#you recognize that a lack of empathy is one thing

[jaythelay]

Don't bother with R's, they'll show you inhumanity and selfishness unseen by your innocent mind.

Send to friends and family, bait and switch comments asking for links to YT videos, say it was an accident, followed by quotes by R politicians, such as Dump's, current, VP pick.

Normal people will have the normal reaction you did reading this. They will not think about it without the external information sharing. Make them. Because R's don't think. They Larp.

[kisskiss-slashslash]

Can we have where the Slasher's S/O's friend was about to kill the slasher to save the S/O, but turns out that she didn't want him/her to kill him? When the friend asked "why the hell not" or "Why are you defending him" etc. She would say: "Because I love him!" Which was the first time the slashers ever heard her say something like that. (Not sure what would happen to the friend, so it doesn't matter what you decide)

Include: Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Bubba Sawyer, Thomas Hewitt, and if possible the Sinclairs; if that's too much, don't worry about the Sinclairs, the others are just fine.

Thank you

There you go! Hope you like it.

The reader stopping their friend from killing the slashers

Jason Voorhees

Normally, being caught alone by Jason would be a death sentence. But from the first moment you two had laid eyes on each other, there had been a spark. Perhaps it was the way you showed no fear to him, you didn't insult or belittle him, the way so many others did. You saw him, recognized him and showed… empathy. Something Jason hasn't experienced since the death of his mother. And you, seeing his hard gaze soften at being showed basic kindness, find yourself making excuses to be alone, just hoping that Jason would seek you out again. Your friend is already starting to get concerned about you isolating yourself, and worse, leaving them alone and vulnerable while the rest of the group is getting picked off one by one. Then there's only the two of you left, and your friend managed to corner Jason, ready to strike with an axe… "STOP!" You quickly maneuver yourself between them and Jason. "Please… stop. No more." "Get out of the way", your friend says, voice strained with rage. You shake your head, tears burning your eyes. "No. Don't hurt him. I-…" You look over your shoulder, meeting Jason's gaze. "I… love him." Jason's eyes widen in the shadows of his mask. "Don't be an idiot!", your friend shouts. "Do you think he will spare you just because you've got a stupid crush on him?!" Your heart is hammering in your chest as you slowly lift your hands in a pacifying gesture. "Please. We can end this here. Put down the axe." Let's out a furious snarl, but tosses the axe aside nonetheless and stomps off. You lower your hands again and take a deep breath to calm yourself, when a huge, rough hand curls itself around one of your hands. You manage a shakey smile, letting your fingers intertwine with his.

Freddy Krueger

If this is what Freddy is usually like, you don't feel like you need to be all that scared of him. In fact, the dreams he sends you into are fun more than anything; but maybe that is just the adrenaline junkie in you speaking. Though at first your lack of fear was met with exasperation by Freddy, now he seems to find it quite endearing, and enjoys coming up with new things to try and scare you. Of course, if you ever break and actually do get scared, things won't look too good for you. But for now, your dreams consist of macabre banter in spooky locations that are oh so fun to explore. You come up with a scoring system of how well Freddy's ideas would work on someone who was less fearless than you. Over the many nights, the banter goes from dark jokes to light flirting to downright dirty talk, and you are enjoying the hell out of it. But then he involves a friend of yours; someone who is much more easily frightened. Freddy is testing you, you know that. Forcing you to make a choice. But when your friend turns out way more resilient than either of you expected, and actually finds a way to harm him… for the first time since Freddy entered your dreams, you feel fear. You are absolutely terrified. They stand over Freddy, who is snarling at them like a trapped animal. You don't know where you got the knife. It just suddenly appeared in your hand. So you approach your friend and hold the blade against their neck. "Step away from my boyfriend", you say in a low, hoarse voice. "Or else." "Boyfriend?", echo both Freddy and your friend. Your gaze flits back and forth between them. No way you would backpedal now. "You heard me." They turn to you, horror mixed with anger warping their face into an almost mask-like grimace. And just as they want to go off on you.. their head pops like an overfilled balloon, covering you in blood, grey matter, bone shards and cerebrospinal fluid. You wipe the mess off your face, thoroughly grossed out. "Whelp. I guess I just blew their mind." Freddy and you look at each other and burst out laughing.

Bubba Sawyer

You have a good understanding of other people's emotions, so you also quickly understand the family dynamics of the Sawyer family; Bubba's position in the family most of all. The one who does most of the dirty work and gets the least amount of credit for it. The youngest brother, the bottom of the Sawyer hierarchy. You feel bad for him; there seems to be a genuinely sweet guy underneath all of the… the murder and cannibalism. And just a few hours ago, he seemed to be genuinely sorry to have to kill you. It reminds you so much of your own family dynamic. So when your friend actually managed to disarm him and turn his own chainsaw against him, you feel the need to step in. "Hold on." "What do you mean, 'hold on'? These guys wanted to eat us!" "And I think he doesn't like that any more than we do." Bubba nervously licks his lips, not sure what to make of your words. But when you reach out your hand, he takes it with only slight hesitation. "He's not a bad person", you say, not once letting your eyes stray from Bubba's. Your friend's hands tighten around the chainsaw. "You talk about this… thing like you have feelings for him." You consider it for a moment before answering:"Well… maybe I do." These four words hang heavily in the air for a moment. "You're crazy", your friend says breathlessly. "Maybe", you reply, and wrench the chainsaw out of their hands, handing it back to Bubba, who still hasn't fully processed your confession. "But who isn't these days."

Thomas Hewitt

You have known Thomas since childhood, though at some point, your family moved away, as so many people did. But even back when you were a child, you always had a crush on him. So after many many years, you decide to take a few friends on a trip to the place you called home during your youth. You get separated from your friends, and run into the Hewitts on your own. At first, they do not recognize you. But then you call every single one of them by name, and they remember that kid that used to hang around Thomas all the time. And Thomas himself? He is thrilled to see you again, beyond thrilled, even. His welcoming hug lingers just a little longer than it would be socially appropriate, and while you catch up with Luda Mae, you hear Hoyt and Monty tease him about you. And then everything goes downhill when your sole surviving friend shows up, armed to the teeth, to "rescue" you. Even though the Hewitts have crossed all lines of morality during your long absence, you feel a deep protective instinct flare up in you. And when you look at Thomas, it becomes so all-consuming that you know you would rather die than let him get hurt. So you confront your friend on your own, though you can feel Thomas' gaze linger on you. "They are my friends", you explain calmly. "Please don't hurt them." "Please don't hurt them", your friend imitates you mockingly. "Funny how you didn't seem to mind them hurting the others." "I'm not going to ask you again", you say, hoping to still resolve this whole matter peacefully. "Why? Why protect them? They are killing people! That freak with the mask-" You get goosebumps at having to say it out loud. "His name is Thomas, and I love him. I will not let you speak of him this way." A huge shadow falls over you, and you don't even have to turn around to know it's him. Then there's another set of footsteps, and the sound of a shotgun being cocked. "Get your little friend inside, Tommy. I'll handle this." There is a way too excited glint in Hoyt's eyes as he says this. Thomas places his hand at the small of your back and guides you towards the entrance door. You hear the shotgun go off, and despite the painful knot your stomach is in, you look at Thomas and find yourself smiling.

[death---dealer]

Blue Eyes x Human!Reader Imagines. ( Part One. )

im crying another set of 3 oneshots? all for our BOY/// someone sedate me. Comments, likes, reblogs are very much appreciated, spread the LOVE FOR BLUE EYES WORLDWIDE.

Blue Eyes Taking you Fishing.

There were surely a lot of things that you didn't know how to do or how to properly execute in the time since the Simian Flu radiated most of the Human Population and left you all beggars in desperate need of survival skills that the society that was destroyed left you completely defenseless and lack of knowledge was evident in most everything that you had to encounter thus far with the Ape Colony. That… You tilted your head in thought, thinking that your train of thought had gotten a bit side-tracked and moved its momentum towards a more negative out view; That in itself was negative thinking. Their King, Caesar, granted you permission to stay once he had seen the reckless abandonment of things such as empathy and understanding at the state you were in when you were found; almost torn to shreds by another Human because they saw something valuable in the things you were carrying. If they knew any better, they’d have left you alone. There was very little on you other than a few fishing hooks, a fishing reel and a sack of clothing. Often finding refuge in the ruins of old abandoned buildings, it was evident that you were not suited to fight to survive, taking advantageous leaps when you saw something that resembled Humanity's old ways.

Maybe, scanning your eyes across the river that your feet were soaking in, up to your mid-calf, torn and shredded but worn and comfortable tactical pants rolled up and barely skimming the edges of the torrent water, maybe that’s why Caesar allowed you to stay. He recognized something in you that most Humans had forgotten, had chosen to forget in a world lacking in trust. Ten years had passed, and there was still good in the world, though that bitter thought was often overlooked in favor of the Apes you had gotten to know in your last few months of staying with them, that worldly insight you always wanted to have coming to the forefront of all your actions.

They… Well, not they, you muttered to yourself and let your piercing gaze land on the crowned shoulders of the Ape Prince himself. He was teaching you all there was to know, a task that you knew was burdened on him from Caesar. While love and affection were clearly evident, it was also vividly known that the azure stare of the Ape you were staring towards also listened to his Father.

You had seen their signed conversation, one side talking, the other using hands, confused in the moment as you knew nothing of signed language, but looking back at it now it was crystal clear, clearer than his eyes themselves that even mirrored the shined gleam of the water, what was being said. Blue Eyes was determined not to be the one to deal with you, he’d rather not associate out of the fear of not knowing you, not understanding you. The adamance that he didn't want to teach you, that it was going to prove fruitless, that Koba, whose eyes followed you the entire time in search of something to tear down, was right. 

Humans were not good, so why should he help you? Clueless, not up to the standards that he seemed to fake out and follow without any knowledge of your own self, your own personality and often fell in line with Koba as far as ‘every human is bad’ mentality went. Caesar had shut him down with a stern glower and explained to his Son that it was his responsibility, and if he cared to take Ash along with him, he was free to do so. But, Blue Eyes needed to teach you the ways of the Colony. 

He never understood his Father’s illicit attitude towards Humans. Not… That you could blame him, letting your eyes fall down to the water around your feet and let your toes dig further into the crumbling sediment below. You… Wouldn’t trust them either. It was still there, an unworthy knot of distrust, not to say that it wasn’t mutual. Something about the way he looked at you, your heart fluttering wildly in your chest as you watched his dexterous shoulders move with such pinpoint precision, something about the way he stared at you made your skin crawl, like Blue Eyes was trying to dig himself under it and nestle his way around.

Sure, some spotting glances you matched with him were out of curiosity, some were even gentle as you had shown him how to tie your shoelaces. Eye for an eye, he had taken you out to make spear heads the next day. 

Last night… Feeling the sweat build up on your palms, you felt flushed with an onslaught of embarrassment when you admitted to Blue Eyes, River, Ash and Lake that… You were not good at fishing. You had to explain with fashioned hand signs, not even words but pictures with your fingers, of what a fishing pole was, spinning your hand around in a circle as you described what a reel was. What a fishing hook was, your pointer finger curled into a ‘J’ formation. How you’d sit and wait for the fishes to come to you, a really popular pastime for Humans. Hell, there were even tournaments that were broadcasted on TV! They didn't understand that, you dropped it when you saw the look of confusion on their face, not wanting to have to explain another thing about Humans.

You were laughed at, Ash deducing it to be a rather lazy way to go around it. What satisfaction did you get without actually moving in the water yourself and sitting on the shoreline and waiting? No fun! Blue Eyes had watched you looking at your knees, biting at your bottom lip for a moment as you blinked a few times, laughing silently to yourself as you nodded in agreement. There was no noise to your chortle, Blue Eyes only a few puffs of air hit him as he had been sitting adjacent to you in the closed circle. 

The words from you ceased and died in the dust as he stared at you, picking the bowl of fresh berries with a content amusement to keep yourself distracted, to not say something so Human again. Tilting his head, he brought a berry to his mouth and pulled it in on his tongue languidly as he listened to Ash chattering to River about the Human way of fishing hile studying your reaction.

They were only joking, things weren’t meant to always be taken so seriously. Was it a human thing? The Prince wondered and plucked another berry into his mouth, enjoying the chew it had against his canines.  To them… It did sound weird, once again, no blame to be cast for their reactions, but yours left him more perplexed.

There was a drop in Blue Eyes’ stomach like he’d eaten a sour berry as you stood without another word, not even an utterance of a ‘goodbye’ or ‘goodnight’. Down you went, he watched the climb and fall of your feet against the uneven ground, your hand raising to place against your cheek. Wh… Narrowing his gaze, he could smell the sweat and saltiness falling off you in waves as you departed.

And as you teetered your way back to the hut that was provided for you that you returned to after dinner had broken and Apes were flooding back to your family, tonight opting to return a bit earlier as you were suddenly thrusted into… How much you missed Humans, as awful as they were. How you missed being able to talk to them and have them understand you, a few sliding tears casing down your eyes and off your chin to mix into the mud below your feet.

You hadn’t heard Blue Eyes as he came to catch you before you managed your way along the slick rock. ‘Would,’ You drew a deep breath in as you looked at him in the pale light of the bonfire you were escaping from, the tears were evident on your face, Blue Eyes able to see them falling and you were doing nothing to catch them anymore.

He… He had never seen you cry, not even sure if Humans were capable. Sure, Apes were, but it wasn’t a common occurrence, their bodies not adapted with the proper tear ducts to actually produce longevity cries. You on the other hand, Blue Eyes felt his brow harden out of confusion. Were openly crying over something that you had said that was joked around about. You were looking at his hands, he suddenly realized, forgetting what he wanted to sign towards you.

‘Would… Like to know more… Human fishing.’ You were so envious that even though his fingers were thick and stocky, they were remarkable in how they moved like liquid itself and it kept you as captivated as it was to look in his gaze straight on, 

“It’s really stupid, Ash is right-”

‘Not… Right. To… Make fun of something… he does not understand.’Drawing your eyebrows together at that, you tilted your head and wondered for a moment if the fish you had eaten at dinner was spoiled and you were now in a state of food-poison induced hallucinations. Blue Eyes never stood up for you, fear radiated around him that he’d be ridiculed for being different, for being too much like Caesar and the heavy hand of Koba always loomed over his actions with you, though you sensed in moments that he was looking at you while you were paying attention elsewhere, the lingering of his hands above yours as he showed you how to tie a spearhead against a thicket of wood, saving you a spot at the communal dinner when he shared with the Apes he had grown up with… 

All things that were meant to keep you included, but you had often pinned that on Caesar and Blue Eyes being under direction. Nothing, it seemed, was of his own volition until now. He never cared about Human things before, about your opinions even though you had plenty to spare and kept them to yourself for this reason. Reaching up, you finally wiped away some of your tears and shrugged. “Not their fault.” You forced a smile.

‘Will you… tell me more?’

There was a moment of silence between the two of you as you looked down at him, his posture that of standing on all fours as it was his fastest means of transporting his larger body. Blue Eyes was unwavering in his stare down at you, your eyes not comfortable to meet his gaze as you nodded softly, muttering a tiny, “Can you… teach me how to fish like an Ape?”

‘Better,’ Blue Eyes signed, ‘Teach you how to fish like Chimpanzee.’

And that’s how this moment came to fruition. This moment alone. With Blue Eyes. Who was so graceful in his movements, able to hold himself confidently alongside a spear that was longer than his own height. He’d plunge it into the water without reserve, a true testament to how much more strength he had in his arms than you did. Swallowing lightly, you flexed your bicep under your jacket. Weak and flabby, nothing compared to the sheer terror of muscles that must have been hiding under Blue Eyes’ fur. You wondered for a moment, peaking your spear into the water and mixing it around like you were making a potion, if he’d ever let you touch him. Just out of curiosity! Your mind exploded, denying anything more. Out of a want to know what it… Felt like. Compared to your own, compared to the Humans you used to get showered affection from. ‘Need to hold the spear better.’ 

Startled straight out of your daydream of the Ape you had your focus on, Blue Eye suddenly manifested in front of you, having been a few meters away only seconds ago. Fumbling the wooden shaft in your hands, you laughed nervously at the form that was displayed. Knees brought together, balance almost non-existent as you were afraid of scraping the bottom of your foot on a sharp rock, your face suddenly flushed from the proximity of which he held himself in conjunction with your own body. Less than three inches away as he raised his own spear in demonstration. 

Locking onto the formation he put himself in, he pretended to throw it into the water, Blue Eyes bringing his glance back to you. His azure gaze said it all. It was your turn to mimic him, drawing your bottom lip in, captivating his attention as you were slow to grasp the spear correctly, recalling just how easy it was for the Chimp. “Better?” You whispered, hating the waver than was in your voice.

‘Not much, entire body is off.’ Blue Eyes signing was muttered, as strange as that sounded. It was as if you were able to hear the words in your mind as he showed you them, the tone vivid in how he moved his fingers against each other. Silence once again rocketed between the two of you. Blue Eyes looked down at your legs, so long in comparison to his own and so bare without the fabric that were encasing them. The parting of your calves, fatty and tender, something that Blue Eyes felt a sudden urge to bite with his canines, tearing away his perception of what was previously felt about you, versus the bringing in nature of your knees, bony and not substantiated to hold weight like his own. 

Awkward, he noted to himself and drew upwards towards the dip of your hips were he had rested for far too long, uncomfort seeping into the back of his mind, flooding his heightened senses beyond their scope of knowledge. Very… Human… Blue Eyes wanted to say and slated his gaze onto your neck, primarily your jugular and the Ape wanted nothing more than to feel the jump of your pulse against his hand, faster than an Ape? Slower than an Ape? He wanted to know. Downwards he went, meeting his thoughts in the middle of your body at your chest- muzzled inside of your jacket but he was able to see the outline of your breasts from the moments in the sun where he had been able to see through the thinner nature of your t-shirts. 

That- He stiffened for just a moment and moved his own body away from yours to demonstrate stance, that was something he did not like to think about, the disgusting pull in his stomach dropping below to rest in his lower navel like he were going to upchuck at any moment. There was nothing special about them, Female Apes had the same characteristic.

You--- Yours, he dropped his eyes once more to the zipper on your jacket sitting against your collarbones, yours were different though and his own morbid curiosity struck him. He wondered if he’d ask, if you’d feel comfortable showing him, just so he knew what they looked like, just so Blue Eyes could understand more what Caesar’s infliction towards you Humans came from. Nothing more, Blue Eyes had convinced himself of that, nothing less.

‘Stand, legs,’ He patted his own muscular thigh with a free hand and managed to man-handle the spear with his other. ‘Apart. Need… good movement to go forward.’

Ah, you nodded in understanding, giving him a word that was better. “Leverage.”

That was a word he’d not heard before, bringing both hands down to grasp the spear tightly. Good movement, leverage. Nice to know, Blue Eyes and watched as you parted your knees from each other and stanced your body correctly. Well--- He pressed his lips together at your shoulders and how stiff they had become. Better than you were, he would take what he could get. 

‘Need to throw hard,’ He turned his body to stand side-by-side with you, shoulder brushing your own and tingling at the polyester of your jacket that was intruding on the moment. ‘Lift,’ You both lifted at the same time, ‘Throw’. And down they went, the spears straight into the water. The laugh you gave was incredible to the Ape next to you, your head tilting back as you raised your hands above your head in a mild victory as you chanted optimism at yourself.

“Did you see that?! That was AWESOME!” Blue Eyes staggered his feet a bit, watching in curious motions as you moved towards your spear, slightly shorter than his own and plucked it straight from the water. And on the tip, laid the tiniest fish he had ever seen. Not even sure if it qualified as a fish or not, you were not one to take any losses as you waved it at Blue Eyes, “Look!!! I caught one!” 

Smiling at him, you watched in baited anticipation as he looked at the small fry fish and nodded before his ample eyes looked at your lips. Smile. Blue Eyes pondered that. Was… Hm… He came forward a bit to grasp at his own spear to see if he had caught anything himself. Was that something his Father liked about Humans? Their… Smiles? Hand grasping the shaft of his spear, he looked back over at you as you admired your minuscule catch with a grin adorning your cheeks, the action taking form under your eyes as well as wrinkles took hold beside your eyes. Yes… Blue Eyes thought to himself, not even invested in seeing what he had caught himself, that must be it. Must be one of those things. Those… Human things.

Meeting Cornelius for the First Time.

It was a warmer day than usual, you took note and tilted your head back and drew in the rays of the peeking sun as it made itself known to your skin. Not much, it was still a cloud laden sky but it was better than nothing, muggy around the edges from the constant bombardment of rain that swept through the landscape, but nothing too unbearable and it felt amazing to soak in the warmth to keep yourself toasty for the inevitable chill that was going to follow in the evening. 

There was quite a lively step to the Apes that were strolling by you as if the weather itself reminded them that they actually had fun things to do that day and it was easy to feel unmotivated and sullen in the gray rain, the bonfire a few meters away glowering a simmered orange as it was not needed for heat today, but you knew it would be stoked back to life to enjoy the blaze once dinner rolled right around. The flame itself now was hardly detectable as you looked down at it and smiled softly as you captured your attention on Blue Eyes, having just said goodbye to Ash.

Forearms were grasped together as they laughed, Blue Eyes himself standing and watching as his friend departed, a notion that was incredibly endearing and you found it difficult not to feel a surge in your heart as he dropped down onto all fours to begin his journey to find something to keep him busy. Shouldn’t be easy, you thought to yourself and smiled down at your hands, he was remarkably good at keeping himself up to tasks, even if it meant doing the smaller things no one else wanted.

Based on the position you could see the Sun in, it was time for a mid-day grazing of sorts, something even yourself took solace in from time to time. Too busy during the actual day to sit down for meals, instead, baskets of berries and some meat were sat on display in the communal area for those who wanted something to sustain them until the evening meal rolled around. That got you curious as he drifted himself towards it, down the slanted nature of the ground below you and to the left.

Blue Eyes didn't eat outside of morning and evening, your brain scratching itself at the fact that you knew his antics down like that. Drawing your knees out, you stretched them from their curled in position as you had been seated cross-legged and urged your body to stand. It did, your knees faltering for a moment as you urged the dead nerves awake and moved towards the baskets that Blue Eyes was scouring with his gaze. 

“Can’t find something good?” He must have sensed you coming as he so often did, shaking his head without even looking at you as the Ape signed at you one handed, ‘Want to bring something up to Mother.’’ Your eyes dawned in realization. Cornelia had given birth a week ago - Mentally, you slapped your head as the puzzle pieces came tumbling down. Caesar often brought her meals if she needed to rest, if he didn't want her to move from the nest as she had not been feeling well. And Caesar was gone with the council to scout some Human settlement that was embarking on the Colony’s outer east gate. It was rare that he left the Colony alone, and he must have set Blue Eyes to watch after Cornelia. “Do you need help?” Blue Eyes looked over at you for a moment before glancing down at the entanglement of two arms and two legs that he was holding against his chest, tiny fingers that were lighter than fur grasping so tightly at the fur on his chest, careful to not touch at the gaping scars that rested against his broad shoulder and down to encase his pectoral. You lingered there for a moment, silently thanking whoever would hear that they were beginning to heal and weren’t showing signs of infection. A chitter tore you from your admiration of that aspect of Blue Eyes. Grasping tightly at his older Brother’s fur to leverage himself against Blue Eyes’ forearm so they could analyze you, green eyes that were so gentle but held so much power by proxy, stared right at you as your mouth fell open. The human part of you wanted to shriek and go on about how cute he was. How precious, and how small but  the innate primal part of your mind tore that down at the idea that he was going to one day be as big, as intimidating as Caesar himself. But--- You bent down, Blue Eyes confident enough now to let you in a bit more, stayed stagnant. So cute! “Hi-his name is Cornelius, right? After your Mother?” Blue Eyes only nodded and let you raise your hand up cautiously for Cornelius to grasp a hold of your pointer finger. Blue Eyes himself was unsure if his brother would take the bait, it wasn’t uncommon for baby Chimps to be a bit reserved so close to being born, choosing to cling to those they knew best as it was a dangerous place, the world around them. But--- Blue Eyes saw the smile fluttering against your cheeks, the pull back as you bared your teeth, not in defense or intimidation, but it glee at seeing a baby, something not all too common now as it took Females years at times to reproduce, but with their booming numbers it was becoming more of a mainstay, twenty, if not more, young already raised and being taught by Maurice. Blue Eyes felt confident to at least let you try to greet the new Prince.

 It was certainly not something that Blue Eyes took salvage in, at least for the time being. He loved his brother, surely, but he was a young Ape who did not necessarily feel the pull towards that lifestyle yet. Something in his mind knew it would happen as he looked at the crown of your head in contemplation, not able to see your face any longer from the angle of which you had yourself. Surely… Blue Eyes shifted his feet minutely. He would find a mate to carry his young. Someday. Certainly… Not… Now… He heard you laugh as Cornelius lightly released his right hand from his big brother, from the security of the known and wandered the tiny fingers towards your pointer, coming in the scarcest contact with the very, very tip.. “Hi Cornelius. I’m (Name).” Brow ridge stiffened at the sound of your voice, so mild and gentle, soothing almost as a thought crossed Blue Eyes’ mind. Were… Were you familiar with babies? At least, Human ones? You’d never brought it up… Well, there was never really any conversation to bring it up in but the inquiry still stood as he admired the way you lifted your finger a bit and brought it back down, Blue Eyes recognizing the motion as a hand-shake of sorts that you had taught him about a few months ago. His mouth was open as you drew yourself into a crouched position to get a better look at the baby.

His fur appeared softer as it was back dropped against Blue Eyes, his touch barely more than a cusp before he drew his minuscule hand towards his and dug it back to the familiarity of Blue Eyes’ broad chest, giving a muffled yawn before rustling his face into the warm. Blue Eyes reacted, holding a bit more tightly, forearm stiffening before relaxing as Cornelius coo’ed ever so gently. “He’s tired.” You commented hap-hazardly, not expecting to get any conversation back. 

Instead, you dallied and looked up at Blue Eyes himself. His movements seemed so natural, like he was born to do this, holding a baby in his arms as your mind raced with the idea that… You were right in thinking that Blue Eyes would eventually become a Father himself as he had already proven himself a mighty hunter, provider as he was taking care of his Mother and skilled in more aspects than one. Your gut churned at the idea that he was eventually going to abandon you for another even though he wasn’t yours, even though you weren’t his despite having grown closer and closer by the day. Jealousy was not befitting of you, you knew that but Blue Eyes was just so--- So…

Handsome, your eyes drew themselves along his face, lingering a moment on the injury under his right eye with a twinge of empathy, and felt hear sitting at the back of your throat, surely not as bit as Caesar but with time he was going to be, caring and thoughtful, something that came as a surprise to you once Blue Eyes finally started opening up to you, after you had been here for over a year. He garnered much attention from the Female Apes of the Colony, yourself included as shameful as that was to admit. But, you stood no chance at that, writing the feelings floating around in your stomach as nothing more than a fantasy, catching glances with Blue Eyes as you were still crouched, almost between his legs. “Y-You seem really good with him.” Clearing your throat, you rose and Blue Eyes took quite an exquisite note that your voice now seeme hush as Cornelius drug himself into another well deserved nap. “I’ve never seen one so… small before. The others,” Gesturing vaguely behind you as if Maurice had just brought the young Apes to you for Blue Eyes to look at, “They’re bigger, able to walk on their own and speak and I---”

Cornelius grunted quietly against Blue Eyes’ chest and your heart fell onto the floor out of intense crazed want to have one yourself despite knowing that realistically, it wasn’t going to happen in your life and you were more than okay with that, most of the time… Most… Blue Eyes was staring at you and caught your glance. Yes… You muttered in your mind and drew your lips in before popping them lightly as he was wondering where you were going with the conversation, apparent in the question that was written in his mouth. You were okay with not having one! It was probably for the best.

‘Are you?’

“A-Am I what?” Rubbing your hands on the front of your pants, you suddenly felt nervous and grasped a small bowl, now too eager to help Blue Eyes assemble something for Cornelia. 

‘Good… With… Young?’

“W-What?” Laughing, you shook your head at the bluntness of his question, not terribly out of character for at times, Blue Eyes did speak and ask what was on his mind, unaware of the social status that went into the more nuanced conversations. Why did he want to know this all of a sudden? You asked yourself and placed a handful of raspberries down, coating your fingers in a wash of red juices. Maybe he was recruited by Caesar to help you with the young and Maurice, to teach them. Yeah, you scoffed at your audacity. Like that was going to happen.

“A-Are you aski-- Asking me if I’m good with babies?” There was a verbal hint of self-deprecation as you were unable to stop yourself from sputtering. Blue Eyes only nodded, watching your shoulders move as you prepared a bowl for him, something he hadn’t asked you to do, but let you as he knew it to be a form of affection in some way. He did not understand it, but he wasn’t one to deny affection from you, whether that was receiving or more rarely giving. You looked over your shoulder at him and then down towards Cornelius who had his entire face smushed into Blue Eyes fur, so warm and so comforting you felt a pang of jealousy that you’d never be able to hold him in the same way as you shrugged your shoulders.

“I--- Don’t have much experience. Even be-before the Flu I wasn’t arou-around a lot of Human Babies,” The two Princes seemed so enthralled in your words as you spoke, hands coming to a slower stop, “Baby Apes are different, same in a lot of ways but..." You lingered your stare on Cornelius head which Blue Eyes reached up to lightly adjust him for comfort, earning himself a rather distasteful groan from the child. “Not the same.” ‘Never…’ Blue Eyes stopped when you looked forward again and dropped his hand. Turning around, you gave him a brief smile and held out the bowl you had prepared for him to take to his Mother. Then, Blue Eyes took his chance, a silent plea that maybe your answer would garner him some insight as to why he felt the urge to be with you that way, to take you and have a child, as fruitless as it was to actually happen in reality. ‘Never thought of having one?’

“I can’t think like that, Blue Eyes. You know that.” You were stern and handed him the bowl a bit more forcefully, almost out of defense. “I can’t. There--- You know….” Carefully, with his free hand, he took the wicker bowl from you and watched you shuffle your feet, shoulders rising and falling in minor regret for getting snappy at him, “I’m the only Human here, I don’t think---” 

Gesturing vaguely between your body and his own, you sighed in defeat and finally looked him square in the eyes, the Ape stiffening at the sudden connection and feeling the heart in his chest skipping a beat, “I think there was a reason the Flu killed so many of us… Me… Having more? Doesn’t… Doesn’t make sense no matter how much I’d like to have one.”

‘Never considered Ape?’ It was his turn to be a bit more forceful with you, not even sure if there was any logic in his signs. Apes and Humans never… Supplied a child, never had it come out to fruition, at least in vague notions that Blue Eyes imagined. It wasn’t talked about, and it certainly wasn’t discussed between a Human and an Ape. He scorned the inside of his mind for being so forward, taking it onto being too tired from taking care of both his brother and mother.

But, still the answer clung to the air around you as you contemplated an answer. There was a flat lie, a no. There was a flat truth, a yes. I’ve thought about it with you, Blue Eyes, you wanted to say and fall right into his arms with Cornelius. Love me and let me carry your offspring for the future of the Colony. Yeah, that was going to go well.

“Maybe.” You uttered quietly, settling into a state of unease at the fact that you had only given him half an answer, looking away towards an unfixed point in the distance before teetering back down to look at Cornelius. So small and soothed by Blue Eyes, so protected and wrapped in the muscles that would do anything to keep him safe. A smile split against your cheeks while you looked at him, well aware that Blue Eyes was waiting for a more sturdy answer. “I feel like I should be asking you that, more like it.”

Raising your eyebrows at Cornelius, Blue Eyes looked down at him and then back towards you at the implication you had just given him. Thankful that he was able to read that sort of stuff now as you had been subtly giving away your secrets of non-verbal, non-signing communication, Blue Eyes felt a flurry of panic hit the back of his mind.

He was… Not good at lying. Not good at deducing his own feelings for you which often left him stumbled just the moment he was in, but lying was a good second place. Your glances were captivating him to answer honestly. That… Yes… He had been thinking about it, thinking about it not with any of the Female Apes that he was oblivious to, their advancements not noticeable in the longer stream that you were able to give him. Yes, he thought about it with you and even admitting it inside of his mind caused Blue Eyes to dive into even more panic that was now evident in his eyes as you chuckled, nodding your head as you understood the same sentiment. “I was just joking.” You said quietly, moving your feet silently against the rocks, “Don’t need to worry about that now, huh? Not the right time.” You could say that again, Blue Eyes exhaled hard and nodded as you walked by him, placing a fleeting hand on his shoulder as you left him with one more statement, “Take those up to your Mom. I bet she’s hungry and Blue,” He flew at the tone you used with the nickname you had given him, the Ape careful but fast to turn around to catch you walking away from him, your legs, so long and sleek compared to his own, agile in where you stepped in case it was slick from the rain of the evening before. “Don’t worry about having your own. We’re young. We should enjoy it while we have it.” And in silence, leaving behind just a waft of your scent for him to bask in and leave him absolutely stunted in a haze, Blue Eyes watched you disappear behind the cliff side that escalated the Colony and kept it secure. Swallowing, the looked at the bowl and Cornelius before trailing behind you, slower as to let your words really seep into his soul, into his mind so he could analytically take them apart as he so often did in solitude. 

What… Did you mean by that? Enjoying it while we have it? What did you have? What did he have? What… Narrowing his eyes on you as you came back into view, going to pester Maurice by the look of your gait and your direction. Was that a Human expression? If it was, Blue Eyes hadn't heard that one yet and promptly added it to the ever growing dictionary you were giving him.There was only one more question to remain now. What was in store for the two of you to enjoy together?

Piano.

You were deathly quiet, Blue Eyes had a hard time figuring out your moods when you weren’t facing him, when you weren’t speaking and he was able to detect the small fluctuations of your tone, some so happy and joyous that he felt the same bubbling inside of him, some defensive and cold that would tear him down into pieces if you were to ever direct those words to himself, some distant and reminiscent, much like you were holding yourself in front of him shoulders laxed and your eyes ample, staring into the building in front of you. One that Blue Eyes had stumbled across, not sure what it was, not sure what the items inside were but they were interesting enough to garner him asking you to come with him, a bid to get you alone and a desperate plea for you to explain things to him that he did not understand.

The crunch of glass tore Blue Eyes away from the lack of conversation, albeit it was always quiet around the two of you and he felt his hands ghosting around your hips as you hiked your body upwards to squeeze through the doorway that was jammed with the crushed door itself and pattered onto the ground inside. Hands dropped slowly by his side, contemplating if… He should follow you. Or if he should just stand watch and let you enjoy things about the past that… Blue Eyes felt he would intrude. The wonderment that must have torn against your eyes seeing Humanity on display again, the intrigue you had as you scanned the items with your gaze and then with your hands and wiping away the years of neglect with a caress of tenderness, Blue Eyes wanting nothing more than you to do the same to him like he was a marvel himself but---

He looked down at what he was able to see of the silver scar against his chest, two years gone from that moment but the tear of agony you gave him upon seeing it, not even knowing him at that time, sent him flying into the abyss of thought that if you were able to feel empathy towards an Ape like him, there was the idea that you were able to feel more. Blue Eyes was just that. 

An Ape. And you… Human… There was no way, even in the fleeting moments when your hands had met and you were too flushed to tear them away, even in those silent moments when you laughed at something he had signed at you, hand grasping your chest like you were not able to breathe. Empathy was one thing but to feel something greater was out of the realm of his possibilities… He posed again though… Would you accept him if he followed you through?

 He thought quietly and heard you trifling around by the door where you had landed, very obviously waiting for him as you were one to never venture off on your own even if he gave you the permission, telling you that he was just a call away. He knew nothing of what was inside as he dropped onto all fours and crawled in himself, careful of the glass that was shattered and glimmered on the floor as the sun bounced off it. He knew nothing about what you knew, about what you were seeing… It was covered in dust, all the way down to the floor was the first thing that he noticed, a few streams of light coming in from the ceiling where pieces had worn and fallen to the ground below in a devastating form. Despite that, you urged your body forward looking at what was inside like it was treasure itself. “It’s a music store.” You spotted some cardboard cutout notes that were dangling by a thread against the northern wall, a few spattered words encased forever against the painted walls.

‘Music Sheets’ it read, sweeping over to the other legible writings ‘string and wind’. Blue Eyes stayed near the door, scooting himself inwards enough that he was able to perch himself on the ground without getting his back thighs covered with shards of broken glass and pieces of tiny metal from where the door had rusted and began falling apart. Music? Tilting his head, he bore holes into the back of your head. 

“I don’t know how to explain it,” You laughed and came rounding a few pieces of piano keys that were dancing their way across the ground in their monochromatic fashion. “You guys have drumming you know like…” Patting your hand rhythmically against your thigh, the reverb of the room was incredible and the sound captivated Blue Eyes’ ears. “That’s a sort of music. But other kinds of music… There’s a lot.” ‘Like?’ Blue Eyes signed for you, feverish in anticipation.

“Like…” You hummed a small tune under your breath, the tone throwing into the air and catapulting it towards the Ape. He--- Confused at that, he looked at your throat and then back at your mouth where the sound was scratching from. Humans were able to make vocal digressions like that?! Like Apes? Blue Eyes opened his mouth and hooted in response which garnered him a laugh from you. 

“Basically. You got the idea.” He felt praised and puffed his chest out a bit as you came to sit in front of a rectangular looking piece of… Wood. Carved, it appeared, matching the perch you were atop of. The keys themselves were not familiar to you, you had not been much of a player even though you were forced to take lessons as a child. You wondered, pressing your fingers to the dusty keys and feeling a sense of familiarity hit you as the creaking of the seat you were on played against the groaning of the piano pedal that you were moving downwards with your foot. 

That alarmed Blue Eyes, thinking the sound to be that of an animal and he was quickly there by your side in defense, chest rising and falling rapidly as his eyes looked around the room for the danger he had heard. “This is called a piano. That sound,” You raised your foot and it made it again, coming from the lower half of the object as Blue Eyes snarled at it slightly causing you to shake your head and turn your body towards him, “There’s pedals on the bottom that… Help it make music.”

‘Sounds awful.’ He grimaced at it and looked at you in curiosity, ‘Does not sound good, this…’ He stopped speaking when he realized he had no signed word for it. Not daring to speak the word out of fear of speaking it incorrectly, he just looked into your eyes a bit deeper and hoped you understood where he was going.

“That’s not the music. I said it helps.” You giggled lightly, your formed grin captivating him until a desolate note rang against his ear. Something… He’d never heard before. Something… Floaty… So far away from the placement it needed, so far away in melody that Blue Eyes felt something hit his chest at the sound as vibrations hit the bottom of his feet and he let out a small growl, not out of displeasure, but out of not knowing what you had just done when you pressed your finger against one of the white nearly gray now from years of non-use and dust that settled, prongs on the based shaft of the rectangle.

“That’s music. There’s these… Strings, thin like twine inside of it…” You raised a hand and pressed it against the cross body bag that he had chosen to carry with him, more for you in case you found some small items you wanted to take back to the Colony. Dragging the faded leather outwards, you let it sink back towards Blue Eyes’ body, leaving him feeling the hackles rise against his shoulder at the fact that you were so close to the scars on his chest. “It plucks to make a note--- To make… Music.”

He looked at the keys for a moment before choosing to look at you instead. ‘This… thing… The sound…’ The Prince was slow to sign to you not out of necessity anymore as you were getting better by the day with your ability to communicate that way, but out of torn confusion. One part of him understood the basic premise of what you were telling him but the other? Twine that plucked to make a sound? Sure, normal twine would do that if you held it and tightened it to its wits end, but this… Was different.

Resonant as he admired the way your fingers trickled across the white base and black underscores. He could see your fingertips imprinting more against the black as you twiddled two fingers against them. ‘Can I… try? Making…’ Your eyes fluttered towards his own at the sight of his question, lips parting in anticipation of him wanting to finish as the word appeared to be on the tip of both of your tongues. “Mu--- Music.” Crystal clear, beaming him a smile, you nodded and patted the bench next to you once you scooted, leaving the swipe of your thighs behind that was encased by Blue Eyes body as he sat next to you.

The bench creaked once more out of the desperation it needed to keep both of you situated, years leading to its demise but it still felt sturdy enough. “Just press any of them. If you press down here,” Your hand hovered the left side, “They’re going to make a really, really deep noise and if you play up here,” You moved and felt your arm sliding against Blue Eyes hands that he had ready in front of his body, causing him to feel heated and unsure of what he was actually doing. “They’re going to come out really… High pitched, like a bird.”

Blue irises slide from side to side, now unable to choose where he wanted to press, unable to decide if deeper was better or if higher was better. You hadn’t explained to him the middle that was almost aligned with your stomach, Blue Eyes staring at that section before he tore his gaze up your body. Unsureness was tendered in his stance as he stiffened up beside you, eager to get his hands away from his Human object and to move onto something less intimidating, something he was able to more heartedly understand.

“Here.” You whispered lightly, looking at the side of his face and letting your hand rest right on top of the back of his. “Spread… Your fingers out. Like you’re holding a branch.” Blue Eyes was still hesitant as he looked over at you, afraid even more now that your face was only a few inches away from his own and he was able to see in full sweep your entire face, from the entrancement of your eyes, to the heat that was falling off of you like waves, to the curt nod you gave him in reassurance.

Blue Eyes spread his fingers out for you, gasping to himself and holding his breath when you splayed your fingers on top of his. “Just…” You urged him downwards towards the piano key, “Like this…” They rested against them, so cold and unfamiliar to him. Smoothed. Unnaturally, there was no way that a rock gliding against another was able to garner such unforgiving sleekness. 

“It’s okay,” You whispered right into his ear, admiring how small your hand looked above his own as you pressed your pointer finger down on his own, “Just… Let yourself… Hold it…” Blue Eyes felt no other exhilaration at the moment as the note shot right through him like electricity. Straight to the very depths of his core, rattling him against you as he turned to look at you once more, seeking comfort and assurance that the was doing it correctly. “Just like that! That’s how you make music!”

The breath he had been holding was finally released as he tore his hand away from the keys, curling them into their regular ‘C’ shaped position. He--- Did not like that. This thing, this… Piano. But, the longer he looked at his impressed fingerprint against it, peering over at your hand that had been touching him, he could spare his ill-will towards it for just a second more as he signed, ‘Show me again… Another. Darker one.’

“Black key?”

He nodded eagerly, watching as you brought your hand towards his own once more, and without a word or without any explanation anymore, there was no need, you drew his fingers against your own, savoring in the sensation of his leathery skin against your more gentle and delicate palm and urged him down, as far down as he wanted to go, you thought and watched the side of his face intently. There was a scowl against his lips, still unsure and still uneasy about the moment. His eyes were flickering wildly between your cusped hands and your face.

You would lead him, always… You thought to yourself and smiled at him. As long as he lead you, his palm encased the white keys first as you tendered his fingers against the black keys near middle ‘C’, you would follow, and it appeared that it was the same way around as you urged him right into the shell of his ears, urging him to take your advice, to follow suit and to give it his best. “Press down, Blue. Play some music for me.”

[favroitecrime]

Mm except you quite literally said it’s fine for people with large platforms to not speak out.

Quite frankly I think we’re past the point of what the intention is. I’m pretty sure the people being mercilessly bombed are not about to start arguing that you shouldn’t speak out unless you actually care. Would some humanity, empathy, and compassion be nice? Sure! Would it be wonderful if people had minds of their own and were able to take proper steps to ensure the end of an occupation? Yes! But we’re living in a time where that’s, unfortunately, not the case for a lot of people so really I don’t think it fucking matters if someone’s out there asking for a ceasefire because they care or because a celebrity told them to.

Celebrities have access to millions of fucking followers they most certainly should be speaking out. I don’t care if you think that that’s people looking at it from a narrow or selfish or shallow perspective. People have the right to demand that those with influence and power, especially those who brag about having influence and power, speak up. Who cares what a fan wants to believe? If a celebrity is posting for a ceasefire and that gets their fans into it and also demanding ceasefires who the hell cares? You cannot possibly like someone like taylor swift and come to the conclusion that posting won’t do anything when some of you credit miss girl for crashing a voting website because of one post she made urging her fans to vote. Celebrities are dumb and useless but they’ve got fans who aren’t and fans who aren’t aware of everything so maybe, just maybe, if they put up a damn post that gets some people moving. Is it gross to only care about people this way? Yeah. Am I really gonna start fucking debating someone BEFORE we reach the proper goal? No. We can spare some time to confront people on their ethics after people stop being martyred.

And you liking one of said airheads who’s massively under fire for not speaking out AND still benefiting from a nation that’s committing said genocide has a lot to do with it. Someone who got voted as time’s person of the year undeservedly so is being criticized and you, as a fan, have made a post justifying why her silence doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Like I said, I’ve got mutuals who love her and still hold room to criticize her for her current actions (or lack of). You can be a fan and still realize that these “entertainers” can be stupid and crass and cruel and need to be called out on it. You’re too old to be telling someone to go to hell over taylor fucking swift btw.

every 6 months we have the "stop wanting celebrities' to speak out against social issues" talk. we all agree. and then 6 months later everyone's goldfish brain resets and we're back at square one.

[josnhoes]

I love the idea of Reader being in Tav's group but not Tav. Maybe it's your own personal Tav. Who recognizes you by feeling. Leading them to be very protective of you.

None of the group really understand why Tav their friend and leader is so protective of you at first. You're a weird little person driven mad by something speaking of worlds and things too impossible to exist. Lots of distrust at first.

Then you grow on them slowly. It starts with Gale and Wyll.

Gale adores hearing about your world, the marvels you describe. Even if you are crazy the ideas were amazing to hear like a story! He tells you stories of this world too, teaching you, guiding you to help fit in more. You're a bit odd but you are a good sort.

Wyll tries to ignore the crazy things you say though he catches himself at times using your odd slang from time to time. You're someone who needs protecting and despite being crazy you do your best to help the group, you also respect boundaries and have empathy in spades and he respects that. Crazy or not you were a pure soul, and he couldn't leave you to the wolves like some wanted.

Shadowheart, Halsin, and Karlach are the second group to get attached.

Shadowheart pities you more than anything. That didn't stop her from at first trying to insist they leave you with the druids. They didn't have time to handle you and get rid of the parasites. Tav shot that down firmly. Once she is attached she has to admit you were rather charming in your own way.

You end up needing healing more often then the others due to your lack of skills. But you never willingly let it slow the group down.

Halsin much like Tav from the start is insistent on teaching you how to survive. You maybe crazy but that doesn't erase the fact you are kind and a living being. Much like lessons with Gale you soak up what he teaches you. Usually it's what's safe to eat in the wild and not, what to do if you encounter certain animals. Things that would serve you well if you got separated from the group.

Once attached he's a bit more of a mother hen. Making sure you are warm at night and that you know he will keep you safe, himself and your other friends.

Karlach was always friendly with you, though there was a distance at first. You could never tell if it was she was scared of hurting you or you snapping in insanity. She didn't fear you she feared your judgment. You were nice and funny and being judge by the party's crazy one would hurt.

But once she adjust to you she is the best company. She wants to make you smile and after a while she believes you completely. She had no doubt of your origins. Which just makes her want to spend more time with you. She wanted memories cemented for both of you of your time together so no matter what happens both of you could look back fondly on the time together you shared.

Lae'zel and Astarion trust you last. And while it's Lae'zel who grows fond last Astarion gives her a good run for her money.

Astarion believes at first your whole thing is an act. Something you are using to get protection and such. He can't judge you for it, he's doing the same after all...but he can't resent how *well* you keep the act up. Not a single Crack or slip of your mask. It's impressive really.

When he finally let's you in he realizes it isn't and act and is horrified. His proof it wasn't an act was the time he finally tried to feed on you. You tasted vile, like things he'd never tasted before. You said preservatives and microplastics and he just had to believe you. He did laugh when you admitted at being a bit insulted you tasted bad but you didn't judge him. Hell out of everyone in camp you made him feel the most...himself. You respected his opinion even more the Tav did and you showed care with out smothering him or demanding things. It meant a lot to him but he'd never say it.

Lae'zel is insistent for a very very long time at just leaving you behind. There was no room for such weakness in the group. You were touched in the head and couldn't fight, you had no value to her and by extension the group. As more and more of the party start getting attached she gets disgusted.

You go to her to ask questions about her culture even after she insults you and threatens you. And eventually that makes her soften a little bit. You were weak but courageous she'd give you that. She will never outright be kind but she may answer questions with less bite. If she saves you on the battlefield... no she didn't.

[hinalatte]

(Not so)Quick thoughts on Episode 13

I have a lot of things to say about the new episode (about Levi especially) and a little Hu analysis I can write now that her secret is confirmed, but it’s very late! But I still want to talk about things! So here’s a random collection of stuff I thought was interesting.

Spoilers under the cut!

Eden was the one who took out Xander’s eye with a fork. It’s interesting that she’s the weakest member of the cast, but somehow managed to injure Xander, the strongest by far. He must’ve been really caught off guard.

It’s also interesting that the weapon is a fork. It must’ve been a spur of the moment decision, otherwise she would’ve had a better weapon. Her distraught expression also implies she wasn’t planning on hurting Xander.

In the opening scene of the show, someone (likely Xander) says he has to kill Teruko. He says he “didn’t expect her to attack him like that”, which we now know is referring to Eden. But he also says he made a mistake to trust “them”. So Eden was working with someone else. She might’ve betrayed Xander on Teruko’s behalf.

Also, this scene emphasizes that Xander’s goal was to end the killing game! A goal which he never saw through, but David is trying to carry that torch for him.

This one isn’t related to the new episode, but I found this and it made me feel things. Eden says almost the same thing to Teruko in chapter 1 that Arei says to Eden in chapter 2.

I’ve been trying since last week to figure out what David knew about Xander. Their interactions in chapter 1 provide no clues, as far as I can tell…David doesn’t act like he recognizes Xander at all, except in their “role models” scene where he has this line. They did investigate together at the start, so maybe something happened then? Or maybe David was just determined to not let Xander know he recognized him. Or maybe David didn’t care much about Xander Matthews as a public figure before he got to know Xander as a person, and only started considering Xander’s career important after the fact. Or maybe he genuinely didn’t recognize him because he didn’t mention his last name? But in the MV, he remembers what Xander looks like without his eye patch, so wouldn’t that mean David knew what he looked like?

When Teruko claims to have the family secret, he makes a face like “I caught you”. Why did he react like that if he already knew what her secret was…? Does David know from his prior knowledge of Xander that the family secret is his?

It’s possible Teruko genuinely believes the family secret is hers, since she blames her own bad luck for the things that happen to people around her.

Eden can’t fathom the idea of not caring about people. She’s so empathetic it almost seems like a weakness, so she doesn’t understand how someone could lack empathy completely. I love that dynamic…I hope they both live so I can see more of it.

Arturo has a strong reaction to this because he still remembers Felicity.

Also, Arturo being a voice of morality this episode was something I did not expect, but I’m here for it.

Ace is absolutely lying. He’s the most gullible person in the cast. He definitely thought Levi was being genuine.

He pushed Levi away over and over in chapter 2, but Levi kept bouncing back from it, insisting he wouldn’t hurt him. That probably made Ace feel comforted, in a way. Like there was one person who wouldn’t abandon him, even after enduring all of his awful behavior.

It’s interesting that he brings up the term “friends” here. Since when were they friends? Genuinely. A guy expressing concern for you does not a friendship make, Ace Markey.

He’s also taking Levi very out of context. Levi says he doesn’t care about anyone at all, because he’s literally incapable of it. Ace takes that as a personal attack. Levi doesn’t care about him, specifically, and that’s a betrayal somehow. Levi never meant to mislead him about that, but Ace thinks he was lying to him. (It’s made worse for him because now he knows no one in the cast likes him)

Ace projects a lot of things onto people in general. Mostly negative intent. But in this case, he might’ve been projecting the idea of a friendship that wasn’t really there. It makes sense to a degree. I was also fooled into thinking Levi cared about Ace, but not because they were friends. It was because Levi like helping everyone, including Ace. Ace seems incapable of understanding that sometimes people do stuff and it doesn’t really mean anything.

I say all that as an Ace Markey fan. He’s my favorite character. This critique is from a place of love. Boy, is there a lot to critique about him.

I’m interested now in seeing how his relationships develop after this. His most important dynamics (Levi and Nico) either don’t care about him at all or hate him so much they tried to kill him (unless there’s a plot twist on that front). Is he ever going to have a friend? Or a confidant of any kind? Not if he keeps acting like that, but it’s kind of a vicious cycle.

Also did his friend die? Why does he say “his memory”? Okay Ace. Is this why his sexuality was confirmed?

Last observation for the road. Whit called David “Starboy” in chapter 1, and now “Sir Light Pollution” in chapter 2, continuing the trend of star-themed David nicknames. It makes sense in his head. (Why does he know so much about hanging)

[a-student-out-of-time]

Episode 13 was...something

I have to be real with you all: I don't think I liked this episode very much. And no, it has nothing to do with my theory. This is a lot more serious than that. But hey, we're actually moving forward with the plot, and there's a lot to discuss about this episode

Let's cover the big things in detail, shall we?

Levi the Moral Sociopath

So let's get this out of the way: yeah, I was probably wrong here. I thought maybe Arei had talked to Levi about his secret and they reached a mutual understanding, and that turns out not to have been the case. In ways that NOBODY predicted.

See, we were all under the impression that Levi had moral reasons to kill and that's why he holds "no remorse." Turns out that interpretation was meant literally; as in, Levi doesn't experience remorse. Or compassion. Or empathy.

From the way he describes it, it sounds like Levi has Antisocial Personality Disorder or something similar, something that impedes his sense of empathy. See, there's two types of empathy to consider: Cognitive Empathy and Affective Empathy.

Cognitive is where you can interpret the emotions of another, while Affective is the ability to share in emotional experiences with others. Low cognitive empathy is what autistic peeps (such as myself) experience, while low affective empathy is what one would associate with sociopaths. They recognize emotions in others and mimic them accordingly, but they're not able to share or really understand them.

Levi...seems to be lacking in both. He has trouble interpreting emotions and he admits he doesn't really feel anything when it comes to the others; their deaths might as well be the deaths of complete strangers on the other side of the world. He murdered three strangers and his own father, yet he barely remembers them because he's moved on since then.

But Levi is not an evil person. Quite to the contrary, he still believes in doing good and helping people, even if he has no emotional attachment to doing so, because it guarantees him a better and easier life than continuously being a delinquent. He may not really be able to feel compassion for others, but he'll still try and help protect them. That's such a rare presentation of a character with low empathy, especially compared to the more common stereotype that they're all serial killers, and I just think that's really neat.

Way more interesting than him being the volatile, crazed murderer so many believed he was.

2. Hu, Veronika and Nico

So while it was largely skimmed over, here's what I did get right: Hu is the one who's attempted suicide three times and Ronnie has engaged in self-harm in the past. The latter didn't share because she decided it would be more interesting to hold onto it, and also because she considers suicide a boring motivation. Concerning.

And as it turns out, we finally discussed the murder method and they managed to draw an important conclusion: Nico's attempted murder of Ace and our current murder do indeed have a connection. That entire scene wasn't just there to happen, I'm still willing to believe that it was due to David's influence and that was the first attempt.

Because, again, the last people we saw with David before the attempted murder were Nico and Hu. And then Nico tries to kill Ace. And then Arei apparently dies in the same method.

Does that mean Nico is the culprit no? No, probably not. As I've said many times, we have to consider that rule that the Blackened doesn't have to be the murderer, they have to be the "most mastermind-y." Nico also really doesn't seem to have any motivations, at least at this point in time. Levi seemed like he did, but as he explained it, it became clear he had even less reasons to do so than we thought. Nico already has very few reasons themself.

This isn't us zeroing in on the culprit, just moving the story along. And boy did we REALLY need that. Now time for the part where Mod complains.

3. The Wheel-Spinning Is Becoming A Real Problem

Now, one thing I've praised DT for in the past is how well it handles foreshadowing. Small details always come back, no matter how seemingly innocuous. It really gives the impression that everything in the story matters in some respect, which is what good stories should do.

...But we've only just NOW started discussing the murder plot, and it took only a couple minutes to say what many of us have been saying: they used the carousel the hang the victim and snap their neck using the trash and the rafters. We're on Episode 13 of this chapter. It took us 5 episodes and 17 months to get here.

That's what's made this trial and this chapter in general so frustrating to me, because most of our time hasn't been spent on what's relevant to the situation at hand. Most of it has been spent on tangents about secrets, or just pointless nonsense and comedy hijinks. And I get it, this is DR, that's to be expected. But at this point? We should have more information than we do, because we only have a handful of episodes to work with and so many things left unexplained.

I harped on the smaller details because time was devoted to them, attention was drawn to them, and I refused to believe they're going to be totally irrelevant to this chapter. Now I worry they are and I have to wonder why time was spent on them this chapter and not the one(s) where they'll actually matter.

There were so many tangents this chapter and so much time spent on discussing them, I want to believe we're building to something for the climax.

"You mean your theory, right?" You may ask.

And I have to be honest, the theory is barely on my mind at this point. My concern isn't just the many, many tangents that don't seem to add anything, but the direction DT seems to be heading.

4. What even was that scene with Arei?

I have...so many questions about David's flashback.

To immediately dispel the obvious question, no, he's not lying here. If we're allowed to see it, that means it's what actually happened. What Arei said in that scene was what really went down. And I'm not really happy about that.

Now, I'll admit, I had a very negative initial reaction to that scene. Arei confronts David about his secret, and it turns out...she's relieved that it's true. My initial reading of that scene was that she was giving up on being a good person because David being a liar has proven it's pointless. She then goes on to say that Eden's probably done something terrible as well, so there's really no such thing as a good person, and it really felt like a cynical, mean-spirited undermining to everything that came before.

But revisiting it, that's not really what happened. TA and Poi pointed out how, no, what she really seems to be saying by "there's no such thing as a good person" is there's no one who's just naturally morally upstanding. And that it's okay, because it means she's not too far gone.

What came off as her giving up really seems to be more of her deciding not to live by some arbitrary standard about who isn't and isn't a good person, because everyone's probably done something they really regret. Her saying Eden's probably done something terrible isn't dismissing all her good efforts, since she still considers her a friend. It's her accepting that labels like "good person" are meaningless, and that it shouldn't stop you from trying to be better.

And she extends a hand to David, hoping that maybe both of them can be better in the future.

And David...doesn't share a word of this with anyone, especially not Eden. That means that scene only exists for the audience's benefit. We're meant to consider what she said for whatever reason, and while my initial interpretation wasn't wrong, I do have concerns about that.

First of all, while this could still work with my theory, this is probably the biggest factor that changes things. At this point, I'm willing to accept there's an 80% chance I'm wrong. The problem is, theory or not, I worry what exactly showing us that scene is meant to suggest. Why did we as the audience need to see it for dramatic irony purposes?

There are only three interpretations that really come to mind, and I have to say, I'm not fond of two of them:

My theory is correct and this is all part of Arei's 4000 IQ play.

My theory is wrong and that scene only exists to twist the knife for our sake, especially if David is the Blackened.

My theory is wrong, David is the rival, and that scene exists to facilitate his future character development.

And that last one is fridging. Like, it's blatant fridging, where a (frankly more interesting) female character dies in order to spur development in a dude. I'm going to be genuinely pissed if that happens, because it renders her entire character arc this chapter pointless and ends it in such poor taste. It's also a very dumb course of action because why would you ever say all this to someone you know is a MANIPULATOR WHO TAKES ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE?!

The second one is just poor writing, where it's only there to hurt the audience a little bit more. It's unnecessary and ends things on such a pointlessly bittersweet note. But I'll take that over option 3, because I genuinely don't give a shit about David and I really don't want Arei's death only happen to focus on him more. He doesn't want to change, he believes it's better to sacrifice everyone's lives for some cause he refuses to disclose.

And at this point, I'm pretty sure I'm wrong. Whatever, I expected to be wrong anyway, but that's hardly my biggest concern.

My biggest concern is that DT is resorting to genuinely bad writing decisions and it's going to have a lasting negative effect on the story. I don't understand what other interpretations there could be with that scene, and I really don't like the possibilities we do have. Everything I point to as a basis for my theory could end up being completely pointless to the story, and I have to ask what the point was.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm reading all this in bad faith and something else will happen, and we'll spend the remaining episodes discussing everything I've brought up in detail. I've been burned a lot by stories I've enjoyed going in very poor directions and characters I got invested in bore the brunt of it. Regardless of my theory being true or not, I don't want the same to happen to DT.

And I can see reasons why I may be wrong here: David only really gives a damn about Xander, for instance, and we've yet to really discuss the hows and whys of the murder. And I still wonder why J has been getting so much focus when she was barely in Daily Life.

Overall, while I got really negative here, I hope next proves me wrong and things head in a new direction.

[bvidzsoo]

Panic Switch

 Author: bvidzsoo

 Warnings: light swearing here and there, awful parenting, the use of ‘sociopath’

 Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x female reader

 Word count: 13,647

 Summary:  You descend from a famous and ancient bloodline of empaths. Since the moment you were born, your mother knew you were different than them and that you would wreak havoc. And she was right in a sense. You didn’t feel emotions like others and, thus, your judgement wasn’t always the best. You grew up being called a freak by your own family, who were afraid of you and kept their distance, never showering you with love. And then, at the age of eight, you met Xavier, who was different, considered a freak too by humans...he seemed to be a little bit like you. This quickly lead to a long lasting friendship, but was it always genuine? Or would Nevermore change everything for the two of you? Were you ready to unveil your secrets to Xavier and those around you? 

 A/N:  Ohmygod! It feels amazing to be inspired again and to be able to write. Thank you Xavier Thorpe for your existence, you brought back the artist in me, hahaha. Share your thoughts with me, I love feedback, don’t be shy! I use the term ‘sociopath’ a lot and despite doing research, I might have gotten it a tiny bit wrong. But...don’t take my head off for that, this is a work of fiction after all. I might be a little bit crusty, it’s been a while since I wrote, but damn, does it feel good! I hope you enjoy this little story! Happy reading!

                        Nevermore Academy, a place for all the misfits, or what I like to call ourselves, freaks. This school is the only place where I don’t feel out of place or left out of things. Why would I say that? Because even to my family, I am a freak. I’m different than them, and they are scared of me. I am the black sheep of the family; somebody they refuse to speak of if asked. I’m half convinced I was sent to this academy because my parents feared what I would do at a regular school. After all, following my mother, I am the first one to attend Nevermore. I have four siblings, and all of them go to regular, normal, schools in our hometown. Our abilities aren’t something obvious as we aren’t prone to kill or turn into nightmarish monsters, so, we were deemed safe to society. Well…everyone, but me. We are, what one could call, an empath. Our abilities consist of recognizing others emotions and controlling them to a certain extent. When I talk about my family, they can only feel one’s emotions when they touch them and they can only induce calmness or happiness; their manipulating techniques are restricted. But when it comes to me…imagine it like this: there are mind readers, whom are able to constantly read one’s mind, and then there I am. I am able to constantly feel the emotions of those around me. I don’t have to touch them; all I have to do is be in their vicinity and connect to their frequency. If I’m accustomed to said person, it just comes naturally to me, without having to do anything. So that means: we intersect ways twice and from then on, I’ll always know what you’re feeling. And when it comes to manipulating one’s emotions, I can induce whatever feeling I’d like to. I’m not restricted like the rest of my family is, another thing which freaks them out. Over many generations, there hasn’t been someone like me in the family. And I truly think they would’ve accepted me the way I am, if I wasn’t a sociopath. Now, that is the part which freaks them out the most. The lack of emotions I experience and the lack of empathy I feel for others, which is quite ironic, isn’t it? And to top my day, it’s Parent’s Day. The day when our families come and visit us at Nevermore.

Everyone around me was feeling excited, the emotion so intense it was almost making me nauseous. Well, everyone except Xavier, who was feeling quite miserable and yearning, as he looked at Ajax and his family, who were hugging him and talking to him animatedly. Xavier’s father wasn’t coming this year either, and as much as Xavier would say he didn’t care, you didn’t have to be an empath to see how much his absence affected him. This boy almost always felt miserable and perhaps that is why I liked to stay around him, it wasn’t a cheesy feeling and it gave me comfort. Anything negative felt better than something very positive; if my parents were to hear that, they’d probably faint on the spot, especially my mother. I glanced at Xavier, who was leaning his weight on one leg than the other one, and sighed.

“Stop fidgeting,” I snapped at him, and gripped his arm as his hands were shoved into his pockets, “You’re making me nervous.” A lie, I can’t feel anything like it.

“Sorry,” Xavier cleared his throat as his deep forest green eyes found mine, “It just makes me anxious…seeing everyone’s families. My dad said he’d come, but…I don’t know, Y/N.”

“He probably won’t come.” I deadpanned and I felt disappointment seep through Xavier, truth was always better than lying. And I knew he hated people who lied to him, especially me. Someone who he considered a friend. Still holding his arm, I offered him a smile; one which was robotic, I had learned it a long time ago, and took a lot of time to perfect it so that it would look genuine; I felt a shockwave run through my body. I always felt that when I used my abilities, and as Xavier and I gazed into each other’s eyes, I felt him slowly calming down, my power influencing him. And what was fun in it all, was that they never knew when I used my powers on them. They always thought it was them doing it, but it was always me.

“No use wasting energy on him, right?” Xavier’s smile was half assed, until I felt a strong wave of happiness wash through him. I didn’t need to see the cause of it, I was used to my family’s auras and the feel of their emotions. Xavier saw them, that’s why he got so happy suddenly. I released my grip on his arm and turned my head forward, sighing quietly to myself. My parents were smiling sweetly at everyone who greeted them, they were quite famous therapists, and my siblings, who were walking after them very disciplined, were greeting people politely. One would say my family looked very fake at that moment, but they were actually genuine. They were always happy for the people around them and it was sickening. To me at least.

“Eliza!” Xavier exclaimed as he ran up to my mother and father, who were like his parents as well; we grew up together, “Brad!”

Mom and dad engulfed Xavier into a hug and greeted him with huge smiles, asking him how he was. Sighing again, loudly, I slowly approached them, plastering my generic smile onto my lips.

“Hello,” I spoke up, earning my family’s attention, “and welcome. How was your trip?”

My father smiled at me and was the first one to pull me into a hug, he genuinely missed me. However, my mother kept her distance and plastered on the fakest smile I’ve ever seen. She wasn’t feeling disgust at the sight of me, just…disappointment, how lovely. Not that it was anything new to me.

“Long and tiring, but we got here in time.” It was my mother who answered me and my siblings stepped forward, to greet me. Kevin, the eldest of us, rarely spoke to me. For some reason, he was the most afraid of me and his cowardly amused me. Gemma, who was considered the middle child despite me being it, and was always on her phone, greeted me with a nod and then looked away, far more interested in the academy than me. She was jealous that I got to go here, while she had to go to that mundane, boring, high school. Alec, the youngest of us, ran up to me and tackled me in a hug. The top of his head barely reached my abdomen, he was still growing. Since the moment of his birth he seemed to love me the most. My parents feared he’d turn out to be another sociopath, but I knew he wouldn’t. What they didn’t know, was that he was the most empathetic out of them all, and that he felt pity towards me for the treatment I got from the rest of the family. Oh, and he kind of happened to really love me, for some unknown reason to me. Jason, who was just a year older than me, looked at me with a smug expression and chuckled. But deep inside he was just as scared as the rest of my family, and the funniest thing was, that he could never hide it from me.

“What a freaky place—” He sniffed loudly and glanced at Xavier, Jason never liked him, “Perfect for freaks like you.”

For an empath, Jason was an asshole. Xavier went to say something, but my mother quickly reprimanded Jason, only because he dared to insult Xavier as well. Her precious little boy, I know she secretly wished to have him as her son. She would’ve given me away at any time while I was growing up.

“Careful, Jason,” I let a wide, psychotic, smile spread onto my lips, “We might just devour you in a dark corner.”

Alec, despite the morbidity of my words started giggling, and my mother’s glare could’ve killed me on the spot. My father just sighed and with his eyes asked me to stop the attitude or a fight would follow, and mom would hate that. She hated her perfect little image tainted. Everything had to be perfect, and maybe that’s why she disliked me so much.

“Why don’t you show us around, sweetheart?” My father’s smile was kind as he gripped Jason’s shoulder and pulled him into his side, giving his shoulder a subtle squeeze. My mother went and crossed her arm with Xavier’s, not waiting for me as she started walking ahead of us. I rolled my eyes and held Alec’s hand as he quietly asked me to do so.

“I’ll stay here, my legs will later hurt if I walk around too much.” Gemma whined and before anyone could answer her, she took off towards a bench. Nobody minded her, she was always allowed to do whatever, spoiled brat. Fear was oozing out of Kevin and I let my eyes fall on him as the others took off, leaving us behind. Despite my dad asking me to show them around, my mother decided she’d do it herself. Not that I was surprised.

“Kevin, please” I sighed as my nose scrunched up when he jumped at the sound of my voice, “if you’re so scared, just go sit in the car or something.”

“Mom asked me not to make a scene.” He said while he scratched the back of his neck, “You know how she gets—”

“When things don’t go her way?” I scoffed and looked down at Alec, who giggled again, this little one loved to cause mischief and I might prefer him more over the rest of my siblings, “Go sit in the car, I’ll tell them you weren’t feeling well.”

A huge sigh of relief left Kevin’s lips and he showed me a small smile, suddenly his emotions changed and he was feeling grateful but incredulous at the same time, “Thank you, really, Y/N!”

For someone who was twenty-five years old, he really should’ve stopped fearing our mother a long time ago, “I’m not doing this out of kindness, I just hate the wrenched smell of the fear you’re oozing. It stinks, Kevin.”

Once these words, which some would consider harsh and hurtful just like Kevin, left my lips, disappointment seeped through him and he just turned around and walked off, sulking. I rolled my eyes before Alec and I started walking, trying to catch up with the rest of our family and Xavier.

I felt a light tug on my hand and I looked down at my little brother again, “You can actually smell the emotions we feel?!”

His exclamation and amazement amused me, I chuckled, but before I could answer him, he had more to ask, “What does my amazement smell like?!”

I acted as if I was thinking of it and just to amuse myself more, I sniffed the air around him, “Cotton candy.”

Alec’s mouth fell open and his amazement was replaced with excitement, “That’s so cool! I wish I could be like you, sis!”

Cotton candy was his favorite. And no, you don’t wish to be like me. I hummed as we finally spotted our family, who were just entering Ophelia Hall. I wish I was ready to spend the whole day with them, to feel like a freak once again. I hated acting nice, because it was fake, but around them I had no other choice. Unless I wanted mother to have a fit, which was always quite amusing. But not today, I promised dad I’d behave and show them the school had a good effect on me. Maybe it’s better if they don’t know about the attacks happening to students, I wouldn’t want to be taken to a normal school, Wednesday’s stories of them sounded horrible. I wouldn’t survive a day there.

            My parents knew from the very moment I was born that there was something wrong with me. As a baby, I would rarely laugh when they’d play with me and I would often enjoy hitting Jason, who was an easy target. Whenever Kevin was asked to watch us, I'd somehow lock him up somewhere, so he couldn’t see us and I’d take Jason’s toys away and either throw them at him or hit him with them. But really, these signs could’ve meant that I was just an evil kid and I’d behave better as I grew, but whenever my mother touched me, she felt nothing. I would stare at her blankly and when I’d feel the horror of the thought of her daughter being an abomination, a smile would spread onto my lips. After a while she just stopped touching me, too afraid of my emotions. Or lack of them. It was quite pathetic, really, how a mother was afraid of their own child. A little child, nonetheless. I was harmless, unless you’re asking Kevin and Jason. My father would try and calm my mother by saying that I would develop later and that maybe I was just masking my feelings to annoy them, but the desperation in him each time he’d grip my arm or shoulder to feel the emotions coursing through me, said otherwise. I was a lost cause in their eyes. I think the final straw for my mother was when I had turned five and they attempted to teach me how to control my powers and how to manipulate others, and I just told them that I already knew how to do all of that. The feeling of dread oozing from my mother surprised me, that’s why I still remember it, and it was then when I realized she saw me as a freak. Something she’d hate her whole life. My father gripped her arm and attempted to calm her down, but my mother realized what he was trying to do and started screaming at him that whatever I was, was dangerous to the people around me and that I was a monster. They couldn’t control me and that scared her.

“Daddy is shocked,” I remember I said with a little smile, “but you, mommy, you are scared. Horrified. Disgusted. Do you not like me?”

My mother’s lips quivered as I tauntingly pouted at her, she was on the verge of crying, “I thought you were supposed to love me. Like you love Kevin and Jason.”

“I can not love a monster like you—” My father gasped and his shock quickly turned into anger as his head snapped towards his wife.

“Eliza!” He exclaimed and looked at her with an expression telling her she shouldn’t have said that, “How can you say that?!”

“Look at her, Brad! Does she seem normal to you?!” My mother’s voice was raising and I continued to listen to them quietly, blinking from time to time. Disgust mixed with betrayal was what my mother was feeling and my father was just shocked, angry and disappointed.

“At least keep your thoughts to yourself, she’s just a child!” My father hissed at mom as he gave me a side glance and mom just shook her head in defiance. Before a big fight could erupt, I spoke up as if I was clueless.

“Mom doesn’t have to speak; I feel whatever she’s feeling. And they are never very nice, especially right now.” I said quietly and my parents looked at me both sharply, questioningly.

“I don’t have to touch people to feel emotions, like you all. I can just simply feel them, all the time.” I continued talking and shrugged. They remained quiet and I walked up to them, looking up with no expression on my face. My emotions were always simple, what I felt inside, was calmness. Numbness or nothing. That was my usual state of mind. When triggered enough, I would get angry or irritated, or some other negative feelings, but other than that, I was just…calm. When Alec was agitated as a toddler, he’d always come up to me and hold my hand. When he learned how to speak, he’d always tell me I felt so peaceful, like nobody else.

“What—what is happening?!” My mother stammered as I let them feel whatever I was feeling, numbness.

“This is what it feels like if you’re me,” I chimed up with a fake smile, I didn’t know if it was a moment asking for a smile or not, “and I can make you feel whatever I’d like you to feel.”

I barely finished talking, when my mother turned around and stormed out of the room, taking her horrendous emotions with her. My father sighed and asked me to stop channeling my emotions onto him. He took my hand next and walked me to my room and put me to sleep, reading a fairytale about some princess who got saved from a big monster by a blonde prince, who liked to draw in his spare time. The whole time he held my hand, despite being just five, I knew what he was doing. He wanted to see the roller-coaster of emotions any kid my age would feel during a story like that, and got nothing in exchange.

A few years went by and my relationship only worsened with my mom. She barely spoke to me and started running some harmless tests on me. Kevin was getting more and more scared of me, to the point where he’d start crying if I looked at him for a little too long. Jason would avoid being around me and would call me all kinds of disgusting names. It wasn’t like all of that bothered me, but I knew a decent human being shouldn’t have treated one of its own like that. It was basic knowledge. I was eight when one day dad walked into my room and told me to get dressed because we were going hiking. I wasn’t a big fan of long walks in nature; but nature, which felt just as neutral as I, was always a blessing. Living in a household where everyone’s emotions ran high was exhausting; and Gemma was only four years old, her emotions combined with mother’s would give me migraines on some days. So, after getting dressed, dad and I took off and walked for about an hour. He knew there were some animal attacks in the area, but we were safe. Father’s special power was creating a protective shield around him and whatever else he wanted to, his family lineage was a mix of mind controllers and empaths, they inherited some pretty cool abilities. Apparently, only Alec and I inherited the mind control abilities, but I decided to keep mine a secret, I knew mom would’ve had a heart attack if I were to tell them about that too. Alec could control one’s body to his liking, meanwhile I had the basic ability of moving things with my mind, but only if I concentrated hard enough on them. My father was a hunter as well, he’d seen many gruesome things in his life, yet he’d always feel so awful when he saw a dead animal. During one of his trips, he discovered an animal sliced in two and he knew it must’ve been the werewolves from the outskirts of the town. He wasn’t a big fan of said pack, but as long as they stayed away from my father’s hunting territory he remained civil with them. I was enjoying our walk as I ran up a smaller hill, but soon came to a halt. A lamb was torn in two and flies and other insects were devouring it. I felt my father’s disgust and sadness before I felt his hand on my shoulder, and he sighed. It was hard looking away from the scene. It was nothing like I had seen before. Murder was such a fascinating thing. I was snapped out of my thoughts as my father turned me around and we started walking back as he asked me to hold his hand. My mind was still on the dead animal I had seen, curious as to what happened to it, and how. Whatever killed it, was ruthless.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, sweetheart, it was terrifying and disgusting.” My dad said and I could feel he was sorry. I shrugged and looked up at him with big eyes.

“It’s fine, this is how nature works, right? Kill or get killed.”

My father chuckled, but I felt him shudder. For some reason, he was really calm and that was unlike him, “It feels inadequate to hear something like that coming from an eight-year-old girl.”

I shrugged and followed him wordlessly.

“Aren’t you scared? That we could end up like that too?” My father asked and I took a second to think before I shook my head.

“No, because daddy can protect us with his shield, can’t you?” I grinned at him, finding his power quite fascinating. He could’ve used that to his advantage in so many cases.

“Of course I can, and I would at any given moment,” He cleared his throat and I felt him looking at me, “Can daddy ask you a few questions?”

“Sure!”

“When was the last time you got angry or mad?”

“I don’t know.” My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to remember, but couldn’t.

“What about feeling sad? Your grandma died just a month ago, it was really hard on all of us.” He was right, it impacted the family harshly. Well, not me, but to them it was awful. And thus, indirectly to me as well, because they made me feel miserable with their awful feelings.

“I know, all of you were grieving and hurting, it was really bad.” I grimaced thinking back, even though sometimes they’d still feel quite depressed, “It was very overwhelming to be around you, your emotions were making me feel awful. It was very bothersome.”

“You didn’t share our emotions?”

“Other than the headaches mom would get, no.” I muttered and ducked down as we passed by a tree which’ branch was hanging really low. My father hummed as we were nearing the road.

“And happy? When did you feel happy?”

“I can’t remember.” My answer was quick and honest.

“What about love?” Suddenly the calmness disappeared and hope washed over my father, as I looked up at him. What was he hoping for? That his little daughter was suddenly cured after a walk in the woods? After seeing a poor animal sliced in two? I didn’t care. I felt nothing. It didn’t impress me or left me with trauma.

“I don’t know what love is or feels like. I physically can not feel it or experience it. Every human being has a different definition for love and they all feel it differently, so I don’t have an exact answer for you.”

My father’s eyes got a bit teary as the hope he felt was shattered by my words, “You don’t know what it feels like to love.”

“I don’t, and I never will, because I’m a monster.” Maybe it wasn’t the right time to smile, but I did as I looked at my father. And he felt disappointed, not at me, but at himself. But at least now he was convinced of what I was. An empath with no emotions of its own.

“I will teach you everything you need to know to live a seemingly normal life between humans, alright?” There was a newfound spark in my father’s eyes, so I just nodded. And quite ironically, I met Xavier Thorpe the next day as his father came to visit my parents. It was funny, how Xavier met the me, who didn’t know how to mask its true self, yet he seemed to forget the real me as we grew older and older. Maybe it was because I was a genuinely good actress. My father kept his words and taught me everything I needed to know about feelings, emotions, and how to act around people. He helped me asses a situation and react accordingly to it. He taught me how to comfort a suffering person and how to make others laugh with stupid jokes. He taught me how to have a genuine smile and what being kind and sweet to others meant. He taught me when to be sad or even mad, and what to tolerate from others and what not to. I became an excellent body language reader and knowing what people felt around me, it just turned me into a master manipulator. It was funny how everyone who didn’t know the real me loved me and wished to be around me, yet all my family wished to do was run as far away as possible if they happened to come near me. 

            The day was turning out to be horrible. So much happiness caused an almost unbearable headache. I was feeling quite moody and my family was just making it worse, especially my mother. At some point I stopped paying attention to her and would’ve been grateful to Alec, if I were able to feel that, when he kept asking questions about the academy and whatever he found cool or creepy. The statues were his favorite and he told me he would come to this academy too once he grew up, it was a secret, but he actually disliked normal schools. Too much normality for such a curious and mischievous boy like him.

Currently, it was lunch time and we were sat at a table in the courtyard, supposed to have some pleasant conversations. We were sat close to Ajax and his family and it was quite hard not to overhear his mother, who was loudly praising Ajax and his cousins for their achievements. It was funny, how I was a top-grade student, yet my mother uttered not even one word of congratulations or acknowledgement of them. Oh, but Xavier, fear not, was placed on a pedestal. He was sitting right across from me, next to my mother, of course, meanwhile I was sitting between Alec and Jason. Gemma, who was sat next to Xavier, would bat her eyelashes at him in a sensual way, and I’m pretty sure that subtle emotion I was almost feeling could’ve been called disgust, it did look disgusting and it was hard to watch. Dad sat at the head of the table and Kevin on the other side of the table as he tried to make himself small, jumping at the stupidest of sounds. He was terrified and I seriously couldn’t understand why, but it was getting so bad, that as I bit into the crispy chicken wing, I decided to put him out of his misery. He visibly loosened up as a strong wave of calmness washed over him, meanwhile my skin tingled. Alec accidentally touched my wrist and a huge grin erupted onto his face. Mother noticed and her eyebrows furrowed as I sent him a wink, she was suddenly feeling worried. Probably because she thought I was trying to corrupt her youngest.

“Alec, you shouldn’t sit so close to Y/N.” Mother’s attention was suddenly on the two of us, I closed my eyes for a second, ready for whatever was about to come. Today I was easy to irritate and I could feel my heartbeat quicken, “How many times have I reminded you to stay away from her?!”

Alec placed his fork down loudly, and pouted at mom, “Does it matter? She doesn’t even have to touch us to use her powers. I think it’s whatever how close I sit to her.”

Savage Alec was always satisfying to hear and my eyes almost widened when I felt the satisfaction oozing from my father as he subtly looked at Alec with a proud, little, grin. Sometimes I was sure even dad was fed up with mom, and rightfully so.

“Don’t talk back to me, young man.” Mom snapped as she reached forward to put some more salad onto her plate. I felt something push at my leg from underneath the table and I slowly looked up at Xavier, knowing very well it was him. Out in the sunlight, I noticed the dark bags underneath his eyes. It made his complex look even more hollow. He probably wasn’t sleeping well due to the nightmares. I raised my eyebrow at him and he motioned towards the orange juice which was closest to me. Ah, he was just thirsty. He was awfully quiet ever since we sat down to have lunch and it was because he was feeling uncomfortable and guilty. My mother kept praising him for his good grades and exceptional behavior. Then started blabbering on about his father and how they met up last weekend for a barbeque and it was then when I felt a spark of anger. How could she sit there and talk about seeing his father, when he promised he’d come and visit Xavier today, just to bail out on him. It made Xavier feel horrible and the instant hurt that washed over him, knocked me breathless. Everyone looked at me weirdly when I managed to take a deep breath and it made me realize I was hyper-fixating on Xavier’s emotions so that I wouldn’t feel my family’s, which made me experience whatever he was feeling a lot more intensely. So I stopped doing that and everyone else’s emotions hit me like a roller-coaster, making my ears ring for a second. The warm hand on my wrist and the sudden calmness which washed over me made me smirk as Alec looked at me with innocent eyes.

“You felt troubled so suddenly,” He whispered to me as he pretended to reach for a napkin, “Sorry.”

I hummed and offered him a tiny smile as Xavier handed Alec the napkin. He took it with a huge grin and Xavier chuckled, looking at me again. I raised my eyebrows at him and before he could speak up, mother opened her mouth, again.

“The Poe Cup is coming up, isn’t it?” She sounded excited.

“Yes, in about a week.” She looked at me displeased that I didn’t let her precious Xavier answer her. I smirked at her and her jaw tightened as anger flared in her. She quickly averted her attention back onto Xavier and I heard Jason scoff next to me. Oh, how much he hated Xavier, it was quite hilarious. A freak like him stealing the spotlight from attention hungry Jason, who was desperately trying to get mother’s validation? Such a tragic story. One I can only laugh at.

“And what’s that?” Gemma spoke up sounding very bored, which she actually was. But as Xavier cleared his throat, she sat up straighter and her smile got sweeter. Oh, God, there was that feeling again. Fluster and happiness that Xavier’s attention was on her once again.

“It’s a game,” Xavier’s smooth voice explained and I smiled softly, I liked listening to his voice, it often brought even more calmness to my already numb state of being, “Where we race each other on water, in boats. There are no rules and the winner gets the cup and brings it to their Hall. Bianca has been on a winning streak for a few years now, it gets quite frustrating.”

“What is Bianca?” Alec perked up curiously.

“A siren.” I answered him and he nodded eagerly, “Which makes it really easy to cheat, they are in their natural habitat.”

“How can you cheat when there are no rules, sis?” Jason asked mockingly. My family was becoming more and more irritating, isn’t it just fantastic?

“It’s about having common sense, Jason. Just because there are no rules, you shouldn’t knock your adversary out.” Xavier snapped at my brother, the two now glaring at each other. Oh, their hatred was mutual.

“If I were to play, I’d knock your head off without resentment.” Jason snickered and my grip tightened on my glass of water. I didn’t like it when he disrespected Xavier. Xavier’s jaw clenched and he masked his anger with a quiet laugh as he looked at Jason with a sudden smirk.

“I bet you wouldn’t last a minute; you’d probably get knocked out while paddling.” I snickered and shared an amused look with Xavier as my brother’s hands turned into fists. You didn’t have to be an empath to feel the anger radiating off him. Now, that eased my irritation a bit, it was quite amusing.

“I’m afraid he wouldn’t be able to even sit in the boat—”

“Now that is enough!” My mother snapped, giving me a harsh glare. She gripped Xavier’s shoulder and sent a wave of calmness over him, pissing me off. I think my limits were tested today, and now I was actually mad at them. Why wouldn’t she let Xavier feel whatever he was feeling? Let him be angry and smug, did he hurt someone with that? No. I looked into my mother’s eyes as I allowed my powers to give back Xavier’s initial feelings, body tingling, as my mother gasped. Her hand flew off Xavier’s body and his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at my mother, realizing she was trying to influence him into feeling calm. The hatred my mother felt towards me would’ve made everyone else cry, but I couldn’t care less.

“Stop controlling everyone around you, mother.” I snapped, voice harsh and mask slipping for a second as I felt that terror wash over Kevin again. The calmness I induced in him didn’t last for long, I guess, “People were made to feel. So let them feel. Xavier’s feelings were justified, Jason is an asshole and we all know it. Maybe next time you should educate him better.”

“Your attitude is disgusting—”

“And questionable. Only freaks act like that.” My voice was raising, she didn’t want to cause a scene? Fear not, mother, I’ll cause a scene for you. “You should come up with something more original, something I haven’t heard before.”

My father was feeling uncomfortable and Xavier’s anger was amplified. Maybe now is the moment I tell you how much he dislikes my mother. I wasn’t the only good actress from this table, his acting skills are quite spectacular.

“This school was supposed to make you normal.” My mother snapped and my father’s head snapped into her direction.

“Eliza.” He warned, his voice deep as he glanced at me.

“I am normal in this school.” I fired back at mom, uncaring about the desperation in my father, asking me to stop adding fuel to the fire.

“Normal!” Mom exclaimed sarcastically, and her eyes fell on a short, dark-haired girl with two braids, pale skin and blank expression, as she just passed by our table. Our eyes met for a second and we nodded at each other in a silent greeting, but it was Xavier’s emotions which irritated me more. He was head over heels for Wednesday, it was quite sickening. The way he’d perk up around her and the instant happiness he’d feel at the sight of her. His quick heartbeat would make him blush sometimes and he’d even stammer. The most disturbing thing was the dreamy look in his eyes whenever he spoke about her, it was horrible, really.

“Look at that freak. You’re just like her, if she’s not worst.” Well, she shouldn’t have brought Wednesday into this. One, I enjoyed her personality. Two, she was nothing like me. Getting compared to her felt like an insult, or at least I imagined that’s what it is, since the sudden burst of anger in me made me stand up. I slammed my hands on the table, the loud sound made Ajax and his family look at us, as many other people.

My voice was low and menacing as I glared into my mother’s dark brown eyes. Terror overtook her body and I took the chance and amplified it, making her shake. Her lips were trembling and my father’s mouth fell open in shock as he stood up as well, thinking whether to approach me or not.

“She’s nothing like me, mother. Her feelings are the strongest I’ve ever come across. Don’t compare her to a ruthless monster like me.” Xavier was on his feet now too and he didn’t hesitate like my father did in approaching me, he was by my side in a second. He didn’t touch me, he just made sure to stay incredibly close. Kevin and Jason’s fear was fueling my rage and making me channel them more onto my mother, who had tears running down her cheeks now. Gemma was scared too, but she masked it well as she tried focusing on anything else but us. And Alec, he just watched without feeling much. He was actually happy that I was standing up for myself.

“St—stop!” Mom managed to whine out between clattering teeth and I started laughing, jumping a little when Xavier finally touched me. His hand came in contact gently with my cheek and he turned me away from my mother, his forest green eyes gazing deeply into mine. His calmness actually shocked me. My eyebrows furrowed as we looked at each other. How could he remain so calm in such situation? When he saw my mask slipping? Unknowingly seeing the real me?

“Y/N, please, stop it.” It was my father pleading with me, “I don’t want to force anything on you, so stop it right now.”

“You should teach her how to behave too, father.” There was spite in my voice as I looked at my mom disgusted before tearing away from Xavier and storming off. Enid, who was the purest person I got to know, jumped up from her seat when I stormed past her and wanted to take off after me, but thankfully Wednesday stopped her when we shared a glance. I wanted to be alone. I did not want to see my family for the rest of the day. I would not be seeing them off. Xavier will do that in my place, and I know everyone would be happiest if it was him instead of me. Well, perhaps not Alec, but I didn’t really care. He’d get over it. So I went to a place where I knew nobody would disturb me since only Xavier and I knew about it. His little shed, which he uses as his art studio. I had a few hours to spend alone.

            Feet dangling off the table, I started counting the planks in the ceiling. The shed was a little wood construction. After laying down on a half empty table an hour ago, I was getting sleepy, so I started counting to keep myself awake. Around three hours passed since I left the courtyard and I was enjoying solitary. It was calm out here, the wind had picked up and it would rattle the branches of trees, leaves falling off. Chipmunks would run around from time to time, making the dry leaves crunch. Nature was quiet and after the accumulation of emotions, it was exactly what I needed. I was back to feeling numb, except this time, it felt emptier, hollower. Probably because I was drained and I needed a copious amount of sleep. The scrunching of leaves caught my attention again, but before I could think it was just another chipmunk, a wave of relief hit me. Somebody was approaching the shed, and it was none other than Xavier. He knocked on the door before he entered and he let out a long, tired, sigh.

“Hi.” He said quietly and awkwardly stood in the doorway of his own art studio. I smirked to myself, still laid out on his desk, still counting the planks.

“Don’t just stand there, it’s your own place.” I spoke up and it amused Xavier as he took slow steps, approaching me. I should’ve been disturbed by a few of his paintings, they were of a weird looking creature. I just found them really artistic and visionary. It had a different touch to it; some were foggier than others. As if he couldn’t see the monster clearly. And then there was the other painting, of Wednesday. Of course, it came as no surprise. Xavier, like I said earlier, was head over heels for her. Sickening.

“I see you’ve made yourself comfortable.” Xavier muttered as he leaned against the table, hip brushing my sock covered knee. I hummed as I felt his eyes on me, but continued counting. I was at thirty.

“Your empty table was begging me to lay down on it.” I said with a shrug and Xavier chuckled, looking around. I glanced at him and saw as his eyes stopped on the uncovered canvas. The one of Wednesday. His cheeks flared and he was suddenly embarrassed. He tried to compose himself and avoided looking at me, surely feeling my intense and teasing gaze on him.

“I assume you had seen off my parents, since you’re here now.”

“Correct,” he cleared his throat and crossed his arms in front of his chest, “Alec was quite disappointed he couldn’t say bye to you.”

“He’ll live.” I shrugged and sat up, back feeling a bit numb from laying on the harsh surface of the table for so long. I ran my fingers through my long black hair and looked at Xavier. He was still embarrassed and wouldn’t look at me, pathetic.

“I see you snooped around.”

“I merely looked at what was uncovered.” Well, that was a lie. But I figured I was trying to be funny…or sarcastic. I wouldn’t know which one, but Xavier took it as funny, as he chuckled.

“Right, like that one over there.” He pointed his finger at the one canvas’ of Wednesday and turned his head to look at me. One eyebrows raised, he acted as if he was hurt that I violated his privacy, when in reality he was just embarrassed and flustered. Of course, the thought of Wednesday made him feel many ways, and they all disgusted me.

“Oh, the one with Wednesday.” I said nonchalantly and he let his hand fall and rest on my knee, “I know you’re a great artist, but it surprises me how perfectly you were able to paint each detail. The facial expression is just…the same. Impressive.”

“I did get it pretty close, didn’t I?” His voice sounded dreamy and he looked at the painting of the girl. Xavier was feeling proud and love struck again. I rolled my eyes and pushed his hand off my knee before getting off the table. Xavier’s eyes widened just a little bit when I went to stand in front of him with my arms crossed in front of my chest. My proximity surprised him.

“You did, which is concerning.” I spoke up, faking confusion and worry, “You’ve been observing her really closely, haven’t you?”

“Sometimes.” Xavier shrugged, all of a sudden feeling uncomfortable. He looked into my eyes and pursed his lips, he didn’t want to talk about it, but I wasn’t letting go of the subject yet.

“I think, all the time, is more fitting, Xavier.” I chuckled and he rolled his eyes, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “You do know that she’s not into you, right?”

Xavier gulped and remained silent as he searched my face to see if I was sincere, which I was. I plastered on a blank expression and sighed loudly, as if I was tired of this subject. Which I truly was, but what I was about to tell Xavier, I haven’t told him before. Maybe it’s because today sucked and being alone for three hours hasn’t actually helped, but I was tired and annoyed by Xavier’s blind pinning on Wednesday.

“She doesn’t like you, Xavier. At all.” I continued speaking and his eyebrows furrowed, “When she looks at you, she feels nothing. Her heartbeat doesn’t quicken, like yours. She doesn’t get flustered, like you. She’s never embarrassed thinking she’s not looking her best around you. When you compliment her, it literally leaves her cold, Xavier. Sometimes she doesn’t even hear you. She prefers not paying attention to you and she finds you nagging and annoying. Sometimes even thinks you’re too soft, so that disgusts her. Maybe you should find somebody else, who appreciates you.”

Oh, Xavier was mad now. He was scowling and standing up straight, towering over me. I knew a few people who would’ve felt scared right now, but I just remained unmoving and unblinking as I looked up into his green eyes, which were glaring down into mine.

“And maybe you shouldn’t blabber around without being asked, Y/N.” Xavier snapped at me and I rolled my eyes.

“I just want to awaken you to reality and make you realize, that liking Wednesday won’t lead you anywhere.”

“How would you know?!” Xavier’s voice raised an octave and I clenched my jaw, I didn’t like being yelled at, “Are you a seer now too?”

“That’s funny coming from you.” I fake laughed, “You seem to forget I’m an empath, who feels the emotions of others!”

My voice raised a bit too as Xavier walked away, nearing one of the paintings of the monster. He was feeling hurt and angry. Well, someone had to wake him up to reality, right? I thought it was better sooner than later. It would only get harder later on for him to move on.

“And just because you’re an empath you can predict the future now?!”

“Oh, please, Xavier! She likes Tyler! A lot!” Xavier opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked at me as if I told him I killed his puppy, he was beyond hurt. He felt betrayed, it almost made me laugh. It wasn’t even that serious, he just liked overreacting.

“Maybe you should get a life, Y/N, and stop being so obsessed with me!” I scoffed, but Xavier continued talking, “You follow me around non-stop and have no friends. Sometimes I feel like you’re forcing yourself onto me and the only reason we’re friends is because my father told me to keep you close to myself when we were eight, because you’re dangerous and you’ll hurt others.”

My eyebrows furrowed. That was weird, I knew nothing about that. I knew Xavier considered me his closest friend, but I never knew his father forced him into befriending me when we were little. Any normal person would be beyond hurt right now. I’m just surprised. Xavier has been lying to me for so many years, that’s quite impressive. Well…alright, maybe he didn’t lie, because his feelings were always genuine towards me. It’s just surprising from a command how far things got. I didn’t need friends, I was better off on my own, it was Xavier who needed me. And why did he stay around for so long if he knew I was dangerous? Maybe because I never let my mask slip around him, and made him believe I was a good person. That meant I was doing a great job. A smile spread onto my lips as dread oozed out of Xavier for the horrible things he said to me. I wasn’t affected, I didn’t actually care. If he’s had enough of me, I’ve had enough of him too.

“Y/N—” He quickly caught my hand when I went to walk by him, but I gently pulled it back and looked into his eyes, still smiling. I think this wasn’t the right moment to smile, but it was quite confusing. And it was making Xavier feel even worse. Seriously, we got here because I mentioned Wednesday, this guy needs to priorities himself. I walked off without a word, smile on my lips, leaving Xavier feeling horrible.

            Three days passed since Parent’s Day. Three days since Xavier has spoken to me. I haven’t realized before how fast friendships could end. It was a weird feeling being alone all the time. It wasn’t something which made me uncomfortable, I welcomed it with open arms, it was just something new. I would always talk about random things that came unexpectedly to my mind to Xavier, who was always next to me. Now I had no one to talk to, so I would keep them to myself. I tried talking to a few students, but they were weirded out. It didn’t take me long at all to realize that the only reason I felt normal at Nevermore was because of Xavier. He never failed to make me feel human and normal. It was peculiar, really, and made me ponder about it sometimes when I got too bored with myself. Did I miss Xavier? Well, truthfully speaking, no. Would I have missed Xavier if I were able to? Honestly speaking, probably yes. But then I would’ve also been very hurt and maybe then there would be no turning back. But if I had actual feelings, than our friendship would’ve been genuine from the very start.

I blinked and shook my head, focusing on the painted target up ahead. It was pathetic how the thought of Xavier could distract me so easily from mundane things, like archery. I loved archery. My father taught me how to use a bow and arrow when I was ten. He is a hunter, so he’s quite experienced with various weapons. Sometimes, just to feel the terror and amuse myself, when dad took me out hunting with Jason, I would point my arrow at him and pretend to release it. He’d freak out and start crying loudly, alerting the animals we were close, therefore ruining my father’s hunt. He’d always get angry at Jason and when he’d explain the reason, our father would just shake his head, ask me to stop and use his power to calm Jason down so we’d continue the hunt. Fun times those were. I took another arrow and pulled it back, zoning in on the middle of the target. The red dot. Just as I released it, I felt a presence behind me. I was concentrating so hard that I failed to notice their aura and emotions until now. Remorse. Embarrassment. Guilt. Longing.

“Hello, Xavier.” I spoke up before he could. I felt him turn surprised that I knew it was him without seeing him. I was used to the feel of him and his emotions.

“Hi,” He cleared his throat, almost hesitating in saying my name, “Y/N.”

I took another arrow and pulled it back, releasing it as it hit the red dot again. There were two days until the Poe Cup. Enid and Yoko were doing their best decorating the boat. Enid was very excited and convinced this year we’d win. Ophelia Hall. And I had to agree, I consider myself a very competitive person, therefore I’d do anything to beat the other teams. No rules meant total freedom. And I loved freedom.

“Can I help you with something?” I raised an eyebrow as I took another arrow and concentrated on the target.

“I just want to talk to you—” I released the arrow and Xavier sighed, frustrated, he wanted me to offer him my undivided attention, “Please, can you stop for a second and look at me?”

I stopped for a second and turned around, to look at him, “Just did it.” My reply was cheeky, but Xavier found it annoying as he was dying to talk to me, before I could turn back around, he grabbed my wrist to stop me. His hand was warm and his hold familiar, he was always very gentle when holding me. I cleared my throat and lowered my bow, finally placing my attention on him. Xavier smiled timidly as he looked down at the grassy ground and cleared his throat.

“Can you get more awkward?” I rolled my eyes and Xavier gave me a look, asking me to shut up.

“Listen, I—I’m a horrible friend. I’m embarrassed and I hate myself for the things I told you.” Xavier’s eyebrows furrowed and the intensity of his honesty knocked me breathless again, “I should’ve never said something like that. It’s a lie! All of it—well, not the part where my father told me to befriend you, but I actually like you a lot! It was never forced or fake! I genuinely consider you my best friend, Y/N. And if you hate me, I totally understand and I deserve it, wholeheartedly! I’m an awful person and I don’t deserve you. If you won’t speak to me ever again I totally understand you and deserve it, but I—I just want you to know, that I am very, very, very sorry. And I hope one day you can forgive me, because not having you around for the past three days felt horrible and I realized how much you mean to me and I just—I don’t know, I don’t want to lose you, even though I probably did when I said those awful things.”

I remained blank faced just to antagonize Xavier more, prolong his suffering. It was really amusing. He was trying to hide the pain, but he couldn’t. If not his emotions, his eyes said everything.

“Well,” I sighed deeply, biting my lower lip, “I guess you’re very lucky that I even listened to that whole speech of yours.”

“Yes, I am!” Xavier exclaimed and suddenly took both of my hands into his and pulled me closer, gazing deeply into my eyes. What the hell? His gorgeous forest green eyes brought peace to my mind, in a normal scenario I could said, I probably missed them. “I am aware how lucky I am, Y/N, that you are standing here, looking me in the eyes after that day, and I just—”

“Okay, seeing you miserable is—” I took a deep breath and released it slowly, eyebrows furrowing, “annoying and quite pathetic, so shut up. I’m speaking now.”

I paused to let that sink into Xavier’s mind and he nodded eagerly. A spark of hope lit up in him, but his self-hatred was still stronger.

“Yes, you are a horrible friend for the things you said. And in a different scenario, I wouldn’t forgive you. But you’ve always been honest to me and our friendship was never fake, so I can’t be mad at you. Maybe your father saw something happening in the future and that is why he advised you be my friend, which was a wise choice if he stopped something horrible from happening. You are my best friend, Xavier, and I don’t want to lose you either. So, please, stop the self-loathing and smile. I forgive you…like, actually, truly, without feeling any resentment towards you, I forgive you.” I said all of that in one breath, meaning I had to take a deep breath by the time I was finished speaking. Xavier was speechless as he watched me smile at him.

“You—forgive me? Just like that?” He was confused. God, this boy could be so annoying. Anyone else would be kissing my feet for forgiving them just like that, but he’s here, questioning me after my half assed speech.

“Yes, Xavier, I do. You’re forgiven, now let me go.” I shook my head at him in an exasperated way, “I’m here for archery.”

“Okay, but I—I’m confused.” His eyebrows furrowed and I rolled my eyes, pulling my hands out of his hold as I reached down for my bow.

“About what? Seriously, just accept what’s happened and move on with your life.” I muttered as I went to turn around, feeling a bit irritated, but Xavier stopped me.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful—”

“I know,” I snapped, glaring at him, “I can literally feel it, Xavier. Remember?”

He just rolled his eyes and ignored my comment, “I’m grateful, however, I’m concerned.”

“About what?!”

“About how easily you forgave me!” He exclaimed and a few people glanced at us, Enid too. Lovely, create a scene Xavier. It’s not as if the whole school wasn’t already talking about our falling out or me, due to my stupid family.

“Why is that concerning—nevermind, you’re giving me a headache.” Xavier tsked and pulled me in closer, leaning his head down to be eye level with me.

“Because you like me…” The silence around the two of us was deafening. I think the right expression would’ve been: what the fuck?

“Uhm,” My eyebrows furrowed, “yes, because we’re friends?”

“No, no—” Xavier felt awkward and I was just weirded out, “I mean it in a way…like…you’re into me. You know?”

“So, you’re saying I’m in love with you?” I asked confused, because I think I was actually confused. And well, amused as well.

“No! Not in love! Just…you know…infatuated or something.” I hummed and bit my lower lip, trying to stop myself from laughing. Poor Xavier, “Are you…trying not to laugh at me?!”

Xavier semi-exclaimed and I finally burst out laughing, breaking our proximity as Xavier released me, finally. He just watched dumbfounded and confused as I laughed and laughed, almost getting teary eyed. Even my belly started aching!

“So, sorry that might’ve been insensible, but—” I cleared my throat once I was done laughing and straightened my stance, “I don’t like you like that, Xavier. Nor am I infatuated with you. We are best friends, and that’s it. Cross my heart and hope to die!” I held out my pinky for him, but he really didn’t want to believe me.

“Listen, it’s fine. I don’t mind it; we’ll still remain best friends—”

“Of course, we will!” I scoffed.

“No, listen to me, Y/N.” He was very serious, “Ever since Wednesday showed up you’ve been acting jealous from time to time. You hate it when I talk about her and I really didn’t want to believe you liked me in that way at first, but after our fight...which started from Wednesday and her not liking me back—I just figured you like me and it’s hard for you to accept that I’m into someone else.”

Now, just for effect, I would’ve loved slapping Xavier over the face. But again, that would be inappropriate. However, it might’ve slapped the illusion out of him! I was beyond irritated. I wasn’t in love with him! Or infatuated! Or jealous! I literally cannot feel!

“Xavier, stop embarrassing yourself. I’m incapable of feeling anything like that.” I snapped lowly at him, irritated. His eyebrows furrowed, but he seemed to disregard my words.

“Hey, I told you it was okay—”

“No, Xavier, I’m serious! I can’t feel a thing!” I huffed and turned around grabbing an arrow more forcefully than necessary, “Now, forget whatever stupid illusion you have made yourself believe and leave me alone. I’ll have class soon and I want to enjoy archery for a little bit longer.”

“Yeah, sure,” Xavier sounded unsure, he was confused, “I’ll see you in class.”

I hummed and listened to his footsteps as he walked away. Human emotions and illusions can be hilarious…and dangerous.

            Our day ended with a thunderstorm. It was pouring down hard, the harsh wind rattling the hinges of my locked window. I didn’t have a roommate, my mother asked Principal Weems to place me in a solo room, so that I wouldn’t cause any kind of trauma to anyone from the Academy. It was quite irritating at first, but after a while I was content with staying alone. Saved me from having to deal with someone else’s emotions after a day full of just that. It offered me tranquility; therefore I could relax and thrive in the comfort of solidary. After taking a hot shower and combing my hair, I decided to sneak down into the Nightshades’ secret library and search for books which were written about empaths. I’ve been doing some research this past month, wanting to find out more about myself. I couldn’t be the only who was born like this, there certainly has to be at least one other person besides me. But so far I had been unsuccessful, and with a tired sigh, I grabbed the book which seemed most interesting and carefully, to not get caught, sneaked back up to my room. The lamp on my bedside table was the only thing illuminating my room, which wasn’t as big as Enid and Wednesday’s. You could define it the size of a bigger storage room, but it was perfect for one person. I made it feel homey, inviting, in case I had people over. I taped some green and red leaves against the walls, making it look like you were in a forest during autumn, creating the illusion of those falling on you. My desk was placed right underneath the big window. I had placed fairy lights all around it, and wall as well. A few sketches given by Xavier were taped above my bed on the wall, and I cut out quotes from books that I found interesting, or some would say, inspiring. Enid loved gifting stuffed animals to me, so in a corner of my room, I had arranged them nicely. Since I put them on display, she would always get happy when she saw them. The bookcase I had from across my bed was huge, reached from ceiling to floor and had a little bit of everything. All the books I owned, and little ornaments I gathered from around the world when I traveled with my family, and the jewelry boxes I bought not a long time ago from an antique store in Jericho. Next to it was my closet, and one of its door’s wasn’t working right, so I couldn’t fully close it. As you entered, right behind the door I had some plants which offered the room some fresh air and right next to it, in the corner, I had a dark green beanbag, placed in front of my body length mirror. Lightning struck again and illuminated my room as I finished reading the last sentence on the page. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was well past midnight, that would explain why I was seeing all the words blurry; my eyes were tired too. I sighed, closed the book and placed it on my bedside table, stretching my back, cracking a few vertebrae. Just as I reached for the lamp, to turn it off, there was a soft knock at my door. I turned towards it and pondered for a second who could be at this late hour.

“Yes?” I called out and my door was cracked open as Xavier stuck his head inside. Uneasiness and anxiety was racking through his whole being, “Come inside, Xav.”

He felt relief flooding through him as he swiftly slipped inside and closed the door, locking it. He was wearing his pajamas: grey sweatpants and a burgundy t-shirt. His hair was untied and the ends were still wet, meaning he showered before going to sleep. His eyes were a bit red and the bags still haven’t disappeared from underneath his eyes. Xavier looked very tired; he was in need of a good sleep at this point. There was another strike of lightning and Xavier jumped at the loud thunder following instantly.

“What happened to you?” I asked with furrowed eyebrows as I threw the blanket off myself. The lower temperature of the room suddenly hit me and I shivered. Wearing a tank top to bed, in the middle of autumn, probably wasn’t the best idea.

“Uh,” Xavier averted his eyes as he licked his lips, feeling a bit embarrassed, “I had a really bad—nightmare. And I couldn’t go back to sleep—not when I know that haunting creature will come back for me.”

I hummed and patted the bed next to me, asking Xavier to come and sit. He was quick as he got onto my bed, pulling the blanket over his bare feet. “These visions have been exhausting me pretty badly, I’m quite sick of them.”

“And the storm isn’t helping you either.” I added with a knowing smile; Xavier hated storms, especially the thunder. There was something very calming in the raindrops falling down and hitting the surface, I enjoyed it quite a lot if I got to stay inside.

“It really isn’t.” Xavier muttered and ran his long fingers through his soft hair as he glanced at me from the corner of his eye. I chuckled and leaned closer to him, resting my chin on his shoulder.

“Well, since I’m feeling generous—” I cleared my throat and Xavier was quick to smile, turning his head ever so slightly to look at me better, “I think you’re allowed to sleep next to me tonight.”

Xavier chuckled and I pulled away as he turned his head fully towards me, gazing into my eyes. He felt lucky to have me in his life in that exact moment and I saw his fingers twitching. There was this sudden new wave of emotion, something I couldn’t define, and it was getting more intense the longer I looked into Xavier’s eyes. He was also confused and his eyebrows were ever so slightly furrowed, but he quickly pushed the weird feeling away and became even more grateful that I took him in tonight. Besides, his fingers only twitched when he was holding back from hugging someone.

“It’s been long since we did this.” Xavier muttered with an amused smile and he looked around my room, his eyes stopping on the sketch he gave me this summer. We were out in the forest and found a flower clearing. While I was gathering some flowers for Alec, Xavier felt inspired and started drawing. The drawing was of me as I was leaning down and picking at a purple flower; his sketch was rather successful. I also admired it a lot ever since he gave it to me.

“Yes, because I thought you grew up and got over your fear of thunderstorms and the dark.” I teased Xavier as I pursed my lips and he rolled his eyes, pushing my shoulder playfully. The push wasn’t forceful at all, but I let myself fall onto my back. I huffed as hair got onto my face and stared up at the ceiling, feeling comfortable. I was really tired; I had a long day.

“Let’s go to sleep.” I spoke up when I realized Xavier remained sitting and just stared at me wordlessly. He seemed to snap out of his thoughts as he nodded and he gripped my blanket, pulling it over his body and mine as he laid down onto his back. We remained in silence as we stared up at the black ceiling for a few more seconds, nothing particular on our minds.

“Good night, Y/N.” Xavier whispered just as I reached out to turn off my lap. Darkness engulfed my room and my eyes needed a few moments to adjust to the darkness, which was lit by another lightning. Xavier turned onto his side, back facing me and blanket pulled up to his chin. He shifted around for a few seconds before settling down, inhaling and exhaling deeply. He got comfortable and I could feel his body releasing the stress he’s been feeling, letting his body and mind rest for the night. I bit my lower lip as I stared at the back of his head, his familiar scent, murky but sweet, made me feel weirdly tranquil. Without thinking much of it, I turned onto my side as well and scooted closer to Xavier. I pressed my forehead against his back and circled an arm around his waist, molding my body against his. We rarely touched each other, but falling asleep while cuddling always just felt…nice, sort of. Not that I could actually feel that.

“Good night, Xavier.” I whispered into his back and felt my eyes get heavier and heavier as the rain continued pouring and the lightning illuminated my room, thunder rumbling in the distance. Sleep came easier that night, to the both of us.

             The day for the Poe Cup has arrived. And it was in full swing. Ophelia Hall managed to row through the river without hardships, all thanks to Wednesday, who stepped in for Yoko; she couldn’t make it today. I was more than sure that it was Bianca’s hand in it, but Wednesday, who also had the same hunch as me, remained silent and so we didn’t say a thing to Enid. We didn’t want to dishearten her before the race. Emotions were running high, adrenaline rushing through everyone as we were currently leading. We have pulled up with our boat to the deck of the little island, where our flags were. Wednesday was supposed to run for it, but she had hurt her leg the previous day, therefore the position was given to me.

“Go, run, Y/N, run!” Enid screamed loudly, excitement cursing through her veins as I got up and out of our boat. The team was cheering loudly for me, since we were leading, and with a chuckle I took off, just as Bianca’s boat pulled up to the deck as well. I didn’t want to disappoint Ophelia Hall, and Enid was so ecstatic about the whole thing, that I wanted to bring them victory. Even Wednesday, who obviously remained emotionless during the whole battle, was feeling excited and was enjoying the race. She was the most competitive one from our team and it made me grin. Enid having Wednesday and I in her team secured herself the victory. There were no rules, we could do anything. And I was more than convinced that Wednesday and I played dirty. Jogging through the forest, I heard another pair of shoes hitting the ground hard and realized Bianca was catching up. She was fueled with rage and desperation to get to the flag first and then row back to the shore. She really wanted to win, poor thing, I couldn’t wait to feel her despair once she loses.

“Hey, Y/N!” Bianca shouted after me, but I paid no attention to her as I started running faster. The latex suit Enid made us wear wasn’t very restricting and meanwhile it was a bit too much for my taste, I couldn’t say anything. The rest of the team were werewolves, besides Wednesday, and they wanted to represent that.

“Cat got your tongue?!” Bianca spoke up again, and I realized she was right behind me. I rolled my eyes and kept on running, feeling a weird change in the air. It’s like it got warmer, as if a sudden heatwave rolled in. Suddenly, Bianca was next to me and my legs felt a little sluggish.

“Oh, no, seems like your stamina isn’t as good as you imagined.” Bianca’s bright blue eyes stared deeply into mine and for a second, I felt mesmerized by them, “I think you should stop for a second and take a rest. Nobody would want you to get hurt or sick, Y/N, your health is more valuable to us.”

Before I could nod at her, I realized what was happening. I started laughing loudly and abruptly stopped, creating confusion in Bianca. She stopped too, to watch me with furrowed eyebrows.

“Well, I didn’t think it would be funny what I said, but you should totally just sit down now and wait until the race is over—”

“What you said isn’t funny, it’s what you’re trying to do is that makes me laugh.” Bianca was weirded out as she watched me pat my eyelids, I got teary eyed from laughing so hard.

“And what am I trying to do?”

“Your siren powers don’t work on me, Bianca.” Shock, is what she felt, and her eyes widened. It soon turned into confusion and I smirked as I walked up to her, getting all up in her face.

“To manipulate someone with your powers, the person should have emotions and feelings first. Next time, you should check who you’re trying to manipulate.” I was irritated, I always hated it when someone in my family tried to calm me down or make me feel happy. And Bianca tried controlling me with her stupid siren song power. I did not appreciate that, however, the confusion my words created in Bianca offered me enough time to jump on her. She yelped as my legs circled her waist and my hands went around her neck. Bianca’s eyes widened as I tipped her over and we fell onto the dirty ground, a loud grunt leaving her mouth. That must’ve hurt.

“You want to play dirty?” I whispered with a smirk, lips close to her ear, “I’ll show you dirty.”

And then I started squeezing. Bianca’s eyes widened instantly and dread started coursing through her as she desperately tried to pull my hands off her neck. Only problem for her was…that one’s intense emotions only give me more strength, therefore, she had no chance of getting me off herself. She was trying to desperately breathe as I was squeezing her airways, her nails digging into my wrists, as I kept smirking at her and squeezing harder. Relax, I wasn’t going to kill her, I just wanted to knock her out. When she started trashing her body around I got fed up and induced calmness into her, body instantly relaxing. Her wide eyes slowly started to close and I chuckled as she went limp.

“Don’t worry, Bianca,” I whispered and patted her cheek, “we’ll see each other when Ophelia Hall wins.”

I chuckled and as I raised to my knees, to get off her, a body tackled me to the ground. My left shoulder started throbbing as it took the fall and I groaned loudly, scrunching my nose at the uncomfortable body weight pinning me down. I looked up at Xavier, who was feeling conflicted and scared.

"What the hell?!" He exclaimed, eyes going to Bianca, who lay a few feet away from us, unconscious.

“Don’t worry,” I smirked, “I didn’t kill your lover.”

“She’s not my lover anymore, Y/N.” Xavier snapped, frustrated. This whole jester outfit made him look…quite handsome. The red lip paint stretched out his lips and when he smiled, the students around him felt creeped out. I didn’t have to look at Xavier to know that he was enjoying all the attention he was getting, I could feel his smugness. And there were enough people who were turned on by his outfit, that was the excruciating part that I wished to not know about. Plenty of girls were lusting after him, and even some guys too. Xavier and I shared a look before we each got into our boats and he was smirking at me. I fixed him with a glare and he bit his lower lip as he trailed his eyes over my body, holding back a laugh. He mouthed ‘hot’ to me and I flipped him off, straightening my back and turning my head away from him. But they were dressed as clowns, and suddenly, Ajax and him started fooling around, making annoying sounds. Enid was secretly enjoying the whole show and Ajax flushed when he noticed her looking at him, teenagers with their lovey-dovey feelings could get really disgusting. And Xavier felt triumphant when he caught Wednesday looking at him, except that she was just bored and judging his choice of outfit. I had to be honest, though, the colors he wore were a nice contrast against his skin color and brought out his deep forest green eyes.

“Don’t know how seriously I can take a clown, Xavier.” He huffed and his eyes went to Bianca before they fell back on me.

“Explain yourself be—because to me it looked like you were trying to kill her!” Xavier’s voice rose and he was panicking a bit, that’s amusing.

“And so what?” I raised my eyebrows at him and Xavier’s eyes widened.

“You—you can’t be serious, Y/N.”

“I already told you I have no feelings or emotions, Xavier, so why does it still surprise you?” I huffed and rolled my eyes as Xavier shifted a bit, finally taking his leg off my thigh, it was starting to go numb, “Get off now.”

Xavier shook his head, eyebrows furrowed, as he tried to understand my words, “No, not until you explain yourself, because I don’t understand you anymore.”

I sighed and stared up at the blue sky for a second before looking back at Xavier, who’s eyes were desperately searching for mine, so I gazed into his, “Fastest and easiest way to say it…I’m a sociopath. I have no emotions and the only things I can feel are basically irritation, anger, and rarely amusement. Everyone thinks I’m normal, because when I was eight, my father taught me how to act and react to the people around me. Besides, I’m an empath, I know what everyone fells around me, and it’s easy to act accordingly to it. People are very easy to manipulate, Xavier, even you.”

Oh, Xavier was very confused. His eyebrows were furrowed and he opened his mouth to say something, but I left him quite speechless, “Did you never notice I smile in situations which are quite inadequate?”

“I did—I just—I thought it’s because of your dark humor—” I chuckled and watched as Xavier tried to bring sense to all of it. I bet it was hard for him to understand me as he always thought I was just like everyone else. So I decided to show him. Numbness, my usual state of mind. Calm, and quiet. Xavier’s grip on me loosened a bit as I saw his eyes clear up, body relaxing a bit. I didn’t hold the emotion wave over him for long, I just wanted him to catch a glimpse of it.

“There…that is what it feels like to be me.” Xavier was, once again, speechless as he looked at me. He slowly shook his head and muttered a ‘no’. He was going through it, the denial and disbelief stage. It was fine, my father went through it too. Took him some time to accept it, however, I think it’ll take longer for Xavier.

Despite always expecting the unexpected, what came next is still something I never expected to happen. One would say I was shocked, which I probably would’ve been if able to feel. Xavier’s lips were against mine. He kissed me, out of the blue. What the fuck? Why? What—what is he doing?! And they started moving against mine, soft lips which tasted like berries. It took me a second to kiss him back, but just because I couldn’t decide whether it is alright to kiss back your friend, or you should pull away. And Xavier’s feelings weren’t a good guidance all of a sudden. He shut down. As if he built up a wall that I couldn’t sense through. I could still feel a hint of denial, but whatever the hell he was doing, was overpowering my abilities. And so I closed my eyes and pressed my lips more forcefully against his. One of his hand’s released my wrist and he cupped my cheek. He was still gentle, he always was, and despite me trying to dominate he kiss, I couldn’t. There was something in Xavier which always took the lead and so I gave up, following his natural rhythm. I was pretty sure that friends don’t kiss, but this didn’t feel so bad. He wasn’t a bad kisser and it was actually enjoyable. My hand, subconsciously, got tangled in his tied-up hair which wouldn’t bother his jester hat, but it was currently, quite irritating. I wanted to run my hands through his hair, but I couldn’t because of it. His hand slipped from my cheek to my neck and that was when it hit me. A wave of longing, quite powerful too, as Xavier pulled back for a small second. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to understand what he was feeling, but he wasn’t sure either. So I leaned up and kissed him, less gentle and more needy as I gripped his nape firmly and pulled him closer, making him grunt. He released my other wrist and instead supported himself against the earth as my legs wrapped around his hips. Was I seriously making out with my best friend, on a muddy forest floor, during the Poe Cup? I probably shouldn’t even have allowed him to kiss me let alone make out with me, but Xavier’s emotions were intoxicating and it was making my head spin. His hand slipped back to my head and he gripped my hair, pulling away. Out of instinct, I wanted to follow his lips and kiss him again, but Xavier didn’t let me.

“And you have no feelings?” He asked breathless, chest rising and falling faster than before. I licked my lips as I looked into his eyes, eyebrows furrowed. His red lip paint got smudged and I was more than sure it was all over my face too.

“I don’t—” I cleared my throat when my voice came out raspy. We were in a forest, there are vines, right? “I don’t have feelings, Xavier.”

He shook his head feeling annoyed, “Well it didn’t feel like it when we kissed.”

I rolled my eyes and concentrated on the dead vines behind us, hanging off a tree branch, “Well…you’re the one to talk. Not only you kissed me, you were quite enjoying yourself too.”

Xavier got embarrassed and he gulped, averting his eyes from mine, “Well, I just—”

And I pushed him, my force taking him off guard as he fell onto his ass. The vines I have concentrated on so hard sprung forward and tangled around Xavier’s wrists, who was too shocked to react.

“What—Y/N—” When he realized I was tying him to a tree, he tried to stand up quickly, but I pushed him back down. He couldn’t even struggle against them, because with a flick of my hands, the veins clung onto him tightly, tying him.

“Sorry, Xav, I have a Cup to win.” I chuckled and winked at him as the vines secured my best friend against the tree, making him hiss when they tightened more around his body. Having basic telekinesis powers was quite handy in times like this.

“Y/N!” Xavier was feeling incredulous and just to tease him more, I walked up to him and leaned down. His eyes went to my lips first and I smirked, amused by his behavior and conflicting emotions.

“Bianca will wake up soon and well…it’ll take a few good minutes to get yourself untied, Xavier.” I smiled sweetly at him, “See you on the other side, loser.”

And to put the cherry on top, I pressed a swift kiss against his lips before taking off running towards the flags, which were visible from where we stood. I could hear Xavier’s frustrated screams, telling me to cut the shit and release him. Would I do that? Never.

After all, it was a battle with no rules, and I’d use that to my advantage whenever given the chance.

↳Part2

[sleeplesssmoll]

Other effects of Pain Tolerance?

This is mostly a bunch of ideas that my brain didn't want to let go of so now I subject everyone to them.

Let's say Vertin is someone who's pain tolerance is very high. This could warp her perceptions of pain. Things we normally find painful are less painful to her, therefore it's tolerable/normal. This is something we see done all the time in other media.

But what about the other effects this could have? Pain is a super important sense that also makes people relate to one another. We know the pain of stepping on a Lego or stubbing your toe. It's a very human (although Vertin is an arcanist) experience and while it's annoying, it connects us to one another. Here are some other things that popped up in my head. Note the brain is just storming so it'll be everywhere (like everything else I do, honestly)

Lack of sensation leading to appreciation

Pain and pleasure are very much intertwined so if she can't feel pain, it's probable other sensations are lessened too. For example, let's use hugs. The first sense we think of is touch but there's more than that.

There are differnet stimuli involved with that contact from heat, their weight against you, their scent, their breathing. If they start talking you can feel that little rumble in their chest. While she can't feel many sensations we take for granted to their fullest, there is alot more engagement in these interactions and it makes her appreciate them more. Or let's use her favorite thing: holding hands!Lines on palms, the size of each individual finger, cold/hot, the pulse, they way their hands fit together, etc. She notices things we don't think about since the interaction registers differently in her head. Her lack of feeling actually makes her more touchy because it's still one of the easiest ways to feel a connection to people, even if it's not in the conventional sense.

Arcanum Shenanigans

Vertin's actually holding hands with people to feel out their emotions through their arcane fluctuations. Maybe she can't feel her own pain, but she can feel your's. She can also sus out things that aren't pain like sincerity or hidden motive but she needs to touch you first. Except when arcane fluctuations/emotions are so intense she can feel them without contact. Things like bloodlust and desperation. We know she can sense arcane skills so this is one step further.

Fear/Hesitance

Vertin recognizes that maybe her pain tolerance messes with her perception and therefore is sometimes afraid she might hurt someone else. She has a very compassionate personality and the idea of accidentally hurting someone makes her hesitant and she restrains herself from otherwise normal interactions. This could also feed into that gentleness we see in her. There a dash of fear in that empathy. Note, I'm not saying that's why she's so nice but it could also be contributing factor.

She'll also overreact to her people's pain because of her skewed perception while being unaware the severity of her own wounds. I write this one a lot 🫠

This side of her could also make an appearance in a intimate/vulnerable settings where the chances of accidentally hurting the other person are higher. Super touchy at first but then hesitates because at the back of her mind she needs to show restraint and be mindful. I bet in impulsive arcanists it'd be doubley awkward cause they're so connected to their emotions. While Vertin has a clear disconnect with her own.

In other words, she overthink a LOT when it comes to anything that puts someone else in a vulnerable position.

Another example: she gets nervous about holding babies. While she can hold fragile little foggies and juvenile birds with no problem, holding a tiny person make her uneasy. Meanwhile her teammates are the type to rough house the baby. Kids? She loves them. Actual babies? Just frozen in place, waiting for someone to save her while she holds the child like it'll break if she blinks to hard. She won't even try to put the baby down in case she "screws up". Someone needs to come get the baby from her.

Of course, she can learn to get over this with time. Needs to unlearn her doubts and over-corrections. She will become the one who throws the baby in the air because they laugh when she catches them once she does. She'll carry them like a dad. If you know, you know.

Open to any other weird ideas about how a high pain tolerance could effect other parts of her life. Could also be a cool exercise that can apply to similar characters!

[nautls11]

my rambles about the tmk finale (SPOILERS, obviously)

whats up tmk famalam, im sad and im gonna talk about it

I cant even begin to describe how incredible the finale was. The players and the dice both had a story to tell and it created an end that brought me to tears.

The acting.

Genuinely some of the best ive seen in the entire show and I’ve been watching since convergence. Every single person absolutely killed it, Condi especially. Lucia’s moments with Mary, and Milo’s acting during the final scene was absolutely phenomenal

“Humanity’s weakness.” Empathy.

Empathy plays such a vital role throughout this entire story. It’s Lucia’s drive to try and save Everett from becoming her sister. It’s Jin’s drive to save the people who had those horrible fates he experienced when he was young. Everett’s lack of empathy was what pushed him away from his hunting party, seeing it as nothing but weakness.

Everett’s lack of empathy was what isolated him from the rest of the hunters. Yet, it was Everett’s empathy that made him choose to save Trey by turning him into a monster (albeit against Trey’s will), knowing that he wouldn’t survive otherwise. It was Everett’s lack of empathy for humanity that made him join the monsters, yet it was Everett’s humanity that made him spare Jin and Lucia during the monster siege.

Jin couldn’t kill Everett because he desperately wanted to keep alive the last bit of humanity Everett had left in him. Because Everett spared him, Jin only saw the only right thing to do was to spare his life as well, even though it led to the summoning of the Moonbeast.

It was empathy for Pebble’s losses that led Lucia and Jin to trust him, and he was able to prove himself more than capable.

It was Lucia’s empathy at the end that revealed Everett truly did still have a fraction of humanity and empathy left inside him, enough to destroy the heart and give one last goodbye. In the end, humanity’s weakness was also their ultimate power.

Mary’s internal conflict.

Lucia recognizing Mary but Mary not recognizing her, and the instant Mary realized it was her sister, her entire demeanor changed into that of a scared and traumatized child, because she never got to grow up. She was seen as a monster and became a monster. That was all she knew, and when those emotions filled her chest again she knew nothing but panic. She sees empathy as a weakness, just like all the other monsters do. Even to the point where she recoils from her own older sister’s sincerest apologies. Until Lucia has gona through what Mary has gone through, so long as they are different, Mary sees no place for reconciliation. And that id what causes her own downfall.

And the ending. The falling ending.

I think the fact that it ended with them all still falling makes it such a beautiful finale. It’s open-ended, we don’t know what faits await them. Do they fall as the starlight dapples across their skin and fall into the earth, becoming part of the cycle once more? Do they survive the fall, and the three of them live, watching as the moon slowly falls across the horizon and not into the maw of a beast, crying sobs of relief that their world was saved? Does one of them drag themselves out of the ocean to find their companions cold and motionless on the shore? I think the fact that we don’t know gives us so much more to think about, even though the campaign is over.

anyways thank you council + milo for making another incredible campaign and fuck you for adding to my cry counter (/nm ofc it was absolutely incredible)

[stylerm2world]

I really disliked this episode and will probably stop watching. My comfort show, now feels unrecognizable. It really sucks to say that.

How this episode handled Tim’s perspective of the breakup was so out of character to me. Tim’s complete lack of acknowledgement for how he hurt Lucy and trying to pretend things were normal, “you clocking out?” was baffling.

When a person you claim to love, asks for an adult conversation, you decide your best response is “I have nothing for you,” is disgraceful. I don’t understand how you dismiss the request, shrug your shoulders and don’t even make an attempt. To add insult to injury, the indifferent way he talked about her to others felt so disrespectful. I no longer recognize this character. To me, the character they have built for the last 5 years, would never have been that deliberately cruel talking to or about Lucy. Clueless, sure, cruel, no.

Once again, I come back to this terrible writing. I didn’t recognize Tim. I understand the purpose of him yelling at Aaron was a call back of season 1 Tim, but it ignores all of Tim’s character growth. Tim’s character development from his friendship with Lucy, even more so, than the romantic relationship feels like it’s been completely forgotten. It feels like a betrayal of Tim’s character development. Tim’s progress was one of the best storylines on the show.

At this point, the repair Tim would have to make with Lucy and their relationship, even friendship, feels insurmountable to me. How do you go from saying I love you two episodes ago to this bull. The writing is atrocious. The one small caveat that might make all of this make sense is if this is all some master plan to trap the doctor. Even so, Tim has traumatized Lucy. It’s a betrayal trauma.

I can acknowledge Tim’s pain and trauma. I get he is going through it, absolutely. I have so much empathy for him. I am a therapist and work with clients like this all the time. I always understood where he was coming from, until this episode. His PTSD can be a reason for him acting this way, but it’s not an excuse. The utter lack of remorse and cruelty for purposely hurting someone you claim to love, feels so unlike this character. So I am done.

Really unpopular opinion: I wish Wade would have validated Lucy’s feelings rather than just telling her to tell Tim everything she said.

Side Note: I am so tired of female characters being portrayed as sooo understanding and empathetic that they accept any treatment because “he loves me.” I am tired of seeing female characters trivialized to the point they throw themselves on the alter of men’s emotional immaturity and unavailability. Tim’s right, Lucy deserves better. Normalize women walking away from men who claim to love them, but treat them like shit. Love without trust is not viable.

Add in Lucy’s WOC character being sacrificed for white male character development feels ugly.

[farfromstrange]

the grudge | Matt Murdock x Reader

PART 4 of The Vault

See this post for more information on my Valentine's Day Special & Follower Celebration, but these fics can be read separately!

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: You think back on your relationship with your father after his death, and Matt is there to put some things into perspective and take care of you.

Warnings: Angst, 100% self-indulgent (this fic is the definition of that word), death of a parent, daddy issues (not the sexy kind), song fic, conflicting emotions, hints at child abuse (mostly emotional), and everything that comes with it

Word Count: 1.4k

A/n: I was sad and angry when I wrote this. Growing older, I started realizing that the things my father did when I was a child shaped me, and that it will always stand between us. And when I heard Olivia's song "the grudge" for the first time, it hit me hard. So, this is how this fic came to be. Some of you may identify with this and recognize some of the feelings I've worked through with this. It may also trigger you, so please proceed with caution.

His favorite flowers were peonies. 

It’s a detail you’re not quite sure why you chose to remember. 

You can’t remember the last time he put in the effort to remember one of your favorites—because he never listened. Everything you once told him entered one ear and came out the other without processing your words. If he simply wasn’t capable of feeling empathy or if he chose not to because you were “too complicated,” you’re not sure. You’re not even sure if you want to know. 

Well, even if you did, it’s too late now. 

His favorite flowers were peonies, and yet, staring at his gravestone now, you wonder how a person can call a flower that resembles love and happiness their favorite and be incapable of those very same emotions at the same time. 

He never loved you. At some point, he stopped telling you. You got older, and you realized that fighting for a relationship that has been broken from the start is of no use. When someone can’t love you back, it’s not worth it to love them. The disappointment will only break you. That is what you have tried telling yourself for years, but where he lacked empathy, you’ve always had too much of it, and you quickly realized that you are incapable of hating him to the extent you wish you did. 

Still, even though you can’t hate him, you do resent him. You resent him for never caring the same way you saw other children being loved. You resent him for not sticking around. For not remembering the most essential details about you. For not putting in more effort. For not believing in you when you needed it most. For replacing you. For hurting your mother. For hurting you. There are many reasons you could hate the man who called himself your father, but you still can’t hate him. He failed you when you were just a child, and you still can’t hate him. What does that say about you? Resenting someone while you still love them; is that even possible? Or is it just the confusion that consumes you?

You’re not sure how you’re supposed to grieve the death of someone you once claimed you wouldn’t miss when he died, but it does hurt. It hurts, and you hate it.

Just because he was dead to you doesn’t make this twisted love you have for him go away, you realize that now. And now that he is actually dead, you’re not sure where to with yourself. Or your anger. Or your resentment. 

You wonder if you should have done more to get closure before he died. You wonder if there would have been any way to salvage what was broken between you if you both had just tried a little harder. But you were a child, and then you grew into a broken adult, and you did all you could have done. The blame is normal, someone told you once. It gets better though. It is supposed to get better. 

If it’s supposed to get better though, why does it still hurt so damn much?

The gravel next to your scrunches underneath a second set of boots. A hand finds your own. It’s larger, more calloused than your own. 

“Are you okay?” Matt asks softly. 

He knows how badly it hurts to lose a parent. The only difference is that his father treated him well for the first nine years of his life before he died. 

You wonder if your father was even just a little sorry or if he simply didn’t realize how shitty his behavior was, even though many people have told him over the years. 

You blink, the tears in your eyes an all too familiar companion. “Yeah,” you lie. “I’m fine.”

Your heartbeat doesn’t waver, but he still knows you’re lying. 

The man who was supposed to love you the most in this world did little to show you that. Matt is the first man who has ever shown you unconditional love and known you in a way that you can’t possibly put into words. Your father was insecure, too insecure to love you in the way you were supposed to be loved, and in the process of trying to survive through his struggles, he scarred you for life. 

He wrapped his hand around your heart and broke it without realizing it. 

“You know, I tried to understand why he treated me like he did,” your voice tears through the silence in a monotone line. 

Matt’s head tilts in your direction. “Some people are very insecure and unhappy with themselves,” he says. It’s more of a matter-of-fact statement, but he says it with such sincerity that it hits you right in your feelings.

“I know that, but–”

He cuts you off. He knows you blame yourself. You say you don’t, but every time you do, you’re lying. He knows you’re lying. “When a parent is like that, the person who is the least to blame for any of it is their child,” Matt tells you. “You were just a child, sweetheart.”

No matter how hard you try, you can’t let it go. 

“I think…” You take a deep breath. “I think he wanted a baby, not a child. And when I grew up, and he realized I wasn’t as easy as he wanted me to be, he thought removing himself from the narrative would fix everything,” you say. Your voice is still monotone.

He doesn’t deserve your tears. Still, you cry. You can’t help but cry because, in a way, you loved him, and now that he’s dead, it hurts. 

In silence, there is suffering, and in suffering there is always at least an ounce of unresolved anger. In your case, it is a lot more. And you don't have the strength to fight or forgive. You’re not there yet, and you probably won’t ever get there. Some people make it look easy, but closure and moving on from the agony of your childhood is harder than it may sound.

Another heavy breath leaves your lips. It weighs like a ton of bricks and drags the mood further down. “I don’t like holding grudges.” The cold wind whips you across the face.

“I know.” Matt squeezes your hand in his. 

“I can’t not hold it against him,” you continue. “We were both hurt, and hurt people hurt people, but…those cuts were never equal.”

He shakes his head. When you’re losing yourself in this sea of emotions that you don’t quite understand yet, he’s there to help you keep your head above water. He’s there to help you breathe when it gets a little too hard. And he’s there to be your common sense because yours doesn’t work as well as it used to.

“You have every right to hold a grudge. He made you believe that you aren’t worthy of love,” he says. “Yes, hurt people hurt people, but that doesn’t make it okay that he hurt you in a way no child should ever be hurt.”

He has a way of bringing you down to earth. Your father sucked at talking about what he was feeling or thinking; he sucked at finding the right words because he hardly ever believed in them. He made you believe that you weren’t worthy of love—emphasis on weren’t. When Matt came around, all of that changed. Now, you do believe you are worthy of love. His love, anyway. 

Though every time you think you’re not enough, his voice—your father’s voice—is still there. You can’t escape him, even now that he is dead. He will always live rent-free in your mind, and the damage he caused will always affect the way you see things.

“I love you,” Matt’s gentle voice breaks through the fog like a siren’s song. “He was wrong about so many things, and I think he died knowing that by not trying hard enough, he lost you a long time ago.”

 Your teary eyes are mirrored in his glasses, finally looking up at him. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?” you ask.

He shakes his head, but there is a small smile playing on his lips. “There is nothing that can make this better, but there is a fine line between love and hate. You can’t let it destroy you.”

It’s true. You don’t want to turn into the bitter one. If you do, you are no better than him, and you will never know what it is like to be free. 

You wipe your cheeks. “I want to go home,” your wish is clear in the crispy morning air. 

Matt tugs you closer to him. “Okay,” his lips press to your temple, “let’s go home.”

Matt Murdock Angst Tag List: @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @linamarr @itwasthereaminuteago @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @thychuvaluswife @schneeflocky @imjustcal @pipsqueakkitten @merlinbtch @thatonegamefish @amberritonicole @pigeonmama

[marvelstars]

"All slaves have a transmitter placed inside their bodies somewhere." "I've been working on a scanner to try and locate mine, but no luck." "Any attempt to escape…" "And they blow you up. Poof!"

―Shmi and Anakin Skywalker

One of the things that always get my attention in the phantom menace is how easily the people who would take care of Anakin from his 9 years to a young adult could ignore so easily the way his upbringing would affect him but if you see TPM movie, you get why.

Shmi and Anakin are living in horrorific circunstances, they know their owners, Gardulla and Watto can blow them up anytime they want with all legality on Tatooine so what´s left to them to stay not only sane but also kind under such circunstances is to keep what Viktor Emil Frankl called "mental/emotional freedom" they may not be owners of their own bodies but they are owners of their own mind and they can choose to be kind in their circunstances because they "WANT TO BE KIND" not because some code tells them they have to be kind or compassionate.

This is a family who has personally seen slaves being blown up, from kids, to women to adults of any age, a family who lived inside Gardulla´s the Hutt palace, you only need to remember ROTJ to understand this is a mother who had to explain to anakin what sex was from a very young age so he could tell her if someone wanted to take advantage of him that way even if she could not stop them from taking advantage of her Son.

QUI-GON: You should be proud of your son. He gives without any thought of reward.

SHMI: Well he knows nothing of greed.

So when the Jedi came to Tatooine, given the stories both Shmi and Anakin heard about them, most notably the story about them freeing slaves from the former Sith Empire some thousands of years ago, they didn´t expect much but at least they expected the problem to be recognized but Qui-Gon has to explain to them that they are on Tatooine on accident and that they are not here to free slaves and when you get to Coruscant you learn that the Jedi are mostly concerned to what happens in the Senate to put much attention to what happens in the wider galaxy.

So we get in an scenario where Anakin is send to the Temple by his mother to give him a chance of a normal life but the world in which he gets to doesn´t even have the lenses to begin to understand his pov and not only that, they expect him to adapt himself to them, not the other way around.

You think? I don´t know Yoda, If I were a 9 year old who still has a ticking bomb inside my body(Qui-Gon didnt had time to get him to an infirmary), who had to leave behind my mother in such circunstances and who now is surrounded by adults called masters, who can read my mind, you know, the only thing left free for a slave like Anakin, I guess I would be pretty afraid too and not because I am falling to the darkside but because it´s a normal human reaction but Jedi are just not that empatethic in this version of the Order right?

So what we get is that Anakin gets to live in a place with people who certainly have good intentions, who see themselves as the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy but who mostly believe this means doing what the Senate tells them to do, they are completely unable and unwilling to even begin to understand Anakin, most of them, even Yoda have too sheltered lives to begin to understand where Anakin is coming from and it shows painfully as part of the tragedy, because where they see Anakin, they see pain/anger/hate and where Anakin sees them, he sees ignorance and lack of empathy that he at times sees as cruelty but both sides try to make it work, acting as if that´s not what they see on each other.

So even if Obi-Wan did his best to understand Anakin he´s still too sheltered to understand him they way his mother did, he believes Anakin having a problem with food snacks is a sign of him being greedy /asking for special treatment instead of being a sign of someone who has been starved before as punishment and a natural reaction is to keep food and insects around so he doesn´t die of hunger, Obi-Wan is just disgusted by it.

But you know someone who certainly grew up as sheltered as the members of the jedi order, as part of a noble house in a mid rim planet but who has plenty of life experiences and isn´t so set in his ways that he can recognize the signs Anakin is showing for all to see? who has travelled to Tatooine and many other worlds as part of his Sith training? Palpatine, this is why he allowed Anakin to stay in the Jedi Order, he knew he would just grow up bitter and resentful of them because they were just too set in their own ways to try to understand and that for him, was just preparation for him to be turned into a Sith. He can be the one adult who understands where Anakin is coming from and he doesn´t even need to lie.

So when I see this character seen in the fandom as someone spoiled (lol) who gave Obi-Wan a hard time every chance he got, I wish Lucas had been more direct in telling this part of the story because there´s just so much of this tragedy lost in translation that isn´t even funny.

But you know who also had the means to get to Anakin and completely understand what the hell happened, who was from the same world? Who knew how to get to him in his own language despite years of being submerged in the darkside? Yes, his Son Luke, so I guess this is how the story rhymes.

[gojonanami]

I'm having a thought and I'm smacking you with it; Western AU where Satoru and Suguru are basically co sheriffs and Suguru has a thing going on with a cute gal from one of the biggest ranches in their community. The girls dad is a bit over protective since he lost his wife already and there was def a moment where Suguru was chased off the property after the dad caught him in bed w his daughter/reader, inspite that she ends up pregnant

Suguru decides to try and ask for the father's blessing, unfortunately he arrives on the property that faithful day to find everything in disarray, the father and younger siblings are dead and his love is missing.

Suguru being Suguru, spirals as a result, and it gets worse when he learns people turned a blind eye to the chaos on the ranch that day to protect themselves and he starts to take the law into his hand as judge, jury and prosecutor and finds himself lacking the empathy he once had.

Yaga, the big boss, basically tells Satoru has to bring Suguru in now because he's a danger to himself and others. Suguru skips town because Satoru more or less gives him a warning to leave by sunrise because he can't bring himself to hurt his friend.

Suguru makes himself a name as both a terror and a hero over the years as he hunts down people from the group that attacked his beloved's family home, since they're causing problems everywhere in the west. ( he totally has a gang comprised of characters that were his most loyal cultists from og canon )

It culminates to an insane showdown/shoot out in another settlement where Suguru happens to sees a kid stumble into the mess. Despite his lack of empathy and convoluted and unresolved emotions he can't find it in himself to abandon a child, so he scoops up the kid and tosses them to one of his gang mates

uhhh satoru is there it's a mess and something something, when it ends the child's mother is shouting the kids name, and Suguru pauses his escape because he recognizes that voice that's haunted him in his sleep for years and he turns around, there she is, his beloved. Alive and well. The child wiggles away from his men and runs to her, shouting mom.

Suguru didn't really look at the kid before but he does now. That black hair and purple eyes. Just like him. And his beloved looks up at him, ready to thank him for saving her child when she realizes it's him.

And all those emotions he thought he locked away comes undone and Suguru is just a fucking mess. They're here. They're alive. Somehow, they escaped their kidnappers and they've survived.

something something

idk the overarching mess of that one gang is resolved once Satoru and Suguru team up one last time to take the leader down and Satoru once again turns away and lies to Yaga that Suguru died in the shoot out. Suguru, their lover and child begin a new life together far away from it all on a ranch of their own.

okay I literally want to write this so bad and I love it so much — I’ve been racking my head for a western story and this is so good!!!

if you don’t mind, I would love to write this 🥹🥹🥹

[yantao-enthusiast]

literally about to throw hands for maisie rn because WHY ARE YOU BULLYING HER OVER A 17 SECOND CLIP ON TIKTOK?????? SHE’S FUCKING NERVOUS FULFILLING HER DREAM??????????? literally it’s so upsetting because she gave such an incredible performance and all she had to do was be slightly nervous for a few seconds and suddenly everyone is judging her based on one little thing instead of any other aspect of her performance or her songwriting that TAYLOR HERSELF COMPLIMENTED!!! it makes me sick how it’s so easy for people on tiktok to bully a girl fulfilling her DREAM. like putting a girl down for being nervous isn’t going to get you to open for taylor swift bby no matter how much you comment it. there is such a lack of humanity and empathy that goes towards celebrity culture nowadays, the complete failure to recognize people especially online as human is VILE. maisie has worked TOO HARD and TOO LONG for you all to act like this. she’s been making music since 2017 and where were you? the good witch went #1 in the uk and where were you? she was opening for taylor swift and you were where? being a fucking NOBODY. she has had such incredible songs and performances but you don’t want to validate them for what reason? because you just want someone to hate and pick apart? to make up for your own insecurities and lack of hard work? fuck you. fuck you incredibly hard.

[simplyclary]

Standing Up for Your Privacy

(Photo edit by me)

Entering Taylor Zakhar Perez's fandom last August 2023 was a moment of joy for me. I admired him for his talent, charm, and the authenticity he brought to his roles. However, my excitement was quickly dampened by a troubling issue: multiple accounts on Twitter threatened to out Taylor about his sexuality and private relationships. This was my first encounter with the darker side of fandom, and it's an experience that still frustrates me deeply to this day.

Outing someone without their consent is a gross violation of privacy and respect. It is an act of betrayal that no one deserves, least of all someone who has given so much joy and inspiration through their work. The fact that this threat was made during Pride Month is not just insensitive; it is a blatant disrespect to a time meant for celebrating acceptance, love, and the right to live openly and authentically.

What makes me angrier is the timing of this threat. It coincided with a particularly difficult period for Taylor and his family, as it is also around the time of the anniversary of his eldest sister Kristy's passing. In such a time of grief and need for personal space, the last thing anyone should have to deal with is an invasion of their privacy. It’s a heartless act that shows a complete lack of empathy and understanding.

It seems that some people did not learn from the powerful speech delivered by Taylor’s character, Alex Claremont-Diaz, in "Red, White & Royal Blue." The speech poignantly addresses the pain and violation of being forced out of the closet. Yet, here we are, facing a repetitive issue that disregards the very message that resonated with so many fans. It’s disheartening to see that some individuals in the fandom have missed the essence of that message entirely.

For me, it doesn’t matter whether Taylor is queer or not. What truly matters is his happiness and comfort. I want him to live his life on his own terms, without fear of being exposed or judged. His personal life should remain personal, and he deserves the same respect and privacy that we all do.

To share a personal anecdote from January 2024. I came across an old video posted by Taylor’s sister, Maria. In the video, Taylor was wearing what appeared to be a wedding ring. While some fans might have jumped to conclusions, I didn't think much of it, however, I did share some of my feelings and thoughts to some people through Twitter DMs. To me, all that mattered was that he seemed happy. His well-being is what’s truly important, not the details of his personal relationships.

Taylor owes us nothing beyond his projects and the work he shares with the world. We should respect his boundaries and allow him to share what he wants, when he wants. It’s never okay to force someone to come out, especially not an actor who has chosen to keep certain aspects of their life private.

Personally, as a Scorpio empath, I find it impossible not to be deeply affected by such invasions of privacy. Every time this issue comes up, it infuriates me. It's not just about respecting Taylor; it’s about recognizing the basic human right to privacy and autonomy. The protective energy I have for Taylor make every issue against him extra emotional for me. Sometimes, it makes me want to cry because I feel the unfairness of the situation.

To the fans who think it's acceptable to pry into someone’s personal life, I beg you to reconsider. Think about how you would feel if your privacy were invaded in such a way. Celebrities are people too, and they deserve the same respect and consideration that we all do.

To Taylor, if you ever read this, please know that there are countless fans who support you unconditionally. We admire you not only for your talent but also for your strength and authenticity. We stand with you, respecting your right to privacy and autonomy.

Let’s create a fandom that upholds these values, where we celebrate our favorite stars without crossing the lines of decency and respect. We can love and support Taylor without needing to know every detail of his personal life. Let’s focus on the incredible work he does and the joy he brings us, and let’s stand against those who seek to invade his privacy.

To wrap it up, it's never acceptable to force someone out of the closet. Respect Taylor’s privacy, celebrate his work, and remember that at the end of the day, his happiness and comfort are what truly matter. Let’s be better fans and better people by showing empathy and respect for all.

Peace!