#you probably shouldn't say it at all
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Not-so-gentle reminder of things to think about before harassing someone over their opinion on a piece of media:
These are fictional characters who don’t know you exist and do not need you to be their knights in shining armor bullying the people who don’t kiss their asses.
These are fictional characters making fictional choices and one person’s love, criticism, or ambivalence toward them does not define their own personal morals and worldviews.
You are as entitled to your positive opinions as someone else is to their negative ones, and when you say “you just didn’t understand” how you’re coming across is “you didn’t draw the exact same conclusions I did, thus you are wrong” which is just not how media literacy works.
You are not the creator and the lines you draw and patterns you see (positive or negative) in a work of fiction are not objectively correct. They're your interpretation and we all interpret things differently.
You have no idea what is happening behind any given post you see and especially in fandom, people post impulsively a lot. If someone’s on here ripping a character you love apart, telling them they’re an awful person for doing so isn’t going to change their mind, and there’s a good chance the character they’re hating on is not the root cause of why they’re upset. That character may represent something very real in their own lives that you’ll never know about.
Thus, someone attacking a fictional character who does not know they exist and isn't real because they're having a bad day or are in a mood or simply don't like them is a whole different ballgame than seeing that post and attacking a very real person with thoughts and feelings because you are having a bad day or are in a mood.
I’ll rip a character or a story apart on here, but I’ll never attack the people who like them on here, and I’d implore more people to understand that “I don’t like X” does not mean “I don’t like that you like X” and it does not mean "I don't like X and don't like this piece of you that you see in X either".
If you don’t have something nice to say to somebody… don’t say it? Block and scroll on.
#media literacy#fandom#anti harassment#fandom discourse#please don't harass people#your favorite character would not be proud of the nasty things you say to people in their defense#and if you wouldn't say it to someone's face#you probably shouldn't say it at all
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one thing that's missing from these convos about amc not submitting assad zaman for a golden globes nom that makes it 10x more malicious on amc's part is that a nomination isn't just like oh... ~simple appreciation for an actor's performance. even if there's no win, it results in a profile boost for these actors & them being able to command a higher salary when it comes to future projects. it's something that gets notice on their CV. these studios and networks love being able to market their shit with things like "starring golden globe nominee john doe" or "emmy winner jane doe." the emmys are more prestigious than the golden globes which are more prestigious than the critics choice awards (the one they submitted him for with two other actors lol). actors get nominated and have the opportunity to get attention from social media posts, article mentions, attending the red carpet, having their name announced and a little clip of their acting shown. that's not nothing! attention from possible new fans, publications, execs, peers, producers, directors, fashion houses & other industries which could lead to $$$ and sponsorships. I won't make any presumptions about the cast's finances but I do know amc is probably not paying them their worth, least of all the bangladeshi muslim who barely had any major roles in tv/film prior to the show.
there are fees and costs associated with submitting for awards consideration and FYC ads. the network basically took a look at assad's brown skin and name and said they don't think he's worth the money over the white actor who had less screentime and narrative importance (to the season ig) which is absolutely crazy lmao. it shouldn't be controversial to say that and you can't not discuss this without bringing up sam's name. this has nothing to do with whether he "deserved" to be submitted (and even if I said he doesn't deserve it over assad who's gonna beat my ass?). this white man isn't being persecuted by conversations about blatant racism. but I'd expect nothing less from this fanbase x.
#assad zaman#i don't go here much bc this show's fandom sucks ass lmao#like yeah the show/actors probably aren't getting nominated but on the off chance they do??#amc count your days#them submitting assad for less-known-and-less-expensive-to-campaign-for CCA alongside two white actors means nothing#what it really boils down to is a global flareup of islamophobia like another reblog stated#the worst thing is watching this fandom woobify sam#& twist the words of anyone discussing it to act like shots are being taken at jacob/delainey by every single person#who says assad is experiencing a different kind of racism or any racism at all.#not to say those ppl don't exist and shouldn't be called out#but you can just tell these crusaders are painting everyone with a broad brush to stymie any criticism of amc & sam's submission.#assad experiences a different kind of racism bc he isn't black & doesn't experience the antiblack racism that jacob/delainey do#that's not an opinion or playing oppression olympics it's just a fact.#I have to read the most racist antiblack shit imaginable about jacob and delainey constantly as a bw#only for these people to throw their names around for cover & act like amc is the most moral anti-racist network for submitting them.#meanwhile a random person wouldn't even know how prominent the issue of race is within the show#with the way amc promotes it and actively prevents any discussion of race in interviews and panels.#every day fanart and posts of that decrepit white man plowing armand's delicate ass will do numbers#every day they'll bring up sam gifting assad some cheap suspenders#but crickets about any discussion of racism from those people.#can't even say shit about a white man not being deserving of something the network decided can only go to one person.#white ppl & their feelings have to be centered every fucking time even when unfair treatment is happening to their marginalized coworkers.#and now the prevailing narrative is ppl being mean to their poor meow meow sam :(#which ofc it is lmao
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Are Portal Au Dipper and Bill going to "marry" eventually or are they going to be stuck at the boyfriend phase forever? Not that it makes that big of a difference but it's still interesting to know. If they do marry, is it an accident or on purpose?
They might! It's totally possible for them both to be perfectly happy being long-term boyfriends.
But if a marriage thing happens, it's gonna be on purpose.
And it would have to be Bill who proposes.
Dipper, as a human, would think of it first - socialization and all - but he wouldn't mention a Really Big Step forward that, in his mind, isn't something demons do. He's still on shaky ground when it comes to the whole 'does he really like me though' thing! As far as he knows, Bill could be confused by the very concept! Or disgusted, or disinterested, laugh at him for being such an idiot. Or worse, do it just to placate Dipper. Not because he wanted to. Just to shut his human up. No matter how interesting the idea sounds, it's clearly off the table.
Catch this man giving longing glances at the rings on someone else's hand, and telling himself he doesn't want that. He can't want that. He's got a great thing going. Everything's better than he imagined already, he should - Just be happy with what he has, damn it.
#answers#The idea of marriage will literally not cross Bill's mind for years#Probably not a decade but definitely years#He's simply never considered himself and being hitched in the same idea since he was a tiny triangle#And still thought that kissing was gross and that EVERYONE had to get married one day#Once he learned that wasn't true he tossed the whole idea out the window#But when/if he starts thinking of himself. And this human. Together. Dipper wearing something that says he's HIS and that Bill's his too-#It's gonna be one HELL of a shock#Bill's gonna need some time to process. And also SCHEME.#'Cause if there's one thing Bill Cipher does it's go after what he thinks is a good idea and never ever stops#Dipper is oblivious but at least THIS time it'll be a good surprise#In the theoretical crossover between Portal and Familiar AUs#Portal Bill starts off all arrogant about being able to use multiple powers in reality#Up until Familiar Bill starts with the psychological warfare#Starting with 'so when you gonna pop the question?'#Truly a misstep by Portal Bill. Shouldn't have messed with your alternate self#Familiar Bill may be slightly 'tamed' but that steadier emotional center only makes him more dangerous
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idk someone about bones or whatever
#should've just yoinked someone else's design and reference them#i feel like im drawing bloodhound/velahound/octane/omen/kayo/shaxx/kaiser all at the same time#i basically just look at a body part and see what my brain has for it and slap it on#probably the worst you can go for character design#doesn't have a lot of bones because i can't come up with any original design and i don't wanna actually search for any reference for ideas#oh well. i literally came up with this only when i need to draw his lineart for yesterday's comic so not exactly surprising#i love capes and mysterious hooded pure black shadowed head so not even gonna design a helmet for him#also solves the bone plug issue because for the love of void i can't even understand half of what ordan is saying#that's the consequence of giving all your skill points on mathy stuff and none on literature#i mean i guess the bone plugs are somewhere at or above the neck??? so it's gonna be covered up anyways#im probably gonna go for roughly this design for ordan karris for now#i feel like i shouldn't even let him talk because any dialogues i come up with ruins his image#but idk. how many cool and stern characters' image have i ruined up until this point? yeah definitely not the first time#warframe#warframe ordan karris#my art
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text (from the interview tamsyn did with tumblr):
I find all ships intriguing. I’ve spent too long in these mines. No ship is too problematic or cracky for me. My only hope is to out-fandom fandom by presenting them with ships more problematic and crack-filled than they do (I will not; fandom always wins). In these tiresome days where ship wars have been taking on airs, as is my understanding, of virtue versus sin (I don’t even know what Bakudeku is and yet I feel sorry for anyone who ships it; I didn’t ship Reylo because it wasn’t messed-up enough and feel the same), I hope the Locked Tomb fandom is just accepting that all shipping is batshit and every ship is just as bad as the next. Gideon x Harrow is just as bad as Teacher x Crux is as bad as Hot Sauce x Cytherea the First is as bad as Camilla x Juno Zeta is as bad as Silas x Every Asht Brother (actually, I wrote the Asht brothers in an unrelated piece that’ll never see the light of day and imo they’ve suffered enough, but).
some of you should hear this again.
edit: i'm a campal, good lord, please be nice & polite abt campals on THIS post too. thank you very much.
#the locked tomb#quinn txt#gideon the ninth#why can't we all just play nicely together#anyway - if you want to go after campal shippers for being 'problematic' and say BUT TAMSYN SAID - you probably shouldn't be in this fandom#tlt fandom is for freaks & weirdos primarily#it's not a Fluffy Romance or an unproblematic story in general; this IS tlt#there's no tlt But With Problematic Content. the Problematic Content *is* tlt.
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of course sending csam fics to people, or making death threats, or sending anon hate is bad. that goes without saying and any reasonable person thinks so.
i just also happen to thinking accusing large swaths of fandom of queer/bi/homophobia for a difference of opinion about a ship or a character is also bad, while you've convinced yourself that every single time you've done it it's a morally correct position, patted yourself on the back and called it a day.
#and before you @ me i'm not saying these are all equal#anyway i probably shouldn't bother posting this since i have blocked or been blocked by most everyone it would apply to lol#but i just had to get this off my chest#now i'm done and i'm going to try my best not to think about any of this bullshit anymore#fandom discourse
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Fun fact: In the original pitch for Stranger Things, El had a little brother.
After being rejected by almost 20 studios for the Montauk pilot, the Duffers were finally green-lit by Netflix. It was at this time that they began casting and then writing the first season officially, which included reworking a lot of that first episode.
This led to the removal of the brother reference, and with it, removing any sort of arc El could have had about her apparent brother.
But the thing about this moment, is that it might not have been scrapped entirely...
Going into the final season, no one can explain why or how El recognized Will back in 1x02. And while there are plenty of things on the show that are left unexplained, with a small portion likely left that way with the intention to uncover it later, what sets this moment apart from the rest is that there are very few possibilities here.
Because for starters, the story presents El's ability to see people in the void in s1 as requiring either a picture of that person for reference, or having met that person before.
But when El see's this picture of Will, she's never met him before. Or maybe she has, but we wouldn't know because they never showed us. They could have just not done this scene at all, given that it's clearly a copy/paste/edit of something scrapped from the pitch. Or they could have even still included it, but explained it.
One explanation could be that the lab had shown El a picture of Will before, similar to what they did with the Russian agent they wanted to spy on. But then that begs to question, why would the lab show El a picture of Will? Why would they want to see what he was doing? That alone is incriminating in and of itself, implying that Will is more connected to the lab than we realize.
The only other, and frankly most likely explanation, would be that El stumbled across Will at some point on her journey between escaping the lab and Will going missing. This is actually something that happens in The Other Side comic, which explores all the things Will may have experienced during his time in the Upside Down.
Though it’s worth noting the comics aren’t technically canon, and I highly doubt they would outright spoil everything in relation to Will’s time there, years before it was intended to be revealed. But still, let's humor this for a moment given that I do think Will's time in the UD is going to be very relevant in s5, which means it's highly likely they will finally address how exactly El saw him.
Basically, in the comic, Will see’s El walking through the woods, almost apparition like, glowing as she passes by, while also sporting the Benny’s burgers shirt. This means they would have crossed passed within a short span of time, between when El escaped Benny’s when the agents arrived, but before she was found by the boys.
Though it’s worth noting that we’re seeing this all from Will’s perspective. This means from the UD, Will was capable of seeing El on the other side, despite them being on different sides. And not only that, but she also looks back at him.
What confuses me about this, is that it doesn’t make sense for El to be in the woods, only to randomly decide to pop in to the void for a moment. She was trying to escape the lab and everything that came with it. I doubt she had any desire to lurk back there for some reason, not until someone encouraged her to. Not to mention, it would make no sense for her to go there and see Will if she wasn't even looking for him in the first place. And so this would mean Will and El could see each other, with Will being in the UD, and El being on the other side.
While it does seem pretty far off, given that you would think Will and El wouldn't be able to see each other from different sides, it is true in the story that El not only recognizes Will, but knows that he is in danger. She mentions that he is hiding specifically.
Which means she has likely seen him within the last 24 hours regardless.
This, in combination with Will being able to respond to El in the void at the end of the season in Castle Byers, when no one else outside of Terry and flayed-Billy have been able to, seems to imply that there is indeed something special about Will that makes him capable of communicating with El from the UD. Not only that, but El also seems to have an ability to be in this constant knowing state of how Will is doing, without even checking again to confirm. She's just certain of it. And she seems terrified about it.
Going forward, El never uses a picture of Will to find him. She never did. And more often than not, they don’t show us what she see’s either, not until the very end. And that’s the moment they reveal that he was able to communicate with her.
Again, there was really no reason to have El recognize Will. If anything it complicates things. But the fact that they chose to introduce this concept, with a scene from the original pitch that was related to El’s younger brother, with her pointing at his name cryptically, startling Benny, only to revamp it and have El not say anything at all while pointing at the picture of Will, startling Mike… It just really makes you stop and think.
Which brings me to the other aspect of this that might have people doubting, which is that El’s brother was originally younger than her.
We know Will is not younger than El, so how could this apply to him?
Well, it might be helpful to consider that in the original script, El was actually 10 years old, while the boys were always 12. Meaning that for some reason, they decided to age her up to the age of the boys, aka the same age as Will…
Ever since @erikiara80 shared this brother discovery with me, I have been sort of reeling. It then led to other little discoveries of changes they made between Montauk and Stranger Things.
It’s important to understand that the Montauk bible and the original script precedes what we ended up with in the final product, with it finally changing and evolving months, maybe even a year since that original vision. Even casting occurred before writing started for the first season. We know this because casting announcements were made in June and August of 2015, with writing not starting until August going into early 2016, simultaneously while they were filming.
And believe it or not, what I've discovered is that a lot of the changes they made between their original plans and what we see in the final product, have to do with not only Willel, but also Byler.
If you've read the original script for Montauk, you'll know that Mike's crush on Jennifer Hayes was focused on right from the jump, along with the birthmark on his face being focused on, which was the main cause of the bullying he experienced.
This has actually been talked about recently, and some of the claims people make do fit with what I am genuinely starting to consider here, which is that the initial plan for what makes Mike an outcast shifted.
I think when they completed casting, and started actually deep diving into what they wanted this world to look like, both from a short-term and long-term standpoint, they were presented with some pretty interesting discoveries, arguably already hiding in their initial plans without realizing it.
And this is where it sort of becomes a 'chicken or the egg' situation. Because which one came first? Byler or Willel?
I can't say for certain, because obviously this is all just speculation. But in the case that Willel came first, I think Byler would come very naturally after that.
The Duffers themselves are twins. Then they hire Noah, who is a twin. Then they're thinking and planning for El's past and how her family all fits into this, and they're thinking... wait a damn minute... We could totally Star Wars this bitch!
And then when they think it couldn't get any better, they uncover another layer that they hadn't planned or really considered in their initial plans.
While Will was always going to have sexual identity issues according to the Montauk bible, meaning that the writing process for him likely involved sitting down imagining scenarios that encapsulated this arc for Will from the beginning, they were simultaneously now finding very interesting aspects of Mike's character that made it hard not to at least consider the possiblity that Mike is not exactly straight.
Just think about it. The Byers and Wheelers are basically polar opposites on the spectrum of what a family looks like. While Will's discovery and acceptance of his queerness is interesting to explore because he comes from a low-income, single-mom household, all while having been bullied for years based on his perceived queerness, he also has a mother and brother constantly reinforcing that they will accept him no matter what. They've been sort of hitting us over the head with it for years, and so it wouldn't be very satisfying for his entire arc to merely lead up to something we've known all along. It's pretty much a given at this point.
On the other side of the spectrum, Mike comes from a more upper-middle class family at the end of a cul-de-sac, more aligned with what a nuclear family looks like. Mike's family is also presented as being more conservative, and while Karen does give that very queer-coded speech to Mike in s1 (I'm convinced they only wrote this after deciding to explore queer-coding more heavily with Mike), it also comes with comments from Ted and even still Karen that hint that they are probably not as open-minded and accepting as Will's family is to him. Which means Mike's arc would be a lot more about acceptance around him from his loved ones who we have been led to believe might not be as accepting of his queerness in contrast to Will.
And so as they're putting this story together, and they're being presented with something very interesting. Two similar experiences that play out in different ways because of the characters circumstances.
Will goes missing, and his twin sister with a buzzcut pops up and has the ability to help them find Will.
This leads to several moments where El is being compared to as not only a boy, but Will as well.
Now suddenly, their initial plans to have Mike's arc be about having a girl be interested in him and to hopefully have his first kiss and feel like less of a loser, starts to look a lot like what the experience a queer kid in his position might encounter growing up in the environment that he did.
And if you don't want to take my word for it, just hear the Duffer's themselves hinting at what they initially planned for Mike and the fact that it changed.
The changes don't stop there.
Believe it or not, 'It was a seven', did not exist in the initial pitch. When the boys went outside bickering over Nancy, they leave right after that.
Another thing that changed from the first script, was Scott Clarke's introduction:
And so you might be thinking, who cares? What does that have to do with anything?
Well, it's interesting because the line we end up with on the show is arguably one of the most on the nose Twelvegate proofs to date. Mind you, this is from the first episode:
Why chuck the original version, which was arguably more interesting and fascinating in terms of it hinting at the mysteriousness surrounding this story, only to replace it with him listing off tips about their upcoming test?
Well, I think it's the irony of it all. Here Mr. Clarke is practically telling us where to look to figure stuff out for ourselves what is going on, with all the kids filing out and ignoring him...
I relate to Scott a litttle too much in this shot here, any time I try to drop Willel evidence.
And the changes go on, as they obviously would.
Things like Terry Ives not even being El's mom, but actually a man who more so aligns with the characterization of Murray.
And one very interesting one I almost overlooked was in Hopper's introduction, where instead of a kids drawing done by who we assume to be Sarah, we actually see a picture on the wall of him and his wife and daughter... Interesting that they decided to switch it something that is a lot less definitive in presenting what Hopper's past looked like...
If you've made it this far, congratulations.
If you still think I'm out of my mind, just remember that El was going to have a brother in the original script, but they scrapped the scene and gave a near identical one to introduce her connection to Will instead 😘
#byler#stranger things#willel twins#twelvegate#montauk#as you can see#i am out of my mind#and i'm okay with that#i've spent the last couple months trying to make a video going over all the willel twin evidence#and i can't decide if it's even possible to do without going over an hour#like there is just so much shit that fits too perfectly into this family being ripped apart by mind control and time shenanigans#i hope to have it done soon#trying to make it less than 20 minutes#but it's probably going to end up being closer to an hour#especially with this stuff from the montauk pitch being added to the mix now#anyways#willel and byler are the curtain behind the curtain#if you are open to one of them#you are bound to stumble across the other#and they don't want that to happen#stay tuned for the inevitable twin imagery to continue in s5 related to willel leading up to the big reveal#bc it's arguably the most consistent thing about this damn show#and tbh this all just makes the queer-coding for mike in s1 a lot more concrete to me#them exploring will's queerness through his dad's expectations for him to do more 'manly' things like play baseball#and jonathan saying he shouldn't like things just bc people telll him he's supposed to#how they connect that narratively with the boys being at a baseball field when mike's being pressured about his supposed feelings for el#with the bullies showing up and literally being homophobic seconds later#the fact that jennifer hayes did in fact exist in the original pilot and was the girl mike had a crush on#only for them to scrap that and just make it about her having a crush on will...#never once introducing this idea of mike liking her...
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Yanqing and Yunli Appreciation Post
Keep Reading cut due to 2.4 spoilers~ (also relatively long-ish post)
These two bounce off each other so well! As a writer, it feels so satisfying to see their characters shine through the quest and the event in the way their interactions highlight them. So I'm gonna use this space to ramble about it!
My previous post pretty much talked about it already, but Yanqing!!! My son!!! I was quite worried that any potential arc for him would be shoved down the road or to the side due to the scale HSR has, but the game's been actually holding up to his ongoing arc. As a result, at least to me, he's come through as one of the best written/developed characters on the Xianzhou so far.
The nature of the length of the updates lets what we get in previous quests settle in for a long while, and considering the mentioned of flow of time in-game, Yanqing's had the time to think and develop as a person. The fact that so many players have had their view and opinion of him finally turn around in this quest is a testament to that. We get to see more facets of him, as in, doing his job and the responsibilities of doing so, and how his insecurities are mentioned in a main quest for all to see. He's constantly referencing others and his past encounters. You can tell that Jing Yuan raised him with his manner and approach to things, which is highlighted by the contrast to Yunli (will get to that soon).
His position as a child soldier has made him mature faster, be quiet even when he's been wronged (filial piety/saving face (aka thank you person on Reddit who makes the banger character Yanqing (and other characters in general) appreciation posts)), take a step back and have to be able to read the room (though, reasonably, he doesn't catch on all the time), and much, much more. The fact that other official content has described him as being more worried about diplomacy and all that. He doesn't have the luxury to be as carefree or brash for someone his age.
There's a lot to unpack there still, even with the development he's had now and that's good! If the Hoyo writing team was wild enough, it'd be cool to see them address the grayness of his role and Jing Yuan's mindset in raising him as he did (We love Dad-Yuan and he loves his son dearly no question, but it'd be so interesting to explore his flaws/mistakes in this perspective!).
Now onto Yunli.
I'm saying straight off the bat, I'm irritated by her!
And that's a good thing!
Her being annoying or bratty or irritating doesn't automatically make her a badly written character! She only would become one if they don't do anything with her, and HSR most probably will, and she should be given the same room to develop in her own arc.
She acts like her age, and she doesn't have the same pressures as Yanqing does. Just like how you can see Jing Yuan in Yanqing, you can see Huaiyan in Yunli, if anything he says is to go by. She's tempremental and outspoken to a fault, and based on the way how quickly Huaiyan relented when she talked back, you can tell that Huaiyan isn't as strict/stern with her to give her a sense of being humble.
I had this thought that she's technically what the general fandom viewed Yanqing as initially, and I'm not saying that as a 100% thing, by the way. But like by some traits and the vibes. She, of course, has a lot more nuance that will be explored at one point or another.
But back on topic, she's a foil. They represent two different approaches and lifestyles and can clearly learn from each other. Her inconsideration of the fact that she's on the Luofu but enforcing Zhuming practices (which I noticed people were upset by, and same; which I imagine is the point), her bluntness to no matter who she's talking to—there's a lot to work with here.
Just like with their swordplay, Yanqing could learn from her mental strength while Yunli can learn from his focused speed and defense. He can learn to regain a more firm grasp of his recently found purpose while she can learn to mature and take in her surroundings and be more thoughtful in that front.
Another interesting note is that where we are with Yanqing currently is in the middle of his arc, we've had the time to see him take a long route of struggle to get to this point, exacerbated by irl players views of him. He's in the middle of his growth and we've had since 1.0 to get to know him. But with Yunli, she was introduced very recently, so we're technically at the "beginning" of her character arc. In a way, Yunli now highlights how far Yanqing has come and changed, and in a way Yanqing now is a potential show for the arc that Yunli can have (not being the exact same as him of course).
I think the idea with these two is that they develop to be more balanced. Balance is such an important thing, especially in Chinese culture (Daoism (Yin-Yang), etc.), and 2.4 has shown how much potential they have to make for amazing character arcs.
It's cool that while they have such similar base traits, they're so different from each other. Calling Yunli a female Yanqing or Yanqing a male Yunli is simply outright incorrect. Their backgrounds, upbringings, ideals, swordstyles, perspectives, and positions in life are so distinct. I'm looking forward to their futures!
#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr yanqing#hsr yunli#character appreciation#character analysis#despite writing all of that i still feel like i haven't encapsualted fully what i wanted to say esp about yanqing#for yunli i want more time with her character to see where they take her character#i'd assume that they'd give her the same amount of effort as they did yanqing cause it'd be a shame if she remained static which might be#fine superficially since it'd be a cool contrast to yanqing's constant directly visible changing but on a deeper level#yunli a year from now shouldn't be the exact same as she is currently and if she somehow is#that'd be the worst case scenario writing-wise and I trust Hoyo enough to not do that#but if they somehow do then you know what essay I'm writing that day lol#not liking yunli is fine as is not liking yanqing is fine too but I hope she doesn't get treated like Yanqing til her development arc#tho she probably won't which also says a lot if that turns out to be the case#but i'm already making these tags way too long and my brain is very small LOL#struggling jpg thinks
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Went to the doctor just for a check up and he basically just told me "your body just processes sugar very well! :) :) :) It's a good thing! :) :) :) It can't possibly be the source of your symptoms even though eating fixes it :) :) :)" But there was also a moment when talking about my iron deficiency that is possibly one of the funniest things a doctor has ever said to me, up with the cardiologist who said "you're a medical mystery": He was going over my blood test results, and said "Your iron levels haven't gone up at all, they are still extremely low, but you're not anemic anymore" And I was like how am I not anemic anymore??? And he said "Your hemoglobin levels have gone up...somehow..." while frowning at the blood test results on his computer. It was very "somehow, palpatine has returned" lol
#the person behind the yarn#medical mention#food mention#he did at one point say the iron issue is probably an absorption issue#which. give this is either my third or my sixth absorption issue (depending on if you count electrolytes)#I'm not exactly surprised but I'm also not thrilled#at some point it stops being 'your body is very good at processing' and starts being#'your body just yeets all nutrients out of it!'#I am on two different medications to make me retain salt more#like. one that is 100% the entire reason I take that med#one that that's a side effect of that med strong enough they thought I shouldn't take both together#until they did bloodwork to check (and found it was appropriate to take both)#and I STILL need a RIDICULOUS amount of salt#and sometimes! even with two different meds and like four different kinds of salt pills! I straight up do not retain salt!#I get super dehydrated and cannot fix it for days!#and I am more tired of it than I perhaps realized#just real tired of doctors going 'your body is just so efficient at processing :) :) :)'#I am already doing all the low blood sugar things. smaller more frequent meals lots of protein lots of complex carbs#not looking for advice just wanted to share the 'somehow...your hemoglobin has gone up'#because I do genuinely find that really funny
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and I think child modelling should be illegal I'm not even joking
#I dodged it but like it truly felt like we were pigs raised to slaughter. slaughter being prostitution#every little detail I remember now as adult with basic child psychology education from my teacher background is just. how#I'm not brave enough to say 'jail to mother' (yet) but honestly...#what wrong could come from making a bunch of girls used to lying about their age ignoring being made uncomfortable and disrespected#especially by adults who can make all sorts of rules and claims on their bodies and schedules that are treated as secrets#I had the best experience possible and I am certain I did get pimps approaching me my mother and contractors#and even then I felt very weird that I was often sent to nightclubs that only allowed adults as clients but since I was there to get on#stage as work then I could get in and actually I got instructed to keep on 'vip areas' that typically had a lot more drugs circulating#the heels the clothing and makeup I got put on were also so wrong#I didn't hate it at the time some things made me uncomfortable but I liked dancing I liked fashion and I liked how the fact I was 'making#money' made me more respected in my house and I started getting more independence (that I probably shouldn't have been given either)#but ugh the existing photographs already make me want to throw up and I am glad there aren't photographs of the worse 'dance' jobs I did#very strange little universe#I also feel like I was the only girl that didn't have an eating disorder but mostly cuz I already had problems with alcohol that did the jo#but also I got in much older than the other girls and out pretty fast#crazy that 13 is old but like you genuinely hear of 6 year old who are responsible for a considerable portion of the household income#YIKES#the compliments I got on managing to look older and 'being so mature'. yikes#anything that allows a child to be the one making most of the family's income is a receipt for disaster#.txt
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I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions
(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)
#see also: george falling in love with his wife and paul routinely telling him he was easily replaceable#and yet ringo has nothing but warmth for either of these men#and of course I'm not saying we shouldn't appreciate how much patience and kindness that takes!#but also i guess it takes a certain lack of assertiveness or the ability to see/value your own emotions#and that's also something interesting to think about#speaking from experience here a lot of alcoholics want to be numb more than they want to be alive#and if ringo couldnt access his emotions it makes sense his only recourse would be to erase them#but i think for him it comes from isolation at a young age and a lack of emotional support#you need your caregivers to teach you what 'sad' is so you can then teach yourself what to do about it#or you may start to cope with that constant feeling of unease and dissatisfaction (that you can never quite grasp) in destructive ways#also his mom started getting him falling down drunk when he was not even twelve years old so tbh the alcoholism was probably inevitable#anyways all this is just to say that the fact that he could absorb pretty much infinite distress CAN definitely be construed as a virtue#but tbh it might also be symptomatic of some painful shit that he needed/deserved help with#ringo starr#longer rambles
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words are hard. explaining is hard. remember that while reading
the amount of disabled people on thos website who make posts going against each other makes me so sad. there's too many posts of "such and such people/random person are talking over people like me and making us look/feel bad, but they're wrong and not suffering as much so need to shut up!" can we stop invalidating each other because you claim they're invalidating you by speaking about their struggles????? can we all support each other instead????? ableism within disabled community here is awful.
I get it. sometimes people say a thing and you think it takes away from you or makes you feel bad. but that doesn't mean they did it on purpose/everyone with their condition is doing it on purpose. doesn't mean they know you and your feelings. doesn't mean their feeling is invalid because it hurt yours! and if it's just a thing you saw on tiktok, don't blame entirety of people with the condition because one or two people on tiktok don't speak for everyone! (not everyone uses tiktok either so don't act like everyone is getting info from there)
it's so frustrating and disappointing! can't say anything on here without upsetting and offending another disabled person because many different or new reasons every day! like you didn't mention that they have it worse or say yourself isn't suffering as much. or you use a phrase or word thar helps you but another group gatekeeps it. or you're simply "talking over" people you don't even know that decided you don't suffer and struggle enough because they "have it worse" and want you to talk about THEM and not just yourself. on your own blog. but somehow know to mention them and advicate for them so they don't have to or something???? is confusing.
words are hard. hard to explain this!!! but is frustrating and upsetting to see many disabled people here targeting each other more than ableds. example there's many posts of physical disabled vs ND, acting like being ND can't be disability. do you want to borrow my brain and see if it disables you more????? sometimes see opposite where ND is harder than physical disability. do you want to borrow my body and see if you can live easily??? see many physical disabled vs other physical disabled, example "cane user can't complain because I need wheelchair!" type things. or ND vs ND "I have more ND than you because I cant do *thing* alone but you can so you can't complain about struggling because you're talking over my bigger struggles"
I GET IT. everyone wants to feel valid and not feel talked over and all that stuffs. but stop fighting each other!!!!! stop invalidating each other because you feel invalidated/assume they are trying to invalidate you. is nothing but invalidating loop!!!! stop assuming everyone must talk about you and your struggle before their own because you think their voice shared means yours is blocked. stop having disability "Olympics" in which you jump through metaphoric hoops to prove you're more disabled and deserve most attention and more voice and everyone below is taking that away! learn how to support each other because we know ableds don't like supporting us!!!!!! we all suffer and struggle. why act like fellow disableds don't or arent allowed!! 😭😭😭😭😭 this is for both people that use tiktok to do "quirky" stuff or are able to push through struggles and want to act like everyone can too. and people with higher support needs that think lesser needs have super easy life and talk over them if they make post about their struggles. I see both!!!! a lot!!
never see anyone talk about ableism within disabled community and how it is bad for all of us!!!! but sure see lot of.......
I know. i'm bad at words. dont try to misunderstanding and attack and be mad at me! if you experience real problem with this you are valid in your feel. you can feel! but maybe don't do generalizing and invalidate all because one person or a few or tiktok did or said things you don't like. that make sense???
#disabled#disability#disability problems#neurodivergent#maybe shouldn't tag this. dont think we ready for this discussion. someone wil misread and yell at me probably#too burnt out to deal with you. will probably ignore!!!! yell at brick wall. sorry. cant argue#lee rants#words are hard#also with amount of tiktok complaints maybe everyone needs break from there or stop using? 😅 idk i dont use it#but yeah. feel like someone with valid problem will think i said you cant feel upset. not what i said!#only saying dont make generalizing post you were personally attacked by entirety of group of people and decided they are all invalid now#all because 1 or 2 people or a tiktok video or something. dont tell random individuals they are invalid because you feel invalid!#so hard to explain!!!!!! not sure if doing it right. but no ones allowed to yell at me if i did word bad!! please 😭 i will cry#but when will we admit disabled community has much ableism???
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ugh. some thoughts.
really been trying to find the joy in drawing/writing again and honestly it's been such a challenge. friends have told me it's most likely depression that's making it hard to feel motivated and tbh they're probably right.
hoping to get back into being creative in the way I Want to be at some point tho. I miss it. there's still so much with my stories and characters that I haven't been able to share or explain and I wish I knew how without it feeling like this daunting, impossible task.
I don't know when I'll get around to actually sharing art again (or writing, if ever). was hoping that I'd manage to get some of my mental and physical issues in check recently for just long enough to get back into the swing of being creative, but that hasn't seemed to work. everything feels bad, both artistically and physically. I'm struggling to keep up with the frantic pace at which my brain comes up with story concepts and intriguing character interactions, even tho everything in me wishes I could turn it into tangible artistic expression so I can get it out of my head and share it. it used to be easy. I don't know why it's not now.
I'm just . tired, I guess.
#spectre says#text post#negative#vent post#delete later#sorry#i probably shouldn't post this idk#tbh i know i've said this a million times but. even if i'm struggling to draw or whatever#i'm still open for asks. i want so badly to talk about my characters and the things i've been unable to explain through art#but i can't get my own thoughts together enough to know where to start with that in like. just a random post#and asks would be a great way for me to actually focus on one concept at a time based on whatever you guys are curious about#but i hate sounding like i'm begging for attention/interaction i just. genuinely don't know if anyone is interested otherwise#and if you guys do want to know more you HAVE to tell me directly#because vague forms of engagement are difficult for me to comprehend or read between the lines of#i can't read minds obviously ><;;#i know ask culture has changed a lot over the years tho and a lot of ppl don't like sending them out of being shy or whatever#which i understand#it's kind of an awkward form of engagement that no other site really has#so no pressure i'm just letting you know that I won't know if any of you guys are interested in learning more about my stuff#if i'm not told directly is all#anyway. tangent aside#its just been rough mentally my dudes. hopefully things clear up at some point and i won't feel so dead all the time#and actually have the mental clarity to continue drawing/writing like i used to again;;; God willing;;
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It's so strange that some people can perfectly grasp the concept of;
"There are situations in which it is much safer for a trans woman to self-closet/self-degender/self-misgender in order to achieve safety and not become a vicitim of transphobia. Although she does not wish to be perceived as a man, she must do so in these cases to avoid violence or other negative consequences. She is not doing so through some innate desire to be both a woman and maintain male privlege, it is simply for safety."
AND
"A trans woman can indeed be butch/masc without it being a degendering/self-misgendering thing. To say otherwise is transmisogynistic. No woman, trans or otherwise, owes anyone a strict conformity to femininity in order to maintain their womanhood."
AND
"A trans woman revealing she is trans even if she passes, in order to talk about trans issues, represent trans people, or because she is simply not ashamed (nor should she be) and is proud of her transness is not at fault for any transphobia she receives because of this. She is not obligated to live in stealth."
But at the same time also believe that;
"Trans men who aren't living in stealth are inviting transphobia onto themselves in order to be victims but at the same time have male privilege. They are lording their femalehood over trans women every time they talk about being born/living as a woman or how misogyny affects them because of that. Trans men could just not be feminine and that would solve their issues, they should conform to masculine stereotypes (which I will then call them toxic for) which is actually super easy for every single AFAB out there. Trans men who self-degender/self-misgender in order to be safe in situations where being trans poses the risk of violence or worse have a degendering/misgendering fetish."
#trans#transphobia#I've only ever heard this from cis people or clear radqueers btw#Most trans women that aren't radical I know have a perfect grasp that the first statements are true of all trans people#Probably because they touch grass once in a while#So yeah this is not aimed at trans women unless you happen to be a trans woman who says this shit#I feel like I shouldn't have to add a comment disclaimer nobody will read but y'all love claiming transmisogny where it ain't#Starting to think y'all wouldn't recognise actual transmisogny any more its so diluted in your mind
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Got accepted into an IOP. Had my first session already. I look forward to more.
#I am#Trying to get out of my hopeless mindset#I miss who I used to be fr#I miss my passions and joys and drive#I'm excited for nothing#I'm honestly nervous about my job#Because that means money#And money means I can buy things I probably shouldn't#All this to say#If you have any positive energy to spare please send some my way
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I always found it slightly awkward how media makes siblings or people who see each other as siblings call each other brother/sister all the time as in real life you almost never see people do that with their own siblings (maybe someone out there like that)
In the case of Arkham Shadows I see why they did though because Bruce quite literally tells Harvey he loves him and Harvey says it back. Can't have the audience think Batman is in love with the DA.
They had Bruce pay for his college, pay for his campaign, pay for his surgery, pay for his therapy and had Harvey have him as his best man at his wedding. Wow..... Sugar baby Harvey is real.....
The calling sibling title thing is less common in English than in some other languages for sure- me and a couple of my siblings do it on occasion, but it's for a bit then. More common is when I call one of my close family friends "my sister" or "my nephew" when talking about them to someone else because it's faster and easier to say that than to say "my friend who I've known since she was born and lived with for a few years and consider a little sister" or "child of a close family friend who considers me an aunt" to someone who doesn't know them. Which is a lot of words to say that if they wanted to fully sell me on the brothers thing they should have either had a different bit or should have referred to the other as "my brother" when talking to an unrelated character instead.
But "oh no we have to make Bruce not look gay" has been a problem DC has struggled with more than once for many decades and it basically never works so I guess at least they didn't try to solve it this time by having Bruce pick a lady love over Harvey or cutting the holding hands thing
Because I saw that scrapbook! I know Harvey has been Bruce's sugar baby since he was ten years old! But we can't have Bruce take Harvey's hand and call him the love of his life because ok technically that's Gotham but also because gay. And we can't have Bruce take Harvey's hand and call him his best friend because they're not ten anymore and somehow that seems gay also. So brothers it is, I guess. Even if I think my brothers would bite my finger if I ever tried to pay for everything for them on that scale, guess it's different at billionaire levels
#I'm actually simultaneously a believer in grew up like brothers and absolutely down bad romantically#(and harvey as a representation of Gotham itself as a love)#like an election in two (three) positions at once#but the point remains- you can't really fully cover the care by slapping a brother label on it like dc tries to to avoid it being too gay ig#which is very funny because did you see all the bi Tim and Dick stuff in Gotham Knights- but Robin has always had more freedom than Batman#in the 'can we let anyone think he's anything other than totally straight' department#anyway now I'm thinking about how on earth-3 all the characters get a morality flip#but Two Face/Three Face is the only one i can think of who gets a gender flip as well#as if 'oh if we had just originally conceived of Dent as a woman it would have been better (morally) because then it wouldn't have ended up#looking so gay'#but no they did not explore that thread because apparently uh having love interests in the joker and riddler was more important#which you'd think should reflect back on standard issue harv eddy and clown but uh. not really no they don't want to admit it#and i suppose 'well no three face wouldn't have a thing for owlman because he's technically not a version of Bruce he's a version of b's#brother'#but like then again. if Harvey is his brother. then shouldn't something have been used there to connect it#in any way at all#but no#instead I'm left with many thoughts about Harvey as a brother as a lover as a personification of gotham and as a woman but#i am still very sleepy rn so i don't know how many of those thoughts are coherent#but all that to say#YEAH SUGAR BABY HARVEY#guess it wouldn't be comforting for Harvey to shakily ask what he is#and Bruce to answer 'you're my companion who i turn to for affection in and give you obscene amounts of money in turn'#but like. it also wouldn't have been incorrect.#... though 'sugar baby harv as part of the representation of Gotham itself' probably has something to it too#but i digress I'm sleepy#pocket talks to people#anon#* i meant 'electron' not 'election' in that earlier tag
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