no it’s nothing.”

I kissed his tip leaking percum. I jerked him off before doing anything, I mean I didn’t really know what to do.

I slowly put my head down letting his length in my month, jerking off what I couldn’t fit. bopping my head up and down but not too fast.

“Mmh so good baby.” He whimpered putting his hand in my hair.

I started going a little faster but Matt started pushing my head down almost face fucking me.

“Oh f-fuck you feel so good.” He moaned bopping my head up and down faster, making me gag.

He gripped any hair using me as a fuck toy making tears form in my eyes. Was it to much? Yea, but for Matt I didn’t mind I knew he felt good.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum.” His dick twitched in my month making shivers go down my spine.

“You gonna take it mmh?” He said looking down at me.

I looked up and him nodding my head. He started bobbing my head up and down faster and faster.

“Oh S-shit I’m close.”

Tears pouring down my face at this point as he shot his load into my mouth, swallowing it.

He pushed my head to the base of his dick, him filling my mouth not letting me get up, whispering curse words.

He finally let go of his grip on my hair looking at me, his face having and extremely worried look.

I started laughing.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry baby was that to much are you okay??” He said rubbing my cheek and putting my hair behind my ear.

“Matt no, no it’s okay I loved it.” I gave him a smile wiping his cum still on my mouth.

“Are you sure you have tears??”

“Matt it’s okay really I’m fine.” I laugh again giving him a kiss on the forehead. “Let’s go get cleaned up and then watch a movie?”



Let me know what you guys think!! And tell me if you wanna be on the tag list 🥳🎀

[0asisbliss]

how would the PT members (chrollo, feitan, shalnark and uvogin if you don’t wanna do the whole team) react to their darling actively SH and being suicidal? *sorry if this isn’t a topic you wanna write about i completely understand*

A/N: Thank you for requesting! Not really proofread sorry.

TW: Self harm, non-con, dark themes, etc. MDNI

Shalnark:

Its was just your second month in here its was pretty fucked up regardless even if you were getting used to it or not. It wasn’t that where he made you sleep. Yeah. It was a basement, but it’s not as bad as you thought it would be when you first got here. You have a nice bed, there’s a television down here, and he gave you a journal to write in. It’s not like you can say anything in it though he goes through it almost every week.

At this point Shalnark thinks that you’re comfortable enough to sleep with him. Even though you’re far from that. Over the past two months you’ve been here you have stopped resisting him, started to lean into his touch, and even accept his kisses! In his mind this is a plus. If your going to except his psychical affection your ready to accept his cock. Right?

You knew his mindset by heart now. It was sickening how you hated him, but when he comes back from “work” you crave his affection you were also tired of living in modified basement. It made your head hurt, and you threw up in your mouth a little by the thought of even him doing those “things” to you. You didn’t have to live like this. This was something you chose to live in. Can’t it all just end? Maybe.

Not now anytime, but now. It terrified you when he came in with just his green and yellow robe on. You could tell he had no type of clothes under by the way his robe moved on his body.

“Lovely? You okay? You seem a bit tense.” He walked right past your television, and sat beside you. He looked at you before placing a hand on your thigh. He tried to play it off by laying his head on your shoulder.

“Y’know? I want to feel you a little more than usual these days it hurts me to leave you for work.”

His hand gently slid up your thigh.

“I-I have to go to the bathroom.” You barely were able to mutter out.

Shalnark said nothing and let you get up and can to the restroom down the hall of the basement.

How was he going to get to you hm? You’re such a cute little work in progress.

The next day you knew Shalnark was leaving for work because he would always tell you days before he would leave.

Shalnark left after he made you two a little breakfast.

When Shalnark got to the hideout he went over to Phinks, Nobunaga, Uvogin, and Feitan. They were talking about the upcoming mission Chrollo had given them. They all knew about Shalnark’s situation with you and when Uvogin joked about how all of them could fuck you. It gave Shalnark the best idea.

To get you more comfortable with him, and maybe even the rest of them they could take turns with you. It could even be a new beginning for you two in bed.

When Shalnark got home he invited you upstairs for dinner you were surprised to see four other men there with him. You assumed they were Shalnark’s coworkers because of how they looked. They all looked a little weird, but so did Shalnark. You waved at them and only Nobunaga, Phinks, and Uvogin waved back. Feitan only stared at you. He creeped you out a lot. At dinner you felt their stares, and heard their whispers. It wasn’t until you heard the one with long hair make a comment about you boobs is when you had excused yourself from the table not wanting to be rude and just get up.

You didn’t Shalnark had followed behind you. You went until the basement to get on of the many hidden knives. You took the knife a cut a bit into your wrist. You dragged the knife along into your arm. You winced at the pain, but in some sick way you felt better I mean this is all your fault anyway.

“What the hell are you doing?” This was the first time you heard Shalnark raised his voice at you.

He slapped the knife out of your hand and put pressure on your wound. You weren’t getting out of this basement again anytime soon. If you thought he was suffocating now just wait till you’re healed.

Chrollo:

It’s clear you’re not in your right mind at this point. Chrollo just hasn’t seen that yet. It’s like he’s clueless. You don’t even care anymore it’s tiresome. How fucking emotional dumb he is. No matter how much he’s fucked you don’t even moan anymore. Chrollo doesn’t see himself as heartless. Nor does he himself as some cruel dictator. I mean in his mind you want for nothing. You have everything you want you should be giving him your all, but no. You just lying there lifeless looking. Your lucky Chrollo’s patience isn’t terrible.

After a mission he gathers the troupe together, and talks to them about their stress levels.

They all admit to being somewhat instability stressed. He gave them a proposal. Maybe they could take turns with you? Not at the same time of course. He wouldn’t want to overwhelm his darling.

When Chrollo approached you with this idea he thought about how you feel so good. You stared blankly at Chrollo. You walked away without giving him answer you walked into the kitchen a grabbed one the sharpest knifes you could find. You took the knife in the bathroom, and rolled your shirt up exposing your stomach to the mirror. You took the knife and cut small space in your stomach. Maybe if Chrollo sees how bad you look he wouldn’t go through that gang bang shit with the troupe. You didn’t want to do it.

Chrollo would know your answer but it would go through one ear and out the other.

He wouldn’t make you do anything but when you have nine plus people standing over you what can you do other than what they tell you?

You were lost in thought you cut yourself a little to deep and more blood that usual came out of your body. It was red. Dark red. Did you hit a vein or something? You sat on the side of the bathtub, and watch as a pool of blood started to pile under you.

Chrollo was starting to worry about you and opened the bathroom door.

You were starting to feel lightheaded and nauseous.

Chrollo moved toward you quickly, and picked you up, he carried to you to your shared bedroom. He dropped you on the bed you looked at him at he has a worried expression on his face. He didn’t have to say a word you knew what he was feeling. Maybe it’s best if you do die. You can finally get out of this hell hole with him.

It was only when you saw a pink haired woman enter the room when you lost all hope. She was the one who did your checkups. She was going to save you though you didn’t want to be saved you actually wanted to die. You scooted with the last bit of strength you had away from both of them. Falling off the bed you began to crawl away. They both brought you back on the bed and looked at each other then nodded. Chrollo chained you down to the bed so Machi could stitch you up.

You weren’t going to be in as much pain as you’re in now but when Machi was done it surely wasn’t going to be pretty.

Uvogin:

Uvogin has put you through some things but his takes the cake. What the hell?

“Why are you even acting like that. You’re acting like I’m just going to let them toss you around like a sex toy.” He scoffed.

“You’re fucking acting like it! No. I don’t want to do this shit. I’m so tired of you and your bull shit. You always want me to do the most craziest shit with you.” You held your arms up as an indication of your patience being lost. Your arm was covered in a whole lot of scars.

For the first time Uvogin got sick to his stomach about you.

“What the fuck is this?”

Uvogin grabbed your arm and twisted to view it whole.

“Hey- don’t fucking touch me-.”

He might’ve showed aggression and anger, but deep down Uvogin was scared, and worried. Why the hell are you doing this to yourself? Maybe he’s too much to handle?

You should’ve told him. (You did.)

Uvogin picked you bridal style and kissed you on your forehead.

“You’re never doing that again you hear me?”

He carried you back to your shared bedroom. Tomorrow you two were going to have a long talk, even if you didn’t want to. You have no choice.

[cashmere-caveman]

read a post about there being next to no record abt the historic edward little again (we dont even know what he looked like!!!) and now im thinking a lot about how he died in uniform again.

hes far from the only character to die in uniform (the marines die in uniform! franklin dies in uniform!) and he isn't even the only lieutenant to do so (gore, under his slops, was in uniform; fairholme, too presumably; irving famously wore his coat that hickey steals later; george wore something that used to be his uniform when he got eaten but imo atp he did not wear it as A Uniform anymore that were just the clothes that he had on if that makes sense) but at the end, he is the only one where i still felt that it was an active choice to wear it.

almost everyone else sheds their layers along the way or turns into something else, but ned starts in uniform and he stays in uniform and that's it.

fitzjames famously sheds his vanity and dies in his shirtsleeves, without any of the pomp and pizzazz of his uniform.

jopson, another character who is to me really connected with a certain mindset of holding up appearances, dies in his shirtsleeves, believing himself abandoned by the very person that was his reason to even wear a uniform at all.

goodsir as a doctor/assistant surgeon doesn't really have a uniform in quite the same sense as many others but when he dresses himself before his suicide it is not as an affirmation of his role, or at least not a positive one. he has sworn to do no harm, but he was forced to do it anyway and now he will add a final evil to his toll of sins in the hopes to balance the scales at least somewhat and for that to work, he must wear his outfit as always. he ends up with all pretenses stripped bare anyway.

tozer, a man so proud of his uniform in the beginning, again, dies in his shirtsleeves, no rank left, betrayed by someone who had convinced him to give up everything and yet! reduced to nothing but an ordinary man, he tries again where before he had given up. he cooperates, he coordinates, he even calls crozier captain again, he tries very hard to do the right thing in what looks like a no win scenario from the get go!! and he fails, of course, but he tried.

almost everyone else also ends up either dressed down (bridgens, armitage, dundy, des voeux etc) or somehow transformed (blanky, to some extend silna with her patched and bloody furs) or in hickeys case, both (iconic underwear & greatcoat combo). little never changes. he sometimes has a little scarf, theres the bandage for his headwound for a bit, he sometimes wears the full parade uniform with epaulettes and sometimes just the regular one, there are at least two different uniform hats and ofc you can tell that he loses weight by the way his shape chages under all that wool but he is always. in. uniform.

and maybe this is just my mind making up dots to connect but i think he might even be the last character that crozier ever gives an order to in his official function as a captain (in the tuunbaq seduction/boss fight scene he has been stripped of his rank, at least according to e.c.).

before his final scene, all we get is little arguing over the orders they are given, and how to interpret them. and he is still wearing his uniform!!! wait hold on im not gonna check but maybe he might only wear a jumper in the tent where dundy lauches his soft mutiny actually, so maybe this whole post is crumbling like a domino line but!!! ignoring this. moving on. (even if it is a jumper i remember him wearing sth dark blue aka Uniform Colour so im claiming it doesnt even matter bc spiritually that hypothetical jumper still is a uniform. im not going to let anything like "accuracy" and "real details" fuck up my post smh 🙄. im joking. however! Moving On as i said) (edit: i rewatched the scene and it IS his uniform actually, just v rumpled. going insane btw)

he doesnt even dress up for carnivale! the only other characters that are not in costume are jopson and crozier and they were literally too busy keeping crozier from dying to even begin thinking about joining the communal arts and crafts session! little is atp the acting no2 of the expedition so u might say he was busy but fitzjames has the overall command and still finds time to have a little gender moment in private and the imperialism-approved version of it for the Big Crowd!! (u could ofc argue that fitzy Always has time for a gender moment and who would i be to argue but my point is: i have no doubt that man was fucking busy preparing carnivale & beginning to prepare the walkout and there still was time to Express Some Character!! so how come ned didn't do anything?)

the one other scene we get where we can catch a small glimpse of characters out of their element before it all unravels (pre tuunbaq attack on the camp) is the scene at night when morfin gets shot. it shows lots of characters in various states of undress (silna big blanket burrito i love you) that allows us to see them differently, like their costumes at carnivale did, but in an entirely opposite direction. while carnivale was about putting on masks, this scene is about taking them off. and it drives me insane because i know that little must be there. he is somewhere in the crowd when morfin gets shot but so far i havent been able to make him out and i need to know what he is wearing so bad. it is actually for science (my own curiosity) ! i really need to know. and i cant help but feel that maybe it is intentional that he is just ~somewhere~ instead of In Front of the Fucking Camera because, well. that would be just ned little, wouldnt it? and we dont even know who that is.

[penguwastaken]

This might be the hottest take of the century but I genuinely believe that despite having like a collective 10 minutes of screen time, Monokuma is utilized significantly better in DR3 than he is in V3.

What made Monokuma work as a villain and antagonist in the early entries is that while he's silly, he's genuinely a threat and he has a consistent looming presence. There's always a feeling of helplessness surrounding him and the sense that you can't escape from him no matter where you go that balances out his comedic side.

Take DR1 for example, Monokuma feels like he's always on your back and giving you no time to be alone or in peace. It feels like he could do something horrible if you do something as simple as looking at him funny.

DR2 takes a slightly different approach. Monokuma is more lighthearted but way more chaotic. Now he feels like a trigger happy god who will do whatever he wants whenever he wants just because he can. That feeling of helplessness remains because now he feels like an unstoppable force of nature without a care in the world.

On paper, V3 attempts to do something similar, but there's one problem… HE'S BARELY IN THE GAME. 😭

Almost all of the screen time that would have been dedicated to Monokuma is now dedicated to the last minute additions that are the Monokubs, AKA the exact opposite of an intimidating threat.

Monokuma feels pathetic in V3, he feels like a washed up old man who's only there because it's Danganronpa and they need to have the mascot in it. There's no sense of helplessness because he doesn't even feel like an actual threat, he's a boring joke now.

It feels like in V3 they wanted to go for the more chaotic Monokuma from DR2, but they forgot that what made Monokuma work in DR2 is that he was a consistent presence who actually meant business.

It feels like he's only ever there either to tell a joke or to sit around in the class trials. He never asserts himself and whenever he shows up I go "oh it's Monokuma again" instead of "oh shit what does he want this time."

As the series goes on, Monokuma gets more increasingly flanderized. The twisted, sadistic side gets less and less focus compared to his more silly chaotic side, which completely kills any threat factor he once had. You can argue that this is "the point" in V3, however whether it's the point or not means nothing if it actively harms the experience instead of benefitting it.

The scene in DR2 where Monokuma tells you just how many of him there are is extremely effective at making you hopeless, it makes you feel like you lost before you even started. DR1 and DR2 have plenty of moments like these, I can't name one from V3.

Now you might be thinking: "ermmm but Pengu, if Monokuma fails in V3 because he's barely there, then how come he works in DR3 when he has even less screen time in there?"

The answer is simple, they actually do something with his minimal presence. There's a thematic purpose that actually enhances the experience.

Monokuma in DR3 is very different from other depictions in the sense that he's not even there, not just in the sense that he's prerecorded. Junko is dead and so is Monokuma by extension.

But you know what isn't dead? The memory of them.

Monokuma may be dead, but the trauma he and the tragedy left behind still remains, THAT is the consistent looming presence in DR3.

Guilt and trauma are a consistent theme in DR3, so it makes sense that the big lingering threat would be the embodiment of them. The symbol of despair.

What do I mean by this? Well just look at the first episode. Just Monokuma's mere laugh is enough to send Makoto and the rest of the room into a panic.

You know what video is used to cause every single member of the Future Foundation to be overloaded with despair to the point where they commit suicide? Why, it's a video of just Monokuma, of course.

Just when things are starting to cool down, just when you're starting to think it's all over, the memories and the despair linger.

And that's why Monokuma's minimal presence works so well in DR3 and not V3, because now in DR3 he's just a haunting memory, one that will be with you forever. Because of that, his consistent looming presence is still there even if he's not.

Note: I updated a few things to hopefully make my point clearer

[batboopp]

Batman: I Am Suicide- a comic breakdown (how trauma can shape your life)

huge cw for suicidal ideation and self harm! i seriously mean it it’s not even subtle 😭

another heads up, this essay really only talks about one issue, as that’s the only one that really goes into what i want to talk about! maybe i could do a full comic breakdown in the future. <3

(most of this is written whenever i have some of free time, so please ignore if any sentences/paragraphs are incoherent or run on for awhile 😭😭 i hope you like my batman drabbles :D)

It’s common knowledge that both Bruce Wayne and his Batman persona are very emotionally tortured, usually refusing any help or healthy way of processing his thoughts, emotions, and actions. He’s deadset that nothing but Batman, muscles, and pure determination will save Gotham city-therefore saving any child from having anyone taken from them so brutally, the way his parents were taken from him. You don’t have to be a psychiatrist to know that this black-and-white way of thinking is not a healthy way to process trauma, and some may argue that it borders along the line of insanity or mental illness. Although I’m not here to specifically talk about those parts of his psyche, I DO want to talk about how this extreme way of thinking affects-and even shapes-his entire life and personality.

“A kid and a vow. The ears and the belt and the batarangs and the Batmobile and the gargoyle and the roof and the leather and the armor.”

“How sad. How stupid. How immature.”

“How hilarious. How hilarious all of it is. I want to laugh, too. Do you know how much I want to laugh?”

Starting off strong, we can already see that Bruce has SO much self doubt about himself and a sort of awareness of just how absurd his whole mission is, something I personally see a lot of, but I always appreciate when it’s brought up. A thing about Bruce is that if he has a plan or a mission, he WILL get it done no matter how insane it is, and it’s nice that part of his obsessive personality is displayed here. However, even though he puts his whole soul into his Batman mission, he expresses that he can’t help but feel almost desperately hopeless about it. This might be me reaching, but it seems he wants Batman to be this thing he can sort of lessen by laughing it off. This may be surprising to some, but Batman laughing off and joking about his situation isn’t uncommon. In many comics, he makes jokes about horrible things he’s gone through, he cracks puns at his villains and rouges while he’s getting the shit kicked out of him, and most importantly, he laughs a lot at himself. Bruce wants it to just be-less. It’s almost depressingly ironic that he wants (whether subconsciously or not) this symbol of raw hope, justice, and pure dedication he built with so much effort to be less than it actually is. It’s a lot, so much that Batman himself can barely take it.

“After the alley and the gun. And the pearls. What use was I? After the blood on her hand, what use was a little rich kid who’s mommy and daddy got shot?”

“I was pain. That’s all I was. Everything else, every chance given to me, every promise I’d ever made, all of it was pain. And what use is pain? What use is being all pain? It’s not dignified. It’s not kind. And if it’s not dignified and not kind, then maybe it’s not worth anything.”

“Maybe it’s better off as nothing. Gone. Dead.”

Here, we can see that Bruce thinks he’s worthless, to the point he thinks he’d be better off dead. Not only that, you can argue that he sees his own pain as a weakness, and yet he uses it to shape his life. “I was pain, that’s all I was. Everything else, every change given to me, every promise I’d ever made, all of it was pain. And what use is being all pain?” He goes on to say “It’s not dignified and it’s not kind,” which you can infer he’s talking about himself here, with his ‘I am pain’ analogy. He thinks he’s inherently violent and undignified and worthless because of this pain, even though we KNOW he does not see other’s pain as a weakness. In fact, he is normally comforting of people going through hardships, especially to children or those close to him. This is a very common form of self-deprecating behavior, thinking that whatever you’re going through is automatically less important than the well-being of others.

“I was 10. I got one of my father’s razor blades, and I got down on my knees. I put the metal on my wrist. The edge scratching cold. The blood on my hand. And I looked up. To Mother and Father. I told them I was sorry. I was so sorry.”

“I was on my knees in Gotham. And I was praying, pushing my hands together now, the blood and the blade warm between them.”

“I prayed. And no one-

no one answered.

No one answered.

No one answered.”

“I was alone. Like everyone else. Like everyone in Gotham. I saw everyone in Gotham, all of us. We’re all on our knees, our hands together, the blade and the blood warm between them. We pray. And no one answers.”

“I saw. And I understood. Finally. Kindness. Dignity. I let the razor fall, and I understood, it was done. I’d done it. I’d surrendered, my life was no longer my life, and I whispered-

‘I swear by the spirits of my parents to avenge their deaths by spending the rest of my life warring on all criminals.’”

We have a lot to talk about on this panel. To follow up on my third paragraph, I’ll start talking about his absurd amount of empathy, as I feel like it pairs with when I stated Batman cares about the well-being of others more than his own. This extreme sense of empathy and understanding is developed when Bruce describes self-harming over (presumably) his parent’s graves. “I was alone. Like everyone else. Like everyone in Gotham. I saw everyone in Gotham, all of us. We’re all on our knees, our hands together, the blade and the blood warm between them. We pray. And no one answers.” He describes how he ‘saw everyone’ in Gotham. How all of them are going through hardships. How all of them are alone. And that’s when he understood kindness, love, dignity. And, more importantly, when he decided to give up any chance at a normal life and pursue his crusade, his destiny, of becoming the Batman. He says he swore on his parents dying souls, but he knows he swore on his own, too. 

We can also gather that this is the death of his belief in religion, ‘I prayed, and no one answered.’ The correlation with religion and a sense of innocence or fear in Batman comics isn’t unheard of, and I like to think that’s what the writer is getting at here. Batman is a known atheist, and states this multiple times in many different comics. It’s nice to know the exact time his belief in religion died, and that was when he prayed.

In conclusion, I really like this panel because you can just feel the resignation coming from Bruce. He will give up every part of himself if it means another person doesn’t have to suffer, and I think if you want to make the most accurate Batman possible, it’s important to remember that.

“So that’s what it is. The ears. The belt. The gargoyle. It’s not funny. It’s the choice of a boy that chose to die.”

“I am Batman. I am suicide.”

To wrap this up, Bruce states that he is very aware that being Batman would consume his life, would destroy any chance he had at a healthy future, and would obliterate any healthy way of healing from his trauma. He lets this pain, he lets the Batman, build him and his life and he will never let go. It literally fuels him, as you can see him pummel so many soldiers to the ground without breaking a sweat. Pain drives him. The will to be Batman drives him.

hope you enjoyed my shitty essay! please let me know any thoughts, opinions, critiques, or disagreements you might have, i’d love to hear them 

[creweemmaeec11]

Seeing Scars

Guys, I'm *really* rusty so cut me some slack with this one 😅

TW: Self Harm

"Are you alright?"

The villain's voice was soft. So light and gentle that it made hero's blood boil. They didn't need *pity*, and certainly not from villain.

The hero strained to push themselves to sit upright, doing their best to keep their arms covered and out of their enemy's line of sight, but the sleeves of their suit weren't much more the shredded ribbons that were barely hanging on to one another.

They pinned their eyes shut, feeling them starting to sting. They never wanted *anyone* to find out, least of all *them*.

It was obvious the villain could see them. It was all too much.

"Hero...?" The villain tried again, voice still repulsively gentle as they crept closer, wading through the debris of where the hero had gone through the ceiling.

The hero had slipped on the roof where they'd been fighting, falling off the edge and crashing through the adjacent roof and ceiling, which had ripped their suit to shreds as they fell through. Luckily, it was only one floor.

"I think that's the sound of the match bell," the hero joked, coughing, attempting to maintain their normal bravado while trying to keep their voice from breaking at the same time, "go do whatever you came to do. You win this round,"

Just keep faking casual.

"No." The villain stated matter of factly, "Nothing about this is some kind of victory for me,"

It was obvious they were talking about more than just the fight.

"Well luckily for you," the hero started bitterly, trying to climb to a standing position, "it's none of your concern so-"

The hero winced, stumbling as they slipped on a piece of debris. They pinned their eyes shut, preparing for the painful collision with the floor that was surely coming, and yet... it never did.

The hero blinked, their eyes opened in confusion. How were they still standing?

Their eyes focused to see the villain was in front of them, basically holding them up by their upper arms to keep them from falling. Their eyes were drowned in worry.

"Then why am I so concerned?"

It took the hero a second to remember what they'd said.

"Get off me," the hero replied, trying to sound demanding, but it came out closer to a plea.

"No." The villain stated, tightening their grip on the heros upper arms as they tried to twist away, "That thing I came to do was going to be kidnapping you to inconvenience your bosses, so instead, your going to let me patch you up or so help me I'll go back to the plan of kidnapping you for real,"

It took their already spinning brain a second to register that.

"No, I'm-"

"You are nowhere *close* to fine," The villain interrupted sternly, "You can't see, but your back is shredded,"

The hero blinked. *That* was the reason the villain was going with as to why the hero wasn't okay?

The hero *knew* the villain had seen the scars on their arms, and yet, they hadn't said a word about them. The hero half expected some mocking comment, a questioning one if nothing else. But, nothing.

In fact, the villain was doing a remarkable job skirting around the topic completely. Not only had they not mentioned it, but the villain wasn't even staring at them, or doing that staring then quickly looking away "I wasn't looking" nonsense people normally did. They hadn't even glanced at them.

Considerate.

The hero wasn't sure what to do with that.

"How do I know I can even trust you?"

"You don't," the villain replied without missing a beat, "but you're not in any position to stop me one way or the other, so you might as well come willingly, instead of hurting yourself more,"

The villain didn't even wait for the hero to reply before shrugging off their coat and handing it over.

"It's getting chilly," the villain explained at the confusion in the hero's face.

*No it wasn't. It was something to cover with,*

The hero swallowed the acidic taste at the back of their throat, and without many other options, they went with the villain, slipping the coat on over their arms. They immediately felt better, having something covering them again. But there was an uneasy ocean in their gut.

Their nemesis had still *seen*, and just because they'd been considerate so far didn't mean they would continue to be. It's not like they had any reason to.

The hero clenched their jaw silently. They couldn't even tell what emotion they were feeling anymore, just that it was a strong one.

Their spiralling thoughts and silent walking were suddenly interrupted, "How much sleep have you been getting?"

Hero blinked in surprise, "I- what?"

"You look exhausted," villain replied, "have you not been sleeping?"

Hero seemed to bristle slightly, glancing down at the ground as they pulled the villain's jacket around themselves tighter. That seemed to be enough of an answer.

"Ah," villain replied as they finally stepped up to a non descript door in the ally, "this way,"

"Where are you leading me, exactly?" Hero questioned hesitantly as the criminal shut and locked the door behind them.

"The medical area to patch you up first," villain explained as they started walking again.

"And after that?" Hero asked.

The villain glanced over at them for a moment, appraising them, before they continued walking, "dunno yet,"

The two continued in silence, weaving through the different halls before entering small office-like room with a medical examination table in the middle.

"Hop up there while I find the bandages," Villain instructed casually as they began rooting through the different shelves.

The hero sighed but did as they were told, wincing as they hopped up to sit on the table. The villain hadn't been lying about their back; though they couldn't see it, they could feel it starting to come back to life as the shock and adrenaline wore off. They reached behind their head, pulling the jacket up over their head to reveal their back while keeping their arms in the sleeves, hugging the now twisted fabric to their chest.

When the criminal finally turned back around, their eyes flickered to the heros still covered arms, but they didn't comment on them, instead focusing on carrying the handful of supplies over to the table and setting them next to their guest.

"This is going to sting, but once it's over it should be numb,"

"It's fine" the hero muttered, gripping the edge of the table. On good days the pain would be unwelcome. On bad days...

There was a hiss of pain as the medication hit the hero's back, but it quickly died out and cast the room into silence. Neither of them said anything, the only noise being the occasional rustle of medical bandages or tape.

About 10 minutes later, the villain rounded the table.

"How are you holding up?" They asked, looking at the hero with soft eyes, making sure their question was registered before sliding their supplies over to this side of the table.

"I'm fine," the hero bit out under their breath, fingers curling tighter around the lip of the table after pulling the jack down over their back once more.

"That's not what I asked," the villain replied without missing a beat.

The hero blinked before bristling slightly, ducking their head as their shoulders scrunched, "I'm fine," they repeated.

The villain paused, halfway through unwrapping another bandage. Their eyes flicked over to the hero's, levelling them with an all-to-knowing yet emotionless gaze. Just staring. Just waiting.

Yet non-judgmental. Patient.

The hero finally deflated after a second of staring, "It feels a lot better now... thank you..." they acquiesced quietly.

"Good," the villain replied, finishing their task of unwrapping the bandage. They laid it down on the table, turning towards their guest, "Now let me see your arms,"

Immediately hero felt a jolt of panic, eyes going wide as they pulled their arms tight to their chest.

The criminal didn't flinch, simply waiting.

A stinging sensation began to make itself known at the back of the hero's throat. They eyed the villain warily, assessing them. They looked between the two slightly outstretched hands reaching towards them. Their heart pounded.

Then, without a word, hero hesitantly began pulling their arms out of their sleeves. Hiding now felt somehow even more exposing. Though their hands were shaking slightly, and there was an empty bottomless feeling of unease in their gut.

As soon as their first arm was uncovered, the villain took ahold of their wrist gently, flipping it over. Heros gaze stayed locked on the floor, unable to meet the other's eyes. But the villain didn't say anything. Their thumb traced ghostly light over the newest addition, which sent a shiver down the heros spine. Words seemed to clog their throat. But before they could say anything the villain just sighed softly and reached for some first-aid balm.

After applying it to everything, they wrapped the hero's arm in bandages, then doing the same with the other.

It might have been overkill, but....

Hero couldn't deny it felt relieving on their skin, and villain had been so gentle... it was nice to have someone take care of them.

Like they deserved it.

They flinched at the sudden feeling of something against their cheek. They blinked back into reality as villain used their thumb to wipe away a tear hero hadn't realized had formed. The criminal's face held a pitying soft smile, trying for reassuring and falling closer to sad.

"Don't look at me like that" the hero bit out through gritted teeth. They clenched their fists. "I'm not some fragile vase that's about to shatter so- wipe that look off your face,"

"You survived falling through a roof with only a few nasty abrasions and scrapes," villain replied, smirking, "I don't think I'd be able to say the same for a fragile vase"

Against all logic, a small smile broke out on the hero's lips as they shook their head.

There was a beat of silence, the buzzing white noise of the fan being the only sound before villain spoke up again.

"Alright, come on,"they said as they turned for the door, gesturing for hero to follow.

"Where are we going?" Hero asked, slipping the villain's jacket back on over their shoulders.

"My room,"

"What-!?" Hero's feet stuttered to a stop.

Villain turned slightly, "Relax hero, I'm just letting you have a nap while I get some other stuff done. We don't exactly have a guest room,"

"O-oh..."

"Unless you're more comfortable just sitting in the medical room-"

"No! No, no, it's fine," Hero spoke as they started walking once more. Villain simply nodded, and began leading them through different hallways again until finally, they approached a door with a keypad.

"Turn around,"

Hero obeyed, turning to look the other way. They heard the sound of buttons being pushed, followed by a ding noise and the door swinging open.

Villain's room was nothing like hero expected. It was clean, modern and smelled of crisp linen and a hint of something floral or maybe woody. What surprised hero most, though, was how cozy and comfortable it felt. The dim, warm light that encompassed the room was relaxing somehow.

Villain seemed to hesitate for a moment, before they finally spoke, "Do you want to borrow some pyjamas?"

"Ok..." hero replied uncertainly.

Villain nodded, quickly grabbing a set from their dresser and setting it on the edge of their bed, "I need to go grab a few things from my office while you change. I'll be back in a few minutes,"

When they returned, hero had already crawled into bed, snuggled into the plush sheets, and was staring at the criminal with a strange expression on their face.

"Do you need anything before I go?" Villain asked in confusion, walking up to the edge of the bed, unsure how to interpret the look they were getting.

"No, I..."

The criminal furrowed their brows, "I assume I don't need to warn you not to abuse my kindness and snoop around while I'm gone?"

"No!"

"Then what?"

"I- just-" Hero hesitated, looking down, their voice was suddenly small, vulnerable, "if I asked you to stay... would you?"

Villain blinked in surprise. Of all the things they expected, it certainly wasn't that.

"I just don't wanna be alone with my thoughts right now so-" hero quickly sputtered in an attempt to explain, but the villain cut them off.

"Yes," they said, sighing and placing their things on the nightstand, "I can stay.... just... only for a short while though,"

With that they crawled into the bed, sitting on top of the sheets next to hero. Neither of them said a word when hero inched closer, coming to rest their forehead against the villain's side gently; just barely there, but enough to feel them.

There was a defeated sigh as villain apparently lost the battle with self-restraint and let their hand fall down to stroke over the hero's head. They wouldn't speak of this to anyone. This was a "one-time deal, today only, while supplies last" kind of arrangement.

Yet, in the end, neither of them were surprised when hero woke up to find villain still hadn't left.

[pinkposies]

01 . intoxicate

not proofread :P This is a poly!mikaelsons. I crosspost on wattpad and ao3.

wc - 2113

There aren't any real warnings but some may think the habits Elaine does come off as a form of self-harm.

The Kallos court consists only of women, it existed since the beginning of time by women who were endowed with natural magic and immortality by a divine entity. It was prophesied that Elaine Moon was the reincarnation of the being that gave the faeires their magical abilities. Elaine Moon was born to be the leader of the Kallos court; she was pure power.

                                              જ⁀➴

The sun basked on Elaine as she laid her head on Alana's lap. The newly cut grass felt soft against her bare legs. Elaine sighed as she felt Alana's fingers rake through her hair, she insisted on braiding Elaine's hair. As she did so she hummed a soft tune, which Elaine could barely hear over the laughter.

She turned her head just enough to watch as Lacey and Daphne ran around trying to catch butterflies. She couldn't help but giggle when Daphne tripped over her feet.

"Are you prepared for the festival?" Alana said. Elaine feels her fingers leave her hair, allowing her to turn onto her stomach.

She rested her head on Alana's thigh, staring up at her, "Of course, I'm prepared, it's all my mothers speak of." She sighed.

"You'll think that having an entire month dedicated to you, you'll be more happy about it." She mumbled as she brushed a stray hair that fell from Elaine's braid behind her ear.

Elaine nuzzled her cheek against Alana's thigh, and she sighed. "I know, but the festivals just remind me of the expectations I'm meant to meet."

She did feel somewhat bad for seeming ungrateful. The other faes go through so much trouble with decorating, cooking, and finding the right gift for her, but the constant pressure of becoming the leader of the court brings her down.

"We could trade places anytime because having a month where everyone practically worships me sounds amazing," Alana joked which seemed to have some undertones of seriousness.

Elaine sat up on her bottom, brushing the grass off her stomach. She reached down and entwined Alana's hand with hers, "You don't understand, how draining it could be, I barely get any free time to myself," she exclaimed, bringing the back side of Alana's hand to rub against her cheek.

Alana sighed and shook her head as she squeezed Elaine's hand. She goes to speak but is interrupted when yelling is heard in the distance. All the girls freeze in panic as the voice comes closer, they simultaneously look towards where the voice is coming from to see Sara running to them as she waves her arms.

Sara falls to her hands and knees when she comes to a fast halt in front of the girls. She grasped at the grass, and she was panting from running.

"Sara, are you okay? Is something going on!" Lacey shrieked, as she crawled over to Sara, placing her hand on the exhausted girl.

She finally caught her breath and squealed, "There's a man here!"

"A man!" Daphne gasped out, sounding almost horrified, "Why would the Elders let it into the dimension?"

Alana whipped her head towards Elaine, "Have any of the Elders mentioned to you about the man?" sputtered Alana. Her eyebrows scrunched up at the mere thought of Elaine keeping such news from her.

"No. No. I was told nothing!" She blurted out, attempting to divert the attention away.

from her.

"That doesn't matter," Sara began, standing up and offering her hand to Lacey. "We need to go to the weeping hall to see the man!" She exclaimed, then started running, dragging Lacey along with her.

The remaining girls jumped up and started running as well. Elaine knew that there was an opposite sex, but none of the faeries had seen a man before, not even the elders.

She couldn't think of any reasoning as to why the elders would disobey the previous elder's wish for a no-men world. Elaine felt a surge of excitement and fear as the girls got closer to the weeping hell.

Throughout her adolescence, she's only been taught about the evil doings of men. Elaine never thought there'd be a day she'd see the opposite sex, as long as she was in the Kallos dimension. Even the animals in the dimension are all female.

The girls came to a halt when they saw the weeping hall was crowded. Many other faeries came to see the man too; the hall was filled with loud chatter, some expressing their confusion and others complaining.

Elaine dropped Alana's hand and walked towards the crowd. She lightly pushed the other faeries out of the way. When she finally got to the front, her eyes widened as she saw the man she stood in front of her.

From what she learned as a child, she envisioned that all men would look more beast-like or goblin-like. Yet the man who stood in front of her was far from a beast. He was confident, with a small smirk on his face, showing that he was enjoying the faeries fawning over him.

He was slim yet muscular at the same time. With somewhat curly blond hair and blue or green eyes, Elaine couldn't tell being so far away. He wore a slim-fit black shirt that enhanced his muscles and dark blue jeans.

"Gyne! Clam down this instant!" Lady Belina's demanding voice silenced the faeries. She was the eyes and ears of the Elders, and she assisted them with their decisions. The faeries stopped their conversation with each other and waited for Lady Belina to speak.

Belina walked up to the podium and said, "I know everyone has concerns as to what's going on, but rest assured your questions will be answered," She sighed, "The elders are busy currently, and they sent me to make this announcement."

"We've made an alliance with the man who stands before Kalus Mikaelson. The elders have been withholding this information from everyone to not cause an uproar, but the vampire species has found out about our existence and is attempting to find a way to enter our dimension. It is no longer safe for any faerie to leave the dimension with this target on our backs. With this alliance, it hopefully guarantees peace with the vampires."

The loud chatter begins again, the faeries fearing for their safety. All they know is peace; they've been trained to use their powers to progress the community and help themselves. There has never been a situation where the young faeries had to use their powers for defense.

"Would any of you volunteer to assist Klaus Mikaelson on a tour of the Kallos world?" Lady Belina interrupted the chatter, and many faeries quickly raised their hands, shouting to be chosen.

Yet, Belina's eyes fell on Elaine; she smiled gracefully, motioning for Elaine to step onto the podium. The curly haired girl rapidly shook her head at the older woman, slowly backing up into the crowd.

"Elaine Moon! There isn't anyone who should make acquaintance with our guest other than the future leader. Come up here, Elaine!"

Elaine silently cried inside as she felt everyone's eyes on her. Her shaky legs walked towards the man, her nails digging into her palm.

"Everyone, clear out and continue with your daily activities. Please do not bother our guest unless approached. Thank you for your time!"

Elaine watched as the faeries reluctantly left the hall. Lady Belina waved goodbye to her, mouthing good luck. Her eyes continued to follow Belina, fearing to look towards the man who she felt was staring her down.

"You don't seem pleased to be the one to assist me." He stated matter of factly.

Her eyes widened at the notion of making him feel unwanted, "No, I'm just in shock, is all," Elaine spoke uneasily, scratching at her wrist as a nervous habit. "Nothing to do with you though! Well, it's everything to do with you."

"There's no need to be nervous, love; I don't bite." Klaus teased her, his words having a double meaning that she didn't quite get.

She giggled, feeling a strange sensation in her stomach. "I guess you're right, but you're nothing like the man I imagined," Elaine admitted while walking towards the exit to begin the tour.

As he walked beside her, she couldn't help but be dumbstruck by the noticeable height difference. Most of the faeries are around the same height.

She felt her cheeks warm up as she heard his deep, rich laugh, "And what do you think a man would look like?" Klaus sounded amused by her behavior.

"I don't know, maybe overwhelming tall, a mix of man and beast, scars all over and-" Elaine was cut off by Klaus laughing.

"I'm sorry, love, I don't mean to laugh." He somewhat offered an apology, even though he didn't sound all that sorry.

"It's okay, but I am kind of disappointed that you're not as monster-like or evil." Elaine joked, attempting to match his energy.

"Trust me, love, I'm as bad as it gets." Klaus insisted, awhile charming her with his gleaming smile.

Elaine laughs, not fully thinking about his words. "This is Celaedon Hollow, you'll find everything you need in here," She explained, stopping in front of the huge shopping center, "We use crystals as our currency, but depending on the owner, she'll trade something of yours as a payment."

As they walked through the shopping center, Elaine watched as Klaus admired the scenery and architecture. He looked almost like a kid, she giggled to herself, every newcomer that came before him had the same reaction.

"If you think this is beautiful, wait until I show our worship area!"

"I wasn't aware that faeries follow a religion."

Elaine tuned out the whispers and stares the other faeries gave the two, "Well, we don't follow any human religions if that's what you're thinking. We simply pay thanks to the divine entity who created the faerie species."

Klaus hummed, "If you don't mind me prying, but what exactly is the Palingenesis Festival?"

Elaine sighed, hoping that he wouldn't notice the flyers and banners hanging around the shopping center, "Well, it's a celebration of me."

"Please explain further," Klaus asked, but it sounded more like a demand.

"Palingenesis means rebirth, and the divine entity I was speaking of," Elaine sighed, "simply put, everyone believes I'm the reincarnation of the entity."

Klaus suddenly seemed more invested in their conversation than before, "So, that's why Belina said you were the soon to be leader." He acknowledged, putting the pieces together.

"Yes, the days leading up to the day I was born, are celebrated with foods, activities, and gifts."

"That sounds rather enjoyable."

"It is, but it does get exhausting tuning into the other world and blessing the faeries with a prophecy."

"You have the gift of precognition and clairvoyance." Klaus mused, finding himself becoming more interested in the girl's abilities.

"In a way, it's not all that exciting, though. Sometimes it's more of a burden than a gift." She mumbled, beginning to feel discomfort as they continued the conversation, "But can we change the topic, please?"

"It wasn't my intention to make you uncomfortable." He reassured her, there was still more time for him to learn more about the faerie.

"There's no need to apologize." Elaine smiled, wanting to lighten the mood, "But anyways, this is the Marigold Village, the older faeries live here."

They continued exploring Philia's Keep. She showed him the different attractions and neighborhoods that the land could offer. Throughout the tour, Elaine and Klaus continued to make small talk about whatever she was showing him, "I'm sorry to cut this trip short, but if I show you the entirety of Kallos, we'll be walking for days." She joked.

"That's quite alright, it is getting late." He offered, staring down at Elaine as they stopped walking.

He watched as she continuously avoided making eye contact. Which he found amusing considering she didn't make eye contact with him this entire time. Klaus felt somewhat satisfied that he had such an effect on her.

"Did Belina tell you where you're supposed to stay?" She questioned him, taking a small step backward because she was starting to feel consumed by his aura.

"I believe Melos Village, cottege 11."

Elaine gasped, her mood noticeably changing, "I live in Melos Village, isn't that ironic?" She pointed it out. She kind of enjoyed her conversation with Klaus, she couldn't explain why she felt surprisingly comfortable making small talk with him.

Klaus chuckled at her excitement, "I guess we're going to be seeing a lot of each other."

"Come on, let's go." She smiled.

                                                       જ⁀➴

They walk into the village together, silence engulfing them as the other faeries return home, "The number of your house should be on the mailbox, I can still take you there if you want." Elaine offered.

"I'd rather walk you home."

"Oh, that's not necess-" She started to say, but was quickly interrupted.

"I insist." He pressed.

Elaine's eyebrows furrowed, and she hesitated, "Okay." She began to walk towards her cottage. The silence once again engulfed them as they made the short trip.

Stopping in front of number 15, "This is me," she said, slightly bouncing on her toes.

Klaus tilted his head enough to make eye contact with her, "I'll see you later, Elaine." He assured, walking away before she could respond.

She stood at her door in a state of allure, and once again, she couldn't understand why.

[jewish-vents]

Constantly visiting this blog and reading the rants of other Jews suffering like me....I cannot stop crying all the time. So much of us in pain and no one listening. I'm scared. Will it take something huge for everyone else to listen? How far will their hatred go? I can't stop thinking about that post on R/Jewish titled "Be ready this time." Will they still gaslight us even when the hatred becomes so big even they cannot deny or ignore it?

As a South Asian, I saw how brown people were lumped together and suffered after 9/11. To this day, everyone still makes 9/11 jokes but it was us who paid the price. How bad will the world punish us for this? I can't stop feeling suicidal. We will always be blamed for everything wrong in the world. We will never have allies, even our own people turn their backs on us in order to secure that "Good Jew" spot to avoid the dire consequences of being a "bad one".

I hate how betrayed I feel. It was so predictable, yk? The switch up. For the past few years, I couldn't stop feeling like antisemitism was gonna be back in style soon. My family thought it was just paranoia. Then it happened and yet I don't think I could ever get over it or stomach it. How do we even begin to process how quickly everyone embraced extreme, conservative levels of antisemitism? The moment they all took the stance that "Antisemitism isn't real/nothing is antisemitism not even antisemitism is antisemitism" against Israel's "everything is antisemitism", everything went to shit.

Watching the antisemitism happen in real time haunts me too....I can barely sleep. October 7th was already such a horrible day on the internet, don't get me wrong but on my side, at least I saw some people trying to push the "peace for all sides" stance. But after a week or so (maybe a few days tbh), I saw the antisemitism take over everywhere and it replays in my mind, making me sick. They couldn't wait to hate us. They were so happy that they no longer had to care about Jews or antisemitism (They never even spoke about us or our oppression anyways but now they can finally talk about us like the conservatives they oh so hate while also gaslighting us!)

And it sucks to admit but it hurts even more that my fellow people of color and queer people see us as such threats. We're just supposed to take it. We can't ever talk about how Muslims have oppressed us....When Kanye went Nazi, I saw a lot of people fall into antisemitic conspiracies and put the blame on us as well as all their anger and frustrations because somehow it's our fault he never got deplatformed for his "slavery was a choice" remarks and we always have "an agenda". We're just the perfect punching bags because there's so little of us and most people in the world have never met a Jew and yet think they know us through "The Jews killed Jesus" and "The Jews own the world".

I love you all. Everyone who posts on here and of course the person or persons who run this blog. I know we will survive this. We are so strong....we shouldn't have to be but we are anyway and I'm so proud. We've been here before and we will probably be here again over and over. But I'm so honored.

They can try to run over random Jews and shoot our schools and get the world to turn against any Jew by simply calling them a Zionist (which starts a serious isolation of Jews from the world as many Jews get boycotted in the name of antizionism) and attack our elders as they leave synagogues and leave antisemitic flyers in our neighborhoods saying we are the one true evil and do everything you can possibly imagine to harm us and we'll always be here. Everyone finally gets unity through Judenhass but what's new?

Thank you for this blog. It's so easy to feel like we're so alone but we have each other 💕 Sorry for this really long rant. I came here feeling extra hurt because I lost another friend recently. She came to me to have a long antisemitic rant about this white Jewish girl in our circle. Then a concerned friend sent me screenshots of a thread laughing and mocking us on 4chan (🤢🤮) about how Leftists hate Jews more than 4chan now. I can't take any of this anymore. But I am truly grateful for this blog and this space to yell and scream 💕

.

[xiaomainlmao]

"Your Scars are also Beautiful" - Vil Schoenheit x gn! reader

Tw- self-harm, insecurities, nudity (without sexual intentions)

Just a sh comfort fic with Vil

A/n- very self-indulgent because I'm insecure about mine (and yet, still have the urges), I want nothing more than to be acknowledged despite my past decisions.

----------

"Oh there are a lot of things I feel nervous about when it comes to my bare body." You laughed, finding Vil's question to be quite amusing. After all, who goes asking people about what they think of their own naked body?

A very self- conscious model apparently. Your very self-conscious model.

"Well first off," you stated matter-of-factly, "my thighs feel too urm big?"

"Your thighs definitely look very squishy, but I don't think it's necessary for you to just suddenly loose all that fat." Vil replied, his thumb prodding at his chin to show he was carefully picking his words. "In fact, they look so squishy I find it a little cute. Be careful, I might end up using your thighs as a pillow some day." He chuckled at his own joke, causing you to roll your eyes before letting out a chuckle of your own.

He probably would end up doing that though.

"Well moving on, I'm scared of my bare back, because I can't see it. Sevens know whether or not my back has some weird spots, or marks or whatever." You said shaking your head, not knowing whether you conveyed the message or not.

Vil just chuckled again. "Darling I hardly doubt that there could be anything weird there if you haven't done anything. Go on, what else?"

"…well again I am insecure about my thighs." You softly laughed, but he caught the way your eyes went from seeming amused to looking a little sad. Even if you were smiling, there was certainly something serious about this particular thing.

"Why so?"

"I happen… to have certain scars there." Came a meek, hesitant reply from your side.

Vil's could feel his breath hitch. He paused, then went over to the door and made sure it was locked before sitting down on a chair and urging you towards him.

Two steps forward, but you didn't go over to him.

"Love, can I ask you to strip?"

"Huh?"

His gaze didn't falter. Vil looked you in the eyes, not showing any hesitation.

"Isn't… isn't that a bit…"

"Please trust me."

You stared at him for 2 minutes, before hesitantly nodding and taking your clothes off, left only in your underclothes. He beckoned you over, patting his thighs. "Sit."

You spread your legs to wrap them around him when he stopped you. "Laterally, I just want to hold you."

You settled yourself between his legs as he held your hips to help you balance. After a moment of hesitation, you leaned into his chest, sighing at the warmth. Listening to his rapid heartbeat. The heart can really tell you how the person feels about the situation, no matter how calm you look.

Usually, looking at someone undress can turn people on. But despite the proximity between you both, Vil didn't seem even slightly aroused. You looked up to see him. He was looking down at you, holding you as gently as the gentle smile adorning his face.

When you looked comfortable enough, Vil let his hands roam your body. Using his index, he traced your hips, feeling it curve underneath his touch. He went lower to trace the underside of your thighs, before slowly moving upward until he he stopped at your scars. Slowly, he started circling them, humming in acknowledgement.

The bumps left behind by the cuts were already prominent visually, and now he could also feel them, physically and emotionally.

He sighed directly in your ear. "You don't have to tell me anything about them right now, though I do wish to know about it at one point. However, whether I know the reason behind why you did this or not, if you ever have the urge to do it again, just come to me yeah? I'd gladly postpone my shoots to comfort you."

You lifted your legs up to place them both at the edge of the chair, to which Vil responded by placing his hands between your thighs and calves, letting you curl into a ball in his lap.

You felt Vil sigh into your hair. "If I could move, I probably would've gotten you those oils on my table. Massages not only help relieve tension in muscles, but can also soothe your mind by calming you. All this while also making sure your skin is in good condition." He thread his fingers through your hair, combing it with one hand while still holding onto you with the other.

The warmth, the softness of his hand, the gentleness of his touch... all of it was so comforting.

Vil felt you shake a bit as you let out croaked sob. "If you want to cry, feel free to. We're in the comfort of my room after all." He held on tight. His hands alternated between threading through your hair and massaging your legs.

He shuffled a bit, before picking you up bridal style and laying you both down on his bed. His hands found your face, as he gently wiped a tear away with his thumb, his lavender eyes softly holding your gaze. Then you felt him pull you closer to him, allowing you to get comfortable in his warm embrace.

"It's okay. I'm right here, and will be here all night, for you."

[drivinmeinsane]

Colt is going to be the love of my life and I don't think you should be writing about him so soon. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM. You're probably just projecting harmful thoughts onto MY BABY like you do with Ken. Cut! It! Out! ✂️💥

The wonderful thing about liking characters that are in the public eye, everyone will have differing thoughts on those characters and the ways they wish to interact with their source material. I appreciate the message, it inspired me to assume even more things about Colt Seavers. <3

{ masterlist }

※ Summary: It's golden hour at the beach. You and Colt have some waves to catch.

※ Rating: T for suggestive remarks.

※ Word count: 609

“I can carry my own board,” you protest as you watch your companion begin sliding the epoxied piece of polyurethane from the bed of his lifted truck. Colt pauses to look at you, an easy smile on his face. The sand is cool under your feet. The entire beach is awash in a golden hour glow. It was bordering on being too cold to be riding waves, but that wasn’t enough to make the stuntman hesitate. He lived for pushing the limits.  “I’ll be all weirdly lopsided if I don’t,” he jokes, dramatically tipping to the side under the weight of his surfboard that he’s already tucked underneath one arm.   You roll your eyes at him, but drop it. He’s too stubborn to argue with when he gets it in his head that he wants to do something nice for you. You latch the truck’s tailgate for him once he has both boards in his possession. The two of you start off towards the lapping ocean. This section of the beach is deserted, it’s only you and Colt out here. Even the gulls were absent, off harassing visitors on the more populated stretches of sand. “You think we’ll be lucky enough to see Bruce this time?” He asks over his shoulder. He turns just enough that you can see the laughter lines crinkle around his eyes at his own commentary. “Only you would be excited by the idea of getting eaten by an oversized fish.”  “I mean... whose idea of a good time doesn’t involve someone getting eaten?” He quips in response, tone flirty. You know that if the two of you were facing each other, he would have dragged his graze slowly up your body to further the remark. Torn between embarrassed and exasperated, you briefly cover your face with your hands. They do absolutely nothing to muffle your groan. You hear Colt chuckle when he sees your reaction out of the corner of his eye. He really could be the most insufferable person alive, but damn, if you didn’t love him all the same.  The water is cold as the waves push over your feet. You hiss at the sensation, but take your surfboard from Colt all the same. You both lean down to secure your ankle tethers. Upon straightening back up, Colt squeezes your shoulder. His hand is hot on your bare skin and you lean into his touch, chasing the warmth. “Ready?” You ask him. “I was born ready,” and with that, you’re both plunging into the water.  You shout encouragements at each other as you attempt to maneuver through the ocean. During one particular effort to crest a wave, Colt wipes out spectacularly. He somersaults through the air with a shrill shriek before he hits the water. You laugh so hard about it that you lose balance and pitch headfirst into the waves yourself. He’s right there when you resurface, hair plastered to his forehead and sitting on his surfboard with a sheepish grin spread across his face. He watches while you pull yourself back onto your own board. He paddles closer, until your knees are brushing. “Hey,” he says, leaning in.  “Hey yourself,” you answer, closing the distance.  He cradles the side of your face with one large hand. His thumb makes slow passes over your cheekbone, caressing. You allow yourself to get lost in the firm press of his mouth against yours, the taste of salt on his lips, and the warmth of his body. If Colt’s favorite fictional shark were to pull you down underneath the water right now, you think you would die happy having been loved by this man.