#you guys cant even deny it
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Imagine if Vaggie and Alastor bond together over their hatred of men.
There'd be a whole funny song about it, only for the final verse to be Alastor saying, "I've always felt like a woman anyway!"
The song would proceed to end due to Vaggie short-circuiting over what Alastor just said.
#ocean speaks#vaggie#alastor#yes#al will be a girl one day#sources: dude trust me#hazbin hotel#fem! alastor#transfem alastor#feminine! alastor#trans alastor#feminine alastor#you guys cant even deny it#it does sound like something alastor would say#like imagine vaggie just realizing one of the men she hates the most isnt even a man#also i have been a firm believer of this since al first became my blorbo#transfem! Alastor#hazbin headcanons#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor the radio demon#fem alastor
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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sometimes i think about how wild a mw2 movie would be if they just dropped soapghost right in the middle with no warning or marketing. like imagine it being beat for beat the exact same, it’s your typical military action movie, promoted as just another military action movie then after they get to the safe house, ghost has to patch up soap and he’s still out of it, overwhelmed by the betrayal and everything he’s seen and ghost needs to ground him and keep him in the present, to remind him that he’s alive and safe so he kisses him and they have sex. the tantrums and the rants and the “ReAl sOLdiErS aRen’t liKe ThAt”, god i can taste it and it’s delicious
#theres never any talk of a relationship or sexuality crisis its just this moment of humanity and comfort to bring soap back to himself#real any time you need me by thirteenbullets vibes#theyre not the type of men to have something as normal as a relationship#theyre just everything to each other they know that and its enough#ghost can be such a complex character if you let him#this guy whos rejected his humanity has buried himself and become a ghost#willingly digging himself out of the grave to stop soap from digging his own#like how are there not more explicitly homoerotic military movies that actually pull the trigger (heh) on the homo part of the eroticism#you know how if movies have even a hint of queerness they wring it out for every drop of respresentation they can get#theres a hundred articles and its mentioned in every interview and it all journalists ask those actors#imagine it being a complete secret and everyone expects just a typical action movie#then boom battle buddy gay sex#like if it were a male and fenale character you would see that scene coming a mile away so why cant it happen with two guys#just doing it is the only way of normalising it#i still see men saying they act like brothers which is denial so strong even egypt is impressed#but imagine the general public expecting this manly man military movie then getting hit with the alone mission flirting and denying it#then getting smacked in the face with tender wound care and grounding love making initiated by the edgelord they were using as a self inser#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#john soap mactavish#soap cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#cod mw2#we’re a team. ghost team
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i dont care where you live in the usa or w/e... if you dont vote for biden you are throwing away your vote and enabling trump. because *everyone* thinks their vote doesnt matter and piddles around because of that. hell, everyone thinks 'its only me, it wont make a difference' about THOUSANDS of things, like littering, picking seashells, taking stones from rivers, etc. and in all of those situations THEYRE FUCKING WRONG. if anything unites us, its our damn ability to think we alone are the outlier despite everything indicating otherwise.
and miss me with that 'biden is just as bad/is a murderer' shit. 1) cool, and how do you plan to change things in a mr. nazi-dictator trump world? how are you ACTIVELY making a difference? 2) CHANGE IS INCREMENTAL. the reason things suck so much is because the left keeps taking slow change as 'no change' and giving up before we can gain any momentum to make big change!
if you vote in hamas or w/e to protest... you might as well throw dirt at all those suffering innocent people. you arent saving palestine that way. that is not a helpful protest. you'll only enable trump to win by throwing away your vote. it is the one bit of actual power you have, so USE IT RIGHT! stop in-fighting for one moment! look at what is possible to achieve in reality! dreams arent fulfilled overnight!
when you feel like your vote doesnt matter, remember this - you have to try anyways
#ditto rambles#HOW MANY TIMES MUST WE REMIND YOU GUYS#LEFT HAS ABYSMAL TURNOUT#IF YOU WOULD ACTUALLY TAKE THE SMALL VICTORIES WE CAN ACHIEVE#INSTEAD OF THROWING THE GAME WHEN YOU CANT HAVE THD BIG CHANGE RIGHT OFF THE BAT#WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE ABLE TO START EVENING THR PLAYING FEILD#THE FUCKING GOVERNMENT IS SET UP TO WORK AGAINST US RIGHT NOW#BUT YOUR NOT HELPING IF YOU DO NOTHING OR THROW YOUR VOTE!#YES BIDEN FUCKING SUCKS YES THE PRESIDENTS NEVER DO ENOUGH#BUT IT CAN AND WILL GET WORSE IF YOU DONT RECOGNIZE THE LIMITATIONS BEFORE US#THERE IS *NO WORLD* WHERE TRUMP IS BETTER THAN BIDEN#IF YOU WASTE YOUR VOTE A PRESIDENT WILL STILL GET ELECTED!!!!#MAKE SURE ITS THE RIGHT ONE!!@!#WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTANZ????#DO YOU REALLY THINK WASTING YOUR ONE BIT OF REAL POWER HELPS PALISTINE AT ALL?????#YES THINGS SUCK WE ALL KNOW THAT#BUT YOU DONT GET THE BIG WIN WITHOUT TAKING WHAT SMALL VICTORIES YOU CAN!!!!#UNLESS YOU ARE ACTIVELY FIRE BOMBING WALMARTS AND STAGING PROTESTS#YOU DONT GET TO CLAIM VOTING IS USELESS!!!#BECAUSE IF THAT WAS TRUE THEN THEY WOULDN'T BE TRYING TO STOP US FROM VOTING#AND CONSIDER THIS - IF THE WIN IS TOO BIG TO DENY *THEY CANT FUCKING DENY IT* LIKE WITH CLINTON#THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE SUCKD ASS BUT WE DO ACTUALLY CONRTOL AND OUTNUMBER IT#ITS NEVER JUST YOU!!!! *NEVER*!!!!!!!#WE ARE NEVER ALONE IN OUR DECISIONS!!!!#SO USE THAT DAMN POWER!!!!#OUR VOICES CAN BE HEARD IF WE WORK TOGETHER FOR ONCE!!!!!!
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What are the psychosexual consequences of the twolves dominance right now
mmm.. i have been Chewing on this...
for quite some time .
so this is a thought i have always had tbh. These playoff results so far have just been bolstering my confidence in it.
Ant and Kat's love is loud love.
The Suns love is no love. Not that they dont have any love At All, because they do. But for each other? Im not so sure. The Suns is Men doing it all for the image of finally being champions so they can prove themselves to the people OUTSIDE their team.
The nuggets is domestic love. It's quiet, it's comfortable, it's won a championship, it's retired love. Retired does Not mean dead, it does not mean completely inactive, it means slower moving, at a personal pace, enjoying what you find to be the thing you wouldn't mind dying doing. Jokic and Jamal don't have to say they're in love 24/7 to let us know they're in love. Jokic doesn't have to talk about horses all the time to reporters for reporters to find out how much he actually does from him always going back to visit them. It's quiet, but it's so strong that it doesn't have to be anything but quiet to know
The mavs is a love built on respect. Wordless, they know they can depend on the other no matter what troubles the other may be dealing with or how much is happening, they Know someone will always be there to get the job done. They KNOW it's not a waste, whatever they're doing .
Kat Needs positive reinforcement, reminisces on it, dreams for it, grows restless and angered without it. Gets real self-conscious and starts faking everything to seem like he has everything so people can start treating him like he's not just some everybody in the world, but a SOMEbody in the world, someone whose opinions, thoughts, actions, and.. possibly most importantly.. WORDS will always be remembered as a meaningful contribution to the world.
Ant is a people pleaser. But he's not the meek, 'let your favorite teacher pronounce your name wrong until the grave' people pleaser where it can be pointed out as a problem, he's a Clever one. He's the kind of people pleaser who can step into a room and spotlight the targets that need the most self-value.. all so He can assure his Own self-value, and protect it. Because, ultimately, the phrase 'everybody loves Anthony edwards' is all about Anthony Edwards, which should be obvious, right? The answer's smack dab in front of your face, but the Confidence. The charisma of it all. Covers it. Conceals it just briefly, just enough for him to get away with it. Ant always knows what to say without even thinking twice. He's such a charmer. Except he's not. He's Always thinking, always brewing up the best ways to become a spectacle. Why even video himself saying that slur shit in the first place? Why not just keep that between him and his friend in the car like probably a good chunk other basketball players do ( because let's be honest. These are probably pretty straight men. They hate people like us. )
He can't. That wouldn't give him the best results in the kind of satisfaction he craves, which is all self based, when boiled down. He HAS to not only impress his one friend in the car with his in power teasing of others who don't even have a clue, he has to try and impress Everyone that he's included in his circle, and he just accidentally included the wrong crowd in that.
Ant and kat together are just two self-conscious people who like being together so they don't feel like they're two self-conscious people who like being together. Love can come in multiple forms, but, in my opinion, love oftentimes needs multiple forms to be at its strongest. When you pour all your love into one bucket, it leaves the others hollow. Love can be quiet, and it can be loud, it can be through words, through actions, through the easy times, AND the hard times, it is love.
I like to call Kat and ant the warped jaren and ja bcs unlike jaren and ja where it can all get spoiled from jaren saying something stupid like 'i love you' when they ARE in love and are just uncomfortable saying it, kat and ant NEED to say they're in love so they can feel like they aren't in it. It being Actual love, deep love that requires more than just pretty words and over-the-top compliments and sayings and comparisons and declarations. Actual love like ant going to kat's house and bringing the rest of the team because he knows kat misses having a stable family, hates the fact that something is missing and he'll never get it back.
Actual love like being awkward with each other
Which they Hate. Terribly. The two of them.
So they'll say how much they're in love with the other, how fondly they think about their memories, how they're so close. They'll tease and laugh and try to instruct the other. And the media laps it up, of course. Especially over the quiet love. It's just so boring in comparison.
Love is thrilling, and it is also boring. Like doing menial activities together like watching the news when you two could actually be the ones on it by doing something crazy together, but you don't, and you aren't, because you both agreed it's going to be a cozy day today where you'll both just be a cute pair of couch potatoes on a sofa watching TV together.
Ant and kat CANT be boring. They CANT just sit in that silence together. They have to say something. They have to know the other doesn't consider them a waste of their time because they don't have that same assurance in themselves.
Love is being scared.
Theyre not scared.
They can't Be scared.
Being down by 2 doesn't mean anything besides we'll bounce back. We're not scared about it. I played well, the shots just weren't falling, but i did good. We are doing good. We love each other. We swear.
We're not scared .
(TV loves confidence)
(Love loves fear)
#love is being terrified. petrified. of losing smthing permanently#whatever u do. it will never be enough to get back what u loved the most#im not saying theyre not in love. or they havent felt it#they are in it. they call each other family now and they have both felt a deep love for people they call family before#and they have both lost people that they love#ant & kat are like the im not like other girls powder puff ( girls football) player tomboy who used to make fun of girls wearing makeup wit#her asshole guy just friends cus im one of the guys friends (even tho the guys would criticize an 'ugly'/nonconventially attractive girl fo#not wearing it ten seconds later) falls for the dopey incredibly kind but thinks she's dumb bcs she's pretty and blond volleyball player#who always tags along with ant at bars so ant can ask guys if they wanna see them make out bcs they find it hot without knowing that kat#finds it hot too#& it turns out ants tomboy obsession with makeup is from her denying love of feminity on others#it's appealing. it's entertaining. it's everything u want to see blossom and grow#but. it takes TIME.#time that places like the ruthlessness of businesses might not always have no matter how captivating#if you are a waste then youre a waste#kat and ant cant stand waste. they cant stand the idea of all this acting like theyre in love (LOVE. love) is all for not#is all for not Actually being in love. just a big elaborate talked up grandiose excuse to say theyre not afraid to be in love#now THATS television!!!!#is it a sturdy relationship though? will something have to change to survive? will SomeBody (or somebodies) have to change? um.#cut the cameras.#deadass.#ted asks#ted longer#ant eds#katman#TY for this ask. i have been munching like a goat. uve probably forgotten abt this.. but i... i never forge-#im like an Elephant <-watched a replay of game 2 & thought it was an entirely different game
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Opening Facebook and immediately seeing a meme of somebody complaining about a femboy they brought home having AFAB genitals as if he could ever be blessed enough to be in that situation to begin with what a loser.
Each time I open Facebook and see bigotry like that it's just a massive weird fetishized fantasy with the mask of a joke over it.
Complaining about a situation that you fabricated in your head? The situation that you made up in your mind ? The one where you bought a femboy with a pussy home ? You know, inside of the same brain that you could have fabricated anything inside, could have thought about anything you wanted today, anything in the world, and you're telling me you chose to make up that situation instead? You are choosing to make a power fantasy. And it's super important to you to involve a trans FTM individual in this fantasy. But it's also super important to you to let others know that you are complaining about it, right? It's super important for everyone to know just how disgusted you are by us, right? Yet you just made that entire fucking power fantasy up. I don't know man sounds like a obsession to me 🤷♂️ but okay buddy keep telling yourself that you don't want a pussy on your femboy. Literally no one around you is convinced.
#also who takes a femboy home from the bar and DOESNT check with him to make sure they have a dick first ??????#you mean to tell me#you found someone fem presenting and then got mad when it was a boy with a pussy???? huh???#men will do anything but fuck a transwoman and admit they like women huh#if you want a woman with a dick just say that#bc thats not a femboy#a femboy is a guy that is fem and transmen are guys so die mad when we dress fem#same goes for transwomen !! let them be tomboys !!!#how trans people choose to present is none of ur biz die mad#fatty talks#rant???? maybe ????#idk its more of me going ' sure u don't want the situation u chose to fantasize to happen sureeeeeee'#reminder that bigots aint shit and even they cant deny how sexy we are#they are jealous of the queer love they deny themselves
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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Siri how do i stop the cycle without doing these bitchass tiny steps
#lamenting because i was so close to being normal and then i fucking lost it and gained nearly 100 lbs#and i cant get back to where i was i just ...... aaaaaaaaaaaaa#im so much more mentally fucked now so its harder#but thats all excuses right?#and then theres me being like am i even saying that bc i know its what people want to hear#or do i actually believe it? and is there even a difference if i know its true but i dont believe it?#does it even fucking matter just stop shoveling garbage in your mouth ffs#is the real answer here but I AM STRUGGLING#im looking into wls but i know if i dont get my emotional and bored eating under control that shit WILL NOT BE GOOD FOR ME#hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng#im just mad bc i have to fucking grocery shop#which always leads me to being pissed about this fuckass cycle#bitch call me mauville town the way i have cycles#god i can recognize the cycle which all tthe therapists will be like good on you!! :D and im like great. how do i break it#and then theyll say ten thousand small steps BITCH IM DYING I NEED DRASTIC CHANGE#BUT THEN IT WONT STICK AND ILL REVERT BACK TO WHERE I AM#but i did it drastically the first time and it wouldve stuck if i hadnt fucking lost it and ended up in the ward#im not a small steps kind of guy i need to wake up and fix shit and stick to it#but listen to me i am dean maniacally speaking to sam.gif#i buy all these stupid ass healthy foods and i have all these good ideas and reciepes and im legit pumped#and then i fuck it up and order food thats awful for me and then i give the hell up#which is an easy problem to fix. i know.#i can simply just....... not do that#but i swear i am struggling which pisses me off so bad#like you wouldnt struggle if youd quit being a stupidass and just did the damn thing#god i am not gonna do well on my psych evaulation#im gonna end up turning it into therapy and im gonna rage and the lady is gonna be like :D................. you need ten more visits#and youre getting denied at the end of them so get fucked#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#charlie am i losing my GODDAMN MIND? IF ITS GONE WHERE WILL I FIND.. IT?
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alexis haters are so lame lol. get over it already
#you guys get so pressed about it its insane#no ones saying shes a good person. but shes hot. and also. fictional#and you guys looove adam quinn and idk who else so. shut up for once in your lives🙏🏻#also x2. you cant deny alexis is a really interesting character. most of erik's ''villains'' are#and dare i say...... she's even more interesting than sam 🤭#redacted audio#cami.txt#this is super late but i keep seeing that one post and it makes me giggle how mad some ppl get that ppl like alexis
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intense insane staring into the distance and still crying over north no2
#txt#watching pluto#it was a really good buildup of discrimination tho like#the beginning before getting into the world you just think oh its some people its a problem but then as you keep watching you realize#its a pervasive issue the robot adoption thing is still fairly recent there was a war fought majorly by robots#yet the main moral debate in world is the idea of a robot killing a human#the war robots being treated as weapons or idols but never any real inbetween#only exception is mont blanc it seemed pretty ingrained into an actual community#its funeral was organized by volunteers they respected its choice to not have its body made into a monument#versus atom who was basically a minor celebrity and the prof wanted to refuse the state funeral but was denied#those robot parents who kindof lamented kindof like. we understand how those humans feel even if we dont know how to express it.#like the consistent casual discrimination going into tragedy and building gesuit anger#and then also realizing how they tried to cover up his anger like manipulating his memory and refusing his resignation and#ROBITA#like hrghdjsbsnks ‘youre a robot you cant resign’ wow what exactly are in those international robot rights again#but then its all revealed that like. apparently this was all a triple sided setup to buildup robot despair/hatred and also destroy the world#??????#like WHO is that teddy bear#also allubah being a robot was pretty foreshadowed. him having multiple personalities was def not#like haha allubah did you not even realize your bad mental health???#manipulating his own robot son too like ah. forcing your son to leave his body for a weaponized one and also using him to destroy the world.#he was a botony student.#also why is the robot named pluto??? why is the flower named pluto??? is it cause sahad was kinda just saying pluto while out of his mind#‘pluto roman god of the dead’ literally the only connection was death and. horns. was there an actual reason for the horns???#tenma was basically going along with the plan just for the memory chips. to. put them into atom and force him to ‘evolve’ ???????#building up from ‘gesuit feels intense anger abput robot discrimination’ to ‘actually gesuit had a robot child that got killed’ was crazy#like hrhghskshGGAAAAAA#like its a little wild but also its like going from. intense anger about discrimination happening infront of you#to feeling intense anger about the discrimination happening TO YOU#the bad guys at the end going ‘no hatred is endless now that you feel it it will never leave you’ and then being proved wrong is so fhjdb <3
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I'll say this cuz i'm sleepy as hell but can' sleepy without saying it
Dubious canon is still more true to any franchise than your personal headcanons and You should stop denying that and going against anyone that goes with the canon
#thinking this cuz of the people saying Manfred was an abuser#an asshole sure#but aa anime has something else to say#and the anime is far more canon than your headcanons so#so stop harrasing people who dont agree with that guys#is not nice#this also applies to shipping#no your ship and your headcanons aint true if even the dubious canon says otherwise#it hurts sometimes but is the truth pals#im not saying you cant headcanon#i do that shit a lot#but dont fight with poeple who dont agree with your ideas as if they were awful for denying something thats not true#you cant like von karma hes and abus-#no#no he isnt#like i said an asshole#but its never said he was an abuser#so#also#this goes too with flags headcanon#ive gotten into so much trouble with people for shipping straight pairs when they swear the characters are not#no thats also your hedcanon#the sooner we accept this things the easier it gets to interact with others#headcanon all you want as long as you remember that is something you pretty much just came up with and not a fact#thats the fu point of headcanons#ace attorney#miego#manfred von karma#miles edgeworth#franziska von karma
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Glad dat my birthday is at least less important than the fucking wolves game thank u da. Will go nicey next to my other birthday that was less important than you hanging out with your other son who you had seen more recently and whos birthday it Wasnt
#lbf bitches#Im bein a bitch for no rzn its genuinely not that deep#I swing betwn Well he couldve been a lot worse and I Could put more effort in and Well probably theres a reason you dont feel like it#he see my brother least 1ce a week and has for the last 7 years or however long its been. i get by 1ce every few months#Genuinely dont kno if i consider him a dad or just some old guy i smoke weed with every once in a while#Cannot. remember if we ever even really spoke before he moved out when i were 15#he give his financial support. he show it that way. Iunno thats why im like i cant complain Cuz that does mean something#<- Guy who if you ask him will vehemently deny having daddy issues#of any kind
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GUYS i was daydreaming some stuff for Totsuka & Ola the other day AND now i was opening some docs to see my writing and came across a drabble of many months ago i didnt think id be able to make canon... BUT GUESS WHAT THESE TWO SCENARIOS CRONOLOGICALLY MATCH!!!!!!!!
#t&o wip#like like#okay#in my head its smth like there is totsuka right and SOMEONE captured olamina for some reason#and shes like#fucking FURIOUS#they get some guy thats involved in that#and he has like regeneration powers or smth#and hes like “ha ha lolz you cant torture me silly im basically immortal” and totsuka is like “oh yea? ill make you wish you werent then”#and she just like destroys him and even runs out of magic#shes like SO pissed#hua míng (her love interest) is watching by her side a little worried but she doesnt do anything to stop since#she is a vengenceful person#she knows what it feels like and it doesnt feel fair to deny totsuka that then#but yet she feels like...yea shes worried#anyways#totsuka oc#ola oc
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idk why ppl think you wanting a different body, or in this case specifically, weight, somehow has something to do with them or you judging them? like i've worked through the fatphobia i grew up with and was used against me, idgaf what other people do and im also not repelled by or somehow grossed out by fat people given i tend to date fat people (not seeking them out, it just happens)-- if this is the case, how can you say that im somehow demanding you change in someway because I want to change myself? maybe stop seeing other people as extensions of you and this wouldnt be an issue..?
#unfortunately im never going to be satisfied with my body being a certain level of chubby. i can accept it but it wont satisfy me.#i'll always be longing for something else as much as i try to ignore it or deny it or whatever#trust me. i've tried. i've even fallen in love with my body type its... just.... not *me*#which is why i often draw it on my other non-self insert ocs bc i still love my body type its just. not me. thats just not me man idk🤷#an entirely different person as far as im concerned. when i look like that i look like a stranger to myself.#also like. idk why me still deciding i want to look different in spite of working through the fatphobia means i 'didnt actually work throug#it'. like im sorry babe but my dysphoria is heavily linked to my weight given my body fat loves to distribute in *ways* i dont like.#ive literally TRIED to be fine with it but i cant. im sorry. idk what to tell you. theres nothing that can be done. sue me.#me wanting to look different bc of the way my body fat distributes isnt me saying 'you have to look a certain way to pass'#its me going 'i will never feel like myself so long as im shaped like this'#it quite frankly has nothing to do with you so stop inserting yourself into my situation#if anything it seems like my desire to change my weight is more or less a trigger for you and thats not reason enough to try to change#my behavior. simply walk away. look somewhere else. dont interact with me if you cant handle that. i get it but like. its not#gonna change over here bud#some people you're not meant to always get along with and be friends with and thats okay. doesnt mean we try to come up with#'moral' reasons to justify our dislike.#bc to me you're doing nothing different from trans people who shame you for wanting to look more cis. thats always going to be the#case for me. im ALWAYS going to wish i was born a cis guy.
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#learned today that mountbatten wasnt a good guy#crazy#like. im so used to hearing names like mountbatten and churchill in positive vontexts that like#today our polisci prof was talking abt him and went. yes.but. he wasnt a good guy#and then was like i cant spread rumours fo your own research#and then we looked him up IN CLAS. FOUND OUT HE WAS A PEDOPHILE. AND OUR PROF DIDNT DENY IT#im so tired of pwople were meant to admire turning out to be assholes#this is like when some textbook was praising churchill and my dad went. you know he starved half of india right?#and i was like what? and then he was like yeah and he also supported the slave trade and i was like HUH?#yeah anyway im tired of my heroes failing me#not rhat politicians are my *heroes* per se but ... its becoming a trend#i dont even look up my favourite authors life stories anymore bc the last time i did that i found out charles dickens had a weird thing for#his wifes 18 year old sister#and im just. so tired of people being shitty#sigh#anyway new fic coming soon keep your eyes peeled
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i just realized that I link my Tumblr on my Wattpad page-
#IM NOT TELLING YOU GUYS WHAT IT IS#people from there can get here#but not the other way around#ITS A ONE WAY TICKET#i completely forgot that i did that#💀💀#if anyone tries to look for it i literally cant even deny it-#i link DIRECTLY TO MY TUMBLR#damn. well-#goofy jelly thoughts
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