#you dont know which subject to tackle first!!

[atticoratticus]

You're so right about endo and you should say it. In general I find it weird that people are writing about him in at all, not just the fem or gn x reader stuff, like this man is canonically toxic, bad at reading people and doesn't give a fuck about anyone besides takiishi bffr, he would never spare anyone else a glance lol. I feel like in general a lot of the boys are getting misunderstood, like people aren't taking the character trivia we have of them into account AT ALL

Honestly my issue isn't with people writing for him in the first place. Endo is capable of taking interest in other people than Takiishi (to varying degrees, of course), a great example of that being Sakura as shown in the most recent chapters (though i dont want to say that his interest in Sakura is romantic, instead just being general curiosity).

I doubt it would ever reach the level to which he feels for Takiishi in terms out the outright reverence towards him, though I don't think it would be too out of character for him to be able to have a romantic relationship/just romantic feelings in general for another person as long as they're able to catch and maintain his interest in the first place.

Endo being toxic is a bit of a trickier thing to tackle in my opinion. While it is very clear that he has an overwhelming lack of empathy and generally doesn't care for the people around him, the way he acts with Takiishi as someone he cares for is very different. As long as it seems worthwhile to himself, he seems like an incredibly loyal character. He absolutely has several extremely notable flaws, but at the same time it's not really that black and white.

He is manipulative, incredibly so, and that manipulation is a very key trait of his as a character. He knows how to deal with people in order to get what he wants, and he has had this skill since he was a kid. While there is a chance he could be that manipulative with someone he held romantic interest for, I wouldn't say it's a given. Takiishi is an example in the sense that Endo does pretty much everything FOR Takiishis sake. The whole conflict with Furin was after all fabricated just because Endo thought that Takiishi being able to fight Umemiya would be beneficial to Takiishi. His motive for doing these things is relatively self-focused, of course, but he isn't really toxic towards Takiishi (Takiishi being toxic towards Endo is an entire other story, but that whole dynamic is for another post gjsjhf). However, this could be a unique case purely because of how he views Takiishi in the first place.

Of course this is just my personal take on his character, though it's very subject to change as we learn more about him jfjsjd

[eliziarts]

It really gets me how you can't say shit about Helluva Boss (or Hazbin Hotel for that matter) to actually critique without fans getting buthurt, and the only people agreeing with you people who just hate Vivzipop (for the record i dont lol). But here are my gripes that I wish people were actually talking about (btw I really *want* to love Helluva Boss and none of this is mean-spirited, just things I've noticed that I wish the team would fix, or I believe are beyond fixing):

1. The very confused tone. I know a lot of people deflect any criticism from the show by saying 'oh but it's a comedy you shouldn't take it too seriously'. Here's the thing- it's literally taking itself too seriously. There's a balance that a show can have between dark elements and humor, but Helluva Boss consistently tries to tackle very, VERY heavy subjects. This combined with the Brandon Rodgers-essque d!ck joke comedy doesn't.. work. At least not in the way they're attempting. I think the most egregious example of this is the scene in the latest episode when Moxie's dad is literally threatening to kill him if he doesn't follow through with an arranged marriage... immeadiatly followed by Moxie walking though a hall of wall d!ldos. It kind of says, 'hey, we were taking this really seriously 2 seconds ago, but jk actually now you should laugh!'

Juxtaposition doesn't work if it actively confuses its audience on what to feel. I'm not sure how much influence Vivzie and Brandon have on the outcome of the show vs the rest of the writing team, but it seems like Brandon's humor and Vivzie's tendency to write melodramatic soap opera scenes just aren't really meshing together quite right. I wish it had more similar pacing and tone shifts that HH had, because it felt more sudden in a purposeful way, rather than 'we're too lazy to find a good transition between these two scenes.'

2. Why does Vivziepop never write interesting female characters? I know this is talked about a bit more, but it's growing increasingly prevalent in Helluva Boss. We still haven't gotten an episode focused on any of the female leads that's actually about *them*.

Millie is practically nonexistent without her relationship to Moxie. Even the episode where we meet her family, it doesn't give us any insight about her. Every time she goes feral(tm) it's either to save her husband or it's part of a group fight. The only backstory we got for Loona was there to service Blitzo's character, and show us *his* reaction. The only things we've seen with Octavia were put there to help us learn more about Stolas. Even in the scene where they only had Loona and Octavia on the screen, it didn't feel like it was about them at all. It didn't feel like the scene existed to show us them bonding about their shitty dads. It felt like the scene was there to once again ask the audience to give Blitzo and Stolas pity points. Which- brings me to my next problem.

3. Its justifications of abuse. I know they're in hell. Most of them should be shitty people, and they are! But I wish the story would stop trying to pretend they're not. Helluva Boss keeps doing this thing where it draws a line between 'good' abuse and 'bad' abuse. And this kind of completely changed Stolas and Blitzo's relationship. Ik some people may like this change but I personally don't.

Earlier on, we were made to believe Stolas kind of fucked up by cheating on his wife. Not only did this affect Stella (tho ofc we later learn it's due to image reasons) but his daughter as well. It's just generally an uncomfortable and tricky situation. And I liked it! It was interesting and had levels of nuance. However, now that we know that he was basically being abused by Stella this entire time, and met Blitzo when they were kids (which is a WHOLE OTHER UNCOMFORTABLE CAN OF WORMS LMAO) the audience no longer feels like Stolas did anything wrong. Now his actions feel justified.

As much as I loved his confrontational scene with Stella the first time I watched it, as I know many people did, I also know that it kind of ruined any sense of nuance that whole situation had. Now, Stolas suddenly has been absolved from any previously implied mistakes. And, Stella is portrayed as this 1 dimensional cruel monster.

Which brings me to the point of abuse in this show. It's a very prevalent theme, and it's a heavy one for a show branded as a sit-com to portray (hard, but not impossible). But it fails on the end that it doesn't stay consistent in its condemnation of it. Every time a character does something 'bad', as soon as we find out there is a reason for this bad behavior, the show suddenly makes it seem like we should feel bad for them and that their actions are justified because they're a broken person. See: the narrative around Stolas' affair suddenly being changed as soon as we find out he was being abused by Stella.

Inconsistent emotional consequences in writing is lazy for sure. But the real problem is when it gets to the abuse side of things, it can actually become harmful. It's implied that Blitzo had an emotionally abusive relationship with Verosika. But ohh we know he had a fucked up childhood and has fear of forming emotional bonds so! Geuss it's okay! But when it comes to Stella, she's just downright mean, 1 dimensional, and literally says she's doing things for no reason other than to make Stolas suffer.

It's important to note that every single time a character gets a *reason* for their assholery, it becomes a *justification* in the way the show frames it. But whenever a character doesn't have a reason for being as asshole, like Stella (at least not one that's shown), that's where the show then draws the line.

This is harmful! Hate to break it to you but the bulk of abusive people out there were abused themselves. They have multitudes of reasons for why they are the way they are. But that doesn't excuse their actions! And I really hate that this is the standard of framing Helluva Boss has set up for their show because now, no matter how bad a character's actions are, they can slap on a sad backstory and suddenly make that character a sympathetic one.

Yeah but anyways idk. If you read all of that I thank you for taking ur time to listen to my 2 cents. The last episode I really enjoyed was the Ozzie's one and I'm just kinda bummed at a lot of this stuff I mentioned.

[nayaaatv]

"only for you" - wen junhui

# : idol! jun x non! idol reader, fluff, established relationship.

warnings ! : a kinda jealous reader LMAO, and a bit of swearing.

wc ! : 0.6k <3

a/n : this was like a super old draft from juns bday, it wouldnt post back then so i just forgot about it but im posting it now so yay (had to fix it a bit cuz its not his bday anymore so hehe)

you stared at your phone competitively. ofcourse, you were never bothered by jun replying to fans on weverse, you barely even check weverse, but this one caught your eye.

♡ : have a great day jun !! hope you enjoy your break <3

🐱 : thank you babe ! ^^

you scrunched your nose. 'its just like, fanservice' you thought to yourself. although there was a suspicious feeling growing in your stomach.

gasp??? jealousy!? you put your phone down and got up to get a glass of water, forgetting to shut your phone off.

right on time, your beloved boyfriend walks in with a grin on his face, excited to see yours. you can sense his confused expression after seeing your quite moody face.

"babe! .. babe?" he said as you turned around slightly shocked. he smiled, you smiled back faintly as you go to sit back down on the couch.

"babe? is something wrong?" he said, worried. you turned your head around to look at him and sighed dramatically.

"oh nothing nothing, did you like the gift i got you?" you said, trying to change the subject so he doesn't tease you for eternity.

"okay, one, i loved the sweet matching rings you got me im most definitely going to wear them till we get real ones, and two don't even try changing the subject, love. your tricks dont work on me." he puffs.

soon enough he's sat down with you on the couch, trying to get you to confess whatever is going on in your head. you put your glass down and crossed your arms, staring at him fiercely. he tilted his head in confusion, like a cat (hehe).

"did i do something wrong?" he asked

no reply.

"babe? are you mad at me?" he asked again, more confused and worried as ever.

"no..." you mumbled. he asked more questions until your eyes went to your phone lying on the table, which was still open.

his cat eyes followed yours and his first instinct was... to grab it. he ran as fast as he could whilst holding the phone in the air. you bet the neighbours could hear you both laughing and shouting from the chasing.

you were basically tackling him as he was reading your phone carefully but rather quickly.

he started laughing. you sighed and dropped your head onto his chest in defeat.

"babyyy" he whined as you got off of him.

you scoffed as he chuckled. he was choking on his own laughs.

"what??? what what what?" you said, annoyed. he opened his mouth to speak, but muttered a small 'fuck it' and picked you up like a teddy bear.

"wen jun-fucking-hui if you dont put me down right now." you warned him, but he didn't even flinch.

he walked over to your room, plopping you down on the bed. before you could get up, he was all over you, basically cuddling you.

"jun--" he cut you off with a simple kiss. it was soft as always. it calmed you down in a click. you ran your fingers through his hair before he pulled away to breathe.

"you're sooo cute" he admitted quietly, making the atmosphere much softer. you sigh as he snuggles himself into your neck.

"you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of, you know that right?." he said softly.

"ofcourse i know that! i trust you but, you were basically throwing yourself at her." you joked.

"im only for you, only you." he said in an assuring tone.

you ended up cuddling and talking about the most random stuff for hours. even though he was supposed to hangout with the guys, he just couldn't leave his love alone.

he kissed you the whole day, but like, everywhere! if he was wearing lipstick it would look like you just stabbed someone. his lips were all over you! but you know, only for you. only for his baby ♡

end!

✦ ; @odetoyeonjun @stuckinmyhead5 @guavagyu @starry-mins @pearlygraysky @enhacolor @khypods @yoonzin0 @enha-choo @shadowofgyu

m.list ¯\(° °)/¯

[luetta]

Found your HDG×SIGNALIS Falke and other posts and had to ask how bioresonance would factor into the Affini's domestication efforts

Like there's the rare bioresonant humans, the kolibris, and falkes, plus maybe even a Red Eye if you decide it's canon in your fic. And uh, given what canon displays and tells us about it? it's a question I can't help but wonder about

Like Falke's would def use their bioresonance to resist, Kolibri's there's the question of if they're altogether or not (but iirc correctly their neutral patterns are allegedly unstable + altogether they might be easier to domesticate) humans are mixed bag cuz do they even know if they're bioresonant?

Oh yeah bioresonants connect to and read minds so that can play into how their domestication goes

Totally get if you dunno how to tackle this since lore's vauge af and you need to take your time. Hope your having a good day

aaa this is such a cool ask !! im well into starting to write the story, but im not yet at a point where there's been any domestication yet, so what ive decided is subject to change, but i have definitely been thinking lots about bioresonance and how itll be relevant. first things first is the canon. this is probably affected a bit by my own interpretation of the canon, but, im probably not going to touch the king in yellow/flesh below leng/red eye at all. for me, the whole story of signalis and all it's supernatural elements is essentially contained within a separate mindscape dimension and doesn't really effect the real eusan worlds. it'd also get a bit messy i feel, pitting cosmic horror against affini technological supremecy, cus like, who would win ? i literally dont know, and affini are meant to always win. so i think im just gonna let the flesh below leng chill. outta sight, outta mind. now, for bioresonance, i think it's fair to say there's similarities between it and biorhythms. given the fact that the eusans dont really even understand the mechanics and source of bioresonance, i feel content for the affini to come in and say "oh interesting, theyve managed to artifically (or naturally with rare bioresonant humans) amplify their biorhythms in their replikas" maybe ill add something about how theyve attuned it to idk, specific physical wavelengths, to induce something analogous to telekinesis. for kolibri's being easier to domesticate, you're right on the money for what ive been planning. theyre more perceptive to biorhythms and more receptive to xenodrugs. and virtue of their sharing of emotions and stuff with others, theyre definitely gonna be useful for, at the very least, calming other replikas and gestalts down while they get boarded and interrogated and domesticated EDIT: also with class-f drugs reducing intrusive thoughts/helping 'mind implant fuckery" work better, i think they could also be used to dampen/strength bioresonant effects too. if the affini wanted to i have a really fun plan for falkes, the first falkes to be domesticated are going to essentially be used against the eusan nation and empire, due to their supreme authority and bioresonance, having one telling everyone about the joys of the affini, to throw down their arms and surrender, is probably going to be a pretty huge boon in getting the governments to surrender. a falke unit is probably going to be the main character that ill follow through getting domesticated. i think itll be so fun having a falke be broken. one more thing ive been thinking about is about persona degredation. now, this seems pretty obvious to me in canon that persona degradation simply doesnt exist, and its just a name for any emerging individualism, which would mean a slight decrease in efficience, which means execution. but idk, ive seen a sort of vibe that ppl thing that not having access to fetish objects and strange things happening is gonna make replikes go crazy and corrupted and bluescreen, when thats simply not the case. that only happens in the game, which is definitely not reality. im going to follow this in the story, an affini showing up is going to scare the shit out of replikas, it's literally an alien. but they're not going to turn into brain broken zombies because of it, theyll just get freaked out and diverge from their blueprints. so yeah ^_^ thats some of my thoughts so far for the setting and canon and plans that ive managed to elucidate so far. thnx for asking !!

[marengogo]

hello heres are some naked series ideas if you don't mind ahem

jikook in japan ( when asked whats your fave memories of that day) sir jungkook said watching jimin playing on his phone until 5 am they were almost late for their flight lol

bon voyage commentary ( they asked jungkook the difference between bv1 and bv2) lmao he couldnt answer i wonder why😏

the fact that jungkook keep telling people namjoon is the reasom he joigned bighit dont sit right with me its like theyre a layer to it we'll never know... cos as a 14-15 yo he didnt even talk through it to his parent or sum.. and their first meeting tho i cringe...

minimoni idk why but i dont like that pairing...

in the soop jimin imitates the way jungkook "snores" and me thinks its the other kind cos who in their right mind snores like that are they fr💀

This is that famous ASK I have spoken about at the beginning of me answering ASKS.I received this ASK August 22, 2022 and it took me this long because of how I decided to tackle it. To begin with, there were a lot of topics I didn’t want to just breeze over (like the NamKook part). In addition, the tone of the whole ASK got me a bit itchy in all the wrong places, so I’ve been trying to keep my cringe at bay.

Hence … dear Anon, I do apologize for the delay in replying to this ASK, but here I am! And I’ll discuss the cringe-feeling I had with the tone at the very end, so hang in there with me that is if you are still around, cause gurl/boi/enby more than half a year is admittedly a long-ass time, I’ll give you that 😬😬.

So I’ve begun speaking about Minimoni and NamKook in the posts right here so please feel free to read those → MINIMONI & NAMKOOK. For the rest, let’s beginning with the first part of the ASK.

“JIKOOK IN JAPAN” 

Anon is referring to a specific infamous? moment that happened during BTS’ AbemaTV Christmas Special interview on December 21, 2017, which you can find kindly translated here by BangtanSubs. As always I base whatever I discuss on all the Original Content (OC) provided so, I’d always advise watching this content before continuing reading if you haven’t already.

I think I have touched the subject of translating privately in my DM, but I can’t quite recall if I have on my blog. Some of you may know that I can speak Japanese, to a level where I mostly don’t need subtitles (unless there is a vocab I don’t know which I then have to look up). Now translating for a fandom like BTS is: TOUGH AF. 

As you know we have solo stans, shippers, casual listeners, here only for the boys interaction, but not the music-stans, YOU NAME IT stans, so when someone provides you with a translation, for the most part they have to decide amongst 3 choice/courses of action:

Just translate the words and you can figure out implied meanings

I will translate in a way that the implied meaning is understood even if they didn’t say those words

Just translate the words, then take some time to make notes and explain what it could mean and also add already known facts with regards to the statement. 

If you ask me, choice 3 would have to be the way to go; always. BUT LET’S BE REAL. It takes hella time to translate correctly. Imagine having to explain everything, every time, when the demand for instant translations is so high, particularly in a fandom like ours, especially when there are many moments which translators feel nobody should misunderstand. 

Also, choice 1, prevents for the most part being attacked by people in the fandom, whereas choice 2 is the quickest way to getting things spectacularly wrong if you turn out to have mistakenly interpreted what you thought they meant.  All of the aforementioned, are the reasons why Choice-1-Translators are the most common. But if I may add my 2 cents, do take the time to find some Choice-3-Translators when/if you can. Obviously, not for everything, but when/if in doubt, look for multiple sources until you are sure you’ve found various reputable, different-in-nature, sources who agree on the same meaning. 

Good Choice-1-Translators are hella quick, 95% accurate and rely heavily on context. So what is the context of this Jikook-moment.

Following is the context as righteously translated by BangtanSub:

This is the actual Japanese part without the translate caption:

おもしろトーク is the construct which was translated as “funniest story”, which is not wrong, but like A LOT OF ANYTHING in Japanese it has nuance and other meanings. The word おもしろい (read omoshiroi) mainly means “interesting” and the second most common meaning is “funny”, as something funny is culturally considered also interesting it’s a bit complicated a concept to understand but stick with me for a sec. Anyways, the person with the most interesting/funniest answer would win the price. 

As they start answering, J-Hope begins with promoting his solo songs off the bat, which has nothing to do with his questions, hence in a way, it was kinda funny/interesting for him to answer like that LOL. And then it is JK’s turn. 

Now, this was 2 months after they had gone to Tokyo together and we know just how much they loved talking about this trip. They literally took every chance to mention it.

So when JK decided to talk about that trip, instead of an experience of them presently being in Japan, I’m sure nobody was shocked, however what I think happened then was that people gave too much importance to the “memorable” part instead of the “funny/interesting” part. I believe that JK told that story because the fact that they stayed up until 5am was truly memorable because it was truly funny/interesting to him.  

What happened in those hours that they remained awake using JM’s phone? I don’t know. But using JM’s phone seems to be something that JK does more often than not now lowkey JK doesn’t seem like someone who really uses, or cares much about his own phone.

In fact, if anything, the rest of the members seem to be the ones who were almost worried as to what JK would say. Hobi decided to just give him the gift before even allowing him to finish, JM seemed to agree with that idea, everyone seemed to be just waiting to see what would happen, almost like when JK told the “rainy day” story during BTS Festa 2020. JK seems to really like having everyone wonder what he is about to say, almost to the point where they are borderline anxious; he really liked likes that.

SO TO ANSWER YOU/ANON: JK didn’t say he was watching JM until 5AM though he might have, who knows right?. They were on JM’s phone until 5AM, doing what? If they don’t tell us; we will never know, but also I really don’t think JK would have shared something personal between the two of them if JM wasn’t okay with it but that’s just me. So basically, I really don’t think this was a big moment for Jikook. Interesting/funny? Sure. Moving On!

“BON VOYAGE 2 (BV2)” 

The live Anon is referring to is BTS’ reaction and commentary to their first episode of Bon Voyage Season 2.

These 2 lives both used to be on vlive. However, as we all should know, vlive and weverse have now merged, AND UNFORTUNATELY FOR US, these two particular lives seem to have been lost in the interweb as I couldn’t find them on weverse might try and look better later, BUT, you know me OC.OG. (Original Content OG), wasn’t going to pull up to this ASK reason why I ended up only answering to 1 ASK … without finding a way to make everyone participate in the same discourse, so I didn't stop until I found links to both cause;

It may take days IT TOOK ME FOREVER, but guys, the interweb never really forgets so keep trying, IT IS ALL OUT THERE after that, if you can't find anything, like anything in life, please do ask for help, but my people, at least give it a solid try first.

Aloha, Hawaii!:

Special Commentary Live:

BACK TO THE QUESTION! Just like the previously discussed “Jikook in Tokyo” Jikookers, who MOST LIKELY were not around when this happened, saw the following cut out clip and started thinking that perhaps JK was alluding to the things that he and JM went through BV2, and proceeded to make this a significant moment because of the way JM looked at JK when he was trying to explain the difference between Season 1 and Season 2.

Don’t get me wrong. I do think that the way JM looks at JK in this situation is actually endearing and unique to them, and I’ll explain why. If you watched the commentary video, quite clearly, JK HAD NO CLUE WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SEASON 1 AND SEASON 2 WAS, at least with regards to them as a band, which was what that live was about “BTS reacting to Bon Voyage Season 2”. 

And the members knew that he didn’t, which is why they proceeded to start teasing him, saying that perhaps Namjoon should help him, but JK is a SORE LOSER; we all know that. He likes to win, no matter what, so he was going to say something, regardless of whether or not it was going to make sense or be impressive, and I think JM knew that and I think that THAT was the reason why JM was looking at JK in that way; he was waiting to see what this boi was going to come up with, and while doing that, his expression betrayed him for a couple of seconds, revealing that, even just that part of JK, was so cute, and like, “Why is he so cute even with stuff like this?!...” kinda way. 

SO TO ANSWER YOU/ANON: JM wasn’t staring at JK in that way because he thought about the fact that, for example, they didn’t show them in their room, or that perhaps they might have been playing footsie, ETC, which CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG, you seem to be implying? 

This may come as a shocker but I honestly don’t believe that Jikook is out there trying to out themselves. I think they are conscious of the situation they are in, be it a homophobic country, members' safety, or global repercussions. They know that, and they live with it the best they can. Believe it or not, they are very careful, until they are not; for a second or two in front of the camera, or longer off-camera AKA fuck up slightly. We still don’t know completely the type of humans they are, but whoever they are and whatever they choose to be for each other, once again; THEY ARE DOING THE BEST THEY CAN TO LOVE, LIVE & SURVIVE. 

Moving on to the last part! FINALLY. 

“IN THE SOOP - 1” 

Anon is talking about this particular moment from IN THE SOOP 1 Episode 1:

If you want to watch the whole episode:

I’ll keep this VERY short …

SO TO ANSWER YOU/ANON: No. I don't think that JM was imitating JK moaning. Because this is what you were implying right? If you had watched the whole episode though, you’d see that JM also imitates RM, so what? JM is randomly going around describing how members moan in their private lives? Common’ Anon …

And I will conclude this LONG-ASS POST discussing why I felt cringe by your whole post: IT WAS THE WHOLE “IMPLYING”. There was a general sexual and dissing undertone to your ask, and I might be wrong about my vibe-check, so as always feel free to correct me, but I really … was like *shiver-down-my-spine* about it. 

I am an adult. I don’t mind discussing adult topics. But like everything in life, there is a way and way to approach the topic. When it comes to people who, for the most part, are NOT DISPLAYING THEIR PRIVATE, AND SEXUAL, LIVES OVERTLY, you must know and understand there are boundaries right? Because even though they are not that open and out, the members are sensual beings in their craft and some also a little bit in their ways, and this part they don’t seem to mind displaying and THAT PART WITHIN PROPER REASON, ETIQUETTE AND BOUNDARIES I am very happy to discuss. 

NAKED is not a series I started to begin an AV CONTENT channel, it is a series to strip down moments to their core. Just re-explaining in case it was lost in translation. The fact that I just so happen to be a very sensual and flirty being is all about me. 

So let us not project. Okay?

Alright. Good. I’ll let y’all go, I'll continue answering ask later when I get back home from work!

Always respectfully yours  💜🫰🏾,

Marengo.

[n1ghtm3ds]

Okay yall know im totally against banning books but I also believe that a school library should be a safe place.  Stories that contain depictions of triggering things or downer endings should be labeled as such.  And yes, some books should not be on the shelves.  They should be easily accessible on the shelf of your local library, but they should not be provided to you through the school.  “A Handmaid’s Tale” and “Push” are both books that do not belong in a school library (which is a collection of books cultivated with the interest of minors in mind).  “Push” is one of the best books I ever read and I think it should be considered part of the required canon for an english/lit/writing major in college.  It was so effective that it gave me multiple panic attacks.  It contains descriptions of sex acts so graphic and specific that bodily fluids are mentioned.  It doesn’t belong in a school library.  If you are a grown person who considers yourself well-read it should absolutely be in your PERSONAL library, and it should be available easily and for free to anybody who wishes to seek it out at the PUBLIC library, but in a GRADE SCHOOL library it is simply too graphic.  I also dont think a grade school library should include books like A Clockwork Orange, or 1984, or To Kill a Mockingbird (the first time you tackle the subject of rape in school, it should not be one of these three highly problematic books).  The same way schools have to send home permission slips to show R-rated movies, they should stick to mostly YA in a library meant specifically for minors.  Kids like I was who want to read adult content can get a library card.  The school library should be a safe space with clearly labeled content and the school curriculum should not contain any material that may be re-traumatizing to a child as required reading.  In college you can make them read whatever you want, freshman year i had a teacher assign DeSade and I respected him for it, but state funded public grade schools should stick to media that doesnt stray too far from pg-13.  Let children be children.  Let the kids who are lucky enough to grow up slow not thinking of these things remain innocent.  Kids who the media will matter to who can handle the media will seek it out themselves.  Stop making 6th graders read The Scarlet Ibis *Fortunate Son plays in the distance* im getting ahead of myself but yeah just like there are r-rated movies there are books that shouldn’t be BANNED by any means but also shouldn’t be made available through the school itself much less included in the mandatory curriculum.  Like if ur an adult and you have not read “Push” go read it, if i were a parent and my 14-year-old took my copy and read it Id want to have a conversation to put some things in context and let them vent any feelings they may have from reading it but i wouldn’t be upset, but if my 9th grader came home with it as a school project I would be ENRAGED.  Like yeah some books dont belong in schools and these outrage-mills count on people not being well read enough to call their bullshit when they act like it is a problem when graphic adult material is made less accessible to minors.  

[spikeinthepunch]

Whenever I play a new thing that inspires me it's hard to Not talk about the thing a lot. But something thats been on my mind for a bit since starting my game jam game and now playing Lisa is the idea of exploring tough and dark subjects. I really held back on some ideas for Penrose because I was nervous about the potential reactions. I wanted to make it a cult, with some fantasy elements added in to slightly detach it from reality at least. Even so I am still "censoring" a lot of the events and situations within the concept i want to work with- and to some degree they aren't relevant/things i need in my characters/stories, but also i know some i skip bc deep down i know they feel like 'too much'.

Regardless of what feels necessary in my story, playing Lisa really hit me again with that obstacle I face of writing dark subjects. I experienced a lot of things, stuff that would be considered "dark subjects". But even so I hesitate on telling a story with any of it. But then here I am playing a game like Lisa and I'm just like. Right. You can do that. And people can like the game. if anything, people may even praise it for tackling it in a way that isnt done with intent to offend.

one of my first really 'dark' stories with hard subjects i was going to make was Cryptolalia actually. with Theo. I made him when i was 15 or so, and he reflected much of my initial reactions to realizing trauma. but when i got older i felt like i didnt want to tell it like that. it felt way too revealing, which i think is important to recognize with telling something that reflects you! but i had also gotten nervous abt doing it because i had kinda heard too much about people being upset at triggering games due to subject matter (with the false mindset that triggering people is bad at all), people arguing a lot about whether or not you meet criteria to tell those stories, lots of back and forth about what people may consider is romanticizing, or people getting very subjective about stories with dark subjects to where theyd really fight that it was done poorly, etc.

and well, on a personal end- i have also come to realize i have dismissed/avoided much of my issues id want to retell in a therapeutic way-- over the years and after taking that out of my stories (which is still for good reason), some of that anxiety also just comes from putting those subject back in. regardless of the reason, i obviously dont think every story need that- i dont really think i plan to put in a ton of horrible things into Cryptolalia, but also the story worked in many places because of that, and i think it may be the one reason i felt so held back on some story elements. when you write as aspect with a concept in mind, then you take part of that out then... well, it doesnt really work again.

in my head i say to myself that tackling and writing about a lot of these tough subjects is fine and good, i have opened up way more than 15 year old me. yet despite all my open mindedness and change in perspective, i kinda fail to apply this to myself as much as i want to. honestly i have been sitting here with two OC stories for almost a decade and i have felt stuck for a variety of reasons. the reason isnt this 100%. but i feel like i have spent way too long avoiding the idea of doing anything related to this, and i need to really stop if i want to actually keep creating anything that comes to mind.

[groupblog2]

My experience in ganaan is absolutely incredible because this school year has been the way that build up my confidence to face a lot of people specially reporting in class , furthermore I’ve met a lot of strangers that turns into friends and at the early school days i felt comfortable and be able to socialize with other students than I used.

Lastly our Advisor is literally the best because teacher sheryl is an amazing woman , she understands the feelings of her students and her patience is amazing to the point that you are going to say to yourself that this teacher is worth listening for and our subject teachers are amazing too they teach us different lessons that we will keep to ourselves. -Lois

Since it’s my first year in Ganaan Christian Academy, first I was enrolled late because of some financial problems and at the day that I was enrolled the principal told me to go directly to my specific classroom and quickly join the class to be able to catch up the lesson that they've been tackling about. As my mom accompany me going to my classroom, some students were shocked that they have a new classmate. So then they welcomed me a well warm greetings as I introduce myself. I belong to Grade 11 HUMSS CHRONICLES and advisory of Ms. Sheryl Abaño. As the months goes by the teachers are doing well, some teachers giving a bit pressure to the students and some teachers are just relaxed too. If I would rate this school over 1-10, I would rate it 8/10 because its not that tense but its just okay for the students. One thing I really love in this school is that it isn't polluted because its not in the city, I love the sorroundings, the trees, and the wonderful sea breeze and ocean view. 🥰 -Dorothy

My expreinces in ganaan

The first day of school was so embarrassing i just find it embarrassing lmao, because every subjects they let us introduced ourselves 1 by 1 and i was so shy that time because i had no friends because it was first day of school ehehhe, and i really can't forget that one of my classmates said that "unsa namn sad na oy" because once we introduced ourselves their is something unique which made us all scared to introduce like for example and so I have noticed that every 2weeks there is an exam, which made us it pressure for us, There is one time all subjects are about to test, we dont know what to start, what subject to start, because all of them are gonna have a long test, but all those sleepless nights, daily self affirmations, free times sacrifices, 11 pm tears, struggles and hard works are quite worth it because they gave us a high grades. -Chris

Since I’ve been in Ganaan Christian academy , i did feel that i am going to learn something new and be able to understand different lessons and i like the students here in Ganaan because they are too friendly, i do like the school with the pressure that they gave us but then it is a way to learn and be able to keep striving, i do like the teachers because of their teaching, like you can easily understand the lessons that they will give to us. -Lovely

First day of school I felt pressure and to the point that im going to transfer to another school because I did tell to my self that i am not going through this but then the day comes which is my friend Kian "Pogi", He was my inspiration to let go through the pressure because everytime we laugh and enjoy every moment and he reminded me not to transfer to another school , even im not really good at the class I still try my best in every exam because it is stressful to me. But then i tell to my self that it is okay because i have my friends (brothers) and i am grateful to have them. -Geoff

My experience in Ganaan Christian Academy was very challenging to me because every month we have to take an exam, at the first day of school I felt excited because im not really shy (Just slight :>), So I tried to transfer to another school but then i have to continue this journey so i decided to keep striving for my future. -Shara

My experience in Ganaan Christian Academy is incredibly different than to other schools because the way teachers teach is amazing, you instantly understand the lesson at the same time you enjoy because of the twist such as games specially teacher Gaze. -Andrey

[motherstone]

As promised

Just, just not like this.

[camillathe6th]

hi! i recently played fhr for the first time after seeing your posts on your main blog and i really liked it! however, after looking at fhr stuff online i feel like i may have missed out on some content - i dont know what the farm is for example. Do you maybe have advice on what choices to make or can you tell me what choices you generally make? I mainly picked the morally good/honest ones (as far as that is possible haha). any other tips are also appreciated :) thank you!!

OH, you might not have played the open demo for the second volume, which is called Retribution. A few mysteries come to light there, though it's still an incomplete first draft, with much more coming in the final published game: click here. Whatever path you take there, farm information pops up and is contextualised.

In Rebirth, you do get a sprinkle of farm references when Sidestep mentions the Special Directive and the Regenes (most notably during the Psychopathor's fight, when you steal the rat king). It's still fairly implied, Sidestep doesn't tackle the subject head-on. You'll get more content on the topic if you decide to lead the Wolf Pack. There's also a farm epilogue if you're suspicious enough throughout the game to attract their attention (the Wolfpack scene helps in that department).

If you WANT me to tell you about it in more details (without spoilers for anything but what's already published), shoot me an ask, I have [check notes] notes.

[blogging-spot]

NEET is one of the most challenging competitive entrance exams in India. To get qualified in the first go, you need to follow the proper schedule, tips & strategy, in order to clear the NEET-UG Exam. This is a preparation guide for NEET-UG 2023. Here we will try to cover tips & preparation, strategy, study plan & important points to keep in mind while preparing for NEET.

Early NEET Preparation Benefits you more than short-term preparation. Most of the students start their NEET Preparation right after the Class10 Board Examination. Thus, they get enough time, especially during the long gap before starting high school. The Date for the upcoming NEET Exam 2023 has not been announced yet, but students are expecting to get the date within the end of December. While NEET Preparation tests the students over a vast syllabus, it requires a proper plan to tackle it smoothly. Proper study materials, test series, mock tests, revision materials & doubt clearing facility. 

Know your Target First.

Plan your time wisely by Understanding Patterns

Important Topics in NEET Preparation

Collect Together Resources

Make your own notes

Practice Aplenty

Revise Well

Appear for Mock Tests

Don’t keep Doubt Pending

 Exam Strategies.

NEET UG 2023 exam pattern-

NEET 2023 Syllabus- After knowing the exam pattern, time duration & marks distribution of each subject, it is important to know the NEET syllabus in detail. The NEET syllabus would be the same for Classes 11 & 12. Some of the important topics for each subject are mentioned below.

Preparation for NEET 2023: 

Know the syllabus- Dont jump for the study, start one by one. It will be more easy & less pressure. Get to know the syllabus of each subject. Know the marks distribution of each module and which module contains more marks. Thus it will help you to get good marks if you put more focus on those modules which contain more no of marks it will help you to achieve good score easily.

         For formulating this strategy, it is important to know the NEET 2023 Syllabus. Dividing the time to be spent on each can be done only when candidates know the syllabus thoroughly.

Start Early- It is best to start NEET preparation as early as possible just to cover the syllabus on time & to avoid unwanted pressure on yourself. Ideally, the start of preparation should be right after the board exam of class  You will get enough time to revise right after the completion of your NEET Syllabus.

Decide on coaching and other preparation channels- Dr. Academy technically molds each & every student with the latest trends, and a creative approach, to make one complete, up-to-date aspirant, for Medical entrance exams! Enroll now and take a step forward towards a fulfilling career. Start your preparation with the Top Neet Institute in Bangalore & Hyderabad. 

Make a timetable-  If you are aiming for an MBBS seat in a government college, eight months of NEET preparation is the best option. For better results, getting yourself enrolled in a Neet Coaching Institute is also a great idea, if you are not able to plan for the Neet. In a renowned Neet Institute, you will get proper guidance along with study materials, previous year's sample questions & answer keys, and proper guidance & motivation.  

Practice previous Year’s question papers- If you are sitting for this exam for the first time, you must not be familiar with the questions which are very obvious. No matter how much you prepare, you must practice the previous question samples. It will increase your confidence level & you will get an idea.

Know your strengths & weaknesses- After going through the NEET exam pattern and syllabus, aspirants would get an idea of their strengths and weaknesses. In case they are unable to identify it on their own, they can take a full-fledge mock test and see which are their highest and lowest performing sections and then try to find out the root cause. After knowing the strengths and weaknesses, they should prepare accordingly by giving more time to the weak areas and simultaneously preparing for the strong areas to not lose touch.

[memes-in-a-half-shell]

Ok I got a funny ask for ya, what would a slideshow night be like with the boys and their s/o's?? Who went all out with transitions and details? Who took it seriously vs the goofiest? I dont mean like privately showing their s/o the slideshow, I mean in the living room with EVERYBODY (except Splinter, he dont need to see this).

HAHAHAHHHAHA YES I LOVE THIS !!!!!!!!!!!

My goal one day is to have a fun event like that with friends, so I’m totally 100% liking this idea x’D

Subject? Free for all.

Most serious to goofiest: Leo, Donnie, Raph, Mikey.

Leo’s presentation is tidy. All pictures are perfectly placed/aligned. Bullet lists are straight to the point and he chose that ... tan color for the background, with black colored text.

“I wanted to make it readable and not too straining for the eyes.

Okay, king.

Also he’s probably gonna talk about bonsais or teas - something he can easily research without having to physically demonstrate to a crowd (such as training moves, battle stances, etc. Keep that shit for the dojo)

Donnie’s is like when you’re handed a single sheet of paper to write notes on when you’re preparing for a math test at school; filled entirely with all the information available. BOTH SIDES OF THE PAPER. CAN’T MISS ANYTHING.

A lot of schematics, formulas, charts. Some hidden memes here and there ‘cause ya boi likes to mix nerd stuff and humor (it’s a good way to remember things, M’KAY?)

He would most probably talk about some obscure subject nobody really knows about, or some article he has found recently and he wants to expand on the subject.

If he’s feeling wild he’ll try to tackle something he doesn’t really know anything about - just so he can learn about it as well along the way. A big win in his books.

Raph’s is ... he tried, okay.

White background, some pictures here and there, as well as text (sometimes there’s grammar mistakes. It just adds to the charm)(is he doing it on purpose? He won’t tell)

If he’s feeling “serious”, he’ll talk about gym stuff or something simple, like animals or music. ... If he’s feeling like a jackass, he’ll talk about porn stuff.

“What’s the best stuff to jack off to? TIDDIES. *whacks pointing stick to board as he shows a zoomed in picture of tits*”

Cue Leo sighing and facepalming.

Mikey is just going wild with it.

Full of colors, basic built-in text and images animations. He’s just having a good time.

He’s having a hard time deciding what he wants to talk about. He might even just go “I don’t give a fuck” and talk about something he’ll create from A to Z.

“During this presentation I’ll explain how Batman and Raph are the same person.” “The fuck you talkin’ about, Mikey?” “Have you ever seen them in the same room??” “No, but-” “Case in point. Now lemme talk. FIRST-”

(I’m totally referencing that “Batman voice” thing from the 2014 movie btw fsdhbfhsdbfshbfgsdhf I’m tired okay let me be)

If the guys’ S/O’s are presenting something, you bet they’ll give their undivided attention to them.

*One turtle sneezes*: “Whoops.”, *Another one that which his S/O is talking*: “SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU’RE INTERRUPTING.”

Overall it’s just a fun night with the boys and many laughters are brought along the way.

That activity will occur more than once, that’s for sure!

[strangebasementruins]

Momo & Mineta friendship

until they move into the dorms momo despises minoru, but one night they get to talking over some tea and she finds that they share a lot in common.

mineta is into fashion, shopping, and self care stuff like momo (he thought it'd make him more appealing to girls & he pm has to be bc his quirk relies on scalp health) and while doing this stuff they tend to share a lot more than usual.

minnie tells momo about his anxieties around hero work and how much pressure he puts on himself and momo gets it completely bc these are similar to her insecurities. they work together and hype eachother up as much as possible to overcome this.

mineta doesn't even realize momo likes him until she invites him to go shopping w the "rich kids club" *he thought she was just being civil all that time* a couple days after that he thanks her for her friendship.

mineta goes through a lot of fashion phases. momo laughs at the more outlandish ones, but is supportive of these phases nevertheless.

momo first comes out as a lesbian to mineta and he just replies "that's good bc Jirou has a fat gum sized crush on you".

momo is baffeled to say the least "wha-what how can you tell" and mineta just gives her a look bc he loves all things romance of course he knows who has a crush on who.

the rest of the class is pretty confused by their friendship at first esp bc of their rocky start. iida even asks if theyre a thing and mina swears they are.

momo never hesitates to slap minoru around if he's being pervy.

mineta likes to joke that momo loves all things purple and small (him and jirou). she's figuring out how to make an off button for him.

when todo comes out to momo he starts hanging with her and minnie more. which is funny bc momo never really had guy best friends and now she has 2. todo usually sits in silence when they talk about fashion and stuff but he does enjoy participating when face masks are out. it's a change of pace from the rowdy dekusquad.

mineta is allergic to peanuts so he has never had a proper pb & j. momo makes fun of him accordingly.

when minoru finds out about momojirou he runs around screaming and sticking his balls everywhere till iida has enough and tackles him.

jirou and minoru roast eachother all the time. esp when mineta ends up going on dates with them. they do that more often than they realize. jirou calls him "fruit boy" he tells her that she's "obsolete technology". momo just enjoys the show. she used to try and stop them but its no use.

momo finds herself evenly split and involved in dekusquad & bakusquad drama bc of shoto and minoru (he is basically apart of it bc his besties are sero & denki, ill die on this hill). its equal parts entertaining and exhaughsting.

being the 2 smartest kids in class their conversations quickly sway back and forth between very complicated subject matters and very simple topics. denki says tea with them is a sure fire way to walk away feeling airheaded.

they collaborate and momo is able to create mineta's grape balls with her quirk. it took them weeks & lots of trial by error but when they finally got it they pulled the funniest quirk-swap prank on denki.

mineta sticks himself to a wall or ceiling regularly inorder to scare momo. it works more often than she'd like to admit.

momo and mineta create a sort of secret language using hand signals so they can chitchat and brainstorm during class.

momo always studies and minoru never studies.

momo says that she likes green grapes better than purple grapes and mineta bawls his eyes out in betrayal.

mineta's dirty jokes actually make momo giggle so long as they dont cross any lines and are funny. (sometimes he j be saying shit that is not funny whatsoever).

minoru has a phase where he calls everything sexy as a response and yaomomo hates it bc she picked it up and called an assignment sexy in front of AllMight.

momo quickly finds out that mineta is veryyyyyyy dramatic. like will recite a whole monolouge for no reason levels of dramatic. she runs a secret spam account thats just his dramatics.

yes, yaomomo does randomly take things from minnie and hold them out of his reach. it's her right.

bonus:

class 1a plays hot potato but mineta is the potato.

[storysofmyown]

How the demon bro’s would ask you to marry them

Note: I am unaware if this was done before, i have not seen this specific scenario yet, so if there is any resemblance to an already existing work it was unintentional!

Lucifer:

This man, he knew from the moment you two started the relationship that he would marry you. There was never a doubt in his mind, he was not letting you get away.

So, of course, he knew that at some point he would ask you to marry him. His pride dictating him to ask you first no matter what, and so...he did.

It wasn't a big party, nor was it with his brothers or anyone else. It was just the two of you. No interruptions and no drama, just you two, just like he wanted to be for the rest of his live.

He had planned the entire evening, making sure none of the brothers would interfere at all. He rented the whole restaurant, the only ones that stayed longer were the cook and after delivering the food they left.

There was soft music in the background, a dim light illuminated everything, the proposal, just like many things in your relationship was going to low-key.

You would be eating and chatting for a moment, look down, and the moment you look up there is a neatly placed black velvet box.

At first you were confused, but with a soft smile, Lucifer ushered you to open the small box. Inside there was a beautiful small ring with red stones. It was simply breathtaking, but so was the softness in Lucifer’s smug smile as he watched your face lit u[p at the sight of it. He would take your hand, give a kiss to it, the ring in his other fingers as you look at him directly in the eyes, before simply saying

“Marry me.” The weight of the ring and the feeling on his fingers between yours would only become present as you nod slowly, tears in your eyes as the demon looked at you with the most love sick expression he had ever shown.

Mammon:

Dear lord, did it take this demon long before he could simply say “I love you” in a sincere way without feeling embarrassed or berating your afterwards. But you stayed with him, no matter what, and where others would make fun of him and insult him, you put care and love in his life.

So...yeah, he wanted to marry. The moment he realized he wanted to marry you it was a soft night in your room. The two of you were in bed after the other’s leaving, you had fallen asleep in his arms and he was caressing your cheek, and he realized he simply couldn't live without you anymore.

This demon would want EVERYONE to know you are his, and only HIS.

He would buy you the biggest and most expensive ring there is. After all, you belonged to The Great Mammon, you would now need better jewelry and stuff like that. And what a better start than the best ring he could find? (He also bought this with half money earned from working and half from Lucifer’s credit card. The eldest made sure Mammon paid back after threatening him saying he would not pay one grimm for the wedding.)

Now, the demon would want this to be both a special and memorable moment, but he would want to have you all for himself when he asks.

So, he would take you to a carnival of sorts. It was almost as chaotic as your relationship with him, which was simply befitting.

It would be an EXCELLENT time. The most fun you had with him, and the relationship was always fun. The whole time would be spent between laughs, jokes, throwing popcorn at each other, etc.

Then,it would  be quiet. But not in an uncomfortable way, less and less people would be at the carnival, and when there is few people, he would grow quieter, mustering the courage to actually ask you. He would take a deep a deep breath, hands buried in his pockets as he plays with the small box. Finally, he would speak.

“Yo” he wouldn't wait for an answer. “Y-y’know that we...have been dating for a while, right?” One hand in his hair as he no longer looks at you. “And...and you are always so nice to me and you basically thought me how to feel lo-love or whatever and- and i guess what I’m trying to say is-” He would stop, a blush covering his cheeks as he finally looks at you and pulls the box out. “Would you marry me?”

And it amazes you, it amazes you that before, when your relationship was fresh and new, he would go on a tangent about how you should feel honored that someone like him, would be interested in someone like you. But not now, he didn't had to say that. Because you were honored that he would love you, and he was honored that you would even consider to love him back.

“Oi! Erh...are ya just gonna stand there?!” He would ask after several moments of silence, before you tackle him in a big hug and smile saying yes over and over. He would never admit it, but the demon cried a little, but never nearly as much as when the actual wedding arrived.

Leviathan:

Oh boi, oh dear, this poor demon is soooooooooo insecure at first!! He questions why you would ever want to be in a relationship with someone like him. He honestly believes that you will one day realize you could be with someone much better than him, so the idea of marriage never crosses his mind...until a certain day.

It had been years since you started the relationship, and little by little he had started to believe you loved him. He had his insecurities...and the fact that his sin was envy had not helped...but now he honestly believed you did love him. 

You were in his room, you guys were watching an anime you had been following for a while now. There was a specific scene that threw him off, the protagonist had claimed something that completely contradicted something that had happened back in episode #123. Before he could even say anything, you paused the show and went over a half an hour rant about the exact same subject he was just about to start talking about, even providing theories of your own about if this was intentional or not.

That was it for him. Man knew he needed you in his life forever. No one had ever taken interest in what he liked or cared to actually pay attention to the things he was fixated about, so knowing that you cared...he knew he couldn't risk ever losing you. Because even if one took away all the romantic parts of your relationship, you were still his friend, the best friend he had ever had. So, that night he started planing.

He had to ask Asmodeus for help, baby was so scared and nervous about the whole thing he didn't knew how to ask you at all. But in the end, he had his idea. He was going to ask you in anime fashion. He would think of your favorite anime from all of those you had ever watched and rambled to him about. He would pick your favorite, and base an entire game around it. he even dressed as our favorite character from the anime (no matter how embarrassing it was)

The final stage of the whole thing was a competition. Asmodeus will ask you both questions, and the winner would get a prize. This was a call back to that time you two competed to know which one was a bigger TSL fan, except that this time he would let you win.

You were so happy after winning you didn't notice the man take out a ring. The moment you stopped celebrating and turned to look at the demon, you noticed a blush across his face and the way his hand fidgeted with something between them.

“Mc...” His voice would be too quiet, barely even audible. For a second you thought he was going to attack you just like that one time, but instead he took a deep breath.  “I know i said there would be a prize for the winner, but i dont know if this is much of a price...I just know that...that I-I love you.” The last part was quiet, but sincere. “ And i know im a good for nothing otaku and that it isnt easy dealing with my insecurities but...I want to be with you so Mc...would you marry me?”

 His voice broke in several instances, barely even able to to actually say those words. But at the end he was able to get them out, tears and all. But the one that would be crying the hardest would be you, as you walked up to him and embraced him while whispering yes against his chest. His shaky hands would barely be able to put the blue stoned ring that for some reason reminded you of both the ocean and his room.

I might do the other brothers later on and possibly one undatable, but yeah i hope y’all liked whatever this was!

[femboty2k]

Long post about something I think about a lot and that doesn’t matter to anyone else but me probably

I’m sure there’s a million posts out there on why good representation is important and good but I just wanted to talk shortly about something that happened to me in a recent span of a few months involving a character in a dumb game about collecting jpegs of anime women and hunky dudes with giant swords.

There’s a game called Granblue Fantasy, its an extremely popular gacha game/JRPG with a very large roster of characters and a lot of stuff to do as far as reading through character lore, fighting JRPG battles, raids, and basically playing VNs for character dialogue. It’s a pretty good game, and one of the coolest things about it, is it has (to my knowledge, I dont play/keep up with it very often) 2 canon trans characters. One is named Cagliostro, an alchemist who was born as a man but through extensive experimentation and some self discovery has since transitioned into a woman, hell bent on making herself as cute as possible. Fun right? She’s presented extremely well and is one of the game’s more fun characters. The second character is one that has become a personal favourite for me for many reasons, her name is Ladiva.

Ladiva is a part of a race of people called the Draph. The Draph are a humanoid, and pretty much human looking, race of people with their defining features being their large stature and bovine like horns and ears. This is important because male draph are usually much larger and more muscular than female draph (but its a horny anime game so who can say they’re surprised lol). Ladiva, as my discussion here makes obvious, is a trans woman belonging to these folk. Because of this, she’s both quite large, muscular(and more masculine presenting on the surface), and has rugged looking facial hair. The surprising thing about her presentation in comparison to how she looks, is that she’s presented incredibly well. despite her appearance being not as feminine as it could be (with Cagliostro even offering to make her a new totally feminine body only to have Ladiva refuse, stating that she should love her own body along with the rest of herself) she’s treated as what she is, a woman.

So why am I talking about this? Why am I putting my poorly put together thoughts on this tumblr post no one will read? Well, I am trans. I have felt a certain way about myself all my life that I’m sure most trans people can echoe so I won’t wast time waxing poetic about how I’ve always felt more feminine than I was “supposed” to be. My core purpose of this post comes from the fact that I am 6′2, nearly 300lbs of muscle/fat/body hair, and have had a full beard since I was 14. I am EXCEEDINGLY masculine, which has made my own internal struggle with my transness sort of difficult to accept. A sort of constant push and pull of wanting to just repress it all because I already pass as a man and wanting to work towards being who I know I actually am. Another factor is that I never felt truly comfortable with purely feminine pronouns. In highschool I went by a different name, and I used she/her pronouns and for a while it felt okay. But it was always just, okay. It never felt right on top of several people giving me some rather hurtful backlash for it and how it contrasted so much with my physical appearance. So I stowed it all away until about a year ago. I now have something that I didn’t have before, a truly wonderful and supportive group of adult friends who treat me like an adult as well and take me seriously. So through careful examination of how I felt i began trying new things to explore my identity. It began with me deciding I wanted to use they/them pronouns, this stuck and still feels like its the right thing for me along with the label of Nonbinary. However, slotting myself into this new label and finally feeling comfortable in an identity brought about new thoughts as well as new things to mull over in my head. Things like the fact that most nonbinary representation in media falls under the same category of a waifish AFAB person who presemts femininely if not androgynous, and how people like me are a vocal minority within the community itself even being excluded by a small portion of it. It was a new set of things to tackle and think about. But that aside, with them came the most important thing I asked myself, “am I comfortable with how I am now? Or do those thoughts I had all those years ago mean something?”

This question isnt easy. Gender is a strange subject and is different to everyone who experiences something with their identity, so I wont pretend like I have any definitive answers for anything because, there arent really any of those. The question for myself, boiled down to “Am I more comfortable identifying as transfeminine, or am I comfortable with just being nonbinary.” This question vexed me for a little while. It hurt to think about. A lifetime of bullying and being made to be ashamed of my body type and stature had made my confidence in myself rather lackluster. This made the decision more difficult. It would be easy to try and own a sense of pride in being a masculine presenting nonbinary person. There aren’t many of those in representation as I mentioned before, and at the time it made me feel nice to think that it was what I wanted. But those thoughts I had all those years ago did mean something, and thats not who I am. The answer I ultimately came to, was that I am trans, and want to present more feminine than masculine, because that’s who I know I am, and not just what I think would be easiest. So, to bring it all together, how the everloving fuck does this relate to a character from a gacha game? Well, when i first saw Ladiva I nearly wrote her off as a character that probably was used as a disrespectful  joke on trans women and how they’re viewed. She’s not though. She has an entire montra of loving herself and others for who they are and owning every aspect of herself, including her body. She’s not a small lady, she’s a large/muscular wrestler who, in no mistake of words, still looks very masculine, right down to her facial hair. But none of that matters, not her appearance, not her beard, not her height, she’s still a woman and she’s seen as one by the others around her because, well, that’s what she is. She makes it known and others accept, or at the very least, respect it. It was something entirely new to see something like this in a form of popular media, and in turn it gave me an odd sense of self confidence in my own current appearance, even though I do intend on changing it through HRT and other means (exercise and other health related means). It meant a lot to me to see someone who was, in at least some way, like me who was loved by the community of the game she was in. And it still does. In conclusion, Ladiva is a very cool character, and her existing gave me a boost of confidence that helped lead me towards accepting things about myself that I had found it hard to previously. Go look into Granblue if you like games like that, there’s even a fighting game that came out not too long ago. Thanks for reading, if you did, this whole post is long and kind of dumb because I’m kind of dumb. But I wanted to put it somewhere. Have a nice day <3

[katiecomma]

2020 - Fic Year In Review

Tagged by the lovely @nade2308 who is always there to listen to me rant about my stories and OCs, and to help brainstorm. And sometimes just when I need a friend. Thank you m’dear! It’s so fitting that you tagged me in this since we became friends this year!

Total number of completed stories: 52

Total word count: 367,234

Fandoms written in: MacGyver (2016), Teen Wolf, Merlin, CSI, Hawaii Five-0 (2010), Stitches Universe ( @thesammykinz ‘s original universe), The Old Guard movie-verse, Leverage, MCU, Star Wars

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? More definitely. I never guessed I’d write that many words this year. And that’s not even counting the original content I’ve been working on. So I’m pretty excited about that number actually.

What’s your own favourite story of the year: Home Isn’t Always a Place has a special place in my heart... it came out of nowhere and I loved it a lot. It’s a post-S2 MacDalton fic where Mac and Jack get away together. It’s got a bit of everything. Angst. Romance. Fluff. Smut. But I also have a special place in my heart for Learning to Fall, which was a collab I did with four other AMAZING writers ( @purplecolouredglasses @nevcolleil @orianess @frozenmemories1987 ) and it was such a great experience.

Did you take any writing risks this year: I wrote some new fandoms, which was a fun experience. I’ve been very focused on writing stuff that I know VERY well. So I tried a few new things when I felt inspired. I jumped into Leverage, and wrote something for Eliot with plans to write more. I also wrote some Old Guard one-shots.

Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year? YES! FINISH THE DAMN BASEBALL AU. But that’s been a goal for the past few years. I don’t want to rush or force myself and have it turn out badly... waiting for inspiration to come around again...

Most popular story of the year: Eyes the Colour of the Ocean by Kudos and Bookmarks - a black and white to colour AU for Hawaii Five-0... where you see black and white until you touch your soulmate for the first time and then you see colour.

My most under appreciated story, in my opinion: Ugh... what a hard question. I’m one of those people who gets one kudos and feels like a queen. I guess I would have to say the SamSteve Christmas one I posted... but I feel like that’s because it’s not the most popular ship, and the MCU is hard to get a foothold in if you’re not already a popular author... just cause it’s SUCH a big fandom. So I wasn’t really surprised when that one didn’t get a ton of attention. Missing Christmas on AO3 if you want to check it out.

Most fun story to write: I actually really had fun writing Eyes the Colour of the Ocean... cause I love doing episode rewrites but changing something, and this one was an interesting subject to tackle. But honestly that big five-way collab I did was awesome too. It was really cool fitting all the stories together and seeing exactly how they would work.

Biggest disappointment: I mean... other than the baseball AU refusing to be written AGAIN this year... Probably just unwritten stuff. I have a bunch of WIPs that just never got done... which is too bad. My brain just hasn’t been in the right place this year for certain things.

Biggest surprise: That damn MacDalton Christmas fic that came out of nowhere and wrote itself in, like, 3 or 4 days or something insane. I was waiting for the inspiration to peter off, or to hit writer’s block but i never happened. Finding Home For Christmas on AO3 if you’re interested.

Yowza! It’s been quite a year!!!

I’m curious to see what you’ve been up to friends: @thesammykinz @dont-stop-believin-in-klaine @thethistlegirl @macgyver-sheriff Everyone I tagged above! And everyone who reads this and wants to play along!!!